#my aunt came over with her husband

[puzzlekinq]

cant sleep because im seething with anger

[belovedblabber]

not to ‘weird feelings about my cultural stuff’ post on main BUT I am full of feelings about being part Armenian tonight, it’s the part of my heritage I have the most connection with/the most interaction with but even then I feel a lot of disconnect and even guilt about calling myself Armenian 

[ontologicalparasite]

I go about my day and I try not to think about the fate of the women in my family

[entitled-fangirl]

Sweet nephew.

Gwayne Hightower x wife!reader; One-sided love from Aemond

Summary: Gwayne's wife is the epitome of everything Aemond was never given as a child- a sweet voice, a caring hand, and a comforting presence. He grows a love for her, and Gwayne's pissed.

A/n: This is unlike anything I've ever written and I have mixed emotions but oh well. It's the forced smile in the Gwayne gif for me

Masterlist

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"Hello, sweet nephew."

Aemond's attention immediately shifted to his aunt. 

Y/n stepped into the library, moving to Aemond's side. Her hand reached out and ran through his hair, "What are you reading?"

"Mere histories, dear aunt."

"You've always been well studied, my prince."

He leaned back to look at her. "Did mother send you?"

She let out a playful scoff, "Am I just a mere raven to you?"

"No," he quickly defended. 

"No," she smiled. "Your mother did not send me. I came to borrow a book."

He stood, "Allow me to help you."

"No need, Aemond. I can find it," she offered.

"Please, Lady Hightower. Let me do this."

She nodded, "That would be nice."

As he stood and walked around one of the many shelves. "Tell me about Old Town."

"It is without change. Your brother has been wonderful."

"And Gwayne?"

She smiled, "Gwayne has always been wonderful."

He didn't miss the light in her eyes, "And how long do you plan to stay?"

She shrugged lightly, "As long as my husband needs me here."

"The war could last years. Old Town will suffer without you two."

"He may send me home before then. My father-by-law, excuse me, your grandsire, should be there by now for Daeron."

Aemond reached up, grabbing one of the books for his aunt, handing it to her, "Hopefully so."

She took it, opening the cover to the first page, "This will do. Thank you, nephew."

"Of course."

She closed the book and held it in the crook of her arm, "I shall see you at supper then?"

Aemond hummed, "Yes."

She smiled and pushed herself to her tip-toes, kissing his forehead.

The prince watched her walk away, a curious look coming across his face.

…

"Ser Gwayne," a steady voice uttered over the courtyard.

Gwayne turned, seeing the Prince confidently moving towards him. "My prince. How many I be of assistance?"

Aemond walked up to his uncle, "I dare ask for a bit of your wisdom."

Gwayne's brow quirked up in surprise, "I see."

He watched as Aemond's eye moved to the other side of the courtyard, admiring Gwayne's wife.

There she sat on her knees, playing with her and Gwayne's young son.

A protective feeling came over the man and he was eager to get the attention away from her, "What was it you needed exactly, my prince?"

Aemond's eye slowly snapped back to Gwayne. "How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

The two men looked back to the woman.

Y/n let out a laugh as her son jumped into her arms, knocking her over. 

"You're happily married, dear uncle."

"I am."

Aemond shifted his weight to his other leg, "How?"

Gwayne's brows lifted as he considers the man's question, "My wife is a copy of the Mother. I have been truly blessed to have her at my side."

He noticed how his nephew's confusion never lifted, so he continued to speak. "I married for love, my prince. Not all men have that honor."

"No, they don't," Aemond said. "However, it was no disgrace for you to marry her."

"Never," he agreed. "She's from a noble house."

"She loves you greatly."

Gwayne nodded, "Indeed." He finally had enough, "You wish to marry for love, Prince Aemond? Is that it?"

Aemond hummed, "Something of that sort."

"Gwayne?" Her voice interrupted.

The two men turned to her as she approached them. 

Gwayne smiled and reached out to take his son in his arms, "What timing, dear wife. The prince was asking how I've gotten you all to myself." He leaned down at kissed her cheek before turning his attention to his son. "You've been good for your mother, yes?"

Their son giggled and shook his head.

Gwayne feigned shock. "No? Well, we cannot have that. Your mother is a saint." 

She held her arms out, "It's time for his studies."

Gwayne held his son close. "I'll take him myself. Perhaps you can keep the Prince company until I return, hmm?"

Her eyes flickered between the two men. "Oh. Of course. If… If that is alright with our nephew."

Both Hightowers stared at him.

Aemond tilted his head side to side before a smirk came across his face. "I believe that shall be just fine."

Gwayne reached his free hand out to his wife's chin, forcing her to look up at him. "I'll return in a matter of minutes, dear wife."

With that, he let go of her and began to walk his son into the Keep.

They watched him disappear and an awkward silence permeated the air.

"I imagine," she finally said, "that this war has been unkind to you thus far."

Aemond was a bit thrown off by her kind thought but he couldn't help the scoff under his breath, "They seem to blame me for its beginning."

Her brows came together, "Yes, I heard of what happened. I can't imagine the guilt you felt…" she paused. "Still feel, I assume."

Aemond's expression grew to confusion. "You don't seem angry."

She shrugged and looked up at him sweetly. "I know you, Aemond. You wouldn't do that. You didn't mean to."

That look in her eyes broke something in him. The tough swordsman felt an oncoming of tears pricking at his eye.

She was understanding a part of him that no one else had dared try to.

"Oh, Aemond," she cooed at the sight of his watery eye. She reached up and caressed his cheek. "Every great warrior must have emotion. That's all that differentiates them from animals. And you, Aemond Targaryen," she spoke with assurance, "Are no animal. Let your tears fall, for I hold no judgment of you."

When they indeed began to fall, she noticed the deep blush in his cheeks due to the embarrassment of crying in the courtyard. She looked around and tugged his hand, pulling him to a corner more hidden away from prying eyes.

Once there, he pulled her against him and weeped into her shoulder. It was a strange sight to see the tall stern prince weep against his small aunt.

But regardless, she held him steadfast, softly cooing and running her hands through his hair as you would a child.

He clawed at the fabric of her dress, and soon his weeping finally coming to a stop.

He sniffled at the two dared not move.

She was worried of what he would do next. Would he push her away and reclaim his harsh exterior or would he let it fade into the background?

His head lifted just barely and a tension rose. Their faces were now inches apart.

She was just now aware of the implications of their position and a worried expression crossed her face. 

She took a step back just as Aemond leaned further in to try to kiss her, resulting in the gap staying between them.

They both paused with surprised expressions. "Aemond, I'm not-"

"-Why?"

She hummed, a pattern that Aemond has picked up from her. "You're my nephew. I love you, yes, but not in that way."

His jaw set harshly. "Is that not what love is?"

"No. No, no, no. It's not always, Aemond. You're a wonderful nephew, but that is what you'll stay. I am beyond content with my husband."

His voice rose, "Then why do all of this? Why make me vulnerable? Does it make you feel powerful?" He scoffed.

Gwayne returned just then, with worse timing than ever. In all honestly, he had been standing in the courtyard for a while, witnessing with a cautious eye. He could read the silver-haired dragon rider better than most. 

But only when Aemond made a move on his wife, did Gwayne interfere, running across the yard with a fierce anger as red as his hair.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, "Dear nephew, you've kept her safe for me, I see." The smile on his face was very forced, but he was good at hiding it.

Aemond's eye looked between the two. "I did."

"Wonderful. Let us go, woman."

Gwayne practically drug her from the courtyard. 

Once through the doors, he hissed. "What happened out there?"

She was still dumbfounded by the entire situation. "I… I'm not sure. I didn't mean to, I promise you."

He rubbed his hands up and down her biceps as a sigh fell from his lips. "I know," he spoke softly. "I shouldn't be angry with you. I just… I can't stand seeing the way he was looking at you."

"The way he looked at me…?"

"It's the way I look at you. I don't want another man to ever look at you that way. I'm a jealous creature, my love."

"I am truly sorry, Gwayne. I'll fix this."

He shook his head, "You have no faults in this. Perhaps a talk with his uncle would help."

She shook her head and gripped his tunic. "No, no. That might anger him more."

Gwayne sighed again. "We'll handle it together. Yes?"

She nodded. "Yes. That's generous." She kissed his cheek. "Thank you, my love."

…

He tried to stay true to that promise until he saw his sister. 

"You must control your own son!" He sneered through his teeth as he slammed the door behind him. "I'm tired of the rest of us being trotted upon like shit in a barn!"

"Gwayne, please," Alicent sighed. He hated how calm she was, but that was always her demeanor. She held a hand to her forehead. "Whatever Aegon has done, I can fix. Just let-"

"Not that one." He wanted to tear his hair out in frustration but he knew his wife would scold him for doing so. She loved his hair so much.

A bit of relief flooded over Alicent. "Oh." That then turned to more panic, realizing that while Aegon's problems were often, foolish, and naive, Aemond's were few, calculated, and always had dire effects. 

"Your son has a love for my wife," Gwayne explained. "And I won't stand for it."

"What are you talking about?" Alicent asked in confusion.

"Aemond has taken advantage of my wife's kindness. He practically forced himself upon her in the courtyard after manipulating her into comforting him." He ran a hand through his hair. "It disgusts me."

"Gwayne, I'm sure this is a misunderstanding," she said with a forced smile. "Perhaps Y/n… led him on a bit."

His eyes almost came out of his head. For being a relatively calm man, he was growing angrier by the moment. "Do not say that again. My wife is a saint. You'll do well to remember that. If another move is made to her, you'll have no help in battle from this Hightower."

His words were final, a full threat she knew he'd hold to. Gwayne had a flair for dramatics, but threats and promises, no matter how outlandish, he stayed true to. 

"What would you have me do?" Alicent asked him. Having a queen ask for council from a knight was a rare sight.

"Just…" He cursed under his breath and placed his hands on his hips. "Maybe ask yourself why he'd do such a thing."

"What are you implying, Gwayne?"

"My wife would not raise our son to do such a thing to a woman. Makes me wonder what you've done all these years."

Gwayne was a fierce protector, often doing so for his sister. But this was his last straw, and everyone was on the metaphorical chopping block in his mind.

…

During Gwayne's talk with his dear sister, Y/n had crept up to Aemond's chambers in hopes of apologizing. 

She knocked thrice and heard nothing. 

Pushing the door firmly, she saw Aemond curled up on his bed, still in his riding gear and his hair messy against the furs.

"Nephew?"

He shot up, his eye wide in realization, though puffy from tears that no one was supposed to see. Immediately embarrassment flooded his entire soul. "Come to gloat?" His hoarse voice echoed through the room.

"Hardly. I feel awful."

"I thought you'd be like her. Better, even," he whispered, though she was sure it was meant to be kept to himself, "but you're not like her at all."

 "Who, sweet nephew?"

His eye widened once again, his entire body seemingly caving in on itself like a defense. He was running out of ways to shut her out. He said nothing.

"My mother was the most caring woman I knew," she began to explain in the silence. "She only wanted the best for her children, and she always had such a steady hand. It was so comforting." She picked at her nails, a habit she caught from one of the Hightowers. "I told myself I wanted to be just like her. Forgive me if my efforts to be comforting came across in a misleading fashion."

"Is that not what a wife does for her husband, though?" His vulnerable voice asked.

"Well, yes. But it's different," she explained. "I treat my husband and my son very differently."

"How?"

"Uh," she was unprepared to answer this question. "I'm responsible for teaching my son the right ways to live. To have him grow to be a great Hightower. But Gwayne is a man grown. I can't teach him things that he already knows. Nor should I have to."

"But you don't tell your son what to do," he pointed out.

"No," she said as if ridiculous. "He should get to explore the world and find things for himself. I only help him when he needs it."

"Mother has never done that."

Y/n's face paled. Suddenly everything was clicking into place.

"Aemond, your mother is surrounded by Targaryens with great dragons as a queen with no power. It's a scary thought for her. She doesn't know how to help you."

"But she does not try!" He exclaimed in frustration. 

She let out a breath. "Perhaps so. But she does love you. In her own strange way." She brushes over his cheek. "You are a strong man yet, Aemond. And you'll have a wife soon enough."

"Just not you," he manages through a teary eye.

"No," she gives a small smile. "Not me."

He takes her hand from his cheek, giving a kiss to her knuckles. He took his time, truly savoring the soft skin of his dearest aunt. "May you and my uncle live full lives, by the will of the Seven."

…

She moved from the room, shutting the door behind her. She stepped down the corridor, almost running into her husband.

Gwayne grabbed her waist. "I've decided to speak to the prince."

Her hands rested on his chest. "There's no need. It has been handled."

"Handled?" He questioned. "How so?"

She shrugged lightly. "He... apologized."

Gwayne's brow furrowed. "Did he? That's… kind."

"Like a true gentleman," she added. No one really needed to know of his tears. "Where's our boy?" 

"Should be done with his studies soon. We still have time though."

"Time for what?"

He tipped her head up to look at him. "I fear I don't admire my wife as much as I should."

"You know you do."

"No," he bent down and kissed her. "If I worshipped you every day, it still would not be enough. You're sought after by many in the Realm, it seems." He brushed her hair behind her ear. "But me, most of all."

"And you have me."

"Aye. That I do."

……………………………………………

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

for some reason my brother’s pissed off with ME and its pissing me off

[no-144444]

The Holidate (2020) - Lando Norris

‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡

‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡

summary: Y/n, who gets mocked for being single, finds the perfect solution when she meets Lando, an F1 driver. Now she has the perfect date for her holidays, but her heart starts yearning for something more.

pairing: lando norris x fem! reader

8.8k words

disclaimer: i do not own anything in these films, the only original character is the character y/n.

‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡

You stood outside your perfect family home, a cigarette in hand. “Fucking holidays,” you sighed. Quickly grabbing some tic tacs from your bag and putting out your cigarette. You covered your tracks and stood in front of the door, willing yourself not to run away. The house was the image of suburbia and the nuclear family bullshit you were used to, the shit you grew up with and believed until you realised that men weren’t shit and you had to go focus on a career if you wanted to live in Chicago. 

“Happy holidays,” you faked a smile as you opened the door, your mother running up to you with a disappointed look. 

“This is what you’re wearing to Christmas dinner? Don’t you own a dress?” you scolded, and you rolled your eyes. 

“I’m great. Thanks for asking mom,” you sighed, following her into the house while taking off your coat. 

“Y/n!” your sister, Abby, cheered. “You’re here!” She pulled you away from your mother, who was busy complaining about something or other, and brought you close. “Mike said you didn’t call him back.”

“Yeah, I didn’t,” you shrugged. She gave you a stern look. “What? I can’t date a professional clown! I’d never sleep again.”

“Well, you need to date someone! It’s been months,” she complained. 

“Well, no one wants to date someone who lays around in their pyjamas all day,” your mother added. 

“It’s called being a remote worker, mom, and, it’s not like my boss cares,” you scoffed. 

“Are you smoking?” she asked, sniffing you feverishly.

“No mom, I’m not smoking,” you answered, your tone dry and robotic. You gently pushed her off.

“Because no man wants to marry a smoker,” she barked. 

“Good thing I’m not smoking anymore,” you lied. 

“No one wants to marry a smoker,” she instilled. 

“But you-”

“A smoker who lies,” she added, knowing how you’d caught her out. 

As the night went on, in came your brother and his girlfriend, your aunt (with a random guy she’d met the day before), and your brother-in-law with his gaggle of hell-spawn children. 

You watched as the festivities played on, your aunt all over her new man, you sister battling with the drink in her hand while her husband battled their children from shitting in the manger again, and you brother being over-attentive to his girlfriend. Sometimes you pity them. They have to take care of someone all the time, they always have someone there for them, someone to come home to every night, someone to wake up beside every day, it must be exhausting. 

You stood beside your aunt in the kitchen, escaping the happy couples and watching as her new boy gobbled at the food. 

“Isn’t he great?” she giggled. 

You grimaced. “Yeah.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like I’m planning on marrying him, he’s just my holidate,” she brushed off your concern. 

“A ‘holidate’?” you questioned. 

“Yeah, a holidate, y’know a date solely for the holiday,” she explained it like it was the most normal and regular thing in the world. “No commitment.”

“Y/n, I have a friend who wants to meet you!” your brother, James, called from the other room. You rolled your eyes. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

As you sat at the (kids) dinner table, you were busy getting relationship advice from your 8 year old niece. That had to be a new low. She had a boyfriend, and you didn’t. Could your life get more pathetic?

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

You all sat around in the living room, opening presents. Your sister got you pyjamas, two sizes too big. Your brother got you pyjamas, three sizes too big, and your parents got you, you guessed it!- pyjamas. At least those were the actual size. You faked as much enthusiasm as you could, and just smiled and nodded. How much worse could this Christmas get? 

As you all finished up opening gifts, your brother stood up, taking Liz’s hand. 

“Liz, I know it’s only been 3 months, and 6 incredible days, but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Will you marry me?” he asked, his voice full of excitement. 

“Yes!’ she cheered. “Yes, I’ll marry you!” 

Your heart dropped. Your little brother was getting married before you. You were finally cemented as the pathetic sibling, forever. 

Worst. Christmas. Ever. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

Little did you know, that just a few blocks away, someone else was going through a harrowing Christmas date experience…

Lando walked up beside Mandy, a girl he’d just-so-happened to have met in a random club over the break. He hadn’t planned to come to Chicago, but he just-so-happened to have ended up there, on the basis of Quadrant meetings and deal negotiations being held there. He had gone on two dates with Mandy so far, one of them being the time they met in the club. He had no idea why he hadn’t just flown home to go see his family and siblings, maybe even see Mila and babysit for a while. 

“Your parents know this is our third date, right?” he asked as they stood on the front porch. 

“Of course they do!” she smiled brightly. “I’m not even sure I told them you were coming-”

His heart dropped as the door opened, and they immediately turned to him. 

“Lando!” her mother cheered. “He’s even more handsome than in the pictures!”

“Pictures?” he mumbled, his face dropping. Obviously, he knew people were going to know who he was, he was an F1 driver for fuck’s sake. But something about the way she said pictures made his stomach drop, and he wasn’t sure if she meant pictures that Mandy had taken of him (he never posed for any), or the ones online. Something told him it was the first option, and he felt sick. 

Then ensued a night of pure agony, he was buried in baby photos, old trophies, and a look into this random girls’ life. As he stood in her childhood bedroom, he truthfully asked himself. “Fuck am I?” and groaned when he was called down to dinner. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

After dinner, he went back up to Maisie’s room- or was her name Mandy? Anyways, to talk about the awful night. 

“What is going on?” he questioned, whisper-shouting.

“My parents fucking love you,” she smirked, pressing her lips to his. 

“What the fuck?” he asked again as she pushed him down on the bed, stripping herself. 

“Come on, y’know you like me,” she smirked, a sultry look in her eye. “You wouldn’t be here on a major holiday if you didn’t.”

“I already explained that I’m here for business purposes and-” 

She started kissing him, and he stopped caring about the strangeness of the situation when she started unzipping his trousers. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

He sat sandwiched between her parents, matching ugly Christmas sweater on, opening a box full of… swimming trunks?

“Swimming togs… thanks,” he faked as much enthusiasm as he could as they all nodded. 

“They’re skin-tight too, since it makes you go faster in the water,” Mandy explained, a bright smile on her face. 

“Togs, and a project, thanks,” he smiled, trying his best to charm his way out of it all. 

She held out her hands, expecting a present from him and his heart stopped. 

“Me next!” she cheered. 

“You said we weren’t doing presents this year,” he said, feeling the eyes of her parents on him. 

“Pardon?” she questioned, her eyes dangerous. “So you know me well enough to cum in my mouth,”

He looked at her parents and shook his head as she continued. “But not well enough to get me a Christmas gift? Are you shitting me?”

“W-what-” he stuttered before getting up. “Y’know what,” he turned to her parents. “Thank you for the lovely dinner, happy Christmas,” he turned to her. “Maisie, don’t call me again!”

“Mandy,” she corrected, tears in her eyes. “It’s Mandy you asshole.”

“Great, Mandy, then,” he scoffed before starting to walk to the door, then he remembered the ugly christmas sweater he was wearing, and off it came. He threw it to Mandy, and walked out the door.  

Worst. Christmas. Ever. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

You stand behind some British guy (who you swear you know from somewhere) in the sluggish queue of a random men's department store. 

Said British guy is busy fighting with the sales clerk to take his strange swimming togs back, and you’ve had enough of it. 

“Hey, Cockney, we’ve all been waiting for ages, some of us have jobs,” you scoffed. 

“I’m actually from Bristol,” he rolled his eyes. “And what makes you think I don’t have a job.”

“You’re in the mall on a Wednesday,” quickly, you brought the two pairs of pyjamas that don’t fit you to the front. “I’d like to return these.”

“Hey!” he scoffed. 

“Hey,” you smiled in return.

“I can only offer store credit,” the clerk smiled apologetically, and you sighed. 

“Seriously?” 

“Ha,” The Brit laughed. “That’s what you get.” 

“And sir, I can only offer you store credit as well.” 

“Ha!” you laughed. “That’s what you get.”

“I’ll give you 45 bucks for it all,” the girl behind you in line smiled at the both of you. “And this voucher for the pretzel stand.”

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

You walked around the mall with the Brit, enjoying your pretzel. 

“So, how was your holiday season?” you asked, making polite conversation. 

“I spent my Christmas in an ugly Christmas sweater, a strange dinner, and being with people who I think might’ve been in a cult,” he nodded. 

“Well, I'll take your ugly sweater, and raise you a seat at the kids table, my little brother getting engaged, and my mother constantly asking me to date one of her many friends' sons,” you listed. “You sure you don’t want any?” you offered him some pretzel.

“Do you know what that does to your body?” he asked. 

“Oh,” you grimaced. “You’re one of those guys.” 

“What does that mean?” he scoffed. 

“It means you’re the kind of guy to take a billion vitamins a day and talks about your micros and macros,” you laughed. Then you caught sight of the guy your aunt brought to Christmas dinner. “Shit,” you cursed, hiding behind the Brit. 

“What?” he laughed. 

“You see the mall Santa over there?” you asked. He nodded. “That’s the guy my aunt brought home for Christmas dinner, hide me,” you begged, and he walked on with you behind him, hiding you. 

“Who is he anyway?” he asked. 

“Oh, it wasn’t serious,” you chuckled. “He was her Holidate.”

“Holidate?” he questioned. 

“It’s just a person you pick up to spend Christmas with,” you shrugged. “It’s dumb, I know.”

A light bulb went off in his head. “Just Christmas, or all holidays?”

“All of ‘em,” you nodded. “I mean, I guess it’s pretty genius when you actually think about it.”

“That’s exactly what I need for New Year’s, a Holidate!”

You chuckled. “Sorry, pretty sure my aunt is already booked up-”

“No, I’m serious, I am done casually dating on the holidays! I don’t want to do it anymore, it’s exhausting. I always end up being an asshole in some sort of way or-”

“Really? Try being the only single person left in your family, at the age of 24. My little brother, who's 21, by the way, is getting married,” you scoffed. “I mean every time I see them it is a fucking palaver of sad glances and exhausting small talk about one of their ‘friends’. Why is everyone so suspicious of a happy, single woman?” 

“Because it’s obvious you’re not happy,” he said like it was obvious. “Was that a trick question?”

You sighed. “I am happy, thank you very much.”

He chuckled. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Look, humans are meant to be with other people on the holidays, it’s just a fact! We all need warmth… companionship,” he could sense the fact that he was losing you. “And someone to drunk-mock people at parties with!”

“I do enjoy drunk-mocking people,” you pondered. 

“Perfect! We can be each other’s Holidate for New Year’s!” 

You chuckled, walking on. “Funny, I don’t even know you.” 

“That’s what makes it ideal! I don’t know you, you don’t know me! We aren’t expecting anything from each other, other than showing up to the date!”

“Sure…” you sighed. 

“And we’d never sleep with each other as well, it’s a win-win.”

You frowned, a quizzitive look on your face. “Why wouldn’t we sleep together?” He looked you up and down and grimaced. “Christ, calm down with the flattery asshole.”

“Not like that, it’s just you’re not my type,” he explained quickly. 

“Goodbye, or Cheerio, I guess. Since that’s what you say in Bristol,” you scoffed, walking off. 

“Come on, it’d be perfect! No more sad glances, no more kids' table seats. I have tickets to the Skyfall party, and I need a plus one,” he explained, following you. 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. 

“That’s such a good party,” you sighed, knowing for the years you’d gone to it before. 

“So say yes,” he smirked, knowing he was winning you over. “I just want to have a nice night and know that my date won’t go batshit if I don’t drop down on one knee at midnight with a ring with a quarter of a million pounds.”

“What makes you think I’m not batshit?” you smirked. 

He smiled. “You’re not.”

You smiled back. 

“I’m Lando, by the way.”

“Y/n.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/n, here is my number,” he smiled, handing you his business card. 

“Formula 1 driver and CEO,” you raised an eyebrow. “Do you drive for the orange team?”

“It’s papaya,” he rolled his eyes. “And yes, yes I do.” 

“Don’t girls like… throw themselves at you?”

He sighed. “Those are usually the batshit ones.”

You nodded. “Right.” 

“Just think about the party and text me,” he smiled. 

“I won’t be texting you, I’m more of a RedBull girl myself,” you smirked, walking off. 

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You sighed, thinking over the past new days. Your mom had tried (and failed) to get you to meet with her new neighbour, work was already beating you down, and you just needed some fun. Skyfall party it was. 

Lando, it was. 

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The party was already insane when you walked in, and you two fell into a steady rhythm of guessing peoples’ stories. 

“You look beautiful tonight,” he smiled. 

“Thanks,” you smiled. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Your tits look amazing in that dress,” he smiled, and chuckled when you smiled. “This is great! I can say whatever I want, and I don’t have to worry whether you think I’m a classy guy or not.” 

“I can wear a slutty dress without being slut-shamed, win-win,” you agreed. 

As the night progressed, you found yourself slightly (*very much) drunk and sitting, talking about your awful love lives, and your deep-rooted hatred for the film Dirty Dancing. 

“He’s such a dick to her the entire film, and she has absolutely no self-respect!” you argued.

“But isn’t it romantic or something-?”

“No! It's pathetic that she’s sold as this head-strong, interesting girl who falls for the first guy she sees at a goddamn summer camp for families, likes him the entire time even though he treats her like shit, then gets excited in the end when he finally gives her a chance, because he ‘grew to love her’. It’s bullshit!”

“So who ruined rom coms for you?” he asked. You shook your head. 

“We’re not going there,” you sighed, taking another sip of your drink. 

“I think we’re already here,” he smiled. “You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Luc,” you answered. 

“Christ, he sounds like a wanker,” he giggled. 

“He wasn’t,” you sighed. “He was handsome, intelligent, French.”

Lando scoffed. “What happened?”

“We just… needed different things,” you explained. “I wanted someone to take home for the holidays, he wanted to fuck a barista. It was a super mutual break-up,” you laughed. Lando didn’t. 

“Shit,” Lando cursed. “Ouch.”

“Well, to be fair, he was too good-looking to be trustworthy,” you sighed. “My sister always says to date-down. Then you’ll never get hurt. I gotta piss, I’ll be right back,” you said, then off you went. 

Lando watched as you left, his heart a little heavier than before. 

In the bathroom, a bride-to-be (well, they were getting engaged tonight, one of the many people you and Lando had profiled) was sobbing over a dress and you had decided to be the good person and switch with her, taking her number so she could give the dress back after she got it dry cleaned. 

You came back in a white ruffled dress with a very large red wine stain on it. You sighed. “Don’t even.”

“Did you get stabbed?” he chuckled. “Or is Carrie in now?”

“Shut up Lando,” you scoffed, dragging him onto the dance floor. 

If Lando was a good charmer, he certainly was a good dancer. You two danced along to the fast-paced, pop songs, but then came the slow set at about 10:30. ‘(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life’ started playing, the spotlight blaring down on you two as the chords played. Your face dropped and he giggled uncontrollably. 

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner,” he cheekily smirked, taking your hand. 

The dance floor cleared off, watching as you two somehow pulled off the jump, only for him to drop you, because he was giggling so hard. 

“Nobody drops Baby on her head,” you reminded him as you two sat out of the dancing, trying to substitute your bruised egos (and bodies) with alcohol. 

“I’m going to go take a piss,” he sighed, getting up. 

Perfect timing. The countdown started just as he left, and you were left to watch all the happy couples french-kiss their way into the new year. You sighed. Had it been your worst date ever? No. Would you call him again? Probably not. You watched as people all around kissed and held the people they loved the most and you couldn’t help but feel… without. Sure, you liked how easy and painless being single was, but it was also lonely. For the first time in a while, you let yourself just feel lonely. It sucked. 

Then, Lando came running back, an apology on his lips. 

“Happy New Year Lando,” you smiled, not as enthused as earlier, but it would do. 

“Happy New Year,” he nodded, still sorry about missing it. He awkwardly kissed your cheek and you just accepted it, hoping next year would be slightly (extremely) different. 

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You two rode in the back of a cab, you looked out the window at the city going by, the streets you knew so well and-

“Tonight was fun,” he admitted. “I had a good time.”

“Not the worst night of my life,” you agreed.

“So… what are your Valentine’s plans?” he questioned. 

“You mean the holiday that’s in two whole months?” you chuckled. He nodded. “I don’t know! I don’t have plans yet.”

“Great, let’s make some!” he smiled. You frowned. “Come on, after that I’ll be busy until the summer! Let’s just go to a movie or something.”

“A lot can happen in two months, Lando,” you explained. “And if I don’t meet the love of my life by then, I have a tradition of buying chocolate and eating it. Alone.”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “If you change your mind, I’m here.”

“You can stay here then,” you scoffed. The taxi pulled up outside your apartment block, and back to your apartment you went, exhausted from the night. Happy New Year to you. 

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“No Valentine’s day date? What?” Liz cried. Agreeing to go wedding planning with her was a bad choice, noted. You were stuck in a bright, flowery, overly-scented room shop of fabrics, designs, and glassware, all of the shit you never thought you’d have to care about. 

“I’m not dying,” you sighed. “It’s a random Thursday where chocolate is either cheap and good, or expensive and good. I’ll enjoy a bath, and go to bed early. Sounds perfect to me.”

“You should call mom’s neighbour!” Liz suggested. “What’s his name?”

“No,” you sighed. “I am not going out with someone that my mother sets me up with.”

“But what about the wedding? You can’t be single at the wedding,” Liz sighed. 

“You mean the wedding that’s 8 whole months away?” 

“Exactly! What will you do?”

“I am more than happy to be single, I don’t have to share a bathroom, a bed, or a kitchen with a man,” you argued, and Liz nodded, kind of agreeing with your philosophy (your brother was a gross dude). “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve some chocolate to buy.”

As you walked to the chocolate shop in the mall, you couldn’t help but think of Lando. Maybe he’d gone off with some model, or some actress. Maybe he was in Ibiza right now partying the night away with his other famous friends. Or maybe he was right outside the shop, watching you see your ex and his fiance for the first time since the break up. 

Fuck. 

You stood, watching the two of them canoodle in front of you in line, and your heart sank slightly. Great. A model. 

“Y/n?” Luc questioned, turning to you. 

“Luc,” you faked as much enthusiasm as possible, just to keep your voice from breaking. 

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Good,” you smiled, trying to sound sure of yourself. “What about you?”

“Busy,” he chuckled. “Oh, this is Nicola, my fiancé!” He introduced you to the gorgeous woman next to him. She was basically you, same hair, eye colour, build, but if you put the tiktok beauty filter on you, and turned it up to 100. 

“Fiancé?” you gawked, pretending to sound excited. 

“Nicola,” she smiled, holding out her hand to be shaken. You took it shaking it.

“Hey baby,” Lando smiled, wrapping an arm around you as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, joining in beside you. “You get the stuff for the party?”

Luc and Nicola’s faces dropped in shock. 

“Yeah, babe,” you played along. “This is Lando, my boyfriend,” you turned to the two of them, smiling. 

“You didn’t tell me your college friends were in town,” he smiled. “How’s clowning going?” 

You held back a laugh, realising you had told him the story of the couple you’d met in your 3 days of clown college. It wasn’t for you, hence not being able to call your sisters’ clown friend back about a second date. 

“Oh, we’re not clowns,” she chuckled, trying to play it off as a joke.

“Oh gosh!” Lando faked embarrassment quite well. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea-”

“No, that’s alright,” Luc stopped him. “It’s lovely to you Lando-”

“Yeah, well, we’d better run, big plans tonight,” Lando interrupted, paying for your chocolate and taking your hand. “We have a flight to catch.”

“Where are you going?” Nicola questioned, but you were already being pulled out of the shop.

“Holy shit that was awful!” you cursed. “Why is it that the new girlfriend has to be younger and hotter?” 

“Here, drink this to calm yourself,” he handed you his drink, and you took a sip. 

Green juice, gross. 

“God, I’m going to be sick,” you sighed, dramatically sitting on one of the mall benches. 

“Well, usually the younger the girl, the less chance of commitment being an issue,” he explained. “Men think like that, at least, I think they do.”

“But you don’t?” you snarkily raised an eyebrow. He chuckled. 

“I try not to,” he giggled. “And anyways, it’s kind of a compliment anyways.”

“You're right!” you cheered. “Nicola is a cry for help.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you drunk?”

“Maybe,” you sighed. “Those Guinness truffle things are pretty strong. You want one?”

“No, I'm alright, thanks.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh yeah, you’re a professional athlete.”

“Don’t say it like it’s a joke,” he scoffed. “I am.”

“You’re just being a pussy,” you shrugged. “Real athletes enjoy chocolate. Ask Lewis Hamilton.” 

“I can if you want me to,” he smirked. 

“I trust that my favourite driver enjoys chocolate, thanks though.”

“Lewis is your favourite?” he scoffed, turning to you. 

“I’m hardly going for the fucking papayas,” you chuckled. 

“Anyways, if I wasn’t such a pussy, you would still be in a fucking sweet shop talking to your ex-boyfriend and his new fiancé,” he smirked. “You’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” you replied. “I owe you one.”

“I will take my hand job in the car park, thank you very much,” he chuckled, obviously laughing. 

“A hand job?” you scoffed. “What are we? 15?”

“You were giving out hand jobs at 15?” 

“Most of us weren’t 3 feet tall at age 15,” you teased. 

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As the months went on, you blew through St. Patrick’s day and Easter, finding out about Lando’s heartbreak along the way. His ex-girlfriend Luisha and him had broken up over the simple reason of his fans hating her more than life itself. As the F1 season began, you stayed busy with work while he travelled and drove, and every now and then you’d text each other about your days, or call to catch up. 

It was nice, having someone to talk to. Lando didn’t judge you the way your family or friends did. He liked you for you, and you tolerated him for him.

The night of Cinco De Mayo came around the corner, and you had invited Lando to come to a random bar and get fucked up together. He’d just won Miami the day before, and he was riding high. You two danced, drank, and sang the night away, eventually waking up in your apartment. 

Waking up in your aparmtent, in only your bra and his boxers. 

“Fuck,” you whispered, the bright light basically blinding you, as the hangiety and headache began.

“Morning,” his voice was groggy and deep. “I guess we…”

“No way,” you sighed, pushing yourself up off the floor- how did you get there? “There’s no way we would’ve… one of us would remember.” 

“You can’t tell? You’re wearing my boxers, Y/n,” he smiled. “If we did it’s fine, right? We’re both adults, we can move past it.”

You grabbed your own panites from the floor beside you, and quickly hid behind a tall chair to change. “There’s no dried patch on my thigh, no wrapper on the floor, nothing hurts, I don’t feel strange,” you listed. “Can’t you tell?”

“I just feel like shit,” he sighed.

“Right, so we didn’t do it,” you offered. 

“Let’s go with that,” he nodded, giving you a thumbs up. 

“Coffee?” you offered. 

“Yeah, please,” he groaned, closing his eyes again. 

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You two went through Mother’s Day (meeting his mom and pretending to be his girlfriend was terrifying, but you kept it together), and eventually you invited him to your yearly 4th of July party at your parents lake house, but he was too busy racing in Silverstone, so he invited you (and your family) to come to the race. 

You watched as he sped down the main straight, full of anticipation. Right now, Oscar was in the lead for the WDC and McLaren was leading the WCC as they continued winning race after race. Lando really wanted this one though, he had to win his home race. 

You’d really gotten into F1 in recent months, and you had started to actually enjoy the races, not just watch  them because Lando was driving. 

You watched as he sped down the main straight, rain pouring down, this was his final flying lap, the one that would put him over Oscar, up to pole position and-

He spun out. 

“Fuck!” you shouted, shocked at the scene in front of you. The session was red flagged and everyone went back into the pits. While you watched, on the edge of your seat, as he was carried out of the car and put into a medical car. 

You sprinted down to the garage, ready to see him. You couldn’t let him get hurt while you were there, that meant you were his bad luck charm or something. You couldn’t have that. You watched as he exited the medical car, right outside the McLaren garage, and you breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out, looking mostly unharmed.

“Holy shit,” you whispered, taking his hand. “You’re alright after that?”

He shrugged. “Maybe? I have to go get checked-”

“You need someone to go to the hospital with you,” Will interrupted. “We’re going to stay back and work on the data, you have someone?” 

Lando looked at you with wide eyes. “Ummm-”

“He does,” you nodded. “I’ll come with you.”

He gave you an appreciative smile. 

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“The doctor will be in shortly,” Maisie, his very annoyed nurse smiled as the both of you tried desperately to hold in your laughter. 

“Thank you,” you smiled, and as she left the room you and him burst into laughter again. You weren’t even sure you knew what you were laughing about, but that was fine with the two of you. 

In came… you mom’s neighbour? 

“Faarouq?” you questioned. “You’re in England?”

“I volunteer here,” he explained. “Flew in to reconnect this guy's finger, and now I’m just staying a few extra days since they’re understaffed.”

“Oh,” you smiled. “That’s awesome.”

You hadn’t noticed it before, but he really was lovely. He was kind, he volunteered, he was a doctor. He was great. 

Lando watched as you and he chatted and he couldn’t help but feel himself deflate. He didn’t know why, but seeing you with him made him… something. He wasn’t sure. 

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No issues, all healthy, might experience some neck pain. Clean bill of health.  

You walked him up to his hotel room, his arm around your shoulder. You’d honestly had a brilliant day with Lando, the best 4th you’d ever had. 

You lay him down in his bed, handing him a glass of water. 

“Sorry for ruining your 4th,” he sighed. “You probably should’ve been with your family.”

You brushed it off. “Holidates should never leave a holidate behind,” you chuckled. “And anyways, it was a pretty fun day.” 

You put a hand on his shoulder, assuring him of your answer, and he put his hand over yours. You both felt it, looking at each other just a little bit too long for it to be platonic, but you quickly ended it, leaving as soon as you could.

He was a Holidate, nothing more. 

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“Our hands touched,” he told Max as they set out for a day of golfing. 

“Holy shit,” he gasped. “Did you use protection?”

Lando scoffed as Max laughed. 

“I’m telling you there was a… moment, or something,” he sighed. “I’m starting to really like her.”

“Oh shit, you’ve got to get out then,” Max turned serious. 

“W-what do you mean?”

“Mate,” he groaned. “You’re a fucking F1 driver who is trying to win a World Championship right now, do you think you’ll have all the time in the world to date someone?” “But… the weddings’ coming up- and it’s on labour day. Technically that’s a holiday.”

“You’re already in too deep, bring someone else,” Max instructed. 

“Max I can juggle two things at once-”

“Mate, you’ve worked your entire life for this, do not fuck it up for some girl!”

Lando saw the truth in what he was saying (even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear), and he sighed. “I guess you’re right. I’ll text her tonight.” 

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You walked into the wedding, a sour look on your face. You date, Farrouq (your mom’s neighbour) clung to your aunt all night while Lando’s date was some super model that made you want to run and hide. 

“Hi,” he smiled, coming up to you at the bar. 

“Hi.”

“Enjoying the wedding?” 

“Yup,” you nodded. “You?”

“Yeah, it’s great,” he agreed. 

“Your date seems nice,” you mentioned. 

“She left a little while ago,” he admitted. 

“Oh shit, sorry,” you cursed. “I genuinely meant it. I didn’t see her leave-”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” he shook his head. “No harm done.”

You took a sip of your drink and looked behind you to see your aunt tounging your date, and you sighed. “Any plans for halloween?”

“I’m working on it,” he agreed. Holidates once again. 

Max would murder him. He didn’t feel too guilty about it. 

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Halloween rolled around and Lando put you in a fucking pirates costume with a very tight corset, but you understood that’s what you get when you put a dude in charge of costumes. You sat with your sister at the bar, waiting for Lando to catch your eye when you felt hands around your waist. 

“Ahoy mate,” he whispered, giggling.

“Fuck!” you jumped. “You scared me!”

He laughed, then stopped when he actually looked at you. “The costume looks… amazing,” he smiled, starstruck. 

“Thanks I feel like a total slut,” you joked. 

“Well you look like one too,” Abby added. “Go get a drink or something,” you scoffed, shooing her off. You turned to Lando. “What’s the plan for tonight?” 

“Get fucked up?”

“Sounds perfect!” you smiled, then took a swig of your beer. The night went off with some dancing, some chocolate, and then in came Luc with a very pregnant Nicola. 

Pregnant. Pregnant. She was fucking pregnant. You stood there in stunned silence as everyone caught up, shocked at the fact that she was pregnant. 

“Holy fuck! She’s pregnant, pregnant!” you complained as you walked through the party, feeling increasingly sick. 

“Come on, you just need a drink,” Abby scoffed, handing you some punch. 

Your stomach turned. “No, no, I’m really sick,” you shook your head, bracing yourself against the table. 

“Are you alright?” Lando asked, holding your waist. 

“No,” you leaned into him. “Not at all.”

“Should I bring you home?” he offered. 

“I’ll just get a cab, I’m alright-”

“Holidate rule number three, never leave a date behind,” he reminded you, so you let him get in the cab with you. 

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It hurt. It hurt so bad. Mixing alcohol with red dye 40 and about 50 mini candy bars was not a good idea. You whined as Lando had to physically pick you up and carry you to the lift of your aparmtnt, 

“Wait, she’s due next week right?” you did the maths in your head. “They did it on Valentine’s day!” you sobbed. 

“Everyone does it on Valentine’s day,” he reasoned. 

“I didn’t!” you screamed. 

He thought back. “Hey! I didn’t either!” 

Then the lift dinged and he dragged you in, listening as you spiralled. 

Then that awful noise. Then the awful feeling. 

“Untie me,” you said, your voice low, sober.  

“Huh?” 

“Untie me,” you instructed, gasping at the strings of your corset. 

“What- how the fuck do you untie this?” he asked, gripping at the strings. 

“I don’t know! Just untie it!” you shouted. 

“I can’t, it’s like-”

“Rip it Lando, fucking rip it!” you shouted. 

“I’m trying, it’s-”

The elevator dinged and behind the doors an old couple appeared, looking less than impressed. You realised how bad it looked, but truly, it was much worse than what they were thinking. They closed again, and up another floor they went. 

You needed to get to a toilet, now. 

You both ran to your door, him ripping off your corset at the last moment before you shut the bathroom door, and thankfully you made it, but not without sobbing crying on the toilet. Fuck your sister and her accidentally giving you laxatives. 

You sat in your bath as he held the shower head to your back. 

“Don’t even look at me,” you sighed. 

“I’m not,” he said, and he wasn’t. He was trying his absolute hardest not to look at you. Even though you’d almost actually shit yourself, even though he’d heard you sobbing crying, somehow, you were still the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen, and as much as he wanted to he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. He looked back at you and smiled, when he was sure you weren’t looking. Something in his heart leaped, and he knew he should’ve been weary, but he almost didn’t care. 

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You sat in bed as he brought you a glass of water and you sighed. “So… I guess I’ll be a story you tell at parties now? Half of Monaco will know me as the girl who-”

“The girl who shit her pants on Halloween?” 

You groaned. “Fuck off.”

He chuckled. “I meant it when I said I’d seen worse, and don’t worry, I won't tell anyone. Promise.” 

You turned back around to face him and smiled. “Thank you.”

He offered you a soft smile, and you both fell asleep like that. 

Waking up? That was a different story. You gently opened your eyes to see a very asleep Lando. His eyes scrunched up, an arm around you, his face closer to yours than it had ever been, and you smiled. The way his nose scrunched up, the moles on his face, his long eyelashes, I mean… you knew he was gorgeous before but up close? It was practically unfair. 

Then his eyes fluttered open, and he moved his arm back, staring at you the same way you were staring at him. Again, another moment. His eyes on you, having him so close. It all drove you crazy. 

He didn’t feel much different. He was tired of this charade, pretending he wasn’t head over heels in love with you. Like he didn’t clear his schedule the second you’d asked him if he was free on Halloween. Then he moved closer, as if he was going to kiss you. He knew you wanted it too-

You covered your mouth with the covers. “I hate it when people kiss in the morning in movies, I think it’s disgusting,” you chuckled.

He laughed. God, you were adorable. He smiled at you for a moment, then moved your hand down, looking to you for approval. You nodded, and he kissed you. 

And it was everything you’d ever wanted in a kiss. The sparks flying, the silent feelings, the butterflies in your stomach going crazy. Lando made you feel like that. He made you feel… amazing. And it was everything he’d ever wanted in a kiss too. 

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You resurfaced after your soft morning sex and stood in the kitchen, both of you a little bit sweaty and tired. 

“We should probably-”

“You can go, if you want,” you offered, hoping you hadn’t said the wrong thing. Lando was a famous, rich guy, he probably had casual sex all the time. You didn’t want to be one of those crazy girls that thinks that sex ties you to a person (even thought it was more than just sex to you), so you have to let him go, right? 

He looked like a deer in headlights. “Do you want me to leave?”

“I mean, I don’t mind. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay or anything-”

“Obligated?” he questioned. 

“Well, Halloween is over, right? Holidate ending? See you at Thanksgiving?” you joked. 

His heart broke slightly. “Right.” 

Then the doorbell rang. 

You ran over, opening it as quickly as you could, only to reveal your sister, absolutely trashed. Lando stood against the counter, sighing. How could he let himself fuck this up too? You were amazing. You were the best thing that had happened to him all year. It was ridiculous how much he looked forward to your calls and texts, how often he checked his phone just to see the ‘group photo’ of you, him, Max, and your family that he’d taken at the wedding. You, with his arms around you. Even if you two were fighting that week, you still chose to stand beside him in the photo, and let him hold you. That meant more to him than anything. He groaned, hitting his head against a cabinet. How did he fuck it all up?

“I kissed the black panther!” Abby sobbed. “I kissed the guy, at the party, dressed as the black panther!” 

“W-what?” you scoffed, holding her as she cried, sending a ‘help me’ look Lando’s way. 

“I am a terrible person!” she screamed into a pillow sobbing. 

“Morning Abby,” Lando smiled. She stopped crying and turned her attention to him. 

“Morning Land… holy shit you two had sex!” 

“We did not!” you argued. 

“We didn't?” Lando asked, his voice quieter than usual. He put down his coffee mug. 

“Oh…” Abby sighed. “I should- I should go.”

“NO! No, you- you stay! I’ll make some breakfast-” you pleaded, grabbing her hand.

“It’s alright Abby, you stay, I’ll go,” Lando nodded, grabbing the last bits of his costume. “Okay?” he looked to you, hoping against hope that you’d ask him to stay. You didn’t. “Okay.”

“Bye! See you at Thanksgiving!” 

The look he gave you as he was leaving told you he wouldn’t call you again. 

How did you always fuck everything up?

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“Mate, she shoved me out the door,” Lando sighed, doing anything but looking over the data.

Will sighed. “She didn’t even want a cuddle?”

“Nothing! We had half a cup of coffee in blissful silence, then she kicked me out!” he groaned. “Ugh! Why is dating so hard!”

Will chuckled. “It’s alright mate, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea-”

“But they’re not Y/n! I want Y/n. I want my Y/n,” he whined. “Y’know what the last thing she said to me was? ‘See you at Thanksgiving’, like it didn’t even mean anything to her. Like I was fucking meaningless.”

“At least you’ve still got her as a Holidate-”

“I cannot do that anymore,” he admitted. “I can’t just… pretend to be in love with her when I actually am.” 

“No, mate, you’ve got to keep going with it. You just act like nothing has changed and she’ll come crawling back. It’s a foolproof idea!” ౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

God, you hated Thanksgiving. Your mother couldn’t cook, your sister was busy asking you about that guy she kissed at the party, and Lando was nowhere to be seen. As you opened the front door ready to run to the supermarket and buy an entire Thanksgiving feast, you were met with the face of Lando Norris. 

“Hi,” he smiled sadly. 

“Hi,” you smiled. “I have to run to the store so you can…”

“Great,” he nodded. “I’ll drive.” 

You had realised that in the 11 months you’d known each other, you hadn’t ever driven with him. “Not too fast, not all of us have the neck of an F1 driver,” you teased, hoping to lighten the mood. He just nodded with a reserved smile on his face. Challenge failed. 

You sat in the car as he drove (definitely over the speed limit), awkwardly wondering what to say. 

“How have you been?” he asked, his hands gripping the wheel. 

“Good, busy,” you explained. “You?” “Good. Busy,” he answered, his hands gripping the wheel even harder. You were both silent for a moment. “Are we seriously just going to pretend it never happened?”

“That works for me,” you nodded, thinking that’s what he really wanted. 

“Well, for the record, I wasn’t the one who wanted to leave that morning,” he sighed. 

“It’s not like you were asking to stay, plus, you didn’t even want to have sex with me in the first place. You’re not attracted to me, remember?” 

“Why can’t you let that go?”

“Because when a guy opens with the fact that he doesn’t find you attractive, it kind of sets the tone for the relationship-” 

“I was some random guy at the mall, what would you have said if I opened with ‘hi I think you’re insanely beautiful’?!”

You both paused for a second. 

“Y/n, come on. Everything about you is beautiful. Your smile, your personality, your humour. You would’ve never gone out with me, definitely not on New Year’s.”

You were both quiet again. 

“Does that change anything for you?” he looked at you, eyes pleading. You had to make a choice. 

“No.”Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes. Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.

Why did you have to be so good at protecting yourself? 

“Fucking hell- you’re trying so hard not to feel anything because you’re scared of getting hurt, so you’re lying to the both of us-”

“Maybe I just don’t feel the same, Lando. Not every girl will fall at your fucking feet,” you scoffed. 

“Fine. Enjoy the rest of your holidays, alone, at the kids table, blaming everyone but yourself for your problems.” 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

How did you fuck it up so badly? You walked back in. 

“Where’s Lando?” Abby asked. 

“Don’t know, don’t care.” 

“What? What did you do?” Your brother asked. 

“What makes you think it was my fault?” you scoffed. 

“You should call him, he’s a good guy,” Abby added. “You should just call and apologise.”

“Why do you think it was my fault?” 

“Well if you were honest with him we could probably get through one holiday without your personal life ruining dinner for everyone,” your mother sighed. 

“My personal life?” you scoffed. 

“Is a mess,” Abby interjected. 

“Ok, my personal life might be a perpetual mess but at least I didn’t kiss some randomer at Halloween!” you argued. 

“You fucking bitch,” she cursed.

A chorus of ‘who’, ‘what’ and ‘how’ quickly fell upon the room, until it was all drowned out by Peter, her husband. 

“You kissed someone else?”

You clapped a hand over your mouth. “I am so sorry I thought you’d told him-”

“I saw no tongue,” York, your brother added.

“You saw and didn’t tell me?” Liz questioned. 

“You can’t keep a secret,” he shrugged. 

“How would you know that, you know nothing about me!” she scoffed, getting up. 

“I trusted you!” Peter cried. “You went alone, I-I thought I could trust you-”

“I go everywhere without, a-and you never have any time for me because you’re always stressing about the kids-”

“One of us has to!” he shouted. 

Then your aunt’s date had a literal heart attack, and you were all stuck in silence as the ambulance rolled away with him inside. He would be fine, but you and your aunt went with him (not by choice) just for good measure. He was fine in the end and your aunt even met the love of her life at the hospital. 

Shittiest Thanksgiving ever. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

As Christmas rolled around and you watched the F1 season come to a close, you watched as Lando finished second in the standings, just behind Oscar. You missed him. You missed texting and calling him, you missed watching him crack bad jokes and laugh until his stomach hurt, you missed his fluffy hair and pretty face. 

You missed it all. The worst part was that he was right. You were just too afraid of being in love and putting your heart on the line, that you messed up the best thing that had ever happened to you. 

౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊౨ৎ˚₊

He walked through the same mall that he’d met you in a full year ago, and he sighed. He was empty, alone in Chicago once again, and he was done. Another chance at a WDC that he pissed away, and he was really starting to wonder if he truly had a place in the sport. Then he thought back to you, the way you liked him even without his race suit, without his money, without everything everyone else liked him for. You. He chuckled, he was probably just another Holidate to you, someone you wouldn’t even think about. 

Then he saw you as the escalators passed, and the way you looked at him gave him a glimmer of hope that he was wrong, that you did care. But you were gone in a flash and he knew he should just let it die. 

“There he was!” Abby squealed. “Go talk to him!”

“I can't, I'd just… it wouldn’t work. He hates me!” 

“Y/n, life is giving you a moment right now, take it!” 

And that’s how you ended up with a microphone in hand in the middle of a mall desperately trying to get the love of your life back. 

Thankfully, he said yes. And yes, it was videoed and put on the internet hundreds of times, too bad he’s a public figure. 

But that didn’t matter. You two were happy. 

‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡

a very f1 christmas! masterlist (2024)

navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[really-fanny-longbottom]

only in my dreams [part two]

summary: you turned off your emotions so you could protect your heart but at what price?

warnings: angst, mentions of unrequited love, curse words, blood and death.

pairings: azriel x reader

words: 8.9k

morning was here. 

you left emerie's house when the first rays of sunlight passed through the half-open bedroom window. 

your friends were still sound asleep when you pushed away their arms that tried to offer you some comfort during the night and got out of bed. 

you had no intention in waiting for them to wake up and having to talk about what had happened just a few hours ago. 

so you quickly changed your clothes and placed the backpack you had brought with you over your left shoulder.  

you didn't bother looking back when you left the room.

the front door closed behind you, and you found yourself facing the sun that was almost reaching its usual place in the blue sky. 

sunrise has always been your favorite part of the day.  

not only for the view, but also for its meaning — every time the sun rises, a new day comes with it, a new day that seems like a new blank page giving you a new opportunity to do your best and let go of the past on the day that was left behind. 

besides, being a healer meant that your day always started early, so why not start it with the best view ever?

when you lived with your aunt madja, you would go to the bridge over the sidra and sit on the wall and when you moved to the house of the wind you would go to your balcony and do the same.

you would close your eyes and tilt your head slightly upwards and immediately relax with the sunlight passing through your body and warming not only your skin but also your soul.

you don't know if it was because you're an empath but you've always felt a connection with the sun, as if you could feel its energy, it was as if the sun itself had emotions and was trying to communicate with you.

you loved how it made you feel.

but that was before.

now, standing in the doorway of emerie's house, as you looked at it, you didn't know what to do.

you stayed there for a few moments waiting for something to happen — for you to feel something.

but nothing came.

with a shrug of your shoulders, you turned your back on what used to be your greatest comfort and step by step you began to move away from it and the house.

as you walked, you didn't notice that the camp was starting to wake up, just as you didn't notice the sunlight fading away.

you winnowed as soon as you reached the edge of the camp.

••• 

twenty minutes later, you were in velaris about to arrive at your aunt's house to take a much-needed shower.

as you walked up the street, you didn't pay attention to any of the citizens who were opening their establishments and getting ready for a new day of work.

some of them tried to get your attention to greet you just like they always did. You would look at them with your eyes full of color and wave greetings with a warm smile, sometimes you would even stop and talk to some of them.

but not anymore.

now, you simply walked with an expression of indifference without removing your empty eyes from the path ahead.

you only stopped when an all too familiar voice filled the air around you — the voice of the last person you wanted to see right now. "y/n."

you could already see your aunt's house from here, and you were so close to getting there. 

slowly, you turned around and faced the person who had stopped you from reaching your destination.

it was the wife of the patient you lost yesterday with one of their sons by her side, both wearing mourning clothes.

"i'm sorry to bother you, but i saw you passing by, and i just wanted to thank you again for what you did for my husband yesterday." she told you with a weak voice, her eyes still red from the tears.

with a fake smile on your features, you ran a hand through your hair before telling her, "i was just doing my job. after all, that's what i'm paid for."

surprised by your reaction, the female lost her words and after a few seconds to compose herself, she cleared her throat and said "well, the funeral is this afternoon at three o'clock if you want to join us."

you laughed, and without a care in the world, you replied, "no, thank you. i have better things to do but have fun."

and with that, you turned your back on them and walked up the rest of the street before removing the small key from your backpack and entering your aunt's house.

the wife and son remained in their places, trying to understand what had just happened. 

••• 

after placing your backpack on the sofa, you started heading to the stairs towards the bathroom, but before you could, an irritated voice stopped you in your tracks. "where have you been?"

"oh, for cauldron's sake," you muttered and turned to find madja with her arms crossed and an angry face.

"i was with the valkyries. i spent the night at emerie's." you told her with a tone of annoyance.

"i'm aware of that. the high lord had the decency to send me a letter unlike you," madja scolded before continuing, her voice turning softer. "he also told me what happened about azriel." 

when she opened her mouth to speak again, you raised a hand and stopped her from it, "okay, auntie, it's too early for this. i'm going to take a shower and i'll see you at the clinic. okay. cool."

you used both hands to give the cool sign, but before you could step on the stairs, madja called you again. "wait."

"ugh, you gotta be kidding me," you whispered low enough for her not to hear.

you saw your aunt grab a piece of parchment and hand it to you. "this arrived for you a few minutes ago." 

when you unrolled it, you recognized nesta's handwriting. 

she was asking where you were. 

without hesitation, you crumpled the paper and threw it into the middle of the fireplace where it instantly began to burn.

"anything else?"

when your aunt didn't speak, you accepted her silence as an answer and started climbing the stairs by jumping two steps at a time. 

the bathroom door closed seconds later, and madja, who didn't know what animal had bitten you to react like that, put a hand to her forehead before muttering to herself, "what was that?"  

••• 

the clinic was very busy like almost every day but you never complained.

unlike other people, you could happily say that you liked your work. being a healer has always been a rewarding job. 

there was nothing else you enjoyed as much as helping your patients. heal them, make them feel safe, and heard. make them feel important.

your favorite days were the days you helped a new life enter this world. seeing those beings so small and innocent was the best miracle of life.  

but of course, like all jobs, yours also had a bad side. 

seeing your patients sick and knowing that in some cases there is nothing you can do to help, seeing them leave this life and the family they leave behind. 

there were patients who had left such an impact on you that from time to time, they appeared in your dreams. 

sometimes, you felt guilty at their memory because you felt like you could have done more, but most of the time, their memories reminded you to do better for others.  

but none of that mattered to you anymore. now you simply limited yourself to doing your job so you could get paid. 

you were finishing bandaging the knee of a boy who had tripped while running.

the boy had become a regular patient of yours, always finding a way to hurt himself, whether it is running or reading a book.

it was a simple wound that didn't require the use of your powers, so you cleaned, disinfected, and put a bandage on it.

your right hand held his injured leg while the other tried to wrap the bandage, when you finished and lowered his leg, you noticed that he had a bruise in the exact place where your hand had been just seconds before.

with your focus on the wound, you hadn't even noticed the bruise. you went behind the counter and grabbed a bottle of ointment that you had made last weekend and handed it to the boy.

"take this," you pointed to the bruise that had several shades of purple on his leg, "twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. if it starts to hurt, put some ice on it."

following the movement of your hand, the boy saw the bruise for the first time with a confused face "oh, i didn't even know I had that," he grabbed the bottle and with a toothless smile, he started heading towards the door but not without shouting first "thank you, y/n! i'll see you next week." 

"whatever" you let out a sigh and walked towards your chair to take a break but before you could your aunt directed you to the next patient. 

it was an old male who mixed up the plants in his garden and ended up using the wrong plant as a seasoning for his food.

he was slightly pale, nauseous, and had stomach pain.

"you mistaken a poisonous plant for a seasoning plant?" you asked as you examined him, judgment written all over your face and voice.

"yes, i know what it looks like," he explained between short breaths, "but it was an honest mistake."

"it was a stupid mistake." you answered him without hesitation.

you were too busy finishing your exam to notice madja's shocked expression, who had stopped what she was doing at the sound of your words.

"y/n!" She approached and scolded you. "you can't talk to patients like that."

"what? it's true. it's not my fault he's an idiot." you told her with frightening indifference.

at your response, your aunt put her hands to her head with a whisper of "by the mother," escaping between her lips.

she got closer to the patient and placed one hand on his arm before bringing the other to her chest and apologizing to him for your behavior.

the male, on the other hand, said, "it's okay, she happens to be right."

you scoffed "of course i am," you turned to your aunt and with an air of irritation you asked her "now, are you going to let me work or haven't you finished disturbing me yet?"

shocked by your words, madja didn't know how to react or what to say, so she limited herself to taking two steps back, giving you space to continue working.

she looked at you, trying to understand what was happening to you, because this type of behavior was not normal.

you had never spoken to her like that — you had never spoken to anyone like that.

you were sweet, attentive, and very polite. this was not the niece she knew.

she couldn't help but think that maybe this situation with azriel and elain was affecting more than you had let on.

plus, she was well acquainted with how much your emotions could overwhelm you. 

choking sounds broke the trance she was in, and her mind refocused on what was in front of her.

you had started the healing process in the patient, and your hand hovered over his belly in order to try to eliminate the poison, but something was wrong.

because the patient was now paler and bleeding from his mouth.

madja saw you stop and look at her. "i think the poison is stronger than i thought." you kept looking at her, no doubt waiting for her to react, but when she didn't, you couldn't help the sarcastic comment that escaped you. "are you waiting for him to die? because my arms are starting to get numb." 

that was enough to make her move and begin her own examination of the patient.

she frowned. did you really just say that? 

"are you sure you gave me the correct name of the plant you used in your food?" you asked the patient while using a cloth to clean the blood, irritation in your voice.

he simply nodded his head

"maybe the plant you used was in contact with another. are there any other poisonous plants in your garden?"

the male shook his head, his breathing more rapid.

your brain started working quickly trying to see all the possibilities and it was then that you turned to your aunt and found yourself saying "maybe it's because he ate a long time ago and that allowed the poison to spread. i mean, who knows how long this idiot ingested a poisonous plant?" 

madja didn't answer you and due to her silence, you removed your hands from the patient and met her gaze with your empty eyes and a bored expression in your features "okay, so you got this right? i'm hungry, so i'm going to take a break." and with a look of disgust, you walked away.

the old female's heart was beating very fast. she couldn't believe what she had just witnessed.

not just your words but also your actions.

maybe she had seen wrong. 

maybe what she saw and made her freeze before you caught her attention hadn't happened.

maybe she just imagined it. 

because it couldn't be.

could it?

•••

several days passed, and you continued to act strangely since the day you returned from illyria. 

madja was observing you now more than ever, and little by little, she began to assimilate all the differences that you now demonstrated, but the one that worried her the most until now?  

the reason she made you work behind the counter taking care of patient charts so you wouldn't have to interact with them medically. 

you weren't the niece she knew and loved so much, and she began to think that something else must have happened — something you weren't sharing with her. 

and if madja was honest with herself, you were starting to scare her.

your behavior continued to become increasingly strange — how you interacted with patients, the way you spoke to her, your 'new clothes', and your nights out.

not to mention what you had said to the family of the patient you lost a week ago. 

madja met them in the market when she went shopping for groceries, and when the widow told her what you had said them, she didn't want to believe that such insensitivity had come from you. 

she thought about asking the inner circle if they knew anything but after meeting the high lady on the street as she left her studio the other day, she informed madja that it had been almost a week and a half since any of them had seen or spoken to you. 

feyre also explained that both she and the others sent several letters to you, and none returned with a response.

not even nesta knew where you were these days. 

it was with this new information that madja's heart began to tighten more and more with worry. her sleep no longer came as it used to, and the feeling of calm that used to hover over her was gone. 

madja was well aware of your relationship with the older archeron sister, that she was not just a best friend but a sister.

so, why wouldn't you be talking to her? with none of them? 

•••

rita's was full as always — full of life, light, and music.

people danced while others drank and gamble. laughter, singing, and shouts of euphoria filled the air of the familiar bar. 

this has always been one of your favorite places to spend time with your family, not to mention that rita herself was a long-time friend.

good memories were formed on the dance floor with feyre and nesta, on the karaoke stage with mor, several shot battles with cassian that often ended with the two of you on the floor and too many card games with rhys and azriel where you took all their money.

whenever these memories surfaced, they warmed your heart and made you feel lucky to have these people by your side.

now, you felt nothing besides an emptiness in your heart, but at least your heart was whole again, and that's what mattered. 

you ordered your third drink of the night, and the moment you took the first sip, a deep voice was heard from behind you.

"can i join you, my lady?"

when you turned to find the owner of the mysterious voice, you couldn't hide the surprise on your face which you quickly replaced with a mischievous smile "well, well, well, look what the wind brought." 

your colorless eyes meet golden ones that belong to a male with fiery hair and a smirk that matched yours, displayed on his lips.

you let your eyes roam the male in front of you as you analyzed him. he wore a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons open, brown pants where his muscles were visible and black boots.

"eris vanserra," you held out your hand for him to shake. instead, he grabbed it and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

"lady y/n," he greeted, his eyes always fixed on yours. 

you let out a light chuckle as you ran your eyes over the male again as he took the seat next to you. "well, you look delicious." 

"i could say the same about you," he replied with a chuckle, and now it was his turn to look at your form.

you wore a simple black strapless dress that fit your curves perfectly with a slit in the skirt on your left thigh and a pair of silver high heels that matched your jewelry. 

eris ordered his drink, and after you hit each other's glasses with a small 'cheers', you asked him the question you wanted since your eyes had landed on him.

"you are far from home. tell me, what brings you to velaris?" you took a sip of your drink before continuing. "does rhysand even know you're here?" 

following your movements, eris took a sip from his own glass before putting it down, "i'm here because of him, actually. i had a meeting with him and his inner circle a few hours ago."  

"oh, and i thought you had come here just to see me," you said as you signaled the bartender to refill your glass.  

"that can be arranged," the heir replied as he took another sip without ever taking his eyes off yours. 

you cleared your throat after an unexpected heat warmed your cheeks. "i'm surprised he let you come here." 

eris chucked and turned around in his chair and faced you before resting one of his arms on the back of your chair. "i'm surprised i didn't see you at the meeting with the others. did you lose the invitation?" 

you let out a laugh as you tilted your head back slightly before meeting those golden eyes again. "nope, i just didn't want to go. those meetings bore me to death." 

eris's laughter rivaled yours and after losing yourself to the sound for a few seconds, you regained composure and found yourself saying to him "so, if the meeting ended a few hours ago, what are you still doing here?" 

the male stared at you for a few seconds and you noticed his smile weakened a little at your question but he was quick to hide it before answering you "maybe i wanted to see you before i left." 

"you mean you want to avoid beron." 

shock crossed the male's features, and when he opened his mouth to respond, you were quick to raise a hand towards him and stop him. "i'm an empath. reading people is kinda my thing, remember?" 

"right, sometimes i forget that," he picked up his glass again and turned it around a few times in his hand and this time he kept his eyes on the drink as he asked, "so, does that mean you've read me before?" " 

"yes." 

"and what did you read?"

"that this whole act of you being a bad, terrible and heartless male is just that — an act." 

his eyes finally meet yours, and you proceed. "that you care. that you love your mother and lucien more than you let on. and that you love your court and can't wait to get it out of beron's claws." 

"hm," eris leaned against the counter, and with a look of indifference on his face, he told you, "that's. . .accurate." 

a smile returned to your lips. your skills never failed you, at least not when it came to reading people.

"do you want to know what else i read?" 

eris gestured with his hand for you to continue, coming closer to the edge of your chair, you leaned slightly towards him before telling him "that you, eris vanserra," you placed a finger on his chest "you will be a better high lord than that terrible male ever was." 

eris swallowed the lump in his throat as you picked up your glass again and raised it towards him, making the heir follow your movement.

with a clink of glasses, you both drained your drinks, and a mischievous smile returned to your lips. "so, are you spending your night here?"

eris laughed, and as he placed some money on the counter for the night's drinks, he matched your smile, and with amusement in his voice, he asked you, "why? is that an invitation?" 

you added the same tone of amusement to your voice when you answered, "maybe." 

•••

you thanked the Mother that your aunt was working the night shift at the clinic and would only return in the morning. otherwise, this would be embarrassing — for her, at least. 

you walked up the stairs towards your bedroom with the male behind you. 

upon entering your bedroom, eris looked around, noticing that it was small but cozy.

a bed was placed in the corner with a wide window behind it, a bookshelf full of books on healing and romance novels was at the foot of the bed with an puff in front of it against the wall.

some paintings decorated the walls, several faelights lit up the small bedroom, and a desk was on the wall opposite the bed with a mirror on its side. 

what also didn't go unnoticed by eris was the pile of parchments you had on your desk.

"what's all this?" he asked as he pointed to it.

your eyes followed his finger, and you noticed  that the pile was now higher than yesterday 'madja must have added the ones that arrived this morning', you thought. 

they were letters from your friends. the ones they've been sending since you left illyria and have been avoiding them.

every day, new letters arrive — letters that you didn't even bother opening, let alone reading, so you collected them on top of your desk.

why? you still didn't know.

there was a morning when a letter signed by azriel was on the carpet at the entrance of your house — that one went right to the fireplace.  

with a shrug, you simply said "trash" and picked them all up and placed them in the trash can before leaning against your desk while eris sat on your bed. 

"you look different." the male's voice filled the bedroom.

"what do you mean?"

it was eris's turn to shrug before continuing, "you seem more. . .free." 

you chuckled, and as you ran a hand down your dress, you said, "i feel like that." 

there was a moment of silence, and you watched the heir as he looked at one of the paintings next to your bed.

your eyes fell on his body again, and with a thought coming to your mind, a feline look and smile took over your face. 

noticing the way you were looking at him, eris leaned on his forearms and shot you a bold smile. "what is that little head of yours thinking about?"

you laughed at his words, and as you approached him, you rested your hands on his thighs. "i have a question."

his smile grew even wider, and one of his eyebrows rose, and you took that gesture as your cue to continue.

your hands moved to his chest as you straddled his hips, "i want to know if what everyone says is true."

he placed his hands on your thighs and, in a whisper, asked, "what is?" 

you leaned into his chest and as you brushed aside his hair with your hand, your lips hovered over his ear "that the autumn males have fire in their veins and they also fuck like it." 

eris's body tensed beneath yours at your words, turning his smile into mischief, and the smell of arousal began to fill the small bedroom. 

"it's true." eris straightened up, taking you with him and pushed your hair behind your shoulders.

you intertwined your fingers in his fiery hair, and still in a low voice, you said, "i'm afraid i'm going to need proof," earning a few chuckles from him.

with a kiss on his neck and then another on his shoulder, you whispered, "why don't you show me?"

eris chuckled, and with his hands now on your waist, he murmured, "as you wish, my lady." before connecting his lips with yours. 

•••

several knocks on the front door woke you up the next morning. 

you let out several curse words as you went down the stairs only in underwear while you tried to button the white shirt that you stole from the male who was still sleeping in your bed. 

you only had time to button the last three buttons of the shirt before you reached the door and turned the handle to open it.

"oh, for caudron's sake," you ran a hand over your face before crossing your arms and leaning against the door. "what are you doing here?" 

the high lord of the night court was at your doorstep dressed in his usual black suit with his hands in his pockets.

"good morning to you too." rhys said with a look of indifference at your choice of clothing to open the door. 

 "what are you doing here?" you asked the question again. 

"you missed yesterday's meeting, and as you haven't answered any of our letters, i decided that perhaps it would be better to pay you a personal visit." he finished with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

you ran a hand through your hair again before giving him an irritated look. "and you decided to come. . ." you stretched back to see the clock on the living room table "at seven in the morning?" 

"i went to the clinic, and you weren't there."

"today is my day off." 

he cleared his throat, ignoring the fact that your bra was showing, "why didn't you go yesterday?"

"i've been busy." it was your only answer.

rhys was about to speak again when someone's footsteps coming down the stairs reached both your ears. 

"do you have guests?" 

"she does, and he's really annoyed that you made her get out of bed at this hour." eris said as he stood right behind you in just his boxers. 

one of his hands went to your hip and the other to the door. “good morning, rhysand.” he said with a smile.

"eris." rhysand replied with an mask of indifference, but you knew that deep down, he was surprised to see him with you.

silence hung in the air as the two males looked at each other and you looked between them.  

the high lord broke the silence without taking his eyes of the autumn heir. "what is he doing here?"

with a shrug and an air of amusement, you replied, "eris wanted to see velaris."  

a laugh sounded behind you, and you joined him, and when you noticed the frustrated look of the male in front of you, you couldn't help but ask, "what? you don't like the view?"

"i can't say i do." rhysand answered with his eyes now meeting yours.

"well, that's a shame. maybe next time, think about letting me know you're coming before you show up at my door at seven in the morning." and with a fake smile dancing on your lips, you closed the door in his face. 

•••

madja continued to look at you from moment to moment, trying to understand you as she has been doing in the last few days without success.

you were working at the counter, updating patient charts, and you seemed so normal. It seemed like everything was fine.

but madja knew it was just an illusion.

the atmosphere between you was now stranger after her shift ended early, and she found you with a male on the living room couch a few days ago — not just a male but the heir of autumn.

you laughed at the situation while she didn't think it was that funny. in fact, she thought it was shocking, considering this had never happened before. 

her worry grew with each passing day. 

it was only when a letter from rhysand arrived at the clinic that morning informing that you were to appear at the townhouse for a meeting in the afternoon that the old female's heart relaxed for a moment. 

the high lord also took the time to explain in the letter that if you didn't show up this time, he himself would pick you up and carry you on his shoulder if necessary as this meeting was not optional. 

when you finished reading, you huffed and muttered a small "i'd like to see you try" before crumpling up the piece of parchment and throwing it in the trash can. 

you kept yourself busy at the clinic, and when the time for the meeting approached, you didn't bother finishing your work and going.

you simply continued doing your job and about twenty minutes later, when you returned to the counter, your eyes met violet ones. 

the high lord was now in front of you and with your biggest smile of innocence, you asked him "are you here for an appointment? or maybe you came to pick up some medicine?"  

rhysand faked a smile at your sarcastic comment — apparently you made a lot of those now. 

"where is your red-haired lover?" 

you looked down, and started looking in your pants pockets and when you finished, you met his violet eyes again before saying "not in here." 

The male sighed loudly and in a deep but calm voice said to you "the meeting started twenty minutes ago."

"i know," you said without ever breaking eye contact.

"and can you explain to me why i had to come here?"

with a hand gesturing around the waiting room where multiple patients were, you replied "as you can see i've been very busy. a lot of people don't have the choice to spend the day sitting around doing nothing." you finished by resting your head on your hands, which were on top of the counter. 

rhys furrowed his eyebrows, since when did you talk to someone like that?

at his confused look, you let out a dry laugh and, continued "i have no interest in going to the meeting, so i'm sorry you wasted your time in coming here, rhysand."  

"rhysand?" He asked dumbfounded as he saw you walk away from the counter and grab the next patient's chart before making your way to where a old female was seated.

he wasted no time in following you "since when do you call me by my full name?" 

you were quick to mutter "since you came here to be a pain in my ass" in response. 

and this was enough of a reality check to make the male stop in his tracks. rhys had received a letter from your aunt a few days ago informing him that you were different but he discard it since the events of that night were still recent. 

but now that he allowed himself to really look at you — he saw all the signs. not only in the way you were acting but also in your clothes.

you were always a warm and happy person and you reflected that in the clothes you wore with light and vivid colors. 

normally you always wore dresses or a skirt with a top as the days at the clinic required you to walk from one side to the other and that way you were more comfortable as you had explained once when cassian commented that you always looked like a princess. 

but now? now it seemed like the princess had been replaced by an evil queen.

leather pants covered your legs while a black strappy top was on your torso tucked into your pants and held up by a belt with silver details around your waist.

black high heels, eyeliner on your eyes and red lipstick on your lips completed the outfit.

you looked like a completely different person. 

'what the hell happened?' the question echoed through his mind before rhys gently grabbed your arm and turned you around.

he decided at that moment that this could — and would — be talked about later, the important thing now was getting you to the meeting. 

"y/n, we have a meeting to attend. let's go."

"i already told you that-"

before you could finish, rhys took the patient chart from your hands and handed it to a dark-haired healer that was passing by before crouching down and lifting you onto his shoulder with one hand still gripping your arm while the other reached around your legs to hold you. 

"rhysand! are you kidding me?" you said and started swearing as you hit his back with your free hand.

on your way out, both of you passed by madja and rhys assured her that he would bring you back home in a few hours.

the old healer felt more at ease knowing that you would be safe with your friends and despite the worry that filled her heart, she couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the sight of you on the high lord's shoulder. 

maybe this was exactly what you needed — a night out with your friends.

hope replaced some of the worry that she had been carrying these last few days, that after tonight, you would come back happier.

you would come back as the niece she knew.

••• 

"seriously, rhysand? are you going to carry me like this the whole way?" you asked with annoyance in your voice.

"yes," a hint of embarrassment crossed the male's face at the use of his full name. 

several curses were muttered in a low voice as the eyes of the citizens of velaris focused on you and the male who carried you, one of your arms still trapped in his hand. 

some citizens looked curious while others laughed, but they all whispered about the reason for such a view. 

"rhysand, people are looking." you mumble with a pat on his back.

"i know," were his words as he sent smiles and slight waves in the direction of his citizens, as if this were some kind of show — one he was enjoying too much for your taste.

using his daemati powers, rhysand sent a message to his family — a message warning them to prepare themselves.

••• 

"well, this is a new view." you heard cassian's voice when you and rhys finally entered the townhouse's living room.

rhys stopped in front of the couches where his family sat, some of them with drinks in their hands, "sorry it took so long. i had to walk." 

a tap on rhys' back sounded through the room followed by a small murmur of "prick" coming from you. 

"hey!" rhys tried to scold you at the same time you said "does my ass look good from back there?"

rhys sighed loudly, earning a few chuckles from the people in front of him.

they had been talking about rhys's warning before you arrived but they couldn't deny that your actions were funny despite the situation. 

"was this really necessary, rhys?" feyre asked with a small smile gracing her lips.

"believe me, it was." rhys began to gently place you on the ground before rising to his full height again and placing his hands in his pockets. 

you turned to face the rest of your friends and managed to catch the surprise that crossed their eyes when they saw you in your new outfit.

"hello," you greeted them with a slight nod. 

"you're late, girl. did you lose track of time?" amren asked you while drinking from her glass of wine.

"no, i just didn't want to come." you replied before grabbing the glass of whiskey that cassian was passing to rhys and sitting on the couch between nesta and elain. 

nesta turned towards you and said softly, "i've been trying to talk to you these last few days." 

"i've been busy." you said while lookinh away.

nesta furrowed her eyebrows at your behavior. 

she had received rhys's warning just like the others but she really thought things would be different with her.

that even though you were different with the others, you wouldn't be with her and that she would be the person to go through you, just like you did for her a year ago. 

when you saw nesta opening her mouth with the intention of speaking again, you were quick to cut her off "so, are we going to start this meeting or not? since i was dragged here like a sack of potatoes." you mumbled the last part.

the high lord cleared his throat before beginning "i had a meeting with eris the other day. apparently beron allied himself with the human queen briallyn who in turn allied herself with koschei." 

"we need to know beron's plans are with this new alliance and that's exactly what eris is doing. i'm going to meet with him again in two days and that's where you come in, y/n."

at the mention of your name, you looked at the male who was already looking at you. with a raise of your eyebrows, he continued "i need you to come with me to the meeting and read eris. i need to know if he is being honest or not." 

you chuckled "why would he lie?" 

"he has lied before." azriel spoke for the first time since your arrival.

you looked at him with a cold look, and everyone else could have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped when your colorless eyes met his.

"so have you." you didn't hesitate to respond.

you saw him flinch and stared at each other for a few more seconds before he looked away and you continued "so has everyone else in this room. except elain of course. perfect, sweet and innocent elain would never do that."  

you looked at the female with a fake smile and it was at that moment that you realized what was in front of you.

azriel and elain sitting on different sofas far from each other without any kind of physical or visual contact.

as you exchanged glances between the two, a smile began to form on your lips at the realization. 

lifting a finger you gestured between the two of them before trying to express your curiosity "what's wrong with the love birds?"  

when no one responded, it didn't take long for you to speak again. "trouble in paradise? oh, wait. i know. you finally remembered lucien." 

you saw azriel's jaw throbbing in frustration and as you were really enjoying this new view, you decided to continue.

you moved closer to elain and placed your arm around her shoulders before telling her loud enough for everyone to hear, "in my opinion, you should choose lucien. you know that rumor that autumn males have fire in their veins and also fuck like it?"  

you heard rhysand swear in the background, giving you a new smile and encouraging you to continue. "well, it's true. eris proved that to me the other night."  you winked in her direction. 

"y/n," rhysand called you out with his high lord voice. 

"what? it's the truth," you laughed and started to get up to leave.

upon seeing you get up, feyre was quick to gently grab your wrist and turn you towards her, she held your hand with both of her hands and said calmly "did you receive our letters?"

you looked at your joined hands before answering her "i did."

with a slight nod, she asked again "did you read them?" 

you looked at her and when you saw your friend's face, you let your guard down for a second and tried to read her emotions instinctively.

but then a movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention. 

azriel was filling his glass and in sight of the male, you remembered why you did what you did to protect yourself.

for that same reason, you moved away from her touch and with a cold voice you gave her the answer she didn't want to hear.

"no, in fact, i throw them away with the exception of your letter, azriel," you turned to the male who froze in his place with your voice addressing him, "i burned yours." 

and with that you started to make your way to the front door with Rhysand behind you to take you home, just like he had told your aunt, leaving your friends shocked without knowing what to say about this new version of you. 

cassian followed you to the door and stopped you before you could open it. "you never came back to the house of wind."

upon meeting the general's eyes, after your interaction with feyre, you realized for the first time that where affection and love for your friends used to be was now empty. 

"i moved out. i'm living with my aunt again." a shrug accompanied your response. 

"why?" He asked you. 

the truth is that you felt embarrassed. 

embarrassed about that night.

embarrassed that you cried in front of your aunt and your friends.

embarrassed that you fell in love with a male who had no interest in you.

embarrassed that you let a male make you feel this way, that you gave him so much power over your emotions.

embarrassed by how weak you felt. 

but not anymore.

now you feel nothing.

and that's exactly how you wanted it. 

you didn't bother to answer him before turning your back on him and disappearing into the darkness of the night with rhys by your side.

••• 

the office door opened softly letting the light of the faelights fill the hallway. 

feyre slipped inside before spotting her mate standing in front of the desk with a book that by the looks of it must be very old as he inspected the pages.

"what is that?" feyre's voice echoed through the silent office, making her mate's violet eyes meet her light blue ones.

"it's a book about rare powers, it has several chapters about empaths. i borrowed it from helion after y/n came to the house." he explained with his eyes returning to the yellow pages.

feyre laughed lightly as she recalled how her friend had arrived at the residence. "you mean when you had to carry her here?"

rhys tried to laugh but a weak smile was all he could muster. the small gesture did not go unnoticed by the high lady, nor did the concern on the male's face.

"you're worried about her, aren't you?"

with a long sigh, rhys stood up to his full height and faced his wife, "very, something happened to her and we don't know what," as he crossed his arms over his chest, he leaned against the wall before continuing "she's different, she's insensitive and arrogant. that's not our y/n."

the last sentence made feyre's heart tighten a little — she felt it too. they all did and they all missed their friend. 

"did you notice the way she looked at azriel?" feyre asked, when she saw how you looked at the male, she thanked to the mother that she wasn't the one on the receiving end of it "it was like she never felt anything for him, like she hated him. It was scary actually."

rhys's eyes widened as the realization made its way through his mind. "like she didn't feel. . ." he muttered softly and approached the book again.

confused, the female approached the desk trying to figure out what Rhys had just realized, as he started flipping through the pages faster and faster.

feyre was surprised the pages didn't tear considering how old they were and how quickly they were being flipped through. 

"rhys?" 

the high lord stopped at a page and after reading it and rereading it several times, feyre heard his heart starting to race.

very slowly, rhys raised his head to meet his mate's eyes and with a low voice he finally revealed the reason for his reaction. "she turned them off."

"what?" 

his heart started to beat even faster "her emotions. she turned them off," rhys ran a hand through his hair making it even more uneven, "y/n turned off her emotions."

shock began to course through the high lady's body and she didn't hide it when she was invaded by it. "is that possible?"

at her question, rhys turned the book towards her and let her read the information he was still trying to process.

everything started to make sense.

"the way she talks, her clothes and the fact that she doesn't care about anything. . .all of this because-"

"because she doesn't feel anything." rhys completed for her.

as he opened his mouth to speak again, several knocks on the wooden office door interrupted him.

clearing his voice, rhys gave the order for the person behind the door to enter. 

it was quite late, with most of their family having gone to their respective rooms a few hours ago, but the couple couldn't hide their surprise when the person knocking on the door turned out to be Nuala.

"nuala? is everything okay?" feyre asked.

the half-wraith stepped forward and without revealing anything in her features, she replied "i'm not sure, high lady. i came to inform you that lady madja is in the living room and has asked to speak to the inner circle immediately."

even more confused than before, they both questioned why would madja be here in the middle of the night.

nuala continued "lady madja said it was urgent. it's about y/n."

at the mention of your name, two sets of chills went down the couple's spines and rhys was quick to give nuala a new order "wake everyone up." 

••• 

the inner circle met in the living room with madja among them.

rhys proceeded to explain what he had discovered about you just moments ago.

the book now sat on the old healer's lap as she reread what her niece had done with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

madja knew something was wrong with you but she would never have guessed that this was the reason behind it. 

"so, she doesn't feel anything?" nesta asked. 

if this matter had been about anyone else, she wouldn't have bothered to show her sadness but you weren't anyone else.

you were her best friend — her sister.

"yes," feyre said with a lump in her throat.

the room fell silent as everyone tried to process this new information. 

in the corner of the sofa, cassian blamed himself for not having noticed sooner and not having done anything to help.

elain kept looking around the room with the feeling she was being judged and azriel was rethinking all the signs you had given him that he hadn't noticed.

"it's no one's fault," rhys' voice caught their attention but his attention was only on cassian, "we had no way of knowing this without that book we wouldn't even know this was possible."

the general hadn't even realized that his shields were down but his brother's words brought him comfort. 

"what do we do?" mor spoke for the first time since entering the room "how do we get her back?"

hurt flashed across rhys's face and before he could respond, madja did it for him. "we can't," all eyes turned to her and for the first time since they had known the healer, they saw her cry.

"y/n is the only one who can turn her emotions back on. it's up to her and only her," with new tears falling down her cheeks she concluded, "there's nothing we can do." 

feyre placed a hand on the old female's shoulder. "i'm so sorry, madja." 

madja let out a long sigh and before she could hesitate any further she said "that's not all. there's a reason i came here tonight."

"what do you mean?" cassian asked.

"y/n's personality isn't the only thing that has changed."

the room became tense and several breaths were held.

"what's that supposed to mean?" amren asked and if madja knew her better, she would have sworn she had just heard a hint of fear in amren's voice.

"i've been trying to figure out why for several days but this. . ." she pointed to the book, "this explains everything."

with all eyes focused on her, the old healer begin to explain "a few days ago i put y/n to treat a boy's knee. she grabbed one of his leg and when she put it down there was a bruise in the same place her hand was. she assumed she just hadn't seen the bruise before but that was because the boy didn't have any. i was the one who sat that boy in the chair and the only thing he had was the wound on his knee and nothing else. i would have noticed the bruise if he had it." 

"what are you trying to say, madja?" rhys asked, he could feel that with every word the old female spoke, everyone became more nervous. 

"after the boy," madja continued, "she attended to a male who had ingested a poisonous plant by mistake. when she used her magic to heal him, he started spitting blood from his mouth and became very pale. y/n thought that the poison was stronger than she thought but when i came to help the male. . .i managed to cure him without any problems." 

"madja, what are-" nesta tried to ask.

"i think. . .," madja ran a hand through her black hair, "i think when she turned off her emotions, i think it affected her powers too. when I saw her trying to heal that male, her powers weren't emitted by a white light like all healers." 

mor's voice shook as she asked "what was it?"

madja stared at the blonde female before telling her "darkness."   

several curse words passed through the room, increasing the tension that was already in the air.

"i think y/n gave the boy that bruise and i think when she tried to take the poison out of the male. . .i think she ended up spreading it." 

"over the next few days, each time y/n used her powers to heal the patients. . .they all got worse. eventually, i had to put her to work behind the counter so she couldn't hurt anyone else."

this new revelation of your powers only made a bad situation even worse and much, much more dangerous.

it is already quite dangerous for a person not to be able to feel anything as this means that they cannot distinguish right from wrong just as they cannot understand when to stop but to have their powers changed?

amren set down her glass of wine before speaking "if you think about it it makes sense," she began drawing all the attention to her "when she turned off her emotions, she turned off everything that was a part of her, including her own person."  

"what does this mean?" nesta asked with fear on her face not only for what this could mean but also for you. 

azriel was the first to realize with amren's words being the last piece of the puzzle he needed  "mother help us. madja, you're not trying to say that y/n is now a. . ."

the male couldn't find the strength to finish his sentence but it wasn't long before cassian continued where he left.

"a what?" he asked, eyes bouncing between his brother and the healer. "she's a what?" 

with a long sigh, madja said "y/n is no longer a healer."

no one was prepared for madja's next words.

they didn't know what to expect when she came to their house in the middle of the night but they never would have thought of this turn of events.

they would never have guessed that their friend's pain was so deep that it would cause this to happen. 

"y/n is a necromancer." 

a/n: thank you for reading!

[masterlist]

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*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because I couldn't find your blog.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

[pathologicalreid]

heyyy!!! I just wanted to say I really love your work and this is my first time sending a request so sorry if it’s not very specific 😭💕

If you’re still doing requests, I was wondering if you could do a fem reader x Spencer Reid where it’s similar to your cryptic pregnancy one, except Spencer is at home with her when she’s in labour without realising, and she’s just in a lot of pain and it all of a sudden gets worse and she’s just in the bathroom shouting for Spencer, he comes in and eventually works out what’s going on, readers sort of in denial? Maybe the ambulance doesn’t get there in time so Spencer has to help her give birth? Lots of fluff and hurt/comfort :)

Also completely fine if your not comfortable doing it, but again really love your work and hope you have a great day 💕 :)

three's a family | S.R.

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff content warnings: cryptic pregnancy, traumatic birth, precipitous labor, hospitals, medical inaccuracy (its just me and google against the world), takes place after 9x7 "gatekeeper", surgery, near death experiences, periods, home birth word count: 3.16k a/n: anon i'll be so honest with u i wasn't sure if i was gonna write this but then i learned what precipitous labor was and i was like "i would not wish this on my worst enemy... i'm going to force it on y/n" BUT please keep in mind that there is a .000012 probability of this happening to you (i did the math) this is the wildest thing ive written to date i think

“I’m going to try a bath,” you murmured over to Spencer, wincing as you dragged yourself out of bed, walking at a turtle’s pace to the bathroom, hoping the warm water would soothe the cramps away.

Your period came and went as it pleased; it was just your luck that it decided to give you debilitating cramps on your one day off. Padding on the tile floor behind you, Spencer leaned against the doorframe to the bathroom, “I could run to the store and get a new heating pad.”

Sticking your hand under the tap to check the temperature, you plugged the drain once you found it to be satisfactory. You shook your head, “No, it’s fine.” Your original heating pad must’ve gotten lost somewhere in the depths of your storage closet, but you didn’t have the patience to look for it. You could manage just fine without it.

“Will you let me know if you need anything?” He asked, leaning forward to press a comforting kiss to your forehead.

Nodding, you hooked your thumbs in the waistband of your pajama pants and pulled them down, watching as Spencer pointedly flicked the bathroom fan on – something you often forgot to do.

You lasted about thirty minutes in the bath, not only was the water beginning to grow lukewarm, but if anything, your cramps were getting worse while submerged in the water. Grunting, you reached over and tugged the plug from the drain, watching as the water drained, you managed to pull yourself to a squat before you felt stuck.

Aunt Flo really had it out for you this month.

Burying your face in your hands you accepted defeat and called out for Spencer, reaching up and trying to stand again, but only succeeding in knocking over several shampoo bottles. “Spence!” You tried again, white-knuckling the edge of the bathtub as you bowed your head. A creeping feeling that this wasn’t your period was beginning to rise.

You listened as your husband made his way up the stairs, turning the corner into your room, and opening the door to the ensuite. Moving quickly, Spencer dropped to a crouch in front of you, cupping your pained face in his hands, “I don’t think this is your period, angel.”

Clamping your lips together to prevent yourself from crying out, you simply nodded in response. How awful was it that you were going to die, naked, in your bathtub?

Spencer wiped tears away from under your eyes – you hadn’t even realized you started crying. “What does it feel like, darling? What else could it be?” He asked, voice urgent but gentle as he tried to stop you from panicking.

As you shook your head, you couldn’t focus on anything else besides your breathing as another pain rose up through you. “It’s like a cramp, but with more pressure,” you said, depending on the bathtub and Spencer to keep you upright as your legs shook beneath you. “Like something’s pushing on me, kind of like I have to shit.”

Reaching behind him, Spencer dug through one of the drawers in the bathroom vanity before retrieving the handheld mirror that you used when you cut his hair. Before you could ask what he was doing, he placed the mirror at the bottom of the tub, just beneath you. “I think you’re in labor,” he announced, breaking the news to you.

“There’s no– fuck,” your voice broke off as you dropped your head onto Spencer’s shoulder, breathing through what was apparently a contraction. “I’m not pregnant,” you insisted as your symptoms started to make sense. You had been in labor all morning.

Nodding to himself, Spencer quickly kissed your cheek before standing up and making sure you were stable before stepping to the side.

You frowned as you looked up at him, “Where are you going?”

He didn’t go far, opening the linen closet and piling towels into his arms, “I’m getting towels to put in the tub beneath you, and then I’m going to call an ambulance.”

“You want me to give birth in our bathtub?” You asked, furrowing your brows quizzically before letting out a low whine as another contraction hit.

Stopping what he was doing, Spencer dropped down to you, running the flat of his palm up and down your back as he gently reminded you to breathe. “Did you want to change positions?”

Immediately, you shook your head. You already had an insurmountable task ahead of you and you saw no reason to add to that task by trying to move. “This is fine. Squatting is good, right?”

Nodding assuredly, Spencer smoothed your hair away from your face, “Gravity can help the baby descend the birth canal, and some people even say that the position can increase the pelvic diameter.”

While you were currently less concerned with the diameter of your pelvis and more concerned with feeling like your body was being split open, you continued going through the motions as he called for an ambulance, trying to explain the situation to the dispatcher.

“Have you been timing your contractions?” Spencer asked, tilting his head at you curiously as the dispatcher spoke on the phone.

Releasing a groan, you gripped the ledge of the tub, “I didn’t know they were contractions!”

Relaying that information over the phone, Spencer dropped to his knees in front of you, “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll take care of it.” He continued to reassure you, taking one look at your desperate expression before ending the call with the dispatcher.

He understood that you were vulnerable right now, and you didn’t want that broadcasted to a stranger on the phone. If you weren’t so preoccupied with remembering to breathe, you’d be more grateful. After a contraction ebbed away, Spencer stood up.

“I have to go unlock the door for the paramedics,” he told you, keeping a wary eye on you. “I’ll be right back,” he comforted you as he took one last look at you before tearing out of the bathroom.

In record speed, he returned to the bathroom as promised, “It’s bad,” you cried, the pressure on your pelvis becoming insufferable.

Crouching in front of you, Spencer studied your face before he spoke carefully, “I have to check your cervix.”

Despite his carefully chosen words, your lips still parted in shock, “You have to what?”

“I’ll use my hand to measure how dilated you are, and then… we’ll go from there,” he told you, nodding almost imperceptibly. At this point, you weren’t sure who he was trying to reassure – you or him. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” you answered instantly, “indefinitely.”

You bit down on your lip as you let Spencer check you, understanding entirely why people choose to get epidurals – this was horribly uncomfortable. “On the next contraction, you need to push, okay?”

For just a moment, your breathing faltered as your scared eyes met his, “Spence, wait,” you pleaded.

Smoothing your hair back, your husband did everything he could to comfort you, “What is it, love?” He asked, his voice soft.

“I’m scared,” you confessed, voice cracking ever so slightly as tears flooded your lash line.

He leaned forward to gently kiss your lips before pulling away to press his forehead to yours, "I've got you. You're going to be fine. You're both going to be fine."

You could see his carotid pounding, and somehow the fact that he was secretly as scared as you was more comforting than the words that came from his mouth. As you pushed, you focused on everything that Spencer was saying instead of the pain. Don’t push for more than eight seconds. Remember to breathe. Your body will know what to do. I love you. I love you. I love you.

By the time Spencer was saying something about the head, your hearing had gone muffled. “You’re doing so well, baby,” you made out his voice and nodded dazedly. “You’re wonderful. I’m so proud of you – just a little more,” he cajoled.

Taking a moment to breathe, your ears and eyes focused as shaky breaths filled your lungs.

“I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful,” he murmured, dropping a kiss on your bare shoulder as he comforted you, continuing to keep you upright.

You shook your head, sniffling as your eyes screwed shut, “You’re perfect. Don’t stop. Keep talking,” you begged, needing something to focus on other than the pain.

“There’s about a point zero four percent chance of you getting pregnant and not finding out until you’re in labor,” he told you, hoping that the information would help you wrap your head around what was happening to you. “One to three in one hundred people have a precipitous labor,” he continued to speak as you pushed, and you wondered what the odds of you squeezing his hand so hard that you did damage were.

Against your better judgment, you looked down to check your progress, “Holy fuck,” you said breathlessly. You weren’t entirely clueless, you knew that once you got past the shoulders the remaining pushes would be easier. You also found yourself grateful that Spencer knew what he was doing – this was, after all, the second baby he had delivered.

You bore down, determined to get the baby out while Spencer untangled your hands, bringing his own down to catch the baby. Out of breath, you panted heavily as you started to feel lightheaded. “Done,” Spencer said quickly, “it’s done. I have him.”

Carefully, Spencer held the baby along the length of his forearm, rubbing the tiny newborn’s back. “Come on, come on, come on,” he muttered under his breath, and it dawned on you that the baby wasn’t crying.

At the realization, your legs finally gave out from beneath you, watching with wide eyes as Spencer tried to clear your son’s lungs. White hot tears streamed down your face as you whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” You took a gasping breath as you silently pleaded for a cry, “I didn’t know,” you sobbed, guilt building a pit in your stomach.

With bleary eyes, you looked on as the baby finally spluttered and let out a wail. “There you go,” Spencer cooed softly, his own voice stiff with emotion as he cradled the baby and handed him off to you.

You were still sobbing as you held the baby to your chest, “I’m so sorry,” you continued to babble, watching as Spencer briefly disappeared into the bedroom before returning with a blanket and wrapping it around the both of you. While holding the baby, your vision started to blur around the edges.

Watching you intently, Spencer cupped your face in his hands, “I love you.”

Nodding, your face crumpled before you responded, “I love you too.”

When the paramedics announced themselves, Spencer called out for them, not wanting to leave your side. The two of you focused your attention on the wriggling baby in your arms.

He was premature – too little to stay with you in the recovery room. The NICU doctor had estimated that he was born at approximately 32 weeks, meaning he’d likely need to spend a few weeks in intensive care. “I want to see him,” you said insistently, looking over as Spencer as he fussed over you.

“You just had abdominal surgery,” Spencer responded simply, as if that was meant to clarify everything for you. He continued fluffing your pillow, which wasn’t entirely productive considering you were lying on the pillow.

As it turned out, you had experienced what was called a precipitous birth, or a rapid birth. It tended to be dangerous, and the fact that you did it in your bathtub only heightened that danger. You reached your arm out for Spencer, “c’mere,” you muttered, trying to get him to stop fretting. “Did you listen to anything that the doctor just said?”

Spencer nodded in understanding, “Lots of rest, no physical exertion, IV medication for now-“

“Did you hear the part where he said I was going to be okay?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him curiously, you watched as he took your hand in his and sat on the edge of your bed. “I’m going to be fine,” your voice was determined, you had a few small incisions on your abdomen from the surgery to repair a tear in your uterus. “Thank you for looking after me,” you whispered.

Your husband gently smoothed your hair back from your face, “I should’ve noticed it sooner.”

Using all of your strength, you squeezed his hand comfortingly, “You were incredible,” you assured him. “If it weren’t for you, neither of us would’ve made it.”

He shook his head, “Don’t say that.”

Raising your eyebrows, you cocked your head to the side, “It’s true. I couldn’t have done it on my own, I’m so, so thankful for you, my love.” 

You had passed out in the ambulance as a direct result of blood loss, so you were brought to a trauma bay as soon as you made it to the hospital. Once they were in the ER, the baby was taken to the NICU, leaving Spencer with a lot of decisions to make.

When you woke up in the recovery room, the first thing you did was ask about the baby.

Spencer, of course, had been up to see him. The nurses claimed he seemed like a fighter, and Spencer knew the survival odds of a 32-weeker, so he turned his attention to you. Every other option had already failed, so the next option was a laparoscopy. Your husband admitted that while it seemed extreme, the very last choice was a hysterectomy, and he didn’t want to make that decision.

Furrowing your brows, “When can I see the baby?” You asked, not entirely sure how to refer to the infant just yet. It wasn’t until then that you realized you needed to name him at some point – your son.

“Once your blood pressure goes up,” Spencer told you with an authoritative tone. “You lost a lot of blood in the ambulance, but the blood transfusions will bring your blood pressure back up.”

Tilting your head to the side, you glared at your husband, “And is this rule from a doctor with a medical degree or a doctor whose name is on my marriage certificate?”

In response, Spencer shrugged, sitting in the beige armchair at the side of your bed, “That’s a secret I’ll never tell.”

You rolled your eyes dismissively, “Will you go see him?”

He leaned over the edge of your bed, taking your hand in his. “I can, will you be alright on your own?”

Nodding almost imperceptibly, you squeezed his hand affectionately, “I just don’t want him to be alone.” You whispered as tears pricked your eyes, you took your free hand and waved at your face, “god, what’s wrong with me?”

“A sudden drop of estrogen and progesterone immediately following birth causes mood swings. Nothing is wrong with you, your body is acting naturally,” Spencer explained patiently, dropping a gentle kiss on your lips.

You sighed before melting back into your pillows, “At least something about this feels natural,” you responded. Your brain felt like a spinning top, while your body felt like you were being weighed down by an elephant in a commercial for COPD medication.

The fact that the NICU nurse informed you that your son had a ninety-five percent chance of living a completely normal life did nothing to calm your nerves. He’d have to stay in the NICU for a few weeks and you tried to convince yourself that the extra time to prepare for him to come home would be good for you, but the idea of leaving him alone at the hospital – save for a small army of doctors and nurses – put a pit of dread in your chest.

Spencer had the forethought to warn you about the tubes and wires that he was hooked up to, ranging from oxygen to a feeding tube. “He’s been undergoing red light therapy to be treated for jaundice, but you can hold him for a while if you want to,” the nurse told you, leading the both of you through the NICU as Spencer steered your wheelchair through the hospital.

Your breathing hitched when you finally saw him, this tiny stowaway that had been growing inside of you for the last several months, and he was just so little. While you were still in your own room, you had convinced yourself that you’d hold him, but now you weren’t so convinced.

According to the sign in his room, he weighed three pounds and ten ounces and was sixteen inches long. He was sound asleep in an incubator, a small hat on top of his head, “Spence,” you breathed.

Behind you, your husband placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “I know.”

“Did you want to hold him?” The nurse asked you gently, looking over at one of the machines that he was hooked up to.

Genuinely, you didn’t know. “Is… is that okay?” You asked, wiping your sweaty palms on the blanket draped across your legs.

The nurse gave you a knowing look, “Even better than okay, it’ll be good for him to have that kind of contact from both of his parents.”

Frowning, you watched as it took two nurses to break him out of his acrylic prison before they carefully placed him on your chest, making sure you were okay before they stepped back. Your movements were stiff at first, you had never held a baby this small before, but you eventually remembered to breathe and gently cooed at the baby in your arms.

Spencer crouched down next to you and started to ask the nurse a bunch of questions that he had likely been holding in for hours, but you just kept your eyes on the sleeping baby. He was too small to open his eyes, but everyone assured you that he’d get there.

The nurse stepped out to give you some privacy, leaving the door open just in case you needed something, “This doesn’t seem quite as difficult while I’m holding him.” You knew there was a steep learning curve ahead, but with a newborn on your chest, the pit in your heart dissipated.

“That’s called oxytocin,” Spencer said, sitting in a chair, eyes fixated on the infant in your arms.

Humming, you skimmed the pad of your thumb across your son’s tiny back, “He looks like you,” you observed quietly, they had the same nose.

Your husband smiled softly, “You can’t possibly tell which parent he takes after yet,” he informed you.

“And yet, I know he looks like you,” you insisted softly, and Spencer didn’t push back. “You look like your daddy,” you whispered to the baby, “he was the first one to hold you, you know?” You looked over at Spencer, “he’s been my superhero for four years, and now he gets to be yours too.”

[motthe]

Married+jayce viktor, visit relatives +she/her reader?

warnings: crazy aunt shenanigans, nsfw jokes

With a deep breath, you turned to your husbands and gave them one last glance over. You were quick to straighten Jayce’s tie—a matching candy red to Viktor’s turtleneck.

“Darling,” chuckled Jayce, knuckles coming up to nudge your chin and raise your eyes to his, “you’re preening again.”

“I know,” you muttered, swallowing. “I’m sorry, I’m just—”

“We can always turn around,” Viktor coerced. His hand at your back was a welcome touch. “We’ve not reached the door. There’s still time.”

“Hey,” Jayce intervened, “holidays are about socializing.”

Viktor pursed his lips as he leaned closer to your ear. “I’ll go for the ankles while you run, dove.”

You chuckled, smacking his chest softly in warning. Jayce just rolled his eyes and leaned over the both of you to knock, sending you into a panic.

“Okay, remember what I told you,” you whispered, looking between both of them. “My family is super accepting, but they’re a bit—“

“We met most of them at the wedding, we know,” Jayce laughed.

“You didn’t meet Great Aunt Lynda,” you squeaked. “She was traveling.”

“Great Aunt Lynda?” Your husbands questioned as the door opened.

“Oh, my sweet girl!” your mother cheered, stepping out into the cold to give you a tight hug. She smelled of freshly cooked gingerbread and flour. She was quick to pull you into the warmth of the house before waving the men in. “Viktor, Jayce! So great to see you both!” They had to lean down for her to kiss their cheeks, leaving you to smile to yourself as you rid yourself of your coat. “How have you all been? I saw the pictures from the honeymoon—just gorgeous!”

Viktor was quick to relieve Jayce of his button up jacket as he moved to you while he traded greetings with your mother.

“Is that my girl?”

“Dad!” you sang, barely able to turn in time before he tugged you into a wrestle of an embrace. He always knocked the breath out of you. “Good to see you,” you choked out.

“Viktor,” he nodded over your shoulder, “how are the gadgets?”

“Nothing has exploded this month,” he replied, pulling a chuckle from your old man before he moved away to shake his hand. “Jayce! How are ya, son?”

You wrapped your arm around Viktor’s, guiding him towards the living room once the jackets were put up.

“I am glad one of us loves to talk,” he mumbled.

“You always get pulled into a conversation with Uncle Jimmy,” you scoffed, smirking as he shrugged.

“He is a very interesting man.”

A zip of movement out of the corner of your eye had you stepping in front of Viktor as the twin toddlers ran full tilt at him. You managed to crouch just in time to take the brunt of it in the chest. There went your breath again.

“You goblins!” you wheezed, shaking them as they giggled. “No running in the house!”

“Rayne, Ron! Get your butts back to the playroom!” came their mother and your cousin. She apologized and said a quick hello before picking up the kids by their waist and carting them off. There was no real anger as their giggles echoed through the room along with more greetings from everyone else.

“Food will be done soon!” your mother announced before shuffling by you with another hug. Jayce was behind you when you turned, waving to everyone. Always the poster man.

“That them?!”

“Dear God,” you sighed, catching the pitchy voice above everyone else.

“Oh,” Viktor said.

“Is that…?” muttered Jayce.

Your great aunt came waddling up, the ugliest holiday sweater known to man on her pudgy form and a light up christmas tree hat.

“Lynda!” you said, stepping forward to hug her but she was quick to shake her hands at you.

“Oh, I know you plenty, lemme see these two hotties you bagged!”

Half the room groaned while the other laughed. Knowing better than to get between Lynda and her interests, you stepped to the side and sent an apologetic look to your husbands.

Viktor, wide eyed and lost, stayed put as Jayce, ever the social bug, stepped forward to introduce himself. Lynda wasted no time in grabbing his hands and pulling him down to her height.

“Strong, chiseled face,” she hummed, patting his cheek, “bet she loves to sit on that, heh.”

“Mother!” another cousin shrieked, clapping a hand over her young teen’s ears.

“Very nice, yes, now,” Lynda turned to Viktor, eyeing him up and down. “Cane. That’s kinky. Lemme hear the accent everyone goes gaga over.”

“I beg your pardon?” he questioned and you couldn’t keep from laughing at the shock on his face.

“Mm-hmm, yep, I see it, hon,” Lynda called to you, wagging a finger. “Knew you were spoiled, but this steals the cake. Two handsome men, God, reminds me of my twenties. Had a whole harem once—“

“Lynda, shut your trap. You know how many kids are running around this place?” came Uncle Jimmy. He shook his head as the woman grumbled and waved an arm at you and your partners. “You guys go and get comfy. Sorry about her.”

Viktor followed you to the couch, Jayce’s “whoa!” snapping the air. You both turned to see Lynda wagging her eyebrows up at him as he held a hand to his ass in affront.

“My God,” Viktor whispered, “you weren’t kidding.”

You hid the rest of your giggles in his chest as you cozied up on the couch.

It was going to be a long, interesting night with your relatives.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Love without lust

Emperor Caracalla x wife!reader

warning : smutish, erection problem, hurt/comfort, kissing, cuddling

Summary : After the festival lots of food and drink was passed around, coins were handed out and bets were placed. Above all, it was also the rhinoceros that had been prepared, Caracalla brushed himself with the special powder...but in the hours afterwards he had to realize lamentably that once again he could not pursue his love and lust even if he wanted to.

info : OMG I knew I had to write this idea after reading the script, but he can't have anything nice without suffering. Have fun reading ;)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A leader had to be strong and successful, he had to be a strategist and always two steps ahead of everyone else, but he also had to be windy who could wrap everyone around his finger just to strike at the right moment.

There were also attributes of kindness and yielding in order not to be rejected in negotiations, as a ruler it was always a fine line between being right and being condemned.

But there were attributes that at least Geta somehow managed to get right, who at least somehow tried to lead Rome for a few years, trying to implement all the knowledge his father had taught him and it all worked somehow, that was the main thing.

Everything worked except his brother Caracalla was not what he was supposed to be from the beginning, too bad, too jittery, not perfect and with his progressing madness it got worse and worse.

He loved his wife, his brother and Dundus, but above all it was his lucid moments that hurt him when he saw what he had done, what he had failed to do, that only hurt him more.

As much as his wife's encouraging words reassured him, if he could just take her hand and enjoy it he felt less bad, ,,My amusement is to see your joy” he had once told her when he had presented a trick with Dundus and her smile had enchanted him.

It had warmed his heart and made his stomach tingle with love and lust, something they would perform in the bedchamber...wouldn't he provide there too.

At first they were hardly noticeable, but they both had a duty to fulfill, an inheritance to be made, and even if the love was there, the emperor's body seemed to belong less and less to him.

As often as he sought out his beloved to make love to her, to make her happy in the light of torches, the more often it was his body that could not and he lay in her arms, ,,It will work out one day,” she tried to comfort him and stroked the blond hair on his head.

Even if their unhappiness boiled over from time to time, an empire like Rome's needs heirs, at least one, and when Geta died Caracalla would not be able to rule alone, not in his condition.

It was an open fact that was told behind closed doors...but this was not to be the case today. A big party was thrown when the new gladiators had fought and the arena fight in particular had pleased many of the elite and especially the emperors, ,,A ravishing celebration my dear” came from the empress's lips as she sat on the couch next to her husband.

Caracalla's broad grin reflected his excitement, there was the best food, gold hung everywhere and the exoticism only seemed to increase, ,,It's to everyone's liking!” she heard Geta say louder and cheers could be heard as her brother-in-law gave her a quick friendly glance.

Before the marriage it had always been Geta who had taken care of his brother, now he had found a helping hand in her and a compassion that meant a lot to him, returning the look she placed her hand on that of her husband.

Blue eyes that glanced hastily from the audience to her became calm for a moment, ,,You like it? Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked more quietly, almost unsure that he couldn't give her everything.

She nodded and leaned in to give him a quick kiss, feeling him cling to her, his answer coming from the woman who meant so much more to him than all of Rome could. So much more than a wife, a mother, a daughter, an aunt, someone to play with, to love, to desire. She was his heart.

The festival progressed and at some point both emperors joined the company themselves, which she did, some merchants had brought the latest fabrics and toys, both things that she and Caracalla both liked, which is why she left her husband's side for a moment.

A moment of which she was unaware of what he was doing, or rather what he hoped to gain from it, when only minutes later all the nobles gathered again in the main hall to attend the gladiatorial fight, during which she held Caracalla's hand to stem the tide of his euphoria.

The fight, the blood, the excitement, all of these things were something he liked more than ever since his illness. He knew that it somehow did him good, but it could also be insidious, which is why she always kept an eye on her darling.

But even when the fight was exciting, the crowd was cheering and even Geta the gladiator was applauding, Caracalla seemed more interested in enjoying himself than in swapping stories, so she left him and only said a few words of appreciation to the “poet” before she was the first to leave to put an end to the last hour of noise, wine and debauchery.

She used this time to occupy herself with embroidery, read books about fertility and tried to find a solution to her husband's problem with the doctors, which was more difficult than she had assumed.

From old writings that were hardly lesbian, to alternative remedies that were more deadly than helpful for her, to the idea that she should sleep with Geta, which was out of the question for her and them.

She knew how hard it was to run an empire and be there for the family at the same time, but she wanted to help if she gave birth to an heir, but it was Caracala's "fault" that it didn't work, because where there was no seed, there could be no child.

Hours that slowly brought the day to an end, she spoke once more with Geta who wanted to consult with the Senate the next morning, Caracalla disappeared into his room and did not take part in the meal - not unusual but disappointing.

The three of them were always calm, not too mad but not too sad either, he was kept happy by her and his brother and now alone, ,,He will find himself...believe me he always does” Geta tried to cheer her up before brother-in-law and sister-in-law wished each other goodnight and disappeared into their respective bedrooms as the moon slowly rose over Rome.

Her own toga already removed and her servants sent away, she wrapped herself in her evening cloak and lay down on the bed, her eyes on the text on the parchment as the crackling of fire from the torches could be heard...until she heard footsteps and only moments later the door to her chamber was pulled open.

,,Caracallas! Is everything all right?” she asked, unsure if anything had happened, which is why he came in so exuberantly, almost jittery, more excited than usual as he let the doors fall shut behind him and ignored her question, heading straight for her bed and leaping towards her.

Hands taking away her parchments and a broad smile that took her by surprise as he engaged her in a hasty kiss, his hands trying to open her robe trembling with overwhelm and her own fingers barely able to stop him.

,,Alive! My love I feel more ready than ever” he finally answered as he broke away from her, a brief moment between them as he looked at her, his blue eyes dilated and she saw the white sweater still lightly on his nose.

What had he taken? The question popped into her head, but when she felt his lips on her neck, nibbling and biting, she knew that whatever it was might lead to a result that pleased them both.

Her hands loosened his own clothes as best they could, he caressed her body, taking in every spot that wasn't covered, and she fell back into the pillows as she enjoyed his touch again.

Her fingers stroked through his blond hair, ,,Such a beautiful boy," she praised him and saw the bright pink waves between the smudged make-up, heard his groan and kissed him once more as he ran his hands over her breasts, massaging them lightly and kissing the warm skin further to her center and she hoped in her increasingly lust-filled mind that it would work.

The love between them had felt this good for a long time and she was almost as excited as she had been on their first night of marriage when he pushed her robe off her thighs and her body was almost completely exposed.

She closed her eyes as she could almost feel him...but when she heard the sudden rustle of fabric and a intake of air, she opened her eyes, slightly confused.

The lust that had just taken hold of him was mixed with panic and fear, blue eyes clouded with tears as he looked down at himself and looked like he was going to cry, ,,Don't...not again...I'm sorry” he couldn't quite form the sentence, he moved away from her avoiding her gaze as she slowly brought clarity back into her own head and straightened her robe.

Carefully crawling over to him, she placed her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace and feeling the tremors as he cried, as tears dripped and makeup smudged, ,,It's okay, I'm not disappointed you know that...it will work out one day,” she assured him as she caught a glimpse of his body.

What was initially a lust, an arousal was now a soft one again despite the drug he must have taken from the party, but Caracalla shook his head and held on to her tightly, only slowly catching her as his words simply turned back into tears.

,,You are an emperor, Caracallas you are my husband, my sweet sweet boy do you understand?” she asked as she took one of his hands to stroke him slowly over the head.

The empress voice cracked slightly as she saw him so hurt again, it hurt to see him like this when he was so full of joy, so full of confidence that he could finally give her a child...that he could finally be a better father of his own and she could finally be a mother who cared for a real child and not him.

Her kisses on his head continued to judge him all around and she slowly let him go, ,,Yes-Yes I understand...I thought it would work, just once more it didn't have to work...our love could have accomplished so much” he slowly let out and repositioned himself.

His head shot to hers in prayer and his blue eyes looked up at the painted ceiling showing the heroics and gods she held out one hand for him to hold onto and her other continued to stroke his head like a mother would, like his mother had done.

She held him there while the torches burned around them and she gradually felt his peace, ,,Our love will reach so much” she assured him saw blue eyes look at her and his smile became confident, he believed her and two hearts beat the same again that night as fear and sorrow were submerged in soft loving kisses and they had a night of safety and above all true love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@cottoncandiescupcakes , @k-yurieee , @somepallings , @abundance-of-fic-reblogs , @artandmusicdubs , @eddie-munsons-mommy , @duck-duck-goose2 , @userchai , @the-a-word-2214 , @sweeteststing , @qardasngan

[theonottsbxtch]

Hello! I would like to ask a Latina reader with bf Max where is Christmas’s and her aunts keeps asking her where the boyfriend at and why she doesn’t have a boyfriend until max shows up and greets everyone, also can we make her cousins fans of f1, can everything be based in Mexico? Please wand thank you, this is my first request and I’m kinda excited, I love your writing! ❤️

MI NOVIO, MAX VERSTAPPEN | MV1

an: nonnie this was such a lovely request, thank you! i hope you like it and i hope i lived up to your standards. it was the first thing i saw when i woke up this morning and i've was slowly working on it throughout the day. i hope that this lets you build the confidence to send more requests through! also all this spanish knowledge is from when i did spanish 5 years ago in school so i apologise if its bad/if the mexican traditions are incorrect!

requests: open

wc: 2.5k

When Max had told you he couldn’t make Christmas you weren’t that upset, at first. But the longer you spent in Mexico while he was in Monaco, the more you were beginning to feel the sadness seep into your bones. 

Walking home arm in arm with your mama after midnight mass, you laid your head on her shoulder, looking up at the stars as they were twinkling in the overhead sky. 

“Hija, when are you going to bring someone home?” Your mama asked, looking down at you. This was the one topic you wanted to avoid this Christmas. While you knew that it was bound to come up, missing Max and the classic yearly conversation weren’t a good mix. Before you could stop them, you could feel the tears line your lower lash line. 

“No sé mama (i don't know mum)” you muttered. You and Max had first started dating about two and a half years ago, but there was a commitment with bringing home, a commitment you weren’t too sure either of you could handle. Bringing home made it almost permanent and while you knew you and Max were going to be permanent. You didn’t if he was ready for that. 

No matter how many times he said he was ready, there was something about introducing him to your family and culture that didn’t sit right with you. To start, he wasn’t Mexican and you weren’t too sure how your mama would react to that. Second, you knew that if you brought him over once, your mama would want him to come all the time and with the schedule he had, you didn't want him to feel forced to do anything he didn’t want to do. 

“Tu hermana, she has Léo. Y tu hermano, he has Rebecca.” She stated, you knew where she was going with this. “I don’t want you to be alone.” 

“I’m okay mama, I promise” you said, looking away from the sky for a second and looking at her, praying she didn’t notice the way your eyes were sparkling. 

“Ay, please don’t think I am forcing you hija. I just want you to be happy.” She rubbed your arm in comfort. 

Just as you opened your mouth to answer, your sister let go of her husband’s arm and came barrelling towards you and your mother. “Mama, please don’t tell me you’re pestering her about a boyfriend again” 

“I am not!” Your mum huffed. 

“You totally were! Leave her alone, mama. She’s happy, she’s working in France. What more could you want?” She chided, unlike you, your elder sister never had a problem with telling your mother the facts as they were. In fact, she was the only one who knew about you and Max. The only one out of your hundreds of family members. Pulling you away, she linked her arm in yours and walked a step further from your mother.

“You’ll have to tell her one day, you know.” She said softly, “you can’t keep hiding him out of fear that he’ll break up with you the minute you show him your family.” 

“I don’t think he’s ready.”

“Have you asked him, I’m sure he’d disagree if you asked.” The way your sister said that made you feel stupid. It was such a simple task, but you didn’t know how to go about it. 

“Look, manita . It’s Christmas. We’re about to have a very long dinner. I miss him and would like it if we stopped talking about him.” You rushed out, it was better said that way. 

Huffing out a dramatic huff, she pushed a piece of hair that had fallen into your eyes away. “Whatever you say, chiquita.” 

By the time you’d reached your family home, the place was bustling with action. From your little cousins running in between the elders legs as they helped set up the table to your grandparents shouting from the sofa in front of their telenovela. 

“Abeula, come eat.” You called out to your grandmother who was slowly getting up from her seat directly in front of the television. 

Before you, the table was covered in a variety of your favourite foods; tamales, buñuelos and romeritos. It was a sight to take in, this was why you didn’t mind the 12 hour flight every christmas. The table has fifteen odd seats that were rapidly filled with all your grandparents, both you parents, two siblings and their partners, and your three elder cousins. Besides the big table, there was a smaller table with six seats for all your little cousins, who themselves were already digging into their food before making their prayer.

At the head of your table, your abuelo linked his hands with either abuelo and abuela on each side and waited for all of you to link hands.”Bendícenos Señor, y bendice estos alimentos que vamos a recibir, y que nunca falte en nuestra mesa el pan de cada día."

Once the prayer was over, you muttered a quick “Gracias a Dios” and tucked into your food. You were surrounded by the sounds of laughter and conversation, but your mind kept wandering to Monaco. To him. It had been weeks since you last saw each other, the time difference making your late-night calls even harder to sustain. You had both promised to make it work over this Christmas period, but the ache in your chest hadn’t lessened. It was always there, especially now, as you sat at this table surrounded by family, feeling like a piece of you was missing.

The food was delicious—the tamales were just as perfect as you remembered, the buñuelos warm and crispy, their sweetness filling the room—but even the familiar flavours couldn’t fully shake the quiet sadness. You poked at the romeritos on your plate, trying to focus on the sounds of your little cousins giggling at their own table, but it was impossible to ignore the empty feeling you were cradling in you. He should be here.

“Are you okay?” your sister whispered beside you, nudging your arm. She always knew when something was off.

“Yeah, just tired,” you mumbled, managing a weak smile. You knew she wasn’t convinced, but thankfully it was believable since it was almost one in the morning.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was loud enough to catch everyone’s attention, and for a moment, the table fell silent, all heads turning toward the front of the house.

Your mamá began to rise from her seat, but your sister shot up faster, her movements quick and purposeful.

“I’ll get it!” she said with a wide grin that you couldn’t quite understand.

Confused, you glanced at her. “Why are you so—?”

“Why don’t you open it?” she interrupted, her eyes sparkling with something mischievous. Before you could protest, she was already pulling you up by the arm, practically dragging you toward the door.

“Manita, what—” You barely had time to question her as you stumbled toward the front of the house, your heart suddenly racing. Your fingers hesitated on the doorknob, a strange sense of nervousness washing over you.

With a deep breath, you twisted the knob, and as the door creaked open, your world stopped.

There he was—Max—standing on the doorstep, dressed in his classic white shirt and jeans, his suitcase at his feet, looking ridiculous compared to you in your nice dress. His face was lit up with the biggest smile you had ever seen, his eyes bright with excitement. The warm Mexican air framed him, but all you could feel was the warmth that flooded your chest the moment your eyes met his.

“Feliz Navidad,” he said softly, his Spanish still as atrocious as when you’d last seen him, his voice full of affection.

For a second, you just stood there, frozen in disbelief. Your mind struggled to catch up with your heart, which was already racing. Max was here. After all those weeks apart, after all the lonely nights spent staring at your phone—he was actually here.

Without another thought, you flung yourself into his arms, tears welling up in your eyes as you buried your face in his chest. The warmth of his embrace was overwhelming, and the scent of his cologne—a familiar mix of cedar and something faintly sweet—was like coming home.

“You’re here,” you whispered, your voice trembling as you clung to him tightly. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

He kissed the top of your head, his arms wrapping securely around you as if he never wanted to let go. “I told you I wouldn’t miss this. I needed to be with you, liefje.”

Tears spilled down your cheeks as you pulled back just enough to look up at him, your hand trembling as you brushed your fingers along his cheek, making sure this wasn’t a dream. He smiled down at you, his eyes full of nothing but love, and you couldn’t help but laugh through the tears.

“I can’t believe you did this,” you said, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I couldn’t wait any longer,” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to be here with you.”

The two of you stood there, wrapped up in each other, for what felt like forever—until you suddenly remembered where you were. Slowly, you pulled away, wiping at your tears as you turned back toward the dining room. Your entire family was staring at the two of you, some with their mouths slightly open, others exchanging curious glances.

Your mamá stood at the head of the table, her arms crossed, her brow furrowed in a mix of surprise and confusion. Your abuelo looked over his glasses at the scene, clearly intrigued, while your little cousins whispered to each other at their table, giggling at the sudden interruption, some looking at you in shock as they recognised him.

Your sister, on the other hand, was beaming like a Cheshire cat, clearly enjoying every second of your flustered reaction. She gave you a subtle thumbs up behind your boyfriend’s back.

Taking a deep breath, you turned to face your family, feeling your cheeks heat up under their curious stares. “Um... everyone,” you began, your voice shaky. “This is mi novio, Max.”

You could see the shock ripple through the room like a wave. The word boyfriend hung in the air, and for a moment, no one said anything. You hadn’t told anyone about him yet, only your sister knew, as of three months ago when she started snooping and realised you were no longer living in France but in Monaco. Your relationship had been something you wanted to keep just for yourself for a little while longer. But now, here he was, standing in the middle of your family’s Christmas dinner, a smile on his face as he awkwardly waved at your relatives.

“I wanted to introduce him sooner,” you continued nervously, glancing at your mamá, who was still looking at him, studying him. “But... surprise?”

The silence stretched for another second before your mamá’s face softened. She slowly approached, eyeing Max from head to toe, and you held your breath, waiting for her reaction.

Finally, she smiled, a warm, genuine smile that made your heart swell. “Bienvenido,” she said, her voice kind as she reached out to embrace him. “Welcome to the family.”

Max looked slightly taken aback but quickly returned the embrace, his smile widening. “Thank you, Señora,” he said, his accent endearing as he stumbled over the Spanish.

Just as your mamá let go of Max, the room settled into a brief moment of quiet. Your abuelo was still smiling warmly at him, your cousins exchanging glances, when suddenly, your little cousin Mateo, the one with the wild mop of curls and boundless energy, jumped up from his seat at the kids’ table.

“¡Espera! (wait!)” Mateo shouted, his eyes wide as saucers, pointing directly at Julien. “¡Lo conozco! (i know him!)”

Everyone turned to look at Mateo, confusion washing over the room. Max raised an eyebrow, half-smiling, clearly unsure of what was happening.

Mateo’s excitement was contagious, and before anyone could say anything, he ran around the big table and skidded to a stop in front of Max, his hands on his hips like a detective who had just solved the case of the century.

“¡Eres tú! ¡Tú eres Max Verstappen! The Formula One driver! I saw you on TV in Abu Dhabi with Papá!” he exclaimed, his voice practically shaking with enthusiasm.

There was a collective intake of breath as everyone slowly started to understand what Mateo was saying. Your abuelo’s eyes widened, and your mamá’s hand flew to her mouth in surprise.

Max chuckled softly, glancing down at Mateo with a grin. “That’s right,” he said, squatting down to Mateo’s level. “You watch Formula One?”

Mateo nodded furiously, his eyes practically sparkling. “I love it! My papá and I watch all the races! You’re so fast! You won the championship!” His words were coming out so quickly, you weren’t sure he was breathing.

Max laughed, the sound warm and genuine. “I did, maybe one day I can show you the trophy!”

Mateo looked up at you, then back at Max, his expression suddenly turning serious. “Wait... you are his girlfriend?” he asked, pointing at you with wide eyes, as if he couldn’t believe his cousin was dating a Formula One World Champion.

You blushed, nodding sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Mateo’s jaw dropped. “No way!” he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. “You never told us you were dating a Formula One driver! Why didn’t you say anything?”

Before you could answer, the room erupted into laughter, your cousins and siblings throwing questions at you all at once.

"How long have you been dating him?"

"Is he as fast in person as he is on TV?"

"Wait, does this mean you get to go to all the races?"

Your mamá, still a bit wide-eyed, looked at Max in awe. “Un piloto de Fórmula Uno... Wow,” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. Then, her expression softened again, a proud smile spreading across her face as she turned to you. "Mira a mi hija, con un piloto famoso." (look at my daughter, with a famous driver.)

Max smiled at your mamá, standing back up and pulling you close to his side. "She’s the real big thing," he said, his arm wrapping protectively around your waist.

Your heart swelled at his words, and you leaned into him, grateful that your family was slowly warming up to the whirlwind surprise.

Mateo, still in shock, tugged on Max’s sleeve, his face beaming with excitement. “Can I get your autograph later? I have all the Formula One cards!”

Max laughed again, ruffling Mateo’s hair. “Of course, mate. Anything for mi amore’s family.”

As Mateo ran back to his seat to excitedly tell the other cousins who his new hero was, the entire room buzzed with energy, the surprise turning into the kind of joyous chaos that only a big family dinner could have. Your abuelo poured another round of drinks, your mamá called for everyone to sit back down and finish the meal, and you couldn’t help but smile as Max pulled your chair out for you, his hand brushing yours as you both returned to the table. Something about the scene felt so domestic that you couldn’t remember why you didn’t want to introduce him in the first place. 

“Feliz Navidad Mi Amor (merry christmas, my love),” you whispered to him as he took in the scene in front of him.

"Vrolijk Kerstfeest schatje. (merry christmas sweetheart)” he replied, placing a soft kiss on your temple.

[strawbeerossi]

Stuffing Stockings

Pairing: Wife!Reader x Husband!Spencer

Description: Spencer and you have been married for ten years with a beautiful six year old daughter. Whenever she gives you her Christmas list, you notice something new on the list and bring it up to your husband.

Content/Warnings: Dad!Spencer, discussions of expanding family, interest in being pregnant/wanting another baby, breeding kink, oral sex (f rec), penetrative sex, mention of failed test and disappointment, happy ending.

Word Count: 3.5K

Merry Christmas, my sweeties! Santa T is giving you a present because of how much I love you all!

“Mama, I have my Christmas list ready!” Matilda announced, a bright smile on her face revealing the front tooth that the tooth fairy had recently come to take. She was a spitting image of Spencer, beautiful honey colored irises and soft brunette curls that framed her face, not to mention her intellect and her determination that no doubt her father had an influence on. 

“Your Christmas list? You’re early,” You smiled fondly as you looked over at the flower filled calendar on the wall closest to the stove, your coffee cup held comfortably between your hands. “Let me hear it, come on!” You urge on, an excited grin on your face. 

You always loved Christmas, however having Matilda just made the holidays so much better. Nothing compared to seeing her excitement whenever you’d place wrapped gifts under your Christmas tree, or when you’d ask her to help you make Christmas treats that her and Spencer would end up eating just days after they were made. 

You wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

“Well. I would like an American Girl doll, Rebecca Rubin to be exact.” Not a surprise. She loved dolls, her father spoiling her with any accessory or set she asked for. “And then I would like some light up sneakers, please. Sam has some at school and I think they are so cool!” She continued. The rest of the things she lifted were usual for a little girl. Until she got to the last thing on that list. 

“And then I want a little brother or sister.” She concluded, a wide grin on your face. The mere suggestion had you nearly choking on the mouthful of coffee, your eyes widening some. “Uncle Luke and aunt Penny said that I have to write it in my list so it happens!” 

Penelope and Luke. Classic. 

“A baby brother or sister?” You repeated, watching those beautiful curls bounce as the kindergartner nodded her head. “You do know that they won’t be here in time for Christmas if that happens, right?” You asked, wanting to break it gently to her that even if she got what she wanted, it would be well past Christmas before she got a sibling. 

“Oh. I know. Babies grow in mommy’s bellies for nine whole months. Which seems like a long time but I think it’ll go by fast! Oh please, mama?! A baby would be cute and cuddly, even whenever they are cranky!” 

The begging was tugging at your heart. She really wanted this, didn’t she? You and Spencer were financially stable enough for you to stay home while he worked with the BAU, not to mention that you both could definitely handle Matilda and a new baby. “You know I have to talk to daddy about this before we make a decision.”

After that, the idea of another baby was stuck in your mind. Your first pregnancy was rough, however you still really did enjoy the process of growing a future scholar who would change the world. Just thinking about it had you reminiscing, especially when it came to being pregnant. You could remember every appointment, the announcement to your friends and families, all the excitement that you and Spencer felt with every heartbeat and every little kick. 

Your husband had gotten home relatively early on a Saturday evening after a long case in Tampa, Florida. He was toeing his shoes off by the front door in an effort to surprise you and Matilda, the two of you unaware he was even coming home today. You were in the kitchen making dinner while your shared daughter was at the table, happily coloring in her new coloring book. 

 It was a blissful sight, the domesticity of it all bringing normalcy to Spencer’s busy and sometimes abnormal feeling life. “You two look peaceful,” He decided to speak up, Matilda quickly turning in her chair to look at her father. With a wide smile and teary eyes, she was quickly leaping from the chair to run into your husband’s expecting arms. “Hi!” He chuckled fondly while kissing her cheek sweetly. 

“I missed you!” She whined out, keeping a tight hold on her father. “I thought you weren’t gonna home until after Christmas!” She added on, making Spencer’s heart drop. He loved his job but he hated being away for what could’ve been weeks at a time. That was the hardest part. 

“Hey, I’m home now and I’m gonna be here for Christmas. I promise. In fact,” He was picking up Matilda while resting her on his hip. “I need to see your Christmas list!” He grinned while bouncing his daughter. “Mama, where’s the list?” Spencer then asked as he turned his attention to you. 

“Oh, mama needs to talk to you about that!” The six year old in his arms perked up, making Spencer look at you with an amused, yet questionable look. 

“Talk to me? About what? Don’t tell me that Tilly wants to get a car or something already.” Spencer teased. A car might’ve been easier convincing depending on how he felt about expanding the family. 

“Not exactly a car,” You laughed a bit while grabbing the list that had been neatly folded and stuck to the fridge with a magnet. “She wants a new American girl doll, a new accessory set to go with said doll, light up sneakers, a dollhouse,” You paused while reading over the last item. “And a baby brother or sister.” 

Spencer felt like the items on the list were easy enough. A doll, some accessories, a dollhouse and sneakers. He could knock that out with just one shopping trip. However whenever he heard the last item, his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “A new brother or sister, huh?” He asked slowly, glancing at the little girl who smiled widely. 

“I know the baby won’t be here for Christmas, daddy.” Matilda just knew by the look in his eyes that he didn’t wanna break the news she’d have to wait for that. Her reassurance had him taking in a breath of relief though. That little girl was too smart for her own good. 

“Well. That’s a big decision. You think you’re ready to be a big sister? Cause babies are a lot of work.” Spencer asked, a smile on his face at her sheer excitement he was entertaining the idea. “They cry a lot. Plus, they always need a lot of attention. That’ll mean that sometimes mama and daddy will be busy with the baby.” He said softly while rubbing her back. 

“I know and it’s okay! Babies need more help because they can’t really eat on their own or go potty in the bathroom, so that’s why you and mommy will need to pay extra attention sometimes. But babies are small and cute! And they always want cuddles!” Now that sounded like something Penelope Garcia would say of course she’d gotten to Matilda about the idea. She was just saying at the office that she was wanting another baby around. 

You offered a smile. “Well, it sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into it, Tilly! You know that me and dad have to talk about it though, as grownups.” You added, although judging by your husband’s wide smile and the twinkle in his eye, he was already sold on the entire Christmas list. Well, maybe this was easier to convince than a new car. 

After dinner and baths were in order, it  wasn’t long before you and Spencer were tucking Matilda into bed for the night. Gently closing the door behind you both, Spencer finally turned his attention to you. “A new baby. Wow..” He brought up the idea immediately, his arms gently wrapping around your waist. “How do you feel about the idea?” 

You smiled, body leaning back against his as you let out a soft hum of content. “Well, at first I was wary. Then the more I thought about it.. The more I really wanted it.” You said softly, head tilting up to face him more. “I mean, I think we’ve got this parenting thing down. Plus, I miss being pregnant and having a baby around. I feel like it’s going to be a positive change for us. Parents of two.”

That was all Spencer needed to hear to have him sold completely. “I agree. We are pretty good at this.” He chuckled a bit while moving to press a kiss to the top of your head. “It’s always fun trying too, huh? Maybe All our practicing will pay off.” He teased, making you laugh as you were playfully hitting his arm. “Hey! I’m just saying what we are both thinking!” He laughed in return. 

The both of you had retired to your bedroom for the night, gently closing the door behind you both. “It’s so good to have you home. I’ve missed you.” You sighed, offering a smile as you were heading over to sit on the edge of your shared bed. “It’s just not the same without you home but I know you have to save the world.” You smiled fondly, watching as your husband was shedding from his clothes. 

“I know, honey. I miss being home with you and Tilly more than anything when I have to be gone.” Spencer expressed his own feelings before heading over to you, kneeling in front of you with a soft smile. “But I’m glad to be home now,” He began, pressing kisses to your legs while getting settled between them. His hands were working on the button of your shorts before tugging them down your legs. “Besides, I’m gonna be here for the holidays and I even took the time off to make sure of it.” He hummed, his kisses moving to your inner thighs. 

“Working on the list early, I see.” You teased, brushing the mop of brunette curls from your husband’s face as he was playfully nipping on your plush inner thigh, lifting his head. 

“Guilty. I feel like this is the most expensive present Tilly is getting.” He teased, the both of you sharing a little giggle before he was going right back to where he started. 

Those kisses ended with your hips being tugged close to the end of the bed, his tongue lapping over your clothed clit. “God, I’ve missed you.” He murmured, hands working to tug your panties down your legs. Spencer was absolutely pleased with the sight of your glistening pussy, mouth salivating at the sight. It had been far too long for his liking. 

“Pretty girl. You look like you’ve missed me too.” He purred, tongue moving to flick over your throbbing bud, only chuckling as you were already clutching his hair. He didn’t make an effort to tease you long, tongue already delving into the warmth of your cunt as he was so focused on drinking every ounce of your essence, taking whatever you had to give him. 

“Spencer, fuck.” You squeaked, legs practically locking around his head to keep him in place as he was too drunk on lapping and sucking at your desperate pussy. The thought of a new baby excited him in more ways than one. 

There was the calm and innocent way that just had him thrilled to have a new baby and expand your beautiful family. Then there was the dirty and not so innocent side of him that knew there would be a lot of nights where he was stuffing your pussy just in an effort to get that positive test. Just the thought of his cum dripping down your trembling thighs was enough to have him hard as a rock, his cock begging for attention while he was so focused on giving you all of his. 

While his tongue feverishly lapped at your wetness, his hands were gripping your hips just a little tighter. Truth be told, Spencer could get off merely from cunnilingus alone. He fed off of your pleasure, the way you would shove his head more into your weeping cunt for more was enough to make his cock twitch in his boxers right now. 

Although even through all the excitement, he was soon pulling away from your pussy much to both of your dissatisfaction. “I feel like I’m gonna cum in my boxers and I’m not wasting what I could be giving you,” He added on, breathing labored as he was quickly getting up to shed his boxers while you were quick to do away with your clothes on your torso, shirt and bra thrown somewhere out of sight and out of mind. 

With one hand tugging at his cock, the other was quickly helping you scoot back on your bed, knowing you’d end up flying off if he dared pull you even just an inch closer from your current spot. 

“Comfortable?” He asked, watching you simply grab his arm to pull him on top of you. You didn’t even mind the feeling of his body crushing you for a split second, you knew that you needed him, now. Spencer was adjusting himself into a more comfortable position on top of you, his hand sliding between your thighs. He collected some of your arousal on his fingers before holding them up to show them off to you. 

You knew what was coming next, your mouth now open as you were waiting for the intrusion of his fingers. He learned it was the easiest way to keep you quiet when you needed to be. As you took the digits in your mouth, you were sucking on his fingers. “There we go.” Spencer praised as he was shifting, now pushing his leaking cock into your pussy with a soft groan. 

“I love you.” He breathed, letting his hips slowly snap against yours just to build you up for what was to come. Your face was contorted in pleasure as you muffled an ‘I love you’ around his fingers in return. 

The thought of you being pregnant was bringing out an animalistic side of your normal gentle husband. He loved seeing you pregnant with your first, it made him feel like he was finally contributing to society in the aspect of bringing another potential genius into the world who would do amazing things. The way you looked swollen with his child filled him with pride. 

It was also a bragging right. Yes, he had your hand in marriage but he also cemented the fact you were his. You were getting filled with his cum, begging him to ravage you the way you deserved. He was the only one who could make you feel good. 

The thought of you being pregnant with his second child was enough to make his thrusts get harder and faster. It was the ultimate act of love to carry his child, to raise a family with him. The ultimate act of intimacy of allowing him to know the pleasures of a family and a successful marriage. 

You were squirming underneath him, eyes rolling to the back of your head as Spencer was all too focused on the images flooding his mind. “I’m gonna cum.” He panted. “You want me to fill you up? Give you a baby? Fuck.” Cursing was pretty rare for Spencer but just the mere slip of a curse word had your pussy clenching around his cock, signaling you were ready as well. 

With a few more sloppy snaps of his thrusts, you could feel the warmth of his spent flooding your cunt, your legs trembling as the sensation was enough to have you reaching your climax. “Fuck.” You panted, your husband’s fingers now being pulled out of your mouth. 

His face was flushed, brunette curls plastered to his sweaty forehead as he looked down at you. “You know, I wish we had this idea before. Christmas is coming up so soon, we won’t even be able to get a positive test for her in time for the holiday if we get lucky after this time.” 

“I think that Tilly is gonna be happy either way, to be fairly honest. You should’ve seen the way she looked at me when she was asking for a new sibling. She was so excited.” You recalled, smiling in content as you were slowly, but surely, catching your breath.

With soft eyes, Spencer leaned down to press a sweet kiss against your lips. “I’m really happy she brought it up first. I’ve been wanting another baby for a while but I didn’t want you to feel obligated.” The confession had your hand lightly swatting at your husband’s chest.

“Why didn’t you talk to me before?! I never would’ve felt obligated. I’ve always wanted a big family, you know that.” 

The reassurance had your husband chuckling fondly. “I know, I know. I promise that for the next little Reid, I’ll get to you before our daughter.” He teased, nose nuzzling into your cheek before he was pushing himself out of bed. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, mama.”

—--

It was currently the third week of January, Matilda freshly back in school for the second semester. It was after you dropped Tilly off at school that you were feeling off. You’d been sick the past week or so, mostly just chalking it up to be a bug Matilda seemingly brought home. The more awful you felt, the more you were worrying. Being pregnant wasn’t a problem at all, however the way you would get your hopes up would be.

You’d pushed the idea back for a while, it wasn’t until you were sick for the fifth time that you figured that the test would be better than nothing. You’d only gotten one negative, however with the brain of your husband and his facts about conception, he still gave you some hope.

The sound of the timer going off in the bathroom snapped you out of your thoughts. It was now or never. As you approached the bathroom, you could feel your heart begin to race. If you were pregnant, that would be the best little surprise for your little family. If not, well, you’d at least get to be heartbroken in peace.

Taking in a deep breath and mustering up all of your courage, you were lifting the test from the sink. You felt like you were going to be sick from a mixture of your ailment as well as the nerves. You exhaled the breath you took in seconds before, eyes fixed on the test.

Pregnant.

You nearly fainted, free hand covering your mouth from the surprise. Pregnant, you’re pregnant. Pregnant!!!!

You were thrilled, the test being tucked away in its box before you were hiding it away. You were going to have to show Spencer and Matilda when they got home. You didn’t have the strength to keep it a huge secret and put a surprise together, they needed to know as soon as possible. 

Spencer had gotten to go home early in order to pick up Matilda, something rare that Emily gave him the chance to do considering he was away so much as is. If only those two knew what they were coming home to. 

You were just getting finished with a snack for your daughter whenever you heard the sound of keys jingling in the door. It’s now or never!

“We are home!” The little voice called from the living room, the child taking off her coat and backpack before making sure to hang them up.

“Hi you two.” You offered a smile, pressing a kiss to your daughter’s cheek, followed by a quick peck on your husband’s lips. “Tilly, I have you a snack.” She hummed fondly, watching the little brunette hurry to the table. “You might wanna sit down as well,” You informed your husband, who raised an eyebrow. 

Without question, he’d approached the table before sitting himself down. “Are we in trouble?” He teased, making you roll your eyes fondly.

“No. I just have something I need to tell you both.” You hummed, grabbing the wrapped box from the counter before placing it on the table. “I found this in the closet. It was addressed to you two, I think we forgot it around Christmas.”

“Forgot it? Mama, we never forget presents.” Matilda spoke around a mouthful of apple slices, although her curiosity was piqued as she leaned against the table. “Open it, daddy!” She urged.

As the colorful wrapping paper was peeled away, the male was opening the box. He knew what it was, however he wanted Matilda to have the first big reaction. The minute that the stick was on the table, you could practically see Matilda’s eyes pop out of their sockets from surprise. “Does that say pregnant?!” She asked, looking at her mother with a wide smile. “There’s a baby?!” 

Her excitement made you want to cry your eyes out. “There’s a baby!” You gushed happily. “Now, I still have to go to the doctor because I don’t have specifics just yet,” You began, although your daughter was all too happy to quickly run into your body, arms wrapped around your torso. 

“We are gonna have a baby!!!!”

[stilesmieczyslaw]

Stubborn Longing

*****Minors DNI!! 18+ Only content. *****  Words: 8.5K Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Female Velaryon/Strong reader  Summary: Aemond swore that one day you would be wed. When the time actually came you wanted nothing to do with him and his prejudices. Slowly you remember how close you used to be.  Warnings: Targcest, Sex (P in v), masturbation, grinding, enemies to lovers? Friends to enemies to lovers? Slightly OOC Aemond. Lots of background filler and time jumps before the smut, smut. Loss of Virginity. Slight mention of blood. Fingering One swear word. No use of Y/N (If I miss anything let me know) The author is dyslexic and apologises in advance.  AN: I'm a Daemon girlie. But somehow I've been sucked into Aemond girlie territory. I can't get enough of your beautiful writing and fics... And edits. You're all fantastic and I hope you enjoy. Read my other unrelated fics here

You were the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra Targaryen. Your hair was brown and curly. Your complexion looked nothing like your father's. Yet still you thought nothing of it. You had fond memories of laughing in the gardens with your father. Chasing him around trees and getting dirty, sneaking extra pieces of cake from the dessert table. Your mother would sometimes scold you both but she also encouraged it. If the people at court saw you playing with Ser Laenor then maybe they wouldn't question it.

You also had fond memories of your mother. You didn't understand what was wrong but there were some days, when she thought she was alone where she anxiously played with her fingers, absentmindedly staring into the fire. Tears at her water line but never shed. You silently wandered over to her and put your head on her knee. The first few times shocked her but now she grew accustomed to it. She stroked your hair and you drifted off. You woke again in your room unknowing how you got there.

You don't remember your younger brother Jace being born. He was just always there. But some days he was boring. He just lay there in his bed - which was unfair. Why was he allowed to sleep in mother and father's room while you slept in the next one?

The only other children to play with were your Uncles and Aunt. They had white hair just like your mother, father and grandsire. Your eldest Uncle, Aegon, sometimes would play but sometimes would be dragged away for lessons as he was older than the rest of you. Helaena your Aunt always seemed to prefer the company of bugs. Always finding somehow the biggest. Although custom would say you would spend your time with her. You were of similar ages.

But secretly you'd always spend time with your uncle Aemond. It started off as games you'd play together. Although his mother disapproved of these games. Or more so you. She was worried her son would get too attached to the bastard children. She could not let this happen. But what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. As you got older you'd find yourself alone with Aemond reading books. Both of you wanted to learn. More than what was expected of you. You'd teach each other High Valyrian.

Aemond was your best friend. You'd spend all day with him if you could but he had to learn to fight while you had to learn to be a wife.

"You should be my wife," Aemond said out loud after you had returned from one of your lessons. "Us?" You scoffed. He looked at you offended. "I did not mean it like that." You waved him off. "Your mother hates us being friends. Never mind us being wed." "Well, I was taught a good wife should know her husband. Who knows me better than you." "That is a good point and I wouldn't have to leave Kings Landing." You nodded. "But I'm sure your mother would try to find you someone else anyway." "What if I could convince her?" "You won't." You almost sang looking down at your book.

After the birth of your third brother Joffrey, your mother announced you would not live in Kings Landing anymore. A third child who did not look like her husband. What did it matter? Their father was their father and they all looked like each other. Did white hair matter when inheriting the throne? Apparently, it did. Your mother gathered all of your belongings while you begged her to stay. 

You were to live on Dragonstone. To which you were the heir. You might as well get used to it now. When your mother becomes Queen it will be your home and when your brother becomes king it will remain your home. You went to find Aemond for one final goodbye. You sat in the woods with him, underneath your shared tree. "You'll be back." He said rather confidently. "Will I?" You looked up at the castle. "When we wed." "You are a fool Aemond. But I admire you for it."

With your absence, his mother spoke more freely about your heritage. You were not your father's daughter. Aegon heard the rumours of Ser Harwin Strong. Aegon passed this knowledge to his brother. Aemond wondered how you could be the product of something so wrong. The more he heard it the more he hated it. How dare a bastard be his friend? Poison words enter the heart of a child so easily. 

Your father's sister died and the whole family were called to Driftmark for her final send-off. While you were sad for your father you tried to contain your excitement to see Aemond again. He had stopped replying to your letters. Maybe he was deep into his studies. When you finally saw him after months of missing him you couldn't help but run to him and hug him. His hug was stiff but you ignored that. 

"How is your plan going Aemond? Our marriage." You asked. "I miss Kings Landing." Part of you was joking, the other secretly hoped. You had missed him terribly. "If that's all you miss then maybe we should not get wed." The words were filled with hate. "Oh." You frowned. "It was a childish dream. I see now it does not matter. When I marry it must be for duty." "For what end would our marriage be then?" "It does not matter." He turned away from you.

For the rest of the night, you tried to talk to him again but he avoided you. You searched the castle on Driftmark for him and you found him at the wrong moment. You could hear the shuffling of a fight. You saw your brothers, cousins and Aemond fighting.  "You will die screaming in flames just as your father did...Bastards!"  "Aemond." You gasped. He turned to look at you. Horror in his eyes. He didn't mean for you to hear that. 

Your younger brother Luke took Aemond's moment of distraction to swipe at Aemond with a knife, taking his eye. He did not mean for the injury to be that bad but the past could not be rewritten. You shouted for help while Aemond lay on the floor bleeding. You were pushed away by The King's guard. Aemond's eye was lost and with it your friendship. 

The Queen wanted your brother's eye in return but your mother would never let that happen. But the Queen was determined. Her son lost something, so something must be taken in return. The King had a brilliant idea - Only in his mind. He proclaimed once you came of age. You and Aemond were to be wed. Something which this morning you would have taken with glee. But now you looked at the boy and glared. You hated him and by the look in his remaining eye. He felt the same. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

"Mother." You tried to get her attention. She was rushing around in a panic. "Mother please." "We must prepare for the journey. You are to be wed tomorrow and nothing is ready." "If we do not go then we do not need to be ready." You tried. "Your King demands it, my love." She sighed. "The King... Does not know me. Not anymore." You held your tongue. You had more choice words that you would not utter in front of your mother.

"Your Grandsire was there the moment you were born. The look of happiness in his eyes as he held you for the first time."  "And yet he strives to take my happiness."  "You and Aemond used to be so close. Maybe you can be again." She tried to remain positive. You shook your head.  "No. Not after what he called me. The disrespect to my father. Who won't even be here to see his daughter sold like a..." You bit your tongue again. 

"Sweet girl." Your mother played with your hair. She was nervous. Something was eating at her mind. "You may be husband and wife to the outside walls but you can control what happens behind closed doors. If you do not wish to be with Aemond in private you do not have to be." She didn't say it but you knew what she was saying. You nodded in understanding. 

The flight to Kings Landing wasn't a long one. You were on your dragon silently crying. This would be the last flight you would take with your family for a very long time. Your brothers flew in circles trying to make you laugh. You closed your eyes and listened to their laughter trying to keep it in your memory forever. 

Once landed and your dragon seen to, you looked up at the Castle. It did not look how you remembered. Nor did the people inside. Your Grandsire looked more tired and old than you last saw him. Helaena was the mother of two small children. Aegon looked like he was fighting back a smirk and Aemond... Aemond had grown so tall. His eye patch suited him and he looked at you with distaste. You tried to meet his gaze of fire with your own but you couldn't hold it. You hated it. You hated him. 

The day came and your Mother and Step Father officially gave you to Aemond. Your hands were tied and you uttered words that had no meaning to you. You sealed your marriage with a kiss. You kept your face neutral no matter how much you wanted to scream. The crowd cheered as you walked through them with your husband. 

There was a giant feast in your name. Food from all corners of the seven kingdoms was presented and music played. You found yourself dancing with your brothers. Your new sister Helaena. Even your Stepfather danced with you. Your mother stayed to the side. Her pregnant belly was only a reminder of the life you were going to leave behind. Were you to have a new brother? A sister? Would you know their laughter? Would they know your face? 

The music slowed and the King announced that it was time for you and Aemond to dance before retiring to your marital bed. Aegon laughed loudly. You danced the dance your mother taught you. Move after move. You felt numb. This was the worst night of your life. Whispers filled the room. You ignored them. You knew now why your mother sat and looked into the fire looking sad. But unlike your mother, you would not receive comfort. Not here. 

When you reached Aemond's, no, your chambers... Your blood which was supposed to be made of fire, turned to ice. You did not wish to lay with your now husband. It might have been your duty but you did not wish it. The torment he brought you and your brothers. Calling you Bastards. Your mother said you did not have to, but what if Aemond expected it of you? 

Aemond stood behind you. His beautiful wife. He had wanted this for so long. He knew he had wanted you as his Lady Wife since he was a child. He let his mother's hatred into his head and he had regretted it every day. Not just because he had lost his eye over it but he lost you too. He would never forget the look on your face when he called you a Bastard. The last thing he saw with both eyes. He lost you. 

When he saw you arrive on Dragon back his breath was taken away. You had become a beautiful woman in the years you had spent apart. How he longed to write to you but he knew his letters would go unanswered, just as yours had done those years ago. When he saw you again it only reaffirmed his want of you. But he could tell by the tears running down your face this is not what you wanted. So he hid behind his cold demeanour. One that he was used to, one that people expected of him. 

As much as he desired you, he knew you did not feel the same. His own family did not want him so why would his now wife be any different? He could not remember the last time someone touched him with kindness. Not even a hug. His mind flashed back to when his brother forced a whore onto him and he vowed to never do the same.

He spoke finally, knowing you wouldn't. "I won't touch you. Not unless you ask." "I will not ask. Ever." You replied coldly. You walked off behind the divider to put on your night clothes which had been brought over by the handmaidens. It was difficult to get out of your marital gown but you refused to ask for help. Not from a man who would call you a bastard. Not from a man who claimed you like property. 

Once in your night clothes, you walked straight to the bed. It was freshly made but you could tell by the items surrounding the bed which side Aemond would sleep on and you chose to climb into the opposite side. Not long after Aemond joined you.

It was strange seeing a woman in his bed. He didn't hate you. He remembers only fond memories of your childhood. Times he was bullied by his own brother and yours. You would be there to console him. Make him laugh again. It was foolish to think after all these years you could pick up where you left off. As friends.

He climbed into his side. The both of you almost hung onto the side to ensure neither of you touched the other. You both did not sleep out of fear of doing such. You both were angry and you both were saddened. The following morning continued in silence. Your handmaidens helped you dress. They ignored the lack of maiden's blood on the bedsheets. You trusted them not to gossip but you couldn't be certain of that.

You made your way to break your fast with your family. It was almost like a mini feast again. How any of you still had room after last night you would never know. But you filled your plate with grapes, strawberries and other sweet fruits. Your mother greeted you with a smile and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Aemond watched with jealousy. His mother would never treat any of her children like that. Not even when he lost his eye did she offer comfort. She only wanted revenge. He sat down and loaded his plate with whatever.

"I see the tiredness in your eyes brother. Did you remember where to put it? It has been a long time since you last used it. Surprised it hasn't fallen off with neglect." Aegon very loudly teased. "Aegon!" His mother scolded, looking around with embarrassment. You scooted your chair closer to your mother.

Soon midday came and it was time for your family to leave. Their dragons were saddled and their things packed. Your own dragon looked at them with confusion. Why was she being left behind? It did not help that she could also feel your own emotions of abandonment.

"Mother please." You tried one last time. Tears filling your eyes. Kings Landing had not been your home in years. The last time you lived here your father was still alive. How could you walk the gardens knowing he wasn't here, waiting for you to find him?  "I'm sorry my dear." She shook her head. "It is too late. Your vows were before Gods and King. I can not part you as much as I wish to. Your souls are bound." She gave you one last hug before tending to your brothers making sure they were ready. 

Your Stepfather watched with a frown. Knowing what it was like to be in a forced and unloved marriage. He took your hand. A very rare form of affection from him.  "Say the word and I shall end this marriage for you." He looked into your eyes looking for understanding. You had heard rumours of his first marriage. It was said among court he had killed her.  "Thank you, Uncle." You gave a concerned smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

You watched with tears in your eyes as your family flew away on their dragons. Your dragon roared after them. You patted her neck and hugged her. She is what was left. You did not go to your lord husband for comfort. You did not go to anyone for comfort. You stayed alone. 

Your handmaidens would fetch you food. You didn't want to leave your chambers. Were you acting like a child? Maybe but it felt like your only option. Rumours spread amongst the small folk that the high towers had imprisoned you with shackles.

The King, your Grandsire, would call you to his chambers. You sat in silence. You no longer knew the man in front of you. "I remember." He said very laboured. "You'd sit on my lap and help me build my masterpiece." He gestured to his miniature stone version of Old Valyria. A place neither of you had been. "You'd laugh at my jokes. Tell me Princess, what happened to your smile?"

"I have no reason to smile My King. I miss my family." "Am I not family?" The way he looked at you. An old man trying his hardest to keep his family together. He, just like you missed his family. His daughter, his brother and his grandchildren. He was bound to this place just as much as you were.

"Of course you are... Grandsire." You gave him an honest as possible smile. Far from the sparkle of happiness, he was used to. But better than nothing. "This was once your home, we, your closest friends, allies, confidants. We can be again if you leave your chambers. Walk the castle. Eat with us. Read with the maesters." "Yes, My King." You bowed.

You started off small. You would venture to Helaena's chambers. Eat with her and her children. You played with them and told them stories. They didn't understand your words. But they brought you much comfort in this time. Helaena also seemed to enjoy your company. Or more so did not despise it. Sometimes she would listen to your stories too. You loved the three of them. "Third draw. Left dresser." Helaena would mumble. The first time she said it you thought she was asking for something. But when you showed her everything in the drawer she would shake her head.

Then you would venture to the books and scrolls. Another place of your childhood. Piece by piece you were learning to smile again. At least in public. You still hung onto the edge of your marital bed. Trying to escape without falling.

One particular hot day you realised you could not stay inside. It was time to venture outside. Feel the wind blowing on your face. Picking up your book you followed your feet to your favourite tree. How you would spend hours reading underneath it. How your feet remembered the way while your mind did not, you did not know.

You followed them and gasped when you saw him. Of course. It was his favourite place to read too. While you had left this place he had not. He rolled his eye when he heard someone coming towards him. Normally it was some handmaiden telling him his mother required his attention. He just wished to read in peace.

He looked up and saw you. Book nestled on your hip like it was a babe. His mouth went dry. You remembered the tree?  "I'm sorry my Lord." You gave him a practised bow. "I did not realise someone else would be here. I did not intend to disturb you. I shall take my leave."  "Wait." He called to your quickly retreating back. "You need not leave." You turned to look at him. "The tree is big enough for us both to sit." He gestured to the floor. 

You hesitated. You really did love that tree. The tree never hurt you. In the wind, you could hear Aemond's laughter. His face was void of emotion but you could hear his childhood laughter.  "Yes, My Lord." You finally agreed sitting down. The tree separating you. Neither of you reading but thinking of the other person sitting on the other side. 

You both continued this new tradition for days. Maybe after the second week silence was broken. A squirrel ran past you. You gasped with delight at the tiny creature. You stayed as still as possible to not startle it.  "Aemond." You couldn't help but whisper. It was so quiet he almost didn't hear you. He turned to see what you needed. It must have been dire for you to talk to him after two weeks. He followed your gaze and saw the creature that brought so much light to your eyes. 

He remembered how much you loved the squirrels of the gardens. For one of your name days, he vowed to catch you one but failed to do so. But he enjoyed the laughter he got out of you in the process.  "Shall I catch it for you Princess?" He offered.  "No. I think he shall miss his family if you do. Leave him be." He didn't fail to catch the double meaning of your words. How was he living his dream when you hated him so? 

As more time passed you both found yourselves not sitting on opposite sides of the tree but closer to each other. Even in your bed, you felt more relaxed. You were starting to get used to life again but you still missed your family.

A raven came telling you the news of your new baby brother. Your heart almost burst with happiness and sadness in equal measure. You wished to go to Dragonstone to meet him but you couldn't. You must remain here with your Lord Husband... who must have a quill somewhere in these chambers!

You scrambled around looking for anything to write back to your mother with. Words of congratulations and excitement. But, you could not find anything. You went to his personal bedside dressers. It felt wrong to go in them. These were his personal effects. You would go mad with rage if he looked at your things. But you really needed to write to your mother.

You looked at the two dressers. Left dresser, the third drawer down. You opened the drawer and there was writing equipment but also old pieces of parchment. Curiosity got the better of you. They were your old letters. From when you first moved to Dragonstone. Letters you never got replies to. You laughed at things you once thought so important you needed to tell Aemond.

Beneath your letters, there was one you didn't recognise. You knew the writing, it was Aemonds. The letter was addressed to you but you never got it. He speaks of regret of his words to you on Driftmark. How he wishes to become friends again before you are wed. So many words are scribbled out. If he felt this way why not send it? Maybe you could have worked on something rather than marry in hate. Who knows where your relationship could have been if he had sent this? You borrowed an empty piece of parchment and wrote your letter to your mother. 

"Hello, Aemond." You greeted sitting down beneath the tree. He looked at you puzzled. You never greeted him.  "Princess." He gave a nod of acknowledgement. You almost felt giddy. Even if Aemond wrote that apology letter years ago part of you hoped he still meant it now. You sat in your usual silence but you could not wipe the smile from your face. Aemond opened his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. "What has gotten your spirits up?" You looked at him with a smile. You meant this one. He could see it in your eyes. 

"Mother has given birth to a son. I have another brother. I feel much happiness for her." That and his unsent letter but to tell him that would be admitting you went through his belongings.  "Oh yes. I heard." He nodded. At least this one wasn't likely to be a... He stopped his own thoughts. No. You were his wife. Your parentage did not matter. You had gone back to your reading but he could not get back to his. He couldn't take his eye off your smile. He hoped he could make you smile like that again. 

Another week had passed and you felt yourself become restless again. You had now been in Kings Landing for a handful of months. The Queen still did not speak to you unless she absolutely had to. The King was growing ever weaker. Aegon was a drunken fool. Helaena was sweet but you wanted to do something else. Not sit inside. Not sit and read a book. You thought of your poor dragon. It had been too long since you had seen her. Your one memory of your home on Dragonstone and you had been neglecting her out of selfishness. Today you would take her out. 

But you could not leave the keep without permission. They say it is for your safety but you knew it was to stop you from running away. With a deep breath, you went to find your husband. This time every day he would be training in the courtyard with the knights. You walked to the courtyard where he had amassed a group of people. People always wanted to watch him but you never understood. What was the point in watching the same people fake fight every day at the same time? 

You watched him fight off the knights with ease. Despite only having one eye it did not stop him from having reflexes that could rival 20 knights. His fighting was almost like a dance. Every step calculated. His footwork working side by side with his arms. Sword going exactly where it needed to go. He was sweating and you could see his muscles working. Maybe you could see the point in people watching him fight. 

The fight ended and Aemond fought to catch his breath. In the crowd of people, he saw you. You would only be here if you needed something. He sheathed his sword and made his way over to you. There was something about him breathless and sweaty with his gaze focused on you. It made you feel some strange way. Nothing you had felt before.

"Aemond." You were almost breathless yourself when he was finally in front of you. "I would like to go for a ride." He pulled almost an amused face which was lost on you. "The Dragon keepers say my dragon has grown restless. I need to go for a ride."  "She grows restless. Or yourself?" He mused. "Both. So may I?" "As you wish Princess. But allow me to accompany you."  "Oh no. I wouldn't want to take you from your schedule." You tried to wave him off. 

"A good husband always makes time for his wife. Especially if that request is a ride." He almost smirked again.  "What is so funny?"  "Nothing."  "It's something. I'll get it out of you Aemond Targaryen." You pointed a finger at him like old times. "I'm sure you will." He let out a small chuckle. He went to link his arm with yours to walk you to the Dragon Pit, but remembered his vow. Do not touch. One playful conversation in weeks does not mean that changed.

You got yourself ready for your ride. Making sure that everything was fastened tightly. You hugged your dragon apologising it had been so long. When she put her head on top of yours you couldn't help but think of your mother. She would always be with you.

"Are you ready Princess?" Aemond's voice called out. You looked over and saw him ready to climb onto Vaghar. How he managed to claim her as a boy you would never know. You nodded. You got on your own dragon and urged her forward. She almost ran for the door. Once in the air, you felt free. Freer than you had in a long time. There was nothing but you, your dragon and the air.

Well... and your husband but he was flying lower. You could see for miles. You turned your head in the direction you knew to be Dragonstone. What were they doing? How were Joffrey's lessons going? How faired your mother and the babe? How easy it would be to fly back to them. But you could not. You would bring shame to yourself and your family. 

Aemond watched you. He always found himself thinking back to his childhood with you. How you had a dragon and he did not. How you'd promise him that you could fly together one day. And here you were flying together now. But again it was not how he imagined.

You looked down and almost laughed at how small Aemond looked compared to his dragon. His legs straddling the saddle. The way he used his legs to steer the direction he wanted to go. An image flashed in your mind of him straddling you. You shook your head. Where did that come from? The same feeling from the courtyard entered your mind. That strange feeling. You felt yourself move uncomfortably.

"Are you alright Princess?" Aemond called out to you. "Yes quite well. I must have not ridden in so long my legs grow tired." "Shall we retire?" He suggested. "Yes, I think so." You agreed before returning to the Dragon pit.

"Thank you for today Aemond. I appreciated it. If I ever require your services and a ride." You paused waiting for his reaction. "I'll let you know." You don't know why you did it, but it felt so right. Walking away you made sure to sway your hips more than you usually would.

More days passed and you found yourself watching your husband train from a balcony. Always that feeling came to you. What was it? You changed your posture, your thighs rubbing together and something felt good. You did it again and you had to bite your lip. You excused yourself to your chambers. You lay on your bed rubbing your thighs together and it felt amazing. A knock on the door pulled you from your playing and you felt embarrassed. Whatever that was, it was not fit of a lady.

But still, you could not help yourself. From those days on you would excuse yourself while Aemond trained. He would be gone for a few hours every day and in those hours you explored your body. You found all sorts of spots that made you feel good. One day while touching yourself an image of Aemond popped into your head. You imagined your hands were his and your pleasure doubled. You looked at the door longingly hoping he would come in and find you like this but he never did.

After that, everything he did drove you crazy. Even he slouched on a chair drinking from a goblet you wanted to climb onto his lap. You wanted a ride. You wanted one so badly.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You woke first. All night you had dreams of Aemond touching you. There was an ache between your legs that wouldn't go away. You tried pressing your legs together in hopes of something eliminating the feeling but you couldn't. You couldn't touch yourself with him just there. You wanted him to touch you. All you had to do was ask. But what if he didn't want to anymore? What if he had grown accustomed to your mental absence that he did not wish to be with you? You wouldn't blame him. 

Images of him fighting in the courtyard filled your mind. His skill and passion. How sweaty he sometimes got. The way his hair would stick to his forehead. This wasn't helping you. It was making it worse. He was still sleeping soundly next to you. Maybe if you got a bit closer.

You remained on your side facing away from him. For if he woke up you could claim you moved in your sleep. You backed up slowly. You could still hear his deep breathing meaning he was still asleep. You backed up until you could feel his breath on your neck. It sent shivers down your spine. You still did not touch him, however. Now you waited.

It felt like an eternity but eventually, his deep breaths stopped. You obviously had no idea when he opened his eyes as you were facing away from him and also pretending to sleep. But you did hear his involuntary gasp when he noticed how close you were. He did not make a move to touch you but he also did not shy away.

He looked at your sleeping form. You were so close to him. He looked down and saw each of your curves beneath the sheets. He wanted so badly to run his hand down you. Starting from your shoulders, past your stomach, around your hips and your legs. That is when he noticed. It wasn't even his first thought when he saw you this close but now it was his only thought.

How close your ass was to his crotch. His trousers were already tight with it being morning but even more so now. If only you were a small bit closer then he could feel you pressed against him. He could rub himself on you. Your night shift let his imagination run wild. He clenched his fists to his sides. He promised he wouldn't touch you. Maybe he could sneak away. Deal with himself before you wake up. If you noticed and questioned his absence then maybe he could claim early morning training.

Before he could move you grew bored of this position. He had been awake for several minutes and had not made a move. You commended him for keeping his word but his word was not what you wanted right now. You wanted anything but his word. Keeping up the pretence of sleep you turned so now you were facing him. You wished you could have seen the look of shock on his face. If the view from your behind was anything the front was better.

Your hair was a mess. Soft brown curls were on your pillow and over your face. He remembered others calling you names because of your hair but he now knows it is perfect. It is a part of you. His eye travelled further south and landed on your breasts. The position you were in was pressing them together. His fists were almost shaking with how tightly he kept them to his sides.

He closed his eye and began to talk to himself in his own mind. 'She does not want you. She made that clear. She does not want to be touched by you. She wanted a different husband. A different husband who she would have let touch her. A husband who wasn't you. A husband who would know what she felt like... what she tasted like. Does she know? Does she touch herself when I'm not around? Who does she think of? Some lord? Some stable boy who smiles at her every day?' He grew jealous of his own thoughts and opened his eye to be free of them.

When he did he saw your eyes were open. You were looking at him. You had spotted how close you were and you did not recoil. He could see a hint of anger in your eyes. He should have moved away the moment he got the chance but he couldn't. He was so transfixed on looking at you and now you were angry.

He went to back up from you and you moved closer. This puzzled him. "Aemond." Your voice called to him. Far too awake for someone who woke up less than a minute ago. Unless you weren't asleep. "Yes." He answered like a million thoughts were not running around his head. "Touch me. Please Aemond." You almost begged. He was in shock for a moment. Maybe he was still dreaming. The look in your eyes, wasn't anger, not anymore. Your pupils were dilated. He noticed you rubbing your legs together. This was happening.

"What?" He knew exactly what you had said but he wanted to hear you say it again. "Aemond I would like you to touch me. Please. Touch me." You lifted your hand and ran it down his face. He slowly lifted his own hand and placed it on your waist. His eye closed. He had waited so long for this moment.

You sat up from laying down. His hand fell from your waist. His eye shot open. Surely that couldn't have been what you wanted? For him to touch your waist once and be done. He hadn't upset you, had he? His worrying thoughts were gone the moment you swung your leg around him so now you were straddling him. Your bed shift scrupled around your hips. Your legs bare to the side of you. He was reminded that there was nothing under your shift. The only thing separating the two of you were his own clothes.

You both looked at each other frozen in that moment. You had no experience in this field but something drew you to sit in his lap like this and you were glad you did. You could feel every inch of his outline against you and it felt good. But what now? Aemond saw the look of innocence on your face and almost came right there. With both hands, he held onto your hips and dragged you forward. The noise you made would stick with him forever.

It was a mixture of shock and pleasure. You felt a little embarrassed at it. A lady should not make that noise. Before you could say anything Aemond did it again earning the same noise. It felt so good. Maybe if you just... you dragged your own hips forward without his direction and it felt just as good. "Aemond." You said suddenly not knowing any other words. Any you did know were gone.

He sat up changing the position you were in. His chest was pressed against yours. You looked at him under partially closed eyes. You rocked your hips again and your eyes closed fully at the new sensation. Who knew him just sitting up would feel so different to him lying down?

He called out your name and you looked at him. He pressed his forehead against yours. "Do you want this?" He tried to confirm. "Truly." You nodded. He let out a laugh. "I want to hear you say it." "I want you. I want you so bad Aemond." You almost sounded like you were whining. "I have for a while now. I need you." He smiled at you wickedly before his grip on your waist became like iron before it travelled to cup your ass. From this new position, he ground you against him faster and more forcefully. Your eyes rolled backwards as your jaw dropped open.

He placed kisses on your neck enjoying the sounds you were making. He had dreamt of these sounds but they sounded so much better in real life. He nipped and pulled at your flesh with his teeth. His lips went lower but to his dismay, you were still wearing clothes. While your shift had fallen slightly to reveal your shoulders he wanted more than that.

He lifted his hands from your behind and held the edges of your clothes. He looked at you almost asking for permission. You nodded and he pulled it over your head. Now you were in front of him completely exposed. Your nipples hard and the mess you made on his trousers. Wet from where you had been grinding against him. He was in awe of your beauty. You almost hid yourself away from him but before you could he latched his mouth onto one of your nipples which earned him a brand new sound.

He placed one of his hands back into position getting you to grind on him again while the other played with your other breast. You were his. His wife. And the sounds you were making were his too. "Aemond." You called out to get his attention. He looked at you. His own spit coated his lips. He looked so good right now. Although his hair wasn't stuck to his forehead yet. That is what you wanted.

You took his hand from your breast and guided it between your legs. He had seen women at the brothel do this but he didn't know why. You lead his fingers to a sensitive spot and with your guide, he began to rub that spot. "Fuck." You moaned out arching your back. He watched your face crumple up. "How did you know to do that?" He teased going faster. "Have you been touching yourself? Not very ladylike." You nodded. "Tell me. What were you thinking of?"

Your cheeks immediately flooded red. Him. Always him. "Hmmm." He probed for an answer getting faster and faster. "You." You couldn't catch your breath. "You Aemond." You practically shouted. You could feel the familiar feeling in your lower stomach. But there was also something different about it.

"You should have told me. I could have helped you out." He teased more. How long had you been thinking about him? Was it as long as he had thought of you? "I did say all you had to do was ask." You nodded. "Yes, I should have." You agreed. Almost there. "I wanted you so badly. I... I..." your words got caught in your throat. "You what?" "I" was all you managed to get out before your climax washed over you. It was different from usual. Normally your hand would be caught up in your orgasm that you would stop rubbing your clit meaning you would only feel it for a few fleeting moments. But Aemond did not stop. He kept going watching you come undone on top of him. Your whole body shook.

You looked so beautiful in that moment for him. He needed to do this again to you. Now he knew what it was, he needed it again. Once your body stopped shaking and your eyes closed with tiredness he removed his hand. You felt like you might wobble off the top of him. "Ready for my turn Princess?" Whether or not he meant that as a pet name or your official title, you would never figure it out. You gave a nod.

He flipped you over so now you were on the bottom. You were still in a daze. "Look at what you've done to my trousers." He scolded. You looked down and tried to ignore the bulge and only focus on the giant wet patch. Maybe you might have felt embarrassed but you didn't care. "You felt so good." You sounded like you were drunk. Aemond looked down at his wife, delirious and wanting more and he was more than happy to oblige.

He undid the strings that were trying their best to hold his waistband together. His dick sprung free causing him to wince at the sensitivity. He kicked his trousers away and you shot a sneaky look. Obviously, you had already felt it but you didn't imagine it would look like that. All stiff and leaking slightly. "Enjoying the view?" You were caught. Clearly not as sneaky as you thought you were. You nodded and licked your lips.

"I'll go as slow as I can." His voice suddenly went soft. "It might hurt." You nodded at him. He ran his dick up and down your folds a few times to gather your wetness. It sent small shocks down your spine. Was he teasing you? "Aemond?" You questioned. "Just enjoying my wife. The one who said she'd never ask." You bucked your hips up trying to meet him but he held you down easily. You began to squirm underneath him. You felt so empty. You needed him inside you.

"Don't make me beg again. I was wrong. I do want you to touch me. I do." He didn't move. "Aemond." You tried to sound annoyed but you couldn't. He leant his face forward and kissed your lips. It was then you realised that in all of this, you hadn't kissed him yet. This was your first kiss since the wedding and it made you want more. Why had you been missing out on all of this again? His tongue glided against your lips and you knew immediately what he wanted. You opened your mouth and let him in. For a moment you wondered what his tongue would feel like elsewhere. Maybe another time.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. You didn't miss the smile he had as he slipped himself inside you. You gasped into his mouth and pulled your face away. "I've got you." He reassured. "You're okay." You nodded speechless. He slowly moved while kissing you again. Your sounds of discomfort slowly turned back into moans. It was a strange feeling. He was reaching places your fingers could never could. "Faster." You breathed into his ear. He did as asked. 

Your extra sensitivity meant you couldn't last much longer. The sensation in your stomach coming back. When Aemond started making noises you knew he wouldn't last much longer either.  "Aemond." You couldn't help but shout. He began to nod.  "I know. I know." He began to repeat over and over. He kept one hand by your head while his hand went back to the spot you had shown him earlier. The shock of pleasure had your body jolt forward clamping your muscles. Aemond let out his own moan which sent you over the edge for the second time. Your muscles pulsated around him and he finished inside of you. 

He stayed inside of you for a few moments catching his breath before rolling over beside you. You shuffled over to him and put your head on his shoulder. You looked up at him and saw what you wanted. His hair was a mess. You raised your hand and brushed it out of his face. He looked down at you puzzled. You moved your hand.  "What?" You asked suddenly worried that you had done something wrong. He took your hand and held it against his face. He leant into your touch. "What is it Aemond?" You were suddenly concerned. 

He took a deep breath in.  "Nothing." He brushed it off. Letting go of your hand.  "Don't do this Aemond. I'm your wife, as much as I have not acted like it. Please share your thoughts with me."  "I just fear now that you have gotten what you wanted from me, you will leave me."  "Aemond." You sat up brushing your own hair out of your face. You gathered the sheets to cover yourself. "I know what you think of yourself. I see it. You might think you hide it but I've known you my entire life." You turned back around to look at him. "I won't leave you." He didn't look at you, not believing you. 

You leant down to kiss him. You tried to put all of your feelings into the kiss. At first, he did not kiss you back but he got caught up in it.  "You don't need to believe me, at least not at first." You said pulling away. "But I will make sure you know. I will make it up to you. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you." You curled back up into his side. He moved slightly but only to hold you closer. You were in his arms as much as he was in yours. You both drifted off to sleep again. 

You both were woken by knocks at your doors.  "Prince? Princess?" It was your handmaidens.  "Go away," Aemond shouted at them. You giggled at his childishness. You heard the shuffling of feet.  "We should get up." You sighed. "Although I do not wish to." Closing your eyes again.  "We are needed for royal duties." Aemond agreed.  "Do any of your duties include training? I like it when you train." Aemond chuckled.  "Is that so?" You nodded at his question. "Watching you made me realise how badly I wanted you. Watching you sweat and be out of breath. I wanted to do that to you." "I can make it part of my duties. I do need to be ready to always protect the realm. And once I'm done I can find my Lady Wife." 

You pulled away from his arms and tried to get out of bed only to find yourself collapsing under your own weight and back onto the bed.  "It's like I'm on one of grandsire's ships." You giggled. "I might have to stay here all day." You beamed.  "Then how will you watch me train?" Aemond pointed out. You pouted. He kissed you. As he pulled away you pulled him back in for a second one. "I fear I have created a monster." 

"I'd like to say. In the future please feel free to touch me whenever you like. Well... Not whenever. We might cause quite a stir if we do that in court."  "Hmmmm." He traced circles on your side. "I like the idea of us sitting at the presiding table with my hand up your skirt." You shivered.  "Sounds like you've already thought about it." It was your turn to tease. He sat forward, his lips pressing against the shell of your ear.  "Oh, I have Princess. I've thought about many things."  "You should have let me know. I would have helped you." You mirrored his words from earlier. 

The both of you got dressed and Aemond led you by arm to see his sister Helaena and her children. You sat down and smiled at the children. Helaena looked at you once you were alone.  "Hot baths." She said. "Hot baths help with the pain." She went back to sowing while you felt yourself blushing. How she knew, you didn't want to know but you hoped nobody else did. 

You and she walked around the red keep taking the children for a walk. You heard grunting. You looked down into the courtyard and saw your husband and Ser Cole practising with swords. His grunts and breathlessness taking you back to this morning. Almost like he could feel your presence he looked up. He grinned knowing your thoughts. 

He told you, you'd end up married.

[thehauntedetheral]

Yandere Boyfriend Jealous of Reader's Nephew

Requests are open !

• You and your yan boyfriend have been in a relationship for quite some time that you are now the ✨unofficial married couple ✨ (Yan bf has proposed many times but you have rejected it because you were to focused on career and pushed wedding ideas for later)

• Your elder sister and her husband has gone to a 2 days weekend trip leaving your 2 years old nephew to you and yan for babysitting.

• You love kids and were having blast with your nephew. After all you are his favourite aunt but your Yan bf is sulking in the corner due to lack of attention you are giving to him. Sometimes you wonder who is a toddler, your nephew or your boyfriend?

• your nephew was sitting in your lap and you both were watching The lion King when your bf sat beside you on couch and took the toddler from your lap to his thinking " I am jealous. This dude is spending too much time with my girl". You looked at him with a confused look while he just gave you a sheepish smile saying "just bonding with my future nephew". Hehe.

• You were saying things like "you are so cute my cutie pie, my sunshine and attacking your nephew with kisses while the toddler just laughs joyously. Meanwhile your boyfriend watching this sighs thinking "I am more cute and good looking than him and yet she is attacking him with kisses instead of me? Such a shame to my handsome face. ( This man is more delusional than all the teenage girls)

• You excused yourself to the bathroom while telling your boyfriend to keep a eye on the toddler. Next thing you know Yan bf has begun a Serious talk with your nephew.

"Listen man, I know she is beautiful and the best. But she is MY WOMAN!! And no. She loves me more!!! Even more than you. I came in her life before. You came later. You can't just take all her time. Just wait a little kiddo because one day I will become your uncle. And you will be the ring bearer in our wedding."

• Desperately waits for this weekend to get over and waiting for your sister to take him back.

• Finally your sister and her husband comes back and take their child while Yan bf finally feels happy you on the other hand are a bit sad.

"Don't worry darling, we will visit him soon" your boyfriend says trying to cheer you up when no way in hell he wants to meet him again atleast for a few months.

"Don't act all innocent. I know you have been sulking and jealous all the weekend. I can't believe you were jealous of a 2 year old that too my own nephew" you said smiling a bit thinking how funny is this.

"Well what can I say I just get jealous of whatever or whoever caughts your attention" he said feeling a bit embarassed that he got caught. He thought he hid his jealousy well. But seems like he can't hide anything from you.

"Hey (y/bf/n). Let's get married and have a baby of our own" you said smiling.

"Is that finally a yes, y/n?" He said while his heart skipping beats and his palms getting covered with sweat for your answer after so many rejections from you.

"Yes. I am damn serious. Spending time with you two as a family has made me realise how badly I want a family of my own. I was too focused on my career neglecting you and our future life. I am sorry." You said with all seriousness.

Yan bf only smiles like a crazy and kisses you passionately. He holds your waist spinning you doing a princess twirl making you giggle. He is the happiest man on earth today! Maybe his nephew is not that bad after all he thought. And yes it's official now your nephew is definitely gonna be the ring bearer in your wedding.

Requests are open!!

For more yandere Reading:

[atrirose]

∿ FIRST KISSES ft. enha

moonlight in a quite garden. that’s her beauty

synopsis : enhypen first kisses with you

warning : none just kisses. ✷ sfw fluff ?! m.list

seiu: idk if i did this justice but thanks for the request.

HESSEUNG 미소

he wasn’t the one to have unplanned confessions or kisses, he needs to make everything perfect so yeah your first kiss with him was in his kitchen, planned out by yours truly, he was cooking your favorite dish as he calls you “yn can you check if it’s good” and you go to check without know that the checking would be him kissing you “was it good?” he said winking. kisses with heeseung were slow and mellow.

JAY 너의

“you got cake on your lips” he said, you have been sitting in the cafe with your boyfriend, you have been dating for a week had suggested, it was for studying and you were doing just that or at least trying, it was impossible to study when you got this hot dude that is your boyfriend apparently staring at you like he is about to devour you “oh i’m sorry” before you could wipe it he was there kissing you, he smelled so nice, he was so gentle, a involuntary pout took over your face as he pulled away “you know yn, you can be at ease we are dating after all” and just like that your first kisses was gone, to the right person of course. kisses with jay were intimate.

JAKE 남친

it was an accident, just an accident, a stupid mistake “you look awful jake” he didn’t, he looked a love struck loser at the most “awfully kissed by my bestie” he said smiling. he asked for it, said your lipgloss looked so good, and before you could say thank you, he was already there kissing you, now you stood with him in the hall with no lipgloss on and his lip which were glossed “we should totally be kissing buddies” he said taking your hand as walked with him dumbfounded. did he like you? did you like him? should you wear the lip gloss more often?. kisses with jake were exciting.

SUNGHOON 바다

nothing could be done now huh? “so you don’t get pregnant if you kiss” your five year old sister asked your boyfriend he seems to be enjoying her questions a lot “no you don’t get pregnant with just kissing” he said chuckling to himself “so if you kissed her, she wouldn’t make me an aunt, because i was super scared so i told her not to kiss you” your sister said pointing at you and you just wanted to disappear “really? you said that, that’s why she hasn’t kissed me at all” sunghoon said with a fake pout that made your sister worried “oh no i didn’t mean that, don’t be sad, i will tell her to kiss you, let me go and get you some oreos” she said getting up and running to the pantry “so this is why you have been ignoring my kisses” he said as he pulled you in “no that’s not the reason! i was just you know awkward” he pulled you closer for a kiss, he smelled so good, like peaches and cream. “there is no need to be awkward i’m yours afterall” and just like that park sunghoon has once again made you melt into a puddle as he laughed “i brought cookies, sorry oreos are over” your sister came running “thank you” sunghoon said taking the cookies from her. thank god she came late. kisses with sunghoon were magical.

SUNOO 별

he looked so happy “it was just a kiss sunoo” and then suddenly a pout took over “it’s not just a kiss, it was yours as well as mine first kiss” he said shaking you as he explained this, “how do you know it’s my first kiss too” you said crossing your arms at your new boyfriend “i know that because no one would kiss you other than me ouch” you smacked his arms “i made sure you dated no one since the day we met” it’s been 5 years since you met in middle school “i made sure i was the first to confess, first kiss and your first husband” you smiled at his rambles, he is quite literally the biggest dork. kisses with sunoo were playful.

JUNGWON 꿀

the sun was out and hot, the ac in your best friend’s room blowing cold air, his hands on your hair. it was just so different, the way he kissed you, you always thought jungwon was your friend, someone you would introduce to your kids as their sassy uncle but here he was kissing you “i’m sorry i love you and if you do like someone else i still wanted to kiss you first and last time” he said pulling back and brushing your hair out of your face “if you really wanted to kiss me so bad you could have just said jungwon” you smiled laying on his shoulder, he didn’t need answers yet, you didn’t want to ask questions just yet. everything was perfect. kisses with jungwon were enchanting.

NIKI 그의

it was not something surprising, you both know that your glances on niki were different, you weren’t the same 10 year old bsf walking with hands intertwined. it was different, your palms in his hands were turning sweaty but he didn’t let go “so niki i want something—” niki held your hands tightly as if he was scared to let go “yn let me kiss you” there was this small moment before he lowered his head down, soft lips met yours, it wasn’t the best kiss ever but it made your stomach all mushy and your cheeks red “you suck at kissing” you said hitting him on his chest “i saw it in movies- it’s done like this, how would you know” he said hiding his face in his hoodie “yn we should never do that again” did you just get rejected before you confessed “because if we do i would fall heads over heels for that stupid smile you got on” he said taking your hands in his as he starts walking. kisses with niki were like new beginnings.

[absurdthirst]

Safe Haven {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17.1k

Warnings: No Outbreak AU, domestic violence, spousal abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, Joel is a protector, oral sex, female receiving, fingering, vaginal sex, brief hair pulling, rough sex, aftercare, death, loss, kidnapping, threats of violence, feral Joel, threats of murder, happy endings. Reader is described as having hair that can be pulled.

Comments: Coming to Jackson had been a last resort, scared of your ex and running for your life. Meeting a cowboy in the bar your aunt owns will change the trajectory of your life, and his.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Joel groans as he steps out of his truck, the moon shining above and he adjusts his belt after he locks his vehicle. Making his way into the bar, he nods his head at the men who greet him. Locals in Jackson that he has known for years ever since he moved to the area to escape Texas. To escape the memories. He strides up to the bar and sits down on the stool, raising his hand to call over the bartender. He expects to see Jerry come over to give him his usual - beer and a shot of whiskey - but instead, a beautiful woman appears and Joel raises his eyebrows. "What can I get ya?" You ask him, wiping down the counter. "Yuengling...and shot of Jameson." He orders and you nod, walking along the bar to pour his drinks. His eyes dip down to your ass and he wonders where the hell you came from. This town is for rough ranchers, not pretty young things like you. "Here you go. Wanna open a tab or close out?" You ask and he snorts, "tab. Name is Miller. I have an ongoing tab." He says and you nod, having discovered that nearly everyone has an open tab. 

You add the drinks to his tab and sigh, leaning against the counter to look at the brooding man who saddled up to your bar. He's gorgeous. A rancher through and through with the hat on his head which he takes off to set down on the counter after taking a sip of his drink. He's the kind of man you'd be flirting with if you had any interest in that. You don't. That's why you moved to Jackson, to get away from men. Well, one man. Your husband. "So, you're new in town?" Joel asks when you refill his beer. "Yeah. Arrived yesterday." You reveal and he hums, "well, welcome to the most boring place in the USA." He snorts and you wince, remembering the fact that your husband called Jackson the exact same thing.

Joel notices the joke falls flat and he taps the bar, looking around the place. It’s pretty quiet for a Friday night, but the night is still young. You wipe down the counters and Joel tosses back the shot, setting the glass down on the counter. “Another?” You ask and he smirks slightly. “Hell, why not?” He shrugs, picking up his beer. “Nowhere else to be tonight.”

You nod, making your way over to the bottles to pour him another whiskey. After you set it down, he says, “you want a drink? I’ll buy you one.” He says and you shake your head, crossing your arms, “no thanks. I don’t drink while I’m working. My aunt owns the place and I don’t think she’d want me drinking on the job.” You reveal and Joel says your aunt’s name, “you’re her niece? She mentioned you’d be coming into town.” He hums and you hate the fact that those dark brown eyes of his are hard to look away from. “Yeah. I, uh, it was last minute. I needed to escape and she helped me.” You confess and Joel tilts his head, “from what? A boring 9-5?” He chuckles and you shake your head, “from my husband.”

Joel’s brow knits, instantly wondering what could have occurred and he stares at you for a moment before he nods. “Understood.” He grunts, taking another sip of his beer and glancing around the room, noticing a few of the other ranch’s hands are here, including his own. “You have a problem, you tell any of the boys from the Triple M to give you a hand.” He tells you, looking back at you. “You have a problem with them, you let me know. I’ll handle them.”

You nod, offering him a slight smile, “thanks.” You get called over to another patron but your eyes drift back over to Joel. He’s handsome. In a slightly depressed way. That’s probably why you can’t stop looking over at him. He’s damaged goods…like you. “Another round?” You ask Joel, someone now sitting next to him. “Yeah. And what do you want, asshole?” He asks the younger man who scoffs, “don’t be mean in front of the pretty lady.” He nudges Joel. You bite your lip at the compliment but you know it would sound better coming from the older man’s lips.

“Where’s your wife?” He looks around, not seeing Maria. His younger brother grins the sappy smile of a man in love, “she’s in the bathroom. Has to pee every time she gets out of the truck.” Joel snorts, although he’s slightly jealous. You walk back over and he jerks his head to the side. “Beer and a shot for this jerk and a ginger ale for his wife, pretty lady.” He smirks slightly, aware of the interest in your eyes and he wouldn’t mind peeling you out of those jeans.

You work fast to get their drinks, setting them down just as the woman you assume is Maria comes to the bar and sits down. “This baby is bouncing on my damn bladder.” She huffs, picking up the ginger ale you set down for her. “Not long now, baby.” Tommy says, leaning in to kiss her cheek and your stomach twists at the obvious love in his eyes for his wife. You set Joel’s beer down, “here you go, handsome.” You flirt back slightly, wanting him to know you find him attractive. You tell yourself it’s to get a bigger tip.

Tommy’s brow wings up, surprised that his brother is flirting with someone but it’s good to see him get back on the horse. “Well, fuck me, tonight’s gonna be a good night!” He slaps the bar top with a grin, making Joel roll his eyes. “Pay attention to your wife.” He grunts, sending you a wink. “Lady’s interested in me.”

Joel’s wink makes your cheeks heat up and you chuckle at the way Tommy rolls his eyes at his brother before he turns to nuzzle his nose against his wife’s cheek. Another customer calls you over and you walk down the bar passing Jerry who is serving someone else. “She’s pretty.” Maria hums, caressing her bump, “you should ask her out.”

“She’s flirtin’ to get a better tip.” Joel dismisses the idea, although he wouldn’t mind taking you out. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted someone. Hell, it was almost surprising that his cock twitches and he’s half hard. “If she wants to go out, she can let me know. I drink here, and I don’t want her aunt poisoning my whiskey.”

You watch Joel from the corner of your eye. It’s wrong to feel attracted to him. You came here to escape, not to get with a local rancher. You need to focus on yourself, not on a handsome man. You find it hard to trust anyone. Your aunt gave you a safe haven from your husband and you need to keep it that way. 

**** 

“You’re a fucking useless slut!” Your husband, Josh, yells at you, throwing the dinner you cooked him across the room. You hadn’t made the meatloaf he didn’t tell you he wanted. Apparently he expected you to be a mind reader and he’s not happy to have fettuccine Alfredo instead. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You didn’t -” You cut yourself off. 

“I didn’t tell you? You should fucking know. You know what I like to eat! Why did I marry you? I could’ve had Shelly from work. At least she sucks cock. Every guy gets a blowjob from her but no, I got stuck with you. You don’t give me shit. I got a useless cunt. All because you got pregnant.” He hisses and you shake your head, tears stinging in your eyes. You lost the baby at five months. It was traumatic for you and your husband seemed to be relieved but didn’t divorce you. You’ve been married for three years. The first year he was perfect. He took you out for dinner, treated you well. After you lost the baby, he changed. You should’ve left him when you lost the baby but you were so distraught and your only family is your aunt. You lost your parents when you were in college to a car accident. You had no one to lean on except Josh. 

“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t - I can make you meatloaf.” You choke out and he scoffs, “too fucking late. I’m gonna go to the bar, get some wings. Clean up this goddamn mess.” He points at the dishes he threw on the floor and you nod, your throat closing as your hands shake. He slams the door behind him and you start to sob, sinking down to the floor. You need to get out of here. 

**** 

“Woah, watch you’re doing lady!” One of the ranch hands snaps his fingers in front of your face and you come back to yourself, gasping when you realize the beer you’re pouring hasn’t stopped because you are pulling down on the tap. “Shit.” You hiss, lifting the lever and setting the beer down. “I’m - I’m so sorry.” You choke, reaching for the rags to clean it up. Jerry comes over, his eyes widening at the mess on the floor and he shakes his head, “clean up this goddamn mess.” He hisses, clearly frustrated with you and you gasp, hands shaking as you fumble with the rags. “I- I-” You struggle to breathe, taken back to that night with Josh.

“Jerry, chill the fuck out.” Joel growls, seeing that you are as spooked as an unbroken foal and he immediately senses that you need a moment. He pushes away from the bar and walks over to the mess and takes the rags from you. “Go take a piss or wash your face.” He tells you quietly before looking back at Jerry. “It’s just some fucking beer and it’s not like this place is the goddamn Ritz.” He huffs, folding the rag and wiping up the beer himself as you edge away. Joel’s dark eyes find you watching warily, as if unsure if you should and he nods. “Go on, girl.” He tells you again.

Your hands are shaking as you make your way to the bathroom and you inhale deeply as you push the door open, rushing over to the sink and tears sting in your eyes as you try to control yourself. You are shaking and you’re taken right back to Josh. How he would say you’re a useless whore. You splash water on your face, trying to calm your racing heart. After ten minutes, you gather the strength to go back outside to finish your shift. The beer has been cleaned up and you decide to get Joel a round on you.

Joel watches as you set another beer down in front of him. Tommy and Maria are on the dance floor, holding each other close while the other couples zip around them. “You good?” He asks, watching you close and not liking that you were obviously crying at one point.

“I’m good.” You nod, “this one is on me.” You tell him, wiping your hands on your jeans. “Sorry about that. I- I freaked out and I shouldn’t have.” You confess, “I embarrassed myself.” You shake your head, “all because of pulling a beer.”

“More like a trauma response to some shit from your past.” Joel comments, watching you for a moment before he picks his beer up with a small nod of appreciation. His knuckles are scarred from his own trauma responses, so he knows what you are going through. “Best thing to do is to focus on something good. And talk to someone…..if you’re into that kind of shit.” He doesn’t feel comfortable expressing himself to a lot of people, but he doesn’t look down on those who do.

You stare at him, shocked that he’s read you like a book, and you nod after a few seconds. “I- I’ll try to do that. Thank you. It’s - it’s complicated.” You sigh and lean back against the counter. “I don’t really like talking.”

"Then don't talk." Joel shrugs slightly, knowing that he's the same way. "Better options are to either fuck through your feeling or raise hell." He takes a sip of his beer and eyes you. "Both of them have their merits."

You snort, “sex sounds pretty damn good actually.” You lean against the counter, “I’m not a raise hell kind of girl. More of a book and a coffee kind of girl.” You admit, “what’s your preference?”

Joel’s eyebrow ticks up and he wonders if you are feeling him out. “Fuckin’ wasn’t always an option.” He tosses out casually. “Sometimes you just gotta beat the shit out of someone’s face if you can’t make a woman scream in pleasure.” He shrugs, eyes meeting yours. “But I’d rather fuck, any day of the week.”

You inhale sharply at his words, your stomach twisting with arousal. Josh wouldn’t have sex with you since that night you fucked up his dinner. Deep down, you knew he was fucking someone else and you didn’t care. As long as he wasn’t coming to you for sex. It’s been so long since you’ve been touched with desire and the look in Joel’s eyes tells you he’s capable of making you feel things you’ve never felt before. “Me too. I’m not a fighter.” You confess, snorting at your own joke. You couldn’t fight against your husband when he would scream at you. “I’m guessing the options around here aren’t too plentiful for you. Seems like more ranch hands than anyone else.”

“Nah.” Joel huffs out a smirk. “And they ain’t exactly my type.” His eyes slide up and down your body and he knows you are interested. “Been a long time since I’ve had a pretty little thing like you.” He admits, ignoring the pang of loss from Tess. It’s been a few years and she’s gone.

You bite your lip, stomach twisting with lust at the dark look in his chocolate eyes. His hair is streaked with salt and pepper and his hands are calloused. He looks capable. Like he'd protect you with his entire being or he has the capacity to destroy you. You're not sure if you want to take the risk after escaping from Josh. "Been a long time since a handsome man took any interest in me." You confess, "damaged goods." You shrug, "but you seem to understand that. I'm new here...any tips on places to go, things to do?"

Joel sets his beer down and shrugs, leaning forward. “Ain’t too much to do around here.” He admits, licking his lips before he decides to proposition you. “Best thing is to watch the sun come up off the northern part of my land.” He tells you. “Might have to come stay the night to get there on time.”

“There’s a campfire breakfast option or a regular option with a thermos of coffee to take on horseback.” Joel nods. “Either one. I prefer to sleep under the stars when I get a chance, but you might prefer indoor plumbing.

You chuckle, “I am partial to a toilet but a night under the stars sounds perfect. Exactly what I need after all the shit I’ve gone through.” You confess. “You want another drink? Water?” You ask, “or coffee? Jerry has a pot going in the back.”

“Coffee.” Joel decides, finishing his beer and pushing the glass towards you. “Black. I’m a simple kind of man.”

You nod, taking the glass, and you head into the kitchen to grab him a cup of coffee. You bring it back to him and look over at his brother and his wife. “She’s due soon.” You jerk your chin over to the couple and Joel nods, “yeah. They got all the baby shit ready to go. I had to make up the crib. Good thing I used to be a contractor.” He snorts and you chuckle, “you’re gonna be a good uncle. I can tell. You got kids?” You ask, tilting your head.

Joel frowns, looking down into his coffee. “Got a foster kid.” He tells you, his heart aching when he remembers Sarah and how he had held her in his arms as she took her last breaths. “Pain in my ass.”

You snort, “she’s a teenager?” You assume from the look on his face but his eyes soften when he mentions her. “Well, I don’t work tomorrow night. My aunt wanted me to settle in after a rough first shift so if you’re free…maybe you could show me around town?”

“What time do you get off tonight?” Joel asks, weighing the work that needs to be done with the chance to just blow off some steam.

You look at your watch, “in an hour. Jerry said he’d close out my first night. Let me settle in with the locals first.” You reveal, “so…if you’re free…” You trail off, leaning against the countertop.

“Passenger seat in my truck is empty.” He points out, glancing back at Tommy and Maria, still dancing. “We can split the difference.” He decides. “Indoor sex tonight and outdoor sex tomorrow.” He smirks and winks. “See if you can ride a horse after I ride you all night.”

Your eyes widen and you inhale sharply, liking the cocky look on his face. You’ve been through hell and you want to have fun. You deserve to have fun. “Sure thing, cowboy. You ready? I can settle your tab and tell Jerry that I’m leaving.” You know you should play coy but he doesn’t seem like the kind of man to like being messed around with. He nods, shifting to pull his wallet out of his jeans and he hands you enough bills to cover his tab and his family. “Thanks.” You say, heading over to the cash register. “Keep the change.” He orders when you come back over and you sigh, knowing it’s best to not argue. “I’ll go get my jacket if you still want me to come home with you?”

“I’ll wait.” He’s not the type of man to have you come out of the bar and search for him. Groaning slightly as he stands, he motions. “Go get your shit, I’ll say bye to my brother and hands that are here.” He tells you, turning to head towards the group of Triple M hands playing pool in the back corner.

You walk over to Jerry, telling him you're leaving, and his eyes dart over to Joel, a frown on his face. "I hope you know what you're doing." He clicks his tongue and you nod, "I'm having fun." He snorts, "go. I'll lock up." He orders and you rush into the back room to grab your jacket and your purse, coming out the front to find Joel waiting for you, his hands in his pockets. Your heart thumps in your chest at what you're doing. Both with nerves and excitement. It's been a long time since you felt this way.

​​He shouldn’t do this. You’ve got trouble written all over you. But it seems like Joel finds nothing but trouble and he’s always been a sucker for a nice ass. “Ready?” He pulls his hand out of his pocket and touches the small of your back as he guides you out of the bar and over to a large 4x4 dually with the Triple M logo on the side. He walks you to the passenger door and opens it for you. “If you’re gonna fuck the shit out of a woman, you can open the door for her.” He grunts when you look at him in surprise.

You are surprised by his actions and his words. “I just - I’m not used to having the door opened for me.” You confess and he shakes his head, “then you’ve been with mannerless assholes.” He scoffs and you chuckle, “that we can agree on.” You get up into the truck and it smells like him. He rounds the front after shutting your door and you inhale sharply, trying to calm your racing heart. “I just realized…I never got your name.” You frown, looking at him after he settles in the driver's seat.

Sliding the key into the ignition, Joel chuckles as he introduces himself. “Joel Miller.” He tells you quietly. “Rancher.” He wonders if you are second guessing yourself. “Own the Triple M spread. My brother Tommy and his wife own the next ranch over. Called it Fresh Start Ranch.” He snorts. “They rehabilitate horses and people.” He tells you. “Gives minors and first time offenders job skills.”

You nod, saying his name. It suits him. “Enough people know you to know that I’m safe.” You declare and he nods, “I ain’t gonna hurt you.” He promises and you smile, telling him your name, “currently on the run from my crazy husband who tried to kill me. I own nothing. Don’t have a dollar. He took control of our joint account and I can’t use it otherwise he will find me.” You confess, revealing your reason for being here.

“Cash is king.” Joel nods, not liking the bastard from what little you’ve told him. “You can always open an account in our local bank.” He tells you. “They don’t ask too many questions. A lot of the hands open accounts.”

"Probably best to stick with cash. I - I barely made it out of there with my life. I can't - I can't risk him finding me." You confess, hands shaking slightly as you lean back in your seat. You close your eyes, remembering the way he held the knife in his hand. "Hey. Hey. Look at me." Joel murmurs and you inhale deeply before you turn to look at him. "I can escort you home. I ain't - you don't seem ready for anything." He observes and you sigh, "it's - I don't want to be alone. Can we go to yours and talk? I want to tell you why I'm like this." You say, voice a little stronger.

He doesn’t need another headache. He doesn’t need another responsibility. He’s got plenty on his plate without your shit added on, but he can’t turn down the naked plea in your eyes. He sighs and nods. “Sure.” He pulls out of the parking lot, resigned to the fact that the sex he had been anticipating is now off the table. “How did your aunt end up in Jackson?” He asks conversationally.

“She was married to a rancher. He died when he was fifty. Heart attack from the stress. So she sold the ranch and bought the bar and the apartment above. She lived there for ten years then decided to move into a home when she got remarried. So, she’s been around town for a while. Doesn’t manage the bar as much and needs a set of hands. She called me to check on me the week before he - she said I was welcome to escape here. Just call her and the apartment and job is mine.” You tell him and he hums, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Did he physically abuse you?” Joel asks, wanting to know what kind of prick you were married to. “Or more emotional and verbal?” He knows that if it’s physical, if the bastard shows up here, no one will even acknowledge that you are here, if you are sitting right in front of them. Everyone protects their own here in Jackson. Joel would be even more brutal. He would just take him out on the ranch and bury him.

“He was emotional and verbal. Everything I did…it was never enough. He would throw things at him but never hit me. Until - until the day he found out I was leaving. He came home early from work. He wanted me to make him lunch and he found my bags in the hall. I was in the shower, about to get dressed and leave before he got home from work and he - he came into the bathroom with the knife. I only managed to escape because I sprayed him with hot water. Ran to the car naked and I- I drove off after grabbing one bag in the hallway. I sold the car the next day, bought another one so he couldn’t track me and drove here to escape.” You reveal, hands shaking at the memory of him pulling back the shower curtain, the knife in his hand.

“Jesus Christ.” Joel hisses, tightening his fist on the steering wheel as he drives. “What a fucking psycho. You don’t need to worry, people around here don’t like fuckers period, but definitely not ones who would threaten someone they are supposed to protect.” He reaches out and offers your leg a light squeeze before he lets go. Remembering you might be skittish.

You feel safe with him. His touch is reassuring and something you haven’t felt in so long. “I- I escaped but he’s looking for me. I know he is. He was yelling at me, telling me he couldn’t let me go. I couldn’t leave. He screamed that he’d kill me before I left.” You choke, “I barely made it but I did and I refuse - I need to start fresh.”

Joel nods, knowing all about fresh starts. “Jackson is a good place for it.” He tells you. “Lots of folks are here because they got something they want to forget. You’ll blend in in no time.” He chuckles. “Then you’ll have half the patrons ready to whoop his ass if he shows his face in town.”

You smile, “thank you.” You reach for his hand, squeezing gently. He seems so capable and you love it. The strength in his touch but you’re not scared of it. You look out of the window, watching the town pass by, and he pulls into an estate with “Triple M” above the sign. “I really want to see the sunrise.” You reveal and you look back at him as he drives down the rubble road to his place. “I really want to see you.” You decide, feeling safe with him after telling him why you're so skittish.

Joel chuckles and he tries to ignore the harsh reality of that lie. He’s let so many women in his life down. His wife, his daughter, his lover. He’s terrified that he might let Ellie down and now you have just thrown him for a loop like he’s breaking a new colt. “You’re seein’ me, ain’t ya?” He asks, flashing you a grin. It takes five minutes to get from the gate of the property to the main house and he nods towards it when it comes into view. “Whaddya think?”

You inhale sharply at the beautiful lodge. Its setting against the mountains that will be seen when the sun rises has you nodding, “it’s beautiful. I see why you like it so much.” You tell him, “you gonna show me the inside?”

“Don’t plan on making you wait in the truck.” He snorts, pulling up to the front yard and parking it. “Come on. I’ll show you around and you can see what you like best.”

You smile at him as he gets out after killing the engine and rounds the truck to open the door for you. You get out and follow him inside his place, admiring his shoulders and back as he unlocks the door to reveal the comfortable and warm lodge. “Oh it’s gorgeous. I love it.” You exhale in awe, stepping in to admire the manly yet homey decor.

“It’s home.” He grunts, moving over to the bar area of the living room. “Want a drink? Coffee? Whatever you want, we can make it happen.”

“You have any whiskey?” You ask, walking over to the photo frames on the table in the living room. There’s a few different women in the photos. From two young girls to two older women. You can't figure out who is who. You turn to watch Joel pour out two glasses of whiskey, walking over to hand it to you after he’s done. “So who’s who?” You ask, gesturing to the photos.

Joel sighs softly, aware that you would ask about it, although he hadn’t expected it to be tonight. “That’s Ellie and Tess.” He tells you, pointing at one picture with his drink hand before taking a sip. “Foster kid and my late- erm, lover.” He settles on that title for Tess.

Your eyes widen and he continues, “she died a few years ago. It - it was fucking dumb. She was trying to rescue a stray dog on the property and it bit her. She got fucking rabies and - and she died.” He shakes his head, unable to believe it even after all these years. The worst part? She didn’t know that he loved her. “I’m so sorry.” You choke, reaching up to touch his arm.

Joel shakes his head and sighs. "Not a goddamn thing I could do." He admits softly, unsure why he is talking to you about this. He never talks to anyone about losing Tess, not even Tommy dares to bring up her name. Ellie had just been placed with them and it had been a long time before he opened up to the girl at all.

Your heart aches for him, he’s lost so much. “I’m - there’s no words.” You murmur, knowing there’s nothing you can say to remotely make the loss tolerable. He has to heal on his own time. “She has your eyes.” You point to the other teenager and Joel smiles sadly, “my Sarah. She - she was killed when she was thirteen. I used to live in Texas. Austin. She went to go get my watch repaired for my birthday and - and she was shot.” He confesses, “I tried to get there as quick as I could and she - she died in my arms.” He finishes quietly and your eyes widen, glistening with tears from the pain in his voice. 

“Joel…I-” You don’t continue, you just spin around and wrap your arms around him.

Joel grunts, absorbing the impact of the hug. You had pushed into him hard, probably trying to reconcile all that he’s endured and he awkwardly wraps his arms around you. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the hug, he just doesn’t know how to really handle the softness anymore. “It’s - I’m existing. I’m still here.” He doesn’t mention that his sole reason now is for Ellie, but he rubs your back gently. “If I can make it, you can too, pretty girl.”

You look at him, that small patch in his beard that doesn’t seem to grow, and you lean in to kiss it. “You don’t- we don’t have to do anything.” He reminds you but you kiss his jaw again. “I want to. I want to feel. I want to feel wanted. Desired. Can you do that for me? Can you fuck me like there’s no tomorrow?” You ask, “because that’s what I need right now.”

Joel’s eyes flatten, darkening with desire. “I fuck rough.” He warns you, voice dipping down and taking on a raspy quality. “I’ll make you feel good, but I’ll also make you hurt.” He’s not talking about a slap or any kind of violence, he doesn’t get off on beating women while he fucks them. However, you would feel him tomorrow, every step you take and when you are riding a horse.

You whimper at the gruffness in his voice but it’s arousal. You know he won’t actually harm you. You nod, “I want that. Just- just make me feel something other than what I’ve been feeling.” You demand, wanting to take control of your emotions after such a turbulent escape.

“I can do that.” He promises, lifting his drink. “Finish your whiskey and I’ll make you forget your own name by the time I’m done riding you.” He growls, cock starting to harden again at the thought of laying you out on his bed.

You let go of him, stepping back to grab your glass and you down it, wincing at the sting of the alcohol but you like it. He watches you as he sips, doesn’t down it like you do, and your body tingles from his intense stare.

Joel knows Ellie is in town. It was the entire reason he had gone to the bar. She’s spending the night at Dina’s house and the main house is empty except for you and him. “Take your clothes off.” He orders, leaning back against the bar. “Ex-excuse me?” You huff, making him smirk at you as he continues to drink. “You heard me, girl. Strip.” His eyes drag up and down your form possessively. “I want to see every beautiful inch of your body before I touch you.”

You should say no but the look on his face has you obeying. You shrug off your jacket, letting it fall to the floor before you reach for the hem of your shirt. You lift it over your head and expose your bra. You hear his soft groan and it makes your pussy start to throb with need at the desire. You reach behind you to unclasp it and drag it down your arms, exposing your tits to his hungry gaze as he sips the alcohol. He doesn’t say a word, encouraging you to continue with his silence so you kick off your sneakers and unbutton your jeans, pushing them down your legs until you’re left in your panties and socks. “All of it.” He demands and you nod, lifting your feet to remove your socks then you hook your fingers in your panties, pushing them down your legs until you are standing bare before him.

“Fuck.” Joel growls, draining the rest of his whiskey and slapping the glass down onto the bar before he shoves off of it. His blood is hot, cock aching for you and he’s going to show you exactly what that little show has done for him. Stomping up to you, he grabs your ass and hauls you close, his lips demanding and harsh when they descend on yours.

He tastes like whiskey and something sweet that makes you moan into his mouth. His fingers dig into your flesh and you tangle your fingers in his salt and pepper locks, pressing yourself against him. His hard cock is pressing against your hip and you moan when his tongue pushes into your mouth. He takes what he wants without forgiveness and you love it. You love that he’s taking all the need to think away from you.

Joel is strong, he’s manhandled bull calves and horses, throwing hay and everything else that is needed on a ranch. Grabbing your thighs, he hoists you up into his arms, making you gasp into his mouth. Clinging to him as your legs wrap around his waist. Still kissing you, he starts to carry you towards his bedroom, eager to lay you down.

You gasp when he tosses you down on his bed. Simple comforter and two pillows, you shift back onto them to watch him as he works on unbuttoning his shirt. “I want to do it.” You huff, shifting onto your knees and reaching out to continue removing his clothes. When his shirt is unbuttoned, you push it down his shoulders and caress his chest, admiring the salt and pepper hair there.

Joel groans at the feel of your warm hands on his skin. He hadn’t been lying, it’s been a long time since he’s had someone touch him. Your fingers comb through his chest hair and he leans in to bite your bottom lip. “Open my pants, pretty girl.” He growls, cupping your ass again.

Your hands slide lower to play with the buckle of his belt, working fast to undo it, and you whip it out of the loops, making him chuckle. You toss the belt to the floor and work on unbuttoning his pants, reaching in to pull his hard cock out and you moan at the way your fingers barely touch when you squeeze him. “Holy shit.” You gasp, looking down at his girth.

Joel smirks, watching your eyes widen. “Second thoughts, pretty girl?” He rasps out. “Don’t think you could take me?”

You swallow harshly, "I- I am going to take every inch." Your stomach twists in anticipation. Josh had a small dick and you never complained when he first started fucking you but he was selfish. You wonder if Joel is selfish or not. You lean over to spit onto his length, twisting your wrist to start pumping his cock.

“Un uh.” He almost grabs your face, not wanting you to blow him, but he just grunts in approval when you pump his cock in your fist. “You’re going to cream on every inch.” He warns you, rocking his hips forward into your grip. “Now, tell me right now before we get started.” He huffs. “Anything I can’t do to you?”

You shake your head, "he never - thank God. He didn't abuse me like that. He stopped touching me. We didn't - not for eighteen months." You confess, "I think he was cheating on me." You continue pumping his cock, leaning in to kiss his neck.

Joel grunts. “Then your pussy’s been neglected for far too long.” He grabs your wrist to pull you off his cock, stepping back and kicking off his boots and shucking his jeans. Making sure to pull out his wallet for a condom.

You shift back onto the bed, laying down as you watch him throw his wallet onto his nightstand, his jeans and briefs discarded on the floor. "Fuck, you're so hot." You murmur, eyes drinking in the sight of the strong and capable man.

He chuckles, knowing that he is old and wearing down, but he can still put on a good show for you. Grabbing your ankle, he flips you onto your stomach and ignores your shriek of surprise before his hand comes down on your ass.

You gasp in surprise, your finger curling in the sheets and you moan when he smacks your ass again. "Again." You plead, wanting him to consume you, to make you forget all of the shit you've endured recently.

“That’s a good girl.” He slaps your ass again, a bit harder this time, tempering the slap with a quick rub of the skin with the palm of his hand. Grabbing both globes and pulling them apart to look. “Stared at this ass while you got my beer.” He grunts, leaning in and spitting on the puckered hole. “Knew it would be killer.”

Your eyes roll back in bliss at the way he's manhandling you. "Swayed my hips to make sure you were looking." You confess, "I wanted you to - to want me." You admit, "want you to fuck me hard. Make me forget my own name."

His hand slides through your folds to your clit. “Have to make sure you can take me first.” He hums. “Want you to be sore, not bleeding.”

You rest your cheek on his sheets, moaning when he rubs your clit. You’re already wet for him but his cock is too girthy for you to take him without his fingers stretching you out first. “So good. Joel, baby. Shit. Want your fingers inside of me.”

Joel smirks, pulling his hand away so you whine. He slaps your ass once more and flips you onto your back again. “Want to see your face when you cum.” He slides two thick fingers into your cunt while he dives into your folds with his mouth ravenously.

Your shriek echoes off of his walls as his fingers drive into you, making your back arch and your fingers tangle into his hair as he sucks on your clit like a hard candy. “Fuck.” You gasp, loving the way his thick fingers stretch you out.

Joel groans against your clit, curling his fingers up inside you and scissoring them apart. Wanting to stretch you out. His other hand has your hip in a bruising grip to keep you from bucking up. Sucking on your clit harshly.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” You cry out, back arching as you try to not buck up. His hand squeezes your hip and you moan his name as he laps at your clit, your fingers tugging on his hair and your other hand squeezes your tit.

His dark eyes watch you carefully, tongue flicking over your clit before he sucks on it again. Pulling back his hand in order to push another finger inside you. Wanting to make sure you are going to take him with ease.

You pant as he stretches you out on his thick digits. No one has taken this much care with you. Most men would’ve been trying to stick their dick in you by now. You moan his name again, toes curling when he works you higher and higher until you’re crying out. “Oh fuck!” You squeal, clamping down on his fingers as you fall apart around them.

Joel lightens the pressure of his tongue, but he keeps pumping his fingers into you. Curling them and pushing deeper. Rocketing you higher until his name comes out as a squeak and another rush of liquid splashes his wrist. Your cunt squeezes his fingers like a vice and he knows you are going to feel amazing around his cock. Chuckling, he starts to slow down, letting you ride out your pleasure with a nice languid pace until your body goes boneless. “Now you’re ready.” He hums.

You nod, eyes still closed as he withdraws his digits and you manage to open them to watch him kneel on the bed. He grabs the condom, opening it, and he rolls it down his cock with a hiss from how hard his cock is. He was leaking pre-cum into the sheets while he was working you open. “I’m still not sure that’s gonna fit.” You declare and he chuckles, “it’s gonna.” His face turns serious, “but if it hurts, you tell me and I pull out.” You nod and he shuffles closer, gathering your slick from your folds to coat his length. “You ready?” He asks and you inhale deeply, “yeah. Fuck me.”

Joel hovers over you, flashing you a smirk as he braces one hand on the bed. The other is wrapped around his cock as he guides it to your entrance. “Wrap your legs around me when I push inside you, pretty girl.” He grunts. “And hang on. This ride will last longer than you’re used to.” He promises, snapping his hips forward and burying his length inside you.

​​You do as he says, wrapping your legs around his waist as he pushes inside of you. “Oh my fucking God!” You cry out, tilting your head back as you take his girth inside of you. He’s stretching you out but the slight hint of pain is delicious. Your mouth falls open and your legs tighten around him while he works himself completely inside of you. “I really didn’t think you’d fit.” You confess, gasping from the intensity and you love it. You feel alive.

He chuckles, leaning in to brush his lips over yours. “Knew it would.” He grunts, twitching when your walls clench down around him. You seem to like the rough rasp of his voice. “Tight little pussy fits like a glove.” He groans. “Now let’s see how you cum on my cock.” He hisses as he pulls his hips back, prepared to slam back into you again.

You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his lips back to yours, and your tongue slides against his as he starts to move inside of you. He eagerly swallows your moans of pleasure and you tilt your hips up, trying to meet his rhythm. “Fuck. You feel so good.” You pant against his lips, “more. Want you to - to wreck me.” You order, wanting him to make you forget your own name.

He chuckles again at how greedy you are, but his hips snap forward just a little harder on the next thrust. “Gonna wreck you.” He promises, ducking down slightly and starting to bite on your jaw.

You tilt your head to give him more access, your thighs tightening around him as he starts to fuck you hard. "Shit baby. Keep - keep going." You plead, knowing your expectations are low because of your husband who would barely last a couple of minutes.

Joel plants his hands on the bed bedside your head and starts to pound into you. Knowing that his back will start to scream, but he’s not going to let up until you are the one screaming. Hammering into you with rough, quick thrusts before pulling back to do it again.

Your eyes widen when he hammers into you. A squeal escaping your lips and you choke out his name. He steals your breath from you and his cock pushes deep enough that it feels like he's in your stomach. "Ho-holy shit." You moan, your heels pushing into his ass as he grunts above you.

He doesn’t have the breath to chuckle. Just continuing to fuck you like there is no tomorrow. Grunting and hissing every time he buries himself deep and pulls back for another thrust. He curls his hands into fists and he changes the angle of his hips until the pubic hair above his cock rubs against your clit.

“Ohhh myyyyy fuck - fucking Godddd!” You squeal endlessly, breathlessly as he rams into you. He’s rubbing your clit with his pelvis and your eyes squeeze shut. Your breath hitches as your body starts to shake. You moan his name and he rocks into you over and over. “I’m gonna- you’re gonna - shit. Joel. Joel. Jo-” Your voice breaks as you fall apart, clamping down on his cock.

Joel growls, something deep and feral from his being as he rocks into you harder. Watching as your eyes squeeze closed and your back arches. Your cry fills his ears as you cum around him. As soon as your body tenses for the last wave of pleasure, Joel is rearing up, breaking the hold your legs have on him to pull out of you and flip you back over. Wanting to fuck you from behind.

You scramble onto your hands and knees. Your back is arching as you still shake from your previous orgasm. “Fuck baby. I need - fuck me.” You plead, wiggling your ass.

It’s almost amusing how desperate you are for his cock, but he doesn’t chuckle or slap your ass. Just notching his cock and pushing back inside you with a groan of your name as he holds onto your hips.

“Shit. Oh fuck!” You cry out, fingers grabbing at the sheets as he fills you again, stretching you out even more in this position. “Joel!” You gasp, falling forward onto your elbows.

“That’s right.” Now he slaps your flank. “Told you I’d ride you hard.” He grunts, setting a harsh pace as your cunt squelches around him. “Fuck, you’re so goddamn tight, petty girl.”

He practically straddles you, his knees by yours as he bends you over so he can sink even deeper inside of you. “Fuckkkk.” Your voice rattles as he hammers into you. Your eyes close as you struggle to breathe under his weight but you love it.

He presses his weight into you, aware that you love it from the way you moan. He can’t help but hold you tight, pressing closer and his teeth scrape over your shoulder as he surrounds you.

You let him overtake your senses, letting him use your body however he wants. You moan his name loudly as he rams into you over and over. His cock punching your guts and your cries come out soundless as he wrecks your pussy.

Joel loses himself in you. Forgetting everything but the sound your cunt makes and the way it squeezes him. Growling as he feels himself get closer, knowing that you need to cum again before he finishes.

Your eyes roll into the back of your head as he adjusts his hips and hits a spot inside of you that makes your body shake. “Yessss right thereeee.” You hiss and he focuses on that spot, pushing against it time and time again until finally pushes you over the edge. Your cry is soundless as you cum, soaking him and your thighs shake.

Joel’s hand finds your hair, tangling into it as he yanks your head back. “That’s iiiiiiittttt.” He growls. “So good. Gonna cum, pussy’s too good.” He praises, pulling your head back more so he can kiss along your throat as his thrusts stutter. “Fuuuuuuuuck.” He groans your name and pushes deep, spilling into the condom and burying his face against your neck, relaxing his hold on your hair.

You pant as he presses his cheek against your neck, his hot breath fanning over your skin. You let him ride out his high, rocking back against him as he twitches inside of you. “Fuck. That was - " You can’t even finish the words and Joel smiles against your neck. “That’s - that’s what I needed.”

“Me too.” He groans, reaching back to hold the base of the condom as he pulls out of you. When he moves back, you kind of slither forward to lay on the pillows and he chuckles. “Now, pretty girl.” He groans slightly as he climbs off the bed. “Have you had anything to eat? Want some water? Or just a piss and some sleep?”

“Piss. Water. Food - if you have any - sleep. In that order.” You murmur, feeling boneless, “gonna take me a little to be able to move.” You admit, “you fucked my skeleton out of me.” You chuckle softly, enjoying the scent of him on the pillows.

He snorts as he pulls the condom off and ties it closed. Moving to the en-suite door, he shuffles inside and lifts the toilet seat. “Pisser’s in here.” He calls out as he pees. “When you can move. I’ll go make you some food and get you that water.” He flushes and comes back out, smirking as he walks over and presses his lips to yours. “Steak and eggs good?”

“Where have you been all my life?” You tease, groaning as you shift to sit up as he grabs his briefs from the floor. You watch him pull them on and he winks at you. You groan as you shuffle off of the bed, plucking his shirt from the floor before you practically waddle into his bathroom. It’s clean. No decor and only a few towels. Typical man. You pee and wash your hand, splashing your face while Joel heads downstairs.

He’s got the steaks cooking on the grill pan, over the gas flame and he pokes it with his finger before he moves to the fridge to get the eggs out. He practically lives off steak and eggs, the simple, yet delicious meal one that Ellie loves as well. He hears you start to move around upstairs and chuckles to himself as he pours you a glass of water.

You make your way downstairs on shaky legs, finding the kitchen and you swallow when you see Joel's back muscles moving as he cooks. "A girl could get used to this." You tease, walking over to press a kiss to his back, "thank you for taking such good care of me."

Joel snorts, turning around and grabbing your ass as you walk by. “Sit down before you fall down.” He smirks with pride, he nods towards a chair at the bar with a glass of water sitting in front of it. “Steak’s almost done. You like your eggs scrambled or fried?”

"Fried. Over easy." You tell him as you sit down on the chair, wincing slightly, and you pick up the water to take a sip. You should be recoiling from a man but Joel makes you feel safe. After what happened at the bar, you know he understands you and knows how to handle you. You watch him crack the eggs, "you cook a lot?"

“Have to if I want to eat.” Joel snorts, looking over his shoulder at you. “We had a housekeeper, a while back, but she got married to the Rawlings boy a couple of ranches over and is expecting a little one.” He explains as he slides the eggs around the pan. “Ellie burns water, so if we’re gonna eat, I’ve got to cook.”

You chuckle, “sounds like you know what you’re doing.” You down most of the water and watch as he serves up the eggs. You moan when he sets the plate down in front of you before he sits beside you. “Thank you.” You murmur, reaching for his hand to squeeze it before he picks up his fork.

“Think I should be saying that to you.” He hums, nodding to the food. “Now that we’ve pissed and had water, we are on to the food portion of Joel’s after fucking care.” He jokes. “Eat up.”

You giggle, picking up your knife and fork. You dig in and groan at the taste of the steak and perfectly cooked eggs. “Fuck, you are the whole package. Good lay. Good cook. Just need to see if you can kill a spider.” You nudge him playfully and he chuckles, “I even put the seat down.” You smile and he continues eating. You’re quiet but it’s comfortable, something you’re not used to. You used to be on edge when Josh was quiet, wondering when he’d say something bad.

You finish your water and Joel doesn’t say a word. Just getting up with a slight groan and going to refill it. You are happily digging into the food and he wonders if you had a chance to eat at all while you were at work. He brings it back over and nods when you thank him. Finishing up his own food quickly and moving to load the dishwasher with the dirty plates while you eat the last bites of your food.

“I can do that. You don’t have to do that. You cooked. Let me -” You scramble to grab your plate, rushing over to the dishwasher. “Go sit down. I can - let me do it.” You plead, reminded of the way Josh would demand you load the dishwasher before he finished eating. He didn’t want to finish his meal with a dirty kitchen so you’d have to get up to clean it before he finished his food. If you weren’t fast enough, he’d throw his plate at you. He never hit you but you’d be hit with shards of ceramic from it smashing. He would call you a lazy whore and you’d have to clean up the smashed dishes.

Joel frowns at the panicked tone to your voice and he takes the plate from you gently. “Don’t worry about this.” He grumbles. “Just gonna throw it in. The kid can unload it tomorrow.” His brows scrunch when you freeze in confusion. “You’re my guest, pretty girl. Only thing you need to do for me is hop your sweet ass back in my bed to sleep.” He cocks an eyebrow up. “Unless you’ve decided you want to go home?”

You shake your head, hands shaking slightly, “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t - he used to make me - I had to clean up before he finished eating. He liked a clean house and I- shit. I’m so sorry.” You shake your head, knowing how ridiculous it sounds. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Joel closes the dishwasher and turns around to face you, leaning back against the counter. “You’ve got shit in your past that affects you, so do I.” He shrugs like it’s nothing too serious. “Just let it out when you need to, you ain’t gonna bother me.”

You walk over to him, cupping his cheeks. “Thank you.” You murmur, leaning in to softly kiss him. “Thank you.” You caress his cheek and you drop your hands, feeling silly for your reaction. “You ready to sleep? I’m exhausted and you promised me a sunrise.” You tap his chest.

Joel grabs your hand and squeezes it. “Sleep sounds good.” It’s late and you need some sleep. He needs some sleep, although he’s accustomed to only a few hours. You smile shyly and he turns to lead you out of the kitchen. “You need me to carry you upstairs?”

You nod, “yeah. I don’t think I’m gonna make it. My legs are like jello.” You confess, “can you- I can make it.” You promise and he nods, reaching down to wrap his arm around your legs, his other arm around your waist. He grunts and he lifts you into his arms and you wrap your arms around his neck.

He chuckles again at the dazed and slightly romanticized look on your face as he hauls you up the stairs. “Just like out of one of those books, huh?” He jokes, smirking at you. “Gotta be willing to carry them after you fuck the life of ‘em.”

You can't believe he carried you up the stairs. He sets you down on his bed and pulls the covers over you. "Let me grab you another water and then it's sleep time, baby." He declares and you nod, covering the yawn that escapes your lips.

By the time he grabs the water and comes back up, you are already passed out. It’s kind of cute how you are curled up in the pillow and he sets the water on the nightstand beside you. Climbing into the bed beside you, he turns off the light and closes his eyes, aware that he will be awake in a couple of hours.

"Sweetheart. Wake up." You wince at the slight nudge to your shoulder. "Wanna see the sunrise?" A gruff voice asks you and you open your eyes to look at Joel. "Thought you were gonna wake me up with oral?" You tease, voice rough with sleep.

“Is that what the sunrise is to you?” Joel smirks slightly and shrugs. “If we do that, you’ll miss the sun coming up as you cum.” He teases back.

You groan and sit up, excited to see the sunrise with a handsome man. You rub your eyes and yawn, “I gotta pee.” You murmur, shifting out of bed and you shuffle into the bathroom. Your body aches from his harsh fucking last night but you love it.

Joel had already gotten up and dressed. Laying out a spare toothbrush for you to use. He throws out a heavier jacket than you had worn last night on the bed for you to wear, not wanting you to get cold when you are riding. “Going downstairs to make coffee.” He calls out.

You gurgle around the toothbrush and you wash your face. Redressing in your clothes and sneakers, shrugging on the heavier jacket, you make your way downstairs to where Joel sets a cup of coffee on the counter. “Not sure if you want cream or sugar. Or that oat milk shit.” He grunts and you chuckle, “just cream.” He nods and grabs the creamer for you.

While you take your first sip, Joel pulls out a thermos and pours the rest of the pot into it. Adding creamer for you since he will drink coffee any kind of way. “You ever ridden before?” He asks, unsure of your skill or id he should just drive the truck.

You chuckle, waggling your eyebrows, “depends on what I’m riding.” He raises his eyebrows, a serious look on your face, and you nod, “yeah. Back when I was a kid. I used to ride a lot on my friend’s horse when I’d visit her.”

He nods, happy that he can get the horses out. “I’ve got a sweet little mare that is itching for some exercise.” He tells you. “We’ll make breakfast over the fire at the ridge.”

You feel like you’re in a dream as Joel gathers the bags and you make your way to the stables, it’s dark out but Joel flicks on the lights and you gasp at the set up he has. “Oh they are gorgeous.” You coo as you walk over to a horse, holding your hand out so you don’t spook them.

There’s something about girls and horses. He smirks as he moves to the tack room and grabs a couple of saddles. It won’t take him long to get the horses saddled and on the way. He’s too used to this kind of work. Even if the boys in the bunkhouse aren’t up yet. He walks back and hears you giggle as the horse, the mare he had wanted you to ride, sniffs your hair and attempts to taste it. “She’s a nibbler.” He warns with a grin.

"Like her daddy." You giggle, winking at Joel before ducking your head away from the horse. "She's beautiful." You murmur, stroking her nose and she nuzzles into your hand. "You wanna ride, sweetheart?" You ask her and she grunts into your palm. "We are gonna see the sunrise, beautiful girl." You coo, enamored with the horse.

Joel saddles his own horse and then moves over to you and Sweet Pea. He tells you her name and rolls his eyes playfully when you coo even more at the sweet name. He ties the bags onto the saddle and pats her flank gently. “Ready to go?”

You nod and he grabs the reins of his horse, making his way out of the stable and into the night. The stars are still shining and you follow Joel's lead as you begin to make your way across his land to the hills in the distance. "It's so peaceful out here." You declare, enjoying the solitude with Joel by your side.

“It is.” Joel agrees. “I feel like I can start over here. Maybe not fuck up this time.” He steers you towards the mountain that he wants to show you and watches out for holes or snakes. “Do right by the kid. Give her a fucking future.”

You smile softly, "you seem to really care about the people you love. You're protective. I understand...after everything. You're a good man, Joel. Even if you don't think so." You know his type, brooding and self loathing but he's shown you nothing but kindness.

“You’ve never seen me at my worst.” He reminds you, aware that the violent, brutal side of him could quickly change your mind on his goodness. A rabbit darts out from a burrow and he instinctively reaches for your horse's bridle as he tries to calm the slightly spooked horses. “Easy, easy there.” He grunts out, happy when they just side step nervously and then settle back down. “Good girl, good boy.” He soothes, patting them on the necks.

Your heart flutters at the way he handles the horses and you continue on your journey, the sky starting to lighten but no sunrise just yet. "Everyone has a bad side. It's about how we handle our demons. You have been nothing but kind to me." You shrug and the cool morning air hits your face.

He admires your positivity, despite the abuse from your ex. You are good to the very marrow of your bones. Ellie would like you. “Demons.” He grunts, “well, most of the time, I just shoot ‘em.” He guides you further onto his property, up the mountain to the little ridge he loves to watch the sunrise from. “Here we are.”

You gasp at the sight in front of you. The sky is brightening up and you see the mountains in the distance. “Wow.” You murmur, staring at the beauty in front of you. Joel dismounts and guides his horse over to the tree to tie him up, patting his side before he comes over to help you off of your horse. “It’s gorgeous.” You murmur when he helps you down and takes the reins.

“It’s my favorite place.” Joel confesses, motioning to the flat rock where he likes to sit. “I’ll get the coffee, and we can sit.” He tosses you a blanket to spread over the cold rock.

You spread the blanket out on the ground and settle down, watching him grab the bags from the saddle and carry them over. You eagerly take the flask of coffee and the two plastic mugs, pouring the hot liquid into them.

“After the sun comes up, I’ll make a fire and we’ll cook some breakfast.” Joel promises. “Bacon, eggs and toast sound good?” He smirks and holds up a can of beans. “Or are you a beans on toast kind of gal?” He tosses the can up and shrugs when he catches it. “It’s actually pretty good.”

“No beans.” You snort, taking a sip of your coffee. 

The steaming cup of coffee warms his hand and adds to the beauty of the moment. watching as the pink hues break and the bright sun flashes over the horizon and bathes the valley below in sunlight."Beautiful." Joel whispers softly.

You are silent, just taking in the sunrise and it takes your breath away. When the sun is above the horizon, you lift your cheek from his shoulder and turn to look at him. “Thank you for showing me this. When I - before I escaped, I thought I was destined to die at the hands of my husband - physically or mentally. I never imagined I’d be safe and watching the sunrise. Thank you for bringing me out here.”

"This is a place for new beginnings." He murmurs softly. "Never thought I would get one, but I know you damn sure deserve one." He looks into your eyes seriously. "You'll be safe here. No matter what."

You know he isn’t one for gushing gratitudes so you simply nod and lean in to kiss his cheek. You watch the sky for another few moments before he starts to set up the fire for breakfast. “Where did you learn all of this?” You ask, knowing you wouldn’t have a clue how to start a fire. “My Pa. Taught me and Tommy when we were kids. Used to go camping in the middle of nowhere in Texas.” He confesses, “he taught us how to survive. Figured the world was gonna end one day and we’d all have to fight for our lives.” He snorts at the memory of his father. You hum, “like a zombie apocalypse?” You ask and Joel snorts, “yeah.”

"After Tommy got out of the Army....he helped me for a while. We were contractors. Built houses and shopping malls." It seems like Joel is talking about another life. He is talking about another man. Life had been so simple back then. "Then...after Sarah....Tommy moved out west and when I- I couldn't stay anymore, I followed him. Came out here, started over."

You watch him as he prepares the breakfast, “at least you came out here. Started over. Some people…they wouldn’t survive what you went through.” You tell him and he sighs, “some days it doesn’t feel like it.” You understand that. “But you’re still here. And it takes time.” You tell him and he tuts, “wasn’t time. It was Ellie.” Your heart melts at that and you watch him place the bacon on the now hot pan. “And she’s lucky to have you.”

He doubts that, but he won't let her down. He pokes at the bacon and looks around the valley, the sun clearing the horizon. "Well, she's got me." He snorts, smirking slightly. "Sometimes she hates it. Says I'm too parentified. whatever that means."

You giggle, “maybe you need to loosen up a little. She’s a teenager, right? Just need to let her have a drink now and then and let her date someone stupid.” You tell him, “I know. I was a teenage girl.”

"She tries whiskey every time I drink some at home." Joel glances back over at you and grins. "Hates it every time." HIs grin widens when you laugh and he shrugs. "Hasn't seemed interested in anyone yet."

You shrug, "maybe she will, maybe she won't. You'll be a good father to her whatever happens." You can tell he's a strong character, strong in his resolve to be better. "You just gotta let her make some mistakes. Lord knows my parents let me fuck up...but they would've said no to Josh." You murmur, frowning at the realization that he was never the man you thought he was.

“Everyone needs to make mistakes, although I know she’s going to be making all new ones.” He hums, smirking slightly at the headstrong girl and her convictions. He looks back at the bacon and he frowns slightly. “Did your parents….are they gone?” He asks, understanding that they must be. 

You nod, “car accident. I was in college when I got the call. Some asshole drunk driver. I - they never got to see me graduate. I barely did. Got lost in the booze and partying to deal with my grief.” You confess, “nearly fucked everything up but they left me their house in the will. Josh made me sell it. Used half of the money for a down payment on our house and he - he spent the rest of the money. Gambling. He was - I was scared and alone and grieving. I just wanted to belong somewhere and he took advantage.”

Joel frowns, jaw clenched at the idea of you being taken advantage of while you were so vulnerable. While you were trapped in your grief. “Maybe you can find a new home. A new life where you don’t have to worry about being taken advantage of.” He offers quietly. “A life your parents would be proud of. One that you are happy in.” 

“That’s why I left. Why I moved here. I can’t touch the account. He’d be able to find me. I need time to figure out what to do next but one day…I’m hoping I find a home. A place I can relax and be happy in.” You confess, watching Joel serve up the food after he fried the eggs.

“You think he will come looking for you here?” Joel asks, sitting down beside you after handing you one of the tin plates the hands take on the trail. “Since your aunt is here? Would he remember?”

You shake your head, “she met him once, when we got married. He didn’t really know about her. Kinda cut me off from her after we got married. Said I was his new family.” You sigh and shake your head, knowing you made mistakes. “I hope he doesn’t find me. I never told him where she was. I - shit - I have been so careful to not let him know where I am.”

“Well, you can get close to her now, repair that relationship.” He points out. “Abusers like to isolate their victims. Make them feel like they have nowhere to turn, no one to talk to about what they are doing.” He’s seen it before.

“I know that now. In the beginning, he made me feel so special. I felt so stupid for believing him. I didn’t - shit. I got away from him and I want to start again. I want to live and not feel like I am constantly triggered by my asshole ex.” You shake your head and take the mess tin from his hand when he offers it to you.

“Look at you, talking shit out.” Joel teases softly, picking up the thermos to refill your coffees. “After fucking it out. You’re on the road to recovery.” He chuckles when you snort and roll your eyes, taking the cup back from him. “Shut up.” You huff and he nods. “When you eat your breakfast.”

You dig into the food, the sun making everything shimmer and it’s like the ushering in of your new life. “Thank you.” You say to him again and he shakes his head, “stop sayin’ thanks.” You chuckle and he winks at you, taking a bite of his eggs. 

**** 

“Thank-” Joel cuts you off with a stare and you close your mouth. You shift over in the cab of his truck, parked outside of the bar where your apartment is, and you reach up to cup his cheek. “If I can’t say it…” You trail off and lean in to kiss him. He cups your cheek, kissing you back, and you pull back after a moment, a smile on your face. “I had a good time. I’ll see you around hopefully?” You ask, tilting your head.

Nodding, Joel leans back. “Of course.” He smirks. “Coldest beer in town is served right under your apartment.” He teases. “And if I’m not showin’ up quick enough, you come out to the ranch. Even if I’m out, one of the boys can find me.”

“I’m sure I’ll see you in the bar.” You smirk and grab your purse to pull your keys out, realizing that you don’t want to wait too long to see Joel again. “Do you maybe want to come for dinner? I’m not working tomorrow night and I need to repay you for being so great.”

“You don’t need to repay me for anything.” Joel huffs. “But dinner sounds good.” He agrees. “Seven sound good?” He figures everyone will be done with the fence lines then and he’s not moving cattle between pastures. Only thing he was thinking about doing was going to an auction to see about some sheep.

You smile, “see you tomorrow at seven, handsome.” You get out of his truck and shut the door, walking up to the door that leads to the apartment above the bar. You turn to see him watching you and you offer him a small wave before unlocking the apartment and disappearing upstairs.

Joel sits in his truck for another minute, ignoring the few cowboys that are milling around in the parking lot before he puts the truck in reverse and backs out. He needs to go talk to Tommy, because he has a feeling that your ex will show up. You’re too good to let go of that easily.

You shower and change, getting ready for the rest of the day. You decide to head out and get some groceries for dinner tomorrow night. You do some laundry and sleep the day away, exhausted after Joel fucking you hard, until you open the bar for the night. It's an uneventful night but Jerry seems to treat you with kid gloves as you serve the locals. The next morning, you are excited to see Joel again and you head downstairs to the bar to clean up and take the cash to the bank. You're mopping the floor when you hear the door open. You could've sworn you locked it. "Hey. We’re closed!" You call out and turn when you don't hear the door close again. 

"I think you can make an exception for me, honey." You inhale sharply, spinning around to see Josh. "What - how - you're-?" You choke, heart pounding in your chest as your ex husband stands in front of you. He's found you. You shake your head, dropping the mop, and you run towards the bar to get the phone. 

"Ah ah ah. I don't think so. We need to talk." Josh rushes towards you, grabbing your arm, and you cry out. Shouting for help as he tries to physically restrain you. You fight, slapping and scratching him, but he jerks your body. "You stupid bitch. Thought you could run away. You will never be rid of me." He hisses and you scream, spinning around to hit him but he side steps and you fall forward, hitting your head on the bar. You crumble to the floor and your head pounds as Josh stands above you. "You are mine, baby." He reminds you and you wince as your eyes close, wondering what will happen to you now.

It’s not yet seven, but Joel had finished up early and decided that he could stop by and get a bottle of wine to bring, like he had good manners. He had thought that if you were too tired to cook after working, there’s a dinner that has a good meal. Or you order a pizza and call it good. He’s not that picky. Parking around back, he frowns slightly when he notices a van but he doesn’t think twice as he gets out and climbs up the stairs to your apartment to knock.

Your head lolls, pounding from the way you hit the edge of the bar, and you barely register that you have been tied to a chair. A rag wrapped around your head and covering your mouth to stop you from screaming. Your eyes widen when you gain more consciousness when the doorbell rings and you scream against the gag. "Don't be rude, honey. I bet that your auntie coming to say hello. Interfering old cunt will get what's coming to her. She should learn it is wrong to come between a man and his wife. Fucking old hag trying to take you away from me." Josh huffs, walking over to the door to open it and he is shocked when he sees a man, not your dear old aunt.

Joel’s eyes narrow and he tilts his head as he says your aunt’s name. “She’s not here, is she?” He asks, holding up the bottle of wine. “Told her I’d bring her a bottle the next time I was in town.” He’s got a good fucking idea who this bastard is, but he can’t give it away right now. Josh scoffs. “She’s not here.” He rolls his eyes and Joel nods, seeing a leg of a chair and a leg tied to it. He smiles blandly. “Well, I’ll try again next time.” He tells Josh. “Sorry to bother you.” He tips his hat and feigns turning to leave as the bastard closes the door.

Tears stream down your cheeks as you hear Joel leave. Part of you is relieved that he’s not involved in this, the other part feels hopeless as the only person who could save you leaves you. You sob against the gag and Josh comes over to you. “You must think I’m fucking stupid.” Josh hisses, “some guy comes to the apartment with wine and asks for your aunt? Seems too fucking suspicious. He was looking for you, wasn’t he? Goddamn. I turn my back for a minute and you’re already sitting on some other guy's dick. Jesus Christ. I married a whore. A useless fucking whore.” He strides over to you and slaps your cheek, making you gasp against the gag in pain.

Joel stomps down the steps noisily but then he’s creeping back up, trying to look in the window when he hears you cry out and a dark hiss. “I should just fucking kill you, you useless slut. We’re married!” You cry out, the sound muffled, as he hears a sharp slap. Joel clenches his jaw, knowing that he should call the Sheriff, but he would rather deal with this fucker himself. Lowering his shoulder, Joel slams it against the door, breaking through it and launching himself at your estranged husband.

Your eyes widen, full of tears as Joel drags your husband down to the floor. His fists immediately hitting his face and Josh kicks him to try and get him off. “You motherfucker!” Josh growls, “fucked my wife and-” Joel hits his jaw and he cries out in pain.

Joel sees red, looking up and seeing your panicked eyes, the swelling on your face. He climbs on top of Josh and pulls his fist back. Slamming it into the fucker’s nose to break it and from there, it’s just hit after hit. Blow after blow as Joel beat him unconscious.

You can't do anything but watch. Eyes wide as you witness Joel beat your husband to unconsciousness. You cry out against the gag, not wanting Joel to be arrested for killing your husband. He doesn't deserve a prison sentence when he has Ellie.

When you cry out again, you break through the rage fueled haze that Joel is in. Stopping before the last blow is delivered and he pants, dropping Josh back to the floor where he was holding him up by his shirt. The man’s head hits with a thud and he climbs off of him to pull out a knife. “I’m going to cut you out of there.” He promises, not wanting to spook you after you’ve obviously been tormented by your ex. “I’m going to get you out of here, pretty girl.”

You are breathing heavily as he cuts your ties and removes your gag. You swallow, your throat dry, and he helps you stand on shaky legs but you collapse, the fear draining your strength. “I got you.” Joel promises, wrapping his arm around your waist to help you stand up. “I- he - shit.” You finally choke out, “he found me.”

“It’s okay.” Joel promises you. “He’s not gonna hurt you ever again.” You choke out another sound, almost like you don’t believe him but Joel doesn’t say anything. Instead, he helps you towards the door. “Come on, pretty girl, we need to get you out of here.”

You let him guide you down the stairs on your shaky legs and you are struggling to breathe when the cool night air hits your face. “Hey. Hey. It’s okay. It’s me. It’s Joel. Just breathe.” He orders, cupping your cheeks, and you inhale deeply, trying to calm down.

Joel can see that you are trying not to break and he scoops you up, carrying you over to his truck. He opens the door and sets you in the seat. Pulling out his phone, he dials a number. “Tommy.” He grunts when the other end picks up. “Get the boys from my ranch and meet me at the bar.” He tells him. “We’ve got a critter needs disposed of.”

Your hands are shaking as you listen to Joel summon his brother and you aren't sure what to think. Josh threatened to kill you, Joel saved you and nearly beat Josh to death. "Are you - are you going to kill him?" You ask, "he's not worth jail time. I'm not worth jail time."

“Don’t worry about that.” Joel doesn’t want you to worry. He reaches out and cups your cheek. “Listen to me.” He tells you carefully. “He will never bother you again. Ever. You don’t have to look over your shoulder, you don’t have to be scared. You will never see him again.”

You nod, swallowing harshly as he settles you in his truck. "You - shit - you saved me." You murmur, surging forward to wrap your arms around his neck and breathe him in. "You saved me. He - he was gonna kill me."

“It’s okay, pretty girl.” Joel promises, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing gently. “You don’t have to worry any more.”

You breathe him in and relax knowing he's got you. "Your hands." You murmur, bringing his arm from around you so you can inspect the broken skin. "You need to bandage these." You realize that this is what he means by his demons, his method of coping. You want to take care of him like he took care of you.

“It’s okay.” He winces when you press on a knuckle, sure that he’s fractured it. But it’s only a hairline fracture. “I’ll take care of it later.” He’s more worried about you. “Do you need a doctor, pretty girl?”

You shake your head, "no. No. I- he didn't do anything more than bruise me. I'll heal." You promise and Joel nods, "I'll bring you back to my place after my brother arrives." He tells you and you nod, "okay. I- I just want to get away from him."

Joel knows that it won’t take long for Tommy to get there and he pulls out a blanket from the back. It’s an old horse blanket but it’s clean. Draping it over your legs, he pats your knee and sighs. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

You shake your head, "you saved me. If you hadn't - I don't know what he would've done. He wanted to take me home and I think...he would've killed me." You choke, "you arrived just in time."

“I wouldn’t let that happen.” He promises, knowing he would have tracked that motherfucker down. He pulls back when he hears the truck pull up and turns to see Tommy jump out. “Let me go talk to my brother.” He murmurs softly.

You inhale deeply, trying to calm your racing heart. You watch in the wing mirror as Joel speaks to his brother. "What the fuck happened, man?" Tommy asks, seeing the state of his brother's fists.

Joel glances down at his hand and shakes his head. “Her ex found her.” He gestures back towards the truck. “He had her tied up in her apartment. I busted in.” He explains. “He’s unconscious upstairs.”

"You want me to - to get rid of him?" Tommy asks, tilting his head. "Don't - I mean, I nearly fucking killed him but she stopped me. Just get him the fuck out of here. Maybe drop him off at a hospital in Denver?" Joel suggests and Tommy snorts, "away from here. Got it." He nods, whistling to the boys to follow him upstairs. You look up as Joel gets into his truck, starting the engine. "Thank you, baby." You murmur, watching him as he pulls away from the bar.

“They’re going to make sure he knows to never come near you again.” Joel explains. “Next time he comes to Jackson, he will be a dead man walking.” If the man ever showed his face again, Joel would personally put a bullet in his head. “For now, I’m taking you home. You’re staying with me.”

You look out the window as Jackson passes by, the town turning to fields and you try to think about how Joel saved you, not about what he saved you from. When he pulls up outside of his house, you open the door but he's already there to help you out.

“Here we are.” You are shaking slightly and he knows that you are about to freak out. “Get inside and we’ll have a drink. Or three.” He moves you gently and speaks softly. “Get you cleaned up. You want to soak in a bath? Damn tub is good for when you’re sore.”

"A bath sounds amazing." You confess with a soft groan. He escorts you inside and when he shuts the door, you break down. Now that you're safe, you start to sob and wrap your arms around yourself.

Joel panics slightly, shuffling slightly and moving towards you before he stops. “I- I don’t know what you want me to do. Can I touch you?” He asks softly.

You nod, knowing he isn’t Josh. The fact that he asked about touching you makes you calm down a little and his arms immediately engulf you. You nuzzle your face into his chest, breathing him in. He saved you. He’s not Josh. He saved you. This is Joel.

Joel reaches up, caressing your head gently. He doesn’t speak, just holds you close and rocks you gently. Letting you break down like you need to, just keeping you safe while you work through your emotions.

You aren’t sure how long you sob into his chest. His hands caressing your back, and you soak his shirt. “I’m sorry, I - shit. I need - I don’t want to cry about that fucking asshole anymore.” You shake your head, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.

“You needed to get it out.” Joel grumbles softly. “Now how about that drink and bath?” You nod, sniffling and he nods too. “I’ll get you the drink.”

“As long as you get in the bath with me. You need to soak those fists.” You say and lean in to kiss his cheek, “come sit in the bath with me, baby.” You order, wanting to feel him surrounding you.

“Go start it.” Joel smirks, looking at you softly. “I’ll bring the drinks. We can have a drink in the bath. You relax and then I’ll put you to bed.”

You don’t waste time heading to his bathroom and turning on the water. You are exhausted now after everything that has happened and you pray that Josh will no longer be a problem. You want to file for divorce as soon as possible. Finding the bubble bath shoved deep in the cabinet under the sink, you pour a good amount in and start to strip, ignoring your face in the mirror. You don’t want to see what he did to you.

Joel decides that the night calls for full drinks, getting the juice glasses out of the kitchen and pouring out most of the bottle of whiskey between them. Carrying them upstairs and watching as you sit in the tub. “Here.” He holds one out to you. “Best sleep med I’ve got.”

You take the glass from him, sipping the liquor and you wince at the burn while he sets his drink down and starts to strip. “You wanna get in behind me?” You ask, shifting forward to allow him the room to get in the bath.

Joel grabs two towels and drops them by the tub before he steps in. Hissing slightly at how hot the water is. Apparently you wanted to sit for some time, so he cups his cock and balls before he sits down, needing to protect them from the sudden temperature change. “You like it hot.” He huffs and he settles down and pulls you back against him.

"I do. Sorry." You murmur as you lean back against him, sipping your drink before you set it down on the edge of the tub. You close your eyes as his arm wraps around you. "I can't thank you enough for this. For everything."

“I was going to kill him.” Joel admits quietly. “For hurting you. For fucking touching you.” His arm is draped over your stomach and his thumb brushes your hip gently. “Already alerted the sheriff that I would.” He chuckles quietly. “He told me to just make sure a bear found him before anybody else.”

"Sounds like a good sheriff." You chuckle before you swallow, "you were going to kill him for me? Baby...I- I've never known a man like you. I know we just met but I really like you, Joel. I want to stay in Jackson and I want to get to know you more. Know Ellie. I - I like you a lot." You confess, "I am damaged goods so I'm not sure if you want to deal with all that shit."

“You aren’t any more damaged than me. Than the kid.” Joel snorts. “You stay right here and get to know us. See if we don’t drive you crazy in two days.” He teases. “I’ve got plenty of shit that I’ve dealt with, helping a pretty girl cum and giving her a shoulder to lean on ain’t much of a problem to me.”

You grin, turning your head to kiss his jaw, “thank you. I would love to get to know you both. I want to stick around and make a life here.” You murmur and he turns his head, softly kissing you. “And I wouldn’t mind you making me cum a few more times.”

He hums against your lips, twitching against your back but he doesn’t start touching you. He wants to make sure you are in control of what happens right now. “You just tell me when, pretty girl.”

“Now.” You murmur, wanting to feel him inside of you. You want to make him feel good and you want to know that you’re safe in his arms. His lips meet yours, spurred in by the adrenaline of beating up your husband, and you shift to straddle him after setting your drink down on the ledge.

Joel would never take advantage of you, but he will give you what you need. Squeezing your ass as you grind down against him, “you want to cum, pretty girl?” He asks roughly, kissing down your jaw and pressing his tongue to an abrasion on your neck.

You moan, tilting your head for him, and you reach between you to grip his cock, pumping him between your bellies. “I’m on birth control. IUD. Want you to - want you inside of me. If you want.” You tell him breathlessly, moaning his name as he squeezes your ass.

“Fuuuuck.” Joel groans out, jerking his hips up in your grip. “I don’t mind that.” He murmurs, flicking his tongue against your pulse. “‘m clean. You just take what you want. Sit on my cock if you want it.”

You reach down to position him at your entrance, you slowly sink down onto him and he groans, his hands caressing your waist and back. “Fuck. You feel so good.” You pant, “saved me. Saved my life.” You murmur, starting to rock on top of him.

Joel groans, squeezes and caresses your ass and up your back as you work yourself on his cock. “You’re safe.” He grunts. “Not gonna let anything happen to you.” He doesn’t know why, but he’s attached to you, protective. Perhaps it’s crazy, but he would have killed for you.

His words wash over you, making your heart thump, and you caress his cheeks, leaning in to kiss him. It's crazy but you feel so comfortable and safe with him, like you've known him your entire life. He feels like home. "Baby." You gasp when he thrusts up into you, the water sloshing in the tub.

“It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you.” Joel tightens his hold on you, not hard enough to hurt you but to take over. He takes one arm and slides it down to rub your clit. “You want to cum? You want to cream all over my cock? Feel like you are flying?” He grunts into your skin, face buried against your neck.

You nod, a cry escaping your throat as he rubs your clit, thrusting up into you. “Fuck, Joel. Yes. Yes. Right there.” You choke when he thrusts into the right spot. His hips focus on that angle, making you choke as he pushes you higher and higher until you fall apart with a squeal of his name. The water splashing on the floor as you convulse around him.

Joel groans your name, kissing your neck and along your shoulder as you ride out your high. Slowly rolling his hips as the water settles around you both. “Good, pretty girl?” He asks, smirking slightly when he hears you still panting. “Or you need another one?”

You tangle your fingers in his hair, dragging his face to yours to press your lips against his. Your tongue invades his mouth and he eagerly responds to your invasion, groaning softly. “I want one more. I’m greedy for you.” You confess, rocking down into him.

“Haven’t cum yet.” Joel leans back, cupping your tits in his hands as he squeezes them gently. “Use me, pretty girl.” He commands. “Ride my cock and rub your clit.”

You can’t deny him. You shift back to rock onto his cock, water sloshing as you gasp his name and rub your clit, rocking back onto him a little faster. His dark eyes watch you, flicking between your tits and where his cock disappears inside of you.

“That’s it.” He groans, twitching inside of you. “That’s it, pretty girl. You’re so good to me. Feel so good around my cock.” He praises. “He was a fool,” he grunts, squeezing your tits again. “Shoulda worshiped you. Taken care of you. You’re a prize to appreciate.”

His words wash over you, cleaning off the harsh insults of your husband and replaced by his praises. You clench around him and he groans, leaning in to kiss along your shoulder, and you rub your clit a little faster, wanting to fall apart for him.

Joel groans and hisses your name, feeling his own body start to tense, but he doesn’t want to cum yet. Not before you do again. “So fuckin’ tight.” He moans.

His moan works you up, making you bounce on his cock and the water splashes over the side of the tub. “Fuck. Oh fuck, baby. I’m gonna - you’re gonna make me-” You squeal as you fall apart around his cock, soaking him as you shudder through your orgasm.

Joel doesn’t let up this time, taking over and thrusting up into you. Groaning out your name as he starts to cum, hips stuttering as he gives in and buries himself deep. Painting your walls with hot ropes of his cum.

You whimper at the feel of his hot seed coating your walls and you tangle your fingers in his hair, bringing his mouth back to yours. You’re so thankful he saved you. In more ways than you know right now. He saved you from your husband and he saved you from yourself. 

**** 

“Ellie. Keep up!” Joel yells over his shoulder at the teenager who decides to join you for your sunset ride. After Joel beat your husband up, he brought you home and after you were settled, he left to the place your husband was being kept. You don’t know to this day what he said to Josh but the next thing you knew, your divorce papers were filed. You managed to live in peace in Jackson, getting to know Joel more, getting to know his family. You’ve fallen for the rancher and you moved into his home a month ago, your aunt telling you to go for it. You were wary at first to take such a big step but you are happy you did. You love Joel and Ellie. Your family. The divorce came through last week, so you're officially a single woman. 

“She’s fine. She won’t miss it.” You tell Joel as you ride alongside him, trotting down to the river to watch the sunrise and have breakfast.

Joel grunts, shifting in his saddle and glances back at the girl before looking at you again. “She’s a pain in the ass.” He huffs, making you laugh. 

“You always say that.” You point out, making him roll his eyes. He’s been looking forward to this for a while. You have been happier, brighter, since the divorce came through. Happy that you can fully move on with your life and not be tied to him in any kind of way. Joel looks over at you with a small smirk. “Still sore, pretty girl?” He asks, thinking about how hard he had fucked you last night.

You chuckle, “nothing I can’t handle, cowboy.” You wink at him, “gotta be able to take what you give me.” You shift on the saddle, loving the slight ache in your body. He makes you feel loved, desired, even if he doesn’t say it often, you know how he feels.

“Good.” Hopefully you mean that. Since you’ve been here in his life, Joel’s been happier. Smiling more. Looking forward to the time where he’s back at the main house and spending time with you and Ellie. Not that he hasn’t enjoyed time with Ellie before, but the three of you feel like a family. He urges his horse faster. “Come on, or we are going to miss it. It’s a special sunrise.”

You follow him, Ellie behind you, and you arrive at the river just as the sun is about to appear over the horizon. Joel dismounts his horse, helping you down and then he helps Ellie down, tying up the horses. You grab the saddle bags and carry them over to the edge of the river to the rocks you usually sit on. Joel comes to sit next to you, opening the saddle bag to pull out the flask of coffee, handing it to you and he hands Ellie her flask of juice. She hates coffee. “I never get tired of this.” You murmur, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Hope not.” Ellie knows what’s coming, he’s talked to her about it. Enduring her teasing and jokes even more than usual in order to make sure that she’s okay with the potential change. Joel sets his hand down on your free one and threads his thick fingers through yours. “Hopin’ you might want to stay.” He confesses quietly and pulls out a small velvet box from his jacket pocket. He had felt like a fool going into the jewelry store, but Willie’s wife had told him that you would love it. “Forever. Watch the sun rise with me until we are too damn old to get up here.” You pull away and look into his eyes in complete shock. “Love you, pretty girl. Will you marry me?”

Your heart pounds in your chest and you swallow harshly, throat suddenly dry but fuck, you are so in love with him. He's proven to be an incredible partner. Treating you as an equal, both of you damaged but understanding of the other. You feel like you're home when you're with him. No matter where you are. "Ye-yes. Yes. Oh my God. Yes." You choke, surging forward to press your lips to his just as the sun rises. His hand cups your cheek until he pulls back, fumbling with his thick fingers to take the delicate ring from the box.

"I hope you like it. Didn't know your style." He confesses as he slides it onto your finger and you stare at the diamond in awe. "It's perfect. This is perfect." You promise and Ellie comes over to hug you, "just make sure you guys don't put me in some frilly dress for the wedding." Ellie jokes and you giggle, tears in your eyes as you pull her close and Joel wraps his arms around you both. Your new family. You never imagined when you were trapped in a loveless marriage that you'd be happy one day yet here you are, engaged to a wonderful man with a step daughter you adore. Just like the sun rising over the horizon, your life is bright and colorful and full of hope.