#muc writing challenge

[urrmomzfavorite]

PICK A CARD MESSAGE YOU NEED TO HEAR

Pile One: Cards: Three of Cups, The World, Ace of Pentacles, Page of Swords

Pile One, I’m really excited for you, my loves! Your friends are going to play a key role in your success when it comes to your career. You’ve been undergoing a period of deep transformation, shedding old layers, and purging what no longer serves you. There have been tough choices, some that went against your desires but were necessary for your growth. I feel a recognition of childhood trauma and the realization of how it has shaped your life so far. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but you’re emerging stronger. Your luck is turning, and that's the part I’m excited about—finally, we’re entering the rebirth phase! Soon, you’ll face a crossroads, which may feel like a test from the universe for some of you. The advice here is simple: choose YOU. What is best for you, always. Apply the hard lessons you’ve learned in recent years.

Great things are on the horizon for you and your loved ones, filled with celebrations and opportunities for growth. Stand your ground and set clear boundaries. You’re currently building a solid, honest foundation for your life. Your friends, as well as your community, are playing a huge part in your evolution. There are abundant opportunities ahead, and soon, you’ll find yourself in rooms you never even dreamed of.

Pile One, you’re a powerhouse, and I’m so proud of you! <3

(Lenormand Cards drawn: The Whip, The Coffin, The Child, The Mice, The Cross, The Rider, The Clover, The Crossroads, The Tower, The Dog, The House, The Bouquet)

message me for a personal reading <3

Pile Two: ( I honestly forgot to write the tarot cards that i drew, and now it's next day and i have no idea what they were, adhd brain sorry )

Pile Two, how does it feel to be right? You’re shining and glowing—no one can miss your light because you're radiating. I’m picking up on a "getting my revenge energy," but not in a malicious way. It’s more of a constructive, maybe a little mischievous, but not destructive vibe. I love how you express yourself—you would make an excellent politician. You’ve been through some challenges but bounced back quickly, showing resilience. I feel like you’ve realized you should always go where you’re celebrated, not where you're tolerated.

Now, I have something to say, and if it doesn’t resonate, it’s not for you. I feel like you've started a new relationship, and maybe the honeymoon phase is over. There’s been a lot of communication through messages, and it seems like you know it’s coming to an end. You're scared of what's next. My advice? Follow your childhood dreams. I feel like reconnecting with past hobbies or passions will bring you guidance. Your inner child is calling to you, and you’re finally answering the call. Is that why you’re glowing? BADDIEEEEEEEE. If you're going through this right now, just know that you are protected, and you're in good hands.

Your path is becoming clearer, and you're walking toward abundance and greater strength in your character. Let go of that feeling of being haunted, and trust that you are protected.

(Lenormand Cards drawn: The Whip, The Heart, The Letter, The Coffin, The Cross, The Crossroads, The Child, The Sun.) (Prism Oracle Deck: Abundance, Strength, Ghost, Caution, Protected)

message me for a personal reading <3

Pile Three: Cards: The Hanged One, The Magician, Knight of Swords, The Devil, Nine of Wands, Knight of Cups

Pile Three, you’re creating significant change around you. I’m getting this feeling that things are finally starting to fall into place. It’s like you’ve found the right key to unlock a door you’ve been trying to open for a while. It’s been a long and sometimes lonely journey, but you kept going, knowing success was inevitable. I want to commend you for your strategic approach, rational thinking, and cleverness. Some might call it luck, but the truth is, you’ve put in the work!

Soon, you will receive news or a message that will bring you much joy. You’ve poured so much energy and passion into this, and now you're reflecting on your growth. Pile Three, perhaps you’ve even gone through a physical transformation recently?

Your finances are set to grow significantly this year, and important people will want to work with you. Once again, I’m so proud of you, and I wish you all the best, my loves.

(Lenormand Cards drawn: The Scythe, The Tower, The Dog, The Fox, The Star, The Fish) (Prism Oracle Deck: Passion, Pain, Reflection, Growth)

message me for a personal reading <3

[sister-of-hitoshi]

The guy in trench-coat

Word count: 707 ; Genre: Fluff

Anime: Mr villain's day off

Character: Warumono-san/Mr villain

Note: This is my first time writing, finishing and posting a fanfic...please be kind about my mistakes TvT (Btw you can imagine yourself in the little girl's place (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)<3)

"Panda-san!! Hereee!!!! Look here!!!"

You were again swarmed by a throng of little devils.

It was a hot sultry day in mid-June. And every passing minute felt hotter than the last. Especially if you were wearing a thick armour of impenetrable material, ready to go to war against the little devils of humanity with the cuteness of the armour being your only weapon. But hey, the pay for participating as the solo warrior of cuteness was pretty reasonable, and despite the challenging conditions, you just couldn't find it in yourself to be angry at your cutsy panda costume.... curse it's cuteness! Nobody till date seemed to understand the extent of your love for these adorable begins, not even when they saw your humble abode festooned with an overbearing amount of panda merch.

With your head in the clouds and over-exaggerated gestures towards the kids, you had almost forgotten your purpose of deliberately loosing each game of stone-paper-scissors so that they could stop bothering you- you mean- win prizes. However, never did you expect a handsome, full grown man in a trench coat to appear in front of you to play the game as well. This snapped you back to reality as you gaped at him for a few seconds straight, not quite believing this handsome aloof looking dude has willingly come into the kid's play area without an ounce of embarrassment. You immediately understood the gesture though, you immediately figured that he likes pandas as much as you do, and finding a person of similar interest after such a long time had made your day a lot better; it made you extremely happy. So much happy that even during your break you had gone looking for him inside that heavy armour of cuteness. So so happy that you missed him after your work had ended for the day. It was evening now, and there were less and less people in the zoo now. You finally opened the headpiece of your costume and sat on a nearby bench, gazing at the orange sky. Tired and drenched with sweat you had exclaimed to yourself out loud that you missed him, and that "the guy in trench coat seemed very nice", when suddenly there was a shadow looming over you, with a napkin in hand, the shadow of the very person you had thought of all day. The very person you had wanted to meet again. Gaping at him you took the handkerchief, suddenly feeling very embarassed about your sweat drenched face.

"Thank you. The work you do must be tiring."

"Why are you thanking me? I should be the one thanking you" You turned to him, offering a gentle smile and some space as he sat beside you.

"You said that I am nice."

Oh-

"Haha, I feel so." You blushed in embarrassment

He had heard me-

"You must love pandas?" You tried to continue the conversation, for some reason you didn't want to let this opportunity go.

"I do." He said, offering a smile in return.

You looked at him and weighed your options, finally going with: "I have some free panda merch with me, which I wouldn't mind sharing with someone who seems to share my interests...would you be alright with it?" You fished inside your costume pockets and found a panda keychain, immediately taking his hand in yours and placing it on his palm.

Met with silence you looked at him and offered a sincere smile, cheeks tinged red due to both the internal and external heat.

His speechlessness was broken by him suddenly holding your hands and offering you a sincere 'thank you'. "I'll cherish it" he replied in return as well, letting go of your hands and standing up. Not wanting it to end, you immediately stood up as well, and blurted out "M-My name is Y/N, and I'll be still here for week so you can come whenever you like...umm please let's meet again! We can discuss so much about pandas!!" You had basically said the first thing that had come to your mind without much thought, and as soon as you started doubting everything you had said so far, you heard a "Sure thing" and saw him smile.

You were sure of it. You had found the one.

[miyakuli]

Triangle Strategy

My obsession since a month. I finished all the routes and played so many hours, I'm finally ready to present it to you and I hope my review will pique your interest and that you'll join me in this then xD (because I LOVE IT TOO MUCH).

Triangle Strategy is a tactical rpg that also flirts with the narrative genre, in which you juggle between fights, cut scenes and choice phases that will influence the fate of Lord Serenor and the future of the continent of Norzelia. Let's say it right away, I devoured the game; I haven't enjoyed a tactical game this much since Fire Emblem 3H! The game has a lot going for it, both in terms of gameplay and narrative, but there are a few disappointing points that could have been better executed by Square Enix.

❤ The story is excellent, very well written and very engaging. The geopolitical conflict is coherent, and we don't just see everything through the eyes of the MC, there are also side moments to follow the plot from other points of view. It's easy to see that the game isn't at all Manichean; each character has their own vision of the continent's prosperity, and as a result, nobody really embodies evil or good. There's a real maturity of writing here, making TS not at all predictable or cliché. ❤ This feeling is reinforced by the choice system, since in wartime, no choice is fair to all, and concessions have to be made. This makes it almost heartbreaking to decide. The game offers us 2 forms of choice. First, dialogue choices to reinforce your character's convictions, revolving around 3 main themes: Morality, Liberty, and Utility. Then, scenario choices that will influence your game, based on a debate with your group; in fact, the convictions you've strengthened will help you win debates. It's an essential part of the story, and adds a lot of spice, if I may say so, as well as replayability (4 endings, including a "true end"). ❤ Let's talk about combat. The tactical aspect is fairly basic and easy to learn. On the other hand, it offers real diversity in terms of combinations. Each recruit has their own combat specialities (2 archers will not have the same attack and defense characteristics, and will have very different skills too). As a result, you really get caught up in studying the field, weather and enemies to come up with the best possible strategy. What's more, the game offers a fair amount of challenge in certain battles, so you'll sometimes have to start them all over again, which really pushes you to persevere and find the best possible combinations; it was extremely addictive for me. ❤ In terms of artistic direction, the 2d-hd pixel art is really beautiful, with superb lighting effects and depth of field. ❤ For the audio, the game is already fully dubbed (Japanese or English), which greatly strengthens our attachment to the characters and our immersion in the story. I played it in Japanese and recognized some big names in dubbing, so it really is a top-quality cast. Now I'd like to turn to the thing that most amazed me about this game: the music. Composed by Akira Senju, whose music for FMA Brotherhood I already greatly admire, he created here an absolutely incredible soundtrack! All the themes are memorable and effectively accompany the atmosphere of every moment in the game. I can say without hesitation that this soundtrack has immediately become one of my must-haves <3

+/- The group's main characters are very likeable and pretty well developed over the course of the game. It's a pity that this is not the case for the other units in our group. Their recruitment is done in a very expeditious way (the characters are accessible as soon as you've increased your convictions enough) based on a short scene like, "Hi, I've come to fight by your side". And then you unlock 2 extra stages if you raise their stats enough, and that's it…at least in Fire Emblem, the appearance of secondary units was done through combat, which allowed us to learn and test their skills, it was much more useful. +/- NG+ is really cool if you want to keep playing and unlock new characters or scenarios. On the other hand, why doesn't the option just appear in the menu, it's pretty confusing to launch (because yes, I relaunched another day and had forgotten about the little explanatory window, but come on!).

✖ Some combat animations are quite slow, and you can't really get past them even when speeding up. ✖ The exploration phases are not very interesting (only 2 phases have a real impact on the scenario, otherwise it's just to recover items). ✖ The game's OST is neither sold on Steam, nor accessible on Spotify or anything else, I want to tear my hair out in frustration. PLEASE SQUARE ENIX, LET ME OWN THIS MUSIC!!!! (;;)

As you can see, after 80 hours of play, Triangle Strategy is for me an excellent game in its genre, thanks to its narrative and strategic qualities, and I can say that I felt a great sadness to have finished it x') However, I'd recommend it to those who like to read, because yes, the dialogues are rich and abundant, and I think that might put off a lot of people expecting more combat and less blah-blah.

As far as I'm concerned, it's this balance between narrative and combat that gives this game its charm and strength, and which I'm sure will convince other lovers of the genre. I'm convinced of it.

➡ My Steam page

[daily-dr-crackpot]

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. 👋🏼❤️

I am writing to you today in a state of deep concern, as we are facing an extremely difficult situation. Our housing lease is about to expire, and the harsh winter is approaching quickly.😔

I urgently need your help to secure a safe shelter for our children. Providing them with a place where they feel safe and stable is what they desperately need 🥺. Without your support, we may find ourselves in a very challenging position.🙏🏼

Please, if you can help, consider donating what you can to save their lives and ensure a better future for them🙏🏼. Every contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant impact.

Thank you very much for your support during these tough times.🙌🏼❤️🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/59e9578a

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. 👋🏼❤️

I am writing to you today in a state of deep concern, as we are facing an extremely difficult situation. Our housing lease is about to expire, and the harsh winter is approaching quickly.😔

I urgently need your help to secure a safe shelter for our children. Providing them with a place where they feel safe and stable is what they desperately need 🥺. Without your support, we may find ourselves in a very challenging position.🙏🏼

Please, if you can help, consider donating what you can to save their lives and ensure a better future for them🙏🏼. Every contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant impact.

Thank you very much for your support during these tough times.🙌🏼❤️🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/59e9578a

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. 👋🏼❤️

I am writing to you today in a state of deep concern, as we are facing an extremely difficult situation. Our housing lease is about to expire, and the harsh winter is approaching quickly.😔

I urgently need your help to secure a safe shelter for our children. Providing them with a place where they feel safe and stable is what they desperately need 🥺. Without your support, we may find ourselves in a very challenging position.🙏🏼

Please, if you can help, consider donating what you can to save their lives and ensure a better future for them🙏🏼. Every contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant impact.

Thank you very much for your support during these tough times.🙌🏼❤️🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/59e9578a

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. 👋🏼❤️

I am writing to you today in a state of deep concern, as we are facing an extremely difficult situation. Our housing lease is about to expire, and the harsh winter is approaching quickly.😔

I urgently need your help to secure a safe shelter for our children. Providing them with a place where they feel safe and stable is what they desperately need 🥺. Without your support, we may find ourselves in a very challenging position.🙏🏼

Please, if you can help, consider donating what you can to save their lives and ensure a better future for them🙏🏼. Every contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant impact.

Thank you very much for your support during these tough times.🙌🏼❤️🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/59e9578a

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. 👋🏼❤️

I am writing to you today in a state of deep concern, as we are facing an extremely difficult situation. Our housing lease is about to expire, and the harsh winter is approaching quickly.😔

I urgently need your help to secure a safe shelter for our children. Providing them with a place where they feel safe and stable is what they desperately need 🥺. Without your support, we may find ourselves in a very challenging position.🙏🏼

Please, if you can help, consider donating what you can to save their lives and ensure a better future for them🙏🏼. Every contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant impact.

Thank you very much for your support during these tough times.🙌🏼❤️🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/59e9578a

[daincrediblegg]

💛🖤💕

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why? Ah there it is. Pandora's box. The Atom Bomb. It's Fitzier. You know it's Fitzier, I know it's Fitzier, we all know it's Fitzier. So here I will air my grievances. Because listen. Canon stuff? I love that shit. I eat that subtext up for breakfast. I cry about the cairn scene just like anyone else and it really is such a sacred scene to the show and I'm always going to be in love with it. It's really wonderful how well Francis and James' relationship holds up a mirror and a beautiful foil to Hickey and Gibson and in more of a queerplatonic way that I really deeply admire David Kajganish for putting all of this thought work into this series because it is so vital to the deconstruction of colonialist ideas that the historical event represents, not to mention the modern day implications on masculinity, and really pays homage to the gothic literary subtextual queer men who came before them. My main issues with it are how fanon has spun it into the end-all be-all of queer romance (which I've always been chronically allergic to since. forever), and admittedly (obviously) I'm a little bit more biased towards Francis in a way that is against a lot of the tropes that folks tend to spin in fitzier fics and art that I just can't get behind.

And before I go further, I want to preface the rest of what I'm about to say with this, because I know I have a lot of friends, mutuals, and followers who do ship it and I want them to know that this isn't reflective of them and that what I say I should hope to only be taken as pissing in the wind : because the world is hard enough to fucking live through right now as it is, and finding joy in anything they can is what I want for everyone. This one just isn't for me tho, and that's ok. But I've been given the opportunity to be a hater publicly and you will pry that out of my cold dead hands. Like ok. The main issue I have though is that I just want nice things for Francis, ok? James always gets all the emotional attention in this pairing and I'm sat here like... Emotional support for Francis, king? Mutual love and support during the breakdown of identity for Francis? Attentions to Francis' oppression as an irish man living in victorian england tonite??? Like. Call me crazy but I think he deserves to be with someone who doesn't fundamentally misunderstand him from the outset, someone who can still challenge him of course, and can challenge him in a lot of ways that he hasn't considered being challenged before, but still with an undercurrent of love beneath it, and someone he can be outwardly affectionate with as a result (because I KNOW he's capable of that). Like fighting for each other with love, rather than being outright antagonistic the way James is with him (and then subsequently the way it is woobified into enemies to lovers hate sex tropes. which again, sure. fine. can be fun sometimes. but. I'm sorry I have more wholesome gothic romance tastes in my own writing I guess. and that I also want better things for Francis. like. having sex with someone who isn't going to call him daddy or hates him. Like sorry has anyone -other than blanky of course- made him guffaw with laughter? made him comfortable enough to be truly honest with himself and raw and emotionally vulnerable? where he's not *just* giving someone else space to do that? that's what he deserves to me, and this ship just ain't hitting. case closed.)

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think? Edward Little. he's got that racial panic rizz that everyone else but me seems to like, but I haven't forgotten about the whole 'but what if they seek retribution' shtick that he had going on that contributes to why he lets toze get away with handing out arms later in terror camp. (I say this fully aware that my own blorbo has his own issues regarding the inuit folks that they interact with, but also he has a much more nuanced position in the narrative that makes it fun to get introspective about and it's much more complicated than just a flat line of typical time period shit. Ed is just. a bloke in an un-fun way. who needs to quit his job and go home. and also I would really like to think the real guy was much less of a wet rag irl than he was in the show (and from what I've read from may we be spared to meet on earth crozier actually respected him lmao). All this to say, it just doesn't turn me on)

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like? Oh I have a lot of niche bastards that I really enjoy. Idk if we would call it super niche but Francis/Blanky I enjoy a lot. And there are TONS of others, a lot of which were pondered at the behest of the no longer with us kittensmctavish (RIP, but their fics are still on ao3 and I cannot recommend them enough), but we were talking a lot about a really cool Irving/Gibson canon re-write concept at one point that I thought was really neat and I still think about it every now and again. Also Irving/Koveyook. I think that it's really class.

ASK GAME: UNPOPULAR OPINON EDITION

[brooklyndadshow]

Rhythm and breath

Writing Live from BRIC Jazzfest in Brooklyn. It's a beautiful day and everything feels right. The big band is playing jazz and the weather is perfect. I can feel the bass of the drums reverbate through my body. The musicians are taking turns doing solos - and I was just inspired to write - to express myself as the music plays.

When I did the open muc on Thursday, I asked a musician who went on before to play - I wanted to tell my story to music. My stories are usually honest, real life - and life has a rhythm - a beat - a pulse. It felt natural to improvise my story to a rhythm

Rhythm and breath

I'm trying to fine the time to breathe and find my new rhythm . The reacl challenge of these past few years has been to fin the new rhythm. It's hard to accept that the songs and rhythm I've been moving to need to change. It's been awkward to try new things out of my comfort zone and easy to fall into the same toxic beats.

But despite the challenges I'm ready to make new music. As the band plays, the notes and melodies echo in my head, and each beat of the drum shakes my sould in time. I'm inspired - I'm ready to play on.

[ethereal-blossom]

If is possible, may I ask which kink PM!Dazai and ADA! Dazai has? I really love PM!Dazai, but there is so few stuff about him

a/n: yes! i hope my thoughts are a bit accurate on this, haha. and maybe i should start writing for pm! dazai more when i get the chances.

🚨warning(s): nsfw

masterlist

pm! dazai kinks

first of all, i think pm! dazai is quite experimental in bed. pm! dazai seems to me like he's someone who wants to see where his partner's limit is and if it can be expanded. he would observe those limits and use that knowledge in his favor, both in and outside the bedroom. i see pm! dazai as a strong dom. he would want to be in charge and if you want him to be submissive, he has to trust you. even when he's at the bottom, pm! dazai is still in control. furthermore:

bondage= i feel like this is something pm! dazai would want to try for sure. it would give him the role of the dominant one who is in control and he can get quite creative with the amount of ways to practice this kink. i don't think he likes extreme stuff, but handcuffing you to the bed is a turn on for him.

blindfolding= there's something about his partner being blindfolded that would turn pm! dazai on. he loves to know that they can't rely on their sight to know what's going on. it means that he is in control.

breath play= somehow i can see pm! dazai being into this? i know it can be real dangerous, but dazai as someone who is intrigued by death and doesn't seem to care much about human lives, i feel like breath play is something dazai would want to try. not that he would want to do it every time, but every once in a while when he has to blow off some steam. i am kind of doubting if he would be into receiving breath play? a part of me screams that he likes the risk of it and the fact that it brings him closer to death, but a part of me also says that dazai would only want to receive it from someone he trusts.

degradation= he wouldn't care if his partner cries. the reason why i think this is because dazai would go into this for his own pleasure rather than someone else's. i don't think he would have much of an emotional bond with the people he would fuck.

edging= this man just loves to see his partner begging and longing for release. dazai would love being in that kind of control.

temperature play= so, i am not exactly sure how to explain this. i think this gives pm! dazai a great opportunity to see where his partner's limits are and it's a kink you can experiment a lot with. he would probably combine it with blindfolding to make it intenser for his partner.

overstimulation= pm! dazai would love to see how much orgasms he can get out of his partner. he wants to see where their limit is and if he can expand it.

all by all, i think pm! dazai's kinks would be focused on having control and showing power or dominance. he loves searching for the limit and trying to challenge his partner into giving him more. there are maybe a few other kinks that i think would fit him but can't come up with right now. i wrote this in mind with the idea that pm! dazai isn't emotionally attached to the people he would be intimate with. i think pm! dazai would have been more of the guy that does one-night-stands or has a someone-with-benefits kind of situation. if pm! dazai would be emotionally attached to someone he would have sex with, i think he would become softer and more like how i imagine ada! dazai to be during nsfw parts. or he still will have his pm! kinks but then softer.

i don't think ada! dazai is as much focused on power, dominance or curiosity as pm! dazai would be. from my perspective, ada! dazai would be more emotionally attached to his partner and focus on the pleasure without any strings attached. however, that doesn't mean i think pm! dazai can't be the same, because i do think that if pm! dazai really trusts the person and has an emotional bond with them, he would go easier on his partner. n

like i said previously, i expect for pm! dazai to not have much of an emotional bond with his partner unless he trusts them, but i think the opposite counts for ada! dazai. i imagine ada! dazai to only be intimate with a partner he trusts, which gives him the safety to be a switch. ada! dazai would still be in control to a certain degree, but he also secretly loves it when his partner is being a dom.

edging= - he's still into this but for different reasons. ada! dazai still enjoys edging his partner because he loves their reaction , but he also does it to make their pleasure intenser.

overstimulation= - this is the same as pm! dazai because he wants to explore his partner's limit and see if he can move it a bit further. however, he would be more considerate doing this.

i think ada! dazai would occasionally want to do some other kinks that i imagine pm! dazai to have (except for breath play and degradation) , but not as much or intense as his past self would have liked to. so, edging and overstimulation are the ones that i can still see ada! dazai being into. to be honest, i can't think of much else for him at the moment. even though these two are the same person, i think dazai became more vanilla in his kinks after he joined the armed detective agency.

i don't think ada! dazai is as much focused on power, dominance or curiosity as pm! dazai would be. from my perspective, ada! dazai would be more emotionally attached to his partner and focus on the pleasure without any strings attached. however, that doesn't mean i think pm! dazai can't be the same, because i do think that if pm! dazai really trusts the person and has an emotional bond with them, he would go easier on his partner. and i still think that ada! dazai can turn to his pm! dazai tendencies. i think there is a panel in which is implied that dazai used some of his... charm... on a nurse to get what he wanted. so, it really depends on the relationship, the mood and the scenario.

[kmbezner]

Aaaaaand it's time for my top ten favorite reads of the year! In no particular order:

Notes from the Burning Age by Claire North

I'll start with the first book I read this year, cause WOW what a book to start with. I started reading this as an egalley at the end of 2021, but didn’t finish it before it expired 😭 It’s a truly amazing cocktail of one part dystopian climate fiction, one part political thriller, one part fantastical mythology, garnished with a bit of philosophy. North seamlessly weaves these elements in a way that makes you want to write like that.

Full Review | Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound | Libro

The Carrying by Ada Limón

The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio

I read both of these books during a kind of nonfiction blitz challenge that started when my supervisor in the reference department asked for staff picks for a display and I realized I hadn't read any nonfiction in an embarrassingly long time. Both of these ended up on the staff pick display, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since.

The Carrying is a beautiful collection of poetry I had read single poems from before, but the entire collection comes together to paint a picture of loss and love traced across generations.

Short Review | Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound | Libro

I listened to The Undocumented Americans, which I highly recommend as Villavicencio reads it herself and does a wonderful job. It's in part a collection of interviews that turns to reflect Villacencio's own life and the connections she makes with those she meets.

Bookshop | Local Library | Indiebound | Libro

On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden

The Honeys by Ryan La Sala

These were both book club reads, one for my local library's graphic novel book club and the other for QUEST RI. The funny thing is that I ended up not being able to attend the actual meeting for either of them, but damn they were good.

I've been a fan of Tillie Walden for a while now, and am kicking myself for not reading this one sooner. They are SO skilled at that kind of faded nostalgia, that bittersweet, melancholic sadness through gorgeous artwork and sparse, emotional storytelling. Also, gays in space.

Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound

The Honeys is a perfectly tense and taut YA thriller that is so hard to put down. It's got a dark academia vibe despite being set at a summer camp, with plenty of surreal summer feels and guillotine-the-rich vibes.

Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound | Libro

How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell

This book has been on my TBR for a while now, and when the college library I work at started looking for recommendations for next year’s college-wide read on the theme of social media, I figured it was finally time to jump on it. It was much more than I expected, mainly because I was expecting a kind of self-help book plus. But this book isn’t just about putting down your phone every once in a while, it’s an exploration of a cultural shift that’s centuries in the making. Odell discusses art, music, philosophy, psychology, politics, and of course big tech as she traces how our attention has become a commodity to be monetized.

Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound | Libro

His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo

These books are doing the job of carrying their whole series onto this list. No, it's not cheating, it's my list and my rules :)

I actually read His Majesty's Dragon years ago, and despite tearing through it didn't get around to reading the other books. During a months-long reading slump earlier this year I decided to dredge myself out of it by rereading a book I knew I liked, and letting the series carry me from there. And boy howdy it worked! I was hoping to finish the series this year, but due to life things and library holds that won't come in for a couple more weeks that plan has been thwarted :/

Short Review | Local Library | Indiebound | Libro

I was looking for a quick read when I started the Singing Hills Cycle, and was just astonished at how much lore Vo packs into these novellas. There is so much information about this world in such short and deeply satisfying books, each one a snapshot into a different aspect of the world, shared in ways that both celebrate and challenge the nature of storytelling, history, and memory.

Full Review | Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound | Libro

Frizzy by Claribel A. Ortega & Rose Bousamra

Received as an ARC from BookishFirst, this was not only one of my favorite books of the year, but is showing up on best of lists all over the place. And rightfully so—this middle grade graphic novel is about so much more than hair, as important as that is. I can’t stress enough that everyone should read this book.

Full Review | Local Library | Bookshop | Indiebound

Mage and the Endless Unknown by SJ Miller

No cover for this one, because it hasn’t been revealed yet! I read this comic as an egalley on Edelweiss and was instantly grabbed by the eerie artwork and because Iron Circus Comics consistently publishes some of my favorite books. Mage is a collected webcomic, and, without spoiling too much, is basically Over the Garden Wall by Junji Ito (so…CW for graphic imagery. yeah, I know the art starts off kinda cutesy, just trust me). Keep an eye out for this one next year, or if you can’t wait you can read the original webcomic online!

Read Online | Bookshop | Indiebound

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

[spencessmile]

Pinky Promise

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Reader 

Summary -  You haven't heard from Spencer in over two weeks, you go and find out why. 

Warnings - Angst 

Word Count -1834 words

And all imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don't steal my work and post it without my consent. Happy reading! 

A/N - This piece of writing comes from a very heavy part of my heart. It was incredibly heart wrenching to write it but I needed to share it with you all.

If you are currently in a place where you feel like you are alone. I promise you, you aren't no matter what your brain or heart tries to convince you of. You matter and you are loved so very much. I love you.

I hope you're okay ❤❤

Requests are open!

** 

You matter how much you tried to focus you couldn't because your mind kept wandering back to Spencer. You haven't seen him in over two weeks since he asked for time off from Hotch to go visit his mom. You tried calling him last week, he answered but didn't sound like himself, at all. You knew it was a bit of a rough time for him. You decided to back off and give him space because Spencer does build up walls. 

But he never blocked you out, you were his best friend. Ever since you started working at the BAU Spencer was the first one you got along with. The amount of knowledge and stuff he knows fascinated your mind and you were the only one out of everyone on the team that could listen to him ramble on about random stuff for hours on end. If there was anything that you and Spencer shared it was the love of books. 

You and Spencer would often find yourself talking, and exchanging about books. Books were the one thing that shined a light in your friendship. You even spend several Sunday hanging out at book stores. You and Spencer even had a playful competition to see who could read the most books in a day. You lost that challenge as soon as you suggested it. Who could ever win a competition with a person with an eidetic memory? No one. Not even you. 

"Earth to Y/N," You snapped out of thoughts to see Morgan snapping his fingers. 

"Yeah," You said, the whole team looking at you. 

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," You smiled. 

"We don't have time to waste wheels up in 30," Hotch ordered. "Y/L/N, can I see you in my office," Hotch said and you nodded collecting your stuff and following Hotch. 

You shut the door behind you and immediately turned to Hotch. 

"Have you talked to Spencer?" You both said at the same time. You sighed and shook your head. 

"He hasn't been answering my calls," You said and Hotch just looked at you. "Hotch if you don't mind, I'd like to sit this one out. I need to check up on Spencer. He has never gone this long without calling or texting me." You said and Hotch agreed. "I need to make he's okay." 

"Conduct a wellness search, and keep me updated." You nodded. 

"I will and safe travels." You said walking out. The rest of the team stared at you as you walked out of Hotch's office. You put your stuff down and looked at them. 

"I'm worried about him," You said didn't even mention Spencer's name they knew who you were talking about.

"We're all worried about him," JJ said. 

"Are you staying back?" Morgan asked. 

"I'm going to go and check up on him." 

"Keep us updated," Prentiss said.  

"Will do."

You didn't even know if Spencer was back from Las Vegas or not but you grabbed the spare key to Spencer's apartment that you had from your purse, that he gave you a while back. You opened the door and the first thing you noticed was, it was completely dark in the apartment but it smelled like Spencer; coffee and lavender. 

"Spence?" You called out, putting your purse down on the sofa, you got no response. You turned the corner and saw the kitchen light on. "Spence, it's Y/N." The small kitchen table had a bowl, cereal box, and milk carton on it.

The apartment was eerily way too quiet, even for Spencer. You walked down the hall, heading towards Spencer's room."Spence, it's Y/N can you open the door?" You knocked twice. You stood there waiting for a response but nothing. You turned the knob and the door was open. "I'm coming in." You announced. You take two steps pushing opening the door, the room was dark and you couldn't see anything. You flipped on the small light. Your eyes scanned the room until you saw Spencer sitting the corner of his room, a broken picture frame beside him. 

You walked closer to him, "Spen-" You kneeled down, reaching out for his hand, but he immediately pushed your hand away. Spencer wiped his tears that were falling from his face. Even though you didn't touch him you could tell he was tense. 

You'd never seen Spencer cry, but seeing him like this caused your insides too tighten as well. His walls were high like he didn't want anyone getting close, not even you. Spencer never pushed you away, you were his person. He would always share his problems with you. Spencer hid his face in his palms and he was shaking. Spencer was trying to grasp for some air but his cries were making it impossible for him to get air down in his lungs. 

You moved closer and let your fingers slip into Spencer's messy hair. This time he didn't fight back. Spencer was sitting right in front of you and he was falling apart and you didn't know why or how to help him. For some reason, his whole world was crashing down and there was nothing you could do about it. 

"Spence, what's going on?" You asked, fighting back your own tears. 

"No-nothing." 

"That's not true," You spoke. "Spence, there's something that's bothering you. A lot." Spencer tries to pull his hand back but your grip on him was tight. Your hand slipped to his back, gently rubbing it. "Let me help you," You pleaded. Your words made it worse because Spencer broke down in sobs. You pulled him into your chest. "I've got you. You're okay." You whispered into his ear. Spencer wrapped his arms around your body. He pulled you closer towards him. 

No matter what Spencer went through, he was always strong for the team, himself, and his mom. Somewhere along the lines, he was your strength too. At this very moment, there was no strength within him to fight whatever was going on with him. 

"You need to tell me what's going on, what's making you so upset?" 

"I just can't do this anymore," He chokes out. 

"You can't do what?" 

"All of this, I just can't." 

"What are you talking about?" You asked, confused. He didn't respond. You continued to rub his back as he sobbed into your chest. "Spence, look at me." You said pushing some of his hair out of his eyes. His eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. You looked into his eyes. "Talk to me please," You begged him, wiping some of his tears. 

"It's way too much," He says, his voice cracks. You play with his hair, not knowing what to say to him. "It's just too much for me." 

"It's okay," You said and he shakes his head. 

"No, it's not!" He snapped, ripping your hands away from him, looking at you painfully. "I just can't do this!" He said crying harder. You watched him completely crumble within himself. You wanted to help him but you couldn't unless he doesn't let you in. Why isn't he letting you in? What is crushing him from within so much? 

You wanted to say something but you didn't know what words of comfort to speak. Spencer's eyes were dark, the bags hanging low, and his once pink lips now drained of colour. 

"It's okay, Spence. Sometimes it all get's too much. It's completely fine for you to feel lost." Spencer looked at you and his eyes darkened. He fell into your chest. 

"I can't do this. I have to find a way out. I have to." He mumbled, into your sweater. You wrapped your arms around him again. 

"You don't have to do anything. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. It's completely fine to admit that you have too much on your plate. It's okay for you to break down. There is only so much you can take." 

"I can't let you guys or my mom down." Spencer was falling in pieces right in front of you and all he could think about was letting down the people around him. It was tearing him apart.

 "Listen to me," You started. "The team, your mom, and I all love you so much. We would be the first ones to tell you to take a break. You aren't letting anyone down. Not a single person. You have to take care of yourself." He slightly nodded but it almost felt as your words carried no weight. "I do one extra case file and you're the first one to tell me I'm overworking myself," You lightly chuckle. "Now I'm telling you, please take care of yourself." Spencer slowly nodded, his hot breath on your neck. 

"I just can't let anyone down." He mumbled. 

"Spence, you're going to let us down if you don't take the time to care for yourself. We're only concerned about your health." You stated. 

"I've never let myself down and this feels so muc-" He stopped mid-sentence, his own hurts stung him. 

"Spence you're falling to pieces right in front of me. You have to take care of yourself. You have to admit that you can't handle all that you carry. You need to come to terms with the fact that you need help." You can feel the knot in your stomach as you watch Spencer lean more into you. 

You held Spencer for what felt like forever until he pulled back and looked at you. 

"Help me Y/N please," He pleaded with his eyes. 

"I'm right here," You said cupping his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry I raised my voice at you," He voice was low. 

"I'd rather you take it out on me than anyone else Spence," You give a small smile. "Promise me that you will talk to Hotch about taking some time off and reach out for some help?" You held out your pinky promises. 

"Pinky promises, really?" Spencer asked. 

"I take my pink promises very seriously, doctor." You said and Spence flashed his perfect smile at you. 

Spencer wrapped his pinky around yours. "Pinky promise." 

** 

The kind of boy who would never break a pinky swear - Unknown

[baejl]

genius

ateez 9th member au

woosan annoying moon

masterlist  ☾ requests are open feedback is always important to me

Moon sighed for the nth time since she started all those homeworks she had to do.

Even thought she really enjoyed math and the guilty pleasure of getting the right answer on the first try, her brain seemed to be working against her.

Moon didn't even bother to look up when she heard some giggles.

"What do you guys want?" she asked.

"Nothing." Wooyoung answered while he sat on the chair right in front of her and all those books.

"We were just admiring your beauty." San sat close to Wooyoung. "We're missing you."

Moon stopped and looked at San.

"We live together."

"Crazy right?" Wooyoung said ironically.

Moon rolled her eyes at them and returned her attention to all the calculations.

The harder she tried, less she could focus with the two boys whispering, laughing and touching her school supplies.

"Eunji, how much is 32 times 345?" San randomly asked and Moon dropped the pen she was writing with.

"Are we really playing this?" she asked annoyed.

"You're a living brain, I'm sure you know this one." Wooyoung held the calculator.

"11.040." the girl answered.

"What about..." Wooyoung said tapping some random numbers. "4.523 times 3.520?"

It didn't take Moon five seconds to answer.

"15.920.960." she smirked. "Try harder."

"DID SHE SMIRK AT US?" San exclaimed pointed at Moon, who gave a loud laugh.

"WHY DID YOU SMIRK AT US?" Wooyoung imitated San.

"You guys are pathetic."

Moon said before starting to pack her things again.

"7 TIMES 850?" San shouted as the girl took her supplies and headed to her room. She only shook her head. "Come on!"

"Spare me, oppa." she mumbled.

"The disrespect on this house is unbelievable!" Wooyoung said following the girl. "If you are that smart, you must know."

"The thing is, oppa, I'm not that smart. You are the dumb ones. So, if I say that 7 times 850 is 5.950, you'll believe because you don't know if that's true." Moon shrugged.

Wooyoung looked at San, who quickly took the calculator and disked the numbers. San took a deep breath and rolled her eyes when he saw the results.

"She's right." he showed the object to Wooyoung.

"How muc-" Moon interrupted Wooyoung.

"Seriously, if you guys don't stop, I swear I'll call Hongjoong."

"I doubt it." San said with a mischievous smile and crossing his arms. "You guys are still not talking to each other."

"Are you sure?" Moon challenged them and the two boys in front of her nodded. "KIM HONGJOONG!"

"Shit." Wooyoung said. "Moon, listen we didn't want to-"

"What?" Hongjoong showed up with a confused expression. He was starting to get used to not having Moon shouting his name.

"Can you please ask them to stop?" Moon asked.

"Stop what?" Hongjoong asked still hella confused and Moon sighed and brought her shoulders down.

"Just tell them to stop." she whined.

"Okay..." he turned at the boys. "Stop?"

"Ya, that's not fair." San pointed at Moon.

"He's older than you!" Moon pointed at Hongjoong. "You should respect him."

"WE ARE OLDER THAN YOU!" Wooyoung shouted.

"HE'S RIGHT!" San agreed with him.

Moon looked at the boys and put her lips in a thin line.

"Okay, that's my cue." Moon announced and turned her back, heading to her room. San and Wooyoung started to walk behind her so she started to walk faster and laugh.

As soon as she entered her room she was fast enough to close the door before they could get in and cracked up in laughter.

"YA THIS IS NOT ONLY YOUR ROOM!" Wooyoung knocked.

"GO AWAY WOOYOUNG!" Moon screamed back.

"ONE LAST THING..." San said and Moon hummed. "How much is 456 plus 358?"

[chieana]

People tell me to die online. They tell me I should kill myself frequently. They shout bad words to me and warp mine around to fit their personal agenda. I am not a human to them, after all. I'm just a component in their war against freedom for all.

Meanwhile, I sit alone in my apartment. I see things, hear things, feel things, that aren't real. Things that often don't make sense. Sometimes they are memories. Sometimes they are good, happy. Most often they are neither of those.

Throughout my day, no matter what I do, these thoughts randomly pop up in my head. A vivid flash of someone getting stabbed and blood gushing out the fresh wound while at work. The feeling someone grabbing me while I bike home. An angry scream when I sit down to relax.

I've never known anything else. These thoughts have always been there. It's why no one really notices when they happen. I might squint or shake my head, but I don't get scared anymore. I can't. It would affect my life too much.

I'm too paranoid to talk to people about this, I don't want to be pitied. It's my version of normal, why would it have to change? So, I do what I've always done. The safe thing for me. I turn the thoughts into stories, I write them down. Sometimes I write down the flashes I see, sometimes I turn them into a story. I write it out of my brain and into my computer, and then the flashes stop, or turn into something more bearable.

I have too many triggers to keep count of, and I keep discovering new ones. I had to mute a lot of good causes because they would trigger vivid flashes of bad things in my brain. I don't know a life where I don't have to be very vigilant in catering my personal experiences. But because people don't know, they talk about things that will trigger me.

Death, pain, suffering. Sometimes sex. It all activates this part of my brain that controls these thoughts. And I can't mute someone who stands before me. I'm already considered the odd one out, people IRL have always picked me out as the weird one. So I've become silent. I let it happen, try my best to let their conversations slide off me. And otherwise I write down the thoughts, images, feelings, sounds, that I was confronted with, when I'm alone.

I use comedy as a way of lightening the mood, of redirecting my thoughts, so I don't have to face them in places where I don't feel safe. And the worst part is: sometimes I don't even feel safe when I'm alone. Because it can feel like there's someone there, because I have 'imaginary friends' usually in the form of existing people who I will never meet.

The only place I truly feel safe is in the words I write down. I used to write with pen on paper, but over time I changed to digital. And when I got my first good smartphone, I completely stepped over to digital. Because now I had my safe space with me, at all times. If I had intrusive thoughts at work, I could write them down in my break, and feel better when I returned to work.

Then I stumbled upon fandom on twitter. It was nice. So many people I could talk to! Who had similar interests as me! It was the first time I felt like I was part of a fandom. So I did what I've always done: I wrote stories, this time using the names and appearances of people or characters within the fandom. And I posted them online, because I'm proud of my craft, of my ability to shape words into stories that people could enjoy. Proud of my ability to turn something bad and intrusive into something enjoyable and positive.

But suddenly, unlike anything I had experienced before, people started harassing me, bullying me, for my fictional stories. I was called many bad things, for dealing with my mental illness in the only way I know works. People started telling me to kill myself because I have traumas I write about. It challenged my mental health significantly and my mental health went from stable (for the first time in my life) back to being completely chaotic.

No matter how rational I remain under the onslaught, no matter how much I stay strong: The words still affect me. They attack my insecurities, my mental inabilities. It got so bad that I keep regressing back to a fifteen year old. It's terrifying and unhealthy.

I started talking with more people, who were experiencing the same or similar abuse. They confided in me and stood by me. I did my best to help them, to be supportive, even if it's not in my nature to be social. Even if I never learned how to be normal. And I fucked up, many times. Because I don't understand emotions. I don't understand relations between people. I am fully socially incompetent, because I've always been isolated, because the world is too much for me. The mask, the act, will only work for so long until it falls through. And it hurts.

It hurts that I'm so different. I love being unique, but the more I talk to people, the more I am confronted with the same stuff that happened to me when I was young. The odd one out, the weird one. That's me. And I won't change. I can't change. But by now, I don't want to change.

[queenofcats17]

Sidewalk Eggs

@arcadequeerz posted this and I can’t not write it.

Warning; this gets...really gross. 

---------------------------------------------

Wally fried eggs on the sidewalk when it was hot. 

Sammy wasn’t sure why he did this because a.) it was incredibly unsanitary, and b.) it absolutely would not cook the egg properly. The first time he’d seen Wally doing it, he’d been absolutely baffled by the scene before him. 

He’d snuck out of the studio to have a cigarette to ease some of his stress. Yes, he was trying to quit, but he needed something to take the edge off of his stress. When he’d opened the back door to sneak out, he’d found Wally crouched on the sidewalk, staring at an egg. He had a carton of eggs right next to him. The cigarette in Sammy’s mouth dropped to the ground as his mouth gaped open.

“What the actual fuck are you doing?” He asked. 

“Makin’ lunch,” Wally replied, glancing back at him with a goofy grin. “You want some?” 

Sammy stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if this was some sort of joke. Unfortunately, Wally’s expression was completely sincere. Which meant Wally was genuinely going to eat the sidewalk eggs. Sammy wasn’t sure whether to be concerned or amused. 

“....I’m good,” he said slowly. 

Wally shrugged and turned back to his eggs. “Eh, your loss.”

“I’ll have some.” Henry suddenly stuck his head out the back door. 

Sammy stifled the urge to roll his eyes and groan. “Of course you will, Stein.”

Henry walked out to hunker down beside Wally, both of them watching the eggs intently. Wally occasionally poked at them with a stick. By this point, all desire Sammy had to smoke was gone. 

“You idiots are going to get salmonella,” he said. “There’s no way the sidewalk is going to cook them properly.”

“Aw, don’t be so negative, Sammy,” Wally scoffed. “We’ll be fine!”

They were not fine. 

The next day when Sammy came in, he found Henry slumped over his desk, considerably paler than usual and drenched in sweat. Then Wally stumbled past, equally pale and sweaty, and vomited into one of his mop buckets. Sammy fought the urge to grin in self-satisfaction. His friends were sick. This wasn’t the time for him to gloat. But he couldn’t help himself.

“I hate to say I told you so, but-” He was cut off by Wally throwing up loudly and messily. Sammy took a step back. Well...He’d gotten his point across.

“The egg...betrayed me, Sammy,” Henry whimpered. 

“You’re an idiot, Stein.” Sammy sighed. 

.

Despite this disastrous incident, Wally continued to attempt to cook eggs on the sidewalk. A few days after Henry’s departure from the studio, Sammy found Wally outside again, sadly poking at an egg he’d cracked on the sidewalk.

“It’s not the same without him,” he mumbled.

“Didn’t you learn anything from the last time?” Sammy asked, starting toward him. “You’re going to get sick-”

“Maybe I won’t this time!” Wally snapped back, his face starting to get red and blotchy as tears sprung up in his eyes. “Henry probably took all the salmonella with him when he hecking LEFT US!” He sniffed loudly, snot starting to leak from his nose. 

Wally was ugly when he cried. Very ugly. He had the sort of crying face that made you both uncomfortable and want to comfort him. Wally had been crying a lot since Henry had left. Sammy couldn’t help but feel awful seeing him like this. Wally was always so bright and cheerful. It felt wrong for him to be so distraught. 

“...Maybe you’re right,” Sammy conceded after a moment. “Look, I’ll...I’ll eat them with you.” Internally, he was kicking himself. He was absolutely going to get sick from this. But the way Wally’s face brightened made him feel better about the Hell he was about to endure. 

“You’re gonna love ‘em! They’re really good!” Wally said as he scooped up the barely cooked egg and presented it to Sammy on a paper plate from the break room.

“It smells...great...” Sammy gritted his teeth and tried to will away the vomit rising in his throat. He gingerly took the plate from Wally, staring down at the runny yellow mess. 

“Should I eat it with my hands?” He asked, poking at it with his finger. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Wally nodded. He watched Sammy expectantly with the air of a puppy who’d just done a good thing. 

“Okay...” Sammy took a deep breath, sliding it into his mouth. It was even worse than he’d expected. How Henry and Wally had managed to eat this without trouble was beyond him. 

“See? It’s good, right?” Wally smiled wider. 

“Mm-hm.” Tears were springing up in Sammy’s eyes. It was just so awful. But he couldn’t make Wally sad. Not after coming so far. He managed to choke it down, although keeping it down proved a challenge. 

He felt sick for most of the day, trying desperately to keep himself from emptying the contents of his stomach. He did end up throwing the eggs back up halfway through the day, though. On his way back from this, he ran into Joey in the hallway. Sammy wasn’t really in the mood to talk, but Joey stopped him anyway. 

“Were you eating eggs off the sidewalk today?” He asked, putting a hand on Sammy’s shoulder. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sammy replied. He didn’t know how Joey had found out and he didn’t care. He felt like fucking death. 

“Why didn’t you offer me any?” 

“Excuse me?” Sammy blinked, absolutely certain he’d heard wrong. But, no, Joey looked...genuinely hurt he hadn’t shared the sidewalk eggs with him. Of fucking course he was. 

“Hey, Franks?” Sammy yelled over his shoulder, trying to suppress the vomit rising up as he raised his voice. “Joey wants some of your eggs!”

“Aw, gee! Really?” Wally stuck his head inside, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Yes, of course!” Joey said, as though half-cooked eggs that tasted like asphalt and dirt was a perfectly normal thing to want. 

“You’re all fucking losers,” Shawn scoffed, striding up from the Toy Department. “I could eat 50 of those things!”

Shawn didn’t come in for two weeks after that, and the next day Sammy, Joey, and Wally were sick as dogs. 

Sammy ended up vomiting into one of his prized violins. His favorite violin. Once he wasn’t in any danger of throwing up again, he took it to a music shop and begged the owner to find some way to restore it. She’d given him a look, but took his money and told him to come back later. He threw up again when he got back to the studio.

Upon coming in and finding Joey, Sammy, and Wally all throwing up into whatever receptacle they could find, Norman knew exactly what had happened.

“Sidewalk eggs again?” He asked, leaning over Sammy. 

“Yeah.” Sammy managed to groan out before violently vomiting into the trashcan he was hunched over. 

“You want some sometime, Norman?” Wally asked from a few feet away where he too was hunched over a trashcan. 

“Um, I’m allergic.” Norman smiled politely. “No thanks.”

“I saw you eating an omelet the other day you fucking liar,” Sammy hissed, clutching the trashcan tighter. Norman vanished as quickly as he could.

When Shawn returned from his 2-week sick leave, he proclaimed that the sidewalk eggs had changed him.

“I’m never gonna eat another egg again,” he said. “Hell, I don’t even wanna see another egg!”

A moment later, with perfect comedic timing, Wally walked up to Shawn.

“Hey, wanna go cook eggs on the sidewalk-” He was cut off by Shawn screaming at the top of his lungs and running away.

Sidewalk eggs were officially banned from the studio after that and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when summer ended and it was no longer hot enough for egg cooking.

.

The legend of the sidewalk eggs didn’t die, though. 

30 years later, sitting in the safehouse with Sammy, Henry found himself longing once more for Wally’s sidewalk eggs. Especially since all he really had to eat was stale bacon soup. 

“Man, I really miss those sidewalk eggs,” he sighed to himself as he stared into his soup can. Sammy looked up from his own can, staring at Henry as though his friend had just gone crazy.

“What?” Henry got a bit defensive. “They were good.”

“Henry, I say this with great love.” Sammy reached out and put a hand on Henry’s shoulder. “You’re a fucking disgusting little man. Those eggs were the worst thing I ever ate.”

“They were better than this,” Henry insisted, shaking his empty can. “I would take a thousand sidewalk eggs over one more can of bacon soup any day.”

It was at that point that Sammy’s brain seemed to blue-screen and Henry had to change the subject to get Sammy back to normal. He kept bringing up the sidewalk eggs, though, much to Sammy’s growing annoyance.

In fact, Henry brought up the sidewalk eggs so much that Sammy eventually snapped. 

“Those sidewalk eggs-” Henry began, only for Sammy to grab him by his lapels and slam him against the wall. It was actually kind of hot, but Henry tried not to focus on that. A demonic hell-studio wasn’t exactly the best time for being horny.

“Stein, if you say ‘sidewalk eggs’ one more time fucking time I’m shutting you out of the Miracle Station the next time the Ink Demon comes prowling,” Sammy growled, his face inches from Henry’s. 

Henry stared at him. Then, ever so slowly, he smiled. 

“Sidewalk eggs,” he whispered. Sammy muttered some curse and let go, throwing up his hands. 

There was a reason Henry didn’t take Sammy’s threat seriously. Sammy had been particularly snippy due to being trapped in the studio, lashing out in anger more than once. This had to be another one of his empty threats brought on by stress. 

But Sammy had been completely serious. 

And the next time the Ink Demon came around, Henry found himself pounding on the door of the Miracle Station, the heartbeat of the Ink Demon coming ever closer as Sammy casually smoked a cigarette from inside.

“SAMMY COME ON PLEASE! I SAID I WAS SORRY!” Henry wailed as he banged frantically against the door. 

Sammy took a long drag from his cigarette, taking his sweet time and blowing out a cloud of smoke. 

“Those eggs made me throw up in my favorite violin,” he said, holding Henry’s gaze. “It was an antique, Stein. An antique.” 

He did eventually let Henry in because he didn’t actually want his friend to die.

“I fucking hate you so much,” Henry grumbled, sounding more like an upset child than a 50-something man. 

“I did warn you.” Sammy gave him a smirk. 

They stayed in the Miracle Station until the Ink Demon finally left. As they started to get out, Henry, still a bit bitter, muttered under his breath,

“Sidewalk eggs.” 

He hadn’t expected Sammy to hear him.

However, Sammy had heard him and responded by shoving Henry back into the Miracle Station, locking it, and leaving. It was an hour before he came back to let Henry out. 

The sidewalk eggs were not mentioned again.

[hallowtide]

What are the best ways to help with ADHD/ADD?

Answered on Quora by Iris Crain on July 30th, 2019.

https://qr.ae/TWvd59

I can answer you from the perspective of someone with Adult ADHD that started in childhood, mother of three with ADHD, and now at least three of my grandchildren are diagnosed…

First, you need to *understand* us. Our brains are literally wired differently. They’re calling it “Neural diversity” now, which I like because it really is just thinking differently, not so much like we’re crippled by some ‘disorder.’ But life for us is like having 35 tabs open in your browser, all on different topics across several genres, and knowing exactly how each one corralates to the others (I actually do this a lot, boggles my husband’s mind.) It’s like having five different radio stations going all at once in our heads, rock, talk radio, news, classical and reggae.

And we really want to be understood. The biggest issues in relationships is when we feel the other person doesn’t understand us and we feel alone. My son had an issue over 20 years ago where he was being defiant in the principal’s office in the presence of a police officer. When I walked in, the cop was unclasping his handcuffs to take him to Juvenille hall. I sat in a child-sized chair in front of my son and said “So, what’s going on?” After 10 mins of being heard, he was calm and understood that his response to the situation was inappropriate (although I took issue because he was being bullied) and the officer said he’d never seen anyone so effectively handle an ADHD kid that wound up. I replied “All he wanted was for his feelings to be heard and understood.”

We feel very deeply. We seem to get our feelings hurt pretty easily. Because we attach to the things that get our attention accutely, when they’re taken from us or otherwise destroyed, we feel like we’re being hurt. We’re often told we talk too much, because we want others to understand and feel things as muc has we do. And we don’t understand why people can go through life without feeling things like we do.

We’re not stupid. I was tested and have a 167 IQ. And yet I forget simple things like remembering to set my alarm the night before so I make an appointment, or what I had for dinner last night. I can hear a song and tell you the song title, band name, and usually the album name, what the album cover looked like, the track, the lead singer, and often a bit of other trivia about the song, band or album. My husband calls me his “own personal ‘Behind the Music’.” Yet many ADHD kids grow up to be adults with a lot of self esteem issues from being called lazy, stupid, crazy, spoiled or weird. They often have PTSD (and some like me have actual physical scars) from bullying, poor grades because they just don’t think like the other kids, and a high suicide rate.

We move at a very fast pace. We thrive in situations were we can apply what we know and are good at in a focused manner. My ADHD son would be so into a video game he wouldn’t notice his bathroom urges and wet his pants as a teenager. If I’m working on an important project or event, I typically spend the last two weeks before the event in what my kids call “pre event psychosis” where I get almost zero sleep, only face-planting my keyboard for 15 mins at a time, with little side effects. My husband says he marvels at everything I do out-of-sight until he notices them or I bring them up. My grandparents used to call it “running circles around them” (sometimes literally.)

We want to be helpful, and involved. We forget that people might not want our help, beause we’re so busy butting in trying to join in. We have so many ideas how you can improve what you’re doing that we don’t understand why you’re comfortable doing things the same way every time. Or by yourself. Or it’s not the best/fastest/most fun way possible. We don’t understand why people say “go away, I’ll do it myself” or “I don’t want your help.”

We’re easily distracted. Scatter-brained. Forgetful. Spastic. For example the other day I was sitting at my desk writing a fiction story on my computer, fixing a USB charging cord, making a short grocery list, organizing my top desk drawer and talking to people in the room, all at the same time. I also fed the fish on my desk, and periodically swapped out the page of the document I was scanning into my computer. What most people don’t understand is that ADHD people can actually do that, and we’re usually good at it. We will also have a thousand and one unfinished projects.

We need different coping mechanisms. For some ADHD people, they need quiet to function, to keep the distractions limited. Me, I like to listen to music, preferably non-lyrical like “handpan” music or binural tones. Something with energy. I put headphones on and five hours later I have the outline of a small novel (and sometimes that’s bad, because it started as a simple reply on facebook that went WAY out of control!!) However, if my husband can’t find something in the fridge, without looking up from my computer I can say “second shelf, towards the back, under the sour cream behind the mayo.” And my office area that looks so cluttered and disorganized? I know what and where everything is, so please don’t move anything.

Yet we’re visionary too! Some of the best writers, philosophers and scientists were or are ADHD. We think outside the box so much, we forget to think *inside* the box, and “Neuraltypical” people don’t have a reference in normal thinking to understand what we’re talking about. It’s not anyone’s fault, we literaly have a different perspective on the world. We can imagine all the “what ifs” in the universe (which can challenge even the most patient parent.) But we’re usually very good problem solvers, inventors and creators.

We get easily frustrated. Because we move at such a fast pace, we have trouble learning the rest of the world dosen’t manifest things as fast as we’d like. We want to be instant Mozarts and Wozniaks, we want the paint to dry faster, we want our TV show to come on now, we want to arrive at our destination as soon as we pull out of the driveway (are we there yet?) We can be pushy and demanding beause we want things to go at our speed. And if we grasp a concept, we want to move on to the next step, whether the people around us are on the same page or not.

We also have trouble slowing down, which is why things like belly breathing, grounding and centering, meditation, yoga, martial arts or even simple playtime in the bath can improve our mood and behavior rather impressively. Learning to do these things is hard for us though…

We get easily depressed. The problem with moving fast in a slower paced world is that we get disapointed on a regular basis. We’re different, and a lot of ADHD people describe feeling like a “Stranger in a Strange Land” (good book by the way…) With all the expectations we have of ourselves and our world, and the disapointment from them, people with ADHD have some of the highest rates of mental health disorders and suicidal ideation overall. (It’s also why learning how to adjust one’s perspective and let go of expectations and live in the now is so theraputic for us.)

Our brains specialize. Much like a savant, we’re usually really good at something, but lackluster at most of the other things around us. When we fixate on a topic or field, it’s one of the few times that we are able to shut out the distractions, and so we excel at that thing. The drawback is that it’s also really hard to get interested in anything else. If we’re good at math in school, we don’t hear the bell ring ending the class, we get distracted at our locker looking *one more time* at those equasions, and we miss 90% of everything the next four teachers talk about because in our head we’re seeing numbers and fractions and sums. (As you can tell, mine was English class, adding sociology in college.)

The best way you can help us is to understand us. Be patient. Be kind. Don’t get angry when we try to help. Or when we don’t remember. Learn more about how we think and approach us from our perspective once in a while. Help us set up the structures, reminders and mechanisms that help us function. Or at least try not to throw us off-track if we’re doing good.

For kids, give them lots of stuff to do, but make sure it’s something that catches their interest. Don’t be surprised when that interest changes overnight. Learn the concept of a “teaching moment.” In those moments, you have their attention - use it to teach them why the situation is good or bad. Don’t nag about the failures or differences as much as recognizing and praising the successes. ADHD people have so many little failures throughout the day that praising us for a success goes a log way.

Realize they are mini adrenaline junkies! My daughter’s teacher realized she needed to be evaluated at seven when, instead of going around the table like most her peers at that age would, to get a marker she wanted she not only went across the table for it, but she did so standing, not crawling, and didn’t understand why it was such an issue. I loved to climb trees, big tall pine trees, all the way where I could touch the top, despite it swaying from my weight, or my mother’s terrified screams.

Make them learn to read, without it they will have trouble finding coping mechanisms because neuraltypical people don’t think like they do, but in the myriad of universes and galaxies in stories they can find descriptions of things that their minds will connect with.

And it goes without saying I hope that most of all, we’re human. We deserve the same love and respect you would give anyone else. And if you do, you’ll find no better or more loyal helpers in all of society. Just let us be us.

[zdbztumble]

“Kingdom Hearts II” revisited, Part VII

Little things can have a big impact, and a Twilight Town emptied of any signs of life makes for a very effective and foreboding beginning to the final legs of KH II. The continuation of the mystery surrounding Riku - or, more specifically, what King Mickey knows about Riku and why he won’t reveal it - is continued in a satisfying manner as well. That makes for another good point of comparison with later entries in the series; something like the return of Repliku in KH III, for example. That was thrown into the series more than a decade after that character’s supposed death, is only referenced when absolutely demanded by the plot, ends abruptly, and doesn’t have any logical - or narratively satisfying - continuity with what became of Repliku in R/R. By contrast, Riku and Mickey’s history in KH II was begun in the game immediately preceding this one and, while very much in the background, is referred to in big and small ways throughout the play time. 

(Revisiting Twilight Town also has a great gag, with Sora and his friends incredulous at the deductions made by Hayner and his friends. Just because they happen to be right doesn’t mean they make sense.)

Once we start in on the road to The World That Never Was, however...my feelings start to get mixed.

I’ve learned over the course of this playthrough that Axel was originally meant to die at Roxas’s hands during the prologue of the game. As much as I don’t like Axel - and let me reiterate that I really don’t like Axel - I can’t regret the decision to keep around past that point, for reasons I’ll get into shortly. And wrapping Axel’s story up by way of a noble sacrifice, if a bit cliche, isn’t a terrible idea. But it is a more rushed and arbitrary sequence than I remember, with Axel’s appearance - and his decision to kill himself - just happening, without a strong motive. While it pains me to say this, more cutscenes with Axel - particularly concerning Kairi’s escape from him - would have done this moment a favor. Despite all that, I think this is more successful than not as an ending for Axel...one that should have been permanent. 

(And did no one on staff remember the line “he was the only one I liked” when they decided to start working toward an Axel/Saix bromance?)

The return of Roxas leaves me with similarly mixed feelings. I like how cold and predatory Roxas’s attitude is - it’s a strong contrast with Sora, and indeed with Roxas as he appears in the prologue. I’ll once again save more detailed thoughts about Roxas for another day, so let’s just say for now I think that attitude speaks to why Roxas being subsumed into Sora is appropriate. But there is a big problem with this sequence: it’s only a cutscene. That this wasn’t a playable battle right out of the gate, given how pivotal a moment it is, is ridiculous, and if Final Mix did nothing else right, it fixed this huge mistake.

(And if you have Oathkeeper equipped at the time - as I always do, in any game that offers it, from the time I receive it - that cutscene is a little strange to watch.)

Stepping into the castle unloads a lot of story, for how (relatively) quickly it goes by, so it’s inevitable that there will be highlights and low points. Namine and Kairi finally meeting, and teaming up to escape, manages to be both. That the moment happens at all is wonderful, and both girls being prepared to fight Saix, unarmed if they have to, is a good touch. But these scenes take the old adage of “leave them wanting more” to an extreme, because we’re given only the barest of bones for what Kairi and Namine’s interaction could have been. Add in the fact that Namine’s origins, and the closest thing to an explanation for why she starts to fade from existence, are relegated to Ansem’s reports, and it’s very hard not to feel that she was cheated in the writing. She and Kairi were certainly cheated by the animators; their run cycle looks ridiculous. On the other hand, Kairi pulling back Riku’s hood is touching, and makes for a good reveal of an identity that most players would have figured out by this point, but is no less satisfying for that.

Every scene with Ansem the Wise in this game just reminds me all over again how incredible Sir Christopher Lee was, and how ridiculous they were to recast while he was still alive. The reveal for Ansem (another identity that should have been obvious by now) is well-handled, and he makes for an unlikely but effective partner for Mickey Mouse to bounce off of. But too much of Ansem’s story - his key turning points as a character - is left for the reports, and for his monologues. And the backstory given in that scene, and those reports, seems to be at odds with both the beginning of KH II and the events of R/R. Ansem speaks of Riku as though the two of them were working together, with knowledge of the other’s identity, for a long time, and yet the dialogue in their scenes in the prologue suggests that DiZ, at least, isn’t sure exactly who his cloaked ally is. And Riku leaving King Mickey because “Xehanort’s Heartless was still inside his heart, troubling him” seems to negate the growth Riku had in R/R. Just having Riku and Mickey get separated involuntarily would’ve been fine, I think.

I didn’t remember KH II vanilla engaging in any sequel baiting outside of the secret ending, but there is at least one line of dialogue that does so: “you don’t look like half the hero the others were.” Compared to later entries in the series, it’s a minor and innocuous tease, and if this were the end of the series, one could always justify it by assuming Xigbar was referring to the unnamed and distant Keyblade wielders that Triton alluded to in KH I. The scenes surrounding the boss battle with Xigbar are largely solid, with a fantastic reintroduction for Maleficent, great material for Kairi, and a pretty fun fight in its own right. Sora and Kairi finally reuniting is a very sweet moment - not just in the scene itself, where they embrace, but in the little details following. Kairi’s dialogue box remarking on how Sora kept her charm comes to mind (and made me doubly happy that I stick with Oathkeepr.) Kairi being the one to bring Sora and Riku back together is a wonderful idea too, though I’m one of those people who finds Sora’s reaction a little forced. I wouldn’t say it’s any more overdone than, say, the fake-out with Goofy in Hollow Bastion, but it is a bit much.

Where this section of TWTNW starts to slip up a bit is in its determination to keep the player from ever having Sora, Riku, and Kairi together in a party. How and why various characters don’t fight alongside Sora in this game is often arbitrary, and I think it’s probably impossible to avoid a few forced choices in a game this long, but it really is absurd to never put that trio together for a battle. If you check in with Kairi whenever there’s a chance to pull up dialogue boxes, you’ll get lines that all say more or less the same thing: she wants to be involved in the action from now on and be at Sora’s side in danger. This is why she’s a character that I get upset for, rather than at, because the writers take the pains to establish her as someone with the desire and the will to be an active participant in the adventure (and, apparently, the ability - she gets the hang of that Keyblade pretty quickly), and then force these circumstances that deny her the opportunity.

Having said that, the two boss battles leading up to Xemnas are...what they are. I can’t say there’s anything wrong with them, but they aren’t my favorites. To the extent that I have memories of Luxord from the first time I played this game, I’m pretty sure I disliked him, just for how hard I found it to get the timing right on his games. Saix is a fair challenge, but a little tedious IMO. His fight also leads into one of the most ridiculous moments for Sora in the game - his not remembering that he became a Heartless. Y’know, that pivotal moment in the first game, the choice he made himself for the sake of others that he was then rescued from by Kairi, and discussed with her after the fact as solemnly as two young teenagers could. Anybody could forget that.

But those fights, and the Organization’s graveyard, do bring me back to why I’m glad Axel wasn’t killed off early. Because this is the point in the game where I realized, back in the day, that Organization XIII is kind of pathetic. And I don’t mean that as a point against them as villains, or against the game. What I mean is - if you ignore the bullshit pulled by DDD and just take KH II on its own terms, the Organizers are ultimately little more than glorified Dusks, devoid of real emotions or conscience, aware of everything they’ve lost along with their hearts but careless towards the suffering they cause in an effort to reclaim those hearts that is, in the end, futile. The members’ own self-serving and predatory natures damages the Organization almost as much as the efforts of the heroes, and by the time Sora appears to clean up the mess, the Organization is already on its last legs. Axel’s attempts to get Roxas back by baiting Sora with Kairi - a ridiculous and ill-thought plan - is the whole Organization writ small, and offers a good preview for their own fate. And it’s another reason why I never wanted or needed more information about any of the Organizers as individuals than what we got. Going just off of KH II (and CoM), there wasn’t much left to any of them, and that seemed part of the point.

That Organization XIII is such a hollow, empty, and doomed shell gives the villains some pathos - a more earned degree of pathos than DDD and KH III would attempt to provide them - but it also means that the heavy-handedness of Xemnas’s dialogue isn’t necessary. A fair amount of what he was saying is self-evident. I also find it bothersome that no one calls him out on exactly what the Organization’s plan was, and that the person who gets the closest is Riku - not Sora, the character who had a much less wordy but far more impactful verbal exchange with Ansem SoD in the last game that expressed the contrast between knowledge and wisdom beautifully. That can’t be said for KH II; as I said, that bit of dialogue before the first Xemnas fight, and Xemnas’s conversation with Ansem are over-written. But they aren’t terrible either.

The events leading up to that first fight with Xemnas have many great moments. The image of Nobodies dancing in a shower of hearts is genuinely creepy. Ansem’s farewell to King Mickey is touching, and offers yet another effective character sacrifice that should have been permanent. And the final scene for Maleficent and Pete is fantastic. But Riku seems to be treated by the game - certainly by Ansem the Wise - as the group leader once he gets his body back, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. He was a crucial figure “behind the scenes,” as it were, in reviving Sora and sounding alarm bells. But Sora is the one who’s at the point of action, rescuing worlds from Heartless and Nobodies, and taking out the majority of Organization members. He’s the one who’s been used by the Organization to do their dirty work, the one who fought his way to the castle to save the others and, not unimportantly, the one we play as throughout the entire game. He’s also arguably the person most owed an explanation for what happened over the past year. I can’t necessarily fault KH II for that - it isn’t as though they have time to sit down and regale him with details about the events of CoM. It’s more a failing of later games that he never gets appraised. But that he, and everyone else, just seem to fall in line, and that Riku’s the one who knows what to do (not that it isn’t obvious)...I just don’t know.

I left off right before stepping into the final door, so this playthrough’s not over yet. But next time, we won’t be looking at the finale of KH II, or finally getting into my assessment of Roxas. There’s a Final Mix out there for this game I’ve never gotten to play, and it’s about time I took a look at everything they added...

[letsdesignbrostuff-blog]

What was the Best Graphic Design Software in 2019

The graphic design process requires software tools that can provide solutions to real-time design problems. Ranging from free tools for a beginner designer to paid ones for a pro, you can find all sorts of tools to suit your design niche. If you are in need of any kind of design, a placeholder will do, but for anything beyond that you will simply have to dig deep to find the exact design software that fits your needs. From simple to complex and free to paid, here are some examples of the best graphic design software in 2019.

1) Adobe Illustrator CC

Image source: Digital Arts Online This program is Adobe’s flagship product, perhaps even more so than Photoshop. With hundreds of useful and imaginative options available, Adobe Illustrator allows you to create perfection down to the very last vector of every image. In fact, Adobe Illustrator is considered to be the software that most professional graphic designers use to create high-quality and complex designs. The main focus of Adobe Illustrator is to create pictures from scratch or edit one of the stock photos from its built-in library. More importantly, Adobe Illustrator receives two major updates a year, offering 100 GB of cloud storage with the subscription. Why choose Adobe Illustrator? Adobe Illustrator is a great graphic design tool that doesn’t have a 100% compatibility with other software outside the Adobe software suite, a.k.a the “Creative Cloud”. While Adobe Illustrator is perfectly usable on its own, it truly shines when coupled with the rest of the Adobe graphic design tools. If you’re planning on using other Adobe tools or already are, definitely use Adobe Illustrator to maximize the compatibility synergy. Pros: Supreme precision Professional results Synergizes with other Adobe tools Cons: Subscription based, costing $20.99/month Not 100% compatible with non-Adobe products

2) Adobe Photoshop

Image source: FileInfo The classic and one of the most well-known graphic design software out there, Adobe Photoshop was initially created in 1988 and has been steadily improved since. The software mostly deals with raster images, which are those that are made using a pixel-based program or a digital camera. Professionals wanting a smooth blend of photorealistic elements would definitely want to pick Adobe Photoshop. The various intricate shadow and color manipulation options enables you to take any number of pictures, perfectly splice them together, and achieve something that looks completely real to the point that today, there’s even a verb created out of this which is “photoshopped”. Why choose Adobe Photoshop? The biggest advantage of Photoshop is in its wealth of options and how well they’re documented. Thanks to Photoshop’s popularity, there’s literally hundreds of tutorials and walkthroughs for any given option to help ease a newbie into becoming a graphic design pro. While there is still a learning curve, it’s easier than ever to get into Photoshop and become a pro at using it, which is considered to be a skill in its own right. Pros: Extremely well supported Most compatible graphic design software on the market Professional-quality results Intricate graphic design options Best suited for photorealistic (raster) images Cons: Subscription based, costing $20.99/month Requires some learning

3) Pixlr

Image source: Chrome Web Store In 2019, browsers have become better than ever before. They are versatile and have moderate hardware requirements, allowing them to do everything except graphic design; for that, you’ll also need to use something like Pixlr. Serving as an internet-based collection of graphic design tools, Pixlr allows anyone to jump right in and start creating wonderful graphic design content using only a browser or Pixlr app within seconds. From taking a screenshot to editing and downloading it, Pixlr covers all the basics of capturing photos and editing. Why choose Pixlr? The biggest advantages of Pixlr are the mobility and immediacy it affords. By using only a browser (or app for mobile devices), you can edit, save, and continue editing on the go whenever you’ve got a few minutes of spare time. Professional graphic designers tend to pack it for travel because they can’t work without their special hardware. Hence, Pixlr allows for a very convenient and lightweight work schedule that adapts to you. Advanced Pixlr editor costs $5/month but also reveals its biggest downside – the dearth of options in the free version of Pixlr. Pros: Low hardware and software requirements Free Beginner-friendly Cons: Not suitable for detailed, in-depth work

4) Sketch

Image source: PC Mag Some graphic design projects are so complicated that they require an entire team to complete. That’s where Sketch comes in. Focusing on collaborative solutions, Sketch allows an entire team to coordinate and stay up-to-date through innate Sketch tools while still being a highly competent program for graphic design. Why choose Sketch? In a large organization, it’s hard to keep track of who’s doing what and when. Using Sketch Libraries, the entire company can be on the same page, with designers having a consistent style and managers able to keep track of the progress and make sure everyone is synchronized. Even better, Sketch also works with Dropbox and GitHub. Pros: Contains collaborative tools Free trial Cons: Only available on Mac Not ideal for a single user

5) Inkscape

Image source: Techworld This is a free graphic design tool that can be used for vector-based images. Like other free solutions, it is supported by the community, often leaving you to scratch your head if you were to get stuck on it. If you have any questions, you are meant to engage with the community until you find the answer you were looking for. Inkscape is a welcome addition to the graphic design market, mainly because by using it, we support the idea of free software. It is free both in terms of it costing $0 and it not being constrained by anyone. Why choose Inkscape? Inkscape is an open source, meaning that everything surrounding its functionality is under public scrutiny. You could, in theory, check out the code used to create it and tweak it to your heart’s desire or make your own version of Inkscape and sell it for profit. There is no company lording over how you should use Inkscape – it truly is a free and flexible graphic design tool. The idea of building a community through joint effort is present in every aspect of Inkscape. In fact, users are even able to contribute to translations and write help articles for the program. Although Inkscape is close to being completely finished, it is still considered to be a program that has quite some bugs and quirks you’ll have to find workarounds for. Pros: Free Open source Has a community built around it Cons: Lack of professional support Still in beta as of October 2019

6) Apple Motion

Image source: Larry Jordan More and more static content is being woven together into animations and hosted on video platforms. In cases where you want to rehash and reuse static graphic design leftovers to create an animation, Apple Motion will be a suitable choice. Why choose Apple Motion? Animations and animated transitions are the forte of Apple Motion. The program is well-stocked with pre-made effects that make it easy for anyone to ‘drag & drop’ their way to glitzy and shiny animated content made out of scraps. Pros: User- and beginner-friendly In-depth controls for nuanced effects Cons: Only available on Mac

7) CorelDRAW

Image source: PC Mag Clean, professional, and detailed – those are the main attributes of CorelDRAW. Using the symmetrical drawing function, you can produce mirrored images of anything you draw and edit them however you see fit. From tiny details to massive projects, CorelDRAW does everything a professional graphic designer could ever want a software to do. However, learning how to handle the wealth of options it offers is another challenge for a beginner graphic designer. Why choose CorelDRAW? CorelDRAW is an extraordinary tool with a price to match it. If you’re designing the most intricate and complex graphic designs out there, CorelDRAW is truly one of the best and most reliable software solutions to use. For everything else, there are cheaper and more accessibles programs out there that will do the job just fine. Pros: Interface compatible with touch devices Scalable graphics engine allows adding tiny details to massive projects Produces results of professional quality Cons: Price Steep learning curve

8) Affinity Designer

Image source: AppKed Affinity Designer is a graphic design tool capable of producing designs of sublime quality. You can zoom in and out to your desire, allowing you to screen the details or take a look at the larger image. From miniature designs to massive projects, Affinity Designer can handle it all, provided that you have the hardware to match. Why choose Affinity Designer? Affinity Designer excels at producing otherworldly, creative art that’s inspired by meditation and religious works. If you’re the type of designer that isn’t content with fiddling with stock photos, give Affinity Designer a spin and see what you end up with. Pros: Realistic shadow editing Layered editing One million percent zoom Cons: Hardware requirements

9) Canva

Image source: Canva If Pixlr is too complicated for you, luckily there’s Canva for you to use. With simple graphic design options, Canva isn’t meant to compete with the likes of Adobe Photoshop. However, it merely provides the bare minimum of utility for any user, even those with very little to no graphic design experience, wanting to start their own business or print out a graphic design without having to call anyone to walk them through it. Templates automate the design process even further and now graphic design is doable with just the simple use of a mouse. Why choose Canva? Canva has a clean, minimalistic interface and options to match. There’s not much depth in Canva but that’s actually perfect for senior users who might get flustered encountering the wealth of editing options in a more professional editor. Pros: Perfect for layman users Free Cons: Requires an internet connection

10) Adobe InDesign

Image source: All PC World This is another one of Adobe’s products with the same monthly subscription but a slightly different toolset. It is mainly used for print and publishing design, such as books or any other document that contains multiple pages. The interface is balanced and smartly adjusts to the user’s needs, providing them with contextual information on the go. Plus, the main benefit of Adobe InDesign is that it provides a comprehensive overview of the project, allowing you to troubleshoot problems before you send the file off for printing. Just like with all other Adobe products, you will be nudged towards buying as many other Creative Cloud programs as possible since they all coordinate seamlessly. For example, it’s possible to get the entire Adobe font library within InDesign and then have specific fonts from it used across the entire project done in other Adobe software solutions. Why choose Adobe InDesign? Complex publishing graphic designs that have an intricate structure or layout will be those that will benefit from Adobe InDesign the most. The more different parts there are in the project, the more work there is to be done when changing anything. Thankfully, InDesign allows you to view the entire project at once to find out what should be changed and where. Changes and adjustments become a breeze when InDesign is involved. Pros: Integration with other Adobe products Huge font selection Overview and easy adjustment of the entire project Cons: Subscription based, costs $20.99/month Some features are still barebones

11) Xara Designer Pro X

Image source: Magix Different stages of design might require changes to be made to its parts or the entire project while still maintaining the color and font. Changing individual elements in the projects while keeping its integrity will require a special type of graphic design software, and this is where Xara Designer Pro X comes in. Xara Designer Pro X comes with over a million stock photos and templates. Why choose Xara Designer Pro X? This is one of those software products that attempt to be a single solution for all your graphic design needs, and when it comes to desktop publishing, Xara Design Pro X definitely succeeds. This is quite a capable tool that can equally handle both raster and vector images with ease. However, it can also output documents, images, or even entire HTML websites. Pros: Extensive templates library Available on Steam Cons: Pricey at $299 Windows only

12) Gravit Designer

Image source: Gravit Designer In some instances, you simply can’t do without Windows but that’s an operating system that does become oppressive after a while. The ideal graphic design software would thus allow you to skip and hop from one operating system to another as you please, maintaining all your projects in sync. Gravit is one such cross-platform graphic design solution meant for professionals. Why choose Gravit Designer? Precision vector tools in Gravit Designer make it a child’s play to make creative, dreamy designs out of any shapes and colors imaginable. You can create all the print and digital designs for a product from start to finish, including stationery and app UI. A neat feature of Gravit Designer is the ability to import an image and turn it into a set of fully editable vectors. Pros: Trial and free version Cross-platform Flexible vector editing options Cons: Subscription based, $49/year   Read the full article