#my best friend's bf in her server

[azuralnguyendd]

My good bro, what is with ur texts in my notifications

Taken out of context, but I don't even know the context

[crystaloregarden]

*leans into the microphone* my loved ones are such amazingly talented writers oh my fucking god i love them and their creativity

[skullrift]

https://www.tumblr.com/skullrift/770905875833667584/sometimes-i-will-just-hyperfixate-on-my-system?source=share

I volunteer as tribute. Yap to me, stranger on the internet.

OMGGGGG YAYAYAYYAAAAA!!!!!!!! >:DD

okok ummmn im so bad at starting points HAALPPP. ig i can just go over like ??? origin n sys function stuff??? i think thats fun :33

ok so like,. ive technically known i was a system since 2020 BUUT when i was introduced to plurality as a concept it was thru ........ the dark side .......... and i was forced into labels that didnt fit me and i was wrong abt basically EVERYTHING (thats a WHOOOLE OTHER RAMBLE LAWLL) but around like late 2021 i said screw it and just rebuilt my system from the ground up

but like ive also been plural since a child i just didnt realize or identify as such but like THE SIGNS WERE THERE (SQUINTS AT ME CREATING MANY YOUTUBE ACCOUNTS AND "PRETENDING" 2 BE DIFFERENT PEOPLE) its hard for me to know our complete history cuz of that but i have a DECENT GRASP!!!!

nuni n jax were the initial split (the "core"s if u will) with jax being the trauma holder,,,, hes kinda just turned into the MENTAL ILLNESS MAN atp which makes sense?? cuz thats why he split to begin with. ,.. IDK IF THATS OVERSHAREY LAWLL. they were rly similar when we were younger but over time developed vry different identities,.. nuni hasnt changed very much but jax is like TOTALLYY different

nuni doesnt front much anymore cuz she went dormant 4 a while and its difficult for her to adapt to the current world cuz so much has changed but we always let her front 4 fun stuff :3 like we have a yearly tradition where her and my partner go to see a christmas play its so cuuuute X))

i split next!!! we arent totally sure why we kinda went off the idea that i was nuni's imaginary friend for a while but we dont know for sure,,.,, it was some time around 2017ish from what we can tell!!! i split as an introject of an animation memer actually (animation memes were our LIFEEE BACK THEN) but i am COMPLETELY MY OWN PERSON NOW!!!

dire came around somewhere around the same time ,,, he split as a secondary protector n comforter of sorts!! he has gone thru many iterations and has multiple introject sources cuz he rly just took the form of who/what was the best comfort source 4 us at the time!! he started as an oc introject tho n thats still vry important to his identity :3 later he ended up as the form of a character who was german and had a german accent and that has had a lasting impact on his voice as well!!! i could ramble abt dire 4ever hes so silly we love him

next was reffy!!! reffy was split on november 27th 2019!!! this is the day we joined a danganronpa rp WRHKSDFGH discord server n met our bfff <33 we didnt rly have friends at the time and were generally struggling with social things,, so jax kinda put all of his traits he deemed most "likeable" in2 reffy and created him to be the ideal version of himself that ppl would like and went dormant for a whileee ,,, it took reffy a while 2 properly develop as a person but he is vry important to our system cuz of what he represents!!! we celebrate his birthday every year too :33

soo for a while it was just us 5!! we thought we had other alters sometimes cuz identity is wacky (plus we r like all made up of fragments tbhh)

then august of last year driell split!!! he was made on purpose (by jax AGAAAAINNNN) cuz him & his bf in our partner sys decided 2 have kids!!! he doesnt front vry much cuz hes rly socially awkward and a lot of our daily life requires TALKING TO PPL but we want him to front more D:

and THENNNN early this year we went thru ,... EVENTS!!!! and it kinda threw our whole system function OUT THE WINDOWWW BUT ITS OKAY!!!!

noxious split as a direct response 2 the Event .,, it started as a reffy clone tbh (we were actually planning 2 integrate them at first) but its slowly developing its own identity totally separate!! it fronted a lot in september and made a lotta progress w that :D sily dog creechur

fen has been around 4 a while but she was a "sub alter" to reffy and went by reffen but a few months ago we had a think and went HMMMM U KNOW. ACTUALLY SHE IS LIKE THEIR WHOLE OTHER PERSON SHE IS NOT A SUB ALTER ANYMORE!!! so we let them split off completely n its been better for both them and reffy !!!!

AND LASTLYYYY ZANE!!! he split on november 9th of this year!!! so some prior context jax is made up of a TONN of fragments just cuz of how his trauma holding function works. but he doesnt rly like splitting any of them off cuz hes . WEIRD. but we went to an emo night party and one of the fragments in him had a WHOLE AWAKENING listening to mcr and fallout boy and getting drunk in the moshpit (more context jax refuses to listen 2 anything but green day cuz HES!!! WEIRD!!!!) and it took like 3 days of internal deliberation but jax FINALLY DECIDED to let him be his own person!!!! and hes very happy that way X)

SOOO UM. YEA!!!! THAT IS A HUGE ESSAY!!!!! I HOPE THAT IS NOT TOO MUCH INFORMATION EHFKFJGHE

here r refs of us/what we look like cuz yes :33

height chart is from like march ish ??? so our recent splits his year r not included in it also zane doesnt have a proper ref OOOPSS (hes 6'1" btw) whatever its fine XD

THANK U FOR ASKING AND LISTENING TO MY SILLY GOOFY RAMBLES I GET VERY EXCITED TALKING ABOUT MY SYSTEM RAAAA ‼️ more asks r always welcomed too heheheee /nf

- 🖤

[miloway]

Life update: I have been REALLY GOING THROUGH IT GODDAMN 😭

1. Saw Taemin in concert, that was dope

2. Bsf got a promise ring from her bf which now means my stereotypical first lesbian situationship with best friend is finally over 🥳 the tension that was once there for YEARS is now gone and I feel light but...

3. So it started 2 weeks ago, I had been interacting with my twt oomfs and realised 3 of them have a similar name, so ofc for funsies I made a list with just the 3 of them and put notifications on for all 3 just cuz I liked interacting with them, no biggie! Right?

Well... then they started flirting with eachother under each other's posts and replies which I could see all of and I also joined in, cuz flirting is fun. Then the flirting started getting serious and shit... And I'm like damn, I'm starting to feel a bit left out 😢 THEN in the middle of the taemin concert on Tuesday during a short break I saw the notification...

One of them claimed the other 2 as their wife and husband and I'm like oooh so i can't tell if they're joking or if they're legit in a relationship... Hahaaaa let me leave a joking comment asking them not to forget me (which they answer to saying they won't)

Then in the following days their notifs started harassing me... The flirting, so much flirting, and that point I realised oh shit I really like all 3 even if it's just platonic and not romantic, I just wanna be a part of their polycule 😭

Then they start to post screenshots from a group chat and a discord server with just the 3 of them, so at this point I'm feeling alienated and I don't even have the guts to flirt with any of them anymore. And I kinda lose my shit on my priv account (I am very dramatic) I even post something about being depressed on my main and one of them responds comforting me 😭😭😭 and I'm like goddamn you don't even know this play is about you 💔

The flirting continues and slowly I start seeing more "I love you"s in the notifs and I'm like, Oh. They're actually in a relationship aren't they, well shit. Now I feel like I'm butting in where I don't belong but I still like all of them and still want to interact with them so I keep their notifications on.

Then I stupidly make the mistake of mentioning on main that I have a priv and one of them replies asking to become moots on each other's privs... Well ofc I accept, but not before deleting every single twt I made about them, then another one makes a priv and I'm like sure fuck it, I'll add them to my priv too, so now I can't vent on my priv without outright saying what I'm talking about (I have to be vague and shit) so I'm venting here instead :D

Now I'm getting to the point where idk how much more of this I can take, I'll be waiting until the end of this week to decide if I turn off their notifs or not 😭

This keeps reminding me of situations that I've ended up in with my bsf like... Sighhh I wanna vent about it but I don't wanna air out her business so now I feel a bit stuck (I should write some songs) anyways there are many similarities to situations I've been in the past 🥲

I always end up stuck as an outsider trying to get in to another's relationship, or atleast it's feels like it, it never happens but I just crave to be apart of it but ik thats impossible for me. I just can't help but think I'll never be good enough for that and I'm never worth being someone's priority, so I stick to the sidelines, just watching as my heart cracks every time I witness a scene. Why can't I be a part of that, why can't I love right, why do I know that if it actually happens, I'll hurt the other with the only way that I'm able to love.

Fuck.

[vrillopurpura]

So, not fun thing happen this week with the @ellis-the-lightguide blog and I have to share it because I just discovered what exactly happened and I need to vent.

Also perhaps I won't be answering anything there for tonight, it brings me joy but I just had a pretty bad panic attack and I'm so fucking tired.

On a side note. Thanks to every single one of you who has been roleplaying with me and specially to my amazing friends and bf. You guys are the best thing I could ask for, really. I love you all.

I had a group of friends who I played Destiny with (not the guys I posted yesterday) and a few days ago I mentioned the blog to them because it's been helping a lot with my mental health.

They read the amount of angst I do and how much I essentially torture Ellis and they get really mad at me, then I get banned from the server. They told me that was "proshipper behavior" everyone blocked me and I lost all contact with them.

Well that's what I knew until today. Someone (completely different from them) asked if I wanted to join another Destiny group and I really didn't want to make more people uncomfortable so I told them I got banned from my last group and why.

It's when I explained it to them that it started to sound weird. My old group of friends shipped Cayde-6 and Amanda and some of them had a hard crush on Clovis Bray II and Eido, so me being banned for proshipping sounded weird.

I managed to contact one of the girls that has me added in The Finals and asked her about it. Well, apparently they didn't ban me for that, they banned me because "I'm not acting like the abused kid I am, so I'm probably lying about it".

It does explains a lot honestly, they always babied me like I was some sort of kid that needed assistance on everything. They wouldn't even mention sex related stuff and if they did they would always "soften it" for me.

So that's where I'm at now, crying trying to remember to breathe because nothing like some good ol' friends to deny your own trauma.

In the possible case one of you is reading this; I'm not a kid nor a teen, I'm fucking 20 years old, I'm a woman. Perhaps not the oldest adult out there but I'm old enough to own a house, drink, fuck and do whatever the fuck I want with my characters. Some asshole doing what he did when I was younger doesn't mean I stopped aging back then. You're all just a bunch of idiots who act like you care but only until it breaks your stupid fantasy.

[uraniumnm333]

dropping more tsukasa kanade lore guys >>>

i think that after kanade has the initial tsukasa jumpscare they start to get along well but like. kanade talks to think man because even though she goes to the same school as mizuki GUESS WHO NEVER FUCKING ATTENDS !!! and once she talks to tsukasa long enough she's introduced to rui and nene by being invited to ★★★ SUPER COOL EAT-LUNCH-ON-THE-ROOF TIME [kool kats only ★★] ★★★ and kanade sits down like "okay. these people seem calm. theyre probably normal. i think. i can do this :]" and then emu. climbs onto the roof. and kanade thinks "OHFUCKOHSHIT NEVERMIND NEVERMINDNEVERMIND"

so they eat lunch and kanade is introduced to tsukasa's not boyfriend, tsukasa's not girlfriend and tsukasa's not girlfriend. and they have a good time !!! kanade gets along well with nene, but also doesn't because i think the two of them are the equivalent of the "shy people vs introverts" meme. rui is fun but kanade cannot understand that man for the life of herself. and. emu. so ironically tsukasa is the one she gets along with most.

so they hang out and also i think that kanade has tsukasa look over her compositions and has probably gotten him to play an actual piano bit for one of nightcord's songs. idk which you just gotta trust me. and one day kanade comes to their daily meet up thing which happens in the park because silly and tsukasa isn't doing his usual thing. bc when she usually comes tsukasa is happy and smiling like :D :D :D and helping out little kids on the playground equipment but this time nobody's here and he's just. off. and kanade can feel The Vibes but she goes over anyways. and she sees him and he sees her and suddenly he's happy again but this time it's all wrong. and she leaves and goes back home and she thinks back and realizes how Wrong all their interactions had felt. but at the same time it didn't. and she's trying to make sense of all this and talks to nightcord about it because who else would she talk to ??? and general consensus is "make discord server with him" so that's what she does. yes this results in silly tsukasa uses discord for the first time shenanigans. and they all start talking !!! ofc she introduces mizuki as mizuki but mafuyu and ena are left as "my online friends enanan and yuki"

tsukasa ends up inviting rui nene and emu because WHO ELSE ??? and rui dms kanade like "okay i know why you did this but we. are getting nothing out of this. also is yuki mafuyu from the all girls school that emu goes to ???" also SIDE PLOT with emu not feeling creeped out around yuki like she is mafuyu. just wanted to mention. anyways rui is like "i know who you are" and kanade is like "help me help you help your bf (boy best friend)" and idk how but eventually tsukasa just. breaks down.

it's not even anything special he's just in a discord vc w everyone and they start talking about fun things they did as children and tsukasa realizes he can't even remember talking to his parents unless it was over the phone and he just. goes quiet !!! and that's not normal because tsukasa is never quiet so everyone is just a teeny weeny bit worried. and then they hear this man. CRYING ???

so of COURSIES they all meet up in the empty sekai bc we love sekai mashups !!! and idk from there tbh im just bein silly atp

[norbezjones]

Announcing My Upcoming IF Comp Game: Yancy At The End Of The World!

Hello everyone!  Today’s the day!  I’m here to reveal more information on the game I’ll be releasing for the Interactive Fiction Competition!

Check out the thread above for all of the details!  I’ll put a copy of it below for those of y’all who don’t have Twitter:

Hey everyone! I’m here to reveal information & the cast of my upcoming #ifcomp game, Yancy At The End Of The World ( #yancygame )!  Check out the thread to learn more about the characters and who is voicing them--there are so many talented people here! ⬇️

In this game, Yancy, an aroace & agender fellow, picks up a camera for the first time—right when the zombie apocalypse starts! As their world changes and they meet new people, will their creative spark flourish?

Yancy is voiced by @/HattyVA !

When Yancy picks up a camera, they happen to reconnect with their childhood friend Nekoni.  She’s an influencer who has always wanted to see Yancy again, and now that she has, she wants their friendship to last.

Nekoni is voiced by @/RoraAveVA !

Nekoni invites Yancy to her HiveKind server. They are first reintroduced to Laz, the emo kid who is now a dad, and Artemis, who was a quiet bystander back in HS.

Laz is voiced by @/LolsytheVA , & Artemis by @/OppaiPrincess ! Artemis also has a GF named Leah, voiced by @/miabyte !

They’re also reintroduced to Beck, the former popular kid, and Volt, the former school bully.  Both are regretful of how they acted back in the day—but have they really changed?

Beck is voiced by https://www.instagram.com/lunar_star_sam , and Volt is voiced by @/dailey_julian !

Finally, Yancy sees Rainer again.  Rainer currently hosts a podcast called Tesseract Tales, whose contents end up being the fascination of a supernatural investigator.

Rainer is voiced by @/LunarLegacyVA, Rainer’s BF Steven is voiced by @/TuxedoAugust , & supernatural investigator Addison Clue is voiced by https://www.instagram.com/ra1nb0wph0en1xarts/ !

Yancy has a few people around him who act as their support network—mainly their neighbors, Hendrix & Horizon!  These two are the gay dads that Yancy never had.

Hendrix is voiced by @/metastarva , and Horizon is voiced by @/Castellio_ !

Yancy can also meet various people on their photography journey, depending on your choices.  There’s Mack, a snail loner voiced by @/CaioBlackwoodVT , Banjo, a homeless guy voiced by @/JobsonVO , and Caleb, an aspiring graphic designer voiced by @/EriAstral .

And then, of course, there’s Yancy’s mother.  She’s a domineering figure who always has to have the last word.  Yancy tries her best to make her happy, even when they don’t know how.  Can they break out of that pattern?

She is voiced by @/MissaJ0511 !

We also have @/nobodyaddams voicing Shyler!  Shyler is a reoccurring character in my games, who always shows up as an AI.  In this game, they are the camera app’s AI!

Next, we can’t forget the best boy: Yancy’s loyal pet, Babbit!  He is voiced by @/NickyBenoitVA !

Finally, we also have two important characters voiced by @/OttoMurasaki & @SkylarJVA (don’t want to spoil it), and a few folks voicing various characters: @/Alexis_703 , @/Gaismister , @/ConlinRei , & https://www.instagram.com/ra1nb0wph0en1xarts/ !

I am so humbled to be working with this fantastic cast.  Please look forward to the release of Yancy At The End Of The World! in this year’s Interactive Fiction Competition.

[imraespace]

GUYS I NEED YOUR OPINION ON SOMETHING BC apparently im in the wrong here.. this might be a long yap but!

I used to be in a trio right it lasted for 8+ years until high school came around. I ended up in a different high school while the other two was in the same one ykyk around quarantine time we messaged alot like we had a dc server as well that lasted from 2020-2022 until school opened back and those two friends apparently drifted apart bc friend a made new friends and friend b was by herself and then idk apparently they drifted apart.

THEN THERES ME HELP they both used to message me alot to rant and being the oldest! I helped them and it worked for a while until friend b put her foot down ans confronted friend a and I WAS JUST IN TYE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING anyeays we all split up and friend b stuck with me for a few more years yk.

so here's the problem.. friend a had a bf when we three used to hang out and apparently they broke up yk.

so like I think 2 months ago friend b told me that she's talking to a boy and im like aw! then she said it's friend's a ex and I'm like what..🤔 SHE SAID THEY BOTH LIKED EACH OTHER and like isn't that.. weird to date your ex BEST FRIEND bc they were both closer ans considered each other bsfs (I have my own bsf so it didn't bother me haha 16+ years and still going with my bsf!)

anyways she asked me if I will support her and I said yeah but I'm a bit weirded out that it's YOUR EX BEST FRIEND EX you're talking to but apparently she got mad at me for looking out for her bc I told her what if friend a finds out and and drama starts but whatever! THEN SHE WENT IN TYE GC AND TOLD OUR ONLINE FRIEND and he supports her and said shes in the right SO I WONDER IF IM JUST STUPID I THOUGHT THATS WEIRD I've never been in a relationship so..

but friend b and I are drifting she's changed over the years and ignores me when I rant but I have to listen to her rant🤔 she ignored me when I unblocked her and told her why so idk what we are! anyways she also said that they're dating now and already posting up abt anniversary🤨

so am I wrong for thinking that's weird or..

[purpleandstarlight]

Continuing on with part two... @hateweasel tagging u in case u don't see this on your dash

I'll be tagging these DLTD Thoughts in case anyone wants to search for them or block them?

-(Sent this one as an anon ask to Hate back then so you may remember):

Me, at chapter 149: We're getting ready for a fashion show now.

My friend: ...Good? Now we're at The Devil Wears Prada.

-DLTD: Lawrence was the host

Me, who has an awful memory with names: ...Who the fuck is Lawr- OH WAIT.

(To be fair Lawrence barely appears...he do be kinda useless, as me and my bestie bullied him about)

-Me: Okay so I finished the fashion show and we have two (2) possibilities: Either it starts a serious arc full of action and death...or it's another chapter of them doing some random ass shit, you never know with DLTD.

-I apparently at the time remembered that Pluto was a thing in the anime filler and the thought that DLTD!Ciel had to deal with him in the past broke my heart in sympathy? Now i know he thankfully wasn't a thing in the DLTD canon at least.

-Me discovering there was a DLTD discord server at some point?? wich I genuinely forgot about until now.

-Starting chapter 175, while Johnathan (did i get it right?)'s Dad points a gun at Alois, i realized his name was Victor. Wich is also the name of my best friend's sorta villain in an original trilogy she's writing, a character I costantly shitpost about bc I love to hate him. So you see why it was funny to us. After that, this conversation happened:

Me: Yeah but this guy was a good person, he didn't deserve to share a name with your Victor...

My friend: That's fair- no wait...didn't he point a gun to Alois?

Me: Well, yeah...and he also shot him in the head...and he was a criminal...BUT HE WAS GOOD-

My friend: ...sure

-Me, during the Alois Hellsing training camp arc: There's a kid named Irons and it was SO FAMILIAR to me but I didn't know why? Turns out he's the son of the professor. That's why I remembered his name.

-For 196 chapters, I always read Westley correctly. Then DLTD said " "I solemnly swear!" replied the Westley lad" and my brain misread it as Weasley...that's an ironic line to mess up on...

-My gaydar never alerting me about Daniel until the ferris wheel chapter? For some reason?? Wich I know now that you didn't intend for him to be gay at the start but honestly, with how much he talked about Cielois' endeavors??? There were signs.

- I didn't know that the "Yes, your highness'' thing started up with Luka in the anime, not Claude, bc I never rewatched season 2 since i was a kid so i picked most things up from the DLTD context? And. Yeah I didn't connect it to Luka I connected it to Claude. And I was scared until they revealed it was Luka.

-I suspected that Hellsing would be losing her mind laughing (mentally. But she would still roast him slightly for it) at Ciel's simping when he called like "Hey so...my boyfriend's brother is kinda back from the dead but I gotta do this extremely expensive ritual to help him stay alive so that my bf wont be sad...can I?" but you never showed that call and I was heartbroken over it.

[rabbitriceball]

Aight so some variants of Tomboy (and Carbuncle), my BF variant from my upcoming FNF mod (Madou Funkin'). I actually have this mod in early development when I came across "Vs. Arle", so any similarities to the two mods that crop up once I get it out are coincidental. I'm basing Madou Funkin' off of the first Puyo Puyo arcade game.

Three of the Tomboys' colors (except for B3 Tomboy's hair) I pulled from @color-palettes, credit to them and the makers of their palettes for the colors used!

Also, didn't bother to shade the four Tomboy variants or give them mics because...I'm lazy.

Anyway info on the Tomboys are under "Keep reading".

Tomboy (the Madou Funkin'-canon Tomboy, btw)

Aroace (all the Tomboys are brw)

16yo (Madou!GF is 14yo)

Best friends with Madou!GF

HUGE tomboy (it's in the name)

Has average intelligence but just overly snarky

B-Side Tomboy

Just as dumb as normal BF, unlike normal Tomby

"Thunder? *scoffs*"

Sticks to elemental spells like Fireball, Ice Storm, and Thunder/Lightning.

REALLY wants to try "Flame Tornado"

B3 Tomboy

Addicted to the Pokémon Scream Tail

Not dumb, just looney

Would probably win at a staring contest against the other Tomboys since she could stare at someone for 11 hours straight (it's not like Starecrown, she's fine to blink).

B3 Carby looks like a paler version of his Fever/Fever 2 design.

Neo Tomboy (and Ecolo)

The Dark Arle outfit ain't for the drip, she's actually possessed by a Neo version of Ecolo.

Ecolo has no association with Monster's gang at all.

Perkier than she looks, in fact she can briefly break free from Ecolo's control sometimes.

Likes attending the concerts of the Neo Spooky Kids.

Likes things that taste bitter.

"Does Carbuncle even exist?"

D-Side Tomboy

Felt like the DA! outfit fit D-Sides more.

D-Side Carbuncle is more fox-like.

Likes foods that make you go "it tastes like fire, oh my god" - basically, REALLY SPICY foods.

The only Tomboy who is keeping her hair down.

Tomboy may be really snarky, but D-Side Tomboy is even snarkier!

The Corruption from FNF Corruption would probably look the same in Madou Funkin' if it were to appear...although why would it appear anyway when the Puyo Puyo series has powerful magicians and even full on gods?

I haven't shown the icons to everyone yet, just people on Neni's Discord server, so I haven't drawn up a Minus version.

[cosmicpixel97]

feeling worried about my friend

hopefully everything is okay with her since she hasn't been active too much in the server we're in

also worried about my boyfriend after last night call with a couple of our friends. i know he wasn't feeling well, but i know he was trying to talk about something and someone kept making quips even when it wasn't the time to.

afterwards my bf just left the call, probably feeling irritated. me and my best friend did tell him that he was coming across the wrong way.

i know the guy did send a message apologizing to him and i sent a dm i think around 30-60 minutes later saying that me and our mutual friend did talk to him about how he was coming across. I added that he knows how I feel about him and how important he is to me

i just don't want there to be drama that i end up getting dragged into

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

my bf knows I want to be in a qpr with her. he just doesn't fully understand them (which is fair considering he's only ever had strong feelings abt me) I explained to him what I wanted from her and he isn't upset by it at all

im usually affectionate with close friends, my love language is touch so

I think a while ago a jokingly said that we should be qpp's but we deleted the server that that was in- so I cant really go back and check to see what her reaction was

i think I'm gonna wait until she's able to text me (which is like now!! but I only gave her my number and had her not give me hers bc I didn't want to accidentally rush it- (her wifi or smth was being weird and idk it related to us not being able to text)) to bring it up at all

[(^ but without the parenthesis to make it easier to read) i think I'm gonna wait until she's able to text me to bring it up at all]

and thinking about it more, prom may not be the best times? maybe like a bit before so that "can we be in a qpr?" isn't one of the first things that happen after not seeing each other for so many years- idk I will talk to my bf abt it more

also you saying that this is a bigger issue makes me feel weirdly better? like idk I'm not making it out to be more than it is

on a happier note: she jokingly called herself special to me and I said "you are <3" and got "<33" back so now I'm reallyy happy

-💫

That's great news!

It's good to hear things are looking up. Whenever you decide to ask, I'm rooting for you!

[princessfaerygia]

This morning I'm going to gym late which sucks cus someone else may be on stairstepper. My boyfriend insisted on being a "gentleman" and made me wear his warmer coat(even put it on me) then insisted I needed my gloves because of the cold. Man I was trying to get to the gym faster but he wouldn't budge. He forced me to wear my gloves and hand warmers and asked me to take out the trash. No I am not wearing the gloves. I can type better while walking without the gloves and hand warmers. Then as I was leaving he locked me out. Yet all my stuff is in there. Plus he had previously asked me to leave it unlocked for his friend. So it didn't make sense to me and I whined and complained. Then he said he'd slam my head against the door or call the cops on me. So I whined and complained about him slamming my head against the door. My mom says he would never really hurt me. But he has violent trauma in his past and enjoys threatening me from time to time. This has been the first time in a few months he threatened me violently. No don't tell me to leave him. I also said I only want to have sex once a day. He seems more fixated on satisfying me but that's not the kinda woman I am. He accused me of sleeping with the gym manager. I do not find older men attractive like many of my old friends do. Within the four year range is adequate for me. My boyfriend is like several months older than me and there is no other man for me in this world other than my man z.He gives me deep tissue back massages every day or every other day.Oh did I mention I went on a cheese Danish frenzied binge yesterday morning after the gym. My mom used to work at the deli in grocery store when I was a kid and she would bring me home cheese danishes. I ate literally four cheese danishes like a feral beast IN THE STORE. Then my bf got me Starbucks apple crisp (favey) frappacino w soy and 2 shots of espresso. And yet another cheese Danish. He is the best boyfriend I've ever had. I hope he doesn't want to break up. Sometimes he tells me he loves me more than anything. But one day I asked if his ex got him Starbucks or if he saw his ex. There was Starbucks cup in trash and pizza. Then his ex gave us a ride home yesterday and I saw the cheesy bread from pizza he got with her. The pizza was in the apartment with same servers name on it "Justin". So then he admitted seeing her but said he doesn't remember lying. Something fishy going on around that man.

Also he tried to make me feel guilty that I was waking all the neighbors. I'm hurt. Anger is just disappointed sadness,

[thebettertwin-neon-leon]

realms can bring so much light into my life fun hangin out with friends doin silly things while tryin to stay alive

Lil Lispalot is my best friend

sir lispalot is my pookie

Keyfall is also my best friend

slippery sus is my bf :3

and im in the middle aka bruh moment

back to the good story telling….with every LIGHT is a darkness unfortunately for them I was part of that darkness and caused a silly war to happen :3 soon the friends split up into teams lil,slippery,dragon (who is not in this photo) and m.e the other team key,and frog (who is also not in this photo but we dont like him😒) my team we didnt really have a name but I liked calling us the TAKERS there are many stories behind this name but mostly cuz we took them sweet minecraft lives and keys team we will call them SYMPHONY now obviously team TAKERS were winning but something kept them from gettin to close to the SYMPHONY…..it was the thought…of losing it all everything we had worked hard for….after a long war we logged off for the day…I will forever REGRET that decision..it became the next day our whole base was destroyed nothing was left somthing broke in me and apparently in Lil to from that day forward Lil became the best PVPer in the whole server murdering anyone who had wrong her (and totally not because she watched the symphonys murder me infront of her or anything) and I….I became the best manipulator of the whole server as war went on we became friends again but with a price being two faced has its perks (just to clarify frog is still en enemy we only got key to join our team) I single handedly convinced key to murder his own teammates his partner his…friend from that moment forward I new I could do anything after that we held an election of who would be president of the server with a bit of manipulation everyone voted me they were all under my rule and they couldn’t do anything so I planned posing as the perfect president protecting and leading I knew they didnt trust Lil but I did I got them to trust me they showed me every last one of their secrets their hidden stuff how they felt and I told Lil E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G I never felt so alive but…with darkness…there is eventually light…I felt…bad like I was the one being manipulated I was someones pawn and Lil was using me to get what she wanted I never told her but being a the greatest lier you ALWAYS have to be one step ahead and so time went on we had laughs fights fun and played like friends to but as they say in minecraft NEVER LET YOUR GAURD DOWN :3 ty for reading the story this is all true tho I love my friends and realm players even tho we had down falls we always got back up this minecraft realm was my best moments :3

[xsnowkittyx]

I saw my ex best friend from school at a restaurant (she was working & was the server for my table) & she made eye contact w me once & otherwise had a dead stare or looked at my bf & ngl I feel so bad out friendship fell apart like sophomore year we were both not the best to eachother & we just outgrew one another but god I still feel so shitty everytime I see her. we're cool now but god I just wanna give her a hug & go out to lunch & catch up. for even more context during our friendship ending she was upset at me for not being a good friend (it's true I wasnt) n I felt like breaking my arm everytime i saw her for like a year but at the beginning of senior year she asked for my snap & she apologized coz she realized that she also wasn't the best friend to me (high school was really bad for me & ngl I don't remember half of it idk what she did I barely remember what I did but god I feel so bad for her) (she's had a lot of issues w body dysmorphia n stuff & god sometimes I just wanna give her a hug bro like idk during senior year I would sometimes observe her body language m stuff when I saw her in the halls & she was very closed off like squeezing her arms crossed over her chest like girl no please give yourself some space to exist in u deserve to be happy I love you I miss you) this is also v cringe but I scratched "I miss being ur friend -name-" on the receipt & half assedly scratched it out & god I hope she noticed it but also I hope she didnt

[this-brownie]

04.20.24

A reflection of Jenifer’s past birthdays

2016- After college (when all my friends graduated anyway) and after I had come back from Boston, I felt like I had a new lease on life and wanted to celebrate everything. I don’t think I ever got a chance to celebrate Jenifer’s birthday during high school because it was in the summer and her parents were too strict about letting her leave the house. Once I called and her dad picked up and said she couldn’t come to the phone (he probably just didn’t want anyone distracting Jenifer from her studies) and I got too nervous to tell him “ok, wish her a happy birthday from me.” Jenifer said her parents never acknowledged her birthday. After graduating she had a little bit of freedom so I wanted to make her day special. I researched nice restaurants that had beautiful views, great food but weren’t too expensive. I wanted all her friends to be there but some didn’t live in the city, and some people I didn’t know, so I ended up gathering mostly our mutual friends. I reached out to them to plan it which day and time works for everyone. Jenifer and I went shopping and I wanted us to match- I persuaded her to get a wife dress with red roses on it, which would go along with my white crop top designed with red roses. We then went to the salon near her house to get our nails done. The day of the party was a lot of fun. I made a reservation for 12 at The Penthouse, a rooftop in LIC that had a view of the NYC skyline and queensboro bridge. I invited Nadiya, Naomi, Pear, her bf at the time Mo, Rajiq, and her friend Sam (?). All the girls went out to take photos after we ordered our food. I was upset that I didn’t get such a nice photo with Jenifer but she didn’t have the patience to take any more because it was hot and our makeup was sweating off. All the food we got was really good especially my dish- it was a small portion of French toast but I was so excited about this group hangout that I didn’t mind giving everyone a bite of my food and inadvertently leaving two bites left for myself. I remember the server was taking too long to bring our bill so I flagged her down, when I walked back to our table I noticed everyone was staring at me. When I asked them why, Jenifer said you walk so professional, you look more like the host than she does. I had gotten Jenifer a cute birthday card with a sun on (bc she’s sunshine) and made sure everyone signed it. I was so upset at myself after because Mo had gotten her a stethoscope as a gift which was delivered to my house but in my confusion I forgot to bring it to the party.

After that Naomi had to leave because she had another engagement. The rest of us took a cab to Steinway to this spot that sold churro ice creams, and I think the 7 of us honestly just shared one lol. Nadiya left after that, and we found a hookah bar nearby to lounge some more. A few of got drinks- I remember I ordered this blue kamikaze and it got me drunk. Thankfully I didn’t feel sick from the smoking. Eventually pear and Mo had to go. I thought the rest of us would also leave but Jenifer wanted to keep the party going. We ended up going to ktown for bbq. It was me, her, Rajiq and her friend. When the host seated us I secretly told her it was Jenifer’s birthday. So when the server came in with some freebies and wished her a happy birthday, Jenifer was pleasantly surprised and asked how she knew. The server made eye contact with me and I nodded no; she cleverly responded “oh, you have a glow on your face!” on the spot. The food was sooo good, and so filling. We could barely move by the end of it. It was an expensive day but so worth it and the fact that Jenifer didn’t have to bail early was the best part. It felt both like an adventure and an accomplishment. Succeeding in gathering the group for a cute celebration, and then continuing on spontaneously. What normal people do when they don’t have crazy restrictions from their parents. I don’t remember how we got home I guess we took the train back. Writing it out now, it doesn’t seem like I put in SO much effort but maybe I was just less organized back then so it felt like a lot of work putting it all together. It hurt when Jenifer posted a single photo of herself of the night and captioned it as “thank you everyone” without personalizing it to me. Like my effort went unnoticed and unappreciated.

The next year I skipped the stress of organizing a large hangout, and decided to have an intimate experience with just us. I didn’t want to just go to some restaurant bc that wasn’t special enough. I chose a cute but not expensive place for high tea- neither of us have been and we had always wanted to go. We couldn’t just show up of course, we had to dress the part. I searched through many stores and finally found a pair of cute dresses for us at Top Shop. A pink wrap dress for me and a blue one for her. She paired that with white stockings and brown flats, she looked sooo cute like Alice in wonderland. The restaurant itself looked casual which I didn’t like but our food was yummy. The first tier was savory tea sandwiches, then warm scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream, and finally some mini sweets. I think our conversation went fine, we were both excited trying high tea for the first time. I was annoyed that we didn’t get cute photos after. The restaurant didn’t make for a nice background, and we asked a few strangers outside to snap photos of us but none spent enough time getting the perfect shot.

The year after that Jenifer got me a couple gifts for my birthday- a sweater and a book of rupi kaur’s poems. She said she wanted to get me something to “beautify my body, mind and… and something else bc it felt incomplete” but she wasn’t sure. I actually really liked that idea so I emulated it (and made it better for her birthday). This was when she got super busy with med school so she couldn’t visit in her birthday. I saw her a couple months later to give her the gifts I got for her. I found this book online—I can’t remember for the life of me what it was about or what it was called, but I vaguely recall it being filled with beautiful women from around the world. I only buy myself things out of necessity but that was one thing I reallyyyy wanted. Anyway. That book was to beautify her mind. I also got her a bath bomb from Lush that she said she loved, especially because she always wanted one but couldn’t justify the splurge. Funny that we’re willing to splurge on things for others and not ourselves. This gift was to beautify her body. The last gift, I figured out, had to beautify her soul— I found this really cool painting set (don’t rmmbr the image) that was numbered so the person just has to fill it in with the corresponding colors to create a masterpiece. Jenifer was really into painting at that time and I felt proud that these gifts were specially chosen for her. She ended up losing to book at her ex’s place (he refused to return it to her after they broke up), and she never finished the painting.

The year after that I remember I was sick of doing nice things for her birthday and feeling like she didn’t put in as much effort for mine. It was either not seeing me on my birthday, planning anything nice, or giving me gifts that I felt were subpar. So I went very low effort this year. I collected various mini gifts, most of which I can’t remember, which included a mini cactus (since she was staring to get into plants), a beauty brush with a beautiful mermaid holder, and some makeup or jewelry I think. I picked up a cake from Martha’s, the berry Napoleon, her favorite, and made my way over to the Bronx where she was staying with her bf at the time Mo. I also met Vanessa for the first time that day; I really liked her and thought she was sweet and bubbly.

Then covid hit and I was away for months. After I got back I was super excited to find opportunity celebrating everyone. I had gotten used to cooking and making things from scratch so I wanted to create a super cute high tea party for Jenifer. I got to work creating a menu, thinking about how I wanted to design the table, and all the things I needed to buy to execute the idea. I wrote out a grocery list and the steps and timing needed for everything (which I dropped at Key Food but thankfully was able to recover). For the savory tier, I made four kinds of tea sandwiches- pesto chicken and tomato on white bread, cut into squares; turkey, apple and Swiss cheese on rye bread, cut into rectangles: sliced cucumber and smoked salmon with cream cheese cut into circles; and butter chicken cut into triangles. I made two types of scones, a savory cheese and a sweet blueberry, which I argued either store bought clotted cream, strawberry and apricot jam. The scones were sooo delicious despite being underbaked by a minute. I had ended up cutting my finger extremely badly (I even cut through nail) and this slowed down my work tremendously. Jenifer was getting hangry at that point and she said I was out of time, she was coming home. I also made a mini ‘quiche’ that were phyllo cups filled with mushroom and egg, topped with shredded cheese. They were so good omg. For the last tier, I made chai flavored macarons which I colored baby blue; I made them the night before to let the thing meld overnight. I took some premade Madelines and jazzed them up. I glazed some with orange zest and juice, and others I piped on cookie butter and sprinkled with blue sugar to make it pretty. I also cubed up some pound cake, topped with sweet whipped cream and either a raspberry, sliced strawberry or blackberry. So pretty. For drinks, I served regular black tea in a plain, white teapot I found at Bed Bath. I wanted something cuter, but nothing was available. It still matched the overall aesthetic tho. I put the cream in a cute, clear glass bottle I found, and the sugar went in a decorative small, blue and white pot Levi got for me from Amsterdam. I readied some welcome drinks for us, using this “Tiffany Blue” lemonade recipe that I had saved for literal years. It was a mixture of blue curaçao, lemon juice, sugar and bubbly. We cheers’ed our glasses in Jenifer’s honor. I decorated the rest of the table with baby blue tea lights, white rose candles, gold stars and pink roses. I also printed out a page with a beautiful photo of her face and wrote happy birthday. I was so proud of myself, with how everything looked, and the fact that I accomplished everything I set out to do. I told Jenifer and Vanessa I had made everything from scratch, and Jenifer pointed to the Madelines and said, “even those?” Levi laughed and said wow, you pinpointed the only thing she didn’t make. That comment annoyed the bell out of me but I didn’t dwell, in that moment anyway. Later Vanessa’s boyfriend Evan came over and when we offered him food he said he was too full to eat. He ended up having a bite anyway and said “oh…if it’s gonna taste like that, I don’t mind” heart eyes, I feel appreciated, thank you Evan. I spent about two days trying to execute that high tea… Jenifer didn’t rave about it. She didn’t post about it either because it didn’t fit her aesthetic.

Side note, everyone pissed me off that year because I went out for everyone and no one did shit for me.

In February I got Pear $100 worth of balloons pink balloons, matching cute pink and gold paper plates and cups, flowers and a $200 spa gift card, along with a necklace I had gotten her from Istanbul.

In April I went invited fimo over for her birthday and also fariha and Amin since she didn’t have a lot of friends then. I decorated the basement with streamers, balloons, a happy birthday banner, a “lil ho” balloon sign, and flowers. She said she never really had brunch so I prepared an elaborate menu. I served mini bagels with smoked salmon and cream cheese, along with cherry tomatoes, thinly sliced red onion, cucumbers and avocado. I made a overnight baked French toast topped with sweet cinnamon crumbs; spinach and wheeze egg frittata garnished with tomatoes and greens; flank steak with a pesto sauce; and mini hashbrown style potatoes. For sweets I served Madelines, cinnamon buns, croissants, and fruits like blueberries, green grapes, strawberries, and mangoes. I also had a bottle of champagne, a rosé, hot coffee and orange juice.

For Amin’s birthday, o took him skydiving- an activity that was on his bucket list for a long time. I paid for our round trip bus tickets and the Uber that took us to the spot.

For my birthday that year, everyone forgot to even wish me lol.

In 2021, I went to Philly for the weekend and got Jenifer a box of macarons for her birthday, because I later paid $300 for her tattoo. On paper the weekend was great because we did a lot of stuff, got dressed up, and ate a ton of good food. I took the bus there after work and Jenifer was feeling extra enthusiastic because she had either just broken up with, or was deciding to break up with, her Turkish boyfriend Samer and wanted to celebrate hard. She suggested we go to Morimoto, a high end Japanese place, and when I told her that it was a bit out of my budget, she said she’d cover the bill. We put on makeup, and got dressed in matching silk tops-mine silver, hers navy- paired with black miniskirts and black heels. We both looked beautiful. Once we got there we had a drink each and ordered a lot of food—some beef that we grilled ourselves, lamb chops, sea bass and a cheesecake for dessert. Everything was really yummy! She got pretty tipsy with the one drink but was in a good mood having fun. When the bill came it was really high and I could tell it was too much for her so I said we can split it. I had fun anyway.

We made our way home and did our skincare and played with her cat miso. I can’t remember what we talked about. I’m sure some of it was Samer, but it didn’t drag on. We talked about other, more positive things. The next morning we got dressed and went for a walk. We matched again- I wore a white halter top which she helped me tuck into a Hunter green pencil skirt. She didn’t mind going in underneath to adjust my top and underwear. She wore a black tank top with a white tennis skirt. We went to this place for breakfast where she started thinking about Samer again and crying. I partly felt bad but also annoyed because I had hoped my arrival would have meant we could escape thinking about him. One of the employees saw her and sent a thing of berries with a note saying “better days are coming” which was super sweet and cheered her up a little. We then walked near the water and lounged on the grass and took pics. I was feeling a little checked out from all the Samer talk but still feeling okay. We came back home and Jenifer wanted to go ice skating- I think to distract herself. I wasn’t super into it but I said I’d go if she wanted. Then she decided she wanted to smoke a bit of weed which was a bad idea because then her feelings really came crashing down. She asked over and over why Samer mistreated her, why he didn’t make her feel special on her birthday, why he didn’t return her calls, why didn’t he love her the way she deserved even though she gave him so much energy and effort. I told her he was immature and an asshole and didn’t value what he had. But it didn’t matter. Jenifer was broken—not matching into a residency program, not being able to rely on her parents for emotional support, not having close friends around her. She felt so alone all the time that she couldn’t bear the thought of her relationship not working out either. I sympathized with her, but I also felt dragged down from having the same repeated conversations. She wasn’t ready to listen, or wasn’t capable, because she needed to hold onto something. Facing the truth meant she’d be alone again. Samer was one of many failed relationships and I’ll admit I got tired of hearing about them. Maybe because I wanted to feel equal in our best-friendship and when she lamented about her partner it made me uncomfortable sharing happy things about my own. This slowly chipped away at how openly I could talk with her, to the point where every time she talked about Samer I stopped feeling empathetic and just felt angry at her being selfish even if it wasn’t her intention. After she cried it out, she felt like she didn’t want to waste the night so we went out to eat at an Asian restaurant in Chinatown where we got skewers and sushi. We wore black tank tops with plaid miniskirts. We later got dessert, I remember having a mango pancake filled with whipped cream which was light and delicious. Eventually I went home, feeling despaired and unfulfilled that our rare best friend weekend was tinged with such sadness. That we missed an opportunity to connect to each other. I posted photos of us in honor of her birthday with a cryptic caption—to even happier days.

In March 2022, when she amazingly matched into Brown for her anesthesia residency, I tried to celebrate the accomplishment by getting cake and drawing a white coat on it. I also got her flowers, soju and candles— all matched to a light blue color theme. The year before when she graduated from med school I bought a cake to her while she was at her parents house since they rarely celebrate occasions.

In 2022, I was away traveling during her birthday so I only saw her in September. I collected a bunch of gifts from around the world like gold rings from Italy, crystals from France and perfumes from Egypt. I went to visit her in Rhode Island and she couldn’t even let me stay over, I think because her mom ended up visiting. I spent the night camping with IV. It was one of the worst nights bc I slept poorly, and there were bugs and I hate the fucking outdoors. We met her boyfriend Tanner who was a bit reserved at the time bc he was feeling awkward. We went to the supermarket to get some food- this is when Jenifer borrows a belt that I got from Paris (which she has not returned to this day). We had a picnic by the water which was really nice. It was a sunny day and the water was gorgeous. We stayed a few hours before making the drive back home. It was a little frustrating because I got the least about of time with the person I’m supposed to spend the most time with.

This past year I spent a lot of time away, like half the year actually. I saw Jenifer in august right before I left to Israel for four months. IV drove to providence where we spent most of the morning circling around bc Jenifer either doesn’t care or doesn’t plan her time properly. She was two hours late to the hotpot restaurant we eventually met up at. I don’t even like hot pot. She showed up with Tanner, which I know was bc of logistics but still meant we didn’t have quality time with each other. I gave her all the gifts I’d been storing for her throughout the year—some chips and noodles from hmart, Bengali chips, chocolate, earrings, a handheld mirror from Bangladesh, along with a wooden picture of me and her, three seashells from cox bazar beach, a little light, Tomorrowland notebook, a tight nude colored dress, a sexy brown crop top from Sydney, a cool shaped vase that I painted pink with strawberries, a belt from Paris (which I wanted to exchange with the Paris belt she ‘borrowed’ and supposedly lost), some nail gems, tea and face masques.

Tanner said shit how do I top that? I appreciated him saying that. She paid for dinner.