#mushroom guerilla

[helenadarlingtattoo]

Cover up

Turkey tails over roses. Helena Darling

Darling Tattoos. Halifax Nova scotia.

[roseredsnow]

Day 45!

19th June 2023 (posting 21st)

As mentioned in the last post about my Guerilla garden some people started hanging out in my spot and leaving rubbish and the remains of a fire behind.

So I went back to pick up the litter and was pleasantly surprised to see some, but not all picked up so I got the rest.

Since I took an entire bin bag down and didn't end up with as much as I thought I went to another spot I knew had a fire at and cleaned up round there and on the way found some mushrooms.

I Google inage searched and turns out they're artists fungi.

Years ago I think precovid a load of trees were chopped down just behind where I'm standing in this picture, were it not for the big log on the end I remember getting pictures on in a cosplay shoot with a friend I wouldn't of recognised the area because it's now full of plants growing tall again.

I want to find some native plants to put in my spot since my wildflowers failed but currently not having much luck in regular shops so may have to expand my search.

[bettsc]

Year-end wrapped this and that, but tell me your top five tacos. I'll go first:

Sweet potato taco, Guerilla Tacos in Los Angeles.

Breakfast tacos with charred scallion salsa and pepitas, homemade.

Trinity breakfast taco, HomeState in Los Angeles.

Hongos (mushroom) taco, Xolo in Oakland.

Egg taco, Good Luck Gato in Oakland.

(Many were consumed, but these were the standouts.)

[bokchoybabybitch]

SPIDER-SONA MOMENT

brief lil oc info as well:

Name is Abbey Edwards, She/her/hers

Alias TBD

Bitten by a whatever spider whatever something something forest national parks etc.

Instead of a reporter, Abbey’s an arborist/forester, which is reflected in her spidersuit. Hooded poncho (not yet pictured but @samsantalaart has a great concept that’s very similar - linked below!) protective padding and such on her legs and forearms, and specially designed boots for stability when climbing.

She’s pretty Monkey-Wrench-Gang-esque, she does a lot of guerilla environmentalist work trying to stall pipelines and protect biodiversity and all.

Still working on some details like her alias and how she got her powers, very much open to suggestions!!

[jensownzoo]

The latest stage of replacing part of my front lawn with a garden bed has completed stages (rows) 3 & 4.

Stage 3 was easy since all I had left to do was dig up the pavers I wanted from the side yard and get them situated in row 3 so I had a walking row. Planted the Kentucky Colonel mint in the center (I’ll be rooting multiple cuttings from this and putting them between all the pavers eventually). Also planted some nasturtium seed and oregano seed here. Ordered the white Dutch clover seed that will fill everything in and make the bees ecstatic.

Stage 4 was a bitch and a half. It took 3 days of work to get done. Apparently some time in the past, a fence lived in this row and when they took out the fence, they left the concrete holding the posts behind. I had to break out the sledgehammer :-( Got 2 out of 3 completely out and enough inches knocked off the top of the last one that I called it good. But in addition to the concrete, being a former fenceline meant that the clay soil never really saw any action—so about 6 inches down it turned into very heavy very solid red clay...which I then had to crumble with my hands. My poor, sore hands. However, I did finally remember I had a whole bale of rotting straw which since I didn’t want to give it to the chickens for their run (being that it was growing unidentified mushrooms), I could use to thoroughly amend this terrible clay soil. Tilled a mineral mix and a general fertilizer into the top 4” and added plants.

Was originally going to make this row eggplants, but realized their size would work better next to the sidewalk so did a final row of tomatoes instead. Mix of varieties including Paul Robeson, a Japanese black slicer, Heinz 1350 VF, and three different cherry tomatoes (a red, a yellow, and a blue). I did a row of old mammoth dill seed mixed with orange French marigold seed that I scavenged last fall (from the green waste dumpsters in the alley). Also threw in a row of scavenged Liatris (blazing star/gayfeather) seed, but I’ll be surprised if the seed is any good. I’ve still got three homeless tomato seedlings left, but I may guerilla-plant them since I now have 24 tomato plants in front and another 18 in the back as I have planted up another one of my raised beds.

The overwintered Nicotiana went in previously, but now it’s been joined by three tomatillos (and purple cage support) and 6 tomatoes. This bed is partially shaded in the afternoon so three of the transplants are Sweet 100 cherry tomatoes. Even if their production isn’t as good in part shade, it’s still going to be significant. The fluffy straw is working wonderfully for keeping the wildlife from digging up the beds (mostly after earthworms since I’ve got GOOD soil in them) and tossing seeds/seedlings about. Plus the extra insulation at night. Will probably pull it off and chop it up for a proper mulch in late May sometime since a hot dry summer is forecasted again.

I impulse-bought two rhubarb seedlings at the neighborhood grocery and have been dithering about where to put them. Got them in-ground today and have already changed my mind, but here they are presently. They’re planted too close together for the long-term, plus that spot gets too much afternoon shade.

My earthboxes are doing really well! Looks like I’ll be having salad for lunch for the next week on the thinnings. The boxes aren’t hovering, btw. I’ve got them supported on metal beams running between some cinder blocks—less bending over makes for a happier back.

I pulled out a bunch of old containers and have been giving the ones that are still sound a coat of spray paint to freshen them up throughout this past week. Most of them are over 20 years old and were pitted and faded/stained enough to show it. I had a large collection of spray paint that I’ve picked up on clearance over the years, so I picked some of the brightest shades. Here are the window boxes I did today, but I also have larger containers that I did in bright yellow, aqua/teal, and a pinky-purple.

And here’s a random picture of the hawthorn in my side yard because it looks neat right now.

Only one more row of the front yard gardening bed project to go, but I am dreading it so much right now after the last row. I am going to have to put something in as an edger or everything will end up on the sidewalk after a good rain, so maybe I’ll procrastinate by poking around in the garage a bit...

[ribstongrowback]

There is another life, fractured. A myriad of facets, nodes in a wide net, flashes of light in the dark peppered across the landscape, neither plant nor beast. Something else, something greater perhaps. Not that it knows, nor does it care. The blight is dotted across the chunks in the sky like itchy spots on the back of a great beast. The fungal forests sprout from its mycelium, and the blightlings are born from it, tend to it, and some day, they return to its mouldy embrace. The forests take many shapes, chanterelles, toadstools, amanitas and many others, with towering mushrooms of dizzying heights inhabited by their enigmatic smaller cousins. Each of them has a monarch of boundless wisdom, gazing upon the stars from mushroom tops, waiting.

All of them hate each other, with a passion, which the monarchs can only explain with “it’s what’s expected” as the closest translation, and none of them wish to elaborate on what they are waiting for. There are beautiful things beyond the shroomline, a few will say, we merely wait for them. The mushrooms simply go about their incomprehensible existence, drinking in sunlight and watching travellers with a curious eye, for such is their want. Some of them sport guns taken from those who came to die in their shade. The blight is for quiet contemplation, it does not entertain outsiders. It tolerates intruders but only offers its bounty to friends, and hungry raiders can be rather unfriendly. The blightlings are not smart, but they’re smart enough to know to defend themselves from predators. They form roving packs to push back wild beasts and other intruders with coordinated ambushes and guerilla tactics, striking from the mushroom tops with ferocious bravery in the face of creatures almost always two feet taller than them, at least. And still, adventurers come. Some look for a challenge to which the more gutsy blightlings are more than happy to rise up to, some seek to gather supplies from the ample bounty of fungal flesh, but whatever they’re in here for, none can help but wonder, where did they come from? Theories. Some people believe they were seeded from beyond the stars and are waiting for their kind. Others think they’re yet another victim of our forebears, fellow humans twisted out of the animal realm for some nefarious purpose or other, condemned to formless existence beyond humanity.

And then a blightwalker comes, and everyone goes wild. A corpse will shamble into town, knit from the mould, burgeoning with fungus, and salute. Grim puppets from a wandering mycelium, they joyfully oscillate on their legs, knitting themselves back together whenever they get hit, and trudging ever forward. They seek to learn and see, they say. A whole world out there, they say. Few dare reply, most turn their eyes away from the macabre display. Yet some extend a hand, and find it gripped by the cold, clammy limbs of a new friend. One day, they will stop walking and put down the mycelium of another burgeoning fungal forest, but for now, they will travel, and hope that the world they see is kind to their companions.

[rjalker]

[fungusqueen]

Wanted to make a whole separate post for the most recent pictures/updates of our Guerilla Pumpkin Patch! These pics are all from August 16 & 17; the pumpkins are looking like real pumpkins!! There’s so much life! I can’t wait until the pumpkins are big and strong for the start of the fall season. My sister posts daily updates on IG @threesisters_garden if you want to see more of this specific garden

[samsi6]

Sunday evening guerilla-cooking, today from two pans.

Pan no. 1: Pumpkin, yellow pepper, red onions, all chopped, fried, spiced with salt, pepper, hot spice, caraway seeds, fried, put in some vegan minced meat, fry some more, put in a bit flour, a bit boiled water on top, stir, put of heat, wait a few minutes - ready.

Pan no. 2: choped echalote (French onions), choped/sliced green pepper, sliced oyster mushrooms, salt, pepper, thyme, 2 pieces of garlic, fry.

Put on 1 dish, eat. Delicious and vegan.

[wegtable]

notion is so finicky today….please i have more things to tell you….dont go away…..(another low disk space warning)

[mirelle-bullion]

LFRP: Mirelle Bullion

🌻 THE BASICS 🌻

Name: Mirelle Bullion

Nicknames: Miri

Age: 37

Birthday: 9th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon

Race: Ishgardian Elezen

Gender: Female (she/her)

Alignment: Neutral Good

Sexuality: Lesbian

Server: Mateus (Crystal Datacenter)

🌻 PHYSICAL APPEARANCE 🌻

Hair: Thick and straight black hair with frosty grey tips, falling just below her shoulders. She tends to tie her bangs behind her head, or pull her hair up into utilitarian buns.

Eyes: Bright blue

Height: 75″

Build: Tall and wiry, a slender frame covered in corded muscle.

Distinguishing Features: There seems to be a permanent blush to her cheeks, which does little to disguise the scar streaking across her left cheekbone.

Manner of Dress: Her uniforms emphasize tasteful utility over flourish, and freedom of movement over armored plating. She keeps them tidy and well-maintained. Casually, she wears comfortable loose-fitting clothing with a fair amount of wear and tear, suitable for working in a garden.

Common Accessories: She carries a pipe and a pouch of tobacco with her at all times.

🌻 PERSONAL 🌻

Professions: Former Skysteel weapons tester (Machinist/Gunbreaker), community/guerilla gardener (Botanist), witch stone enthusiast (Sage), historical combat hobbyist (Reaper)

Skills: handgonne and rifle care and construction, gardening, basic first aid and herbal medicine, vanishing from awkward social situations

Interests: hiking and exploration, tinkering, puzzles, painting

Residence: The Black Shroud

Birthplace: A small cotton farm in Coerthas Western Highlands, Twinpools region

Religious Affiliation: Mirelle was raised to revere Nophica and Halone in equal measure, though she has become somewhat disenchanted with Halone in recent years.

🌻 RELATIONSHIPS ––– 🌻

Romantic: Capricious Wolf (dating)

Children: none

Parents: Albette Sufain (mother), Boffant Bullion (father)

Siblings: Urbain Bullion (younger brother), Miralda Bullion (younger sister)

🌻 TRAITS ––– 🌻

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

🌻 ADDITIONAL INFORMATION 🌻

Smoking Habit: Smokes a pipe occasionally for relaxation.

Drugs: Lighter fare -- weed and mushroom teas for relaxation.

Alcohol: Dark beer, thick enough to be considered breakfast

🌻 RP HOOKS 🌻

Community gardener - Mirelle is heavily involved in the botanist’s guild in Gridania, and patched into efforts to the establishment and upkeep of subsistence gardens and guerilla food forests throughout the Shroud. If you’re someone with an interest in providing for the wellbeing of the Shroud’s denizens, or a wood wailer wondering who keeps replacing the ornamentals with mulberry bushes and chestnut trees, you might have a lot to discuss.

Historic combat enthusiast - After being taught the traditional technique of scythe combat by her mother, Mirelle developed a keen interest in the preservation of historic or obscure combat arts. If you practice an unusual or forgotten art, or if you’re a fellow enthusiast, she’d love to pick your brain.

Former military - Mirelle has served time in the Ishgardian infantry, where she primarily trained as a firearms specialist, with a short stint as a weapons tester at Skysteel Manufactory. If you served in the military or the manufactory, perhaps she’s heard of you -- or vice versa.

Tinkerer - From handgonnes to witch stones, Mirelle is quite taken in by devices of magical or mechanical intricacy, and enjoys the effort of deconstructing and puzzling them out. If you possess an unusual device or artifact, she would very much like to get her hands on it -- only for a moment, of course.

🌻 OOC INFORMATION 🌻

MIRELLE IS LOOKING FOR

Gardens in need of a little tender love care within the Shroud, and passionate gardeners to connect with.

Knowledge and instruction of forgotten combat techniques, or fellow enthusiasts.

Little mysteries to dig into that will give her a more complete understanding of the Shroud.

I’M LOOKING FOR

One-shots or short-term storylines.

Long-term narratives with an emphasis on character development.

Character relationships across the gamut -- friends, enemies, rivals, family, mentors, partners in crime, etc.

🌻 CONTACT INFORMATION 🌻

Generally open to lore-bending, when it's done with the purpose of adding depth and texture to the setting without breaking it.

Not looking for ERP.

In-Game: Mirelle Bullion

Asks & Info: @mirelle-bullion

Carrd: coming soon

[adanceineorzea]

LFRP: Hfyrn Leshny

THE BASICS –––

Name: Hfyrn “Fern” Leshny

Age: 22ish

Birthday: 23rd Sun of the 2nd Umbral Moon

Race: Keeper of the Moon Miqo’te

Gender: Female (she/her)

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Sexuality: Lesbian

Relationship Status: Dating

Server: Balmung (Crystal Datacenter)

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE –––

Hair: Wheat blonde with strawberry pink tips

Eyes: Blue

Height: 5’4”

Build: Petite and a little soft at the edges

Common Accessories: A small hand scythe, gardening shears, a handaxe, a big straw hat, a bag for collecting goodies in, extra cloth bags for separating herbs.

PERSONAL –––

Profession: Fern is a professional forager. If there’s something someone needs and it can be found out in the wilds odds are good Fern can track it down.

Hobbies: Growing weird plants, gathering weird mushrooms, eating said weird mushrooms, brewing kombucha and baking sweets

Residence: Gridania

Birthplace: Gridania

Religious Affiliation: Menphina

RELATIONSHIPS –––

Romantic: Tuia (girlfriend)

Children: None

Parents: Ftha Leshny (mother), Unknown (father)

Siblings: Hyfe Leshny (sister), Htoli Leshny (sister)

Other Relatives: just so many

Pets: Strawberry (owl), Peaches (chocobo)

TRAITS –––

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION –––

Smoking Habit: Probably

Drugs: FUCK YEAH

Alcohol: Yep, definitely.

RP HOOKS –––

Guerilla gardener: Fern loves to plant things that she thinks are useful in spots she thinks would be good for them. Sometimes this means she plants something in someone else’s garden, or yard, or in an odd flower box around town. Somehow she always seems to remember where these little patches of goodies are but that doesn’t mean they’re appreciated by the people who view the land as theirs.

Filch & Glean: The world is a wonderful oyster of opportunities if you just know where to look! And Fern DOES. Boy, does she. If she sees something she needs, or wants, or someone else may need or want she’ll take it and be horrified and surprised if anyone is upset by it. Afterall, if they weren’t using it then what’s the good in having it?

Purveyor of Dubious Plants: Hfyrn knows all the various and interesting effects that the plants of the Godswood can have. This is primarily how she makes whatever gil she needs, either by gathering on behalf of others by request, or by selling her own surplus for a very nice profit. She doesn’t usually need a ton of gil, so her business is small but she can always give the gil away if someone is willing to pay for her services. She won’t turn down work.

Poached Eggs: You got chickens? You got chocobos? You had a egg but now it is missing? Fern is probably hatching it for you. She loves birds and views every egg as a surprise gift from Menphina. Also she makes a mean omelette if things don’t work out.

OOC INFORMATION –––

I’m a late 30 something lesbian who’s been around roleplaying off and on in MMOs for 20 years now. I like playing with glams, decorating my house, and taking a nap while Gaius yells about Eorzea. I’m pretty new to FFXIV and always happy to learn more about the setting and its lore!

I AM LOOKING FOR

LGBTQIA+ friendly RP groups

Storyline and long-term plots

Gathering or gardening related RP

Friends, colleagues, and rivals!

I’M NOT LOOKING FOR

Romance Roleplay or ERP

Extreme gore / body horror

CONTACT INFORMATION –––

In-Game: Hfyrn Leshny - Balmung

Asks & Info: @adanceineorzea

Player OOC Blog: @wolftabard

Discord: Wolftabard#6537

[theharellan]

🙌 !!!

NPC MEME | not accepting

The darkness is different so far from the sun. Syrillon squints through the gloom of the Deep Roads, straining to make out the paths that wind below them, seemingly without end. Down below he sees something move, shadows against shadows, and he nearly jumps out of his skin. “There’s something down there,” he whispers, leaning further over the edge to see more clearly. “Something moving.”

He tells himself it might be the naked animals which dance at the edge of their campfires at night, waiting for a chance to snatch crumbs from their leftovers, and he can hardly blame them. Even their rations must be a welcome change from a steady diet of mushrooms. The hope doesn’t last long, however, as he stares another moment and observes how they move together, as wolves in a pack, their purpose singular.

“They are dwarves.” Fen’Harel’s answer leaves little room for doubt. He looks over Syrillon’s shoulder only an instant before recognition flashes in his eyes. “A unit of Shal-Brytol, I suspect. We must be passing near a Titan.”

“I thought we slayed the last of them an age ago.”

“In our pride, we believed we had, but there is wilderness in this world which will not be tamed, no matter how short the leash.” He speaks in riddles, but their meaning lies bare in the shape they take behind Syrillon’s ribs. He breathes the Dread Wolf’s regret as though it’s his own, and looks again to the party of dwarves below. Blue lights flicker like distant stars, and he asks himself if this is what the gods felt as they gazed from upon high at the likes of him.

One pair of eyes look his way, pulled from its purpose like a sleeper from a dream, and he feels the darkness around him stripped away by its gaze. He gasps and pulls away, stumbling back as a rock catches underheel, saved from a fall only by the hand of Fen’Harel. “We should move on,” he says, “they do not always take kindly to strangers in their lands, and we’ve business to see to before blood need be spilt.”

Syrillon nods, breathless from his near-fall, but glances back once more to the mysterious people scurrying beneath their feet. The glowing eyes that had looked his way now turn away, as if compelled or commanded to return to the duty its curiosity had strayed from. As he turns to follow the Dread Wolf’s trail, he asks himself if their questions are alike.

Name: Syrillon Pronouns: He/Him Role: An agent of Fen’Harel once sworn to Elgar’nan’s service before he defected after the sacrifice of Elgar’nan’s champion. Syrillon served primarily as a soldier to Fen’Harel’s cause, and commanded units in guerilla warfare. Unable to achieve uthenera, Syrillon took up the task of leading refugees (former agents/freed slaves and common citizens of Elvhenan alike) somewhere he thought they would be safe. He takes them to Cad’Halash Thaig where the dwarves take them in until, supposedly to avoid jeopardising an alliance with Tevinter, Kal Sharok destroys and scatters the thaig.

[tinyshe]

Garden Report 21.02.15

Sooooooo waiting on my black currant collection. No one knows where it is and with the weather, no one but me cares. Rather disappointed in the plants I did received. Of the 12 autumn raspberry (Yellow/ Ann) only two had buds, one was just a lanky piece of root and most of all the roots were dried out but a few tips. Hoping they will kick out as I gave them a nice soak to try to re hydrate. The nanking cherries (3), only one looks viable. The other two are sub par and not even second grade plants -- if they break dormancy and grow even a little, I will be surprised. The portabella spores came in compressed wood brick, which wasn’t what I expected nor ordered ... they sold them as spores to sprinkle around the garden for Autumn harvest. Not going to happen unless I take the axe to the block and then ‘sprinkle’ isn’t a word I would associate with placement. Anyway, Plants healed in; spore block taking up big space in fridge until I can deal with it.

Collected 3 eggs. I suspect all girls are now done with their winter rest and back to work. They all three squatted for me today when I brought in treats so I am assuming all three are laying. Its been so miserable out I just make mad dashes out to give them snacks/treats a couple of times a day. I do have to muck out the twigage as that they have now mixed it with the straw and part of the sand from under the coop so its going to start creating a packed sponge/mess thing that they can’t turn.

Because of the weather, it just hasn’t been a pleasant time to even survey the garden with the icy wind, filled rain, driving parallel to the ground and sky. I did have the post put in before this last blow in but they were placed on the neighbor’s property (even after my animated talk with hands waving and placing my body at intervals where I wanted post) so they all have to come up which puts me further behind because now I have to have them come back at their convenience, with orchard ladders and place the post. Once that is done, can move brush and get straw bales for growing other mushrooms in Africa (hopefully getting rain that will totally soak and keep them sodden). Still haven’t seen nor heard from the basket maker so I think she is still hiding from covid. No one has seen her so maybe she has moved.

All the early Spring things are doing their Spring bloom thing. The yellow cherry plum is blooming but not the Burbank plum. I still have to prune a couple of more apples.

Decided against the D.O. and going with lime and other soil amendments. See if I can focus on their nutritional health to kick out the problems that are developing. IDK. Soil test was inconclusive (I think it was past its shelf life).

New crop of worms going. Later in April I am going to change up their accommodations in anticipation of moving them out of my little grow closet space. They are not appreciative of the opaque walls of the bins nor the closet space. I also want a drain/spout so I don’‘t have the suction issue of moving every bin to get to the worm tea.

Since I am going into a phase of guerilla gardening (think of it as forest gardening theory if you want to be civilized about it) so haven’t lent much thought as to the when and where things are going and if I am even going to do starts! I do need to start some toms soon. My new obsession is a Japanese heirloom squash/pumpkin called Black Futzu / Black Futsu. I was given several fruits and saved the seeds. People call it ‘rare’ but do any online search and you will find everyone and their mother is selling the seed! It is suppose to produce abundantly in 105 days so we will give it a whirl. I hope it is successful as that I greatly enjoy the flavour and texture. Even my fussy eater doesn’t mind this and it holds up well in storage.

Since Lent is at our doorstep, this will be the last report I give until after Holy Weeks. Hope everyone has better weather and can get out! If not, drag out those seed catalogues and dream :)

[tigerkirby215]

5e Teemo, the Swift Scout build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

So funny story: Teemo was originally going to be a Death Cleric and I had this massive joke about how “Illaoi was a Cleric with no Cleric levels and Lux should’ve been a Cleric but wasn’t and then the Devil himself ends up being a Cleric” but midway through writing this build I realized that another class made a lot more sense and I had to scrap like half my work.

Even on Tumblr Teemo annoys me.

GOALS

Swiftly - Teemo is literally called “the Swift Scout.” You’ll never guess what subclass we’re going to pick.

That's gotta sting - We’re going to need to fight dirty with poisons and blinds to overpower our foes.

Got a little surprise for 'em - Your enemies should never feel safe walking into your territory, knowing that a trap could be there just waiting for them.

RACE

One may think that to be a small Swift Scout one would want to be a halfling, but there are plenty of small races in 5e to choose from. This may come as a surprise but I’m actually going to suggest playing a Deep Gnome. Your Intelligence increases by 2 and you have Gnome Cunning for advantage on Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma saving throws against magic.

As a Deep Gnome your Dexterity increases by 1. You have Superior Darkvision of 120 feet, and advantage on Stealth checks to hide in rocky terrain thanks to Stone Camouflage. I mean, it’s not a bush but you could probably stealth in the jungle.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - You don’t get the title of “The Swift Scout” by being slow on your feet. (Excluding the fact that you have 25 movement speed.)

14; INTELLIGENCE - Knowledge of guerilla warfare would be more intelligence-based.

13; WISDOM - Teemo is a survivalist, having to spend months in the jungle with nothing but mushrooms to keep him company.

12; CONSTITUTION - Even if Teemo is squishy in-game it’s still nice to have a bit of extra bulk.

10; STRENGTH - Teemo needs to be able to carry all his equipment, which is where Strength comes in.

8; CHARISMA - FUCKING TEEMOOOOOOOOOOOO. (Memes aside feel free to make your Strength lower I’m mostly just dumping Charisma for the meme.)

BACKGROUND

As a Survivalist the Outlander background is pretty good to take. You get proficiency in Athletics, but I’m actually going to suggest swapping your Survival proficiency with Medicine for reasons that are going to be clear later. Why Medicine? I think Teemo would remember to bring some health pots. Regardless you also get proficiency in a musical instrument of your choice (Spirit Blossom Teemo has a Flute so take that) and a language of your choice. (Which of course has to be Infernal kekw. But really pick whatever you think will be useful.)

As an Outlander your Wanderer feature will help you remember the layout of the map you’ve been on for 10 years, and you can find food and water for yourself and 5 other people due to your adept survival skills. Captain Teemo on duty!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off as a Rogue for the extra proficiencies. Take Acrobatics to swiftly run away, Stealth to... well, stealth, Deception to trick foes into walking onto your mushrooms, and Perception to gain vision with your traps. You also get Expertise in two skills: Acrobatics and Stealth will make you the master of hit-and-run.

Speaking of hit-and-run Rogues get Sneak Attack, allowing them to do an extra d6 of damage if they attack with Advantage, or if an ally is within 5 feet of the target they’re attacking. The attack has to be with a ranged weapon which is a good segway to talk about Teemo’s weapon. Blowguns do exist in 5e but they’re trash, so unless your DM is willing to give you a seriously strong blowgun I’d personally suggest just using a Light Crossbow... for now.

But if you meet any other Bandle Scouts out in the wild you can communicate with them using Thieves’ Cant, a secret code only taught to scouts and other Rogues.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Hey it’s everyone’s favorite ability: Cunning Action! As a Bonus Action you can now Move Quick to Dash or Disengage, or use your passive to Hide. Of course Hiding with Expertise in Stealth and then popping out to shoot a poisoned “dart” (crossbow bolt) at an enemy is a good way to get a sneak attack off.

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues can choose their Roguish Archetype, and hey isn’t it funny that Rogues have a subclass called “Scout?” Scout Rogues are Skirmishers, allowing them to move up to half their movement speed away from an enemy if they end their turn within 5 feet of you as a reaction.

And remember how I told you to drop Survival proficiency? Scout Rogues gain free Expertise in both Survival and Nature thanks to the Survivalist skill! Now would be a good time to point out that D&D Beyond will let you change the proficiency in your background if you get it past level 1. Also your Sneak Attack increases to 2d6.

LEVEL 4 - ROGUE 4

4th level is our first Ability Score Improvement: for some Guerrilla Warfare take the Skulker feat to hide more easily in bushes, not reveal yourself when you attack, and see better while hiding in the brush.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 5 - WIZARD 1

Hey look everyone it’s my favorite class, because Teemo perpetually frustrates me! If you can’t tell this was going to be Cleric levels and I’m writing this immediately after scrapping like half my build so... a little annoyed. Yay.

Anyways Wizards at level one get Spellcasting: you get a Spellbook where you can write down 3 cantrips and four 1st level spells. Your cantrips are always ready but you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Wizard level plus your Intelligence modifier. Seeing as your INT mod is 3 that means you can prepare all the spells I list! (At least for level 1)

CANTRIPS

For a ranged source of poison damage take Infestation to both poison and confuse your foes to make it harder for them to approach you.

For a melee source of poison damage take Poison Spray for a lot of damage! What do you mean Poison damage is commonly resisted? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

To strategize with your team Message will let you keep quiet while preparing to ambush!

SPELLS

Snare is a trap spell that will let set up a trap. Not a mushroom trap, but a snare trap.

If you want to use your traps for information however Alarm will let you ward an area so you know if someone passes through it. Or you can make the alarm loud so everyone knows!

For some poisoned darts Ray of Sickness lets you do... exactly that. Shoot posioned darts to poison your foes.

Finally to Move Quick take Longstrider, which increases your movement speed by 10.

You also get access to Arcane Recovery, allowing you to recover Spell Slots on a Short Rest equal to half your Wizard level rounded up (with some finer details please read the description of the ability that I’m too lazy to describe.) Teemo has a lot of supplies to survive in the wilderness, so it’s not surprising he packed more darts.

LEVEL 6 - WIZARD 2

Second level Wizards can choose their Arcane Tradition and I’m actually going to suggest a bit of a wild card here: go for the Bladesinging subclass. Yes it’s meant for Elves only but I have never met a single DM who enforced that rule.

Regardless as a Bladesinger you have Training in War and Song for Performance proficiency, Light Armor proficiency (which you already have), and proficiency in one type of one-handed melee weapon. (Scimitars are the only Finesse weapon you don’t have proficiency in as a Rogue so that’s basically your only option.)

But the main feature of the Bladesinger is of course their Bladesong. You can activate your Bladesong as a bonus action for 1 minute. During Bladesong your AC increases equal to your Intelligence modifier, your walking speed increases by 10 feet, you have advantage on Acrobatics checks, and you get a bonus to Concentration checks equal to your Intelligence modifier.

“But Teemo doesn’t use a sword!” I hear you say. Well Bladesong ends if you use two hands to make an attack but you know what doesn’t take two hands to shoot? Well for one Blowguns, but since Blowguns in 5e suck: Hand crossbows! Get a Hand Crossbow to supplement a blowgun, and boom you’re still a ranged character! Yeah much to my surprise Bladesinger doesn’t have any restriction on using ranged weapons: you just can’t use two hands to make an attack. Regardless you have two uses of Bladesong per short or long rest.

You can also add two more first level spells to your spellbook like Detect Magic and Identify to help you know what you find in the wild.

LEVEL 7 - WIZARD 3

Third level Wizards can learn second level spells like Blindness / Deafness for a blinding dart, and Invisibility for more Guerrilla Warfare.

LEVEL 8 - WIZARD 4

4th level Wizards get another Ability Score Improvement but you know what we don’t have enough of? Feats! Take the Crossbow Expert feat to ignore the loading property on crossbows, ignore melee range disadvantage with crossbows, and attack with a hand crossbow with your bonus action after making the attack action. Stinger attack speed’s gotta sting!

Additionally you can learn another two spells at this level along with a new cantrip! For your leveled spells grab Misty Step for Flash and Enlarge / Reduce, because size doesn’t mean everything. For your cantrip Mending will help you keep your scout equipment in check.

LEVEL 9 - WIZARD 5

At level 5 you can learn 3rd level spells. You know what we haven’t gotten yet? Mushrooms. For a very expensive trap Glyph of Warding will let you put down a near-invisible glyph in an area for a mere 200 gold and 1 hour of set-up time. You decide what triggers the glyph, be it something complicated or something simple like an enemy walking near it.

When the spell activates you can choose one of two effects: the simple solution is just to make it explode for 5d8 acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder damage. Alternatively you could store a spell of third level or lower into it, and have it target whoever activates the glyph or the area around them. I’d highly suggest reading Glyph of Warding over in full before using the spell. It’s a powerful spell but it’s costly and requires a lot of set up time.

But you know what’s a simple spell? Fireball. Weaponize your shrooms for a big explosion of damage.

LEVEL 10 - WIZARD 6

6th level Bladesingers get an Extra Attack! Yup: that’s it! Because you’re a fake Fighter. But yeah this is primarily why we took Crossbow Expert, so you can still attack twice with a crossbow.

Well, you can also add another two spells to your spellbook. To move incredibly Swiftly take Haste. Other than that you can truly grab whatever spell you want as there isn’t much else that’s truly “in character” for such a simple character as Teemo. My out-of-character suggestion is to take Mirror Image from second level for a great boost to survivability. The only thing more annoying than one Teemo is three Teemos.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 11 - ROGUE 5

Back to our swift scouting ways 5th level Rogues get Uncanny Dodge, letting them use their reaction to reduce the damage of an attack by half. Your Sneak Attack damage also increases to 3d6.

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills: Perception will let you make good use of your wards, and Deception will let you make good use of your mushrooms.

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 7

Isn’t Teemo really annoying and hard to kill? Well with Evasion he’ll be even harder to kill since he’ll take no damage on a successful Dexterity saving throw and only half damage if he fails. And your Sneak Attack increases to 4d6 too?!

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 8

8th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and you know: I don’t think we have enough Feats. Fade Away is a Gnome-specific feat that will let you get use out of your passive by turning invisible when you get hit as a reaction. You remain invisible until the end of your next turn or until you attack, deal damage, or force someone to make a saving throw. You can use this reaction once per short or long rest and it uses the same reaction as Uncanny Dodge, so use it wisely!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 15 - ROGUE 9

At 9th level your Scout training gives you Superior Mobility for 10 extra feet of movement speed. "Hut, two, three, four!" Your Sneak Attack damage also increases to 5d6.

LEVEL 16 - ROGUE 10

10th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement to help compensate for all the feats. Increase your Dexterity and Wisdom by 1 for even Ability Scores.

LEVEL 17 - ROGUE 11

11th level Rogues get Reliable Talent so any roll with a skill you’re proficient in can’t be below a 10. If you roll a 9 or lower it counts as a 10. Whenever I get this ability I like to do a tally of all the skills you have and what the lowest potential roll is, so...

26 in Acrobatics (with Advantage if in Bladesong)

26 in Stealth (with Advantage to hide in rocky areas)

25 in Nature

24 in Perception or Survival

22 in Deception

18 in Medicine

16 in Athletics

15 in Performance

And to top it off your Sneak Attack damage increases to 6d6.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 18 - ROGUE 12

12th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and as much as I want to take more Feats (believe me I do) let’s finally cap off that Dexterity score for the deadliest darts.

If you aren’t playing with Standard Array and want some more Feats here’s a few I could suggest:

Poisoner (Yeah duh)

Svirfneblin Magic (More blinds, among other things)

Alert (To always be ready for a fight)

Observant (A half feat to spot any incoming danger)

Tough (Just because you aren’t a tank doesn’t mean that Grasp of the Undying is a bad rune)

LEVEL 19 - ROGUE 13

With 13 levels in Scout you are an Ambush Master. You have advantage on initiative checks, and in addition the first creature you hit during the first round of a combat becomes easier to hit. Attack rolls against that target have advantage until the start of your next turn, because it’s pretty hard to defend yourself when blinded. "Smell that? That's fear." Your Sneak Attack also increases to 7d6.

LEVEL 20 - ROGUE 14

Your final level is the 14th level of Rogue for a 10 foot Blindsense, allowing you to sense any hidden or invisible creature near you. Clearly they only have camouflage.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Turns out I got a proficiency in killing - Up to three attacks per turn with a +11 to hit means it’s more than likely you’ll hit your 7d6 Sneak Attack. Not to mention the strength of Wizard spells, notably Fireball.

Wars are won with men, not machines - Rogues are skill monkies and it turns out you’re quite the asset outside of combat. Expertise in 6 skills, notably the ones to keep alive in the wilderness. And of course the ability to cast Ritual spells like Detect Magic and Identitfy.

Never underestimate the power of the Scout's code - So Teemo’s pretty annoying right? Well I didn’t realize he’d be so damn elusive! +11 to Dexterity saves with Evasion, 35 feet of movement, Advantage on all mental saves, insanely good stealth skills, reactions to get away from danger... And this isn’t even mentioning the benefits from being a Wizard! Bladesong lets you increase your AC by 3 (up to 20 if you’re wearing Studded Leather!) and increase your movement speed to 45... Oh and you can just turn invisible! As well as blind the enemy and speed yourself up.

CONS

Size is a liability - A few feats too many means not enough ability scores, yet somehow we don’t have enough feats for things like Poisoner. Perhaps reserve this build for when you can use Point Buy. Or at least ditch Skulker because you really don’t need it when you can, ya know... turn invisible?

You'd be surprised how quick fur ignites - Of course the lack of Ability Scores means that your Wizard DC isn’t fantastic. Granted most of your spells are utility but a lot of them require saves, and a lot more of them are rather weak. Poison damage is one of the worst damage types in the game and both your cantrips are poison, not to mention Ray of Sickness. Feel free to grab other spells as you see fit.

Lots to do before I punch out - Teemo is squishy in League and Wizard levels don’t help in D&D. Even with the +1 to CON you’ll likely have a little over 100 health by level 20, which easily puts you in Power Word Kill range. You’re elusive yes but a bit of bad luck and you’ll be six feet under.

But you’re not meant to be the strongest: you’re meant to be annoying. Hit-and-run, hide in the shadows, and whittle the enemy down before you win the war of attrition. You’re in it for the long-con, and not just the end game. You’re engaging in psychological warfare: tearing at your opponent’s mental state until nothing remains. You are a master of anger and temptation. You are a demon; a devil... Or you might just be a hamster with a blow gun.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[normalbeast-downformaintenance]

Solarpunk Action Week plans

get worms from my compost for friend’s compost

steal violet plants from inside of bush

make seed bombs with friends including @pansexualtrashcannot and @itsnotellen

guerilla garden with said friends

do moss graffiti with said friends

go cleaning trash with friend

go through some of the brands I use to see if there are more sustainable options

seed peppers

repair pants

sew pants

seed more plants

weed growing beds to prepare for the new season

patch the hole in my jacket pocket

plant out ranunculus flowers

research home mushroom farming