#my answer is that I’ll watch even if it’s queer baiting because like then I’d have more story points and know more about the characters so

[need-a-name-101]

I had a small conversation with a friend about this and now I am curious to what other people think

[uaklauslovesdave]

Hi, thank you for sending me asks, I really appreciate it! :D Could you do 002 for klave, I always want to hear your thoughts about them <3

my buddy, my dude, it’s been roughly 17 years since you sent this ask, and i’m oh so sorry for taking this long to answer. it got to be one of those situations where i wanted to do it Properly, which of course brought the anxiety, which of course then brought the avoidance. But we’re here now! it’s a new era and i have a whole bunch of klave thoughts to dump on my unsuspecting followers. let us begin.

when i started shipping it:

Pretty much immediately! I remember first watching s1 and getting that slow confirmation that Klaus time traveled to the Vietnam War. We saw him on the bus with his fatigues and bloody hands and I was like ‘oh god oh no he went to Vietnam didn’t he.’ And then later we have Klaus experiencing flashbacks in the bathtub and there are echoes of the noises of war but also a strong and clear “Dave!” And in that moment my interest was piqued. Dave, he said? Who is this Dave? Is this someone he loved? Did he have a war-time romance with another soldier? And I was hopeful but I also didn’t want to get too ahead of myself because of Queer Baiting in Media reasons (like, I was in the marvel fandom, ok? I went through the whole stucky dance routine). But then, but then! We got more. We got roughly five minutes (or less?) of scenes of Klaus dropping down in front of a disoriented soldier, of this soldier introducing himself as Dave on a bus, of Klaus and Dave dancing in a bar, of Klaus and Dave sharing a kiss in a quiet corner, of Dave bleeding out and dying in the middle of combat as Klaus sobs above him. And it was quick and it was short but it was meaningful and it was tender and immediately I knew that I was gone for them. There was no turning back at this point. I was all in on the Klave Train.

my thoughts:

My thoughts? Where do I even start? I have many! Some are incoherent! Some are devastating! Some are sickeningly sweet! Some are raunchy! Stay tuned to find out!

what makes me happy about them/what makes me sad about them:

So I decided to combine these two questions because, well, I Do Not Know how to untie the happy and the sad when it comes to klave. I tried and I cannot do it. They’re two sides of the same coin with these two. Because their entire relationship is tinted by tragedy, you know? They only met each other because Klaus was tortured and then flung into a notoriously traumatizing war in the 1960s. And who knows what number tour Dave was on. Had he been there for just 2 months or was this second or third time around? I’m not sure which option is more painful, really. And it’s unclear, did Dave genuinely want to serve in the military? Did he truly subscribe to those values instilled by his family? I’d lean towards no, based on the conversation Klaus tries to have with the Younger Dave in the diner. But I think it took Dave some time to get there, as he grew older and came to better understand and accept himself and perhaps grew more and more disillusioned with the life he was pushed into. And then there’s Klaus, whose own experiences somewhat parallel Dave’s (they just happened on a different timeline). Klaus, who grew up under Reginald’s reign of terror, who was taught to be a soldier just like Dave was. But his own disillusionment was expedited and he was able to rebel and remove himself from that scene more easily than Dave could (but at the expense of losing shelter and security and stability). And we have some insights into what it was like for Klaus to grow up in that environment, constantly surrounded by death. When we first meet him he is a person who clearly does not do genuine attachment or sincerity, because that is far too vulnerable and far too dangerous in his experience. He looks out for himself and he does what he needs to do to get by, and he approaches things from a casual, crass (safe) distance. And then there’s Dave, who we learn a little bit about from his interactions with Klaus in 1963 Dallas. He appears earnest and kind, just a Really Good Kid. He seems somewhat confused by Klaus, but also intrigued. Pretty much every time we see Klaus interact with someone in the 1960’s who is not a member of Destiny’s Children they approach him with disdain (referring to him as “pretty boy,” kicking him out of the diner, etc.). But not Dave. Not until he is pressured into it by Uncle Homophobe. And after that Dave seeks him out and apologizes, says that’s not him. And he and Klaus talk, and we see that they really knew each other, they really had a relationship, but by the end of the conversation Dave has been pushed too far. He’s not quite ready to rebel yet, he’s not quite able to make that leap into living as his true self. Just like Klaus, Dave grew up trapped and restricted and surrounded by ghosts. Not literal ones, no, but the ghosts of dead war heroes who came before him, the ghosts of the Ideal Man and Good Son that he thought he had to be, that he thought he had to prove he could become. And it’s not quite clear how and when Dave finally got to that point where he could rebel, where he could finally push past the fear, knock down the walls of the box he had been shoved into. But by the time he and Klaus crossed paths in 1968 Vietnam he was ready. And Klaus was ready. And they brought that genuine, true, real love out in each other. Something both of them probably thought was never possible. Something both of them probably thought was just a myth. Just turning themselves inside out and sharing that with each other. Trusting the other to take care of it and hold and keep it safe. All in the middle of a deadly war. It’s beautiful and it’s painful and it’s why I love them.

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

Nothing really specific comes to mind. Generally if there’s something I don’t like in a fanfic I’ll stop reading and move on. There is, of course, the Fanon Klaus Problem that makes its way into klave fics, so I suppose that annoys me. Or stories where Dave is one-dimensional and seems to exist just to comfort and take care of Klaus. But really, I don’t wanna hate on anyone who writes fanfic in a particular way. You do you. If it appeals to me I’ll read it and if it doesn’t I’ll just pass it by. No big deal.

things i look for in fanfic:

It absolutely depends on the day and what I’m in the mood for in that particular moment. I’m a sucker for angst so I absolutely do not mind reading something terribly sad and tragic. I like hurt/comfort with an emphasis on the hurt. I’m a fan of the GhostDave Watches Over Klaus Through the Years genre. I like stories that explore their time together in Vietnam. I’m into AU’s that include AliveDave traveling back to 2019 with Klaus and they hang out in Klaus’ room in the academy and Dave meets the siblings and Diego gives him a shovel talk. Sometimes I just want that sweet, sweet smut. Mostly I look for something that is both lovely and sad, which is not hard to find because that is, essentially, their relationship. There’s lots of good stuff out there. All y’all writers are talented. I salute you.

my kinks:

Alright, I’m just gonna preface this by saying that I will try my best to be unapologetically open about this, but at my core I am both shy and repressed. My easy and safe answer to this is that my kink for klave is love, happiness, and tender intimacy. That’s what I really want for them. But also. But also! Let them be smutty! Let them find places to sneak away and fuck, Dave’s hand over Klaus’ mouth to stop him from making noise that will alert the other soldiers to their activities. Or maybe they’re sitting under a tarp in the pouring rain and Klaus sees how far he can take it, and Dave doesn’t back down, and it ends up with Klaus blowing Dave while some other guys are sitting just feet away, oblivious to what’s going on between Katz and Hargreeves just over there. And then there’s that time they get to take leave together, and they’re able to get a hotel room, just to themselves, with real walls and a door that locks and a bed and everything. And the digs aren’t great but it feels like a palace compared to what they’re used to, and they absolutely do not waste this opportunity. Dave fucks Klaus into the mattress, and Klaus gets to learn what it’s like to have someone take control because you actually want them to and you feel safe with them, and Dave gets to learn what it’s like to have someone trust you implicitly and be willing to be vulnerable with you. And it’s not perfect, of course, sometimes their histories and understandings of sex and intimacy bump heads, but they love each other, they really do, and they work through it. And they both cry during sex at some point. For Dave it’s the first time he’s done so, for Klaus it’s not (but this is nothing like those other times this is because he wants to be here this is because he’s overwhelmed with love this is a release this is being seen this is being cared for).

who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other:

Let me be real and say that I really, really, really want them to end up with each other, and I think that this is where the show is headed. But, if that is not the case, as long as they are happy I will be happy. Perhaps that is cliche, but oh well. Just let them experience love and support, whether that’s with each other, someone else, or just on their own.

my happily ever after for them:

I don’t know how and I don’t know when (like seriously, when in the timeline is a big question), but I want them to find a way to be together. Maybe it involves some time-traveling, maybe it involves some timeline-hopping, maybe it involves some Commission interference, maybe one or both of them will be dead, maybe (most likely) it involves something that has not even crossed my mind as a possibility. But, like I said, I think that somehow there WILL be a (perhaps nontraditional) happily ever after for them. It might take some time to get there and I don’t think it’s gonna be a smooth road, but I do think that’s the ultimate destination. And I’m looking forward to the whole process.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Good question! My first instinct was Klaus as little spoon. Because he is Klaus but also because of the Bar Kiss scene where Dave tenderly cradles his face and those Very Important blurry behind the scenes instagram photos of Klaus resting his head on Dave. But I also think it would be really nice for Dave to be the little spoon? Because Klaus gets to hold him and act as a Protector and maybe he can feel Dave’s heartbeat beneath his (hello) hand and he gets to wrap around him and hold on tight and he can let go when he wants to but he doesn’t want to, he wants to stay right here as long as Dave will have him. And Dave will have Klaus wrapped around him, holding on, as long as Klaus wants to stay. Dave gets to be held and cocooned in the arms of this beautiful person he loves. Dave doesn’t have to be strong right now, he doesn’t have to put on the face of the Good Soldier. All he has to do is fall into the space between them.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

I’m gonna say that they had a lot of time to sit together and talk while they were in Vietnam. Sure, they had their duties and sometimes they were in the shit but there was also a lot of down time, just sitting around and waiting for something to happen. And so they’d sit and they’d smoke and they would talk. About their interests, about where they come from, and eventually about the life they would build together after they got out of there. But here’s a specific image that I have: they’re sitting close together, maybe it’s dark, there’s no one nearby. Cigarette smoke lingers in the air, mingles with the fine mist. The conversation has turned to music, somehow. Conversations have a tendency to meander when Klaus is involved, and Dave follows him step for step, never tripping, never questioning how they got there. And Klaus asks Dave about his favorite song, and Dave hesitantly mentions “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence,” like he’s embarrassed, but he’s loved it for years and he wants to be honest with Klaus. And Klaus hums and says he doesn’t know it, hasn’t heard of it, and he leans against Dave, lays his head against his chest. And Dave says, that’s ok, it doesn’t matter, it’s just a stupid old song anway. But Klaus says, no, you should sing it for me, I want to hear it, I want to know it. And Dave scoffs and laughs, but Klaus looks up at him, and then Dave looks away, and his mouth lifts into a smile, something small and fragile. He turns back to Klaus, looks him the eye, and softly, so softly, starts singing, “When Liberty Valence rode to town, the womenfolk would hide…” And Klaus drops his head and shifts closer to Dave and hears the words slip from Dave’s mouth and feels the words vibrate in Dave’s chest. He closes his eyes. There’s a war going on. It’s 1968 and he’s in Vietnam and his clothes are damp but he’s right where he wants to be. The song is not romantic, but it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. He never forgets the words.

[starker-stories]

Long Lenses

It’s been awhile since I posted something new & original. This has been sitting forgotten in my WIPs for a bit. Lost it, found it, posting it.

Also on AO3

If you like what I write, may I recommend subscribing to my feed? After having lost my blog to my own idiocy, I kinda have a distrust of tumblr. I’ve had other issues here with things just disappearing for no reason. Plus when tumblr (or I) mess up, anything below a readmore disappears. So AO3 is the best place to read my stuff. It’s ALL there, long or short. 

Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Quentin Beck, May Parker (Spider-Man) Additional Tags: Cheating, College Student Peter Parker, Closeted Character, Arguing, Happy Ending, Manipulation, Closeted Tony Stark, Press and Tabloids, Secret Relationship, Homophobic Language, used only once, Outing, Offscreen Pepper Potts, Cheating isn't Starker

Summary:  “You’d much rather give the world the image of a happily married heterosexual man than to have the world know that you just go through the motions with her and are secretly as gay as I am,” Peter said bitterly. -------------------------------------------------------------------

“Stay,” Peter said, lying in bed still long before dawn on Sunday morning. He watched Tony dress.

“You know I can’t.” Tony made sure that his suit was appropriately rumpled, his shirt pulled out on one side, his tie askew. He took a drink, rinsed his mouth with the strong scotch. Sloshed a little out of the glass onto his shirt to make the picture believable.

“Stay.” Peter reached out his hand. Tony bent over and kissed Peter, who frowned. “I hate it when you smell like that. Almost as much as I hate the way you smell on Saturday afternoon when you get here. I don’t know what’s worse, watching you pretend to be a drunk or having you smell like her.”

“Peter, you knew the terms when you said yes.”

“And I knew the terms when you said you were going to leave her. When’s that gonna happen, huh?”

Tony sighed. “I hate it when you wake up.”

“You’d rather just sneak out and leave me to wake up to an empty bed,” Peter said angrily.

“Look, she knows I go out with friends on Saturday night. She hates it and gives me hell for it, but I’m here every single Saturday. I have ‘business meetings’ scheduled every Wednesday. Which, since she’s still my PA, she knows I don’t.”

“After which you’re always out the door before ten.”

“Peter, if you don’t like it, I just won’t do it anymore, okay?”

“I’m that fucking inconsequential to you?”

“You know that’s not true. I love you.”

“Not enough to leave her.”

“Things are complicated.”

“Of course they are. You’d much rather give the world the image of a happily married heterosexual man than to have the world know that you just go through the motions with her and are secretly as gay as I am,” Peter said bitterly.

Tony sighed and headed for the door. “Whatever Peter.”

Before the door shut, with a tear strained voice, “Will I see you Wednesday?”

His answer was a closed door.

It didn’t stop him from fixing dinner for two after his last class on Wednesday afternoon. Or waiting nervously to see if the door to the apartment Tony paid for would open by Tony’s key. Almost two hours late, it did.

Tony leaned over and gave Peter a peck on the cheek. “Sorry. I tried to get out as soon as I could, but things ran long.”

He always smelled like her on Wednesdays but this time her perfume was stronger than normal. “It’s okay. I just turned the lasagna down when I noticed you were running late.”

Tony sat at the kitchenette table and watched as Peter laid the dinner. “How was class? Professor Martinez still giving you a hard time?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” Peter smiled as Tony poured the wine for both of them. “I thought I’d take fifteen hours next semester instead of twelve. Other than physics, the rest is a breeze. I can handle more work.” He paused. “Is that going to be okay? It’s going to cost more.”

“If you think you can handle the course load, you know I have no problem with that, baby. I want you to get whatever you can out of school. Fifteen hours a semester? And if you take summer courses, you can graduate in three years.”

Peter laughed. “One more than it took you.”

“Yeah baby, but I got all my prereqs done while I was in high school. You had to trudge through all that last year.”

“I just didn’t want to take summer classes, that’s all. You mentioned something about a yacht,” Peter said teasingly.

“Yeah, well…”

Peter tried to hide his disappointment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s just that the press… every time I take the boat out, they’re out there with their long lenses. Fuck, last time they caught me and Pep nude sunbathing with a drone.”

Peter’s lips drew into a sharp line. He’d seen those pictures of course. Nude sunbathing wasn’t the half of what they’d caught. “Summer classes are fine,” he said tersely.

“I’m sorry baby.” Tony reached his hand across the table and took Peter’s in it.

Peter shrugged. “It is what it is, right?”

“I was thinking…” Tony smiled. “I’d take a hell of a hit in the prenup, but if she caught me with another woman… We still couldn’t be public, but as a single man I’d have a lot more time to spend with you.”

Peter brightened. “You’d do that?”

“Pretty sure she already suspects something. It wouldn’t be hard to convince her. To have some ‘well meaning’ friend of hers catch me with a girlfriend and tell her.”

“Then I’d just have to share you with your girlfriend. There’d have to be one, right?”

“Just for show.”

“Why can’t it just be us? No one would care.”

“I still do business in a lot of parts of the world where they do care.”

“I’ll never have you to myself, will I?”

“You’ll always be the only one who I love. Why do we have to fight? I get to see you so little, I hate to spend it fighting.”

Peter smiled. “I can think of much better ways to spend the next two hours.”

~~~~~

It wasn’t difficult to make a device to disguise his voice. Finding a payphone in a New York suburb was harder, but he hacked into the phone company’s computer and got a list of every functional payphone within twenty miles of a train stop. Getting there untraceably was another challenge. But trains were anonymous and cab drivers even more so when you behaved normally without anything odd to set you apart from dozens of other fares. The phone was a lot closer to the train station than he thought, so he decided that after his call, he’d just walk back there. Even more anonymous.

Finding a reporter with a grudge against Tony Stark wasn’t hard at all. Finding one who had the clout to push a controversial story past frightened editors narrowed the field down to one, Quentin Beck.

“Mr. Beck? I’ve got some news about Tony Stark you might be interested in.”

“I doubt it. I’d need sources and those dry up as soon as Stark starts throwing his money around.”

“He’s having an affair.”

“I thought you said news. Everyone knows that he cheats on his wife.”

“With another man?” Peter added.

“You have my attention. That’s a hell of an accusation. I’ll need details and undeniable proof.”

“Details I can give you. Proof, you’ll have to get on your own.”

“Details then,” Beck said tersely.

“They meet every week.”

“How do you know this?”

“I see him go in. I know who lives there.”

“How do you know that he’s not seeing a woman there? Because like I said, that’s no news at all.”

“The women living in that building are either old or with kids,” Peter expected Beck to take the bait sooner than that. He was having to improvise.

“Lotta women with kids screw around.”

“The only man living in that building is a queer. Stark’s gotta be at least twice his age. It’s sick.” It hurt Peter to have to refer to both of them like that, but Beck was still resisting.

“Address?”

Peter gave him the address of the building he lived in. “He’s there every Saturday. I don’t know if there’s any other time. I’ve seen him go in. My shift ends at two and I’ve never seen him come out, so he stays until after that.” There were three different all night businesses on the same block as his apartment. It wasn’t unbelievable that someone in one of them could’ve seen Tony go into his building.

“Who are you? So I can credit you.”

Peter laughed. “I’m not losing my job over this.”

“So you’re just a concerned citizen.”

“Yep. I don’t like perverts passing themselves off as good married men.”

~~~~~

It was easy for Peter to take the intercom in his apartment apart and disconnect the buzzer to let Tony in on Saturday afternoon.

“Something’s wrong with my door thing.” Peter explained as he came down to the door. He was barefoot and wearing shorts so short they were barely covered by the hem of his t-shirt. “I can hear the doorbell ring, but I can’t buzz anyone in. My pizza last night was almost sent back. Fortunately the delivery guy phoned me.” He leaned up and gave Tony a quick peck on the cheek as he shut the glass lobby door behind him.

“Glad to see you’re in a better mood tonight.” Tony smiled and caught Peter by the waist returning his peck with a more substantial kiss.

“I get to have you in my bed all night, of course I’m in a better mood.” Peter smiled, took Tony’s hand and led him up the stairs to his apartment which was over a block of small shops.

There was no arguing, no demands, no pouting. Peter had no idea if Beck actually took his tip seriously or not. But it was a last ditch effort to finally have Tony be his. Tony would never know how Quentin Beck got his information. He was one of the reporters who dogged him ceaselessly and one he hadn’t been able to control. Peter was fairly certain that Tony would believe it was just bad luck and Beck following him trying to get dirt on something else.

Upstairs, Tony took apart Peter’s intercom and found the singed wire he made to look like an ordinary short.

“Thank you. It’s so hard to get the super up to do anything around here. I’m not complaining. It’s a nice apartment, close to school, and right on the subway, so it’s perfect. But you know… they try to get away with doing as little work as possible.”

Tony laughed. “I should buy the building.”

“It’s a little down market for you, don’t you think?”

~~~~~

It was one of the best Saturday nights they’d had in a long time. Especially since Peter pretended to be very hard asleep when Tony got up to leave. He grumbled a little and turned over but then drifted (or seemed to) right back off.

Now all he had to do was wait for the papers. It was probably too late to make it into Sunday’s but Monday morning? Peter didn’t buy a copy. He didn’t want the evidence lying around his apartment. But the library at school had subscriptions to every New York paper. It wasn’t in the paper Beck worked for. Peter was about to give up, disappointed that his scheming came to nothing. Then he saw the tabloid. It didn’t have a byline for Quentin Beck, just ‘staff’. Peter supposed that when his editor shot him down, Beck decided that a paycheck was worth more than a byline.

The pictures were remarkably clear. Peter winced at seeing how clear his face was in addition to Tony’s. He winced harder when he read the article and found out that either Beck or the tabloid’s staff had discovered his name from the apartment’s records. And even worse, they had copies of checks from Tony’s private account that showed he paid Peter’s rent.

He ran home from the school library. There were reporters outside his door. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I forgot my chemistry text. I need to get back before my next class. Why are you here? Let me through! Don’t touch me!” He twisted out of the reporter’s grasp. He was shaking so hard he couldn’t get his key to work. They were shouting questions at him and cameras were going off around him. Three tries later, he was inside the lobby where reporters weren’t allowed to go. He didn’t wait for the elevator but ran up the stairs. He pulled the curtains shut and curled up in the middle of the bed, crying. 

Clearly, he had not thought this through. He had grossly miscalculated and he regretted his decision tremendously. Instead of doing something to assure him of finally having Tony all to himself, he might have driven him away permanently.

Peter sat staring at his phone, hoping Tony would call. It rang often, but he didn’t answer. Tony had a special ringtone. All other calls, even from his friends, he rejected. Tony didn’t call. Peter imagined he was busy trying to put out the fires on his end. After a few hours, he tried to call Tony. It rang once and then went straight to voicemail. He didn’t leave a message. He waited another hour to the same results. The next call, two hours later, he left a voicemail.

“Tony, I’m scared. They’re outside my door. I… I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I’m locked in and I’m alone and I don’t know what’s going on.” He was crying. “What happened, Tony? Please call me back. Please. I know… I know things have to be bad for you too. But I’m scared, Tony. I’m scared.” 

Not only might he lose Tony, but his whole life was about to be ruined. If they had the rent checks, they would find other things too. Like his school schedule. Like the fact that Tony was paying his tuition. That he’d set up an account for Peter to pay for groceries and books and other little things. Oh god, they might even find out his aunt’s name and number.

“May? Has anyone… Have you…” Peter was sobbing.

“Peter, what’s going on? I went to work and my friend showed me the paper. You and Tony Stark? Is that true? I know they can make pictures up to look like whatever they want.”

“It’s true. It was a secret. It was supposed to stay a secret. I don’t know how they found out. They’re outside my door. I could barely get into my apartment building.”

“He’s married, Peter. How could you!”

“He said he was going to leave her. He said he loved me.”

May sighed. “Sweetie, they don’t ever leave their wives, you know that. Men like Tony Stark… he buys and sells people like they were nothing.”

“He isn’t like that, May. He… he was going to leave her. He had a plan and everything. It was just going to take time. He loves me and I love him.” He sniffled and tried to stop crying. “Are you okay? They haven’t bothered you, have they?”

“I’ve had some calls but I hung up on them. But no one’s been here at the apartment though. Not like your place. The internet has the story already. I saw your picture trying to get into your building.” She paused. “Is it true he pays for your rent?”

“Y-y-yeah.” He was sniffling again. “And my tuition and everything else.”

“So you don’t have a job like you told me.”

“I used to. When I told you, I was an intern at Stark Industries, that was true. But it only lasted a few months before Tony and I… I’m sorry May. I didn’t want to lie to you, but it had to be a secret. He couldn’t have anyone knowing.” He started crying again. “Now everybody knows. And he isn’t calling me back.”

“Peter, even if everything you said is true, that he loves you and was going to leave his wife, he can’t call you right now. If… I don’t even know how to explain this to you… you’re young. You don’t know what it’s like to be married.”

“Not you and Ben… that never happened between you, did it?” Peter sounded afraid.

“No, no. Neither of us were like that. But you hear about it from friends. There are friends I have at the hospital whose husbands cheated on them. It’s… messy. It’s complicated. And that’s without being famous and the press hounding them all the time. This can’t be easy for his wife. Think about her. I don’t mean to be harsh, sweetie, but you just ruined her life.”

“I’m not the first affair he’s had,” Peter said defensively.

“But you’re the one he got caught with. And the only man.”

“Not even that.”

“Okay. But you’re the one she can’t deny or push under the carpet or pretend she doesn’t know about.”

“I don’t care about her,” Peter said angrily.

“That’s obvious,” May said, with a little anger of her own.

“It’s not my fault.”

“Whose is it? You knew he was married. The whole world knows he’s married. Sure, it took both of you, but you didn’t have to say yes. How long has this been going on?”

“About a year and a half.”

“Peter!”

“We’re in love. He doesn’t love her. He hasn’t loved her for a long time. Even before me.”

“I can believe that man has no morals, but you? I thought…”

“I’m in love with him,” Peter interrupted her. “That’s all I know. I’m in love with him.” Peter was sobbing. “You don’t know him like I do. Nobody does. He’s different when he’s with me.”

“Well, I’m not going to talk to anyone about it. I didn’t know anything and obviously, I still don’t know anything. I thought I knew you but…”

“You do. You just don’t get it. We fell in love. That’s not something you can control.”

“But you can control acting on it. I’m sorry you’re in the mess you’re in, but it’s a mess you made for yourself. You have to think of the other people whose lives you ruined by choosing to sleep with a married man.”

~~~~~

It was after midnight before Tony’s ringtone played on Peter’s phone. “Tony?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah baby. I’m so sorry. I should’ve known… I never meant for you to be caught up in this. The damn fucking reporters follow me everywhere.”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be. Like was going to happen with my plan, I’m gonna take a hell of a hit to the pocket by the prenup. She insisted on a cheating clause, knowing my lack of ability to keep it in my pants. But she never would’ve pulled that trigger unless something went public.”

“But you can manage that, right?”

“It’s not gonna send me to the poorhouse, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not. You know I don’t love you for your money. I hope you do.”

“I know baby. Bad joke. Sorry.”

“Are you still at home?”

“Nope. I mean, it’s still going to be my home once the separation’s over and done with. The building belongs to the company and the company belongs to me. I’ll need to buy out her share of the penthouse, but that’s not a problem. It was just prudent that I be the one to leave right now. Give her time to cool down, let the lawyers hash things out.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d call.” He paused. “Ever.”

“Really? Doubt me that much?”

Peter sighed heavily. “Things don’t usually work out well for the ‘other woman’.”

“Yeah, but the guy usually isn’t in love with the ‘other woman’. I love you.”

“Still? Even though…” He sighed again. “The other woman turned out to be the other man?”

“It’s kind of a relief, actually. I mean, yeah, life is gonna be hard for awhile, but then we can be together.”

“You still want that?”

“You still want me?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, Tony. I’m kind of in love with you.” He paused, twirling the fringe on his bedspread in his fingers. “My aunt kinda hates me.”

“I’m sorry. The whole homewrecker thing?” Tony asked.

“Yeah. She doesn’t understand.”

“It doesn’t help that the papers are… fucking ruthless. But what’s done is done. No putting this genie back in his closet,” he laughed wryly.

“I’m sorry Tony.”

“Not your fault baby. It just never happened before because I never stayed with the same person for more than a few nights. After a year and a half, my habits got picked up on. Traveling to the same place on a regular schedule. Someone was bound to catch me sooner or later.”

“So what’s gonna happen now?” Peter asked.

“Well, I could always have Happy drive by and pick you up to bring you to my suite at the Plaza.”

“What‽”

Tony chuckled. “Not like we have to keep it a secret anymore. Not like the whole world doesn’t know I’m into guys after today’s headlines. Not like she can sue me twice for cheating on her. The only question is how much heat are you willing to bear to be with me. Because it’s gonna get really hot for you, baby. They’re gonna dig out every nasty word in the thesaurus and print them.”

“Do I get to be with you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Let them print,” Peter said with fierce determination. “I’ll send them a list in case their thesaurus isn’t complete.”

[littlemisssquiggles]

So, I'm not a Fair Game Shipper. I've never was. But, seeing how the fandom's reacting, i feel conflicted. On one hand, I feel incredibly sorry for the shippers. Its very sad that their ship had to go down the way it did. But on the other hand, They kinda walked into that trap in the first place by shipping two characters who were never even written to be a couple in the first place. People kind of got too excited for something that was never meant to be. Thoughts?

…Hmm…I’mgoing to do my best to try and keep this answer VERY brief since I really don’twish to go into one of my usual jibber jab tirades on this particular touchy subject, given all the discoursesurrounding it at the moment.

Tobe perfectly honest with you anon-chan,this squiggle meister more or lessshares the same views as you in a sense. I didn’t exactly ship Fair Gamemyself. I mean I liked it. I definitely saw the appeal of the ship and Iunderstand why many, many folks gravitated towards it. Clover was a coolcharacter and his rapport with Qrow was very nice. It was nice to see Qrow havea person he can trust against given his previous luck with his former STQR teammatesand other close confidantes he trusted the most once upon a time(coughsOzpincoughs).

However,personally I never saw the prospect of Fair Game becoming canon…mostly becauseI never truly saw them as nothing more than a friendship between two men inarms. It’s for this reason why I often referred to Fair Game by Fortune Cookies---the dub for the Qrowand Clover FRIEND-ship.

Frommy perspective, I didn’t see Qrow and Clover’s connection as romantic at all. While I’ll admit it hadthe potential to go in that direction should the showrunners decide to havethem go that way---but that’s the main point I want to make. If Fair Game wasto be canon, then the showrunners would’ve pushed for it like what they triedto do for this season and last with Bumblebee.

Butthat never happened. Instead the series always portrayed Qrow and Clover as friends and that was the extent of theirrelationship on screen, according to the canon. It’s certain members of theFNDM who perceived their relationship as something more. It’s for this reason why I can’t really support the FNDM’saccusations of the CRWBY (and by extension RoosterTeeth) “queer-baiting” and/or “buryingtheir gays”.

As Oscar would say:

 ....Wait...what?!

NeitherQrow nor Clover was confirmed as LGBTQ characters. The show never evenconfirmed that Qrow and Clover were interested in each other in a romantic sense. Once more, that was the perceptionof some of the shippers within the FNDM who wanted it to become a possibility. Andwhat some folks referred to as ‘flirtatiousexchanges’ between the two huntsmen could easily be debunked as casual, friendlybanter between two men who had grown close within the time they shared witheach other both on and off the battlefield. Throughout the season, we watchedQrow’s attitude towards Clover shift from one of awkward aloofness to one ofmutual respect.

Iteven got to the point where Qrow started to reciprocate the same kind of wittycomplements that Clover once offered him back in V7CH5. It was nice seeing Qrowbehave like this since it reminded me of his behaviour when he was firstintroduced back in V3 only this time he wasn’t drunk. 

He actually started tobehave like his old self again in his new non-alcoholic persona and it wasnice. It was good for his character and it highlighted that his bond withClover was doing some good for Qrow. Whelp…until the recent episode. 

 But regardless, Clover’s involvement in Qrow’slife wasn’t about romance. There was never even any passion expressed betweenthem in the first place. It was purely platonicand mutual respect. I’d even go as far as to say that Clover might’ve been theclosest thing to a best friend thatQrow’s had in a long, long while. The unfortunate thing with Qrow is that itdidn’t last long...like his other past bonds. *long sigh* 

It’s actually a sad day to be a Qrow fan since the show can’t give this man a break at all. ESPECIALLY HOW THEY CHOSE TO PORTRAY THAT SCENE! 

Honestly, I have my own beef with V7CH12 concerning Clover and Qrow but it hasnothing to do with Fair Game since…like I said, I did NOT see thesetwo as anything but platonic since that’s how the show always portrayed them.  

IfI may be blunter, I would go as faras to say that this whole mess with Fair Game is reminding me of the RoseGardenDiscourse that arose after V7CH9. Certain folks making a big whole hullabalooover something that was never confirmed in the first place. Just as how theCRWBY never confirmed Rosegarden, they never confirmed Fair Game either.

I’venoticed within the FNDM community that certainmembers have a tendency to overreactwhen things don’t go the way they interpreted things. Instead of handling it like rationate people, they make noise and resort to bullying---both other fans as well as the people who work on the every thing they claim to “love dearly”. 

It’s for this reason whythe RWBY FNDM has earned a poor rep because of its “very passionate” shipping community.

It’sfine if you’re disappointed with a certain outcome within the show and you’reallowed to be vocal about it in your opinions. But the line is crossed when youmake accusations over something that was never truly confirmed, especially whenyou hold it up to evidence within the show. A mountain out of a mole hill, if you will.

In a nutshell, I’msorry that the Fair Game shippers feel butt hurt after Clover’s deathESPECIALLY based on how the show chose to portray the events leading up to hisdeath. That…that’s still…ugh! I can’t even with that scene.

IfFair Game fans were mainly disappointed over how the showrunners chose todepict Clover’s death with Qrow... then…fair…game.

Butat the same time if the hate mostly stems from a shipping standpoint then…I’m not sorry since the show neverconfirmed this relationship to be romantic in the first place. Besides I find the way certainshippers have been outright attacking the CRWBY on social media because of thisto be downright deplorable.

Again,it’s reminding me of all the nonsensical discourse from certain shippers whoattacked my fellow Rosegardeners after V7CH9. It’s the same kind of behaviourand that earns no empathy from me because it’s ridiculous. 

That’s pretty muchall I have to say on that subject.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[itsclydebitches]

Preacher Review: “On the Road”

AKA: “We’re in Texas. They pretty much grow dumbass crazy here.”

Hello, beautiful Preacher fandom! I’m back and beyond excited. I did reviews/reactions/vague keyboard smashing last season, but I’m hoping to keep up with Season Two in a more organized manner. So enough talk. Let’s make like the trio and hit the road~

This premiere is a two-parter (so be sure to tune in tomorrow!) and all I can say so far is HOT FREAKING DAMN. But let’s start at the beginning.

Preacher is absolutely a show that needs a “previously on” and it was just enough pertinent info to work as a refresher for casual fans without making us wait too long for new material. Honestly though… I’d forgotten all about the leveled town. No lie. In retrospect I probably actively forgot that piece of horrifying info, but either way I was reminded of it full force. Yeesh. The tragedy gets two brief cameos throughout the episode: on the convenience store’s radio—“the blast that destroyed a small Texas town”—and at the strip club—“Whole town blew up.” “What town?” but we’re still waiting to see how the trio reacts to this news. Until then there’s plenty to keep us occupied.

It’s THE SEARCH FOR GOD: DAY ONE and I’m pretty damn stoked.

So what is Preacher? Preacher is a holy man, a criminal, and a vampire framed together in a car, all wearing sunglasses, accompanied by badass music… while Cass blathers on about how there are 17 million circumcisions done each year. Oh, and how the foreskins make it into face cream. Lovely. The biggest thing I take away from this though is that Cass watches Oprah and really, I don’t know why I didn’t realize that before.

We don’t have this calm for long though. Accompanied by Dexys Midnight Runners’ “Come on Eileen” we get Tulip and Jesse arguing over whether they should just use Genesis to get a cop off their tail, or try to outrun him with almost no gas. Cass speaks for the viewer when he says, “I love a good car chase.”  

And as fun as it is, this scene also sets up an important theme for this season. Beyond Genesis’ violating aspects that Tulip obviously takes issue with (notable that the one woman in the group is the only one to raise concerns, even casually) she continually positions Genesis as the “lazy” way out of their troubles. It’s a smart move on the writers’ part as it does three things. It 1. Pushes to the forefront the moral ambiguity of Jesse using Genesis for anything, be it big or small, 2. Ensures that they don’t lack plot because he can pretty much solve anything and everything that comes his way (a common problem with ultra-powered characters), and 3. Creates plot by giving us this moral conflict between two of our main characters. So kudos there, Preacher team.  

After the length of our song Tulip finally runs out of gas and suddenly, inexplicably, there’s about ten cops all surrounding the vehicle and drawing their guns. At first my brain went WTF but then I remembered. This is America. Of course there area million cops with trigger happy fingers. 

That shit was the most realistic part of this episode.  

Anyway.

What follows is a fantastical mess of crazy, interlocked situations that never once disappoint in entertaining us. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Preacher is a master of keeping the audience on its toes, blending horror with humor in a dynamic I’ve rarely seen elsewhere. We get a few moments of traditional creepy crawly feelings—like the store owner’s slow turn to regard the Saint of Killers, taking us with him; or Tulip and Cass going dead quiet as they hear something in the garage; or Mike’s whiskey rippling like the water glass in Jurassic Park, equating the Saint with a terrifying T-Rex—but for the most part this show won’t stay in one genre for more than a few minutes. It’s a series of endless juxtapositions:

The cringy humor of “mace your balls” alongside the tender way the two cops hold hands. 

A heartfelt reciting of “The Yellow Rose of Texas” right before the first cop gets blasted. 

Cass’ (horrifying) ingenuity of using the cop’s head to stop the car contrasted with his own stupidity of leaving his butt next to flowing gasoline. 

In the midst of the chaos Jesse bends over Cass with his umbrella, the perfect shot of a perfect gentleman. 

Tulip’s adorable heels and skirt coupled with smears of blood on her face from using a trail of intestines to siphon gas for the car she won’t leave in a bloody shootout.

It’s all, as the title card says, PREACHER.

As the trio runs off—with the Saint disappearing (for now) in the back window of their car—we’re given a little more info on the limits and consequences of Genesis. I like this scene where Jesse tells the store owner to “pretend” that he never saw them, because as we see soon after word choice (pretend vs. forget) has a serious impact. When standing before the Saint the owner can do nothing but repeat that the Preacher was never here, with tone and body language all screaming that it’s a lie. As punishment the Saint appropriately rips out his tongue.

In contrast we get a cute moment with Cass and Tulip in the store, with the former knowing the exact, disgusting recipe for washing the taste of gas + blood + intestine from your mouth. The emotional roller-coaster continues with Cass’ “Trust me” producing warm fuzzies, only for those to dissipate with Tulip’s cold demeanor, the horror of seeing shrapnel in Cass’ stomach, then oh no wait there’s a cute kitten, oh wait again he doesn’t like Cass he’s yowling a lot oH WAIT AGAIN CASS IS EATING THE KITTEN—

Goddammit, Preacher.

Pets do not fair well in this episode. RIP Mike’s dog.

Speaking of Mike, poor guy didn’t last long did he? No doubt this will be another common occurrence. We can’t forget that beyond Mike and Tammy and the slew of cops in this episode alone, the trio has already left a whole town of dead people behind them—to say nothing of Eugene getting sent to hell. Given the show’s willingness to engage with some questions of responsibility, I’ll be eager to see if the trio ever really deals with the body count they amass. For now though we have the big issue of Mike keeping women in cages in his garage. That’s horrible right? He can’t do that. Even if the women do (supposedly?) agree to his ministering. The line that seemed significant to me though was Mike threatening to call Ashley’s parents and her immediately calming down, saying no, when before she was begging Tulip for a phone—thus presenting that previous hysteria as just an act. Still, as always, it’s ambiguous. It’s not Preacher if you’re not fiercely uncomfortable and vaguely offended. One day I’ll need to try out a serious, feminist reading of this show and see where it stands.

Points in its favor though: nothing like fucking with the male gaze! Cass might look adoringly on Tulip with the appropriately sappy music playing, but it’ll happen while she’s picking something (probably body parts) out of her hair and it’s interrupted by her own frustrated expression. Hell yes.

The Cass/Tulip angle remains one of the biggest plot threads, alongside the trio dealing with the Saint and finding out about Annville. I’ll touch more on this as the show does, but for now let’s just say that my little bi, polyamorous supportive heart couldn’t take Cass begging to come clean to Jesse, or assuring them that they can TOTALLY still have sex with him in the bed (if only). Yes, a good argument can be made for queer baiting, I’ve certainly argued more ferociously on less, but there’s something about Preacher’s insanity that just makes me want to let (some) things slide.

Back on track though. Mike does seem like a psychopathic asshole—keeps women in cages, no clean house unless his dead wife is doing the work—but he did stab his own heart rather than rat out a friend, so kudos for that. Mike actually does a lot of work in a very short amount of time. Beyond giving our trio their lead he lets us know that supernatural forces are common beyond just Jesse and his friends, in that he was supposedly getting answers to his prayers before Genesis showed up.  He continues Preacher’s tradition of grappling with technology’s place among the religious and the mythical (what good are books when you can just call angels on your telephone?). He visually emphasizes what the whole show is about—choice vs. faith—by choosing his own death, in his own chair, with his own damn whiskey at his side. Most importantly though, Mike introduces us to another HUGE aspect of the Preacher universe: Jesse’s family. I loved this little scene. The show did well to incite curiosity by commenting on but not showing us the photographs, and Jesse’s reaction to the questioning was both realistic (focusing on a singular sound when traumatic memories surfaced) and helpful to the viewer (we know now that this will be important later). I also liked the little treasure chest bobbing open in the fish tank. What sort of secrets will the chest reveal?

I have little to say about the strip joint beyond the fascinating detail that God loves Jazz and the fact that I’m too gay to be watching hot women in cat ears. I’m sorry. Serious reviewing here. I mean someone did just die. Again. Tammy’s shooting was very minor while it was going down, but Cass seemed surprisingly shook up about it later. Or rather, he was scared that her death might harm his standing with Jesse—“Padre I’m sorry. I won’t let you down again.” Between sleeping with Tulip and tuning his moral compass to what will most easily get him in Jesse’s good graces, Cass is heading for one hell of a fallout. Comics foreshadowing, anyone?

I’ll wrap this up with three other notes: 1. Cass listening to Tulip and Jesse going at it was equal parts sad and hilarious. 2. Having Jesse break down the door to get at Tulip was an amazingly creative way to showcase their relationship. That deserves more unpacking than I have the energy for at the moment. And 3. …. Wtf, Fiore. WTF?? I demand answers!

Thank god there’s another episode tomorrow.

Oh, last thing. We end the episode with the Saint menacingly coming down the street and Jesse desperately trying to force him to stop. It’s a good cliffhanger because, if you know the comics, the Saint should be just as affected by Genesis as everyone else. So he’s either got his ears plugged here, this is just an anxious dream of Jesse’s… or the show is going in some new, interesting directions. They’ve obviously changed a great deal already, but the mythology of the comics (who the characters are, what they do, what their limitations are) has remained mostly on point. So if this is indeed something the show is adding, I’ll be real interested to see where it leads.

Until tomorrow, friends! <3

Other Minor Things Worth Noting

I kind of love that Tulip was apparently driving 97mph but when you look out the windows they don’t seem to be driving very fast... like at all. Yes, shoddy editing, forgetful artistry, etc. but I like to view it as fairly reminiscent of their characters. With the lives they lead 97 is gonna feel very slow to the likes of the trio

The cop’s radio getting shot right when Jesse was going to use it was played for tension/humor, but it also goes a long way towards establishing the Saint’s abilities. He doesn’t miss and he always knows exactly where to shoot.

As always I enjoy Preacher’s distinct editing. In particular the time lapse of the Saint catching up added a wonderful, spooky element (almost as if he himself had sped up time), the title cards are always in unexpected places, and—new to the show—we had Cass’ final scene ending with a Loony Toons’ reminiscent circle, appropriate given the sheer what?-ness of seeing Fiore as a stage attraction. (And if anyone knows what that transition is called, do tell).

The “Do Not Trespass Against Us” sign was a fun, religious spin on the traditional trespassing sign.

I also liked Jesse delivering news of God’s absence like someone from the Army delivering news of a death. Both humorous and oddly touching. 

[sportsanimebreakdown]

Breakdown: Ookiku Furikabutte (Big Windup or Oofuri)

SPOILER FREE

Big Windup: High school baseball anime (studio is A-1 Pictures) and manga (Asa Higuchi), ongoing.

Production: Solid. Production IG and Madhouse still dominate in terms of quality, but A-1 is sure as hell head and shoulders above the clusterfuck team that did Eyeshield (which was a combo of TV Tokyo, NAS, and Gallop).

Tropes: Low Self-Esteem Hero, Fudanshi Bait, “I Will Make You A Hero”, Slice Of Life

Not-Your-Wikipedia-Summary: Ren Mihashi is a total wuss because his middle school baseball team utterly destroyed his self confidence. They always lost because the catcher never knew how to use Mihashi’s insane ball control to their advantage. Now Mihashi is in high school and a nervous wreck and joins the baseball team. The catcher, Takaya Abe, (voiced by the extremely talented and easy-to-pick-out Yuichi Nakamura), sees Mihashi’s potential and decides he’s going to make Mihashi into the best damn ace that’ll take them all to Koushien. Cue slow-paced, feel-good, team-coming-together-against-the-odds 

TL;DR Review: It’s cute. It’s low stress. If you want to watch the friendship between boys be pushed and pulled and strained and celebrated all in the frame of high school baseball, and if you want that satisfaction that comes from a low-self-esteem hero showing everyone up, it’s a fun trip. Yes, all the character blush too much and the queer baiting between several characters is so obvious it borders on fetishization. But it’s not a bad thing to have different kinds of boys represented: scared boys, crying boys, boys who aren’t sure of themselves but are teaming up to try their best. We need to show that no matter what kind of person you are, you’re still a valuable part of the team. 

"Objective” Score: 6/10 (for those who like/need a slow pace and can overlook the problematic coach [more below])

Personal Score: 4/10 (too queer baity [make it gay or don’t, just stop with the fucking baiting], too slow, too problematic with the coach character)

Full Thoughts: So it’s been awhile since I watched this series. After watching One Outs I thought I’d go watch its exact opposite while still in the baseball genre. I have to say, it didn’t really age on me well. I think it’s a good series for 13-15 year-olds. It has all that blushing queer baiting that, if you’re in the closet or still figuring yourself out, might be tantalizingly close to validation. Also, like I said above, it’s great to see boys who aren’t chock full of toxic masculinity. You can be a scaredy cat and still be a good athlete. It has enough humor and embarrassed-youth moments to make it relatable/more dramatic for younger viewers or those who are still capable of being embarrassed. For those of us who are older/cynical/naturally-prone-to-being-an-asshole, watching it is more irritating than anything else. 

But let’s talk about something else...

Author Insertion Characters: Now, let me make it clear at the outset that this is NOT limited to female authors/creators. Pretty much every series has The Inserted Author, and more often than not it’s the protagonist. This is especially apparent where there are multiple female characters all in love with one boring ass dude. But what about when the Inserted Author isn’t the protagonist? What about when they’re a side character who is vicariously enjoying some exploitative scene? Usually, with male authors, we get side male characters who “happen to” see panty shots, etc. They’re so common to any series that they hardly need mentioning. I admit, I don’t even mention it, I’m so used to it; I just roll my eyes and watch on. But in the case of Oofuri, we get the team’s coach, Momoe. As soon as I saw her, I knew the series had been written/drawn by a woman, in good ways and bad. She’s got big boobs, has a strong personality, and the team is intimidated by her insane baseball skills and general strength. If she’d been written by a man, the team would’ve been drooling over her big breasts and there would have been a nonstop “comedic” tension over how sexy she was. But she’s not sexualized in any way. For that, I'm super grateful. (The bar is low for my gratitude, I admit.)

But there’s a couple of things about her that threw major red flags for me: one, that it’s made clear that she pours all of her money into this boy’s baseball team. Now, she’s a woman with insane baseball skills and a clear passion for the game. So why the fuck didn’t she start a GIRL’S softball team? They don’t even cover it, as if it’s not even a real question. And why is she pouring all of her everything into serving these young boy’s needs? Talk about gender role stereotypes. Why isn’t the school providing funds for all this equipment? Or if not, why aren’t they finding a way, as a TEAM, to raise funds for it? Why is she, the only woman on it, pouring all of her money into it? That’s one red flag. The other red flag basically answers all of those questions and can be seen below:

I’m sorry, is that woman orgasming over team bonding between adolescent boys?  If you don’t have a problem with the above screenshot, if your brain is saying some shit like “but no, it’s pure! Because she’s a woman! And they’re boys!” then I want you to do a mental experiment: imagine that screenshot above with the genders switched. So an older man is clutching himself, blushing and sweating like that, saying “this is so good” behind the backs of a bunch of oblivious 14/15-yo girls. Is your mental reaction a little different? Good. Now readjust your previous opinion. This answers the question of why she’s coaching a boy’s team. Because the author wanted to vicariously jill off on the emotional bonding between young boys, all under the excuse of the Female Purity Myth. What am I talking about? It’s the pervasive idea that women can’t be sexual/perverted. That womanhood somehow makes women “naturally” pure. This is damaging to men and women: To women because we’re shamed when we ARE sexual beings (which is a one sentence understatement of a very complicated issue), and to men/boys who are sexually abused by women but feel that they can’t come forward about it.

So. I’m conflicted. I like her character because SHE isn’t sexualized... but I’m angered by how the series validates the fetishization of queer relationships between boys by older women. I’d rather watch a series that has no female characters than a series that has one who is this problematic. I’ll be passing on re-watching any more of this. 

[lifescominguproses]

TJLC Thoughts

Ok so..... I know I’m not a TJLC blog (even though the only reason I come on tumblr nowadays is to look at the tag ha) but I need to vent and process...... because I literally feel like I’m going insane. So bear with me lovelies, (this shit’s gonna be long and probably full of grammatical errors).

I absolutely love Sherlock, have done for awhile, even though I didn’t get into it as soon as it came out. I knew about Johnlock and TJLC way before I started watching, and didn’t really think much of it at the time. Then.... (there’s always a but) it became everything. I was obsessed. I not only loved the show because of its mystery and brilliant writing/plot lines, but also because of the obvious, heart-wrenching, all-consuming love between Sherlock and John.

Of course I saw it. Of course I thought “how can these two brilliant characters not be totally and utterly in love with each other?” I’ll admit, sadly, that I was the only one in my family who saw it that way. Does that make me smarter than them in the context of watching the show? I have absolutely no idea. Because right now, in the lead up to TFP, I’ve never been so nervous, so unsure, and so disappointed.

Because, I’m now 99% convinced that the way we all saw it, was not the way the writers intended it to be seen at all. To us, it was obvious, they (JxS) were *in* love. Does anything else need to be said? Yes, yes it does. Although its a very ‘base - level’ example, I feel like I should point to the picture (randomly found, but felt extremely relevant to my poor obsessed brain).

Maybe this whole time we were looking *too* deep; reading into subtext when there really wasn’t any (although I’ll get to this in a minute, Moftiss you fucks.) This is essentially my first ‘meta’ so I’m just going to go ahead and ramble. Yes Johnlock is about friendship, and yes its even a romance. But in the context of the show, does it really matter which one prevails? Can’t a relationship feel like both without the need for sex? Could John and Sherlock really be ‘soulmates’ and ‘life partners’ that don’t feel the need to “have sex or make out on the couch” every night? Because I feel like that's what Moftiss was trying to tell us all along; that we were being too ‘pedestrian’ (can’t think of another word so eh) when we should have been using ‘higher - level thinking’. (I have a feeling the whole “it is what it is” comes into it here, but im way too tired to go into that ahah).

Now, as much as this is what I believe is truly going on, I absolutely fucking hate it. Of course as Johnlock shippers we want them to be explicit in their love. And for some of us this means said “making out on the couch” scenes need to be shown. But after reading practically everything to do with TJLC, Moftiss and TFP spoilers, I really don’t think that’s ever going to happen. What I think WILL happen, is that we’ll keep seeing exactly what we have been seeing, which to us appears spectacularly obvious yet annoyingly ambiguous at the same time. That is, we’ll keep seeing them pining over each other when they’re apart (even because it’s their own choice *cough* John Watson *cough*), we’ll keep seeing them saving each other from the danger that is their lives, we’ll keep seeing them spiral into depression without the other one around to help, we’ll keep seeing declarations of love masked by words like “mate”, we’ll keep seeing them choose each other again and again. Because that’s just the way it is between them, they know it, the writers know it, and even we know it. We just wanted *it* to be different. We just wanted *it* to be shown in a different, more explicit, way. To the writers it doesn’t even need explaining.

Now onto my brief (hahah yea right) “fuck you moftiss rant.”

WHY THE EVER-LOVING FUCK CAN’T IT BE SHOWN THE WAY WE WANT?! Every single adaption of Sherlock Holmes has the same relationship aesthetic. The “John and Sherlock against the rest of the world” type thing is literally fucking everywhere. It’s even in the fucking video games. I mean, I get it. I get that you guys wanted to keep this part of the story alive, its great, it’s beautiful and it warms our hearts. But it is supposed to be a modern adaption after all. And you know what one of the biggest fucking modern issues is? Yeah you guessed it, LGBTIQ rights. Now, I should probably point out here that I am completely 100% straight. I’m a girl that likes guys and all that shit. But I live in a country where where same-sex marriage isn’t a reality (my hatred for that fact is a whole other point) and where same sex couples get treated differently to those in hetero-sexual relationships (seriously, fuck you Australia).

Now I know it’s highly unlikely that moftiss were to ever intentionally queer bait us, being the type of people I think that they are, but man they didn’t think some things through. I know in the first season/s the constant questioning and subtext over John and Sherlock’s sexuality (”confirmed bachelor”, “will you be needing two bedrooms”, “isn’t really my area,” “I’m not actually gay”..... ffs moftiss really?!) was meant to be both an outlet for humor and a throw-back to TPLOSH. But come on! Like seriously! At some point a repeated joke stops being funny! If they didn’t intend for it to mean anything in the grand scheme of the show, why continue to use it as a plot device? Obviously to some people (like my parents) it was just a joke; a running gag if you will, that wasn’t meant to be read into (I’m not sure whether I pity or envy you lot). Why would moftiss put all this effort into making us question John and Sherlock’s sexuality (ahem Irene fucking Adler) just to disregard it in the end? I seriously don’t even know. Maybe just to show that Sherlock really is human after all? Yeah I got no clue. 

Now, onto TFP.

To me, going along this whole “we’re being too pedestrian” theory, the “love conquers all” thing is actually pretty simple. Love will conquer all, but we’re not talking love in any sort of specific sense here. We’re talking in pretty general terms. I feel like the massive climax to this episode (and apparently the whole show) will be to explain Sherlock. That is, we’ll see his past and his (probably) traumatic childhood where some shit happened with the siblings and Sherlock became an emotionally repressed drug addict because of that. We’ll essentially be seeing the reason as to why Sherlock is the way that he is. Of course love’s going to come into that. My bet is that ‘love’ in whatever sense of the term, will be the thing to save Sherlock and everyone else in the end. He’s finally going to allow himself to love (in whatever way) after being an emotionally repressed idiot for so long. Therefore, I’m betting the iconic “I Love You” is damn important, just not in the way we want it to be.

Now, I don’t know exactly how any of that will make ‘lets make television history’, ‘insane wish-fulfillment’, etc make any sense. I mean sure, Mycroft or Molly or John or even Sherlock could die, Moriarty could come back from the dead, he could even be related to Sherlock and have been playing a ‘long game’ since their childhood (although Moriarty and Sherlock related would actually be really freaking cool in terms of the story). I’ve got these thoughts and more going through my head as to what could possibly be the “plot reason” for all of moftiss’s promotional spiel. It’s going to be different for everyone as to what ‘makes television history’. So lets be honest, moftiss are probs just laying it on too thick ahah.

I mean, I’d love Johnlock to happen in the way that we want it to. I’d die if he said “I love you” to John, I’d probably explode if they kissed. But its just not going to happen that way. Honestly, even if it did, wouldn’t it just take away from every other single aspect of the episode? Wouldn’t the most important part of this episode be the mystery? (aka, Sherlock’s backstory arc etc)? If Johnlock happened in this episode, it would be the only thing every single viewer (shipper or not) would be thinking about. Shippers would be going nuts, non-shippers would just be confused as hell for the rest of the show.

Yes, they could do Johnlock at the end in the “apparently missing 4 minutes” (credits, people) after everything’s resolved, but again it would be the only thing people remember. Is that what moftiss want’s the audience to remember more than anything else? I don’t think that it is.

I know they’re giant freaking liars and we shouldn’t trust absolutely anything that they say, but going on the countless times where they basically shut us all down (they could have done that in a nicer way tbh and I’m frankly pissed off about that), I’m not betting on explicit Johnlock at all. I mean, to them, its already been done.

I could be completely wrong.God, I hope I’m completely wrong. I just don’t want to be disappointed. Because I already feel soul-crushingly disappointed and it sucks. The whole show is doing my head in and I just want some bloody answers. So yeah, this is my way of trying to make sense of everything’s that been stuck in my head for the past few weeks, and it may not make any sense to you guys at all. Just thought I’d put it out there.

By the way if anyone out there has anything to add I’d love to hear, I’d love to discuss..... I Haven’t really actively gotten into the fandom until now but I’ve observed from the outside and I must say, I freaking love you guys, and I live off fanart and fanfiction! :D xoxo