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sandinmybed · 3 months ago

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Please tell me about prophecy and the seventh sign and any other movies/media that explores the dynamics you're talking about I wanna hear!!

WALL OF TEXT!

For anyone reading this who doesn't know what this is about, I am recommending movies with religious themes that are not like... NICE religious. These are more along the lines of "Angels do not have free will and exist to do God's bidding - God's will frequently involves horrible, horrible things. Source: the Bible." My mother, who was raised to be devoutly Protestant and is now a devout atheist with religious trauma, loves movies like this. She calls them "nasty angel movies" but in general she likes things with religious themes that aren't preachy - and in fact might be the opposite. She likes media with the premise that God (of abrahamic faiths, particularly christianity) is real, but not benevolent. i'm struggling to define this genre because it's late lol

so, The Prophecy (1995)! fucking great movie. it's told mostly from the perspective of a detective who was previously training to be a catholic priest but lost his faith because of horrible visions. Christopher Walken portrays the angel Gabriel who has come to claim an extremely evil soul as a weapon for a second war in heaven. he is NOT a nice angel. i THINK the angels are upset that God has focused all His energy on humanity? but i may be misremembering. anyway this evilest soul ever has been placed temporarily in the body of a little native american girl who immediately becomes ill and is looked after by her teacher mostly, and Gabriel is looking for it and he's the villain of the movie, basically. it does have potentially uh,, slightly 90s ideas of Native American spirituality? possibly problematic/stereotyping? but i'm british and know almost nothing about native americans so i can't tell you if it's egregiously bad, or if its just a bit cringe. but the movie itself is really really good imo. also, Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer. Can't really go into that too much without spoilers, but he's INCREDIBLE. He makes the entire film.

I personally loved it because Gabriel is the angel who told Mary she would be giving birth to the son of God, right? most children raised in Western Christian nations are familiar with the Nativity and angel Gabriel above all others. But he's not a nice guy here - he's a servant of God, and he's mad about it. He uses humans as tools, kills, he's horrible lol. Interestingly, wikipedia seems to suggest that most people thought it was bad but it's gone on to become a cult film? idk i think its great.

Seventh Sign (1988) I didn't enjoy as much (personal opinion, my mum loves it) but the concept is really good. Basically, signs of the biblical apocalypse are happening and mostly being explained away, but they're happening. Leans a little bit into Hebrew theology too. A woman (demi moore) is pregnant with a baby, but there were a limited amount of souls in heaven, and now the first baby without a soul is soon to be born, and it's hers.

My mother also recommends Devil's Advocate (1997) which I've not seen myself but the main actors are Keanu Reeves and Al Pacino so I reckon it must be good lol. From the wikipedia it seems to be more of a horror, so if you have triggers I'd search on "does the dog die" (i've heard it's good for spoiler free trigger warnings) but according to wikipedia: "Based on Andrew Neiderman's 1990 novel of the same name, it is about a gifted young Florida lawyer invited to work for a major New York City law firm. As his wife becomes haunted by frightening visions, the lawyer slowly realizes the firm's owner, John Milton, is in fact, the Devil."

She also likes Constantine and Legion but i've not seen either nor talked to her about them so can't say anything about those lol

also this is a series and not a movie but I NEED you to watch Midnight Mass. it's by the same director who did The Fall of the House of Usher and the Haunting of Hill House and it's just absolutely incredible. It's a single series and it's about a village of like, a hundred or so people that's dying because small village. it's quite a religious town, the centre of the community is the catholic church, and the aging and senile priest has gone on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. He doesn't return, and instead, a younger, unknown priest returns with new enigmatic sermons and then he performs actual miracles - he heals a girl in a wheelchair, for example. I don't want to spoil this but weird shit starts happening and it's a horror series again. My mum particularly liked (hated) a character called Bev Keane, she said she reminded her of her mother. The most miserable, awful, religious zealot, who never actually says anything cruel - she hides her awfulness behind scripture and religious quotes and is impossible to argue with or accuse of anything because she serves god! she's awful in such a hard to define way. Honestly the whole series is fantastic, and it's so well done. its one of those series where its impossible to make a sequel because its done perfectly. can you tell i liked this one

Also i think everyone on tumblr knows this one, but Good Omens. Obviously not a horror show like the others, and the "bad angels who are meant to only do god's will" thing is taken much more lightly here, but still worthy of inclusion imo. The book and the series are different, but not hugely. Humorous take on the apocalypse, and a demon and an angel who've been watching over earth for 6000 years and have decided actually, they like earth, and they dont want it to explode because heaven and hell are actually full of pricks and they dont want to deal with them, theyre too busy enjoying earth. so they decide to stop the apocalypse. they're not very good and it all goes a bit wrong a few times.

Final "religious themes" rec is Small Gods by Terry Pratchett, who also cowrote good omens and it's not actually about christian religion or angels but I think it's worth a mention because it's about a young monk called Brutha who is training in the city of Omnia, a religious city state on the Discworld that is devoted solely to the worship of the Great God Om. The church of Om run the entire city and everyone is a believer, the church is ultimately powerful, and everyone lives in fear of upsetting the church. And then the Great God Om is dropped from the sky from the talons of an eagle, and lands in a garden in the main church citadel - because he's a tortoise. He's been stuck in the form of a tortoise for years because he has no power anymore, because in Pratchett's discworld, there are many many gods and they only have power if someone believes in them. Om has just one believer - Brutha. Brutha is the only person in the ENTIRE CITY who actually believes in the god they claim to worship - the rest just believe in the system, in the religion and in oppression, because that's very real. Brutha knows more about Omnian religion than Om does, because to say Om was an absentee god is putting it mildly. it was the first discworld book i read and it's what got me into the series, it's absolutely great. Also really, really funny as well as reorients your worldview a bit. Pratchett is good at that

okay i need to stop, I have work in the morning, but hopefully this enormous wall of text wasn't too much for you!

#religious themes #ask #religious trauma #the prophecy #the prophecy 1995 #the seventh sign 1988 #good omens #small gods #midnight mass #movie recs #film recs #movie recommendation #movies

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thebindingofpillo · 2 years ago

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Lilith

Some of you are about to get real mad at me.

While Lilith is traditionally considered Adam’s first wife, that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, her status as mother of all demons is also false because Lilith is not a demon at all, she’s a monster. Or at least she was, before making a deal with Satan, we will explain everything in due time. I wanted to make a separate post about the differences between demons and monsters, but there’s not much to say about them, so I’ll condense everything here.

Monster = mortal, weaker than demons (but still stronger than a human though), their magic is more specialised and requires physical things like blood ad flesh (usually human blood and flesh) to work. Unlike demons, who are naturally evil, monsters can be more morally grey, and while there’s a lot of them who eat and kill humans for whatever reason, friendly monsters do exist.They are born, not created, and are native to Earth. Monsters were incredibly common on Earth in the ancient times, but were progressively driven out of their habitats by humans, which brought most of them to extinction. Nowadays monsters are very few, tend to stick to their own communities or blend into human society and fly under the radar. This is what Lilith does, she’s a preschool teacher and lives a quiet life with her Incubus. Demon = immortal, have access to more magical powers (and brimstone!) and are born in hell, which is on a different plane of existence. They can still visit Earth, but it takes time and energy. And also they’re all evil. Sorry.

Lilith is a Hebrew word, that might derive from the Akkadian Lilitu, which might derive from the Sumerian Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke (or just lil). All of these words describe a type of female monster that lives at night and preys on men (If you’re a nerd like me, here’s the handy video that started this whole thing lmao). The noun (yes, noun) “lilith” is used exactly once in the Bible (Isaiah 34:14) and is translated as “lamia” in the Greek version of Symmachus (dated around 200 c.e.) and the Latin Vulgata, which is another type of female monster that feeds on children and kills men after seducing them. Everything fits. King James’ bible translates lilith as “screeching owl” so I decided to co-opt that for her design, and give her some feathers.

And now for the actual lore, the preamble is done I swear.

Note: I’m gonna use “lamia” when talking about the creature, and “Lilith” when talking about the character What are lamias (in my AU) Lamias are a type of female monster whose powers revolve around illusions and transformation. Their normal state is usually of half-bird women with pronounced snake features (like Lilith in her normal form), but they can turn into full snake ladies if they need to (usually to protect their territory, or fight off other lamias). Doing so requires a lot of energy, and is a difficult form to maintain, even for the oldest, most powerful ones. Lamias can also turn into beautiful women to better attract men, their main source of food. They are also known to feed on human children, who are usually kidnapped from their homes and eaten whole. Lamias can feed on women and cattle too, but this is quite uncommon and usually only done in dire situations, like after a war. They are all females. Male lamias do not exist. This is another reason why they need men: they cannot reproduce by themselves.

Lamias usually live in family groups, composed by a matriarch and her (often many) daughters and her granddaughters. Once the matriarch dies, the eldest daughter takes her place, and so on and so forth. These groups can get quite large! So much so that sometimes, the oldest daughters might leave their mother to create their own pack somewhere else (usually due to lack of food and resources).While lamias prefer forest terrain and hotter climates, any place with a lot of hiding spots and a decent dry season is enough for them. It’s not uncommon to find them chilling amongst abandoned buildings, or in the mountains, in caves etc. they’re very adaptable, and while their wings might seem small, they’re still able to travel long distances to find a perfect place for them. Note: their wings are usually only accessible in full snake form.

Lamia culture is usually passed down orally from mother to daughter. They worship the Earth as the First Mother, from which every creature came, and to which every creature will return after death. Their rituals usually revolve around fertility, love, abundance of preys etc. I still don’t know if they believe in the afterlife, but they probably believe that once dead, they return to the womb of the First Mother, where they can rest in eternal bliss and be loved forever. With deforestation, poaching and human being less afraid of monsters in general, lamia population has greatly decreased, and with them being mortal, there could be a very concrete possibility that Lilith is the last lamia alive.

Lilith time for real this time Lilith is a sweetheart. A big softie and a hopeless romantic, perfectly content in her quiet life of preschool teacher. She likes cheesy romcoms, long walks and hot chocolate, but it wasn’t always that way for her. Born a little after the birth of the Roman Empire (around… 40/45 AD, she’s the youngest of the immortals), Lilith used to live in a secluded forest with her mother and sisters (and her daughters too, even if she didn’t have that many yet), occasionally luring men in, eating human flesh and generally having a good time. Think… Libia. Around there. I don’t know. Somewhere with both trees and Roman occupation, I’m not gonna pour more hours into this character PLEASE I’m doing all of this for free. Anyway, life was good for her and her family, until one day Cain passed through that forest, looking for a new place to live after he was exiled for the umpteenth time. Lilith immediately noticed the man and tried to entice him, but Cain (who had at least a couple of millennia more of experience) was not having it. He just wanted to leave the forest behind and find a new home, he didn’t have time to entertain a lamia, so he booked it out of there as soon as he could. Unfortunately, Lilith took that as a challenge and started chasing after him, hoping to tire him out enough to pounce him and put an end to his existence. The chase lasted two whole weeks by the way, but at that point Lilith was too stubborn to let it go. Cain was smart enough to always stop in densely populated areas as to lose his scent and get some extra protection (lamias and monster in general were already close to extinction at the time, and usually steered clear of human cities) but even with the best precautions, Lilith managed to corner him and finally get to him, but she was also exhausted after two weeks of constant chase, and could only knock him down and give him a couple of nasty bites. Cain still has the scars to this day. Sadly, Lilith was not aware of the other, worse part of Cain’s curse, so when she hurt him, her destiny took a turn for the worst. The man managed to wiggle free of her grasp, and while Lilith would have gladly chased after him some more, she realised she had been away from home for way too long, so turned back, only to find her beloved forest and family gone forever. In the weeks she was away, a Roman troop had levelled the forest, cutting down all the trees, killing her mother and sisters and selling her youngest daughters into slavery. She was desperate, and vowed to take revenge on the whole humankind, and that’s when things got even worse! Hearing her cries and pleads for revenge, Satan himself, king of hell, decided to pay her a visit. He offered her eternal life, a chance at taking back what was hers, and in return she would become his, in body and soul, and help him grow his army even further (which is a very fancy way of saying Lilith would become his wife, give him children, and he could also do whatever he wanted to her). Now, Lilith would have never accepted such a rotten deal, but she was incredibly desperate and in a very vulnerable position, and Satan knew that. He played her and used her trauma as an excuse to grow closer to her, promising her he would help her take revenge on the people who wronged her, and would even help her save some of her family, if there was anything to be saved.

Anyway, Lilith accepted the deal, and thus became immortal. Her new home was in Hell, ruling at Satan’s side… only he didn’t really want her ruling anything at all. He was a terrible husband, let me tell you. Once he secured the deal, Lilith was just another unfortunate soul to exploit, so he relegated her somewhere in Hell, and only came to visit once in a while, to check in on her and maybe send her on some errands. Pretty soon, Lilith became restless, and started pushing for her husband to hold up his end of the deal, only Satan wasn’t really planning to. In a fit of rage, he gouged out her eyes, and left her helpless and without sight. Luckily Lilith was immortal now, and losing her eyes didn’t kill her. She could even put them back in again, if Satan let her, but he usually kept her eyes hidden on him all the time, in a little satchel around his neck, only letting her have her sight back if he needed Lilith to run some errands for him. Satan kept her blind to control her better. After enough time, Lilith decided that a life of servitude to a man she didn’t even love wasn’t cutting it, so she walked out of Hell. She was strong, she could handle being blind, and even managed to snatch one of Satan’s little minions on the way out, her trusted Incubus. It was a meagre victory, but at least now she was free, and the Incubus useful enough. Sadly, there wasn’t much she could do about her revenge now. The Roman Empire had fallen while she was in hell, and the men who killed her family were already long dead and forgotten. She managed to meet Cain again after a while, in a different place, as different people, and the two actually became friends. This friendship would only grow stronger over the centuries, Lilith being one of the very few people Cain could be fully open, and while Cain could be considered the source of Lilith’s misery, she was quite understanding of the nature of his curse, and while it took some time, she came to understand that it wasn’t his fault.

Where is Lilith now. As said before, Lilith is now enjoying a quiet life. She works as a preschool teacher (children have always been her passion). She lives in the same city as the majority of the rest of the cast (her and Maggy are coworkers too!) and maintains a close friendship with Cain. Her magic has greatly diminished over the millennia because she firmly refuses to consume human flesh. She doesn’t really see the point in it anymore, since her whole family is gone and monsters are incredibly few. What little of her magic remains, she uses to keep a human form during the day, so she can work and run errands without much trouble. She could theoretically return to her full powers (and even transform fully into a lamia) with some generous blood donations, but it’s not really something she has any desire to do. Over the years she’s ha many relationships, some even quite serious, but tried her best not to have children. She doesn’t know if her immortality would be transferred to her daughters and doesn’t want to run the risk of seeing her children die. Incubus is still with her after all these years, and while she can’t exactly take him out like a normal pet, he can still follow her everywhere by hiding in her poofy hair. He loves it.

Other stuff that I couldn’t fit anywhere else

Lilith is not her real name! That’s just another name for her species, like calling someone “human”. Her real name is unpronounceable by a human mouth, and with lamias being basically extinct, she’s made her peace with the fact nobody will ever call her that again. While “Lilith” is not an ideal name (she prefers going by “Lily”) it’s still okay.

Can sustain herself with human food too! Just prefers her meat extra rare. This is how she maintains that little magic she needs to turn human.

Incubus is sentient, but to a lesser degree. He’s like a very intelligent animal (his ref is coming eventually I didn’t have time for it UGH)

I hope you enjoy her! I did not proofread anything of this, just take it.

#reincarnation AU (working title)#tboi reincarnation #tboi lilith #tboi #binding of isaac #the binding of isaac #tboi repentance #tboi rebirth #tboi au #pillart #lore post

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exvangelicalrage · 1 year ago

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Sin Is Fake

6/5/23

I realized something this week. Which is that I don't believe in sin. Obviously, I don't believe in a lot of things, including god, christianity, and literally anything, haha, but I realized this week that I'd been taking the idea of "sin" as a given.

The idea of sin has been a constant in my life since my birth; only a few weeks after we came home from the hospital, my parents had me "dedicated" in front of the church congregation, which is the protestant alternative to the catholic baby baptisms. Instead of saving your soul, however, it's merely a commitment by christian parents to "raise their child in the way he should go" or whatever. And in this case, that meant raising their child to believe they were inherently sinful and needed to be saved by jesus in order to go to heaven.

I've long determined that people are not inherently sinful; that babies are not evil from the moment they are beget; that children do not need to plead forgiveness for imagined wrongs.

But the idea that perhaps sin simply... doesn't exist at all? That is new.

When I was five, I kneeled next to my bed on the pink throw rug my great grandmother had given me, clasped my hands together, and said, "Dear jesus, please come into my heart and forgive me." As I said the words, there was a deep sense of "this is what I'm supposed to do in order to get to heaven." I hadn't quite put together the "I'm sinful and need to be forgiven" part, despite the emphasis on that during Sunday school and vacation bible school, but I knew the words and I said them and I meant them.

But as I grew, it didn't take me long to fully understand what "sin" was.

Sin was whining about chores. Sin was arguing with my brothers. Sin was being obstreperous. Sin was reading instead of cleaning my room. Sin was talking back to my parents. Sin was watching other kids get picked on in school and doing nothing. Sin was not wanting to do my homework. Sin was getting bad grades. Sin was not listening to the teacher. Sin was watching movies. And listening to secular music. And reading books with swear words in them.

Sin was doing anything that upset my parents for any reason.

Sin was lack of total perfection.

Sin was making god mad.

I asked for forgiveness regularly. As a 7 year old. As a 10 year old. As a 12 year old. I knew my soul was irreparably blackened, and jesus was the only one who could cleanse me and guarantee my way into heaven.

When I reached my teenage years, I continued to pray for forgiveness, but I tacked on an extra little request at the end of my prayers: "Please forgive me, and also, if you notice me doing something wrong, could you just let me know?"

"If I'm doing something and don't realize it's a sin, could you please point it out to me?"

"I'm not entirely sure quite what I'm doing wrong, but I know it must be something, so please forgive me even for stuff I don't realize is wrong."

It's a pretty heavy weight, to walk around thinking that you're perpetually committing grievous offenses but have no idea what they are. To believe that god is incessantly watching every movement, every choice, and every thought, and judging you accordingly. Especially as a child. And sure, the pastors said "his blood covers it all" but what does that even mean? And if his blood covers "it all" why couldn't we just be regular people? Why did we have to focus on being as perfect as possible?

The thing is, though, the existence of sin is necessary to christianity. If humans weren't inherently "sinful" then what would the point of christianity be? Because if we weren't inherently sinful, nothing would be preventing us from accessing heaven. We wouldn't need jesus, we wouldn't need the bible, and most of all, we wouldn't need the church.

Sin, at least in a christian context, is a direct and willful violation of god's will. But in order for it to be real, a.) god has to exist, and b.) we have to be able to determine what his will is—irrefutably. But since god (if he exists) hasn't provided a clear-cut directive... how can we possibly ensure that we aren't violating god's will? And if we can't know his will, we can't violate it on purpose.

Hence, sin is fake.

But if pastors, leaders, humans make clear-cut statements that say, "This is wrong and I know because god told me so," then they can claim that your violation of their commandments is sin, and in doing so, they strip access to heaven from you.

The idea of sin allows humans to control other humans. Even humans who don't believe in their ideology.

But if sin doesn't exist in the first place? That hill they're standing on is nothing but air.

To be clear, I think mistakes are real. I think we can do things that we wish we hadn't. I think we can cause harm. We can do things that upset or cause pain or discomfort toward other people, ourselves, or the world around us.

But sin? Nah.

I think I still carry this weight, even though I left christianity over a decade ago.

It's clearest for me in this subconscious pressure that suggests I'm "living a sinful lifestyle," despite the fact that even according to christian standards, my "lifestyle," as it were, is pretty innocuous. I'm straight & hetero, married and monogomous, donate and volunteer to causes, mind my own business most of the time. But I do swear. And read romance novels (with sex scenes *gasp*). And I'm not christian. Which all equals "sinful lifestyle" in my subconscious, I guess.

But there's a lot of freedom in being able to look an action in the face and say "What harm does this cause?" If the answer is "It causes no harm," I can move on with my life. And if the answer is "It causes this specific harm," then I can remediate to the best of my ability.

Litter? I can donate to an environmental organization or pick up more trash than I dropped.

Give voice to my internal biases, even unintentionally? Apologize immediately and truthfully. Or donate to an anti-racist/feminist/trans-inclusionary/disability activist organization if an apology isn't possible. Or all of the above!

Steal something? Give it back. Pay for it. Go to jail. Whatever. Make amends.

There is freedom in accountability. There is freedom in taking responsibility for my misdeeds. I don't need jesus or christianity to "save" me. All I need to do is own up to my behaviors, decisions, and choices, and the consequences therein.

I can make amends. All by myself. No penance, priest, or prayer necessary.

If everyone did this, instead of just "praying for forgiveness," I think the world would be a lot less shitty place.

-----

A not-exactly side note:

If I'm being honest, I think this whole blog is partially about me trying to make amends in a way. It's also therapy through writing, an exploration of my feelings, and a process to think through some of the concepts and ideas that still nag at me. But I could do all of that without sharing it online.

The one thing I feel more guilty about than anything in my life, was the evangelism I did as a teenager. I talked down to other people. Tried to convince them they were evil. I built walls around myself, and judged everyone else as either "saved" or "unsaved." I roped people in, with music and a pretty smile and the threat of hell.

I understand that I was still a child. And that the religion I wielded was placed into my hands by adults. That it's not entirely my fault. I know I was trying to do what was right. But I also feel strongly that I caused harm to those around me. Harm I regret to this day.

I made it out. But not without casualties.

It's a strange type of survivor's guilt.

So I'm hoping that writing out & sharing my experiences, feelings, and pain will maybe help somebody somewhere. I want to do something good that directly counteracts the harm I caused then. Maybe I can support someone leaving the church now, validate someone who is questioning, or offer logic, reason, and experience to help someone see the door.

Maybe it'll help, maybe not. But it feels like the right thing to do.

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phantomfirefly · 5 months ago

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I’m painting the very large spider thing that has haunted me the entire time leading up to it; ff14 art (and art sent to me by my buddies) is keeping me duct taped together. On a soul level. I don’t post much anymore because it feels like screaming into a void rather than connecting with people. I did this class for like three years (with a group i started doing classes on and off again a decade ago. I never went to art school so it is my formal education) and I could NOT manage to connect with people. I don’t know if it’s just how quiet I am (weird maybe?) but, except for one burgeoning friendship (fingers crossed it does not fade into the sunset) I just didn’t interest people and neither did my work. I mean that my art, for everyone, was always just… strangely constructed or at best “ambitious” (which is the nice way of saying it’s way beyond what I can pull off). Other people were making comics or animation bibles or picture books and I was just stuck making another portfolio piece that was too weird. The hard part here is that they were right… idk I try to embrace some of the off the wall elements and let my art directors tell me to cool my jets and and put things more normally on the thirds or not turn dragons into pugs. I couldn’t bring in my work work for games because i can’t do all the stuff that my teacher wants if the client wants me to do something different. Anyway with the kids home I wrapped up my year, which ended at the same time my kids were home from summer and stopped going to class to keep the kids from demolishing the house. This isn’t going well. BUT they thought I was supposed to go for longer. At first I think they mean my year didn’t end in may, that I have some semester left; no they wanted me to go on for a whole entire new year, which apparently is 1000 dollars and they send me another subscription link. It’s a whole back and forth and they are super mad because they reserved this spot for a whole year just for me, and said they refused students for me an everything— so now these almost friends, and my mentor, and everyone involved in my formal art education has turned into a timeshare? With a harsher penalty than adobe has of canceling Photoshop? Anyway the spider has grounded Grim in this picture and she’s going to need her healer who has a macro that yells about an UwU fuzzy paw to rez her. I’m pretty sure that one is Doc or maybe Irene.

#ff14 #ffxiv #grim castle #art #the Oatley academy #hope you find someone for that spot I guess #sorry #but not 1000 dollars sorry #halcyon is in your special cell

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mybeautifulchristianjourney · 2 years ago

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The Value of Wisdom

1 A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth. 2 It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart. 3 Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. 4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. 5 It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person than to listen to the song of fools. 6 Like the crackling of thorns under the pot, so is the laughter of fools. This too is meaningless.

7 Extortion turns a wise person into a fool, and a bribe corrupts the heart.

8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. 9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

10 Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions.

11 Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing and benefits those who see the sun. 12 Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: Wisdom preserves those who have it.

13 Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten what he has made crooked? 14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.

15 In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:

the righteous perishing in their righteousness, and the wicked living long in their wickedness. 16 Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise— why destroy yourself? 17 Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool— why die before your time? 18 It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.

19 Wisdom makes one wise person more powerful than ten rulers in a city.

20 Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins.

21 Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you— 22 for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.

23 All this I tested by wisdom and I said,

“I am determined to be wise”— but this was beyond me. 24 Whatever exists is far off and most profound— who can discover it? 25 So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly.

26 I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare.

27 “Look,” says the Teacher, “this is what I have discovered:

“Adding one thing to another to discover the scheme of things— 28 while I was still searching but not finding— I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all. 29 This only have I found: God created mankind upright, but they have gone in search of many schemes.” — Ecclesiastes 7 | New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® All rights reserved worldwide. Cross References: Genesis 1:27; Exodus 10:7; Exodus 23:8; Deuteronomy 8:5; 2 Samuel 6:20; 1 Kings 11:3; Psalm 58:9; Psalm 90:12; Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 3:18; Proverbs 8:10; Proverbs 8:14; Proverbs 22:1; Proverbs 30:10; Ecclesiastes 1:1; Ecclesiastes 1:13; Ecclesiastes 1:15; Ecclesiastes 2:1-2; Ecclesiastes 3:11; Ecclesiastes 3:14; Ecclesiastes 6:12; Ecclesiastes 8:17; Romans 3:23; Romans 12:3; Galatians 5:22; James 1:19

#wisdom #value #human wisdom #limitations #human #Ecclesiastes 7 #Book of Ecclesiastes #New Testament #NIV #New International Version Bible #Biblica Inc.

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redbone135 · 2 years ago

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So, this year I’ve been volunteering as crowd control during Bible Club at church Friday nights (for kids K to 6th)… and let me tell you, Red. I don’t know HOW you dealt with kids for 8 HOURS a day, 5 DAYS a week for years of your life. I mean I always respected you from the get-go but now?? After having to spend two hours with rowdy sometimes very naughty and rude little kids, I have a new found bigger respect for you being a teacher. Kudos to all of you. But especially you. You literally and seriously deserve an MVP award for what you had to put up with.

And also… Kids made me nervous before but… helping with Bible Club kinda makes me not like other people’s kids very much. Does that make me a terrible person for admitting this?🙈

And one more thing: do you have any tips for when they get rather disrespectful and start trying to shove the adults (meaning me) off the stage?

Aw, thanks! Crowd control is one of the hardest parts of teaching. At least, for me it was. It helps that I've always had a way with kids, even since I was one: my mom would get calls from school that were like, "your kid is giving lectures to the other kids at recess about some book he read... no we're not mad, we just wanted to request that he bring a different book tomorrow?" If being around kids isn't your comfort zone, they sense it like sharks smell blood and try to test their boundaries, not really to be rude but because kids are curious and they like finding where those boundaries are. Boundary testing is part of how they learn about our world.

And no, lots of people don't like kids, that's super normal. Kids are wildly unpredictable, not very rational, and incredibly self-centered - those aren't insults, it's just where their brains are in the development stage. The weird part is you thinking that it's "other people's" kids that are like that and not just kids in general. Your kids will be like that too, Abby, that's just how kids are. :)

Um, tips: consistency is key. Never make a promise or threat you can't keep, because you lose authority quick when you do that. Also, routine, kids need it. If they have a set routine with enforced expectations it leaves less time for getting in trouble or being off task.

It's hard to give specifics cause so much of authority and discipline is relationship and routine based, so it really does depend on how you feel about the kid and how they feel about you and what expectations are already set out for them. If it were me, we'd start with a talk about it not being okay to touch other people's bodies without permission - shoving is an extension of that. Walk the kid through some basic empathy - it doesn't come naturally at that age - about how they wouldn't like to be touched without permission and so they should treat the adults the same way. (Kids don't see adults as people like themselves, we are a very different category in their brain and so it sometimes needs explaining that we have the same emotions as them). Then, if that doesn't work, in my classroom, that kid would have lost stage privileges. Until I can trust them up high, they have to participate from the foot of the stage where no one is in danger of being shoved off.

But if you're just helping out, your best bet might be to go to the adult in charge and ask how they want you to handle it. Most of the time it's their classroom/space and they'd rather handle it in a way that is consistent with the rules and consequences they already have in place.

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yhwhrulz · 1 year ago

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A Bible Devotional 31st July 2023

If You Don't Know What To Believe

JOHN 17:17 NKJ 17 ". . . Your word is truth.

According to Jesus, the Word of God is truth. Yet many people proclaim quite different messages -- all using the Bible as their text. How can you know who to believe?

Jesus also told us that continuing to abide in the Word of God would produce freedom -- not bondage.

JOHN 8:31-32 NKJ 31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

So, look at the fruit produced by the message proclaimed. Is it freedom? If not, then it must not be the ACCURATE message of Jesus Christ.

The true message of Jesus Christ will set people free -- not put them in bondage. It truly is good news, and makes people happy when they correctly understand it.

JOHN 10:10 NKJ 10 "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

If it produces death, stealing, or destruction, it is not God's plan for you. Jesus came so you could have life in all the fullness God intended.

What you need to do now is simple:

1) Stop listening to lies.

Anything that makes you think God does not love you, or that you are hopeless or helpless -- is a lie. God is not against you or mad at you. All your troubles have been caused by the devil, and your ignorance, not by God.

2) Listen to the truth.

God's truth is good news. It will build you up -- and give you an inheritance. It will give you good things, not take anything good away from you.

ACTS 20:32 NKJ 32 "So now, brethren, I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

Primarily, you need to read the New Testament for yourself. Don't just depend on others to tell you what God said. And before you read, ask the Lord to teach you and reveal Himself to you.

Secondarily, listen to teachers and preachers who feed you the Word of God which builds your faith and makes you love and appreciate God more. Otherwise, quit listening to them.

Remember, the accurate message of Jesus makes you free. (Not free to sin without consequences, but free from the bondage and the effects of sin and its curse.)

SAY THIS: I will stop listening to and believing lies, and I will listen to and believe the truth. God loves me and will help me.

To give: http://aDevotion.org/give

Devotions in book form: http://CFApublications.com To hear audio teachings by the author of this devotional, visit https://adevotion.us11.list-manage.com/track/click?u=5ccca9ca3fa78afdf489a2454&id=9a22b79684&e=22c78815cb

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themoomoorn · 2 years ago

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Scarlet Blaze Salt Mine Highlights, Part 2 (Because I hit the image limit last time)

It's kind of a sad day when you're transitioning hyperfixations (Chainsaw Man and Tactics Ogre, in this case), because I'm tired of this game and I haven't even begun to cleanse by entire body with Azure Gleam. But I must!

Also I just wanted to finish this slog of a route so badly that I forgot to give away Shez's Merc Whistle. Oops.

Previous post is here.

He isn't wrong. If anything, between this and Egg reassuring Shez that no, betrayal totes wasn't gonna happen, this just reinforces the fact that Egg doesn't respect Claude at all.

Still, big oomph on Claude because his dreams don't even exist/make sense in this game.

Here lies the Tabletop Demon.

Kind of poetic/ironic that he's the only one who can truly die, while poor Dimitri, who gets dragged around like a wet cat in Houses, will always survive in this game. Egg mostly does, if you count her getting subjugated to the director's fantasies lobotomized in Azure Gleam as "surviving."

"Now what that ambition is, I simply do not know, but I will boldly assume it had to do with using bibles as toilet paper."

No Lies Detected(tm)

Sothis attempts to salvage this trainwreck with a quick and miserable death, but by plot dictation, she sadly fails.

Byleth's death here is on par with Dimitri's on Verdant Wind in how unceremonious and cruel it is. Devs, are you sure you're not actually mad at how popular Byleth is? Especially the one with the 200% Bustline Modifier?

We Stan a megalomaniac /s

The Agarthans never got to the Holy Tomb or the Holy Mausoleum in this game, and here we get the idea of the kind of crap Houses!Edelgard condoned.

Really, the one thing Rhea did wrong was not using the Aurora Breath on Edelgard during her coronation.

Even now, Rhea knows Agartha is the true enemy here?????? Like back in Chapter...4?????

But no, per the Edelgard/Balthus Support, Edelgard started the war anyway, she knows that she's benefitting from the same megalomaniacs that have their hands in the Empire's politics, and she had farfetched history spoon-fed to her. She doesn't care. She still wants total power.

Bruh

Monica is talking about killing Thales, btw. Peak wlw representation, everyone /s

Linhardt is abhorrent.

Shez DGAF about anything, least of all on this route. But I suppose it's fine because they're not a weird nepotism teacher, or whatever.

So here's something I've noticed: Scarlet Blaze and Golden Wildfire share several near-identical scenarios (the most obvious being the Chapter where Ordelia needs to be pacified), CGs (the still of Egg and Clyde shaking hands), and even video cutscenes (Rhea transforming into the Immaculate one; only the background is changed). GW!Claude knocks of a number of Edelgard's rhetoric and dialogue ("My hands are covered in blood and will never be clean again, feel bad for me uwu") and now we have a hollow knockoff of something poignant Claude says to Byleth on Verdant Wind.

There's also the general fact that because the Houses version of Claude ultimately became more heroic than intended, and because they had already delayed the game three times, they had Verdant Wind knock off most of Silver Snow...which is the default route for the Black Eagles.

There is a quasi-tumbleweedy-incestual bond between these two characters/routes. They fold into one another like brain proteins tangling on each other. This is not the case for Azure Moon (bar maps being shared, and even then the context differs drastically) and even more so for Azure Gleam.

Point is, I'm a Claude stan, but at this point, I feel like the Blue Lions route should be the canon one.

Local vampire simp and local masochistic noble boldly state their totally normal relationship with one another. I think I liked the Houses/Ending Card version more, because their bond made Edelgard jealous.

I did this strategy over the other two and it did absolutely nothing, by the way.

"ShE dOeSnT cArE aBoUt HiM" blah blah blah, we get it, you refuse to read the text and can't get over that Cyril and Claude are mostly incompatible when it comes to bonding.

I found a Khaloonie discover the flavor text for Seiros Tea (it's tea from southern Almyra and it got slapped with an in-universe localized name) and flipping out over it recently, funnily enough. Houses has been out for three years (as of this post) now, and you've only read that text recently???

"My daddy had stake over ruling the whole continent single-handedly first, you cut the line!"

Sothis please take the wheel -

Can confirm, they literally do almost nothing while Thales and Rhea tumble over that bridge. Very "Wormy Episode of Spongebob" energy right here.

"BUT SHE ENDED THE WAR FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" /s

Good job Shez, you broke it.

The ending animation of the Crests rotating like planets changes depending on which route you picked, as that land's "native" Crests are what's displayed. Since the Empire's "native" Crests are that of the Four Saints (plus the Apostles Noa and Timotheos if you want to get technical), you get to bask in a kiddie pool of irony.

In the end, the standom's support of the Empire is akin to how many fans, from its inception in 1979, support the Empire of Zeon and factions similar to it across the Gundam franchise, I feel. Shame that Adrestia isn't as well-crafted as Zeon.

Speaking of worldbuilding, I suspect that there's a weird sort of hatred at how Faerghus is the most well-built (in a worldbuilding sense) of the three lands. This is pretty much proven by its first four chapters alone (having played the demo), and I can already tell I'm gonna be in for at least a decent time once I get to Gleam.

To cap off this shit-cake, here's what I find to be a pretty apt representation of how Edelgard is viewed/turned into during Azure Gleam's ending:

youtube

#few3h diskhorse #3nopes #egglegard #clob von riggles #garbage #scarlet blazed #golden dumpsterfire #blooth eisner #cant believe it took me this long to realize how Egg and Clob's routes fold in on each other #it's kind of weird #Youtube

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bonvoyagenoona · 2 years ago

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Fav books recs pls?

Oooh! I might’ve done a list like this before, but here are more thoughts.

Many of my faves of all time came from my high school English teachers’ assigned reading list (I had two very amazing teachers whom I admire to this day), but my list also includes standards, YA books that have impacted me, and others, in somewhat chronological order of when I read them?:

Spying on Miss Mueller - one of my fave YA books, it’s about four boarding school girls during WWII who are enamored with their glamorous German headmistresses, but all is not what it seems, such a sweet story and thrilling adventure

The Bell Jar - my ultimate favorite book of all time, and the edition I found had the poem “Mad Girl’s Love Song”, which was also life-changing

Idk if you’re also into poetry but, given that I brought it up, ugh, “A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning”

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

The Catcher in the Rye

The Poisonwood Bible

Crime and Punishment - I actually didn’t think I’d enjoy this, but when I read it in an English class, I was very drawn to it, so much so that when we were assigned it for the summer before senior year, I went ALL OUT with my project and wrote diary entries for each chapter/passage/sentence that stuck out to me and gave commentary, and my teacher was like “WHOA THIS IS AMAZING” lol

Notes from Underground - yes, became a fan of Dostoevsky and read this in college for a lit class, cracked me up at times at the pitiful nature of human existence, while also prompting lots of existential thoughts that I hadn’t had before

Same with The Stranger

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men - found David Foster Wallace in college, and his “This is Water” commencement speech at Kenyon College had an impact on me, very thought-provoking and hits on consciousness and awareness (full speech here)

Polish Joke and Other Plays - if you like plays, I like David Ives! I ended up writing a bunch of one-act plays after reading his stuff in college, very fun

EVERYTHING NORA EPHRON, from Heartburn to I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman and every movie she wrote in between, MY QUEEN

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) - in fact, EVERYTHING by Mindy Kaling, she’s one of my writing heroes!

Year of Yes - Shonda Rhimes’s autobiographical stuff actually changed my life, and I think about the lessons I learned from this book every day

Becoming - I mean, duh, history-making, and I was already weeping when Michelle Obama started talking about her parents, such a relatable story as a first gen immigrant

Live From New York: The Complete, Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live - OK listen, I was OBSESSED with SCTV and SNL from the time I was about 5 to 30, OBSESSED, I wanted to write sketches for them and for late-night shows generally, and Tina Fey and Seth Meyers’ times as head writer had a HUGE creative and life influence on me, still does

Yes, Please - this book is amazing, Amy Poehler has actually become one of my top comedy heroes, along with Mindy and Mike Schur, and BJ Novak, and John Mulaney, and just a bunch of people in that kind of group?, and I say that with somewhat surprise because I was such a Tina Fey stan (so yeah, Bossypants is good too), but a lot of Tina’s reactions to current events since just seem tone deaf, whereas Amy Poehler has led with joy and exploration

Here are some recent reads that I’ve started but haven’t finished, been recommended, or been wanting to check out (these are currently sitting on my shelf):

Literally everything by Sally Rooney (lol @bluejin0812)

Crying in H Mart (ugh how have I not read this yet)

Three Little Truths

Super Host

Tablo’s Pieces of You, sent to me by a dear friend!

I haven’t been reading or writing nearly as much as I’ve wanted to these days, what with life getting busier. But always happy to learn about books and your thoughts on them! Share more here and I’ll reblog to spread the word!

#asks #your asks #anon #how i write #reading #writing #about me #personal

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theshedding · 4 years ago

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Lil Nas X: Country Music, Christianity & Reclaiming HELL

I don’t typically bother myself to follow what Lil Nas X is doing from day to day, or even month to month but I do know that his “Old Town Road” hit became one of the biggest selling/streamed records in Country Music Business history (by a Black Country & Queer artist). “Black” is key because for 75+ years Country music has unsuspiciously evolved into a solidly White-identified genre (despite mixed and Indian & Black roots). Regrettably, Country music is also widely known for anti-black, misogynoir, reliably homophobic (Trans isn’t really a conversation yet), Christian and Hard Right sentiments on the political spectrum. Some other day I will venture into more; there is a whole analysis dying to be done on this exclusive practice in the music industry with its implications on ‘access’ to equity and opportunity for both Black/POC’s and Whites artists/songwriters alike. More commentary on this rigid homogeneous field is needed and how it prohibits certain talent(s) for the sake of perpetuating homogeneity (e.g. “social determinants” of diversity & viable artistic careers). I’ll refrain from discussing that fully here, though suffice it to say that for those reasons X’s “Old Town Road” was monumental and vindicating.

As for Lil Nas X, I’m not particularly a big fan of his music; but I see him, what he’s doing, his impact on music + culture and I celebrate him using these moments to affirm his Black, Queer self, and lifting up others. Believe it or not, even in the 2020′s, being “out” in the music business is still a costly choice. As an artist it remains much easier to just “play straight”. And despite appearances, the business (particularly Country) has been dragged kicking and screaming into developing, promoting and advancing openly-affirming LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 artists in the board room or on-stage. Though things are ‘better’ we have not yet arrived at a place of equity or opportunity for queer artists; for the road of music biz history is littered with stunted careers, bodies and limitations on artists who had no option but to follow conventional ways, fail or never be heard of in the first place. With few exceptions, record labels, radio and press/media have successfully used fear, intimidation, innuendo and coercion to dilute, downplay or erase any hint of queer identity from its performers. This was true even for obvious talents like Little Richard.

(Note: I’m particularly speaking of artists in this regard, not so much the hairstylists, make-up artists, PA’s, etc.)

_____

Which is why...in regard to Lil Nas X, whether you like, hate or love his music, the young brother is a trailblazer. His very existence protests (at least) decades of inequity, oppression and erasure. X aptly critiques a Neo-Christian Fascist Heteropatriarchy; not just in American society but throughout the Music Business and with Black people. That is no small deal. His unapologetic outness holds a mirror up to Christianity at-large, as an institution, theology and practice. The problem is they just don’t like what they see in that mirror.

In actuality, “Call Me By Your Name”, Lil Nas X’s new video, is a twist on classic mythology and religious memes that are less reprehensible or vulgar than the Biblical narratives most of us grew up on vís-a-vís indoctrinating smiles of Sunday school teachers and family prior to the “age of reason”. Think about the narratives blithely describing Satan’s friendly wager with God regarding Job (42:1-6); the horrific “prophecies” in St. John’s Book of Revelation (i.e. skies will rain fire, angels will spit swords, mankind will be forced to retreat into caves for shelter, and we will be harassed by at least three terrifying dragons and beasts. Angels will sound seven trumpets of warning, and later on, seven plagues will be dumped on the world), or Jesus’s own clarifying words of violent intent in Matthew (re: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” 10:34). Whether literal or metaphor, these age old stories pale in comparison to a three minute allegorical rap video. Conservatives: say what you will, I’m pretty confident X doesn’t take himself as seriously as “The true and living God” from the book of Job.

A little known fact as it is, people have debunked the story and evolution of Satan and already offered compelling research showing [he] is more of a literary device than an actual entity or “spirit” (Spoiler: In the Bible, Satan does not take shape as an actual “bad” person until the New Testament). In fact, modern Christianity’s impression of the “Devil” is shaped by conflating Hellenized mythology with a literary tradition rooted in Dante’s Inferno and accompanying spooks and superstitions going back thousands of years. Whether Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Scientologist, Atheist or Agnostic, we’ve spent a lifetime with these predominant icons and clichés. (Resource: Prof. Bart D. Erhman, “Heaven & Hell”).

So Here’s THE PROBLEM: The current level of fear and outrage is:

(1) Unjust, imposing and irrational.

(2) Disproportionate when taken into account a lifetime of harmful Christian propaganda, anti-gay preaching and political advocacy.

(3) Historically inaccurate concerning the existence of “Hell” and who should be scared of going there.

Think I’m overreacting?

Examples:

Institutionalized Homophobia (rhetoric + policy)

Anti-Gay Ministers In Life And Death: Bishop Eddie Long And Rev. Bernice King

Black, gay and Christian, Marylanders struggle with Conflicts

Harlem pastor: 'Obama has released the homo demons on the black man'

Joel Olsteen: Homosexuality is “Not God’s Best”

Bishop Brandon Porter: Gays “Perverted & Lost...The Church of God in Christ Convocation appears like a ‘coming out party’ for members of the gay community.”

Kim Burrell: “That perverted homosexual spirit is a spirit of delusion & confusion and has deceived many men & women, and it has caused a strain on the body of Christ”

Falwell Suggests Gays to Blame for 9-11 Attacks

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

Pope Francis: Gay People Not Welcome in Clergy

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

The Pope and Gay People: Nothing’s Changed

The Catholic church silently lobbied against a suicide prevention hotline in the US because it included LGBT resources

Mormon church prohibits Children of LGBT parents to be baptized

Catholic Charity Ends Adoptions Rather Than Place Kid With Same-Sex Couple

I Was a Religious Zealot That Hurt People-Coming Out as Gay: A Former Conversion Therapy Leader Is Apologizing to the LGBTQ Community

The above short list chronicles a consistent, literal, demonization of LGBTQ people, contempt for their gender presentation, objectification of their bodies/sexuality and a coordinated pollution of media and culture over the last 50+ years by clergy since integration and Civil Rights legislation. Basically terrorism. Popes, Bishops, Pastors, Evangelists, Politicians, Television hosts, US Presidents, Camp Leaders, Teachers, Singers & Entertainers, Coaches, Athletes and Christians of all types all around the world have confused and confounded these issues, suppressed dissent, and confidently lied about LGBT people-including fellow Queer Christians with impunity for generations (i.e. “thou shall not bear false witness against they neighbor” Ex. 23:1-3). Christian majority viewpoints about “laws” and “nature” have run the table in discussions about LGBTQ people in society-so much that we collectively must first consider their religious views in all discussions and the specter of Christian approval -at best or Christian condescension -at worst. That is Christian (and straight) privilege. People are tired of this undue deference to religious opinions.

That is what is so deliciously bothersome about Lil Nas X being loud, proud and “in your face” about his sexuality. If for just a moment, he not only disrupts the American hetero-patriarchy but specifically the Black hetero-patriarchy, the so-called “Black Church Industrial Complex”, Neo-Christian Fascism and a mostly uneducated (and/or miseducated) public concerning Ancient Near East and European history, superstitions-and (by extension) White Supremacy. To round up: people are losing their minds because the victim decided to speak out against his victimizer.

Additionally, on some level I believe people are mad at him being just twenty years old, out and FREE as a self-assured, affirming & affirmed QUEER Black male entertainer with money and fame in the PRIME of his life. We’ve never, or rarely, seen that before in a Black man in the music business and popular culture. But that’s just too bad for them. With my own eyes I’ve watched straight people, friends, Christians, enjoy their sexuality from their elementary youth to adolescence, up and through college and later marriages, often times independently of their spouses (repeatedly). Meanwhile Queer/Gay/SGL/LGBTQ people are expected to put their lives on hold while the ‘blessed’ straight people run around exploring premarital/post-marital/extra-marital sex, love and affection, unbound & un-convicted by their “sin” or God...only to proudly rebrand themselves later in life as a good, moral “wholesome Christian” via the ‘sacred’ institution of marriage with no questions asked.

Inequality defined.

For Lil Nas X, everything about the society we've created for him in the last 100+ years (re: links above) has explicitly been designed for his life not to be his own. According to these and other Christians (see above), his identity is essentially supposed to be an endless rat fuck of internal confusion, suicide-ideation, depression, long-suffering, faux masculinity, heterosexism, groveling towards heaven, respectability politics, failed prayer and supplication to a heteronormative earthly and celestial hierarchy unbothered in affording LGBT people like him a healthy, sane human development. It’s almost as if the Conservative establishment (Black included) needs Lil Nas X to be like others before him: “private”, mysteriously single, suicidal, suspiciously straight or worse, dead of HIV/AIDS ...anything but driving down the street enjoying his youth as a Black Queer artist and man. So they mad about that?

Well those days are over.

-Rogiérs is a writer, international recording artist, performer and indie label manager with 25+ years in the music industry. He also directs Black Nonbelievers of DC, a non-profit org affiliated with the AHA supporting Black skeptics, Atheists, Agnostics & Humanists. He holds a B.A. in Music Business & Mgmt and a M.A. in Global Entertainment & Music Business from Berklee College of Music and Berklee Valencia, Spain. www.FibbyMusic.net Twitter/IG: @Rogiers1

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delusion-of-negation · 3 years ago

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top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

#don't take life too seriously #nobody gets out alive anyway #tw abuse mention #tw csa mention #tw incest mention #tw for any tws I missed #idk why I did this

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years ago

Text

Alma Mater (S2, E3)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - There’s no way Martin is actually going to escape Claremont until AT LEAST the season finale.

0:55 - Anyone else annoyed that Ainsley isn’t in Martin’s fantasy? I mean - it’s completely in character but it still pisses me off.

1:49 - I’m sorry - what? How will pouring Malcolm a drink help this fictional situation?

2:00 - Malcolm ruining Martin’s fantasy dream is honestly such a mood.

2:10 - “That little kill joy.” haha

2:21 - Malcolm has a stationary bike. Of course he does. But why does he listen to the personal trainer lady (who I assume was a recording programmed on the bike)? Malcolm doesn’t seem like he needs praise or motivation to exercise. He probably does it the way I do - mindlessly as a habit. A habit built from the knowledge that if I skip a morning workout I will feel more unsettled and anxious than usual before lunch....and don’t even get me started on how quickly my depressive thoughts escalate.

2:24 - ....I’m still convinced/hoping that this is a false memory Martin has planted in Malcolm. I’m all for Malcolm whump and Malcolm trauma...but the thought of Gil, the team, and Jessica finding out that Malcolm committed a crime terrifies me. I don’t want him to go to jail. I don’t want Gil and the team to turn their back on him. I don’t want Jessica to blame herself (more than usual).

2:39 - I love that the “Malcolm pretty much only feeds himself liquorice and lollipops” is still canon this season.

2:42 - OMG. That is not a helpful affirmation. Like maybe for anyone? If you’re traumatized/depressed/anxious “consider the past and you shall know the future” is not comforting or inspiring. It’s the opposite.

2:48 - I’m loving how confidently Malcolm has been shutting down Martin’s manipulation. #soproud

2:52 - Anyone else super upset that Martin is the person with whom Malcolm discusses his mental health the most honestly?

3:12 - Check out the way Mr. David looks at Martin here. Does Mr. David already know about Endicott? Or is he just like, “Bitch, spit it out so I don’t have to keep guessing your current family drama.”?

3:17 - “Let’s have another session today.” .....Does Martin really think he’s Malcolm’s new therapist? DOES MALCOLM THINK THAT? IS THAT WHY HE ISN’T SEEING GABRIELLE? HAS MARTIN MANIPULATED HIM INTO THINKING THAT HE DOESN’T NEED GABRIELLE?!?

3:22 - hahahaha OMG. Mr.David is so done with Martin’s theatrics.

3:32 - Ok so two things:

Martin’s insight on Malcolm’s mental health/coping mechanisms is disturbingly on point. Almost like he’s an attentive, caring, father (which he isn’t).

How long was Gil outside Malcolm’s door before he knocked? Do you think he overheard Malcolm’s side of the conversation? I kind of hope he did. But only if it means I get to see Gil asking Malcolm about it.

3:50 - “Put me on speaker.” I’m torn. Part of me is so proud of Malcolm for denying Martin’s need for attention....but part of me is living for a Martin/Gil showdown where they fight over Malcolm in front of Malcolm.

3:54 - Ok. So Gil was a jerk last episode but I forgive him. Gil just showed up at Malcolm’s apartment to tell him about a case instead of calling Malcolm. Gil knew Malcolm would be upset. Gil knew that Malcolm needed to hear this in person. <3 My heart is full. <3

4:12 - Concerned!Gil is everything. Look at how much he cares about Malcolm and what this case will inevitably bring up for Malcolm. You can almost see how badly Gil doesn’t want Malcolm on this case.

4:13 - “What if I said I need you?” Damn. Gil knows. He knows that Malcolm desperately doesn’t want to ever disappoint Gil. Gil is Malcolm’s hero and, when Malcolm is thinking straight, he’d do anything for Gil.

4:17 - <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Gil looks so sad when he notices Malcolm’s hand shaking. Can a heart simultaneously break and heal?

4:23 - Oh yeah. Gil definitely wanted Brumback dead for what he did to Malcolm. He doesn’t even try giving Malcolm the “you’re being insensitive” look.

4:42 - Wow. That school is nicer than my university.

4:47 - Do you think Gil’s been to the school before? To visit and/or pick up Malcolm? ....I really want to believe he did. Gil looks like he’s leading Malcolm through campus. Gil looks like he’s familiar with the campus. Surely that means he visited Malcolm there. Right?

5:17 - So...was the “office under water” thing officially a prank? It’s brutal. Forget the murder, Brumback would’ve expelled kids for that prank.

5:27 - I love how Dani looks at Gil for clarification here. She’s like, “Malcolm is upset, ranting, and making no sense. I’m not going to set him off further by asking more questions. But I need to know what the hell he’s going on about.”

5:40 - Soooo is JT texting Dani? Or is Tally? I really hope it’s Tally. I hope Dani’s texts are all reading something along the lines of “He won’t stop pacing and panicking. If he doesn’t calm down I’m going to slap him.”

5:43 - I love the look of disbelief that Gil shoots Dani when her phone goes off. haha

5:52 - hahaha Gil so heard Edrisa the first time. He was just giving her a chance to conform to professional social standards.

6:03 - hahahaha OMG. Edrisa is a treasure.

6:56 - awww Malcolm, baby. :( This boy has so much trauma. I love it.

7:07 - I’m assuming Malcolm’s ‘high school’ was grades 10-12 (not 8-12 which is common in the area of Canada where I grew up) so that means Tom Payne is currently being passed off as a 15-16 year old. It kinda works. But ngl - I spent most of this scene thinking “could they not hire a kid because of COVID?”

7:12 - I’m not actually mad that Tom Payne was allowed to play high school Malcolm though. His performance in this scene is really moving. “Be someone new.” :( <3

7:45 - Sooooo Malcolm changed his name before he was legally an adult. If it’s his legal last name (we see “Bright” on pill bottles in S1 so it’s his legal name now at least) Jessica had to have signed the paperwork. Damn. I wish I was there to see that process regardless of when it became his legal last name.

7:49 - Baby Malcolm looks so comforted by Martin’s acceptance of his new name and new school. It breaks my heart.

8:00 - Wait. There was a teacher who liked Malcolm at this school? The son a serial killer? AND the teacher recognizes Malcolm 15 years later?!? Nah. I don’t buy it. I love Malcolm but I feel like the teachers would’ve avoided developing any sort of relationship with Malcolm even if they didn’t have a problem with him.

8:05 - Hold up. This school is so fancy. Are you telling me they don’t have outdoor security cameras? Surely those would’ve told you who the suspects for the desk thing were at least.

8:15 - awwww poor Malcolm looks shattered here. :(

8:31 - “Easy. Let’s keep an open mind.” That is pure Dad!Gil energy and I’m here for it.

8:39 - Of course. Of course Jessica is involved in the rich school.

8:51 - I’m on Gil and Malcolm’s side here. Jessica is putting her reputation over Malcolm’s mental health. Shame on her. No no. I will not stand for this - and neither will Gil. Damn. Look at how pissed he is on Malcolm’s behalf. <3 So sweet.

9:06 - “Pop-pop’s aquatic center”!?!? Soooo is Pop-pop Jessica’s grandfather or Malcolm’s? Either way give me more information about the extended family. Are they dead? Did they disown them after the Surgeon business? I WANT ANSWERS FEDAK.

9:15 - I swear. Malcolm is the best son/brother ever. The sacrifices he makes for his Mom/sister are unreal. Also - how much do you want to bet that Malcolm was thinking about the Endicott murder coming out when Jessica said, “how soon until they connect that back to me?”. Malcolm looks so sad here.

9:23 - Nah. I don’t like Delaney. Even on the first watch I was put off by him. Something about him just creeps me out. He’s showing a weird amount of affection for Malcolm 15 years after Malcolm finished school. IDK maybe I was just upset that someone was trying to mimic Gil’s relationship with Malcolm?

9:27 - oooooooohhhhh Mom and Dad are fighting. hahaha Malcolm looks so uncomfortable. Gil looks livid. Is Gil pissed because Jessica dumped him or because she totally just neglected Malcolm’s well-being for her own? Probably both. Either way, it’s endlessly entertaining.

9:53 - I’m on Gil’s side here. She dumped him (like a f**ing moron) because she “doesn’t want to hurt him” and because she’s “broken” and “cursed”. Yet - she manipulates her way into cases. Making her business Gil’s. Gil should be pissed - she broke his heart. Again. Like he’s literally been choosing to hang out with Malcolm, Jessica’s (let’s face it) broken son, for more than 20 years. Jessica’s crazy if she thinks that she’s going to get Gil killed or hurt just because she’s a Whitly. Malcolm’s technically a Whitly - Gil hasn’t died yet.

10:15 - “Not usually.” Dang. That was icy.

10:50 - Yo this is one messed up bible study. Take it from someone who has attended many young adult/teenage bible studies. This is crazy. Usually it’s: read the bible for 5-10 minutes as a group, discuss how you interpreted it for 15-20 mins, pray as a group for 5 mins, then like an hour of tea/coffee, cookies, board games, and general chatting about normal stuff like romance, school, and personal drama.

11:44 - “Poor Tally.” hahaha I’m willing to bet that Tally is texting Dani - not JT. I just can’t imagine a panicking, first-time father, texting his little sister with accurate medical details about his wife’s pre-labour experience. He’s probably way too panicked to remember the medical jargon that is “foley ballon”.

12:00 - I’ve watched this scene about 30 times. I’m in love with it. Tom Payne’s performance is haunting and I’m a sucker for emotional whump. I love how Dani is concerned about Malcolm but respectful enough to pry until he shuts down. I love Malcolm’s little speech about the hand tremor (even though it doesn’t make sense because baby Malcolm’s hand was shaking when Shannon interrogated him - but that’s a whole different can of worms I’m not going to rant about).

12:39 - Does anyone else think it’s weird that there’s a bolt on the closet door? Why isn’t there a lock in the door handle like every other interior school door? I mean, I guess it’s because they can be unlocked from the inside and Nicky would’ve needed a key....but still. The things I forgive for the sake of plot.

13:25 - Damn. Brumback was a real jerk. “I know what you really are.” Do you know how painful that would be for Malcolm to hear? Regardless of what he almost did to Nicky? Everywhere Malcolm goes people accuse him of being just like his father. Is it surprising that in a moment of weakness, with teenage hormones, Malcolm snapped and said, “Eff it. They think I’m a murderer anyways.”

13:26 - OMG. How bad were the kids at this school?!?! Brumback expelled so many kids. Holy hell. Also - Brumback is wearing a wedding ring. Did he get divorced before he died? Did his wife pass away before him? Why was his family not part of this investigation at all?

13:31 - Brumback writing “Malcolm Whitly” instead of Malcolm Bright is....ouch. I just. My heart breaks for Malcolm.

13:37 - OMG. Traumatized people going through PTSD flashbacks should not be unattended next to a pool of water. Honestly - I thought our boy was going to drown. Which the whumper in me would’ve loved but also I don’t think it was right for the plot on this one.

14:38 - Martin is such a liar. He definitely thinks he’s God’s gift to the Earth.

15:02 - Martin knows a lot about the security zones. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s contemplated escaping.

15:04 - Oh shit. Daryl has an imaginary cell mate. I know that’s a serious mental illness and I shouldn’t laugh but OMG. The moment Martin realizes that Daryl is delusional is priceless. hahahaha

15:25 - How much to do want to bet Mr. David has a red key card? Martin’s grin confirms it.

15:40 - Wow. The classrooms in this high school are really big. I would’ve thought this fancy private school would have smaller class sizes.

15:49 - YES. OMG. Malcolm walking into that classroom soaking wet is golden. *chef’s kiss* Look at Gil’s face - it’s a mixture of concern and disbelief. He’s soooo worried about Malcolm right now. <3

16:07 - It’s a good thing Malcolm’s rich because that phone is never going to be useful again.

16:20 - ahhahahaha OMG. WTF. Gil’s little twinkle-finger wave is hilarious.

16:38 - This whole scene Gil is just staring at Malcolm with so much concern. It warms my cold, dead heart. <3

16:46 - Do you think Malcolm looked for his name in the book? Is it the same book? Do you think Brumback expelled enough kids that this is a new black book?

17:08 - Ok. So I immediately don’t like Louisa. That level of confidence and self-absorption is very unattractive.

17:25 - Louisa volunteers in the library. That’s how she got access to the poison.

17:35 - “Dude. You’re dripping.” “Yeah. Water does that.” Can Malcolm be this sassy every episode?!? I’m living for it.

17:57 - “Boys right? Oof” haha I love Malcolm talking to teenagers. I want it in every episode. ALSO - the jock’s story about the two girls - I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how that an expulsion level offence unless the kid is leaving something out of the story.

18:31 - Of course they talked about this before they came there. DELANEY WARNED THEM. But mostly to keep his little cheating ring hush hush.

18:55 - And just like that we’ve been blessed with Malcolm in casual clothes. Wish I could’ve seen Gil question Malcolm’s swim though.

19:26 - OMG. Edrisa is such a cute little nerd. <3 Protect her at all costs.

20:00 - Gil and Jessica arguing is amazing. I’m loving it and hating it. Because I want them to live happily ever after in a fairytale world but I do enjoy the drama.

20:06 - hahaha look at how Jessica just pushes Gil to the side and plows on to Malcolm. This woman is fierce.

20:11 - Yes. Yes Malcolm. Tell Mom she has unrealistic and insensitive expectations of you.

20:18 - What kind of school is this?!? The board of trustee members are buddy buddy with the students?!?

20:22 - “They’re all from impeccable families.” “So was I” Mic drop. Watch Malcolm drop the truth bombs. This is maybe the best line in this episode.

20:30 - “And just like you - none of them is capable of murder.” .....well this sentence is going to come back and bite Jessica in the butt later this season.

20:44 - The fact that these kids think Edrisa is a freshman is actually hilarious to me.

20:50 - OMG. “Welcome to boarding school. Bitch.” I was ready for Louisa to die right here. She just punched Edrisa and then called her a bitch. No no no. Edrisa is a quirky treasure and we must protect her.

21:00 - Damn. I wish we got to see the team’s reaction when they found out one of their teenage suspects assaulted their favourite M.E.

21:10 - Why is it soooo attractive when Malcolm wears casual shirts under a suit jacket?

21:53 - “My vote is for Louisa. The girl’s got a heavy fist.” hahaha I love Edrisa. SO SO much.

22:05 - Soooo is Jessica some sort of consultant now? They used her to interview cult extractors and now rich, teenage murder suspect. Is she the “rich person investigator” now?

22:11 - Does Louisa know that Malcolm is Jessica’s son?

23:04 - Louisa is a bad liar.

24:15 - Delaney should be ashamed. He told Nicky who Malcolm’s dad was. He is the reason that Malcolm got locked in a closet for 3 days. He is the reason Malcolm is claustrophobic. This man should have his teaching license seized and be charged with child abuse. What he did was absolutely despicable.

24:35 - “My mom’s sending a car.” It’s nice that Malcolm doesn’t always refer to Jessica as “mother”

25:00 - This is heartbreaking. I hope Nicky got expelled. If he didn’t - Malcolm experience a bigger injustice than we were lead to believe. Look at Nicky walking away from Malcolm. That kid has no remorse. I don’t blame Malcolm for seeking revenge. Malcolm keeps getting burned by people. Something had to give eventually.

25:30 - The biggest crime this episode committed is that we only saw Malcolm getting comfort from DELANEY. Honestly. Where was my papa Gil moment?!? Or a Dani+Malcolm moment?!?

25:51 - I doubt Delaney tried to stand up for Malcolm. He probably encouraged the expulsion.

26:05 - “Please.” Yikes. This has been torturing Malcolm for years. Who sold him out? Who ruined his last chance at a happy childhood? Who allowed him to be traumatized further? Who gave him the hand tremor (assuming we’re ignoring the S1 canon).

26:38 - What. A. Getaway. This school is full of crazy rich kids.

26:55 - “This time”?!? Doesn’t Martin always root for the killer?

27:05 - I love everything about this interaction between Martin and Malcolm. I love how upset Malcolm is. I love how Malcolm calls out Martin for being a bad dad. I love that Martin just sits there and takes it. Martin even looks a little sad. It makes me wonder - did Martin know about Delaney’s cheating ring? Did Martin manipulate Delaney into thinking Malcolm was a threat and convince him to get Malcolm expelled? I can see Martin doing it. If for no other reason than to tarnish the “Milton legacy” at Remington.

28:04 - UGH. I want to see how Malcolm got out of that closet SO BAD. Who found him? How close to death was he? PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS GIL. Why didn’t Jessica investigate when Malcolm didn’t show up at the Hamptons as planned?

28:13 - “How you wish that were true.” Ouch. Martin is a real asshole. He knows just how to destabilize Malcolm’s confidence.

28:56 - Even now, Martin is trying to manipulate Malcolm. Their relationship is so dysfunctional, beautiful, heartbreaking, and complex. I could watch them interact forever.

29:31 - Look at that little head shake from Mr. David. Martin’s cell is not soundproof. Mr. David heard everything. Mr. David always hears everything. Mr. David knows about Endicott. Istg.

30:12 - Delaney is a scumbag. He might not be a serial killer but he’s another male, adult asshole who gained Malcolm’s trust and then stabbed him in the back.

30:37 - OK. So I know, I’ve been hypothesizing that Mr. David is an ally to Martin’s crazy schemes, or that he worked for Endicott, or that Martin is going to try to kill Mr. David. BUT YO. IF MR. DAVID DIES I WILL THROW HANDS. HE’S SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER.

31:40 - This is a weirdly fancy room for video games. Also I miss JT. He should be here. I wish he was here. He would’ve been so good in this episode. Can you imagine his facial expressions and comments when he finds out little tidbits about Malcolm’s teenage past?! It would’ve been comedic GOLD. Couldn’t Tally give birth during a less interesting episode?!?!

32:15 - I’m convinced that Malcolm isn’t actually upset that Delaney’s crime is running the cheating ring. I think Malcolm’s upset because he just realized the only positive male role model (aside from Gil) that he had as a teenager was a manipulative liar who betrayed him. Malcolm just realized that this dude never cared about him and he’s crushed.

32:27 - Wait. Does Delaney make the kids pay him for the answers? Because that actually makes sense.

33:08 - This whole scene where Molly runs out of the back room and Dani says, “who are you running from?” is really cringey to me.

33:19 - Oh great. Now the guy who betrayed Malcolm is touching the back of Malcolm’s neck. JUST LIKE GIL DOES. Well....something tells me that’s going to taint how comforting Malcolm find’s that gesture coming from Gil for a while. Malcolm just isn’t allowed to be happy. Even for a moment. It’s a shame. I also love it.

33:40 - Awww...poor Malcolm is claustrophobic and he gets locked in the vault with a dying man. Look how desperate he is to get out of there - to save Delaney and to save himself more mental distress.

33:53 - Look at Malcolm panicking here. He tries to hide his panic as concern for Delaney but he’s clearly freaking out about being trapped in a smallish space.

34:25 - Yep. Malcolm didn’t think he could trust Daryl because Daryl is delusional. SO Martin threatens to murder Daryl and then metaphorically stabs the dude in the back. This is perfectly in character.

35:25 - Damn. Louisa is seriously mentally ill. She has zero empathy.

35:57 - Malcolm projecting his mental issues on the killer du jour is always simultaneously cringey and amazing to me.

36:26 - I’m not going to lie. Daryl screaming “He’s a Judas” as he was dragged away was hilarious.

37:04 - Holy shit. This took a turn. I’ll be honest - I don’t blame Malcolm for almost killing Nicky. But it does scare me.

38:35 - That story must have been haunting Malcolm for 15 years. I bet you he’s never told anyone not even Gabrielle. He’s had nightmares about it. Because he knows he’s capable of murder. Just like Martin. That terrifies Malcolm more than anything in the world.

39:12 - sooooo Delaney just heard that whole confession. Delaney lives. Something tells me this is going to be a problem for Malcolm when Endicott’s murder is investigated later in the season.

39:35 - “Are you insane?” “Maybe.” That’s it. That’s the show.

40:00 - Two questions: 1) Where is Dani? 2) Why does Gil not know where Malcolm is right now?

40:22 - Look Fedak screwed us over. We didn’t get to see Gil find Malcolm half-dead on the floor of that library vault. BUT this scene almost makes up for it.

40:24 - Malcolm wrapped in a blanket is so so cute. I just want to hug him. I want Gil to hug him. Ugh. <3

40:28 - I love that you can tell that Malcolm and Gil have had this sort of discussion about Malcolm’s sense of self-preservation numerous times in the past. Gil looks sooooo pissed. And concerned.

40:35 - Malcolm’s imitation of Gil makes me so so so so happy. I just. Ugh. It’s adorable. Look at how exasperated it makes Gil. Look at Dani’s reaction to it. This might be the greatest “found family”. scenes this show has given us to date.

40:55 - “All in a day’s work.” Oh yeah. Gil is super concerned about Malcolm’s mental state. Gil is Worried. I want to see more of it.

40:57 - I love that Dani just can’t wait anymore. She’s so precious. Look at how excited she is about JT’s baby. <3 I’m in love. She’s so soft here - it’s beautiful and rare for this show to let the audience see this side of Dani.

41:00 - GIL’S REACTION. <3 OMG. I LOVE HIM. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY. I HOPE JT AND TALLY DUB HIM THE BABY’S UNOFFICIAL GRANDFATHER.

41:02 - MALCOLM’S FACE. <3 <3 <3 IS THIS THE FIRST TIME HE’S EVER SEEN A BABY? HE’S SO ENAMORED WITH THIS CHILD ALREADY. LOOK AT HOW MUCH MALCOLM ALREADY LOVES JT’S KID. <3 <3 IT’S SO SOFT. I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO MUCH.

41:22 - I can’t decide about this scene. On one hand - I think it’s really mature of Malcolm to apologize to Martin. It’s a courtesy that Martin doesn’t deserve. ON THE OTHER HAND - I wonder if Malcolm is only apologizing to throw Martin off balance. I wonder if this is Malcolm’s attempt to manipulate Martin for once. Either way - I love it.

42:25 - Martin always gets the last word. He always worms his way into Malcolm’s brain and screws with Malcolm’s sense of self. I hate it. But I also find it so captivating.

43:05 - Sooooo is Martin committing the murder next episode? Or is he just manipulating someone else to commit a murder? Either way - I’m excited.

If you read this far - I’m flattered. I also think you’re a little crazy. But thanks for hanging out.

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neverendingstories00 · 4 years ago

Text

a winnix! found family au with easy company as kids part one out of a million!!

hi, hello! i’m back on my bullshit again. the creativity train had once stopped at my brain. I may have a thousand wip’s but tonight I’ve decided to focus solely on this one. also a ton of credit to @apairofwingsforme for rambling with me about this idea, thanks buddy! anyways, my mind is literally a terrifying place 😁 please send help. i’m literally at my breaking point

Also this is part one out of..a lot! I wanna write a fic of this, but school is a bitch. This is just winnix at the moment, but I promise I’ll start talking about easy company as kids and how chaotic it is. Literally. Child! Luz is going to be a little monster. But hey, only seven more weeks!!

It's a modern au. Both dick and Lew have been married for seven years and are happier than ever.

Okay! But before the found family part, time for the backstory!

dick and lew both met in college when there were in the same intro to marketing class. dick was struggling in the class and absolutely despised Lew, who he stereotyped as a “typical New Yorker '' as Dick donned his bean boots and flannel shirts. However, Dick learned not to make assumptions about people. Their study sessions would turn into long conversations about the newest episode of Mad Men, their families in Lancaster and Manhattan, etc. Dick and Lew grew to be best friends.

Dick felt strange around Lew. He wanted to hate him, but he couldn't. He would catch himself staring at Lew for too long and a strange feeling in his stomach. Lew caught onto this, but said nothing. He was overthinking it. Dick was the poster catholic boy with his outfits head to toe from LL Bean, carried a tiny bible in his backpack, etc. Lew knew Dick was too good for him. Besides, there was no way he would be gay.

One thing led to another and the complicated relationship between Dick and Lew changed. Dick had sworn off alcohol, but had no idea that the orange juice was a screwdriver. Dick got intoxicated and Lew dragged him back to his dorm. Next thing he knew, Lew woke up, cuddled with Dick in his neat dorm room.

After that little incident, things became awkward. They were in their senior year; friends for four years and the awkward tension was high between them. After they graduated, there was an afterparty held at their old farneity. Dick, of course, had won vladicictroain and Lew won salutadorian (shockingly). Dick knew that if it wasn’t for Lew three years ago, he wouldn’t be where he is.

So in a little corner, Dick walked up to Nixon and gifted him an apple pie, fresh from The Winter’s farm in Lancaster, thanking him for all he’s done for him. Nixon smirked and knew that Dick would give him some pie, but he was still nice about it. He took Dick to his room and gave him cufflinks that he bought especially for Dick from Nordstrom because during their freshman year, Dick was in charge of planning events in their fraternity. It was movie night and in 2007, Casino Royale was all the hype. Nobody came to the movie night since there was a huge football game and party after. Dick sat there, popcorn all made and even pushed the coaches together, and nobody showed up. He considered just packing up and calling it a night until he heard the door slam open. As he was cleaning up, Dick ran right into Lew.

“Hi, hello. Sorry I’m late, I was busy doing...stuff.”

“Oh,” Dick would reply, “I was just packing up.”

“What movie?”

“Casino Royale. Nobody’s coming though.”

“Well, is the popcorn still hot?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, consider me your customer.”

Dick and Lew watched the movie. Lew never shuts up during the film. Dick talks ethier to tell Lew to be quiet or that he loves Daniel Craig’s cufflinks. Lew made a mental note of that.

The night of graduation, stuffed in Dick’s little dorm room, was the last time Dick and Lew ever saw each other. For a while, atleast. They had a heated makeuout session that followed with awkward but passionate sex. The next morning, it was a screaming match between Lew and Dick. Dick didn’t even remember what it was about-he was too upset. He simply finished packing, threw the stuff into the back of his subaru outback, and drove back to Lancaster.

Seven years flew by, and Dick and Lew hadn’t spoken a word. Both of them were no longer twenty two year old’s who had no idea what they were doing with their life-they were now twenty nine, both trying to figure out their lives.

Dick worked as an accountant in Philadelphia, Boston, Hartford, and jumped around the east coast. He didn’t really enjoy his job so he went back to Franklin and Marshall to become a History Teacher. He had been looking for work for some time and eventually found a teaching job at a boy’s school in Bronxville. It was a job, after all.

So Dick arrives in Bronoxville and gets an email. He recognizes the last time-it’s Lew. He heard about Dick moving and wanted to catch up. Dick was new to Bronoxville and as reluctant as he was, he agreed to meet with Lew.

Lew and Dick meet at Rosie’s, a nice little Italian restaurant in the middle of Bronoxville. Lew surprises Dick, and greets him with a “going my way?”. Lew looks different; he’s gotten more handsome with age, his hair is shorter but still unruly with a tint of gray, and there’s a good amount of stubble. He hasn’t changed one bit.

Their first meeting went well. Just like Dick, Lew had a rocky start after college. Lew had foolishly gotten married to some girl he had gone to boarding school with. They barely lasted a year, and Lew left the marriage with a child he had no custody with and a large penthouse in Tribeca. Life had been lonely. He worked as an economist for a while, but hated the job and quit. With no job and a failing marriage, Lew turned to one resort; alcohol. He had nobody and nothing left in life.

Dick could see the fire that was once in Lew slowly dying out. The once sarcastic and dry Lew became a self--deprecating and lonely man with too much money and time on his hands. Naturally, Dick pitied him. He could see that Lew still loved him-if he didn’t, then how did he find out about Dick moving to Bronxville? How did he find out about Dick’s new job? Why did Lew take Dick to the nicest restaurant in Bronxville. And still, even though seven years had gone by, Dick was still in love with Lew. He’d come up in his thoughts once and while, but now, when faced with him-it was hard to resist those old feelings.

Dick was worried about Lew. So being the Architect he is (mbti type wise, he’s an INTJ), he creates a plan. Lew comes down from the city to Bronxivlle on Fridays and they meet at Rosies. They catch up on their week. From court cases to annoying students, the little things that they share each make their day a little better.

Dick was well aware of Lew’s alcoholism. It was noticeable in college, but it seemed to have worsened as Lew got older. Dick encouraged Lewis to go to therapy. When things had gotten to the worst, Lew enrolled in rehab (all thanks to Dick). He saw the stubbornness in Dick and the clear frustration. Dick wasn’t one for emotions, but when he saw Lewis with a bloody forehead because he fell down the stairs, barely able to speak, Dick sobbed in the waiting room at the hospital. Lewis had never seen Dick ever be that emotional. He was hurt.

That’s when Lewis realized two things. One, he needed to fix himself. If he kept living this deductive lifestyle, he could end up dead. He didn’t want that. And Two, as much as he repressed it-he was still in love with Dick.

Lew finally deals with his issues, ranging from alcohol to his childhood trauma and abuse. It was all with the help of Dick. Dick was there for him every step on the way, playing the role as that supportive friend. Here they were, two thirty year olds. Lew would’ve never imagined being friends with a Quaker that was too good for him, but there he was.

One night, after they had dinner at Rosies, Dick and Lew go back to Dick’s tiny little colonial house. It’s not his house, but a shared apartment. It’s small, but it’s something. Lew is shocked by the living conditions, and Dick simply finds the place charming. They laugh, lock eyes, and next thing they know their lips are clashing together, rushing to take off their clothes as they fit onto Dick’s small bed.

Seven years later, they finally realize they're in love with each other and officially start dating. Dick moves to Lew’s apartment and they live there together for a while. Both getting sick of their lives in the city, Lew decides they need a break from the city and the states.

A year later, Lew proposes to Dick at Rosies, all thanks to the help of Anne Winters, Blanche, Kitty Gorgan, and Harry Welsh. Dick happily accepts, and yes; he sheds a tear. And so does Lew. Everybody sheds a solid tear; it’s a beautiful moment.

Three days before their wedding, Dick and Lew elope on the rooftop of their apartment complex. They invite the same people who helped Lewis propose to Dick. It’s a small and intimate ceremony. Their dance song is “Flightless Bird, American Mouth”. They wanted to get married without the big crowd and Lewis’s “rich jerk friends'' and “daddy’s money”.

For the next seven years, Dick and Lew travel the world. They live all over Europe. From London, To Austria, to Tokyo-they do it all. Dick always ends up sunburnt and Lew is always wearing his classic aviators, wanting to take a photo of Dick. Whenever they go to a new location, Lew always forces Dick to pose next to something, whether that be the La Fontana Dei Quattro Fiumi or the Tokyo tower, and then he sets the photo as his lock screen. Now THAT is romance right there.

Seven years of travel is a lot. Dick and Lew traveled back to the states once in a while for Holidays, but spent most of their time overseas. They are both now in their late thirties and a little exhausted from travel.

Whenever they go to a forgien country, Lew has a tendency to buy shot glasses from each country even though he’s sworn off drinking. I just want to imagine Lew, dragging Dick into a little chaka shop and being like “Oh look darling! Aren’t these adorable” and Dick would just sigh.

So after their final destination, Greece, Dick and Lew decide to retreat back to the states. They don’t wanna live in the city, so they choose to move to the quaint Lancaster. Dick mentioned that he and his friends used to go explore this abandoned farmhouse that wasn’t too far from where he used to live (about 20 mins). Lew wants to be a romantic so he decides to pay a whole lotta money to revinate the barn into a modern mansion. Here’s a picture for reference. Lew goes the extra mile and Dick is like “ *insert eye roll emoji* lew, were two people. Lew would give him a little kiss on the cheek, “and? I’m making room for the dogs.

Oh I should add that Lew officially retires (he has loads of money, it’s called inheritance baby!) while Dick considers it, but chooses not too. He chooses to live the peaceful life of a farmer.

OKAY, but here is the very juicy part

Reminder that there house is like...fucking huge. Like ridiculously big. Like there are so many rooms, and they are furnished. Like what is the point of having furnished rooms if you only have two people living in the house??

Also Lew and Dick adopt a whole armanda of dogs. If you want specifics, they have a collie named Lassie, two westie named Lovey and Duffer, A carin named Toto, Beethoven the St.Bernard, and Copper the hound dog. Oh-and that’s the start. So. Many. BUNNIES.

Dick knows Lew. He already has a child that he’s unfortunately not been able to raise since he barely has custody over his child. He seems to like his own dogs over his children. Dick doesn’t mind. Sure, he’s worked with kids, but he’s okay not having them. He does like his dogs, after all.

Harry, Dick and Lew’s best friend from college, doesn’t live far from them. He’s been married to his college sweetheart, Kitty, for five years. Together, they have a little son named Louie. Harry comes over a lot with Louie, and Louie plays with the dogs in the backyard. Dick’s a very observant person; he sees the relationship between Louie, the dogs, Lewis, and Harry. Lewis doesn’t mind Louie. Actually, he likes the kid. He’ll run around the backyard with Louie and their dog.

So Dick starts thinking about children. Maybe he’s changed his mind; maybe he wants a kid. One or two would be fine. It could be through adoption, help a family out or a kid who’s stuck in the system. Dick is like a mother when he wants to help others around him.

One night, Dick and Lew are sitting in bed. Did I mention all the dogs sleep in their bed. When shopping for furniture, Lew wanted to pick out a bed to fit all of the animals they were gonna have. Dick didn’t like the idea and made the dogs all sleep in their crates. But one night, Lew walked in on Dick snoring, lovey and dovey tucked right next to his stomach and feet. Lew once again, takes a photo, and shows it to Dick, who’s as red as a tomato.

Dick does a little sigh and Lew looks up from his book, his reading glasses slipping down his nose. He’d be like “oh, what is it now sweetheart?”

“We have such a big house, Lew. Twenty rooms and only two people live in the house-”

“Actually Six dogs and three rabbits. The dogs sleep with us and the rabbits...wherever they sleep.”

“Lew, I know you don’t like children but-”

Lew holds up Toto, who tilts her head. “But look at her! Yeah, you’re a good girl aren’t you? Daddy's little girl!”

“You love Louie-”

“Yeah, cause he’s not mine. He’s a nice kid. But children, especially teenagers, are the devils of this earth. You need to fear them, pay for them, do all kinds of stuff. With dog’s it’s easier.”

“I love our animals, but just one or two. We have so much space in the house. Help out a child who needs it. I know you don’t wanna admit it, but your great with kids-”

“Not my own. I don’t even know my own daughter. Kathy got married to some damn twink. How the hell do you think I’d be a good father?”

Dick gives him that *insert pouty emoji* look. “Just think about, Lew.”

So Lew actually thinks about. He walks around the house, feeling and seeing the quietness. They do have thousands of empty rooms and a little too much freetime on their hands. Plus, Lew hates the puppy eye stare Dick gives him.

#this was A LOT #more then I was expecting #I just really love my gay dads #second part will have the rest as easy #either as kids or cringey teens #it's gonna be a LOT #trust me it won't be as heavy as this #stay tuned!#band of brothers #winnix #lewis nixon #dick winters #my writing

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