#my bestie once told me that this OC seemed a lot like my type

[im-an-anthusiast]

Ditches and Spiders

God, his forearms ITCHED.  Ugh – they sang a horrible siren song, to which the only answer was the raking of claws, the bloody contact of skin and nails. Or whatever. He clenched his fists, twisting them, rolling his wrists, and watching the taut, lean, yet somewhat gaunt muscle flexing under his scarred skin. Calixte hated the scars so, so much. They weren’t ugly, contorting, or shredding, and they weren’t spirals of thorns or carved spines. They were “beautiful”, twisting, mending – spirals of petals and curving stems. Calixte always hated the mix of lily flowers curling up his arms in a monotone white of scar tissue. They made him sick. His entire lunch – half of a white chocolate granola bar – tickled the very top of his throat, acidically ghosting over the roof of his mouth. He ought to practice Magic again.  

He applied the Sepal Balsam. Almost half the container coated his forearms thickly, massively surmounting the blood below it. Was that... wait... quadruple- no, pentuple the recommended dose? Perhaps that was why he could feel his pain fade into such intense numbness so quickly that in mere seconds he could not feel his forearms at all – and could, in real-time, watch the open wounds, cuts, gashes, and lacerations riddling his forearms and climbing up his bicep close, and twist at themselves, forming sickeningly intricate floral shapes, layering onto those already there. What a disgusting toll he has to pay, really. And, sure, he could always not push himself so much or just wait for himself to heal, but how would he get better, then? The best around don’t just rest. No pain, no gain, after all! He just has to push himself a little harder, surely...! 

The gloves contracted around his arms. They squeezed and cried at the Magic pouring into them, pushing and lashing at his flesh. The gloves wrung his arms, and blood dripped out from their hems at his biceps. All for... him.  

The bouquet strained in his arms. The paper tore open at the pressure pushed into it, flowers spilling around his flesh. Ditch and spider lilies both wrapped around his forearms, slipping from his embrace one by one. All from... him.  

“Are you proud, dad?” 

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Yandere Komaeda Headcanons submitted by Chaos under the cut (y) Warnings: Slight nsfw, yandere behavior, stalking, mention of suicide, masturbation (not very explicit.)

Yandere Nagito probably wasn't very Yandere before you came along. The unlucky boy was probably still the funky little creep to his classmates as always but as soon as you step through the doorway of 77-B's classroom then he kind of just thought, "Oh, they're pretty." And continued with his day. He didn't think too much of you.

If you were an ultimate who walked into the classroom, he wouldn't have thought much of it besides the idea that "YoU wErE sPrEaDiNg HoPe 😩"

If you were a reserve course student, on the other hand, he would think he is slightly superior. So, if you talk to him he'll feel like he's better than you but won't say anything except under certain circumstances (ex: You ask him for his opinion of you, his opinion on reserve course, that kind of stuff. At least, he's honest :/) But keep in mind, he only really acts like this when you two first meet.

After getting to form a friendship with you (however that happened, I'll leave that up to you), his crush on you takes shape quickly.

He mostly just did small stuff that made it obvious that he liked you (whether he realized it or not.) If you weren't around he'd be asking everyone in sight if they knew where you were. He'd linger uncomfortably close to you whenever you two were together. The unlucky boy also tended to...✨follow✨ you.

Bestie, run while you still can 🏃‍♀️💨 because after he kidnaps you you're gonna be more like ♿

(I guess that's assuming you can run at all...sorry if I offended someone ._.)

When you two are hanging out, he eventually opens up to you about his illnesses and past. All of what he told you would probably be a lot to process so the only thing you can think of besides, "I'm so sorry that happened to you," is that you just hug him. Now he's shocked. You're both shocked. wOAH! Nagito doesn't move at all during the hug and probably forgot to breathe because c'mon...homie hasn't received any form of physical affection for God knows how long. He's drawing a total blank and the first words that spring to his mind are, "I'm going to marry them."

You cannot tell me this man doesn't want to get married one day. Yes, his luck sucks fat juicy butt but it's just something he craves and can be selfish about. Nagito's opinion on his want for having a spouse goes back and forth, like how the fitness gram pacer test works (I bet some of you don't even know that this is something outside of a meme lol.) He probably got this desire from seeing how bad his parents' relationship was.

Nerdy headcanon stuff you don't have to read: So, it isn't canon that his parents had a bad relationship but I imagine that they did because Nagito mentions that his mom had never complimented him and he gained a massive inheritance after his family's death. Let me explain my logic on those. Nagito's mom probably never complimented him because she didn't like or want him. I also headcanon that his parents were in an arranged marriage which is why they were so rich and why I think they had a bad relationship, because let's be honest, not all arranged couples are comfortable with one another. The arranged marriage also could've been the reason why his family was wealthy, it could have had to do with business and work. So to wrap it all up, Nagito's parents are rich because of an arranged marriage and they don't really like each other and they had a kid that neither of them wanted so now it's a broken family with a fucked up kid. I know that sounds like a stretch but that's why it's a headcanon and not actually canon lol.

After that one hug, that's when he truly sees you as some sort of ethereal Deity that he was sure he was going to wed in the future (Hell, he'd probably settle for right there, right now.) He no longer cared if you were an ultimate or not because now he saw you as something even greater. Of course, he still views himself as scum but even scum has desires that they are willing to do anything for.

After Nagito had come back to his dorm, the realization hit him that if he was going to marry you, he would have to be worthy of your hand in marriage. So, he prepares. By that I mean he starts stalking you a lot.

You two were already friends on social media so you probably didn’t dwell too much on it when you found him accidentally liking old posts. He’d go on your socials and scroll through it looking for every little bit of information he could find on you. Sometimes he'd strike gold and other times he'd dig up dirt. Nagito began talking to you a lot more so he could gain some information on your likes and dislikes. You only assumed that he was more comfortable with talking to you now because he confided his troubles in you but in reality he was planning your future life with him. Once in a while you'd invite to your dorm whether it was for hangouts, study sessions, or just sleepovers (he absolutely LOVED it when you brought those up.) The only opening he had to steal stuff is when you went to the bathroom and when that happened all he'd do every single time is go to the closet, grab another one of the pillow cases that the dorm provides, and switch them out with your current ones. When the pillowcase stops smelling like you then he just sticks it in the school's laundry basket where things like bed sheets, pillow cases, and blankets that belong to the school go.

After weeks after weeks of obtaining bits and pieces of information on you such as food you like and dislike, what your family is like (If you/your oc has one), your favorite movies, music genres, and clothing, etc., He eventually realized that he lacked three more things. Romance, experience, and…"performance."

The one thing he absolutely needed to learn first was "How to kiss." Even though no one sees his search history besides him, it was still very  embarrassing to put those words on his computer. He typed those three letters into the google machine and ta-da! A wikihow page and a YouTube video were apparently his best options. He opted for the latter and watched as a lady and her boyfriend demonstrated how to perform different types of kisses. Intimate and sexual. He feels awkward just watching this and he feels like he should practice but...on what? Luckily for him, there is a perfectly good pillow lying on his bed.

...This was definitely weird. His chapped lips were pressed against the plush pillow as he imagined he was french kissing you. This doesn't seem like the greatest method but Nagito doesn't seem to have any other choice.

The pillow in front of me was wrinkled and slightly wet from where I had last kissed it. It felt beyond awkward to kiss a pillow and imagine it was your future partner. I couldn't imagine them walking in on me as my face was buried in a pillow while moaning out muffled noises. It would be far too embarrassing but, I've faced worse. Practice should continue or else my mouth will never come as even a fraction of pleasure to my love. I approach the pillow and lay, stomach down, on my bed again. While this has been an awkward situation, my insides are starting to feel like they're on fire! It's probably just the thought of Y/N floating around in my brain. I take a deep breath before cupping my hands at the corners of the pillow and diving my mouth towards the pillow once more. I start off with a short kiss but continuously start moving my lips against, what I imagine to be, their lips. I move my bottom lip more often than my top. Imagining I'm trapping their lips against mine. Just the thought of trapping them makes me grind my hips against the mattress a little. Even though I'm soft I still let out a little whimper. Does Y/N even like it when their partner makes noise? I wasn't able to find any information on what she likes in bed so...with my luck, I'll just leave it to chance. My kisses get more sloppy and desperate. I begin swiping and swirling my tongue against the pillow thinking about just what it might feel like to make out with them. Their hot, wet mouth pressing up against mine while our tongues rub against one another in an attempt to touch each other. I moan seemingly too loud at that thought and start humping the bed. Everything feels so hot.

Maybe combining kissing practice and "performance" practice would be a good idea.

Once he starts performance practice, his browser is constantly on sex related websites. But more on the education side...he wants to know how to make you feel good and how to make himself last longer. Once in a while, he does go on the hub though so he can pretend it's you and him having sex on the screen. He tries his best to look for ones where it sounds like you or looks like you. He prefers the ones where it sounds like you so that way he could just close his eyes and imagine you and him are together. 

Just a random bonus I thought I'd add in: He got a boner during class once and sat there for like ten minutes just waiting for it to go away. So he just ended up palming himself through his pants and struggled to not make any noise. He liked to imagine you were under the desk pressing your face against his clothed crotch and just rubbing your face around that area. Luckily, he came without letting a single noise slip past his lips. Unluckily, Nagito cums a lot. So everyone could see the enormous wet spot on the crotch of his pants when class was dismissed.

He happens to have a weird habit of doing domestic and soft things with a hint of creepy. For example, one of his favorite things to do as of recently is print out a picture that has your face in it, tape it to his pillow, and fall asleep cuddling it. This sounds fine if you two were dating but… you aren't. He'll give it kisses, cuddle with it, fall asleep with it, and, of course, it's what he uses during his performance practice. He also enjoys eating meals with it and watching movies while cuddling it too. He perceives it all as practice for when you two are wed.

I'm going to assume you aren't an oblivious idiot and just say that you probably began to notice how weird he'd get around you. You tried distancing yourself a little bit but enough to still stay friends. He noticed the change in how often you'd hang out with him and his anxiety skyrocketed. Nagito would feel he had only a couple choices left. And that was to kidnap you, get rid of any obstacles that didn't allow him to spend every waking moment with you, or just flat out kill you so that way no one could have you. He already knew he wouldn't be able to even breathe without you so he'd likely kill himself as well in the process.

Author's Note: I'll probably be discontinuing that one Nagito x reader chapter 2 because I wasn't able to finish it before the school year started and I was just dissatisfied with the chapters BUT! I do have plenty of headcanons on yandere Komaeda! Message me if you want some far more nsfw headcanons because I have a lot for this guy.  I'm also very open to crackfic oneshots.

[phantom-curve]

find the strength, find the melody pt. 7

lmfao I love how I posted an update 2 days ago like “this fic will have sporadic posts! idk when they’re coming!” and then I spent the last two days writing this. when that insomnia inspiration hits ya gotta just go with it!

this chapter went in a completely different direction than I had planned on soooo yeah...honestly not sure where this is gonna end up! the characters from my OC novel that I’m loosely basing this story around didn’t have a connection before they ran into each other so when Julie gave me this I almost cut it because I genuinely wasn’t sure where it was going. I think I’ve almost figured it out and I’m pretty sure I know how this will end. and now we all get to laugh at me together because it’s definitely gonna be more than 3-4 chapters. it might even be more than 6. Luke’s POV will have roughly the same amount of chapters I think, possibly longer because boy oh boy does he have A LOT to say (most of it about Julie). fair warning: this one has an awkward cut off because of the way I need to set up the next chapter. sorry about that.

and now something I probably should be embarrassed to admit: I don’t remember writing the part where I managed to sneak an “I’ve Got The Music” reference in so now we know for sure this show has infiltrated my brain. it’s fine, I’m fine, at least I WILL BE WHEN WE GET A S2!!!! KENNY!!!! SAVE ME HERE!!! MAKE MY UNHINGED OBSESSIONS WORTH IT!!!!!

taglist: @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles, @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan, @moonlightxnder, @leahthewonder​, @kat-maybe-not​, @lukewearingbeanies, @imastrugglingartist​​

It was no small miracle that Julie made it through the afternoon without Ray asking for details about her supposed ‘plan’ to play with the Sunset Curve boys. She didn’t think she would have been able to pull off spinning a story quite as well as Luke had earlier. She had expected at least a small amount of interrogating about when she had started playing again, but apparently the news that she was playing at all, let alone with other people in front of an audience, was enough for Ray to ignore all of the other plot holes involved in this scheme. He seemed to have almost forgotten the meeting with Principal Lessa entirely, humming on the drive home, kissing her forehead and turning her loose to freak out alone in her room while he sat down to work on his computer in the dining room. Julie took full advantage of the time alone to restlessly pace her room and send Flynn a 911 text. Her bestie’s contact photo lit up the phone screen 30 seconds later.

“Okay, I’m hiding in the basement girl’s bathroom, so you’ve got exactly 5 minutes before I get too grossed out to stay here.”

Julie’s chest loosened at the sound of Flynn’s comforting voice. There wasn’t anyone else in the world that loved her the way Flynn did. It was reassuring and made it easy for Julie to let loose.

“Lessa told Dad about the music program and then You-Know-Who ambushed us outside of her office and basically forced me to agree to perform with them.”

“Voldemort was at Los Feliz?!”

Flynn’s gasp was overflowing with sarcasm.

“Flynn!” Julie whined. “Be serious! Luke showed up out of nowhere again! And he did the thing again! The charming his way into getting what he wants thing! And now I have to play with his freaking band! What the hell am I supposed to do?”

There was silence for a moment. When Flynn spoke again her voice was softer, more serious.

“You don’t have to play with them, Jules. You can tell them no, and they’ll have no choice but to respect that. The only person who can make you do anything is you. But...I kinda think you might want to play with them.”

“What?! No!”

Julie’s exclamation was a second late. Flynn didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. Julie sighed.

“Okay fine. There’s something about Luke that makes me want to play again. Are you happy? He gave mom’s song back to me when I thought it was lost forever. He’s the only person who’s heard me perform it, and he...no one else has ever made me feel that good about my music before.”

Julie thanked her lucky stars Flynn wasn’t in the room to see her blush. There was a long moment of contemplative silence on the other end of the line. When she spoke again, there was that extra note of take-no-shit in Flynn’s voice that made Julie sit up and really listen.

“I think you should give it a chance. Who knows, maybe this is some sort of sign from your mom. You said it was a miracle he would have even found that song in the first place. You said it felt like she was there with you when you were playing. Maybe she made sure it would find its way back to you when you were ready for it.”

Julie didn’t say anything, just worried her bottom lip with her teeth. Her heart beat a little faster in her chest. It had felt a little too perfect to be just a coincidence. The way Luke kept appearing in her life at the exact moments she needed him someone or something to help her keep moving forward. Flynn sighed.

“Look, I’m not saying it is your mom. But I’m not saying there’s not some kind of greater power out there that keeps pushing the two of you together. I think you should give it a chance. If nothing else, you can get back in the music program and we can bring Double Trouble to life in time for our Junior Showcase!”

Julie couldn’t help laughing. Her eyes felt misty, love for her best friend welling up in her heart.

“I never agreed to that name you know. But thanks, Flynn. I’ll think about it.”

“Good. Now. I gotta get the fuck out of this grimy ass bathroom. Love you, bye!”

Flynn waited for her to return the sentiment before hanging up.  Julie flopped back on her bed, letting her breath out in a loud whoosh as she hit the comforter. A glance at her phone told her she only had a couple hours until Luke and the other boys would be out of school and on their way to her house. She tried her best to ignore the way that thought made her stomach roll with a type of nervousness she would rather not name. It was easier to blame it on nerves over playing with new people rather than nerves over playing with Luke. Except...now that she actually thought about it, she had played with Luke before. Her head spun, eyes fluttering shut as she remembered the one music class she had shared with Luke last year.

She had only been a freshman, stuck in a lowly Introduction to Composition class. It was supposed to be for new songwriters. Julie had a little more experience than the rest of the class, after all she’d been kind of composing with her mom for a few years now, so when it had been time to write a duet for their final big project she had gotten paired up with the classmate whose skill level most matched hers. It was supposed to be a way for them to challenge each other and grow as writers instead of one person doing most of the work. Julie had been paired with Luke.

He’d been a grumbly sophomore, held back for failing his last semester of Intro to Comp the year before. He had been stuck there only for the second semester, forced to double up between their class and his second year Composition class. Julie hadn’t been all that excited about partnering with him. He hadn’t really seemed to care about the class at all, and even though Julie also sometimes felt like it was holding her back a little bit, she never once voiced that thought. It was a privileged mindset, and Julie was well aware that she had an advantage over her classmates since her mother was a professional songwriter. Luke, on the other hand, had made it well known that he felt like he was wasting his time just waiting to get through the semester so he could move up to the Advanced Composition class that he felt he truly belonged in. Julie could usually do no more than roll her eyes in those moments.

It was true that Luke was talented. His guitar playing was impressive, his lyrics were heartfelt and sometimes even downright poetic. Julie just didn’t think anyone deserved specific things in life because they happened to be naturally talented at something. Their songwriting experience had been...interesting to say the least. And short. It had ended abruptly when Julie’s mother had died 5 days later. In the end, they’d only worked together for two 40-minute class periods before she had been lost in the fog of grief that consumed her in the weeks following the loss of her mom.

Julie shot up in bed, eyes wide. She didn’t even fully remember what had happened with the half-finished song they had been working on. Errant notes echoed in her head, like a song that had only existed in dreams until now. She absently wondered if Luke had held onto that as well. It was no wonder she had kept that particular memory suppressed all this time. That time in her life had been particularly painful. Luke had been gentle with her though. Almost all traces of his typical arrogance gone in the two short class periods they’d had to work together. He had kept things light, steering their songwriting in the direction of a rock ballad more than a true duet. Julie hadn’t minded. She had been floating through classes by then anyway, on edge every second she was away from her mom’s bedside. It had been easier to work on something that didn’t have as many sappy emotions attached to it.

She groaned, burying her face in her hands. No wonder Luke had been so sweet with her. He must have had a front row seat to her breakdown throughout the last year. She hadn’t even realized it. Had never before seen the way he watched her from a distance, checked in on her during class. She should have. Now that she was thinking about it, trying to identify every instance, she could name a million. How had she missed it for so long? How had he gone so long without saying anything? The Luke she remembered was terrible at keeping his mouth shut. He had always been ready to speak his mind, never afraid to start a discourse. It didn’t track that he had been holding himself back. Unless...it was more about her musical ability than anything else. She remembered now; Luke had been thrilled to partner with her for the duet. He had made some remark about how her sound was the perfect complement to his. Maybe he only cared about the ways they would mesh as songwriters. She could only hope that’s what his words had meant.

She felt more secure in her footing as a musician when it came to dealing with Luke than she ever had as a simple teenaged girl. If it was just about the music she could compartmentalize better, keep herself from getting too emotionally invested. Music had always been a safe zone, neutral. She breathed in and out deeply, remembering the technique Dr. Turner had taught her to slow her breathing and recenter her mind. She could do this. It was just about the music. They would play a song together, Julie would get back into the music program, and life would move forward much in the way it had before. Except Julie would actually participate in class this time. She had the music back in her soul, she wasn’t ever going to let it go again. On her next exhale, she heard the doorbell ring. Showtime. Julie zipped down the stairs, ripping open the door before her dad had a chance to get more than three feet away from his computer. Luke, Alex and Reggie all stumbled back a step as she tumbled outside, pulling the front door shut behind her. The three teenaged boys shared a look.

“Studio. Now.”

Julie raced down the path to her mom’s studio before they could react, not even waiting to see if they followed her. If they were smart, if they truly wanted to do this, they would. She hauled the garage doors open, only turning around when she had the piano at her back. The wood felt warm and solid, almost like she had her mom as a support behind her instead of an instrument. The boys appeared seconds later, Luke leading the way. He stopped a couple feet inside of the studio, studying her with wide open earnest eyes. She let out a deep breath. Reggie spoke up before she could get a word out.

“Woah, Julie, this studio is so cool! It’s like a tiny home! A musical tiny home in a botanical garden!!”

His green eyes were wide, expression awed as he spun to take in the space that Julie and her mom had spent countless hours turning into theirs.

“How did you get chairs on the ceiling?! Are you, like, a witch and a siren?!! Man, you and your mom must have made some serious magic in here.”

Luke’s arm shot out faster than lightening to backhand Reggie’s bicep. Reggie cringed away, a soft owww! just barely audible over the loud sigh Alex let out as he buried his face in his hands. Reggie shrugged, looking back and forth between his bandmates before giving Julie a confused yet apologetic glance. What had he said wrong this time? The giggle that bubbled out of her was as unexpected as it was welcomed. Warmth blazed in her heart, memories of the time she had spent in here with her mom washing over her with a kind of hazy bliss she hadn’t ever experienced before. She gazed at Reggie, letting that same feeling of motherly love from the night before fill her up. It was all she could do not to react to Luke’s jaw dropping when she gave Reggie a soft smile.

“We did. We made so much magic in here.”

The words were gentle and filled with a kind of genuine love that overshadowed all other feelings of awkward nervousness. Alex and Luke relaxed instantly, Reggie’s face losing all traces of uncertainty as he beamed at her with a smile so large it almost looked painful. Julie couldn’t help but let herself return it, just a little bit. The silence that settled between them was more comfortable, the tense moment from earlier broken. Julie studied the boys in front of her. She hadn’t ever thought of them as friends per se. They knew each other, would say hi if they encountered one another outside the walls of the high school, but at the same time, they didn’t actually know each other. Julie’s little run in with Luke the night before had made that painfully obvious. She wasn’t really sure what to make of them.

“Are you guys actually serious about this whole Showcase scheme? Did Luke even tell you about his dumb plan?”

“Hey! That plan is genius. Even your dad agreed. He seems pretty cool.”

Julie couldn’t help the fond way she rolled her eyes. Alex was quick to reassure her that they did, in fact, know about the plan.

“Not that I actually think it’s a particularly well thought out plan.” He stated with a lingering glare at Luke’s back.

The planner in question did his best to ignore the skeptical look on Julie’s face.

“Julie, you really don’t deserve to be out of the music program.” Reggie’s voice was soft and sincere. “You have the voice of an angel. If we can help convinced Ms. Harrison and Principal Lessa to give you your spot back it will be so worth it. And even if we don’t, it’ll be worth the looks on their faces when we rock the pants off that crowd!”

Julie laughed in spite of herself, slightly reassured even as she chewed nervously on her lip. Luke took a few bouncy steps forward, pulling her attention to him completely. His eyes locked on hers and she was sure she was drowning, throat tightening at the look he was giving her.

“You got this. I wouldn’t have come up with this idea if I didn’t believe it 100%.”

Honestly, that was what scared her the most about it.

“We don’t even have anything prepared.”

Her voice was barely a whisper, unsteady and wavering. Luke took a few more steps towards her, Reggie and Alex ghosting along silently a few feet behind him. Julie didn’t even notice, so laser focused on the brunette boy in the cut-up tank top in front of her. She watched his muscles flex as he reached into his back pocket, flicking out a piece of folded up paper in a move scarily reminiscent of when he had given her mom’s song back to her. He bit his lip, head ducking a little to be closer to hers as he unfolded the worn sheets of scrappy notebook paper. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, focusing on the messy handwriting in front of her.

“I thought you would say that.”

The smile on his face was so soft and sweet it should have been illegal.

“It’s called ‘Bright’. It’s a Sunset Curve song that we never performed because it’s missing something. Look,” his bare shoulder brushed hers as he shifted to point at the notes, warmth seeping through the thin material of her t-shirt, “it’s perfect for your range. I was thinking, if we add a little bit of piano here and here,” fire blazed a path up her arm as his fingers traced along the opening notes and chorus, forearm flexing against her own, bare skin brushing in teasing licks, “it’ll be perfect.”

Julie forced herself to focus on what he was saying, eyes roving across the paper. She hummed a little under her breath, hearing what he described in her head. His eyes lit up when he saw her get it, feet springing up and down as he dipped even closer towards her and started to sing.

We will rise, through the night

You and I

We will fight to shine together

Bright forever

His voice vibrated in her chest, the sound filling her with an emotion she couldn’t fully identify. Alex and Reggie bobbed along behind him, Reggie’s fingers plucking out the baseline on an invisible guitar while Alex nodded along to an unseen beat. Julie could envision the way the song would sound with a complete band, could practically see herself fitting seamlessly into the mix with her piano and vocals. She couldn’t help the smile that curved her lips as she joined in, reading the lyrics off of the page.

And rise through the night,

You and I

We will fight to shine together

“Go up high.”

Luke cut in, fingers twirling towards the ceiling. Julie automatically made the adjustment in notes to harmonize her voice with his for the last line, holding the final syllable for a beat longer than him.

Bright forever

“Yes!”

Luke’s arm pumped up and down, bicep flexing and distracting Julie momentarily. She dropped her head shyly, trying to hide her blush. When her cheeks cooled a moment later she looked back up at the boy in front of her. His eyes were glowing, smile stretched a mile wide as he stared at her. Unconditional belief in her was practically oozing from his pores. She felt her face soften as their eyes locked, giving him her own sweet smile that was meant just for the two of them. She thanked him with a gentle murmur, heart melting as he simply bit his lower lip and nodded.

A throat cleared in the background, and Julie was snapped out of their private bubble by the sound. Her entire face felt engulfed in flames as she looked over Luke’s shoulder to see Alex and Reggie still standing a few paces behind him. Reggie’s face was bright, his sunshine temperament back in full force. Alex was a little more guarded, but he was giving her an encouraging smile and there was cautious optimism swimming in his sage green eyes as he fiddled with one of his drumsticks. She inhaled deeply and let her breath out in one smooth exhale. The same sort of peacefulness from the night before settled over her.

“Okay. Okay, so we’re doing this.”

Luke’s whoop was so loud both her and Alex jumped. Reggie raced forward with a cheer to sling one arm around Luke’s shoulders and the other around Julie’s, pulling them so close to his chest that their noses nearly touched. Julie saw the blush staining Luke’s cheeks and felt her own warm to match. Alex coughed again.

“Reg, c’mon. Let it settle for just a sec before you go all human octopus on the poor girl.”

“Oh, right! Sorry, Jules!!”

Reggie released both of them quickly. Julie flicked her gaze between the three boys, enjoying the glimpses at their band dynamic. Alex’s words had sounded a bit exasperated, but there was a fondness running through them as well. He gave a half-hearted roll of his eyes at Reggie’s abrupt movements and reached his own long arm out to pull the dark-haired boy close.

“Help me unload the van? I still don’t trust our little Lukey boy with my kit.”

“Hey! That was one time!”

Luke sounded downright offended. The dark look Alex leveled at him in response had Julie choking back a laugh with a badly disguised cough. Clearly once of whatever he did was enough. Luke pouted, arms flexing as they crossed over his chest.

“You put your foot through my bass drum, and you think that isn’t reason enough not to trust you with it ever again?”

Luke sputtered, eyes flicking to Julie and back to Alex as his ears reddened.

“I told you I didn’t see it!”

“It’s the biggest part of the kit, dumbass. Literally the hardest thing to miss.”

Alex’s voice was as unimpressed as it was dismissive. Luke threw his hands in the air as the other boys headed out of the studio, laughing amongst themselves. It was clear this was a regular argument between the two, no heat or anger left in it, only a loving sort of tease. Like the way Carlos still brought up that time she accidentally gave him a concussion double-bouncing him off of their neighbor’s trampoline when he wanted something from her. Or the way her Tía would still laugh as she remembered the time her mom had almost gotten them both arrested for a bar fight on her 21st birthday, Ray affectionately filling in the parts that she tried to leave out. Warmth bloomed in her chest. This wasn’t just a band, wasn’t just a ragtag trio of friends. These guys were brothers. This was a family. And they were letting her into that intimate circle.

The thought was both humbling and nerve-wracking. This Showcase was a big deal. It wasn’t just some school assignment. This could impact their future as a band career-wise. They were all trusting her with this, fully believing in her, or at least, fully believing in Luke’s faith in her abilities. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever believed in her like that. Not anyone that hadn’t known her since she was in diapers. Her head swam, knees feeling a bit weak. She stumbled her way over to the couch, collapsing onto it with a barely audible huff. Luke was in front of her instantly, crouched down so they were face to face. His hands twitched in his lap, but he didn’t reach for her.

“Hey. Julie. Breathe.”

She sucked in a breath, zeroing in on nothing more than his face. After a few seconds she realized he was breathing in and out slowly, just loud enough for her to hear over the jumble of thoughts running amok in her brain. She matched her own inhales and exhales to his, the room slowly coming back into focus as her head cleared. He gave her one of those soft smiles she was starting to think of as hers.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But I wouldn’t have stopped you in school if I didn’t think you were gonna rock it. I heard you last night. I listened to you for years before last night.”

His chin dropped in embarrassment for just a second before he pulled his gaze back up to hers. Julie felt like she was on the edge of a cliff. Not for the first time she wished she knew how long this version of Luke had been lurking under the surface. It took everything in her not to let herself step off that ledge and fall.

“Music is in your soul. It’s a part of you. Not everyone is like that, but you are. Your life without music...”

He tapered off like the thought was physically painful to him, eyebrows furrowing in a slight wince.

“Living without music would be like living in a world without stars: dark and empty and uninspired. You deserve galaxies, Julie. You deserve the chance to shine exactly like the star you are, and the world deserves the chance to hear you. Please, just...have a little faith?”

She saw it then. As he gazed at her with those bottomless ocean eyes, with that special smile on his lips and sincerity bleeding through every word, she knew. Luke was like her. Luke got it. In a way that no one else except her mom ever had. That’s what this was. They were kindred spirits, two sides of the same coin. And that feeling? The wind rushing through her hair and stealing her breath away while her limbs all turned to jelly feeling? That was definitely her falling head over heels off of the cliff and into Luke Patterson completely.

“Okay.”

She breathed out, and his answering smile set off the butterflies she thought had finally left her stomach. He stood up and held a hand out to her, easily pulling her to her feet in one smooth movement.

“You know,” his smile turned rueful, “eventually you’re gonna have to answer one of my questions with something other than ‘okay’. That’s a pretty passive word, and I’m not really a passive type of person. I wanna start hearing some ‘hell yeah’s and ‘awesome’s pretty soon.”

Julie rolled her eyes, moving away from Luke to set up her keyboard. He gave her a bouncy little shrug of his shoulders, and she let the levity of his joke wash over her, releasing the last bit of nerves. She could do this. Luke believed in her. Her mom believed in her. Hell, Alex and Reggie believed in her and she barely even knew them. She could do this, just like her mom had said.

Noise from the other boys making their way up the driveway had her rushing to pull both doors to the studio open so they could haul in Alex’s drum kit. The three of them left together to grab amps and guitars, Julie finishing the rest of the set up in the garage. Before she had time to overthink things or freak out again, they were all settled into their spots and Alex was counting down for their first run through. Fingers against the keys, Julie breathed out, opened her mouth, and began to play.

[bluewhale52]

The History of Us - Ch. 25

Synopsis: You have built your career and you have 2 rising hip hop superstars as your besties. Life is pretty good, until one drunken night that derails your life plan. How would you survive?

Pairing: ?? x OC , main characters are mostly Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae, but all 7 are present now

Fic type: text

Word Count: 2.2k

Genre: Strangers to Lovers!AU, fluff, angst, NSFW

Rated: R/ 18+

Warning: swearing, talk about sex and pregnancy, foreplay that includes breast touching/ massage

Disclaimer: photos are not mine, and of course characterization and scenarios of the boys are purely of my imagination

Masterlist  |  Next>>

Ch. 25 - Bombshell

3 May 2019, 06:30am

You sit at the edge of the bed, watching Taehyung sleep. Little snores escape his mouth, and his eyes twitch occasionally, and you wonder what he is dreaming about. His hair has grown longer now, and you have come to adore the soft curls that adorn his face. You smile at how much his hair reminds you of a King Charles Spaniel.

You brush your fingers over his hair, not wanting to leave just yet, but you know he is not going to wake up anytime soon. You wish you could just sleep in with him, but with the success of your best friends’ tour, you know there are a lot of things to do and plan for the rest of the year and even into the next year. You are determined to give them the world tour that you have promised.

With one hand rubbing your back (the back pain is becoming a daily occurrence, as all the pregnancy books and blogs have warned you), and one hand on the bed as an anchor, you push your 27-week pregnant body up. You gasp lightly when you feel a fingers wrapping around your wrist.

You sit back down and turn to Taehyung, who is blinking his eyes to rid away his sleepiness. His voice hoarse, he asks, “What time is it?”

“Early. Go back to sleep.” You gently answer.

Rubbing his eyes, Taehyung sits up and looks at the clock at your bedside. “Noona, it’s so early.” He blinks a few more times. “And you are dressed for work. Why are you leaving so early?”

“I have to leave the office early to get ready for that gala.” You answer, rolling your eyes. Hoseok has reminded you all week that he will be brining a stylist and a make up artist to your office at 4pm on the dot. “I don’t understand how I’d need three hours to get ready. I mean it’s just dress, hair and make up; I could do it all myself in under thirty minutes.”

Taehyung lies back down on the bed, chuckling. “Always so efficient, my darling.” He rubs your arm and yawns. How does he still look so handsome when he yawns? “I’m sorry I came home so late last night.”

You shake your head in understanding. “It’s ok, how was it by the way? Your bro-date with Seokjin?”

“It was good, I’m really glad we did that.” He rubs his chin. “It’s nice to have that one on one talk, you know?”

“Put your mind at ease?” You ask carefully. You know Taehyung has not been the most receptive having Seokjin in your and his inner circle, and you have been extra careful to keep the balance between your boyfriend and your baby daddy.

“Yeah,” Taehyung lets out a long exhale. “We talked a lot. And I think I needed that more than he did? I was being very honest with him, maybe I was being too honest, like I told him all the reasons why I didn’t like him.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Wow, and how did he react?”

Taehyung scrunches his nose. “I hate that I put him in a corner like that. But...” Taehyung trails off, you stroke his leg, encouraging him to continue. “I wanted him to know what he’s put me through. Although you know most of it is my own overthinking. That was so cruel of me, right? He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Yeah, that’s quite mean, Tae.” You reply in a low voice.

“But he’s such a good guy, Noona, like despite everything I said, he was still willing to listen and not retaliate at me. There are so many what-ifs going through my mind now he’s in the picture. He makes the effort to understand where I was coming from, in terms of you, us, the baby... he even bought me ramyeon.”

You burst out laughing. “Oh dear Taehyung, he knows your weakness.”

“Don’t tease. But yeah, we ended up eating ramyeon by the river, and then we just talked. I mean, really talked, and not about the three of us, but you know..” Taehyung runs his fingers through his hair.

“Like friends.” You conclude for him. Taehyung nods. “Well that’s fantastic, I’m happy, Tae.” You try to bend down to kiss him, but your pregnant belly is in the way. You pout. “Come up here and kiss me, daddy.”

Licking the corner of his mouth, Taehyung sits up and scoots closer to you. He wraps his big hand around the back of your neck, his fingers burying themselves in your hair. “You can’t call me daddy and expect me to just kiss you, darling.”

You sigh contentedly as he presses his lips against yours. “Maybe I want more than just a kiss.” You murmur. Taehyung hums as he continues to kiss you, then you abruptly pull back.

“So you’re good with Seokjin now, right?” You ask as Taehyung presses his body closer to yours, his lips start moving to your jaw.

“Yes, we’re good, darling.” Taehyung huffs as you push him back.

“OK, good, because it’s difficult for me to play mediator all the time between you two. And, Taehyung, stop it!” You squeal as his lips latch onto your neck and his hand sneaks up to cup your breast. “We’re not done talking about it!”

Taehyung is covering your neck with kitten licks, you have been very stern about him not to mark you on areas you cannot hide. “Hmmm, we can talk now,” he answers between licks. His hand is massaging your breast harder.

You moan his name as you feebly try to push him away again. “We always do this, when we need to talk, ah!” He sucks at your collarbone, interrupting you.

"We have the best talk when I’ve got my cock deep in you.” Taehyung mouths at your neck again. He glances at the alarm clock. “What time do you need to be in the office?”

“7:30.” You breathe out, voice thick of neediness.

“Good, shall we see how many times I can make you cum in thirty minutes?”

-------

3 May 2019, 13:20pm

You slurp another forkful of spaghetti bolognese as the door to your office opens. Namjoon and Seokjin walk in, followed by Yoongi who grimaces at your lunch.

“Noona, seriously, do you even eat anything else?”

You wipe your mouth. “What Little Miss wants, Little Miss gets.” You watch the three men standing around awkwardly before you. Something is up.

“Is everything OK?”

The three of them look at each other, before Namjoon speaks up. “About the gala tonight, there’s something you need to know.” He turns to Seokjin. “Hyung, I think it’s best you tell her.”

Seokjin rubs his face repeatedly. “OK, promise you won’t get angry, please.”

“We’re just here for moral support, by the way, he was too scared to talk to you.” Yoongi pipes in, earning an annoyed groan from Seokjin. You put aside your spaghetti. This is serious.

“Ok,” Seokjin takes a seat in front of you and inhales sharply. “do you know a Lee Yuri?”

You narrow your eyes. “Lee Yuri, whose father is in the National Assembly? Who works in my old firm and exists in this world to be my ultimate arch-nemesis?”

“I told you this isn’t good.” Yoongi whispers to Namjoon, who only nods sympathetically.

Seokjin seems to sink deeper into his seat. “Yes, and who also happens to be an acquaintance of mine...”

“He means fuck buddy.” Yoongi pipes in.

“Yah Yoongi!” Seokjin turns to glare at Yoongi angrily.

You look at Seokjin and your two friends questioningly,  “Are we here to discuss about Jin’s horrible choice of a fuck buddy? Because Jin, seriously of all the women you can get, really? Lee Yuri?”

Seokjin shakes his head, his ears immediately turning red. “She’s easy, OK? One phone call and.. no, we’re not talking about that.”

You stare at Seokjin, still unsure where the conversation is heading. He takes a deep breath.

“I did call her last weekend, you know for... that purpose. But that’s not the point of the story here. The point is,” he hurriedly says before Yoongi can interrupt him, “the point is, she’s friends with the owner of that god-awful gossip site that we hate and whose name will not  be mentioned here.”

Your eyes widened. Seokjin quickly continues. “She talks a lot after.. you know, and we kind of go way back,  we went to the same high school and university..”

“Where Seokjin first became fuck buddy with her.” Yoongi comments.

You look at Yoongi. “Thanks for the information no one asks for, Yoongs. How do you even know..”

“He told us.” Yoongi gestures to Seokjin.

“Not important to what I’m trying to say, but..” Seokjin tries to continue.”Well her family is friends with mine and I think our moms once tried to set us u..”

“Hyung, focus.” Namjon places his hand on Seokjin’s shoulder.

“Right, OK,” Seokjin clears his throat and glances at you nervously, “so, she knows you work here now, and that you and me are business acquaintances, BUT she doesn’t know that we’re all friends.”

You hold your breath, waiting for the bombshell to drop.

“And last weekend when I was with her, she was asking a lot about you. As if she’s trying to dig some dirt on you.”

There it goes. You remember Lee Yuri as the ultimate queen bee in your old firm, a position she holds because people offer her gossips inside and outside work relating to her co-workers, in return of, well, you suppose her attention and being accepted into her clique. She uses her collection of gossips and hearsay to manipulate your co-workers, and even the bosses and the clients.

You remember exactly how you and Yuri became enemies. She wanted the Bulletproof account; at first she acted all sweet and charming but you saw through her. You saw how she wanted to account so that she could sell it to another investor, and you would not sacrifice Namjoon and Yoongi. Not being able to take rejection gracefully, she launched an salicious attacks on you. For two years, you put your head down and focused on Bulletproof. As long as your friends’ label was doing well, there was no reason for the upper management to remove you. It annoys you greatly that even after you were fired from your firm, she is still haunting you.

“We think she's the one who hinted at your being Joon’s baby mama.” Seokjin cowers.

You swear in response. You know Seokjin’s legal team is doing its job, they have scared the living daylight out of the gossip site for publishing such slanderous article about you and Namjoon. You know they can’t afford to go to court, so an apology is soon coming. And you trust Seokjin enough that he will not say a single word about you, or Namjoon, or anyone else in Bulletproof to that snake. So, this is not the end of Seokjin’s confession.

“There’s more isn’t it?” You ask the three men. You brace yourself for the final blow.

“She’s coming to the gala tonight.”

You close your eyes and exhale in defeat. “Seokjin, you gotta be fucking kidding me!”

“She’s a family friend! My mom curates the guest list! I just found out this afternoon that she’s coming! Please don't kill me.” Seokjin begs.

“Ok ok ok...” you take deep breaths. “This is not a problem, right? There’s nothing she can do even if she sees me at the gala.”

“No, Noona, you see, she hates- HATES- you. She was saying how you stole the Bulletproof account from her, apparently your boss promised to give it to her after you were fired. And then you came here and you took over yourself, leaving the firm and all that. She is out for your blood.” Seokjin explains hurriedly.

“Well what else can she do? That site can’t say anything anymore about me and Joon.”

Namjoon clears his throat. “Doesn't mean she can't tell the others, Noona.”

“She will purposely provoke you at the gala. So you have to be ready.” Yoongi sighs.

“And people will talk. They will talk and whisper behind your back. You have to be ready for that too.” Seokjin says apologetically.

“Is it going to hurt us? The label?” The four of you look at each other at your question. "You guys have great momentum after the tour, we can't afford to lose it over some gossip, guys.” You remind them.

Seokjin rubs his chin, “We’ll just have to play this to our advantage. We can get an interview with a respected unbiased journalist. We’ll just tell it as it is, let the truth be out there, anyone who tries to twist it will just be seen as petty or jealous.”

You gulp. “Tell it as it is? Including your identity as...”

“If we hide nothing, there’s nothing for them to dig.” Yoongi murmurs. Namjoon nods in agreement.

“It’ll cause people to talk, no matter how good the interview is. But... It’ll show how we are different than other labels. That we’re honest, and open, and most importantly we don’t judge.” Namjoon carefully says. “But whatever action we take in this matter, we take it only if all of us agree to it.”

You bury your head in your hands. Seokjin and Taehyung have just reached a milestone in their friendship. You and Taehyung are growing closer and stronger. You dare not think what would happen if Seokjin’s plan does not yield the result you all hope for. Your head is cloudy, you can barely think right now.

You look up at Seokjin, Namjoon and Yoongi. All three are fidgeting, waiting for your final call. “You all three agree to this? The interview option?” They nod.

“OK.” you breathe heavily. “OK. So what’s the game plan? Joon and Yoongs are supposed to attend with me. Would it be better now if they don’t?”

“I agree they shouldn’t go. Joon, especially you. It may just create unwanted attention.” Seokjin says. “Take Hoseok, Noona. Attending with the designer of your dress is the safest option.”

You nod your head, agreeing with Seokjin. “Does he have a suit?”

Namjoon laughs out loud. “Noona. He has one of every color.”

“Ok, that was a silly question.” You set your hands on your desk. “Ok. Ok. We’re doing his then?”

“Yes.” Seokjin answers with conviction. “And we’ll pray for the best outcome.” He sticks his hand out. You, Yoongi and Namjoon look at him quizzically.

“Are we doing a cheer or something?” Yoongi looks at Seokjin with a smirk.

“We’re not. Sorry Jin.” You stand up from your desk. “But I’ll tell you what we’re doing. We’re telling Taehyung and the rest about his crazy plan of ours. Let’s go, guys.”

You are about to walk out of your office when you suddenly turn around. Spotting Yoongi trailing behind, you ask him sweetly. “Yoons, can you get the spaghetti from my desk please? I’m still hungry.”

[igottheissue]

This Time Around 7

A strange woman Bucky is sure he knows but can’t fully recognize, picks him up after the fall of SHIELD. She claims to be friends with Steve and that she is here to help him. He can’t help but keep wondering where he knows her from; it’s definitely not through Steve Rogers. Can she help him be the man he wants to be or will the all too familiar struggles of being a super human overcome him?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X OC Rowan O’Connor Word Count: 4,344 Rating: M Masterlist Chapter 6 Chapter 8 Taglist: @xmarveled @spidey-the-killer-queen

Rowan quickly typed out a short message to let Bucky know what was happening and her estimated arrival back to Nagano. She had left him a little over two weeks ago, against her better judgement. He seemed to be doing alright; lightly teasing her about neglecting him and not bringing him along to play with the bad guys. He didn’t have a sparring partner since she’d split a couple days after they’d landed.

“Who ya talking to with that smile on your face?” Sam leaned over the space between his co-pilot seat and Rowan’s own seat in the quinjet. They were headed back to the compound from Hotel Mahayid.

“None of your business, Mr. Murtough.” Rowan teased Sam with his undercover name he’d used to sign up with the Hotel to gain entry. The team decided to send Sam in undercover for a recon mission. He was practically unknown in this area of the world. Steve and Natasha were too well known around the bad-guy neighborhoods at the moment, and Rowan was too close to Rumlow if he was up and moving around in the Hotel.

“Awe come on Rowan, we’ve been on a mission together. We’re practically besties now.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Those big brown eyes aren’t going to help. I’ve had a lot of time to practice ignoring the puppy-dog look. Just ask Tony.” Sam huffed and crossed his arms over his chest playfully.

“Not even a little hint. I did get some good info for you guys this week. What about his initials?”

“How do you know it’s a ‘him’? It could be a woman.”

“You don’t strike me as a double agent, O’Connor.”

“Never know Sammy boy.” The two pilots laughed light-heartedly as the quinjet raced across the vast expanse of ocean. Rowan excused herself from the cockpit after she put the jet on autopilot to the Compound. Sam nodded as he leaned back and put his hands behind his neck.

“I’ll just be here, listening to sad music, feeling sorry for myself that you don’t wanna spend time with the coolest Avenger.” Rowan didn’t stop heading for the pullout cot towards the rear of the jet as she responded in a light tone,

“Oh come on Sam, we all know Thor’s the coolest.” Sam only laughed in response before the music turned up a few notches and Rowan shed her quarter zip jumper and boots before settling into the surprisingly comfortable cot. They still had around five hours of flight time before they hit New York.

She opened her encrypted phone and went through her messages once more, re-reading the messages Bucky had sent to her. She didn’t have time to read them earlier, and had sent Bucky a quick update letting him know she’d get back to them and respond post haste when she could get away from the Avengers prying eyes and ears. He’d sent a jumbled text about how he met some people in the small suburb of Nagano, and quickly learned he spoke fluent Japanese.

Rowan hadn’t been surprised, but Bucky was startled to say the least when an old woman had asked him where his wife was and he’d not only understood her, but had answered back without thinking in a flawless dialect. Rowan laughed to herself before asking Bucky what he’d told the woman about his wife being gone, since their cover was that they were spending their honeymoon in Nagano.

Told her you had to rush back to work. She offered to introduce me to her youngest daughter. Apparently she wouldn’t leave me for a job. – B

Being a fancy LA lawyer is very demanding. How else would I be able to leave you in Japan for two weeks until I can rejoin you? – R

Speaking of… How did everything go? – B

It went. We land in less than five hours. I plan to be headed back to you in less than six. I told the team I’ve gotta help a friend in Rwanda. – R

You and your friends. – B

Rowan smirked and put her phone in her pocket. She would update Bucky in person about the mission with Sam. Being apart from Bucky and only communicating through text was kind of nice, Rowan had to admit. It helped the awkward tension ebb away a little quicker. Bucky was opening up, she dared say. 

He hadn’t had any more memory breaks, but he was talking with her about all the TV shows and movies he had been binging while Rowan was gone. She figured it was easier for Bucky to type stuff out than make eye contact, which was how she was handling getting along with him.

Sometimes she felt like she could be interacting with him better, but had to keep reminding herself that she took years to get back to herself, or at least as close to herself as she thought she was. Bucky at least had someone he could go back to in a sense. He would never be the old Bucky from the forties but those memories he’d regain would help shape the new Bucky.

-TTA-

After a quick debriefing at the Avengers Compound, Rowan said goodbye to everyone and tried to make her way as inconspicuously as possible to the hangar to board one of Tony’s private jets that’d take her back to Nagano Airport. She heard Steve jogging up the hallway and tried not to tense up.

“Rowan! Hey Rowan, wait up.” Rowan closed her eyes and sighed before turning around to face Steve. He was dressed similarly to her—Avengers logo’d long sleeve tee and well fitted joggers with black Brooks. Both of their respective uniforms were dirty enough to warrant a hasty change before the debriefing.

“What’s up Rogers?” Steve held eye contact for a beat before he lowered his chin and looked towards his shoes. Rowan tried not to hold her breath; she had a feeling she knew where Steve was headed.

“Listen, Rowan, please just let me know that he’s okay at least. I’ve done everything but get on my knees and beg.”

“Wouldn’t mind you on your knees, Cap.”

“O’Connor, this isn’t the time for one of your quips to try and get me to back off.” Rowan looked up at Steve when he raised his gaze from his shoes to her face. He wasn’t flushed like he usually was when she cracked a joke to mess with him. She held her gaze and blinked lightly, trying to come off as bored and unbothered by his pressing the matter of Bucky.

“Listen Steve, I’ve told you if I found anything, you’d be the first to know.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me when you guys left Bucktown and disappeared? Huh? Because it seems to me that you and I have a different definition of letting me know when you find my best friend.”

“Ouch, how would Sam feel about you leaving him for Bucky?” Steve puffed his chest, face getting red with anger. He crossed his arms tightly, fabric of his shirt stretching almost painfully looking across his taught muscles.

“Damnit Rowan! I know it was you two in Bucktown! Natasha told me about your Chechnya accident; your leg gave it away. Please. Just… If you won’t tell me where he is or bring him in then… Just let me know he’s okay. He’s my best friend.” Rowan took a few breaths and cocked her hip before replying to Steve.

“Steve, I—“

“Rowan, listen, I talked to Nat about what he might be going through… As much as it stings, I get if he doesn’t want to come home; that he might not really be himself. Or—or even remember who he used to be. I won’t bug you about him anymore. I just want to know he’s okay and that he’s on the road to recovery. 

“I trust you with him. I mean—yeah I’d like for it to be me out there helping him out, but I can understand why you might be the better option. So just keep him safe for me? And I’ll keep my door open for whenever you guys are ready to come home. This is your home Rowan, got it? You’re always welcome here.” 

Rowan knew that if they knew half the shit she’s done she wouldn’t be wanted as much as Steve offered. She had promised that she wouldn’t tell Steve that she knew where Bucky was or if she was with him. But… it warmed a spot in her chest hearing Steve say with absolute conviction that she had a home with them, and that he trusted her to help Bucky.

Steve sighed with a small smirk on his face when Rowan mimicked a salute before nodding and mockingly calling behind her an ‘Aye aye Cap!’ That was probably the closest he was going to get to her telling him that she knew where Bucky was and that she would take care of him. Rowan kept her head down the rest of the walk to the jet. She barely nodded to the pilots when she boarded the jet, and tried not to think about how lucky Bucky was to have someone care that much about him.

She wondered if she’d ever feel that way about someone. She had Nat, but she knew if Nat couldn’t get herself out of a situation, it was low odds Rowan would be able to help her. She tried mentally shook her head and sent a quick text to Bucky before the jet left the runway. Once he responded with a sarcastic ‘finally’, Rowan shut off her phone and fell into a fitful sleep.

-TTA-

The sky was dark and stormy when Bucky met Rowan at the front gate of the safe house. It had taken her a few days of travel to make it back. She had landed in Rwanda and chartered a few other planes and busses before making it safely back to Nagano. Bucky held the gate open and quickly scanned the empty street before closing it behind Rowan as she brushed by him.

“So, how’d it go? Did anyone find out anything?” Rowan took a moment to pull off her rain jacket and sit down at the dining room table. Bucky stood with his hip slightly cocked and arms crossed over his thick chest. Rowan admired the hard lines of his shoulders before meeting his eyes and sighing slightly.

“They know something. Not sure what exactly. They saw us before we left Chicago but lost us shortly after. They don’t know where we are. Steve kept prying at me until he eventually just accepted that I wasn’t going to tell him definitively whether you were with me or not, so he just asked that I take care of you and to come home whenever you’re ready. Apparently we’re honorary members of the Avengers now.” Bucky blew air out his nose and let his lips raise in a small smile. 

Rowan almost saw the crinkles in the corners of his eyes. Bucky moved over to the teapot that was steaming on the stove and poured it in two coffee cups. Handing one to Rowan, he sat down across from her on rested his elbows on the glass table.

“So what do you think we should do? Continue to Constanta? Or reroute?” Rowan took a slow sip of her tea, thinking hard about what their next move should be.

“I suggest we head to Constanta, Tony has a house there and he’s fine with me using it.”

“He’s okay with you harboring one of the world’s most dangerous assassins? The one who murdered his parents?” Bucky didn’t meet Rowan in the eyes as he spoke his last sentence. He cleared his throat as Rowan waited for him to meet her dark eyes.

“He doesn’t… know about that.” It was Rowan’s turn to break eye contact.

“Yet. I totally planned on telling him and I… I couldn’t bring myself to do it right now. I know that’s a safe place for us to go. He won’t tell anyone if we use his properties. When the timing’s right, I’ll tell Tony. Are you okay with us going there? Or do you think we should relocate somewhere else?” Bucky wanted to tell Rowan about his nightmares that he’d had when she’d been away with Steve. 

The flood of memories they brought back made his head ache and eyes burn with unshed tears as he remembered the broken screams and sharp inhales that Tony’s mother had taken in her last few moments of life. He remembered the blood spattering across his face as he shot Howard.

“Bucky? Are you alright? Have you remembered something?” Rowan had sat up a bit straighter in her chair as she looked expectantly toward Bucky.

“Not right now, but… While you were gone. I was going over our travel plans in the back garden and – I don’t know, something about thinking of Tony triggered my memory of the night I murdered his parents. It was horrible, Rowan.” Bucky cleared his throat before continuing; Rowan waited patiently, knowing she didn’t really have anything to say anyway. Bucky appreciated her silence and understanding gaze.

“I’d feel a bit more comfortable if we reroute, at least for a little while until these memories aren’t so fresh… Is that okay?”

“Yeah, totally! There was about three months where I couldn’t go anywhere near New York after I regained my memories from nine eleven.”

“What is nine eleven?”

“How about we make some more tea and get supper started before I go into that?” Rowan and Bucky shared a smile as they stood and moved around the small kitchen to prepare supper.

-TTA-

Rowan felt herself relax, listening to the rain pitter-patter softly against the old windows as she set the small kitchen table. She could hear Bucky over the loud droplets finishing up supper. Over the past three months the two super soldiers had been lying low in a smaller suburb of Prague. 

The older townhouse had been in one of Rowan’s cover names for a few years. She had purchased it shortly after Natasha had given her free reign once she was cleared by SHIELD’s medical team to travel alone. Nat didn’t know about it, and that made both Bucky and Rowan feel a bit more comfortable about staying for a longer period of time.

They had fallen into a comfortable routine; on Tuesdays they’d visit the farmer’s market, Fridays the grocery store for things they couldn’t find at the market, Rowan usually visited the local library and movie store every Saturday, and the old hole-in-the-wall gym was visited every day but Sunday.

Bucky was averaging memory breakthroughs about two to three times a week, depending on the activities Rowan dragged him along. Though much to Bucky’s annoyance he didn’t think he hated the outings Rowan took him on. He was starting to feel more normal. He liked the domesticity they’d found.

Though neither could fix their constant surveillance—not that they really wanted to—Bucky admired that they seemed to fit in within the small suburb. Mostly older folks who kept to themselves; every once in a while Bucky would get caught up in conversation with someone while he was tending to the small windowsill herb and flower boxes that Rowan insisted he grow. He would never admit he enjoyed the brightly painted sill boxes.

There was radio silence from the Avengers. Rowan didn’t mind. She had texted back and forth a bit with Nat and Sam, catching up on training shenanigans they had been going through with the left over SHIELD agents. The Avengers Compound was hosting a rotation of Military divisions with hopes to help the loyal SHIELD agents to new homes in similar jobs to when they had been employed with SHIELD. Tony jokingly referred to it as his way of wiping out his own red ledger.

“Need any help Barnes?” Rowan had resorted to calling Bucky by his last name after the visit to their gym. He had started getting used to his metal arm so he wasn’t as worried about using it to its full potential while sparring anymore. Needless to say he’d kicked her ass tonight, and she was sore. He smirked and held out a knife for her.

“Sure, Rowan, how nice of you to ask. You can dice up this onion to sauté for me.” Rowan rolled her eyes but grabbed the knife anyway and started dicing.

“You’re lucky you make bomb ass food, Barnes.”

“A good husband should be able to cook a decent meal for his wife every once in a while.” Rowan smiled softly, that was their cover after all, and they often joked about it while out and about in public. She glanced sideways as Bucky flipped the steaks over. His brow was heavy, and she noticed his shoulders tense up a fraction before Bucky lost his breath and dropped the spatula.

“Barnes? Bucky, hey, what’s happening. You okay? Another memory?” Rowan was speaking rapidly; Bucky had been having pretty regular breakthroughs, but usually he’d just rub his temple, shut his eyes, and breathe for a few moments before regaining his composure. Rowan could tell this was quickly turning into a more serious recall. She set her knife down and turned towards the dark haired man fully. She kept her arms at her sides—slightly bent, as were her legs—ready to move if need be.

Bucky hadn’t said a word since his whispered sentence. Just stood with his eyes looking at the steak as it burned. It was like he was frozen. His mind raced at a million miles a second, but his body couldn’t keep up. The memories whizzing across his mind made his head hurt and breath hitch. It was too much. His most recent memories hadn’t come through like this lately. Flashes of a woman—taller than him—helping him smash potatoes.

‘A good husband should be able to cook a decent meal for his wife every once in a while.’

‘You’ll make some lucky woman very happy in the future, Bucky, I just know it.’

‘You’ll be the best husband in Brooklyn.’

The words flashed through his mind and glimpses of the kind, older woman helping him chop and stir and bake food pressed against the front of his head painfully.

Rowan had watched Bucky struggle to breathe for about three minutes before touching his shoulder. She knew this was not a good idea, but his face was turning slightly blue and her steak was beginning to burn. Before she knew it that silver arm had grabbed her dicing knife and swung at her abdomen. Thanks to her ass-whooping by that same arm earlier in the day, her reflexes weren’t as quick as normal.

Rowan cursed her bruised ribs for hindering herself from moving out of the way quick enough. The knife had sliced a sizeable gash in her side; it missed all her organs but still stung like a mother fucker. Thankfully the blood splatter seemed to knock Bucky out of his head enough to pull away before Rowan’s closed fist met his bearded cheek.

“Oh my god Rowan I’m so sorry.” Bucky dropped the knife and grabbed Rowan as she slid down the cabinets to the floor.

“It’s fine.” Bucky reached for the dish towel resting on the counter and pressed it against the bleeding gash on Rowan’s side. He didn’t want to hold the towel to her side; he wanted to go jump off a fucking bridge.

“No it’s not. Look what I did. You’re bleeding.”

“You’ve done much worse to me in the past Bucky. I promise, I’m fine. Go get the first aid bag out of the bathroom.” Bucky gently replaced his shaky hands with Rowan’s own and rushed to the small bathroom. When he returned, Rowan had pulled her tank top off and was sitting with her ankles crossed on the counter. The stove had been turned off.

Bucky gulped and averted his eyes away from her sports bra as he got out the supplies so he could stitch her side up. The bleeding had subsided for the most part, but stitches would still help. He couldn’t bring himself to speak while he threaded the needle.

Rowan focused hard at the crease between Bucky’s eyebrows as he threaded a little too deep through the fat of her side. She wasn’t mad at him—how could she be? Had she not done the same thing—worse things—to Natasha and innocent people while she was still healing? In all reality it’d only been about five months since Bucky had been out of HYDRA’s grasp. 

Relatively speaking he was recovering far quicker than she had anticipated. The shaking of his hands and deafening silence told Rowan that Bucky was mad at himself and probably still didn’t accept that what’d he’d done was completely normal for this completely abnormal situation.

“I have this dream—nightmare, really—that Nat and I are on this train going through the Ireland countryside… It’s a beautiful day, there’s children running up and down the aisle way and the conductor is giving some commentary on the different castles we pass. So we’re going along and all of a sudden I look out and on this far away hill is a small castle. And I can’t remember the name but I know with absolute certainty I’ve been there before. And then there are flashes of a man and woman, they’re kind of sickly looking. But they’re smiling. They’re always smiling down at me. And we’re in this castle.

“Then the next thing I can remember my face is covered in blood. There’s a man’s arm in my hand, only he’s five seats down. There’s a window busted open, rain is pouring in and people are crying and screaming. I don’t know what happened. I felt—like I was being electrocuted… It… I don’t know. It’s not even that I ripped some guys arm off. It was the rain that sticks out the most to me. It had been so clear and beautiful that day—odd for Ireland. And maybe I had blacked out for longer than I thought… I’m not sure.

“I’ve not told Nat about the dream. I’m… I’m scared as fuck Bucky. I’m scared because I think it might be an actual memory and not just a nightmare. Sometimes I can still feel the electricity coursing through my muscles like it did in the dream.” Rowan had been staring at the wrinkle in Bucky’s brow for so long she almost jumped when the crease disappeared and steel blue eyes blinked in front of her.

“You’re parents. Those sick people. That’s who you were at the castle with.”

“Yeah. Least I think so. I hope so. They looked like they loved me a lot.” Bucky didn’t say anything as he threw away the blood soaked towel and burnt steaks. He gathered up the medical supplies and returned them to the bathroom down the hall. He helped Rowan put her torn shirt back on and propped himself against the counter, looking down.

“You’re gonna hurt people Bucky. You’re human. Better me than some civilian. Don’t beat yourself up about it, okay? That’s my job.” Rowan didn’t have to force the smile that came to her lips. Bucky smiled, but Rowan figured it was for a different reason.

“My mom. She taught me to cook. That’s… She used to tell me that to be a good husband I’d need to be able to cook for my wife. She taught me how to make a lot of things. It was… Nice. My dad wasn’t around whole lot.” Rowan put her hand on his shoulder without hesitation this time and Bucky appreciated the small gesture. 

It reassured him that there was at least one person who wasn’t afraid of him. Rowan squeezed once before hopping off the counter and getting another pair of steaks out of the fridge. When she didn’t speak, Bucky took that as an invitation to continue.

“I guess these past few months of… Doing normal people things brought up the memory. Though I’m not sure why my reaction was so violent. I haven’t been that bad since the first month you found me” Bucky threw away the bloodied onion slices and grabbed another after he’d cleaned the counter top. 

He let Rowan start the steaks this time. The oddness of the discussion they were having and the familiar motions they were going through didn’t pass by either of them unnoticed. It was weird.

“You have been doing really well. But a lot of your recent memories have been from not that long ago. The worst reactions I had were when I remembered things from before I was taken. It seems that’d be the same case for you. Cooking with your mother was before you were taken by HYDRA. There’s more shit to fight through to get to that memory. Makes sense.”

“Thanks, Rowan.”

“For what?”

“This… The whole domestic routine. It’s… nice. I know it won’t last very long. But I enjoy it. I feel bad sometimes because I can tell you don’t seem as relaxed with it as you could be. But I still appreciate it.” Rowan felt her stomach turn a little in a way that she did not like. But she didn’t stop the soft smile that turned her lips upward, or the soft nudge she gave Bucky as they domestically cooked supper together.

“No problem Bucky. And don’t go around getting a big head about it, but this domestic shit isn’t that bad with you.”

[edge-lorde]

For the artist ask game: 2, 8, 20, 26 and 29 с:

2. is it easier to draw someone facing left or right? (or forward even)

umm.... i thing left and right are about the same to me, but it is easier for me to draw someone looking slightly to the side than straight on i think.

8. what is an old project idea that you've lost interest in?

not that i would never come back to anything from it or reuse the ocs from it, but in high school i had a weird story idea in highschool where the main character was a neandertal/half neandertal and lived in an underground mall connected to a natural cave system where cannibals lived and she was like besties with one of them.... ive revamped the characters a few times and i probably will again eventually, but unfortunately the story just didnt have a plot u-u.

20. something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy.

my sister once told me drawing faces in profile was difficult, but ive always liked it.... also in general ive been told my expressions are good and i know some people struggle with that... ive also never had trouble with the idea of developing a style as some people seem to.

26. whats a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended.

a person once went through my shera comic on deviant art leaving nice comments along the way, and i was sweating because they didnt seem to notice the horror elements..... at first........ and in my mind i was just like "oh no!!! im going to let this random person down by being weird!!!!!"

also when i made this specific comic i thought the idea of a clone pulling out secret katanas that he keeps on his person at all times 'just in case' and laying his brothers asunder as soon as the wifi goes down was HILARIOUS. the funniest concept ever. very clear jokey-joke times. then i drew it. and it looked a LOT gorier than i imagined it. i even colored the blood green, even though i do think the clones blood would be red to make it look less gory. then i posted it. and like its not like it got tons of traffic, but what comments i did see, it seemed like people didnt know how to take it, like it looked too serious. and i couldnt be like. no, you see. murder is funny. why arent you laughing. hes literally killing them with katanas.

29. media you love, but doesnt inspire you artistically.

most stuff i watch honestly... ive only really gotten into fandom with spop. i guess the series of unfortunate events books when i was a kid. i loved them but i cant remember any specific fantasies i had surrounding them. i really liked the hellboy comics but i cant do shading like that LOL. as an adult... i really liked the the adventure zone original dnd campaign but could never imagine blorbo-ifying the characters fandom style because the line between character and real life person not acting is just too thin for me in that kind of format. so i guess all dnd playing type shows like that, i like the format but not in an art inspiration way.

thanks for the ask!

[whispersandwhiskerburn]

Angel, the Writer: An Interview

This is a post about my writing preferences and habits (my name is Angel, it’s not a show-based pseudonym). 

Why? Because my bestie tagged me in her version. And I love @waywardjoy​ bunches and bunches.

And since I’m a wordy bitch, I’m going to add a read more after the second question.

1. What inspires your work most? (The show it is based on, the actor who portrays a certain character, maybe the character itself? It could even be an experience.)

Can I say all of the above? The complexity of Dean Winchester’s character and my habit of (and training as an English teacher wouldn’t let me stop) analyzing his character led to writing about him, and he wouldn’t have any appeal hardly if he weren’t brought to life by the gorgeous and talented Jensen Ackles. The variety of the show, the ever-changing plot lines, villains, characters, etc., means that even though I’ve always been a loyal-to-canon girl, I never run out of ideas to write about. And then, most importantly, there’s the experience of writing on tumblr--the amazing feedback I’ve gotten from the readers and writers of fanfic on tumblr has been humbling, intoxicating, and it inspires me as a writer more than they probably realize. I do it for you all... and because every time I get a compliment it makes my day. :)

2. What is your favorite fandom to write for?

Supernatural. *See above answer.

3. Which point of view* do you prefer writing in? (First-person, third-person) *I changed perspective to point of view, because I’m an English teacher, and I care that this kind of thing is correct. :P Perspective is who is telling the story. Point of view is the narration style used. Message me if you want to understand this in better detail.

When it comes to fanfiction, I write almost exclusively reader-insert. In that format, I prefer reader’s perspective and 2nd person point of view: “you hugged Dean close to you, as tightly as you could, worried about what would happen if you let go of him.” In that format, I use “Y/N” only during dialogue. When I’m doing the story from Dean’s perspective, I usually do third person limited and use Y/N a lot more. I have experimented with all of them.

In my non fanfic writing, I prefer alternating third person limited. (I know the thoughts of one character at a time, and I switch between characters in different chapters.)

4. Do you prefer writing reader fics or OCs?

Before fanfic, the idea of writing reader insert had never occured to me, so for more that a decade and a half of writing actual stories, I only had OCs. I LOVE the freedom of writing reader-insert, and my audience seems to prefer it. :)

5. Do you prefer writing longer works or one shots?

Almost everything I’ve written for tumblr has been one shots simply for time purposes--both times I’ve done a series (at the 1/3 mark of one right now) it takes me forever to finish it. 

I like longer stories; as I mentioned earlier in this post, I’m a wordy bitch, and I live for character analysis. Longer fics allow you to do that. But one shots are more realistic with my adult life being so busy and wanting to post more frequently than once per three months.

It’s also easier to write a smut fic (which most of mine are) if you know you can conclude it after the orgasm without worrying about the morning after awkwardness--probably the same reason my usual spn character Dean likes one night stands. 

6. Do you take requests?

Not anonymously. If it’s a friend asking for me to write something, I’ll add it to my to-write list. Sometimes I do a request type celebration when I hit a new follower count goal, and new followers with whom I’m not friends yet can certainly join in then...or just get to know me. I think I’m pretty friendly, and the message box is always open. If you like SPN and/or my fics, then we already have a topic to talk about, so let’s chat!

7. Do you enjoy getting random Asks?

Yes, with one exception--the tag others things. Most of them are sweet: “You’re one of my favorite bloggers and you bring sunshine to others. Don’t let this stop with you! Copy paste this message into the asks of 5 of your favorite blogs!” 

Those bug me. I delete them immediately.

I don’t like being told I’m kind/beautiful/smart etc. if the only reason I’m being told is because the person who sent it was passing on a chain message. If you value your followers, think of a nice message of your own, preferably a personal one to either yourself or to your intended recipient, and go put it in their asks.

I LOVE THOSE SO MUCH!!

And they do exist. I can point out several I have received, and I have a policy where I go send between 5-10 to different followers with genuine individual-related compliments and love when I see a bit of anon hate reblogged. It’s my way of spreading some positivity.

Random asks about me I’ll answer depending on how personal they are. I have to keep my anonymity on here because of my real-world job. Random asks about my writing I will always answer.

The ask box is open.

8. What inspires the names for OCs (or extra character names) in your works? Do you pick them from real life or just select them at random? A mix?

Nothing is really random in my fics--writing, analyzing writing, reading, etc. that’s my legitimate career, and that carries over to my fic writing. 

I am a HUGE canon nerd. My supporting characters are usually characters from the show, whom I try to bring to life accurately. Even my AU series is only peopled by characters from the show and my reader. 

I usually give a little bit of backstory and characterization to my reader persona, so I guess they are partial OCs, and those are tailored to fit the individual fic (an antiques dealer in a cursed object case, a rodeo arena manager on a case where I wanted a cowboy!Dean fantasy, etc.) with a bit of personal flair thrown in--an accent, a habit of mine, a favorite music, etc. 

My only real major character OC I’ve ever done was an invented archangel named Sariel, and I got his name from researching angels and archangels online--it hadn’t been used on SPN, but he had an interesting biblical history that I could mold to my purpose for his motivation in the plot of my first series. I gave him an entire backstory drabble where he actually tells the reader his history and plans. His tone and voice were meant to help characterize him.

9. If your story(ies) have OCs, are their appearances based on real people or celebrities? If so, who?

Oops, I think I answered this in the last question.

10. How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I posted my first full one shot on this Tumblr account on March 13, 2016. I think I’ve been writing fan fiction for a lot longer than that though; I can remember as a child trying to write my own story with kids who could shape-shift into animals (thank you K.A. Applegate and the Animorphs series). I definitely tried my hand at a Nancy Drew-esque story in my preteen years. As a young teenager I plotted out an entire fantasy series that was in large part original, but also took a lot of inspiration from my reading of the Lord of the Rings. From late teens through college it was sometimes-paranormal series romances (like the paperbacks I read constantly, and even Twilight when I eventually caved in and read it my senior year of college). 

I’ve always been inspired by the fandoms and works that I obsessively read and analyze, and they show up in my writing. Legitimate fanfiction though, where I use the characters and work of another writer and put my own spin on it? That didn’t happen until I made my first tumblr account. Fanfiction sucked me in and intrigued me in early 2015, but I didn’t write any. Then I discovered the smut fics with Spn after I started watching the show in 2015. I wrote a few 100-300 word blurbs for fun on my old account before I decided to write a smutty one...which required the creation of a new account for privacy reasons with my career.

Hello whispersandwhiskerburn. :)

Sorry if you read all of that--I told you I’m a wordy bitch. I’m not going to tag anyone, but if you’d like to share your own answers to these questions, feel free to grab them, create your own post, and do so! I’m sure your readers would love a peek into your writing brain. :)