#murfy insisted

[ch4osm4ster]

Was looking throught my posts and oh my god?? I never posted this? I am so sorry, please take it before I forget about it again

[mintsuwu]

Rayman AU: Ales Mansay

It all started with the origins of the Glade of the Dreams and the beings that were being born through the dreams of Polokus, there were two kinds: Dreams and Nightmares. The seconds had caused some trouble in the Glade, scaring dreams. Despite this, the Muse of Poets, Polokus's wife, insisted that nightmares could also be the same as dreams. With her ability to read the future, the Muse unveiled a legendary prophecy: "When the world is destabilized, a limbless hero will be created in order to find stability and peace in the Glade of the Dreams."

Everyone believed in that legend. But Polokus stopped listening to the advice and proposals of his wife, since the nightmares were more and more rebellious and withdrawn from society by fear...and the Muse also began to distance herself. The Bubble Dreamer then thought that having children with his wife would make her happier. This is how the Teensies were born, but they turned out to be repulsive to her; not because of their appearance only, but because their main function was only to entertain. How was that going to help solve the problems in the Glade? Thus, frustrated, the Muse left with her helper, Moonlight (before he became Mr. Dark, some people also called him Mr.Light for short). They both retreated to a place where they couldn´t be found, and finally thought it would be time to make the prophecy come true: The Muse provided Mr.Light with the energy he needed (dark lums, as she thought it would be fair to have a nightmare to be the one who vindicated justice for his kind) and Dark thus created a limbless...Ales Mansay.

His main objective was to try to kidnap the fairies that took care of the different areas of the Glade, in order to catch Polokus under guard and end up making a pact with him, in which dreams and nightmares would be treated as equals. Unfortunately, the magician wasn´t able to fulfill his mission and was submitted to Polokus. He and the fairies called a meeting with Ales, trying to find out who his creator was. Besides not being able to understand them, since he didn´t share their language (I mentioned a while ago that the language of nightmares is Spanish), Ales couldn´t tell anyone about his creator. Then they thought of punishing him, but Betilla thought that Ales might be of help because of his power, as Mr.Light was before he left. So they took lums and modified Ales in such a way that he would have a less terrifying appearance and powers than originally, becoming a half dream-half nightmare being.

Here things were going well, Ales became Polokus' helper (instead of Murfy, who will occupy this position later) and little by little he got used to living with the dreams of the Glade. Regarding his relationship with the fairies, at first they didn´t want to interact much with him due to his previous actions, even Betilla still mistrusted him a bit. But eventually she ended up opening up to him and they became close friends. The magician was more and more useful: he helped those who were in need and taught the young as he could.

Regarding this, this is where Glombrox would come in (before being possessed by the Darktoon). When he met Ales, he was an adventurous teenager. The two of them started getting along quite well and went on adventures together for some time. However Ales ended up becoming Betilla´s helper instead of Polokus´, and the keeper of the Book of Knowledge, and couldn´t devote as much time to these things as before, so he and Glombrox distanced a bit. However, the youngest understood it and he was improving as a hero of his kind, also trying to take his little brother, Globox, to help him.

Polokus, in the meantime, ended up falling to the conclusion that Ales must have been the hero of the Muse´s prophecy. However, after what Ales did before, and how unstable his energy was (remember that Ales is made of dark lums and lums, and the predominance of each of these depends on his mood) he thought that it wouldn´t be a good idea that he was the hero of the Glade of Dreams. This is how he asked the fairies to deliver special lums to Betilla, so that she would be in charge of creating a new hero, since she was the oldest and most powerful of them. The truth is that Rayman was going to be like a double for Ales, but with more powers; however Betilla made a mistake in the creation process and instead of being created as an adult directly, Rayman was created as a child who had to be taught and had to mature. Ales wasn´t bothered by this, in fact the presence of Rayman made him quite happy and he tried to always be there for him as much as he could, being practically a parental figure to Ray.

A few years later, the events of Rayman 1 occurred, the little limbless was able to defeat him and Mr. Dark disappeared after that. Everything returned to normal, and also the nightmares were locked in the Cave of Bad Dreams by Ales, who did this by order of Polokus and was considered a traitor by Jano and the rest of his kind. After this Ales began to worry: Before he fought for himself, but now he should not do it since Rayman had proven to be a better hero than him, but he felt incapable of protecting his loved ones (as when Mr. Dark kidnapped Betilla). He also began to feel guilty for hiding the fact that Mr. Dark was his creator and was afraid that everyone would reject him when they discovered the truth. These negative sensations caused the dark lums to begin to manifest more, changing the energy of the magician. This power problem could be solved with more lums, but he was afraid to ask Polokus for them in case he sounded selfish, and he didn't want to worry anyone; so he had to just fake his happiness.

There was a moment when Betilla noticed that something was wrong with her friend, so one day she went to visit him at his house to ask him about it, however Ales denied everything, indicating that he was fine, but knew those were lies. She insisted and Ales finally confessed his concerns and the truth about his connection to Dark, and that he feared to be sent to the cave because of his origin. Betilla was in shock, but she knew that he wasn´t like his creator and tried to calm him by saying that she would talk to Polokus to clarify things, to which Ales panicked, indicating that the god would never forgive him and that he knew that he had created to Rayman to replace him. So the fairy tried to reason with him, but they ended up arguing and the magician ran away to a very distant place, where there was no one. Once he calmed down, he realized that Betilla was right, and that he should return with the rest. However, he didn´t know where he was or how to return, that added to the fact that he was exhausted... Then a voice began to speak to him, and he thought that perhaps it was his imagination, but it turned out to be a Teensie that was prowling around. Seeing Ales, he offered him to stay at his home until he felt more revitalized.

So they went to the Teensie´s house and at first everything seemed very safe, but...when Ales entered what was going to be his room, the Teensie locked him up, revealing that he was actually a follower of Mr. Dark and that having been able to catch him, the villain would grant him the powers he needed to conquer the Glade. The evil Teensie bewitched Ales, in such a way that he took his voice (like Ursula to Ariel in the Little Mermaid) and was locked inside his own hat, which the Teensie would always carry with him to use his powers. And so that no one would suspect, the Teensie claimed to be Ales Mansay so that no one would remember the original magician.

From the disappearance of Ales, Betilla began to look for him everywhere. She felt guilty since, she should have supported him but did the opposite instead. She even tried to deny it, but until Polokus confirmed her beliefs, the fairy did not have the courage to tell poor Rayman the truth. Although Glombrox also helped in the search; He left his home and tried to find Ales on his own, but he ended up being possessed by a Darktoon and was never able to complete his mission.

After many, many years (after the events of Rayman 2 and 3), the Teensie tried to conquer the Glade of Dreams thanks to its inventions and the powers of Ales. He even managed to catch Raymesis after he escaped from the Cave of the Bad Dreams, putting him under his control. Raymesis was fighting Rayman not by will, but by the orders of the Teensie, and was aware of Ales's state. Once he even tried to free him and escape with him, but he failed and only he could escape. Luckily later he ended up allying with Rayman and they managed to defeat the Teensie once and for all (this is all even after the events of Rayman Legends). So the limbless asked Polokus for help and he was able to free Ales from his curse. The magician, however, left again once he was released due to the great regret he felt, because he felt responsible for all the evil that his impostor had caused. But Rayman went looking for him and tried to reason with him, indicating the effort and hope that everyone had put to find him, and that everyone was going to forgive him.

So Ales returned to his old life, even more happily. He was able to resolve things with everyone (especially with Betilla, and they ended up having a closer relationship) and he was able to live without torment. Of course, it was so many years in its original form (the nightmare one) that the hair ended up being mostly blue, but it still had traces of blonde and its skin did return to being flesh-colored thanks to the lums.

[krizaland]

Rayman Land of Darkness: Chapter 7:  The stolen treasure!

First  Previous

As she lead the group, Marina was told of how Celeste was captured by The Magician.

“That’s awful! Don’t worry! I’m more than happy to help! In fact, I can come up on land if you want!” Marina offered.

“I appreciate the gesture and all but I don’t think you dropping on the deck and flopping like a fish is gonna save Celeste.” Murfy chuckled.

“Don’t worry! I’ve got a magic gem that allows me to walk on land! See?”

Marina popped open her locket and gasped.

Her gem was missing

“Oh crabs! You’ve gotta be kidding me! Those creeps must’ve taken my gem!” Marina yelped as she put her hands on her hips.  “Looks like I’m gonna have to get it back later. Right now, I’m gonna focus on helping you guys.”

“We can help you get your gem back!” Rayman offered

“Are you sure? I don’t want to ask too much of you guys.”

“Of course! We’ll find your gem in no time!” Rayman insisted.

“Yes! I’m the best at finding things! The other day I found dirt in my bellybutton!” Globox chimed in as he waved excitedly.

Marina grimaced at Globox’s comment but turned back to Rayman.

“Well in that case, You’re more than welcome to help me look!”

And with that, the group set off to search for Marina’s gem!

They searched the highest parts of the reef and they searched the lowest parts.

They plowed through Darktoons and helped patch each other’s wounds!

As the search continued, Rayman and Marina found themselves enjoying each other’s company more and more.

From a similar sense of humor to enjoying similar music, Rayman and Marina quickly became the best of friends.

Rayman was having so much fun with Marina that for a moment, he had forgotten all about Celeste.

Meanwhile, The Magician had finally set up his rather simple trap.

He dangled Celeste’s cage over a pit filled with vicious  Darktoons and boiling lava.

“There! This ought to take care of that pesky Rayman!” The Magician chuckled as he wiped away a few beads of sweat.

Celeste was far from impressed. She rolled her eyes and huffed,

“Really? This is the best you could do?”

“Hey! It was all I could think of on such short notice ok?! I didn’t even want to use you as bait but Mr. Dark would have both of our souls if I didn’t! Besides! You don’t even like him back! Once he’s gone it’ll be just you and me!” The Magician ranted as he sat on the other side of the pit.

“That’s not true! Just because I don’t love him as a boyfriend doesn’t mean I don’t consider him my best friend! Rayman still means a lot to me! I would be devastated if anything happened to him!” Celeste snarled as she shot The Magician a glare.

“Sweetheart, Your friendship with him was over the moment he said he loved you. There’s no coming back from a confession like that!”

Celeste’s face fell as she felt her heart drop into her stomach again.

“Hey now! Don’t look so glum! At least you won’t be the one having to shatter his dreams!” The Magician continued with a chuckle.

In that moment, all of Celeste’s pent up, anxiety, anger, embarrassment, and guilt burst like a can of soda rolling around in a hot car.

She burst into tears and wailed loudly.

This was all her fault! If she hadn’t wanted to find that stupid Book of Dreams so badly then none of this would have happened!

Rayman would’ve been safe and sound back at The Glade of Dreams and she could find a different way to complete her thesis.

“Hey! Hey! Calm down now!”

The sound of The Magician’s concerned voice jolted Celeste from her thoughts for a moment.

The Magician jumped up onto Celeste’s cage,

“it’s gonna be alright! You’ll never have to see Rayman ever again!”

The Magician’s words only made Celeste wail harder.

Soon, Celeste’s tears started to pour into the pit of lava; causing a few parts of the lava to harden into hard, rock like platforms.

“Oh dear! Oh dear! Sweetheart you need to stop crying! Your tears are hardening the lava!” The Magician pleaded as he clung to her cage.

Celeste simply continued to cry; much to The Magician’s panic.

“Ok new plan”

And with that, The Magician frantically tried to cheer up Celeste.

He tried everything! From magic tricks to dark jokes but no dice!

But no matter how hard he tried The Magician just couldn’t console Celeste!

“Alright! I didn’t want to have to do this but you leave me no choice!”

The Magician wiggled his fingers.

POOF!

With a puff of purple smoke, Celeste was put into a deep sleep.

“There. Maybe you’ll feel better after your nap!”

While The Magician put Celeste to sleep, his coat pocket trembled a bit.

POP!

Out came Celeste’s hands and feet!

They jumped out of The Magician’s coat pocket, jumped onto one of the platforms, and rushed off to find Rayman.

Meanwhile, Rayman, Marina, Murfy, and Globox had stumbled across a hidden cave.

The ground shook with a thunderous snore.

Everyone looked up and discovered, a massive kraken-like Darktoon!

Tucked away in one of its tentacles was Marina’s gem!

“Looks like we’ve found the gem.” Murfy noted.

“Guys, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. I don’t want you guys getting hurt because of me.” Marina whispered frantically.

“Don’t worry! We’ve faced way worse than this right guys?” Rayman replied.

“Right!!” Globox sang as he bounced around excitedly.

Unfortunately, Globox’s screaming had awoken the Darktoon.

With a thunderous roar, the Darktoon charged at the group.

“Well I don’t think we don’t have a choice now!” Murfy squeaked as he got ready for battle.

FWIP!!

A massive tentacle whipped out and snatched up Rayman!

“Don’t worry, Rayman! I’m coming!” Marina called out as she swam towards the Darktoon

POW!

SMACK!

The Darktoon let out a pained roar as Marina pounded its tentacle.

POP!

It wasn’t long before Rayman was able to free himself.

“Thanks Marina!”

“No problem! Now let’s turn this creep into fish paste!”

And with that, Rayman and Marina prepared for battle with the rest of the group joining in.

Tentacles were smashed and eyeballs were punched!

Weak spots were popped and teeth were sent flying across the cave!

The Darktoon let out one last pained roar, revealing a massive weak spot on its tongue.

Marina held open the Darktoon’s mouth while Rayman charged up the final blow.

POW!!

The Darktoon was sent flying out of the cave before popping like a balloon.

TINK!

Finally free from the Darktoon’s grasp, Marina’s gem plopped onto the ground.

Next

[sethmurfie-blog]

CALEB’S SLEEP-DEPRAVITY - [Jan. 19]

WELL LAST NIGHT I WAS AT A PARTY AND YUP, THE JURY'S IN, I FUCKED MYSELF.

IT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE INCREDIBLY MASSIVE INCIDENTS HAPPEN AROUND THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY ON A YEARLY BASIS, ALTHOUGH THIS IS ODD BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING SIGNIFICANT ABOUT THAT TIME OF YEAR TO ME OR ANYONE I'VE EVEN KNOWN. WELL REGARDLESS, THIS PARTY WAS OFF THE CHAIN AND BY OFF THE CHAIN I MEAN THE CHAINS OF SLAVES, I FELT BOUND AND GAGGED BY THE INSUFFERABLE GUEST- COUNT OF PEOPLE CALEB HAD INVITED TO OUR HUMBLE ABODE, AND THE OTHER ISSUE IS THAT IT'S OUR FUCKING ABODE. CALEB DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE COURTESY TO WARN ME THAT HE'D BE HAVING A "START OF THE SEMESTER GALA" AT OUR HOUSE, I WAS JUST HANGING TOWELS IN MY REFRIGERATOR WHEN SUDDENLY A MASS OF PEOPLE JUST BURST IN AND ALL OF THEM WERE CARNIVAL-COUNTING FREAKS, PLUS THERE WERE MASSES OF HYSTERICAL BUTLERS, THAT'S RIGHT CALEB HIRED SERVANTS TO GIVE PEOPLE DOG MASSAGES JUST LIKE HIS AWFUL DOG FESTIVAL FROM OVER A YEAR AGO, AND ULTIMATELY THIS IS UNNERVING AS OUR FAMILY DOES NOT HAVE INCREDIBLE SUMS OF AZTEC GOLD, BUT IT'S REALLY JUST CALEB, OUR MOM, AND MYSELF BUT REGARDLESS THE PARTY GOT COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL BY ABOUT TEN MINTUES IN AS ALL OF THE GUESTS STARTED MOVING THEIR BODIES IN RHYTHM TO SOME SONG THAT WASN'T THE CHICKEN DANCE AND I WAS IN COMPLETE SHOCK,

WHEN I ASKED CALEB WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON AS I WAS TRYING TO PRACTICE MY HIRAGANA, HE TOLD ME "it's just dancing bro, relax" AND I NEARLY FLIPPED THE SCRIPT AND PRESSED CALEB UP AGAINST THE LIQUOR BOTTLES HE'D PUT EVERYWHERE AND ASKED WHY I NEED TO CALM DOWN WHEN HE'S THE ONE WEARING AVIATOR SHADES AND TRYING TO TELL EVERY FEMALE THERE THAT HE'S THE DOG MASTER, CALEB YOU ARE NOT THE FUCKING DOG MASTER YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP YOUR OWN DOG ALIVE, OH THAT'S RIGHT I SHOULD'VE MENTIONED CALEB'S DOG PASSED BUT LISTEN CALEB HIMSELF HAD TOLD ME MONTHS AGO, WHEN IT HAPPENED, THAT HE WAS FINE AND HE DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT AND THAT HE WAS "going to cut old habits now" AND PROVE THAT HE "can find comfort in new places", AND HE WAS SCREAMING THIS DOWN THE HALL AS IF HE WANTED SOMEONE ELSE IN OUR HOUSE TO HEAR BUT IT WAS JUST ME, HIM, AND OUR MOM IN THE HOUSEHOLD SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT, BUT ANYWAY LAST NIGHT CALEB KEPT INSISTING "i'm fine, dude" AND "why are you making such a big deal about people stepping on the crayons you use for your physics homework, it's a party, just fucking chill."

BUT THE JOKE'S ON HIM BECAUSE I ENDED UP GETTING SPRAYED SO I GUESS THE REAL PHRASE WOULD BE THE JOKE'S ON ME, AND THIS IS HOW I'D SAY I FUCKED MYSELF, BECAUSE YES AT SOME POINT SEVERAL PEOPLE WERE SPRAYING WHIP CREAM MERCILESSLY AND SOME OF IT GOT ON MY COAT AND BALLS AND THAT WAS FINE SO I DID NOT ORDER THEM TO IMMEDIATELY CEASE, BUT THEN SOME OF IT GOT ON THE MAIN SHELF WHERE SITS SOME STUFF LIKE CRUMPLED BILLS, PAPER, KNICK KNACKS, AND THE BOTTLE SO I NEARLY WENT INTO A TAZMANIAN DEVIL HOWL WHEN CALEB STARTED A CHANT GOING "i'm! not! sad!" SO ANYWAY I JUST SULKED OFF TO GO BATHE IN WASTE, BUT REGARDLESS AFTER I CAME DOWN IN MY DRIPPING TOWEL I SAW SOMETHING BIZARRE THAT DIDN'T REALLY FIT WITH ANYTHING ELSE—AND IT MAKES ME THINK THAT CALEB WAS IN FACT EXTREMELY SLEEP-DEPRIVED.

THIS IS BECAUSE WHEN I CAME DOWN ALL THE GUESTS HAD CLEARED OUT, THE HOUSE WAS BASICALLY EMPTY, AND THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS THAT THE BUTLERS HAD STRUNG ALONG THE KITCHEN WERE ONLY HALF TAKEN DOWN, JUST HANGING IN A SORT OF SLOPE FROM CEILING TO FLOOR. AND CALEB WAS JUST SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN FLOOR IN THE DARK WITH ONLY THE MULTI-COLORED CHRISMTAS LIGHTS AROUND HIM AND THE SPEAKERS PLAYING SOME ENIGMATIC PIANO THING. AND WHEN I SAW HE STILL HAD HIS AVIATOR SHADES ON I SAID "ALRIGHT LISTEN YOU LITTLE RUNT OF A RAMPAGING ROCK-A-THON, IT'S EXTREMELY OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU'VE BEEN SLEEP-DEPRIVED SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS LITTLE AFFAIR AND THAT YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY PUT YOU AND YOURSELF TO REST AND THAT'S WHY YOU'VE HAD SHADES ON THIS ENTIRE UNSPEAKABLE NIGHT." AND CALEB LOOKED UP AT ME, PROCESSING WHAT I'D SAID, AND HE JUST STARTED LAUGHING -- BUT A WARM, FRIENDLY LAUGH. A RELIEVED LAUGH. "seth,” HE SAID, "you never know what's up, but that's why i love you."

AND AS HE LAUGHED, IT GOT CONTAGIOUS, AND I FOUND MYSELF LAUGHING TOO AS I OPENED THE FRIDGE AND WRAPPED A NICE COLD SECOND LAYER OF TOWEL ABOUT ME, AND AS I CLOSED THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR WE JUST WERE THERE IN THE DARK CHRISTMAS- LIGHT KITCHEN LAUGHING AND THEN SUDDENLY GIGGLING AND GUFFAWING, CALEB NEARLY FALLING BACK AND KNOCKING HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR BEFORE HE CAUGHT HIMSELF WITH HIS HAND.

IT WAS A GOOD EIGHT MINUTES OF US JUST LAUGHING, NOT SPEAKING BUT BOTH FEELING SOME KIND OF PRESSURE COME OFF US, IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

BUT ANYWAY MY BROTHER SAW SOME PERSON AT THE PARTY TALKING ABOUT MASQUERADE BALLS SO NOW HE'S DESPARATE TO GO TO A MASQUERADE BALL, AND I CAN ONLY HOPE I'M NOT PRESSED UNCEASINGLY INTO THIS SON-OF-PRANKENSTEIN FRIGHTMARE BUT REGARDLESS I'LL JUST BE TRYING TO SURVIVE THIS LAST SEMESTER OF SCHOOL-RELATED OFFSETS. WISH ME LUCK, THOUGH YOU KNOW I DON'T NEED IT COCKSICKERS. AND NEITHER DOES CALEB. HE JUST NEEDS MORE SLEEP, AND THIS IS SOMETHING I AM INDUBIOUSLY AND EMPHATICALLY FAMILIAR WITH.

-LOVE SETH MURFIE

[badxsshottiexllie]

@spoocys-glade-of-dreams

"Are you sure about that Rayman? I mean, its no trouble at all if I pay for my own stuff. But...if you insist on covering my tuxedo and glasses then I guess I can't stop you. I sneakingly paid for your drink the first time we met so you can do this for me. Now we can say that were even." The woman smiled at his kind gesture. He was right, this wardrobe could come in handy in the future.

"Crap, I totally forgot about those damn bodyguards of his. Then again, I didn't expect this to be a walk in the park. So if he sends his bodyguards after me, it'll essentially be a two on one fight." Ellie put her hand on her chin, trying to calculate how she could very well take down the duo while being outnumbered.

"It would be a matter of getting the timing right between dodging and getting a couple of hits in. But if I grab one of their arms and essentially tossed one into the other I could very well knock them both out at the same time. Even if it'll buy me some time...." Murfy then brought up the fact that there was the possibility of getting attacked outside of the club. Which is something she remembered Rayman telling her from before.

"Somehow I had a feeling that would be the case. This isn't going to be some one and done deal. Even if things do go peacefully, whose to say something won't happen once we leave the club? We have to make sure were prepared for anything, even if things seem like their going in our favor."

*Murfy shrugged a little when the topic of Hoyt's base was brought up. He had a smirk on his face. - "Taking this to Hoyt's base of operations is suicide. I may be bold but I ain't that bold." - Murfy listened to Ellie's points. He made mention that it's better for them if she could disarm Hoyt without having to draw a weapon out herself, but if push comes to shove, try beat him at his own game to keep Rayman and Mona safe. Rayman then chimed in next when the mention of purchasing attire came up-

"Allow me to cover the cost of the tuxedo and the glasses. I'm going to be purchasing these, not renting. Who knows when the outfit may come in use later. Yes. Hoyt is rather fond of the V.I.P section. I also have access. I want you beside me, if Hoyt will allow for it. He usually has a body guard on each side of him."

"Hoyt will try to use his bodyguards if he engages in fights." - Murfy chimed in - "He'll only get his own hands dirty if he's personally insulted. At least while the club has eyes on him. When he's outside of the club? He'll try to shank you in a dark alleyway. Even if it looks like the coast is clear, when we leave the club you'll need to keep your eyes out and stay alert."

[mintsuwu]

So when and how did Mr. Dark go down the spiral to villainy? And how did The Muse react when that happened?

Oooh boy this is going to be fun! I will directly explain the whole story I had thought for Mr. Dark up to now.

Very early in the origins of the Glade of the Dreams, there were already certain beings that inhabited it, but the nightmares had already begun to be born. In fact, Jano was already the leader of the nightmares, but at this time they had not been exiled to the cave and lived with the dreams, and that was somewhat problematic and even conflicting at times. Polokus was certainly worried about this but the Muse insisted that she was sure that there would come a point where dreams and nightmares could coexist in harmony thanks to a hero (basically the legend that I always mentioned).

Mr. Dark was born as a nightmare, but you could say that he was like a nightmare version of fairies like Betilla (that's why they look a bit alike). He met the Muse and became her helper, and also the Guardian of the Moons and the Great Protoon before Betilla.

The two had an especially close relationship, and Polokus grew jealous of Dark little by little, causing the god to become more against supporting the nightmares. His wife begged him to give them chances but he flatly refused, Dark was actually more supportive of the Muse in this regard than her own husband.

Polokus then thought that having children would improve their relationship, and promised the Muse that they would be beings that could help improve the differences of beings in the Glade, and she was very happy. But her surprise was that not only were they not to her liking, but Polokus also ended up confessing that their main role would be to "entertain" only (they learned magic later on). She then exploded in anger, accusing her husband of being a selfish man who did not want to look for equality in the Glade. Then she fled away with Dark to a place where they could not be found (they kind of had an affair-)

They tried to help the nightmares as much as they could on their own (in fact, dreams support Polokus, and nightmares support the Muse). And after a while, when the discrimination increased, they thought it would be time for the legend to come true. So that her intentions would not be known directly, the Muse asked Mr. Dark to create the hero...and no, it wasn't Rayman...it was Ales. This mage was created with the aim of trying to catch the fairies, in order to convince the god to be more benevolent with nightmares. Unfortunately Ales failed and joined Polokus, being his assistant (Murfy would occupy his place later) since he refused to accept a nightmare like him to be the hero of the legend told by his wife.

The dreams were having absolute control over the Glade, and the Muse's actions were no longer helping as much as before. Dark began to feel disappointed and angry at the oppression that nightmares were experiencing, and despite the her insisting on being peaceful, he stopped listening to her and decided to conquer the Glade of the Dreams in his own way, establishing a reign of darkness in wich nightmares would rule (basically the events of Rayman 1). He also had created Raymesis (I see Bad Rayman and him as the same character) to destroy Rayman. After Dark's defeat, he died and asked Jano before to take care of Raymesis for him. Polokus then took the chance and ordered Ales to seal the nightmares into the Cave of the Bad Dreams (the Magician didn't want to do it, but the nightmares still see him as a traitor).

As for the Muse, she was very saddened by Dark's change. And she felt as if her heart had been broken when she learned of his death...

Could Rayman, the new hero, fulfill the will that the Muse so desired?

[krizaland]

Rayman: Land of Darkness Chapter 3: A heart-wrenching realization!

First Chapter  Previous

Chapter 3 is here and things just got spicy!

Celeste tried her best to act as if nothing happened as the journey continued.

However, her mind refused to let her forget.

Celeste still couldn’t wrap her head around it! How could Rayman have fallen in love with her?!

Sure they were close friends but she never felt that way about him!

Not to mention they hadn’t seen each other in ages! How could Rayman fall in love with her if she wasn’t around to strengthen her bond with him?!

Unless:

Rayman had fallen in love with her long before they parted ways.

Celeste felt like her stomach was in knots!  While she cared deeply for Rayman, Celeste saw him as a brother at most. The mere thought of being his girlfriend made her sick to her stomach!

To make matters worse, everyone else seemed to think that and Rayman were already a couple no matter how many times she corrected them.

It was then Celeste came to a heartbreaking realization:

She would have to tell Rayman she didn’t return his feelings.

Celeste felt her heart sink.

Poor Rayman would be devastated if he knew the truth!

She couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her best friend in such an awful way! But Celeste couldn’t lead him on either!

Celeste just wanted to run back home and never come back.

However, she had come too far to give up now! The Book of Dreams was so close she could taste it!

As much as it pained her to admit it, Celeste knew she had to tell Rayman the truth.

The faster she ripped off this band-aid the faster Rayman could heal from the heartbreak.

However, Celeste had a feeling now wasn’t the time to reject him.

Not only were Murfy and Globox there to witness the tragedy, but there were thousands upon thousands of Darktoons ahead.

She couldn’t risk Rayman losing motivation to fight on due to a broken heart!

He could get terribly hurt! Or be rendered unable to protect The Glade of Dreams!

Celeste felt like the biggest piece of trash on the planet!

She had no choice but to shatter her best friend’s heart and potentially destroy their friendship.

Celeste started to wish that this was all just a terrible nightmare that she would wake up from at any moment.

However, the bruises left by the Darktoons reminded her of the bitter truth:

This was no dream. She was wide awake and needed take action before it was too late.

“Celeste? Are you ok?”

The sound of Rayman’s concerned voice jolted Celeste from her thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah I’m fine it’s just....I can’t stop thinking about the Darktoons is all. I mean who knows where they’re all coming from?”

Celeste knew that wasn’t too far from the truth, she was curious about the Darktoons.

“If I had to guess, I’d say from the realm of the Livid Dead.” Murfy responded casually.

“Realm of the Livid Dead?! Rayman! Don’t tell me we have to go back to that scary place again!” Globox whimpered with a shudder.

“With this many Darktoons running around I don’t think we have much of a choice.” Rayman responded somberly.

Celeste’s eyes nearly popped out of her head!

“Wait! You’ve been to the realm of the Livid Dead and survived?!”

Rayman immediately perked up and boasted.

“Of course I did! Those undead monsters were no match for me! In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all scared of me now!”

“Really?! Thats amazing, Rayman! If that’s the case, then we should be able to put a stop to these Darktoons in no time time!” Celeste cheered.

“Woah! Woah! Woah! We? Sorry Celeste but I am not gonna let you go anywhere near the Realm of The Livd Dead! There is no way I’m going to let you get hurt! Globox and I will handle it!” Rayman insisted firmly.

“Rayman, you do realize I am more than capable of defending myself right?” Celeste reminded.

“I know that! But the realm of the Livid Dead is extremely dangerous! I don’t wanna lose you, Celeste! I love you.”

Rayman let out a yelp and clamped a hand over his mouth. His face burned red as his mind processed what he just said.

Celeste wasn’t sure if she wanted to scream or vomit! She wasn’t expecting Rayman to say that so soon!

“I knew it! I knew you two had the hots for each other!”

The sound of Murfy’s teasing snapped Celeste back to reality.

“Murfy! Friends can tell each other they love them platonically you know-“

“No. Murfy’s right.” Rayman looked down at his feet a moment before taking in a deep breath.

Rayman looked back up and gently took Celeste’s hands in his.

“I was gonna wait for the right time but I can’t hide it anymore. Celeste, I do love you, in a more than friends way. I’ve been in love with you for years but never had the guts to tell you until now.”

Celeste felt her heart drop into her stomach.

From his glowing pink face to the way he gently held her hands, it was obvious Rayman was being serious about this.

A few tears trickled down her cheeks as Celeste searched for the right words to say.

“Rayman....I”

Rayman’s eyes sparkled a bit as his heart fluttered in his chest.

“I...”

“Love you too. Your line is “I love you too.” C’mon tootse enough with the theatrics and just spit it out already!” Murfy interjected as he folded his arms.

“Murfy! Don’t be rude! She’s probably been hiding her true feelings for a while now!” Globox chided before turning back to Celeste, “it’s ok, take as much time as you need.”

Celeste felt like everyone’s eyes were on her.

More tears spilled down her cheeks as she swallowed thickly.

What was she going to do?

She couldn’t break Rayman’s heart but she couldn’t lie to him either!

Celeste tried to speak but no words came out. All she could do was whimper as she struggled to think of a way out.

Next

[sethmurfie-blog]

POETRY - [Feb. 4]

I HAVE TO SAY I’M GENUINELY SHOCKED THAT PORRIDGE AGREED TO MEET UP WITH ME, AND STILL I HAVE NO EXPLANATION AS TO WHY SHE’S NOT RESIDING IN MACARONI JAPAN, BUT THINGS COULD TAKE A TURN FOR THE GOOD WHEN WE MEET AND I GET MY ELABORATION, HOWEVER I OUGHTA MENTION THAT AS SHE WAS GETTING SOME ICE FROM THE SANDWICH COUNTER SO I COULD GET SOME ON MY WOUNDS, PORRIDGE DID ASK ME TO KEEP QUIET ABOUT THE MEET-UP PLUS, IN ANSWERING MY QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT SORT OF HOBBIES OR NEANDERTHALS SHE’S INVIGORATING THESE DAYS, SHE CHEERED UP A BIT THEN MENTIONED SHE’S INTO ACROSTIC POETRY NOW. WELL UPON HER EXPLAINING WHAT IT IS I IMMEDIATELY HOPPED, THIS IS WHEN I GRABBED A PIECE OF NAPKIN AND A PEN TO GIVE THE THING A GO MYSELF. AFTER SHOWING HER MY WORK, SHE SAID, “That’s—more like a phrase spelled vertically.” SHE SMILED A BIT AND ROLLED HER EYES. “You’re supposed to like, huh-huh, write a line next to each letter.”

I ASKED HER HOW SHE COULDN’T BE EMBRYONICALLY THRILLED WITH THE PHRASE “CRUMPY THE CLUMP” WRITTEN VERTICALLY ON A NAPKIN—SO LIKE THIS:

C

R

U

M

P

Y

T

H

E

F

R

U

M

P

—BUT SHE SAID, “Well, okay, then in lowercase letters write a line next to each capital,” BUT AS SOON AS SHE MENTIONED LOWERCASE LETTERS HONESTLY MY INNER-CORTEX JUST WENT UTTERLY BLANK. THOUGH, I INSISTED THAT I THINK I PRETTY MUCH GOT IT, YET SHE SAID THAT I STILL DIDN’T HAVE IT THOUGH PORRIDGE IS, AFTER ALL, A HUM-SUCKING SLAT-MARAUDER PLUS I WOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH, AND AFTER THE EMPLOYEE WHO’D JUST BEAT ME UP SCREAMED THAT I NEED TO EVACUATE POST-HASTE, I HIGH-TAILED IT OUT OF THAT PIT-STAIN AND ANYWAY I NEED TO EMPHASIZE THAT NONE OF THIS MATTERS TO ME, PORRIDGE’S CURSE IS PRETTY MUCH LIFTED, AND I MEAN BASICALLY, AND PORRIDGE IS STILL JUST SOME CHICK REGARDLESS, IT OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T MATTER TO ME THAT SHE’S AGREED TO HAVE COFFEE WITH ME JUST ME AND HER ONE-ON-ONE, WELL ANYWAY WHATEVER ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED SIDEPOINT I GUESS IF I HONESTLY HAD TO MAKE ONE OF THOSE ACROSTIC PROEMS EXPRESSING HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW, AND DON’T OVER-INTERPRET IT, HONESTLY I’M NOT VERY ECSTATIC, I GUESS THE POEM REPRESENTING MY FEELINGS AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME WOULD PROBABLY LOOK SOMETHING, WHATEVER, LIKE THIS, NOT THAT IT’S A BIG DEAL:

F

U

C

K

Y

E

S

-LOVE SETH MURFIE

[sethmurfie-blog]

WITCH IS HERE - [Feb. 2]

WE KEPT JUST STANDING THERE LIKE THAT FOR A FULL EIGHTEEN MINUTES, BUT REALLY I'D SAY EIGHTY SECONDS BECAUSE BEFORE I KNEW IT I HEARD A PHONE START TO RING, AND PORRIDGE ANSWERED HER CELL BY SAYING, "Hello?" AND I IMAGINE THAT BY THE TIME SHE LOOKED UP, I WAS ALREADY GONE.

WELL THIS IS GREAT I'M REALLY COMPLETELY PLEASED BECAUSE IT'S AN UNBELIEVABLE SURPRISE THAT PORRIDGE WOULD BE HERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WHEN I PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS ON THE ISLANDS OF TERRIYAKI JAPAN. AND IN FACT I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT, I COULDN'T BE MORE ASTOUNDED AT THE IMPERTURBABLE FACT THAT PORRIDGE IS HERE WHEN OF COURSE AS EVERYONE REMEMBERS SHE LIFTED THAT CURSE WITH A FUCKING BOTTLE. I MEAN, I WOULND'T SAY IT'S "WORKED" PER SEI, BUT I'M THE FAVORITE FOUNDER OF THE BIG BOYS FOR BALLING BOAT, A SHIP WHICH DOESN'T EXIST BUT WHERE I CAN SAIL AWAY FROM ALL MY AWFUL GRIPES.

UNFORTUNATELY THIS BOAT IS CAPTAIN-FREE, AND MY LIFE IS CURRENTLY ON A TRAJECTORY FOR UPWARD SPIRAL, THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN WITH MY VARIOUS MALAPROPISMS I'M STILL AN INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL BOT, AND THE MOMENT I GRADUATE THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO BUILD ROCKET SHIPS FOR THE POOR. YES MY GENEROSITY CANNOT EVEN BE VAGUELY MATCHED, BUT AN ISSUE THAT DOESN'T STOP BOTHERING ME IS THAT THERE'S SOME KIND OF MASQUERADE BALL AND CALEB IS INTERESTED IN SEEING IF HE CAN SNEAK HIS METAL-DETECTOR-WITH-A-DOG-COLLAR INTO IT BY WAY OF MASKED DECEPTION, EVEN THOUGH I KEEP INSISTING "CALEB YOUR DETECTOR IS NOT GOING TO DANCE WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE WHICH BY THE WAY YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS" BUT HE CONTINUOUSLY INSISTS THAT HIS MACHINE IS A NATURAL POON-PERUSER AND SHALL RADAR HIM THE NEAREST MADÁME IN A MERE MATTER OF SNIFFS.

ANYWAY FEBRUARY HAS FINALLY BEGUN, AND I HAVE TO FIND OUT WHY PORRIDGE HAS MADE HER WAY ACROSS THE BOAT AND TO THE CAPTAIN'S CROOK. RESEARCH IS INITIATED.

ALSO I WANT TO MENTION THE OTHER DAY I SAW A STOP-MOTION SHOW WITH A PENGUIN IN IT AND I NEARLY VOMITED.

GOOD LUCK AND HAVE A BAD DAY,

-LOVE SETH MURFIE

[sethmurfie-blog]

UM WHOOPS - [Feb. 1]

I JUST WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT I'M NOT POSTING BECAUSE I HAVE TO, BUT BECAUSE SOMETHING THAT WOULDN'T'VE BEEN EXPECTED HAS RECENTLY OCCURRED. AND IT STARTED AT COFFEE ROYALE.

SO I WAS STRUMMING ON MY UKELE PUTTING ON A MASS-HYSTERIA BALLS-TO-THE-WALL CYRANO-DE-SPLURGERAC PERFORMANCE FOR THE THOUSAND BILLION CUSTOMERS THERE WHEN I REALIZE THERE ARE ONLY FOUR AND MY UKELE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATE, WELL AFTER WIPING THE CHOCOLATE OFF MY ASS AND INSISTING TO THE MANAGER THAT I DON'T HAVE TO "LEAVE IMMEDIATELY" I SNORT A DRINK OF COFFEE AND START HOLLERING THAT I AM THE CHOCOLELE PRINCE, BUT THIS DOESN'T WORK SO I'M FIRED, RIGHT I SHOULD'VE MENTIONED I WAS WORKING THERE AS AN EMPLOYEE AND IT SEEMS THAT APPARENTLY THIS WAS NOT APPRECIATED IN ANY VAGUE SENSE OR FORM. BUT ANYWAY I'M DEJECTEDLY STROLLING TO THE SNOW AND OUT THE SHOP WHEN I DECIDE TO CROSS GRAND DOVER AND HEAD BEHIND THE STUDENT SERVICES BUILDING WHERE YOU CAN FIND AN UNIMPEACHABLY BIG FOUNTAIN, YES THAT'S RIGHT THE UNBEARABLY ENORMOUS FONT THAT ONLY PRESIDES IN A SECLUDED KIND OF GARDEN.

AS I'M STROLLING THROUGH THERE, CHOCOLATE BOX DRAGGING ON THE END OF A STRING WHICH I'VE ATTACHED TO MY WONDERFUL LEG, THE MOONLIGHT REEKS OFF THE FOUNTAIN WATER AND THE METALLIC-TYPE BENCHES ABOUT THE INIMITABLE POOL. I STAND THERE, STARING UP AT THE SKY AND HEARING AN AIRPLANE PASS WHEN I THINK THIS GARDEN IS REALLY STARTING TO WRENCH ME INTO A STATE OF PURE INFURIATION, BUT NOT BEFORE I WONDER WHY THE FOUNTAIN IS RUNNING AT ALL DURING THE WINTER. WELL I START TO BREATHE IN AND PUFF MY CHEST OUT TO GET READY TO SCREAM A SERIES OF RANTS AT THE SCHOOL WATER STAFF WHICH MIGHT BE NEARBY, WHEN I THEN HEAR A PERSON ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FOUNTAIN SAY MY NAME.

"Seth?"

I HALT, SLOWLY UN-PUFFING MY CHEST, AND THEN GRADUALLY UNHEIGHTENING THE LEG I'D RAISED UP. THE CHOCOLATE BOX BUMPS.

"Is that you?"

THE FIGURE IS NOT MOVING BUT JUST STANDING THERE STARING AT ME ACROSS THE UNFLAGELLATING WATER.

"It's good to see you," SAYS THE SEEMINGLY FAMILIAR CROAK.

WE BOTH JUST STAND THERE, THE FOUNTAIN BETWEEN US. DARKNESS EXPANDS AS THE SOUND OF TRINKLING WATER CARRIES OVER, UNTIL I HEAR A FAR-OFF CAR HORN, AND STIFFEN.

"Here," SAYS THE VOICE, AND WITH A TREMENDOUS BELT THE FIGURE THROWS SOME THING AT ME THROUGH THE STREAMING FONT AND I MANAGE TO CATCH IT, NOW SOAKED UP AND TO THE BONE.

AFTER ABOUT A MINUTE OF THE MOON AND THE WATER AND WIND BLOWING AND THE COFFEE ROYALE MANAGER SCREAMING FROM ACROSS THE WAY THAT HE'S GOING TO ANNIHILATE ME, I LOOK UP FROM THE OLD GLOVE WITH COINS UPON THE FINGERTIPS AND MANAGE TO SAY "HELLO PORRIDGE."

-LOVE SETH MURFIE

[sethmurfie-blog]

ALRIGHT - [Jan. 20]

WELL EVERYTHING'S ALREADY GONE WRONG, MY LEGS ARE GIVING OUT AND CALEB REFUSES TO TAKE OFF THE FUCKING AVIATORS, HE WEARS THEM ALL THE TIME NOW. THIS HAS BEEN A MASSIVE PROBLEM AS THE HOUSEHOLD'S ELECTRICITY IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY GONE, AND FINDING MY WAY AROUND HAS ALREADY BEEN DIFFICULT BUT CALEB DOES IT BY WAY OF A WALKING STICK, AND WITH THE AVIATORS COVERING HIS FACE HE BASICALLY CAN'T SEE AT NIGHT SO THAT YES THAT'S RIGHT MOST OF THE TIME THE STICK IS TURNING ON THE BLENDER OR ACCIDENTALLY FULL-SCALE CONDUCTING THE NEW YORK SYMPHONY PHILHARMONIC WHICH HE'S BEEN CONSISTENTLY SKYPING WITH THE LAST FOURTEEN HOURS,

ANYWAY ALL THESE THINGS BLENDER INCLUDED ARE BATTERY- OPERATED BUT EVENTUALLY THEY'LL RUN OUT AND I HAVE TO DO HOMEWORK AND PRACTICE COCKAKANA OF THE ANCIENT MARINERS SO I SAY "CALEB YOU RAT THE POWER NEEDS TO BE RESTORED AND THE HOUSE IS UNCEASINGLY DARK PLUS IT'S BECOMING HARD TO LIVE."

WELL THAT WASN'T ENOUGH BECAUSE NOW CALEB JUST WEARS A FOUNTAIN OF GLOSTICKS EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF EVERYDAY AND THIS IS DIFFICULT ESPECIALLY WHEN HE INSISTS ON DOING IT THROUGH SECURITY AT DETROIT INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I SHOULD MENTION, CALEB NOW INSISTS ON GOING "porting" AND "not" SPENDING ALL AFTERNOON "drinking at the airport bar and offering to sell people stocks for cocaine until i end up breaking the shot glasses, mind your own fucking business" BUT WHATEVER IT'S ABSURD BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN FLY ANYWHERE WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE FLYING IS FOR IMDB-RATED CHUMPS REGARDLESS, ALSO I SHOULD MENTION THAT WHILE AT THE AIRPORT I SAW IN THE LUGGAGE CLAIM A PIECE OF FABRIC ON A SUITCASE AND SOMETHING ABOUT THE FABRIC CALLED A MEMORY TO MIND, BUT I WAS QUICKLY RUSHED OUT AS MY BELT- ATTACHED-SPEAKERS BLARING A REMIX OF MY SHRIEKING DIDN'T PLEASE THE SECURITY STAFF,

ANYWAY ALL I KNOW IS THAT AS I DROVE AWAY FROM THE AIRPORT IN MY '89 PONTIAC SAFARI, THE RAIN STARTED TO POUR AND MY EYES STARTED TO BURST HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF DOVE STORY BY BLERICH BLEGALL I WAS LISTENING TO AN AUDIO RECORDING IN THE CAR AND IT WAS THE 2000 NEW MILLEINUM EDITION RECORDED IN A HOSPITAL WHERE MY MOTHER WAS ATTEMPTING TO READ THE BOOK ALOUD WHILE BIRTHING CALEB, SO YEAH I'VE NEVER REALLY HEARD ANYTHING PAST CHAPTER SEVEN BUT STILL IT ALWAYS MAKES ME BURST INTO TEARS THE MOMENT CALEB'S BORN BECAUSE REALLY CALEB IS BEING NOT IRRITATING PRECISELY BUT YES A LITTLE BIT BIZARRE, BUT ANYWAY EVEN THOUGH HIS BIRTH IS A NATIONAL TRAVESTY CALEB TELLS ME HE'S FINE SO I BELIEVE HIM, AND REGARDLESS I EVENTUALLY MADE IT TO THIS LITTLE POMPADOUR WE CALL A SCHOOL POOL, WHERE I HAD A CLASS ON FEUDAL EUROPE AND YUP WE LEARNED ABOUT SOME PAIR OF KNIGHTS FIGHTING OVER A MAIDEN EVEN THOUGH BEFORE THEY WERE A TIGHT-KNIT TEAM AND HOW THIS IS A TRADITIONAL MEDIEIVAL FOLK ROCK TALE, BUT OBVIOUSLY I WASN'T INTERESTED,

AND I NEARLY FELL ASLEEP BEFORE REALIZING THAT THIS WASN'T A SCHOOL POOL IT WAS WHAT YOU NOMADS WOULD DEEM A CLASSROOM THEREFORE MY ARM-STRAP FLOATIES AND CONTINUING USE OF FEELING MY WAY THROUGH THE ROOM AS IF IT WERE OUR UNLIT HOUSE WAS NOT APPRECIATED, AND IT TURNS OUT IT'S "A PROBLEM" TO "CARESS" THE SHOULDERS OF STUDENTS WHEN YOU'RE MAKING YOUR WAY TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM TO BATHE, ALSO YOU AREN'T EVEN ALLOWED TO BATHE, THIS SCHOOL IS HERECY I THINK I MIGHT CRACK. THANK ABOVE IT'S FRIDAY.

-LOVE SETH MURFIE

P.S. I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT IT'S IN FACT FRIDAY IN NO POSSIBLE FORM BUT SUNDAY AND THAT THE CLASS I ATTENDED WAS IN REALITY A FACULTY STAFF MEETING WITH HISTORY PROFESSORS; NOW I'M NOT ALLOWED IN CERTAIN BUILDINGS, I'M DEPRESSED.

[sethmurfie-blog]

GROCERY TRAUMA

I CAN’T BELIEVE ALL THE CRAP I GET AT THE WASTE TREATMENT FACILITY IT’S ALWAYS LIKE BLAH BLAH BLAH SIR YOU DON’T WORK HERE WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON US GIVING YOU A TOUR, AND IT’S LIKE MY GOD WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO LEARN THAT WASTE TREATMENT IS THE HEART OF THIS CITY AND ANY SMALL BOY WHO ISN’T EXCITED TO EXPLORE THOSE POSSIBILITIES IS JUST AN UTTER FOOL,

SO LATER THAT DAY I WAS EATING ORANGES AND MY MOM BURST IN THE ROOM AND START’S SAYING, SETH YOU HAVE TO GO THE STORE! AND I’M LIKE MOM YOU FUCKING RETARD IT’S PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT I’M BUSY EATING ORANGES AND YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO EAT ORANGES ESPECIALLY NOW THAT YOU WON’T PEEL THEM FOR ME ANYMORE AND SHE’S LIKE, SETH STOP SCREAMING AT THE CEILING FAN THE CEILING FAN IS NOT ME WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS JUST GO TO THE STORE PLEASE, AND IT’S LIKE WHATEVER I’M A MASTER OF ENCHANTED GARDENS AND THE DUCHESS OF DAYDREAMS LAST TIME I CHECKED, SO WHATEVER I GET IN THE CAR AND GO TO THE STORE AND GET OUT OF MY CAR,

AND THERE’S THESE EMPLOYEES HARASSING ME SAYING I CAN’T COME IN WITH HAZARD MATERIAL COMING OUT OF MY SHOES I’M LIKE FUCK YOU YOU LIZARD EATING ORANGUTANS THESE ARE JUST ORANGE PEELS AND I’M THINKING THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH STORING ORANGE PEELS IN YOUR SHOES AND THEY’RE LIKE, BUT THERE’S ALSO LITERAL WASTE DRIPPING FROM YOUR SNEAKERS HAVE YOU BEEN WALKING AROUND A SEWER OR SOMETHING? AND I’M LIKE FUCK THIS THEY DON’T APPRECIATE WASTE TREATMENT EITHER SO I’M CRYING MY BALLS OFF AS I DIVE MY THICK EXPLORATORY NOSE INTO THE DUMPSTER OUT BACK AND END UP FINDING A BASIC SUBSTITUTE FOR WHAT MY MOM NEEDED AND I GET IN THE CAR FEELING EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED BUT IT’S FINE, ALRIGHT, AT LEAST I GOT THE GROCERIES ESSENTIALLY AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU DO BETTER BUT YOU CAN’T AND CALEB CERTAINLY CAN’T BECAUSE HE’S BUSY RUBBING OLIVE OIL ON HIS BALLS, AND SO ANYWAY I GO HOME AND HAVE A PRETTY NICE DINNER WITH MY FAMILY AND THAT’S MY EVENING.

–LOVE SETH MURFIE

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[sethmurfie-blog]

CALEB’S UTTER FRAUDULENCE

MY NAME IS SETH MURFIE.

SO, I WAS BUSY IMPRESSING THE HELL OUT OF SOME EXTREMELY STEAMIN’ HOT SHORTIES DOWN AT THE HOLIDAY LANES BOWLING ALLEY WHEN THIS BLUE-UNIFORM-WEARING DICKSICLE COMES AT ME WITH HANDCUFFS AND HE’S SCREAMING THIS BALONEY ABOUT, BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU BROKE THE LAW BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO COME WITH ME SIR A BOWLING ALLEY IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE PLACE TO GO “GUTTERBALLING FOR GUTTERGALS” AS YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON CALLING IT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN’T EVEN HEAR HIM

SO I JUST TAKE OFF WITH MY INCREDIBLE MURFIE THIGHS AND BASICALLY HIGH TAIL OUT OF THAT SHITSTAIN, MEANWHILE MY MOM HAS BEEN TRYING TO CALL ME THIS WHOLE TIME SO I FINALLY ANSWER MY PHONE AND IT’S LIKE SHIT MOM I CAN’T BE SLAMMING DOWN ANY TIGHT BOWLING ALLEY POON IF YOU HAVE TO CALL ME EVERY TIME THE RADIATOR IS TOO LOUD AND YOU GET SCARED OF IT,

BUT ANYWAY I GO HOME BECAUSE I HAVE TO SHE’S MY MOTHER WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M AN AWFUL SON FUCK YOU, SO I ARRIVE HOME AND SEE MY LITTLE BROTHER STANDING THERE WITH A GODDAMN FISCHER PRICE VOICE-MODIFIER IN HIS HAND, SO OKAY IT TURNS OUT HE WAS IMPERSONATING OUR MOM AND HE LURED ME HOME SO I WOULD GIVE HIM BOWLING LESSONS AND WELL OBVIOUSLY I’M LIKE FUCK THAT CALEB DON’T YOU KNOW BOWLING IS JUST A WAY TO GET LADIES AND HE’S LIKE “i know that fuckface” AND BEFORE I KNOW IT HE’S GOT OUR DOG TRAINED ON ME,

I GUESS HE’S BEEN TRAINING OUR DOG TO ATTACK ANYONE IT REGARDS AS AN ENEMY AND SUDDENLY HIS DOG IS FUCKING ME IN THE ASS WHILE MY BROTHER LAUGHS THIS STUPID EVIL LAUGH AND STARTS THROWING GARLIC CLOVES AT ME AND SAYING SHIT LIKE “a perfect strike!” LIKE HE’S BOWLING AW REAL FUNNY ASSHOLE GREAT JUST GREAT,

ANYWAY IF YOU ARE AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE HUMAN BEING AND NOT A DOG AND WOULD LIKE TO HOOK UP AT THE HOLIDAY LANES OR EVEN THE INDOOR PLAYPALACE AT MCDONALD’S YOU OUGHTA JUST MEET ME THERE, PAY FOR YOUR OWN SHOES AND IF YOU SEE MY BROTHER IGNORE HIM HE CAN’T EVEN BOWL UNLESS IT’S GARLIC AND HE’S AN EVIL SADISTIC FUCKWIT ANYWAY.

BY THE WAY, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY.

-LOVE SETH MURFIE

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