#mutuals it is 1am can you tell the only things on my mind 24/7 are blorbos. be honest

[starcastic-artificer]

I fr need to get back into art so I can draw my blorbos getting bullied by my other blorbos

[hquirks]

Karasuno & College AU Pt. 1

School: Karasuno

Genre: headcanons, fluff, crack, slice of life 

Warnings: mental health breakdowns 

A/N: This is a Haikyuu!! Headcanon where the Karasuno first years attend the same college and experience their first semester. This is written under the assumption that they attend a Japanese college that follows an American college system. Lastly, most of these headcanons were based on our own personal experiences in college and from our friends.

Disclaimer: This is very...long LMAO. We’ve been working on this for the past 2 weeks on and off. We just had a lot of feelings but we had so much fun! We’re sorry but we hope you enjoy!!

By: Noodle ✨, BananaMilk 🐯, & FriedOmurice 🌊

HINATA SHOYO

Sports Communication Major

Gets scouted by a university’s volleyball team for either middle blocker/winged spiker

Procrastinates so HARD like does his essay that’s due at 8 am the night before. He PASSES his classes especially the ones for his major and what he is randomly interested in but he is still a mess when it comes to studying.

Though Hinata would be the person you see openly crying out of sadness and doom at 1am in the library

While he has gotten better in taking care of his body, however like any college student, he lives on redbull and coffee especially during finals. 

Tries to not pull all nighters but will due to his procrastination and inability to get work done efficiently

Lives in the same dorm building as Kageyama but on different floors. They burst into each other’s rooms unannounced all the time since they’ve established long ago that they are best friends and do not give a fuck. They banter with each other 24/7 (their respective roommates have grown immune to their loudness and bickering.)

Hinata’s roommate is Inouka from Nekoma!! They both get along really well and are able to live well together so they stay roommates the rest of the years in college. Hinata is a little messier than Inuoka but he keeps his messes to his side that Inuoka never minds.

Their apartment is super wholesome bc since they’re always encouraging each other, they leave little notes like “You got this!!”, “Good luck on your exam!” or “You’re amazing and awesome! Don’t forget it!” Also, the apartment just looks really homey, very lived in.

He becomes kinda popular at school because he just ends up befriending all his classmates (and is even closer to the people in his major) and also because of being on the volleyball team!! Hinata gets recognized everywhere even when he’s off campus and everyone says hi to him, and he never minds.

As a freshman, he attends all of the freshman events and all the free events that happen every day Friday!!!! His favorite Friday event is when they get to stuff an animal (either their school mascot or another animal) and are able to dress it up and keep it! (His favorite is an owl dressed like a volleyball player that he named Little Giant)

Tries to get involved with other clubs but because of volleyball and his inability to juggle more than 3 things, he doesn’t (but still ends up becoming friends with the people in the club bc they think he’s so friendly and fun)

Ends up going to a lot of events held by the clubs he’s befriended! He kinda of becomes a recruiter for the clubs because if he finds someone who talks about an interest, he recommends them one of the clubs. (The clubs are forever grateful because they always get an influx of people during fall semester every year.)

His first semester grades consists of:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): C+ - Japanese Literature: C - Sports Media and Society: B - Principles of Sports Reporting: A - Biology 1: C-

Hinata has a breakdown about his grades because he does not want to lose his starting spot on the volleyball team. However, he improves much more due to the help of his friends like Yachi and Inuoka the next semester.

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

Sports therapy

Also gets scouted as a setter by the same university as Hinata

Since Hinata is adamant about attending all the freshman events and free events the campus offers every Friday, he eventually gets pulled into going with Hinata even though he doesn’t want to. 

Thanks to Karasuno and Hinata, he has softened over the years and has learned to be more sociable with others, but he still prefers to hang out with the first years squad and is still a quiet person. 

In their first dorm year, Kunimi and Kindaichi were planning to room together & they were looking for a third roommate, and Kageyama was assigned to their room

They eventually grow mutual respect towards each other

His grades are better than when he was in high school because he actually likes his classes, but he still sucks at general education subjects

He lives on coffee and 5 hour energies to get through finals. He has to cut down on the 5 hour energies because he ends up not sleeping for 3 days straight and he starts to get worried.

Kageyama eventually caves in and tries to join other clubs that do not revolve around volleyball thanks to his friends. Somehow, and the first year squad is still confused as to how, he grew to love the cooking club and he gets really excited whenever they’re trying out a new dish! (He also thinks that as an athlete knowing how to cook and take care of his body is crucial). 

One day when they’re hanging out at Yamaguchi and Tsukki’s apartment, he cooks for them a recipe he learned from the club. The others are really apprehensive at first to taste it, but are genuinely so surprised that it actually tasted REALLY good and immediately start showering him compliments and yelling. Kageyama’s brain goes mush and all he can say is HINATA BOKE(Hinata: WHAT??? I was complimenting you and I wasn’t the only one, Bakageyama!!) 

Besides going on his daily runs, he will also find time to go to the gym early in the mornings. He brings Hinata along with him and they just end up competing at the gym. They become regulars and befriend the front desk people and the security guards.

Because of how popular and good-looking he is, he ends up developing a fan club but doesn’t know about it until one day Tsukki points it out. It’s right after midterms in their 1st year and all five are out to eat. Tsukki’s gets annoyed because there’s just been a hoard of girls (& guys) following them in the restaurant.

Tsukki: can you tell your fanclub to leave us alone?

Kags: ...my what???

Tsukki, unimpressed but not surprised:....

Hinata points out that he has a fanclub like the Great King and Kageyama just blanches...he wants to be like Oikawa but not like this LMFAO

Kageyama’s first semester grades:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): C+ - Principles of sports therapy A+ - General Japanese 1 C- - Calculus 1 B+ - Ethical Issues in Sport A-

TSUKISHIMA KEI

World History major (Honors Program)

Very orderly with his course plans (LEARNING CURVE WHO??)

The guy who plans his week ahead and actually diligently studies. Since Tsukki is BUSY all the time in college, his planner is DETAILED and NEAT. He carries it with him all the time in his backpack or pocket since it is so small and portable. If needed whenever his plans do change, he would carry small sticky notes to plan it out on the spot and make sure everything goes smoothly still. Plus he hates it when it looks messy so sticky notes are a must.

Doesn’t usually go to events on his own willpower. He usually gets dragged into events by his upperclassmen (Kuroo and Bokuto) or Yamaguchi begs to go with him because he doesn’t want to go alone. 

Enjoys going to the college’s on-campus museums during his spare time. He visits seasonally since the museums change up one exhibit every few month dedicated to a certain event or artist. His favorite is the art museum because it’s quiet and calming. (Also, he’s undisturbed by the others...)

Doesn’t want to be the group manager but becomes one anyway because he just can’t watch others “ruin” his grade. 

Has some university credits already from his AP classes / dual enrollment so he’s already finished with some general education requirements but still needs a few more. 

He can actually graduate a semester early BUT decides against it because his apartment lease goes through the next semester and doesn’t want to be bothered with finding someone else to take his spot. (He won’t admit it but he would kinda sorta miss the 4 idiots...)

Sometimes he forgets to eat (Yamaguchi usually reminds him plus they end up going to lunch together too). Often buys starbucks sandwiches on the way to class.

He has his own starbucks cup. He always drinks the same thing, so the workers remember his face and order. Sometimes they make his order ahead of time because they know. Loves their chocolate croissants. 

That bitch who drinks BLACK coffee every morning for enjoyment!!! He also drinks espresso for necessity during finals

Arrives to class early so he can get the really nice seat in the back and doesn’t want to sit next to anyone

In class discussions, Tsukki is a classic smartass. He will not hesitate to give out his opinion and often plays devil's advocate for the class.

He doesn’t join the school official volleyball team, but joins the volleyball club instead because he has to juggle between being in the honors program, being a research assistant, and playing volleyball

Doesn’t want to admit it, but still supports the boys at the official volleyball team. Goes to almost every game in disguise.

Tsukki’s first semester grades:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A- - European History and Culture A+ - History Research Seminar: A+ - Crime and Punishment in Japanese History: A+ - Empires, Nationalism, and Revolution: A+ 

Won’t say it, but is actually pretty upset that he got a A- in Coming of Individuality

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

He majors in psychology and minors in business administration. 

Knows where all the university gardens are and has a favorite spot when he studies sometimes if he wants some fresh air.

In continuation, he knows and goes to all the nice trails and parks around the city. He tries to go when he cans and he often brings the other first years when they all have the time. (Everyone except Tsukki enjoys it...but Tsukki grows to love it as well.)

Yamaguchi and Yachi go together to pet the therapy dogs every Friday by the library and cry from the cuteness and love they receive. They have a favorite dog that is a shiba inu named Mizu who is the ABSOLUTE sweets and gets so many belly rubs from these two.

Yamaguchi works at a boba place to cover his loans. The first-year squad comes over often to study and hang out with him (really though they tease/play around with him). He is a STAR employee, having been there most of his 4 years and is employee of the month frequently. Knows the regulars’ orders by heart and is doted on the little old lady who comes in with her dog every Sunday morning.

He LOVES all the good food. He knows all the low key, hole-in-the-wall places that DELIVER on food. His favorite food is teriyaki chicken. It’s basic but also HAS to be quality chicken and chicken.

When Yamaguchi wants to cry from the stress of doing SOOOOOO MUCH (school, job, research assistant, and psychology club), he goes to the psychology building because it’s colder and has fewer people. He discovered a spot there that no one ever goes to and cries there. 

He actually found his mentor/ researcher boss who was a psychology professor and researcher who saw him one day and asked if he was okay.

He joins the psychology club and gets so involved!! He does the mentor/mentee program and because he loves helping people so much, he ends up having so many mentees and even adopting a few who get abandoned

Even though he’s already busy, he actually becomes secretary this 2nd year, VP 3rd year, and then president his last year!

Yamaguchi does NOT do coffee, but he loves tea and anything relating to tea. His favorite boba flavor is matcha green tea. 

Because of this, he becomes obsessed with matcha in general and will get matcha flavored anything

Yamaguchi and Tsukki are roomies (duh). People don’t get why they live together with their opposite personalities, but they eventually see why 

Yamaguchi first semester grades: 

- Psychology of Personality: A+ - The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A- - Social Psychology: A+ - Introduction to Statistics 1: B- - Introduction to Finance: B

Has always been a good student and works hard for his grades but his first semester grades suffer a little(freaks out about his B’s) because of all the stuff he has on his plate, however, he learns to handle it better and understands that a B is still okay!! 

YACHI HITOKA

Graphic Design Major

Binge-buys Shein and YesStyle Clothes the first week

This QUEEN has taken every self defense lesson she could get her hands on and bought herself pepper spray as well. Even though the boys felt they were fine, she gave them pepper spray to put in their bags(practically shoved it in their bags because she wants them to be safe too)

She gets a lot of compliments for her cat keychain from others, but none of them really know that the keychain can be used for self defense and Yachi bought it because it was cute and effective. 

Her campus has a building for all of the student life and activities and there’s a small bowling alley. Lemme tell you, she’s a serious bowler; like her scores are always in the triple digits. She goes every Wednesday religiously all four years (except during midterms and finals week) because it’s half priced.

OFC she joins the bowling club and competes throughout her college years. Y’all already know she’s winning the medals. 

THE QUEEN OF SAVING MONEY AND COUPONING!! She will always snag the free, semesterly coupon book in the plaza when they give them out. She ends up grabbing 4 (2 for her and 2 for her roommate)

Yachi LOVES sweets so when she’s feeling stressed, she usually eats sweet things or cries and if she’s REALLY stressed she’ll do both. Her best friends are her tears, a tub of chocolate ice cream, and videos of animals(cats, dogs, pandas mostly but cats are her fav mostly) plus tiny food cooking to make her feel better.

In clubs that she joins, she often becomes the multimedia chair and everyone loves her designs and ideas!! 

She interns during her 3rd year as a local business where they use her design as the new logo for the company!! Because of how well the design was, she ends up catching the eye of a major company (one she’s been looking at for a while) and they offer her a job after graduation!!

The boys are super proud of her and surprise her with a congratulations party for her success!! The boys are tearing up at how much Yachi has grown as a person(imagine Kiyoko when she presented Karasuno with the team flag and all the second and third year boys CRIED. That’s what happens basically) 

Yachi’s first semester grades: 

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A+ - Perceptual drawing: A+ - Typography: A+ - Principles of Art History 1:B+ - Introduction to Statistics: A+ 

Yachi is SMART and has great grades, but her anxiety affects her when she’s dealing with big projects for her classes. She eventually gets better every semester and learns to manage her anxiety when it comes to big assignments! Bottom line, she evolves to be a BOSS. 

FIRST YEARS’ SHENANIGANS (FIRST YEARS)

Coming of Individuality: freshman required course

- Hinata, Yachi, and Yamaguchi agree to be in the same class Hinata convinces Kageyama to take the course with him

- Yamaguchi asks Tsukki to take the course with him and Yachi, which he agrees, but Tsukki doesn’t know that Hinata and Kageyama are also there

Plants Drops!

- Every 3rd Thursday of the month, the gardening club has a plant drop where they give out plants for free in their campus’ plaza

- So, Yachi and Yamaguchi are the first ones to find out about it, and end up dragging the other 3 to go with them

- Tsukki thought he would hate it but he got this little cactus that he’s kept alive all four years and brings it with him when he graduates into his new apartment - Hinata tries to keep the plants alive but ends up forgetting about them so he has to opt for cacti only; though, he does end up keeping one plant alive for the rest of the semester but forgets about it when he goes home and leaves it in the dorm - Kageyama ends up keeping two plants alive, both little ferns, and names them banana and strawberry (his favorite milks) They still go every 3rd Thursday even if they have plants because it gives them an opportunity to see each other if they have been busy

Yamaguchi and Tsukki’s place

- The undisputed hangout place for the first year squad (Tsukki worries that Kags and Hinata will break something every time they come over) since it is so close to campus.  - They often come over in between classes to chill and eat their food in peace while watching Netflix or playing Mario Kart or Super Smash together.

MANDATED (Tsukki didn’t want this but the others wanted this to happen) first-year lunch hangout

- Every Friday at exactly 11:15am, the first-year squad would eat lunch together at a local food stand on their campus called Tikis to catch up for the week.  - They chose Friday because they tried all the other days and decided collectively that Fridays were the best.  - The food stand usually sells a variety of food (usually soul food) and switch it up every week but it has some of the BEST food on campus (& even the city) - Without a doubt, the first-year squad ALWAYS make sure to leave space for their mandated Tikis lunch when doing their schedules every semester. No excuses. 

[starryyastraea]

SHIP/OTP Questions for my main ships: Cambeck, Lunarie, and Camarie :) (because I am not sure which ships will end up canon y a y)

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?

Valerie is definitely the night owl in every situation. She cannot fall asleep before 11pm, but even then likes to stay up. What do you expect? This girl stays up studying fairy tales and magic and then of course has to do all her school work at 1am. She’s a wreck.

Luna and Camden are early birds, and go to bed early. Do not understand Val’s need to stay up. Luna likes to get up early to work out and get ready for her day. She likes to be productive. Cam likes to watch the sunrise and gets inspiration from the early morning crap idk. He likes to be up and awake and ready. They both like to be awake before everyone else in the house and have alone time before they need to put on their ‘masks���.

Oliver is both? He likes to stay up late but can’t sleep in. So when he can, he naps during the day. Which he can’t. Get this poor boy some sleep, he's a mess. 

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?

Cam is usually the big spoon and Val is the little spoon. He likes holding her and feeling like he can protect her, and vice versa. But sometimes, when Cam has had a bad day, he needs to be held. Val likes when she’s the big spoon because it’s when Cam is vulnerable idk words lol

Same thing here. Cam is usually the big spoon. Oliver would never initiate himself as the big spoon, but he wouldn’t turn Cam down if he wanted to be held.

LUNA IS A LITTLE SPOON LUNA IS A LITTLE SPOON SHE NEEDS TO BE HELD AND CUDDLED SHE IS A  B A B Y  HAH LITTLE BABY

3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle?

Okay so hear me out. They ALL love to cuddle. The most affectionate are Camden and Luna, then Valerie and then Oliver.

Val is a total cover hog, which is fine because Cam and Luna will just cuddle up to her and boom all is good.

Oliver. Will. Steal the covers. And when he’s sleeping he doesn’t care to cuddle. So Camden is lEFT FREEZING HIS LIL FACE OFF AND OLIVER DOESN’T KNOW NOR CARE BECAUSE HE’S ASLEEP

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?

Camden. Little kisses all over the face. With Val she’ll smile and return them, Oli will end up a blushing mess every single time.

If Val happens to somehow be awake before Luna? Like they both had a long night?? OOooffff. Luna is definitely that “Affection? Disgusting… Do it again” type of person so if Valerie ever woke Luna up with little kisses Luna would ACT like she hated them but they both know that's how she wants to be woken up for the rest of her life. Might do that to Valerie a few times and then deNY IT THE BRAT

5. Who usually has nightmares?

Honestly? Probably Luna. Her constant fear of wanting affection and attention keeps her up at night (Except not)

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day?

B R U H. Valerie and Oliver would stay up late at night contemplating life and Camden would totally go along with it. 

Luna does her thinking during the day around people. That's how she realized she liked females and maybe being popular wasn’t really everything and woah no one has ever been inside and empty room….

7. Who sweats the small stuff?

Luna and Oliver when it comes to basic everyday things. They are worry warts, no matter how much they hide it. So poor Val and Cam need to tell them they’re doing okay and just. S t o p.

Cam sweats the small stuff when it comes to his partner. He’s a hopeless romantic and just wants his s/o to feel like the most loved and happy person in the world and constantly feels like he isn’t doing enough.

8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?

They all wear pajamas but if Valerie were alone on a hot night she would not pass up just her underwear and a giant t-shirt.

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?

Cam and Luna usually do since they wake up early, but Valerie always makes extra because she's a thirsty gal

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour?

Cam and Oli are wholesome sweetie babies who love sweet.

Valerie likes both. She can’t choose just oNE …. :)

Luna likes sour things. Sour. That’s why she herself is so sour. She doesn’t like dessert-type food either. 

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?

Camden is of course a sucker for romance movies, and so is Valerie. Oliver doesn’t mind them. Luna pretends to hate them and then finds herself up at 1am watching Hallmark movies. whoops

Cam is just a movie junkie and also loves horror. Val will watch them if someone else wants to, but does not go out of her way to choose to watch them. Luna and Oliver hate horror movies. Will not for any reason watch them.

12. Who is smol/ Who is tol?

Based off of energy, Luna and Cam have tol energy and Val and Oli have smol energy. Which works for their actual heights too… 

13. Who is considered the scaredy cat?

Oliver and Luna lMAOOOO poopy heads

14. Who kills the spiders?

Camden would kill it, but Valerie would take it outside while Oli and Luna are crying outside and planning on where to move. 

15. Who is scared of the dark?

Valerie actually is still scared of the dark...

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?

Valerie and Luna. So they’re a mess together. Its… they need help… 

17. Who works/ Who stays at home?

Val, Cam, and Luna would all go out to work. And Oli is the homebody who just stays home/works from home. 

18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person?

Oliver is a dog person.

Val likes both, leans toward cats.

Cam likes both, leans toward dogs.

Luna is not an animal person. Get them away from her. She won’t touch them. Gross.

19. Who loves to call the other one cute names?

VALERIE AND CAMDEN MOST DEFINITELY USE PET NAMES OMG KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME EWW

Oliver might if he’s feeling confident. And we all know how Luna feels about affection. Gross 

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?

Luna and Cam are most definitely doms. Cam is more like,,, a soft dom? Luna just. Dominant.

Val is a switch and will most definitely dom both Cam and Luna and even though they’re also doms it’s like,,, you can’t just dom dom Val, y’know? If she wants to dom she’s gonna dom

Oliver is a subby sub we all been known hes b a b y

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?

VALERIE AND WE BEEN KNEW

Cam has an obsession with memes and his love

Oli obsesses over books

Luna is obsessed with herself whoops

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?

CAMDEN OMG HE WOULD GO ALL. OUT. FOR HIS LOVE BECAUSE ITS LOVE DAY AND HE LOOOOVES YOOOUUUUu

23. Who asks who out on the first date?

Cam always makes the first move

Luna usually makes the first move, but Valerie had to ask her on the first date because Luna is an idiot.

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener?

Cam is the talker and Oli is the listener. Obvi.

Cam and Val? Booooth. They both do both. Mutual loving relationship. They’re idiots. I hate them. 

Val will talk and talk and talk and Luna doesn’t listen unless it’s like a serious heart-to-heart. Luna doesn’t talk about her feelings and Val has to force them out of her.

25. Who wears the other ones clothes?

Ohmygosh Valerie wears everyones clothes regardless of who shes with.

When Luna/Cam see her in one of their shirts? They m e l t

Luna loves to dress Valerie up in her clothes

And Oliver likes to steal Cams clothes sometimes. He wouldn’t go out in public but Cam is just so much bigger than him so the clothes awh baby okay

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?

Valerie, Cam, and Oli all love junk food and Luna physically cannot down junk food.

Cam and Oli know how to eat healthy though

Valerie… she lives off of caffeine and potato chips she does not know what a carrot is. Like carrot cake? No? Then idk she dont know

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?

Valerie does both

Camden and Oli take long showers

Luna is in and out. And somehow was able to effectively wash all her hair, clean and shave her entire body, give herself like a full facial and mani-pedi, buy a house, perform heart surgery, and like brush her teeth in like ten minutes.

28. Who is the book worm?

Oliver and Valerie lol

29. Who is the better cook?

Luna and Valerie cannot cook for crap

And Cam is better at baking...

Has Oliver ever even step foot in a kitchen??

...they’ll all just order takeout. for the benifit of literally everyone.

30. Who likes long walks on the beach?

Camden and Valerie would

Luna prefers to like,,, sunbathe. That’s the only reason to be at the beach lol

Oliver doesn’t do beaches.

31. Who is more affectionate?

Cam and Val and we been knew

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?

AGAIN. CAM AND VAL. IT’S LIKE THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER HMM

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt?

Luna- Not guilty, Val- Sin

Oli- Not guilty, Cam- Sin

CAM AND VAL ARE JUST SIN AHH

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

Valerie and Oliver do be gettin lost tho

Need to be returned to Luna and Cam

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?

omg Camden my boi. He’s just so excited and hyped. Also, his family is no help because they’re always going overboard

Valerie will also go overboard. But nobody beats Camden lol

36. Who is the social media addict?

Luna?? Have you met this chick??

37. Height difference or age difference?

Luna and Val have a three inch height difference (when Luna is wearing flats), and Valerie is older by like... two months

OKAY Valerie and Camdens height difference is 10 inches. awh. I’m a sucker for height differences look at themmmmm. And then Cam is seven months older

Cam is only three inches taller than Oliver :) And Cam claims the title as the oldest, being four months older than Oli

38. Who likes to star gaze?

Omh Camden is such a hopeless romantic and he’ll do this just so he can turn his head and see his love staring up with the stars in their eyes. Also so he can use dumb star related pick up lines on them

Valerie loves this! Look up at the stars! So pretty! She may not know anything about them, but she loves them!

Luna will join Valerie because yeah, they’re pretty :) And so is the cute girl next to her whoop

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside?

.....Camden

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?

When it comes to parenting, Valerie and Cam would be a fun/responsible duo. They are both the good cop and bad cop. They know how to balance it, because they grew up with balanced parents.

Luna would be more responsible. She isn’t exactly a ‘kid’ person, and really didn’t have great parental influences growing up, and doesn’t want to have her child run off and be unsupervised/feel neglected like her

Oliver is in a similar boat. 

SO THANK GOODNESS FOR VAL AND CAM

41. Who cries during sad movies?

Omg I swear Camden and Valerie are like the same person it’s disgusing. Anyways. They.

Oliver may? Depends on how sad it is.

Luna has no emotions. Gross.

42. Who is the neat freak?

V A L E R I E omg she will clean up the smallest mess. Which is funny because you look at her and her bedroom and think she’s a mess herself which she is but she’s an orginzed mess

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?

Valerie and Camden will be competitive and try to win each other prizes, but like, against the other? If that makes sense?

Oliver will gladly accept what Cam wins for him

When Val offers to win one for Luna, she’ll be like ‘ew gross I don’t want one of those’. Valerie gets one anyways, and Luna adores it anyways.

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?

Honestly none of them are lazy per se, but the most active I think are Luna and Valerie. I mean, Luna is just an active, work-outy person. Valerie just cannot sit still for longer than three minutes. 

Camden and Oli like to relax from time to time. Just. Sit. Alone or with each other. 

45. Who is more likely to get drunk?

Luna and Cam (poor Valerie lol)

46. Who has the longer food order?

Camden!! This boy eats a lot!! And where does it all go?!

47. Who has the more complex coffee order?

Ohmygoodness Valerie. She drinks so much coffee, and her orders are always different and bizarre. 

48. Who loses stuff?

Oliver. Poor boy. Val misplaces things quite often, too.

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?

Camden is the only good driver here.

Between Luna and Val, Valerie drives but only because Luna refuses to. That does not mean she is good.

50. Who is the hopeless romantic?

The obvious answer here is Camden. He takes the cake for being a hopeless romantic. He loves the idea of love, and being in love. Having someone to love. Love. He goes over the top, stares at them, he’s just in love and isn’t afraid to show it.

HOWEVER

I think all of them, once in their relationship, shows how hopelessly romantic they are for their loves. That’s just what happens when you’re with the one.

lol. I know this isn’t like... how this was supposed to go but I couldn’t choose just one couple :)

[goddessnemain]

So I Got Drunk...

So I got drunk on Saturday night. It was a buddies' birthday party. We started off at his place- he and his wife made a killer spread of food to munch on before everyone headed out to a local brewery. He had friends come in from out of town, most of them were fairly nice, the women were a little catty, but I’ve come to expect that from city women. Thankfully a couple of our local mutual friends showed up shortly after I did, which helped make me a lot more comfortable instead of being in a house full of people I’d never met with the exception of my buddy and his wife. Nice group of people though. 

Between a couple drinks and a couple shots of mushroom tea, by the time everyone was ready to leave for the local brewery, I was in a good mood. I wasn’t drunk but I was a little tingly and feeling okay. So when they all went to the brewery, I took that opportunity to go home, shower, change my clothes. My roommate was nice enough to give me a ride to the pub so my truck didn’t drink too much and have to have another sleepover. 

The band at the pub was good. Of course, they were good, they play in there every few months, though this time it was only two members of the band and not the full band, they made it work and they were great. 

The night itself in the pub was like most Saturday nights when there's a band. We laughed, we joked, we played pool. We enjoyed the music, and it was fun. I yapped with a couple friends, I yapped a bit with the out of towners, the women pretty much stuck to themselves and made no effort to talk to me. It didn’t bother me, I didn’t want to talk to them anyway. I don’t do snarky, and they were definitely snarky. One of them was a local woman, who, upon learning who I was when we were at the house, became very judgemental. When you live in a small town, people know your name, they recognize your last name, and they make assumptions. It turned out that this woman knows my bro, she taught his son at one point, and the judgment flowed from her in thick waves. She wasn’t very nice to me once she found out who I was and who I’m related too. Jeez lady, I can’t pick who my parents birth, leave your judgments at the door and judge me for who I am and not some preconceived notion.

When the majority of us left the pub just after 1am, we all headed back to the house. One of the out of towners kept putting his arm around me, which I didn't like. I had a couple more drinks at the house, strong drinks. My good buddy mixed them and he mixes drinks two ways: the ‘normal’ way and his way, and his way consists of more than the standard ‘two fingers’ of liquor. I like his drinks more. So, the birthday boy passes out, half the group passes out. Lightweights. A few people from the group had left the pub at midnight headed back to the house. Pitiful. So I wound up drinking with a couple of them out of towners- a couple of the guys, and one of them, to my dismay, was the creeper who kept touching me, my good buddy and his younger brother. Eventually, when some other guy started hitting on me, the creeper sauntered off for a while before coming back. And then he’d saunter off again. My good buddies younger brother tried to convince me to get into the hot tub with him. Sorry man, no bathing suit, no bra, and thong undies mean no hot tub for me. He was pretty insistent but he didn’t get his way. He was saying something about “if you don’t get what I’m trying to tell you by now then you’re not going to get it”. Bud, you were wearing a wedding ring. I may have questionable antics once in a while, but a wedding ring is a gigantic “hands off” red flag, and a line I don’t cross. 

Eventually, it came down to three of us: the creeper, the guy that had been hitting on me, and myself. The creeper was still sauntering off and then coming back, sauntering off and coming back. The other guy was nice. Truth be told, I don’t remember much of what we talked about, but he wasn’t pushy, he wasn’t rude. and was just an enjoyable conversation, huddled around a fire. We chatted about our siblings, he told me about his job, I showed him a video on my phone of one of my kiddo’s accomplishments that I’m really proud of. I only live 3 1/2 blocks and across a highway from my buddies place, so I didn’t have far to walk home. Of course, it had snowed 7 inches in 8 hours and walking in all that fresh, unshoveled snow in my heels was not my idea of a good time, but I made it home. The guy I’d been chatting with had repeatedly tried to insist he walk me home, and after I repeatedly insisted I could make the journey on my own did he finally drop it. I got the vibe he wanted to walk me home to see if once we got here he could come in and ‘warm up’ and that’s why I was so insistent that I could walk my own damn self home. I could have been way wrong, he does have 3 older sisters and it could be just the way he is, but still. Besides, my brain was elsewhere.

And here’s the very dumb thing I did when I was drunk:

If you guessed I text the drummer at 3am you would be right.

I’d done so well! It had been 9 days since I had sent him any texts that had contained any actual words, and even then that text had been just thanking him for checking in on me- he knew I’d been having a rough few days- and 8 days since I sent him a text with a couple of emoji. I hadn’t replied to him at all. My theory had been if I could get through a week of not replying, I would be golden. And I made it through that week. His face didn’t stare at me every time I opened my Facebook messenger, he was far enough down the list I didn’t see his face anymore. He hadn’t been texting me- it had been 6 days since I’d gotten a text or a phone call, I thought maybe he’d ‘gotten the hint’ if that's what I was trying to do. I’d posted a selfie to Facebook right before I’d left for the pub. I can count on one hand the number of posts I have that he’s ever ‘liked’. Two. Exactly two posts. One in October that had said something about “Whisky Wednesdays” and that damn selfie I posted on Saturday night before I went to the pub. So, as you can imagine, it came as quite a shock when I saw his name on the list of people who had ‘liked’ my photo. So, between all the whisky I’d had, the mushroom tea, a bit of pot, still missing him even though I shouldn’t, and then seeing his name on that list, my brain was spinning. My feelings were spinning. My drunk brain combined with my wild BPD emotions and my phone was in my hand.

Text 1: I’ve spent the better part of a week trying my damnedest to not text you. And here I am, drunk, texting you. Why? Because I miss your stupid face and your stupid texts and your stupid calls. And I miss you and I shouldn’t miss you but I do.

Text 2: Why do I miss you? (My BFF) contributes it to being stupid. I think it’s because, well, I wish I could put it into words that someone would understand because I don’t even understand it.

Text 3: It’s bloody stupid. I’ve written about it. I’ve written you a ‘goodbye’ letter but apparently, it hasn’t stuck in my stupid brain because here I am drunk telling you that I miss you and I wish I could see you and that I care too much and you care too little and it breaks my heart and

Text 4: And I slightly hate myself for this shit

And then I called him when I was walking home...

Text 5: And I can’t even bring myself to let someone take me home. Or bring them home. Because it feels a bit wrong. And it shouldn’t because we know it doesn’t for you so what the fuck is wrong with me

Text 6, sent 24 hours later: I need to apologize. I never should have said those things regardless of my state of mind at the time. It was not fair to you to have to read the things I said, nor was it okay in any way or form for you to have to experience my drunken behavior. I’m sorry. I was unfair to you and I feel terrible about the things I said.

He’s read all the messages. If I remember correctly, he’d read the first 4 by 4am Saturday night (or Sunday morning if that's how you look at it) and the 5th at 6:15am Sunday morning. He’s not replied. I was only half honest in my apology- I am sorry for the things I said, and I shouldn’t have said them, not to him anyway. And he shouldn’t have had to be on the receiving end of my drunken anger and rambling, no one should have. I’m not sorry I said the things I said. I don’t feel bad about it. I shouldn’t have told him that I still miss him. I know he checks my Facebook page, he looks at the things I post, he’s told me flat out that he does. And sure, I’ve posted numerous things that were directed at him, and he knows that. I think he knows that I miss him and he definitely knows that I still care. I didn’t have to tell him. If I’m being honest right this minute, I said all those things to make him feel a little bad, to make him miss me, or in the hopes the things I said would make him feel a little bad and in hopes they would make him miss me a little too. Pitiful, I’m well aware, but I can’t take it back, and I can’t change it, all I can do now is own it and move on from it.

And start all over at day 1.

[sorcerusdragonbionics]

Reading list 6/22-6/29

So I got this from a few places, such as the FanFic Summer Reading Challenge as well as one of the profiles I’m following mentioning that they wanted to do a reading list of every fanfic they’ve read. I read A LOT, hence why wanted to do the Summer Reading Challenge, but I also wanted to share fics with people, so I’ve decided that every Sunday I’ll post the fics I’ve read in a Reading List for the week.

Fic ratings range from G to E, but all of them are labeled so if something isn’t your cup of tea, don’t read it. Since this is my first list and I want to see how it turns out I’ll keep them all together for now, but depending on how it turns out I might start dividing them up by fandom and possibly by Rating.

For Now: Tell me if this Sharable Link works for you Google Drive Folks, or Read More if you feel so inclined.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19Py4njs7UTYOijl3TkGAB2MouJ4uiTa4e3uB6ThpMjs/edit?usp=sharing

Revenge of White Rabbit

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: TiBun, UnknownPaws

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4832390/chapters/11067851

Status: Complete

Series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/329461

Complete

Three works

Chapters: 14/14

Summary: They say that bad things happen in threes, but they never specify just how Nightmarish "bad things" can get.

Rating: E

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death

Words: 45091

You’re All I Need

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: towokuwusatsuwu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8565637/chapters/19636612

Status: Incomplete

 Last Updated 2016/11/17

Chapters: 2/?

Summary: In a world where you only see in shades of gray until you meet your soulmate, Barnaby has his literally fall into his arms.

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 2891

 Of Tigers and Bunnies Series

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: MarchWindsAprilShowers

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1332236

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2019/6/25

Works: 7

Home Sweet Home Summary: Barnaby wasn’t sure exactly what it was that made his partner’s home feel like...home. At least, he feels more at home there than anywhere else, including his own apartment.

The Group’s Couple Summary: Every large friend group has at least one honorary couple and this one is pretty annoying. (A short and completed drabble series of how the other heroes deal and interact with TaiBani.)

Already Perfect Summary: If there’s one thing Barnaby actively avoids in interviews, it's the subject of children in his future besides Kaede.

Fried Rice and Promise Summary: In which Barnaby decides to return the favor and kick down Kotetsu's door unannounced with some fried rice to cheer up the old man.

My Hero! Summary: Okay, alright. Social media has even pointed it out at this point. Barnaby will admit it. // He can be a little protective of Kotetsu. // Maybe even unreasonably.

For the Last Time, Go to Bed! Summary: Keith is sick with a cold and keeps bothering Ivan who is currently making him some soup.

Betrayed by the Heart Monitor Summary: Barnaby is injured on the job and is in the hospital. Kotetsu is with him and refuses to go home. It's 1AM, so that's the perfect time for confessions (obviously)!

Rating G - T

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 7424

The Prophecy

Fandom: BBC Merlin

Author: VikingSong 

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10463682/1

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2019/6/22

Chapters: 79/?

Summary: Uther learns Arthur is the Once-and-Future-King of prophecy and declares him a traitor, forcing him to flee with Merlin. The catch? Arthur has no idea who Emrys is and no desire to fulfill the prophecy. Reveal!fic. T for action sequences/some deaths; no slash, no smut, no language. Cover art by AlexandarCho on deviantART (used with permission).

Rating: T

Different Tagging System so not marked for whole work, but Author is vigilant to point out moments of violence that will be coming up in the chapter.

Words: 110584

The Only One

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Rinienne

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085107/chapters/16103044

Status: Complete

Chapters: 8/8

Summary: There was nothing funny about a NEXT ability which made some people lose their minds to lust, especially while it had such deadly consequences. Others were not affected by it the same way, but what was the difference between the two groups was a question yet unanswered.

Rating: E

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Warnings

Words: 46668

Zero to Hero

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: ryrybread

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323073/chapters/45963673

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2019/6/24

Chapters: 2/?

Summary: Midoriya Izuku has had a hard time getting through life as long as he could remember. Not only was he quirkless, but he was born in the wrong body, gender-wise. // If it wasn't for his childhood friend standing up for him, he wouldn't even been here, let alone being face to face with his ultimate role model, All Might. // Follow Izuku through his high school experience, dealing with feelings, villains, and transitioning to become the boy he always was meant to me.

Rating: T

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 2057

Something To Look Forward To

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: jooniebears14

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206946/chapters/45661945

Status: OnGoing

Last Update Approx 2019/6/25

Chapters: 2/?

Summary: After leaving his horrible middle school Izuku Midoriya starts fresh at a new one. Making plenty of friends and experiences along the way, everything was perfect until… // “Izuku were getting married” // “ Oh that’s great I’m so happy for you guys” // “ Yeah and were moving back to Musutafu” // “Wait what”

Rating: T+

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Words: 3293

Zero: the World’s Best Hero Duo

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: Toboe1087

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18548689/chapters/43963657

Summary: There was a next to zero percent chance that it would happen. That two infants would meet each other in the park and have a soulmate connection. That they would grow up together and change the world forever. But that's the thing, the chances were next to zero, but not quite zero.

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated Approx 2019/6/25

Chapters: 24/?

Rating: G

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 40125

Three’s a Crowd

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: ScatteredSounds

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15960185/chapters/37223450

Summary: Izuku wasn't sure if he was ready to find his soulmate, then he found two. He swears upon All Might's abs that he is not ready to handle this shit. Todoroki has had a rough past and finds it difficult to show emotion. Bakugou only know how to show 50 shades of anger. And Izuku is just so happy to have both of them in his life he doesn't really know what to do with himself.

Status: OnGoing

Last Update Approx 20169/6/17

Chapters: 13/?

Rating: E

Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 43949

A Suitable Nickname

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Fujiwara_no_Seimei

https://archiveofourown.org/works/216812

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Kotetsu and Barnaby have been living together for years with Kaede, and now a teenager, she's pushing her boundries. Barnaby learns what his real role is in this dysfunctional family.

Rating: T+

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 797

Win Some, Lose Some Series

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Lirillith

https://archiveofourown.org/series/12623

Status: Incomplete

Last Update 2012/2/13

Works: 3

Win Some, Lose Some Summary: Barnaby visits Kotetsu in the hospital after the final confrontation.

Better Late Than Never Summary: Set during the episode 25 timeskip. Kotetsu and Barnaby get their chance to talk before Kotetsu leaves Stern Bild.

Keep Your Chin Up Summary: Barnaby navigates Christmas solo.

Rating: G-T

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 7096

Potential Happy Endings for Tiger & Bunny

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: wickedorin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/308846/chapters/494248

Status: Complete

Chapters: 5/5

Summary: While I was waiting for the final episode, I had a little fun writing the possible endings that were in my head. Many spoilers, but not really for the final episode.

Rating: M

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death

Words: 5326

Seasons Will Change

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Tru

https://archiveofourown.org/works/253126

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: A "what if?" post episode 24.

Rating: T

Warnings: Major Character Death

Words: 1807

Me in You, You in Me

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Author: fromstarlighttodust

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19338721

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: When an experiment goes wrong, Levi and Eren end up in swapped bodies. Unfortunately, existing as each other until they can figure out how to reverse it turns out to be more difficult than they had anticipated. Ultimately, it leads to a journey of hard truths, mutual discovery and a greater understanding of one another--not to mention an appreciation for being themselves.

Rating: M

Warnings: Underage

Words: 9732

Hero Name

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: miarinnes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364635/chapters/46072966

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2016/6/26

Chapters:1/?

Summary: Bakugou Katsuki was visited by a "ghost" girl named Katsumi. The bubbly 5-year-old instantly got immuned by Katsuki's angry outbursts and a wide range of curses. Who was this girl, this -- Katsumi who had curly blonde hair, round ruby eyes, and freckles across her cheeks? Bakugou does not seem to care until she had talked about her Papa that reminded her of spring and the color green.

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 3957

I’m Only Yours (Forever and Ever)

Fandom: Attack On Titan

Author:Siamesepolyporegoat

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15778020/chapters/36707862

Status: Complete

Series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1164533

Incomplete

Last Update 209/6/20

Chapters: 26/26

Summary: Eren was the second son. He was supposed to be free to love and marry whoever he wanted. So why was he being sent to marry some stranger?

Rating: M

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage

Words: 67781

On the Shoulder of a Giant

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Author: Written By:  Emamel 

Read By: Opalsong

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2791343

Status: Complete

Chapters: 11/11

Summary: The Scouting Legion receives word of a rogue titan in the battle of Trost. // They didn't know what to expect - it certainly wasn't Jaeger.

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Podfic- 0 words read

Savior

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: jaegerackereri

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18077612/chapters/42727589

Status: OnGoing

Last Update 2019/6/29

Chapters: 6/?

Summary: When Izuku's brother Kota becomes gravely ill, the only person that is able to save him is the cruel Dragon King Katsuki Bakugou, but how far is Izuku willing to go to save his brother...

Rating: M

Warnings: Author Chose Not Use Warnings, Rape/Non-Con

Words: 10232

[mcrmadness]

I still haven’t gone to sleep and it’s already 9am. But I went to sleep at 9am yesterday too so what is new anyway... I also still smell the smell of smoke in my nose and I’m slowly getting used to it even tho I feel like I’m standing in a cloud of smoke and need to get away, but I can’t because there’s actually nothing smelling like that. I googled things and I’m slightly afraid of going to sleep because of the things I can find with google and I have health anxiety. I was already hopeful that it’d be migraine because I read that some people have “phantom smells” as the aura symptom for migraine and I’ve never had that but this odor of smoke is just so strong. I’m also having PMS which makes my nose work differently anyway, cats’ treats smelled like strawberries today. So I was almost cheering up today when I thought I was going to have migraine attack but didn’t have it after all. And this is the first time I actually wish for migraine because I want this phantom smell to be migraine and nothing serious, and I want it gone, and migraine might make it disappear. But this is really making me so exhausted and to have mild sensory overload and sometimes I find it even hard to breathe because my brains think I’m breathing in smoke. (At my parents’ house it smelled like cigarette smoke again, at my home just like burn trash smoke.) But yeah, whenever my health anxiety strikes, I often can’t go to sleep and I try to do something that I could fall asleep meanwhile doing because the moment of falling asleep in darkness and silence feels really distressing and horrible.

Anyway, I was left with very mixed feelings from my today’s dive into my old Tumblr messages (but got maybe like 10 to show up and now it doesn’t show any of them anymore but I also don’t want to use the ‘delete all messages’ because there’s 500 messages, or so it says, I sometimes can be bit of a hoarder). I don’t necessarily like it because, idk, I feel like getting so focused on old messages, posts, blog posts and diary pages yeets me straight into those years and it can be bit difficult for me to again get the hold of the year I’m living right now. At the same time I love the feeling of diving into those memories but at the same time I hate it because they make me sad and feel as if someone died just because those are MEMORIES that are already quite old, and I can’t feel the time, and I dissociate (derealization/depersonalization) a lot on almost a daily basis.

But I’m also feeling like I’ve been with my own thoughts for too long now. Really feeling like I need to talk with _someone. And not just talk TO someone but with, since I already keep writing on Tumblr and whatnot but when I get no responces, no notes, nothing, I just feel so invisible and it feels like being to a therapy without a therapist. Okay I’m sorry, didn’t mean to call my followers/mutuals as therapists, I know it’s wrong and I’ve been told often about how it makes people feel uncomfortable. It’s just so normal to me, I talk about mental health just like people talk about weather. It’s just a topic along with all the others. Anyway, usually I’m my own therapist tho. I haven’t even been to an actual therapy in months because the corona fucked up everything and neurpsychiatric training meeting was canceled which made me to totally forget about the therapy meeting, and my therapist didn’t even call me that day which was why I was starting to have anxiety because I was no longer sure of anything at all. And since then she has tried to call me a few times but I’m always sleeping* when she calls me and my phone is on mute, and I tried to call her back once but she did not answer nor call back in weeks, and on all of the other days I’m just procrastinating and deciding to try calling her back tomorrow or next week. I also often forget that I should all her and when I finally remember that, it’s already so late because I get up super later too. Or I remember it but want to eat and drink my tea first and then I forget about it again.

*I don’t want to answer to phone from sleep because I hate it when people hear from my voice that I was sleeping because I just feel like people are going to judge me and my life choices. Talking of that, I really, really hate meeting my neighbours at any times. And my neighbour was trying to be friendly to me the other day, talking and asking things, I talked normally but I was so happy of the fact I was wearing sunglasses because it’s so easy to escape behind them. Anyway, she asked if I am coming home at nights because I often move around that time and she found it hilarious thought that I get back home an hour before they have to get up. Like, okay, whatever. But seriously. I’ve so often heard about how my sleeping schedule is stupid, how I should “try to sleep at ‘people’s time’“, how I answer the phone and I can hear from the negative tone when they say “so you’re still sleeping...”, well this is mainly how my dad speaks to me about my sleeping habits, that I’ve got this stuck to my mind and whenever I do something “weird”, I’m constantly trying to come up with excuses for why I’m possibly doing that, other than just because I can. I mean, coming at home at night? Like, that is no one’s fucking business but still the fact someone has noticed me doing so makes me feel so bad. I feel like a failure and I feel like I have no proper answer, I told my neighbour that I’m not working but I do sometimes come home very late and I keep moving around in my flat at night too. But I hate that kind of conversation because I feel like if I say that I’m just at home 24/7 and that just is my sleeping schedule, people would judge me.

And I actually don’t hate anything more than when people do not say aloud what they think but when you can read from their face their true opinion. I hate seeing it because it’s just 10 out of 10 cases when I talk with “adults” or the older generation, they will look disappointed when you say you don’t have the regular sleeping schedule (which is something society has decided being the only good one). I just feel so ashamed of it. And I’ve been doing this since I was 15, always at home trying to walk as quietly as possibly so that my parents would not wake up to ask me “are you STILL up???” and I often went to bed right before my dad woke up and I was doing things, reading or writing, and whenever he would move in the living room, I turned off my lights and tried not to make any sounds and pretend sleeping in case he’d notice. He has never been mean, but just the sound of his voice when he so often asked me why aren’t I sleeping yet or have I yet again stayed up the whole night just... I hate that tone in people’s voices. And I’ve been living alone for 5 years and still every time I move here or do something, I imagine my neighbours hearing that and wondering to themselves why is that person still up. And I try to come up with “excuses” that could be true, maybe I was to somewhere, maybe I had long day at work (I don’t work atm), like, who the fuck cares, but still I try to come up with something because I feel like “just for fun” is an answer people will always judge me for. There’s always something wrong with me for wanting to stay up the whole night. Therapists, doctors, everyone always trying to tell how I should fix the sleeping schedule, how 11am is maybe still a liiiiiitle bit too late for getting up, why not e.g. 9am instead? And I’ve so often tried to explain to people what my natural circadian rhythm is and how it keeps moving all the time etc. but people always keep telling me that it’s something we can train our brains to change. But I fucking can’t. I was working for almost 5 years straight and I had to do 7:30 mornings every day (and occassionally 6am mornings) and let me tell you, I never ever felt awake until the clock hit the noon. I was always nearly falling asleep on that chair if I sat there for longer than 15 minutes but when noon happened, I was no longer feeling tired. And I could not go to sleep before midnight or 1am because there just wasn’t enough hours in one day for me to recover from work which is why I used my potential sleeping hours for that. 

And the biggest reason for this annoying me so much is not that I’d hate my own sleeping schedule, I think it’s perfectly fine for me, but the fact that I constantly feel bad for it because if people know, they will judge me and almost always tell me their opinion about it too. And their opinion is often about how I’m faulty and should fix it asap.