#my big piece of advice on the situation is that if you're worried about how your parents will react is that it's never a bad thing to keep | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chaifootsteps · 4 months

Note

Rewrite of the Seeing Stars episode :

Instead of the Episode kicking off on Stolas' side of the story, have it start on Blitz and Loona's argument. Have Blitz wait a few hours before looking for her after she stormed off only to find out Loona had packed her stuff and left their home. Have him worry and look for clues before realising the Grimoire was also gone. He doesn't hesitate, he knows he'd be in big trouble and the whole situation would be more awkward after what went down at Asmodeus but he doesn't care, and calls Stolas to ask for his help. Stolas doesn't answer his phone right away which was strange but Blitz chalked it up to what went down a few days prior. Stolas picks up after a few rings

"Blitz, I don't know what you're calling me for but you have no idea how much this came at the right time. There's a dozen of things I want to tell you, I know I have to tell you, but right now I need your help. Octavia, my daughter... I think she ran away from our home. I need you and your team to cover more ground than I could in Hell to find her. I think she went to an event, something big happening today. I don't know where but it's at nighttime and... She's gonna stay out all alone that late. Who knows the number of people who'd try harming her for being my daughter... Loo Loo Land was a close call on more than one time and she doesn't have half of my magic powers-..."

Blitz relates to Stolas' predicament and reassures him that he'll send M & M's to check on the biggest teen hot spots in Hell for him. They got a big contact list from all the places Loona often started brawls at... He then drops a bomb on Stolas about the Grimoire and how he thinks Loonie used it to head to Earth and how he needs to find his daughter before anything bad happens to her too. Stolas agrees to help Blitz because, the sooner his hellhound daughter is found, the more people could help find his daughter. Loona's sense of smell could help retrace Via's steps ! (He'll bring a few of her belongings with them on their trip to Earth so she'll start right away once they find her!)

They make their trip to Earth and land in Los Angeles where they get mistaken for some human super stars. Blitz is about to explain that this is a big misunderstanding to these folks when Stolas gets a genius idea : If they perform together well enough, they could use the TV broadcast to send a message to Loona, convince her to return back home and get her to meet somewhere so they'll all be able to go back to Hell. Blitz has left his acting career way behind him but for the sake of Loona, he'd have another go at it, no questions asked. It was a bit hard at the start but he found his footing again and gives some pieces of advice to Stolas while at it. They perform well enough but Stolas suddenly gets very distracted during break time and nearly blows their cover... It's because during break time an announcement was made for tonight's big event : Meteor shower. While he rummaged through the few things he brought with him from Via's room, he took out the calendar and finally understood that the date circled was tied to an event not in Hell but on Earth. (Cue to the Stolas and Via flashback from the start of the canon episode here)

Their daughters were actually together on Earth.

So how did things go on Octavia and Loona's side of the plot this whole time in this rewrite ? Octavia couldn't really go around Hell as a Goatia so she was disguising herself as a normal hellborn all the way to I M P to get the Grimoire from there and was basically using that fake identity when she crossed paths with Loona. She knew how to use the Grimoire better than her and decided to make a deal with her : They go to Earth together and in exchange, she'll show her a cool place there... Loona isn't convinced. Octavia pulls out a wad of cash from her shadow hammer space and says the expenses will be all on her. Loona is convinced.

They genuinely have a good time together in their girls' day out, discovering Los Angeles, going on restaurants but eventually Blitz and Stolas' broadcast reaches them and while Loona's surprised, Octavia runs off to the Observatory before Loona notices her being gone... Loona finds her and Via starts off by apologising for lying to her this whole time. She then explains her situation with her family and why she ran away. Loona does the same. Octavia adds that she left before Stolas could finish his apology because she learnt his routine. He pretends to care about her, messes up big time or doesn't notice her discomfort, goes after her when she runs away and apologises... Only to do this all over again. At this point she knows he just apologises to feel better about himself without realizing what he needs to apologize for or knowing what wrong he did to her. "It's the same thing here : He really doesn't know what he did wrong. He just apologised for show... Heh. Literally on live TV." ... But Loona tells her it's not the case this time. She knew she'd find her at the Observatory because Stolas said he'd join her there himself. "High ground, no trees, little to no city lights, ... All for the most perfect view."

Blitz and Stolas reach the Observatory on time and while Stolas and Octavia are enjoying the meteor shower on the dome in silence, Blitz and Loona have a chat. Blitz tries to apologize but Loona quickly changes the subject to his performance in the sitcom they used for the broadcast. She is... Complimenting him. He is flustered and deeply touched to hear these words and especially from his daughter. She then reveals something to him : She always wanted to be an actress. Sure it's not a job for hellhounds but it has always been something she wanted to do herself.

This is Loona's way of opening up to Blitz after their fight earlier and her rather standoffish, closed off attitude and why she hates working a desk job (even if IMP is Blitz's dream business come true), really seeming to enjoy herself the most when she is pretending to be someone else, like for the contract kills at Verosika's concert.

The episode ends with Via and Stolas fulling their promise for a dream they share together and on Blitz and Loonie's side, they are making their own promises for the future and are each building their own dreams. The meteor shower seals the new promises and the wishes that go with it

Thank you for the beautiful rewrite. Helluva Boss if it had character bonding and empathy in it.

#Anonymous #helluva boss critical #viv stuff #actual blog post

39 notes · View notes

brokebonewritings · 7 months

Text

All My Battles

Matt Murdock x Reader

Tags: 18+, fluff, slight hurt/comfort, making a home

Summary: A trip back to Bar Harbor creates a summer a new memories as you and Matt renovate your childhood home into a place to spend your future summers. Song: Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckley

Word Count: 3K

Navigation || Series Masterlist

“Don’t worry! We will make sure both your apartments are safe and sound!”

“And we promise no major ragers while you’re away!” Foggy quickly said after Karen’s initial reassurance.

“Ha Ha, You’re hilarious.” You say with a deadpan expression.

Both you and Matt were packing for the summer to go up to your childhood home and fill it with your own furniture. Thanks to your wonderful team of attorneys, you were able to expedite the paperwork of signing the house over to your name.

It was a long battle, but your mom was out of the house at the beginning of the summer. Though it didn't come without a fight. She was very slow at moving the process along until you finally sent Foggy up to Maine with eviction papers.

"I just can't believe it's finally over!" You sigh as you close the trunk of your car.

"I'll drink to that, serving your mom that eviction notice was the best theatrics I've seen in a while, and Marci took me to see Phantom of the Opera last week!"

All three of you laugh, as you wait to finish locking up his apartment. You see him step onto the sidewalk and make his way towards the group.

"Okay, ready to go?" He asks.

"Yep, I just closed the trunk so we're all good here."

Karen is the first to step forward and give you both a big hug. Foggy being the last and stepping away with tears in his eyes.

"Don't you forget about us here in the Big Apple." He says tearfully.

"I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow." You respond playfully.

The man wipes his metaphorical tears, and turns to Karen. "She thinks I'm a Scarecrow."

"Yeah, probably the lack of brains." She snarks.

"Hey!"

This earns another group laugh, as you and Matt get into the car. It was going to be a long summer, but it would be worth it. You get to redecorate your family home, even though you thought the previous decoration was perfect. Your mom took most of the furniture when she moved.

As the car pulls out of the city, leaving behind the familiar hustle and bustle, a sense of sadness fills you. "So, any ideas on what we should do with the place?" you asked, eager to hear his thoughts.

"You're asking the blindman for decoration advice?" He smirks, which pulls a giggle from your chest.

"Well this is gonna be our summer home, so I just want to get an opinion of someone who will be spending every year there."

Matt paused for a moment, his fingers tapping rhythmically on his knee as he contemplated. "Well," he began, "I think we should start by repainting the walls. I know your favorite color is orange."

"You remembered my favorite color?"

"Of course, maybe a soft shade of blue to give it a more serene atmosphere."

You nodded, imagining how the color would transform the space. "And what about the furniture? I know we'll have to buy new pieces, but do you have any specific style in mind?"

"God, just anything without plastic wrap on it." He laughs.

You laugh along with him. "You really hated sitting on that couch."

"It was an overstimulation nightmare."

"Yeah, well, no more plastic-wrapped nightmares," you reply with a grin. "We'll find something comfortable and stylish."

As the two of you continue to discuss ideas for the house, you feel the excitement building up inside you. This summer was going to be a fresh start, not just in terms of your living situation but also in your relationship with Matt. It had been a long journey to get to this point, but now that you were finally together, everything felt right.

The landscape outside transforms from towering skyscrapers to vast green fields and rolling hills. It's as if the world itself is mirroring the sense of calm and new beginnings you feel in your heart.

With the passing hours, you make sure to stop frequently so that you both stretch your legs. Soon enough you enter the Bar Harbor limits and begin to recognize your surroundings.

As you approach your childhood home, memories flood back — running through the fields, chasing fireflies on warm summer nights, and sitting on the front porch with your dad and a big cup of iced tea.

The familiar sight of the white picket fence and the old oak tree in the front yard is a relief to see. It hasn't changed much since you were last here, except for the overgrown grass and faded paint on the house. But that's all about to change.

You and Matt step out of the car, taking a moment to breathe in the crisp sea air. The scent of wildflowers and fresh pine brings a smile to your face. This place holds so many precious memories, and now it's time to make new ones.

"I can't believe we're finally here," you say, your voice filled with wonder.

Matt reaches out to take your hand, his touch grounding you in this moment. "Ready to get to work?" He asks and you reply with a soft 'yes'.

Together, you approach the front door, pulling out the key and inserting it into the lock. The door creaks open as you step inside, dust particles dancing in the sunlight streaming through the large bay windows.

As you make your way from room to room, deciding on furniture layouts and discussing which pieces to buy, the house starts to feel like home. Matt's fingers glide over the surfaces as he senses the textures and dimensions, his uncanny ability to visualize the space turning into an invaluable asset.

The next day you and Matt set to work immediately, armed with paintbrushes and a vision for transforming the old house into your dream summer retreat. The walls soon shed their faded colors and come alive with the soft shade of orange you chose. The air is filled with the scent of fresh paint, invigorating and promising.

Days turn into weeks as you tackle each room with determination. The living room is filled with cozy furniture, perfect for curling up together with a book or watching movies on lazy afternoons. The kitchen becomes a vibrant space, adorned with colorful tiles and filled with the aroma of delicious meals being cooked. And the bedrooms become sanctuaries, personalized with photographs and cherished little touches.

As the final touches are being made, you and Matt stand back to admire your handiwork. The transformation is remarkable, a testament to the love and care you poured into this project. The summer home now radiates warmth and comfort, a haven from the outside world.

You begin to cry as you both stand in the middle of the parlor. Matt's arms wrap around your waist as he pulls you into a tight hug. It was all finally done, and you couldn't feel the overwhelming sense of sadness. The very same you felt as you left the city.

"It's alright, sweetheart. I got you." He whispers as you continue to sob.

You hold onto Matt, feeling his steady presence anchoring you amidst the waves of emotion. The tears flow freely, a mixture of relief, joy, and a bittersweet longing for the old memories that haunted these walls. You couldn't wait to bring your friends and family here in the future summers, and make new memories that were happier than the old.

After a while, the tears subside, and you sniffle, wiping away your damp cheeks with the back of your hand. "I'm sorry," you murmur against his chest.

He pulls back slightly, his hands cupping your face gently. "There's nothing to apologize for," he says softly.

You nod, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. "You're right." You pause, feeling a surge of love radiating from the man in front of you.

"We made it," he says softly, his voice filled with reassurance. "We turned this house into our own little sanctuary."

"I love you," you whisper, burying your face in Matt's chest.

He holds you tighter, his heartbeat reverberating through your body. "I love you too," he replies.

That night you decide to have a picnic on the porch. You turn on the fairy lights, and set the radio to the local classic rock station. As you set up outside, Matt was in the kitchen preparing the meal you both were going to enjoy. Everything was perfect.

As twilight settles in, casting a soft golden glow over the porch, you light a few candles and spread out a cozy blanket. The scent of freshly cut grass mingles with the aroma of the meal Matt has prepared, creating an intoxicating symphony for your senses.

After dinner, you both clean and decide to stay outside for the rest of the evening and bask in the romantic setting you had set up. He notes that he forgot to bring the best part of dinner and runs back inside to grab dessert.

Matt emerges from the kitchen, carrying a basket filled with delicious treats. He carefully sets the basket down and joins you on the blanket, wrapping his arm around you.

"This is amazing," he whispers, his voice filled with awe.

You lean into him, feeling the warmth of his presence enveloping you. "I wanted to create this special moment for us," you say softly, your gaze fixed on the flickering lights.

The two of you spend the evening laughing and reminiscing, savoring each bite of food and each tender moment shared. As the night deepens, you find yourselves lost in conversation under a sky sprinkled with constellations.

Matt's fingers trace patterns on your arm, creating a soothing rhythm that matches the cadence of your conversation. You pause for a moment, overcome by a wave of gratitude. Gratitude for this beautiful night, for the love that fills your heart, and for the journey that has brought you here. You lean in closer to Matt, resting your head on his shoulder.

"I never imagined we would be here," you say softly, your voice filled with wonder. "Creating a home together, filled with love and happiness."

Matt squeezes your hand gently. "Life has a funny way of surprising us," he replies, his voice laced with sincerity. "And I'm grateful for every twist and turn that led us here."

As the hours pass, you find yourselves lost in conversation, delving into topics ranging from childhood dreams to future aspirations. Each word exchanged deepens your connection, solidifying the bond you've built over the years.

Eventually, the conversation mellows into comfortable silence, yet the electricity in the air remains tangible. You nestle closer to each other under the blanket, feeling the warmth of his body seep into yours. With every passing second, it becomes clearer that this is where you're meant to be.

You look up at Matt, gently grabbing his chin and pulling him in for a kiss. As your lips meet, a surge of warmth courses through your veins. The kiss is gentle yet filled with a quiet intensity, a beautiful reflection of the bond you share. Time seems to stand still as you savor the taste of his lips, the feeling of his arms wrapped around you.

When the kiss deepens, you feel a sense of belonging and contentment settle within you. Under the soft glow of the moon, you and Matt continue to share sweet, lingering kisses, each one filled with an unspoken promise.

Eventually you both feel the exhaustion from the long work day, and decide to head inside for the night. Matt is the first one to head inside and as you pick up the blanket and turn off the lights on the porch.

You linger long enough for Matt to come back out and wrap his arms around your waist and kiss your neck lightly. "We have a lifetime of moments like this ahead of us," he says softly. "Come inside now."

Nodding, you follow him back inside for the night. Inside, the house is bathed in a soft, inviting glow. The scent of freshly painted walls lingers in the air, a gentle reminder of the transformation you both undertook together.

Matt leads you upstairs to the bedroom, where the moonlight spills through the open curtains, casting ethereal shadows on the hardwood floor. He pulls back the covers and invites you to slide into bed. You nestle against the plush pillows and feel the weight of the day slowly melt away.

As Matt joins you under the covers, he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. His touch is gentle yet possessive, a silent affirmation of his love for you. The room feels hushed, as if it holds its breath in reverence for the intimacy shared between two souls.

You close your eyes, letting the tranquility of the moment wash over you. The sound of your steady breaths fills the room, creating a soothing rhythm that lulls you closer to sleep.

The day before you leave is filled with eventful commotion as you invite some of your neighbors over for a small barbecue. You and Matt spend the morning setting up the backyard, draping string lights across the trees and arranging tables and chairs.

The aroma of grilled burgers and vegetables fills the air as the food sizzles on the barbecue. You decided to man the grill to give Matt a break from all the cooking he insisted on doing. The neighbors arrive one by one, carrying dishes to share. Laughter and conversation fill the backyard as everyone gathers around, sharing stories and exchanging smiles.

Another car begins to pull into your driveway, and you realize who it is before you see the two figures step out of the vehicle.

"No fucking way" You say as you turn to Matt who has a huge smile spread across his face.

"I called them last night when you went out to pick up dinner." He replies.

You start sprinting towards the car as Foggy steps out and walks around the car. Once he sees you running, he mutters an 'Oh shit' as you jump into his arms. He catches you and spins you a bit before setting you down. You give a gentler hug to Karen.

"I can't believe you guys drove all the way out here!" You say happily.

"We had to come see this house! Especially if we're invited here every summer." Karen says while lightly nudging your side.

Leading your friends to the picnic area, you introduce them to your neighbors and some old friends from high school. The backyard is filled with the joyful chatter of voices, as everyone embraces the sense of community and love that permeates the atmosphere.

As night falls and everyone leaves, the four of you gather around a crackling bonfire, its dancing flames illuminating the faces around you. Matt sits beside you, his hand entwined with yours, as you listen to Foggy telling one of his infamous stories. You all add in little quips to enhance the story as everyone listens and drinks.

The crackling sound of the flames blends with the soft hum of laughter, creating a harmonious symphony of friendship and love. As you look around at the faces illuminated by the fire's glow, you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Gratitude for the unwavering support of your friends, who have stood by you through thick and thin. Gratitude for this beautiful home that has become a haven, a place of solace and happiness. And most of all, gratitude for the love that surrounds you, weaving its way through every moment shared.

As the night wears on and the fire begins to die down, you find yourself lost in a comfortable silence. The embers glow softly, casting a warm light that dances across your friends' faces. Karen leans her head on Foggy's shoulder, while Matt rests his chin on top of your head.

"What a great night, amongst friends." Foggy sighs.

"I'm really glad you guys came out here to see the house." You begin. "It's like this house was built for our family."

"You wouldn't have this house if it weren't for your dad." Matt reminds and you nod in agreement.

"To Tommy!" Foggy says while raising his beer can.

You smile as the rest of you raise your drinks and cheers to your dad. A tear rolls down your cheek, but Matt wipes it away before it's able to fall from your face.

"You know," Karen says, breaking the silence, "your dad would be so proud of you right now. Look at what you've built, what you've overcome. It's truly amazing."

The moment is bittersweet, as the memory of your father tugs at your heart. It's been years since he passed away, but the house stands as a testament to his hard work and love for his family, a symbol of the legacy he left behind.

As the night winds down, you and your friends gather up the empty beer cans and remnants of the barbecue feast. The fire has dwindled to mere embers, casting a soft glow upon the yard.

With a final round of goodnights, Foggy and Karen retreat to their respective rooms. You and Matt finish cleaning in the kitchen and make sure everything is put away before you all leave in the morning.

As you climb into bed, exhaustion weighs heavily on your eyelids. Matt wraps his arms around you, pulling you close and pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. The warmth of his embrace soothes you, easing away the worries and stresses of the day.

"Thank you for everything," you whisper, your voice barely audible.

He tightens his hold on you, his voice filled with affection. "I would do anything for you. You know that."

With a final sigh, you surrender to the gentle embrace of slumber, knowing that tomorrow will bring new adventures and challenges. But for now, in this haven of love and sanctuary, you find solace.

join my taglist!

#matt murdock #daredevil #marvel #fanfiction #fanfiction writer #matthew murdock #netflix daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock fanfiction #fluff #hurt/comfort #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock fic #marvel fanfiction #bones writes

61 notes · View notes

ghostofacrow · 9 months

Text

Crow plays Gubat Banwa Pt 2: The first Violence

I'll have to write this one in two parts because I briefly want to go over my setup, but I don't have time for the battle itself today, especially because I'm sure it'll take longer since I still don't know what I'm doing.

So here it is! The moon is bright tonight, watching over the Kadungganan trying to escape the forest's demon infestation. Unfortunately, they have been cornered by a riverbend - the bridge leading back to the coast has been destroyed, so now the only way out is for these three strangers to beat back the demon hoard advancing on them.

I don't normally like using Tabletop Simulator for roleplaying games - the physics can be a bit wonky and it's really bad for sheet management, but it was the easiest way I could think of to make 3D terrain. The rulebook suggests using colors for terrain height, which is very good (and actually how I do it normally for other games) but having a map in actual 3D, even if it's digital, does look pretty nice.

It helps that I'm playing alone, so sharing sheets isn't nearly as important, and that we're still at legend 0, so there isn't that much information I even need to have at hand. I also realized at this point that all the discipline information you need for a legend 0 character is contained on one page, which is very handy. So I just had to import that single page per character and their prowesses.

I probably should have at least given the drawings a flat color tint so they're easier to tell apart but I didn't think of that until later. The balancing advice in the book suggests to use the number of Kadungganan + 2 as a base, which would be 5 in this case. I settled on six - I didn't know what enemies to use so I just picked the first one in each style and added the demon warrior from the demon's unique units. This also means they're pretty easy to color coordinate since the styles already have associated colors, except for the extra demon warrior

Behold, the meeple I stole from a different game gruesome visage of the terrifying demon warrior. Finally I looked through all of the status effects I was actually going to need and made little tokens for them, and added a bowl of go pieces to use for counting things. That's the setup done so far, I think. I probably missed something, but I'll see that when the time comes. There was one other reason I decided to use tabletop simulator for this, and it's that the design feels (and I mean this as a compliment) boardgamey. The abilities generally have straightforward effects, and status effects are a binary affair - either you are poisoned, or you're not, so they're easy to track with tokens, and most of the abilities have straight forward effects like "push the enemy 1 tile" or "if the enemy is aflame, deal 1d4 extra damage". These secondary effects have no saving throw-like mechanic either, unless the enemy evades the attack outright or is immune to the effect, it's going to happen, which should make most of the effects here very easy to track visually. Last last pregame observation - I notice while writing this that demons are immune to aflame and resistant to fire attacks and uuuhm

This makes the Baril Witch situation even worse then I was worried about initially because it makes half of their abilities and their thunderbolt gain condition either not work or very bad. It's not that big of a deal since I'm playing every character, but if this was a normal game with one character per person, I'd be a bit disappointed as Nasirakna's player. It happens, not everyone is good in every fight, but that does mean I'll have to vary up the enemy factions going forward.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm back a day later, time to actually start now! Everything below this is a play by play of the first resound of combat - the next post after this one will be the after action report, if you want to skip to my general observations (this part is might be annoying to read and hard to understand, I honestly can't tell). I already rolled the divination dice when I did the setup earlier and got 1, 5, 8, 7 - the odds outnumber the evens, so the enemies go first. I'll keep the victory and defeat conditions simple for this one, the Kadungganan win if they defeat all enemies and loose if all three of them get defeated.

For some reason, the figures clip into the tiles, but only on some of the tiles. I don't know why this happens other then tabletop simulators janky physics but I also don't care. Everything is set up now, the enemy sentinel moves first.

The enemy types have these tables to determine what they do on their turn if you play without a GM/Umalagad, here's the one from the Demon Guard, the enemy sentinel (the blue enemy on the map here):

This is the first time I've seen pseudo-AI like this in a tactics ttrpg and I'm honestly a bit skeptical of how well it's going to work, but the idea is so good that I really hope I'm wrong here and it functions well. One of the benefits of this being a tabletop game is that, if you roll something silly here, you can always just ignore it and do something that makes more sense or is more fun, and the rulebook is open about this too.

I got a 6 so Rush + Shield Charge + Inflict Violence and it turns out I am proven wrong immediately because this is a solid turn (I'll put the exact riff breakdowns in the alt text)

Yes the wide open token is a door, this is because I couldn't think of something less stupid looking yesterday.

Nasirakna gets to deal 1d4 (4) Damage to the Guard from her Overwatch Aura ("While you have Thunderbolts, you have an Overwatch Aura 3. Any enemy that moves into or leaves a tile in this aura you may deal d4 DMG against, once per enemy per Riff.")

Dranreb goes next and moves around the enemy like this, allowing him to flank and ram into them from the side using his "Shield Charge" Inflict Violence, pushing the enemy one tile away and moving after them.

I get to roll 2 violence dice and pick the highest one because of the flanking here, and I got a 1 and 2, which is a dogshit result, but very useful here for demonstration purposes. The damage of my attack here is 2 (from the die) + 3 (Dranreb's Ferocity) and this gets reduced by 5 (the Demon Guard's Parry). 2+3-5 is normally 0, but damage can't fall below 1, this means the secondary effect (pushing the enemy) still happens anyway. The secondary effects are only avoided if the enemy dodges the attack completely, which usually only happens if you roll a 1. For reasons that you can probably figure out by looking at the map here, the push is more important to me in this situation then the actual damage. I really appreciate the lack of a saving throw-like mechanic here, non-damaging effects like applying poison or moving the enemies around is what you need for combos or to set up cool plays by your friends, so just letting them happen avoids a lot of frustration. You also gain a thunderbolt if your attack gets evaded or deals minimum damage, so being one point off from snakeeyes was maybe ... good? actually?? in this specific situation.

Dranreb has 1 more Beat left, and originally I was going to use his Shield Bash Inflict Violence, which also pushes the target 1 tile (and would push the enemy into the river here) and would give Dranreb d6 Block. Unfortunately, its violence die is a d6 and because this would be my second attack in this riff, I'd have to make it at 2 demerit - roll 3d6 keep the lowest one. If I land a 1 on ANY of the 3d6 here, it means the attack fails, and that's a bigger risk then I'm willing to take. Thankfully, Shove (push an adjacent fighter 1 tile) is also a basic technique that everyone has access to and doesn't require to roll anything, so I can just push the enemy into the river anyway.

Goodbye. The Guard has jump 1, so he can only move one terrain height up at a time, which means they can't get back up here and has to walk all the way around. They also take 2d6 (4+4) damage from the fall. Really fun and cool move! In retrospect, it would have been smarter to move the enemy to the tile below Haraw to make pushing them off like this slightly harder, but I genuinely didn't think about that until I started planning Dranreb's turn. The decision to combine to hit and damage rolls into one removes a lot of the more annoying randomness in tabletop games (well, in D&D and its children specifically), but I don't know how I feel about attacks with lower damage potential also having a higher chance to miss completely, especially when the attack is already at demerit. It's only a difference of about 12% at 2 demerit between d6s and d8s, which isn't that much, but worth keeping in mind if you're attacking more then once. The demon Raider (a Lancer) is going to go next and I got Rush + Inflict Violence + Rush on the Gambit table. This is pretty straight forward so I'm not going to break it down in detail, they're just going to move in and attack Haraw, who is the closest to them, and then retreat back up the hill. Nothing too complicated except

Rolling the maximum value on a melee attack means it combos and gets rolled again and added together. They also gain an extra 1d6 bonus damage to their next attack after rushing their full speed, which puts us at a whopping 8+4+1+FER(7) = 20(!) damage. Haraw's PAR is 3 so that's 17. This early and she's already at 9/30 POS.

Haraw is also going to go next and she's still taunted by the Guard that fell into the river, which means all her attacks against enemies other then the Guard suffer demerit. Thankfully, she has other options!

Not an attack, so it doesn't count towards the number of attacks per Riff, and nothing to roll here. Dropping the raider enemy into the river is going to be less effective - their jump is 2, so they could get back up easily and wouldn't take fall damage. But the map does have a dangerous terrain spike growth, so I'm going to knock him in there instead. The description for dangerous terrain says that it deals 2 damage every time you enter it. I'm not sure if multiple connected tiles of the same type of dangerous terrain count as entering it once, or if it means every tile you enter, but I'm interpreting it as the latter because it works in my favor here it makes more sense to me that continuing to move through a spiky undergrowth would keep dealing damage repeatedly.

The Corpseflower Curse is the most interesting part - its violence die is a d4, which means the chance to miss is pretty high, especially since Haraw is still taunted by the Guard and has demerit from it. But sliding the enemy down into the bramble first means Haraw is at a higher elevation now, her ranged attacks gain merit against this demon. So at least I'm rolling the d4 normally, get a 3, and put down the field. Flower Balyans gain a thunderbolt from putting down one of the flower fields, which I immediately spend on

...and end her riff. Ending a riff cleanses Wide Open too, and I'm just noticing now that I didn't remove it from Dranreb after his riff. The annoying thing about writing this down as it's happening is that I'm immortalising all the small mistakes I normally wouldn't catch or quietly fix later. The enemy Witch goes next, rushes (through the dangerous terrain) and dazes Dranreb and Nasirakna. Daze gives all of your attacks demerit and all attacks against you merit, but this could have been worse.

Nasirakna is up next and uhm. She doesn't have a lot of options here due to the enemies all being resistant to Fire and immune to the Aflame status effect

They're weak to Soul at least but that still means the ideal strategy is to get into a high position and snipe repeatedly. He's going to spend 1 beat to climb up into the tree next to him, and then use Bala Osuwang on the Raider - the height advantage nullifies the demerit from dazed. Aaand I rolled a 1. The next attack would be at 2 demerit, but at least I can spend 1 thunderbolt on Joss Reloads (see above) so my chance to hit looks slightly less bad....aaaaand I got another 1. This does at least mean I get the thunderbolt back and can use Joss Reloads again to gain 1 Merit for their next riff. I was really hoping I might be able to finish the Raider off but it wasn't meant to be.

The enemy archer gets into a tree of their own and shoots at Dranreb twice (and unlike some fighters here, hits both times). The Warrior Demon rushes twice, taking 8 damage from the dangerous terrain, and attacks Haraw, which is enough to defeat her, and also inflicts bleeding. This doesn't mean she's out of the battle, she's just debuffed until she recovered, Kadungganan don't risk death until they get 5 wounds, and you get one every time you take damage while at 0 POS. Getting knocked out and having to sit on the sidelines for half the fight sucks ass, so I appreciate not making characters drop unconscious. They only get 2 beats so their action economy is still being taxed, but they still get to do stuff, which is the important part.

I might have bitten more off more then I can chew with the enemies here, but what I've played so far already looks really promising. The random enemy behavior works surprisingly well, and the player abilities are very fun, but if I want to finish this battle in a reasonable amount of time, I'll have to stop writing down every move. The next post is going to be a highlight reel and my overall thoughts on how this battle went. It's not looking good!

#ttrpg #gubat banwa #crow plays gubat banwa #long post

21 notes · View notes

netherworldpost · 7 months

Note

To give you a nicer message in your inbox:

Thank you for posting about all of the things that you do! Your enthusiasm is infectious! I can't think of another blog that could both

A) inspire me to work on little personal zine projects as part of my burnout recovery

and

B) inspire me to research and open a high interest savings account instead of being tepidly satisfied with the interest rates on the timed CD at my credit union

You have the range!

And I am eternally delighted that you share so many pieces of your joy with the world!

Ah you are very kind :) You needn't worry about ol' atty, I remain unphased by tantrums.

I have a big, flowery, open personality that is unfortunately seen as a vulnerability by the emotionally unavailable.

Unfortunately for them, I have both a block button and a big, flowery, open personality not rooted in seeking resolution with those whom disapprove of me.

Onwards!

A) This is very exciting! I hope your zine project helps tremendously. The low cost of entry (both in terms of financial price as well as structural making a zine) make them amazing things.

Start small as can be, scale up literally as big and vivid as you want. I hope you have a magnificent time.

Expand, grow, shrink, cut up, redo.

Go go go!

B) Fantastic re: high yield savings!!

CDs can be great, the increase of interest rate adds up, and if you're not going to use the money for something else (and have buffers in place), it's a great way to take advantage of the increase in funds.

In a very deeply underlined "this is not financial advice" sort of way, the main advantage (in my opinion, not advice, again stated) you can pull from them is watching the interest rate in the coming year or so.

The highest rate I can quickly find is 5.4% with a minimum of $1000, so we'll use that as a base.

5.4% after 12 months on $1000 is $1054 (+$54)

Let's say you lock that in tomorrow.

Some folks are trying to tell the feds "hey your interest rate... it's too high."

For the sake of discussion not a prediction in any way, shape, or form say the feds agree and lower the interest rate, by 0.25%, twice

CD rates in this extremely linear simplified absolutely goddamn hypothetical example reduce by 0.25% and then 0.25% again -- for new customers, but not you, because your rate is locked.

5.4% - 0.25% - 0.25 = 4.9% on new customers, not you, you're locked in, on $1000 is $1049 after their CD matures.

You made $5 more than them because you locked in your rate in a higher interest rate environment.

Conversely if the interest rate goes up, you don't get the new premium, because you're locked in. Thems the risks. I have no idea what the feds are going to do -- and neither does anyone else, including the feds better data is available.

My main vigilance on CDs is the increased return is... very small.

5.4% interest rate on a 12 month CD, $1000 base: $54 return.

4.4% interest rate on 12 months in a savings account, $1000 base: $44 return. (This can probably be beaten but it's good for easy math)

A $10/year difference... or $0.8333... ($10/12) per month.

You acquire an additional $0.83 - $0.84, per month, per $1000, by locking up your funds for a year.

Is this a good deal?

As always, depends entirely on your situation now and how likely it is to change in the timeframe (this example: 1 year) discussed.

I'm not anti any financial product, unless it takes advantage of someone. I am very "understand risk/reward and assess to your financial situation. Maximize your return, minimize your risk."

On both art, and money, I refuse to tolerate bullies who gate keep knowledge because it makes it easier to be a predator or to be a snob.

They are both complex subjects with deeply rooted moving parts and I'll never attempt to undercut the work needed to take the most advantage possible of either.

And.

A very basic, general, elementary understanding of either covers somewhere between 90 - 95% of the entire landscape.

I firmly believe that the more accessible knowledge of art and finances are, the more common benefit can be found.

14 notes · View notes

gothhabiba · 3 years

Note

hey, no worries if ur not up for answering this for any reason. but i wondered if you might talk a bit how ur in some way coping with being bedbound? i am currently struggling a lot and i can be out of my bed for a bit but im in a lot of pain and rly fatigued so not for long/not consistently. i also wondered specifically [idk if u experience this so obvs if u dont thats cool] about if u get pain ~from being bedbound? bc i do in some ways so it's like a constant catch 22 or whatever lol but i just thought id ask whether you have any tips/advice/things u do in order to combat that if u also have that experinece? hope this makes sense am fatigued a l o t !! sending u solidarity ! <3

I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I've had to come to terms over the last year or so with the prospect that I may be in this situation for the rest of my life. Treatments that usually work on people with my condition haven't helped me, and there's no cure. Life goes on. The lives of disabled people are often hidden from the public eye due to the inaccessibility of public spaces & narratives that centre the abled and the convalescent--but there's creativity in bed. There's still joy and social connexion and good books and good food and learning new things in bed (yeah yeah, ha ha). People frequently connect humanity, life being worth living, &c. to activity and to mobility, and it's useful to be able to articulate to yourself that that's bullshit

I try to differentiate between sleeping and waking hours as much as I can. If you have a couch or other piece of furniture that you can make it to and lie down on so that you're not in bed all the time, I'd recommend doing so. I also open the curtains during the day and close them at night, and switch out the pillowcase on my pillow (I only have one that's the right height so I'm using it all the time) just before I go to sleep. I sleep in a different position than I spend waking hours in. Things like that

I know this is easier said than done, but I try to keep a regular sleeping schedule. I find that things like fatigue, nightmares, insomnia, and sleep paralysis are worse if I don't. Any schedule you make should have enough hours of sleep nightly built in (don't try to say it will be eight, it very well may be 10-12) as well as any naps you may find yourself needing.

After spending a few months supine more or less constantly, I did start to notice some lower back pain and inflexibility in my spine that I hadn't experienced before. I try to spend a couple hours per day actually lying down on the floor rather on a soft surface, which mitigates a lot of this.

If it's a possibility for you, look up a few youtube videos for floor yoga and try to do a few of the stretches whenever you feel up for it. I rotate between boat pose, universal spinal twist, corpse, cobra, butterfly, child's pose, happy baby pose, bridge, sometimes cat/cow, anything else I can do without too much weightbearing. Which poses you feel comfortable doing will of course depend on the location of your pain and what worsens it. But especially when you're lying down all the time, it's important to do what you can to stretch your spine and shoulders and keep your core from weakening.

I'm not sure if you can sit up at all or prop yourself up on pillows--I cannot, so it really helped me to get a laptop stand, and a laptop that was built such that the keyboard is at the right spot under my hands with my shoulders and wrists relaxed. A separate keyboard that connects to your laptop via USB or whatever may be helpful if your laptop isn't the right size to allow for that.

Relatedly, it is always worth it try to rig something up to make tasks more comfortable. It doesn't matter if it "should" be easy (for whom? according to whom?). Prop things up at the right angles, rubberband or pin things into the right position (e.g. to keep the pages of books open while they're resting on a stand), &c. This makes a big difference, especially with things that you tend to spend a lot of time doing.

If there's anything that you used to love to do that you can't do anymore, find something else. I can't play an instrument anymore. I used to play viola, guitar, and ukulele, I had just started on mandolin, I had concrete goals on all these instruments, I wanted to learn piano. It sucks a lot. But I've started learning more music theory and music history, transcribing and analysing music, composing, ear training to be able to read music with my voice. Life goes on.

Talk to people! If you're comfortable with it, get visitors. It may seem difficult to meet people when you can't leave your bed or your home--when becoming disabled you learn that a lot of your old friends are no longer interested in being your friend if you can't keep up doing x y and z--but there are maybe people in your city who will come over if you explain your situation. I have a new friend who helps with housework and brings me food and is content to sit in my living room with me whom I met online... it IS possible

Otherwise, talk to anyone else you know. Voice call or video call. Join a discord or a subreddit for people in a similar situation as you, or a community for an unrelated interest you have. Disability of any kind (or rather, how people treat you when you're disabled) is isolating. It's worth trying to counteract that.

Start a project that you care about. Start two. Finish both or neither of them. It matters to keep doing and learning things that you care about, at whatever pace you can.

Some days are easier than others. You're not betraying yourself by feeling upset or discouraged. You're not betraying yourself by not being upset, either.

Orgasms can improve mood, relieve pain, take up time when you don’t have the energy to do much, &c. It’s worth looking into whatever kind of motorised sex toy would be useful for you if sex in general is something that you have interest in.

Understand that nothing about the concepts of "progress" or "convalescence" or "healing" or "stagnating" work for you anymore. Not even to the limited extent to which they work for the able-bodied. Even (and especially) medical fields still try to fit our bodies and minds into these frameworks that don't fit. There doesn't need to be directionality. There's just time, and enjoying it. (The disabled and chronically ill tend to understand this intuitively. Try to get more friends of this sort.)

Check out @energysavingselfcare

#disability #spoonie #bedbound #bedridden #questions #long post /

316 notes · View notes

dexr-jan9am1 · 2 years

Text

Demon Slayer!MC part 3

(You are going to be portrayed as one of the butterfly sisters here. your speed matches shinobus but the way you act doesn't since you believe that what kanae wants is for you all to move on from her death even though it stills leaves a mark.)

A/N-> I forgot to mention this but mc is from the taisho era just lik in the anime and manga but the brothers and purgatory hall boys don't know this yet only the royals. (i know it sounds confusing but i will try my best to make it understandable in the series)

Italic = thinking

**whispering/muttering**

*actions*

part 1 // part 2

Diavolo , Barbatos , Lucifer , Mammon , Leviathan , Satan , Asmodeus , Beelzebub , Belphegor , Luke , Simeon , Solomon

First person POV

After a short walk to the supposed destination, HOL, it looked nothing like the houses/minkas you were used to seeing back in the human world suddenly Mammon came to a stop

"**ugh I don't believe this, all this rotten luck and now I have to take care of this pesky human to top it all off if it wasn't because of that rotten bastard I would've never have to take care of a human, does he really think scaring me would do the trick**" "is something wrong? you have suddenly come to a halt" "GAH! Don't scare me like that human! anyways this is the house of lamentation its one of the dorms here at RAD and its not just any dorm, its a dorm reserved for only the members of the student council. the others would take any chance they get to insult me callin' me scum and saying that I'm a money grabber and stuff but I'm an officer of the student council, same as the elite of the elite, the top of the RAD social pyramid in other words I'm a big shot" "But from afar you don't look like one that would hold such a high position? just from the way you immediately obeyed Lucifer when he threatened you after you tried to go against his orders as if you are a slave cowering down in fear when your master orders you to do something you're against with but you can't do anything about it or am I wrong?" "how dare you insult the great Mammon like that?! *huffs* come on lets get this over with human" both of you walk inside, from your perspective it looked quite fancy just like you expected it to look like as this dormitory was reserved for members of the student council. "come on human I'll bring ya to your room" "...*has been staring at the bulletin board for some time*" "oi what're you doin just standing there with your jaw open*looks at the side to see the bulletin board* oh you're just looking at the job-listing poster, you know you can also look at it in your DDD right? just go to ':D jobs' " "..." "now listen carefully I'm gonna give you a piece of advice, if you wanna survive even a day here in the Devildom you BETTER listen carefully to what I'm boutta say, if it ever looks like a demon is gonna attack you run away..... Either that or die." "You don't have to worry about me I'm capable of handling that type of situation with or withou-" "How about this I vote for YOU to die, Mammon" "D'ah!....Levi! listen up human this is Leviathan or Levi for short, he is the Avatar of Envy and third oldest of us brothers...... now let's just move on-" "Mammon give me back my money, then go crawl in a hole and die" "It seems like those two have quite a complicated relationship" "I told you already I don't have the money with me right now, I just need a little more time" "A little more time? You've been telling me that for the last 200 years! you're a lowlife and a waste of space" "Hey, come on! that's way worse then what you usually call me!" "Whatever..... just give me my money back, I need to use it to buy Blu-Ray box set of Journey to the Devildom: The tale of a little she-devil and her reluctant companion! The official round of copies includes tickets to a special live event as a bonus" "I have no idea what you're talking bout but like I said I don't have any money with me right now!" "Oh? so you're actually a low-life, Mammon?" "Hey, don't call me a low-life.....remember that advice I gave you? well you're bout to witness it for real so...... time for you to die! it's either you or me and it ain't gonna be me so bye! *runs away*" "..." "..." "when he said you all would call him such names I didn't understand why but now I do" "I'm glad we both can agree in that but did you realize what he did? he used you as a sacrifice" "I'm well aware of what he just did and how he used me as bait *sighs* I can't believe he will be my assigned caretaker throughout this program *lightly frowns*" "LOL but anyways are you free right now? you gotta be, you know what never mind just follow me.."

Second person POV

you followed right behind him as he led you to a room, upon entering, you were amazed by this sight in front of you, the room is decorated in a blueish-green hue with a large fish tank upfront, there was a SMACK of jellyfish floating close to the tub filled with with pillows and blankets but one pillow stood out from the rest, it had the body of a girl imprinted on it...

"Who's that?" "EH?! you don't know?! that's Ruri-chan!" "Ruri-chan? "she's the main character of the anime 'The magical Ruri-Hana: Demon Girl' she's so cute! you should know who she is!" "anime? I'm pretty sure I have heard of such term but although I never indulged myself in such activities" " *sweat drops*not even manga?" "I have heard of it and have heard quite the number of manga's back in the human world and I must say, I do enjoy the different genres of manga" "so you know what manga is but YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ANIME IS?!" "I told you that I have heard of anime but chose not to indulge myself in it"

You walked around the room and suddenly stopped in front of a shelf that contained books of different volumes you took one out of its place, you read the title 'Tales of the seven lords', you were certain that you have heard of it before so you opened the book and read a little bit of the story until you were sure that this was the one.

"This series.....I have seen these before..." "You know TSL?!" "TSL? are you talking about the tales of the seven lords? if you are talking about such a stupendous series then yes I have read almost all of the volumes" "almost? you must've finished it by now and might be waiting for volume 9's release" "I still didn't finish it because my profession refrains me from doing so as I am really busy during long hours of the day" "well not anymore! now that you're here you have all the time in the world to finish the current volumes and I will make sure you get to know the joy of watching anime!" "I see.." "alright enough talking about all this, this isn't the reason why I bought you here" "It isn't?" "Nope, I wanted you to follow me because I wanted to tell you something that you probably know is true: Mammon is a complete and utter scumbag. it's very important for you to understand this so I'm gonna repeat myself one more time, Mammon is a Hopeless. Worthless. Scumbag" "I can already see in the way he acted earlier when I first saw him he stopped me from doing further damage on the others, I actually thought he would be like those knight in shining armors everyone would here about from certain fairytales but now with how he just ran to get away from paying his debt and using the one person he was entrusted to protect as bait, he is the perfect image to represent a wimp" "LOL" "but I can't help but wonder....how did you two become like this? you both are brothers right? why are you both bickering around like children and you're talking bad about him too?" "Well... it's a long story so you better get yourself ready to hear it, Once, a long time ago, Mammon won a prize in a convenience store promotional campaign. If you bought something then they will let you reach into a box and pull out a piece of paper that told you what you won. And the prize Mammon won is a Seraphina figurine, something I would've died to have. But despite the fact that Mammon had no interest in it all, he refused to give it to me. Why? you may ask? Because I wanted it........thats right, thats the only reason. I wanted it and he said no just to torment me. I mean, how awful is that?! So, I got to thinking...........Mammon's gonna end up treating Seraphina like some random piece of junk. That much is a given. I can maybe handle it if he at least leaves her in her original packaging, but what if he actually takes her out of the box?! He might just do it! And if he does, he'll get dust on her, won't he?! I decided I had to save Seraphina, so I snuck into Mammon's room in the middle of the night. And what do you think I saw there?! You're not gonna believe it. He didn't open the box......No, it's way worse than that. He hadn't even taken it out of the convenience store bag, which he tossed on the floor of his room. THE FLOOR! He actually left SERAPHINA on the FLOOR! The Queen of High Elves Herself! Sure, she seems cold and prideful at first, but once you get to know her, you'd find out she really wants affection, she just doesn't know how to admit it, it's sooooooooooooo cute! Yet Mammon just threw her on the floor! And I don't think he'd cleaned his room in three months. It was covered in junk. empty ramen cups, used tissues. stuff was strewn everywhere . And there......"

Timeskip cuz author-san is lazy af

"quite the adventure you had,but was it really neccesary to also kick him? I mean, you only went in there to grab the figurine not to cause harm to Mammon" "But he deserves it! he's a scumbag you know" "alright then, have it your way" "But you've seen how fast he is yourself right? but not as fast as Lucifer or Beel. But if, let's say a human made a pact with Mammon and bound him to there service...." "If you're trying to imply that I should do this 'pact' thing with Mammon then you can use it to your advantage then I won't" "Why not?!" "I don't even know what a pact is....." "A pact is kinda like an agreement when the demon will lend their strength to a human in exchange for their soul, the demon will also be bound to serve their said master" "So you want me to make a pact with Mammon to have him at my every beck and call? Is this your way of trying to get what you want from him? through me?" "That's right! and I don't think it would be that bad for you, to have someone serve you, It's gonna be a win-win for us both!" "I will see what I can do but I don't think he will agree that easily so you better have a plan set so you we can finish this up" "you're right and I do have a plan it's simple, If you go up to him and ask him to form a pact with you he won't do it so we gotta do some form of negotiation with him and we will have to find something to give him that will draw into making a pact, something.... he can't deny" "Mammons the Avatar of greed right? so we need something to activate his greed something that is worth a lot..." "ooh I know! his 'precious' credit card Goldie! he got it confiscated by Lucifer weeks ago cuz he was spending too much grimm, I bet he would do anything to get it back but..." "But?" "Lucifer hid it somewhere and no one knows where he hid it" "If the card is all we're missing then leave it to me, I might be able the location of the card out of him then we can move on with our plan" "Great! now we can focus on the important stuff" **I hope nothing bad will come out of this.....**

A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry for keeping you guys waiting with part 3 it's just i've been caught up with a lot of things in my personal life rn so i wasn't able to do part three for a long time. But it is finally here! i hope you enjoy this and i have been getting into the twisted wonderland fandom lately so i might start posting content relating to twst.

#obey me shall we date #demon slayer #sorry for the wait

16 notes · View notes

amourology · 2 years

Note

hey, lizzie 🤍

this is our first time interacting, and even if we are not yet acquainted in the least bit, it really disheartens me to see someone i could easily give the tiniest bit of guidance to that might assist you on your journey. it sucks i only saw this just now but TT i'll save the proper introductory for a later time if you want to talk ! no pressure :)

i understand the situation you are currently battling is an extremely tricky one, so you are more than welcome to answer this privately, or not at all if it makes you uncomfortable, but maybe (?) this could push others to achieve their goals too... idk― but just know, you are not obligated to anyone but yourself and your needs.

all i want for you to take away from this ask is a more optimistic and positive attitude towards yourself, and the obstacles life throws at you sometimes.

firstly, i think it'd be a little more appropriate to state the context or a little background of why a random person like me is sending you an ask lmaoo: i am a criminology major (1st year) too who has undergone/undergoing similar subjects by the ones you stated previously.

for me, jumping into the field of criminology (or the land of fucked up like i call it WHWHW), was a more personal thing that i held close to my heart. helping friends/family/strangers of victimisation almost felt natural, and more so in the sense that i think everyone can be a victim to something― small or big, we're not always the bad guys in others stories.

in the light of your ambitions, i think no one has to have an overly ✨ spectacular ✨ reason as to why they enjoy the things they enjoy, or, want to do the things they find the tiniest bit interesting. if you're intrigued by the criminal mind, or how aspects of it work they way they do, and finding ways to help victims and offenders cope, i think thats more than enough to be justifiable. and honestly? we need more people like that in this world.

to me, i feel like the most important thing is to have that preconceived notion― you want to help others, understand, feel, and maybe come to terms with your own personal beliefs on it.

it's a pretty crazy thing, really, whenever i mention to strangers that i'm undergoing an undergraduate in criminology, they always act surprised... because it is surprising! how many people do you think would willingly jump into the mind of someone who has undergone years of trauma? or would want to understand the fundamentals on why we act the way we do? it's a pretty scary place, more so when many people are still yet trying to figure themselves out.

i think the only piece of advice i can give you is that you have to be willing to take risks, do what makes you happy, and most importantly, find solace in yourself. if this isn't the right direction for you, so be it. if you'd prefer to take something that's more focused on the psychological spectrum of it all, even better! because years from now, if you don't make those choices, you're most likely going to dwell on them.

i'm sorry if this got hella sentimental PFFT but i truly hope you find the courage to do what drives your happiness to its wits. you shouldn't be concerned of others judgements, you're already 10x smarter then those fools! :)

hi, love! dont worry about us never having talked before (im kinda shy towards people on here so i dont approach often) but i’d love to talk with you more & could use some friends <3

i relate with everything you said, and its really really what i wanna do. the criminal mind is so interesting and i would wanna jump into it to see how i could perhaps help the person & prevent any more people from falling victim to them…the problem is that my uni teaches criminology wholly differently than what i had in mind :(

they really focus on crime in itself & the reaction of people around it instead of the offender and/or the victim. its heavily law based, like 4/8 of my subjects for this year are about the dutch law. there’s hardly and psychology at all unfortunately, i had like 1 psychology-based course last year but it kinda disappeared in the 2nd year it seems :/

the only reason why im considering going through with it rn is bc i only have this year (which is almost over) and another year left before im supposed to graduate. so i could just endure a bit longer & go study psychology after this — i feel like a psychology & criminology degree would be better when i start looking for a job?

then again, idk if i actually want to continue bc this doesn’t interest me much at all (specifically the law subjects) and its only giving me a bunch of stress and anxiety atm

so yea that’s it ig, so cool to see someone with the same major tho! i haven’t seen that on tumblr before :) hope you’re doing alright & id love to get to know you better!

#niv <3 #lizzie answers

7 notes · View notes

howlsmoving-blog · 3 years

Note

Hihi, I hope I'm not bothering you, but I wanted to ask for some advice. ;; I've lately been having lots of problems with uncontrollable vent regression, to the point it's getting in the way of all the big responsibilities I have. It's stressing me out more because I can't get things done, and it's stressing out my partner who isn't accustomed to being a carer and can't handle this constant slipping. I don't have time to just let it happen and ride it out, and even if I tried, it wouldn't help much because the whole time I would just be anxious about all the things that need doing. I see posts all the time about people struggling to regress, but I don't know what to do to make it stop... ;; (by teenie side blog is polkadottedpie btw)

Hey there sugar plum 🌌

You're never a bother! I'm always here to help when I can!

I'm very sorry to hear about all the trouble you're having, little one. I know vent regression can be scary and unpleasant and I can't imagine how stressful it has been for you and your partner. There's a bit to unpack here so I'm putting it in the undercut!

To start off I need to make sure you understand that it's not your fault! I feel like when you said "slipping" there's a lot of guilt and anger there, so I just hope you don't blame yourself.

My first thought is: have you been under a lot of stress lately, without recovery time? I should say specifically, before the vents started happening more frequently? Or is it a safety issue, where you're not feeling safe or cared for? Like anxiety, vents are more likely to happen when stressed.

Vents should be treated as any type of anxiety attacks, ptsd or breakdowns are treated. Because essentially that's what it is. So giving yourself that time is actually very important to your overall mental health and well-being, little one. You need to talk it out or comfort yourself. And I know you said you'd just worry about all your big responsibilities, but think of this situation like a puzzle.

The whole completed puzzle is your life! And there's all these different pieces that go into it. Your little side is a very important piece of it, but if you ignore that piece to focus on all the other pieces, maybe you'll get further completing the picture… but you'll never get to finish the whole puzzle.

But when you give yourself the time and mental space to really get into the headspace, vent or play, and fully ride it out, your body is actually healing itself and the puzzle can be complete!

If you're starting to see regressing as a chore, it's not going to really be the therapeutic experience it should be.

And as a caregiver, It discomforts me to hear that your partner can't handle it. And I make no judgments because it's definitely not my place and I don't know either of you personally nor your situation! But your little side needs special care and attention and if that stress is being projected on you it definitely can make the whole scenario rougher than it needs to be. This goes for everyone, if you're a little and your partner is aware of it/agreed to be a part of that side of your life, they should be fully aware of all the ups and downs.

Anyways, my advice as a caregiver in summation is:

Give yourself the time you need! Because it's obviously not going anywhere and Normally with mental health, the longer you ignore something the worse it gets.

Make sure you're feeling safe! Because safety is a huge contributing factor to vents!

Give your little the love it needs and deserves! The baby should be baby'd! Even if you feel you don't have time. Maybe take a bath instead of a shower and play with some toys!

Draw out your emotions! Or get a big pillow and scream out all those bad feelings!

The more you can express your emotions, the more they can leave your body and you can replace them with good ones!

I hope this helps sunshine! If you need more advice or have questions I'm right here. I really hope you feel better and things get easier for you!

#agere tips #vent regression #agere blog #agere caregiver #cglre community #cglre caregiver #agere advice #reply

22 notes · View notes

angeloncewas · 2 years

Note

Dont really know how to start this but I need your advice if you’re willing to give it so I’m just gonna jump into it

I walked in on my little brother watching cmc then morning so I say down with him and explained why he’s a bad person. He then told me that cmc has been donating all his streaming money to charity (I asked if it was to a charity that help minors who’ve dealt with grooming to which he said no). So now we’re at a stand still, my brother’s not going to stop watching cmc and I don’t think cmc should have any platform at all. I don’t really know what to do because I don’t think anything I can say would change his mind and I don’t think my brother is a bad person, just that he should be more cautious about what he sees online. Any thoughts?

Hey anon, sorry it's been a bit.

There's a couple of things, though I'm not sure which (if any) will be helpful.

Is there any proof that cmc has been donating "all his streaming money" to charity? If so, that's nice I suppose (in the sense that people who need money are receiving it), but that's a very easy thing to say and a very difficult thing for someone to actually do. I could say I donate all of my paycheck to charity right now, but that wouldn't mean anything. And it especially wouldn't mean anything (imo) coming from someone with a track record of lying like cmc. I don't know how old your brother is (presumably old enough to understand cmc's actions on some level) but that might be something worth discussing (don't if he has provided proof though lol, because that might turn your brother the other way)

I hate to bring up the past, but have him watch the weekly slap video. It really makes what he did clear in a way that I think is more tangible as it was made by someone who was close to him. I don't doubt your account or your brother's understanding of it, but sometimes it's hard to put the pieces together and really conceptualize something that you have not and likely will never experience.

Ask him if it's worth it. Are those streams really so important to his life that he can't stop watching them? Is there no other content that's funny? Don't do it in a guilt-trip-y way (unless you want to lol, you two are related so the cards you feel comfortable drawing are up to you), but I think it's worth recognizing point-blank that a big part of what allowed him to do what he did was his platform. And returning it to him shows him that there are no legitimate consequences for his actions.

None of this might help, and if so all you can really do is talk through it and hope he considers it going forward. I would be super alarmed if anyone in my life still watched cmc, but I also understand that if you weren't in the midst of a situation, it later can feel like nothing but the past. If you can't change his mind, you can't change his mind, but it's very likely that he'll be over it in some time. Keep him from giving the man any money other than inevitably through ads. Hope he grows to understand.

Don't worry too much. I agree with you and you're in the right, but sometimes people have their mind made up and it's not your fault or even responsibility to try and make them think differently. I hope you're doing alright n all.

#angel answers #anon #grooming mention #cmc tw

8 notes · View notes

wanderinginksplot · 3 years

Note

If you're still taking requests, can I request either Echo or Tech with hurtReader + fluff? 👀

(your writing is amazing and it melts my heart sndnfjdjdb)

Hi, friend! Thank you for the compliment - you're so sweet! I went a little lighter on the fluff than I meant to, but this is what I ended up with. Thanks for the request! Enjoy!

Tech + Injured Reader + (Minor) Fluff

*WARNING: Slight mention of gore. Nothing graphic, but a head's up.*

Watching the Havoc Marauder touch down was a ritual you followed every time the Bad Batch went anywhere without you on board. Tech liked to believe he was an excellent pilot, but you were of the opinion that flying took more than encyclopedic knowledge of a ship’s internal systems. It took instinct, a feel for the ship’s personality, and a good bit of luck to fly in a war zone.

Tech disagreed vehemently, but you had been assigned to them for a reason. Even if he had found your belief in luck - okay, slight obsession with luck - to be ridiculous, Tech admitted that you were an excellent pilot. It hadn’t been enough for you to accompany them on their mission, but it was something.

The real problem was that the members of the Bad Batch were insanely protective of anything or anyone they saw as ‘theirs’. Privately, you thought it was because they hadn’t had any personal belongings on Kamino. And they definitely hadn't had friends outside of their group. Unfortunately for you, you were also considered ‘theirs’ now and the Batch could be… restrictive when they felt you could be in danger. And since you were assigned to help them fight a literal war, you were always in danger and they were always protective. Especially Tech. You had been dating in secret for a few weeks now - too short a time for anything serious, but Tech let you take absolutely zero chances.

“Sir, we need to get you inside,” one of the troopers on deck told you, his light touch to your arm pulling your attention away from scanning the star-littered space above the hangar bay. The trooper's regulation armor looked oddly plain to you, even with the medic's symbol and the touches of gray that told you he was a member of the Wolfpack.

“I’m sorry, what was your name again?” you asked, partially to stall and partially because your luck senses were tingling.

“That isn’t important right-”

“Please?” you asked again. It was another quirk of luck. If a trooper touched you, you needed to know their name or they ended up dying. Statistically, you knew that probably wasn’t true, but who really wanted to mess around with fate if they didn’t have to?

The trooper blew out a sigh that crackled his annoyance through the speakers of his helmet. “Curl, sir. We really should be-”

“I’m sorry, Curl,” you apologized, interrupting the poor medic again. “I got separated from my team and I need to see that they’re back okay before I can leave. Does that make sense?”

“What team isn’t back yet?” Curl asked, seeming concerned. “I thought Commander Wolffe said that everyone had checked back in?”

“I’m with the Ba- with Clone Force 99,” you told him, changing your explanation to use the group’s official name at the last minute. Professionalism never hurt anyone.

“You’re with the Bad Batch?” Curl asked, sounding impressed despite himself. Without waiting for an answer, he gave a curt nod and lifted his wrist toward the speakers of his helmet. “Sergeant Sinker, Medic Curl.”

“Sinker here,” a voice answered immediately.

“Do we have an ETA on Clone Force Nine-Nine?”

“Hold.”

“Copy.” Curl glanced at you and you nodded to show that you were following the conversation.

“Curl, bridge says they’re inbound, expected to hit the hangar in about a minute.”

“Copy,” Curl said again. “Thanks, Sarge.”

“I’d stand clear,” Sergeant Sinker warned. “The good pilot isn’t on.”

“Are you the good pilot?” Curl asked you. You swore you could hear a smile in his voice.

You smiled back and nodded. “That would be me.”

“Understood, I’ve got the good pilot with me,” Curl replied over his comlink. “We’re gonna spectate, make sure they don’t scratch the paint job.”

“There’s no reason to worry,” Sinker said consolingly. “The GAR stopped springing for paint two months ago. There’ll be none left on that ship.”

Curl laughed aloud at that, shaking his head.

“Cut the chatter,” a harsh voice reprimanded. “This is an official channel. Save your jokes for the clubs on the Triple Zero, Sergeant.”

“Yes sir, Commander,” Sinker agreed chipperly.

The Solidarity’s deck shuddered as the hyperdrive activated, ready to take off as soon as the Havoc Marauder landed, and you stumbled with the movement. Curl caught you - his grip uncomfortable given the harsh plastoid planes of his armor - and shook his head.

“We really need to get you inside, sir,” Curl said again, sounding reluctant but concerned. “You have an appointment in the medbay with me, and I’ll be very offended if you’re late.”

You were about to point out that he would be late, too, when the Marauder zoomed up and around the Solidarity, clearly following a path to land.

“Wait, they’re right there,” you protested. “Give ‘em ten seconds to land and a bit longer for me to gloat, then I’ll gladly go to the medbay.” Curl hesitated and you pressed your advantage. “I’ll be a model patient, Curl. No arguments, no debates, no complaining.”

“I never believe anyone when they say that,” Curl said dryly, “but I guess you’ll survive without treatment for a little while longer.”

“Thanks, Curl!” your enthusiasm was a little… off… but you blamed it on the pain you were finally beginning to feel.

Tech was flying, you knew that beyond a doubt. Not only was he the only person allowed to fly, but the landing performed by the small cruiser was proof that the wickedly intelligent trooper was behind the controls.

As soon as they had landed, Wrecker burst out of the side door. “Ha! Told ya we would make it back in one piece.”

“More luck than skill, that,” Crosshair countered sourly, slouching from the door as well with Hunter behind him.

“As I said multiple times, everything was under control,” Tech disagreed. He caught sight of you and started in your direction, eyes taking in the way Curl’s gloved hand was still gripping your bicep.

“There, you saw ‘em,” Curl muttered to you. “We really need to go now.”

“I beg your pardon, but where exactly are you trying to go?” Tech asked sharply, glancing between the two of you.

“Medbay,” Curl replied, slipping into the vocal brevity of a career soldier. “Your pilot was injured, but wouldn’t accept treatment until you had touched down.”

“Luck, you know,” you told Tech, who was already scanning your form with his goggled gaze. You smirked at him and shrugged off Curl, who seemed ready to tow you to the medbay himself. “Also, statistical likelihood be karked! I stayed in the ‘safest possible place’ like you told me and I’m the only one who ended up injured! You should listen to me from now on.”

“What?!”

“Injured?”

"How? Where?"

The rest of the Bad Batch had surrounded you and Curl in a moment, all asking different variations of the same question. Hunter’s voice cut through them all. “Trooper, why is she not in the medbay?”

Curl held up his hands as if despairing of the entire situation. “Sorry, Sergeant. Your pilot refused to leave until we saw your ship land. It would be a big help to me if you would just issue an order to report to the medbay so I can start treating the injuries.”

For all that he liked to take a laid-back approach to non-combat leadership, Hunter took the safety of his team seriously and you knew he was about to do as Curl had suggested.

“It’s not even that bad an injury,” you argued before Hunter could speak. “I just got hit with some debris."

You tugged up the rough, canvas-like material of the uniform pants you wore while you weren’t actively flying and showed them your lower leg. You were busy looking at the faces of the Batch rather than the injury, but you knew something was wrong when Tech swore. Tech never swore.

With a frown, you glanced down at your leg. Your mind refused to make too much sense of things, but you saw smears of crimson and a pale flash of something before the dizziness returned worse than ever.

Fortunately, Curl caught you before you could actually fall and Wrecker scooped you up a moment later. He was already muttering soothing nonsense as he lifted you, and it was almost enough to keep you from noticing the pain. “All right, here we are. Everything is fine. Just don’t puke on me.”

“Medbay,” Hunter ordered severely. “Now .”

“Yes, sir,” you agreed, your voice more weak than you liked.

“Finally,” Curl muttered.

“Tech, go with them,” you heard Hunter say from a rapidly growing distance.

There was a sound of jogging steps, but when you tried to look for Tech’s familiar face, the Solidarity leapt into hyperspace and you felt like you might actually pass out.

“What will treatment consist of?” Tech asked. He was trying to mask his worry by being professional, but you could hear a hint of it in his voice.

“Some stitches, probably an antibiotic shot since the debris was metallic, and a check of the nerves in the area of injury,” Curl answered easily. The lack of concern from the medic was comforting in a strange sort of way.

The silence hung for a few moments, interrupted only by the sound of everyone’s footsteps. Eventually, Tech admitted, “I should have been able to calculate the risks more closely. This never should have happened.”

“Aw, how were you supposed to know?” Wrecker asked loudly.

“That’s right,” Curl agreed. “This is war. Unexpected variables are the norm and there are no safe spots. My only advice is to take all of your people with you. After all, your pilot accepted the assignment to be part of your team. Trying to keep people out of the action never works. Take the lesson, learn from it, and make adjustments in the future. You don’t need to do anything more than that.”

“He’s right,” you agreed, the sentiment muffled against Wrecker’s broad chestplate. “Let me do my job and trust that I’ll do everything I can to keep us all out of danger.”

You blindly stuck your hand out behind Wrecker’s back, searching until you connected with Tech’s familiar fingers. His grip was hesitant but steady, and you gave his hand a squeeze of reassurance.

“It’s probably true,” Curl said, apparently backing you up. “Pain is like a truth serum. And with that gash… it’s probably the truth. Even if you did lie about being a perfect patient.”

You chuckled at that, despite the discomfort from your injury, and relaxed a bit as you felt Tech press a kiss to the back of your hand.

---

A/N - This chapter could realistically be called 'Ink will do anything to avoid using the y/n designation'. For those who are unfamiliar, Curl is my OC medic for the Wolfpack and you can read more featuring him in Just for Kix on my masterlist. As always, I'm still taking requests! Thanks again, Anon, for this idea and I'm sorry again about skimping on the fluff! If you want me to rewrite or expand on it, please feel free to let me know.

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars the bad batch #star wars fic #tech x you #tech x reader #tcw #tcw fanfic #sw tbb #tbb tech #tech #hunter #crosshair #wrecker #sinker #104th battalion #wolfpack #request #clone troopers deserve better

74 notes · View notes

pacifymebby · 2 years

Note

Hiya girlie! Do you have any advice for getting back into reading? I was a big reader as a kid but obviously that doesn’t directly translate into adulthood and as much as I enjoy reading I’ve found it hard to call myself a reader as I seldom read and I mostly reread books from when I was a child. I’d like to get into reading literature and more adult books but I know how harshly new readers of literature can be judged especially on taste. I’d love to get your input on this situation and see where you think I should start out! If you’ve got any book recommendations for newbies or tips or something that would be greatly appreciated! Have a great day lovely ❤️

Oh my god so, first of all, people who judge adults that don't read, or are new to reading or who don't like reading certain "high class" literature are jerks. You gotta ignore them and just read to enjoy reading. Also don't feel bad about reading books from when you were a kid, I've been reading the dark materials trilogy again recently, it's one of my favourites.

Second of all, read Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier, I was reading it not that long ago and was amazed by how incredible a story teller she is, but also by how accessible she is. She also writes those in your 20s feeling naive and in love romances beautiful, there's a whole paragraph about how Max lends her his coat because she's cold and she feels completely smug and full of pride that she's wearing his coat. And like, idk, she captures stuff perfectly. Multiple times reading it I was just dead for how called out I felt by it, like she's just like me fr.

I feel like you also can't be judged for reading Du Maurier, she's one of the greatest story tellers of all time, this is the woman who wrote The Birds. Hitchcock would be nothing without her (this is probably a hot take a million people would argue with but idc lol) Also other books that I've really enjoyed but which didn't take horribly long or too much effort (so like, good to ease yourself in and enjoy reading again)

Good Omens / Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman - this is just, funny and interesting and dramatic and the characters are likeable and good.

Carrie / Stephen King - short and sweet for a Stephen king horror but also probably my favourite one of his.

Normal People / Sally Rooney - this was good, not the best lit fit ever but it was good and it influenced my own writing style a lot so it must stick with people in a way.

The Virgin Suicides - this is again, it is lit fit but it feels coming of age and cool lit fit as opposed to boring adults talking about buying bread and disappointing sex lit fic lol.

In the Miso Soup - this ones just gripping and dark and there's a strong sense of plot which I find helpful when I'm trying to get back into reading having not read for awhile.

Drive Your Plow - Olga Tokarczuk - this is just SO good

Despair / Vladimir Nabokov - if you're worried about being judged by readers you can't go wrong with Nabokov, you can also be pretentious to people who might talk down to you by telling them this one is, in your opinion, much better than Lolita (which is also good tbf) This ones like, a mystery, a tragic comedy, a nihilistic/ despair piece, its brilliant, I loved it.

Steinbeck is good for like, warm, slow but sad stories to read in dusty heatwave season, Jack Kerouac / Tristessa is a good one for like, if you're feeling down and want to read something miserable haha.

Anais Nin - Little Birds or Delta of Venus - Erotica but like, its cool to say you've read Anais Nin, she's Respected ya know. Also you can tell BeamMeUpSoftBois that she's way better than Henry Miller and watch their heads explode. Anyway I loved her.

4 notes · View notes

cosmictulips · 2 years

Note

Helloooo Commander Tulip! 🌷

How was your day?

(Hopefully good) 😊

I’ve been waiting for your game to open. Funny thing, I actually thought that your game was yesterday and almost even sent in an ask. I guess I was just a little too excited 😆

Anyways, my initial is V I guess you can call me that. If you need any of my zodiac placements, I am a virgo ☀️ virgo 🌝 and Aries ⬆️ hopefully that helps.

Also, my favorite emoji as if recently is 🫶 #spreadkindness

The question is like to ask: what does my life in 5 month look like? Like how does it look like in terms of my happiness, career, and that ish.

Hopefully I did everything right. I don’t really know what interaction with my ask means. Do I like my ask when it is answered? Or do I interact with the game post? I’m a little slow lol

Anyways, have a good day Commander Tulip and best of luck to you in the future. ✨

HENNLLOOOO friend =D

it's okay if you had done that I would've kept it because IIII like you lol

but yo, so glad you could make it haha.

so, five months from now. I'll do this in two parts. the first being a summary and then for each month, I'll try to pinpoint one big thing to look forward to.

summary:: I see you in the next five months being in a great position. the thing is, there is some turbulence. like you'll need to make a quick decision or you'll feel lost because it's not exactly what you wanted. but don't worry about where the road sways. just focus on where you want things...to end. ya know? I think also, there's going to be this need to pull away. it's okay to need time alone. I see some big things coming in for you but they take time. especially if it's about money. you have some strong energies leading you.

my only piece of advice for you during the five months is, if you feel like you need to slow down, slow down. be open to new paths because they'll take you to where you need to go. make plans, outlines, etc. but allow for a little wiggle room. I think there's also someone who wants to help you or connect to you, but there might be some miscommunication that happens.

one:: from now until the end of next month -september - I am seeing that your main theme is going to be about patience. I see you building something stable and remember, five months from now, this stability that you are building in whatever area, is going to blossom. I feel heavily that this could be something material, like money but it doesn't have to be. but yea, this month, patience. it'll be easy to say shit, to try to take the lead, to let other people talk down to you. but trust meeeee, when I say that good things are going to come through for you. just keep yourself in your own plans. let other people talk. they don't have much to say anyway.

two:: this could be about forgiveness, it could be about love, either way, someone here is trying to talk to you. someone who is a strong leader. but this could be you finally recognizing your worth in a situation and not backing down. a lot of self care this month. have that conversation with someone if they step forward. I wouldn't even say to initiate it because you're going to be too busy planning things and looking ahead. but someone, i really feel like, wants to recognize you in some way. you have all the control this month. don't let the other person tell you otherwise.

three:: someone ReALLY wants your attention. again, this could be about love. I am seeing a surprise. and a new beginning. if it's not love, it's the choice to bring more love in. you're going to take a left turn even though you planned for a right. the key here is to remember that even though this path feels new, you are bringing with you ALL the wisdom from before. more planning but man I'm telling you, something is going to be a surprise.

four:; Now we're just jumping right into anxiety. it's okay to pull away from someone right now. there IS something that needs to be spoken about and I believe it's going to bring you a lot of peace. if it's talking about someone, they will understand. if this has to do with a new job, a new beginning, etc. do not let your fear overtake you. YOU WILL be fine. it's just something new like I said. be open to listening to someone if they give you advice. but most importantly, trust yourself during this time. rest if you need to.

five:: again, that feeling of isolation and needing to be alone. let other people in this month. they want to help you. I don't care if you have to force yourself to do this this month. let your voice be heard, be open and honest. People WILL understand. stability is the name of the game and people, friends, family, etc. they WANT to be there. let them comfort you.

#remember what I said #theres something very stable and successful coming your way at the end of all this #but don't let your anxiety win okay?#you will get ther #there #lol

3 notes · View notes

venushasvixens · 4 years

Text

Ch. 6 Confliction - Life is but a Dream (Spike Spiegel x Reader)

[A/N] I really want to give a huge, huge thank you to @tebdundy on tumblr for editing and dealing with my constant check ups and stuff, you are so amazing for helping me. It means a whole lot. You can find more of me on instragram, wattpad, and AO3 (under the same username). Okay, onto the chapter!

WARNING: a lot of angst, rejection

Your ship was on fire. Every belonging, every single thing you had worked so hard for was gone. Your guns, clothes, even appliances you had never given a second thought, gone. And it hit you like a shot. The moment you took in that your ship was on fire, you shut down. Your mind began to wander. What did I do to deserve this? Why is this happening to me?

The next thing you could remember was Spike shaking your shoulders to snap you back to reality. You struggled to form a response. You tried to open your mouth, give some indication that you could feel and see him. In reality, the only thing you could really feel was a dull ache in your spine, each vertebrae mounting with an odd, uncomfortable pain.

The shock was setting in.

You blinked, eyes glassy as you watched firefighters put your ship out of her misery. There was no noise. You couldn't feel your fingertips, your face. You couldn't feel anything. Just that dull ache creeping up your spine.

Thoughts spiraled through your aching head, moving so quickly you could hardly keep up. It felt like you were at war with yourself, trying to keep yourself conscious and cognizant of the situation, while you sank deeper and deeper into your head.

This is just a small hiccup.

Just an obstacle that needed to be conquered, a hurdle you needed to jump over.

This is all your fault, you’ll never bounce back.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Maybe if you hadn’t been so stupid.

You always ruin everything for yourself.

You might as well give up now.

There’s no coming back from this one.

You’re a disappointment.

You’ve failed.

It ate you up like a starving monster devouring a poor soul who crossed its path. Dark tendrils of shame, anger, and sadness weaved into your head, wrapping around your mind and tightening with every passing second. You were going to drown.

Push it down. Push it down. Grieve later. Think now. Grieve later. Think now.

You needed to figure out what you were going to do next. You needed to get out of your head. You desperately tried to claw your way out of this state. Taking a deep breath, you tried to make sense of the chaos around you.

You were sitting on the ground, a blanket draped over your shoulders. You felt the cold stone of the dock under your legs, felt the itchiness of the thick wool wrapped around you. You watched as Jet ran over to Spike, shouting over the sounds of panic that had flooded your head just moments before. Spike was staring at you, his face riddled with concern. You heard him call your name. You didn’t respond.

It was usually so hard to read him, to figure out what he was feeling. But now, it was so incredibly clear. You saw the emotions flashing in his eyes as he called for you again. Loss, guilt, despair, mania, heartbreak.

You felt Jet’s strong hand on your shoulder, shaking it gently.

"Hey kid, you okay?" He said, his brows furrowed.

You swallowed. Do not cry. Do not cry. Wait until you're alone. Push it down.

"I think...I think— a glass of water."

"How much do you have?"

"About 200,000 woolong."

"Well, that ain't much."

"Well, I wasn’t expecting to lose everything I own."

You sipped your coffee slowly as you, Spike and Jet discussed a solution to your giant, unavoidable problem. No matter how much you told them that you were okay and could take care of yourself, they insisted on helping you. Deep down, you appreciated it, because you definitely weren’t okay and wouldn’t be able to take care of yourself, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself.

You picked at the eggs on your plate, imagining sleeping in your own bed right now. Wearing your favorite shirt. Eating breakfast in your small kitchen. Watching the morning news in your room. Maybe have someone with you, showing him everything you owned like an excited child because you were so proud of how far you came from your first bounty to now. Things you’ll never be able to do again.

You felt silly and materialistic, mourning the loss of your belongings. But when you worked so hard for something you wanted for so long, building it up over the years, and losing it all in seconds? It's very hard to not mourn.

You had tried to pack light, to not become attached to material possessions. That was one of the first things that you were told by other bounty hunters. When you had first considered entering this god-forsaken profession, you sought out the help of any bounty hunter you came across, trying to glean any useful knowledge from those more experienced than you. You got too comfortable and started to ignore that piece of advice, and now you’re crying over some clothes and dishes.

But your keepsakes, your souvenirs. Ties to your troubled past. Memories of old friends, places, and happy times. Gone, burnt to a crisp.

"How much is a night stay here in town?" You spoke up, interrupting Spike and Jet’s bickering.

"You don't even want to know. The further you go into the city, the worse the rates are. I looked at a couple of places, and it does not look good." Jet replied, taking a sip from his mug.

"And staying on the streets isn't too good either," Spike muttered.

"Wasn't planning on it, but thanks for the advice." You snapped back.

The tension was thick in the air between you and Spike. Maybe it was because of your interrupted intimacy from the previous night, or the fact that neither of you had slept for the past 24 hours. But you couldn't understand why he was taking his frustration out on you. You hadn’t planned for your ship to burn to ash. You didn’t want to be a burden.

"I have a suggestion. Well, more of a proposal." Jet said.

You perked up. "And what's that?" Even before Jet could say anything, you already felt guilty about it.

"You can stay with us on the Bebop until you find your feet again."

You breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do what now?!" Spike hissed softly.

"But, "Jet held up his hand to Spike, who sighed loudly, annoyed. "I have a few conditions."

It kind of pissed you off how Spike was reacting to all of this. Actually, kind of was an understatement. It really pissed you off, almost offended you on how he was acting. Just a few hours ago, he was desperate to get into your pants, and now he was throwing a hissy fit at the thought of you living on the Bebop. Isn't this a good thing, you being able to spend more time together?

"Just contribute to the Bebop. Whenever you cash in a bounty, set some aside for fuel, food, all that good jazz. Maybe cook dinner sometimes, or clean the bathroom. Other than that, don’t worry about it." Jet said.

A cloud of suspicion settled across your thoughts.

"That's it?" You asked, “Are you sure?”

Jet chuckled. “There’re other rules, but you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. I have a feeling you know how to respect other people’s spaces and belongings. Just don’t do anything stupid.”

You glanced at Spike, who was leaning back, staring out the window. He met your gaze, eyes unreadable once again. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He felt like an entirely new person, one who just wanted you to piss off and leave him to his business. You tried to shrug off his sudden coldness, but it bothered you. It stung.

The walk back to the Bebop wasn't too bad, but trying to initiate a conversation with Spike was difficult. All he did was grunt in response, a few "oh yeah”s and “huh”s thrown in for good measure. You hoped it was because he was tired, and not that he was pissed off that you were going to be invading his space.

The guilt was heavy on your shoulders. You certainly weren’t a freeloader, but you couldn't help but feel like you had already overstayed your welcome. And you haven’t even stepped foot on the ship yet. You didn't want Spike to be distant from you. Even though you had just met him, you wanted him to be closer to you than anyone else. You wanted to reach out to him, hold onto him and never let him go. Instead, he was pushing you away.

You weren’t good with rejection. Rejection defined who you were today and had been a driving factor to almost everything in your life. You had managed to take ahold of those haunting feelings and build them into a hard shell to protect yourself, vowing to never show your vulnerability or true feelings. You had pushed the old version of you so deep down that it would never escape. You had been doing so well, but the last few days had shown you that the hard work you put into being a completely emotionless bitch was all for nothing.

Jet was going into an extensive explanation of the ship, where you could take a shower, where your room was. He explained that the Bebop was once a fishing ship from Ganymede, and how he had fixed it up to be a high-tech, fully functional ship of today (his words, not yours).

"She operates well when treated right. However, some of our crew members would say otherwise." Jet grumbled. "Speaking of, did Faye tell you-"

"I haven't seen Faye since two days ago. Her ship was still gone, the last I saw." Spike muttered, throwing his jacket over his shoulder. "Besides, why do you care?"

Jet held up his hands. "It was just a question. Jeez." Spike muttered something in response.

You suddenly remembered the bounty on Faye’s head, but it didn’t really matter right now. That was all on the back burner for now, seeing as every plan you could think of required a ship that wasn’t the one Faye was living on. And you really didn't want to make enemies of your new crew this early on. All you cared about right now was taking a shower to wash all of last night's events off you and getting some shut-eye.

You wondered whether Jet was aware of your previous intentions of collecting the big bounty on Faye. You had asked him if Faye was joining the group for dinner last night, with no context. There was no answer, but that also could mean he took in what you said and was processing what you really intended to do if Faye did show up at the dinner. Remembering your first meeting with Spike, he told you clearly he doesn't care if she got captured or not. So you have two people who are on opposite ends of the discussion. One is in charge of the Bebop and which bounties to pursue, and the other one likes to smoke and philosophize.

The obvious correct choice was clear, but you decide to choose the latter.

"When you come in, don't be too surprised by some of our unique characters." Jet remarked. "You've already met us two, but there are a few more along the way."

"I like to think I'm also a unique character, so we should get along." You replied happily, a tint of exhaustion underlying in your words. Spike scoffed, walking over to open the small hatch.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You snapped, a full night's worth of frustration threatening to overflow in the form of obscenities and insults.

"Are you talking to me?" Spike said over his shoulder, punching in the security numbers on the small pad. The hatch to the side of the Bebop creaked open, landing on the stone pier with a hard thunk. "I’m tired. And when I’m tired, I don’t put my energy into pulling punches and being nice.Got it, (Y/N)?"

You bit down on your tongue. "Never mind. What were you saying, Jet?"

You could hear a quiet, "Yeah that's what I thought." echoing up into the Bebop. Rolling it off your shoulders, you turned your focus to Jet as you both walked into the ship.

Opening a round metal door, you looked up to see a dimming bulb illuminating the cylinder passage. The walls were yellowing, patched with dark, aging metal, and littered with hazard signs. Jet walked over to a ladder bolted on the wall and began to climb.

"I'll tell you, you’ll get a real workout just getting around this ship." Jet laughed, his voice bouncing off the walls.

"Are there a lot of these around the ship?" You said, following.

"Oh yeah, plenty. But if you stay in the living area, you don’t really need to worry about them. I'll show you around anyway, just in case we need you to get something. We wouldn’t want you to get lost." Jet smiled.

He hopped into the center gravity passage, holding out his hand to you. You grabbed it gratefully, not realizing how much of a drop it was to the floor of the tube until you looked back down.

"Oh damn." You exclaimed, looking down. "That's pretty far."

"It’s just 15 feet. Your eyes must be playing tricks on you." Jet chuckled, closing the metal door. "Alright, so this is the lower gravity passage. It leads to the living area, that includes bedrooms, kitchen and living room, and to the storage area."

Spike was nowhere to be seen in the passage. You assumed he was already in the living room, smoking before heading off to bed. Jet opened a sliding metal door marked “Storage”. You peered into the dark room.

"This is where we keep extra ammunition, supplies, and medical boxes.”

Jet pressed a button next to the storage door, one that opened to the living area. The walls were a gradient blue color, illuminated with warm lighting. The staircase was a dark, metallic gold leading to a dark blue platform. On the floor was a yellow couch, and across from it was a single matching seat. In between them sat a knee-level coffee table with a holoTV, a computer, and someone's breakfast. Jet walked in first, stepping down. "This is the living room.” He pointed to the set on top of the table. “You’re welcome to use the holoTV and the computer, everybody shares them.” He chuckled. “I’m not sure whose breakfast that is, but don’t touch it. People are pretty possessive of food on this ship.”

Right as you took a step in, you heard the light pattering of paws bouncing into the living room. From a staircase leading down, two small light brown ears popped up. Then two big brown eyes peered over, searching for the source of commotion in the room.

"You guys have a dog?!" You asked, practically jumping down the stairs. The small Welsh corgi was seemingly just as excited as you were, running and tripping up the stairs to meet you. You extended your hand, letting him sniff you.

Jet chuckled. "Cute little thing, isn't he? His name is Ein."

"Oh, he's adorable. Who’s a good boy?" You cooed, bending down to rub Ein's ears. He stretched his head out, his little stumpy tail going a hundred miles a minute.

"And usually tagging along with Ein is-" Jet was interrupted by the pounding footsteps coming from downstairs.

"They're back, they're back, they're back!" a scrawny red-headed kid rejoiced, waving their arms about. "Ed was worried, but now Jet’s back, and Ed is okay again!"

The kid's smile stretched from ear to ear, clearly more than ecstatic to see Jet back home. They grabbed the plate from on top of the table and plopped down next to a box with a computer on top. They gobbled up what was left of their food, before bending their head back to get a look at you. "Who are you?"

"This is (Y/N), they're going to be staying on the Bebop for a little bit." Jet replied, walking over to the table. He turned back to you. "Ed is a computer genius and a damn good hacker. You ever need someone to work out some malicious malware, Ed’s your girl."

“Hi, it's nice to meet you." You said, giving Ed a small smile and a wave. She scampered over to you on all fours with her behind high in the air, chattering to herself.

“Stranger, changer, danger! Hihi...”

You laughed nervously, glancing back at Jet, who was standing with his arms crossed, looking amused. The girl stopped at your feet. “Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth,” she said matter of factly. Ed grabbed your hand and sniffed. You had met some oddballs in your time, but this one took the cake. She made a face and jumped back, her hands covering her nose and mouth. "Ed thinks you stink!"

You sucked in air between your teeth. Did you really smell that bad, or was it another talent of this child prodigy? That’s so embarrassing. "Is it that noticeable?"

Jet half-smiled. "Doesn't bother me none. Thought I wouldn’t mention it till you could do somethin about it."

He was just going to let you find out later? No wonder Spike didn't want to be anywhere near you. It wasn’t even your first day of being on the Bebop, and you were not making a great first impression.

"Let me show you the kitchen." Jet motioned for you to follow up a small set of stairs through a large circular door frame leading down a small hallway. You turned into the kitchen, completed with a fridge, stove, oven, and a small countertop. The kitchen was dark, the only light in the room was the dimming orange ashes of Spike's cigarette falling on the floor. He was leaning against the countertop, staring down at his cig.

"There you are, Spike." Jet flipped the lights on, revealing a slightly disorderly kitchen. Spike winced, covering his eyes.

"Jesus, Jet give me a warning next time," Spike mumbled, his voice deep and raspy. Your annoyance and anger at him suddenly disappeared. That voice. You wanted to hear that voice again. You wanted to put your hand on his chest and feel the vibrations of that voice. Every time you tried to find some way to be mad at him again, he just had to stand there, looking cool and intoxicatingly seductive. You craved him like an alcoholic craved whiskey.

"Are you finished with the grand tour?" Spike asked, his heavy-lidded eyes looking away from you and Jet.

"Not yet, but I was hoping you could finish it."

"I’m not in the mood for hospitality right now. I'm going to bed." Spike said, making his way to the door.

"Just show her on the way there. And be nice, she's our guest." Jet warned, sorting the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink.

"Yeah, show me some respect." You teased. But Spike clearly was not in the mood. Instead, he turned away from you, rolling his eyes, and walked out of the kitchen

Jet patted you on the back. "Give him a minute, he'll come around."

"Thank you for everything, Jet. It means a lot." You smiled.

"Don't sweat it, kid. Go ahead and get some rest. If anything comes up, I'll send the cavalry after you." He said, gesturing to the living room.

You took a deep breath before heading out of the kitchen. Ed was sitting motionless in a trance-like state, her eyes engulfed with giant goggles. Ein lay peacefully on the couch, watching as you followed Spike down the steps into the living room.

This was the first time you and Spike had been alone since last night. Just hours ago, you were definitely not afraid to touch him. Now, you didn't even want to take a step near him.

"Are you coming or what?" Spike called out impatiently, already halfway downstairs to the lower part of the living area. "I don't have all day."

"I'm here." You raced over, gliding your hand down the rail. Spike continued his way down, turning around a corner. The walk down the hallway was quiet, the silence uncomfortable. Neither of you wanted to do small talk. Spike probably didn’t want to talk at all, but you had to know. You had to ask him.

"Spike?” you asked quietly. You wrung your fingers around each other anxiously. Spike stayed silent, his quick pace faltering before coming to a stop in front of a door.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” You finally asked. Spike seemed to tense up, his jaw clenching. Deciding to press on further, you continued.

“I umm,” you mumbled, “I may have been drunk and you probably were too, but why are you so cold to me now when we were literally about f-“

“This is the bathroom. It has a tub and a shower.” Spike interrupted. Your heart dropped to your stomach. So much for answers. “There should be some clean towels. You can wash your clothes upstairs, Jet can show you where the washer is. Your room’s gonna be the first door you see when you reach the top of the stairs. It’ll be all yours till you leave.”

Spike puffed out a cloud of smoke before making his way slowly down the hallway. You looked at him in disbelief. He definitely remembers. And he’s rejecting it. You and him. Cutting it off before it starts, pushing you away.

You stepped into the bathroom, letting the door shut behind you before tears of anger and resentment started to fall down your face. How can you feel so much emotion for someone who shows none? You lost your home and belongings. You didn’t want to lose anything else.

After a long hot shower, you stood in front of the mirror, combing your fingers through your hair. You were going to have to get essentials eventually, a comb and a toothbrush would be nice. But that would have to wait. You rubbed circles on your temple, your impending exhaustion headache approaching fast.

After drying yourself off, you slipped your old clothes back on. It felt awful putting dirty clothes on your clean body, but you were not about to walk around the ship in a towel. You had already dug yourself a deep enough hole with Spike, you didn’t want to traumatize Jet, the kid, or the dog.

As you wrapped your hair in a towel, you heard shouting from outside. You combed through who it could be. Spike and Jet. Or Jet and Ed. Or Spike and Ein, or Ein and Ed. There were quite a few combinations.

“First fight on the Bebop.” You muttered to yourself. “So excited.”

This was so ridiculous, you couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. All you had to do was walk past and not get involved. Unless it was about you, then you would at least try to defend yourself. You opened the door, listening intently.

“What the fuck-“ more shouting. “And you bastards decide to tell me now?!” A shrill female voice was yelling. A table got knocked over. You could hear stomping and more shouting. “Well, where the hell are they?!”

Whoop, time to hide.

You shut the door and the latch clicked with a loud cathunk. You hoped they hadn’t heard it. You were down a big hallway, there was no way that they could’ve heard it. You had a pretty good idea of who the screaming was coming from, and you were not ready to meet her right now.

The sounds of stomping grew louder, getting closer to the bathroom door. Your fight-or-flight mode started to set in. With how pissed she sounded, stomping and roaring, this may as well be a life-or-death situation.

You rolled your neck, stretching your arms out. If you needed to defend yourself, you were going to have to do it bare-knuckled. No guns, knives, bars of soap, nothing. You flexed your hands, cracking your knuckles. You planted yourself in front of the door. The footsteps outside stopped. This was it! You were ready for anything.

Bam!

The door slid open. Faye Valentine stood on the other side, hands on her hips. She was panting from her ranting and raving in the other room. She smiled, her eyes a little too wide. You couldn’t tell if she was happy, crazy, or surprised.

“Hi there, you must be our newest crew member! My name is Faye, it’s so nice to meet you, girly!” She beamed, her eyes manic.

Not the response you were expecting. “It’s nice to meet you too, I’m (Y/N).” You held out your hand. She took it, her soft palms gripping your hand a little bit too tight. She shook your hand. She kept shaking. And shaking. You pulled back, trying your best to put on a friendly face.

“Sorry if I’m hogging the bathroom, there was an accident last night and I was so dirty, I just had to have a shower.” You smiled, stepping to the side.

“Oh no! You’re totally fine. I was just looking for the toilet, I guess I got lost.” She replied, waving her hand.

“The toilet’s just across the hall from your room, how long have you been here-“ Jet was cut off by Faye’s elbow jabbing him in the ribs. Jet grabbed his side in pain, giving you a half-smile.

“Well, I’d love to chat, but I’m really tired. I’m going to go get some sleep.” You smiled apologetically and gestured to the stairs.

Jet and Faye’s voices mingled with each other, overlapping into a confusing symphony of hospitality and kindness.

“Yeah, no worries!”

“Call us if you need anything!”

“We’ll be right here!”

Smiling, you gave a small wave, turned around, and basically sprinted down the hallway to the living room. You heard Faye hiss, “You didn’t tell me she was a girl, dumbass.”

“I was going to before you blew up at me. If you had let me finish, I would’ve. Why are you so pissed off about another crew member, anyway?”

“I’m tired of all the men on this ship, I didn’t want another one. And I thought they were going to take my room...”

Their bickering trailed off as you climbed up the two sets of stairs to your new room. Ed was still on the floor with her goggles on, humming to herself, seemingly oblivious to the fight that had just happened. Ein cautiously sniffed the overturned table, before settling onto the floor next to Ed, resting his head on her lap. You would’ve said goodnight, but they seemed to be in their own little world and you were happy to let them stay like that.

When you reached the top of the stairs, you saw two doors directly across from each other, one on each side of the landing. Spike had said it was “the first door you’d see”, but that wasn’t particularly helpful in this situation. Hoping you were correct, you quietly walked over to the door to your left, pressing the button to open it.

Your breath hitched as the door opened to see Spike fast asleep in his bed. He snored lightly, sleeping so deeply he didn’t hear the hiss and clink of the door opening. His arms were behind his head and the steady rise and fall of his bare chest was hypnotic. Even asleep he was really, really attractive. You fumbled over yourself trying to shut the door. It finally latched, and you let out a breath.

Sighing, you turned towards the door behind you. This one had to be it. You opened it to see a small, sparse room. Closing the door behind you, you flipped on the light. Pushed up against the far wall was a simple bed, and to your right was a small desk built into the wall with an old armchair next to it. There was a closet in the far corner, but the door was locked and some large boxes were stacked in front of it. They must not get many guests, it seemed like this room was mainly used for storage.

Feeling the ache of exhaustion overtaking your body, you flopped onto the bed. It was surprisingly soft, with a pillow and tan comforter neatly folded on top. You didn’t know how to thank Jet for being so kind and accommodating. Next time you cashed in a big bounty, you were going to set aside some woolongs to buy him a thank you gift.

On top of the pillow, you noticed a pair of black shorts and a yellow button-up. Pinned to the shirt was a note, clearly written in a hurry.

Some clean clothes. You smell like shit.

-S

You laughed. He’s straight-talking, that’s for sure. You slipped on the shorts and buttoned the shirt halfway up. Spreading out the comforter, you crawled underneath. You were already half-asleep, and thinking about how breathtakingly attractive Spike looked asleep relaxed you even more. Your mental snapshot of your accidental encounter was glued to your eyelids. It was never going to happen again, but you got to have one taste of beauty while here.

You gently wrapped your arms around your pillow, thoughts of Spike disappearing into clouds of empty dreams. It was so much better to fall asleep to thinking of someone, rather than no one at all.

And even though it was going to hurt, you would do it again and again.

[A/N] all I got to say is fasten your seatbelts for the next chapter, slut puppies.

#faye valentine #cowboy bebop #90s anime #jet black #radical edward #adult swim #toonami #ein #fanfiction #spike spiegel x reader #spike spiegel #see ya space cowboy

82 notes · View notes