#mr krabs interview

[disengaged]

i applied on a client & court representative job (casual/irregularly scheduled) back in the summer and i completely forgot about it, but they just sent me assessments to do and an interview time slot and i’m like. NOOOOOO I WANT THE JOB SO BAD ……..

[cy-cyborg]

The Untrustworthy Fake: Disability Tropes

[ID: A screenshot of Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as he limps towards a crowd using a cane. In the picture, he has a brown top hat in his hand, and he's wearing a suit with a purple jacket, multicoloured bow tie and cream coloured pants. Beside him is text that reads: "Disability Tropes, The untrustworthy Fake" /End ID]

Tell me if this sounds familiar: A new character is introduced into a story with some kind of disability - usually visible but not always. Maybe they're a seemingly harmless person in a wheelchair, maybe they're a one-legged beggar on the street, or maybe they're an elderly person with a cane and a slow, heavy limp. But at some point, it's revealed it's all a ruse! The old man with a cane "falls" forward and does a flawless summersault before energetically springing back up to his feet, the wheelchair user gets to their feet as soon as they think the other character's backs are turned, the one legged beggar's crutch is knocked out of his hand, only to have his other leg pop out of his loose-fitting tunic to catch him.

All of these are real examples. Maya and The Three introduces one of it's main protagonists, Ricco, by having him pretend to be missing a leg in order to con people (something that works on the protagonist, at least at first), Buffy The Vampire Slayer had the character Spike, pretend to be in a wheelchair, until the other characters leave and he gets up, revealing it's all a ruse and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory introduces Wonka by having him slowly limp out into the courtyard of the factory, only for his cane to get stuck, causing him to "fall" and jump back up, revealing that he's actually perfectly fine. Virtually every single major crime show in the past few decades has used this trope too, from CSI to The Mentalist, Castle, Law and Order and Monk all having at least one episode featuring it in some way. Even the kids media I grew up with isn't free from it; The Suite Life of Zack & Cody sees Zach faking being dyslexic after meeting someone who actually has the condition in the episode Smarter and Smarter and the SpongeBob SquarePants episode Krabs vs Plankton has Plankton fake needing a wheelchair (among other injuries) after falling in the Krusty Krab as a ploy to sue Mr Krabs and trick the court into giving him the Kraby Patty Formula.

No matter the genre or target audience though, one thing is consistent: this trope is used as a way to show someone is dishonest and not to be trusted. When the trope is used later in the story, it's often meant to be a big reveal, to shock the audience and make them mad that they've been duped, to show the characters and us what this person (usually a villain) is willing to stoop to. Revealing the ruse early on though is very often used to establish how sleazy or even how dangerous a character is and to tell the audience that they shouldn't trust them from the get go. Gene Wilde (The actor who first played Willy Wonka) even said in several interviews that this was his intent for Wonka's character. He even went so far as to tell the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that he wouldn't do the film without that scene because of how strongly he felt this trope was needed to lay the foundations for Wonka's questionable intentions and motivations. His exact words are: "...but I wouldn't have done the film if they didn't let me come out walking as a cripple and then getting my cane stuck into a cobble stone, doing a forward somersault and then bouncing up... the director said, well what do you want to do that for? and I said because from that point on, no one will know whether I'm telling the truth or lying."

There's... a lot of problems with this trope, but that quote encapsulates one of the biggest ones. whether intentionally or not, this trope ends up framing a lot of actual disabled people as deceitful, dishonest liars. Now I can already hear you all typing, What?! Cy that's ridiculous! No one is saying real disabled people are untrustworthy or lying about their disabilities, just people who are faking!

but the thing is, the things often used in this trope as "evidence" of someone faking a disability are things real disabled people do. A person standing up from their wheelchair or having scuff-marks on their shoes, like in the episode Miss Red  from The Mentalist isn't a sign they're faking, a lot of wheelchair users can stand and even walk! They're called ambulatory wheelchair users, and they might use a wheelchair because they can't walk far, they might not feel safe walking on all terrains, they might have unstable joints that makes standing for too long risky, they might have a heart condition like POTS that has a bigger impact when they stand up or any number of other reasons. Also even non-ambulatory wheelchair users will still have scuff marks from things like transferring and bumping into things (rather hilariously, even TV Tropes calls this episode out as being "BS" in it's listing for this trope, which it refers to as Obfuscating Disability). A blind beggar flinching or getting scared when you pull a gun on them isn't a sign they're faking their blindness like it is in Red Dead Redemption 2. Plenty of blind people can still see a little bit, it might only be a general sense of light and darkness, it might be exceptionally blurry or just the fuzzy outlines of shapes, or they might only be able to see something directly in front of them, all of which might still be enough to cue the person into what's happening in a situation like that. Even if it's not, the sound of you pulling your gun out or other people nearby freaking out and making noise probably would tip them off. A person needing a cane or similar mobility aid sometimes, but being able to go without briefly or do even "big movements" like Wonka's rolling somersault, doesn't mean they don't need it at all. Just like with wheelchairs, there's a lot of disabilities that require canes and similar aids some days, and not others. Some disabilities even allow people those big, often straining movements on occasion, or allow them to move without the aid for short periods of time, but not for long. Some people's disability's might even require a mobility aid like a cane as a backup, just in case something goes wrong, but that still means you need to carry it around with you, and unless it can fold down, it's easier to just use it.

Disability is a spectrum, and a lot of disabilities vary in severity and what is required of the people who have them day to day. This trope, however, helps to perpetuate the idea that someone who does any of these things (and many others) is faking, which can actively make the lives of disabled people harder and can even put them in very real danger, physically, mentally and even financially.

Just ask any ambulatory wheelchair user about how many times they've been yelled at for using accommodations they need, like disabled toilets or parking spaces. How many times they've been accused of faking and even filmed without their consent because they stood up in public, even if it was to do something like get their wheelchair unstuck or as simple as them standing to briefly reach something on a high shelf. I've caught multiple people filming me before, so have my friends and family, and it's honestly scary not knowing where those images have ended up. This doesn't just impact the person either, a friend of mine was filmed while standing up to get his daughter (who was about 4 at the time) out of the car. He was lucky to have stumbled across the video a few days later on facebook and contacted the group admins where it was posted to get it taken down, but had he not stumbled across it by chance, pictures with his home address and his car's number plate, his child's face and his face all visible would have just been floating around, all because a woman saw him stand briefly to pick up his daughter.

Many people don't stop at just saying a nasty comment or taking a photo though, a lot of people, when they suspect people are faking, will get violent. I have many friends who have been pushed, slapped in the face, spat on or had their mobility devices kicked out from under them. I've even been in a few situations myself where, had I not had people with me, I think the situation would have turned violent.

There's even been cases where those photos and videos I've mentioned before have been used against real disabled people and they've been reported to their country's welfare system as committing disability fraud. While cases like this are usually resolved *relatively* quickly, in many parts of the world, their payment will be halted while the investigation is in process, meaning they may be without any income at all because of someone else's ignorance. If you're already struggling to make ends meet (which, if you're only living off one of those payments, you probably will be), a few weeks without pay can mean the difference between having a home and being on the streets.

Not to mention that when there's so many stories about people faking a disability in the media, especially when the character is doing it to get some kind of "advantage", such as getting accommodations or some kind of disability benefit, it perpetuates the idea that people are rorting the systems put in place to help disabled people. If this idea becomes prevalent enough, the people in charge start making it harder for the people who need them to access those systems, which more often than not results in disabled people not even being able to access the very systems that are supposed to be helping them. A very, very common example of this is in education where accommodations for things like learning disabilities require you to jump through a ridiculous number of hoops, especially at higher levels, only to have some teachers and professors refuse to adhere to the adaptations anyway because they're convinced the student (and usually disabled students as a whole) is faking.

Yes, the "untrustworthy faker" is a fictional trope, and yes, it does occasionally happen in real life, but not as often as media (including things like news outlets) would have you believe. However, when the media we consume is priming people to look for signs that a disabled person is faking, it has a real impact on real disabled people's lives. "Fake-claiming" is a massive problem for people in pretty much all parts of the disabled community, and it ranges from being just annoying (e.g. such as people spamming and fake-claiming blind people online with "if you were really blind, how do you see the screen" comments) to the more serious cases I mentioned above. It's for this reason a lot of folks in the disabled community ask that people leave this trope out of their works.

[fvzzyelf]

OKAY so ok, i ended up being EXHAUSTED yesterday and fell asleep instead of doing replies ooooop!!

but i am here now and feeling it mr. krabs!!

more ooc chatter under the cut but otherwise.. i'm gettin' to work yall.

so i had an interview today that went well and THEN i got notified i will be moving on the a second batch of interviews for another position and THEN i had an interview about ANOTHER position which might pay me the most if i get it and they would pay for me to go to VA for three weeks of training which sounds amazing tbh...

i think it is gonna be okay yall ahhhh

[bravesung]

I’m   not   feeling   it,   mr.   krabs.

i’m   really   trying   to   power   through   it,   but   it’s   getting   harder   and   harder   to   do   so.   between   a   family   situation,   being   asked   to   interview   for   a   position   at   my   job   with   better   hours / pay   but   then   not   getting   it,   being   overworked / underpaid   and   not   being   able   to   spend   time   with   my   husband   and   daughter   because   of   all   the   hours   I   work   at   my   current   position   and   getting   nothing   to   show   for   it   (   no   raise,   bonus,   etc.   ),   and   just   being   generally   overwhelmed   ––   I   am   at   my   wits   end,   y’all.   I   feel   like   every   day   I   am   a   mess,   crying   my   eyes   out,   unable   to   concentrate,   not   wanting   to   do   anything   or   wanting   to   do   everything   to   take   my   mind   off   things.   

I   .   .   .   I   ain’t   doing   too   well,   honestly.

[tbonechessor]

My Boss is currently consulting me (Dishwasher) about the possible pronoun politics of including a Women/Non-Binary night for the Bar.

I feel like I'm being interviewed by a Progressive Mr. Krabs

[spongebob-connoisseur]

man i just love classic spongebob!!! (slowly slides a copy of 'behind closed doors' across the table)

Ha! I know about Behind Closed Doors. I was kinda on the fence about posting on it here because its so nsfw.

Anyways I know of it. I'm not particularly shocked. I remember Kaz saying in an interview that there was inappropriate stuff drawn of the SB characters and whenever they give tours at the studio, they have to take some of those drawings down/block off certain areas. At least my wish come true and I finally got to see it! I'm quite pleased and quite disgusted too :D

I actually downloaded the images from the book. Remember when the SB pilot got leaked online and Nickelodeon took every trace of it down? Well I'm not letting that happen this time. I'm keeping it. Even if that means I have to have Spongebob dick drawings saved on my phone ://

I know everyone's saying its not a big deal because cartoonists are kinda fucked up and you can guarantee that every show has its own dirty version. But somehow, I just don't like it..? Maybe I'm just sensitive but ehh.. They remind me of what middle school boys draw. I heard there was worse drawings but some didn't get shared online. I heard something about the characters being drawn as Nazis but its not online anywhere, but I can believe it. Cartoonists do be fucked up.

Maybe I'm just a certified h8r of dick jokes and all of its subsidies due to how annoyingly juvenile it is. Idk I kinda don't want to see the characters getting their shit rocked (unless it's a mutual's fan art because I gotta give my homies support despite my nature💯) . But I still feel like y'all could've gotten more creative with it. At least Mr. Krabs taking a mega dump was more creative. Also I CAN TELL who drew that one. That art style, the shit jokes, it doesn't take a genius to figure out who on the crew drew that one.

[eggson-bren]

myself x you the interviewer: squidbob

myself x lithium ion battery: patbob

you the viewer x lithium ion battery: squidward x squilliam

lithium ion battery x lithium ion battery plant: mr krabs x mrs puff

in the end, all ship pairings can be categorized as either squidbob, patbob, squidward x squilliam, or mr krabs x mrs puff. thats just the way things are. if it builds off of a trope theres a spongebob pairing to match it. if you don't understand this then we can't hire you to oversee the production at this lithium ion battery plant

[mudkipgif]

Anyways. Mr krabs I have an interview idea (too tired for enthusiasm rn.)

[waitwiah]

"It was his hat Mr. Krabs; he was number 1!"

\Post04\: What is going on waitwiah fam!

Ope – First let me put a lil’ disclaimer: this is not a motivational post (not for everyone at least).

**TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of *llness (not sure if this counts as a trigger but just in case)

You know that feeling when the vibe is just not right? Like everything feels kind of off, but in a weird way? That is kind of how I’m feeling right now. I’m rummaging through the confines of my mind trying to figure out why I’m receiving rejection after rejection from doctors held in such high esteem. These are top tier doctors from top tier research hospitals. Allegedly.

I find it so very odd that physicians with PhDs in research or those who currently run research studies are not jumping at the chance to solve Ms. Mystery over here. There are so many underdiagnosed diseases (and over diagnosed) that do not have known cures. So. Many. There are people researching the cure to a cancer that affects less than 20 people per year; people researching diseases that only exist in remote populations in one corner of the world. So I know these clinicians exist – the clinicians willing to go the extra mile for their patients, who do not care about riches or fame, those that just want to put good into the world.

However, let me appeal to the money-hungry clinicians for a second: why would you not want the chance to say that you were the person who solved the “unsolvable”? The “too mysterious” condition? To actually find the etiology of the disease of “unknown etiology”? To be the one who publishes that paper, who does those major interviews, the one on the news enjoying the perks that come with making a novel discovery – wouldn’t that be nice? What a dream it would be to find that one person willing to go all Buzz Lightyear for me just to make sure I live past the age of 30… Well – I did find that person.

I found the one group of clinicians (2 to 4) willing to not turn me away or claim that I am merely a lost cause. A waste of hospital funds. A waste of grant money. A waste of time – time that could be spent helping patients with “real diseases”. The doctor I met said he would not stop until he was able to provide me with at least some answers if not a cure or treatment. But something. Something tangible to say, “look! I’m not making this up! I’m in excruciating pain every day of my existence and it's hard to live because of this! See! 120lbs didn’t just disappear for no reason! My intestines don’t work due to this!” But there I go again asking for a little too much. I do have to travel from coast to coast just to see these physicians, but beggars can’t be choosers. In my case, I can never be a chooser of my own clinicians anyway (that’s a story for another time I think).

But is asking for answers too much? Am I going too far? Well, the easiest way to answer this question if you find yourself in a similar predicament is to ask yourself this instead – “Has anyone with a rare disease ever been told they have a rare disease and given its name?” – and if the answer is “fuck yes” (that is the only correct answer actually, sorry), you’re not asking for too damn much. Research for the benefit of a patient is the bare minimum in my opinion. Reading a book to search for answers should come as second nature for a clinician! Maybe that’s a little too motivational…

Before anyone says ANYTHING, I work in the healthcare setting so I see this firsthand – yes, we do have to take into consideration how healthcare in the U.S. is a complete joke, how clinicians are extremely overwhelmed/understaffed/underfunded/underappreciated (amongst other things) and there are some people who really should not be practicing medicine of any kind… The thing is: patients should not have to carry more weight than their own. That right there is actually asking to much. Having a patient wait, like a pot of water on the stove you keep checking on to see if it’s boiling, in a waiting room while you (the clinician, not you beautiful readers of course) are over 90 minutes late to an appointment scheduled months in advance is wild work! Let a patient even think about being 15 minutes late and the whole appointment needs to be rescheduled. This just happened to me last week. Annnnnnd guess what the result was! I bet you didn’t see this coming: the physician was only able to spend 15 brief minutes with me to do a complete body check. This highly sought after physician that schedules out 5 months at a time was only able to spend a little time with me and answer a few of my questions. Then it was on to the next patient who had been waiting close to 2 hours for their appointment to start… That’s not good healthcare. That’s not quality healthcare. That’s rushed, imprecise medicine. That’s not cool.

Ugh – okay, okaaayyyy. I think I have to sprinkle some positivity in here.

Let’s circle back to the “why do physicians keep turning me away?” question.

For me I think it is language used in my medical record that got me and a misdiagnosis that the original physician refuses to change (even after being proved wrong by several tests). I’m a “difficult patient” because I come with my questions prepared or mention an article published in JAMA or something. I “refused treatment” because I could not afford it (group therapy 8 hours per day, 5 days per week) that would force me to QUIT MY JOB, costs $60k USD for the program alone and nearly $10k USD in room and board. And oh yeah – NOT COVERED BY INSURANCE. It took 3 months for Miracle Whip Clinic  (it ain’t safe out here, y’all know that) to amend my medical record to make sure it stated that I did not refuse treatment, but it was that I could not afford it and no payment plans or alternative payment methods were available when asked. But at that point the damage was done.

We will talk about the misdiagnosis thing another time, as that is a long one.

How about I attempt to end this with more positivity: If something is not right in your medical record, or if something just isn’t adding up in that clinic note or your After Visit Summary, ask questions. Speak to your patient advocate. Ask for an amendment to be made or an addendum to be added to your record to correct false information. It’s okay to let a clinician know that certain language can be damaging, or even detrimental to your healthcare and future health. These are the things that are missed by patients because no one takes the time to inform people about their options. Their rights as a patient. Patients are really made to feel like a burden the second a concern is raised and that needs to stop. If only facilities took the time to educate patients about their rights instead of having them sign a 5 page, single-spaced, 8pt font document that reads “YOUR RIGHTS AS A PATIENT” 5 minutes before their appointment starts… I digress.

Remember that you have options. You have the right to raise concerns, even when the clinician rolls their eyes or lets out an exasperated sigh. Your future healthcare team will be using these records to make informed (seemingly so at least) decisions about your care and they will follow you for the rest of your life so they need to be accurate and unbiased. YOU MUST LOOK OUT FOR YOU. Be your #1 advocate. Believe me, there will come a time when that works in your favor exponentially.

As always, you deserve the entire world and then some. ✨❤️

[everyonedni]

The framing device is a news reporter (plushy) doing an interview piece with all the members of the up and coming piece of shit industry

Plushy talks to person about backstory

Scene fades to flashback plushy exits and all characters for backstory enter

At climax/dramatic end song

SONGS

-Plankton duo (Just a greasy stove)

-biggering

-into the woods

-jekel and hyde

-outro by Shrek

Partyshark:

Plays plushy axolotl

Interviewer interviewing different characters

Shrek:

kind of a mr krabs character. He has a reason and backstory for this.

Treats Xavier like Squidward, but worse

Xavi:

Two different characters: Xavier and Xavier’s soul

Manager handling reception

Emerald:

Skincrawler

Joke - I come from Emeraldsville, where nothing ever happens, literally

Justin:

Jekyll and Hyde type character

Party plays reflection

Joke - Mr boopkins makes joke about how instead of doing HR things he will turn people into human resources

SCRIPT ROUGH DRAFT

PART ONE:

PLUSHY: 

Welcome to the broadcast. And welcome to our show. Our story’s super scattered, the genre no one knows.

But we offer tales of past. Seen across the years. Of many different people [yelling]. Lets kick it to high gear!

[lights switch on, plushy walks backward]

[All cast enters]

This is our small little town of New Fredrickson, home to industry and invention. The streets are wide, the allys narrow, and you can find just about anything and i mean ANYTHING on these streets. Wink wonk! 

[music beat every one exits except plushy]

And you might be wondering [in deeper mocking voice] “who are you” well my dear viewer who looks dumb talking to your tv screen I am the head writer and reporter for the moss times. And WE (i say we so you feel included but your doing diddly squat) are interviewing the newest and possibly greatest company to come out of this crumby town!

[Sound of glass being broken as plushy enters a window] [screams]

[plushy is beaten out of window]

Plushy: wrong window

[sound of second window being broken as plushy breaks the correct window]

Xavi soul: Door is over there.

Plushy: Your Xavier right?

Xavi soul: His soul! We’re a bit short-staffed so he’s handling management and im-

[Xavi motions around]

Plushy: neat neat, didn't ask, can I talk to your boss slash body?

Xavi Soul: If you have an appointment

Plushy: I do! Not! Which way is he?

[Xavier soul pauses for a long moment before calling out for Xavier]

[xavier come in from stage (left or right depending on the stage)

Xavier: what.

Xavier soul: the fish wants to talk to you!

Xavier: Do you have an appointment?

PLushy: Nope! 

[pulls out mobile office]

But I won't take too much of your time, take a seat take a seat! Im writing a piece on POS industry and wanted to interview only the most IMPORTANT members.

Xavier: [flatterd] Oh, well in that case, interview away

Plushy: You must be very dedicated to your company to separate your soul from your body!

Xavier: Well about that

INTO XAIVERS BACKSTORY

Xavi’s part:

Xavier: *Drags a cigarette* Tell me, you ever heard of a place called Vallesia?

[Plushy shakes her head]

(I imagine there’s an animation playing in the background as he narrates the scene)

Xavier: It was my home before the war. Lived there with an old friend of mine. To make a long story short he pranked me by making me immortal and condemning me to a life of eternal unrest.

Plushy: It kinda be like that sometimes.

[Xavier nods solemnly]

Xavier: Anyway fast forward a couple thousand years the gods all killed each other or something, the world’s been reborn, but I’m still the same old immortal me. So now I'm thinking: ‘Damn, this undeath curse kinda blows.’ So me and my aforementioned friend set up a lab in Handleberg, thinking we can distill a cure y’know? We needed money to fund our research and well… that's when I met Mr. Doc Shrekbot.

Plushy: That’s the CEO of this place right?

Xavier: Yes ma’am. He put me in charge of management and finances. I was feeling a little hungry one day so I spent some company budget on cupcakes, and also some thigh highs, perfectly reasonable purchase am I right?

Plushy: Definitely. Everyone needs at least one pair of thigh highs.

Xavier: Right? Anyway, turns out $17 was enough to plunge our company into crippling debt so the CEO took my soul as payment.

Xavier’s Soul: Oh! That’s me!

Plushy: So people don’t need souls to live?

Xavier: *Shrugs* I think it’s just cause of the whole “immortal” thing. But yeah, I’m kinda stuck in corporate limbo for now.

COMING BACK OUT OF BACKSTORY

Well, that's certainly going to open you guys up to some sort of lawsuit from some sort of player rights group. Thank you for your time.

[plushy starts to crawls back out of the window to come face to face with Emerald

Emerald: Hey, I'm security, I’m here about someone who broke in by smashing a  window?

Plushy: Huh, didn't see anyone doing… that. Oh! But I'm here to interview members of pos-

Emerald: IT STARTED LONG AGO!

Plushy: oh um well I was hoping for something more recent?

Emerald: IT STARTED VERY LONG AGO

[lights dropped except a single green light over emerald]

INTO EMERALDS BACKSTORY

Emerald’s part:

When I left my hometown of Emeraldsville, where nothing ever happens, literally

and encountered a Pig named steve

(Shrekbot enters wearing a war pig skin)

Steve was no ordinary pig, he was a battle hog

“Hi, nice suit of armor you have”

Shrek: “Thanks. My grandmother died making it”

Emerald: “That’s depressing”

Shrek: “That bitch never baked me cookies, I should throw some dough down there and watch it cook”

(Xavier walks in with granny pig skin and burns using fire resistance potions)

Emerald: This battle hog was not very nice, we became friends quickly, but it was short-lived because of the war that happened between the Pigs and the Emeralds due to lack of cookies

I was drafted into this war after a grenade eating contest went ary and killed my father

(A few extras walk in wearing an assortment of emerald skins)

“Cmon guys why do I have to be the negotiator, nothing good comes of negotiators”

All Extras: “Because you lost the Emerald-Diamond-Gold match”

Emerald: “YOU CHEATED!”

All Extras: “L Bozo”

Emerald: I went into the woods to go negotiate

(Modified version of “Into the Woods” plays)

When I finally got there, the Pigs were ready to attack

(Cuts to extras wearing armor ready to attack)

“Oh god, what do I do”

(Shrek goes right behind Emerald)

Steve: Hello, OLD FRIEND

Emer

OUT OF BACKSTORY

Plushy: Well! That was certainly something. I um. Look at page 80 for your story in the next issue

[lights go off and emerald exits]

Plushy: This is an aside! The paper only has 60 pages

[She slowly backs back into the window and comes face to face with Justin]

Plushy: [startled] HOLY HR! YOU! Your the goat hr. Hr goat. I um. Alright mr…

Boopkin: Boopkin

Plushy: Boopkin, walk with me, I'm interviewing people from pos industry and you are JUST the player I wanted to talk to

Boopkin: You wanted… to talk to the HR guy?

Plushy: YES! Hr is the heart of a company, is it not? Anyways, tell me how you got here!

Boopkin: I walked here

Plushy: I mean here in your life, how did you end up as the HR of POS industry?

Justin’s Part:

Boopkins: Well I didn't used to always be like this, I used to be a regular goat just like the rest of them

Plushy: What do you mean by them?

Boopkins: Turn around

[*shot pans in on goats shuffling in from the background that are there for literally no reason. goats shuffle out of view]

 I was even in the world before the war. Granted I wasn't sentient as I am now, annnnd i didn't have this swanky suit. Made from pure goat fur, might I add.

Plushie: …

Boopkins: What don't look at me like that feel how fluffy this suit is

[ grabs plushies hand and brings it to the arm of the suit] 

Plushy: Oooo that is fluffy, how is it so soft but so sleek looking at the same time (starts feeling the suit more) I wanna play with this joke of plushy just getting addicted to the fluffiness of the suit and just more aggressively feeling the sleeve.

Boopkins: That's just one of the amazing things about goat fur, but that's for another time though I guess, back to the story. 

In the world before the war I was, as I said nothing more than a simple mountain goat. (The pack of goats shuffle into view again and quickly disappear once more)

Plushy: wait where do they ke-

Boopkins: I was simply grazing on a mountain, yknow as we do when it seemed like the whole world itself started to shake. I was then swallowed by a bright light but I found myself on the same mountain completely unchanged. Except for you know sentience and now walking on two legs. Yeah never fully got over that not walking on four legs thing. It's a lot harder to ram someone with only two legs y'know. 

Plushy: *perplexed face*

Boopkins: By the way can you stop feeling my sweater.

Plushy: oops sorry its just reeealy soft. Continue, please 

Boopkins: Anyways, I found myself on the same mountain but everything else was different. A questionable amount of snow and dark oak forests might I add. As if the mountain itself was taken and just put somewhere else. Eventually after struggling down the mountain on two legs, which I later learned was called “Sparkle Peaks” I found others like me in this world who were from the last and eventually through that the now owner of POS noticed my uh… unique… skill set.

Plushy: What kind of skills would that be exactly?

Boopkins: oh you know Human Resources

Plushy: ummm, ok then I think that's, uh, thats all i need. Thank you for the words, Bye

[possibly jump out a window again?]

Shrek: you've asked all my employees this question so I think its only fair I ask you

Plushy: please don't

Shrek: How did you get here

Plushy: I walked?

[silence as Shrek stares at plushy]

Plushy: sigh

Plushy: You know of vallesia,

[derekfoxwit]

[keithal]

phoebe bridgers making out with an elderly woman 🤝 s2 eric bogosian and assad zaman having the most passionate kiss in the history of television

[screenbeanie]

[orderforbrian]

ouuugghhh this comic is OLD but it's still one of my favorites 💖 i made rough blocks when the liveshow came out because jon and martin's meet cute/ugly is SO in character and so wonderfully funny

[Start ID: A two page comic of Jon and Elias from the Magnus Archives with Martin as a side character. Jon is a Persian man with short, dark curly hair and rectangular glasses. There are streaks of grey in his hair and eyebrows. He is wearing a green jacket with a grey sweatervest, white dress shirt, and green tie. Elias is a tan white man with slicked back brown hair, there are streaks of grey in his hair. He is wearing an expensive looking blue suit jacket, vest, dress shirt, and tie. He is also wearing long gold earrings in the shape of a closed eye. Martin is a mixed Polish/Korean man with dark wavy hair and glasses, and a beauty mark on his left chin.

1st panel: Jon slams open the door to Elias' office, looking the picture of rage. He is gripping a piece of paper angrily in one hand. A thought bubble shows a meme image of Spongebob choking Mr. Krabs from the series Spongebob. Elias appears unfazed by the interruption and greets Jon, "Oh! Hello, Archivist. I was wondering when you would finally catch me at my desk, haha."

2nd panel: Off panel, Elias asks "How was your first day?". Jon pushes up his glasses, gripping the paper even tighter and responds, "Undoubtedly horrendous".

3rd panel: Elias gives him an apologetic smile with his hands folded in front of his chest. He says, "Oh dear, that dreadful? Apologies you had to endure such unanticipated distress. What exactly happened to cause this reaction?". There is an arrow pointing to Elias that says "As if he didn't spend relish in every chaotic second".

4th panel: Jon begins to list things off, pointing to each finger as he does. Elias responds intermittently to these.

"Well, to start, the Archives is an ungodly mess. It's going to take ages before it gets sorted out. Why you didn't fire Gertrude is beyond me."

"Mm."

"None of the statements are compatible with modern technology so we've had to resort to using archaic tape recorders."

"Oh."

"And-"

"Oh, there's more."

5th panel: Jon tightens his fists in rage, gradually yelling, "I spent a large portion of my already stressful workday chasing after a bloody dog that your library transfer let loose into the Archives!"

6th: Jon begins to rant, shaking one hand back and forth in frustration. "Why is he there? What qualifications does he have? And absolutely what right? He's from Library, why do we need Library in the Archive staff, much more why him specifically? I requested Tim and Sasha who are far more competent than that - that bumbling idiot! Mr. Bouchard, I'd hate to overstep my boundaries but I really must say this was an unwise decision-". Elias cuts him off, a dialogue bubble with a simplified person smiling. "Oh dear - Archivist..."

Next page

1st panel: Elias gives Jon another apologetic smile. "I sent someone from Library because the Archives desperately needs someone skilled in cataloging. And, evidently, he has a Masters in parapsychology so give him time to prove himself a necessary addition to your assistant team."

2nd panel: Jon appears disgruntled and crosses his arms, grumbling, "Mmn. Well, he has quite a lot to prove after today...Apologies for doubting your decision, but if he continues to hinder our progress I will make my objections very clear." Elias says off panel, "I believe that's a fair compromise. Well, apologies again. As always, I'm open to feedback."

3rd panel: Elias continues off panel. "I'm a bit surprised though...". Jon looks up with wide eyes, a bead of sweat on his face. "Huh?". Elias continues, "You didn't find him the least bit charming? I thought he was rather amused the day of his interview, haha."

4th panel: Jon pushes up his glasses, attempting to hide a blush, and says, "A-as of my current opinion, no. I did not find his ineptitude charming if you'd kindly, Mr. Bouchard."

5th panel: Elias says off panel with a simplified smiling face, "Well, I do hope you all get along soon enough...". Jon presses the paper in his hand to his chin, looking off to the side. He appears disgruntled and is blushing too. Thought bubbles of Martin surround him. One is Martin appearing flustered, his eyes appearing as swirls within his glasses. Another is Martin hovering over Jon, asking if he is okay. Another is Martin looking up with a hand to his chin, stating "I mean...yeah, probably!". The last is Martin holding his glasses and giving a flustered smile, saying "Haha, s-sorry!". Jon thinks to himself, "Hrmm...He might be cute, but he's a complete airhead! Ugh. Hopefully today was just a singular incident."

End ID.]

[absolutebl]

Hey!

As someone who knows nothing about thai language, I found your linguistics explanation quite interesting and it got me wondering about how does the phi/nong work in details, like in the new dsn episode Leon said that Fiat's only a few months older than him and he only calls him P' because he started school yearly. Is it somehow similar to the korean yearly birthday situation?

Thai Honorifics Between Ages in BL & in Real Life 

Technically yes but also... no.

phi/nong/ai - honorifics & pronouns

So anyone born the year(s) before you, and/or in school a grade above you, within a few years (amorphous and somewhat generational) should be called P'+name. This is usually considered polite but not very formal. 

I would say it covers anyone who might be at high school or university with you, so about 4-5 years or so ahead and about 4-5 years or so behind, but it's super flexible. So actors might meet a much older but queer or super hip member of the press who will insist on phi, even though they are a decade or more senior. 

Phi/P’ and nong are gender neutral whether uses as an honorific (P’Name) or as a I/you pronoun phi. 

Very loosely phi when used alone as a noun = older sibling and nong when used alone = younger sibling. (Phi is similar but not the same as senpai in Japanese.) 

For pronouns, the older person will usually use the pronoun version phi to refer to themself as "I" but the younger boy will usually use their own name or pom for I (but rarely nong). 

Both boys will use the particle krab/kap. (Girls use kha.)

BL shows will occasionally mess with this but the actors in interviews are usually really careful about their phi/nongs & krap/khas. 

guu/mueng - I and you rude informal pronouns (used the most in BL), should NEVER be spoken by an outsider until said outsider fully understands the implications. 

The grown up version of all this is khun which is polite, formal, age, and gender neutral. Khun may be used as the you pronoun and as an honorific Khun + Name especially in the workplace. (Thai doesn’t really have a sunbae or sensei form of address.) Khun is usually translated as Mr/Mrs/Ms. To confuse matters Khun is also a first name in Thailand and BL. 

To really confuse matters there are a number of other I/you pronouns (rao, chan, ter) which are (somewhat) gender neutral, definitely situational, and fall into various categories of rudeness, formality, and intimacy. 

Hia

Hia honorific or you pronoun. Hia functions the same as phi but is used only by those with Chinese ancestry, is masculine, and is slightly more household intimate than phi (more strongly associated with actual siblings/cousins/family members). In UWMA Team calls Win hia (and leaves off the P'Win - cheeky boy), but he uses phi and P'Dean for Dean. In Bad Buddy Pat’s sister uses hia with him.

It’s rare to hear hia used IRL on the actor circuit. But NuNew uses it with Zee (Cutie Pie) which is interesting. They have a soft but strict older/younger dynamic (Zee is almost a decade older then NuNew). And Zee has been through the wringer with a pair before so there’s a lot of subtext going on here. You can watch them (and hia) in action here. 

The feminine of hia is jay or je, which is also used in the queer community (usually by request) and often translated as sis, see this use in the flower shop sequence in Oxygen. 

Exceptions IRL:

OhmFluke. Fluke is older than Ohm but refers to him as P'Ohm and Ohm usually uses a nickname or affectionate diminutive (like nu) on Fluke. They decided this early on in their relationship as actors promoting Until We Meet Again. But it seems genuine to their dynamic and friendship. 

So clearly phi/nong has some flexibility of choice built into it socially.

PP & Billkin (I Told Sunset About You) opted for this kind of role reversal as well. 

SantaEarth. Earth clearly does not like how much older he is than Santa so they have negotiated some kind of complicated referral system between them that I still can't quite follow. But I find kinda fascinating to listen to. Thai is a language where you can actually avoid all pronouns most of the time and still clearly communicate. These two seem to do that a lot. 

Exceptions On Screen:

LeonPob. Leon and Pob tackle modes of address many times in Don’t Say No. In ep 10, over the phone Leon says if Pob uses just Pob (no phi) as the “I” pronoun when they are talking, Leon will melt. Pob does, right before hanging up. Then Pob does it again when he’s begging Leon later, and Leon just crumbles. Pob is older but play-acting linguistically younger and Leon (the seme) finds this unbearably CUTE. He also takes it as linguistic submission and permission to take their relationship to the next level. Which it kind of is. 

SibGene. They have an ongoing conversation about this in Lovely Writer. In general couples where the seme is younger than the uke and aggressive about it have linguistic negotiation as part of their relationship. I talk about it here, under age flipped dynamics. 

BohnDuen in My Engineer are abnormal too. I call them linguistic brats. 

Older Generations 

Anyone significantly older than you, like a generation or more above you, and in a casual environment like retail or food service is par/lung|arr AKA auntie/uncle by students (also your parent's friends, in laws and sept parents, friend's parents, and adult neighbors). See par used a lot in Lovely Writer. 

The reverse of this (adult to child) is gender neutral loo. 

Your faen's parents, if they approve the relationship, will likely invite the use of paa/maa. Formal register actually dictates khun maa/paa. 

But the older you are in life, the more you should be using khun instead of any of these. You can see khun grappled with as part of the plot of Lovely Writer and Day’s plot line in SOTUS S. There’s a rise in its use post 2020 as more Thai BLs move into the adult sphere and workplace environments (e.g. Manner of Death and Paint with Love). 

Nong does not work the same a phi

Anyone younger than you technically is a nong but most older kids will actually use no honorific for those younger than them but in the same general age bracket/generation/schooling system. Nong carries with it cute or diminutive connotations. A little like the difference between "my little brother" or "my baby brother" versus "my younger brother." Nong is more babyish. Thus it's more likely to be used across a much wider age gap, or with very specific cute personality types, or romantic entanglements. 

Nong in the third person is different again and almost entirely dependent on circumstances. 

Also nong is often used as the 3rd person pronoun for animals and pets. 

Unlike phi a boy nong will rarely use nong in place of the personal pronoun, he would use pom or his own name with his boyfriend. A girl will usually use chan. However, boys can/do also use chan as an informal I pronoun across age barriers, amongst intimates, and with female friends. Peach uses chan with YoonOh in Peach of Time. 

There is also the diminutive nu/noo. Nu is specifically for younger cuteness, it means mouse - หนู. (Nu has become hotly debated since KinnPosche and Cutie Pie so I talk about it here). 

There's a point where Bhon calls Duen "nong Duen" in My Engineer and clearly absolutely relishes the teasing nature of that, because it's a bit of an insult to Duen's dignity.

In Bad Buddy, Korn uses nong to tease Pat about flirting with Pran. It’s very very funny if you understand the implications of the term under the context of their friendship (equals and age mates) and Pat pretending to be jealous of Wai in order to cope with how much Wai is hurting his boyfriend. 

In Enchante Akk and Theo have a constant teasing back and forth using Nong Theo in particular (they are the same age, so this is a kind of insult flirting).

Dean's friends tease both Pharm and Dean by flirting with Pharm and calling him "nong Pharm" in front of Dean. Partly this is because Pharm is so cute and shy. Just think if they tried that with Team? He'd beat the shit out of them. And Win would hold his jacket while Team punched.

So there's a bit of affection baby-talk to nong as well, once romance is involved. (Much like we use the affectionate term "baby" as English-speaking couples.)

Rao & Ter & Gher

Both genders/ages also have access to (and use) the I pronoun rao (which is ALSO the pronoun for we, sounds like lao) and is... soft? Cutsie? Gentle. Also a tiny bit stiff. It can be used when you don’t want to use guu, or don’t know (or want to know) the age relationship in play. I would say it has an old fashioned tone, but it’s experiencing a resurgence in modern Thai amongst youngsters right now. Yok drops from pom to rao in Not Me only AFTER he and Dan kiss, which is very sweet and gentle. Pete in Love By Chance is a chronic rao user. 

I’ve talked about ter before = เธอ (ter/thoe). We are taught ter as she/her when learning Thai. That would be the formal and polite use but actually it’s rarely spoken that way. It’s not frozen register, it is used as she/her, but not often.

When ter shows up in Thai BLs it tends to show up as you, which application used to be frozen register. AKA originally it entered parlance only in songs/poems in particular (so like thee/thou in English). As you it’s not gender specific. When Tine sings his song to Sarawat at the end of Still 2gether he uses ter for you. In normal conversation, these two characters use mueng. In formal situations they tend to use each others names. But in song, Tine uses ter. It has an old fashioned romantic connotation when used in this way and is often paired with the I pronoun rao as a result.

One time we hear ter=you discussed in BL is He’s Coming to Me. Thun calls his mother ter over the phone, and Mes thinks Thun is talking to a lover. Imagine picking up the phone or running into someone and saying softly, “Hay, you.” It’s sweet. Thun uses ter with his mother instead of maa because, as his mother explains later, maa makes her feel old. This is a bit like giving one’s parent a pet name and is showcasing how close Thun is to her.

Park & Lee (LTR) use ter as their primary love language in My Secret Love, they expose themselves as being a relationship by using ter in public. 

When White is pretending to be Black with Black’s girlfriend in Not Me he struggles with pronouns and then opts for rao/ter, which turns out to be a mistake and nearly gives him away. (She ends up assuming it’s Black going off her and wanting to break up, presumably this means they actually used guu/mueng.)

Here’s a YT vid where a Thai language teacher talks about modern use of ter & rao.

There is also gher which is not polite, it’s not fully rude either, it’s certainly informal. It’s generally used between friends when mueng would be too rude or too much of an invitation. Anda and Bank, who are friends, but not intimates (although Bank would like them to be) use rao/gher with each other in Love Stage! This one is also very common within the queer community and between gay men/women or women/women friends. 

Nai & the Mafia 

So in 2022 Thai BLs seriously started moving setting outside of the school systems and thus added new pronouns (for us watchers) into the mix. KinnPorsche, Even Sun, and Unforgotten Night all use the pronoun nai (นาย) for you between men. Like many honorifics & pronouns, it's derived from a minor title of nobility. In the 19th century it was declared the official courtesy title for adult males - regarded as a direct translation of "Mr". 

It has several different uses today. 

As a title, it only appears before the real given name (not surname), in official/formal contexts, e.g. when writing down one's name on an exam paper, job application, or government form. If used with a nickname, it implies a bit of irony (like a teacher calling out a misbehaving student). 

As a pronoun, it's usually an informal second-person pronoun used with males of equal status. It's a decidedly non-rude word, so it'll be used among friends/classmates if they don't feel close enough to use gu/mueng (or if a person just doesn't use rude pronouns, like swear words there are people who don’t feel comfortable ever saying guu/mueng). 

Rao/nai as pronouns used to be the default mode of address on TV before gu/mueng became acceptable to broadcast in the 2010s. 

When used by females, nai is pretty much equivalent to males using ter with females - so an old fashioned but intimate and sweet, loving. 

On TV, the use of ter/nai is probably most often associated with straight dramas in the acquaintance phase of courting. 

Nai also has the meaning "boss" (similarly to the combined form เจ้านาย (jao nai/chao nai). If it's being used as a pronoun in a more formal or deferential context (like organized crime), it is used in this sense. 

Usage number 2 & 6 are the ones we see in Thai BL. All that said I understand as a tourist in Thailand, you will hear nai but not all that often. It’s fine to use khun instead/back, but good to know to identify nai. 

(I am indebted to my Thai linguistic spy, who is v secretive and shall remain nameless for this information. THANK YOU!!!!) 

The lost Ai (Ee)

Ai'+ name was technically once supposed to be used between male age mates but it is usually dropped in BL and on the interview circuit. Seems to have become frozen in this form. 

In BL it will be applied with a long drawn out tone when insult is required between close friends. Ae and Pond do it a lot in Love By Chance. In which case Ai'+name is a little like an affectionate "my asshole friend here." The opposite is also true, Ai can be softened and applied for affection. 

Fiat uses Ai’Leeooo with Leo all the time in Don’t Say No. It’s a kind of bratty affection coming from him. Leo, on the other hand, only uses Ai’Fiat when he is annoyed af with his boy. 

Informality between same year/age mates (or from older to younger) can be better tracked through the use of no honorifics and the application of guu/mueng pronouns for I/you and the use of wa particle instead of krap/kha. These are all gender neutral. But you will rarely if ever hear these used on the promo circuit between actors. They are quite rude.

Khun

Once you're out and about in the workplace khun is pretty much required, unless you're invited by your older workplace mates to revert back to phi. This can be made immediately clear to you because that workmate will just use phi in conversation when referring to themself, and that means you have been invited to call them phi instead of khun - it's a gesture of friendship. You can see this in SOTUS S.

Here’s Perth talking about the basics of all of this. 

Impolite or Flexible Particles:

There are no hard and fast rules here except that a tourist should use kha/krap particles and khun honorifics.

Here's a quick guide to train your ear, these will come at the end of sentences. 

Formal polite particles:

krap used by male identified individuals

... but kap! = curt slightly more informal

... but krrap rolling the “r” = sarcasm 

kha/ka used female identified individuals

.... but very rarely a drawn out sarcastic kaaa is a bit tough/agro/bad, the hardness of the “k” noise makes a difference 

... sometimes softened to be more like ha, and often sarcastic (or getting a little queer) 

si for imperatives and mandates (orders)

na to soften, question, and plead

Krap/kha can also be used alone as verbal acknowledgement agreement especially to an adult or someone older than you. However, when a boy uses solo krap with his boyfriend or someone younger than him or an age-mate it’s almost always sarcastic. Like “yessir” or “sure, dude.”

Informal but still somewhat polite particles:

kha used by third gender identified individuals

la for mild entreaty

sa for forced encouragement

di for imperatives and mandates (orders)

Informal household intimate particles

ja used with very close friends/family and by the queer community, friendly and informal

kha used by a male identified person for certain VERY specific reasons

ha as used with lovers and close family members, intimate and informal

Rude particles, to be used ONLY with piers after an established relationship

gu/mueng for I/you pronouns (not particles, but it's important to know this as BL uses this all the time but travelers NEVER SHOULD)

wa for questions 

THERE ARE A TON OF EXCEPTIONS. 

Kha particle as used by a man. A hard kha may be used by (or occasionally with) members of the queer community by those who identify as male and would formally use krap. A soft kha may be used by a man talking to a much younger girl (Pete, who ALWAYS uses krap, uses kha with Ae's niece in Love By Chance because he is being very gentle/soft with her). A male player picking up women in a bar may also use kha.  

Ja & ha particles. Queer and gay-identified performers and Thai third gender (kathoey) have more flexibility with their particles even in formal situations (if they want) and may use ja or ha instead of krap/kha. Ja seems slightly more associated with femininity and ha with neutral or masculinity. Most kathoey use kha (hard and soft) and ja particles. Most gay men (masculine identified) use krap except when talking to their queer community, then they will pick up kha, ja, or ha.

More on ha. Outside of queer ha is used amongst family members (and intimates) with loads of affection attached. (Phun uses ha with his adored younger sister in Love Sick.) Because it is a little cutsie it can also be used between lovers in a teasing capacity. It’s the kind of thing we might get in a certain jocular LTR on screen. (Honestly, I could see MaxTul popping in a ha or two IRL just to fuck with us.) Bad Buddy trots out a ha when wrestling in the final episode. I have rarely heart actors use it on circuit. 

ha slides into and gets confused easily (sometimes intentionally by the speaker) with the soft kha. This shizz is v complicated. 

June in Love Area 2 is one of my all time favorite linguistic characters. June is agender INCLUDING linguistically (I use agender intentionally since we can’t tell if the character is butch, FTM, gender fluid, or gender neutral). I legitimately have been told this was not possible in the Thai language. June uses the ha particle only, and sparingly, and has never gendered self or been gendered by others as part of the narrative. June is linguistically curt and a bit rude as a result, but the surrounding characters never seem very offended by this, even older generations. It is FASCINATING.

I also have a post on Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity and how touch moves between registers and into ha to flirt with Daisy. 

There are, so far as I can gather, no polite but queer particles. So, in a way, queerness exists within low register in Thailand... which implies queerness only exists amongst peers & intimates. There’s a goddamn cultural anth + linguist’s PhD wrapped up in this one, so I’m backing away slowly. 

What I’m talking about here has to do with registers. This all does actually. All about Thai registers here. 

(source)

[deadnsouless]

The interviewer asks me why i want this job. I say "Money" in the best impression of Mr. Krabs i can muster. They are either laughing at the joke or my terrible impression. I cannot tell the difference.