#my art is my life. every medium i work in i find so much joy and love in

[mbat]

also i still believe those low effort paintings, that i dont even know what to call them cause "modern art" apparently isnt accurate, is rich people nonsense.

preface, i dont have any specific paintings in mind. dont come at me pretending i do.

im talking about those paintings that are just simple shapes, or lines, or paint splatters, that end up in museums or going on auction for thousands if not millions of dollars.

i dont care about the meaning behind them. i dont care about "the skill it takes to make a perfect line with oil paint without using tape" and no i cant do that because thats not my medium? i dont have the money or space to get canvasses, dude. especially not the amount id need to even get decent at painting. sue me, i guess, for being a critic.

i find it specifically insulting that me and tons of other people online spend hours on a single drawing that is full of heart and beauty and joy, and its often for little amount of notice, or money if any at all, while these things that look like they only took a few minutes to do, maybe more to fill in with paint, are put up for the eyes of thousands and given thousands.

yes, ive seen jacob gellers video, yes i liked it, it changed my brain for a little while but my brain reverted even when i watched the video again.

i despise that peoples response is always 'its made to get a reaction out of you!' or 'youre not supposed to understand it, its art!' ... that is the most immature reason ive ever heard for something worth apparently so much.

people would never say that stuff about the classic paintings we all know from older times of human beings in action or even just sitting still. would you say that about the birth of venus, or the mona lisa? school of athens? youd sound dumb.

i admit it, i dont understand it. i do have a reaction.

i wouldnt dream of telling people to stop making that stuff, more power to you if thats what brings you joy, but it just makes me mad the way it goes up in museums and gets sold for so much money when i could make that stuff in mspaint in 5 minutes.

and i swear to god, if you say "if you could make it yourself, why didnt you?", i will stab your asshole through the screen.

rich. people. nonsense.

[fuckyestherest]

Creator Highlight - Week 14

Welcome to our Creator Highlight Week 14!

Every week, we’ll use this space to recognize the amazing individuals in our fandom who kindly use so much of their free time and creative energy to share their work with us and bring our imaginations to life via writing, art, visuals, and many other creative mediums. 

This week we want to highlight @climbthemountain2020, an incredible multi-talented creator of fics, art and mood boards. She excels at writing both original characters as well as for established ships within the fandom. Her OCs have substance, humor, and heart that makes them unique and pairs so well with beloved canon characters like Eris and Tamlin.

She also imbues life and creativity into less written about ships within the fandom including her Helion and Lady of Autumn fic. With suspenseful plots and deep dives into her characters, she’ll keep you on your toes. She brings her same creativity and love for each character to her art, depicting ships like Azris as well as more popular ships such as Feysand and Elucien, as well as depicting individual characters as well.  

“She is not only one of the nicest, most supportive people in this fandom, she also is so talented. CC is a true multi-shipper and writes for so many different ships and does all of them so well!”  

“I trust CC to build a beautiful world with intricate details within the setting and the characters … as well as to make me feel such painful heartbreak, only her love for a HEA is able to rescue me. How can so much talent fit into such a kind person?!”

“She was one of the first people in the fandom to reach out to me and share support for my stuff when I was still nervous and new. In addition to the writing she does, she’s just genuinely a very nice person who cares about making others feel included.”

Thank you for all you give to this fandom, @climbthemountain2020! We look forward to whatever you create next!  

Below are a few favorites from CC. 

Hope of Spring | Tamlin x OC 

Flame of Autumn | Eris x OC 

Love You Like Oxygen | Helion x Lady of Autumn

Contact | Azris Art

Lady of Autumn | Azris Art

Tilly | OC Moodboard   

Killer + The Sound | Azris Moodboard

Thank you for all your incredible work and for being a positive, kind, funny voice in this fandom. You bring us all so much joy and we are so glad you’re part of this fandom and all of our lives!  

You can find more of @climbthemountain2020 on her Ao3 and Masterlist!

[undefeatablesin]

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited about, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone whose posts make you smile💕

Some positivity is exactly what the world needs right now! Thank you for thinking of and passing this message on to me ✨️

I would like to ramble about Four Exciting Things, since having things to look forward to is always helpful as a perspective check for me in particular and hopefully some other people can find something to feel excited about too! ✨️

1) I'm excited to continue refining my art until it reaches a quality I can be unambiguously proud of. We never stop growing as creatives, but we do eventually reach a baseline of accomplishment with our craft. I don't think I am at that baseline yet by a long shot. I have a lot to learn and even though I love the process of learning too, I look forward to the day that I feel accomplished in my work.

How that accomplishment can be defined though is different for everyone. It might be a tangible metric like mastering a certain medium, finding a style, finishing a project or creating a certain piece. Even something as simple as learning to draw a subject that's always stumped them. Sometimes its something more ambiguous, just the feeling or the sense of getting to where you wanted to be. Or in my case, a handful of these things all at once!

2) I'm excited to play new games. Since joining the Soulsborne community, I've been surrounded by incredible experiences, amazing art, beautiful music, thought-provoking discussions and more that has enriched my life beyond what I could ever have imagined. I'm always hungry for more though, and I am constantly looking forward to the next new adventure our community will set out upon even while I repeatedly replay the ones we already have.

That said, I do have my finger to the pulse of a certain imminent DLC right now in particular and I can't tell you how excited I am to finally play it!

3) I'm excited to one day step into the world of video, streaming and other similar creative pursuits. I've been talking about this for ages on my blog by now and have hesitated to commit to any of it, admittedly out of pure uncertainty. The internet is already so populated with skilled and established people that it can feel a little daunting to try and step into that arena as a newcomer.

In general, in a lot of spaces, it's easy to feel like you have nothing new or substantial to offer. But it's the individual themself that brings that newness and substance. Every person has their own cadence, their own style, their own ideas, their own quirks and nuances, their own personality. By and large, those are the things that sell people on your work more than the nature of the work itself in many cases.

It's also important to temper your expectations of yourself. Success often isn't what's important; it's whether you feel fulfilled by what you do. The needle obviously shifts quite a bit towards numbers and engagement and success when your craft is in fact your job, and that is a separate, more complicated conversation. But if your craft is not your business, don't trick yourself into treating it like a business, much less one that lives or dies by the number of likes, shares, views or any other metric it receives.

This is a lesson I've been trying to internalise: the point of creating is simply to create. I'm excited to finally embrace that idea and to fall in love with experimenting for the sheer joy of it again.

4) I'm excited to discover. There's so many things to see, smell, taste, hear and touch. There's millions of new experiences I can't even conceive of that are waiting for us, big or small, thrilling or mundane. Discovering a new song, a new piece of media, a new tool to draw with, a new technique to try, a new food to taste, a new friend to meet, a new idea, a new hobby.

There is always newness even in a world that feels stagnant. I look forward to the things I don't even know I am looking forward to yet. I think there is something very comforting in knowing that, inevitably, something new will come along to enrich our lives even in the smallest of ways, and it can happen today, tomorrow, next week or next year. The unknown can be full of frightening things, but it is equally filled with exciting ones. Even when I feel my worst, I try to remind myself to be excited for the little mysteries.

[mx-piggy]

It’s the Muppet Show with our very special guest star Cecil! (or, the post about my Muppet OC, Cecil)

DISCLAIMER: I am not an artist. That said, I think my drawings are neat and I like them, despite the low quality.

To find out more about Cecil, keep reading! And, if you’re interested in learning any other facts about Cecil that aren’t listed, ask away, and I’d be happy to answer!

Cecil is the Muppet Show’s resident poet, thespian, playwright and director. 

As part of their act, they read out poetry or put on their own renditions of famous theatrical scenes (as an actor, playwright and/or director) often involving their fellow castmates and the celebrity guest stars. Sometimes, their act would be a condensed summary of a famous piece of literature, acted out by their fellow castmates and/or the celebrity guest star, and narrated by Cecil themself. Unfortunately, their monotone voice and direction ruins their productions. Cecil will accidentally instruct their performers to read several of their lines in the same monotonous way as them.

Their most notable traits are their lack of discernible emotion, their tendency to say profound things and their fascination with the macabre, which often disturbs Kermit and their other Muppet castmates to no end. Although their monotony can be misconstrued as apathy, they do care about their work and their friends (their closest friend being Scooter), so much so that they will endanger themself for both with little reservation. In the past, they sacrificed their dignity in order to bring joy to others, which carries over into their loyalty to their friends. A more subtle trait of theirs is their quick-wittedness. As they often look and sound deceptively melancholy and are known for their serious drama productions and bleak poetry performances, people tend to forget that Cecil is actually knowledgeable about comedy.

Before being cast in the Muppet Show, Cecil used to be a successful clown- hence their vibrant hair and their irreversibly pinkened nose. They come from a large family of successful clowns (all of whom share a small car). Whilst majoring in clown studies at Chuck L. Honks University (and minoring in stand-up comedy), they dated a girl from a nearby liberal arts college, who introduced them to literature and the theatre. Unfortunately, this girlfriend broke up with Cecil because she believed that Cecil hid themself behind a shield of humour and that they were incapable of being serious. They could only yearn from afar for this high brow life that they had only just gotten a taste of, and went on to graduate as the valedictorian; their speech was met with raucous laughter and thunderous applause.

They found working as a clown to be demeaning and cheap, despite the joy they brought to others. This caused conflict for Cecil, who didn’t want to rob the world of laughter. Upon realising how truly unfulfilling being a clown truly was for them, they decided to become involved in what they perceived as more meaningful art, much to the disappointment of their parents.

Initially, Cecil tried to find a happy medium between comedy and their desire to be a writer, so they created a sitcom called ‘A Funny Bunch’, which followed the wacky misadventures of a normal teenager and his all-clown family (sounds familiar, right?). The show was known for its ability to be simultaneously hilarious and its uncompromising tackling of serious issues that was groundbreaking for the time. Cecil wrote every episode of the award-winning first three seasons, and it was on the set of the show that they met Scooter, an intern who had been hired at the behest of executive producer J.P. Grosse. After Cecil left to pursue other projects, the show went on for four more seasons, which fans claimed was when the show saw a sharp drop in quality due to the absence of Cecil as the writer. Cecil is still very proud of the sitcom, despite pursuing more ‘serious’ creative endeavours.

Their debut poetry collection was met with critical acclaim, though their directorial debut- a stage production of A Streetcar Named Desire, starring Miss Piggy as Blanche du Bois- was panned for ‘the wooden acting of its lacklustre cast’. Thankfully, their acting debut as Ophelia was referred to as ‘not the worst part’ of a particularly disastrous production of Hamlet. Not long after the release of their short story collection, Cecil was cast in the Muppet Show, which allowed them to gain confidence as an actor and director.

Although Cecil became more immersed in projects they perceived as more meaningful than clownery, they have frequently referenced their past as a clown. On rare occasions, they have also been known to temporarily come out of retirement as a clown on the Muppet Show- typically to save Fozzy’s stand-up acts- much to the delight of the audience.

Following the Muppet Show, Cecil worked as a writer, particularly as a poet, playwright and screenwriter. They lost confidence in acting and directing after a particularly scathing review of their production of the Crucible, which they directed and starred in. Additionally, they dated Janice for a while. They travelled with the Electric Mayhem on tour for around a year, allowing them to work on their writing projects. Cecil got to see Janice and the band’s success first-hand, and as their own dwindled, Cecil concluded that Janice would be better off without them, especially after Janice expressed concern about their ‘like, totally negative energy’. So, they left without telling her and the band, and went back to living with Scooter.

When the Muppets reunited to save the Muppet Theatre, Cecil was finally convinced to return to acting and directing. They put on their favourite scene from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (despite Kermit’s reservations). They also read Frost’s Nothing Gold Can Stay and Tennyson’s In Memoriam A.H.H., despite the fact that the poems are highly depressing and  heavily implied that the Muppets are past their prime, if not deceased. The latter poem was particularly in reference to their breakup with Janice, who got back together with Cecil in the end.

As of 2015, Cecil is a writer and occasional performer for Up Late With Miss Piggy. They once appeared as a guest on the show whilst promoting their memoirs and the release of their upcoming film which they wrote, co-written and directed by Charlie Kaufman. During this period, the Electric Mayhem helped compose Cecil’s first ever song.

Cecil has learned to embrace their gift for comedy, so now writes for many well-received comedy-drama series, and they have even written a couple of comedy-horror films that are all critically acclaimed (such as the one referenced below).

Cecil’s best friend is Scooter. They became friends years before the Muppet Show, when Scooter worked as an intern on the set of Cecil’s sitcom. They are on-and-off roommates, but their friendship is constant. The pair of them are highly loyal to one another and always try to help each other out with things. Scooter will always give Cecil feedback on their work when they ask and will always buy a copy of their books (adorably, he also asks them to sign them). Meanwhile, Cecil will always speak up for Scooter when he needs someone to. All in all, they care deeply about one another.

Despite the fact that he’s often unnerved by them, Kermit appreciates Cecil. Even if they’re not much of an actor, and their direction leads to their actors speaking in monotone voices, Cecil will often deliver an oddly touching poem that will bring a tear to his eye. He also recognises their writing talent, and will always buy their latest book. Not only does he find them to be an asset to the show, but he also finds them to be helpful and insightful, and a really good friend.

Miss Piggy and Cecil are not close friends, but Cecil tends to direct her in their scenes, and will sometimes even act alongside her. Miss Piggy doesn’t care much for Cecil in the same way that she doesn’t care much for anyone, but she’ll always tolerate Cecil because they’re always eager to feature Miss Piggy in their productions. In fact, Miss Piggy starred as Blanche du Bois in Cecil’s production of A Streetcar Named Desire. Ever since then, she has held a grudge against Cecil for tarnishing her reputation like that. Miss Piggy often ends up expressing fury towards Cecil when they’re directing her or acting alongside her, because their monotonous voice and direction often undermine/ruin her own performances. One time, Cecil ended up asking Kermit to cancel their performance segment because Miss Piggy’s acting was ‘too wooden’. Miss Piggy proceeded to chase Cecil around the theatre in a blind rage for the entire episode.

Another frequent actor in Cecil’s performances is Gonzo. Most notably, he played the eponymous Raven in Cecil’s reading/performance of Edgar Allan Poe’s the Raven, in which Cecil took on the role as the unnamed Narrator (a painting of Janice, or ‘Lenore’, also appeared in the sketch). Gonzo and Cecil get along well as fellow weirdos. Cecil is willing to help Gonzo out with his stunts in any way they can, though they care about Gonzo’s safety enough to attempt to deter him from doing something too dangerous. Gonzo’s never read any of Cecil’s books, but he thinks their shows and movies are ‘pretty darn cool’, and he will excitedly rave to them about how much he enjoys them.

Cecil became friends with Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem during the Muppet Show, but was a fan of theirs long before then. They own a sizable collection of Electric Mayhem t-shirts. Of all the band, they are closest with Janice, Dr. Teeth and Floyd, and the latter two view Cecil as their ‘freaky little dude’. Dr. Teeth bonded with Cecil over their complicated family dynamics. Floyd has taught Cecil how to play the bass, though they’re not as good a bassist as him. Lips thinks that Cecil is cool and they get along just fine, and Zoot definitely has a few photos of them from Cecil’s time on the road with the Mayhem. Animal probably likes them well-enough, too, though it’s unclear. It was well known to everyone but Janice- and likely the rest of the Mayhem- that Cecil had a crush on Janice, something they expressed throughout the Muppet Show via love poetry that Janice had no idea was about her. Though, Janice would always compliment Cecil on their performances regardless. Their romantic history has been previously stated, so I won’t re-iterate it. Now that they are back together, Cecil finds themself a part of the Electric Mayhem’s polycule. 

[usamamoweek]

Meet the Mods!

What username(s) and platform(s) can folx find you on? (Please include links!)

Hi, folx! I'm Lillie Bell. I can be found on AO3, and all my shenanigans happen on tumblr @lilliebellfanfics

(Fun Fact) What is your favorite kind of potato?

Waffle House hashbrowns -- smothered, covered, and capped

How long have you been creating works in fandom spaces? How long have you been active in the SM fandom?

I'm one of the OG crew from when the internet was young (lol). I wrote SM fanfiction as a teenager during the era of Alicia Blade, ASMR, etc., I had a short stint in as the writing mod in the SML LJ community, and have recently returned to writing fanfiction, mostly smut, after a long hiatus. I also write for Seven Deadly Sins when I'm not completely lost in SM.

What type(s) of creative works do you usually make? (fanfics, digital art, cosplay)

I cannot draw to save my life or take a good picture, so I am solidly a writer only. I am super impressed by folx who can work in multiple mediums. Words are hard enough, so that's what I stick too :D

What do you enjoy about creating for the SM fandom?

I love the joy & support the community has for each other as well as the diversity of ships and people in the fandom. For the characters, there are so many facets to play with and explore that I never feel like I'm done telling their stories. There are so many more situations to put these babies in!

Are you strictly UsaMamo or do you create for other pairings as well?

I write more UsaMamo than any other pairing, but ReiNako are my grumpy x sunshine queens and I love them. I've also delved into writing KunZoi recently and love their dynamic as well. I'm very much ship and let ship, so I enjoy reading pretty much any ship, but I can only write a pairing/poly that I feel I have a good grasp on. Hence, usually UsaMamo, ReiNako, and sometimes KunZoi.

What inspires you to create works for Usagi and Mamoru?

All the feels (lol). I have specific facets of their personalities or backgrounds that I love to explore. I love to mess with Mamoru the Orphan and how that shapes his decisions & personality (good and bad), and how he evolves with that background over time. I love happy-go-lucky Usagi who is just out in a world being herself, falling through life and living it to the fullest, but also has these big responsibilities and rises to every call.

Do you tend to work on multiple projects (WIPs) simultaneously or try to finish one at a time?

I have multiple WIPs right now, but I tend to be very focused on one at a time (for better or worse). I don't like leaving things not done, so multiple WIPs starts to grate on me to just get it done.

Do you prefer large projects (chaptered fics, webtoons/zines, highly detailed art) or small projects (one-shots or simple art)?

I like one shots / smaller fics where I can hint at how we got here or how the future might look after, but the focus is one small moment between the characters. That said, I currently have two long fics I'm working on... because reasons. XD

Are there any common themes, situations, tropes, or mediums in your work?

I write fairly broadly between dark, smut, and some fluff. There's usually a comedic edge, so it's not 24/7 serious (I'm not that person if you noticed ;D ). My favorite tropes are forbidden love/romance and the banter of grumpy x sunshine. There are definite themes but they may not always come through. For Mamoru, I like to put him in situations he isn't prepared for and help him make bad decisions. I really enjoy playing with his connection to Earth / Elysion and his strong sense of loyalty/duty to Usagi, as well as his shitennou. For Usagi, I think her friends treat her too delicately and, even though she's a bit silly or not totally organized, she will show up for her friends or the world when it's in trouble. I like to play in that space where she is unexpectedly mature b/c Usagi is a quintessential example of a person who doesn't have her shit together, she's not perfect & that's okay, and she can save the world just as she is. MF QUEEN.

I bring these elements into my other pairings--they are pretty common dynamics. KunZoi and ReiNako are facets of grumpy x sunshine and love vs duty/honor. So, I do like to push the characters into uncomfortable territory and then see how they respond. Rei always raises to the bait. Kunzite will crumble... eventually (if mechanical bulls are involved).

Is there anything you haven’t explored artistically and would like to try?

I've done a little bit of everything in my tenure in the fandom, but I think I'd like to produce a few more chaptered works, but not excessively long (6 chaps vs 20). I seem to be strong in either the one shot category or long fic category, but not in between. So that's something I'd very much like to work on for my own sanity.

[inkabelledesigns]

I have a really weird relationship with gift art. Truth be told, I've often felt like it's an obligation rather than something I can do freely whenever I want. I have met so many wonderful people over the course of my life, and many of them are people I'm glad to call my friends. Some have even reached the status of close friends. But the downside is that because I know so many amazing people, I simply do not have the time, energy, or drive to draw for all of them. Sometimes it's because I'm busy and have a lot on my plate. I don't draw as much as I used to because I'm exhausted, and my feet are wet in so many mediums that it's hard to dedicate as much time to illustration for myself, much less for other people. Sometimes the characters they have aren't something that translates well into my style or skill level. Sometimes I'm more into hearing them be excited about the thing than I am the thing itself. All of those things are valid, I'm not obligated to draw or create for everyone. I hope that spending quality time with me is enough, the conversations we have, the laughs we share, I hope those are enough of a gift for people.

I worried for the longest time that if I went and drew for one person but not another, feelings would be hurt. I started to feel like I "owed" everyone, and at a certain point, it became easier to draw for no one rather than for just the few. No one could be hurt if I treated everyone the same, right? Well no, people will still find ways to be hurt. Many don't mean to, some have good intentions, and some do not. There have been many people in my lifetime that felt entitled to my time, attention, affection, and art, even when I don't draw for anybody. Some of them are people who have created something for me, and some are people who have used me. It's happened with my drawings, my voice, my writing, all of it.

I don't know how much this comes across, but I give a lot of myself, sometimes too much. I try very hard to make sure I have enough to go around with my time, attention, affection, etc, and it's hard. Sometimes I don't exist for myself, sometimes I give too much and don't live for my own sake. I don't come from anywhere strange though. The whole theme of my dad's funeral was that he lived a life of service, and so many people came that had their lives changed by the things he did. Sometimes he worked himself too hard, and while I admire what he did, I hope he got to live enough of his life the way he wanted. I hope he had a better balance about give and take than I do that I don't know about. I love my dad a lot. You know what he said to me, over and over? "Go live your life." He told me I had so many wonderful gifts, and the right people will appreciate them when they get to know me. I was so worried that no one would want me for me growing up, that I'm only as good as the skills I can bring to the table. It was really important for me to hear that I am more than my skills, because my gifts aren't just things I do, they're things that are a part of me.

And you know what? He's right. I think, the friends that I have now, the ones who care about me and get me? They get that I only have so much bandwidth and aren't gonna take my lack of art as a slight. The people who really know me and love me don't keep me around because of what I can do for them, they like having me because I'm an enjoyable, interesting person to be around.

And for the first time in my life, I feel a little bit safer daring to draw something for someone else. I joined Art Fight this year to help me work through some of those complicated feelings, improve my skills with traditional line art, and draw something nice for my friends, and I'm so glad I have. Every person I've drawn for has been so incredibly thankful and sweet about the things I've made for them, and it fills my heart with so much joy. My work may not be the fanciest thing any of them receive this year, but it's filled with heart, and I think that shows. Likewise, I have been incredibly thankful for every piece that people have done for me. I've gushed to each and every artist in DMs and servers and comments on the site and social media to let them know they did an amazing job. I want all of them to feel the love! I didn't expect to get attacked period, nor for the characters that have gotten attacks to get the kind of attention they did, and it's made my heart feel so full and warm. Like, y'all didn't have to say such nice things about my stories and designs, but you did and I'm not over it, aaaahhhh!

Having a format where I can show my love that's got easy ways to make my boundaries clear has been really helpful. I like that I have clear guidelines for what people are hoping for for art too, it makes it easier to figure out what's a good match for how I do things so I can really make someone's day. I've made it very apparent that I won't be doing revenge attacks for everyone, and no one is being mean to me about it. That is a good feeling. This is just, really really good. I'm glad to be doing this. It's gonna be okay. I'm just, so relieved. This is okay. I'm okay. I'm free.

[dallonwrites]

cactus, sage & aloe vera for the asks pls! <3

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

ever since i started testosterone and my hunger and appetite went UPPPP i've gotten way more into cooking and baking and food science and it is all so interesting to me! and it's not even from a health/diet pov at all it's just thinking about how food works and how i respond to it and as someone with stomach problems and also autism food sensitivities who basically ate Nothing for the first 20 years of my life it is all very healing!

and bc this is a writeblr a writing thing i'm learning and thinking about a lot is taking inspo form other writers and what that actually means. i've talked about it before but i used to read prose i love and not know what to do with that. i'd get frustrated because i did not understand how the writer was just able to conjure a line like that. and then i was so focused on wanting to reflect that writer that i did not consider where in the reflection my writing would go. i've noticed as i grow more confident in my style i've also grown more confident in how to emulate. sometimes i like to do exercises where i intentionally try to write a Passage That Sounds Like This Writer but it's more of a learning process as to the how of that style, which i then mix with my own writing. now whenever i take inspo from other styles it feels more like a love letter to those writers rather than a sensed need that to be Good at writing i need to Write Like This Person, when not only could i not truly write like that person but that person also could not write like me! that's the beauty of it! i actually reread a short story i loved last year recently and found some of the prose, not bad but i was like hmm not for me anymore! overall i still loved the prose but it showed me how i was able to love a style but still pick out what elements of it i liked and would want to incorporate it on my own vs what i wouldn't do myself (which again, does not make that particular element bad), rather than trying to make a perfect replication

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

ohhh my god okay sorry i have to be that guy who just says All of them. my brain simply refuses to see one type of art as more touching than the other!! it is just not true they all serve different purposes and the same purposes in different ways!! even the ones that are most touching to me personally is so dependent on the time and era. lately i find something that touches me in everything. like fiction will always have a special space in my heart because my creativity is driven by the fact that i can create fully fleshed people in my head where for me everything about them feels real - their emotions, their fears, their joy - and that is something that never fails to amaze me. on the other hand, poetry was the only medium after my mom died where i felt i could process my emotions about that at a time when they didn't make sense yet, because of poetry's space for abstractness. it became like a necessity. and then on another hand i'm amazed by painting and how brushstrokes and style can convey so much it's magic to me. recently when i listen to music i notice different instruments and sounds and how they work together at once and i'm obsessed with it, the ecosystem of it all. every day i become more and more of a cinephile because i'm just obsessed with all the elements of creation in movies - from performance to writing to visuals to soundtracking to sfx to editing - especially in all the 60s-80s films i've been watching for lover boy and how the effects don't always look "realistic" but they are earnest. and statues and embroidery and crotchet and pottery and makeup and nail art and gender expression and graphic design and cooking and i can go on every art medium is storytelling to me. AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAVE PAINTINGS??? ROCK PAINTINGS?? EVEN AT OUR MOST PRIMAL WE WERE CREATING! all of it is touching to me!!

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

i want to see the sunrise more often especially coming out of summer where it rises at like 4am i now feel a yearning to get up at like 6am and see it. unfortunately i have Far Too Many sleep problems to be getting out of bed at a time like that

get to know me asks

[yellowtiebite]

Hey!

I saw your comments on the AI post and sorry if this is annoying lol, I just wanted to say if AI art brings you joy then obviously you should have at it,

but I also wanted to say, as an artist, you left an impression on me. One I’m sure I’ll think about often from here on out.

I covet the “early” stages of art… learning a skill is difficult, but you can make anything of yourself in that window. There is no objectivity in art — no good, no bad, not even ugly. That is all opinion and mentality.

There were times I abandoned art, too, so I understand you. There were times I simply thought I was no longer going to be an artist. But eventually, by doodle or by the human need to create, I came back. And art block is also very real… but there are so many mediums to dig into, as well. Why not carve, sculpt, or even write? Your writing skills are quite nice, from what I read.

To conclude my message…After a long time (critical detail here:) studying and imitating art I *did* like that was made by others who inspired me, I had a breakthrough, and I’m now happy with what I can create. Still, I keep pushing myself. This doesn’t even mean my art is good (especially not in any objective sense), I am simply satisfied with it. I accept and love it. It is my mark on the world that I have every right to make.

I encourage you to read up a little on things like “naive art” — such raw self expression is innately human. Even if it doesn’t make you want to create again, perhaps you will find some beauty in it.

I don’t mean to proselytize. Simply put, from one member of our species to another, I’d like to impart you some anonymous encouragement.

Don’t let the glass be half empty when the whole of all art is sprawling endlessly and calling to you. Take up the space you have the right to, make a horrible mess on paper if that’s what it comes to. It is healing. It is necessary. It may not feel good immediately, but we all need some way to empty out our feelings. It’s like stretching out a stiff muscle until it can really work again.

I learned a long time ago to ignore the devil on my shoulder that said my work is meaningless.

I wish you the very best and much optimism for all that lies ahead, whatever it may be… and above all, peace! 🫂

First of thanks for making such a long, detailed and heartfelt comment. I appreciate and respect that. I never had art blocks myself. It was just my art was terrible but I get what you mean. I also pretty much quit writting. More recently realised not just drawing but all art I do is terrible and awful and plan to stop it all soon enough. I don't actually use AI art but wanted to say I could if I wanted to. Sorry for putting it poorly in that text. I just should not draw. I think I knew that since the start but little white lies I told myself put the truth away. I prob won't be doing any other creative art forms. They are just misserable amalgamations of my incompetance and stupidity. Hell who knows I maybe will finally be able to take my life. We can hope.

Peace🫂

[jonphaedrus]

2022 fic year in review

2022 was a weird year. i pulled an all-nighter on feb 16 and i was possessed by the ghost of prfr past and an opera only i care about and then i woke up ten months later (kidding. i have not woken up at all) nearly a million words later and with my entire life in slight disarray and an unbreakable obsession with pokémon villain from baby jrpg fake france

anyway let's do the breakdown. im gonna take some questions from the overall ao3 wrapped lists going around, and then do the greatest hits/thoughs of all my fav fics from every month of the year (by posted date, including if it was adjusted for reveals; im not taking into account when things were "actually" written, but also neither will ongoing wips still unfinished count)

total word count in 2022: i waited to post this until id posted my final fics of the year and got the final count and cant stop staring at that 780k total. wtf. some of this is wips from across multiple years updated in 2022 (and much of it is roleswap which is going to get bumped into 2023...) but it's the most i've ever written on my own, ever. multiple past years combined. i stuggled so much with writing from 2018-2021 and i thought i'd never find it as easy or relaxing again and to have found joy in my words makes me so happy. LOOK HOW MUCH I WROTE! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

fav fic i wrote this year: not counting ongoing wips (sorry roleswap. otherwise roleswap would be like the #1 thing on every answer), "tomorrow you must love me" is the best thing ive ever written (before roleswap) and it was such a joy and struggle to work on. i was so nervous and scared writing every bit of it but it came out exactly the way i wanted to. learning how to write longfic (for me) has been such a beautiful experience and it's made me so happy to share with others!

fav fic i read this year: "do let the old enmity be" by sam (my favorite gift anyone has ever given me on ao3 i cant—i cant even handle it i melt i explode i climb onto the rooftop to holler across the atlantic ocean), both fics in sam's mutual pining series (i have read both of these fics so many times... my favorite sam fics. or close to my favorite sam fics. we met because of mp1... these two STUPID, STUPID FUCKING FISH!!!!) and "mira vs. sasha cant" which might not have been written for me but it was written to infiltrate my brain and give me strength beyond imagining. oh, my god, it's so good, please read it. I AM NO LONGER ASKING.

fav series i read this year: royals having a nice time by ba_lailah. if you like polyamory, gender, sex (both the kind you do with other people and the bits attached to the body), pregnancy, family, parenthood, developing relationships, realism and worldbuilding, kids, the complexity of monarchy and the realities of rule, really REALLY REALLY hot porn, and some of the best bdsm ive ever read, treat yourself and go read rhant. there's a 250k novel coming this year. it's incredible. worth your time. go. read it.

fav exchange this year: fic in a box. the chance to play around with mediums and stylesheets and the exchange community around fiab was lovely. all the pinch hits i wrote were so much fun—i literally don't think i saw a single prompt i didnt adore!—and the mods were fabulous and i got LITERALLY THE BEST GIFT EVER. fiab is honestly a ton of fun. if you're new to exchanges and you want to try something a little out of left field, i really recommend fiab! the signups can be sort of esoteric but don't let the mediums or the complexity of the rulesets scare you off (they almost scared me off but sam coaxed me through it like a nervous small mammal) or the 10k minimum. you can break that up in so many ways (vids, art, cross stitch or knitting patterns, pixel art, voxel art, interactive fiction, asw remixes, comics, poetry, drabbles, standard fic, social media...) that it's really accessible and encourages so much thinking out of the box. i am SO EXCITED for next year.

fav ship i wrote for: GEE, I FUCKING WONDER.

fav character pov to write: you might think "prfr, either half" but no. it's shauna, actually. i love writing her and her perspective on things. she's so relatable and i just. i love her. her voice comes so easily to me, i cant wait to write her more in 2023

fav scene i wrote: a three-way tie between "as you treated him, so shall i treat you" which is just one scene but it set me on such an unexpected and amazing path to meeting some of my best friends and the most important people in my life and improving my craft and becoming so much happier on every axis ALL BECAUSE I DIDNT SLEEP AND I WAS MAD NOBODY ELSE HAD WRITTEN LYSANDRE GETTING STEPPED ON.... the scene with shauna and augustine in the grass in "with tenderness and pretty words it is easy to conquer good girls' hearts" which was a lot of catharsis for me as well as augustine and shauna, and a very specific chapter late in roleswap. i'm not saying which one. that's for me to know and you to find out.

wip i finally finished: inspired by the ficwip server, i've been working (slowly) on some of my old wips, and finally finished starry heavens, which was meant to be done like eight years ago. it's character studies of every major character in tales of symphonia, and getting to see it in full and my growth as an author over the better part of the last decadeis a little humbling. ive come so far! writing is great actually!

wip i've yet to finish: roleswap. 2023. we will do it. it will be done. as soon as my fffx is draft complete, roleswap is my heart and soul.

most read fic: it is (a little unsurprisingly given how long it is...) roleswap! which makes me so, so happy. sam and i have worked so hard

longest fic (completed in 2022): "tomorrow you must love me" at 57k

shortest fic: apparently it was "in which the author reaches the end of his rope" at 193 words. i didnt even remember writing this so jkhlkdfjhglsdhkfg

fav fic title used: "RÉEL FIBSHING: LUMIOSE CITY EDITION" which is twine-style interactive fiction about magikarp jump, set in sam's "as the night the day" universe which i wholeheartedly adore and you should go read it.

biggest surprise while writing: how much easier it is for me to do multi-chapter and longform works! i've always really struggled in the past to stay committed and complete things, but this year i've really started to move into the realm of being able to just... write longfic! that's very exciting to me.

fav comment received: shout out to ao3 users yelp, who is an absolute delight in exchanges. like, seriously, yelp is such a sweetheart. omg. i would write for them in an exchange again in a heartbeat and their comments are so sweet.... and also every other comment i got. thank you ;;v;; they make me so happy... i hardly ever even know what to say

fav fic author i read: i wonder who that ao3 user samifer is. what a guy. in all seriousness, this year my favorite authors were my friends. they helped me out, gave me advice, and made me feel so full of love i can't even begin to say how much. i'm so lucky to know these amazing people and i can't encourage you to read everything by sam, kay, neku, lailah, or sushi enough. theyre all amazing fabulous authors and fantastic people and i love them so much. you should go love them too!!!!!

total fics/chapters uploaded: 174. i said that aloud and my husband said "holy crap babe" from the other room. what the actual fuck

what am i most looking forward to next year: FINISHING ROLESWAP IM SO EXCITED ITS ALL IM THINKING ABOUT!!! IM SO READY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok and finally under the cut my favorite fic from each month of 2022!

JANUARY 2022 -- SINCE THE DARK (owain & l'arachel, gen)

i've been doing nagamas since the very first year and it's still one of my favorite exchanges. getting to play around with a narrator as fun as owain and contrasting him with l'arachel was great and seeing their crossover interactions was so good. nagamas gr9 actually. 10/10 exchange will always participate again

FEBRUARY 2022 -- AS YOU TREATED HIM, SO SHALL I TREAT YOU (prfr, m)

what else, lol? i didnt sleep i listened to an entire opera, i blacked out, i woke up ten months later and discovered i'd moved in and written like four novels. i am never moving back out. i love everyone in this house. especially sam.

MARCH 2022 -- IN EVERY PLACE, AT EVERY TIME (prfr, e)

inspired by sam prompting for phone sex and mutual pining, playing around with academia and conferences and giving this the most #onbrand title/chapter title/summary combo i could come up with this also led to me meeting new dear friends!!

APRIL 2022 -- TOMORROW YOU MUST LOVE ME (prfr, e)

im so stupid proud of this fic. setting up a plot this complex with so many moving pieces and multiple povs and multiple mediums and dealing with so many real life issues was a lot of moving pieces but it was so, so worth it. it was worth all of the work because it's one of the best things ive ever written and it came out just how i wanted to and it helped me make my friends happy and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i just love prfr and writing c/c/c has been just amazing and I WILL KEEP GOING NEXT YEAR!! THIS YEAR WHATEVER IT'S 2023 NOW BUT WHATEVER ITS STILL 5783

MAY 2022 -- WHO COULD USE FORCE AGAINST A HEART LIKE HIS (IV) (prfr, e)

sam prompted me for using bdsm as therapy and i wanted to write cnc and it spiralled very out of control. one of the questions someone asked early on with c/c/c was what happened at The Incident and i'd intended to write that and playing with vanilla sex and safewording and cnc and trust was really difficult and i've struggled off and on for most of the year with this series of 5+1 but every one as i've finished it has been such an accomplishment even when it's been hard. especially when it's been hard.

JUNE 2022 -- 'TIS NOT LONG BEFORE THEY FEEL THEIR FEEBLE SOULS BEGIN TO REEL

how, HOW, HOW??? WAS I THE FIRST PERSON TO (APPARENTLY??) WRITE T4T SEX POLLEN FIC ON AO3? anyway it was fun and the result is sexy sexy sex

JULY 2022 -- AS THOUGH IT WERE POSSIBLE TO COMMAND LOVE

sam asked for prfr one bed and then FIFTY THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS LATER they finally made it to the bed and fucked in it. good for them.

AUGUST 2022 -- SILKEN DALLIANCE

the entire writer's month challenge was an experience (writing that much every day for a month... im glad i did it but im not doing it again i dont think dfkjhgkdfhg) but of all the fics i wrote i think this was my favorite. i really struggled with this prompt and i wasn't all that happy with it as i was writing it/right after but as time has passed i've been more and more proud of it.

SEPTEMBER 2022 -- TIRED OF THIS BODY

i dont really have anything insightful to say here. uh. getting into new and slightly unexpected kinks is character growth?

OCTOBER 2022 -- ONE CANDLE IN THE RAIN

something something if i had a nickel for every trans serial killer au i've written id have two nickels which is a weird number of nickels to have for something this specific and niche. anyway getting into new and slightly unexpected kinks (and then getting your friends into new and slightly unexpected kinks) is character growth

NOVEMBER 2022 -- WHO COULD USE FORCE AGAINST A HEART LIKE HIS (V)

i stuill have mixed feelings about this fic. i think this was like... my fifth or sixth attempt at writing it, and it honestly still didnt turn out exactly how i wanted it to and im a little bit frustrated by that, but as much as i tell people it doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be done, i struggle with "done, not perfect" and "done, not perfect" here meant i finished this and it made me happy. ive learned a lot this year and one of the things i learned was to let go of perfection and finish stories and be happy with the growth from them. this grew out of so many ideas and the way it ended up is just right just the way it is.

DECEMBER 2022 -- AZURE AS ANTEDILUVIAN SONG or RÉEL FIBSHING: LUMIOSE CITY EDITION

fiab was such a good exchange ;__; i had so much fun and i can't wait to do it again next year. pinch hitting and treating and getting to write for some of my best friends and trying out new mediums was so much fun and i definitely feel like i grew a lot as a writer in the process. writing interactive fiction was a new one for me (i've never written anything even like a choose your own adventure even just for friends before as a kid or anything) and it definitely was a new experience, especially playing around with 2nd person like that, and twine had a learning curve, but it was a fun learning curve c: azure as antediluvian song came out of me all in one go based on a prompt without even intending to write it. kazuha is my favorite genshin character and i loved this au concept and getting to play around with ayato was unexpectedly enjoyable! genshin lore good.

[obsoleteozymandias]

1. Hello I was wondering if I could get a lotr and marvel matchup?

2. I’m bisexual with she/her pronouns so any gender is fine!

3. Appearance:

As for looks, I’m 5’1, average to smaller build, tanned olive type skin, dark brown eyes, full lips, dark brown shoulder length wavy/kinda curly hair with curtain bangs. I also wear glasses with a slight cat eye to them.

4. Personality:

For personality I’m creative, introverted, and individualistic. Though I’m introverted, around my friends I can be quite talkative, humorous and outgoing. However I definitely treasure my alone time the most.

5. Hobbies/Interests:

As for hobbies escaping to new worlds while reading books/comics, watching movies, and playing rpg video games (I’m quite the homebody if u couldn’t tell). My favorite genres are fantasy and sci-fi, though I do love a good classic from time to time. Apart from that, I love working out.

My interests on the other hand are art focused. I’m currently in art school working with both digital and traditional mediums. I love my practice and everything from interaction design and digital illustration to graphite drawings and inking.

6. Likes/dislikes:

Likes: coffee, chai tea, dark chocolate, rock/blues/jazz/ music, cafe art shows, arcades, comic book stores, purple, thai/Indian/Chinese food, roller blading to classic rock with the wind in my hair, quality alone time

BDislikes: people i am unfamiliar with and have to make small talk with, the biting cold, rain, non fiction, staying too close to reality and not being allowed to daydream/imagine/roam freely in my thoughts, too much physical touch, overly crowded areas

Thank you!

It shall be so. 

== The Lord of the Rings ==>

I match you up with…

Galadriel 

As a fellow introvert, I understand the necessity of alone time, and so does Galadriel. She’s never been one for large gatherings either, and so your solitude syncs up perfectly with hers. Oftentimes, you two will simply sit in the same room together, content to be in the other’s presence without feeling pressured to speak or fill the silence. 

She’ll sit near you, and maybe simply kiss your forehead gently every now and then. You’ll read together, and at the end of the day, share your thoughts on what you read. She always listens intently. 

That said, she definitely loves your more humorous and bold traits. She admires your passion for life in general, and how you find joy not in riches or status but simply in the things that make you happy. 

Your passion for the arts coincides with her deep and personal personality. She doesn’t have trouble expressing herself per say, but if you find her something that speaks to her on a personal level she will be absolutely delighted. It’s not often that people understand what goes on in her mind.  

She also finds solidarity in the way you daydream. She sees the future, sure, but her role as a leader also means she must be ready and willing to calculate the consequences of her actions. You take the edge off, providing a new point of view with a creative touch. 

And even when you’re not helping her with her duties, she finds comfort in your free-spirited mind and your ability to simply lose yourself in the things you love most. Maybe you can take her with you sometime. 

In her, you find a compassionate lover whose company you don’t mind at all, and in you, she finds a free-spirited lover who makes her feel young once more. 

== Marvel ==>

I match you up with…

Foggy Nelson 

Literally the best man in the MCU I will die on that hill. 

Foggy has always been attracted to the quiet but bold types, and boy do you rock his world. He’s empathetic to your initial awkwardness around new people, but being himself, he quickly makes you feel comfortable. He’s not afraid to play the fool if it means he gets to see you smile. 

He’s one of those people who says the most hilarious things out of nowhere, whether it be at a casual meetup or at home, he’s always cracking the most insane yet funny jokes you’ve ever heard. 

He’s an extravert, but he has no qualms about giving you your space. He’s loving, yes, but he also understands the need to simply be on your own sometimes. Every now and then, though, he’ll check up on you, making sure you’re feeling alright. 

If he sees you getting overstimulated, he’ll do whatever he can to bring you back down to earth. He has an astonishing intuition for what you need at any given point, so he’ll be there to keep you safe in any scenario. 

He definitely gets down to music with you. He’s into jazz and rock, and he knows the words by heart. Once you play a song he knows, it’s karaoke time. And he goes whole-ass. Foggy has been ashamed of a lot of things in his life, but being with you makes him feel free to be himself. 

Similarly, he never holds you back. If he sees you’re in a dreamy mood, he’ll give you all the time and space you need. He’ll even ask you about it later. 

I know he’s not everyone’s favorite, but Foggy is a grade-A man, and a dependable and uplifting partner. 

[samptlay]

Gracing Your Way Into His Heart Pt. 1 ♡ ⁠~⁠♪◍⁠•

A/N: To be honest, this took me 4-5 days to do, so look forward to part two which will be shorter but lots of fluff aaaaajsjdksncks 💋

Blade is a little self degrading 💔

You can picture the reader as a dancer, like Nilou. (If you can't already tell that's her in the banner lol)

ENJOY MY FIRST FIC🫶💗 PT.2 WILL BE SHORTER I PROMISEEEE ❄️

Word Count: 2k+

Part Two ❤️

You were everything he wished he could be. You were gentle, careful, graceful, captivating, easy on the eyes and so much more. How could a sinner like him even dare be in the same room as you? Breathe the same air as you? Yet he wanted more. So much more. The longing was too much for his empty heart.

When Kafka asked him to tag along with her and Silver Wolf to a theater on some random planet near the Stellaron Hunter base that none of them had been to, Blade declined, deeming it a waste of time.

Yet he found himself with the two of them all disguised, walking into the lively building after much pestering from S.W. and her cute yet mischievous "friends." They did their best to not draw attention as they made it through the lobby, not wanting to be recognized.

Of course, if anyone were to see them, he would take great pleasure in eliminating handling them, but Kafka scolded him before they left claiming he should avoid conflict and let everyone enjoy the "little moments in life before the joy slips away."

“Unnecessary.”

He snarled as the Stellaron Hunters found seats along the middle row, not too elevated but now too flat, just the way Kafka liked it. S.W. was (surprisingly) not on her phone at the moment, obviously bored and waiting on it to start. There’s two minutes until everything begins, yet he already wants out.

“Too many people.” He thought, observing as the auditorium was filled with faces of people who would rather spend their life sitting in a large crowded room, watching the movements of a person they’ve neer seen before Unbelievable.

“Too much noise.” He thought, ears ringing with all the murmurs around him, testing the mara deep inside his heart as they commented on the design of the stage, discussing how the last performance was apparently just amazingly perfect, how the star of the show shines brighter than everyone in the room. Curiosity made its way into his simple minded head.

“Too-” But his thought process was cut short, as he caught a glimpse of ombre hair up on stage, medium length yet just as perfect and petite. He raised his head as the audience fell quiet and he assumed all eyes were now on the stage, all eyes were now on her.

Each step she took was careful, as if the ground beneath her could collapse at any given moment. She made her way to the center, her footsteps so quiet you would notice her if she were to approach your figure and stab you with a dagger. That reference was unnecessary, he realized but quickly tucked it away in his mind as the music started, and so did your movements.

Even he, as a weapon himself, had to admit you were breathtaking. He was sure he had stopped breathing the second you flashed a gentle smile to the audience as if the crowd was your whole world. A smile that he knew he didn’t deserve, that he did nothing to earn, still, it made his heart yearn with longing.

As a Stellaron Hunter, he surely didn't smile, at least genuine ones that weren't forced for the person to stay alive. But he couldn't blame them. He didn't find anything about himself deserving of something so pure. He knew it wasn't meant for him personally, yet- he wanted to see it again.

You twirled across the stage, your long hair floating around your as you moved gracefully. Body light and flexible, every movement flowing seamlessly into the next. You could feel the music flowing through your veins, every note a part of your soul. The audience was hypnotized, unable to take their eyes off the beautiful sight as you danced. You were truly in your element, every step a work of art. You were beautiful. You were powerful. You were too much yet not enough all at once. In a blink of an eye, it was done.

“It was too short.” That was the only thing he could even process as the clapping started, along with the throwing of roses and cheers. He wasn't thinking, never in his life had he been more grateful for the ability to see. He even considered praying to the Aeons. He took a glance at his peers to see Silver Wolf cheering with a smile and Kafka clapping in an elegant manner and a satisfied look. He turned to the stage again as you took a graceful step forward and curtsied in appreciation.

He felt a sense of longing as you made your way out of everyone's sight and backstage, wishing you would at least gift them a glimpse of that precious curve of your mouth once more. But he was grateful, the most grateful he had ever been. The theater was starting to clear out but he didn’t even notice. His gaze was still on the stage, where you had been warming everyone’s heart a moment ago. He was… confused, to say the least. He had never felt something like this before and he wouldn’t mind feeling it again. But he’s a weapon. He’s not meant to feel, he’s not meant to have interests, he’s not meant to— want.

“—LD MAN!”

S.W. exclaimed, one of her “friends” waving their little hands in front of Blade's face as he finally came back into reality. He looked up to see both women had gotten up from their seats and stood in the aisle, the three of them the only ones in the auditorium. S.W. had a concerned expression which was the complete opposite of the amused look on Kafka’s face as she chuckled and shook her head. He was sure she knew what was going on with him but he would ask. He knew Kafka too well to know he wouldn't get a straightforward answer from her.

“Hm, it seems that Blade enjoyed the show. Don't worry about it too much Wolfie. Now let's get back to the base, we don't want Elio nagging us about leaving for too long, no?”

Kafka starts walking back to the lobby with Silver Wolf lingering for a moment before following while glancing back at Blade. After a few dragging seconds, he got up. He got up and followed, shifted, and walked before somehow finding himself in his dark, bland, basic room which was such a contrast compared to your enchanting soul.

He was cultivated by you. He was caught up in your web, in your dance, in your eyes, he was hooked, strung along your figure. He suddenly realized how empty he had felt inside. He realized how big the void in his heart was, and how utterly lonely immortality is. But it is his price to pay. It's his and his alone, for he must pay the price.

He sinned, he's a monster, an abomination who's been struck with mara. A monster who takes pleasure in the suffering of others. He can't control himself at times, and he's dangerous. He's a wanted criminal, bounty higher than life networks. He's a weapon. He wasn't even supposed to feel anything— but instead you decide to cast a spell on him? A spell that makes his heart thump until it physically hurts?

He used to be pure. He used to be the one making the blade, not wielding it. He used to have white, clean, held up hair. He used to be gentle, soft, generous and considerate. But who could ever consider him as a love interest with all the blood on his hands, with all the screams of the dead in the back of his mind. Would you even stand in the same room as him without trembling in fear?

Now he's getting ahead of himself. He's being delusional. A love interest? You most likely didn't even know he existed. Or perhaps you could, considering the bounty on his head. It would be even worse that way, if you really did know who he was. He prayed you didn't. But now he's frustrated with himself, with the world. You most likely had hundreds if not thousands of admirers, he could take note of that because of all the roses thrown at the stage that evening... Roses?

—Flowers. The beauty in them are undeniably alluring and calming. Just like you. Just like his heart as he felt your presence deep inside his soul. His mind refers back to when Kafka had forced him and S.W. along with Sam to start a "book club", which was really all of them reading her favorite books. One of them showed how happy and captivated the female lead was once the male lead brought her flowers. And they weren't roses, they were a curtain color that represented what he felt for her.

Pink. As he scrolled through his phone, he found that the color on flowers represented admiration, thanks, and affection. Those were all the things he felt for you. All the things he wanted to keep feeling, for you and you only. But would you accept him? He had to approach you eventually if he wanted anything with you, but he couldn't.

He knew he would scare her off if he suddenly came to her, proclaiming he was bedeviled by her and craved her presence. He knew he would have to plan this carefully, and he knew he had to wait.

He pulled out the chair at his desk and took a seat, opening the drawer to pull out paper, a pen, a seal, and an envelope. He didn't know how long he was sitting there for, considering that he was quite literally in space so outside looked the same, but he didn't care. He couldn't give up on you. You made him feel a comforting warmth he knew he'd never get anywhere else. When he had finished, he looked over it with a soft, satisfied gaze. He was surprised with himself, honestly.

To you, wonderfully graceful dancer,

As I watched you move, it seemed as if time itself stood still. Your graceful, flowing movements, the way you seem to float on the stage, it all captivated me. I felt as if I was under a spell, and you were the magician, casting your spell with your every move. I have never been so entranced by anyone before, and I fear I will never see your like again.

I find myself unable to stop thinking about you, your every step, every move, etched into my memory. Sometimes I catch myself humming the tune of the music you danced to, and I cannot help but smile, thinking of you.

For I am a sinner, but aren't we all? That's what makes us human, no? We can't be perfect. But when I look at you I think otherwise. Nothing about you could ever be unnerving.

I don't believe I could ever convey in words the depth of my feelings for you, but I hope this letter will convey some measure of it. You have absolutely consumed my thoughts, and I know that I am at your mercy. I am at your mercy, and I am yours, body and soul, should you choose to have me.

Yours always and forever,

B.

He knew he couldn't let go, either. It's impossible to not think of you without feeling the uncomfortable emptiness inside his heart. He couldn't let anyone else hurt you either. Aeons forbid someone put their hands on you and walk away with no consequences the first time...

Surprisingly, he used his phone as he shipped the letter to a bouquet delivering business that would send you over 200 pink roses along with the letter to your theater on that planet.

Yes, 200+ pink roses, yes the money came from his own allowance he rarely uses, and yes, he was satisfied. He got some curious looks from Elio the next day, Blade assumed he noticed the purchase from his account, not that he cared. Though now he had to wait.

He'll keep sending roses(a lot less but more that 7 at a time), he'll keep writing letters, all until your ready to see him. He'll try not to miss a show, if he has to he'll write so in the letters and send you extra roses along with some chocolate.(He hopes you're not allergic)

He'll wait until you give him a sign. A sign you're ready to see him, a sign you'll accept him for who he is. But he noticed how you were more expressive on stage after his first letter. So he knows it'll be soon. It's all you to you.

AAAAAJSJDKSNCKS. PART ONE IS DONE 🗣️🗣️. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR THE VOTE AND JING YUAN IS WINNING BUT WTVR I COULDN'T WAIT OKAY? BE GRATEFUL 😤.(/j)

JING YUAN WILL BE DONE BY THE END OF THE POLL IF HE WINS THOUGH, SO DON'T WORRY~💋

HOPE YOU LOVED IT! 🫶❤️

[journalgirl]

The Joy of Running Out

Let’s pick up like old friends…

I’m not sure these days how many people read blogs, so I’ll write for myself and let you read. 😉

My art and materials have changed since we last spoke. I’ve shifted to coloring my own drawings, and messy collage work in my art journals. The imagery and details have deeper meaning — I referenced one in my last therapy appointment to the delight of my therapist.

When I started creating art, it was a struggle to translate my emotions from words — which was my primary way of expressing myself — to images. When you pick up art later in life, after college, there’s a learning curve. Composition. Color. Line. Medium. Substrate. I feel my early days was me throwing whatever made me smile at the page and seeing what stuck. Then manipulated to try and tell a narrative.

I rarely use paint, unless it’s in the form of a marker. I collage with a glue stick. Whatever I use most is within reach of my giant chair in the living room, where I do 80% of my art. And for a girl who rejected many coloring books because the tiny details made my hands ache…it appears that doesn’t apply when I am the one doing the drawing!

What’s different is me.

While we all long for the inspiration that propels us to create every day, I often struggled doing so. I was ill and exhausted and wished I could do more, create and experiment, like my friends. I did my best, said, “Good enough,” a lot.

I’m living in a new state — my third! — in my own comfortable apartment filled to the rafters with art supplies. I encourage you to find a closet or cabinet that holds anything else (ok the kitchen is just the bulbs for my studio lights, but it’s the safest space). You won’t find one. There’s less stress and more self-care. I work a wonderful day job I love, but also continue to struggle with mental and physical health issues.

I say this because, about a year ago, something amazing happened: I started working at least 2 hours a day on art. It started with coloring the work of other artists, then drawing florals, collage, and now I live in the world of mandalas and the mix of supplies that continue to inspire me.

(I’m actually taking a break from my current one; I’m in hour 7.)

As you can figure by the tumbleweeds gathered in the corners of this blog, I didn’t share much on social media. I don’t spend nearly as much time on my phone, and when I post, I’m in the frame of mind that I’m sharing with my friends. There are rarely hashtags, the posts are inconsistant, and doesn’t see much engagement past my Facebook friends. It wasn’t very important, running to share something the moment I put pencil to paper; I fell into this pitfall a few times in my life, and it always ruined and disrupted my inspiration.

Now? Now I make stuff, and if people like it, awesome! I actually taught my first class in 10 years to a small group of friends and delighted more in the kind words from friends who shared my post. Because my students were friends, I didn’t feel pressure to have everything set up perfectly. I no longer have a DSLR to film with, and my laptop is a modified MacBook Pro from 2009. I loved teaching live, as I could get feedback from my students, as well as answer their questions, in real time.

(I’m working on a ‘sequel’ right now, as I ran out of time to share everything!)

The joy? Using much loved supplies to the point they need replacing because of how much you use them. Being able to info dump at friends all I’ve learned from wearing out even the expensive stuff.

Sometimes, you need to run out of what was so there’s room for what can come. But the only way you get there is to just run free with radical acceptance, use the pretty things, and allow something you never expected to take root and grow.

I’ll see you next week, friends.

💜 Kira

(Yes, I am changing my legal name!)

[katemagic]

You don't have to answer this, it's not really a question but more of a message for you and I chose here because I didn't want to feel constrained by twitter's character limits.

Your socmed au's that you post on twitter are some of my favourite things ever. You're a master at the art form, conveying so much information and a full, rich story through what is essentially an artificially limiting medium (compared to 3rd pov fic for example). I'm always amazed at how you find ways to enrich the story with all the various chats and posts and so many little carefully chosen details. Also, your characters are just so spot on, sometimes I wonder if you're actually Changbin or Seungmin or maybe one of the manager hyungs or noonas.

I want to promise you that I am never actively waiting for an update, sitting around drumming my fingers, wondering why distantbluesky hasn't posted recently. That has literally never happened. Rather, every time you post an update it is like a delightful and unexpected surprise that absolutely makes my day. A little package of joy specially made for me, a gift that you have given me freely out of your love for the kids and this community.

It is not hard for me to keep up, even when there are sometimes days between posts. It's easy for me to skim the last tweet and then I'm immediately back in the story, ready and excited for the new update.

I feel like you give me so much with all of your stories and esp these socmed ones, which I can only imagine how much time it takes to make all these screenshots with the right timestamps and all the photoshopping and and and... I wish I could give you in return the peace of mind that there is no pressure to post on any kind of schedule and we will all be here, happy and excited, whenever life gives you the time to be able to post. (I also hope you'll mute any users that request updates or pressure you to post - I've seen that in some of the comments but I think it's really only one or two people and I wish I could mute them for you, I think they are very young and don't understand that what they're saying isn't a compliment).

Lots of love

oh my god <333333 I read this message and immediately screenshotted it to save forever because I know on rainy days reading this will be such a mood boost. yesterday was a hard day, and reading this message truly made it so much better. thank you so much for taking the time to send something so thoughtful and kind.

this both is extremely reassuring and just such an extremely kind thing to say. I am genuinely so glad to hear that you're able to jump right back into the story despite delays, that it isn't hard to follow, that my posting schedule hasn't detracted from the story. that was something I was extremely worried about, and I am genuinely incredibly reassured to hear that that's not the case for you. obviously since I'm the one writing it, it's really easy for me to remember everything that happened and follow the narrative journeys, but I worried that this wouldn't be the case for everyone reading it, so this is genuinely a huge relief. I'm so glad.

I also thank you for pointing out the extensive amount of work this takes!!! I've gotten the hang of it, but truly the ratio of "time it takes to write a social media au post" versus "time it takes to read a social media au post" is devastating alkajsdf;laskdjf;lasdjkl it's just.... it is a labor of love for sure and I've gotten the hang of it and am having a great time, but it is a lot of work. and you noticing the specific details I put into it really means a lot. deciding on timestamps, thinking about photo choice, making subtle callbacks and running jokes does take a lot of thought and consideration, as does, of course, the main challenge of a social media au: how to tell a compelling emotional narrative while getting no direct line of sight into the character's heads and also not being able to show SO much on screen. it's a really challenging thing, and I'm genuinely very proud at how I've tackled it!!

writing these aus has been such a good thing for me- I have never harbored any illusions that my prose fics are that impressive (I promise this isn't fishing- just awareness of my own limits as a writer) because there are a lot of things about prose stories that are tough for me based on some of my limits as a writer. social media aus are a great medium for me, though, because they remove the things I find extremely tough about prose fics (DESCRIPTION mainly a;ldjfalksd) and what's left is the stuff I feel pretty confident in- dialogue, humor, emotional beats, that kind of thing. I think I've found a good niche. I want to return to prose fics at some point and definitely have plans to, but aus like this really work well for me and bring me a lot of joy to create.

but seriously, thank you. as you said I don't really get a ton of comments telling me to update, so I can ignore them pretty easily, but I do tend to feel guilty when I don't post on a regular schedule (even though the reasons for it have been because of work OT and dealing with a very challenging personal situation and are completely understandable- though obviously even if the reason was 'eh not feeling it' that would be valid too!!) and worry about people losing interest. I'd keep the story going until the end even if no one was reading it, don't get me wrong, but it is really nice that so many of you have stuck around and are as invested in this story as me :')

okay this is SO long but you seriously made my day with this, truly. thank you so much for messaging me this, it means the world. I'm very excited to spend the rest of the weekend writing, because getting lost in this story is so lovely, and I'm just so glad that you're having as good of a time as me :') I truly appreciate this more than I can say, you are so lovely, thank you so much.

[joy-haver]

✨I get better at handling my disability every day✨

And that’s not because of doctors, or physical therapy, or yoga, or some fad diet, or essential oils, or whatever. It’s because I learn from everything I do, I do everything I can, I take breaks, and I do things that I value.

{this is not a guide. You can learn from it, but it not meant to be instructional! Still, there are useful insights that you might could incorporate, if you think on how they’d apply in your own life. But don’t take what I do and expect it to work perfectly for you. This can be a starting place, but it is not an end point.}

🔶 I learn from everything I do.

➕Every time I get hurt doing something, I treat it like a blessed piece of information. I now know more about my body and how to move it in less harmful ways.

➕Every time something goes wrong, I ask for advice from others with similar experiences, and I read every journal article about it that I can get my hands on.

➕Every time I do something that helps me feel better or brings me joy, I take note of it and experiment with it over time, till I find the most effective ways to utilize it in different scenarios.

🔷 I do everything I can while still working within my limits.

➕spending time cooking saves us money, but it’s also one of the most intensive activities i can do without tending to get very injured. Which means I’m moving my body, and also familiarizing I myself with how it works. This creates many opportunities for learning! And I get to have far more variable and nutritious meals, which helps honestly everything.

➕I cycle thru activities that use different types of spoons. For example, I might do a high intensity standing activity for a bit, and then switch to a medium intensity vocal activity, then a medium intensity hand & thinking activity, then a low intensity art activity.

This helps a lot. Overtime, I’ve had to realize that every thing I do causes injury and pain. And the more I utilize the same motions or joints at the same intensity (even at low intensity), the more injured I get. But I still have to, and *want to*, do things. So, I utilize my adhd urge to switch tasks frequently, and I’ve turned that into a protective measure! I still do hyper focus. But when I do, it’s less damaging because I’ve done so much harm reduction work outside of it!

➕when I do overextend myself, I learn from it.

♦️I take breaks.

But, importantly, my breaks are never just laying down and staring at the ceiling. That’s something I’m forced to do when I get too injured, and I don’t want to be tired of it when that happens.

So instead, I take other types of breaks. This isn’t a complete list by any means, but it gives a better idea of how I conceptualize breaks.

➡️sensory breaks — I do both low sensory and high sensory breaks.

~Low sensory breaks~ can be as simple as putting on noise canceling headphones, putting on a slideshow of black and white photos, and having low, even lighting in the room, and a squishmallow on my chest

~High sensory breaks~ can be listening to a grating song with a very active music video, while taking sharp and fast breaths a couple times a minute, and drinking alcohol or a warm drink, and letting my brain spin on something I have a lot of conflicting feelings about.

➡️artistic breaks — these are the types of breaks where I focus on creating things for my own enjoyment. I spend most of my time acting in service of others or for a higher purpose. This is taking a break from that to do something specifically for me.

~inaccessible art~ I spend much of my time very focused on making things accessible and shareable, so sometimes I make purposely inaccessible art that only I can understand. This lets me reaffirm my own personhood.

~poetry~ a lot of the most important work I do involves detailed and nuanced long form writing. Poetry allows me to push back on this by writing in a way that trusts the reader to interpret. The nuance is in the implications and the word play, not in 5 paragraph digressions.

~music~ as someone without much agency, I often feel the need to be heard. Playing music makes me feel unignorable and creative. It’s very hard on my joints, but it’s a release i can’t receive elsewhere.

➡️calm/silly breaks — I spend all of my life thinking everything through, weighing the ethics of every decision, thinking of ramifications, incorporating everything I learn into my world view, checking my ideas against each other. Sometimes I just wanna look at sheep, or pretend my squishmallow is a baby, or be incredibly silly all day.

🔳 I use my ability & energy on things that are in line with my values

➕when I do get injured, it often feels worthwhile. This is because I usually know the risks of injury pretty well. But more importantly, because I don’t spend my time on things that I don’t see as valuable unless I absolutely have to. Even with tasks I don’t enjoy, I do them because I know it’ll help me, or my household, or my community, or the world, or whatever. So if I get injured in service to that, I tend to view it as worthwhile.

➕i acknowledge that there is important work to be done that is grueling, slow, and not very rewarding. I know I have to do the work. But I make sure my life isn’t *just* that sort of work. There are some things I do that I know do a ton of good for very little energy. That allows me to keep going with the work that is more of a slow burn.

➕I don’t work for works sake. I don’t work ‘hard’ unless ‘hard’ is the only way to do the work. I work efficiently. And I don’t do work that others could do much easier unless I have to. I don’t value work, I work towards my values.

✨alrighty, that’s all for now! I might make a part 2 if this gets traction, but I don’t wanna burn myself out on something if I don’t know that people will read it✨

[blackgirl-galactica]

"LET'S SEE WITH THE ASCENDANT" PART 1!

NOTE: WHILE I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL ASTROLOGER, I LOVE ASTROLOGY AND ITS ASPECTS AND I LOVE TO LEARN THEM! PLEASE DO NOT STEAL OR REWORD MY WORK WITHOUT CREDIT! THANK YOU :)

Hey y'all!

- I am finally settled and I am ready to give you some more astro knowledge to keep in the books!! Today we will be talking about the Ascendant (ASC for short) through the first 6 signs!! Part 2 will come out tomorrow!

- But first, what is an ASC sign?

-I'm glad you asked honey! First things first, your Ascendant is an angular house! Angular houses are the Ascendant, Descendant, IC (Imum Coeli), and MC (Medium Coeli). I'll do a post on what angular houses mean later on! Or do feel free to research on your own time :)

-Your ASC sign is what's popularly known as the sign (or sign traits) you may give off as a first impression to the outside world. According to the book, The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need by Joanna Woolfolk, she asserts that our personality is a blend of our Sun Sign in combination with our ASC sign. This has some truth in it as our ASC can also represent our self-interests, how we process self-awareness, our goals, our objectives, & how we assert our self-sufficiency! Think of your ASC sign as the sign when you walk in a room full of people.

- You can find your ASC here! Below is my chart( credit from Astro.com) for my visual learners! The ASC will be on the left side of your chart (marked AC); usually your angular houses are marked! In this example, my ASC is in the sign of Sagittarius!

-Have you ever had someone guess your sun sign but they were wrong? Chances are, they probably are guessing your ASC sign!

-With that being said, let's get into it!!!!

ARIES ASC:

Adventurous and pioneering!

Typically the ones to be "the first" at something.

Likes to get shit done! Act first ask questions later kind of energy.

Leader of the pack vibes.

Possibly have a very muscular, strong body.

When they walk in the room, they give such a strong sense of power, strength, and exuberance!

Possibly can be red-headed. Aries rules the color red and also rules the head. Doesn't mean every red-head is an Aries ASC though. Or they may like to wear alot of red.

They can give a direct, kinda bossy attitude but also a very free-child-like attitude I love it!!

Be careful with sharp objects. Sharp objects like knives are ruled by Mars (Mars rules Aries) and you may be a bit more accident prone so be careful, according to Woolfolk.

TAURUS ASC:

Very stable and calm energy when they walk in the room.

Patient & steadfast people.

Love the arts, could be talented at composing music esp!

Love comfort and the comfort their materials bring them.

Can have super beautiful necks. Necks/throats are ruled by Taurus.

Also, they may have larger, rounder eyes ooooo so cute!! Almost like a doe.

Can accumulate wealth over time.

Loves security and things that make them feel safe.

Many people think they are lazy, but that is not the case. A Taurus ASC does not believe in wasting time on things that don't bring them joy or comfort. They are hardworking, if it means they can attain the goals they set out for!! Once again, THEY ARE NOT LAZY!

GEMINI ASC:

Witty & charming.

Extremely smart and sociable.

Also can thrive in the entertainment industry as actors, writers, TV hosts, or comedians. They can really captivate an audience with their social and witty behavior!

Gemini rules the arms & hands, so they can have really nice hands/arms. If Venus is in aspect to their ASC, this can possibly point to someone who is a hand model.

The type to always want to be constantly stimulated and learn something everyday so they don't get bored.

May like to travel alot or move alot.

They also can marry more than once in their lives.

Extremely intellectual communicators. Very good with using their words as their best assets!

Could have big, wide eyes. This is just a personal take as I have seen multiple Gemini risings with big, wide eyes.

CANCER ASC:

Love security & comfort.

May have a oval face or round face. The moon rules Cancer so I won't be surprised if your face is shaped as round as the moon.

Sensitive to other's emotions & intuitive on how people may feel or react.

Amazing creatives. They use their emotions to make the best projects. Some of their projects (story writing for example) can be based on their lives at home or their hometown.

On the outside they may come off reserved and even cold. This is the "hard on the outside soft on the inside" effect. Deep down they are very soft, sweet, giving, & sensitive.

They want public recognition for their efforts, as you should!!!

According to Woolfolk, they are very good with saving money and handling it as well. Being the opposite sign of Capricorn (the sign of conservation), I am not surprised since opposing signs do share qualities of each other in one way or another.

LEO ASC:

Very grand people and luxurious YESSSS BITCH!!!

People may notice their hair first. Know how Leo is the lion? We see the lion's mane (or hair) first. This also applies for Leo ASCs.

A personal take- Leo ASC have this sun-kissed glow about them (lol pun intended). It's like their skin is so bright and glowy and it is so beautiful.

Give off a very happy and exuberant energy.

Extremely likeable people.

Views life as a stage!

Prides themselves on being a leader and delegator.

Can easily find fame or people will scout them out easily.

Also can be surrounded by alot of influential people. This helps their image if they want to be famous one day. Get to networking!!!

Can have a very nice back. Leo also rules the back.

VIRGO ASC:

Another personal take: why do so many Virgo ASC or Virgo placements have to wear glasses? That's interesting.

May have a frail looking body, but that does not mean they are sick yall.

Looks at life through a filter. Meaning, they like to hold on to valuable information that they can actually use and apply in their life.

^Yet, this can also mean that they may become too dependent on details to make decision. Don't forget to look at the bigger picture.

They love order and reason.

Thrive in intellectual pursuits. Especially if they are scientific and not philosophical.

Likes to gain rewards from their own efforts and not due to what others think. They love to listen and be assured in their own reasoning as YOU SHOULD!!!

May forget to take others' opinions into consideration.

Could come off shy and distant.

May own property in their later lives? Idk but Woolfolk mentions this and if anyone can chime in here I would be happy to hear it!

-That's it for PART 1! Part 2 will be out tomorrow!

-Also, to show your appreciation, do feel free to tip me! I have so much more content I want to teach and tell yall and I'm excited! You can tip me at my cashapp: $DellyRelly if you appreciate my content in more ways than just following me! Anywho, see yall tomorrow!

-Claude

[doubledgesword-2]

So someone stole my work, thought it was a good idea to impersonate me and claimed it was their own. So I’m posting it here so people know I’m the original author. Art is not mine. Part 1 Soulmate au! Please do not te upload somewhere else!!

WARNING NON-CON AND EXPLICIT SMUT

It was weird but not unheard of to have three soulmates. Lots of people reassured you it just meant more love for you. You, on the other hand, didn't felt it. Reading the names on both your wrists and the one on the top right corner of your back, just gave you chills. Not the good kind.

After doing some research on the names and better yet the last names of the three, you concluded that nothing good was going to come from this. You weren't a hunter, neither were you powerful. One could almost say you were average or normal when it came to brute strength.

So you did what any sane person would do. You disappeared. With some expert help and a lot of money involved, you erased yourself from the records, not leaving so much as a hair behind. It wasn't ideal, but you didn't want to spend the rest of your life running from a new enemy every week. Besides, if the three hadn't bothered to look for you, you figured you'd do them a favor, as angsty as it sounds.

Rural life wasn't bad. Leaving the big crowded cities and trading them for the quiet of the forest; it did you some good. You had a little cottage in the woods. Very far from anything and anyone. In the beginning, it was scary. What if something were to happened to you? Who would you run to? But as time went by, your experiences gave you the wisdom you needed.

So here you were gathering some water, inside a wooden bucket, from the nearby river. You pressed the bucket to your hip, leaning over to support the weight as your other hand had a bunch of pretty flowers. A nice touch for the kitchen today.

The forest was quiet today, peaceful with some little bird songs and the stream's running water. You walked amongst the trees happily, breathing in the cold air. Although the sun was beaming right on you, it didn't make you feel hot. The cold weather of the approaching winter contrasted the heat nicely inside your sweater.

Still, you kept walking blissfully, unaware of the stares focused on you. You did felt the paranoia hit you in the back, but this forest was vast, and in the time you'd lived here, no one has come across your little cottage.

Said cottage was in view as you walked. The sun setting meant you were on time to snug inside the house and turn on the chimney. Sure the smoke would be an indication that someone was there. But who would be looking for you? You had no family; cutting ties with your friends was easy since the relationships were shallow, and quitting the job felt like relief. You walked by your little garden, which was your pride and hobby, plus the only thing giving the house feel personality. The cottage wasn't like any standard wooden house. You asked it to be made and even pitched in with the workers to put some sweat into it. Afterward, all plans were equally erased like you. The house worked on solar panels, giving you the luxury of some electricity, which came in handy for the winter. A small chicken coop on the side gave you eggs and helped with the crops. It had the piping and whatnot, but overall everything was very eco friendly as you had insisted. You liked the place, and it seemed like a beautiful house to live the rest of your days without a worry. Sure it did get lonely during those sleepless nights. The ones were you thought too much about why your soulmates never cared to find you and reject you straight out. You didn't felt like dying by their hand. You weren't a fool; you knew their reputation, but something inside you gave you some light to hope. The light that you ended up squashing just because. The four of you were better off without each other. You really didn't want to be involved in their jobs and amusements.

You went inside, placing the bucket outside the front of the house and closing the heavy wooden door behind you locking it in the process. Inside the kitchen, you replaced the dying flowers with the new batch and quickly watched your hands to cook some dinner. You lighted the chimney in the living room, making the house feel warm and snuggly while putting some music on. You had taken off your shoes at the door and were parading around the house in fluffy socks, which made you slide into the kitchen as you danced like no one was watching.

As you stirred the pot and dropped more spices and ingredients into it, you heard a light tapping against the window at the kitchen side. Being in the forest had made you immune to the peculiar noises and the groans of the house when it was cold outside. You were pretty much anti-jump scare, but you were still new, so it was a work in progress.

You cleaned your hands on your apron and made your way to the window. You wanted isolation, but you weren’t completely crazy to be all alone in the woods. That’s why you made a friend.

“Well, hello there, big guy! How was your day today?” You opened the window, letting in the medium-sized fluffy black cat and closing it after he was inside.

You received a mewl as the cat rubbed himself against your legs and jumped on the turned dining chair. The kitchen and the dining room were fused, so you were sitting and reading while keeping an eye on dinner.

“Wow, taking my place? You’re rich, you know that?” The cat almost seems to shrug, giving you another mewl and licking his paws.

You smiled, shaking your head and focusing on dinner.

After everything was done, you washed the dishes and cleaned the surfaces. Just because you had a cat didn’t mean you wanted to give the mice a reason to come in. You rubbed the back of your neck, squeezing the spot as you walked towards your bathroom to wash up. The ball of black fluff eagerly following behind you to enter your room.

“You just want to get on my bed, don’t you? Here I was thinking you wanted to accompany me,” the cat meowed, jumping on the bed and kneading the folded blankets.

You chuckled, lighting the small fireplace inside the room. You turned to your vanity, picking your night clothes and turning to bathe. The warm water did help you relax more, maybe you shouldn’t carry the bucket with one arm. But the flowers you picked were worth it.

You came into the room towel in your hair and dressed in a robe. Only to stop abruptly, eyes widening at the fact that a man was sitting on your bed petting your cat like it was the most normal thing. He didn’t turn to look at you, and you quietly walked back, towel still in hand, but not far. You bumped into a hard chest, and if you hadn’t turned around to look, you would’ve thought it was the bedroom door. You gasped really scared at the fact that there were two men inside your bedroom, and you hadn’t even heard them come in. The man in front of you grinned joyfully and took a step towards you. Your eyes immediately went to the window in your room, and before you knew it, your feet had carried you there.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” the cliche rolled off one of their tongues, making you annoyed and irked despite the adrenaline rush.

You turned glaring, and that’s when spotted the third man on the other of the room leaning against your vanity with a book in hand. This was bad. Really bad. It had been a short couple of years, but you could see the resemblance. They had found you.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, you’re quite hard to find” the man with the slicked-back hair closed the book looking at you with cold black eyes and the ghost of a smile. One, you didn’t return.

As he spoke the tall and pale, magenta hair one took two steps toward you placing his hand on his waist. You took a step back, eyeing him warily. You didn’t smile or showed any joy at the fact that your soulmates had actually found you. You didn’t felt the overflowing love people used to say you would for having more than one soul mark. Instead, all you felt was cold and afraid for your life, fear running icily in your veins. Despite having a nen ability, you knew little of it ,and you could feel the aura they were letting off. It didn’t reassure you. On the contrary, it made you feel like cornered prey.

“What do you want?” Your voice could be considered an authoritative whisper as it flowed shakily pass your lips.

There was a moment of silence, and then the one dressed as a clown laughed merrily at your question. You could see amusement slip through the cold expression from the man that had spoken before.

“Danchou, I thought she would be smart,” the clown asked, looking to the man to you.

Your eyes hardened, annoyed, but still, you said nothing. The only person who hasn’t spoken was the long black hair one petting your cat—that fluffy traitor.

“Well, maybe she doesn’t recognize us. That gives us the chance to introduce ourselves. My name’s Chrollo Lucilfer.”

“Hiso-“

“I know who you are, who all of you are,” you interrupted, looking at all three of them, making the clown arch a brow in interest. “That doesn’t answer what you’re doing here or what do you want” you were angry and scared, nervously looking into their eyes.

“My dear darling, well, that’s easily answered. We’re here to take you home, make you happy, and all the in-betweens,” the clown expressed, giving you a playful feeling. He was waiting for you to make a move so he could jump at you. They all were.

“Thank you, but I am home. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to sleep, so if you could just leave?” You have them a sardonic smile hoping against hope they would accept the rejection and actually leave. It was a fool's wish.

“But soulmates are supposed to be together,” the man with long black hair finally spoke. His voice monotone and calm. It made your skin crawl. Oh, hell, no.

He finally turned to look at you, his big black eyes almost swirling and enchanting, a manipulator at its finest. You looked to the side, avoiding him.

“Then I could only assume that you three have found your soulmates. You’re together.”

“But it gets oh so lonely without you, little fruit” Hisoka was done playing from afar and slowly walked closer to you.

This made your bloodlust flare in a warning. They all got goosebumps just looking at it, feeling the sheer intention. It wasn’t as developed as theirs, but the fact that you weren’t afraid to push them away made their paints tight.

Hisoka let out a low groan, eyes half-lidded and looking at you with a perverted smile. You looked at your cat; you could get him later, and they were smart enough to survive. Then the towel in your hand and as Hisoka came to stand closer to you, you gripped the towel hard and threw it at him, covering his face for a brief moment that allowed you to pass him. They knew you weren’t a fighter, heck you had run from them in fear. It made you a smart coward in their eyes, but they weren’t expecting you to be so quick-witted and resourceful. They should have with you living in the middle of the forest and all. You slipped into the short hallway, feeling the breeze of something spearing near your face but missing you. It made you run even faster into the living room. What you weren’t expecting was the sudden failure of your body.

The minute you slipped into the hallway, Illumi had launched several needles your way. Even though some missed their mark, one hitting you square in the back was enough. You crumbled to the floor, clutching the small sofa and leaning on it as if you were crying. You might as well be—the intense pain coming from the center of your spine emitting pulse-like electricity. The stinging sensation made a couple of fears fall down. It left you breathless.

The trio calmly made their way into the living room, looking at your slumped form.

“Soulmates are meant to be together, with time you’ll understand. Staying with us is best for you.” Illumi was crouching near your form, grabbing your arms and pulling you to lean on him instead as he petted your hair for comfort. You tried to move away or do something to get out of his cold embrace, but each attempt was met with more pain. You whimpered.

“That was a rush. It makes me wonder...~” Hisoka groaned obscenely behind Illumi, talking to Chrollo.

“She does have spirit. That could prove to be a problem.”

“Oh~ but I don’t want to break her yet. Nice toys are so hard to come by these days.”

Your sniffles cut through their banter. Your form was trembling on Illumi’s lap as he kept petting your hair.

“Don’t move” Illumi’s hand slipped to your back, and you felt the sting of the needle being plucked. Your body relaxed, letting out a sigh and breathing greedily, but still shaking. The phantom pain made you involuntarily cling to Illumi’s arms for comfort, which made the assassin’s heart flutter. It was proof that you needed them, they just had to show you.

“We should show her how much she needs us” Illumi slightly turned to look at the other two, still holding you to his chest. His face expressionless as he spoke, but the excitement in his eyes can’t be denied.

Hisoka’s eyes gleamed, his tongue coming out to slowly lick his lips as he approached Illumi and crouched down close to the two of you.

“Hmmm, splendid idea, we have to show our little flower what she’s been missing all this time” Hisoka took a strand of your hair, twirling it and pulling slightly.

“Then it’s decided,” Chrollo’s voice felt like the judge giving the verdict to seal your fate away.

Hisoka didn’t wait for Illumi, he simply took you from his arms, bridal style and clutched you tightly to his chest. As if you were some long lost heirloom, he just found and couldn’t part with. You struggled a bit, jerking in his grasp, but the recent pain had left your muscles tender and sore.

Fighting was encouraged by them but had been diminished with their antics.

The way to your room felt like a death row walk, and you couldn’t help but keep wiggling pathetically in Hisoka’s strong arms. He looked down at you, his yellow half-lidded eyes were already a telltale of what’s to come. He bit his lips when you gave him your best wide doe eyes, and you swore he sped walk, feeling the vibration of a suppressed moan deep in his chest.

He brought you down on the bed, tenderly like a lover would on their first time. Your tired body succumbed to the comfort of the mattress and the warmth of the sheets. Hisoka lowered himself, pressing his body to yours and letting you feel his arousal hot in his trousers. Alarmed, you tried once more to move, but he brought his face close to your ear.

“Don’t worry, little one, we’ll be gentle….at least this time.” He bit your earlobe, kissing the spot to soothe the sting “Mmmm, but do forgive me if I just can’t help it~” he moaned slowly, grinding his hips into yours dragging the length up and down your thighs.

You whimpered and brought your hands up to his chest, pushing him as best as you could. He grinned and sat up, still hunched over you. Looking deep into your eyes, he took his shirt off, never cutting off the eye contact. Hisoka then took your hands, trying to push off his thighs and placed them on his chiseled chest, dragging them to touch him. He moaned obscenely, and you couldn’t help but blush at his well-built frame. Your hands felt the muscles contract and relax as your fingers, guided by him, gingerly touched every single spot. Hisoka bit his lower lip, looking down at you. You haven’t even noticed he had let go of your hands, and you were freely roaming, touching so softly his chest, his stomach...it made it all the more difficult to not take you right here.

He didn’t want to scare you; after all, this was the beginning of countless nights and days of pleasure to come. Your red nose, puffy eyes, and pouty lips made him hot. As your fingers grazed his nipple ever so softly, he bursted, throwing his head back and to moan loudly. You retracted your hand alarmed, and that’s when you noticed you had been almost lying down on top of Chrollo’s lap. The man’s fingers were tangled in your locks as he massages your head.

“Hisoka, you’re going to scare her away being so loud,” Illumi said from behind Hisoka. His face on leaning over his shoulder and his hands grabbing his hips. Hisoka’s hand came up to caress Illumi’s cheek, and he once more looked down at you through glazed and sensual eyes.

“Mmm, I just can’t help it. She’s so innocent...those eyes...It turns me on~” his hips jerked up quickly, grinding against you.

“Make her feel good first,” Illumi whispered in Hisoka’s ear, making eye contact with you, as he kissed the clown’s neck.

Hisoka crawled back, his hands softly running down your thighs. Chrollo unmade the knot holding your robe closed, and uncovered your body to them. You gasped, remembering you had just showered and had nothing but your dignity. The sight of your skin glowing under the dim moonlight coming from the window mixed with the reds and oranges from the crackling fire made their mouths water. Your squirming was pitiful at best, hands trying to grab the robe and close it, but Chrollo snatched your wrists pinning them down beside your head. He lowered his face closer to you and dive into your lips. His locks coming to the sides of his face and his soft lips molding against yours. For a moment, you forgot who these men were. Their sweet caresses here and there as Hisoka brought his face to nuzzle your stomach leaving kisses and marks wherever his lips touch. Chrollo took your alarmed gasp as an opportunity letting his tongue inside to explore. He groaned when you trying to escape him, lightly bumped into his arousal. He let your lips go, both of you breathing heavily.

He wanted more. "You are the greatest jewel I have ever stolen" he muttered his minty breath fanning over your abused lips.

Hisoka lowered all the way in between your legs, but you self-consciously closed them from him. He pouted like a kid who had seen his new toy but couldn't have it. Illumi pried them open, putting everything on display. Hisoka chuckled darkly, his hands rubbed your thighs and knees, and then they rested on the bed. Seeing your chance, you attempted to close them once more, but couldn’t. Looking up, you saw Hisoka smirking at you with a dark knowing look. He did it and now you could see the pink substance sticking your legs open to the bed.

“Bungee gum, love, has the capabilities of both gum and rubber.” His face came closer to your core, you could feel his excited breath, and it gave you goosebumps. He moaned bitting and kissing the inside of your thighs “I can’t wait to see your beautiful nen. The thought makes my pants so tight~” he licked his lips and dived into your entrance.

You moaned a bit overwhelmed at the sensation of his tongue, sucking and exploring inside without a care. The slurping sounds made you blush even harder. Still, you couldn’t deny the arousal building up, or the knot in your stomach tightening even more. At the same time, Chrollo and Illumi took it upon themselves to suck on your chest. Their teeth grazed your nipples, with the danger of biting down, and your back arched perfectly, allowing them more access to your perked nipples.

The pleasure was overriding all the red flags and alarms going off in your head, not too long ago. It was making you pliant, your heated body melting into their touches. You bucked your hips into Hisoka, and his hands came to rest on your hips, making you whine. He smiled, his tongue licking a slow and torturous strip up your slit ending on your clit. He latched on to your bud, eliciting a whine, brows furrowing at the electric feeling surging through your body.

Then something snapped inside you; you shut your eyes, letting out a loud moan, your body shaking as pleasure rolled all over your body. Faintly you heard Hisoka moaned equally loud, slurping all your liquids like he was starved. While still in your high, you didn’t notice Hisoka take off the rest of his clothes, his arousal standing proud. He crawled back on you, taking your knees and lodging himself between them.

Chrollo caressed your cheek, petting your hair. He lowered to give your forehead a tender kiss. “It’ll only hurt for a moment, (Y/N)”

Your eyes widened when you felt Hisoka’s length prodding at your entrance.

“W-wait,” you slurred, but he entered you gently, moaning at the warmth and slick coating him, beckoning him further into your depths.

You cried out as he went further inside until he was buried to the hilt. He keened in satisfaction, waiting a bit, and soaking up your walls’ sensation spasming around him.

“You’re so tight…so warm, mmm, it feels sooo good~” his hips started to slowly move.

Illumi, went behind Hisoka, kissing his neck and leaving marks all over. Meanwhile, Chrollo couldn’t have enough of your chest. Sucking and biting all he could, hands grabbing both your mounds and squeezing, decorating your skin in purples and reds. You mewled at all the sensations, eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

“Make her cum” Illumi whispered to Hisoka loud enough for you to hear. Hisoka grabbed your hips, speeding up, leaving you breathless, hips bucking, and meeting his thrusts.

“Mmmm, (Y/N)…I love that look in your eyes~” he moans thrusting even faster, your slick making it easier for him to slip in and out. Illumi went down where the two of you met and started to suck on your clit. You went crazy, the pleasure too much to contain it. “Arghh, she’s getting tighter…I can’t…” Hisoka moaned, burying himself deeper. One of his hands gripped your hip hard, surely to bruise, while the other held back Illumi’s hair as he sucked on you.

Suddenly the forming knot in your stomach tightened until hot white pleasure exploded through you. You squealed, liquids gushing around Hisoka, making his hips stutter, feeling your walls spams around him. He came, bursting inside you as your walls milked him for what his worth.

“Take it…Take it all~” Hisoka gasped, moaning breathlessly, his hips dragging out the orgasm.

Hisoka pulled out, making you mewl. The oversensitivity and tenderness were a bit too much. Through half-lidded eyes, you looked as Illumi took Hisoka’s spot, cleaning you up with his tongue. Chrollo stood and shed his coat on top of the vanity, his clothes joining the others on the floor. Illumi’s tongue swirled Hisoka’s cum and yours, lappin everything greedily, he then crawled on you kissing you roughly, making you taste the result of your joining. Your lips separated, leaving a strand of saliva connecting your mouths. With aggressive desperation he hugged you, pulling you flushed against his naked chest feeling how heated you'vemade him. Then you felt yourself being flipped over, Illumi under you.

Alarmed, you moved a bit, but Chrollo grabbed your hips, stilling you. He crawled over you, pulling your robe off of you and kissing your shoulder gently, his hands went softly down your spine giving you shivers. Illumi kissed and bit your neck, making you whimper as you felt his length prodding your entrance.

“It’ll be alright, just enjoy it,” He whispered, his monotone voice breathless as he guided himself into your slit. You mewled at the feeling, and he quietly gasped at your warmth.

Your eyes looked into his deathly ones, watching them swirl with different emotions. Yet, the main one being lust and adoration. His black hair fanning behind him gave him a mystical and beautiful look, he looked majestic, like some forest elf of sorts. You bit your lip holding back the moan. That’s when you felt a bite on your left butt cheek.

“Sorry, you look good enough to eat~” Hisoka drawled, and then you felt a finger prod your forbidden hole. You squealed, trying to writhe away, but it only made Illumi hiss in pleasure and grab your hips hard.

“Don’t tease me, (Y/N),” he groaned into your ear, biting down on your shoulder to muffle his moan, as your walls flustered around him.

“N-no, p-please. Not there,” you cried out, the feeling of his finger weird and alien to you.

“It’ll be alright, (Y/N)-Chan, we only want to make you feel good~.”

Hisoka was in front of you, lowering to your eye level, his yellow eyes lidded as he licked his lips and went in for a fevered kiss.

Illumi looking at the two of you kiss so wantonly, started moving his hips gently, biting his own lips at the display. Chrollo added another finger preparing you for him, the scissoring giving you chills. Yet, as Hisoka kissed you tasting himself in your tongue and lips, he distracted you from the prodding. He separated, panting heavily watching as some drool came down the corner of your lip.

He enjoyed your fucked out state.

Without warning, Chrollo entered the tip. It made your eyes widen to feel the burning sensation contrasting your skin with the coldness of fear. You gave a muffled screech, your walls closing on Illumi and making him unable to hold back the groan.

Chrollo slowly pushed inside until he was buried deep. He inhaled shakily, feeling you tighten around his intruding length. The feeling made him groan lowly.

Tears came rolling down your cheeks, you had never felt so full. In one night, the entirety of your virginity was lost.

Hisoka watched as the two men he liked the most, made sweet slow love to you, pulling adorable noises from your swollen and abused lips. He couldn’t help bit his own lip, looking at how they ruined you for the better. He loved the scene.

Chrollo dragged you away from Illumi. His face resting in the crook of your neck as Illumi’s hand grabbed your jiggling mounds, squeezing them and marveling at how they fit perfectly in his hands. You were made for them and only for them. Your body hasn’t known pleasure before, and you had clearly neglected yourself, you needed them as much as they craved you.

Hisoka came close to where you and Illumi met, his tongue coming out to lick his lips as his fingers came to rub on your hooded pearl, holding back the whine of pleasure. Everything was becoming too much. You convulsed a bit, the pleasure overwhelming you.

“She’s getting tighter,” Chrollo grunted, speeding his thrusts.

“Mmm, are you close, (Y/N)-Chan, hmm?” Hisoka got close to your face, his lips close to yours, teasing, “Are you going to cum on Illumi, like a good girl~? Milk them both for all they’re worth~?”

He kissed you, rubbing harder and faster, and you moaned into the kiss. He slipped his tongue in and sucked on yours, still tasting his arousal’s tanginess on you. That was the moment you became undone, your liquids squirting around Illumi. Both men thrust faster, almost competing with each other until Illumi came inside you, ropes of cum filling you up until he deemed it was enough.

Chrollo moaned lowly, biting your neck to muffle it as his cum shot into you, filling you on the other side.

Hisoka bit your lip and separated for air. Your eyes were almost closing, body shaking with the aftershocks of pleasure still rolling up and down your body. Chrollo pulled out, his cum dripping down the back of your thighs, making him lick his lips in satisfaction. Illumi pulled you abruptly towards him, making you land on his chest. Hisoka was surprised and annoyed that he couldn’t watch your tongue lolled out, and your lidded eyes look at him.

Illumi grab your face with both hands and brought you in for a passion-filled kiss. It was aggressive and possessive the way his lips pressed into yours until you both couldn’t breathe. He let you go, pulling out and laying you down on your side. Your body was tired, filled to the brim, marked, and pounded to their heart’s delight. Chrollo pulled a blanket over you as your eyes finally closed in exhaustion.

“Mmm, that was delightful. Our little fruit might not be as innocent as we thought~” Hisoka sat by you, caressing your cheek as you sleep.

“We should move her in the morning. She shouldn’t stay alone in the woods.” Illumi sat at the other side of the bed, calling out to the black fluff, making his way into the room.

“We shouldn’t forsake this place. It could be useful when we need a place to get away for some time” Chrollo put on his pants and dressed in his coat, leaving the shirt of out the equation as he leaned against the vanity.

“Mmm, vacations here with our darling pet should be divine~” Hisoka kissed you, making you snuggle cutely into your blanket. He warmly smiled at you. “Danchou, let’s keep her here. She doesn’t exist in the world, and our line of work is not the safest. She’s still hasn’t shown us her nen, but I’m afraid she’s not as developed as we are. She’s not ripe yet.”

“Hisoka is right. Bringing her with us will only endanger her. Illumi, can you persuade her to stay?”

Illumi sighed, going to his clothes and pulling out a single needle. He went to Hisoka’s side, his eyes looking down at you with warmth. He sat by your head, almost on Hisoka’s lap, the clown giving a suggestive buckle against Illumi’s back, making him annoyed.

Illumi caressed your face, pulling your locks away from your forehead.

“She won’t be able to leave the forest, without us or our consent. She’ll stay here as she has but will always expect us. The moment her mind thinks of leaving, she will have the most painful headache. The more she fights it, the worse it’ll get until she stops.”

Illumi then pulled you to face him. Your close eyes made you look so calm and sweet, and your puffy lips called out to him. He then pressed the tip of the nen infused needle to the middle of your forehead and pushed it in. You whimpered in your sleep, brows furrowing in pain and discomfort as the needle lodged inside your cranium. Then as quickly as the sting had come, it went away, leaving you blissfully unaware.

The three men then showered in your bathroom and slept all around you smothering with their heat until morning came. Arms clutching you possessively as if the minute they let go, you would fade away.

You woke up with a start. Heavily panting and looking around to see if you were alone. Maybe everything was a bad wet dream, and they hadn’t found you yet. Your first thought was to leave this place that you had constructed and built with sweat and tears. It pained you, but having them found you, was too much of a risk. So you turned, placing your feet on the floor and wincing at your lower region’s discomfort, in all the lower part of your body. You whimpered but made your way to the mirror on your vanity.

The sight almost made you scream.

Deep red and purple marks were littered all over your neck and chest. You brought your hand to cover your mouth as tears rolled down your cheeks. You looked down to see bite marks and bruises all over your stomach, hips, and thighs. You took your robe from the floor and put it on tightening the knot with shaky hands. You opened your bedroom door and quietly walked to the living room.

The embers of last night’s fire were still slightly lit; the windows were opened, letting in the fall breeze. But the place was empty, no well built handsome devils were in sight.

You sighed in relief. At least you were alone was once more, and they may never come back.

That’s when the front door opened, making you jump startled. You stayed in place watching as Hisoka came in carrying a hay woven basket with eggs, he took off his heels at the door placing them beside your shoes and looked up at your still form.

“Good morning, (Y/N)-Chan~” he brightly smiled at you, eyes closed in joy as he made his way to you. You didn’t move, baffled by what was going on. Hisoka placed a kiss on top of your head and went into the kitchen.

As soon as he left your space, Illumi came through the door, carrying your black cat in one arm and a bucket with water in his hand. He did the same as Hisoka putting his shoes beside his and the bucket near the kitchen. The black fluff jumped down his arms and trotted joyfully towards your legs, Illumi followed suit. He took your hand, kissing your forehead and bringing you into the kitchen. He pushed you gently to sit on the dining chair, and you winced a bit at the discomfort and slight pain.

Everything was tender.

“I’ll run you a warm bath,” his monotone voice and void swirling eyes gave you shivers, but his intentions were sweet. You nodded, still unsure of this picture, and he left you.

“I’ll make us some breakfast; you need to be strong if we want to have more fun~” Hisoka winked suggestively, and you hugged yourself unconsciously. “Now, now don’t be like that, darling.” he came closer with a spatula in hand, his big strong arms coming to cage you between the chair and him.

“I know you enjoyed it~” he gave you a peck on the lips and went back to cooking.

You looked at the door expecting Chrollo to join this weird play/reality show, but he didn’t come in. Curiosity got the better of you.

“Where’s...”

“Danchou? Hmm, he was busy and had to leave, but he left us to take care of you~”

“Is he...coming back?” You asked shyly, hating how you already missed the man or the fact that this domestic scene made you feel peaceful and right.

“Huh?” Hisoka looked at you, your shy demeanor let him know all you were thinking. He beamed with glee, you were already theirs. “He’ll be back tonight, maybe he’ll bring desserts~”

You hummed in response. Your eyes looked at the door, and a scheme came to mind. With Hisoka distracted and Illumi away, you could run. Run fast and not look back.

Your hands gripped the edge of the chair, and you almost took impulse to stand and go. Hisoka side-eyed you, his yellow eyes beaming with joy. You were such a fighter, he just wanted to ravish you now. The thought of you wanting to run made his pants tight.

“Do try it~” he said casually not even looking at you “I want to see how far you’ll get”

At that moment, Illumi came back, and you looked like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. He knew what you wanted to do, your intentions were clear in your eyes. It pained him a bit, but he knew you were acclimating still. He had to be patient.

You stood, and both men got ready. The tension could be cut with a knife. You looked at Illumi and went to him, seeming a bit defeated. He slightly let out a sigh in relief as he grabbed your hand and guided you into the hallway.

“Good girl,” Illumi said, pulling you inside the bathroom and closing the door behind him, snapping the lock to seal your fate.