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urdeadpoet · 11 months ago

Text

re-reading 😍😍

PAIRING: gwen stacy x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: gwen has been acting distant lately. first, she started taking longer to reply to your texts, then she became less responsive to your calls, and now you hardly get to see your girlfriend at all. every time you do manage to talk, it feels like she's dreading something yet to come. it's starting to seem pretty obvious to you that gwen doesn't want to be in a relationship with anymore. and maybe you're not too far off from the truth. can she make it up to you though?

WARNING/NOTES: heavy angst with comfort at the end, relationship issues/mentions of breaking up, emotionally unstable and struggling gwen who’s in need of some love, heavy making out and romantic frustration, parents gonna be parents, nothing nasty she’s a minor yall please !! also this isn’t spell checked or grammar checked much it’s too long for allat ENJOY THO

gwen had been distant for a while.

so much has been happening lately in her life, you know that. it’s like she's struggling to keep up with everything life throws at her. every day, gwen just seems more exhausted, drained, and down in the dumps. you can see this look of sadness and hopelessness in her eyes whenever you catch a glimpse of her. you always used to be the one to cheer her up, and she'd even call you her favorite girl. but now, whenever you try to comfort her, talk to her, or even get close, she just avoids it all. it's not just suspicion anymore, it's real worry. the doubts began to creep in. are you not doing enough? did she lose interest? hell, you've even wondered if she found someone else who's more adaptable to her life, even better than you.

but at the end of the day, you just missed her. you found yourself reaching for the clothes she had given you more frequently, slipping into her shirts as you settled into bed or donning her hoodies when stepping out, just like you were doing at that very moment. it was as if her clothes held the power to bridge the distance between you, it always made you feel close to her even when she wasn��t around.

today, you had a list of errands to run, prompted by a last-minute text from your guardians, urging you to pick up essential groceries for the week. as you inhaled deeply, gwen's hoodie enveloped you with her essence. the scent of lavender and vanilla mingled with a hint of something sweet and leathery. it was a fragrance that encapsulated her very

presence, intensifying your ache for her.

it didn’t take long for you to get to the market and pick up what you needed. but as you were heading out, something caught your eye.

it was spiderwoman, gwen, perched on top of a building, looking completely exhausted. she looked tired, like she had just finished thwarting a local crime. the building wasn’t too tall, so you knew she would be able to hear you.

“hey, spider! feels i haven’t seen you in forever,” you shouted up at her, causing her to look down with a startled expression etched on her mask.

“oh uh, hi. i didnt expect to see you. what brought you around?” she questioned, surprise apparent in her tone.

“what? i’m not allowed to go grocery shopping outside my house?” you teased, but it seemed she took it seriously. “sorry… i didn’t mean it like that.”

“i know, gwen,” you reassured her with a small smile, but it faded as you studied her face. the corners of her usual smile when she saw you were drooping. it was as if your presence brought her a sense of dread, and it only deepened the heaviness in your heart. why were you causing her to feel this way?

“hey, um… i can take you home if you want. it's safer that way,” gwen suggested, hopping down from the building and walking towards you. she didn't even meet your gaze; it was like she physically couldn't. her eyes darted to the ground. “oh? how protective of you.”

gwen simply nodded, taking the groceries from you and holding them herself. she wrapped her arm around your waist, and together, you swung through the city back to your place. the wind brushed against your face, your clothes fluttering in the breeze. you glanced up at her, expecting her to look at you with her usual playful smile, teasing you about how fast she swung. but she didn't. she stared ahead, her eyes distant. even behind her mask, you could sense the strain in her eyes, as if she carried an unyielding burden on her shoulders. you could feel her gaze, sensing her stealing glances at you from the corner of her eye. in those stolen moments, she absorbed your beauty, your caring nature, and your love for her, which only made what she was about to do hurt even more. her heart ached.

"is everything okay?" you asked, concern lacing your voice as you tried to gauge where her head was at. however, she remained quiet, completely ignoring you as you drew closer to your destination. sensing her withdrawal, you decided to shift back into the uncomfortable silence and sounds of new york. "let's just focus on getting you home, okay?"

her lack of response only deepened the sense of unease within you. you just couldn't shake the feeling that something was troubling her, something she wasn't ready to share. it was as if a barrier had formed, isolating her from you, and it pained you to witness her distance.

before you knew it, you arrived at your place. she safely dropped you off inside and handed you the grocery bag. gwen turned to leave, but you quickly grabbed her hand. she was about to walk away, without saying a word to you.

“can you stay? just for a little?” you asked, your voice carrying a heartfelt plea. holding onto her hand, you gently tugged, motioning for her to come inside.

as she stepped through the doorway, her tall figure lowered, and then rose again. an anxious air filled the room, and you couldn't help but feel your heart race. she stood there, looking down at you, her face still obscured by the mask, but you could sense her deep ocean eyes staring right into yours. it was as if the weight of unspoken words lingered between you, begging to be acknowledged.

for a moment that felt like an eternity, the silence enveloped you both. the intensity of the unspoken emotions hung in the air, and you wondered if she would finally let the walls around her heart crumble.

as the silence lingered between you, gwen finally spoke, her voice carrying a tinge of detachment. "alright, i can stay for a little bit," she conceded, her words lacking their usual warmth. gwen took her mask off and leaned against your wall, and it looked as if she hated every minute that was going to come. she attempted to bridge the gap by asking generic questions, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy. "so, how was your day? anything interesting happen?"

but the tension became too much for you to bear. frustration welled up inside you, and you couldn't suppress it any longer. “gwen, please, we need to talk,” you announced firmly, your voice tinged with a mix of concern and exasperation. you needed to confront her about her behavior, to understand what was truly troubling her.

gwen's eyes widened slightly, and a flicker of apprehension crossed her face while her body suddenly tensed. you haven’t even asked her anything yet and her body language already betrayed the inner turmoil she was trying to hide.

"what's really going on with you?" you pressed, your voice filled with a mixture of frustration and concern. "first, you started spending less and less time with me. then you stopped texting, and eventually, you stopped calling altogether. you're being so distant, and i can't understand why. i don't even see you anymore. gwen, talk to me, please."

gwen took a deep breath, her voice trembling slightly as she responded, "i... i don't know. i've been struggling lately, and it's just been a lot, okay?"

your heart ached, feeling the weight of her words and sensing the depth of her pain. but you couldn't let her vague answer slide. the frustration bubbled up within you, pushing you to make your own feelings known. "no, gwen, it's not okay, miss me with that!" you exclaimed, your voice tinged with desperation. "you can't keep being vague and shutting me out. we can't expect this relationship to work if you won't let me in. i know you, and i can tell when you're hurting. when you're struggling, i want to be there for you, but you don't let me. why? i just want to be there for you, to see you, and you refuse to let me!"

the words hung in the air, the tension between you palpable. before you could reach out to comfort her, gwen's next words burst forth with unexpected force, as if they had been bottled up inside her for far too long. "well, maybe we need to break up!"

her words hit you like a sudden blow, knocking the wind out of you. the intensity and impulsiveness of her statement took you aback, leaving you momentarily speechless. in truth, it startled you. her voice raised involuntarily, the words tumbling out before she could fully process them. it was as if she had unintentionally unleashed the bottled-up thoughts she so desperately tried to keep from you. but as the shock subsided, a surge of determination coursed through you. you couldn't let her push you away without a fight.

"no, gwen, we can't just throw it all away like that," you responded, your voice shaky with a mix of hurt and resolve. "i refuse to believe that breaking up is the answer. we've faced challenges before, we're a team, remember? we can work through this, but we need to communicate, to be honest with each other. don't give up on us so fucking easily,” you spoke, but it sounded like a demand for her not to just dispose of everything you both have.

silence hung heavy in the air.

gwen's fists clenched as she leaned against the wall, her back turned to you. "i'm sorry, but i can't continue like this with you," she said, her voice filled with a mix of determination and sorrow. "the city needs me, and i can't prioritize you the way you deserve."

she turned to face you, her hands gesturing passionately as she tried to explain herself. "i'm spider-woman, and this is who i am. it gives me a sense of purpose, a responsibility to protect people. but it also means my life is in chaos, torn between so many different obligations. breaking up is the best way to protect both of us from hurt."

gwen can't stand arguments, and the thought of hurting you crushes her. she knows she'll never love anyone as much as she loves you, but she's stuck and unsure about what to do. her life feels like a total mess, with a million things pulling her in different directions. how can she be spider-woman and still be with you? and honestly, she's not even sure if she's being selfish by considering a breakup. her brain keeps telling her it's the best way to protect both of you from getting hurt. but deep down, her heart screams at her to stop overthinking and just hold you tight.

you looked at her, shock evident on your face as tears welled up in your eyes. wiping your tears with your hoodie, you tried to keep your composure. "do you really mean that? you want to break up just like that, without even considering other options?" you asked, the hurt and confusion evident in your voice.

gwen snapped, her words sharp but tinged with regret. "i do mean it! you have to understand that as long as i'm spider-woman, our relationship will never work out. i'm sorry, okay? i love you more than anyone else."

tears streamed down gwen's cheeks as she despised herself and the situation she found herself in. her voice choked with emotion, she pleaded, "please, don't make this harder than it already is."

you raised your voice in frustration but quickly regained your composure. "how can you ask me not to make it harder? do you hear how you're talking to me?" you said, your tone filled with a mixture of annoyance and concern. "i love you, gwen. i wanted to be by your side. why should you have to go through this alone?" cupping her cheeks, you wiped away her tears with your thumb.

gwen sobbed, her voice trembling with sadness. "i know you do. and you would be by my side, but i can't bear the thought of you getting hurt..."

that was the crux of the matter. gwen couldn't bear to see those she cared about in danger. she had witnessed the pain and loss that came with her superhero life, and she couldn't bear to risk hurting you too. she pulled you close, embracing you tightly with all her strength. "i'm sorry, it's just... it's for you," she cried.

"for me?" you whispered, your heart aching. "but this isn't what i want..." you hugged her back, standing on your tiptoes to reach her height. "gwen, you can't let the weight of your past losses consume you. you say this is for me, but it's not what i want. i want to be with you, to support you."

gwen's voice cracked as she spoke through her tears. "but what i want is for you to be safe. i am really sorry. please don't try to convince me otherwise, it will only hurt me even more."

gwen may project strength and confidence, but deep down, she feels anything but strong. every word she speaks right now fills her with self-hatred. she believes that breaking up is truly for the best, as she wishes to shield you from the chaos of her life.

"it's really for the best," you muttered, your voice tinged with uncertainty. your eyes were red and puffy, and you pulled away slightly, nervously playing with your hoodie as you gazed up at her.

seeing your pain only intensifies gwen's own anguish. she fights back tears desperately. "it will be. i'll always love you, i promise," she whispers, holding your face gently, her eyes fixated on your swollen, red eyes that only deepen her sadness. "you'll find someone better than me, i know you will."

"please don't say that," you respond, your voice trembling as you struggle to hold back sobs. "i don't want someone else. i want you, gwen. nobody has ever understood me the way you do. every relationship has its challenges, but that's normal. i just want to be with you through it all. please don't push me away because you're scared."

and that's exactly what she's doing, pushing you away out of fear. fear of your pain, fear of her own emotions, fear of her feelings for you. gwen is overwhelmed with emotions in this moment, and your declaration of love and your belief that no one could be better for you only intensify the guilt she already carries.

"please stop," she whispers, tears streaming down her face. "there's nothing you can say to change my mind."

this is much harder than she anticipated. she thought she could simply utter those five devastating words and walk away, but she can't help but savor what might be her last moments with you. gwen locks eyes with you, torn between her heart and her mind. her mind tells her that keeping you away is the only way to protect you, but her heart yearns for the warmth of your embrace.

"we'll still see each other, i just..." she struggles to finish her sentence, tears cascading down her cheeks. she gently tries to create distance between you, despising herself for even desiring it. loving you more than anything doesn't necessarily mean she should have you; if anything, it seems to suggest that she should stay away.

"i'm so scared," she whispers, closing her eyes tightly as she holds you close. "i'm scared of all the wrong things. my mind races, imagining all the things that could go wrong. i don't want to be in a relationship where i have to choose between you and what i need to do."

she lets out a deep sigh. "it's just... my life never seems to get any easier, and i don't want to drag you down with me."

she desperately tries to convince herself that she's making the right choice, but deep down, she's failing. seeing you standing there before her breaks her heart, not only because of what she's about to do, but because it's the first time she's been this close to you in a while. it's different from the times she watched you from a distance as spider-woman because she missed you. no, not at all. you're right in front of her, and she yearns for you so intensely. yet, she can't help feeling that it's wrong for her to want you.

"life isn't supposed to get easier," you say weakly, your voice filled with sincerity. "that's why we have people who support us." cupping her cheek, you gently tilt her head to meet your gaze. "i know you're scared. i know you've been through a lot... but you're not going to drag me down with you, gwen. don't push away everyone you love. don't push me away. you don't have to face this alone. we're in this together... that's what a relationship is."

gwen stares at you, tears streaming down her face. her heart races, and her body trembles. she's never felt so torn in her entire life. what can she say? you're right. why is she trying so hard to push you away? is it truly to protect you or is it to protect herself? the latter thought resonates with gwen the most. the idea of having someone to lean on, someone to share the burden with, it's intoxicating.

"i-" she stutters, her voice unsteady. stuttering is not something typical of gwen. what you're saying means everything to her. you're expressing what she desperately wanted to hear.

"i know, i know," gwen sobs. "but there are too many 'buts.' i won't have time to see you, i'll be constantly worried about your safety, i'll have to cancel plans, and i won't be able to fully be present in our relationship anymore." tears continue to stream down gwen's cheeks as she pours out her fears. "i've lost so many people, and i can't bear the thought of hurting the few i have left..."

she locks her gaze with your tear-filled eyes. "i just don't want... to hurt you." gwen can't bring herself to say the rest. she can't vocalize her deepest fears, dreading that they might become a reality.

gwen walks past you and sits on your bed, her legs spread out slightly as she cradles her head in her hands, taking a deep breath. "i'm sorry," she mutters softly, her words muffled by her hands.

"don't apologize, gwen. none of this is your fault. you have to stop blaming yourself. we can get through this together, okay? remember, i'm your girlfriend, and i'm not going anywhere."

you approach her, positioning yourself between her legs at the edge of the bed, lifting her face to meet yours. without a second thought, you lean in and kiss her.

in that moment, time seems to slow down. gwen feels as if her heart stops beating, only to start again in the next instant.

gwen kisses you back, her body releasing the pent-up relief she has longed for. she had been scared, pushing you away when all she truly desired was to be loved by you. your words and your kiss make her feel safe. the kiss feels like pure magic. she feels your lips lingering against hers, and she can't help but smile ever so slightly.

"i thought... i thought i was alone, but... i was wrong," she whispers, her arms enveloping you in a tight embrace. in this moment, she feels an overwhelming happiness with you that she never knew existed. it's been a while since she felt this way, since the last time she saw you.

gwen loves you, and you love her. amidst the chaos surrounding them, there's no reason to push everyone away when she can pull them closer. "i love you," she manages to say, her voice weak. "and i'm so scared of losing you, of being alone. but... i'm going to try," she promises, holding you tightly.

she's deeply in love with you, and her mind is finally aligning with her heart's perspective.

"i love you too," you respond, pressing your forehead against hers. "all you have to do is try, and i'll be right here, ready to lend you my shoulder to lean on."

as you hold her close, gwen allows her mask to slip, surrendering to the overwhelming emotions. she cries into your shoulder, clinging onto you tightly. "can i... stay at your place tonight? i don't want to sleep alone," she pleads, holding onto you desperately. "i just want to be with you so badly, please."

blushing at her words, you feel relieved that you were able to talk her out of her impulsive behavior. "of course, i'll stay with you, gwen," you assure her, leaning in to peck her lips.

she looks like an emotional mess, and you can't help but feel remorse for not fully understanding the toll being spider-woman had taken on her. you knew it was a heavy burden, but you didn't grasp the extent of it. "would you like another hug?" you ask, offering a smile.

"yes, please," gwen responds desperately, reaching out her arms and pulling you closer until your bodies are pressed against each other, allowing you to feel every heartbeat, every breath. “a hug would be really nice right now.”

the feeling of being tightly held by her girlfriend is all she craves at this moment, the feeling of being home.

"i'm sorry, i just... i just love you so much that i thought i had to let you go," gwen confesses, her voice filled with remorse. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry. it's just... i feel like i'm going to crack in two. spider-woman and gwen stacy, they're both pulling me in different directions... i don't know how to find balance."

your heart breaks upon hearing her words. it pains you to know that gwen feels so lost and alone, and that she was scared to open up about it.

"you can't balance two things that are the same," you explain gently. "we can't always find perfect balance in our lives. it's about learning to live with it. if you felt this way, we could've talked about it, or i could've simply been there to hug you in silence... why didn't you tell me?"

bringing up the topic of communication is painful, as it was her lack of communication that sparked this entire conflict.

"because!" gwen practically explodes in her attempt to defend herself. "because i... i'm scared." she stands up from the bed, looking you in the eye. "i didn't want to be a burden, someone you had to 'deal with.' i wanted to be there for you, but i'm always stuck being spider-woman. that's why it hurts so much. i don't want it to be the only part of me, but it is. i'm scared of having these problems, scared that they will push you away. i was afraid that telling you these things would make everything worse... i'm only realizing now that if i'm going to have any chance at a successful relationship, i have to be open and honest, even if it scares me." she takes a deep breath, walking around the room as she searches for the right words. "i was so afraid of expressing how i felt, what these overwhelming emotions meant, and most of all... i was terrified of you breaking my heart."

you listen intently, absorbing every word that falls from her lips.

"i was just so scared of everything, and i didn't expect you to be so amazing about it, like you are right now," gwen admits with a dry laugh. "i guess that makes me a bad girlfriend, doesn't it?"

gwen's tearful sniff subsides, and she wipes away her tears once more. "i know you're going to hate me for this, but if this becomes too much, and you get exhausted with me, promise you'll tell me," she says, her voice filled with uncertainty.

"i can't promise you that, gwen," you respond, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "because i'll never get exhausted being by your side. i'll always be your number one supporter... and groupie," you add, attempting to lighten the mood with a playful tease.

she chuckles at your words, a genuine laugh escaping her lips. "yeah? at least now i know who my number one fan is," she jokes, a light smile gracing her lips. the weight of guilt that had burdened her for weeks begins to lift as she realizes that talking to you is making her feel better than ever. she's starting to believe that together, you can make the relationship work.

looking up at you, gwen's eyes turn serious, peering into yours with intensity. "promise?" she asks, her voice filled with desperation, but not in a way that seeks pity. she simply yearns for reassurance and comfort. "promise me that i'll never just... be another problem in your life, something that drags you down or forces you to do more than you want to? i know you'd never truly get exhausted by me, but i understand that the pressures of being in a relationship can feel overwhelming at times."

her doubt-filled voice tugs at your heart. you want to erase all the insecurities and doubts that haunt her mind, but you also know that she must learn to stand on her own. after all, she is spider-woman.

"gwen, i will always be patient with you. i want to be by your side, and you can tell me anything, you know that," you reassure her, reaching out to touch her, your hands gently holding the sides of her neck.

as gwen sees your smile, her heart races with joy. in this moment, she feels more alive than ever before.

"my girlfriend is patient, amazing, and gorgeous..." gwen whispers, her eyes glancing at your lips as you giggle at her comment. "i love you," she says softly, leaning in to kiss you, her hands cupping your face. "i'm sorry for acting this way. if i'm honest, i think i'm the crazy one for pushing you away. i don't know what i would do without you. i'm so sorry for everything. it feels like all i've done is apologize to you."

gwen longs for your embrace, for your hands to caress her hair. the past few minutes have been a nightmare, and all she wants is to be close to you, to share the same breath. unable to contain herself any longer, she kisses you again, her hands reaching out for you as she pulls you closer, trying to make up for all the emotions she had kept inside. you kiss her back, your arms around her neck pulling her closer, feeling her chest against yours.

"you're so perfect... i can't stress that enough," gwen murmurs, looking into your eyes with deep affection. she nestles herself into your arms, embracing you tightly. "i can't imagine being with anyone else. i've never felt this way about anyone before. thank you for waiting for me, for putting up with me."

"i love you too, gwen. but you don't have to thank me for loving you. it's not a job; i love you because you're you," you reassure her, running your hands through her hair.

"i know, i know," gwen says, her voice quieter and softer. "sorry, i think i'm just emotionally drained. it's all starting to settle in." she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. "but you're right. i'll work on finding a balance between gwen and spider-woman. and... thank you, for everything. i love you so much... you're so patient with me."

"we're going to get through this together, alright? you're not alone, i promise you. as long as i'm here, you'll never be alone," you declare to gwen.

"thank you, really..." she says in a quieter, softer voice. "i'm feeling kind of good about this now. i feel like everything will just work out, you know? like a weight is lifted off my shoulders." she smiles, her lips gently pressing against yours.

gwen's desire and longing for you intensify as she gazes into your eyes, her voice filled with a mix of passion and vulnerability. "i've missed you so much, and now that we're finally together, i want to make it up to you," she whispers, her hands still wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer.

you feel a surge of warmth and affection as you listen to her words. your love for gwen is unwavering, and you want to reassure her that she's not a bad girlfriend, despite her doubts. you place your hands gently on her chest, looking deeply into her eyes, and speak softly, "gwen, don't let this make you feel like you're a bad girlfriend. you aren't, and i mean that. everyone has their bad moments, but they pass. you've been a good girlfriend, the best i could've ever asked for."

curiosity fills your voice as you ask her how she wants to make it up to you. your eyes lock with hers, and you can sense the tenderness and desire in her gaze. the air crackles with anticipation, and you can feel the room narrowing down to just the two of you.

gwen doesn't respond with words. instead, she smiles and leans in closer, her lips almost brushing against yours. your heart flutters, and a wave of heat rushes through your body. the intensity in her eyes and the closeness between you both create an electrifying atmosphere.

your cheeks flush with warmth as you feel a mix of flustered emotions. you can't help but confess, "i mean every word of what i've told you, gwen. i could never love you any less."

without hesitation, gwen presses her body against yours, her hands against the wall, trapping you in her embrace. the tension between you builds, and your eyes remain locked as you wait for her next move.

"i love you too," she murmurs, her face reddening. her hands gently move to caress your cheeks, and your lips are tantalizingly close. gwen's breathing becomes heavier, and you can sense the rapid thumping of her heart. "so much."

she closes her eyes briefly, then opens them again, leaning in closer. gwen sighs, her lips meeting yours in a deep, passionate kiss. the sound of her slow-paced pants fills your ears, heightening the intensity of the moment. time seems to stand still as your lips finally connect, your love reaching its pinnacle. gwen holds you tightly, her body tense with desire, her face flushed with excitement. the taste of her lips leaves you feeling intoxicated, dizzy, and filled with overwhelming happiness.

this is for you. you deserve this, and so does she.

gwen wants to give you everything, and she pours her heart and soul into this kiss. her fingers intertwined with your hair, pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as possible.

a soft moan escapes your lips, mirroring the pleasure that gwen feels. her smile widens within the kiss, and she whimpers softly, completely lost in the moment. every sense is overwhelmed by your touch, and she can't imagine a world without your love. you are her everything.

reluctantly, gwen breaks the kiss, her eyes still locked on yours. her lips are flushed with the heat of the moment, and she bites them with a mix of desire and anticipation. her fingers continue to run through your hair, her touch filled with longing and a yearning to explore every part of you.

"i missed you," she whispers, her voice filled with longing and desperation as her heart races against yours. the sound of rain outside creates a serene backdrop, punctuated only by your labored breathing.

gently, you reach up and stroke the side of gwen's face with your hand, your touch a soothing balm against her worries. "i missed you too, gwen," you admit, your voice filled with sincerity. "i wish i had known how you were feeling, but i'm here now, and so are you."

gwen nods in response, her eyes reflecting a familiar self-critical nature that she often carries as both gwen stacy and spider-woman. she has spent so much time fighting and trying to save the world that she neglected her own needs and the needs of those closest to her. she has a tendency to push people away, always opting to face challenges alone.

"i didn't think you'd understand," she replies, her voice catching in her throat. "i've spent so much time running away, keeping everything to myself because i was so scared. it’s like everything is collapsing on me all of a sudden."

you offer a reassuring smile as gwen speaks, your touch providing her with a sense of comfort and relief. before you can respond, she continues, not pausing to let you interject.

"i wish i could be more open like you," she whispers, her words filled with determination. "i promise to change that, to be more honest. i want to be spider-woman and gwen, and i vow to never push you away because of it. you're mine, and i'm yours. you'll always be my number one. please don't ever forget that."

moved by her words, gwen leans in to kiss you once again, feeling the flutter of butterflies in her stomach as your lips meet. your love makes her feel safe, anchoring her and reminding her of who she truly is without the weight of spider-woman. with you, she is simply gwen stacy, and your love restores her sense of self.

"i wish i was a better girlfriend," she confesses, her voice barely above a whisper, but close enough for you to hear.

"gwen," you whisper in return, searching for the words that will bring her comfort. "nobody expects perfection in a relationship. ups and downs are normal, and you've been going through so much on your own. don't be too hard on yourself. i love you, and i'm here for you."

her mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, and she buries her head into your shoulder, seeking solace in your embrace. her tears fall onto your arms, and she holds you tighter, finding solace and strength in your presence.

"you're right," she sighs, her voice tinged with a mix of relief and vulnerability. "i just don't want to disappoint you. but things are changing; i promise. i love you so much. you mean everything to me."

you can sense that gwen has more to say, her thoughts jumbled and unorganized. with a gentle touch, you brush her loose hairs behind her ear and encourage her to open up further.

"talk to me, gwen. that's why i'm here," you say, offering her a safe space to express herself.

gwen takes a deep breath, her voice trembling as she continues, "i've been pulling away from you for the past few months, neglecting our relationship. i was afraid of losing you or hurting you, so i distanced myself. i've been doubting myself, questioning if i can be spider-woman, your girlfriend, and still be gwen stacy. what if i fall short? what if…”

tears well up in gwen's eyes once again, she can’t even finish her thoughts. she doesn’t want to fall short but what if she does? just like all the other times? she clings to you, afraid of losing the connection you share.

"i never want to let go of you," she whispers, her voice filled with remorse. "i'm sorry for being such a mess."

as you listen attentively to gwen's words, a se se understanding and empathy wash over you. you realize that she needs your unwavering support, and your ready to provide that.

"did you act that way because you wanted me to break up with you first? or did you just not realize how distant you were being?" you asked, your voice filled with confusion and hurt. "it really hurt me. you avoided my texts and calls, and you stopped coming to see me as often. i didn't know what i did wrong. i didn't know if you lost feelings for me, found someone else, or what was going on."

gwen quickly shook her head, her eyes filled with concern. "no, no... never that," she replied, her voice urgent. "i would never want to make you feel bad. you did nothing wrong. i didn't lose feelings for you and i definitely didn’t find somebody else. it was just me, you know? i'm the problem."

you gently cupped her face and drew her closer, your touch offering comfort. "gwen, you're not a problem to me. but please, tell me, did you want me to break up with you?"

gwen took a moment, her breathing uneven as she tried to gather her thoughts. slowly, she nodded, her face flushing with embarrassment as she began to understand the impact of her actions.

"yeah, i wanted you to break up with me," she admitted, her words coming out hastily. "i pushed you away because i thought it would be best for both of us. please don't think i cheated on you, though. i would never do that to you," she explained, her gaze fixed on the floor.

gwen looked away, tears welling up in her eyes once again. "i just felt this immense pressure, and i couldn't keep fighting everything. but i also couldn't just give up. so i kept it all inside, pretending to be okay, hoping it would all be fine. i've seen what happens to people close to me, and i didn't want that for you. i held back so that you wouldn't have to witness spider-woman taking over. i should've explained what i was feeling instead of trying to protect you in my own misguided way."

her words became muddled as tears threatened to overcome her. the thought of you being hurt because of her actions was unbearable.

you nodded slowly, taking in gwen's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. it was bittersweet to hear that she now understood the mistake she had made and the importance of open communication.

"so, when you realized i wasn't going to break up with you, you decided you needed to end it yourself?" you asked, studying her face intently.

"i... i guess you could say that," gwen replied, her body tensing up. she fell silent, unsure of what to say or do. the weight of her actions finally settling upon her.

"you deserved to be with someone better, someone less selfish, and someone who wasn't constantly busy saving the world. i wanted you to be happy and safe, so i thought..." gwen's voice trailed off, hoarse with shame at her inability to effectively communicate her feelings. "i thought letting you go would make that happen."

gwen swallowed back the lump in her throat, her words filled with a mixture of pain and regret. "i'm just so used to hiding everything from everyone, even you. i couldn't see a way out... i felt like no matter what decision i made, i would end up losing you. either physically or emotionally. it felt too dangerous to stay together, yet pushing you away would ruin us. i felt trapped, and i thought it would be best for both of us. i thought you would end up hating me. but you've been so... so good to me, and you've shown me patience when i needed it most."

you let out a deep sigh, your mind racing. how did you not notice the burden she had been carrying? you had been there for gwen on her difficult days, but somehow, you had missed the weight she bore alone every time she sought solace in you, every time she climbed through your window at night. gwen noticed the distant look in your eyes as you grappled with your own feelings.

"i'm sorry," she whispered, her voice filled with remorse. "you're so patient, so perfect... i don't want to lose you. it wasn't right for me to break up with you like that. you don't deserve that."

she desperately wanted to fix the situation, to make you feel okay again, but she felt lost, unsure of how to proceed.

"and you thought pushing me away would make me lose interest?" you responded, a hint of disbelief in your voice, considering the depth of your connection and the challenges you had overcome together. all the times gwen had comforted you with your issues or saved you from yourself. it was almost amusing to think you would ever lose interest in gwen. "i'm almost offended that you believed that would be enough to make me give up on you and what we have."

as you spoke, you could see gwen's world collapsing upon itself, her struggle to comprehend how you could still love her after she had pushed you away.

"yeah, i know it sounds ridiculous," she admitted, her voice tinged with self-realization. "i should have seen all this time how much you've been there for me, how important i am to you. but it was only when i pushed you away that i realized just how much i truly need you," she confessed, her vulnerability laid bare. "i wanted to spare both of us the pain and struggle of my double life. i was thinking of you, but i didn't consider your feelings at all. i thought by cutting myself out of your life, i could rid you of spider-woman and the complications that come with me. i wanted to protect you from myself, from the mess that engulfs my life. and that was so wrong of me."

gwen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "i thought you deserved better," she said in a quiet voice, her words heavy with regret. "i thought i would be this dark cloud over your life, constantly bringing you down. but i want our relationship to be better. i want to be better for you. i don't want to keep hurting you."

her hands slowly move up to your chest, fingers digging into your clothes as if wanting to feel you.

“but gwen-” you try to speak, you try to reassure her and comfort her, but she isn’t having none of it. “but nothing! i was trying to think of a way to let you go without hurting you. i thought... if i acted cold, distant, you would lose interest in me. you should have someone that doesn't stress you out and keep you awake at night just because of her issues."

she withdrew from your embrace, her movements tentative, as if trying to calm the storm of thoughts swirling in her mind.

"this is why i feel like such a mess," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "i can't think clearly, i can't find the right words, and i'm so afraid... afraid of losing you, afraid of failing, afraid of failing you. i don't have all the answers because i'm scared. i'm truly sorry."

"you shouldn't have burdened yourself like this, gwen. you shouldn't have caused us both pain. we are stronger together, you know that," you reassured her, reaching out to hold her hand, offering a gentle squeeze. "you have been an incredible girlfriend to me. can't you see that? we all have our flaws, but you have always been there for me, caring for me, making me feel loved and truly myself. there is no one else i could ever desire."

with hesitation, you leaned in, rising up to her height and tenderly kissed her, conveying the depth of your sincerity and gratitude. it was a kiss that symbolized your unwavering commitment, showing her how much she meant to you and how fervently you desired her by your side.

those few words are just what gwen needed. all the doubt inside that plagued her mind were casted away as you kissed her, pressing your lips against hers. your words

a gasp escaped gwen's lips as she felt the tender connection, her arms instinctively wrapping around you, holding you tightly. the kiss was a balm to her soul, so exquisite and intoxicating that it made her question how she could have caused you so much pain. your words alone had the power to break down her defenses, and your kiss was a testament to the depth of your affection.

"i'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice filled with remorse, as she clung to you. "i don't know what's wrong with me. i wanted to make you happy, but i kept running away. i feel so stupid. i wish i had just told you this sooner. can you forgive me?”

gwen's body presses against yours, her fingers interlacing with yours as she tries to calm herself down.

"i don't want to be spider-woman right now. i just want to be gwen stacy... your gwen stacy,” she said, staring you deeply in the eye as she leaned closer to you.

“gwen,” you said softly, “i already forgave you. i understand you and why you do the things you do and i’ll accept and love every part of it. spider and gwen, both of you are mine.”

she is utterly speechless, so much so that she wraps both her arms around you, hugging you tightly. a smile slowly spreads across her face as you speak, your words touching every part of her. it's funny how you managed to forgive her for everything. if only she was able to forgive herself. her cheeks light up red, smiling back at you. she felt so stupid, so dumb for pushing you out in the first place, and she's so relieved that you forgive her.

"really? even if i pushed you away and kept you from the love you deserved?" gwen asks, needing to hear the truth from you. "or when i was constantly thinking about spider-woman? when i was avoiding you, not giving you the emotional support you deserve?"

gwen sounded like a broken record, still taken aback at how you gave her so much time and understanding. if you could still love her after all of this, after she hurt you so many times, she couldn't tell you how much she felt she didn't deserve your love. just when she thought her relationship with you was ruined forever, gwen was finding a new reason to hold on to hope.

“you’re both of those people gwen, and i love you. no matter what, i’m gonna be there for you. i know you go through a lot, let me be by your side and make it better, okay? because i want to,” you reassured her.

"i love you," she whispers in a hushed tone. "i'm sorry for being distant, i'm sorry for hurting you every time i put my life as spider-woman before our relationship. but you're right, spider and gwen are one. they're both a part of me.. and i want you to love all parts of me.”

the feeling was euphoric. gwen knew that she could never repay you for forgiving her, nor could she even imagine what her life would be like without you in it. she hugs you tightly, not wanting to let go.

"i want to make it up to you. right here, right now," gwen whispered softly, her voice brushing against your ear as her hands found their place around your waist, gently pulling you closer to her.

"it's been too long since i've seen you," you admitted, your voice filled with yearning for gwen. it's been so long since you seen her and since you’ve been so close. you wanted to feel her touch, to be enveloped by her love.

"i know, i feel the same way," gwen whispers. "but, can i make it up to you regardless?"

there's a slight pause.

gwen moved a strand of hair aside, her breath shaky, and her eyes darting back and forth. her cheeks grow pinker, the butterflies in her stomach turning into something else entirely.

“don’t feel entitled to do any…thing,” you tried to speak, but the words got caught in your throat and you began to lose track of what you were saying.

gwen was distracting, and the way she was looking at you wasn’t helping. as the room settled into a hushed stillness, the only sounds were the measured rhythm of her breaths and the intensity of her gaze, brimming excitement.

maybe it was the pent-up frustration of not being together for so long, maybe it was the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins in this moment, or maybe it was the realization of just how deeply gwen's love for you ran.

gwen smiles at your words. she knows you've missed her, and she's missed you too. the blonde leans in closer, her hand on the back of your neck.

"i want to show you how much i appreciate you being here for me. and how much i love you right now,” she speaks up amongst the silence.

this might be the first time you've seen gwen this vulnerable, this exposed. her voice is quiet and her eyes look away, but her body is moving closer. her fingertips make their way down to your lips, grazing them lightly. "let me show you.."

you inhale, your mind feeling dizzy. god, the effect she had on you. you don’t want gwen to be hard on herself, to make her feel like she needs to make it up to you when she is the one struggling. but you could tell gwen wanted this too, she wanted to kiss you. the magnetic pull of her body to yours, the way her lips began to part the closer she got to your mouth, the way the muscles in her arms flexed as she began to hold you tighter.

"then show me," you mustered every ounce of bravery within you, determined to deflect the shyness that tinged your being. gwen's fingertips continued to trace the outline of your plush lips, her gaze locked with yours, as you issued the plea. "show me, gwen."

without a moment's hesitation, gwen closed the distance between you, her hands gently drawing you closer by the waist. the suddenness of her actions caught you off guard as she pressed you against the wall, her lips meeting yours with an intensity that eclipsed anything you had ever experienced before. passion surged through every fiber of your being in that electrifying moment, leaving you breathless and consumed by the sheer force of her affection.

her lips found yours and that's all you needed.

a wave of absolute euphoria washed over you, erasing all the problems and concerns that had previously weighed on your minds. in this moment, there were no worries, just the two of you, lost in each other's embrace. gwen's fingers delicately threaded through your hair, pulling you closer to her. her kisses grew more intense, and her grip on your back tightened as her lips ventured along the path of your neck.

the room seemed to spin, as if the rest of the world had faded into insignificance compared to the intensity of the connection you shared. gwen held you tightly, her kisses a tender exploration of desire and longing. the heat of her lips against yours ignited a fire within, as she trailed her kisses upward, tracing the contours of your neck.

as the intoxicating moment unfolded, you noticed a change in gwen's breathing, a rhythm that became short and choppy.

her lips are back to your mouth, gently holding your neck and leaning you against the wall as she kisses you in place firmly.

as the intensity of the kiss escalated, your hands instinctively gripped gwen's triceps, seeking stability amidst the overwhelming sensations that engulfed your being. the sheer power of the connection made it feel as if your mind was melting, lost in a haze of desire. a soft moan escaped your lips, echoing against gwen's mouth, making her whimper in response to the vibration.

her body tensed, caught between wanting to slow down and give you a moment to breathe, yet unable to resist the overwhelming surge of emotions coursing through her. gwen's sense of self began to blur as your touch elicited a kaleidoscope of sensations within her. the palpable tension between you two hung in the air, thick with longing.

she continued kissing you, pulling you closer into the embrace of her body. your forms melded together, radiating heat that spread through your entire being. your heart pounded within your chest, its rhythm matching the quickening pace of your breaths. it felt as though nothing else in your lives had ever held such significance.

the world around you faded into insignificance, and all that mattered was the connection you shared, an escape from the hardships of life.

gwen pulls back from you ever-so-slightly to catch her breath. she still has her hands gripping into your hair, but now her eyes are locked on yours. "god... i love you, you know that?”

gwen's mind was starting to blank, the only thing that was on it was you. your eyes, your lips, your touch. she was getting lost in you.

"i love you, i love you, i love you," she whispers out, her voice catching on her breathe as your hands grip her tighter.

“i know you love me,” you reply to her, your hands finding their way to gwen's neck as you caress her gently. “i love you just as much.”

gwen can't describe how she feels right now. finally, she feels free. she can be herself. all she wants is to be with you. she can't believe you're willing to forgive her, can't understand how you have all of this patience and understanding for her. in her eyes, you were too good, she questioned whether she truly deserved the love and compassion you showered upon her. she's not sure she deserves you. but you guys haven’t kissed in so long, and she can’t get enough of it.

"come here.." gwen whispers, pulling you back towards her for another kiss.

her kisses grew more fervent, her lips pressing deeply against yours with a hunger that matched the intensity of her desire. every fiber of her being came alive, sensations coursing through her body in a breathtaking symphony of pleasure. pure bliss surged through her veins, her head spinning with a heady rush.

your touch had an effect on gwen, weakening her knees and leaving her breath shaky and uneven. her face flushed with a rosy hue, reflecting the passion that consumed her. the stimulation she experienced was almost overwhelming, and she feels she might just explode.

though gwen attempted to regain control of her breathing, a part of her yearned for more. it felt as if she were caught in a whirlwind of pleasure, losing herself in the addicting embrace of your love. her hands tightened against the wall, their grip firm as they traversed down to your thighs, pulling you closer, bridging the gap between your bodies. the warmth radiating from your skin seemed to rival the sun itself, stoking the flames of desire within her.

gwen couldn't help but moan, her lips moving with increasing passion as she savored the warmth and taste of your mouth. despite her attempts to slow the frenzied pace, her tongue slipped out once more, driven by an insatiable craving for you. she explored down your neck with her tongue, trailing down to gently nibble along your collarbone, leaving a tantalizing trail of tingles in her wake.

"wow," you muttered, the sharp sensation of gwen's teeth grazing your skin eliciting a mix of surprise and pleasure. the sounds that escaped your lips were beyond your control, a testament to the powerful effect she had on you.

the sound of your whimper sent a jolt down gwen's spine. she possessed a commanding presence, a force to be reckoned with, and yet she found herself immobilized, unable to move as if held in place by an invisible tether. her hands instinctively found your hips, firmly pressing your body down onto her leg, as she stood, allowing you to find comfort leaning against the wall.

your entire being froze in response to the touch of gwen's leg, as if her very touch held the power of lightning, electrifying your senses. when you shuddered against her thigh, her grip on your hips tightened, her nails threatening to leave a temporary mark.

gwen was flustered, desperately attempting to assert control over the situation, but finding herself beat by the magnetic pull you exerted on her. every second that your gaze met hers, she felt an irresistible force tugging at her, drawing her closer to you as if guided by some unexplainable, otherworldly connection.

she looks up at you, her hair a mess around her face and flushed. "please, stop me…”

she spoke hushed, but her lips were glued onto yours. her body was glued to yours, her hands finding their way into your hair, her leg pressed against you, just everything about this moment was just perfect for her. you were making her lose her mind. she felt unworthy, like she didn’t deserve this after all she put you through.

“why would i do that?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper, “gwen, why would i do that when i don’t want this to stop?”

it felt like your words were an invitation just for her.

she could feel herself getting worked up again, every ounce of her just wanted this moment to continue. her mind was clouded with emotion and desire, she was lost in you.

"i missed you too, y'know," you said, your voice tinged with nervousness as you fidgeted with gwen's hair, your touch betraying your own vulnerability in the face of her silence.

hearing those words from you, expressing your longing for her touch and everything she embodied, was like the sweet relief of water in a desert. the weight of your words hit her with the force of a hammer, nearly knocking her off balance. her body quivered with anticipation, and when your hand brushed through her hair, delicately tucking it behind her ear, sparks ignited from the point of contact, spreading warmth throughout her being. the desire to kiss you consumed her, and she wasn't sure if she could find the strength to stop, especially when you begged her not to.

"i'm so sorry... i just can't stop myself," she confessed once more, her voice laced with desperation. "if you don't tell me to stop, i don't know if i can."

overwhelmed by her emotions and love for you, gwen found herself at a crossroads, teetering on the edge of restraint. but your response was firm and unwavering, "don't." the single word held a world of meaning, a silent permission to continue, and it resonated deeply within her.

her body ignited like a blazing fire, her breaths quickening as each touch sent electric pulses through her veins. "you have no idea how much..." gwen's voice trailed off, unable to find the words to convey the intensity of her emotions. she pulled back slightly, positioning herself nose-to-nose with you, her gaze locked onto yours.

"then i won't, but please... tell me to keep going," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“just kiss me, gwen."

your voice, though quiet, reached gwen's ears with clarity and resolve. gripping your face with a fervent grasp, she held onto you as though her life depended on it. her kisses grew more fervent, her tongue dancing against yours, and her hands instinctively finding their way around your neck. she lost herself in the moment, overwhelmed to the point where words gave way to passionate moans, each one a testament to the intoxication of the experience.

gwen surrendered to the pleasure, no longer resisting the desire to have her leg entwined with yours. it felt perfect, the two of you merging together in this intoxicating union. pure bliss enveloped her as sensations heightened, her ears attuned to the sound of your breathing, her body quivering with the rush of emotions coursing through her. the need to hold back vanished, replaced by an insatiable hunger.

she pulled you closer, her grip firm as she pressed you down onto her leg, the friction against the floor sending waves of pleasure through her body. everything grew hotter and heavier, the weight of the moment intensifying. gwen let out a soft moan, briefly pulling away from the kiss to lock her gaze with yours. her lips were slightly parted, her cheeks flushed with desire, as she allowed herself to become lost in your eyes.

she was holding back, trying so hard to keep herself calm and slow everything down, but everything was becoming too much, too overwhelming for her to handle. she couldn’t shake this feeling though, it was like her spider senses were going off and she couldn’t tell what the vibrations in her mind were trying to tell her.

without conscious thought, gwen's hands found the rim of her hoodie, the one you were wearing. with a gentle movement, she lifted it off you and threw it onto your bed, revealing the vulnerability of your exposed waist. her touch was tender and loving as she embraced your waist, peppering your chest with fluttering kisses that elicited joyful giggles from your lips. a smile danced upon her own as she pressed against your skin, feeling like she was able to show you how much she appreciated you and wanted you, and how stupid she was to even think of letting you go.

“i’m home! made me bust in your room because you wasn’t answering me. what the hell were you doing?” your guardian asked, not furious but confused as to why you weren’t answering.

and you were just as confused. before you could even begin to panic, gwen was gone. you hastily picked up her hoodie from your bed and clutched it shyly against your chest, overwhelmed by a wave of embarrassment and a longing to retreat into hiding.

“you good? your face looks so…” your guardian examined your features. how heavy you were breathing, how heated you looked when the weatherman this morning said it was gonna be a cool day, and just how baffled you looked. "flushed?" you responded, mustering a feeble explanation. "yeah, the sweater, uh... made me a bit sweaty. so, i decided to take it off!”

you swore you could hear a faint giggle from outside, but you chose to ignore it.

“well, okay. stop actin’ like a weirdo and i’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,” they said, turning around and shutting the door.

as the footsteps faded away, a familiar figure stealthily climbed back into your room through the window. "that was a close one," she quipped, and though you couldn't help but roll your eyes, a hint of a smile tugged at your lips.

"you're so corny. i hate you," you playfully declared, the hate part a jest born out of momentary frustration. the corny part, however, held some truth to it.

gwen laughed, charmed by your feigned pout. "love you too, but it seems like you have company, and i should get back to patrol," she stated, punctuating her words with a tender kiss on your lips as she held you close. "i'm sorry about the whole breakup thing, and i know i've said it before, but i still want to apologize. i'm committed to being better-for you, for me, and for us. i don't want to push people away when i should be pulling them closer, especially when i need them. you make my life as spider-woman so much easier than i ever realized, having someone to return to and lean on," she confessed with a genuine smile.

unable to resist, you rushed forward and enveloped her in a tight hug. she gasped in surprise but quickly reciprocated, teasingly lifting you off the ground before gently setting you down.

"will i see you later?" you inquired, hopeful anticipation shining in your eyes.

“of course you will,” she replied smugly, a smirk gracing her face. you couldn't help but giggle "i'ii swing by around 6, sound good?"

"absolutely," you confirmed, your radiant smile illuminating your features.

with a final smile, gwen leaned back into your window and gracefully disappeared into the night, swinging away. you waved goodbye from a distance, heart brimming with warmth and excitement for the future.

true to her word, gwen returned as promised around 6 o'clock. but more significant than her punctuality was her unwavering commitment to keeping her promise of being more open with you and making an effort. she showed you that she was willing to put in the work, to learn from her past mistakes, and to become the best version of herself -for you and for the relationship you shared.

A/N: i think i almost died typing all this. 10.5k words. im crying…

#my brain has stopped working

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