#motherhood reflections

[trendynewsnow]

Navigating the Complexities of Motherhood Decisions

Reflections on Motherhood and the Journey of Decision-Making In the initial months following the birth of my daughter, I found myself captivated by her every little movement. Initially, I attributed this fascination to the hormonal changes coursing through my body. I had never been particularly drawn to babies before, and I assumed that eventually, once the hormones settled, my interest would…

[take-care-of-it]

Seeing some Mouthwashing critiques that mention that Anya is the only woman in the story being like “that’s bad.” Head in hands. Yeah. That’s. That’s the point?

[jacksprostate]

Bob in female fight club au. Thoughts

Probably named Marge

Rather than doing a direct inversion (ie making the character the exact opposite, much tits -> no tits, etc) I think sort of an analogue would work better riffing off the motherly role Bob has, in combination with the group being for uterine cancer/ovarian cancer

The women come together, and they cry, cry, cry, over lost husbands, who left them because they got cancer, because overwhelmingly, men leave if their wife gets cancer, over lost relationships with children, who stayed but resent them, over lost Motherhood, that thing you were told was your worth but now you are told you're shit. Remaining Women Together. Despite. Despite despite despite.

What is it, about purposes. Want to see misery, see women fed their own physical oppression as lost salvation.

Marge, whatever her name is, her husband divorced her, left her with the kids and medical bills stacked as high as she is tall. She is thankful she still has her kids, it makes her feel like she's still worth something. She's had to try and get back into the workforce. No one wants to hire dear former stay at home mother Marge. She shows you her kids in her wallet in her purse and there are no pictures of her. There's a picture of her old husband, which she keeps to show her kids if they ask. They're old enough to go to school now, which is good, because it gives her more time to work. Life is hard, but she's doing her best.

Marge, who is on hormone therapy so she doesn't get those "side effects" she's heard about from other total hysterectomy patients, the future of early dementia and degeneration and horror. Who does pelvic floor exercises in hopes it will minimise the fallout of the surgery. Who carefully rips every hair out of her upper lip and chin because even if it would be normal for a woman, a woman whose gone through menopause, a woman at all — she knows, it's probably the estrogen tipping back over into testosterone, and she can't handle any more losses. She compensates. They all do.

The support group is her Me Time. It is the single hour plus half hour commute she can afford once a week for herself. So she gets here, and she cries, cries, cries, and the others cry with her, all over how their lives have fallen apart since they got ovarian cancer, got breast cancer, and their lives derailed because they can't be proper women anymore.

They cry in their waterproof makeup. Another product to promise womanhood. Identify yourself via consumption. Identify yourself by covering yourself up.

And when she finds fight club. When she finds something that says, jesus fuck. You are more than your children. You are more than your ability to have kids. You aren't a failed woman, that's a sack of shit you've been sold wholesale. When she finds something that promises her she will grow, achieve personhood, not because she was the ultimate martyr mother, not because she played the game of human or woman, but because it promises a freedom from all that, identification and repulsion of such sickening chains. When she stops worrying about her slightly deepened voice, and works to keep her dose even keel for her health, to avoid the toxic highs of accidentally juicing, rather than the lesser effects of a black lip hair or two. When she has a photo, not of herself in her wallet, but of the things she makes with other women from fight club, of the one view of the sunset from that one parking lot that she always thought was wonderful, when she has things in her wallet for her and her enjoyment. When she has corded muscle and a built up spine, when she sits her kids down and explains why they only see dad one weekend every other month, all the fun holidays, because dad decided staying with her through cancer was too hard even when she stayed with him through four lost jobs pissed away in alcohol and lottery tickets.

And Marge, who gets shot by the police on a regulation chill-and-drill assignment for Project Mayhem. Whose obituary in the newspaper talks about the children she left behind, how she battled cancer and kept caring for them, how she was such a strong mother, whose kids would now be shipped off to their grieving father who is so, so brave and stunning for standing up and taking care of the kids he made and dropped as soon as his live-in servant had a few issues. Her name is Marge Paulson, and she was forty-eight years old. She was a person. She will be remembered in the annals of Project Mayhem, lest what little there was of her be stolen from the world. She was killed by Project Mayhem, but they're the only ones who will remember Marge Paulson.

[rustandsky]

Motherhood

A reflection on how motherhood is often romanticized and portrayed as a miraculous, always positive thing.However, it can be a stressful, difficult and traumatic event (or concept) for some. This is rarely acknowledged, and those who do not see it as positive are often seen as bad or broken.I picked a rabbit for this as they are stereotyped as being amazing breeders, rearing large litters. But they will also eat their kits if they are stressed, and are quick to be culled as livestock if they fail to rear litters.Many animals do this, as well as abort unborn youngs in periods of stress, but motherhood is still brought up as a must-do event for people who can bear children. As a uterus-owner, I was always asked when I would have kids, how kids are the purpose of those AFAB, and how "when your clock is ticking, you'll change your mind!"I never did. I could go deeper into this, but I doubt people are here for my feelings, so enjoy (?) this piece!

[ambuschool]

A Random Post-Conference Dinner

Menurut gue sih terkadang rencana Allah tuh lucu banget dan plot twistt?!!!

Jadi abis closing ceremony conference kemarin tuh, akutuh nungguin salah satu professor dari ANU yang aku admire banget work-nya kan, pengen ngajak ngobrol aja bentar, eh tapi dia lagi ngobrol sama orang lain. Aku tungguin, sampe setengah jam dong?! Terus aku kaya mikir "Yaudalah gausah ngobrol, minggu depan juga lo ke ANU."

Abis gitu aku melipir lah, duduk di kursi yang ada di convention center itu kan. Eh tiba-tiba aku diajakin ngobrol sama orang "So, what do you plan after this?" Dia memulai percakapn, terus gue bilang aja "Gue harus mengerjakan assignment hahaha. Aku masih ada assignment soalnya." Dan akhirnya kita ngobrol2, ternyata beliau tuh dosen di Griffith Uni yang ngajarin tentang Social Determinant of Health. Dan beliau background nya bukan health tapi antropologist, jadi, seru banget diskusinya.

Herannya, abis gitu gue kaya kesirep aja ngomong gini ke dia "Eh lo udah ada plan abis ini? Makan malam bareng, yuk?!" LIKE???!!! HEY AINNA?! GAK SOBER NIH ORANG WKWKW.

Terus yaudah kita naik tram ke arah kampus, karena gue juga ada janjian sama temen disana. Tapi akhirnya kuturun di QVM karena kayanya lebih mudah nyari di daerah city deh daripada di daerah kampus. Dan qadarullah tram stop-nya tuh pas banget depan restaurant indonesia : Kenangan! Akhirnya kuajak aja makan disitu. Mungkin baru jam 6an lah itu.

Ohiya FYI dia ini bapak-bapak, ya. Namanya Mujib, we are 17 years apart. Jadi kaya ngobrol sama mentor (tearssssss)

Terus dia aku pesenin nasi rendang, ku makan bebek goreng. Dan akhirnya kita ngobrol banyak banget tentang dunia akademik. Dan ternyata dia adalah AAS Awardee back in 2013?!!! Karena ada kesamaan jadi makin serulah ceritanya. Apalagi dia tuh originally dari Bangladesh jadi kaya bahas tentang education system LMIC dan sini.

It was a good conversation sampe aku baru pulang dari kenangan jam 9! Aku seneng bgt ngobrol sama beliau karena kubeneran dapet dukungan buat apply PhD dan aku juga bisa curhat-curhat nilaiku yang jelek dan bikin aku gak pede buat ambil PhD. Tapi dia kaya nyemangatin aku, dia lihat akutuh mampu, presentasiku bagus dan dia bilang "Doing PhD is something like working as a project/ program manager." Lol, dia ngomong kaya gitu karena in between kita ngobrol, akutuh sempet 30 minutes meeting sm orang kantor tentang project yg lagi on going, yaitu grant sebesar 100,000 AUD yang akan di-disburse ke 5 NGO di Indonesia.

Pulang-pulang dari restaurant aku tuh kaya masih euforia gitu karena bisa random kenalan sama orang terus berjam-jam ngobrolin topik akademik, dalam bahasa inggris yg bukan bahasa ibu kita berdua?! hahaha. Aku seneng juga karena ternyata aku masih aku yang dulu, yang emang seneng networking sama orang, yang mudah kenalan sama orang.

Ya Allah pokoknya 2 hari conference kemarin tuh superrrrr grateful Alhamdulillah tsumma alhamdulillah. Walau pas ngerjain PPT nya mental burden ampe nangis2, tapi kukuatkan diri dengan bilang ke diri sendiri "Lo bakal lebih menyesal ketika gak melakukan ini Ainna. Ayolah, this one will pass." dan ku submit kayanya seminggu sebelum conference, dan buat script conference-nya cuman h-1. Terus bisa networking sama orang2 yang punya interest yang sama tapi udah lebih dahulu masuk ke field itu rasanya priceless sih.

Ohiya yang ku noted juga dari conference kemarin, academic conference tuh jujur ya mirip banget sama pitching business idea, lol. Cuman lebih rigorous method, aja. Tapi kalau gaya presentasi / pitching ternyata gak harus formal, you can do the engaging way dengan apapun caranya!! OMG ya Allah bismillah2 yaa semoga conferece yang minggu depan di ANU aku bisa lebih baik dan lebih engaging!!!!

Amiin yaa rabbal alamiin!!

PS : credits to kak @asrisgratitudejournal yang alwayss gak pernah lelah dengerin curhatan aku dan nyemangatin aku terussss huhuhuhuhu. Semoga Allah balas selalu kebaikan kak Noni dan Allah lancarkan progress penulisan disertasinyaa!!!

[secretariatess]

.

[wonder-worker]

Margaret of Anjou’s visit to Coventry [in 1456], which was part of her dower and that of her son, Edward of Lancaster, was much more elaborate. It essentially reasserted Lancastrian power. The presence of Henry and the infant Edward was recognised in the pageantry. The ceremonial route between the Bablake gate and the commercial centre was short, skirting the area controlled by the cathedral priory, but it made up for its brevity with no fewer than fourteen pageants. Since Coventry had an established cycle of mystery plays, there were presumably enough local resources and experience to mount an impressive display; but one John Wetherby was summoned from Leicester to compose verses and stage the scenes. As at Margaret’s coronation the iconography was elaborate, though it built upon earlier developments.

Starting at Bablake gate, next to the Trinity Guild church of St. Michael, Bablake, the party was welcomed with a Tree of Jesse, set up on the gate itself, with the prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah explaining the symbolism. Outside St. Michael’s church the party was greeted by Edward the Confessor and St. John the Evangelist; and proceeding to Smithford Street, they found on the conduit the four Cardinal Virtues—Righteousness (Justice?), Prudence, Temperance, and Fortitude. In Cross Cheaping wine flowed freely, as in London, and angels stood on the cross, censing Margaret as she passed. Beyond the cross was pitched a series of pageants, each displaying one of the Nine Worthies, who offered to serve Margaret. Finally, the queen was shown a pageant of her patron saint, Margaret, slaying the dragon [which 'turned out to be strictly an intercessor on the queen's behalf', as Helen Maurer points out].

The meanings here are complex and have been variously interpreted. An initial reading of the programme found a message of messianic kingship: the Jesse tree equating royal genealogy with that of Christ had been used at the welcome for Henry VI on his return from Paris in 1432. A more recent, feminist view is that the symbolism is essentially Marian, and to be associated with Margaret both as queen and mother of the heir rather than Henry himself. The theme is shared sovereignty, with Margaret equal to her husband and son. Ideal kingship was symbolised by the presence of Edward the Confessor, but Margaret was the person to whom the speeches were specifically addressed and she, not Henry, was seen as the saviour of the house of Lancaster. This reading tips the balance too far the other way: the tableau of Edward the Confessor and St. John was a direct reference to the legend of the Ring and the Pilgrim, one of Henry III’s favourite stories, which was illustrated in Westminster Abbey, several of his houses, and in manuscript. It symbolised royal largesse, and its message at Coventry would certainly have encompassed the reigning king. Again, the presence of allegorical figures, first used for Henry, seems to acknowledge his presence. Yet, while the message of the Coventry pageants was directed at contemporary events it emphasised Margaret’s motherhood and duties as queen; and it was expressed as a traditional spiritual journey from the Old Testament, via the incarnation represented by the cross, to the final triumph over evil, with the help of the Virgin, allegory, and the Worthies. The only true thematic innovation was the commentary by the prophets.

[...] The messages of the pageants firmly reminded the royal women of their place as mothers and mediators, honoured but subordinate. Yet, if passive, these young women were not without significance. It is clear from the pageantry of 1392 and 1426 in London and 1456 in Coventry that when a crisis needed to be resolved, the queen (or regent’s wife) was accorded extra recognition. Her duty as mediator—or the good aspect of a misdirected man—suddenly became more than a pious wish. At Coventry, Margaret of Anjou was even presented as the rock upon which the monarchy rested. [However,] a crisis had to be sensed in order to provoke such emphasis [...]."

-Nicola Coldstream, "Roles of Women in Late Medieval Civic Pageantry", Reassessing the Roles of Women as 'Makers' of Medieval Art and Culture

[widowshill]

Character bingo: Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, the woman the myth the legend

Her.

[bilboyagathechickenfootedhobbit]

Weird things that excite me as a mom in her 40’s that would make goth-punk teenage me stare at me and wonder what the fuck went wrong and when:

- my kid getting student of the month and me getting one of THOSE bumper stickers to put on my car (in the spot that used to be reserved for the ‘my delinquent beat up your honor student’ sticker)

- getting approved to be a classroom volunteer because my kid has been BEGGING me to help out in his classroom

- driving my son to cheer practice (I used to get BEAT UP by cheerleaders, and now I HAVE a cheerleader for a SON??)

- just being a mom. I like it??? Teenage me is horrified but I actually really LIKE being a mom??? What the fuck???

[misspoken-mistaken]

09.11.2024

My grandfather died today, thirteen years ago. He passed away in a bed at a home for the mind weary. I still remember what it felt like to hold his hand in mine. All my life, this man before me had larger hands than I did. From every moment I can recall, those hands held pens, paintbrushes, stamps, or cameras. When I think of him, I think of what softness really means. Tenderness is a man who…

[pxecedm]

Novalis once said: „A daughter is love made visible.“

When you were born, I didn’t even begin to know what it meant to feel love, let alone experience it. Despite your deceased older brother, I had no idea about love. You changed that. Your younger brothers have changed that too. Your father changed that. And your smallest sibling will be able to change that even more.

Today is your special day. Admittedly, I don‘t like remembering it because the circumstances under which you were born were cruel. In the beginning, no one knew whether you would survive or whether I would. But you showed much more strength than I ever thought you would. Of course you have, because you are my daughter.

People noticed your temperament very early on. If you don’t like something, you just burn it down. You‘ve even set fire to your aunt and me too. We have forgiven you. How could we not? You are perfection and have shown me a completely different way. And you‘re still showing me that today, even though you‘re already so big.

My beloved girl: I once said that the world would bow down to you. And I know it won‘t be long before it dies.

You are my perfect image. I love you indescribably.

Happy birthday, Merveille, my little fire girl. Mom & Dad love you.

[finalgirlkateausten]

"Little one playing dress up with a grown-up set of shoes" + Shiv and the bebe

"What doing, Mama?"

Shiv turns away from her vanity to see Marla poking her head into the bedroom doorway, Genevieve just behind her and Lainey taller than them both. Her three-year-old is much more mobile than Gen was at that age, maybe even more so than Lainey, thanks to two big sisters escorting her around everywhere. Shiv sets down her powder brush.

"I'm getting ready for the--" she doesn't want to say 'ball' or 'gala' in front of her Barbie-obsessed daughters. "Sad sack wasp trap," she offers, almost hearing Roman's voice instead of her own. "Aren't you three supposed to be with Chloe?"

"Chloe's making dinner," Lainey says.

"More like burning it," Genevieve adds. Which is why they pay Chloe to nanny and not to cook, but it's the cook's day off. So it makes plenty of sense that the girls were able to run off while their nanny was distracted. "Are you doing makeup, Mom? When can I wear makeup?"

"I let you wear lip gloss," Shiv points out. "Makeup is hard, and even though it should be just for fun, people think it's something that grown-up women have to do. You can start learning if you're interested, but you don't want to have to do this kind of makeup." She scowls in the mirror, picking up her contour stick.

"I wanna watch anyway," Gen says, peering over her shoulder. Shiv feels something in her chest twitch at the sight, her tiny clone of a daughter, blue stare as intent as her own. Behind them, the other two have moved to the closet.

"Is this your dress for tonight?" Lainey asks. "It looks fancy. I would like it better if it was purple though. Dark purple. That's the best color."

"Mhm," Shiv says, focused on blending in her makeup. "Can't wear purple with red hair, though."

"Oh."

"Mama, look!" She hears a series of clacking noises and sets down her brush to turn and look at Marla, who is standing precariously in a pair of her heels. The look of triumph in her eyes, the sparkle of mischief, is so familiar, so genetic, that Shiv stands from her seat at the vanity and scoops Marla into her arms, kissing her cheek gently, her eyelashes brushing her cheek in a silent apology for the Roy characteristics she's never going to escape.

"Those are too big for you, silly," she teases, as one shoe falls to the ground.

"Duh, Mama," Marla says, and Shiv doesn't think Gen or Lainey knew that word at three but then again, they didn't have two older sisters. She remembers her own vocabulary being quite expanded by Kendall and Connor, even when she was small. "They your shoes, not my shoes."

Shiv sighs deeply, shifting Marla to her hip as she loses the other shoe. She returns to the vanity, Marla in her lap and Genevieve still hovering by her shoulder, and when she looks in the mirror she sees her daughters all staring back at her, even Lainey, who is wrapping herself in the fur Shiv will wear over her shoulders tonight. They're all watching her in wonder, because she's someone entirely different to them than she is to herself.

"Well," she murmurs, in answer to Marla's comment that she's probably forgotten already, "maybe you'll grow into them."

[rachel-sylvan-author]

"Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Thank you @read.write.janis for the read! ❤️

[ambuschool]

If we don’t know how much our parents sacrifice themself for us, then reflects ourself as a parents.

Tadi pagi Hannah bangun siang jam 12, padahal tidurnya gak terlalu larut, jam 9 malem. Gue aja sebagai orang dewasa emang kerasa CAPEK BANGET SIH.

Flight dari Indonesia jam 1.20 pagi and nyampe di Manilla jam 5.30 pagi. Kemudian 10-hours lay over di Bandara Manilla without any proper place to rest. Then 8 hour flight from Manilla - Melbourne (terus nyampe di Melb jam 4 pagi which di Indonesia masih jam 12 malem!).

It was verrryyyyy exhausted!

Mana pas di pesawat karena ku kasian sama anakku kan, jadi kubiarkan dia renahan, occupying my seat, jadi ku kaya gak nyaman bgt duduknya, bahkan gue sempet selonjoran di bawah demi dia nyaman tidurnya 🥺

That’s one of sacrifice that i am done for my baby. Belom lagi sepanjang bandara dari tempat transit ke gate ku menggendong dia karena kita gak bawa pram :”)

Does my parents do the same for me? Definitely! Maybe way more beyond!

Perjalanan parenting ini memang harus sering-sering direfleksikan, agar gue inget juga betapa ini hal yang gak mudah buat orangtua gue. Betapa mereka dengan segala kekurangannya udah mengusahakan yang terbaik versi mereka.

And always remember that healing is a journey. We don’t know how long it will be.

Kalau kata ustadz-ku gini “Orangtua akan melakukan apa aja untuk anak, misalkan ainna, anakmu sakit dan kamu harus berhenti kuliah untuk ngurus anak kamu, kamu berenti gak? Modt likely akan berhenti. Tapi, kalau orangtuamu yang sakit, kamu bakal berenti kuliah untuk mereka gak? Mungkin enggak dan mencoba cari alternatif lain, pasti?!”

True.

Besides, my psychologist also said “Kita gak tahu seberapa lama healing journey ini, tapi dengan kamu dikasih kesempatan jadi orangtua, kamu juga jadi mungkin mengerti rasanya jadi orangtua. Kamu pelan-pelan juga bisa memaafkan, making sense, dan heals the kid within yourself. You have that awareness about your previous relationship with your parents, its good. Make that awareness as your north star.”

Dan gue selalu menanamkan ke diri gue dan gue juga selalu bilang sm suami gue, bahwa gue gak pengen punya rasa jumawa atas parenting style gue yg mgkn better dari orangtua gue, karena bisa jadi usia gue gak lebih panjang dari orangtua gue dan ended up anak gue diasuh sm mereka??? Dengan segala keterbatasan dan pengetahuan mereka?? You might do better, but the end of the day, yg ternyata Allah kasih kesempatan buat besarin anak lu ternyata ortu lu???!

We never know how much time we have.

Semakin kesini semakin bersyukur punya iman dan nilai-nilai keislaman, karena percaya banget bahwa dunia ini sementara, so we can brace our hurts more peacefully (knowing that nothing last forever).

Ohiya aku tadi cerita sm suamiku aku seneng banget Alhamdulillah Allah izinkan untuk ibuku dateng kesini, walau ibuku sering kali act like she was nurturing me in the past.

Salah satu kejadiannya adalah tadi pagi, anakku baru bangun, aku mau ngasih dia makan, while aku sambil nelpon childcare anakku utk minta advise tntg jam berapa sebaiknya dia dtg ke sekolah. Terus anakku tiba-tiba ngamuk. Dan marah2 ke ibuku.

And my mom’s reaction setiap anaknya ngamuk adalah : Neglection. Sambil ngedumel

And after i hang up the phone and trying to figure out whats happening, You know what my mom was said? “Dia tuh ngamuk pas denger kamu nelpon sekolah! Matanya langsung melotot dan marah” 😂😂 lol, always blame other first!

In fact, anakku marah karena aku ninggalin dia tanpa consent krn aku mau nelp sekolahnya, dan dia gak mau ibuku nyuapin dia!

My kid kept screaming to my mom, and my mom kept blaming me 😂😂😂 she said “Ya mana ibu tau, ibu kan cuman mau nyuapin dia. Auk ah” lol 😂😂😂 thats not how to face the 3-year old kid mom 😂😂🫵🫵🫵

This threenager kid needs to be validated first. Calming her. i need to apologize to my kid because i left her without any prior notice or consent. And making sense what just happend.

Super lol.

Then i said to my mom that she needs to apologize to my kid as well because she approach my kid without any consent. And i urge my kid to apologize as well because she screaming to my mom, while my mom wants to be help her.

Win-win 😂

Alhamdulillah-nya ibuku mau menerima parenting style aku. My dad? Jangan ditanya 😂 ketika di jalan aku minta izin ke anakku buat berpisah (aku tinggal di rumah mertuaku dan anakku akan dibawa oleh orangtuaku), aku malah diledekin “Ngapain jelasin mau ke dukcapil, kesana-kesini, gak bakalan ngerti!! kasih nonton aja beres!” He didn’t appreciate my parenting style, malah mocking me.

Jujur kesel pengen marah ya. Tapi berhubung udah dinasehatin Nussa dan Rarra tentang “Berkata baik atau diam, jangan sakiti orangtuamu.” Jadi gue diem. Walau pas abis shalat isya gue nangis sambil istighfar ke Allah krn gue sakit hati 😂😂

Emang jangan pernah berharap orang lain akan berubah. We should change ourself first. Dan mungkin karena ini teritori rumah gue, nyokap gue jadi lebih bisa menerima parenting style gue. Kita lihat nanti pas bokap gue dateng apakah akan terjadi huru hara lol 😂😂😂 yaAllah semoga enggak.

Whatever happens. Be grateful for your parents, walau gue masih ngakak2 sama reels yang isinya lagu Selena Gomez judulnya Who Says, yg Reff-nya “Who says your not perfect? Who says you’re not worth it? Who says you’re the only who’s hurting” trs sambil nunjuk ibunya, LMFAO 😂😂😂

PS : This was written in the middle of the night karena gue kebangun anak gue ngompol krn gue lupa beliin nappy??? Trs kubangun malem2, nyebokin dia, Alhamdulillah nemu nappy satu di tas sekolahnya. And i was contemplating how hard to be a parent.

Semoga Allah ampuni dosa kedua orangtua kita dan Allah bimbing kita jadi orangtua yang terbaik yg bs menanamkan keimanan dan keislaman. Karena bisa jadi kita nggak punya cukup waktu buat menanamkan keimanan dan keislaman kpd anak kita, layaknya orangtua kita skrg :”

[sintiva]

IM 20!!!!

[sowildphotography]

'Obscurum per obscurius. Ignotum per ignotius.', Lou Ann & Carole, summer 2022 ..