#my askbox is empty and it makes me sad

[lunar-orca]

my ask box is open ♥️ btw ♥️ id love to talk to yall ♥️ please

[chainslobber]

Not a vent but kinda/sorta sad typing.

People always joke about peaking in high school, but I really don't think I ever peaked or ever will. It's weird to say but like...no matter what I do in life, I just barely get by. Two real life friends and one is 3000 miles away and the other always makes excuses and never wants to hang. My streams are empty. Regulars stopped coming by or saying thank you. Fics get lukewarm responses and hits. Never went on vacation before.

I'm not complaining, rest assured, but it feels odd when you see other people basically idolized online. Can't help but think "how did they do that, why not me?" Seeing a fresh fic of someone's hit 100+ comments overnight, or the same people always invited as zine guests, or a doodle being everywhere across social media cuz so many people shared it. I try so hard to write better, to draw better, to climb the stairs. I love seeing my friends being successful and achieving their dreams, i want the best for them. Happiness is a rare commodity in this lifetime and they all earned it! It's not even so much the "fame" but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want the attention, too.

I daydream and talk to myself sometimes like I'm streaming. Like I have hundreds of people all at once happy to hang out with me. I pretend I'm a voice actor, or a writer, or a big artist and I talk to myself. It curbs the loneliness but only a little. I got bullied a lot for being poor and smelly, for being weird in too-small or too-big clothes, for being edgy and into anime. People hung out to look good in comparison or to be nice.

And now, in my lonely 30s, my friends online talk about their house, their vacations, their promotions. They talk about their friends, their askboxes blow up, people love their fics and art and I'm left wondering, at the end of my rope, "how did they do that, why not me?"

My therapist just tells me I'm overthinking and that I'll be alright. She tells me it's just the childhood neglect and the RSD but when does it go away? When will I be happy? Because needing attention or support or compliments shouldn't be it. I should feel fulfilled but idk how. I don't know if I ever will.

[vincord]

Hi Vin, i hope im not bothering you, but before the year ends I just want to tell you that i love you /p!!! You've been a big source of inspiration for me in so many ways for the past say 2 years i think! I dont even know if words can describe how much of an impact you and your art has made on me, even the ones that dont get many notes, but please know that they make me feel mostly warm & fuzzy. Mostly! Because your angst art hits me SO HARD in the feels... Especially the ones with Kazui and Haruka (Your oc!).... Seriously your art is wonderful, i keep revisiting them just to stare at the textures and the way you stylize the characters the colors the mood and- ehdvjwnwj so sorry for rambling!!!

I know this year has been hard on you so i want you to know that we'll all be here waiting, praying, and supporting you as much as we possibly can, and we believe in you!! And Happy New Years!!!! We love you ❤️

I open this message for several days every day, reading it in its entirety from beginning to end, and then I just sit in front of the screen for a long time and stare at it, not knowing what to say to it, and then I close it, only to open it and read it again the next day.

Every message like this makes me happy, and I'm genuinely happy to read it and know that people appreciate me and what I do, even if I not and just don't understand the reasons for it myself. I always want to write an extensive text to a message like this, to let people know that their words and time were not wasted and really reached me, that I received them and really appreciate what they are doing for me. But my head is always empty, there's not even a tumbleweed in it, just a black hole. But I want to tell you and the others that I come back from time to time to all these messages that people write to me in the askbox. Both the ones I answered and the ones that continue to be in the askbox for a year or two, because at that time I just wanted to leave them there to reread.

I wish I could stop being forever sad and whiny, but i guess I'm with this forever. Well, at least it gives me the opportunity to write and draw angst based on my own feelings. Not bad, huh.

I hope I'm not burdening you or anyone else. Thank you, anon, and happy new year to you too. May it be better and kinder for all of us.

[mr-payjay]

what are your thoughts on bpd paintbrush?

i don't really agree with it. if you or anyone else would like to prove it to me, id be happy to hear it though! i love it when people counter me on these subjects!

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment: i don't see this one. they DID experience abandonment when marshmallow left them, but their reactions were temporary and not frantic, so im not convinced.

2. pattern of unstable relationships marked by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation (splitting): okay, yes, this happened Once as far as i know. in home is where the heart is with cabby, where they immediately get ridiculously upset with her when she says something against lightbulb.

3. identity disturbance: hmm id argue yes. one of the crew once said that paintbrush, though they know they're "supposed" to be an artist, doesn't exactly feel like one. i feel like seeking fame and trying to make a name for themself also means something in this.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self damaging: not as far as i know? their impulsivity mostly affects others, like punching fan or trying to smash the egg. the point of this symptom is usually to soothe chronic cluster B boredom, and paintbrush is only negatively (KEYWORD negatively) impulsive when extremely angry, not when bored.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior or s/h: not as far as im aware

6. affective instability (mood swings): mostly seems to just swing between anger and normal happiness. doesn't seem to fit bpd's usual expansive range of emotions in my opinion, like extreme joy, extreme rage, extreme fear, extreme sadness, extreme everything. it's just anger that is intense for them.

7. chronic feelings of emptiness: not as far as im aware

8. inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger: yeah, they canonically have anger issues. however, they are able to calm themselves down pretty quickly (eg getting mad at silver spoon in best served cold but then easily laughing once he gets dunked in the pie, about to smash the egg in everything's a-oj and then calming down and stopping).

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms: not as far as im aware

so that's 3 out of 9, with the minimum being 5 out of 9 to qualify for bpd. im not as familiar with paintbrush so if anyone wants to counter me on this you are free and welcome to do so in my askbox or comments. askbox is great if you wanna do an analysis or something. i looked at these symptoms for them a long time ago and found that i disagree with bpd paintbrush (just writing down my thoughts properly Now since ive been asked). this is nothing against the headcanon though and i believe one should enjoy it as much as they like :) just my personal analysis

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ୨୧

Hi!! I had no idea who you were at first, but when I looked at your blog and saw you're @golden-jeon-jungkook, I fangirled for a moment! I was so honored you sent me this ask! I really like your blog! Bless you for the Jungkook content!! I feel like there aren't that many Jungkook biased accounts creating their own content here!

Ok, so, five things that make me happy! I'm going to cheat a bit since some of these are connected to each other...

Jungkook? And BTS (obvious answer, sorry, but it's so true, they are on my mind 24/7). Fun fact, I finally, fucking finally, saw a poster of Jungkook's third CK campaign (you know, the photo when he's leaning back against the wall, all pouty), on a CK store near me! I fucking flipped and made my mom stressed thinking something bad had happened, lmao. Nope, just finally saw a BTS member in Portugal... I took pics and everything. I'm pretty sure the store lady saw me... I also saw one of the jackets JK wore in the campaign, and it's like I could picture him wearing it - like holding the jacket was like holding Jungkook or something. I'm not crazy! but it's amazing how something so small, like a poster or clothes like the ones Jungkook wore, can brighten my day... That's BTS's power... I know that when get sad now, I'll pass by the store if I can and it'll make me feel proud of Jungkook and BTS, and happier to see my baby. Just like randomly hearing LC play on a playlist at that same shopping mall melted away the irritation and anger I was feeling at the time, leaving only pride and excitement behind...

My parents (should probably come first, lmao)

Having dinner and time to myself after a long day at work (there's nothing quite like it, I'm like 'no thoughts, head empty', just wanna chill; it's honestly the only thing that makes work seem meaningful, although that's a lie)

Going on longs walks during the weekend (it's a great way to burn calories, build muscle, and force myself out of the house! I'm all about building muscle), and, tbh, just working out in general and getting stronger (I'm proud of my arms but they should be bigger! I wish I had JK's body lmao)

The vegan pastries, cookies and sweets I buy on Friday and during the weekends (hence, why I need to work out so much)

I know it's supposed to be 5 things, but I want to add my sustainable and ethically curated wardrobe and stuff...

Anyway, thanks for the ask!!! Sorry I ramble so much! Love your blog <3

[itterasshai-eren7]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ♡

Hello, I kind of don't understand but come on, the things that make me happy and that I also like. It's listening to music, reading books, Fanfics or anything that catches my attention, pictures of kittens and bunnies and cute puppies, and sleeping because when I'm sleeping I don't feel sad or empty. Now tell me what are your five things that make you happy?

Now about sending it to the question box of my followers or those who follow me, I kind of don't like sending anything without purpose, and I also don't like to disturb them. but thank you for sending me an ask, you are the second person to do this. 🩷🩵

[void-star]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for people who reblogged something from you recently! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Aaaaa okay

Sunlight

Summer-time night driving on empty highways with the music blasting

Engaging in the process of artistic expression in all its forms

All the ways my friends show me they think of me ♡

All the worst bad sad characters in stories, especially if they're villains nobody likes

[starlitfunkster]

New Years 2024 Updates List

Hello! It's the first time I am ever doing this. It's because.. well, how do I put this? I got distracted. Very distracted. And also very unmotivated with my writing skills. Which is why there will be updates for EVERY blog. It will go in order of "how big the update is". In order it's "Not that bad" to "Oh god, the blog is on a long ass hiatus". I apologize in advance to Melody, the only other person who's helping work on Objects in Orbit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@lonelystarmenagerie - "It's no surprise that we are being ignored now. Obviously. Blogs with OC's that aren't based on the currently trending topic are very unpopular. Especially if they aren't fuckin' mary-sues/gary-stus. It sucks, but that's just how the world of Tumblr is right now. So yeah, that's our update for this year." ~Piko (Oh yeah, my resolution is to actually be out there more. You can figure out the rest.)

@starsoscsonas - "My my! We are also being hard ignored. It makes me very sad, though that's just because we are not truly out there yet either. I think my resolution is to make the blog much more interesting by bringing in some contestants that have been eliminated from my show! (It will uh.. come back eventually, from what Aria has told me.)" ~Star Lamp

@aibmonsterau - "I am.. honestly not surprised. Guys, this is AIB we are talking about. The one the community no longer posts about because the series is most likely dead. I hope it isn't, for the record! My resolution is to be there when Starlight Espresso comes out with the others. We wish you well, Groink." ~Recycling Bin

@pokemon196, and also @eeveelutionsdoingreviews - "I am 100% sure that the review blog is dead. I will go and delete the Discord Server, Application, and Blog. I will still be here on my own blog, and Kuro can do whatever she wants to do with hers! My resolution is for there to be people watching the blog's plot grow!" ~Sunny the Espeon

@askdusknfriends - "God, the images look cringe. Fuck it, we are doing whatever Quint's doing. My resolution is to get Aria to start doing that." ~Sugar (And don't worry, I'll see to it that there's no profile images b/c they look bad. ~Aria)

@asksomerobotmasters - "I think we are just going to stick to doing sketches, and have full-colored refs in the Characters page. I honestly don't want Aria to be stressing herself out. To be honest, I am worried for her. I shouldn't be, but I am. My resolution is to get Aria some therapy of some kind." ~Quick Man (Also I am not the one you should be saying this to. ~Aria)

@towermaidenpiz - "Guys the plot isn't going to start on its own." ~??? "Golly, this blog sure has been inactive, hasn't it? You guys do know I can still answer questions, right? I really want to! It's getting boring here. :(" ~Aria (PT)

@askiireplacements - "We're still here, the blog's just been very inactive without any questions to move the plot along. It's sad, but it is what it is. Also, my resolution is to find out what's in that mansion. No more fear.. I need to." ~Bamboo

@lrgs-tboiau - "Although the askbox is going to be emptied out, we will be accepting new questions! H-Hopefully this gives everyone more to do!" ~Lazarus (If a question gets ignored or deleted, just assume its for plot reasons. And most likely spoilers to that plot. ~Aria)

@asktheshadow - "I think I should just link it to the main blog.. maybe that'll give the poor guy some attention." ~Aria

@objectsinorbit - "Objects in Orbit will be on permanent hiatus until I can get over my writers block and write Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, and Episode 5. Then I can go back to taking a break from there. Until then, stay tuned for the new year." ~Aria

@dailydoseofditto - "…That blog's been dead for a while. It's still going to be up for archival purposes, just like eeveelutionsdoingreviews." ~Vi

[silence-caravan]

Oh! That IS a curious hc.

I've seen around that she actually can see ghosts, so i can see it as well! And although it's a bit sad, the first contact with humans for A.B.A. being ghosts, it's actually kinda funny and fits to the whole "giant and empty mansion."

It was probably a bit hunting for the poor girl too for a while, probably, like... you know when you are a child and hear the adults taking about a lot of things you just don't understand? Just like that, poor young A.B.A.!

And don't worry about the differences between our HCs. That's what makes the community varied, healthy, and entertaining! I like yours! And it makes me feel a bit better for A.B.A. not being TOTALLY alone in Frasco!

I'm glad you liked what I wrote! I was a bit afraid that I was just brainrotting in circles!

The thing with A.B.A. is that she knows, most of the time, what she is doing, she is not dumb. Actually, most of her "awkward" conversations with other characters are that way because she is actually very shy but tries to hide it, acting out in a weird way.

Not only that, she is actually quite simpatetic and doesn't really hate anyone, I think she is just... a generally jumpy and anxious person. So yeah, she SHOULD keep trying to be a better person, for herself and her husband!!!

Bravo to you! If you even want to gush about these two again, I'm always free and my askbox always open!

Headcanon:

You know how A.B.A's official profile mentions she hates wasteful humans and likes treasuring things she feels it'd be a waste to throw away?

Imagine a scene with the character of your choice, in which they either throw away something and A.B.A makes a fuss out of it and shuns the other character for being a wasteful human (or that they're picking up bad human habits, if they're not human) or instead that the character sees A.B.A pick up an item that an unknown party has thrown away and she's acting in an upset manner, again mentioning her abhorrence of said wasteful humans. The character questions why she even feels THAT weirdly strongly about the topic .

After a back and forth, A.B.A scowls defeatedly, holding the discarded item very closely, and says:

"Humans are wasteful, they even throw away things they made by themselves! ...And maybe, if they didn't do that, my creator wouldn't have abandoned me."

Here we have two options. Either she somehow does not know the military took him away and believes he abandoned her, again, just like other humans once they get tired of their things, OR she knows it wasn't an intentional abandonment but.. She still can't take off that lingering feeling. What if he's okay and didn't care enough to find her again? What if he is not okay (or isn't alive anymore) and she's being callous but the thought keeps lingering in her mind?

Whatever the case, objects being discarded, left alone, when they could still work really irks her. You could say she feels empathy for them.

[twoidiotwriters1]

🍒 with Gilbert in a place where they could be discovered (congrats for the followers!)

This has been sitting in the askbox collecting dust bc I HAD to make it justice. This is a modern!au btw and you’re both adults -Danny

Good to Him - (Gilbert Blythe xGN!Reader)

"You're going to take it all," He mutters right next to your ear, grinding against you, "and you're going to be quiet about it, otherwise someone might see you... You don't want that, do you?"

You don't answer, to be honest the thought of someone finding Gilbert fucking you into oblivion isn't exactly what you'd call a nightmare. His hand tightens on your hip and you suck in a sharp breath.

"Unless you do want it?" You can almost see him smirking, his buldge rubbing up and down behind you. "Would you like that, love? Want me to fuck you in front of everyone?"

You turn slightly to palm his dick over the fabric of his pants. "Please Gil... Please, touch me..."

"I am touching you, dear..."

"Gilbert," You groan, hastily unzipping his pants. "If you don't fuck me right in this instant, I swear to God I'll fight you."

"I've always known you like it rough," He jokes.

Your boyfriend turns you around roughly, forcing you to face the wall, you're not a fan of this position, watching Gilbert as he falls apart is one of your favorite things in the world, but you're so needy you can't bring yourself to protest against it.

Gilbert pumps his length a few times before yanking down your clothes and placing the tip in your entrance, he moans at the feeling, you're warm and inviting, he kisses your neck and you let out a whine that makes his knees weak.

He doesn't waste time before quickly pounding into you from behind, if you weren't in such an open space, he would take his sweet time to get you ready for him, but he's desperate, and you don't have all night.

"You're perfect," He pants, Gilbert's hands move all over your body in a frantic attempt to ground himself, one of them ends up on your throat. "You'll be good to me, won't you, Y/N?"

"Yes," You moan, hand closing around his gently. "Yes Gil, I'll be so good..."

"You take me so well..." He grunts, pressing his hips tighter against your ass. "Be good, Y/N, give me a kiss..."

Your head moves to the side and his lips land on yours instantly, it's a sloppy movement, both of you focused on your releases, your free hand moves to his bum and you give a little squeeze, pushing him deeper inside you, Gilbert groans.

His hand leaves your throat and seizes your own, pinning it above you, in a quick movement he grabs the other one and places it on the same place.

He's rough, and you can feel his cock deep inside you every time he thrusts back in, you feel yourself floating in bliss, you're so close...

"Let go," Gilbert kisses your temple, short and beautiful noises come out of his mouth between each word he says. "Cum for me, Y/N, you're doing so well..."

Your orgasm arrives abruptly, triggered by his praise, you squeeze him and he can feel your walls spasming around him. His movements turn erratic, and with a loud groan he cums inside you.

Gilbert keeps you close, hips sttutering as he slows down, he doesn't stop until you're both too sensitive to keep going.

"I love you," You sigh dreamily, behind you Gilbert chuckles.

"That's awkward, I only see you as a friend."

You swat his arm playfully and his laughter increases.

"I'm sorry, but I find that hard to believe when you're still inside me."

"You're a very close family friend."

"Oh, fuck off!" You snort, pushing him away.

He moves out of you, leaving you empty, you don't have time to get sad about it though, because as soon as you turn around he cups your face and kisses you deeply.

"I love you too," He brushes some hairs away from your forehead, "more than words can express."

You smile, pecking his lips once more before looking over his shoulder, now that your horniness has vanished, you feel a little selfconscious.

"Can we please get dress and go home now? I keep thinking a bee's gonna sting my ass if I stand in the garden for another minute..."

Gilbert chortles, but he nods. "Let's go home, love."

Forever Taglist.

@just-here-to-escape-from-reality @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual 

ANNE Taglist (All Genders).

@ninizkd @http-itsrebecca @aleksosoto

ANNE Taglist (GN!Reader).

@fuckthisshitimoutyall

[septembersghost]

i started watching bcs when it first aired but stopped when i got to season 5 because life got busy for me. i started watching again this year because i relapsed in my addiction and my mental health is literally is shambles and i found your blog and kimwexlersstrap and laloslayamanca's and it was a distraction from m pain to read your posts and memes and such so i started watching again to read your live blogging and feel a part of it even though i never post anything. now that i finished im like ok what do i distract myself with lol i feel so stupid and empty it's insane how something like a tv show is the only thing holding someone together

🥺 anon i am holding you tightly in a hug right now (@kimwexlersstrap @laloslayamanca i hope you both see this too 💗)

did you read what i linked from the sub in my post yesterday? if you didn't, i want to copy the text for you here, okay?

I just wanted to make this post because I was thinking about how very soon better call Saul will be over. And I know for a lot of addicts, and people who suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, the ending of a tv show can be a huge trigger.

For some of us, the idea that another season of a show is coming out is a reason to stick around for another year. Sometimes it can feel like the only reason.

So I just wanted to make this post to remind those people to stay strong. There are always more shows, works of art and other aspects of life to fall in love with and provide us with passion. I know that these passions can sometimes be what keeps us alive. And regardless of all that, it does get better and recovery is never too far out of reach.

While Better Call Saul may end, life goes on. This show will always be in our hearts and we’re gonna be okay even after it ends.

I’m so glad we all got to connect over our passion for this phenomenal work of art. Much love to all of you and stay safe <3 (x)

reading that spoke closely to me, as someone who also very much stays alive for art. bcs has been such a dear and vital anchor for me for years. i've written about this in the past, but as someone chronically ill/disabled and homebound (entirely since dec. 2019), stories and music are my absolute lifelines and my connections to the outside world, and being here on tumblr is my window to it and the way i'm able to express it and reach other people. it is not stupid, ever, and it is not empty, it's vast. it's no small thing, it is profoundly important and real. they're the things that quite literally have kept me alive and given me a light in dark times. i struggle with anxiety/depression/suicidal ideation going along with my chronic illness/pain conditions, and the reprieve i have is in the art i dearly love and am passionate about. maybe i over-invest because of this, but i find i'd rather care too much and at least have something to hold onto. whenever i'm hurting, those passions keep me here.

this year has been a hard struggle and full of fear for my mom and me, and having bcs to look forward to and bond over/discuss has been dear to us, we're both feeling its loss heavily today.

when something ends, there is always a sadness. it's never silly to feel the depth of that grief, we need the time and the room to process that. it hits especially hard when it's something that's helped keep us going. nothing you're feeling is wrong, and i hope you know you're not alone at all.

i'm very happy you rediscovered the show and joined us here! even if you don't post anything, i promise your presence is appreciated. this message itself means so much to me, and i'm glad you're here. i'm sending you love and any strength i can, please remember that you matter and know that my blog is here and my askbox is always open to you. 💙💙💙

[kirric-the-fan]

Encanto fic masterlist (and Pirate!Au links below)

Yo, so I've put together a crib sheet, sortable by character and how much of a main character they are in any specific fic for all of my Encanto fics! Just to make it a little easier to find the fics with your favorites! (alas, the curse of a huge cast)

(There's a couple of WIP's in there too, I'll link them when they're up!)

Grab the filter on the left here, and you're good to go!

(Tumblr sometimes monches the links. Please give me a shout if any of them are awol)

ENCANTO PIRATE AU TREASURE content list below!

(Search tag #kirric's encanto pirate au)(All of the drabbles can be read in any order really atm, and is all pre-'movie' unless otherwise indicated)

I will be writing and posting a actual au movie-alt fic: Wind in my sails, (don't break me on the shore). I am currently in the process of writing said fic, but am aiming to have it all completed or a significant chapter buffer ready before I start posting. so it might be a little while in coming. In the meantimes, please enjoy all of these drabbles and shortfics from the au! :

Short of time/just want the essentials?: Read the posts marked *

**Intro post here

Doloriano ask

The siren's siren (Dolores + Mariano ficlet)

Alma @ the triplets

*The empty part of me (Mirabel backstory, failed gift ceremony- Antonio's gift ceremony)

Business as usual (The business of their trade, and some of the downsides. Mainly Pepa + Julieta)

Isabela's hat: the introduction

*Triplets headcanons (mainly hc's for the young triplets)

Isabela's gift (Julieta and Agustín helping young Isabela practice with her gift)

She takes after you (Felix feeling sad after Dolores' birth that she isn't a merperson like him)

The triplet's gifts (Appreciation of how well the triplets gifts fit a pirate au)

*What. Is. that? (Isabela and Mirabel pre-Antonio's gift ceremony scene)

Is there a doctor in the house? (hc's for Julieta & a little bit Dolores)

The dreamer (Agustín sometimes get distracted by his wife)

Some things don't change (Agustín is still an accident magnet)

The rat's nest (Mirabel and Antonio go visit Bruno in the crow's nest)

Deadliness ranking of pirate Madrigals

Pepa & Alma, and Alma & Mirabel relationship ask

Down time/ sports

Dolores mermaid transformation? Ask

Julieta powers side effect

Julieta drabble: Scars

Grandkid Gift ask (how grandkids first used their gifts)

Armour (Follow-up to Scars)

Family dynamics Q's round 1 Abuela other fam relationship ask (+Pepa gift/giftless Q and Pedro death Q)

Most likely to throw self into danger Q

Family dynamics Q's round 2!

--

Key Character info post links:

Pepa Madrigal

Julieta Madrigal

Bruno Madrigal

Alma Madrigal

Félix Madrigal

Agustín Madrigal

Isabela Madrigal

Dolores Madrigal

Luisa Madrigal

Camilo Madrigal

Antonio Madrigal

Mirabel Madrigal

Casita, the flag, and the magic

--

(I'll continue to update this as I go along. Askbox always open :-) feel free to send in any thoughts, questions or headcanons at any time! (I HAVE TURNED ANON ON) I will also consider requests with the au.)

[translightyagami]

James “translightyagami/avoidfilledwithcelluloid” Death Note Fic Masterlist

Hello to all you guys out there. Here is my full masterlist of allllll the Death Note fanfic I’ve written: There are over 120 fics contained within this entire list. I’m going to split it up by chapter fics, one-shot fics, short fic compilations, and gift fics I’ve done for fandom exchanges. The descriptions will tell you what the pairings are (mostly Lawlight, but there’s other stuff too). There are several posts of mine that are loosely defined fic, but I won’t be adding those in this post as they are just … hard to organize lol.

Fics are marked with E if they have explicit content and T if there are textual references to transgender characters. Chapter fics are marked as either complete or currently incomplete. Okay! Here we go! 

[UPDATED 11/20/2021]

CHAPTER FICS

sit and stay awhile https://archiveofourown.org/works/31032719 complete Light has a fantasy of sitting in L’s lap, and he’s got a plan to make that a reality.

the art of ink and flowers  https://archiveofourown.org/works/35106943 currently incomplete, E, T Light needs an apprentice and thinks he's found the perfect one in young firecracker Mello. Now to deal with Mello's uncle, the strange, mysterious, and - oops! - super hot florist Ryuzaki, who doesn't want his nephew near a tattoo parlor. What could possibly go wrong?

i could write it (better than you ever felt it) https://archiveofourown.org/works/13913043 currently incomplete Light works in the To-Oh university library, where he meets his favorite romantic mystery author, Eraldo Coil, who later reveals himself to be the great detective L. Through the course of their working together to solve a crime, Light finds he might have feelings for L and those feelings might be shared by the detective novelist.

your heart is an empty cup https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027707 currently incomplete Light is the assistant manager of a Starbucks in NYC, and L is one of his most annoying customers. When L accuses Light (correctly) of being Kira, as well as mysteriously asking for his help on a different case, the barista has to decide if he’s ready to get in bed with the enemy – maybe even literally.

the forest holds strange creatures https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442660 complete, E, T Light, a paranormal research grad student, comes to a small town trying to find a mysterious cryptid. He finds L, a 10-foot-tall tree creature, who helps Light discover the greatest cryptid of all: love. The only reason this one is in the chapter fic section is because it includes a Halloween special chapter with the intro of Beyond Birthday into the cryptid AU.

At Your Service https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229524 complete, E, T The Yagami family owns the sprawling, exclusive Hotel Kitsune where all sorts of international espionage agents make their temporary home. That includes the great detective L, whose romantic tension with Light comes to a boiling point when he comes to stay after a long absence.

best practices https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113519 complete, E, T Light has been working his way to the top of the corporate ladder thanks to his own hard work, and his more-than-close relationship with L, the company CEO and founder’s son. Their relationship comes to a head when L challenges Light to open himself up, making him vulnerable to showing the true depth of what he feels for L and his own desire to explore sexual power dynamics.

ONE-SHOT FICS

tell me the truth https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592320 E, T Light and Matsuda hit up a bar after work, and then Light hits up Matsuda for sex, praise, and a distraction from the deep emptiness inside him.

constricting https://archiveofourown.org/works/13721580 E, T Light breaks L’s favorite tea cup in their kitchen, and L eats him out because he loves his husband so much.

tell me I’m good https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986861 E In the middle of the night, L receives a drunk call from Light, hiding in the bathroom at a party. The call, turning from desperate to horny, reveals more about Light than L wanted to know.

if at first you don’t succeed https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119816 E, T Light gave his first blow job and accidentally bit L on the dick. He tries to make up for his mistake by trying again.

let me work on you https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884799 E, T As the result of losing bet to him, Light has to be L’s computer desk – naked and laying over his boyfriend’s lap. Of course, when L gives him another sexy challenge, Light can’t help but rise to the occasion.

alterations https://archiveofourown.org/works/17945957 E, T Light comes to visit his boyfriend Mikami at his fancy law office and suggests they have sex there. When Mikami reacts unfavorably, Light has to do damage control, and it smarts a lot more than he expected.

lizard https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552499 E, T Light meets a beefcake guy at a bar on the anniversary of L’s death, and lets him take him home (Lizard is my death note OC, and the fic was a wonderful commission from @queerical​)

Buried Alive https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705540 L and Light live together in L’s underground bunker after the apocalypse scorches the Earth. They watch some VHS tapes and do some gardening.

Our Little Secret https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822881 E After getting his memories, his freedom, back, Light wants to give L a gift: Kira tied up at his mercy. But L isn’t so sure if that gift is the one he really wants.

The Light of the Moon https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052722 E, T L is a vampire and accidentally bites Light, who is haunted by dreams that make him question why he wants L to bite him again (and maybe … something more …)

little animals https://archiveofourown.org/works/26829778 E Light and his werewolf boyfriend L fuck in their backyard garden.

Change OR the one where L and Light get married https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748159  E, T A gift/commish fic for @ohgodplsdontlook​. Six years after the Kira case closes, L and Light go have a wedding in the mansion where L spent his childhood summers. They bring the Yagami family, their baggage, and vows to share each other’s secrets.

a divine power https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018197 E L has a particular power that has helped him get confessions from even the most hardened, tight-lipped criminals, and he offers to use this power on Light to get an honest answer to the question "Are You Kira?" Not really believing L's power is real (and also smelling an easy way to lie his way out of being caught) Light agrees to submit to this bizarre investigative power - not realizing that L is about to make him a *very* honest man. (TL;DR, L has a Magic Cock That Makes Anyone He Fucks Fall in Love With Him AU.)

Possession https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232294 E After being killed by his family for being Kira, Light makes a deal with the demon L to get back to the mortal realm - a very, very sexy deal.

24-Hour Gym https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415480  After the yellow warehouse goes (mortally) in their favor, Light and Mikami frequent the same 24-hour gym. Eventually, after seeing all his work out skills, Light asks Mikami if he can bench press *Kira*.

Fantasy of a Fantasy https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729685  E, T While monitoring the Yagami family home for suspicious activity, L catches Light getting off to a dirty magazine and projects what he thinks his main suspect's fantasies might be.

the chains that bind us https://archiveofourown.org/works/32051299 E, T  Obligatory post-Yotsuba arc fic where Light is released from the handcuffs, and wants desperately to be back in bondage with L. Features a very creative use of the handcuff chain.

Kept https://archiveofourown.org/works/33334282 E, T Omegaverse AU where Light cooks up a horny evil scheme so that L won’t throw him in jail, and also lets him get that alpha lovin’ he so desires.

so glad you’re home https://archiveofourown.org/works/33977605 E, T L returns from a solo case and he and Light have a purr-fect homecoming together - including some spanking, cat ears, and a shower of sappy affection. 

SHORT FIC COMPLIATIONS

hand in unlovable hand https://archiveofourown.org/works/15025058 E Okay so I’ve been answering Tumblr askbox prompts for over 2 years now, and this? This is ALL of the Lawlight fics. There are over 70 Lawlight fics in this compilation, with all the nsfw fics marked as such. Here are somethings you’ll find in this horde: an AU where L is fat; dirty talk; ghost sex; phone calls about buying a house; early morning tea; kissing; spanking; bondage; L’s hair being brushed; and much, much more. If you have wished for a particular type of Lawlight fic, it is probably in this bunch.

Containing Multitudes https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570645 E Like i said, I’ve been answering all types of Tumblr prompts. These are all the multi-pairing fics that are not Lawlight. In over 20 fics, you’ll find Mikalight, Light/Misa, Misa/Takada, Misa/Rem, Light/Namikawa, Beyond/Light, Light/Matsuda, and even a few ones with Light and my DN OC Lizard. All nsfw fics are marked as such.

hereditary https://archiveofourown.org/works/17159354 All the Tumblr prompt fics I wrote specifically about the Yagami Family. About 4 fics long, includes a really nice couple of Sayu and Light sibling sadness fics.

bottom shelf erotica https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899706 E These are the 5 fics that I wrote to fill Death Note kinkmeme prompts. They are few frills, dirty, sloppy, all bottom Light smut fics. Also, since I didn’t want to give myself away on kinkmeme they’re all cis stuff. (because really who else would have been throwing trans smut up there?)

something between us (anyway) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30304620 T, E a slowly updating collection of 10 tumblr fic requests I received for the pairings of lawlight and (my DN OC) lizard/light, covering prompts including omegaverse, coffee shop AU, sexy lingerie, and much, much more.

kinktober 2021 https://archiveofourown.org/works/34235686 E, T updated each saturday of Oct. 2021, these five fics all revolve around lawlight and specific kinky prompts.

GIFT EXCHANGE FICS

your father’s son https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115568 T A Secret Shinigami 2018 gift for AbbodonAbandon. Light and Soichiro have a talk about why Light quit the tennis team. Lots of trans shit in here.

in your shoes https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405516 E A Sexy Enquirer 2019 gift for @pashmina-dhaage​. L is a professor who is having a quiet relationship with one of his grad students, Light. When he sees Light through his office window stepping in mud, L rushes to give him the shoes off his feet.

wash it out https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405648 A Sexy Enquirer 2019 gift for @complicatedmerary​. Mikami and Light, a pianist and violinist respectively with the same opera company, are carrying on a passionate affair while Light remains married to the opera’s soprano, Misa.

Thank you for Reading, Commenting, and Being Nice to Me About My Silly Fic!

[franzsiska]

ao3 interview

tagged by: @cyanoscarlet thank you, dani 🥰💕

how many works do you have on ao3?

— 18.

what’s your total ao3 word count?

— 39.2k, haha. I mostly write short one shots, and quite a bit of my work has been exclusive to twt/tumblr and zines, so that's why.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

— three.

bungou stray dogs (10)

haikyuu!! (5)

jujutsu kaisen (3)

as you can see, i am. very picky about what fandoms and what subject matters i write about sfhskdk

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

emptiness to melody (bsd; kunikidazai)

this brief tragedy of flesh (jjk; nanago)

let me tell you a story about love (haikyuu; miya atsumu character study)

you are what happens after the war (bsd; kunikidazai)

leave the ruins where they fall (bsd; soukoku)

what are your top 5 fics by comment thread count?

love me just a little longer (bsd; odazai)

you are what happens after the war (bsd; kkdz)

this brief tragedy of flesh (jjk; nng)

salt/water (haikyuu; iwaoi)

emptiness to melody (bsd; kkdz)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

— yes, absolutely, although it might take me absurdly long to get around to it lol. unless it's a comment that doesn't warrant a reply, i do make it a point to reply to all of them eventually.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

— ahh, this one is complicated. i love angst actually, but only of a very specific brand. my fics aren't so much angsty in ending as they are just. pervaded with a sense of sadness throughout—fluff coloured with angst, as i like to call it. pick up literally any fic of mine, there's always angst interwoven throughout.

that said, i did once write a fic (without you) that ended in major character death and it disturbed me so much that i ended up orphaning it lmao

have you ever received hate on a fic?

— no, thankfully, not as of now. that might be attributed to the fact that my body of work itself is not very big, but i like to think that i attract a more civilized demographic with my fics 😉

do you write smut? If so, what kind?

— no. never have i tried and never will i ever try, i think. the most i can do is make out and fade to black. i don't actually have any interest in writing the nitty gritty details, thank you very much.

have you ever had a fic translated?

— uhhh, yes, i think. i've been asked for permission multiple times but have only got back the completed link from the translator once or twice. this here, for instance, is a tumblr askbox fic that got translated into chinese.

have you ever co-written a fic before?

— no, but i'm open to the idea! it just has to be with someone whose style and ideas i click with.

what’s your all-time favorite ship?

— ahaha, this is hard. it keeps changing but iwaoi seem to have passed the test of time <3

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

— ouch, okay. there is more than one. that one dazai-centric skk wip that's been lying in my drafts for almost an year now. it's a study into dazai's relationship with food and with the needs of his body in general (read: his very thinly-veiled eating disorder). i really fucking want to complete this, but it isn't looking likely at the moment :'(

what are your writing weaknesses?

— longform, multichapter fics, definitely. i cannot, for the life of me, plot out a proper three act structure with a subplot and a climax and all. i really wish i could, and i greatly respect the people who can :')

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

— only if it fits the situation. otherwise it just ends up looking pretentious and pedantic. i used a couple of spanish dialogues in salt/water as well as my iwaoi zine fic, for instance, bc they're both post timeskip and set in argentina

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

— bsd! that was two years ago, and i'm so grateful to my hyperfixation sdfshfk

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

— a tie between you are what happens after the war (bsd) and with your face towards the sky (haikyuu; kagehina)

tagging: @wctercress @awinterborn @my-one-true-l (only if you want, ofc)

[euphoniumpets]

Can u please do a Arvin Russel platonic one where they have been best friends their entire lives she is super religious and when pastor Preston comes to town he is kinda obsessed with her and manipulated her like he did Lenora but she goes believes he says and Arvin finds out and try’s to talk her out of and tells her it isn’t right and is really protective of her.

ok, so this probably isn’t that great and i saved this request last because i’m emptying my askbox lol. so sorry that this one was a short one but hope you liked this one! 

‘‘Arvin, listen, you’re being paranoid, he’s not gonna do it like he did with Lenora,’‘ You tried to assure him as his grip tightened around your arm while he stared intensivly into your eyes. You knew that he was worried about you. Ever since Lenora’s death, Arvin was becoming paranoid over how he was afraid that you were gonna end up like her. 

He didn’t blame you, honestly. He knew that you were a sweet girl and had a pretty face but you were his best friend who he loved. He was afraid to loose the only good person he had in his life. And when pastor Preston arrived into town, he knew that he couldn’t be trusted. After what he had seen what he did to Lenora, he knew that his victim was you. 

He didn’t hesitate sometimes when he wanted to follow you in the church and pray with your family. It was because your family was super religious and he knew that his life would come crashing down when he saw pastor Preston talk with you. 

Anger bubbled inside his chest whenever he would see pastor Preston talk with you. And he wanted nothing to protect you but you were too blinded by his kindness. ‘’Y/n, he can’t be trusted, ‘’ He explained as he walked closer to you. 

You sighed as you cupped his cheek. ‘’Listen, I know that you’re still grieving after Lenora, and I get it, Lenora was my friend but she was just...’’ you trailed off as sadness formed. 

‘‘lonley,’‘ Arvin muttered. 

‘‘But I have you, you were there for me since we were children,’‘ 

‘‘I was always close with you than Lenora, maybe I should’ve been harder on myself to get to know her...’‘ You replied as he shook his head. ‘‘It isn’t your fault, the person who we should blame on, is pastor Preston,’‘ 

‘‘Are you still on that?’‘ You questioned as you gave him a look. 

‘‘You know that I’m stubborn, I’m gonna let him pay for her death,’‘ Arvin sneered. 

‘‘Arvin, please, don’t make a stupid decision where you are gonna regret doin’ ,’‘ you pleaded. 

‘‘The only thing he is gonna regret, was stepping into this stupid town,’‘ 

[thepandapig]

Ateez reaction to you being unhappy with some body parts

A/N: hey! I hope you guys like this reaction. My askbox is open. Feel free to send in requests for Ateez,Blackpink.TXT,StrayKids,Twice or G-Idle. If you want another group let me know and maybe I will write it. Also I did not specify the body of the reader to much ( like the weight or height or wide of some features) Enjoy:)

HONGJOONG

You looked at youself in the mirror. Gosh all the things you did not like about yourself were more visible today. How weird did your nose look ? You touched it lightly and turned your head from side to side. Your side profil did look sooo weird. You could cry on the spot. You did not notice that your boyfriend Hongjoong had entered your room. He looked at you curious and when you noticed him and turned around he could see tears in your eyes.

“ What is wrong ?” he askled and pulled you in for a hug. At first you did not want to speak about it but than you opend up about your insecurity. He looked at you with a frown and you let your head hang loose. “ I do not think it looks weird at all ! It looks like your nose and your nose fits perfectly into your face” He will pull you closer and kiss the top of your head.

SEONGHWA

You touched the sides of your thights. They were very ugly. The more you looked at them the more frustrated you got. How could someone love this ? It was such a weird feeling looking at them. You felt like they could be the reason Seonghwa could leave you. Why would he date someone with such ugly thights?

“ Babe are you still here ?” He asked and looked at you. You and Seonghwa sat on a blanket and just enjoyed one of his days of. You looked at him and nodded but he noticed that something was wrong and he asked you that. “ Nothing it is nothing “ You said and he did not believe you. “ You can tell me Y/N I do not want you to be unhappy” He said with a soft smile and you told him that you did not like your thights. He looked at you and than started to touch your thights. “ Well I myself think they are beautiful “ He would make sure to praise your looks more and make sure that you are feeling alright.

YUNHO

When Yunho walked in in your shared closet he could not believe what he saw, You were sitting there and touched you belly. He looked at you in confusion and than asked you whats wrong. “ My stomach does look weird in this pants “ you told him and pointed at you belly. He blinked a few times and looked at what you were wearing. “ I do not think so.....You look normal as usuall. Very pretty “ He smiled at you and waited for a respons from you. You on the other hand couldn’t believe him. The pants made you look weird and you knew it. He should not lie at you and that is also what you told him.

“ I did not lie to you !” He said and looked angry. Why would you not believe him? For him you were the most prettiest person in the world and he was so lucky to have you by his side.

YEOSANG

Yeosang was confused when you entered his apartment with a cap on your head. It was the middle of July and he couldn't believe it. Soon after entering the apartment, the idea seemed stupid to you. How funny did it have to look when you wore a cap in such heat? Yeosang asked you even after you didn't take off the cap if everything was okay and you said yes. He didn't need to know that you were unsure about your ears.

When your behavior continued for several weeks, Yeosang decided to ask you to talk again. The two of you spent a relaxed evening at his place with a bottle of wine (which you had emptied on the side) and he asked you again. You told him everything and he started to laugh. He thought it was funny that you think something about yourself is not nice. He would tell you that he thinks everything about you is beautiful and then he would cuddle up with you in his bed. He will spend the whole time telling you how much he loves you. Even when you are already asleep.

SAN

San stood behind you as he saw you looking at various social media posts. You looked at the people who seemed to exist without any flaw. Every time you look in the mirror, you discover something new about yourself that you don't like. Every time you looked in the mirror, you felt as if your body was getting uglier and more disgusting. You did not notice San who was still standing behind you. Tears rose up in you at the images of the persons. Your tears dripped on your jeans and San could no longer hold himself back. He sat down beside you and put his hand on yours. "Baby? What's wrong?" You look at him and hastily wipe away your tears. You try to explain to him that nothing is wrong and that you only have something in your eye. But San knows that look. He has seen it on himself often enough.

He will make sure to distract you and spend more time with you. He doesn't want you to have bad thoughts and he never wants to see that look on you again. He loves you so much and you do not deserve to be sad. However, he will not keep on asking you for fear of making things worse.

MINGI

When you tell Mingi that you didn't like your eyes, he stares at you in a very confused way. Your eyes were the most beautiful thing to him. He could see your emotions in them, and he also thought that they were the gateway to your soul. He couldn't understand that you didn't like them and he was more than just angry about it.

"Honey you are beautiful! Your eyes mirror your soul and your soul is what I love! The words of your next sentence got stuck in your throat. Surprised you looked at him and saw how serious he was. "Really?" He nodded and took you in his arms " You must not think like that. " he kissed you and tried to scare away the bad thoughts.

WOOYOUNG

Wooyound did not know how to react. You looked so sad and frustrated and it broke his heart. Why did you think that about yourself? His head couldn't handle that you thought your shoulders were a problem. He was so confused. Since when were shoulders a problem in any way? Shoulders were just shoulders. He caressed your hair and told you how beautiful you were.

He asked his Hyungs if they knew why you couldn't find his shoulders beautiful and they didn't help him either. However, he decided that he would not let you be sad about something like that. Whenever he saw how sad you were, he would try to distract you and act similar to San. It was still a mystery to him even months later how you could not find yourself beautiful.

JONGHO

"How you don't like your hands?" he looked at you in amazement and wondered if you were serious. Your hands were quite normal. You had fingers and fingernails and skin and they fitted well into his hand. They worked and everything was fine. So why were you so upset about your hands?Angry you threw away the ring. It didn't fit you anyway. Your hands were so funny and it was no wonder you would never find jewelry that would fit you. Sadly you looked at Jongho who looked at you confused. "Oh man the ring doesn't fit and I was hoping it would fit and you..." You stared at the floor and couldn't believe you spent money on this. Jongho giggled and asked you if you should exchange the ring and get a new one. But you didn't feel like it so you both stayed home and spent the afternoon together.