#my beloved came to ask

[kittycatcarla]

What is chelldos? /genq

TL;DR: Chell + Glados ship from game franchise Portal

Long answer under the cut (im surprisef im talking this much about this random thing)

Long answer: (im assuming you asked this due to my header) So essentially about a year or more ago, before i started to socially transition online (mostly on tumblr) my header used to have my fake internet name, which right now is also my internet deadname. Anyway at some point i started experimenting with she/her pronouns, as one does, and eventually i decided that i wanna start using the name "Carla". My url and profile still went at that point by my deadname so i mustered as much creativity as i could (read: not that much in the grand scheme of things) and came up with my current url as of writing this post (undead-dreams-of-overmorrow) and had then to come up with a new header. Because portal was one of the few fandoms i was in at that time and because chelldos was my favourite ship and because i was a lesbian i decided fuck it "chelldos made me who i am"

[stealingpotatoes]

Arcane fan spotted 👁️👁️🫵

(Spoilers) Crazy how Mel literally lost everyone she cared about alongside completely losing herself. She lost her best friend, her mother, her boyfriend, her close friend in Viktor and she doesn’t even have Caitlyn anymore since she’s moving back to Noxus. She also lost everything she built for herself, her identity, her belief system that conflict can be solved diplomatically and just decided to give in to all of it, to become everything she never wanted to be in the absence of an identity to latch onto. I’m not okay. The way her outfit changes to be combat-ready instead of her usual nonviolent long dress. She isn’t just stripped of herself, she’s turned into a weapon. She wears a plain white hood because she just wants to hide instead of her usual flashy stuff. I’m going to cry. Mel Merdarda I am so sorry. Lest better be alive so she can have a good cry sesh.

MEL MEDARDA MY FAVOURITE ARCANE CHARACTER!!!!!! IM WRAPPING HER IN A BLANKET BURRITOOO

[blorbocedes]

ok hear me out.... totally crazy idea.... max / lando mind games

Lando stops from where he's grinding against Max's thigh to look up hesitantly. "Hey, you're not like, mad at me from last week's radio, right? Cause Daniel was saying in the media..."

Max is broken out of his spacing out, blinking and then frowning as he registers Lando's words. "I have not spoken to Daniel." His hand curls against Lando's thigh.

Lando nods. Right. Cause it would be pretty awkward of them to be doing this if Max was mad at him. Max's thigh is a solid weight under him and his dick is missing the friction already. They're not supposed to have sex during race week so they improvise. This is basically building core strength for Lando.

"So, we're cool." Lando says nonchalantly, squeezing Max's shoulder in a friendly manner and also to balance himself, gearing himself ready to start back up. His underwear had pooled a small wet spot of precome already.

This time Max stops him. The grip on his waist tightens, stopping his hips from moving. Max holds his gaze in that intense eye contact he likes to hold, that Lando can't shy away from. "Why would we not be cool? It is, of course, your championship to win now,"

Lando's dick is so hard, it twinges in pain. To gain some leverage, he palms Max's half-hard cock through his briefs.

"Which makes it my championship to lose." Max finishes wryly.

"Don't say that." Lando mutters, ears going red, flaming downwards. Lando thumbs Max's bulbous tip to be petty, and Max digs his thumb and fingers into the soft flesh of Lando's waist, who takes the opportunity to continue rutting against him. He knows, okay, Lando knows it's a possibility even as he tells everyone he's taking it one race at a time. There's a chance. But it's also Max. And Max is the driver he rates the most, why it feels so, so rewarding to beat him. 70 points is not nothing, in 9 races, anything can happen. A single safety car can change the entire standings.

Lando grinds against Max's thigh, bare skin against harsh sensations of cotton making him feel all sorts of frayed. This entire year, he wanted to be taken seriously as a title contender and now everybody's treating like it's a done deal, causing major whiplash.

"Why not? It's true." Max says matter-of-factly, appearing unruffled even as his pupils are completely dark drowning out that ocean blue as he watches Lando's breathing get faster and his hands on Lando are practically pulling his hips forward in rhythm.

"You've got the same chance as me, mate." Lando's heart rate is speeding up. He paws at Max's dick, which is now fully erect, and jerks it off in harsh strokes. It's a nice dick, average sized on the girther end, not terrifyingly large like in porn. Very friend shaped. "It's still anybody's game."

By anybody he means just the two of them. But then again, Max knows that too.

"I can only outdrive the car. You have the fastest car. 9 perfect races. Vettel's done it before," The 'I've done it' goes unsaid but heard regardless. "It's in your hands now."

The only trophy in Lando's hands right now is attached to Max. Fuck you, Lando thinks. When he was first starting to jerk off as a hormonal teenager, he was scared he was doing it so much he would rip it straight off. He imagines ripping it off Max, blood spurting everywhere, misses the race, the championship is secured. He doesn't actually want to do that. He imagines getting on his knees, and taking Max's length in its entirety in his mouth - the way he can never quite manage in real life - look up at him, recently as heavenly light shines on him. The pressure is building in the pit of Lando's stomach, he's thinking every thought that crosses his head to find the one that pushes him over the edge into sweet release.

"When you're in the fastest car, everything below first in underperforming." Max is rolling his own hips now too, voice more breathy.

"You think I don't fucking know that?" Lando snaps, emotional regulation out of bounds, as if he isn't very well aware of the mountain to climb, the ones Max has scaled and back. They're all fucking competitors. Second place is first loser.

Max pulls Lando close, their dicks finally, finally making contact through two thin layers of cotton. Still, he can feel the weight, the shape of it under him and it feels obscene. Like pretend sex, instead of the real thing. The touch feels electrifying, even as it's not enough. They're in a kind of fucked up embrace, hips moving in tandem. Max pats Lando's back reassuringly, going down to his spine.

"Come on. We can be World Champion, Lando." His words are mocking, but they do it for Lando who buries his groan into Max's neck, feeling his orgasm being pulled out from him.

Max doesn't let him relish in the afterglow, wastes no time in taking Lando's hand and pulling it down his pants and jerks himself off. He bites Lando's shoulder as he finishes, making Lando twitch, spilling over both of their hands.

Finally, Lando flops over him on the sofa, both of them sharing wet patches on the front of their underwear. When the high from the orgasm subsides, the shame of rubbing one out against his main rival's leg and wanting his approval creeps in.

9 perfect races swims in his head.

He knows Max will do everything in his power to win, it just doesn't occur to him he's one of those things too.

[elizabethrobertajones]

tbh I was wrong when I said that trans Estinien wouldn't have done anything different except she'd knock the stomach plate out of her dragoon armour once she realised what she wanted to present as.

Aymeric would woo the fuck out of her with full courtly hand kisses and calling her "my lady" and dancing in front of the fire etc and she would be helpless.

[bajaja-blast]

Just gonna drop this here… 🤭

Ah yes, my comfort ship: Blonde Superman x Supreme Commander of the Argo II <333

[yuwuta]

knight yuta who at first glance looks like someone clumsy and who barely knows how to hold a sword but who's actually the most skilled and bloodthirsty of all the knights, he simply doesn't like you to see that side of him and he also likes the attention you give him when you think he got hurt 😊

oh the best of both worlds… the other knights always say he goes easier on them when the princess is watching, and they don’t get why—wouldn’t he want to show off when you’re watching? but yuuta doesn’t want you to see him as violent… he wants you to know that he can protect you, but you shouldn’t have to see him do the worst 😇😇 also liking the attention you give him so true, he would like that you worry and fuss over him when he returns. also the idea of him being so self-sacrificing in battle, not just to protect the others and you, but because shouldering the brunt of the injuries means he has your undivided attention caring for him when he gets back he is so not slick omg..

[polin-erospsyche]

I don’t know what I’m more baffled by, the fact that he apparently refers to her as my beloved Penelope or the fact that he thinks about her when he thinks about home so essentially she’s his home

The absolute cheek of that man. HOW ON EARTH DID IT TAKE A DAMN KISS FOR HIM TO SEE THAT THIS IS NOT JUST BFF BEHAVIOUR????

[eydilily]

and the rarepair has suffered dilution by people picking their own new names for it instead of using the already established ship name, making it 10x harder to find stuff for them

slabtek is so ugly and everyone was already using tangtho for everything

you make a valid point, however i literally could not care any less

[azu1as]

You are amazing! Amazing! And I'm a greedy person, so I propose: Older! Time traveler! Baek Cheon and Tang Bo compete for Cheong Myeong's affection. CM is oblivious and CMun is in hell reserved for protective older brothers. Those perverted bastards! How dare they lust after his precious, naive and innocent sajae?! He'll break their heads!

You're so sweet to me 🥺🫶 thank you so much!!!!

also I ADORE TIME TRAVEL AUs sm you have no idea how giddy I got when I saw this ask WAHAHAHA

»—————————–✄

"Oh? He's pretty handsome..."

Tang Bo almost spills the alcohol he was pouring into his cup. His eyes immediately snap towards Chung Myung's face as he slowly lowers the bottle back on the table.

This guy slouched in front of him wasn't someone who gave compliments that easily. It took months of nudging and stubborn insistence for Chung Myung to finally admit that Tang Bo was 'passable-looking, sure, whatever'—a compliment that had to be drawn out tooth and nail but one that Tang Bo won through hard work and effort.

So, surely, he must have misheard Chung Myung's muttering.

"Did you say something, hyung-nim?" Tang Bo asks, smile twitching stiffly at the way Chung Myung's gaze remained locked on something—someone—behind Tang Bo as he took a long sip from his own cup.

"That man behind you," Chung Myung replies, pointing at the subject of their conversation with his mouth non-too-discretely. "He looks like a traveling prince or something."

Tang Bo doesn't know what minute expression passed through his face, but Chung Myung catches it well enough and raises a questioning eyebrow at him.

"I'm serious." Chung Myung insists, not realizing that Tang Bo is irritated for a completely different reason. "He really does look like some well-off to-do guy."

Tang Bo huffs and turns around without any subtlety whatsoever, determined to see what 'this prince guy' looked like to have managed to snag his hyung's attention so easily.

Tang Bo lets out an indignant noise. Okay, he'll admit it. The guy was abnormally handsome. He had well-defined androgynous facial features and an equally well-defined body, Tang Bo thinks, as his gaze locks onto the man's thick and muscled arms.

There might have been merit in Chung Myung's comment about this guy probably being a prince of sorts. If he was, Tang Bo would hedge a guess that he was a runaway one.

The man wore faded, plain white robes without any discernable insignia marking him from a sect or family. He had a similarly white headband strapped across his forehead with dark bangs framing an unblemished face.

If he was trying to disguise himself or hide his identity, he was doing a terrible job at it. Despite the simplicity of his outfit, his presence alone (and face) demanded attention.

"Told you." Chung Myung cheekily says, laughing at Tang Bo's disgruntled expression.

Even Tang Bo could admit that the man looks like he stepped out of one of the many heroic epics that common folk often passed around through books and verbal tales. How unfair.

Grumbling lightly, Tang Bo turns back to their table and throws back his cup of alcohol. "Bet he's just some rich runaway brat."

"Eh? Probably. But—ah, huh?"

A shadow falls over Tang Bo and he watches as Chung Myung's surprised face ends up trained above Tang Bo's head.

"Hello." The man greets them with his deep voice.

Ugh, Tang Bo grimaces as he pulls back his chair away from the man's shadow. Even his voice sounded handsome if that were even possible.

But Tang Bo was the gentleman between him and his hyung, so he replies, faking politeness, "Can we help you? My companion and I are in the middle of a meal together, you see."

Tang Bo tenses, immediately on guard when he sees the man's eyes sharpen as it turns towards him, clearly recognizing the dismissive tone Tang Bo used.

Other than an indecipherable flash in his eyes, the man's face (which felt more punch-able by the second, if you asked Tang Bo) remained unchanged.

The disruptor kept his gentle smile and Tang Bo was certain that he chose to stand where he did because of the way the lightbulb illuminated his face from above.

"It's alright, I can wait."

If Tang Bo had any less self-control, he would have already grabbed the man by the lapels of his faded robes and tossed him out of the establishment himself.

Who the hell was this man to have the audacity to look at his Chung Myung with such a warm gaze as he said that?

"Ha. Ha." Tang Bo grits out, a vein in his jaw ticking.

He doesn't care if this man looks like the textbook and fairytale version of a heroic warrior. His shamelessness should cancel out that stupid-looking face of his...!

Tang Bo feels a part of his soul leave at the unfairness of it all when Chung Myung shifts in his seat in involuntary self-consciousness.

Normal people wouldn't have noticed that—hell, not even Chung Myung himself probably realized!—but Tang Bo knew his hyung. They've spent too much time together to not not know each other's body language.

So why?

Why the hell did Tang Bo just spot a smirk on the man's face, huh?!?!

Chung Myung's eyes waver momentarily for reasons Tang Bo couldn't pick out, but Chung Myung hesitantly (why, hyung?!) opens his mouth and asks, "Have we...met before?"

Tang Bo's eyes nearly bulge out of his skull at the flirtatious-sounding sentence.

He knows Chung Myung doesn't realize it, but his hyung was personally handing over a signed warrant to this man, allowing him permission to take as many shameless liberties as he wanted.

In times like this, Tang Bo wishes his hyung wasn't as socially oblivious as he was.

He knows it's a futile hope to wish that the man missed the opening. But he seemed to recognize that Chung Myung was asking the question with pure face value.

Nonetheless, Tang Bo wishes he hadn't suggested this very detour for some alcohol because then they wouldn't have encountered this tall man in front of them.

The stupid, headband-wearing man hums as he fiddles lightly with the pink tassel on the hilt of his sheathed sword.

His gaze goes a bit distant as if recalling a far-off memory, and when he blinks back to reality, he lets out a deep, vibrating chuckle and locks eyes with Chung Myung.

"You were unforgettable."

Tang Bo's lips tremble. Why did it sound as if this man was insinuating something? His words felt like a romantic confession as well as a pointed barb directed at Tang Bo.

Chung Myung coughs lightly at the odd compliment thrown at him and throws back in one go the remaining alcohol in their shared bottle. He chuckles awkwardly before motioning at the man to sit down on the other side of the table.

Tang Bo doesn't think Chung Myung realizes it, but a light pink flush is spread over his cheeks.

And Tang Bo, unconsciously crushing the cup of alcohol in his hand, knew that it wasn't because of the alcohol.

[bloodrock-lobster]

One of my besties, @seealandraw , drew my most beloved oc as a gift!!

This is Nieri, and they're fucking DEAD and LOVING IT! MOSTLY! They're an ex-actor and the manager for the charismatic gym leader at Stow-on-Side (MANY years before Bea and Allister took over.) Captain is the combined passion project of Nieri and an Ancient Shiny Dhelmise permanently soulbound to them that's been keeping them alive ever since it accidentally aided in their suicide! 😊👍

[kittycatcarla]

Incognito is a feature on most browsers so that your search history and stuff like that isn't saved

Im a computer nerd, i knew that

Also incognito is for the mlst part useless cayse it provides a false sense of security :)

At least if you dont build on it

The better option without going ballistic would be using Tor, possibly with a vpn if possible

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

I bet Sasha could very easily lift Marcy in her arms like if she's trying to reach a top shelf or something Sasha will just randomly grab her and raise her up like it's nothing. And it's true Marcy weights nothing to her. Comes with having super-strength and a matchstick-shaped girlfriend. She acts like its nothing as if she wasn't making Marcy's poor lesbian brain short-circuit every time.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I just saw the excellent post about Chuuya's loyalty and 1) how he hasn't questioned his philosophy and 2) "In a world where a "path" typically involves challenging the characters' philosophies and forcing them to reevaluate, what the hell is going to have to happen to get Chuuya to do the same?" (quoting you)

Chuuya is always used by others. He's not the only BSD character whose been taken advantage of, but it does seem to be reoccurring with him? First by the government who intended to use him as a super weapon, then by the Sheep who used him for his ability, then by mafia/Mori (getting him to join in exchange for sparing the sheep, keeping his past from him and giving him incentive to become an executive and stay in the organization). He's constantly used for his power.

Please tell me if I'm misinterpreting what you all said, but it seems (to me) that Chuuya ignores the mafia's/Mori's manipulation because they have helped him and given him a home+family, so he's instead loyal to them.

Because even though Mori has not and is using him for his power, he still allows it/goes along with it because they've helped him in the past and earned his loyalty.

So Chuuya tolerates being used.

He's now being used again, obviously, in part, because of his power. We have Fyodor referring to him as just his ability and bragging about how he can "use" him better than Dazai ("doesn't that mean you're unfit to USE a gravity manipulator")

Do you think it's possible that just being vamped and used again will cause him to reflect on his mentality? He's once again being used (but be it in far more blatant way: literal mind control. Also reminds me of Verlaine+his creator). Reflecting on how he's been used in the past and no longer accepting being used by others anymore?

Or do you think it might have the opposite affect and push him deeper into the mafia somehow

Also it's interesting that Fyodor is using him but hasn't earned his loyalty (like the sheep+mafia) and how that'll affect Chuuya

I'll get to the second ask in a bit but I'm combining these because they're related.

About the first ask: I mean, yeah, you're right about this. I don't know that I'd consider it so much "ignoring" though as "the benefits outweigh the costs so whatever", and I do want to state that I'm pretty sure Mori is genuinely at least a little fond of Chuuya (see: their conversation about leadership at the end of Fifteen), and his Mafia colleagues do respect him.

But yeah, you are absolutely right to say that there is a pattern of people who want Chuuya for his ability and his loyalty, and/or reduced him down to these traits. Playing hot potato with the escaped military lab experiment and the Mafia won (<-simplification for the funnies but still).

But here's the thing: if this was the end of it, we might expect to see some resentment mixed in there from Chuuya. He was blackmailed with the Sheep's lives. His past was intentionally locked away from him until he worked his way up to executive. That's... not great.

But instead we find pretty much only gratitude from him. Why?

Well, see, there's a reason I put the return of Chuuya's screwed up self-concept in the tags on that post, because it's kind of at the heart of his impressive loyalty. Chuuya believes that since he is the one with the strongest power, that makes him responsible for protecting everyone else, which means that he rationalizes any concern or protection directed at him as something "above and beyond", and worthy of recognition and repayment. Remember that he genuinely felt like just a vessel for power and nothing else for apparently quite a bit of his childhood, and the Sheep emphasizing that he owed them for taking him in probably did not help.

When it comes to having his back, the Mafia did this for him in a way no one else did. They protect their own, a value that aligns closely with Chuuya's own personal philosophy. The Mafia is also relatively safe from external threat, if we recall Dazai's pitch to Odasaku in Day I Picked Up Dazai - Odasaku is being targeted, but no one in their right mind would challenge the Mafia just to get to him. So, the Mafia has provided Chuuya with protection, comradery, and relative safety, which in my mind all condenses into a central need that takes precedence over everything else to him.

Chuuya's core need is actually stability.

And this makes quite a bit of sense. He started off as a kid with no memories and a whole lot of trauma he couldn't remember the roots of. One's past is a source of stability, but that had been taken from him. His position as leader of the Sheep was shaky. Even his identity as a human being was called into question. Chuuya as a kid and teen was largely untethered, separate from everyone else with no way to ground himself. Under those circumstances, something that originated as a chain could easily become a safety rope.

And once Chuuya found this stability, there was really no need for him to change anything. So he didn't. He settled into his new role and became really, really good at it, and didn't bother to re-evaluate beyond that. Why would he? That minimal core need has been met, despite the rocky beginning.

Which brings me to this second ask because it's actually incredibly relevant. Yes, Chuuya and Sigma are alike. You are not losing it anon.

Let's run a list, shall we? They both awoke with no memories and a missing history, and had their humanity called into question. They were used and blackmailed repeatedly, which they were, fortunately and unfortunately, consciously aware of. When they find something that matters to them, they become violently defensive of it. They both operate on principles of reciprocity and transaction because that is what they believe to be normal in relationships (Sigma's ability even is quite literally a transaction!). They both have pretty low standards for their assistance (Sigma hearing one (1) single person (Atsushi) be kind to him in what he thought were his last moments, Chuuya "You have helped Chuuya! Chuuya will now kill and die for you!" Nakahara).

Above all else, they are looking for stability. They are looking for a home.

As of yet, Sigma hasn't found a true home, but it seems we may be building up to him joining the ADA. The key part is Sigma's realization that the Agency doesn't rely solely on transaction. Dazai is not using the Agency, the Agency is not using Dazai. The Agency members are all helping each other. They care about each other.

Meanwhile, Chuuya has already found a place that provides his core need, but there's one caveat about the Mafia that should be clarified here - as Odasaku says in Dark Era, people within its ranks don't talk about personal matters and feelings with each other, and everyone instead keeps to themselves. If you don't talk about your issues or air them out, relations tend to stay personally shallow and dictated almost entirely by the demands and positions of the organization. This is not a conducive environment for reappraisal or self-exploration.

Unfortunately, this is ideal for Mr. Chuuya "I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die" Nakahara.

Chuuya has found some measure of stability - solace in his own self-defined identity in spite of the initial ambiguity as to his humanity. "This is who I am", "Till those flames die down, I can't just do whatever I want", "I'm gonna do what I need to do", etc. But importantly, this identity is entangled in whichever group he happens to be a part of, which in this case is the Mafia. This kind of self-identity cannot exist without the structure of an organization. It relies on the reciprocity of a group.

Moreover, it relies on Chuuya showing very little vulnerability. Compartmentalize, and move on. He expects that of himself.

So, we've established that Chuuya has his core need for stability met by the Mafia - a relatively secure place that runs on transaction, which is familiar to him - yet it also doesn't push him out of his comfort zone with respect to emotional vulnerability and openness. What this means is that, in the Mafia, Chuuya is practically invincible, both physically (his ability, his martial arts prowess) and emotionally (personal life kept hidden and guarded as a Mafia expectation).

Unfortunately, this means Chuuya also remains stagnant as a character, which finally, finally brings me back to your original question anon.

No, I don't think the vampirism is enough to trigger change in Chuuya's character. Chuuya has some standards, and treating him like a tool (and Dazai's tool, no less) is going to seriously piss him off, but that's anger at Fyodor, and it doesn't impact his stability with the Mafia any which way. If Chuuya had've been forced to activate Corruption to escape the drowning then maybe he would've been angry with Dazai enough for something to shift (activation being his own choice is a huge theme with them), but since he didn't, I expect Chuuya will unfortunately just shrug it off and roll with it. Probably yell at him for a bit, but nothing that would have far-reaching consequences for his character unless there is something about his current situation we don't yet know.

I think for Chuuya to grow and change as a character, he needs something major to shift in his life - the threat has to come from within his place of security. He needs to be destabilized. Something needs to happen that specifically targets his tethers and his self-concept.

Personally, my money's on the destabilization of his bond with Mori, who he has the most respect for, because that might trigger development related to leadership and goals, but I guess we'll see. I think it'll probably be incredibly heart wrenching and hurt us all severely, whatever it is.

Huh. I wrote a lot. Congrats for making it to the end! I'm going to sleep now. :D

—

Edited by removing the entire middle section because it was absolute garbage and probably should’ve been its own post. I hope the rest of this holds up. That’s what I get for writing things at 2 in the morning I guess.

[bibibbon]

Mel Medarda for the character bingo?

I wanna use this post to clarify that you can send me an ask about any character in a show that I have talked about here.

I have so many thoughts about mel she is my 4th favourite character in arcane!!!

I love her as a morally grey character. Her relationship with ambessa. The tragic fact that mel is similar to her mother ambessa drives me insane. The fact that mel does love her mother after all that happened and that ambessa also loves her daughter again drives me insane. The fact that it is implied that ambessa probably saw aspects of mel in caitlyns character drives me insane.

Mel's desire for legacy to put piltover on the map and for it to be great so she could prove her mother wrong, so she could gain the attention and even love of her mother again drives me insane. You can so heavily see how mel's noxus upbringing has affected her views and outlook on life. How she views relationships to be transactional and heavily conditional drives me up the walls. You see it in the way she interacts with people in season 1, how distant she seemed in the early acts, how she isn't depicted to have a close relationship with characters even elora and her relationship heavily remind me of what silco and sevika kinda had.

There's something really interesting in how that part of her that viewed relationships as transactional could have been fully unlearned in season 2. Jayce's relationship with mel is the first on-screen relationship that mel has that we get to see her open up about things, jayce is a catalyst for mel. The more she is with him, the more she unwinds, and we see more of her, we get to see past the richest person in piltover image that she has and we see the motives that she has.

Her view of relationships being transactional is a double-edged sword for her because it is tragic from a character perspective that she doesn't get to form deep connections. In a way, her view isolates her. I also think that it's a character flaw that she has. An empath who is almost afraid to connect to the people, almost avoiding her own calling?

Mel's view ends up interwoven into her political stance, which has its good and bad. She is a social engineer. She can easily get what she wants and would poltically manipulate the situation to achieve it. Her desire and ambitious drive for legacy end up contributing to the oppression of zaun (something that she, jayce, and partially viktor, share in common)

She like jayce and viktor are all ambitious, and its through that ambition, they are able to achieve 2 major things, which are the creation of hextech and zauns independence. I was quite annoyed with how her character was handled in season 2, especially because it ditched the political plot line, which is something that mel's character thrives off. I was expecting her to fully start to contrast her mother, to form a partnership with lest and through this partnership she starts to understand her own failures as a Councillor when it comes to the undercity.

Her interaction with lest was one of my favourites because it really did call out her flaw. You had lest confornt her and say "you're using me to get to her and then what? You take what you need and hang me out to dry?"

Also, I want to comment that I absolutely love the parallels mel has with characters like ambessa, caitlyn, jayce, and viktor.

I wanted mel to connect more to the undercity, and I did point out that she could do it with lest, but she also should have had interactions with viktor. Season 1 didn't show us much of the two, but I really did like their political disagreement and how the series depicts these two as foils. Mel and viktor foils can be interpreted in multiple ways. Personally, I interpret them in these two ways:

It's a heavy parallel into the similarities that mel and viktor have in terms of upbringing. Both zaun and noxus don't allow for one to be so hopeful, for one to have a childhood, both areas thrive on one having to climb and fight for power, to survive.

Through her foil with viktor, this is another way I see her connecting to zaun, taking up her responsibilities as a Councillor and contributing to breaking the cycle, becoming a symbol of progress trying to right her wrongs as a Councillor.

Her foil with viktor is also supposed to show the dual nature of magic. I hate the interpretation that natural magic is good and that hexcore magic is bad because it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The foil is supposed to show the duality of magic. How magic can be good and bad how it can benefit the people and harm them and I see this through both mel and viktors actions (aka they both represent that equilibrium both viktor and mel do good and bad instead of it being mel's magic = good viktor's = bad)

Again, I think another interesting aspect of mel is that she isn't someone who is willing to hold power directly.

I find this aspect of her really interesting because rather than seizing the power and choosing to do what she can and want with it, she usually just has other people seize it. This goes back to her forming transactional relationships that way. I think that this type of behaviour is due to her noxus upbringing how there always used to be a power struggle so she can now avoid this by hiding behind the throne and having power behind the throne instead of claiming it.

Her speech when she was a child explains who mel is as a character and who she ends up becoming. First before mel even says anything ambessa states that for mel to be the best version of herself she must be "both the fox and the wolf" and in the end mel is indeed both the fox and the wolf. It is her becoming that,that she is able to do what's right and kill her mother. Mel is versatile and you see it exactly with the way she utilises her own mage powers, the way that shield is used to both protect but also harm and with that mel unlike any other character represents a dual nature in herself which she fully gains after killing her mother.

Now let's talk about mel's own speech. "We should paint the walls in gold, import crystal chandeliers. Advisors will enter here, but the regent will have her own secret entrance. She should have a kind fat face, clever to mould her subjects but pliable so we can mould her."

Now, this quote to me is applicable to three characters. Mel, jayce, and caitlyn, and this all occurs in different concepts.

This is applicable to mel, especially the we should paint the walls gold. Something something in the face of horror, mel tries to hide herself and, by extension, piltover and zaun by painting herself and piltover gold. Gold is the main colour for mel, piltover, and the council.

By extension, this speech also has the ability to apply to jayce and what mel wanted him to be(in the beginning, her views change, and that's so important). She builds up jayce as the veto head of the council. Jayce is charming. He was able to somehow sway the council to get a uniamious vote to kick heimerdinger out when he was just hated for tackling the corruption in the council days or even weeks prior. The man of progress funnily enough is someone who has the ability heavily influence individuals through his actions but is also someone who is heavily infulenced which is really interesting because between mel and jayce this ends up being a relationship of the two heavily changing and influencing eachother for better or for worse.

Now, (ambessa and mel parallels) this speech again applies to caitlyn. While mel heavily applies this speech to jayce, ambessa heavily applies this speech to caitlyn. Giving caitlyn power in season 2, teaching her how to fight, manipulating, and guiding caitlyn. All of this is something that ambessa does but slowly she starts to be somewhat changed by caitlyn as she sees aspects of mel in caitlyn herself it's why ambessa's right hand man says that ambessa will feel betrayed by what caitlyn has done.

I think that one of the reasons why mel is backing up caitlyn in the final fight with ambessa is to represent mel's growth as a character. This, in my opinion, is supposed to be a full circle moment for mel as she fully deviates from the path she was set on and ends up with new found understanding fighting for what's right.

Finally, mel and jayce are a tragedy. I will say it's an interesting dynamic with various nuances. They both represent very interesting things to one another. For mel, jayce is a catalyst. He is a symbol of revolution, and he is someone who changes her for better or for worse. Essentially, these two characters have very quick and intersecting paths. Season 1 they may have not had many similarities with mel sharing her past of how she is an exile from noxus, but jayce failing to connect with her even with him, almost being an exile from piltover. Season 2 has them have very direct parallels (could have been more direct had they not dropped their political plot line), with both of them experiencing horror of magic but coming out of it as two very different people. Mels own experiences cause for her to be eager to open up, I imagine that during her kidnapping arc she only had her memories to anchor her and keep her sane (ended up doing the opposite for jayce) she saw a better path but also felt saddled by the revelation of her being a mage.

Her arc with jayce was intriguing to me, especially because I interpret it as a tragedy, and I also interpret them as having broken up after this point in the show. I wanna clarify that breakups aren't always because people fall out of love, I think they still held affection and care for another. You see it in their final scene. You see, their whole reason their argument is so heated is because they held that trust and care that they both felt was betrayed by the other. I think that their paths diverged and that's normal and also I genuinely feel like jayce wouldn't have lived long anyways after coming back from that universe because I think he was dying from that infection and no one can convince me otherwise.

(I am not gonna get into their argument or the other things because I think others have covered that and I think their arcs not having the political plot line that they were supposed to have left that "investment" type of confrontation very underwhelming for both characters in term of their change and growth)

In the end, I am pissed that they dropped the politics plot line for her and that they also made her all alone. I am so sorry, but they shouldn't have killed elora, and we should have seen her form other relationships with lest and other characters. I get a huge part of her character is supposed to be a tragedy, but Gosh, did they fumble so badly.

[astros-arts-inthestars]

SUPER LATE BUT

Happy Birthday Kel <333

I dubbed the comic I made last year for his birthday! I've been meaning to do this since I got like. 400 notes FHDJKASKFSH but this is my first time ever editing a comic dub so PLEASE DONT JUDGE IT LMAOOOO

Shoutout to my friends Void and Chip (and my brother) for the additional voices im so sorry i made you guys do this I love you thank you so much you tried your best <3333