#mrs claus and the evil elves

[airplanes924]

Books I've Read in 2024

Number 1

Mrs. Claus and the Evil Elves by Liz Ireland

[blogthefiresidechats]

Latest Book Haul!

I went to the book store today and came away with quite the book haul. I always leave with books in hand when I go to the book store but I really spent a pretty penny at the book store today. You can’t say that I don’t have anything to read at my house. If I get any more books, I’m probably going to have to buy more book cases. *sheepish grin* Synopsis: This House Is Haunted is a striking homage…

[meneatyoghurt]

Let's see how much I can remember of the longform from tonight before I go sleepy.

It was called Teddy Bears and Divorce (or the other way around?)

Sam was Santa and Luke an elf called Snowdrop. AJ was Mrs Claus who had cheated and was leaving to Barbados to be with her lover, Javier (naturally). There were some jokes about how the elves procrastinate in summer and early autumn then have to work hard later in the year, and how Luke had finally got tested for ADHD (congrats, Luke). The elves got their energy from eating the joy of Santa but he'd been sad for the past few months.

Tom was Krampus taking advantage of the instability at the north pole to ruin Christmas and do Krampusmas... I don't know if Tom actually said this word, possibly I made it up. He did some weird contortion shit, as he does. Luke was little krampus.

AJ as Mrs Claus was trying to fly to Barbados. Her passport was expired so she had to get new photos, and there were jokes about how it was a boring plot point. Tom appeared as Krampus in the photo booth, over AJ's shoulder (Mrs Claus didn't notice until the photos came out).

Luke and Sam as elves took Santa's sleigh to Barbados (Luke (Snowdrop) initially suggested they could fly by getting a passport via him sitting on Sam's shoulders and pretending to be a human - unfortunately that didn't happen but Sam got a handshake for his excellent idea instead).

In Barbados, the elves meet Javier (Tom). AJ comes in as Mrs Claus, there's talk of Krampus's evil deeds, plus Javier insists their relationship is casual.

Santa turns up. There was much chaos with Krampus tormenting everyone, Tom did an echoey mic thing a lot. There was a big fight/showdown but obviously the magic of Christmas won or something (I think... I'm a bit vague on the ending because I'm tired and had wine). Everyone sang All I Want For Christmas and it killed Krampus.

[imyourbratzdoll]

𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒚

🌚guardians of the moon masterlist🌚

summary - logan howlett (the easter bunny) gets turned into a real baby bunny by an enemy, and her name is morticia addams (pitch black)

warning - swearing, dirty thoughts.

the gif and headers I use aren't mine, the gang is back!!

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

“Turn me back, ya evil witch!” Logan screams in a high-pitched voice, throwing his fists toward the tall, mysterious black haired woman. His tiny bunny body hops up and down, moving closer to her until your hands swoop down and grab him, picking him up from the ground and holding him close to you. “Hey! Hey! Let me go! I can take her!” You scratch between his ears, causing his little legs to kick and his eyes to roll back. “S–stop, this is some witchcraft!” 

You giggle, shaking your head before looking up at the woman, giving her an innocent smile. “Hi! I’m Y/n or Mrs Claus! Who are you?” You ask with wonder, confused and slightly jealous of how beautiful this woman is. 

Morticia’s back straightens, and her eyes look you up and down before she gives you a slight smile. “Morticia, my dear. But many know me as Pitch Black.” You nod, subconsciously drooling at the slight of her red lips. “I see you know this… Pest?” 

“Hey! I’m no pest, you evil bitch!” Logan’s legs begin to kick again, fists waving in the air as he tries to punch. You cuddle him closer to you, placing a kiss on his head before looking back up at the woman and nodding to her question.

“Yes, this is Logan. He’s the Easter Bunny, but he, uh… He used to be bigger, I thought?” You look down at him, confused as to why he’s so tiny when not long ago he was large and splitting you open on his… Your legs squeeze together as you think back to that Easter, and you clear your throat, blinking the daze away from your eyes. “D–Did you do something?” 

Morticia nods, giving a soft smile. “Oh, yes. As I was saying, he’s a pest. I despise pests.” She waves his words off, no longer bothered to listen to his blabbering. “Why would someone as beautiful as you hang with this despicable creature?” Your cheeks heat up, choking on your saliva as the compliment slips from her lips so easily. 

Logan’s little eyes glared, his ears flopped, and his tiny fluffy white tail wiggled into your chest. You smile softly, continuing to scratch between his ears, unknowing of your husband and the elves entering the scene, standing to the sides. “Why, uh… Thank you, but he isn’t a despicable creature. He’s my friend, and I would really appreciate it if you turned him back.” You bat your eyelashes and pout, knowing that usually works on your men.

Morticia smirks. “Hmm, as cute as you are, my dear. I don’t think so. Goodbye.” She waves before disappearing in a cloud of black smoke, and Logan grumbles, hopping out of your arms and onto the ground.

“Great, fantastic. Now, I’m stuck like this.” Logan stands with his arms crossed, a grumpy look on his cute little face. You smile, cooing as you reach down and scratch his head, causing Logan’s eyes to roll back before he fights you off, swatting your hand away from him. “Okay! That’s enough!” 

Ari chuckles, looking down at his eldest friend. “Don’t worry, my friend. We will get you back to normal soon enough.” He walks over and wraps his arm around your waist, pressing a kiss onto the side of your head, watching with you as the elves stalk toward the tiny bunny. 

“Pfft. Why are you so fat?” Lee grumbles, challenging the bunny. The elves eyes widen, and Logan looks at Lee with a glare. “What? Just asking a valid question.” 

Logan hops toward him, puffing out his chest to the smaller man. “Why are you so fat?” Gasps can be heard from the other elves, watching with wide eyes as they wait for a fight to break out.

Steve pouts. “Well… I think he’s adorable.” He gives a little smile to Logan. “Now that you are little, w–would you want to play with us? We got these cool mopeds…” Steve bats his eyelashes, pouting until Logan grunts and gives in.

“Okay, fine! I’ll play with you guys!” Logan turns to Ari and glares. “You better find a way to reverse this!” He stalks off with the little elves following him with excitement.

You look up at your husband with a smile. “You aren’t going to do that immediately, are you?” 

Ari squeezes your side, looking down at you with a soft smile. “Of course not. I’m going to wait it out for a bit. The elves deserve someone new to play with.” 

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[number1spongebobfan]

Elf (number1spongebobfan's style)

Plot: An amnesiac evil genius believes himself to be one of Santa's elves. Sent by a kindly village elf, now Megamind has to travel to New York to find his real family.

Cast:

Megamind as Buddy (voice actor reference)

Ernest J. Keebler as Papa Elf

Santa Claus (Rankin Bass) as himself

Eustace Bagge (Courage the Cowardly Dog) as Walter Hobbs

Muriel Bagge (Courage the Cowardly Dog) as Emily Hobbs

Courage the Cowardly Dog as Michael Hobbs (I always seen Muriel and Eustace as Courage's parents, despite him being a dog lol)

Roxanne Ritchi (Megamind) as Jovie

Pearl Krabs (SpongeBob SquarePants) as Mr. Narwhal (I know Pearl is female, but they're both cetaceans so :P)

Grumpy (Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs) as Miles Finch (lol)

Sam the Snowman (Rankin Bass) as Leon the Snowman

Jeremy (The Secret of Nimh) as Artic Puffin

Lego Batman (The Lego Movie) as Gimbel's Manager

Template belongs to Michaelsar. I'm trying to find his Tumblr since he is on here, but I can't find it. If anyone would link me to his Tumblr so I could tag him, that would be great!

[greenwith-ivy]

@kurapikadoe this got away from me oopsie 🤭 i have no self control

hallmark christmas movie where santa falls in love with the princess of a made up european country

he runs into her on vacation and it turns out they knew each other at boarding school

the two of them volunteer at an animal shelter and have a lovely picnic and go swimming together

they finally kiss but santa draws back, wracked with guilt from cheating on mrs claus

he returns from vacation a week early and finds her in bed with one of the elves

there is screaming. everyone is angry and no one is right

santa returns to the princess. she comforts him while gazing sadly off into the distance

mrs claus and santa seek couples therapy. it’s by no means easy but they’re able to work through their issues and build a healthy and trusting relationship once more

they go to tell their lovers but find the princess and the elf already together

the movie ends with a huge christmas party and everyone is merry

there’s a post credits scene where the elf wants to meet her parents and make things official

hallmark christmas movie that’s a sequel to the last hallmark christmas movie where the princess is in an arranged marriage with the prince from their neighbouring land, made up european country version two

the castle is preparing for a royal wedding. the princess is being followed by no less than six people asking for her opinion but she ignores all of them

she bursts into the throne room to plead with her parents but instead of them she sees the best looking guy there is

he’s the prince shes supposed to marry. she runs back out of the throne room

the princess goes to see the elf and he comforts her as they gaze out the window together

she reveals that she’s known about this arranged marriage for years

the elf, betrayed, runs out and leaves the princess in tears

after a few hours they’ve both calmed down enough to have a civil conversation and they decide that actually they’re both fine with the princess marrying the prince and the elf being her side piece

with that decided she and the prince get to know each other and it turns out he’s the sweetest nicest guy ever

while reminiscing about their childhoods it turns out they knew each other at boarding school

the princess starts feeling guilty that she hasn’t told the prince about the elf yet

one of the prince’s hobbies is saving puppies from trees and he invites her to come with him sometime. she agrees, knowing it’s a good way to get him alone

she tries to tell him but right when she does he falls off the ladder into her arms and she can’t bring herself to ruin the moment

the prince is needed urgently back in his kingdom and they don’t know when they’ll see each other again

the princess tells him about the elf as he’s about to leave for the airport. he goes after telling her they weren’t meant to be

she tries to follow him but through a series of rather improbable events is unable to

santa comes to pay a surprise visit and the princess updates him with what’s happening. the two rush to the airport together

they go through security but the princess gets stopped because she forgot to take off some jewelry. knowing the clock is ticking she tells santa to go and find the prince quickly before his plane leaves

when the princess is finally through security she hurries to the prince’s gate and finds him and santa making out

they board the plane together and the princess returns to her castle, shocked

the elf finds out what happened and the two go tell her parents. it turns out they actually didn’t really care whether or not she married the prince it just would have been really awkward for them to back out of it at that point

she and the elf have a lovely wedding

post credit scene where the prince’s face has all sorts of dramatic lighting and santa behind him says that they both have their duties

hallmark christmas movie where the prince who used to be the sweetest nicest guy there was is now bitter and evil and he tries to invade the princess’s country

they’re able to defend themselves and force him out but not before he kills both of her parents

hallmark christmas movie where it’s the princess’s coronation

hallmark christmas movie where the princess is pregnant

hallmark christmas movie where one of the reindeer accidentally kills santa and the rest work together to take care of any witnesses because they don’t want to first one to lose his job

things spiral. mrs claus goes down swinging

elf blood is danganronpa pink

there are no survivors

hallmark christmas movie where there’s not enough christmas spirit

hallmark christmas movie where the princess’s baby is destined to be the next santa

he has to be born by christmas eve or otherwise billions of children are going to be sad come christmas morning

everyone is worried and they would do a c section but those haven’t been invented yet

the baby is born on time and successfully delivers presents to boys and girls all around the world

hallmark christmas movie where the elf has to go to the north pole to rebuild after the massacre and raise their son

hallmark christmas movie where i am shot in the head

there are no more hallmark christmas movies

[someheroescarryfloss]

TSCS Episode 5

Here thar be spoilers!  No tinfoil hat theories this time around, just a few thoughts about what I liked (and didn’t like).

So...First and foremost, Bernard is here!!!  And yes, they did address why he looks older.  The reason for that...well, let me backtrack a bit and say that it was great to see the character again, and David Krumholtz hasn’t lost his touch!  The sass is there, and something I never thought would happen, we actually got to hear him use a minor swear word.  That’s right, folks...they let Bernard say ‘Damn it’!  Which, to be honest, is in no way out of character, they just never let him do it before. XD

Elves having their own version of Rumspringa was a cool idea (the name Kribble-Krabble being somewhat less cool IMO), but...You know, I kind of wish they had said that Bernard chose to live in the human world and left it at that.  I would have liked it if things were left a bit more open-ended there.  And I’m sorry, but it just came off as weird to me that they would pair him up with Vanessa Redgrave as sort of a throw-away not-a-joke-but-a something.  But I choose to view the series as a separate entity from the movies, so I’ll take it as it is and leave it at that.  It was just great to see Bernard again, and now on to the Yule-Verse!

Now, this part I really liked!  I prefer the idea we fanfic writers had going (and can you blame us for jumping to that conclusion?) that all the Santas were human, and they all ended up with the job in different ways.  For Scott to be the first human Santa, and for Carol to be the first Mrs. Claus EVER because the other Santas wanted them to have kids that would inherit the North Pole was...well, it’s fine in theory.  But since Elves are apparently now ethereal beings whose very existence is tied to Christmas spirit (as if Elf myths hadn’t existed in some form or another for literally thousands of years), those kids would have to leave the North Pole to find spouses of their own in the future to keep it going.  And there doesn’t seem to be a plan in place for that.  These guys are just making it up as they go along!  Isn’t that dangerous to do when your very existence hangs in the balance? XD

So, apparently Elves just came into existence as they are.  No ageing unless they chose to leave, no childhoods, no parents...apparently they can get married (Noel and Betty)...but for Elves it’s just kids playing house and calling each other by pet names.  I mean, it’s cute, but at the same time, if they’re eternal and frozen as they are, why include it at all?  Yeah...I didn’t care for that one and I’ll be disregarding it in my own stories, lol.

Krampus was cool!  I didn’t expect him to just be that time period’s version of Santa, and I definitely didn’t expect him to be a pretty okay dude!  Not evil in any way, just kinda scary-looking.  Taking toys instead of giving them, maybe as a reflection of the times?  Eh...well, I mean, having every Santa reflect the time period he’s in sort of makes sense.  It’s a more kid-friendly idea than the actual myth of him being a Christmas demon that kidnaps naughty children!

Cal...buddy...that girl will never speak to you again.  I mean, she will because storyline, but IRL that would have been it.  Sorry, kiddo, but your crush thinks you’re nutso. :(  But I really want to see them resolve that happily!  

Having Cal and Sandra inherit magical powers from having been born and raised at the North Pole?  LOVED IT!  I love the idea that high concentrations of magic would have an influence on humans if they’re around it long enough!  I thought getting Butter the horse to fly simply by believing in himself fit in with the whole concept of ‘believing is seeing’ and it’s important to believe and so on...but I also hope that the parents out there will have a conversation with their kids!  

No, little Timmy, you can’t fly just because you believe you can.  Stay off the roof, don’t jump from the top of staircases, your superhero cape is cool but it’s also the blanket Mom and Dad brought you home from the hospital in, and if you jump, it’s back to the hospital you go!

And NOOO, Betty!  It’s both heartbreaking and a mercy that Noel just missed her!  If he was that much of a wreck when Santa merely wished to retire, imagine if he had walked in on that!  I’m really counting on things being set right in the next episode, and the ‘disappeared’ Elves popping back into existence when Christmas spirit is restored (OMG!  You disappeared Crouton!  You bundtcakes!).

Welp, I’m off to grab a supersized coffee and get ready for work, but I want to end this by saying that Gary is starting to grow on me with his gruff old man attitude and his Hershey’s Kiss tinfoil hat! XD

[buffyfan145]

Love that Dom (Merry) shared a meme in his Instagram stories today comparing what Santa and Sauron have in common and what they don’t!!! LOL :D I know this meme has been around for years but with it also saying Sauron is a “babygirl” and similar to us calling Charlie that (not to mention Dom playing one of my favorites as Charlie on LOST) seems more fitting now for me especially and wondering if this means Sauron wants Galadriel to be Mrs. Claus. LOL

For what the meme saying the things they share in common are: - Giver of Gifts,  Sees You, Is Coming to Town, Ancient, Teaches Elves How to Makes Things, Sneaky, Had Flying Servants, Bling Bling, and Mysterious

Not in Common: - Santa is benevolent, has a big beard, the whole ho ho ho jolly thing, has a sleigh - Sauron is cute, evil, a babygirl, and likes to slay

[moths-in-the-attic]

'Tis the Season by Andrea Readwolf and Kate Butler

Santa's Little Helpers

*Reeny*

It all started innocently enough. I know, I know, that seems very funny--me talking about innocence, and not doing anything wrong, but I mean it this time. Really, I do... Okay, um...Maybe I'm not all that innocent.

You see, each and every year, Harbor Elementary kids sign up to do nice things for poor people during the holiday season. And this year, me, Reeny--the new kid, the strange kid--got stuck with the one job that no one wanted. Playing Santa and his elves in a stupid Christmas pageant at the orphanage. And that was how it all started...

*Darien*

I was walking down the street, minding my own business, trying to think up the easiest way to avoid Serena and still make it to work on time. And that was when a young voice yelled out to me.

"Darien! Darien!"

I whirled around, not sure whether I would see a little pink-headed girl with an intent to claim me, or if I would have my blonde ex-girlfriend run up and beg me for her eternal forgiveness--Serena and Reeny sound so much alike sometimes, it's really, really frightening. But--and I sighed in relief at this--it was the former (Reeny), smiling up at me with those naively innocent red eyes that I so adore.

"How are you, Darien?" she asked in a sugary-sweet tone. That meant only one thing. She wanted something.

Crouching down, I smiled pleasantly at the child. "Hi, Teeny- Reeny. It's so nice to see you."

"Yeah, well...." Scuffing her little white shoes together, she stared at me. "Darien, will you help me with something?"

Ah, the kiss of death. "Uhh...what do I need to help you with?" If it involved Serena, the other Sailor Scouts, certain talking cats, or anything curry, I wasn't going to help.

Period.

As cranky as it sounds, it's true.

"All you have to do," she assured me sweetly, "is to dress up like Santa and then do a play with me." She sniffled softly. "Please?"

Me? In a play? I should have said no. But those big, cinnamon eyes...and that cute little button nose...not to mention her absolutely adorable pink meatball hair...

"Uh...sure..." I stammered, cursing cute children in general.

*Serena*

"Come on, Serena! Lighten up!"

I stuck out my tongue and proceeded to use Sailor Moon's death kick on Sailor Mars. "Ha ha!" I laughed triumphantly. "Three games in a row, Sammy! Beat THAT!"

Pouting, my younger brother turned off the video game and crossed his arms. "I don't want to play with you anymore!"

Sticking my nose into the air, I stood up and put my hands upon my hips--very smugly. I had been trying for weeks to beat him at that game. "You're just jealous!"

The reaction I got from Sammy was like rubbing salt in a large and open wound. "You're such a dweeb!" he shot back, standing and giving me the evil eye. "You wouldn't know true courage and power if it knocked you in your fat butt!"

Growling, I lowered my eyes dangerously. "Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Sammy shot back.

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

Just then, I became aware of someone tugging on my denim skirt. And, when I looked from my now angry brother and downward, an overwhelming urge to gag. "What do you want, spore?" I asked Reeny in what I supposed to be an annoyed tone.

She sniffled. "Can I talk to you about a...a school project?"

Like what? Toasting human brains? "Uh..." Chewing on my lower lip, I considered it. Sure, she was an incredibly evil little spawn, but she was cute...and near tears...

"What project, Reeny?" She grinned. I guess that I had given myself away that easily. I was trapped as soon as that cute little smile crossed her face and made its way to me.

Trapped.

Completely cornered.

"It's a play," she explained sweetly. "For school. At the orphanage. We need two elves, a Mrs. Claus, a Christmas angel, a sweet little girl, and an Ice Princess."

Some play. But I sighed and nodded slowly; after all, I was trapped. And, besides, don't you think that the Princess of the Moon would make a stunning Christmas angel?

*Amy*

"X equals the opposite of B, plus or minus the square root..." Trailing off, I chewed on the pencil eraser thoughtfully.

No, that couldn't be right.

As the sun shone down on me, I shivered a bit. Since I'm so attuned to ice and water, I forget too often where I am and what I am doing. In this instance, for example, I was doing my college-level algebra homework on the balcony... In below freezing temperatures.

Grabbing my books, I chided myself for such foolish behaviors. I may be a friend to all water, but that doesn't mean that I'm immune to hypothermia.

As I walked back into the apartment, I heard a knock at the door. This was an extremely unusual occurrence because the other Sailor Scouts rarely visit my at home. This does get lonely, but it is the truth. Opening the door a crack, I saw the familiar pink-haired child who--for some reason that I've yet to understand--has taken a shining to me. I let her in, smiling involuntarily. As much as some of us like to deny it, the child is instant sunshine.

"Hi, Amy!" announced Reeny, hugging my legs. "I'm happy to see you!"

A bit perplexed at the sudden embrace, I pulled away and went to find the cookies Lita had made for me. "Hello, Reeny," I greeted her, glad to have someone in the otherwise empty apartment. "What brings you all the way over here?"

Her face turned very serious. "Fate."

Fate? "An interesting answer from such a little girl," I informed her, furrowing my brow and handing her a cookie. "Do you need help?"

Well, it turned out she did. Something about a play for orphans, and she really needed a graceful and beautiful ice princess. I had quite an urge to turn her down and refuse all inclusion. I'm no actress, and I will not parade around, pretending to be one. However, I am the Princess of Mercury, and an Ice Princess by default. "Sure, Reeny," I sighed sweetly. "I'll do it."

*Raye*

"Sleigh bells--like--ring... Are ya listen'? In the--like-- lane... Snow's glistenin'... A totally beautiful sight, we're all happy ta-night... Walkin' in a winter--like--wonderland..."

As Chad sung his screwed-up version of "Winter Wonderland", I covered my ears and sighed miserably. Queen Beryl would have died at the sound of his beach-bum voice, but I...I, much stronger a person than that evil Queen... I screamed.

"STOP SINGING THAT STUPID SONG!!!"

There was momentary silence, and I let out a long, shuddering breath because of it. The quiet was so...so astounding... I wanted to cry out in sick, sick joy. And then, Chad called across the temple courtyard to me, his face twisted in an impish grin as he tightened some of the electric guitar strings.

"You don't like that song, Raye?" he asked me, a bit of evil echoing in his voice. "I'll sing a different one."

"No?" I attempted, my head still poking out of the living room door.

A chord was played, and Chad--the jerk--cleared his throat. "Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is-like—so delightful... And we ain't got no place ta go... Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."

Sliding the door shut angrily, I groaned. Why me? WHY ME? Here I am--talented, beautiful, and hand maiden to a blonde princess—and I'm stuck spending Christmas with Chad! Kill me now!

As I laid down on the couch and listened to the hard-rock version of "Let it Snow", the phone rang. I didn't want to--or feel like--answer it. Sighing in defeat, I listened to the machine.

"Hi, this is the Hino residence and Cherry Hill Temple. We're not answering the phone right now, so leave a message." There was an obnoxious beep as the incoming call connected with the tape recorder, and then... I heard a voice that I really didn't expect. After all, Serena's the one who usually leaves the annoying messages...

Stuff like "Hi, this is Serenity, and I think Endymion is sexy. Have a nice day!"... But this--this was unusual.

"Hey, Raye? This is Reeny. Uh...I was wondering if you'd like to play Mrs. Claus in this play we're putting on at school. Please?" I heard her sniffle, which was a patented way to convince me to cave in and join a cause.

I sighed and picked up the phone. "Reeny, this is Raye," I spoke into the receiver, drawing an elated yelp from the little girl. "Of course, I'll help."

She thanked me about sixty times and hung up.

As I put down the phone, I heard more silence, and I smiled. Then, it started again.

"Like--Deck them halls with lots a holly. Fa la la la la...la la, la la!"

"CHAD!"

*Lita*

I didn't see it coming--yes, I am complaining, because I am extremely upset--but I didn't FREAKING see it coming!

Mina's mom and dad were out of town for Christmas, so I had offered to come and stay over at her place for a couple of days. You know, twenty-four hour girl talk with all the fringe--and fridge-- benefits. So, anyway, we were setting up the tree when the doorbell rang and Artemis, bless his furry soul, decided to check the door for us while I wrestled with the lights from hell and while Mina sorted the sea of old ornaments. He came back with a frightened look on his white face.

"It's Reeny," the cat announced to us.

Nearly tripping over a never-ending string of bright orange lights, I raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"You heard me," Artemis shot back, skidding to a halt before a large gold ball-shaped decoration. "And she wants to talk to you two."

"You answered the door?" inquired Mina, raising her eyebrows.

He made a face. "No, Mina," he told her, shaking his head. "I pretended to be your father and told her to hang on. So GO!"

Both jumping at the sudden exclamation, Mina and I made our way to the front door, not knowing what to expect.

*Mina*

We had no clue what to expect, as Lita said. Leading the little kid into my (messy) living room, I started to day-dream about what it could possibly be. A secret Scout spy mission? The return of Sailor V to network television? Time to get Darien and Serena back together? Or maybe, just maybe, little Reeny was a Sailor Soldier in training and THAT'S why...

Okay, I have got to cut down on the brownies. Remind me to hide Lita's recipe.

As we sat down on the couch, careful not to smash any Christmas lights, ornaments, or plates, Reeny sniffled a little. She was conning us into something. I knew it right then and there. She was up to know good! Yeah, well, I'm Sailor V! So there!

"I have this really important play to do for the orphanage," she told us sweetly, in a voice that was impossibly innocent. "And I need two actresses like you to play Christmas elves..."

"Actresses...like...US?" I stuttered, taken aback by the compliment.

Lita crossed her arms. "I will NOT play an elf!"

The girl nodded, pigtails bobbing. "Oh, Mina, you're such a great actress!" she grinned. "You make Sailor V look like a flake!"

I blushed a bit. "Really?"

"I will not be an elf!" repeated Lita, who was being ignored.

"Yep! You're great!" cooed Reeny.

I was in. Hands down.

*Lita*

Okay, I'm five-foot-FREAKING-six! I'm not an elf! How dare she? Who does she think she is, the little brat? I have half a mind to...

"I'd love to help you, sweetie," smiled Mina lovingly, patting the little head. "I can't wait to play an elf."

Damn. Mina had been conned into being an elf. That meant only one thing--I was next. I'm the...determined...Scout. And I was NOT letting Reeny get away with this.

"Lita?" she asked.

"No."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"It's for poor kids, Lita."

"I'll bake them cookies."

"What will I do without a second elf?"

"You play the elf." She was starting to get to me. I could feel it.

"I'm playing the cute little girl."

"Well, Mina can play the part of two elves."

"But the elves go on strike in the play."

"SO?" I knew that, if I didn't get my way soon, I was as good as gone.

"So, I need another elf."

"But, Reeny..."

She sighed sadly, as though my decision would make or break her entire life.

"Fine," I told her, pounding my fist on the coffee table. "I'll do it!"

She cheered, and I knew that this was going to be the worst choice I had ever...EVER...made.

(One Week Later)

*Reeny*

"I am the angel of Christmas, and I have come to take this little girl home to her family," Serena announced loudly, struggling with the cloth wings.

Raye growled as her apron fell off again. "But, Angel," she said in a sweet tone. "This little girl is actually an elf."

"An elf?" asked Mina and Lita in unison, going through the costume box and taking anything green out for their outfits.

"An elf," Darien assured us all, not looking up from his script.

I could tell that Serena's presence bothered him, and I felt bad. Really, I did. But it was the DAY before the PLAY, people! I couldn't change anything now! No one liked doing the play. Well, it started because I had hand-written the whole script, which Amy had deemed inappropriate... I didn't see what was so wrong with Mrs. Claus killing one of the elves in a blind rage. But Amy said that it had to be good for little kids. So much for ME being a little kid.

And then--though this was all my fault, I admit--we couldn't find any cute outfits in Lita's size. Every pair of elf pants were three sizes too short! She looked like a total idiot, and I blame it (mostly) on myself.

The problem, though, was solved when Darien went through his closet and found pants from when he was Peter Pan in the ninth grade. Then, Mina got a cold and lost her voice for three days. Enough said. So much for Santa's little helpers, eh?

"Yes, she is an elf. The daughter of the ice princess." Raye smiled and crossed her hands.

I waited for Amy to come out onto our make-shift stage, but she didn't.

Raye's smile turned into a frown. "I said, THE DAUGHTER OF THE ICE PRINCESS!"

No one appeared. Oh, dear.

*Amy*

I don't like this, and I don't want to be an actress. Humoring Reeny was great, don't get me wrong, but I just can't act. It's so...so...SO scary. Me, Sailor Mercury, scared to death. Yeah.

"The daughter of the Ice Princess."

I recognized my cue and sighed, sinking lower into the cushioned chair that I had taken up as a seat. It was nerve-wracking, really. I was not playing an ice princess. End of story.

*Raye*

"WHERE IS SHE?" I fumed, anger boiling within my veins. "WHERE IN HEAVEN'S NAME IS SHE? I'LL RIP HER THROAT OUT!"

Feeling one of Mina's hands on my shoulder, I took a very deep breath and cracked my knuckles.

"Sorry," I said in a slightly regretful tone. "I didn't want to over-react."

"But you did," pointed out Serena softly. "You really, really, really, REALLY--"

"Enough," I told her, rolling my eyes. "Can I go find Amy?"

Reeny stepped forward, a slight smile on her face. "You know what?" she inquired softly, with a thoughtful touch to her voice. "This is sort of my fault... It's my play and all..."

"No shit," I muttered unconsciously.

"Yeah, well, I'll make it better if you don't mind," she offered helpfully, running off before any of us could stop her.

Smart girl. I must say. She's a smart kid.

*Darien*

As I slumped into an empty chair, I sighed. There, just a few feet away, was my little meatball head... Giggling, laughing, and having a blast just being the Christmas angel she really was. What a person that Serena was. So sweet and loving... Nothing like I am right now.

What is a dream? A dream is just a night time vision, right? Then why do I let a dream stand in the way of happiness. If only I could hold my Serena, and tell her I loved her. That's a dream too, isn't it?

Reeny, the little imp, ran off to find Amy. Lita, clad in my Peter Pan pants and a too-small green tank top, is standing around with Mina, talking loudly about some boy. Serena and Raye are discussing manga... And then, there's me. Thrown into a chair, wearing a too-big Santa costume, staring blankly at a golden haired Princess when I should be studying my script and becoming a better Santa Claus. I can't have my angel. Merry Christmas indeed!

*Reeny*

I really wonder what's wrong with Amy. She's sitting in the dressing room all alone, a sad smile across her face. Her eyes are closed, so she doesn't see me. I sort of wish she'd look at me, because I think she's crying. My angle's bad, so I really can't tell right now. I think she's crying. Over my silly play? Come on! That couldn't be it.

"Amy?"

Tossing her head of blue hair to one side, she brings a hand to her face and I see it--a big blue tear falling into the palm of her hand. She was crying! Over me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, climbing into her lap. "I can see you're sad."

She blinked and smiled a bit. "I'm just not a very good actor, Reeny," she admitted to me.

I grinned. "You're bad?" I inquired. "Serena just reads off the script, and Mina prances around the stage like a brazen idiot." Sighing, I patted one of her hands. "But there's something about you that makes you a great ice princess."

She laughed at this. "I've always liked water, Reeny."

"Good!" I announced, jumping down and trying to pull her out of the seat. "Let's go, okay?"

*Amy*

Pure sunshine. Reeny can be a brat, and she has this very...sly...side to her, but the child is instant sunshine. She makes me want to cry, and then, she makes me want to smile. This whole "ice princess" thing... who cares? It's for children; it's for Christmas. It's for my little dose of sunshine.

You know, I've saved her life time and again, always wondering what was so special about that child. She's so sweet and brave, to go against the evil sisters and to attempt to find her mother and the Silver Crystal in a world she's so unfamiliar with.

"Okay," I agreed with a nod.

She took my hand, and I swore I felt it. Sunshine.

(The Next Day)

*Lita*

"ARGH!" Pulling on the little green skirt (to go over the skin-tight and too revealing pants), I groaned. It didn't fit anymore!

"Mina!" I yelled to my friend. "What did you make these skirts out of?"

"Cotton, 'the fabric of our wives'...no...how does that go?" She clasped her skirt and began pulling her expertly curled hair into tiny ringlets.

"Unwashed cotton?" I inquired, looking at her suspiciously.

She nodded. "Yeah, why?" she asked. "I didn't have time to wash the fabric, and then, I ran out of time to wash my skirt...Did you wash yours?"

Yes, Mina. THAT'S why the damn thing doesn't fit any more! Cursing my blonde friend, I cut one of the seams and made the skirt fit around my evil, evil hips. Stupid skirt. Stupid play. Stupid, stupid Reeny.

*Serena*

"Where are my wings?" I asked, looking through the costume box again. "I could have sworn I left them at the orphanage..."

Zipping up one of the two side-zippers to her blue gown, Amy looked doubtfully at me. "Didn't you take them home last night?" she inquired, tugging on the other zipper.

Oh, yeah, THOSE wings. Blushing, I gulped. "I don't suppose that you have a pair of white angel wings on you?"

Amy shook her head. Some help SHE was. "Oh, okay," I sighed, pulling out my white angel dress and slipping it on over my frilly pink slip. "Just checking..."

I was screwed.

*Darien*

"Ho ho ho..."

Looking around, I sighed. Reeny had finally left, leaving me to myself. "Ho ho, flipping ho..."

No Serena this Christmas. I was with her for HOW long in my past life? Then, I get back to this life, die AGAIN, and end up without her. All because of a dream. Are dreams really worth it?

Just then, there was a knock on the dressing room door, and Serena paraded in, fully clothed in her costume, except for the wings.

"Uh, hi," she grimaced, gulping. "Have you seen my wings?"

I thought she looked great, wings or not. The angel dress was a silky, white, tight thing, and it looked so very incredible, I almost drooled.

"Sorry...no..." I stammered, cracking my knuckles nervously. "Didn't you take them home?"

She nodded, closing the door slowly behind her.

Some Christmas.

*Mina*

I cleared throat and practiced the song over again. "Ho ho, freaking ho, what a crock of ick... We used to work for Santa, but we've had enough... We quit! Cause we do all the freaking work while he stars in the show... Shove your Christmas, go away, and ho ho freaking ho!"

Taking one last look at the script, I tossed it into the garbage can and smiled. There's a certain part of me that just comes alive at the mere thought of acting. It's amazing, really, to watch me when it's time to act. I get all jittery and excited, and there's this rush--like a super sugar high--that over comes me. And I live. I really, really, live. And this was show time.

*Raye*

As I struggled with the apron, I sighed. You know what? As much as I want to be a voice actress, a singer, and a dancer, I don't want to play Mrs. Claus in this play. Poor Serena had lost her wings. Lita's skirt fit wrong, which wasn't a big deal--it was to her, though. Darien was a mess because of his Princess' presence. Mina was wired for sound. Amy had overcome a case of stage fright, and Reeny was nowhere to be found.

I know, the spirit of Christmas is real. I've felt it; I really have. I've lived the spirit of Christmas. I've saved lives, defeated evil, and protected my Princess from all the silly things that we've had to fight. And now, it comes back to haunt me by making me play old Mrs. Santa Claus in a children's play. I hadn't signed up for this, but I was conned into it by a strange little girl. A girl who fell out of the sky and beamed the brains out of my best friend. A girl who has caused Darien to ditch his one and only girlfriend, Serena. But I really can't say I'd quit. Sometimes, no matter how much you hate something, you have to do it.

Even if it is for a strange little girl.

*Reeny*

Everything was perfect.

Well, okay, so I'm a good liar. Serena lost her wings, Darien was cranky, Lita's skirt had a slit in one of the seams because it was too tight otherwise, Mina was so excited that we had to lock her in a closet (literally), Amy—over her stage fright--was too busy practicing her part to notice all of us, Raye had developed a pessimistic outlook on the whole play thing...and then, there was me. Being the writer is never easy. I took this project because I had to. If I had known how much this would have affected each and every one of my friends, do you think I'd have gotten them to do this?

No way!

So, here I was... clad in a tiny, sky-blue dress, my waist length hair falling down to my shoulders before being caught in a big, loose braid, holding a fake candy cane in one hand and a script in the other.

"Santa's Little Helpers," I read aloud off the script. "Whether we mean well and fail, hope and pray for tomorrow, find our own ways out, wait for this moment all our lives, overcome ourselves, or realize the real reasoning behind things, that's us. The little helpers."

Walking out of her dressing room, Serena looked thoughtfully down at me with her big blue eyes. Reminded me of my mom. "You wrote that, Reeny?"

I nodded a little, smiling. "It's the beginning of the play. I put it on this copy so I wouldn't forget the most important part."

The rest of the actors--better known as my best friends--came up to me, ready to do one of the little things that made Christmas so very special and wonderful.

"Is there anything else?" asked Amy, referring to my words.

I smiled knowingly. "Christmas is about making someone else's life brighter, and this has made my life brighter. In a million ways... plus one."

I looked at each of my friends... Sweet Serena. Always caring, though cold, Darien. The genius, Amy. Our tough Lita. The bubbly, free-spirited Mina.

"Thank you all," I told them. "And merry Christmas."

*End.*

[blbergbooks]

Unraveling Santa's Secrets: The Dream Maker and the Candy Cane Revealed

In the enchanting world of holiday traditions and festive tales, few figures are as iconic and mysterious as Santa Claus. Renowned for his generosity and the joy he brings to millions of children worldwide, the jolly old man in the red suit has long been the subject of fascination. However, in the riveting novel, "The Dream Maker and the Candy Cane" by B.L. Berg, the veil is lifted, and the true identity of Santa Claus, also known as Nicholas, is unveiled, challenging conventional perceptions and weaving a narrative that is as captivating as it is unexpected.

At the heart of this extraordinary tale is Nicholas, the Dream Maker, whose name and backstory have been carefully concealed, leaving readers to explore the depth of his character and the intriguing world he inhabits. Berg takes readers on a journey beyond the North Pole, where the Christmas Spirit, portrayed as a wise, old cloud enveloped in an ethereal haze, plays a pivotal role. Far from the typical benevolent figure, the Spirit possesses a serene demeanor that belies a penchant for the occasional indulgence, setting the stage for exploring tradition intertwined with unexpected twists.

Contrary to popular belief, Berg's narrative unveils that the relationship between Santa and Mrs. Claus is not bound by matrimony. Instead, readers are invited to witness the complex dynamics within Santa's realm, where cherished artisans known as the Elves defy preconceived notions. Berg presents these magical beings with diverse appearances, shattering stereotypical depictions and adding depth to their characters.

In a surprising turn of events, Rudolph, the iconic beacon of the holiday season, finds himself lost amidst uncharted territories. The challenges faced by Santa Claus necessitate the presence of vigilant bodyguards, illustrating the evolving nature of his role in a changing world. Berg masterfully weaves these elements together, creating a narrative that breathes new life into familiar characters and situations.

Yet, it's not all whimsical and joyful in this extraordinary tale. Berg introduces teenagers as the veritable embodiment of a Christmas nightmare, injecting unpredictability into the cherished holiday season. These teenage characters emerge as unexpected catalysts, adding layers of complexity to the narrative and challenging the conventional perception of the holiday spirit.

Standing in stark opposition to Santa is Kram, an alluring figure whose handsomeness rivals that of the devil himself. Berg paints a vivid picture of Kram, introducing an antagonist that adds an intriguing layer of conflict to the story. Kram's presence raises questions about the nature of good and evil in a world where the lines between them are not always clearly defined.

"The Dream Maker and the Candy Cane" invites readers to delve into an extraordinary narrative where the familiar is imbued with extraordinary nuances. Berg skillfully unmasks legends, confronts the unexpected, and offers a Christmas tale unlike any other. As readers brace themselves for a journey that challenges their perceptions and ignites their imagination, they will find a tapestry of characters and events that redefine the magic of the holiday season.

In conclusion, B.L. Berg's novel is a literary feast that goes beyond the surface of holiday traditions. It peels back the layers of mystery surrounding Santa Claus, revealing a world of complexity, unexpected twists, and enchanting characters. "The Dream Maker and the Candy Cane" promises readers an unforgettable adventure into the heart of Christmas magic, where the ordinary becomes extraordinary, and the season's spirit takes on a whole new meaning.

[penelopecat]

It’s the holiday season, and that means I’m reading holiday-themed books, like Mrs Claus and the Evil Elves by @lizireland_author. I’ve read each book in the series as they’ve come out the last few years, and they always make me smile. #thismakesmehappy #books #2022reading #bookstagram #mystery #cozymistery #christmas #christmasbooks #christmasmystery #lizireland #mrsclausmystery #mrsclausandtheevilelves https://www.instagram.com/p/CmRqb41p_Ty/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[whumpster-fire]

But imagine if Atheists™ acted about Santa Claus the way they do about God.

You're being disingenuous and you know it. Santa Claus is a figure that very few adults sincerely, literally believe in, and society as a whole doesn't take Santa Claus seriously enough to base public policy on various Santa-based stories. Of course atheists acting that way about Santa in a vacuum sounds absurd, because no Christmas-celebrating culture acts the way about Santa Claus the way they do about God either.

Imagine if instead of threats of no gifts and coal in your stocking, Santa Claus's name was used to threaten children and adults alike with an afterlife of eternal torture.

Imagine if instead of believing in Santa Claus was something you were expected to grow out of, children had to hide that they didn't believe in him into adulthood for fear of being disowned by their parents.

Imagine if there was a significant movement advocating for geography textbooks, in schools, to claim that the North Pole was on land because "everyone knows Santa Claus lives there and reindeer couldn't live on sea ice year-round." And they kept pushing for a compromise where the existence of this completely fictitious landmass was presented as an "alternative theory" despite massive amounts of evidence that the North Pole is in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, because they refused to consider the idea that a document written by people who hadn't explored the Arctic and just thought Scandinavia kept going all the way to the north pole could possibly not be 100% literally true.

Imagine if we had to go to the Supreme Court to get the right of children whose families don't believe in Santa Claus to not be forced to write letters to him anyway by public schools be legally protected (but "one nation, under Santa Claus's watchful gaze" was still in the Pledge of Allegiance).

Imagine if people regularly got personally offended that friends, neighbors, or total strangers didn't believe in Santa Claus, and made it their mission to "save" them from being put on the Naughty List for not believing.

Imagine if efforts to get real sex ed curriculums in schools were opposed by large factions who thought we should just tell teenagers that having sex before marriage will land them on the Naughty List and Santa is always watching.

Imagine if homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, etc. were routinely justified by people in positions of institutional power, including government officials, by claiming that Santa Claus agreed with them based on some interpretation of some story.

Imagine if the history of Europe over the last several centuries was shaped by wars fueled by schisms over whether Santa Claus makes all the toys and answers all the letters himself and whether Mrs. Claus or the Elves exist. Imagine if, historically, some factions were targeted by the fucking KKK for believing in the wrong version of the Santa Claus canon.

Imagine if "human suffering and evil exist because the first man and woman were tempted into coming downstairs and peeking when Santa was delivering presents" was a view that was taken even remotely seriously.

Imagine if it was regularly claimed that Santa Claus had the power to cure children's terminal illnesses as a "gift," and when anyone asked whether this meant children who died of those illnesses were "naughty" or deserved a slow, painful death it was impossible to get a straight answer other than Santa having some inscrutable master plan.

Imagine if talking to a Mall Santa and apologizing for all the naughty things you'd done was a serious social institution.

If all of that happens, I predict you'll see a lot more of a vehement Anti-Santa movement. Or, if Christian fundamentalism ceases to be a major force in American politics, if LGBT rights, reproductive rights, freedom of religion, and so on, aren't constantly under attack from powerful groups using God as their figurehead, maybe there will be fewer songs calling him an asshole.

Man, it’s so funny how a lot of atheist laymen get angry at the idea of there being a “historical Jesus.” It’s really not enough for them that the consensus among secular scholars is that Jesus really existed, but just wasn’t divine; they have to write essay-length comments all over Reddit and YouTube and Facebook about how there’s just NO WAY Jesus could have been a real guy, that those scholars are just biased and wrong, that Jesus is 100% a made up, fairytale character created to Control The Masses. Do some soul searching about why you’re so violently opposed to the mere existence of a man named Jesus who hailed from Nazareth and preached to the poor people in Galilee before being crucified, guys.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Welcome to Xmas, New Jersey style. Kris & Rachel’s display is not such a stretch when you think of the story of Krampus and generations of slasher films like “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” 

All the familiar characters are here. 

Kris says most of the neighbors love it and look forward to it every year. 

Bumble the Abominable Snowman is snacking on some guy’s face and a gingerbread man wears a hockey mask like Jason Voorhees. 

Two elves playing tug of war w/a little girl. 

Krampus is here- love the hooves.

There’s an 8-foot-tall green Grinch. (This one’s a little more evil than the Grinch who stole Christmas.)

Santa and Mrs. Claus are front and center. “We’re shocked that the little kids love it the most. The only ones that don’t like it are our own kids! It’s pretty funny,” says Rachel. 

This must be the Clauses getting ready for Christmas dinner. 

https://weirdnj.com/weird-news/have-yourself-a-creepy-little-christmas-in-manalapan/

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Ooh! How about the Hellfire Club Christmas headcanons!!

Eddie insists on designing a festive design for one-off Hellfire Club t-shirts for Christmas.

He loves being creative and making something that makes his little sheeples happy.

The D&D campaign for the Christmas season is 100% a mission to save Santa Claus from evil Demogorgons and other D&D creatures.

I can literally imagine Eddie in his room painting a Santa figure, elves and reindeer for his festive D&D campaign

The campaign lasts from December 1st with the final being on Christmas eve eve.

Whoever rolls a crit hit to defeat the Demogorgon holding Santa captive gets a special present.

The present in question is a detailed drawing of the winner's D&D character but in festive attire.

Mrs Wheeler bakes Christmas-themed cookies for the boys to consume after the campaign ends.

The holiday campaign is a huge hit and Eddie is already planning the next one.

[defconprime]

TREKMATCH! # 744 - LDS's "I, Excretus" vs 1985's Santa Claus: The Movie

SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE

A kindly old man and his wife freeze to death so some elves bring them back to life as Santa and Mrs Claus. Montage to a few hundred years later and Santa has to compete with an evil corporation who wants to commercialize Christmas, a message that is real rich coming from a crass movie designed to force children and their parents to see because it's *Santa Claus* The *Movie*, you'll be on the naughty list if you miss it! Also love that Santa meets a homeless New York kid and his solution to the problem is to make him a little wooden toy.

GRADE: F

STAR TREK: LOWER DECKS - "I, Excretus"

A Starfleet drill instructor shows up to put the whole crew through some simulations except everyone keeps failing except for Boimler, who's a perfectionist. Also Tendi tries some pesto and how could I not mention Boimler's taint?

GRADE: B

Victory to Trek, so movies are up 373-371!

[amplesalty]

Christmas 2021 - Day 6 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town (1970)

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Six krazy Kringles!

Well, it’s been another fairly lacklustre effort on my part but we’ll round out the festive season with our traditional look at both the Rankin Bass universe and ‘song made into a Christmas special’. It really does continue to surprise me how many of these things are out there, not least in the Rankin Bass catalogue. Like, apparently they have one based on Santa Baby. That’s doesn’t seem the kind of song that’s fitting for a kids special given it’s very suggestive themes.

S.D Kluger is here to deliver all of the letters to Santa from the little girls and boys, going so far as to open a few to observe all the questions that kids like to ask Father Christmas. Pretty sure that’s against the law there, Kluger, even if the kids have terrible hand writing with backwards letters and punctuation. Still, it’s interesting to see Kluger in his natural habitat having seen parodies of him in South Park and that Spongebob special a few years back.

Does pad the special out a bit right at the start as he prances about in front of a bunch of forest creatures. The fact he can seemingly float as he dances shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise given that’s voiced by Fred Astaire, I heard that guy can dance on ceilings.

Meanwhile, the real story begins when a baby is abandoned on the doorstep of some form of government building inhabited by the controller of Sombertown; Burgermeister Meisterburger, which is a tremendous name. Not a bad idea, I suppose. Maybe the person in charge will take pity on the child, take it in and then it can live the life of luxury. Not so in this case though as Burgermeister is having none of it and promptly demands the baby be taken to the orphanage asylum. I get that asylum in this case is referring to a safe place but you normally think about someone being sent to an asylum as someone with extreme mental problems or something. That would be a rather interesting development, the orphanage for insane babies.

The little baby gets lost along the way though but is rescued by a bunch of forest critters before it runs into trouble in the mountains of the Whispering Winds, home of the evil Winter Warlock. Not a very fleshed out character is Mr Winter, he’s sort of a prototype of Winterbolt that would come some years later in Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July. Coming from Christmas in July, it did seem like would be a repeat of that with the whole evil wizard type thing going on but this goes in a bit of a different direction and Winter isn’t as featured as you might expect.

The critters leave the baby at the doorstep of the Kringles who are a bit like the seven dwarves, mixed with Christmas elves and voiced by the chipmunks. Luckily they’re not in this for very long so the grating voices and stupid names don’t get on your nerves for very long. They’re all named Wingle, Dingle, Tingle, Zingle...anything that ends in ‘ingle’ basically; Zingle Kringle. And they all live with this woman who is referred to as the Elf Queen; Tanta Kringle. She’s a bit weird as she has this accent that seems to float between this sort of German/Austrian thing and almost a Swedish one. She ignores the standard naming convention of this family and bestows the young baby with the name of Kris Kringle which is the first in what is a list of establishing where all the Santa Claus mythos comes from.

As much as these Kringles love making toys, there’s not really much they can do with them considering their town is cut off from Sombertown by the mountain and the wizard threatens them everytime they try to go through. So, they just make the toys and throw them out the back door immediately. Maybe they’re on one of the EU subsidies where farmers are paid to make crops that no one is going to even use, leading the milk lakes and meat mountains.

Tanta shares with young Kris the story of how they used to be the chief toymakers to the King, just tuck this away in the back of your mind because we’ll come back to this later...

Back in Sombertown, the Burgermesiter takes a tumble down the steps of the town hall when some little brat leaves an errant toy laying around so he takes the rather rational measure of banning all toys, which is probably up there with the banning of dancing in Footloose in terms of government overreach. I love this shot of him then laid up in bed with an ice pack on his head and the doctor taking his temperature. That seems a little unnecessary. It’s just a bump on the head, I can’t imagine he has a fever to go with that. It’s like that time Vince McMahon hurt his ankle so they had him in hospital hooked up to a heart monitor.

Adult Kris Kringle is a radical soul at heart and isn’t going to put up with these evil Mountain wizards or tyrannical Burgermeisters, rolling into town like gangers delivering hooch during prohibition as he dumps a sack full of Kringle brand toys in front of two miserable looking kids washing their stockings. This town really is just a sea of grey meaning Kris and his toys stand out like a sore thumb, their virbrant colours instilling new life into Sombertown almost akin to how Christmas brings a little joy into our dull and dreary lives every December.

There’s a degree of world building beginning to develop here, with the townspeople immediately suspicious and distrustful of this outsider coming into town with his loud attire and questioning these draconian laws. They all immediately flee and run inside their houses when he mentions his contraband collection of toys, really sells how in fear they live of the dreaded Burgermesiter. Or the Burglarmeister as the kids call him.

Kringle offers to give the kids his toys but only once they cheer up a bit, he doesn’t like sour faces and they better watch out, they better not cry, they better not pout and he’s telling them why. Gotta shoehorn these lyrics in here somewhere I guess. I agree with his point about the faces though. They’re really creepy, kinda like Funk Pops with these cold, dead eyes and lifeless faces. I’ve just realised what they remind me of...

Those weird faces from the GTA Trilogy remaster.

I like how Kris is able to bargain his way out of seemingly any trouble by just giving toys to people. Local school teacher questioning why you’re giving her students a bunch of illegal toys? A doll should answer those. Government official wanting to arrest you for said toys? A yo-yo will fix that. Winter Warlock’s Evil Dead trees got you trapped? A train will melt that icy heart of his. This special is just conditioning our kids to buy their way out of trouble.

But with all of the Burgermeister’s forces on the lookout for Kringle, how will he ever be able to get the kids their toys? Well, he’ll just sneak them in under cover of darkness of course! And if the Burgermeister orders all the doors and windows be bolted shut at night? Well, he can just go down the chimney!

And when the Burgermeister starts doing door to door searches for toys, well, they would never think to look in the stockings that are hanging up by the fire to dry out. But wait a minute, the father of this family looks familiar...is that the King from earlier? To what lengths did this Burgermeister go to seize power?! Perhaps he lets the King live freely rather than be locked up in his dungeons, after all, what better reminder to the people that the Burgermeister can inflict his power upon anyone than for them to see the former King on a daily basis, this once regal fellow now reduced to a common man.

His power trip even extends to arresting Kris, the rest of the Kringles and the wizard before holding a bonfire of all the toys in the town square as the kids look on.

They all make their escape by way of flying reindeer thanks to some old magic feed the wizard had laying around, though Kris will forever have to live in hiding thanks to his wanted status. Kris Kringle might be a wanted man but you know who isn’t? Santa Clause. And good look finding anyone matching that posters description, the real Kris Kringle has a beard now, you’d never tell the difference! He’s like Clark Kent.

Kringle even gets married to his impromptu love interest, the nagging school teacher from earlier. As a wanted criminal it’s hard for him to settle and get married in any regular church so they had to make do with a ceremony in the forest in front of decorated pine trees, placing their wedding presents at the bottom.

It’s weird because it seems to remove any of the religious aspects of Christmas and suggest that Santa was the genesis of everything but it then goes into this song that references the three wise men. Or it later talks about how the requests for gifts became so frequent that he had to limit his journeys to just once a year and he chose the most spiritual of all nights for it’s connection to such boundless love Wow, I think even Kirk Cameron would be proud of how many things this movie is able to explain away.

Whilst not quite on the level of cynicism and arseholes that Rudolph was, this does have an edge to it that elevates it above just being the saccharine kids show that it first appears with that cutesy S.D Kluger intro. This story thread of the oppressive Burgermeister, his stranglehold on this town and Santa’s attempts to bring some cheer to it is unexpected but really cool, it has this whole renegade good vs evil vibe to it. Some of the character designs are very off but I love how expressive the Burgermeister is. He’s very over the top with the way he often has to take pratfalls or become enraged by Kringle outsmarting him yet again. And there’s even the odd picturesque moment like that wedding scene with Mr and Mrs Clause at the foot of the Christmas tree in the glow of the moonlight. Very reminiscent of that scene in Rudolph with him floating beneath the night sky.

It’s another thumbs up from me, not on par with Rudolph but it doesn’t bog itself down with filler like Christmas in July and is much more interesting than Frosty.