#my birthday just happened on jan 8th

[pthalomars]

@jankwritten when we are birthday boys

[icewindandboringhorror]

reminders of the passage of time moodeboard

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 106 // About That Poker Game // Day 105

Contents (Warnings): Not just poker. (Angst, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 4,200+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: None unfortunately

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(Jan. 27th, Friday)

Wicks

He was half paying attention to Lynette's conversation with Claudia over video call. As he did so, he blew over the coffee mug—the steam had finally seized.

His sister was across from him, her back on the bar overlooking the living room. Her herbal tea was next to her in her goofy pup mug of a carefully sculpted poodle. That's what she intended. The reference picture she brought into the sculpting shop when they went as a family and her final product looked very different. Not that my green Super Ranger head came out any better. I had to tell them I was making a bush.

He pushed off his counter next to the coffee machine and sink and put his lower back on the bar to rest beside her to enjoy her company.

As he settled, he tuned into their chatter and heard Claudia ask Lynette if she wanted to hang out for another girls' day. Without hesitation, Wicks leaned next to her, showed his face to Claudia, and said, "That's not happening."

Lynette flicked to him, gasping. Wicks sipped his bitter black coffee as she fumbled to speak, "It-it's going to be in a place with humans this time. We're going ice skating."

Wicks lowered his cup and lifted his free hand to her face. " Let me tell you this again, dear little sister." He pinched her cheek lightly, but it still made her whimper. "You aren't going anywhere outside of work without one of your family members there."

"Don't be a meanie, Wicks!" Claudia said. "Let her go and let go of her cheek, that's best friend privileges only." She did snappy lobster claws with her hands.

"Bwest fwriends?" Lynette acted like she couldn't talk properly while he held her cheek.

Wicks disregarded his sisters' antics and glared at Claudia on the screen. "Excuse you, you better not be laying a finger on my sister when I'm not around. She's MINE to tease...and sometimes Charletta and moms."

"I never consented to being teased," Lynette muttered.

Wicks smiled back at her innocently. "Consents not needed in good jests."

"Very true," Claudia nodded from the other side.

"See." Wicks agreed for a moment, then shifted again to Claudia. "HEY." He took the phone from Lynette. "Don't try to get on my good side. No amount of buttering me up or complimenting my sister will make me say yes." He could see Claudia's cat-like grin. You devious little fae.

Claudia whimpered, "Come on, Wicks. It's my birthday. You're not going to let Lynette miss my party, are you?"

Wicks pointed at the phone, and Lynette held him back from pressing the screen. "You celebrated your birthday with me, you liar!"

"Rats."

Wicks let her cheek go, his shoulder still pressed against hers. He exhaled, his tone falling from playfulness, "Do I have to remind you, my sister, in the last, what-"

"6 months on February 8th." Lynette said.

He jerked his coffee to one side away from her, nearly spilling it. His heart started racing. I've also been through a lot these past months too, but you're my sister. You're not supposed to be involved in any of this. "IN "ABOUT THE LAST 6 MONTHS SHE'S BEEN TAKEN 3 TIMES."

Lynette raised her finger, "With Claudia, it wasn't-"

Wicks didn't let her complete that sentence, "3 times." He returned to the phone, "I don't want her out and about with you guys." He didn't mean to say it so rudely. He really didn't hate Claudia. "No offense. She has a terrible track record with anyone from that pizzeria."

"Please, Lynette and I don't hang out much!" Claudia folded her hands together. Is she holding the device with her other hand? It's still swinging slightly.

Wicks caught his sister's glance. Her eyes were wide and pleading. "Don't hit me with those puppy dog eyes!" He forced himself to look away. "This is not up for debate, Lentils. I don't want you in any more danger."

Someone's voice came from Claudia's end. Wicks didn't see them in the video. "We can have it at our apartment." Their head entered the frame, pushing Claudia out of the way and down onto their couch. It was the green-haired girl with long, curly pigtails.

Wicks understood that she worked the morning shift at the pizzeria and had Claudia illegally registered through Zetsu.

"Our apartment is well guarded as this is a C.P.P.A. complex. If something were to happen, several agents are on standby and strict with who enters."

Garter usually works as security entrance detail at that apartment building when they don't send him on other recons. If he's working that day, I'd feel better. Wicks stared down at the phone. No, I shouldn't risk anyone else finding out about Lynette.

"Is that a yes?" His sister asked.

"Don't start," he bit his lip and lifted the phone to look at Tila better. Her eyes look rather soulless, don't they? Fairies have a lot more life to them in fairytales. "Who's going?"

"Girls from our work. None of whom are interested in Lynette in the way you assume." She spoke concisely.

Wicks looked at Lynette to confirm it. He restrained himself from reading her mind.

"Viola's nice, Zilla's not out for me perse, she goes after the others, and-"

"So she gets Alexander and Drake?"

"Mostly Xander, yeah. I have yet to really see her go after Drake. She goes after Lev, too."

Wicks knew very little about Lev. All he concluded was that he didn't like the face she made when mentioning his name. He eats you to, doesn't he? They're all heathens.

Wicks drifted back to Alexander. The half-wendigo still perplexed him. "I'm surprised anyone would chase a hybrid."

"From what her brother told me," Tila answered for Lynette, "Zilla has tastebuds similar to that of a mimic like him." The word mimic made his body tense. I should have been more attentive. "Their anatomy's quite fascinating." She tipped her head up in thought. "If I remember correctly, there were only five other documented cases of a hybrid between a mimic and something else. Obviously, Wendigo's being the most well-known mimic hybrids, theirs becoming a species-"

Wicks fell from Tila's explanation. Not that he meant to disregard her enthusiasm for her knowledge; he simply had to think.

He threw an arm over his sister's shoulder and politely smiled. "She'll call you guys back." He hung up quick to avoid feedback.

"Wicks, she was talking!"

He placed her phone down along with his coffee cup. "Lentils, I don't want you to be kidnapped ever again. You are so lucky it's worked out so far." He couldn't lock onto her gaze.

He kept failing to protect her.

"You aren't a monster. You shouldn't be hanging out with them." He meant nothing against them. He feared what could happen, even though his first failure wasn't considered something with..." monsters."

"I've been with you guys all this time, right?" She said to prove a point.

Wicks' conflict rose. He wanted to say it. His hands that he brought to her shoulders clutched tighter. He didn't want to see her go again. "It hasn't always been smooth. We hid a lot from you, I did, I..." Please, don't leave again.

Her hand delicately touched his, and she smiled. "I want to be involved. I want to hang out with Claudia. I want to do this. Regardless of how rough things are with training, with them..." She hugged his fingers, "I also like seeing you and Garter interact. It's nice to see you coming out of your shell with other people."

He couldn't look at her—he found himself in a stewpot of embarrassment and worry.

She put her other hand up so she could hold both of his hands on her. "I'm not that strong or capable, I know. I'm still scared of what I don't understand about this. But...I don't want to run away. Six months is coming soon, and I won't get into any more trouble if I can help it."

His soft hazel eyes delicately touched her efficacious forest green. They were stronger and ever so hopeful. Her eagerness surprisingly calmed his anxieties like she'd always be there to help him.

His eyes suddenly burned. He was reminded of when it was stripped from her and what he did to get them back.

"Wicks, I love you."

He made himself smile, "I love you too, Lentils." It's over. He said, refusing to let it come out. "A whole speech to convince me you should go to that girl's day, huh?"

Lynette lightly pulled away. "No, I won't go if it'll put you more at ease."

It would. She smiled either way, and his thoughts argued in his head. He didn't want to keep her from everyone. He wanted her to be happy.

Wicks took a deep breath, shoving down his worries. "Any signs of danger, stab it."

He swore her eyes sparkled. "Wait, you're letting me go?"

"You're not leaving their apartment, okay? If you do, I'll never trust you again."

Lynette immediately threw her arms around him in a big hug. "Thank you!"

He squeezed her tight, "You're welcome."

…

Drake

I still can't believe she let him have ANOTHER day. He thought to himself.

As usual, his back was on the wall across from the time clock, and his best friend was beside him. They had been looking at stuff on their phones separately.

As soon as she gets here, I know you never stop complaining about her. But you don't ever do it anymore when she's not around. Drake scrolled through the recent chapter of mechanical cutting tool dude. He wasn't paying much attention to it. You don't do that to piss me off when I break up your fights, do you? He joked in his head.

The phone buzzing in his hand knocked him out of thought. It was the "manager chat".

It only blew up for two reasons: something happened, or his Dad was planning a vacation. As far as Drake saw, it was quiet today. "Is Dad considering another vacation?" Drake muttered.

Alexander peeked over. Drake wasn't going to hide it from him. However, Drake took the opportunity to see he was playing on his phone.

There were a few cats on screen. He recognized the game, where cats occasionally visited the in-game house when the proper food and toys were there.

"That looks like a game Lynette would play. Talking about it together would be a great way for you guys to bond." Drake snickered as he said it.

Alexander turned off his phone screen, "shut up."

Drake then opened up his texts.

Edgar: I'm considering holding a special pizzeria event at our resort. What do you guys think?" 1:50 p.m.

Elliot: It sounds fine. 1:50 p.m

Sandra: I think the others will enjoy it if they get time to relax too.  1:50 p.m

Tristan: I concur.  1:51 p.m

Edgar: Of course, a night celebration on the first day, so they can enjoy the place during the day and possibly the next. 1:51 p.m

If it's that island off the coast, I haven't been there for a while. He saw another message from his Dad toward him.

Edgar: Hey, Drake, what do you think? Would the night crew bite at that idea? 1:52 p.m

Drake peeked around the corner from the wall he was at and down the hall where his Dad's office was. He imagined his Dad's laughing face from his office.

"And guess who's going to be on watch Shrimp duty." Alexander exhaled as he looked back at his phone.

"You invited her here. You're responsible for her." Drake lightly jabbed Alexander in his ribs.

"YoU'rE tHe OnE wHo InViTeD hEr HeRe." He sassed under his breath. "She's your responsibility, Alex. You should watch her, Alex. Don't worry that you eat humans, and she's the fucking best your body can ever get, Alex. You're overreacting, Alex; it can't bother you that-"

"You kinda are."

"I'm going to fucking end you, you little shit."

Drake pursed his lips to hold his laugh and replied to his Dad.

Drake: That's cool. 1:53 p.m

Edgar: Great, I'll get the paperwork set up. I must also run it by the C.P.P.A. to authorize our special employees.  1:53 p.m

He's talking about Claudia and Tila, right?

"Hey, guys." 

Drake squinted at Lynette's approach, not particularly at her. Alexander was ready to say something and glared at his best friend while greeting Lynette.

Be nice. "Hey, Lynette."

"Hey, Shrimp." Alexander put emphasis on the nickname specifically to rile up him and Lynette.

I'm killing you first.

"It's Lynette." She corrected it like always.

Drake assumed that because he annoyed Alexander earlier, he would start a fight with Lynette." I'm not taking back what I said," he said, smirking about using the line she did yesterday.

"You-" She held her tongue.

"Go on, say it, give me more motivation to win today, Shrimp."

Drake stepped on Alexander's foot, regardless of whether it would hurt him, and it caught Alexander's attention.

He tried to keep their focus on the actual game. "Neither of you are winning today, not that I blame you, Lynette." I totally do. "It's Lev's game; no one but him is winning."

Drake picked up on the steps a little late. "Who knows, they could win. I have a game of luck today for everyone.~" Lev tweeted as he walked to them from the kitchen again.

"That's bullshit," Drake said.

"Such a debby downer, aren't you?"

Drake's eyelids dropped, not that anyone could see it. No, I'm not as gullible and willing to roll over to you.

"What's the game?" Alexander asked, crossing his arms.

"I was thinking we could continue that poker game we never played because you worried about hours." He teased Alexander.

"Oh fuck, I am not doing that hour shit."

"You can have the same boring, normal dribble of a bet if you win." Lev's gaze fell on Lynette, "while I'll be betting hours to request what I want."

"What you want?"

"Sound fun, doesn't it?"

Lynette quietly let out her sentence. "I don't like your definition of fun."

"It's nothing bad. It could be as simple as playing games with me like Darts or maybe eating you for a lunch period so I don't have to deal with Zilla," he said.

He's a liar. What else would he want them for?

"Why do I doubt you," Lynette said.

"Are you saying you wouldn't want to use those hours for your own gain? Tell you what, if you win, I'll allow you to use those hours on multiple days—that's five lunch periods. I won't come after you."

Lynette readjusted her ponytail, pulling it nice and tight. "you're planning something."

"I always am, Lynette.~"

Drake sighed.

Lynette wouldn't back down. The determined flare in her eyes was too bright, and it got stupidly brighter the more the days went on. "I'll win then."

Lev chuckled, and Drake saw a glint of his sharp incisors—they only showed with excitement: "That's what I love to hear."

…

Lynette

It had been relatively quiet working registers with Alexander.

I glanced over at him while he wiped down his side of the counter. I should get along, for Drake's sake. Not that I could hate him.

He's so weird. His actions frustrated me to no end. He was so contradictive. He constantly seemed annoyed or did not want anything to do with us, yet he helped me and helped anyone regardless of how they treated him.

"What do you want?"

I shook out of it. "Huh?"

He looked at me wearing a scowl, "You were staring again."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, getting a rag and cleaning my side. "You don't have to say it like I do it the most."

"You do."

"I do not." I looked at him, dampening my wet rag. "I see you glancing at me out of the corner of your eye all the time!"

"You're full of yourself," Alexander grumbled, not denying it, and handed me the dry rag for when I finished. "At least I don't full-on stare at you constantly."

There's no way I do that much. Drake told me the same thing. "I was going to say something to you." I attempted to cover my own butt.

"Say it, and don't stare at me for a whole five minutes."

My voice came out squeaker than I wanted. "It was not five minutes!!"

"Felt like it."

"I didn't."

He took the spray bottle I handed him and leaned over to put it back under the counter. "Well, tell me what you have to say because I'm getting more hungry than I already was and pissed.."

"WHY are you getting hungry?!"

"I'm talking to you."

"How does talking to me make you hungry?!"

Alexander shot a glare, "Because I'm noticing you, hearing your shrill voice-"

"My VOICE isn't shrill!" My vocals betrayed me and rose when I said it.

"Uh-huh." He covered his ear on the side I was on.

My face was hot, and I searched desperately to say something to get him back. "I'd rather sound shrill instead of sounding so gravelly and deep it's hard to understand me."

He turned his head back to me and focused down. "The fuck you mean?"

"When you mutter or growl, I sometimes can't really understand you," I said, "which is how you talk most of the time."

Alexander grinned real wide, "OH, I swear I'm gonna-"

Neither of us noticed our long-haired boss until he touched our heads. "I can hear you both shouting, mostly Alexander, from the back. I don't want either of you to scare away our customers." Edgar said politely. "So apologize and make up, please."

We both said a pitiful sorry. Or Alexander did while I tried to be sincere.

Edgar pointed to the kitchen, "If you need a breather, Alexander, come work the back."

Alexander listened and left.

Edgar took his gentle hand from me. I rarely saw Edgar as of late. Apparently, he had been on a short vacation earlier this month for a 'family reunion.' Drake made it sound brutal.

"You two bicker like Danee and I did back in the day."

I shivered, "What are you implying? I don't like Xander." I was then reminded of yesterday's kiss and wanted to curl up and die. "I mean in that way, as a person..." I don't know how I feel about him as a person.

Edgar put his gloved hand near his mouth. "Sorry, that was a thought for myself." He cleared his throat and changed the subject, "In lighter news, it has come to my attention that you are hitting your six months soon, so that promised payment is on the way, and we can count the little pizzeria vacation as your party." He said quietly, leaning in.

"Vacation?" What is he talking about?

"I've said too much." His wine-red hue gleamed, and his smile wiggled. He wanted to tell me more. He contained himself. "And, Lynette, let me know if you need anything or if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, Tristan and Sandra are here to talk to as well."

He left after that.

Vacation like the festival? That went terribly last time. I did have a weapon this time, though.

The traffic upfront picked up, and it took me longer to get to the back than usual. Granted, it was a poker game, and those usually didn't take long.

By the time I got back there, Lev was shuffling cards with Drake at the table across from him. Xander's late?

"What, you still don't trust me dealing?"

"Of course I don't."

Lev snickered, "As I've said before, why wouldn't I bring a simple game if my goal was to win that easily. There are plenty of things I can almost guarantee none of you will know how to play." He then placed the deck down, "Besides, when Wendie gets here, I want your hat on and the seal redone to make you hear the same as a human. No heartbeats."

Drake put his hat on, "so you can bluff."

"Bluffing is allowed. Besides, this is a cheat-free game, with a new deck, new chips, and new..." Lev ushered me to sit at the table. "Hey, Lynette, take a seat."

I sat between him and Drake.

We waited another ten minutes before Alexander arrived.

Lev spoke up when he did. "I heard you two were having fun at the counter today." He held off dealing the cards. "I wanted to add another rule, and if neither of you like it, you don't have to play."

Drake and Alexander didn't like the sound of that. "What is it?" Alexander asked.

"If you fold, you automatically forfeit all your tokens to the winner, and you must follow those same rules."

"Not playing," Drake dropped out, and he wanted to pull Alexander with him.

Alexander still played, and Lev handed out our two cards. I had two of the same suit, an ace and 9 of hearts.

...

Lev

His heartbeat quickened.

Lynette laid her cards down first and declared her, "flush." He pressed his to his lips and spoke, "What a hand, Lynette.~"

He liked watching her desperately studying him to see if he was trying to fake her out one last time.

He kissed his cards and hummed. "Four of a kind." He tossed his two tens down. It matched the others on the table.

She looked over them in defeat.

"I got a little luckier than you, is all," Lev chuckled as he said so, "but chin up, I'll be using those five hours later, maybe a Tuesday evening."

He heard the skepticism in her voice, "T-tuesday, I'm off Tuesday's."

"Remember our game of old maid? You said no more bets that are more than a day. You never specified when for bets. What day or what time of day." Her expression quickly changed; she opened her mouth to speak, but Lev was faster on the draw. "And now you think you want to rectify that, right? You'll have to play a game with me for that. It can be your own game Monday. Another game of darts, perhaps~." She'd never do that again.

He watched her defiantly shake her head. " Not darts. I'll pick a game we've never played before."

Alexander squinted, having lost to the absurdity as well. "You did all this to have hours outside of work. Can't you get any other human?"

"I have patience." Lev chuckled and continued ruthlessly, "So, I don't want to hear it from the one who was practically salivating over every second of a twenty-four hour deal."

"Fuck off." Alexander's lip twitched, and his growl thrummed, "I just don't get why you always do everything so extra when you're going to fucking eat her."

"Well, Wendie..." Lev's hue spurred with glee. Drake was coming back to the table, so he took a breath, knowing he'd get the two galloping. "It's more of a competition between Lynette and I." He smirked at Lynette before readjusting his gaze to the other two. "Comparatively, you two are background characters. One trying to offer guilt-ridden moral support." Lev's yellow hue went from Drake to Alexander, "and the other is a pitiful attempt at being a threat to hide their underlying insecurities."

Alexander growled, unable to form a coherent response. Lev expected that much from him.

Drake, on the other hand, nearly crushed the bag of blood he had in his clawed hand. "And you're a wannabe playboy who's narcissistically desperate for every little ounce of attention."

Do you think that's it? "Desperate? I can have all the love and admiration I want in an instant. That's too simple."

Lev had more to say, but Lynette stood up from her chair, bringing everyone's gaze to her. "At least they have some reason going after me, regardless of whether I like it." She looked briefly at Alexander and readjusted back to Lev. "You don't."

Her gull pleasantly surprised him. Not that he was scared. He found it cute. You still think you're that knight who'll defeat the dragon. "I've told you countless times before," he placed his palms down and stood up. He made sure he stood in front of her. Alexander shifted in his seat, anticipating a fight. Lev ignored him. "Entertainment is my reason." Lev's yellow eyes drifted to the clock counting down above the door with his name.

"We aren't here to entertain you," Lynette said.

Lev then tilted in, his tone this time not leaving his lips as easily as melted silver. It was sharp like the knife she had strapped to her. "I wouldn't be here if you weren't."

The clock's beeping above the door behind her stopped any further retaliation. Her eyes narrowed in on him. He met her look with his arrogantly smug face and brushed past her.

"Can't wait to compete with you Monday!~" He said aloud as he walked through the door when it pulled back.

He entered the hall and disliked the unsettling ease building in him. He watched his words—he knew he didn't say anything incriminating to her. Maybe it was the fact that something big happened over a month ago, and it altered her.

Whatever it was. Lev didn't like it. Change was inevitable, but it was also painfully...less predictable.

...

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

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What I’d do for a Livable Income Part 2 (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[headbanger1186]

Originally posted January 27th. I'll never be the same again. I miss you so much brother.

You Never Forget Your First Good Boy

Mugen was born February 8th 2008. He took his last breath on January 20th 2023. He stands out as being one of the greatest gifts and acts of kindness my family ever afforded me. He's a good boy and I'm going to keep celebrating his birthday every year even though he won't be standing beside me to see it.

This week has easily been the worst in my adult life. This dog means everything to me, having him back home has made it a little better but there's a piece of my life I'm never going to be able to get back. I knew this day would come, it's natural, it didn't make the blow any easier.

I drove as fast as I could to meet you at the vet and kissed your head one last time before they took you away even though you felt colder than I ever imagined you could be. I held you before you could open your eyes and I held you up again when you were fighting to stand and your heart was giving up. I watched you grow from a puppy to the point of where you passed as an old man.

I did everything I could for you as the vet gave you a fighting chance. I knew you knew it too, I just didn't want to accept it because it all kind of happened so suddenly. You were completely fine until three weeks ago. I'm glad you're not in pain anymore my son and I always carried out my fatherly responsibilities for all of you. If you were still here I'd be waking up extra early to crush up your hip and hemp supplements and giving you lubricated eye drops when your eyes couldn't produce their own tears anymore. I assure you if you were still here today I'd be able to share enough for both of us.

I'll never forget the positivity and joy you brought to me in my life and the pain and happiness we shared. I'll never forget your name, Mugen Burdette. You've had it your whole life and it will never be replaced, you'll never be replaced. My memory keeps me grieving but it also makes me smile when I think of all the times we had together. The last couple of years of your life I knew you enjoyed sleeping and it was hard taking you on walks but we managed.

Your brother and sisters grieve you too. They have been at my side everyday and Johnnie does what he can to make sure I'm ok and I'm still going through the motions to make sure the house stays afloat day to day. You are more than just a dog to me. If anything has given me a reason to believe in the afterlife and something greater it's this. The possibility of seeing you again and just watch my little guy do his doggy pushups one more time gets me through the day.

I've had people and close family pass in my life but nothing has had me this fucked up and shattered as this. There was so much about you that stays with me. Your pushups, your howl when I'd crack the door open to get groceries, you walking up the ramp I got for the couch just to plop right next to me. You are my shadow, you'll always be my shadow. No one ever doubted or questioned your loyalty and everyone called you "Jeff's dog" you will always be my dog.

I fell apart when I got you home again. The joy of having you back combined with the reality just ruined me. It's not your fault I know you never wanted me to hurt and suffer. I never blamed you for anything it just hurts so much. It hurts seeing the imprint of your paw, it hurts seeing you in a box, it hurts being able to hold you in one hand. I love you and all of the people and animals in my house just know whenever I let Johnnie out, I look up to the sky every time wondering if you're out there somewhere still.

At the time of writing this you've been out of my arms for exactly one week. Jan 20th 2:30pm. Life is a blessed and cursed bastard. We get these little creatures knowing we're going to raise them from childhood to hopefully passing as peacefully into old age as teenagers. If I had to go through it all again you bet your tan pig bread loaf booty I would my brother. This pain is deeper and more profound than anything I've ever experienced but knowing I could see you grow and spend time together with me made it all worth it. You're worth it, you all are worth it.

I've said a lot of words here and could write a book about what you mean to me, but you knew. I hope everyone knows. I kiss the ink print of your paw every time I pass the coffee table, you're in my broken heart and in my thoughts. You always will be my brother, my dog, my friend, my best friend. Rest in absolute peace king. You Never Forget Your First Good Boy.

RIP Mugen, Bread Toast, Mugen Bread,Bread Toast Mugen Bread, Breadrick, Breadward, Moog, Moogy, Bread-a-licious, Tan Chungus.

[hopeisacandle]

Uhhhhh

Well, a lot has happened. Let's start in order. I finished my first semester of university! Such an extreme learning curve and very difficult, but I'm excited for the next one. Next, as of Dec 5th, I've been sober for a year. I never thought it would be possible, especially since I used it as a coping mechanisim for so long. Dec 8th was my birthday, I'm 23 now! It definitely could've been better, but it was okay. Now for the biggest thing, I'm moving Jan 7th! I'm so excited. It's in a good area, biggish one bedroom, ease of access to the university. Still two buses but MUCH quicker than where I currently live. I get the place a day after school starts again, so that first week is going to be put on pause until I get all my stuff there. I feel incredibly happy and sad, a big change for me in the new year.

It's been hard to write, since I've been juggling stuff at home while trying to get read for my last exam and ALSO figuring out logistics of a move. Difficult as hell. I just want it to pass already, I know it won't be that hard.

[heymeowmao]

2022.01.07 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324723087882191819

#Let’sMeetMyNewFriends

LYN: ! Oh- I thought it was lagging. Excuse me. Hello everyone~ Welcome to my stream. Happy New Year! LYN: A lot of friends are saying “Happy Birthday,” it’s not my birthday yet. I haven’t streamed the past few days because I wanted to wait for it to be closer to my birth date to make it a little more meaningful.

LYN: You’re currently tuning in and listening to Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’s latest track from his new single called “Fall in Love.” :) I don’t know how many people have heard the song, and I think other than my fans I don’t think anyone is paying attention. But I believe that at this moment there are a lot of passersby tuning in, right? You just happened to be here? I hope you can look up this song by Modern Brothers Liu Yuning called “Fall in Love” and add it to your favorites list, ok? Thank you, my friends. It’s rare that I release an album, so I hope you can support me. And of course, all my songs are free to listen to so I’m not trying to sell you anything. - /thanks Sina Weibo for putting together a little birthday event for him (changing the pic in the comments section); also thanks and asks the staff to fix his comments section because it’s going by too quickly for him to read/ LYN: This is the current speed. Do you think human eyes can see this clearly? Excuse me- because I don’t know how to adjust it. Could you please control the speed for me? LYN: Oh! It stopped. But, laoshi- it doesn’t have to be THIS slow. Now it looks like I’m not popular. /laughs at himself/ LYN: Just a little bit more, laoshi. Ah! Ok, ok! This is perfect. Looks lively AND I can see what people are saying. Comment: Why are you so picky? LYN: It’s not for my own benefit, it’s so that I can see your messages to me more clearly. I don’t care if I go blind, I just don’t want to have insulted all of you here. [..] It’s a mutual interaction right? I need to see what you’re saying so I can properly reply. LYN: Laoshi- I’m sorry, can you speed it up just a litttle more? One comment is popping up each single second and I can’t stand it a little.

LYN: No need to send presents! Though I know weibo has made it so that each person can send up to 108 free ones to liven up the atmosphere, for my birthday. I thank Sina and all my friends out there. Comment: It’s 18. LYN: Oh, not 108? Ah~ Right. Only 18. For January 8th. My birthday. 1-8. Thank you everyone. LYN: Can it also represent that I’m 18 years old? :p Comment: You share a b-day with Guo Degang-laoshi? [t/n: famous cross-talk comedian, father of Guo Qilin (Joy of Life, My Heroic Husband)] LYN: If I remember correctly Guo Degang’s b-day is Jan 18th. I’m not sure- though I know his birthday is also in January.

Comment: Ning-ge, I think you’ve gotten fatter. LYN: ...

LYN: We’re having such a good time, why did you have to bring that up? What sort of words are coming out of your mouth right now? This person sure is interesting, huh? I just opened my stream and we’re all happy and then you say I’ve gotten fat. I haven’t- I’ve actually gotten thinner. When I went to the New Year’s event at Jiangsu there was a scale in the hotel room and I weighed myself. I’m 137kg. [t/n: wait- 302 lbs?? LMAO] That’s before I went to the restroom. 180cm and 137 kg. Where do you want me to gain weight? If I’m any thinner I’ll be a stick. Comment: 37kg? LYN: Not 37kg, 137.

LYN: You can go ahead and send your free presents. Think of them like fireworks, but there’s no need to send any that require money. Comment: Give us a little more. LYN: Do you OWN weibo? It’s like going to a noodle shop and finishing your bowl, but then asking the boss to give you another bowl of soup. You’ve used all your presents and now want weibo to give you more?? What the heck?

LYN: You like my room? I got the cabinet and all the models set up. It looked a little boring so I put up this screen on this side. If you’re bored you can watch the cartoon instead of me. Comment: Where’s the cartoon? LYN: ?__? Are you in the wrong stream? The cartoon is here. /gestures/ What- What is this?? Comment: The tv’s too small, get a bigger one. LYN: !! I can’t afford a bigger one. No- this is an old computer monitor. Let me just leave it there. Right now it’s SpongeBob, but when my drama airs, I’ll play that. LYN: Of course, this is also an ad space, my friends! To any companies or marketing people watching my stream, this counts as a small ad space in my stream. If the bosses think this screen is too small, I can get a bigger one! And then when your drama airs, I can put up the poster for it. If I charge for it I can probably make a pretty penny. Comment: 200 RMB? LYN: Right. 200 for each stream it’s featured in. The small screen means it’s cheaper.

Comment: Lao-da, the camera’s a little off. LYN: No, it’s not the camera, it’s my face. LYN: It’s filming from the side, so it makes the space look bigger and I can get more into the frame. It may look like the cabinet is tilted but it’s not. Another thing is it makes my face look smaller. I couldn’t stream with the camera head-on. Someone already told me I’ve gotten fatter. I hold a grudge.

LYN: People are saying this is my Birthday stream, but it’s really not. I’m already so old- I actually don’t like celebrating birthdays. I really don’t like to. When I celebrate a birthday I feel... very uncomfortable. /plays sad music/ I feel like I’ve just gotten a year older.... and I want to stay young... because I’ve only just debuted. Other people debut in their early 20s. I debuted at 30. Comment: It’s ok, you have the Thermage. LYN: /sigh/ The thing about Thermage is... it can’t save you for a lifetime. Don’t put all your hopes into one product. That... is not likely to end well. Comments: You’ll be 18 forever. // You’re three years old. // Ning-ge, your mental age is 3. LYN: Mm. Yeah, I’m mentally disabled. (sarcastic) LYN: Such an old man with a mental age of three?? Comment: What’s wrong with being three? LYN: Don’t play dumb. The thing I can’t stand is when my fans treat me like a child. I’m a normal person and I hope you all are too. You, too, must be full of dreams. I’m not three and I’m not fragile, except when you mention my age. It’s fine, let’s talk about happier things. Comment: Don’t worry, it’s not 12am yet. LYN: I don’t HAVE to stream past 12!

LYN: SO! Tonight I have taken items out of my private stash for you. Lots of prizes to give out to you. Two grand prizes. The first is on the cheaper side, an Iphone 13 Pro Max- screen protector. I’ll choose three people to win this prize, the type that doesn’t shatter when you drop it. The next big prize is Huang Zitao’s photocard. I’ve always wanted to give this out but never had a good chance. I think it’s time for these three to go. They’re not doing anything in my house anyway. I lied to him the last time and told him I burned them, but I still have them and I’m giving them away. Okay, my friends? I’ll be giving these away during my stream so I hope you don’t leave. Of course, I don’t only have those. I have my own items as well~ Do you remember I released a song called “Defeat”? For the Soul Land (Douluo) app game, it’s Tang San’s character theme song. The brand was really nice and sent me some CDs- I have 15 here. Of course, there’s only the one song on it. It’s been sitting around in my house for quite some time, so I signed each one and I will be giving them away as well. You can listen to the track online, but just keep this as a souvenir- it doesn’t have any market value, just keep it as a souvenir from this stream. Comment: What happens if I can’t win one? LYN: Why are you discouraged? Let me tell you, you shouldn’t live your life expecting disappointment- you’ll spend your life very unhappy. In any situation you will think of the worst case, but you have to know that the worst case is not a sure thing. There are so many people in the stream and only 15 CDs. If you are able to win one, you should count yourself as extremely lucky. If you don’t win one, then that’s normal. When the sun rises tomorrow, you still have to wake up and face the day. Don’t let this affect your life.  Comment: Raffle your old car. LYN: /sigh/ What’s it to you that I got a new car? If, one day I move houses, do you expect me to raffle off the old house too? - /explains how much he’s used the old car: it’s been three years and it’s run more than 80,000 miles./ LYN: People saw the new car and were speculating. “It’s not new. How can Ning-ge change a new car when he’s so stingy? It must be the drama crew’s.” I saw this comment and got mad. First of all- what am I filming for right now? AND! What, do you think I film a program and get gifted a car? Like, the program’s finished filming and then they just gave me the car??? There’s no way. And secondly- I REALLY spent money on it. I bought it with my own money and my fans are saying it’s not my car. Makes me feel like my money was wasted. You know? You buy something new and want to show it off but people say, “Eyy. He’s renting it.” It’s like this- you bought a house in a nice neighborhood and invite your colleagues over to visit; One of your colleagues says, “Can you even afford this? You must be renting it . Stop pretending.” How would you feel?? Comment: Why doesn’t [the car brand] endorse you? LYN: WHy SHould tHEy??? Comment: Is it on credit/loan? LYN: I paid in full. >:[ Comment: Is it new or secondhand? LYN: LOL LYN: A lot of people in my stream are my fans, and a lot may be the passersby. See how my fans treat me? This is what they think of me! If I get a car, it’s not mine but the drama crew’s. If it IS mine, it must be paid via loan, because I can’t afford it. If it isn’t on loan, then it must be secondhand. This is how much faith they have in me. LYN: It’s brand new. The newest model. LYN: My plans for the old car is to... rent it out to the drama crew. Because they need vehicles sometimes. My staff can follow behind and transport other actors. I can make a little money from it everyday. I think if it can continue like that for 10 years, it’ll pay for itself. [..] The next time I’m cast in something I’ll tell them straight up, “I have a car here that I can rent out to you. If you don’t rent it, then I won’t film.” I’m sure they can manage. :p LYN: There’s one more prize. That’s right- Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’s vinyl. I only have three, and I’ve signed them all. There’s no value- nothing of mine has value, just think of it as a souvenir. Now, you may be thinking “Weren’t there only 8000 copies, did you steal these three from us?” No- the company made these especially for me- there’s no number code. Comment: For your screen protector, guess I’ve gotta go buy a phone now. LYN: Uh.... how about you win (the protector) first? This is like thinking, “What am I going to do with 5mil RMB when I win it?” First- don’t think of how to spend the money. You’ve got to buy the ticket first. Of course, if you’re in the stream you already have the right to win any of the prizes. Comment: Are they pirated/bootleg? LYN: Are you talking about the vinyl? They’re not pirated! Also- is there any meaning in pirating my vinyl?

Comment: I like you, and my two daughters do too. Is it asking too much if all three of us want something from you? LYN: It’s not... asking too much... but there’s really no... need.

Comment: Didn’t you say there was a secret on the cover (of the Fall in Love single)? LYN: They did say that, but I couldn’t tell what it was myself, either. They said if you look at it and then rotate your phone between horizontal and vertical, there’s a heart in the middle. LYN: What high technology (高科技 (gāo kējì). But it also depends on your imagination (想像力 (xiǎngxiànglì)).

Comment: Give out red envelopes! LYN: ... Why should I? Aren’t YOU supposed to be helping ME celebrate MY birthday? When it’s your friend’s birthday, do you ask for a red envelope from them too? Aren’t you supposed to give your friend a present or a cake or something? It’s like it’s someone else’s birthday and you’re here to make money. Comment: Aren’t we friends? LYN: We are. Give me a cake. Send it to my house. Sing me the birthday song. But you’re not doing either, so why should I give you a red envelope? Comment: Aren’t we different from other people? [t/n: he’s said before that his relationship with his fans is different from other peoples’] LYN: Frankly speaking, we’re no different from other people. My “different” is not YOUR “different.” Comment: Give me your address. LYN: You’re not going to send me a cake, you just want to come play at my house, don’t you? There are no special guests for my stream today- someone asked me earlier. No one’s coming to help me celebrate my birthday. This is... /plays sad music/ This is just the cruelty of society. LYN: Because! Because I didn’t tell anyone. There was no need. For my birthday, I think of it this way: I always used to spend it with fans. That’s the truth. Privately I have never really celebrated it. It’s just a birthday- nothing to it. I just thought I would come to stream with you, just like any other day. I’m really not the type to celebrate birthdays. So.. there’s no need.

Comment: SpongeBob is over. LYN: It’s ok. It’ll auto-play the next episode. You don’t need to worry about the equipment in the background- I’ve already planned for it. To prep for this stream today I was up until 3-4 in the morning setting everything up. All for the perfect backdrop. LYN: Also- My birthday is tomorrow. Today is the 7th. Don’t misunderstand and think my birthday is the 7th.

Comment: Can you shut your mouth so I can reminisce about Hao Du. LYN: !! HOW INSOLENT! You want me to shut my mouth in my own stream?? I will never agree to do so. LYN: You know what this is like? Like you’ve gone to your friend’s house for a visit, but the moment you step through the door you tell your friend to get out. You’re in THEIR house making demands??? 

Comment: You hair is covering your eyes. LYN: So I can look more laid-back :) No- the reason I’m leaving my hair longer these days is because I’m gonna need it for my next drama. The current drama uses my own hair, but they just add some braids on top. So I’ve been leaving the long hair for the role. Also, this role...... please don’t get your hopes up for me looking cool at all. I will not be. They put such dark foundation on me. As dark as I was in Ultimate Note, this is five shades darker. Because the hair and costuming all comes from the role. The character is more rugged and... he’s lived a rough life. There’s no way he can be handsome and pale, like an idol. Comment: Just because he’s dark, doesn’t mean he’s not handsome. LYN: No, but there’s a saying that goes “ 一白遮三丑”... [lit. “One White Covering Three Ugliness”, wherein having pale skin can cover many other facial defects. The “three” in the saying does not specify the number 3 but rather uses “three” to mean “some large number”] LYN: ... Your Ning-ge has 46 Uglinesses in total. I have 1 White- which covers 3 Uglinesses. I still have 43 uglinesses left. LYN: So please don’t have any expectations for it- I myself am not looking forward to it very much. But I have to say, that as an actor the most important thing to look at is the character itself and whether you can represent them, not the appearance of the character. I think (looking at appearances) is the wrong way of thinking. Comment: Fine. If you’re not handsome, then I’m not watching that drama. LYN: Whether you watch or not is up to you. What are you threatening me for? Are you threatening me or the broadcast network? I saw a lot of comments on dramas I’ve acted in previously- they go, “Liu Yuning’s in this? I’m not watching anymore. I wanted to, but  because of LYN I don’t want to.” I’ve seen these comments before and I’m just thinking to myself, “How childish are you???” First of all, that’s childish. Secondly, we’re not going to miss you. You’re thinking too highly of yourself. We don’t care. Your single opinion is not going to change the drama. You don’t need to watch. Other people will and that’s fine.

Comment: What’s this song called? LYN: This song is called- /gently/ Fall In Love. It’s a song from my new album. This must be one of my long-time fans. :) Purposely cue-ing me in my own stream.

Comment: When’s Bai Choufei coming? LYN: Everyone’s looking forward to it, and I’ve actually been asking myself because I hope that my dramas can air soon. Zeng Shunxi posted in the group chat that he went to record the OST. I asked him why he’s only doing it now, when I recorded for it a month ago. IF THE DRAMA CAN’T AIR ON TIME IT’S BECAUSE ZENG SHUNXI HADN’T RECORDED HIS PART. Blame him, my friends. All because he didn’t record his part in the song. Of course, I’m kidding.  LYN: It’s supposed to- POSSIBLY air March or April. PROBABLY. Only a speculation. The end of March into early April. But the details... depend on... the details. XD Comment: ALZ?  LYN: ALZ? Probably next year- they HOPE- July-August or August-September. This is the predicted air date. From filming start to air date always takes about one year. The Long Ballad was pretty quick- they didn’t need one year. But all others usually take between 1-1.5 years to air after filming start; when all the post-production is finished. Oh- not next year, this year. The year of 2022. I apologize I misspoke. My mind hasn’t turned over yet. This year! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Comment: Zi Chuan? LYN: As for Zi Chuan.. that’s more... I don’t know. I really don’t know, because there are a lot of visual effects (VFX) to add in post. Whether a drama is quick to air or not all depends on how much VFX they need to add in post. Editing is quick. VFX is a little slower.

Comment: I’m going to go listen to the song now. LYN: Don’t leave. You can listen to the song in my stream just the same.

Comment: What’s the name of your current drama? LYN: Fu Shi Hui (Floating World), but it’s just a temporary name. We’re not sure of what it will be called when it’s finally ready to air, but we’ll all find out. You all know, a lot of dramas have different names from when it airs. But for this one I have fewer scenes, only 100 or so. But I really like the character; it counts as an exercise (of my acting).  Comment: What number (lead) are you? LYN: I think it’s 4th? 3 or 4. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. Comment: What number are you? LYN: I’m the female lead. I saw someone ask if I was the female lead. I- you must be nuts.

Comment: Are you coming to Tianjin to film for a program tomorrow? LYN: No. I’ve had a tight schedule in the drama crew and I still have a lot of OSTs I owe people. So I’ve been filming, recording (OSTs and songs for the album), and there are some New Year events to go to later. It’s complicated because there’s also been a outbreak in this region, so I’ll stay put in Hengdian. - /explaining the region-province-city and how it’s complicated because you have to test before you go, but also again when you arrive... anyway it’s complicated so it’s better not to wander and just stay put and stay safe./

Comment: Are you going to keep this song on loop all night? LYN: You really are hard to please. What you mean to say is.. you’re tired of it already, right? Such wonderful music and you’re tired of hearing it?? Comment: Play a different song. LYN: If you had even an ounce of humanity you wouldn’t say such a thing. Even if you’re thinking that you can’t stand this song any longer, if you had a conscience you wouldn’t voice it. Really, you’re too hard to please. The other day I saw some fans talking to each other, asking why I always play the same songs on my streams, but never my own. If I played my own then at least people who only dropped in might be interested and look it up, and in the end the ratings for the song would rise on its own. After I saw those comments I thought they were right. Then I should play my songs more. But here I am, playing my own song and someones says they’re tired of it. Should you be annoyed by this or should I???  LYN: /sigh/ I’ll change it for you. LYN: /plays Magical Surprise/ LYN: How’s this?

-/preps for the first giveaway- the three HZT photocards/ LYN: A lot of people don’t know where these came from. One day I did an outside stream and went shopping around. I saw a store selling celeb posters and went in to look for any Liu Yuning products, because I really like this LYN person. He’s not very amazing but he’s really down to earth. I went into the store and asked if they had anything of Liu Yuning’s and the shop owner replied, “Uh... Who’s Liu Yuning?” I replied back, “It... doesn’t matter who Liu Yuning is. I’ll just buy some of Huang Zitao.” Says the shop owner, “HZT! We have the most of his!” LYN: I’m the type of person who- if I’ve walked into a shop and already communicated- then I feel bad just walking out. So I was forced, against my will, to buy three HZT photocards. It’s not doing anything in my house so I thought I would give them away as a prize during my stream. What you do with it after you receive it is your own business. This also counts as me giving a friend some sales. Comment: Sign it. LYN: You want me to sign on HZT’s photocard? Am I crazy? /prepping for the giveaway/ LYN: We should decide on a  saying you all can type that makes you qualified for the prize. For example something like “Liu Yuning’s so handsome” or “Liu Yuning’s so cool.” Is there something like this we can use? You can think of one. Of course- I’m not trying to compliment myself or anything. You can think of something suitable. LYN: How about this. Use “Fall In Love”. I’ll take a screenshot and the first three names will win my- no, HZT’s photocard.

Comment: Despicable! How come it wasn’t me?! LYN: Do I have to teach you another lesson on how to be a human? First- I’m clearly giving HZT’s photo. Even if you REALLY wanted it, you have to pretend that you didn’t. You can’t make it seem like HZT is more welcome here (in lyn’s stream) than I am (lyn himself). That makes me unhappy. Right? [Just joking!!] Comment: Well, I didn’t want it. LYN: Because you didn’t win anyway. Comment: Despicable! Thankfully it wasn’t me. LYN: This is wrong too! No matter how you look at it HZT is my friend, how could you say such a thing? Comment: Only you know how to be human. LYN: I’m kidding, come on. This is all for entertainment. Everyone works hard every day and there’s a lot of pressure in life. You don’t need to see the bait and hook yourself. Ok? Don’t take everything at face value and get yourself worked up. Relax a little. LYN: Just like last time with Tianming. He came with Qin Junjie and when they left I gave QJJ a model figure but I didn’t give Tianming one. A group of people saw this and got things stirred up, saying I wasn’t a good person. QJJ’s a celeb so I gave him a model but CTM’s a rookie actor so he got nothing. Am I someone to get caught up in the details like that? I’m stingy with myself but go out and ask anyone- ask them if Liu Yuning is a stingy person. Am I right? I’m not. Comment: (They said) You are. LYN: Don’t take the bait for everything you see! LYN: Anyway! A group of people- I don’t know if they were antis or what- start commenting on my character. I think of it this way. If you’re such a kind person, I’ll go ask for CTM’s address. YOU can send him something. Do it yourself if you are able.

Comment: A Marvel fan is here! LYN: But look, there’s Batman in there? All’s game here. No matter if you’re a Marvel or a DC fan, we’re all the same here. No fanwars.

Comment: Ning-ge is your hat new? LYN: It is. I bought it went I went to the Jiangsu event. I just want to say- I'm really thankful for the fans who came and cheered me on on New Year’s. I’m happy that you were you were happy and able to attend. You all were screaming down there and I was afraid if someone gave you a plastic stool you’d be able to climb onstage from the pit. I saw a few male attendees too- I don't know if you were dragged there by your counterpart or if you really are my fans, but I saw you hollering too. It really needed the boost in mood. This counts as you spending the new year with me. It’s great and a happy thing. Comment: It was really tiring, you couldn’t sit. LYN: You can't sit in the pit? Um... then there’s no helping it. Because you have to bring the mood up. If you wanted to sit you could have just gone back to your room and have a rest. Comment: I went there to watch Zhou Shen. LYN: Uhm... what are you telling me for? Why do I need to know? Zhou Shen is a really good friend though. Comment: I went to see Joker Xue. LYN: Ehm.. I know them all. They’re all very nice. But you still don’t have to tell me. It’s like this- one day you’re at home with your mom. I really like to make these examples. You’re home with your mom and you ask her, “Mom, do you think I am the best kid in the world?” And your mom says, “I like Aunt Liu’s son, next door. He’s smart, works hard, makes a lot of money, and looks presentable. Look at yourself.” Tell me how you would feel. Tell me. LYN: The Liu kid next door. 1.8m tall. Just as an example. LYN: I have to teach you how to be a human again? If you want to have some smarts you’ve got to SAY that you were there to see me, but know that you were there to see Joker. Just pretend to watch my performance. You bought the ticket already anyway, you’re just gonna stand there and watch one person??? This isn’t what I wanted to talk about- LYN: About the hat. Everyone knows I like to go shopping- and buy nice clothes so I can wear them to my stream or a program. But this has been my third year attending the Jiangsu New Years event and I think a lot of people already know my itinerary because it seems like you all came out to block my way [they converged upon the area he went shopping].  LYN: Oh, am I trending? #39? LYN: Anyway, but you came out and saw me. I’m happy that you’re able to spend time with me in this way but it’s also a little burdensome. I went into a store and my fans crowded the shop front, aiming their phones inside. This is your freedom. If you follow me the only thing I can do is ask that you stop following me and let me shop in peace. It’s rare that I have some time off, I want to enjoy myself! :’( Let me relax, please. I always ask my fans and a lot of them listen, but there are some who are dead set on following me around. I can’t do anything about it. But the other thing is! I’m in there trying on clothes, what are you recording for? Sticking your phone against the glass. What are you doing. Comment: Is it because the fans were there and you couldn’t negotiate the price? (ask for a discount) LYN: I don’t need to do that! The problem is- I was planning a flashy entrance with that outfit but if you record it and post it online then I bought it for nothing! (b/c everyone’s already seen the clothes on him.) The flashy entrance for that outfit would end up being in your video! That’s what I can’t stand the most. I feel like my money was wasted. Comment: Online shop. LYN: I do, but the problem is that it’s not the same- some clothes you really have to try on. I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m so handsome that anything looks good on me, ok? I also enjoy the feeling of wandering around while shopping. Staying cooped up in the house all the time is stuffy, I need to take a walk sometimes. I can’t just stay inside the house sleeping all day like my dog. But, even DaiMi has to take walks.

LYN: I saw something the other day.. Let me read it for you. I saw it and I saved it. Eh? It’s gone. It said that I was going to sign with some company... let me think about how to say this. It said that I was signing under Yang Yang’s company (Yuekai Entertainment) and that I had some sort of collab with them. That’s not true. I don’t know where they’re getting their information. LYN: I’m not looking to sign with any agency. I had one before and you all know how that ended. So now I have my own group, my own studio, and we’re doing quite well. I told you before that I did work with Yuekai for my previous concert. The next one, as well as this album is also with Yuekai. It’s purely a business contract for my music. I’m not signing with the agency and won’t sign with any.  Comment: You can open your own. LYN: Modern Brothers Liu Yuning Studio IS a company, isn’t it? We’re not signing any artists, we just want to be ourselves. We’re doing fine with what we can. So anything you see about me signing with a company is complete nonsense. Comment: Will you sign anyone in the future? LYN: If I do, why don’t I sign all of you? No- I really haven’t thought about it before. I can’t even get myself straight, if I sign anyone then I’ll feel like I won’t be able to uphold my responsibility for them. If any of you want to join an agency I would suggest the big ones like Yuekai, or Linghe. Other than me, we do have another artist and that’s Daimi. I’m planning some work for her later like.. doggy pads, dog food, etc. Any of my fans who own a dog can help support her.

Comment: Ning-ge, you’re just one person, so why is it called “Modern Brothers”? LYN: This is like uh... BonBon Girls. Just as an example- go up to one of them and ask why they’re “BonBon GIRLS.” Ask Chaoyue why she’s solo but known as “Rocket Girls.” I’m just one part of the Modern Brothers, do you not understand this concept?

- /someone asks about his shirt- he bought it new for the stream. lyn then thanks weibo for setting everything up for this particular stream and for everything they’ve done for him the past year and for his input. in a previous stream lyn had said that weibo would like suggestions from him for anything they can improve on and he offhandedly, half-jokingly asked them to upgrade their beauty filters on mobile. weibo then went on to buyout/acquire a company that specializes in just this!/ Comment: Name a special effect (filter) after Liu Yuning. LYN: There’s no need. If weibo succeeds with upgrading these filters then their wish is for other artists to start streaming. I’ve seen that recently a lot of artists have! It’s great. If you name something after me they’re not going to come anymore. It’s a good thing that the circle is expanding with artists and singers! It’ll create a thriving environment and everyone will start to like/accept streaming even more. Comment: You’ve started the whole “Artists Live-streaming” Movement. LYN: Don’t give me this high-hat. MY hat is very tall, but don’t you give my any. I can’t start anything, and don’t go out saying that I have. Ok? You have to remember that I am not as amazing as you think I am. I can’t uphold you faith in me! Who am I, even? I can brag about myself but don’t brag about me for me.

- /weibo made stats for him. from 2021-2022, he’s streamed 46 times for a total of 9015 minutes (150 hours). for 20 of these streams he was live past 12am./ Comment: Ning-ge, this year you have to stream 100 times. LYN: /sigh/ I have important things to do... I CAN stream, I am still happy to do it but I’ve also gotta work. I’ll work to stream a little more than last year, but it definitely won’t be less. Ok? That I can promise you.

- /bathroom break/

Comment: As a new fan these past two months I’ve been catching up. LYN: Catching up on all my old content? That’s quite nice, thank you. While you’re doing that, please remember to keep up with your work/studies. LYN: Something that’s touching is that- I used to go to Changsha for work right? There was a fan- I heard from my staff, she said that she came to see me, but found that the majority of other fans were wearing wedding dresses and she was the only one who wasn’t. She said she was a student and she couldn’t afford to buy a dress, but that she really really liked me. She said she would study hard and when she found a job she would work hard so that she could come to one of my concerts. The fan said that before she watched my streams she was quite rebellious and she would fight with her mom, but after watching my streams her mindset changed. After I heard this story I thought to myself, “Do I have this ability? Or is she overthinking it?” But if what she said was true, and that I was able to influence her positively in any way, then that would be something very meaningful for me. I’m not good and I’m not brilliant but if my everyday nonsense gave her a tiny bit of influence that changed her life for the better, then that’s my greatest honor. She’s a student so I want to tell her, really to have a learning mindset. I’m not just saying this. If your family has the money to send you to school then you should focus on your studies, otherwise why don’t you quit and get a job, and focus on supporting your family in return? Since you chose to study, do it well. Do it to the best of your ability and you won’t regret it later. LYN: Truthfully as an artist, singer, or actor- anyone in this industry- you never know what’s coming tomorrow. All of our work- I’m not saying it’s not easy, I just want to share- it’s like a part-time job. If you have work today, you do it. If you don’t have work tomorrow, you sit around doing nothing. There’s a great sense of insecurity. Do you understand? Right now it’s fine, because of all of you I always have work. But at the end of the day they’re all part-time jobs. This is something everyone (in any industry/job) will face. I’m not saying it’s hard on me- it’s already been plenty easy and I’ve been very lucky. But I wanted to say that I don’t know how many more years I can continue to be around- how many more works I can produce, how many more songs I can release, until the day no one cares to listen anymore. I don’t know how long it will be but I want to say that If I can DO something with the days I still have and IF I can influence people then that will be my greatest accomplishment. 

LYN: I’m over here chatting and I saw someone ask twice, “Ge, do you know Jackson Wang?” LYN: >.< This is why having a healthy mindset is important. I’m not angry, but I’m talking here and you keep asking me about other things. LYN: Of course I KNOW him; We were introduced by HZT. But a lot of us don’t have a lot of time to get to know each other. If we meet somewhere we’ll greet one another but getting together and hanging out like friends... we don’t have the time. It’s fine. Don’t let your imagination run wild. What are you doing?? [t/n: OMG. Jackson loves a man who can cook. I want to see this interaction now. But Jacks might be wary of the height difference. XD]

Comment: Change of topic. LYN: Don’t worry. By now I’ve gained enough sense to know what I can and can’t talk about. Before I just said whatever, but now I know better. But if I control too much then my stream would become meaningless. It wouldn’t be me. Don’t a lot of people think of me as the “Older Cousin” of the entertainment industry? I don’t even know where this came from. I’m the person you come to to ask about the inner-workings of this industry that people aren’t familiar with. Of course, I will never harm another person in doing so. I will never point out someone in particular, never aim to harm, I’m just giving you the general info. Right, ‘cuz? LYN: There are all sorts of people here. I’ve met some bad ones but I will never strictly label them as “bad.” If I encounter bad people or bad practices- I’m not saying I’m superior- I just take it as a learning opportunity and tell myself never to become like those people. LYN: When I’m filming a scene with someone, I like to secretly learn their techniques. I’ve said before, that every actor has their own routine. I’m not talking about acting routine- what I mean is that no matter what character they play, there’s always something that makes that character THEIRS. Like with singing- no matter what manner of song I sing you can still hear that it’s me. Acting is the same. So I learn by watching other actors, and sometimes I... I will see some actors and think that maybe the way they do things is not the best. I’ll think to myself, that this is how they execute (this action) and tell myself that I should never do it like them. LYN: There’s something that left a big impression on me. I met some artist- they’re really famous. I met them at an event and greeted them- because I don’t have any sort of social anxiety or avoidance. It’s normal to do a simple greeting, even if you don’t know that person. So I met this person, who I’ve met multiple times before, and they looked at me like this: /indifferent glance/.

LYN’s Inner Reaction: /da fuq/

LYN: Um. My reaction at the time was “Oh? What does THAT mean?” Normal reactions are a greeting back and some small and quick chitchat. But they just /imitates the indifferent glance again/. Comment: Maybe they’re nearsighted. LYN: It wasn’t nearsightedness. I was just thinking- there’s no need to pretend that you’re so unfamiliar with me. You have your methods , you’re probably great; but you didn’t need to pretend like that. I wasn’t angry, I just didn’t understand. So I told myself to never be like them. LYN: ANOTHER one I greeted looked at me like this: /side-eyed glance/. LYN: You don’t need to try and guess. You probably won’t guess right. In any case I wanted to tell myself that no matter how “hot” I think I am, to never act that way to someone else.

- /part 2 of the giveaway - Duoluo OST. he has 15 cds and will split it into three rounds of five./ ► ROUND 1. LYN: We’ll do the next round in 10 minutes. Comment: Let’s do it now. LYN: Are you in a rush to get to sleep? It’s 8:30p and at that time people already told me that they were sleepy. Do you have rehearsals tomorrow? Or are you going to wake up at 4a to go for a run? Shop for groceries? Are you even young? If you are then stay up! Comment; I have a test tomorrow. LYN: Oh, a test? I don’t know what type, but if you have a test then go get some rest or study some more.

LYN: I hope you pass your test. If you get the results tomorrow then remember to come back and @ me. Tell me you’ve succeeded. - /makes a small comment about how he’s always learning new idioms during his stream; then he’s reading all the idioms they send him in the comments lol/

LYN: My streams, you all know by now. I'm just here to chat and I don’t make any preparations. Someone asked me before who wrote the script for my streams- you all write comments and I reply to them. That’s how real it is. I don’t have the skill or ability to write myself a whole script. LYN: Someone asked me the other day, “Ning-ge, are you raising a pig?” And I asked them why. They told me I made Daimi fat. You think she’s too fat? I think it’s nice. I just want her to live happily and healthily. I mean- I admit she is a little chubby. I’ve got to take her on a run sometimes. She’s so chubby I can’t tell which is the front and which is the back. XD Comment: How about raising a cat? LYN: I don’t want to raise one because cats shed fur. Plus I already have my hands full with Daimi. Comments: Dogs shed. LYN: Not Daimi’s breed. [t/n: naming dog breeds I don’t know in Chinese lmao; Daimi and the dog he used to own in Dandong both don’t shed. He used to own another dog (with big ears) that DID shed and couldn’t handle.] Comment: A hairless cat. LYN: No, no, never. I told you before, why I don’t want to raise a cat. I’ve never raised one I so I don’t know if this is accurate but I read online that cats are very... Like, if I call Daimi she’ll probably run over right away. But if I call for a cat they might not be as responsive. They’ll come to you when they want and ignore you when they want. They’re a proud animal. I’ll give them food and water every day but they might not think of me at all! Comment: Raise a clingy one. LYN: :| There’s that (the attitude) but also the shedding. I prefer raising dogs because I think that in their eyes their owner is their whole world. Like if I go out to have a meal and come back- no matter how many times I go out in a day she will always greet me like excitedly like it’s the first time she’s seeing me. That’s touching. Even if I don’t like to hug them, but Daimi is amazing. LYN: I’m over here talking about my dog and there are people in the comments saying, “Ning-ge, I am also quite clingy.” Do you mean you want me to raise you? My goodness. You must be crazy! That has nothing to do with me.

- /CD Giveaway Round 2!/ LYN: Hold on, let me say something first. I met someone who used to not know me, but my friends (fans) seem to know EVERYONE, including my drama director (Wei Lizhou). The last time we worked together he asked me for an autograph. This time, before we even started he asked me if I could prepare some more (autographs) for him. I asked him what was up. He told me his mom’s neighbor’s kid really liked me. Your networking is truly thorough and complex. Yesterday I went to record with a band, and the lead vocal came to me and told me they had a friend who really liked me and asked if I could leave her a voice message through their phone. This friend is one who often draws fan-art for me. Thorough and complex...

- /looking for a song to sing (Imagine), but wants a special effect that’s both interesting but wont hurt the eyes, bc some of the viewers are ~sensitive~/ LYN: How’s this one? /picks a flashing/static filter/ Is this too much? Can you power through it for me? No? LYN: How about this one /colorful zoom in, zoom out/ Oh. This one makes ME dizzy. /goes through a couple more, lands on the purple fire again./ LYN: Let’s use this one. If this makes your eyes hurt, then close your eyes. When I say “OK” you can open them again. [..] LYN: Ok! Open your eyes, I’ve turned the filter off. LYN: I saw someone say something that touched me. Because when I sing I look at the comments and if anyone’s yelling at me I’ll kick them out- but no you were pretty much all cheering me on. But I saw one that said, “Liu Yuning. This is the best song I’ve ever heard in my life. I’ve never heard such a nice song before.” I was touched. Not because she complimented me, but because I felt like this person has never had anything nice. I thought she was so sad. [t/n: so.. pity?] This is a joke. But it made me think of something- when I held my first concerts a lot of people flew in from all over to attend. I remember there was a fan who told me they rode a plane for the first time to come watch me and I was happy for them. It’s like that. Thank you for helping me reminisce about that touching moment. Comment: I also want to go to your concert... LYN: Ok, next I'’ll sing for you “She Came to Listen to My Concert” by Jacky Cheung. /starts looking for it but then decides not to sing it :p/

Comment: The cartoon is nice! LYN: Do you not have a phone? No tv in your house? If you don’t have a tv, you must have some sort of electronic device. Can’t you just play it yourself?? You came here just to watch my tv?! The tv is support, I am the main event, ok? Please focus your attention on my face and not the screen in the back. Or else I’ll smash it right now! I’ll get jealous of it. My jealousy levels are really high! Comment: The tv looks better than you. LYN: Alright then, watch the tv. You can watch tv, just don’t leave. Comment: Don’t play the cartoon, put your own picture there. LYN: ... There’s no need. That space is mainly there to use as future ad space. Every stream has expenses- the wifi, the electricity, for the prizes the mailing cost! So I want to see if one day I can rely on this little screen to help me make my money back. If you have any currently airing dramas you want me to promote, a four-hour screen-time rate is 200RMB. I can put the poster, teaser, trailer, anything you want. 200RMB a night. See if that’s a good deal, and maybe we can collab with some broadcast stations. Comment: Do you charge to put your own picture there? LYN: Of course not. Do you know why producers with a good eye come to ask me to act for them? Because I have my capital- and that’s this little screen. If they hire me they save 200RMB and get this prime ad space! Usually those who ask me to act, I will also agree to sing an OST for them. To eliminate the chances that they can’t hire me and they can rest easy. As long as you ask me to act for you, if you ask me for an OST as well, I will definitely take the job. Of course, payment has to be received (payment for acting vs payment for singing). But we can eliminate the awkward situation where I can act but not sing for a single production. Comment: You made yourself happy. LYN: Just listen to it for entertainment, you don’t have to be so rigid/stiff with your life. It’s just for fun. I was just joking around! But honestly I am a little low on work right now so if you want me to sing an OST for you, please come and find me. If you need me, come find me. LYN: Sorry friends, I’m going to promote myself a little! For OSTs, my product-cost ratio is pretty high. Not only will I sing for your drama and make a weibo post about it, I will also play the song on loop in my stream AND I’ll throw in this advertising space for free. Those are the benefits of hiring me to sing an OST for you. LYN: ~To buy a Ferrari, sing more OSTs~ [t/n: from the hilarious LYN “Bad Guy” edit]

- /last round of part 2 of the giveaway; one of the winner’s ID’s has “Vietnam” in the name.../ LYN: You’re in Vietnam? Uh... Are you coming back for New Years? Uhm.. how about you... send me your local address when you come back to spend the new year.

Comment: What about the screen protectors? LYN: The quality of those wasn’t too good, and I accidentally shattered them. So I won’t be able to send them out and I’m not going to send you a defective product anyway. Comment: Ning-ge, if you’re afraid of the postage fee, have it set to “pay on delivery.” LYN: There’s no need for that. I send it out and make the winners pay for delivery? What if they didn’t really want the prize, now they have to pay 200RMB for postage. There’s no need. I should be a good person until the end. Since I’m already giving these items away I see it through and pay for postage too. It’s not like I can’t make this money back, am I such a stingy person?? How embarrassing. What if they end up returning to sender? How do you think I would feel? Comment: Pay on Delivery! Because my company pays for all deliveries. LYN: The company even has to pay for your personal packages? Please don’t be like this, my friends. Comment: Awkward. Sing a song. LYN: There’s no such thing as an awkward/embarrassing moment in my streams. Because I am the King; as long as I am not embarrassed, the one who is embarrassed is you.

- /thinking about the next song to sing/ LYN: I really like this song called “孤独的人在哪里 (Where Are All the Lonely People)” but this song is a little depressing. It’s depressing but every time I hear this song I go, “Hmm?” I don’t know if anyone else likes this song? I really like this song, but it’s not widely liked. It’s a quiet song. LYN: I’m afraid to sing this song right now because it’s already 11p and I don’t want to sing you to sleep. LYN: Whatever, I’m just going to sing it. I haven’t in a long time. We don’t need a special filter for this one, but maybe something “lonely.” - /picks a starry bg and starts singing Meteor Garden OST XD; couldn’t find the lyrics to post up so decides not to sing the song/ LYN:  昨日少年 (The Boy from Yesterday)? Let me see if there’s lyrics for that. There isn’t so I won’t sing it either. Let’s give up on it.

LYN: Alright, that was a song from my first EP. But actually there’s still one song from that album that hasn’t been released yet, and I haven’t included it on the new album either. I always felt like I wasn’t satisfied with how it came out so I haven’t released that song yet. It’s okay though because all my songs are free so.. (eventually). You can look forward to it.

Comment: Ning-ge, your English got better? LYN: No, it’s the same. It’s just because I sing English songs less. My English is terrible, but for some songs I did my best to memorize the pronunciation, word by word. There’s no improvement per se, it’s always just been the same level.

Comment: How many fans did you gain today? LYN: I don’t know because I’m streaming on desktop and it doesn’t show me that window. If I had to guess I would say that this stream tonight is pretty popular, and I thank weibo for their part in this too. I’m sure you’re all also passing the information along. Like, if you’re watching from your college dorm room right now, there has to be at least two or three people who know that LYN is streaming right now. Right? Say you’re waiting to have a meal with your friends and in the meantime you’re playing my stream; that means that at least a table full of people are watching, right? If you’re on WeChat and shared you’re watching my stream then all your friends will know too, right? My streams all rely on you passing it along. Thank you for that. But a little advice- don’t force me on other people. Young people nowadays are rebellious- the more you want them to do something the less they want to do it. I am the same. If my fans recommend something and say it’s so good or so delicious, I won’t watch or eat that thing. I feel like a lot of people have experienced this before- but you don’t need to recommend me to anyone. Next time, don’t say anything, just sit on your bed and keep laughing. I don’t care if it’s funny or not- if I play my laugh track, laugh along. Pique their curiosity. They’re going to ask you what you’re watching you and you have to play it off. “Don’t worry about it. You DEFINITELY won’t like it.” You have to say it that way. We have to use reverse psychology. Comment: Ning-ge, you’re so weird. LYN: See? This person is using reverse psychology. If you compliment me I might not pay attention but if you criticize me, I’ll remember you for a lifetime. I’m not saying you should start criticizing me. That was just an example. They just said something that will make me think. “How am I weird? I’m not weird...” For example, “Liu Yuning is a big fool.” I would think, “Am I a fool? Yes. I am.” Ok, so don’t call me a fool- I’ll kick you out. Comment: Aren’t we friends? LYN: Are we ONLY friends? Don’t we have a relationship on a higher level than just friends? My Fam(ily)~ I already prepared so many prizes for you, ‘fam. Is it not enough??

Comment: Penny Tai is here. LYN: Really? It’s normal for Penny-laoshi to watch my stream. Because of the pandemic situation it’s hard for people to get around, to like say, a zoo. So it’s nice to get to watch a monkey in my stream isn’t it?

Comment: My roommate thinks I’m nuts. LYN: Why? What’s wrong with you? Did you cry watching my stream? You were touched? LYN: I have to tell you again- if you like something then you don’t have to care about what other people may think about you.

Comment: Ning-ge, do you remember when we celebrated your birthday on the street? LYN: I do, it was pretty unforgettable. You waited until I was done with filming and had a cake and balloons prepared for me. Just- it was a little cold. It all makes for great memories.

Comment: I’m falling asleep. LYN: You’re sleepy? Go sleep. LYN: So right now, we’ll give away- LYN: You can sleep! LYN: We’ll give away one of my vinyls. Let’s give away one of the first ones. (1/3) LYN: Oh- I just thought of something. You’re not going to stop being my fans because you can’t win a prize, right? I’ve experienced this before- they weren’t able to buy one of my (limited print) vinyls so they stopped being my fan. Don’t scare me. How about this- all the prizes we’ve already settled on, how about I don’t send them. Then it’s fair for everyone. Don’t leave me. LYN: I’m just kidding, ok? I’ll send them out.

Comment: You’re number 1 in talking back at your fans. LYN: I’m not. I thought I loved my fans the most? Previously- before the pandemic- after an event I would always go out to greet my fans because they’d been standing there all night. As long as it was safe and didn’t affect traffic I would get off the car and greet my fans to let them know I saw them. Other peoples’ fans saw this and thought I was pandering. Why? Because their idols never got off the car. People would comment on my greeting the fans and I thought to myself, “Am I in the wrong for doing so?” But later I didn’t care anymore. I’ll do what I want. Now, inexplicably, you say that I like talking back at you. :p LYN: I know you’re joking, and you should know I am too. I often say I’ll kick you out- but I have never actually kicked anyone out of my stream. Well, maybe some who have crossed the line; but I never kick anyone out out of spite.

- /bathroom break; using the excuse that his good friend is in labor but they need to borrow 200 RMB/ Comment: Ning-ge, my wife is also in labor. (bc they want 200 RMB) LYN: How is that my business? I’ve taken no part in your meeting, relations, and birthing. If your wife is in labor, go take good care of her, like a man. [..] LYN: I’m back, my friends. Comment: Was it a boy or a girl this time? LYN: ? I went to lend them money, not receive their child.

- /he’s trending again; 32. #LiuYuningLiveStreamSingsNewSong_FallInLove/ LYN: Thank you for not wasting your time away in my stream and going into the topic to post. I’m extremely grateful. It’s took so long for me to prep my new album, I really want people to listen to my new song, too. I thank everyone here, and kneel for you. Thank you for your support. LYN: If you can, go leave a comment in the topic. Blow it up so that it looks like you’re having a serious discussion about the song. I’ll go after my stream and see what you all have to say and learn. Comment: Are you begging? LYN: ... Are you three? What are you pretending to be cute for?? And I already said, I would kneel and bow to you. i can’t do the action at the moment, but my words have already put the image in your minds and that’s enough. What else do you want from me? - /pulling all the idioms and proverbs he knows from his vocabulary to thank people and also wish them a happy new year/ - /goes to look at and read some complimentary comments/ - /it’s up to #14 now./ LYN: You’ve really done it now. A lot of people will see this trending and come into my stream. At this moment it’s like when your family gets together for a new year’s meal and then your parents want you to show off your talents to your aunts and uncles. I think I should give these aunts and uncles- ah, give our new friends a showcase of my talent. Don’t you think I should? LYN: I need to pick a song for our aunts and uncles. The song choice is very important, since they’re just dropping by it needs to be something with an impact that makes them a fan. It’s all riding on this song. LYN: I’ll sing “你說愛情啊 (You Say Love)”, since I sang “Fall in Love” already, and this is related.

- /it’s up to 13 now./ LYN: I’m already very satisfied. But IF there’s a surprise that’s even better, so if we can make it into the top 10, there’s nothing that would make me happier. LYN: There’s a lot of people here who may not know, but tomorrow is my birthday. January 8th. For my birthday, I wish all of you to have a smooth year and get everything you want. This is my wish and I’m giving it to all of you. Comment: You wished I could have whatever I wanted. Next year I want Liu Yuning. LYN: Uhm. If you say that, then I’ll look into releasing a model toy/figure of myself. You can go buy it. You can make it pander to you however you want. I don’t care if you rub all the paint off (by constantly playing with it). I’ll make your wish come true, if you really want it. Comment: That must be an expensive process though? LYN: I don’t know, I’m not familiar with it. I was just saying- I don’t necessarily HAVE to do it. They wanted a Liu Yuning so I was just thinking of a way to fulfill that wish. Comment: Give away a figure to people who buy your album. LYN: I already said, my album is free. It’s possible that I’ll make another limited run of vinyls, but I don’t want to rely on selling my music to make money. I can earn money by acting and singing OSTs, but since I released my songs just the fact that people are listening to them is enough. If I wanted to make money I would make an unlimited amount of vinyls and sell those, but I’m only making them as a keepsake so there is a set amount. Comment: Ning-ge, I want a model of your hand. LYN: What are you gonna do with it? Uh. Just display it in your house?? That’s kinda scary. Let’s not.

- /another vinyl (2/3) giveaway; his phone battery is low :p/ Comment: I didn’t win anything. LNY: That’s normal. If you win then that’s considered lucky. Are you the type of person who goes out for a walk and is disappointed you didn’t find money on the ground? Don’t have that mentality. You came for entertainment not to win prizes, right?

Comment: Didn’t you say you streamed so much you threw up? (too much content) LYN: I will never. What I meant is I’ll stream so much that YOU can’t stand it and will throw up. My goal is to stream so much you’re disgusted at  the sight of me.

Comment: If you can pick up another drama, it’s ok if you don’t stream. LYN: This fan has a “profound sense of justice.” They want me to leave more productions behind. Of course. If you can and want to continue forward you have to leave something (proof of your hard work) behind. I don’t think of variety shows as products. Variety shows are activities- they make me relaxed; but they can’t be considered your representative work. That’s why I rarely take a variety show job, unless it’s a music-variety- because on those I CAN leave something behind. Dramas and songs are my works. I guess live-streams are too. Think about it- if you go through my weibo there are 46 streams you can watch on playback. If one of my dramas air this year and I get an influx of fans- they’ll start digging up all my old content. If before they looked down on me for my streams but now because of a drama become interested and watch one! How ruthless would that be? They have to catch up on 46 of them. Each one is an average of 3 hours long or more. They’ll need six days and six nights with no sleep just to finish them all! LYN: I’ll continue to work because that’s all I can do- and I can do this because I have your support and interest. In the past no one came to ask me to act for them- because they didn’t know me. But after two dramas have aired (and including my streams) it’s clear that interest in me has grown exponentially. You have to have works so people can recognize and give you acknowledgment and then they’ll give you opportunity. LYN: I’ve felt the change very clearly. I’m thankful to my aired dramas because I now have a lot of new fans thanks to them. I saw a post that showed how well-liked the roles/characters I’ve played are. I was happy and proud. But I know that I have all this because I met good people, good dramas, good directors, and good scripts. I am by no means a great actor or a skilled actor, but seeing these things (positive feedback) made me feel like my efforts are worth it. LYN: A lot of people learned about a whole new me through my roles in dramas. They could have been my antis before but because of my work- be it my drama or my stream- they changed perspective. That makes me happy. I don’t know how long I can continue on this road, so all along the way I like to find things that make me feel like I have value, like what I’ve done was worth it.

Comment: Ning-ge, I want to be with you until 60 years old, 70 years old. LYN: When I see these comments- I don’t trust them. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust myself. 60-70? /shakes head like “I don’t know”/ Let’s just live in the moment and think about tomorrow. I hope we’ll all be happy and healthy when we’re that old. I wish you all good health and I hope that in the year 2022 you can all have a good start and a smooth year. LYN: Eh? No- I have to have some deep moments like this. Otherwise people will just think I’m a comedy.

Comment: It’s not over yet? LYN: ! What’s it to you?! Does my stream affect you personally? I’m jamming up your internet? Stealing your wifi? LYN: I started at 8. A lot of people went out for a meal and if they went to the KTV after, even that would be over already. They came home and took a shower to find that I’m STILL streaming.

- /it’s past 12a. time for Happy Birthday!/ LYN: Thank you. I’m glad I’m spending it with you. My group (and lots of others) wanted to get me a cake and I said no, please don’t. Firstly, I don’t like celebrating and secondly sitting by myself eating cake in my stream would be weird. The best thing is your company. LYN: I let you know I would be streaming today, but I never specified a time because I didn’t know when I would be ready. But this morning I was thinking should I stream at 8 or 8:30? I knew you would be here waiting to spend the new year (stay up past 12a) to help me celebrate. If I started at 8 I would have to do 4+ hours! Can I do it? Should I start at 8:20? But I thought about it and just decided to start at 8. Thank you to everyone who is keeping me company tonight and who has gifted me with a topic in the trending list. - /thanks weibo and all the workers who are moderating his stream bc they have to work for as long as he streams/

Comment: Lao-da, I hope you can quickly become an A-Class actor! LYN: I’m.. not that amazing. I’ll just continue to work hard, is that ok? LYN: Does that mean in your heart I’m not an A-Class already? I might not be in the industry, but I hope I can be in your heart. Wait a minute- I was under the impression that all my fans thought I was the best! Comment: The best is S-class. LYN: Right, so you want me to become A-Class. You hope I go down a grade? I got it. LYN: It doesn’t matter, as long as I have work and I can one day fulfill my dream of owning a Ferrari, that’s enough. We’re all working hard towards our dreams.

LYN: I’m in a good mood. Should I bring my dog for you to see? So she can leech off my popularity. Do you want to see her? Let me open the door so she can come in. LYN: Come here, say something. LYN: Ah, ah! She’s pulling on my earphones, the dummy. Hold on. LYN: Show the Aunties and Uncles your talents. Oh, she’s not even facing the camera. Not a lick of sense in her, how can she survive in this industry?? LYN: Stand up. Put your hands on the table. LYN: We’re doomed. /moves her manually/

Comment: She’s sleepy? LYN: No, she’s been sleeping all day. She follows me to work when I have work and she rests when I have a day off. She works hard too. When I was filming ALZ, you all saw her. I’d take her with me in the mornings to the hair/makeup department- she likes to socialize with everyone. If there are ten people in the room she will go to greet each one and make her rounds. There are some makeup artists who really like her and will give her two sausages to eat. After she’s eaten them she ignores them. Another thing is that the drama crew will prepare meals for everyone, and they often have eggs. So she will go around bumming a meal off everyone. Two sausages and two egg yolks. After ALZ and ZC, the current drama’s hair/makeup room is the same as before! I took her to work with me and when she got into the room no one paid attention to her- because it’s a new crew. She’s probably thinking, “The place is the same, the room is the same, but no one’s paying attention to me!” There was no sausage for her so she turned tail, disappointed, and walked away. She was probably confused, since it had become a habit to greet and get sausages. Very disappointed. LYN: Show everyone your talent. Shake! /Dai Mi does not comply/ LYN: Don’t make me look bad. Shake! /tries it out all sorts of ways/ LYN: She’s afraid to lift her leg because she’s sitting on my lap. Ok. Fine. Your allotted time is over. You can go. LYN: This counts as a broadcast blunder. The special guest doesn’t cooperate with the performance.

LYN: Alright, thank you all for your company and support. Thank you for spending my birthday with me! :) I know a lot of you prepared things for my birthday, a lot of surprises, but I hope you can leave those in your heart. I saw the videos you made, too. I was going to play them during this stream but I couldn’t play them all and I couldn’t just pick a few. I’ll start playing them in my future streams. And there are people who drew for me! Don’t worry I’ll show those, too. It’ll get around to you eventually. Last time I asked you to draw me “cool” and there were people commenting, “What “cute” pictures don’t get a feature?” No- all’s good. Thank you for all your talent. I’ll start sharing this with everyone. LYN: I hope we can do this again next year! :) LYN: Alright, well I’m going to grab a bite to eat. Have a wonderful night. If you haven’t followed me yet please do so. Sometimes I’ll stream and maybe I’ll do an outdoors stream too, this year. You can follow me, it’s not shameful. Thank you for spending your time with me, have a wonderful night, and I’ll see you next time!

** He left a comment of his own post: I seem to have forgotten one of the vinyls...?

[jeannereames]

This is probably a very stupid question, but how did the Ancient Greeks measure time (in terms of years and months) ? What was their calendar like? What year would Alexander have viewed himself to be living in?

I love these sorts of daily-life details, so I may have got a little carried away…. Before I get into the weeds, however, I want to make everyone aware of a reference resource:

E. J. Bickerman, Chronology of the Ancient World. Thames & Hudson, 1968.

Yeah, it’s old now, but Bickerman spent most of his career on dating puzzles, and I don’t think there’s anything recent to match it. When I first was told about it years ago in my historiography class, I practically bounced off the walls. (My fellow grad students thought I’d lost my mind.)

I’m not sure of the best way to address this query—topically or geographically—but I’ll go with topically. I’ll also say upfront that I’m unfamiliar with Egypt, so they’re not much mentioned. Also, if you want more details on any particular system (Roman, Athenian, Babylonian, Jewish), there are plenty of online resources.

Long-count Calendar

How to number years across a span? Regnal years was most common in antiquity: year 1, year 2, year 3 of ___ king. Also, king lists detailed how long ___ ruled. The Ancient Near East (ANE) excelled at chronologies; we have some that go back to Sumer. That’s pre-Bronze Age. The span of some reigns can be deeply problematic (e.g., mythical), but we have the lists. Fun note, Neo-Assyrians named years by its major military campaign. Tells us a lot about them, no?

What about places without kings? Greece, Rome, Carthage?

The Greeks had several systems, internal and panhellenic. Internal systems often dated by the name of a prominent city magistrate. In Athens, that was the eponymous archon, in Sparta, the eponymous ephor, etc. The panhellenic system used Olympic years. In Dancing with the Lion, if you look at date plates before sections, that’s what I used. It’s a 4-year system, so, “In the year of the 97th Olympiad,” “In the first year of the 97th Olympiad,” “In the second year…,” and “In the third year…,” then we’re to “In the year of the 98th Olympiad…” In modern annotation it’s Ol. 97.1, Ol. 97.2, Ol. 97.3, Ol. 97.4. From (our year) 776 BCE down into the Roman Imperial era, the Olympics made useful anchor dating for the eastern Mediterranean (Magna Graecia).

Rome had its own system: two in fact. It counted years by both consuls, but also AUC = ab urba condita … “from the founding of the city.” Carthage used a similar system involving their two senior Judges for their senate.

When it came to “world histories,” authors such as Diodoros Siculus used several systems: Olympiad, Athenian archon, and Roman consuls. It gets a bit unwieldy, but is about as universal as we have for the Med until Christianity took over everything.

Yearly Calendars

Much of the ancient world used lunar (354 days), not solar (356 days) calendars. Yes, they knew a lunar year didn’t line up with the solar, and they used “intercalation” to fix it, avoiding summer festivals being celebrated in winter. Either a 13th month was needed every 3 years, or they added a few days to months here and there, making a “lunisolar” calendar. We have an intercalated day in our own calendar: Feb. 29th in Leap Year. To fix a calendar, however, an “anchor” is needed. This anchor is usually a solstice or equinox, which may (or may not) correspond to their New Year.

Our modern (Western) world places New Year’s in the dead of winter. But many pre-modern calendars put it in spring. Makes sense: life renews, it’s a new year. The Babylonian New Year was decided by the spring equinox—first new moon after—which pattern affected most of the ANE.

The Hebrew New Year (Rosh Hashana) is in autumn, but their first month (Nisan) is in spring. (They also have a New Year for Trees! Tú bish'vat. How cool is that?) Wanna know when your Jewish friends are having a holiday? Use Hebcal, the gold standard.

MANY ancient cultures have more than one calendar running at a time. So do we. Working in the uni, I have the “normal” year, but also the “academic” year to keep up with.

Despite the dominance of certain early systems like Babylon, counting the new year was specific to a region and people, and their religious traditions. No single Greek new year tradition existed. Both Delos and Athens used the first new moon after the summer equinox: early July. The Macedonian calendar seems to as well, so Alexander was born in the first month of the year. Other city states were different. I’ve forgotten most but do remember Sparta’s is in autumn because their new year almost falls on my birthday.

Remember, although we today talk about “ancient Greece” as if it were a country—it wasn’t. There was a landmass called Hellas, but each city-state was independent, and had its own laws, gov’t, coinage, and religious cult. Too often “Greek” winds up being conflated with “Athenian,” because we happen to have the most evidence from ancient Athens. But both Athens and Sparta were weirdos. Corinth, Thebes, Argos, Mytilene, Cos, Eretria, Miletus…all were a lot more typically Greek in their gov’t systems, etc. There were also 3 (or 4) different branches of Greek: Ionic-Attic, Doric, and Aeolic. When we talk about reading the “ancient Greek” language today, most people mean Attic Greek, or even Koine Greek (Hellenistic era common Greek).

That means every city-state had its own calendar, connected to its own festivals.

In fact, most city-states had several: sacred, civic, etc. Athens had a 12-month lunar calendar for festivals, but a 10-month civic calendar corresponding to the 10 tribes for Assembly business. Originally, they had only 4 tribes, not 10, so political changes meant calendar changes.

In each city-state, month names were derived from the major festival for that month. We have the complete month names for only a few: Athens is one and (fortunately for me) Macedon is another (specifically Ptolemaic, but it’s likely the same as the Argead). Below “Ancient Greek Month” REALLY means “Athenian month,” which annoys the hell out of those of us who don’t consider Athens the be-all and end-all of Greek history!

Because their months were lunar, they bisect our months, e.g., July/Aug = Athenian Hekatombian or Macedonian Loos [Alexander’s birthmonth], Jan/Feb = Athenian Gamelion or Macedonian Peritios [probably the month that gave Alexander’s favorite hound his name: Peritos]. Likewise, as the Athenian new year began in midsummer, dating ancient events also bisects. You’ll see 342/1 to designate the year from July of 342 BCE to June of 341.

As mentioned, most places used lunar months as the most basic time-keeping, but the moon isn’t the only way to make a “month.” Rome originally had 10 months of 30/31 days, adding 2 later, which is why our 12 months have Romanesque names.

Just remember: NO UNIVERSAL SYSTEM for months.

What About Weeks?

A seven-day week is borrowed from the Jews via Christianity. Both Jews and Egyptians had a dedicated day of rest. (For Egypt, the 10th day.) In most places, however, days off were festival related. Every month had festivals, which might last from half a day to several days in a row. You worked…took off for a festival…then you worked. No regular day of rest. (For the modern weekend? Thank unions and the Labor Movement!)

How did others subdivide a month? Athenian months were c. 30 days, divided into 10s: 1-10, 11-20, 10-1. Yup, the last is backwards. But dating also counted waxing and waning moons. So the new moon began a month, the 7th of the month would be the 7th waxing moon, the 24th the 6th waning moon. This is the Athenian system. Other city-states are less clear, but probably similar.

Romans had kalens (1st), nones (7th), and ides (15th). Nundinae (market days) means 9th, but were really the 8th day. The 7-day week is late Imperial and, again, owes to Christian take-over of Jewish weeks.

Most systems had “auspicious” and “inauspicious” days for religious activities, civic activities, and business activities. Don’t start anything on an inauspicious day! (These were manipulated, especially in Rome, but that’s a whole different discussion.) The closest modern equivalent I can think of is Mercury Retrograde. 😊 Although in modern Greece, signing a contract on a Tuesday morning is bad juju, or May 29th. Constantinople fell on a Tuesday morning May 29th, 1453. We might, in America, consider 9/11. Who wants to open a business on 9/11?

The Horai (The Hours)

When did the day begin? Again, the ANE and Med are different. In the ANE, day typically began at sunset. So yes, that’s why the Jewish shabbat starts at sunset on Friday and lasts till sunset on Saturday. (If you didn’t know, the Jewish “day of rest” isn’t Sunday, but Saturday.)

For Greece and Rome, et al., day began at dawn. Each day was then evenly divided between day and night, so there was no standard length of an hour. It depended on the time of year. Each half had twelve hours, subdivided into 4 groups of triads. Originally in Greece it seems there were only 9, not twelve, but they increased to match the lunar months. The division of 4 groups of triads also yielded the 4 seasons of 3 months each. Hora was initially a season, not an hour.

In any case, dawn was always the first hour, noon the 6th, sunset the 12th. Same deal for night (twilight, midnight, pre-dawn).

This is great for military and civic purposes, but most people tended to refer to daytime divisions more generally: dawn, midday, etc. And there was nothing like minutes or seconds. That’s totally modern. Closest, they might come would be to count “breaths.”

The gnomon (sundial) was the chief way to measure hours, as it matched longer or shorter days. But it’s kinda hard to use a sundial at night, or on a cloudy day, or inside. Night hours were approximate.

The water clock (klepsudra) was first popularized in Greece in courts and the Assembly (to time speeches), but spread to other use, for inside or on shady days. Yet water clocks are unwieldy to carry around.

The Romans did have portable sundials (below), but again…needs the SUN. Btw, I should add that sundials aren’t only a Greco-Roman thing. The Chinese had them too. By contrast, the sand-clock or hourglass is a medieval invention. Won’t find them in the ancient world.

[coll2mitts]

#77 Grease (1978)

Slick your hair back and grab your team jacket, we’re hand-jiving our way through Grease, a movie about bunch of hot, self-motivated ladies with their whole futures ahead of them settling for a bunch of schmucks.

Grease is a strange experience to relive as an adult, because it was (as I suspect with a lot of people) ever-present in my childhood, and I didn’t understand the great majority of references then.  This movie was intended as an 8th birthday present from my mother; I came home from school one day and the VHS was sitting on our kitchen countertop unwrapped.  I didn’t recognize it, so when I asked my mom what it was, she feigned confusion for about 10 seconds before she gave up and said, “I bought it for your birthday, I guess you get it early now.”  She promised me I’d like it when I popped it into the VHS player, and she wasn’t wrong.  I hadn’t watched this movie in over a decade and I still could recite the majority of the dialogue.

While this movie is a toned down significantly from the stage show, it is still fairly raunchy in parts.  What is kind of hilarious to me is Grease’s gradual shift in categorization over time as a “kids musical”.  In 5th grade, my sister played Sandy in her elementary school’s production of it.  I asked if she remembered any of the lines they changed to keep things “appropriate” (the Kidz Bopification, if you will) and she responded, “No, I just thought it was weird I had to go out and buy a sexy outfit.”  Conversely, my 5th grade play was about the history of America and I dressed up like Martha Washington.  I’ll never forget the 50 Nifty United States from 13 original colonies... SHOUT ‘em, SCOUT ‘em, TELL all about 'em, ONE BY ONE till we’ve given a day to every state in the U-S-A.  AL-A-bama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, CON-NE-TI-CUT...

Anyway, do I think it’s weird that a movie about a bunch of horny teenagers has become Baby’s First Adult Musical?  Sorta.  Not really.  I mean, the dudes act like children for the majority of this, so I’m not surprised, at least.  It had, for sure, turned me off from wanting to date high school dudes when I was in high school.  The high school girls, however... we’ll get there.

It’s the first day of school, and the oldest high school seniors I’ve ever seen are poised to take on their last year at Rydell High.  The “T” Birds and their very uncool matching jackets are reunited after a summer apart and their super-senior leader Kenickie, played by the late Jeff Conaway, regales the tale of lugging boxes to earn money for a sweet ride, which you could feasibly do back in the 1950s.  Danny, played by John Travolta, spent his summer getting action at the beach, which he eloquently describes as “flippin’”.  

Frenchy and her new neighbor Sandy rendezvous with the Pink Ladies, who have very cool matching jackets and the unabashed confidence to go with them.  Stockard Channing, who plays Rizzo, is turned off by Sandy’s pure, seemingly holier-than-thou persona, and is dismayed when Sandy starts to describe her sickly sweet summer romance.  Her interest is only piqued when Sandy mentions her hunky date was notorious playboy and Rizzo’s ex, Danny Zuko.  

Sidenote: When I was a child, I thought Sonny asked if her “jugs were bigger than her nets”.  I asked my mother what “nets” were, since I surmised that jugs meant breasts, and she didn’t know, which I thought was weird.  It wasn’t until THIS MOMENT that I realized he was asking if her jugs were bigger than Annette’s.  Who the fuck is Annette?  Like the Mickey Mouseketeer Annette?!  Rizzo sings about her later and I’m just like.. this revelation has lead to more questions than answers.

Rizzo hatches a plan to call Danny out on his shit and reunite Sandy with Danny at the school pep rally, as they know her boyfriend is an asshat.  He predictably reacts maturely; Not wanting to admit his previous story of getting fresh with some cute Australian girl down in the sand was somewhat hyperbolic, he plays it off like he doesn’t give a shit about her, reducing Sandy to tears.  Frenchy comforts Sandy like the supportive queen that she is and invites her to join the Pink Ladies at a sleepover.

Honestly, a Pink Ladies sleepover looks lit as fuck.  As a kid (and now, tbh) I was Jan, I wanted to be Marty, I wanted to fuck Rizzo, and I wanted Frenchy as my best friend.  I would totally be down to drink champagne, eat Twinkies and mutilate our body parts with needles.  Sandy is a bit of a late bloomer and reacts to these series of events by puking.  Rizzo decides to be a bit of a slag and make fun of Sandy for being an inexperienced virgin before shimming down a drainpipe to get laid by some jerk with a shitty car and a 6-year-old condom.

Sandy, whose night has done nothing to alleviate her heartbreak, sings a song about being in love with a coward.  Part of the deal Oliva Newton-John signed to be cast in this movie specified she have her own solo number, so “Hopelessly Devoted” was written and filmed after the rest of the movie had been completed.  This feel pretty obvious, since it gives off a very strong 1970s pop Best Original Song vibe.  When I was a kid, I used this song as a break to use the bathroom or grab a snack, but as an adult I find myself humming it every so often.

Speaking of contract-obligated solos, we’re treated to a Travolta-led “Greased Lightning”, which I always thought was weird, cause like, who is going to sing a song about their friend getting tit in their sweet car?  Jeff Conaway played Danny on Broadway, he deserved better...  Also, I’m CONVINCED this song got the Pop-Up Video treatment, but couldn’t find it online anywhere.  Otherwise, how the hell else would the fact that they thought John Travolta putting the saran wrap on his crotch was too racy live rent free in my head for like 20 years?

After encountering Sandy on a date with a jock, Danny decides he’s going to join a sports team to prove to her he can be a motivated team player.  Instead, he just physically assaults several members of his school, but it’s fine because he’s wearing a uniform when he does it.  This is enough to impress Sandy, as she accepts Danny’s invitation to the school dance.

The other gang members are going through their own drama, as Rizzo is sick of giving it up to Kenickie without receiving a modicum of respect.  

“A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card.  When you care enough to send the very best.”

Danny regresses and continues to act like a shithead to Sandy in front of her friends.

“I don’t like tea.” “You don’t have to drink tea!” “Well, I don’t like parents.”

Jan and Putzie begin an innocent and adorable romance, which proves it’s possible to start off a relationship with mutual respect, even if your friends make fun of you for it.

“I also think there’s more to you than just fat.” “...Thanks.”

I love this scene, there’s so many good lines.

Frenchy, who had dropped out of Rydell to pursue a career in cosmetology, is also in crisis as her stint in beauty school went very poorly.  After hours, she somehow hallucinates Frankie Avalon advising her to get her high school degree.

As a child, I was so proud of myself when I realized all these women played other roles in the movie, as if facial recognition was an important skill.

The day of the big dance finally arrives, as National Bandstand comes to Rydell High with roofie-wielding predator and television host Vince Fontaine.  Rizzo arrives with the leader of the rival gang, while Kenickie has his best girl, Cha Cha, as his date, because they are both very well-adjusted teenagers that know how to work through conflict by communicating and not using desperate attempts to make each other jealous.  Danny and Sandy are cutting up a rug until Sonny attempts to physically assault Sandy, and Danny just lets it happen because another one of his exes, Cha Cha, starts to dance with him while Sandy is rebuffing Sonny’s advances.  Cha Cha and Danny subsequently win the contest.  Honestly, this is so fucked up, I would have dropped Danny after this lapse of good judgement.

But no, Sandy still allows him to take her on a date to the drive-in, and it’s not until he elbows her in the boob and then tries to cop a feel in front of everybody that she finally blows him off.  Then he has the absolute gall to act emo about it because he’s afraid people will think he’s a loser.  Jesus Christ.

Kenickie is also hurting, as he discovers that Rizzo is pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him, regardless of what being an unwed mother will do to her reputation.  He decides to process these emotions by racing Greased Lighting for pink slips, as he likes to live his life a quarter mile at a time.  Unfortunately, Danny steals Kenickie’s thunder (road) yet again, as he’s forced to take his place in the race because of a car door-related closed head injury.  Sandy is impressed by Danny’s driving skillz and decides to sex herself up for an unreliable and emotionally manipulative teenager.  Danny has a similar inclination and decides to put on a nice sweater to win Sandy back, which is something, I guess.  They declare they’re the one each other needs, oh yes indeed.

The school year ends, and all the boys end up paired with the girls.  Rizzo finds out she’s not pregnant and reunites with Kenickie?!  Marty ends up with Sonny even though he’s a handsy creep.  Danny and Sandy are just an mess with incompatible expectations of each other.  But at least Jan and Putzie and Frenchy and Doodie are fairly inoffensive.  The end.

This movie is great, even all these years later.  The entire cast is fantastic, even those with smaller bit parts.  I was *living* for the school staff, Principal McGee and Coach Calhoun especially.  Grease also jump started my lifelong love for Stockard Channing.  She’s great in The West Wing, but her part as Sister Husband in Where the Heart Is may be my favorite performance of hers.  I’ve watched that movie so many times I can’t even call it a guilty pleasure, I love it so much.

Olivia Newton-John wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in this movie and requested a screen test so she could see if she was good at acting.  John Travolta was enamored with her and helped convince Olivia she was perfect for the part, and he wasn’t wrong.  She gives such a strong performance as Sandy; I bought her transformation from clean-cut cinnamon roll to sexpot completely.  John Travolta was also unbelievably charming as Danny, and I found myself giggling at his line deliveries constantly.

The songs are also unbelievably catchy (albeit somewhat annoying after you’ve heard them 700 times).  Barry Gibb, my favorite Pras-adjacent composer, wrote the theme for the movie and it just bops so hard.  As a well-documented detractor of Doo Wop music, there’s not a whole lot else here for me, but that’s not going to blind me to the excellence of this soundtrack.  There is a reason this movie is revered as much as it is.  10/10, fun for the whole family, as long as the kids don’t understand the references.

[luulyme]

Dramione fic faves

Dramione

A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy  reviews

Draco loves his son more than anything in the world. So, when his ex-wife plans to take his son away, Draco asks the most unlikely person for help. Hermione must decide whether changing her entire life is worth helping the man she hates unconditionally.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 136,998 - Reviews: 4129 - Favs: 10,834 - Follows: 2,560 - Updated: Sep 3, 2008 - Published: Nov 6, 2007 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

A Night Unfettered (One-Shot) reviews

A silly dare sends Hermione alone into the Shrieking Shack, and Draco thinks it the perfect time to play a prank on her. How was he to know that an unforeseen hindrance & a little Muggle-liquor could make the night go so wrong?

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,197 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 401 - Follows: 106 - Published: Jun 27, 2014 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] - Complete

A Marriage Most Convenient  reviews

Hermione lost it all when she divorced. Draco would lose it all by age 30 if he didn't marry. Marriage to each other would be perfect, one would even say it was most convenient. Her daughter even looked like him, although, he wondered why that was.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 54 - Words: 183,905 - Reviews: 4502 - Favs: 4,789 - Follows: 1,788 - Updated: May 24, 2010 - Published: Oct 21, 2009 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

A Second Look   reviews

By: RiverWriter

Her best friend's life was a mess and she would have done anything to make things better for him and his sons. So, when she found her former enemy in a similar situation her heart went out to him as well... and the beautiful blond baby in his arms didn't hurt his case. It was certainly enough for her to give him a second look.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 30 - Words: 129,960 - Reviews: 2881 - Favs: 3,053 - Follows: 3,898 - Updated: Oct 12, 2019 - Published: May 26, 2018 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P. - Complete

Accidental Proposal  reviews

Hermione finds out that she is really a Nott, and there are so many rules to being a Pureblood, too bad Draco Malfoy seems to have forgotten one of the most important rules of all! Hermione/Draco. Theo and Hermione are siblings. Ignores epilogue and off canon in some other places as well. Set in 8th year. Language, Fluff, and Lemons. Complete.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 36 - Words: 108,673 - Reviews: 1788 - Favs: 2,984 - Follows: 2,373 - Updated: Aug 26, 2017 - Published: May 24, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Ginny W., Theodore N. - Complete

After the Battle   reviews

By: WaitTilMyFatherHearsAboutThis

The Battle of Hogwarts is over. Not ten minutes ago, Harry Potter defeated Tom Riddle once and for all. As the initial cheering and celebrating dies down, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger look at each other from opposite ends of the Great Hall and visibly sag with relief. He's alive.. She survived..

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 50,068 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 1,341 - Follows: 368 - Updated: Sep 3, 2016 - Published: Sep 2, 2016 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete

And We All Fall Down  reviews

By: Rumaan

The spring term at Hogwarts starts with a bang with the return of Draco Malfoy, back for his eighth year after a stint in Azkaban. But all is not right with Draco and Head Girl Hermione Granger can't help but get involved. EWE

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 127,964 - Reviews: 1963 - Favs: 3,881 - Follows: 1,451 - Updated: Oct 26, 2012 - Published: Dec 26, 2011 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Apple Pies and Other Amends  reviews

Sometimes you're sad. Sometimes you need dessert. And sometimes, it's a little of both. Runner-Up of the Winter 2017 Dramione Fanfiction Awards, "Best Epic-Sized Fic." [COMPLETE, Dramione]

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 80,182 - Reviews: 736 - Favs: 1,880 - Follows: 613 - Updated: Nov 9, 2016 - Published: Sep 28, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P., Ron W. - Complete

Aurelian  reviews

Two years after the war, a young stranger pays a visit to the burrow. His arrival alone is baffling, but the news he brings of an upcoming war turns the world upside down. Hermione's quiet, post-war life will never be the same.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 43 - Words: 270,577 - Reviews: 3632 - Favs: 6,870 - Follows: 1,956 - Updated: May 15, 2011 - Published: Dec 25, 2010 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P., OC - Complete

Beautiful Things Can Come From The Dark   reviews

He finds her, broken and bleeding, and it will change everything. A rape aftermath story told from Draco Malfoy's POV. DHr

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 135,873 - Reviews: 1010 - Favs: 2,995 - Follows: 1,065 - Updated: Nov 28, 2009 - Published: Jun 7, 2006 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Blood Traitor   reviews

Zalia

Draco Malfoy has been living a lie to protect the girl he loves. He has inherited the Veela gene and on his next birthday he will become the first male Veela for three hundred years. Canon (except the epilogue). Multiple other characters, detailed storyline and no patience for people looking for a smut-fest in every chapter. Apparently, my sense of humour can be rather entertaining

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 92 - Words: 186,031 - Reviews: 3134 - Favs: 3,614 - Follows: 3,991 - Updated: Feb 23, 2018 - Published: Mar 1, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] [Harry P., Ginny W.] - Complete

Bond  reviews

By: MrBenzedrine

What happens at "Bond" stays at "Bond" -Hermione is taken out for drinks at club "Bond", an establishment that can offer you anything from some alcohol and dancing to SO much more. When she, quite literally, falls into Draco Malfoy's lap, will she open up her mind and explore sexual desires she never knew she had? Kink. COMPLETE **FIRST PLACE: BEST SMUT 2017 Dramione Awards**

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 51,654 - Reviews: 408 - Favs: 2,975 - Follows: 1,030 - Updated: May 24, 2017 - Published: Aug 3, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Pansy P., Blaise Z. - Complete

Christmas Eve Wine reviews

By: Columbrina

Relationships shatter at Christmas, but they also begin. ONE-SHOT.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,260 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 57 - Published: Dec 23, 2018 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Chronos Historia  reviews

By: In Dreams

Hermione and Draco stumble upon a mysterious portal and find themselves hurtled back through time a thousand years. Forced to team up to find a way home, they quickly realize that much of the history they believed to be fact, wasn't true after all. A founders era, time travel Dramione. Winner of Most Creative Plot in the Granger Enchanted Awards 2018.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 103,497 - Reviews: 1496 - Favs: 2,060 - Follows: 1,252 - Updated: Apr 8, 2018 - Published: Nov 5, 2017 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] Helena R., Bloody Baron - Complete

Conveniently Forgotten  reviews

By: RiverWriter

Draco wakes up in the hospital wing after taking a bludger to the head at quidditch practice and realizes that this just might be the perfect opportunity to finally steal the attention of his fellow Head Student, Hermione Granger. **My entry for the DramioneLove Mini Fest 2018** Prompt: "Who are you?"

Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,570 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 360 - Follows: 95 - Published: Jun 11, 2018 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] - Complete

Count Your Blessings reviews

By: CJRed

Hermione is nursing a broken heart and planning a Christmas alone. But, when Draco Malfoy decides to crash her solo plans to avoid an arranged engagement, everything changes. One Witch, one Wizard, one Muggle cabin with an old record player, and two jaded souls. Can Christmas work its magic on these two? Long One Shot, written for Wordsmith and Beta's Holiday Aesthetic Fest.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 15,007 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 1,062 - Follows: 204 - Published: Nov 26, 2017 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete

Eros & Psyche  reviews

By: RZZMG

Draco challenges Harry and friends to play EROS & PSYCHE, a scandalous card game with a dark, mysterious history. It's Slyth vs. Gryff, male vs. female, pride vs. desire in the ultimate game of hearts and amour! Pairings: Draco/Hermione,Blaise/Ginny,Ron/Pansy,Seamus/Lavender,Theo/Daphne,Harry/Tracey. AU 7th yr. Secrets, romance, angst, and sex await the turning of the first card...

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 66 - Words: 427,054 - Reviews: 7050 - Favs: 8,008 - Follows: 9,947 - Updated: Jul 25, 2018 - Published: Aug 2, 2010 - Hermione G., Draco M.

Every Day, a Little Death  reviews

(Didn’t like the fact that Hermione cheated on Draco- even more OOC thats I like)

By: lovesbitca8

It has become common knowledge that Hermione Granger cannot have an orgasm. Many have tried, none have succeeded. Can Draco Malfoy offer his assistance? / 8th Year AU - Complete

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 69,214 - Reviews: 738 - Favs: 1,222 - Follows: 1,014 - Updated: Jan 25, 2019 - Published: Jul 4, 2018 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete

Everything Changes  reviews

By: inadaze22

“Thank you for cheating on me, Ron. It’s the best thing you could’ve done. Thank you for stopping me from making the worst mistake of my life.” My first Dramione story. Rated M for strong language and sexual content.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 76,191 - Reviews: 1100 - Favs: 5,110 - Follows: 1,043 - Updated: Jan 3, 2008 - Published: Dec 11, 2007 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Fairy Stone  reviews

By: Colubrina

Draco is sentenced to one year in Azkaban, release contingent upon someone willing to vouch for his good behavior. Hermione does. "Oh, I want you," he said. "You, just you, always you. You forever and you for always and you until the bloody sun explodes." Dramione. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,827 - Reviews: 718 - Favs: 2,800 - Follows: 733 - Updated: May 1, 2015 - Published: Apr 25, 2015 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete

Genesis  reviews

By: Nautical Paramour

A series of drabbles to act as a sequel to Oblivion, based on the teased relationship from the epilogue. Exploring Hermione and Draco's relationship, where Voldemort is long dead, Lucius is in Azkaban, and they grow up as friends. Set in the Oblivion Universe. COMPLETE!

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 34,289 - Reviews: 694 - Favs: 269 - Follows: 333 - Updated: Feb 10 - Published: Sep 19, 2018 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Narcissa M., Regulus B. - Complete

Heavy Lies the Crown  reviews

By: luckei1

For seven years, Draco has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and just when he thinks he'll be released, something happens that will make him seek help from the last person he could have imagined.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 289,967 - Reviews: 3186 - Favs: 5,679 - Follows: 2,091 - Updated: Feb 11, 2011 - Published: Jan 16, 2009 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

How to Win Friends and Influence People  reviews

By: olivieblake

Real heroes never quit. Real villains never die. Dramione with ensemble cast, post-war, espionage AU. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 42 - Words: 403,894 - Reviews: 3511 - Favs: 1,816 - Follows: 1,706 - Updated: Jun 4, 2018 - Published: Jun 15, 2017 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] [Harry P., Theodore N.] - Complete

Hunted  reviews

By: Bex-chan

Forced to work together when their old schoolmates start dying, Hermione & Draco must overcome their differences to solve the mysterious deaths. The tension in the office is getting rather...heated. Mature themes. 4years PostHogwarts/War. EWE. DMHG.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 36 - Words: 191,497 - Reviews: 2845 - Favs: 7,226 - Follows: 1,876 - Updated: Aug 28, 2010 - Published: Mar 29, 2010 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

I Spy  reviews

By: gnrkrystle

Hermione is hand picked by Dumbledore to be the Order liaison for Draco when he decides to be a Spy for the Order in their 6th year. Read to find out more.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 128,676 - Reviews: 1060 - Favs: 2,769 - Follows: 795 - Updated: Nov 6, 2012 - Published: Feb 7, 2011 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Isolation  reviews

By: Bex-chan

He can't leave the room. Her room. And it's all the Order's fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something's going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. "There," she spat. "Now your Blood's filthy too!" DM/HG. PostHBP.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 48 - Words: 278,881 - Reviews: 16000 - Favs: 26,380 - Follows: 15,171 - Updated: Apr 5, 2014 - Published: Sep 2, 2010 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

It's All Uncharted  reviews

By: Bex-chan

"Are you ready?" she asked. Draco brushed the back of his hand against her forehead before tracing it down her cheek. "I was ready the moment you came back into my life, Granger. Are you ready?" "With you," she whispered, "I'm ready for anything."

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 38 - Words: 232,163 - Reviews: 1917 - Favs: 6,116 - Follows: 1,951 - Updated: Jan 22, 2012 - Published: Sep 19, 2011 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete

Jealousy  reviews

By: rains rabble

"If I've harmed her?" He seethed, snaking into Harry's space, his voice dropping to a menacing hiss. "She comes to me crying and you have the nerve to question how I've treated her?"

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 60,392 - Reviews: 1954 - Favs: 4,388 - Follows: 4,002 - Updated: Feb 20, 2018 - Published: May 17, 2005 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Law of Love  reviews

By: GraceAbbene

Hermione is living a semi-normal life as a healer after the war. Well as normal as her life could be, until one day she finds out she's not really a Granger. She has a lot to adjust to & then the Minister passes a marriage law! Will she find love in something she was forced into? EDITED AND EPILOGUE

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 80,304 - Reviews: 818 - Favs: 1,333 - Follows: 768 - Updated: Nov 17, 2014 - Published: Apr 25, 2009 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] [Harry P., Ginny W.] - Complete

Lily Potter's Biggest Secret  reviews

By: StrongHermione

Following a moment of passion, Lily Potter finds herself in a difficult position. She does her best to hide it. What happens when seventeen years later, her biggest secret comes to light? A story chronicling the formation of a family. Rated M for swearing and suggestive themes. AU, EWE?, Post War, Mild OOC, Spoilers. Pairings: HG/DM HP/GW SS/OC - COMPLETE

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 47 - Words: 454,346 - Reviews: 1373 - Favs: 2,385 - Follows: 1,112 - Updated: Jun 10, 2013 - Published: Jan 25, 2012 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Severus S. - Complete

Love and Forgiveness  reviews

By: HarryPGinnyW4eva

After the war and university, Hermione Granger lives in New York City beginning a new life. Draco Malfoy fled his life of misery, fear, and cowardice with Blaise Zabini. Can time and distance lead to forgiveness, and perhaps, love? Post DH Spoilers

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 39 - Words: 177,189 - Reviews: 951 - Favs: 1,144 - Follows: 357 - Updated: Apr 13, 2008 - Published: Jan 3, 2008 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Love and Other Misfortunes  reviews

By: SenLinYu

Following the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione Granger has devoted her career to the rights of magical beings and works reluctantly with the sardonic ministry lobbyist, Draco Malfoy. But there is ancient magic at work in the aftermath of the War and its consequence will be severe if Hermione fails to look up from her legislation and notice it. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 99,603 - Reviews: 738 - Favs: 1,410 - Follows: 909 - Updated: Apr 30, 2018 - Published: Feb 11, 2018 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Love Me Twice reviews

By: Bex-chan

'"They tore her apart and then wiped me out of her mind to send me a message. To mess up my life. To break..." he trailed off. Blaise nodded his head with understanding. "To break your heart," he finished for him.' Dramione. One-shot.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,792 - Reviews: 634 - Favs: 4,041 - Follows: 629 - Published: Jan 4, 2012 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Manacled  reviews

By: SenLinYu

Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Hermione Granger has an Order secret locked away in her mind. She is sent as an enslaved surrogate to the High Reeve, to be bred and monitored until it can be accessed. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Mystery - Chapters: 77 - Words: 384,000 - Reviews: 4892 - Favs: 2,056 - Follows: 2,191 - Updated: Aug 18, 2019 - Published: Apr 27, 2018 - Hermione G., Draco M., Voldemort, Astoria G. - Complete

Mine  reviews

By: HufflepuffMommy

Hermione Granger is a single mother. The last thing she needed was to get involved with anyone, especially Draco Malfoy. Love however, has other plans. Rated M for mature themes later on. (Hermione/Draco) (Harry/Ginny)

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 53,004 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 1,035 - Follows: 449 - Updated: Nov 20, 2015 - Published: Nov 5, 2015 - Harry P., Hermione G., Draco M., Ginny W. - Complete

Mugglefied  reviews

By: DragonGrin - former TeenTypist

"For crimes committed against the wizarding and Muggle world while underage, I hereby sentence you to one year without magic." Draco stood stiffly, his knees locked to help keep him upright. So many spectators. Potter and Granger were there, Weasel-less. His knees finally buckled and he crumpled to the floor in a faint. Chapter 66. COMPLETE. EWE. Dramione.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 66 - Words: 250,257 - Reviews: 1637 - Favs: 1,300 - Follows: 1,835 - Updated: Feb 7 - Published: Feb 27, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P., George W. - Complete

The Nietzsche Classes  reviews

By: Beringae

The Ministry takes action against the remaining prejudice in the wizarding society and asks Hermione for help. “What do you want? Money? Power? Name your price, Granger. I’m not about to let pride get in my way when an Azkaban sentence is on the line.”

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 45,807 - Reviews: 2241 - Favs: 6,059 - Follows: 1,136 - Updated: Apr 8, 2006 - Published: Oct 2, 2005 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Observations of a Pure Blood Debutant reviews

By: rainsrabble

Narcissa watching Draco watch Hermione. She draws some very startling conclusions. One Shot. Complete.

Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,294 - Reviews: 856 - Favs: 4,023 - Follows: 604 - Published: Jun 26, 2005 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Presque Toujours Pur  reviews

By: ShayaLonnie

Bellatrix's torture of Hermione uncovers a long-kept secret. The young witch learns her true origins in a story that shows the beginning and end of the Wizarding wars as Hermione learns about her biological father and the blood magic he dabbled in that will control her future.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 174,032 - Reviews: 6769 - Favs: 12,291 - Follows: 5,265 - Updated: Oct 27, 2016 - Published: Mar 31, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Sirius B., Regulus B. - Complete

Protective Custody  reviews

By: Colubrina

After the war the Ministry decided that all children and most wives of Death Eaters needed to be placed in 'protective custody' with 'trustworthy citizens' but no one wanted Draco Malfoy. AU. Dramione. COMPLETE

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,334 - Reviews: 490 - Favs: 1,770 - Follows: 347 - Updated: Jan 23, 2015 - Published: Jan 1, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] - Complete

Rebuilding  reviews

By: Colubrina

Hermione Granger returns to Hogwarts to help rebuild the shattered castle the summer after the war. She and the other summer resident - and eventually their friends - have to come to terms with how the war broke more than just the walls of the building. Follows multiple Hogwarts students through '8th year' and one additional year of early adulthood. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 300 - Words: 263,336 - Reviews: 37443 - Favs: 6,146 - Follows: 4,115 - Updated: May 11, 2016 - Published: Aug 10, 2015 - Hermione G., Draco M., Pansy P., Theodore N. - Complete

Rewriting Destiny  reviews

By: mayawrites95

They thought after Voldemort's fall that the world would get better. But they were wrong. The Death Eaters are still ruling, using politics instead of hexes. With the dwindling Wizarding population and no one left to fight, they must go back in time to before Voldemort rose to power to fix what broke in the past. Nominated for Best James and Best Peter in the 2018 Marauder Medals!

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 76 - Words: 327,788 - Reviews: 1284 - Favs: 949 - Follows: 1,084 - Updated: Feb 24 - Published: Jan 1, 2018 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Lily Evans P., Marauders - Complete

Sacrifice   reviews

By: Kyra4

Dramione. PostHogwarts. Hermione sacrifices her virginity for a good cause. Complete.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,505 - Reviews: 394 - Favs: 1,836 - Follows: 370 - Updated: Aug 17, 2006 - Published: Jul 22, 2006 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Sex Ed   reviews

By: MrBenzedrine

Hermione Granger comes to Hogwarts to teach a much needed Biology curriculum to the students. Draco Malfoy, the Potions teacher, doesn't approve of the sex ed. A bet ensues. Who will come out victorious? Rated M for lemons. COMPLETE. ****FIRST PLACE: BEST FLUFF/HUMOR 2017 Dramione Awards***

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 142,690 - Reviews: 1479 - Favs: 2,867 - Follows: 1,236 - Updated: Jun 1, 2017 - Published: Jul 4, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Ron W., Neville L. - Complete

Simply Irresistible   reviews

By: bookworm1993

Draco gave a cocky grin. "I am going to give you a makeover." "I'm sorry what?" "You heard me Granger, I'm going to give you a makeover that will make every man want you,and make Weasley die of regret. You will be simply irresistible."

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 77,494 - Reviews: 6069 - Favs: 14,305 - Follows: 5,000 - Updated: Oct 21, 2012 - Published: Nov 8, 2009 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Static   reviews

By: galfoy

The Order rescued Draco and Lucius Malfoy after Lord Voldemort turned on them. All the safe houses are full, and Hermione Granger is the only one who can take them in. Will she agree after having suffered a drastic nervous breakdown?

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 75,632 - Reviews: 1535 - Favs: 4,716 - Follows: 1,194 - Updated: Sep 23, 2011 - Published: Sep 6, 2011 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Switch   reviews

By: RZZMG

Hermione wanted a night with an anonymous, skilled & sensual partner to teach her to be a sub in bed, but when Draco Malfoy pursues her after, can a girl avoid the sinful temptations of the flesh available at a fetish nightclub? PostHogwarts-EWE. Story won multiple categories at the 2011 Summer & 2012 Spring Rounds of the HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards-see profile for details. COMPLETE!

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 43,826 - Reviews: 1102 - Favs: 2,343 - Follows: 808 - Updated: Jun 9, 2011 - Published: May 7, 2011 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Tainted by the Past   reviews

By: CelticPagan-3

The Golden Trio have saved the Wizarding World & lived to tell the tale. What will they do with a future they never thought they'd get? The boys escape their last childhood restraints, Hermione finishes her education & tries find a way to escape the future her parents have planned. She develops an unlikely friendship with Draco Malfoy who returns to Hogwarts to escape his own past.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 222,280 - Reviews: 534 - Favs: 1,314 - Follows: 611 - Updated: May 31, 2013 - Published: Aug 3, 2012 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

The Brightest Black   reviews

By: Enigmaticrose4

On that fateful Halloween night Bellatrix Lestrange decided to sate her bloodlust on an innocent muggleborn family. Life is never again the same for the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 72 - Words: 278,018 - Reviews: 4468 - Favs: 3,955 - Follows: 3,237 - Updated: Jul 15, 2017 - Published: Mar 17, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P., Narcissa M. - Complete

The Deadline   reviews

By: Lena Phoria

It takes the unexpected engagement of their children to get Draco and Hermione in a room together, but only the selfish acts of their estranged spouses and a 300 Galleon bottle of firewhiskey will get them in a bedroom. What starts out as a one time mistake soon becomes a full-blown affair with a deadline; the day their children say 'I do'. But things rarely go according to plan.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 39 - Words: 329,548 - Reviews: 3479 - Favs: 4,464 - Follows: 2,339 - Updated: Oct 3, 2014 - Published: Nov 8, 2013 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] [Rose W., Scorpius M.] - Complete

The Eagle's Nest   reviews

By: HeartOfAspen

COMPLETE: Hermione's eighth year at Hogwarts is already going to be difficult in the aftermath of the war, but it is further thrown into upheaval when Headmistress McGonagall orders a re-sorting of all students to promote inter-house unity. But when the Sorting Hat sends Hermione to Ravenclaw with Draco - and without Harry or Ron, how will she cope? [AU/Dramione] Prevalent alchemy.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 70 - Words: 306,322 - Reviews: 5315 - Favs: 4,380 - Follows: 4,470 - Updated: Jan 2 - Published: Apr 12, 2016 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Theodore N. - Complete

The Green Girl   reviews

By: Columbria

Hermione is sorted into Slytherin; how will things play out differently when the brains of the Golden Trio has different friends? AU. Darkish Dramione. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 150,467 - Reviews: 5417 - Favs: 10,784 - Follows: 3,723 - Updated: Apr 26, 2015 - Published: Feb 6, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P., Daphne G. - Complete

The Longest Distance Between Two Places  reviews

By: RZZMG

Time is immutable... but filled with magical possibilities. Hermione Granger discovers this truth after an accident in the Dept. of Mysteries leads to a series of bizarre, random encounters with a handsome young man donning Slytherin colours. -"I never believed in fate until I met you."- Time-travel/star-cross love fic. Drama/Romance/Angst. 2013 Hermione-Smut Fest entry.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 48,244 - Reviews: 551 - Favs: 1,134 - Follows: 555 - Updated: Feb 8, 2015 - Published: May 3, 2014 - Hermione G., Rabastan L. - Complete

The Muddy Princess   reviews

By: Columbrina

Just another Pureblood!Hermione story. A hidden adoption revealed, a brother found, a new world to figure out: "What are you hoping for?" he asked as they stood ready to do the spell. "I don't know," Hermione admitted. "You?" His knuckles were white on his wand. "A sister," he said, his voice very low, "I'm hoping for a sister." Winner 2015 Energize WIP Awards. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 62,710 - Reviews: 3794 - Favs: 6,999 - Follows: 3,523 - Updated: Aug 18, 2015 - Published: Mar 30, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Theodore N. - Complete

The Pretense   reviews

By: Columbrina

Voldemort died, but the Death Eaters live on. Hermione Granger traded herself to Draco Malfoy in exchange for safe passage for core Order members. Now he's pretending to love her, Narcissa is pretending to believe that, and Hermione is walking a tightrope behind enemy lines as she figures out what is going on. Unfortunately, people fall off tightropes. (no non-con)

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 50 - Words: 108,164 - Reviews: 6410 - Favs: 2,224 - Follows: 2,682 - Updated: Nov 7, 2018 - Published: Jul 25, 2017 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete

The Right Thing To Do  reviews

(There’s one from Draco’s perspective that I didn’t read because this one already had too much angst for my taste)

By: lovesbitca8

Hermione felt the pounding in her ears again. She would see him for the first time since the Great Hall, gaunt and stricken at the Slytherin table with his mother clutching his arm. She hadn't meant to look for him. Not in the corridors, not beneath the white sheets of the fallen, not on the way to the Chamber of Secrets with Ron, but she was a stupid girl.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 181,287 - Reviews: 2948 - Favs: 4,004 - Follows: 2,142 - Updated: Apr 12, 2018 - Published: Jul 8, 2017 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete

The Wrong Strain   reviews

By: Colubrina

Everyone knew what veela were. Veela were magical creatures, breathtakingly beautiful, who captivated men with a single look. It would have been nice to have been that strain. Instead, Hermione Granger was infected by another. Instead of captivating all men, she was captivated by one. She'd die without him. She was already in almost constant pain. DRAMIONE. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 48 - Words: 85,610 - Reviews: 12211 - Favs: 4,761 - Follows: 3,284 - Updated: May 15, 2017 - Published: Jan 4, 2017 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete

Unity   reviews

By: PalmettoBlue

Follows our favorites in the 8th year & Marriage law. "Don't you get it, Granger? We will belong to each other." EWE. Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the HP universe. (AU/OOC/EWE)

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 87,392 - Reviews: 831 - Favs: 2,319 - Follows: 1,243 - Updated: Aug 22, 2015 - Published: Mar 5, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] - Complete

Unmasked reviews

By: RZZMG

Divorcee-single dad Draco Malfoy goes to the Yule Charity Masquerade and sees the woman of his dreams, but will Hermione Granger still want him when he's finally unmasked? One-shot. Post-Hogwarts EWE. Dramione/Draco x Hermione. Romance/Drama/Hot Shag. Story won 2nd Place-"BEST DRACO" at the 2010 Winter Round of the HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards-see profile for details. COMPLETE!

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 19,341 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 1,750 - Follows: 245 - Published: Dec 22, 2010 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

Vibrations  reviews

By: Craft Rose

After three years of a mundane, sexless existence and far too much wine, our favourite brunette happens upon the magic equivalent of a sex line. There, an intriguing, deliciously devilish caller manages to pique her interest. It's all fun and anonymous, u

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 23,452 - Reviews: 497 - Favs: 1,910 - Follows: 651 - Updated: Nov 14, 2014 - Published: Mar 10, 2014 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete

We Learned the Sea   reviews

By: luckei1

Draco Malfoy turns himself in after a very successful career as a Death Eater, then enlists Harry and Hermione to help him in a scheme to bring down the Dark Lord. DHr. A story of forgiveness.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 201,007 - Reviews: 4712 - Favs: 8,112 - Follows: 2,079 - Updated: Sep 7, 2007 - Published: Sep 7, 2006 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

What the Room Requires   reviews

By: Alydia Rackham

Hermione is the one who finds Draco weeping in the bathroom. He flees. She chases him into the Room of Requirement, and the room forces them to face their greatest fears together in order to find the door.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 111,821 - Reviews: 4410 - Favs: 6,845 - Follows: 1,937 - Updated: Feb 10, 2011 - Published: Dec 5, 2010 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete

Without Her Letter   reviews

By: Colubrina

A decision is made to protect Muggle-borns from the continual war by not inviting them to Hogwarts. This was, perhaps, not a wise choice. Hermione Granger was certainly not amused. Dramione. AU. COMPLETE.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,881 - Reviews: 682 - Favs: 1,868 - Follows: 764 - Updated: Jan 3, 2016 - Published: Dec 28, 2015 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] [Narcissa M., Lucius M.] - Complete

You Ought to Know   reviews

By: LittleEagle22

Ronald Weasley didn't know it then, but the day that he broke her heart, he drove her straight into the arms of the last person he ever thought he'd see her with.

Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 38,216 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 1,396 - Follows: 508 - Updated: Feb 19, 2013 - Published: Jun 20, 2012 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete

[crispsevans]

2018 in review.

Here’s my year in review. It’s been a tough one. I know, you shouldn’t blame a system that mankind came up with to keep track on time for all of this, but it just happened to happen in 2018.

January: My year started off in Rotterdam, The Netherlands, where my former roommate and I went to for New Year’s last year. When we came back home a lot of not so nice surprises waited for me which led to a mental breakdown in...

February: Probably one of the worst months of my 2018. I spent hours and days of locking myself up and cry and feeling empty, just like I did all those years ago. I knew it was time for a change and since we had to move out of our flat anyway, I took a step back and instead of looking for a new place for myself, I made the decision to go back home to get healthy again. I looked for an open therapy spot and arranged everything to go back home to my dad’s house.

March: Saying goodbye to Cologne wasn’t very easy for me at all. Packing all my stuff, I realized I’d be leaving with way more stuff than what I have moved in with. I packed up 17 huge boxes and tons of bags and suitcases filled with my life and it took us three days to get everything back into my old hometown and into my old bedroom. Thanks to my boss at this point, because he was such a big help, really!

April: Back in my hometown, I felt relieved. So much pain was just gone in a snap and I felt so much better now that the weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt a lot more free than I have in the 7 months before and my anxiety slowed and stripped down, which was a nice change. But I kept being dumb and made some stupid mistakes which led to bad things in the following months.

May: Being a wedding photographer, I only took on very few weddings this year which meant financially I was basically ruined. I haven’t thought about this too much, but I thought I should take care of myself and my health first, since I overworked myself in 2017. Well, not my best idea, let me tell you. I should’ve worked a way out to stabilized both, my health and my finances. Instead, I didn’t and a huge mess was waiting for me by the end of the year. But for now, in May I had my very first wedding of the season and it was a very good and beautiful one. I won new friends and clients through this and in general that day was one of the happiest of my 2018. Shoutout to Patrick for sticking with me that day.

June: Shot my second wedding of the year in June and it was so interesting and also made friends again through it. Amazing, really. And then I went to London, the only place in the world that makes me feel home and secure and happy. I went there with two friends to actually see Ed Sheeran in Wembley. Hell, what a day that was. We stood like 6th row and it was phenomenal. Probably a day I’ll never forget - EVER. Also we were staying in this really nice AirBnb and the hosts name was also Kate which was very funny. On my last day in London, I had a few hours for myself and walked through the city as I always do. My feet brought me to the V&A, my happy place in my happy place. It’s a place where I can think and get my mind off all the bad things that surround me. I was getting inspired by paintings and pieces of fashion - I’ve seen it all a billion times but it keeps inspiring me every time. I was very sad when I picked up my suitcase and made my way to Heathrow to catch my flight. 

July: Probably the month I have the least memories off, because barely anything happened. I just tried to survive with the growing feeling of emptiness and numbness. I probably annoyed all of my friends with my moodswings, I mean I even annoyed myself with it. Shot my third and originally my last wedding of the season and it was meh, but thanks Tascha for making it a great day anyway and we found this really good Italian restaurant near where I live - we need to go there again. Never thought Spaghetti Aglio e Olio can taste THIS GOOD.

August: Favourite month of the year and also my birthday month. August is not necessarily my favourite month because it is my birthday month, but it marks summer for me and I’m a summer person. To me, it has the most beautiful days of the year and I can’t get enough of it. I like the number 8 as well... so yeah.  My August started with a visit to Vienna, where I saw a whole bunch of my friends who did their best to make me feel better (looking at ya @promisedmistake and @uneven-odds ), even though I had a moment, where I kinda fell apart, but I guess that happens. I cherish those days very much, because they were also a big part of the best days of my year. Spending the days by the pool, getting a sunburn, turning like really brown afterwards... having a birthday party for my friend we were all staying with... be reckless for some time, having tons of laughs with those great people, eating good food and some great pizza, drinking delicious drinks, watching “Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again” and just simply having a good time. When I headed back my anxiety hit me really hard again, because I actually left a letter to my father before i left saying many things about myself that are very true to the core but that I have never managed to tell him. He tried to talk to me about it, but then again anxiety hit me so hard that I ran away and we haven’t talked about it ever since.  My birthday came up on August 14th and it was a pretty boring day. Didn’t really celebrate it at all, also was reminded on my real friends who really thought of me that day and how they treated me and wished me a happy birthday. It’s not necessarily the fact they remember your birthday, but to me it’s also the way someone wishes you a happy birthday that shows you how important you are to them.  I also met one of my wedding couples from 2015 (or 2016???) again, because they were expecting a baby! AHHHH! We had always planned to see each other again but we never made it due to our busy schedules and then it finally worked. It was a beautiful summer evening and to be honest, I took many of my favourite images during that photoshoot. The rest of August was pretty calm, started to work in a the pub again more often and well...

September: A game changer month for me in many ways. It was so stressful but so inspiring and a good month for me with a few bad days in between, but that’s just the way life should be, right? I started September with working and then I actually flew to GREECE (yes GREEEEEECE!!!!!) to shoot my last wedding of the season. Okay, I was second shooting it but seriously - best wedding of my entire career. Not only because it was beautifully planned and decorated, but this wedding felt like a freaking friends wedding where I just happened to be. It didn’t feel like work for just one second. Everyone was so kind and so nice and caring, the food was incredible and the photographer girl I went with is probably one of my closer friends now, because we learned so much about each other in those 3 days, insane. What an experience. I also flew business class for the first time and I’m a bit sad that I’m so broke, because that experience was just AWESOME. Luckily, I didn’t have to pay for any of that. I got paid instead. What a dream. When I came back from Greece, everything felt like a dream, because I still couldn’t believe it. I went back working in the pub and then the event I had been waiting for the whole year took place - photokina. Seeing all my amazing colleagues in one place was a very good thing for me and something I needed so bad. Listening to very inspiring talks (Christian Anderl, WHAT A GUY) and seeing my one and only Nadia again was so refreshing and healthy for me, I don’t think these people know how good this was for me and how much I needed it. I spent three days straight on this fair and looked at new gear, tested out new lenses and listened to many inspiring people, as well as shopped some new stuff for my business. I also met some people again that I literally haven’t seen IN YEARS and that was also one of the best days I’ve spent this year. Seeing Lynn and Jan was really something that lit up my mood by a 1000.  What else happened in September? I captured a christening by the end of the month, I went to see my favourite football club (YES FOOTBALL, NOT AMERICAN FOOTBALL OK) in the stadium and something happened I never thought would happen - my love for this one stupid person finally started to freaking FADE. 

October: I don’t like October very much until the 8th, because the 7th is a very ... memorable day for me, where I always feel very bad. Coincidentally the two men I have shared the biggest love for in my life actually were born on this freaking day. Like there were only two.. AND BOTH OF THEM WERE BORN ON OCTOBER 7th ... two years apart from each other but seriously, PLEASE. So that day didn’t turn out to be very well, I spent it in bed and I tried to sleep through it as much as possible. October 9th marks a very life changing day for me, as on Oct 9th in 2006 my little brother was born. I was 12 years old back then and spent the day in an amusement park. I got the news when I came back home in the evening. This year, he turned 12 himself and it’s ridiculous how fast time flies, because I feel nothing like 24, I still feel the same like when I was 14 and yet I can see time run when I look at my brother. He eventually grew taller than me this year and his voice lowered down by an octave already. Like how is this happening.  Other than that, October was a pretty boring month but it opened up the more or less catastrophe in my life that I created myself in April this year. Great. 

November: Even though November isn’t far away time wise, I barely remember what happened in that month, because I actually just lived from day to day, trying to survive. It was a bad month, a really bad one. The only light in that month was probably that I went to see the Mamma Mia Musical.

December: Wow, I don’t even know where this month went. It was shorter than ever before. For the first time in years I actually made biscuits again, like german christmas biscuits. I tried to bring up the christmas mood, but well. Didn’t really work out that much. I ordered a new phone, because my old one is actually dying. And I started to go to the cinema more often again. A real plus side. My anxiety level is probably around 90 of 100 and I am scared of what 2019 holds up for me - like literally. But my number one favourite memory of December and probably also of 2019 is seeing my best friend again after two years. We rarely talk, but she is still my best friend, because I know she’s there when I need her - always.

So in general, I had some pretty good memories this year. I went to see a lot of movies in the cinema, I made some new friends, I went to Greece for a wedding, I lost my love for photography at some point and gained it back at another one, I had a ton of bad days this year, so many that I just stopped to count them and it all felt like a huge blurry mess. 

Thank you 2018 for teaching me and showing me the life I don’t want to have, but I am not strong enough yet to change. 

Just keep swimming.

[chefsargie-blog]

Blog is back!

Its been around 5 weeks since my last blog I missed a few weeks because of Xmas and New Year and a couple after that as I was trying to take time off. 

So back to December 27th.... after taking 2 and half days off for Xmas I had to get back to work as it was dinner parties galore! This started on December 28th with a lunch and dinner at Widemouth followed by a dinner in Frome on the 29th, then back to Widemouth again for a dinner on the 30th. It is always very weird and sometimes hard getting back into work after some time off over the Xmas period. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year but has always been one of my busiest when employed as well as self employed. So can be a struggle when “normal” people with “normal” jobs are off. But weirdly when I was a lot younger (yes I know years back when tv was in black and white) when my mates wanted to have jobs that everyone else wanted I felt different and that I should do something and not follow the pack and chefing fitted what I wanted. You do need to be a little different in mentality to be a chef trust me I should know I have to live with myself and some of the chefs I have worked with well you are surprised they are allowed out at all! But thats probably what other chefs thought about me!  

So New Years eve approached and this was in Frome again but for different guests not the same as the 29th. This was for a famous model in the weirdest house I have ever seen (it wasn't there own it was a rental). The art was so weird and had a large velvet leopard print table cloth on the main dining room table! But something that did take me back was as we arrived and it was getting dark I thought I had parked near a gas tank and it wasn't until I got out the van that I realised that it was a helicopter ! AS you do! The evening went very well obviously I can't say to much about guests and the property owners but when I found out who owned the property and what had happened there in the previous years that had made the newspapers the weirdness all made sense!

January 1st I had off but back to work on the 2nd then on the 3rd up to Glastonbury for a great 10yr anniversary. The 4th was near Frome again for a great birthday celebration and the 6th was a big birthday bash in Somerset for 20 guests. But weirdly on the 8th and 9th of Jan I was at exactly the same property again! I had never cooked there before until the 6th. This was for a corporate event Lunch and dinner on the Tuesday and breakfast lunch and dinner on the Wednesday. I have done a lot of corporate events over the years and they were a great bunch but they worked dam hard and played hard ! It is always fascinating to spend a lot of time with a group no matter the size you get to know people really well and meet some really interesting characters. I had travelled over a 1000 miles in this period and the A303 was becoming an absolute bore to drive!

Then from the 10th until the 23rd I was off well when I say I was off I had to do emails 3 times well maybe a couple more times. But it was the first time I have taken holiday and stayed at home for over 12 years so it did take some adjusting. Then on the Saturday just gone I cooked for a lovely family of regulars in Truro!

Normal service resumes this week with targets set for the year and after 3 weeks into the year were already smashing them so always believe and never ever stop pushing if you have a dream. As I said to a group of guests over Xmas “Thank you very much I have had a couple of amazing days an absolute blast, can you believe I get paid to do this job”. 

[sammys-stupid-stories]

8th Jan '23

It's January and I am once again grappling with the conflicting wants of having my birthday be completely forgotten about and wanting people to care enough to plan a party or outing or day to hang out and drag me along.

Is it that I don't want to be a burden or is it that I know it will never happen so I don't mention my b-day or get my hopes up only for them to get crushed?

EDIT:

Wow, that’s exactly what I get for trying to get something from my Bday. I was forgotten about by everyone and Hoops even admitted to not caring or remembering it. When brought up he said sorry and did nothing to fix it until I made a big deal out of it.

I thought I could make my own day okay. I invited some work friends out for ice cream the day before. Something so SIMPLE and small and not only did one reject it (I mean, understandable it was last minute and he has kids to take care of) but one accidentally stood me up.

I had some stupid fantasy that if I didn’t say it was for my birthday, if I tried to hang out with people so far outside my normal life that maybe, just maybe, I could have an okay moment for my birthday.

It’s hard to convince myself that it’s okay to exist and that I’m loved and cared for when this shit happens whenever I try to reach out and make human connections.

[bynkii]

Y’all are weak

(this was originally published on Medium on 31 Jan. 17)

Lemme tell you about a hardcore refugee situation, at least for the United States...

As I’ve talked about before in various places, I grew up in Miami. My family moved there when I was three years old. Had my 3rd birthday on the train from Chicago. I joined the Air Force in 1986, and started basic on Halloween of 1986. (Never start basic on Halloween. TRUST ME.)

So I lived in Miami between 1970 and 1986, with a few years in the very early 90s (Fuck You Andrew.)

Which means I was living in Miami in 1980, which was kind of a banner year in many ways. Arthur McDuffie and the Liberty City riots. Y’all don’t even start to try to call the folks not being “nice” to the cops in Fergeson a riot. If that’s what you call a riot, you’re young, or lucky. It was also the year that a union, of all things, led by Lech Walesa started the strikes that would eventually overturn the communist government of Poland.

(Yeah. A union did that. You millenial techies just learning how to organize? Go talk to the unions. They know how to do that shit.)

And starting on April 15th, a little thing called the Mariel Boatlift happened. Between 15 April and 31 October 1980, just under one hundred twenty five thousand people fled Cuba for Miami. According to the 1980 census, Miami had a population of 346,681 in Miami proper, and 1,625,781 in Miami-Dade county overall.

Ponder that for a second. In the space of four months, depending on how you count, a number of refugees between 7% and 35% of the total Miami (Dade) population just showed up. Here, the breakdown from Wikipedia:

None of them were vetted. Shit, Castro was emptying out his jails. You think Trump’s imaginary Syrian terrorists are bad? Do. Not. Make. Me. Laugh. Here, more numbers. Murder Rates in Miami in the 1980s:

1980: 573

1981: 621

1985: 434

Sorry for missing some years, overall numbers are a pain in the ass to find. But I want you to look at something, specifically 1981. 621 murders. in 2016, Chicago, a city with as of 2010, had a population of just under ten million people had something like 762 murders, and people are freaking the fuck out. Miami, just over a tenth the size of Chicago at the time had almost that many murders.

As best I can tell, everyone in my graduating class had seen at least one dead body. Quite a few of us had witnessed the transition. Shit was weird. In the mid 1980s, this happened:

“Consider this real-life scene: A twenty-two-year-old Miami cop encounters a man strolling at dawn in a quiet neighborhood. The man is naked and carrying the severed head of a young woman. He throws the head at the cop — twice. “I killed her. She’s the devil!” the man shouts. What does that young cop say to the people who ask how his day went?”

Excerpt From: Edna Buchanan. “The Corpse Had a Familiar Face.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-corpse-had-a-familiar-face/id381566184?mt=11

Her name was Drew. I never knew her last name. We worked together, along with her roommate, at the newsstand in the Coral Gables Bus Terminal. She was funny, sarcastic, put up with no one’s shit, and tried to help me not be such a dweeb. If I am being honest, I had a crush on her, but I was far too scared to let her know. I think she knew anyway.

One fine day, her boyfriend came back from California with something terribly wrong inside, and she was dead. Didn’t even make the front page. It was pre-cell phone, pre-social media. I didn’t even know it had happened, until I saw her roommate a while later, and we were catching up and I said, “So how’s Drew doing?”

Awwwwkward.

It took me a while to convince her that I honestly hadn’t heard, I didn’t know and oh god, I am so sorry for saying that, even out of ignorance. But think about this for a minute:

A cop and an insane person played “hot potato” with Drew’s goddamned head, and it wasn’t even front page news.

That kind of shit is what happens when someone dumps the contents of their jails on you. Not all prisoners in Cuba were political. Some were just scary. To this day, I can’t watch “Scarface”. Too much of it isn’t exaggeration.

I remember because in the fall of 1980, I started 9th grade, and no one was ready for the change in the school demographics. But it happened. The crime rate skyrocketed, shit was so weird that those of us who grew up in Miami in that time can only really relate to people from NYC in the 1970s and LA in the 1990s.

And, we got through it. We figured it out. We arrested the bad folks, and the good folks were awesome. (There was some interesting things going on between the “Marielitos” and the folks who’d come over in the 1960s. A lot of it was not good.) Along the way, whatever culture I was “from”, a lot of it was Cuban. I didn’t live in some honkie enclave, behind gates, only venturing out in tremulous groups.

Shit, my family didn’t even have a car, I rode the bus, or I walked. And, I wasn’t really messed with. I saw fucked up shit, and I saw amazing stuff. I went to parties on Star Island that I only vaguely remember. I was introduced to a plethora of drugs and mostly ignored it all. I totally flunked out of college, but I don’t feel too bad about it. Ultimately, it was one of the best things that happened to me.

I became a person from a single city that had combined two countries, which is why I think the regular freakouts over spanish is so stupid. Mostly because shit, I don’t even know how to order Cuban food in English. What the fuck even is that? It’s Picadillo y maduros y Materva, not ground beef and spices over rice and fried rotting plantains and Yerba Mate soda. Christ, can you imagine ordering Ropa Vieja in English? “Yes, I’d like some old clothes over rice please.”

Sigh.

The point is, we actually had shit going down for a decade after Mariel. We had a murder rate that was literally multiple times the murder rate of the rest of the country in terms of per capita. We beat NYC a few times. (…yay?…)

What we didn’t do was hide in the fucking closet and cry. We didn’t ban Cuban immigrants. We didn’t tremble before the terrifying might of a fucking five-year-old child.

Jesus, the people who are simultaneously bad motherfuckers and terrified of a five-year-old child are all older than me. You can’t blame the millenials for this, this is all baby boomer shit. Probably some GenX in there, some of us are fucking stupid.

Good thing none of them were on 8th street in the 80s, they’d still be shitting their pants.

Stop freaking the fuck out. If one small southern city and county could survive Miami’s version of the 1980s, an entire fucking country will do just fine in the face of the destructive might of a five-year-old child.

Stop being so fucking weak. This is America goddamnit. If you want to be weak and scared, buy a goddamned island and move there. We’ll call it Wussivania and you can wall it the fuck off from everything. But stop being weak. Ain’t no one got time for that.

[jerseygirl5000]

tagged by @mostrecentfantasy thank u for the tag 💕💓

1. what is the favourite item of clothing you own? 

hmm....mayhaps my prom dress?? It’s red with a slit in the middle and the chest area is all glittery.....it’s just....an absolute Look

2. tell me about the first time you watched your favourite movie? 

ive always been an early riser so when i was 4 i’d turn on the tv & watch whatever was on & spirited away & edward scissorhands would come on a lot

3. what was the last book you finished? 

white teeth!! Im a SLUT for generational fiction (im not even sure thats the proper term for it but! summer’s here bitch so legally i dont have to kno anything)

4. what is the next book you want to read?

hm well tee bee ach i almost exclusively read fiction so methinks i should read Justice for Palestine also bc my sister has been asking for it back for like half a year now

5. when is your birthday, and what do you want for it this year? (if your birthday has already happened this year, did you get what you had your heart set on?) 

jan 8th!!!!! Mark that down in your calendars!!!!! And idk i didnt rly have anything particular in mind but i got a lot of cool gifts so im habby

6. if you were given one month and $10,000, where would you travel to? 

i cant choose btwn greece or morocco

7. cake or pie? 

needer........most pastries succ in m’humble

onion

8. name 3 things you think you’re really good at. 

writing, acting, & uhhhhhhhhh i just asked my sister for the third thing and she said either one of the following “making people laugh”/“boiling eggs”

9. name 3 things you’d like to be better at. 

SPORTS!!!!!! im so uncoordinated and unfit dbdjsjs uhhh Hard Sciences maybe?? and not comparing myself to others

10. name 3 far-fetched dreams you’d like to do someday. 

1. to be in some kind of tv or moobie production ....i just want to PERFORM, baby!

2. uhhhh sell books??? but the more far fetched dream here would be to actually write one so! scratch that!

3. swim w/ sharks!!!!! i dont kno how far fetched that is bc ppl DO swim w sharks but im a bad swimmer plus what if i get scared despite how much i love sharks and would, without question, die for them

11. if you had to dye your hair, what colour would you dye it? 

probably pitch black so i can be the Goth ive always dreamed of

ok so uhhhh i tag @multiplehood @lavanymph @whomstve @ensyme and uhhh tbh anyone else who wants an excuse to talk about themselves bc whomth doesnt love that?!!!

[smireyac]

fuck this year man u dont even get cute emojis in the title this time

so lemme just start by saying fuck 2020 

now that we’re on the same page, lets get into it

so i dont have to explain all the reasons why this year sucked bc u just need to google 2020 and there will be a million reasons why it was TOTAL FUCKING GARBAGE...... usually when so many people collectively say a year sucked ass, i can be like “oh it wasnt *all* bad for me, personally” haha not this year!!! 

its super fucking depressing to look at how hopeful and positive i was about 2020 a year ago..... ofc there was no way for me to have known it would all go to shit but i still really appreciate the tone i had set... reading over the previous reflections and seeing how harsh and negative i was @ myself made the softness of last years post super refreshing.... 

now i said i dont *have* to explain all the ways 2020 was shitty, but i am gonna explain the biggest reason this year was shitty for me, personally..... it might seem really small in comparison to the ways 2020 was shitty as a whole on like a global scale? but really the biggest reason 2020 sucked ass was i didnt get to really hang out with any of my friends in real life for 9 out of the 12 months of the year.... and really it was like the first week of march that shit hit the fan so like really it was only 2 months that we got to see each other....... if u rmbr p much every previous retrospective post ive made, there was a big emphasis on friends..... ive come to realize that im actually a very *extra*verted person??? despite my overall shyness and homebody attitude, i would always choose to hang out with people over being alone so stay-at-home orders FUCKING SUCKED??? when we all thought it would be over in a couple weeks, maybe a month it was fine?? hey its a good time to draw or catch up on that reading and/or writing i said i was gonna do maybe even start learning to drive?? it’ll be no big deal THEN it wasn’t over in a month and it wasnt gonna BE over anytime soon and no one important was doing anything about it and its an election year and black lives have always mattered and yet everything is so uncertain and

[inhale]

[exhale]

this year was..... a lot...... too much in fact

in 2018, i had said that i watched vox’s video on the year in 5 mins and cried... if i watched this year in five minutes, i dont think i would be able to breathe...... 

SO instead of making myself CRY..... lets try to think about any GOOD things that happened and think about what we can do to make 2021 good for ourselves:

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED:

-i *didn’t* lose my job!! sad that so many others cannot say the same but im trying to make myself feel *better* not WORSE so i got to keep my job and i actually work more hours than before so!!

-i actually *did* learn to drive this year!!!! and im pretty good at it??? for someone that just started this year anyway?? i probably *would* have my DRIVER’S LICENSE right now if it weren’t for a surge in cases in a certain STATE that i happen to live in......... but w/e its fine i get more time to practice and im ~~**DEFINITELY**~~ going pass my test and get my license ~whenever it is that i can reschedule my dmv appt~

lmfao its so funny that last year, i was absolutely *dreading* learning to drive but i so fucking get why everyone was like ‘you need to learn how to drive’ i legit love it so much???? ive always been a car person but that was like purely for the aesthetic but now that i can drive im just....... WOOOW this really is what freedom feels like.... like ik that public transportation is amazing and i will always champion it but nothing beats being purely in control of your destination.... i also wanted to buy myself a car for my birthday even tho i couldnt really drive yet but then sien had to fix smthg on her car and it was EXPENSIVE AF and my mom was like “u dont need to buy a car yet” so i put the brakes [haha] on that... but soon... once i get my license,,, then i will have u my love................. so with that being “my most serious goal of 2020″ im glad i did it

-i was one of lucky ones and got unemployment when i couldn’t work so i have a lot of money saved in the bank??? pls no one steal my identity i wanna use that money to buy myself a car and/or for when we move out 🤞🤞 we’ll just have to wait and seeeeee....................

-i had mentioned playing dnd last year too and thats been going STRONG as hell thank goodness....... we couldnt keep playing in person but when we moved it to online, not only did we actually get to hang out a lot more, we made more friends??? introduced new people to the group?? its so good and in fact probably the only thing that kept me even a little bit sane this year...... 

-this is more of an honorable mention than an accomplishment but im this 🤏close to catching up with critical role and thats partially thanks to the pandemic lmao sooooo ??? 

aaaaaaand thats p much it lol i didnt really accomplish any of my other goals bc reasons................. but!!! as cliche as it sounds, with a light at the end of the tunnel, im confident that i can turn that all around this year.... so if 2016 was the year of change, 2017 was the year of getting used to shit, 2018 was the year of getting *too* used to shit and 2019 ended up being the year of friends, 2020 was the year of absolute shit and it doesn’t fucking count....... i learned a lot this year, biggest lesson of all is that life is short and if i were to have died at any point last year, what the fuck would i have to show for it??? so usually i end up giving a theme or name to a year after its done but this time im determined to make 2021 into what i want it to be SO i am declaring this year, the year of our lord 2021, the year of new experiences!!!! what the fuck does that mean you ask? well ill tell you!!! im gonna try new things this year!! make a very pointed effort to do things outside my comfort zone?? and for my goals this year, im going back to my old way of making a huge list of stuff u wanna do and seeing how much i can actuallly accomplish!! now i said theres a light but we really dont know when all this shit will end and life will go “bAcK tO nOrMaL” so whos to say ill get to accomplish any of it? at the same time, there are plenty of stuff on the list that i can do within the pandemic set parameters so!! lets see this list!!

2021 GOALS:

[check boxes bc there is no plain box emoji lmao]

☑��� read new books!! i’ll keep last years goal bc i didnt meet it and i have good reads now which tells me i just need to read 1.5 books a month to reach that goal!! huzzah!

☑️ watch new shows and new movies b4 u end up watching shit you’ve already seen a million times... i bought an old planner for 2020 instead of 2021 by accident but i hope it will help keep track of the movies/shows along with the books too!

☑️ listen to new music!! this years spotify wrapped was garbo it only had like 3 albums and a bunch of other shit i always listen to so i gotta fix that lmfao

☑️ write new stories!! i am comforted by the shit ive been writing for the past like 7 years but if my screenplay class taught me anything its that there are a lot of stories to tell and i got so many ideas floating around in this noggin!! instead of an arbitrary word count, why dont i say write idk 3 new stories, start to finish, in whatever medium idc screenplay, short story, comic, twine WHATEVER!! do it!

☑️ eat new food!! lmao this one seems the most silly to me but ive never had indian food, ive never had [not really anyway] korean food, i want to find new restaurants and eat new food!!! yum!

☑️ go on a road trip!!

☑️ visit some place ive never been before!!

☑️ go on a hike??

☑️ go to mexico again

☑️ ride a scary rollercoaster you previously wouldnt have

☑️ go to a club

☑️ get silly drunk fr 

☑️ FUCK IT go on dates!! self date friend dates sister date cousin dates R- Romantic... dates ??? FUCK IT!!! YEAH!! DATE ALL UP IN THIS BITCH!!

☑️ learn to use blender

☑️ animate something 

☑️ make a big painting

☑️ cosplay ???? AHH

☑️ learn to roller skate lmao u bought the skates and were so excited for them!! 

☑️ go somewhere SUPER DARK and go see some real stars!!!! 

☑️ and to top it all off, throw the airbnb house party that we’ve been talking about for MONTHS lmao 

hmmmm,, i think thats a good enough list for now ?? another thing i wanted to accomplish.... that im scared to speak into existence bc then i cant back out of doing it...........and it doesnt align with the whole “new” spirit of 2021 but.......... i want to like start making apartments for rent????? like i want to have something of it to show by, if not the 8th anniversary then by the end of the year HHUFF THERE I SAID IT......... no turning back now.......... 

alright its almost midnight on.... whats this? its already jan. 1st??? lmao yeah fuck it i didnt keep up with anything i normally did this year who cares i made up the rules i can break them too lol  

so yeah 

we’ll see what this year brings us,,,,

hoo boy

[kosmicdream]

Temp. FFAK Official Timeline

This is a very rough, temp timeline for FFAK. It mostly covers events that have already happened or at least have been mentioned. I dont really cover anything that is happening in the present day timeline lol. I might make edits to this in case i fucked up in places or maybe ill just do a totally new one at some point! you dont even know how messy my actual one is like my god its an ever worse horrible clusterfuck of text. (Also remember, the ffak story has no time travel so dont be worried about that sort of mindfuckery!) enjoy

Years before 1414: Whenever was 600 million years ago i dont want to do the exact math: Evil Mother is born but shes not called that at all cuz she adopts that name later in life but just know she is here and readt to party Lots of stuff happens. like idk. evolution and life. 600 mil years is a long time ok -LALALA -HUMANS AT SOME POINT COME TO BEING.and form civilization and.. all that -modern human society exist! ppl have tvs and such. -Mandragora Worms have gone ‘extinct’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ooooo -??????????? a ton of other stuff. isnt history cool?? kicks legs, yells -mysterious worm break outs all over dmtia. bombs fall. wars. despair!  -Grant Lumberman gets a doggy at some point and loves it but then it dies and so does his family and friends and his whole city he is relocated to the Auseklis moon colony (on Dmtia’s moon!) along w/ other Vena Cavian kiddos !!!! (in yr 1414)

YEAR 1415 [Scene From Ch. 11: Pages 3161-3196, 3400-3401] Characters: Randall Aiguille - Age 20 Mr. Rotten (Which was named “Aeschylus” at the time, created by Randall) Crosshatch Unit (sort of) Rembrandt Aiguille - Age 22 Grant Lumberman (Aka, ‘Good Leadman’) - Age 14 Octavian “Otto" Silverberg - Age 15 (I was gonna type up every referenced scene like this then i was like fuck it thats too hard! lol)

Years 1416-1425 ?????????????? (most events likely will be mostly covered in a prequel series.) YEAR 1420: Crosshatch Unit first programmed/built by Randall/Rembrandt Aiguille leadman and evil mother fall in lurv at some point

YEAR 1426 Miracle Baby Crimson is Born (From Good Leadman/Evil Mother worm fuck action yeehaw)

YEAR 1427 -Crimson’s 2 eyes are removed + Evil Mother Believes they are dead and leaves Leadman to work with Tricend -Canary is Born (From Evil Mother, and a King Worm) -Hekatons are made (From The King worm that made Canary, concept of Hekatons is from Evil Mother) -July 8th: Perkons Hatches and will not let anyone near the other 4 eggs!! stay away

YEAR 1428 - Good Leadman (Age 27) and Perkons (6 months old) Meet (Happens in Jan) (Multiple scenes in ch10, continued in Ch11) Perkons turns 1 in July. -Perkons gets a hold of 1 of Crimson’s eyes at some point, turns it into a Knife.

YEAR 1429 - Perkons turns 2 in july and is a fully matured adult. Rest of the 4 hekatons eggs hatch sometime after in that year. -Dievas assumes protective guardian role for his siblings.  -Dievas meets Aeschylus. (ch11) YEAR 1430 Perkons turns 3. The rest of the first hekatons are one. During this year they mature to an adult. YEAR 1431 Lauma meets Velns, who is imprisoned. Then shortly after, Perkons confronts Lauma, she is 2, he is 4. So It took place after July 1431. He transforms the 2nd crimson eye into a Spoon in front of her.

Years 1431-1448 (specific dates not all disclosed sry): -Velns/Lauma, Dievas/Laima begin making children. baby baby baby! YEAR 1438 - Crimson (Age 11) is eaten by a Hydragora Queen worm - loosing her human body in the process but gaining a worm one instead. -Crimson runs around in a destroyed city, holding a corpse. Meets Velns who taunts them. -Lauma and Dievas make up, and have their first nest together- a Batch of A/B hybrid eggs. -Lauma is killed by Perkons -Velns is killed by Perkons (Which was also on Dmtia’s Moon, so the moon is destroyed.) -Laima is “killed” by Perkons. (Actually survived, as part of Dievas�� plan.) -Perkons confronts Dievas with the Crosshatch Unit and mention they fight for Peace and under the “Thumb” alliance. Perkons kills Dievas. (scene in ch11) -Laima escapes with A/B Eggs, as well as other hekaton eggs. (and will later form the Ghost Kingdom, which she rules as queen.) ????? many other things happen????? these were some busy years folks

YEAR 1449 -Crimson meets a Helper, Galore the Hekaton, and a Bunny worm (who will later grow up to be agent Paper) in the forests of DMTIA (Ch9) -Galore “meets" her first parents, Lauma and Velns, in some mysterious coma dream thing from listening to crims sexy magical heartbeat (also Ch9) ??????????more events happen??????????? -Galore “Dies” by exploding. Crimson witnesses it. -Bunny wormed named Cirrus “Dies” and is buried in a grave. However, she was only injured she later climbs out only to witness Crimson and Celadon leave in Crimson’s truck and it was the saddest thing ive had to draw ok. i am crying even remembering it ??????????more secret events this was yet another busy and traumatizing year for crimson????????????? -Months later, Crimson (age 23) has a conversation with her third mandragora heart, and ends up having a period sex masterbate-y fantasy that made many readers scream in terror when they read it.(Ch11)

Years 1450-1904 god so much stuff happens during this time, lays on the ground. i mean just fucking look at how much time that is. thats over 450 years lol nbd right

YEAR 1905 -Agent Knife is sent on a remote mission (back to Planet Dmtia) to hunt down one of thumbs most wanted criminals, a man named “SIMON MCGOLD” -After months of searching/failed attempts at locating him, Knife confronts and is stung by Simon’s close personal bodyguard, a queen worm named Nail who is famous for killing over 50,000 Hekatons. (Gaining him the nickname “Hekaton Hunter.” (CH12) -?????????? more stuff happens like you dont even know????????

Years 1906-1924 ??????????? lots of stuff??????? lets laugh at some spoon stuff together tho -Spoon thinks Knife is stupid but weirdly interesting i guess -Spoon tries to pretend hes not in love w/ knife cuz thats like??? g...ay??? -Spoon realizes he’s totally hot for Knife and decides hes gonna totally seduce him -Spoon realizes flirting isnt going well with knife and is actually rly deeply hurt by rejection and so he tries to sleep around w/ other ppl  to pretend hes fine cuz w/e!! who cares -Spoon realizes hes totally in love w/ Knife and is devastated by Deeply Gay emotions -Spoon moves in w/ Knife and spoon tries to pretend he is fine w/ just being Knife’s obsessively devotedly loyal but not romantic/sexual partner. just ttly... platonic.. best dude pals..!!! who murder together -Spoon realizes he cannot handle just being friends and attempts to move out cuz he just is having a meltdown -Knifes like chill we’re already dating and Spoon is like “wtf we are?” and knife’s like “why else would i let you move in w/ me” and spoon just stares at a wall for like 12 hrs in shock -They start to officially for real date™ after spoon regains contact with reality -???????stuff??????? -Spoon dresses up as AGENT BEE!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN ALL OF HISTORY HANDS DOWN MARK UR CALENDARS 

YEAR 1925 July 8th - Simon (now Agent Spoon) has been in a relationship with Knife for 20 years. He meets Celadon #1. Location is the forests on the moon THUMB HQ. who is rightfully pissed as fuck at him. kick his ass, girl (she does btw) (ch11)

YEAR 1926 -Knife Adopts a tiny perfect adorable fluffball c-type and names him Kurt. -Spoon hates it like more than anything ever -Spoon and Knife end up having to live separately, causing a huge strain in their relationship.

Years 1927-1936 -feeling neglected, Spoon starts to sleep around, including the Crosshatch unit and becomes p close friends w/ them! its actually a positive thing for once. wtf (ch11) -Kurt becomes Agent Fork and works alongside Agent Knife on missions and its adorable and great but knife’s depression is also growing bc he misses spoon

YEAR 1937 Cash Leadman is born! :D

YEAR 1938 Rome Aiguille is born! he doesnt even hate worms at this point! Years 1939-1955 more stuff. ect. 

YEAR 1956 -Locket confronts Knife. Knife is so traumatized from meeting a surprise biological child that he has a meltdown and vanishes. he is then believed to have died. -Spoon Explodes from sadness of the news, but does not die. Half of him leaves to Cash Leadman’s house, who convinces him to keep living. He becomes “Scissor”, using her former crosshatch robot body. (ch11) -The other half meets Locket and has his Spoon stolen from him. very sads. Also cant wear thongs anymore (ch11)

YEAR 1957 -At some point during this year, Spoon kills Agent Rock’s dad and also prevents Fork from being able to enter Wibbleworld (his dream). (Scene in ch8) -Fork goes back to prison (guess what, it wasnt his first time goin’ there!) 

YEAR 1958-present -the death of rock’s hot dad springs a chain reaction of all his sons trying to kill spoon and getting revenge. Spoon successfully kills them all though lmfao. dont fuck with the leg.  -fork breaks up with dollop and she starts stalking him

YEAR 1961 -Dylan and Agent Knife meet in Wibbleworld moon, on July 8th (his birthday) He reveals secrets to her. (ch11) -Dylan/Celadon and Antony believe they are successful at killing Agent Knife on this same day.

YEAR 1962 -Feb 2 - Aeschylus wakes up in LEVEL K of the Crosshatch Colony (The Aiguille Moon) and is escorted by Antony Aiguille (Age 21) and Celadon #1, #2 and #3. Dylan and Barfy show up. (Ch 11) -Dylan tries to convince Antony not to get eaten (and fails) (ch12) -March - A mysterious earthquake and worm outbreak kills 20,000 residents in the Crosshatch Colony. O_O  -July 7th - Fork meets Dylan for the first time. :3 (Another serving episode one!) -July 8th: This is where the present timeline begins! Canary wakes up on a platform. Hooray! we made it. i dont feel like typing out the events u can just read the comic i guess lol. farts! 

YEAR 1963: Hasnt actually happened yet, but the final feast is said to occur this year!!!!!!! O_O ooo  EDIT: one of the events were out of order, but this has been fixed (8/19/2017)