#my beautiful princess with a disorder dying

[the-home-of-innovation]

Whatever man I don't care I don't actually care

[rath00ker]

The way I feel about Jade is the way that man must have felt like in the Red Flags music video. Like he might kill me in my sleep but babe is such a cutie <3

[sundrykitsch]

the cutest in the whole worlddd

[randomusernameofthegeneration]

THSI SI SO PRETTY AUGHHKKK I LOVE THE WAY U DRAW FACES SM u are king vampy u da goat

Heyyy so Conrad wip I may or may not finish I love his design so much the movie really peaked in terms of design everyone looked so good

[roryknightwrites]

Aventurine Is BPD Coded- Some Thoughts

Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!

A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)

Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!

Some context before I start:

1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!

2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).

3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^

CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances

Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine has a case of Beautiful Princess Disorder, and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.

First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).

But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.'  They're trauma responses.

Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).

Fear of Abandonment:

Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.

First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever –  is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?” 

That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."

This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.

Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.

The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:

Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:

I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."

However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):

I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side

I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life

The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...

Unstable Self-Image; Struggles With Identity or Sense of Self:

The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial: 

Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).

When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.

Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:

“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.

He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”

Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth. 

Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.

While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.

Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.

Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.

But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.

Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.

(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)

Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:

Impulsive or Self-Damaging Behaviors + Suicidal Behavior or Self Injury:

I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.

Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:

I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:

"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."

Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over –  it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.

Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:

"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"

Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.

I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'

For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"

Oh, the delicious irony.

That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?

I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.

His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.

So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough.

That being said, we do have to address this little number:

Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!

As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:

n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:

"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.

"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.

He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)

I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:

The instance in Story IV with Opal:

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."

Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.

It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)

Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.

Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-

Constant Feelings of Worthlessness or Sadness:

Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:

It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.

Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.

The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships. 

This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:

His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?

Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,

"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."

Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.

The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'

(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )

There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.

Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:

As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.

Other Points:

These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.

I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.

Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.

In Conclusion:

I think Aventurine is a borderline princess <3

No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!

Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)

[whosname]

[Id. Pencil sketch of Gintoki holding a dying Takasugi in his arms, they're both pretty beaten up. Next to then there's a screenshot from a (one sided) text conversation that reads "please baby im sorry my beautiful princess with a disorder talk to me." End Id.]

I'm sure this has been done before. Blame this post.

[purplekissinger]

deardiarydeardiarydeardiary

Y/N's been acting strange lately. She may contain the urge to run away, but Tom holds her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks.

🎵alt-J - Breezeblocks🎵

TW: manipulation, mental disorder themes. This is a full blown angst.

The cover: smooth, soft, fine leather. It feels nice to run your hand over it and you do it from time to time. Sometimes it feels warm. The corners: gold, darkened with age. They taste slightly salty (yes, you chewed them at some point, let's not talk about that). The paper: rough, thick, slightly yellow, clean pages like muddy water (there should be a bottom somewhere, but it’s not visible). Tom: soothing, gentle, funny, sympathetic, loving, the best, scary, all-knowing, affectionate, scary, witty, did I mention ‘scary’?

“Nothing special happened today,” you wrote and paused, thinking about your next sentence. He will know if you lie, he has proven it too many times. It's better to  switch the topic quickly. “There is a small problem with the task on potions, maybe you can help me?..”.

Sometimes you use ellipses when talking to him. Poke, poke, poke. Writing lacks the timid intonation so you draw it with dots.

Tom doesn't buy it.

“And what was not special that happened today?”

You began to sleep worse and eat less.

‘Y/N, are you okay?’ - asks someone to your right. It takes you a second to realize that you are sitting at a table in the Great Hall and it’s unbearably noisy here. It takes two more seconds to turn your unseeing gaze to the girl on the right (is that Mary? Mary what’shername? Mary MacDonald? Do we know each other? Why is she talking to me? How did I end up here?).

“Yes, everything is great,” you smile weakly. “I’ll just grab something to eat and it will be even better.”

The plate in front of you is empty. Mary's face is distorted by some kind of emotion, and it takes you another three seconds to recognize pity and disgust in it.

“Molly Prewett said I've been weird lately.”

Molly Prewett said she's already seen you in that shirt for several days in a row. Molly Prewett said your eye is twitching. Molly Prewett said you scream at night.

“Molly Prewett? That fat red-haired girl?” - you can almost see his mocking smile through the pages, and you immediately feel better, as if the invisible fingers squeezing your throat have slightly loosened their grip. “Y/N, dear, please don’t say that she actually managed to hurt your feelings. You do realize why she says that, right? You are the most beautiful and the smartest girl in Hogwarts, and this ugly bitch is simply dying of envy. Damn, I'm dying of self-envy. I’m the luckiest bastard ever to know you. It's a pleasure talking with you. You yourself are a pleasure. Of course, she is jealous, the whole of Hogwarts is crazy about you, otherwise they are just blind. Do you have a mirror in your room right now? Come on, look in it. There’s a princess living in your mirror, go check yourself!”

In your mirror lives a princess who has lain in a coffin for a hundred years. Hair tangled, eyes dull, sweater inside out.

You walk along the corridor,  moving your feet mechanically. You won't be able to remember what lesson is next on the schedule even if your life depends on it. Your peripheral vision has gone and all sounds seem to be distant as if there were cotton wool in your ears. Step. Step. Step. Step.

“Tom, this is just wonderful! I struggled over this essay for two hours, and you sorted it out in no time. Wait, don’t remove the solution yet, I’ll copy it…”

“Take your time, honey. I want my best girl to study well.”

Last week, for the first time in your life, you got a Troll in Transfiguration, which you used to love. You simply went to the pulpit and stood there with an absent look for two minutes. After class, professor McGonagall touches your elbow gently.

“Miss L/N, if you feel like you need to talk, I’m always ready to listen to you,” she says almost in a whisper. It's the warmest tone she can muster, but you already have someone always ready to listen.

“y/n sunshine my beloved dear y/n y/n y/n y/n i love you so please don’t go y/n y/n y/n if you have a heart you won’t leave me you're such a kind girl y/n you won't leave me here you'll help me you'll talk to me you'll love me you'll help me i believe y/n y/n y/n you're the best in the world if i find out that you told someone you’re dead dead dead dead dead dead you don’t know what i can do what i’m capable of you can’t escape me you’ll rot in azkaban forever if you tell anyone y/n don’t even think of that y/n you’re my sunshine you open the diary and i can breathe again i breathe you i live by you i will die without you don’t leave me help me i’m begging you i love you so i love you so”.

Choking with sobs, you look at the jumping lines. The pages are wet from your tears.

“What do you want me to do, Tom?”

It’s 3 a.m. You haven't slept for two days. How are you still able to write? How are you still able to think?

“The toilet is on the third floor. Write me when you get there.”

[reddetur]

RANDOM LESBIAN TICCIJACK HEADCANONS!!!

because I love lesbian ticcijack more than you no one can prove me wrong I think about them 24/7 they are literally my ocs atp I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY'RE MY HYPERFIXATION ahem anyways

grab some popcorn and take a seat because OH BOY we're in for a RIIIIDEE

Also disclaimer this is just appearances hcs and maybe a little bit of mental disorders hcs

ALSO!! my lesbian ass prefers an au where literally every single pasta is a woman (well it has some exceptions obviously cuz them being all female sounds a little sexist of me idk)

OKAY LET'S BEGIN!!!

Jane (jack's fem name) has long ass hair and sometimes wears them in dreads cuz she's poc 💪🏼💪🏼 BLACK OCS (except she's not my oc but let a man dream)!!!! SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!! She has BEAUTIFUL long lashes 💋💋 is a masc lesbian 👅👅👅😍😍 works out like any other masc lesbian. She wears like baggy shit but most of the time she wears her lab/dr coat cuz she gotta tend to all the hurt patients coming in all the time SKIBIDI!!! She has elf ears, devil horns and a tail and I HC her as like Zalgo's daughter, like princess of hell type shit (BLEEGHHH 🤮🤮) and she has a sister Lazari (you know her already) I hate Lazari's original design and literary everything about her so I changed her aha I CAN DO WHATEVA I WANT SHHH ❤️

Tory (Toby's fem name, full name is Toriel. Notice how both 'y' in toby and tory change when their full name is said. Example: Tor*y* Tor*i*el, Tob*y* Tob*i*as. It's a nice little detail heh) she's like pansexual and has short hair and the thing is I can't choose between wavy short hair or curls... What do you think??? Anyways I've hc-ed her to have like 2-3 personalities? One of them is actually just age regression so it doesn't really count as a personality, but she does have a different clothing style while she's regressing. Also I think you already know why I hc her to have age regression, she wants to make up for her non existent childhood and stuff. She has a personality which is the one she uses the most, it's like a "mask" yk? The thing is; whenever she puts on her goggles and mouth guard she turns into a whole different person, almost like fanon Tory or should I say Toby, ykwim? Her other personality is her true personality and it's lowkey like, depressed af, it's giving angsty teenager type shit. Also she has two clothing styles, one is like giving nana from nana and hachi, all pink and cutecore and shit (this is mostly because of her age regression, but I think she secretly likes it outside of agere) and the other one is grunge. she wears like jorts most of the time and baggy t-shirts

ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION she has ANOTHER style!! Hippie.. which is mostly self insert because I see myself in her so yeah

Most of this is like self insert but at the same time it kinda fits her, get my drift?? OH YEAH SHE'S PALE BTW! Their dynamic is like chocolate and vanilla tbh

Honestly if this is just half of it imagine it all together.. I should write a book

Guys erm.. this is so cringe.. 🙏🏼

Live footage of reddetur finding out free will (they end up making up fem!versions of two fictional characters from practically a dead fandom and can't find lesbian art of them anywhere except for bimbvx we love bimbvx for feeding me also I'm not tagging them because I'm too shy shahjashhajaha)

I wrote this while building my Fugue in hsr ❤️

Let me know if y'all want more of my hcs I'm dying to make ticcijack fan friends (asks open btw)

[moodymisty]

I think the reason why so many people simp for Konrad isn’t just because he’s tall and has sharp teeth and long dark hair (though that is a big part of it, don’t get me wrong). But also because he fits really well into the idea of a poor little meow meow.

He’s tragic (most of his tragedies are self inflicted too), he’s kind of pathetic, he’s committed atrocities, he’s creepy and frightening and a gremlin but sorta in an endearing way?? His entire lore is just him falling deeper and deeper into a pit of insanity and self made despair, he’s my beautiful princess with a disorder, e.t.c

So the idea of being in a relationship with someone like that definitely has the added idea of being one of the only good things that’s happened to him. This is a man who, if he ever were to fall in love, would be so obsessive, possessive, and desperate about it. He wouldn’t let you go, he’d keep you close at all times, he loves you so so much. This is the first time he ever felt love like that, don’t leave, don’t abandon him (words of a man who has unknowingly found out spending time with loved ones eases mental health issues)

Also on the topic of the original you asked, I love the idea of a yandere Horus (and I’m very intrigued by the idea of a yandere Rogal)

I know I joke about being terrified of all the Konrad simps, but him and his Night Lords are one of my favorite legions. It's just funny to beat that joke to death. And as an Angron simp I have literally no authority to judge.

And yeah he's absolutely that character you can have that sort of 'toxic but so tasty like junk food' romance with, where he becomes so obsessive over something that gives him just a modicum of good, even if his own issues destroy it in the end. He'll love you, obsess over you, kill anyone for you, but don't you dare pull away.

It would be a dying star type of romance for sure, it burns hot but ends in an inevitable cold darkness.

[blightdaddy]

15 and 17 for pasha, 31 for orin, annnddd 39 for linnarel 💖

HELL YEA TY!!

for refence: pasha, orin, and linnarel!

as usual, under the cut just in case! bc spoilers (definite spoilers this time)

15) Who else has a crush on Rook?

so, like, maybe i had this whole silly thing in my head where pasha had a messy on-and-off situationship with varric. messy in the sense that, like, they knew it would never actually work - their work would constantly pull them away and deep, deep down, pasha wants to settle. varric wasn't really the settling down type of dude. AND ALSO following world ending catastrophes for over a decade is exhausting and they don't wanna be pulled into it anymore! but when they had some down time and found each other, shit just made sense. he was one of their best friends!! and while pasha would never say they were in love with him, they did love him. they did some real mental gymnastics to just accept they'd never get what they wanted from him. and like... pulling them into the inquisition and then having them come with him to chase down solas AND THEN DYING was a very shitty thing to do!! also the way pasha kicks shit open and is ripped as hell, who wouldn't have a crush on them???? this was a long-winded one im sorry!!

17) Any companions they don’t get along with? How does Rook navigate this?

SO. LIKE. i am going to preface this with i am weak for good ol' enemies to lovers type shit. jessie, when i tell you i am WEAK for it... pasha is a lil gruff, rough around the edges. emmrich is gentle and kind in a way they just weren't used to. like yes, he's competent and powerful and very good at what he does but people suck and he's going to get himself killed. and WHAAAAAT the fuck do city mages know about roughin' it up??? they have different views on the world around them and they butt heads. but pasha quickly realizes they've underestimated him, choosing to see good in people doesn't mean pushover, it doesn't mean weakness. he can keep up with the rest of them and he's sharp as hell (with the tiniest bit of a bitchy streak if you press the right [wrong?] buttons). and pasha is not immune to the charm of a smooth talker. and ok maybe they like how proper and put together he looks all the time. maybe they also really like how he can and will roll up his sleeves and get a lil dirty. maybe they like the way he talks and the way he words things. maybe they look at him one day and they're like "oh no he's hot." he softens those rough edges and she likes that about him. hey listen, i sat here for like a minute in a voice call with some friends and i went "hmm who WOULD pasha dislike, they don't dislike anyb--OH MY GOD WAIT." you did this, this happened bc of you.

31) Which locations (Docktown, Arlathan etc) does Rook like to visit the most? And the least?

is harding's lil green house an acceptable location??? orin likes the shade of harding's hair and her optimism and her freckles the plants! least favorite place is treviso, he doesn't have fond memories. and while there are people there that he cares about, he thought he'd be gone for good after he left. dee's least favorite place is dock town bc my computer does not like it when i go there. between the rain and the architecture, my pc sounds like a jet engine during take off.

39) What’s it been like, living in the Lighthouse?

linnarel is decidedly not a people person and he's just hyper aware of everybody's presence. my beautiful princess with a disorder can put personal feelings aside when on a job but he's not very good with people. the others will be the first time in a very long time he's had to be around others for more than a few days and boy howdy do they test him. while he would warm up to them eventually, it takes a good while. ALSO FUCK THE FADE HE HATES IT HERE WHY IS THEIR HOUSE FLOATING WHY IS THAT GHOST THANG ROWING A BOAT THERE'S NO WATER THEY'RE IN THE AIR

[sketching-shark]

niuhou for ship opinions?

Aroace Sun Wukong truther though I am, in all honesty anon the niuhou ship is one of my favorites in the jttw fandom <3.

It's true that in Xiyouji itself we don't get a super in-depth amount of space dedicated to the details of their relationship when they were sworn brothers, but there is a real sense that they genuinely liked AND respected each other. And that's a feeling that's really increased when we see their reunion later on during the journey, when even with an absence of over 500 years and a lot of reasons for antagonism for the both of them (the Demon Bull King wants to eat Tang Sanzang & otherwise hinder Sun Wukong's journey, Sun Wukong played a major role in getting Red Boy captured by the Bodhisattva Guanyin & caused Princess Iron Fan a lot of physical pain), both spend quite a few pages dancing around whether they're going to attack the other because of their former strong bond until things irrevocably crumble. Wu Cheng'en even dedicates an entire poem to how tragic this break-up is (and how epic the resulting fight was lol).

But probably best of all for me is that this is one of those ships where both characters really get to shine through as their own individual people with rich stories. When you look at other ships involving the Monkey King (especially the tons of movies with a SWK romance) it tends to be the case where the romantic partner in question seems to revolve their entire life and personality around old Monkey in one way or another, usually with a heavy dose of "being eternally patient & forgiving no matter how much shit he gives them" and also ending with the fate of them dying so that he can be sad/having to Learn a Lesson. So yeah said "romantic partners" often feel more like hollow shells or desperate obsessives than full people.

Which to put it academically sucks major balls.

With Niuhou, however, that's not the case at all! Obviously a good chunk of Xiyouji is dedicated to Sun Wukong's character and his multitude of complexities and development, but even in the few chapters we see him the Demon Bull King really stands out as one of the yaoguai kings who had a very active life after the Mt. Huaguoshan war with heaven, doing everything from gathering wealth, allies, power, and friends to getting married and having a child that he very much loves to then having a falling out with Princess Iron Fan because he took on a concubine with Princess Jade Countenance. He's also described as being just as powerful as the Monkey King (while also being stockier), and his rage really is something that can shake the Heavens! It all makes for a very involved part of the journey, ranging from Sun Wukong and numerous gods having to go to battle against a colossal Niu Mowang to the Demon Bull King calling time-out on a preliminary fight because he wanted to go party with some of his dragon friends.

And as a final bonus this is also one of those rare ships involving the Monkey King where he's actually very obviously invested in maintaining it, from being his active and ambitious social self as a warlord to trying every which way to get what he needs from the Demon Bull King to continue the journey while still maintaining his bond with Niu Mowang. And while it does end in tragedy, you do have the delight of thee Monkey King approaching the situation like "PLEASE bestie my beautiful princess with a disorder PLEASE remember what we mean to each other!!!" And then the Demon Bull King being like "me remembering that is the only reason why I haven't killed you where you stand."

[billboard-hotties-tourney]

very happy that both my wife and my beautiful princess with a disorder made it through, although the fact that it was a fixed tie does make it a little less fun

Dying to know which one is which

[apricotmayonaise]

Dahlia Hawthorne + April May headcanons? (Ship or separate I don’t mind :3 )

(Sorry if this has been done before lol. Anon because I’m a coward)

anon i do not know who you are but i love you dearly and i am kissing your forehead so much right now. i will do all three

DAHLIA HEADCANONS: -born 14 february 1993 -pretty strong! like she literally swam through raging rivers without. dying. so -she loves books and reading and poetry (the poetry one is canon i think oops) -she has aspd (not in a "murderer character must me sociopath!11!" way but in a I Actually Read The DSM For Fun When I Was 9 And Also Know That Demonising Cluster B Disorders Is Bad) -her red hair isn't natural, she dyed it when she went into hiding as "melissa foster" -speaking of hair, her and iris did that braid crown hairstyle as children, until the bridge incident when iris "betrayed" dahlia and dahlia got so pissed she cut her hair to about the length you see in that one 3-4 cg -refuses to take help from anyone when shes sick but WILL use it to get out of things -did not actually help get iris seperated from her. that was a lie to make herself seem more in control -lesbian

APRIL HEADCANONS: -born april 30 1993 (duh) -passenger princess. do not trust this woman behind the wheel. -has three siblings. february march (33) june july (13) and august september (3) -i have an insane amount of backstory headcanon for her so please ask me about that my dms are always open -related to above, she was a child beauty queen/reality tv person (2-7) and teen model (13-20) -she LOVES romcoms. so much -natural hair color is a mousey brown. it got dyed pink when she was 2 due to . child beauty queen -has HORRIBLE nightmares. rip queen! -owns one of those fucking lipstick tazers. like despicable me 2. -also a lesbian! was in denial for most of her life ("well, men like ME so obviously i like them") before being like "wow im gay. but im still going to flirt with men because theyre more likely to give me their credit card info" -she has a cat :) -she has all the mental illnesses that i have because i am her and she is me. hpd, bpd, anorexia, ptsd shes me fr -related to the above, she doesnt take it seriously. "yeah i have ptsd, proficient talent for sucking dick" type shit DOLLYHEARTS HEADCANONS: -they meet when they're both about 13-14 years old -dahlia, or, "melissa" as april first knows her is in boarding school because shes in hiding as melissa foster -april, on the other hand, got sent to boarding school because her mom was not good at dealing with a daughter who belonged in either thirteen (2003) or euphoria. she generally acted WAY too grown for her age and was pretty self destructive. she was also a model for bluecorp and would pose for their billboards as well as other companies and magazines -the pair quickly become High School Girl Best Friends. hooray. -things get yurious up in that bitch -this continues for many many years until they r in college. theyre sort of in this weird in between situationship phase and are also Highly toxic and somewhat codependent. -neither of them are being normal about it -things get even more toxic yurious when doug gets thrown into the mix. this poor man . pls let him live -dahlia commits murder goes to jail yada yada they write letters to each other half of which are death threats that they cover in kisses and lipstick marks and hearts -and then april goes to jail -AND THEY WERE CELLMATES! -more toxic yuri happens -dahlia gets executed -april gets executed -ghost yuri

[riiwrites]

I love you platonically my pookie wookie dookie sookie rickey ashley poepyes with no biscuit sweetie darlingly kiddy silly goosey milly tilly juice box raspberries honey pie pop tart human heart jiggly juggle single taggle single pringle cakey takey tookie sookie bookie backie bsd skibidi tibidi pidi ptsd btsd ADHD princess with disorder molly anne girl in red melanie martinez portals crybaby k_12 strawberry shortcake orange juice babe sweetheart darl baby sweet tongue dreamy cramy scream creamy timmy little billy cowish dazai chuuya danganronpa omori sticking iut ur GYATTTTT biggy jiggle juicy muicy lovely tracy church immortality cheering dying studying silly adoringy bear :3

this is the best and most accurate nickname I’ve ever received. I LOVE YOU sakira /platonic

my sprinkle twinkle linkle pringle cringle bingle bongle dingle dangle bippity boo ba ha ha little cutie bootie patootie sootie lootie mootie cootie crumble pie piece of beauty and everything mixed in between to make a glorious morious spectacular perfect person like you 🫵🏻🥰

[maoist-mizer]

two-for-one deal baby

ID beneath the cut

[ID: There are two images. The first image is a page of drawings of Geto Suguru as a teenager from Jujutsu Kaisen. Geto in the first drawing is drawn from the shoulders up, he has light brown skin and shoulder length straight black hair with curtain bangs that frame his angular face. He has a prominent nose and think eyes and eyebrows. His expression is one of shock, and he has dark eyebags. Geto has a black bridge piercing, black snakebites, two black cuff earrings through the cartilage of his ear, and large black gauges. He is wearing a blue shirt. He has an arrow pointing to him saying “losing dog :(“, and another saying “got bridge piercing with Gojo. Snake-bites got pierced with Shoko”. Underneath this drawing it says “my beautiful princess with a disorder <3” and there’s a sticker of Rarity from My Little Pony.

To the left is a chibi drawing of Geto’s head. He has his hair pulled up in a bun, except some of his left bang hair falling in his face. He has a mischievous expression with his eyes closed. He has arrows pointing to him saying “public menace”, “secret gamer”, “jock”, “showed Gojo MomoTetsu”, and “always carries around hand sanitiser due to contamination OCD”.

Underneath this is another drawing of Geto. Similarly to the chibi drawing, he has his hair pulled up in a bun except for some of his bang escaping the bun and fluttering in the wind. He has a serious expression, pointing a finger forward mimicking a gun. Leaves are floating behind him carried by the wind.

Next to this drawing is writing stating “Geto Suguru: has a bajillion piercing. Bipolar II + OCD + dermatillomania”. Underneath this is a doodle of two black betta fish and an up-close doodle of hair falling into an eye.

The second image is a page of drawings of Nanami Kento from Jujutsu Kaisen. The first drawing is Nanami as a teen, he has an emotionless expression, he is drawn from the neck up and looks like a scene kid. He has blond hair parted to the side with a chunk falling in front of his right eye. The left side of his hair is held up by two pink hair clips. The fallen chunk of hair is designed like a raccoon hair extension, dyed alternating between pink and his natural blonde. Nanami has a long thin nose, lips, eyes, and eyebrows. He has dark brown eyes rimmed in dark eyeliner, freckles, a black septum piercing, three black studs in his ears, and black snakebites. He has an arrow pointing to him saying “wants to smooch Gerard Way a little”, “EMO NANAMI” and “16” to state that he is 16 and emo in the drawing.

The drawing next to him is of him at 27 years old, as written above the drawing. Nanami now have a 7:3 ratio haircut and doesn’t wear his piercings anymore; however, the holes left from the piercings are still apparent. He again has a flat expression on his face. He’s wearing a blue dress shirt, and silver goggles. He has arrows pointing to him stating “freckles!”, “piercing holes never closed”, and “this is his happy face (flat affect)”. There’s a tiny cherry sticker next to him.

Underneath this drawing is another drawing of Nanami as an adult. He’s dressed the same except he’s drawn in the action of taking his goggles off with his left hand, which reveals an expensive silver watch. Next to him is a Twilight Sparkle sticker from My Little Pony, and a doodle of the communist symbol of the sickle and hammer which is accompanied with the statement “communard Nanami”.

To the left it says “Nanami Kento: autistic (in the opposite direction of Gojo” and 21st century Schizoid (Personality Disorder) man”. Underneath this are some doodles of bread, a chibi drawing of Nanami’s head dubbed “Goober Nanami”, and some arrows pointed to the chibi drawing stating he “takes his lexapro with a triple shot espresso.” /end ID]

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Bios: Kirby Moore / Kirby Kingston

The Celtic Queen of Yonkers Kirby Kingston (As of September 1st 2021)

The former Gluttony turned Queen of New York, the larger than life Kirby is Eddie Kingston's wife, and the mother of his children. She's Eddie's so-called 'Better half' and the one woman he'd kill for, other than his own mother.

"I promised him my love, until the end of eternity itself."

Name

Full Legal Name: Kirby Raven Eirian Aoibheann Moore (Née Rhydderch)

First Name: Kirby

Meaning: From an English surname that was originally from a place name meaning 'Church Settlement' in Old Norse.

Pronunciation: KUR-bee

Origin: English

Middle Name(s): Raven, Eirian, Aoibheann

Meaning: Raven: From the name of the bird, ultimately from Old English 'Hræfn'. Eirian: Means 'Bright, Beautiful' in Welsh. Aoibheann: From Old Irish 'Oébfinn' or 'Aíbinn'. Derived from 'Oíb' meaning 'Beauty, Appearance, Form' and 'Finn' meaning 'Fair, White'

Pronunciation: RAY-ven, air-REE-ann, EVE-van

Origin: English. Welsh. Irish

Surname: Moore (Née Rhydderch)

Meaning: The surname Moore has 3 different possible meanings: 1- Originally indicated a person who lived on a moor, from Middle English 'mor' meaning 'open land, bog'. 2- Derived from the given name 'Maurus', which is a Latin name meaning 'North African, Moorish'. 3-Nickname for a person of dark complexion, from Old French 'more', Latin 'Maurus', meaning 'Moorish' (Rhydderch: From the given name 'Rhydderch', from the Old Welsh name 'Riderch', derived from 'Ri' 'King' and 'Derch' 'Exalted')

Pronunciation: MUWR (HRUDH-ehrkh)

Origin: English (Welsh)

Alias: Kirby Kingston. War Queen, The Queen of Hearts, The Celtic Queen, The Preserver of a Dying Breed. Dragon Princess

Reason: Ring Name. Monikers based on Eddie's own. C.R.C Title ('Dragon' style in C.R.C is equivalent to highflyers (e.g. Jeff Hardy), 'Dragon Princess' means Kirby is the daughter of 'Dragon King' Hywel Rhydderch)

Nicknames: Female Andre, Kid, my lady, supermodel, sweetheart, babygirl, baby, tywysoges [princess], banphrionsa [princess], my little princess, babe-alicious, my girl, princess, my queen, babe, Ma, my angel, Doll, Celtic Princess, Celtic Queen, Wifey, Celtic Warrior Queen, Angel of Death-Matches, baby mama, Mami, Kirb-zilla

Titles: Mrs

Characteristics

Age: 30

Gender: Female. She/Her Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: Irish/Welsh/American. Irish-Welsh-Scottish & Norwegian Mix. Born Dual Citizenship ROI-UK, gained US Citizenship via marriage

Ethnicity: White

Birth Date: January 13th 1991

Symbols: The colour orange, dragon scales, dragons

Sexuality: Ace-Flux

Religion: Wiccan (Raised Christian)

Native Language: Welsh

Spoken Languages: Welsh, Irish, Scots Gaelic, English, French, Spanish, Japanese

Relationship Status: Married

Astrological Sign: Capricorn

Theme Song: 'The Have Nots' - House of Pain (2006-2015), 'World Class Fuck Up' - New medicine (201502020) 'Mordred's Lullaby' - Heather Dale (2020-)

Voice Actor: Catherine Tate (Singing Voice: Aimee Mann)

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Tullahought, Kilkenny, Republic of Ireland

Current Location: On the road / Yonkers, New York, USA

Hometown: Llanfaethlu, Anglesey, Wales / Yonkers, New York, USA

Appearance

Height: 6'10" / 208 cm

Weight: 250 lbs / 113 kg

Eye Colour: Blue

Hair Colour: Blonde:

Hair Dye: None

Body Hair: N/A

Facial Hair: N/A

Tattoos: (As of Sep 2021) 38

Piercings: Double ear lobe (both sides), triple helix (right ear), double helix (left ear), conch (right ear), flat (right ear), tragus (left ear), navel piercing

Scars: Large thin scar on cheek, large thin scar above hairline (hidden), several smaller scars from death matches and other incidents, fights, etc.

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: Occasional Drinker, smokes weed / CBD cigarettes

Illnesses / Disorders: Acromegaly, Gigantism, High-Functioning Autism, Mild-to-Severe Social Anxiety

Mediations: Uses marijuana medically (see Trivia)

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Allies: The Rhydderch Family, Jon Moxley, Homicide (Nelson Erazo)

Enemies: The Lucifarians

Friends: Angelica St John, Ethan Page, Jon Moxley, Nelson Erazo (Homicide), Bryce Remsburg, Renee Paquette, Angel Ortiz, Santana, Jack Marciano

Colleagues: The AEW locker rooms / Too many to list

Rivals: John Silver, Rey Fénix, Luchasaurus, Kris Statlander

Closest Confidant: Edward Moore

Mentor: Hywel Rhydderch

Significant Other: Edward Moore (39, Husband)

Previous Partners: None

Parents: Hywel Rhydderch (59, Father), Oda Rhydderch (60, Mother, Née Gilchrist)

Parents-In-Law: Earl Moore (68, Father-in Law), Ruth Moore (Mother, Née Peña)

Siblings: None

Siblings-In-Law: Eric Moore (35, Eddie's Brother), Angélica Moore (32, Eric's Wife, Née Orellana)

Nieces & Nephews: Evan Moore (1, Nephew)

Children: Emyr Moore (New-Born, Son), Ethan Moore (New-Born, Son)

Children-In-Law: None

Grandkids: None

Great Grandkids: None

Wrestling

Billed From: Yonkers, New York

Trainer: The C.R.C Wrestling School

Managers: Damien Lucifarian, Eddie Kingston

Wrestlers Managed: 'Monster' Mike Mann, Ash Thunder, Sakurako, Eddie Kingston

Debut: 2006

Debut Match: Kirby Rhydderch VS Vi Lucifarian. Kirby won via pinfall.

Retired: January 2016-December 2016 (Due to medical reasons)

Retirement Match: Kirby Lucifarian VS Olwen Rhydderch. Kirby lost by DQ

Wrestling Style: Highflyer(C.R.C Style: Dragon)

Stables: N.P.R/Native Pride Regime (2006-2012), The Lucifarians (2012-2020), The Rhydderch Clan (*2006-2012* 2020-)

Teams: Former Teams Post, The Mad Royals (Eddie Kingston & Kirby Kingston)

Regular Moves: Double Leg Drop (To the Gut/Groin), Diving Leg Drop, Sitout Inverted Suplex Slam, Plancha, Mulekick, Feeding Frenzy (Wild Punches to the Gut), Organ Grinder (Dropkick), Hungry For Blood (Diving Clothesline), Consummation (Rope Aided Corner Dropkick), 666/Number Of The Beast (Tiger Feint Kick From Between The Middle And Lowest Ropes), Vampire's Bite (Sitout Jawbreaker), Butcher's Knife Chops (Open-Handed Chops)

Finishers: Dragon's Flight (High-Angle Senton Bomb), Glasgow Ripper (Inverted Facelock Neckbreaker), Eat Cake (Banzai Drop), Giantess Splash (Splash Into a Pin)

Refers To Fans As: The Fans, The Underdogs

Extras

Trivia:

Kirby makes her own ring gear, providing she has time.

Kirby always carries at least one lighter.

Kirby's drink of choice is a pint of Guinness.

Due to New York law, Kirby qualifies for a medical marijuana card due to being autistic.

Kirby often corrects people that her and Eddie are in fact 9 years apart in age, not 10 (They are exactly 9 years, 1 month and 1 day apart in age).

Kirby's name for the Banzai Drop (Eat Cake) is a reference to the line 'Let them eat cake' and that cake can be used as a slang term for butts.