#my 5sos fic

[softzindagi]

officially past the word count of my largest fic

[kindahoping4forever]

Laying Here In Nothing But My Feelings // Luke Hemmings

This fic is 1000% dedicated to @cal-puddies - I had an inexplicable - and rather explicit - Luke breakdown in our chat over the summer and she not only egged me on but when I was done, she was immediately like "fic please." It was essentially a joke between us until Christmas Day (lmao) when she suggested taking my concept for a spin could be a fun way to spend the holiday. And here we are now! Everyone say thank you, Cass! (And also for giving notes and feedback as always and just generally being the best.)

This is the first Luke fic I've managed to finish on my own (Waiting For It Gets So Boring was co-written with Cass!) so please let me know what you think and if you'd like to see more!

Warnings: Boyfriend!Luke, band responsibility disrupting sexy plans (no angst, just sexual frustration and tension). Dirty talk, use of sex toys (solo and partnered), sexting, masturbation, prolonged teasing, lowkey body worship, very brief oral sex (female receiving), very not brief rimming (male receiving). For real, like 2500 words of this is rimming. So. Also I apparently mention Luke's thighs 12 times. I'm fine.

Word Count: 12,575

Masterlist // Ko-Fi linked above

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

I no longer use a tag list so more than ever, these fics live and die by reblogs! If you enjoy, please consider sharing so it can circulate and be seen by other readers!

“Oh… oh just like that… don’t stop… don’t stop… oh… babe, wait… Ash?”

Luke looks up from between your legs, mouth glistening, breath heavy, eyes shining with hunger and amusement. “Honestly shocking that’s the first time you’ve accidentally called out his name,” he cracks, snorting at his own joke as he dodges the kick you aim at his chest.

“Haha,” you respond dryly, grabbing your phone off the nightstand and holding it out for him to see. “I told you not to send him to voicemail all those times, now he won’t stop calling me.”

“A likely story,” he jokes, reaching for his own phone. He sits on the edge of the bed to text Ashton while you curl up behind him, nipping at his shoulder.

“Tell him you’re busy,” you purr, reaching around to wrap a hand around his cock. You thumb over his slit, spreading the precum around, smiling at the hiss he lets out when you start slowly stroking. “Tell him you’ve had a hard morning and you can’t be bothered until you deal with some pressing matters… like pressing this cock into my ---”

Luke jumps as his phone vibrates in his hand. “Hey, man, what’s going on?” He answers, rushing out his greeting while stilling your hand. You relent and instead peck at the freckles on his neck. “Wha--- I thought that wasn’t due until tomorrow… oh I guess I didn’t see when that email was sent… so like, today tomorrow?”

The sound of this conversation instantly alarms you and you pop your head around to his line of vision to let him know, shaking your head. He grimaces in response, nodding silently as he listens to Ashton’s monologue. 

“Okay… no, of course I’m not too busy, of course I can be there,” he answers, mouthing sorry at the way your jaw drops. “I can be on the freeway in like 10, I’ll text when I’m there.”

He ends the call and frowns at the look of disbelief on your face. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he starts, immediately scurrying around the room, cock still half hard. “We fucked up and that new song’s gotta be mixed, mastered and turned in before midnight tonight, not tomorrow.”

“Oh wow, that’s intense,” you offer with quiet compassion. He disappears into the closet and you chew your lip, trying to swallow down the disappointment you’re feeling. You wonder out loud, “And you guys can’t just send files back and forth like you have before?” 

He emerges, dressed and pulling on his leather jacket. “Ash already called an engineer in so we all should probably be on site,” he explains, sighing as he grabs his jewelry off the dresser. “I’d have loved to hold off, spend a little more time here but the guy’s already on his way, Ash is flipping out, I’m closest to the studio… I just don’t really have a choice.”

“Aww, Lu, that sucks,” you sympathize. He sits on the bed to pull on his shoes and you rest your head on his shoulder, rubbing his back soothingly. “Sucks your day is starting off so chaotic, sucks we gotta spend it apart now. I was really looking forward to spending today in bed with you.”

“Me too, honey. Me too,” he laments, offering you an apologetic kiss. 

The kiss begins sweet but he can’t help deepening it and you eagerly pull him in closer by the lapels of his jacket. “You got ready pretty quick, babe… Think you’ve got a spare few minutes?” You murmur, leaning back on the bed seductively, hoping to woo him back into bed.

Luke’s eyes scan over your form with interest before he shakes his head, as if he’s physically trying to break a spell you’ve cast on him. He lets out a groan of your name that’s part desire, part regret. “Baby, we both know I can’t be trusted to keep it to my ‘spare few minutes’,” he flirts. He pecks your lips again as he eases off the bed. “Promise I’ll make it up to you tonight!”

“You’re assuming I won’t have already worn myself out in your absence,” you tease, fighting a giggle as he stumbles grabbing his backpack, clearly distracted by what you just said.

“Okay, well now that’s all I’m gonna be thinking about all day,” he says with a wink, heading out the door. A beat passes and then his voice calls out from the staircase, “Love you!” 

“Love you,” you respond, slumping against the pillows.

The whirlwind of the past few minutes sinks in as you stare at the ceiling. You tried to react reasonably, obviously you recognize the predicament Luke is in, but you also think you’re allowed to be disappointed. It’s been ages since the two of you spent some quality time together and setting aside today to lay around and just enjoy each other was Luke’s idea in the first place. 

You sprawl out, figuring you might as well appreciate how much more spacious Luke’s bed is than yours; you run your hand longingly across his side of the bed, giving a sad laugh when you knock into the bottle of lube beside his pillow, a lost vestige of a sexy morning abandoned. An idea sparks in your mind and you sit up excitedly, grabbing the bottle and your phone.

*  *  *

Across town, Luke finds a corner table to sit and wait for his order. You were right, he did have a spare few minutes and he decided nothing softens the blow of an unexpected studio day like fresh donuts waiting for everyone. He proudly sends an update text to Ash and is about to polish off the powdered sugar donut he picked up for himself when a notification from you pops up on the screen. 

Glad to see you’re not still upset about his sudden exit, he taps on your name and his smile quickly morphs into a smirk when he sees the photo you’ve sent - a bottle of lube and a box of tissues atop your nightstand, while your hand dips into the middle drawer, “the fun drawer” as it was dubbed when you first started bringing toys over. The accompanying text reads: 

Wonder if something in here can make me feel as good as you would’ve.

He catches his lip between his teeth as he types back: 

Miss your taste so much already, baby… Use the suction vibe, the pink one we took on vacation. I know it’ll make you cum just as hard as my tongue would.

You giggle reading your boyfriend’s message, pleased at having correctly guessed what his selection would be. You laugh again, this time with a bit more of an edge, as you lube up an entirely different vibrator, the thrusting toy he left for you when he was leaving for tour. When the purple silicone looks nice and slick, you hold it out in front of your phone, making sure your hand is wrapped around the widest part of the base, hoping that’ll make him think about it stretching you out.

Luke stares at the box of donuts he just sat on the passenger seat, wondering if he should fasten the seat belt around it to keep it in place. His phone vibrates on the dashboard and a thrill runs through him when he picks it up to see another notification from you. He was hoping he'd hear from you again, maybe get a sexy afterglow pic to thank him for his toy suggestion.

He takes a sip of coffee as he opens your message and immediately sputters it back into the cup, hurrying it back into the cup holder so he can examine the photo. He zooms in, trying to determine if the vibe is covered in lube or you before determining the answer doesn't really matter because now all he's thinking about is how wet you felt against his face this morning, how his beard still vaguely smells like you.

He runs a hand through his hair, flustered, and finally notices you sent a text as well. 

Thanks for the rec but I think I'm more in the mood for this one. Gonna put it on the highest setting and let it absolutely ruin me the way I wanted you to. Would give anything for this to be you. Can’t wait to see you tonight. Miss you, miss your cock too much already.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he mutters to himself as he resumes staring at the picture. He remembers the videos you sent while he was overseas, how relentless the toy’s thrusting motion seemed to be, the way your legs wouldn’t stop shaking by the time you were done with it, how he dreamt of the noises you made for the next three nights. “Coulda been you, dummy,” he chastises himself, deciding that while donuts are great, his time would’ve been better spent making sure you were satisfied before he left. *  *  *

You bite your lip, pressing the tip of the vibe to your entrance, teasing yourself. You briefly entertained the idea of queuing up some porn, maybe lighting a candle or two, but between your interrupted orgasm with Luke and the thrill of sexting him, you’ve accepted you probably won’t need much to get off.

Your phone buzzes nearby and you blindly pat around the bed until you find it. You click the new message, already plotting your saucy response, when suddenly your mind goes completely blank as a picture of Luke’s hand gripping his visibly hard cock through his pants fills your screen. 

Fuck, baby… I should’ve stayed. You should be cumming around my cock instead of that toy… should be babbling to me instead of an empty room… should be making a mess on me instead of my sheets. Fuck. I need you so bad, baby. Don’t know how I’m gonna get through the day.

If you weren’t so horny, you might be embarrassed at the way you’re zooming in to study his picture. God, he looks so hard… if he were here, he’d be acting so desperate already… pressing into you, whispering against your ear how much he wants you, hands roaming your ass, tongue running along your ear, employing all the tricks he knows make you weak. Silently vowing to make him that needy tonight, you sink the vibe into yourself, surprised at how loudly you gasp. No, this isn’t going to take long at all. *  *  *

Luke finally pulls into the studio parking lot, breathing a sigh of relief when he sees that despite his detour and your distraction, he’s still the first to arrive. He reaches into the backseat to grab his Airpods out of his backpack, figuring while he waits he can listen to the most recent mix of the song and make notes on what changes are needed. He’s searching through his files for the right version when he’s startled by the vibration of another message.

He takes a deep breath, cock already stirring in anticipation for what you might say - or show - next. He selects your conversation and is momentarily puzzled when no pictures or texts are added to the thread; he glances up at the top of the screen to make sure he has full service and even closes and reopens the chat before he realizes you’ve sent a voice message. Equal parts curious and confused, he adjusts his earbuds and hits play.

There’s nothing but quiet shuffling at first, enough that Luke begins to wonder if you recorded and sent this message by mistake. He’s about to turn the volume up to make sure he’s not missing anything when he hears an all too familiar sigh and he grips the steering wheel, lightheaded from how fast the sound travels to his cock.

“Luuuuke… babe,” you coo, unmistakably slick noises in the background giving away why you sound so breathy. “That picture you sent… fuck… I can’t stop thinking about you getting so hard just from thinking about me wanting you… are you still that hard, baby? Did you have to drive all the way there with your cock straining against your pants like that? Fuck, Lu, wish I was there, I’d be leaning into your lap so fuckin’ fast… how have I never sucked you off in that car? We’ve gotta do something about that, babe, you’re so fucking sexy when you drive, it always makes me want you.”

By the time you take a breath, Luke’s heart is pounding so loud in his ears, he’s afraid you’re going to get drowned out if he doesn’t pause and take a second to calm down. He exhales loudly and leans back, shell-shocked, head feeling like it might float away if he dares to lift it from the seat’s headrest. 

His mind races to process everything he’s feeling. He’s the dumbest man on the planet, how could he have ever left you this morning, he had no choice but to leave you this morning, but how could he have ever left you this morning? He knows you understand that he’d much rather be there with you, so why are you torturing him like this? He loves you for torturing him like this, he hopes you never stop torturing him like this, he’s ready and willing to die or at the very least cum in his pants from listening to you taunt him like this.

Having accepted his fate, he presses play, closing his eyes so he can properly visualize everything he’s hearing.

“God… want you so bad, babe… was so close when you had to stop… I love when you eat my pussy, I almost came right when you first started… should’ve cum for you while I had the chance, I just didn’t want it to be over so quick,” you ramble. “Didn’t want this to be over too soon either, ‘s why I haven’t turned my toy on yet. Was gonna tease myself more but I had to put it in as soon as I saw that picture… oh, Lu, I wish this was you filling me so bad.”

Luke says a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god blessed him with such a vivid imagination, he can perfectly picture you spread out on the bed, chest heaving as your hand moves between your legs, brow furrowed as you fight yourself to keep yourself from going too fast. He squeezes his eyes shut even harder, almost as if he concentrates enough, he can will himself into the room with you.

“Wanted to be naked with you all day… so many things I wanted to do with you… to you… been thinking about it all week… been wet for it since you woke me up this morning… kissing my neck, pressing your cock against my ass...” 

There’s silence for a beat and then a distinct mechanical whir starts up. You resume speaking but your voice is notably affected - a little more rushed, a little more whiny - and Luke can’t help but press his palm to his crotch, groaning with relief at the brief pressure. 

“...Feels too fuckin’ good, babe, I’m already close… all that’s missing is you telling me how good I feel around your cock… how good I look with your hand squeezing my throat… how good I sound begging you to cum all over -- ”

The sharp sound of someone knocking on the car window startles Luke out of his lustful trance. His eyes shoot open, he sits up so fast he bangs his knee on the steering wheel and for some reason, his panicked mind tells him it’s necessary to yank the Airpods out of his ears and throw them to the side as if they were on fire.

It takes another couple of seconds for him to realize he should see who wanted his attention and he turns to see Ashton doubled over, laughing so hard there’s no sound coming from him. Luke first rolls his eyes and then rolls down the window before commenting plainly, “You scared me.”

“You’re lucky that’s all I did! What are you doing sitting with your eyes closed like that? Napping?” Ash asks, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Anybody could’ve snuck up on you, smashed a window, grabbed your laptop off the backseat. Or that box of donuts you were so excited about.” He peers around Luke, looking for the prized pastries.

“Right, the famed donut snatchers of the San Fernando Valley,” Luke quips, shifting in his seat, hoping the snacks are the only thing Ash is able to ogle from his vantage point. He grabs the pink box, passing it to him through the window. “Here, you go ahead and set up in there, I’ll be just a minute.”

Ashton looks at him suspiciously and Luke impresses himself with how cooly he explains, “You know how many Airpods I’ve lost already, now I’ve gotta stop and find the ones I just threw across the car since you decided to creep up on me like a psycho.”

“Fine,” Ash shrugs, peeking inside the pastry box. He turns to leave, calling over his shoulder, “If you’re not there in five minutes, I’m eating this eclair I know you were saving.”

Luke scowls but moves into action once Ashton disappears around the corner. He scans the car's cabin, giving a satisfied tongue click when he spots the wayward earbuds, one on the passenger seat, one under it.

A sucker for punishment, he fits them in his ears, scrubs to the last 30 seconds of your message and hits play before he can change his mind.

There's ambient noise - a quiet buzz and a steady rhythmic pattern that he eventually determines must be your breath. The buzz becomes louder and louder before stopping entirely; once it dawns on him that the volume increase was due to you pulling the toy from your body to shut it off, his pants are back to feeling as tight as they were before Ashton’s interruption.

“Mmm… well… guess you’ll be coming home to freshly washed sheets tonight,” you laugh breathily, sounding tired but elated. “I needed that. Still need you more, though. Love you so much, Lu, still wish more than anything you were here with me.”

Luke pouts, his heart aching almost as much as his cock. He can picture you, bottom lip swollen from pulling it between your teeth to stifle your moans, hair crazy from the way you run your fingers through it when you’re coming down, eyes slowly closing as you fight through your exhaustion for the sake of pillow talk.

“...We can make up for it tonight. Thinking about that is what’s gonna get me through my day. Maybe now you’ll be thinkin’ about it too,” you continue, satisfied smile evident in your voice. “Hope you have a good day, babe, get some good work done! Hopefully I didn’t make it too hard… well… the work, I mean.” You giggle at your unintended double entendre and with a kissy noise, the message ends.

He shakes his head, wondering if it’s too late to fake an illness so he can get home to you as soon as possible. He hits record on a voice note of his own and debates the topic out loud. 

“...I mean, I guess Ash already knows I’m here - oh yeah, remind me to tell you that story - but also maybe he’d believe it came on suddenly. Had to have looked pretty pale when he saw me since every ounce of blood in my body was in my dick,” he jokes. His voice drops as he continues, “I’m still so hard for you, baby. I can’t stop hearing your noises… your breath… I swear I could feel it on me. Thinking about how good you must have looked cumming like that… how good you must have felt. Jesus… how do you do it? Every day I think it’s the most I’ve ever wanted you but then you do something else and it’s another level of wanting. Want you so fuckin’ bad, baby. I love you and I’ll see you tonight.”

Before he can think better of it, he briskly undoes his zipper, hooks a thumb in the waistband of both his pants and his boxers and takes a quick picture of the stubborn erection you've left him with.

*  *  *

A sly smile crosses your features when you hear the message tone in the distance as you step out of the shower; you hurry through drying off, excited to see your boyfriend’s reaction. You wrap your towel around yourself and shuffle over to the counter where you left your phone.

You feel your eyebrows raise, intrigued by the message preview which reads: “Well, this should be an interesting studio session.” The chat loads and naturally, your eye is immediately drawn to the photo; you chuckle to yourself when you realize you’re instinctively licking your lips at the sight of his neglected cock tenting his pants. He was clearly rushed and at an odd angle so it’s not the best dick pic he’s ever sent, just partial shaft and a lot of his hand trying to hold his underwear out of the way, but simply knowing Luke needed you to see how much your message affected him to the point that he tried to stick his phone down his pants in the studio parking lot has you feeling flushed.

Tearing your eyes away from the picture, you realize he left you a voice message and as soon as you hear the rasp in his voice, how absolutely destroyed he sounds, you place a hand on the counter, steadying yourself. Oh, tonight is gonna be fun.

*  *  *

“You’re not even fuckin’ paying attention, bro,” Calum complains, gesturing at the phone that’s been glued to Luke’s hand since they sat down.

“Am so!” Luke protests, laughing at how juvenile his defense sounded. His eyes scan over the message app just to make sure he hasn’t missed anything and then he sets his phone down. “I’m just waiting on an important message.”

Michael swivels around in his computer chair. “Is it an update on whether or not you’re still the worst? Because I can go ahead and confirm that for you.”

Luke frowns as his friends laugh at his alleged inattention. “We’re gonna double track the pre and take a layer off the first half of the chorus to see if that makes a difference,” he reports, beaming at the surprised faces staring back at him. “It’s almost like I can care about two things at once you asshol-- oh shit…” His bragging is interrupted by the sound of his phone vibrating on the table next to him and he reaches for it, the strings on his guitar plucking atonally as he maneuvers.

“Your important message?” Ashton asks with a knowing smile. Between the delayed response this morning, the curious parking lot exchange and Luke’s generally distracted behavior during this session, Ash feels like he has a basic idea of where his mind is.

“Just a delivery notification,” Luke answers glumly, expression turning sheepish when he sees the look on his bandmate’s face. “The coffee’s on its way though.”

“Oh, sweet!” Ash chirps, holding his hand out for Luke to pass the guitar to him. 

Luke opens his notes app and sits back on the couch, ready to give the latest mix his full scrutiny. It takes half a verse for his mind to wander, remembering how much you loved this song the first time you heard him workshopping it at home. His brain reminds him of the way you curled up in his lap while you waited for him to finish piecing together the vocals and the way he eventually gave up once your mouth attached to his neck. He smiles, thinking about how he had you naked and under him within seconds of carrying you to the couch and how he was able to finish the song while you slept, warmed by a blanket and sated by an orgasm, on his studio sofa. 

It’s a wonderful memory but one that has him switching over to check your chat one more time. He’s not sure if your delayed response is part of your game or if you just got distracted but he’s not too proud to double text, especially when he’s missing you this much.

*  *  *

Petunia barks at your phone chiming on the kitchen counter, the sound interrupting her concentrating on lapping up the water you’d just placed in front of her. You laugh and scratch behind her ears, laughing again when you see Luke’s message.

I can only assume you haven’t responded to my striking dick photography because it sent you into such a horny spiral, you’ve orgasmed yourself into a coma.

You’re grinning from ear to ear as you respond.

Yes, cum coma. Definitely it. Not like I was taking my time, starting my day, letting you possibly get some work done so you could get home to me on time. Definitely the cum coma.

You shake your head as your message goes from “delivered” to “read” instantly and it shows him already typing a response.

Oh I’ll definitely be home on time… there’s literally nothing that could keep me from getting home on time… this song isn’t done in a couple hours, I’ll just leave the band.

You giggle as you flop onto the living room couch.

Bold of you to assume I’m interested in sleeping with an unemployed musician.

We’re called “independent artists,” ya clout chaser.

Petunia was considering climbing up to lay with you but after the howl you let out at that last message, she opts for watching you curiously from her dog bed instead. 

“You can’t let your dad know I think he’s that funny, we’ll never hear the end of it,” you tell her before resuming your conversation.

How are things going? Clearly you’re fully focused and engaged with the project.

Luke snorts quietly, eyes darting around the room to check that the rest of the guys are still preoccupied: Ashton and Michael animatedly debating the volume of a particular synth while Calum stoically listens in, expression indicating he’s either weighing their arguments carefully or not paying attention at all.

Was going great until we listened back and now I can’t stop thinking about you naked on my studio couch.

Luke smiles at how quickly your typing bubbles come up, pleased to know you remember that day as vividly as he does.

Ohhhh… THAT song.

Every time I hear that chorus melody, I think about trying to overlay those vocals while also trying to keep your hands out of my pants.

You were being super sexy with your glasses and your crazy hair and your musical genius… was that not all just a ploy to get me to touch your dick? My bad.

Part of you wants to feel silly for smiling so much your cheeks hurt but it’s never mattered if you’re just trading texts, speaking over the phone or if he’s sitting right next to you - the two of you have always had this easy rapport - loving, teasing, comforting and titillating all at once. It serves you well at home and it’s especially beneficial during times of separation, whether it be for a few hours like today or for weeks when he’s on tour.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you smirk as you read the screen.

Please, we both know I don’t have to work nearly that hard, you were on me the second you came in and saw I didn’t have a guitar on my lap.

You feel your cheeks heating as you type.

You know what I remember? You working with me in your lap, tracing the tattoo on your thigh… feeling you get harder and harder against my hip… the way your cock would jump whenever I’d graze your skin with my nails…

Luke shifts a throw pillow onto his lap, pants getting tighter for what seems like the millionth time today. He really has no one but himself to blame - not just for leaving but for instigating this latest sexting adventure. He just couldn’t help himself, once he gets to thinking about you like this… he just needs you.

You always love playing with that tatt… I love it too… love it even more when you tease it with your tongue.

Your heart speeds up both from the message and from how surprisingly loud your slow but forceful exhale sounds sitting alone in Luke’s living room. It takes a moment for you to decide how to play things but you let out a self-satisfied hum when you finally start constructing your reply.

Yeah… you love the teasing, don’t you? My tongue teasing your body, my words teasing your mind… I’ll bet you love that you’ve been hard all day and haven’t been able to do a thing about it. Love feeling your cock up against your zipper, love feeling the precum trickle onto your boxers, love wondering if anyone has caught onto what you’re up to.

The studio suddenly feels irredeemably warm as Luke reads your message. He casually presses down onto his lap pillow, strategically alleviating some of the pressure between his legs. He has to admit your read on him was pretty spot on, now he just has to decide how far to take things, especially considering that the guys are just about ready and he’ll be expected to contribute soon.

Can’t help it, baby… want you so bad sometimes I want to make it last… even the buildup is worth getting off on with you.

He leans back, mentally congratulating himself on his response when he feels his eyes widen and his cock throb at your reply. 

I’ll be sure to remind you of that when you’re begging me to let you cum tonight.

*  *  *

Luke goes radio silent for the next several hours until you finally get that long awaited “On my way,” accompanied by a potpourri of excited emojis, just to make sure his enthusiasm comes across.

You’re excited too, grinning to yourself as you fly through the house to make sure you’ve taken care of everything for his impending arrival. You already took Petunia out and refilled her bowl, already charged the toys, and as promised, already washed and changed the sheets. You pull your overnight bag onto the bed, looking over the lingerie you brought, undecided on if you should surprise him with a sexy greeting at the door. You eventually land on “sexy underwear but make him work for it,” grabbing the pink band t-shirt he’s been wearing lately to slip on over the set you chose.

As your final task, you set two cold water bottles on each nightstand, giving a little exasperated huff as you pull out your phone to check the traffic again; it feels like he texted you forever ago but you know you’re probably just impatient. You’re pondering which of his bandmates was most likely to stop him on his way out, when you hear the garage opening and you clap your hands together gleefully, springing up to fix your hair in the vanity mirror.

Luke’s calling your name as soon as he opens the front door; you originally planned on playing it cool, letting him come to you, but you can’t deny how thrilled you are that he’s finally home and you race down to him. 

The two of you meet up at the foot of the stairs, huge smiles decorating your faces. You take advantage of being on the step above him, throwing your arms around his neck and burying your face in the stubble you’ve missed feeling all day. He wraps his arms around you with a chuckle, squeezing you tight, letting you be the one to pull away first. You give him a few quick pecks before you notice the sound of crinkling cellophane coming from him and you pull back curiously to see what the source is.

“These are for you,” Luke sing-songs, presenting you with a brightly colored bouquet of assorted flowers. You pout, touched by the gesture and before he gets a chance to elaborate, you pull him down to your lips to show your appreciation.

He murmurs against you, tangling a hand in your hair, leading you into a slow, sensual kiss. You moan as his tongue greets yours and again when his hand travels down to squeeze your ass under the rising hem of your t-shirt. He groans into your mouth when he feels the high cut lace of your underwear, his mind automatically scrolling through his memories of all the ravishing sets you’ve worn for him, wondering what he’ll be stunned by tonight.

“Been thinking about this all day,” he murmurs, holding you tighter, kissing you harder.

“Me too,” you sigh. “Well we know what I’ve been thinking about… what have you been thinking about?”

“For starters, this,” he replies, lifting you off the step and wrapping your legs around his waist. You giggle as he starts to climb the stairs, briefly resuming the makeout before determining he should focus on getting you both to the bedroom safely.

As you pass the hall bathroom, you tap him with your flowers. “We should probably get these in water before we get too distracted.”

He takes the bouquet from you, laying it on the dresser as he enters the bedroom. “They’ll be alright for a little longer.” He carefully sits you on the bed, looking at you hungrily. “You’re all I care about being wet right now.”

You sit up on your knees to kiss him passionately and rid him of his jacket and shirt. You run your hands over his chest, loving the tiny noises he makes as your nails run through his chest hair, tracing along his nipples. You slip your fingers in his waistband, pulling him closer by his pants.

“Been so patient, even while I had my fun with you today… always so patient with me, Lu… love that about you,” you coo, looking up at him alluringly as you palm over the outline of his hardening cock. You keep eye contact as you unfasten his pants and start pulling them down.

It’s a beautiful sight seeing Luke peer down at you, eyes already glassy, mouth already open in awe; his hair is a mess from your fingers running through it, curls hanging over his eyes as he watches you breathlessly. Your stomach drops in anticipation of the moan you know is coming when you dip your head down to mouth at him over his boxer briefs. He doesn’t disappoint, voice both loud and shaky as your lips apply gentle pressure to his cock; you find the tip and pucker your lips more, softly sucking at his shape through the fabric. 

He groans your name in a bid for you to stop, wanting to pace himself. He grips your face in his hand, rings digging into your skin deliciously as he roughly pulls you back up to his mouth, pressing his body to yours as he kisses you, letting his hardness and his tongue work in tandem to let you know how much effect you have on him.

His hand travels down your throat, lingering just long enough to get your blood pumping, before he leans you back so he can grab the hem of your shirt. You help him tug it over your head and he curses under his breath as he takes in the bubblegum pink underwear you picked out. Before you started dating Luke, you never cared much for brightly colored lingerie but with him it feels right: playful and loud while still erotic and intimate, just like the two of you are in bed together.

Luke loves when you dress up for him and you love watching him appreciate all the little details, his eyes poring over the peekaboo sheerness of the lace lining, his fingers reaching out to trace along the geometric caged cutouts above the bra cups, his guitar-worn fingertips an enticing contrast to the smooth satin of the straps. 

“Beautiful, baby,” he whispers reverently, leaning in to place a kiss on each of the tiny bows decorating the set: one on each strap, just below your collarbones, one in the center of your cleavage and one right under the waistband of your panties. He laughs warmly at the gasp that last location elicits from you and he chastely pecks over the front of your underwear a few times before raising back up to grin at you. “This is new, right?”

Nodding, you play with his necklace, somehow feeling both bold and shy under his attentive gaze. “I picked up a couple new things for today, actually… wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to spend all day in bed.”

“Aww, honey,” he pouts, kissing under your jaw until you giggle. “Well I love it… love you… love that you’d think to do that. Looks so good, I almost don’t want to take it off.”

You tease, “Well good, because you don’t get to yet.”

He laughs, surprised but delighted, and you scoot back on the bed; he follows suit, coming to lay with you, quickly kicking off his pants and shoes. The two of you take a moment to enjoy kissing, teasing and enjoying the feeling of each other’s bodies after a long day of wanting. When you can tell he’s getting restless, making more noise against your mouth, hips grinding against you more urgently, you shift him to lay on his back.

“Missed you, Lu… wanna show you how much,” you murmur, sucking at his neck. You feel the vibrations of the contented hum he lets out as you leave a mark on his throat. You pull back to admire your work, boasting, “Mine,” as you rub over the red spot. 

He strokes over your face, thumb soothing at your skin that’s looking raw from rubbing up against his beard. “Didn’t need a hickey to tell you that, honey,” he replies, looking at you lovestruck. You lean into his touch, kissing his palm before moving on to explore more of his body. 

Luke sweetly fingers through your hair as you kiss over his chest, nibbling at his collarbones, massaging over his pecs, tongue flicking over his nipple. You start to show the other side the same treatment and he gives a quiet whine, hips bucking into the air.

“Patience, my love,” you chide while your hand snakes over his stomach to squeeze his still clothed bulge. “Is this where you want me, babe? Think I’d forget about this cock? Haven’t thought about anything else all day.”

He pants, breath hitching as you drag your nails over the curves and ridges pressing up against his boxers. “I’m just… so… so fucking ready for you, baby.”

“Mmm,” is the only reply you give, tugging his underwear off. A giant sigh of relief escapes him as his cock is freed, dropping onto his stomach, precum immediately dripping onto his skin. You sit between his legs, thinking out loud, “As I remember it, you were also pretty fucking ready before you left this morning, so… I think you can hang on a little longer.”

His stunned silence turns to an interested murmur as you move back up, returning your attention to his nipples. Once you’re satisfied with how puffy and perky they look, you gently push his arms up, indicating you want them above his head. Dazed but trusting, he complies, resting his hands against the headboard. 

He moans loudly as you flash a warm smile at him and lilt, “Good boy,” before pressing a wet kiss to the puzzle piece inked on his left side, now exposed for you. You smooch and nibble at his skin before switching over to trace your tongue along the vertical script running down his right side. You love that his tattoos are almost always covered - sometimes it feels like you’re the only other person who knows that they’re there. And you love knowing you’re the only person who gets the privilege of touching them like this, of teasing them until he’s squirming uncontrollably.

“Babyyyyy,” he hisses as you begin to peck over his stomach, causing you to laugh against his skin. You look up at him innocently, smirking because you’re not sure if his complaint is due to the work your mouth is doing or the friction from your body leaning across his. 

"What do you need, handsome?" 

Luke tries to pout but can't hold back a grin as he playfully whines, "You didn't kiss the bird," looking sadly over at the ink adorning his right bicep. 

"Oh, my mistake," you play along, crawling back up to where his arm is resting behind his head. You press your lips to the tip of the hummingbird's beak, following along the outline of the tattoo before filling the inside of it with smooches. "How could I forget? Such a pretty bird on a pretty guy."

Before you can move back down, he holds his wrists up to you expectantly, watching smugly as you take the hint and kiss the tattoos he has there as well. As you pull away, he silently points to his lips and you giggle with delight.

"Luke."

"What?! I missed you! Thought you missed me too," he defends dramatically, joining your laughter as you lean in closer.

You intend to kiss him softly but you're weak to his advances once he starts adding heat to it, one hand on your ass, the other dipping inside your bra to cup your breast, pinching at your hardened nipple. His hand sneaks from your ass to between your legs and he groans when he feels how wet you are.

"Oh honey, c'mere," he advises, trying to move your body up the bed. "Get on my face, let me take care of you."

Shaking your head adamantly, you wriggle out of his hold and start moving back down his body. "You first," you insist. He begins to protest but you reach back up and press a finger to his lips to quiet him. "Had all day to fantasize about playing with you, want us to both take our time and enjoy it." 

He lights up hearing you mention thinking about him again. "All day, huh? Tell me what you thought about, baby."

He breathes deep as your fingers dance down his chest and stomach, followed by a sharp exhale when your touch skips over where his cock is resting, instead opting to stroke his upper thigh. You watch his face change while he decides whether or not to verbalize his disappointment; he eventually calms and you dip down to lightly peck his hip.

“Thought about how much I love your body… how beautiful it is… how responsive,” you trail off, giving his hip a teasing bite, smiling to yourself when he bucks up against you with a loud yelp. You kiss the small indent and continue down. “Thought about noises like that… you know I fucking love how vocal you are when we’re together, Lu. Makes me feel so good to know I make you feel so good.”

You nip and kiss your way down to his thigh tattoo, making sure to give it the affection it deserves, especially in light of the memory you shared earlier about how sensitive he was that day you visited his studio. He gets louder and you muffle a groan against him, knowing he’s thinking the same things you are; you lift yourself up to his lips, needing to kiss him, needing to be in that moment with him. His cock twitches between your bodies and the two of you moan in erotic harmony.

“No one else has ever made me feel like this, you know,” he tells you, gripping your hair to kiss you one more time. “Can’t remember ever wanting something - someone - this bad before. Never thought feeling you everywhere but my cock could feel so good… get me this hard. God, you’re incredible.”

Beaming, you place your forehead on his. “You’re incredible, babe. You’ve been waiting so long and you’re still letting me love on you like this? Haven’t tried to guide me anywhere, haven’t asked for anything… haven’t even tried touching yourself. You know you could’ve, right? I didn’t tell you not to,” you point out.

He shrugs, as if the option never even crossed his mind. “I know that anything you do is gonna feel a million times better than anything I could do for myself just because it’s you, so.”

“Luuuuuu,” you melt, bringing yourself to his lips again.

He laughs, “That being said…I would like to cum sooner than later.”

You snort, giving him a playful shove as you push yourself up. “Oh is that something you were interested in doing tonight? That what all the moaning and writhing is about?”

He gently knees your side as you settle back between his legs. “Bold talk from a lady who was so horny earlier, I’d barely been gone ten minutes before you had to get yourself off.”

Giggling, you pinch his inner thigh and giggle some more when he’s surprisingly into it, giving a half-moaned, half-yelled reaction. “Whatever, man, I wasn’t the one jerkin’ it in the parking lot of my job.”

“Nooooo, that’s the whole point! I didn’t jerk it, that’s why I need to cum now,” he insists, tone still lighthearted but with a slight edge to it.

He’s getting desperate and you smile, appreciating how fun he is like this. “Aww, baby, you’re so right. This poor, poor cock deserves some attention, doesn’t it?”

Luke nods pitifully and holds his breath as you move in to press a single closed mouth kiss to the tip of his cock.

“Baby.”

You look at him with wide eyes, feigning shock that he’s disappointed. “More?” You place another chaste kiss halfway down his length, followed by one right at the base. You feel his cock throb under your lips, excited even from just that small amount of contact, and you almost feel bad when you hear his exasperated sigh as he realizes your game. You look up again, teasing, “Still not enough? Such a needy cock, isn’t it? Don’t know how you survived the day, babe, must’ve been so tough not giving in. Didn’t give it even one little stroke?”

He feels you moving down and when your breath is on his thighs again, he gasps. “N-no… wanted to wait for you,” he sputters, breath uneven as your lips brush across his skin.

“Good boy,” you purr, licking your lips and giving a wet kiss to his balls. You move over a fraction, kissing again, this time letting your tongue poke through your mouth and his body jerks so hard, you’d have sworn he jumped about five feet off the bed. “You like that, handsome?” 

A choked cry answers your question and you move and kiss again, sloppier, letting your tongue swirl and linger on his skin. His response is still intense, so you continue, using the same technique but traveling lower and kissing longer; his moan is sharper, breathier, and you notice his legs are opening wider for you, his ass scooting closer to your face. 

Oh.

You contemplate his reaction before moving in again, placing a firm, wet kiss to the space just under his balls. The way he whines your name is unlike anything you’ve ever heard before and judging by the ache you suddenly feel between your legs, you’re confident it will play a starring role in every masturbatory experience you have from now on.

“Luke?” You sit up to get a good look at him, biting your lip to keep from audibly reacting as you take in the sight of his flushed face, his curls frizzed from sweat and his hands resting at his sides, balled up into fists in a clear effort to keep himself from tending to his cock, much redder, much shinier and much angrier than it was when you last looked at it.

“Yeah?” He answers weakly, as desperate as he’s ever been but too dazed to hide it now.

You consider your words before deciding there’s really no delicate way of putting it. “Do you… um… should I eat your ass?” 

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to focus. “Is that… do you want to?”

“Lu,” you soothe, stroking his thighs. “Babe, you know we always say if there’s something one of us wants to try, we’ll hear each other out. And this seems like something that’s really turning you on and I’m really interested in exploring that if you are.”

He stares at the ceiling for a beat before focusing his gaze on you. “Yeah… yes. Yes, I- I think I’d like that.”

Breathing deep, he runs his hands through his hair, obviously overwhelmed. Your instinct is to rush up to give him a calming kiss but you fight the urge, wanting to give him space and time to process whatever he’s feeling. Instead, you hug his knee, using your fingers to draw soft circles on his leg, watching as his face softens and after a moment, he looks back down at you.

“You good, babe?”

“Yeah… I just got like, nervous for a second,” he laughs.

“Well that’s okay.” You smile softly, resting your chin on his knee while you talk. “Are you sure you wanna? We don’t have to, you know I’d be more than happy to suck your dick.”

With a naughty grin, he insists, “I mean, I’d be more than happy to have my dick sucked but I do think it’d be fun to try this.”

“Promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind?”

“Of course… and same.”

“Of course.”

Satisfied, you peck each of his knees before spreading them wide again. You dip down, pressing your chest to the bed, popping your own ass to give him a good show. You knead his ass cheeks before gently pushing them apart, pausing to take a steadying breath of your own.

“Love you,” the voice above eagerly offers.

Your head drops to the mattress and you laugh with glee. “Love you too, babe… especially love that you thought to tell me that just as I’m about to lick your ass for the first time.”

He wheezes before deadpanning, “Sounds like the best time to make that known, if you ask me.”

Shaking your head, you start nibbling at his inner thigh again; you suck and nip at his skin, moving closer and closer to unknown territory. When he feels your warm breath between his cheeks, his noises go totally quiet in anticipation of what you’ll do next.

Leaning in, you hold him tightly and lick a long stripe over his entrance; his entire body tenses and he makes the sharpest yet quietest noise you’ve ever heard from him. Just as your brain wonders if that was a good reaction or a bad reaction, he answers your question by rocking his hips up, silently asking for more.

You oblige him, flattening your tongue to cover even more territory, licking slow and wide from his hole back up to his balls and down again. This time, he’s not shy about letting you know how he feels, a few breathy “fuck”s and a shaky “oh god, baby, yes” falling from his lips. You repeat the same route, experimenting with a swirling motion on the way down and the groan it’s met with tells you it was the right decision.

“You like that, babe?” You raise up to check in with him, your question more curious than teasing. “Feeling good?”

Luke’s face is buried in his hands, surprised at how instantly he’s beside himself with want. “It feels fucking amazing,” he reports, voice muffled but clearly wrecked already. 

Looking at his neglected cock, leaking profusely and a deep shade of red, you ask, “Do you want me to jerk you off while I’m ---”

He interrupts, “Jesus, fuck, baby, no!” It takes a beat for him to hear his own reaction and then he giggles at how serious it was. He explains, “I swear to fuck, I will immediately cum all over myself if either one of us touches my dick for even a second.”

“I thought you wanted to cum sooner than later,” you tease.

He props his head up to grin at you. “I like the idea of your tongue in my ass more if I’m honest.”

“The most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me,” you quip, getting back into position. “Also… you said in, so…”

“Oh. I mean… is that… would you?”

You lean in and playfully bite a chunk of cheek. “Honestly, Lu, if it’ll get you to keep making noises like you have been, I’ll do literally anything you want to this sexy ass.” 

He laughs, low and raspy enough to give you chills. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You grab his ass, push his thighs a little higher and dive back in, your tongue flicking wetly over his hole. As you work, the increasing volume of his sighs and the frequency with which he’s bucking into the air gives you confidence and your strokes become firmer, your flutters more teasing. You return to the sensitive skin below his balls, your lips providing gentle pressure before beginning a slight suction, and the prolonged moan he gives in response has you squeezing your legs together, hoping for some pressure of your own.

Emboldened by his feedback, you move down to his rim and apply the same method: pressure followed by suction. Luke can’t stop the whimpers spilling from his lips as yours move over him, breath catching as your tongue starts lapping in time, the sloppily wet sounds permanently etching into his brain. 

He wants to tell you what a good job you're doing, how unbelievable you're making him feel, but it's taking all his concentration not to grind himself back against your face, so all he can think to do is moan. He briefly considers reaching down to thread his hands in your hair and show his appreciation that way but that’d put his hands way too close to his cock and he doesn't trust himself enough not to touch it.

He groans as your grip on his thighs tightens up, trying to get a better angle; your nails dig into his skin as you do your best to keep him steady and he whines, feeling a fresh round of precum run onto his stomach. You press yourself closer, the tip of your tongue up against his opening before cautiously dipping inside. A strained shout escapes him and he claws at the sheets, pushing his ass down to meet your mouth, a tiny “sorry” lost in his throat as you work your tongue inside him and thrust. His head is spinning, he swears he’s never heard himself make the sounds he’s making and when your tongue thrusts into him again, he cries out as his cock twitches involuntarily.

All his noises are going straight to your pussy and you pull back, panting, in desperate need of a break. 

“Luke,” you huff, pecking across his thighs as you lift yourself up to address him. “I’m glad you seem to be enjoying this, babe… I apparently can’t get enough either, I’m absolutely soaked.”

He lifts his head to look at you and you sit up enough for him to see the center of your panties is a much darker shade of pink than it was before. “Holy shit, baby… that’s just from working on me?” You nod, lip between your teeth, and he groans. “God, you’re a fucking dream, you know that? Looking like that, making me feel… fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it… but you’re really, really fucking good at this.”

You grin, basking in his rambled praise. “Well, I’d be lost if I didn’t have such good feedback. All your pretty sounds, the way you keep grinding against my face…”

“Sorry about that,” he chuckles, a hint of shyness in his voice.

“No, Lu, I love knowing I’m making you feel so good. It’s so hot seeing you get so…”

“Slutty?”

You laugh, squeezing his knees affectionately. “I mean, that’s really nothing new, is it?” He giggles, breath slowing as your hands start roaming his legs. Your tone turns teasing, “So slutty… so needy… and yet, still so good for me, huh? Look at that cock! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it so hard, have you? I’ll bet it’s absolutely aching, isn’t it, baby?”

“Ahhh, uh-huh,” he agrees quietly. He holds his breath as you lean over him, your hands rubbing over his stomach, so close - too close - to where his cock lays.

He gasps as you swirl your finger through some of the precum that’s pooled on his skin, the sensation causing his cock to jump up again.

You moan at the sight, loving that you’ve got him so worked up. Your finger inches closer and he whines helplessly. “You sure you don’t want me to do something about this, babe? Looks like it wouldn’t take much… what do you think? Think I’d be able to get even one stroke in?” You lightly run your nail against his stomach, right next to where his tip is and he lets out what can only be described as a sob. “Think I’d even get my hand around it before you make a mess of us both?” 

You lift your hand as if you’re going to test your theory and he wails your name desperately.

“Good boy,” you coo, backing off, watching the pronounced rise and fall of his chest as he tries to regain composure. You settle back between his legs and check in. “Keep going - yes or no?”

The question has barely left your mouth before he’s rushing out, “Yes, yes, yes, baby.” He slides his hands under his thighs and lifts them up to emphasize his point. “Please.”

Groaning at his eagerness, you feel even more wetness drip onto your lace bottoms. “Let me hear you, baby,” you encourage, softly kissing his cheeks, working your way in. 

You begin a pattern of kitten licks over his entrance that has him instantly moaning. You then teasingly swirl your tongue around - 1, 2, 3, times - and on the final circle you let the tip dart inside him and he lifts his legs even higher, rocking himself towards you, needing more. You duplicate the process but slower, adding in a few extra swirls just to hear his reaction - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 - and your taunting is met with a series of increasingly frantic whines and a few strangled pleas of your name. When you finally flit your tongue inside, the relieved “Oh my fucking god, baby, yes, that” feels a hundred times better than the orgasm you gave yourself earlier.

As you continue, Luke feels like he’s lost control - his hips pumping against you seemingly of their own accord, his voice producing a consistent stream of sounds he doesn’t recognize, his cock springing up with interest yet again. And does he always leak this much precum? Fuck. You squeeze his ass, your hair tickling his cheeks as you wiggle, working your tongue in deeper; he notices a distinct sensation spreading through his body but he’s so overwhelmed he can’t quite place it yet. 

He looks down to see your head moving in a familiar bobbing motion and he has to groan as his mind acknowledges that he’s being blessed with one of his favorite visuals not because you’re sucking him off, but eating his ass.

“So good, baby… so fucking good,” he praises dreamily.

You murmur against him in appreciation, giving his ass another squeeze and he whimpers, that confusing sensation running through him again but more insistent. You’re effectively fucking him with your tongue, digging your nails into his skin, trying to hold on as he fucks back against you, and when your own muffled moans start pouring from your throat, that same mystery sensation returns to his body with such intensity, it demands to be recognized.

Oh. 

It takes up until the second that Luke starts cumming for him to realize that’s what’s happening and it��s not until he feels the first rope of cum hit his chest that he actually believes it. He tries to call your name but all that comes out is the first letter followed by a bunch of unintelligible cries, voice unfamiliar as his body shudders. His cock pulses and throbs mindlessly, spraying his release near and far, coating his entire torso all the way from his belly to his chest. 

The high of this orgasm seems to have no limit, building and building even when it seems like it's beyond time to fall back down to earth. He tries to express this thought but his breath comes out in short, wrecked sobs while his arms shake as he struggles to hold his legs in the air. It’s probably the most exhilarating - and bewildering - thing he’s ever felt and when it finally crescendos, he gives an elongated groan of something resembling your name and lets his limbs drop down as he melts into the bed.

As soon as his legs hit the mattress, you’re racing over to his side. “Luke? Baby. Oh my god,” you fuss. He looks absolutely destroyed - hair disheveled, skin flushed, eyes tightly shut. His breath is steadier than it was but still labored, heaving chest covered in sweat and cum. He’s never looked more beautiful. You speak tenderly, stroking his cheek, “You did so good, Lu, oh my god, that was incredible, baby… are you okay?”

His eyes flutter open, still a bit glazed. He takes a moment before he answers. “Yeah… I… just… whoa.”

“Yeah, definitely whoa,” you laugh quietly, pushing the curls off his forehead. “I’ve never… did you know you could -- “

He shakes his head. “Nope. Never happened before, not even close.” He chuckles in disbelief. “I didn’t even know it was happening until it was happening.” 

You giggle with him. “I felt your body like, pulse and before I even had time to think about it, you were moaning and… oh my god, babe…” You move closer to snuggle him but he holds his hands out to stop you.

“Messy,” he laughs sheepishly, gesturing at his sticky skin.

With a comforting squeeze to his arm, you promise, “One sec,” and hop off the bed, hurrying to the en suite. Luke closes his eyes, the sound of the running faucet serving as the perfect white noise as he lays there, content but exhausted. Several moments later, he feels the bed dip, followed by the pleasant sensation of a warm washcloth moving across his chest.

“Thank you, honey,” he says quietly, reaching out to squeeze your hip. He traces the waistband of your panties admiringly. “Couldn’t let these gorgeous pieces get stained… not yet, anyway.”

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and you snort. “Such a thoughtful lover,” you joke, softly flicking him with the washcloth before tossing it aside.

“Well actually, speaking of which,” he starts, hand moving to rub over the now transparent from arousal patch of your underwear. “What should we do about this?”

“I was actually gonna see if you wanted a snack,” you shrug, patting his now clean skin dry with a new towel. He narrows his eyes skeptically and you explain simply as you pass him his water bottle. “I came this morning.”

“Oh, trust me, I remember,” he smirks, taking the bottle but grabbing your arm to pull you close. He caresses your cheek, continuing, “But you seemed happy - eager even - to have another so I wanna check that you’re not passing it up just because you made me cum my brains out and think now you gotta take care of me.”

You take a thoughtful sip from your water. “I guess I got a little worked up watching you… and talking to you over the course of the day… and looking at the pictures of your dick that you sent me,” you shrug again, a coy smile creeping at the corners of your lips. “I just… that was so intense, babe, are you sure you don’t need anything?”

He opens his arms and you don’t hesitate to accept the invitation, curling up on him, letting him wrap himself around you. “Honestly all I need is to feel my girl laying in my arms… heart racing, hips bucking…” He kisses sweetly over your face, ghosting over your lips before darting down to suck under your jaw instead. He runs his hand over the mark he leaves, tracing his thumb over your mouth. “Little gasps, sweet moans spilling out from these beautiful lips… if that’s something you think you might be interested in.”

Your eyes meet his as you suck his thumb between your lips, biting gently. “Well… if it’ll make you feel better, I guess,” you joke, sighing as you’re pulled into a passionate kiss. 

His fingers toy with the caged straps of your bra and he whispers, “Wanna be naked with me?” You eagerly nod, hissing quietly as he unfastens you; you help him pull the material off and then quickly shimmy out of your bottoms. You shiver under his appreciative gaze as he murmurs, “That’s my good girl,” before capturing your lips again.

The makeout is slow and familiar, a lovely juxtaposition to the frenzied experimentation you’re both still coming down from. His hand makes its way down your body, slipping between your legs and you both groan as he starts stroking through your wet folds. You almost instantly start rocking your hips into his touch - you’ve been waiting to feel his hands on you all day and you’ve been so turned on for so long and your body is so grateful to finally have some relief.

He laughs raspily, “Baby… after all that buildup, don’t you think you deserve more than humping my hand?” You whine as he pulls away and whine again when you see him reaching over into “the fun drawer.” He grabs the first toy he touches and it happens to be the one you used this morning. He clicks the button and it whirs to life, thrusting back and forth enthusiastically, much to his delight. “Look at this bad boy! I’ve always wanted to watch you with this one.”

“Well pay attention because it’s not gonna last long,” you laugh.

After some discussion, he props some pillows up against the headboard and sits back with his legs open for you to lay between. You relax into him, immediately angling your head for a kiss while Luke’s first order of business is getting his hands on your breasts. You tease each other a bit - your teeth tugging his lip, his ringed fingers twirling your nipples - and then he’s nudging you to pick up the vibrator.

“Been thinking about this since I saw that picture,” he admits, watching carefully as you drag the toy down your body.

You run the tip up and down your pussy, getting it nice and wet before lightly circling your clit. “I always wait until the last minute to turn it on… it feels too good,” you explain, teasing your opening and then pulling it away, your hips tilting up in hopes of reconnecting with the toy. “Even just putting it in is too much sometimes because I know how good it’s about to make me feel.” You torment yourself a few more times and then finally let it slip in, sighing loudly as it glides inside you.

“Fuck,” Luke breathes, rubbing your legs soothingly as he stares, slack-jawed.

One hand fits the toy inside you while your other interlaces your fingers with his. “Oh this is gonna be so quick,” you laugh, leaning back to kiss his neck. “You ready?”

"I don't know," he giggles, squeezing your thigh. "Ready to see you come apart, baby."

You keep your gaze trained on his face, your hand using sense memory to locate the power button and turn it on. A deep groan escapes your throat instantly as the shaft of the toy begins vibrating and pumping inside you. You quickly click it down to a low setting and reach to adjust the arm meant to stimulate your clit, your eyes rolling back the moment it lands on the right spot.

"Feels good?" He asks quietly, visibly gulping as you nod and lick your lips. He runs his hands up from your legs, caressing over your hips, your stomach and finally your tits again, where his touch lingers. "As good as this morning?"

Bringing him into a kiss, you sigh, "Better… you're here now." You roll your hips with the slow rhythm of the vibrator, not yet ready to crank it up to your usual setting and have this end. "Don't gotta imagine your hands on my body, your voice in my ear, your breath on me… you're here."

"So glad I'm here, honey," he reassures, kissing your face. You press a button to change the pattern of the vibrations and gasp into his mouth. He groans, wanting to help you along, "Did you pretend it was me fucking you? My cock inside you?"

You confirm breathily, "Oh, Lu, yes… Pretended you were still in bed with me… like the phone never rang… like we just woke up and you were on my neck, telling me how much you wanted me… pretended we were back in that moment and I told you to slip it in like I wished I would’ve… oh god, Lu, c’mere.” You reach for his hand, panting.

The sudden shift of intensity in your tone has Luke breathing as heavy as you, rushing to do as requested. You guide his hand around the bottom of the toy’s shaft, right where it’s peeking out of your body; you watch his jaw drop as you cycle through the settings, landing on the rhythm and speed that always leaves you seeing stars.

He looks at you wide-eyed. “No way,” he laughs, feeling the strong buzz and rapid thrusts. “Baby, this is gonna launch you into space.”

“Counting on it,” you giggle, turning it back down while you move his hand to the base of the toy and adjust his hold so it’s at the angle you need. As soon as he’s in position, you turn the power back up and let out a pronounced moan.

“That’s it, lemme hear those beautiful sounds, honey,” he encourages, his free hand gripping your breast tight, hoping to both get you off and steady you.

The whines only get louder as your back arches into his touch and your hips stutter, your body too stimulated to follow along with the vibe's movements. It drives into you over and over at that delicious angle and you bury your face into Luke's neck, muffling a cry as you feel your climax start to light up every single cell in your body. 

The pleasure rushes through you, the chemicals flood your system and most importantly, your boyfriend’s arms tighten around you. The orgasm is great - fantastic even - but feeling this good while being this close to him is what makes all the waiting, all the teasing, all the frustration of the day worth it.

“Oh, that’s it, baby… what a good girl… look so unbelievable when you cum for me,” he encourages as you huff and shake in his embrace. A few seconds later, your body settles and your breathing quiets but a small whimper remains and he knows that means you’re done with the vibrator. He shuts it off and carefully pulls it out, soothing in a soft voice, “I know, baby, that was so much… it’s alright, I’ve got you.”

He gently eases you onto your pillow, freeing up his arm to grab the tissue box off the nightstand. You pout and make grabby hands at him as he stops to wipe down your toy; he grins, pecking your lips before starting to clean you up as well. Neither of you have much to say, content with simply trading soft smiles and softer touches. 

Luke lays his head on your chest, gazing up lovingly at you, and you tangle your fingers in his curls, loving the way his eyelashes flutter as you comb through his hair. You take the moment in until something occurs to you. “Hey, babe, I don’t think I ever actually thanked you for those flowers? They’re gorgeous… that was really sweet of you.”

“Aww, honey, I’m glad you liked them!” He beams proudly. His expression briefly falters but he shakes it off and continues, “I wanted to kind of acknowledge and apologize for this morning… I promised this would be our day and I should’ve taken a minute to find a compromise instead of just taking off like it was nothing.”

“Luuuuuke,” you whine, stroking his cheek softly. “I know I complained at first but you know I understand the band comes first - it’s your job and it’s important. You’ve got a lot of people counting on you.”

He shrugs. “I had you counting on me and you’re someone I don’t ever wanna disappoint. I should’ve asked if you wanted to come have lunch or something. I don’t know where my head was at.”

“Well, babe, I appreciate the apology but I still had a pretty fun day,” you reassure him, smirk curling the edges of your mouth.

“Is that so? I never would’ve guessed,” he jokes, pushing up to kiss you. “Glad to hear you had a good day, though… spent most of mine worrying I’d ruined it.”

You giggle, “Babe, I’m pretty sure the only thing that got well and truly ruined today was you.”

He laughs with you, a faint blush spreading over his skin. “So best case scenario then,” he cracks, pressing another kiss on your lips.

He sits up, sipping his water, passing yours over when you prop yourself up next to him. You suddenly remember to ask, “Hey, how was the studio, by the way? How’d our song turn out?”

Luke grins. “Oh, is it our song?”

With a naughty smile, you explain. “I don’t know about you but I doubt I’ll be able to think about anything besides tonight when I hear it.”

“Well… tonight and the night I wrote it.”

“See.”

“You’re right, it’s definitely our song,” he giggles, squeezing your knee. “I really like what it’s turning into, I think it’s almost where it needs to be.”

Your brow scrunches, confused. “Almost? Wasn’t it due today?”

“Oh!” He laughs, shaking his head. “The deadline actually got extended.”

“What?!”

“Mmm hmm, some kind of server maintenance - the label apparently can’t handle any incoming files for a day or two. So we all decided we should use that time and really get it right.”

You’re quiet for a moment before offering a simple, “Interesting.”

Luke can tell you’re calculating if this will affect your time together again and he slinks his arm around you, leaning your head on his shoulder. “It doesn’t need nearly as much work as it did today though, so hopefully it won’t take up too much of the day.” 

“Yeah, hopefully.”

With a smile, he adds, “But just in case, I’m thinking my phone’s gonna accidentally die overnight, what about yours?”

——————————————— Thank you for reading!

[wildflowerirwin]

Ashton really went from lesbian farmer to Goat Dad™️

[clumsyclifford]

the reckless hearts

pairings: michael clifford/calum hood, michael clifford/harry styles (temporary), alex gaskarth/jack barakat, assorted minor pairings rating: T total word count: 53.7k important tags: summer camp support staff AU, strangers to friends to lovers, ensemble fic, friendship, fluff, angst, hookup culture, bittersweet ending, galaxy hair michael warnings: N/A summary:

“And you’re what?” Michael asks, before giving Calum a once-over. “Logistics, I bet.” Obviously Michael hadn’t been tuned into his surroundings when Calum had given his brief introduction. “Yeah.” “Mike, I literally told you about Calum,” says Alex. “Did you?” Michael asks. Understanding dawns on his face. “Oh, you’re Calum, Alex’s roommate.”

-

(Or: summer camp AU, but make it support staff.)

Well. Here it is. The big ensemble summer camp fic I've been writing for over three years. This is the longest fic I have ever written. It is my passion project and my beloved child. Enjoy.

CHAPTER I // CHAPTER II // CHAPTER III // CHAPTER IV // CHAPTER V // CHAPTER VI // CHAPTER VII // CHAPTER VIII // CHAPTER IX // CHAPTER X // CHAPTER XI // CHAPTER XII // CHAPTER XIII // CHAPTER XIV // CHAPTER XV // CHAPTER XVI // CHAPTER XVII

[cal-puddies]

Open My Mind for Ya // Calum Hood

notes: This all stems from the photo drop Cal did that contained the picture in the upper left, enough said.

Big shouts to my otter half @kindahoping4forever for cheerleading this one.

Warnings: Boyfriend!Calum, Kink exploration in an established relationship including: spitting, exhibitionism, dom like behavior, dirty talk, and rough sex

Word Count: 7194

Cass Masterlist // Ko-Fis linked in bio

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

It’s always quiet in the comedown. Your head rests on your boyfriend's bare chest. His fingers draw shapes on your bare back while yours trace over the tattoos on his arm. He sweeps the hair off the back of your neck and gently traces the hickey he left there. Your skin is always too clean when he gets home from tour, so he likes to mark you. 

“What’s on your mind, darlin’?” He whispers. 

You turn your head to look at him. “Just thinking.” 

His hand trails down your back and slips under the covers to grab your ass. “About?”

You chew your lip for a minute, deciding whether or not to spill. Cal slides his hand up to your waist; your lack of answer makes him nervous and you can tell. You finally sit up and pull your knees up to your chest, facing him. His hand slides to your mid thigh and he holds on tight, waiting for you to find your words. “So… you remember when we first got together, how we were very… exploratory when it came to sex?” 

“Yeah… that seemed like something you needed… and we both enjoyed,” he responds casually. After a beat, the subject matter sinking in, his face quickly twists up and concern starts to take hold of both his expression and voice. “Wait… Baby, are you… are you saying…” 

You quickly cut him off, “No!” You reassure with a chuckle, “I’m not saying that. Pretty sure we wouldn’t have had to change the sheets just now if that was the issue.” 

He gives a nervous laugh. “Ok, fair point.” 

You continue, “I guess I was just thinking and got curious why we stopped being that way… And wondering if it was maybe something we can start again?” 

He thinks for a moment about what he wants to say. “I think we just got comfortable, baby,” he shrugs. “We figured out how we like to tease and how to make each other cum and we just stopped trying things after that… But I’m always open to exploring with you. You only have to ask.” 

You smile softly at him, relieved. “I just wasn’t sure…”

Cal senses your hesitation and grabs you, pulling you on top of him. “Short of some of the more extreme shit, there’s nothing you could want that I wouldn’t want to do for you. Please understand that.” 

You make yourself comfortable, laying your head on his chest, snuggling into him as you tangle your legs together. He pulls the blanket up to just below your shoulders and wraps his arms around you. You lay quietly for a while before letting out a little giggle. “So what’s off the table then, Cal?” 

He snorts, thinking about it for a moment. “I’ll let you know if it comes up.” 

The conversation was so brief and simple and yet opened you and Cal up to all sorts of new experiences, you’re sorry you didn’t have the courage to bring it up sooner. Calum took the lead during the first month of your experimentation and the encounters all seemed to have a recurring theme. From sneaking in a quickie in Ashton’s bathroom during taco night to making each other cum without tipping off anyone else in the car to having sex on the couch by your pool to Cal successfully going down on you at a restaurant - if you could potentially get caught doing it, Cal seemed to be into it. 

After a while, you and Cal are fresh out of the shower when he snakes his arms around your waist and starts kisses on your neck, up to the spot just below your ear that drives you wild. He rocks the both of you back and forth, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Circling back…” He begins, waiting for you to meet his eyes in the mirror. “I feel like since we started being more open about exploring, everything has been things I’ve been interested in… and I’m sure you must have had something in mind when you brought it up?” He rests his chin on your shoulder, looking at you expectantly.

Your eyes flutter away from his and you answer too quickly. “I’ve enjoyed what we’ve tried so far.”

“Well, I know that,” he teases, nipping your skin. “But I need to know what it is you want so I can make sure your needs are being met as well.” 

“My needs are definitely being met, love,” you insist.

Calum turns you around and sets you on the counter, his hands resting on either side of you. He presses his lips to yours in a series of soft kisses. “Ok, so your needs are being met but what about your wants? It’s not like you to bring something like this up without a particular reason.” He watches as your ears go red. “What is it, darling? If we were naked in bed, you’d have no problem telling me what you want from me,” he points out. 

You sigh, thinking about how to word what you want to say. You reach up and run your fingers through his drying curls. “I guess this just feels different because I don’t want you to think I’m unsatisfied with what we do.”

He kisses your forehead. “I know, baby, I don’t think that. Trust me, your body tells me otherwise.” 

“Yeah…” You nod to yourself, deciding to be brave. “I guess… I want you to get rough with me. Like… I know you already do sometimes but you kind of back off from it and then course correct and get super loving instead.” 

Cal nods, listening. “Well, I don’t want to actually hurt you and I feel like I don’t really know the limit, we’ve never truly explored that.” 

“So what if we take that fear out of it and use either a safe word or color system or something?” You watch his face and he doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable, so you continue. “You know I love a disdainful Daddy moment,” you whisper teasingly, hiking your legs up to wrap around his waist. 

Cal presses against you, kissing you hard. “I think we could have fun,” he murmurs. “We’ll need to talk more about boundaries but thank you for telling me what you want, baby.” 

Over the next couple days, Cal asks your opinion on a multitude of things: biting, scratching, hair pulling, manhandling, restraints. Where and how hard he can grab you? Would you like to be tossed around? Exactly how rough should he be with you? Each time you give him an answer, you see him mentally file the info away, adding it to what he already knows to be true for your likes and boundaries. 

Armed with his revised instructions from you, he decides to start trying some things the next few times you’re in bed together. He watches carefully to see how you respond to him pulling your hair back while he’s giving it from behind, how it affects you when he wraps his hand around your throat while you’re riding him. And though he backs off a little sooner than you’d prefer, he even feels comfortable forcing you down further on his cock while you’re blowing him. He notes how much louder you are, how much harder you seem to cum during these encounters and he realizes he has more questions for you.

“Baby?” He asks quietly, while you're cuddling in bed, naked, one night. You hum, to let him know you're awake. “Have we covered everything? Is there something else you want that I haven’t asked about?” 

You’re quiet, thinking what to say and he takes your silence as hesitation so he prods further.

“Like… I guess I’m a little unsure of the tone I should be striking here? You mentioned I always back off and get too loving… and then that porn we were watching earlier… he was super degrading to her… is that something you want?” He almost seems nervous to ask; at the end of the day, Calum’s a sweet boy and he’s having trouble wrapping his mind around actually hurting you, physically or otherwise, even if that’s something you desire. 

You press a kiss to his chest, touched at his concern. “Don’t worry, bubba, I don’t need you to call me your ‘filthy little slut’ or anything like that,” you smile. “But… I dunno, Cal… there is like… one thing that could probably be seen as degrading… but…” 

He squeezes your shoulder reassuringly. “Darlin’, I can’t give it to you if I don’t know what it is.”

“Well, I’ve mentioned it to other people before and it didn’t go over great,” you admit with a shrug. Cal rubs your back, trying to encourage you. “Like, ok… I guess… spit…” You trail off, almost shyly, letting it hang there a moment. 

Calum seems unphased, just curious to know more. “Like you want me to spit on you? On like? Your face? Or… in your mouth? On your pussy? To be honest, I have done that before and you did actually really seem to like it.” 

“Have you?” You ask, turning your face toward him. 

“Yeah… those moans still live in my brain… I just wasn’t sure if it was because you were in the moment because we had a super loved up day, or you like… liked it.” 

“Wait… was that…?”

“When I took you home to meet my family, yeah.” 

“Yeah, we were pretty loved up on that trip,” you grin, remembering. You wait a beat before letting yourself blurt, “I mean... face isn’t something I think I’d be into but… we swap spit all the time so… I don’t really see a difference between that and you like… spitting in my mouth during a hot moment.”

He smirks, rubbing his hand up and down your back. “I’ll keep that in mind, darlin’,” he promises, gently pulling you up for a soft kiss. 

A week or so later, you’re relaxing by the pool, enjoying your day off. It’s been a quiet afternoon, spent mostly alone; Calum was already out of bed and in his office working when you woke up and while you were in the pool, he waved to you from the house and called out that he’d was going to run errands and to text him if you needed anything. You thought it was unusual he didn’t invite you to come along but shrugged it off, assuming he didn’t want to interrupt your much needed day of relaxation.

Which is why you’re so puzzled when he calls you a few hours later and asks if you’re getting ready for dinner. A dinner that was never mentioned to you until now. 

You’re super confused, Cal is usually much more courteous, even when he wants to surprise you, because he knows how stressed rushing makes you. You hurry and jump in the shower; your boyfriend comes in a few minutes later and helps himself to the shower as well, hurriedly doing his business and pecking you on the lips before hopping out without a word. If you weren’t annoyed before, you definitely were now. 

You wrap up and exit the shower, entering the bedroom to find Cal shirtless in his dress slacks, examining a few shirts laying on the bed.

“What’s the vibe?” You ask, tone short. 

Cal looks at you out of the corner of his eye. “Dressy,” he answers in a tone that’s either distracted or edgy, you’re not sure which.

You shake your head and walk into the closet, immediately noticing things have been moved around. When you open the drawer you expect to pull your underwear out of, it’s now housing all the socks he bought on tour. 

“Calum! The fuck is my underwear?” 

“Relax, baby… I moved some things around to give you more space,” he explains, coming in and resting a hand on your hip as he pulls open a different drawer. He picks up the matching set on top, one of his favorites, a royal blue lace bralette and matching panties. “Wear this one, please?” He says, pressing his lips just below your ear. 

You stare at the side of his face and he seems unphased by your attention, walking over to the other side of the closet to start thumbing through your dresses. You aren’t used to Calum caring so much about what you wear and you start sensing that something’s up.

He grabs a black dress with thin straps and ruching up the sides; it hits you mid thigh but Cal particularly likes the way it accentuates your ass. He reaches up to your shoe rack and selects a pair of strappy, studded Louboutin heels and you momentarily forget you’re annoyed with him because his back flexes in an oh so delicious way. 

He moves back toward the door and grabs his belt, the one he knows makes you absolutely feral for him. You can’t help but focus on his fingers moving across the leather, threading it through the loops of his black pants. You watch his hands pull the belt taut to begin fastening the buckle and your mind begins to wander, recalling the last time you saw him do that, when the belt was around your wrists instead of his waist. You don’t realize you’re biting your lip until it begins to sting. 

He turns his head just enough to wink at you as you stand there grasping your underwear and towel. “You got a half hour before we need to leave, love.” 

You pass through quickly to the en suite, putting on the underwear he picked out and then quickly working on your hair and make up. Cal is in and out of the bathroom, setting accessories on the counter for both you and himself, including jewelry and his favorite of your perfumes. You lean in to the mirror to do your lashes and lips and he smacks your ass. 

“Ow, Calum,” you whine, grabbing your stinging ass cheek. 

He kneels behind you and pulls your hand away from the red mark, leaving a loud kiss on your skin. “Aww, sorry, baby,” he murmurs, squeezing both cheeks affectionately. 

He stands back up and settles at the counter next to you, reaching for his jewelry. You reach for your setting spray but your eyes flutter over to his reflection at the sound of him sharply hissing. You see him flinch at the coolness of his chain necklace touching his bare skin still warm from the shower and his plight is instantly relatable: you can’t count the times you’ve reacted in the same way when the chain dangles from his neck as he hovers over you in bed, grazing your sweaty skin. The contrast is always surprising yet delicious.

He slowly glides his rings on his long, slender fingers; they click together as he moves and you can practically feel them pressing into your skin, tightly wrapping around your wrists, gripping your throat.

Cal evaluates his reflection, pausing long enough for you to think the torturous show is over but then he reaches for the silver bracelet he wears on his wrist. The veins in his hands flex as he maneuvers to fasten the chain and once it’s done, he shakes his hand out, testing to make sure it’s secure. The action conjures up the image of how that bracelet slides and sways on his wrist when he’s vigorously working his cock, standing over you while you’re on your knees, eagerly awaiting to taste your reward, feel it hot on your skin.

He clears his throat, snapping you out of your vividly lustful daydream. He smiles and gives you a quick cheek kiss as he exits the bathroom. He finds you frozen in place when he returns a few moments later, button down shirt selected and on but still invitingly unbuttoned. He holds up your dress and shoes, silently asking if you want help with them. You cautiously nod and he patiently waits as you slip into the dress; you turn your back to him and he gently pulls the zipper for you, chuckling as you shiver at the warmth of his breath on your neck. You shudder again as he drapes a necklace across you, fingertips grazing your skin as he works the clasp. Before you can react, he’s dropping to his knees to help you into your heels, kissing on your calves as his nimble fingers delicately buckle the shoes. 

“Damn, baby,” he murmurs, as he stands to his feet, eyes moving up and down your body. “Looking so good.” 

“Thanks,” you manage to murmur, “I mean you should appreciate it, it’s basically your work.” 

“I may have picked the pieces but it’s your bod that’s making them work.” He reaches for your hand and pulls it to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “I’m gonna go grab us jackets.” He declares, pulling you in for a quick kiss. 

He softly caresses your thigh the entire ride to the restaurant, his fingers climbing higher and higher up your hemline as you reach your destination and you start to wonder if that’s a preview of what the night has in store. You’ve gotten dressed up for several date nights recently that have left you both satisfied with a public orgasm, Cal exploring that side of himself has been a thrill for you both. So it’s not a surprise the second you’re seated, Cal’s hand is back under the hem of your dress. 

He orders drinks for the two of you and when the waitress walks away, he leans in for a brief kiss, lips slotting together easily. He nuzzles his nose against yours before he pulls away. “You look so good, baby. Very kind of you to indulge me.” 

“You’ve got a good eye, baby, I know you like all these pieces separately, not sure why we haven’t put them together before.” 

He smiles, swipes the hair off your shoulder, and kisses on your neck, his lips drag across your skin up to your ear. “Got a goal in mind for you,” he whispers, fingertips dragging up and down the inside of your thigh. 

“Mmkay…?” You murmur back, eyes darting around the restaurant. 

“Look at me,” he says, and the second your eyes meet his, you can already guess what the request might be. His eyes are even darker than normal, lust filled, staring you down like he could eat you up right at this table. He grips your thigh tightly, leans in close, whispering, “Wanna cum in your mouth before dinner is on the table.” 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip. “So… you want a blow job or you just wanna finish in my mouth?” You ask for clarity. 

“Just finish, baby, wanna look at you, talk to you while you get me there,” he rasps, pressing his lips to yours. “Wanna hear you ask for my cum.” 

His eyes look over your shoulder and he smiles as the waitress sets your drinks in front of you. He asks for a couple more minutes to look at the menu and you nonchalantly drop your hand to his lap, running your nails against his thigh while you decide on food. 

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that,” he teases, fingers pressing against your pussy. 

“Just waiting till we order,” you shrug, cupping his cock. 

When the waitress comes back, you’re thankful that Cal orders an appetizer before dinner, buying you a little extra time. Based on his grin, he thinks you’ll need it.

When the waitress walks away, you turn towards Cal, sliding your hand up to undo his zipper. 

“No patience, baby?” He grins, shaking his head. 

“Well, handsome, you gave me a goal but didn’t lay out consequences or rewards for meeting it, so I just wanna play it safe.” You tease your fingertips from the base of his cock to the head and back down and you already feel him stiffening up under your touch. 

“Oh, you know exactly what you get for being a good girl,” he replies, voice deep as he swipes his fingers through your folds. “As for consequences… well, I think you remember what happened last time.” He leans in for a kiss, as a way to shield the quiet moan from his lips. 

You whimper because you do remember. How quickly his belt came out of his belt loops once the two of you arrived home, how easy it was for him to bend you over the closest surface, rip your panties off and deliver several hard smacks with the leather. The delicious torture would’ve been worth it on its own but he was also incredibly sweet about it afterwards, making sure it didn’t go too far and you felt well cared for. 

You pull your hand up briefly to discreetly spit in your palm, working your hand over to slick him up. As you run your thumb over his slit, he has to stifle a groan and you smile to yourself. 

Cal’s fingers on your clit start to match your pace on his cock, and you can tell how much he’s enjoying your skilled hand. He watches you, amused for a little while, seeing how much you enjoy what you’re doing, feeling it pool between your thighs, feeling his own precum bead at his tip. 

He moves in closer and lets a little moan out in your ear. “Baby, I think someone’s onto you, that breathy little thing you do is louder than normal,” he teases. 

You follow his eye line and it does seem someone keeps looking over at the two of you, but it could be any number of reasons. 

You work to make it seem less noticeable, what you’re doing under the table, and you're thankful for the long table cloths at this restaurant so no one is getting a full on free show, although the possibility of being noticed was always part of the thrill of this. 

You watch Cal lose his cool a little bit: biting his lip, covering his mouth with his free hand, before reaching to take a sip of his drink, glass shaking. You watch his neck as he swallows. “Baby, think you’re just about out of time,” he tsks, breathily.

“Please, I like to think I know what I’m doing,” you laugh naughtily, twisting your hand around the base of his cock, leaving your thumb hooked around his cock while you squeeze his balls. 

He groans in your ear and grabs your jaw to pull you into a kiss as his fingers work your pussy in a way only he knows how. “God… look at you,” he murmurs. “Working so hard to get your man off in public, knowing you get to taste my cum before dinner. Your lip is so red and swollen from the way you’re biting it, cheeks pink from the orgasm I’m stroking your pussy for. You feel it in your stomach don’t you? You love this, the possibility of getting caught.” He sucks in a sharp breath and you know what’s coming. 

You use your free hand to pull out your phone, fake check it for messages and then pretend to drop it on the ground, giving yourself a reason to bend down and finish him off. 

“You ready to cum for me?” You whisper, looking at his pink cheeks. 

He lets out a puff of air and nods at you. “About damn time.”

You lean down to put your mouth on his cock and as you wrap your lips around the head, he gently pushes you down further to take more of his cock in your mouth. You massage his balls and hollow out your cheeks as you pull back up, flicking your tongue over his slit a couple times and then he’s cumming, filling your mouth. You moan around his cock, continuing to slide your hand around it, milking his cum out, swallowing to make sure you can take it all.

Cal’s grinning wide at you when you come back up; his eyes crinkle as he watches you swallow and then pulls you into a kiss. The plates land on the table while he’s tasting himself on your tongue. “So good, baby… a very good girl.” He smiles at you. 

He lets go and turns back toward the table to dig in, his hand that had just been in your panties teasing you, pulled away, with no indication of when or how he’ll be finishing you. 

You stare at the side of his face and he does a great job of completely ignoring your unspoken inquiry. He takes a bite of his food and glances over at you. “You want a bite, baby? This is so good.”

You side eye him throughout your meal, waiting for the teasing to continue, some sort of plan to be unveiled but besides his hand occasionally stroking your thigh, he’s acting like it’s just a normal dinner date. When dessert comes, you let out a loud sigh.

“Need something, baby?” He looks over at you, giving you the look he does when you’re being dramatic. 

“Uh… well, I got you off before dinner, just like you wanted, so I’m wondering when the favor is gonna be returned,” you huff incredulously. 

“Oh… little lady… Was it not clear? You’re not cumming any time soon.” 

You scoff and stare at him. “Excuse me? I did what you asked…” 

He cuts you off. “Yes, baby, and you did great. But now I just need you to be patient and wait. It’ll be worth it, promise.” He leans in for a chaste kiss on the lips before digging into the piece of cake you're splitting. 

You sigh, crossing your arms and sitting back against the seat. You get the look from Calum but he otherwise ignores your mood shift. You pout your way through the rest of your time at the restaurant and though you let him wrap his hand around yours on the walk out to the car, you resume your annoyed posture once he closes the door and you put your seatbelt on. 

He gets in and when you loudly sigh again, he reaches over and grabs the back of your neck, a gentle but firm warning. “Baby, I’d maybe rethink that bratty attitude.” 

Which only frustrates you more, of course. Cal’s a giver, it’s not in his nature to deny you, especially after a public session, but here he is. You sulk the whole way home and Cal’s sure to let you know it’s not going unnoticed. His last warning about it is accompanied by a knee squeeze that you briefly hope will lead to something but then he completely removes his hand from your body, leaving you in stunned silence once again. 

Once you’re home, you don’t even wait for Cal to open your door, you just fling it open and stomp inside the house. You’re enough ahead of him that you have time to make it to the bedroom before you even hear the front door close. 

Cal calls for you, but you don’t respond, busying yourself with the orgasm you earned and he didn’t give you. 

When he graces the doorway, your teeth are sunk into your bottom lip, dress pulled up around your hips, heels dug into the mattress with your legs spread and hand in your panties, fingers slowly circling your clit. 

“Baby?” You hear him coo. “What’re you doing?” 

“You refused to make me cum so I figured if I might as well do it myself.” 

“That’s a… choice you’re making.” He smirks. “Baby girl couldn’t be patient and wait for me to give her an orgasm, had to rush inside, stuff her hand in her panties and do it herself? Think you might come to regret that.”

You suck in a sharp breath. “But at least I’ll have finally cum,” you snark.

He’s across the room in a second, his jacket thrown next to you on the bed. He makes eye contact with you, making sure you watch as he undoes the top couple buttons of his shirt, rolls his sleeves up to his elbows. He pushes the hair out of his eyes and then runs his hands up your thighs, grabbing your panties and quickly pulling them down your legs. “Might as well commit to it, then.”

His hands rest on your knees and his eyes flick between your face and what your fingers are doing between your thighs. 

“Push 'em in,” he demands.

“I’m sorry,” you pant, pausing to let out a moan. “You lost your opportunity to participate in my orgasm when you wouldn’t give me one.”

Cal smirks and shakes his head. “Baby, what did I tell you in the car? Stop being a brat. You want to get off, you go right ahead, but understand there are consequences for your actions.”

Your body shudders at both his tone and the look in his eye. You decide to follow his instructions and push two fingers in. Cal uses a ring clad hand to smack your thigh. “Calum!” You whimper. 

“That’s good, baby, use your other hand to rub your clit, small circles. Just like I would.” 

He lets you work, waiting for you to get close, something he can easily tell just by the way you breathe. “Eyes on me,” he commands. Your eyes pop open at the tone and you have to watch as he slowly undoes his belt buckle, gently pulling it through the loops, his long fingers sliding over the smooth leather. He folds it in half and carefully drags it up your thigh. “C’mon darlin’, you wanted to make yourself cum and I’m getting tired of waiting on you.” 

Suddenly, it clicks in your brain: his attitude, how demanding he’s being, the fact that you know he plans to use that belt on you in at least one way… he’s attempting to give you what you asked for and he’s showing no signs of breaking character like he usually does.

You take your time, really enjoying your building climax, working your fingers perfectly. Your head turns so you can bite the bed spread as you cum, your breathing indicating how hard it is. Cal watches with disdain as you relax, looking completely satisfied. 

He gives you a look that soaks you again in an instant. He leans over you. “So you think you can do it better than me?” 

“Just showing you I can do it for myself.” 

He stands and pulls at his lip, shaking his head in disbelief. “Get naked, leave the heels on.” 

His tone says not to test him so you quickly push yourself up to strip the dress and bralette off. He takes your hand and pulls you forward a bit, he trails his fingers and the belt across your skin, raising goosebumps as he goes, across your stomach and down the backs of your thighs, across your ass and over your nipples. 

He grabs your jaw for a rough kiss, bites your lip and then turns you around, shoving you face first over the bed. His hand smooths over your ass first, but even still, you don’t expect the spank with his belt right across your ass. He delivers two more that land across your thighs. 

You whimper and you can almost feel his hesitation until he speaks. “What’s your color, baby?” His voice is confident and strong as it leaves his mouth. 

“Green, green, green, so fucking green, Cal. Never been more green in my life.” It almost sounds like begging, even in your own ears.

You quickly lose count after four more spanks but you don’t mind, the sting will live with you for days and at this point you’re craving it. 

“So pretty and red, baby,” he murmurs, using his ring clad hands to squeeze your ass. Your body tenses, the rings are cool and against the sting, it hurts in the best way. “Now, let’s get you in a more agreeable position, yeah?” You don’t answer because you know it’s rhetorical. You whimper as he grabs your hair close to your scalp and pulls you to the floor, on your knees. “Hands” is all he says and you offer them right up. 

Cal wraps the belt around your wrists, securing them together. He taps your hands and you try to pull them apart, showing him they are solidly held together by the leather. His hands cup your neck, thumbs caressing your jaw. “Your mouth is so good, baby, think I wanna feel it around my cock again. Wanna be my good girl?” 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as you nod. “Yes, Daddy.”

You watch his jaw flex as he makes a big show of undressing himself, acutely aware of the way you’re hungrily watching his fingers work over his buttons, the way you lick your lips as even more of his body is revealed to you.

Your eyes become fixated on the way his underwear strains against his hard cock and you wait with eager anticipation for him to peel them off. You know the tip will be red and leaking, and you’re aching to see it. 

Without even thinking, you lean forward, mouthing over the fabric, feeling the warmth radiate from his cock, tasting the salty spot the precum has left. 

He sighs, but it’s not pleasurable, it’s… disappointment? 

“Just when I thought you were starting to behave.” His tone drips with disdain as he pushes your forehead back so you’re upright. He pulls his cock out with one hand, the other gently rubbing your neck and you get an idea of what to prepare yourself for. He strokes himself a couple times, before pushing his underwear down and stepping toward you.

He taps his cock on your cheek a couple times, then drags the tip over your lips, leaving a trail of salty precum. You hold back from licking your lips, even though you desperately want to. He pulls his cock up, runs the underside over your lips until his balls are at your mouth. “Suck,” he instructs. You quickly open your mouth to comply. “Isn’t it more fun when we play together?” He asks tauntingly.

With your mouth full, you agree, moaning around his balls. He pulls away and looks at you expectantly. “Yes, Daddy,” you sigh. 

His lips part in a soft but audible moan. He pushes the hair off your face and grabs his cock again, placing the tip back at your lips. “You ready for this?” He watches as you nod and open your mouth. He lets you slick him up, watching as you take more and more of him into your mouth, trying to prepare yourself. He pushes you back, letting his cock fall out of your mouth. “Don’t think you’re quite getting there, baby… open up.” 

You look up at him, confused as to what you did wrong and when you see the look on his face, you open your mouth as requested. He gives you an intense stare for a beat before leaning down to spit into your open mouth. Your eyes widen and your chest heaves with excitement; a low growl escapes his throat as he watches you react to your fantasy being fulfilled. 

“That what you wanted?” He asks sternly, though his eyes betray him and you can see his desperate need to please you lurking behind them.

“Yes, Daddy, yes,” you babble, heart pounding in your eyes. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Good.”

You know the thrill is showing on your face, you feel it coursing through your veins, pooling between your thighs. He shoves you back to your knees and pushes his cock past your lips, grabbing your head to set his own quick pace. 

He only slows when he finally works himself into your throat, moaning out loud while you try to moan around his cock too. He holds you all the way on his cock for several long seconds, until he can feel the tears from your eyes on his own skin. He pulls his cock all the way out and cups your chin, bending to meet you at eye level. “Good girl.” 

He pulls you up by the belt around your wrists, only to shove you face down over the side of the bed. He grabs your ass in his hand, squeezing tight. “Baby girl,” he sighs, wrapping his hand around his cock and smacking it across your ass cheeks before spitting between them, the saliva running down your skin making it that much easier for him to rut his cock against your ass. “Been waiting to be in your sweet cunt all night. Didn’t realize how tough you’d make it, how sidetracked I’d have to get.” 

He finally stops fucking around and slicks his tip through your folds. He sinks into your pussy with a deep moan, bottoming out easily, eliciting a loud moan from you. He slowly pulls out and drives his hips back in, producing a loud smack as your bodies meet. You hear his breathing become labored as he picks up the pace. 

“Fuck… Daddy… feels so good,” you moan. 

He instantly responds, grabbing your hair to pull you up against his body. He growls in your ear as you arch against him, his cock hitting deeper. His hand wraps around your neck and he gently rubs it, grunting in your ear. “So fucking hot watching you suck my cock, eat my cum at dinner, always such a naughty little thing for me,” he praises, letting you go and pushing you back down, chest on the bed. 

He continues driving his hips, grunting, growling at you, his hands going to work on your already sore ass. You still still feel his rings digging into your skin as he grabs handfuls of your ass, feel the way they almost bite as he starts moving your body to meet him.

“Oh… fuck.” It’s a gravelly moan from the back of his throat. His hands grip your ass tightly as he slows, his cum spilling into you. He pushes all the way in and leans over your body, his chest pressing into your back as he sweeps the hair off the back of your neck, pressing soft kisses on the skin he’s uncovered. He leaves sloppy open mouth kisses down your spine, slowly pulling out as he goes. 

He grabs your hip and easily flips you onto your back. You bring your hands down and he quickly unfastens the belt, tossing it to the side. He leans in for a kiss, passionate and slow. “Color?” He murmurs in your ear. 

“Still green,” you say softly, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He kisses the tip of your nose and then he’s on the floor, on his knees between your thighs. 

He pushes them further apart, making quick work of the mess his cum has made on your thighs, nipping and leaving hickeys as he goes. He pulls your thighs over his shoulders and wraps his arms around them, quickly licking into you with no other warning. Your fingers are instantly in his hair, moans spilling out left and right. “Oh fuck, Daddy,” you moan, desperately pulling him closer to you. He gently nibbles your clit, enjoying your sounds the way he always does. 

When you feel yourself get close, you let out a breathy “Cal, Daddy, please… wanna cum.” 

He pulls his head back a little and slides his tongue up and down your clit, “Good girl for asking… but I’m not ready for you to cum yet.” You groan as his thumb replaces his tongue on your clit and he goes back to kissing and sucking on your thighs, nibbling your skin. 

He can tell you’re getting too close so he pulls his thumb away as well. His hands set to work caressing your body, feeling over your curves while his mouth continues pressing kisses along your thighs. You whimper out his hame a few times, arch your body into his touch as his hands work up and down your sides and stomach, cupping your breasts, toying with your nipples. You press your hands over his, coaxing him into squeezing harder, feeling more. 

“Baby, please…” you moan. “Just wanna cum for you.”

“I’m not sure you’re ready yet,” he teases. “You were a brat for quite a while tonight.” 

“I know… I’m sorry, Daddy, please just let me cum,” you whine. 

“Ok, baby girl, ok.” He presses light kisses on your thighs, working back up to your pussy. His arms clasp around your thighs, lips wrapping around your clit and he holds you down as he starts to suck and lick over your clit. 

“Ahh, ahh, ahh… fuck!” You moan, pulling his hair, digging your nails into the back of his neck as you finally cum. 

He licks into you, cleaning you up as you come down. You pull him up when you can’t take anymore, pressing your mouth to his, licking past his lips. 

The kisses are noisy and needy, but slowly turn into something caring and reassuring, from both sides. You lock your legs around his waist, keeping him as close to you as possible. You kiss for a while longer and then he’s gently pushing away to undo the heels still on your feet, taking just as much care as he takes them off as when he helped you put them on. 

“I know this was all a little out of your comfort zone so I really appreciate you and all the effort you put into tonight,” you say softly. 

Cal tosses your shoes aside, kissing each of your feet before laying down next to you. He pulls your body to his so he can wrap you in your favorite blanket and him. “It doesn’t always have to be about me, though, baby. You deserve to have everything you want, love. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, I’m glad I was able to deliver on something you wanted.” He kisses your forehead before pulling back to study your face as he asks, “How’s your ass feelin’? I really did a number on you.”

You grin, the dull ache a satisfying reminder of the experience you just had. “It’s gonna be a rough couple days but definitely worth it.”

“I’ve got lotion for it, too. Figure we can shower once we catch our breath and then I can fix you right up,” he murmurs, lips attaching to your forehead once more. “Did I forget anything? Anything you’d change?” 

“My love, it was perfect, from dinner to the bedroom antics to the belt to the spit… once I put it all together… holy fuck, Calum, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so excited.” 

“Bet you thought I was just being moody,” he chuckles, pushing your hair off your face, threading his fingers through. “I’d do anything to make you happy,” he hums, slotting your lips together. 

You deepen the kiss and pull him tighter. “If I didn’t know before, I definitely do now, love. Thank you.” 

[kaleidoscopeminds]

the cat's plan

pairing: cake rating: t words: 11,449 tags: roommates, friends to lovers, cats, fluff

Calum would like it to go on the record that Luke never wanted to keep the cat in the first place. Luke would argue that’s not entirely true. Not that it matters anyway, because when Calum shows up in their flat after work, hoodie soaked through, a pitiful mewing coming from his pocket and a beseeching look in his eyes, there was no way Luke would have had it in him to say no.

A fic for the @5sos-fic-fest prompt fic event

[completemessash]

Make you feel better (a.i.)

notes: this is my first post, yayyyy. feedback, reblogs and comment are greatly appreciated! also follow me for more and requests are open! ❤️

Warnings: boyfriend Ashton, established relationship, blowjob, swallowing, hair pulling, dirty talk, Ashton x reader

×××

Ashton's eyes were half closed as he stared at the ceiling. He had been working on new songs the past days, almost non stop and he was visibly exhausted.

You had offered him his favourite drink, to watch his favourite show with him and asked what he wanted to eat.

He had only replied with a shake of his head or a grunting sound that said no.

But you wanted to make him feel good, he deserved to feel better, he deserved everything.

"Ash?", you tried again, reaching out to brush your knuckles over his thigh.

His eyes slipped closed but he once again didn't say anything.

"Let me make you feel better", you whispered and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

Finally, his tired eyes met yours. "You don't have to do anything, baby. I'm just being a little dramatic."

You shook your head no immediately.

"You worked all week, babe"

"S just music"

"Which doesn't mean it can't be exhausting"

He bit his lip at that. He knew you were right but often he felt like he shouldn't complain about hos job when you worked a hard 9 to 5 job and he got to tour the world and write music.

"Okay?", you asked for reassurance and he smiled. He tried to hold it back by biting his lip once more but he couldn't hide his excitement from you.

"A little something would be nice, I can't deny that", he said coyly.

That was all you needed to slip off the couch and between his already willingly spread thighs.

Your nimble fingers opened his fly, tugging of his pants with your help and letting his underwear follow. He was only half hard but that would be changed soon.

"Babe", he murmured when you didn't start with what you both knew he wanted and instead kissed his hips, slightly biting the soft skin and occasionally 'accidentally' letting his cock brush your jaw or cheek.

His soft curved lips escaped a small gasp when you finally took his tip into your mouth. You made sure to keep your teeth hidden and your tongue dipping into his slit, while your left hand stroked his cock to full hardness.

"Y/N", he moaned your name when you leaned down further and took him into your mouth as far as you could. A pinch to his thigh indicated what you wanted him to do: use you.

"Fuck, fuck", he groaned when his hands grabbed onto your hair and pushed you down until your nose was just barely touching his pelvis. You were choking and struggling to keep breathing but it was okay. He needed this and you wanted to give him everything he wanted even if it meant you were going to die from it. Of course you weren't gonna die and he wouldn't let that happen but you knew that you would do it for him. And he would do the same for you.

An almost high pitched moan pulled you from your thoughts and brought you back to reality. Ashton was thrusting his hips up from the couch, fucking your mouth slowly with his hands still gripping your hair. But you wanted him to moan louder than those small sounds and his hands to be restlessly pulling while his hips stuttered.

So you increased your pace and soon he was following your wish.

"Y/N, fuck", he groaned as his hips gained speed and you felt tears brim your eyes, "You suck my dick so fucking good - love - love when you're such a g - good girl for me"

You let out an appreciative moan that made Ashton throw his head back on the couch, hips thrusting up even more and you had to sig your nails into his thighs to stop the urge to pull off. He was so far down your throat, you couldn't even imagine how sinful the outline of his big hard cock in your cheeks must have looked.

"I'm about to-", he warned you in case you wanted to pull of but you just moaned again and bobbed your head against his thrusts. He noticed the way you couldn't help but spread your own thighs, rolling your hips towards the floor to have it rub over your center but he didn't comment on it. You both knew he was going to do that later and you were already excited for the taunting way he would speak about you having to get yourself off because sucking him off made you so wet.

For now, you were both concentrated on Ashton's hard cock that was starting to twitch lightly in your mouth.

"Fuck, fuck, ah", he moaned louder than before and the same moment he pulled your hair so hard it stung just a little more than you were comfortable with, he cock was spurting into your mouth.

Hot cum was hitting the back of your throat and through watery eyes you watched his eyes squeeze shut and his mouth hang wide open. He was so hot when he was like this and even though you were well aware that you weren't the first one to see him like this, he had promised you often enough that he wanted you to be the last. He was made for you and he wanted you to keep him.

"Show me", his voice was raspy when he asked you, his softening dick resting on his hip.

You obeyed him, all to eager to be that good girl he had called you, and opened your mouth for him.

His fingers danced over your jaw as he hummed like he was considering whether he liked you showing him his cum that was slowly starting tö drip out one of the corners of your mouth so he had to push it back in with his fingers.

He loved it, you both knew that, it made him feel like you belonged to him.

"Good girl, baby", he finally approved and you smiled, then swallowed the sticky mess. For some reason you always loved the taste of it even though to most people cum was disgusting. Maybe it was just him and his tasted good. Too bad that no one else would ever taste it, you thought cockily.

"How do you feel?", you asked when you got off your knees, helping him back into his pants and cuddling into his side. Partly to make sure he wasn't going to get up and go right back to recording music.

"Good", he smiled and pressed a kiss to your swollen lips, "but shouldn't I be asking you that?"

You shrugged. "This was about you, Ash, just for you. Just wanted to make you feel better"

"I'm always better when you're with me"

He laughed when you called him a sap and hit his chest.

Later on, when he asked to repay the favor and you said he didn't have to but he was insisting because getting you off gave him just as much pleasure as you getting him off, you weren't calling him that anymore.

[halfyourheart]

I wanna occupy your brain / Be the only livin' space in your head

criminal minds muke moodboard for aerie (@arishemmo ) 💜

[igarbagecannoteven]

hi!! just read your cake at the craft store fic and thought I'd introduce myself on here :) you're a talented writer and seem like a lovely person!

oh my gosh thank you so much! that's so sweet of you 🥰i'm so glad you enjoyed my work! (and thank you so much for the lovely comment on ao3!) also love your handles on both ao3 and here, i'm a big fan of herons myself 😊

[tirednotflirting]

hi what’s up im thinking about all the fics ive read where the vibes were good but then there was a Moment where a background ship was given some attention and the whole fic just immediately got like three more layers of depth and the story skyrocketed to the top of my faves.

ya know?

[softzindagi]

tell me why i decided i was gonna do a future fic and then have to write lyrics bc i wanna be cheesy but i dont know the FIRST THING about writing songs

EDIT i failed and did not try again

[kindahoping4forever]

Cashton @ The 5SOS Show Tour - 21 August 2023

[starvinginbelair]

photo of you in mind (on the table, under lights)

Ashton isn't sure what compels him to do it.

Or, 5 times Ashton takes a photo of Luke and the 1 time he doesn't. (And the 1 time Luke takes a photo of him)

[suchalonelysunflower]

Happier Than Ever (Stay) (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem!Singer! Reader

Summary: Based on the songs Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish and Stay by Post Malone. pt 2 of YOYOK. You go back to L.A and old friends open old wounds

Warnings: ANGST. This is very, very based on my own experience so this is my therapy session with you guys, sorry. Mentions of abuse, death, melancholia, psychological abuse, sad times, curse words. And grammar errors (I didn't even check twice, I'm sorry)

Word Count: 8.7 k

Author's Note: Hey, I'm back because I've missed you and I needed to get this fit out of my chest and survive it. Please, if you like it reblog it and comment, I love to know your thoughts. SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS THAT WE'RE GETTING FEWER AND FEWER HERE. Thank you. Hope you like it and happy reading

YOYOK / Masterlist

“Hey,… I know it’s been a long time since we last saw each other. I’ve heard the new album is coming along great, I’m so happy for you. You… You seem happy, or at least that’s what I can see on social media. I just- I heard you were coming back home- I mean, L.A for some time and well, I was wondering if we could catch up? If you don’t have a place to stay maybe you could crash into mine, like the old times. But you probably already… Anyhow, just call me or text me if you want to. I would really love to-”

When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever Wish I could explain it better I wish it wasn't true

You love the feeling of being above the clouds. So close to the sky that you marveled on the technological advances that allowed you to feel free.

“Mom, look!” You thought “I’m in the clouds, so high above. Is this the feeling you were always dreaming about?”

A pang of nostalgia stabbed your heart, wishing your mom could be there with you experiencing all of this. But she was back at home, safe and sound on the surface. You knew it was for the best, that you could miss her a little bit more before your heart begged you to go and visit, even when your mind knew better than to believe those rose colored glasses of memory.

Was it the feeling of familiarity that made you feel safe even when it hurt? Maybe. Still, you wish you could’ve shown the world to her, give her everything on a silver platter and say “Mom, I did it. I can take care of you now”

What would she say?

You know she’s proud and she’s thankful for everything you’ve done for her. Still, it doesn’t feel like enough. Her eyes just won’t shine the same way; her smile would change; and the hug won’t ever feel as comforting as you’d expected. Your heart would tell you that she loves you, but your mind would always go back to those moments where you doubted it could ever be unconditional. So you’ve learned to miss her a little bit longer each time. Longer until you learn to miss her for the rest of your life.

It was not a foreign feeling, but it was one that you learned to feel and apply to your life. With time you’ve known the patterns, you’ve learned to grow and let go because that’s not the energy you need to spend even a bit of your mind over. You could miss the happy moments but know that they don’t fit anywhere with the person you want to be most. For your own good, you needed to learn how to let go.

The path was not easy - having to teach your heart not to bleed itself dry for the memory of past times. All the tears and the hurt, it was all part of healing what other people broke. So, the beauty of the cracks made you see just how worthy you are. Even if sometimes the water leaks and your mind starts a whirlwind of doubt, you would never come back to the person you used to be when the people that you loved most didn’t love you as you deserved.

Since then, you found yourself thriving. Not only in your career as a musician, with your lyrics that resonated with a lot of people and even made you gain a considerable number of new fans; but, also with yourself. You started loving more freely, more authentically. you saw yourself in a better light and wished people from your past could see just how much better you are without them. Not to be mean or to gloat, but for them to know that you didn’t cave, that life was meant to be lived and you will be doing just that even if they’re not part of it anymore. You wanted them to be happy for you, just as happy as you are for them.

Still, it scared you to go back to L.A, a place that has seen you at your worst and was the cause of your declining mental health. Even if it was for a short period of time, you knew you couldn’t stay there. Your place, the place that you belong was somewhere across the sea; far from anything and anyone that could make you feel like you once did. Like you didn’t matter.

Yet, no process of healing is ever complete until the cycle of hurt is broken. There were some things in your chest that begged for you to say them. Now it was time to let them out. And, if you were honest, a tiny bit of curiosity tied itself to that feeling. There were just too many unanswered questions still left hanging in thin air. The problem was that you didn’t know if you’d like the answers.

“Hey, Y/N” Your agent called your attention as she sat next to you “I need to confirm the last dates for your airbnb, are you sure you want to shorten your stay?”

You smiled softly at her “Yeah, I will be staying with some friends after”

“Okay, but are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. There’s a lot of things we need to catch up”

Every time we make-up, the truth is fading' Everybody's blind when the view's amazing'

It was weird to feel foreign in a place that helped shape you into the person you are now. But, then again, L.A never felt like home. Australia didn’t either, even though that’s what you’ve been saying in all the interviews when they asked what’d you miss more from home. “My family, the sweets, my friends, the sun…” But the sun did shine in other places; your family, you realized, never made any difference; the sweets could be ordered online; and your friends… Your friends changed. In the end, home never felt like home because you could create it everywhere you’d go.

There just places you’ve been. Home is something else, something you haven’t found yet.

Still, if you had to admit something is that the sun in L.A shines differently than in other places. It always seemed like you were entering a strange dimension, always playing “Something about the sunshine” on loop inside your mind.

You’ve been there a month and so. Enough time to have meetings and writing retreats that lasted a weekend. You’ve been to social required events, just as you do every couple of months to show your agency that you do know just how lucky you are. You’ve been to concerts, gave concerts, left concerts early to go and drink some wine curled up with a book in your bathtub in the hotel room. A small holiday mixed with a little bit of work, you’d say.

But you were leaving in a week, and there are still some things left on the schedule.

You sighed as you grabbed your bag from the sidewalk. The driver was kind enough to offer his assistance, but you would much rather face this by yourself first. During the drive you’ve imagined what it would feel like. Seeing him again. You wondered if your heart was beating faster than usual because of excitement or anxiety. In all honesty you didn’t know what to expect or even if you should be expecting something out of this experience.

Yet, you made up your mind to try and heal this. Get the answers that you longed for and be able to move on completely free. So, once the car drove away, you walked up to the door you’ve only seen in pictures before, and rang the bell.

For a moment you wondered if he remembered. Hoping that, in the end, his proposal of having you as his guest wasn’t just a passing comment he made. After all, you didn’t know when you’ll be back in the city or if your schedule would ever be as free in L.A as it is now. And even if he forgot and didn’t expect you, well, you can’t say you’d be surprised. Thank goodness for back-up plans.

“Coming!” You heard moments before the door opened, barely giving you time to prepare.

There he was. His hair was longer, somewhat a few tones lighter than the last time you saw him. His eyes took a couple of blinks to recognize you, changing the gleam in that hazel color you used to share so many secrets with. He smiled at you, the ghost of a laugh hidden in the dimples you used to poke at lunchtime, claiming that it wasn’t fair that he got to be the pretty one of the two of you. And for a moment, the man standing in front of you was the same kid you met all those years back, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey!” Ashton sang with a laugh, stepping closer into your space and hugging you with one arm as the other took your bag out of your hands “I’m so glad to see you! It’s been so long”

“Yeah,” You softly said, pulling back just enough to analyze his face “Thanks for the invite, Ash”

“Of course! I know you’re not a big fan of hotels anyway and, you know, it’s good to have you back. You’re always welcome to stay here when you’re in town”

He opened his arm toward the door and invited you in. You tried not to think about the fact that this was the first time you stepped foot into his house ever since he moved to L.A. He invited you before when you first moved, but schedules were complicated back then and after a while he stopped offering.

It was hard to think that once you used to live at his house back in Australia. Always trying to escape whatever nonsense was happening over at yours. At some point, you lost count how many times you ended up napping on his bed while he played some dumb internet game on his computer or watched a really dumb movie because “You don’t understand, Y/N, Seth Rogen is a genius” And you didn’t understand because even then you thought Seth Rogen was a creep, but it didn’t matter. You were in your safe space. You were with him. And he probably didn’t even know just how much that meant to you.

Now as you look around, you couldn’t help but search for that same feeling. A sign telling you it’ll be okay.

“Sorry, I know the living room is a little messy”

You turned to watch him look around the place with a slight blush on his cheeks. You smiled kindly at him.

“It’s okay, I’m not one to talk either” You turned back to the room “This place… suits you. It’s a lot like I imagined. Very artsy, very you”

He looked at you confused for a while “Yeah, I haven’t changed it much since -” He caught himself before he could continue and tried to cover his realization with a cough “No, yeah. Thanks! Come, your room is over here”

Once he settled your bag on the bed you went and sat next to it. Silence falling over the two of you as he stood awkwardly at the door.

“I hope everything is-”

“Everything is lovely, Ash” You smiled “Thank you”

He nodded and looked away. Hands hid inside of his pockets as he thought of the right thing to say. But nothing seemed to come to mind.

Suddenly, you felt out of place. Incredibly conscious that maybe you were an inconvenience now that you were there. Maybe, after all, he didn't want you there. You wanted to take this chance to meet him and talk, knowing you couldn’t just pretend that the years of separation and the strangeness you now felt toward each other didn’t exist. Yet, judging by his stand, there might not be a chance to bring those old moments back.

“So, how long are you staying in L.A for?” He asked. And he must’ve seen the way your face fell in disappointment for he quickly followed by saying “Not that I’m not happy that you’re here, of course, I invited you. Just wondering because that bag is just-”

“Oh. Yeah, no. My other bags are still at the hotel”

“The hotel?”

“Yeah, I just asked my team if I could leave them there since we leave in a week and I don’t need much to get by while I’m here and so…”

“Wait,” Ashton shook his head “You’ve been in L.A for a while now?”

“A month or so”

“And you didn’t tell me? Y/N, I offered you a place to stay for a reason”

You frowned “Ash, I did tell you. Last time we texted to see when I was arriving, I told you I was already here”

“No, you said-” He protested as he took out his phone and you watched him scroll down to your conversation. His words got caught up once he read those messages again “I- I though-”

“I have been incredibly busy these past few days, hence why I didn’t want to inconvenience you with my crazy schedule and all. This last week is all I have to relax and so I thought that we could catch up this week before I leave?”

“No, no, no yeah, you’re totally right.” He said, running a hand through his face, embarrassedly “I’m just an idiot”

You looked at him quizzically.

“Everything okay, Ash?”

“I thought we had more time, that’s all” He smiled softly at you “Anyway, ready for tonight?”

“Tonight?” You asked, a small smile forming in your face.

“Yeah! I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate your new album!”

Ashton started to dance awkwardly, making you laugh as you shook your head at him.

“You really don’t have to do that, you know?”

“I want to!” He said “You’ll see, just be ready by seven”

He clapped his hands and left the room. A warm feeling spread through your chest on the fact that he wanted to celebrate you and your success. It finally felt like he cared, like he hasn’t forgotten about you. This really was a chance to put all bad things in the past and start anew.

Or at least, that’s what you hoped.

You scared me to death, but I'm wasting my breath 'Cause you only listen to your fucking friends

Fuck off and pour another drink And tell me what you think You know that I'm too drunk to talk right now

You knocked on his door at fifteen past seven. You decided to wear your favorite light blue top with black, wide leg pants and some low heels. You didn’t really know where he was supposed to take you or how you should dress, so you went with the most comfortable but chic thing you could find given that you didn’t plan to go out as much.

When Ashton opened his door you took a step back to look at him. He was wearing jeans and a wide, white shirt. You could feel your cheeks blush, and had to look down to hide it. It was an awful familiar feeling that you thought you could leave behind knowing that it was extremely pointless to feel the way you once did.

And just like all those years back, he didn’t notice. But for the first time you were glad he didn’t.

“Sorry I made you wait” He said with a smile, closing the door behind him.

“It’s okay,” You said, looking up with a shy smile.

Ashton walked past you to grab his keys, the path he created with his cologne left you dumbfounded for a minute. It was a different smell, one that you weren’t familiar with.

“Why do you have so many colognes?” You asked him once, walking over to his small desk while he wrote what was left of his assignment. Ashton looked up and chuckled when he saw you puffing them into the air to smell them and making faces at each one “They’re mostly presents from my family. I think my aunts were trying to tell me something last year”

“Well, at least they have good taste” You said, trying on the one that had a clear, almost orangy color bottle “Yeah, I’m taking this one home”

“No the hell you’re not!” He got up and took the bottle away from you, raising his arm over his head so that you couldn't catch it. It was his favorite pastime to remind you just how short you were back then “This is my favorite one!”

“You never use it!”

“I will!”

After a couple more tries to grab it from his hands you saw yourself surrender and falling onto his bed again “If you don’t wear it at least five times a week, I’ll take it”

“Deal” He said with a smile, throwing one of his hoodies at you from the floor “And then you will hate it so much because it’ll remind you too much of me that you won’t even want it afterward”

You never told him that it would be the opposite.

Next thing you know, Ashton has parked and was getting out of the car. You looked around and you were surrounded by nice streets and expensive houses. You opened the door and looked over at Ashton who was nodding his head toward one of the houses.

“C’mon” He said with a smile.

“Where are we? Is this a new restaurant I haven’t heard about or…?” “What? No,” He chuckled, ringing the doorbell “Is my friend Andrew’s home. He invited us over for dinner to celebrate that he came back from tour as well”

You were at a loss for words, “He invited us?”

“Yeah, I told him you were coming. Why, what’s wrong?”

A lot. You wanted to tell him. A lot was wrong. How could he not see what he was doing? If he had told you that you were just going to a friend’s house then you wouldn’t have looked so out of place, or feel like a fish out of water. You didn’t know who this Andrew was, you didn’t even know if Ash had actually told them that you were coming or if you’re just going to turn up at this reunion/party for his friend. He said it was to celebrate you.

But before you could voice your concerns to him, the door opened and a guy with a big mop of hair jumped in to hug him.

“Dude! I’m so happy you could make it!” He - Andrew, apparently - smiled widely at Ash, chatting with him for a minute before he noticed you standing beside him “Oh, hi!”

“Hi,” You smiled shyly, extending your hand in greeting knowing Ashton was not going to introduce you judging by the face he just made, seemingly embarrassed of that fact “I’m Y/N”

“Of course!” Said Andrew, shaking your hand and pulling you in for a kiss on the cheek that you weren’t expecting “I heard so much about you, I didn’t know you were friends with this guy here”

“Yeah! We’re friends since the old Australian days” Ashton said, smiling at you “Y/N here dropped by for a visit since she’s doing a lil business around L.A”

You smiled tensely during that small exchange. Wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the car and wait for everything to be over.

One of the reasons you left L.A was because nothing ever felt right. For years you tried to fit in into the scene, going to parties and hosting them with a bunch of people who didn’t even know your last name. You were never good at making new friends, that is to say once you’ve established a relationship with someone then friendship would just roll around the corner. But everyone here was moving so fast it was almost impossible to even wish for a deeper connection with someone.

When you first moved, you thought it would be like a great new beginning. Yet you’ve never felt more alone. The only people you knew were from your team and from Ashton’s band, but even then they turned into more acquaintances given just how little time they seemed to spend in the city.

And maybe Ashton knew that. Maybe he was trying to fix that and give you some opportunities to mix with his group of friends; something you’ve been wanting to do since you moved here all those years ago. Still, something fell… off about all of this.

After the guys talked a little bit more, finally Andrew invited you in. There, you found a group of people you’ve never met hanging around the living room. Plastic cups and ashtrays were scattered around the room as a tinted, light smoke served to decorate the place and give you just an idea of the state of most attendees.

As you walked by, people started to come up to Ash, greeting him and spending a few minutes catching up. Not one of them turned to look at you for more than a second or even gave you the courtesy to say hi. Ashton didn’t seem to notice it at first, but there would come the rare occasion that he would introduce you to some of the groups that started forming around him.

It was not a rare sight for you. Back in school he was the popular one, always friendly with countless people you didn’t even see around school that often.

“This is Y/N, she’s here promoting her new album!” He’d say.

“Wait, I know you!” One of the strangers said, their smile totally welcoming “Taylor Swift gave you a few shout-outs recently, didn’t she?”

You smiled “Yeah! I had a chat with her at a label party a few days back. She’s amazing. We talked about collabing soon, maybe a writing session next time she flies out to the U.K”

“Damn, that’s awesome! I’m Laura, by the way” They said, extending her hand toward you “Ash, why didn’t you bring her along on one of our trips?”

Ashton chuckled “C’mon L, well…”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s our style. No offense” A guy next to them said. You frowned

“What do you mean?” You smiled awkwardly “Have you heard my songs before or-?”

“Nah, it ain’t that. It’s just- We don’t go Taylor Swift’s style”

You could feel your heart beating loudly inside your chest as you looked between Ashton and the other guy, hoping that Ash would intervene “But I’m not Taylor”

Once again you looked toward Ash, but his eyes were cast down to the bottle of beer that he held in his hands. You couldn’t help the disappointment that came over you then.

“Hey man, not cool” Laura said, locking your arms together as they pulled you away “Don’t mind him, he’s high out his mind right now. C’mon, let’s get a bit drunk”

They took you to the main couches and sat next to you. Your cheeks were a bit red from the humiliation. How could you have expected Ashton to defend you? He said it before that your music didn’t go with his vibes and that it was not really his thing, so why would he help you now?

“Those guys can be assholes sometimes. I love them, but they’re so…” Laura trailed off, looking over at you “But hey, forget about them. Tell me a little bit about yourself, how do you know Ash?”

You ended up telling them your whole story. About how you met when you were kids and how he was your best friend. How lonely you felt when he moved away the first time. And how excited you were to see him again after your big break, but that life got in the way. You probably told them more than you should’ve, but the drinks were soft and the room was crowded. And for the first time in the evening someone was actually willing to listen, curious to know you rather than know about you.

“That seems like a whole adventure” They smiled, “And when was the last time you saw Ash before deciding to come and stay with him?”

It wasn’t that long ago, a year or so earlier, when you gave a secret concert in London when you released your last album. He was standing in the corner, smiling at you as you sang. It was the first time since you told him you were moving a couple of years prior. You both kept following each other on social media, but that was pretty much it when it came to your relationship. And you were good with it.

You knew they were in the U.K for their tour, Michael and Crystal had asked you for drinks during that same week and you had a great time catching up. So, against your mind’s warning, you started to hope you would run to him soon enough. And when he appeared at the concert, you couldn’t help but smile back.

Afterwards, when you were back in the green room, you asked if he was still out there and to invite him over to chat. But no one from your team saw him; apparently he was already gone by the time you went off the stage. You remember waiting until you went home to allow yourself to cry, even for just a few minutes. That small interaction that seemingly never happened opened the wound back again. And, if you were honest with yourself, that was one of the main reasons why you decided to take on his offer to stay with him. But you didn’t say that.

“I don’t know,” You told them instead, as your eyes landed on Ashton standing a few feet away from you, a lighted joint between his lips as he laughed with people that you haven’t seen before “Since I moved to Scotland, I think. A while before, probably”

If Laura saw the sadness in your eyes, they never mentioned it. They just said “Okay, I think you should be a little bit drunker, my friend”

Hours later you were alone and tipsy sitting at the front porch of Andrew’s home, nursing a cigarette between your fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked” A voice came from behind you.

You sighed, putting the filter in between your lips and taking a long hit before you let the smoke get lost into the night.

“You’re mad.” Ashton said, sitting next to you

“And you’re high”

“So we’re both telling the truth tonight” He chuckled, you didn’t “When did you pick up this habit?”

“I don’t know,” You answer honestly. “It was better than drinking myself to death back in Australia. It helps with my anxiety”

“What do you-”

“Alcohol makes you fat.” You deadpanned as you took another hit “I didn’t want my mom to have yet another reason for her nagging”

“Y/N-”

“But she’s not here so,” You passed him your empty cup, still not looking at him “Bring me another one, please?”

Ashton sighed “I think you had enough,”

“You will just never stop making decisions for me, are you?” You stood up, killing the cigarette after one last blow “I know what I’m doing, Ash. I’m a fucking adult, if you haven’t realized. I don’t need you to tell me what to do”

His eyes widened. He parted his lips as if to say something, looking over his shoulder back at the party. You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t worry, your friends can’t listen to what I’m saying. Your reputation will still be intact and they will still love everything that comes out of your mouth”

“Hey,” Ashton said with a bit of a bark “Don’t talk about them like that”

You pressed your lips on a tight smile, looking at him as your eyes filled with tears. You couldn’t believe that he was defending them like that from just a simple comment, but left you completely alone when they were making worse comments at you.

“Fuck, Y/N” He said, frustrated “I’m trying here, you know? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! You don’t want to talk to me, you moved across the world. You still talk to the guys-”

“They’re my friends,”

“I was your friend too!” He shouted, surprising you “And I want this to work. I want you here, with me. But if you don’t want to be here and go back to your fucking hotel- I want us to work!”

“Why am I here, Ash?”

“C’mon, don’t be like that! I just wanted you to meet a few people, celebrate your new album-”

“Yet none of them cared to get to know me, nor you to introduce me and actually wanting to celebrate with me” You took a deep breath and sighed “Give me the keys to the house, I want to leave”

Ashton shook his head.

“You’re angry. I get that”

“No, Ash. I’m tired and I want to go to bed” You said more firmly this time “Give me the keys and I’ll call an Uber”

“I’ll take you!”

“The fuck you aren’t” You laughed, not a hint of humor in your voice “You’re high with more than just weed apparently. I’m drunk. I would rather not fucking die tonight, thank you”

“I’m not going to-”

“I don’t want you to! Okay? Fuck, Ash! I don’t feel safe around you!”

You saw the ways his eyes changed, how hurt they looked so suddenly at your words. You knew you wounded him, but it was how you felt. You didn’t trust him, not tonight.

“Y/N…” He said, getting up and walking over to you but you took a step back. He sighed, roaming around his pockets before he found his keys and gave them to you “Text me when you get there, leave the keys by the potted tree”

You answered him with a nod and a small thank you. You didn’t watch him as he turned away and walked by to the house. You didn’t hear Laura, who was watching over from the window, tell him:

“I don’t know what you did, man. But I’ve never seen anyone with such sadness in her eyes”

Damn, who are we right now? Can we have a little conversation? Figure it out with no intoxication We carry on, what is our motivation?

You woke up when you heard footsteps outside of your door. You knew it was him waiting outside, probably debating on whether or not to knock on your door, wanting to talk. There were times in the past where he would just open the door to your room and sit down on the floor next to your bed, waiting for you to start talking or acknowledge him so that he could apologize or talk things through. Sometimes you didn’t need to say anything, you just understood each other. And as he walked away without a word, you wondered where did all those times go?

Where was the friend that would go out with you and wait on the street for a cab to take you home, no matter whom he was with or what you were doing. Where was the friend that when you snuck out to your first concert, he held you close by the waist and covered your body so that none of the beer that people were throwing around got into your clothes or hair. What happened to the friend that would stay awake chatting with you on the phone even though you had an exam early the next morning, all because the guy you liked broke your heart.

Tears rolled down your face as you tossed and turned on the bed. It wasn’t fair, your heart kept begging your brain to understand. It wasn’t fair that you had to lose it all without a warning.

Once upon a time, you thought you had it all as long as Ashton was there. Now, you begin to miss the times where he wasn’t. Times where you learned to be happy without him, where you didn’t need him or his approval. Times where you felt complete even though your best friend was not around anymore. You were better off without him, and learned to live without him. You knew that to be the truth. But one just can’t ignore the past and the mystery of how the person that makes you feel such horrible things about yourself once promised to give you the world and its stars and meant it.

You just couldn’t figure it out. So you just forced yourself to go back to sleep.

When you woke up again a few hours later and made your way to the kitchen, you found freshly made coffee and bagels waiting for you on the counter with a little note next to them:

“I’m sorry, can we talk about it later? XX Ash”

You sighed as you wiped out the tears that clung to your eyelashes. You took a sip of the coffee and found comfort in the heat of the mug.

On the other side of town, Ashton was doing the same thing. His eyes were covered behind dark sunglasses as he thought of what to say once he got home. In front of him, Calum can’t say that he’s impressed from what he’s heard.

“What’s your deal?” He asked his friend.

“I- I don’t know” Ashton answered, biting the inside of his cheek “I thought she would have a good time. She was always cool at coming to those types of parties with me back home, we used to have fun”

“You and I both know she hates parties, and back home she had you. The normal, probably tipsy you, to keep her company” Calum said, taking a bite out of his sandwich “Last week I found her sitting alone while the rest of the world was having a conversation around her. We talked and it was nice, she’s not normally that outgoing on the get-go. She never was”

“You saw her last week?”

“We were invited to Gabriel’s cocktail party. You didn’t want to go, as usual”

“You never told me that-”

“What? That we’re still in contact? Dude, we all talk to her from time to time. We mention her in our conversations every now and then. She’s still our friend”

Ashton sighed, “So she just hates me for no reason?”

“You truly think that Y/N L/N could hate you?” Calum chuckled, “That girl would’ve followed you straight to the end of the world back in Aus. As far as I know, there’s only one person she truly hated”

“Who?” Ashton scoffed “I’m pretty sure our politics teacher was not so bad”

“What? No, Ash-” Calum shook his head “Remember when-” His face went blank “Oh shit,”

“What?”

“You didn’t know?”

Tell me that it's all okay You ruined everything good I've been waitin' on this all damn day Always said you were misunderstood Call me in the morning', tell me how last night went I'm here, but don't count on me to Just fucking leave me alone

He found you sitting outside in one of his garden chairs. A cigarette was hanging from your fingertips as the ashes fell on the floor in a small pile. You didn’t look back at him, for your eyes were staring at the moon that decorated the sky with its beauty.

You felt him come outside and sit on the chair next to you. The sound of a lighter made you blink, and you sighed at his exhale. There was no way he was doing this sober, and you couldn’t blame him. Yet…

“I was hoping we could talk without any of that” You said. “You have your ways and I have mines”

Silence fell over the two of you once again. You could feel his eyes burning holes into your profile, but you didn’t have the courage to look at him just yet.

“When did I stop being your best friend?” He asked.

Tears quickly covered your eyes and you hated that. “Probably around the time when you stopped being mine”

“Y/N-”

“You held me, once. Not the usual hugs that we gave each other, no. This one was different. We were at school, an overnight vigil that the nuns made us do every year”

“Those were fun,” He commented “A huge sleepover at school”

“The theme was about lost ones, remember? I had just lost my grandma that past week”

“I wasn’t at the funeral, I was away on a trip to the city. She was the one that taught you how to bake”

“Yeah,” You chuckled. “Though, I was never good at it once she passed. Anyway, of course I started crying. I’ve already lost so many people back then, and I was barely hanging on. But then - then you held me, so tightly. And my tears left a damp stamp on your shirt. You cradled me and brushed my hair with your fingers and whispered “It’ll be okay, you can cry. It’s okay” and kissed my head as they started to sing. You sang as well and never said a thing about it afterwards. That was the moment I knew I couldn’t have loved you more”

The sound of a cricket broke your monologue, and you allowed yourselves to be fed into the sounds of nature for a while. You knew there were still things left unsaid, so you better get over with it now rather than later. You didn’t want to stay for the aftermath.

“Remember the first time you came back to Australia? I was still living there in the house we grew up in. I was having a shitty day at work, so I went to grab a coffee at our favorite coffee shop with other coworkers when a few of our old friends and classmates came through the door. We said our hellos and caught up, it was nice. Then they had to go. “Who’s coming with me to Ash’s house?” One of them said. I remember asking about it as they argued over who had to take the bus or a cab. They told me you were coming back that day and have invited people over to celebrate”

“Y/N,”

“You invited them. Even people I didn’t know that well and that I know for a fact didn’t know you as well. And don’t try to tell me it was a guys thing, cause you invited girl classmates as well”

Ashton opened his mouth to say something, yet nothing came out. “I was numb as I took a taxi home. I still remember that the radio played “Waiting for Superman” as I tried my hardest not to cry. But when I got into the kitchen, I just couldn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that you were just a door away but didn’t want me there”

“Y/N, I wanted you there” He said, putting his hand on your arm as he leaned closer “I - I know I can’t say anything to fix it now but- I missed you, too”

“It didn’t seem like it” You told him “Every time I learned something about you back then was through a story or a tweet. I learned through the paparazzi who you were with and in which city you were going to sleep next. I saw you living your best life with your friends away from home. And, I get it, we both resented that place and all that we suffered while we were there. I just - I just hoped that my memory was something worth saving, cause my memory of you always was and will always be the best thing that’s happened to me while we were there”

You turned to him and looked him in the eyes “It just hurt to know that while I put you on a pedestal, I was already out of your sight”

“Baby, you know that’s not true” You scoffed “I swear! In my memory, you were always there! Front of the line!”

“Then why-?”

“I was scared, okay?!” He shouted, lowering his eyes in shame “So fucking scared and it’s so stupid!”

“Scared of what?!” You shouted back, willing for him to look you in the eyes “Ashton, for god’s sake just tell me!”

“They told me that you liked me!”

For a moment time stood still. You backed away from him as his words started to make sense. You pulled away your arm, letting his hand grasp the space that you left between the two of you.

“What?”

“People started whispering,” He said, his voice broken as if he were crying “Telling me how good of a couple we could be. How happy you were with me and how in love you looked”

“When was it?”

“At the beginning of our senior year” Ashton admitted, ashamed “I- I already knew that I wanted to get out of Australia. I knew that with the guys we could take the band somewhere massive. So I put my whole soul into it, trying to escape the feelings that would pull me back”

“You thought I was pulling you back” You stated, betrayed.

“No! I was pulling myself back by thinking about it!” Ashton said, finally looking at you and hating the way you were looking at him “I couldn’t risk it”

“Couldn’t risk what?! That I could have feelings for you?!” You stood up “You’re unbelievable! You could’ve asked me! Come to me instead of running away and make me lose part of myself in the process. Parts that I can’t take back, that I can’t love back because of you”

“Y/N!” He tried reaching out to you, but you took a step back.

“No!”

“Y/N, please! Just-!”

He grabbed you by the elbow and pulled you to him. The movement made you lose your balance, tripping over your feet as Ashton maneuvered you to land on top of his lap, holding you by your waist.

The sudden proximity made you lose all the air inside your lungs as you looked at him and his hazel eyes surrounded by red. He looked desperate, pleading with his eyes for something you couldn’t understand. He was breathing hard, his chest colliding against yours where your heartbeats were going as fast as your thoughts. Almost impossible to catch up.

Then, almost without thinking, Ashton launched himself forward and pressed his lips on yours.

The softness of the kiss contrasted the chills that ran up and down your bodies. As you gasped for air, his hand came to tangle itself on your hair, pulling you closer to him as you allowed him to deepen the kiss. He sat back on the chair and pulled you with him, making your legs spread at either side of his hips; never once letting you go as he kissed you over and over again, like a man deprived of something more.

“Y/N,” He whimpered against your lips, making you sigh as his hands roamed your body until they landed on your hips, moving them against lower half “Y/N, please”

Your mind was clouded in smoke, feeling the heat of his kiss along the length of your neck. His words whispered your name, as his movements on your hips became erratic, letting you feel all of him under you.

“Please, please Y/N” He said, kissing and kissing and kissing every part he could find “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

Suddenly, you opened your eyes as you jumped back to reality. Putting a hand on his chest and pulling away from him. Both of you were left panting, as your skin tingled from the contact.

Ashton’s eyes were desperate, looking at you in fear of what you might do. His lips - you imagined - were a mirror of yours, plumb and beat red as your name escaped him in the form of a question. You closed your eyes and let a tear fall across your cheek as you shook your head.

“You don’t get to do this to me” Your voice, a whisper.

“What?” He asked, almost out of breath. But you were already getting off him and turning your step back to the house.

“You don’t get to do this to me!” You yelled through the tears “You don’t get to confuse me all over again. You don’t get to have a half-ass apology followed by a kiss that would make it all better!” You turned to him, poking a finger on his chest “You don’t get to make me hate myself all over again for loving you when you didn’t think it was convenient for you!”

“Y/N!” Ashton pleaded, taking your hand in his before you yanked it away “I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking-!”

“Exactly! You weren’t thinking! You never, not once, thought of me during all of this. Fucking admit it! Trying to get me to come here to patch things up was just such bullshit! You just wanted to make sure that I was still available for you any time you wanted! And don’t say it isn’t fair cause you were not aware of how miserable you made me!”

“That’s not true-”

“Was this just a plot to get me to bed?! Is that what you think of me now?!”

“It’s not true!” Ashton yelled “I know I made a mistake and I’m so fucking sorry! I should’ve never-! Look, I want to patch things up. You were right, goddammit, Y/N, you were right! It took me a long time to realize and fuck! After you moved away I was fucking miserable as well! I- I failed you”

You stood there in front of him, crying silently as he paced desperately.

“Ashton,” You called to him “Ashton, why am I here?”

Suddenly, he stopped and looked at you “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“About what?”

“For fuck’s- About the fact that you were abused, Y/N!” He yelled, leaving you speechless “Right after I left! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

You swallowed hard “It was none of your business-”

“You told Calum” He accused “You told Calum and you never told me. Why? Maybe it was not just me who was a shitty friend to you, after all, if you were going to keep things like that from me”

“How fucking dare you, Ashton Irwin. How fucking dare you?” You pushed him away “I told Calum by mistake! I didn’t mean to do it and it was years after it happened. And because I didn’t think you would care!”

“What?” He broke down, putting his hands on his knees for balance as he looked at you in tears “How- Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s the truth,” You cried “Just like you said, you had big dreams and a massive opportunity and I was just going to pull you back. Ashton, you just justified everything I thought it was true with that sentence”

“Y/N-”

“Do you think I had a good time? Knowing that my best friend, the only person I cared about in the world didn’t give a fuck about me to even ask how I was doing? So if you really wanna know… I don’t relate to you anymore. I don’t. I don’t want to think about what we had anymore because it just makes me fucking sad. I thought the world of you. Ash, you were my everything. I loved you, as a friend. I loved you, as the sun loves the moon even when it’s gone. I loved you with every prayer, every pleading, every move I made was for that one day I could be with you again, anyway that you would have me. I would’ve died a thousand times next to you, just as long as you kept me company. I didn’t care about what could happen to me. And when something happened, I tried to spare you from it, even when you never once asked. Fuck! I moved to L.A and this is the first time I’ve been in your house!”

“That’s-”

“I wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn’t true. I wish we could’ve resolved this somehow, but let’s be honest. There is no bridge to burn when we're already so far away. And those memories? From all those years back? Now it all feels like a lie and don’t you dare say otherwise. You’re not the person I once knew, Ash. The person I once knew would’ve never invited me here to leave me alone at a party with people I don’t know, saying a cute lie about how it was for me when in reality it was to make you look a certain way. The person I once knew would’ve never made me feel like nothing every time we were at an event together and you couldn’t even say hi. The person I once knew would’ve never let their “friends” disrespect me in any way. The Ashton I knew wouldn’t have tried to make me feel sad. He wouldn’t have made me so miserable to be in my own skin because they’re not brave enough to face the music he so highly speaks about. You never once showed support for what I do once I became my own person. You never once called to ask how I was. You never once believed in me as much as I believed in you. You made me hate this city. But even more, you made me hate everything I used to love about us. Now I meet someone new and wondered if it’ll be like what we had. You ruined me, Ash. And you never apologized for it”

Ashton was shaking his head, crying as he listened to what you had to say.

After you had your feelings heard, you didn’t walk away or ran through the door so that you could escape the aftermath like you did back in December all those years ago. You were not going to run away again. Not when your heart finally felt light from all the things you’ve been carrying.

You and Ashton cried in silence, each one at one side of the room.

The two of you couldn’t help but wonder what had happened and why did it end up like this? You could play the blaming game; pretend this never happened; you could walk out and never see each other again; or, you could just stand there, waiting, digesting the sour words that fell from both your lips and think, think of anything that could be saved.

“What are we going to do?” Ashton finally asked, voice hoarse from the crying.

“I don’t know,” You answered in all honesty “It’s like we only play to lose”

“Every time,” He said, looking at you and giving a small chuckle. “Every time I see you it just hurts. Not for anything you’ve done, but for everything that I could’ve done but didn’t”

“Maybe it was for the best to have it end this way”

“But… I don’t want it to.” Ashton admitted in a whisper “Now that you’re here… I kept on failing cause I wanted to prove to myself that I still knew you”

You laughed “Who are we, Ash?” you asked “A girl that chases over the past and a boy with the excuse?”

“How the hell we’re going to make it?”

“Maybe we don’t” You shrugged “Maybe we’re just meant to be passing figures on the street. People we once knew. We can’t go back from this, Ash, and you know it. We’re just going to keep hurting each other”

Ashton nodded, walking over to you as you let yourself be embraced by a hug.

“I love you, Y/N. I will always love you”

“Terribly” You murmured against his chest “I will love you all my life, Ash. And I’ll miss you forever”

“Tell me that it’ll be okay? Please?”

You smiled and placed a small kiss on his chest, and held him tighter. And he knew.

He knew.

*

*

tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @youneedtocalumdown @heyitskelseaj @ashtonsunflower @calumspupils@secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @lendeluxe

[merry-the-cookie]

remembered and reread my 25k words of rpf fic from two years ago and ykno what i slayed actually

[clumsyclifford]

“‘Let's see a witch,’” Ashton says. “‘It’ll be fine, Ashton. What could go wrong?’” “I didn't say witch, I said psychic! How was I meant to know she was both?” “From the sign!” Ashton says, gesturing emphatically at an A-board whose advertised PSYCHIC/WITCH SERVICES couldn't be more clearly outlined. Michael tries to grumble but only manages a rumbly croak. “Look, you're fine. I'm the one who’s a bloody frog.” “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” Ashton sing-songs.

for the @5sos-fic-fest friends to lovers fic event i present to you: modern fairytale silliness mashton!