#mrs chapman’s boarding house

[geraldofallon]

Fallen London Travel Guide:

Mrs Chapman’s Boarding House and Kitchen

A venerable boarding house sits at the intersection of Thrall Street and Dropped Stitch Alley. The house has grown since the Fall, and now boasts many rooms to rent at modest prices. A soup kitchen and parlour sprawl about the lower floors, offering quality sustenance for nothing at all - beyond the pleasure of the diner’s company.

Not “The House For Those With Nowhere Better To Be” - Bloomin’ Cheek

[follypersist]

listen i am all for magical realism but a vichyssoise? in 1899??

[lilith-of-stardust]

Mrs Chapman's Boarding House is a venerable Fallen London institution where Londoners of all walks of life come and partake of the soup and lounge in the numerous parlors. That, however, was only after the Fall. Here stands Mrs Chapman's circa 1862, significantly more Euclidean in nature.

There were some poetic liberties taken to make the canon appearance of the house play nice with the physical limitations of the Sims (The attic room was at least two hours of my life...). The bottom four photos are the parlor, Archie's bedroom, Griz's desk, and the kitchen.

Mrs Chapman's Boarding House on the gallery or search user CrownedCorvine

Some other liberties & Easter eggs (& some spoilers!):

The canon appearance of the building is a triple decker; but in-game there's mention of how few rooms are currently available. Given that the attic room is very much not a part of the triple-decker setup, the building has been shortened to two full stories + attic. There is, however, an extra room, which begs the question: why did Moss need to take Archie's room...? I guess we'll never know. Perhaps Horatia had someone in mind she was keeping it open for.

As the heart of the house - in a manner of speaking - it stands to reason that Horatia would keep the room off of the kitchen for herself, though initially intended as a the servants' room.

Horatia strikes me as someone who would be at the vanguard of health and shell out for indoor plumbing the moment it was readily available; cleanliness is next to Godliness, after all. The main bathroom on the first floor has been expanded and had a soaking tub installed in recent years.

With the rest of the house heavily decorated and cozy, Horatia's bedroom is her space to reflect and clear her head, and therefore is sparse, save for a tin-type photo of her father above her bed.

There are no directly biblical art pieces in the Sims so instead of the lion and the lamb on the mantelpiece, I went with the rooster, which historically has been used as a symbol of recognizing one's own sins and seeking redemption in Christianity. I hope Horatia doesn't mind the replacement.

The mannequin is dressed in what I usually purchase for my MCs to wear in MotR: the taupe gentleman's greatcoat and top hat.

On the desk in the attic, there's a book from which a Sim can learn the spell "inferniate" - this is as close as I could get to a Sim being able to write sigils, which burn when written on normal paper.

Griz's grew up around tenant farmers and specifically mentions horses when you ask her about her childhood; the horse statue on her desk helps stave off the homesickness for greener pastures back on the estate, though it seldom strikes.

There are glasses on Archie's bedside table, referencing the fact if you pursue the manifesto plotline, he'll reward you with the dark posing spectacles.

Horatia is known for her cooking, and, when she can, she leaves baked goods in the parlor. Here, there are some Yorkshire puddings... or, if you're a nasty American like me, some popovers.

Of course, the Sims doesn't allow for strange sprawling and recursive architectury (yet) so I will not be attempting later iterations of Mrs Chapman's humble abode. :)

[asleepinawell]

since i tempted a decent handful of my followers into fallen london i decided as recompense to make a guide/hints/tips thing to a few early on things that might not be as easy to pick up on. the first couple may be a little more obvious but some of the later ones are more obscure. enjoy, delicious friends!

1) Use Plans!!!! That little bookmark icon on the top right of an action will save it to your plans page so you can easily reference if you can't complete it now. great for remembering what you were doing and how many items you need. extremely good for ambitions

2) Use Your Opportunity Deck. It's easy to get caught up in the making your name stuff, but there's a lot of good and important things in your opportunity deck you can miss out on. Bronze cards often help open little stories even if it's not immediately obvious. You get a ten free actions card once a week in there too

3) Look Through the Social Activities. There's a lot of stuff buried in social activities, some of it not in the most logical places. You can resign from your current profession under send a message to a contact. If a friend sent you a letter to let you boost a skill you have to use it under epistolary matters -> sort through incoming mail. And more.

4) Training Professions. Enquirer, Minor Poet, Pickpocket, Tough. You don't have to do anything with these, they just give you a weekly boost in the associated stat when time the healer rolls around. Once you hit 70 on a stat the profession will no longer boost it and you can resign and pick up a new one for free. After you are a person of some importance you can look into getting a fancier job with more perks.

5) Favourable Circumstances. You may have noticed you get something called favourable circumstances every week with time the healer. This is an item in your inventory under curiosity. Its primary use is to force draw a specific opportunity card. When you're just starting out the best use may be to arrange a meeting with your contacts, which lets you draw a connected card of your choice (like urchins, hell, etc). This lets you get a favor right away so it's good to use it every week.

6) DON'T GO TO POLYTHREME. Look, I know the option is right there in the docks but it is a very confusing area and not that useful at low levels. I got stuck there once early on and may be slightly traumatized. Definitely go there later, maybe when you have your own ship and get the map for it.

7) Mrs Chapmans Boarding House. This is in Spite. The options there all give you a few of a resource that's often a pain in the ass to grind other ways. The amount scales with your base watchful. It is just a nice little free way to get some resources. The items available change every week on a four week rotation. See the season in soup guide on the wiki for more info.

8) Mr Chimes Grand Clearing Out Activities. This was an event that happened in the past but left behind a few activities that are unparalleled ways to gain some resources. These are: Descend to the Underclay Quarter in Spite, The Spider Symposium (head into the cellars) in the Singing Mandrake, Seeking Documents in the Sunken Embassy in Moloch Street, Hunt Bees in the University, Brawl with Dockers in the Blind Helmsman (not sure if the was part of mr chimes but the mechanics are similar), and LB Industries in the Blind Helmsman. They all work by gathering a certain amount of some item through the storylets and then handing it in for a resource reward. You generally get one nice reward and the rest is paid out in a low level resource, making it a decent grind for echoes as well (i use moloch st for that).

9) Expedition Supplies for your base camp. Descend to the Underclay Quarter mentioned in the point above is a fast way to get strong backed labor to cash in for supplies during your watchful making your name (and after). Go there, work with unfinished men, get 50 convincing falsehoods (the second option gives you 25 a pop) and send an unfinished man to spite for labor x3. This makes watchful myk so so much easier.

10) Buy Gear. All resources have a use so don't go spending them all like crazy, but it really is worth spending some to buy gear, yes, even +2 gear because if you have +2 in every slot that is a nice boost at a low level. Holiday events are also a great way to get a ton of very good free gear.

11) CP. Change points, basically XP. You need as much CP as the next level to reach that level. So you need 3CP to get to level 3, 4CP for level 4, etc (this caps at 70). You get more CP for succeeding in things that you have a lower chance of success for. 60-90% chances are a nice range to aim for. Also! You get CP for failing which also scales with your percentage chance of success. So if you have a 0% chance of success you may get way more CP than succeeding on something you had a high chance of success for (example: a 90% success gives you 2CP, a 0% failure gives you 4CP... this is why the weasel of woe is good).

12) What are the Bizarre/Dreaded/Respectable stats on gear used for? So you may have noticed that you sometimes get points of Making Waves. Once you become a person of some importance you have the ability to cash in making waves to get a stat called Notability. Notability can be used for getting advanced professions, upgraded lodgings, and more. BDR gear lowers the amount of making waves you need per level of notability. They're also used in checks later on much the way your base stats are and they have uses at the bone market when you get there. Basically, grab gear with them if you can but don't worry too much about how it all works now. It will make more sense when you get there.

13) Cross-Conversion Carousel. This is a slightly more advanced thing that you don't need to know about yet but can be very very useful even at low levels. You know how you can click on most resources in your inventory and combine a lot of low level ones into a few high level ones? There's a bunch you can also cross convert, meaning convert to a different category of item of the same level. These are: brilliant souls, tales of terror, compromising documents, memories of light, zee ztories, strangling willow absinthe, whisper-satin scrap, journal of infamy, correspondence plaques, mysteries of the elder continent, incendiary gossip, and memories of distant shores. You need 50 of one to convert it and you get 51 of the item you convert it to.

What this means is if you have 50 of ANY of these, you can turn it into 50 of any other by converting it around the loop until you get the one you need. This often saves you from having to grind items that can be annoying to get (mrs chapman gives several of these too to help you get the initial amount). ALSO if you notice some of the conversions give making waves which can be a decent way to grind them. See the wiki page here for more info.

14) Last but definitely not least: the wiki is your best friend. It has guides for everything. It tells you what every single action does. It tells you where to find resources. It has terrifying math graphs. Use it. Love it.

And there is also the fifth city wiki which has lore on it. It contains MASSIVE spoilers, but the lore of fallen london is obscure and spread out across multiple games now so sometimes you just wanna know wtf everyone is talking about.

15) Don't Look In Wells!!!!!!! Just. Do not. (Hunters Keep well is an exception. It is a very nice well).

[ltwilliammowett]

Mary Anne Talbot - a female Soldier and Sailor

Mary Anne Talbot is one of the women who have the adventure of serving at sea disguised as a male sailor. She was born in London on 2 February 1778, the illegitimate daughter of William Talbot, 1st Earl Talbot. Her mother died at birth, her presumed father when she was four years old. She was brought up by a wet nurse at Worthen in Shropshire until she was five, after which she attended a private boarding school in Chester, run by a Mrs Tapperly, until she was 14. The only relative she knew was an elder sister, an Hon. Miss Dyer, who also died quite young in the birth of her child in 1791. She enlightened Mary Anne about her presumed parentage before her death and left her a handsome fortune of £30,000 sterling. From this fortune Mary Anne could have had an annual income of 1500 pounds, but her sister's chosen guardian, a Mr. Sucker, did not provide for her further education, but gave her to Essex Bowen, a captain in the 82nd Regiment of Foot.

Mary Anne Talbot, by G. Scott, after James Green, published 1804 (x)

The latter took her to London, where he made her his not-so-voluntary mistress in 1792. But already in the autumn of 1792 he was to go to Flanders and simply took her with him. To this end, he passed her off as an errand boy, who took her to St. Domingo as John Taylor. From there she went to Flanders, where she was now listed as Drummer Boy. As such she took part in the capture of Valenciennes on 28 July 1793, where Captain Essex was killed. She now deserted the regiment and made her way through Luxembourg to the Rhine, until in September 1793, out of necessity, she signed on as a cabin boy to the captain of a French lugger called Le Sage. The lugger, according to her account, had been captured by Lord Howe in the Queen Charlotte, and "Taylor" (as she still called herself) was assigned to HMS Brunswick 74 guns under Captain John Harvey (1740-1794) as a powder monkey, in which capacity she took part in the great victory of 1 June 1794, but was severely wounded by a grape shot that shattered her left ankle.

Captain Essex with his footboy John Talbot (x)

She spent four months at Haslar Royal Naval Hospital in Gosport. She then became a midshipman on the Bomb Vessel Vesuvius. However, this was captured off Normandy by two French privateers. As a prisoner, Taylor remained in Dunkirk for 18th months. After her release, she signed on with the American ship Ariel under Captain John Field, sailing to New York in August 1796. In November she returned to London on the Ariel. There she was picked up by a press gang in Wapping. In order not to have to re-enter the Royal Navy, she revealed her true gender, whereupon she was discharged. She then haunted the Navy's pay office for some time, and various donations were collected for her. But she was intemperate and spent her money frivolously. The Duke and Duchess of York and the Duchess of Devonshire, it is said, interceded for her.

Mary Anne Talbot resisting a Press Gang, by John Chapman (x)

After a series of employments including a gig as a jeweller's assistant or a performance in a small theatre in Tottenham Court Road in the Babes in the Wood, and a stay in Newgate from which she was rescued by the Society for the Relief of Persons confined for small Debts, her misfortunes forced her to take refuge as a domestic servant in the house of the publisher Robert S. Kirby in St. Paul's Churchyard, who recorded her adventures in the second volume of his Wonderful Museum, 1804 and continued her story in  The Life and Surprising Adventures of Mary Anne Talbot, 1809. After three years' service, a general deterioration, caused in part by the wounds and privations she had suffered, rendered her unable to work regularly, and she was removed to the house of an acquaintance in Shropshire at the end of 1807. There she remained for some weeks, and died on 4 February 1808, aged 30.

Mary Anne Talbot, by G. Scott, after James Green, published 1804 (x)

Perhaps some of you have noticed that there are certain similarities to Hannah Snell. And in fact, her story is very much in doubt. Because there are great inconsistencies with the times and the ships that she had given in her biography. Because there is no Talbot on the ships listed and there was no Talbot on the Vesuvius at the time it was captured, and the capture itself is also questionable because the ship was not off Normandy at that time but in the West Indies. Whether she just mixed things up here or whether they were chosen to spice up her story is questionable, and it cannot be ruled out that this story was a product of fantasy.

[justdiptych]

Having been ruminating on the possible link between Archie Reid of Mask of the Rose and September of Fallen London, and having been informed what a fool I am for suggesting there might be one, I've been trying to formally lay out the evidence for and against them being one and the same, and to reckon with the unavoidable uncertainties. (Some serious spoilers for both games appear below the cut.)

FOR:

Both have red hair, green eyes, and very similar facial features.

Both are written with similar accents.

Both have established connections to the Calendar Council - September is a member, of course, while Archie is familiar with May.

Both write and publish revolutionary texts.

Both have hostile relationships with Mr Pages - Archie can expose Pages as being personally responsible for the Fall of London.

September's dialogue suggests that, like Archie, he was a student in London at the time of the Fall.

AGAINST:

September's stated background - on a baronial estate near Balmoral - does not align with Archie's stated origins in Glasgow. (See below for further examination of this point.)

Unlike other Mask of the Rose characters (Griz, Horatia, Moss, Pages, Ferret, May, Reginald, Barqujin and Batachikhan), September makes no appearance at Mrs Chapman's in Fallen London.

September doesn't mention having any history of medical practice.

UNCERTANTIES:

Our knowledge of Archie's background is complicated by the fact that 'Archie Reid' is not his original identity. He was, instead, Lucian, an officer and spy who had travelled much of the world. He had tried to warn the people of London of the impending Fall and was, for his troubles, almost erased from reality by the authorities. 'Archie Reid' is what remains of him, and even he doesn't know whether everyone's memories of Archie (including his own) are true or false.

September's age is unclear. On first meeting him, the narration describes him as a 'youth', and his portrait doesn't look like a man who would be in his late fifties at the youngest. This doesn't quite agree with his own suggestion of having been in London during the Fall. If he is Archie, perhaps his theriac staved off the effects of age?

I don't recall how much elaboration we get on Lucian's background in Mask of the Rose's Reunion ending, and whether it's compatible with September's backstory. I'm also not sure whether that matters. Did the person Lucian was, and the things he did, retroactively cease to exist when he became Archie? This is very confusing, I know.

I'm not sure whether September and the Efficient Commissioner have any relevant dialogue if they're on the board of the Great Hellbound Railway together.

Putting Watson aside and putting on our Doyle moustache for a moment, it is possible that September was not originally written to be Archie but later became him. When September first appeared in Fallen London, he used a different portrait - the same one used by the non-binary portrait artist at Helicon House. His current portrait came later. Perhaps this represented a revision of his character's backstory and identity? Eh, I'm speculating aloud here.

To sum up: I dunno. It might be him. They sure look alike. If it's not him, they'd have a lot to talk about if they ever met.

[banrionceallach]

Mask of the Rose Blorbos (Pt 3)

Look, everyone in this game is Blorbo. I don't make the rules.

Horatia Chapman. Live-in landlady of Chapman's Boarding House.. The Mrs Hudson to your Sherlock Holmes. Dinner is at six sharp, please don't ask what's in it. The city of London has been stuck in a cave for months and Horatia is a practical sort who does the best she can. Also, For Their Safety, Tenants are asked Not to go into the Basement.

Note: Horatia is a fictional character, which is why she actually cares about her tenants' welfare.

Theophilius Withernwick. The local vicar of St. Albans. Initially a bit on the dour side, but under the circumstances who wouldn't be? Frankly if I had to deal with the Canon of Southwark all day, not to mention the frequent bat infestations in my church, I probably wouldn't be the life of the party either. Inclined to overcompensate.

Reginald Birtwhistle. The aforementioned Canon of Southwark. Definitely a man who puts the 'militant' in Church Militant. Don't worry, with his keen guidance you will be safe from the devilish influences invading London (a.k.a. Milton and Virginia). What? You didn't ask for his guidance? Pshah! Minor details!

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"PRISONER WAVED A FAREWELL TO FAMILY," Toronto Star. March 11, 1913. Page 14. --- Wife and Baby in Corridor When He Was Sent Down Into the Cells. --- CASES IN POLICE COURT ---- Man Accused of Beating Wife Begs for Mercy, But Fails to Get Freedom. ---- Walter Heald, who pleaded guilty to stealing a quantity of jewelry from his employer, Thomas Cuff, was dismissed by Magistrate Denison to-day on the assurance of Mr. Cuff that he would take Heald back into his employ, and watch over him and see that he could get even with the game again.

"I shall discharge you," said the magistrate, "because the spirit evinced by your employer is so rare that it would be a shame to discourage it."

Solomon Siegel, accused of picking pockets, was committed for trial before a jury, and was let out on bail of $1,000.

Wife Complains. John Andrews' sobbing in the dock moved everyone in the court-room but Alice Andrews, his wife, who laid a charge against him for doing bodily harm to her.

"I worship my wife," cried Andrews, "and I don't know why I scratched her. She was nagging because I had taken a couple of drinks, and got me into a rage."

"I'll send you down for three days, and we will examine the case in the meantime."

Andrews clung to the rail, and begged the magistrate, the constables, and the prisoners not to torture him "down there." Both he and his wife are young, married not more than two years.

Arthur Francis, the young man who is accused of passing bogus checks on boarding house landladies, was committed for trial on the charge of forgery, and is remanded in Jail until his trial. During the time he was in the dock Francis was peering out the door of the court-room, where his wife and two-year-old baby were sitting in the corridor. Francis antics to catch the baby's eye, and his waving and kiss-throwing were pathetic in the extreme, and even the court-room constables, whose thundering "sit down!" greets any movement on the part of prisoners, were touched a little, and cleared a path for the baby to see through.

Only One Woman. There was only one sentence handed out in the Women's Police Court to-day, and that was to Bertha Jacobs, who was sent to the Mercer for three months, for keeping a house of ill-fame.

An unfortunate case is that of Alex McPherson, who pleaded guilty to vagrancy, and who was handed over to the Salvation Army. McPherson has been suffering from heart weakness for years, and came to this city two weeks ago from a farm district around Galt and Berlin, to find some relatives he thought were here. Now he wants to get back to the farms, and the Salvation Army will find him some work, to enable him to pay his way.

Domestic Trouble. "I married Henry Chapman five years ago," said Mrs. Mary Chapman. in giving her evidence in a case of non-support. "He gets drunk and he deserted me for three weeks-left me alone to feed twenty-three starving chickens."

"Do you want to go back to your husband?"

"Yes! I was married for life and not for five years!"

Chapman claims that his wife was always nagging at him, and the case was adjourned till the 18th.

Robert H. Wood was committed for trial on a charge of committing assaults on two little girls, four and six years old.

After being set up in the plumbing business by William Marshall, George Brown started signing his friend's name to notes and L.LO.U's and defrauded Marshall out of $13.50, for which Brown was given a month in jail.

"I bought him a horse and wagon," said Marshall, "and put him on to the game in the plumbing business. Then I began to receive notes with my name forged."

Preyed On a Woman. Three months in the Central Prison were given to Wilber Ryan, for being an inmate of a house of ill-fame kept by Mary Howard. The Morality Department put forward facts showing that Ryan was keeping the Howard girl, who is still quite young, for immoral purposes. The house was raided, the girl sentenced and frequenters fined.

Ryan lived at the house, and had no visible means of support beyond what money was earned by Mary Howard.

The Department's record shows that this girl had a baby a couple of years Lago, and that since then she has been identified with houses run by Ryan.

"Three months in Central," said Magistrate Denison," and hereafter an eye will be kept on you! We will look for further light on your life."

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’m still at my parents’ place, and in their basement they have the DVD collections that were in the living room back when I was younger. I hadn’t looked closely at it before, but it’s interesting now that I do, a look at the media on which I grew up.

Flying Circus, Life of Brian, Holy Grail, and Meaning of Life at the top. We had a VHS of And Now for Something Completely Different, too. I used to watch all of those frequently from when I was quite young, except for Meaning of Life. My dad never let me watch that as a kid, saying it was too sexual. I watched it for the first time when I was about nineteen, and did not understand how he thought that was worse than the stuff he did show me. Yeah there’s a song about sperm, but Life of Brian has Graham Chapman’s entire penis in it!

A level down, we have Ripping Yarns, Fawlty Towers, Yes Minister/Yes Prime Minister, and Blackadder, which were my go-tos. The major shows I re-watched over and over, from when I was too young to understand them. Those and the Python were my favourites. There’s a DVD of Mr. Bean on the end there, which I didn’t realize they had, because I used to watch Mr. Bean on VHS. That was also a favourite, but less enduring. Those other shows I watched over and over until I was at least in high school; Mr. Bean I thought was hilarious as a young kid but didn’t need to go back to after that.

Extras and Little Britain were both shows my dad liked and tried to get me into, but I watched a few episodes and never liked them much. I now think I was on the right side of history with that one. He tried the same with Absolutely Fabulous, which I liked when I watched it but never got properly into, and just watched all the episodes for the first time last year. I enjoyed those a lot and think it could have made my list of favourites as a kid if I’d given it one more chance. A similar situation with A Bit of Fry and Laurie - I watched some with my dad when I was young, liked it, but never got fully into it. In 2020 I watched every episode of it and thought it was the best sketch comedy I’d ever seen, I couldn’t understand why it never became a favourite when I was young.

There’s Two’s Company and As Time Goes By, which were favourites of my dad and his mother, and I sometimes watched with them when my grandmother was in town. Butterflies was a show I’d forgotten about until I saw its DVD again just now, remembered that it’s another one that initially came from my grandmother, and I really liked it. My dad wasn’t that into that one, but I used to watch it with his mom when she was in town.

There’s The Office, which I watched all of once and liked okay, but not enough to watch again (until, again, last year). Some Billy Connolly DVDs, which I remember my dad also had on a CD that he used to play in the car, that I enjoyed while I heard it but didn’t really understand.

There’s a DVD of the Hitchhiker’s Guide TV show, which I don’t think I actually watched until last year. But I read all the books for the first time when I was about thirteen. Actually, my dad read them to me. All five Hitchhiker’s Guide books, both Dirk Gently books, and Last Chance to See. We’d sit in the living room while he read them out loud, it took about a year to get through all of them. I've read them on my own plenty of times since, but it was fun to do it that way the first time. Reading out loud makes a book a shared experience the same way a TV show can be.

The American stuff is on the bottom shelf, and in another shelf that’s beside that one. The Veep DVDs were purchased only for my dad, because by the time Veep started airing, I’d learned how to use streaming sites. I was on board with that show from Day 1 because I’d already been obsessed with The Thick of It for years by then (the Thick of It DVDs are not in this picture because they’re at my house, it was my very favourite and I took it with me when I left, even though I also had mp4s of all the episodes on my hard drive), so I was downloading those episodes as they aired, not waiting for boxsets.

M*A*S*H and Cheers were my American favourites, in the rotation just as much as the Blackadder/Fawlty Towers/Yes Minister/Ripping Yarns. On the other shelf are the Seinfeld boxsets, which I was really into for about six months when I was about twelve years old, but the interest didn’t last longer than that. The other shelf also has 30 Rock DVDs, but I don’t think I watched those because I was finding shows online by the time I got into that one.

I remember exactly how I got into 30 Rock, actually. I was at home one day when I was about seventeen, watching TV with my dad. I wanted to put on an episode of M*A*S*H, and he told me to try this other thing called 30 Rock. I said no, I don’t want a new show, I want to watch an episode of M*A*S*H that I’ve seen 200 times since I was eight years old. He told me to give it a chance. I had somewhat recently worked out that I was gay, though I had not yet told my parents (and wouldn’t for several more years). I did, however, take one look at Tina Fey and say... yeah okay, I guess I can give this a chance.

I quickly learned that it’s one of the best shows I’ve ever seen; I watched two episodes with my dad on the couch that night, then used the internet to watch every episode that had aired up to that point, and continued to follow it until it ended. For most of my twenties, 30 Rock and Parks and Rec were the main shows I re-watched absolutely all the time, until I had every episode pretty much memorized. 30 Rock is a brilliant, sharp, consistent (which is impressive for so many episodes), extremely funny show, and I know that now. But yeah, I did initially get drawn in because I took one look at Tina Fey.

I think there was about a month when I was too young during which I’d have described The Full Monty as my favourite movie, but I definitely didn’t understand what was going on in that one (not that I was too young to understand the nudity, I got that they were strippers trying to decide whether to show all of themselves, what I didn’t understand was the nature of economic hardships in steel mill towns in the North of England in the 1990s).

Anyway, when I say I grew up at least partly on British comedy and went back to that in 2020, that’s mostly what I mean. Not pictured are, among other things, the Beyond the Fringe and Alan Bennett monologue CDs, and the Secret Policeman’s Ball VHSes. The News Quiz and The Now Show, which my dad first got me into when I was about nineteen and that I never stopped listening to. The copy of How To Irritate People with John Cleese that lived at my grandmother’s house, and that I used to love watching with her when I went to visit. She died when I was sixteen, and I don’t know where that VHS is now.

Also, my dad and I once watched Green Wing together, saw each episode exactly one time, and the fact that I’ve seen Stephen Mangan on panel shows is the only reason I’m convinced that show was real and not a fever dream I had.

[lindajenni]

aug 9

a peanut kind of faith

"assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'move from here to there,' and it will move." matt 17:20

a man of God - george washington carver. george credited divine inspiration for giving him ideas regarding how to perform experiments. "i always look forward to introductions as opportunities to learn something about myself …"

he continued: "years ago i went into my laboratory and said, 'dear Mr. Creator, please tell me what the universe was made for?' the Great Creator answered, 'you want to know too much for that little mind of yours. ask for something more your size, little man.' then i asked, 'please, Mr. Creator, tell me what man was made for.' again the Great Creator replied, 'you are still asking too much. cut down on the extent and improve the intent.' … so then i asked, 'please, Mr. Creator, will you tell me why the peanut was made?' 'that's better, but even then it's infinite. what do you want to know about the peanut?'"

'Mr. Creator, can i make milk out of the peanut?' 'what kind of milk do you want? good jersey milk or just plain boarding house milk?' 'good jersey milk.' and then the Great Creator taught me to take the peanut apart and put it together again. and out of the process have come forth all these products!"

on january 21, 1921, carver addressed the united states house ways and means committee. george expounded on the many potential uses of the peanut as a means to improve the southern economy. while scheduled for 10 minutes, he spoke for one hour and forty-five minutes, explaining the many food products that could be derived from peanuts…

the committee chairman asked carver: "dr. carver, how did you learn all of these things?" carver answered, "from an old book." "what book?" asked the chairman. carver replied, "the bible." the chairman inquired, "does the bible tell about peanuts?" "no, sir" carver replied, "but it tells about the God who made the peanut. i asked Him to show me what to do with the peanut, and He did."

"God is going to reveal to us things He never revealed before if we put our hands in His. no books ever go into my laboratory. the thing i am to do and the way are revealed to me the moment i am inspired to create something new. without God to draw aside the curtain, i would be helpless. only alone can i draw close enough to God to discover His secrets."

"God cannot use you as He wishes until you come into the fullness of His Glory. do not get alarmed, my friend, when doubts creep in. that is old satan. pray, pray, pray. oh, my friend, i am praying that God will come in and rid you entirely of self so you can go out after souls right, or rather have souls seek the Christ in you. this is my prayer for you always."

"my beloved friend, keep your hand in that of the Master, walk daily by His side, so that you may lead others into the realms of true happiness, where a religion of hate, (which poisons both body and soul) will be unknown, having in its place the 'golden rule' way, which is the 'Jesus Way' of life, will reign supreme … then, we can walk and talk with Jesus momentarily, because we will be attuned to His will and wishes, thus making the creation story of the world nondebatable as to its reality."

"we are finite, surrounded and often filled with hate. we can only understand the infinite as we loose the finite and take on the infinite. thank God i love humanity; complexion doesn't interest me one single bit. the man is unwise who does not cultivate in every manly way the friendship and goodwill of his next-door neighbor, whether he be black or white. great men cultivate love and only little men cherish a spirit of hatred."

"it is now long ago that i learned this lesson from general samuel chapman armstrong, and resolved that i would permit no man, no matter what his color might be, to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him. with God's help, i believe that i have completely rid myself of any ill feeling toward the southern white man for any wrong that he may have inflicted upon my race. i am made to feel just as happy now when i am rendering service to southern white men as when the service is rendered to a member of my own race. i pity from the bottom of my heart any individual who is so unfortunate as to get into the habit of holding race prejudice."

“the son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself." eze 18:20

in 1939, george washington carver was awarded the roosevelt medal, with the declaration: "to a scientist humbly seeking the guidance of God and a liberator to men of the white race as well as the black.

human need is really a great spiritual vacuum which God seeks to fill … with one hand in the hand of a fellow man in need and the other in the hand of Christ, He could get across the vacuum …

many thanks to william j. federer for his inexhaustible research in this matter.

we all need to travail that "vacuum" of space. satan is employing all his tactics of warfare to distract and instigate hatred and confusion among the races. oft times it is extremely difficult to "turn the other cheek" but we have the commandment to do so. you see, "if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." matt 6:15 and which of us do not have trespasses that need forgiven? i would venture none! he who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone. "if we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." 1 john 1:8

[luna4books]

So down for this idea- being able to actually create all of the soups from Mrs. Chapman’s boarding house would be too powerful actually. And I think we’ve all had that moment of wondering about the experience of those chestnuts to get rid of UP.

Still can’t get my head around the fact that there isn’t a fallen london cookbook yet

[handeaux]

Cincinnati Was Enchanted By The Weird & Mysterious Spell Of The Ouija Board

Every so often, a compulsion to contact spirits from beyond the grave possesses Cincinnati. For a time, séances were as common as church festivals here and the mainline churches fretted that Spiritualist cults would siphon away congregants. Card readers and crystal-ball gazers have occupied veiled storefronts as long as our city has had storefronts. From 1890 to 1920, the preeminent supernatural fad in Cincinnati was the Ouija board.

Although homemade “talking boards” had been employed in Spiritualist practice for many years, commercially produced Ouija boards did not became widely available until the 1890s.

From its first introduction, Queen City media tut-tutted about the talking board craze, predicting only two possible outcomes for participants: insanity or damnation. The Catholic Telegraph [19 August 1920] claimed both:

“‘Ouija’ is sending them to St. Elizabeth, the national hospital for the insane, by the score. At the Washington Asylum hospital, fifteen devotees of the spook board are now being watched by the alienists. ‘If Washington residents continue to ‘monkey’ with occult Ouija,’ said one of the physicians, ‘we will have to have an addition to the local staff.’ Do not imagine that manipulation of the Ouija board is only a harmless method of recreation. It is playing with fire—Hell fire.”

One of the first Ouija incidents recorded by the local media seemed to bear out at least the insanity option. The Cincinnati Enquirer [9 May 1892] spotlighted Mr. & Mrs. John Chapman from Liberty, Indiana and their outrageous, Ouija-inspired, misbehavior. Alarmed by screams and pounding noises, neighbors discovered the Chapmans carving circles on the walls and floors of their house, using hedge knives and scythes, while threatening to kill their own children and various relatives. They had chopped all their carpets to ribbons and smashed most of their furniture.

“Mrs. Chapman’s great delusion is that she wants to make every body a Mason. She claims Horace Greeley ordered her to do so and the Ouija board also tells her too. It is this Ouija fad that has caused the crazed condition of Mr. and Mrs. Chapman. Hundreds of these boards have been sold in this county and it will not be strange if there are other cases of insanity from its use to be reported from this city soon.”

A couple of years later, a whole community just outside Harrison, Ohio went on a treasure-hunting rampage, all because of a Ouija board. One evening, according to the Enquirer [23 February 1894] an apparently persuasive “prominent gentleman” of the area consulted his brand-new Ouija board and learned that substantial treasure was buried in Southgate, Indiana, just north of St. Leon.

“So impressed was he by the answer that he called a mass meeting of the citizens of that hamlet to organize an expedition to go to Southgate and endeavor to find the precious stuff. They started about three days ago, 50 anxious men forming the company, and from a report received here this morning, they have dug over a field covering seven acres, but without success.”

The Ouija craze produced celebrities and they visited Cincinnati. Among the most famous was Pearl Lenore Curran, who stopped by Cincinnati’s Grand Hotel, bringing in tow a spectral visitor named Patience Worth who claimed – through Ouija sessions – to have lived in England from 1649-1694. Dutifully transcribed by Pearl’s husband, John H. Curran, Patience Worth transmitted hundreds of poems, seven novels, some short stories and even a couple of plays via an apparently frenetic planchette. Cincinnati Post reporter Cynthia Grey published [13 November 1915] a “conversation” with the spirit of Patience Worth:

“Mrs. Curran is young and good-looking. There was nothing mysterious about her or the way she ‘talked’ with ‘Patience.’ She simply laid the Ouija board across our knees and told me to put my fingers on the pointer with hers. I felt a thrill when the pointer began to move swiftly from letter to letter.”

The Ouija fad really took off in 1920, apparently because many people wanted to contact relatives or friends who had died during World War I or during the 1918-19 “Spanish Flu” pandemic. Regardless of psychic potential, young people discovered that the Ouija board gave them an excuse to sit knees-to-knees in dimly lit rooms.

Cartoonists had a ball with Ouija-themed gags. Rube Goldberg portrayed people paralyzed with indecision until they consulted the Ouija board about purchasing formal attire or ordering dinner or making a telephone call. Walter Allman’s “Doings of the Duffs,” portrayed a sleepwalking wife frightening her husband by interrupting his Ouija session. Roy Grove’s “The Boys In The Other Car” portrayed a gang of commuters trying to get a Ouija board to tell them who among their fellow passengers was hiding some booze. All of these strips were syndicated by Cincinnati’s E. W. Scripps Company.

Throughout 1917, with the United States entering World War I, Cincinnati Post writer Alfred Segal invited readers to send reports of their Ouija sessions to be printed in his “Village Gossip” column. He ran dozens of reports, most suggesting a quick end to the war, a United States victory and horrible consequences for the German Kaiser. One of his correspondents claimed to have chatted with Abraham Lincoln.

Foremost among Ouija’s detractors, surprisingly, were the Spiritualist churches. After a century trying to gain respectability for their beliefs, the thought that their religion should be reduced to a parlor game was infuriating. The Enquirer [24 June 1920] reported high dudgeon at a Spiritualist convention:

“Inference that the Ouija board is controlled by spirits was resented by the delegates. Discussion today developed strong possibilities of a nation-wide movement to put down what one speaker referred to as a ‘slander against our religion’ for which the Ouija board was held responsible.”

It may have been too little, too late. The Cincinnati Post [7 August 1920] quoted eminent authorities assured that the Ouija board and similar activities were heading toward the dustbin of history:

“The popularity of the Ouija board and other forms of spiritualism is waning. Institutions for the feeble-minded have fewer ‘spook’ patients and fewer books on occult subjects are being circulated by libraries.”

If the Ouija board had anything to say about that, it went unrecorded.

[introductions-are-a-spook]

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Fifty miles from the Chapman house and twenty years ago, rain fell over an English boarding school. Children ran from building to building, clutching their bags under hunched chests in an attempt to protect them.

Visible through a window, one student sat huddled on a library bench, nose deep in a book. And of course they didn’t see through their concentration to the rambunctious upperclassman arguing with the librarian.

“I told you before, my father tore the book, not me. I can get the money to pay for it, it’ll just take a couple days!”

“That’s ridiculous. Just why in the world would a parent do that, hmm?”

“You obviously don’t know him like I do,” he snipped under his breath.

After a moment more of this, he sauntered over to where the bookworm- maybe a grade or two below him, sat. Flopping down, he groaned.

Finally the quiet one spoke. “Mrs. Kingsley’s going to wring your neck if you don’t replace the book soon, you know.”

“Yeah, I get it already. Geez.” The older boy looked at the younger with a raised eyebrow. “Hey I know you, you’re in my chemistry class. Mary, right?”

“Er, it’s Maxwell. And yes, what about it?”

“Isn’t that a bit too hard for you? You’re what, twelve?”

“Fourteen. You?”

“Aww, a little shrimp. I’m seventeen. Andrew, by the way,” although teasing, his tone lacked any genuine malice. He held out a hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, prick.”

Andrew laughed. “Damn right. Whatcha reading?”

Maxwell tilted the book. A collection of Sherlock Holmes stories. “I want to be a detective when I get out of school, so I’m studying now.”

“That’s cool. We better get to class though, the bell’s gonna ring soon,” Andrew said, standing up and checking his watch.

Maxwell reluctantly closed his book and nodded. “Just try to pay for the book soon, okay? Mrs. Kingsley isn’t the only one who cares about this library.”

“Oh sure. I’ll just steal the money from my dad while he’s at church or something,” he said with a mischievous grin. “Nice meeting you, Maxwell!”

“Same here. Criminal!”

Andrew laughed and walked off. Maxwell allowed a chuckle as he went the opposite way.

~*~

Six pictures were laid out in front of Andrew. All of various bedrooms. Half he recognized- Maxwell’s, Isabella’s, and his own. The other three varied. There was a rather plain, maroon themed bedroom with several camera monitors in one corner. Another was coated wall-to-wall in weapons and a bright scarlet palette. The last of which was more pink and the most homely, with picture frames full of people everywhere. All belonging to Maxwell’s siblings, most likely.

And yet, Andrew was not confused. In fact, he was quite disturbed. He sat with his ferret, Brie, in his arms, petting her in an attempt to calm down.

He had finally worked up the courage to read the letter. Mr. Antigone had left a graphic plan of all the horrible things he would do if Andrew didn’t leave Maxwell as soon as possible. He detailed all the ways he could get away with it, and included the pictures as proof of his deadly seriousnessand capability.

Well if he hasn’t killed me yet, it probably means he wants me alive. He must be trying to beat me into submission.

What a mess. Within just a few weeks of going out with Max, Andrew’s world had turned upside down. Of all the people in the world, he had to fall in love with a detective.

A knock at the downstairs door stirred him. Quietly putting Brie in her pen, he cursed himself for not burning the letter as told. Walking down to the front on tiptoe, he slipped a kitchen knife into his pocket- just in case.

Another knock. Andrew took a deep breath, prepared for the worst, and opened the door.

“Maxwell! Oh, it’s just you, thank god,” he sighed in relief.

Maxwell raised an eyebrow. “Of course it’s me, who else would it be?” He cut Andrew off before he could respond. “Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. We need to talk.”

A twinge of fear settled in Andrew’s gut. “About what? Is everything okay?”

“Given that you feel the need to answer the door with a knife in your coat,” he gestured to how poorly it was hidden, “No, things are far from okay.”

Andrew studied Maxwell’s face. His handsome features were pulled into a grave expression, his demeanor uncomfortable.

“Why don’t you come in,” Andrew said, holding the door ajar for the other man.

“Thank you,” Maxwell responded, sitting down at an empty booth in the main shop. Andrew sat down across from him, and they sat in silence for a long few moments.

Maxwell slowly tapped his thumbs together. Andrew could see how his eyes faded in deep thought.

“Andrew.”

“Yes?”

“Are you…” he took a shaky breath. “No. I know you’re the thief.”

Andrew’s stomach flipped, but he calmed himself. “You’re good. Guilty as charged. Is this my day of reckoning, then?” His tone was bitter, almost scared.

For the first time since arriving, Maxwell looked Andrew directly in the eye. “I have an idea.”

“You didn’t answer my question, but go on,” he said with a dry chuckle.

“Tell me, who is Nikos Antigone?”

Andrew stood up suddenly. “What do you mean, has he contacted you? Have you met him?”

“So you do know him. He sent me a letter- or, as it turns out, two letters. The first ‘anonymously’ telling me to run away from you, the second saying that you robbed him. Tell me, have you ever used violence in your hijinks?”

“I don’t know how much you’ll believe me, but no, I haven’t.”

“I figured as much. So it was Antigone that broke your nose a couple weeks back?”

Andrew hesitated. Was this an interview? But Maxwell seemed so genuinely worried. “Yeah, basically.”

“I’m very sorry,” he said, brushing a finger over the bridge that was still sore. Andy winced slightly, causing Max to draw his hand away.

“I’m not going to turn you in. I want to help, but to do that, I need answers. Could you tell me more?” He was now surprisingly soft.

So with a heavy sigh, Andrew spilled his guts about everything, even ousting Isabella’s involvement in the process. He also provided some insight on Jennifer. She was the daughter of a nobleman, one that rudely broke off dealings with the Antigone family’s crime loop, when she was just a baby.

Despite this, all four of them had attended the same school without realizing. She and the young Nikos were the best of friends, before they all went their separate ways, and Nikos followed in his family’s footsteps. Andrew was doing jobs for him simply to make him money and to be a jewel in his crown.

“You won’t have to be for long. If we can find a way to get him in the wrong place at the wrong time, we can pin all of your wrongdoings on him.”

“Maxwell, no. You could lose your job if you did that!”

“I’m more than willing-“

“And besides, I’m the one at the wheel, I should take the blame-“

“You think I haven’t shuffled blame before? You know neither of us have ever cared about morals and virtue.”

“That may be true, but this is still a huge risk. One I’m not willing to let you take for me!”

“Well too bad, because I refuse to allow you to keep on like this. If you don’t let me help, I’ll find a way to do something on my own.”

“Max, what the hell has gotten into you? Why can’t you let me sort out my own problems- or just throw me in jail already?”

“Because I love you, you nitwit!”

There was a long, charged silence. The tension of argument melted away, leaving something else entirely in its place.

“I… I think I love you too. And I don’t want you to get hurt. You have no idea the things this guy will do to you.”

Max held Andy’s hand, up on the table. “You’re right, I don’t. But I know with our combined minds, we can outsmart him.”

Andrew took a deep, shuddering breath. “Do you really think so?”

Maxwell nodded. “The Antigone family has done enough damage. It’s about time someone put a stop to it. I only have one condition.”

“That being?”

“For both of our sakes, you need to drop your game. Once Nikos is in prison, well…”

Andrew nodded and pondered for a moment. “I’d need something else after the fact- to keep me entertained. But yes, for you, I will.”

“Then our plot can be your last heist. Any ideas as to a replacement?”

“You could marry me, and we could run away together. Be musicians in Vienna till’ we’re old,” Andy smirked.

Max giggled. “Ask me again in three years.”

And then he gave Andy the most lovestruck look. Andy returned it. They glanced at their pose- they were awfully close.

“I’d ask if I could kiss you, but there’s a table in the way,” Andy whispered with a quiet laugh.

“Just get over here, you,” Max then pulled a laughing Andy by his tie to the nearest wall, moving close, only to be stopped.

“Hang the hell on, you’re the short one, shouldn’t you be the one-“

Max swatted Andy’s arm. “Oh, shut up.” And with that, they finally closed the gap.

Andy smelled like fresh cakes, and Max like old books. Where the thief tasted like strawberries, the detective was like tea with milk; both felt like smooth butter.

Andy’s arms were strong as he lifted Max and held him so close. They stood like that for a long time, pausing only to dash upstairs. Andrew had only one thought before his mind went blank with bliss.

Antigone thinks he can use me as a puppet. Poor man has no idea what he’s messing with.

[sif-the-tsunami]

Ropes and Roses, Intro

A/N: Well hello, I had no idea that this was going to be something that other people wanted, please bear with me, I haven’t written in like fifteen years, so I’m not super familiar with the way fanfiction formatting has changed, so I’m using what comes naturally to me. 

Content warning: none really, maybe a little bit of insecurities stemming from perfectionism. I wanted to just introduce both of the mains in this one. This will become more adult in a little bit. Some spicy language also.

If this is also the title of something else, I can change it, its 3:30 AM and I can’t think of what else to call it.

Word count: Approx. 1300

“I’m sorry, Henry, you need to work on your flexibility. You are an incredibly strong person, but you need to move gracefully, more like a hockey player, not a soldier.” He hears the words repeat in his head over and over. What kind of bullshit was this? Henry had been working on his body, wellness, and was in the best shape of his life. The comments made by the director wrecked his whole day and to make matters, and his temper, worse was the fact that he felt disappointed in himself for letting the words ring in his ear. “I have a friend who I think will help you, she’s a dance instructor. Here, her name is Elizabeth, give her call.”

The beast of a man sat on his couch, the dance studio was twenty minutes away from his house in London. The director just said he had to pass as gentleman who enjoyed the seduction and intimacy of dancing as means of manipulation. He wouldn’t have to be ballroom competition ready, fortunately. He flipped his phone around in his hands for a few minutes and groaned to himself. Henry grabbed the card from his pocket and dialed the number.

“Thank you for calling the Rosehill Dance Studio, this is Mary, how can I help you?” A sweet voice asked as clear as a bell.

“Hello. My name is Hank, I was informed that I need to take some dance classes, and I was wondering if there was an intro class I could enroll it.”

“What kind of lessons are you looking for? We offer tango lessons, different ballroom, a couple difference versions of swing dancing...”

He cut her off in anxious embarrassment, “I need to learn how to do a waltz. I would prefer for the lessons to be private. I was told to ask for Elizabeth.”

Henry was never a fan of admitting defeat, but he knew that if he didn’t learn this, it would be the only scene that required a body double. He would be damned if that was the only thing he couldn’t do. He looked at his feet, and shuffled slightly.

“I don’t have any with Ms Rosehill for about the next six weeks.”

“I was told to be prepared for that, would you mind asking her if she should make an exception. This is a favor for Gregory Chapman.”

“Oh, I will need to put you on a brief hold.” Mary said, surprised by the name drop. After about two minutes of cheery hold music, she picked up the line and said “The earliest Ms Rosehill can see you is this Thursday, she asks that you be at the studio before 7PM. Please bring clothes you are comfortable stretching in, and the shoes you will be dancing in. If you cannot make it to the studio by your appointment time, please call us before hand no later than an hour ahead of time. Do you have any other questions?”

Henry thanked the receptionist and told her he had no further questions. He set his phone down on his lap, and looked at Kal who was nuzzling his other side. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on the dog’s forehead and realized that maybe he was too stiff. The work he has done previously required him to be massive, the role he was performing now as this villain required more fluidity than brutality. This character was the anti-August Walker. While he looked forward to not playing another well meaning good guy, he wanted to really sink his teeth into the possibility of expanding his repertoire.

______

Thursday came too quickly for Henry’s taste. He arrived at the studio promptly at 6:45PM and looked around the lobby. A loud, clear countdown was exclaimed and then the dancers began their routine. The music coming from behind a curtain was absolutely not was he was expecting. However neither was the instructor. He walked around to where he could watch and saw a dainty looking woman in front of the other group of women. They were all facing towards the wall length mirrors and looked so happy. This was a space for them, for their joy, and no one else’s. He knew he should not be observing this but he couldn’t stop. The tribal drumming was strangely soothing to him. The eight women moved perfectly together, they were seamless. He could tell she was leading the class from several verbal cues she was giving the students to indicate transitions and movement. He watched the women sway, shimmy and turn as if he were stuck in a trance. As the music ended, she pulled a phone out of her leggings pocket and paused the playlist. She looked towards the door and their eyes connected. She had the most adorable half grin Henry had seen in a long time. The look on her face said that she caught him like an unruly child sneaking a cookie. “Wonderfully done tonight ladies, I am so happy how far we have all gotten with this choreography. I think you all will ready for the studio’s recital next Sunday. Give yourself a hand, you are all so fantastic.” She was an American, it seemed. Henry pulled his baseball hat down a little as the women dispersed. The short-haired woman came to the front and observed the tall man in her lobby. “Hello, you must be Mr. Cavill. Please don't be surprised, Greg called me this morning to see if you and I were going to work together. It is a pleasure to meet you, I am Elizabeth Rosehill.” She reached her hand out to shake his. “Thank you for being on time.” “I thought I was early.” He smiled politely at his new instructor. There was something about the way she said Mr Cavill that made him feel like he was back in boarding school and he needed to be on his best behavior. “Early is on time, on time is late, Mr. Cavill.” She smiled back, just as polite. Her voice was clear, and her words were precise. “Please remember that for our future lessons. It was brought to my attention that you wish to be able to ballroom dance for an upcoming project. I will do my best to teach you but I need to know you will be as dedicated to this as you are your regular workouts.” “Yes, ma’am, I will do my best.” His voice cracked, he cleared his throat. Was he always this nervous when talking to women? She gestured to him with her hands and a warm smile to follow her. “May I ask what kind of dancing you were doing? It was beautiful.” “That was American Tribal Style belly dancing. It has fallen out of popularity back home, but I’ve been able to find pockets of women, and men in some cases, across the UK that seem to still enjoy it. It is a little less flirty than cabaret style which is probably what you associate belly dancing with. So to begin, I would really like to see how flexible you are, so we can sort out what sort of dance you will be learning. I am going to go lock the front door to make sure we are not interrupted, and in the mean time I need you to grab us two of the yoga mats. I would like for you to set them up parallel to each other, far enough apart so when we do some stretches we will not knock our heads together. Can you do that for me?” “Yes, absolutely.” “Thank you Mr Cavill, we will begin shortly.”

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: His Name Is Alive

While Warren Defever’s name is perhaps less recognizable than that of his band His Name Is Alive, he’s also been connected with a seemingly endless array of other projects: Princess Dragon-Mom, Elvis Hitler, ESP Beetles, Control Panel, and far more. This doesn’t get into his recording and production credits for the likes of Michael Hurley, Iggy and the Stooges, and Mdou Moctar. Forever associated with Michigan’s weirdo-underground music scene, Defever has recently been issuing a series of long-buried recordings as His Name Is Alive. In February, the Disciples label released Hope Is a Candle, the third and final volume in the "Home Recordings" trilogy exploring Defever's teenage tape experimentation as well as A Silver Thread (Home Recordings 1979 - 1990), a four-volume collection of many of Defever’s solo home recordings prior to His Name Is Alive releasing their debut album Livonia on 4AD in 1990. In his review of A Silver Thread, Tim Clarke writes “For a collection of home recordings, what’s most striking about this music is how fully realized and carefully executed it sounds, comparable at times to contemporary artists such as Grouper, Benoît Pioulard and Tim Hecker. This is not the 1980s that I remember.”

Defever gives us his “What Else Is New” list, a set of personal snapshots, memories of a life spent in music, warning the reader that “the descriptions don’t always have an obvious correlation to the video, but welcome to my nightmare brain.”

In The Line of Fire

I started performing when I was five. My grandfather was a self-taught musician from Saskatchewan in Western Canada and he showed me and my brothers how to play banjo, guitar and fiddle. One of my earliest memories is having a full size 127 lb. accordion placed onto my lap and my grandmother voicing her disappointment when I refused to play. I did learn slide guitar from her later though. I have many, often terrible, memories of performing at square dances with his band and we would play old timey country music, folk songs, polkas and waltzes. There were also gigs at the trailer park, old folks homes and a convent. Although my grandfather believed that popular music died with Hank Williams in 1953, he still found room in his heart for Lawrence Welk and Slim Whitman.

Meet Me By The Water

By age ten I had a tape recorder and was using it to capture the sounds of nearby lakes, thunderstorms, and my older brothers LP collection played at the wrong speeds. I recently found the cassette, Echo Lake (1983) which features waves crashing onto the beach on the Canadian side of Lake St. Clair but it was recorded right after I got an echo pedal so it’s got a heavy dose of dreamy delay. Tape loops of the next door neighbor raking leaves and shoveling the driveway would be repurposed a few years later as rhythm tracks on the first His Name Is Alive LP, Livonia (4AD, 1990). Detroit in the late 70s and early 80s had totally insane radio and one of the highlights was Met-Ezzthetics, a late night show on WDET hosted by Faruq Z. Bey who also played saxophone in Griot Galaxy. Shortly before his death he played with His Name is Alive and we had a chance to formalize our student-teacher relationship.

Search For Higher Energies

In high school I was studying Bach Chorale harmonization and counterpoint during the day but recording and touring with the band Elvis Hitler at night. The other guys in band were older but at 16 I was a familiar sight at shitty Detroit punk clubs and Hamtramck dive bars, the nerdy teenager reading a book or doing homework sitting at the bar waiting ’til midnight or 1am for our slot to play our hellbilly hits, “It’s A Long Way From Berlin To Memphis,” and “Hot Rod To Hell.” I was still trying to make sense of the post 1953 music scene and when I met the guy with a giant afro and shiny super hero outfit complete with shiny cape I had no idea he was Rob Tyner of the MC5. We released three records before I was twenty one and played shows and toured with Devo, the Dwarves, the Dead Milkmen, Reverend Horton Heat, the Beat Farmers, Helios Creed, Babes In Toyland, the Cro-Mags, Corrosion of Conformity, the Frogs, the Gories, Pussy Galore, the Unsane and way more I can’t remember I was just a kid. It was some kind of education.

You Don’t Have To Go Home But You Can’t Stay Here

When I signed with 4AD I thought I was a composer and they let me write my own bio, so I called His Name Is Alive the work of a “fucked up, irresponsible teenage composer.” I had only been writing music for three years. When I heard “Tom Violence” by Sonic Youth I thought for the first time in my life, “I think I could do that.” In 1988 I made a mixtape with Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car, Leadbelly and some of Big Star’s third album and I tried to arrange it like it was an album, then I made my own album in that same shape, it was called I Had Sex With God and I sent it to 4AD. Our first album contained three of the first five pieces of music I had ever written. Within a few years I was playing festivals for contemporary classical composers and new age artists who were thirty or forty years older than me. His Name Is Alive played the Musicas Visuales Festival in Mexico with Harold Budd, Paul Horn and Jorge Reyes. The mayor of the city presented me with a guitar but then dramatically walked out of the theater during our performance realizing he had made a terrible mistake. I remember the surreal moment when from across the room Harold Budd walked in and greeted me as “Mr. Defever.” He had a cold and was sniffling during his set, the audience thought he was crying. I recorded his show and when I got back home to Livonia I added my own guitar to some of his songs and then edited the tapes, looping my favorite parts and editing out the parts I didn’t like, also adding additional layers of reverb and echo. More recently I did a concert in a five hundred year old temple in Japan where the unamplified meditation music never rose above a whisper and the monk had to turn off the furnace because the heat molecules were too loud. The show was recorded and released under the name Mountain Ocean Sun and features Ian Masters and Hitoko Sakai.

Energy Dealer

Both my parents were born in Canada, my mother in Saskatchewan, my father in Ontario. I have dual citizenship as my father was American and my mother had Canadian citizenship. I spent summers, holidays and weekends in a tiny cottage on Lake St. Clair that did not have a telephone and had curtains instead of doors separating the two rooms. Myrt Fortin who lived next door would receive phone calls for my mom, walk over to our place and yell into the window, “Hey wake up your ma, your dad’s on the phone.” My mom took a lot of naps, so she was always asleep when something important was happening. I remember always getting cut on broken glass while swimming in the lake or getting stabbed by one of the neighbors and having to go wake up my mom to take me to the hospital.

Lord I Don’t Believe You Exist

When I was ten my parents sat me down and told me it was time that I got a summer job. There were only two businesses in town, a gas station and a hardware store so I walked up to the hardware store and asked the owner for a job and immediately fell to the ground crying. Completely fell apart. He asked me why I wanted to work in hardware. I didn’t know what to say, I was only ten but I knew not to tell the owner that his store was stupid and I didn’t think he could handle the truth. It turned out he also owned the gas station so that didn’t really work out. Later that summer, I began working for the Pickseed Corporation as corn de-tasseling season was just beginning. All the moms would drop off their kids in the church parking lot in Tecumseh, just outside of Windsor, around 4:30am where an unmarked windowless cargo van was waiting that had cinderblocks and 2'x4' boards instead of benches so they could squeeze in the maximum amount of children. There were three job requirements to work in a cornfield, the child (it was only children, no adults) needed to show up with a baseball hat, a thermos with water and a large black plastic garbage bag. I think this was before sunglasses were invented. Upon arriving at the cornfield, we were separated into pickers and checkers, younger kids each taking a row of corn (a row could extend a mile or more) and a slightly older kid would organize and manage several of the younger kids. In the morning we were instructed to poke two arm holes and a head hole into our garbage bags and put it on like a raincoat because the corn was covered in dew and kids wearing wet clothes would walk slower than dry kids. So almost every day there was a point, usually around 11am when the dew would dry and we would be roasted alive from the summer sun coming down on our ridiculous shiny black plastic outfits. We worked from sun up until sun down. I received three dollars and thirty five cents an hour. For all you city folks, corn is planted in alternating rows of types of corn so that when the top part of the plant is removed, or “de-tasseled,” it can seed or cross-pollinate easily. It’s a terrible job with a high turnover rate and every day I would hear the sound of kids in nearby rows that had given up hope, sat down in the middle of the field and crying for hours. The following year, at age 11, I was promoted from picker to checker, and was put in charge of a group of about ten sixteen year old’s.

Sleep It Off

Mostly I like to record – His Name is Alive has over a hundred releases and I’ve done another fifty records under various names, Control Panel, Warren Michael Defever, ESP BEETLES, ESP SUMMER, Forest People, Infinity People, Jeepers Creepers, Layla al-Akhyaliyya, Mirror Dream, Princess Dragon-Mom, the Dirt Eaters, the Fishcats, the Whales, plus way more I can’t remember probably because the names were so dumb. I’ve recorded about four hundred records for other bands at my house or other studios. I’ve worked on records with Danny Kroha, Ida, Fred Thomas, Elizabeth Mitchell, Wild Belle, Michael Hurley, and when I was a teenager I helped record the first Gories album which was especially unique as I was the junior assistant engineer who helped move their equipment into the dirt floor garage next to the studio where it was decided the acoustics would be way worse. Also, I helped collage about a hundred Destroy All Monsters tapes from the 70s for a couple of their releases which led to remastering a bunch of tapes from the John Sinclair White Panther Party archives. I’ve done remixes for Thurston Moore and Yoko Ono and when Iggy and The Stooges started touring again I got a phone call from Ron Asheton seeing if I would help them record demos for their reunion album with Mike Watt on bass. They wrote the songs together while they were recording in Niagara’s basement sort of simultaneously. Iggy didn’t have a notebook with all his lyric ideas, instead he just sang about whatever happened that day – one song was about the airline losing his luggage, one about ATM machines and another was about reading in a newspaper that Ray Davies of the Kinks had been shot in New Orleans. In the end they weren’t terribly excited by my suggested song titles including “No Shirt” (you know because it’s like “No Fun” plus you know Iggy never wears a shirt) and they didn’t seem to love the mixes that I did that sounded kind of like those crappy Raw Power bootlegs.

Cost Of Living

Two summers ago I recorded an incredible concert by Mdou Moctar live at Third Man Records in Detroit. They’re wild hypnotic Hendrix style jammers who live in the desert. The band didn’t speak much english but I think I was able to communicate to them how excited I was about their amazing fingerpicking and hot guitar solos after the show by screaming and replaying the best solos over and over again and then screaming the word fuzz and pointing at their fingers. It’s insane and having seen them a few times since then with a different drummer and the addition of a bass player, I’m convinced it’s their best album. It’s wild but it’s still not Tchin-tabaraden wedding wild.

Licked By Lions

Jonathan Richman walks into Ethan and Gretchen's studio and asks if I can remove all the rugs, take the acoustic treatments off the walls and strike the baffles which normally separate the instruments, drums and amps, so the room will have the most echo possible, he has also invited about ten friends including Johnny Bee Badanjek the drummer from Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels and Mary Cobra from the Detroit Cobras to dance, sing and play percussion in the studio while he records. He has two vocal microphones set up at either end of the room and has brought his own microphones for the drums along with his own desired placement for them. He notices a tamboura near the control room and asks if I know how to play it or if I know how to tune it. Within seconds he’s tuned it and proceeds to sing Indian classical music accompanying himself on tamboura drone for about thirty five minutes. It’s beautiful and very surprising. He asks me if I recorded it, I lie and say no. Later he asks me not to play it for anyone. We record for hours. Some songs are quite long – ten and fifteen minutes, some are medleys of oldies or soft rock hits from the seventies segueing into new songs of his. It’s a confusing session as it’s not clear when songs are starting and ending and he often plays guitar and sings nowhere near a microphone. The distance between him and the microphone seems to have some meaning, there’s some formula to when he chooses to walk away in the middle of a verse but I am unable to determine the secret code. At the end of the session three or four songs are deemed usable, edited and mixed, although, sadly, an attempt at a completely insane and unexpected fuzz guitar solo is left unreleased. (The Harold Budd piece is at the opposite end of this spectrum.)

Calling All Believers

Shortly after Tecuciztecatl was released, I received an email from Dr. James Beacham at CERN inviting us to perform at a series of concerts that would combine experimental music with experimental science at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland. He didn’t contact our booking agent, which would be how we generally receive offers for gigs, instead he sent an email to me, which would be how we generally receive crazy messages from our completely insane fans (murderous, delusional, poetic, threatening messages usually). I assumed the invitation was fake or a prank and replied that we would prefer to wait until they had successfully opened a pathway to interspatial dimensions and we’d play on the other side or that if that was unlikely to happen at a convenient time then perhaps we could set up our equipment right on the edge of a mini-black hole and perform as the Earth is being destroyed so we could release the concert film “Live At The End Of The World.” After a few messages back and forth, it was clear that he was legit and I apologized for being such a jerk. Soon I discovered poetry within the language of particle physics as well as a certain beauty in the idea that these scientists have devoted their lives to dreaming, searching and discovering basic principles that connect all things in existence. The song “Calling All Believers” refers to this devotion. “Energy Acceleration” compares the scientists to monastic life in medieval times and mystics trying to find and define the line between this world and the next and at the same time invoking the incredible amounts of energy needed to create the collisions experiments. The Patterns of Light LP was released in 2016 on London London Records and is about interpreting visions of light, trying to find universal truth with whatever tools available, it’s about the search for how everything works, why it works and how it got that way but also about being inspired on a basic level by the way a thing looks and how all your senses take in a thing. A thousand years ago Hildegard Von Bingen was writing about this same thing in letters, songs, medical texts, and had even developed her own language to use in her mystical writings, similar to Magma drummer Christian Vander using his own language for their concept albums or French black metalists Brenoritvrezorkre and Moëvöt.

The Light Inside You

We get a lot of letters from fans, mostly weirdos though. I think it started when we released Song of Schizophrenia, that sort of connected us to a certain demographic I suspect. Here’s a recent typical message we received. “Growing up in Panama City, Mouth By Mouth and Livonia were like passages to other realms. I drank a ton of cough syrup at the time but those albums helped make life more livable. I was about to go to art school for sculpture and graphic design and the textures I heard on those records had actual shapes to them. Most music I knew at that time was flat or linear. I got them on cassette via mail-order from an ad placed in a bmx magazine. Mouth By Mouth arrived just before going to work at the amusement park and I was able to listen to it twice on the way thanks to the never-ending beach traffic. As luck would have it, I worked on “The Abominable Snowman” ride, basically a tilt-a-whirl inside a dome with lots of fog machine action, blue lights, mirrors, and lots of air conditioning. It took about 10 listens that day before it wasn’t as weird as when I first put it on. Maybe it was my bubblegum flavor/robitussin combo slushie on top of no-doz that pulled it all together, but it was probably a weird ride for a lot of vacationing beach tourists and townies when all they really wanted to hear was “Naughty by Nature” by O.P.P. I had no business running those rides at the age of 17 but I really loved how disorienting that ride could be with all the mirrors, the fog, the cold and for the final 90 seconds the ride would go in reverse. I had a buddy named Kevin that did acid at work and would repeatedly run the mini-train off the tracks and all the riders had to walk back through the woods for about a half mile that summer.”

[theasguardians]

3 Of The Top 9 Reasons That The Real Estate Bubble Will be Bursting

If you own real estate or are thinking of buying housing then you better pay attention, because this could be the most important message the user gets this year regarding real estate and your financial future. The last all 5 years have seen explosive growth in the real estate market and as a result a lot of us believe that real estate is the safest investment you can make. Well, that may be no longer true. Rapidly increasing real estate prices have made the real estate market to be at price levels never before observed in history when adjusted for inflation! The growing number of people concerned about the real estate bubble means there are less attainable real estate buyers. Fewer buyers mean that prices are decreasing. On May 4, 2006, Federal Reserve Board Governor Susan Blies stated that "Housing has really like peaked". This follows on the heels of the new Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke saying that he was concerned the "softening" of the real estate market would hurt the economy. As well as former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan previously described the authentic estate market as frothy. All of these top financial industry professionals agree that there is already a viable downturn in the market, therefore clearly there is a need to know the reasons behind this change. 3 of the top 9 reasons that the real estate bubble will probably burst include: 1 . Interest rates are rising - house are up 72%! 2 . First time homebuyers are costed out of the market - the real estate market is a pyramid and the base is crumbling 3. The psychology from the market has changed so that now people are afraid of your bubble bursting - the mania over real estate has ended! The first reason that the real estate bubble is bursting is without a doubt rising interest rates. Under Alan Greenspan, interest rates were within historic lows from June 2003 to June 2004. These low interest rates allowed people to buy homes that were more pricey then what they could normally afford but at the very same monthly cost, essentially creating "free money". However , time of low interest rates has ended as interest rates have been rising and definitely will continue to rise further. Interest rates must rise to beat inflation, partly due to high gasoline and food rates. Higher interest rates make owning a home more expensive, thus operating existing home values down. Higher interest rates are also affecting people who bought adjustable mortgages (ARMs). Adjustable mortgages experience very low interest rates and low monthly payments for the first several years but afterwards the low interest rate disappears and the regular monthly mortgage payment jumps dramatically. As a result of adjustable mortgage quote resets, home foreclosures for the 1st quarter of 2006 are up 72% over the 1st quarter of 2005. The foreclosure situation will only worsen as interest rates continue to keep rise and more adjustable mortgage payments are adjusted to a more significant interest rate and higher mortgage payment. Moody's stated which will 25% of all outstanding mortgages are coming up for interest rate resets during 2006 and 2007. That is $2 trillion of U. S. mortgage debt! When the payments strengthen, it will be quite a hit to the pocketbook. A study done through one of the country's largest title insurers concluded that 1 . contemplate million households will face a payment jump in 50% or more once the introductory payment period is over. The actual reason that the real estate bubble is bursting is the fact that new homebuyers are no longer able to buy homes on account of high prices and higher interest rates. The real estate current market is basically a pyramid scheme and as long as the volume of buyers is growing everything is fine. As homes are purchased by first time home buyers at the bottom of the pyramid, the newest money for that $100, 000. 00 home goes right up the pyramid to the seller and buyer of a $1, 000, 000. 00 home as people sell one particular home and buy a more expensive home. This double-edged blade of high real estate prices and higher interest rates seems to have priced many new buyers out of the market, and now our company is starting to feel the effects on the overall real estate market. Sales will be slowing and inventories of homes available for sale are intensifying quickly. The latest report on the housing market showed new place sales fell 10. 5% for February 2006. The largest one-month drop in nine years. The third valid reason that the real estate bubble is bursting is that the mindsets of the real estate market has changed. For the last five years the particular estate market has risen dramatically and if you bought real estate property you more than likely made money. This positive return just for so many investors fueled the market higher as more individuals saw this and decided to also invest in real estate prior to they 'missed out'. The psychology of any bubble market, whether we are talking about the stock market or the estate market is known as 'herd mentality', where everyone 's coming the herd. This herd mentality is at the heart regarding any bubble and it has happened numerous times in the past as well as during the US stock market bubble of the late 1990's, japan real estate bubble of the 1980's, and even as far back as the US railroad bubble of the 1870's. The herd mentality had fully taken over the real estate market until recently. The bubble continues to rise as long as there is a "greater fool" to buy from a higher price. As there are less and less "greater fools" available or willing to buy homes, the mania disappears. When the hysteria passes, the excessive inventory which was built during the boom time causes prices to plummet. This is true for all three of the historical bubbles already stated and many other historical examples. Also of importance to note will be that when all three of these historical bubbles burst the usa was thrown into recession. With the changing in attitude related to the real estate market, investors and speculators are becoming scared that they will be left holding real estate that will lose cash. As a result, not only are they buying less real estate, however are simultaneously selling their investment properties as well. It is producing huge numbers of homes available for sale on the market at the same time who record new home construction floods the market. These two boosting supply forces, the increasing supply of existing homes for sale including the increasing supply of new homes for sale will further exacerbate the problem and drive all real estate values down. A recent survey showed that 7 out of 10 people feel the real estate bubble will burst before April 2007. This change in the market psychology from 'must own properties at any cost' to a healthy concern that realty is overpriced is causing the end of the real estate market increase. The aftershock of the bubble bursting will be enormous also it will affect the global economy tremendously. Billionaire real estate investor George Soros has said that in 2007 the will be in recession and I agree with him. It is my opinion we will be in a recession because as the real estate bubble bursts, jobs will be lost, Americans will no longer be able to cash through money from their homes, and the entire economy will reduce speed dramatically thus leading to recession. In conclusion, the three purposes the real estate bubble is bursting are higher rates; first-time buyers being priced out of the market; and the mindset about the real estate market is changing. The recently published information "How To Prosper In The Changing Real Estate Market. Protect Your body From The Bubble Now! " discusses these items in further detail. Louis Hill, MBA received his Masters Trading Administration from the Chapman School at Florida International College, specializing in Finance. He was one of the top graduates on his class and was one of the few graduates inducted towards the Beta Gamma Business Honor Society. Mr. Hill been given his undergraduate degree from the University of Florida along with a double major in Finance and Risk Management. For those past several years he has been working in a South South carolina commercial real estate lender that specializes in financing real estate administrators. Mr. Hill has seen firsthand the challenges as well as pitfalls that real estate developers are experiencing, and the real estate market has been deteriorating rapidly. He is also a professional expert to professional real estate developers and investors. Previously, the person was in management consulting. Additionally , he was a professional trader in the stock market and witnessed the stock market bubble unfolding in 2001 and now is concerned about the real estate bubble.