#my 3 salads i love them dearly

[eparch]

the deepening night | the whispering twilight | the gleaming morning

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

WOE! IDIOT WHITEBOARD SCRIBBLES BE UPON YE!

[sophieswundergarten]

@nobody33333333!!!!

I know I said I'd get this out, like, two days ago, but unfortunately I had a pressing essay that I needed to finish. HOWEVER, I have now dealt with it, and so I get to gush about how much I enjoyed this chapter of "S.O.S."!!!!

(This is also going to be in a few parts, so I do apologise. I wanted to do it justice.)

First off, ten chapters!! A very exciting milestone :)

And I was so happy to see all of the sneak-peaks from the WIP Ask Game slot into this chapter; it's like five different layers of satisfying to see the passages I was really excited to read earlier match up with a piece of writing that I love so very dearly.

There is something so exactly siblingesque that Curtain is extremely angry about his brother "stealing" their joint ideas. I have basically had that exact conversation too many times to count.

Poor Jeeps. He's jeeped it up again.

"How many back-up locations and safe houses can one person have?" How many indeed. I think that either they have a ton, because all of them wanted to be prepared so they just set up like five different back up plans without telling each other, or Curtain's forces are absolutely abysmal at finding their singular safe house.

Curtain thinking about how Garrison is closer to him than Nicholas, even though she's currently brainswept herself is so sad. He had a family, and now all that he can do is compare how deeply their various "betrayals" hurt him.

"The family Curtain had lost" OKAY, WE'RE GOING THERE. OUCH.

But, really, that is an exquisitely crafted line with so much nuance and drama and pain.

It's really interesting that Kate and Milligan's names seem to be at (or near) the top of his list, while Nicholas is purposefully at the bottom. Because he still devotes the same amount of attention and mental energy to thinking about/capturing them. He's just pretending not to care.

" Nicholas, and everyone else that Curtain had ever cared about always fought against him, like disobedient unruly children" Oh, oh buddy. I totally get why this makes sense for his character and everything, but, again, why are you trying to run a school?

It is a skill that you can write Curtain's inner monologue and include such things at “The Endless Burden of Greatness is Mine Alone to Bear.” and still make me feel even smidge of serious sympathy for him. You have a talent, my friend.

You included the bit about Number Two's name!! I find that so funny, and am intensely gratified that you gave him that little thought anecdote about it.

Oooh, the way you included the lights from the shore so early in the chapter gave me shivers. I was brimming with anticipation by the time Curtain fully processed through it all.

It's a tiny bit funny to me that Curtain continually thinks of children and their skills as "pathetic", whereas when he himself was twelve he thought he could rule the world, and still holds that conviction!

"Or maybe Curtain was just being paranoid. Or maybe he wasn’t being paranoid enough." Or maybe you need therapy

His statement about the syllables has always thrown me off, but I reconsidered it here, and while I still have no answers, I have some observations: "Ledroptha Curtain" is 3-2, while "L.D. Curtain" can be considered 2-2 ("Reynard Muldoon" is also 2-2). However, both "Nathaniel Benedict" and "Nicholas Benedict" are 3-3. I wonder if the writers chose "Nathaniel" purposefully because of its syllables, as well as starting with "N". I wonder if it bothers Curtain that his name isn't really balanced anymore (as I can definitely see him struggling with some OCD tendencies; need for control and all) or if he likes it (or pretends to), since it no longer matches his brother.

Curtain's just sitting here judging Reynie for wanting to talk about his Manipulation Salad while pretending to care for more manipulation. I can't believe how irony-blind he is sometimes.

He's so awkward ugh this part makes my insides squirm

It's crazy but also really sad how much Curtain has retreated into his defensiveness since the S.O.S., because he's comparing Reynie to both Nicholas and Pedalian, but he can't get out of his own head enough to recognize Reynie as a person and possibly offer him some grace or even consider why he might be acting so oddly. It's good, because it means that the kids' plan works and their people reading skills have been put to good use, but it's still a little sad.

"who by this point was certain that the backhanded nature of his compliment would undoubtedly be completely lost on Reynie, as he didn’t even seem capable of determining the appropriate time to enter a conversation." Why is he so judgy this is actually hysterical-

Why. Just- Why? What about the Ribbon Interaction was so concerning that nearly ruins Curtain's opinions of Reynie? I mean, it sounds exactly like something Curtain would do but I am dying trying to sort it out in my head because it's so weird

AND HE'S STILL OFF. He has a whole interaction with Reynie, and then goes "Hm, I wonder where the possible spies my brother may have sent are. Truly a mystery." He's such a goofy dork, for all his "Greatness"

MILLIGAN

It's so neat that Milligan loves hiking. I just adore that detail.

Oh boy, Rhonda and Number Two's fighting never really sat right with me in the show, but I am liking the spin you put on it. I think it's probably just because I read the books and I was expecting them to be sisters, rather than colleagues. That said, I am very curious to see where you take it!

The way that you interject the girls' argument with the little descriptions of Milligan is amazing! It really captures the energy of the situation beautifully.

In a way, Milligan is mirroring Curtain in this scene, with his uncomfortable awkwardness and trying to escape the conversation.

Mr. Benedict's whole life sometimes feels like a series of putting off a task until it eventually confronts him and tips over into a domino line of other tasks. Same, buddy.

IS IT CONCERNING THAT I INSTANTLY KNEW WHAT SCENE MILLIGAN'S MEMORY WAS OF AND IT GUTTED ME

You are a beautiful artist and it's like watching a gorgeous quilt come together or someone weaving very fine lace to see you write but also sometimes it feels like you're repeatedly stabbing me in the heart

Oh, oh oh oh dear. It's the Milligan flashback. Still just as emotional the fourth or fifth time around :(

The way you describe his wife is so cool!! It's very genuine and sincere, but you keep the vague, mysterious air as well!! Very good.

Agh, and poor Milligan keeps second-guessing his memories and worrying that they're hallucinations or something, my heart hurts for him. And once again!! He wants to meet her again. I think that it adds a lot to things with how you've been writing him, because while obviously finding Kate again was amazing for him, but he probably had to grieve his wife all over again when he remembered her. (But, of course, we know that he'll get to "see her" in Kate, a little)

The way that Curtain does a full 180 from harshly judging Sticky for being timid and like Nicholas to (correctly) assuming that he's a spy is as ridiculous as it is interesting. Curtain is highly intelligent, he and Mr. Benedict are siblings, after all. However, he is constantly handicapping himself with his distrust of others and unhealthily excessive self-reliance.

S.Q.!!!!

“Not slacking off on your classes, are you?” SIR. What classes????

[fox-guardian]

oooh cecil palmer?

BELOVED

[ID: A character opinion bingo card with several spots circled in a deep magenta. The spots are "free space", "I have so many headcanons about them", "*projects onto them like a mf*", "I want their gender", "*puts them in a salad spinner*", "That's a solid design right there," "They are So Silly", "Literally I would kiss them", "If anything happens to them I will cry", "I want to BITE them", "I fuck with this aesthetic so hard", and one that is just a doodle of a person holding a tiny person with hearts around them while giving them big shiny eyes. There is no bingo line. end ID]

~~~~

I love him So dearly <3 my funky radio man <3 your fashion sense fascinates me <3

[edgewaterfarmcsa]

CSA WEEK 17

p i c k l i s t

PARSLEY - REDBOR KALE - SHISHITOS PEPPERS! - HABANADAS PEPPERS! - CAYENNE PEPPER! - JALAPENO PEPPER! - BEETS - BUTTERCUP WINTER SQUASH - CARROTS- HEIRLOOM FIELD TOMATOES - CORN - ONION - GARLIC

Content Warning: this newsletter talks about food, if you are fasting in recognition of the holiest day of the Jewish Calendar, then please feel free to pause until tomorrow…. Ok?

And now let’s get into it: our Summer CSA ends this week! What in the world are we all supposed to eat after this week’s goodies run out? Cereal?! Hot dogs? Nightly takeout from Brownsville Butcher and Pantry? JK, As you all know our Fall CSA begins in a week, so this is certainly not the end of fresh veg for those that signed up.  In fact for many of you, the fun starts next Wednesday (first FALL CSA!) when our efforts go into filling the farmstand with towers of brussel sprouts, bins of onions, trays of greens and if you are smart and gluten friendly- a fresh warm loaf of bread (via add on bread share).

  And as for the fields this week, they did get a light frost two nights in a row.  Some plants are toast but the majority remain and they will continue to kick around until a deep kill frost hits and the fog breaks.  Truthfully, none of us expect the peppers, corn, and cherry tomatoes to stick around much longer, but while they are here, we will love them dearly and pick them with pretend Summer delight.  The brassicas and other greens have no problem with these cool temps, and we have enough greenhouses growing food to keep our bellies full and happy through the Winter Solstice (and beyond?).  

In other field topics, we are all impatiently waiting for the tops on the potatoes to properly dry so we can begin to dig the spud field using our fave large piece of equipment, the potato harvester- this will save an insane amount of time.  We are all a little sick of hand digging and our fingernails could use a break.  For real, the pain of hitting your finger nail into a potato while digging into the soil is a shock to the system for daaaaays.  

But the most pressing topic to really hit today is all the food we ate together these last 17 weeks.  From strawberries in June, to blueberries in July and Melon into the end of September.  We ate like kings and queens! And come January, I guarantee you, the onslaught of Equinox peppers will be missed as you sip on your dried tulsi tea.  Moreover, a huge shout out to all CSAers near (farmstand pick up!) and far (Eastman! The Studio! Novo Nordisk! Windsor! Brownsville!).  I don’t know what the CSA means to you- is it just groceries? Is it more? But for me, the CSA gives my every week real meaning and rhythm.  With the help of so many awesome hands and fellow farmers (Ray, Roy, Garnet, Claire, Denroy, Carlington, Tim, Jasper, Strong, Joe and Mike, Mrs. T and Pam), I get to curate your meals from a field! That is a huge honor and I do not take it lightly.  And bottomline here, a massive cheers to you all for taking a chance on Edgewater this season, and I do hope to check in with you all again in the not too distant future.  

Peace, Love, and Habanadas, Jenny

Pro-tips:

 KALE SALAD WITH ROASTED SQUASH AND FENNEL

FROM START SIMPLE

(the above book is absolutely my go to for nearly all meals, treat yourself:

Copyright © 2020 by Lukas Volger. Published by Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. 

 The dressing - a mix of maple syrup, lemon juice, and olive oil, plus an optional jolt of ginger- could make anything taste good, and the salad, with its autumnal profile, works just as well in holiday menus as it does in packed weekday lunches… Add some crumbled feta if you’d like a tangy creamy element.

 2 cups winter squash cut into bite size pieces

1 to 1 ½ tablespoons maple syrup or honey

3 tablespoons olive oil, divided

2 teaspoons finely grated ginger (optional)

Salt & pepper

1 small fennel, cored (also optional!)

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 large bunch of kale (stemmed and torn into bite size pieces

¼ cup crumbled feta cheese (optional)

Parsley, (chopped)

Preheat the oven to 425.  Spread the squash on a baking sheet, then toss with 1 ½ tablespoons of the olive oil and sprinkle with a big pinch of salt and pepper.  Roast until tender, 15-20 minutes, stirring once or twice.  Cool.

Whisk together the remaining1 ½ tablespoons of olive oil, the lemon juice, maple syrup or honey, and ginger, if using, in a serving bowl.  Cut the fennel (if using) into thinnest-possible shavings, preferable using a mandoline or, if not, a very sharp knife.  Add the fennel and squash to the bowl with the dressing and stir to coat.  Let stand for about 5 minutes, which will soften up the fennel, then add the kale and toss with your hands.  Top with cheese if using and chopped parsley!

Grounding roasted roots with herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce is a beautiful and simple side dish that features a delicious sauce.

PREP TIME:15 MINS/ COOK TIME:1 HR/ TOTAL TIME:1 HR 15 MINS/ SERVINGS 4 -6

ROOTS:

1 lb carrots (5 medium), peeled and chopped into 2-inch pieces

½ lb beets (3 medium/4 small) peeled and chopped into 1-inch wedges

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 ½ teaspoons za’atar spice

sea salt and ground black pepper, to taste

 YOGURT SAUCE:

1 cup mixed herbs, packed (I used parsley, dill & basil), plus extra for garnish

1 small jalapeño pepper, seeded and chopped (I left some of the seeds because I like the heat)

1 garlic clove, peeled

2 tablespoons shelled and salted pistachios, plus extra for garnish

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 tablespoon lemon juice

sea salt and ground black pepper, to taste

1 cup thick non-dairy yogurt (see notes for recommendations)

Notes

I would make this a meal by serving it in a grain bowl-style setup with some cooked farro, white beans, and a big handful of chopped/baby greens per person.

I used carrots and beets, but any mixture of root vegetables you like is good. You’ll need 1 ½ pounds.

If you don’t have za’atar spice blend, that’s fine! Just use salt and pepper. The sauce is super flavourful.

Preheat the oven to 375°F. Line a 9x13x2 baking dish with parchment paper.

Place the chopped carrots and beets in the baking dish and toss them with the olive oil, za’atar, salt and pepper. Once the vegetables are evenly coated, spread them out into a single layer and slide the dish into the oven. Roast the vegetables for 1 hour, taking them out at the halfway point to stir them up and flip them over.

Make the herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce: In a food processor, combine the herbs, jalapeño, garlic, pistachios, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Pulse the machine a few times until everything is finely chopped, scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula  if necessary. Add the non-dairy yogurt to the food processor and pulse until the sauce is fully combined and uniformly light green. Check the sauce for seasoning and adjust if necessary.

To serve: Spread the herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce out on the base of your serving plate. Pile the roasted root vegetables on top of the yogurt sauce.

Garnish the grounding roasted roots and herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce with extra chopped herbs and pistachios. Serve warm or at room temperature.

 Corn!

Heads up yall, this corn was picked on Saturday pre-frost as a just in case frost precaution.  It’s great for soups or freezing for winter!  

To freeze: blanch in boiling water, let cool, remove kernels, put in zip lock bag, and freeze!

[pangzi]

rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have wips.  

tagged by @forerussake, thank you for tagging me and making me expose my embarrassing amount of wips... I’ll put them under a cut as well because I have way too many dmbj wips... I’m starting with the non-dmbj ones and then we’ll dive into the mountain that is dmbj wips...

tagging: @hils79, @s1utspeare, @ohyka (tell me about your art wips i’m begging), @ibenholt, @phantomhydeoftheopera, @river-sludge, @englishbunnyrocks, @qinghe-s everyone who sees this, yes you!

Chastitea - a Nielan fic for my dearly beloved Celeste.

Seducing Chifeng-zun - Nielan

The struggles of lusting after your fake boyfriend - a Weilan fic I started writing exactly two years ago (wtf) with hobo, it’s at +30k and so nearly done. I’ve always wanted to finish it but dmbj possessed me.

Zhao Yunlan: Ace Detective. There’s Room For Two Aces In This Department. - Ace Weilan AU based on a book I read.

this man is pathetic, which is very hot part 2 - heihua, sequel to my heihua fic with the same name

t4t pangxie - something i wanted to write for the last day of pangzi birthday week but never got to it bc i got burned out and discouraged... in which i project all my transmasc non-binary experiences onto pangzi.

3 times Xiaoge got himself off + 1 time he let pangzi help - ace!xiaoge my beloved finding relief and comfort around pangzi and pangzi being very good and lovely and accepting about it.

“mirf’s panghua week” aka me attempting to spread the my panghua and pangzi polycule agenda as i post a 7 chaptered fic in a week

5 + 1 Kan Jian - this one would be for my beloved ohyka. Kan Jian gets to be the horny bastard he is as he casually sleeps around and the one time it isn’t casual

Blowing off steam - Zhang Rishan/Xie Yuchen

Mouthful - Pangxie smut

Love Languages - simple ways in which Pangzi’s partners show him he’s loved (currently this is 5 fics under one title)

Wu Xie’s Best Man Pangzi - pangpiaoxie

Fridge Gremlin Xiaoge - Iron Triangle

Attention, please - Pangxie

The sunlight on your skin - Pangxie

In your bed - Pangxie (smut)

Happy Ending - Heihua (smut)

In a heartbeat - Pangxie

Bed wrestling - Pangxie

All you have to do is ask - fuba (smut)

You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid - Pangsang

“do you have the cure?” - pingpang (you know the scene in tlt2, but pangzi panics a bit at the possibilty of xiaoge flirting with him)

pangzi’s story about xiaoge in a dress in tlt2 - pingpang

mmmmmm people flirting with xiaoge? in front of pangzi’s salad? - pingpang

Pangzi turns the iron triangle into a line (this one will make many people mad probably oop)

Two guys making out in a hot tub because they don’t like each other - heihua

xie yuchen grabs ass - heihua

tlt2.2 is NOT REAL - iron triangle

useless bottom wu xie fails to prove he’s not a pillow princess - pangxie

5 times wu xie convinced himself his actions were completely straight + 1 time he realized there’s nothing straight about him - pangxie

Wu Xie is confident in seducing Pangzi yet doesn’t expect to succeed - pangxie

You’ve waited long enough Pangzi! Stop rejecting him! - pangxie

Erjing’s revenge, but better - Panzi/Erjing

Jia Kezi’s stamina - Li Jiale/Jia Kezi (smut)

divide (ershu's legs) and conquer (put a baby in him to take over the bloodline) - Jingbai

You’re never too much and always enough - Iron Triangle (Pangzi is loved)

who needs prompts, xiaoge takes merpangzi’s dicks - another late merpangzi fic pingpang week

Where he belongs (Merpangzi’s arms) - another late merpangzi for pingpang week

Suddenly Seventeen - Pangxie

Wu Xie is incredibly inconvenienced (they ran out of his favourite tea) - pangxie

hey it ended up less than I expected! which means i did a good job a while ago weeding out everything i don’t actually want to write anymore

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

being honest i dont get jm using a award to say he misses tannie... we don’t know 90% of their lives but they are very close to the point of still sleeping together sometimes. and going deep if they were really a couple jm woudnt miss taes dog right? and even as friends he could visit it. unless its because of their schedule right... this kind of comment sometimes confuses me and haters will use it as “they arent close” lol. i just wanted to know your pov.

Judging by Admin 2's reaction, as well as some others in our asks, I have a feeling I was the only one with a more realistic expectation, or lack of expectations, as I waited for the BTS profiles to be posted. Based on last year's, I knew expecting something grand out of Tae, and especially Jimin, would just be me setting myself up for failure, which is what I think happened here.

But, let's discuss it.

I spent a solid couple of hours making an excel table last night that contains everything every member said about every member (sourcing 3 translators for maximum insight) to see if really what Jimin chose for Tae is so "bad" that suddenly people are sending us asks like this one, and another one I'll add later down the line. And the conclusion I've come to is that...what he gave to Tae, as well as Hobi and Seokjin, as awards are the only ones that have any actual emotional/personal connection to them.

With Namjoon and JK Jimin basically states the obvious--Namjoon is tall and JK has gained muscle mass, meaning nothing new or with a proper emotional connection was stated; to Yoongi he made the same request many other members have made, so a work connection, nothing inherently personal.

Now, compared to that--Seokjin teases him/them, which isn't new info, so Jimin asked him to stop or do it less, a valid request which I'm sure he also voiced to Seokjin outside of this FESTA profile and also shows a degree of personal connection; Hobi gets requested to not walk away after asking Jimin a question, which again shows a personal connection and that it's a reoccurring thing; and lastly Tae with Tannie.

Something I've noticed is that some ARMY, who are used to our western celebrities and draw conclusions about idols based on those parameters, forget that BTS are busy, like whatever you consider busy, take that and multiply it by ten. During his vlive with Hobi and Yoongi back in April, Tae said that they are much busier and their lives far more hectic than any of us realize. Taking that into account, and the fact that one of the members (I think it might have been Seokjin) mentioned they work at least ten hours a day for 360 days a year with practice, MV and CF filming, photoshoots, interviews, recording and working on music, meetings, and many other things we have no idea about, do you really think Yeontan lives with Tae full time? A dog needs to get walked and fed but if Tae is out of the house every day for at least ten hours, what would happen to Tannie? He'd just sit around at home alone all day which just isn't fair, so I'm sure Tannie lives with Tae's parents much the same way Micky lives with Hobi's parents and/or his sister, JKs dog lives with his family, Holly lives with Yoongi’s brother, Moni with Namjoon's, and years ago Seokjin had to give his sugar gliders to his parents because he was too busy to take care of them.

Based on that of that, I'm not sure how often Tae get's to see Tannie. Probably not all that often, to be honest. So, if Tannie's owner doesn't get to see him often, I'd assume Jimin gets to see him even less (if we work on the assumption that Tannie lives with Tae's parents and thus Tae could only really see him when visiting them or when they visit him, that means Jimin wouldn't be able to see Tannie just like that either, since that would be like intruding on family time, right?). And we know Jimin loves Tannie, so him using that award to say he misses him and is asking about him shows care and an emotional connection to Tannie. Do I think Jimin also asks Tae privately about Tannie? Absolutely. And still, while Jimin didn't give Tae the, I don't know, "hot body Award" like Yoongi did with Namjoon or the "person I love most in the world award" (which we should know by now would never happen, and if you expected something of that intensity level, than I'm sorry but you've set yourself up for disappointment from the start), he still drew a personal and emotional connection between himself and Tae, as well as the pet Tae loves dearly.

More below the cut:

Jimin could’ve asked about the other pets of the members, but he didn’t, he only ever really talked about Tannie, and here he does it again, so doesn’t that show that he has a bond with him, a closer one than the other members since they don’t/didn’t ask about him (except for Hobi that one time on weverse)?

Speaking of Hobi, am I the only one who finds it interesting and cute that he only drew little hearts for Jimin and Tae when writing down their awards?

Also, we have to remember that these profiles are for us, fan content (remember when Jimin asked Tae last year to post more pictures of Tannie on weverse because ARMY miss seeing him, so what if this is drawing a connection/parallel to that?), and not meant as the members “confessing” something to each other that they otherwise wouldn’t or don’t have the chance to do so. It’s not meant to be all that serious and instead just be fun and nice for us to read, show us a bit of their dynamic and that’s it, no world shattering revelations to be found, from any of them. Or do you really think Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin just because he told Jimin he’s trying too hard to be funny? It’s just part of their dynamic. Or that none of the members have anything else to say to JK besides commenting on his body/appearance? As for vmin, I’d like to remind us of this moment from their Friends subunit interview for FESTA 2020:

Whatever Jimin and Tae want to say to each other, they don’t need FESTA to do it, or us to be there as witnesses. Like Tae didn’t already say enough by telling us that 95z is love. Or Jimin by writing Friends.

From anon: because of you I came back da Namjin. I am a senior army and 2 years ago I left Namjin because I thought they broke up. You made me three Vmin but after what JK wrote about Jimin and after Jm himself about his chances I think that vmin are not together or Jimin withdrew. I think Jk would not dare to write about Jm that he has cute fingers etc if vmin were a relationship. it goes too far and confuses Jk too much. I don't want to say that J / k*ok is real because it certainly isn't !!!!

Now this is where I just sit and sigh heavily because it’s exactly what I expected and I will admit it irks me to no end. Let’s establish a little timeline:

Based on the FESTA Mission! BTS 4 Cuts Teaser that was posted earlier we can deduce that at least part of FESTA was already being prepared back in the first half of March, since on March 12th Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin had their salad making vlive. Let’s suppose that everything FESTA related was prepared and written out by the members around that time as well. Sometime later BTS filmed YOU QUIZ followed by LET’S BTS and BTSxGame Caterers and everything else we’ve seen after that.

Or going a little further back to sometime in November 2020 while they were preparing for MMA 2020 and the Black Swan performance. We got the practice video today and if you pay attention to Jimin and Tae even there you notice that while Tae is waiting for his turn in the choreography, Jimin runs past him after his part is done (0:55) and they pat each other or do a “high five” or something along those lines as a way to cheer each other on. A very “we’re broken up” or “I will break up with him soon” thing to do, right? Or in min-January when Tae posted seven pictures out of which three were of just Jimin after an ARMY on weverse asked if anyone had any nice pictures they could use as wallpaper for their phone. Between all that I’m having a hard time honestly finding any moment where either of them seemed sad or “cold” toward the other the way you would be and feel if the person you love pulled away from you or broke up with you.

If you are still unconvinced and still think that is what Jimin tried to communicate to us, would Tae really have gone on national TV and said he likes Jimin the most? And would Jimin have agreed that he likes him a lot as well? Or looking at the making video of their Kloud Beer CF that was posted today as well, would Jimin really be looking and interacting with Tae this way if he decided to end things between them?

Also, going back a little, your mention of Jimin reflecting upon opportunities/chances now that it’s a new year. My question is based on what you made the judgment that this comment has to be about vmin and not about something entirely different in Jimin’s life, or maybe something connected to BTS as a whole? Just because of him asking Tae about Tannie? Jimin, as well as Tae and the other members, have entire lives outside of just their bonds with each other, entire careers, passion projects, families, friend groups, and that little bit of time they have to themselves, so immediately thinking Jimin’s comment must be related to his relationship/bond with Tae basically makes it seem like Jimin’s life is a romcom or a TV show in which the only thing that matters is if the main character will date or remain in a relationship with character B or not, but life isn’t like that.

Personally it reminded me of something Tae said during their Bring the Soul documentary about how BTS had the opportunities to go higher faster but they decided against them. Perhaps Jimin’s comment was about something like this as well, especially since we know Jimin is a very private person and very selective of the personal things he shares with us and the ones he doesn’t.

For the FESTA profile JK decided to give Jimin the “Cute Award” with the explanation that his “Face, height, fingers are cute” which, honestly, is just saying something that a) is true and b) has been said in millions of ways by every member across the last couple of years. I don’t see what the issue here is? During one of the episodes of BTSxGame Caterers Seokjin said that Jimin is very cute and that he has a small, beautiful face, so really he even added the word beautiful in there, which JK did not, so what really is the issue here? The fact its JK, right, that’s where the issue lies, to which I ask why? On this blog we’ve already established that there is (in our opinion and based on everything we’ve seen and heard) no romantic connection between JK and Jimin (nor Tae), not now and not in the past either, so why is him saying that Jimin is cute (which he is known for even by people outside of ARMY, or like James Cordon calling him his cute baby mochi) is an issue but Seokjin or any other member is not? Either we use the same measurements for everyone or we don’t compare or make such assumptions about any of them.

What I find curious, because this does make it seem like you, anon, are someone influenced by J*k*ok shippers and their opinions, see an issue in JK saying that about Jimin, and how that’s “proof” that Jimin and Tae can’t possibly be together, and yet you took no issue to Namjoon basically saying he wants to give Tae an award because he is so handsome he is above every list or Yoongi comparing him to Michelangelo's David, both of these being much more superlative and grand complements/awards than JK saying Jimin’s face, height and fingers are cute.

It’s funny how things that Jimin and Tae have said about and to each other that make their bond very clear (I want to live with my lovely Taehyungie forever or here is my love for you while handing Tae a bunch of red heart balloons or 95z is love, a statement I’m sure he wouldn’t post if that sentiment weren’t mutual) are all questioned or ignored, but something as basically trivial as a comment about Jimin being cute is turned into a major issue. The mental gymnastics is fascinating.

Lastly, going back to the first anon and their mention of how haters will use Jimin’s Award for Tae as “proof” that they “aren’t close anymore”--why do we care? Like Namjoon said in the Mic Drop lyrics Haters gon’ hate. They will say a lot of things about a lot of things and even make things up if they feel like it to push their agenda, so really, regardless of what Jimin would’ve said, or not said, they would’ve found a way to twist it and make it fit their narrative. Besides, what haters think has no actual effect or bearing on what Tae and Jimin have with each other, and neither does what other shippers claim. Haters and other shippers don’t control the narrative, BTS do, and everything Jimin and Tae have shown us in 2021, as well as the last eight years, shows me that their bond has only ever grown stronger and closer and more beautiful and awe inspiring, even while haters claimed they stopped being friends years ago, so why should you or I care what they think?

Like Yoongi once said in one of his vlives about how haters can write all they want, he won’t read it while they will get sued.

[haechanniesunflowers]

Y/N's reaction to them being ill after the break up

Notes: this is part 2 of the break up series (is it really a series? Idk man all I know is that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell)

Warning(s): mentions of self-harming behavior, fainting, hospital, sickness, car accident

To read the break up part click here

Bang Chan

He regretted whatever he said but didn't have the heart to approach you first because he did you wrong by forgetting about the dates over and over again and now, you not being a phone call away was getting to him. So he did what he does best, buried himself in his work :') to forget about the break up. However he let things get out of hand, skipping meals and sleep. The boys didn't think much about it since he normally comes and goes when they're asleep or not at the dorms, anyway. Felix sensed something was wrong when Chan didn't respond to his texts, asking him if he wanted to go out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. He went to check up on him at his apartment, where he sometimes stayed when he didn't feel like coming to the dorms, but he wasn't there so he went straight to the studio. He finds Chan collapsed on the floor. "oh my God, hyung? Chan hyung?" he has Chan in his arms and calls their manager. Chan is hospitalized for dehydration, weakness and over-exhaustion. He doesn't gain complete consciousness, and keeps mumbling your name. Felix calls you to ask if everything is okay but to his surprise, you had no idea about what Chan had been upto for the past month. He meets up with you and you tell him what happened, he tells you about Chan's condition, making your already broken heart, break into finer pieces. You agree to see Chan and when you do, he's awake but looks like he's in a haze. You cry and take his hand in yours, he's attentive now and looks at you with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry" he says bitterly as he sobs. You kiss him "let's forget about it Chris, hmm?" you're both crying but happy to be reunited.

Lee Know

As much as he hates to admit it, he misses you so much. It hurts his pride because he put up a tough front but deep down he's longing for your touch. He's so sad about it and really hates himself for being ignorant and rude towards you, he takes it out on himself by dancing. All he does is practice dance routines everyday. His body is sore but he doesn't stop. With all the physical exercion he's doing, a sweet potato, an apple and salad won't make up for what his body demands. But does he listen to it? hell no. He keeps pushing himself to the edge, until one day, his body's like this ain't it bro and gives up on him. He's walking down the stairs with a bottle in his hand, feeling light headed and he collapses, falling down the stairs. Luckily (not really) Jisung hears his bottle fall on the staircase and goes to see if everything is alright. And everything is in fact not alright. He screams for help, the staff present on the floor all gathering around Lee Know's unconscious body. He's rushed to the hospital where their manager is told that he won't be able to walk or even sit up for a couple of weeks, oh and his right hand is dislocated from the fall. You see it on the news, and you can't stop yourself from going to him. He's laying, upset and angry at literally everything. He doesn't want the boys to see him, they completely understand and decide to give him space, telling him that they will always be here if he needs anything. But he needs you and they can't get you for him can they? They don't have to because you're already in his room, angry crying. "Minho I swear to God" he's really surprised, not expecting you to be here knowing that your pride is as big as his. "y/n you came!" "what have you done to yourself?" "it's really nothing, I just danced a bit too hard" "oh really, then explain that cast on your arm and not being able to sit up" "I fell down the stairs" "oh Minho, you're such a dunbass I know for a fact you haven't been taking care of yourself" "sshhhh please, I'm just glad you're here now" there's an awkward silence. You both say something and stop wanting the other to continue first. He starts "y/n I'm really embarrassed for acting the way I did, umm if you could give me another chance, I promise I..." no wait, he's not gonna repeat his mistakes again, making promises he can't keep. "I really really love you y/n, I feel like a fool sometimes when I absentmindedly think about you. I just want you to be around all the time, you make me happy" you blush at his words and squirm a little with your hands clasped "cute" he says and smirks. "I love you too Minho, I'm sorry for lashing out at you, I want us to be together again" he smiles warmly at you but in true Minho fashion, ruins the cute moment by saying "scratch the back of my knee for me please"

Changbin

He wasn't really ill, he just lost interest in things, not music though, that's his lifeline. The boys noticed that the only time he was not in the dorms was when he had a schedule or when he was busy with Chan and Jisung. Other than that he went straight to bed and didn't talk much. He gave up initiating a conversation, and only spoke when spoken to. Chan was growing increasingly concerned and asked him what was on his mind. He never gave a clear answer, always saying that he's tired or is not in the mood. But since he was behaving like this for almost a month now, it was beginning to effect his relationship with his members. Him and Lee Know would clash often, causing unrest among the group. Minho would always say that he was joking or that he wasn't even talking to him but Changbin was being aloof or rude to him and as his dongsaeng, it was wrong of him. One day Chan sat him down, "tell me what's up" "nothing" "this isn't the Changbin we know. Now I don't know if you've noticed or not and at this point I don't think you even care but whatever is going on with you is negatively effecting the team. If you don't want to talk about it then it's your choice but at least don't make things hard for the team. We can't work like this, this is our brotherhood and..." Chan stops talking when he sees tears in Changbin's eyes. "hyung..." he doesn't want to cry but he does, and reluctantly holds onto his arm "I miss y/n so much, I didn't know it would effect me this much God I'm so stupid. Why did I even talk back" he says, in sadness. Chan comforts him and tells him he'll do something about it. In any other situation, Changbin would've dealt with his problems himself but he trusted Chan and let him help. You got a phone call from Chan at work so you didn't pick up. If you trusted anyone in Stray Kids other than Changbin, it was Chan. So you make sure to call him back during your break and agree to meet with him at a small pastry shop. He tells you about Changbin and how it's effecting the team, making you concerned because that's not your Changbin. You call him later that day and he instantly picks up "hello y/n?" "hey uh how are you?" "I'm good" there's a pause. "I really miss you" he finally says. You're silent. "I know I didn't prooritize you enough and forgot about our dates or even spending time with you and asking how you were and how your day went. Fuck I can't believe it but I ignored our relationship for my own personal gains and that was so wrong and you know what I-"" Changbin" "yeah?" "you're rambling, stop, I love you and I want to get back together but you need to apologize to your members too". 'Thank God' he thought to himself.

Hyunjin

Our boy tried contacting you, but you blocked him from everywhere. He loved you dearly and didn't want to give up on you because he knew you were still in love with him too. It was obvious to everyone that something was going on in his life and he was visibly struggling everyday. Every time he made a mistake in the dance, he would scream and slap his head, Seungmin had to step in and bring him back to his senses. After a little buddy to buddy chat, he poured his heart out, crying harder than ever to Seungmin. He offers to talk to you on his behalf but Hyunjin declines saying that Seungmin doesn't have to clean the mess he made and also you won't spare Seungmin a glance anyway, like once you were done, you don't want anything to do with it. Hyunjin himself goes to your apartment to talk to you but you're not home. He waits for you on the stairs, determined to talk to you. 2 hours in it starts raining and it's so cold since the weather is transitioning for autumn to winter, shit he says but it's okay, he'll still wait for you. 3 more hours pass and you finally show up, passing him because you don't recognize the man sitting in the cold cold rain with his head dipped, wearing all black. You open your front door and hear your name "Y/N i-it's me, hi" he's freezing, your eyes soften and you pull him in telling him to change out of his clothes, handing him a towel. After a while you go to check up on him but he's still in his boxers and undershirt with the towel around his neck. He sees you and says "can we talk please" "no" you say "get dried I'll get you your clothes, I was gonna return them anyway" he starts coughing a little and sneezes, your eyes widen. Did he catch a cold?? you think because he had always been the sensitive type. The next thing you know you're sitting next to him, drying his hair. He grabs your wrist and says "I really miss you" and you fear that he's going to read your face now. He knows you so well after all and catches on, he knows you miss him too. Slowly leaning forward, giving you enough time to react, he goes in for a kiss. You sob in his arms for a while. "Hyunjin don't you ever, EVER leave my side again, I missed you so much you have no idea I was hurting" he sushes you. Now changed to dry clothes you're both cuddling in your bed when you realize something "...uh Hyunjin? did you kiss me after you mf sneezed and coughed??" oops "don't ruin the moment y/n let's be sick and in love together".

Han

You're both gloomy and hurting but that doesn't stop you from acting normal. Y'all literally make people laugh lift the mood and cry yourself to sleep at night. So when you're mentioned by Lee Know in front of the boys, asking how you were, Jisung didn't let anyone find out that you guys broke up, and replied casually that you were doing okay but really busy in your life. He tells him he wants to meet you but Jisung brushes it off saying that he just said you're busy. Lee Know is determined to get Jisung to call you at least and by the end of this, he has his answer. "you guys aren't talking to each other, are you?" Lee Know says proudly. Han gives a little nod, running his fingers through his hair. "hyung I need to clear my head, I'm going on a drive" Han says and Lee Know says "okay but be back in time for the third practice, I'm going to show you guys the choreography I made for the new song". 4 hours later everyone is wondering where Han is. Lee Know says that Jisung will be there, he couldn't have forgotten about the practice. Right? When more time passed, the guys continued without him, since he's not answering the phone either (Chan making a mental note to scold him for it). Finally, annoyed and concerned, Lee Know asks around for your phone number from mutual friends and calls you. "I want to talk to Jisung, give him the phone" is the first thing he says "excuse me?" "y/n it's Minho, I need to speak with Jisung, tell him to answer his damn phone and get his ass back to practice room before I whoop it" "...he's not here, I haven't seen him for a month now" Lee Know's eyes widen "then where did he go". The boys go to the dorms, extremely concerned when their manager calls Chan telling him Jisung got into a car accident. Now there's unrest and anxiety in the dorm. Chan and Minho go to the hospital with their manager. Lee Know already texted you about the details. Luckily he's not severely injured, only a neck sprain and a few bruises, nothing a weeks rest and herbal medicine can't fix. Jisung sees three pairs of eyes all filled with anger and concern. You, Chan and Minho scold him on his way back to the dorms, taking turns to tell him how irresponsible he was and what they're going to do to him once he gets home. But once he gets home, Chan and Minho let you at him first. You scold him again and he apologizes. You know what he's apologizing for so you kiss him with Chan trying not to go aww in the back and Minho making a perverted sound. You know Jisung wants reassurance about the relationship so you say "see you tomorrow" before leaving him with Chan and Minho cracking their knuckles behind a smiling Jisung.

Felix

This little baby will be upset all the time. Growing increasingly hard on himself over the month, being more clingy towards Chan. Like when Chan is just sitting there working, Felix would grab a chair next to him and rest his head on his back. And when Chan shifts in the seat, he would even sit on the floor, with his head against Chan's leg, playing games on his phone. As much as Chan loved Felix relying on him and being soft and clingy, he was on to him. Taking him out to eat one day, he'd ask him about it. Felix got embarrassed and tells him he doesn't want to talk about it right now. After dinner, they went for a walk, talking and laughing. Felix feels happy after so long, hugging Chan out of nowhere telling him how much he appreciates him and his brotherly love. Chan rubs his hair and back, not wanting to ask the question again. It's as if Felix read his mind, "y/n and I broke up" that answers everything. Chan listens to Felix patiently and gives him great advice, telling him that he needs to tell you that if the relationship really has no future, he needs closure, and if there's still hope, you two should sit down and talk (not acting on our own advice are we Chan). Felix texts you that he has something important to say and calls you later to say what Chan said. You thought that was very mature of him, clearly knowing Chan and him had a talk. You two meet, Felix fiddling with his fingers anxiously, not knowing where the conversation will go. "I'm very sorry y/n, I know I neglected you and took you for granted but if you give me just one chance, I will change. I promise to treat you better" you smile at this "Felix, let's not make promises right now, because we don't know what will happen in the future and what our circumstances allow, and I forgive you. I really missed you and your cute snuggles" Felix is shy and you hug him.

Seungmin

He was very understanding of how you felt and what you were going through. He felt it was best to give you space to clear your head so you could figure your feelings out. This is how he thought was best to deal with the situation, to give you all the time in the world while he just waits. But this did not prove to be the best for him as he was mostly lost in thought. How you were, did you eat, how was your day, did you have a shoulder to cry on, were you healthy and happy. He needed the answers, it was making him anxious. So it wasn't long that he started forgetting about things. Always being stressed out about your well-being. He started to lose focus on the choreography which made the others upset. Once, twice, thrice, this kept happening. He was bumping into the others or forgetting his cue. Everyone started getting irritated and it was time for a group meeting. Seungmin was more than embarrassed and was even more embarrassed to state the reason. And when he did, everyone else was speechless. He apologized and promised to stay more focused. After practice he went out for a walk alone. Hyunjin followed him and told him he wanted to talk. He convinced Seungmin to go and talk to you but he said you needed space. Hyunjin was like you got space for a month to decide, it's time Seungmin went and asked you, rather than suffering like this. He went with him there. He was scared to knock on your door so while arguing, Hyunjin knocked the door hard and hid behind the wall. Seungmin did the I'll kill you later son hand action and Hyunjin showed a finger heart. You opened the door, not expecting to see him. To his dismay, you looked weak and exhausted. His smile faded and he felt hurt. "y/n you don't look so good" "hi to you too Seungmin" you say sarcastically. "I don't know what to say y/n I'm here to tell you I'm really sorry for being a jerk and I really miss you, like really really miss you. You've been on my mind all the time and I can't stop loving you. Please forgive me, I want to be with you again, please" you've been waiting for him to say this so you tear up and hug him. "I missed you so damn much baby" you say. "tell her how you ruined the choreography too" Hyunjin says from behind the wall.

IN

He shut everyone and everything out. He acted normal but was numb inside. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He was so happy in his work and with you, what went wrong. The older boys tried talking to offer comfort and help in their own ways. Changbin decided to treat him to Korean BBQ, to cheer him up even for just a little while. They were out, just the 2 of them, eating and enjoying talking about anything and everything. Just as he was drinking coke, his eyes found a familiar face, and with the mental connection you two had, you instantly looked his way. The eye contact you two had was filled with emotions. He could see the stress and hurt in your eyes and you saw the emptiness and longing in his. You got up and so did he, walking towards each other, you both hugged, loving the feeling. You both missed each other so much and the way you hugged each other showed that. He told you he was with Changbin, him waving to you behind Jeongin and you told him you were with your flatmates. Agreeing to meet each other later that night you went back to your tables. Changbin sees the change in IN's aura, he seems happier and less tense. "I'm happy that you're happy IN-ee" IN is all smiles. "listen, if anyone asks, I helped" "ah hyung stop" "okay okay I'm just saying that if someone asks if I helped just say yes" both of them laugh. IN and you keep exchanging happy looks and when you meet at night, you kiss him. "I missed you so much baby" he says to you.

[beigehearts]

So I'm not sure if you're comfortable writing for these kinds of things so if you aren't then you can just ignore this.

You can write it with Hisoka, Chrollo, Illumi, one or all of them I don't mind (preferably Hisoka)

But I've got issues with eating, not a full out eating disorder (at least not that I know of, I haven't been to a doctor for it) but I find it intimidating to eat full meals, and I normally only eat a couple things daily. Maybe an apple here and an orange for later.

And because of that I've sworn off having kids until I can get it under control (its been 4 years and doesn't seem to get better, I just keep losing weight) last time I weighed myself I was 112 which is getting pretty close to underweight for my height and age.

So could you please do a trio (or individual) x fem reader where she's been bullied about her weight by her mom and peers and has a hard time eating, and because of that she doesn't want to get pregnant and risk having a baby born premature or extremely unhealthy, or die. But somehow she manages to get pregnant (maybe failed contraceptives) so Hisoka/Illumi/Chrollo tries helping her get better about eating. Setting timers and having thought out meals for the day that includes all the food groups needed.

I've always been told to eat more or that all I ever eat is junk food but I'm not fat, I'm not extremely skinny, I just wish there would've been somebody telling me that everything would be fine and help me through it. Nobody has yet though, everybodys first reaction to me saying I rarely eat is that I should eat more when I literally cannot force myself to do so.

I really do apologize for this being long, and if you don't write this I can always find somebody else.

No I completely understand! I’ve struggled with my eating in the past and I sympathize. I know that hearing “just eat” and what not doesn’t help and I know it’s hard- but all you can do is try your hardest to get better- the journey is just as important as the result I’m more than happy to do this request- I really appreciate it because I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a while. I tried to get this done asap because I feel like its important I really hope you like it!!

Alright let’s get started lads fem!reader CW: eating disorder, pregnancy

Illumi

It’s been days since you had your last meal. As his future wife and a future mother it has worried him sick. And at some points you wonder if he’s only concerned about the baby. You’ve been on birth control for months after having a long talk with Illumi that children would need to wait a bit until you have yourself under control. He’s been acting strangely, he’s been pacing which he has never done before, and snapping at his brothers, sister, and mother.

You sit on the balcony, a heavy rain pounding down, the awning above you barely protecting you. You look into the distance and rub your belly, as if trying to wish away the baby. It’s not that you don’t want children, you really do, and you also want to for Illumi’s sake. But it’s not time. You’re not ready. Your body is too frail and your hips cannot hold a child. The mere thought of something going wrong with your precious baby, is enough to make you sick. You’ve been brewing in bad thoughts for days since you found out- but this isn’t time to sulk...

Illumi opens the sliding door to the balcony, staring at you for a long while before sitting on the ground next to your chair. He grabs your hand on your belly and rubs it gently- with so much affection you feel like he’s a different person.

“Y/n.” He looks up at you with his big, dark eyes. “It’s scary.” He pauses, being unusually sensitive. “I can’t wait for the baby. But I need you right now.” He seems very out of his element, he’s not exactly the type to share his emotions. Though he can tell he needs to put himself aside for the well being of his future wife and future child. “We’re going to get through this together.” He nods to himself, and places his cheek on your hand, “You don’t have to do this alone. You have me now. I apologize that I have not been doing my best for you- but we’ll do it.”

He stands up, bringing you with him, pressing you against his chest. He holds your head against him, then pats your head gently. “We’ll set a schedule. We’ll eat together at every meal. I promise to be here now.” He begins playing with your hair and wraps an arm around your waist, “It’ll be just like training.”

You tilt your head up to him and frown at the training part.

He stutters and says, “No, it’ll be a process.” A sign of small smile makes it’s way onto his face, “Our baby will be just fine.”  

Illumi has never shown you such a sensitive side of him and you begin to wonder if he’s gone through this too. Either way, his comforting head pats and warm chest are enough for you in this moment.

Hisoka

Sometimes your boyfriend could be just so oblivious. He always cares and pays attention to you but sometimes things go over his head. He equates your morning sickness which is just dry heaving with being dehydrated. Though maybe telling him would just make it easier. You’ve been telling Hisoka that you want to get better. You’re tired of this burden on you constantly. Tired of food looking like poison. He’s done his best to help you. Though he’s somewhat lost in how to do so.

He loves you dearly and honestly how much he loves you sometimes scares you. You try not to think about what lengths he’s gone for you.

Hisoka is laying in bed, shuffling cards and twirling them on his finger.  He’s quite good with his hands. Quiet music plays from the radio- some new hip hop hit. He averts his eyes from his cards, to look at you. It’s been a month and it’s about time he knows why your belly has a small bulge- it not being from you eating better or more.

You spit it out- wasting no time and getting to the point. “I’m pregnant.” You close your eyes, as if scared he’s gonna lash out or break something. But none of that happens, it’s silence.

You peek one eye open to see him doe eyed, caught in head lights. The cards fall out of his hands. He clears his throat and fixes his face, “Come here baby.” You obey him and sit down next to him on the bed, he pulls you onto his lap and holds your face in his hands.

“I wish you told me sooner. I could have prepared.”

Eyes begin swelling in your eyes and he once again looks stunned. You burst into tears and hold onto his shirt, nuzzling your head into his neck. Through broken sobs you manage to say, “I’m no good as a mother. I can’t take care of it! I’m no good Hisoka- what if I kill it? I’m no good.” Sobs rack your body, leaving your trembling against his own body.

Hands grab your shoulders and he pushes you up, then wipes the tears from your face. “You’re perfect to hold a baby. What is it you’re worried about?”

You begin to hyperventilate after you have no more tears to cry. Through each breath you gasp out, “I’m... too... small... what if... I have a...” At the mere thought of your next words your heart begins pounding, “Miscarriage?” You let out one last sob of a word, “I can’t feed me and my baby...”

He shushes you and pushes some hair behind your ear, “Oh honey. You’ve been working so hard on getting better. You’re sick and that’s okay. We just have to work harder? Right?”

Nodding but you still can’t control your breathing, he says, “Come on take a deep breath.” Listening to his directions you do. “It’s gonna be alright. You’ll be a great mother. You work so hard. We just have to keep pushing.”

You nod, and collapse against his chest and whisper, “Is the baby going to be okay?”

“Yes, and so will you.”

Chrollo

Once the both of you found out you were pregnant, it was pure confusion. You were taking contraceptives and Chrollo knows how much you don’t want a baby right now. It was a long conversation you had when you got contraceptives. Despite wanting a child, he wanted nothing more than you to be happy and healthy. It’s been months, four months to be precise. You lost 3 pounds in that time no matter what you did. You just couldn’t make yourself eat and when you did you felt terrible, guilty.

It was mealtime, all though you haven’t eaten at mealtime in weeks, Chrollo keeps trying. He made a light salad, with tomatoes and olives, that’s all. He knows how the sight of big meals only discourages you.

He steps around the table with a small plate in his hand, and sets it in front of you. A small plate with a few bites of salad. It should be easy. But it’s not. He kisses your forehead and sits on the other side of the table. A candle is lit and a single rose is in a vase. He tries to make every meal seem like a feast but lacking the food. He has a normal size bowl full of salad and he smiles at you from across the table.

“Time to eat.” He takes a bite of his salad- not pressuring you in any way to eat. The plate itself is enough pressure. You pick up the fork like you’ve practiced so many times and stare at the green leaves beneath you. The fork picks up a single leaf and you bring it to your mouth, opening and hesitantly placing it inside. Chewing is almost the worst part- but the worst part is swallowing. You swallow the leaf and look up at Chrollo. You can tell he’s trying to mask his excitement as not to overwhelm you.

The most you manage is another six single leaves, and a single, half cut cherry tomato.

You look up to him once again, shame taking over you, “That’s all I can do...”

His eyes go wide and you wonder if he’s upset that you didn’t keep going. Instead he leaps out of his chair and around the table. He picks you up into his arms and spins you around while laughing. He gently places you back down on the floor and can’t contain his smile.

“Oh darling you’re doing so great. I’m so proud of you.” Tears being to prick at your eyes when hearing his words, “You’re so good, let’s try again tomorrow okay?”

He squeezes you tightly and shakes you side to side, “You’re just so wonderful. I’m so proud.” No one has ever said they’re proud of you besides him. It’s such a blissful sound to your ears.

[scienceoftheidiot]

5, 6, 14, 5

For D&D obviously. 🙂

First, thank you so much for asking for my babies :D you know I always love to talk about them <3 !!

5. Describe their cozy night in.

Desden cooks something simple but excellent, as he does, and Diane either helps or just stays in the kitchen and watches him work (second solution occurs most often since Desden likes to oversee everything that happens in HIS kitchen and because Diane is capable of burning a fruit salad, so) while chatting occasionally. Then they eat, and finally just sit down on the sofa with a silly program on TV, like the stupidest reality show. Diane describes what happens on screen, with obvious bad faith. Occasionally, if he knows she’d been running/had a rough day or just because he feels like it, Desden might give her a back rub/massage, and he’s so good at it Diane often ends up falling asleep (he knows he’s good, he learnt from his ex who was a physiotherapist; but don’t tell Diane about her ^^”). If he wants to be a little shit he wakes her up by asking her repeatedly what is going on on the screen. 

6. Who would beg the other not to leave? Who has to leave to protect the other?

I don’t think either would actually beg the other not to leave, but Desden would be the one trying to keep Diane with him, and I don’t think he’s really that much above begging, now that I’m thinking about it. That’d be a last resort, though. 

Same, none has to leave to protect the other - Desden does believe the contrary, too, he gets to understand Diane kinda needs someone to lash onto or she’ll fall back into her family’s claws and he doesn’t want that for her. HOWEVER Diane is dumb and will be the one believing she has to leave to protect Desden if such a scenario happens. She just doesn’t know he’s not the type to stay away if you tell him so. 

14. How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

I’ll start by how they clash : Desden has always been relatively neat for a guy, and now has to be because of his disability, and Diane is an incredibly messy person who forgets where she put whatever she’d been using 2.5 sec ago, so they clash over this. Badly. Diane is very patient over Desden’s occasional mood swings, however she’s NOT the one who will compromise with others on something. No compromises for her, and while Desden is moody but absolutely harmless save a couple of sarcastic wits and bouts of brooding like a teenager, she might be patient but has anger issues and will act on them, sometimes physically. She doesn’t see the difference - he does. They clash over this, because he knows she’s not violent at heart, but she needs to be careful with her anger (it’s never directed at him, but that’s not the point). The funny part is that she actually thinks he’s right : breaking things and wanting to hit people are not the same as just yelling at clouds, not matter how irritating that last option is. But she won’t admit it. 

That patient part I mentioned is actually part of how they complement each other. Diane is virtually deaf to any rant Desden might go on since the beginning which kinda defuses him, and on the other hand Desden has a good hang on calming Diane just by his presence and soft words. Diane will never admit it but what she needs most is someone to take care of her and not take her for granted, and all Desden wants is to be useful and feed his friends to death and just. Cherish someone. Diane. Not just someone. So there’s that. Of course he also falls for her because she’s just as blunt with him as she is with anyone else, and that’s not something that happens often, especially just at their first meeting. And what they intentionally click over is Desden sharing food with her, and her taking him on forest hikes. They're things each one misses dearly and they fill this without even being asked. 

You gave me #5 twice so I figured you meant another number with a 5 so I took 15 ^^" :

15. Do they always say 'i love you' before leaving?

Not always. Desden is the one who says it. Diane is the one who. Doesn't. Ever. Not verbally. She has trouble with that. However, she does something else ! it’s in the very short story I wrote here (yeeeees this one is in English !) :D

Thanks again for this opportunity to gush about Desden and Diane :D

Obligatory OTP ask

[cadaceus]

C2E140

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my liveblogs/emotional breakdown over Campaign 2, Episode 140 of Critical Role. This was genuinely an emotional rollercoaster, and I feel so much and yet so empty at the same time? These are genuinely my longest liveblogs ever (I had a lot of emotional reactions and things to say!) so feel free to grab some snacks or water before diving into this one. Spoilers ahead, of course, so pretty please proceed with caution!

- I’m emotional thinking about this very possibly being the Mighty Nein’s last Initiative ever...

- THAT NEW LUCIEN MINI DFVGDHJKLD WHAT THE 

- Essek tied for first in Initiative let’s go babeyyyyy I’m so proud

- THE VISION OF ZUALA  😭 😭 I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS I’M SAD

- The Eyes get their turn??? Oh my god

- Ashley’s aggressive “don’t you fcking dare” when the eyes point at Beau me too, me too

- Whoaaa Caleb’s Glaive method was so interesting, I can’t believe that worked!

- STOP ATTACKING ESSEK SDFGHSJK IF HE GETS NINE EYES AND TURNS AGAINST THEM OR SOMETHING I WILL THROW A FIT

- “Veth keep your clothes on... I will cast Marine Layer” FJORD LMAOOO

- I will turn into the “leave Brittany alone” person but make it “leave Essek alone” WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO HIM

- six attacks versus Veth... ruh roh raggy

- Yasha attacking Zuala makes me so saddd 

- NOOO Cad... idk why that is the one that made me tear up, but just the image of his family beckoning for him in this city of terror is making me emotional 😭

- “That’s my child’s mother...” LMAO TRAVIS

- I genuinely just copied their “shaking weights” motion in real life adhjkdlf let’s goooo Essek!! 

- VETH IS DOWN.... GOD THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD DO NOT KILL VETH PLEASE

- “He’s gone... let him go...” oof okay that one hurt me

- Jester was so close to getting that Divine Intervention... that was almost so clutch aahhh

- why is fjord’s method of persuasion to molly just flirting with them LMAO okay king...

- “’Remember the fruit salad?’” Fjord/Travis looks so embarrassed, WHAT IS FRUIT SALAD SIR PLEASE SHARE WITH THE CLASS

- Essek actually succeeding on a Strength check to get Caleb free despite being a weak ass wizard, and then Caleb pressing his forehead against Essek’s in thanks... yes I’m soft I can’t do this, my emotions are kaput

- TWO NATURAL 20S AGAINST JESTER.....

- Jester being insta dead. I am not doing okay. Like literally about to start crying, I was not expecting it to happen that quickly or at all, she’s just so full of life and if Cad doesn’t save her.... I’m just so upset by this 😭

- One of the “Happy Thoughts” on Sam’s flask being “Luc all grown up” is so precious to me personally

- CAD BELOW 20 HP --> CAD GOING DOWN ---> CAD UP AGAIN WAS SUHC A EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER OH MY GOD

- Did Molly just scratch Lucien’s face??? Oh my god...  😭

- MATT YOU NEARLY MADE ME PANIC WITH THAT SENTENCE SFGDJKLD THAT WAS CRUEL I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS ALREADY AND THAT ALMOST DID ME OVER

- Both clerics at 1 hit point.... everything is fine :) (scared version)

- CALEB WENT DOWN I AM NOT DOING WELL EVERYONE..... THIS IS SO FREAKING ROUGH 

- Jester clutch healer, not even joking, I’m so grateful for her

- I can’t believe that it’s been three hours with no break, I need to make a mug brownie to calm myself down, free us Matt Mercer (mostly /j)

- BEAU ROLLING TWO NATURAL 20S ON HER ATTACK WITH MOLLY’S BELT AROUND HER FISTS OH MY GOD POETIC CINEMA.... THE DICE GODS ARE REAL!!!!

- Essek using his eighth level spell on Lucien after he sees Caleb go down...... MY LOVE (also I wonder what he had been saving his eighth level for, since Matt said he was saving it?)

- WAIT IS CALEB DOWN OR IS HE LIKE DEAD

- okay. just got my answer. i am not doing fine.

- HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS DSBJKDASL;KDSJKFDK JESTER YES JESTER YES..... OH MY GOD SHE DID IT I LOVE HER SO MUCH I’M SO EMO I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

- Break? What do you mean BREAK? time to make that emotional support mug brownie though.....

- Caleb’s alive! He’s safe! Thank all of the gods!

- Yasha kissing each spot on Beau’s body where the eyes were... I love them so much.

- Uh oh, Caleb is going to try to revivify Lucien/Molly isn’t he? I know it... I know he is... but sometimes you have to let people go :(

- “Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein, you’re in” oh no I’m going to cry then.... aahh

- Jester rolling a Natural 20 because she has such a good imagination is so fitting! I love her so dearly

- Beau’s appeal is going to get to me... I know it already.

- THAT NATURAL ONE HURT ME... I didn’t want Molly to come back (because sometimes it is time and they died saving the people they loved) but it still hurts, you know? To not get Molly back.

- ASHLEY;S VOICE BROKE ME... damn I was holding in my tears, but her voice when she said “there’s nothing else to do?” really got to me

- Molly being laid to rest at the Blooming Grove is so poetic, I love that

- Essek’s voice is going to get to me.... also Fjord’s “use your anger and let it fuel you” makes me think that he is speaking to his own younger self... GOD Fjord is going to make me cry

- When he said “Caleb Widogast, have you ever accepted defeat?” I was unironically waiting for a love confession

- WAIT NO WAY..... HOLY SHIT???

- DID CADUCEUS JUST ROLL A 2 PERCENT.... WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING 

- Marisha talking about the “emotional whiplash” no LITERALLY Ms Ray I understand you

- MOLLY IS BACK?????

- Matt turning to Taliesin and saying “Your eyes open for the first time in a long time” oh my god.......

- Empty. Love.

- Molly turning to Yasha and saying “Love” is so precious, I love and missed their friendship so so much

- I know I wasn’t sold on Molly coming back, but honestly this is very fitting and I love it a lot. It makes me so emotional, dear god... all of the Mighty Nein together for the first time literally ever. 😭

- “Long May He Reign” is trending on Twitter right now. I think you all know why.

- Wow, I genuinely didn’t cry this entire episode but the second is ended something in me just broke. I feel a bit speechless right now and my emotions are all over the place, but if you read all of these liveblogs please know that you are loved and valued more than you could possibly know. I love you, I love you, I love you; and is it Thursday yet? 

<3

[nbwriteschaos]

happy tag game :]

i was tagged by @galaxial-darktale ! thank you

Rules: When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications! :)

1. my girlfriend!!! she makes me very very happy she’s so supportive and kind and has genuinely the purest soul compared to anyone i have ever met. we recently just celebrated our 6 months too! love her very much

2. my cats!! i have 3 and i love them all so much i would rip off my legs and sell my toes for them and also every other cat in the world

3. creating!!! this is rather vague but it’s because i love creating literally anything, whether it be stories, oc’s, art, edits of pictures, etc! it makes me super happy

4. nature :] i’m a very spiritual person so going outside and appreciating what the universe has blessed us with is something that will forever bring me joy and comfort. i like to feed the bunnies outside of my house and collect rocks and pick flowers and watch the stars and it’s the best thing ever

5. my friends !! over the last couple of years i’ve found my., found family.. consisting of five people who i love dearly and have a ton of future plans with! two of them live a few states away but when i met them with my other two friends i think i died and came back to life, i was so happy. we have plans to go to a music festival this september and i cannot wait!!

this game made me very happy, so i hope it makes y’all happy too! i’m tagging: @night-academy @i-can-even-burn-salad @enchanted-lightning-aes @peresephones @ozzie-scribe @the-black-flucking-unicorn @carefulpyro @megan-writes @oh-no-another-idea @ceruleanice and whoever else wants to do this!!

[typinggently]

I have never watched that show. How much background info I should look up to enjoy your Sam x Dean fiction?

Dearest, that’s so sweet ahhh 🥺🥺 Honestly, I’m so honoured that you’re willing to dive into unknown waters for me 🌹🌹🌹 I wrote up a short introduction! ✨

The basics are as follows: Sam and Dean are the sons of John and Mary Winchester, with Dean being 4 years older. After Mary’s supernatural death when Dean is 5, John sweeps his children into his car and leaves the burning corpse of their normal life behind, with a sweltering pain inside of him. Driven by fear for his sons and the burning need for revenge, John raises his sons as hunters and in motel rooms. There is, and that is crucial, no resemblance of a normal life for any of them after Mary’s death.

If we’re speaking in very basic terms, Dean is the daredevil womanising Marlboro Man, complete with muscle car and leather jacket, and Sam is the more soft-spoken smart one who eats salad and has glossy-soft hair. (However, of course, Dean is fiercely family-oriented, protective, good with children. Sam started out with a rebellious streak and is still capable of great violence when he doesn’t keep himself in check. Also Dean’s the type to gaze dreamily into his girl’s eyes and hold her hand as she rides him and Sam’s one night stands are mostly of the ‘rip off your shirt and hit it from behind’ kind.)

~🖤~

Considering there are 15 seasons to choose from, people have (naturally) picked up certain elements that they find most enjoyable. There’s a good deal of people who watch it as a (romantic) comedy.

I personally enjoy the American gothic horror, the way those two are entangled beyond comprehension and, at times, indistinguishable from the monsters they hunt. Even if my fics have different topics or are lighthearted and honey-dripping, the base note is always this: their relationship, due to nature and nurture, is incredibly obsessive. Their world has been reduced to the two of them in the confines of the car or the ever-changing motel rooms, ever since they were little. Dean’s purpose in life was to protect and care for Sam, Sam’s purpose in life was to let that happen. There’s some resentment in that, sometimes you can feel them rebelling against this tangled, claustrophobic mess, but even if they fight and snarl and break up, they always return to one another and heal those cuts in their bond, which, in essence, only means that they settle back into their entangled, Janus-like double soul.

~🖤~

I’ll give you a brief summary of the first five seasons (the core of the show, at least to me), just to illustrate my point. Despite all else that happens, I think that is the foundation of the show, and thus, probably all you need to know to understand what I have in mind while I write.

🔥.1.🔥

The story begins with Sam at college, trying to establish a life away from the road and, in essence, Dean. That attempt of normality burns on the ceiling in the person of his girlfriend Jessica, repeat performance of when his mother’s body lit up his room 21 years ago. Dean picks him up and he goes back to the car, to the life he tried to leave behind, and, essentially, to Dean. They follow a trail of breadcrumbs and coordinates John leaves them to eventually get back to him. They find John, find the demon that killed Mary, and, as the turn of a new chapter is right at their fingertips, get bulldozed by a truck.

🪦.2.🪦

Season two has Dean dying. John can’t let that happen, so he finds the demon responsible for taking everything (his wife, his life, his son) from him to trade his own soul and the only thing that could kill said demon for Dean. John dies, Dean lives, and has to live with that guilt. Just like John, he turns to hunt down the demon responsible for taking everything (his mother, his life, his father). Sam starts having visions, a power grows inside of him that he can’t begin to understand and is incredibly frightened by. The demon sweeps in to steal him away, and Dean comes just in time to catch Sam, powerful and dying, in his arms. Just like John, Dean goes to trade his life. He’s promised one year on Earth, eternity in hell after. Reunited, revived, they find the demon responsible for taking everything and with the help of their father’s soul, kill him. John goes to heaven, Sam goes on living, Dean knows he’s going to hell.

⏳.3.⏳

In season three, Sam lives and has to live with what Dean did. He desperately tries to find a cure, a solution, anything. He finds Ruby, instead, a demon who promises him all three. It doesn’t work, the overly-powerful demon Lilith who was promised Dean after one year, comes and gets him. Sam watches helplessly as Dean is torn apart, then holds him, warm but cooling, in his arms.

🩸.4.🩸

Season four finds Dean finding himself breathing underground. He digs himself out of his own grave and finds Sam and has to find out that Ruby found him first. It’s now that we learn who found Dean and raised him out of hell: Castiel, unkillable, unfathomable, unbelievable. Dean, who never believed in God, now has to learn that there’s a biblical plan laid out for Sam and him. Meanwhile, Castiel, who always believed and is starting to doubt, tries to find God, who’s responsible for it all, but vanished. Meanwhile, Sam is drawn closer and closer to Ruby, by Ruby. While Castiel raised Dean out of hell, Ruby found Sam on Earth and wrapped herself around him, offering a shoulder to cry on and a wrist to drink from. Sam, who wasn’t strong enough to save Dean, quickly gets addicted to demon blood, which makes him stronger than humanely possible — and, in Dean’s eyes, less human. He falls for Ruby and falls for her scheme, which leads to him breaking the seal that kept Lucifer contained, starting what will lead to the end of everything. Ruby’s life ends with Sam’s arms wrapped around her, holding her still as Dean sinks her own knife into her.

⌛️.5.⌛️

Season five leads to the end of the world, with Heaven and Hell trying to convince Sam and Dean to follow the plan written for them: Sam is destined to be Lucifer’s vessel, give over his body to him, while Dean is meant to do the same for Michael. They are meant to fight and kill each other, and thus decide the fate of everything, heaven, hell and earth. They refuse. Dean refuses to let Michael enter and use him, forcing heaven to manipulate their half-brother Adam to step into his big brother’s shoes. Sam invites Lucifer in, but refuses to do as he’s told and breaks the Devil’s hold over him to sacrifice himself and Adam and save everything. It ends with Sam, Adam, Michael and Lucifer trapped for eternity in the cage Sam broke the seal of, and Dean, on Earth. Alone.

(Not quite, of course. Following Sam’s wish, he finds a life for himself, a woman and a child that isn’t his but close enough that Dean can pretend. Outside, in the dark, Sam watches.)

~🖤~

Voilà, that’s it. Sam and Dean kill and die for each other, sell their souls and humanity to save one another or repent for the fact that they couldn’t. There are many, many other stories interwoven there, for example the story of the amulet Sam was meant to gift their father when he was little, for protection. When John doesn’t show up to receive the gift, he gives it to Dean. For decades, the amulet is kept right against his heart, until it stops beating and Sam takes it off, to keep it warm and safe against his own chest. When Dean returns from hell, Sam, who was never able to believe that Dean was really gone, gives it back. Its journey ends where it began, in a motel room with Sam and Dean, when Dean, who finds his faith and hope to save them and the Earth crushed, takes it off and throws it away.

(And a quick look at s6: Dean has the orange juice for breakfast, scent of freshly cut grass life Sam wanted for him for one year, until Sam comes to collect him again. After spending an eternity in the cage with Lucifer (and Adam and Michael, who presumably sat in their corner and made out while Sam was being skinned like Marsyas), Sam was lifted out (by Castiel), but lost his soul and the memories of his torment in the process. What does it mean for one to lose one’s soul, what happens to that person? Sam stops sleeping, he stops caring what other people think, he stops caring for other people in general. He’s an incredibly efficient hunter and spends most of his (limitless, sleepless) time hunting, exercising, or having sex. Despite this empty, cold shell his brother has been reduced to, Dean drops his life of dinner at eight and slow morning sex to join Sam, and gets broken up with over the phone for being too attached to Sam.)

~🖤~

This got quite long after all, but I hope this got the idea across! Those two are very fascinating characters and I love them dearly. Twisted little clowns.

[thechekhov]

You guys have been asking for it so HERE it IS! An advice thread about comic-making for people who wanted to know my process.

Answering it every time with something like “JUST START!” and “do whatever!” is probably pretty discouraging to people who are legitimately lost, so I wanted to make something a bit more cohesive. This series of posts will be done over time, on different topics, and I will link each part when I make it.

1) Thinking of a story (this part) 2) Making characters  3) Drafting pages (coming soon) 4) Presentation (coming eventually, we hope)

So, without further ado, let’s get STARTED! 

*Disclaimer: I am NOT professionally trained. I have no creative writing degree, nor a comic-making or art degree. I am literally just sharing my own process and my own thoughts to help others, because they wanted to know. If you have beef with how I do things, that’s fine. Criticise away!

Q: I want to write a story. But I don’t know where to start.

Good! Start with that. Not knowing.

No, I’m serious. Not knowing is what gets us places. Not knowing gets us thinking. And we have a LOT of thinking ahead of us. 

Many storytellers admit that most of their writing starts in their head. Most of us go through our day in a sort of half-conscious haze, doing everyday things on autopilot, running errands while barely conscious of what the hell is going on. Inside our heads, we are writing. Well, not really writing. Imagining. 

I personally am a painfully visual person. When I have an idea, it’s like a goddamn AMV in my brain. I imagine the scenario like a movie, and most of it moves along on its own. I’m not really writing it as much as I’m just directing it - changing the camera angle, asking for a re-take when something feels a bit off. Then, I go home and try to write it down on paper, or draw it, and then I tear at my hair and go “THIS ISN’T LIKE WHAT I IMAGINED AT ALL, i’M A FAILURE” and then I go have some tea, calm down, try again, rinse, repeat...

So, what if you’re having trouble imagining? Well, you need practice. (You DON’T need visual memory, or the ability to visualize. You can think in words, conversations, concepts - whatever. It’s all a part of the imagination.)

I would start with a scene from a book or movie you really like. Just start with what you already have. Maybe it’s a calm moment. Maybe it’s the middle of a battle. Or the middle of an argument. Go there, immerse yourself into that moment, and then think “...but what if...?”

The “what if...?” is important. Keep that in your toolbelt. It’ll help us many times throughout this journey.

Stop thinking “I’m gonna write a story”. Start thinking ABOUT the story. Just start imagining, as hard as you can.

Q: I have a general idea of what happens, but I can’t seem to get it together into a plot.

Sometimes, it helps to write things down. It doesn’t need to be prose - just make it loose and to the point. Not even full sentences. Just “____ happens” and “___is sad” and “_____ dies”. Put them all over the page. Then, go through and connect them with a line. 

When I write plot, some of my brainstorming looks like this:

I think maybe if you spend enough time and channel this guy

...you will know what the hell I was trying to do here. But the point is, it’s not for the audience. It’s for ME. So it’s allowed to be messy. You can see how I labeled some concepts and connected them with string. The numbers are actually for chronological exposition. I was trying to keep track of which things I wanted to reveal first, and which would come later. 

Q: I know I should plan, but I can’t do it. I just wanna write! 

Good! I was also like this at one point. Actually, I hate planning on paper. I lose interest. (I still do it sometimes, but only for the most complex stuff.) 

So, if you don’t want to do it - don’t!! Who cares. 

Start writing. Start drawing. 

But leave yourself room to re-arrange. Learn tetris. Play tetris. (it’s a good game)

When I write/draw I often go in for the meaty parts first. I like this one quote:

which is basically - BASICALLY - the most succinct description of writing I’ve ever seen. 

The thing is-- The thing IS!! the REASON we read is JUST FOR THOSE EMOTIONALLY HORNY MOMENTS!!! Literally the only reason anyone is THERE, in the story, is to experience that peak of emotion, whatever it might be. It could be the excitement of a chance meeting between two characters. It could be the thrill of battle. It could be the pain of loss or misunderstanding. 

The rest of it? I’m sorry to say, but the rest of these things are just bridges. And yes, bridges can be LOVELY. They are absolutely important to have. But we can’t pretend that we don’t read some long drawn-out stories all the while thinking “but I really don’t care, can we please get on with it?”. 

So, don’t be afraid to focus on the stuff you just want to write. Because most likely, it’s the stuff other people want to read. Just get the meat and potatoes of it out there - fill in the salads later. 

Q: I’m not getting any new ideas. Help!

Drop it. 

No, I don’t mean the story - although I suppose that’s also an option - I mean the idea. 

I hear you - you dOn’t hAVE ANy!! But the thing is, ideas are all connected. If you have one idea, the rest cascade from it. If you get to a dead end in your story, you’re not on an island - you’re at the end of the road. You DO have somewhere to go - you can go backwards.

And yes, like dogs, authors sometimes have trouble with the concept of walking backwards because it’s uncomfortable and we get tangled up in the leash of the plot we’re on. But that doesn’t make it impossible to teach you a new trick. (Don’t give me those puppy eyes.)

If you have no new ideas, then you need to walk back to your last idea and ask yourself “how is this leading to a dead end?”. Or the last idea before that. 

“My character is stuck in an abandoned building but I have no idea what should happen now. I’m lost. :( ”

No you’re not. Your character is - why the fuck was she in the abandoned building in the first place? Why did she go there? Who sent her? Who is she? What are her motivations? Take the time dial and wind it backwards until you are at a fork in the road and try the other road. 

Rince, repeat.

Q: How do I get people to like my story? 

You don’t.

I’m sorry, but no amount of ‘please read this!’ or ‘CREATORS NEED REBLOGS, NOT LIKES’ will get people to engage with your story any more than they already are, aside from, well, their own volition.  

Some people just straight up won’t click with your story. Some will. Some will click HARD but will miss the point entirely. Some people will love it dearly but never, ever, EVER say a word to you. 

That’s just how people are. You can’t blame them for not being your Dream Audience. That ain’t their damn job. And as a content creator, unless you’re being commissioned to do something very specific, it also ain’t YOUR damned job to be a crowd-pleaser! 

Write what you love. Connect where you can. The rest will follow. 

That’s about all I have for writing - more will be added later! 

Cheers.

[xmagicxshopx]

Spring Cleaning - Chapter 4

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Comedy Rating: PG - M ( future smut ) Warnings: None in this chapter Pairing: personal assistant!jungkook x ceo!reader Notes: AU fic. Not idol!jungkook. Single quote marks ‘ ‘ are for thoughts and double “ “ are for talking. Additional Notes: This chapter may seem like a filler but I think it’s important for character development since Kook and reader are spending time together and getting to know each other~

Tagging: @deolly​ @katebacks​

Summary: Your mother built you to be a thriving business machine. However, in her old age, she’s growing soft and wants grand kids to spoil. Your home and yard are a mess due to your busy schedule. So your mother attempts to kill two birds with one stone.

MASTERLIST || CH 1 || CH 2 || CH 3 

“Good night, Mr. Jeon.”

“Good night, Miss. Kwon.”

Last night had ended just as the night before. Only......it hadn’t? As he laid there in bed staring at the ceiling but not really seeing it, he let the events of last night play back in his mind’s eyes. You had told him that you were going to call off work tomorrow.....which would mean today. You----The workaholic who literally worked till she dropped, was going to take a day off??? It almost seemed too good to be true. Yet here he was, another morning rolling around and this time.....he wouldn’t have to watch you leave for work at the ass crack of dawn. It was Monday so normally you’d be getting up and getting ready for work.

“She seemed to really like breakfast yesterday. Perhaps I’ll see if she’s up and I can make more for her.”

Changing into a simple over sized t-shirt and some sweats, he made his way out of his room and instantly noticed the smell of coffee filling the house. Hmm......Well he knew that could have only came from one person. You. So it would seem you were already up. Not surprising but hopefully you’d still be somewhere around here and not having lied to him. Now that he had time to process everything, he was genuinely looking forward to you staying home today.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the bottom in nothing flat. Subconsciously ruffling and fluffing his shaggy long locks, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw not only you sitting at the dining table sipping on coffee, but your mother too. Well dang.

“Jungkookieeee! Darling! It’s so good to see you! Come! Have some coffee with us!”

While he had managed to keep professional eye contact with your mother, he was pretty sure he could see you visibly cringe out of the corner of his eye and he couldn’t help but internally snicker. Your mother was quite......obvious with her intentions still despite everything. However, he offered a warm and friendly smile before saying casually in a light and happy tone,

“I’d love to, Mrs. Kwon. Thank you.”

Of course she motioned for him to sit next to you and who was he to defy your mother??? Trying to keep a straight face and not grin like a moron, he took the seat next to you and decided to sneak a glance your way. You seemed to be texting someone at a rate that not even he could keep up with. If the look of deep concentration was anything to go by, he decided it was best not to say anything to you till you were done.

“How do you like your coffee, my dear?”

“Oh just black is fine, Mrs. Kwon.”

“Ugh. Gross. You’re just like my daughter. You two need more sweetness in your lives. Some sugar and cream. Lots of cream.”

Thank god he hadn’t actually took a drink from his mug yet or else he would have choked just as he nearly had on the noodle from his soup last night. What was it with these Kwon women??? Always full of surprises it would seem. After cautiously taking a sip of his coffee, he glanced over to see what your reaction had been but you simply kept typing furiously away on your phone.

“So what brings you over so early in the morning, Mrs. Kwon? Is everything alright?”

“Oh I just happened to get a frantic text from my poor Jiminnie this morning. Something about how my daughter might be in trouble because she was calling off work today. So I rushed right over.”

However, the tone that your mother spoke in was anything but worried. In fact, her voice just happened to be dripping in amusement. Something that the male instantly caught on to. Taking another sip of his coffee, he noticed you grumbling as you finally put your phone down. Goodness. Weren’t your thumbs about to fall off?

“I still don’t think it’s that big of a shock. I’m taking a day away from the office. So what???”

The table grew silent while you huffed and took a sip of your now stone cold coffee. Oh well. That was okay. It would be cold like your soul as you thought to yourself. Even though your mother liked to pick on you, even she knew now wasn’t a good moment to poke fun at your statement. While Jungkook hadn’t known you for very long, less than a week in fact, he knew enough not to comment either. It was then that your mother decided to break the tense silence as she cleared her throat and asked casually,

“So what are the plans for today, my darlings?”

That was a good question. What were your plans??? Now that you weren’t sitting there texting Jimin an entire playbook on how to run a company for just. one. day., you finally had some time to think about what you wanted to do with this time away from the office. The growling of your stomach gave you the first idea.

Grocery shopping. Ah yes. You were supposed to do that with Jungkook sometime soon. So that way he could fix food he knew you would actually like instead of just guessing. Hearing a soft chuckle over next to you, you glanced over to see Jungkook smiling to himself in amusement and delight as he silently got up from his chair before padding over to the kitchen and announcing happily,

“Mrs. Kwon, you should stay for breakfast. My treat.”

“Why thank you, dear! Mr. Jeon has quite the manners. Doesn’t he, sweetheart?”

“Absolutely selfless, he is.”

Your tone was one of a deadpanned as you silently grumbled while sipping on your ice cold coffee. You could practically feel the male snickering behind you while he shared a look of amusement with your mother. Two against one. How unfair. While Jungkook went about fixing breakfast for the three of you, your mother pipped up about how it would be a good idea to start making a list of all the groceries you’d need.

It kind of reminded you of the days where she was training you to be her successor. The one to take her place in the company that she had held so dearly once upon a time. But now it was almost like your mother was teaching you how to be a normal human being again. Honestly, it wasn’t far from the truth. You didn’t know it, but your mother felt incredibly guilty for having turned you into such a workaholic. A soul who was alive but not actually living.

As he stood there in the adjoining kitchen cutting up peppers to put in the fried potatoes, he couldn’t help but watch you and your mother at the dining table. It all felt so.......domestic? The real question was.....how did that make him feel? The initial feeling was that he liked it. But should he? This was supposed to be a job and a job only for him. Cooking, cleaning, being your personal assistant so that you could focus on your company and not have to worry about life at home so much.

So then why did it feel like he was fixing breakfast for his girlfriend and his potential mother-in-law???

Shaking his head a bit to clear it, he continued working on breakfast and decided to listen in on your conversation. Perhaps focusing on tasks such as grocery shopping would help distract him from these odd thoughts and feelings that were bubbling inside his chest and confusing his brain.

It seemed like in no time at all, a western omelet fit for royalty had been placed on three plates as well as Jungkook coming up with his own little healthy touch of fruit salad as a small side dish for each of them as they all three sat at the dining table. But not before the male had kindly offered to refill their coffee mugs. Needless to say, your mother was glowing while you were brooding.

“My my my. I’m going to have to come over for breakfast more often! I could get used to this!”

“You want him? You can have him.”

Having quickly become used to your sour humor, your words didn’t phase Jungkook a bit. As for your mother, however, she still lightly scolded you for being so rude to someone who had just slaved over a hot stove to make you breakfast. If your mother only knew. Jungkook thrived in the kitchen and being a slave was the last thing he felt like right now.

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Kwon. I take no offense to it. Please do enjoy your breakfast before it gets cold.”

Wow. When your mother was all feather ruffled and huffy and puffy......it made the two of you look so much alike. There was no denying that you two were blood related. In that moment, Jungkook learned that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. It was actually kind of cute, really. Thankfully, your mother took his encouraging words and ran with it as she finally took the first bite of the best omelet she had ever had.

Aside from the occasional bickering between you and your mother, breakfast was actually quite lovely. If it hadn’t been for looking over the grocery list the two of you had made up, Jungkook would have started feeling all domestic again and that wasn’t what he needed right now. He needed to stay focused on his job and be just your personal assistant. Nothing more and nothing less.

‘Stay focused, Jeon.’

Once breakfast was over and Mrs. Kwon insisted on helping load the dishwasher, you had made the announcement that you’d be heading upstairs to shower before accompanying your assistant to the grocery store. Both your mother and said assistant simply nodded with smiles that were nearly identical in mischief. This only caused you to narrow your eyes suspiciously at them before huffing and heading upstairs. Still not fair.

“You know, Jungkookie, there’s a carnival in town this week. Perhaps you and my daughter might wish to go?”

Dang. Your mother wasn’t going to make his latest internal struggle any easier, was she? At first, he really hadn’t minded her obvious attempts at match making. However, now that he was starting to feel these odd domestic type feelings, it was becoming much more difficult to shrug them off as just all-in-good-fun teasing.

“A carnival sounds like a lot of fun, Mrs. Kwon. Would you like to join in if we go?”

There. Maybe if he could try to turn the tables a bit, it might make him feel a little less self-conscious. While he appreciated your mother’s enthusiasm and confidence in his ability to please you, Jungkook was in no shape to be someone’s love interest. For several reasons. Reasons that he really didn’t care to think about right now.

“Oh my no. I wouldn’t want to intrude. But I think my daughter needs to get out more and she seems to listen to you better than she does me. So perhaps you could convince her to go, hmm?”

Well that didn’t work. At all. He should have known better, honestly, but it had been worth a shot. After assuring the woman that he would at least try to run the idea by you, that seemed to be enough to satisfy her and she proceeded to insist that she could handle the dishes if he too wanted to wash up before heading to the grocery store.

With that, he nodded and headed up the stairs to take a quick shower and make himself decent for the task at hand. While in the shower, it felt anything but quick as he got lost in thoughts. Thoughts of you and your mother and how he felt about having breakfast with the two of you. It was nice. Really nice. But he was probably just overthinking it. He had a tendency to do that with things that confused him.

After getting all washed up and towel drying his shaggy mop of hair, he then proceeded to comb and dry said mop. Honestly, he felt he looked more mature with long hair but dang was it a hassle to take care of. Once his dark locks were perfectly quaffed, he dressed in a light yellow button up shirt tucked into a pair of ripped skinny jeans.

There we go. Not too dressy but not too casual. Spritzing on some cologne his father got him for his birthday last year, he checked himself in the mirror one more time before determining he looked good and professional. He could only imagine how his best friend from Busan Jimin felt. Having to wear a monkey suit day in and day out being your real assistant.

If only you knew that him and Jimin knew each other. That your personal assistant and company assistant were childhood best friends from Busan. For some reason, he just didn’t have the desire to tell you yet. That was something else he couldn’t quite explain. Why exactly did he want to keep it a secret? What did he have to gain by keeping the information from you? There he goes again, thinking way too much.

‘Get your butt out there, Jeon. They’re probably waiting on you.’

After giving himself a small pep talk in the bathroom mirror to just act natural and that he’s on business as your personal assistant, he took one last deep breath and exhaled slowly before bracing himself and heading out of his room to truck downstairs. He could do this. He could do this. This is a business trip to stock your home with food that he will eventually cook for you. Just business. Just busin----

Wow.

He was beginning to think he was going to be the next poor sap stuck in a monkey suit if this was how you always dressed to go grocery shopping.

Pointed toed heels that looked more like weapons rather than footwear. And dang did you look dangerous in that pantsuit. Keeping it classic. Black. Pitch black. Not to mention how it hugged your body in all the right ways. For a woman who either didn’t eat at all or ate nothing but take-out, you still had a gorgeous figure. Or maybe he was just biased???

Your hair was pulled back in what appeared to be the most tight knit bun he had ever seen. In fact, just looking at it was giving him a headache. Maybe if you didn’t have your hair up so tightly all the time, you wouldn’t be so grumpy. But he wasn’t about to tell you that. He’d like to keep all his body parts attached, thanks. Seriously......those heels could poke someone’s eye out.

“You ready to head out, Mr. Jeon? Mother has offered to watch the place while we’re out.”

“Absolutely, Miss. Kwon.”

“You two enjoy the shopping trip and I’ll just be here monitoring the dishwasher and maybe dust here and there a bit. I’ll make sure Jimin holds down the fort at the company as well. Just go and enjoy yourselves!”

Well.....as enjoyable as grocery shopping could be, anyhow. With an obvious eye roll, you simply snapped your fingers and started moving to the door, heels making clacking sounds loud enough to wake the dead. Given the fact that your floors switched back and forth between hardwood and marble. God didn’t your feet hurt in those things??? Weren’t your toes squished???

It was when the two of you finally got outside and was swinging by the garage that he realized it had never been discussed who’s vehicle they’d be taking. But judging from your confident steps towards your sleek black Hyundai Palisade, it would appear that you were driving. He shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly. It made perfect sense. With his truck, he didn’t have much space in the backseats and he highly doubted the bed of a truck was sanitary for food to be packed into.

You had already climbed into the driver’s seat by the time he got to the passenger side. He was no psychologist, but from the short amount of time he had spent with you thus far, he could tell one thing.......You liked being in control. Of everything. Wordlessly climbing into the passenger seat, he got himself buckled in and watched you start the vehicle before the two of you were finally out of the garage and on your way to the grocery store.

“Okay. The job is simple. We get the list out, buy everything on the list, pay for it, and get out of here.”

Jungkook expected nothing less from you so he simply smiled and gave you a thumbs up before climbing out of the car. The ride to the store had been silent as the grave and he wasn’t about to ruin that. It was an odd peaceful kind of silence even if he could feel your mild agitation radiating from you in the driver’s seat. If this had truly been your first day off from the company in---like---ever, then he could understand how tense you might be feeling. You probably felt like a new mother letting go of her new born baby for the first time since giving birth.

Walking into the store, you immediately pulled your phone out to bring up your electronic list. While you did that, Jungkook took it upon himself to be your assistant and took a disinfectant wipe from the public dispenser and cleaned down the bar handle of one of the carts from the docking area. With list ready and a cart set to go, the two of you made your way to the first section of the store. The fruits and vegetables.

So far so good. You were being very cooperative and well-behaved during the whole trip. A nice change from the first time the two of you went to the store together. Perhaps because you were working. You actually had a task that you needed to complete. Again, Jungkook was no psychologist, but he was pretty sure if you weren’t working, you just simply didn’t know how to act. Which was kind of, sort of, really sad.

“Okay so we’ve taken care of the fruits, vegetables, meats. Now what?”

“Well if we’re going to have stir fry one night this week, we’re going to need some rice. Let’s head there next.”

There he goes again. That feeling bubbling up in his chest again and filling his stomach with butterflies. Dang it. He had been doing so good too. But watching you retrieve items here and there, sometimes needing his help because the items were too high up, it all felt so.......domestic. That word just kept floating around in his head. It felt like the two of you had decided to go to the grocery store after work. Discussing dinners ahead of time and all that. Gah he was going to go insane!

You, on the other hand, were having a hard time focusing but for other reasons. Your assistant was dressed quite nicely today despite the lack of professionalism. While you approved of the yellow button up, the skinny jeans were a bit too casual for your liking. Or maybe you just didn’t like how well they hugged his thighs? Nah. It was just too casual for you. Yeah. That was it. That had to be the reason. Maybe next time you’d make a comment about dressing more appropriately for the job. But today you’d let it slide.

He smelled really nice too. You briefly wondered what cologne he uses when you realized that you couldn’t reach a box of pasta for Italian Nights. Without even having to ask, you could feel a huge warm body coming up behind you that smelled just like your assistant. Sure enough, Jungkook extended his long arm and easily plucked the box of pasta from the shelf before flashing you a bright bunny-like smile and handing it over to you.

“Here you are, Miss. Kwon.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jeon. I appreciate it. Now you know one of the reasons why I don’t go grocery shopping in the first place.”

Wow. Did you just crack a joke??? He was pretty sure you did. Or at least tried to. Smiling and feeling more at ease knowing that you were starting to ease up a bit, he continued to push the cart that only kept getting heavier and heavier as the two of you walked down the aisles. The rest of the trip went mostly in silence aside from the small discussion of price comparing here and the task of picking out the least beaten up box there.

It seemed like in no time at all, the two of you were heading up to the register and placing the items down for scanning and payment. This process too went mostly in silence but, again, it was peaceful. An unspoken agreement that there didn’t need to be words exchanged in order to check out their groceries. This was a job, after all. He needed to stay professional.

Thank goodness you had brought your vehicle instead of his because he wasn’t sure if even the bed of his truck would have held all these groceries. After Jungkook insisting that he do all the packing and storing into the vehicle, being that he was your assistant and all, you took this opportunity to send a quick text to Jimin asking him how things were going before shooting your mother a text informing her that the two of you were on your way home now.

“I think that was a very successful trip, don’t you think, Miss. Kwon?”

“It wasn’t as bad as I had initially thought it would be. Although I don’t remember groceries being so pricey. Then again.....it has been awhile.”

While you spoke in your professional tone, it still made him smile to hear you yet again trying to poke fun at your own self. You were lightening up. Even if only just a little. Progress was progress no matter how small. That’s how he looked at it. With the both of you in the vehicle once more with the back plum full of food, you put it in gear and started the trip back home.

“Thank you for helping me with the groceries, Mr. Jeon. I feel our next task should be shopping for items such as cleaning supplies and toiletries. Not just for myself, but for you as well. My home is your home now.”

Dang. Maybe there was something in that chicken soup he made last night that he didn’t know about. Or maybe all you needed was some real sleep and rest in order to feel a little bit better and a little less moody. Not only did you just thank him, but you said your home was his home. You were certainly giving him whiplash with your crazy mood swings.

“And after that, we should focus on the grounds of the estate. Compile that list of tools and equipment you’ll need and we will make another trip out.”

“Will that trip be today, Miss. Kwon? Don’t forget, we need to eat lunch soon.”

“Probably not today. We’ll run out of time. Because this afternoon, after lunch, we’ll make a run to the store for items such as the cleaning supplies and any toiletries I’ve failed to stock up on. But again, we’re shopping for you too. So purchase anything you need while we’re there. It won’t come out of your paycheck so don’t worry about that.”

“Thank you for your kindness and generosity, Miss. Kwon. I greatly appreciate it. I will do my very best to make this arrangement worth your time and money.”

While you knew what the poor man was referring to, it still sent your mind straight to the gutter. Trying not to snicker or, rather, trying not to snicker too noticeably, you found yourself finally pulling into the driveway of your huge estate and pressing the button that would open the garage door. Once the car was parked, you turned it off and sported a smug smile while taking your seat belt off as you said casually yet teasingly,

“Be careful, Mr. Jeon. Anyone who didn’t know any better might think your intentions are anything but pure.”

At first he didn’t get it. Those doe eyes of his blinking at you in confusion as you smirked and got out of the vehicle, but not before popping the trunk and unlocking all the doors and heading inside the house. Anything but pure??? Why would you say that? It almost sounded like you were trying to say he was.......OH!! Instantly, he could feel the heat sprout all over his face and down his neck and even to the tips of his ears. It spread like a wildfire as he quickly climbed out of the passenger seat.

He would never do that to you! Never ever! He was a good man! Suddenly needing to pop the top button of his yellow dress shirt, the poor boy managed to resist as he tried his very best to focus on the task at hand which was to pack the groceries into the house. Oh god! Your mother was in there!

‘Heavenly Father, please give me the strength to deal with these Kwon women!’

After saying the quick prayer and doing his very best to calm himself down, he cleared his throat and began taking bags into both of his arms. Given his muscular physique, it was super easy for him to pack several bags on both arms. Unbeknownst to him, he was getting payback as you came back around the corner of the garage to help him.

Muscles. Lots and lots of muscles. Bulging muscles. You had to stop yourself right on the spot as you had just came from informing your mother that the two of you were back from the shopping trip and would need some help packing the groceries in. First of all, you weren’t quite sure why you felt the need to help since it was Jungkook’s job as your assistant to do this stuff and he would normally be doing all of this by himself anyway while you were at work.

Secondly, why were you still standing there eyeing him up like a piece of meat??? Perhaps it was because of the.......dry spell.....you had found yourself in recently. Yeah. That was probably it. You were just horny. Sexually frustrated. Yeah. That was it. Pulling yourself together just in time for Jungkook to turn around, you managed to plaster that confident smirk from earlier back on your face as you gave him a curt nod only to watch his face flush pink all over again.

“Oh my, Jungkookie! You look flushed! And no wonder from packing all those bags. Here. Let me help you.”

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Kwon. I got this. But if it wouldn’t be too much to ask, may I have a bottle of water?”

“Absolutely, my dear boy! Anything for you!”

The male was grateful that your mother was so easily distracted. Not to mention he could really use that bottle of water right now. He needed something to cool himself down. That smirk you had worn was just a little too much for him right now. He was still rather flustered over your teasing words from earlier.

It wasn’t that Jungkook was innocent. He wasn’t a virgin, that’s for sure. But......that topic was just......different for him? He was the type of guy who wanted to find his beautiful princess and turn her into a queen. He wanted to love her and cherish her. Settle down and start a family with her. It wasn’t sex to him. It was making love. So perhaps that’s why he was so taken aback by your crude words. Because that’s not who he was. Again----He was a good man.

“Here you go, my dear. Take a moment and just relax. Sip on some water and I’ll take these into the kitchen.”

“No no, Mrs. Kwon. This is my job as your daughter’s assistant. I just needed something to help with the spring heat is all.”

“Nonsense. I may be up there in years but I’m not crippled yet.”

Knowing it was no use to fight with a Kwon woman, he simply uncapped the bottle of water and let the ice cold liquid run down his throat. There. That was better. He just needed to cool off a bit and it would help him focus a bit better. With the cold water running through his heated bloodstream, he set the bottle down on the foyer table and went back out to help pack in more groceries.

With the three of you working together, all the groceries were now packed into the kitchen and all that needed to be done was putting them away in appropriate cabinets and such. Jungkook insisted he be the one to do that while you and your mother decide on what you want for lunch. This way you were stuck with your mother and couldn’t tease him any further. At least for a little bit.

After deciding on barbecued pulled pork and a side salad, Jungkook quickly went to work in his favorite habitat. The kitchen. While he allowed the pork to cook, he had taken time to make a fresh pitcher of lemonade. Fresh as in fresh fresh. No powdery packets or any of that imitation stuff you can buy in the store in the water enhancement aisle. No. He was taking real lemons and squeezing them into a pitcher of heaven.

Filling three cups up full of ice and lemonade, he set two of them for you and your mother on the dining table where you were currently trying to calm down a frantic Jimin as he practically screeched in panic through your cell phone. He might as well have been on speaker, honestly. Sighing heavily, you excused yourself from the dining and connecting kitchen area to go up to your office where you could have a proper conference call with your frazzled assistant. Seriously. It was one day! One day!

“Jungkookie, darling, could you have a seat with me, please?”

Oh boy....

How did this keep happening to him???

“Sure thing, Mrs. Kwon. Let me just check on the pork really quick.”

Trying to buy himself all of an extra few seconds to brace himself, the male actually did check the meat and it was coming along nicely. With nothing else to help him worm his way out of this conversation, he tried to act cool and calm on the outside as he took a seat at the table next to your mother.

“First of all, the lemonade is wonderful.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kwon. I felt it was appropriate for spring time.”

“Indeed indeed. However, that’s not what I wish to talk to you about.”

He figured as much. And rather than saying it out loud, he remained silent as he waited for the older woman to speak once more. Although Jungkook couldn’t help but notice how her face was suddenly etched with lines of sadness and guilt. She turned in her seat so that she could face him more and he did the same out of respect. Clearly something was bothering your mother.

“I know I don’t make my intentions very secretive. But you have to understand, Kookie. I’ve destroyed my own daughter and I need to put her back together. It’s my fault she’s like this and I need to right this wrong I’ve done.”

“Mrs. Kwon, with all due respect, your daughter is her own person who makes her own decisions. You didn’t do anything to her. She’s chosen to be this way.”

His heart was hammering in his chest as he realized this conversation was taking quite the deep turn. This definitely wasn’t the conversation he was expecting to have given his previous exchanges with your mother. The woman in front of him now was torn with sadness and misery. It broke his heart to see someone as sweet as your mother feeling so sad like this.

“But it is my fault, Kookie. I trained her to be this way because that’s how I was back in the day. But now that I’m getting older and I’ve slowed down.....I realize now how important it is to stop and smell the roses. That life isn’t entirely about work. I did that to her. I treated her like a robot to be programmed a certain way and now my little girl is gone.”

Oh boy. Now your mother was starting to cry. Oh boy. Okay. He could do this. He could handle this. Trying to stay calm for her on the outside, he got up from his seat and briskly went into the living room where he found a box of tissues and came back only to offer one and set the box on the table while he took his seat once more. Gently rubbing the woman’s back, he spoke softly,

“Mrs. Kwon. You were only doing what you thought was best for your company at the time. But things change. People change. Perhaps your daughter enjoys being busy with the company?”

“But she’s not living, Kookie. She’s alive but she’s not living. She just goes through the motions like the robot I turned her into. She doesn’t get out and socialize. She doesn’t treat herself to anything nice. She’s breathing but that’s all she’s doing.”

Suddenly, the woman took both of his hands in hers and she sniffled a little before putting her full attention back on the male. Good lord he hated to see women cry. Especially women as sweet as your mother. He could feel a lump forming in his throat as he gently gripped her hands while he waited for her to say something.

“I need you to help her, Jungkook. I know it’s selfish of me but I need your help. When Jimin reached out to me and told me about you, I knew you were the one who was going to bring my daughter back to me. And maybe......”

He felt his eyebrows knit together in confusion as he listened to this new round of information. Jimin had been behind this??? Wait.......oh.......Okay. Now it made sense. Your mother was looking out for you......while his best friend was looking out for him.

“And just maybe.......you can heal too.”

Meanwhile, you stood there at the bottom of the stairs with your back against the wall listening in. But all you got to hear was that your assistant needed healing. What did that mean? Was he sick? Did he need this job to help pay medical bills?

‘What’s your story, Mr. Jeon Jungkook?’

[damfinofanfiction]

Chapter 8: To the East and The Gold Rush

Waking up in New York City was nothing new for the former Vaudeville performer. Buster was accustomed to whichever time zone he was in. He had gone to the east coast for a business trip/vacation with his wife Natalie and they’re staying at the Biltmore Hotel. The couple had attended the premiere of Seven Chances at the Capital theater. They were accompanied by people more favorable to Keaton such as his father Joe, a friend from childhood, Lex Neal, and Nick Schenck, a brother of his boss Joseph. Knowing that the missus missed their children and her sisters dearly, he held her hand the entire event. The screening had a good reception. Keaton was glad that the movie was well-received, although he remained resentful. Natalie was grateful for his presence, but nothing had changed as they still sleep in different bedrooms based on her insistence. After a few busy days, the real vacation began. Now he will be spending a day with his better half.

Once out of bed, Buster puts on his robe and went to the sitting area of their suite to call room service. He saw that Natalie was already awake and sitting frantically on the couch, he said to her, "Good morning Nate."

The missus stopped what she was doing and replied calmly, "Oh Morning."

Her fingers tapped on her knee as she appeared agitated. Buster had not seen her in this state in a while. Natalie was staring at the door and he shot his eyes at it, "Are you waiting for the letter?”

She quivered when she said, “I haven’t heard from mother yet.” Peg was watching the Keaton boys back in California.

He sat next to her and reassured her, "The boys are gonna be alright. We've only been gone since last Friday."

The tears started to form in her eyes, “This is the furthest I have been from our sons. Robert started babbling.” She wrapped her arms around herself, “What if he says his first word and I won’t be there to witness it?”

Buster patted on her shoulder, “I don’t think that would be likely.” He added, “I’m sure Bobby won’t say a thing until he sees his ma again.” To his surprise, Natalie hugged him in gratitude. Buster hugged her back until she broke the embrace to dry her tears. He went to the phone saying, “I’ll order us breakfast.”

That noon Buster and Natalie had lunch with the folks that went with them in addition to the Governor of New York. Joe Keaton shared stories of performing shows as The Three Keatons, dealing with wife Myra’s absences due to maternity leave, getting in trouble with The Gerry Society, and the times they fled out of burning Buildings. The couple spent the day together except when Natalie went out to buy gifts for the boys while Buster was catching up with Lex and discussing the latest film project. When he returned to their suite the middle Talmadge was already there, rounding out the toys and the clothes. He was going to ask her how much she spent on them, but he didn’t want to start another argument. 

She was in a cheery mood, “Got that letter back from mother. The boys are doing fine, they missed me. Dutch came over to cheer them up. She took them to the park for fun.” 

Keaton hid his hands in his pockets, “Did that letter said anything about me? Did the boys miss me too?” 

Natalie pulled a toy giraffe out of the bag, “It didn’t say anything about you. She usually didn’t acknowledge you in letters. I’m sure the boys miss you too. I can't wait to see their faces when they see what I got them."

What she said of the boys missing their father, Buster knew it might not be true. He wished to be a father, but had little time to spend with them because he was so busy at work. His fear arises with the thought of Natalie divorcing him and taking the sons away. He had to win her over to keep the family together. He asked her, “Nate, do you remember Coney Island?”

Natalie frowned upon taking a trip to memory lane, while neatly folding the boy’s overalls, “Why yes, it wasn’t long after Arbuckle made a short there. You took me because you wanted to include me and I obliged. You got us cotton candy to share, we rode on the carousel, and that one coaster you were begging me to ride along.”

Buster added with a narrow smile, “You were so scared that I held your hand the entire time.” he apologized for taking her to the coaster in the first place.

She concluded, “Then we finished the day with the Ferris wheel where we saw the bright spectacle and you pecked me on that cabin. It was a nice date.”

He sat gingerly on the bed, “I would be happy to take you to coney island again, but back then nobody could recognize me when I’m not with my folks, and then Roscoe and now if anyone took notice of me, that whole place would crumble.” 

She looked at him, “If you weren’t able to take me, why bring this up?”

He took her hands, “We were both very happy. I missed the days when you were in love with me. The same woman who proposed to me from another coast. I know the old Natalie is still there when you hugged me this morning.”

She took her hands off him to cross her arms, “That was only because I missed our boys.”

He put his hands behind him, “I missed them too. I can’t imagine life without all of you. I will take back the times I was unfaithful to you.”

“Buster, I don’t care if you embrace another woman behind my back. Please don't entice me to be in bed with you again.” She pointed him out of the door, “Please let me be alone to change for dinner.” Natalie closed the door behind him after leaving her room.

Buster was puzzled about the unusual pairings in his life; his parents, Joe and Myra, Norma and Schenck, and Natalie and himself. None of them shared the same age group except for the latter. He wished that his wife wasn’t a strict catholic so she could be comfortable with taking contraceptives and not worry about getting pregnant again and he wouldn’t have to cheat on her. But that’s the way it has to be. If he failed to win back his beloved, there are still less than 3 weeks of vacation to go.

****************

The hopes of Gail being a screen actress were dashed when production was delayed after Sennett comedian Ben Turpin backed out of the upcoming project due to personal matters. Gail wanted to take his place, but was unable to due to a lack of a contract. Though Sennett knew she wanted prominent roles, he was unable to fill them because too many actresses sought her out. But instead, he had heard his former employee Charlie Chaplin just returned from filming in Truckee to film more scenes in his studio and is seeking extras. So he recommended she find work in Chaplin's upcoming film The Gold Rush, and Gail was fine with it just to gain film experience. 

There at the Charlie Chaplin Studio, Gail is in the dance hall scene where Chaplin’s Tramp character dances with his love interest. She was busy dancing with a partner to watch the toothbrush-mustached comedian, but caught the part where he was tied to a dog and it chases the cat. She could laugh at this gag, but didn’t want to ruin a good take. The chestnut-haired woman across the hall seemed familiar. Gail didn't think she’s a famous actress. It must be on a tip of her tongue. Then the realization struck her, that was the same woman who was next to her onset of the seven chances. Their time between scenes was too busy to get them to chat. When everyone gets their lunch break, she located the woman eating with the other female extras in the studio courtyard. 

Gail sat at the same table as them, “Hi you remember me?”

The woman paused figuring out, “Oh goodness, we were extras in seven chances. Sorry we didn’t get to be properly introduced.” The woman extended her hand,  “My name is Eliza Smith.”

“I’m Gail Anders.” She shook it in greeting, “It’s good to see you again and I never got to thank you for saving me from the ridicule.”

“Don’t mention it. We actresses had to stick together.” 

Gail and Eliza were talking while having meatloaf and salad. Their discussion consists of their start on careers, Gail’s experiences as a bathing beauty, Eliza’s acting resume, their celebrity encounters, and then the subject fell to celebrity crushes.

"For me, it's Charlie Chaplin of course. I have a crush on him since I was barely a woman. Hell, if I was a virgin, I'd have saved it for him. Are you a virgin, Gail?”

Gail almost choked on her food being asked that. She replied with a blush, “That’s a very personal question to ask.” 

“That’s alright if you don't have to answer.” She raised her eyebrow leaning towards the raven-haired woman. “But tell me this is Buster Keaton the cat’s meow?”, When Gail couldn’t understand, Eliza rephrased, “Do you have a crush on Keaton?”

Gail's eyes were looking both ways as she drank her cup of water to try to avoid the touchy subject, but Eliza noticed the signs. “Please It’s all in your face. Your gaze was fixated on the stone face as if he was the king of England.” She chuckled, “It helped when you “pretended to faint” in front of him.”

Giving in, Gail confessed of the time she started seeing Buster in the Arbuckle films. She thought he seemed charming and took interest in watching his films because of his fascinating past, then when she heard the news of his wedding, she was a bit let down, but was happy for him and then she talked about her two other encounters with Keaton. In conclusion, She asked, “Is it wrong to have a crush on a married man?”

Eliza dropped a bombshell,  “Chaplin wasn't married when we dated.” Gail’s eyes widen and her jaw dropped hearing this “Really?!”

Eliza with a coy smile, whispered to her to avoid having others hear her “I met Chaplin when I started working in California. I took a job here as a part-time receptionist, but when he noticed me, He then hired me as an extra for his previous film, The Pilgrim. After production ended, we started a relationship. Spent countless nights with him,” she then frowned when she continued, “Then we broke up when he was seeing another woman, and another and another and another. But he did come back to me only for one-night stands and one of them happened while he’s married. Last I heard, if it's true, he has feelings for his leading lady."

She covered her face with her hand, trying to comprehend what happened, "Why are men so unfaithful to their wives?"

“Gail,” Eliza explained, “Men and women in Hollywood have unhappy marriages and have taken lovers. If Buster is one of them, you might have a chance.”

Gail stated, “But I have a boyfriend, I think I still do. And besides, I can’t see myself dating a married man.” Adding a final thought, “I would rather wait until he’s divorced.”

"True, but then where is the fun?” Before they finished eating Eliza looked Gail right in the eye and said, “I would recommend keeping this a secret. God knows what would happen to dear Chaplin if word got out.”

Gail returned to Lenore’s around 6 in the evening. Going inside she was surprised to see a finely dressed man talking with Sally and Lenore at the dining table. Upon noticing Gail’s presence, Lenore called, appearing to break away from her niece’s latest paramour, “Welcome home! We saved you fried cauliflower and turkey.”

The man said in his British accent told Sally, “I didn’t know you have a sister.”

The blonde chuckled, “She isn’t, this is my friend Gail Anders. I took her in when she moved from Nevada.”

The man stood up and bowed in greeting, “Sterling Thomas, my pleasure.”

As they shook hands, Gail said, “That accent, you must be British.”

 “Yes, Edinburgh very nice place.” Sterling’s dark hair was slicked back.

Lenore brought over her meal, “Gail just came home from work and you should be leaving too, sir.” This prompted Sterling to grab his hat and approached to the front door despite Sally’s protests for him to stay a little longer

He replied, "We can meet again. I'm here quite a while." She kisses him before watching him leave.

As Gail started eating, silence went on between aunt and niece. She later broke it when asking Sally, “How did you two meet?”

“Both of us were in New York City. I went to a nightclub and he was there. Same story, different ending.” 

“How did you find each other?”

Lenore added while crossing her arms, “I presume one of your nightly outings?”

Sally glared at her, "Well Auntie, we met somewhere, and I never felt lucky to bump into him again."

“How is Mr. Thomas any different from your last boyfriends?”

“He happens to be rich.”  

The aunt gave her a sarcastic look, “Oh, so now you're a gold digger?”

Sally stood up fumed, “How is that any different from you and Uncle Stanley?”

Lenore stood up in retaliation, “Don’t you bring my Stanley-”

Gail also stood up to soothe this out, “Could you not fight? I had a long day.” Sally and Lenore agreed and the table fell into silence for the whole dinner.

After all that was going on around her, Gail would end the day by kindling herself to a good book. After losing interest in the middle of chapter four she switched to another book. It was a journal about her interest in Buster Keaton. She would write down about the movies she had seen and clipped off the news article featuring a movie review of his and just news about him. Gail turned to a page in which the subject was Our hospitality. A news article glued there featured a picture of Buster and Natalie both wearing pork pie hats for a publicity photo. It was interesting to see husband and wife on the screen together, but now it was bittersweet knowing that buster is probably cheating on his wife. If it was truly something that must be wrong between the two.

The next afternoon, Gail was making herself useful in the Sennett studio, modeling the swimsuits for the other bathing beauties. A crewmember notified her of a call from her residence. Gail answered the phone, the voice at the other end was Lenore.

“The telegram came from your mother.”

Gail has already known what was happening around her family; her sister Geraldine is having twins and her father is due to retire from ranch work. Judging from the woman’s sorrowful tone in her voice, it must be bad news.

 “It’s your grandmother, she died in her sleep.”

Devastated, She covered her mouth as her tears began to form and a similar lump grew in her throat. Her whole body shook with the realization that the woman who got her to California is gone.

Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin around 1918