#much less vlad in there :v

[phantomrose96]

Sham Sacrifice

(Hi it's time for my favorite headcanon)

...

Vlad Masters sat firm and proper on the Fenton Family couch, legs crossed, teacup pinched in his fingertips, fighting subtly against the sinkhole that came with the mistake of taking Jack’s usual spot on the couch. He appeared with all the same charm and delightfulness of an ant swarm rearranging your picnic.

Danny stood at the doorway, just-still-in-the-kitchen, just not inviting himself to join the adults in the living room where Jack boomed and rambled and Vlad sat so stiff and polite and nice that his tea in his hands was going cold.

“Oh, Danny you’ll love this story—Danny, you should join us—Danny this was, what, summer of ’84? When was that heatwave, Vladdy? The one where you—”

“There’s no need to bore Daniel with the mad ravings of two old kooks, Jack. Kids would rather be off at the mall or—some store, surely. No need to stick around Daniel on my behalf. I assure you I won’t be offended if you leave.”

“No worries, V-man. I’m good right here. I love hearing Dad’s stories." Danny met Vlad's challenge, speaking with more poisonous courtesy than Vlad had proffered first. "In fact I think he should tell a few more, if he’s got more in mind.”

“In fact I do have more in mind—” Jack answered.

Neither Danny nor Vlad were listening to Jack. They held eye-contact, Danny with a stern unblinkingness of a sheepdog on duty. A lot was said without words. A lot was understood when Vlad decided to visit through the front door. Vlad only used the front door when he wanted something.

And it was never good when Vlad wanted something.

“—the core reactor project, yeah? That summer? That was in the lab with no A/C. Top floor. We were sweating like pigs, all of us. And I dared you to eat the really moldy pizza from our fridge the night before and you ralphed right into—”

“—Surely you remember this more fondly than I do. Daniel, really, you can go.”

Not a chance.

“Actually,” Danny answered, brightening some as his opportunity struck. “I am interested in this. For science class I need to write a report on the invention of an important piece of technology. I was gonna ask Mom and Dad about the Ghost Portal. And now that you’re here, I can get the whole history.”

Jack made a giddy little noise. He leaned forward, words primed, but Vlad was quicker to the draw.

“Sorry to say, your faith in me is unfounded. I wasn’t the portal guy back in college—that was always your mother and father’s passion project. I was their skeptic.”

“Bet that’s got you feeling pretty foolish right now, doesn’t it V-man?” Jack chided, a quick jab to Vlad’s ribs that nearly unseated the teacup from his suspended saucer. “Considering the fully-functioning portal right beneath our toes.”

“I hardly feel foolish, Jack. Your calculation for the portal in college was never going to work.”

“What do you mean? Of course it did.” Jack thumped the ground with his foot. “It’s running the old girl right now.”

At this, Vlad’s eyes narrowed. For the first time he’d been shaken off whatever skeezy machinations had brought him in. His pride was being challenged, and by Jack no less.

“Absolutely not. With that calculation? Absolutely not.”

“Well forget the tea biscuits Vlad, because you’re going to be eating your words in a second. Mads, hold my spot,” Jack said, as if anyone was planning to take his spot. He bounced from the couch, scooted from the living room, and vanished into the dark maw of the lab stairs, leaving only the waning beat of his footsteps behind.

His absence filled only a swallowing few seconds. The footsteps returned, bounding upward, creaking with his heavy cadence, and Jack bounced back into the room in much the manner he left. A pad of yellow lined paper was clutched in his hand. When he dropped it on the coffee table, it revealed row after row of tight scribble, churning math, carrying down the page and occupying two entire pages more that Jack flipped through.

“Same baby I came up with in college. It just needed heavier dampening and higher voltage than what we made back then. The portal downstairs has that in spades. Well, in like two-thirds of a spade.” Jack tapped something on the last line. “The projection was still only hitting 70% of the threshold we calculated to reach dimension penetration. But it’s an art, not just a science. We fired it up anyway, and it took!”

Vlad grabbed the paper pad, agitated. His eyes ran over it. Then again. Until he settled on one line, a firmness overcoming his face. He tossed the pad back onto the coffee table, and Vlad leaned back into the couch, arms crossed.

“The lambda, Jack.”

“The lambda?”

“Check it again.”

Jack did, lips pursed, pad of paper nearly swallowed in his big meaty hand.

“What about--?”

“It squares. The units don’t balance otherwise. It originates from an integration step of λ*∂λ/∂t. It squares.”

Jack’s brow remained furrowed, firm, until delight cracked into his eyes, and he let out a laugh.

“Gods, my handwriting is gonna be the death of us. Mads,” he tapped something unseen on the second page. “That’s the genius of Vladdy. Cracked this puppy wide open with just a glance. I never noticed that in all my checking. That explains the missing 30%, at least. That explains how the portal took. Lucky for you Danny that Vlad was here—”

“Jack,” Maddie said.

“—your report can have the correct formula. It’ll be—”

“—Jack—”

“—A+ worthy—”

“—Jack,” Maddie said, curt. “Lambda is the ambient ecto-energy. It’s a few ten-thousandths of a unit.”

“It—huh.”

Maddie had surfaced a pen from her pocket. She sheared a few blank pages out from the back of the pad and started the formula fresh. She made quick work of copying it over, quicker work of solving it through – lambda-squared intact.

She hit the final line and hatched a pen mark beneath the number. Jack stared, confused.

“That can’t… no.”

He repeated the same. New pages torn loose. Formula copied over, processed, line by line by line—lambda squared—by line by line by line.

Jack settled on his answer. Same as Maddie’s.

Confusion made his face tense.

“So it’s not 70% of the way to the threshold… It’s 0.013% of the way to the threshold.”

He held the pen hard, his whole body holding firm and taut as the gears turned in his head. Jack’s eyes flickered across the formula, again and again and again. He looked to Maddie, like a dog issued a command he did not understand.

“But it worked,” he said, small. “But it worked.”

Jack stood, robotic almost, eyes lost in something far away. He disappeared into the lab almost as quickly as he had a few minutes before, but now he exited with a smoothness and a quietness so very uncharacteristic of him. It bothered Danny, somewhere deep in his gut.

Maddie followed, a possession matching Jack’s.

Danny’s fingers curled and uncurled. He’d succeeded. He’s successfully interrupted Vlad’s… whatever this was. But the disquiet infected him. He didn’t like it.

“So what does that mean?” Danny asked, perhaps to Vlad. “What’s wrong with the calculation?”

Vlad sipped on tea ice cold.

“Who knows?” Vlad lied.

…

The math didn’t work.

Maddie and Jack burned through paper, burned through pencils, burned through hours.

The math didn’t work.

Clothes stuck to skin. Sweat lingered fetid and stale in the cold basement air. Exhaustion beat like a slurry through their veins.

The math didn’t work.

The portal supervised all, placidly green, the light for their table, the light for their work when the lightbulb overhead burnt clean out and neither Jack nor Maddie could be pulled away to replace it. It stood, it watched, a testament of contradiction to everything they could not solve on paper, and yet everything they built directly into the fabric of reality.

And it should never have worked.

They threw every radical what-if they’d ever conceived over 20 years of ghost research.

The ecto-ether layer.

The latent activation stitches in space fabric.

The anti-ectomatter collision proposal.

The positive-feedback crystallization theory.

And still nothing worked.

All together, every crackpot theory in their favor taken for granted, racked them up to an activation energy 200x more potent than the calculation, and still just 2% of what would be needed to rip open, and hold open, a stable fissure between their reality and the ghost zone.

Maybe by pure luck, unfathomable luck, Fentonworks basement was directly situated atop a natural portal.

Maybe that would explain ripping it open. It did nothing to explain the stability. Natural portals were unstable by definition. There and gone in a few seconds. Not hours, days, weeks, months, a year, that the Fenton Portal had been open. Never so much as faltering.

It was late. 3am ticked away to 4am, and 4:30am. The discarded paper stacked higher than Jack and Maddie both. Calluses oozed from their hands at another attempt, and another, and another.

Maddie flipped through a folder’s worth of yellowed papers, aggressively thumbed over and over after two decades left untouched. And she settled on the one she’d passed over a few dozen times already, always seeking something else, something better.

This time she unsheathed it, and she placed it on the lab table.

“…If a mouse died. In the machine. If a mouse ran through the machine and accidentally bridged two live wires, and died of violent electrocution. 500 milliamps. Instantly melted into the circuitry.”

Maddie’s mouth was cotton-dry while she wrote. Ambient ecto-energy was low. Always very, very low.

Unless something very, very bad happened to something with the capacity to become a ghost.

The numbers wove. Maddie started the formula fresh, and it was pure muscle memory. A mouse. A big mouse, even. A 99th percentile beast of a mouse. And a wire that had been wired incorrectly. Something grounded that never actually grounded. An absolutely horrific amount of electricity.

0.37%, by pure numbers. If she included every permissive crackpot idea they had thrown on top, it topped out at 6% of the needed activation threshold.

Not a mouse.

“A cat,” Jack said, words gummy, tongue dry, face tired. “If we’ve got mice down here, maybe… a stray cat wandered in. Chased the mouse.”

Maddie nodded. It didn’t matter if it made sense.

She penned it in. A large cat. A devastating electrical short. Cats carried more ecto-potential than mice did. Ecto-potential did not necessarily go up with size. It went up with complexity. The things with the most ecto-potential were the things that most became ghosts.

1.45%, by pure numbers. 18% at absolute, absolute crackpot best.

“A dog,” Jack proposed with a shaky laugh. He swallowed. “A mouse… chased by a cat… chased by a dog… all electrocuted at once”

Maddie didn’t say the thing they both knew, which was that both of them would have noticed the evidence left behind by the electrically exploded pieces of a dog.

Maddie did it anyway. A mouse and a cat and a medium-sized dog, maybe just small enough to notice no evidence of, all together. All at once. All violently ripped apart, sacrificed to a machine still asleep in its wall.

Mice did not often make ghosts. Cats did not either. Dogs, occasionally. But infrequently. Very infrequently.

37%. At best.

“Jack.”

“Maddie, I know just—maybe something really smart—”

“—Jack—”

“—like an octopus—”

“Jack.”

“I hear, maybe, pigs are smart. If it was—”

Maddie was writing, already. Not for a pig. Not an octopus. Jack watched, and he knew what the numbers meant. The ecto-potential she penned gave her away. An ecto-potential that high.

65kg, an estimate

10,000 milliamps, a catastrophic accident, a death certificate.

A human’s amount of ecto-potential.

Maddie wrote.

And she wrote.

And she did not apply a single crackpot theory, not a single discredited proposal, not an ounce of exaggeration.

138%.

Threshold, and then some.

Comfortable, easily, then some.

For the first time, after all the hundreds of times she and Jack had penned this equation over the course of 2 decades, the number met her and Jack’s threshold.

A breakthrough.

A revelation.

A pure eureka moment.

Jack and Maddie were silent.

Alone in a humming basement. Alone with only the soft swirls of the portal for company, happy, stable, purring its contentment, singing to the cold air.

“It has to be something else,” Maddie said. And she said it weakly. And she said it childishly.

“You’re right. It can’t be this,” Jack echoed. “If someone died down here, we’d know. Dead bodies don’t walk away. We’d have seen it. O-or even if, if the body got stuck in the portal, we’d have heard of someone going missing.”

Maddie sat, quiet. A thought held her mind hostage.

“Unless they didn’t go missing,” Maddie said, and she said it barely audibly. “Unless the portal spit them right back out.”

“Then—that’s what I said—a dead body, on the floor, we’d have seen.”

“Not a dead body.”

“It had to be lethal, Mads—”

“I know Jack. But if they died, here, in the portal Jack, then their ghost did not get ripped away from the body and sent to the Ghost Zone. …They ripped the Ghost Zone here.” Palms slick with sweat smoothed over her notes. She pointed to one specific line and found her pen tip trembled no matter how badly she stabilized it. “The ecto-potential of a creature is how strong of a pull their ghost creates on the Ghost Zone. A strong enough pull means the ghost can reach the Ghost Zone and stabilize, like a fish reeling itself up, yeah? We agree on this Jack, yes?”

“Yes,” Jack answered.

“It’s what makes the math even work, Jack. Someone dying in the portal didn’t reel themselves to the boat. They reeled the boat in. Jack, they brought the Ghost Zone here…” Maddie wasn’t breathing right. She pulled sweat-soaked bangs away from her face. “Their ghost never left their body Jack. They died, Jack. And they walked back out.”

“…No. No,” Jack said. “No, they didn’t.”

“Then what?” Maddie asked.

Jack stared. He looked away. He didn’t like the expression on Maddie’s face.

“It—what about the ecto-ether theory?” Jack said, of the theory they’d tested and retested and tested all over, all night. He grabbed his pencil back up and pointed it aimlessly at Maddie’s piece of paper, pointed end out in self-defense. “If the ecto-ether is maybe… if it’s only 250-times stronger than we calculated. Then it could…”

Jack’s voice died. His pencil hung idle. Maddie’s paper remained unblemished.

“If it… was a pig,” Jack offered. “If it was a pig that died in the portal.”

“How, Jack? How would a pig get in? We lock all the doors at night, Jack. No one else can get in, Jack. It’s just us, Jack.”

Jack and Maddie were not there when the portal turned on.

Maddie’s statement carried two possibilities. Only two. Both felt like claws digging all the flesh right out of Jack’s heart.

“I want… I want to try the ecto-ether theory again,” Jack choked. “I think it’s the ecto-ether. I think it’ll work.”

Jack slid a piece of paper over, already covered in scribbles. In its single untouched corner, he started the equation for the several-thousandth time that night.

Above their head, birds were singing.

Sunrise hailed unseen from the windowless laboratory.

…

At 6am, Vlad answered his cell phone. The reception crackled, struggling through the layers of sheetrock above his head.

“Vlad?” Maddie’s voice crackled. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Not at all my dear.” Vlad leaned his weight against the wall, playing with the singsong melody in his voice. “But you sound exhausted. Is anything the matter?”

“Yes. Well… Yes. Jack and I have—all night—trying to fix the equation.”

“Naturally.”

“We found something that maybe works.”

“Oh?” Vlad asked. He straightened, pacing now, cracklingly attentive. “And what might that—”

“If someone died. Activating the portal. We have an on-switch inside the portal’s interior. The trigger we use to press it is external to the portal, of course. But if someone went inside the portal, and they pressed it directly, and if they died, and pulled the Ghost Zone here—”

Vlad’s red eyes reflected pools of iridescent green. He twirled his free hand in the fringes of his cape, tongue working over the fanged edges of his teeth. He stared, consumed, forward.

“—and just, you, I was thinking, you’re the only other expert I’d trust to… maybe weigh in.”

“What does Jack think?”

“He denies it. He’s still. He’s trying other theories.”

“Well who knows, surely? The answer may lie somewhere you haven’t looked.”

“…I’ve looked everywhere, Vlad. That's the thing. There is no more ‘somewhere else’. I’ve looked.”

“You sound like your mind is made up.”

“I just… if maybe you have some idea.”

“Am I meant to talk you out of this idea?”

“Vlad.”

“Do you think I have some secret information you don’t? Sorry to say, I’m just your skeptic.” Some noise came through muffled from the other side. Vlad flashed a smile. “But…as your skeptic I will offer you this—It all sounds a bit absurd, doesn’t it? To kill someone and have them come back intact and… for you to never notice? Who would they be? How would they be? Surely not human anymore, surely. How would you never notice?”

Vlad paced forward, booted feet clicking along his laboratory floor.

“It would be ridiculous,” he continued, with a building crescendo, “so unfathomably self-centered surely, to not notice something like that befall someone so close to you, who died at the hands of your own invention? …If I’m correctly inferring who, in your household, you suspect of having activated the portal?” Vlad’s tongue lingered along his teeth.

Maddie’s line held, quiet. And the seconds of static drew long.

“Ah, apologies. I’ve overstepped,” Vlad continued. “I meant this as a vote of confidence in you. You and Jack both. Two people as attentive, caring, compassionate as yourselves. You would notice. I promise.”

“You’re… Okay, thank you, Vlad. I appreciate it.”

“Is there anything else, my dear?”

“No. No. Thank you, Vlad. I’ll think about this.”

Maddie’s line clicked dead. A chuckle built to Vlad’s lips and he let his head tip back with mirth. It lasted only a moment. He stowed his phone. And as if the interruption had never happened, Vlad reaffixed his attention on his own portal swirling in front of him. It bathed him, swimming green, purring contentment.

And Vlad vanished into his portal.

(Chapter 2)

[sporesgalaxy]

updated a little flashback Vladlence script thing that I started writing in like 2020. some of you may remember this comic

Smile :)

•••

[The year is 1990-something-- before Vlad betrayed and temporally displaced Silence that one time. Vlad and Silence (in human disguise) are at some kind of businesspeople shindig. They've stepped outside for some air and are basically alone. Vlad has a glass of wine.]

S: Lord. I'd forgotten how tedious these are.

V: They're really not worth it unless you can drink. It was so much worse when my parents would drag me to these as a child.

S: Hm. I didn't mind my father's business functions, but my ex-husband's were insufferable.

V: [chokes on wine] "Ex-husband?"

S: Well... "Ex" in that my untimely departure left him a widower, yes.

V: ...is he a--

S: [rolling eyes] NO, he is not a ghost.

V: Still! How have you not mentioned him once?

S: [shrugs] It didn't come up.

V: That isn't fair! I've spilled my guts to you for your research. You HAVE to tell me something!

S: You're being ridiculous.

V: ...That's it. I've decided.

S: Decided what?

V: The favor you owe me for bringing you along as my plus-one tonight!

S: Oh, please! All I've learned this evening is that you're still capable of being intoxicated by normal amounts of human alcohol.

S: Now, you've learned that I had a husband once, a very long time ago. I'd say we're already even.

V: [pouts]

S: Why does it even matter to you?

V: .........if I say, will you tell me more about your human life?

S: I--! Oh, fine. Whatever. Yes.

V: Because marriage is--! It's--! Marriage is everything! It changes your whole life! You finally have someone to always be there for you, in sickness and in health and all that.

V: How could you just...[mimes swatting something out of the air with his free hand] move on, after that? It makes no sense!

S: [tuts, rolls her eyes] You're insufferably romantic, you know that?

S: Marriage is not "everything." My marriage had everything to do with finances, and precious little to do with anything else.

V: ...Oh.

S: That's less common these days, I'll admit, but forgive me if I still feel you're overselling it.

V: ...Well...Still, he was there, right? At least you had someone.

S: [annoyed] Sure. Can we talk about something else now?

V: Did you have a family? [leans against the balcony, resting his chin on a hand, smiling expectantly]

S: [frowning] ...Not the change of subject I was hoping for.

V: [just keeps looking expectantly]

S: [sighs heavily] [trying to be annoying on purpose] Well, I had a mother and father, two siblings-- both of which died in infancy-- and on my mother's side, my cousins--

V: [impatiently] I meant with your husband!

S: [twitches] ...No. It was just he and I, and then I died.

V: Oh.

S: [snarky & bitter] ...Then, he remarried a nice young lady who got to keep all of our money. They, I believe, had several children together.

[Silence is quiet in a sort of uncomfortable angry way. Vlad, oblivious, gets lost in his own thoughts.]

both: .......

V: [CLEARLY thinking about Maddie. a bit dreamily] ...do you ever wish that you could do it all over?

[Vlad is looking at the sky, and doesnt see the judgemental, incredulous look Silence immediately shoots him]

V: That you had more time to make it work?

S: [humorless laugh] HAH! No!

V: [snapped out of his reminiscing, looks at her, surprised] No?

S: [like its an uninteresting, obvious fact] My life didn't have anything worth going back to.

V: [disgust directed at the percieved failure of the faceless husband figure] He was that bad?

S: [waves dismissively] No, no. Our marriage wasn't bad. It just wasn't--

S: ......well, it wasn't much of anything, I suppose.

V: [furrows eyebrows] Hm.

S: [after a short pause] I much prefer this.

V: [for some reason, his heart skips a beat] This?

S: [a bit frantically] My research! In the Ghost Realm. The achievement, the influence, you know. Much more fulfilling.

V: [nods, a bit spacey because of a weird inexplicable feeling he's having] Ah. I see.

[tanith-rhea]

Only Pretending #4

Ok, this time I'll tag everyone who ever asked! @the-bagel24, @regalbootie, @tundra1029, @thoroughly--confused, @lilsmeaux, @poorwritingandstalecoffee, @alder-saan Thank you so much, lovelies 💛 And of course, the person behind all of this @anti-bright-places 💛💛 This one was very fun to write, Morticia is the spice we needed to get a move on and realize our dumbass feelings (more or less)

Word count: 3k words

Of course Larissa had issues about pretending to date you. She didn’t like you; it was clear from how she treated you so professionally and never sought to know you before all this. If she didn’t outright dislike you, at least she didn’t care for your existence and wasn’t thrilled to spend her weekend with you by her side.

It all made sense. She could tolerate being physically close but dismissed kissing as soon as you suggested it, the best she could. You had drunk an entire bottle of wine the first time before getting close. With just a few fours of bourbon, she wasn’t nearly as welcoming to your advances. These were the thoughts plaguing your mind for hours after you left her office and hours after you woke up the next day. The day of your trip. She only indulged you when she was drunk, and what did that make of you? Taking advantage of her like that? If it weren’t so on the spot you would have sent her an e-mail pretending to be sick to get rid of going.

You spent the entire morning in your room and didn’t go out for lunch, not wanting to risk seeing her in the corridors or, even worse, in the staff’s kitchen. You could wait until three p.m. to eat.

You would leave at four, arrive before dinner and spend the night at the Addams’ Manor. You felt nauseous simply thinking about it. You would dine together, pretend to be a happy couple, and then go to your shared room and sleep in the same bed. All that against Larissa’s better wishes.

She chose Vlad because she was comfortable with him. On the other hand, you barely knew each, and she couldn’t mask her unwillingness even when it was only the two of you. The whole thing would probably go wrong before dessert.

At least then you wouldn’t have to deal with feeling this awful.

Before you knew it was only half an hour for you to part. You hadn’t eaten and rushed to take a shower and look presentable before going down to the entrance where she would be expecting you.

Larissa rented a 1960’s Phantom V and you thanked god for the small mercy of not having to travel four hours in the academy’s van.

When she saw you, you could feel her immediate hesitation like it was a material wall between you. Her posture was impeccable, her hair meticulously done and her make-up flawless; she looked like the picture of the perfect woman, including all the incommodiousness that brought.

“I can help with your bag.” She said calmly, taking the heavy thing you were carrying and easily putting it in the trunk. Everything seemed calculated; civility 101.

“Thank you.” You only managed to mumble before opening the passenger door and avoiding her altogether.

She didn’t try to chat, which you were grateful for. Starting the engine, she focused solely on driving and left you alone in your own world.

It was hell. You were hungry, tired, sad, and pretty much in love with Larissa Weems. While you looked outside the window, trying to ignore the tightness in your chest, the only thing you wanted was for her to hold you and kiss it better. When you were seconds away from asking her to pull over and call off the entire thing, she spoke.

“I cannot do this anymore.”

Oh, so you both wanted to stop.

“What can’t you do?” you asked, trying to facilitate it for her.

“I can’t force you to come with me when you’re so obviously distressed by it.” She stopped the car in a roadside grove and turned to look at you candidly. “If you want to go back, I’ll drive you. I can say I came alone again, it’s what I should have done in the first place.”

You were surprised and uncertain. She was denying her own feelings and making it sound like you were the one to not want this. She was being kind.

“I just wanted to help you…” you started, but she interrupted you.

“You see, I wanted that to be possible. But I cannot ask you as my employee to do something like that for me. It’s unprofessional, unethical and bordering on assault.” She was so agitated and had such a pained expression on her face that you felt almost guilty.

She left the car in a sudden move, leaning against the door after closing it. Probably can’t stand being near me, you thought, but she couldn’t run from the conversation, try as she might.

You left as well and walked around to her side, her face was covered by her hands, and she was taking deep breaths. She seemed so stressed, on the verge of crying or screaming. Maybe you weren’t the only one who couldn’t sleep thinking about the disaster of last night.

“I hoped you could do it as a friend.” She said behind her hands, her voice weak and muffled. She let them fall to look at you once again, her eyes were clear, the blue lighter than a morning sky, but she wasn’t crying. “But you clearly cannot,” she admitted as if it was true.

You didn’t know what to tell her at first, seeing her so distressed and, apparently, fully convinced that it was you the one rejecting her company.

“I would like to do it as your friend.” You whispered, walking closer to be in front of her.

A small line formed between her eyebrows as she shook her head looking puzzled.

“I would,” you continued, “I just didn’t think you saw me as one. I can barely believe I already consider you mine after so few meaningful talks.” The bittersweetness of the sentence left a bad taste in your mouth, but you yearned to say it again, in another context, another world, really.

She seemed deep in thought, surveying you with care before saying, “Do you mean any of that, truly? It won’t change anything in our professional relationship, I want you to understand that.”

“Why do you think I’m so scared of you treating me differently?” you snapped, more frustrated than angry, “I know you, Larissa. I know you’re professional and would never abuse your power or make me feel uncomfortable at my place of work! If anything, you are the only boss I’ve ever had whom I trust not to be like this.”

You were so sick and tired of her checking in on you, asking if it was truly all right. You said it from the beginning and didn’t understand why she was so hung up on it.

“You do?” her confusion only baffled you further.

“Of course, I do! Why would I agree to something crazy like this if I didn’t trust you?”

She nodded as if understanding your point. Honestly, it would be adorable if it weren’t so exasperating.

“Now can we resume our trip? I’m hungry and as soon as we arrive I can finally eat,” you confessed.

“I brought some sandwiches if you’d like,” Larissa said, and you could kiss her, “They’re in the back seat.”

“I’ve never loved you more, woman.” You said before quickly opening the door and getting the food from the container you didn’t notice before.

The principal seemed satisfied with that, less tense and actually smiling at you devouring the goods.

“If that’s your reaction to sandwiches I definitely cook for us when I need to soothe things over,” she mused and your chest hurt at the thought.

“That’s good for cute anecdotes if someone asks,” you smiled to mask the forlornness you felt, and eating the rest of your food suddenly turned into a difficult task.

When you were finished, you put away the container with the other sandwiches and plastered an actual smile on your face before looking back at her. You did feel better on a full stomach. Less tired and a lot less sad. She wanted to be friends and if that was all you got you were happy with it, at least she didn’t despise you.

“So, are we getting back on the road?” you chirped, and Larissa gave you an earnest smile.

“Only after you give me a hug to prove everything’s fine.”

You weren’t expecting it, but you would take whatever you got, so you went right to her arms. She held you tighter than anticipated, resting her chin atop your hair, and you felt tingly and content when you parted.

“Alright!” You went back to your side. “On we go, then.” You opened the door and slumped on your seat; it wouldn’t be so horrible as you thought.

The next three hours passed easily. Time flowed when you and Larissa started talking about work, the students, idle musings about Jericho and hot spots in Burlington that you never thought of going to. You learned each other’s taste in music, preferred weather, hobbies and general things a partner would know, but the funny thing was that you hadn’t planned to, it wasn’t for the sake of pretending; it was just conversation. You had to remind yourself time and time again that you weren’t on a road trip date or getting to know each other in any other capacity besides Larissa wanting to be friends with you.

Her interest in your PhD dissertation was exhilarating and she was very polite to not mention your ridiculous excitement and incessant babbling about it.

Overall, you didn’t see the pass of time, and suddenly you were entering the gardens of the Addams Family Mansion.

“How do you want to be when we leave the car?” you asked, looking at the imposing building and noting someone opening the door.

“What do you mean?” she was busy parking and adjusting whatever it was in the car buttons – not many on an old model like that one. You knew she was just trying to look busy.

“Do you want to hold hands? Maybe I can loop my arm in yours… hold your upper arm?”

“Oh…” for someone who had been so relaxed just a few moments before, she seemed a second away from restarting the engine and getting the fuck off.

You decided to be brave for a change, and clicking free of your seat belt, leaned over her to kiss her cheek. She was looking straight forward, so it was difficult to see her expression, but her shoulders did lose a bit. You put a hand over hers in the parking brake, gently squeezing until she took a long breath and nodded, appearing to have returned to the land of the living.

“Yes… I think the looped arm will do,” she said vacantly.

You left the car and a giant pale-grey man walked close to you – he was even taller than Larissa, around five or six inches so – and from behind him a dark sauntering figure emerged, Morticia Addams.

“Lurch, be a dear and take Larissa’s belongings to the second guest room,” she said in her smoky, forcedly charming voice. You didn’t want to be the bitter girlfriend, but you couldn’t help the pang of annoyance she instantly sparkled in you without doing so much as look at Larissa. “I didn’t know you were bringing someone,” it wasn’t a question, but her arched brow and higher tone at the end prompted a presentation.

“Pleasure to meet you,” you said with the world’s fakest smile on your lips, “I’m Y/n L/n, Wednesday’s chemistry professor and Larissa’s partner.” You reached a hand for her to take, and she only lightly touched your fingers out of forced politeness.

“I believe we met briefly at Nevermore,” she gave you a nauseatingly sweet smile while looking at you from top to bottom and back up.

You grabbed Larissa’s arm more from the need to have something to hold and ground yourself than to pretend at intimacy. You needed some sort of reassurance to keep you from jumping at the woman’s throat.

“Yes. Wednesday likes to pilfer some things from the lab every now and then,” you chuckle at the thought. You didn’t mind it as long as she wasn’t getting herself and others in danger, which sometimes was the case. She never took big quantities to be a real problem anyway. Larissa disagreed.

“I try to keep her under control, but you know how they are at this age,” she said, looking truly regretful, and you felt a bit of sympathy for her.

“Yes, I deal with about a hundred of them. I don’t mind it, don’t worry,” you smiled, and Larissa mumbled in, sounding peeved as you would expect.

“Doesn’t mean she can do it. One day she’ll create a hazard and it will be your responsibility, I won’t defend you to the board, do you hear me?” she was adorable when irritated; especially by silly things such as those.

You only scrunched your nose at her, trying to keep your smile at bay, before Morticia asked you to accompany her inside. Lurch had already vanished and the darkness was thickening at every passing moment.

You were shown to your room, where you both were to shower and prepare for dinner. Your things were on the bench at the end of the bed, both suitcases carefully piled not to fall.

“So,” Larissa walked into the room after Morticia closed the door, “What do you think?”

“Of what? Her? The mansion? Answers may vary severely.”

“Entertain me with your reasoning.” She arched a brow and sat on the bed, looking more relaxed than a few instants before and clearly amused.

“First, if we were together, I would have killed that woman already,” you began, and she laughed.

“Jealous, much?”

“You don’t understand! The way she looks at me and talks to you makes my skin tingle, not in the good way! Someone has to teach her good manners, you’re mine!” it slipped, it completely slipped, and you scrambled for something to say to fix it, “Supposedly, I mean!” you felt your cheeks already burning, “You know what I meant…” you descended, defeated. With any luck her mind didn’t even go there in the first place.

“And second, the mansion is creepy paradise. I love it. I mean who has on-suit bathrooms in their ‘second’ guest room? Are you kidding me?”

Larissa hummed, taking off her shoes and letting her hair loose, “Morticia did marry into a good life,” she mused.

She looked so beautiful like that, you couldn’t speak for a while. She was the picture of homely comfort, of domesticity. You felt so privileged to see her in anything other than her professional self. You had to acquire Vlad some AB Positive to thank him.

“Do you want to go first? I’d like to rest a bit before getting ready,” her voice was soft, and you were engulfed by the need to kiss her silly into the comfortable-looking bed she sat at. However, you only nodded stiffly and went to the bathroom, leaving her to lie down and decompress for a while, she would need it if Morticia planned a five-course dinner as she said.

The bathroom was almost half the size of your quarters at the academy, with a bathtub and separate shower space, double vanity and an enormous mirror with a black gothic frame. You were torn between feeling amazed and vexed at the blunt display of wealth, but the thrill of having it at your disposal overpowered all else.

After a long, hot shower, your muscles were singing praise to Morticia and all her descendants, blessing them for expensive supplies and relaxing steam.

Just before entering the bedroom, you remembered not taking any clothes with you. There were two tidily rolled robes between the sinks, so you wouldn’t leave completely bare, but the thought of wearing close to nothing in the same space as Larissa made your stomach turn. It would have to do.

You steeled yourself before opening the door, taking a deep breath and tightening the belt. When you entered the room, all the air you took escaped your lungs in a slow, fond realization: she fell asleep. Larissa had taken off her jacket and lay on her side across the bed, one hand close to her face and the other loose over her middle. She looked so peaceful. She must have been tired from driving; that and the bad sleep you probably caused her by making her think you wanted out of the plan. It was becoming more and more difficult not to kiss her, hug her, lie with her and smother her with love and care. You thought it was all just a passing fancy for your boss, but every second that passed made you question if that was all it really was.

Cleaning your throat, you busied yourself with opening your suitcase. “I’m done, Larissa… if you want to go now, you can” you tried to sound less strangled and only half-succeeded.

Her adorable “Hm?” right before fully waking made your heart clench.

“Right, yes, thank you.” She said absentmindedly before getting a change of clothes, like any normal person, and going to the bathroom.

While you were readying yourself, a knock came at the door. Larissa was still in the shower, so you prepared to ask whomever it was to wait.

“Mrs Addams. Hello,” it was Morticia, of course.

“I just wanted to pass and see if you’re comfortable. Is Larissa inside?” she tried to look over your shoulder into the room.

“She’s having a shower,” you felt suddenly protective and half closed the door so the only thing she could see was you.

She arched an eyebrow at your comment. “So you aren’t…” she smiled, looking off into the distance for a while as if her musings were much more interesting than finishing her sentence or you understanding what she meant.

“We aren’t what?” you snapped, not meaning to sound so annoyed.

She shifted her gaze at you instantly, looking surprised with your intromission. “Aren’t intimate enough to have it together.” She only smiled at that, smugly, and turned to go. “Oh, and dinner will be ready in half an hour, so tell her, you know, through the other side of the door, to hurry.” And then she was off.

Chapter Five

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Writing in tags got a ball rolling and I'm thinking more and more about full ghost/bitter babysitter Vlad

Thinking about how Jazz and Danny grew up with ghost hunters as parents and a ghost as an uncle, the types of wrenches it throws into the family's relationships with each other...

Starting with the parents' perspective,

It's easy in the beginning to dismiss the paradoxical nature of ghost hunters having a ghost live with them, The Ghostbusters had Slimer, Fentonworks has V-Man. At the start, their tiny children can see and understand the difference between their friendly uncle Vlad (who at the start, looked like a pathetic wet kitten) and a 'real' dangerous ghost.

It's less easy when you and your old friend wind up in an arms race driven and perpetuated by both rational and irrational fear.

At the start when he looked human and his grudge was apparent but it was shown when he was passive-aggressively doing chores around the house and getting the kids ready for school, it was funny, guilt-trippy, sure, but also helpful. Now that the kids are teenagers and can do their own share of the chores and get themselves ready for school that grudge needs other ways to manifest and he can't break inventions and loom ominously on their bedroom ceiling forever.

"We're not *just* ghost hunters, there's more to our studies than dissection and having Vladdie around makes those other studies easier."

With time, turns into...

"Well, how would we know if our anti ghost forcefields and other ghost proofing gadgets work or not if we didn't have a ghost to test them on?"

With more time, turns into...

"This is the Fenton Ecto-Vaporizer, it turns every ghost caught in its rays into nothing but steam! Well, every ghost except the pesky patient because it grew immune to Blood Blossoms and effect amplifying serums 🙄"

And for the most part 'the ghost haunting our home for decades is immune to our shock collar and we need to make something stronger or he'll rip our spines out of our bodies and wear our skins like coats' is said in jest,

at the end of the day,

during those nights that SHOULD be silent but their guilty consciences make the whispers at the end of the bed recounting the day they not only killed, but dumped their best friend like garbage and fled the state that much louder as the bright red eyes of the vengeful spirit become their unwelcome night light...

They have to ask themselves will he kill them before or after the kids go to college?

From the kids' perspective... where do I even start?

Okay, good news is that they had a good tradeoff with a better childhood, I mean for starters their Christmases were a lot less nasty with Uncle Vlad and I strongly suspect that Little Danny's favorite Christmas story of all time was 'A Christmas Carol' as he'd love the christmas ghosts thanks to knowing his own 'christmas ghosts'.

And both kids grow up knowing that ghosts CAN be good people, they see their uncle lose his outer humanity over the years while they grow up and come to understand that just because a ghost can *look* mean and scary doesn't mean that they *are* mean.

Danny would likely have more 'tools' in his belt other than fighting. Sure, fighting's on the table if need be, but when it comes to different ghosts and their different issues, he'd likely stop and ask himself "Is this ghost who's screaming about a dance in need of a butt-kicking, or is she in need of some help?"

but as teenagers who can see that their family situation is NOT normal...

Jazz knows that there's more to Vlad's tragic story than 'I was really sick and your parents didn't visit me in the hospital :C'. She also knows he's not telling her.

Granted, nobody's really comfortable telling the girl one raised to adulthood that their parents murdered and abandoned them without a second thought,

But the whimsy and charm of 'oh look my uncle's a ghost' is lost when 1. you're not a kid anymore. and 2. getting him to be emotionally honest and upfront with you about his past is like pulling teeth.

Does Danny go to any of the adults when the accident happens? CAN he go to any of the adults when the accident happens?

It's established how he hates the idea of his parents getting a divorce, of losing his family, and at this point in time despite their attempts to hide it in front of him and Jazz, he can pick up that Vlad is not happy with or around his parents who in turn appear more and more uncomfortable with their old friend.

He knows that his mom and dad can put up with ghosts if they absolutely need to, but how will they take knowing that HE'S a ghost?

And how will Uncle Vlad himself take it?

He can trust him to teach him everything he knows about being a ghost, but at the same time, he's grown up watching Vlad destroy any and all inventions his parents make that seem too dangerous to them, so what would he do to his parents if he knew that 'their negligence killed him'?

[danvolodar]

Pathologic and the Town's Russianness: 3

A close continuation of the previous part, this one will address a much narrower issue: the forms of address used in the Town.

I originally intended to write this up in the previous part, since signs of respect and politeness are closely linked to social class, but that part turned out long as it is. Still, keep that idea in mind when reading further.

If ever you tried to learn Russian, even the most basic parts, you must be aware it has two different pronouns for "you": a polite one (vy) and a familiar one (ty). It is of course not a unique feature for an Indo-European language: it's called "T-V distinction" and it's encountered in many other languages of the same group (and many other languages have their own ways to differentiate pronouns for the same purpose).

Not to send my non-Russian readers to read a whole wikipedia page, the basic idea behind the usage is the following. Vy is used for someone you are expected to respect: those older than you or in higher social position. Ty is used for subordinates, those younger than you, and close family (so it's still the one you'd use when addressing your grandma, for instance, even if she's much older than you - but that bit changed over time).

Closely linked to that is the usage of particular name forms. A Russian name consists of a given name, a patronymic (the given name of the person's father in a special form, normally with an -ovich or -vich suffix attached), and a surname. So the Haruspex' full name would be Artemy Isidorovich Burakh. This system has been in use without much change for centuries - there were calls to change it during the Revolution, but in the end in remained unchanged (in reality - in Disco Elysium, if you remember, the Deserter has a matronymic: Iosef Lilianovich Dros). The polite way to address someone is with their name and patronymic, used for someone you'd use vy with. Using simply the given name is less polite (although it can be used both with ty and vy); and then finally there's the dimunitive name form used for close friends and family (so, the grandma from the example above you'd call "baba Katya", not "Ekaterina Matveevna").

Keeping all that in mind, let us now briefly examine the ways those conventions are used in Pathologic.

And it's going to be real brief because they aren't.

Or rather, the different name forms aren't used in their entirety. Characters remarkably rarely address each other by name, all in all, but when they do, it's either by the given name, or by the nickname. Artemy has to speak with a few figures of authority, such as Big Vlad, Georgiy Kain or Alexander Saburov, and even for the ones he has no reasons to despise (well, Georgiy out of that list, I guess), he never uses a patronymic. Similarly, when talking with close friends (such as Rubin, Lara, Grief, or Dankovsky, depending on your interpretations), not a single time any of them use the dimunitives - even Grief, who otherwise has very casual, ostentatiously casual even, speech patterns.

Dimunitives also aren't used when talking with kids, but that can be explained away by none of them carrying names rather than nicknames. I believe Artemy is only acquainted with two kids with names that have well-known dimunitives in Russian: Capella and Maria Kaina. Needless to say, he uses dimunitives for neither.

T-V distinction, on the other hand, is used in the Russian version, and it carries a bit of meaning then. For instance, Saburov uses vy with Artemy at all times, other than when he thinks him a patricide and orders him jailed (and Artemy returns the favour, using ty when asking if he's delirious making that decision). Similarly, Aglaya and Artemy start out addressing each other with vy, then move to ty without discussing that. Georgiy and Artemy use vy for each other at all times, even if it would be acceptable to address the latter with ty since he's much younger. Artemy uses vy with Big Vlad, and he reciprocates, but adds "my boy" each time so it sounds rather sarcastic, and he switches to ty casually when the situation calls for that - same as Artemy does when accusing the man of treating the Kin like cattle.

Outside of the ruling families, the Haruspex only addresses Block, Lyuricheva and Dankovsky with vy, and he switches to ty half-way with the latter (which can be seen as them becoming friends, at last). It can be seen as a reflection of their social status and class, as discussed in the previous part.

But the funny thing is, almost nothing of that makes it into the English translation. There are two exceptions I know. First, where Big Vlad uses ty to address Artemy in Russian, in English he moves from the patronizing "my boy" to downright insulting "boy". Second, Dankovsky and Burakh discuss changing the pronouns used: the Bachelor says the Haruspex can use ty with him. The translation plays around it: Artemy swears, excuses himself, and Daniil says he has no need to limit himself in his presence.

I think it a very rare case of successfully translating the meaning in what otherwise is a translation that mangles the initial work badly.

So, summing this part up: the game uses none of the different terms of address found in Russian in its dialogs if it's played in English; it only uses one modality of the two commonly used if played in Russian.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Ok, was thinking about the MHA Monster High AU, & saw the Winx Club Reboot tag, now thinking of MHA Winx Club AU. Katsuki's the Earth kid who didn’t know magic existed. Izuku is her friend who ends up tagging along, eventually going to Red Fountain. Kirishima is the Dragon Fairy. Todoroki's thing is less "fire/ice" but more "witch/fairy" magic. Aizawa works as a fairy. Vlad King is a witch. All Might is at Red Fountain. Nezu controls all three schools.

The mental image of these bitches in sparkly ass outfits is GREAT

I think my one thing is that I'd need to have Izuku stay the main character because as much as I love Katsuki I'm a stickler for keeping the roles focusing on a roleswap.

The implication that the 1-A v 1-B split is Faerie v Witch is great though.

Shoto can still work with Fire and Ice but I do think the Faerie and Witch is an extra fun add on.

[the-covens-headmate-inspo]

Hi, I love your template/set-up, so I hope this works :) a bit awkward at actually requesting-

Could we have a Danny phantom headmate? Maybe a sort of dysphoria holder and/or denial holder? Not picky, just honestly would love to see what you come up with

Name: Danny Phantom/Fenton

Age: 14

Gender: Trans male.

Xenogenders: lumerangic, tatteredplushic, toothgender, mattersystem, memoriaec, typogender, ultragender, undeadgender, nexgender, vtubegender, vitreegender, persephrogender, phantasmagoric, wing-gender, reinylgender, radioactivegender, wondergender, xenohoarder, yokaigender, yunkgender, zombie-ghostgender, amation.

Pronouns: He/they

Neopronouns: ar/arso, pel/pelt, rot/rots, scra/scratch, wi/wings, wyn/wyn/wynd, zero/zero, v/tube, v/vtu, rad/radioac, wo/wonder, ty/typo, lu/lumer, yo/kai, zom/zombie, gho/ghost, dea/death, hal/halfa, nex/nex, nex/nexus, pla/planet, nov/nova, cro/cron, constel/constellation, jup/jupiter, ven/venus, lun/lun, ect/ecto, spir/spiri, cor/corp, haun/haunt, chir/chirp, pur/purr, voi/void, prot/protect, shei/sheild, pup/pup, kit/kit, boo/boo, faun/faun, vae/vaer, spoo/spooky, dae/daem.

Species: Halfa (Half-ghost, half-human)

Sexuality: pansexual

Gen. personality: fun loving, chaotic, sarcastic, dry humor,

Appearance: tan skin, lichtenberg scar, blue eyes, black hair, red baseball shirt, blue jeans. OR pale blue-ish skin, glowing green litchenberg scar, glowing green eyes, white hair, black jumpsuit with white accents.

Primary role: Dysphoria Holder.

Secondary role: Protector.

Polyroles/any roles other than primary and secondary: ghost xeno-role, arsonist.

Boundaries: Don’t mention his death around him, don’t mention his parents or Vlad, absolutely no demeaning ghosts or people, NEVER mention the GIW, don’t ever imply he’s less than human- or more than in any way, never remove dismiss his obsessions (Protection & Space), don’t mention ships that didn’t exist in his canon around him, don’t insult Sam, Tucker, and/or Jazz.

Moral alignment: Chaotic good leaning neutral.

Source: Danny Phantom.

Views on canon: It’s uncomfortable- it makes light of things that left him traumatized, some things in it never happened and some important things were never mentioned.

Source vs. canon (pls specific if canon compliant): Things were much more serious, his parents were unable to see past him being a ghost, Vlad was not much better, the only people he had on his side were Sam, Jazz, and Tucker; he hid his identity till he couldn’t went on the run when it was revealed until New Zealand fully legalized ghosts and started to advocate for them, Sam Jazz Tucker and him all decided to stay in New Zealand though, ghosts brawl to bond, obsessions are very serious, so are cores, etc.

View on source talk: It’s fine as long as it doesn’t delve into any trauma.

View on sourcemates: He’d love to meet them.

View on doubles: Eh, he’s pretty chill with them.

Voice claim (actors/singers/celebrities): Canon voice

Pfp:

Miscellaneous:

[redhairedfish]

he's unbearable Vlad jr.: I've got a job for you. you're "great with a razor", that's why... Bad Grief: holy shit! what a claims _ G: and why didn't you go to Stakh? he'll be a better barber than me. or somewhere else... V: I need to go outside less now. and we don't get along with Stakh. and you have no reason to harm ME. so that... G: Oh, yeah. I am flattered that you chose me, sir, flattered! _ LATER: V (groping): what have you done, you bastard, what are you doing?? G: so much better! that's how SMOOTH it IS LOOK _ *kiss* G: wait, Olgimsky! you forgot your jacket! Warehouse worker: well, you're a prankster, Dad. you have no equal. I'm just getting high. G: and why not? I won't be punished for it anyway. so seize the moment. especially when it's free ALSO it doesn't fit in a post, but I want to say it!

[ace-hell]

Ok so i started castlevania a few days ago and here are my thoughts so far:

-gruesome, more than i expected, but its fine

- gosh i love trevor

-i absolutely LOVE trevor, sypha and alucards friendship. Priceless, there's bickering but not in a childish way its nice to see it

-alucard is a bebi

-hector is super autistic coded and he a bebi too i liek him

-it was understandable from the moment carmilla came in that she'd betray Dracula and all but SHE HIT HECTOR! AND THE WAY SHE TREATS HIM? that bitch

-draculas last moments understanding he is trying to kill his son and accepting his death was touching. I think he wanted to hug alucard one last time before trevor cut off his head

-it still fucks my brain how brainwashed and stupid people can be over an ideology and belief and when you understand its an ADULT? idk it still shocks me that the church actually treated people like that. Horrible

-i know i won't get it but im still having hopes in everything i see for even a small jewish representation

-hector gonna die isn't he right?

-can't get over the fact that deaculas last name is tepes(tepesh) which sounds like tipesh in hebrew and it means stupid. Lmfao for me his name is "vlad dracula stupid"

-sypha is a super cool character, stronk magician smart woman

- kinda wanted to see more of godbrand but eh i don't feel like i missed something

-ALUCADS LIL DOLLS OF TREVOR AND SYPHA!!! HOW HE MIMICS THEM!!! absolute bebi

-plz save hector #justiceforhector (i know he helped the genocide of humanity but how can you stay mad at him huh?)

That's it for now, started S3 let's see how it gets even more fucked up

Update:

-GOSH i fucking LOVE trevor hehe

-alucard is still a bebi yes yes

- SUMI AND TAKA???? SO ??? BEAUTIFUL???? I-wow

-why everyone whispering

-have confused feelings about lenore, she is a very cool, pretty and interesting character but i feel like she'll kill my baby hector

-btw hector is a sub confirmed

-hectors nudity was NOT something i was prepared for, much less than the gore

-istg isaac and that captain were flirting at one point

-the head of the priory is so fucking creepy like yes dude we get it, we see them, put them away. Where did he get all those eyes from. And disgusting as hell.

-"what the fÜCK is a toilet paper" had me dead, my favorite line yet.

- me at the beginning of S3ep9: "wow half of the main characters fight for their lives while the other half are fucking". Me at the end of S3ep9: "oh. Oh, well nevermind. I knew it will come to this"

- i just KNEW lenore will betray hector ay ay ay. For alucard less, but not mid fucking oy vey

Update 0.2:

-im still so mad about the whole ordealwith sumi and taka

-hector?? I have so many things to say and questions to ask. You go girl, ily.

-alucard is STILL a bebi.

- can't imagine his pain by seeing how someone takes rhe soul of your parents and just tortures tgem for their own needs, thinking they are doing something good. Horrible. Poor kid

-trevor????? TREVOR ???? trevor. T R E V O R ???????? TREVOR!!!!!! U CAN'T DIE NOO I LUV U PLZ DON'T DIE

-wow lenore's ending was... Disappointing i gotta say. She just didn't wanna sit in her castle all the time so she just went to the sun to burn.

-trevor is alive!!!! YIPPI !!!

-ain't no fucking way they revived dracula and lisa omg wth

-hector is alive!!! I was wrong about him!!! Good

[redxpaladin]

Danny Phantom Detective Conan AU Drabble

Words: 1185

Rating: G

Premise: Shrunk Danny moments trying to get Vlad to help him.

Notes: I’m not the best at writing but I couldn’t get this au out of my head

Danny cussed to himself as he had to be on his tippy toes to reach the doorbell to his own house. He began ringing it over and over again. As he scowled over how much he shrunk. Maybe he shouldn’t have ran from the police but what was he going to do? Tell them he was Danny Fenton?

No. They’d probably get Walker and he’d be like “Yeah sure. And I’m Santa clause. Go home.” Then what? Call his non existing parents? Speaking of parents, why weren’t they coming at the door?

It was then that Danny cussed to himself and punched the door. That’s right. His parents were in Paris. They couldn’t come to the door. Jazz was also at college. Just his luck. His attention then turned to his next door neighbor. Vlad was always weird, and wanted his mom badly. But damn it he can help him and that's all that matters.

Danny ran as he tried his best to keep himself covered with his large baggy clothes to Vlad’s house and began knocking and ringing the doorbell.

Clearly Vlad must have been in the middle of watching some sports match of his favorite team (Danny couldn’t remember the name. Mostly out of spite) “Danny I will-“ he seemed like he was about to hit him with a bat before looking down to see the small structure that Danny was now.

“Vlad, you need to help me.” Danny said. Vlad just looked at him slowly blinking. Probably processing why a 10 year old was at his door. “Vlad. It’s me! Danny!”

“Danny is 16 years old.” Vlad spoke flatly. “Go home.”

“No really it’s me!” Vlad was literally about to close the door before Danny stepped in and stopped it from being closed. “You’ve been in love of my mom for years but after a tragic accident my dad was able to get my mom from right under your nose and you still are hoping you’ll get a chance with her after all these years. You try to impress her by inventing gadgets and such and with your money. You also have a cat who has eaten your socks.”

Vlad’s jaw seemed to slowly drop as Danny kept talking. Before Danny gave him a nice smug luck. “Seeing as you are currently in pajamas you probably were watching the Green Packers match instead of sleeping. If you were sleeping you’d be a little less annoyed and more groggy.”

Vlad seemed to give the there's that annoying detective boy look before picking Danny up and looking at him. “What the hell did you get yourself into?”

“Listen I don’t know! I just followed some dudes into a hall and then I don’t know what happened! You invent stuff right? Fix me!” Danny yelled back. Vlad immediately dropped him probably for his rude demand. “Please?”

“This is the first I have seen of something that turns someone into a child. I don’t know if I can fix this.” Vlad paused. “I’d need to see the thing that caused this to happen.”

Danny groaned and dramatically fell on his back. “Urg. Walker would never believe me nor agree to have me get on cases to find who did this to me.”

“I wouldn’t either if I was him.” Vlad clearly just wanted Danny to leave at this point.

“Can you at least help me get into my own house?”

“You can’t do it yourself?”

“I lost my keys when I shrunk. Probably fell out of my pockets.”

Vlad walked off for a second before coming back with the spare house keys and handing them over to Danny. Before Danny gave him a smug look. “What? You’re not expecting a young boy like me to just open the door of my own house?”

Vlad internally seemed to kiss him watching his sports tonight peacefully goodbye.

With help Danny was able to get back at his own house and he immediately began rummaging through his moms office for information. Vlad, being sensible. Went upstairs to try and find clothes that would fit Danny.

Danny began looking around finding nothing as Vlad came in with clothes that Danny had from elementary school. “At least get changed for goodness sake.” Vlad just wanted to go home.

Groaning, Danny walked over and grabbed the clothes from Vlad and began changing behind his moms Desk (surprisingly he was small enough to hide behind it.) and shoved his old clothes under it. Before going back to searching around.

Vlad was ready to go home before they both froze at the door opening.

“Danny?” The familiar voice of Tucker rang out.

“Danny, it's not funny to skip school for murder cases.” Sam seconded. “Even if Walker pays you.”

Danny scrambles to hide under the desk and Vlad looked over at Danny puzzled.

“Vlad?” Tucker spoke out as Vlad looked back at both of Danny’s friends at the door.

“Have you seen Danny. Mr Lancer wants to give him an earful.” Sam waved the homework in the air.

“Oh well he didn’t tell you?” Vlad was always good at lying but not when he’s being put on the spot. Damn you Danny! “He… joined his parents in Paris. There was an important case.”

Sam and Tucker both gave the I am so tired of my ace detective friend look. “He could have at least texted us.”

Yeah, why didn’t he text them? Danny was probably too busy thinking about how to fix his situation.

“If Mr Lancer gets even mader at him, that's on him.” Sam shrugged.

“On the bright side maybe your dad will finally get more cases!” Tucker spoke out happily before getting a punch in the shoulder. “What? It’s true.”

They all flinched from hearing a thud.

Danny stupidly hit his head from trying to wear old reading glasses. He currently popped the lenses out before placing them on his face and yelped when he got lifted up. “Aw, who's this small child?” He heard the familiar voice of Tucker. Tucker turned Danny around to see the face of Danny. “What are you doing here little guy?”

Vlad and Danny internally panicked.

“You let a child into Danny’s house?” Sam questioned Vlad.

“No he’s uh. Danny’s… Cousin. His name is uh…” Vlad looked over to Danny. Danny looked over to the wall to see the cross stitching his dad did of a ghost.

“Phantom! My name's Phantom!” God that sounds so stupid.

“Man who names their child Phantom?” Tucker spoke out.

“Probably came from his dads side. Jack’s always in the paranormal movies.” Vlad spoke. Before he smiled and took Danny from Tucker’s arms. “Listen hey Sam you don’t mind looking after Phantom will you? I’m supposed to look after him but… I don’t want him to blow himself up.”

“What are you doing?!” Danny whispered.

“Sam’s dad is a detective. Probably hanging with her and her family will help you find out what happened to you.”

“He’s a crappy detective!!”

“Well you’ll just have to help him.”

Vlad just seemed pleased to annoy Danny with this decision. Danny clearly looked peeved.

[elvenbeard]

Pre-relationship- 6

Love- 10, 12, and 13

❤️❤️❤️I love you boy so much😭😭

asökdfjdsöafjddf 💜💜💜 thank you so much, I love your kids too!! They deserve only good and happy things!

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

V is not a very spiritual person, but he is actually not that opposed to the concept of soulmates. He considered Jackie his soulmate on a platonic level, because they instantly got along despite everything speaking against it at the time. Their friendship was the longest-lasting friendship V ever managed to maintain, and that with ease. Had someone told him, prior to meeting Kerry, that he was his soulmate, he probably would have laughed, because, what were the chances? But he wouldn't have brushed it off completely, 'cause, you never know...

Kerry, prior to meeting V, is at a point in his life where he struggles so much with forming or maintaining meaningful connections with others, he'd probably say it would need a soulmate to be able to bear him in his state. Simultaneously though he'd realize how absurd the mere thought is. The amount of times past lovers tried to convince him that they're soulmates, only to leave him in the end anyway, and usually not amicably, spoiled the mere concept for him. And a random low-life merc he's never heard of is supposed to be his perfect match? No chance.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Already answered here :D

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

They are very basic with their nicknames actually, usually sticking to "babe", a little further down the road occasionally "love". Kerry is a little bit more creative, sometimes teasingly affectionate calling V "kid" as well. He is also the first and for a long time the only one allowed to call V "Vince", instead of the full "Vincent". Since V picked his name for himself, he always insisted on being called exactly that... until Jackie came up with "V" and he started to call himself that, too, although only around people he didn't know or trusted. When Kerry eventually asked him about what "V" stands for, V made him guess. Kerry's first (not entirely serious) answer was "Vlad the Impaler", which has evolved into a running gag and nickname between them, too. When he correctly guessed "Vincent" Kerry asked if "Vince" would be okay, because Vincent "sounds so serious". V had no objections.

Who remembers the little things?

Overall V is a little less scatter-brained most of the time. He's good at remembering appointments, birthdays, just where certain items physically are in the house, all the organizational stuff really. He also takes note of what Kerry likes to eat and drink at restaurants or bars they go to. He instantly memorized how he liked his coffee the first time they were at Caliente's. He's good at being mindful of all these little quality-of-life things to surprise Kerry with now and then.

Kerry is a lot more disorganized, really can't wrap his head around how V manages to keep track of everything the way he does. But he for example still greatly enjoys listening to V's rants about work and annoying clients, often remembering details about specific stories that V might have actually forgotten already. He loves to be able to give V the feeling that he's being heard and listened to, because he knows himself how much is sucks when you're not.

[nikitalovesmelissa]

Modern Russian Tv rant part 2

Okay so here it is my second part of my rant on modern Tv these days in Russia because my original rant wasn't aged very well so i decided to do so more like i said there's nothing to watch on tv because of repetivity, idiotic monotonous shows that i cant even watch what makes my blood boil is Sergey Malozemovs shows like i cant watch this program less than 5 minutes because of his nasty voice that sounds like Walker Boone voice in mario cartoons i tired of watching same story that should be interesting in the first place i dont understand any useful information that happened in the Malozemovs shows and theres Uralskie Pelmeni like i said it went downhill after 2015 the jokes aren't funny anymore the humour felt flat and adding useless idiots that we don't need them in tv show Babye Veto is the only thing i watched in Modern Uralskie Pelmeni but the rest i have Uralskie Pelmeni sitting on my stomach all day and Igra V Kino you remember when i said about how i liked that show well i didnt know how much soda I've been drinking the plot scenarios repeats and recycles over and over again its about winning money when you guess which movie is my problem with show is Sergey Belocolovcev he sounds like Vlad a4 host than actual actor and it starting to get really irritating as heck rounds are the same it used to be good back then but then it got repetitive as the time goes on and a lot of politcs election in 2024 i dont even care about politics at all but theres one show that i liked which proves that im not nostalgia-tard the show is Pognali i liked this show because its all about traveling on each country (say hello to Orel i Reshka) my favourite is Japan because we get to know about the beautiful country of Rising sun and theres anime stuff on that episode which is cool i liked Stas as well because unlike any other people in television at least he speaks very normally so anyways russian Tv needs variety but not tonn of garbage that aires every day

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Shattered Identity

Chapter five: Pizza party at Vlad's! And gross horrors, lots of gross horrors.

Chapter one. Chapter two. Chapter three. Chapter four.

"Jeez, you two almost gave us a heart attack!" Tucker halfheartedly scolded the half-ghosts in the hallway as he texted Danny the message that the two broke off their fight on their own. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad things didn't get uglier than this, but next time, at the very least, yell for us if something happens instead of just turning the office into a haunted confetti storage room."

"Sorry Tucker, I didn't know you and Sam were here in the first place."

Danielle sheepishly twiddled her thumbs while her new little brother tapped on the bandages on his neck with an annoyed huff in response.

"Oh.. right, no vocal chords, my bad..." The geek winced. "Maybe we can get you an airhorn later."

"Or he could just scream without words." The technically older clone offered. "You two heard the ghost speak, right?"

"Huh, I always figured that ghost speak would sound... creepier and less like random animalistic noises?"

"♓︎♐︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⬥︎♋︎■︎⧫︎ ♓︎⧫︎ ⧫︎□︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎■︎♎︎ ♍︎❒︎♏︎♏︎◻︎♓︎♏︎❒︎," [if you want it to sound creepier,] Jack cracked his neck at an unnatural angle, the sickening sound followed by the squelches of wet ripping noises reverberated through the mansion and the action left the bandaged head dangling limply, giving the impression it was only attached to his body through the bandages on his neck themselves... "♓︎ ♍︎♋︎■︎ ❍︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ♓︎⧫︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎■︎♎︎ ♍︎❒︎♏︎♏︎◻︎♓︎♏︎❒︎..." [i can make it sound creepier...]

"Gah! Never do that again!" She shivered and punched the older halfa's arm, who let out a raspy chuckle as he reattached his head and opened the office door.

An uncomfortable silence fell as the destroyed state of the office was discovered, much worse than how the sparring spirits left it, large globs of bright magenta ectoplasm had grown(?) all over the office, globs that weren't just the messy aftermath of the brawl, they were writhing and squirming as if they were alive, some of them even had developing eyes and teeth..

"❄︎◆︎♍︎🙵♏︎❒︎, 💧︎♋︎❍︎, 🙵♏︎♏︎◻︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎❒︎ ♎︎♓︎⬧︎⧫︎♋︎■︎♍︎♏︎..!" [Tucker, Sam, keep your distance..!]

The two humans, while they didn't understand what the ghostly host said, understood the unknown nature of the threat at hand as well as his body language and backed away from the scene while the mansion's owner took a slow, hesitant step into the infested office, trying not to catch the attention of the strange creatures, their unfocused eyes instead drifting over the room itself as the bandaged ghost gingerly searched through the rubble looking for the most important items to salvage from it.

"...What are these things..?" Danielle's voice stayed small to not catch any unwanted attention from the unknown ghostlike entities as she followed him, her fist alight with a charging ectobeam as she kept an eye out for sudden movements from them.

"I_D-O-N-T_K-N-O-W" He spelled out on the recovered Ouija board "I-V-E_N-E-V-E-R_S-E-E-N_A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G_L-I-K-E_T-H-I-S_B-E-F-O-R-E"

Sure, from their perspective, 'Jack' not seeing anything like this was a given, he hadn't existed for very long, but Vlad had genuinely no idea how he had done this. A failed copying attempt that he didn't think through during the fight? Maybe a mishap with etco-barriers? ...Something else entirely..? All he really knew was that this was his ectoplasm everywhere and that it was alive.

Cheese curds! He should've known that he was biting off more than he can chew!

How was he supposed to handle this on his own?!

His powers were useless like this at best and detrimentally unstable at worst,

he couldn't get across how important this was to Danny without telling the truth,

but he can't tell Danny the truth!

Let alone Dani!

If they know that he's the real Vlad and he has all his memories but almost none of his powers,

they're going to take advantage of his weakened state and kick his butt!

and

at this rate all of Amity park is going to be enveloped in whatever this horrific ecto-gunk was before he even had a chance to carry out his plan-

and

Maddie is going to see it-

and

use it as a reason to make MORE of those horrible guns-

and

use them on the gunk as well as every single ghost in her sights-

and

she'd naturally set her sights on the ghost zone itself-

and

there wouldn't be a war between humans and ghosts,

and

except that it would be a genocide that he couldn't stop-

and

and

and

and

and-

Snapping out of the downward spiral of negative thoughts, Vlad felt the familiar lab coat being draped over his shoulders as well as two people touching him, one hugging him from behind (the person in question being small enough that people might mistake it for a piggyback ride), and the other who was awkwardly patting his shoulder.

Ugh, was he crying..?

Well, now he had another reason to keep his true identity secret from Danny and the others.

He would die of embarrassment if they knew that he wasn't a clone, still had his memories intact, and yet was still reduced to this weak, pathetic, over-emotional wreck, either they'd find it hilarious or worse, still pity him despite everything.

Part of him wanted to break off the hug to preserve the tatters of his pride and dignity while another part of him just wanted to stay like this a bit longer.

As humiliating as it was for him, it was also kinda nice to be held, to be reassured (albeit clumsily), to be comforted, to be loved.

"Uh, guys, hate to interrupt something but I just wanted to let you know Sam's ordering pizza, what flavors do you want?"

Both saved and damned by the pizza orders, the three halfas broke it off and Vlad put the lab coat on properly.

"Uh Pepperoni?" Danny shrugged.

"Also Pepperoni" Dani nodded.

"E-X-T-R-A_C-H-E-E-S-E_P-L-E-A-S-E"

"Got it" Tucker gave them a thumb's up and turned to head back to Sam before popping his head back in. "Will the cats try to attack the pizza guy?"

"NO_I" He fumbled with the planchette in an attempt to cover up the slip. "V-L-A-D_D-I-D-N-T_O-R-D-E-R_T-A-K-E_O-U-T_O-F-T-E-N_E-N-O-U-G-H_T-O_W-A-R-R-E-N-T_T-H-A-T_T-O_M-Y_K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E."

"Okay, thanks!"

The tech geek left for real this time, leaving the three to their own devices.

"So Danny, have you met my new little brother?" The physically youngest ghost gestured to the tallest.

"Jack? Yeah, he showed up at my house and named himself after my dad."

"You named yourself after someone you just met?" Dani snorted in amusement.

"T-H-E-R-E-S_W-O-R-S-E_N-A-M-E-S_T-O_G-I-V-E_Y-O-U-R-S-E-L-F_A-N-D_B-E-S-I-D-E-S_H-E_S-E-E-M-E-D_P-R-E-T-T-Y_N-I-C-E" Vlad shrugged nonchalantly.

From the dishonest ghost's actual perspective, it was something done because he named himself after the first thing he saw (that being the giant oaf) and he stuck with it because in foresight, 'Vlad naming his son after him', would break Jack Fenton that much more during both the reveal of Vlad's death as well as the funeral, in which he and Maddie would either figure out on their own or he'd tell them in his speech that he never had the chance to meet his father before his untimely tragic fate. And Maddie would feel all the more guiltier when she finds out that her horrible gun has taken a human life, one that, while she didn't care very much for, was important as well as cherished by many...

"So how did you know how to find Danny's house so quickly? Or did he bring you there?"

"H-E_F-O-U-N-D_M-E_I-N-J-U-R-E-D_A-N-D_T-R-I-E-D_T-O_H-E-L-P" The bandaged spook explained, being honest yet vague. "A-N-D_I_C-A-M-E_B-A-C-K_I-N_T-H-E_M-O-R-N-I-N-G_T-O_P-R-O-P-E-R-L-Y_I-N-T-R-O-D-U-C-E_M-Y-S-E-L-F."

"Well that's my super-cool cousin for you!" she playfully punches her gene-donor's shoulder. "Always willing to help!"

"Heh, yeah..." Danny gave a nervous smile to his clone and a concerned to 'Jack'. "Hey, speaking of which, you and I need to talk about your... 'issue' in private."

"G-I-V-E_M-E_A_S-E-C-O-N-D_T-O_G-R-A-B_M-Y_T-R-A-N-S-L-A-T-O-R"

Danny nodded and waited as the lanky spirit visually followed the charger to the discarded aid and cleaned the non-living ectoplasm off of it before putting it on his neck and giving him a thumb's up which Danny gave back.

Following the fourteen-year-old out of Dani's presumed ear shot, the lab coat wearing specter nervously picked at his hand's bandages wondering what 'issue' Danny was talking about, his mind almost imminently racing towards him asking 'did you get your memories back?' or something similar.

"Okay, so, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you and Dani aren't fighting with each other anymore, but right now, we're playing with fire with this cover up. You might not remember, but she's been through a lot because of you- er, Vlad, I could not care less who else does and doesn't know the truth, but she needs to sooner rather than later."

Unbeknownst to the two of them, the clone was eavesdropping out of their sight. Her concern for her new little brother turning into intrigue.

"I know." he nodded somberly. "I plan on telling her everything after the funeral itself. I agree that she does need to know soon, but right now there's too many moving parts to keep track of and I don't know how she'll react to it."

Danny crossed his arms as he frowned at the taller halfa.

"Look, I might not know what I've done, but I get that I've done a lot before waking up and that there's no amount of verbal apologies that would undo all of it. However, this is for her safety too. Like it or not there's two problems that take top priority: Your mom's gun that will cause ghost zone genocide if nothing's done with it, and the power vacuum Vlad's death will inevitably cause. If you think that it causing genocide is just a hyperbole, think back on it, all it took was one hit to reduce a fully-grown, powerful halfa down to just a damaged core desperately clinging onto life, a core that would've shattered if left on its own, so tell me, what do you think would happen if you or her got hit with it?"

"...We'd instantly die..."

"Exactly, and your mom, a competent ghost hunter, knows how powerful that thing is and if it doesn't have any drawbacks from her end, she most likely wont stop using it until every ghost in her sights is dead, yes, even the good ones as well as the not as good but still likeable ones. As for the power vacuum, there are a handful of ghosts who know Dani's origin other than us, ghosts who would be more than happy to kill the only known heir to Vlad's estates while she's none the wiser. But if I handle the funeral *just* right, I could kill two birds with one stone, keep your mom from using the gun ever again and seal up the power vacuum. I know that she'll hate us-"

"Us? Where did you pull 'us' from?"

"Danny, she'll hate me for obvious reasons and hate you because you knew this big secret about me this entire time and never told her. But it'll be okay because she'll still be alive when she hates us, alive and safe. Which in a messy situation like this is the absolute best possible outcome."

"...Right..." Danny sighed.

"Hey," Vlad put his hand on the teen's shoulder reassuringly "she might hate me forever, but not you. Either someone she knows and trusts other than you will talk some sense into her or she'll cool off on her own and realize that you're not the bad guy in this. That in some cases, there isn't a bad guy when there's a bad situation and that sometimes, bad things just... happen and good or neutral guys are bad at handling it."

"Yeah... Thanks, I needed that..." he softly smiled.

Assuming that the conversation was wrapping up, Dani flew back to the office with new secret information to chew on for herself as well as keep hidden from her cousin and brother.

She already knew about Vlad's death and some things were self-explanatory, like the new gun being a big problem, but just how much did Jack Masters know? What dark secrets did the clone of Vlad hide that he shared with Danny and yet were so horrible that she'd never forgive him if she knew?

Was his original purpose not to tie up the loose ends Vlad's death left behind like he said but instead he was made with some of his gene donor's memories intact so that Vlad had pseudo-immortality only for Jack to betray his 'father' by living a different and new life?

Did he try to hunt down Danny and his parents just like how she originally tried to capture him?

Maybe even something worse..?

At the very least, they weren't worried about his malnourished frame meaning something bigger than it was, or Vlad's disease being fatal for Jack, or even the living ectoplasm he created was dangerous like she originally assumed the talk was about, and she could find some comfort in knowing that he valued her safety and well being over their bond as family. Her new brother might be shady, but he had a heart somewhere in those shadows.

"Oh hey guys! How was the talk?" She innocently greeted them as they approached the office.

"It went well."

"Yes, it was rather... informative." Jack picked at the bandages on his forearms while looking around the destroyed office for a distraction. Wait, where did the living ectoplasm go?! "Oh right! I can't believe I almost forgot the records!" He blurted out to keep the two from panicking as much as he was.

"...Records?" Danny raised an eyebrow at the pair.

"Yeah, fake marriage certificates, divorce paperwork, birth certificates, Social Security Numbers, school documents, passports, a not-fake-but-still-legally-questionable death certificate, maybe a fake death certificate for a woman who doesn't exist or two..." Jack listed off on his fingers "My job's more than writing the death certificate and will and calling it a day."

"Woah, woah woah! What do you need all that for?"

"Daniel, the days where someone can just pop into existence as the ages we are without any records of existing prior without drawing suspicion are long behind us. Sure, we could get away with not having them if we intend to live as a state-crossing nomads for a couple of weeks or months if we're lucky, go feral in the woods and let the public come to the conclusion that we were raised by animals while our bio parents abandoned us, or live in the ghost zone where there's a lot less organized existence trails, but we can't live like the average human person without this stuff, not in the long term in the human world. Sooner or later, the government is going to catch up to us and when that happens, we at least have something to shoo them away."

"Huh..."

"Wait, going feral in the woods is an option?" Dani asked her two-day-old physically older brother.

"Yeah, but it's not a good one. Trust me, I tried." Vlad waved off without further elaboration and shuffled the documents.

"Guys, pizza's here!"

Saved by the pizza yet again, the three changed back to their human forms and followed the geek back to the Mansion's foyer, where Sam was waiting for them along with several boxes of pizza and cans of soda were set down, almost enough to feed a frat party rather than a small group of teenagers who happened to have different diets. ...He had a strong feeling that they paid for all of this with one of his debit cards.

"Here you go." Tucker handed the bone-thin halfa five boxes. "I figured you could use it."

"Thanks..." Vlad stared at the boxes in his hands and gestured with his head. "...I'm just gonna, eat these in the other room..."

"No! No! You can stay, we won't judge!" Dani tugged on his sweater sleeve while giving him puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, but all of you get ONE question each, so use it wisely." He set the boxes down and sat on the floor next to them, crossing his legs while opening the top box

"What makes you think we're going to ask questions?" The goth raised an eyebrow "Everybody but Danny already saw your gross ecto-oozing fa-OH MY GOD!"

Everybody but Dani stared at the sight of Vlad's scarred, almost mangled-looking face in horror as the eldest teen just rolled his eyes at their terrified expressions, pocketed his face mask and munched on a slice of cheesy pizza while the others gawked at him like he was some sort of monster.

"...Does it hurt?" Dani was the first to break the awkward silence. "To eat, I mean..."

"Nope, I don't have any working nerves in my face." He lied nonchalantly between bites, not wanting them to know how much pain he was actually in. "Regardless of if its supposed to hurt or not, I can't feel a thing."

"..So if I punch you in the face, you wont feel it at all?" Sam was the next to ask.

"Yes, and you wasted your one question on that, so now you can't ask if you can test it." Vlad immaturely stuck his tongue out at her while she rolled her eyes out of annoyance and took a slice of her cheeseless mixed veggie pizza.

Tucker sat down near Jack and subtly studied his face while opening up the box of meat lover's pizza, if he was only going to get one question about this clone of Vlad's abnormal medical condition, he wanted to make it count.

From what he could tell, the marks on his face were less like acne scars like he assumed they should be (given that the clone probably had ecto-acne at one point, just like his gene donor with a chronic condition) and closer to... either really severe chemical burns or someone pouring boiling acid on his face. Closer, yet not identical to.

He couldn't tell how damaged the upper half of his face was due him having band-aids covering up some of the damage, but even then it was clear that the disfigurements around the clone's mouth were the most intense.

Whatever was used to scar his face ate off his lips and chunks of his cheeks, giving his left-side profile a ghoulish, too-toothy grin regardless of if its owner felt like smiling or not while the right side had a half-inch wide strip of flesh ending the 'smile' while also creating another hole in his face, and if he looked closely enough, he also seemed to be missing a part of his tongue in a way that made it look like there was a bite taken out of it...

"...Can I help you?" Jack asked without bothering to hide the irritation in his tone.

"O-oh uh... I just wanted to ask..." Darn it Tucker, think! You can't waste this question! "I couldn't help but notice that the lower half of your face seems more visibly damaged than the upper half, and that part of the inside of your mouth was partly eaten too, I don't mean to sound insulting but was that just random chance or was your... ...illness on the top half of your head focusing primarily on eating chunks of your brain instead of your face? Again, I don't mean this in an insulting way..."

Sam burst out laughing while Jack's expression went from annoyed to mildly intrigued, he opened his mouth to answer, paused, thought it over, and his mild intrigue turned to dawning horror...

"I... I might have to get back with you on that because I don't know either." Jack cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his nervous voice crack. "Oh Calzones, if he's right and I really am physically losing my mind... Oh Bread Sticks..." He muttered under his breath while holding his head between his hands. "...It explains so much, too much..."

Danny lightly tapped the older teen's shoulder. "Have you ever tried to eat by sticking food through the hole in your cheek?"

Vlad let go of his head and stared at him blankly, seemingly gone through the five stages of grief in five seconds and left so perplexed by Danny's question that it seemed his mind was catching up with the second halfa's words.

But you know what? He hadn't tried before, before, his time was too swamped with hospital trips and robberies to afford the hospital trips to mess around with the odd yet neutral characteristics of his condition. He should fix that while he could, for science.

His index finger idly traced part of the hole to make sure it wasn't bleeding while his other hand picked up and rolled up a slice of pizza, and he stuck the entire slice through the hole, chewed it for a bit and swallowed it.

"I have now, and the experience isn't different enough from eating normally to warrant switching to the hole."

Danny blinked at him, processing what he had just witnessed. "...Okay, I know you said one question but now I have to know; do you have two sets of jaws?!"

"I'll... Also have to look into that." He nervously smiled while screaming internally.

[thedragonscribe]

A: Bonebreaker, that guitar has me weak

B: Not really anything I can think of except maybe more stuff to do in the safehouse

C: Honestly Locke, though Vlad is close second

D: I've mained nothing but Sydney for the past few years and even tried to make her gun good so hers, though if I owned anything new it'd probably be one of those heists

E: Any. Stealth in any mission feels so good when you get it right

F: That being said, Saint Martin bank is still on my shitlist for that time I lost because I failed to answer a pager. Of the guard on the roof that my friend intimidated. From the second floor. We didn't even know that guards could be up there

G: Sydney's pager lines used to give me a "pardon?" almost every time before I got used to them, though I don't remember anything specifically. Maybe that time she claimed her pet rat was mauling a coworker

H: Honestly trying to think of one since I've mostly been doing crime sprees. I think it's less about the heists for me and more what I can pull off in each map

I: Favors are a map-by-map case, though I normally always use a few unless I've had to restart a few times and just want to speed through set up

J: Jimmy (affectionately). There's nothing negatively dumb about it, though I still find it funny that the whole thing runs on the engine of a driving game

K: Idc how many times I get told to build turrets last, I like being able to walk into a room that's supposed to be swarmed but isn't

L: Wolf, anything Wolf does. Especially the secret ending. Him and Hox are just

M: I almost always use Le Castle Vania, one pattern for stealth, one for loud, but Leshy from the Winter Ghosts dlc is a close second. The whole reason I bought the pack, even

N: I don't feel like I'm in touch enough with the community to really answer this other than to say I have no idea why people find Sydney annoying

O: Tbh, not much of a risky player, though there was one time I basically walked through a guard and didn't even go into the red

P: I just hope it doesn't go the way other large games have been going lately.

Q: Repeating a mission for a few hours is fine if I have someone with me, but if I'm playing alone and keep having to restart, more so if it's a loud mission, I get overwhelmed and have to tap

R: I consume very little other media so it's hard to say

S: Leech even though I don't fully know how to use it and don't really play with anyone anymore

T: The whole story is a bunch of surprises, though I'll never forget the time I played Henry's Rock out of context and saw the room behind the glass for the first time

U: We need to lock him in a room with Locke more often, the only redeemable part of San Martin Bank

V: If I'm reading this right, Dentist. It's just something about his voice

W: Overkill for loud because I play alone, though I've been slowly trying to bump it up. Death Sentence for stealth because I don't see why not

X: I think it being incurable, while it sucks, would curb an issue that a lot of media has in that any big emotional or character loss is usually reverse by the end. I don't mean in a "oh we found someone else and bonded" way, I mean in a "oh turns out it wasn't that serious" way which just makes the stakes feel empty.

Y: I try to when I can. I need all the shinies

Z: I'm not sure. I can definitely feel something whenever I boot it up, but it's not completely the gameplay. I want to say it's the aesthetic or the premise. The game, masks aside, is darker, dirtier, and has a grit that other games I've played either don't have or don't keep. On top of that, just the idea of a group of social outcasts coming together in something just shy of a found family and just doing whatever the hell they want in every sense of the word tickles my brain in a way no other game has. In a weird way, if I'm not completely fed up with missions going wrong, it just makes me feel safe when I play, not because of the guns but because of the characters, as sad as that might sound.

The ABCs of Payday - Q&A edition

You can either answer all of these yourself & tag people to also complete it, or you can RB and your followers can pick a letter and you answer. Or you can just do nothing that's cool too ig.

A is for ALESSO: favourite track?

B is for BALDWIN'S LAMENT: any regrets or things you wish were different about the game/story?

C is for CONTRACTORS: favourite contractor and why?

D is for DLC: favourite DLC you own?

E is for ECMS: favourite stealth/stealth-only heist?

F is for FUUUUUUU: most-hated heist?

G is for GENSEC: favourite pager line?

H is for HEIST: all-time favourite heist?

I is for ILIJA: are you a favours lover or do you prefer the challenge of going in without favours?

J is for JOKERS: dumbest thing/moment about the series?

K is for KILLKILLKILL: favourite/best way to kill cops?

L is for LIVE-ACTION: favourite live-action/web series moment?

M is for MASKS: favourite mask/s?

N is for NO MERCY: hot take/unpopular opinion about the games?

O is for OVERKILL: best/coolest thing you've ever done in-game?

P is for PAYDAY 3: hopes for Payday 3?

Q is for QUIT: what makes you rage/quit?

R is for RESERVOIR DOGS: cross-overs you'd like to see in Payday 3?

S is for STOIC: favourite/most-used perk deck?

T is for TASER: most surprising moment/thing that happened in-game?

U is for UKRAINIAN: favourite Vlad moment?

V is for VILLAIN: favourite baddie and why?

W is for WE CALL THIS A DIFFICULTY TWEAK: preferred/most-played difficulty?

X is for XENODIAGNOSIS: would you want Bain's disease to be curable and why/not?

Y is for YULE: do you typically play seasonal updates and why/why not?

Z is for ZEAL: what makes you excited about Payday and keeps you coming back to play again and again?

[datawyrms]

hey so do you think you could write stuff about danny and dani being cousins and maybe him visiting the ghost zone to go see her and nocturn cuz the one that mentioned that was super cool

You bet! Sorry I took awhile, I’ve been juggling things and flicking between ideas and not finishing anything :v It’s short and doesn’t go very far but hey just something to maybe expand on later, yeah? (oh look i slapped it on AO3!)

”I have no idea how you stay over here so long.” Danny shuddered, trying to ignore how green everything was. The sky should be blue, not some endless green expanse.

“Stealing to eat is a pain cuz. I don’t get why you’re always over there!” Dani rolled her eyes as she glanced at her trailing friend. “I know you like flying as much as I do and you spend most of the time pretending you can’t.”

“It’s not that hard to fly if I want to,” his shrug was dismissive, but he couldn’t keep the frown from his face. “I just don't get why you don’t just hang around the Far Frozen if you like being in the Ghost Zone.” Well, it was more ‘why can’t you hang around ghosts that HAVEN’T tried taking over the world’, but the last time he’d phrased it like that, Dani had kicked him.

“Not all of us have ice powers!”

“Uh. You totally do. Or should eventually, I guess.”

She seemed to appreciate he didn’t bother voicing the obvious, slowing down so they didn’t need to keep hollering at one another. “Nope. Frostbite didn’t seem to think so when I asked.”

“Really? Huh. Your ghost sense is like mine though isn’t it?”

“Don’t ask me, I’m just listening to big, smart and fuzzy. Just means I can get something way better than ectoblasts but Blue.”

Well when she made it that easy… “Nothing cooler though!” Ducking the hurled ectoblast was easy enough, she’d aimed a bit high.

“Looks like my power is shooting people who make bad jokes.”

“So saying to chill out would-” he broke off laughing as she tackled him at full speed, sending the two half ghosts in a barely controlled spiral. 

Still, the clone had joined in the laughing by the time the two managed to steady themselves again. “You’re awful.”

“I get too much practice.”

“No kidding. You’ve sent how many ghosts back here this week? Eight?”

“Try twenty and you’ll be getting close,” his amusement faded. He really, really should be getting back. Yet he’d promised to at least try visiting sometimes, so he had to at least get to the place. Even if every bit of him was wanting to get back to Amity already now that he was thinking about it.

“Whoops. Sorry cuz, forgot you’re reallll territorial sometimes.” Dani elbowed him, forcing Danny out of his own thoughts.

“I am not!” His denial was a bit more forceful than he’d like to admit. “You just reminded me how many ghosts might hold a grudge this week.”

“Uhhuh. Since you know we’ve been attacked so often today.” the smaller ghost paused as if she needed a moment to count. “ All zero times! The horror.”

“Real funny. Don’t you feel weird over here?” he caught her eyes, a little confused to see a complete lack of understanding. “You know...that feeling? That we don’t belong over here? That little pulsing at the back of your head?”

Her blank stare answered that well enough. “Noooope. I don’t know if that’s a ‘you’re a territorial nutcase’ or a ‘you’re a corpse stuffed with ectoplasm’ thing.”

“One, no I’m not, and two EW? Gross!” he gagged, fighting off the urge to shudder. “Someone call you that as an insult or something?”

“Mhm, Kitty was trying to explain why humans are kinda weird.” she gave a little shrug. “So we’re even weirder. Though I totally melted so I’m probably not lugging a corpse around all the time, but you might be!”

“Yup, that’s it, you spend wayyyy too much time around ghosts.” He had not expected to get a new nightmare from Dani nowadays, she’d given him plenty already. Yet life was apparently full of surprises. 

“Or you don’t spend enough time around em.”

“No, pretty sure you crossed from morbid to just disgusting there.”

“Hey, if you really want to creep someone out just crack your knuckles at em. Get a shudder out of any ghost that can’t get over to the human world, guaranteed” 

“I’m not really big into the scaring people thing.” The fact Dani was still made part of him twinge in discomfort. She was her own person, obviously. It should be a good thing that they were different in more ways as time passed...

“Pft. You’re such a human cuz” she gave him a nudge before shooting forward “Almost there! Don’t shoot at a sleepwalker if it surprises you!”

“I won’t,” he muttered, already more alert for any movement.

He didn’t really expect Nocturn’s lair to seem so inviting. He’d been expecting the dull wasteland that he’d seen back when they’d fought, dark skies, ominous towers, that sort of thing. A hazy sort of garden lit by gently swilling lights had not gotten on his list of possibilities. Even the clouds seemed to be dotted with stars now that he was close enough to see them. The tower nearby didn’t seem dangerous with the surroundings feeling so peaceful. Though that was probably a trap, all of Nocturn’s power was tied up in sleep. Getting an enemy fired up and wide awake would just make him have a harder time, wouldn’t it?

“Hmmm. I thought he’d be outside.” Dani crossed her arms, glancing at some of the nearby trees.

“I’m mostly here to see you anyway.”

“Which is why you need to see him! Otherwise you’re just gonna keep grumping about how I’m being corrupted or something.”

He’d like to deny that, but the lie would be pretty obvious. “He has better taste in lairs than takeover plans, at least.”

“There’s a place inside that has a way to see the real stars! The ones out here are nice too though.” Dani brightened at his admission, a little more animated as she pointed out the scattered ‘stardust’ clouds.

“Is that why you stay around here then?”

“That, and no nightmares. Noc can just cut them off before they start if I’m nearby.” she paused, kicking her feet. “It’s really, really nice not having to remember him every time I go to sleep.”

Well, Nocturn couldn’t be all bad if he’d help his poor clone with that. He’d be pretty tempted by a ‘no more nightmare reminders’ offer. “I bet.”

“You still think he’s up to something, don’t you.” her frown burrowed into him so he had to glance away.

“I can’t help it! We didn’t really meet on good terms.” Maybe he was being unfair, but the uncomfortable feeling he always had in the ghost zone combined with that bad history was making him jumpy.

“Do you think I’d lead you into a trap?”

“What? No!”

“Well I’m the one who invited you!”

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t plan something behind your back.”

Dani let out a frustrated groan. “He won’t! You don’t mess with family cuz.”

Danny’s retort died in his throat as Nocturn seemed to melt into visibility behind the smaller half ghost, struggling with the impulse to shove Dani out of the way to protect her.

“Sorry Dani, I was distracted by a particularly interesting set of dreams, I’ll have to show you. I think you’d enjoy them.” Nocturn seemed to have no such difficulties, speaking easily and giving her a warm smile. “Did you fly far?”

“You bet!” she nodded before glancing back. “Brought someone back while I was at it.”

Danny’s pulse quickened when the lanky ghost finally took notice of him. Had he really just...not noticed he was right there?

“Ah, your wayward cousin.” the dream ghost gave a small nod. “I expect you had an uneventful trip then?”

“Yeah, sorry if you were expecting any gossip.”

“A safe trip is the best news you could deliver regardless.” he messed with her hair, earning a hug before she pulled away.

“Nuh uh, you’re a total snoop Noc.”

Maybe he’d been a bit of a jerk for expecting something worse. They just seemed...happy. Really he just felt like he was intruding at the moment.

“Only while people sleep.” there was a hint of a laugh, but when his red eyes caught Danny again it died out. “Is there an occasion for the visit?”

Dani rolled her eyes, glancing back at Danny and his stiff posture. “Trying to get someone to relax already. Sheesh cuz, your brick wall impression is great.”

“Sorry,” he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. The first impulse that he had to protect his clone had passed with the two ghosts interacting in a friendly matter, but he couldn’t quite dismiss Nocturn as a potential threat.

“Don’t be. I am aware our previous meeting made an unfavourable impression.” No apology for the attack was in those words. That, and Dani had made it pretty clear he wouldn’t be getting one either. How did ghosts just think that putting  people at risk was no big deal?

“That’s an understatement.” Dani’s scowl at his words only earned her one of his own back. “I had to use Dash as a weapon of mass destruction. It wasn’t a good day, okay?”

“Yeah, but we’re not even close to Amity and you’re still being tetchy.”

“Don’t be so hard on your cousin, Dani. He wouldn’t have made it this long without that kind of caution.”

He hadn’t really expected Nocturn to come to his defense. Great, now he felt like even more of a jerk for still wanting to punch the ghost in the face. “Uhh. Thanks?”

“I guess. Should we hold off on exploring more till another time then?” She was looking at both of them now. 

“...Yeah. I should be getting back.” Admitting it made the guilt worse, but the itching need to be away and back to his home made the idea of staying any longer sound like torture. Even if there’d be an accurate set of stars to look at.

“You are welcome at any time, though Dani does tend to roam. Safe travels.” There was no judgement from the older ghost, only a sort of understanding look.

This ghost of all people knowing how he felt better than himself was disquieting. He settled for a stiff nod before turning to take flight at his top speed. The sooner all that was behind him the better. Questioning how his feelings towards the whole situation might be more his ghost half than human half talking just wasn’t something he wanted to be thinking about right now. Later maybe, when he wasn’t this on edge.

[ishouldgetatumbler]

Danny was discovering that Thymisciran molten Coacoa is wonderful.

He'd watched Alfred gingerly pluck a pitch black bean from a fermenting jar, and Danny offered his mug of warm milk when gestured to. Pressing one finger to keep the bean steady on a large spoon, Alfred tapped the spoon on both edges of the inside of the mug, shattering the brittle shell. The smell of cinnamon and dark chocolate hit them like a wave, and Danny watched in fascination as the contents of the spoon bubbled and frothed.

"The raw bean burns in contact with the air." Bruce provided, "they say it's a curse, but the natives discovered long ago that fermenting them in spices and sugars makes a wonderful drink."

Danny drank once the contents of the spoon had boiled over into the mug, and Alfred had begun to repeat this process for two more cups. It was nice; spicy and sweet, the faint taste of nutmeg and brown sugar.

“So.” Bruce began, and the world felt a little more real, and little less wonderful. He was holding his own mug a few feet above the table. Alfred was slowly removing another bean from the jar. Danny set his cup down, and stuffed and hand in his jeans poket.

Fenton thermos; no, Lighter; no, Sam’s  knife; should return that, Cellphone; no.

He switched pockets, and immediately his fingers felt shame. Vlad’s letter was completely crumpled, he’d forgotten to keep it safe while fighting Ghost King. He withdrew the letter, the weirdo’s wax seal indented with a slightly melted V. He offered the letter to Bruce.

“Vlad is my guardian right now.”

Bruce’s other hand still holding the mug, now party to steaming brown sweetness. He set the letter down next to him, and then took a light sip from the contents of the mug.

“Right now?” he asked finally.

Danny tensed. Part of him thought Bruce wasn’t even paying attention. Something was off about him, but he’d been cornered by his own words. He licked his lips and spoke.

“There was an accident at my parent’s place. Vlad sued for custody, and because he’s rich and could afford good lawyers, he argued he would have enough money to take care of all of us.” and because my stupid dad was his own lawyer he didn’t say.

“All of us?”

“Dani, my younger sister, and Jazz, my older sister.”

Bruce became very still, and spoke very slowly.

"Where are they now?"

"With Vlad, at his house in Amityville."

Danny was sweating, cold and thin on his back and face. It sounded bad laid out. Very, very bad, but only if you knew Vlad. It was hard to tell how much Bruce knew.

"Why are you here Danial?" Bruce asked.

It was now that Danny noticed Alfred was no longer present. Bruce's voice and posture were changed; his back was ramrod straight, and his voice carried across the room like the a general sweeping past his troops.

Where could he start without outing his secret identity? What could he explain so that Bruce Wayne could understand? There were too many angles, too many ghosts and half ghosts and clones involved. Why had Vlad sent him here? Was Danny supposed to explain he'd gotten his butt kicked halfway up the state and woken up here?

A hand met his shoulder.

"Danny."

Danny found himself slouched, folded down in his chair. He looked up to see the millionaire with a hand on his shoulder. He was wearing a superman bathrobe, and if his eyes weren't so bagged, the similarity would be uncanny.

"Your sisters will be fine."

Danny nodded, without meaning to. There was something certain in his voice.

"Alfred."

The door cracked open, creaking slightly. Afred's greying moustache peeked through the door.

"Please show Danny to Damian's room."

"... Master Damian's room sir.

The hand on his shoulder became Alfred's, and guided him along the hallways.

"Your room young man. Don't hesitate to ring if you need anything."

The door closed behind him, and Danny moved to the bed. He would wait a few minutes, until the butler was busy, then phase through the walls and fly back to Amityville. He sat on the bed.

Danny yelped and hopped up from the bed, pulling a small, pitch black Shurikan out of his butt.

He inspected it in the pitch white light of the ornate bedroom. One edge was slightly colored, a sheen of glowing green at one edge. He dropped it, annoyed.

"Rich kids."

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39926481/chapters/99976503