#my Seaking video

[bitchfitch]

here:)

everyday a new package irks me.

[deadqueerboys]

How big do you think the dream team are ?

OH LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO

Dream

Big and fat, he slaps it on you before coming in. He's lazy but takes some care about his private area. Always shaved and making sure nothing is negatively dirty.

Dream is a big soft dom, or a perfect sub. He loves being in control, but he also loves the feeling of obeying someone. If you give him an order, he will certainly do it.

He's tall and strong, which makes him look powerful and mad, but he's not. He's just a simp who needs his partner all the time or else he will feel alone and rejected.

"Love.. do you think I'm big?" Dream asks, sitting on the corner of the bed. His legs were shaking, and he was nervous. He seems so small like this. After his haircut and doing his nails, he feels a bit feminine, maybe even feeling like a sub.

"What?" They ask, tilting their head and looking at him with confusion. They smile and come closer to him, sitting on his lap. "Babe, you're fucking big." They nod, caressing his cheeks with their thumb.

"I don't feel big.." He complains, wrapping his arms around them and nuzzling into their neck. He's patient and would do anything just to be close to his partner. He feels a little bit better after talking with them, and the rest of the night is spent on the sheets.

George

Medium size, not big but not small. He's totally a bottom for boys and top for girls. And he does as you wish if you're something else, my little non binaries.

George is kind, always making sure you like it. He's a soft bottom, pretty voicy and touchy. He wants to make you feel good. He's desperate for your attention during sex.

"Fuck, I'm sorry.." George whimpers, he was almost cumming and you guys barely started. He felt ashamed, but you felt so good around his cock. He was definitely seaking for more. "Can you do that again?" He asks, referring to you kissing and playing with his tip.

He might or not cum dry, it depends of how you are doing him. He loves touching your body when you guys are in the act, especially if you let him play with your sensitive nipples. He loves it. It means the whole world to him.

He feels more comfortable if you guys are at his place, even tho he wouldn't complain if you were so somewhere else.. somewhere without Sapnap and Dream almost opening the door all the time.

Sapnap

Fat and medium. He loves to be a brat top, teasing you the whole day before finally giving you something. He loves to tease you, putting just the tip. He laughs at your reaction, wanting more.

He also likes to choke you and make you look at yourself in the mirror. It's his biggest kink. He loves to stroke himself, looking at himself. It gives him a bigger boner. (That's a canon, I can show you guys the video).

Sapnap has something for thighs, he loves to grab yours as he fucks himself inside you, always whimpering and making comfortable sounds. He loves to slap your ass while he's inside. He loves even more if he can leave marks on you.

"Babe, I'm pretty close.." He whimpers as he slaps you one more time. He was almost giving up, his knees shaking, and his hand weak. It was almost too much for you to take, but you managed to be quiet and enjoy. He was losing himself inside you.

[basilcruzzzz]

Dysfunctional Fam™

Dysfunctional Fam™

sunboi: yo guys why poseidon looks mad

messenger pigeon: wdym bro

sunboi: he looks ready to turn someone into a dolphin

drunk_on_LOOOOVE: ey! That’s ripping me off!

sunboi: fine he looks ready to turn someone into a horse happy

drunk_on_LOOOOVE: very

seaking: ATHENA.

Athena Parthenos: Poseidon.

sunboi: soooo

What’s wrong people???

free therapist here yk

seaking: WHY IS HE BACK ATHENA?!

Athena Parthenos: it has been years poseidon

Let. it. Go.

sunboi: so were ignoring the free therapist offer

ok

interested in a calm the heck down lollipop?

seaking: I AM NOT LETTING IT GO AFTER ODYSSEUS STABBED MY SON IN THE EYE

Athena Parthenos: so what?

Your son was ugly anyways.

seaking: GASP

YOU DID NOT SAY THAT

NONONONO

.DFKAKFHSDFAKSDFHKASHFDASHDFKSH

messenger pigeon: bro got so mad he couldn’t even speak properly

drunk_on_LOOOOVE: lmao screenshotted

Athena Parthenos: Stop being childish, Hermes, Dio.

messenger pigeon: hey, listen, im just tryin to break the tension for our readers

Athena Parthenos: what

drunk_on_LOOOOVE: what

sunboi: what

seaking: what

messenger pigeon: what

sunboi: moving on-

You two @seaking and @Athena Parthenos take this to the Dms

Me and Hermes here need to talk privately too.

messenger pigeon: what..?

sunboi: you heard me, messenger boy

dms, now.

messenger pigeon: … sure.

*

sunboi > messenger pigeon

sunboi: why are you hiding from me, hermes?

messenger pigeon: what do you mean?

sunboi: youre avoiding me

You wont even look at me

Hermes

What are you hiding

messenger pigeon: i cant tell you, apollo

sunboi: what do you mean?!

Is someone threatening you?

If they are i swear on the styx im going to toss them in the worst pits of tartarus

messenger pigeon: NO NOTHING LIKE THAT!

I just…

I cant say

sunboi: hermes please

I need to know

I dont want to be like this anymore

messenger pigeon: apollo…

Its supposed to be a secret

sunboi: so? 

That’s not as important as us

messenger pigeon: its about artemis

I just thought that, you know,

It wouldnt be fair to tell you to keep it from her

sunboi: i can hide something from her

I swear!

ive gotten better

Tell me

messenger pigeon: alright. Ill tell you

Its about orion

He’s returned.

sunboi: no.

No, no, no, no, no

It cant be

messenger pigeon has sent a video

messenger pigeon: this is the video hephaestus saw on cams

This is why he took so long to respond

im sorry apollo

sunboi: artemis is goig to finds outtr

yuo knwo that riughts???

messenger pigeon: eventually, maybe

but not now.

sunboi: i dont knwo whaat illl do if orion comes back

Wha t if artemis seeshim and brings him to olympus

Thentheyll both hate me

I dont want artemis to hate me

messenger pigeon: apollo thats not going to happen

Shes your sister

she’ll stick by you

I know youre panicking

Want to call?

sunboi: mhm

messenger pigeon started a call that lasted 6 hours

*

messenger pigeon > machines <3

messenger pigeon: hephaestus

machines <3: you told him, didnt you?

messenger pigeon: how did you know?

machines <3: I saw the messages in Dysfuntional Fam

messenger pigeon: well, you’re right

machines <3: do you really believe that he’ll manage to keep it a secret?

messenger pigeon: well it seems he hasnt kept a secret from artemis in a long time

But we dont know, so maybe he has

machines <3: i suppose thats fair

But its just a guess

not fact

messenger pigeon: are you angry?

machines <3: no, no

I should’ve expected it, really

after those issues with the cows were ironed out, you and apollo were inseparable

messenger pigeon: thanks for understanding, hephaestus

machines <3: no problem, brother

~

sorry for not posting but hereeee

[gumdropgundham]

Milgram analysis

Hey this is a post based on my personal opinions of each character. I don’t know controversial they but I figured this would be fun even if nobody see it.

TWs for gore murder child abuse animal death

Haruka: INNOCENT

Honestly he’s one of my fav characters from here his mvs are really interesting and I love him. Honestly this is manly about trial two but I think essentially he’s a sociopath who likes killing animals but not really in the same sense. You can see him knock over a fish tank in the second vid as well as kill just a bunch of animals. I think his mom didn’t like him and his dad wasn’t there. I also think that she was a taxidermist essentially making figures of dead animals. Most animals are things show on here board like the butterfly he smashes or the dog he kills in the end. He wanted to make her happy by doing something he thought she loved.I think he killed his mom or his friend I’m not sure but either way he’s not guilt and I love him.

Yuno: INNOCENT

So I think Yuno’s story is more complicated than we think. The obvious idea is that she had an abortion and that’s technically but not really murder. (Btw I am extremely pro choice) but I think that she essentially likes having a baby in her. In her first video she keeps talking about a warmth. I think this represents having a baby. And instead of having an abortion she waited until it was to late according to laws and gave birth to it while also killing. In undercover you can see Es lying on the floor beneath her like baby that came out. Gross I know.It makes sense considering her second mv where she’s upset at us because we don’t understand what’s shes going through.

Muu: INNOCENT?

Okay here’s my problem with muu. It’s seems really obvious that’s she’s a manipulative POS but if you go back and watch after pain it’s not really hinted to. Like at all and it’s seams like there’s more in the secon vid. Currently my theory is that she felt isolated by her bully “friends” and she seaked refuge from the girl. But she refused. In her first video she says I found out how much I’m not needed where I fell like she found out her friend group didn’t like so when she reached out to the girl she felt betrayed that she didn’t accept her apology/friend request and out of hatred for both her bully’s and her muu killed the girl

I’m going to make more but my hands hurt and yeah

[whatifwekilledgodandwebothgirls]

Kys

See now i dont know if this is for a joke or not , but if you genuenly want me to kill myself just know that replied to a man telling me that he was going to put my name first on his suicide note with a video of me jerking off . I once spent 30 muintes on call with a man telling him the ways ive fanasised about his death and trying to talk him into suicide while grinding on a pillow . Once a guy told me he started self harm and i replied that my panties were soaking wet . I repeatedly told him that the only thing that would provide me real sexual pleasure would be if he cut his throat . Suicide is my love languge . If you think telling me to kill my self will make me sad you are mistaken . I genuenly have a bit of a fetish . Am i proud about any of that ? Abseloutely not . I think i should seak help . But still , dont talk about suicide because like it genuenly does things to me that im assamed of

[digitalrose]

About Me: Gustavo Ribeiro - 6ºB

I am Gustavo, a student in Rosa Pavone School. I am eleven years old, I like to play video game with my friends. My favorite vídeo game is PS2 and my favorite game is hide and seak. I don`t have many friends at School.

[seakclauswinkler]

My neighbors wive was commenting unwanted that I was eating my own nose pickings.

Don’t know the English slang word for that. In Germany it’s called ‚ Mümmes ‚ oder ‚ poppel ‚ .

I was complementing her how good she was/ is holding her mouth the last weeks, and that she should shut her mouth (I used slang ‚ babble/ babbel (bubble)).

How beautiful it was.

What have you expected from a guy who has ‚ fucking ‚ tattooed on his chest.

Iam happy that I live mgtow, free from females with in her masculine polarity.

Just because they rewarded me with the cultural price 20+ years ago, doesnt mean, iam not a toxic, anti social (assi) asshole, etc.

females must test males.

I guess the women are just mad, that i don’t fxck myself thru the village.

Don’t hunt where you sleep. Once you start caring what the others think your are there prisoners.

Maybe I should have told her that I have posted a video online a few days ago where you could see & hear me sitting on the toilet, doing a large business.

Being real, authentic is a form rebellion in a fake world/ society.

Interesting is that those compliance, ‚ shit ‚ tests, are although come from femininsed men. Trying to destabilize your masculinity. Although with in friends circles, where that one friend is betasized by the female which controls him, and or a lack of present strong masculine father, the creeping woke virus.

Other perspective, maybe she felt a certain bad conciousness, weakness, with in me, a lack of pride how I ate the nosepicking. That’s why she was Shouting. Similar to when women complain about a unconfident weak burp, but love, accept, a masculine loud confident burp.

I don’t see the point in acting like the middle class, till I own children.

#SEAK #ClausWinkler #SEAKClausWinkler#artistworkingon #artistinthephoto #Späne #abstracted #arts #artistinthepicture#interiortrends #newpaintings #Spawns #mixedmediartwork #studioartists #artiststudioworks #germanpainters #abstractpaintings #stylewriting #interiorarchitecturesymbiose #neuekunstwerke #zeigenössischerKünstlerimAtelier #sprayartist #newcontemporaryartist #interiorart #kunstwerk #abstract #oldpainting #collecteur

[cindysnuts]

CW: Animal Death/ Dog Death

So, this post is about a video of me waxing poetic about wanting a regional form for Seaking, likely cause of watching that one King of the Hill YTP one too many times, about how cool it would be to see one of the most overlooked Gen 1 Pokémon still get love this long after it’s heyday. The video is from 12 days before I had to say my last goodbye to my elderly dog, Mazie. I didn’t necessarily realize it at the time, but I was clearly struggling with the feelings I had about Mazie and taking care of her, versus making the choice to give her the best death. The decision was ours, but ultimately mine, and a hard one to make, but one that I knew would be the only real option for her.

I… really wish there was some way we could’ve taken care of her more. There wasn’t. I don’t think we were bad owners, but we weren’t exemplary. I knew that. I mean I was the youngest person living at our house, and somehow the only one responsible and understanding enough to care for a DOG. A dog. I don’t blame my mother, after all, she was already caring for both her parents by herself, while still working a difficult health care job. But, the fact that the other two living here were incapable… I dunno it really stings. It stings because I know I wasn’t enough for her. Mazie was an old, fat dachshund who was very independent and very needy. I got really sick for the first time with my chronic illness just a few months prior to this, so it was obviously really affecting my mental state here, making me more somber and reflective. And, as her primary care giver, I was also starting to lack even more. She had simple needs to go out and use the bathroom late at night, and I would get furious at her for it, because of the pain and discomfort and ruin of my sleep that I so desperately needed and could so barely maintain. It wasn’t fair but that’s how these things go, I suppose.

So there wasn’t any way to improve her care, is what I mean. If the only people capable mentally are too busy and tired or sick and weak to do so, then there’s no way I could have given her the miracle treatment that I wanted to give her. I wanted her to be cleaned up like those rusted appliances. I wanted to hunt the Herba Mystica and heal her up. I wanted her to be given new relevance and love and care, like a new form of Seaking would do for him. I wanted to I wanted to give my old dog new life.

But you can’t. I can’t. I couldn’t. She was just old. She’s not like those miracle dogs on the Dodo. She isn’t a young rescue revitalized and brought back to health by a miracle worker, cause she wasn’t young, and she didn’t have an expert caretaker. And she didn’t even really have the drive, either. She’s not. She wasn’t. She wasn’t like Seaking, or antiques, or Arven’s Mabostiff. She actually aged. She was a real dog, a real life. Seaking and Mabostiff and antique candy makers can’t get old and die. And she did. And it’s not fair. It s not fair that they can be fixed up with care and she couldn’t. And it’s not fair to myself to think that she could have, that I could have done it, done the impossible.

But it still hurts. It hurts because I love her so much. It hurts because she was such a light in my life even with the burdens of her care. It hurts because I’m guilty. It hurts because I had to rejustify my decision to others over and over again, even after we had her death date planned, even if they agreed and didn’t fight, it still hurt to rejustify. It hurt, the night before she was set to go, to have to spend it explaining to my oldest sister exactly how and why she had to die that day. It hurts because I know I was right to have stuck to my guns even with her “second wind” throwing us off. She was only getting older and slower, and less able to go on at all.

I’m glad she had a good day on her final day, though. I’m glad I had the grace and clarity to make the hardest decision I could for her. I’m glad I had the support of my mother and the Veterinarian for the decision. I’m glad I got to say goodbye to her on my day off, with exactly who I wanted to say goodbye to her with. I’m glad I cried and wept and couldn’t keep it together if I had wanted to. I’m glad she had a long life full of different families who loved her. I’m glad she got pulled out from under that trailer in Mississippi all those years ago. I love you so much Mazie. I always will.

…

So. The video. Like I said, I might be pretty self aware, but even still, I don’t think I was self aware enough at the time to realize I was talking about all of that. I probably thought it was mostly about myself, if anything. Being newly sick and unmedicated and wanting desperately to be fixed. Regardless, it’s about Seaking. It was sent late at night, after I spent the previous few minutes searching for art of a Seaking regional form. I only ended up saving it for the joke at the end, I think. But it’s brought so much beauty and catharsis to me now, six months later, I cant help but be happy that something I saved on a whim has brought me all this.

So, as thanks for reading this far, I give you: my Seaking video.

[albatross-tech]

SO MY FRIEND GOT ME INTO MUDER BOTS-

It's just a pilot but it's good and has a campiness to it that I love.

So I haaaaaad to make a version of my main boy into the universe. This may change if there are more episodes later with more lore.

I don't know why this is the resting pose of Edwin but it is. This version of Edwin is called Edwin but may go by Ed as well.

He is a modified Murder bot made by an underground group of humans from earth that are robot sympathizers. They believe that They shouldn't interfere with that they have made as long as they are peaceful.

After hearing of the disassembly drone being sent to kill the worker bots for being "Corrupted". The group of scientists got together to develop a bot to hunt down the dangerous murder bots. The leader making Ed in a design that his deceased teen son(death by cancer) had drawn up in a comic. It was the only indulgence that the leader wanted so they obliged as a way of honoring the kid's memory. So they hijacked and stole an unfinished Disassembly drone and got to work rebuilding it into a what they believed would be the ultimate weapon against the drones.

The outer metal was melted down aand remade with a special metal that withstands high heat and corrosion. The bot mostly uses energy based weaponry. Think like Uzi's railgun, light saber-like claws and lazers in replace of normal weaponry. The thing about that is to recharge, he must seak out the acid in Disassembly drones to fuel himself.

Unfortunately the team was infiltrated by an Anti-robot group that thinks robots are too dangerous to humans to keep around. One of their own researchers slipped in during the programming process to add some buzz words that cause him to flip out and kill any robot in the area till his quota kill is filled. Like a sleeper agent.

Phrases like:

"Kill all humans."

"Destroy humanity."

"Kill these bots"

And anything with that similar order of words sets him off. The words "OFF" flash on his screen in red as he snaps. He remembers the events.

There are two ways to stop this. Trap him till an internal timer returns back to normal. Or put him somewhere cold. His energy and body runs best with heat but cooling him off slows him down and he can regain control...but his weapons are not as strong when cold.

Upon learning this after completion, the group set to terminate him for the safety of bots and humans but the Leader had already grown an attachment to Ed despite not activating him. Ed reminded him too much of his son and his son's dreams found in the old comics. So the leader sent Edwin away in a one way escape pod with a necklace that contains a holographic video from the leader with a loose explanation of what his is, what he has to deal with and a warning to never return to earth.

Ed has since been following his orders to some extent but focusing on what and who he is. He is a mystery to himself.

He stays away from other bots in fear of what he might do. He does fill his orders by killing any disassembly bot being hostile to a worker. He is very solitary though and doesn't stick around for a Thank you. He protects the necklace around as it is the only clue to him of who he is and what he was built for.

Yes, his face is like that all the time. Always has a brow and a half open eye. He does emote, just differently. His fangs are actually filled with the liquid stolen from Dissadembly drones. Drones of all types are often met with confusion when they meet him. Those Dissadembly drones that survive call him a walking virus.

That's what I'll put for now.

[inadaydream99]

Can u do a friends to lovers w huening kai where the reader is 1 year younger💕💞

Hey! Thanks for requesting. I really hope you enjoy! 😊

Win You Over

———————————————————————

“You what!” You shush Yeonjun in a panic, eyes darting around the room to make sure no one is in ear shot of your conversation.

“I like HueningKai alright. Help me!” You reiterate, whining a little at the end as you press your face into the palms of your hands in distress.

You have come to Yeonjun for advice, seeking out the eldest in hopes that he would be able to give you guidance on what to do about your crush on Kai. But so far you haven’t managed to get any further than repeat your confession to Yeonjun, his eyes still wide in shock and lips curling into a teasing smirk as he thinks it over.

“That’s so cute!” He suddenly reaches over to pinch your cheek, taking the opportunity to tease you.

“So can you help me or not?” You deadpan, not appreciating his cooing over you in the slightest.

“Of course I can, I am the master of everything!” He exclaims, a little too obnoxiously but you know he’s only messing around.

“And I already have a great idea...” he shoots you a devilsh look, instantly filling you with dread and making you wish you had seaked out Soobin for help instead.

~

After hearing about Yeonjun’s plan to get Kai’s attention, you waste no time in putting it into action.

You had previously sat next to HueningKai while he was occupied playing video games with Beomgyu, both of them muttering their hello’s to you without tearing thair gaze from the tv screen.

“Are you ready to go?” You look up at Yeonjun timidly, giggling softly as you nod your head.

“Ready.” You smile, standing up and following Yeonjun’s lead as he smirks at you.

“You look absolutely stunning.” He gushes, taking both your hands in his and intertwining you fingers together. You can’t hide the heat that rushes up your face, eyes darting down to look at the floor.

Hearing your conversation, Hueningkai’s attention is drawn away from the tv screen. You don’t realise as Yeonjun makes eye contact with HueningKai, sending him a pleased look, taunting the younger with his praise over you.

“Where are you two going?” Kai asks, his soft gaze meeting yours. If you knew any better you would think he looks disappointed.

“On a date.” Yeonjun simply answers, not wanting to dance around the topic. It was purposeful anyway, the first part of the plan being to grab Kai’s attention.

“Oh... well have a good time!” His dissapointed expression suddenly changes back into his usual bubbly smile, his body perking up and hand waving enthusiastically as he watches you leave the apartment holding Yeonjun’s hand.

As soon as the door is shut, however, his posture slumps again, the forced happiness melting away and adorable smile morphing into a frown.

“What’s with the sadness all of a sudden?” Beomgyu turns to face HueningKai, intrigue peaking as the youngers pout grows. Beomgyu had noticed the exchange of looks between Kai and Yeonjun, sensing an arising competition between them both. Though over what exactly he wasn’t sure.

“It’s nothing.” HueningKai grumpily mumbles, his behaviour suggesting the complete opposite.

“It’s clearly not nothing if you’re acting like a baby.” Beomgyu teases, snickering to himself.

“Ugh fine! I’m upset that Yeonjun is taking (Y/N) out on a date ok!” He exclaims, moodily throwing his arms about in defence.

Beomgyu finds the whole situation highly amusing, a taunting smirk resting on his face as he waits for Kai to calm down.

“Ok so, ask (Y/N) on a date too if you like her that much.” Kai falls silent, mind going into overdrive as Beomgyu pats him on the back before resuming his video game.

“Now come on, you’re loosing.” He continues like nothing out of the ordinary has just happened. HueningKai suddenly doesn’t care about the game, his mind now wanting nothing more than to win you over.

~

“What’s all this for?” You gasp, your heart skipping a beat upon entering the guys dorms to see the display of different snacks and movies neatly placed on the coffee table in the centre of the living room.

“I thought we could have a movie marathon.” HueningKai sweetly answers, beaming at you with pride filling his chest.

It’s been a few days since your fake date with Yeonjun. The second part of the plan being for you to lay low for a day or two while Yeonjun susses out HueningKai’s feelings towards the prospect of you being with someone else.

Yeonjun wasn’t stupid, he knew before you came to him for help that you had feelings for HueningKai. In fact he was worried that he’d initially overplayed his surprise, but you didn’t catch on.

He also knew of Kai’s feelings for you, it being completely obvious to Yeonjun just by observing how Kai liked to take care of you, fully taking advantage of the fact that he isn’t the youngest when you are around.

“Oh my gosh you even got gummy worms!” You squeal, elated by the fact that he remembered your favourite candy.

“Bet Yeonjun didn’t put all this effort in for his date.” HueningKai mumbles under his breath, quietly enough that you won’t hear him. He hadn’t technically asked you on a date, more so going with the causal hang out route and hoping to turn it into a date by making his move.

“Did you just say something?” You turn to face him, tilting your head to the side which makes Kai’s heart race a little faster than it already is, finding your innocence so endearing.

“No.” HueningKai shakes his head, chuckling quietly. “What film do you wanna start with?” He continues, quickly moving on the conversation before you pick up on his nervousness.

~

You slowly wake to see the end credits rolling on the tv, it’s volume turned right down and all the lights in the room switched off expect for a single lamp in the corner.

You don’t remember falling alseep but it’s apparent you did and as you grow more accustomed to your surroundings you realise that the soft pillow underneath you is actually Kai’s chest.

Judging by his steady breathing you assume he is still asleep. You don’t want to disrupt him but at the same time the longer you stay cuddled into his chest the more you feel awkward.

With your mind running over how embarrassed you would feel for him to wake up and find you like this, the need to move away becomes increasingly stronger.

You hold in a breath when you feel HueningKai’s arms clutch tighter around your waist after you subtly begin to wiggle your way out of his hold. Had his arm been there the whole time? You weren’t sure.

“Don’t leave, you’re warm.” Your face flushes red, though even if Kai’s eyes were open he wouldn’t be able to see in the dim light, which you are thankful for.

“How long have you been awake?” You timidly look up at him, your head tilted at an awkward angle from being pulled back onto his chest.

“I never fell asleep.” He chuckles as you bury your face into your hands.

“No, no, it’s ok. Don’t be embarrassed.” He softly speaks, using both his hands to pry yours away from sheltering your face. “You can fall asleep on me like this anytime, it’s really cute.” He continues, finally making eye contact with you.

The affectionate smile on his face sends you into an adrenaline induced panic, feeling so flustered from the situation you don’t know any other way to react.

You don’t know what to say, mind completely void of any coherent thought. You look down to realise your hands are still in HueningKai’s, a nervous “ummm” sounding from you upon taking in the situation.

“Can I try something?” Your head shoots up to meet Kai’s soft gaze. Mouth slightly agape as you nod in response.

You hadn’t realised how close your faces were until this moment.

Slowly, HueningKai’s hand reaches to caress your cheek, his other using his thumb to soothingly rub circles on your hand.

Drawing your face closer to his, he stops millimetres apart. Lips ghosting and breath mixing in a tense moment of silence.

His eyes bore into yours, watching intently for any refusal and when he gets none he gently connects your lips with his.

Your eyes flutter shut, taking in the moment as much as you can. The kiss is timid but conveys a sense of longing, like Kai has been waiting as long as you have for this moment.

“Woah.” You whisper as you pull apart. Cheesy grins plastered on both of your faces.

“I guess we’re not just friends anymore.” You chuckle at Kai’s statement.

“I guess not.”

[novelistash]

Lex Evans

Continuing my compulsive catalogue of fictional lives that I didn't come up with.

After the wedding, Ayla took Lex golfing and admitted that she had created distance with Lex ever since she'd made a move on her. They became besties again. At the age of 31, Lex sold her town home, so she could focus on renovations on her and Ariana's equestrian ranch home.

Throwing party after party, Lex realized she wasn't just hilariously addicted to Bahama Mamas, but simply addicted to alcohol. She went to AA, but got nothing from it.

While long boarding and drinking Mai Tais Ayla admitted to Lex that she'd been offered opium and seriously considered using it. Lex said she was glad Ayla didn't go down that path.

At the age of 34, Lex became a Sr. Environmental Scientist, but her real job was dumping hundreds of thousands of dollars into Arian and Lex's mansion.

The days all started to bleed together, and Lex drove all the way to work before realizing it was Saturday. Lex suspected that the drinking was getting in way of her memory. Remembering her luck with spiritualism in the past, Lex found a Witch Doctor to help her with her alcoholism. She ate a raw Komodo Dragon Egg. After purging most of her stomach, the thought of liquor made her sick.

Ayla's continued drinking pulled Lex and her apart, and Clive became Lex's new bestie.

While at the record store with Ayla, she talked about opium again, saying that her new bestie was smoking it around her. Lex told Ayla she was glad she wasn't using it, but Ayla got quiet instead. Lex was pretty sure she was going to try it.

At the age of 39, Lex accidentally scored on her own goal while playing soccer. Everyone laughed for ten minutes. She sold her old BMW and bought a used Suburu. Ariana renewed their vows and adopted Carter, 3 year old whose father couldn't afford to pay for his medical bills. Lex bonded with Carter by doing yoga with goats.

Carter called out "mama" and Lex and Ariana laughed when they realized they didn't know who he was asking for. While buying new clothes, Lex tried on a stranger's coat. She was caught and left the store in humiliation.

Carter had his first day of school and Lex's niece Kylie was old enough to get a job as a receptionist. Lex reflected on how awesome human beings actually are. After playing laser tag with Carter and Archie's family, Lex and Archie became best friends. Lex's friend Eleanor talked her into crashing a wedding. She didn't remember how it ended, only that she was back at home puking in the garden bathroom so Ariana wouldn't know she was drinking. Lex went to a hypnotist to overcome Alcoholism and it worked. Picking up a bottle of champagne only made her think of maple syrup.

At the age of 42, Lex's niece Hazel graduated secondary school. At the graduation party, someone told Lex to shake her money making, so she shook Ariana. Lex gave her nieces $10,000 each. (Kylie getting money for the graduation she'd been too drunk to attend!) While playing bingo with Ayla, she admitted that she'd been cheating on her boyfriend. Lex told Ayla that she'd always be there for her.

Hazel became a Jr. Flight attendant and moved out of the house. Lex housed a celebration at the mansion and she was offered ritalin. Lex turned them down. Lex wrote up a will that named Ariana and Carter as the sole inheritors.

At the age of 44, Lex was sexually harassed at work. Her coworker Michael pulled her shirt off in front of everyone. The supervisor fired Michael. The Evans family started going house shopping.

At the age of 46, Lex's mother got very sick. She took her mom to Dr. Cooper and he treated her diarrhea, caused from contaminated lettuce. The lettuce outbreak had originated in Indonesia. This got Lex thinking about social responsibility, and she decided to run for School Board Director. She ran against Angus White and lead a clean campaign. After knocking on 1000 doors, Lex lost the election. Ariana took the family to Thailand to help Lex get past the sting.

At the age of 47, Lex had another brush with death! While hiking off trail, she slipped into quicksand! Lex remembered her swim team days and swam out of the pit. She was in there for 8 minutes. Contemplating life, she read her step brother Kobe's journal. Kobe found her and Lex apologized. Lex decided that she needed to downsize her life. She needed to get out of that mansion.

At the age of 49, Lex's mother passed away of natural causes. Lex and Kobe both inherited $2,618,526. Lex finally found a buyer for the manision, and sold the property for 4.3 million. They moved into a midcentury home with 3 beds and 2 baths. Carter was starting secondary school, and Lex gave him $10,000 to spend how he wished.

At the age of 50, Lex celebrated her 20th anniversary with Ariana. They laughed about the prenup. Ariana encouraged Lex to keep running for office and Lex realized she could do anything she set her mind to. Lex caught the flu, but recovered after a trip to the doctor.

Lex's niece Kylie married her college boyfriend. Though neither were unemployed, Kobe had the funds to pay for the wedding. Lex's friend Eleanor convinced her to start drinking again. Lex spent a lot of time with wannabe sommeliers, and dealt with a very real relapse. Lex went to AA and found the strength to throw out thousands of dollars of premier wine. Lex and Elanor got into a fight about the perfect crotch shape, but they both knew it was about drinking.

At the age of 52, Lex lost her step father. He had a stroke in the closet and Lex found him dead. The thought of dying alone in a closet haunted her, making her uneasy about staying in windowless rooms. Ariana talked to Lex about the future at a local park, and Lex decided to run for School Board Director again. She ran a clean campaign against Sophia Johnson, but someone called Ariana a biznatch! Lex called the man a troll and won the election. Lex held energetic rallies about education and the environment.

At the age of 53, a provocative intern tried to hook up with Lex while they were working late. Lex turned him down, but she had been turned on. She talked to her wife about the pros and cons of becoming swingers. That following morning, she planted a cucumber garden.

Carter graduated secondary school and Kobe retired. teen pregnancies were becoming an issue in Lex's school district, so she mandated contraceptives be available. Lex held a rally to dispel the myths about contraceptive encouraging pregnancies.

A friend of Lex's wanted Lex to put her on the payroll without having her do any work. Lex offered her a job as a lead janitor instead and she stopped talking to Lex. Carter asked his mothers if he could study finance at a university, and they encouraged him to live his life how he wanted. Lex went to a bar with Ariana, and was able to stop after one drink.

Kobe's daughter, Hazel, married Jayden Roberts, a restaurant worker. While dancing at the celebration, Ariana fell to the floor. After taking Ariana to the hospital, she was diagnosed with cancer of the buttocks! Lex renewed her vows to Ariana. Lex read Kant's "Critique of Pure Reason," and found little reason for cancer to exist.

While at a masquerade ball, Lex flirted with a politician to grease the gears of government. Ariana was furious, but no amount of trying to explain the situation helped.

At the age of 58, Lex fell out of bed and hit her eye. She could see for 6 days. Lex's term as School Board Director ended. Ariana's cancer went into remission. Lex and Ariana went to Osaka, Japan to celebrate. Ariana forgave Lex for flirting and encouraged her to run for a second term. After another clean campaign against Hugo Miller, Lex won re-election!

Carter graduated uni and became a Jr. Stockbrocker. After a trip to the gym, Lex was diagnosed with a staph infection.

At the age of 60, Lex and Ariana celebrated their 30th anniversary. Ariana vowed to make more time for their marriage, by finally retiring. During the party Lex caught Kobe sneaking around in her room and the two got into an argument. Lex was the first to apologize even though she wasn't at fault.

Carter got promoted to Stockbroker. Lex was diagnosed with hemorrhoids and cherished naps above all other activities.

Kobe's daughter, Kylie came out as gay. Lex was offered a $3 million bribe and turned it down.

Lex finished her second term in office with a 100% approval rating. As School Board Director, Lex Evans was known for her energetic rallies. She tried to run a clean campaign for Mayor of Sydney. When she didn't deny the truth of her past with alcoholism, the public sided with 79 year old, Eli Epping. Lex went on a vacation to Machu Picchu with Ariana.

Lex spent $754,000 on an unsuccessful campaign, and then at the age of 65, retired.

Ariana and Lex moved to France to get away from the public eye. They bought an art deco home! They adopted a cat named Zorro from the animal shelter. Lex bought a used tesla.

At the age of 68, Lex lost her step brother Kobe after a stroke. He had refused to seak medical treatment, even though his hearing was going out.

Lex's life was dominated by renovating the art deco home. She missed her friends in Australia. Lex and Ariana argued about the nature of reality. Ariana thought it was a waste of time to talk about things like that.

Lex got into a car accident on the way home from her 40th anniversary, her butt got cut. She visited her friend Ruby in prison. Ariana started withholding sex. They both opened up about their fantasies on a trip to Venice, Italy, and things seemed to be back to normal.

Shortly after Lex's 71st birthday, her cat Zorro passed away. Lex and Ariana moved back to Australia, moving into an adorable cottage with 2 beds and 1 bath. Lex sold her tesla and art deco home in France, and bought another used Suburu. Though the move back to Australia helped Lex's mood, it had done nothing to help her relationship with Ariana. They were getting into fights about everything from video games to fishing laws.

Forty-two years into their marriage, Ariana asked for a divorce. Lex begged Ariana to stay. Even though she agreed, she refused to go to marriage counseling.

The next year, Lex and Ariana went sky diving and slowly things started to improve. It seemed like Ariana was simply bored with life, so Lex would try to be more spontaneous.

Lex and Ariana renewed their wedding vows after volunteering at a retirement home, something they both hoped they would never be in. Lex gave 0.74 carat diamond earrings to Ariana. She said the gift was an insult.

The day after Lex's 78th birthday, she witnessed a bank robbery! Within a year, her best friend and first crush, Ayla passed away. The doctor's said it was, "her time," but Lex felt strong and happy. Lex lost two more friends that year, and wondered if she was fooling herself and started to think about her bucket list.

Lex and Ariana's 50th anniversary was a solemn affair, as Ariana was suffering from bronchitis. Someone hacked into Lex's instagram account, so she deleted all her social media.

The 82 year old millionaire, Lex, wanted to run for office again. Ariana thought it was a waste of time and money. Lex ran despite Ariana's objections and lost. Ariana was back to withholding sex and it was like their life in France had been forgotten.

Lex sold their cottage for a modern home. The change in scenery helped Lex and Ariana move on from the drama of the past, but their marriage had become a sexless one. Lex brought up having a threesome or an open marriage to try and bring some excitement back into their life and Ariana was furious. She moved all of her stuff into a spare room.

58 years into their marriage, Ariana said Lex was too old to be attractive, despite being named Sydney's most attractive woman over fifty a year prior. Lex confronted Ariana about her being faithful, and Ariana admitted that she was seeing someone else. The two got a divorce. Lex Evans was now Alexandra Miller.

[miraculouscataclyyysm]

Seating plan au part 6

Short update this time also For some reason, this part contains a lot of Felix/Adrian angst...I don’t know why but its there so enjoy

Link to part 5

Once they finally get together Mari is at the Agreste mansion a lot more (not counting the time she’s there for her internship) and because of this she realises things with Adrian and Felix are a lot worse than she first thought , so she comes up with a plan, she’s secretly trying to get felix and Adrian to sort out there issues with each other without forcing them to do anything they don’t wanna do so if she’s watching a film with Felix and Adrian is in the other room practising the piano she’ll ask him to join or if she’s playing video games in felix room while felix is reading she’ll Adrian if he wants a game, basically mari thinks if she makes it so they hangout more without forcing, it happens naturally, they’ll start to tolerate each other more....unfortunately Marinette is unaware the “issue” is onesided (felix, felix is the one with the issue) so Adrian is just happy to spend time with Marinette when he’s not chat noir and that he finaly gets to spend time with felix that Dosnt involves loud sighs and harsh words, felix, on the other hand, is hating that Adrian is taking away his Mari time, one night when Mari has gone home felix snaps and says “why do you always have to have everything? You just take and take, everything has to go your way? You get everything you want, Do you want to take Marinette from me now too?” “What are you talking about Felix?” “It’s my birthday all over again, you never listen to me, you didn’t listen to me then and your not listening now, stop, just stop, you always bulldoze over everything Adrian, just leave me and Marinette alone” the next day Felix and Adrian seemed even further apart *cue concerned Mari*

During a game of hide and seak while on patrol (it was a particularly quiet night) ladybug teams up with Renard Arctique (Fox Felix) to trick chat who is currently the seeker, so Felix creates an allusion of ladybug running in the opposite direction and then they both climb onto the roof of the louvre and slip behind a pillar (this is definitely not realistic, what so ever, so just pretend it is) it takes chat a good 10 minutes to realise what happened....wich unfair, teaming up has to be cheating right? Once he finds them though he’s hit with a massive wave of jealousy...that’s his lady, his lady laughing with that sly fox, she seems so comfortable with him, there taking like she talks to him, so he runs up and tags RA a bit too hard...and sins lb and ra were sitting on the side of the louvre ra might have fallen off...lucky He's in costume and manages to land gracefully, lb gives chat and earful but chat claims it was “an accident my lady, I guess I just don’t know my own strength” Felix grones “or don’t know your own idiocy”

stormy weather 2 starts the same, (apart from none of the Alya and Nino stuff because Mari and Alya arnt friends here so be still tales the homework to Adrian himself) Chloe is typical Chloe, Mari is leaving school with Alix and Felix when she sees this, she still steps in and offers to help her study but Chloe continues being Chloe and drops the most ironic line to come out of her mouth “once a villain always a villain” Felix and Alix start laughing because how could they not and Felix says “do you actually believe that Queen Wasp” Alix-“or do you prefer anti-bug?” During all this Mari misses Aurora leaving, she’s later akumatised as stormy weather

Marinette almost being Akumatised because of a photo Alya accidentally posts on the lady blog, all thanks to Lila naturally, the night before Lila sees Marinette and Chat noir walking together and snaps a pic, the pic is dark and you can’t see Marinette's face, only the back of her head, she though it had just the right amount of mystery to cause some much needed mayhem among her classmates (it was getting a bit to chummy for her liking) as the co-runner of the lady blog she logs Into the account and drafts a post with the pic claiming to have seen chat noir and LB on a date with LB out of costume, the next day while Alya is posting she clicks the draft and posts it assuming it was something she forgot to Post, caouse ensues, the class is split arguing over the fact Alya posted the photo, claiming it was an invasion of privacy on LB and Chats behalf, and the other praising Alya for discovering the truth about there relationship, Alya insists she doesn’t have a clue where the pic came from BUT it’s still proof of LB and Chats relationship, Mari is literally boiling over in her seat and snaps “you call that proof? Firstly it’s a total creeper shot, you should be ashamed of yourself, I mean you really posted that while claiming to love ladybug and have a single shred of journalistic integrity, secondly you can’t see the girls face, all you can see is Chat talking to someone who happens to have similar hair to ladybug, it could be anyone! That could literally just be chat talking to a civilian while out on patrol” cue a smug lila “anyone like you Marinette? You do look awfully similar to the girl in the photo” *cue Marinette internally screaming* the class breaks out into more arguments over the identity of the girl, an akuma flys in threw the window, heading straight for Mari but felix (without seeing the akuma, he just has impeccable timing) squeezes her hand under the table and says “don’t let lie-la get under your skin, she’s not worth taking up so much space in your brilliant head” the akuma dose a complete u turn and goes for Alya, lady WIFI 2.0 happens and she’s after the truth behind the photo, akuma battle happens and after the fight Alya asks chat about the photo, he tells her that the photo is a massive invasion of privacy, he was having a private conversation with a very good friend of his, the person he trust almost as much as LB, Alya apologises for posing it, she deletes the photo and then puts out a statement with a message from lb and chat asking people to respect there privacy, there still real people and can talk to whoever they want with or without the mask

On a very rare occasion that felix Dosnt feel the urge to shake Adrian until he shuts up (or passes out...whatever happens first) they practice music together, when they were kids Emile had them both pick an instrument to play, Felix wanted to lern the piano but Adrian always got what he wanted so felix ended up learning the violin, he ended up loving the violin though and he always enjoyed goofing off with Adrian during practice and making up songs woth him, that’s always been one of Adrians favourite parts of music practice too, actually getting to have fun with felix, spending time woth him without feeling like felix is just waiting for a chance to leave, like he hates having to be in the same room as him, so when felix askes him if he wants to practice together he jumps at the chance

Link to part 7

Tags-

@spicybelladonna @akana-sama

[heinousactszx]

📌, ✨, 🎶, and 💎

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

I think I’ve told this story before, but Christmas 1999, my parents bought me this big package set of Pokemon yellow, a gameboy color, and a walkthrough (all 3 of which i still have). It was the first video game i ever played and I was instantly sucked in. I got that special box set of the anime VHSs soon after that and i was in for life. 

What’s funny about that story is that years later, my mom told me that she and my father saw the package in a display at the store and really hesitated on buying it. remember, this was back when pokemania was at its absolute peak, when it was debated on national news whether it was good, bad, harmless or satanic. they were a little worried about getting me hooked on something.

I guess they were justified because 20 years later i’m still playing it

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

what doesn’t draw me to pokemon, more like? the feeling of adventure? the wonderful music? the gorgeous worlds? the LORE? the amazing creatures themselves, almost all of which i adore in their own ways? Pokemon is really one of those those where almost everything about it is something I love.

speaking from a gameplay perspective, i’m really not an RPG kind of guy, but i get so into the roleplay aspect of pokemon. it’s the only game where i don’t mind grinding, because i get so absorbed into raising my pokemon. there’s also the customization aspect, which i truly believe is an enormous part of why pokemon became so popular. whatever your tastes are, you can craft the perfect team of 6 to take on your quest to be the best. I’ve played dozens and dozens or pokemon playthroughs, and not once have I ever used the same team.

🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?

there’s simply way too many amazing songs to mark any one as my favorite, to mark any 20, even. but if i must choose a single one, I’ll go with the ruby and sapphire opening theme

it may just be because i was younger at the time, but ruby and sapphire were such an enormous upgrade to the entire pokemon experience that to go back and compare it to gens I and II is practically night and day. nowhere is this more evident than the grand, sweeping score of RSE’s version of the classic intro. 

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

waterfall did NOT debut in Gen II! that’s where it became an HM, but it was originally introduced in gen I, where it was, of all things, the signature move of goldeen and seaking 

[bates--boy]

          “Hey, guys, ya boy SeaKing here, getting ready to do the Nutmeg Challenge! Yaaay! I got the ingredients ready, which is, fuck, expensive as hell. Is the demand that high? Anyway, here’s my first glass!”

          As a man who knew (by trial and error) to wait for the pot brownies to hit before trying another piece, Peter knew that he should apply the same rules to the concoction of nutmeg and homemade hot chocolate he made. 

          Or so he thought. He was patient enough to wait thirty minutes, then tried to not let it wear thin after an hour. But three hours?? So he made himself another mug, cracking open the second jar of the nutmeg (and weeping; why was it so expensive?? He’d have to go empty his wallet all over again if the trip is worth it) and guzzling it down like the animal that he is. He sprawled all over his couch, scrolling through his phone. He checked his clock, saw that yet another thirty minutes had come and gone, and, huffing, put on his oversized shades to hide his face, opened his video camera app and started recording the second footage he’ll edit into the first one. 

        “SeaKing here again. So, I said that I’d record myself tripping on nutmeg, but it’s been over three goddamn hours, and nothing! Nothing! And look how much I’ve used!” He held the jars up to the camera. “I think you motherfuckers lied to me. Or it just doesn’t work on me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

          “Anyway, I think ihavetacallthisexperissssfsffffnnnng”

          Whoa, what the hell was that? He cleared his throat and tried again, speaking louder over the static screen stretching along his entire wall.

          “Aaahm not gonnannnnmmmmtrythis a...gain. Nope. Not woorrr...!! Working.”

          He passed his lizard-like tongue over his stitched lips, tasting the slick hot chocolate. He glared at his television static wall, putting a finger to his lips and shushing. The static went silent, though still burned bright. He let his arm droop over the edge of the sofa, his fingers dipping into the thick lava. God, it was so refreshingly cool, like a summer afternoon dip into a pool. Where his hand dangled in the water, steam danced out fro its swirling and bubbling surface.

          “Sssssssss...so, yeah, not worththe, uh, the money, pfffft! Bye!”

          He tapped the red stop button and flinched as fish fluttered out of his phone’s screen. They were made out of jewels, rubies and jades and pearls. Peter dropped his phone to pluck one from the air and shoved it into his mouth, chomping down hard. He pulled his fingers out of his mouth, gazing as his fingertips cried red tears. 

          “Oh, I’m sssthorry!” He cried out, kissing his fingers and feeling their tears slick over his stitched lips. But it wasn’t his fingers that he had to apologize to. It was the rest of the fish, who, after turning and finding that one of their pearl friends was eaten, turned back around and charged at Peter, who flung himself into the lava and kicked and screamed, suffocating under the surface. Soon, more fish popped out of the static wall, bigger and uglier and angrier, angrier, the more of them poured out of the wall and thrust themselves into the water 

           “AAAAAAAAGH!” Peter screamed, his outcry carrying louder and clearer than one would expect under lava. The fish got him! They got him! And now they were sinking their teeth into his clothes, his arms, his legs, his neck, making his struggle to breathe that much worse. He swung his arms out, swallowing the lava. Help! He needed help!

          He swatted his shades off his face and shot his eyes about, looking for-- there! The little square of light in the bottom of the lava pool. Pushing the monstrous fish and the evil glowing mermaids and the gigantic squids and the sea weed with teeth out of his way, Peter swam to the beacon of light and snatched it up. With the phone in his hand, Peter let himself drift up to the surface, as one did when they went too deep into any body of water, and gasped as his head broke the surface.

          And he screamed.

         Because the lava was hot. The lava was hot! The lava was absolute hell! Even the walls around him, even the static walls that still bubbled out fish, was melting! All those grotesque sea creatures, those poor things, they were nothing but skeletons popping up to the surface, charred and cracked. And worse than the fact that Peter’s skin was bubbling as he watched, as the red tears from his fingers sizzled on the surface of the lava, was the sadness tightening his chest. He swiped down the screen and hit the Emergency Call icon and pressed the melting device to his sweating, boiling face.

          “Karlstad Police, what is your emergency?” the dog on the other line barked.

          “I--I-- ha ha ha!” Peter thought he cried, because he was soooo sad, he was in so much anguish, that his chest hurt, his chest hurt because it was sadness, right? “I think-- I think I, ha ha!”

          He grabbed at his left arm, rubbing it.

          He was just sad, right?

          He heard the dog yip out a soft curse and said, “Sir, I need you to tell me your address so we can send an ambulance over.”

          “I... It hurts! Everything hurts!” Peter guffawed! “I...” And when he sank, no, when he fell, the lava grew cooler, darker, looser, like he was free-falling into the night sky.

          “MRRREOW!”

          Peter jolted, lifting his head. The visuals hit him all too fast, from the completely totaled coffee table to one of his shoes planted in his television screen to the claw marks in his floor that led all the way to him, and his seagull trying to hide himself in his cage that provided no such safety.

        Peter should move, get up, do something about his throat that is so dry that it was constricted, or at least comfort his cat crying from in one of the rooms, but the most he could manage was a slow crawl -- “Shit!” he shouted as he fell to his side, and saw that the fingers on one of his hands was caked to hell and back with dried, coppery blood-- a one-handed slow crawl, to his phone that seemed to have made its way across the room. He picked up the thing and turned the screen over.

          Just before the battery died and the screen went black, Peter’s eyes caught the date in the upper corner.

         May 5th. Two days.

[seakclauswinkler]

Loving my new prop in lock, self protection, toy/ tool. All credits for the idea, go to Marek @padmam.sports from Serbia. I watched a few from his yt videos. Real good. The lock sling Morningstar, helicopter, propeller, I am still searching for a good name. Will be a good tool with in my self security arsenal, for everyday life, when painting, participating in Germanys social/ cultural life, etc. Germany is changing, and we must adapt. Although theses knife producer. @upknife . His work seems next level. Marek has although great wooden self security tools. Great training tools are @clantoncombatives

When I having sold my next painting I will go although on a little investment shopping spree.

#SEAK #ClausWinkler #SEAKClausWinkler #deutschland2023 #staysafe #staysafebro #intheseboulevards #dasbestedeutschlandallerzeiten #Selfprotection #artistlife #umvolkung #survivalofthefittest #Intheseicecoldstreets #Wegelagererabwehren #understandlife #fremdimeigenenLand #Bevölkerungsaustausch #mgtow #Protectyourself #Antiwhite #Innerpeace #erhebteuchalsRitter #riseanight #Feldgendarmerie #Morningstar #FrauMeierEckardtfreutsich #Messerinzidenz #tjost2023

[thoughtlessghost]

Salem ou alekoum fellow disbelievers,

I decided to write this story down because one of my friends is currently questioning Islam. She said it might be a good idea for me to share my journey to help her and others find inner peace once you have walk out of something you grew up thinking was correct. I think I will make this a 2-3 parts series depending on interest and how she deals with just part 1. There's a lot to go through, and I will try to be brief, but I do not mind elaborating on any section in the comments or private. I am very open and confident about who and what I am. Finally, I want to have at least one part dedicated to my current worldview with the hopes of helping you guys create your moral landscape.

Finally, I would like to complete this preface by saying that I know that we all have personal reasons for leaving a Religion. Some of you have left the faith because you felt as though it was too controlling; others may have felt that God was simply too cruel. I will say that in the end, those were not the deciding factors for me. In my view, only Truth matters. Therefore, for me to stop believing in a concept, it merely has to be proven untrue, whether scientifically or logically. So my journey of leaving Islam did not originate because I had problems with its takes on the world. They occurred in large part because I feel as though Islam is inconsistent with our understanding of the natural world. Given the purpose of writing this is to help people, and that most people don't make decisions based on logic, I will try and emphasize how events and not thoughts affected my worldview to help illustrate how and when the transition occurred.

1. Humble beginnings: I know everybody has a different upbringing, so I would like to give you guys some context of how familiar I was with Islam growing up as a child (4-12). For starters, I am the eldest son of first-generation Algerian immigrants to Canada. This is just to tell you I'm brown, and I went to a school surrounded by non-muslims. In school, I was a troublemaker. I was basically this brainy kid who cared so little of rules and norms that I was almost transferred to this school for a learning disability. In response, my dad would beat the shit out of me every day for not being an obedient student despite my grades being decent (during that period B to B+). Despite his sincerest efforts, I never learned or changed. I'm only saying this because it made Arabic school impossible for my parents to manage since I simply refused to do my regular homework from school. My thinking was something like this: "What's the point of going to ANOTHER school on the weekend and spend all of my time off doing pointless alphabetical exercises in a language no one other than my parents spoke?" This, in turn, limited my exposure to Islam since I didn't interact with other Muslim kids. Finally, my parents bestowed upon me few Islamic teachings or practices. For instance, I fasted, I didn't eat pepperoni pizza, I was a relatively good kid, and I knew of prayer. Still, it wasn't something we did in our household. So I basically ended up with the same amount of knowledge of Islam and Arabic as Mohammed did when he was visited by Gabriel.

2. The quest begins: By the time I reached 14, I began to change mentally (One would only hope). I had stopped being this rebellious kid and became a book worm. I read encyclopedias, watched documentaries, binged read Wikipedia and genuinely wanted to learn everything the world had to offer. Therefore, religion seemed like the next logical step. Another reason that pushed me to that position is my first adolescent trip to Algeria. It was the first time I had truly been exposed to Islam, and I felt like I got a good whiff of what it meant to be a Muslim. And so, I decided I had now come of age and was of sufficient maturity to read the Quran and become a proper Muslim. I purchased a translated version of the Holy Book and waited until nightfall to open it. I vividly remember the mindset I put myself in before opening the book. I told myself the following things:

1. Bismillah. (YAH BOY) 2. I am about to read a book written by a being that is not human. (how fucking cool is that?!) 3. It is a book of ultimate and limitless knowledge and is the literal word of God.   4. It will guide me now and forever, for it is a timeless work meant to guide all of humanity.

By the time I made it halfway through Al-Baqarah, the second chapter of the book, I was mortified. For whatever reason, God presented himself as a terrifying merciless being. So many verses spoke about how powerful God was, and for some reason, it felt weird to me. It's almost like Bill Gates flaunting billions at a homeless person or a fisherman trying to shame a fish on how it cant breathe once it's out of water. I also felt as though too many verses spoke about eternal damnation instead of collective upbringing. In essence, it wasn't the book I expected. I was hoping for the key to save my soul and help humanity. All that ran through my head was that I was unworthy and had to dedicate myself or else face the consequences. But I persevered. Over the next few days, I kept reading while trying to keep an open mind, but I was definitely feeling perplexed. What I could not wrap my head around was the following: If God can indeed do anything, why can't he have a son?  Like all this talk about how Powerful he is, but he can't have a son?

It was around this time I started to explore other religions. However, there were so many religions that existed that it would take an eternity to study and contemplate every single one. So I elaborated the following shortcuts:

1. I skipped Judaism because a "true" faith can't have fewer subscribers than the city of New York. That also threw a bunch of other religions out the window. In my view, a Divine being should do a good job of spreading his work even if he has to do it remotely. 2. I skipped polytheistic religions like Hinduism because multiple Gods seemed odd to me. 3. Buddhism didn't have a deity, can we, therefore, call it a religion?

By that flawless logic (lol), I thought that Christianity was likely to be the One True Faith. But there were inconsistencies. For starters, the faith had multiple subdivisions and multiple versions given the Bible was written after the life of Jesus. Suffice to say, I agreed with most Muslim criticisms towards Christianity's essence manipulated by men. If Christianity is the real deal, then God would have cared a little more. As a side note to my thinking, the book of Narnia really helped me appreciate Christianity. It portrayed a more merciful caring version of God that wanted what was best for his disciples and all that existed. Yet the feeling of a merciful and just God was simply not sufficient to make me convert.

And so I started to think about atheism. However, I could still feel the presence of God. In the end, I just felt discouraged. I wrapped my head around the whole thing when I realized there was a possibility I was simply too immature to understand Islam or the Quran. So, in the end, I decided to postpone my immersion in the faith until later.

3. I committed: By the time I reached 16, I had started rereading the Quran, which actually flowed better this time around. I was relieved to know that my 14-year-old self was simply too childish. Eventually, I stumbled upon a verse akin to the following: Oh, Believers look into the world, and you shall see evidence of Islam. It felt as though God challenged me to learn science and search for proof of his existence in the natural world. And so, I did.

So one thing that occurred to me growing up is that I wanted to learn everything. By the time I reached 12, I thought to myself that if I knew every word in the dictionary, I would end up knowing everything. But the dictionary was dull. So, I decided that if I know how all things came about by reading history, then I would end up knowing everything. So when I read that verse that said learn science, I was ecstatic.  I just doubled down on my readings and started to focus more on scientific theories. I read about physics and the origin of the universe. I read on chemistry and the nature of matter and atomic bonds. By the time I reached biology, Darwinism quickly became very problematic. I thought really long and hard about how to counter it. I started to read into Intelligent Design and watched Islamic Scholars debate atheists. Still, it didn't make sense to me since the evidence for evolution was just overwhelming.

I voiced some of my concerns to a Muslim friend of mine in High School, and we had this long-winded conversation in which he convinced me he was right. I wish I remembered exactly what he said, but I remember him instilling upon me enough doubt to make me not drop the faith. Following that conversation, I decided it was time to commit to Islam finally. Here are a few things I started to do: 1. I started praying 5-7 times per day. 2. I read the Quran. 3. I would watch videos daily on what it meant to be a Muslim and how I can improve on my practice. 4. I would fast every once a while. 5. I went to the mosque whenever I could since it was far from where I lived. 6. I even helped start our prayer group in High School. In that group, we would all sit and eat together. We shared food, laughter and drinks. We were a brotherhood through and through, and for a time, it was good.

Reflecting on this period, I was one standard deviation from being in a CIA hit list. I literally messaged Benjamin Netanyahu on YT, encouraging him to stop his occupation of Palestine and to seak a peaceful approach when engaging with my brothers and sisters. Despite these friendly messages, some darker thoughts flowed through me. So I will say that there definitely is some credence to the idea that the more radical a Muslim is, the more you should worry about him, especially if he is a dude.

So when I say I genuinely believed 100% of what the Quran said, I really did. Some people will say: "Well, yea, I also used to be that way too." Well, I think I took it to another degree. For instance, when I used to walk, I would think to myself there are two people next to me—these immortal, holy beings made of light were sent by God to watch over my every move. I must, therefore, walk and behave in the utmost perfect ways to not only impress them but also uphold my honour. I was 16. 

4.The Masturbation/sleep problem:

Now I'm going to say that the period mentioned above lasted about 6 months. During this period, despite my holier than thou behaviour, I was still a man, and I had urges dawg. Every once in awhile, i.e, once a week, I would lament hypothetically at my hypocrisy. Repression creates obsession; truer words have never been spoken. The more I fought my urges not to masturbate, THE MORE I HAD TO. I created this whole inner mathematical system based on the number 19 since its a particular Islamic number. Basically, I would only masturbate around times when I could calculate 19. To me, it meant God approved of my addiction. I ended up using the time since my alarm clock was next to me. Its such warped logic don't look too much into it for when there is a will there is a way and I can get creative. Here are a few noteworthy examples:

1.Its 1:09 AM. Shit that's 19 to me since all you have to do is ignore the 0, and you have 19. 2. Its 1:45 AM. You guessed it 19. 3.7:00 PM. 19. 4. 12:07 PM. Unzip. 5. 12:17. PM shit, that's 19 too. 12+(1 times 7). Guess its Time for round 2.   6. 12:35 PM. FUCK I have to again you see 1+2+35=38, which is 19 times 2. EYYYY

[Insert COOMER MEME.]

To get over this dissonance, the Devil was responsible for these intrusive thoughts. I was a holy man of God, after all. But the voice that told me to unzip my pants and wax my carrot was the EXACT same voice that told me to go bed when I didn't want too. In the end, I knew deep down temptation doesn't come from the Devil. It comes from me. I decide what I do with my life, not some off-world entity. Keep in mind for later its just this thing I noticed. The Mosque event: So the day started like any other Friday prayer. The Imam began to speak about how God has no equal. He went on about how great and awesome of a sky Chad he was. He said that although he had no equal, there was another being that was insanely powerful as well. My eyes lit up, for I loved Islamic lore. He said that among non-God entities, the strongest was Gabriel. Eventually, he went on to say how to associate any other thing to God's power was literally the worst crime a human could commit. Shirk was worse than murder, he said. It literally guarantees you a trip to Hell.

And so given that I was human when I am told not to think about something, I immediately start to think about it. So I began to think well what if Gabriel stood up to God. I do not know what came over me but I got a literal panic attack from this. [Insert meme it was at this moment he knew he fucked up]

As the Imam had so eloquently put it to associate anything to God, you just committed the worst sin ever. I kept trying to tell myself not to think about it. Still, it just kept repeating it over and over again despite my sincerest efforts. I legit left the mosque and went back home and prayed all night, hoping God would forgive me.

The next morning was wild. I was basically schizophrenic since I kept thinking God was going to smite me for I have sinned. Crossing the street was so hard since I felt God would turn a car invisible and run me over or would simply kill me there where I stood. I lived in utter fear since I felt as though I had a bounty on my head. The inner world that I worked so hard to create had fallen apart from stupid, intrusive, thoughts. How the mighty have fallen.

5.Rethinking the Conspiracies:

A few days later, I started to rethink everything inside my head once I started to calm down. I felt as though my fears were way too irrational for the type of person I usually am and that I could not regain my sanity by thinking I was unworthy. I just simply had to work my way back up to the top fam.

During this time, I also began to rethink my understanding of the political world. For starters, as far back as I can remember, I have always been anti-authority. I believed in political realism, and so large corporations or governments always used their powers to oppress others. And so, what began as a soft-hearted liberal who thought 911 was an inside job turned into a cult of devil worshippers who rule the world and are trying to get us into the End Times.

This political worldview of a small elite who use the Devil to gain off-world power was further validated my understanding of Islam. In my view, the END WAS NEAR. Eventually, people took my ideas and thoughts in High School, and it became its own thing. Just to give you context on the time here, but it was when Lady Gaga dropped Bad Romance, and Kanye West and Jay-Z dropped Watch The Throne. We would analyze the videos and look for satanic imagery, but I always felt like that was a tad bit too far. Why are they being so apparent about something that's supposed to be secret? Predictive-Programming can only go so far after all. I began to pushback on this worldview, and I went so far back that Islam was caught in the cross-fire.

This turned into a three-month-long journey. I started by revisiting natural selection, and I realized that I duped myself. I just did not understand natural selection well enough to defend my position 6 months ago. I read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I binged watched George Carlin, and he really helped me overcome any anxiety I had towards leaving my faith because, like him, I really did want to believe in a deity, but I started to realize all of the inconsistencies. [I will elaborate more on this in a later part]

5. The social consequences: By the time I left my faith, I was open about it. I have always been vocal about what I believe in, and I simply told all of my prayer brothers why I stopped going to prayer. Needless to say, they weren't pleased about it. Unlike Elementary School and as a result of our immigration policies, High School had more Muslims in it, and many hated or criticized me for questioning the faith. As time went on, they became more toxic and vicious in their opposition, and so I called them out on their shit. I told them that I am on a journey like each and every one of them, and if they don't want to talk to me anymore, I would not care, and if they wanted to fight me, then bring it on. It was the last time any of them said anything to my face that was negative. Some of them never spoke to me again, some spoke to me less. I respected their choice and moved on; whether they respected mine mattered not. All that I cared about was that I felt that I was moving forward in my life. Eventually, the Muslim prayer group fell apart, and everything went back to normal in my High School.

Now, all of what I wrote happened about 10 years ago, and despite standing up to my fellow peers, I still haven't mustered up the courage to tell my parents. Honestly, I'm glad I still haven't. To this day, I have a good relationship with them, and they are far more religious now than they were. It seems like an egregiously unnecessary thing to do that will not only sour my relationship with them but also with their future grandkids. That just seems too selfish for my liking despite my usual vocal tendencies.

End of part 1.