#my baby bro made the cake and it is absolutely delicious

[gothyanki]

me putting a third slice of cinnamon cake in my face: the spice must flow

[soldrawss]

Um, hi! Every time you post a drawing or a short vignette, it inspires me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful work with the world and being so awesome! If you don’t mind me asking (sorry if this has been asked already) in your BBM au, what do birthdays look like in their household? I’d imagine money’s a bit tight, so would they have to rely on charities like Cake4Kids to receive cakes/desserts? Do they usually have themes? Do the younger sibs throw Mikey a surprise party? The people must know.

First of all, before I go off on BBM content, thank you so much! I’m so happy you like the stuff I put out!

Second,,,

Have you all ever heard of water cake? It’s basically cake made with no butter, milk, or eggs, and made right, can actually be pretty good. (I grew up fairly poor, and let me tell you, this cake was a lifesaver to my mom with 3 kids) So I’d never think that Mikey was so poor and strung thin budget-wise that he couldn’t afford the essentials like milk or eggs. But life happens. And sometimes you run out of groceries in the middle of a busy week and can’t get more till Friday when your check comes in, and you have a 6-year-old birthday boy who absolutely needs to have a birthday cake, because then he can have a birthday candle, and then make a birthday wish, and what kind of big brother would you be to deprive your sweet little baby bro of a birthday wish. 

Mikey’s a patisserie in training. It’s part of his civic duty to make all desserts from scratch or die trying. And BOY does he try hard. He usually tries to plan ahead for special events like birthdays, especially with the twins, because Mikey is nothing but not always ready to celebrate something. Dollar store decorations and water cake is where it’s at, and Leo and Donnie and Raph don’t mind a bit, because the cheap decorations are nothing compared to the company, and Mikey can make anything taste good, so really, it’s a good time. (Mikey has a secret money jar stashed away, it’s not a lot, but whenever he gets a few extra tips or had a couple extra coins in his pocket, he puts it in the jar. He has a savings account for emergencies, but this jar is for fun gifts. Gifts he can splurge on for his brothers, and get them at least 1 nice gift. They deserve whole mountains' worth of gifts and items, but Mikey can’t afford more than a small bump in the road. One day, he resolves, he’ll make enough money to get them everything they could ever want. But for right now, at least, this will have to do.)

Mikey loves surprises, and he gets one almost every year, because he’s really bad about remembering his own birthday. (He’s too busy with everything else going on, that he rarely spends any time thinking about himself) But it’s ok, because it works out great for Leo and Donnie and Raph! Leo is the only one who can somewhat cook a decent meal, so he’s on food duty, while Raph gets to decorate with crayon drawings attached to strings he tapes to the walls (as far as he can reach without standing on anything too high at least, because Donnie remembers the time he stacked at least two stools and a few books on top of the coffee table to reach something on the top of the bookshelf and broke his wrist coming down, and since then there has been a strict ‘feet on the ground Raphie’ rule implemented) and Donnie is in charge of the gift. And because Mikey gets a weird sort of nervous if they spend any money on his, most his gifts are usually hand made. Which is no problem, because Donnie thrives in the world of ‘making things himself’. So when Mikey comes home, tired and sluggish and leaning from side to side because he’s been on his feet all day and he just wants to sit, Raph comes in with a flying hug to Mikey’s middle that knocks the air out of him, but because of years of conditioning, doesn’t send him staggering, as Leo and Donnie shout “Happy birthday!” and lead Mikey to the couch, where he’s got some homemade cards, a lumpy gift wrapped in newspaper and some hotdog/mac and cheese casserole waiting for him. And Mikey’s tired, but he’s all smiles and laughter and love that burns through him and warms the entire room. And he kisses Raph on the crown of his head for all the beautiful decorations and colorful birthday cards, and hugs Leo for the absolutely delicious meal, and ruffles Donnie’s hair because “Oh wow, are these self-heating gloves? You made these??? Dee, these are perfect! My fingers are blue every time I go into work and I think my coworker LH is getting tired of me sticking them down his shirt for warmth when I clock in. Thank you so much! This is the best birthday ever!”

[sage-sunset]

sunflowers in the rainy winter  - akaashi bday special

this is an aged up, post-college au for my akaashi simps out there

warnings - not much, total fluff, a bit suggestive at the very end 

recommended - 14+

wc - 2.2k

______

“Happy birthday, baby!” He looks you up and down, rubbing his tired eyes. You’re standing there in that pastel blue puffer coat that he bought you a month ago, shaking from the cold with raindrops stuck to your eyelashes. It’s pouring outside, and you’re holding your umbrella in one hand and a box in the other.

“y/n… love… it’s 12:07. In the morning.”

“I know! I wanted to beat Bokuto this year, he probably won’t get here until two!” “...until?” “You must be tired. Let’s go to bed!” You set the umbrella in the bag and put it in the little stand he has before taking off your coat. You’re wearing fuzzy flannel pajamas, the set Bokuto got the three of you last year. You’re still shivering when you put the box into the fridge and then pull him into the bedroom.

Normally you like to hold him, but since you’re freezing like this, he wraps you into his arms and you flop onto the bed together to huddle under the blankets. Your feet are like ice cubes, and he kisses your forehead and smiles into your hair as you fall asleep in his arms. 

He may have been woken up at midnight, but you being here already makes it the best birthday ever.

_

He’s barely dozed off when the door bursts open, and the telltale “HEY HEY HEY” rings out. He rolls his eyes and sits up to see his best friend, standing there in his soaked glory. You’re somehow still asleep, hands clinging to his shirt.

Bokuto is covered in rain, his silvery hair plastered to his clammy forehead. It’s so cold outside Keiji is surprised it’s not snowing.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO-” “Bokuto-san, please keep it down. Y/N is still sleeping.” “My bad! HAHAHA-” “Loud.” “Sorry!” He whisper-yells, and Keiji rolls his eyes again. Why did he give this doofus a house key? “Anyways, if you’re this adamant about being here, you can crash on the couch like last year.” “Nah, I’m gonna go home. It’s cold as balls outside, and I want my blanket!” Just like that, he leaves. He spent a good 25 minutes walking over to Keiji’s house in the freezing cold rain at midnight, and he literally just yelled for thirty seconds and then left again.

What the fuck? He tries not to think about it, and goes back to letting you curl into him.

_

This time, he wakes up by himself. The curtain’s open, light filters through, and he sits up. You’re not there, but the smell of something delicious wafts through the apartment.

He rubs his eyes and checks the time, it’s only a bit past eight. He smiles when he walks into the kitchen to see you making something, obviously the source of the smell.

“Love, what’s this?” “Making waffles for my waffle!” He stares at you.

“That sounded much more romantic in my head.” His waffle is just the way he likes them; crispy but still soft and fluffy inside. He stares at it, a warm fuzzy feeling bubbling inside at the little message you’ve spelled out in syrup over the whipped cream; “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. Jesus, he needs to marry you soon.

“Do you want coffee or tea?” “Coffee, please.” He takes a bite once you’ve sat down. It’s perfect, and as he eats he stares at you. You’re perfect too. 

“So, I’m sure you’ve already booked my day full. What are the plans?” You giggle, and the sound makes him feel even warmer.

“I remembered last month that you said that that new gallery was opening up at the museum. And Tsukishima-kun told me that there’s a big shark exhibit opening at the aquarium. So I figured-” “We go to the gallery, get lunch at that cafe we love, and see the sharks?” “You read my mind! Do you want to do that? If not, we can plan something else-” He takes one of your hands in his, and gently presses a kiss to your knuckle, right on your little silver band.

“It sounds absolutely perfect.” He starts to gather up the dishes, but you swat him away.

“You’re the birthday boy, go get ready! Oh, and I forgot to mention, Kuroo-san said that he and a few others are coming over around seven. So we should try to get back by five or so.” He pecks your cheek as you wash the dishes, and you giggle again.

“That’s fine. Do you know how long they’ll be over?” “Not sure, but it won’t be too late, trust me. I’ll have plenty of time to see my birthday boy in his birthday suit…” He blushes, and you turn back to washing the plates. 

“Go take a shower. I’ll join you in a bit.”

_

The gallery is incredible. You seem to agree, staring into each painting with focus and intent. The good thing about you both being artsy is that you can enjoy this kind of thing together.

He holds your hand gently as you lead him to the centerpiece. It’s nothing short of breathtaking. A huge, sprawling field of sunflowers in the middle of summer. The sky is the purest blue you can imagine, and puffy clouds float in the sea of azure. There’s a pair of hot air balloons floating among the clouds, one decorated in oranges and one in purples. In the distance a little farmhouse sits on the hill. The painting is oil, and it’s huge, taller than him. 

“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it, Keiji?” He says nothing, staring into the flower field. He imagines for a second that it’s real, that you and him are standing in the ocean of sunflowers, under the summer sky.

That farmhouse could be yours. He can see it, a quiet life there with you two. He’d spend the day writing, you’d spend the day playing the piano and singing with that little fairy voice of yours. 

You’d take a picnic basket down into the field, lay down a little blanket and watch the sunset on the hill. Just the two of you, safe and calm and warm as the sun fades away.

“Keiji?” He’s startled out of his fantasy to see you looking at him, a smile playing at your lips.

“Did you hear me?” “Sorry, what did you say?” “I just said that you’ve been staring at that painting for the past fifteen minutes. I’m starting to get jealous,” you tease.

He smiles at that notion. The painting may be beautiful, but it fades in comparison to you. But then again, so does everything else.

“Let’s get lunch, love. We’ll have to hurry if we want to catch those sharks.” -

This cafe may well be his favorite place on earth. Simply put, it’s where you met. You worked there part time, and he’d stopped by every day after class to get his work done. Once he’d first seen you though, he began to focus on you, rather than his homework.

It took him a month to build up the balls to ask you out. You’d said yes, and your very first date was dinner and a planetarium show. Much more romantic than a movie, you’d said when he asked if it was lame.

And now here you were, about to eat lunch here after being together for two and a half years. There you are, ordering him a Hokkaido bubble tea and red bean toast, the two things you spent weeks writing down his order for. Before he’s even pulled out his wallet, you’ve paid, and he’s barely able to scold you for not letting him pay because you sit him down.

“That painting was really something else, huh?” He nods, gazing into your eyes.

“Don’t stare, you’re making me self-conscious.” “Shush, let me admire my beautiful girlfriend.” Since you’re in public, the most you can do without getting looks is hold hands, which you do even when the bubble teas and pastries are set down in front of you. His thumb gently strokes the band on your finger.

He doesn’t let go of your hand as you walk into the aquarium. He doesn’t let go as you walk past the giant tank, staring at the colorful fish and little crustaceans. He doesn’t let go when you ask the kind older woman to take a picture of you two in the shark’s mouth, and he most certainly doesn’t let go as you gently stroke the bamboo shark’s back in the touch tank.

Neither of you want to leave, but he knows that his friends will be coming over soon and you’ll want to have the cake and stuff ready. So before you leave, he buys you an adorable stuffed shark plush from the gift store.

Once you’re home, you decide to eat a little something so that you won’t be having only cake for dinner. He sets out some leftovers; the braised eggs from yesterday morning, the cucumber salad you made a few days ago to go with the katsu bowls, and he heats up some rice and leftover chicken.

While the love of your life sets out some food, you take the cake you brought over last night out of the fridge and place it out on the table. It’s simple, swirled with purple and blue with macarons on top. You also bought a 23 candle, a little golden one. 

It’s perfect.

You eat quickly, only having a little bit but enough to satisfy your stomach. Before you two know it, there’s a knock at the door.

The only person who’d knock, it’s Tsukishima. He may be a sarcastic little shit, but he’s tolerable compared to the other people coming over tonight.

“Good evening, y/n-san.” “Hey, Tsukki-kun. Come on it, it’s chilly outside.” In a little bit, Kuroo and Kenma show up. Then come Yukie and Kaori, Komi and Konoha, and of course the ace himself.

“HEY HEY HEY! HOW’S THE BIRTHDAY BOY DOIN’?!”

You smile at Yukie and Kaori, shaking your heads at the tall man who’s currently hugging your boyfriend so tightly you think he might burst.

“I’m doing well, Bokuto-san. Would you mind putting me down?” “Sure thing, birthday buddy! n/n been takin’ care of you today?” “I’m sure she has, in quite a few ways,” snickers Kuroo, and Bokuto guffaws as Kenma elbows the rooster-headed asshole.

“Don’t be crude.” scolds Kenma as he scrolls through his phone. You assume that Kuroo made him leave his switch at home.

Two hours into the evening and a bottle of champagne later and the cake is almost gone. Yukie and Bokuto are having an arm wrestling contest on the coffee table with Tsukki as the referee, Kaori is passed out on the couch, Komi and Konoha are giggling like second graders for no reason, and Kenma is crying into Kuroo’s shirt about his village and how he needs to get back to the island, that shit ain’t gonna build itself. Keiji is sitting beside you, his head buried in your shoulder.

“You tired, baby?” He nods, his hand gently rubbing your thigh.

“Okay, I’ll call a cab for these idiots. Sit tight.” You stand to go grab your phone, and before you know it the living room is clear of the eight stooges. Keiji walks up behind you, his face slightly flushed, and wraps his arms around you. You can tell he’s a bit tipsy, but he’s not falling over or anything.

“Baby, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed. I’ll clean up in here.” “I can help, love-” “No. I’ll only be a minute. The birthday boy still has one more gift to open.”

With that, you unlatch him from you and go to clean up the glasses and plates. It was nice to catch up with everybody, especially the girls. There were only ten of you, but it was nice to have company for the first time in a while.

You set the leftover cake into the fridge before going into the bathroom to brush your teeth, and you can feel a pair of eyes on you as you wash up and change into one of his shirts.

“Come here, love.”

“In a second.”

“You’re spending the night, right?”

“Of course, baby. I’m yours for the night.”

“You’re too good to me.” “You’re one to talk, prince charming.” He smiles and takes you into his arms. The kiss he pulls you into is just as dizzying and passionate as all of his kisses, but just a bit more fervent. He’s excited, and so are you. 

He pulls away to take your hand, his favorite place to press gentle kisses to. His lips brush over the little band for what feels like the millionth time today, and you remember the promise that the ring means. So does he, and he can’t wait to replace it with a diamond one.

He kisses you again, and you melt into it. He’s so gentle, impossibly so, but despite the gentleness he’s still trapping you there. But trapped against him as he presses a kiss to your forehead and holds your hand in his isn’t such a bad place to be.

“God, I love you so much,” he whispers into your hair. “Mm, how much?” “To the sunflower fields and back.”

(a/n - the “silver band” is supposed to be a promise ring. I’ve always thought that he’d be the kind of guy who would buy you a promise ring.)

[smokeybrandreviews]

Beskar and Bullsh*t

This season of Mando has been very interesting to me. As a show, it’s been pretty interesting. A slow burn building into something special toward the end. Maybe. We’ll see. I have faith in Favreau. I have faith in Filoni. Speaking of Filoni, this season is like a greatest hits from his clone heavey neck of the galaxy. I love the fact that Katee Sackhoff showed up as Bo-Katan. I’ve been a fan of Sackhoff’s since the long ago days when she rocked that gender-bent Starbuck on Galactica. Hearing her cast as the younger Kryze sister made perfect sense. Almost as perfect as Rosario Dawson for Ahsoka Tano. We haven’t seen this one yet but i am absolutely looking forward to it. Tano is my second favorite Star Wars character after  Vader and Dawson was the dream cast for her in live action so this is a legit event for the fandom. There is a lot to like about this season. I’m about to get kneed deep into the sh*t i don’t like though so buckle up.

The show, itself, is good. The sh*t happening around it? Not so much. This season of Mando is mired in controversy after controversy and they’re all stupid. Like, none of these things are a proper issue and i hate that they’re made out to be. That sh*t with Pedro Pascal wanting more face time? Bro, you’re playing a Mandalorian. They don’t take their helmets off. You never saw Boba Fett’s face and he’s the one your show is supposed to be about anyway. Oh, you’re upset Katee Sackhoff got to take her helmet off and get that delicious visage viewing and not you’re throwing a tantrum about it? Dude, you signed a contract. You knew exactly what you were doing going  into this thing. I get your feelings are hurt bu suck it up, buttercup. You got papers saying you’d wear that helmet. Do your f*cking job and quit b*tching about it. I hear that the compromise was just voice work which makes sense. Win-win for both parties i guess. Pedro getting that James Earl Jones treatment going forward seems fair.

Speaking of Katee, there is a bit of controversy about her Mandalorians and the breastplate that sits on top of them. F*cking Anita Sarkesian, of all people, decided to take umbrage with the fact that the female Mandos have “boob armor”. Aside from the fact that Sarkesian is an unscrupulous, opportunistic, grifter who shouldn’t be taken seriously about anything, and lost any semblance or relevancy or credibility years ago, the f*ck are you talking about? Women have tits. They have to be accounted for. Mashing them into a flat space like you’re constantly getting a mammogram because you don’t want to see women “sexualized” is stupid and would probably be excruciating. The real kicker about all of this is the fact that the “boob armor” in question ain’t even egregious in nature. There is a legit, defined, contour on the front of their armor. You can see it but it’s definitely not emphasized. There is room there so your breasts aren’t crushed against your body while you, you know, jet pack all around the f*cking galaxy, getting into firefights and fistfights. I can see if these things were, like, Beskar boob socks or somethings but they’re not. They literally have just enough room for the women wearing these armors, to be comfortable. How is this even a f*cking thing?

An even less issue that seems t have become the biggest controversy of the season so far, is The Child eating that frog lady’s eggs. Look, you can’t be mad at a kid sneaking their favorite food when the adults aren’t watching. I get that you people feel some kind of moral outrage at the assassination of The Child’s character or whatever but, for real, if you think this something they would never do, you haven’t been paying attention. Kid literally chased down a whole ass frog and ate it alive last season. Why the f*ck wouldn’t they pop a few of those tasty delights if left to their own devices? What two year old you know ain’t going to shove piece of cake into their mouth when you’re not looking Hell, they’ll do it while you’re looking! Why would The Child be any different? Especially considering they’re being raised by a f*cking Mandalorian! Like, this whole issue, their entire controversy, is because you people built an entire image of who The Child is in your own minds, and now you feel bad because it doesn’t jive with your own version. That sh*t is dumb. I get that’s the whole argument that Disney sequel apologist, especially those Last Jedi traitors, espouse but there’s a difference between actual in-character behavior that’s been well written and objective disdain fueling a targeted attempt to assassinate everything that came before. Baby Yoda might be a psychopath. IF that’s where Filoni and Favreau want to take it, it's their prerogative. They created the character. It lives in their mind. you people are only borrowing it, projecting your perception and biases all over it. Stop it. Sh*t never ends well. You’re just going to keep hurting your own feelings like that. Don’t be so dumb.

[sw124]

Gift for @ghostgirlvii-art

Lunch with friends

Sans checked the bag, everything was packed. Diapers, teething ring, bottles, change of clothes in case of a mess and lastly a starry blanket. Papyrus may give him grief about being lazy sometimes but when it came to his siblings he never joked around. He zipped the bag up and sat back down on the couch, Papyrus was still getting ready. He flopped his head back, already feeling sleep coming on...he would have succumbed to it if not for the tiny bundle crawling on to his lap.

Opening one eye socket, watching a tiny skeleton crawl over his legs, turning to try and push their way behind him. Chuckling as he sat forward letting them crawl behind him...well he thought they were going to crawl behind him instead they were now trying to climb on him now.

“Havin fun?” Sans chuckled, the infant cooed as their little hands gripped his shoulders...mostly his jacket.

“Awe why do I have to ‘shoulder the burden’ huh?”

Sans almost bursted out laughing when he heard Papyrus scream from upstairs, even though they weren’t in the same room Papyrus could tell when Sans told a pun.

“Sans I can hear you punning! Stop it now!” Papyrus stormed out of his room.

Choosing to wear a orange turtleneck sweater and black pressed jeans, Sans wasn’t too surprised. Sure he hadn’t worn those jeans in a while but since they were going to see Azul he wanted to look his best.

“C’mon bro I was just trying to get this monkey off my back.” Sans wince playfully when Papyrus let out a growl.

The puns and scolding only stopped when Lane started whining, gently tugging at Sans hoodie. He turned and pulled her back into his lap, he gave her a little peck on her forehead before standing up.

“Its ok Laney, we’re just playing.” Sans nuzzled her.

Papyrus sighed and grabbed the diaper bag, he reached and gently rubbed his sisters head. Giving a small giggle when she leaned into his touch, almost like a kitten would.

“Alright little sister lets get your coat on and we’ll be off!” Papyrus puffed his chest out and walked towards the coat rack, the only coat hanging up was a tiny little red one with flowers on it. Once her coat was on the three walked out and towards Azul’s home.

They didn’t have far to walk since she lived just up the way, despite that Lane was still squirming and fussing. As much as he tried Sans just couldn’t get her to calm down.

“Geez Lane you got a rash or something?”

Pap leaned forward to look at his sister, she was chewing on Sans hoodie. “I think she’s got a new tooth growing in, she’s chewing on your hood.”

“Gee thats great...” Sans groaned.

Before long they were at Azul’s house, they didn’t have to knock, the door flung open, Papyrus ready to embrace his love ....accept Lane was scooped up into Azul’s arms. Much to Pap’s disappointment.

“Laney! How you doing sweetie?!”

Pap couldn’t fault her, she had such a soft spot for children especially babies like his little sister. That and he got a nice big smooch on the mouth when she was done fawning over Lane.

“I’m glad you guys could come over, its nice having company over once in a while.” Azul smiled letting them inside.

“Thanks for inviting us.” Said Sans.

“Yes! Thank you very much, its also nice to get Lane out and about.” Said Papyrus setting the diaper bag by the couch.

“What you don’t let her out and play?” Azul teased. “Its not that, last time I took Lane with me to meet Undyne and....well lets just say things got a little...overwhelming for her.”

Papyrus winced recalling Lane’s first meeting with the captain of the royal guards, it wasn’t Undyne’s loud personality or anything that was a surprise...it was when they started sparing and Lane got scared...thinking Papyrus was going to get hurt.

“Oh yeah I heard about that, I’m surprised thats the only thing she got upset about...an speaking of which.” Azul looked at Lane who was squirming.

“She’s got a new tooth growing in so...” Sans trailed off a little, Azul smiled and without uttering a single word whisked Lane off into the kitchen, pulled open the fridge and pulled out a tiny jar.

“Whats that?” Pap asked.

“Its a teething salve my mom used when I was little, this’ll stop the irritation.” Taking a small amount on her finger she gingerly rubbed the salve on Lane’s budding teeth.

Almost instantly Lane stopped squirming and relaxed. Color the skeleton brothers impressed.

“I’ll make you guys a jar later, just rub it on any new tooth coming in at least once a day.” Azul smiled as she turned and started pulling out items from her cupboards. “Well now that problems taken care of its time we get down to cooking, we’re making stew.”

Pap didn’t have to hear anymore, already pulling out a large stock pot. Sans got out some spoons and started washing the veggies Azul had laid out, he got that done in less then a minute.

He noticed Azul was doing everything with one hand since she was still holding Lane, he reached to take her back...but Azul turned and with a devilish smirk replied...

“Nope, she’s mine now.”

Sans just stared...as Azul effortlessly chopped veggies with one hand with ease. All while holding Lane and from time to time pausing to give the little infant a playful raspberry on her cheek.

“Sans stop lazing about and help.” Pap scolded already getting the other ingredients out of the fridge.

Sans still couldn’t stop staring, still taken aback by the fact Azul was doing everything with one hand and suddenly being denied to take his sister back.

“Uh...you don’t find this strange?” Asked Sans, taking some ingredients from Papyrus.

“It’d be strange if you were actually being productive.” Replied Papyrus, Azul gave off a little ‘ooo’ for the solid burn.

“Want some ice for that burn Sansy?” Teased Azul.

Sans gave a tight, not so amused smile in her direction before getting back to the tasks at hand. The kitchen bustled with the three adults moving from one side of the room to the other, before long all the ingredients were in the large stock pot and was simmering on a low heat.

“Ok, we let this sit for at least half an hour then we can eat.” Azul smiled as she moved to the living room, the skeleton brothers followed.

Finally Azul relinquished Lane from her hold but only to play on the floor with some of the toys brought for her. Pap sat by Azul while Sans took the arm chair near the TV, the three started chatting about daily things. Occasionally pausing to watch Lane attempt to climb something such as Sans leg or even the couch the love birds were sitting on.

[thirty minutes later]

Sans gently pushed the highchair up to the table by him, Azul and Papyrus were setting the table and setting the bowls of soup out. Once done they sat down and started having lunch. Sans from time to time helped feed Lane.

The soup was delicious, a thick cheesy an milky broth loaded with vegetables. Azul loved this soup, it was just such a comfort dish full of nostalgia. Her mother would make this soup once in a while when Snowdin got colder at times or when she had a bad day at school.

A particular memory she loved was when she was little and invited Papyrus to her house for a birthday sleep over. The two of them sitting in their homemade pillow with stacks of their favorite books and bowls filled to the brim of this soup. They ate so much of it they were too full to eat any of the cake her mother had made, but that was ok they got to have the cake for breakfast the next day.

Papyrus happily spooned more of this delicious soup into his mouth, sure it wasn’t spaghetti but it was a major acception to his culinary rule. Azul tilted her head to watch Sans feed Lane, she smiled as Lane held on to Sans hand and was mimicking the motions.

“This is good.” Said Sans taking a moment to eat some of his soup.

“It’s delicious, absolutely delicious!” Pap exclaimed, simply enraptured in the taste.

Azul chuckled “I made plenty so take some home if you want, oh Sans careful there..”

Sans looked to see Lane about to stick her hand into her bowl but he was quick to catch her, not cause it would make a mess but because the soup was still very warm.

Lane whined at Sans but was pacified with another spoonful of soup.

“Good save there.” Azul chuckled as she ladled another helping of soup into her bowl.

“Yeah..heh she’s already finished two bowls aready and she still wants more, not just Azul but Lane too.” Sans smirked, Azul eyed him back before playfully throwing her napkin at him.

“Alright that was a decent comeback, but your right one thing Lanes got quite an appetite.” Said Azul.

“She’s a growing skeleton, she needs all the calcium and nutrients she needs to become as strong and as great as her older brother!” Papyrus again puffed out his chest, beaming with pride.

“Yeah with you two...I’m sure she’ll turn out perfect no matter what.”

The three adults shared a small chortle before returning to their food, everyone sitting together at one table, reminiscing, daydreaming and simply chatting about the past, present and future...all while enjoying a nice bowl...of warm soup.

End

[sapphicgarland]

Surprise!! - VLD Klance

A Voltron Birthday Special

The Voltron Team is setting up a surprise party for Lance’s birthday and decide that Keith has to be the one to stall him.

DA

Wattpad

fanfiction.net

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Lance woke up from his beauty sleep to a seemingly empty castle. He walked around, calling out for anybody. Hunk wasn’t cooking breakfast, but, thankfully, neither was Coran. Allura wasn’t even flying the ship. Pidge was nowhere to be found be found. Finally, he found Keith. He seemed like the only one on the entire ship other than him. This was his worst nightmare. “Keith! Do you know where everyone’s at?”

Keith got up from the couch quickly, “Not at all!”

“Well,” Lance sighed, turning around, “I’m going to go hang out with Blue-”

“You can’t!” Keith grabbed Lance’s arm, stopping him.

“And why not?”

“Because...uh-” Keith thought for a second, “Because they’re doing maintenance!

Lance gave Keith a look of complete mistrust, shaking his head, “Sure…”

“Uh-look, Hunk did make breakfast, He pointed to a delicious looking meal on the table over which Lance was almost drooling at the sight, “Good because I am starving!” Lance ate the meal quickly with Keith, who seemed to have waited until Lace was awake to eat his food.

“So, you’re not worried about where anyone is at?”

Keith shrugged, “Like I said...maintenance.”

“And they need everyone doing that? Well, why can’t I do maintenance on Blue?”

Keith shrugged again, “Uh…..I don’t know….”

Lance sighed, setting down his food with a frown. He sat back, staring up at the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?” Keith looked over at Lance, feeling the depressing aura from across the room.

Lance shook his head, “It’s my birthday. And right now, all I wish for is to be back home with my family...My mom would always make the most delicious cake for me. I wouldn’t ask for too many presents but I’d always get a mountain of them! My abuelos would sit me down and-” Lance had to choke back a tear, “-and go through photo albums of when I was a baby and when they were children. It was always the same stories and I guess I used to think it was the most boring thing, but now...now that’s all I want…” Lance wiped a tear from his eye, sniffling. Keith frowned, moving closer to Lance, “I’m sure we can make it back home soon, Lance...This isn’t going to be your last birthday.”

Lance shook his head, “They’re probably worried sick! They always take me away from the Garrison on my birthday and I’m not even going to be there!”

Keith hesitantly wrapped an arm around Lance’s shoulder. He didn’t want to spoil the moment but it seemed Lance didn’t mind this time, “Lance, listen, there’s nothing we can do right now...We wouldn’t even know how to get to Earth yet. What we’re doing here is far more important. We’re keeping your family alive. You’ll get to see them with stories of how we saved the entire universe.”

Lance chuckled, “You’re right. I can’t let myself wallow in homesick so much I actually care more about going home than saving the universe.” Keith nodded with a smile. Lance looked up at his so-called rival with a grin, “Maybe you’re not so bad after all, samurai.”

Keith blushed, turning away, “Maybe you’re not so bad yourself, sharpshooter.” Lance laughed, “If it weren’t for that stupid mullet of yours.”

“My hair is just fine!” Keith defended, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, for the 18th century,” They both had a laugh at that, the tension between them too relaxed to take anything too close to heart. For once their fights weren’t heated or covered in sexual tension, but rather in good fun and happiness. The two didn’t leave that couch, they didn’t feel the need to. They bantered about their times in the garrison, their times as paladins. They shared stories about their home life and how they saw Earth.

“You know, back when we were at the Garrison together, I thought you were a girl.”

Keith snorted, “What?”

“Yeah! And to be honest I nearly had a crush on you, but then I heard someone call you Keith and had the biggest crisis of my life.”

Keith blushed, laughing off the embarrassing side of his own story.

Lance chuckled, “Y’know...for a while I couldn’t shake off the crush? I think that’s how I found out I was bi…”

Keith stopped laughing immediately, staring at Lance, “You’re bi?”

Lance nodded, “Yeah…”

Keith nodded slowly, his blush coming back full power.

“What are you?” Lance turned to Keith with a smirk.

Keith looked down, shrugging, “Gay...I guess…”

Lance nodded. “I figured you were.”

Keith gave Lance a confused look, “How…?”

“Mostly intuition, I guess? But there are times when I’ve seen a girl throw herself at you and you don’t react at all.”

Keith nodded, about to say something before Lance continues.

“But the times when I happened to throw myself at you...There was a notable difference.”

“Wait-” Keith, turned to Lance, “What?”

Lance shrugged, acting as if what he said was nothing, “I mean I overcompensate but you don’t even try!”

“Lance, shut up for a tick,” Keith sighed, turned full circle to completely face the other on the couch, “Do you like me?”

Lance smiled, “Do you like me?”

“Lance, be serious for one tick of your life, please, and just answer the question.”

“Sí.”

Keith’s face went red as he turned back in his seat, desperate to look anywhere but him.

“Now answer my question,” Lance put a hand on Keith’s cheek, turning his head gently to look at him.

“Yeah…” Keith finally answered. Lance smiled at that, finally bringing the other paladin in for a kiss.

A sound from Keith’s helmet broke the moment. It was Allura’s voice, “Okay, Keith, the coast is clear now.”

Lance broke the kiss, staring quizzically at Keith, “Um what?”

Keith sighed, “Just follow me.”

Keith brought Lance down to the lions. Keith stopped at Blue, who opened her mouth wide for her paladin. The two stepped inside, Lance more confused than ever until seeing the entire team huddled together yelling “Surprise!”, a cake between them all held up by Hunk. Keith laughed softly at Lance’s confused, yet happy expression “They weren’t really doing maintenance.”

PROLOGUE:

The team enjoyed the cake Hunk made, Lance was especially grateful, of course.

“How did you find the Red Velvet?” Lance asked before taking a bite. The ingredients seemed so Earth-like, he was surprised he was even able to make it.

“Remember that store with all the Earth stuff? The one we got Kaltenecker and that game from?” Hunk answered around a full mouth, “I asked him where he gets all of it. Basically went on a scavenger hunt for it all.”

Lance laughed, “well, thanks for going through all the trouble. I really appreciate it but you didn’t have to.”

“Of course we did,” Pidge chimed in with a smile.

“We know how much you miss your family on Earth, Lance,” *Allura walked up, her face filled with genuine care. If anyone related to Lance it was her. Pidge’s family was somewhere out in space, reachable if lost. Keith didn’t really have a family and Hunk…well he never brought it up. Neither did Coran. But Allura, Allura understood the feeling of never being able to truly see them…even if it was less absolute when it came to Lance,“ *It’s important that you get to have as much of Home as you can, even if it’s just a taste of…Red Velvet.”

The others nodded in agreement. Lance looked over to Keith, catching the Red Paladin staring. Lance smiled at him, somehow it felt like Keith was the one behind it.

“You know it was your boyfriend’s idea,” Pidge teased, causing the two boys to blush.

“Wh-” Lance stuttered, not knowing how to come back from that. The rest of the team laughed, the couple looking away in embarrassment.

“We heard everything. Every word,” Hunk laughed, gently nudging his friend, “I told you so, bro, but you kept denying it.”

Allura smiled, “I’m happy for you two.”

“Yeah I bet you’re super relieved, princess,” Pidge snickered, “no more flirting for you, loverboy. It’s all Keith now.”

“Oh, will you guys shut it? We never even-” Keith spouted, before stopping himself. He wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. Again, he was very bad at just…human stuff in general.

Lance stared at him as if trying to finish the sentence in his head. He frowned, taking a breath before smiling again as he came up with his response, “I wouldn’t mind being tied down.”

“Ooh-oh!” Hunk exclaimed, grinning. He was obviously enjoying this.

“Smooth, Lance,” Pidge muttered. keith stared at him, almost as if trying to figure out what that meant. After a while he just flushed and looked away, “just eat your damn cake…we can talk about it later. In private.”

[smokeybrand]

Beskar and Bullsh*t

This season of Mando has been very interesting to me. As a show, it’s been pretty interesting. A slow burn building into something special toward the end. Maybe. We’ll see. I have faith in Favreau. I have faith in Filoni. Speaking of Filoni, this season is like a greatest hits from his clone heavey neck of the galaxy. I love the fact that Katee Sackhoff showed up as Bo-Katan. I’ve been a fan of Sackhoff’s since the long ago days when she rocked that gender-bent Starbuck on Galactica. Hearing her cast as the younger Kryze sister made perfect sense. Almost as perfect as Rosario Dawson for Ahsoka Tano. We haven’t seen this one yet but i am absolutely looking forward to it. Tano is my second favorite Star Wars character after  Vader and Dawson was the dream cast for her in live action so this is a legit event for the fandom. There is a lot to like about this season. I’m about to get kneed deep into the sh*t i don’t like though so buckle up.

The show, itself, is good. The sh*t happening around it? Not so much. This season of Mando is mired in controversy after controversy and they’re all stupid. Like, none of these things are a proper issue and i hate that they’re made out to be. That sh*t with Pedro Pascal wanting more face time? Bro, you’re playing a Mandalorian. They don’t take their helmets off. You never saw Boba Fett’s face and he’s the one your show is supposed to be about anyway. Oh, you’re upset Katee Sackhoff got to take her helmet off and get that delicious visage viewing and not you’re throwing a tantrum about it? Dude, you signed a contract. You knew exactly what you were doing going  into this thing. I get your feelings are hurt bu suck it up, buttercup. You got papers saying you’d wear that helmet. Do your f*cking job and quit b*tching about it. I hear that the compromise was just voice work which makes sense. Win-win for both parties i guess. Pedro getting that James Earl Jones treatment going forward seems fair.

Speaking of Katee, there is a bit of controversy about her Mandalorians and the breastplate that sits on top of them. F*cking Anita Sarkesian, of all people, decided to take umbrage with the fact that the female Mandos have “boob armor”. Aside from the fact that Sarkesian is an unscrupulous, opportunistic, grifter who shouldn’t be taken seriously about anything, and lost any semblance or relevancy or credibility years ago, the f*ck are you talking about? Women have tits. They have to be accounted for. Mashing them into a flat space like you’re constantly getting a mammogram because you don’t want to see women “sexualized” is stupid and would probably be excruciating. The real kicker about all of this is the fact that the “boob armor” in question ain’t even egregious in nature. There is a legit, defined, contour on the front of their armor. You can see it but it’s definitely not emphasized. There is room there so your breasts aren’t crushed against your body while you, you know, jet pack all around the f*cking galaxy, getting into firefights and fistfights. I can see if these things were, like, Beskar boob socks or somethings but they’re not. They literally have just enough room for the women wearing these armors, to be comfortable. How is this even a f*cking thing?

An even less issue that seems t have become the biggest controversy of the season so far, is The Child eating that frog lady’s eggs. Look, you can’t be mad at a kid sneaking their favorite food when the adults aren’t watching. I get that you people feel some kind of moral outrage at the assassination of The Child’s character or whatever but, for real, if you think this something they would never do, you haven’t been paying attention. Kid literally chased down a whole ass frog and ate it alive last season. Why the f*ck wouldn’t they pop a few of those tasty delights if left to their own devices? What two year old you know ain’t going to shove piece of cake into their mouth when you’re not looking Hell, they’ll do it while you’re looking! Why would The Child be any different? Especially considering they’re being raised by a f*cking Mandalorian! Like, this whole issue, their entire controversy, is because you people built an entire image of who The Child is in your own minds, and now you feel bad because it doesn’t jive with your own version. That sh*t is dumb. I get that’s the whole argument that Disney sequel apologist, especially those Last Jedi traitors, espouse but there’s a difference between actual in-character behavior that’s been well written and objective disdain fueling a targeted attempt to assassinate everything that came before. Baby Yoda might be a psychopath. IF that’s where Filoni and Favreau want to take it, it's their prerogative. They created the character. It lives in their mind. you people are only borrowing it, projecting your perception and biases all over it. Stop it. Sh*t never ends well. You’re just going to keep hurting your own feelings like that. Don’t be so dumb.

[wineanddinosaur]

We Asked 10 Brewers: What’s the Most Ridiculous Smoothie IPA You’ve Had?

Parallels are often drawn between craft beer and music. The saying goes that brewery sellouts are much like your favorite indie band signing to a mainstream record label. Of course, there are exceptions, and what stands out for some is heavy metal and IPA. From stoner metal to technical black metal, and from session IPA to black IPA, the parallel genres contain seemingly innumerable subgenres and innovations.

One of the more, uh, divisive subcategories of IPA is the much-critiqued smoothie IPA, a style that many beer drinkers (this author included) struggle to recognize as an IPA. With incredibly high grams per liter of fruit, and outrageous levels of lactose, it’s a substyle that resembles little of its parent style. Indeed, many of the brewers contacted for this piece simply said they’d so far successfully avoided drinking a smoothie iPA. Regardless, few can deny its popularity — and many agree it is delicious, if a little ridiculous.

So, what are the most ridiculous smoothie IPAs professional brewers are drinking? We asked brewers around the world to chime in on which sweet, dessert-like smoothie IPAs take the cake.

“North Brew Co. Golden Milk Turmeric and Apricot sour with coconut. I’ve taken turmeric every day for a long time for its numerous health benefits and was intrigued to see how such a strong flavor could work in a beer. The beer poured a vibrant orange with a pillowy-white head. On first sip, the immediate flavor was apricot and sweet clementine. The turmeric is there in spades but somehow not overpowering, and works well with the sorbet-sourness. The coconut was present somewhere in the background, although, probably not a bad thing as it would stick out like a sore thumb if too prominent. I wasn’t sure how the mix of ingredients would blend together, but they did, and it made for a super-refreshing fruity sour that contributed to my overall health and supple joints!” — Maddie Culling, Shift Lead Brewer, Northern Monk Brew Co., Leeds, U.K.

“We’ve brewed our fair share of milkshake IPAs (well, four to be exact, so maybe fair share is a stretch), but we’ve always strived to make sure that the liquid has a semblance to beer over a milkshake. The most ridiculous one I’ve ever sampled was from a brewery who poured next to us at a festival — a mixed berry/vanilla milkshake IPA that had literal chunks when poured into my glass. I had to use the bathroom sink to rinse out the glass thoroughly afterwards because them fruit particles like to cling!” — Libby Crider, Owner & General Manager, 2nd Shift Brewing, St Louis

“I have never knowingly drank a smoothie IPA, apart from one which was some kind of banana Daiquiri number from a Swedish brewery that will remain nameless. I love me a Piña Colada but this was more aroma of baby shite and a texture like liquified blancmange. Almost as bad as the Negroni Saison from one of my favorite London breweries [served] at Moeder Lambic, of all places, in 2014… Ho hum. Pass the Pils, please.” — Olly Plimsoll Bartlett, Sales Manager, Stockholm Brewing Co., Stockholm, Sweden

“At a previous job, we brewed a beer with a famous Swedish brewery known for their bold graphic design, and ever-bold flavor combinations. The beer was to be the main beer for the second Beavertown Extravaganza, and as such had to live up to the hype of the previous beer for the festival, Heavy Lord, a 15 percent bourbon-barrel- aged imperial stout brewed with 3 Floyds from Munster, Indiana. The brewery we decided to pair up with for the second year was none other than Omnipollo and the beer was Mango Milk Power Breakfast IIPA. I still remember the look of disgust and fear on our faces when we heard we were going to be using whey protein isolate (which Omnipollo specified should be the highest grade possible) in a beer. I was even more shocked when Cosmo, our lead brewer at the time, was allowed to spend almost a grand on a pointless adjunct that would probably have coagulated in the kettle anyway and provided very little flavor or texture, or muscle-bulking benefits. The beer itself was actually really difficult to build, and I say ‘build’ because it was less about brewing and more about the technicalities of putting these flavors of hops, mango, coconut, lactose, vanilla and… protein isolate together in a harmonious and tasty way. The event came around, and of course Omnipollo had set up the beer to be poured from their soft serve dispense at their stall… I saw one poured into a coconut shell, and so I tasted it and thought, ‘yeah, that’s pretty good for what it is.’ I was proud that we had made a balanced, well-made Mango, Coconut, Vanilla, Lactose, Protein Shake Smoothie Imperial IPA… Now, where is my Pilsner?” — Jonathan Hamilton, Brewer, Newbarns Brewery, Edinburgh, Scotland

“Trick question: all smoothie IPAs are equally ridiculous.” — Ehren Schmidt, Master Blender, Mikkeller Baghaven, Copenhagen, Denmark

“The most ridiculous smoothie/milkshake IPA I’ve ever had was probably a sour black double IPA hopped with Citra and El Dorado and had wheat, malted oats, lactose, mandarin orange purée, tangerine purée, dark chocolate, vanilla beans, pink sea salt, and orange peel. When I drank it, it was a bit of a sensory overload: so many different flavors going across my palate as I drank; it was interesting but I don’t think I would go so far as to call it enjoyable. I don’t purchase them, but a friend of mine loves the style, and she keeps giving me different examples to try. Personally, I don’t really like the style; for one thing I don’t really like overly sweet beer (or sweet wine, or any other sweet beverage generally) and this style of IPA is aggressively sweet. The other reason why I don’t like smoothie/milkshake IPA is that I feel that the style is just a gimmick designed to garner attention in a crowded marketplace. It all screams, ‘Look at me! I’m an IPA that tastes like s’mores!’ or, ‘Look at me! I’m an IPA that tastes like strawberry pancakes!’ or, “Look at me! I’m an IPA with as much lactose as a glass of milk!’ And yes, all three of these examples are real. At the end of the day, I think that the people that like this style enjoy it because they have an affinity towards sweet, sugary things.” — Mark Ryan, Head Brewer, Jersey Girl Brewing Company, Hackettstown, N.J.

“I’m going to have to say Definitive Vanilla Dome with Mango. It’s not ridiculous in its absurdity, but in the way the flavors work together. The vanilla accentuated the sweetness while the acidity of the mango kept it from being cloying. It is a well-put-together beer.” — Peter Heggeman, Brewmaster, Bath Brewing Company, Bath, Maine

“Tired Hands, a name on most ‘hype bois’ lists of breweries to try, make absolutely stonking beer and along with Omnipollo helped spearhead and fetishize the milkshake/smoothie IPA. Their double vanilla double IPA is probably one of the most intense (read: ridiculous) IPAs I’ve had and yeah, it was decadent, but it was also a huge miss for me. Their house [yeast] strain and hefty use of oats brings heaps of vanilla for me in their beers anyway, but the sheer eye-watering amount of vanilla in that IPA was too much when paired with Citra, Mosaic, lactose (f*ck lactose!) and rumored apple in the mash for pectin haze. The hop profile was great (when is Citra and Mosaic not) but when the screaming sweetness from the lactose and vanilla washes in it’s overpowering, and detracted from the balance of the beer. The beer is perfect for a bottle share where a whole can is too much but a quarter of a can is more than enough. This sort of innovation ‘for innovation’s sake’ means that you’ll always have to one-up yourself and your competition when the haze bros come calling.” — Jack Delaney, Assistant Head Brewer, Alefarm Brewing, Greve, Denmark

“The most ridiculous ‘smoothie IPA’ I have ever drank would probably be something from Decadent Ales out of Mamaroneck, N.Y. Their IPAs are not packaged with as much fruit purée as the popular sour smoothie beers, but they are still loaded with tons of sweet and tangy fruit flavor. The Orange Cream Pop IPA packs so much flavor and a thick mouthfeel into one can, it’s a great summer replacement for an actual Creamsicle. Tons of creamy sweetness up front from additions of sugars and vanilla beans, followed up with a surprising kick of orange that lingers on the tongue. Plus, it clocks in at a steady 6 percent ABV, so don’t be afraid to enjoy more than one. I’ve had quite a few ‘smoothie’ and ‘milkshake’ IPAs, but this one takes the cake for most well balanced while still being able to detect the hops. As for even more ridiculous, their Double Toasted Marshmallow IPA is basically a can of sugary-sweet alcohol. While it is fairly tasty, at 9.5 percent ABV, it’s a touch too sweet and boozy to enjoy much more than a few sips.” — Bri Burrows, Head Brewer, Big Rip Brewing Company, Kansas City, Mo.

“To quote a line from a beer bottle, ‘I didn’t choose hops, hops chose me.’ I love a good, crisp, dank West Coast IPA, one of my most favorite styles to brew. I’ve never been a fan of the hazy, fruity IPAs that have taken hold here in the states. Stone Brewing is one of my favorite breweries, so when a beer rep buddy of mine dropped off a 6-pack of Stone Neverending Haze at the brewery, I was surprised. But, being that Stone does some amazing beers, I gave it a try. This beer is oh-so hazy with flavors of citrus, pineapple, and strawberry. It comes in at 4 percent ABV and 35 IBUs. I have to say, I was impressed. In no way have I converted to a hazy, juicy IPA drinker but it is one of the best ones I’ve had.” — Joe Crockett, Brewmaster, Rockin’ JY Nano Craft Brewery, Ewa Beach, Hawaii

The article We Asked 10 Brewers: What’s the Most Ridiculous Smoothie IPA You’ve Had? appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/10-best-smoothie-ipas/

[johnboothus]

We Asked 10 Brewers: Whats the Most Ridiculous Smoothie IPA Youve Had?

Parallels are often drawn between craft beer and music. The saying goes that brewery sellouts are much like your favorite indie band signing to a mainstream record label. Of course, there are exceptions, and what stands out for some is heavy metal and IPA. From stoner metal to technical black metal, and from session IPA to black IPA, the parallel genres contain seemingly innumerable subgenres and innovations.

One of the more, uh, divisive subcategories of IPA is the much-critiqued smoothie IPA, a style that many beer drinkers (this author included) struggle to recognize as an IPA. With incredibly high grams per liter of fruit, and outrageous levels of lactose, it’s a substyle that resembles little of its parent style. Indeed, many of the brewers contacted for this piece simply said they’d so far successfully avoided drinking a smoothie iPA. Regardless, few can deny its popularity — and many agree it is delicious, if a little ridiculous.

So, what are the most ridiculous smoothie IPAs professional brewers are drinking? We asked brewers around the world to chime in on which sweet, dessert-like smoothie IPAs take the cake.

“North Brew Co. Golden Milk Turmeric and Apricot sour with coconut. I’ve taken turmeric every day for a long time for its numerous health benefits and was intrigued to see how such a strong flavor could work in a beer. The beer poured a vibrant orange with a pillowy-white head. On first sip, the immediate flavor was apricot and sweet clementine. The turmeric is there in spades but somehow not overpowering, and works well with the sorbet-sourness. The coconut was present somewhere in the background, although, probably not a bad thing as it would stick out like a sore thumb if too prominent. I wasn’t sure how the mix of ingredients would blend together, but they did, and it made for a super-refreshing fruity sour that contributed to my overall health and supple joints!” — Maddie Culling, Shift Lead Brewer, Northern Monk Brew Co., Leeds, U.K.

“We’ve brewed our fair share of milkshake IPAs (well, four to be exact, so maybe fair share is a stretch), but we’ve always strived to make sure that the liquid has a semblance to beer over a milkshake. The most ridiculous one I’ve ever sampled was from a brewery who poured next to us at a festival — a mixed berry/vanilla milkshake IPA that had literal chunks when poured into my glass. I had to use the bathroom sink to rinse out the glass thoroughly afterwards because them fruit particles like to cling!” — Libby Crider, Owner & General Manager, 2nd Shift Brewing, St Louis

“I have never knowingly drank a smoothie IPA, apart from one which was some kind of banana Daiquiri number from a Swedish brewery that will remain nameless. I love me a Piña Colada but this was more aroma of baby shite and a texture like liquified blancmange. Almost as bad as the Negroni Saison from one of my favorite London breweries [served] at Moeder Lambic, of all places, in 2014… Ho hum. Pass the Pils, please.” — Olly Plimsoll Bartlett, Sales Manager, Stockholm Brewing Co., Stockholm, Sweden

“At a previous job, we brewed a beer with a famous Swedish brewery known for their bold graphic design, and ever-bold flavor combinations. The beer was to be the main beer for the second Beavertown Extravaganza, and as such had to live up to the hype of the previous beer for the festival, Heavy Lord, a 15 percent bourbon-barrel- aged imperial stout brewed with 3 Floyds from Munster, Indiana. The brewery we decided to pair up with for the second year was none other than Omnipollo and the beer was Mango Milk Power Breakfast IIPA. I still remember the look of disgust and fear on our faces when we heard we were going to be using whey protein isolate (which Omnipollo specified should be the highest grade possible) in a beer. I was even more shocked when Cosmo, our lead brewer at the time, was allowed to spend almost a grand on a pointless adjunct that would probably have coagulated in the kettle anyway and provided very little flavor or texture, or muscle-bulking benefits. The beer itself was actually really difficult to build, and I say ‘build’ because it was less about brewing and more about the technicalities of putting these flavors of hops, mango, coconut, lactose, vanilla and… protein isolate together in a harmonious and tasty way. The event came around, and of course Omnipollo had set up the beer to be poured from their soft serve dispense at their stall… I saw one poured into a coconut shell, and so I tasted it and thought, ‘yeah, that’s pretty good for what it is.’ I was proud that we had made a balanced, well-made Mango, Coconut, Vanilla, Lactose, Protein Shake Smoothie Imperial IPA… Now, where is my Pilsner?” — Jonathan Hamilton, Brewer, Newbarns Brewery, Edinburgh, Scotland

“Trick question: all smoothie IPAs are equally ridiculous.” — Ehren Schmidt, Master Blender, Mikkeller Baghaven, Copenhagen, Denmark

“The most ridiculous smoothie/milkshake IPA I’ve ever had was probably a sour black double IPA hopped with Citra and El Dorado and had wheat, malted oats, lactose, mandarin orange purée, tangerine purée, dark chocolate, vanilla beans, pink sea salt, and orange peel. When I drank it, it was a bit of a sensory overload: so many different flavors going across my palate as I drank; it was interesting but I don’t think I would go so far as to call it enjoyable. I don’t purchase them, but a friend of mine loves the style, and she keeps giving me different examples to try. Personally, I don’t really like the style; for one thing I don’t really like overly sweet beer (or sweet wine, or any other sweet beverage generally) and this style of IPA is aggressively sweet. The other reason why I don’t like smoothie/milkshake IPA is that I feel that the style is just a gimmick designed to garner attention in a crowded marketplace. It all screams, ‘Look at me! I’m an IPA that tastes like s’mores!’ or, ‘Look at me! I’m an IPA that tastes like strawberry pancakes!’ or, “Look at me! I’m an IPA with as much lactose as a glass of milk!’ And yes, all three of these examples are real. At the end of the day, I think that the people that like this style enjoy it because they have an affinity towards sweet, sugary things.” — Mark Ryan, Head Brewer, Jersey Girl Brewing Company, Hackettstown, N.J.

“I’m going to have to say Definitive Vanilla Dome with Mango. It’s not ridiculous in its absurdity, but in the way the flavors work together. The vanilla accentuated the sweetness while the acidity of the mango kept it from being cloying. It is a well-put-together beer.” — Peter Heggeman, Brewmaster, Bath Brewing Company, Bath, Maine

“Tired Hands, a name on most ‘hype bois’ lists of breweries to try, make absolutely stonking beer and along with Omnipollo helped spearhead and fetishize the milkshake/smoothie IPA. Their double vanilla double IPA is probably one of the most intense (read: ridiculous) IPAs I’ve had and yeah, it was decadent, but it was also a huge miss for me. Their house [yeast] strain and hefty use of oats brings heaps of vanilla for me in their beers anyway, but the sheer eye-watering amount of vanilla in that IPA was too much when paired with Citra, Mosaic, lactose (f*ck lactose!) and rumored apple in the mash for pectin haze. The hop profile was great (when is Citra and Mosaic not) but when the screaming sweetness from the lactose and vanilla washes in it’s overpowering, and detracted from the balance of the beer. The beer is perfect for a bottle share where a whole can is too much but a quarter of a can is more than enough. This sort of innovation ‘for innovation’s sake’ means that you’ll always have to one-up yourself and your competition when the haze bros come calling.” — Jack Delaney, Assistant Head Brewer, Alefarm Brewing, Greve, Denmark

“The most ridiculous ‘smoothie IPA’ I have ever drank would probably be something from Decadent Ales out of Mamaroneck, N.Y. Their IPAs are not packaged with as much fruit purée as the popular sour smoothie beers, but they are still loaded with tons of sweet and tangy fruit flavor. The Orange Cream Pop IPA packs so much flavor and a thick mouthfeel into one can, it’s a great summer replacement for an actual Creamsicle. Tons of creamy sweetness up front from additions of sugars and vanilla beans, followed up with a surprising kick of orange that lingers on the tongue. Plus, it clocks in at a steady 6 percent ABV, so don’t be afraid to enjoy more than one. I’ve had quite a few ‘smoothie’ and ‘milkshake’ IPAs, but this one takes the cake for most well balanced while still being able to detect the hops. As for even more ridiculous, their Double Toasted Marshmallow IPA is basically a can of sugary-sweet alcohol. While it is fairly tasty, at 9.5 percent ABV, it’s a touch too sweet and boozy to enjoy much more than a few sips.” — Bri Burrows, Head Brewer, Big Rip Brewing Company, Kansas City, Mo.

“To quote a line from a beer bottle, ‘I didn’t choose hops, hops chose me.’ I love a good, crisp, dank West Coast IPA, one of my most favorite styles to brew. I’ve never been a fan of the hazy, fruity IPAs that have taken hold here in the states. Stone Brewing is one of my favorite breweries, so when a beer rep buddy of mine dropped off a 6-pack of Stone Neverending Haze at the brewery, I was surprised. But, being that Stone does some amazing beers, I gave it a try. This beer is oh-so hazy with flavors of citrus, pineapple, and strawberry. It comes in at 4 percent ABV and 35 IBUs. I have to say, I was impressed. In no way have I converted to a hazy, juicy IPA drinker but it is one of the best ones I’ve had.” — Joe Crockett, Brewmaster, Rockin’ JY Nano Craft Brewery, Ewa Beach, Hawaii

The article We Asked 10 Brewers: What’s the Most Ridiculous Smoothie IPA You’ve Had? appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/10-best-smoothie-ipas/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/we-asked-10-brewers-whats-the-most-ridiculous-smoothie-ipa-youve-had

[isaiahrippinus]

We Asked 10 Brewers: What’s the Most Ridiculous Smoothie IPA You’ve Had?

Parallels are often drawn between craft beer and music. The saying goes that brewery sellouts are much like your favorite indie band signing to a mainstream record label. Of course, there are exceptions, and what stands out for some is heavy metal and IPA. From stoner metal to technical black metal, and from session IPA to black IPA, the parallel genres contain seemingly innumerable subgenres and innovations.

One of the more, uh, divisive subcategories of IPA is the much-critiqued smoothie IPA, a style that many beer drinkers (this author included) struggle to recognize as an IPA. With incredibly high grams per liter of fruit, and outrageous levels of lactose, it’s a substyle that resembles little of its parent style. Indeed, many of the brewers contacted for this piece simply said they’d so far successfully avoided drinking a smoothie iPA. Regardless, few can deny its popularity — and many agree it is delicious, if a little ridiculous.

So, what are the most ridiculous smoothie IPAs professional brewers are drinking? We asked brewers around the world to chime in on which sweet, dessert-like smoothie IPAs take the cake.

“North Brew Co. Golden Milk Turmeric and Apricot sour with coconut. I’ve taken turmeric every day for a long time for its numerous health benefits and was intrigued to see how such a strong flavor could work in a beer. The beer poured a vibrant orange with a pillowy-white head. On first sip, the immediate flavor was apricot and sweet clementine. The turmeric is there in spades but somehow not overpowering, and works well with the sorbet-sourness. The coconut was present somewhere in the background, although, probably not a bad thing as it would stick out like a sore thumb if too prominent. I wasn’t sure how the mix of ingredients would blend together, but they did, and it made for a super-refreshing fruity sour that contributed to my overall health and supple joints!” — Maddie Culling, Shift Lead Brewer, Northern Monk Brew Co., Leeds, U.K.

“We’ve brewed our fair share of milkshake IPAs (well, four to be exact, so maybe fair share is a stretch), but we’ve always strived to make sure that the liquid has a semblance to beer over a milkshake. The most ridiculous one I’ve ever sampled was from a brewery who poured next to us at a festival — a mixed berry/vanilla milkshake IPA that had literal chunks when poured into my glass. I had to use the bathroom sink to rinse out the glass thoroughly afterwards because them fruit particles like to cling!” — Libby Crider, Owner & General Manager, 2nd Shift Brewing, St Louis

“I have never knowingly drank a smoothie IPA, apart from one which was some kind of banana Daiquiri number from a Swedish brewery that will remain nameless. I love me a Piña Colada but this was more aroma of baby shite and a texture like liquified blancmange. Almost as bad as the Negroni Saison from one of my favorite London breweries [served] at Moeder Lambic, of all places, in 2014… Ho hum. Pass the Pils, please.” — Olly Plimsoll Bartlett, Sales Manager, Stockholm Brewing Co., Stockholm, Sweden

“At a previous job, we brewed a beer with a famous Swedish brewery known for their bold graphic design, and ever-bold flavor combinations. The beer was to be the main beer for the second Beavertown Extravaganza, and as such had to live up to the hype of the previous beer for the festival, Heavy Lord, a 15 percent bourbon-barrel- aged imperial stout brewed with 3 Floyds from Munster, Indiana. The brewery we decided to pair up with for the second year was none other than Omnipollo and the beer was Mango Milk Power Breakfast IIPA. I still remember the look of disgust and fear on our faces when we heard we were going to be using whey protein isolate (which Omnipollo specified should be the highest grade possible) in a beer. I was even more shocked when Cosmo, our lead brewer at the time, was allowed to spend almost a grand on a pointless adjunct that would probably have coagulated in the kettle anyway and provided very little flavor or texture, or muscle-bulking benefits. The beer itself was actually really difficult to build, and I say ‘build’ because it was less about brewing and more about the technicalities of putting these flavors of hops, mango, coconut, lactose, vanilla and… protein isolate together in a harmonious and tasty way. The event came around, and of course Omnipollo had set up the beer to be poured from their soft serve dispense at their stall… I saw one poured into a coconut shell, and so I tasted it and thought, ‘yeah, that’s pretty good for what it is.’ I was proud that we had made a balanced, well-made Mango, Coconut, Vanilla, Lactose, Protein Shake Smoothie Imperial IPA… Now, where is my Pilsner?” — Jonathan Hamilton, Brewer, Newbarns Brewery, Edinburgh, Scotland

“Trick question: all smoothie IPAs are equally ridiculous.” — Ehren Schmidt, Master Blender, Mikkeller Baghaven, Copenhagen, Denmark

“The most ridiculous smoothie/milkshake IPA I’ve ever had was probably a sour black double IPA hopped with Citra and El Dorado and had wheat, malted oats, lactose, mandarin orange purée, tangerine purée, dark chocolate, vanilla beans, pink sea salt, and orange peel. When I drank it, it was a bit of a sensory overload: so many different flavors going across my palate as I drank; it was interesting but I don’t think I would go so far as to call it enjoyable. I don’t purchase them, but a friend of mine loves the style, and she keeps giving me different examples to try. Personally, I don’t really like the style; for one thing I don’t really like overly sweet beer (or sweet wine, or any other sweet beverage generally) and this style of IPA is aggressively sweet. The other reason why I don’t like smoothie/milkshake IPA is that I feel that the style is just a gimmick designed to garner attention in a crowded marketplace. It all screams, ‘Look at me! I’m an IPA that tastes like s’mores!’ or, ‘Look at me! I’m an IPA that tastes like strawberry pancakes!’ or, “Look at me! I’m an IPA with as much lactose as a glass of milk!’ And yes, all three of these examples are real. At the end of the day, I think that the people that like this style enjoy it because they have an affinity towards sweet, sugary things.” — Mark Ryan, Head Brewer, Jersey Girl Brewing Company, Hackettstown, N.J.

“I’m going to have to say Definitive Vanilla Dome with Mango. It’s not ridiculous in its absurdity, but in the way the flavors work together. The vanilla accentuated the sweetness while the acidity of the mango kept it from being cloying. It is a well-put-together beer.” — Peter Heggeman, Brewmaster, Bath Brewing Company, Bath, Maine

“Tired Hands, a name on most ‘hype bois’ lists of breweries to try, make absolutely stonking beer and along with Omnipollo helped spearhead and fetishize the milkshake/smoothie IPA. Their double vanilla double IPA is probably one of the most intense (read: ridiculous) IPAs I’ve had and yeah, it was decadent, but it was also a huge miss for me. Their house [yeast] strain and hefty use of oats brings heaps of vanilla for me in their beers anyway, but the sheer eye-watering amount of vanilla in that IPA was too much when paired with Citra, Mosaic, lactose (f*ck lactose!) and rumored apple in the mash for pectin haze. The hop profile was great (when is Citra and Mosaic not) but when the screaming sweetness from the lactose and vanilla washes in it’s overpowering, and detracted from the balance of the beer. The beer is perfect for a bottle share where a whole can is too much but a quarter of a can is more than enough. This sort of innovation ‘for innovation’s sake’ means that you’ll always have to one-up yourself and your competition when the haze bros come calling.” — Jack Delaney, Assistant Head Brewer, Alefarm Brewing, Greve, Denmark

“The most ridiculous ‘smoothie IPA’ I have ever drank would probably be something from Decadent Ales out of Mamaroneck, N.Y. Their IPAs are not packaged with as much fruit purée as the popular sour smoothie beers, but they are still loaded with tons of sweet and tangy fruit flavor. The Orange Cream Pop IPA packs so much flavor and a thick mouthfeel into one can, it’s a great summer replacement for an actual Creamsicle. Tons of creamy sweetness up front from additions of sugars and vanilla beans, followed up with a surprising kick of orange that lingers on the tongue. Plus, it clocks in at a steady 6 percent ABV, so don’t be afraid to enjoy more than one. I’ve had quite a few ‘smoothie’ and ‘milkshake’ IPAs, but this one takes the cake for most well balanced while still being able to detect the hops. As for even more ridiculous, their Double Toasted Marshmallow IPA is basically a can of sugary-sweet alcohol. While it is fairly tasty, at 9.5 percent ABV, it’s a touch too sweet and boozy to enjoy much more than a few sips.” — Bri Burrows, Head Brewer, Big Rip Brewing Company, Kansas City, Mo.

“To quote a line from a beer bottle, ‘I didn’t choose hops, hops chose me.’ I love a good, crisp, dank West Coast IPA, one of my most favorite styles to brew. I’ve never been a fan of the hazy, fruity IPAs that have taken hold here in the states. Stone Brewing is one of my favorite breweries, so when a beer rep buddy of mine dropped off a 6-pack of Stone Neverending Haze at the brewery, I was surprised. But, being that Stone does some amazing beers, I gave it a try. This beer is oh-so hazy with flavors of citrus, pineapple, and strawberry. It comes in at 4 percent ABV and 35 IBUs. I have to say, I was impressed. In no way have I converted to a hazy, juicy IPA drinker but it is one of the best ones I’ve had.” — Joe Crockett, Brewmaster, Rockin’ JY Nano Craft Brewery, Ewa Beach, Hawaii

The article We Asked 10 Brewers: What’s the Most Ridiculous Smoothie IPA You’ve Had? appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/10-best-smoothie-ipas/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/619822966170075136

[dexandderek]

Ransom week day 1

I KNOW I’M LATE BUT I HAD A REALLY SHIT DAY YESTERDAY SO I DIDN”T GET TO FINISH IT ON TIME

today’s theme was:

March 28 (Ransom’s Birthday): Celebration or “Remember that time…”

i chose to do celebration

here is how the team and Ransom spent his birthday

@ransomweek

The whole Haus was up and busy before sunrise. Since this year Ransom’s birthday fell on a Tuesday the team had decided to forego the celebratory kegster and just have a small get together, a fact they might have neglected to tell Ransom. Since his party was supposed to be a surprise the birthday-boy had to be kept away from the Haus until the afternoon and Holster was unanimously volunteered to be the person to do so.

Getting Ransom out of the Haus was the easiest part (“Best Bro Birthday Brunch, bro!”) but then the SMH had to coordinate decorating, preparation of snacks, and all of the classes the individual team members had during that day. The tadpoles were on decoration duty after lunch because they only had a morning class on Tuesday. Nursey was responsible for music because he and Ransom apparently had a pretty similar taste and music (and also because nobody wanted Holsters musical playlist or Nursey getting hurt in the process of decorating). Dex and Chowder were acting as sous chefs for Bitty. Lardo was in charge of picking up Jack, Shitty and a surprise from the train station and wrapping the presents since apparently none of the team members except Bitty and Dex knew how to tie a nice bow.

“I just hope everything works out,” Bitty sighed, “his last birthday at Samwell should be special.”

~~

“This is nice.”

Instead of good old Jerry’s Holster had taken him to a fancy breakfast place. He nearly felt bad for ordering something after he saw the prices but Holster said it was okay. Something about spoiling him senseless today.

“You should take me out more often.”

Holster smiled.

“Maybe I will. There's a bazillion places in Boston I can take you to.”

He took a bite out of his french toast.

“I'll take you out too. Can't have you pay everything for me.”

Holster reached across the table and took Ransom’s hand in his own.

“Listen Ransy-poo you're a broke college student that soon has to survive medical school. I basically have a job. And even if the Bruins decide to drop me I'll still have 3 companies that would hire me in a second. I have the money, now let me spend it on you.”

After he picked up the bill they decided to walk along the river before Ransom had to go to class. They sat down on a bench and Holster reached into his backpack and pulled out one of Bitty’s mini pies and put a candle in it.

“Happy Birthday bro.”

Ransom had tears in his eyes from the sentimental moment and the deliciousness of the pie. Holster always took care of him.

~~

The tadpoles swore in the living room and Tango walked into the kitchen soon after.

“We ripped the banner.”

Dex sighed and went to wash some flour of his hands.

“I'll go take care of it. Lardo has needles and thread in her room right?”

He quickly texted her if it was okay if he went into her room while walking up the stairs and nearly collided with Nursey who was on his way down.

“Careful there. Can't have you getting hurt before the next game.” Nursey chirped.

It was weird hearing that from Nursey but Dex just laughed.

“Thanks man.”

He continued walking up while Nursey went into the kitchen.

“I got a 10 hour playlist of Ransom’s favorite songs up on Spotify. I also hid all embarrassing old pictures Holster has of Ransom and i wrote speeches for everyone because I got bored.”

“Oh sweetheart you're an absolute godsend. If I wasn't elbow deep in cake batter I'd give you a hug.”

“Speaking of cake, how's it coming along?”

He turned around to see the wooden base Dex and Lardo had built. The bottom was painted to look like cake while the middle and top part would actually be cake.

“It's alright. It's different than just making a pie but no major setbacks yet. The first batch just needs to cool before we can cut and stack it. If you're free can you do me a favor and whip up some of the cream filling? Just pour it into the mixer and let it run until it's smooth.”

They had a lot of work to do.

~~

“Professor Miller made the class sing happy birthday for me.”

Ransom was leaning against his D-man on a bench in river quad.

“Because you're her favorite student bro.”

“Yeah maybe. Hey wanna head over to the Haus? Bitty probably has a stack of birthday pie in the kitchen.”

Holster sat up abruptly, forcing Ransom to sit as well.

“No!”

His best friend looked at him questioning so he followed up quickly.

“I wanted to take you out to get ice cream. Best friend Sunday.”

Ransom was thankful that he had a friend like Holster, who knew him so well and cared for him so deeply.

“Aw Holtzy.”

~~

“Everybody go get ready. Holster should be back with Ransom soon. Tango go put on another shirt, go take one out of my closet. Dex you go borrow one from Chowder. Go, go.”

Bitty was just putting the last finishing touches to the cake. The decorations were hung all over the house, the presents were all wrapped, and the table they had set up in the living room was decked.

He just finished putting the candles in the cake when he saw Ransom and Holster walking towards the Haus.

“Everybody get down here!”

~~

“Today was a great birthday Holtzy, thank you so much.”

Behind Ransom Holster could see Shitty in the window giving him a thumbs up.

“Aw bro. It's about to get even better.”

He leaned forward and half hugged Ransom half opened the door behind him. He didn't see the disappointed face Ransom made because of course his best friend wouldn't admit his feelings for him on his birthday. Before he could say something Holster turned him around.

“Surprise!”

The entire team was in the living room which was generously decorated. Bitty ushered him inside and he could see Jack and Shitty standing there with the team.

“You guys…”

Bitty quickly disappeared into the kitchen only to come out seconds later with a truly gargantuan cake. He had to strain to push it but ultimately managed to get it to the middle of the living room. He lit the candles on top of the cake and brought Ransom forward to blow them out. The team sang happy birthday to him and after he blew the candles out Bitty moved to take away the top layer of cake. He barely made it two steps before the top of the cake opened and HOLY SHIT IS THAT ALEXEI MASHKOV ?!?

Alexei “Tater” Mashkov, professional hockey player for the Providence Falconers, had popped out of his birthday cake in all his shirtless glory like a flapper girl at a 20s party.

“Surprise!”

He carefully stepped out of the cake in shorts that had Ransom concentrate real hard not to faint.

“You're Justin, yes? Ransom? Jack say you friend and that you like Tater. Say you have birthday so I say I come and surprise. Happy Birthday.”

He opened his arms and hugged Ransom who just clung to him like it's the only thing he wanted to do till the end of time.

“Okay, great surprise. Somebody give me shirt?”

The team just stared at him.

“Okay I stay like this. Am very attractive I know.”

The ate the cake and opened presents. Most of the boys had gotten him stuff for hockey, class, or for his and Holsters future apartment in Boston. Tater had gotten him a bunch of Falconers stuff with his signature. Ransom was so glad for his friends.

~~

They would throw a birthday kegster for him on the weekend but for now getting drunk with his friends meant a lot to him. Jack had automatically become his number one friend (except for Holster) a fact that he told Holster while the taller man was walking him up to the attic. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to drunkenly cling to your best friend/crush crying about how much you love another guy.

“His abs are so big.”

“I know Rans.”

“Like a solid eight-pack bro.”

“I know.”

“I want him to have my babies.”

“I know Justin.”

“I want you to have my babies too.”

“I kn… wait what?!”

“My babies Holtzy. I want you to have my adorable black jewish giant babies. Even if they end up half blind like you or anxious messes like me.”

He patted the blonde on his broad chest before turning away and ralphing in the hallway by Chowder’s door.

“Oops.”

“It's okay Ransy-poo,” Holster helped his friend stand straighter and pressed a kiss to his head, “let's get you into bed, okay? We'll talk about it tomorrow.”

It was a swasome birthday though.