#my ED was very much so a control thing and I hate that I'm out if control

[wheelie-sick]

me: I'm going to recover from my addiction, this is going to be so great for me, this will improve my mental health in the long run

my old, recovered ED: hi! 💖💕 I think now is the time you need me back in your life

[saltpepperbeard]

OBLIGATORY COMPLETE OFMD SEASON 2 TEASER THOUGHTS AND SPECULATION POST™

Okay, to start off, I cannot BELIEVE we got this. I cannot BELIEVE we got a voiceover of Stede's note to Ed. We were all thinking it. We were all hoping for it. I CANNOT BELIEVE WE LEGITIMATELY GOT TO SEE AND HEAR HIS LOVE RIGHT OFF THE BAT. HE LOVES HIS ED SO SO MUCH.

Followed by this shot right as Stede is narrating. It's difficult to tell, but it seems like Ed??? The one-armed jacket and the fact that it's layered with Stede's narration makes me quite certain it's him. But ALONE??? AND COMING OUT OF THE SURF??? (There's a shot later that has me PARTICULARLY raising eyebrows at this moment. I'm thinking that he fell off the boat/was lost in that one storm shown later, and Stede of course is going to dive in after him or attempt to get to him in some sort of dramatic way. Which makes me think he and Stede are going to potentially talk feelings/reconcile on the beach)

And the fight choreography of this. Are you actually kidding me right now. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. GETTING TO SEE ED ABSOLUTELY KICKING ASS IN COMBAT??? NEVER IN A THOUSAND YEARS DID I EXPECT TO SEE A SHOT LIKE THIS BUT I'M HOLLERING SO HARD OVER IT (NOT TO MENTION, AGAIN, LOOKING AT THIS AND A LATER SHOT..........I'LL SCREAM ABOUT MY THOUGHTS WHEN SAID SHOT APPEARS HSKDLS)

Oh, they're PINING pining. They're YEARNING yearning. They're GAY gay.

They want to be back with each other so so so bad I'm losing my mind <3

"Fuck you, Stede Bonnet." The way he's JUST as dramatic as we were all thinking. The way he's hurting in a way WE ALL ANTICIPATED. LIKE, YOU HATE TO SEE IT, BUT MAN DSJKLDSSDKL. Also, the contrast of him saying that vs Stede's voice over is so so insane. The editors are INSANE FOR THAT ONE.

AGAIN, GOING BONKERS OVER ED'S CHARACTERIZATION BECAUSE HE SEEMS EXACTLY HOW I ANTICIPATED. Outwardly, angry, hardened, and cold. Inwardly, heartbroken, desperate, and wanting nothing more than to be back with Stede. Because hello, HELLO, HE'S NOTCHED WHAT I ASSUME TO BE HIS NUMBER OF DAYS WITHOUT STEDE IN THE WALL??????

HI OLU HELLO OLU MY DEAR DARLING OLU

but also screaming and crying and throwing up because this is ALSO what i was anticipating/hoping for. the crew being like "ummmmm lmao captain?? you really think you've got this under control???"

"You think Blackbeard's going to murder you?" I THINK NOT BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EVEN SHOOTING AT JSLDKS. OFF TO THE SIDE??? A WARNING SHOT????? Also the lighting of this and his look matches the ending shot so I'm very eyes emoji at this entire thing.

HOWEVER...

"MURDERER THRICE OVER?????????????"

Like sorry, that sign won't stop me because I can't read. Look at him. LOOK at him. You're telling me he stole the wedding cake toppers so he could PAINT HIMSELF ON THE BRIDE??? SO HE COULD MAKE HIMSELF INTO THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE HE WANTS TO BE????? SO THAT HE COULD PLAY PRETEND MARRIAGE BETWEEN HIMSELF AND STEDE???????

INSANE!!!

INSANE FOR THIS!!!!!!

Again, bonkers editing. The split screen. The CONTRAST between Stede's hopefulness and Ed's depression. The WAY THEY LINED IT UP TO MAKE ED LOOK LIKE HE'S TAKING AIM AT STEDE. THE WAY THIS PROBABLY PERFECTLY ENCAPSULATES THEIR CHARACTERIZATION IN THE FIRST FEW EPISODES HSDJKLSDS LIKE BITING THE EDITORS BITING THEM BITING THEM

ALSO ED AND ALL OF HIS GUNS,,, NINE GUNS???????

It kills me because he's probably being exactly what he thinks people see him as. He's probably like "Oh, you want a monster? I'll give you a monster."

WHICH,,,, NO, HONEY. YOU'RE A SWEETHEART, SORRY ABOUT IT.

AND THEN LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT OUR DARLINGS!!! FANG'S FUCKING SPIKES ARE SO METAL. FRENCHIE'S WOLVERINE COSPLAY SHDJKLSHDLKS. JIM!!! JIM JIM MY BELOVED JIM, AND THEIR PAINTED BEARD. THEIR GENDER!!!!!!!

Honey hsdksjds the drama of it all. THE DRAMA. CRASHING WEDDINGS TO DISRUPT LOVE BECAUSE YOUR OWN WAS DISRUPTED??? SIIIIIIRRRR THE THEATRICS, THE SPICE OF IT ALL

excuse me ma'am that is a gay man shdkjshkls THAT IS A GAY MAN. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING,,,

kiss me instead like wtf

OKAY NOW THIS,,,

THIS.

PRESIDENTIAL ALERT: THE BABYGIRL IS FIGHHHTTTTIIIING

BUT IZZY WATCHING ON??? IZZY????????????

I have Genuine Thoughts™ about this. I have a feeling that the big arc/character development Con mentioned might pertain to him like, REALIZING what's important, and what Ed actually wants and needs. And a good chunk of that will be him realizing the consequences of his actions, and maybe potentially wanting to undo the damage. And also, in his Bitchy Izzy Ways™, he might also get very very tired of Ed's sulking/theatrics and want to rectify things for that reason too.

So I feel like he's going to sort of team up with Stede and show him the ropes for that reason?? So they ALL can work towards betterment???

WHICH IS NUTS LMAO. NEVER EVER EXPECTED THAT.

REGARDLESS, GO STEDE BABY GO!!!

HI REVENGE HELLO REVENGE PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE EXPLODE OR ANYTHING PLEASE BABYGIRL <3

yeah yeah the titties we've all seen them.

BUT AGAIN, AGAIN, STEDE OFF TO THE SIDE. STEDE WATCHING. STEDE LEARNING THE ROPES FROM THE MOST UNEXPECTED PERSON EVER SHDJKSDS LIKE WHAT!!!

AND HEEEEEEERE WE GO. HERE'S THE SHOT I WAS REFERRING TO EARLIER.

THE SAME BLACK SAND BEACH. FIGHTING THE BRITISH. ED AND STEDE. ED WITHOUT HIS MAKEUP ON. STEDE IN A DIFFERENT OUTFIT.

ARE THEY BOTH,,, FIGHTING TO GET TO EACH OTHER??? FIGHTING THROUGH CROWDS AND ENEMIES TO GET TO EACH OTHER'S SIDES???????

WHAT IF THEY FIGHT TO EACH OTHER AND THEN KISS HUH???

WHAT THEN.

HIIIIIIYYYAAAA JACKIE <33333

ALSO HELLO IS THAT THE SWEDE BEHIND HER???????

EXPLOSIONS FIRE EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS FEELING VERY WEE JOHN CODED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

AND THIS IS YET ANOTHER SHOT I WAS REFERRING TO EARLIER,,,

LIKE UHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WITH ED ON THE BEACH, AND THIS SHOT OF SOMEONE FALLING INTO THE WATER,,,,,,

I HAVE A FEELING THAT ED IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT ENDS WITH HIM FALLING OFF THE BOAT. MAYBE HE TRIES TO SAVE SOMEONE???

if he fights to save stede from going overboard or something equivalent i'm going to eat all the tiles off my floor <3

LIKE IT'S BAD BESTIES. IT'S BAD. IT'S DIRE. THE WATER IS SO FUCKING HIGH AND THEY'RE IN A STORM AND JIM IS SCREAMING AND I AM ALSO SCREAMING!!!

But then also, LOOK AT FUCKING WEE JOHN!!! IN DRAG!!! HE'S A FUCKING MERMAID!!! JIM ISN'T A MERMAID???? WELL, THAT'S FINE--WEE JOHN IS!!! LIVING HIS BEST FUCKING LIFE!!!!! AND WHAT IF HE MADE THAT COSTUME HIMSELF SJDKSDJLS <3

AND THE FINAL SHOT I'M CHOOSING, THE FINAL ONE OF THE SET,,, MATCHES UP WITH THAT LIGHTING EARLIER.

WHO ARE WE FIGHTING, ED BABE. WHAT'S THE TEA. WHO ARE YOU CLOBBERING.

IS IT US?

IT'S PROBABLY US.

BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE THING HAS ME SO SO SO DEAD Y'ALL

[rainbluealoekitten]

this is definitely not a witchcraft blog but regardless i do participate occasionally with online witchy theatrics and i have an opinion i'd like to share.

there's too much pressure on learning the basics and not enough resources that teach damage-control.

this is in relation to fear-mongering discourse, bc almost every witchy "content creator" (hate that term) and almost every witchy book, podcast, whatever, seems to put a focus on protecting yourself, putting up wards, easy peasy baby beginner witchcraft. which! yes, that is important, but it also means that it perpetuates the idea (and often full out says) that you should never do blood magic. you should never talk to these entities. you should never make bargains, you should never do divination without cleansing, you should never curse, bla bla bla don't go outside at night!! it's spooky!!!

great, now we've got a bunch of witches who are scared shitless and won't actually do anything beyond blow cinnamon through their front door.

there are a lot of people who claim to be teachers, but a good teacher is someone who pushes you. not someone who limits you.

some witches love to tell you to fuck around and find out, but again, only provide resources on warding. we've got witches who ward so much that they can't even get friendly spirits to talk to them. banishment is seen as a basic skill, but if everyone is too scared to practice their craft, they're not going to even end up with an entity to banish!

i'm starting to ramble, but my point is that i want to see more content, more books, more generalised resources that teach you how to unfuck a situation. not prevent it, unfuck it.

you did blood magic? great, it's not always going to work out, here's how to unbind yourself from this entity, now you know to do this slightly differently. you've done a curse and it's backfired? don't panic, these are some ideas on how you can undo your spell, and next time you might want to choose your words/ingredients more carefully. you wandered into the wrong part of the woods and upset some ancient spirits? it's more common than you think! luckily, there are plenty of ways to go about this situation.

etc etc. people do dumb shit. that is part of life. just like with sex ed, teens aren't going to abstinate, they're going to be too scared to go to an adult when they get an sti.

yes, some practitioners will basically stop practicing out of fear of doing things wrong, and many others will do things wrong and end up entirely alone, scared, and with no resource that can guide them out of it, all because you should have known better, you should have warded, you should have stuck your head in a fucking hole.

anyways. this is the end of my rant but i hope it also comes off as encouragement to anyone who is in some way sharing their practice and sharing resources, especially the much wiser witches who have fucked around, please share what you've learnt. <— i'm asking this in a very sincere, very hopeful way, i really wish it was normalised to share spells and prayers and basic actions to help witches through really tough times.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

The shorter version: Hey could you talk about stone tops more? Or anything like that, people who like giving but not recieving?

The longer version: I’m sort of going through that process of self discovery, I’ve been meaning to ask about it somehow- basically I am sexually attracted to people (I think??), I get aroused, I enjoy masturbating, even talking with my partner about stuff we could do is arousing to me. I enjoy some submissive kinky stuff. Hell, my boyfriend (transmasc, both of us are) recently let me go down on him and it was like a fucking religious experience, I LOVED it, but I find it really difficult to enjoy anything being done directly to /my/ genitals. Like, I can feel the sensations, and they feel good, but I don’t build any arousal, like I can’t get in the mood? I know I’m not, but I do feel fucked up and broken. Spiritually, I want my boyfriend to rail me into next week, but physically I’m afraid there’s like. Something wrong with me, like,, I don’t work??? Idk. I’ve got major anxiety, I’ve got dysphoria, I guess I always figured it was one of those things. There’s only so many times I can feel Way Too Seen by fanfiction about Noted Asexual, Archivist Jonathan Sims before I start to wonder what exactly they’ve hit directly on the head, if that makes sense. I’m not asking you to Diagnose Me Asexual lmaoo but I was wondering about more like… asexual adjacent things? My boyfriend suggested I look into “service top” too. I… don’t feel like a top? I’m very submissive. But I’ve heard it’s not always top= dom, bottom=sub… how can I be a submissive top?

Sorry this is… so much. It’s really been weighing on me. Even if you don’t feel up to answering this I thank you profusely for the sex ed content you’ve been posting lately. Demystifying sex and promoting sexual health is so incredibly important, and even just what I’ve read from you makes a difference in the agency I feel over my sex life.

hi anon,

weeeeeee!!! this is a fun one.

so, first off, I'm just gonna throw this out there: liking the idea of something - for instance, your boyfriend railing you into next week - is not an innate sign that that's something you'd like in real life. I'll jack off to the idea of getting railed like Thomas the Tank Engine, sure, but in real life vaginal penetration has never felt like much of anything to me + I haaaaAAAAaaaate the idea of doing anything with even a teeny tiny slight chance of getting me pregnant. some stuff is fine to stay in the brain!

if you do ever decide to tentatively explore it with your bf, that's also fine and wonderful, but let's focus on what we know about your likes right now. you don't want to get fucked (awesome) but you like going down (also awesome). none of that means you are or aren't asexual, btw, there are loads of asexuals in the world who love to get railed and hate going down and also feel every possible way about every other possible array of sex acts. you're only asexual if you want to be, keep that in mind.

you're also only stone or a service top or whatever else if you want to be. words exist to be useful, not as an innate ontological truth to discover within yourself. personally I think it's waaaaay more important for people to refine their sense of likes, dislikes, communication, and boundary-setting than finding the exact right word for their particular cup of tea.

as long as we're talking about terminology, let's get into dom/sub and top/bottom. you're absolutely correct that they're not interchangeable, whatever the hooligans on various hellsites would have you believe. dom and sub are terms for power exchange play, when two people enact a power differential in which one partner is consensually given a great deal of control over the other, be it physically, psychologically, financially, or what have you. top/bottom simply refer to who is acting vs who is being acted upon during a sexual act; while some people identify intensely as either a top or a bottom, it's also a simple matter for those roles to switch on a dime depending on what kind of sex you're into. it's completely possible to have sex without designating anyone the top or bottom, and I'd argue that most people have sex without there actually being a dom or sub involved.

so can dom bottom, or a sub top? of course; people can mix and match whatever pieces of sexuality they want in their own explorations. a dom can boss their sub around like a little servant, giving them extremely detailed instructions about exactly how to rail them, and perhaps punish them (in the fun consensual way, obviously) if they fail to meet those expectations and don't get their dom off the way that was wanted. you can, and I cannot possibly emphasize this enough, do whatever you want forever.

a service top, incidentally, is generally considered a separate thing from a dom (which is not to say they can't overlap!) in that a service top isn't always dominating, but is topping because they enjoy getting their partner off in whatever way they like. the overlap of service tops and folks who are stone is notable!

in your particular case I would recommend not worrying so much about which of these terms, if any, are the correct one for you and focus way ore on exploring and playing with your partner to find a rhythm that works well for the two of you. doms, subs, tops, and bottoms all have something useful to teach people about how they like intimacy, but there's no rush to figure out which category, if any, you fit in. just focus on what's fun and feels good to you and toss the rest.

[pheavampire]

Astarion, Cazador and D&D vampire lore

Let’s talk about D&D vampires and some lore inconsistencies in Baldur’s Gate 3.

BG3 is not a game about vampires. It was obvious we won’t get a playable character who will be 100% vampire spawn from the handbooks - the mechanical balance would be disturbed in comparison with other characters. But we can list some weird stuff and missing aspects. For fun, for fanfiction, for nerdiness.

I still wonder why Cazador even asked Astarion if he wants to be turned. Sure, he could do that, so he could say later „ha ha you asked for it!” but still - weird. Anyway, a vampire lord doesn’t need to ask - he just bites his victim, kills it by drinking its blood and boom, a vampire spawn is made. Almost made…

… because at first the victim needs to be buried and layed in the ground before it rises. That’s the next question - how the hell did Cazador make 7000 spawns? Theoretically he needed to bury them all, dig them back/wait until they dig themselves out or something and transport them to his dungeon without being noticed. His servants could do that for him, but it still is a pretty big thing to cover. Besides…

… accordng to D&D 3.5 edition: "At any given time a vampire may have enslaved spawn totaling no more than twice its own Hit Dice" which means it was impossible for Cazador to create 7000 spawns. Sure, Baldur's Gate 3 uses 5 ed rules, but I'm sure they didn't change this one that much. (BUT! We can interpret this rule as: a vampire lord can create as many spawns as he wants, but the number of enslaved ones is limited. That's all right in this case).

That being said, Astarion is surprised when he discovers that all Cazador’s victims are spawns now. One of his dialogue options is „I thought Cazador was feeding on you”. Well yes, he had to feed on them to make them spawns Astarion, I thought you noticed that yourself 200 years ago. But let's say I understand your confusion, 7000 spawns mean Cazador's hit dice is 3500. Lol.

As a vampire spawn, Astarion should be able to regenerate even without biting someone. To be precise, he should get 10 health points at the start of every turn until he gets killed. But ok, this one doesn’t work in the sun, so let’s say it’s justified… unless the party is in the underdark, shadowlands or other dark place. But yeah, that would be too OP.

Astarion should be afraid of holy symbols, mirrors and garlic. That would be quite irritating, as he wouldn’t be able to even get near Selune's stuff or Lathander’s temple (Lathander HATES the undead, just ask poor Jander Sunstar). But let’s say the tadpole gave him immunity.

Spider climb. Imagine Astarion climbing walls or even ceilings like a damn Spiderman - this is what a regular vampire spawn can do. If the tadpole took away this ability, that’s not very nice of it.

Claws. Astarion should be able to transform his fingers into claws at will. That’s right, it works like another melee weapon.

Coffins, graves et cetera - bunk beds in Cazador's palace are a very anti-canon idea. Because D&D vampires have really traditional weaknesses, they always have to „sleep” in the ground they were buried in to recover - just like Cazador. Jander I mentioned earlier invented an un-lifehack, as he was traveling through Faerun by keeping some of the dirt from his grave in his pocket. He was scattering it in the place he wanted to rest for some time.

A vampire spawn can be controlled or banished by clerics like any other undead. That's right, when Shadowheart casts this one, Astarion should roll the dice, or else he will have to run away from her like those zombies you banished during your playthrough.

Last but not least, vampires get damage if they are in the flowing water, for example river, but you already know this one from the early access Astarion. Shame they removed it, in was a bit irritating but I loved it. It reminded me Astarion is a vampire not only in the dialogues.

That's all I can think of now. My knowledge is a mix of 3.5 and 5 ed, do with it what you want. I wouldn't mind more lore accuarte Astarion fanfics though.

Shocked Astarion reading D&D Monster Manual. Or Libris Mortis.

[sashabunnie]

Hi! I apologize for not posting recently despite having a resurgence in wanting to draw. I've recently gotten a new art program and am still trying to figure out how to use it. In the meantime I'd like to discuss a topic I find important to talk about.

I recently received a question in my inbox. I found it rude and decided to delete and block the person. But now I'm realizing I could use this comment to educate those not in the art field on this subject, specifically about how proportions and different body types are taught to be drawn. I'll paraphrase the comment received:

"It's funny how you're fat but you draw yourself skinny, it's hilarious."

Yup that's the basis of what the comment was. I could tell from this comment that a) they're trying to be rude and mean and b) they at least don't draw humans and at most have no idea how to draw period.

Now you may be asking, how does this comment lead to an educational moment? I'm glad you asked.

I've been drawing since I can remember, and I only took a few art classes in middle school and highschool. Other than that I'm almost completely self taught and often took my inspiration from cartoons.

I also grew up in a much larger body than a good portion of my peers. I had binge e@ting disorder. This was caused by growing up in a poor family. I was taught to eat whatever I was offered(unless it was by a total stranger). I was also taught at school to inhale my food starting from kindergarten as we only got 15 minutes to eat and 15 minutes to play, if we went over the 15 minutes to eat we weren't allowed to play. Anyways this conditioned me to have BED.

Being overweight as a child was torture. Just like any ED it's very hard to control and even harder to spot in a child. I went untreated until I was 19. I'm a lot better now but sadly my stomach is now partially paralyzed.

Now like I said, growing up fat was extremely difficult, seeing others in my life who were skinnier than I, seeing all the cartoon shows on TV with the pretty skinny ladies and bulked up men, or even lanky men. And sure there were fat people in cartoons, but they're often portrayed as these lazy, stupid, people or they're middle aged with greying or thinning hair, in a mobility scooter, who are also portrayed as stupid and lazy.

I never saw a true representation of myself in cartoons. I never saw a plump nine year old with dreams to become a ballerina or baseball player, I never saw a bigger girl who exceeded in every class who wanted to become a paleontologist. All I saw were people making jokes about the fat character, how dumb and lazy they were.

But to me, I was never lazy or stupid. And when I started drawing myself I did so as a beautiful young person who was smart, clever, and always taken seriously. It was my escape from this world of hate.

Then I started taking art classes in middle school and highschool. They taught very basic anatomy in drawing, such as "this is how long your arm should be" and "the hand should be able to cover the face", just teaching proportions. But here's the catch, they hardly taught anything more than an hourglass shaped body for females and a rectangle shape for men.

In fact if we tried to explore more or less body shaped, whether it was a flat chested female, a dad bod male or vice versa, it was met with severe criticism.

Now over the years I've learned how to draw different body shapes and sizes better than I have in the past. And I have worked greatly to improve my self image and that a bit of extra fat here or there won't be the end all be all.

However that's not to say that I still have a hard time drawing myself as big as I see myself irl. The ED that warped from BED to OSFED in my teen years still yells at me from my mirror, telling me how ugly I am for being in a bigger body. People have told me several times that I'm not as big as the mirror says I am, which is true.

I may be in a bigger body but it's not to a point where my weight is affecting my health. The only real thing affecting my health are a slew of genetic disorders that I cannot control.

Just to conclude, just because someone draws themselves as bigger or smaller does not mean that they're delusional. It's just how they draw themselves.

Just be kind and non judgemental. You don't know what that person has been through and honestly it's not really your business unless it's a threat to safety, theirs or others.

And if you don't like what you see, scroll, it's not your place to get upset over something as small as someone drawing themselves in a different light than your perspective.

Love y'all!

(Picture of my gravity falls x the owl house OC for y'all)

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has helped me in so many ways. I will forever be grateful for the creation of this character. He quite literally means the world to me right now.

(TW: ED/Depression/Suicide attempt mention)

I've always struggled with food. Well, not always. But at the end of middle school (more or less. Give or take. Age 12/13) I became obsessed with what I ate. I still don't know exactly how it started, but I think it has always been a mix of my need to control my life when it's crumbling down and the necessity to look skinny (both things are my mother's fault, mostly. And also lots of things going on at the moment). So I started skipping meals constantly and throwing away food and throwing up. Not gonna get into details, but it ruined my life without anybody knowing until a huge depressive episode came and then I tried to off myself, yadda yadda yadda. Then I just stopped eating food and my meals every day were basically a monster and gum and maybe a piece of fruit. I couldn't even drink milk without crying. Then it got a bit better. Then a bit worse. It wasn't very consistent. And then I started doing exercise but that only made me even more obsessed with calorie intake and healthy food and I still can't drink milk or bread without at least feeling awful about it.

And then I watched One Piece.

I know it sounds extremely silly and dumb, but it has helped me in so many ways. I'm not gonna get into all the things it has done for me, because then I'd have to talk about Robin, Nami, Luffy, Pudding and Buggy which are, like, the characters that have helped me the most next to Sanji, and I would not finish this post.

But Sanji is just so, so important to me.

He speaks about food with such passion. His whole thing about not wasting food literally comes from an experience of starvation and because of the sacrifice his father made for him. He keeps saying he refuses to let people go hungry, no matter what. That we all deserve to eat. He relates food to love and cooking is his whole life. It kind of started as a joke when my brother said "nooo, now you can't waste food because Sanji would be sad" and I- That day I literally ate wayyy more than usual with that thought in mind. And I didn't feel bad afterward for once. And he's just- He just makes me feel so comfortable around food. Which is the normal amount of comfort somebody should have and sometimes it's not even that, but it helps. It helps so much.

Then his whole thing with Germa and the Vinsmokes. It killed me. My relationship with my mother is, uh, you can call it complicated but I fucking hate her so. Yeah. And Sanji's story about rejecting his blood relatives and finding better people who will love him hit so close to home. Him being different. Weak. More emotional. A good person. Sanji refusing to use the name Vinsmoke. It's my whole life. Sanji self-sabotaging himself all the time and constantly sacrificing himself, too? I just can't do it, man, he means the world to me. And then Wano happens and he turns out to have the same body as his siblings but he's still himself. He's still Sanji no matter how much in common he has with the Vinsmokes. And as somebody who's constantly dealing with people telling them that they look like their mom? I fucking love it. I know I look like her and I even act like her sometimes but that doesn't mean I am her. And it doesn't mean she deserves to be part of my family, because she isn't and I can't wait to get rid of her in my life.

It's not only food and family, though. Sanji has helped me accept myself in so many ways too. In the way I perceive others and in the way I act. He has helped me eat. He has helped me realize you don't have to consider your blood relatives family if you don't love them. He has helped me see that my kindness is a strength and not a weak spot.

Not to mention that his whole thing with gender and sexuality, how the fandom portrays him, and how I personally write him has been of so much help in understanding myself. I recently discovered I was a lesbian, and also being genderfluid I just- I just love Sanji so much I be projecting my gender issues and internalized stuff with comphet on him. And let me tell you, it helps.

This whole thing is just something short and sweet I wanted to say because media affects people. In the best of ways. One Piece in general has saved my life in many ways, but Sanji in particular is still helping me every day.

[ashwhowrites]

Hey you!

So I had this idea after I watched re-runs of Friends today. Don't know if you've seen it, but basically Rachel tells Chandler that she had a sex dream about him and that he rocked her world. Ross, whom is in love with Rachel gets mad at Chandler (logic!) and Chandler is all "sorry, but it's not like I can control her dreams, right?!" anyway, that gave me the idea that Eddie tells the reader, whom happens to be Steve's gf that he had a sex dream about her, because Eddie has no boundaries whatsoever and they're all friends, right?! Reader just laughs but Steve gets so jealous and possessive and afterwards he reminds reader on who she belongs to!

and makes her cum over and over but she doesn't have to safeword, just say 'yellow' because it's starting to become too much

Smut prompt 8, 11, 17, 26

I LOVE LOVE LOVE FRIENDS

“Do I look like I’m messing around? Do I look like I won’t punish you?”

“Be a good girl/boy for mommy/daddy.”

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.”

“Do you need to use your safe word, darling?”

⚠️ rough sex, daddy kink

Not proofread

Steve sometimes hated how outspoken Eddie was. He hated how he had no filter and said whatever popped in his head.

Eddie made it obvious he had the hots for Steve's girlfriend. Jokingly flirting with her whenever he got the chance. Steve never said a word so both figured it was fine. He knew it was all jokes.

But Steve wasn't in the mood for jokes when Eddie admitted he had a sex dream about her

"wait you what?" She gasped, sitting up as she turned her whole body to face Eddie

"you had a sex dream? About my girlfriend?" Steve huffed out. Now that pissed him off

" well to be fair, she wasn't exactly your girlfriend in my dream. She was a total hot babe I fucked in a party bathroom" Eddie smirked throwing a sly wink to her as she burst out laughing

"that is hilarious! I need every detail"

"NO, we don't" Steve said fast. Easily placing himself between the two

"oh come on Steve. It's funny" she said, swatting his chest as she leaned over him

Listening to every detail Eddie explained.

~~

Steve could feel his body burning as Eddie told the story. Details of how wet she was, how loud, what she felt like. All the things he should only be able to know. He hates how comfortable she is with the thought of Eddie dreaming about fucking her.

"four orgasms? Jesus" Steve hated the way her body slightly squirmed as she repeated Eddie's words. The way her thighs clenched.

He hated how Eddie's eyes watched over her body like a dog in heat.

"baby, can you grab me a water please?" Steve asked sweetly as he looked at her

She nodded and headed off to the kitchen.

Now alone he turned his attention to eddie

"get the fuck out of my apartment"

"dude seriously? It was a dream!" Eddie tried to defend

"yeah a dream where you apparently made my girlfriend have four orgasms on your cock so I'm not interested in hearing such details. I don't care if she thinks it's funny. I want you to leave. And stop eye fucking my girlfriend"

Eddie held up his hands in surrender. Grabbing his jacket and walking out the door.

"hey where did Eds go?"

Steve turned around to see her innocent eyes looking around the small living room

"he needed to go home" Steve shrugged

"did you make him leave? It was just a dream. Don't be so jealous" she scoffed

Steve felt the anger build in him

"you seriously think it's just perfectly fine for him to think about fucking you?" He huffed out

Y/N smirked, he was getting very worked up over it. He looked hot.

"you look so sexy right now" she teased, moving her hands around his chest. Purring into him.

“Do I look like I’m messing around? Do I look like I won’t punish you?” he growled. Hands gripping hers in a tight grip.

"gonna punish me baby? For being a slut and fucking your best friend?" She edged him on. Loving the way his eyes got darker.

Steve rolled his eyes, throwing her over his shoulder as he marched to his bedroom. Throwing her easily on the bed and trapping her between him and his sheets.

"I don't want to talk about him" Steve growled, yanking off her shirt and unhooking her bra

"because he fucked me better in his dream? Poor baby so jealous that your best friend had me scr-"

"be a good girl for daddy, and shut your fucking mouth" he snapped, his hand covering her mouth completely as he stared deep into her eyes. His other hand unbuttoning her shorts and yanking them down. She moaned as he shoved her underwear aside, two fingers plunging inside of her

He didn't bother to be gentle. Forcing his fingers in and out of her fast and rough. Steve smirked as she clawed at his hand covering her mouth. Her loud moans being muffled

"what's that? I can't seem to hear you" he mocked. Fingering her even harder as he slipped in a third finger. Relentlessly scissoring his fingers inside of her.

Steve removed his hand from her mouth to grip her neck

"fuck daddy" she moaned, gasping for air as his hand tightened on her throat. Her hands gripping the sheets in a fist as he ruined her. She's never felt his fingers go so deep and move so fast. If she wasn't so turned on, she might be embarrassed by how loud her cunt sounded as it clenched around him

"hear how wet you are? Don't think you'd ever be this wet for him would you?" He growled

"Jesus Christ daddy. I think I'm gonna cum already" she whined. Her head throwing back as she clawed at his hair

"don't you fucking dare" he demanded, his grip on her throat tightening even more. Cutting off her air as she gasped breathlessly. Using his thumb to rub her clit fast

"da...daddy" she whined. She tried to hold it. She used everything in her to hold it back.

"I can't" she cried, tears welling in her eyes as she felt her body betraying her

Steve released the grip on her throat. His hand smacking her face lightly

"you better fucking hold it you whore" she cried at his words. Her whole body clenching as she tried to hold herself together.

"can you...at least...go slow?" She stuttered out

Steve laughed, "not a chance"

Moving his mouth down to her clit. Three fingers deep as his tongue flicked on her clit. Steve didn't want it to be easy for her. He wanted her to fuck up and cum. Give him a reason to destroy her

"DADDY I CAN'T" she screamed. Her head thrown back as she clenched around his fingers. Her body came without her permission. Soaking Steve's fingers as she gushed on him.

"you are so going to regret that" Steve snapped, removing his fingers out of her

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to" she cried, tears falling down her cheeks as his tongue still moved on her clit

"you don't seem to want to listen to daddy today" a harsh smack to her pussy as he sat up. Removing his clothes completely

"I swear I'm sorry"

"I don't fucking care" he snapped, his hands squishing her lips together as he held her jaw. She nodded and whimpered.

"you are going to suck my cock until I cum deep in that throat"

She nodded with watery eyes and moved to her knees

Crying out as Steve yanked her hair hard and moved her lips closer to his cock. He smacked his cock against her lips a few times before shoving himself inside of her mouth. Not waiting for her to adjust, just completely bucking his hips into her throat. Within seconds she was gagging. Tears down her cheeks as she choked on his length. Spit going down her chin as she tried to keep up with his pace.

"that's a good girl" he praised, holding her hair in a pony as he bucked his hips faster. He usually likes to take his time, slowly feeling her warm mouth around him. But tonight, she was getting punished. And he wanted her throat sore.

He could feel his anger building thinking of Eddie's cock in her mouth. Growling as he forced her to deep throat her. He watched as her eyes went wide with panic

"you can do it my good girl. It's okay" he said softly. Removing his hands from her hair, fingertips grazing her cheek, affectionately.

Smiling proudly down at her as she breathed through her nose, deep throating him.

"that a girl" he moaned, slowly pulling out of her throat. Giving her time to breathe.

"ready to help me cum baby?" Softly holding her cheek

"yes daddy" she smiled, nodding fast, sticking out her tongue

Steve moaned at how obedient she was, pumping his cock fast as he set his tip on the top of her tongue. Just as he felt the first spurts of his cum leaking out he shoved himself down her throat again. Moaning loudly as he emptied himself down her throat.

"swallow" he said, removing his cock, watching as she swallowed and stuck out her tongue

He smiled as he saw her clean mouth

"good girl" he praised, kissing her lips softly.

"are you going to fuck me now?" Her hand moved back to his soft cock, pumping it as he clenched his teeth. Twitching at the sensitivity

"yes baby, I will"

He shoved her body back down on the bed, flipping her body over as he pushed her ass against him

She moaned as his hand smacked her ass, her body jolting forward at the impact

"you like that?" He mocked, smacking her other cheek just as hard

She gripped the sheets as she whined

"answer me!" Smacking her ass even harder

"YES FUCK" she cried

"go grab your vibrator baby" slapping her ass playfully as she crawled to their bedside table. Grabbing the pink vibrator as she handed it to him

She turned herself back around, ass facing him as she laid on her elbows, back arching.

"so good for me baby" Steve said as he rubbed her red ass softly

Turning on the vibrator and placing it on her clit

"hold it" he demanded. Waiting until her hand held the vibrator before moving his own hand

Watching as her body slightly twitched at the vibrator on her clit.

He dug through their bedside table, slipping on the condom as he placed himself behind her

"ready?" His hand trailing down her spine

"yes daddy"

Within seconds he bottomed out in her. Moaning instantly as she clenched around him.

Steve started slow. Thrusting into her as deep as he could, moaning as he felt every part of her sucking him in.

"Eddie will never get to feel this" Steve growled, thrusting into her faster. Nails digging into her hips as he held her. Pounding into her desperately. Her loud moans filling the room and the buzzing from the vibrator.

"only you daddy" she moaned. Shivering as the vibrator chased her closer to an orgasm

"is that right? My pussy baby?" Pounding harder with every word

"your pussy daddy, I need to cum"

"you wanna cum?" He mocked, smacking her ass

"yes please!" She begged

She felt his hand press the vibrator harder against her clit

"DADDY PLEASE" she cried

"cum for me baby"

~~

She should have known it was a set up

Now she was sobbing as her body was shoved against the mattress. Her fourth orgasm ripping through her

"DADDY I...I...GOD"

Steve licked away her tears, a toy dildo moving inside of her as he pulled it out and shoved it back in

"doing so good baby. Look at you" smiling down as her body was covered in sweat. Breathing hard as she clenched around the toy. Back arching off the bed, smacking into Steve's hairy chest.

"can you give me one more?"

"daddy I don't know" she cried. Hands reaching for his body

He kissed her skin softly, nuzzling his face in her neck. Her hands wrapping around his neck

"shh it's okay. Just one last one? For me? "

"isn't four enough?" She sobbed into his neck

"daddy just wants one last one but only if you can do it baby"

"I can do it" she sniffled

"you sure baby?"

"yeah. Just slow and hold me?" Her puffy eyes had his heart melting

"of course baby. Just keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.”

She nodded at his words. Clenching her jaw as she felt his cock enter her again

"shh it's okay" he whispered, kissing her cheek as he slowly pushed in her

Praising her and kissing her head as he went deeper and deeper

"it hurts"

"do you need to use your safe word, darling?" Stopping himself inside of her

"no just yellow please"

"of course baby" he nodded, kissing her deeply as he slowly moved inside her again. Kissing her harder as he rubbed her sensitive and puffy clit

She screamed soundlessly into his mouth

"let go baby. It's okay"

She was cumming in seconds. Sobs leaving her body as she came for the fifth time that night

He pulled out of her as softly as he could. Kissing her tears away

"you did so well for me baby. I'm so proud" she sniffled and smiled

"really?"

"of course baby. Daddy is so proud of you. Let's go take a bath, okay?"

She nodded excitedly, laying in the bed as he ran the water.

Adding her favorite bubbles and grabbing her towel. Walking back in the bedroom to scoop her up

"I love you. Eddie has nothing on you. Especially after that" she joked, sighing as Steve placed her in the warm water

"I love you too. And trust me, he's got nothing on me" Steve laughed

Tags!

@ago-godance @manyfandomsfanvergent

[chirpingchorus]

Alphonse elric 25 & 26 please!

I took forever to answer this one, but I need you to know I woke up super tired and seeing this got me out of bed this morning. That, my friends, is the sway Al has over me.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Oh man, oh man... I don't remember my impressions of him from the very first episode, just that I really liked both of the Elrics. I had the feeling starting from a few episodes in that he was going to die, and have fond memories of looking at thumbnails for future episodes and breathing out a sigh of relief upon seeing he was still intact. During the confrontation with Scar in ep. 15, my jaw was on the floor and I legitimately thought he was a goner. That episode had the first Al Moment (TM) that really got to me, when he urges Ed to keep fighting even if he dies, and gets upset at him for staying to try and save him instead of fleeing. That scene says so much about him, and I love thinking about it in regards to the show's ending.

My initial impression of his personality was just that he was a gentle giant, and Ed was the impulsive and violent one. In the 5th Lab, he begs Ed not to make the Philosopher's Stone, even though it means he'll die. This gave me the impression at first that he really didn't like the idea of killing/harming others, but looking back, I think it's more that he didn't want to force his brother to go through the trauma of killing dozens of people just to get his body back. He really wants his body back, yes, but he values Ed's safety and sanity more overall.

Al, as it turns out, can be quite cruel at times for the sake of his brother--I'm reminded of when he suggests they just. Rip off Wrath's limbs and give them back to Ed. Because that's how limbs work. It was really at that point in my first watch that I started to see how Al's unfortunate disconnect from humanity could be impacting the way he sees the lives/feelings of others. My gut feeling is that if he were somehow in that 5th Lab position where he could make the philosopher's stone not only to save Ed but to restore Ed's body, he would absolutely do it, even if it would cause him distress. There's a lot more I could say about the 'deeper' parts of his personality that others have elaborated on with far better understanding and knowledge. But he's Not Well and I'm 100% here for it.

More of my opinions now: On my rewatch, I'm noticing how painful it is to see this kid in a huge suit of armor. The scene where he pretends to eat food for Nina while Ed just has the saddest look on his face? That killed me. He can't relate at all to the feeling Ed had as he felt Barry was about to kill him. He thinks the best way to avenge Nina is to use Tucker's research to prevent future cases like hers. He points out in episode 5 that (even before joining the military!) the brothers had no control over what happened that day. Bonus amnesiac Al point: He says in CoS super nonchalantly that his soul seems to leave his body easily!?! Girl!!!!!!

I'll hopefully have a better grip on his personality once I'm done with my rewatch, but there's something about it I can feel but can't quite articulate that just draws me in like nothing else. In case it isn't obvious, I'm pretty darn sure Al is my favorite character this time around.

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good, serious, whatever?

I already talked about a lot of these, but I have more--we'll do a few serious ones and a funny one.

Ep. 6 - He says, "I wonder if I was that warm and soft when I was born." Then starts to cry a little. (I hate this show, I wrote down in my notes.)

Ep. 1 - It's a very small detail, but Al seems to believe resurrection could still occur with the Philosopher's Stone, while Ed doesn't buy it for one minute. This reminds me of Al's similar hopeful attitude in episodes like 10. I think he has a habit to look at things as they're given to him and not much further, as long as they make him happy--of course the Stone should have all those powers, and of course a woman just like his mother would be incredibly kind. He's very much the type to march on ahead no matter what and ignore the implications of doing so. That's not to say he's stupid--I don't think he is. He's quite introspective and insightful, he just chooses not to dwell on some things as he tries his best to reach his goals. Maybe I'm a bit closer to understanding him now...

Ep. 5 - Alright, a silly one. When he's about to beat up the criminals and he appears all menacing and says, "いらっしゃい" ("welcome"), that got a great laugh out of me. He's so silly.

[skzddicted]

lost again.

bang chan x f!reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship

warnings: use of pet names, heavy themes; ed, drugs/drug abuse, depression, mentions of OD, mentions of recovery and relapse (please lmk if i missed something!!)

a/n: hey guys, i’m really sorry for disappearing for so long i haven’t been doing the best and couldn’t write at all but anyways, this fic is kinda very personal to me and it's very heavy so pls check out the warnings!! i wrote partly based off of my own experiences, so i'm really sorry if anything is off.

wc:~1k

reblogs and/or feedback are greatly appreciated!!

song rec!!

partly proofread(?)

it’s not real.

none of this is real. none of it is.

that’s what she tried to convince herself, over and over again.

all the late nights she laid in bed, bloodshot eyes wide open, 

every time she was hunched over the toilet, shoving her fingers up her throat,

whenever she passed out from overexertion or malnourishment, or when both got her at the same time,

each time she swallowed whatever pills she had on hand at the moment.

all these times she’d just imagine herself to be a character in a book. someone in a story. a story that isn’t real.

except for the part it is, and that story is her life.

she never thought she’d actually ever get this far. she always told herself that she still had control over her mind and body, that she always will, even now. she doesn't believe that she’s sick, or at least not enough and when you convince yourself that you’re only faking it all for long enough, you’ll eventually start to actually believe it and you’ll only want to get worse and worse. whether it’s to prove something to yourself or the rest of the world, you won’t really know anymore.

it’s not like anyone ever really cared anyways, so she might as well go as far as she needs to be satisfied. little does she know, she’ll never be.

when he came into her life, everything she had tried to convince herself of before almost vanished. it all started feeling too real. she started feeling things she had never felt before. 

guilt was the main thing.

she’d been messed up for the longest time, yet she can’t recall a single time she felt guilty about ruining herself or her life. but when he came along and started showing her what it’s like to have someone that genuinely cares, it was then, that it truly hit her, that all she ever wanted was to feel needed, cared about. even if it was just for a moment.

and chris, he gave her that and so much more. most importantly though, he stayed. he made a promise to always stay and never broke it, no matter how hard she tried to push him away sometimes.

he was the only constant, the only good thing, in her life. he even gave her the courage to attempt recovery, but if it only took one person, if it only was that easy, she would’ve done it already. she relapsed and tried again countless times. not once did he give up on her, nor did he force her to do anything. he just encouraged her to give it a chance, if she relapsed, he'd be right by her side, keeping his promise.

she watched him break, over and over again, because of her and it just made it all harder, made her hate herself more than she ever has. but chris never blamed her. he believed that the day they’ll both finally be fine will come. be it sooner or later, one thing he’s sure about is he’ll never give up on her.

-

the clock reads 5:32am as chris gets home from the studio. he enters the shared appartement and slips his shoes off. all the lights are off, except for the bathroom light. the door is wide open and he’s scared to look inside, possibilities of what could’ve happened racing through his mind. as he steps in, he takes a deep breath to calm his shaking body at the sight; there she was, sitting on the floor, leaned against the bathtub, either asleep or unconscious. chris was praying it was the former as he walked over to the girl.

“y/n? hey, baby?”, he shakes her a little and her eyes flutter open.

he lets out a sigh of relief as he takes her into his arms. it wasn’t the first time chris had found her like this, although the other times did have far worse outcomes.

when he feels her tears soak through his shirt, he pulls away to cup her face and look into her eyes. 

her beautiful eyes that never failed to make him fall in love with her all over again.

“chris, i’m tired,” she takes a deep breath before she can continue, “i’m sick and tired of feeling like this, chris,”, “of living like this.” she chokes out and tears run down her cheeks, more than before. chris wipes the tears before they can get far, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“i know, love,” he whispers.

“it’s not easy.” her voice is weak and barely audible, but chris knows that this is a cry for help and he’s going to do anything it takes to help her.

“do you want to try again?” chris asks softly and she knows exactly what he means. silence fills the room again for a while, until she lets out a soft “yeah.”

she’s been there. she had tried to recover and stay clean countless times before with no success, she knows what it’s like. but something felt different this time.

chris felt it too.

he’d been with her through all of her tries, and he’ll stay for endless more, if it meant she’ll be fine in the end.

but he prays, to whoever was listening, that this feeling doesn’t betray him. them. 

that this time will be the one.

that the day they’ll both be alright will come sooner than later.

[skinnyglassbonez]

Recovery Wasn't Worth It

For me at least.

I want to share what I learned/experienced while I was in recovery. Please do not continue reading if you plan to recover. I do think recovery can be a good thing and it can be good for some people. It just isn't good for me personally. I don't want my experience to scare people from getting help.

Some background: I've had an ED for 11 years. I've bounced around from a couple different EDs (ana, ednos, mia, ortho). In my 11 years I've had periods where I'm actively in the disorder and periods where I was more passively disordered but I was never actually recovered. My most recent period of actively being disordered was ana from early April-end of June. I was eating about 600cals a day and going on hour long walks twice a week.

I decided to actually try to recover for the first time in my life at the beginning of July. I followed the meal plans, rested, did the mental rewiring, went to group, and did therapy. I went all in trying to recover even on days where I really didn't want to. I was eating freely and got to my set point weight range. I mentally reset to believe in body neutrality. I recovered

All of the recovery spaces said that once I was recovered, I would feel comfortable in my body. They said that the body dysmorphia would get worse but then I would feel okay in my body once I was recovered.

These spaces said that once I was re-nourished my brain would be clearer and I would be happier. They said I would have the energy to do the things I loved again.

The recovery spaces promised so much joy at the cost of gaining weight, being nourished, and letting go of the disorder.

But I never got any of that joy. I only hated my body more and more. There was a very short period of time where I was okay with my body but I never enjoyed it. I became even more unhappy, I lost all control of my life, I lost my job, I was always stressed, I was breaking out, I was breaking down almost every day, I was too depressed to enjoy anything.

Recovery was BRUTAL and it wasn't worth it for me.

So I'm back where I always end up. I know there will be periods of time where I'm more intensely in my ED than others, but I will never leave. For me, it's better here.

[yuri-is-online]

Hello yuri! How are you? I Hope you have a nice day!

When i play tdk i noticed something in jaberwock chapter that is if im not wrong, towa can control weather! Also his inhuman strenght and his octopus like pupils! Although the inhuman strenght can be justify as him being a ghoul, could it be towa is a non human ghoul? But we all know that non human ghoul are put in obscuary. So that might be a mystery for towa backstory! Also his inability to speak raise some question right there! Then we see towa speaking to mc when night come but, as day come he isn't speaking at all. I can't wait for more chapter to drop!!

Hello friend! It's pretty much a guaranteed thing that Towa is an inhuamn ghoul! Pretty cool right? As for why he isn't in Obsucary, I think the explanation is actually pretty simple:

Towa seems to control the weather in Jabberwock to a degree. When he isn't there it becomes bad, though this could be as simple as it becomes more "natural" when he's not there to keep it like old the windows desktop all of the time. This isn't an uncommon theme among inhuman creatures, powerful spirits are thought to have an effect on the environment around them including changing the weather to their liking.

Towa actively hates Ed. As Ed is the Captain of Obscuary, having Towa there would be problematic. The school is probably very aware that they can't really control either Towa or Ed, so having them both in close proximity where they would have more chances to fight just feels like a bad idea lol.

As for what sort of creature Towa could be... I have some thoughts? The ghoul's stigmas are thought to be anagrams of demons from the Ars Goetia, and while the name slips my mind at this moment one of the proposed ones for Towa takes a form similar to that of a unicorn. Unicorns as we know them are more synonymous with western mythology, but there is a beast similar to a unicorn in Chinese mythology called a Qilin:

I think they're super neat~ They are not described as having the power to control weather specifically? But bringing rain and throwing out lightning are powers often giving to Chinese dragons, which Qilin are sometimes depicted as being similar to. My main problem with this is that uhhh Qilin are usually thought of as being very nice. They can tell good from evil and I saw multiple encyclopedia entries about how it walks on grass without crushing it... perhaps Towa just sees people and anomalies as being less that grass?

They are also associated with the birth and death of "great sages and rulers." Which may of course mean literally nothing at all because there's really nothing saying Towa is/used to be a Qilin I just really like them and think it'd be neat if he was. I hope you have fun with Tokyo Debunker anon! I'm waiting on the next chapter too lol

[whumpshaped]

from this @skittles-the-whumpee

Lab whump with a whumpee was grown in a lab so there's technically nothing illegal but over time the human clone lab rat starts gaining sentience.

tw lab whump, hospital-esque setting, mention of a bunch of medical equipment and procedures but nothing really descriptive, nonhuman (clone?) whumpee, death wish at the very end

whumper is clinical and cold, never really caring about their test subject

whumper is actually fond of the little lab rat... so long as they're obedient and perfect for their purpose

whumper is a little reluctant from the get go. is this really okay? when whumpee starts showing signs of sentience, these feelings of doubt start getting out of control

whumpee loves their owner. loves the lab. the experiments can be harsh, but the first feelings they experience are love and joy

whumpee hates the lab. hates hates hates it more than anything. the first feelings they experience are rage and hatred

whumpee knows nothing but pain and isolation. the first feelings they experience are loneliness and terror

the lab itself is a dubious place where many things are hush hush, and everyone only ever knows as much as they absolutely must

it's not a tight knit community by any means. everyone keeps to themselves. whumper is just as isolated as whumpee - they kind of only have each other for company

whumpee starts asking questions like who am i? where am i? why am i?

whumper explains the experiment and whumpee is horrified

whumper tells whumpee they don't need to know about any of that

cages and syringes and white coats and white walls and sterile environments and surgical tables and surgical tools and sutures and incisions and blinding lights and leather straps and metal restraints and paper gowns and the constant buzzing of the equipment and beeping of the monitors

whumpee is a clone. an actual clone made of a real person's stolen dna. whumpee manages to escape and runs into someone who looks just like them

whumpee is actually made of whumper's dna. whumper is doing all these experiments on someone who looks exactly like themself. whumpee doesn't even realise this because there are no mirrors- they have no idea what they look like

whumper

"getting a little too emotional there, are we? i suppose it's time to make a new one again, start fresh."

"don't pretend to understand things like that. emotions, thoughts and feelings... they're not for you."

"i know exactly what you can and can't feel because i made you."

"i'd say it's for the greater good, but honestly? it's not. they're in it for the money, i'm in it for the money, and you're in it because you don't have a choice."

"you... can feel that?"

"where did you hear that? / where did you learn that?"

"you weren't supposed to be able to cry."

whumpee

"i don't understand! i don't understand anything! please! please help me understand!"

"i can feel this horrible pain in my chest regardless of the amount of painkillers and i don't get it. why won't it go away?"

"i've never had water come out of my eyes like that before... not- not in this quantity- is, is this something new you've done to me?"

"i just can't stop. i can't stop shaking."

"please stop hurting me. i don't think i can take it anymore. i don't want to take it."

"whenever you leave... i get so restless. like i want to run after you, be somewhere near you. it must be intentional, right? is that to prevent me from escaping? but i've never felt it before..."

"this thing... this state called death. i think that's what i really want."

~

@ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump

[kaddyssammlung]

Dark Signs

interpreted as someone talking to their addiction as if it was a lover.

TW: addiction and also SH, ED and alcohol

An addiction takes up so much space in your life. It's it like having a relationship with someone. It comforts you when you need it, you argue with it, some days you love it and on other days you hate it.

"Where I was raised, there was no street lights Just pitch black and passing headlights"

According to Gabor Maté “addiction is always rooted in childhood trauma and that the addiction is an attempt to deal with the effects of childhood trauma; which it temporarily does but it creates even more problems in the long term” (source)

The reason why I bring this is up is because “where I was raised there was no street lights” could just mean the beginning of his addiction.

I can say from my own experience that what Gabor Maté explains is valid for my own life. Growing up in “darkness” led to addiction at an early age for me.

“And where we met, there must have been dark signs Omens in your skies “

There should have been “dark signs” but in the beginning I was damn curious as to how far I could take things before someone starts noticing them.

One of the first things I did was steal a little alcohol from my parents when I was 12. The damn feeling when you drink something. It's nice at first, that warm feeling in your belly and you start feeling a little light-headed but in a good way. Of course this does not last.

Another thing that I remember was when I first self-harmed. It was in a very visible spot on my left forearm. I wanted to see if someone notices it and says something. No one did. I'm unsure if “meeting your unhealthy coping mechanisms” is the same for everyone. To me pushing boundaries and testing the waters and seeing how far I can take things was really imported. I assume this has something to do with BPD though.

So...for me when we met, meaning me and my begging addiction, there were no dark signs.

“Most days you reach for safety”

Addictions give you the illusion of safety. According to Gabor Maté your need for attachment was not met in childhood so your addiction “feels like a warm hug”.

“remain calm, forget that you know me and when we met I could see dark signs alarm bells in your eyes”

You can read this as if a shift had taken place. The addiction is showing its ugly face. It's no longer “fun” to destroy yourself and also hurt everyone around you with what you are doing.

Yes, there were dark sings and now please leave me, dear addiction because I don't want you to control me any longer.

I sure have felt like that. Waking up hungover is exhausting. Drinking a lot has consequences. My stomach was in shambles all the time just to name one example.

The scars from self-harm also stay and they kept becoming more and more. An eating disorder is also horrible. You have to eat but constantly obsessing over eating, not eating, over-eating, it drove me mad.

“And I miss the man I was the moment we left off”

The moments before addiction was in your life and you had an actual life and did not do everything just to please your addiction.

I ran out of things that I could drink towards the end. When I smell certain things, even today, such as vodka for example, then I still feel like I have to throw up.

“I might break and bend to my basic need to be loved and close to somebody”

An addiction can be so nice to you. I still hear anorexia talking sometimes “don't you hate your period?! Just let me back in again and you will not have it any longer. Let me be your lover again”

No! I like having energy to do things that I love, so f*ck off!

“And I hate who I have become every time I wake up”

That rush of panic in the morning. “What did I do yesterday? Did somebody notice what I did? Do I still have something to drink left? Did I write weird messages? Where are those bruises coming from? Why, why, why, why, why ,why did I not have the strength to not give into my cravings? Will this ever stop?”

I hate who I have become, so please leave! Leave me alone!

“and if you saw the marks on my dashboard the new scars that I didn't ask for”

It took you over and you don't want it anymore but it has totally control over you.

“Would you call asking for answers?”

This does not really fit when I think about as if you are talking to your addiction. Maybe hmm...your addiction is not interested in how you are feeling. It wants you dead. That's the hard truth. It won't stop, ever. So no it will not call and ask for answers even if you...

“tear my arms off”

It won't care. So? "F*ck off dear addiciton...you don't serve me any longer. I hate you!"

That relationship that I had with my addictions lasted twenty years. There was not much room for anything else such as hobbies or having an actual relationship with another human being. The humans that I did attract struggled with this issue also and were really abusive and fed into the addiction.

So...

after my short little rant or whatever this was.

What helped? The first steps out?

Learning how to calm down. Stop the racing thoughts that were saying things like “just one more drink, just one last time....come on.....buy something”.

I did that with meditation. Watching my breath, connecting to my breath. It's in the stillness where you can reconnect with yourself.

[miscreantahead]

Ask game for Rqg

❤️

❤Favorite character

Zolf Smith!!! BIG honorable mentions to Sasha and Hamid though.

👿Least favorite character

Barrett for sure, dishonorable mention to Shoin.

💐Comfort character

Hmmm I'm still not totally clear as to what a comfort character is vs. like a favorite character, but I must have some idea because I'm inclined to pick Hamid for this one. Idfk he's just a little guy, he's been here the whole time, growing and changing, he's problematic but trying his very best, and he's too cute. He screams comfort.

While I'm at it with the over-answering, Oscar Wilde. I like that even when he's being a pain in the ass on purpose he's quite clearly just a good guy if you read even slightly between the lines. Trusted him with my life ever since the anti-bertie article, and he only got better and better. I want him to have nice things forever and let's face it he got the nicest thing (Zolf) so I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it.

I think answering this question actually kind of helped me figure out what the difference between a favorite and a comfort character is, and why I didn't feel right picking Zolf here. Zolf stresses me out but it's fun.

😍Character you have the biggest crush on:

Z o l f, the crush is massive and a problem on a daily basis. Idk man I'm in love with him, it ouches.

🤝Character you relate to the most

Harrison Campbell. I just wanna write books and please keep Bertrand Macguffingham far, far away from me.

🔥Character you think is overrated

Going to go with Apophis. I don't absolutely despise him but I'm not a fan and he gets so much lore, screen time, and badass moments, which is fine, I won't say they're not cool but I might be shouting "booo" while it's happening at the same time.

🧨Character you love to hate

Oh Bertie easily he's hilariously the fucking worst but I'm so glad he exists.

🙈Character you always forget exists

This is a character flaw of mine but I constantly forget about Ed. Even though I adore Ed there were multiple times when people mentioned an Ed or Edward and I was like who the fuck are we talking about for a second before I was like RIGHT THE HIMBO PALADIN AGAIN.

🐰Favorite non-human character

Considering most of them are non-human I'm going to cheat and instead pick my favorite human character which is Sasha. I still miss her since rome, love how she was acrobatics-sexual, love her relationship with gargoyles and general awkwardness. She changed so much over time but was great from start to finish, and I can't stress how happy I am that she got to live a full and at least somewhat peaceful life.

❤️‍🩹Character who deserved better

Sumutnyerl's abrupt death so far from home in such miserable circumstances and the way the timing made it impossible for anyone around to have time to mourn mildly devastated me (thank you Skraak). Not to mention the way Tesla took advantage of their relationship and the guilt she must've felt and how that didn't get explored beyond one night she was miserable and resetless and the next day she was dead. Super brutal when life and death for the NPC's is controlled by cold chaotic dice rolls (and whether or not a player character is in love with you 😉).

[dyslexicandakeyboard]

Very unpopular opinions about Gone Girl (the film because it's very different from the book).

Nick didn't feel remorse for cheating on Amy. The shit he said in the interview was a ploy to get her out of hiding to clear his name. He was manipulating her. Nothing he said in that interview was truthful (like I'm pretty sure he later admits)

Amy was a ticking time bomb. There were already hints that Amy was dropping her Cool Girl persona since they moved to Missouri. Even if Nick didn't cheat, sooner or later, she would have gone-girl-ed his ass.

Nick also had the equivalent of a Cool Girl persona. The recession led him to drop it.

Amy telling Nick she got her parents out of debt with her trust fund mirrors when Nick moved them to Missouri. With out consulting the other party and not letting them voice their opinion. It showed that they both contributed to the unhealthiness of the relationship.

Amy was always in control of the relationship, especially when things were going to shit. She owned his job, probably the house and controlled all the finances. Pretty sure Nick's whole upset with the prenup thing is that Amy does control the finances.

Desi Collings is just like Amy just in a different font.

Nick was not as bad as Amy IN THE MOVIE. I know, crucify me. He's a cheat, lazy, has no ambitions, slightly misogynistic, sleeps with his student who is half his age. But, none of these are crimes (Andie was over the age of consent but's it's immoral. He's a pig). Amy commits crimes and wastes police resources. She kills a man not in self-defence, fakes a rape accusation, (tries to) frames Nick for kidnapping and murdering her, stole his sperm and impregnated herself. Plus, she's also slightly misogynistic and classist. Movie!Nick and Movie!Amy are not comparable. Yes, they are both awful people but Amy defiantly is the worst. Book Nick seems to be just as bad. Again book doesn't equal movie.

Amy was always a psychopath saying Nick drove her to psychopathy or any other version of this is quite dumb ngl and ignores Tommy O'Hara. Hell, her actions with Tommy makes me even more sure even if Nick didn't cheat she still would have punished him.

I truly believe Nick did want to leave her. It is said by Amy herself that she knew he wanted a divorce. Nick was shown to want to leave during the end of the movie. Literally, the only reason he stayed was because of the child, the whole outrage that would follow (Interestingly, this could be seen as Nick's own preoccupation of controlling his image).

Amy is the more unreliable narrator compared to Nick mainly due to Nick having a voice of reason, Margo, while Amy doesn't. (Unless I'm under his spell. But I don't think so because I hate Ben in the DCEU and that colors my perception across franchises. Came into this movie full expected to hate Nick as much as Amy or more so but left surprised.)

While I understand uprooting one's life and moving across the country with out the other partners input is quite upsetting and can make you feel like shit. A person was dying. Amy's feelings are valid but like. Cancer? Taking care of dying mother? Amy expected Nick to be OK with a huge financial decision to help her parents, make some allowance. Rubbed me the wrong way. I'm a family gal.

Amy may have loved Nick at one point, kinda like Nick loved Amy at one point, but she ultimately sees relationships and love as a form of winning. This seems to stem from her childhood as she was always one step behind Amazing Amy. All her mistakes were washed away clean in Amazing Amy and sold to the masses. Everyone could see just would Amy couldn't do. Because of this, Amy doesn't see herself as a person as much as a character in a story, expect this time she controls it. She's going to have a picture perfect marriage and thus life. Thus she wins at life. This is also very half-baked and formed by one watch of the movie.

Amy wasn't abused by Nick. Amy fictionalized most of their life in Missouri(She's an unreliable narrator). Like it was revealed that Nick hated Amy and that he wanted kids while Amy didn't. The whole "Let's have kids" fight seems very improbably with this information. Unless I'm under Nick's influence. Plus, Amy doesn't seem that afraid of Nick even when he is violent with her.

The Cool Girl monologue while hits some true points to the idea that society values woman to change themselves to be picked by a man. But it also implies a heteronormative society, implies that woman absolutely cannot like shit like football on their own as they are only doing it for men, acts as if liking things are unnatural for woman, makes sexist judgment of random woman she literally passes who are hopefully living their best life, and is sex negative.

preemptive warning because fandoms can be really toxic for some reason. Don't interact if you don't like.