trashcanteatime

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well the cistem is not gonna overthrow it-self! i wanted to do something like that for a wile now seeing the news especially in USA strength every trans person living here.

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The other manager likes to open my location entirely too early if he can't get back to sleep in the mornings, which means I have folks yanking at the locked doors at least half an hour before usual start time, which is when I usually arrive. And then they get pissy if I can't fulfill their orders right away because machines aren't on.

Absolutely adore this blog. Because I also wish I could bite customers heads off some day.

All signs point to No, but you should rattle the door a bit more just in case.

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Me today.

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Seen someone say “I can’t die, I got graves to dance on that hasn’t been dug yet.” And honestly, that goes hard. We need to keep that energy.

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Trans Journal: Gender Euphoria/Dysphoria

I've been on T since Halloween and thankfully my facial hair is developing. Body hair has me looking like a calico cat because I have auburn, blackish brown, and white hairs. In weird places like calico patches. That part is fun. I'm enjoying guessing what area will develop which color and in some places being wrong. But, since I have yet to have top surgery and feel rather uncomfortable having a beard while being somewhat fem presenting at work, I had to shave last night so I can continue to look professional. That part is fine. Although I will enjoy it much more post top surgery when I can fully stop shaving.

Gender dysphoria happened in my dream last night, for whatever dream logic reason I absolutely had to wear a normal bra and hated it so much. Uncomfortable. Unpleasant. Not for me. I remember being very upset that I did not have access to my binders. Which goes to show that they can absolutely be important to mental health. If not having my binders counts as a nightmare to my brain, that means top surgery is absolutely an important thing for me to strive for. And I am pretty much praying that there will be no complications in me getting it.

That's pretty much it for a journal lately. Just trying to keep things going. Had one of my digital paintings printed on canvas for my dad, so I'm curious to see how that turns out. Hopefully I work in a high enough DPI that I won't need to do a lot of editing with more paint and only need to do so for texture and my own amusement.

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The trans flag should have a werewolf on it. Like how Wales has a dragon

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I tried to come out and explore these feelings at age 14. Because some of it was tied to the loss of faith in Christianity for being screamed at by my youth pastor for being one of three queer kids in the group and how we were all terrible sinners, and it didn't matter that we accepted Jesus into our lives because we were gay, my mom tried to reassure me by trying another church with my gay uncles. It didn't work. And it silenced me until I was 19. Tried again and found out how hard and long the process was and figured I would probably just commit suicide before I ever made it, so it wasn't worth starting. Then I got nudged into a ten year long, toxic as hell relationship. Those feelings were still there.

Now I'm 30. I'm out. I have a little beard going on. I have my top surgery consultation scheduled next month. I am engaged to a partner that loves me for who I am and is the kind of research scientist that can explain some of the nuances to what my animal behavior science (as a special interest and hopefully still a future career) ass can understand. I actively want to live now. My mom and I have both done therapy and now she practices witchcraft and we have discussed how generational trauma has hurt us, but we will do better. We have done better. We have broken the cycle.

So fuck anyone who says this is a fucking trend. We have existed since before history. Just because we were locked away does not mean that we do not exist. I will not be locked away again.

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Gonna send this to my boss

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someone: prohibition in the united states was largely ineffective, cost millions, tried to force a religious belief on the entire country, only ever resulted in the increase in consumption of alcohol, as well as the increase in police violence, and ultimately failed

people: okay yeah that’s true

someone: the war on drugs is the exact same thing except this time because of the militarization of the police and private prison interests, is much, much more deadly and specifically exists to justify and widely reinstate slavery within the united states

people: what? but drugs are #bad, and we can’t let people use them. obviously this is the only way to deal with this situation

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bud i don't need to "hear u out". if i see a monster and it consents it IS getting fucked, no questions asked

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Oh what moods these are

Random signs I was definitely NOT cis!

My absolute favorite shirt EVER was my brother’s. It was a hand-me-down and like, all I wore. LOVED that thing, and I still have it. I refuse to get rid of it.

I was playing soccer at recess when I was super little, and it was boys vs. girls. I walked over to the boys side, and they told me to go with the girls. I said “sometimes I feel like a girl, and sometimes I feel like a boy” LITERALLY SO GENDERFLUID?? (I had to join the girls 😭)

Would get super jealous that boys could take off their shirt. Like weirdly obsessively jealous. And I’m not a jealous person. Like, I would cry about it.

Would get upset when my brother took off his shirt to sleep, swim, etc. because “It made me realize how much my chest had grown” and that made me hella uncomfortable.

Got SUPER excited when someone said I looked like a guy, and I didn’t realize it was an insult lol

AND IT TOOK ME YEARS, I REPEAT, YEARS, OF “THIS IS NORMAL CIS GIRL BEHAVIOR!” TO REALIZE!!!

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Lesbian flag Seychellized.

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Decided to say fuck it to my congestion. Closed myself in the guest bathroom, blocked out all ventilation, turned my massive humidifier on full blast and ran myself the hottest bath i can stand.

This is my enclosure. I live here now. I have recreated the water cycle in a matter of minutes and can finally breathe.