#mutuals who I've talked about this with before y'all get me

[mairen-marionette]

test to see if the pictures are side-by-side, and also to like, have two unused tftsmp characters wo I talk about sometimes back on the dash again lol.

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 12

Word Count: 5.1K

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: I've done so horribly updating this story (and all the other ones) especially this year 🫣 but hope y'all enjoy

<- Previous

Christmas had come and gone, and winter was in full swing in Virginia. And before anyone could process the holiday, it was New Year’s Eve.  

The bullpen at the BAU had slowly emptied after midday as they had been given the rest of the afternoon off to get ready for the FBI’s New Year’s Eve Celebration. They had been prompted to wear their best—from tuxes to long dresses. There were sure to be various eyecatchers regardless of the winter cold.  

(Y/N) had been finishing up with a stack of reports when she noticed she was the last one in the office, at least in the bullpen. Two offices still had their lights on. One was her father, who had been waiting for her to finish her work to take her home. The other was the ever-overworking unit chief.  

“Hey, I’ve got the last reports here,” (Y/N) said after knocking softly on Hotchner’s door. “Finished some of the ones de next week, too.”  

“That wasn’t necessary,” he replied. “You keep doing all this paperwork, and the team will leave it all to you next time.”  

“I wouldn’t really mind,” she chuckled. “Paperwork is relaxing.”  

“Definitely don’t let them hear you say that,” he laughed as he stood from his chair and slipped his coat on. “Especially Morgan. He’d be more than happy to let you relax with his work.”  

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I think I’ve done over half of his reports since I’ve been here. But don’t tell him I told you that.”  

“Your secret is safe with me,” Hotch chuckled. “You heading out now?”  

The man had crossed the room as he talked, stopping less than a foot away from (Y/N). He towered over her, staring intently into her eyes. His gaze never broke from hers, trying to speak something in a language she did not understand.  

“Y-yeah,” she croaked. “Just had that to finish, but I’m all done now.”  

“You need a ride? I’m leaving now, but I can wait for you.” 

“Oh, uh, well…”  

“Hey, kid, you ready?” David’s voice startled them apart, reminding them that not only were they not alone, but they were also at work. “Oh, Aaron. Didn’t know you were still here.”  

“Yeah, just leaving now,” he said after clearing his throat. “I guess I’ll see you both tonight.”  

“Of course you will!” Rossi smiled brightly. “Although I will miss out on a perfectly good Ardbeg Corryvreckan—this year’s world’s best single malt in the World Whiskies Awards. I guess it will have to wait until the year is new.”  

“You know tonight is not mandatory,” (Y/N) chuckled as the three of them walked out of Hotch’s office and toward the elevator. “You could still stay home and enjoy that whiskey—as long as you save some for me.” 

“And miss out on a chance to wear a tux? Absolutely not,” her father said. “And I can never pass out on a night of free food and drink. What better way to ring in the new year?”  

“Right, I forget rich people love free things,” the girl teased. “Not like you could afford a thousand nights like this one.”  

“It’s not about affording, kid,” he grinned. “It’s about opportunity. How do you think rich people stay rich?”  

“Well, then,” Hotch chuckled softly as the elevator stopped on his floor, “I’ll see you both tonight.”  

Father and daughter waited in silence for the doors to close, watching as their unit choked retreated through the parking lot. “I’ve been thinking of setting him up with someone,” David broke the silence, knocking the air out of (Y/N)’s lungs. “My friend Letty has a daughter just a few years younger than him. Her job is nowhere as exciting as ours, but he could use someone to ground him.”   

She swallowed her jealousy, knowing her father was only looking out for his friend. She couldn’t let him know how bad of an idea that was without admitting her undisclosed feelings. Instead, she simply smiled and said, “Don’t know how open he’d be to dating just yet, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to try.”  

“That’s the spirit, kid,” he chuckled. “I think I will give her a call. And maybe I’ll see what's around for you, too.”  

(Y/N) didn't care to be set up with anyone, but it couldn't hurt to keep her options open. Whatever game she was playing with Hotch could not survive the long run. At some point, he would either reciprocate her feelings or break her heart. Either choice would complicate things between them, but only one was the outcome she wanted. But it wasn't like she could tell her father about that. She couldn't confess just how in love she was with his old friend and their boss. Not only was it highly unprofessional but it would definitely raise a lot of eyebrows, not to mention that it would throw a wrench right in the middle of their team.  

Much like she had done for years, she swallowed down her emotions and splattered on a bright smile for her father. It was a night of celebration--the coming of the new year. Instead of focusing on a love that might never come, she turned her attention to the festivities ahead. Like many years before, David had hired a stylist and a glam squad for her daughter, even if she had told him time and time again that she didn't really care for that. And just like every year before, he smiled and said, “Maybe this year will be different.” It never was, but it didn't hurt to say. 

By the time five o’clock rolled around, (Y/N) didn’t recognize herself. Even though she had gotten her hair and makeup done before, it always surprised her that a few curls and a splash of paint could transform her entire face—hell, even her attitude. She looked herself over at the mirror in the giant groom she had in her father's house, and she couldn't quite tell who was looking back at her.  

Dressed in a floor-length beaded dress, hair perfectly curled, and lips as red as blood is what her reflection wore. She looked elegant, perfectly primped, and polished, a stark contrast to the way she looked on an everyday basis. Granted, she couldn't hunt killers wearing a full-length gown without an enormous clothing budget—not that she couldn't do it, but she doubted the FBI would allow her to step out of uniform rules.  

“Well, look at you,” her father’s voice echoed through the room. “I think this might be your best dress yet.”  

“You say that because it’s mom’s dress,” (Y/N) muttered softly as she ran her hands softly against the beads. “It is beautiful, though.” 

“I say it because it’s true, my little bird,” David smiled, placing his hands on her exposed shoulders. “You look absolutely radiant. It was made for you, my darling.” 

“I wish she was here to see me in it,” she sighed. “Do you think she would have minded me wearing it?” 

“Oh, little bird, she would have been absolutely thrilled. She told me to keep all of her gowns to make sure you could wear them one day. You were her absolute pride and joy.”  

(Y/N) couldn’t quite imagine her mother in the same dress. She tried to visualize the way the fabric would hug her body, tried to imagine the way her hair would be styled, even how her makeup would have been done, but the image never came into focus. There was no definition to her edges, no clear distinction to who she was. All (Y/N) saw was herself.  

“You look so much like her, mia bella,” David cooed. “An angel in every sense of the word, my beautiful daughter.”  

“Stop, dad,” she grinned as her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red than the shade she wore. “You're making me blush.”  

“Can a father not tell the truth?” 

“Not right now,” (Y/N) smiled brightly, interlocking her arm with David's. “We don't wanna be late to the gala. Especially when I have the hottest date on my arm.”  

“I can't disagree there,” the man smirked. “I will most definitely outshine everyone tonight.”  

“Then, what are we waiting for? Let's head out already.” 

Dressed in a couple of hundred dollars more than they had arrived at the Rossi mansion, (Y/N) and David started their drive to the Washington, D.C. Four Seasons. The patriarch had hired a car service, knowing neither of them would be sober enough to drive home safely, and if anyone asked his daughter, the streets were safer without his road rage on the streets. Somehow, an older Italian man with short patience, a holiday, and crowded roads did not mix well.  

She was also grateful David was having a lively conversation with their driver rather than focusing on her well-manicured fidgeting fingers. (Y/N) wasn't sure what she was expecting at the venue. Hotchner would be there; there wasn't any way around that. But she didn't know what would happen once the night went on and the drinks were flowing.  

Things had seemed to shift between them in the past year. They had begun to spend more time together, growing closer on a personal and seemingly emotional level. Maybe she was reading into things, but (Y/N) thought there was something happening between her and her years-long more-than-a-crush. It could have been her deepest desires clouding her mind, of course. The mind could play unkind tricks, feeding a person's ego and aiding in their delusions. That could very well be what was happening to her, but she didn't think so. At least, she hoped it wasn't that.  

The entry to the hotel was already bustling by the time the Rossis arrived. Agents old and new dressed in their Sunday best crowded the entry of the Four Seasons, funneling into the building for their annual New Year's Gala. Men and women with their respective partners or dates for the night put aside hours of their night to bring in the new year with their units. Plus, good food and unlimited drinks were often a great incentive to pack the place.  

“Emily told me the BAU was given the Seasons room on the lower lobby level,” (Y/N) whispered to her father as they snaked their way into the crowd, smiling and nodding toward agents they might have known in passing. “People have been moving in and out of all the event spaces and mingling amongst each other. But that's where they're waiting.”  

“Let’s not keep them waiting then,” he smiled. “We all know the party doesn’t start until we arrive.” 

“Oh, god, dad,” she chuckled. “Please don’t say that when we see them.” 

“Why not? It’s not a lie.” 

“You forget the part where it is not funny,” the woman said. “ 

“You laughed.” 

“Because I don’t want my aging father to feel like he isn’t still funny,” (Y/N) teased. “Thought you’d appreciate the laugh.”   

“I might be getting older, but I am not yet old, little bird,” he said, the same beaming smile he always wore splattered across his face. “Can’t have you wasting your pity laughter so early on. Although, I do know that was real laughter—it better be.”   

“Whatever you say, dad. You’re the funniest man I know.”   

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around each of the Rossis, a hearty laugh filling their ears as they reached the group of their friends and teammates. “Were you two talking about me?” Derek grinned as he exchanged glances between the two. “Because there can’t be anyone funnier than me.”  

“Same suit from three years ago, Derek?” (Y/N) teased. “You’re losing your sense of style there, buddy. What happened to your ‘a suit a year brings new cheer’ saying?”   

“Well, I may look great in a different tux every year, but my pocket doesn’t love it,” he responded. “And, honestly, I didn’t think anyone would notice. Although, I should have known you or Reid would.”   

“Yeah, she’s the reason I rent my dresses now,” Emily added. “She remembered the dress I wore two years ago was the one I wore to an event in 2008, all because she remembered seeing a picture in my living room. There’s no sense in buying a new dress every year, but I’m definitely not showing up in one I’ve put on more than twice.”   

“I don’t do it to embarrass you, guys. I just can’t help it when the thought pops into my head. Sometimes, I just have to say it, or else my mind will go crazy.”   

“Exactly!” Spencer exclaimed. “It’s not our fault our brains work this way.”  

“Guys, it doesn’t matter who’s wearing what,” David interjected with a smile. “All that matters is that in a few hours, the new year will come, and this whole year will be forgotten.”  

“Actually...”  

“If I have to listen to the story of New Year’s again,” the man interrupted Spencer, rubbing his temple, “I’m gonna need a stiff drink.”   

“I’ll go get it,” (Y/N) offered. “Anyone else need a refill?”   

A chuckle escaped the woman’s mouth as various hands shot up, all but the one she had been in search of since the moment she had arrived. The whole team sat around their designated table, all chattering and smiles, except their trusted unit chief. With a gentle sigh, she walked over to the crowded bar, trying her best to catch the bartender’s attention through the couple of heads ahead of her. To no avail.  

Everyone else was louder, taller, more assertive while she stood in the background trying to break through. The second she tried to speak up, someone else talked over her. She believed she would stand there the rest of the night just to get a couple of drinks.  

“I’m sorry,” a voice interjected. “But I believe she was next in line to order.”   

Behind her, Hotchner towered over her stature, staring down the man who had cut her off just as she had managed to reach the front of the bar. He placed a protective hand on the low of her back, his eyes stuck on the man beside them. His gaze remained stoic until the agent felt embarrassed enough to move to the other side of the bar where the other bartender was, excusing himself with a quiet ‘sorry’ and his head hanging low.  

“Go ahead, (Y/N),” Hotch smiled. “You can order now.”  

The woman couldn’t help the way her heart hammered in her chest as his hand sent waves of warmth through her body. (Y/N) tried to keep her words steady, thankful for the makeup on her face that covered the blood pooling on her cheeks as her body shook with nerves. Hotch remained in the same position as she ordered drinks for the group, adding a whiskey on the rocks at the end for himself. Maybe he hadn’t paid the move any mind, but she could not stop focusing on it until both their hands were occupied with a few glasses each.  

“Thanks for that,” (Y/N) managed to croak out as they walked back to the team. “I thought I was going to be stuck there all night.”   

“I’m sure you would have been able to handle yourself fine,” he said. “But a little help never hurt anybody.”  

“And it's very much appreciated,” she smiled. “Is Jack with Jessica tonight?”  

“Yeah. We had our own New Year's celebration before I left,” he chuckled as he remembered what had occurred only an hour before. “He asked me why there were no fireworks outside, and we had to watch them on TV. I told him fireworks weren't a thing this year, but I'm not sure he believed me.”  

“I don't think he did. That boy really loves the lights,” (Y/N) laughed. “But there's always Fourth of July for fireworks.” 

“I just hope he doesn't keep his aunt up to see if it's true.”  

Once they reached the table, the woman realized they were not the only two people in the world. For a minute, everything around them had vanished. It was just her in her mother's champagne beaded gown and Hotchner in a stunning black tux. For that minute, she could imagine there was something more between them than she thought there was.  

For the next couple of hours, while they sat at the table and dinner was served, the only thing she could think of was Hotch's hand on her back. She remembered in vivid detail the way his fingers stretched and flexed against her exposed skin, his warmth sinking into her with a comforting and intoxicating touch. (Y/N) tried her best not to let it show just how much that simple move had affected her, but she could feel her eyes drifting toward him every couple of minutes.  

What she didn't know was just how much it had stuck to Hotch's mind as well. That minute of having his hand flush against her back had made his heart skip a beat. His breath had hitched in his throat as he felt the softness of her skin against his. If it had been up to him, he would have kept it there the rest of the night. But the imminent threat of an overbearing man had been long gone, and he couldn't justify keeping the protective hold on her, especially with a couple of drinks occupying his hands. At the table, his eyes would drift to her when she wasn't looking. He couldn't help looking at her whenever she laughed or talked. Her magnetism was unavoidable, and he was susceptible to it.  

Throughout the entirety of the dinner, and the few drinks that had come and gone from the table, Hotchner could only think of a way to get her alone. For what? He wasn't really sure. All he knew was he wanted as much time with her as he possibly could have. The rest, he had yet to plan for that.  

As the night went on, the chances grew slimmer and slimmer. There had been awards and speeches, various presentations and slideshows shown, and midnight was quickly approaching. The formalities of the night had come and gone, and the fun had begun. The lights had gone down, music had been turned up, and people had left their tables to fill the dance floor and wait until the clock struck twelve.  

In the commotion, Hotchner had lost (Y/N). One second, he'd been drinking in the image of her dressed in gold, and the next, she had disappeared in a sea of FBI agents. His eyes scoured the crowd, his mind focused on only one person. And when they finally fell on her, rage bubbled from deep inside him. Back at the bar, (Y/N) had taken a seat. She was nursing a drink while the same guy from the start of the night seemed to be pestering her. Hotch could read her body language from a mile away, and she needed a way out.  

“Come on,” the man insisted. “Just tell me if you’re here as a guest or you’re an agent. It’s a simple question.” 

“I don’t feel comfortable giving out that kind of information to someone I don’t know.” 

“My name’s Pete, how about that?” he said, slurring his words. “Now you know who I am.” 

“Just because I know a name doesn’t mean I know you, Pete,” (Y/N) stated as she swirled her drink around. She had come to the bar to escape the heat that had overtaken her being so close to Hotch. But instead of solace, she had found an even bigger hindrance than body heat. “Now, I’d like to enjoy my drink alone.” 

“Definitely an agent. Wouldn’t be this closed off if you weren’t,” the man muttered, seemingly trying to do it under his breath but failing. “No one should be alone on a holiday, miss. And as bad of a start as we had, I make great company.” 

“As much as I would love to find out if that’s true, I’m sure your own date would appreciate your company. Me? I’d rather down this old-fashioned in peace.” 

“Come on. At least tell me your name.” 

“Can’t do that, Pete,” she said. “Best you go back to who you came with.” 

“Oh, Alyssa doesn’t mind,” he chuckled awkwardly. “She knows I need room to breathe. And you look like a breath of fresh air.”  

“I’m more of a deadly gas, but thank you,” (Y/N) smiled sarcastically. “Now, like I said, I want to drink alone.”   

“Come on, baby, you shouldn’t be alone tonight,” Pete pressed on. “Who else will you kiss at midnight?”  

“It’s not gonna be you, man.” Hotch appeared seemingly out of nowhere for the second time that night. At least, that’s how it appeared to her. She had not witnessed the intense focus the man had held on to her for the past few hours and how long he had spent looking for her. “I believe she has told you already to leave her be.”   

“Look, man, this has nothing to do with you,” Pete argued as he squared up to Hotchner, trying his best to match up to the man’s height. “We’re just talking here. Why don’t you get lost already?”  

“I don’t think that’s what the lady here wants,” Hotch said sternly. “Now, your date might be okay with you venturing out, but I’m not. And as her date, I would heavily advise you to take two steps back and keep walking, Pete.”  

The unit chief pronounced every syllable of the man’s name, his tone even but menacing. His eyes burned red with anger, and he had taken the empty space on her left side permanently. Just like he had done at the beginning of the night, Hotch held his gaze firmly on Pete. And it didn’t waver until the man finally cowered and left, a deep red hue painted across his face.  

“My hero,” (Y/N) chuckled once Pete was finally far away. “Second time in a few hours, too. You just seem to be there when I need you.”   

“What are friends for?” he smiled, his eyes softening as they fell on her. “Are you okay? Did he do anything?”  

“I’m fine,” she said. “You arrived just in time, twice, and apparently as my date tonight.”  

“I’m sorry. Was that too much?”  

“It was perfect,” (Y/N) grinned, feeling emboldened enough to place her hand on his. “Although you know that means you owe me a kiss at midnight, right?”   

“Well, it’s not like that would be torture.” The words took them both aback. In part because Hotch had said it and in part because it had not seemed like a joke. “You know, it’s almost 12.”  

“Right. Just a few minutes until the New Year.”  

“Why don’t we, uh, head somewhere a bit more quiet?”  

“We can go up to the courtyard,” she offered. “The office separated the space, but there wasn’t really anyone there because of the cold.”  

Hotchner held out his hand for her, helping her off the bar stool and leading her toward the only place everyone seemed to be avoiding. Just as she had said, only a floor up, the courtyard was empty, save for a few employees taking a quick smoke break, but a few space heaters had been scattered around the area—not that it helped in the cold of the middle of winter, but it made things a bit more bearable. Before closing the door behind them, he grabbed two champagne flutes and closed them away from the rest of the world.  

“I didn’t notice how loud it was in there until now,” (Y/N) pointed out. “I’m glad we’re out here.”  

“Well, I couldn’t let you be anywhere near Mr. Pete. Now, could I?”  

“I’m sure Pete will remember you for the rest of the year,” she laughed. “And I don’t think he and Alyssa will be attending next year—at least not together.”  

“I think he got enough air,” Hotchner joined in her laughter. “We’ll see just how much he gets when Alyssa catches wind of what he's been up to.”  

A comfortable silence fell between them as commotion started inside the event hall. Everyone shuffled around inside to gather at the front of any screen that was playing the countdown. There was only a minute left on the clock, and it would officially be a new year. It was a chance for renewal, a chance for new beginnings, a chance for love, or maybe something more. The new year brought the semblance of choices, the hope that somehow something worthwhile would come to your life despite all the pain and heartache the past may have brought. It brought the chance of solidifying maybes.  

“It's almost midnight,” Hotch whispered as he draped his suit jacket across her shoulders. (Y/N) hadn't noticed her body had started to shake until she felt the warmth of his body seep through her skin, melting away any ounce of cold that had been embedded in her bones. “Do you have your resolutions for the new year?” 

“Something like that,” she smiled up at him, getting as close as she could without scaring him off. “Other rituals haven't seemed to work for me, so maybe some simple wishing will do the trick this time.” 

Hotch didn't back down from her approach. Instead, he took a step closer. “And what will those wishes be?”  

“If I tell you, they won't come true,” she said, finally closing the distance between them. Her chest was pressed against his, her eyes fluttering up to his as a smile stretched across her crimson lips. “Are you willing to risk yours?” 

“Not so sure,” he whispered. “I'm kind of hoping they come true, and we're far too close to midnight to take chances. Only twenty seconds to go.”  

“We don't have to do this, Hotch,” (Y/N) stated, feeling nerves bubbling deep in her chest. “It was just a silly joke.”  

“I don't mind,” Hotchner said. “At the end of the day, it's just a kiss.”   

But it wasn't. Not to either of them. Even if the other didn't know, that kiss meant more to them than they would ever want to admit. It would be the ellipsis to the question they had been too scared to ask, the cementing of the feelings they had harbored for years but were too terrified to admit, the beginning of a whirlwind of doubts they would carry in their hearts. Maybe it was a dumb decision. Maybe they should have walked away at that moment. 

But when the crowd inside the hotel yelled out the last five seconds, their hearts were beating as one—fast and loud, thrilling anticipation coursing through their veins. That was it. The new year. Only one second away.  

“On...” The words died in (Y/N)'s mouth as Hotch crashed his lips to her. One of his hands circled her waist, while the other cradled her cheek as he pulled her to her like she belonged to him—not that he knew that she always had. He savored her taste and reveled in her warmth, thanking whatever being was out there for allowing him that fleeting moment with her. The kiss was sudden and desperate. Hotchner believed it would be the first and the last, and he planned to take advantage of every second she allowed.  

As soon as their lips had touched, fireworks erupted in the sky. They perfectly embodied the moment, creating a visual of what was going on in their insides at that very second. It was now the new year, and they were both spending it with the one person that had clouded their mind the entirety of the past year. Even if they thought the kiss meant nothing to the other person, it meant the world to them.  

“Happy New Year, (Y/N),” Hotchner said as he was forced to break the kiss for air. His arms were still circled around her waist, keeping her close for as long as she let him.  

“Happy New Year, Aaron,” she smiled brightly before noticing his lips. “You have red lipstick on you.” 

“Oh, god.” 

He went to wipe it, but all he did was smear it around. “Here,” she said as she reached her thumb to his lip. “Let me.” 

Their eyes locked on the other, an inkling of something unspoken shining in them. So many feelings and confessions lingered between the two, waiting anxiously for the moment they were able to break free. They trembled under the surface, pushing against their lies and their silence. All they wanted was to be revealed.  

But that would not be the moment.  

“There you guys are,” David’s voice startled them apart. His back was turned to them as he motioned to the team from behind the door, shielding their closeness from them until they were a safe distance apart. “Wow, what a view you guys got here.” 

“Uh, yeah,” (Y/N) said. “Hotch wanted to record the fireworks for Jack since he couldn’t see them.”  

“You guys should have told us you were here,” Penelope exclaimed. “It’s gorgeous! Look at those lights!” 

“Yeah, we just sort of ended up here,” Hotch interjected. “Thought I would get a better view of the fireworks from here than the patio downstairs.”  

“Well, you were right, friend,” David said as he clapped Hotchner’s back. “Perfect place to say goodbye to the old year.” 

“It really is,” he said, fighting the urge to let his eyes drift toward (Y/N). “Happy New Year, David.” 

As everyone hugged and wished each other a happy new year, Hotch and (Y/N) remained next to each other, their arms by their sides. Each of them felt the overwhelming urge to reach their hands toward the other, their need for closeness itching deep in their veins. But there, in front of their team and her father, they could not give in. Especially while they each thought the other did not feel the same.  

By the time they had finished saying their well wishes, a flurry of stark white snowflakes had begun descending from the sky.  

“It’s snowing,” (Y/N) smiled, looking at the sky alongside the rest of the team. “It’s so beautiful.” 

“Yeah,” Hotch said, taking advantage of the team’s distraction to stare directly at the woman beside him. “It is.”  

Winter was never kind, but that one seemed to be a chilly one. At that time, as she hugged Hotch’s jacket tighter to her body, (Y/N) didn’t think it to be a premonition of the year that awaited them. All she could think of was the kiss that she had just shared with Hotch, not knowing he was thinking of the same thing.  

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[ominous-faechild]

✦ MY WRITEBLR INTRODUCTION ✦

Hey! I've been here for a while and I've somehow amassed a shocking amount of followers and mutuals, so I figured it's finally time for me to force one of these out for you guys!

(And you know... a masterpost... when I get around to it. 😅😭)

About me:

✦ Barlowe (she/her)

✦ In my early 20s

✦ A writer of 10 years ✦ working on novels for 6 of 10!

✦ Less dedicated to—but still interested in!—drawing, animation, photography, and cinematography

✦ AuDHD and a grey lesbian (aka I'm leaning asexual) ✦ (my writing may or may not be a special interest)

✦ I have a whole bunch of other neurodivergencies besides AuDHD but I don't think y'all want me to get into all of them, haha. ✦ oh, and I say "haha" a lot. I apologize in advance.

✦ I think I'm hilarious and make jokes constantly

✦ I use a lot of emojis and tone tags to help convey tone. Please forgive me if it's annoying, it's to cope with my inability to communicate. /lh /hj

Masterlists:

✦ General ✦ Worldbuilding ✦ Sun and Shadow ✦ The Arcane Rifts ✦ Rising From the Ashes

(will be added eventually)

My Obsessions:

✦ Fantasy, horror, mystery, action, and exploration of realistic characters' reactions to the things they go through.

✦ Fairy tales, mythology, and folklore

✦ "Ye Olde History" and language

✦ DIVERSITY!!!

✦ Explorations of "evil-coded" characters and abilities--aka, not just showing them as evil. Show them as people (for characters) and tools (for abilities)!

✦ Traumatizing my characters just like I've been

✦ Traumatizing my characters in ways I haven't been!

✦ Learning!!!

✦ Talking way too much about the things I like to the point that I need to make a whole separate post to share it so it doesn't clutter my intro post... oh, hey, why is this linked?

✦ THE AESTHETIC!!!!

My Aesthetics:

Those who've been following me for a bit probably know that I adore "the aesthetic" and try to make my posts look nice... even if there's no real reason to besides that it gives me a little serotonin. Here's my favorite aesthetics!

✦ Starry; night sky ✦ Dawn / dusk ✦ Sunrise / sunset

✦ Nature! ✦ Forestry ✦ Cottagecore ✦ Rustic ✦ Ocean

✦ Literally all of them, please and thank you

My Writing:

✎ Sun and Shadow

Everything goes wrong for Freya Ula when she leaves her simple life as a fisherwoman to get engaged overseas. Her ship gets wrecked, she finds out her dad's been hiding secrets from her for her whole life, and, oh, she gets framed for a terrorist attack. Wait, WHAT!? After the city's greatest detective is attacked and disappears before she could consult with him, Frey has to enlist the help of his kid and her would-be fiancée to find out who framed her and clear her name. If only Crow was half as good a detective their dad was supposed to be.

Main characters: Freya, Crow, Daleira

✦ Urban-esque high fantasy ✦ purposely very tropey in places ✦ however, as always, I love throwing in curveballs. Wonder what's played straight and what I'm going to emotionally destroy you with. Definitely won't be Crow.

✦ Slow-burn romance between Frey and Crow ✦ immediate interest between Frey / Daleira ✦ oh, look, it's a love triangle? ✦ JOKE'S ON YOU, IT'LL ACTUALLY BE POLY ✦ it's just... going to take a while.

✦ Lesbians, lesbians everywhere ✦ though Crow is actually genderfluid and uses they/them for the first book ✦ despite barely having anything written I've already plotted a bit of book 2 ✦ I desperately need help.

✦ Unsurprisingly is a detective mystery with action mixed in ✦ I'm not typically a romance writer, I excel in action fantasy ✦ please have mercy on my soul

✦ Lots of magic, it's high fantasy + victorian aesthetic ✦ (aka "gaslamp fantasy" if you've heard of it) ✦ Frey's got sun-themed magic ✦ gasp, I know ✦ Crow's got shadow magic ✦ wonder why this sounds familiar ✦ Daleira's got, hm, well it's also shadowy! ✦ spoilers 😘

✦ About to be updated en-masse for a writing contest!!!

✎ The Arcane Rifts

Ghosts of past tragedies haunt the town of Kavo after decades of neglect. Fantastical creatures desiring nothing but fear and destruction hide in invisible tears in reality. Gangs and the police are at constant war with one another, there's a shapeshifting monster running amok, and the mayor's assistant suddenly wants a disabled orphan kicked to the streets. A year ago, Gene was discovered in the forest on the outskirts of town, half dead, amnesiac, and unable to even speak the local language. As he had nowhere to go, he was brought to the orphanage of Kavo for a place to stay. Now Caspar, the assistant of the mayor and the man who funds the orphanage, wants him kicked out. When Gene's left to the cold, cruel streets of Kavo on his own, he has to navigate through a town ravaged by decades of neglect and intrigue. Has the corruption truly been purged from the government? Why are godly forces active in Kavo, a small town in a backwater country? And most importantly--will Gene survive?

Main Characters: Gene, Tazin, Mislav, Ludmila, Rada ❧ Gene and Tazin for book 1 ❧ the other 3 start being MCs books 2 and 3 ❧ I guess Nikolai is also a MC tho

❧ Industrial-era rustic high fantasy ❧ mixes fantasy, action, horror, and mystery! ❧ oh helloooooo "ominous feychild" origin? ❧ very strong folkloric and traditional fantasy inspo ❧ except I mean "traditional fantasy" as in ❧ "we don't understand this magic stuff but we're used to it" ❧ not "travel the world adventures!"

❧ VERY involved story with strong themes of discrimination, poverty, exploitation, trauma, and the recovery from trauma ❧ each main and secondary character is one flavor of discriminated against or another in-universe ❧ obviously I try to write it respectfully, but you can't really write bigots being bigots "respectfully"

❧ Has two "main plots" going on simultaneously; technically three ❧ I periodically give the reader updated "character guides" ❧ like they get more recent plot info added kinda like a red-string board to keep you, the audience, up-to-date with info you might've otherwise missed ❧ I think it's really cool and people seem to enjoy it ❧ I know it seems like a lot but please give it a chance

❧ I've literally plotted out pretty much the entirety of the first and second books, and know most of how book 3 will go, yet there's very little out for the current version of the story ❧ part of that is because I'm paused on the 3rd draft

❧ There's lots of timeskips throughout the first two books, but they're mostly to age up the protagonists! Gene, the MC, starts the series at 7. I promise it's not a kid's story though.

❧ The "secondary MC", Nikolai, is the police chief investigating magical stuff going on at the same time. They tie in with the main story involving Gene, though won't appear to for a long while.

❧ The "golden child" series I love more than SaS; however it's on hiatus because I promised people to work on SaS first and SaS is more popular as a romance-focused story. :/ ❧ I would never be salty about that.

Taglist:

For everything: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @rae-butter

For Worldbuilding: @paeliae-occasionally @pluppsauthor @thelovelymachinery

For the Existentials: N/A

For the Avatars: @thelovelymachinery

For Sun and Shadow: @mysticstarlightduck @paeliae-occasionally

For the Arcane Rifts: @paeliae-occasionally

For Rising From the Ashes: N/A

For the Storm Avatars: N/A

For the Order Avatars: @thelovelymachinery

For the Magic Avatars: N/A

For the Fire Avatars: N/A

For the Water Avatars: N/A

To be tagged in tag games: @honeybewrites @aalinaaaaaa

Ask and ye shall be added

Divider by @cafekitsune

[terry-perry]

Minding One's Business

Pairing: Alastor x Carmine!Reader

Previous Part: HERE

Tags: @mysterypotatoink @martinys-world @lokis-imaginary-friend @lonelysimp18 @readergirlstuff @amyking300 @for-hearthand-home @wonderlandfandomkingdom @purple-umbrella-girl @saccharine-nectarine @monomas-girl @ohmylovewhereartthou-blog @junieshohoho @yourmom132 @thebreadisthetruevillian @diffidentphantom @4lastrolynii @yui-onnero

A/N: I finally created the next chapter of my AU! Hope you guys like it and that it was worth the wait! Keep sending requests and if you send something related to Alastor and Carmine!Reader, it might be part of the main storyline! Also, if you wish to be part of the tag list, let me know in the comments.

The shadowy figure that moved with Alastor as he traveled around popped up by the hotel entrance, catching everyone off-guard since it appeared so abruptly to fly upstairs, without acknowledging anyone. Charlie came in seconds later, watching the figure scatter off with a sad and somewhat disappointed look.

"Oh, Alastor..." she sighed, keeping her forlorn look on while peering down to the floor.

"What's going on?" Vaggie approached her girlfriend, gently lifting her chin so they could look at each other. Charlie was so excited that day when Alastor came to her, asking for help on his radio show so he could perform a grand gesture to get Y/N back. Who better to have help with an act of love than Princess Morningstar herself? So to hear something more happened between Alastor and Y/N than what he let on must've really thrown her off. "Did Y/N seriously call the station?"

"Yeah," Charlie said, giving her attention to everyone there as she explained. "Apparently Alastor was using her to get inside her family's business. He used her as a link to their wealth and weapons. Not only that, but he also talked about it with Carmilla, so she had a part in all this."

"Ouch," Angel uttered, appearing empathetic momentarily before casually shrugging his shoulders. "Well, what do you expect from a guy like Alastor? He ain't exactly the lovey-dovey type."

One would think someone would argue against Angel's statement, but there seemed to be a mutual agreement among the group.

"Yeah," Vaggie said, an arm around Charlie. "I hate to say it since I like Y/N, but she should've known what she was getting into with a demon like him. No doubt he's only trying hard to win her back to keep his connection to the Carmines intact."

Charlie sighed heavily again. "I love Alastor, but I can't say I'm all that surprised," she put her head on Vaggie's shoulder, who softly smiled down at her and stroked her hair. "I did think they were cute together, but I should've known there was something more to it. Her mom though? I find that harder to believe."

"That's such bullshit!"

Everyone turned to the bar where Husk was at his usual spot cleaning glasses. Like always, he was the silent observer who kept his opinions to himself until their words seemed to call for his voice.

"Look, I'm probably the last guy who'd wanna defend that asshole, but I've known him longer than any of y'all," he carried on, losing his grumpy disposition as he observed the glass in his hand. "I know what a two-faced bastard he can be, but ain't no way he could fake whatever he had going on with her."

The group gaped at the bartender, not knowing what to make of his words. It was one thing for him to defend his boss -- the guy who owns his soul -- but for him to imply Alastor was capable of having pure emotions was just crazy.

"You really think so?" Vaggie was the one to voice this uncertainty. She'd most likely be the second to last person to want to jump to his defense.

Husk shrugged before he continued. "All I know, from seeing how he operates, is that I didn't see him pull any of his usual tricks on Y/N when he'd force me to serve them drinks."

He paused again to look down at a new glass he had and hum thoughtfully. Perhaps he was thinking about times he'd watch the pair who forgot about him the more drinks they shared and how it'd fuel the intimate conversations they'd have with each passing hour. As Husk would watch Alastor fidget in his seat when they would move their talks to the parlor and the Radio Demon would do his best to refrain from having a rush of emotions when Y/N would stroke his ears, or how Alastor's hand would take hold of Y/N's to lead her to the middle of the room for a private sway that would make Husk realize his services were no longer needed for that night, he realized this wasn't any other deal in the making.

"Maybe it did start out as him trying to make a deal with her or invest in another business," he stated. "I wouldn't put it past him if that were the case. But in the end, it was something else for sure."

Everyone was so taken aback by Husk's honesty. The usual man of few words spewing out this observation was definitely something to reflect on, especially when he ended it with something to chew on:

"And let me ask you this: when's the last time you've seen him try so hard to keep someone around?"

All of it was enough for someone else to investigate further the following day...

"What is it?" Alastor asked Vaggie with a smile that leaned more on the snarling side. "You know I don't wish to be disturbed during meals."

Vaggie peered over his shoulder and attempted to hide her shock at the deer carcass on the ground. Alastor eating wildlife wasn't new, but he normally handled his food better - almost like a savory dish. As disgusting as his meal choices are, Alastor handles them, like everything else, with style and grace since he surprisingly values good manners. So to see the aftermath of what was clearly a vicious attack made Vaggie think maybe Husk had a point.

"Listen, I heard about everything that happened," she started. "Not just last night, but all that happened between you and Y/N."

Alastor tightened his jaw and twitched his eye. "Then you must know I'm in no mood to be mocked. Please leave." He turned his back to her, using a tentacle to shut the door as he returned to his doe. "Although I will say I respect you trying to kick me while I'm down. Never thought you'd be the sort."

"Look, that's not why I'm here," Vaggie claimed, stopping the door from closing with her hand and barging into his room. "Even though if it was the other way around you'd be throwing cruel, mocking jokes my way every five minutes."

Alastor had stopped in front of the doe and gave a small laugh. His back was still to Vaggie but he showed no signs of kicking her out so she continued. "I thought you might want someone to talk to. Maybe someone who knows what it's like to keep a big secret from the person they care about the most. Don't get me wrong, what you did was absolutely sleazy, but I shouldn't judge you completely when I've been in the same boat."

She wasn't sure how to feel about his remaining still as she went on, but she decided to take this as a sign he was invested in what she had to say while staying alert. "I'm basing what I'm about to say on my own experience and what I've seen these last several days. Your intentions might've started off as selfish, but after falling for Y/N the way you did, you probably thought it was better not to tell her the whole truth since it would ruin what you ended up having: someone you can't risk losing. Maybe you realized this and why you're desperate to get her back and letting out your frustrations in...certain ways."

She glanced back at the doe and scowled in disgust. "Because if you go full 'Radio Demon' on someone, it might ruin any chance you could still have."

He continued to stay quiet, which began to frustrate her. "Or maybe you were telling the truth the first time you told us about the breakup and you're bummed about losing a good distraction. In any case, you should seriously think about what you want with Y/N. As nice as the gifts and songs are, this isn't something you can gloss over."

One more pause ensued which Vaggie found rather awkward after she said all that and he still didn't move or say anything. She sighed and walked to the door, hoping her words did something.

"Thank you, my dear," Alastor muttered from his spot.

She hummed in acknowledgment, a ghost of a smile on her face when he finally spoke. She exited the room, leaving him to reflect again, with her words in mind and his eyes glued to the tree that caught his eyes earlier. It came back in sight when she went on about love and honesty. The carved heart surrounding his and Y/N's initials previously mocked him, but now illustrated what he was forced to come to terms with. It was the very thing he was in denial about but he couldn't find any other rational explanation for what was happening with him.

He was in love with Y/N.

[nthspecialll]

I love Mary, it’s just weird that some people won’t let us discuss her actions like we do with the men.

“Y'all fall to your knees when your uwu baby sons commit literal murder, but the VERY SECOND a woman does something that is not 100% morally correct you'll go "oh she's a morally gray character... I don't hate her but I wish the people who love her will see what a complex and nuanced character she is..." AS IF the people who love her cannot see the fact that the women have their faults. As if people cannot love women DESPITE their faults!!!!”

— Most people who are discussing Mary as of recently haven’t complained about people who love her nor act like people cant ‘love women despite their faults’ and a lot of the time people are defending. And it’s ehhh a bit weird to assume that someone doesn’t love her or are taking Arthur’s side because they simply point out her flaws as a way of discussing characters the way fandoms do.

“It's one thing to be neutral about a female character, it's another thing to go "I don't hate her...but he deserves better". I've heard this sentence from IRL boy moms countless times. People will be like "they both have their faults..." and then side with the men unconditionally, which is honestly hilarious to me.”

— It’s not about Arthur deserving better than Mary because Mary is ‘bad’ or something, it’s about them both deserving happiness, which is what people often preach. I haven’t discussed Mary openly because even though she’s literally my favorite character and I love their disfunctional relationship, and I can relate because I have even been in Mary’s shoes before. It’s weird to jump to the conclusion that someone is defending or taking Arthur’s side when it isn’t even really about him, it just seems like projection.

“(And then, if a female character has no visible vices, she is usually seen as boring and flat and tossed aside in fandom discussions. But that's another story.)”

— This is just hypocritical because whenever someone discusses Mary openly, they get hate and snide remarks. If you want fandom discussions then you should not be all snarky when it happens. You don’t have to agree and ofc you can make some post talking about how you feel different, but having some of my mutuals recieve hate for just talking about Mary for one second, even if they had been defending her, they get sent hate. People from all sides should be allowed to discussing a character without having their opinion tossed aside as stupid because some people can’t understand that you can love a character and talk about their flaws, which in many cases, people love.

Firstly, why is this in my asks? This isn't about my post, this is werewolfarthurmorganenjoyers's post you are quoting. I didn't even know there was beef before this.

But either way, they still did not send hate to anyone:

Yes they made a post about a specific comment under some post your moot apparently made, but they haven't sent hate to anyone.

Also, just a tip, DM's is the best place to solve these kinda things. Not because 'ohhh I don't want people to see' but because it is easier to talk through there rather than asks.

[starryeyedstray]

it's almost 2025 and i'm gonna be sappy and tagging a bunch of my moots who i dearly appreciate so feel free to ignore my ramblings ehehehe. just wanted to share some thanks and appreciation to them so if you wanna read that see below:

my first post on this blog was made september 17th, 2024. that was not even 4 months ago!!! and it's crazy to think how much my life has changed. i've never actively participated in a fandom consistently before and i hadn't drawn in 6 years but now i'm drawing almost everyday and i have a bunch of mutuals/friends that i absolutely adore and love <3333 just wanted to take some time to send thanks to all these wonderful people who've made my time here in dbh so wonderful.

firstly, throwing love at my artist moots that i absolutely adore. i love how we scream calmly talk to each other through the reblog tags. we may not always interact directly but we are for sure having compliment fights in our reblogs: @mercilessflowchart @artsideblogofsorts @faxaway @elle-prix @they-call-me-youngermoney @geekazoidfreak @sorryiliketoscreenshot @feltsticker (also i hope you know that i may not always respond to the tags but i am 10000% reading them and kicking my feet and giggling every time one of you leave your wonderful tags on my posts <3333 )

giving lots of gratitude to my fellow rk1k enjoyers <3333 so glad we are all in a community together and just get to gush and talk about rk1k. i love reading your thoughtful headcanons and incredible stories and all the amazing art!!!! i can't wait to continue obsessing over our silly robot boys together: @einradi @autiacora @lilaccadenza @my-name-is-markus-with-a-k @artusmarkus @clemclamdoodles

showing so much appreciation towards all the lovely friends i made through dbh discord servers. y'all truly made me feel welcomed when i first joined and i love all the time we spend lifting each other up and being goofy in voice chat. i don't have everyone's tumblr handle but wanted to thank y'all who are on here at the very least: @island-of-misfit-deviants @glxyqst @littlehaize @quilthegreat @cptjh-arts @mercilessflowchart (yes i tagged you twice catmilla)

lastly but certainly not leastly, special shoutout to @kissoflightning !!! i think you were my very first dbh mutual and i don't know if i would have stuck around the dbh fandom for so long if you weren't there to talk with and share art with in the very beginning. i know sometimes we get busy and don't keep up as much as we used to but just wanted to let you know i really appreciate you and glad we still keep in touch from time to time <333

ahhhh it's kinda incredible how many wonderful people i've met in such a short time thanks to dbh!!! makes me wanna cry bc i suck at making friends irl so i am so incredibly grateful to every single of one of you for making me feel so at home here. i know we all experienced ups and downs this year, but i hope 2025 will be a good year for all of us. looking forward to spending more time together here in our little dbh bubble!!!

happy new year everyone!!!!! <3333

btw, if you're a moot i didn't tag or an oomf that's been lurking and liking, just want to say i appreciate y'all too!!!!! if you've every left a reply or a reblog tag or even a like on one of my posts, just know i am very grateful for it <3333

[maddiem4]

Well, I wanna be working on a novel right now, but apparently it's time to make a certain kind of post again, as is periodically necessary, because young queer folk keep trying to reinvent the Hayes Code for a variety of misguided reasons. So you know what? Let me lead with the TLDR, and then give my reasoning. If you DNI stuff like incest, I am not just going to unfollow you, I am going to block you.

Now, if you're the type to make assumptions, you might be surprised to hear that I'm not into incest. Sorry to disappoint. Well, unless you count selfcest, but people don't usually lump those together except by technicality. But incest is really not my thing.

That said, I have mutuals who are into it, and harmless about it. Whether it's fictional, RP, or consensual, it's not my business and it hurts nobody. Get used to those words, they're gonna be a mantra here. Further, I've seen how Hayes Queers (hey, I needed a term for them) talk about harmless members of their own community who give them The Ick. The post I'm writing here is a direct reaction to seeing a Hayes Queer post from someone I followed! Reading that, and the comments on it. And lemme tell you: y'all are very quick to throw your peers under the bus with the exact same logic (respectability politics, personal disgust, "making a bad name for us as a larger group", lurking threat to our moral purity) that the conservatives are using to argue for the mass extermination of queer folk. You are bringing pitchforks and tiki torches to the party. So no, I am not going to give you access to my vulnerable mutuals. That's the heart of it. You are a danger to your community, and I'm going to limit the scope of harm you can do. The broader queer/kink communities have worked hard to define harm more carefully than "well I just personally think it's gross." Scat and piss are gross to me, but my mutuals who are into those things do still deserve love and safety, not to be sacrificed on an altar of conservative family values for imaginary "one of the good ones" points. I have a responsibility to look out for my people. So do you, FYI.

So here's the recipe for living online with people whose kinks aren't your business and hurt nobody: learn to scroll past those posts or block those tags, or even block that person. Be an adult. The world does not exist to be personally palatable to you. You are not being harmed, you're being inconvenienced. If you can't handle that, you're the one bringing real-world (rather than imagined) danger to your community. Fuck's sake.

This also finally convinced me to look up what "proshipper" means after seeing it in discourse for years, these dreaded dangerous devils who apparently must be purged from the internet, and... holy fuck, how is this contentious? It literally just means you can disagree about fandom pairings without harassing people? That's just mature behavior in a shared space. That's what the argument is about? Oh my god. If you're arguing about this in 2024, your Aunt Maddie is fully ashamed of you for real.

The dumbest part is that people get doxxed for saying the stuff I'm saying, and maybe it'll happen to me. Guess I'll roll the dice. Which comes full circle: if you're looking at this post and trying to decide how to punish me for it IRL, you are literally being the danger. Stop and think for 30 milliseconds. Maybe I have a point that you are a bigger threat than two trans girls who like to pretend to be sisters for sex reasons. And I don't wanna hear no trauma excuses from any of you little monkeys, fetishes come from trauma a decent percentage of the time, so a lot of the people you're persecuting are victims of the same kind of assault as you.

This is more words than I ever should have to write about a self-evident topic. I know if you're young enough and still figuring out a lot of life stuff from scratch, it may not be self-evident to you. But hopefully it is now before you fucking hurt somebody. Thanks.

[theglitchywriterboi]

I hate when you're like "Be kind !!!" & some annoying person comes in w/ their sob story like "I WAS kind. I WAS that person who always helped a stranger. Then someone [or some people] took ADVANTAGE of that kkindness. People rarely showed up for me when it mattered. So I stopped being kind." Okay ???

Like that genuinely sucks you didn't have great people in your life/met assholes but the response to that isn't to become unkind.... The response is:

1: More boundaries. You can still be kind & have a backbone. Some of y'all think those two are mutually exclusive but they're not. Like some of y'all are shitting on the concept of kindness just because YOU were a doormat

2: Communicate !!!! It may seem painfully obvious to you, but some people genuinely don't know you want them to show up for you the same way. So you gotta be okay communicating "Hey can you help me w/ XYZ ?" Or "Hey I'd really appreciate-" & even "Hey, I've asked you for help/time on several occasions but you always say no, I really value our relationship & I wanna get your perspective before feeling some type of way because in my position it hurts going the extra mile for people & them not doing the same"

3: Give people grace. Again I'm not saying be a boundaryless doormat, but building community, especially if you're in a highly individualistic society, is gonna take a lot of patience & effort. Some people are gonna have to be reminded more than 5 times that you need them to show up for you the way you show up for them. & I mean explicitly "Hey, I need/want you to show up for me whether it's X or Y or Z, I just need that energy reciprocated" not just [relatively] vague "Hey can you do X for me" I say relatively vague cause if you ask Hey can you help w/ X, people may not know that yes you need help but more so it's a bid for connection.

& I say more than 5 times because again, a lot of people live in an individualistic mindset [especially in the states idk about other countries], & changing your mindset & habits is HARD.

4: Sometimes you gotta ignore yourself. Again this is hard w/ boundaries but it's possible, you just gotta know yourself. Like to show up for your community sometimes you gotta go places when you're SPENT, sometimes you gotta listen to a friend when you're lowkey spiraling too, etc. Again you gotta know yourself, but yeah. Cause for a lot of us, if we only showed up when we had the energy to show up, we'd never show up !!!

5: Also, this isn't exactly like the other things but to build community you A: Gotta be kinda annoying. Like talk your neighbors, get to know them, bring them stuff, ask for help even if y'all aren't close, offer help even if y'all aren't close, etc. AND B: You gotta be in community w/ people you don't FW. This is the hardest part for a lot of people but even if you don't like someone you gotta build community w/ them. Ofc be safe, I mean not LIKE someone, don't build community w/ someone you don't feel safe around.

[rookfang]

*claps my hands together* So—

I've been sort of vaguely talking about rewriting Laika's backstory for a week or so, but I figured I would write out a step by step of what I want to do & how that will affect this blog.

ONE: As I've stated before, I am writing out the Mercar adoption plotline. This is for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because I was never satisfied with it, and I had shoehorned it in in the first place. It's always kind of detracted from my Intended Laika Experience. As much as I love the character development work I put in there, it was never cohesive.

TWO: I am also editing bits and pieces of Laika's leaving the Threads plotline - just to make it a more active plotline as opposed to a passive one. This shouldn't change much for anybody. Currently, the about document has no backstory listed, but a few supplementary headcanons are linked for any new people who happen to stumble in.

THREE: As such, I will not be dropping plotted relationships. Mostly because they shouldn't be all too affected! We can always go over stuff in DMs if something comes up, and I do think a few threads will be retconned out, but nothing too drastic.

FOUR: I also have no plans to drop any replies I owe. I've yet to reach the critical mass where it's unmanageable, and I think I have a solid, concrete plan to get the ball rolling. That said, school is also getting busy, so all of this shall come at a snails pace.

FIVE: I wanted to say how absolutely grateful I am to y'all. This blog ( and everyone who has written with me ) has allowed me to explore Dragon Age in a way I haven't before. I love reading all your writings, I love seeing how we all interpret the text and how we can expand and play around in this space. I've been having the time of my life with you.

Thank you if you've read this far. Under the cut is going to be my like... personal guide for how I'm going to handle the rewrite.

THE PLAN: - Firstly, I am putting -100% pressure on myself to write replies. If I have the time and inspiration, I will, but combined with rewriting and some other projects, plus preparing for a month abroad in May/June, I have my plate stacked full. - I will spend at least 30 minutes each day working on the bio doc rewrite, barring any Insane Circumstances. - One thing I would like to do in the Bio Rewrite Phase is at least reply to asks, but I am not making that a guarantee. - I am also working on a full fanfiction, but that's very much a 'simmering in the background' kind of project. - Once the bio doc redo is completely, I'll transition that "at least 30 minutes each day writing" rule onto my replies. No obligation to finish writing anything, but at least enough to get ideas on the page. - Of course, during all of this, I'll be available in DMs / Discord for my mutuals. Talking about writing, for me, helps me actually write, so I always love stopping to chat.

and if you really got this far : a secret cat picture

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

i think i've mentioned The Magnus Archives before, but i wanted to talk about it again, in connection with Catra's redemption. The Magnus Archives is a fictional horror podcast with an overarching storyline and amazingly written characters.

[spoilers for TMA below]

one of the themes that was briefly explored in the final season was about forgiveness. it was a very brief moment but it really stuck with me so i'll share it with y'all.

this right here was so important. for context, one of the characters, Daisy Tonner, was a cop who frequently engaged in police brutality. there was nuance to this since she was an Avatar of the Hunt but simply put, she thought she was doing the right thing. regardless of her intentions, a lot of people were killed or grievously harmed by her. for similar reasons, she tries to kill Jon, the protagonist.

later after disconnecting from her entity, Daisy realizes her mistakes and feels painfully guilty about everything. she couldn't bring back the dead, she couldn't reverse anything that she had done. all she could do at that point was to just stop engaging in violence and try to be a better person.

she bonds with Jon after some time of mutual awkwardness. Jon, being lonely himself, wasn't entirely opposed to talking to her and they even form a friendship of sorts. for context, Jon has hurt people too and he could relate with Daisy's guilt and her attempts at redemption.

in the transcript i shared above, Jon is discussing her crimes with the other characters. the thing that was so refreshing about Daisy's redemption is that Jon wasn't forced to forgive her. she put him through an extremely traumatizing and agonizing situation that he couldn't forget. his trauma was taken seriously and while he had begun to consider Daisy as his friend, that doesn't mean he forgave her. and she knew that. she understood that she didn't deserve forgiveness, but she still worked on trying to be a better person.

and later on in the series, Jon even expresses his appreciation for her friendship and admits to wanting to say goodbye to her.

i feel like this is the best way to write a redemption arc. of course it's nice seeing the bad guy being forgiven and accepted by the other characters. but sometimes you have to acknowledge that some people go too far and while they deserve a redemption, they don't deserve forgiveness. the other characters can still appreciate and respect their attempts at redemption, and even become their friend but without being forced to forgive them.

contrast this to SPOP where literally all of the characters have to forgive Catra after everything she's done to them. it doesn't matter how much damage she caused, as soon as she expresses the tiniest bit of guilt, she is instantly forgiven. there's no question of how the other characters feel, their trauma is not valid.

also, i have a feeling that if any of the characters refused to forgive Catra, she would have immediately thrown a hissy fit and spiralled right back to square one. i mean, look at her reaction to Frosta punching her.

by the way, i want to add that Daisy was also a traumatized character. she was also a sympathetic antagonist and she was partially controlled by the Hunt (whether the entities controlled their avatars or not was an unanswered question but it was confirmed that the Avatars were at least 80% in control of themselves). but she still did what she did and no amount of tragic backstory could justify her actions. if only the writers of SPOP actually stopped to think this through, instead of just hyperfocusing on getting Catra and Adora together.

anyway, if you like cosmic/existential horror, lots of angst, deep psychological stuff, complex morally grey characters, and queer representation, i highly recommend TMA! it's the whole package.

[hyunin]

hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

IZZY HANDS FIC RECS! (I want em', I've got em')

What is everyone reading in OFMD fandom right now?

I am currently mostly caught up on my 'to read list' and YALL. I'd love more recomendations!! I will take ANYTHING! I will read ANYTHING!

I'd love to start a chat, so I'd love y'all to leave something you've read recently down below!

I've also added some tasty ones I've read recently down below separated by ship! THEY ARE AMAZING!

Frenchie/Izzy:

The Poetry of Flowers: By Aletea [Rated:Teen. Complete]

Frenchie falls hard and fast. It takes Izzy a little while longer to catch up. This is the slow courtship of Izzy Hands, using flowers.

This fic was written for OFMD Aro/Ace Week 2024.

[Personal notes: OMG-It's so *GOOD*. This has a bit of S2, but mostly takes place post S2, if that tempts you, READ IT. This got me back into the hobby Frenchie does in the fic and AHHH]

you steal my breath away: By ChangeTheCircumstances [Rated: Mature. Complete]

Something is clearly off about Izzy, but when Frenchie sees him petting a cat, it finally clicks. Izzy is a fucking witch! In order to protect the crew, Frenchie makes the next obvious step in logic: he has to kill him.

[Personal notes: I feel this one is just 'if you like Frenchie/Izzy, you've READ THIS- but it's so earnest! SOLID fic the 'realizations' on both ends are really amazing and well written, reread it if you have]

Warnings from the Bottom of My Heart: By scrunglebungus [Rated: Teen. Complete]

Izzy likes Frenchie's voice. He appreciates his music and his long pretty fingers as they move across his Lute. He doesn't have a crush. He DOESN'T.

...and if he did, it's not like he's obvious about it.

(Spoiler: He is) AKA: 5 times Izzy is given the shovel talk + 1 time it's given on his behalf

[An alternate S2 fic written before S2! It leans a bit more 'Izzy needs to redeem himself' than I usually read, but all the Izzy & Crew interactions are SO in character it's scary. That and the Captains are so well realized on top of Izzy and Frenchie being great. LOVE IT]

Roach/Izzy:

Take Up Thy Stethoscope And Walk: bongbingbong [Rated:Mature. Complete]

Of Roach, the scientist - although, that those ghoulish practices he carries out should be called science is a subject on which some might disagree - I feel like I should speak with extreme terror. In laying down those events which transpired during that winter in the turning over of our century, it seems as though on paper they create an impression of little more than a tawdry tale, a freak show in writing for the morbidly curious. It’s no question that I spent a great deal of that time afraid for my life, and for my soul. And yet, I tell you - I have never felt quite so alive as I did during the days I have spent living in the graveyard.

I wonder what this might say about me. What a pair we make.

Izzy Hands dies. Roach brings him back to life. This is the easiest part of the process.

Written for the OFMD Reverse Big Bang 2023, with art from Tarouofthesea!

[Omg. OMFG. I love this fic. I love this Frankenstein'ian/Reanimator fic SO MUCH. It is just SOOOOOOO-! AMAZING characterization, stunning art, the way everything pays off plot/reference-wise! LOVE IT!]

Blackbeard's Roach: bongbingbong [Rated: Teen. Unfinished. 4/6]

What if Roach had ended up on the Queen Anne's Revenge before the events of the show?

(A alternative universe Roach who wears leather and cooks for Blackbeard's crew, and flirts outrageously with their first mate)

[ANOTHER bongbingbong Roach/Izzy fic!!! I love the way bongbingbong writes Roach/Izzy. It's not finished, but I am SO excited to see how it goes! In this one, even though it's unfinished, I feel it GETS the pre-Bonnet life Izzy lived on the Queen Anne. If you like probably autistic Izzy, READ THIS! That, and Roach and Izzy's relationship is SO GOOD. I won't spoil it, but the mutual trust is really strong!]

Stede/Izzy:

The Mount: rainingrenee [Explicit. Complete (WLW smut<3)]

Stede Bonnet enters the Revenge self defence class expecting to learn something.

She meets instructor Butch Dyke Supreme Izzy Hands and gets more than she bargained for.

[God. I love women. This smutty 8k fic is AMAZING and honestly any WLW in this fandom needs some love!]

When It Takes Hold: krill collins (krillcollins)[Explicit: 5/12]

Izzy Hands, a 90s heartthrob turned casting director with an impressively average back catalogue, never foresaw his career trajectory bringing him back to television. He certainly never would've guessed that his big return would be on Strictly Come Dancing. At least it breaks the monotony, even if he's paired with the insufferable twat, the Gentleman of the Ballroom.

It's the kind of fast-paced environment that Izzy was sure he'd long-since grown out of, and he's sure he's not going to make it past the first few weeks. Still, the more he finds himself enjoying it, the more he hopes he'll stay, and he finds himself more in love with life than he's been in years.

Still, the talk of the curse puts Izzy on edge. Bonnet is strangely captivating and seems more interested in Izzy than Edward has in years. Izzy may not believe in them, but that's the thing about curses: once they take hold...

[OMG. OMFG?!?!? Do you know how much I love 'Dancing with the Stars' AU? NO? Well. For every fandom I enter, my first tags I search are 'time loop' 'time travel' and 'dancing'. This fic is EVERYTHING I love about the trope. I have been following this fic from Day 1 and OMG. I love it. Can't recommend it enough]

The Island: triedunture [Explicit: 10/? Updates every Friday-SteddyHands but Izzy/Stede focused]

Stede Bonnet wakes up in the little cottage he and Ed share—except Ed's not there. Izzy is. Stede is somehow stuck in a world where Ed died and Izzy lived. As he struggles to get back to his real life, it becomes clear that things on the island are very different from what he first assumed....

Updates every Friday.

[A fic that, if the premise sounds cool-READ IT! It's a bit out there concept wise, but SO fun, and a great look at how Stede and Izzy interact in a 'do I want him' type of relationship. This fic has been my weekly bed time story, and I can't wait to see how the drama UNFOLDS!]

[chilling-seavey]

okay i have so many thoughts on lloid i fear u will be seeing a lot of me.. what is george’s past experience with women ?? i’m not sure if you’ve talked about it yet bc i still need to reread but im curious about like. bad break ups .

Yes yes yes!! I want to see you all the time in here!! (in the least creepy way possible LOLL)

Such a good question. He shares some stuff/some specific details with Rosaline in Chapter 13 so I will let him tell y'all that stuff when it gets to that part...but I can give more of a broad explanation of how I've thought about his character and his experience as a whole! Let me just spill his sexual life story right onto my dash mwah

So as we know, George is 34 here, very educated so has been part of the university life just as much as a student as he is an educator. I see him having probably lost his virginity in late high school or the summer before his first year of university...maybe at 18/19? Since he's so sex-positive and so knowledgeable and understanding and gentle with Rose, I feel like his first experience was similar. Maybe he was traveling abroad that summer and ended up meeting a slightly older woman (not crazy, maybe was, like, early to mid twenties) at a pub or a museum or something. Maybe he ended up back at her apartment and he was clammy and nervous and she helped him feel comfortable and at ease and showed him the ropes and of course it was a little awkward and maybe he came a little too fast (but not embarrassingly fast, he would always remind himself when the memory creeps up on him) but it was still a very formative memory for him that he carries with him. He never saw that woman again after the next morning but he walked out of her apartment feeling like a changed man, really.

And although he's always been very studious and focused on his work (a lot like Rosaline...that's part of the reason he was drawn to her as his mentee; he saw himself in her) and he was throughout uni, I see him having a few brief flings throughout his undergrad, masters, and PhD. Not quite 'one night stands' but not quite relationships (more like...'four night stands'? lol) and—ever the learner—he used these flings to better understand himself and better understand women. He definitely had a semester or two where he was far too focused on sex than his studies but one ~70% grade on his finals and that snapped him right back into gear.

(Oh and he definitely had one threesome in first year of his masters—with two women who were roommates with each other in his same dormitory building—but they ended up being more into each other than him and near the end he was just kinda pushed aside and stuck watching and then felt quite weird about it and silently swore off threesomes after that.)

But he wasn't just into flings and moreso as he progressed through his uni years he also dated in between them, definitely more of a long term relationship kinda guy. Some girls from his class, or from the dorms, or friends of friends. Girlfriends for him throughout uni likely lasted 8 months-2 years or so? But there was only a handful of those. He told a few of them he loved them and they said it back but he never really felt that intense draw towards them that so often is depicted in romance novels. That's okay, he was focused on getting his doctorate anyway. Breakups at this time were likely more mutual; I think one in particular would be the girl being far more upset than he was and being the one to call it off really dramatically and kinda playing the victim and he was kinda like "...ooookay so bye then..." (lol)

He graduated with his PhD at 28/29 and that's when he did a lot of traveling between finding a career (assistant professor at one university or another...working in the archives...guest speakers at conferences...etc). He definitely isn't one for meaningless flings but in his travels he met some women he connected with and ended up back at his hotel or their local apartment.

(He had one woman from Italy take him home only to discover she lived on this farm and he was all too aware of one of the goats staring at them through the window the entire time.)

George tells Rose more of what happens in his early 30s so I'll leave that for him to tell you all too in Chapter 13!

But, overall, I see his body count to be around 20-ish? And he doesn't take that lightly, he's always been a conscientious lover and thinks that as much as sex can be fun, it's also intimate and thrives off trust and connection and that's what he loves. It's a wonderful balance of pleasure and decorum for him.

[trashcanteatime]

Trans Journal: Input Welcome!

So my parents have actually become two of my fiercest allies and for that I am thankful. My dad's work bestie is a trans guy too, and when I came out to Dad, he sat down and they discussed everything. My mom, oh my mom. I typed three different things trying to describe the level of ally my mom is. I have honorary uncles because of her that helped raise me in a very queer positive environment. She knows exactly what kind of woman she would have dated had she not found my dad. She supported her sister, who was out as lesbian and moved out to a more accepting state long before I was born. And I'm prefacing what I actually want to talk about with this because my parents are allies. They are supportive.

But, because there's always a but, my mom did ask me if I would modify my chosen name a little. She kept our last name after divorcing my biological father. (Dad and biological father are very, very different people.) She has gone on to get degrees and have an amazing career with that surname. She is known by that name. That she kept. For me. And I was planning on keeping it too, just moving it around a little. It wouldn't be my last name anymore, but somewhere else. At first she was okay with the new surname choice. She made jokes. She liked the joke my partner and I made about how we would change a letter for a team name if we ever got back into a specific duo sport. She was a little sad that I wouldn't have the same last name as her anymore, which she would have been if I had gotten married and taken someone else's surname. And I get that. But she was okay with it for a while.

I haven't done paperwork nor made new emails or any of the stuff that comes with a name change, because the plan is to do so when I go out for top surgery (fingers and toes crossed this year). So she has time to bring up any concerns and has done so.

She wants me to keep our last name.

Like, bad. Because it's ours. Because we kept it despite the bastard that sired me. She's not taking my dad's name, or I would have just done that, because she has established her life and career with it.

And, y'all. I am considering it. Because I am a mama's boy. She raised me by herself. My dad didn't come into our lives until later. (Not that anyone can tell, I am just as much my dad's son as I am my mom's in personality and tastes, just not in blood.)

I think I've decided on a newer name, but would like to discuss it with other folks. It's common enough that I usually wouldn't mind just saying it here yet I would prefer to do so in DMs or something. So, mutuals, shouting out to you, my friends. Wanna tell me if the newer name sounds stupid? I've used it before in online spaces and as a common video game character name, it's the as-a-whole that's throwing me off. Thanks, y'all.

[someprettyname]

＊•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚. ❗❗GOTTA PIN IT❗❗　˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚＊

BEFORE YOU INTERACT

⚠️ This user vents, yaps, whines and rants a lot. ⚠️

⚠️ HANDLE WITH CARE. ⚠️

[ This post is subject to change, everytime i add a point i will reblog it so y'all know ┏⁠(⁠＾⁠0⁠＾⁠)⁠┛ ]

>>> Mira/Nami/any pretty name

Just know that you'd have a special place in my heart of you assign me a unique nickname. That's what my URL and overall blog theme is about 😌 my name is the pretty name hehe :]

>>> I spam reblog often, i have a proper tagging system but just beware of that before you follow me.

When I say spam reblogging i MEAN spam reblogging. Fanarts, analysis, fic (self written and reblogs), interactions with mutuals and others, RPing with blue lockers and/or others, thirsting - EVERYTHING. I DUMP EVERYTHING on here.

>>> Late replies (advance apologies)

If I ever don't reply to something you tagged me in that's because I might've missed it among my other notifs, not because I'm ignoring it. { I try to reply to everything, I love interacting with people. Bear with me, please. } Sometimes, replying to certain things takes me days to a week. So that too. Saying this so you know what you're getting yourself into, i wouldn't want you overthinking my reply time unless we are in a conflict/argument.

>>> SUPER SELECTIVE follow backs.

Sometimes, I love a blog but don't follow it because you might be reblogging stuff I don't want to see on my dash. Just that. No hard feelings. Related to that : If I call you my moot YOU ARE MY MOOT. That's how it is in here, i don't have to follow you back for that. In my mind you are my sweet moot. Period. I'm a believer in "moots in spirit" concept 😌 I don't mind people asking me to be moots, but if I ignore your request please do take the hint. Also, if you're asking me to be moots always send the ask off anon so I can reply privately in case I'm saying no.

>>> DO NOT DM before asking me/until I do it myself.

If I've closed my inbox then comment on any of my post/pinned post to ask me but NEVER DM me before asking me/unless I've given a green flag beforehand. If my ask box is open and you'd rather communicate over DM just shoot me an ask and if I feel like it I'll DM you first. Point to note when you're shooting me an ask for DMing is to be considerate and put the ball in my court rather than making it a yes/no consent question. There's a difference. If you ever DM me without asking and you're someone I've never talked with in DM/discord before then I WILL have to block you. Don't be surprised. As much I'd hate to do that, you've already broken my boundary once and I'm not going to sit and hope you don't do it a second time. I have already compromised once in the past with someone and it turned out ugly.

>>> NOT SPOILER FREE

Don't come at me for not tagging the spoilers.

>>> I reblog NSFW, be warned.

Minors who interact with me, please be responsible. I don't really want to have a MDNI criteria for a few bad and irresponsible cases.

>>> I self ship with multiple characters, do NOT shame me in any way.

Self shipping/thirsting/simping is my way to show an appreciation for a character, it should be obvious that it does NOT reflect how I approach things in real life so when you shame me over it any way (yes, playful jokes included) it puts me in a tough spot. It makes me uncomfortable in my skin, don't do that. Don't be the one who spoils my experience here. I'll ignore such comments, and if you keep doing it again and again know that you'd only be DAMAGING your relationship with me. Period.

>>> Journaling personal thoughts.

This place is my safe space at this point so I'll often write out and post my personal thoughts here. #shitpost - is for general light-hearted stuff/ranting, thoughts that I'm fine sharing with others. #chatter - random passing thoughts (I'm mostly being crackhead in that tag honestly) , not meant for others to see but it's fine if you see and comment on it. Idm. #diary - self explanatory, can have heavy traumatic stuff under the tag, again - not meant for others to see but it's fine if you see and comment on it. Idm. If I don't want people to see something/interact with a particular post I'll mention it in the post!! Another pointer is that I'm a sanatani through and through so I'll post about stuff related to hinduism in general (occasionally), if that triggers you or you're not a believer feel free to block the tags #desiblr and #hindublr.

[tookishcombeferre]

Metamorphosis & Mutation: A Cedric the Sorcerer Playlist

My hand slipped and made a 2+ hour playlist. My challenge for myself was that I was not allowed to use *any* of the songs from the series.

If you know how much I love music, you know I love a good challenge. There are one or two songs that cuss in them. (Only one "f-bomb" from a Passenger song, but it's worth it because the song "Fairytales and Firesides" is beautiful. The line "We are bitter losers, snarling through our smiles" was just too perfect to pass up.)

"The Incident" and its immediate aftermath is represented by "The Sacrifice of Faramir" for ... reasons. It just felt perfect. Any LotR fans will likely understand that and where my mind was going with that one. (Surprising number of parallels between Sofia and Pippin, Cedric and Faramir, and Goodwyn and Denethor. Might make a post about this eventually. Due to the casting in movies, which don't get me wrong, overall I love, very few people remember (or know) that, in the novels, Pippin was 28 at the beginning of the book and turns 29 in Gondor near the end of the trilogy. Hobbits don't reach full cultural maturity, and are considered minors, until 33. Billy Boyd was actually the oldest of the hobbit actors. So, most people forget that/ don't know that fact. But, now you know! :D) (I may or may not have spent four years of my life researching these books and relationships in almost monastic levels of isolation except for when my [now] spouse and our mutual friends would drag me out my dorm room to ensure I ate and hydrated myself. The sad thing is I am only kind of hyperbolizing.) A note on the song "I Found" by Amber Run - that is meant platonically/ paternally. If people read anything else into that DON'T. Just DON'T. (For people who have read "In the Flares of the Sun," and continue to read it, this song will hit different. The whole idea of "I found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me, talk some sense to me." is just ... it hits. Platonically. It hits from two directions for folks who have read the chapter "First, Do No Harm." Honestly, this song has always given me *deep friendship* vibes more than anything else anyway. The first playlist I ever used it on was an adopted mother-daughter relationship in a dystopian novel I was writing. It was used right alongside "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan. So, if you want to know the vibes I get from this song, now you know. The kid was based on Thomas Paine so it was actually a "Common Sense" pun. ;D) "Show Me" by Idina Menzel is also intended platonically. I first heard that song on an Anna and Elsa tribute video so I've always thought of that song platonically. But, if you're gonna weird about either of those songs, just don't. With that out of the way, there are some very "me" choices in here. "This is the Moment" from Jekyll and Hyde was my *jam* in middle school. I almost broke my CD of the "dream cast album" with Anthony Warlow as Jekyll/Hyde playing it so many times on my CD player before I got an iPod. (I NEVER claimed I was not old, y'all. Also, I'm actually auditioning for the role of Jekyll/Hyde in December. XD) The fact that there is both Jason Robert Brown and Marianas Trench on this playlist is a very "me" choice. Also, yes, I did put two songs from the new Hunchback of Notre Dame with Michael Arden as Quasimodo on here. Don't *judge* me. (Made of Stone is a perfect song for Cedric, COME ON!) Also, if I chose to set Cedric's rant to Roland as "If It's True" from Hadestown. It is *my* prerogative to give my sad trash-panda this beautiful rant. If I wanna play that pre-dungeon moment as a little more justified because it felt a little more true than not ... it's *my* playlist. (Hadestown is based on the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. The song "If It's True" is set just after Orpheus has just gotten his butt whooped by Hades and told that he's worthless, that he's basically lower than dirt, and that music and love are meaningless.) (1. I'm absolutely setting this playlist in the universe of "In the Flares of the Sun." So, mild spoiler, in the first verse of this song, for backstory about something that has only been implied so far, but is coming up in a future chapter. The spoiler is very blink and you'll miss it. It's like a line and a half of the song. But, it's there, and I did choose the song intentionally because of the backstory I built in the world of that fic/ other fics I'm planning for future. So, you'll get a brief glimpse into my brain. 2. But, let's be real:

"'Cause the ones who tell the lies/ Are the solemnest to swear/ And the ones who load the dice/ Always say the toss is fair/ And the ones who deal the cards/ Are the ones who take the tricks/ With their hands over their hearts/ While we play the game they fix/ And the ones who speak the words/ Always say it is the last/ And no answer will be heard/ To the question no one asks" Mmmmm ... so perfect. So angry. Also that: "Tell me what to do" - so many different characters that could be directed towards.) But, this is also why I put the world's best anti-villain anthem that sounds like a Disney-princess "I want song" right before it. It's about the *juxtaposition.* It's about the *nuance.* (Cedric basically is Dr. Jekyll. Okay? It's probably why I love him. Jekyll/Hyde has long been a favorite character of mine.) Also, I'm obsessed with Collabro. Their covers are so good, and the story of how they came together is so supremely weird and serendipitous. Look them up. They do not disappoint. Also, "Chosen Family" is one of my favorite songs ever. I used the one where Rina Sawayama and Elton John sing together. Though, Rina Sawayama is the original writer. I love both versions, but I also just love Elton John so much, and I love the version where he sings with her. I hope y'all enjoy it too. I will spread the gospel of this song forever because I just love it. And, I had to end with the credit's song of "The Tigger Movie" - "Your Heart Will Lead You Home" - because that movie destroys me every single time I watch it. The end. That's my notes on this. There are a whole bunch of other songs I didn't cover. But, yeah. These are the ones I wanted to make notes on. This got really long. If you can't tell music is something of a special interest of mine. I managed to refrain from putting full blown oprea on here. You're welcome. I'm not sure exactly where I would have gone if I *had* decided to put opera on here. But, it's not an impossibility or something I wouldn't do, or haven't done, for other character playlists in the past. XD