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ramenfallsbutnotudon · 7 years ago

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Riverdale Raw Thoughts

Binge watched Riverdale last night as my Netflix membership for the month was expiring. (Not renewing again until early November to watch S2 The Crown and other stuff I’m waiting on) - Like I literally stayed up from 9 pm to 6 pm this morning watching the show straight and then went to bed and woke up at noon.

Cheesy dialogue aside, it was pretty great for what it was.

But it suffered from the same thing Scream Queens did - interesting core plot, but cheesy cringy writing and too many pop culture references to pander to their target audience demographic (I’m assuming 18-34)

Wishy-washy social commentary:

FP Jones ain’t shit but Jughead has a cute beenie and is sensitive so he’s a-okay.

Alice Cooper grew up on the “wrong side of the tracks” but married well so now she’s determined to keep south side trash out by joining the “neighborhood watch” and using her white woman hood, white feminism and ‘come-uppance’ privilage to publish edgy think pieces.

Betty Cooper has some pent up rage that is sorta overlooked because it was “for good” (doing it for the girls and trying to get revenge for Polly - and because the guy was Black, thinly veiled anti-blackness) until it isn’t overlooked but simply mentioned . Then she initally starts using Jughead and Jughead calls it out and she kind of agrees and says she has “darkness” in her - until something happens again and she decides to “let the darkness out” and be selfish and blame it on something else again.

Jughead getting dealt a piss poor hand, being okay at the South Side school (he’s a gang member - arguably gang leader or liutenant’s son...of course he’s fine jesus fucking christ Riverdale) until the trio of good show up to...talk to him and comfort him? and they realize he’s fine.

Betty making a white feminist speech about the town needing to do better because yes although her boyfriend’s dad is a Serpent he’s a good person and although her parents told her to shut her mouth she feels it’s the right thing to do. [She actually did not care about the Serpents before and her buds Veronica and Kevin heckled them during the last drive in movie screening.but whatevs] After the speech she has no solution or propsed ways the town can “do better” and there’s this awkward silence and everyone’s favorite punching bag has to clap it up so people blindy accept that lackluster speech. (I don’t expect a teenage girl to fix the towns problems but if you wanted to tackle the issue and get people talking shouldnt’t you also have some thoughts other than people not being mean to your boyfriend?)

Jughead not having shit and the gang seeing him enter the trailer with a girl and (maybe wanting to keep a pg 13 rating) stop him before their steamy make out session leads to something more give him a jacket to become a serpent and Betty is angry that he’s trying to survive and embracing the gang life that he’s essentially grown up around and will be surrounded by until he comes of age.

Archie’s dad’s forhead. my god. not social commentary but damn it bugged me.

Archie and his hottie teacher banging without impuity and her being allowed to quietly leave after obviously being a predator and dangerous person. (did they ever give her back her gun??? IS that what Alice uses when Hal breaks back in? Did Hal ever mention he stole the evidence to the sheriff even after it came to light FP was innocent?)

Archie wanting the pussy cat’s to use his song so he manipulates one of the band members (Valerie), dates her, uses their connections, ignores her, and when she dumps him and tells him why he isn’t shit he somehow doesn’t get it.

Valerie being acceptable to date because she has blue eyes and light skin but she’s rarely heard from when she’s no longer helping archie’s ‘music career’ but simply dating him.

Archie playing along with Cheryl’s crazy ass family “for his music” as an excuse to be selfish.

Archie trying to be a tortured soul when his dad point blank asked him why he’s lying if he wants music that’s cool it’s just unstable; someone else (Veronica I think?) kind of saying why are you being like this no one is making you choose between Football and music; someone bringing up he was only music when he was banging his hottie teacher; the football team heckles him once but they seen he’s Troy Bolton & they accepted him - everyone fucking accepted him but himself like christ and he spent the whole season searching for validation of his self worth in women and girls.

Just Archie I mean christ lmfao. You don’t like Betty, You make out with Veronica, you decide your really into your hottie music teacher and manipulate her into music lessons (although she manipulated the hell out of him as well), when your dad starts getting a boner for her you try to cut contact with her short, people find out, you decide the pussy cats are your answer, they explain they are black and because of the culture they have had to fight hard and they can’t have a white man just step in and run shit, archie the white man steps in and runs shit, archie breaks them up, Archie says he can’t perform alone and manipulates Valerie playing on her insecurities to leave the band, archie decides “he was wrong” and Veronica decides to help him, he ditches Veronica because he looked within himself and realized he wasn’t shit, he patronizes jughead and only resumes their rocky friendship because he wanted him to keep the secret about him banging their hottie teacher, he’s semi jealous that jughead is dating Betty, archie then really wants Veronica and wants to make sure Betty isn’t jealous. He keeps playing the hero...something which probably got his dad killed at the end - If there’s a s2 I haven’t seen it yet)

Veronica Lodge is hella famous by name and it’s a small town everyone knows who she is and she even points out that she expected more people to talk to her and acknowledge her divine presence but Kevin is like “lol you got overshadowed by another rich person’s death” /s but... Ethel Muggs truly has no fucking idea who she is? No incling? No rumors? Is she really that much of a rock-dweller?

The whole incest baby thing....the josef mengele joke...the fact that Jason and Cheryl were twins.....the eugenics joke when Cheryl’s face says them damn well know they practice eugenics and ethic breeding and need to keep up the “blossom apperance” (Her dad’s red wigs, using Archie as a stand-in for Jason...but I digress - just touch on the topic to sound edgy and draw controversy but leave it shallow eh?)

The whole “lol let’s ship our pregnant daughter away to a literal convent in 2017 because I was shipped to a convent in the late 80′s early 90′s- but why is she mad at me I love her I’d never do anything to hurt her like ambushing her and having her dragged away against her will as an underage expecting teenager lol”

Hyping big bad black football player up to fuck shit up at Archie’s party and in reality he kinda did...nothing? lmao (a la Jughead’s aminous V.O. about “no one expected what happened at that party” or some shit )

The whole “the sins of the father don’t or shouldn’t reflect on the daughter” but Veronica gets away scott free essentially and Cheryl literally loses everything because I mean fuck those Blossoms amirite lololol /S

Archie looked like Jason, got his number initially before retiring it (lol kind of insensitive to have his doppleganger become team captain for plot purposes later on ) and the Blossoms essentially used him because he mirrored Jason at the tapping ceremony.

The name Hermione Lodge lmfao she’s not old enough for the HP book reading mom boom.

Hermione Lodge and Hiram Lodge’s intials on that stupid fucking bag.

Veronica being rich and intelligent but her morals making her real fucking dumb. (I wanna go home but I also wanna coddle everyone my daddy hurt but I still wanna be rich lol but I’m implicating my mom and she’s literally begging and pleading me to stop and having crying fits but lol justice and my chanel bags hahaha and I’m gonna go clubbing and shopping even though my mom is working as a waitress and flirting with her old hs boyfriend to secure a job so we can continue to float and not drown and not be taken down by the families my dad hurt lololol omg archie is a hot prince harry hipster ginger amirite lololol the met gala lalala rich girl things new york lol)

The whole plot demand that Veronica win the impromptu HBIC dance off when big red Cheryl actually killed that shit and Veronica danced like a fucking robot.

ARCHIE HURT HIS HAND PLAYING FOOTBALL AND CRACKING THICK ICE WITH HIS BARE BLOODY KNUCKLES HOW DOES THE GINGER WONDER STILL HAVE USE OF THAT HAND ? The body heals but it’s never the same after repeated exposed trama’s to the same area in a short period of time.

.....I’ve ranted enough about this and I didn’t even mean to.

The last two episodes seemed to have been steamrolled for the sake up tying up loose ends to create a cliffhanger for another season.

Again, good for what it was....but... I truly enjoyed that the real villian was capitalism. Good job millenials.

(not sarcasm. Capitlaism destroyed Jughead’s future a la his father FP and Fred Andrews - The Coopers and the Blossoms - Josie McCoy’s mom - “Criminal” capitalism Hiram Lodge ruining his associates lives, the small town not working for everyone - Archie’s mom moving (after seperation), Jughead’s mom moving, Veronica’s mom moving back because she can survive in their economy on the nest money Hiram left....) etc etc

These small cosy “uppercrust white” town just isn’t safe anymore.

I mean have you seen that new negro mayor? That wealthy latina woman and her daughter?That negro coach and his star player son?

Remember - without Capitalism there is no social inequality, systematic racism, white supremacy, classism, etc etc

(also my personal issues with one of the actors colored this a bit biased....but on how things went it was cool.)

Also our culture has a real hardon for the 1950s eh? I know it’s based on the Archie Comics but Stranger Things, 13 Reasons Why...other media where we’re going for the small town america aesthetic and “traditional values” and sprinkling in some social issues and people of color for kicks.

On to season 2 I guess lol.

Don’t put too much stock into my raw thoughts, I just think shows (especially in our current political climate and reality) should commit to what they really want.

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