#mum comes in AGAIN and is like BITCH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. and I’m like THERES ANOTHER FUCKING—

[iishmael]

todays one of those days. just googled how much an adhd or autism assessment would cost in Ireland. Over 1.5k each lol. do I look like I’m gonna spend 3k just to be told smth that I a) already know and b) no one can do anything about? lmfao shut uuuuup 😭😭😭

[bangchansgirlsblog]

9th member getting in a bad fight w skz (v v v angsty)

Hit me where it hurts.

Warning: very traumatizing, read at your own risk!

Pairing: skz x 9th member

Summary: friends fight all the time but eventually get back together right?

!not proofread so forgive me for mistakes!

You will hate me after this but I love you 😆Enjoy!

-🩷

*

My body stumbles into the dorm rooms. A giggle leaves my mouth. My vision was blurry, no doubt there. The room was spinning but in a good way.

The scent of a good home cooked meal filled my nostrils as I sat on the floor and removed my tied shoes.

Another giggle escapes my mouth as I get up and fall down on my bum.

“Y/n? Is that you?” A voice calls that makes me jump a little. I look up to see leeknow walking into the little entrance of the dorms.

“Heyyy Oppa,” my words slur as I get up again slightly sliding but able to balance.

He looks at me examining my body. He was wearing sweatpants and a white hoodie. His glasses were on too meaning he was cooking. He stood there arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

“Have you been drinking again?” His voice is calm yet harsh.

“Maybe,” I simply say before giggling again and walking past him making my way to the living room.

His body turns with mine as he follows behind continuing the conversation.

“Are you fucking serious? We talked about this.” His tone was getting louder and I didn’t like it at all. I stopped and looked at him. His face a few inches away from mine.

“But Oppa I thought you said you would support me in everything I do,” I tilt my head and bite my lip. Slowly a smirk crips up. “Don’t you like seeing me happy?” I hiccup.

He takes a step back and I frown, “You’ve been coming home drunk for the past two weeks! What is wrong with you? We’ve been worried sick!” He growls quite literally. His face turning red and his arms crossed.

“Okay but what’s the big deal I had a little to drink, whatever,” I roll my eyes and turn my body to continue walking to the living room.

His hand grabs mine. I squirm a little trying to make him let go. “Let go Leeknow your hurting me,”

“Look at yourself Y/n! Just look! You’re a fucking mess!” His voice is loud now. Filled with anger and running through out the house. His towering over me. Making me feel small.

“Leeknow I said let go of me now!” I yelp but he doesn’t. His breathing is heavy and his looking at me with dark eyes. Filled with hurt and anger.

“Your killing yourself-“

I cut him off. Not even bothering to listen to the long speech he was about to give because what was the point? We had been going through this for the past week. The same old boring ass speech.

“I don’t fucking care! You didn’t care about me before now why all of a sudden you care about me now huh? Huh?! You’re a monster, you and all the boys are!” I’m now yelling at the top of my voice. His hand lets go shocked at my reaction. He steps back trying to process what I was trying to say. His eyes searching my face.

“What do you mean I didn’t care? Who was fucking there for you when you got eliminated? Who was h there for you when you broke your ankle? Who the fuck was there for you the nights you couldn’t learn a choreography? Huh? Who the fuck was there for you when your mum disowned you? Stop being a fucking little bitch about everything and running away from your problems. Face them! Face them instead of drinking them away!”

“Don’t you ever talk about my mother again leeknow,” my voice is low, anger laced all over it. It almost comes out as venom.

His stood in-front of me, his hands are in a fist. Why was his hand in a fist? Was he going to hit me? What was he trying to do?

“If you going to fucking hit me, hit me! Hit me leeknow-“

I step closer to his body. My finger poking at his chest and he clenched his jaw. The world is still spinning and the room is dim.

“Hey! What the fuck is going on?!” Hyunjin drops his phone on the ground and runs towards us. His hand automatically wrapping around my waist and pulling me away from leeknow who is huffing in anger. Trying to calm down.

“What the fuck Y/n?! Have you been drinking again?” Hyunjin asks me when he puts me down. His runs his hands through his hair as he starts to examine me. His eyes going back and forth between me and leeknow. “Please don’t tell me you haven’t,”

I go quiet but Leeknow Ofcourse had to step in.

“Yes she has been-“

“It doesn’t have to do with any of you!” I yell at him. I grab my jacket that laid on the floor and slightly stumble. Hyunjin is still processing what’s going on but leeknow still has a lot to say, I see it, I sense it.

“Yes the fuck it does because you promised you would stop! Look at the way you’re talking to leeknow! You can’t even see in a straight line for crying out loud!” Hyunjin’s outbursts caused me to snap back into reality.

“Why are you on my dick Hyunjin? Why are you alwyals in my business?! God! Ever since you came back from haitus you’ve been such a clingy bitch!” The words leave my mouth and my brain stops. I instantly regret what I had just said. I knew Hyunjin didn’t like his hiatus and it was the worst time in his life.

“Hyunjin’s I didn’t mean-“

“Are you serious? Are you serious right now y/n?” Leeknow cuts into the argument. His now walking towards both of us. His hands waving in the air as he speaks. “Why would you say such a thing to him? You know how sensitive that is!”

Hyunjin’s eyes start to shine, his lips turning into a frown then a scowl, “and ever since you were sexually assaulted you’ve been moping around like a bitch!” Hyunjin took a step away from me his hands were shaking. His voice is louder than ever. His body upward and straight.

The word hit me hard. My body starts to shake aswell. This was the biggest fight we had ever gotten into and we had just taken it on another level.

“Oh great then why don’t we all just leave eachother alone huh?!” I stumble back again, the alchohol getting to me as hard as the emotions were. “You know what? Fuck you leekmow, fuck you hyunjin!”

“That’s great because you know what?! Chan never wanted you in the group before! He just picked you cause you were a sad fucking trainee that nobody wanted in their team-“

“Hyunjin!” A voice yells and we all turn at Chan and Felix who are standing at the door. Obviously coming from outside. They were both wearing coats and beanies due to the coldness outside.

“I’m sorry! I had to say it, She’s a bitch!” He glares at me and then back at Chan “and I mean it, I can be a bitch to if I wanted too,” he spits at me.

I look at him in disbelief. My heart ached. My heart ached so much I couldn’t help but hold my chest.

“Where the fuck have you been Y/n? So you know me and Felix have been walking out in the cold for hours looking for you?!” I look up at Chan who is now in the same area as us. Leeknow still standing there pissed off trying to calm down.

“Why would you? Because I’m a sad little girl that needs saving?!” I scoff when I reply to Chan. His face falls, so does Felix’s. My Han trying to support my weight as I watch everyone in the room glaring at me.

Was this even real? Was I even real?

“Are you drunk Y/n?” He looks at me, eyes wide opened. His hands turn into a fist as well. His jaw tensed up.

“Ask your little fucking friends that you wanted,” I scoff and turn my back on them starting to walk out the door. I fall to the ground (quite literally) and put on my shoes. Then get up. The boys all watching in shock trying to figure out what to do.

“Where are you going?!” Chan yells, “running away from your problems won’t solve anything! Y/n! Stop!” His shouts are getting louder as I open the door not bothering to listening to him.

“I’m going somewhere fucking away from you and your pathetic little team! Chan leave me the fuck alone.” Everything goes quiet as I unlock the door but the glass shattering causes me to turn and look at their direction.

Pieces of glass laid in front of them. The handle of the face still in Chan’s hand.

“Good go away and don’t come back all you do is cause us problems!”

“Hyung!” Felix gasps and grabs his arm trying to calm him down. “Don’t say that! Ever-body just please calm down and let’s talk about it-“

“I didn’t want to be in the group in the first place!”

“We all didn’t want you either but look where we both are!”

“Hyung stop!” Felix puts his hand over his mouth. “That’s not true! Look at you guys.” His eyes tears up as he looks at me. My heart breaks. “Y/n just come back inside and let’s talk about it okay?”

“Let her go Felix, she’s pathetic anyway.” Hyunjin says as he turns around to walk back to his room.

I slam the front door and run up the apartments stairs. I need to get away for a moment. I needed to think. I stumble through out until I get to the roof stop.

I take a deep breath and find my legs swinging off the edge. I look down to say the busy street.

When did life get this busy? This out of control?

I had to deal with a lot. I couldn’t anymore. I wouldn’t. If the boys didn’t want me anymore then I had no one.

Hot tears run down my cheeks. The pain in my chest aching even worse than before. The wind blew on my hair as I took a deep breath in and let myself go.

“No wait! Y/n!” I hear I.N’s scream. Instant regret fills my body but it’s to late. My body falling down the different floors, gasps and screams fill the street until everything goes quiet. My mind goes quiet.

Then end.

*

Y’all I feel so bad omg forgive me 😭

-🩷

PT 2:

[rose-pearls]

Watching you go - Part 11

Here is the new part!! It took some time but it's here and I hope you like it!

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187, @nyx2021, @thestarspangledcaptain, @kmc1989 (open for everyone)

Series taglist: @wannapizzamymindposts, @experiencebeinanamericanwhOre, @capswife, @star-of-velaris, @simpinformunson, @nobody7102, @r1dd1kulus, @primscat, @fishfetus, @jellybear455, @ghostieraccoons, @inky-sun, @happinessinthebeing, @magical-spit, @mrsjna, @whats-that26, @fluffybunnyu, @jdbxws, @yazminetrahan, @pillowjj, @v4mpygoth (open)

Previous Part - Next Part

The sun had been shining for the past few days and you couldn’t stop smiling. The whole district seemed happier when the sun came out, which helped with the underlying tensions that always seemed to be in district twelve.

“Alright, I need your honest opinion.”, you hear Peeta say as he comes out of the bakery, the back door closing behind him.

“I promise.”, you tell him, and he smiles shily before showing you a small cake with a large scoop of frosting on it and some decorations.

“Peeta, it’s beautiful.”, you can’t help but whisper as you look at all of the small details, the flowers and the greenery. The boy seems unsure at your words, but you smile brightly, making him sit down next to you.

“Thank you, it’s a test. If they sell out at the end of the day my mother has said they will be a weekly occurrence.”, he seems nervous at the prospect, so you take his hand in yours, squeezing it in reassurance.

“I’m sure people will be rushing in to buy them.”, you tell him and Peeta smiles softly at you, that now familiar look in his eyes, full of love.

It had taken some time to get there, mainly you thinking that Peeta was in love with Katniss and the boy proving you wrong every step of the way. He had been looking at you like you were the somehow the best thing that happened to him and you looked at him the same way.

You never thought of Katniss and Peeta again, until they went into the games and suddenly there was third person in your relationship. Or so you thought, it seemed as if now you were the person too much in the relationship and not Katniss.

--

You couldn’t breathe, it was like someone had their hands wrapped around your throat, tears brimming in your eyes.

“Hey, kid, focus!”, you hear Haymitch say, and you take a shaky breath, holding onto his arm and trying to keep your beathing at a normal pace. 

He takes your hand and puts it over his heart, making you take deep breaths with him and after a moment you finally manage it, tears sliding down your cheeks.

“What happened?”, he asks softly as you fall against the wall, your legs close to you as if they could protect you from the harsh reality.

“I can’t – I”, he nods quietly, as if understanding that you couldn’t explain it. 

“It was the sight of them, right?”, Haymitch asks after a moment and you look at him, with the same blue-grey eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know the girl was there.”, he says, and you simply shake your head, it wasn’t his fault.

“It’s a shitty feeling, right? Seeing the person, you like falling in love with someone else.”, you look at him with questioning eyes, he looked cynic, but there was sadness in his eyes.

“Are you talking about my mum?”, you ask him quietly, you hadn’t approached the subject with him but maybe you needed to talk about it.

“No, it wasn’t her.”, he says softly, and you look at him for a moment before you remember something.

“You really are like Haymitch.”, Johanna had whispered in the hospital, a soft smile on her lips.

“Johanna.”, you say and for the first time you see him flinch in response.

“How do you know?”, he asks, eyes wide as if you had just discovered his darkest secret.

“I was wondering how Peeta was, and she said that I was just like you, more busy worrying about others then myself.”, he closes his eyes like it’s painful.

“What happened?”, you ask softly and Haymitch lets out a sigh.

“It’s nothing compared to your love story with lover boy there.”, Haymitch says, and you know that he is trying to avoid the topic, you did the same thing.

“Every story is different, doesn’t make it less important.”, you tell him softly and he chuckles before looking at his hands that are wringing his beanie. 

“When Johanna got out of the arena, she had no one, her mentors didn’t help her, so I took her under my wing. She was the first person to tell me my four truths to my face, the rest had always been too scared.”, you couldn’t help but chuckle at the image of an angry Johanna spewing words at him.

“Yeah, she was real fun back then. But little by little she started opening up and so did I, we told each other practically everything without even realizing it. She reminded me of my first girlfriend and slowly I started falling for her.”, there is a sad smile on his lips at the words and you take his hand in yours.

“She never felt the same, she was in love with Finnick. The boy had taken some time to realize how amazing she was but once he did, he finally saw what was in front of him and he took the chance I never had.”, there are tears shimmering in his eyes and you squeeze his hand.

“Why didn’t you tell her?”, you ask him softly.

“Because she deserved better than an old drunk like me. Plus, she was never really interested, she always had eyes for Finnick.”, he whispers, and you feel frustrated at his negative thoughts.

“You are far more than an old drunk.”, you tell him and your father scoffs at your words, but you shake your head.

“You won the 50th Hunger Games and had to go to every game after that, that is not something a coward would be able to do. Sure, you may have a drinking problem but, in the end, you were always there for the people who needed you, Katniss, Peeta, Johanna and me. You are insanely smart and cunning you just need to believe in yourself again, don’t let Snow win in making you believe that you are useless.”, he is looking at you with teary eyes, but you can’t stop yourself.

“And you are my goddamn dad, whether it was planned or not you are, and I will not let you bring yourself down. Never let anyone make you feel insecure about yourself, you deserve so much. And if that person doesn’t realize how amazing and wonderful you are then it’s her loss.”, you tell him and after a moment you think of your words, the words that you should also be telling yourself.

Peeta wasn’t in love with you anymore, no matter how much you would try to ignore it and push everything aside. He wasn’t the sweet boy you had met at the bakery, the both of you had changed whether you wanted to or not.

“I think I need to do something.”, you whisper and Haymitch nods in reassurance, there is that knowing glint in his eyes that tells you he already knows what you are going to do.

“I’m here if you need a pep talk or just someone to be with.”, he tells you and you nod in response. He smiles softly at you before kissing your forehead.

“Thanks for the pep talk sweetheart.”, he whispers, and you smile at him.

“Anytime you need it.”, he nods in response before leaving you in the hallway, thinking over what you were going to say.

--

He looks surprised to see you there, his blue eyes wide open but there is a familiar smile that appears.

“Hi.”, you say, unable to move from the door and Peeta nods in response, like he is unable to say something at the moment.

“How are you doing?”, you ask him as you manage to make your feet move towards the end of his bed and you sit down at his feet.

“The doctors say that I’m doing better, some memories come back, and others don’t.”, he looks unsure at the end, like he doesn’t know if he should say it or not, but you simply nod.

“You can tell me that you don’t remember us, I won’t get mad.”, you tell him softly and he looks at his hands for a moment, fiddling with his bedsheet, he always used to do that when he was nervous.

“How are you doing?”, he asks, his blue eyes meeting yours and you smile, trying to reassure him.

“I’m fine, the doctor told me that I could leave the medical ward and that Johanna should check on my wounds.”, you tell him, and he snorts softly.

“Better be careful with Johanna.”, he says teasingly, and you laugh at the words.

“She’s alright, she was actually the first person I saw when I woke up and she didn’t immediately start yelling around.”, the boy laughs at your words and there is a silence that follows your words. For the first time in a long time, you don’t know how to fill it.

“You like her, Katniss.”, you say after a moment and Peeta looks at you with wide eyes but before he can say anything you start talking.

“I know you do; I recognize the look in your eyes. You used to look at me with that look.”, you tell him, and he seems ashamed of the words.

“I’m sorry.”, he whispers, and you let out a shaky breath.

“It’s not your fault. The worst part is that the both of us haven’t had a say or do in this.”, he looks at you with sad blue eyes and you look at him with tears welling up in your eyes.

“I’ve loved you since I was a little girl and I saw you behind your father’s legs. But we aren’t the same people we were before you got reaped, we tried to make it work but it didn’t in the end.”, you say, your breath shaky as you talk and Peeta takes a deep breath.

“It’s not your fault, I want you to remember that. You didn’t have any control in what happened in the Capitol and even before you got captured it was not perfect.”, you tell him as the blond boy closes his eyes.

“I will always love you, some part of me always will and I will always cherish the moments that we had together, but we can’t keep pretending that all of this didn’t happen.”, Peeta seems pained at the words, and you feel sick at the thought of hurting him.

“I have to choose myself and give you the chance to discover everything again without me holding you back. That doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on you, I’ll always be there for you, but this is me choosing myself for once.”, you tell him, and he nods in understanding.

“You’re right. I was scared to hurt you, but we should’ve done this sooner.”, he says, and the words hurt more than any wound you could ever get physically.

“Don’t be a stranger Mellark.”, you whisper softly and Peeta smiles sadly.

“Don’t be a stranger either Abernathy.”, he whispers, and you shake your head, promising yourself that you would be there for him.

“Goodnight Peeta.”, he whispers goodnight back and you get off the bed, walking towards the door feeling like you are losing a piece of yourself.

And as you close the door behind you, the tears fall down your cheeks and you feel like someone has ripped a part of your body off. 

You feel arms wrap themselves around your body and you get ready to push the person off until you recognize the pine smell that Johanna always carried with her, and you just fall in her arms sobbing.

“Haymitch told me you would need me.”, she whispers, and you hold her tighter, sobs leaving your lips.

“It’s okay I’m right here, I’m not leaving.”, she whispers, and you close your eyes, wishing for the memories of the blond boy to disappear but they just flash in front of your eyes.

You don’t realize that at the same time the boy with the bread is watching the door with tears streaming down his cheeks, memories coming back one by one.

[mikolovesracing]

silverstone’s a bitch

((::or in which lando knows that oscar is hurting after the british grand prix::))

————————————————————

lando couldn’t lie, he was internally pretty psyched about being p3 in his home race, disappointed yes with the taste of victory burning at the back of his throat and disappating warily as he heard he was p3. he swallowed his pride and parked his mclaren next to hamilton’s mercedes and climbed out of the race car, immediately discarding his helmet and getting a breath of mostly fresh air mixed with burnt rubber and fuel. He looked around to collect himself and smiled at his mum who had come down from the stands and enveloped her son in a hug.

“wonderful job love, absolutely wonderful, you gave it all you had.” she whispered, lando sighed, pushing down the thoughts he actually wanted to say in that moment and smiled.

“thanks mum, i’m so sorry but i’m about to be pulled in six different directions, i love you, i’ll see you later.” he said having a kiss pressed to hid temple before grabbing the waterbottle off the pedestal and taking a long gulp, he could hear his team cheering and the obnoxious british crowd chanting lewis’ name like he hung the moon and part of him was incredibly distraught, to place third at his home race was eating at him from the inside and he held up a somewhat fake smile to the audience growing around him.

p3 isn’t bad lando, look on the bright side

lando noticed other drivers beginning to park their cars about the finish line and shook hands with several of them before getting a flash of black and papaya in the corner of his eye. he turned and saw oscar, still in his car, hands on the wheel, focused and unmoving, it looked more like a weird statue of oscar, any personality that shined through his helmet and firesuit was gone and lando immediately felt a pit of worry grow in his stomach. he jogged over to the other mclaren and tapped on the halo, then on his helmet when he didn’t respond. oscar’s body jolted and looked up at a smiling lando, putting a thumbs up and disconnecting his steering wheel, handing it to lando and beginning to get out of his car with a hand from the older mclaren driver.

oscar hopped down from the car and into lando’s arms which had a gentle but firm grip around his body that cleared away some of his frustrations that he felt about the race they just had, he wanted to lay down and have the fattest slice of pizza he could find. lando helped him pull off his helmet and balaclava and tossed them into his racecar, walking with the aussie to a cooldown space where there were strictly no cameras. lando pressed a kiss to his lovers cheek.

“excellent job love, p4 at silverstone isn’t bad at all! impressive actually.” lando remarked, kissing him again, but oscar looked empty, more than the normal post-race drain that lando was used to seeing and feeling himself, something in oscar just seemed wrong, “are you okay?”

oscar huffed and threw himself down on the sofa, pulling up his legs and putting his head down. lando could hear him silently crying to himself, deciding what the best option to do for oscar was in the next five minutes he had of freedom before he’d be forced to a media session. he sat down and placed a hand on oscar’s back, the other on his knee and rubbing small circles with the pad of his thumb. he pressed a kiss on oscar’s head and gently lifted his chin, wiping away the stray tears that littered his face.

“oscar, what’s wrong?” lando said gently. oscar chuckled a dry laugh and looked lando in his eyes, his stupid green eyes that made everything feel slightly more okay.

“do you think i’m a good driver?” oscar replied, his voice barely above a whisper. lando looked shocked and nodded furiously before taking both oscar’s hands, somewhat forcing him to look at him harder than what he already was. his heart hurt looking at oscar’s tear stained face and the driver of the 81 looked massively defeated, even for a p4.

“what? of course i think you’re a good driver! you have every potential lined up to win, hell you’ve scored points in almost every race this season, we’re definitely giving mercedes and ferrari a run for their money, you’re threatening on the track why would you think such a thing?” lando rambled, holding oscar closer.

“the team. zak. they prioritise you over me like i don’t exist, like i lack the potential that they want. it’s obvious you’re the better driver but sometimes, i dunno, i don’t feel like i even compare. i keep wondering to myself why am i here? why do they still keep me?”

“oscar, you give ME a run for my money, fucks sake babe, sometimes i feel like i have to fight you for podium, you’re an incredible driver love, i believe that whole heartedly. mclaren renewed your contract, you’re safe amore, you’re safe.”

“i’m not safe! no one in this sport is ever safe, look at checo, he’s low key fucked right now and they can replace me with pato at any minute if they wanted, guy’s incredible.”

“oscar, the chances of them putting pato in is slim to none, besides, he’s too focused on indycar right now. either way the point is they do like you and they value you. it’s why they renewed your contract, it’s why you’re here. you don’t become an f1 driver overnight, it’s a work in progress and if zak has kept you for this long, he sees something incredibly special in you,” lando kissed oscar on the cheek and held his face in his hand, “same way i see something special in you, osc, you are incredible on and off the track, you have to trust yourself, and honestly? fuck strategy today, they fucked you over and it wasn’t fair, hell you could have passed me, max and lewis at some point and stolen silverstone from him all together.”

“i’m sorry i’m throwing a literal temper tantrum, i’m just upset.” oscar apologized, wiping his own face and snuggling into his boyfriend’s side, taking in the odd mix of cologne and sweat. he realized in that moment that he hadn’t even congratulated lando on a p3 podium job well done and kissed on the older driver’s neck, “well on today, lan, you were incredible.”

“well if it helps you sleep at night, oscar, they fucked me over too, i shouldn’t have gone soft and we boxed at the wrong time, should have gone in far earlier, either of us could have won this fucking race. i swear, next year, i’m coming for blood.”

“silverstone’s a bitch babe, silverstone is a right bitch.”

————————————————————

im bored and the power went out. also couldnt leave out pato after his FUCKING win this weekend that i got to watch live and in person, fuck yea for my boy pato🧡🖤

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Agatha all along spoilers:

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Okay okay okay? Soooooo heyyy Billy erm don’t trust you, anddd actually I think your brother’s better so yeah fuck you actually also how dare you talk to a prolific witch killer like that, if Rio wasn’t busy taking Alice’s body (fly high! RIP girlie, rest with your mum now!) she would’ve taken your ass all the way to the astral plane, dead or alive

Nicolas scratch voice reveal! Poor baby wanting his mama to stop like is he watching all this happening? Poor sweetheart, Agatha just wants her baby back (should’ve also had the camera pan slightly to Rio because bet she would’ve had a reaction too 👀 notes for next time)

Also fuck evenora harkness okay, listen I support all mothers but “I should’ve killed you the moment you left my body” ??? Bit harsh, I’m from the north of England and even mothers here aren’t that cruel

“I can be good” yes sweet angel baby witch killer you can do no wrong and will always be good and I love you and will stroke your hair when you sad and never leave your side -Rio Vidal probably

“Or we could slit her throat”

“Her mother can’t have her!”

Rio you can’t keep flip flopping in front of the other witches, they don’t know your humour yet and how deeply in love with your ex wife you are, they don’t know the throat slitting thing is fun to you as a joke (dw baby I got you)

Also Lilia being all ‘I hate flying brooms because of the Halloween corporations’ ‘profiting off our inability to travel like everyone else’ to “I haven’t done this in centuries (massive grin) she loves it and definitely will be doing it again. Bless her heart I hope she’s safe and happy for more centuries to come 👀👀👀👀 (marvel I’m at your fucking door)

Agatha and Rio choosing each other for the broom spell because they’ve done it hundreds of times and it’s probably the intimate thing besides the almost kiss in the last episode

Also when they’re handing the brooms to each other and Rio grazes Agatha’s hand, she was like ‘hold my hand you coward!’

Teen’s blue powers are pretty cool I have to admit but I would also like to say, and I’ve seen a few other people say it, I think he was subconsciously controlling the trial, because a few of them were a little ooc, like jen, instantly flipped to punishing Agatha and the others followed (Rio just wanted to play, know full well you can’t control death)

But he didn’t know what he was doing so when Alice (gone but never forgotten) jumped in to save Agatha and she died ☠️💔 he was so distraught, not only because she was so cool but because he made her do it, he just couldn’t comprehend what happened but knew it was him so he struggled with that knowledge (just like Wanda when she found out about the town)

‘You’re just like your mother’ (😰 her voice) but! I think at the end of the last episode when Agatha smiled at Rio after she told her he wasn’t her son, she knew then, she knew he was Wanda’s son but obviously she was still holding out hope, and when Rio confirmed it she knew what had to be done

Also! The Salem seven these freaky, creepy acrobatic bitches they’re fantastic! But if they’re the children of the coven that Agatha killed right? Didn’t they have other people looking after them? Like I don’t know much about the Salem era of course I wasn’t there ( or was I? 👀) I assume these mothers didn’t just leave 7 kids playing in dirt somewhere on their own like ‘mommy will be back I just have to go and kill a witch because her mother doesn’t like her and is very jealous of her’ like did they not return and the kids found friends in the animals that obviously gathered around them and form powers to turn into them and just decide well! Time to kill Agatha in a few hundred centuries or whatever

I’m thinking to much about this I know I am, but isn’t it fun?!

Also finally, Wanda I love you I love you to pieces but! This is Agatha all along maybe a post credit scene for you to come back and be like ‘my son! I’ve missed you, now let’s find your brother’ but this show is about Agatha and her ex wif- search for power!

I’m rambling and it makes no sense but god I can’t wait until next week, hopefully the witches come out of the quick sand mud and kick teens ass and Rio helps of course!

[taylorkellyreporting]

i hope no one minds if i inconsistently liveblog this bitch: doctor who season one from 1x04

1x04

HELLO??

A WHOLE YEAR???

shit

“you’re 900 years old?” “yeah.” “my mum was right, that is one hell of an age gap.” lmfaooo

“i’m the only person who knows it exists.” spoke too soon

damn, he left her. i wonder if the key he gave her was even real.

it was a pig 😭

OH NOOOO

every time they get separated, shit goes off the rails

IS HE GONNA KILL HER MOM?!

1x05

girl, FUCK the emergency protocols

“sorry.” 😭

that shit was intense

“my mother’s cooking.” “good, put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.” CACKLING

i feel so bad for her mom :(

1x06

this episode really is…something.

why the fuck is the doctor just offering up all of this information???

he really should have seen this coming

*pretends to be shocked*

their cockiness is gonna get them killed

i never want rose and the doctor to be separated EVER again

“what use are emotions if you won’t save the woman that you love?” damn

don’t know how i feel about this dude joining them

1x07

“he’s your boyfriend.” “not anymore.” did i miss something???

something’s wrong…

is that guy dead?

i don’t trust adam at all

rose is so stupid. i could understand if it was mickey she was trusting but she doesn’t even know this man

huh, that was unexpected.

what the actual fuck

1x08

this ep’s gonna be so sad

the doctor never should’ve taken her to that day

“alright, i’ll tell him you’re not my boyfriend.” obsessed with her thinking that was the issue 😭

not important but jackie looks really good with her hair like that

well. that was heartbreaking.

1x09

sorry, but if a kid wearing a fucking plague mask was repeatedly saying “mummy” in an eerie voice, i would have turned and walked the other way. r.i.p. to rose but i’m different

what part of “don’t answer it.” is hard to understand? lmao

“excellent bottom.” gross.

i know i sound like a broken record but what the fuck?!

this is one creepy ass episode

this dude is coming on so strong dkgjgks

“finally, a professional.” rose, be serious.

“they’re not dead.” okay.

girl, what the fuck?

1x10

i can’t believe that worked lmfaooo

“those would’ve been terrible last words.” 😭

“half this street thinks your missus must be messing about with mr haverstock, the butcher. but she’s not, is she? you are.” SCREAMING

“i sent it to its room. this is its room.”

that’s fucking terrifying

“the first day i met him, he blew my job up. that’s practically how he communicates.” pls

“okay, so he’s vanished into thin air. why is it always the great- looking ones who do that?” “i’m making an effort to not be insulted.” “i mean…men.” “okay, thanks, that really helped.” fkfhhgdj

i hate jack for interrupting their dance. IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD.

“carry on with whatever you were…doing.” “we were talking about dancing.” “it didn’t look like talking.” “didn’t feel like dancing.” 😭

these episodes are so fucking creepy but they’re definitely the best of the season

oh my God, he’s her son

THEY’RE DANCING 🥹

1x11

i can’t wait for mickey’s reaction to jack

“trust me, safest place in the universe.” famous last words

i hope the doctor doesn’t trust her

poor mickey

“it’s always the doctor, it’s never me.” buddy you should’ve known you weren’t first choice when she left you in the beginning

she’s an egg 😭

1x12

i almost don’t want to press play.

lmao, what the hell

it always comes back to floor 500

oh shit, the doctor cause all of that?

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

rose can’t be dead

THANK GOD

i can’t believe the daleks actually survived

1x13

i’m not ready to say goodbye to nine

rose is getting a taste of her own medicine with the doctor and lynda djfjgjs

HE KISSED THEM BOTH 😭 I LOVE JACK

i can feel my heart breaking

who the fuck is bad wolf if it isn’t the daleks???

mickey’s really getting on my nerves this ep

HELLO

“there’s nothing left for me here.” ‘nothing?” “no.” she’s RUTHLESS 😭 but honestly he shouldn’t be surprised at this point

JACK ☹️

“i am the bad wolf.” BITCH???? WHAT????

i got my kiss but at what cost

OH SHIT THEY LEFT JACK

all i feel is pain

that’s it??? how am i ever going to move on from eccleston? how the hell are you guys strong enough do this every season? cause i’ll tell you how i’m doing: not well, bitch!!

[jamiesfootball]

Augusnippets Day 14

Prompt: gifts

cw: implied/referenced child abuse

Summary:

Sometimes gift-giving ain't all it's cracked up to be, and sometimes it is. - A series of moments from Jamie's life.

Here on AO3

Age 4

Gasp! “Is this for me? Did you make this? Oh, Jamie, it’s beautiful, I love it. Come on, now, give mummy hugs.”

Age 7

“Oh, thanks baby. That looks wonderful. No, I do, I do like it! I do! Mummy’s just really tired today, I promise. Soon as the holidays are over, I’ll go back to working my normal shifts.”

Age 9

“Did you make me breakfast in bed? That’s so sweet! Thank you so much, love. …Was this by any chance the last tin of beans in the cupboard?”

Age 11

“What the hell is this? Did your mum put you up to this? Bit cheap, innit?”

Age 12

“No, of course I’d love to come to your match, Jamie. But you know with this new job I started, it’s not a good look if I ask for time off so soon.”

Age 13

“Did you think that I wouldn’t already have the new kit? Huh? You think I’m broke? Is that the kind of garbage your mother’s been filling your head with? Teaching you how to disrespect your old man?”

Age 14

“Look, junior. I know things got a bit heated between us last time I came around. Just the way it is with us men sometimes, am I right? I’m sure you said some things you regret too. But your mom and I, we’ve been talking, and I think I’ve got a shot there. Make us a proper family again. Now, what do you say you and me, we celebrate the occasion by taking ourselves a little father/son bonding trip? Ever been to Amsterdam?”

Age 15

“We can make a day of it. Get lunch, maybe go to the cinema? Oh. Oh, no, that’s all right, love. I didn’t know that you’d made plans with your friends already. Right. Right. Well, if you think you’ll be home in time for dinner-“

Age 16

“-right. Uh huh. No, I know you’re busy, love, but I was thinking. I know how stressed you’ve been lately and how hard you’ve been working. Maybe later this year, you and I can take a trip, hm? Around New Year’s? Just the two of us. Get away for a little bit before you skyrocket into superstardom.

“No, you don’t have to help pay for it any of it, Jamie-”

Age 17

“-No, I know you’ve got a match, Jamie. It doesn’t have to be this weekend. I told you, whenever you’re free-“

Age 18

“Now that you’re making money, I think it’s only fair you treat your old man to a drink.”

Age 19

“New fancy contract, and you’re telling me you can’t afford to do something nice? For your own dad? C’mon, son, I’m not asking for a Porsche here-“

Age 20

“I’m not saying you have to like him, Jamie! But Simon’s important to me, and I’d like you to actually meet him before-“

Age 21

“-lazy, uninspired, waste of fucking space on the pitch! Is it any fucking wonder that Pep’s got you warming the bench for the real players when you’re out there bottling penalties? Hey. Hey! You fucking look at me when I’m talking to you-!“

Age 22

“I know you’re still screening my calls, but I just called to thank you for the flowers. I’d ask about your birthday, but I’m sure you already have plans.”

Age 22

SMACK.

Age 23

“Oh, babes, I wish you’d told me. I already promised my mum I’d go ‘round hers for the holiday. Only she’s just moved down here, and she hasn’t been able to meet anyone yet- no, you do not want to meet her, trust me. But hey, you have fun in Spain- wait you didn’t already buy the tickets, did you?”

Age 24

“Would you look at that? City wins on my son’s birthday, and he ain’t even here to see it. All because he let some stupid yank make him soft, and now he’s too much of a pussy to stick it out when things get tough. What’s wrong, junior? Did Roy Kent calling you little bitch on TV hurt your widdle feelings? Huh? You gonna cry? You gonna cry about it?-”

[“Dad”]: Don’t you fucking hang up on me

[“Dad”]: Jesus Christ, no need to be so sensitive

[“Dad”]: Did you sort my tickets for the next match?

Age 24

“Yeah, but, you know, some folks might also consider that buying affection, you know.”

Age 24

“Jamie? Oh… we didn’t expect you to call. No, it’s fine, we aren’t going anywhere; Simon’s tinkering around in the kitchen… You tried them? Really. That’s- ahem, of course. Of course I’ll let him know.

“SIMON! Jamie tried your gluten free lemon pound cake! He said it was ‘fucking tasty’! His words!

“Jam, Simon would like to know what your nutrition guidelines say about – love, is this a list?”

Age 24

[Isaac]: Alright, everyone. Jamie’s birthday is coming up, so it’s time to start making plans.

[Sam]: Did you remember to remove Jamie from the group chat before you sent the text?

[Isaac]: Shit

Age 25

“...and this is going to sound so weird, but I promise I am not a stalker. I’m Roy’s sister. Yes, that Roy. Uh, you may be aware that he has a niece – Phoebe, yes – and she has something important she would like to ask you.”

“Hi Jamie! It’s Phoebe! Would you like to come celebrate Uncle’s Day with us?”

Age 25

“I love it.”

[daitranscripts]

Sera Cutscene: High Approval

Inquisition Cookies

Sera Masterpost The PC approaches Sera in her room.

Sera: Hey, you! You have time? It’s not a question, let’s go. I’ve got something I want to do for you. Just come, you won’t need your gear and stuff.

Dialogue options:

Flirt: I’m ready for anything. [1] +Sera slightly approves (female Dalish/human PC) +Sera approves (female Qunari/dwarf PC)

General: What are you getting me into? [2]

General: I don’t have time for games. [3]

1 - Flirt: I’m ready for anything. PC: With you, I’ll do anything. Sera: I bet, yeah. Come on, let’s do it. [4]

2 - General: What are you getting me into? PC:Sera? Explain? Sera: Ugh, just come on, will you? I haven’t wanted to do this with anyone for a long time. [4]

3 - General: I don’t have time for games. PC: Whatever it is, it better not waste my time. Too much does that now. Sera: You can spare a few minutes, oh mighty Inquisitor. And you’ve never done this. [4]

4 - Scene continues.

Sera takes the PC out onto the roof.

PC: We’re eating. On a roof.

Sera: They’re horrible, right? And raisins, ugh! I frigging still hate cookies!

Dialogue options:

General: They’re fine, but this is odd. PC: No, no, it’s just that this is all a little confusing. ㅤㅤ ㅤ

General: This is not what I expected. PC: You know, this is about as far from what I expected as we could get. ㅤㅤ ㅤ

General: Why are we eating cookies? PC: Why am I sitting on a roof eating awful baked goods?

Sera: I got caught stealing when I was little, yeah? You get alienage or worse for that, but the “Lady Emmald” took me in. She was sick and couldn’t have children. I had no parents. It worked out. Anyway, she gets a year sicker, so I ask about her cookies. Because mums make cookies. I can pass that down, or something. Turns out, she couldn’t cook. She missed that talk with her mum. The ones she “made” she bought and pretended. Aw, right? Well, no, she was a bitch. She hid buying them by keeping me away from the baker. She did that by lying that he didn’t like me, didn’t like elves. She let me hate so she could protect her pride. I hated him so much, and I hated…

Sera pauses and looks away.

Sera: Well, she died, and I hate pride. “Pride cookies.”

Sera (if female PC flirted before): But! This is great. You’re great. So I thought maybe, me and you could make some… I don’t know, “us cookies”? Sera: But! This Inquisition thing is working out. So I figured I could make some… “Inquisition cookies”?

Sera: Because then I could like them again? Ugh, it’s stupid.

5 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: Emmald was nice. Why hate her? [6]

Confused: Baking sounds nice, but here? [7]

Pleased: I like you, but not cookies. [8]

Pleased: I think that’s a great idea. [9]

Angry: That is stupid, and immature! [10]

6 - Investigate: Emmald was nice. Why hate her? PC: I don’t understand. This Lady Emmald was just trying to be good to you. Sera: She hurt people. PC: It was just cookies. Sera: It was not just cookies! Lie to herself? Fair play, only hurts her. But she made me think there was something wrong with me! And the baker! I made his life shit. Why not? It seemed like he deserved it. I mean, “if you don’t give a child a cookie because of appearances, you’re a monster.” Stupid, pride-whore noble. I know, I said it was stupid. That’s why I want to get rid of it. I want to make better cookies.

7 - Confused: Baking sounds nice, but here? PC: This is grand, but why here instead of, I don’t know, somewhere with an oven?

Sera (romanced): Because I wanted us to be alone, so I could see how you reacted. In case, I don’t know, you laughed. [15]

Sera (not romanced): Because it feels weird to do this and I didn’t want anyone around, you know, laughing. Plus if they were bad, we could throw them at people? These are really bad. Frigging raisins.

Dialogue options:

General: I am laughing, but it’s good. [11] +Sera slightly approves

General: Throwing them sounds like fun! [12] +Sera approves

General: You don’t need this. Nor do I. [13]

11 - General: I am laughing, but it’s good. PC: It’s ridiculous but great. I’m glad you’re happy. Can we get off the roof now? Sera: Oh, yes, please. Smells like bird and dank. This part, not a good idea. Thanks, yeah? Feels good, this. Scene ends. ㅤㅤ ㅤ 12 - General: Throwing them sounds like fun! PC: Now you’re talking. Best two out of three on the well? Sera: (Laughs.) Knew I liked you. Bonus for bouncing off helmets. There’s a shout as the screen fades to black. Sera: Cassandra! You did it. Scene ends. ㅤㅤ ㅤ 13 - General: You don’t need this. Nor do I. PC: You’re happy you belong, I get it. You don’t need to drag me places for dubious baked goods. Sera: Well, fine. Thought it’d be fun. Stupid cookies. Thanks anyway. Seems like the rest of this could work out. Maybe. Scene ends.

8 - Pleased: I like you, but not cookies. PC: While I’m glad you want this, I’m afraid I don’t really like cookies. Sera: Really? They should be good, all sugar and… stuff. Doesn’t need to be cookies. [14]

9 - Pleased: I think that’s a great idea. PC: You know what? That would be great. Sera: See, I knew… wait, really? Because it seemed frigging daft every step to me. [14]

14 - Choice dependent dialogue:

Romanced [15]

Not romanced [16]

15 - Romanced Sera: Pissballs! I could have made a whole dirty thing about your biscuit! Or muffins! Muffins on the… on the roof. Because tits?

Dialogue options:

General: You’re wonderful and silly. [17]

General: Crude, but I still like you. [18] +Sera slightly approves

General: Not funny. [19]

17 - General: You’re wonderful and silly. PC: (Laughs.) Sera, this is silly, wonderful fun. Just like you. Sera: That’s good, right? Because the roof was a really bad idea. Can’t do it on the roof. [26] ㅤㅤ ㅤ 18 - General: Crude, but I still like you. PC: I wouldn’t have put it as crudely, but this was still a nice thing to do. Can we get off the roof now? Sera: Oh, yes, please. Smells like bird and dank. This part, not a good idea. Thanks, yeah? Feels good, this. Scene ends. ㅤㅤ ㅤ 19 - General: Not funny. PC: No, that’s too much. I’m not laughing. Sera: Well, fine. Thought it’d be fun. Stupid cookies. Thanks anyway. Seems like the rest of this could work out. Maybe. Scene ends.

16 - Not romanced Sera: Suppose it’s not really about them. I hate learning lessons. Makes my stomach hurt. Anyway, I’ll throw this rubbish away. Next time will be better, yeah?

Dialogue options:

General: I look forward to it. [20] +Sera approves

General: Once was enough. [21]

20 - General: I look forward to it. PC: Sera? Anytime. Can we get off the roof now? Sera: Oh, yes, please. Smells like bird and dank. This part, not a good idea. Thanks, yeah? Feels good, this. Scene ends. ㅤㅤ ㅤ 21 - General: Once was enough. PC: I think this was enough to get the gist. Sera: Well, fine. Thought it’d be fun. Stupid cookies. Thanks anyway. Seems like the rest of this could work out. Maybe. Scene ends.

10 - Angry: That is stupid, and immature! PC: It is stupid. You dragged me here to bad-mouth a sad, dead woman. Sera: It’s not about that. Feelings are hard, all right? PC: Not for an adult!

Choice dependent dialogue:

Romanced [22]

Not romanced [23]

22 - Romanced Sera: I just thought you’d want to know that I think you’re pretty great! That I made you shitty cookies!

Dialogue options:

Flirt: Then this is dumb but great! [24]

End Romance: Next time, spare me! [25] -Sera disapproves

24 - Flirt: Then this is dumb but great! PC: Well, I think this is dumb, but you’re great, too! Sera: Well, that’s just grand, then! PC: Then why are we still yelling? Sera: Because we can’t do it on a roof!

26 - Dialogue options:

General: Yes, we can, and should. [27] +Sera slightly approves

General: So let’s do it somewhere else. [28] +Sera slightly approves

General: No sex, but thanks for this. [29] +Sera slightly approves

27 - General: Yes, we can, and should. PC: My roof, my rules. Sera: Oh, I am going to break both. (Laughs.) Scene ends. 28 - General: So let’s do it somewhere else. PC: Then let’s get off this roof and have fun somewhere else. Sera: (Laughs.) “Get off.” You better start running. Scene ends. 29 - General: No sex, but thanks for this. PC: Let’s save that for another time. This was weird but nice? Can we get off the roof now? Sera: Oh, yes, please. Smells like bird and dank. This part, not a good idea. Thanks, yeah? Feels good, this. Scene ends.

25 - End Romance: Next time, spare me! PC: I have enough on my mind. I don’t need a brat wasting my time! Sera: Don’t worry, I won’t! PC: Good! Sera: Fine! PC: Watch your step! Sera: I will! Goodnight! Scene ends.

23 - Not romanced Sera: Bullshit! And I’m trying to say I like it here! I thought you’d want to know that, and eat my shitty cookies!

Dialogue options:

General: I’m annoyed but also grateful! [30] +Sera slightly approves

General: Hold on, let’s calm down! [31] +Sera slightly approves

General: I need allies, not brats! [32] -Sera disapproves

30 - General: I’m annoyed but also grateful! PC: I’m glad you’re here and I’m glad to have them! It’s still stupid! Sera: I know! PC: Good! Sera: (Laughs.) Pfft, knew this was a dumb idea. Come on, I need a drink. Should have just said thanks, yeah? So stupid. Scene ends.

31 - General: Hold on, let’s calm down! PC: Wait, why are we yelling? Sera: Because we’re friends now! PC: Well, then… Can we get off the roof now? Sera: Oh, yes, please. Smells like bird and dank. This part, not a good idea. Thanks, yeah? Feels good, this. Scene ends.

32 - General: I need allies, not brats! PC: Stay, find your place, but don’t waste my time! Sera: Don’t worry, I won’t! PC: Good! Sera: Fine! PC: Watch your step! Sera: I will! Goodnight! Scene ends.

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Running from the Flames {19}

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x OFC Warnings: 18+ only, fluff, slight angst - this is a work of fiction and the events are not based on reality. Chapter: One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine || Ten || Eleven* || Twelve || Thirteen || Fourteen || Fifteen || Sixteen || Seventeen || Eighteen || Nineteen || Twenty || under construction

Mum called Tuesday with an update. Pierre and I were curled up on the couch watching a rerun of The Grand Tour while Addie was lying across us having an afternoon nap, his hand softly stroking her hair while she slept. We all needed a rest after the busy morning spent showing Pierre our favourite parts of London and I regretted not taking my car when we went along High Street and bought more than we could really carry, but parking in the city was a bitch. 

Pierre paused the show when he saw me accept the video call and I introduced the two of them before greeting dad who was sitting to the side of the screen drinking a beer with his lunch. Pierre did a double take seeing dad in track pants and a singlet after only seeing him in pressed suits for work. 

“I’m guessing this isn’t a social call,” I commented as mum moved to her home office and put her reading glasses on.

“Unfortunately not. We need to talk about what our options are to deal with this.” She dropped the dossier of documents I had scanned through to her onto her desk with a loud thud. “The fastest option would be to offer a settlement out of court and pay Gordon for the damages, namely a broken nose and bruised ego.”

“Why should I give him a single penny? He came and harassed me!”

She sighed and rubbed at her temples just like I did when Addie was stressing me out. “We could countersue and file our own charges for breaching the restraining order. That would likely bankrupt him again because he can’t afford to drag out a case against us.”

“If he goes bankrupt again he will just have another axe to grind with me. I want him out of my life, not a reason to come at me again.”

“You’ve gotta work with me here, querida. Nothing is going to be a perfect solution,” she said as she sat back in her chair chewing the end of her pen.

“Could we go to court and see what a judge thinks of the case?”

“It would likely be a jury, not a judge, but I wouldn’t advise it. Have you read this?” she asked as she waved the papers around.

I looked down sheepishly and admitted, “Not all of it.” 

Mum knew that actually meant I hadn’t read any of it. “The stipulations of this would mean your passports are surrendered until the verdict is ruled, which would take considerably longer than the other options.”

I looked at Pierre as I digested the news. “So I would be stuck here?”

“You would be grounded, yes.”

I swallowed deeply at the thought and shook my head. I wasn’t willing to waste the time I had left with Pierre before I started work. I could already feel the date looming over me like a guillotine. “Offer a settlement. I don’t care what it takes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Maybe we should talk about this,” Pierre stopped me from answering with a hand on my thigh.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m coming with you to Canada next week, end of story.” I placed my hand on his and squeezed it before I looked back at mum with a nod. “Do it.”

“Okay, honey, I’ll give you an update when I have one. Drive safe tomorrow and give Adelaide a kiss from me.”

“Gracias, mamá. Hasta mañana.” I ended the video call and leaned back into Pierre’s shoulder with a sigh and expected to see him looking at me but he was staring intently at the tv though it was still on pause. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

He dragged his eyes away from the frozen Jeremy Clarkson and chewed on his bottom lip. “Are you sure you want to go with a settlement? Shouldn’t you think about it a little longer?”

“I’m not going to just stay stuck here while you’re halfway across the world.” Doubt started to creep in and I carefully shifted Addie so I could turn to face him. “I know a lot has happened in a short time and you said it was fine but if this is too much, just let me know. I’ll understand if…”

Pierre reached for my face and cupped my jaw as his lips pressed together. “I’m not going to leave you, Bri, so please stop suggesting it. I’m already having a hard time thinking about what happens after Belgium.”

I carefully shifted back into his arms but the stirring was still enough to wake Addie and she sat up, rubbing her bleary eyes as she murmured, “We go park now?”

“Mummy has to go see someone soon and Pierre is going to stay and play with you.”

“I’m happy to take her, if that’s alright with you?” he asked in French so she didn’t understand and get too excited in case I said no.

“If you’re up for it, there’s spare keys on the hook in the kitchen.” I checked my watch and saw I needed to leave soon to make it to Dr Pascoe’s office in time. I pulled Addie into my arms and hugged her tight as I told her the rules again. “Be the good girl I know you are and no running away. Listen to Pierre and do as he tells you, he wants to keep you safe. I love you.”

“Love you,” she said, planting a big wet kiss on my cheek before laughing and running to the shoe rack. “Let’s gooooo!”

“She was asleep 10 seconds ago,” Pierre said as he looked to his empty lap in dismay.

“She goes zero to 60 in 3.5.” 

Pierre got up and offered a hand, pulling me to my feet and into his arms. Every time we kissed I was amazed to find I was still on solid ground because I always got a little light headed and I expected to open my eyes and find myself in the clouds. 

“Je t’aime.” 

Kissing him left me dizzy but hearing those words made me swoon and I pressed my body closer, my hands sneaking beneath his hoodie so I could feel his muscles move beneath his smooth skin. I lost track of time as I stared into those mesmerising eyes of his and echoed, “I love you.”

–

I dropped Pierre and Addie off at the playground on my way to Dr Pascoe’s and my eyes kept lingering on them in the rearview as I left. There was always a big grin on Addie’s face when she was with Pierre and he was no different as they walked off holding hands. 

The image was still on my mind while I sat opposite Sarah and updated her on my latest epiphany. 

“Do you think I’m moving too fast?” I asked, even though I knew the next words that were going to come out of her mouth.

“Do you?”

“If I were an uninvolved third party, just spectating, I would say yes. But, I’m not and I don’t think so? I don’t even know if that makes sense. I think his profession doesn’t help because it's so dangerous, I mean last weekend he had a hell of a crash and I keep thinking if I hadn’t told him how I felt and he had been seriously injured, or worse, then I would have felt absolutely sick to my stomach.”

“Good, you are proactively thinking these things while making your choices, that is good.” She scribbled some notes down before flicking back a few pages and tapping what was written there. “And has anything happened since the incident with Trent Gordon?”

I groaned and shifted in the leather chair, my arms folding over my chest and she wrote down something new in her notepad. 

“I take that as a yes. Would you like to talk about it?”

It didn’t take much to start me off on that saga and bring her up to speed with the settlement and how Pierre reacted.

“Part of me thinks he doesn’t want me to go with him. Maybe this is too much baggage, it’s unfair of me to expect so much from him,” I said with a resigned sigh as I vocalised the worry that had been whispered in my head.

“Have you asked him?”

“Of course. He says he wants Addie and I with him wherever he goes.”

“Then you should trust his decision.”

“What if he’s just too nice to say anything? He seemed opposed to me making the settlement.”

“That is something you will have to discuss with him but perhaps he is worried you will resent him later on because he knows don’t want to give Mr Gordon the money. Is that something you think you may come to regret?”

“I don’t want to give Trent a single cent but this is just a simple transaction and that is how I am going to treat it. I know how fortunate I am that I am in a position to be able to value time over money because of my family. I want to spend my time with Pierre. So, if it takes giving that assho- sorry, that man some money to make that time possible then I will spend it without regret.”

“I think you should explain to him exactly what you said to me, it might just be what he needs to hear.” She looked up at the clock and closed her book as the hour ended. “We’ll have to work out the time differences but I think a quick catch up while you are away could be a good idea. And if you have any more nightmares or panic attacks, call the emergency number because I want to find out a little more about what’s triggering these again.”

I called Pierre as soon as I was out of the building and he said they were still at the playground. Addie had made a friend, unsurprisingly, and she didn’t want to leave. Pierre didn’t seem too concerned about spending so long in the park since he wasn’t as easily recognised by parents that were busy chasing their own kids around.

“Boo,” I whispered as I rose on my tiptoes and kissed his ear after sneaking up on him. He didn’t even flinch, merely chuckled as he pulled me around him and into his arms so my back was flush to his chest. “How did you know I was there? I dodged every twig and leaf.”

He pointed to the ground in front of us as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “Sorry, beautiful ninja, your shadow gave you away.”

“I’ll sneak something by you one day.” I waved at Addie when she spotted me and she waved back before climbing up the playground with the other little girl her age. “Is that her friend? What happened to her hair?”

Pierre chuckled nervously. “Her hair tie came out and it was getting in her face. I kind of tried to tie it back.”

I struggled to hold back the laughter and failed when Addie jumped down the ledge, the loose band falling away and releasing all her dark curls in a cascade. “Not a bad first attempt,” I said through the giggles, “but we’ll work on that.”

“It lasted a whole 5 minutes, just saying. I think that deserves a reward.”

I turned in his arms and peeked up at him from under my lashes as I licked my lips. “Yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“A few things,” he smirked before whispering in my ear, “all dirty things.”

Click here to for chapter twenty.

Tagging: @my-only-way-tocooperatewithlife

[thenasoneshots]

Blaine Oneshot - Love Story

Requested?: No (Please request…)

Prompt: None

Type of oneshot: Fluff/ kinda songfic

Reader's Relations: None

Warnings:  Mentions of Transphobia and bullying/there is that in this oneshot, if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t read this

Other notes: Reader is ftm trans in this, but the first part takes place before she reveals it to anyone, (M/n) means male name, for the majority of this oneshot, the reader will have he/him pronouns used. The reader also has dyslexia in this (It’s not a major plot point, but it’s mentioned a few times)

-------------------------

I took a deep breath as I pulled down the zipper of my jumper that had been concealing my ‘what I don’t like about myself’ (I don’t remember what they called it) t-shirt, revealing the word ‘gender’ with an ‘I’m trans’ in brackets underneath. The whole room went silent as the rest of the Glee Club stared at me, increasing my anxiety, “I-is something wrong? Did I miss-spell something?”

“No, you didn’t (Y/n). It’s just that’s not what any of us were expecting.”

I gulped, “O-oh… so, are you guys okay with it? I don’t feel right in my body.”

“Oh please, (Y/n). You’re just doing this to get attention.”

I looked up from my feet when I heard that come from Santana’s mouth, “W-what? Listen, I know you can be a bitch sometimes, but I’m not doing this for attention. I genuinely do not feel comfortable with my body, and if any of you respect my decisions, then you’ll call me (M/n) from now on,” I spoke, feeling the tears trying to escape my eyes as I turned around, zipping my jumper back up and leaving the choir room, before remembering and turning around, “And for the record, I thought Glee Club was a place where we could be ourselves, but I see that doesn’t apply to me. Mr Schuester, I’m leaving Glee Club.” That was the last thing I said before leaving the room properly, letting the tears fall now.

I made my way to a small secluded area of greenery on the school grounds that no one else seemed to know about as I never saw anyone else there, and sat down with my back against the tree I always did, curling up in a ball and sobbing my eyes out. Eventually, I calmed down a bit, and that’s when my conversation with my mother from a few weeks prior came into my head and I pulled out my phone, went onto her contact:

‘Remember that conversation we were having a few weeks ago? I’ve made my decision. I want to transfer.’

“(M/n)?! I know you’re here!” My ears perked up at the sound of my new name, and I realised that at least someone respected my decisions and smiled sadly when I looked up to see Kurt.

“Hi.”

Instead of giving me a response, Kurt sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug, “Let it out, (M/n). You’re still fabulous to me, no matter how you choose to identify.”

“Thanks, Kurt. I’m glad I’ve got a friend in you.”

He just smiled at me and squeezed me in a tighter hug, but before he could say anything, my phone pinged. I opened it up and saw a message from my mother, “Glad you’ve made a decision. I will email now about your transfer, see you later.”

I sent a ‘see you later’ back and sighed, leaning into Kurt more, “I’m going to tell you something, and you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay? Of, if it does come up, then you have to say that you don’t know why, okay?”

Kurt nodded and I wiped my eyes, “I’m transferring.”

“Okay. Not what I was expecting you to say. Am I allowed to know where?”

I nodded, “Dalton Academy. Before you start saying it’s an all-boys school, my mum knows of my… change in gender, and when she does all my transfer stuff, my new name will be used, thank you again for not using my dead name.”

------------------------------KURT’S POV

“Okay. Sectionals are coming up and we need to decide what song we are going to sing. Any suggestions?”

“Mr Schuester, aren’t we missing someone?”

“Right. Unfortunately, due to your inability to accept (M/n)’s decisions, he’s transferred schools, so will not be joining us.”

“What? (Y/n) is going to be competing against us?!”

“And it’s your fault, Santana. You were the one that started all the hate off,” I decided to speak up, standing up and turning to the cheerleader.

“Excuse me, I don’t recall asking for your opinion, Lady Hummel,” she replied getting closer to me. I just raised an eyebrow, “Really? Does it look like I care? Because I don’t care whether you asked for my opinion, at least I can speak the truth, and that truth is that (M/n) has transferred to a different school because of all the hate he was getting from you.”

“If you know so much, where did she transfer to?”

“I am not allowed to reveal that information. I am indeed aware of where (M/n) transferred but I have been asked not to reveal it, and you should respect that.”

------------------------YOUR POV

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bump into you!” I squeaked out, helping the black-haired male up after standing up myself, the two of us having fallen over.

“It’s alright. I should have been looki-Do I know you?”

“I don’t think so. I’m (M/n). I just transferred here so I’d be surprised if you did know me,” I replied, smiling.

“Oh right. I’m Blaine. Do you need help at all?”

I shook my head, “Not at the moment, but thank you for asking. I hope that offer is going to continue to stand.”

“Of course. If you ever need help, you can come to me.”

“Thank you,” I smiled.

--------------------------

“So, (M/n), truth or dare?”

I let out a small chuckle, “Truth.”

“What’s your orientation? Like what are you into?”

I just blinked in confusion, “Huh?”

“He means what’s your sexuality?”

“Oh. Well, it’s complicated. The best way to put it is that I’m into guys,” I replied, trying to hide my face.

“And why is that ‘complicated’?”

“That is confidential. You don’t need to know,” I responded, “If you’ve got a problem with the fact that I’d rather keep some of my personal life private, Sebastian, then you need to think again because it’s called a ‘PERSONAL’ life for a reason.”

--------------------------

“Are you nervous?”

“A little. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m completely freaking out. Look my nerves are all shot. This is my first competition performance since I transferred to Dalton, and I’m just scared I’m going to mess it up and-” I was cut off when Blaine grabbed my cheeks and kissed me. Before I could process it, he’d broken off and was apologising.

“There you two are! Positions, now. We’re on in a minute!”

Immediately, I moved away from Blaine, giving him a ‘we’ll talk about this later’ look as I dashed to the other side of the stage, making sure not to bump into anyone. I could feel myself shaking as I stood in the wings, waiting until it was time to go on stage.

“And now, please welcome to the stage, the Dalton Academy Warblers!”

I took one last deep breath, before walking on stage to the top of the set of ‘stairs’ (for lack of better word) on the stage, the rest of the Warblers taking their positions too, Blaine standing at the front of the stage. Soon it was time to start our performance, “We were both young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts. I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.” I sang, facing the front feeling the nerves leave my body once I’d started singing.

“See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns, see you make your way through the crowd and say "Hello",” Blaine sang as I made my way through the rest of the Warblers, walking down so that I was at the front too. We continued singing the song, thankfully me not forgetting any of my words or movements on the stage and soon we got to the ending, “Oh, oh-oh. I got tired of waiting,” I sung as Blaine and I were now standing not facing each other at the front of the stage.

“Wondering if you were ever coming around, my faith in you was fading when I met you on the outskirts of town and I said…” Blaine sang as I got out of the grip he’d previously had on me as I turned to face him, “‘Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think’. He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said.”

“‘Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone. I love you, and that's all I really know. I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress It's a love story, baby, just say yes.”

“Oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh.”

“'Cause we were both young when I first saw you,” I sang the final line looking Blaine directly in the eye. Once we were off stage, I released the breath I didn’t realise I was holding and wracked my hands through my short hair, trying to calm myself down. That’s when I felt a tap on the shoulder and I turned around to see Blaine standing there, an apologetic look on his face, “(M/n). I’m sorry about what happen-” I cut him off, “Don’t apologise. Just a question. What would you do if I asked you to kiss me again?”

His head shot up and he looked me directly in the eye, probably looking for any signs of hesitation. I waved a hand in front of his face, “Am I going to get an answer?”

“It depends, are you going to ask me to kiss you?”

I rolled my eyes, “Kiss me?”

Instead of a verbal response, Blaine just grabbed my upper arms and pulled me closer to him, kissing me, before breaking off, “There’s your answer. If you asked me to kiss you, I’d do it.”

I smiled, “That makes me happy to hear because I might just ask you to do it again,” I smirked, booping him on the nose, “And for the record, I like you romantically. I’m not just trying to get you to kiss me for the fun of it.”

---------------------------END OF ONESHOT

I’m just going to leave this here… I probably could add more, but ehh

[notinthislife50]

Chapter 27

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

You kicked in the door and entering the room you raised your arms,  smiling sarcastically 

“Interrupting something Sammy?.”

“Y/N,  what are you doing here. Is?” he stopped.

“Is what Sam?” you raised an eyebrow, smirking,  knowing exactly what he was going to ask you.

“Am I alone,  or is your brother here?” you scowled “Let’s ask him ourselves, shall we?.”

As soon as the words left your mouth Dean walked through the door.

“Anything we should know? “ Dean asked, “Who the hell is she?” pointing at the woman.

“Think you hit the nail on the head there Dean,  look at her “ Who does she smell like,” you replied.

“Ruby,  please tell me she is wrong Sam” Dean begged, looking at his brother.

“Hi Dean, ” Ruby smirked,  causing Dean to launch at her. Sam tackled Dean off Ruby,  giving Ruby the chance to hit him, and with that, you saw red. You grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head first into the locker as you turned her around,  you grabbed your throat “Hit me” you spat “Hit me,” your anger increased but she stood still. She stared at you and when she looked at Sam. You grabbed her face to look at you “Why can’t you hit me?”

“Y/N” Sam begged “Let her go.”

“No!” you snarled.

“Y/N” Dean said softly “Let’s go.”

As you stood for a minute staring at Ruby,  you let her go.

“Well aren't you the obedient little bitch” she laughed, but suddenly she found herself on her knees with blood coming from her mouth.

“Come on sweetheart” Dean turned to you. Wiping the blood from his knuckles he grabbed your arm and you both walked towards the door.

“Dean,  Y/N,  come on, ” Sam pleaded.

“Y/N?” Sam grabbed your arm but you turned to face him with such venom in your face,  he let go and looked at the ground.

Back in your room, you stood in the doorway as Dean finished packing his bags.

“Dean,  please don't leave “Sam begged.

But Dean ignored him, Sam looked at you and you looked away so he tried again with Dean.

But filled with betrayal and anger Dean punched Sam shouting at him how other hunters would come for him if they knew about him.

Sam tried to defend himself,  explaining how many people he had saved and how he had to fight on his own when Dean had been gone.

Tears filled your eyes “You ignored me, Sam,  for months you ignored me.”

“Well tell Dean why,” he shouted at you.

You looked at him confused.

“Oh,  don’t act like you don’t know what’s going on. Tell Dean about you Y/N” Ruby smiled wide standing beside Sam “Tell him who your betrothed is,”

Dean looked at you,  betrayal in his eyes.

“Bulldog no,  I didn’t lie to you,  I didn’t know” you pleaded.

“But you had an idea,” Ruby said.

“No,  I didn’t actually,  because no one would give me an actual answer,” you argued.

“Well let me,” Ruby grinned looking at Dean, “Your girl here,  well she is gonna be the birth mum of Lucifer’s spawn.”

Dean looked at you with disgust “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because it’s not true, “ you said.

“Oh put it is,” Ruby laughed.

You finally lost your temper and punched her and when you turned to Dean he pushed past you out the door.

As you chased him down you stood in the middle of the car park “Dean I was never one hundred percent sure, I promise I was trying to find the truth before I told you.”

“You could have even told me your suspicions,” Dean argued

“I know I'm sorry,  but I thought it was a scare tactic. I thought all the snide comments were a plot to get between us.” you sighed.

“You honestly didn’t know” he turned to face you.

“Dean I genuinely thought they were just messing with me. Even when I went to that town I was the only one without powers,  I  still don’t have any,  I thought my involvement was all a mistake.”

But you could see the doubt in his face and before you could plead again Sam came out “We have a case.”

You sat in the car in an awkward silence,  until Sam asked where Dean had been. Then Dean told Sam all bout his trip back to their mum’s past. As you listened to the demon blood conversation you didn’t speak a word.

As you finished up the case on the Rougarou you were all exhausted and walking on eggshells.

At one point Sam yelled at Dean for judging you both and thinking you were both evil even when you weren’t. Sam confirmed he didn’t know how to handle his powers the same way you didn’t actually know about Lucifer but Dean didn't want to listen.

But it lead you all to try to talk to the victim before you had to kill them. Even though it felt pointless.

While in the car Dean tried to say he was sorry for his quick judgment but Sam butted in “Dean, I can’t make you understand me.”

And when Dean told Sam he wasn’t alone. You leaned your head against the window as you knew he wasn’t talking to you.

Of course, he wasn't,  how would anyone want to be involved with Lucifer’s surrogate.

When you finally pulled up to the motel you stated “I'm gonna catch a bus back to the roadhouse.”

Sam started to argue “It’s okay Sammy but I'm not gonna stay somewhere where I'm not wanted,  I had too much of that in my life.” And you headed down the road to the nearest bus stop.

As you walked you heard Dean behind you “Y/N “

But you didn’t stop.

“Y/N,  please,” he said grabbing your arm to try and get you to stop but you shrugged it off.

He finally stood in front of you grabbing your shoulders “I'm sorry,” he pleaded.

But it was too late. You had seen the way he had looked at you and it was something you could never get out of your head.

As you boarded the bus you turned to him and you whispered “ I swear Dean,  I wasn't one hundred percent sure, If I was I would have told you. Really,  I would have told you. I just wish you had of had some faith in me “you turned got in the bus and headed for the roadhouse never wanting to see Dean Winchester again

@mikaylalala13 @fraidoftedark

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Morning After Masterlist

A Mild Disaster (ao3) - alseeptoday Calum/Ashton E, 7k (WIP)

Summary: Calum and Ashton have very drunken spur of the moment sex and Calum can't quite figure out why he liked it so much...

Calum tried to remember what had led up to this but the alcohol was severely clouding his memory. That and the mouth on his neck was sending distracting shivers down his spine.

Baby, This is All I Could Be (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Ashton, Michael/Calum N/R, 7k

Summary: The trust Luke places in him breaks Ashton’s heart because he’s crushed Luke, and maybe they’re both too far gone to be saved. In all honesty, Ashton doesn’t even remember hitting Luke, he almost never does. But he knows. He knows he’s angry when he’s drunk just like his mum is, and he knows that he probably hits hard, he hits things for a living, after all. Knowing all of this, Ashton is just astounded by the strength his boy carries on his frail shoulders. Luke carries his whole world, and Ashton repays him with a broken heart and a bruised face.

Or, part two of Promising Everything I Do Not Mean, the morning after

Cloudy, with a chance of me being a bitch (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Ashton M, 919

Summary: Sometimes you go to hard without noticing. But ohh how that changed in the morning.

Or, Luke is sore the morning after, and not all that happy about it.

falling fast, breathing slow (ao3) - jbhmalum Michael/Luke M, 2k

Summary: "His hand slides down under the sheet to the other's to find it much smaller than his own, skin soft and smooth and a different kind of familiar that he can't quite place. He lets his fingers glide over the bony knuckles, the movement bringing out a contented sigh from the mouth growing closer to his neck, and he shivers at the feeling it leaves in him."

*

OR Luke wakes up next to the wrong person.

how do you like your eggs in the morning? i like mine with a kiss (ao3) - orphan_account Calum/Ashton, Michael/Luke M, 2k

Summary: Ashton doesn't know how he got lucky enough to have the most beautiful boy in the world standing butt naked in his kitchen making him breakfast on a Saturday morning but hey, he isn't complaining.

i didn't know that i was starving till i tasted you (ao3) - irwah Michael/Ashton E, 3k

Summary: 'we just had sex and it's the morning after and i woke up to an empty bed and how could i be so stupid of course you left me alone but wait you're in my kitchen cooking me breakfast and i'm so relieved' au

In The Dark (Like Meteorites) (ao3) - dafeedil Michael/Calum/Ashton E, 26k

Summary: Ashton falls for Calum at a nightclub, and then for Calum's boyfriend, too.

I Thought Heaven Can't Help Me Now (He's So Bad But He Does It So Well) (ao3) - Migs Michael/Luke E, 6k

Summary: Luke is Michael's favourite camboy that often comes to Calum's coffee shop.

Love is Never Simple (ao3) - FayeHunter Luke/Ashton E, 2k

Summary: Ashton returns the favor for the blowjob at the club

the greatest tragedy of them all is to never feel the burning light (ao3) - orphan_account Michael/Calum N/R, 1k

Summary: michael is hopelessly in love, and calum will only love him when he’s drunk. they talk.

White Noise (ao3) - merlypops Luke/Ashton E, 7k

Summary: 'Luke had high expectations for the evening and, somehow, he kind of knew Ashton wasn't going to disappoint him. Then again, the older boy could give Luke the world's worst hand job and he'd probably still love it. Crushes were the worst. Except when you got to have sex with your crush. Then they were pretty damn great.'

Luke and Ashton have massive crushes on each other, Ashton throws a party, and all of Luke's dreams come true. (Maybe they're a tiny bit in love too. Maybe.)

You Were A Vision In The Morning When The Light Came Through (You Were Red) (ao3) - Migs Michael/Calum E, 2k

Summary: The morning after.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze Pt.4

Fraze: [I love this peak romance for y’all, hence I shall keep it going by having him actually hold her hand after he’s taken this cigarette to eventually stub out when y’all have eventually smoked it down to a nub with this back and forth, running his thumb over her knuckles exactly how he kissed them on what I’m gonna say is the other hand, nbd]

Bea: [you can’t close your eyes this time, instead purposely maintain eye contact and don’t look down at your hands that are now clasped together because not acknowledging it is the ultimate form of acknowledging it in this moment ‘ready?’ like this was a scheduled break and y’all can continue your lil walk on home]

Fraze: [readjust the flower in her hair like that is something vital you must do before continuing and it isn’t just that you literally can’t stop touching her in the softest ways now you’ve let yourself properly start ‘born it’ because he’s that bitch, ready for anything ever, no fucks given]

Bea: [a nod of approval because absolutely vital in our opinion too ‘will think I’ve joined them’ at baby Roali and their hippie vibes but obviously you look nothing but classic beauty as per]

Fraze: [‘take it out before then’ could be purely in a not getting caught way but it’s really this is just for me and you and nobody else way, which is in his eyes plain as day, as is the unspoken but keep it though]

Bea: [‘they’d only want some’ as if these flowers are, like the cigarettes, something we’re not sharing with any of the others because how we feel, not soz to these gals at all, pick your own huns]

Fraze: [an unimpressed noise of agreement, because it’s true, they would, looking at you too Thomas, and none of you are having any bye]

Bea: [looking at him and giving his hand a squeeze ‘secrets safe with me’ ‘cos we’re not going to let the world know how romantic you are, mainly because we can’t but we’re also just not that bitch]

Fraze: [‘4 kids max, yeah?’ which he’s saying as full shade to the little ones like it should just be y’all + joeray at the most existing, but that is actually the number of kids y’all have if we stick to our evil plan of giving you a dead baby, so I’m fine]

Bea: [raising both your brows like oh ONLY four, is it? ‘Easy for you to say’ like you’re not the one pushing these children out, thank you lol ‘I don’t get why your mum keeps doing it’ imagine if Tess was restarting now with Rocky, oh my lord]

Fraze: [the biggest smirk like oh come on don’t be a pussy without actually saying it because he’s not trying to get beaten up by her on this walk back, a shrug at Tess’ life choices though because we could get into why but that’s heavy and we still have time to just be before we have to step back into the fam drama]

Bea: [pushing him with the arm that is holding his like ugh, typical boy ‘why do you want any?’ as a genuine question]

Fraze: [‘why wouldn’t I?’ as genuinely because this boy is bigheaded and thinks he’s great and would slay and tbf he’s not wrong]

Bea: [when you don’t wanna go over the general state of affairs because that would be patronizing and depressing so you just give a look that you hope conveys as much lmao]

Fraze: [‘come on’ like that’s all the convincing she needs, because not trying to seriously in this moment ‘half as smart and pretty as you, well decent odds’ because literally half her so]

Bea: [making a face like idk about that ‘only half the odds I have’ like I personally would not be taking them nor betting on it, but obviously this is all said playfully because yeah, you’re not about to do any of this right now]

Fraze: [just nudging her playfully ‘I’ll get what I want’ like it’s a given that he’ll win, echoing what she said before, rudely cos she said we but you know]

Bea: [‘don’t worry, I’ll save you from that fate’ like it’s that bad of an idea and we’ll never let it happen, winking at you like you’re so welcome]

Fraze: [‘can’t save anyone, you know that’ cos I can and will bring this line back again even though he said it earlier in this very same convo, I don’t care, tucking her hair behind her other flowerless ear just because]

Bea: [‘just myself’ ‘cos done it before and we’ll do it again, literally, folding your arms]

Fraze: [unfolding her arms and wrapping his around her, resting his head on the top of hers again]

Bea: [have this hug moment lads, you’re not in a mega rush here, put your arms around him too so he knows this isn’t under duress]

Fraze: [just the quietest happy sigh anyone has ever done but very important that he’s doing it because she’s hugging him back]

Bea: [‘I bet [Amber Heard] talked to him today’ after we’ve been in this hug as a, we’re going to deal with them too, if not ‘save’ them, vibe because y’all have a sneaky plan you’re executing]

Fraze: [pull back so she can see your face and know that as much as you are grossed out by that you’re also buzzing about it because god bless baze who really do think this plan will work and they can save joeray with it, my sweet summer children]

Bea: [rolling your eyes but more at them than at him like yeah, I know, ‘cos this girl is clearly her own kind of unhinged and that’s not even covering joeray, makes me lol ‘cos he is clearly gonna get with her but I can’t say much is achieved with it, Ray is too far gone girls]

Fraze: [she is, but I get y’all wanting to have hope, because you’re all so young and there really would be so much time to turn this around if she was even slightly like y’all but alas, anyways, start walking again, it’s all you can do]

Bea: [get your phone out and be texting this gal getting subtle feelers ‘cos you are that bitch and it is something you can do in this moment]

Fraze: [be peeping because we know you care and want this plan to work too]

Bea: [obviously happily showing you, whatever this gal is saying and however far she’s gone with her hoe mission today]

Fraze: [openly judging her with his face and whatever swear words or whatever he’s saying in response cos she is unhinged and we’ve always said that]

Bea: [shrugging like I know ‘she’s a slag’ clearly true ‘so is he’ like it’s a match made in heaven, ‘cos we all remember when Fraze freaked out about his ex gf before she was]

Fraze: [an unimpressed noise again because he’s judging you both now but nodding in agreement because they are for that reason and the reason he said at the time which is they’re both cray]

Bea: [just tell him some of the mad things she’s told you at swimming ‘cos clearly that type to wanna chat all about how wild she is]

Fraze: [‘dunno how you’ve stopped yourself drowning her’ because she’s clearly annoying af purely in this re-telling]

Bea: [‘when we’re in the pool, I can’t hear her’ ‘cos a huge appeal of swimming is that you’re shutting off your senses for however long you’re swimming lowkey lol so shut your mouth and focus hen ‘locker room talk isn’t as much of a lad’s club as we’re led to believe’ rolling your eyes but you at least find it amusing or you wouldn’t tolerate it]

Fraze: [putting his hands over her ears for no reason except to touch her because you wanna, carefully so you don’t crush the flower, but like yep I get it, shut off, letting her go after a sec and playing with her hair then]

Bea: [putting your hands over his mouth like fyi that’s where you need to do it if you want me to shh but you did also stop talking when he touched you so not really]

Fraze: [doing it just because you wanna see how it feels and what she’ll do, being immediately !! with it like you are about to kidnap her or something lol, because no chill or treading lightly here, me being reminded of joeray and screaming, oh the contrasts and parallels]

Bea: [not you fighting him ‘cos if you’re doing this it’s not a game ever lmao]

Fraze: [we love to see it, nobody more than this boy, fuck him up gal truly lol]

Bea: [just here kicking and letting our head fly, only thing we’re not doing is screeching ‘cos then people would think this was for real and might need to get involved lol]

Fraze: [imagine if you literally witnessed a boy carrying a girl kicking and screaming down the street, oh lads you send me, soz they are having too much fun rn]

Bea: [you must look like you’re playfighting enough that the passersby are staying out of it ‘cos truly]

Fraze: [or they’re assuming you’re only playfighting cos you’re literal children but yeah]

Bea: [regardless, tah for not ringing the cops everyone, we’re just vibing]

Fraze: [eventually you’ll have to put her down and once again makeout with her because too into how much she fought you then, which isn’t exactly better in terms of being extra, but you won’t get arrested for it anyway]

Bea: [kissing you so aggressively to carry on the mood ‘bastard’ like it’s another pet name here that you’re trying on]

Fraze: [gripping her hips throughout this entire makeout as if he’s gonna pull her underwear off and they are gonna go at it right here and right now immediately, but obvs not actually, such a big hot lol when she calls him a bastard cos love it, kissing her as aggressively so she knows it]

Bea: [making noises that are essentially wordless ? but very much in an, oh yeah, what are you gonna do? vein, like we’re not wondering, we know what you’re acting like you’re about to do and we’re only questioning you to further this play]

Fraze: [me like DON’T you DARE sir, knowing damn well that he will because he’s getting egged on by her and is that bitch who can never back down ever, where even are y’all, have some decorum please, but no he doesn’t, please at least have the sense to only pull them down a little bit so the whole world doesn’t know about it, it’s not st paddy’s and you can’t be feralling that hard in these streets]

Bea: [me like you know this girl and yet you can’t back down either yet, okay, we’ll just be here then, soz you’re too similar in that regard, just LOOKING at you ‘now what?’]

Fraze: [mhmm, backing yourselves into corners always because you can’t be the person who backs down first, like now, he’s absolutely gonna have to touch her, there’s no alternative, you’ve walked right into it and all we can do is pray for a quiet street or hope y’all have some privacy somehow]

Bea: [the most you can do is hold onto him and pull him into you too so there isn’t space between y’all for anyone to see anything really, which we are doing the second you touch us]

Fraze: [obviously then putting his fingers into his mouth to echo the antics of when her fingers were in his, not even doing it to put on a whole show, though it lowkey is a bit of spectacle just cos he looks hot doing it, you just want to before you touch her again]

Bea: [‘I hate you’ ‘cos so sincerely want to do this right now because of all the things you’re doing and how you look doing them]

Fraze: [‘you love me’ as sincerely, while doing the absolute most like see, I told you/I knew it]

Bea: [‘you’re a prick’ as seriously as you can muster when you’re trying not to totally give in to the sensation]

Fraze: [‘yeah’ and his face in the smirking emoji af because can’t help but be the most smug he’s ever been in the face of how hard she’s trying not to lose it]

Bea: [‘you know what I want’ like why aren’t you doing it, even though we all know why, turning our face away from him moodily]

Fraze: [using his other hand to turn her face back to his, gently in contrast to how he’s been doing it when shaking her head all those other times ‘I ain’t that much of one’ like I can never be that prick who puts you in the kind of position where you’re my mother and having babies left and right at such a ridiculously young age]

Bea: [doing a big sigh which could be purely like yeah, tell me about it, pisstaking energy but it isn’t ‘cos we’re also just overwhelmed by it all]

Fraze: [giving her the softest and quickest kiss he ever has ‘and I know what else you want’ aka more out of life than just him and this, because even at just having turned 13 he believes with his whole heart that she could do better than him if she wanted to, as a fact not a sob story]

Bea: [gotta pull your pants up and get yourself together because this has become awkward through neither of your faults but it has, start walking girl]

Fraze: [you too hun, you gotta]

Bea: [one way to get you home lmao]

Fraze: [otherwise we literally never would]

Bea: [at least no one is batting an eyelid to you running upstairs to change because you cannot be smelling how you smell rn, gonna need to take a shower honestly but that’s not something we can contemplate with only 2 bathrooms so spritz yourself in perfume and hope for the best with your change of clothes too]

Fraze: [we all know it’s all that hair that’s the issue but mcvickers are checked out and joeray are doing much worse clearly so you’ll be fine]

Bea: [if Ray is here then we know the girls are already fighting lol]

Fraze: [luckily she probably isn’t because I feel like she tries to avoid being around baby Rocky at all costs thanks to how that mental illness has hit and she thinks she can hear him crying constantly even when he isn’t and that he’s looking at her with evil intent or whatever though he clearly is not, so you’re welcome you get to avoid that]

Bea: [soz there’s no more evidence of your plan working then lads but now it’s gone awkward I feel like we’re going to go to our room and do our homework for a sec, after at least saying hi to Tess so she doesn’t think you’re in some mood she needs to come talk to you about]

Fraze: [valid, he absolutely won’t be doing his homework ever lol but you can go to the shop and steal everything you could possibly want if you didn’t on the way back to keep yourself amused or kick a ball about in the garden or something if you already did that sir]

Bea: If you were still planning to take him out to avoid chores, better do it before the sun goes in or she won’t want you to

Fraze: I don’t wanna if you’re not coming

Bea: It’d be weird now

Fraze: then I ain’t planning on it

Bea: okay, can you kick your ball against another wall then

Fraze: [of course he’s kicking it harder against the wall she just asked him not to, oh hun]

Bea: that’s mature

Fraze: least I don’t pretend no different

Bea: how does that make it any better?

Fraze: than you reckoning doing your homework makes you dead mature? I dunno, you tell me

Bea: You’re the one that thinks it, I’ve never said anything remotely like that

Fraze: nah, I don’t reckon there’s a difference between us

Bea: bold claim

Fraze: calling you as immature, not bigging myself up with it, like

Bea: no, I get it

Bea: that doesn’t mean we’re alike

Fraze: have that and hold tight to it, if it makes you feel better, babe

Bea: I’m good?

Bea: you’re the one being weird

Fraze: You’re the one hiding, come out if you’re good

Bea: Why? 

Bea: we aren’t going anywhere

Fraze: we can

Bea: no, we can’t

Fraze: with that attitude I’m not taking you nowhere

Bea: that’s enough adventure for one day

Fraze: like I said, change your attitude and I’ll see you on whatever day the new one sticks

Bea: Stop trying to tell me what to do

Fraze: Stop fronting you give a shit about school after sacking it off to spend most of the day with us

Bea: it isn’t going to become a regular occurrence 

Bea: I only did that ‘cos you’d been ignoring me for ages before 

Fraze: and now I ain’t you’re gonna do your homework, yeah?

Bea: When I need to do it, yes

Bea: dunno why that’s such a mad concept to you

Fraze: it’s a bullshit excuse, I dunno why you reckon I’d let it stand when we both know that

Bea: being around you isn’t an option

Fraze: being ‘round me isn’t optional, end of

Bea: so I can’t have five minutes to deal with what that means now?

Fraze: I’ve not stopped you

Bea: you’re moaning about it

Fraze: you messaged us so don’t start on me

Bea: oh whatever, stop kicking the fucking football right at me, it’s doing my head in

Fraze: you can tell me what to do though, can you?

Bea: I’m asking you to, you’re clearly under no obligation or I’d have punctured it by now

Fraze: go ahead, might calm you down

Bea: you’d only find another way to be irritating

Fraze: [do stop kicking this ball at her]

Bea: couldn’t you try showing your brother how to kick that thing?

Bea: idk what they’re doing but it’s worse than when Ray plays her shit music

Fraze: Made up that you’ve not properly lost your sense of humour 

Bea: he must have good coordination 

Fraze: borrow Ali’s stage and put on your own family talent show, fuck do I know what he’s good at

Bea: You understand the concept of dancing, surely

Fraze: he don’t, you can’t call it that, them cunts beating each other up to music

Bea: Oh, no, I meant the brother even you forget you have

Bea: not the big one or the one that’s barely out

Fraze: then you mean the other sister I’ve got, should’ve said

Bea: Yikes

Fraze: loads of us, need to be clearer about which fucker you’re fed up of

Bea: we can just assume it’s everyone, but I’ll survive, not going to put my own dramatics on about it

Fraze: charming

Bea: like you feel any different

Fraze: about you I do, would’ve said that was a given

Bea: don’t say you aren’t sick of me right now, easiest way to let me know you’re bullshitting

Fraze: [just throw all the surprise gifts like her fave sweets you got for her at the shop at her door, in their plastic bag, much like how you were hammering the football against the wall, gotta let you know that included is one of the random magazines newsagents always have especially in the era, and this one is about houses and idk probably decor and stuff but the point is there’s a house like the one she described wanting in it which is why he stole it]

Bea: [waiting and then trying to open your door as quietly as possible about this because do not wish to be perceived, then giving you time to go through this bag properly]

Bea: you can come in, if you want

Fraze: I don’t want

Bea: alright

Fraze: nah, it isn’t

Bea: I don’t know what you want

Fraze: you’re bullshitting, that’s what you reckon

Bea: you’re the one who told me to be smart

Fraze: I didn’t say turn back into the same headcase as before and give us nothing but grief

Bea: nice

Fraze: whatever, you’re pure winding me up for fuck all reason

Bea: you started it

Fraze: and I’ll finish it, always, keep this up and it’ll be easy for me

Bea: fucking go ahead

Fraze: What the fuck’s wrong with you?

Bea: call us a headcase and threaten to chuck us in the space of a minute 

Bea: definitely a me problem

Fraze: you’ve been off with me the whole way back, from then it’s been a you problem, yeah

Bea: because we’re back, this is real life

Fraze: and?

Fraze: You’re the smart one, I shouldn’t need to break it to you everything what went on before we were back was as real, Bea

Bea: so you’re finding this all so easy, are you

Fraze: I never said it was easy, but what the hell is the point taking how hard it is out on you?

Fraze: we’re meant to be a fucking team

Bea: I feel like it’s written on my fucking forehead

Fraze: One of the girls in this house would cut you a fringe

Bea: I wouldn’t let any of them near me with scissors

Fraze: just as well it’s bullshit then

Bea: it’s not, it’s obvious

Fraze: to who?

Bea: everyone, you’re even worse than me

Fraze: It’s been obvious to everyone I’ve been in love with you since I was [however old they were, I can’t remember because we changed it]

Fraze: what’s happened? 

Fraze: no cunt under this roof gives a shit how I feel

Bea: nothing ever happens

Bea: someone is gonna get hurt

Fraze: Probably, but it won’t be you or me, and not ‘cause of this

Fraze: stop wrecking your own head

Bea: if everything goes to shit, then getting rid of us is an easy fix to those problems, me and you, how Ro is

Fraze: it ain’t gonna come down to nothing like that, they’re not like that

Fraze: but if it did, you go, I fucking go

Bea: if she went into care, she’d never get out

Fraze: so we don’t let her go in, whatever it takes

Bea: she’s all I have left of before

Fraze: I know

Fraze: we’ll figure it out before it gets that bad

Bea: I make up for how she is by being good

Bea: if your parents reckon I’m fucking you up then there’s that good grace gone

Fraze: We’re not gonna get caught, never

Bea: yeah?

Fraze: I swear on all them little fuckers lives, you can trust me

Bea: okay

Fraze: I love you too much to fuck up yours

Bea: it wouldn’t be your fault, I’m the one who can’t not feel like this about you

Fraze: I can’t either, you know how hard I’ve tried

Bea: maybe if I’d tried harder to let you

Fraze: don’t

Bea: you haven’t even seen headcase, like

Fraze: no, I ain’t ‘cause you’re not, there’s fuck all wrong with you or how you feel

Bea: shrinks always say that but they don’t mean it

Fraze: they don’t know you, I do, I can say it and mean it

Bea: I just don’t know how to hide it

Fraze: We barely need to, we’re already only here when we’ve gotta be, the rest’s school and out doing what we wanna 

Bea: don’t you get tired?

Fraze: yeah, but what good’s it do us?

Bea: that’s what a home is meant to be, where you get to hide from the rest, not a place you have to avoid

Fraze: that’s what ours’ll be then

Fraze: I can wait

Bea: that’s going to take a long time

Fraze: it’s worth it, I don’t care

Bea: if you’re there, that’s not nothing

Fraze: I’ll always be there for you, no cunt can stop me

Bea: sorry

Fraze: don’t 

Bea: I just hate lying, like it’s wrong

Fraze: It ain’t lying if nobody asks us and they won’t ‘cause they’ve got their hands full, like

Bea: suppose so

Fraze: and we know it’s not wrong neither, none of what we’ve done or are gonna do

Bea: it just looks bad on paper, for them

Fraze: it isn’t getting wrote down nowhere, not this time

Bea: or talked about

Fraze: exactly, I was a kid, I didn’t know no better, but I do now

Bea: it’s normal, to wanna talk about it

Fraze: I’ll talk to you if I’ve got fuck all to say

Bea: will you?

Fraze: ‘course

Bea: you’re not much of a talker

Fraze: I don’t feel the need to make a show of myself like the rest, I ain’t sorry for that

Bea: me either

Fraze: if it needs saying, I’ll say it

Bea: alright, alright

Bea: you’re the perfect amount of talkative 

Fraze: alright, calm down

Fraze: read your magazine or something

Bea: quite the brush-off

Bea: I’ve already seen you dump someone, I know how savage you are

Fraze: it’s you turning me all red here, shut up

Bea: and you wonder why I was hiding in my room

Bea: where are you now?

Fraze: I’m going to mine

Bea: can I come in if I share my sweets?

Fraze: deal

Bea: [wait ‘til you hear him open and close his door before coming or you’ll meet him on the landing and can’t possibly be looking that keen lol, knocking too]

Fraze: [coming to the door and opening it for no reason whatsoever when you could just tell her to come in, but then you don’t get to pull her in by her sleeve/wrist if she doesn’t have long sleeves so we get why you simply must]

Bea: [you really gotta, soz, we will accept nothing less, happily being pulled into this room because we missed you during our freakout and no longer want to be spiralling, throw these sweets onto his bed with your other hand]

Fraze: [leaving this door ajar so it doesn’t look like they are up to anything sus and so they can spy on whatever anyone else is doing with their comings and goings in case they are in fact getting up to things and don’t wanna be caught lol, but for me it’s the way his other hand is immediately touching her hair and ear where the flower was earlier but obvs isn’t now, then her behind the ear lovebite and the one on her neck]

Bea: [resting your head against his hand and doing a sigh like you’ve been holding your breath this entire time, cupping his face so you can touch that jawline lovebite you gave him, before lightly tugging on the earlobe you got too ‘hey’ said like an apology because it is one, obviously, we’re speaking quietly but not straight up whispering which would sound sus should anyone overhear]

Fraze: [shaking his head at the apology tone of that hey, like the don’t of earlier, because she doesn’t need to apologise, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on the top of her head how he likes to do]

Bea: [making a noise that is like a BUT without literally saying the word, still we’re hugging you back, running our hands up your back and across your shoulders]

Fraze: [making a shh noise to her but noise but really softly not like stfu, picking her up and carrying her over to his bed, sitting her down so carefully so said bed doesn’t make a single noise, at least that’s his excuse he’s just actually being soft rn, picking up the sweets once she’s been put there, moving them to his bedside table which is a lil bar cart, so that bag doesn’t be loud either if they move about on this bed, and putting one in his mouth, all without taking his eyes off her]

Bea: [getting yourself comfy, propping up the pillows so y’all can sit and chill, likewise not looking away ‘cos unable to, didn’t even want a sweet ‘til you decided to be so hot about it ‘aren’t you gonna share with me?’]

Fraze: [idk what her fave sweets are but regardless he will be kissing her and sharing that way by moving this sweet back and forth between y’all’s mouths, nothing else would be acceptable rn I’m soz, so hopefully it’s a boiled sweet kind like his and not something that’s gonna be really sticky and messy lol]

Bea: [I can’t remember if we ever said but it should definitely be cherry drops vibe because that’s the energy and will serve us now lol, when you aren’t allowed to be loud about this so you have to focus all your energy into making it the most dramatic kiss of all time ‘cos you’re so into it]

Fraze: [I don’t think you have ever said but regardless that’s a mood and what it’ll be from now on, love that for y’all, oh the absolute drama of this kiss is really it, not at all casually as if you haven’t seen each other for months and years, his hands could not be more in her hair either, both of them, I’m sure she probably put it back up when she got changed and he’s absolutely pulling it down rn]

Bea: [here digging our nails into your arm, that we’re holding onto to steady ourselves, clearly, because no other way to adequately get across our !!]

Fraze: [meanwhile he’s getting across his !! by pulling her on top of him as if she weighs literally nothing at all, which we know at this age is lowkey true but still a hot move nevertheless]

Bea: [the quickest of glances towards the door before reaching under whatever you put on and unhooking your bra, tucking it under his pillow because you wanted him to have it]

Fraze: [all his focus going on looking back and forth between his pillow where she just stashed that bra and her because that happened so quickly we can’t believe it did/can’t believe it did because we’re so into it and her, as if to prove she really did that, obviously touching her, first over whatever top she’s wearing and then eventually also under it]

Bea: [pleased with your reaction and doing a hot lol to cover up the moan you wanna do about him touching you, shamelessly rocking your hips back and forth against him, putting your own hand under his t-shirt]

Fraze: [equally as shamelessly moving to meet her movements, still using both his hands to touch her boobs up but also adding his mouth to it, doing kisses against the skin of her collarbones, chest and stomach that he’s uncovered because of how hardcore his hands have made her top ride up, random about whether they are hard or soft however he wants]

Bea: [reaching desperately for something on his bedside table, eventually finding the remote and putting something random on the TV for background noise that you aren’t going to be asked to turn down like you might loud music but we gotta have something right now]

Fraze: [even though that was a smart thing to do, reacting like when she was doing all that shit with the remote you’re annoyed her full focus wasn’t on you and immediately then switching y’all’s positions up so he’s pinning her to this bed and she can’t possibly move nbd]

Bea: [trying to reach your head up to kiss him, enjoying the struggle and the anticipation it brings ‘Fraze’ the neediest you’ve ever sounded]

Fraze: [when you have to kiss her SO hard about that because DYING at how she sounds and the fact she’s never sounded like that before, likewise pulling at her clothes like they’ve personally offended you rn by being so in the way, thank god that background noise exists because the bed is definitely making some of its own with how much moving he’s doing and how deliberate it is]

Bea: [the happiest noise into this kiss for how hard it is, sucking on his bottom lip and then his tongue, pushing your bottoms down and pulling your top up, so you’re still clothed and can put them right fast but they’re as out of the way as they can be]

Fraze: [‘do you know how much I fucking need you?’ like he’s mad at her, his voice actually hoarse for the first time because he’s so !! in this moment]

Bea: [nodding and running your fingers across his crotch ‘when are you going to show me though?’]

Fraze: [the frustrated af noise as he glances towards the door because sincerely wants to rn and is genuinely wondering if they could without getting caught but like, it’s clearly not even dinner time yet is it so realistically I doubt that]

Bea: [yeah, you really should wait lads but we get it, neither of you wants to ‘think of how good you’re going to give it to me because you’ve been made to wait though’ because all you can do is think about that]

Fraze: [when you are thinking about it so you’ve gotta put your tongue in her ear SO indecently, don’t mind him]

Bea: [stifle your GASP on his skin, giving him a lovebite literally wherever you’ve landed before kissing it better, so over the top ‘I need you, every night’]

Fraze: [pulling her head to his so dramatically and kissing her with the !! she just expressed a second before because so mutual ‘all night, you can get your sleep in [a lesson we know she hates] and still be a swot’ saying swot like it’s a term of endearment/something indecent here]

Bea: [‘I can’t pay attention ‘til you’ve fucked me like I need, there’s no room for anything else in my head now’ kissing you back and having to touch you because we can’t not]

Fraze: [saying her name in response to it all, so quietly but with so much feeling, kissing her head indecently because we love everything she thinks and we need to make that blatantly obvious]

Bea: [‘you love me too much to let it be a problem, yeah?’ like you actually gotta ‘there’s loads of places we can go in school’]

Fraze: [a nod because he do, as he takes his dick out and positions it so that it would be inside her rn if not for the fact she has a clothes barrier stopping it ‘tell me’ a casual list of everywhere they could and therefore are gonna hook up in school please lol, imagine getting caught there, oh lord]

Bea: [biting our lip as we shamelessly look down at what you’re doing, moving so he presses up against our stomach where the skin is exposed, fucking you slowly against our tummy as we list every place we know of and what times each one is free]

Fraze: [the freedom of being a quiet bitch as standard meaning he’s just out here making noises that are EVERYTHING but nobody else is aware of, love that for you boy]

Bea: [couldn’t be any more heart eyes than right now ‘I’m in your bed’ because can’t deal]

Fraze: [when that physically makes him react so dramatically, purely involuntarily, out here fully almost doubling over about it, not at all casually because cannot cope either]

Bea: [‘I’ve wanted to be in it since we got here’ going faster, spitting to help with the friction ‘cos no fucks given with how turned on we are right now]

Fraze: [manhandling this gal so she’s really reclining and comfy in this bed, pushing his thigh between her legs and really doing the most to try and make her die like he’s dying atm]

Bea: [rewarding you with some silent but !! reactions, facial reactions doing most of the work there, grinding yourself helplessly against his thigh whilst carrying on what you’re doing]

Fraze: [fighting so hard against every urge to close his eyes so that he can STARE at her and catch all these reactions because simply must]

Bea: [‘I wanna be yours’ so sincerely ‘cos we’re dying]

Fraze: [‘you’ve never been no other cunt’s’ as sincerely because we know what happened when she was a kid but that’s so different to this and it’s so important to verbalise however he can in this moment ‘you’ve only ever been mine, me and you, always’]

Bea: [‘I love you so much’ leaning to kiss him and as a result pushing yourself against him harder, making you shudder]

Fraze: [‘I’d let you do anything’ so sincerely, literally the most sincere he’s ever been about anything ever, like fucking kill me I mean it, do anything is really being meant and expressed in every sense though like she’s free to do anything with her life, all of it]

Bea: [having to do a hot lol ‘don’t challenge me though’ ‘cos we’re still trying to behave even though things have obviously escalated here and we’re all living]

Fraze: [‘don’t hold nothing back from me’ cos he truly doesn’t care how cray you are gal, lowkey staring her down about this so she knows how serious he is]

Bea: [nodding like okay ‘I trust you’ and putting our hand in our pants to then use it on you, not before offering it for you to taste it]

Fraze: [oh how dramatically he’s gonna do that, god bless, love that y’all have totally forgotten where you are or that anyone else exists here and now, just wilding]

Bea: [watching you do this in slight disbelief, slapping your face lightly as if we’re checking you’re real and really here right now]

Fraze: [pinching her, just to do it as a hot move because we all know it’s somewhere indecent instead of like her arm or whatever]

Bea: [saying his name, moving your face into the pillow so it isn’t too loud but also so you can be !! with it]

Fraze: [obvs pushing her face into the pillow more so it’s in there as much as it can possibly be without suffocating her because it’s hot and will keep her quiet but also because he wants his pillow to smell like and be as covered in her as it can be]

Bea: [‘I’ll cum on your leg if you keep playing rough with me’ a legitimate warning as well as an FYI, biting a corner of this pillow]

Fraze: [his hand going from the side of her face and jaw to her neck when he’s egged on because ofc, don’t choke her to death, be careful please, just experimenting with this though]

Bea: [getting noticeably wetter and just swivelling your eyes to look at him like SEE]

Fraze: [it therefore noticeably getting to him how into that she is, just every reaction so involuntarily more !! all of a sudden including LOOKING at her like well damn I hope I don’t cum first and rn all over everything about this]

Bea: [‘you need my mouth, take it’ and opening our mouth up so eagerly for you ‘show me how you’re gonna fuck my pussy’]

Fraze: [of course that’s the only encouragement he needs to be absolutely feral about this, being rough about it to keep up the vibe and choke her a lil bit a different way + really push her into this pillow some more but also because he do be that frantic, like do actually desperately need this thank you, as well as to prove to her and keep her thinking about what that hookup is gonna be like]

Bea: [replacing his thigh with the other pillow so the way we’re going to cum isn’t wasted because it’s going to be A LOT, that’s not to mention the mess of makeup and spit that’ll be on this other pillow now, doing the most to let you choke us, pushing you further]

Fraze: [thank god we’re being kind and not letting y’all be caught by anyone who could be bowling out of their rooms or coming up those stairs rn cos the fucks y’all don’t give and won’t until you’re done in a sec, oh lads, it really is day 1 and you’re already slipping, I love you]

Bea: [clearly everyone is busy making dinner or playing but honestly, that door is open and the fucks you don’t give, god bless, catch us here turned on by the fact, shamelessly]

Fraze: [that’s obviously part of it, if you weren’t y’all would have closed that door nobody said you had to leave it open in the first place, meanwhile I’m just here like how the hell are you meant to recover from that and get your shit together enough to go for a fam dinner soon, I’d simply be too dead and could never]

Bea: [good luck because seriously, how do you just pretend that hasn’t happened and that things are different]

Fraze: [at least this boy will be STARVING and can focus on shoving all the food into his gob when the time comes, cos yeah, a madness, for now though in the immediate aftermath just hold her really tightly however y’all have collapsed and died onto this bed]

Bea: [‘can I kiss you?’ ‘cos he came in your mouth and you wanna but he might not, breathless still as you’re asking this]

Fraze: [kiss her in response because it’s the only acceptable one]

Bea: [just melting into him even harder, good thing you’re skinny af because we are literally all over you]

Fraze: [‘you look so fucking pretty’ no notes, the state of both of y’all and yet he means it with his whole heart]

Bea: [nudging his face with yours, pressing your cheek against his like no, you]

Fraze: [‘I dunno how you can still’ with a little hot lol like genuinely in awe of how great she looks given the absolute mess he’s made of her and because other gals just are messes in comparison, especially in this lawless era of bad makeup and fashion choices]

Bea: [oh gals, the orange foundation with a tidemark on the neck, and all over the lips, no brows and spider lashes that were popping rn for chavvy leaning girls, then the absolute SWEEP of helmet like hairsprayed hair for the girls who wanted to pretend they were scene/emo leaning, looks were not being achieved but we’re all about the classic beauty and do not care for your trends so you’re so welcome Beatrice/you boy that she isn’t trying to make you love her looking like that lol ‘you thought I’d look shocking?’ giving him a lil push like oi but we’re loling too ‘don’t I always look good?’ when you know you do so you can say that with utmost confidence]

Fraze: [push her back, gently, into the pillows as if to say, a state like they are a state now maybe, which we all know he’s the opposite of mad about even without it being blatant af on his own face, looking at her before nodding ‘the rest of ‘em look shocking next to you’ shamelessly shading every gal at school or that he’s ever met, not soz huns, it’s true]

Bea: [when you’re not too proud to love that as a compliment, soz to be toxic but we aren’t at all, rubbing vaguely at some of these makeup stains on the pillows but only in a way that’s making it more blatant, how stains do ‘I don’t look at other boys’ ‘cos we aren’t interested in any of you, that is true]

Fraze: [he’s likewise a toxic king who will be blatantly buzzing that she thinks other boys suck, not soz, smirking emoji af once again lol, touch her face in a way that’ll do damage control on the makeup that’s left on if there’s like a mascara smudge or whatever but you’re also just doing because you want to ‘don’t need to to know they’re gonna go nowhere’ dragging everyone shamelessly once again, in a lot of cases where’s the lie but we’re really tarring everyone with the same brush here lol]

Bea: [‘probably’ ‘cos we don’t even care what other people are up to, only focused on ourselves here, not about a competition with some random kids in your school who might also be smart or ambitious; touching your face in the same place as if there is makeup to clean up on you too, then touching his lips like actually ‘you can tell you’ve been kissing’]

Fraze: [echoing that sentiment with a shrug of his own cos yeah, the only reason people matter at all is if they are in his way for any reason, don’t care if you flop or fly soz everyone, touching his lips exactly where she just did as if by doing that he’ll be able to feel and see the evidence, then hers just because, living our best lives living dangerously here and loving any and all evidence that every second of this actually happened]

Bea: [only smiling when he touches your lips back because hard same, even if we’re saying ‘it’ll go down’ we’re saying it like we hope it won’t ever]

Fraze: [‘I don’t want it to’ saying that because hard same and it’s so true before he kisses her really hard again like nope can’t let that happen I’m afraid]

Bea: [lifing your head from these pillows to kiss him back with as much energy, shaking your head like me either, not yet ‘what’s the time?’ amusingly between kisses as if he has had time to look either but you wanna know how long you’ve got before dinner]

Fraze: [look over at the alarm clock I put in your room when I created it on the polyvore like thing, still kissing her on her neck and shoulder as he peeps over it to see and tell her, unlucky for y’all I’m sure dinner is very much looming by this point and you actually need to get your shit together]

Bea: [making a grumpy lil noise about it but also going to get up because you do need to sort your face and if you are seen up here, be seen coming from your own room or the bathroom or whatever ‘see me out’ as he opened the door for you when you came in, attempting to pull him up off this bed too]

Fraze: [get up because there is no chance she could pull you off the bed if you didn’t give her that help, so gently pushing her towards the door, until she’s standing against the frame of it after having been lowkey pushed into it by you to one side of this open door, then wrapping your arms around her for the final time in a while, just taking a moment before you know she’s gotta leave]

Bea: [hugging you back SO tightly because very much could have stayed here for so much longer but that isn’t a reality hence we’re not going to long this out and act like it is, you gotta get used to how it is and how it has to be, hence we aren’t saying bye or anything like that because you’re still in the same house and could still be together just not in this private way, all we are doing is LOOKING at you as we leave]

Fraze: [mhmm exactly, hence don’t pull her back by the wrist like you did at the very start of this when she was trying to leave that house but do leave an adorable kiss there on said wrist for the peak romance before you let her go, returning the LOOK the entire time]

Bea: [looking at your wrist so hard now but still, go girl, back to your room, but sending him a picture of a heart you’ve doodled on that exact spot now you’re back at your desk doing your homework again]

Fraze: [send her a pic of you eating another sweet because she left them on his bedside table so it’s like you gotta come back and get these tonight now before I eat them all]

Bea: spoil your dinner, you

Fraze: Worked up enough of an appetite that I ain’t worried

Bea: That’s alright then

Fraze: better than ⚽️

Bea: do I believe you mean that? 🤔

Fraze: why would I say something I don’t?

Bea: There are lots of reasons why someone would

Bea: but you should know better that you don’t need to

Fraze: like I said, it’s me you’re talking to not any other cunt

Fraze: I do know better

Bea: does that mean you’re going to spend more time with me than you are kicking a ⚽️?

Fraze: yeah

Fraze: I ain’t swearing the same for 🥊 though, not yet, like 

Bea: there’s plenty of things I can swear I will prioritize over you, don’t worry

Bea: how embarrassing if you didn’t know me like that by now

Fraze: I’m not, be your loss if you didn’t pick us, babe

Fraze: and you know that by now

Bea: doesn’t feel like a choice

Fraze: nor to me, never has

Bea: unsure if that sounds romantic or the complete opposite

Fraze: I can be romantic in loads of ways you are sure of

Bea: I don’t need romance no more than you do

Fraze: I don’t need no hints, I know what you want

Bea: yeah

Bea: thank fuck

Fraze: I can eat fast as well as, you’re welcome for it

Bea: show-off 😏

Bea: I’ll make sure we aren’t interrupted by having a proper conversation with your mum at the table, like

Fraze: cheers, taking that one for the team is pure class of you

Bea: it’s easier when I have things to say she might wanna hear, not always bunking off like today

Fraze: I heard it was a proper one off, not something you’re gonna make a habit out of

Bea: mhmm

Bea: someone has to behave

Fraze: believe it when I see it

Bea: you wish

Fraze: you’re smart, you don’t need us to tell you you’d get more out of behaving badly with me

Bea: if none of us show up to school, reckon they might actually bother to call ‘em

Fraze: I go in

Bea: you know I’m not talking about you

Fraze: it’s about time someone bothered to do fuck all about them

Bea: I don’t get why no one has

Fraze: christ knows, too much trouble for any cunt who’s supposed to to put themselves to, only get paid for it, like

Bea: lucky for them I’m already smarter than all the staff on the payroll

Fraze: lucky for ‘em that ain’t hard

Bea: as long as they don’t try to thank me with concert tickets

Fraze: least you could sell ‘em on to somebody else thick

Bea: with thicker eyeliner, yeah

Bea: we can take the money and do something better

Fraze: deal

Bea: 🤝

Fraze: Blood, spit, or both?

Bea: gonna make me think about that and spoil my dinner?

Fraze: thinking about that’ll help you get through it

Bea: maybe

Fraze: no maybe about it

Bea: you’re gross

Fraze: you love what I am

Bea: I love everything about you

Fraze: and what I can do

Bea: why are you teasing me

Fraze: I’m giving you loads to think about, that’s different

Bea: I don’t need no hints to guess what you’re thinking about either

Fraze: we’re too old for guessing games

Bea: too much times been wasted before

Fraze: yeah, it fucking has

Bea: how do people wait, to do what they want to do, why

Fraze: I reckon they must not know what they want in the first place, or they’re too pussy to go after it if they do, when

Bea: I only do it when I have to

Bea: if I was some prodigy child, I could be at Uni already but my social skills would be even more lacking

Fraze: well cheers for not being, it’d be a real test of social graces I ain’t got

Bea: if I was practising my fake smile, you’d be gutted

Fraze: there ain’t much you could do to gut me, other than going for it with a knife or whatever

Bea: dinner ain’t going to go that poorly

Fraze: not ‘cause of me

Bea: nor me, we know what we’re doing

Fraze: shame no fucker else ‘round here can say the same, but story of our lives

Bea: awkward how long they’ll all be playing catch up, like

Fraze: they’ll never catch up to us

Bea: I’ll take not stressing over them every minute, for a start

Fraze: I’ll distract you every minute, end of

Bea: and I’ll make it mutual, you can trust that

Fraze: I’ve not doubted you, whatever else I might’ve

Bea: you’re constant, like nothing else

Fraze: I’ll take that

Bea: other things I could say, you wouldn’t want me to right before dinner

Fraze: I’ve told you to hold nothing back, don’t force me to keep repeating myself, we never drank enough for it

Bea: maybe I like how it sounds too much, the idea I don’t have to

Fraze: try it out then, see how much you like saying what you want to, how that sounds

Bea: that sounds like a pandora’s box sort of situation

Fraze: sounds like the name of a strip club

Bea: I bet it is

Fraze: or a shit band they’d listen to

Bea: you can ask Ali about it, right up their alley, or at least Joe’s, he’s more pretentious in his taste

Fraze: if I’m ever that desperate for something to say ‘round the table, do get the knives out and fucking end it all

Bea: alright, I’ll keep your death wish in mind

Fraze: I ain’t got one, just my limits

Bea: you’re adorable

Fraze: shut up

Bea: rude

Bea: you wanted to hear what I had to say a second ago

Fraze: you weren’t wanting to wind me up a sec ago

Bea: why don’t you like adorable?

Fraze: I’m not Rocky’s age, not that he is, but other cunts would reckon it

Bea: now you’re just being mean

Fraze: nah, honest

Bea: he’ll grow into his ears

Fraze: don’t bet on it

Bea: quirks make you interesting to look at, anyway

Bea: he’ll be fine

Fraze: easy for you to say when you’re that fucking easy on everybody’s eyes

Bea: so’s you

Fraze: it’s different, you could be a model, I’ve only grown into my ears or some bullshit

Bea: I don’t have the patience for that bullshit

Bea: and you know how handsome you are

Fraze: I know I could give less of a fuck, it only matters how handsome you reckon I am

Bea: I tell you all the time, you look like you could be on a screen in black and white

Fraze: I’d tell you the same but the world’d be robbed not seeing you in full colour

Bea: I miss getting to kiss you when you say things like that

Fraze: she ain’t shouting up the stairs for us all to come down yet, we’ve got time

Bea: okay, so come here

Fraze: [do obvs, sneaking for the pure mood of it even though you absolutely do not need to because clearly everyone is busy, has not knocked has just quietly come in and wrapped his arms around her from behind where she’s assumedly still sat at her desk, spinning the chair around if it’s a wheely one, pulling her body into a swivel type move if it is not]

Bea: [letting you do a quiet GASP about this because the thing where you’re almost expecting someone TOO much that you end up being shocked when they show up because of that anticipation being met before you know it, tilting your face toward his and parting your lips but not making the move yourself]

Fraze: [make that move sir, and not only that kissing her in such a !! manner that his hand at her throat lifts her off this chair slightly, not by much and only for a sec because we’re not at feral levels of fully picking her up with that move jc style or anything yet but still]

Bea: [the noise that is pure !! because was not expecting that at all but are so about it and you being more confident in what you’re doing, kissing back as if you need to attach yourself to him to not fall here]

Fraze: [really gotta make the most of every second here as y’all know dinner is looming and I’m sure joeray are gonna be bowling in if the rule is y’all have to be back for it so out here doing the absolute most with the limited time y’all have left]

Bea: [I imagine that’s the rule as well as having a curfew after dinner y’all have to be in for, seems like the basics and we’re definitely getting towards that o’clock, hence the urgency of this makeout because gotta go be in front of this fam and test how it’s gonna be for y’all]

Fraze: [mhmm hence making out frantically til the last possible second aka you hearing joeray coming through the front door and then this boy is bowling downstairs like he’s that hungry he simply must go annoy his mother/ask her how long it’ll be]

Bea: [at least you have an excuse to linger up here because we know you aren’t rushing down to dinner, won’t make Tess shout for you but when she inevitably has to for the younger kids you’ll hear and be down, with some composure lmao]

Fraze: [we all know he’s eating whatever dinner is literally 10 seconds flat like that teenage boy stereotype which is real as much as it’s also an excuse today and then leaving the table to kick his football at whatever wall is nearest where the dining table is located/ the patio doors if they are, for that throwback to when he was annoying her earlier because simply must even though the mood is entirely different this time] 

Bea: [when you’re the type of hoe, aka you feel obligated, to help Tess clear up because imagine that Fearghal probably has to leave for work at this time unless he’s doing a day shift ‘cos makes sense, so this boy just out here making the most noise and pissing his mother off undoubtedly lol, just looking at you through the doors/window like SHUT UP]

Fraze: [I imagine he’ll stop pretty immediately anyway and come in and take baby Rocky to actually be helpful, he just had to get that reaction and the throwback in first lol, god bless, don’t mind this boy just looking iconic and capable taking care of this child because god meal times and the aftermath would be so chaotic]

Bea: [you know JoeRay are trying to slink off immediately and the battle to either let them or nag them to stay and do something Tess is casually having to pick every day lol but not lol ‘cos honestly what a nightmare; imperceptibly shaking our head at you because we got the reminder in what you just did there, before telling Ro to go get her homework like a bossy bitch because y’all are kid kids so it won’t be anything taxing so you may as well get that out of the way]

Fraze: [mhmm, it isn’t really an excuse because arguably mcvickers must have dropped the ball a long time ago where joeray are concerned but I get why y’all especially have rn because the levels of exhausted they would be atm with the unplanned arrival of baby Rocky, I feel for y’all, I do, at least you can take this bub away from the homework station that’s being set up and it means baze don’t have to die from the proximity because we all know you are]

Bea: [yeah like honestly girls, there’s a lot more going on that you should recognise but a lot of teens go through depression, not to absolve y’all, but you think it’s a phase basically and it’s just gonna be shit because everyone’s teen years are shit really and then they’ll hit an age and be normal again and not seemingly hate your guts, so I get it too, this happens; for me its the way we always tell Ro what to do and hope the others follow suit but we wouldn’t dream of telling them to do anything; lucky for you baby Rock, you don’t need to do nothing but vibe, you two could even go back out because it’s spring/summer so it would still be light and warm enough]

[whataboutbibi]

First of all: HI STINK, HAPPY NEW YEAR SWEETS AND FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE TOO!!!

Second of all: I WANT THEM TOGETHER NOW!!! they're my babies 😭😭😭

"It makes sense, though, when you open the door to see who is banging on your door like a madman. Eddie, of course." I'm convinced he's sexually attracted to birdies hotel bedroom door cause 💀

"Eddie laughs, “See, that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart,” He drawls, “I always knew you were pretty. I never thought you weren’t pretty. Who told you that?”

"Eddie lowly hums, taking a deep breath as he shifts in his seat, “Yeah, well, I intend on changing that, so, are you done eating?”

"You’re Eddie’s every dream compacted into the cutest, kindest, prettiest human he’s ever fucking known, and Eddie keeps having these moments where he wants to smash his head through a brick wall for ever letting a cruel word form on his tongue towards you. He would pay an endless amount of money to rewind time and do it over again, do it right, and give you the respect you deserve." Aww homeboy is in LUV 

"He’s like a child for fucks sake! Touching things he shouldn’t be touching and grinning at you with a ‘you can’t do anything about it because I’m cute’ glint in his eyes."

"Eddie stops midchew, looking up at you for a brief moment. He’s silent as he resumes chewing his food and swallowing, quietly eyeing you for a moment before clearing his throat. “You hate hash browns?” He asks."

"Eddie raises two hands to his head, grasping his hair like he’s in distress, as he lets out a loud sound, drawing attention. You giggle, reaching out to grab his wrist and lower him back down to the table, “Eddie, you’re making a scene—” “You met Ozzy, and you just, like, casually forgot to mention that to me? Like he’s not my idol? Like he’s not my literal lord and savior? Do you even care about me?” He exclaims in a loud voice."

so so so Eddie coded <3

This whole chapter was sooo boyfriend material Eddie (who is my fav Eddie 🥲🥲) before we lived only on crumbs but now they're actually getting comfortable with each other and it's just so special to witness it

I feel like a proud mum

“Jesus. I’m gonna fuckin’ lose it,” Eddie grumbles against your lips, sloppy and wet, as he trails down to your jaw, neck, and collarbones. His hands are greedy as they grapple at your hips, squeezing the thicker parts to tilt you towards him, groaning when your pelvis drags against his quickly hardening length. You pant his name, one hand dropping to steady yourself against the counter as the other hand sinks into his damp, curly strands. Eddie groans, stuffing his face into your neck, licking and biting as he grinds you against him. You’re all whiney breaths and moans, and Eddie just can’t help himself when he nudges his nose against the strap of your dress before sticking his tongue out and dragging it up the length of the flimsy black piece." Oh I miss them. Like MISS them

"You don’t recognize the opening song for tonight, but you hear the words and Eddie’s voice crystal clear— tugging you back with every step you take towards the arena's door."  

So, you can drag me through hell

If it meant I could hold your hand

I will follow you, 'cause I'm under your spell

And you can throw me to the flames

I will follow you, I will follow you

HELLO? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US RACH? The LYRICS???

Her coming back to Michigan did things to me like... BIRDIE NO 😞 she's stronger than me but we all know is 😭 for 😭 the 😭 better 😭 right 😭 this is me trying to convince myself that she didn't fumbled the bag 😀 but after everything Eddie being doing to gain her back I really really really hope that he won't give up on them!!! Also, what's the matter with that lany bitch? Ugh of course she was scheming but I'm glad Eddie sent her back to hell and as himself said "good fucking riddance" LOL

I already want part 12, you got me ADDICTED need to be sure my babies are ok and together once and for all. Just kidding, do your thing Rach I'm sure you'll come up with a great closure for this amazing series! I'm actually so glad I got to read this on new years cause this series has been one of the highlights of my 2023 year!✨✨ amazing job as always 💋

PRICE OF FAME (PART 11/?)

gasp she's finally here !!!

18+ — MINORS DNI

pairing: rockstar!eddie x journalist!reader

summary: the last day of tour has arrived and you're pushed to make a difficult choice

contains: enemies to lovers trope, alcohol consumption, smoking, sexual themes, mentions of oral, angst, and more glimpses of eddie being boyfriend coded <3

word count: 6k

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| series masterlist | -main masterlist- |

song inspo for this chappy, thx to my stink @mmunson86 ily hehe:

Sunday mornings are meant for being lazy.

You wake up, you toss around in bed for a bit, maybe turn on the TV, and order food if you’re at a nice hotel like you are now— which had been your plan. You had wanted to try the strawberry crepes here for ages, and you planned to finally order it to start the last day of your short-lived tour on the right foot— but apparently, someone doesn’t believe in the mainstream concept of Sunday morning.

It’s seven in the morning when you get a knock on your door. You want to ignore it— and you have every intention to do so— except the person at the door is incessant and apparently doesn’t get the hint of silence.

It makes sense, though, when you open the door to see who is banging on your door like a madman. Eddie, of course. 

“Housekeeping!”

He’s got a cute, wide smile and damp curls that make your chest flutter even though you still have one foot in a dream. Although, you think the dream might be the man standing before you, clad in jeans and a graphic tee, and beaming at you.

“Eddie, it’s seven in the morning.” You grumble.

Eddie’s smile widens, “I know. Perfect time for a walk in the park.” He says before pushing past you and walking into your room. Your eyebrows furrow as you watch him walk over to your window and open the blinds. You rapidly blink at the sunlight, “I– what? A walk?”

Eddie turns to you, smiling still as he nods, “Yes. Down at Central Park. They’ve always got cute dogs down there, and I know a place with pancakes to die for.”

You’re too tired to even wrap your mind around how cute of an image Eddie with dogs would be, “Woah… woah, woah, wait— Eddie, I— I would love to,” you blink hard, “But I’m still half asleep, and I only got to bed like four hours ago, so I think I’d pass out on a walk right now.” You softly laugh.

You feel a twinge of guilt stir in your gut, so you step forward to Eddie, reaching out to rest a hand on his bicep and gently squeeze, “Why don’t we order coffee up and sit on the balcony until my mind warms up a bit?” You offer.

Which, now that you think of it, was a perfect idea because there’s a cool breeze this morning that gives you an excuse to press up against Eddie’s side and curl into the heat of him as you sip on warm coffee and watch Eddie burn through cigarettes. Eddie was bold enough to drag your legs to rest across his lap, and you decide to blame your compliance on lack of sleep rather than desire.

“Are you nervous for tonight?” You wonder aloud, watching as the morning sun cracks through his fluttering eyelashes. Eddie’s lips pull into a smile, “No.” He leans into you, “Are you?”

You snort, pressing your fingers into the warm ceramic mug, “Why would I be nervous?”

Eddie shrugs, “Maybe I’ve got a surprise up my sleeve or something.” He teases. His fingers are warm and send goosebumps across your skin as they dance across your leg, inching up your thigh until you slightly squirm. Eddie doesn’t even try to hide the smirk on his lips.

You ignore his wandering hands as best as you can, although the lick of heat that runs up your spine when he fiddles with the hem of your baggy shirt sends your mind spinning, a dull throb of your center when his knuckles brush the crease of your hip. You raise an eyebrow, gazing at him and cocking your head to the side, “Well, do you?”

Eddie glances at you, busy drawing stars inside your thighs, “No.”

You roll your eyes, shoving your foot into his jean-clad thigh as he barks out a laugh, hands squeezing your bare calves. “That’s not funny, Munson. You’re on probation, you know?”

Eddie tilts his head, dreamy gaze in his eyes as he gently squeezes your calves, “I know. I’m working on it, though… which reminds me—” You take a deep breath, slinking your legs out of his grip and sitting up straight to stretch, “Think I’m in the mood for those pancakes now.” You hum.

Eddie gazes at you, jaw loose as he watches you stand up and completely dodge what he’s been spinning out about for the last twenty-four hours. “Birdie—” “Yeah, I’m starving now that I think of it. Let’s go.” You wrap your fingers around his wrist and tug him up, ignoring his grumbles of protest.

It should be studied, the pull Eddie has on you, because here you both are in a booth at an old breakfast diner, and all you can think about is how you want nothing more than to slink over to the other side and burrow yourself in the warmth of his embrace.

But Eddie’s friends are here.

The entire ensemble: Nancy, Robin, Steve, Gareth, Jeff, and even Eric, who you hardly even see because he’s the busiest with groupies out of the Corroded Coffin band.

They caught you and Eddie on your way down to the lobby, and well… they just tagged along. Eddie wasn’t so happy about it, mumbling about how he can never shake these assholes, but you just snickered and told him to be nice.

So, now, you’re sitting across from Eddie in a diner with the smell of pancakes and maple syrup wafting through the air and a friendly chatter ringing throughout the table.

You try your hardest to pay attention to the conversations, but it’s hard when Eddie is glancing at you with these eyes that melt your insides. It doesn’t help when he leans forward on the table, shoulders pressing into the edge as his fingers skim your knee beneath it. You raise an eyebrow when he takes a menu, opens it, and stands it up to block the view of his friends as he beckons you forward. You lean forward, chest fluttering at the sight of Eddie’s pretty eyes so up close, pouty lips and curly hair that you want to reach out and card your fingers through. He’s a dream, no doubt about it.

“Let’s ditch them.”

You snort, rolling your eyes, “You can’t ditch your friends, Eddie.”

Eddie makes a face, “Why not? They crashed, and I have work to do.”

You tilt your head in confusion, “Work?”

Eddie grumbles, his voice carrying an obvious tone, “Yeah, I’ve only got until tonight to pay my dues.” He reminds you. You hum with a teasing glint, “I reckon that’s a fault on your part, Munson.”

Before Eddie can respond, the menu is torn out of his hands to reveal Gareth and Jeff snickering, “You do know we can still see you two, right?” Eric teases.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “I don’t know if you dipshits got the memo, but you definitely weren’t invited to this.”

You giggle, nudging your foot against his shin, “Don’t be rude,” You mumble. “Yeah, Eddie, don’t be rude.” Robin teases. 

Eddie grumbles, ignoring his snickering friends as he stands up, “All of you can fuck right off.” He sticks up a decorated middle finger to his table of friends, and you smile as you slide out of the booth, warmth spreading through your body when he reaches around to grab your sweater. 

“Oh, come on, we were just joking, Eds!”

Eddie waves them off, slinking an arm around your body to rest a hand on the small of your back, gently ushering you toward the exit as his friends create a scene.

“Hey, don’t be late to soundcheck, asshole, we won’t hear the end of it from Richie!” Jeff calls out, but Eddie doesn’t answer because he’s walking you both outside of the diner and muttering something about them being a pain in his ass.

“We could just take a flight out somewhere far away from them, princess. Say the word, and I’ll book it.” Eddie jokingly offers. You smile as you take your sweater from him with a small thanks, “They love you. That’s a good thing to have.” You remind him. Eddie rolls his eyes, scratching at the back of his neck as you begin walking down the street, “Sure, except not when I have important things to do. Which, when are you gonna put me out of my misery and tell me what you think?”

You hum, feing ignorance as you blink up at Eddie, “Think about what, Eddie?” 

Eddie stares at you, blinking once before his lips spread into a smile, “You’re lucky you’re pretty.” He teasingly says through gritted teeth, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in as he jokingly presses his palm to your face, laughing as you squeal and squirm in his hold. “Eddie Munson thinks I’m pretty. How cute.” You mock as you grapple at his wrist, prying his hand from your face, “Only took him a month to figure that out.”

Eddie laughs, “See, that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart,” He drawls, “I always knew you were pretty. I never thought you weren’t pretty. Who told you that?” “Nobody told me that; you just,” you shrug, “Kind of hated my guts, so it went hand in hand.”

Eddie’s eyes soften at that, and your cheeks warm as his gaze zones in on you. You clear your throat, glancing away, “Are we going to eat or what, Munson? I told you I’m starving, and you just dragged me out of that diner, so.” 

Eddie nods, “Yeah, yeah,” He waves before lacing his fingers with yours to drag you along, “I got a place in mind; let’s go.”

“If you wanted strawberries on your pancakes, then you should’ve asked for them.”

Eddie, you are learning, has sticky fingers. Sticky in the metaphorical sense where he just takes things without asking and sticky in the literal sense where he keeps reaching over to steal strawberries from your plate and ends up dipping his fingers in your maple syrup as well.

He’s like a child for fucks sake! Touching things he shouldn’t be touching and grinning at you with a ‘you can’t do anything about it because I’m cute’ glint in his eyes.

You watch as Eddie sucks the syrup off his thumb and smirks at you as he says, “Sharing is caring, you know?”

You look at his plate, tilting your head with a smirk before asking, “Yeah? Then can I have your hash browns?” Eddie glances at his plate, a frown spreading across his lips as he looks at you, “But there’s barely any left.” He points out.

Your eyebrows raise, and he sighs in defeat, cutting into his hash browns to give you half of it. You snicker as he carefully reaches over to put the side dish on your plate, pursing your lips to hold a laugh when you look up at him. “What’s so funny?” He grumbles, stabbing into his food and shoving a fork full into his mouth.

“Nothing. I just, like, hate hash browns.”

Eddie stops midchew, looking up at you for a brief moment. He’s silent as he resumes chewing his food and swallowing, quietly eyeing you for a moment before clearing his throat. “You hate hash browns?” He asks.

You nod as you take a bite of your eggs, and Eddie looks at you like you just told him something concerning. “I—... what do you mean you hate hash browns? Do you like potatoes?”

You shrug, taking a sip of your drink, “Sure.”

“Do you like fries?”

“I love fries.”

“Tater tots?”

“I like them every now and then,” You shrug.

Eddie’s head cocks in confusion, eyes narrowing, “So what’s the problem with hash browns?”

Your eyebrows raise, and an amused smile spreads across your lips, “Holy shit. I’m getting the sense that you might, I don’t know… love hash browns or something?”

Eddie scoffs, “Of course I fucking love hash browns. Are you fucking kidding me? Who doesn’t like hash browns?”

“Tommy Lommi.”

“Well then, they’re fucking weird— wait…” Eddie blinks at you and stares like you’ve just discovered time travel. “What do you mean, Tommy Lommi? How do you know Tommy Lommi hates hash browns?”

You shrug, “Ate breakfast with the band a few years ago. They gave him hash browns, and he returned the entire plate. A lot of people hate hash browns, Eddie.”

Eddie waves a hand in dismissal, scooting closer to the table as he responds in a hurried and amused tone, “You had breakfast with Black fucking Sabbath?” He exclaims.

You hold back a smile as you blink at the man before you, his brown eyes wide and blown from adrenaline, “Yeah, it— it was, like, a work thing. I was doing a short piece on them, so Anna and I had lunch with them and their manager.” At the mention of your manager's name, you make a mental note to call and update her on your piece.

Eddie raises two hands to his head, grasping his hair like he’s in distress, as he lets out a loud sound, drawing attention. You giggle, reaching out to grab his wrist and lower him back down to the table, “Eddie, you’re making a scene—” “You met Ozzy, and you just, like, casually forgot to mention that to me? Like he’s not my idol? Like he’s not my literal lord and savior? Do you even care about me?” He exclaims in a loud voice. 

Your eyes widen in amusement as the man practically spins out right in front of you. “I’m sorry! I didn’t think it— wait, haven’t you met him before? Like on a red carpet or something?”

Eddie scoffs, leaning back into the booth and pulling a face like the words you’ve just said are rubbish. “Yeah, right. Like Ozzy Osborne would willingly surround himself with a bunch of untrained nuts like the boys of Corroded Coffin. He’s a professional, Birdie. That’s an insult.”

You giggle, gently nudging your plate away, taking a deep breath from feeling so full as you shrug, “Maybe if you cleaned up your act, it would happen.” You teasingly say.

Eddie looks at you, runs his eyes over your face, and smirks as he folds his arms over his chest, reaching up with one hand to twirl a piece of his hair between his fingers. “Yeah? And how do you suggest we do that?” He slinks his feet forward, gently tapping his shoe against yours before hooking an ankle around yours.

You hum, “I don’t know. Maybe cut back on the parties. Less reckless act and more calculated rockstar. Less groupies… none, if that.” You mutter the last part, and Eddie snickers. He hums as well, tipping his head side to side as if he’s thinking, “And would you say maybe,” He clears his throat, “Like, a girlfriend would do good as well?”

You huff out a laugh, “Nice try, Munson.” You snicker. “You’re far from girlfriend status with me.” 

Eddie lowly hums, taking a deep breath as he shifts in his seat, “Yeah, well, I intend on changing that, so, are you done eating?”

Eddie’s sure that Richie will chew him out.

It’s the last day of tour before the next leg starts in a month, and Eddie is almost an hour late to soundcheck. Richie was adamant about being on schedule for today because it’s the last show, and Richie’s a goddamn perfectionist (who would take on the job of managing a group of rowdy rockstars if they have the personality of a fucking sergeant?). But honestly, Eddie doesn’t have a single bone in him that cares because— well, why would he care when he’s spent all day with you practically pressed into his side? 

You’re Eddie’s every dream compacted into the cutest, kindest, prettiest human he’s ever fucking known, and Eddie keeps having these moments where he wants to smash his head through a brick wall for ever letting a cruel word form on his tongue towards you. He would pay an endless amount of money to rewind time and do it over again, do it right, and give you the respect you deserve.

Then maybe you would stop dodging his kisses.

“Come on, just one?” He begs, watching as you walk a few steps ahead of him. Eddie won’t lie; it’s a great view he’s got from behind. You’re wearing these black ripped jeans that hug your ass and thighs so perfectly Eddie wants nothing more than to sink his teeth into you.

You shake your head, “Nope. A kiss has never been a kiss with you, and I’m not too keen on giving Richie more reasons to put me in time-out. You’re also definitely still on probation.”

Eddie grunts, “This is just cruel, sweetheart.”

He jogs a bit to catch up to speed with you, “While we’re on the topic, what’d he say to you?”

You glance at Eddie, brows furrowing, “Who? Richie?”

Eddie nods, and you shrug. “I assume the same thing he told you. Told me to hold off on it until the magazine blows over in the fanbase.”

Eddie hums because, well, that’s not what Richie told Eddie. Actually, Richie told Eddie to just forget it, don’t even attempt to do anything with that woman because when you fuck up, I’m gonna be the one left to clean it up. And isn’t that Richie’s fucking job? Isn’t that precisely why Richie was hired? To clean up the boys’ mess and make their appearance seem squeaky clean. 

“I don’t blame him, though.” 

Eddie’s neck practically snaps in your direction, and he has to stop you from walking any further down the backstage hallways because what the fuck are you saying right now?

“What do you mean?”

You shrug, glancing up at Eddie, “I mean, he’s just doing his job, Eddie. He’s trying to protect your image, and, honestly, I didn’t understand where he was coming from until he pointed out that I’m still practically press in the eyes of the industry, so.”

“Well, that’s bullshit.” Eddie snaps. Doesn’t mean to snap, really. Doesn’t mean to have a harsh tone or sound upset with you because he’s not. He’s upset with the situation and the absolute mess he’s created from having his head up his ass for so long. He’s upset because he doesn’t want to wait until the magazine blows over. He’s upset because he’s finally admitting to what he wants, and you’re right there, and he wants to work on getting you but fucking Richie— jesus christ, Eddie’s going to choke that bastard.

“That doesn’t even fucking make sense,” Eddie exclaims, “I already fucked up. There’s not much to fuck up at this rate.”

“It’s different when there’s feelings involved, Eddie.” And Eddie doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like that you sound as if you’re siding with Richie, and he doesn’t like that you’re using your hot ass journalist tone with him. “What difference does it make?” Eddie stresses.

“Because shit could hit the fan. Things could go bad again, and, in Richie’s eyes, I could easily become an enemy. It’s a rational call to make.”

No.

No, no, no, this isn’t what Eddie wants, and it’s not how Eddie wants you picturing what you two could be— a disaster. 

Eddie blinks, heart pounding in his chest because god, he wants you and he’s scared he’s lost you before even getting the chance to fix things. “So… is that— is that what you want? To wait?”

You gaze up at Eddie, “I— no?”

Eddie frowns, stomach churning as you look away to avoid his gaze, “That didn’t sound confident. You don’t want to do this?”

“It’s… That’s not what I’m saying. I just— I’m not quite sure where this is aiming.”

“What do you mean? I told you how I feel.”

You make an exasperated noise, stepping out from the wall Eddie had you caged against, “No, you haven’t told me how you feel. You’ve told me what you want. That’s not enough.”

And you’re looking at Eddie with these eyes that make him want to crack open his chest and let you see it for yourself because fuck, the only time Eddie has ever confessed his feelings to someone, she ended up breaking his heart without a single care in the world.

And for this entire month, you’ve been slipping from Eddie’s hands, but this is the time that he’s actually felt it. He feels dizzy and sick and so angry with himself.

“I— well, how do you feel?” Eddie asks.

It’s like time slows as you gaze up at Eddie, eyes filled with so many words and uncertainty that Eddie has only himself to blame for. “I don’t know.” You softly reply.

Eddie says nothing as he stares back, gently nodding as you slink your arms around yourself, “I don’t know, Eddie. I’m… I don’t know this side of you— and that’s not to say I don’t like or want it, but— but what happens when we get bored without the chase?” 

Eddie’s heart breaks. 

“When?”

Your eyes fall shut, and you shake your head, “That’s not what I meant–” “But that’s what you said.”

“Yes, but I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. You know what I mean, Eddie.”

Eddie scoffs as he steps back, “No, Birdie, honestly, I don’t. I’m actually, like, really fucking confused right now.”

Your face twists in defense and your eyes glint with something that Eddie can’t quite put his finger on, and it makes him want to scream. “You seriously can’t be upset with me for being hesitant on this, Eddie.”

Eddie looks at you, pauses, and holds his breath before shaking his head, “No, I’m—” He steps forward, “I’m sorry. I’m not upset.”

Your lips are pulled into a frown as Eddie reaches out to softly skim his knuckles across your elbow, silently asking for you to stay open for him. “I’m not upset with you.” He repeats. 

You don’t step closer or move away, and Eddie takes that as a win either way. But before either of you can say anything else, Eddie is being whisked away with his assistant and promising to finish the conversation afterward.

You don’t see Eddie for the rest of the day, and for the first time, it’s not Eddie’s fault but yours.

You regret to admit that the small dispute you and Eddie had caused you to spiral within your thoughts, and you spent most of the day holed up in your room packing, writing, pacing, and thinking until you exhausted yourself. On a good note, though, the day passes quickly, and before you know it, you’re making your way down the Madison Square Garden backstage halls.

You’ve walked these halls enough to know your way around by heart now, so you don’t have trouble finding the dressing room. The usual small group of ladies that stand outside are there in their Sunday best for the show finale, passing a blunt between each other— and you don’t even notice the missing leader of the group until she’s storming out of the room.

“Fuck you, Eddie!” She turns to yell into the room. You watch from a few feet away, stunned and slightly terrified. She’s beautiful, even as mad as she is now; her red hair is styled in bouncy curls that jump and jolt with each wave of her hand, her heeled boots clicking on the ground with each stomp of her heel. She steps into the room, pointing at someone who you can only assume to be Eddie, but the door obstructs your view, “I knew you before you had a single fucking dime! If you think for one second she’s gonna stick with you through all of your bullshit rock and roll facade, then you’re wrong!” She snaps.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Kenny, please get rid of her.” You hear the familiar grumble of Eddie’s voice. Kenny, the security guard by the door, steps forward and ushers the angry woman away from the threshold. “Don’t fucking touch me.” She snatches her arm from his hold, and Kenny lifts a hand in surrender, “Look, I’m gonna have to get you banned from the building if you don’t leave. Make my job easier, please.” Kenny replies in a bored tone.

The girl scoffs with a roll of her eyes before turning around and storming down the hall, her posse quickly trotting behind.

You don’t hear the usual chatter in the dressing room, so you’re slightly suspicious as you walk up, kindly smiling towards Kenny as he lets you in. The door shuts behind you, and you take in the empty room, void of the usual hustle of band members and staff. 

“Kenny, I swear to god, if it’s another groupie, I’m gonna fire you.” You hear Eddie say from the ensuite restroom. Eddie doesn’t notice you as he walks into the room, busy ruffling his hair up for the show and walking toward the vanity, “I already told you who to let in.” 

Finally, Eddie lifts his head, a cigarette hanging from his lips as his eyes brighten when he sees you through the vanity mirror. You smile, shifting in your spot as Eddie whips around to look at you, “Hi.”

Eddie’s eyes widen as he takes in the view, eyes raking over your body as he blindly snuffs out his cigarette on the wooden vanity, face stunned as he walks over to you, “What the fuck?” He lowly says.

He’s reaching out to loop his fingers around your wrist and bring you closer, eyes traveling further and further down your frame, “What the fuck?” He repeats.

“Eddie,” You groan. “Where the fuck have you been hiding this, princess?” He exclaims.

“It’s nothing. Stop.” You grumble, but Eddie only shakes his head, “Nothing? Are you insane?” He steps back, hand wrapped in yours as his teeth dig into his bottom lip, “Let me look at you, come on.”

Your dress is black, tight, and form-fitting, with an off-the-shoulder neckline and a puffy lace hem matching the long sleeves' scrunchie endings. Two thin black straps hug your shoulders, tauntingly digging into your collarbones. The dress stops just above the middle of your thigh, leaving little to the imagination—- much in Eddie’s favor. Below the dress peeks out a black garter belt, two shiny silver clips winking at Eddie as they hold up your black thigh-high stockings. Your feet are held in shiny black stilettos. Sex.

Eddie nearly whimpers.

Eddie wants to sink to his knees, push up the skirt of your dress, and stuff his face between your legs. He wants to make you cum on his tongue until you’re pushing him away and begging for a break. Wants to feel the nylon stretch of your stockings scratching up against his ears as your legs clamp around his head. God, Eddie wants it, he wants it so fucking bad.

You smell sweet and taste even sweeter when Eddie presses his lips to yours, practically swallowing you whole— he would if he had the choice. Your lips split into a smile against Eddie’s, breathily laughing as he blindly leads you to the vanity, walking until he feels your body softly thud against the counter.

“Jesus. I’m gonna fuckin’ lose it,” Eddie grumbles against your lips, sloppy and wet, as he trails down to your jaw, neck, and collarbones. His hands are greedy as they grapple at your hips, squeezing the thicker parts to tilt you towards him, groaning when your pelvis drags against his quickly hardening length. You pant his name, one hand dropping to steady yourself against the counter as the other hand sinks into his damp, curly strands. Eddie groans, stuffing his face into your neck, licking and biting as he grinds you against him. You’re all whiney breaths and moans, and Eddie just can’t help himself when he nudges his nose against the strap of your dress before sticking his tongue out and dragging it up the length of the flimsy black piece.

Your head drops back, chest rising and falling with a sinful glisten under the vanity lights as Eddie drags his tongue all the way from your shoulder to your chin before smashing his lips back onto yours, fingers curled around the base of your neck. Wet, hot, and heavy.

Your lips curl against Eddie’s mouth, hips grinding against him, “S-should I be concerned about the angry woman that just stormed out of here?” You lowly ask.

Eddie laughs, smearing his lips against yours, teasingly flicking his tongue into your mouth, “Definitely not. Good fucking riddance.” Eddie can’t wait to tell you all about how he learned about Lany’s money-greedy actions that led him to the page of every tabloid with a false girlfriend.

You fail terribly to hold the snort that rises in your throat, and Eddie cuts it off with his mouth, swallowing your hums as he presses his body into yours. 

“Want you.” Eddie needily whispers. You whine, fingers curling against Eddie’s roots to draw a throaty groan from him. “Need to have you, baby—” “I— wait, wait, wait.” Your hands are pressing against Eddie’s shoulders, and god, Eddie feels lightheaded as he pulls away, blown-out eyes blinking down at you.

You huff, squirming against the counter, breath heavy and bated as you reach down to tug your dress down, “We need to talk.” 

Eddie swallows, running a hand through his hair as he gazes at you— and fuck, he’s so hard, and you’re so pretty, and Eddie thinks he might bust just looking at you.

Still, Eddie blinks through the thick fog of arousal and nods, taking a moment to not-so-discreetly adjust himself within his pants. 

Ever the gentleman, Eddie offers you the seat at the vanity, but you only shake your head, and well— fuck, Eddie just wants to get back to kissing you so he doesn’t fight it. He hops up onto the chair and gazes at you as you lean back against the vanity, fingers fidgeting with one another.

You’re avoiding Eddie’s gaze, and Eddie doesn’t like it very much, so he distracts himself by lighting a cigarette, but it does little to aid him in distraction when the words slip from your mouth.

“I think we need time away from each other.”

Eddie’s looking at you like you just told him you killed his dog, and you hate that you start feeling as if you’re wrecking everything when you know— when you both know— this is the best thing for the future.

The unlit cigarette between Eddie’s lips is removed and tossed to the side as he blinks at you, shaking his head with a confused and hurt expression, “W–what do you mean?”

You slink your arms across your body from instinct, mentally pushing yourself to stand on the rocky island you’ve built— because even though you want nothing more than to cave and throw yourself into Eddie’s arms and start over, it’s not right. You didn’t start on a good note, and it’s unfair to yourself or Eddie to avoid fully acknowledging that just because of your intense pull toward one another. You both need time.

“I don’t understand.”

“Just so we can have the space to figure out what we want and need from each other, you know?”

Eddie runs a hand over his face, “Is this about what happened earlier? Because I was being an asshole, I know, and I’m sorry, but just give me a chance–” You shake your head, stepping closer to Eddie and running your fingers over his wrists, “No. No, that’s not what this is about— I mean, it might’ve spurred it on, but it was on my mind before that.”

Eddie’s face twists in defeat, “I want to fix what I did, baby, just give me a chance.” 

You push his long bangs from his eyes, “I am, Eddie. I promise I am. But I need space— we need space.”

Eddie doesn’t even look at you, and your heart aches. “Everything’s been so quick, Eddie. It’s only been a month, and there’s been so many emotions—”

“That’s bullshit, Birdie, and you know it.”

You tense at his harsh tone, “Excuse me?”

“You said when,” He reminds you, “When you get bored. You really expect me to believe you ‘just want space’? You’re scared.” 

Your eyebrows dip in anger then, eyes narrowing at the man in front of you as your chest tightens, “And you’re not?”

“Yes!” He exclaims, ringed hands flailing in exasperation. “Yes, I’m fucking scared, obviously. I never would’ve fucked up this bad if I wasn’t scared.”

Your eyes are brimmed with tears, and you’re beginning to think maybe you shouldn’t have even come tonight. Maybe you should’ve just left without a single word and made Eddie hate you all over again. At least the foundations of your relationship were solid and clearly stated then.

How could everything have gotten so confusing in such little time?

Eddie notices your shifting demeanor and breathes, rubbing his eyes and smudging his eyeliner. You fight the instinct to reach out and fix it for him. “Okay, so… you want time apart.”

You nod, fingers twisting amongst themselves. Eddie turns his rings around his knuckles as silence cracks down on you both. Eddie swallows, eyes catching yours for a split moment, “Okay.” He nods.

You want to sink your hands into his and tell him you’re hurting just as much, wanting him just as much, but if you touch him now, you’re afraid you’ll never let go.

“It’ll be good, Eds.” You softly say.

The curtain of his hair obstructs Eddie’s face, but through the tiny windows, you can see the twitch of pain that flashes across his features. “Are you staying for the show?” He asks, eyes trained on his busy fingers, rings glistening in the lights. God, you want to give in to him so badly.

You shift in your spot, clearing your throat and blinking away tears, “I’ll never leave if I do…”

As if on cue, Kenny opens the door and pokes his head into the room, calling for Eddie to notify him of the running clock. You and Eddie only speak through gazes for a split moment, and you both know if he stays any longer, neither will leave this room. You only have enough strength to nod towards the door.

You can’t even watch Eddie leave. Because watching Eddie go seems to be the recurring theme of the month— but now, you’re sending him away— and it hurts. You were so close yet so far away from justice.

The dressing room is vast and holds Eddie's phantom presence and smell, and you can’t seem to hold the silent tears that end up soaking your cheeks. You can hear the distant screaming of fans, the loud booming of the opening to a song, and deep down, you understand that if you don’t leave now, you’ll end up in the crowd, there’s no doubt.

You don’t recognize the opening song for tonight, but you hear the words and Eddie’s voice crystal clear— tugging you back with every step you take towards the arena's door.

My head is haunting me and my heart feels like a ghost

I need to feel something, 'cause I'm still so far from home

Cross your heart and hope to die

Promise me you'll never leave my side

…..

So, you can drag me through hell

If it meant I could hold your hand

I will follow you, 'cause I'm under your spell

And you can throw me to the flames

I will follow you, I will follow you

The song echoes in your mind from the time the door slams shut to the moment you step into your cold apartment in Michigan, and it never stops.

————

part twelve

————

a/n: OHHH PLS DONT HATE ME IT HAD TO BE DONE AND IM SORRY THIS IS ON NEW YEARS EVE !!! these two will be back for one more round of fun in 2024. ok let me shut up before i start saying all my sob shit

as always, thank u for reading if you've made it this far and i appreciate any feedback, ILY AND I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL NEW YEARS, STAY SAFE PLS <3

————

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[outofcontexturi]

Mon 23rd jan 2023 journal 2:17am

I need to piss but I’m here. I think I’m active again. my brain feels to be working fine again unlike on Saturday morning where I was completely stressing. I’m starting to think there’s should be rules you don’t do when you wanna get high. Rule number uno: do not smoke or consume edibles without eating first. Rule number two: do not consume edibles if you haven’t had sleep. It will increase your anxiety and you’ll have a bad trip. Rule number three: learn to micro dose your shit. It’ll make for a better high. Those are my three rules so far. I’m present as can be right now. I miss being able to do this without worrying about time but here I am. I really am an over thinker. I get so in my head about things because there’s an intrinsic need to be right. It’s like I’ve been trying to prove that I’m right all my life. It’s like I have to prove how smart I am to people for them to respect me. That’s how I’ve felt since I was probably around 7. Being conscious that you’re doing something in real time is quite a trip. If my mood was a number i think it would be 7.5/8 out of 10. I need to piss still. I missed the 2:22. It’s 2:23. My left foot is moving a lot because I need to piss. I’ve gone to piss. Exited the room and saw on BBC news that Lisa Marie Presley has been laid to rest. I know very little if anything about the woman. Anyways today is gonna be a good day. I do need to sleep though. I think I’m thinking about how tedious MYO week is going to be. I need to think of a way to not want to lose my will to live this week. It’s 2:27am. make that 28. sometimes I wonder if I have the answers like I say I do but then I ask myself do you really? cause things feel new and I’m not used to this and I think that’s contributing to my anxiety as to whether or not I’m doing well. I’m filling my mind with these time conscious wealth entrepreneurial “gurus” who come across to have a sincere message but all in all are telling me politely in other words to be in a different financial position than I am now and I hear it but like where’s the time when you’re in full time education. I feel like there’s a part of me i haven’t actually explored. I think my growth comes thru travelling without my mum by my side or so heavily influential on if I travel to places. But it’s also a thing where she believes I don’t listen to her enough and I don’t want any of her weird/crazy superstitions to come true. But your baby boys got to live and somethings got to give ma. This cold I’m feeling is so so heavy my goodness. I’ve felt cold days man. This is actually so bad. This is the type of cold you never want to be in. My room is so cold right now. This isn’t it man. This is why I need to make it out the hood! cause I can’t live like this all my life. I need luxury and affordable housing clothing and great value food in my life as well as a bad bitch that really trusts and loves me. If I’m keeping it so real with you. I don’t really know why I have a tense disposition but a lot of people say it and I’m kinda like I’m not tense? but people see it. I don’t like that. I don’t like that people see me that way. Don’t get me wrong my body is tense generally speaking BUT not to the point where I look robotic and shit. I just caught myself overthinking in real time lol. It’s 2:41am. I can faintly hear the bbc news playing in mums room. I’m also scared to tell people my dreams. I think it’s cause people won’t believe it and if people I love don’t believe in my dream I don’t think I can be around them. I don’t want to be around them. But I’m also not sure I have the talent for what I want to do. I wonder what’s robbed me of my self confidence. Unless I think my self and my art work in tandem. My art is so heavily tied to me you can’t really separate it without me taking very much personal offence to it. I need to learn that my art is only one extension of me and not my whole being. But I think outside of that i don’t really know myself like that. Like idk if I’d struggle to answer 10 things I really like or 10 things I do with myself outside of acting. Con 2:46am

[someone-give-me-a-hug]

Text SHOUT

people talk about knowing when it’s bad but a real give away is when your search history becomes filled with ‘text SHOUT’, ‘UK crisis lines’ ‘best suicide hotlines’. that’s definitely a sign. As my thumb hits send I am unsure. all of a sudden the idea of telling a stranger is scary. 

I’m reminded of the days family called it ‘a cry for attention’ when discussing their own perils of divorced life. I used to image what they’d say if I did it. Would they be able to hear my cries for attention through the thick wooden walls of my casket?

 Before I am put through I text the line 3 more times and still no reply. Not 10 minutes later. Not 30 minutes later. Nothing. I recheck the number, the code, the number again and still nothing. Then I am just 15 years old texting a number that won’t even reply. I am nothing, even after putting my name on the list for events meant to be a once a lifetime thing, i have no interest in reaching it. I am directionless and empty. 

I don’t want to worry people, I don’t want to bore, I don’t want to be this person. I don’t even think I am a person, just someones fever dream and disillusion. I’m reminded that I am worthless, useless, unlovable. I’m told people can’t see me in a relationship, married or even with someone by the time I’m old and gray. They say my name with such disgust that it makes me wonder ‘what turns the young into mindless balls of anger, a mirror of our parents?’ 

But as people tell me ‘life’s a bitch and then you die.’ I want the world to be soft, forgiving and breathable. Instead I’m drowning, screaming as water floods my lungs, I can’t hear, Can’t see, can only feel. the current gets stringer and I can’t move against it then... I don’t know what comes next. 

I like to imagine it feels like the edge of sleep; the moment in time when your body goes numb and your mind starts to wander. I’m too scared to find out what it actually is. 

Maybe it is all just attention seeking then? maybe I am what they say I am? I am scared though. Scared that maybe I am lovable and kind and soft. It’s just inconceivable. 

I’m told that asking for help isn’t a burden to other people, I even encourage people to take whatever they want from me but when I do it? It feels wrong. I am just putting things onto their shoulders that they cannot cope with. I am taking the image they have created of me and destroying. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.

 If I am deserving of love why does it feel wrong to receive it? why does the acidic burn of bile creep it’s way up my oesophagus when I’m offered love? It’s just not meant for me, I am not built to receive love. 

Even before birth that was the way it was, mum loves to talk about how she was pressured into IVF with the threat of a break up and how the night before my dad went on a bender.

 I was born a punching bag. I want to say ‘stop shouting, stop breaking things, you are being mean I don’t deserve this’ but I won’t. I’ll act as if I couldn’t care less about what is going on around me as I sit in front of my door just in case. 

After I’ll text SHOUT and no one not even them. I don’t have time to be suicidal. I have exams and stuff to do, things to solve. I don’t have time to heal.