#my biggest regret is that it closed before i was born

[romanian-rock-lover]

Rockoteca Buzău, ca. 1993-1994.

[misguidedasgardian]

GLADIATORS

CREGAN I.

MASTERLIST

Summary: You see your father’s latest acquisition in a closer way, a wild man from the North who had become one of his gladiators.  

Pairing: Slave!Gladiator!Cregan x Domina!Reader

Warnings: Ancient Rome AU, Cursing, slavery (and everything that comes with it, technically rape, forced labour, punishments), blood, guts, gladiator battles, lude language, nudity, sex and everything related is no biggie here, we’re a ‘sex positive’ Republic, mentions of sex, same sex couples, orgies, and more.

MINORS DNI + 18

Wordcount: 6,7 k

Notes: This reader is young perhaps… like 18? 20? but so is Cregan!

“Dad, he is old!”, you whined. You heard your older brother snicker by your side, as their silly wives snickered like the silly girls they were. You sighed as you popped a grape into your mouth followed closely by a piece of cheese and bread and a sip of wine. 

“He’s got money… and he is in the senate!”, he said then, signaling one of the slaves to start lighting up the oil lamps along the Triclinium, the night had fallen over King’s Landing and it was getting dark.

“I bet you could find someone who’s in the senate who’s got a wife he is willing to divorce, and he won’t die of old age before the wedding”, mocked your eldest brother, but soon got quiet as your father looked at him with severity

“Nobody should divorce their wives on my account”, you said, the notion made your stomach turn. Even though divorce was a common thing, if a man desired another, or another union would ensure more privileges, or if his woman was unfaithful or not able to give in heirs to the family, they could divorce. A woman could divorce her husband too if she had her own reasons.

You knew the dowry of your middle brother’s bride was quickly being spent on the training of the gladiators in the Ludus underneath the house, so he needed to come into some money quickly, even though he would have to pay for your dowry.

One of the greatest events of the year was coming quickly, and his Gladiators needed to be in top shape. 

“Tomorrow I want you all there, at the games of Senator Tywin”

“Have we’ve been invited to the pulvinus father?”, asked your eldest brother

“Close enough, right by it”, he said, he seemed pleased, but you had learned to read him better, there was something lurking in his eyes that betrayed a darker desire… for more power perhaps.

“I've heard that Larys Strong and therefore Alys Rivers got an invitation this year to the pulvinus, and her gladiators in the primus at sundown”, whispered Martyn

You had two oldest brothers, Alton and Martyn. 

“That Ludus stands as such because of that whore Alys Rivers”, mumbled your father

“A woman Lanista?”, you asked, “how could that be?”

“She is not, but she whispers in her half-brother's ear while he aspires to be in higher positions”, explains your father. “While his brother, first born son and heir goes around playing gladiator”

“He is a slave?”, you asked

“He volunteer himself into that life”, murmured Alton, “you had seen him fight sister, Harwin”

“Oh wow!”, you said, not really knowing what to say, but rather, sipping your wine, you did remember seeing the biggest person you had seen upon the arenas of King’s Landing’s Coliseum. 

“Anyways, Alys stands as such because she was advised many years by Daemon himself the demon of the arenas”, mumbled Martyn

“Yes, fine Daemon/Demon”, your father would repeatedly, while on his cups, tell the tale of his biggest regret, and that was not purchasing a young Daemon while he was still in training, he grew to be the greatest gladiator at the arena, so much so he won his own freedom at the games of the Vulcanalia some years ago. Daemon, as many other gladiators, came from the shadowlands of Essos, as he sported beautiful white/silver hair and violet eyes. 

You would never say this outloud, but the gladiator battles were never a thing of your interest, not really. You did not liked the bloodshed, the gutting, you had no taste for violence, and yet, there was something to admire as you saw those men fighting 

They looked like they were carved from the finest artist, they stood like they were gods above the sands. They stood as fierce representations of the god of war himself.

“Well, her reign of depravity will not last long, I heard the Northman shows great promise”, mumbled Martyn’s wife Adella 

“What about the Northman?”, Martyn asked then, you raised your head in question. Oh the Northman.

The man had your father in a lockdown, taking most of his time, money and patience. He was ‘caught wild’ in one of the last incursions of the armies of the emperor to the wild tribes of the North, hence his nickname. Purchased by your father at the slave market, and trained for the last months. With the purchase, your father was hoping to impress Tywin Lannister himself, a senator and a very wealthy man, it did not work, so far, as the man planned to visit your father’s villa upon invitation to see the Northman’s training and hopeful subjugation. So far, no luck. 

He was caught fighting, he wasn’t a stranger to it, but there was a long way from being a soldier to being a gladiator. From being… whatever he was up there, to obey command from a man that subdued you into slavery. 

But again, your father’s temper has closely returned to normal, so, you could only assume the training was becoming fruitful, even so slowly. 

“He will never be tamed”, he said curtly, “but… if we keep managing him properly, we can turn that hate of his into the arena, he shows great promise”

“Forgive me father”, you said, raising from your place in the triclinium, “I take my leave to bed”, you said with a soft smile, nodding at everyone present

“Good, I won’t have you all tired tomorrow”, he said approvingly, and you nodded, thinking for which old bat he would have you presentable tomorrow.

He was determined to get you wed before the autumn plantings at the end of the year, and he didn’t seem to care to whom as long as it brought privileges upon his house. 

It was hot, so hot, you could barely stand, you were eternally grateful to your personal slave, Anya, who stood by your side, fanning you with a soft paper fan. She leaned into you as you allowed her, to also enjoy the soft waves.

Although, they brought some stench from all the people around you.

King’s Landing, although the capital of the great republic, stood famous for its stench, having grown rapidly and unprepared for it. 

The sun cooking the viewers of the spectacle didn’t help either.

The people cheered, bringing a new wave of hodor that made you dizzy and poor Anya almost faint

“Did you see that?”, asked your elder brother to the youngest, as two gladiators fought to the death, one cutting the other’s arm. HIs screams could be heard all the way up where you stood, near the pulvinus.

You rather stare into the sun, which you did. Soon, after midday, it was going to hide behind the wooden beams supporting the canvas on top of the Arena, there you truly were going to enjoy it. being able to relish in the shadow. 

“Tywin demanded only the best this city has to offer present themselves in his games”, the comment alone made you turned your gaze upon the Arena, as people cheered again, some even pushed you in their ecstasy, to see the gladiator in shining white armor decapitate the one missing his arm

“And Cole does it again”, said Martyn. The one who had an armor so polished it was blinding was known as Cole, he stood from the Rhoynar in the south, from Dorne itself, plucked from the desert to fight in another kind of arena. 

“See her gloat”, demanded Alton, you all looked towards the Lanista herself, Alys Rivers in the pulvinus, with a smug look upon her face, she of course was the one holding the wip that trained the man in the arena.

She was of extraordinary beauty, long lustrous black hair, long to her hips, wearing a deep green stola, beautifully decorated atop a black tunic, you wondered how she did not bake wearing such dark colors. 

She was stuck to the side of her rumored half-brother, he was a.. interesting man, thin and a bit twisted, unruly hair but fine clothing adorned his weak frame. 

“People of King’s Landing…!”, presented Otto HIghtower from the pulvinus, a small but central box, where the most prominent people attending the games would sit at. He was a Senator, friend to Tywin Lannister and apparently presenter to today’s games. Maybe he was the patron of the entire occasion, your father had been paid by a HIghtower man.

But this… was far from over.

It was odd to see such a gladiator so early in the day, the sundown was reserved for the very best part of the games, the primus, between the two best and more known gladiators. 

You found yourself thinking about like four names at the time.

Harwin, Cole, Aemond, and… the Northman.

Although Harwin was disapparating from latest presentations… he still held name, but he had lost his prowess as the last time he found himself in the Arena he asked for mercy as he found himself losing, he raised his hand in the air with both index and middle finger pointing to the skies begging for mercy, and it was granted.

Against Cole himself. He got terribly injured almost a year ago, thereafter only presenting himself in fights long before midday sun.

Yes, everything you knew about gladiators and fights was learnt unwillingly. 

But the primus did not belong to your father, so the Northman was fighting early, thankfully. You might have a chance to survive this heat, by retiring back to your father’s villa early.

Although, these occasions were like the market for older unmarried men. And your father would have you giving everything to sell…  

“... I give to you, from one of the greatest Ludus of the Republic, a man, from the wild tribes North of the neck…”, your father smiled proudly as the name of the family was spoken loudly for everyone to hear. “trained to wet the sands with the blood of his enemies… I give you… CREGAN!”, people booed at his entrance, as the wild tribes of the North had been villainized by the Republic, as relentless, violent and above all, uncultured and barbaric, but you had learned to read between the lines, they were described as such because they refused to bend the knee.

The gates of the Arena opened on the west side, revealing the men ready for battle. He stood tall and broad despite his young age, his dark brown hair tied back, although hidden by a thick helmet in the shape of a wolf’s head. 

He wore nothing protecting his torso, yet a thick metal belt putting together the lower part of a tunic. He wore forearm and shin protectors, and thick leather sandals 

He had a huge sword in hand, and a shield on his other.

The sight alone took your breath away.

You had seen him only practicing, briefly, as your father did not approve of you gazing from your balcony down to the men. As they would, “get distracted”, and you didn't enjoy their eyes filled with lust either. So you refrained from doing so, but…

The mere glimpses you had gotten of the men were nothing when putting in comparison to the men upon the sand today.

In all glory, in strength, as a gladiator was the mightiest representation of a man, or that is what your father always said.

This was a rare sighting though, as he had barely been making a name for himself, this time might be the first he presents himself alone. Your father was right, taiming him was proving to be incredibly difficult, but nobody could deny that even if he presented himself a gladiator today under your father’s ludus, he was still as unruly as the first time you laid eyes upon him, as the first time you gaze down upon him, entering through the gates, kicking and screaming, hair longer than you had seen in a men, even longer than he had now. 

He fought your father’s guards and even the ones who he would call his brothers this present day.

Tywin himself called for the start of the fight, his opponent was someone of the Ludus of Larys himself, one with lesser note, his name left your ears as soon as you heard it.

But you couldn't care less, as when he started to move upon the sands, the rest of the world could crumble around you and it would not matter in the slightest.

“He stands superior in all aspects”, mumbled one of your brothers and you couldn't tell which as you were so hypnotized.

Cregan attacked first, and that was very frowned upon in the Lanistas, as the first to strike tended to have disadvantage, his opponent met him half way and the clash of gladious responded all over the coliseum. 

There were some gladiators that favored other weapons, like the spear and short shield, or the Retiarius, that were gladiators trained with a net and a trident, in a fisherman fashion. 

It sounded laughable in paper, but they were quite impressive in the arena, not this time though, both gladiators stood with a gladious, meaning a sword, and a long squared concave shield.

The fight wasn’t lengthy, the superiority of the Northman was clear since the very first movement.

Although it wasn’t less breathtaking, as each of their movements, attacks, the way they moved, and deflected, its like they were dancing, dancing in a mortal rhythm 

The crowd cheered for them, and even though they were not on the Northman’s side, suddenly, they shifted as it became clear that he was the better fighter. 

Although you did not enjoy the games, there was this moment, this exact moment in which you felt like your heart was in your throat and you could tear your eyes apart from the fight. The moment where you really cared about who won, about who survived. The Northman, even thought it was the 

But it was brief, first Cregan drew blood on the arm of his opponent, and then, after a quick movement, the man was dead, dropped in a growing pool of blood on the floor. 

The magic was gone, and the crowd erupted in cheers, applauding, screaming his name, although there were those disappointed because of the outcome.

“He will be the champion of our house!”, said Alton, “mark my words!”, he said, as your two brothers hugged each other in happiness. you turned to Anya, who had a soft smile on her face, but kept fanning the both of you 

The rest of the fights happened quickly after that, the sun hiding behind the podium of the magistrates and people of importance in the city, which gave you relief as the day turned quickly, the sun moved above the sky until it hid behind the outer walls of the coliseum. 

The last fight ended quickly as well, Aemond killing his opponent in an impressive showing of strength and blood. 

Your father was called upon another man near the pulvinus, as you tried to stand your ground as people around you were quickly to leave the arena, but you managed to stand your ground, as your siblings found friends of their own to talk to. 

Your father came back to you, rubbing his hands amongst each other with a pleased look on his face

“I must attend a meeting in the magistrate’s house”, he said happily, “He spotted me in the crowd and invited me”, you smiled at him

“I’m pleased, father”, you said with a soft smile

“See yourself to the villa, with our guards and slaves, don’t wait up”, he commanded the lot of you. 

“We have been invited to the Lannisters���, mumbled Martyn, your father’s eyes again shone with interest. So he nodded towards your brother.

“I trust you’ll be well taken care of”, he said then, turning to you, he then signaled to one of his most trusted guards and even to the Doctore himself, the trainer of the gladiators.

“Yes father”, you nodded at Anya and the both of you exited the arena, followed closely by a guard. 

You turned quickly as you heard your name being called by a familiar voice, as you were int he shade of the hallways, as you turned you found yourself with your old friend from your childhood, Alysanne Blackwood

“How long haven’t we gaze upon one another?”, she said, grabbing your forearms as you did hers, she leaned in a made attempt to kiss both your cheeks as it was accustomed

“Too long”, you said with a long sigh

“We shall remedy that immediately!”, she said then, “you didn’t mind telling me your father’s Ludus was the one who owns the Northman himself?”, she tried

“Oh well, much has happened in the last couple of years”, you said shyly, smiling softly at her.

This was hardly the time, all the people were leaving the coliseum, and pushed you who were trying to stand on the sidelines. She looked at you with those deep green eyes of hers, she was so beautiful, lean and tall, with thick black hair fixed beautifully and big green eyes, her smile was contagious. 

“Well it's been too long”, she said then, as you failed to meet what she desired, “and I will wait no longer, to get reacquainted with dear friend”, she said, grabbing your hands

“My villa, its mine for the night, as my father meets with important men”, you offered, her smile was as beautiful as the rest of her

“Perfect, Jeyne Frey is also here”, she said, “we’ll go together”.

To say you were nervous was an understatement 

The night found you and your friends in the safety of the triclinium in your family’s villa, where the soft wine flowed freely and also the dining. 

“And his cock was huge!”, she said, making you gasp

“Alyssane!”, you chided, “don’t say that!”, you said, feeling your cheeks heated

“What? Cock?”, she teased, “Cock! Cock! Cock! COCK!”

“Stop it!”, you slapped her arm playfully

“I see them all the time!”, Jeyne said then, looking sheepishly, hiding her smirk in her cup of wine. 

“Only because you like to peek as your brothers have sex with slaves!”, mocked Alyssane 

“No I don’t!”, she said, but you knew she was lying. 

“I bet that Northman’s cock is huge too”, teased Alyssane, finally revealing her true intentions behind her and Jeyne’s visit to your father’s villa. You got quiet, so did Jeyne, but the expression on her face said it all, she was as intrigued as Alyssane

“I wouldn’t know, even if I saw it”, you said

“You had never seen a man naked?”, asked Alyssane, raising one of her perfect eyebrows

“No”, you said then, well… you sort of had, men, male slaves on sale on the streets, but you had refused to look long enough to draw a complete image in your mind. What you saw in a couple of seconds did not please you at all, rather… you disliked.. something so… small and wobbly. You shaked at the very memory of it.

“You had never seen any of your gladiators in such fashion?”, asked Jeyne, ready to tease and follow Alyssane’s lead.

“No I have not!”, you said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Aren’t you at least a bit curious?”, asked Jeyne

“Well, of course I am”, you defended

“You are to be married before the darkest of the winter months, you should at least know what you are up against”, Alyssane said simply, “and I would not deny the sight… of such a man”

“You are here just to gaze upon naked men?”, you said playfully, although, a bitter taste in your mouth, as you were feeling clearly used, and pressured.

“No, I am here to gaze upon naked gladiators”, Jeyne said then.

But another flavor joined the others, the need deep within you impress your friends, your friends from rich houses of the capital 

“Bring me the Northman”, you said to the guard that stood in the corner watching the whole reunion, he seemed terribly nervous, but nodded and left you. You shaked with the resolution in your command, and felt a pit in your stomach in anticipation.

You knew he was going to take a while, so you turned back at your friends and smiled nervously, and they seemed terribly motivated. 

“I must say”, began Jeyne, as she saw your face filled with trepidation, “that my tongue will not be kept from wagging about your hospitality to my father”, she wanted to make sure you knew there was going to be recompense for this, and good recompense. His father, as old as time, sat in the senate, she stood the daughter of a senator.

“Thank you Jeyne”, you said with a soft smile, you took a long gulp of your cup, to try and soothe your nerves. Alyssane did the same, but with a smirk on her lips, she said nothing as she studied your form. 

Finally, they both took sit position in their triclinium as you heard movement behind you. You looked back to see their trainer Roose Bolton, following closely behind the man himself. The wildling from the tribes of the North, whose name was Cregan Stark, although everyone called him… ‘The Northman’

He stood with thick shackles around both wrists. in front of him. He was wearing nothing but a clean subligaria, and his body was like one of a god, well defined and gleamed under the light of the torches, he had recently been cleaned. The sight made your mouth dry, so you took another long sip of the mulsum in your cup. He had thick brown hair that he used tied in the back of his head, and he had sharp eyes, cold as ice and the same colour. The features of his face were soft, declaring his young age, your own, perhaps. 

“Leave us”, you demanded, but the trainer Roose Bolton looked conflicted

“Domina, I don’t think…”

“I said leave us”, you said, about to lose your courage, your friends behind you giggled, weirdly giving you confidence to commit to your own command. With a grunt, the doctore nodded and left you, with only your friends, a couple of guards standing silently in the corners of the room behind veils, and him.

The Northman

He was deadly still, looking forwards, beyond you and your friends, beyond this room, his jaw was tense, you could tell that being here, summoned by you like this… for him was humiliating, but there he stood, tense like a bow. He said nothing, he didn’t move an inch.

“Is this what all northmen look like?”, Jeyne teased, “he is more beast than man”, you didn’t know if that was a real question, but your eyes never left his form, even if it wasn’t he didn’t answer.

“You can answer”, you encouraged 

“All northmen do not look like me”, he said finally, the dark tone in his voice made the three of you gasp. “some make me look like an Andal”, Jeyne and Alyssane giggled at the prospect of finding even gruffer men than him. 

“Oh he speaks the common tongue”, Alyssane was on fire, making you more uncomfortable. His eyes finally found yours, and you couldn’t take your own out of his. 

“Yes he does”, you whispered, he indeed had a beautiful set of eyes. You then looked down at his chest, there was a red line, his injury from the battle in the Arena, it was still fresh, but you could tell it was healing properly

“I think he is handsome”, mumbled Alyssane, taking foot to walk towards him, you feared his reaction, as the guard standing in the corner of the room clenched his hand around the pommel of his sword. 

But the gladiator still didn't move as Alysanne walked around him, teasing him with a single finger, touching his skin as she walked. His eyes were still on you. 

“He stands as Mars, ready for war”, she whispered

“Alyssane seems taken by the man”, teased Jeyne in your ear

It was a curious thing, this what you were feeling, like somebody wanted to take something that belonged to you, but again, he wasn’t a thing, and you didn’t own him. Not technically at least, your father did.

“Their day starts early tomorrow”, you mumbled, making Alysane stop and look back at you with a teasing smile on her face. “his training I mean”, you said then

“Of course”, she said, you signaled the poor shaking guard and he grabbed Cregan, and took him from your side. You could swear you saw lingering eyes from him to you, but you must have imagined it.

“You should… enjoy him while you can”, said Jeyne finally, once you found yourselves alone again

“What do you mean?”, you asked her, her and Alyssane shared complicit looks

“Well, obviously, before you take an old bat as a husband, you should enjoy one of his gladiators, like that Northman for example”

“No…”, you said quickly, “I couldn’t possibly do something like that”

“Why not?”, asked Alyssane

“He is a man trained as a gladiator!”, you said, “he is a bit dirty…”, you tried, not quite convinced 

“You have him bathed and oiled before you”, said Alyssane like it was no issue 

“What if he doesn't want to?”, you tried then

“He is a slave, under your command…”, said Jeyne, “...and a man”

“What if he decided to kill me instead?”, you said then, “wrap his hands around my neck”

“I will not shame you is that is to your pleasure”, giggled Alyssane

“Aly!”, you whined, “the point is I really couldn’t, I mean, he is big and thick… and wild looking”

“Delicious then”, she offered

“Dangerous…”, you continued, although you felt your cheeks heated. 

“Well if you don't have him, maybe I could!”, she teased

“What are you talking about?!”, you asked, scandalized, “when have you heard that proper Andal women lay with their gladiators?”

“Oh I’ve heard a ludus where such things happen quite frequently”, she teased

“Where?”, you asked

“In Alys Rivers’ ludus!”, your eyes opened wide in shock

“Really?”, you asked, “the bastard sister of the Lanista Larys Strong?”, you asked 

“They say she offers her gladiators in… other manners”, she said, winking at you, “perhaps we should find ourselves at her door?”, she asked Jeyne

“Perhaps we shall”, she said back. 

“Don’t be mean!”, you teased back, she laughed, as she was clearly jesting, you hoped.

“The hour is late”, said Jeyne with a soft smile, “I should start my journey back to my villa before my father starts a search party”, she said, raising from her chair

“Yes! me as well!”, said Alyssane, “I hope I can meet you tomorrow at the market?”, she asked you, you smiled and nodded profusely, as you accompanied them to the atrium, and therefore the door

As you watched them leave, nervousness started to take a hold on you, as did the warmth of the wine consumed to hide your embarrassment 

It was not common to find yourself alone in your villa, your father had allowed it because you were in company of friends -who had influential fathers-, but now there you stood, no brothers, or sisters in law, father or friends to loom over you.

Your lower belly burned with necessity, with something you have never felt before, a longing, your body burned with anticipation and excitement. You didn’t know if it was the mulsum you had drank, or the power you just discovered, all the whole thing combined.

“Bring the Northman up here”, you said to the first guard you saw, he nodded and went to comply with your command. Your body was tingly because of the alcohol and you were excited to say the least, you didn’t even care that you had already sent the poor man down mere minutes ago, tonight, you had the power.

You shakily served yourself some more wine, back in the safety of the triclinium, the room where you ate, met with friends and family, where you were most comfortable. The man was standing right in front of you in minutes, the guards nodded at you and then left you as they had done before.

The gladiator stood there, now he seemed more surprised than before, as he found you alone, and he also seemed to be showing more of his emotions on his face.

“Northman”, you called, he turned to you quickly, anger in his eyes

“That’s not my name!”, it took you by surprise, you couldn’t deny it, the anger in his eyes, the sharpness in his tone. 

“What is your name?”, it was of no consequence to you, his domina, and you should express so, that it did not matter anymore what his real name was, but, there you were, asking him nonetheless

“My parents named me Cregan”, he said, “of House Stark”, he said sharply, “as many leaders of my house before me”

There was so much more you wanted to ask, as his words truly shocked you, but as you gazed down the street you came to your senses, realizing that you should not allow such things. As your father tended to say, “who were you before this Ludus does not matter, the only thing in your mind should be sand, and the blood of your enemies”

“That is not what you are here for”, you finally find your voice, minimizing his anger at hand, turning his attention somewhere else.

“Remove your subligaria”, you whispered the command as if you did not wish it, and his sharp eyes were trained on you

“Look at you, a little domina in the making”, he teased, his tone much changed since he let you know of his true name. The very words made your cheeks heated, and you found yourself averting his gaze, his did not stray from your face as he released himself from the only item of clothing he was wearing. Your eyes followed the trail of his perfect skin, down his toned chest to his belly and…

The sight alone made you gasp. 

This looked nothing like the ones of the male slaves in the market, if anything, those were… flacid and small, that sight brought you disgust and uneasiness, this one however, made your mouth dry and your skin tingle with desire. Desire that was pooling in your lower belly.

“You can touch me”, he said, he was being amused at your expense, only making you even more nervous, “I will not bite… much”, your hand was placed on his belly, muscles showing in beautiful shapes, you couldn't believe something could be hard but soft at the same time.

As your hand lowered, you found thick dark hairs there, making you shudder 

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen”, he whispered, so close to your face your hand stopped right before getting to his base and you looked up at him.

“I’m the daughter of your dominus”, you said, as you believed he was forced to praise you.

“Do you think that’s got something to do with what I just said?”, he asked. Your hand stopped right as the base of his cock, you shuddered, his manhood was terribly hot. 

You had never spoken to this man before today, you had barely glanced at him, and now, here he stood, under your command, looking at you with his sharp eyes, not missing a thing. 

“I’m sorry, this was a bad idea…”, you whined retrieving your hands like his skin burned you. Cregan grunted when your soft hands left his cock, and that only made you burn more heatedly

“And you are going to leave me hanging like this?”, he asked, amused, mocking you, but inside he was suffering, he was enjoying it too much, it has been so long without a woman’s touch, “you can’t do that!”

“My apologies”, you said quickly, leaving him there standing 

His doctore came to collect him, he retrieved his cloth from the ground, putting it in place

“A little tease that one”, he mumbled to the serious man

“Do not speak of domina in that way”, he growled as he pushed him 

“There is not much domina in her”, he chuckled

“That’s it, five lashes in the courtyard”, he said

“I’d think better of it doctore”, he said defiantly, taking advantage of the fact that only the two of them were present in the narrow passage that separated the villa from the training grounds of the Slaves, “the Vulcanalia is merely a fortnight away from now, and they have high hopes for me”

“Keep walking boy”, Roose Bolton threatened.

He led him downstairs and then through the big gate that separated the villa from the ludus, where the gladiators lived and trained. A guard locked it tight after they passed through it

“I advise you to keep what happened to yourself”, he said gloomly, Cregan looked back at his doctore, but nodded.

He was directed straight to a long open room, where the gladiators ate lunch and dinner. He directed himself to the cook, who gave him a clay pot with a white mush in it, just like the day before, and the night before that. 

“Here comes the whore!”, someone shouted at him, as his “brothers” started mocking him and winking at him.

It didn’t take much to guess what happened in the villa, there was only one reason you get called upon at such hours, and wearing so little

“Shut the hell up Ben”, he mumbled to his only friend he had in the Ludus, he haden’t say anything, but he was grinning at him like an idiot.

“Was it her?”, he asked him, “the daughter? the domina?”

“Yes”, he said, his friend pushed him playfully

“Did you fuck her?”, Cregan just looked at him angrily

“No”

“Was she not pleased with you then?”. he asked, frowning

“She is young, she doesn’t know what she wants”, he said simply, really not wanting to share what had happened upstairs.

It was humiliating, to say the least, to be treated like that. To be called upon to be gazed at by women who looked at him like a piece of meat, and then again to be touched.

Oh but he meant every word

You were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, since the first time he saw you, standing on that balcony, looking down at him. He did not blame you for your father, for the blood that ran through your veins, for the republic that created you. You had nothing to do with any of it.

Just by looking at you he could tell the kind soul that moved your body and warmed your heart

But you were the daughter of the man who purchased him, he wasn’t the one who enslaved him, but it was the man that had condemned him to the life of a gladiator. 

“Well, maybe you can change her mind”, he teased

The only reason he was playing along with the Andals was to see how to escape them, so far, it had been easy to stay alive, he had been trained since he could pick up a sword on how to hunt, how to fight, how to survive, the North was not a place for the weak

“Father?”, you called out loud, the servants all dropped their eyes as you passed them by looking for him, but you couldn’t find him in his study, so you were on your way to his room at the other side of the villa

“What’s this ruckus?”, he asked, looking at you with sharp eyes as he went to encounter you in the atrium

“My good friend Alyssane has summoned me to go to the market at noon”, you knew he wouldn’t refuse you, not if Alyssane was involved, so he just sighed and motioned for you to follow him. You went back to his study, passing all the statues decorating the atrium. A normal Andal family would display in honor effigies of their most prominent family members, but yours displayed the most prominent gladiators and fighters that had come from this ludus.

“Here”, he passed you a small punch filled with gold coins

“Thank you father”, you said, offering a complacent smile

“Take one of my men with you”, he said then, “one of the gladiators”

“I hardly think that’s necessary, a servant and a guard would do just fine”, you said quickly, always as you were in the market you wanted to pass by as inconspicuous as you could. 

“I insist, after the games, and before the Vulcanalia, I want the people to see them, to get excited, take the Northman”, you hid your face before your father could see the embarrassment in it. 

One of the guards of the villa went to fulfill his request, and you sighed in exasperation. 

You came back to your rooms to get ready to go out, and once you were, you returned to the entrance of the house, where Cregan himself was waiting for you with a severe look on his face, this was not to his liking, he was standing right by a guard, and by Roose Bolton. 

The sight alone made you tremble

Had he told anybody what happened the day before? that you had touched him and presumed to have him?

Once his eyes found yours, he smirked. 

“If something befalls the daughter of your dominus, fate worse than death awaits you boy”, he said in his ear

“Rest assured, that I will look after her with my life”, he said with a silly little smile.

You took a long sigh, and nodded to the guards and started walking out of the villa.

The villa stood on top of a hill, you had a pretty nice view upon the city of King’s Landing, but the rest of it wasn't quite impressive, the road was made of dirt and the houses around it were less impressive than the one your father had inherited from his father. It had been in your family since the very creation of the city.

You led a small comitive, all on foot, as you bluntly refused to be carried in a cot. You, your faithful slave Anya, Cregan himself, being flanked by two guards.

The center of the city started right at the foot of the hill, so it was a short minute walk.

You reach a street made of cobblestone, one adjacent to the one that led to the main street, as it was time before you had to meet Alyssane, you started to look the small stores

“Did your father hear of the way you handled me last night?”, Cregan whispered as Anya was tending elsewhere, you look back sharply at the Northman.

“No, and he shall not!”, you said sharply

“Oh well, I guess if he had, he’d have me castrated”, he whispered for your ears only, “and I guess you don’t want that as it seems you like what you saw”, he teased

“Stop it”, you said back. Your father was a practical man, and if he had heard of what occurred last night, you would be the one at fault, as everyone involved was just following your command. “My father will never know of this”, you sentenced 

“You wanted to lay with me? A gladiator? a slave?”, he asked then

“I was mistaken”, you said, trying to gaze upon what a man was cooking on his store towards the street, it smelled delicious 

“You are mistaken”, you heard him claim, his thick accent made your thighs, “for seeking bedding before connecting, to seek sex, instead of love, to want lust before you even began to feel the fondness”, he said sincerely.

“Thinking love is something within the grasp of someone in my position is foolish, and I learned not to be blinded and distracted by foolish things”, you whispered sadly. You nodded at the man and exchanged a couple of aerus for a plate of lamb soup. “I’ll be married before the year is over”, you whispered. 

[prettyyoungandbored]

I know your requests are closed but for when you have them open up can you please write a part two to this? I loved it and only just found it!

https://www.tumblr.com/prettyyoungandbored/693080581256462336/can-you-please-write-some-more-christian

Here’s to you, to everyone who gave the one shot some love, and to the movie’s 15th anniversary.

Pregnant [Bale!Bruce Wayne]: Part 2

Pairing: Christian Bale!Bruce Wayne x Reader

Warnings: Takes place after the events of “The Dark Knight” so major spoilers.

Sequel to this story

NOT MY GIF

ONE YEAR LATER

Y/N opened her eyes, welcomed by the soft touch of moonlight peering through the bedroom window.

She glanced over her shoulder to find Bruce’s side of the bed empty and still untouched, indicating he had yet to come to bed.

She wasn’t surprised nor concerned, having spent years dealing with his Batman patrol. Even after Bruce gave up being the masked crusader and the two settled into Wayne Manor, there were some nights he spent wide awake.

Realizing she wouldn’t get some sleep for a bite, she threw off the covers and padded quietly down the hall into her baby’s nursery.

Damian Wayne was born in August and quickly became the apple of his parent’s eyes. He was the perfect blend of Bruce and Y/N and the happiest baby in the world.

The glow of the nightlight from inside the nursery peered into the hallway, indicating the door was open and that Bruce was more than likely in there. Sure enough, that’s where she found him. He sat in the rocking chair, cradling their sleeping baby boy in his arms.

“Look at my favorite guys,” Y/N cooed quietly. “Was he crying earlier?”

Bruce nodded, giving her a small smile. “I was up anyway. Figured I’d let you rest.”

She took a seat on the foot stool facing the chair, admiring the view in front of her. “I love seeing you with him. It’s my favorite thing in the world.”

“I could say the same about you,” Bruce remarked. “I love watching you walk around the manor holding him.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes met his. Even after all this time, his gaze made her melt into a puddle.

“Remember when I told you I was pregnant?” she brought up. “How terrified I was?”

Bruce’s chuckled. “It was the greatest thing you’d ever said to me. Besides, of course, ‘I do.’”

The memory played out in her head. “I spent the whole night fighting the urge to put my hand on my stomach. I didn’t want anyone to know.” She paused. “By the time I was about to tell Rachel, you threw me into a closet.”

He let out a small laugh. “I threw you into a closet to save your life.”

“Yes you did. Saved both of our lives.”

Bruce’s smile faded softly as he shifted their focus to their son.

Y/N avoided bringing up his Batman days, knowing that the end of it nearly killed him. It took him a long time to come back from it, and even then he still wasn’t fully back.

“You…” her voice trailed off

His eyes met hers. “What?”

“You’re still my hero. Despite everything, you are and always will be. Bruce Wayne was my hero before I knew about Batman.” She paused. “And as far as Damian is concerned, you’ll always be his.”

The soft gaze on his face nearly broke her. It was as if he’d waited a lifetime for someone to say that to him. His attention shifted to Damian.

“When you told me you were pregnant, I knew right then and there it all had to end,” he said. “My father spent more time fighting for the city and while he was present for me and my mother, it still was his biggest concern. I wasn’t gonna let that happen. Not with what happened to them.”

His eyes met hers. “I will always regret the way it ended. Always. It will haunt me for as long as I live. But walking away will never be something I regret. If it keeps my family safe, that’s all that matters.”

Y/N pulled back her lips, fighting the tears that pooled in her eyes. She knew he didn’t want to end it the way he did. Not when it cost two lives.

“Has it really been a year?” Y/N spoke up, a slight tremble in her voice.

Rachel’s death plagued the couple enough that by the time the one year anniversary had come, they were all cried out. Still, it hung over them throughout the day. The couple made a silent agreement to avoid acknowledging it.

That was until now.

“It has,” Bruce answered. “Still feels like yesterday.”

Y/N exhaled. “I think about her every single day.”

He reached his hand over, giving hers a squeeze as if to say he did too. He still couldn’t bring himself to say it, but he found other ways to express it that Y/N understood.

“Thank you,” he said. “Without you, I don’t think I would’ve survived.”

She squeezed his hand. “I wouldn’t have survived without you either.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too.”

[skele-bunny]

ngl I could've sworn ud mentioned phantom having kits at some point(idk WHEN or WHERE but I could've sworn there was SOMETHING) so I was. Looking to ask for more and found the phantom/aether instead and Had To Know :3

now im just thinking of what adjustments would be made for phantom,,,, sure tour wouldn't last the whole pregnancy but he's little, they'd have to tailor stuff probably. and then DEW??? I'm assuming ?? In the fics where dew had calida, bc zephyr was present, it was during popestar tour, so there was NOTHIN to hide that baby, unless she was just rlly far back and close to the spine for him.

Ooo you might be thinking of Phantom/Dew/Swiss' baby Starlight!! (Also, note, not the same timeline for Calida and Comet! Two whole seperate timelines /info)

Ohh yeah it'd be much different then Dew's whole thing 😭 guy had NO way of hiding, tight ass uniform until he got upgraded to one of Zeph's uniforms, his bass was his only thing but even that didn't help all the time LMAO. Terzo tried his best okay 🫡 give my man his props wjekdk /silly Dewdrop was a runt, so while she was pretty far back and hidden and he didn't have much of a bump, it was still obvious the further he got until 8 months

Dew essentially took the entire back of the bus, even after Calida was born. They still had a tour to do. And there was orders that they couldn't just cancel, so now they're in a panic of what exactly to do. Dew doesn't feel safe at ALL leaving Calida with someone. So, a quick call, and Special is there. For "interviews", of course. He's hanging out in the green room the entire time, and during intermission Dew is right there. It's only a week like that before he's able to just curl in the nest with her and finally, FINALLY heal up. He's been bleeding nonstop from the constant strain, and finally started letting the others help him out.

Dew had a pretty rough and traumatic pregnancy & birth, but he doesn't regret how anything went one bit. His little sunshine is worth every single second of it.

Now, Phantom would've been taken care of more properly. They know more, there's more studies being carried out, more accessibility services for the ministry. It's a different era! Plus, he has a bigger pack with more diversity and similar instincts. Rain, Aurora, and Cumulus would be their biggest comforts. When they needs a good cry? Those 3. When he needs reassurance he'll be a good parent? Those 3. Just wants to be dotted and loved on? Those 3.

Mountain and Dew are his safe guards and their voice when he can't find it. One of the stagehands got irritated at Phantom bc he "wasn't doing anything and just standing around holding cords", and Mountain just glared so hard and quite literally told them to shut the fuck up. Picked Phantom up, sat him on his drum throne, and kept working.

Just like Dew would've been, he's not allowed to carry heavy items any more so they're stuck on cord duty, stick bag, and the softer percussion items. Not allowed to be alone, either. Slipped one time and that was already too many. Usually has someone accompany him to the bathroom, out and about in town, he just... Can't be alone. Honestly? It helps Phantom, too. Not only for safety but they feel better that someone is always there.

He's given permission for naps during set up once he's finished, and a lot of sitting breaks! Also like Dew, Phantom's anatomy is tiny. Aether wants them on bed rest as much as possible as he's a high risk essentially. So during shows you'll see him sitting on the steps or on Swiss' platform! He totally keeps up their silly antics the best he can that doesn't pose a risk!

Definitely tailoring, and has to have cooling pads placed in his uniform before performances as he gets super sick from the heat.

Silly thought I had midway writing this: Magick surges are still there and progressively gets worse the more he's along.

Phantom sneezes, and his guitar strings just break instantly.

Maybe they're crying really hard and sets off more light flickering before just shutting off their equipment completely.

Maybe a little rage fit because he's mad at themself, or just something that set them off, and Cirrus' phone short circuits and the screen cracks.

Pray for Aether. /Silly /aff

[bangchansgirlsblog]

My Biggest Regret

Part seven

**

Dinner went on smoothly and the boys each complimented the girls on how much they enjoyed it. Making sure not to leave anything behind.

"Do you need help with the dishes?" Y/n turned to look over at who was talking (she still wasn't sure about the different voices and who they belonged to too)

"No it's fine Han, you can go to sleep, it's late anyways," she let out a small chuckle and continued to run the hot water.

"I'm not tired and I want to help, let me help?" He had already walked over to the sink so Y/n really didn't have the chance to say no.

"Okay fine, since you're already here," she giggled, "I'll wash and you rinse alright?"

"You got it dude," he smiled over at her slowly getting lost in her eyes but soon snapping out of it.

"Okay so, Y/n…” he turned on the called water to start rinsing, he wanted to start a conversation it was eating him up, “Where are you from?"

"My mum and dad are mixed with different things but I'd just say Australia," she said softly, "wait here lemme help you with that," she quickly said after seeing he was struggling a bit.

She reached over into his side of the sink and slowly guided his hand trying to avoid the blender from cutting his fingers. She was so gentle with it that even Han swore that if Chan and her weren't dating he would have fallen in love.

"Okay there we go-"

"Thank you,"

"No worries, anyway I was saying, yeah I'm from Australia. Born and raised." She scrubbed at the one plate, her plate.

"Why are you scrubbing it so hard?" He asked intrigued by her actions.

"I have to wash everything in hot water and my plate to avoid any type of germs. I can't catch any infections or germs, it'll kill me literally," she laughed and handed him the plate to rinse off.

"Oh.." he trailed off trying to get the courage to ask her, "what are you sick of? I mean you don't have to tell me but if-"

"Oh I have cancer and no need to be scared to ask me anything Han, we're friends now," the smile on her face was so contagious that Han couldn't help but giggle. Yes giggle.

"What are you guys up too?" Chan's voice runs through the room causing the two to turn and look over at him.

He had his headphones around his neck and his beanie sat on his head. He was also wearing all black. No Surprise there.

"Han was just helping me wash up but we're done, do you guys need anything? A drink? Some snacks?"

"Y/n, baby, you've been working since morning love, let's go get some rest hm?" He had walked over to the smaller girls and wrapped his hand around her. She smiled at his action feeling content in his arms.

"Okay, fine but Han tell the boys if they need anything at all, I'm upstairs in Hannah's room,"

"You means Chan's room," Chan raised his eyebrow.

"Real smooth dude," Han dapped him up while laughing. Their Seoul personalities coming out a little making Y/n uncomfortable.

"Oh! Um, yeah just tell them that," she grabbed her phone off the counter exiting the kitchen and bumping into a taller body.

"Hey Hyunjin!" She beamed at him. His heart was touched by the way she was so excited to see him.

"Hey Y/n, where are you off too?"

"I'm going to sleep, I'm quite tired,"

"Sleep already?" He asked.

"Yes, have a Goodnight Jinnie!" She gave him a quick hug before making her way up to Chan's room. She was later joined by him after he had finished whatever it was he was doing in the kitchen with Han.

"I'm ready to sleep!" He whined and laid his head on her lap. She was reading a book and the lights in the room were all dimmed down.

"Then go ahead and sleep, you have a busy day tomorrow don't you?" She giggled and put her book down.

Her hands automatically start running through his hair. She was playing with it because it was so fluffy and she missed doing this. She missed being this close to him.

"That feels nice," Chan hummed. His eyes were halfway closed and he was about to sleep.

"Mm, I missed you," he softly said opening his eyes once against to admire her pretty face. Her cheeks were red from all the blushing.

"Missed you too," she softly said yawning. He then got into the blankets and wrapped his arms around her, spooning her small body.

"Goodnight princess,"

"Goodnight Channie." She was already halfway into her sleep.

[whinlatter]

3, 4, 14, and 37 for dean and seamus

my darling boys! 🥹 dean and seamus, off we gooooo. thank you @valfromcall!

3. Obscure headcanon

obscure headcanon 1 - dean thomas was born may 10th 1980, the day west ham won the FA cup. that west ham have never won the cup since remains a source of great regret for east london's golden boy. unfortunately may 10th also happened to be the day in 1997 when gryffindor won the house cup and harry potter scooped his ex from right from under his nose - a bad birthday for the ages. seamus tried to cheer him up by reminding him that may 10th is also the birthday of a proud son of ireland (bono from U2), which dean said was 'not helping'

obscure headcanon 2 - this is dean and seamus' son:

also this isn't obscure but their first kiss was 100% in the finnigan tent at the quidditch world cup after ireland's stonking victory over bulgaria

4. Favorite line

for seamus, it's probably when they're all in the dormitory in GoF and dobby rocks up and seamus nonchalantly goes 'someone attacking you, Harry?' aka mr finnigan giving precisely zero shits about whatever main character moment harry is having and thereby failing his audition for inclusion in the golden trio. bonus special mention to the world's worst pep talk in PS/SS:

“Harry, you need your strength,” said Seamus Finnigan. “Seekers are always the ones who get clobbered by the other team.” “Thanks, Seamus,” said Harry, watching Seamus pile ketchup on his sausages.

can't a man enjoy a condiment anymore smh

for dean, it's either "send him off, ref! red card!' from PS/SS or this from OotP:

"Well, [Moody] turned out to be a maniac, didn’t he?" said Dean Thomas hotly. "Mind you, we still learned loads."

14. Most heroic moment

seamus 'harry's a liar' finnigan getting beaten to a pulp and unrecognisably disfigured by the carrows. king shit

dean is being the biggest bravest boy in the world all on his own on the run leaving his mum and sisters behind and not being able to have a cuddle when he's lost and alone and scared and hungry all through DH :(

37. What they really think about themselves

i think, as teenagers, seamus was the one with a lot of insecurities and self-loathing: struggling with the knowledge that he was gay and a bit in love with his best mate and not really knowing what to do with it, in conflict with his mum and wrestling with who he was going to be in this big war that seemed to be looming, not the cleverest or the sportiest or the anything-est and generally a bit aggy and restless. dean was the much more relaxed one of the two. he had a strong sense of right and wrong, was sure the goodies would prevail before anything got too out of hand, was content with his kind of chill blokey vibe and got a fit girlfriend that meant he could park any of the slightly confusing feelings he was feeling for shay.

after the war, though, they swap roles. seamus has quite a settled sense of self after his school years - like, he got his fuck up out of the way (not believing voldemort was back, having his big sulk), but then redeemed himself, was on some real hero shit and really became close with the other DA lot, getting a lot out of the prestige of being an auror for a bit, no longer felt like he had much to prove, and felt loved and confident enough to come out. dean, however, really struggled with the impact of the war, feeling an intense sense of isolation and distance from the other's wartime experiences, and both envying seamus' confidence to come out but struggling to accept that he might also not be straight, like it was just another thing that would mark him out as Other. i basically think seamus and dean were hooking up a lot immediately after school and in their early twenties, but always in secret, while dean kept dating muggle girls and playing out this big tension he feels in his own identity, between the muggle and wizarding worlds, as well as over his own sexuality and internalised homophobia. i reckon seamus was the one to (eventually) recognise this was self-destructive and breaking his heart, and ended it. cue the wilderness years!

they obviously get back together eventually, though, hence west ham son (yes i'm obsessed with this child), although seamus threatened to break up with him when dean argued he should be allowed to put the imperius curse on declan rice to stop him moving to arsenal and betraying his beloved hammers in summer 2023

[cillianmurphysdimples]

Good old fashioned "about me" survey, not that anyone is interested...

name:: Kelly

nickname:: Kells

how old are you:: 35

zodiac sign:: Pisces

current location:: Coventry, England

eye color:: Green

hair color:: Brown

hair type:: Thick & Curly

hieght:: 5ft 2in

your heritage:: English & Irish

what's your middle name:: Louise

shoes you wore today:: Primark trainers

your fear:: My children being taken or dying

have you ever ridden a mechanical bull:: No!

do you want to:: No!

goal you would like to achieve this year:: I achieved them in August - own home for me and the boys & a sensory room for the boys

first thought when you wake up:: What time is it?

best physical feature:: To me? Eyes.

who is your bestest friend:: My little sister

when is your bedtime:: I go up when my boys do, so around 7pm. But I don't sleep til 10ish

your most cherished memory:: Births of my boys & the last day I spent with my Granddad

pepsi or coke:: Coke - Cherry Coke if it's available

mc dondalds or burgerking:: Neither these days, but Maccies before

single or group dates:: Single

what is the last song you sang:: "sang" haha! Erm, it was probably "Oró, Sé Do Bheatha 'Bhaile" with my 5 year old (he sings 'oh let's go to the gruffalo island')

does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive:: Yes, sometimes.

what is your biggest pet peeve:: Noisy eaters!

do you drink:: Alcohol? One or two a week. I don't like nausea, and have addicts in the family, so I don't drink much on purpose

ever been drunk:: Twice

do you smoke:: Occasionally cigarettes, but I vape frequently

do you "SMOKE":: Weed? No

do you sing:: I can't, but I do

what color underwear do you have on:: Black

do you want to go to college:: I did - CACHE CCE 2 and Diploma HSC 3

have you ever been in love:: Briefly

do you want to get married:: No!

do you believe in yourself:: No, learned fairly quickly I'm a piece of shit

do you believe in others:: Some people

do you like thunderstorms:: I fucking love them!

do you play an instrument:: I can play The Lord's Prayer on piano, but that's your lot!

what do you want to be when you grow up:: I achieved it - I wanted to be a mum. I was also the deputy manager of a Nursing Home before I had my children which was amazing

what country would you like to visit:: I just want to go back to Ireland 💚

how many CD's do you own:: None now

how many DVD's do you own:: Around 450 last count (a few years ago) so maybe 470 now?

how many tattoos do you have:: 8

how many piercings do yo have:: None now, but I had ears, left labret, right eyebrow, and both sides of my nose X2 until I was around 28

how many things in the past do you regret:: Yeah, a few things.

FAVORITES

shoes:: Chunky soles - trainers, ankle boots or sandles

radio station:: I don't listen anymore

drink:: Caramel latte, Cherry Coke, monster mango loco

car:: None

place:: Cootehill, Co Cavan, Ireland 💙

song:: Angeles - Jensen Ackles and Lemon 7s - A Lazarus Soul and Scorn Not His Simplicity - Luke Kelly

movie:: Four Weddings and a Funeral and On The Edge

moment:: When my boys were born

color:: Variations of blue

meal:: Toast and proper butter!

IN A GUY/GIRL

favorite eye color:: Doesn't matter

favorite hair color:: Doesn't matter

short or long hair:: Longer - just not cropped in dead short, but then it's their hair so they can do what they like

height:: Doesn't matter

body type:: Literally does not matter!

does ethnicity matter:: Doesn't matter

piercings:: Whatever

tattoos:: Whatever

MORE

do you think you are attractive:: Fuck no - I have a flat nose, epicanthic folds, I'm fat, I'm waiting to have my shitty teeth removed, and my boobs are bigger than my head. I am gross.

are you attracted to someone who does not know it:: No they knew it but they were engaged. We talked for a while then he felt guilty so we stopped.

would you like to be someones fantasy:: Ha I never would be so it's moot

do you kiss with your eyes closed or open:: It's been 5 years since I kissed anyone who who the fuck knows?!

a little or a lot of tongue:: Little

older or younger:: I don't mind - my kids dad was 2 years younger, my last interest was 3 years older

lights on/lights off or candle light:: Doesn't matter

do you like to cuddle after:: Depends on what kinda sex we'd had

do you like to cuddle in general:: I'm not physically affectionate on the whole. Makes me uncomfortable. I like sofa cuddles watching TV though.

RIGHT NOW

what is todays date:: November 7th

what time is it:: 7.25pm

who are you thinking of:: Cillian's eyes look good in this film (Aloft)

what are you listening to:: Aloft film

do you love someone:: As in 'in love'? No.

does someone love you:: My children, I think! Probably my siblings, and Mum and Step Dad.

is it raining:: Mizzling

are you happy:: In general, not really, I'm fairly neutral

[bl4z33467]

As i said, id do that question list for my ocs. So first, Sir Blaze

Are they a human, ghoul, synth, or something else?

Human

Are they a canon main character? (Lone Wander, Courier Six, etc.)

Sole Survivor

What is their SPECIAL?

7,6,3,5,10,3,4

What perks or tagged skills do they have?

Robotics Expert, Science!, Armourer, Strong back, Lead Belly, Animal Friend

What is their highest skill? Lowest?

Animal Friend is highest

Were they born pre-war or post-war?

Pre-war

Do they wish they lived before the war / could go back to life before the war?

He is conflicted. But probably if he could, take all his friends and family back before

Did they live in a vault? If not, have they been inside of one?

Straight outta 111

Where did they grow up? Where do they currently reside?

Grew up in concorde, now live in Sanctuary

What languages do they speak?

English, a bit of Hindi (does robco termalink count??)

What type of education have they received?

Highschool, studied robotics on his own time

Can they read, write, and/or do math?

Very good at math, can read, can write but handwriting is TERRIBLE

What is the most frightening experience they have endured?

Having to leave his best friend Jake to die in a fire

What is their fondest memory?

Getting married (but it seems its was better in the moment)

What is their proudest moment/accomplishment?

He doesnt know ;-;

What is their biggest regret

Leaving Jake Behind, close second is marrying Nora

Do they have a job? How do they make a living?

Once a computer engineer, us solider, and an sales keeper of sorts, now general of the minutemen

Do they have any disabilities, mutations, or implants / enhancements? Do they have any chronic illnesses?

PTSD, undiagnosed autism and chronically ugly /j

Who (or what) are they emotionally closest to?

His best friend Pickle

Who do they consider to be their family?

Piper (his gf) and Nat (like a daughter to him) and eventually synth shaun

Do they travel alone or with a companion?

Usually with Piper or Codsworth

Do they have any pets?

Dogmeat and a Gary (sort of, he shares with Pickle)

How do they feel about physical touch / affection?

Hes a bit of a hugger :3

Do they have a romantic partner or partners?

Piper

Are they quick to trust others?

Wayyyyy to quick. But can see a person is bad

How would others describe them / their disposition?

Too cheery for the wasteland. A bit weird, friendly, sometimes mischievous and

What faction(s) are they a member of / allied with?

Minutemen, chill with the railroad

What faction(s) do they despise?

Institute and Technically the legion for pickle's sake

What is their moral alignment / karma?

Good

What decisions have they made or actions have they done that affect their canon wasteland? (Did they blow up Megaton, have they killed/spared any major characters, etc.)

Eventually blows up the institute

What is their goal in life? What impact would they like to leave when they're gone?

Be a good person :3

What is their go-to weapon or weapon class?

Institute laser (hes hates the institute but uuuu the laser)

What is their fight-or-flight response?

Fight

What armor / clothing do they typically wear?

Vault 111 jumpsuit to show off the cake

Do they have power armor training?

Yeeees his go to is the t-50 with some flames but has a huge collection

Have they ever saved someone's life? Have they ever killed someone?

He usually tries to save people but will kill (none specifically i can think of, minus pickle whom he saves from their own fauly)

What is the worst injury they have?

That massive gash on his face probably from the cram can (softy smh)

What is their favorite radio station?

Diamond city radio but he hates the broadcaster and the city. Just likes the tunes

What is their favorite song?

In game, probably civilization, out of game, he likes classic rock and scenecore

What is their favorite type of weather?

Sunny

What is their favorite time of the day?

Evening

What is their favorite wasteland creature?

Deathclaw

What is their favorite meal and drink?

Blamco mac and cheese and nuka cherry

What is their favorite smell?

Clean air

Do they have any specific hobbies or talents?

FURRY LMAO (costume/armour making and drawing) Video games, interior design, tinkering with computer programs

Do they play any sports? How about board games or card games?

His fatass isnt playing a sport. He would probably get bored playing long or complex games but you bet your ass he's counting cards while playing go fish with nat and pickle

Do they enjoy reading?

Not really

Do they collect anything?

Animal bits

What items do they always have on their person?

Extra food and explosives

Do they travel by foot or by other means?

Foot usually. Likes his power armour

Do they own a Pip-boy? If so, how did they get it?

Stole it from a dead guy while leaving 111

Can they swim?

He can float

What do they think of the ocean?

Doesnt pay too much mind to it. He likes orcas though

Do they prefer showers or baths?

Nice warm shower

Are they past, present, or future oriented?

Present

How do they feel about robots? (Eyebots, Mister Handys, Sentry Bots, etc.)

They took his first job!! But they are cool

What is a sensation / texture they cannot stand?

Cold tiles

Do they believe in luck? Do they have a good luck charm?

No. Look at his luck stat

What is a sensation / texture they cannot stand?

Do they believe in luck? Do they have a good luck charm?

Do they idolize anything / anyone?

Not really

Are they religious? Spiritual?

He is curious about it. His parents hated religion but he hated them

What are their thoughts on chems and alcohol?

He is hypocritical on chems, as he struggles with pyscho addiction but is critical to others who use it. He doesn't care abour alcohol as long as your an adult

Do they have any weaknesses or struggle with any vices?

Pyscho addiction, and when not on pyscho its eating

Do they need / wear glasses?

Nope

How / where do they generally sleep?

On a mattress with a bed frame in his house, sometimes with piper when she comes to visit

Describe their living space. (How do they decorate it? Does it have running water and/or electricity? Etc.)

It has pictures he drew, photos of him and his friends, family, and pets, animal bits he's collected like skulls, scales, skin, generally neat and orderly.

Describe their eyes.

Orange. Im not one for detailed eyes.

[strscrossed]

Since request are opened, I would like to second the NannyKasa fic! I think it was super cute how you wrote it. I want to see her and Eren date and eventually have kids of their own and mix together their families. I can totally see mikasa and Eren having girls and max and Leo being confused as to how to play with them haha cause they’re just babies

this is a continuation of yesterday's fic! tbh this world has potential! let me know if there's anything specifically you'd like to see! putting a keep reading because there's vague descriptions of childbirth!

21 hours, 43 minutes. 

That’s how long it took to deliver her baby girl into the world. Through the very painful contractions, her thoughts would float back to her boys. Had they eaten? Did they get to school on time? Were they safe? 

“Mom’s watching them. Come on, Mika, just focus on your breathing, okay?” Eren soothed her. 

At 3:48 AM on the eighteenth of September, Emi Carla Jaeger entered the world with very little fuss. Everything else left her mind as her little baby was placed on her chest. Everything else melted away. 

“Eren,” she sobbed. “Look. Look…” 

“She looks just like you,” he muttered into her hair. “She’s perfect, Mikasa. I’m so proud of you.”

In between feeding and bonding time, Eren allowed Mikasa to sleep. When she woke up, she saw Eren holding Emi close, whispering how much he loved her and thanked her for existing. He refused to let her go. 

Carla brought the boys over that afternoon. It was Friday and the boys had school but Eren told her that they were so excited to meet their little sister. 

“Now, now boys. Remember, it’s a hospital, you have to stay real quiet, okay?” she heard Eren say outside. The boys were good about following directions. 

“Hey guys,” Mikasa waved. “Do you want to say hi to your little sister?” 

They nodded and she motioned to the little bassinet in the corner. Emi slept soundly but she’d have to wake up soon to be fed. 

Mikasa didn’t know what to expect, but she didn’t expect the boys to tear up. 

“She’s so small,” Leo commented, sniffling. “She’s so small, mama. She looks like a doll!” 

“Yeah,” Max agreed, quietly. “She looks like you.” 

It was times like this where Mikasa regretted not having her phone. She wanted to capture this moment. She wanted to stay in this moment forever. The boys were absolutely mesmerized by their little sister and Max was doing his best to wipe his tears. 

“Hi little one, hi. I’m your big brother,” Leo said. “Leo. And that’s Max, do you remember our voices?” 

The little boy was bouncing as excitedly as he was allowed. Emi was asleep right now. 

“Why is she sleeping, mama?” Leo asked. 

“Babies need a lot of sleep,” Mikasa answered. “It’ll help them grow.” 

Max was oddly silent but then Mikasa remembered this wasn’t his first time. He’d been too young to really understand when Leo was born but at 9 years old, he’d remember this exact moment for the rest of his life. He was a quiet, thoughtful boy. But Mikasa knew. She knew that he would love his sister dearly and protect her fiercely. 

“Alright,” Carla said. “Let me meet my first granddaughter!” 

Mikasa smiled as her mother-in-law looked into the bassinet as well. 

“Oh, Eren, Mikasa. She’s absolutely perfect!” she said. “Is it alright to hold her?” 

The tenderness of the moment faded. Now everyone wanted to hold her and, of course, Carla Jaeger won that battle. 

“But I want to hold her!” Leo whined when Max finally got a chance. 

“I’m her biggest brother,” Max huffed. “I get to hold her first!” 

Mikasa smiled as she watched the scene unfold before her. Her little family was all together, fawning and doting over their newest member. Little Emi was going to be the most beloved little girl in the whole world. 

Mikasa closed her eyes, allowing sleep to overtake her once more. Her happiness knew no bounds…

[creepylittlelady]

Zalgo’s Memories

(Content Warning!: Mentions of Sexual Assault (very light), Sexual content in general, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, maybe like one comment that can be depicted as racist. I don’t condone anything said in this.)

I remember the days when my mother was still there.

Her name was Eve, or Eden, or something like that.

It always smelt a bit damp and mouldy, it made me sick sometimes. I’d used to scratch at the walls to try and find where the bad smell was coming from, why I felt sick just from smelling it. My fingers would always be black afterwards, and my mother would hit me, saying that I shouldn’t make myself so dirty when I already was dirty.

I never knew what she meant. Was it because she made me out of sin? It must be why. The Priests always told me that children who were born from unmarried parents were sinful.

It was only one room. When mother was doing her work, she’d lock me in the closet whilst I heard those strange noises. It made me feel sick. Sometimes I’d make myself fall asleep whilst picturing that I was in a lovely warm bed and that I had one of those squishy fake bears that I saw at a carnival once before.

I hated the closet. It was damp and dark, I was only 3 years old. Sometimes she’d forget that I was in there. I think she felt remorse in those cold brown eyes of hers, but it was somewhere where I couldn’t see.

I remember the baths too. It was always cold, and I’d be hugging myself and shivering whilst she scrubbed at me furiously. My skin was always red and sore afterwards, it felt like she was trying to wash away something deep inside of me.

She was nice to me sometimes, once she gave me a slice of pie from a bakery and glared at me whilst I ate it. I think she might have loved me. Might have.

She hugged me once. It was after she let me out of the closet. I remember her screaming a lot, it made me feel scratchy inside. I mainly felt sick, because it was my own mother screaming after all. The man had walked out, I remember the heavy buckled boots like a bartenders, and she let me out and held me tight to her. I didn’t like it, but I still huddled to her close when she cried.

I didn’t like when she cried. It’d be loud and she’d wail. She’d say mean things to me.

“You’re my biggest regret.”

“You’re my sinful mistake.”

“You’re all I have. My sinful little boy.”

It felt bad. I didn’t feel nice. But she was my mother, and I felt like I had to listen to her anyways.

She was young, I think. She was real pretty too, she had curly blonde hair that was always done up real neat and her eyes were striking. I think that’s why a lot of men wanted her.

“You’re probably going to turn out just like them. Just another damned pervert. That’s all you men ever turn out to be. They’ll promise marriage and love, but they always run away the second they get what they want.”

“No matter how much you think you won’t end up like them; you will. You’re just like the rest of them; selfish and perverted.”

I suppose she was right.

I remember when I was 4 years old, and she disappeared. It was only for a day, but I sat there on the dirty floor, watching the rats scurry by, wondering if she would come home. It was scary. I was scared. I knew I was a sinful boy and I thought that God had decided to punish me once and for all by taking away my mother.

She came back, weeping into a baby and covered in blood. It smelt bad. Mother named her Lily, I’m not sure why. But I’d poke her face sometimes because it was really soft, and it gave me a weird feeling.

Mother didn’t like Lily. She’d call Lily a mistake, she wouldn’t feed her or take care of her. It wasn’t fair.

I remember when she punched her in the face for not wanting to eat. I remember I had to nurse her soft nose back to health. Mother felt guilty about it, because she collapsed down and started crying. I didn’t want to help her then.

“I’m a monster. You don’t love me.” She’d wail to me, and I wouldn’t respond. She looked ugly when she cried. She was normally so youthful and pretty. It felt weird.

I don’t know if I loved her or not. I wanted her to love me, but somewhere along down the line I stopped caring if she was there or not.

Sometimes she tried to be a mother. She taught me how to count a bit and the alphabet, although I only knew how to write my name.

A

S

H

T

O

N

Ashton. Mother never called me by my name. She’d always call me something, but it was never my name. It’s like she didn’t want to admit that I had a name, that I was real.

I was still upset, because now alongside me being in the closet when mother was working, Lily was there too. I don’t think babies like dark smelly closets, because she’d always start to cry. I’d have to muffle her mouth sometimes. When mother would let us out she’d look at Lily angrily; it felt weird.

I’d scratch at the walls like I normally did, and I’d dream about waking up to the smell of porridge and eggs. I’d never had an egg before. Mother wouldn’t tell me about them, but I’m sure they must have been nice.

“You’re such an ugly boy. Such an ugly colour you are.”

I didn’t know what colour I was. I think I’m normal, but mother always was paler than me. I must have looked like whoever my father was, that’s why she hated me.

Because I was ugly and sinful.

One day, after a cold day where she got no work, where me and Lily solemnly played on the corner of the room ourselves, she disappeared.

I saw her leaving through the door, and got up to chase her.

She was gone.

Into the thin air, she disappeared.

I simply sat there.

Just how sinful and disgusting am I, that my own mother wanted to leave me?

[octochick]

Biggest regret

Cw suicidal thoughts and attempt, blood, ooc

It was raining. Maybe it was surprising, or maybe not. It doesn't really matter.

Bagi's shoes squelched in the mud, dripping with water and blood. She walks, dodging the fallen bodies, white stained with a vivid red and the ashen mud.

She knows what she is looking for. It is right there, laying down in the mud. Dumb ass, that tank top is white, he'll never be able to get the stains out. At least use something darker, stupid head.

She squats next to him. Now, more than ever, she can feel every single raindrop falling on her. It rolls down her face, mixing with her tears, and fall warmly on the cold ground.

"Hey, can you walk?" She asks, shaking him lightly. He clenches his fists, but otherwise doesn't react.

Still, she gets him up. She puts one of his arms around her neck, and hugs his body onto hers. She starts dragging him, at first slowly as she carries the weight of two, but soon after faster, when he gets tired of being dragged.

"What are you doing?"

"You'll get a cold if you stay in the rain. I'm just taking you to somewhere with cover."

A second, just enough for him to comprehend her words, and then she was thrown to the mud, back connecting with a sharp rock with a sharp crack, one of her hands perforated by a knife and the wrist of the opposite hand broken, a silent scream trying to get out. He is over her, eyes maniac, giggles escaping from his lips.

"Why?"

"...I don't want you to get a cold." She answers, like it makes all the sense in the world.

He laughs, cruel and cold, and twists the knife in her hand. A whimper escapes her.

"When I needed you, you went to the other side, but now you come to me like nothing happened? What are you planning? Do you think I'm stupid?"

A small silence is settled over them. She looks at his eyes. Desperation.

"Yeah, a little bit." His knee meets with her shin, but she doesn't feel anything.

"Aren't you afraid of dying? Why did you suddenly decide to play with the monster?"

If possible, her eyes gets even more teary, fat tears rolling down her face and falling into her ears, making everything feel blurry and muffled, the pain dulling into the background from the pain her heart released upon her.

"You are my biggest regret." This somehow manages to surprise him, the emotion passing by in a second before being hidden by a scowl, but before he could talk, Bagi continued. "I love you so much," her voices breaks, and her breath comes out in small bursts. It feels like hyperventilation. "the only thing I want is for you to have a happy and healthy life, but you are my biggest regret."

"Since you disappeared, you are my biggest regret. You don't understand how much I love you, all I want is to see you happy and healthy, but you also don't understand how deep my regret is."

"Since the first day without you, I wanted to forget you, I wished you were never born. I wished I were never born."

"But I love you so much, that I kept searching. No matter how much my regret said that I should give up, I still kept going."

"You don't know how many times I wished to have been a single child. You have no idea how many times I wished I was dead. You have no idea how many times I thought of going to the Federation and asking them to forget everything about myself, to be reborn just like you once were."

"But I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't!"

"Because I love you. I hate it, but I love you."

It was silent. Bagi felt faint, like she would pass out at any moment. She couldn't see what face her brother was making.

"I'm weak. I suffered so much less than you, and I'm so weak. I'm so weak, that I can only beg to my biggest regret."

"Please, kill me. Kill me permanently, kill my regrets and my love, please, kill me and free me from my suffering. I'm weak and can't take it anymore."

Bagi was long hyperventilating, violent sobs wrecking her as she finishes ranting, but just now she closed her eyes.

A moment of suspense, and she felt knife's edge at her throat. She sobs, and her blood drowns her. She feels it in her lungs as they desperately try to work, she feels the rain, she feels her broken spine, she feels her stabbed hand, she feels her broken wrist, and she doesn't feel her brother hovering over her dying body.

The moment her body gives up is the moment she respawns.

And she doesn't feel nothing.

It didn't work. She's still alive. Her love is still alive. Her regret is still alive.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

For all my hate for OBD Riddler I do think it brings an interesting concept for an AU: what if Edward's mother had kept him? I don't know why I kept thinking about it and not sleeping even though I have a test tomorrow morning and I ended up writing some random things about it:

" She should never have kept him. She knows that, has always known that.

Edward looks at her with big inocent brown eyes and questions too complex for a boy his age and she knows she should have gave him away. Is not that she doesn't love him.

She didn't at the start. When he would take her sleep and her employers with loud cries and empty bellies. But while she knows that she can't truly remember how it is not loving him.

No, she thinks again, looking at his too big second rate clothes and messy red hair, is because she loves him that she should have let him go. Because a boy like him is wasted here. What matters if her son can read at two when they are barely scraping above the poverty line? She should have let his father take him away."

-

"Edward Tierney never grows to be a troubled young man in a boarding school terrifield of his father fury and tamed down by riddles.

Instead Edward Nasthon grows to be a troubled young man in a poor part of the city terrifield the violence of Gotham will take his mother away. For him riddles and puzzle books aren't a sign of failure, they are his one strengh.

The Riddler is born either way.

But Edward Nygma is a very different man depending on the story we tell here."

-

"She still remember that day.

The biggest decision of her life. Her biggest failure, the one she does never truly regret.

The baby in her arms turns and tussles as if knowing that this is the moment that will change his life forever. And in another life she would have done the right thing, Edward would be raised in fancy clothes and warm meals and have access to all the knowledge his heart so desperadly desires. But on this life she didn't.

She couldn't.

Not when the man, the fateful client, the father, looked at their son like that. She knew that look, the contempt and disgust, she had accepted that judmental rich white man would always look at her like this, as if she was lesser. But to see him look at their son that way. To know on her gut he would love the boy less just because it was hers.

Hot anger fueled to her veins. All she remembers after is the man leaving and saying that she better not expect child support because he won't pay for his own blood to be raised by a whore. She never sees him again and life goes on."

_

"She sees him again. She knows it's him the moment her eyes met his and she almost feels ashamed somehow, almost hides, but she refuses to lose. This city already broke her too much as it is. "

-

"Edward is four years old when he sees his first body. Mom took him for a fun day in the park close to the appartment and even bought a cheap ice cream cone for them to share.

He is running around trying to discover the secrets of the park. Maybe catalog it's bugs, he read a book about bugs recently in one of his visits to the library. He would like to study them closer. Instead he finds the remains of a woman.

He is four and he read a book on the human body once but even if not he knows it should not be open like that. He knows it's weird and wrong. He pokes it with a stick and tries to see if the insides match the book.

His mother finds him ten minutes later. She looks horrifield at the scene before grabbing him and hugging him way to tight. They don't go to the park again."

-

"She can't say no to the schoolarship.

It would be unfair.

Her boy is smart too smart for his own good but more importantly too smart for what she can give him. And this is a chance to give him a future. It's a good sign. First the boarding school and then a good college all paid.

And if she could take more clients knowing Edward would be far away all the best. So you see, irrecusable ofter. Even when he is also there.

"And remember-"

"Behave, try to make friends instead of just studying all the time and do not engage with the principal unless absolutly necessary." He says with the habitual pre teen annoyance. Although not even it is enoght to hide his excitement. She is doing the right thing. "There's a thing I don't unserstand." Edward continues curious as always. "Why is not talking to the principal so important? I do understand you don't want me to cause trouble but why ask this in a separate order from behave?"

She brushes some strands of orange hair from his face. He is big now. Soon he will be bigger than her.

"Eddie" she pleads "For once in your life, don't ask question."

He pouted. And she had to supress the smile. They might grow fast but he will ways be her little boy.

"But-"

"No buts, let this one go, son. I'll ground you if need for."

He pouted harder but noded.

"Okay, mom. I won't ask about it."

He lied.

She pretends to believe him."

[mari-m-rose]

I was tagged by alemanriq (a lot of time ago...I'm revising my drafts. Thanks tho, Ale! ♥)

Tag the person who tagged you and let them know when you’ve finished. (I'm not doing this, tagging people gives me anxiety)

Answer the questions/tasks and then tag 20 people and let them know they’ve been tagged

1. How tall are you? 1.58 m

2. What color and style is your hair? Dark brown and straight

3. Which color are your eyes? Dark brown, almost black

4. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I used to wear glasses but I never got used to them so I dropped them, didn't need them that much.

5. Do you wear braces? I should but I'm not.

6. What’s your fashion style? I like formal attire or close to formal: coats, boots, shirts and jeans, maybe a sweater but a thin one. Dresses in summer.

7. What is your name? Mariana, but I prefer to be called Mari

8. When were you born? 21st December 1990

9. How old are you? 32

10. Where are you from/live now? Perú

11. Do you have any siblings and what are their names? Older brother

12. What school/college do you go to? Graduated at the supposedly best uni in Perú but not actually.

13. What kind of student are you? In uni I was a bad a student, like a bit bellow average. In high school I was a very good student most of my life.

14. Do you even like school? I loathed high school. I liked most of my uni years, more because of friends, less because of learning.

15. What are your favorite subjects? Literature, art, music, language, english, french, biology, art history.

16. What are your favourite tv shows? Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul are amazing shows. As for anime, my fave are Yu Yu Hakusho, HunterxHunter 2011, Akatsuki no Yona, Re:Zero, Digimon tamers/02 and those are all I can remember right now.

17. What are your favourite movies? I adore Pride and Prejudice (basic I know), but in general I tend to adore horror movies more like Midsommar, Hereditary and zombie movies in general.

18. What are your favorite books? Dracula, uh... polemyc I know but I will always say HP series and ...I can't remember any other one rn tbh.

19. What is your favourite pass time? Playing videogames but also organizing stuff and fixing stuff around the house

20. Do you have any regrets? Majoring in graphic design.

21. What’s your dream job? character designer...and if I learn how to draw/shade/color better: illustrator.

22. Would you like to get married one day and where? I did get married, I think the places were nice. It was a beautiful church with a gothic design and the reception was in a house on the country side. The house had a vintage colonial style and it was pretty elegant, the garden with the pool looked nice and the decor me and husband chose was top notch.

23. Would you like to have kids one day and how many? I don't earn enough money to have kids but if I got money I would have 2 kids.

24. Are you a girly girl, a regular girl, or more of a tomboy? I was a regular one most of my life? Kinda like comfy type and no make-up. Now I'm girly, I want all the pink and all the make up!

25. Do you like shopping? Just the right amount of time but yeah.

27. What is the most scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? Some guys entered my family home and killed everyone. I even remember feeling the bullet in my stomach and the blood coming out of me before I woke up.

28. Do you have enemies? I have no enemies.

29. Who are your best friends? I'm not so sure, I'm insecure in this field. I used to think I had 3, but idk anymore.

30. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend and what is their name? Husband and he doesn't like his info to be disclosed so I won't name him.

31. What is the biggest lie you have ever told anyone? I'm not a good liar.

32. Do you believe in miracles? Yes

Put your music on shuffle and write down 30 songs that come up without skipping. (How about just 5) 1. Almost Home - mxmtoon 2. That's What I like - Bruno Mars 3. Golden Time Lover - Sukima Switch 4. Helena - My Chemical Romance 5. This is Love - Utada Hikaru

This is the part where you tag 20 people! As for me, if you read this you are tagged! You can tag me if u fill this btw, my anxiety only goes one way.

[gaycey-sketchit]

29 & 30 for the AO3 writer questions 💚

Thank you!!

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh my goodness I didn't realize how much I wrote this year until I was looking through my works to remind myself what I wrote. Anyway I had the time of my life writing my hanahaki disease fic Choking On Love and it shows. I'm really pleased with this passage:

Gary looked at his grandpa miserably. “Have you ever had it?” “No, but I’ve known a few people who have.” He rested a hand on Gary’s. “That’s why I’ve always told you it’s not healthy to bottle up your feelings. When you do, sometimes they manifest in ways that hurt more than talking about it would.” “I didn’t know you meant it literally,” Gary groaned. “All the same, listen, Gary.” He gave Gary an affectionate look. “I’ve known since long before you were born that romance isn’t for me, but love in all its forms is a beautiful thing. A beautiful thing that’s hurting you to keep to yourself. Whoever the flowers are for, maybe you should tell them.” “I can’t,” Gary said, voice cracking. “I can’t do that to him. It’d put too much pressure on him, and I might lose him for good if he doesn’t feel the same.” He coughed, and his grandpa patted his back. “And what if he does? Wouldn’t you rather know? How would it make him feel to know you’re hurting yourself like this because you don’t want to risk pushing him?” Gary couldn’t bring himself to answer the first two questions, but unfortunately, he knew the answer to the third. “He wouldn’t like it.” That was an understatement. Tracey was so gentle, it’d break his heart to hear one of his friends was in pain because of him. And even as difficult as he was to offend, he might be angry that Gary had decided to suffer in silence instead of giving him the choice to answer. But still, Gary couldn’t bring himself to do it. Tracey stood to lose so much, and Gary stood to lose Tracey. He blinked back tears. “Isn’t there another option?” “There’s a surgery, but it’s risky. You have a whole root system in your chest, tangled into your lungs and heart, and getting that out is dangerous.” He pulled Gary close, protectively. “You’re old enough to make your own decisions, but please think carefully before you go through that.” “I will. It’s just…” Gary buried his face in his grandpa’s shoulder, feeling like a scared little kid. “It hurts. I’m scared, Grandpa.” “I know,” he soothed. “Don’t think about it for now. I’m here for you no matter what, sapling.”

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

After I stressed myself out a lot with perfectionism last year, I decided to ease up on it, and I surprised myself with just how much I managed to write for Sicktember when I wasn't getting lost in the weeds of like, editing the same paragraph over and over. And with how much I still liked my writing when I wasn't trying so hard to make everything perfectly polished! No regrets with that decision.

[heartofgoldenlight]

Your Brightness - Modern Ruhn Danaan x Reader Smut

The night was busy. There were drunk people all over the place. They were flying balls and broken glass. But that don’t effect me. As long as everyone isn’t murdered or isn’t complaining thing are good. But not that good. There was one person ruining my peace. Ruhn Danaan. The son of the biggest business man in the area. With his long shiny,black hair tied up in a bun. Loose grey t-shirt and black pants he was more than attractive. He looked like a greed god but in human clothes. And this greek god tried to talk to me several times this evening. Maybe I shouldn’t be that bitchy with him. He raised his hand to make order but before I could even react someone screamed. I looked around and saw some random big guy hitting woman. She was on the floor crying from his slap. I jumped over the bar and went to them.

-Hey what do you think your doing in my bar big men- I said with a sarcastic tone while trying to get the woman up. Her makeup was running down her now little purple cheek.

-I am giving this whore a lesson that she has to obey me!

-NO I DON’T HAVE TO!-she was with surprisingly loud voice.

-Ah you little….

-For gods sake. I know that you are some big,muscular guy that probably thinks that everything is revolving around him, but guess what. I MY BAR EVERYONE IS FREE AND NO ONE HAS TO OBEY NO ONE!!!

-Ohhh so you are going to give my attitude too. You stupid woman..-he raised his hand in ready to hit me. In this woman something broke. I looked around and saw that Ruhn throwed his glass at the big gus head and that made a little scratch. In matter of seconds Ruhn whet to him and some amazing moves the guy was on the floor. Blood was running down his lips and nose. Ruhn bet down to him and said something that made him open his eyes in fear. He immediately stand up and left the bar without a word.

-Now if someone here tries to touch any woman like this believe you will regret the fact that you were born. -he said with little smirk on his face while watching the group of friends of that guy. They all noded nervously. He turned to us.

-Are you okay miss?

-Yes,yes I am okay. Thank you both. Now I can go home don’t worry about me. My friend is coming to pick me up.

-Are you sure I can drive after I finish here.

-No,no thank you both. Thank you very much.-with the woman runes out of the bar.

-Sorry but can we talk in the back for a sec?-I said looking in his beautiful eyes that were cold electric blue but had something very warm in them.

-Yes of course!

We went to the small room behind the bar which was something like a little hotel room with bed television and table.

-Why did you stand up for us?-I said while closing the door behind us.

-No man can ever treat woman like this. I just could help but make him fell miserable. And plus that I couldn’t see him treating you like this.

-What do you mean?

- I mean maybe you don’t know me but I am one year ahead in college with I was liked you. Your brightness. People had believe in you. Trusted you. That’s why I started coming here more often and didn’t lose hope even when you didn’t show interest in talking with me.

-You really… really think this ?

-Of course I do.

In this moment he looked even more handsome than before. In this moment I just went with the flow. I got to him and kissed him. Straight,hard without warning. He kissed me back and his hands lates on my body perfectly. They started exploring my back,then my hips,than my ass. My hands went to his soft hair and strong shoulders. We went back and hit the edge of the table. Ruhn quickly change the position and I was the one pressed to the edge.

-You sure you want this little bunny?

-I am sure…

-And your sure you want me to fuck you on the table?

-Mhmmh……..

I don’t him to talk I want him doing other thing with that mouth. I managed to take his shirt off…

-You sure you…….

-For gos sake Ruhn you can do much more good things with this mounts. Just shut up and fuck me.

With this he went ballistic. In matter of second my crop and bra went on the floor. He made me bend backwards on the table and he got rid of my bottom too. He looked at my naked body and at my red bikini. He crouched down and got rid of them too. He looked at my now exposed pussy and licked lips. Without doubting he kissed my clitor. I skaked. He started sucking and licking. He was going in and out of me non stop. His hands were on both my things pinching probably making bruises. I saw worlds in front of me. And this world was soon going to crash.

-Ruhn….ruhn….. i am going to….to……come.

-Only if you come with my name on your lips honey.-and then he stopped. I could take it. I started screaming

-RUHN!RUHN!!!!!

With a little smile he started licking and sucking even harder. In matter of moments I came crushing down. My legs were shaking. My hands were scratching Ruhn’s shoulders. He licked every last drop of me. I started breathing heavily. I just came but I was needing him.

-Ruhn,ruhn…

-Yes bunny-he said standing up.

-Please…..

-Please what?

-Please fuck me.

He smiled. That smile made me wet again. He got rid of his pants and boxers. I stood in shock. It was big,massive and erected. My mouth watered like my pussy. He smiled even more when he saw my look. He bent over me and started kissing me. I replied with kissing him even harder. His mounts went to my neck then to my breast. Making sure there wasn’t a spot he didn’t kiss.

-So you want me to fuck you?-he said with my breast in his mount.

-Mhmhmm….-I said he bites a little. I let put a moan.

-Use your words bunny!- he squeezed his mount even more. My hands were scratching his back. My legs shaking unstoppably.

-Yes ,yes… I want you to fuck me…hard…on this table….Ahhh…Ruhn….please fuck me…

-That’s it my bunny.

With that he left my breast and stand up. He opens my legs even more and got comfortable. With a slow motion he put his member in me. He slowly went in with every inch. It fetter perfectly.

-Please Ruhn just fuck me already.

I set a beast. He started pounding. Not gentle. Hard. Like he wanted this for too long. His hair got out of his bun. His tattoos were shining on the light. He was filling me and crashing my world. I was close.

-Ruhn….I am……

-Come for me bunny.

I came. My legs started shaking even harder. My hands whitened from the was I was holding the table. I came again screaming his name. Not long after that he came too. His member was twitching inside me. He gently pooled out and carried me to the bed. We both layed down. And looked in each other eyes.

-Ruhn sorry but I have…I have to get up.. my clients.

- Shttt… Calm down little bunny. They probably all went to their homes after what they saw and maybe heard.

He said and winked at me. I laughed. Maybe this night wasn’t going to be only one. Maybe. I smiled again and hugged him. I felt asleep fast.

———————————-

Hello everyone! I hoped you like this I am sorry if there are any wrongs I am sorry just English isn’t my first language. Again I hoped you liked it and have a beautiful day!:)

[bt5bby]

Hello 👋🏻

I will spare you the long reason why this story took me forever… but I finally got it into the editing website I use which was my biggest hurdle for 2 months. 😅 (sorry if it’s a bit disjointed too)

Anyway, here is Namjoonie’s story… Lonely.

Warning ⚠️ - Graphic child birth, Mpreg, mentions of rape and sexual slavery(kinda), mention of threats/violence, sick children.

————————————————————————

Namjoon heaved against the bed posts. His body was ready to give in and pass out, but he knew he couldn't. He had to continue to work hard, holding his legs in the correct position and using all his strength.

Oh, how he wished he had someone else here. He didn't want to do this alone. He wanted someone holding his hand, encouraging him, telling him how well he was doing and that it was nearly over. He wished he didn't have to do this in his crappy apartment, hours away from anyone he knew.

He wanted to be at a hospital, safe and secure. People tell him what to do and how to do it. He wanted to ensure everything would be ok, but he wasn't at a hospital. He didn't have anyone around him to help, and he didn't know if everything was ok. He was alone, giving birth to his baby in a dank apartment in a city far away from his home.

He screamed again, feeling the pain of a contraction. He had been at it for hours, pushing as hard as he could but not finding any real progress. When the pain stopped, he laid his head back again, struggling to catch his breath between sobs.

All he could do was cry. Cry and wait for the next contraction, which wasn't far away, and then start pushing again. The pain was worse than he imagined, but he was determined to do this. He chose to keep his baby, and now he would bring it to life, even if it killed him.

He pleaded with it internally as if the baby could hear him while in his body. 'Please come out. I can't take much more!' He screamed again, the next contraction clenching his muscles to push the baby out of his body.

Before he was in the mid stages of his labour, he walked around the house, thinking just how lucky he was that his baby was tiny. The nurse he saw last told him that he was a bit underweight.

Namjoon regretted doing all he could to ensure his baby was born at an average weight for those last two months. He was sure that the baby must have grown into a bowling ball or something because as he felt the head starting to push his hole open, he swore he nearly tore it in half.

The scream that left his mouth was so shrill he was sure it had set off the dog 10 blocks over. Namjoon was just thankful that the place he lived in was so poor that none cared enough to call the police. They would all just ignore him.

With the next push, Namjoon felt his hole stretch around the broadest part of the baby's head. He must be so close to crowning. Namjoon was sure he could feel the top of the baby's head on the next push. He wept more, hearing another ding from his phone beside him.

He had turned off all GPS and signals, routing the location to a different place every few days to make it look like he was constantly moving, but he kept it on. He had never changed his number, just in case he needed something. Just in case he decided to go back.

The noise drew his attention away momentarily, and he looked at the phone. As much as he had it, he didn't really use it. In fact, it had been several weeks since he unlocked it. He didn't need to do everything he could on his phone; he could do it on his laptop, which was much harder to track. He looked at the phone screen light up, seeing a message from another of his old band members.

They had been piling up for a long time, showing all on the notifications board on his phone. Six individual chats pinging away over time. He had read each one and never replied, but he read them all. They made his heart hurt every time, but he wouldn't stop. He liked to torture himself. He cried a little harder reading the message from his friends.

"I still don't even know if you are reading these, but it makes me feel better." The text read. "I don't know what happened, and I don't know why, but know that wherever you are, I'm always here, right where you left me."

Namjoon screamed again, the next contraction ripping through his body again. He sent a hand down to feel between his legs, the baby's head was now sticking out slightly, and he could feel the hair on its head. "I miss you, and wherever you are, I hope you're safe and happy." He finished.

Namjoon hiccuped his sobs from his chest. He tried so hard to calm his breathing, but now the added stress of the message really made him feel lightheaded. Just thinking about the boy made Namjoon's heart flutter.

He was at a loss for words, but that could have been the intense pain making him numb to all thinking. He mentally replied to the message, pouring his heart out until the next contraction came. This time Namjoon pushed his very hardest. He felt slightly more determined to get his baby out.

The boys had always strengthened him, even when they weren't there. With the force of the push, he managed to get most of the head out. He felt a tear as the baby reached the widest part of its skull, but he powered through it. It didn't even hurt, not compared to the rest of it. He doubled down, his contractions seeming much quicker after such a hard push, the pressure coming again.

Namjoon felt the baby's nose pop out, pushing past his tight rim. He was also relieved that the baby hadn't inherited his chin. He barely felt it pop out. Once the whole head was out, Namjoon gave himself a rest. He had seen many birth videos online, and most of them got the mother to wait after pushing the head out, not pushing in that contraction, but god, was it hard.

Every fibre in his body pleaded with him to get the big intrusion out of his body. "Ok, just a few more." He cheered to himself out loud.

He breathed through the first contraction, struggling to keep his pushes at bay, but he did it. Now it was time for the baby to get the fuck out. He pushed as hard as he could. He gently turned the baby, angling the shoulders to not hurt the arms.

Namjoon had been mortified when he saw some babies come out with dislocated shoulders. He couldn't let that happen. He would keep his baby safe.

The final contractions really hit hard for the once-great leader. He screamed for the next three, pushing as hard as possible. He felt the small baby slide out of his body, and a loud wail erupted from the tiny creature.

Namjoon sobbed a little harder, hearing his baby. He wasn't sure if it was relief or just his emotional outlet, but when he reached forward and picked the blood-covered thing up, he and it just sat for a few minutes, crying.

The new father took a few deep breaths to calm himself down and started to rock his baby. He still wasn't finished yet, and he knew it. He had to push the placenta out, cut the umbilical cord and make sure he wasn't bleeding to death all before he could stay with his baby, but calming them down for a few seconds wouldn't hurt.

He waited until the crying died and then sat the small thing to his side on a towel he had placed beforehand. He wrapped them up, so they were warm and then went back to pushing the placenta out. It took him another few minutes, but once he was sure it was mostly out, he used the cord to pull the rest, letting out a tiny wail once it left his body. He was so sore. Everything ached, and he was so tired.

All he wanted to do was cry. Cry and hug his baby and have someone hug him. God, he missed his friends and his family. He didn't want to be alone, but he had to. The baby let out another whimper, and he quickly picked it back up. He'd come to realise he was never alone.

Finally, he could have a good look at his little bundle. He looked down at the baby, cooing instantly. The small little nose, soft lips, and puffy eyes were all adorable to him. He moved the towel to get a good look at the baby.

He had never found out the gender when he got his scan. He felt bad for neglecting the health problems of not checking the baby properly, but he couldn't risk going to the hospital more than once.

They would report him if they picked up on who he really was. He would have to go back, and he couldn't. So now was the first time he would know his baby's gender. He took a deep breath, trying not to think about how creepy it felt to look at his baby's privates purposefully and look.

He let out a happy cry seeing his baby girl. He had a little girl. He moved her closer to his chest, making sure she remained warm. "Hello, baby." He chuckled wetly. "It's nice to finally meet you. I'm your Appa."

He didn't know whether to call himself an Appa, but he couldn't see himself as anything else. This wasn't supposed to be his life, but with his little girl in his arms, he couldn't regret it.

-

It took Namjoon a few days to get used to life with a baby now. It was hard for him because he was doing it alone.

He was sleep deprived, hungry from not having time or energy to go out to get food for himself, and a bit grotty because nipping off to shower couldn't happen, but he was trying his best. He had been sore the first two days, just staying around his room, looking after the baby and laying in bed.

He couldn't really do much anyways because he couldn't leave. He barely kept the two alive for the first week, but things felt better for the second week.

He set the little girl down for a sleep on the seventh day and quickly nipped in for a shower. The feeling of water on his skin was amazing but short-lived, as he had to get back out before she woke up. He ordered groceries online and delivered them to the apartment, and once he managed all that, he got a good night's sleep. His little girl had been wonderful the whole time.

He was so happy with her until the third week arrived. It started off on the Tuesday night of the third week. The little thing seemed fussy throughout her dinner, making Namjoon anxious.

She didn't have much, and then she was quiet until the two had been asleep for about 35 minutes. A loud wail emitted from her tiny lungs, alerting her Appa.

Namjoon shot awake, bolting to the baby. "Hey, honey, what's wrong?" He cooed, picking her up. He checked her nappy, seeing if it needed to be changed. No, so he figured she was hungry again. She hadn't eaten before, so he tried to feed her, but she didn't take to that either. He frowned. Maybe she needed to burp again?

He laid her over his shoulder, patting her back, but again nothing came up. Finally, he figured she just wanted some soothing. He began to rock her back and forth, swaying his hips to keep her calm. "Shhhh baby, Appa's got you." He said sweetly.

She continued to wail until she was exhausted, pretty much passing out. Namjoon sighed and laid her down in the crib. He wondered what must have been wrong, but he figured maybe she was just fussy tonight. Maybe something disagreed with her. He noted to keep an eye on her the next day and then went back to sleep.

Namjoon started to panic on the third day of this. For the second day, she seemed to be mostly fine like the day before, just a bit whiny. On the third day, however, she really started to fuss.

Right from the moment she awoke at 5 in the morning, she started wailing. Namjoon rushed to her side, quick to soothe her, offering food and cuddles. The baby quieted but never really stopped her whining.

Every little thing seemed to set her off, and she would scream loudly, ensuring everyone on the whole level could hear her.

Namjoon was starting to become stressed and worried. Was there something wrong with his baby? Had he hurt her in some way? He thought he was doing well. He tried his hardest not to become upset but lost the battle.

He managed to get her down for a small nap in the middle of the day, probably out of exhaustion again, allowing him time to calm himself, but it hit its peak at around 6 in the night.

She screamed and screamed, crying and wriggling around in his arms. Her little face was scrunched up, with tears running down her red face. He felt like he had hit a wall, his emotions bursting as he cried. "I'm sorry! I don't know what you need." He sobbed along with her.

He was rocking back and forth again, trying to soothe her with a dummy, but she kept spitting it out.

"I've tried everything." Namjoon pleaded with the baby. He was beyond worried about his little one, the stress eating him inside. The final straw was a loud thumping on the wall beside his bedroom. "Shut that fucking baby up, or I'll come and shut it up for you!" A person yelled. Namjoon only cried harder along with his baby.

Great, even the druggies think he's a bad parent.

He had to do something for her. She was clearly suffering for some reason, and he couldn't fix it alone. He had avoided the hospital at all costs, but now he had to take the risk. He couldn't lose his baby.

Namjoon packed a bag of overnight things for him and the baby and then strapped her into a carrier. He pulled out his phone, which he had turned off for several days, and called for an Uber. He ignored the pings on his phone as he quickly ordered the car to take him to the hospital and then went to the curb to wait.

It was now in the middle of winter, so he wrapped the baby in two blankets while dressing her in a thick onesie, a beanie, little mittens and some thick socks. He pulled the cover-up over the carrier, ensuring no wind blew into her face.

He had an old jacket on. It was a bit tight as he still had a lot of baby fat, but he didn't care about himself. He would take his jacket off if his baby needed more cover.

Thankfully, the man quickly arrived, helping Namjoon strap the car seat in and start to drive. The car was warm inside, so Namjoon pulled the blankets down to try and calm the baby again. Her cries were still loud but not as bad as before.

"Is she ok?" The driver asked worriedly. Namjoon sniffled. "I don't know. I'm gonna take her to the hospital." He admitted. The man nodded, telling Namjoon he would get them there quickly but safely.

Namjoon greatly appreciated it and then went back to comforting his girl. The man kept true to his word, and they were at the hospital no less than 20 minutes later.

Namjoon thanked the man, giving him a nice tip for being so helpful and then rushed into the ICU. He moved to the reception and placed the carrier on the desk. "Hello, how may I help you?" The lady asked.

Namjoon looked at her with a red face and teary eyes. "Hi, I need someone to check up on my baby. She has been crying nonstop all day, and I don't know what she needs. She won't eat as much, only sleeps if she's worn out completely, and she just doesn't stop crying." He rushed, feeling very agitated. He wanted her looked after right now.

"Can you tell me how old she is?" The lady asked, standing up to look in at the small baby, crying in the carrier. "She's just under four weeks old," Namjoon said. "And was she born ok? Early or anything?"

Namjoon didn't know, but he was sure she was born around when she was supposed to be. "She was born around 37 weeks." He admitted. The lady said that was fine.

She looked over at the little one, not seeing anything wrong, but she could tell that the crying wasn't just a hungry or tired cry.

"Alright, have you been to this hospital before?" Namjoon stilled. He would have to give their information. "No, I haven't." He said.

The lady nodded. "Ok, I'll need you to fill out some forms and get some information about your previous consultant so we can cross-check for a better diagnosis, but I have put you through to the NICU, and they will look after her immediately."

Namjoon nodded thankfully to the lady. He grabbed the board with the forms on it and then followed her to the NICU. A nurse approached them once they entered the wing and took Namjoon's baby from him.

"Follow me, sweetie. I'll check on her." The lady smiled at Namjoon. He did as told and moved into the room, sitting on a chair anxiously as the lady began to assess the baby. "You fill out those forms, and I'll do a quick exam of this little one." She smiled down at the little girl.

Namjoon nodded and hesitantly began to fill the forms out. He knew he would have to show ID, so lying was pointless. He really just wanted his baby to be ok. He filled the form out quickly and then placed it to the side, moving to stand by his child.

"She seemed to have shallow breathing. Did you say she was born early?" The lady asked. Namjoon shook his head. "I'm fairly sure she was born around 37 weeks." The lady frowned. "And you said that she hasn't been feeding right either?" Namjoon nodded.

"She'll take for a little while and then stop. She's only had like 3 feeds in the last day." Namjoon worried. The nurse nodded and looked back down, putting on her stethoscope and listening to the baby's breathing. "How long has she been like this?" She asked.

Namjoon sighed. "She started to fuss two days ago, but only today has she been really bad. She ate fine most of the time, maybe briefly, but then stopped today."

The nurse took a mental note and then stood up. "It seems like she's got some respiratory problems. I'll need to take an X-ray of her chest to make sure nothing is stuck. I'll start her on some oxygen to keep her breathing normal. I'll need to ask some questions about your birth and history." The lady said.

Namjoon felt anxious, but he had to find out what was wrong. He would give all the information he needed to get his baby girl healthy again. The nurse left to set up the oxygen machine and hand in the forms Namjoon had filled out.

-

The nurse in reception filled out the information in the system. She looked over the previous physician's list and found it empty. She frowned, wondering why he would have left it empty. "I'm going back in now. Can you page me when the X-ray is available?" The other nurse said. The lady nodded and went back to her job.

-

Namjoon watched as the lady taped a breathing tube onto his baby's face, keeping the tube in her nose. "This will help. Then we can discover the main problem once she's back to normal breathing." The nurse smiled calmly at Namjoon, making him feel better. He thanked her, relieved.

"So, I have some questions about what might be wrong." Namjoon nodded and looked at the lady. "The birth, was it problematic in any way?" Namjoon hung his head.

"Yes, it was quite stressful." He admitted. The lady nodded. "Was there anything wrong with her at the time? No breathing problems. The cord wasn't around her throat?"

"No, she was fine when she was born." The lady scrunched her nose, thinking for a moment. "What did the doctor say at her first check-up?" She asked. Namjoon awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at his girl.

"She hasn't gone for a check-up. This is her first one." He knew it sounded bad, but they had been doing well... The lady looked at him concerned.

"She was supposed to have a check at 3-5 days? Didn't your previous doctor tell you that when you got released after the birth?" Namjoon shook his head. "I had her at my house. T-there wasn't a nurse there." He made his tone soft, nearly a whisper.

"What?" She asked, a bit surprised at what she thought she had heard. "I had her by myself at my house. I couldn't make it to a doctor." The nurse was stunned. She wondered how the man had managed all by himself and why he hadn't taken the baby to a hospital sooner.

"I can't really afford it." He lied. He could afford it but didn't want to get turned in.

The nurse gave him a sympathetic look and then repeated the questions. "So would you say it was a hard birth? Sometimes a stressful birth can cause problems." The lady said. Namjoon shrugged shamefully.

He had never given birth before, so he didn't know if it was hard. "I'm sorry, I'm still new to all of this." He felt bad for not being more of a help.

The lady shook her head. "It's alright. The X-rays will give me a good hint at what is going on." She smiled. Namjoon nodded and relaxed, the lady leaving him until she had to come back for the X-rays.

He moved over to the seat by his baby, looking at her now calm little face. She was fast asleep, probably tired from being up for so long. He, too, decided to get some shut-eye, dozing off in the chair.

About half an hour later, the lady returned to the room, waking Namjoon up to go for the test. He stayed with his little girl the whole way, ensuring she was ok.

The lady was very happy with her behaviour throughout the procedure, giving her a little stuffed toy to sleep with. Namjoon smiled happily as his little girl was just about the same size as the teddy bear she was given.

"It will take a little while for the results to check them over. You can both return to the room. I'm sure you'll want a rest." Namjoon thanked the nurse again, returning to the room for more sleep.

He fed his little girl just before putting her to sleep again and then dozed himself. They managed a good two hours before the nurse came to get him.

"Thankfully, we have found nothing serious. I let you guys have a bit longer to sleep, knowing that you might need it." She smiled. Namjoon was incredibly thankful.

"She has asthma. It's not a bad case, either. It is probably just worse because of the cold. She will get prescribed a puffer and spacer. I'll teach you how to use it if you don't know. Give her one to two puffs when you think her breathing is getting shallow, and she should be good."

Namjoon sighed in relief. He could cry hearing the news. In fact, he did. Fat tears started to spill out of his eyes.

"She's not dying." He breathed heavily, burying his face into his hands with a relieved chuckle. The lady moved closer and touched his back, reassuringly rubbing it.

"No, your baby girl is just fine. In fact, apart from asthma, she's very healthy. She could be much worse from what you said about the birth." Namjoon looked up at the lady. "You're doing a great job at taking care of her." She smiled, and Namjoon couldn't hold the need to hug the girl back. He jumped off the bed and wrapped her in a hug.

The nurse chuckled and patted his back again. "Thank you so much." He sniffled, moving away once he realised how inappropriate he was being.

"It's ok. I assume it's stressful to be a new parent, especially a single one." She said with a soft smile. Namjoon nodded, slightly ashamed, but he knew she wasn't judging him. "Once I fill out the prescription, you both can go home." She smiled.

Namjoon was beyond ready to head back to his house. He was so happy that the lady was so nice, but he didn't want to risk being out in public more than necessary.

About an hour later, Namjoon said goodbye to the nurses and took his baby home. The kind lady smiled and waved him off before turning back to the other nurse at the desk.

"So we just send his reference to the outpatients." She said. The nurse nodded and brought up his file. Her face fell slightly, and she looked back to the nurse. "Wait, is that his name?" She asked.

"Yeah, Namjoon. Why?" She furrowed her brow at the weird reaction. "He's part of a missing persons case. We have an alert to look out for him." The nurse looked back out the glass windows after Namjoon. She felt bad for the guy. She didn't know the reasons for his life. Maybe he was kidnapped, maybe he was raped or domestically assaulted.

"We have mandatory reporting." The other lady said, looking sad as well. Both ladies sighed, knowing there was nothing they could do. It was law, and they had families to look after.

-

Namjoon had been having a much easier time with his little girl now. Just before she went to sleep, he would give her two puffs of the inhaler and ensure she was snuggled up in warm blankets. He bought an air humidifier to help with the cold air as soon as possible.

His little girl had been doing fine. He managed another week by himself with no problems until the crying returned. He worked through the first night, rocking her gently and calming her down.

He decided to sleep in the chair beside her cot that night, knowing she always slept better when he was around. He wondered whether she could sense his presence. Maybe she just needed to be with her daddy.

However, his idea was spoiled the next night when she wouldn't calm down, even when he held her. "No, please don't start this again. Appa is trying his hardest." Namjoon sighed, feeling his own emotion bubbling again.

He rocked, changed, fed, and gave her her puffer, yet she still wouldn't stop crying. "I'm sorry I'm not a good parent. I'm sorry I can't fix this." He cried again. He couldn't stop the thoughts if only he had help.

-

"Are you sure this was the address?" Jin asked, eyeing the building. It was run down and creepy looking. They had already heard 3 different sirens going off in the last 10 minutes, indicating how bad the neighbourhood was.

"Yes, this is where the investigator said he was." Yoongi sighed. The six boys all gave each other a nervous look and then headed into the stairwell to go up the floors.

"There isn't even an elevator? What type of place is this?" Taehyung whined as they approached the second set of stairs. Jungkook rolled his eyes at his lazy Hyung, joking about the older wanting the others to carry him up the stairs.

"Don't tempt me." Tae quipped back as they started onto the third set of stairs.

"God, Namjoon Hyung had to do this every day?" Jimin questioned as they topped the third. The others all shrugged, finding it not hard, just annoying.

"We still don't know this is him," Yoongi said cautiously. He didn't want to be a downer but wouldn't get his hopes up. They had been looking for Namjoon for the last 5 months. It had been a rough time, and hope could only last them so long. "Let's not hold our breath." He warned, finally coming to the top of the fourth stairs.

He looked around at the fifth floor they were now on. It was dinky and smelt of cigarettes and piss. He couldn't believe that their leader would live in a place like this. They all took a deep breath and then moved to the 5th apartment.

This was the address the investigator had given him, and as much as this place was horrible, he fucking hoped it was right. Only so many times can you tell yourself that it doesn't hurt.

They approached the door, silence among them. "I'm sorry I'm not a good parent. I'm sorry I can't fix this." A voice echoed through the paper-thin door. They could hear the sound of a loud baby crying, but they all were only focused on Namjoon.

"T-that voice... it's familiar." Hoseok whispered just loud enough that they all heard. The others all agreed, which made them all even more anxious. "There's nothing I can do! I'm failing." The voice called again with loud hiccups and sobs.

"Joon-!" Jungkook tried to call, but Jin put his hand over his mouth. "Shhh, don't yell. You'll scare him away." They remained quiet momentarily, hoping they hadn't given themselves away.

"God, I think I'm going crazy." A chuckle came from inside the apartment. "I can hear them. Your uncles. They always come to me when I need them." The boys' hearts ached to hear their leader talk about them.

"I miss them with all my heart." He said. "And I'm sorry you won't ever know how much they would have loved you." He sniffled again. "You would have been the light of their lives like mine."

All the boys had the exact same thought at that moment. Jimin, closest to the door, rushed forward and gripped the handle. He was surprised when the door opened, making a mental note to scold Namjoon about locking the doors later.

All six rushed in, finding the big leader looking up stunned in the middle of the floor.

The apartment Namjoon rented wasn't very big. It was a small studio apartment, but that's all he needed. He was trying to save money for the baby's later life, so the small room was enough for a single parent.

He had been crying on the floor with his baby in his arms when he heard his door burst open. He gasped and looked up, expecting to find a bunch of robbers or maybe busy police doing a search of the building. He did not expect to see the six boys he was talking about.

His eyes were so wide he was sure they would pop out of his head. Everything froze, and his little girl must have sensed a change in the room because she had stopped crying.

"Joonie?" Jin asked, looking at the tall boy on the floor with a baby in his arms.

Namjoon didn't want to move, scared that anything he might do would be wrong. He wholeheartedly wanted this to be his friends, his favourite people coming to find him, but he knew this wasn't good. This would make things so much worse.

"It's us, Namjoon-ah," Yoongi said softly, putting his arms out to show he meant no harm. Namjoon didn't need to swallow to feel the lump in his throat. It was so big that he almost thought it was blocking his breathing, but he knew that wasn't true. He was blocking his own breathing. "You can't be here." He choked out after more silence. The six boys looked at him cautiously.

"But we are. We are here for you." Jimin smiled, trying to show Namjoon their love, but the leader shook his head. He felt his tears returning, and he was positive he couldn't stop them. His whole body began to shake as he looked at the six.

"You have to leave. You have to leave." He chanted a few times with a fragile voice. "Please go away." He turned back down to his baby and held her closer.

"Hey Joon, it's ok. We aren't going to judge you." Hoseok reassured the boy, thinking he was nervous over the baby, but Namjoon kept rocking himself, telling them to go away. He pulled the small baby to his chest and tried to curl in on himself.

"If I close my eyes, you'll go away." He mumbled. The boys were concerned that he wasn't as mentally stable as once.

"Namjoonie, we aren't going anywhere. We just found you again." Jin said, trying to keep his voice happy and hopeful.

"Please, Hyung," Jungkook said. "We can go home now." Namjoon shot his head up, looking at the youngest.

"I can't go home. I can never go home." He said, his voice very clear and low.

Everyone was a bit stunned by the sudden firmness in his voice. "Why not Joon-ah?" Yoongi asked. He made the first attempt to get closer to the boy. He crouched down and went to rest a hand on Namjoon's shoulder, but the boy flinched away.

"Somebody did this to you, didn't they?" Taehyung asked, watching the leader intensely. It seemed obvious that Namjoon had been forced into something he didn't want. "Who did this? We can help you." Tae encouraged, joining Yoongi by the leader.

Namjoon shook his head and held his baby tighter. She fussed slightly at the tight grip, so Namjoon quickly let go again.

"Who hurt you, Namjoon? We will find them and make them pay." Jimin's face was stone cold. His voice was laced with venom. He was ready to beat whoever hurt his leader, friend, and brother.

"No, no, I can't. He said he'd hurt you if I did." Namjoon choked on another sob, starting to work himself up again.

"He can't hurt us, Hyung. We will find him and make him pay for hurting you." Jungkook held a fist up, showing that he meant to use it. There was silence for a moment, waiting for Namjoon to answer. "We are going to help you, Joonie. We will fix this. I'll take a DNA test of that baby to fix this if I have to." Jin said. Once again, Namjoon hugged the baby closer, thinking about his baby being used against him.

"Tell us who did this." Yoongi finally managed to touch the boy without him flinching away. He held his chin, lifting his face to look into his eyes.

"It started last year." He said, looking straight into Yoongi's eyes, though the rapper could tell he wasn't focused.

"Mr Lee approached me after dance and said I was falling behind." Namjoon's voice shook as he told his friends his biggest secret. "He offered me extra time to dance, and I wanted to be better for you all." He blinked a few times, trying to keep his tears away. "It didn't happen until the fourth time I stayed back." He could feel the tension from the rest of the group, so he kept his eyes on Yoongi. "I went to the bathroom after I finished the extra practice when he came in. I freaked out at him, telling him he was a weirdo for barging in when he knew I was there, but he just laughed at me. He pushed me against the wall of the cubical and started to touch me." Namjoon's voice broke the more he spoke. "I tried hard to fight back but was tired after all the practices. He had been making me stay back so he could wear me out, and then he struck when I was weakest." Namjoon took a moment, collecting his thoughts before he continued again. "After he raped me, he took pictures of me and said if I told anyone, he would leak them. I was so scared, so I didn't do anything." Namjoon felt ashamed. His pride had gotten him into this mess. "Eventually, I told him that I didn't care anymore. I wouldn't put up with this, but then Tae fell down the stairs, Jin Hyung nearly got hit with the sandbag on stage, and Hobi got the knife in the mail." The boys' eyes all widened, looking at Namjoon. "He said he would hurt you all if I told anyone." Finally breaking eye contact with Yoongi, Namjoon hung his head, looking down at his daughter. "Then, on the 5th of May, I found out I was pregnant. I told him I would get rid of the baby, but he told me not to. He said he would hurt everyone if I got rid of the baby, and then he told me to run away. He wanted me gone." Namjoon felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't look up.

"Joonie, you didn't have to protect us," Jin said, his voice weak.

"He got into our house once, he left death threats for Jimin, but I got them first. I couldn't risk letting you all get hurt." Namjoon sniffled, seeing how sad his friends looked at his sacrifice for them. "He could have done anything to us when we slept when we weren't home. I couldn't risk it." Namjoon looked up. "Not once I had my baby."

The others all gathered around him close. They hadn't forgotten the seriousness of the conversation, but they knew not to push too hard. Taehyung got down on his knees, looking at the small girl. "What's her name?" He asked with a kind smile. He touched her foot, giving it a cute little shake.

Namjoon frowned and looked down at her. "I...I haven't named her yet." He admitted.

"What? Why not?" Jimin furrowed his brows at the father. The baby must have been a few weeks old by then, and she still didn't have a name.

"I don't know. I couldn't think of a name for her. They all made me sad. Wondering if I was picking the right one for her to have her whole life."

Namjoon looked at her soft little face. She had finally drifted off to sleep, calm from the people surrounding her. "I didn't have anyone to tell me whether it was a good name." The leader shrugged. There was silence again for a moment until the youngest spoke.

"What about Sook-sun?" Namjoon looked to Jungkook, contemplating the name. "It means pureness for Sook and goodness for Sun. It would be pure goodness." The suggestion warmed Namjoon's heart.

He thought about it for a while, looking back at his baby. He gave a small chuckle when her nose wiggled in her sleep. "Sook-sun. I love it." He smiled brightly. Jungkook grinned at the two, happy to be able to help.

"It's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl," Jin said, placing a hand on Namjoon's shoulder. "She is pure goodness to us all," Tae added.

Namjoon felt his heart soar. His friends were amazing. Not even knowing about the little baby for more than an hour, they all looked down at her with endless love.

"You're an amazing parent Joon-ah." Hoseok admired the leader's skill. "She's such an amazing little human already." He added, happy to be able to make Namjoon smile wider. "We won't let her be alone again, and neither will you," Jimin said strongly.

The tone of the voice made shivers run down Namjoon's back. "We are going to sue that man for everything he's worth. You're coming home with us, and we aren't accepting no." Yoongi insisted, crossing his arms, so they knew he really meant it.

"H-how can I go back?" Namjoon asked quietly. "I can't be in the band with a baby. Not to mention I've lost all talent I had. I'll be right back at square one." Namjoon sighed, but the others scoffed.

"Lost your talent? As if you ever could." Hoseok chuckled at the stupid words of the leader. "Joon-ah, you have more talent in your little finger than anyone else could." Namjoon looked up with sparkling eyes. He hated that he wanted to cry once again, but his hormones were still a mess. "Nothing could stop us from wanting you to come back, Hyung. We will all help you with Sunni." Namjoon smiled at his baby's nickname already.

"We will work everything out." Taehyung looked at the others, seeing them all agreeing with him. They would bring Namjoon home...

Because they would never leave him behind. They found him now, and he wasn't going anywhere again. They were always 7.