#my best friend told me they’d be too tired to hang out after work today

[figuerockfaeth]

:/

[illegal-spiegel]

Firsts w/ Kaoru

Pairing: Kaoru Hitachiin x gn!reader Genre: fluff Warnings: none

first meeting:

y’all met through, you guessed it, The Host Club

it wasn’t your idea to go

but Haruhi, poor, sweet, innocent Haruhi, was about to lose her marbles

she practically got onto her knees to beg you to keep her company

and what kind of friend would you be if you declined?

(you mainly just went because she bribed you with free tea and desserts)

when you showed up to Music Room #3, it was all that you were expecting and not at all what you were expecting at the same time

you eventually spotted Haruhi through all the people and eventually made your way over to her

the look on her face was almost comical

she bid her guests she was entertaining farewell and they left with watery eyes

you covered your mouth to hide your giggles as you took a seat on the soft couch across from her

“Thank god you showed up,” she groaned as she slumped back into her seat

you let your giggles out freely, studying her tired form

“Awe, is Haruhi tired of flirting?” you teased

she only grunted in response, closing her eyes and letting out a content sigh

you hummed in return, picking up a cookie that was on the table and started to munch on it

you two had a few minutes of silent peace before it was rudely interrupted

“Oh, Haruhi!” you hear two voices shout from behind you in unison

you swear you saw an irk mark appear on her forehead

you raise your brow and go to turn around to see who was causing her so much trouble just by saying two words when two people were suddenly leaning over the back of the couch you were sitting on

you looked to your left and saw a boy your and Haruhi’s age

you turned to the right and had to do a double-take when you saw the same face

‘these must be the infamous twins,’ you thought as you studied them

“What?” Haruhi groaned with dead eyes

you could see the smirks come onto the two boys’ faces

“What are you doing slacking off-” the one on the right started off

“-when you have a guest?” the left one finished you raised a brow at them as you pursed your lips

“She could ask you two the same thing? Why aren’t you tending to your guests?” you defended

the twins’ eyes widened as they turned to look at you, both silently studying you for a moment

“We got bored-”

“-so we came to see what Haruhi was doing.”

your brows furrowed as you look to the one on your left

“You just left your guests?”

Haruhi was the one to respond

“Kaoru probably ran out of fake tears,” she said with a smirk

the twins’ attention went back to her, the one on the right’s eyes widening

“Fake tears? My tears are real!” he defended

you took a mental note that the one on your right was Kaoru. Haruhi may have told you about them before but you were terrible with names

Haruhi only grunted in response before closing her eyes again

you saw their mouths open, ready to bother her some more

so, being the good friend you are, you quickly said something before they could

“Just leave her alone, okay? How about you entertain me?” you offered

from what Haruhi has told you, the twins liked to mess around with people. Whether it is playing pranks and tricks or just annoying them

so, you figured they’d happily take you up on the offer to ‘entertain’ you

as soon as you finished your sentence, a smirk was curling up on their lips

“Entertain you?”

“Why, we’d be honored!”

they ended up trying to actually do so at first, using their little brotherly love act

you quickly shut that down

once they realized you knew all their secrets, including Haruhi being a girl, there was a sudden shift in the way they acted towards you

they were more open suddenly

hanging out:

after meeting, he instantly took a liking to you

he and his brother wanted to become friends with you, mainly to annoy Haruhi 

they hung out with you as much as you allowed them to, which was often so you could give Haruhi a break

it took a couple weeks for Kaoru to work up the nerve to ask you to hangout with him without his brother there as well

you were surprised when he asked you, to say the least 

“Hey, would you wanna go to this museum with me? I somehow won free tickets in class and Hikaru doesn’t want to go. I, uh, know it sounds boring but—”

“I’d love to go with you, Kaoru,” you reassure with a big, warm smile

it was the first time he felt his heart do something weird in his chest 

that weekend, you two went to the museum and honestly had a really good time

you two pretty much just wandered around and talked the entire time, which was several hours 

he found it surprising and like a fresh breath of air at how easy it was to talk to you

he liked studying you when you would stare at something before you, your figure glowing under the big lights 

he knew by the time you two left that he had feelings for you

first hug:

you two hugged for the first when he took you home from the museum, actually 

his palms were sweating just from thinking of doing it 

he tried to tell himself that it wasn’t a big deal but he was just so nervous 

he opened the car door for you when you reached your house and even walked you to the door 

“Thanks for today, Kaoru,” you say softly, giving him that radiant smile that he loves so much 

“It was nothing. I’m just glad you agreed to go,” he admits with a small chuckle

you giggle in return and then you both go into silence 

“Well, I’ll see you at school on Monday,” you say to break the silence

without another word, he quickly pulls you into the hug then

he hears and feels you gasp, your arms staying by your side for a moment before slowly wrapping back around him 

“Yeah, see you on Monday,” he whispers, still holding onto you

you two hug each other a little longer than necessary but neither of you cared 

when you finally did let go of each other, both of your faces were warm

“Goodnight, Kaoru,” you whisper a little breathlessly 

“Goodnight, (Y/n),” he whispers back, finally stepping back to let you go inside

he walks back to his car and watches you unlock your door to make sure you get inside okay 

he then finally leaves with a racing heart and a red face

first time holding hands:

after going to the museum together, you two slowly started to get closer

you texted more often, always called, hung out without Hikaru more, and so on 

it didn’t take long for you to fall for him but you were unsure if he liked you back 

well, that is until October came around

the boys decided they wanted to do a haunted house type thing for their monthly event

after Kyoya talked it over with the principal, the club got permission to do it and to have it held inside the entire school

Kyoya went all out too. He hired professional actors and businesses to scare in the school

the club held it during Halloween weekend, that way they could clean up all the props before Monday

the club made a killer with the amount of people that wanted to participate and walk through the ‘haunted’ school

on Sunday, after the ‘maze’ closed, the host club decided that they should be able to walk through it as well

that’s how you ended up partnered up with Kaoru to walk through together

you two went last out of all of the groups, both of your hearts racing as you two walked into your dark school 

after the first jump scare, you two clung together before relaxing until the next scare

after a few scares, you two just ended up holding hands the whole way through 

you honestly didn’t even really notice since you were too focused on what’s around the corner, what’s in that room, or what that sound was

but Kaoru’s entire focused was on your hand in his, the way your skin looked, the way it felt

when you came out the back main exit of the school though, you instantly noticed

you both shyly smiled as you let go, trying to ignore everyone’s teasing as you all started cleaning up 

first date:

it wasn’t until mid-November that Kaoru asked you out on a date

you both were blushing like crazy as he stuttered out his date proposal and it was the most enduring thing you’ve ever seen 

he asked you out, to which you instantly said yes to, but when you asked where you two would be going, he refused to tell you 

he ended up taking you to a festival that was in town after you said that you didn’t want him wasting a lot of money on you 

plus, he’s really competitive, so it’s fun to play games with him 

you two tease each other back and forth the whole night, both of you winning a lot of games

he even won you a stuffed animal to which you playfully named it Hikaru

he ended up getting too much cotton candy and begged you to help him finish it 

you two spent the entire day there and when the sun started to set, he dragged you onto the ferris wheel 

it was very cliché but he kisses you at the top and you loved every second of it 

when he drove you home, neither of you were ready for the night to end 

so, you just ended up sitting in the car for hours just talking up a storm

when your first yawn is released, he does his best to ignore it but after the second time, he sighs and gives you a soft smile 

“You should head inside. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?” he says quietly, secretly wishing he didn’t say anything when you start to pout 

you rub at your eye though as you yawn again, slowly nodding your head

“Okay. Goodnight, Kaoru,” you whisper sweetly before hugging him

just before you get out of the car, you quickly peck his cheek before practically flying out of the vehicle

he chuckles at how flustered you are as you walk to the door of your home

he makes sure you get inside okay before driving back home

he sticks to his word and texts you when he arrives at home to which you both stayed up late texting each other because you didn’t want the mystical night to come to an end

first time giving a gift:

(we ain’t counting the stuffed animal (Hikaru) he gave you on your first date)

you two had been together for 3 months when Kaoru decided to get you something to celebrate

he asked all your friends along with all the people in the Host Club what they think you’d like 

he got many ideas ranging from clothes to food

he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to get you but he’d figure it should be something nice but ‘simple’ 

on the day of your 3 months together, he picks you up from your house and takes you on a date

you tried telling him that you two didn’t have to celebrate the 3 month mark, but he wasn’t having it 

“You’re special to me and being together this long means a lot to me,” he said softly to you before kissing the back of your hand

he ends up taking you to a hill that looks over most of the town, a smile coming to your face when you see the view 

“It’s beautiful,” you reply when he asks what you think

“Not as beautiful as you,” he teases, shooting you a wink before hauling the picnic basket over to the blanket he set down for you both 

after setting everything up and getting comfy, you two dig into the food that he made

once you two have had your fill, you curl up together and watch the sunset

just before the sun completely sinks below the horizon, he pulls away from you a bit to reach into the basket

“Here,” is all he says as he offers you a rectangular box covered in velvet

you raise your brow up at him but gently take it from him and open it up 

you jaw drops open a bit when you see what rests inside, your heart skipping a beat as your tummy fills with butterflies

“Oh, Kaoru...” you whisper breathlessly, staring down at the intricate necklace

“Do you like it?” he whispers, worriedly staring at your shocked face 

“I, um, got it to represent our first date at the festival...” he continues when you don’t reply. “Sorry, I know it’s ugl—”

“No! No, I love it, Kaoru,” you quickly interrupt when he starts to backpedal. “Sorry, I just was thinking that it looks kind of expensive...”

“Well, ha, you see—”

“Kaoru, how much did you spend on this?”

he stays quiet for a moment, knowing how you’d react when he tells you 

he finally pipes up when you give him the look™️

“It was, um, ¥43,687...”

“Kaoru Hitachiin!” you screech, fully turning to face him with a horrified expression

“What? It’s not that bad!” he shouts, his cheeks starting to warm for some reason 

“Not that bad? Not that bad? You’re right. ¥43,687 is way worse than bad!” 

he groans and rolls his eyes, taking the box from you and taking the necklace out 

“Turn around.”

“No way! What if I break it? What if I lose it? What if—”

“What if zombies raised from the ground right now and killed me? Bam! Dead! Wouldn’t you want something to remember me by?” he teases with a smirk

it’s your turn to huff and roll your eyes now 

“That would never happen.”

“Well, yours would never happen either,” he argues

“Yes it could!”

“We can go back and forth all day, sweetheart. We can never know the future and it’s best to just live in the present.”

When you don’t reply, he smiles at you and holds up the necklace 

“You like it, right?”

“Well yes, but—“

“And you like me, right?”

“Kaoru—”

“Do you?”

“Yes! But, Kaoru—”

“Then put it on!” 

you two have a stare off before you give in, letting out a hefty sigh and turning to put your back to him

he slips the necklace onto you and your hand instantly goes to the ferris wheel pendant resting between your collar bones

“There. Ya see? That wasn’t so bad and you look even more beautiful than usual.”

your cheeks warm with the compliment as you spin around to face him again

“Shut up and kiss me,” you snap with a pout

he chuckles and leans forward to do just that 

first “I love you”:

you both actually wanted to say this on your picnic date but both ended up chickening out since you both thought it was too soon

ever since then, you both have tried and failed to say it 

when is the right time to say it? How long do you have to be dating for it to be okay? What if the other person wasn’t ready to say it back yet?

yeah, a lot of unnecessary worries and insecurities

it isn’t until it’s almost your sixth month anniversary that Kaoru finally works up the nerve to say it 

he was planning a little get away vacation for you two during the summer

when you came over to his house one day to hangout, he first plays it cool

you two do the normal stuff whenever you two hangout, watch your show, makeout a little, make food, the works

after you two are done eating and go to continue watching your show, he stops you

“Hey, there’s something I want to show you.” 

you raise your brow at this, wondering what he could want to show you

maybe a new show he wants to watch? 

“Yeah?” you ask, watching him pull something out from between the couch cushions 

he hands over an envelope to you with a smirk, making your brows furrow 

a letter?

“Go on. Open it,” he says with a chuckle 

you let out a short hum in reply and begin to open it up

you pull out two tickets to something, turning them around to look at the front 

“Are these first class tickets to Italy?” you ask, your voice trembling a bit 

“Yeah! I figured it was about time we went somewhere together!”

you shake your head and offer the tickets back to him, feeling as if you’re going to be sick 

“Kaoru, no. This is too much. I don’t need to go somewhere far or fancy or expensive to have fun with you,” you force out with wide eyes

he frowns at your words, refusing to take the tickets out of your shaky hands

“What? (Y/n), this is an amazing opportunity! Besides, these tickets were for me and Hikaru to go with our mom to one of her fashion shows in Italy. Hikaru is grounded now though for that stunt he pulled in class and she asked if I’d like to take you instead,” he explains with a soft smile, bringing his hand to your free one to give it a squeeze

you relax a bit at this news, now knowing he didn’t waste thousands of yen on you 

“Your mom offered?” He nods his head. “You’re sure she doesn’t mind me coming?” 

“Of course not, baby. You haven’t been around her much since she works so often, but she really does like you. She wouldn’t have asked you to come if she didn’t want you there. Plus, she has to punish Hikaru somehow.” 

you chuckle at that last part with a nod of your head

“Okay, fine. I’ll ask my parents about it and see if they’ll be okay with me going,” you agree

he lets out an excited squeal and surges towards you for a hug

“Yes! You’re the best! I love you!” 

at the three words, you both freeze and stare at each other, both of your faces heating up to a dangerous degree

“Sorry, I, um, I d—”

“I love you too, Kaoru,” you rush out before he can take it back

his grin comes right back to his face before he kisses you passionately 

first trip together:

turns out your parents were okay with you going since Kaoru’s mom will be there 

when you three were on the plane, you and Kaoru leaned against each other the entire time

to keep you busy, you two watched your show and movies, played card games, played games with each other on your phones, and so on

when you all finally reach your destination, you’re exhausted but you instantly perk up when you reach your ride to your hotel

you climb into the limo and both you and your boyfriend ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the beautiful scenery 

when you get to the hotel, his mother announces that Hikaru will share a bed with her while you get the other one. You don’t really mind since she’s paying for all this and you’re in Italy for crying out loud, but Kaoru whines and pouts for at least fifteen minutes

once you’re all in your jammies, you all practically pass out as soon as your heads hit the pillows 

you three were there for two weeks and you and Kaoru had so many cute dates

you went hiking, rode on gondolas, went on tours, took cooking classes, saw a musical, visited ancient buildings, went to the beach and did lots of swimming (where Kaoru got burned), and lots more!

his mom even let you participate in her fashion show

she dressed you up in expensive clothing and pushed you to walk on the runway

you were nervous at first but eventually got into it the more claps and cheers (from Kaoru) you got 

it was honestly some of the best days of your entire life

when it was the last day of being in Italy, Kaoru took you on your last date in the beautiful country

you both shared lots of ‘I love you’s followed by several kisses

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

MASTERLIST

More with Kaoru 

Tag List: @pointlesslygay, @katsuhera​ ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Monday

Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Pairing: SBI x sister!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: swearing, toxic friends, panic spirals/attacks, injury, taking pills for pain

Summary: you have a very bad week, how will you manage? (Characters are fully human, but based on their DSMP characters. High school AU)

Word count: 4,818

(A/N): I’ve never played volleyball or watched Haikyuu before, so I’m not 100% certain how games work. Also, I probs should’ve split this into two parts, but eh.

“(Y/n) love, you look homeless in that sweater, it’s literally so fucking ugly.”

“Haha, yeah it is. I guess I just wasn’t really trying today.”

Adrian snorted, scanning your body with his cold eyes. “Today? You don’t try at all. You always look like trash.”

“More than trash, you always look like you just rolled in dog shit.” Sammy threw her head back and cackled at her own joke.

Your friends around you erupted in laughter as you four walked down the hallways of the hell that was your public high school. You awkwardly chuckled alongside them, you didn’t really find it funny, but you didn’t want to draw more attention towards yourself. 

“Seriously, (y/n), I really don’t know why we still hang out around you anymore. You really let yourself go.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you did gain like five pounds in the past week.”

“Really not a good look on you, love. Then again, nothing you do can make you look good anymore.”

You tried to not let their comments get to you, you really did, but sometimes their comments just rooted themselves deep into your subconscious. You didn’t try looking good anymore, you couldn’t wear anything without them criticising it. You could never win. 

“Awe,” Adrien poked your cheeks, “stop looking so sad. We’re just trying to give you advice. You really need it.”

“Yeah, (y/n). You’re so sensitive, get a grip.”

“Guys look, I think she’s gonna cry!” 

You wiped at your welling eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. “I’m not. I just got allergies.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. Anyways, what are our plans for Halloween? We should totally dress up like sexy angels! I think that’d be so cool. Like, Clint’s party won’t be ready for us.”

“Oh, about that Annie…”

“God, what now (y/n)?”

“I was actually planning on spending Halloween night taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating with my brothers and dad. I won’t be able to go with you guys, I’m sorry.”

The group groaned loudly. “C’mon (y/n), you never hang out with us anymore.”

“Oh my god (y/n) you still go trick-or-treating? We’re juniors.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with my AP classes and studying for the SAT. My team captain’s really been pushing the team hard with volleyball practice. State finals are soon and we want first this year.”

“No matter how much studying you do, you’re gonna fail. You’re stupid, so why try? Just give up and hang out with uuussss.”

“Yeah (y/n),” Adrien looked at you suspiciously, “you’ve been ignoring us lately. I thought we were friends. Do you even wanna be friends anymore?”

You felt a flare of panic flare up in your gut. “I do! I-I just have so much going on right now. It’s starting to get hard to juggle everything.”

“We’re starting to think that you don’t like us anymore, we want our (y/n) back!” Sammy whined. The others agreed with her, making you feel guilty. You were ignoring them, it was selfish in your opinion. You supposed that you could skip out on taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating, there’ll be other years you could take them. 

“I guess I can take Tommy and Tubbo another year. They’d just have to go without me this year.”

They cheered, giving you praise. You beamed at that, they seemed down lately and you loved it when they’d give you compliments. They didn’t do that much, so that made their praise more special to you. You strived to get compliments.

You four went off to your separate first classes for the day. Yours was statistics, a class you’ve been struggling in lately. You didn’t know anybody in there except for your oldest brother Techno, so you tried to stick with him. Unfortunately, the teacher’s seating chart placed you both on opposite ends of the room, probably because of your last names indicating that you’re siblings. You placed your stuff down on the table and plopped down into your seat, already drained. You had a long day ahead of you; you had a major AP world history test in your next class, you had to give a presentation in your AP english class that was worth a quarter of your final grade, and you had a semifinals volleyball match that would last until late in the night. If your team won, you would be going to state finals, so it was a lot of pressure on your shoulders. You were the main setter, so you had to really focus tonight if you were going to score your team points. 

“Alright class, pull out your homework!”

Fuck, you had homework? You looked in your folder, only to see the unfinished sheet full of equations you didn’t understand staring back at you tauntingly. Mr. Mullins walked over to your desk, took one look at your blank homework, and just walked right past you. Another big fat zero in the gradebook for you, just what you needed. At least he wasn’t in the mood to berate you today. You didn’t need any more stress piled onto your shoulders. 

The lesson felt like it dragged on forever with you frantically trying to copy down the notes on the board and trying to understand the content at the same time. Overtime, he would call students up to the board. Hopefully, he would skip over you today. “Ms. Minecraft.” Goddamn it, you spoke too soon.

Your head perked up and you looked at him. “Yes sir?”

“Come up to the board and solve this.”

Gulping, you felt panic rise up in you and stood up with shaky knees. On the board was part of the newer content he was just teaching. Something that you understood only a little bit better than the rest, and that’s not saying much. You still didn’t understand the content completely. Your writing was shaky as you wrote what you thought was right on the board. Finding the answer, you circled it and looked at Mr. Mullins. He looked disappointed. 

“That’s wrong, Ms. Minecraft. Please sit down.”

You felt like your face was on fire as you saw the entire class burning holes into you with their eyes. Though they looked dead inside, as per usual with any morning class full of tired teenagers, their effects still took hold on you. You wanted to crawl into a dark hole and die. You sat back down and stared at your note packet, you couldn’t focus on the lecture anymore. Your attention was fully on your surroundings, you were hyper aware of every little whisper and bouncing leg in your peripheral vision. You could feel yourself spiraling, usually that wouldn’t happen until after your third class. Today was going to be rough. 

The loud chime of the bell startled you out of your thoughts. You shakily put your papers back into your binder and put the binder back into your backpack. Right as you were about to walk through the door, you heard Techno catch up to you. “Hey, you good?”

“Yeah Tech, I’m just peachy.”

“Are you su-”

“Technoblade. I’m fine. Now if you excuse me, I have to get to my next class. I have an important presentation I’ve gotta prepare for.”

Without giving him any room to argue, you rushed off to your english class. You had Adrian and Annie in your class. For your presentation, you were paired up with people that you hardly knew. At least they did their part in the project, you were certain you were going to die if you got paired up with Adrian and Annie again. You loved them, but they never did any part of their portion of work. They left it to you to finish at midnight the day the project was due. To be fair, they both told you they had family emergencies, so you covered for them just that once. 

You pulled out your flashcards only to have them knocked out of your hand when someone bumped into you. You quickly crouched to pick them up so you could have them in order by time class started. “Oops, sorry love.”

It was Annie. She and Adrian towered over your crouched form smirking at you. Looking back down to rearrange your cards, you murmured “it’s ok.”

“Are you ready for this presentation, I know I am.”

You smiled a little. “Actually, I think I’m going to ace this. English is my best subject.”

“Yeah (y/n), I wasn’t asking you. I was talking to Annie. Besides, you’re probably going to fail this.” Adrian scoffed. 

“Thank you for asking, Adrian,” Annie shot a pointed look at you, “at least someone cares.”

The bell rang, signifying the start of your second block. You felt like you had a lump in your throat blocking your breathing. If Adrian, one of the smartest kids in your english class, said that you were going to fail, then you probably were going to fail. That would take a huge hit on your grade, this project was worth a quarter of your final grade after all. You were zoned out for the entirety of your classmate’s presentations putting yourself into a spiral. You jumped when Mr. Todd, your teacher, called your group up to present.

You stood stiffly in the middle of your two groupmates and clutched your flashcards with clammy hands. Luckily, your part of the presentation was not first. When it came to your part, you were stuttering and tumbling over your words. You even dropped your flashcards in front of everybody, causing half the class to snicker. Your face burned as you hurried to pick them up and your other groupmate took this as a signal to continue the presentation. You still had an important point to make that was integral for the set up to your other groupmate’s part of her presentation. You stared at your flashcards for the rest of the presentation. 

When the bell rang, you made a mad dash out of the classroom. You didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially not Adrian or Annie. It was a relief that you had your lunch period at the moment. You could hide yourself in the bathroom nobody used and let your panic attack ride itself out. 

You ducked inside a stall and sat on the toilet, bringing your knees up to bury your face in them. The tears and panic you were holding in all day let itself out with explosive effects. You started to hyperventilate as you muffled your sobs with your knee. Your chest painfully clenched so you couldn’t breathe. Your limbs felt like they weighed two tons each and they were shaking intensely. You didn’t hear the end of the lunch bell ring. By the time you calmed down slightly, you were five minutes late to AP world history. 

You packed your stuff up in a hurry, power walking through the halls. You probably looked like shit, but you didn’t care, you had a class to get to and a test that you probably wouldn’t be able to finish now. You lost ten minutes of your test time. When you tried to open the closed door, you found that it was locked. You had to knock if you wanted to get in. You raised a shaking hand to knock, but the door was opened by a less-than-impressed Ms. Osborne. She ushered you to your desk and gave you your unit test. 

You couldn’t focus. The multiple choice section was usually a breeze to you, but you couldn’t comprehend any of the questions. When you could comprehend them, you couldn’t concentrate on choosing an answer. You did your best to find the correct answers, but you were almost positive that at least half of them were wrong. Your handwriting was nearly incomprehensible and your essay topic was something you didn’t study for. When you were done with half of the body paragraphs, the bell rang and you had to turn in your unfinished test. 

You had your independent online psychology course next in the library. You usually worked alone secluded in a corner deep inside the library where nobody went. You would get some solace in being alone. Maybe you’d calm down enough so that you could ride home with your brothers and not go for a long walk so you could avoid them. 

You settled down in the comfortable chair and pulled out your laptop to get started. Psychology was your favorite class. It was easy for you to understand, it didn’t have much of a workload attached to it, and it was fun to learn about. It always calmed you down reading about the intricate workings of the brain. 

By time the day was over, you got most of your psychology work done and you were on your way to the car you shared with Technoblade and Wilbur. You took out your spare keys and slumped against the window in the backseat. You were absolutely drained after your terrible day and you still felt panic swirling deep within you, waiting for the right moment to strike. 

You stretched out your legs across the seat and leaned your back against the door. For the first time that day, you felt peaceful. You still had at least fifteen minutes to yourself until your brothers would start to make your way to the car. You felt the panic subside slightly and you fully relaxed. You closed your eyes and let yourself drift off into a light sleep. You needed your energy for tonight’s match. 

The door you were leaning on swung open and you tumbled backwards smacking the back of your head against the metal frame of the car and reverse scorpioning onto the pavement. Your entire upper back and the back of your head exploded in pain and your lower back hurt slightly from having your back bent uncomfortably. You heard laughter above you as you felt tears of pain start to slip out of your eyes. Your legs swung out from their place above your face and landed on the ground with a painful thump. 

You saw three blurry figures above you laughing at your pain. You reached up with a shaky hand to wipe at your tears and saw Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. They were cackling as you shakily stood up and sat on the comfortable seats of the car. You waited patiently for them to calm down. 

Eventually, Sammy calmed down enough to explain what happened to you through chuckles. “I’m sorry (y/n), it was just too good to resist. You should’ve seen your face.”

She and the others broke back into uncontrolled laughter as they remembered your embarrassing fall. You were used to their antics, and quite frankly it felt good to make your friends laugh, even if it were at your own expense. Just as they were calming down once again, you saw Wilbur and Techno walk out the front doors of the school laughing at something the other said. Annie and Sammy heard their laughter and quickly turned around to watch them. They had massive crushes on both of your brothers, many in the school did. 

Your brothers made their way to your shared car and stopped to look at you in slight confusion. “(Y/n), were you crying? What happened?” Wilbur asked worriedly. 

“Yea-”

“Oh Wilbur, it was terrible, (y/n) fell out of the car. I don’t think she closed the door before she leaned on it.” Annie interrupted you with a faked concerned tone, a complete contradiction to her reaction before your brothers came.

Techno hastily made his way to the driver’s side door. “Well, if she’s hurt we better get going, right Wilbur?”

“Yes! We better get going, please excuse us.” He sat in the passenger seat and closed the door without hearing Sammy and Annie’s desperate attempts to stop them so they could talk to them. Your brothers thought Sammy and Annie were annoying. They absolutely hated being around them. 

Waving apologetically at your friends, you pulled yourself into the car and closed the door. Annie and Sammy looked offended that you had let Wilbur and Techno get away from them. Avoiding their eyes, you looked down at your tightly clasped hands. They were shaking slightly. 

After pulling out of the parking lot, Techno glanced at you from the rearview mirror. “You ok (y/n)?”

“Yeah, my back just hurts and I have a headache.”

“Well, do you wanna go and get some ice cream? We still have some time left before we have to pick up Tommy and Tubbo. Dad doesn’t have to know,” Wilbur asked you.

You sighed, you wanted nothing other than to take a nap before your match. “Sorry, but I need to watch what I eat today. We have semifinals tonight and I can’t have anything sugary. I just wanna go home and take a nap.”

Your brothers were quiet for the rest of the car ride until you reached your driveway. Techno twisted his body around in his seat to look at you after he put the car in park. “Did you actually fall out of the car?”

Shit, should you tell him the truth? If you did, they would almost certainly get mad at your friends. Sammy and Annie would never forgive you if you turned your brothers against them. You decided that you would take one for the team again. “Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

Techno snorted. “Well, that was stupid,” he jokingly said. “Next time you’re gonna get run over by a parked car.”

You knew that he meant that as a joke, but it still stung. Stamping your emotions down, you laughed with him and Wilbur. It was stupid of you to do, you shouldn’t have let your guard down if you weren’t at home. 

You winced as you slung your bag on your back and walked the best you could back into your house. Your upper back was killing you. You made a beeline to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for some pain relief pills. You took some and shambled off to your room to take your well earned nap. You set your alarm’s setting to its loudest volume and passed out. 

You jolted up and gasped when you felt a wave of pain hit your upper back. You blearily looked at the time. You had a little under two hours before you had to get back to the school for your match. You groaned when you pulled yourself up, your head pounding with every turn. You pulled yourself out of bed and once again took some pain pills. You went downstairs to grab an apple or something to eat. Your dad was at the stove stirring something around in a pot. 

He turned to look at you with an excited smile. “You ready for your match tonight? You’re gonna kill it!” 

You only nodded halfheartedly and plopped yourself down at the table with your apple. Philza frowned at your lack of enthusiasm, but he figured that it was just because you just woke up from a nap. You’d bounce back eventually. 

“Wilbur told me that you fell out of the car? How’d you do that?”

You shrugged, wincing slightly as it moved your back slightly. “Dunno, must’ve not closed the door.”

Philza was at your side in a hurry, his hands hovering over your shoulders. “Did you get hurt? Show me where it hurts.”

“My back and the back of my head.”

“Can I move your shirt so I could look?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

You felt him gently pull the neck of your t-shirt away from your body to peek at your back. You heard his breath hitch as he looked. Was it that bad? “Good god (y/n),” he breathed out.

“What, is it bad?”

“Don’t you feel how bad it is? Your entire back is bruised. I think there’s some blood too.”

“Damn.”

“First, language. Second, that’s all you have to say? Aren’t you in pain?”

“Yeah, but the pain pills are gonna kick in soon. I’ll be fine.”

“Would you be able to play tonight? I really think you should sit this one out.”

“No, I’m playing tonight Dad.”

“(Y/n),” oh no, he was using his stern dad voice. “It’s not a good idea to play tonight. You’re hurt, I’m sure they’ll understand if you sit this one out.”

You felt frustration rise up in you. “We’re in the semifinals. They need me, I’m the main setter. They’d lose without me playing.”

“(Y/n), I’m serious. You’re not playing today.”

“Dad, I am playing today. Look, I’ll talk to Coach Williams to see if I could be rotated out more often. I know she’d let me.”

He stared at you for a while before sighing. He knew there was no convincing you. “...Fine. But you better talk to Coach Williams about sitting out for a bit if your back hurts too much or I swear I’ll drag you off the court myself.”

You smiled a little at the small victory. “Thank you! I promise I’ll sit out if needed.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “If needed?”

You sighed, “when needed.”

He walked over to the pot, stirring the contents slightly. “That’s better. Dinner’s almost ready, I made some pasta.”

“It smells good, but I think I’m skipping out on it for today. I already ate this apple and if I eat any more I’ll probably hurl on the court.”

He made a displeased noise in the back of his throat, “fine, but you’re eating something when we get home tonight.”

He walked off to go get your brothers and Tubbo for dinner. You could hear their booming steps racing down the stairs towards the kitchen. They raced into the kitchen and almost crashed into the back of your chair. You stood up and looked at the two excitable fifth graders. “Careful boys, don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You’re no fun (y/n),” Tommy whined.

“Sure, sorry bout that,” Tubbo beamed at you.

You chuckled, making your way upstairs to get ready for your match. You took off your clothes with great difficulty and slipped on your jersey and your spandex shorts. They were way too short for your tastes, but you couldn’t wear longer ones, they’d just get in the way. You fondly remembered how your dad flipped out when he first saw you in them, he hated them with a burning passion. He still hates how short they are.

When you were struggling with pulling your hair back into a tight, sleek ponytail, the back of your head throbbed continuously with pain. You most likely bruised your scalp. 

You slipped on your shoes that were made specifically for playing volleyball and headed downstairs. You were met with Tommy and Tubbo jumping in excitement seeing you in your uniform. They loved going to your matches, even if they would always pass out in the car after them because matches usually ended late at night. You grabbed your dad’s keys and headed to his car. Before you could lead the boys out the door, Philza’s voice stopped you.

“(Y/n), coat.”

You huffed, grabbing your coat and putting it on before tossing him his keys. You four got into the car and set out for the high school. The short drive was filled with Tommy and Tubbo asking you questions about volleyball and encouraging you. “(Y/n), you’re gonna kick their butts!”

“Yeah!” Tubbo cheered 

Despite their voices causing a spike of pain to shoot throughout your head, you laughed at their enthusiasm. It was always nice to hear your little brother and pseudo brother in the stands cheering you on, they were your and your team’s personal cheerleaders. 

Not long after you got to the school, you were stretching with your team on the gym’s floor. Your posse found their way into the stands, sitting in the front row. The away team watched your team like a hawk, analysing every single player for any weakness. It was because of them that you tried to not show any pain when you moved your back. You talked to Coach Williams before the team stretch and she was obviously sympathetic with your situation. She agreed to switching you out with the standby setter every few rotations. 

The echo of the whistles caused pain to ring in your head every time someone scored or a foul was called. Your team captain, Haley, was constantly, yet discreetly checking on you throughout the game since she was always next to you. She was the team’s main spiker after all. 

The game droned on and on before you realized that the opposing team was targeting you when they were offensive. They probably realized that you were injured a round ago. You tried your best to block every ball that was sent your way, but a few managed to slip past you when you couldn’t move fast enough. This team was good, but your team was better. 

The score during the final round was tied and the clock was on it’s last ten seconds as the ball soared your way. You dove to hit it, landing on your shoulder on the hard floor and hitting it up high enough for Haley to spike the ball down. The crowd went wild as the ball bounced off from the opposite end of the court almost simultaneously with the screeching of the referee’s whistle, signifying the end of the game and your team’s victory.

You laid on the floor in pain, you thought you must’ve pulled your tender muscles in your back and shoulder. It hurt to move it. You felt one of your teammates grab your hand to yank you up into a giant full team group hug. You yelped slightly in pain as you felt arms press against your back and hands firmly patting your bruised shoulders. You were whisked away into the locker room to change into the pajamas you brought with you. 

“(Y/n), are you alright? That was a pretty hard fall.” Haley’s soft voice asked you. You felt your heart sing in your chest. 

“Yeah Hales, I’m fine. I just pulled a few muscles.”

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed together, “are you sure? As your team captain and your friend, I’m worried about you.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You felt warm knowing that she cared about you. “I’m sure, worrywart.”

She rolled her eyes playfully and breathed out a soft laugh. “Sorry for asking, grump.” Her laugh sounded like music to your ears. 

Your phone vibrated in your pajama pocket, alerting you of your family waiting for you in the car and for you to hurry up. You sighed, “sorry Hales, I gotta go. Dad’s getting impatient.” 

She gave you a small smile. “Oh, well, tell your family I said hi! Good work on the court today, I wouldn’t ask for a different setter.”

You felt your cheeks warm up and you watched with wide eyes as she left the locker room. Your phone vibrated again, your dad was really starting to get impatient. 

You walked out of the school as fast as you could to find your dad’s car waiting for you up front. Jumping in and softly closing the passenger side door, you slumped against the window. “(Y/n),” Tommy’s tired voice slurred. “That. Was. Pog…”

You glanced back to see him and Tubbo snoring away in their seats. Your match was more exciting than usual, so that must’ve really tired them out. You chuckled, turning back around to lean against the window. You took care not to put any weight on your shoulder or back. 

“(Y/n), you were amazing out there, but why did you dive for that ball? That fall looked like it hurt.”

You hummed tiredly, “thanks Dad. I just did what I thought would win us the game. We’re going to finals!” You quietly sang. 

“Did you hurt your shoulder?”

“I actually don’t know, but I think I might’ve pulled a few muscles. Nothing too bad.”

“...I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for you tomorrow morning during your first and second blocks. I want you to get your back, shoulder, and head looked at. You looked miserable the entire match.”

You sighed, too tired to argue, “mmk.”

He chuckled before the car fell into a comfortable silence. The gentle bouncing of the car and the subtle hum of the engine was lulling you to sleep. Your eyelids were drooping by the time you pulled into your driveway. 

You drug yourself out of the car and into the house, leaving Philza with the sleeping boys. You walked straight to your room and plopped down on your bed, passing out instantly for the second time that day.

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[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

Work It Out

Summary: Spencer realizes that he might just have feelings for his neighbor after seeing her in her workout gear.

A/N: I boofed it. Trying to write a blurb and I ended up writing a whole fic. I will never learn.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Implied that reader is athletic but no mention of her body type)

Category: Smut, Angst, Fluff

Warnings/Includes: bad communication, cursing, smut, graphic descriptions of sexual acts, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, light spanking, please let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed!

Word count: 2.7k

Masterlist

Requests Filled: 

“blurb idea that’s been living in my head, rent-free: reader is spencer’s neighbor and a dancer, who he has a huge crush on. spencer goes over to her apartment to borrow something and interrupts her daily stretches and spencer gets all flustered because she’s wearing leggings and a sports bra, and she’s so flexible”

“okay so this next thought came to my mind while i was doing some exercise lol: imagine that u started a new routine and you feel super tired at the ten minutes of the video haha, then spencer came back to work and when he see u doing some squats he's so turn on and then he just get close to you from behind and whispers "c'mon bunny, u can't with this, the only thing that u can handle is my cock" and then he just fuck y/n so hard aaaaaaaaa btw i'm the anon who sent that visual the past week of Twitter about the flowery lingerie 😌🙏🏻 —🥀”

“okay so like reader working out in Spencer’s apartment and he’s just watching her and getting all worked up. reader noticed and starts teasing him until he can’t handle it - 🐍”

-- -- --

They’d struck up a friendship almost instantly, from that first day that she moved in. He tried to help her with her boxes but he almost felt like he was holding her back, he got winded just going up and down the stairs on his own, let alone while he carried an entire box he later found out had been full of books. She laughed at him when he placed it down on her kitchen table and read the permanent marker label on the side. He still remembers how light her laugh had made him feel, how perfect it was.

From that first day things were just easy, effortless. He liked that he didn’t have to think around her, about work, about anything, he always felt so comfortable around her. Until that day.

The day that he couldn’t find his dustpan and brush after breaking a glass, so he went next door to see if she had one he could borrow. When he knocked on the door and heard a small ‘it’s open’, he walked in as normal, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the sight.

The furniture in her living room was pushed to the walls as she stretched in the centre of the room. He was sure there must’ve been a name for the pose she was in, but all he could concentrate on in that moment was how her body looked in the spandex of her leggings and sports bra. The smooth way her body contorted into strange shapes, the way her back arched so perfectly, and the way he could make out every curve of her body in a way he’d never really noticed before.

Thankfully she didn’t seem to notice his staring as she concentrated on her movements before finishing up her pose.

“What’s up Spence?” she breathed once she relaxed, turning her eyes to him.

And for a moment he wanted to turn around and run away. He was almost positive that his face was a glowing shade of pink, he could feel the heat as it radiated off of his cheeks while she looked at him expectantly.

“Uh, I um- A glass!” he stuttered out, “I broke a glass” he finally managed but she still just looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

“Okay, we’re really low on news today I see” she laughed, and he sort of wished she hadn’t, because it’s his absolute favorite sound.

“Sorry, I wanted to- I uh- I came over to see if you had a sweeping brush?” the words almost get caught in his throat but he fights to get them out, and he’s more proud than he really should be.

“Oh, under the sink!” she tells him, and he makes quick work of finding it before mumbling his ‘thanks’ and rushing back to the safety of his own apartment.

It’s a day he could never forget, even if his memory was normal. And part of him wished he could forget, because he knows that that’s the day he started treating her differently. It wasn’t easy or simple anymore. It was awkward and strange and he had a huge, stupid crush on her.

-- --

It doesn’t take long for her to notice the little changes in his behavior, the way he avoids her in the halls, or always seems to be inexplicably busy whenever she tries to make plans. And on the odd occasion that they do speak he never seems to be able to hold eye contact. It continues like that for a while until she just can’t take it for another second.

She waits until she knows he’s home, staring out the peephole at the door opposite hers until she sees him open it up and walk inside. She gives him about 5 minutes before she marches over and slams her fist against the door, a lot more urgent than necessary.

When he opens the door he looks tired and deflated, and his tie is undone, hanging around his neck. She can see the fatigue leave his features a second later, only to be replaced by a look of pure shock.

“Y/N?” he asks, like he’s not sure she’s really even there.

“Yeah, can I come in?” she asks, but she’s already maneuvering past him and into his living room like she’d done so many times before he’d gotten strange.

“What are you doing here?” he manages to get out once his shock subsides.

“What’s going on with you Spence? We’re best friends until one day you decide you don’t like me? What’s that about, I just have to pretend like I live next door to a stranger now?”

He looks like a deer caught in headlights. She’s not even sure she can see him breathing as his face begins to flush.

“I’m sorry” he breathes out first, “I wasn’t trying to- okay I was avoiding you, but it’s not because I don’t like you”

“Sure seems like it” she sighs, and for a second he looks heartbroken.

“No!” he blurts out, “It’s not that, I swear” he shakes his head, reaching out to touch her before retracting his grip, thinking the better of it.

“Then what is it Spence?” she looks at him with a softness now, with a pleading behind her eyes, and he can’t hold back anymore.

“It’s because I do like you” he says it like he’s relieved, like it had been gnawing at him, “Because I really like you”

“Like me?” she asks, the realization finally dawning. “As in...”

“As in... romantically?” he can’t look at her when he says it, closing his eyes as if he’s bracing for impact. But the next thing he hears is his favorite sound once again. She laughs at him. It’s not cynical, or rude, it’s the kind that’s filled with joy, and maybe just a little exasperation.

“Well I wish you’d’ve told me that sooner” she says once she’s calmed down, and when he opens his eyes she’s smiling at him, taking a step closer.

“You do?”

“Mmhmm” she nods, “That way, I could’ve let you know all about this crush I’ve been harboring on you for a while now.”

He doesn’t have time to think before she’s got her lips on his, soft and delicate against him. For a minute he can’t really understand what’s happening as her hands reach up to cup his face softly, and they stay there after she pulls back. Her thumbs gently grazing his cheekbones as she admires his shocked expression.

“You’ve had a crush on me?” is the first thing he thinks to say, and she nods, smiling up at him.

“Since that first day when you helped me move in” she admits, and the timeline clicks in his head. She’s wanted this longer than he even had. Something about it puts his mind at ease, the though of being desirable to someone like her just makes him swell with pride in a way he’s not even sure he understands.

“Oh” is all he manages to get out though.

“I know, we gotta work on your self confidence because you, Spencer Reid, are a catch” she smiles at him before diving in for their second kiss.

-- --

It’s probably too crass to say out loud, but his favorite part about moving in together is undoubtedly, her daily exercise routine. Sometimes it’s in the morning, sometimes the afternoon, sometimes the evening. He’s actually starting to suspect that she times it for when she knows he’ll be around to see it.

He waited a little while to confess just know much he thought about her in those leggings. The lilac ones that were still in her rotation. Not that he didn’t find her sexy all of the time, he really did. But there was just something, maybe pavlovian, about seeing her in those lilac leggings. The way they hugged her body, he always found himself staring more than he was proud of.

Whatever routine she’s following this morning has her just a little out of breath. And he pretends to be reading the paper at his desk while she pants less than 10 feet away from him. The sound alone is distracting, but when he glances up and he can see her doing squats, all he can focus on is her ass in those fucking leggings.

“8, 9.... 10″ she breathes out, finishing off with a small groan.

“Too hard?” he chuckles, giving in and laying his paper down.

“No way, I can handle it” she turns around to grin at him before turning back around, starting into another set, counting them out slowly.

He seizes the opportunity and gets up out of his chair, making his way quietly over to her while she concentrates on her form. When he’s finally behind her she’s nearly out of breath again, pushing through the last rep when his hand snakes around her waist and pulls her back against him. He leans in to her ear as he whispers.

“C’mon Bunny, I guess you can handle your squats, but can you handle this” he almost moans it as he presses his already hard cock right up against her ass.

“Fuck” she breathes out in a little gasp, her hands moving up into his hair to pull him closer.

“Do you think you can handle it Bunny?” he groans again, grinding himself against her this time.

“Yes! Yes Spencer please, I can take it” she moans out as his hands begin to roam over her body, gently tracing along the exposed skin between her bra and her leggings, feeling the warmth of it.

“Then be a good Bunny and bend over for me, okay?” he growls against her ear and she moves fast, bending over the back of the sofa, and presenting herself to him. He takes a step back to admire the view for a moment before he’s got his hands on her body again. His fingers go straight to the waistband of the leggings, tugging the smooth fabric down, pulling it until it's gathered around her feet, quickly doing the same with her panties until there was nothing in his way.

“Fuck, you look so good like this” he groans, a soft hand caressing the smooth skin of her ass before rising up and coming back down with a loud slap, followed by a high pitched whine from her.

“Did you like that Bunny?” he asks, gripping a rough handful of her ass as she moans out a meek ‘yes’

So he repeats the action, pulling his hand up only to slam it back down again rough and excited against the now sensitive skin.

“Fuck” she purrs, her legs closing, thighs moving together in an attempt to get some friction. But he puts a stop to that right away, placing one of his feet between hers and kicking them apart so her legs were spread for him.

“If you wanted something Bunny, all you had to do was ask” he teases, moving his hand along the curve of her ass until it was hovering between her legs, where she was desperate and wanting. He purposefully lingers just a moment too long before pushing two fingers inside of her. He’s rewarded with a low moan that pours out of her.

“So wet from just a little spanking, you’re so good for me” he groans, “Do you think you can handle my cock yet sweetheart?”

She can’t help the way she clenches and tightens around his fingers at the very thought. It’s not like they didn’t fill her up, they were so much longer and more agile than her own fingers, but nothing could really compare to his cock.

“Fuck, please” she whimpers, wiggling her hips just a little as though that might help convince him that she deserved it.

“Such a good girl, I think you’ve earned it” as he speaks he pulls his fingers gently out of her, and she forces herself not to while at the loss of contact. He pulls his cock out of his boxers, pumping it himself a few times before he lines up behind her. Though they both love this position, she can’t help but miss watching him. The way his eyes close and and he bites his perfect plump bottom lip. But then he’s easing in and the feeling of him is enough to eclipse every other thought in her head.

“Oh god! Spencer!” she stutters out a moan, her hands flying forward to grab at the cushions on the sofa, digging her fingers into the soft down.

“You feel so good Bunny, always so wet for me” he groans as he pushes the whole way in, burying himself right up to the hilt.

His hands make their home on either side of her hips, his grip is tight as he pulls her back against him at the same time that he pushes his hips forward, slamming in on each thrust with everything he’s got.

Hips hit against her ass each time, rocking right up against the quickly forming handprint there whenever their skin collides. The slight burn only intensifying the already overwhelming pleasure.

“So- ah- I’m so close” she manages to moan out in between all the gasps and pants, and without speaking Spencer reaches down to grab the straps at the back of her sports bra, using the leverage to pull her back up. Meeting her halfway he presses his chest right up against her back, one hand snaking around to loosely grip her throat. The other making its way down between her legs.

“Fuck- Spencer- I-” she gasps at his fingers start to run in small circles around her swollen clit, his hips continuing their motions at the same time. All of it building dangerously fast.

“What’s the matter? Too much for you Bunny?” he teases with a groan, right against her ear.

“No!” she rushes out, one of her hands bracing herself against the back of the sofa, the other draping itself loosely over his hand between her legs, encouraging but not interfering with its movements.

“That’s a good girl. Are you gonna cum all over my cock Bunny?”

She doesn’t have time to answer his question before she’s putty in his hands. Melting into his grip as he continues to move inside of her and against her. The only thing keeping her from falling to the ground is her loose grip on the edge of the sofa and Spencers hand around her neck as she moans out his name.

It’s only a few seconds later that his hips begin to stutter and both of his hands are on her hips again, pulling them tight against his own as he grows closer and closer. And then he’s cumming with a rough groan and a bunch of shallow breaths, filling her up entirely as she begins to slump against the sofa once again.

“Spence, fuck” she says with a deep breath, “That was unbelievable”

They’re both covered in a layer of sweat now, and Spencer can feel the hair that’s probably stuck to his forehead. In his exhausted state all he really wants to do is lay down against her back, gathering their breathing again. But he knows that’s just his cloudy mind talking. So he manages to loosen his grip on her hips and pull out slowly before rushing to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth.

He takes it and gently cleans the mess that he made between her legs before it gets the chance to drip down. Once she’s clean he helps her stand upright once again.

Although he’d come a long way with his self confidence there were still times like this where he let himself feel awkward, or unsure. Especially right after he’d just been so bold. But in times like this she knows exactly what to do. Rising up, she places her hands on either side of his face and kisses him, soft and gentle, just for a moment, before pulling back again to look at him.

“Shower?”

-- -- --

Thank you so much for reading x 

-- -- --

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[farfromharry]

My Rapunzel | Professor!Dad!Tom fic

Summary: being a college professor means tom’s working from home in these difficult times, spending a lot more time with his angel of a daughter and his beautiful girlfriend, who by the way is definitely his favourite princess.

Word count - 6k

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Harrison paused right before he turned the handle on the door, turning to the girl with a sheepish, shy smile.

“Just a heads up, my best friend is probably teaching a class in here,” He warned. He’d told the girl before about how he lived with 3 of his friends, and one of them was a uni professor. So of course he’d be teaching from home in the current situation. “And, his daughter may also be running around somewhere.”

He noted the slightly surprised look that crossed her face. He’d tried to hold off bringing her to the apartment for as long as he could, specifically because he didn't know how she was with kids and he didn’t want to burden her with having to entertain Scarlett while they were meant to be hanging out.

Harrison absolutely adored Scarlett, he had from the day he met her and he never hesitated to help Tom out when he needed his help. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be a handful at times, especially more recently when Tom hadn’t been able to give her his undivided attention.

He unlocked the door while making quiet conversation with the girl behind him, pushing on the wood and guiding her into the apartment.

Harrison knelt down on the hardwood floor in preparation for the incoming attack, hearing those tiny, sock covered feet padding towards him.

“Harrison!” she squealed, practically launching herself into his arms. He was happy to scoop her up, holding her against his chest with a smile. Her tiny arms wrapped around his neck, giving him a small hug as best she could.

The man noted the eerily quiet flat, worried that the girl had accidentally been left alone by her, at times, slightly irresponsible father.

Of course Harrison thought his best mate was an amazing dad, especially after he just had it dropped on him that he was a single father, but there were occasions where Tom did some pretty questionable and embarrassing things, the stories basically banned from being told within a 10 foot radius of the male.

“Where’s your dad, huh?” He gently pinched her cheek, making her giggle adorably and bury her face in his chest. He heard the quiet mumble, even if it was muffled by the material of his shirt.

“Working.”

Harrison rolled his eyes. “Is Uncle Harry home?”

She shook her head, looking over his shoulder at the pretty girl standing there awkwardly. Scarlett waved her little hand, flashing her a smile.

“Uncle Tuwaine?” He asked. She shook her head once again, finally receiving her wave back from the pretty woman. Harrison thought for a minute, deciding that he’d have to interrupt whatever Tom was doing to discuss this.

“You just take a seat, I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he promised the girl. He carried Scarlett into her dad’s bedroom, a swift knock on the door making Tom’s head shoot up. Thankfully, it didn’t look like Harrison was interrupting a class or anything, meaning that Tom had no way to deny him time to talk.

“Can we talk?” he asked, motioning to the toddler in his arms. Tom nodded, pressing a few keys before halting his movements at his computer as he gave his best friend his full attention.

“Go ahead.”

“I was kind of counting on you not to be teaching today,” he stated. “So, I brought a girl over and now-”

Tom interrupted. “Now you don’t want to watch Scarlett.”

Harrison felt bad. It’s not like it was her fault, Tom was simply just a workaholic who never knew when to stop and that oftentimes meant he had to get his friends or his family to babysit. There were many times where Harrison had wanted to physically hit some sense into Tom so he’d spend more time with his daughter.

Ever since he began working at home it’s gotten even worse for the poor girl. She can see Tom, but she can’t see Tom and sometimes all the girl wants is a cuddle from her dad. There’s been a lot more temper tantrums due to her not being able to get any love from her dad when she wants it.

“Look I’m sorry, but I’ve been watching her everyday this week,” he complained. Scarlett didn’t know where to look, watching them both as they conversed.

Tom didn’t know what to do. He knew he’d only get distracted if he let her stay with him, but he didn’t want to put any more responsibility on Harrison, cause it wasn’t like Lettie was his kid.

Safe to say he was torn.

“Y/N should be here soon, can’t you just watch her until then?” he begged. Tom knew it probably wasn’t Harrison that was the problem, it was his lady friend. His best friend would look after the tiny angel in a heartbeat. She clearly came over to get some private time with the man and he could tell she wasn’t exactly thrilled when she learned she’d have to babysit for a few hours.

“Fine, fine, but don’t expect us to be playing dolls with her or anything.”

Tom grinned widely, placing a sloppy kiss on his daughter’s cheek, playfully hitting Harrison’s arm. The girl giggled, tucking her head in her uncle's neck.

“You’re a lifesaver man,” he said. “I have a class soon but if i’m done early then I’ll take her off your hands.”

The younger male nodded, looking at the child in his arms with a small smile, the same as the one Tom had while watching his little creation simply exist; he was utterly in love with her.

“Are you ready to go and spend time with your uncle Haz, Lettie?”

She cheered, nodding her head rapidly. Tom looked at his best friend with a ‘see’ kind of look and the blonde simply rolled his eyes.

“Let’s go.”

»»——⍟——««

“Okay so, you just need to write that out. I’ll give you around twenty minutes and then we’ll move on. Is that okay?” He received a few nods from some of his different students, flashing them a smile as he checked the clock so he knew when to tell them to stop typing.

“Do any of you mind if I just nip out to grab a drink?” He once again received a few nods from more or less the same people as last time. He smiled, excusing himself and heading out of his bedroom to the kitchen.

On his way he walked past the living room, scoffing at the sight in front of him. Scarlett was falling asleep on the chair while the tv played some disney film she’d seen a hundred times, one that Tom knew she didn’t really like all too much.

But there on the couch was Harrison and the girl engaged in what looked like an intense liplock. Tom had a right to be angry, but he didn’t know if now was the time to say anything. The blonde was more or less already annoyed with his friend and he didn’t need to give him any more reason why he should be.

He cleared his throat, announcing his presence to the three in the room. His bub just looked up at him through her long lashes, rubbing her eyes tiredly. While Harrison and the mystery girl just stared at him.

“Really? While Scarlett’s in the room too.” Harrison didn’t try and defend himself, but the look on the girl sitting next to him’s face, told him everything he needed to know. The sleepy girl in the armchair didn’t even know what was going on, having just seen the angry look on her dad’s face and the sheepish one on her uncles.

“Come on, angel.” He carefully picked her up, her head tucking into his neck while he held her on his hip. She shifted in his arms, whining tiredly at all the sudden movement.

“Daddy.” Tom kissed her cheek, his feet taking him to the kitchen to get what he originally came for. He opened the fridge with his free hand, grabbing a water bottle for himself and placing it on the counter, before grabbing the juice he’d put in there earlier for Scarlett.

“Bub?” he asked. She slowly lifted her head, looking up at her dad with her large brown eyes, the same ones that resembled his. “Can you hold your juice for me?”

She held the sippy cup in both of her tiny hands, letting her dad carry her back to his room. He sighed when he closed the door, realising he’d have to have her with him during the rest of his class. He sat back down and it turned a few heads, the teens furrowing their eyebrows at the sudden sight of a young child in their professor’s camera view.

He placed the water bottle and juice on his desk, adjusting Scarlett on his knee so she was more comfortable.

“Is it okay if my daughter sits in for a bit everyone?” There was a chorus of agreement, some students cooing over the little girl sitting on their professors knee. Scarlett grew shy, tucking her head into her dad’s chest so they all couldn’t see her blushing face.

Tom smiled, hand coming up to hold her head to his chest. He mindlessly played with her curls while he explained how to get started or gave a bit of influence on what to put to some of them that were struggling.

Scarlett was beginning to get fidgety, her hands clutching at her dad’s shirt. Tom knew these were all signs of when she got sleepy, wanting to take a nap.

“You tired bub?” She nodded her head, tiredly rubbing her eyes with her fists. Tom kissed her head, grabbing a loose hairband from off his desk to tie her curls back.

Some of the girls in the class swooned when Tom started to brush the girls hair back with his fingers, tying it into a loose ponytail at the back of her head.

“Take a nap, s’okay.” She nodded, asking her dad to grab her teddy bear for her, the one she always seemed unable to fall asleep without. It was sitting on the end of Tom’s bed, the man easily reaching over the desk to grab it for her.

She happily clutched it to her chest, snuggling further into her dad’s warm chest. He placed a quick kiss on her hair as he watched her eyes flutter shut, a small smile lingering on his lips.

“Ten more minutes everyone.” His hand was still resting against Scarlett’s head, his thumb rubbing the area of her temple gently. People had begun finishing, starting to ask Tom the most random questions about Lettie and more specifically why they’d never met her before. “She’ll have to join us more often then.” He placed a quick kiss on her head before announcing he was going to end the lesson early, let his students go do whatever they wanted for the rest of their afternoon.

“Have fun, goodbye all.” With a wave and a few clicks of his mouse, the call had ended. Tom sighed, watching as people began handing in the essays they’d just been working on, the ones that Tom needed to grade and give improvements on before Friday, today was only Tuesday.

Tom’s phone suddenly pinged with a text notification, making him startle for a second, the man reaching over to grab it to see your contact name lighting up his screen.

Chinese for dinner? Can pick it up later on my way back x

Yes please, you’re a delight love x

He smiled as he set his phone back down, planning on finishing marking the rest of his class’ work before he finished for the day. Now you and Tom didn’t actually live together, yet, but you often stayed over to help with anything, including the toddler you adored.

Scarlett was still pleasantly sleeping in her dad’s lap, for how much longer he didn’t know, but her breathing was steady and even, as she dreamed about whatever three year old’s dreamt about.

She eventually shifted a little while later, letting out an adorable tired sound from the back of her throat as she stretched with a sleepy yawn.

“Hi dove, did you sleep okay?” He brushed some stray hair out of her face, letting her take a minute to wake herself up. She eventually nodded her head, letting out a little sassy huff as she looked up at her dad.

“I don’t like uncle Haz’s friend,” she complained, jutting out her bottom lip into the cutest little sad face. He had to refrain from giggling at her, hiding his smile by faking a pout, but his eyes held so much amusement. “Why not?”

“I wanted to watch Tangled a-and she made us watch chicken little,” she ranted.

She was clearly getting worked up over this, more than she needed to anyway, tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of the movie that had given her nightmares before. Tom fully knew how much she hated that film, he was the one who’d had to hold her when she cried, and he was slightly frustrated that Harrison hadn’t said anything against watching it.

He sighed, wrapping his arms around her small frame, giving her a big squeeze. “I’m sorry, bub, she does sound like a meanie.”

That made her giggle, making Tom’s heart flutter.

He glanced between the ungraded work on his computer screen and the small girl in his arms, deciding that making her happy was more important than marking someone’s work early, he had days before it had to be done anyway.

Scarlett clung to him like a koala when Tom abruptly stood up from his desk chair, “Where are we going?” She asked.

“You’re going to sit here,” He said, emphasising his words by placing her down on his bed. “While daddy gets changed, and then we can watch Tangled together.”

She squealed excitedly, finding it hard to sit still as Tom grabbed some clothes and headed to his bathroom to change.

A few minutes later he was done, heading back into his room to find his angel bouncing in anticipation as she very incorrectly sang the words to her favourite Tangled song.

“Woah, is that Rapunzel singing?” he teased, poking one of her chubby cheeks as she giggled.

Tom set the movie up with a very impatient three year old beside him, constantly rushing him telling him to hurry up.

He seated himself against the pillows after he’d pressed play and let her get comfortable against his chest, making sure she had her Pascal teddy in her arms ready to watch; something she had to do every single time they watched the movie.

Scarlett had sang to every single song that had played so far, even coaxing Tom into singing a few with her when she decided he must be flynn.

Near her favourite scene, which was obviously the boat scene, Tom’s bedroom door was opened and Harry waltzed in with a greeting.

He stood there for a few minutes just watching the movie with them, the same movie he’d seen a countless amount of times and he probably wouldn’t admit it but he did actually love it.

He found it a little strange that they were watching it in Tom’s room, when normally they’d have it at a high volume in the living room for everyone to hear, even the neighbours.

“Why are you in here?” he asked, pointing to the smaller tv than what was in the living room. Tom sighed, trying to whisper so he wouldn’t bother the angel watching the film, because there’s no doubt she would have some kind of sassy remark to shut him up.

“Harrison was with a girl, she terrorised the munchkin with chicken little.”

Harry found that sentence quite amusing, and to be fair to him the girl was scared of a cartoon chicken, letting out a loud laugh that had Scarlett aggressively shushing him. He apologised sheepishly, biting his lip to contain his smile at the bossy child.

“Well if my favourite girl isn’t going to love me, I guess I’ll go then,” he pouted, making grabby hands at her to try and get a hug.

She looked between the film and her uncle Harry like it was the hardest decision in the world, solved by Tom simply pressing pause.

“Thank you, daddy.”

She ran across the bed until she was standing in front of Harry, throwing herself into his arms so he had to catch her. He chuckled, holding her tightly and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“How are you, munchkin?”

She buried her head in his neck. “ ‘m good.”

With a teasing growl Harry pried the girl off of him and dropped her on the bed, listening to the way she giggled loudly, her cheeks hurting from how wide she was grinning at her uncle. Harry would of course argue her favourite uncle, but Sam, Paddy, Tuwaine and Harrison would all have something to say to that.

“Will you watch Rapunzel with us?” she asked. Harry could never say no to those big doe eyes, nodding his head with a small sigh.

“Only if I get to sing Flynn’s parts,” he bargained. Tom scoffed, turning his head towards his younger brother with evil eyes.

“Deal,” Scarlett whispered.

“But I thought I was Flynn?” Tom pouted, pulling his bub into his lap with puppy dog eyes to try and guilt trip her. She rolled her eyes, catching Tom slightly off guard for a second. She giggled at him, poking his cheek like he always did to her.

“He’s not really daddy, don’t be selfish.” Harry snorted, covering it up with a cough when Tom sent a glare in his direction.

“Yeah, don’t be selfish Tom.”

»»——⍟——««

“I’m here and I have food,” you announced, carrying the bag in your left hand while you carried your phone and keys in the other. Harrison was the first one in the kitchen. You thought he was taking the bag from you so you didn’t have to struggle carrying it, but it turns out it was only to start rummaging through the food.

He laid out the different containers on the counter, grabbing his and popping them open like he was a starving man.

“Hello to you too.” He flashed you a smile, eating something from inside one of the boxes before he pressed a friendly kiss to your cheek as his greeting. He scattered away back to his room almost as quickly as he came out of it, taking his food with him with a quick thank you.

A grin grew on your lips as you watched your boyfriend enter the kitchen, unlike Harrison, heading straight to greet you, his lips puckered already.

“Missed you.” He pecked your lips softly, your lips lingering for a little bit longer than they normally would and that pretty much told him all he needed to know.

He pulled back from the kiss, lifting his hand to rest on your cheek, slowly stroking just under your eye where he could clearly see how tired you looked. They fluttered shut with a sigh, allowing yourself to embrace the feeling of Tom’s gentle touch. “You okay?”

You hummed unconvincingly, a frown growing on Tom’s face. His hand slipped into your hair, gently pushing your head forward until your cheek was resting against the soft material of his turtleneck.

“D’you want to talk about it?” He asked, swaying the both of you as you embraced each other. He felt you shake your head, tightening your hold around his torso. The two of you paid no mind to the food for a few minutes as you hugged, deciding that it wasn’t going anywhere.

Only did you pull away when you heard two lots of footsteps heading in your direction. Light ones that were much quicker in their steps, obviously Scarletts, and then heavier ones that were much calmer and slower, probably Harrys. Tom was reluctant to let go of you, kissing your forehead when you were no longer in his arms.

He busied himself with getting everyone’s food dished out onto the correct plates, taking much more time with Scarlett’s than he did anyone else's.

He had to make sure it was on her designated kiddie plate that she always used. The one that was divided into different sections for her different bits of food.

“D’you want some help?” You asked, noting the way Tom was more or less doing everything himself. He shook his head, motioning to the doorway with a grin. You followed his gaze and locked eyes with the three year old who looked completely ecstatic to see you.

“Y/N!” she squealed, wrapping her arms around your legs. You grinned, bending down to her height to wrap your arms around her tiny frame. Her presence was enough to lift your mood, a smile growing on your face as she hugged you back. Tom watched with heart eyes, absolutely adoring the way his daughter loved you so much and vice versa. You stood up back to your full height and lifted her onto your hip, letting her see over the counter that was now decorated with countless items of food for the household.

“I missed you today, love.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Of course,” you kissed her cheek. “You always brighten my day, bubba.”

She hid her head in your neck with blushing cheeks, making your heart flutter with the utmost amount of love. You kept Tom company for a few minutes, just holding Scarlett close to you while she watched you both talk.

She may be only three but she knew her daddy was truly in love, it was obvious with the way he looked at you, even to her.

“Almost done?” you asked him, noting the way he was just finding drinks in the fridge. He nodded his head, flashing you both a quick smile that told you you could go get yourself comfy.

“Why don’t we go pick a movie, Lettie?” She perked up and rapidly nodded her head and you already knew what was going to come out of her mouth before she said it, but Tom interrupted before she could even form the words.

“No, we’ve already watched Tangled today.” You giggled as her bottom lip jutted out, her sad eyes shifting to glare at her dad who playfully glared right back. She eventually gave in under his stare, not wanting to get herself into accidental actual trouble.

“Fine.”

“What about Frozen?” you asked, knowing it was also in her top five disney films, even though she would claim most of them were her favourite while you were watching them. She was almost just as excited about your suggestion as she seemed to be about her own, mainly because you had no issue joining her in singing the songs, because God knows Tom could be a lot more stubborn when it came to Frozen songs than he was with Tangled; He wasn’t particular a big fan of this one.

“You two go ahead, I’ll be in in just a minute,” he said. You nodded, helping her carry her drink while you carried yours in your other hand. Once they were both safely placed on the side where you wouldn’t spill them, you began making aeroplane sounds to get her laughing again, finally sitting her down on the floor next to the spot you were planning to sit in. Her adorable toddler laugh never failed to make you feel all warm and giddy inside.

Tom came in no more than five minutes later, bringing yours and Lettie’s food out first so you could get started on eating while the intro of the movie played. He had to make another trip to the kitchen in order to get his, coming back with his plate and phone in hand.

He could’ve cried when he saw the way you and Lettie were laughing and singing along to one of the first songs. You were making her giggle uncontrollably with the way you were doing the different voices, and Tom wasn’t sure he’d ever seen you with a bigger smile.

After the day he’d suspected you had, he was sure you would be more and glad that you had such a lovely distraction.

He pulled up his phone and started recording the two of you, wanting to keep this moment forever so he could always look back and rewatch it. The song finally ended and so did his recording, luckily neither of you noticing he’d recorded that. He was certain you’d be embarrassed if you knew.

He cheered for your performance, taking a seat at the other side of Lettie on the floor.

“That was quite a show,” he teased, shooting you a wink too.

With flushed cheeks you took a bite of your food, trying to busy yourself with anything so you didn’t have to look at your very amused boyfriend. “Shut up.”

»»——⍟——««

After spending the evening watching countless Disney films, all used to cheer you up and take your mind off of whatever day you had, Tom noticed that both you and Scarlett were beginning to drift off together on the couch.

You had moved from the floor to the couch quite earlier on in your second movie, Hercules to be exact, as you deemed it much more comfortable than the hardwood you were sitting on.

She was now curled up into your side, her head managing to dig itself deeper and deeper into your chest as Mulan played in the background. She wasn’t paying attention to the film anymore, letting her eyes flutter closed as she planned on taking a much needed nap in your arms.

However, by the looks of it you were also planning on taking a nap, your head resting on top of the small girls with heavy eyes. Tom awed inside, taking a quick picture of the two of you, sneakily changing it to his lockscreen.

“I think we need to get you two to bed, huh?” He heard you hum, watching as his much smaller bub began making grabby hands at her dad. He smiled, easily scooping her up like she weighed as much as a feather. He placed a kiss on your forehead, telling you not to fall asleep while he got settled Lettie in bed.

The girl was more or less completely limp as he carried her from the living room to her room, carefully setting her in her bed. He made sure she had the teddies she always slept with, tucking her in tightly to keep her nice and warm.

“Can you read me a story?” she asked, voice so quiet and soft that there was no way he could say no, he was just hoping you’d be able to hold out and stay awake.

“Course, which one?”

He spent the next ten minutes reading through a story he’d probably read to her hundreds of times, but somehow she managed to love it even more each time. His voice was low to try and keep the sleepy energy in the room, not wanting her to get too excited, although she would giggle every time he switched his accent to do another character's voice.

“Daddy?” she whispered, drawing his attention away from the next chapter of the book. He hummed quietly, leaning down and placing a kiss on her head to let her know he was listening.

“Are you in love with Y/N?”

He felt himself grow nervous, a stressed chuckle slipping past his lips before he could stop it. He wasn’t sure what to say, he’d yet to actually tell you he loves you, even though he knew it right from your first date. Admittedly, part of him was scared that if he got that vulnerable with you that you would;t love him back and it’d break his heart, even though the more sensible part of him knew you would never do that to him. He just couldn’t find the right time or his guts to tell you.

“What do you know about love, hm?”

“I know that Flynn loves Rapunzel, and you look at Y/N like she’s your Rapunzel.” Tom’s heart melted. He always heard from his friends and family how whipped he looked for you all the time, even when he didn’t realise he’d been looking at you with heart eyes. Hearing this from his own daughter told him basically all he needed to know: He loved you, and he was going to tell you.

“Goodnight baby.” He pressed a kiss to Scarlett’s head, avoiding her question and switching off her light. He closed the door, leaving it slightly open like he did every night just in case she needed him for anything. Tom headed back to the living room, watching the way you were half asleep, your eyes trained on whatever random show had begun playing on the tv.

“Hey, you ready for bed?”

You hummed tiredly. “Don’t want to get up,” you whined.

He chuckled, adoring how cute you got when you were sleepy, often rambling about things that didn’t even make sense. He made his way over to you, shifting your position so he could slip his hands under you and pick you up. You squealed quietly when you were more or less hoisted into the air, a breathy laugh coming from Tom.

You were gently laid on his bed in the blink of an eye, granted your tired eyes were blinking very slowly. Tom left you for a moment, going who knows where to do who knows what.

“Need to take my makeup off,” you moaned to no one but yourself. Tom seemed to have already thought of that, actually he’d already thought of everything as it seemed. Not only was he carrying your makeup remover but some of his clothes for you to change into after your decision not to earlier on.

“Come here, pretty girl.”

The first swipe of the cotton wool against your cheek had you flinching, your sleepy body not expecting the jolt of cold on your skin. Tom chuckled, pressing a kiss to your lips as his form of an apology.

You could feel yourself blushing as he handled your face with such care, soft strokes to your right cheek to remove all the makeup, occasionally meeting your eyes with a small admiring glint in them. The simple act felt so intimate to you and it made your heart grow so much fonder for the curly haired brunette.

“All done.”

You smiled, starting to help him in undressing you to change into his much baggier and comfier clothes. Another wave of exhaustion hit you spontaneously, making you want to just crawl in bed and stay there forever, but here you were just making it more difficult for your boyfriend to slip the shirt over your head.

“No, don’t fall asleep on me yet, angel.” He cooed at you quietly, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb until your eyes fluttered open again. He held up the shirt in his hands.

“We’ll just put this on, yeah? We can forget about the joggers.”

You agreed, assisting him by raising your arms. You were rewarded with a few kisses after he managed to slip the plain shirt on your upper half, bringing a happy grin to your lips as he pulled away from the last kiss. You were over the moon to be slipping under the covers of your boyfriend’s bed, burying your head in his pillow while being engulfed by his calming scent.

He watched you with a smile as you got comfortable, practically purring like a kitten as you finally got comfortable. He slipped the tight, dark turtleneck off from over his head, followed by his dress pants that he put on to feel fancier, despite the fact his class wouldn’t be able to see them.

“Hurry up,” you whined, craving the feel of your boyfriend’s warmth against you. He thankfully didn’t make you wait too much longer, slipping in beside you with a content sigh.

The two of you laid in silence for a while, and although Tom didn’t know whether you’d fallen asleep already or not, he spoke up and asked the question on his mind anyway.

“What happened today?”

You groaned, burying your face deeper into Tom’s chest, trying to avoid the topic altogether. He gave you all the time you needed though, stroking his fingers through your hair while you thought about where to start.

“Everything just went wrong, got yelled at by my boss too,” you explained simply. “Couldn’t wait to come home to you and Lettie.”

He frowned, planting a kiss on your head. He mumbled a quiet apology, apologising of course for the fact you had a bad day.

“I hope we were able to cheer you up.”

You tucked your head into his neck, a dreamy smile making the corner of your lips twitch.

“Of course you did, my two favourite people.”

He thought about your last three words over and over again in his head. Now was the time, it was the perfect time.

“Y/N?” He didn’t get a response this time from you, but he also knew if he didn’t speak up now then he’d probably back out again. “I-I love you, so much.”

From the angle he was laying at he was unable to see the expression that had overtaken your face. Tom, always assuming the worst, guessed that you had heard him but he’d just ruined everything and there was no way he could take that back now.

You could feel his rapid heartbeat in his chest underneath your head, your hand coming up to gently rub the skin with your thumb, hoping to soothe him a little. You placed a kiss beside your thumb onto his chest, lifting your head so you could look him in the eye. “Calm down you goof, I love you too.”

»»——⍟——««

Tom didn’t know what time it was when he heard the noise near his ear. Assuming that it was just a noise he buried his face deeper into the back of your neck, tightening his arm around your body. He heard it again, this time he recognised the voice as belonging to his angel bub. She placed her tiny hands on his arm, trying to roll him over on the bed.

“What’s wrong, dove?”

“Nightmare,” she whispered. Tom frowned, rolling onto his back to scoop her up and let her cuddle into his chest. His other arm was still tucked underneath your head, the male hoping that he hasn’t woken you.

He pressed a kiss to the girl’s head, rubbing his hand across the back of her hair to try and soothe her. He could feel her tiny frame shaking from whatever rattled her in her dream and it broke his heart.

“Lettie,” he whispered. She sniffled quietly, looking up at her dad. As selfish as it sounds, Tom was still extremely sleepy so he didn’t really know what was happening right now, which meant he wasn’t exactly able to talk his bub back to sleep like he normally would. He also didn’t want to accidentally wake you up because you were equally as tired, if not more than him.

“I told Y/N I love her.” She gasped, bolting up to look at her dad to see if he was telling the truth. He grinned, nodding his head. Little did they know that you were currently listening to everything the pair was saying, and your heart was already melting at the reaction coming from Scarlett.

You didn’t know why Tom was telling her this, or why Scarlett seemed so excited about it, but you were curious to know where he was going with this.

“What happened, daddy?” she asked, her big doe eyes watching him closely.

“Let’s just say, she’s definitely my Rapunzel.”

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

tom holland taglist → @seutarose @lmaotshollandd​ @photoshopart15​ @hopelessly-harry​ @call-me-baby-gir1​ @icyhollands​ @sinisterspidey​ @siriuslyslyslytherin​ @musicalkeys-blog​ @itstaskeen​ @tpwk-grande​ @zspideyy​ @spideyssunshine​ @givebuckyhisplumsnow​ @lowkey-holland​ @hollandcrush​ @wizkiddx​ @sannie-san-shine​ @sonnydoesrandomshit​ @hopeless-romantic-baby​ @thehumanistsdiary​ @dummiesshort​ @itsbieberxholland​ @lillucyandthejets​ @piscesparker​ @bvttercupbby​ @mymilliefrommarketing​ @spideyspeaches​ @kujokura​ @l0velyevans​ @jess-holland23​ @felicityparkers​ @quxxnxfhxll​ @captainamirica​ @tomsirishgirlx​ @lou-la-lou​ @slutforsr​ @tayyx​ @bora-world​ @annathesillyfriend​ @lovableparker​ @whoeveniskendall​ @hollandswife​ @sunwardsss​ @dhtomholland​ @messedupmyfuckinglife​ @bi-lmg​ @londonspidey​ @katexrichardson​ @mrsholland96​ @tomhollandismyhusband1996​ @just-lost-inbetween-worlds​ @magicalxdaydream

[ragingbookdragon]

It's As Real As You And Me

Batsis x Kyle Rayner One-Shot

Word Count: 2.1K Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst,

Author's Note: If you cry while writing, it means you're doing it right...right? -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“Do we have to get out of bed today?” he groaned, silencing the alarm that had been snoozed at least three times before. “I don’t wanna get out of bed today.”

She snorted at him, rolling rather slowly to face his bedside. “I don’t think we have to.” She said. “We’re old. We can do whatever we want.”

He thought for a moment, old eyes trying to focus on the woman beside him; but without his glasses he couldn’t see a damn thing. “Breakfast at Pop’s?”

“That sounds wonderful,” she replied, rising from the bed. “I’m showering first.”

“Oh no you don’t!” he retorted, trying to hurry after her and she laughed, pushing him back onto the bed.

“Stop that, Kyle, before you pop your hip outta place again.”

“Ah, it’ll pop back in, (Y/N). Quit worrying.”

(Y/N) frowned at him, pointing, “You keep on and I’ll talk the kids into putting us into an old folks’ home so I can keep an eye on you better.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Kyle griped. “We’d lose the only independence we’ve got, and you don’t wanna do that.”

They glared at each other for a minute before smiles split across their faces and they fell into laughter, pressing their foreheads together.

“I love you, Kyle Rayner.”

He gently raised a hand, caressing her cheek. “And I love you more, (Y/N) Rayner.” Pecking her lips three times, he pulled away and she helped him to his feet.

“C’mon. Let’s go get ready.” She said and he gasped dramatically.

“Well, Missus Rayner, you want to fool around in the shower? At our age?” he teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“God, it’s been like seven decades and you’re still the biggest skirt chasing dork ever.”

Kyle grinned at her. “I try.”

***

“Did KJ call you back like he said he was going too?”

“Mhm,” he answered, cutting into the waffles on his plate. “Spoke to him last night. Said he’d call again after he and Thomas get back from Vermont with Sophia and the other grandkids.” He looked at her, putting the fork in his mouth. “Martha Ann call you about Devin?”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. “Yes. He’s gotten in trouble with GCPD again.” She waved it off, picking up her coffee cup. “I’ve half a mind to tell her to send our grandson to Jason and let him sort that boy out.”

Kyle snorted. “Jason would wear that kid like a slipper.”

“That’s what he needs.” She shot back. “This is the second time in a month that he’s been caught shoplifting. Mark my words, husband of mine, that boy’s a kleptomaniac and if Martha Ann doesn’t do something about it, he’s going to get worse.”

He placed a hand on hers. “You’re getting worked up again. Relax.”

“How many times have I told you not to tell me to relax?”

“I don’t know, how many times have I not listened?”

“Ass.”

“Old lady.”

“I swear I’ve never seen two elderly people more in love and so at odds with one another than I have you two.” They glanced up, seeing Stacy with the coffee pot and another plate of eggs and bacon. “Refills?”

(Y/N) smiled and held out her cup. “Thanks Stacy.”

“Of course!” she looked at her. “You two going anywhere after this?”

Kyle met (Y/N)’s gaze and offered a shrug; she nodded. “I suppose we could take a drive around the countryside. You know, like old people do on Sundays.”

Stacy laughed. “Missus Rayner, you don’t look a day over twenty-five. Now Mister Rayner, I’m afraid that white hair of yours tells me you are more than a few over twenty-five.”

He scowled at the waitress. “If there was ever a time I wish was still in my twenties, it’d be now.” He gestured to the walking cane. “Bum hip. Bum leg.”

“Bum head.” (Y/N) coughed under her breath and he glared at her.

“You think you’re funny.”

“I think I’m adorable.” She smirked, waggling her brows and Stacy merely laughed, wandering back into the kitchen. (Y/N) sighed. “It does make you think though…about the old days.”

Kyle nodded. “I wouldn’t trade our time for anything but...” he squeezed her hand. “I want to be back in that suit just for a minute.”

(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah…patrolling with dad and Dick and the others.” Her eyes started to moisten, and she inhaled sharply, dabbing at her eyes. “Sorry sweetheart.”

His smile held sympathy. “You never have to apologize, muse.” She saw his Adam’s apple bob slightly. “I miss them too.” His voice was rather hoarse, and they sat in silence the rest of the meal, remembering their dearest siblings and friends who’d passed on. Her father Bruce, and oldest brother Dick, both their wives too. And Kyle’s closest friends had all gone on too; Guy, John, and Hal had passed the month before.

The price of getting old, they guessed.

***

“I wish my hands were still able to hold pencils like I once could.”

(Y/N) rested her head on his shoulder, eyes scanning the expanse of the sunset before them. “I know what you mean.” She inhaled the scent of the freshly cut grass beside the shore. “Your painting of this would be beautiful.”

Kyle hummed. “Not as beautiful as you are.”

“I’m ninety-two and you’re telling me that even covered in wrinkles and white hair that I’m prettier than the skyline?”

He nodded. “Always have been.” He shifted until he could see her face. “Always will be, my beautiful muse.”

(Y/N) grinned like the heavens had split and leaned close, pecking his three times lips. “I love you, Kyle Rayner.”

“I love you more, (Y/N) Rayner.”

***

She turned the burner off, pouring the gravy into the boat, before setting it on the small table. “Dinner’s ready.” She called towards the living room. He’d gone into the old study when they’d gotten home and pulled out his art supplies, determined to prove he still had it.

(Y/N) frowned. “Sweetheart, dinner’s ready!” she called a little louder that time and then huffed a laugh. “Fool fell asleep.”

Wandering through the kitchen doorway into the living room, she saw him in his recliner, chin tucked into his chest, eyes closed. She sat on the side of his recliner and touched his shoulder. “Kyle, dinner’s on the table.” He didn’t open his eyes and she bent her head down to look at his face. “Kyle?”

She reached down and took one of his hands, it was cooling. “Sweetheart?” Something tightened in her throat and with her other hand, she gently pressed underneath his jaw, holding for a few seconds before she let out a pained breath. “Oh, Kyle.”

(Y/N) curled her hand tighter around his, leaning down to press her lips to his temple. She couldn’t bring herself to move as she let out a quiet sob, pressing her face into his hair. “I love you,” she whispered. “I hope you know that.” Her lips wobbled and tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I wouldn’t trade our seventy-five years for anything. We lived a beautiful life.”

She pulled away and gently took his glasses off his face, setting them onto the table. Her eyes fell to his lap where his other hand lay, a color pencil still held in it. (Y/N) felt a watery laugh bubble in her chest as she saw the last masterpiece he’d ever made.

A portrait of the sunset they'd been looking at that day. A beautiful blend of red, orange, pink, and purple cascading across the sheet like an explosion of the sky.

Her eyes fell across the words written in white along the edge,

To my beautiful muse. Always and forever.

He still had it.

And it was perfect.

***

“Julia, can you push me out onto the patio?” she asked, looking out the window. “I think I wanna sit outside for a few moments.”

The young woman, no older than twenty-two smiled brightly. “Of course, Miss Rayner!” she happily complied, pushing (Y/N)’s wheelchair out onto the cobblestone patio, sitting her next to the table. “Do you want me to bring your dinner to you?”

(Y/N) nodded. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a few moments.”

Julia wandered off and she glanced towards the skyline. It had been about six months since she let her children talk her into getting an in-home nurse after he had passed. She had argued, but after falling twice, she knew it was time to have someone look after her. (Y/N) was adamant about not going to a senior citizens home; she wanted to stay in the home her and him had built until she went too.

Her children and grandchildren had visited her the week before, all having to return to their lives once school had started and jobs went back. She understood—(Y/N)’d once been a busy wife and mother too. But it was lonely without him, and she missed him dearly.

Her eyes found the skyline again and she sighed heavily, feeling rather tired all of the sudden. A little nap wouldn’t hurt. And she knew Julia wasn’t the best cook so it’d take a while before dinner would be ready.

Just a few minutes of sleep.

Just a few minutes.

Just a few—

***

A warm breeze blew across her skin, and she cracked her eyes open, glancing out the open window of her bedroom. It felt like a normal Saturday morning. The type of mornings where she’d wake up to Tim or Damian jumping on her bed and telling her to get down to breakfast.

She blinked a few moments, not registering a thing until someone chuckled beside her. “You’ve been sleeping pretty soundly, sweetheart.”

Looking over, her eyes widened as she saw her father before her, young and handsome like he’d once been, sitting on the side of her bed. “Dad?” she breathed, and he smiled.

“Hello (Y/N).”

She shot up in a second, wrapping her arms around his neck, his own winding around her waist. “Dad,” she cried, tears gathering in her eyes. “You’re here.”

“I think it’s you who’s here, (Y/N).”

“What?” she pulled away and looked at him; her eyes drifted to the mirror hanging beside her door and she caught sight of herself—it registered as she lifted her hands to her face, no more wrinkles, no more snow-white hair, no more aches and pains.

“Looks like I fell asleep for more than a few minutes, didn’t I, dad?” she laughed, though she felt a deep sorrow.

He smiled sadly at her. “It’s the best way to go.”

(Y/N)’s eyes filled with tears, and she gazed at him. “I’ve missed you so much, dad.”

“I’ve missed you more, sweetheart.” Bruce replied, gently thumbing her cheek. “All of you.” He smiled again. “But you’re here now…and there’s a lot of people waiting to see you.”

Standing from the bed, he held his hand out to her and she took it, letting him pull her up; he walked over to the door and opened it, pulling her along as he stepped through it.

The scenery shifted from that of her bedroom to the backyard of Wayne Manor and she looked out to a large picnic table and seated around it were all the family and friends she’d lost through the decades. Dick was waving like a maniac, Kori beside him doing the same. They both looked young too. Hal, Guy, and John were sitting on the other side, ribbing Wally, Roy, and Garth over something; they too were young.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Why is everybody young again?”

Bruce hummed. “We all return to the best moments in our lives. When we were our biggest and greatest.” He glanced over her at something and smiled. “There’s someone who’s been waiting for you.”

(Y/N) looked at him with pulled brows then over in the direction he was, and she brought a hand to her mouth. She broke into a dead sprint across the backyard, leaping into his open and waiting arms. He lifted her with ease, like he used to do when he was young. Spinning them around, he buried his face in her hair as she buried hers in his shoulder as she shook with sobs.

“Sorry I wasn’t able to have dinner with you one last time, (Y/N).”

She pulled away and placed her hands on his cheek, putting their foreheads together. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you, Kyle.”

He shook his head, smiling at her. “You were there.” He reached up, putting a hand on her cheek. “You look as beautiful as the day I left you.”

(Y/N)’s lips wobbled, but she smiled widely. “I love you, Kyle Rayner.”

“I love you more, (Y/N) Rayner.” He pecked her lips three times. “Forever.”

[hxt1b]

Why Can’t We? - Extended

Masterlist 

Jaehyun x Reader 

WC: 4.2k 

Genre: Angst (YouTuber Reader x Idol Jaehyun)

Warning: Smut and Swearing 

Original Post: Why Can’t We?

A/N: Hey thank you so much for the love on the original little blurb I wrote. I decided to write an extended version of it for you guys. I hope you like it! If you haven’t read the original I’ve linked it. This is sort of a part two but you could read this without reading the blurb as well hence why I don’t think it fits to call it a part two. Again the grammar may be iffy, I tried my best but things probably still slipped through, regardless I hope you guys like this. Let me know your thoughts. And if anyone wants to send me any requests you can go do that here. I appreciate them and will get to them as soon as I can!

You were slumped over your desk, staring at the work you had in front of you. Your business partner/ best friend was expecting this to be done by the end of the night. The video needed to be out by eight pm. It was already seven, you couldn’t focus though and you knew that if you called her and just explained to her that you fucked up. That you did the one thing you shouldn’t have. That you slept with Jaehyun. She’d help you. But you couldn’t process the fact yourself, you couldn’t process the emotions that were still running through you. You couldn’t believe that you ran. Yet you knew there was no other option. You knew how you felt about him, and Jaehyun never made any move to hide his feelings. Not from you. 

But it wouldn’t work and you knew that, you were so wrapped up in your YouTube channel and all the other opportunities that were coming your way, and he was… well he was Jung Jaehyun. You couldn’t see yourself by his side. Not with how much you’d have to hide it, not with all his fans. They’d find out, your whole life was on the internet, his was too. It wouldn’t work, it would only lead to more heartbreak. Heartbreak at a greater scale one that you could not take. 

You held yourself back as much as you could but last night you couldn’t. Not with the way he looked at you, his eyes showing every emotion he had inside him, not with the way  his mouth felt against yours, the way his hands moved against your skin. You could still feel his breath on your skin. 

A shiver ran down your spine and you were brought back to the computer in front of you. A video of you and your best friend staring back at you. You’d only edited the first four minutes, there was two hours' worth of footage waiting for you. 

Sighing you grabbed your phone, biting your lip you kept yourself from looking at the missed calls you had from him and messages he had sent you. You ignored the burning in you to open them, to reply, to call him back. Instead, you called your friend. 

Her happy voice coming through after the first ring. 

“Hey, dude what’s up?”  

“So listen, I uh I’m gonna need another hour to edit that video it’ll be a little late is that okay?” You said, your voice slightly shaking. 

“Yeah yeah, that's fine.” Her voice fell to a concerned tone, “Is everything okay?” 

“Sorry, yeah I just haven’t been having the best day ya know.” You ran your finger along the side of your desk as you spoke to her. Your mind wandering back to Jaehyun. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked. 

“No there’s nothing to talk about just one of those slow and tiring days.” You lied. She hummed on the other side of the line dropping the topic. 

“Take your time with the video’s its fine if it goes up late we can put it up tomorrow too. Just send out a tweet.” You nodded even though she couldn’t see you. 

“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you.” 

Hanging up you opened your Twitter app. Quickly typing out the tweet. You scrolled through your feed as your tweet blew up, you weren’t huge on YouTube but you had a decent amount of subscribers that your posting schedule mattered. 

Minutes ticked by as you liked and replied to some tweets that came your way. But scrolling came to be a mistake. A thread about Jaehyun appeared on your feed and you couldn’t help but open it, your heart aching as the thread appreciated Jaehyun dimples. You loved his dimples as much as anyone else. The difference was that you had a front seat to him. You’d poked your finger into those dimples so many times over the span of time that you and Jaehyun had known each other. 

Quickly closing the app you came face to face again with all the notifications regarding him. Blinking as your eyes stung you bit your lip again. There was only one option in your head again, you couldn’t handle the ache that your heart felt right now imagine if it was on a grander scale. You had to stop this now. 

Opening his contact information on your phone you blocked his number, and on Instagram and every other platform he could contact you. Your vision blurred and your headached as you put your phone back down on your desk. 

You couldn’t edit the video today anyway. Getting up from your desk chair you made your way to your bed and buried yourself under your blankets as a few tears slipped down your cheek. 

Two weeks passed and Jaehyun was a mess, his head was somewhere else constantly, he couldn’t focus on his work. He couldn’t think straight. He just moved from day to day as he became more and more numb. He’d called you, texted you but you hadn’t returned anything. Short of going to your apartment, he’d done everything he could, and that was something he wasn’t going to do. Not after you blocked him. 

He dropped his head into the palms of his hands, the bitter pain of the action hitting him again. You’d actually blocked him. The tears gathered in the corners of his eyes again but he blinked them away. But it all hurt, everything hurt. His head hurt from the anger he felt towards you, yet his heart ached for you. The fight in him tired him out daily. The other boys were noticing, Johnny had tried to talk to him about it but Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. 

She fucked me and left, oh and while she left she ripped my heart out and stomped on it because there is no way she doesn’t know that I love her. 

Jaehyun knew you were cautious, he could sense your fear. But when you slept together that day he’d hoped you’d forget it, that you’d understand that it could work. That with you he’d make it work. He’d hoped that you’d see it. But clearly, you hadn’t. 

You hadn’t even given it a chance. 

You saw him everywhere all of sudden. You blocked him but you still saw him everywhere. It had been a month since you’d last seen him and noting was easier. You’d lied to yourself then and you would lie to yourself now. Because this was for the best.  

You sighed again as another clip of Jaehyun popped up in your Instagram feed. They’d just had another comeback and it was shaping into your biggest nightmare very fast. Scrolling again you came across a clip from a recent interview. He was smiling and laughing with Jungwoo. His dimples showing up as he threw his head back and laughed at something Jungwoo had said to him. Another sigh slipped out your lips as you scrolled again. 

“Oh, my fuck. I swear Y/N if you fucking sigh again I’ll knock you out into next week.” Your best friend was staring at you from where she stood setting up the camera for today's shoot. 

“What is even wrong with you. For the past month, you’ve been sad and angry and you constantly don’t want to talk about it and I respected that but today I’ve had enough.” Her hands had moved to her hips as she glared down at you. 

Looking away from her you ran your tongue over your drying lips. 

“Talk to me Y/N.” She demanded and before you knew it everything spilled out. From the day you met Jaehyun nine months ago, to all the flirting. You told her about all the dates you’d gone on, you even told her how you insisted on calling them friend dates. Watched movies in his room, kicking Jungwoo out so that it would be just the two of you. Making cakes in his kitchen and doing the most cliche things while making them. You told her all of it, how you slept with him and blocked him because you were scared. Obviously, she knew of Jaehyun she’d even met him on many occasions but she didn’t know the details, because for some reason your brain had told you that if your best friend knew them. That if you spoke of the events that the feelings would become real, that it would all become real. 

“You're scared?” She questioned her face contorting into an expression bordering on disgust. “Scared. You?” She was sitting beside you a scowl embedded into her face. 

“Dude, we don’t scare. We meet shit head-on. Our channel is thriving because we didn’t give in to the fear that we would fail. We got where we are with that practice. We don’t fear shit. Especially not the complicated shit because we always make it work we always try.”  

She didn’t even blink as she spoke, you knew she was right, but it was easier said than done wasn’t it? But she was right you didn’t fear failure with your work and it paid off and you loved it. 

“But it’s so much more complicated now. I don’t think I can fix this.” 

“You have to try. Because I can’t stand this behaviour anymore. Fix it, babe, at least try and if it doesn’t work I’ll be here and we’ll move past it.” You nodded as she spoke. Glad that she was your best friend. 

“So I should go talk to him? Apologize? Tell him what was going on in my head?” 

“Yeah, dude just talk to him.” She looked at you expectantly as she got up and went back to fixing the camera angle. 

“Okay can you set up the mic’s now, you can talk to him after we film. Now help me.” 

Three hours later you were dragging your feet towards his dorm. You’d planned out what to say and how to say it, after you filmed, in your mirror. Your best friend giving you the thumbs up when you left. 

Looking up as you neared the dorm, the air left your lungs. There he was walking towards you, smiling down at a beautiful girl. He looked happy. You watched them as they walked slowly talking about god knows what, your hands fisted at your side as she laughed at something he said. Your insides turned and you felt like you were gonna puke. But you had no right. You were the one who left, you uncurled your hand as your eyes began to sting. 

What did you think was going to happen? That you’d leave him and he’d sit around waiting for you. That when you walked into his dorm today he’d take you back with open arms like you hadn’t left his bed and then blocked him on everything. You shook your head blinking back the tears.  

You bit your lip and looked away from them. There was no way back into his life and it was clear and it was your fault., but you had to look at him again. Just one last time. Just to see that smile, those dimples one last time in person even if you weren’t the one he was smiling at. 

Turning your head back to him your entire body froze. He was already looking at you. Stopped a few feet back from the entrance of the dorm. The girl digging around her bag for something. Your heart thumped in your chest, your blood flowing fast, the rush of it the only sound in your ears. 

Your eyes stung again, you couldn’t cry. Not here. Turning away from him you walked away quickly. You needed to get away fast, he shouldn’t have seen you. You felt selfish that you’d stood there that long, that you’d tried to steal that last glance. You should have walked away sooner. The tears slipped down your cheeks, leaving cold wet trails in their wake. 

A hand grabbed your wrist, whipping you around. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t. His hand tightened around your wrist. 

“So you’re gonna run away again?” You didn’t say anything back. What would you even say because the truth was yes. Yes, you were. He scoffed and dropped your hand, taking a step away from you. 

“You're with a girl, you’re happy I don’t want to intrude.” You still weren’t looking at him, keeping your eyes trained on the ground to your left. 

“Look at me.” He said his voice even. You refused. 

“Look at me!” His tone was harsher, slowly you turned your head to him your eyes taking in his face, from far he had looked like the perfect Jaehyun you always saw, but up close you could see the slight darkness under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, the sadness in his eyes as yours finally locked onto them. “Do I look happy to you? That girl is my cousin.” You stayed silent not knowing what to say. 

He let out a humourless laugh, “You don’t have anything to say. Why am I shocked?” He ran his hand through his hair and took a step towards you. 

“Fine then let me talk. Let me tell you about how you fucked me up, how for the past month I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong to have you block me, to have you kick me out of your life so easily. What did I do that was so wrong.” His voice broke on the last word as tears began to trail down his face. You were frozen in your spot, your hands shaking at your side. 

Everything that you’d wanted to say, everything you’d thought to say out your head. You watched as he broke down in front of you, your heartbreaking with each tear that ran down his cheek. Slowly you raised your hand taking a step closer to him, you hesitated only for a second before pulling him to you. 

“Nothing. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one that fucked up. I'm the one that ran away, and I’m the one that is so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything Jaehyun.” His arms wrapped around your body pulling you into him, his hands fisting at the back fabric of your coat. 

“I was scared, scared about everything. Scared that it would all only hurt us more in the end. I was trying to make it easier.” This time your voice cracked as you began to cry. His arms tightened around you. 

“I'm so sorry, I’m so stupid. I ran away and I’m so sorry.” It was hard for you to talk through your tears. You tried to calm down by taking in breaths of air. You needed to stop crying. “Please forgive me.” 

You looked up at him, his eyes were red from his tears that had stopped. His eyes softened as they took in your face. He didn’t say anything to you just moved his face to yours, softly pressing his lips against yours. 

“Let me make it up to you.” You said pulling away from his lips. 

You pulled him into your apartment, taking your coat off and throwing it onto your couch. Prompting him to do the same. You grabbed his hand once his coat was off and pulled him into your bedroom. Your mouth returning to his as soon as you closed the door. The kiss was slow and soft, both of you taking each other in. Pulling away from him you looked at his face, his brown eyes dark you were sure you reflected the same desire back to him that you saw. Pressing your lips back to his you let your hands trail down his chest as his stayed planted on your waist. Weaving your hand under his shirt you raked your cold fingers ups his abs earning a shiver from him. You smiled pulling away from him and pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it aside. 

Your breath hitched as you took in the sight of his bare torso, pressing yourself back to him you pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his jaw, softly sinking your teeth into the same spot before sucking the skin into your mouth. Jaehyun moaned, his hands moving up the back of your t-shirt pulling you against him. You could feel his member hard and pressed against you in-between the both of you. 

Licking the spot to soothe the sting you pressed a kiss to the slowly darkening mark, before moving further down. You kissed down his chest, softly pressing your lips against his hot skin. You marvelled in the way his breathing became shallow as you moved onto your knees. Hooking your fingers into the buttons of his jeans you undid them pulled them down along with his boxers. You pushed him back towards your bed letting him step out the articles of clothing and sit down as you slowly wrapped your hand around his throbbing cock. He was already so hard. You looked up at him as you slowly moved your hand down before licking the tip, wiping away the moisture that had gathered there. 

He groaned at your action, his eyes locked with yours as you made your way down his dick kissing down the underside towards his balls before sticking your tongue out and licking back up to his tip. His cock twitched in your hand as you wrapped your lips around his head. One of his hands twisted into the back of your hair softly grabbing your locks. 

Jaehyun’s head fell back as you moved him further into your mouth, you went slow letting yourself feel each vein with your tongue as you fit him into your mouth. Soft moans spilled from him, flowing towards you as you begin to move him in and out of your mouth, using your hand to massage the rest of him that you couldn’t fit into your mouth. 

A soft growl fell from his lips as he pulled you off him. 

“You can finish that some other time.” He said, yanking you up into his lap you straddled him, as he kissed you roughly his tongue entering your mouth and quickly meeting yours. You moaned into him as his hands moved under your shirt one hand unclasping your bra. 

“Fuck.” he cursed pulling away from you before pulling your shirt off and throwing it across the room. He tangled his hand in the hair at the back of your head again pulling you towards him to press his mouth to yours as you let your bra fall off and tossed it onto the ground. The thumb of his other hand drawing circles at your hip. 

He stood up taking you with him, not breaking the kiss as he did. You groaned as his dick pressed against your clothed core, causing heat to rush through you. He tossed you onto the bed before quickly following you. 

“I’m so fucked.” He said before pressing his lips into your neck, sucking the skin as you had done before on him. You moaned letting your hand fly to the back of his head as he moved down towards your chest, leaving open-mouthed kissed until he got your breast.

He lifted his head from you and stared at you, his eyes almost black with lust. Your breathing was laboured as he smirked at you before returning his mouth to your nipple. He harshly sucked it into his mouth pulling it up between his teeth. You let out a breathy moan, his name flowing out of your mouth, as your chest arched off the bed following his mouth. He laughed before letting your nipple pop out of his mouth and pushed up you back into the mattress before kissing over to your other breast copying his action before moving his kisses down your stomach. 

You writhed under him as his mouth got closer to where you wanted him. Hooking his fingers into your legging he pulled them down leaving you in only your panties. He looked up at you before looking back down at your covered core. Your cheeks reddened as he smiled. 

“Your so wet baby, you soaked through your panties.” His voice was thick with lust, his face showing on full display his desire for you. 

“For you,” you panted back, as he pressed a finger to you over your panties. 

“For me.” He whispered to himself before pulling your underwear down. He hovered his face over your clit, you could feel his breath teasing you. Bucking your hips towards him wanting him to do something already. You snaked your hand down to his hair. 

“Please.” You whined pushing yourself up towards him again. He chuckled, taking your hand from his hair. He held it at your stomach pushing you down back to the bed before he ran his tongue up your slit. Your eyes closed shut as your loud moans filled the room. He repeated the action before taking your clit into his mouth sucking on the swollen nub.  

“Jaehyun.” You whined moving your other hand to his hair only for him to grab it and hold it down next to your other one. You whined trying to move your hips but being unable to as he held you down. You couldn’t take it anymore. You needed him now. 

“Baby please, you can finish that some other time.” You said stealing his words from earlier. “I need you.” He pulled back from you, his mouth covered in you. He let go of your hands letting you loop them around his neck as you pulled him back up to you. Immediately pressing your lips against his in a heated kiss, you tasted yourself on his tongue. 

A deep moan fell from your lips as he slipped his cock between your folds slowly moving so that the tip was hitting your clit. His hand wrapped around your head weaving into the hair at the top as the other one knotted into the sheets next to your head. 

He pressed his forehead against yours closing his eyes as he continued to repeat his action savouring the breathy moans that fell from your open mouth. 

“Please.” You whined when you had as much as you could take, “I need you. Please.”  You begged.  

His breathing mirrored your own, harsh shared breaths as he lined himself up at your entrance, slowly pushing himself in. Your eyes fell shut at the stretch, you clenched around him as he took his time sliding into you taking in the feeling of your tight walls around him. 

“Fuck,” He muttered against your mouth followed by a soft moan as he bottomed out. You both breathed heavily as he stayed still, agonizing seconds passed before he pulled back again before spanning his hips back to you. Your head twisted to the side as he picked up his pace. He bit into the soft skin of your jaw as he moved in and out of you. 

The sound of his skin slapping against yours filled the room along with your moans, overwhelming your mind as he fucked you into a daze. You drowned in your head with every snap of his hips, you could feel him hitting your g-spot with each thrust pushing you closer you climax. 

Sweat dotted his forehead as his thrusts sped up, throwing you off the edge into the depths. Your back arched off the bed, your chest pressing against his as he took your lips up with his swiping his tongue against yours mirroring the action of his hips as he thrust into you harsher chasing after his release. You moaned his name but it sounded far off to your ears as you shook underneath him. Your walls clenching around his cock, finally his dick twitched and he came spilling himself into you. A loud moan leaving him followed by heavy breathing as he looked down at you. He let his head fall into the crook of your neck as you both came down from your highs. 

“I’m so fucked,” He whispered to you. “Don’t run away from me again Y/N. I won’t be able to take it again.” He said and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. 

“I’m not going anywhere Jaehyun.” You said stroking his back with your hand. 

“Good because, Y/N, I really like you.” You turned your head to him, his eyes meeting yours as you did. You could see the emotion in his eyes, you could see the truth behind his words, the real words he’d wanted to say. 

“I really like you too, Jaehyun.” You said, also keeping the grander emotion with you. For now. You had plenty of time to say it to him. To hear it from him, because you weren’t going anywhere, but the three words rattled around your brain, your heart your entire being as you looked at him before pressing your lips against his. 

I love you. 

[babymetaldoll]

Quarantine with Matthew Gray Gubler (MGG / Reader)

(Not my gif, thank you to whoever made it! )

Requested: Yes :)

Vivir en cuarentena con Matthew, y él hace en vivos por Instagram con y/n respondiendo preguntas de fans

Category: Fluff

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler / Reader

Summary: Matthew loves making people happy, and in quarantine, he finds the best way to keep in touch with his fans and do what he loves the most: spend time with (Y/N) 💜

Warnings: Nope

Word count: 2,2K

Masterlist

A/N: I am so sorry this request took me forever!!  Hello guys!!  thank you for all your comments, and love 💖 You are awesome!! hope you have a great week!!

.

Living in quarantine isn't as bad as many people think. It all depends on who you are spending your time locked in with. (Y/N) knew it pretty well, 'cos she had been locked with her husband, Matthew Gray Gubler, in their shared house for the last month.

And even when most people were sick and tired of being home, (Y/N)and Matthew managed to keep themselves busy and mentally sane. In fact, you could feel more stressed considering there was a pandemic and no one could see their loved ones and friends. But being with Matthew made it all so much bearable.

Considering Gubler's job kept him busy most of the time during a normal year and that he didn't have many chances to be home the way he was now, he enjoyed it.

Sleeping in was heaven. And the fact he could stay in, wearing pajama and kimonos, just enjoying his wife's company, was what he needed.

He didn't realize he needed to take a break after years of hard work until he was forced to do it. And god, it felt good.

(Y/N) would keep herself busy writing and reading while Matthew painted and draw by her side.

Their daily activities included: trying new recipes at least three times each week. Gubler would always come with some random exotic dish he always wanted to recreate. And six of eight times, he nailed it.

They would also spend a day in their pajamas doing nothing. Usually, it was Sundays. That was their official cuddles day. Just movies, ice cream, and cuddles.

Matthew also started teaching (Y/N) some magic tricks. She had insisted a few times, but he was very reluctant to do it at first.

- "A magician never shares his tricks, Bunny"- he argued for days.

- "Ok, but what if I am a magician too? Then it would be ok?"

(Y/N) was sitting on his lap, playing with some curls of his hair between her fingers. They were in their backyard, having a picnic. They had set a blanket and had some cookies (Y/N) had baked, along with two tall ice coffee Matthew had prepared, with an obscene amount of whipped cream.

- "And how are you planning to be a magician if you don't know any trick?"- he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

- "Just because you haven't taught me any trick doesn't mean I don't know any!"- she answered, pretending to be insulted.

- "My wife can do magic, and she never told me?"

- "There are a lot of things about your wife you still don't know"- (Y/N) teased and smiled at him.

- "Bunny, we are locked in this house until further notice. I think I have enough time to find out all those things I haven't seen in the last years."

(Y/N) had finally convinced him when she showed him a simple card trick her father had taught her when she was a kid. Gubler got so excited he even presided a ceremony to name her an official magician and invited their friends to be part of it via zoom. Everybody enjoyed their magic tricks and shared a good hour of fun and laughter with them, just like they would do live.

It felt good to be with their loved ones, even if it was just online.

That gave Matthew an idea.

- "Hey, Bunny!"- he walked into the kitchen holding his phone, scrolling down his Instagram feed.

- "What is it, honey?"- (Y/N) asked him as she kept chopping vegetables for dinner.

- "I was thinking maybe I should start doing Instagram live streamings with the fans. Maybe do some magic tricks, tell jokes. I don't know."- (Y/N) raised his eyes from the food and smiled.

- "Sounds awesome! when do you wanna start?"

- "Now?"- he answered a little hesitant

- "And what do you have in mind?"

- "Maybe answering questions and asking them if hanging out via Instagram is something they'd like to do."

(Y/N) chuckled and walked to her husband, pinching his cheeks, making him giggle.

- "You are so adorable, Gub. Like anyone wouldn't love to hang out with you."- he blushed and shook his head.

- "Ok, I'm gonna do it here anyway."

- "While I'm cooking?"- (Y/N) looked confused

- "Yes, I want you near so you can stop me when I start rambling"- (Y/N) laughed and kissed her husband's lips sweetly.

- "I can't stop your rambling, Gubler. But I can mute the video"- she teased, and he pecked her lips, chuckling.

- "Just stop me when I start saying anything embarrassing."

- "Deal."

No one could say Matthew Gray Gubler didn't care about his fans. He was committed to being always nice to anyone who would ask for a picture or an autograph. Why? Because nothing made him happier than making people happy. And if his job gave people joy, he honestly felt his life had a purpose.

That's why he enjoyed his improvised IG stream so much. He just sat on a couch nearby the kitchen and started talking with fans, answering questions.

- "Where am I spending my quarantine? Here is my hunted treehouse. I don't think I had ever been home this much, and it's been awesome."- Gubler stood up and started walking around the room.

- "Who am I spending it with? my gorgeous wife, of course,"- he said and pointed the phone at (Y/N), who was still cooking dinner. She simply waved and smiled

- "She is making sure I eat proper food now... Bunny, people are asking what you are cooking."

- "Pad thai"- she answered with a huge grin- "Gubler's request for tonight's dinner."

- "Maybe we could make a cooking class one day,"- Matthew suggested, and the screen started filling with "YES!!" immediately- "I could teach people how to burn every pan in the house, and you can cook."

(Y/N) nodded, laughing.

- "You can teach everybody how to make the best hotcakes."- (Y/N) answered and walked away from the phone.

It wasn't that she didn't like being part of her husband's activities, but she figured she wasn't really that important. Fans were there to see him, not her.

But Matthew followed her.

- "Yeah! I'll make my famous chocolate chip hotcakes, and you will have to top them!"- (Y/N) laughed and looked at her husband, raising an eyebrow.

- "Battle of the hotcakes?"

- "Yes!"

- "Set a time and a place, and I'll be there"- (Y/N) put her hands in her waist and raised an eyebrow, looking as serious as she could fake it.

- "Tomorrow, noon, here in our kitchen, because we can't leave the house,"- Gubler answered and mimicked his wife's attitude, still streaming everything.

- "Bring it, Gub."

And just like that, another livestream was scheduled.

The next day, at noon, Matthew streamed the funniest hotcake competition there had ever been seen by humankind. At least that's what he described.

- "Let's say it's a tie"- Gubbler decided and finished the last piece of hotcake in his dish- "I'll leave a poll in my stories so you can decide what you wanna see in tomorrow's live."

- "Really?"- (Y/N) asked, surprised- "Which are the options?"

- "Magic tricks or... I don't know. I didn't think this through"- he answered, making his wife giggle.

- "Maybe you could make a Rumple reading"- and Gubler's eye brightened at the idea

- "With my Rumple costume?"

- "I don't see why not"- Gubler looked at the screen and grinned like a kid.

- "Ok, you'll decide, magic classes or Rumple reading."

It was a draw. That's why Gubler did a Rumple reading the next day and decided to prepare a magic class with his wife for later that week.

His followers were having a blast with each one of their streams. Matthew would always try to take a step back and let his wife shine in front of everybody. He thought she was so funny the world needed to see more of her.

And (Y/N) always tried to be the best sidekick for her husband. Helping him make his streamings as fun as possible.

For the Rumple reading, Matthew sat in an armchair by the fireplace, dressed like Rumple, and read the whole book, impersonating voices and everything. Then, (Y/N) read the questions from the fans, and Matthew answered everything.

Gubler dressed like a classic magician for their magic streaming, and his wife was his assistant, helping him with each trick.

And by the end of the week, the people picked Q&A streaming with the two of them. It was the Friday "Chilling with the Gubs special."

- "Your girl is about to steal the whole show"- Shemar called Matthew that week and made him laugh- "She's the best part of the whole stream."

- "Don't flirt with my wife!"- he answered and chuckled.

- "I'm just saying she has a lot of potentials. She should try to do some stand-up comedy."

Gubler loved that comment, though. He knew his wife was awesome, and he wanted the world to know. As simple as that.

- "Ok, Bunny, ready to answer some questions?"- Gubler set the phone in front of them as they sat in their backyard. One more time, they had set a blanket in their favorite spot. And they had cookies and coffee.

- "Hit it!"

It was fun to do those things together. (Y/N) had never been one to be in the spotlight, but she loved being with Matthew. And if he was happy, so was she.

And it took only a second to see how happy Matthew was. He beamed each time he looked at his wife by his side.

- "Ok, this is a good one. What did we have for breakfast today?"- (Y/N) read and chuckled.

- "Good question. Waffles. (Y/N) made waffles, and I ate five, with ice cream. I'm gonna get so fat in quarantine"- the actor answered and felt his wife's hand in his hair.

- "What's your next project"- (Y/N) read- "Oh! that's a good one!"

- "But I won't say anything about it,"- Gubler answered and chuckled- "You'll have to stay tuned."

- "But I can assure you, it's amazing,"- (Y/N) added smiling- "How did you two meet"- the couple looked at each other and giggled.

- "At a party in my best friend's house"- she answered- "She was dating one of Matthew's friends, and they had a huge celebration when they moved in together."

- "And when I saw her, I knew I had to talk to her, but her friends didn't leave her alone."

- "Why didn't you just walked over and talked to me anyway?"- (Y/N) asked and crossed her arms on her chest

- "Because they were intimidating! and I am a shy guy!"- he explained- "I had to wait until you walked away to get yourself a drink to talk to you finally!"

- "You literally appeared by my side as soon as I walked away from them"- (Y/N) laughed, remembering the moment- "It was so funny!"

- "Hey! it might have been my only chance! I needed to take it!"- Matthew held her hand and played with her fingers, thinking he was glad non of that was in the camera angle.

- "And it worked"- (Y/N) answered and smiled at her husband, thinking as soon as that livestream was over, she was going to have a serious make out session with him

- "I'm glad it did. Quarantine would suck without you."

Gubler answered and smiled, thinking as soon as that stream was over, he was going to jump on her and kiss every inch of her body, just because she looked so beautiful that day.

- "Are you guys planning on having kids?"- (Y/N) read and turned all kinds of pink. There was a silence between the couple as they just looked at each other and shrugged.

- "We'd make cute babies"- Matthew answered- "And we could clearly keep them entertained."

(Y/N) laughed and shook her head.

- "We are not streaming that!!"

- "What?"

- "The baby-making part!"- she joked, and Gubler blushed, laughing and falling back on the blanket.

- "That idea never crossed my mind!"

- "I had to say it! Just in case"- (Y/N) argued and chuckled.

She had thought about having babies in the last few months. But getting pregnant during a pandemic didn't sound like a good idea.

Or was it?

- "Ok, everybody. We are signing out for today"- Gubler announced and waved at the camera- "Take care, stay in your house this weekend, and we'll come back maybe next week."

- "Maybe people can suggest what they'd like to see"- (Y/N) said and looked at Gubler, smiling back at her.

- "I'll leave the option in one of my stories so that you can leave your suggestions. See you!!"

The livestream was over. Gubler left his phone aside and looked at his wife. She was sipping her coffee and fidgeting with her fingers on the fabric of her jeans.

- "We would make cute babies, though,"- Matthew whispered and watched her beam at those words. That was all he needed to know.

- "You would spoil them so much"- (Y/N) replied, giggling.

- "Only because they will be just like you, and I love to spoil you so much"- he opened his arms, and (Y/N) leaned in, resting her body against his.

- "So... do you wanna have a baby Gub?"- she whispered against his chest- her voice was muffled, but he heard her clearly.

- "I think I do. You?"- Gubler answered, feeling his heart beating faster.

- "Me too."

(Y/N) muttered and giggled. Matthew looked at her and leaned in a little closer, kissing her lips sweetly.

It was a massive step for them, and they were very excited to do it.

- "Do you wanna start now?"- Matthew suggested, and (Y/N) blushed immediately- "I mean... I was going to suggest sex before, but now..."

- "The sooner, the better, Gubler,"- (Y/N) replied and bit her lips- "After all, we are gonna have to do a lot of practice before we succeed."

[kimtaejin]

La Luxure (m.)

↳ Thank you to @kim-seok-jin for the beautiful banner and dividers, and to @chillingtae​ for helping her with it! ^^

Heartbroken and done with relationships, Y/N decides to vent about her breakup to the sweetest bartender. Yet just a glance in his dark eyes is enough to tell her that maybe, just maybe she won’t spend the night crying for an ex-boyfriend, but drowning in her lust for him instead.

↠ Pairing: Jungkook × f.reader

↠ Word Count: 10.9k

↠ Genres: Angst, smut, fluff, (slight) crack (if you squint)

↠ Rating: 18+

↠ Trigger Warnings: Breakups and toxic relationship, cheating, swearing, physical fight, drama, alcohol, oral (m&f receiving), unprotected sex, hinted voyeurism, one night stand, long foreplay, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, spanking, degrading, creampie

⇢ This story was written as a birthday gift to @rubinora. We hope you had an amazing day! :D ⇠

Soojin: Y/N come quick.

You take a deep breath. I’m almost there, Soojin, I’m almost there. The sound of your footsteps against the pavement is the only thing you hear. You would’ve made it. You would’ve made it in time if it wasn’t for your pesky co-workers.

To the usual person, it is a cool Friday night. 

To you, it is one of the worst days of your life.

… Or maybe you wouldn’t go as far as to call it that. Maybe, in the future, you would even call this one of your good days.

But for now? 

You smile bitterly, uncaring who sees. Right now- there’s nothing more you want to do than scream. Yell. Anything to take away the fury and pain burning bright in your chest.

Your eyes fall on a couple as you pass them by, reminding you of the reason you’re out in the streets this late at night, instead of relaxing at home. 

Jihyuk. 

Your boyfriend. 

Someone you had a deep admiration for. Someone you loved. 

Someone who doesn’t feel the same way anymore. 

It had all started when you had seen him come home hours later than usual. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. You told yourself that he must be out in town with his friends while you were at work, since he must’ve been bored alone. Because the deal is, he wasn’t employed. He had neither a job nor a penny in his bank account.

And that’s where you helped him. You were the worker. You put a roof over his head, you were the reason he had food on the plate everyday. You were there when he needed to buy anything. It felt more like you were a single parent providing for a child rather than a real, romantic relationship. And that should’ve been more than enough of a reason to leave him but you didn’t. 

And now you regret it.

The next thing that came were the hickies on his neck. Purple bruises put on display, with his flushed cheeks- sometimes he was even drunk. Still, you helped him. Still, you gave him the benefit of a doubt, even when his ears turned red when you asked him if he was lying about just hanging out with friends.

Because there was no point in asking and answering. You already knew what he was doing, already saw the truth in his eyes. 

And somehow still, everytime your friends would show you Jihyuk kissing some other girl, every time they’d tell you that they saw him out with some chick, you’d tell them they had to be seeing things. That the pictures could be photoshopped. Or maybe this was just a joke to make you dump him. But those things weren’t things you were saying to them, as much as it was to yourself, to convince your mind that what you saw or heard wasn’t it. It wasn’t the truth. 

The truth is everything that has yet to be revealed today.

And at this point, you had gotten over the crying, the weeping, the sorrow and the regret. What is left is the anger- the feeling of being used. 

You had given him everything, literally everything, only for him to treat you like some side doll. It hurt then. It hurt even now. It hurt a lot, especially on those nights, when you’d greet him after he came home, the smell of perfume thick on his body, lips bitten and swollen, cheeks red and flushed.

“Do you want dinner?” you’d ask, your eyes wandering anywhere but his face. 

“Uh, no, I’m full. I ate out with friends, one of them treated the group.” 

Lies. So many lies, told just so you’d keep him under your wing, protected and financially secured. 

You smile widely even though inside, your heart wrenches. Why couldn’t he just tell you? It wasn’t like he thought you hadn’t noticed his aloof behaviour. How it affected you in turn.

Or did he? Maybe, he just thought that you were actually that dumb.

Maybe you really were that ignorant.

“Oh... okay. Well... I still have to eat,” you waited for this douche. You can’t believe it. Starved yourself so you could eat dinner with him when he probably was out with a girl. “So… do you want to talk as I eat?”

“Uhm,” his eyes met yours for a moment before he turned them away. “Uh- babe, I’m sorry… I’m tired after the long day, so,” he gave you a small smile. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “If you really want, I can go, but uh, let me take a shower first? Honestly… my, uh, friends can be so rowdy… I’m exhausted, but I guess you were waiting for me and all…”

You bit your lip as the warring thoughts of indignation, and yet also guilt filled you. “No- no, nevermind. If you’re tired,” you clenched your fists, “you should- go rest now.” 

“Are you sure, babe? I wouldn’t want you to think I was avoiding you. Maybe I should-”

“No! No, I told you, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re the only person who understands and loves me best,” he praised you- and you felt a spark of fury, of hate and love grow in your chest. Was that all he could say to you? “See you tomorrow, then,” he said, his smile fainting away before walking past you to the bedroom. You stared at him until he left, until you couldn’t see him anymore as his silhouette disappeared upstairs. 

The next day went similarly. You had arrived at your empty home.

Why?

Then there were days where you felt a little too insecure and asked him instead. 

“Baby, are you… cheating on me?” 

His body froze. He didn’t say anything for a moment, sitting on the couch as you had begged him a little earlier to watch a K-drama with you. Maybe it would’ve made the relationship a little better. Maybe you could’ve bonded. But he only seemed to be interested on his phone screen.

“What makes you say that?” Still, his eyes did not lift up to look at you. 

“Eun says she saw you with this girl,” you muttered quietly, so quietly that you thought he wouldn’t have heard it. But he did. “She must have seen someone else,” he replied in a nonchalant manner.

“But it really looked like you, she said…”

“Do you believe her over me?” You watched him as he finally looked at you. “I’m your boyfriend, for God’s sake,” you bit your lip, then sighed heavily. It didn’t let all the words escape you. “I know, but…”

“If you want to end this relationship, I won’t stop you. But just know, you won’t find a better guy than me. After all, here I am, taking the time to watch with you, and you accuse me of cheating?” 

Maybe you won’t find someone better. But even so, you knew that you didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve the late nights, wondering where he was, why he wasn’t home, if you’d done something wrong. No, you deserved better- and even if that better wasn’t from someone else, it certainly wouldn’t be from him. 

Jihyuk huffed before standing up, wearing his coat and moments later, you heard the front door open and close. Moments of silence filled the room. You waited for Jihyuk expectantly, waiting for it to open and reveal him, but it didn’t. 

“I wish I didn’t meet you.”

You are so over it. You are so over him. 

You and Soojin had decided to catch him in the act. Your best friend had come up with the plan, and initially you had been in denial of it. But you had to end this cycle. You were so tired of it, of the constant stress you had to live with, of the burden that you weren’t supposed to carry.

You chose to set him up. If he agreed to Soojin’s advances, you were going to catch him red-handed and break it off right there and then. 

And he had done exactly what you didn’t want him to. 

Of course he had. You should’ve caught onto him a long time ago, but you really were a fool. And now that disgusted you. Hate intended for him enveloped you for your own self. 

Walking into the dim-lit club, you are greeted by the sight of bodies pushing up against each other on the dance floor, the faint smell of alcohol lingering everywhere you step, and a bar, shining the brightest in the place. Silhouettes with their lips’ on one another, people drinking down glasses of liquor by each second that passed. A part of you is disgusted that Jihyuk took Soojin to a club, and the other isn’t surprised at all. No wonder the marks on his neck, his swollen lips.

Y/N: I’m here.

Soojin: Ok I’m in the bathroom hiding he was getting too close

Y/N: Right... lets meet up at the bar then.

Soojin: Ok!

Walking swiftly to the bar, you hope Jihyuk doesn’t see you, though in the wild crowd, you know he likely won’t.  

You search for a familiar face as you reach the bar. Your eyes wander and land on the blonde that seems to be looking slightly lost. 

“Soojin!” You call out and walk over to her, knowing fully well what is next. “Where is he?”

“Follow me,” you hear her voice above the loud music. Her disheveled figure makes its way to the seats. You can barely see her in the dark place, if not for the neon lightings flashing here and there.

You take a deep breath in.

Under a stray lighting, you catch sight of the hair you used to so fondly caress. Another one beside it, too close for them to be anything but sitting close, closer than friends, and definitely strangers. A few steps closer and you’d be close enough to see them clearly, close enough to catch him cheating perfectly.

Your heart feels numb, for a moment, contrary to before, but- 

Three.

It’s funny how you can hear your heels echoing even in this noisy club. Or maybe that’s the beating of your heart.

Two.

Thinking back on everything that you’d gone through with him, if there’s any emotion that you think you should be feeling right now, it’s disbelief. Why? Did all the tender touches, all the kisses, all the ‘I love you’s mean nothing then?

It must, or else this wouldn’t be happening at all. One.

Yet even so, your ever traitorous heart still weeps at the sight before you, as your gazes both match.

Jihyuk’s eyes widen as he sees you. His lips are pressed to the side of a girl’s neck, and even under the dim lighting, you can see the dark splotches of color on her pale skin. The girl beside him whimpers, leaning in closer, seeking his touches, the way he used to make you feel oh so good, your mind whispers.

He only pushes her away, frozen in place as he locks you down with guilt in his eyes. 

The loud, deafening music somehow doesn’t matter anymore.

“Y/N,” his voice can barely be heard, but for someone like you who’s watched him utter your name with adoration before, you hear him perfectly. 

"Well… I guess I’m not that surprised.” Your words are dry, devoid of feeling. Your fists are clenched. Your smile is wry. “What do you have to say for yourself?" you are going to do this quick, you tell yourself. But the crowd of people overhearing the matter already have their eyes on you. 

As it is, even people lost in the rhythm of the club’s music are interested in your confrontation, bodies stopping in motion, only for strange eyes to stare at you with curiosity instead. 

It’s scary. You can’t do this, a part of you wants to say- but how long has it been since you’ve kissed someone and felt the butterflies dance in your stomach, telling a tale so similar to the one of your lips? How long has it been since you’ve wanted to do something like that?

Your heart burns.

Truth be told, too long. Too fucking long. You’ve spent too much time in misery for you to turn your back on the person that brought you it. You want to be free. Breathe air without feeling suffocated, sleep without having to think about a person being next to you as you do so.

Free, at last. 

“I-” he tries to speak, but you look at him quietly, face devoid of any emotion, only your lips tightening a clue to your current mood.

“Don’t you feel like shit? Leaving me alone on those nights when I actually put a roof over your head, when I’m the main reason you get to eat food every day? Why did you do this to me?” 

You know you sound desperate. Here he is, clearly in the arms of another, yet you’re asking him, staring at him, waiting for an answer, an excuse, but he is able to give none. It only makes it all the worse, it only makes you gasp for more air, because each time he doesn’t reply, the walls get tighter and tighter.

“Fuck, if you wanted someone to give you a good time in bed, why couldn’t it have been me? We were in a relationship!” you exclaim. More people are gathering around, but at this point, you can’t care less.

“Could you not control yourself for once?! Do you have no shame coming home each day smelling like sex? Do you not love me?” The last words leave you as a whisper, your voice choked up and your tone vulnerable. It is evident he didn’t love you, if he did then he wouldn’t have done this. But you still wanted to ask. In case there was the smallest chance that he would give you something to hold onto.

“What about the times that you lied? Do you have no heart?” A single tear slips down your cheek. 

Fuck. You hate this.

Seconds pass, and nothing but his silence answers you. And when he does- it does nothing but rile you even further.

“Babe…” There’s the guilt in his eyes, that’s true, but it’s eclipsed by the panic, the way he’s obviously trying to assuage your anger. Instead of just admitting it. Instead of asking for your forgiveness.

Not that you would at this point, even if he begged on his knees.

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” he winces and you sharply smile.

“What, you can, but I can’t? Besides, shouldn’t I be the one telling you that? There I was, wondering where my boyfriend was, someone without a job staying out so late without even a message,” you laugh, as though the entire matter is funny to you, but anyone can easily hear the mockery in your voice. “Then I find out he’s in a club, busy whoring himself out.”

He bristles at that, guilt fading into anger as he stands up. “I’m whoring myself out?”

“Well, what else would you call it? You certainly don’t have any money, after all, not even to afford partying at this club. Isn’t that right? Isn’t that why you ask me for money?” At that, you turn to face his previously ignored companion. Seeing the surprise and growing disgust against your soon-to-be-ex, you ask her gently. It’s all too obvious she didn’t know, after all. And as angry as you are, you won’t blame her for something that’s not her fault.

“Miss, dare I ask, did he have you pay for the drinks?”

She startles, but answers you steadily after a moment. “No, not at the start… but he did insist we pay for our own drinks, and then later on, he told me he left his wallet at home…” Realization colors her features as he reddens in embarrassment and anger. “That asshole, I must have spent more than a hundred dollars by now!”

“Tsk, tsk,” you mockingly shake your head at him, a part of you roaring at the highly humiliated look on his face. Just a glance downwards, and you can see how his fists are clenched, perhaps as tight as yours, veins already bulging out. Just a little more, and you could get him to explode. “Here I was, all but raising you, looking after you and feeding you, taking care of you, and you can’t even learn to have basic decency. Maybe I should feel ashamed, after all… more than being a couple in a relationship, our relationship turned more like mother and son, didn’t it?”

At the very end of your words, you raise your head, laughing. Jihyuk’s face colors to the point that it’s almost violet, and you feel vindictive satisfaction fill you.

“Y/N, you bitch!”

“What,” you scoff. “Did I say something wrong?”

If glares could kill, Jihyuk’s would have long gutted you, but it doesn’t, so you continue to hold your head high, smiling nonchalantly. 

His next words make you hiss.

“If you weren’t always so busy, I wouldn’t have to look for someone else. When you came home, you never want to have sex with me, so why is it my fault if I look for someone else, huh!?”

You feel the flames inside you consume you even further, raging inside you and there’s nothing you can do to help relieve yourself of it. Before you know it, you’re stepping forward, arms being raised-

All you want is to make him hurt, like he did you, even if it’s only a fraction of what he’s made you feel. That motherfucker, daring to place the blame on you!?

Hell no.

Hitting him all that matters at the moment- that’s all that runs through your head- but then you suddenly find yourself unable to move, restrained. When you look back, you see Soojin’s face, twisted in worry. 

“Soojin, please, let me go!” You hiss furiously, struggling in her hold, trying to get away. Yet, to her credit, Soojin keeps a tight hold on you, not letting you take another step forward. “Are you seriously stopping me from hitting him!? Are you taking his side!?” You ask her in disbelief, even if you know it’s not like that.

“Y/N, I’m not!” Immediately she shakes her head, yet she doesn’t let you go. “But you know you can’t start this here, you-” she bites down on her red lip, shaking her head. “You can’t. Please, you know he’s crazy, what if he hurts you!”

It doesn’t matter, I’m already hurt where it matters most anyway! You want to shout at her, but then you change your mind, glaring at the man you were once stupid enough to call yours.

“If I was ever busy, or tired, I hope you realize that it was always for you! And if I didn’t want to have sex, what did that have to do with you cheating!? Do promises mean nothing to you!? I never asked you for anything more than you being faithful to me, even when you kept asking me for money, even when you lived free at my house, even when you made me into your personal bank and caretaker! You asshole, motherfucker, I hope you rot in hell where cheaters like you belong!”

“Shut up!” He yells back at you, beginning to step forward, and Soojin is dragging you away- but you hold your ground. Let him come, if he wants-

“Shut up!? How can I when I’m not even done yelling about what you did! What, are you ashamed now!?” Only a step away. “How can there be someone as stupid as you who dares to cheat but can’t admit they did!?” His hand raised, curled into a fist. “Not only that, you just took advantage of me because I loved you! You no good, lying, coward-”

You see his punch descending down on you now, yet still you stubbornly look up at him, gritting your teeth. You won’t say sorry, if he wants to punch you, then let him punch you. 

Yet still, at the last second, your eyes shut by themselves. You’re angry, yes, you’re furious, but it doesn’t take away the fact that you’re well aware Jihyuk’s stronger, and you’ve never been punched before-

A second passes. You feel nothing. Not the feel of his hand against your face, not the harsh, stinging pain that’d come with it, not the screams of Soojin as she cried.

Two seconds pass. Time is a mere fraction of what it used to be, and yet it’s slowly returning to you as you open your eyes, realizing you were seemingly waiting for nothing at all.

Three seconds pass. Your eyes land on the stranger holding Jihyuk’s wrist with a strong grip, brows furrowed with an intimidating scowl on his face. You step back out of fear.

“I assume, when you came in, you knew the rules of this bar,” the stranger says, voice low, a certain weight behind his every word. “No starting fights. What makes you think you’re an exception to that?”

“Let me go!” Jihyuk hisses, struggling to free his arm from the stranger, yet the other just easily holds him back. “Fuck, you heard what that bitch said about me!?”

“You mean, your ex?” The stranger sighs. “I don’t know if you’re just as stupid as she said you were, if you don’t realize that it’s your fault-”

Whatever he says next, you don’t hear, as you take this advantage to step forward-

-and slap Jihyuk as hard you can. 

Your palms immediately sting, but you can’t be bothered to care about that, not when you see the bright red imprint left behind on his face, and the stunned look on his face. Grinning viciously, you hiss at him.

“That’s just a part of the pain you owe me, but considering you’re too dumb to understand something as simple as respect, I’ll just take this as payment.”

“From now on, I want you to fuck off and never appear in front of me again.”

The ringing silence that follows makes you feel like you can finally breathe again.

“... Satisfied?” The unknown man raises a brow at you- and your heart skips a beat for the first time in a while as you swallow, finally calming down a little... It’s loud, crashing, dizzying all at once but you nod at him. Your hands are trembling. You’re about ready to cry but still.

The rest of the words your now ex screams out blur out into the background as Soojin thanks the stranger, leading you away.

The rest of the events happen in what feels to be a flashback you get as you’re taking a sip of beer from the cup leisurely.

The stranger, Jungkook, he had told you his name, was told by your best friend about the problem. He called security, but came first to mediate just in case. After that, he let them take care of Jihyuk. The crowd around you dispersed upon finding out that the scene you had created was over, and Soojin went home after giving you the tightest hug someone had given you in a while now. 

Though she tried to persuade you to go home too, you were in obviously no mood to go home- where every inch of the walls was filled with the presence of your- your ex.

It was only after a lot of convincing and reassuring her that you were safe with Jungkook did she leave, her own baby calling for her.

And you stayed at the bar, quietly watching Jungkook work.

During that time, you find out that he’s, overall, a nice guy. He has a cute smile that shows off his teeth perfectly, dark hair that you could imagine him brushing through with his hand, and the cutest, biggest eyes you’ve seen, like a deer caught in the headlights. Adorable.

What surprises you is that he works as a bartender at this place. Which does make sense now that you think about it. But between your dunk mind and slurred words, every little piece of logic is thrown aside.

He had asked if you wanted him to walk you home. You being… well, you, denied almost immediately. Tonight seemed like a good night to get wasted, after all.

“Whatever you say… but you do have the keys to your apartment, right?” the dark-haired man asks, face resting on his hand. He blinks at you under the bright lights of the bar, staring as you take another sip of the alcohol. “Just so your ex doesn’t get in?”

“Of course, I locked it too,” you roll your eyes slightly, glare set on the table below you as you seethe, remembering him. “He’s probably gonna stay at some friend’s place for the night, the jerk. I hope he does, all his friends live miles away. I took the car keys so he can’t drive either, only either walk or take a cab. And considering he barely has any money left...”

You smirk.

A fleeting smile touches on Jungkook’s face as he regards you with awe. “Huh. I guess you put more to your plan than just charging in and breaking up with him, huh?”

“I’m heartbroken, not stupid. It’s an emotional stupidity, not a mental one.”

You huff, once again laying your head back on the cool glass of the table. Fuck, you’re tired. Not just emotionally, but also physically. The night’s events leave you wanting nothing but to stay and drink your sorrows away, uncaring in which bed you’ll be waking up tomorrow.

After all, it’s not like you’ve been to any besides your own for the past few months. Maybe that will bring you some variety at least. The thought makes you laugh bitterly, and in turn down another glass of alcohol.

You hear someone sigh beside you.

“...Right,” he mutters in response, eyes widening shortly after you take another huge gulp of your drink. You suppose, if anything, Jungkook knows how to make delicious drinks. “Don’t drink too much, Y/N, you’re already-” you watch with droopy eyes as he reaches out to you, your head only propped up by your elbow, before stopping with a sigh. “You’re already drunk.”

Ignoring him momentarily, you finish your drink, savoring the taste.

“Sh-shhhuddap,” you slur, the end of your words becoming a sigh. You set the cup aside, only for your head to plop back onto the bar table, a deep breath making your chest rise up- then down. Jungkook frowns at your small figure laying over the bar, the frown forming into a quiet pout.

“Let me… lemme just drink a little bit more, m-m’kay? ’ll jus…jus’ drink ‘nough to not f-feel...”

Whatever words you’re about to say dissolve into incoherent mumblings as you yawn, feeling the effects of numerous glasses of alcohol finally taking their toll on you.

“‘Night, Kook...”

When you wake up, your surroundings are awfully quiet, awfully dark. That is, until you rub your eyes and can see straight. Jungkook’s body comes into view, hand shaking you awake. His low whispers are barely addressed by your ears, and you numb them out until he kneels down to meet eye to eye with you.

Then a sweet smile plays on his lips, and wow. 

For a moment, you wonder if this is what heaven feels like.

Then he flicks your forehead, and you’re hurtled back to earth.

“Good, you’re finally awake,” he remarks, smile turning wry on his face. You pout in response, getting up. Your head hurts, it hurts bad, and there seems to be nothing you can do about it as you lean over the bar for support. 

“So… urgh, so tired… feeling sick,” you utter beneath your breath, sighing when you realize Jungkook heard it. 

“Why’d you even get wasted then? You’ll have to deal with it now,” he frowns, patting your back. 

“You don’t get it, dumbass. I’m trying not to remember my ex?” you cross your arms, eyes wandering the place.

The club’s a lot less crowded now, barely any people left except for the ones who are cleaning it up. The music is quieter, playing softly in the background as you turn to Jungkook. Closing time already, you guess.

“... sorry,” you finally say, feeling remorse make space in your heart. “I don’t mean to be so crabby, but fuck, I just feel-” You scrunch up your nose as you try to mull over what you say next. “Actually, I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Except- what the fuck was I thinking, letting it go on for so long?”

Jungkook hums, shrugging. “Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has their own stupid moments. I completely understand.”

“Yeah, and mine lasted for god knows how many years,” you grumble.

For a moment he pauses, and you watch him put away bottles.

“You know, you fell asleep quickly earlier,” he suddenly mentions, making you flush. Ah. Right.

“Oh… yeah, I’m sorry about that,” you sigh. “I must’ve caused you a lot of trouble, having to look after me while you’re also busy with your work.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he shakes his head. “You just broke up with your boyfriend of how many years again?”

“Besides,” he continues, smiling. “If anything, your performance earlier more than made up for it. His face when you slapped him was hilarious.”

That startles a laugh out of you. “It was, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “... You looked amazing then too.”

“Thanks. … to be honest, just a single slap wasn’t enough, so I definitely had to make it count,” you say, scoffing at the end. 

“Yeah, I figured,” the hint of laughter in his voice makes even you smile. “You didn’t yell at him enough, huh?”

“Nope,” you emphatically shake your head. “Which is a shame, because let me tell you- I have a whole speech in my head for him and his douche-assery. I didn’t even touch on the other major fuck ups he did!”

At that, he really does laugh, and you can’t help grinning yourself. “No, I mean it! I was hyping myself up all evening, but then when I actually saw him, my head blanked and- damn it, I should have let him have it even more in front of all those people,” you dramatically groan.

A smile forms on Jungkook’s face, even his eyes curved into a pair of crescent moons and somehow, it makes you somehow feel better just by looking at it.

“Well, there’s only the two of us left inside now, but if you want, I’ll listen to your speech,” he nonchalantly states. 

“What, really?”

“Really.” He takes a deep breath, turning your body around so you completely face him. “C’mon, shout at me. Vent. I’m the bartender, I’ll listen. Besides, I’m curious to hear how terrible this guy was that you went so far to set him up.”

Reluctantly listening to the alcohol, you sigh before you start listing off all the reasons for why you’ve never felt okay with your relationship with Jihyuk. Jungkook hums and nods along in all the right pauses, quietly telling you to continue.

“... and not just that, he never came home when I needed him most, ghosted me on dates, forgot our anniversary two years in a row, made me break off friendships, never once paid for his own food, never made me cum even once. Like, what a dick!? And I mean the bad kind, not the good one-”

“Wait wait wait…” Jungkook raises a brow, stopping you. “He- He never… made you cum? Not even once?” He stares at you in bewilderment, shaking his head with a smile of disbelief. “He must’ve really had it good,” he crosses his arms. 

“I know, right,” you moan. “What was past me thinking? At this point, I don’t think any man will ever treat me right.” 

The man shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe the next one will.” 

You feel the urge to laugh at the ridiculous statement, though you hold it back. “You’re kidding, right? I’m never getting a boyfriend ever again,” you huff, shaking your head in disapproval. “Boys, pfft- no, thank you.”

Jungkook only turns his back to you in response, walking to the stools of the bar. He huffs loudly as he sits back down, and you can barely contain your laughter before it bursts out of you, ringing loud in the club. Nudging him by the arm to get his attention, you try your best to turn him around, but when he doesn’t, you move to sit next to him instead, on the bartop. The cool glass makes you initially shiver, but you don’t let it show.

“Did you say something?” You grin as you look at him, at the way he rolls his eyes just a little. “I know I heard you say something.”

“It was nothing,” he scoffs.

“Come on,” you cajole him. “You listened to me earlier and let me rant. I’m not going to laugh or be snarky, I swear.”

A moment passes, while you wait for him to speak up. At this point, the silence of the bar is comfortable, though while you look around, you see that no one else is left inside but the two of you.

“...-y’know?”

You look back at him. “Hm?”

“I think it’s just a little sad to declare that every guy out there is hopeless, because of one jerk,” he repeats, back turned to you as he fiddles with the display case.

You lean back on the bartop. “I guess so,” you say. “But it’s true that it’s disillusioning. I used to have high expectations when the relationship started, you know- but now that I ended it, it’s like- what happened? When did my expectations get so low? I deserve better, you know?”

“But it didn’t seem that way to me then. He seemed so great, so amazing… and now here we are. It scares me a little to think that I might fall for someone, only to find out how much of a jerk they are years down the road.”

“But you’ve got to try again, don’t you?” He softly says. “After all, you said it yourself. You deserve better.”

At that, he finally faces you - before glancing down and turning away just as quickly.

“Eventually, though,” he clarifies, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. “I’m not saying you should right now. Just that you shouldn’t give up on love.”

You chuckle softly. “Alright, alright, I get it.”

Quiet fills the room again, a comfortable one. You watch Jungkook clean the last of the bar, wiping the surfaces and glasses.

And as you do, you can’t help but think of something a little too inappropriate.

‘I wonder how it’d feel to ride him.’

Okay, maybe it’s absolutely inappropriate. But it’s not your fault, you tell yourself. Not when Jungkook looks that good. Clad in a neat outfit with a silk black vest and a cute bow tie around his neck, he seemed as though he was a five star meal- and you feel yourself starving.

It really doesn’t help that you haven’t had sex in months, nor have you orgasmed in that time. You need release, one way or another.

Still, it’s bad form to ask him, this kind bartender who literally was just consoling you moments ago from a nasty break up if he wants to fuck, so you try to keep the thought down, but-

You extend your leg, toes barely brushing against his back, watching as he shudders at your touch.

Oh?

You bite your lips to stop yourself from grinning.

“Hey Jungkook… why aren’t you facing me?” “I-I need to clean up the bar,” he huffs, but you hear the slight stammer in his voice, and oh, does it make you feel even bolder.

“Yeah,” you nonchalantly respond, “but you’d think you could at least try to appear like you’re listening to me, especially when we were having such a good chat.”

“You-” He stops, sighing, and you goad him even further, slowly feeling more sure the longer he hesitates.When he turns around- finally- you laugh as you slide your arms to rest on his shoulders, trapping him in front of you.

Furthermore, you cross your legs, a daring smirk on your face as you lean forward and over him close, close enough that as you look down at him, the tip of your noses brush against each other. The slight tremors that you elicit out of him at this close range doesn’t escape your notice, and you feel a rush of giddiness fill you up.

“You know, you were so insistent earlier, when we talked about what I deserved. But considering my past experiences, that feels a little hard to believe… do you think you can convince me otherwise?” You hum, fluttering your eyelashes at him. To his credit, Jungkook stills for only a moment, onyx eyes staring straight back at you. As if to ask permission, as if to wait for your next move. But you only continue to smile, letting him know you want this, asking him if he wants it.

Just as you think he’ll pull away, he only answers you back with a smirk of his own- and then, you can’t help but be entranced by the sudden, daring gleam in his eyes. Just as your arms are perched on his shoulders, you feel fingers gently trace over the edges of your lips.

“Why don’t you find out?”

You wouldn’t, normally. One night stands aren’t your thing. You rarely give your heart away, and even more your body.

But tonight, staring at the man in front of you, the challenge and interest visible in his eyes, you find yourself wanting to do otherwise.

Maybe I will, you think. 

And then you dip down to kiss him.

Immediately, you can taste the hint of mint on his lips, the sweet aftertaste of what seems to be banana milk- it’s strange and surprising, not exactly what you’d think a bartender would taste like. It isn’t something you’ve tasted on someone else before either, but as his tongue glides over your lips, silently asking for permission, you find yourself coming to like the flavor. Especially when he kisses you hard enough to make you feel like you’re drowning.

You whimper in pleasure when you suddenly feel him press his bulge against your core for one moment, breaking the kiss only to groan again as he repeats the gesture, grinding your lower bodies together. You can only hold on to his back as tight as you can, feeling the rising tides of lust slowly pull you under its current. A breathless moan leaves you, echoing loudly in the quiet of the empty bar.

“Got something to say, sweetheart?” Jungkook coos, and the words are soon accompanied by a sharp pain on your neck, something that makes the pleasure taste all the more sweeter in comparison. That doesn’t even take into account his hands, which you now notice to be gliding over your stomach, stopping under your breasts as he fondles them and makes you arch back in pleasure for a moment.

“God, just continue doing that,” You whine out and he pauses to laugh, smirk turning into something softer, but just as wild. “Jungkook,” he corrects you, flicking your nipple and you flinch as a sharp wave of pleasure rushes over you. “Don’t call out anybody else’s name but mine, or I’ll punish you.”

‘How can I think about anybody else when you’re making me feel so good right now?’ You almost tell him that, you want to tell him that, but as Jungkook switches his attention from your collarbones to your breasts, tongue lavishing over each mound equally, you find your thoughts slipping away from you.

You don’t even register that you’re being pushed to lie back until the cold glass makes you jerk - and Jungkook firmly keeps you pinned down, another moan leaving you as you feel his fingers probe against your core. You feel him place butterfly kisses down your legs, the touch light yet the effects tremendous on you as you shiver and tremble from each one.

“We barely started and you’re already this wet, huh,” he grins as he slides a finger up your panty, where your slit would be. Juice already coats his finger well, and even though he only teases you against your panties, you find that you’re sensitive, too sensitive not to feel even more turned on by such a small gesture. “Or were you already wet earlier? What a naughty girl.”

“Fffffuck,” you groan, thrusting against his fingers so that they rub against you harder. “Just slip it in already,” you whimper. “Don’t be a fucking tease.”

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Jungkook purrs as he flicks your nub, making you clench hard at the frustration and anticipation. It infuriates you even more when you feel his fingers leave your skirt, and he leans away a little. You can clearly see the smirk on his face again, amusement swimming with lust in his eyes. “You weren’t being so nice earlier either. Maybe if you were a good girl, I’d listen.”

At that, you pull yourself up, coming closer to him until you bite his shoulder, leaving marks over his neck as well as you can under the raging pleasure. “Or you can listen now, before I make you regret it.” You roll your hips against his, relishing in the quiet groan that leaves him as the delicious friction threatens to drown you both in pleasure.

Honestly, in the face of Jungkook’s ministrations, you find it’s all too easy to let yourself loose, to want more.

You’re surprised when he bends, pushing you back down - and the flash of pain and pleasure on the inner part of your thighs makes you hiss.

“What are you doing?”Jungkook’s answer is light, but the cocky tone is all too evident anyway. “Didn’t you challenge me to make you cum?” Another hickey blooms on your thighs and you whimper as he leaves a trail of them on his way down. “So I’ve made it my mission to make you cum as much as I can tonight.” You feel his nose nudge your panty and you can’t help groaning in anticipation. “Starting with eating you out.”

“You don’t mind, do you?”

“A-Ah, I’ve never been eaten out before,” you stammer, heart beating fast as you can clearly feel his hair brush against your skin. Lust, excitement, and yet also nerves envelop you then.

For some reason, you can’t help but feel a little self conscious. No one, not even your past boyfriends have done this, after all.

Still, Jungkook only chuckles. “How mean. There I was, making you drinks the whole night, but you won’t even let me have a taste of you now that I’m thirsty.” You can’t see him over the skirt you’re wearing- why, again, are you still wearing it- but you can imagine the chiding smile, the mischief in his eyes. Especially when you feel him blow on you down there, making you shudder. 

“Look, you’re even overflowing. Bet you’d taste sweeter and better than any wine here.”

With that, your skirt is taken off, and you gasp as you suddenly taste something on your lips. Yet that isn’t the end of it as for some reason, you suck on his fingers, imagining it to be his cock. 

Fuck, you taste good.

Just as that thought reaches you, you think- you want to taste him too.

“Can I, sweetheart?” He asks you again. “I’ll make you feel good.” There’s a chuckle in his words, but before he can say anything more, you tug him up.“Wanna taste you too,” you admit, before blushing. Still, you continue. “So get up here.”

“On the bar top? Kinky,” he grins, but follows your instructions. Moving so that your whole body is laid down on the bartop, you hiss as the cool temperature of the glass makes itself known to your thighs. Not for long though- as the warmth of Jungkook’s body envelops you moments later.

In this position, Jungkook’s crotch faces you, and you find your mouth watering over it. Eager hands cup it for a moment, before you pull down the zipper and admire his member.

God, even his dick is pretty. 

Long and veined, what it lacked in girth, the slight curve certainly made up for it. You immediately took it into your mouth, moaning around it when you felt him move your panties to the side and immediately dived in.

On Jungkook’s side - he loves it, every single second of it. He loves how he can make you a mess, how he can wreck you, you bucking up your hips to meet him as you suck and moan around his dick. There is something about you that he couldn’t help but be attracted to. He can’t believe your ex had cheated on you. Just from that moment in which you confronted your ex, he could sense that you were far, far more better than any girl he had ever seen.

Moans and whimpers filled the room as you tremble under Jungkook. Every lap of his tongue, sucking on your nub- hell, just the way he moves his tongue inside your walls is enough to make you push your thighs together.

The pleasure inside you only rises higher and higher, making you continuously grind your hips against his face. True, it’s the first time someone’s eaten you out, but all the same you know you wouldn’t cum just from it if the other person wasn’t good enough.

Jungkook aims to go beyond your expectations it seems. In response, you take him in even deeper, slightly gagging on his dick. One hand reaches out to fondle his balls, rolling them over your hand. Soft, pliant in your hold. You squeeze them slightly, and a sense of accomplishment fills you as you feel him physically stutter, thrusting his dick deeper into you. Jungkook is obviously way more experienced though, or perhaps it’s a sense of competitiveness that’s driving him to make sure you come first, because as you feel something inside you continue to tighten - you pant, recognizing the signs of an impending orgasm. A distant part of you is amazed you could reach an orgasm so quickly - the other is very, very pleased.

“I’m... so close,” you say through uneven breaths, chasing your high. His tongue works at an even faster pace, making you cry out in pleasure. Your walls tighten around his finger, and your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel it. “Then come for me, sweetheart,” you hear him say.

And that does it.

White warmth, inside and out. Your lower body jerks against him, but Jungkook only rides out your orgasm with you, lapping up the juices that gush from you, the messy sounds of slurping and sucking turning you on even more, if that’s possible. You feel feverish, your oversensitive clit being given a little too much attention. What more, the feeling of your body contrasting against the cold surface of the bartop, shivering a little when his finger traces the curves of your body as you continue to feel the last trembles from your orgasm.When

 he finally leans back, Jungkook smiles at the glistening digit and licks his fingers clean. You taste even better than he thought. Truly, you’re an angel. Just as he prepares to get off of you, you give one good suck to his dick, making him jerk. For you, you can feel his hard member twitch in your mouth - and it doesn’t take much to figure out that Jungkook himself is close to release. Still, as he lets out a quiet groan, he moves away. You make to protest, but-

The way he quickly moves on top of you, fingers deftly unbuttoning your shirt and grinding his member against your core makes you moan, long and loud.

“I don’t wanna cum just yet,” his voice is distinctively lower now, and something heady rushes through you at the realization that you did that. He hisses when you experimentally roll your hips back against him.

Hunger like you’ve never known spreads across you like a wildfire. You want all of what Jungkook has to offer.

“You ready, sweetheart?” He cooes. “You’ll have to be quiet if I put it in, don’t want anyone else hearing how beautiful you sound when I’m fucking you thoroughly.”

Instead of answering, you meet him up in an eager kiss, your hands spreading across his chest - God, you don’t know when he unbuttoned his shirt, but you’re definitely thankful he did. Otherwise, how could you so clearly feel the muscles on his smooth skin?

And then you feel him enter you and fuck.

If what you felt before was something new, then this was definitely out of this world.

Jungkook’s dick fills you up just perfect, the wetness of your vagina and the slick on his dick makes the slide inside so much smoother, and both of you sigh in pleasure. For a moment, you’re both content to lie like that, just basking in the feeling of being connected to each other. 

He himself doesn’t know how to explain it, how you differ from others. Everything you do somehow seems to draw him in, and in this moment- he feels like he could just stay like that forever and be content.

You, on the other hand, feel different.

“Jungkook, please, move already,” you eventually plead. Your body arches up as he pulls out for a moment, before beginning to thrust his hips into you at a fast rate, clearly giving you no mercy. Fuck, how in the hells did you ever think any previous sex you had could compare with this?

It’s easy to lose all coherence in this moment, the overwhelming feeling of bliss making you think of nothing but Jungkook’s dick, and the way he drags it against your walls, teasing you before slamming it inside, drawing out the pleasure and then drowning you in it.

The sound of flesh hitting flesh resounds in the empty room, alongside your mixed groans and whimpers. Jungkook spares you no mercy, and you soon find yourself hurtling towards another orgasm, this one even more intense than the last. It doesn’t help that you feel him leave hickeys over your chest, biting and then soothing them afterwards, sliding his tongue over them. Tears prick your eyes as the pain and the pleasure mix together, making each feeling all the more intense to you.

Fuck, where had he been all your life? You’ve never felt so good in sex- not like this, not with your previous encounters. But right here and right now, you swear that if there’s a god, then Jungkook must have been his favorite, and you were blessed to have been touched by him.

“J-Jungkook, I-I’m coming again-!” Rather than slow down, it seems your words just urge him to fuck you harder, faster, making you sob as another wave of pleasure threatens to drown you under. 

“Then come all you want,” he growls, dragging you into a fierce kiss, wanting to taste you- but also to silence you. 

“A-Ah!” You scream out, panting, as you ride another wave of orgasm-

The harsh smack on your bottom makes you jerk off the table with a sob. Jungkook hisses as he pulls out, leaving you feeling empty- but not for too long, as you’re turned over, and he shoves his cock back inside your hole. You moan, long and loud in pleasure, before you feel another smack on your bottom.

“What part of ‘keep quiet’ didn’t you understand?” He reprimands you sternly, each word accentuated by a hit on your bottom that makes you jerk, each time. “I told you to be quiet, or we’d both get in trouble. There’s still the club’s bodyguard standing outside. If he heard us, how much do you want to bet he’d come in and see your pretty little body all laid out under me, huh?”

“I-” You try to explain, but end up heaving deep breaths instead as he thrusts his hips particularly hard, leaving you a whimpering mess as you drop your head onto the table again, the ache at the back of our head barely being addressed by your numb mind.

“You what?” He growls, hands snaking forward to pull your head back with your hair- making you groan as he lowers himself right next to your ear. “You what, Y/N? Got nothing to say right now?”

He tsks. “Or maybe him seeing you is what you want. How many hours has it been since we just met, and how you’re gladly taking up my cock in your cunt right now? I guess you’re nothing but a slut.”

“I-I,” You try again, but all that remains in your head is him calling you a slut. The humiliation it draws from you, reddening your cheeks, somehow only serves to make you feel even more aroused. You can’t think of anything else, but how to just push yourself back into Jungkook’s dick because clearly, he is drawing it out and depriving you of what you need!

“What are you, Y/N?” his voice is hoarse as he asks, his dark hair a mess that covers his beautiful face. “...Wanting others to see you looking so pretty for me,” the knot in your stomach tightens as you try to think of a reply, yet nothing comes. Fuck fuck fuck.

“I don’t, I-” you stop. You can’t, you just can’t, if you don’t get what you want right now, you might as well die.

“Disappointing,” he clicks his tongue dismissively, and you feel your eyes burn out of desperation. “And here I thought you’d be good for me?”

“I’m sssssorrryyyy!” You whine out when he won’t let you off, the tears falling down your face now. “I’m a slut! A fucking slut! Your slut,” you cry out. “P-Please, put it back innn!”

“Mm, I still don’t know,” he drawls. “I already warned you to be good earlier, but you just kept on pushing me. And now you clearly disobeyed me. Only good girls, not sluts, get rewards, don’t you think?”

“I’m s-sorry,” you repeat, whimpering. “Please, I can be good, so please-!”

Hands rub your bottom, a slight sting reminding you that he’d already hit you there earlier. Yet somehow all it did was make you even more sensitive to not just the pain, but also heightening the pleasure you felt.

“If you take your punishment obediently, I might let you off,” he suddenly offers. Jungkook’s voice has become sweet again, soft and sticky and coaxing. Not that you need it though, considering he has you in his palms either way.

Not to mention that the thought of the punishment at hand makes your core throb.

You bite your lips, hoping that he doesn’t see how flushed you are. You don’t doubt that you’re dripping down so much on the glass bartop that at this point, that there must be a puddle right below your cunt. But at the thought of what he’s about to do, you feel yourself secreting even more. “Oh?” He chuckles, dragging a finger along your clit. At this point your labia are puffed up, swollen with Jungkook’s relentless attacks on it, but still it doesn’t hide how aroused you are at this moment. All it is is overly sensitive, and still asking for more. 

“Seems to me that you like that, huh? I guess I was right. Being good doesn’t suit you at all, slut,” he tsks. “You just wanted to get punished.”

“I-I can take it,” you meekly tell him, shaking your ass a little. At the sight, Jungkook smirks wickedly. “Alright then. I want you to count each strike, sweetheart. And if you lose count, we’ll be starting all over again. … Do you understand that?” 

Near the end, you hear Jungkook’s tone soften, and it’s all too easy to hear the way out he’s offering you. You want it, though. “H-How many?”

He pauses, before continuing. “How many do you think you deserve?”

You swallow loudly. “I… I don’t know.” You bite your lips. “I’ve, uh- I’ve never been spanked like this before.”

You feel embarrassment course through your veins for a moment as Jungkook freezes, and you wonder if you should’ve just said a random number-

But then the loud smack of a hand against your ass rings out loud in the room, and you jerk wildly against the bartop, a silent scream in your throat.“Until I say stop, then. That was one already,” Jungkook purrs. 

You whimper, but nod along as he starts.

Smack!

“Two!”

Smack!

“T-Three!”!

Smack! 

“F-Four,” you whimper.

At each hit of his hand against your ass, you can’t help moaning, louder with each one. Jungkook’s hands are swift, and absolute- no mercy left for you, only his feather-light gentle caresses after each hit making you weep.

At the eight count, you’re absolutely gone, panting, a mess of tears and pain and pleasure and overall just too fucking sensitive. But the sheer amount of thrill and joy that settles in you as Jungkook finally stops is just short of euphoria, and you look up at him, your eyes pleading for his praise and reassurance.

Sure enough, Jungkook doesn’t disappoint.

He slides you off the counter and into his arms, your legs crossed around his, into a long, sweet kiss, swallowing up the sounds that leave your lips, the little whimpers and groans.

“You took your punishment so well,” he compliments you as he pulls back, making you preen. “I suppose you deserve a reward then, don’t you?”

“P-Please,” you plead, rutting your core against his erect cock. It slides against your core all too easily, making you groan. Still, you don’t dare put it inside, waiting for Jungkook’s permission first.

“Since you asked so nicely,” he grins, and-

Jungkook’s kiss swallows up the scream that leaves you as he thrusts back into your hole in one smooth movement, bringing you back into that land of sheer pleasure and lust.

In this position, held up in the air only by his arms, you keenly feel every movement of his cock inside you as he bounces you, forcing you to go up and down repeatedly. You’re almost delirious, your hands no doubt leaving scratch marks on his body as you hold him as tight as you can, feeling everything just too much.

It doesn’t take more than a minute or two to bring you to your third orgasm. It seems that Jungkook himself senses that as well, because the moment you feel it coming, he speeds up his thrusts again, making you scream. 

“J-Jungkook!!” You wail out his name as one final jerk of his hips brings you crashing down, bliss enveloping you fully as you almost white out, spasming and losing control of your body for a moment.

When you come to, a second later, you feel him desperately moving in you, but the stuttered way he does so tells you all you need to know.

“W-Where should I cum?” He grits the words out his teeth, and you hiss in pleasure, in over-sensitivity and pain as his member remains inside of you even after you’ve orgasmed for the third time. You’re determined to get him to come as well though, something warm blazing in your chest. You don’t owe favors, and you won’t anymore, so maybe that’s the reason why.

For whatever reason it truly is, though, you tell him with a steady voice. “Just come inside me,” you give him permission. Jungkook groans at that, looking straight at you, as if to ask, are you sure?

You nod, drawing him into a sweet kiss. There’s nothing but elation inside you at this moment.

When you squeeze his member inside your cunt, you moan as you feel him paint your walls white, something hot and warm and sticky filling up your cunt. If your nails didn’t leave marks before, well, they had to by now.

It’s only when you feel it drip out of you that you finally pull back from the kiss.The both of you are panting, visibly exhausted, though you’re pretty sure Jungkook can still run a lap around the club, while you’re all ready to collapse on the floor. Fuck, where does he get all that stamina from?

“I work out at the gym.” The amusement visible in his eyes as he answers you tells you that you probably spoke out loud. Sheesh.

“Yeah, you were.” Jungkook’s chuckle brings your attention back to him, and you blush for the first time since a while now, burying your head in the crook of his shoulder. Honestly, if you tried to move right now, you don’t doubt you’d just lay down on the floor, so you opt to remain in his hold.

That decision definitely wasn’t influenced by how secure you felt in his arms, or how good he smelt, even after you both just had sex.

His chuckles turn into laughter- and you’re only dimly aware of it as he sets you down on a nearby sofa, grabbing a washcloth nearby to start wiping you off.

When you look down at him again- it’s as if he’s seamlessly switched back to the adorable guy you met earlier. Huge, doe eyes and bunny smile on display as he grins happily.

It’s then that you hear the door to the bar being clicked open, and you’re thrown back into reality. 

“If you’re done fucking on top of the bar, I think it’d be good if we officially wrap things up around here,” you see a blond man barge through, wearing a poker face despite the words that make even more heat rise up to your cheeks. The connotations of the sentence… you’ll ignore that.

“And I think that included your dick, but okay,” he eyes Jungkook warily. He looks at you for a brief moment, before clicking on his tongue as he shakes his head.

“Anyway, out of this place, both of you, before Seokjin-hyung threatens to kill me again for not being a good enough caretaker.”

“And what exactly were you doing while we were… in here, Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook raises a brow out of suspicion. 

“Sleeping. Now hurry up.”

Peals of laughter escape Jungkook, even as both your cheeks redden at being caught.

“Alright, alright,” Jungkook reassures him, before turning back to you. “Let me just finish up cleaning that mess, and we’ll get you home for real,” he tells you softly. Placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he lays you down to rest.

“Take a quick nap in the meantime, okay?”

Giggling under the blanket of the dark night, you run under the bright stars as the stars reign the heavens above your heads. With Jungkook hand in hand, you experience freedom like you’ve never felt before.

The gentle breeze of the cold wind at 2 am, in perfect contract to the feel of his warm hand enveloping yours is the sweetest sensation, one of accepting, letting go and moving forward.

You swear you’ve never laughed like you do when you dash through the abandoned streets of neighborhoods too hazy for you to remember in detail. His laugh rings in your ears like the song of an angel, a far cry from your own booming one that he still loves all the same. It’s beautiful, quiet, made for you two alone.

Reaching your apartment, Jungkook helps you into your adorable dragon onesie before tucking you into bed, the softest smile on his face. It hurts a little to leave you so quick, he wants to stay, he wants to spend the night beside you, but for tonight… maybe all that you have done so far is enough.

Maybe once morning arrives, the sunrise announces his fall. Maybe you won’t even remember him.

Thinking so, his trembling hand reaches out to cup your cheek.

Then he stops.

Goodnight, Y/N.

Morning comes. You groggily roll out of bed, heading straight for the kitchen to get yourself a cup of water. Your head is in shambles, too filled to think of anything more, too empty to think of anything less than the sticky note your eyes land on.

It’s stuck to the microwave that’s sitting on the counter, a stupidly lovable green note. Taking careful steps towards it, you peel it off to read what’s written, eyes widening a little.

‘here’s my number! call if you want :D

I also left some hangovers in here. 

make sure to eat them and stay safe~

hope to hear from you.                           xx JK.’

Your heart flutters in excitement and love for the note as you pull it close, hugging it as much as one could a sticky note. You smile softly, hand tracing the curves of the writing, the action all too sweet and unexpected. Running to get your phone that must be somewhere around here, you start to jump around in the search for it out of nervous elation.

There’s so much more you want to do with Jungkook, but - you just can’t wait to hear his gorgeous laugh again.

All rights reserved © 2020 kimtaejin. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Find my masterlist here. Requests are Open.

Based on a wonderful song fic request I received from @itsametaphorbriansblog for the song Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat by Del Water Gap. I'd never heard the song before but trust me when I say it's awesome and my head was full with these lyrics. And yes, Alice in Wonderland is my favorite book.

Requested: Yes l No

CW: swearing, mentions of drinking, mentions of smut but nothing too explicit, some angst but happy ending.

Plot: Spencer wants to believe he can have a casual relationship with you. But just the thought of someone else touching you the way he does sends him into a tailspin. He wants you all to himself.

WC: 3.9K

—————————————————————

I do not want to fight this anymore

I just want to lay back

And watch you pin me to the bed

How he ended up here was somewhat of a mystery to Spencer but he had no intention of complaining.

He was sure he’d have time to think about it later, but right now all he was focused on was the way you pinned him to the bed, your soft hands wrapped around his wrists.

He was too enamoured taking in every beautiful curve of your body, the swell of your breasts and hips, the feeling of your silky thighs pressed against his own much hairier ones.

He drank you in as you kissed him, your tongue tasting like coffee and vodka. Your lips against his felt as though they’d found their rightful place in the world.

And when you finally lowered yourself on his throbbing member, everything else slipped away. The only thing in the world he could focus on was how fucking good it felt to have you wrapped around him.

It was as though all the stars had aligned and all his birthdays and christmases had come at once.

He never thought he’d have a shot with someone like you. This was better than even his wildest dreams.

I used to call you my best friend

Way back before you were my everything

Now I’m sucking on your neck

You’d worked together for several years and quickly became best friends. But there was always something more between you. Lingering glances, a few too many casual touches.

An odd tension that Spencer had never been able to put his finger on until the first time you saw each other naked and it vanished.

It had started after a few too many drinks at Rossi’s and ended in Spencer’s bed. That had been six months ago and since then the two of you spent all your free time between the sheets together.

It just made sense.

But you had made it clear it was simply sex, a means to an end. You were seeing another guy who knew about Spencer too. You told Spencer he was free to see other women.

He didn’t want to see other women. He only ever wanted to see you. He wanted to see you all the time, preferably naked and sitting on his cock.

He had agreed this was fine. He was ok with this arrangement. He’d told you he was fine with this other guy you were seeing if he was fine with you seeing Spencer.

Fine. Everything was just fine.

And you wrote my favorite song

Now I’m fucked up and carrying on

I do not know the words yet, oh

It had been a lie.

He thought he could separate the physical from his feelings but he wasn’t that kind of man. He wished he could be. But the idea of not having you all to himself made him feel sick.

And it hits me

I don't want anybody else touching you like I do

Like I do

Like me

He thought he was ok with it until he was lonely in his apartment one night. He text you asking you to come over.

Your response told him you were with your other man. And he spiralled.

He couldn’t help his mind wander over the things you would be doing together.

Did he kiss you on your neck the way you loved? Did he know the way you liked to be touched?

Did he make you feel the way Spencer did? Did he make you come the way Spencer knew how?

The thought of you naked being pleasured by another man made his heart ache. Images of you touching him, being fucked by him, screaming his name; it was too much.

He wanted to be the only one who got to touch you like that; to see you at your orgasms peak.

It really wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to share you. He didn’t want to be left alone in his room wracked with sadness at the thought of you with another man.

Is it okay?

That I don’t want anybody else touching you like I do

Like I do

Like me

Yeah

“What did you get up to with Matt last night?” Spencer asked as he made you both coffees the next morning.

You rolled your eyes.

“Mark.” you sighed as you spoke. You knew Spencer knew his name, he had an eidetic memory for god sake. He was doing it deliberately.

“Matt, Mark same difference.” he shrugged, pouring sugar into his cup.

“We just hung out.” you took the other mug he’d filled and twirled your spoon around in it. “You know, usual stuff.”

You leant back against the counter, holding the warm mug between your hands and inhaling the smell.

Spencer turned to look at you.

You had a noticeable hickey on your neck, one he certainly hadn’t left. You must know he could see it.

“The usual stuff you and Morgan would do when you hang out or the usual stuff you and I do when we hang out?”

You rolled your eyes again and pushed yourself away from the counter and headed back towards your desk.

Spencer followed close behind you.

“Just because you don’t speak doesn’t mean you didn’t answer.” he whispered as he caught up with you. “Nice hickey.”

He practically stormed to his desk and threw himself in the chair.

You sighed to yourself. You should have known Spencer would be this way.

A little while later Morgan passed by your desk as you had your nose buried in a case file.

“Ohhh looks like pretty girl got some loving last night! The size of that mark on your neck Miss thing!”

You looked up at him, your cheeks stained crimson.

You made brief eye contact with Spencer. If you weren’t mistaken, his eyes were filled with tears.

He pushed his chair back and stormed away from where JJ and Emily were now getting a good look at your hickey too.

“What’s up with him?” Morgan frowned.

“I don’t think he’s feeling too good today.” You replied.

It wasn’t exactly a lie.

Tell me that nobody else touches you

Like I do, like I do

Oh, tell me that nobody else touches you like me

Tell me that nobody else touches you

Like I do, like I do

Oh, tell me that nobody else touches you like me

There was no case to take you out of the state and you were looking forward to going home.

Spencer caught up with you as you stepped in the elevator and shoved his way inside just before the doors closed.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked the second the doors shut behind him.

“Not tonight Spence, I’m exhausted.” you stifled a yawn as if to prove your point.

“Did you use all your energy on Mike?” he sounded so bitter.

“I did not use all my energy on Mark. I’m tired from dealing with a whiny, jealous baby all day.” you rolled your eyes yet again.

“I’m not jealous.” he scoffed. “Or whiny. Or a baby.”

“Sure you aren’t.” The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.

You patted Spencer on his shoulder as you stepped out.

“Goodnight Spencer, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He pouted a little as he watched you go.

Maybe it was time to just let you go entirely.

You’re pulling on my habit lines

The more I smoke the more I find

I can’t just fall asleep instead

One am and Spencer’s phone startled him awake. He was used to being called in the middle of the night for work so he was wide awake in an instant.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and put it to his ear.

“Reid.” he spoke, expecting it to be Hotch calling about a case.

“Hey,” your voice was low and sultry.

Spencer swallowed.

“What?” he knew what. He knew exactly what you were calling for.

He had to say no. He had to stay strong. He couldn’t keep giving in to you. Not anymore.

“You know what. Don’t play dumb Spence, it doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“Well I’m touching myself.” you moaned softly. “But I do wish it was your hand between my legs.”

You heard a breathy sigh leave his lips. You knew that was enough to make him hard.

“Fuck Y/N,” he groaned. “I’ll be over in a half hour.”

You grinned as you hung up the phone.

Spencer wished he wasn’t so weak. He wished he could say no to you.

He wished he could tell you it was him or Mark. You had to choose.

He would if he didn’t fear the answer.

And you’re not my protector

I hope you know it wasn’t her

That kept me off your side of the bed, oh

He put his all in that night. He wanted to make you feel the best you’d ever felt so the next time you saw Mark you were thinking of him.

He made you come seven times, you honestly didn’t think you would walk for days after. By the time the sun came up you were so sensitive you didn’t know if you’d be able to dress for work without your clothes flustering your sensitive skin.

“Jeez Spence, I hope we’ve got another office day today.” You ached all over. “I don’t know if I’m going to be any good in the field like this.”

He felt an odd sense of pride. You’d remember this, you’d remember how good he’d made you feel.

He hoped he’d fucked Mark right out of your head.

And it hits me

I don’t want anybody else touching you

Like I do

Like I do

Like I do

Like me

“Jesus pretty girl, your hickeys have hickeys!” Morgan chuckled as you walked into the BAU with no sleep and only one coffee in your system.

Spencer tried to hide the smug look from his face.

“Another night with your lover boy aye?” Emily nudged you in the arm as you made a beeline for the coffee machine.

He felt very good about himself right now.

“Speaking of your lover boy,” JJ piped up. “You had some flowers delivered this morning.”

Spencer’s face fell. No. No that wasn’t fair.

You forgot all about the coffee and headed to your desk where a beautiful array of red roses awaited you.

Spencer wanted to take them and stomp on them. The way you were stomping on his heart.

“Oh wow.” You smiled as you read the note. “How sweet.”

“If you ask me he’s trying too hard.” Spencer tried not to sound bitter or sad as he spoke. He failed miserably.

“Well good job no ones asking you.” You shot him an annoyed glance.

The tension suddenly grew thick. You and Spencer glared at one another while Morgan, Emily and JJ stared on in confusion.

“We have a case.” Hotch’s voice broke the stare off.

Thank god you thought. Saved before you had a chance to say something you’d regret.

You put the flowers down and headed towards the round table room. You heard Spencer shuffling behind you.

“What was that about?” JJ frowned.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Emily shrugged.

“I think I’ve got an idea.” Morgan smirked as the three of them started to follow. “Pretty boy has a crush on pretty girl.”

It is okay?

That I don’t want anybody else touching you

Like I do

Like I do

Like me

You barely said two words to Spencer in the four days you spent in Missouri unless it pertained to the case.

Everyone could tell something was amiss between the two of you. The team was so used to your playful banter and inside jokes you had with one another. It was painfully obvious something was going on.

It was late when you arrived back at Quantico so Hotch sent you all straight home.

Spencer caught up with you in the parking lot.

“Y/N, can we talk?”

“No.” You didn’t turn back to look at him as you headed to your car.

“Y/N please we need to talk.”

“I’m sick of this.” You groaned as you reached your vehicle. “You said you were ok with us seeing other people Spencer.” You spun back to look at him.

He was playing with the strap of his messenger back in an awkward fashion.

“Well...I’m not.” He shrugged.

“No shit.” You scoffed. “I’m sorry Spencer but I can’t do this anymore. I like Mark, he’s nice. We have fun.”

“So I’m not nice? You don’t have fun with me?” He stepped a little closer to you.

“You’re draining Spencer.” You confessed. “I once thought maybe you and I could be more than, whatever this is, but it’s exhausting Spence. With Mark it’s just easy. We spoke yesterday and he said he wanted us to get serious. No seeing other people. I told him I’d like that.”

Spencer’s heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest. He felt as though you had punched the air from his lungs.

He fought for a breath, stumbling on his feet a little.

“You’re...you’re choosing him?”

“Yes.” You chewed your lip guilty. “I’m sorry Spencer but honestly, you’re too much like hard work.” You turned away from him and opened the drivers door, closing it quickly behind you before you changed your mind.

You watched Spencer in your rear view mirror as you pulled out of your parking space.

He hadn’t moved. He just stood there, dejected and sad staring in your wake.

You were barely out of the parking lot before your first tear fell.

You’re in his living room

And it may not mean much you

But your plates are in his sink

And your sweaters on his bed

Won’t you text me when you’re home?

My baby, spare me all the rest

It had been little over a month and Spencer wouldn’t make eye contact with you. He wouldn’t speak directly to you. He wouldn’t even be in the same room as you if he could help it.

At this point the whole team knew something was up. Hotch had pulled you both up on it but you’d both lied and said everything was fine.

Everything was far from fine.

Every night for just over a month Spencer had cried himself to sleep. He’d spent his waking hours in his apartment imaging what the two of you were doing.

Were you laughing at movies? Reading together? Having romantic dinners or walks in the park hand in hand? Were you making love over and over again?

His sleep was haunted by thoughts of you too. No where was safe. He’d started wondering if he could even work with you anymore. Maybe it was time to go into teaching?

Being around you every day just didn’t seem like an option anymore because every time he saw you, his heart broke all over again.

Please just tell me

That nobody else touches you like I do

Oh tell me that nobody touches you like me

It wasn’t just that he’d lost the woman he had started developing feelings for, he had lost his best friend too. He wanted to talk to someone about the heartache he was feeling and usually that someone would be you.

He wanted his best friend back. It was killing him.

He didn’t know how to deal with losing you so he didn’t. He didn’t know how to talk to you anymore so he stopped talking to you altogether.

The flower deliveries stopped after a few months which made it slightly easier for him to forget about you dating another man.

After about seven months your demeanor shifted a little. You stopped talking about Mark as much and were more vague about your weekend plans.

By the time it was coming up to a year you stopped talking about him entirely. When Spencer overheard you speaking to JJ or Emily about your weekend plans it was always along the lines of “TV and pizza for one.”

For Garcia’s birthday the whole team was going out for drinks at a local bar. Since you ended things with him Spencer avoided hanging out with the team outside of work when you would be there. He would always come up with some kind of excuse.

But Garcia was not the kind of person to take no for an answer.

So reluctantly he went along. Emily helped him pick out a gift for her, a unicorn charm for her bracelet. Certainly not something Spencer would have chosen but Emily insisted the tech analyst would love it.

Whilst in the jewelry store a delicate silver necklace had caught his eye. It had an intricate charm of a bottle with a little label with the words “Drink Me” etched into it.

It had taken him back to a conversation from years past.

You were still new to the team and trying to keep your head down and not get in anyone's way. The team was all so close and you didn’t want to step on any toes.

On the way back from your latest case in New York you didn’t sleep like the rest of the team. You were wide awake, probably on a high from the adrenaline brought on by the case.

You sat at the back of the jet alone with your head buried in a book. You didn’t notice someone watching you or approaching you until you heard the leather seat opposite you squeak a little as your company sat down.

You looked up to see Spencer smiling softly at you.

“What are you reading?” he asked with genuine interest.

You blushed a little chewing your lip, turning the book over in your hands.

“Alice in Wonderland.” you slid the old book across the table to him.

He picked it up cautiously and turned the worn pages.

“First edition.”

“Yeah.” you nodded as he looked back up at you. “It was my dad’s. He used to read it to me when I was young. He passed away a few years ago and it helps me feel close to him.” it was the most open you’d been since joining the team.

Spencer smiled at you sadly and handed you back the book.

“I’m sorry about your dad. But that’s nice you have that.”

“Yeah I suppose it is.”

Emily had stepped out of the store to take a phone call and he had found himself purchasing the necklace. He didn’t know why. He couldn’t help himself.

Garcia had loved her charm, she’d squealed and hugged him so tightly Spencer felt the air being squeezed from his lungs.

She opened the rest of her presents while the rest of the team drank. You and Spencer kept making accidental eye contact and each time you would both smile awkwardly at one another.

You got up from the table to buy a round of drinks. Spencer watched you go. It would be his perfect chance to get to talk to you. He needed to know what was going on. Had you and Mark split up? And if you had, did that mean there was anyway he still stood a chance with you?

He’d wanted to ask for so long but every time he went to say something, the words got stuck in his throat, refusing to leave.

But this time he was determined. He needed to know where he stood once and for all.

At the very least could he get his best friend back?

And it hits me

I don’t want anybody else touching you

Like I do

Like I do

Like me

“Thought you might need a hand.” Spencer sidled up next to you. It was the closest you’d been to one another in almost a year.

“Thanks.” you smiled softly, a little awkwardly.

You looked at each other for a moment, neither of you sure what to say to each other.

Not so long ago the two of you could talk about anything and everything until you were blue in the face. You never ran out of things to talk to each other about. So much had changed.

Spencer reached into his inside pocket and pulled out the small jewelry box. He turned it over in his hand a few times before he held his hand out.

“I saw this when I was getting Garcia’s birthday present and I couldn’t help myself.” he shrugged like it was no big deal.

You chewed your lip as you cautiously took the box from him. You ran your fingers over it for a few seconds before you slowly opened it.

Tears immediately sprang to your eyes as you looked down at the little Alice in Wonderland themed necklace cushioned inside the box.

You looked back up at Spencer with a sniff.

“Spence,” a small tear escaped your eye. “You remembered.”

“I remember everything about you.” he shrugged again.

You sniffed back any more tears that might fall and gently lifted the necklace from the box.

“Could you help me?” you held it out for Spencer who nodded and took the necklace from you.

He unclasped it as you turned around. He gently draped it around your neck and secured it.

You turned back to face him, you fingers on the necklace charm.

“Thank you so much Spencer, I love it.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled. “I hope Mitch doesn’t mind you wearing it.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“We broke up.” you didn’t bother to correct him on his name. “A few months ago.”

“Oh.” Spencer tried not to look too pleased about this. “Do you mind me asking why?”

“I think you know why.” you stepped a little closer to him. “He wasn’t the right man for me.”

“Oh.” he squeaked a little. “That’s uhm...I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No you aren’t.” you laughed, stepping even closer to him.

You placed your hands carefully on his shoulders and you felt him practically melt into your touch.

“Anyway I’m the one that should be sorry.” you whispered.

“For what?” he croaked, feeling weak at your proximity.

“For choosing the wrong man. I should have known better.” you wrapped your arms around his neck, your body so close he could feel your warmth. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I have a guilty pleasure for rom-coms.”

“You’ve definitely never told me that before. I would have remembered giving you a hard time for that.” he laughed a little and so did you.

“Yeah, I figured as much.” you nodded. “Anyway, with my extensive knowledge of rom-coms I should have known.”

“Should have known what?” he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“That the girl always ends up with the best friend.” and with that you pressed your lips against his.

Spencer immediately took hold of your face in his hands and deepened the kiss.

You didn’t care that your whole team was probably watching. You didn’t care the whole bar could have been watching. All you cared about was Spencer.

When the kiss broke you both had tears in your eyes. You kept your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist to keep you close.

“I never want to have to think about someone else touching you the way I do again Y/N. I want to be the only person who gets to touch you.”

“Ok.” you smiled brightly at him. “But only if I get to be the only person who gets to touch you.”

Spencer laughed, kissing you again.

“That my love,” he smiled. “Is all I’ve ever wanted.”

Is it okay?

That I don’t want

Anybody else touching you like I do

Like I do

Like me

—————————————————————

Taglist (find my tagist form here if you want to be added) -

All ships and genres -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl

@measure-in-pain

@ptrs-prkrs

@sexy-dumpster-fire

All SR x Reader -

@boxofsparklingmuses

@frickin-bats

@reidandhisgourd

@ukai-hoe

SR x Reader one shots -

@seasonfivereid

@willowrose99

[hargrove-mayfields]

Day one of the Horror on Cherry Lane Challenge! I’ll be participating this month as a writer! The prompt for today is Knife!

warnings for mentions of suicidal ideation and attempts, death, child abuse, and blood.

Billy met Steve in the psych ward.

Well, they met officially at Tina’s party, but that wasn’t the real Steve. That was the King Steve. Deeper than that though, even the Steve Harrington everyone else saw even after the breakup and the fall from grace still wasn’t the real thing.

That was fake smiles, overdone nonchalance to cover up the wound from his fallen status. Now he was stripped down to himself, all bloody bandages and tired eyes, the boy he was pretending to be finally broken down to reveal this.

Apparently, Ruthie Harrington found her son with his grandfather's switchblade- all the other objects in the house sharper than a spoon and with less sentimental value had already been tossed -bleeding all over her freshly polished linoleum floors. She dropped him off at the hospital a night ago and nobody’s been by to see him since.

Now, it’s by pure coincidence that Billy’s already in on the same day Steve’s admitted.

He’s been locked up the past three days compared to Steve’s one. These small town hicks are jumpier (ha) than he thought, and don’t think doing the walk and turn test on the edge of the quarry after downing a bottle and a half of fireball is as funny as he does. Whatever. Cid would’ve thought that was badass as hell.

So he was admitted, on suicide watch for a stupid joke that wasn’t really worth it, or even really a joke. Max came to visit once. She punched him in the chest as hard as she could and cursed him out for an hour. She’d never done that before. By the time she left they were both in tears, and maybe Billy realized a thing or too about his carelessness. Realized for the first time that someone cared.

But he’s still in here for another week and a half by law, so. He’s not going to mope about it. And while Steve Harrington showing up is about the last thing he’s expecting, he decides that’s at least something he can work with. Definitely brings a little life to the place.

He waits until Steve’s intense watch period is over to bug him, once they’re out of their cramped little rooms for a couple of hours to “socialize” (see, the more sound of mind keep an eye on the other patients while the nurses take their smoke breaks) Billy goes straight to Steve. Him and Harrington are far from friends, but that’s pretty much irrelevant when the only other choices for company are kids younger than them too scared to approach them and people too deep in their midlife crises to bother with teenage drama.

Throwing himself down in the blue plastic chair across from where Steve settled in, Billy kicks his feet up on the table,, “What’s up Harrington? Didn’t expect to see a familiar face in here.”

But Steve, poor Steve, takes one look at Billy with those haunted brown eyes, and his face just falls completely apart. There are tears on his way too pale cheeks before Billy even has a chance to breathe.

The smile drops off of Billy’s face, “Jesus Harrington, I know m’not looking my best surviving on hospital food and cigarettes without a hairbrush, but that’s a little unwarranted.”

“Shut up. Not everything’s about you, Hargrove.”

“Oh I disagree with that. But I get the point. I’ll let ya be.” Billy hums, scooting his chair back and getting up. He stops when Steve starts to speak, “Y-You outta be careful saying that kinda stuff in here.”

“What?”

“That the world revolves around you. They’ll come up with a diagnosis for that and keep you here forever. Drug you ‘til you forget your own name, let alone your status.” Steve tells him with humor, wiping the tears off his face.

Billy nods in understanding, sits back down with an interested smirk, “This ain’t your first time here, is it?”

“Is it yours?”

“Nah. I’ve done some shit on purpose, some on accident. Once it wasn’t even me. But s’never done anything to help so far.”

Steve puffs out a sigh, “Don’t I know it.. I’ve been in and outta this place since I was like, ten. Clearly nothing’s changed.”

“Why? What’s your dirty little secret, Harrington?”

“I cut myself, dumbass.” He deadpans, looking at Billy with a bluntness in his expression that reads more concerning, more like indifference to what he just said than matter-of-fact.

“No shit. But that ain’t the secret.” Billy probes further, can tell he’s getting under that mask Steve wears, “Why do you do it?”

“Legally, I can't tell you. And I don’t think I would anyways.”

“What about if I tell you all about me first? I got no reservations ‘cept the one that got me a bed here.”

“It’s not a hotel, Hargrove.”

“Eh, might as well be. Feels like the damn hotel California.”

“Is that why?”

“Huh? Oh no, I been pullin’ stunts like this long before we left Cali.”

“Like what?”

“Like downing two full bottles of my mother’s meds after she left. Not at the same time obviously, or I wouldn’t be here. Mostly ‘cause my dad didn’t even wanna take me to the hospital either time.” Billy doesn’t look at Steve while he elaborates. Not because he cares, he’s an open book, if a random old woman at the grocery store asked about his last attempt, he’d tell her.

But. He doesn’t like watching people’s faces. Seeing sympathy and concern there. It makes him feel all stupid and guilty. It’s usually not like that with other kids like him, but Steve’s different. He’s got a big heart. Even if there’s no room for himself.

And Billy hurt Steve before. He doesn’t want to see someone he caused pain caring so much about him. He already cracked when Max came to see him. This could be what splits him open, spills out all the things he’s covered up.

So he keeps going, “And like runnin’ out in front of traffic with my friends. They thought we were just playin’ chicken ‘til I stopped dead in front of a station wagon. Metal rims’d done me in for sure if one ‘a the older boys hadn’t pulled me outta the way. Damn near ripped my shirt in half how fast he grabbed me.”

“I’m guessing your parents are the reason why then?”

“Yessir.” Billy deflects, not good at getting deeper into it, “You wanna tell me yours then?”

“I started cutting because Tommy Hagan told me about it. He thought it was freaky, but when he ran his mouth about how they found the neighbor kid in his room, drained of all his blood from his wrists, I wanted to try it. I’ve tried liquor and drugs and all kinds ‘a shit I shouldn’t, but nothin’ stuck like cutting.” Steve pauses for a long time, his eyes going blank, staring right past Billy, “When my mom found out she.. she.. Forget it.”

“Hey, you seen my skeletons. Can’t I see yours?”

“No. I don’t wanna fucking talk about it anymore.” Steve answers, despite his assuredness, his tone wobbling with some unidentifiable emotion.

Talk about mood swings. Billy doesn’t get how nobody would’ve noticed something was up before Steve started carving into himself. Really, he knows someone would have seen it and just ignored it.

It only gets worse though, the reservedness turning to sadness and frustration. None of the words are coming out, but he can tell Steve’s thinking of the stories, reliving all that got him to the here and now. Billy can also tell there’s nothing he can do no to stop him from doomsdaying.

So when Steve is inevitably in the thralls of a panic attack, he tries to hug him tight, to try to get it to stop maybe, that always worked for him at least, but Steve swats him away. Judging from the way he winces, it’s not easy for him to do either, with those thick ass bandages constricting his wrists, but the tears and the pain on his face are buried behind his resolution.

He’s hiding something from Billy.

In hindsight, talking to a new patient about past attempts probably wasn’t his brightest idea anyways, so he switches the subject while Steve works on coming down from his panic attack. He brings up Max and her little nerds, trying to bridge the healthier connections between him and Steve that they’d both been ignoring since the fight. He mentions basketball too, another something they have in common other than trying to kill themselves.

It doesn’t really work, though Steve does stop shaking as bad, just curling up in his little chair and sniffling, pretending not to listen while Billy rambles on and on. But he doesn’t talk. It’s probably better for him not to anyway. Billy himself has been known to say some dumb shit when he’s in distress.

Ultimately, even once the conversation runs out, he stays with Steve until dark. He can tell from the way his gaze sticks to the floor that Steve recovered from his fit a while ago, but he’s embarrassed by having a breakdown in front of him, as if he isn’t in here for the same reason. It helps that he gets it though, and they sit in a comfortable, albeit very prolonged, silence.

Long after Steve gets xanned up and knocked out though, while Billy is still free to wander until the midnight curfew as a low risk patient, he decides to stick with him in his room. Billy’ll never admit it, but he gets nightmares, and he doesn’t want to face that just yet, so with a new friend as an excuse, he’s up half the night watching Steve sleep.

He remembers what happened earlier, how focused Steve was on keeping him away from him, despite his panic, and decides, with a glance at how deeply Steve is sleeping, his greasy hair all strewn about on stiff pillows, that he’s going to figure out what it was.

He snoops around in his bedside drawers, in the bathroom, in the locker in the corner. It’s there he notices the knitted jacket Steve was wearing before, hanging heavy to one side, like there’s something in its pocket. He touches it and feels the outline of something small, so he pulls it out.

He regrets checking though, because it’s a knife. Judging from the old looking engravings on its handle, and the coppery stains within the grooves, it’s specifically the very same one that got Steve hospitalized.

He shoves it in his own back pocket and keeps looking, with a quick glance at Steve, finding a note tucked where the knife had been. Written in perfect scrawl on bond paper that’s been folded a dozen times and stained with tears,

“Do it right next time, why don’t you? Your mother is too soft on you. I’m not paying for this again.

- J.Harrington.”

Billy doesn’t know what to do but throw the note in the trash. Not really in shock, but definitely more than a little fucked up from reading that, he sits on the end of Steve’s bed. His own dad, who'd more than once been the one putting him in the hospital, had never even said anything like that to him.

He didn’t get to talk to Steve much today, but they’ve got as long as Billy’s stuck in here together to fix that. Longer if he just pulls something in front of a nurse. And he wants to, really really wants to.

Because he knows he just met the real Steve, can recognize another broken boy when he sees one, and he knows too, that he never wants to meet a pretty boy like this again.

And if that’s his declaration to get clean, then so fucking be it.

But. He never promised not to hurt anyone. Ultimately he’d still need that outlet.

He keeps the knife. To make sure his pretty boy doesn’t get hurt again.

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Welcome To The Family (5/???)

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / here

Had no idea how to connect with Aizawa. Hopefully, this works. Sorry about my hyperfixation on this. 

Warnings- some swearing

---------------------------------------------------------------

I get ready for yet another day of babysitting Eri. Thinking back on the festival yesterday, the uncomfortable feeling between the two men is something I’d rather not experience again if possible. They’re together as well, so why did Hizashi put me between them? I could have sat on the other side of him if he wanted me beside him so bad. Don’t think Aizawa was too happy about it either with the narrow look he gave me, now that I think about it. It’s best to try to avoid those situations in the future.

While in my mind, I didn’t notice my friend in front of me and bumped into them. Ryo doesn’t look too good. They have bigger eyebags than I’ve ever seen and are frowning with their arms crossed. “Glad to catch you. I stayed up all night waiting for you.”

“Ryo, whatever it is, you could have just texted or called me.”

They frown deeper. “I’ve been trying to stay happy for you, I really have. I and a few of the others really miss you hanging out with us. We’ll even blast your favorite song the whole day and night. Just… Please join us for a whole day once again.”

I knew what they were getting at. Damn it, guilt is really starting to rise in me. I desperately want to hang out with them, but that stupid dinner I’m pretty much forced to go to this Sunday… Ugh, why couldn’t they wait until next Sunday!? “I’m sorry, Ryo, but they want me to babysit the kids again this Sunday. I told them I’m not available next Sunday though! We can hang out then!”

Their frown goes deeper than ever seen by me. “Come on, Y/N! We haven’t had a day to hang out properly in like, what? Months? Every time you return you’re too tired to join us. Those damn kids can go ONE. DAY. without you taking care of them. Don’t you think you’ve done enough for them yet!? The only day we had was Sunday, but for the last few you’ve been stuck with them AGAIN. For how much you take care of them, the adults shouldn’t even HAVE them!”

I nearly snapped at them for the last thing they said. They seem angry though, so I try to not let it get to me too much, or it could end badly for both of us.

It’s easy to tell they all care for each other, and taking one of them away from their little family would be greatly unethical. What also holds me back is remembering Ryo doesn’t know the story of the kids, or that the adults are heroes and teachers. Man, I wish I could tell them. Surprised they haven’t made the connection themselves yet of at least figuring out they’re teachers. “Their jobs are highly demanding. Trust me, they’d much rather be with their kids if they could. I’ve seen how they act towards them.”

“That doesn’t mean shit. For all you know, it could just be a front!”

I shake my head. “Don’t think so. Pretty sure one of them would be incredibly bad at acting.”

They glare at me. “Whatever you think.” They then storm off, leaving more guilt to eat away at me. Ugh, I feel like crying out of frustration.

The mold-quirked male comes up to me when Ryo leaves. “Sorry about them. They’re kinda in a bad spot with the police right now. They got a little too drunk and spat at an officer yesterday.”

“Again? I thought they learned their lesson last time from me scolding them.”

“Sadly, no. I think they’re losing control since their impulse control is gone.”

Now I’m more annoyed than guilt-ridden. Ryo is a few years older than me. They shouldn’t be such a child about it and need my help when they decide to drink too much. “Thanks for informing me, uh… sorry, I don’t think you ever told me your name.”

His eyes widened in realization. “Oh! Right! Just call me by my first name, Tadao.”

First name basis off the bat is a little weird, but he says it, so sure. “Right! Tadao, Can you keep an eye on them for me still? I’m still rather busy as you might have noticed.”

He nods. “I can do that. Just do me a favor, and try to take it easy for yourself one of these days. You seem a little worn out yourself recently.”

I shrug. “It’s more of what’s happened lately, and what’s on my mind I think.”

He seems unsure about my answer if anything about his dark brown eyes is to go by. He just nods again though and goes to follow Ryo.

I push what just happened to the back of my mind and head towards their home again. After the Ferris Wheel yesterday, Hizashi gave me a key and told me to use it to enter their house from now on since they might be too busy to answer the door. They haven’t had trouble answering the door before, but I’ve learned by now to not question Hizashi’s sporadic way of mind. It doesn’t ease the discomfort that I feel like I’m intruding by randomly entering their house though.

I unlock the door and enter to see a rather concerned Eri hugging the new stuffed animal with the dog and the bunny. “Hey, Eri. What’s wrong?”

It looks like she’s torn from being happy to see me, to having great worry. “Dad’s sick.”

Aizawa’s sick? He was just fine yesterday. I think she calls Aizawa “dad” and Hizashi “daddy” if I’ve noticed correctly. Sometimes it’s really confusing having same-sex parents and trying to know which they’re referring to. “Is Aizawa okay?” I ask, just to be sure it’s the right one.

She nods.

Hitoshi comes into the living room. “He’ll be fine. It was a quirked villain from the ambush yesterday. It’s not contagious, but he’s not allowed to go to the school for twenty-four hours. The principal said he’d have the other teachers kick him out if he enters the school. Even Recovery Girl and no one wants to deal with her wrath.”

“Recovery… Girl?”

He looks like he wants to slap himself. “Right. Uh… She’s the healer after our fights basically.”

“The name makes sense then.”

He nods. “In his shape, he can’t take care of Eri though, so we didn’t tell you to not come.”

“Sounds good,” I smirk, though internally I’m cringing at the thought of being alone with the quiet man. “So, you guys want me to check in on him a few times today as well I’m guessing?”

He rubs the back of his neck. “If you wouldn’t mind, that is. It’s obviously not something you’re hired for.”

I shrug. “It should be fine. I don’t think he’ll be very demanding of me doing things for him if I know him well enough by now.”

Hitoshi smirks in reply to me. “He’s too stubborn to even take cough medicine.”

“I didn’t expect anything different.” Seems rather childish though for a full-grown man. Not like I’d ever say that to his face though.

Hizashi comes out of what must be their bedroom and sees me. “Heya, little lovesong! Did these two fill ya in already?”

Love… song? What’s with the sudden nickname? He always seems to call people “listeners” or whatever, so maybe it’s just a more friendly type of thing?

He also makes his arms go outstretched and looks at me expectantly. He wants me to hug him? Again, this is really sudden.

Screw it, it won’t hurt anything, right? It’s just a hug. I hug him.

He squeezes a little too tightly and wouldn’t let me go for an almost awkward amount of time, even when I try to pull away.

I pat his back to try to get him to let go. “That’s long enough I think. You might want to go before you and Hitoshi are late for school.”

He lets go. “Right! C’mon, little Hypno-man!”

“Little? I’m almost as tall as you.”

“But you’re not yet!” He shouts as he bolts out the door. Hitoshi quickly goes after him. It just leaves a silence between Eri and me. I shake my head at their antics and look at Eri. “Do you think they even left him a glass of water or something before taking off?”

“Daddy gave him water before. A long time ago.”

A long time ago probably means a few hours at most. I sigh. Better check on him then. I go towards the door of their bedroom and knock on it. He doesn’t answer. Oh well, he must not need anything that badly. No, I’m not just trying to stay away from him as much as possible.

I go to walk away, but Eri gently grabs my hand and leads me back to the bedroom door.

“Why do you keep staying away from dad?” she asks.

“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to play dumb. She doesn’t need to know about adult things yet, such as not everyone will like someone. That should be their job to teach her. “Toshi and daddy notice you avoid him. He’s not mean though!”

Do I really have to tell her? Her questioning eyes are begging me to answer.

“It’s just… I don’t think your dad likes me very much. There will always be people who don’t like a person for one reason or another. I don’t know why your dad doesn’t like me, but I respect his decision and want to let him keep his space.”

“But dad doesn’t hate you!” She huffs.

That's a surprise to me. “Unless he tells me otherwise, I’m going to keep believing he does. And honestly, your dad kinda scares me.”

She looks away. “He can be kinda mean sometimes,” she looks back at me. “But he really cares for people!”

A part of me doubts it, but another part can kind of see it, especially with how he acts with Eri and Hitoshi.

I decided to try changing the topic. “I’ll check him in a bit. He probably doesn’t want to be bothered right now. Let’s go play with your stuffed animals for now.” I try to walk away again.

Yet again, she grabs my hand and drags me to the door. She opens it without knocking and makes me enter as well. I noticed the rather large bed before anything. It couldn’t have been a king. Definitely something bigger than that. It has a light red and black blanket covering the whole bed, including the paler-than-usual man under it. His eyes are open and looking at us, but surprisingly, he’s not glaring. I thought he would be from an interrupted entry…

I notice the empty glass on the nightstand next to him. “I’ll get you more water.” I then grab the glass and go to the kitchen. Eri stayed in the bedroom. While filling the glass, one of the cats rubs their head against my leg. The white eyebrows make me know who it is instantly. “Hey, Oreo! Why don’t you come to help your dad?” I ask him and shut off the sink after the glass is nearly full.

I pick him up with my free arm and carry them back into the bedroom. He immediately jumps out of my arms and goes onto the bed. Aizawa almost seems to grow a weak smile at the sight of the cat. I set the glass down back on the nightstand.

“Thanks.” He rasps, catching my surprise. I really wasn’t expecting him to thank me for it. He didn’t strike me as the type. He drinks some of it.

It’s quiet between us, and I want to do nothing but leave him be before the awkwardness gets worse. Plus, he needs all the rest he can get to heal faster. Or is the quirk he was struck with a time-based thing regardless?

Eri suddenly gets up from sitting on the floor and tugs me so she could whisper in my ear. “Talk to him!”

“I don’t think he…” I lock eyes with Aizawa who is surprisingly still not asleep and sigh. I have no idea what to talk to him about. What do you talk about to someone who has hardly ever said a word to you?

I then remember the explosive kid and nearly being hit. It’s worth a shot bringing him up I guess. “Had a close call with one of your students yesterday. Don’t know his name, but he nearly blew up my face if Midoriya wasn’t there.”

Despite his state, his eyes widen a sufficient amount.

“Toshi isn’t happy with him.” Eri pipes up with her arms crossed.

“No harm was done though, right? At least he didn’t hit me,” I shiver remembering his expression. “I’d rather not be in the line of his wrath again though. It’s terrifying to the point I almost feel bad for anything he goes against.”

“Bakugou.” He’s able to hiss it with annoyance. Okay, glad he doesn’t seem annoyed with me the same way he is with that kid.

Bakugou? Isn’t that one of the kids Midoriya told me causes the most problems in his class? “So he must be one of the kids you like to call “problem children”. Midoriya told me you call him that as well. Don’t know how he’s one, but I know if you call him that, you have a really good reason, so I’m not going to comment on it.”

“You seem rather… connected with Midoriya.” He says “connected” like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“Oh yeah! He’s a good kid. He comes around frequently with Togata,” His eyes narrow and my fond mention of Togata. He better not be getting the wrong idea, I don’t see either of them that way for obvious reasons. “It’s so great they’re able to wear dresses so comfortably. Well, Midoriya is still a bit uncomfortable, but we’ve been working on his self-esteem with Togata. I also still have to thank him for saving me from the Bakugou kid. I don’t think that could be fixed with him though from the feral energy he gives off.”

“Still have to-” he coughs. “Work on that then. He won’t be able to get anywhere if he keeps nearly injuring innocents.”

I smile at him. “I wish you the most luck with him then. You’re definitely going to need it.”

He replies with a slight nod and closes his eyes. Oreo climbs onto Aizawa’s chest and starts purring. He brings one of his arms out of the covers and pets Oreo. The cat’s purring gets louder in appreciation.

Eri lights up. “I’ll go get Mochi and Sundae!” She bolts out of the room. No! Come ba- and she’s gone.

For one stupid reason or another, I feel like confiding with him right now.

“You know, I hate to admit it, but I’m rather envious of you,” He quirks an eye open to look at me. “You have such a lovely family and a significant other that greatly cares about you. I can only hope to have a relationship like you and Hizashi in the future. It’s going to be so strange when I leave your family.”

His other eye opens to fully look at me. His eyes flash some sort of emotion I can’t read. Maybe I overstepped a boundary or said too much about myself? Shit…

“Uh… Sorry about that, Aizawa. That’s probably something stupid to go off about or to bother you with...”

“Shouta.”

“Huh?” I question, just to be sure I was correct in hearing him.

“Shouta. It’s-” he coughs again. “illogical for me to be the only one not called by my first name,” He looks at Oreo, then back at me. “You’re a part of our family. Even Oreo likes you. Sometimes not even I can pick him up.”

“A part of?... No, you’re thinking too much into it. I’m just a sitter that likes taking care of Hitoshi and Eri.”

He slightly shakes his head. “Same thing with Hitoshi. He’s never let anyone but us call him his first name. You’re different.”

I’m having a hard time accepting I’m special in any way. They must just be slightly delusional or something from having multiple bad sitters before. “I’m sure if you got a sitter similar to me, he’d have done the same thing with them.”

“Doubtful. For one, you’re the first that’s not us to not fear Hitoshi for his-” he coughs yet again. “quirk.”

Maybe I should make him stop talking so he can rest before more damage can possibly be done to his throat.

“I found Mochi!” Eri yells from somewhere outside of the room. She enters the bedroom, waddling like she did before with Mochi in her arms. He’s nearly being dragged on the floor, but only seems uninterested in helping her move. She seems to be having a slightly easier time than before carrying him. Not sure if he’s lost some weight, or if she’s gotten stronger. Maybe even both.

I laugh and go over to her to help her carry him. He’s still rather heavy. Heavy enough to cause a rather large dip in the bed when we place him on it. We place him down by Shouta’s feet. He doesn’t even move. Just flops onto his belly where he’s placed. I go over back by Shouta’s side, since that’s closer to the exit of the bedroom. I still feel like I’m intruding in their bedroom.

She immediately takes off again out of the room.

“Eri! I don’t think-” I’m interrupted by Shouta gently grabbing my hand. His hand is rather rough- probably calloused- and rather clammy. Most likely from him being ill. Uh… This is weird.

“It’s fine. The cats are a good distraction,” He lets it go before I can try to pull away. “That’s another thing. Even Eri bonded with you rather quickly. I’ve never seen her so happy to see someone besides us or Midoriya and Togata.”

I shrug. “It’s the previous sitters’ faults for not caring for her. She’s beyond adorable, and I honestly had the thought if something were to happen to her, I’d kill everyone in the room, then myself on my first day.”

He exhales his breath, almost like a chuckle. “Zashi says the same about you.”

I have no idea what to say to that. Oh! He must mean Hizashi would do the same thing for Eri, his mind is just mixed up on his words from his illness. Sounds a lot more logical than someone admitting they really like an adult they just met back then.

Eri comes in with the last and final cat, Sundae. He seems a little more uninterested in being in here than the other two. At least until Eri places him on the bed, and he sees the other two. He jumps onto Shouta’s stomach and tries to push Oreo off to take his spot on Shouta’s chest.

I can’t help but laugh. “You need a little help there?”

He grows the tiniest smile again. “No.” He pulls out his other arm from under the blanket and uses it to pet the other cat as well. That seems to do the trick as he stops trying to push Oreo off.

He coughs yet again. I feel rather bad he has to deal with it. “Would you like some tea maybe? It’s not cough medicine, but it might help your cough a bit more than the water is.”

He turns his head back towards us. His eyes again showing that unreadable emotion. “That's another thing. You’re caring. You’ve respected us the most. You didn’t even try pushing me to tolerate your presence, just accepted it.” Okay, that’s enough talking from you, you need to rest more. I swear, if he’s the type that suddenly has the urge to clean the house when sick… I’d do absolutely nothing. I obviously can’t do much against a man with years of grueling training, even when he’s sick. Might have Eri help me scold him though.

“I’ll get the tea. And do us both a favor, stop talking for now. It’s honestly great hearing you talk more for once, but now is really not the best time.”

“No promises.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day was rather uneventful, other than checking up on him a few other times. With how frequently he talked, I started to wonder if he and Hizashi somehow swapped minds. He must be one of those odd people who seem to be more talkative when sick, as clearly found out.

Leaving their house, my body freezes at the familiar feeling of being watched. For a moment, I wonder about going back into their house and asking them to bring me to my home. No, I can’t do that to them. They've already had a long day.

… At least, that’s how I felt at first. But the farther I walked, the more I wished I did. Fuck, the feeling won’t. Leave. Taking out my phone, Hitoshi is the first one to come up in my contacts.

“Hey, Y/N! Fancy seeing you around here. Heading home, huh?” Asked a familiar voice behind me. That feeling was still around, but just knowing Tadao was with me helped. I turn to face him. His hair was… Glowing green? It made him look like a glowstick, and made me wonder how I’ve never seen his hair do this before. Never met him in the dark though.

He laughs at my expression. “Mold isn’t the only thing my body can absorb. It can also do the same with fungus. Found out years ago I can make my hair glow from the bioluminescent fungus. Cool, huh?”

I smile at him. “Definitely! But you know I now have to call you glowstick, right?”

He groans. “Man, was really hoping to escape that, but I guess it’s deserved, huh?”

“It really is your fault if you don’t naturally have it.”

Because of his glowing hair, it was easy to tell he rolls his eyes. “Anyway, wanna walk with me back to the apartments? Just got off of work myself today.”

“Well, it would make sense, wouldn’t it?”

“Yep.”

We start walking.

“How’s Ryo holding up?”

He sighs. “Not well. Really starting to question their mental state. They told me this morning they don’t even want to talk to you for a few days.”

My face quickly becomes a frown. “Seriously? They’re going to act like this now?”

He shrugs. “Try not to let it get to you. We both know they can be overdramatic at times.”

I sigh. “I hate that you’re right.”

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Tag list-

@angelicblackwolf 

here ya go. hopefully it works!

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, it is the first part of my 100 follower special, the other parts are coming shortly. I’ve been really wanting to a Hanahaki fic for awhile so here it is. I also want to do some different soulmate au’s so those will be coming soon! Love you guys so much xx

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death and blood

Summary: You try to figure out how to tell your friends your sick

Prompts

Masterlist

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(y/n)’s pov

“I know this diagnosis is scary, but we’ve got a quite few options now,” Dr. Shaw smiled, though it felt a little backhanded, “Not, the only way we can guarantee your safe recovery is removal of the infection, but the good news there are plenty of doctors in the city who know how to perform the surgery so it wouldn’t take us very long at all to get you in. Alternatively, having your feelings requited will lead to the infection dying off on its own, or, you can try to resolve your own feelings. If you’d rather pursue one of those then a good first step is talking to them, as scary as that may be.”

“Okay,” I have to let everything soak in for just a minute, “Is the surgery risky?” “The actual surgery is very safe, though it will lead to the removal of your feelings for that person. The only real risk is the chance that it prevents you from falling in love in the future.”

“What are the chances that happens?”

“It’s about fifty fifty, and unfortunately there isn’t really a way for us to tell if that will be you, it’s just a risk we have to take,” she clasps her arms in front of her, “I’m not asking you to decide today, you’ve caught this very early so we’ve got a bit of time to figure things out. Until then I can recommend a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, and there’s some antibiotics I can prescribe you that will help slow the infection.”

“Okay, thank you,” I swallow the lump forming in my throat, “I think maybe I’ll try and talk to him and work it out that way.”

She nodded, “Okay, most patients opt to try that first. We can still get you into surgery later if that doesn’t work out.”

“How late can I opt in?”

“Up until the infection starts spreading, once it’s outside of your lungs the surgery won’t do anything. However, if your feelings were to change at that point or your feelings are requited, there is still a chance you’d be able to pull through,” she began scribbling things onto a notepad, “That’s still far off right now, but this disease it unpredictable, so we’ll need you to come in every week for blood work and xrays. We’ll monitor everything very closely so we’ll know if we start getting close to the point of no return so to speak.”

“Alright, I guess straight to the pharmacy then?”

She nodded, “Good girl, and you call us if you need anything. If things feel like they’re accelerating or you start coughing up a lot straight to the hospital okay?”

I nod, “Okay, thank you.”

“Of course, I’ll see you next week.”

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I took the subway to the pharmacy stuck in an odd state of numbness. Part of me wanted to cry, or scream, but I just didn’t do anything. I’m in shock until the woman behind the pharmacy counter begins speaking to me.

“Alright sweetheart what can I do for you?” “Just getting this filled,” I hand her my prescription with a forced smile.

She takes the paper, squinting at it before frowning, “Oh my…” she types a few things and sighs, “I’ll be right back,” I drum my fingers nervously on the counter while I wait for her to return, finally she does carrying a little white bag, “I know this isn’t totally appropriate but I know they only prescribe this for one thing and…” she trails off for a second, starting to blush, “Well my girlfriend had Hanahaki’s too, and she was really scared, but she ended up telling me how she felt and it was great, she recovered just like that,” she offers me a sympathetic smile, “I know this is hard but you should talk to them, I’m sure whoever they are, they’ll at least want to help.”

It’s sweet of her to say, so I thank her and shove the bag in my purse on my way out. I’m sure Peter would want to help, but he’s with someone else, and they love each other. I don’t get to confess and clear things up and live happily ever after. I have to move on, it’s the only option for me. I’m not getting that surgery and risking never falling in love again. That’s not fair. Just because I fell for the wrong person this time I have to never love again? Or die? 

I’m tearing up when I get home, and unfortunately everyone is already over. 

Betty beams at me from the couch, “Hey, how’d it go?”

“Good,” my voice shakes a little, “They think it’s just, um, allergies. I’ve got some pills that should start clearing it up.”

She nods, though all of them look a little concerned, “You’re gonna be okay then right?”

I lie through my teeth, “Nothing life threatening.”

“Okay…” she seems to buy it, but I’m sure she’ll end up drilling me on it later, “You wanna join us then?” “Sure, just, uh, give me a second,” I retreat to my bedroom, dumping my purse and jacket before clutching myself tight. I just want to cry, but I have to wait, everyone’s going to know something is wrong if I try to hide out.

I return to the living room after consoluling myself for a minute, taking a seat besides Betty on the couch, “We ordered pizza,” MJ smiles, “I got that veggie one I was telling you about.”

“Hope it’s good,” I bite my cheek, I feel guilty even talking to her.

“It’s amazing, you’re gonna love it,” she insists. 

Betty’s eyes bore into me suspiciously, “Are they really sure it’s just allergies?”

I nod, “Of course Betty, I promise I don’t need a lung transplant or something.”

“Are you sure?” she presses, “There was blood.”

“Blood?” MJ raises a brow.

Betty nods, “Yeah, she was coughing up blood last night, that’s why she even went to the doctor. It seemed worse than allergies.”

“My throat was just dry,” I try to explain, “I promise I’m fine, it’s just something in the air right now.”

“Okay,” she lets up, “But if you do need a lung transplant I’ve got you.”

“And maybe if you give (y/n) one of your lungs you two will get some sort of psychic connection,” Ned interjected, “I bet they’d make a tv show about you guys.”

Everyone starts laughing, and for the first time that day I let myself glance up at Peter. He’s so pretty, and so is his laugh, but before I can appreciate either of those things I start coughing. It’s an almost instant reminder that I can’t do that. Something tickles in my throat so I quickly stand up.

“Are you okay?” Peter frowns at me. I nod quickly, “Just need some water,” I cover my mouth with my hand as I struggle to pour myself some water. 

I bend over the sink to make sure none of them can see the petal I cough up. I know it must be a begonia. Last finals week was really stressful for me, and in the middle of the week Peter had dragged me away from the cave I was studying in to relax for a while. He took me to this cute little market and bought me some flowers while we were out, begonias.

I shove the petal down the garbage disposal and wash away the blood, I’ll have to figure out what to do when I start coughing up more, full flowers too. 

“Are you sure you're good?” Betty questions when I stand back up, I swear she has xray vision or something. 

“Yeah, better now,” I take a big swig of my water, “I’ll be good as new in a few days.”

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“Make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Morrison picks a notebook up off her desk. She seems very nice, I just hope she’ll be able to help me work through some of my feelings, “I’m really glad you came here, therapy can be scary, especially in your situation, so coming here is already a step in the right direction.”

“Thanks, I’m still a little nervous, but anything to help.”

She gives one kurt nod and glances down at her notepad, “Absolutely. I’d like to know what your intention is here so I can know how to help you best. Do you intend to get surgery?” I shake my head, “No, I’m not gonna get the surgery. I want to just try and move on.”

“Alright, is this person aware of your feelings?”

I shake my head, “No, he’s with someone else so that isn’t really an option for me.”

She nods, “Okay, can I ask his name?”

“Peter.”

“Peter,” she repeats, scribbling a few things down, “Are you two close?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Is he aware that you're sick?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Why’s that?”

“I know they’d ask who and I don’t know what to tell them yet, and it’s still new. I mean I want to tell them eventually, but I think I still need some time.”

“Of course, you need to process everything first, that’s perfectly reasonable. I do encourage you to tell them though, having a good support system is going to help you feel a lot better, and you can always let them know you just don’t feel comfortable telling them who it is.”

“I will.”

She smiled, “So, what do you like about Peter?”

I blush, “Everything I guess, he’s smart and he’s funny and I always feel really good when I’m with him. I don’t know, we just kind of click.”

“You two spend a lot of time together?”

I nod, “Yeah, we hang out all the time, I probably see him more than my actual roommate.”

“How would you feel about spending less time together?”

“He’s my best friend, why would I do that?”

“Separation is going to help you move on, I’m not saying stop being friends or avoid him, but giving yourself space from him is going to be good for you.”

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I feel like therapy went well, I feel more hopeful when we finish, although I’m definitely tired. She told me the goal is to get me really comfortable with my feelings so I can move on. I decided to set myself a goal afterwards, I want to tell Betty before my next session, a week from today. I can’t hide it from her for too long anyway, we live together after all, and she’s already convinced there’s something more than just allergies going on. I debate even telling her when I get home, but Peter and Ned are in the living room, and I’m still not sure I’m ready.

“Hey,” Peter smiles to me as I walk in, “How was work?” “Fine. I didn’t realize you guys were coming over.”

“Oh yeah, we’re going to the movies. You should come, MJ is gonna meet us there.”

Dr. Morrison said separation is good, and I don’t really want to be their fifth wheel anyway.

“I think I’ll stay home,” I clutch my purse nervously, “Thanks for offering though.”

His lips pulled to a slight frown, “You sure? MJ picked some weird art film, it’d be more fun if you came.”

“Yeah, work was actually pretty tiring and I still have a bit of homework…”

“Okay,” his cheeks just barely dust pink, “Next time then?”

I nod, “Of course, you guys have fun,” I scurried to my room as quick as I could.

I don’t know what exactly made me start crying, I mean I’ve cried every night this week so maybe it’s just the overwhelming feelings again, but I think it was Peter. I don’t want to have to pull away from my best friend, I just wish I loved him the way I was supposed to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it just makes me feel gross. 

I end up hiding out until they leave, then I return to the kitchen for some hot cocoa and comfort food. I calm down a bit, but I’m still a little teary eyed when I pass out on the couch. I don’t know how long I get to sleep for, but what ends up waking me up is the front door opening. I peer through groggy sleepy eyes, expecting to find Betty, ready to scold me for not going to bed.

What I didn’t expect was Peter. 

He bent down beside me and set a hand on my cheek, “Wake up sleepy head, I know this couch isn’t that comfortable.”

“Hey,” I yawn before rolling onto my back, I push my arms up in an attempt to push the sleepiness out of my body, “Where is everyone?”

“Betty is back at mine and Ned’s, I came by just to talk to you, but it can wait,” he smiles and offers me a hand, “Come on bunny, I’ll take you to bed.”

I shake my head, “I’m up, what did you want to talk about?”

He blushes, “Let me help you to bed first.”

“I’m a big girl Peter, I can put myself to bed. What’s on your mind?”

He sits besides me with a sigh, “It wanted to make sure you’re okay, you’ve just seemed a little off this week.”

“It’s just allergies P, I’ll feel better in no time.”

“I don’t think so,” he frowns, “I don’t think allergies forget how to talk to your best friend.” 

“I didn't, I just don’t feel very good.”

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me if you’re upset with me or something…”

I laugh, “Peter why would I be upset with you?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just seemed off every time I’ve seen you this week.”

“Well it’s not you Peter, I just don’t feel very good. If I were upset with you I would just tell you.”

“Okay,” he accepts my answer though he doesn’t seem totally satisfied by it. Who am I kidding? It’s Peter, he always knows when something’s up. “You know I’m always here for you right?”

I nod, “I’m here for you too Peter.”

He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses the top of my head, “We could hang out for a little while, play some games or something.”

“I’m still pretty tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed,” I blush as I stand, “Maybe some other time.”

His smile falls but he nods, “Okay, but it has to be soon. I miss hanging out.”

“Soon,” I agree, “I miss it too.”

He stands and pulls me into a hug, placing another kiss on the top of my head, “I’m sorry about whatever’s going on, you know I love you tons.”

It takes every ounce of my willpower not to burst into tears, to not break down and just tell him the truth. I can’t though, I know I can’t. It’s not his fault he doesn’t love me the way that would fix everything, he loves someone else and I want that for him, even if it makes me jealous, even if it kills me. I just want Peter to be happy. 

“I love you too.”

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This morning Betty nearly caught me tossing a petal out the window, making it very clear that I’ll have to tell her soon. I’d much rather tell her than have her just find out, I just don’t know how. I think I should just sit her down and tell her, but I just want to sugar coat it somehow, make it seem better than it is. I’m trying to figure out some way to do that when I get called up to the pharmacy counter. I barely even realize I know the girl behind the counter this time. Adeline, MJ’s roommate.

“Oh hey,” she smiles to me, “Are you okay with me filling your prescription? I can totally grab someone else.”

I know she’ll know if I let her fill the prescription, it’s a little scary, but there’s enough separation between us that it feels okay, like a warm up.

“I don’t mind,” I smile back, “Just don’t tell everyone about the pills I’m popping.”

She laughs, “I’ll keep it to myself,” she turns to her computer, typing away before squinting at the screen, then it seems to hit her, “(y/n)...” she turns to me with a frown, “Do you?...”

I nod, “Yeah, but like I said, don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course,” she pursed her lips, “I’ll be right back.”

It was worse than I thought, Adeline and I aren’t super close, we get along, but we never hang out outside of group get togethers or parties. I didn’t expect her to look so upset or concerned, I thought she’d just tell me she was sorry, that she hoped I got better. It makes me scared of how everyone else is going to react.

“Here you go,” she frowned as she passed the little white bag to me, “You haven’t told anyone?”

I shake my head, “Not yet.”

“Really? Not even Betty, o-or Peter?”

“No one, I’m going to, just kind of figuring out how.”

She nods, “Yeah, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m gonna get better, it’s just a little scary for now.”

“Of course,” she smiles, but it’s one of those sad smiles I have a hard time looking at, “I, um, if there’s anything I can do just let me know. I could help you tell everyone,” she blushed suddenly, “When you’re ready of course. Just, uh, maybe it’d be easier to get it out of the way all at once you know?”

“Thank you.” It’s not a bad idea actually, maybe it would be easier than telling everyone individually. Then I just have to explain it once and answer all the questions once. I don’t have to answer all the questions over and over. It might balance out the reactions too. “That might be nicer actually, and you could probably help explain the medical stuff a bit more.”

She nodded, “Yeah, definitely, I mean do it however you need to, but if I can help in any way just let me know.”

“Thanks Adeline, I’ll think about it,” I give her an awkward little wave as I walk away.

I start making a pros and cons list in mind, weighing both of my options to try and figure out the best way to go about this, of course my thoughts are then interrupted by a phone call. Peter.

He’s been trying to get together, and this time I really have been avoiding him, following the advice of my therapist. I don’t know if it’s helping, I think about him just as much, the thoughts are just sadder now, but it’s what I have to do. My therapist knows how to get me better, and I have to get better or I’ll never get to see him, or anyone. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that, I hate lying to him. 

“Hello?”

“Hey bunny,” he sounds chipper as ever, “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Well I’m okay right now, but I would be a thousand times better if you came over and helped me study?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” I glance around me, trying to think of something, “I have to go grocery shopping.”

“How about I come help you then?”

“I thought you needed to study?”

“I do but,” he pauses for a minute, “I know you said you aren’t avoiding me, but you know it went from not talking as much to suddenly we haven’t even seen each other in days.”

“Well why do we need to hang out all the time anyway? Just go hang out with MJ.” 

I don’t mean to sound as angry as I do, I’m just so frustrated. It’s not easy keeping this all to myself.

He stays quiet and then sighs. “You’ve been acting weird since you went to the doctor, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m worried about you.”

“Nothing’s going on Peter,” I frown and wrap an arm around myself, “I’m just busy today alright?”

“You’re busy everyday.”

“I’m not, I’m just busy right now…” I sigh and hang up, I just don’t really know what to say to him.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

After my awkward phone call with Peter I decided it would be best for me to tell everyone at once. I just need to get it out of the way, rip the bandaid off. So I texted Adeline, and she proposed that she and MJ would have everyone at their place to hang out today. She said it was gonna just be dinner and some party games, and everyone agreed to go. I told Betty and Ned I’d meet them there so I’d have a bit of alone time to get ready. I wanted just a bit alone just to prepare what I’m going to say and everything, I want this to go well. I want to walk into therapy tomorrow and tell her all about how I told my friends and I have this amazing support system.

A coughing fit interrupts my attempt to hype myself up in the mirror, it’s much more violent than they have been. The petals tickle a bit, and there’s usually a bit of blood, but it’s never like this. As a bit of blood splatters in the sink I hear what I assume is Betty coming back to retrieve some forgotten item. I kick the bathroom door closed and hope she just ignores me. Instead the door almost instantly starts creaking open.

“I’m fine!” I lean over the sink, trying to cover it with my hair, “Just give me a second!” I choke on my words.

The hand that’s set on my back is distinctly not Betty’s, “Jesus Christ are yo-” Peter stops mid sentence, just as the full flower falls out of my mouth, followed by a streak of blood. The full ones are much harder to cough up than the petals.

“I’m fine,” I quickly try to think of someway to explain this, “That was just in my hai-”

He seizes my wrist as I attempt to turn on the sink and wash away the evidence, “Did you cough up that flower?”

I flush, “Did you break into my house?”

“Betty gave me her keys so I could pick you up and figure out why you’ve been avoiding me! Now tell me what the hell is going on!” he demanded in the most concerned, Peter-like way he possibly could. 

I take a deep breath, glancing at the mess in the sink before I finally answer, “I have Hanahaki’s disease.”

His eyes dart between me and the sink, seeming to debate his next words carefully, “How long have you known?”

“About two weeks.”

“Were you even going to tell me?”

I nodded, “I was going to tell everyone tonight.”

He dropped my wrist and pushed a hand through his hair, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, “W-Well it’s not that bad right? I mean there’s surgery, a-and I’m sure if you just talk to him he probably feels the same way.”

“He’s with someone else Peter, he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love you.” When I finally did meet his eyes they were glossy, and his cheeks were red.

“He doesn’t Peter, I just have to move on.”

“I’m sure he does, just tell me who and we ca-”

“I’m not telling you who he is. This isn’t his fault and I don’t want anyone to blame him or make him feel bad about it.”

“It is his fault!” he snapped before sighing, “Okay fine, you don’t want to talk to him, but there’s still surgery right? I know surgery is scary but this one’s pretty safe isn’t it?”

I nod, “It is, but there’s the risk of me not being able to love anyone again, so I’m not getting the surgery.”

“What?”

“I’m not getting the surgery, I’m just going to have to move on.”

“Okay but if that doesn’t work you’re going to get the surgery right?”

My cheeks dust pink as I shake my head, “No.”

His jaw is locked, his whole body tense, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry. “You have to get it.”

“I’m not getting the surgery Peter, but you don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna move on and get better.”

“Are you kidding me?!” he snaps, “Telling me you’ll get better isn’t good enough! I understand if you want to try and move on first, but if that doesn’t work then you’re getting that surgery.”

“I’m not getting it at all Peter.”

“So you’re just going to die?!” his bottom lip started quivering, it startled me, I didn’t expect anyone to cry, “I’m not going to lose you just because some asshole doesn’t love you back! It’s not fair and I’m not letting it happen!”

“It’s not your choice Peter,” I hug myself because I have no idea what else to do, “Nothing is going to happen to me, I’ll be able to move on and I’ll be just fine. But, if for some reason that doesn’t happen, I really need you to respect my decision on this.”

A couple tears fell down his cheeks and he shook his head, “You cannot ask me to just sit back and watch you die.”

“I’m not, Peter I am going to be fine. I’m on medication that helps slow it down, and I’m seeing a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, she’ll help me move on and I’ll be okay.”

“That isn’t good enough. There’s no guarantee you get better that way and that isn’t good enough for me.”

“I’m sorry Peter, but I can’t give you any other answers. I’m not getting the surgery, even if that kills me. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, and I’m so sorry, but that’s all I can give you.”

A few more tears escape and he pulls me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went to my waist. We stay that way for a second, he rests his head atop mine while I wonder what to do. I don’t really know how to make him feel better, I don’t even know if I can.

Peter is the one to finally break the silence. “Who is he?”

“It’s not important Peter.” “Yes it is! You think he’s worth dying over!” his voice cracks and I pull away. It’s really hard to see him cry, and I can feel my own eyes starting to sting at the sight. “You won’t even reconsider it for your best friend so I wanna know what’s so fucking great about him.”

I start crying while I realize I can’t ever tell anyone it’s him. I can’t risk Peter finding out, I don’t ever want to put that on him. “It’s not about who he is Peter, I just don’t want to risk never falling in love with anyone ever again. I know some people are okay with that, but I’m not, love is important to me and I don’t think I’d ever be totally happy knowing I couldn’t have that. None of this is on him, he’s a really great guy, I love him a lot and I know you would to. I don’t want anyone to blame him or be upset with him or anything.”

“Well I hate him,” he snapped, “And it doesn’t matter what you say about him. My mind is made up and I think he’s a dick.”

“You can feel however you need Peter, but he’s a good person, the best I know,” I wiped his eyes, “Can you please keep this just between us for me? I really need to tell everyone on my own terms.”

“I won’t say anything,” he promised before pulling me to him again, “Do you think we could just ditch tonight? I really want to talk, just us, and I want to know what’s going on. I need to be able to help however I can.”

 I nodded, “Yeah, I can make something up.”

He nuzzled his nose against the top of my head before pressing a kiss to the same spot, “Thank you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I ended up texting Adeline, who assured me she’d cover for us so we didn’t have to stress out about it. Peter watched my every move while I washed the blood out of the sink and threw the flower out of my bedroom window. Luck for me, he didn’t notice what kind of flower it was, or at least he didn’t comment on it. Actually he just sat on the edge of my bed, honestly I think he was just too caught up in his own thoughts to actually process what was going on. 

“So, did you have some questions?” I asked as I closed my window and took a seat besides him. He nodded, “Yeah, a few. Do you have some kind of timeline of how it’s going to progress?”

“Well the medicine I’m taking will slow everything down, right now it seems like mine is slow moving and my doctor thinks I’ll have a few months, but it’s really unpredictable. Things could get worse very quickly, but she said that’s pretty unlikely in my case. The coughing will get worse and there will be a lot more flowers and blood, but physically I’ll be pretty okay until the end. As for healing, I have until pretty much the last moments for my feelings to be reciprocated or to move on.”

“What about the surgery?”

“They’re able to perform it until the infection moves outside of my lungs. If I get to that point they’ll hospitalize me, but it won’t get to that point.”

“How long would you have if it did?”

“A few days max, I mean they’ll do everything they can to keep me going as long as possible, but there isn’t much they can do at that point.”

He clenched his hands and gave one stiff nod, “You said your therapist specializes in this?”

“Yeah, and she’s really great, she’s going to help me move on and sort out my feelings and all that. She does a lot of work with patients and their families, and she’s got a really good reputation. I really like her so far.”

“Do you think it’s helping so far?” “Well I’ve only gone once so far, but I feel like I can do this. You can look her up if you want, her name is Raina Morrison.”

“I will,” he assured before taking my hands in his, “Are you going to see her again soon?”

“Yeah, tomorrow actually. That’s why I wanted to tell everyone tonight.” He blushed, “I mean it’s still good you told someone right?”

I nodded, “I think so. It was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be.” 

I’m a little nervous about seeing her now, I’m worried that telling Peter wasn’t good. She told me separation was a good thing, that it will help me move on, I’m worried I won’t be able to do that now. Peter’s really protective, he cares a lot about everyone, I really love that about him, and I don’t know if I have the heart to tell him that we can’t spend time together. I don’t even know what explanation to give him now.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that. I’m sure it’s not good for you.”

“It’s okay, having you guys know will be better for me, I need to have my friends support in this, it’ll make everything easier.”

“Maybe we can just love you enough that he won’t matter anymore,” the smile he gives is weak and forced, he still looks like he might cry again.

I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. I know he loves me plenty, it’s just not the right kind of love.

“Thank you Peter,” I just ended up hugging him again.

He held me tight against his chest, “If you wanted I could help you talk to everyone, even if you end up doing it one on one. Maybe it would be easier to have me there.” 

“It’d be nice to have you there,” I pulled away to keep from crying again, “You, uh, you’ll get it now if I’m a little evasive right?”

A look of confusion overcame his face, “No. What reason could you possibly have to avoid me now?” his bottom lip started quivering again, “You might not… No, I won’t get it, we should be spending every second together that we can.”

“I need alone time to process my feelings, that’s how I’ll get better.”

“Then I won’t say anything!” his cheeks had flushed again in an instant, “I can sit there and be quiet and do nothing, but I need to be there for you. I need to spend as much time with you as I can…”

“Peter you don’t need to start savoring your time with me or make all these precious memories or anything like that. I’m gonna get better,” I squeezed his hands tight and smiled to him, “And it would help a lot if you believed that too, because right now it kind of seems like you’ve already decided I’m going to die.”

“I do believe that, I know you’ll get better,” he sighed, “B-But what if something happens? What if you’re all alone and you just need someone? I should be here, I want to be here.”

How was I ever supposed to argue with that? I can’t tell him he can’t be here for me, I don’t want to tell him he can’t.

“Maybe we should watch a movie or something before we start crying again?”

He nodded and cleared his throat, “Good idea. Maybe something funny?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

We threw on some supposedly funny movie, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know if Peter was, but he seemed out of it too. We just sort of stared at the screen until everyone came back to my place. I had to get up from where I was laying with Peter and pretend I had food poisoning as Adeline told them. Really I just wanted to go to bed, the day had been extremely draining.

“Hey guys,” I smiled at them, doing my best to look sickly. 

Betty smiled sympathetically to me, “Hey, you feeling any better?”

I nod, “Yeah, I threw up a bit but I think I can just sleep it off. Don’t worry, Peter has babied me plenty.”

 “Well between that and the cough I think you need a little babying,” she wiggled a small container at me, “I brought you left overs for when you feel better.”

“I brought some for you too,” MJ added, flashing Peter a smile, “There in the car.”

“Thanks,” his cheeks dusted pink and I just prayed he wouldn’t give anything away, “I think I’m gonna stay with (y/n) tonight though, just in case she gets worse.”

“I’m sure she’s had enough of you hovering for one night Peter,” her smile dropped almost instantly, “I thought we were hanging out.”

I wonder if they’ve been fighting or something. A wave of guilt washes over me for avoiding Peter, for not asking if there was something he needed to talk about too. 

“We were together last night,” he frowned at her, “You know (y/n) and I haven’t hung out in awhile, and she’s sick, I should stay with her.”

“You two hung out all night and I’m sure her best friend and roommate is more than capable of making sure she doesn’t die in the middle of the night.”

Peter’s jaw clenches and I interject in the fear they may start arguing if I don’t, “Yeah, I mean thank you for taking care of me, but I’ll be fine. I’m probably just going to go to bed anyway, you should go hang out with MJ.”

His cheeks dusted pink and he nodded, “O-Okay, just as long as you're good…”

“I’m good,” I assured, “It’s been a long night, I really just want to get some sleep.”

MJ smiled, “See? You’re driving her crazy, just let the girl get some sleep.”

“I’m just taking care of her,” he snapped.

We were all quiet, Peter and MJ are always so mellow. I mean they act like they’ve been married for forty years, they don’t really fight. As long as I’ve known them they’ve just been… 

Stagnant I guess.

“Well she just said she doesn’t need to be taken care of so no need to smother her, right (y/n)?”

I just nod, “Yeah, I’m good. Peter go hang out with girlfriend, I don’t need to be babysat.”

He frowned, a small huff left his lips before he nodded, “Sure, whatever, let’s just go,” he gave me an awkward sort of side hug and called, “Text me!” before leaving with MJ, both seeming annoyed with the other.

Part 2

[clefairymuke]

regrets | chapter fifteen

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 1663

Monotonous.

That was the best word you could come up with to describe the past week. The days lulled on without change as you unfortunately pined after Levi, who still seemed to pay you no mind -- but today would be different. You had formed a hypothesis. It was lofty, optimistic guesswork with no actual backing, but it was a hypothesis nonetheless. If  you placed the right kind of pressure on Levi, then he would admit exactly what you wanted to hear. Your sadness about the situation, as melancholy typically does, had turned to spiteful anger; you needed to prove him wrong. Even if it amounted to nothing, even if you were left with sadness yet again.

"You want me to what?" Jean asked you in a whisper, face drawn up in disgust. You laughed at him before retraining your eyes on the back of Levi's head. His hair had been cut recently. It looked nice.

"Come on, Jean. It won't be that bad. It's just for a few days at most. I'll hate it just as much as you will. It's a game," you replied just as quietly. Despite his protests, you knew it wouldn't take too much convincing. He cared about you too much to tell you no. You gave him your most sincere puppy-dog eyes, watching the disgust on his face morph to a mix of disappointment and amusement. Score.

"I'll do it," he conceded, laying his forehead in his palm. You knew it wouldn't take much effort. Your plan, albeit a little childish, was what you had deemed a sure-fire experiment to test your hypothesis. Hange would be proud.

Levi, as careless as he may seem, irrefutably had anger as his foremost emotion. He was quick to it, and he wore it well. With such constant anger came many things: a gentle side well-contrasted by the rough exterior that ruled others' perception -- proven true; a likely mix of mood swings and impulsivity -- also relatively evident; and, most importantly, a tendency toward jealousy -- completely unproven but heavily suspected. You relied on that suspicion to make sense of the mixed signals he had given you.

You'd been considering it for days; after a while, you grew weary of being ignored. It beat down on you like a rain shower, leaving you to helplessly question the meanings of fleeting moments within the confines of the infirmary. Being unsure was decidedly the worst part. An explicit yes-or-no answer was annoyingly required to calm your racing mind -- accepting his words at face value was impossible.

You followed the outline of his jaw with your eyes as he spoke to Hange, who was sitting at his side. He always looked so well put together. You fantasized about his hair in disarray and his clothes hanging loose -- how he looked on the morning after the night you spent together. You had long grown past embarrassment; every self-pitying thought soon became validating as the nights in the infirmary consolidated into your definition of Levi. You were sure, entirely, that this newfound attitude towards you was all for show. Otherwise, how could someone so callous become so gentle?

His collected gaze was aimed anywhere that wasn't at you. Jean's stories of certain stolen glances when you weren't looking were enough to assure you that he wasn't as unbothered as he seemed. Sometimes you wished you could catch his eye just to send him a soft smile -- to remind him that the two of you weren't just unreasonably disliked acquaintances. You were almost tired of being mad at him; unfortunately for him, however, you were quick to anger, too.

When you were dismissed to training, you weren't slow to get up. You tossed your tray atop the stack of others and made your way out the door, other scouts surrounding you to form a crowd. Jean put his arm around you when you found yourself outside the door; but, instead of swinging it casually around your shoulders, he slid it snugly around your waist. You watched as he shook his head, eyes rolling so hard you were sure they'd come out of their sockets.

When you looked back, you swore for a moment that you met a pair of narrowed grey eyes.

---

The training exercise was your least favorite of them all: the insufferable wooden-titan practice you'd done a month or so before. You fell in line with the rest of your comrades, your gaze traveling to Levi's stance atop a tree branch. He was leading this exercise, and although it was better for your experiment, it was hard to ignore how hard he had been on you. Slack didn't seem to be in his vocabulary. You wanted to do well.

You all lied in wait for his go-ahead, your hands positioned over the triggers on your gear. It would be your first time using ODM again; luckily, legs weren't really necessary. You looked forward at the back of Bertholdt's head, knowing Jean stood a few feet behind you. Last time you finished -- third? Maybe second? You were confident you could do it again.

You saw Levi travel towards the middle of the group of trees for a better view. "Alright," he called, several yards away. "Go."

It only took a few seconds to realize you were rusty when you fell to the middle of the group. Jean had already passed you, along with Connie and Sasha. Nearly a month out of training had done more damage than you thought. You fought to stay ahead of the curve, your eyes failing you to glance at Levi's disappointed face. You made eye contact for a split second, your chest swelling against your will. A lift of his eyebrow forced your line of sight forward as you narrowly missed a tree branch. He scoffed, loud enough for you to hear him. How embarrassing.

Whether by luck or underestimation, you were surprised that several scouts remained in the exercise when you landed. Levi had moved towards the edge of the trees now, so you could still see him from your place in the grass. You wondered if he knew, and if he had glanced your way, too. Your plan relied on the fact that he had and would again.

You waltzed to where Jean stood, away from the others and sipping from his canteen. You slid your hand into his, fingers interlocking as he gagged playfully. "Your hands are sweaty," he said, discomfort clear in his tone.

You laughed, squeezing his hand. "Yours just feel greasy. Have you washed them recently?" The two of you continued joking back and forth as your eyes darted over your shoulder at Levi. You told yourself that acting as if you didn't even notice him would be the best way to go; it was difficult, though. You wanted to gauge every reaction as clearly as you could -- that's how experiments work, right?

You caught him staring for the very first time. When you met his eyes, his gaze did not falter. He simply lowered one eyebrow inconspicuously. You looked away as quickly as you could to hide the triumphant grin spreading across your face; he had seen, and he didn't look happy. The experiment, though, was not yet complete. You wanted more.

As the last few scouts landed, you and Jean took a seat, hands still interlocked in the clammiest, most uncomfortable form of physical affection you had experienced to date. To make matters worse, you decided to lay your head snugly in the slope from his neck to his shoulder. Of course, you and Jean were not strangers to physical affection, as most close friends weren't. Nonetheless, the connotation behind the prolonged hand-holding and casually romantic cuddling was uncomfortable at best. You were lucky he couldn't tell you no. Another strike of luck was that everyone was used to seeing the two of you close and comfortable, and it would be difficult to anyone not intently watching to notice a difference; were there any downsides to having a male best friend?

"Is he looking?" you whispered nudging Jean with your shoulder.

"I don't know," he whispered back, "I'm facing the same way as you."

You snorted. "No shit. Just look around. Don't make it obvious."

You felt his head turning, looking both ways out at the scouts that surrounded you. "Okay, yeah. He's looking. He didn't even look away when he saw me. He looks pissed."

You smiled. Your hypothesis was not far from being proven true; you just needed another push. "You're not going to want to do this," you told Jean, trying to hide the mischievous grin overtaking your face.

"I'm not doing it. No way."

"Jean, please!"

"Nope. Not happening."

"It'll only last a second," you said in the most convincing tone you could muster.

"This is a stupid plan," he answered, a sigh of concession building in his lungs. You had won, yet again.

"Just kiss me. Fuck, it's only once."

And so he did. He tasted like the disgusting soup you had eaten for lunch. It lasted only a couple of seconds, but you were subject to the time-slowing force that only came from ecstasy and torture. This time, it was the torture kind. When he pulled away, you forced a grin for show. Through your teeth, you said, "I think that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Ever."

He laughed, squeezing your hand. "It couldn't have been worse than what just happened to me. Remind me to wash out my mouth with soap later." You looked over your shoulder to see Levi still staring, his jaw set in anger. What could be more satisfying?

When you were all dismissed from the exercise, you were sure to walk slowly as you and Jean swung your conjoined hands back and forth. Surely real couples don't hold hands this long, you thought; this much sweat can't be comfortable. Before you saw him, you heard Levi's voice at your side.

"Get cleaned up and get to my office. I need a word with you."

Had it really been this easy the whole time?

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

you didn’t mean to say “I love you” (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

“I love you...”

“What...?” You asked incredulously, disbelief even in your expression as Katsuki just stared at you angrily, form trembling as if even he couldn’t believe the words he just said to you. But then his crimson eyes widened when he heard a snicker leave you as you chuckled and shook your head.

Summary: After everything that’s happened from the war with the Paranormal Liberation Front and after yet another brush with death, Katsuki finally tells you how he feels about you.

Pairing: Bakugou X Reader Warning: Language, angst, mentions of mental health issues, spoiler alerts for the recent chapters Word Count: 11.4 k

Happy early holidays y'all~. Been forever! But I managed to freaking do this! Let's see what else I can write out. :3 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvj6PE3gN4o

You couldn’t stop the loud yawn leaving you as you fought your way out of a sleeping spell, because you reminded yourself that you couldn’t just fall asleep in a public park especially since you were out with your friends Izuku and Shoto, along with your puppy Taromaru. Whom looked up at you with a concerned little whine.

“Are you tired (Y/N)?” Shoto politely asked, just as concerned as your little puppy was because that was about the fifth time you’ve yawned, and yes, he kept count of it. “A bit… but that’s pretty normal for me.” You gave him a lopsided smile and shrugged your shoulders, even though that didn’t ease his concern, or Izuku’s as he looked at you with worried eyes. “Have you been sleeping well (Y/N)-chan?” He’s been one of your best friends alongside Katsuki, the three of you practically grew up together, and while Katsuki liked to keep his distance, you stuck by Izuku and gladly invited Shoto into your friend group and you liked to hang out with them. Katsuki on the other hand? As much as you adored your boyfriend, you knew that he preferred to be by himself and was easily annoyed whenever Izuku and Shoto were around, and with you especially. It’s been like that lately, but you didn’t get it, you just assumed Katsuki was being Katsuki. “Oh honey I haven’t slept well since I was in kindergarten.” You chuckled lightly, even though Izuku looked a little bit serious, and that made you sigh. “I know, I need to work on it… but honestly it’s just… a lot right now you know? Tests and… stuff… after everything… Guys… it’s been what? 6- or 7-months tops since we got out of a fucking war? And we’re still doing this bullshit? I just wish they’d give us a break but they’re not… makes me wonder just… how long and I keep going… in fact… sometimes I don’t even think I can… I can’t keep up with you guys… and that just… really makes me feel like garbage, worse than that… I just… if I close my eyes, I wish I could close them and skip through all of this…” 

Averting your eyes, you stared at your lap when you spoke up a little bit about how exhausted you were and how stressed out you had been feeling because it’s been too much for you. You and your friends literally survived the war with the Paranormal Liberation Front, and not everyone came out of it unscathed. There were things you were never going to unsee, your friend’s terrified faces, Aizawa-sensei’s prosthetic limb after cutting off his own leg, and then your Izuku and Katsuki barely coming out of it alive when the smoke eventually cleared.

You almost lost your best friends; you almost lost your Katsuki… There’s no way you were okay, and it was so hard to go to sleep at night sometimes when you thought too hard on it. It was so hard to even look at your boyfriend without thinking about the horrible, traumatic things he had to endure. Even before fighting Shigaraki. It was just hard, hard to acknowledge that you almost lost him. “Aroooooo…” You only perked up when Taromaru whimpered, nuzzling against your leg as if trying to comfort you as you looked down at the sweet pup, unable to help but smile at him and reached down to pet his head. “It’s okay (Y/N)-chan.” Izuku seemed to follow Taromaru’s lead as he gave you a soft smile, wanting to reassure you even though you were sad, he wanted to make you feel better somehow. “I… I understand what you’re saying, and why you feel the way you do… Believe me I’m… still trying to readjust even after all of that. It was… scary. We got out alive, but it’s almost like it happened yesterday… and I think about our friends, how we fought so hard just to stay alive and keep everyone else alive and-.” As he spoke, you put your arm around him and rested your head on his shoulder as a way to comfort him. Even if Izuku wasn’t the most expressive when it came to his own horrors, he still understood why you felt the way you did. However, you still knew that deep down his own suppressed trauma was starting to emerge so you offered him some comfort, and distracted him as he squeaked at the closeness and began to blush heavily at the feeling of your skin on his. “(Y-Y/N)-chan…!” “I’m so glad we got out alive… all of us…” You said softly with a little smile, that’s one thing Izuku was right about. All of you were alive, and all of you made it out alive. Just not quite the same, everything returned to normal, but some were still having nightmares after the war. Naturally, you gravitated towards the ones who needed the comfort because it distracted you from your own inner turmoil and because you were more worried about your friends than you were yourself. “(Y/N).” It was Shoto’s turn to say something, and you looked up to see him and pay attention, “Midoriya’s right. It is okay, but… it’s also okay, if you’re not okay. What you feel right now… it’s okay. Although… you will need to get more sleep, it won’t be okay if you fall asleep in class, or in a park…” Shoto knew how to reassure you, which surprised you but the boy was more empathetic than people took him for. And he made you smile because he was so understanding, that you felt a little more validated, glad to know that it was okay that you weren’t in the best spirits as of now. You picked your head up, giving him a nod and a smile. “Hee-hee… if I fall asleep in this park… I got you guys to wake me up don’t I?” You made a small joke, and made the two boys chuckle and smile at you, and Taromaru happily barked with a cheerful ‘arf’! “And we have Taromaru to be on guard for us.” Grinning, you pat your lap to gesture Taromaru to do jumpies, as the little pup leaped up and sat on your lap, earning a bigger smile from Izuku as he pet the small pup. Something Shoto couldn’t help but find very endearing, while he’s petted more cats before, Taromaru was a sweet dog, and he took a liking to the little guy as he gave him a small pet on the head. Only to cringe a little bit when he felt the little pup’s warm tongue lick at his palm. But this just made you and Izuku laugh out loud when you saw the look on his face, neither one of you seeing the light pink tinting his cheeks. And neither of you saw nor sensed that Katsuki was around and paused just in time to see you, Izuku and Shoto just talking about things, about how all of you felt, and then he watched the three of you just laughing and smiling together… He watched the scene with an indiscernible expression. He wondered where the hell you were at, and Denki said that you were with Izuku and Shoto at the park with Taromaru. Which alone infuriated Katsuki because you didn’t even bother telling him where you went and he had to have Denki tell him. Now you were with Deku and Icyhot? That didn’t surprise him, but it still bugged him. You’ve been doing that for far too long, and Katsuki began to wonder why them? And why not him? Was it because he wasn’t the best boyfriend sometimes? He had a feeling that had to be why, but it still bothered him. He’s known about your terrible eating habits, sleeping habits and poor health overall. You weren’t the best at taking care of yourself, he knew whenever you were down, and he called you on your bullshit several times, and even though you opened up. You didn’t open up nearly as much as you did to Izuku and Shoto. But why? Why couldn’t you open up to him? Why couldn’t you give him that kind of attention? Why didn’t you talk to him? Why couldn’t you confide in him when he knows damn well about what you were talking about too? All of you were there during the war and witnessed horrible things happening and experienced physical or emotional pain, so why weren’t you talking to him about it? He understood, he really did understand so why didn’t you come to him? These thoughts were screaming in his head as he narrowed his eyes, just seeing you laughing without a care in the world with those two, playing with your dog and probably forgetting that he even existed. He couldn’t take it anymore, he clenched his fists and sucked in a breath before leaving in a huff. You remained oblivious for some time until you and the guys decided that it was a good idea to get back to the dorms. Maybe a good nap would also help, and you had your Taromaru to make you feel comfortable too as you, Izuku and Shoto walked you back to the dorms. “Well… I’ll see you guys later okay? Tell your mamas I said ‘hi’ okay?” Izuku and Shoto told you on the way that they were going to visit their families, they had been doing that a little more as of late but especially after everything that had happened. Which you understood as they both smiled at you and nodded, reassuring you that they would definitely tell them that you said ‘hi’ as they both walked away and waved at you. Smiling, you waved at them as they left and walked back into the dorm building with your eager puppy following you with his tail wagging. Perhaps you should have gone home too, but once you got inside the building all you wanted to do was just go to your room and go to sleep or maybe just nap in the common room because it was closer. Maybe also ask Katsuki how he was doing, since you kind of forgot to tell him where you were going today. Not that you were obligated to but you knew that he would get worried about you and liked to make sure that you were okay, and while you appreciated how much he did care, there were some things you just didn’t and wouldn’t bother him about. Your problems were your problems, not his, he had plenty of problems and you weren’t going to drag him into any of them. So, you gave him his space, and you valued the space you had to be by yourself and just enjoyed your own company, or maybe one or two of your other closer friends simply because it was comfortable. You didn’t want to bother your boyfriend, and you knew that he preferred to do his own thing, even after everything that’s happened, it was just more comfortable knowing that he had his act together. Yeah that’s it, it made you feel better and less concerned as you sat down on the couch and let your puppy jump on with you. Time to either fall asleep or watch Netflix to fall asleep to. “Oi, Shitty Girl.” You perked up however once you heard a voice, Katsuki’s for that matter as you looked around and saw him leaning against the wall of the hall, hands in his pockets and with his signature scowl that made you smile a little bit. “Oh hey Kat… didn’t see you there.” Your tone was way too casual for his liking, and he hated the way you said it. You didn’t see him? He knew it, he knew you had been ignoring him. “Tch, I was standing here the whole time dumbass…” He indignantly remarked, but you just brushed that off as his typical brashness as you chuckled and shook your head. “Hee-hee, that’s my bad… but uh… hey I just got here, was gonna head up to my room but… don’t feel like it, I think I’ll just chill down here… feel free to sit with me and chill too.” It was almost a flirt as you smiled at him, but he wasn’t looking at you for some reason, instead he stared at his feet. As if he were trapped in the mindset where all of those thoughts were screaming at him to fixate on them instead. “Where did you go?” That’s all Katsuki could bring himself to ask you, even though he knew the answer because he was there and he saw you. Except you didn’t know that, and he bitterly thought that it’s because you ‘didn’t see him there’. “Oh… um…” The more you thought about it though, the more you started to feel bad since you normally did tell him where you went, but had started forgetting lately. “Nowhere really, just the local park nearby.” You shrugged it off though, since that’s where you liked to go there often. You and Katsuki liked to go there, just to walk around, but not as of late. Instead you went with other friends, including Izuku and Shoto and he was aware of that because he saw the pictures on your Instagram page of the places you went without him. “Did you go alone?” Katsuki knew the answer too, but he needed to hear what you had to say, hope for some kind of honesty from you, or just to get you to say more to him. Although you were starting to feel kind of nervous about his questions, and you started to wonder if he was feeling okay, but before you could ask, you answered his question. “No, no I wasn’t alone… I had Taromaru with me. And also, Izuku and Shoto had some free time so I let them tag along because I thought I could stand to get up out of here a little bit and I did, just to unwind.” So you could tell him that much? He wondered to himself, but just hearing Izuku and Shoto’s names and the fact that you were just so damn blasé about the entire thing and not even reading in between the lines was enough to set him off as he grunted aloud in pure aggravation.

“Deku! Deku! Deku! Icyhot! Icyhot! Icyhot!” 

He shouted it out, the two nicknames of the two people that he couldn’t bear to even hear at the moment and hearing them leave your lips just completely enraged him. 

However, his sudden outburst startled and made you gasp with wide (E/C) eyes because you didn’t expect that at all. And you had no idea why he just got so pissed. He looked so pissed, more so than normal but you didn’t even know why as you looked up at him with shock and confusion, but that just pissed him off even more. 

“DAMMIT!! You don’t even fucking think about ME anymore!” His trembling fists clenched at his side as he looked at the bewilderment all over your face. Unable to believe that you were that oblivious to him.

“W-What?! What the hell are you talking about…?” You didn’t get it, why was he so pissed off? What was he pissed off about now? Just because you spent time with Izuku and Shoto. They were your friends and you could spend time with them whenever you wanted. 

“Are you mad just because I was out with them?” You sighed when you assumed that he was probably just jealous as he normally was. “Katsuki I know you have a bug up your ass when it comes to Izuku and Shoto but honestly you need to grow-.” He seemed to drown out what you were saying, ignoring how much it was starting to sing but that didn’t matter. What mattered is that he wanted to know why you kept ignoring him. He wasn’t even jealous, or at least, it wasn’t typical petty jealousy, it came from a place of hurt. 

“What’s the deal... going to places with them? Telling them all of these important things...” He cut you off and asked you straight up why you felt so comfortable talking to them, but not him. He was your boyfriend, while he’d never force you, it still hurt knowing that you didn’t open up to him the way you could to other friends. 

But you didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, all you could tell was that he still seemed upset for some reason. “Oh... right, the park… well hey I mean... it’s not like the places I go with them to are places you’d even like, literally you don’t like the theater, you’re not a fan of the pet store and you’re not... wait, what are you getting at?” 

At first you were confused, but now you were starting to listen to what he was asking and what he was trying to get across to you.

“You’re struggling in class! And your health! I already knew but dammit... why don’t you tell ME these things?!” He was terrible with his feelings, but he thought he at least got his point across about how much he cared about your health and it hurt knowing that you didn’t tell him about anything you had an issue with. 

This you were partially aware of though as you almost looked ashamed for a moment because he was right. You had neglected to tell Katsuki about all of those things, both out of pride and out of shame, “That’s just because I don’t want you to worry Katsuki...” You said with a sigh, these were your problems. The last thing you wanted was to drag Katsuki into them because he’s been through so much and has fought so hard that you couldn’t and you wouldn’t just drag him into it. It was bad enough you made Izuku and Shoto give you the time of day over your dumb issues, you couldn’t do that to Katsuki too.

“Why?” But Katsuki still didn’t understand why you didn’t want him to worry, when he wanted to because you were his partner dammit. He wanted to worry about you because he cared about you, even if he had a hard time saying such a personal thing.  

“What?” You perked up with even more confusion when he asked ‘why’? Why what? 

“Why won’t you let me worry? When you’ll tell fucking Deku and Icyhot? Why do you let them worry about you? You just don’t care at all do you?” He looked away, fists still clenched and beginning to tremble at the feelings of anger and hurt twisting inside of his chest, and he couldn’t shake it off. 

Katsuki didn’t show weakness, he hated it, he always put up a strong front, but the fact that you kept these important things from him, but instead confided in Izuku and Shoto of all people, that hurt. And it hurt even more that you seemed more concerned about them than him, and opted to just ignore how he felt after he had been through the same things they had.  

“Katsuki... what are you? How dare you?! Of course I care!” You did care, of course you did, how could he even ask that? You were constantly worried about him; did you ask him about the things that bothered him? Well no you didn’t, but if he wasn’t so fucking proud, you’d ask him more. Except he didn’t, so you didn’t ask him that much because you knew that he’d just get annoyed with you. 

“You have a funny way of showing it!” He quickly replied, tone not quieting down because he didn’t believe it. He knew he had this ridiculous pride that kept him from speaking up much, but he still felt ignored by you over the past couple of months. After all Icyhot was proud in his own right, but that apparently didn’t stop you from going over to talk to him about how he felt. 

“Really? I have a funny way of showing it? Says the guy who’s ditched 2 of our dates and lets his pride and these dumb pissing contests with the guys get in the way of things. C’mon Katsuki, don’t be a hypocrite.” You almost got up, because you felt like leaving this dumb conversation. Sometimes you just could not with him, and right now you could not with him, especially if he was going to be this way as you shook his head, but Katsuki wasn’t going to let you just walk away from this. 

“I get it! I know! But… you don’t even talk to me! You don’t come to me, you don’t tell me anything! I’m not stupid! I know you’re not okay when you say you are, I know you’ve been pretending to be okay for the past couple of months, and I know you haven’t been okay since we faced off the damn villains! And then you… you fucking…” He seemed to struggle at that last part; he was well aware that he wasn’t the best boyfriend to you, but he wanted to make an effort, at least as of late. He made sure you didn’t stay up too late, and also made sure you had a decent breakfast instead of junk food, but lately he felt as if he’s just been getting nothing from you in return. 

“I what?” You shrugged your shoulders and raised your arms with an irritated look, wondering just what did you do this time to make him mad. 

“You... you got that damn dog!” Katsuki practically shouted, his tone completely incredulous but still angry as said dog perked up a bit, tilting his head in confusion.

“What...? What does Taromaru have to do with any of this?!” You were straight-up offended though, why was he getting mad at your dog now? What did Taromaru ever do to him?

“Stop acting like you don’t get it! After… all the shit that we’ve been through… I know that you’re not okay, you say you are but I know its bullshit… and yet you got a dog to make you feel better! A dog (Y/N)?! Why not me?! You should be holding ME at night, not a dog! It’s ME you should come to if you’re feeling messed up! Not Deku or Icyhot!” Katsuki went on a small tangent, pointing at himself to emphasize that he wanted you to talk to him, to come to him when you weren’t feeling okay and yet still you got Taromaru for emotional comfort and talked to Izuku and Shoto about your problems instead of him.

He was YOUR boyfriend, he’s the one you should be able to trust enough to seek comfort and company from, and yet you’ve been just ignoring him for months.

Finding comfort and company from others. Including from a freaking dog, over him. 

However, he winced ever so slightly when he heard a soft little whine coming from Taromaru and he saw the pup looking almost like he was sad. Bakugou wasn’t exactly as close to the dog as everyone else was, but while he didn’t like the affection you gave to the freaking dog instead of him, your boyfriend, it’s not like it was Taromaru’s fault. 

“Unbelievable... is your ego really that fragile you pompous asshole?” You did understand, but because of the way he was acting and because you were getting angry, you could only reply back with annoyance and that just made him even more annoyed. 

“Are you really that stupid?! Can’t you see what I’m trying to tell you, you idiot?! Do you really think that low of yourself? Or do you just not even care? Answer me that!” 

“Stop saying I don’t care! I do! I care about you Katsuki!” 

“Well I care about you too dammit!! Don’t you get that?! I know I can be a real shitty boyfriend and I know I have been, but… fuck!” He shut his eyes and shouted louder, seeming to be at war with himself until he opened his eyes and looked right into your (E/C) eyes. Eyes he had taken for granted as he took in your form, the parts he loved about you and the things he missed about you. The way you would smile at him or laugh, he missed that…

“(Y/N)… dammit… I love you...”

It’s not true…

“What...?” You asked incredulously, disbelief even in your expression as Katsuki just stared at you angrily, form trembling as if even he couldn’t believe the words he just said to you. But then his crimson eyes widened when he saw a small grin on your lips, a snicker leaving as you chuckled and shook your head in what sounded like amusement.

“Funny Katsuki... We’re not even half-way through our second year… I mean… no you can’t be serious… no... no way... I don’t... I don’t think that’s true...” 

Katsuki was the boy you loved, but you weren’t even sure if it was that ‘real’ kind of love that people liked to shove down your throat. Saying you didn’t know what real love was, and you started to think that maybe they were right.

So Katsuki couldn’t have meant it when he said the words to you right? You were aware that he had been through one hell of an ordeal throughout his entire first year here at UA, so you wondered if he even knew what love was. Or if he was just saying that due to the fact that he was clearly very emotional right now and that this was nothing but another one of his impulsive outbursts that he would just take back later.

“...”

Yet once the silence became uncomfortably apparent you finally glanced at him, and blinked a bit, almost wondering if you were seeing this right but you couldn’t even recognize the expression on your boyfriend. His eyes appeared to be glistening ever so slightly along with a subtle quiver of his lips.

That was definitely not like the Katsuki you were used to see.

Bakugou was not quiet. Not often. He was known for being loud, opinionated and honest to a fault, and he let everyone know it. He could be quiet, but this was a different kind of quiet. It was still, tense and making you increasingly uncomfortable especially when he gritted his teeth as if to attempt to keep his lips from trembling.

“So that’s how you feel…?”

His tone was different, it wasn’t the usual angry, gruff tone. In fact, he sounded like he was almost hurt by what you said.

No… “W-Wha…?” You didn’t want to believe it, was your boyfriend really that upset? You wanted to ask but the blond just swiftly turned his head and took a few steps away from you, and your eyes fell on his back and you flinched as soon as you heard the smallest hitch in his breath.  

“A-Are you… are you really crying?! Y-You don’t cry!”  You didn’t mean to raise your tone, but you were genuinely shocked. Not your best choice of words, yet still you couldn’t fight the shock, because you haven’t seen Katsuki cry since he was 9 years old. And based on the way his body started tremoring, you were starting to think you were right.  

“No!”

Katsuki only got more defensive, aside from feeling hurt by you now he just felt insulted as he brought an arm up to cover his eyes even if he had his back to you. God why was he so pathetic? 

But he wasn’t going to let you have the satisfaction of seeing him like this. No matter how much his body and stupid feelings were making him. He hated this. He hated that he was being so weak and then he hated that he was so weak that he was outright showing this much weakness to you. 

“H-Hey now… Kat…” You couldn’t lie, you weren’t comfortable with this, but at the same time you felt so bad for him, and then you were feeling even worse when it became apparent that he felt like you were ignoring him. And you wanted to say something and reach out for him, but as soon as he sensed you moving closer, he quickly backed away and glared at you with flushed cheeks and tears in his eyes.

“Dumbass!! Dammit (Y/N) you… you’re such an idiot!!”

He shouted at you, voice cracking slightly through his anger, and he quickly turned away to storm off away from you in a huff as he took off in a fast dash while you could only watch him with wide (E/C) eyes.

“Katsuki!” You called out for him, but the blonde left without another word and didn’t dare look over his shoulder as he just kept running. And you were left with your arm out in a futile attempt to reach for him as you just stood there with pure shock, confusion and guilt over what just happened between you and your boyfriend.

No way, you didn’t really make the ultra-tough guy, Lord Explosion Murder, up-and-coming rising hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, Katsuki Bakugou cry? How was that possible?

Tell me I’ve been lied to Crying isn't like you Oh-oh-oh What the hell did I do? Never been the type to Let someone see right through Oh-oh-oh

“What did you just do…?” You asked yourself, even though you were also wondering what did Katsuki just do? Did he mean what he said when he said ‘I love you’ to you?

“No way…” Shaking your head, you fell right back onto the couch to massage your temples when you heard him say ‘I love you’ again. It just happened, yet in your mind it was still happening. The three words echoed in your head like a sad song on replay and you couldn’t bring yourself to change it to a happier tune.

Katsuki wasn’t the kind of guy to just be so open about his feelings or emotions. Crying wasn’t something he did often, telling you his honest feelings wasn’t something he did often. If anything, Izuku was the one lucky enough to get that kind of sincerity from him, not you.

You accepted that thought, even if it still made you sad there was nothing you could do about it, so you thought. “Katsuki… you idiot…” You wanted to blame him for this, for making you feel guilty about something you didn’t want to feel guilty about. Even though you did feel guilty, you felt horrible in fact.

Of course, you knew your boyfriend would never guilt-trip you, Katsuki never played dirty like that in anything. Yet you still felt like one lousy partner, if he was so upset about this that he blew up to you about it because he couldn’t ignore his feelings anymore and call you out on it. You were the one who usually called him on his bullshit, so having it be the other way around was far from pleasant.

A small whine interrupted your thoughts as Taromaru jumped on the couch to sit on your lap, looking over at you with what you believed was concern as he even licked your cheek. “Hee-hee…” Giggling a little bit and sadly smiling, you pet the puppy on the head.

“Taromaru… do you think… Katsuki really meant that? Do you really think he meant to say I love you?” You felt ridiculous for asking a puppy such a complicated question, especially about your abrasive boyfriend that Taromaru didn’t even get along with that much. Yet still the puppy responded by giving you more licks on your cheek as his tail wagged happily.

Snickering, you almost forlornly wondered if that was Taromaru’s way of saying ‘yes’ because you knew Katsuki wasn’t a liar. He was an emotional young man, but he wasn’t a liar, especially not about how he felt about others.

“He didn’t mean that… no… he couldn’t have… why me…?” You wondered to yourself with your eyebrows furrowed as you walked back to your room with Taromaru following you. There was nothing else you could do other than stumble over to plop down onto your bed.

You felt weak, still in shock from the three words Katsuki told you not long ago. It just happened, but that’s why you were still in shock that it just happened.

Katsuki had to be joking, but he wasn’t the joking type. So why did you doubt him?

“I love you…?” You repeated his words with uncertainty, muttering them to yourself as if you were trying to find some other underlying meaning to how Katsuki said it.

You can’t take those words back once you say them. Platonically or romantically. Which was it from him

“I love you…”

Saying the words with a little more thought, you wondered just what did Katsuki mean when he said them. Love was scary, saying it was scary, especially to your partner. You knew you shouldn’t have felt so hesitant about it but you couldn’t help it.

Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn't mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to Oh-oh-oh

So instead of figuring it out yourself, you called your right-hand man and another one of your best guy friends.

“(Y/N)? What’s up?”

“Hitoshi I need your help with something.”

Maybe calling Hitoshi was a mistake, because he wasn’t the most touchy-feely guy in the world but he had a soft spot enough for you so you kinda hoped that he would tell you some decent enough advice or even reassure you with a pretty good interpretation of what Katsuki could have meant.

“He said that?” Hitoshi sounded just as shocked when you told him that yes, Katsuki said those three little words that even made him feel nervous as you sighed, nodding even though Hitoshi couldn’t see it, he knew you were.

“Yeah and like… I don’t think I reacted the way anyone would want someone to… I said that… I didn’t think he meant it, he got upset and then he just left…” The more you recounted what happened between you and Katsuki, the guiltier you felt as you cringed a bit when you heard a little tongue click coming from Hitoshi.

“What’s that Hitoshi? That’s your judgy tongue click I hear…” You muttered in annoyance as Hitoshi scoffed in amusement.

“Look… Bakugo’s not my friend at all, and I’m not on his side at all either but… yeah that probably wasn’t the best way to react to those three words… and to a guy like him? Yikes… his ego is so massive I’m sure that gave it a serious bruise.” He answered pretty bluntly because while he didn’t see himself partnering up with anyone soon, he knew that if his partner reacted that way, he wouldn’t have taken it very well.

“I now right…? God… I just… that’s such a serious word to tell someone… I feel like… maybe he really did mean it… that idiot’s been through so much… he almost died, he still has his power and all and is in one piece but… there was a moment where I thought… what if he didn’t open his eyes? What if he lost the power he’s been so proud of and… what if he wasn’t the same when he came back and just… I don’t know… I really just… don’t want to even go back to anything like that, even if it was months ago it’s like it happened yesterday and…” As you opened up to Hitoshi about how confused you were about what Katsuki said, you also shared how you really felt about him, and he began to think maybe that’s why you didn’t believe him when he said he loved you.

“Now I see what he means, I’m doing it now… oh my god… you know… I’ve been worrying about literally everyone else… except for Katsuki… I mean I AM worried, I’m worried about him all the damn time but… I don’t know… somewhere along the lines I just… stopped showing it because I have… SO much on my mind, I’m SO fucking worried about my other friends and I’m not afraid of them pushing me away so it’s easier to show them but I… I shouldn’t have just ended up pushing him away in the process…” But then you realized that you were totally opening up to Hitoshi about your problems, and that was another reason Katsuki got upset because you could do this to other people but not him? Well, he did too but you assumed he never really opened up to anyone.

“Hey now… it’s fine really… I mean it’s okay that you feel bad about it, but you’ve been through a lot too, don’t beat yourself up. Look… I wasn’t there when all that stuff went down but… I see what you mean and it makes perfect sense. After everything you’ve seen and been through, the idea of loving someone becomes scarier. I mean… you said everyone came back in pretty bad shape… I remember how you were scared as hell, so… while it wasn’t the best way to react, I don’t blame you for how you reacted (Y/N). But… Bakugo is kind of an ass so… I guess you can explain it to him? Maybe give it a shot… and if he doesn’t get it, just let me know so I can kick his ass.” He and Bakugo weren’t really friends, so he wouldn’t have a problem brainwashing him and kicking him where it hurts should he hurt your feelings in any way.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, even though if anyone could beat Katsuki, Hitoshi can. Katsuki literally can’t keep his trap shut so you were pretty confident that Hitoshi could beat him, but right now, you didn’t want it to lead to that. “Thanks Tosh… I’ll talk to him. I haven’t done that enough so… I will… thanks again…” Sighing, you smiled even though Hitoshi couldn’t see it, he knew you were smiling.

“No problem (Y/N). See you later all right? But… I guess… call me whenever you need anything else…” He ended on a slightly awkward note, but you knew that was just his way of trying to act all cool as you snickered a bit.

“Of course Hitoshi. Back at you… thanks again.” Your tone was amused as he just scoffed before the two of you said your goodbyes and hung up. Only you were left with disappointment to no longer have a friend to talk to and even more disappointment with yourself when you realized how you messed up with Katsuki.

You didn’t mean to; you really didn’t mean to but it was hard. After everything Izuku and Shoto had been through, you were scared for them and it was easier to get them to open up somewhat. Or that’s just what you told yourself, you felt more comfortable worrying about them, and not so much with Katsuki.

He was so proud and strong that you didn’t think you could hurt his feelings. But you did.

He told you he loved you, probably out of desperation to get you to see how he really felt, that he wanted you and needed you and you just laughed at it and didn’t even believe him.

“Katsuki…” You closed your teary eyes when you felt heat pooling in them and wiped any that tried to slip away and quickly went to his number. Calling him would be much too after what just happened, so you just left your phone like that on his number and tried to get your mind off of it by watching TV for a few hours.

You were terrified. You were terrified of talking to him about it, terrified to apologize after hurting him like that because what if he didn’t forgive you? What if he really was going to take it back? What if he was going to break up with you? What if you hurt him worse than you thought especially when he was clearly still traumatized from the war?

The more horrifying thoughts came to your mind, the more you felt almost dizzy as you just stared blankly with wide (E/C) eyes and you couldn’t even hear Taromaru’s barks. Until his paws on your legs made you blink and return to reality as his anxious whimpering and whines became more apparent.

���S-Sorry boy, I’m sorry, I’m okay…” You inhaled and exhaled deeply, remembering to just breathe as you pet the puppy with a shaky smile.

“I gotta talk to him…” Taking another deep breath, you grabbed your phone, it was still on Katsuki’s number and you didn’t call him, but you did send him a message.

‘I wanna talk to you.’

Those were the only words you could bring yourself to text, and of course you didn’t get a reply back. You knew you wouldn’t but you still hoped that he would reply to you back.

Waiting and sitting on your bed, your nerves were quickly becoming frenzied when the seconds and minutes felt much too slow. You could only anxiously await a message from your dear boyfriend if you would even get one as you lied down on your bed, eyes still glued to your phone just waiting for a vibration or the notification sound to go off.

Taromaru lied down right by your stomach as if he could sense how anxious you were, and all you could do to soothe yourself was stroking his fur and pet him gently.

A sharp gasp left you when the notification sound went off, and you instantly sat up from your bed, throwing your hand to your heart in alarm as you looked to see your phone glowing. You quickly snatched it up to see if it was from Katsuki.

‘Fine.’

Your breathing came out in soft little pants, a surge of relief slowly coursing through your being when Katsuki did answer you. But you blinked your tired (E/C) eyes in shock when you realized that at least two hours had passed by.

Taromaru whimpered up at you softly, rubbing his head against your side and reaching up so he could lick your face as if he was trying to comfort you. Smiling softly, you giggled and felt a smidgen more courage to reply to him.

‘First floor when everyone’s asleep? Or my room?’

Nobody was on the first floor at night-time, and you couldn’t be outside the dorm building now that the school’s security had been doubled after the events of the war. So you would have to either talk to Katsuki in private in the comfort of your room or the first floor.

‘Whichever stupid.’

He was clearly still mad and you sighed a little bit as you replied with a ‘My room’, wondering if that was the best choice as you petted Taromaru for more comfort. You were scared when the war between the villains happened, so why were you so fucking terrified to just talk with your boyfriend? It shouldn’t be that hard…

Up all night on another red eye I wish we never learned to fly I-I-I Maybe we should just try To tell ourselves a good lie I didn't mean to make you cry I-I-I

The rest of the day was awkward. Even on the moments you and Katsuki crossed paths, neither one of you could bring yourselves to say anything. You both agreed to talk in your rooms and that was that. Which is why having dinner with the others wasn’t very comfortable because you could both feel each other’s presences when you were in the same rooms.

You had to ignore it though, for now you had to pretend in front of your friends and classmates that everything was okay and that nothing was on your mind. Just as you had been for the past couple of months, so it shouldn’t have been hard.

Thankfully they all brought it, except maybe Izuku and Shoto, but this time they didn’t ask about it since they had the uncanny ability to tell that this issue wasn’t quite like the ones you shared with them earlier today.

Although you ate as much as you could, your stomach still had butterflies because you were finally going to talk to your boyfriend after what felt like months. Even the small talk the two of you made wasn’t much talking, the more you thought about it, it has been a while since you had a real, thoughtful conversation with Katsuki. And that was why he was so angry with you, something that still shocked you but that’s what it was.

You just hoped that Katsuki had cooled down somewhat after the argument you both had today. Once everyone else turned in, that was your cue to just go back to your room, with Taromaru in tow as he followed right by your side.

A small, but sharp gasp left you though as you picked your head up to see no one other than your Katsuki leaning on the wall right next to your door, just waiting for you. How long had he been there? You wondered, but now you were a mix of nervous and relieved. Nervous because you could still see the scowl on his face, and it made you wonder if he was still angry with you, and relieved because he was really here and had enough maturity to come to you despite his visible anger.

“Hey Kat.” You spoke and gave him a small wave when you got close enough to him, and although you didn’t expect an answer, Katsuki surprised you by giving you a small huff in response.

You opened the door for him to let him into your room, and you also wondered how long it’s been since you last had him in your room as he took a seat on your chair and you sat on your bed. How pitiful. Katsuki wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, and you liked to complain about that, but this just made you realize that you weren’t exactly an ideal partner either.

But that’s why you were both here, to hopefully talk about it in a peaceful manner without arguing. Taromaru was here to ease your anxiety, you just hoped Katsuki wouldn’t be bothered by that, but he was more mature than that despite what he said about the dog earlier.

“I think a talk between us is long overdue…” You spoke up to break the uncomfortable silence because you knew Katsuki wasn’t going to do that.

“Now you wanna talk?” He asked somewhat bitterly, hands in his pockets as he didn’t even look over at you as you crossed your arms nervously with a sigh.

“Yes… we… haven’t done that enough, and… that’s partially my fault…” Now you lost the ability to look at him, and of course hearing you say that actually made your boyfriend glance over at you. “I’m not… trying to excuse myself, at all Katsuki. What I said earlier, I meant it… the part about my problems at least, I thought… by not saying anything at all, would make it easier on you. You’re a very busy guy, you’ve been through enough already from last year… it’s been a few months but… I didn’t want to just dump all my problems on you…” As you began your explanation, you fought the irritation when you heard Katsuki scoff.

“Yet that doesn’t stop you from dumping all your problems on Deku and Icyhot, and the other extras…” He reminded you with a small growl, the truth was he didn’t see it as you dumping your problems on someone, instead he just saw it as you opening up to and confiding in everyone else but him. Your boyfriend.

“I know…” You didn’t want to fight with him, so you didn’t. He wasn’t wrong either way, “I hate thinking that’s what I do… but I know that I… confide in them more I just… I don’t know, it’s stupid… it’s not fair to you…”

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed, he didn’t want you to think he didn’t WANT you to confide in your friends, he just wanted you to confide in him a little more, “Those morons are your friends… I just can’t believe you don’t even think that you could talk to me too…” He grumbled in slight embarrassment, even though he’s embarrassed himself plenty today by nearly falling apart in front of you earlier.

However, those were the right words for you to hear as you couldn’t help but sigh in slight relief. You knew Katsuki wasn’t the type of guy to just tell you what you couldn’t do. So, he was just hurt, but because you were the one that he felt hurt by. You didn’t mean to hurt his feelings like that, but you did it.

“I can’t believe it either…”

“So what the hell (Y/N)?” He gruffly asked, awaiting your answer so he could know just what was so wrong that you felt the need to hide all of your problems from him and leave him out of important things that he DID care about. “Why are you leaving me out of things in your life that matter?”

His question stung as you knew you had to give him an answer, he deserved that much and you couldn’t just not talk when you said you wanted to have this talk with him. It didn’t make it any less nerve-wracking though as you inhaled and exhaled. You didn’t expect him to take mercy on you but you could see a glimmer of concern in his displeased expression.

“Katsuki I’m sorry…” You began with an apology, knowing that he did deserve an apology first, “I’m sorry that I… I made you feel like I was ignoring you… I swear I never meant to…” Shaking your head, you braved up to actually look him in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t care about you, I care about you… so much… I know it feels like I don’t, but I do… I really, really do and…” Swallowing hard, you had to calm yourself down so you could try and explain it to him.

“I just…” You sighed as you began, voice and figure trembling as you knew this had to be said, “I don’t feel like… talking to you about my problems is the right thing to do… to… tell you everything that’s wrong with me when… it’s hard… it’s hard enough knowing that you’ve gone through… so much worse than I have.” You averted his eyes for a moment, unable to see his slightly indignant look.

Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn't mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to Oh-oh-oh

“Katsuki… you’re a proud guy. I don’t want to make you feel like… I’m undermining you or bruising your pride by making you open up too. Because… I’ve tried, and… when none of those attempts worked, I thought… it would just be better for me to let it be, and only give you what you needed when you came for it. I wanted to be… someone you could count on for a ‘pick me up’ or someone you can hug when you need one. And that’s what I did, but I never… sought you out because… I didn’t want to bruise your pride by doing that, I let you have your space, as you let me have mine.” You explained as best as you could only the first half as you finally glanced into his eyes. His expression hard to read although his eyes were still narrowed as he seemed to permanently looked irritated.

He probably was, but you didn’t know that he was taking your words into consideration. He was pissed at you for closing yourself off, but thinking about what you said just made him remember that he closed himself off just as much, if not more so than you.

“I thought I was putting you first, by giving you what you needed from me and supporting you from the sidelines while I took care of my own things, did things by myself so it didn’t… inconvenience you. With everything that was going on, I thought that I couldn’t possibly bother you with anything going on with me, I knew that you wouldn’t just brush off any issue I brought up but… I still didn’t bring anything up, I wanted to deal with my own problems, I wasn’t going to make my problems yours… and… especially after what we have been through? No way… you’ve been through… too much for me to bother you… and… honestly that’s another thing…” Your (E/C) eyes dulled the more you thought about how the aftermath of the war had really impacted you and the fact that school hadn’t ceased to stress you out.

Katsuki was heeding your words, and as angry as he wanted to be at you for thinking that, he could tell that you really believed that you would just be a problem if you opened up about your problems. He was hurt, but now he had to take a little time to try and understand that. He knew he wasn’t the best boyfriend, he knew he had his own issues and that they had affected you, and that’s something you were afraid of which had inadvertently lead you to neglecting him.

“When… when you said…” You almost couldn’t speak though when you thought about how Katsuki said those words, a thought that made your face warm as Katsuki himself began to blush and grunt lowly. He still couldn’t believe he was dumb enough to tell you that…

“When you said that you loved me that just… that was really fucking scary…”

You were fucking scared. Fucking scared of the words ‘I love you’, because there was no way to take those words back once you said it. And Katsuki told them to you, whether he meant it or not, there’s no way he could take it back.

“Katsuki… I’m… fucking scared… when you say you love someone… and even if you mean it… it’s just so painful. After I almost lost you, I knew that… I did… I really did… l-love you a-and… when you love someone… i-it’s just something else you can lose… that war… really made me realize that… there’s no guarantee… what if I really had… lost you? I don’t… I don’t want to imagine it.” You willed your voice to remain steady despite the tears threatening to form as you inhaled and exhaled to keep breathing, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Katsuki.

“Loving someone changes things… it changes everything, after the things we’ve been through… and… it makes me realize… so many things that hurt and yet… I want that at the same time… God… it makes no sense but… Katsuki…” Biting your bottom lip, you wiped at your eyes to stop any tears that wanted to sneak up and fall.

“I’m afraid because I… I do love you too…” Your tears shined in your glossy (E/C) eyes as one traitorous tear dripped down your face as Katsuki’s eyes only slightly widened as soon as you said the same words. A little late, but still.

But he hated seeing you cry, he hated how miserable you looked, and he almost regretted making you talk to him like this. But he had been wanting to talk to you so he could make you feel better somehow and let you know that he does care about you and wants you to be okay.

“And I’m afraid of that…” Chuckling ruefully you tried to smile at him, but it was wobbly and weak as he scoffed in response. He didn’t want to be insensitive, but that was simply part of his nature.

“Because I’m a shitty boyfriend?” He asked you after your explanation, and you blinked some tears in bewilderment at his response.  “You know it’s true.” He hated admitting it, but it was true. He shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk to you and pushed you away like he had done before, because while you were still with him, you ended up pushing him away too.

He knew that it was his fault too though, “I’m surprised you’ve put up with me for this long Shitty Girl.” He admitted that too, because he knew that he wasn’t the best partner to you, but the fact that you were still with him even after all of that meant that you meant what you had said.

You meant when you said that you loved him, just as he had meant when he said that he loved you.

“I hate… feeling so weak, more than anything… I can’t fucking stand it… the Sludge Villain, when the league of villains had me… when All-Might…” As Katsuki for once began to tell you even more about how he felt, you saw him grunt and struggle to even say how he felt at his lowest when All-Might had to retire. Because of his weakness, because he couldn’t even save himself and it caused his hero to go into retirement.

“When All-Might had to retire… because of me. Then… when damn Deku… went after that guy…” He willingly let himself get hit, to save Izuku and you knew it. But you couldn’t even look at him after he endured such a fatal wound that you were glad hadn’t killed him. Yet still, even in that moment Katsuki felt so weak for being unable to do anything else.

And now he felt so weak for even showing you a little bit of weakness, crying like an idiot and complaining to you about you not giving him attention when he didn’t give you enough attention either.

“I’m so fucking pathetic… it’s not even your fault…” He grabbed at his hair when he thought he was going to break even just a little bit, but then he felt your hand on his shoulder as you gave him a soft, concerned look.

“You are NOT pathetic… and you are NOT weak… everything that happened was beyond anyone’s control… just because they happened… doesn’t mean it’s your fault but Katsuki… it’s okay to FEEL weak… it’s not okay to think you ARE weak because you’re not… you’re the strongest man I know…” Placing your hands on his shoulders, you looked him in the eyes to tell him how much you admired him.

Katsuki was visibly shocked, touched, but also skeptical, like he didn’t or he couldn’t believe you. “Yes I am! I-I can’t even handle it when you don’t give me a little attention even though I’m the asshole who didn’t give YOU attention, dammit! I just fuck everything up…!” He raised his voice, but there was no anger towards you, it was all aimed at himself. There was anger, anguish and so much self-loathing it broke your heart.

“I meant what I said… I do love you but… you’re also right… I had no idea where you even were. I had no idea if you were even okay, if a damn villain got to you or not… when it was all over, all I could think about is that if you got hurt… it would have been my fault because I didn’t do a damn thing to help you…” Katsuki recalled what he could even though he faded in and out of consciousness after the war had ended and he remembered seeing your face when he and Izuku eventually woke up.

He was so relieved to see you alive and well with a few cuts and scratches, but what if it were worse? What if you had been one of the casualties and weren’t so lucky?

“I hate this feeling so fucking much… I hate that loving you makes me feel like this… it’s not even your fault… I-I just… I hate the thought of losing you… I hate being scared of losing you and I hate that I’m a shitty boyfriend who didn’t even help you when you needed it…” He willed back the tears, but they still dripped down his cheeks as your first instinct was to put your arms around him, holding him close as you shut your eyes. Your own tears streamed down your face.

The smile that you gave me Even when you felt like dying

“It’s okay…” You said to him softly, but those two words were enough to send Katsuki over the edge as he pulled away from you even though he didn’t want to leave your arms, he felt like he didn’t even deserve it.

“It’s NOT okay! How is it okay?! I shouldn’t… I should hate that!! I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t be so weak and-!” He wanted to scream more, he wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t even be with him anymore and that you were right to push him away, but you weren’t going to let him.

“No Katsuki it IS… you and I… we’re NOT okay… you’re NOT okay… and I’m NOT okay… that’s why we’re here though… because I should have told you that I wasn’t okay… yes… I wish you told me that you weren’t okay but now I’m telling you… it’s okay… because… I’m still with you because… I want to be… I understand… I just told you that I’m afraid too… and knowing that you are too… don’t you understand how better that makes me feel?” You asked him, the fear evident in your tone and the mistiness in your eyes visible for Katsuki to furrow his brows.

“I want to love you… because I do! I don’t want to be afraid… I don’t want to be afraid of loving the person I want to love but… I am… and yet… at the same time I feel like… I won’t be afraid because you are Katsuki Bakugo. You’re… You’re Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, the strongest hero I know, the strongest man I know, and… with you I just… I feel like I won’t have to be afraid anymore… how can I be afraid? When I have a man like you in my life?” You smiled crookedly at him as your tears continued to fall, body trembling because even though you were still scared. Katsuki somehow always managed to make you feel safe, protected and at ease despite everything.

You couldn’t tell what he was feeling, you just saw him looking at you with a mix of slight awe, surprise and other emotions you couldn’t read. Katsuki just stared at you, he heard your words and listened to every single thing you told him, saw the look in your eyes the entire time as he could see the love, fear and determination swirling in those (E/C) orbs. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear that from you, he had been wanting you to hold onto him for so long and yet he pulled away from you like the idiot he was.

So hearing you, seeing you stay with him and tell him how you still wanted to be with him even though you were scared, it made him feel like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He hated being weak, but he loved being with you, he loved how you made him feel. He needed to be better, hearing you say that you loved him, made him realize that he needed to be better for you.

“Tch…” He scoffed a little bit, making you perk up when you saw one of his trademark smirks even though you knew that he was still afraid, like you were. “You’re not wrong (Y/N)… loving someone is scary but… you’re also not wrong that you don’t have anything to be afraid of with me around… we’ll kill our fears together.”

He declared with his usual determination that made your eyes well up with more tears, a watery smile on your lips as you snickered and snorted at such a phrase. “W-What are you laughing at?!” However, Katsuki couldn’t help but flush in slight embarrassment when you were laughing at him again, except this wasn’t out of mockery he could tell that much. He still didn’t like it though.

“I-I’m sorry! It’s just… that’s… another reason why I love you… you’re right… I want to do that… kill our fears together… you and me Katsuki.” Your smile didn’t fade as you took his hand in yours, and Katsuki promptly squeezed your hand, his own smirk not leaving.

“Good.” He sounded satisfied, but mostly relieved. Relieved that you and him were okay, or that you were at least going to be together since neither one of you wanted to end this despite the issues that sprung up.

“Katsuki…”

But then he froze up as soon as he suddenly felt you loosen your grip on his hand, and he grunted and nearly exclaimed in shock when you threw your arms around him in the tightest hug he’s felt from you.

We fall apart as it gets dark I'm in your arms in Central Park There's nothing you could do or say I can't escape the way, I love you I don't want to, but I love you Oh-oh-oh

“I love you Katsuki…” You whispered quietly as your tears silently fell. The fear was lingering, but  still made you feel safe enough that you held onto him tight. Unwilling to let go as Katsuki returned the gesture by embracing you just as tightly.

God, he didn’t know how scared he was to lose you until he thought of the worst that could have happened. He was still scared, still afraid to lose you and to love you even though he did love you. He really loved you.

“I love you too (Y/N)…” He said the three words to you again, and your tear-filled (E/C) eyes widened when you heard them again. Your heart pounding as they made you feel less afraid and more at peace as you warmly smiled, resting your head into his shoulders and softly smiling even as you felt your own shoulder growing wet from his tears.

You knew it. You truly did love Katsuki, even if you were afraid of the fact that you loved him. And you figured out that Katsuki was afraid of that fact as well. He loved you, it’s why he told you the words even if he didn’t want to.

He knew he had to because it was true, he loved you. It just freaked him out that he did, that he loved someone.

Yet Katsuki wasn’t going to change those feelings, he loved you and he was willing to face that fear if it meant getting to love you the way he did. And you were too, you didn’t want to stop loving him even though you were scared. At least you and Katsuki would be scared together.

“Aroooo~.”

But the two of you opened your eyes when you remembered that Taromaru was still here, resting at the foot of your bed and having woken up from his little nap. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit, even becoming aware of how dark it had gotten and how late it was. Or maybe it wasn’t late, but still you felt sleepy after those tears and emotionally opening up to your boyfriend.

“Taromaru has the right idea… Kat… spend the night here?” You asked him with those puppy dog eyes that annoyed Katsuki as he scoffed, but like hell he was going back to his room. He wanted to be with you.

“Duh. I’m not going anywhere…” He reminded you with a soft little smirk that made you blush warmly and grin at him. This was good, you felt so much better to be with him after you and him talked together and cried together and opened up about your fears of loving each other. And that the two of you would keep working this out together, overcome more fears together as partners.

Finally, you felt like you could sleep comfortably tonight as you were lying down in your bed, Katsuki’s arms were around you as the two of you spooned and cuddled, Taromaru still at the foot of your bed.

“I love you…” You repeated the words to him softly, the words you were still afraid of but because of Katsuki you felt brave enough to tell him that you loved him regardless of your fears. And Katsuki knew it was scary, but still, he wanted to love you, and he knew you wanted to love him too, so he wasn’t going to let a little fear stop him from telling you.

“I love you too.”

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

False alarm

Steve Masterlist - Full Masterlist

Summary: You ran away from the Avengers years ago, not knowing how to deal with feelings for a certain someone. But when you find out about a threat to humanity, you have to deliver it to the tower. You planned on dying there but your old friends refused to let you go.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 2848

Broken and bruised, you sit down on a couch in the common room. You know Stark’s systems are mere seconds from rebooting and detecting you as an intruder but you couldn’t care less. Right now, you need a place to bleed out in peace, and what better place than your former employer’s couch. And there it goes. You know Friday is too advanced to just turn on lights and sirens but you hear a scuffling and the opening and closing of doors as well as guns getting readied. And still, you couldn’t care less. Because, if it really comes down to it, there are two scenarios that could happen. Best case: They realize it’s you, listen to what you have to say, and patch you up. Worst case: They shoot you on accident or on purpose and put you out of your misery. Either is fine with you. Though with the pain you are experiencing, you’d rather die than have to go through recovery. ‘Y/n?‘ You pull your head up with the last bits of strength you still possess and look at a few familiar faces. Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Natasha Romanoff. ‘Hi,‘ you say weakly, ‘I’m sorry to intrude but I just wanted to bleed out peacefully.‘ Tony rushes towards you and sits down beside you. ‘Why’d have to you pick the couch?‘ His words were supposed to come out as joking and sarcastic but there’s hurt in them. And it could be delusion from losing a lot of blood, but you would’ve sworn you saw a tear fall onto his cheek. ‘The floor was uncomfortable,‘ you explain to him with a grin that looks crooked. You had intended to sound cocky, like the grin you always wore when you had sass wars with Stark. Instead, your words came out desperate. ‘I have a black rug right there,‘ his voice sounds shaky. Steve and Natasha walk over and the lights turn on. They kneel down next to you. ‘What happened to you, y/n,‘ Steve asks you, worried as always. He had always been a great guy. You’re not quite sure why you decided you didn’t like him anymore. ‘I- shit,‘ you cuss at the pain as you try to move yourself to sit up a bit more. Both Steve and Tony jump towards you to support you, but you brush their hands away. The only reason they’re not rushing you to a doctor right now is because they know how stubborn you can be. You take a deep breath. ‘I found something,’ you tell them and point at the bag you dropped a few steps into the common room, ‘it’s in my bag. They came after me.’ Your breathing becomes heavier and suddenly you realize you might actually die today. ‘What’s going on?‘ Bruce comes strolling into the room looking tired more than anything until he notices you on the couch. That man doesn’t ever run, but he damn near sprints towards you. ‘Oh shit. We need to get her medical help.‘ ‘No, you need to get my bag,‘ you tell them sternly, ‘it’s more important than my life.‘ Natasha is the only one who does as you say, although she does it with tears in her eyes. ‘Everything is on the USB,‘ you tell her. She nods and runs off to the lab. It is only then that you take a relaxed breath. ‘Ok, now you can help me.‘ None of the men waste any time getting you to the med bay. While they get things ready, you tell them a self-evaluation as well as your blood type to get them ready faster. It is only then that they realize where most of the bleeding is coming from. ‘Jesus Christ woman,‘ Tony looks at you in awe, ‘you lost half an arm and you still managed to come here?‘ ‘Just patch me up,‘ you snap at him. He nods. ‘On it.‘ He takes off the rag that you clumsily wrapped around it in an attempt to lessen the bleeding. ‘God, that’s nasty,‘ Tony gags but continues on while Steve works on some smaller cuts and Bruce gets some blood ready. ‘Hey Tony,‘ you try to speak but your voice sounds shaky and weak. You feel your consciousness fade away more and more with every breath you take. ‘Yes, dear?‘ ‘If I make it, will you get me a cool metal arm like Bucky’s?‘ ‘Of course. You want the metal metal or the black metal?‘ ‘Metal metal,‘ you smile, ‘that one was way cooler.‘ And suddenly you’re slipping. It’s like one of those dreams where you feel like you’re falling, only you’re not landing. You keep falling and falling and falling and falling and...

. ‘How is she doing?‘ Tony walks into the med bay with three cups of coffee. One for him, one for Bruce who came to do a checkup, and one for Steve who has been here for the last few days without moving. ‘Stable,‘ Bruce says shortly, ‘but Steve told me her heartbeat increased a few times during the night as well as her brain activity.‘ ‘That’s good, right?‘ ‘Better than we could’ve expected.‘ Tony smiles meekly. ‘I guess I better get working on that arm for her.‘ The door slams open and Natasha rushes in. She looks just as exhausted as Steve and both Bruce and Tony doubt she has had any sleep the past days. ‘It’s a weaponized gas,‘ she tells the three, ‘she found out that Hydra is working on a damn weaponized gas. A biological weapon.‘ She takes over one of the screens in the med bay that wasn’t used and projects her findings. ‘I think we all know how zombies work,‘ she starts her explanation, ‘well, Hydra is planning on making the whole world zombies. Not to bend them to their will, but to make them compliant so they can analyze everyone and make the useless kill themselves. The gas dies down after only a week and will be untraceable after.‘ ‘Let’s get to work.‘ . Bruised, tired, and broken Steve sits down at the side of your bed again. The man hasn’t even taken the time to take off his suit or take a shower. Right when the jet landed, he rushed back to you with Bucky following shortly behind to check on him. He smiles at the sight of you while Bucky leans against the doorpost. He’s worried for his friend, as anyone would be. He had known you for a little bit before you left. No one really knows why you left or how you left without a trace. All they knew is what you left on a note and the note really didn’t say much. Just that it was all too much for you. And yet here you are. You just helped save the world from great misery and you don’t even know it. How did all this happen? Steve lets his head hang. ‘Y/n, I don’t know if you can hear me but I need you to know that we did it,’ he tells your unconscious body, ‘we stopped them and no one died except for some Hydra scum. And Stark promised to start working on your arm tomorrow, so you better wake up so his work doesn’t go to waste.’ He looks up at Bucky for a second who seems to have teary eyes as well. Slowly, more Avengers come walking in. Bruce takes a seat at a desk, Tony sits down on top of the desk, Natasha sits down next to Steve, even Sam decided to come to support you even though he doesn’t really know you so he just leans against the doorframe with Bucky, Peter doesn’t know you either but stands behind Bucky and Sam to silently support everyone in the room. ‘I think I speak for all of us when I say we missed you,‘ Steve continues, ‘work has been different without you around. And though we all wanted you back, I don’t think any of us would’ve wanted to see you like this. We miss you.‘ ‘Speak for yourself,‘ Tony comments through tears, ‘she bled on my couch.‘ . Your USB had more information on it than just the gas. Peter and Bruce have been trying to decipher it for a week or two when Peter takes another look at you through the glass walls of the lab. ‘Doctor Bruce, I know it’s a bit strange to ask this late, but who is she?‘ Bruce peeks up from his work and walks over to the kid. He looks through the glass and sees her steady heartbeat and active brain. Your brain had been active for some time now and yet you still weren’t waking up. ‘Y/n Y/l/n,‘ he smiles, ‘think Natasha, but more motherly. In fact, there was this running joke that she would be a great mother but she’d always say she already has too many kids to take care of here. She was a great agent, but one day she just up and left. None of us knew where she went or how she disappeared without a trace but she did. We hadn’t seen her in years when she turned up.‘ Peter nods at his explanation but continues to stare. Lost in thoughts, he starts twiddling with his fingers while Bruce turns back to work. Peter sees Steve come into the med bay like he had done many times this week. Most times he’d stay for an hour or so to talk to her about anything and everything. Some others tried to talk to her too but most got too emotional. Not Steve. If they’d let him, he’d sit there the whole damn day. He’d sleep by her side if the bed was big enough. He was there whenever there was a change in her activities. ‘Why is Steve so fond of her?‘ ‘They were friends. She’s known him from the start and she’s always trusted him,‘ Bruce tells the kid, ‘she trusted him when he found out Hydra was infiltrating Shield, she trusted him when he told her Bucky had saved him, and she trusted him when he said they could trust Bucky. She’s been there for him every step of the way. I think there was something more there but I’m not sure.‘ Peter nods and gets back to work. Steve deserves some privacy with her. So he and Bruce continue to decode Hydra files. . ‘Steve Rogers, the alarm has been set off. There is activity in the kitchen. The activity seems harmless.‘ Steve groans at the sound of Friday’s voice. ‘Why are you waking me?‘ ‘Tony has already been alerted. He asked to wake the others as this might have to do with the USB agent Y/n brought in.‘ That’s all it takes to get Steve on his feet. He quickly puts on the first clothes he finds which are joggers and a T-shirt. He sneaks into the hallway, meeting with Natasha who is already wielding a gun. The two stalk slowly towards the kitchen where it seems someone has put on the lights. They go into high alert. Either this is a very cocky Hydra agent or someone who doesn’t have clearance to be here at night. As they go around the corner they find- ‘Oh, hi,‘ you say casually. They look at you with their jaws on the ground. To be fair, it must be a funny scene. You’re not used to eating with one hand and your bowl keeps slipping away from you every time you dig your spoon a little too deep into the ice cream you found. So you’re sitting hunched over, holding back the bowl with your stump and your elbow on your other arm while instantaneously trying to eat the ice cream. It’s a mess. Or it could be the fact that you’re awake. Who knows? You surely don’t. You honestly feel like you’ve just had a very good night’s rest. ‘What are- Why- How-‘ Steve stutters his words, not really sure how to react to you. ‘It’s ice cream,‘ you tell him, ‘I was hungry, and I’m not quite sure how I’m managing this but it’s going.‘ He looks at you like you’ve just told him you’re a flat earther. He doesn’t understand a thing coming out of your mouth while you’re just answering his questions. Natasha finally lowers her gun. ‘What he means to say is: why the hell are you out of bed and how are you acting so casual when you’ve been in a coma for weeks?’ ‘Weeks? I thought I just slept through the day. I had a really nice dream,‘ you smile, ‘Steve and I were sitting on the rooftop and we were just talking about everything that has been going on these past years. Though I’m sure I imagined most of it.‘ A small smile appears on Steve’s face. You heard him in your sleep. He pulls you into a tight hug and doesn’t let go until Bruce and Tony come running into the kitchen. ‘Y/n is go- oh,‘ Tony looks surprised to see you sitting at the table with a bowl of ice cream. Just as confuses as Steve had looked, if not more. ‘We though you- oh well, that’s fine I guess.‘ ‘Say, Tony, am I still getting that arm because this is terrible,‘ you joke as you attempt to eat the ice cream again. ‘I-‘ he stops himself for a second to reevaluate what he was going to say, ‘no, why the hell are you ok? You’ve been in a coma for weeks.‘ ‘I know. Steve told me,‘ you sigh, ‘honestly, thank you for telling me that. I thought I had lost my strength overnight. I had such a hard time walking.‘ ‘You should rest,‘ Natasha states. ‘Why? You just told me I’ve been in a coma for weeks. I’ve had enough rest,‘ you stubbornly try to cross your arms only to realize you only have 1.5 arms. They watch the smile on your face falter for a second before a yawn leaves your lips. ‘Ok, sure, that’s on me. Where do I sleep? Because I’m not taking the couch if that thing still has dried blood on it.‘ ‘It’s your blood,‘ Tony snaps at you. ‘I know, that doesn’t make it less disgusting.‘ Tony rubs his forehead. Ah, that’s where all his headaches went. You took them with you when you left. ‘You can stay with me,’ Steve offers. You smile. ‘I’d like that.’ . ‘There you go. Try to move your fingers.‘ You marvel at the shiny vibranium arm that is now attached to the remainder of your arm. You don’t try to move quite yet, scared that it might not work and you’ll be excited about nothing. It’s already a strange feeling though. You can see your metal limb, but your body is not understanding that it’s a part of your body. You look at Steve, who is sat next to you, for a second, hoping to get some encouragement from him. He grabs your normal hand and squeezes it gently as he smiles at you. ‘You can do it,’ he tells you but it sounds like a promise. Carefully, you focus on moving a finger. Tony watches hopefully when your index finger starts to move a little bit. You try to move your thumb and watch it move. It still doesn’t register in your head that that is your limb, but it is doing it. Then you try to turn your hand and it works too. And then comes the big thing. Actually lifting your arm. You focus on trying to lift it as hard as you can. It comes off the table just a little bit and suddenly it clicks. ‘Holy shit,‘ you cuss excitedly, ‘Steve, are you seeing this?‘ Steve has tears in his eyes as he watches the excitement double in your face. ‘I am.‘ ‘This is insane. Wow,‘ you awe, moving around more and more, ‘Tony, this is amazing. You are the best.‘ ‘Don’t praise me yet. Try picking something up.‘ Steve puts his cup of coffee down in front of you and you move the metal arm to pick it up. The whole thing looks a bit clumsy, like a baby giraffe walking for the first time, but you’re doing it. You’re actually picking up the cup. ‘Stark, you did it,‘ Steve praises with a huge grin on his face. ‘This is so fucking cool,‘ you look amazed at your arm. ‘Language.‘ ‘Yes cap,‘ you turn to Tony, ‘so what’s next?’ ‘I don’t know, you tell me,’ he says. You look at Steve and frown for a second. He nods. ‘I think I’ve left some loose ends here,’ you tell Tony while continuing to look at Steve, ‘I’d like to get a chance to tie them up.’ ‘Sure, but if Morgan can’t be the flower girl, you’re out.’ Your lips pull into a loving smile, your eyes still glued to Steve. He looks hopeful and that’s all you need. ‘Deal.’