#motherfucker is all bark no bite

[hadald1vz1on]

i guess you guys can see my ugly bitch fuck dumb stupid freak son who has fifteen diseases that i hate... his name is caspian i will be punching him and it will kill him

[orcelito]

i do love that vash is the Definition of high int, low wis. he puts on the goofiness to get ppl to not pay attention to how absolutely Bonkers skilled he is so ppl just assume he's a dumbass. and like. he IS. in some ways. he is SUCH a dumbass. but he's an incredibly intelligent dumbass. he has layers.

[gnc-tits]

work has been pissing me off sun seer lee loikkkk if the pos system didnt want me to do a no sale then why is the option on there 🤔

[tealfruit]

honest to God if you're out in public or even around your apartment complex with your dog running around NOT on a leash you should have your dog confiscated. I don't even care IDC ur reason IDC how well trained it is you put a leash on that beast immediately

[alcego]

i think part of what makes Andreil work is that they’re both so fucking skilled at sussing out other people’s soft spots. they find boundaries and push at them, seeing where the other will bend and where they’ll break. it’s a survival thing for both of them: Andrew needs the upper-hand so he can maintain control over any given situation; Neil needs to know how far he can go before the people around him turn to violence.

the thing is, they also understand which boundaries are inviolable. some of this is communicated, such as Andrew’s “grudge against the language”, while others are simply identified and observed, such as Andrew’s aversion to touch. they’re both feral, fighty motherfuckers, which ironically is what lets them relax into each other.

the game of truths is possibly the best example of this: we see Neil sorting through potential questions and discarding some because it’s too much/too soon; he doesn’t know enough to see if this is a soft limit or a breaking point. they spend most of the first book mapping out boundaries, unintentional as that may be, and by the time Andrew’s lust has turned to devastating trust, to the point where Neil need only ask, it’s because he knows that he can say no and Neil will listen.

(i suspect Andrew’s joy of telling Kevin no stems from a similar place; Kevin responds, and he pushes, but he does nothing to truly threaten Andrew or violate his no. he’s all bark and no bite, as Kevin fully believes that getting Andrew on the court is worthless if it isn’t his own decision. thus, Kevin is another person for whom no is safe, albeit in a different and more entertaining way; with Kevin, Andrew’s no has power, and exercising that is no doubt cathartic.)

my point, if there even is one, is that Andrew and Neil work because they’re abrasive—they push at boundaries and recognize when to stop. Andrew’s hard limits around sex are the most obvious examples of where this antagonistic courtship bring them, but consider also Neil’s phone: Andrew has Nicky text Neil, instructs him to push against a bruise knowing that nothing will break in the process. if they didn’t push, explore, they wouldn’t know where to stop. if they weren’t so abrasive, so determined to suss each other out, there would have been no proving grounds for trust, and they never would have figured each other out.

basically, they’re both assholes, but that’s why they work.

[chainelunaire]

how they would behave on a leash

kaeya: unless it’s a some sexual thing, he won’t be doing it willingly. you can try to trap him. be careful tho, now he is very determined to put you on a leash. you’ll see no end of this embarrassment. 

albedo: behaves very well. introduces you to his siblings which are sweet evil puppies, aka rifthounds. watches your expression carefully. asks if he behaves well enough or you want to stop. you probably should want to stop at this point. no leash is gonna help you my dear.

venti: good luck catching him, this ain’t gonna happen.

diluc: he tries not to lose the last parts of his dignity, but he actually might bark once or twice. 

tartaglia: was born to be on a leash. embraces it like that was what he needed to finally become what he truly is. the mad dog. try to put on a muzzle, he’ll be thrilled. 

zhongli: in no world he would let anyone put him on a leash are you joking. 

xiao: has an absolutely tragic history of biting people’s heels. needs to be pet frequently. pat pat on a head for the best boy.

thoma: why did you do that to him? no, like, seriously? is there any reason? no? jail.

kazuha: is very confused, but not opposed to that idea. will play along. at some point it’s you who ends up being on a leash. slimy motherfucker.

goro: he would try to kill you in your sleep for that. to prevent it, you need to make sure the leash is strong enough and is also short. you might hear him howling at night. it’s full moon. so cold in here, so lonely...

itto: another one being absolutely thrilled. at some point you start to feel a little guilty. free him. some creatures was just born to live in a wild.

ayato: will shout ‘there’s a cow in the sky!’ and when you turn your head back to him asking what the fuck was that there’s no cow in the sky, he’s already gone. you won’t see him in inazuma for good few months. economics of rito island will collapse. i hope you’re proud of yourself.

scaramouche: he’s a bit of a danger to society himself, so there’s an actual reason behind it all. a muzzle is a must, or he’ll bite your head off. apart from about 127 attempts at murder, he’s been doing just great.

dottore: is excited, but you need to buy more leashes, then we’ll talk.

kaveh: he’ll sell your leash and you to dori. from now on you’ll become the guard dog of alcazarzaray. great deal.

tighnari: don’t even come near him, he’ll bite your fingers off and say it’s your own fault. can’t see where he’s wrong. 

cyno: yet another one being all game. will take you everywhere with him. not an ounce of a shame in his body. you’ll regret it deeply, after about 10 hours in a desert. you need to beg him to stop moving. you poor little thing, be careful with what you wish for.

al-haitham: an absolute dream, peace and quiet. not because of the way he behaves, because his behaviour is poor so to say, but because he’s finally on a leash. finally no annoying lectures bc he has to figure out how to free himself. you have about 34 seconds to rest.

[azulock]

Now for day eight, we got Shidou and very much domestic shenanigans. I love this insane creature and his perfect eyeliner, he is the reason why I wanna throw some electric pink on my hair, too bad it's fucking blacker than black.

summary. when Shidou asked to help you in icing the cookies you'd made, you figured there'd be no issue, to be honest, you actually thought he'd get bored and give up halfway through. but he didn't, and even in this simple task, he still managed to surprise you.

pairing. Ryusei Shidou x Reader

wordcount. 917 words

8. Holiday Cookies - Ryusei Shidou

"Fuck, why the hell is this so difficult?"

Shidou's loud cursing rang over the sound of the TV playing in the background, the news broadcasting a snow storm moving in the direction of England. Looking from the corner of your eye, you could see the tip of his tongue peeking from between his lips in concentration. It was actually adorable, to you at least - because his concentrating face looked downright terrifying to most people. As did his resting face in general, but to you, it was a feature, not a bug. It added a charm to him.

"Why are you complaining? You are the one that asked to do this," you questioned with a laugh, shaking your head at him.

"Only 'cause you seemed so damn entertained doing it," came your response, Shidou not even looking up as he spoke.

"Well, that's 'cause I've been doing this for years now, I know what I'm doing, and I'm past getting frustrated," you shrugged.

"Motherfuck-" you heard him exclaim, looking up only to see Shidou scraping a bit of icing off with the back of a teaspoon and then licking it off.

"Ah, I see you figured a way to eat it and erase your mistakes at the same time," you laughed and he followed suit, grin spread wide over his face as he finally looked up at you.

It was almost funny to see someone like Shidou holding a piping bag full of colored icing and hunched over a small cookie set on a table. Truth be told, you'd probably get those done way faster if he didn't get involved, but you decided there was no harm in entertaining his curiosity. Then, again, he'd just eat them just as fast. Maybe, this way, knowing how much hard work went into icing those things, he would take the time to appreciate them.

Hell, who the fuck were you kidding? He'd probably just take a picture of his own work and then eat the poor cookies in one bite. Well, at least you could be sure he liked how they tasted.

"Aha!"

"Oh, you making progress?" You chirped, looking away from your own cookies and trying to peek at his work, but Shidou was fast to pull the tray away from your prying eyes.

"No peeking, I'm not done yet," he barked, smirking as you rolled your eyes and went back to your own work.

You two worked in silence for a few more minutes, your eyes darting back to him every so often, but he'd pulled his tray far away enough from you that you couldn't see whatever he was doing. When you got done with your cookies, you tried not to stare at him too much, instead watching the snow fall outside the window. But you couldn't really resist, it was cute to watch him work, completely engrossed in what he was doing.

Here and there his face broke from a focused pout into a proud smile, and it only raised your curiosity more and more. You'd watched Shidou struggle to even hold the bag properly, grip too strong for the flimsy plastic, so to see him take joy in what he was doing now really brought warmth to your heart.

"Okay, now, I'm all done," he proclaimed with the widest smile possible, although, not an entirely innocent one, and you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Alright, let me see it," without a hitch, Shidou obliged your command, turning the tray over to you.

To say you were surprised was an understatement. But maybe, you shouldn't be. Somehow, despite cookies coming with a fixed shape and you leaving the sheet of paper with the images he was supposed to replicate right in front of him, Shidou still managed to completely stray away from your instructions.

That wasn't the most shocking part - that was just Shidou being Shidou. The true surprise was how he'd managed to turn Christmas cookies into what you could only describe as Christmas colored Halloween cookies.

"I mean, they are done surprisingly well. But I can't figure out how you managed to turn what was supposed to be a Christmas tree into a red bat," you marveled, taking the cookie in your hand and inspecting it from up close.

"You think I'd do something so boring like a tree? I'm not gonna follow a fucking sheet of paper, I'm an artist," Shidou grinned, pride clear in his voice, and you actually thought he deserved it.

"You know what? I can't really disagree with you here," you said with a smile, leaning over the table to give his lips a kiss. That's why you enjoyed his presence after all, with him around your days were anything but boring.

shout out to: @fivenightsatwhoreville @minarinnn @loser-vxbez @pinksodacan

[callmejod]

I have a headcanon request: James Norrington x Pirate!Reader.

How would he feel about them being a pirate? How would the relationship pan out? In an alternative world where he lives, would he still be part of the navy or would he completely side with the pirates? What would the reader think of him being a part of the Navy? Would they consider giving up their pirate life to be with him?

Thank you :)

Buckle up - this can of brainworms just exploded.

I think living with pirates and experiencing their life and lifestyle shed a new light for James. He'd be more mindful of what causes people to turn to piracy and if given oppurtunity - tries to help.

After all, in both DMC and AWE he did commit piracy in order to become an Admiral at the hands of Beckett.

If the only thing in the AU that changed was his death, I think James wouldn't even entertain the idea of coming back to the Royal Navy - not after all of Becketts dirty tricks would've been exposed.

If it comes to Pirate!reader and James' relationship.....

I want them to meet between The Curse and DMC.

You would probably meet on Tortuga or something life that.

Maybe even when Jack gets him onto the Pearl and then maybe just dumps him with you when you meet at some rundown port in the middle of nowhere.

That would be delicious.

Taking you are the captain, an extra pair of hands is always welcome. Jack probably conveniently did not mention, that the blackout drunk sailor he was bestowing upon you was in fact The James Norrington. No no. You have to find out yourself.

'What's you name son?'

When he finally wakes gets woken up with a cold seawater bucket to the face courtsy of first officer you do what any sane captain would do -

'Dont fuckin- - call me son.'

'Oof he has bite to his bark gentlemen......'

After a good chow and a hissy fit you get to actually talk to him.

What kinda ticks him off is your kindness towards him - taking things slow with the hangover that you ensured wouldn't get worse, not coldly demanding him to do everything he should be doing.

You get a minute to talk to each other in private and he just presents himself as James, scared you'll do something terrible, torture him for what he's done, even kill him.

He knows thinks he deserves it.

'Just James huh? Alright "Just James", what drove you to the sea?'

Gets surprised when you don’t press further on his identity. He works on your ship quite well actually - he's well versed in many things. A week later you try prying more information from him.

'A stupid expectation and even stupider decisions.'

'Damn, you sailors always come up with the same story huh.

He can feel the cold sweat at your words.

Even if he was ex- Navy - you started to harbour a crush on the guy. He's really charming when he wants to be and can spot a British ship from miles away. His knowledge of the sea is impressive. Many-a-time had he pulled you out of hot shit you were about to get yourelf in.

You knew. Of course you knew. You recognised him the moment he got on your ship. Stood with his back too straight for being so drunk. Almost saluted when first officer "woke him up". Carried himself with an aura of an old, tired soldier.

In a drunken moment at port he tells you his full name and makes peace that he's staying back. He then wakes up on the ship and almost cries.

And he has those eyes..... that seafoam you would willingly drown yourself in. And a great ass? The package is a perfect fit for you.

He then realises that your kindness for him may have awakened a feeling he long forsaken - love.

*two dense motherfuckers in a room*

*the crew collectively suffers when looking at you two lovesick fools who believe the other is too good to be with them.*

As time goes on, you continue to floor James with both your wit and bravery. You do not charge into battle unprepared or without good reason.

Over the months spent together your realtionship with James improves to the point he reveals a little of his life in Port Royal and how he sometimes wishes he could go back there. It breaks your heart but you bite your tounge. After all - he smiled so sweetly when he told you he found a new home on your ship, with the crew, with you.

And then DMC happens.

James deals with Beckett that with your help he will get Jacks compass. The plan is set to save you and your crew. God, he would throw himself off a cliff if he didn't donanything in his power to save your life - he would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if it meant you were free from the East Indian Company.

'You. MY CREW GAVE YOU A HOME ON OUR SHIP ! THEY GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO BE FREE ! THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY THEM ?!'

Oh the anguish I feel when your ship gets captured by Beckett.

You are brought to the Lords' office and he offers you a deal. Your heart breaks when you see James there. You fall to your knees. He fucking feels the floor shake from the force of your fall. You pull on the chains, making two guards holding you almost stumble to keep you in place.

Hot tears are spilling from your eyes. Every one that falls twists a knife in his heart.

'Get them to agree or neither you, or them are leaving this port alive.'

You of course deny the deal but Beckett is no dumb. He saw how hard James tried to act neutral. When the guards drag you away somewhere Beckett gives James a pointed look.

On the way out he recieves a key. James knew exactly where to use it. He has never run as fast as he did to your cell.

Seeing you in those chains - nay - in such histeric tears makes him want to carve his heart out. The damp, smelly dungeon doesn't really help with making you look less miserable.

James grips the metal bars so hard his knuckles turn white.

'Please. Please let me explain.'

'There's nothing to explain. Admiral.'

The distant look you give him makes his blood run cold.

He forces the doors open fuck the key right? , bursts in and gathers you in his arms, despite your protests. You cry, wail, curse him. And he lets you.

Now he really desereved it.

All he can do is soothe you.

You give up on trying to pry him away from you. He just won't let go. He holds you like your're going to fall apart at any moment and frankly, your'e close to doing so. The feelings you so meticulously hid away surge to the surface and you can't help but relax into the warmth of his arms.

'I'm so, so sorry that it's come to this.'

'You're not sorry. You got your life back. I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew my happily ever after wouldn't come. Especially not with you.'

You feel James freeze.

'Me?'

'Yeah, I never even intended to tell you but now that I'll probably hang by tommorow-'

'Your happy ever after - what does that mean?'

He moves so fast you barely register when he looked into your eyes for the truth and when he buried his face in your neck. You sit and listen to his heathing breaths, the thumping of his heart and wonder - is it stress or- Owwwww fucking hell out with it already - you think.

After a little you whisper :

'It means i love you James. And I hoped life wouldn't be so cruel to those who long for freedom.'

You feel something wetting your shirt. A full body sob jostles you.

It's James' turn to weep.

'You big baby, don't cry. We'll be alright.'

Leaving on a cliffhanger >>>>>>

I hope it's readable - I've last written fiction like 5 yrs ago.

9.4.24 I wrote it fast so there's probably some spelling issues, I'll look later k mbyeeeeeee

10.4.24 K, I've looked this through, added a few thingies

[gazspookiebear]

Ghost hcs mostly him having autism

Has compression socks and gloves bc they help keep him regulated, but he HATES tight clothing anywhere else. He strictly wears loose and baggy clothing, like oversized hoodies

Hates flavored water unless it's tea. Green tea? Sure. Any kind of sparkling water? Nuh uh

Likes mud and rain puddles. Don't ask me why

Can't stand the smell of coffee in the morning, it overwhelms him. He can and will leave the room if someone just made coffee

Doesn't like hugs, or really just being touched in general. (Mostly due to trauma, but the autism isn't helping either)

That being said, when he does get hugged, he prefers it to be firm. Heavy knuckles running up and down his back is the quickest way to make him melt in your arms. Soap is the only one allowed to do this, but Price and Gaz will very occasionally be offered one of those awkward one-armed half hugs if they need one.

He masks most of the time (literally and figuratively) so it's not very obvious that he's autistic from first glance. If he's comfortable with the people around him, or if he's alone, he might stim

He does jazz hands as a stim, and can occasionally be found tiptoe walking

He also knocks his knuckles together and rasps them on desks. He likes the noise.

He prefers rough or smooth textures over soft/fluffy ones. Denim, mesh, leather, linen, and polyester are the only fabric types he'll be comfortable in.

He keeps his hair buzzed, not just because he's in the military, but because he pulls on it and ends up tearing it out of his head when he gets sensory overload from it touching his face (me too bro, me too)

He listens to metal songs on max volume when he's sensory seeking (you can hear that shit through his headphones)

He doesn't like having things in his ears, so he prefers headphones over earbuds. He won't complain if he has to use earbuds though.

Surprisingly enough, he can't stand weighted blankets. Unless that weighted blanket is Soap 😏

He gets aggressive when he's excited, so he'll often go to the gym to blow off some steam. Rookies see him going to town on a punching bag and assume he's pissed, but really he just doesn't know how else to express his feelings.

He hyperfixated on komodo dragons for a while (he now has several random facts in his arsenal)

His special interest is weapons. Any kind, he just thinks they're interesting. Especially crossbows. (He knows just about every weapon under the sun, ask him literally anything)

He steals Soap's phone to play neko atsume (he has become emotionally attached to the cats, but you didn't hear me say that)

He prefers to sleep with blankets under him instead of on top because it makes his skin crawl if they're not the right texture.

He's always cold but radiates heat like a motherfucker, definitely has an electric blanket at his place

He has a favorite pen that he carries everywhere, refuses to use anything else.

He eats the most random food combinations. Tomatoes with sour cream? Delicious. Avocados with cream cheese? Absolutely divine. A normal fucking sandwich? Hell no.

He struggles with hygiene but hates feeling dirty. He'll often force himself to shower even when he knows it'll drain his energy.

He has to buy a specific type of eyeblack because of the texture. He doesn't like any kind that feels too greasy. Not that it'll stop him from wearing it if that's all that's available, but he won't be happy about it.

He used to bite his hands as a kid. Hard. He has a few small scars because of it

He enjoys heavy bass. He likes low rumbling/knocking noises. He may or may not be considering buying a bass drum...

Alternates between sleeping in a hammock and a bed at his place

Loves chairs that spin, though you'd never catch him spinning 😔

Everything he says sounds sarcastic, even when he's being genuine. This has caused many people to get annoyed with him.

He tends to grind his teeth, so he chews on tree bark to keep his mouth busy

He used to climb trees as a kid because he liked the way the wind felt from up high in the leaves

He isn't a fan of the way paper feels. That being said, He loves old books. He spends most of his downtime at the library since it's quiet and peaceful, plus it gives him a way to get out of the house and busy himself.

He still wears a mask off duty for many reasons. For starters, he's never been the best at facial reactions. He thinks it's easier to just hide it altogether than to try and contort his face into the "appropriate" reaction. Secondly, he has stims and occasional tics where his mouth moves, and he doesn't want people to stare. (Snapping his mouth like a shark... so real to me) Also, he just thinks it should be common practice. He's never understood why people don't cover their mouth and nose, or at the very least cover it when they cough/sneeze.

He will actually fan the air in front of him if someone he doesn't like just walked by. He doesn't want to breathe "their air". (Graves was very confused as to why Ghost kept waving the air every time he walked by)

He wears sunglasses in public, regardless of whether or not it's sunny out. He just doesn't want to have to make eye contact with people if he doesn't have to. He can make eye contact, but he much prefers not to.

He punches his legs or the walls when overstimulated.

He has dromophobia (fear of crossing streets) and tends to speedwalk across roads

Has the biggest vocabulary known to man because he used to read dictionaries as a kid. (He can and will abuse this power when someone is annoying him)

Prefers non-fiction. That's it.

He cleans doorknobs daily. He specifically keeps a pack of wipes with him to clean doorknobs- who the fuck knows when they were cleaned last. He can't stand the idea of touching something that dozens, if not hundreds of people (who may or may not have washed their hands) have touched prior.

His favorite color is orange. He always avoids touching anything orange because he's worried he'll ruin it somehow.

He washes his hands before and after everything he does (when he can)

He has a crowbar. He keeps it beside his bed, and he's very fond of it.

He can stay completely still for concerningly long amounts of time. Useful for missions, unnerving the rest of the time. Can and will be seen in the corner of a room staring at people.

@waiting-so-long I'm so glad someone wanted to hear my nonsense lmao

[redguns]

Armored Core 6 main cast thoughts. spoilers for all endings

btw. categorizing endings by number rather than if they're "good" or bad" because i think thats stupid. if you categorize them like that you're a fool! Coral take you!

Starting off with Handler Walter. Went into the game not trusting him at all. Whenever he said anything I always thought "Yeah, okay, whatever Walter. in that kind of mocking tone but that changed quicker than i thought once i realized there was a genuine care in his voice and started putting the pieces together for his end-goal. The second ending is genuinely heartbreaking. He really meant every word he said to you. And I adore him for it. View him like a father now

Moving on, Ayre. My beautiful coral anomaly wife.. her kinder and more supportive demeanor immediately sold me, of course, but it was her efforts to actually get me to care about Rubicon as a planet and it's people that really hit. It's special. It's tasteful. It feels great. And it hurts all the more in the first ending when I have to discard all of that. It sucked so much. I was on the verge of tears throughout the whole final boss of the first ending. Worst break-up of my life. Girl I love you so much

Up next, speaking of love, is "Cinder" Carla, who I fell in love with like, 2 lines in? Very attractive voice and then an incredible personality to go with it. Probably the most fun character in the game by design and it goes a long way. She's like a role model to me. I want to be her and I want to date her at the same time. She's just like me Fr. I want to kiss her

transitioning from that to V.IV- SIKE IT'S "CHATTY" STICK TIME Phenomenal. Absolutely incredible performance. Absolutely sells the no emotion AI aspect without being too overbearing. Armored core as a series has always had a high standard for AI characters, and chatty is absolutely at the top of the pile for me along with Chief from V... I love him so much... The strongest little soldier...

Up next, for real now, is V.IV Rusty. What a strong first impression. It was always his line that stuck with me from the trailer. Ready to climb over the wall? They nailed the "rival pilot who's just like you but in another faction" to a degree I haven't seen in decades. A genuine brother in arms. My best buddy in the world. Every time he showed up in the game he just did the coolest fucking thing in the world. Slides right under the door as its opening. Crackshot sniper nailing insane headshots. And then he gets the coolest fights in the game against you. BOTH OF THEM!! HE'S SO COOL!!! HE'S HIM!!!!!! I WAS SO HAPPY IN THE SECOND ENDING ROUTE TO FIGHT ALONGSIDE HIM!!!! THATS MY BROTHER!!!!!! THATS MY BUDDY!!!!!!!!!

..Ahem, moving on then. V.II Snail. Yes. Another motherfucker they nailed perfectly. From the first SECOND you hear his voice you hate him. The fact his head's up his own ass. The fact you keep learning over and over throughout the game that he's SUCH a piece of shit. The fact there is nothing he wouldn't do to stay on top. Despicable little man. Absolutely brilliant antagonist.

And now, finally, the last main character to talk about is G5 Iguazu. Where to begin with this guy... Right from the get go you understand the kind of character he is. All bark, no bite. Every now and then you run into him, you kick his ass, he whines and seemingly gets away. It's interesting, then, that in the second playthrough, already, he shows up more. He sends an assassin after you. And that's that. Nothing until route 3, where it all finally comes together. How he keeps coming back. The ringing in his ears. His hatred and envy of you so strong he gives up his entire body just for a chance to beat you. He's fascinating to me. For whatever reason, his final words stick to me like glue. How he sees you, despite everything. A relic, yes, but one who's free. He wanted those wings, too. I've really come to love him, and what an annoying brat he is. That's his entire charm. He is welcome to the pantheon of Real Haters

there. that covers all the main players. that ended up being longer than i expected. thank you if you humored reading through all of that! i dont usually do these kinds of posts cause i go on for too long!

but this shit mean something to me man

[vaguely-concerned]

I think we occasionally forget that TF can very much BITE. He plays it cool, looks chill etc and Graves is more GRRR than him, but TF can hurt you with the right motivation. Do you think that ever occurs to Graves? Or is he more like "he's the brain I'm the brawl teehee" and one day it just hits that TF can eff someone up too

Oh I think Graves absolutely knows that T.F. can take care of himself that way when pressed — they have known each other so long and under such circumstances that I’m pretty sure he must have seen T.F. kill someone personally at least once haha. Graves does probably still think of himself as the powerhouse/fighter between them, both because of ego reasons and because I don’t think T.F. is particularly violently inclined unless he’s forced into a corner and removed from all other options. He would rather flight than fight almost every time, but he will fight when necessary. If Graves is a siege cannon, T.F. is more of a surprise stiletto shoved up between the ribs during a handshake lol. Very different in expression, but ultimately the same long-term results (dead motherfuckers when dead motherfuckers are necessary).

What I think WOULD take Graves by surprise is T.F.’s capacity for unrestrained calculated cold-eyed violence specifically for the cause of Graves’ protection. I feel like when it’s just himself on the line, T.F. would prefer to run until he’s out of ground, but if someone forces him at this point to contemplate living without Graves again… he would immediately Choose Violence, and How. 

Here’s a little snippet of something I never managed to make into a whole thing, but the context is basically that some guys have Graves at knifepoint and T.F. goes quietly and intensely Ballistic about it

T.F. stands very still, because he doesn’t need to move to capture all attention in the room. The cold, fierce fury in his eyes is the only statement of intent needed. 

“Get your hands off him,” he says, surprisingly quietly, like he already knew everyone would hang on every word from his mouth without him raising his voice. “Or I will kill every single one of your people and then you, and for you I’ll make it slow.”  

It occurs to me, suddenly, that in all our years running together I ain’t ever seen Tobias truly angry before. Nothin’ like this. It’s not his way; he seems set in some way to not let the world know where it’s touched him — sure, he’s barked back a couple of times when people get too close to something tender, but this is something else altogether. There’s no clever trickery here and no finesse, really. For once he’s just telling the truth.

. . . 

“Are you okay?” T.F. asks, fitting his hand to my cheek and tilting my face up so he can peer at me anxiously, the other hand patting restlessly over my chest as if checking me for new holes. 

“Hell, I’m fine, Tobias,” I say faintly. “I was more wonderin’ how you were doin’ there.” 

T.F.’s distracted, still looking me over with that intensity that borders on desperation. “Huh?”

[baabaapinksheep]

Kendrick-Drake Beef Playlist

(Disclaimer: All accusations between the two artists are alleged. As of 5/9/24, there has been no formal investigation regarding allegations of sexual trafficking, abuse to minors, illegitimate children, or domestic violence. Viewer discretion is advised.) Out of the loop? Here's the track list of disses in order:

1) Control (Big Sean ft. Kendrick Lamar & Jay Electronica)

Infamous enough that former President Barack Obama was asked who would win a rap battle between Kendrick and Drake. He chose Kendrick Lamar.

Bout who's the best MC? Kendrick, Jigga and Nas I'm usually homeboys with the same n---a I'm rhymin' wit But this is hip hop and them n---as should know what time it is And that goes for Jermaine Cole, Big KRIT, Wale Pusha T, Meek Millz, A$AP Rocky, Drake

2) First Person Shooter (Drake ft. J Cole)

First response from Drake after Control dropped, this time featuring J Cole who completed the ultimate trifecta of today's popular rap artists.

Love when they argue the hardest MC Is it K Dot, is it Aubrey or me? We the big three like we started the league But right now, I feel like Muhammad Ali

3) Like That (Future, Metro Boomin, Kendrick Lamar)

Second response after FPS. Kendrick refuses to share the crown with Drake and J Cole and challenges them for the top spot.

Think I won't drop the location? I still got PTSD Motherfuck the big three, n---a, it's just big me N---a, bum, what? I'm really like that And your best work is a light pack N---a, Prince outlive Mike Jack N---a, bum, 'fore all your dogs gettin' buried That's a K with all these nines, he gon' see Pet Sematary

4) 7 Minute Drill (J Cole)

J Cole decides to beef with Kendrick after being called out in Like That. He quickly disowned 7 Minute Drill and days later apologized to Kendrick Lamar during a live show. Allegedly, after hearing that the beef between Kendrick and Drake was serious, J Cole bowed out of the beef because he thought it was a friendly competition.

He still doin' shows But fell off like the Simpsons Your first shit was classic Your last shit was tragic If he wasn't dissin' Then we wouldn't be discussin' him

5) Push Ups (Drake)

While J Cole ducks for cover, Drake moves forward with the beef, though it's also a collective diss to Rick Ross, and Metro Boomin. This is also where he drops Kendrick's fiancee's name, Whitney and makes fun of his height. You won't ever take no chain off of us How the fuck you big steppin' with a size-seven men's on? This the bark with the bite, n---a, what's up? I know my picture on the wall when y'all cook up Extortion baby, whole career, you been shook up 'Cause Top told you, "Drop and give me fifty," like some push-ups, huh

6) Taylor Made Freestyle (Drake ft. Tupac AI and Snoop Dogg AI)

Second shot at Kendrick, this was released on IG. Drake uses AI for this track, using Snoop Dogg and 2Pac to taunt Kendrick. 2Pac's estate demanded that the track be taken down as it was an unauthorized use of 2Pac's voice. Drake eventually took the track down, but the damage was already done.

Dot, I know you're in that NY apartment, you strugglin' right now, I know it In the notepad doing lyrical gymnastics, my boy You better have a motherfuckin' quintuple entendre on that shit Some shit I don't even understand, like That shit better be crazy, we waitin' on you

7) Euphoria (Kendrick Lamar)

Kendrick officially warns Drake that he has dirt on him. Euphoria is also a hit show about troubled girls, which Drake is a producer of. This is also the infamous track where KDot demands Drake lose his N-word privileges.

I make music that electrify 'em, you make music that pacify 'em I can double down on that line, but spare you this time, that's random acts of kindness Know you a master manipulator and habitual liar too But don't tell no lie about me and I won't tell truths 'bout you

8) 6:16 in LA (Kendrick Lamar)

While waiting for Drake's response, Kendrick shocks the hip hop world with a second shot a couple days after Euphoria, exactly on 6:16am (PST). This track is meant to spook Drake. Kendrick gloats of how he got his hands on a mole in Drake's entourage and they're feeding him scandalous information about Drake.

But let me tell you some game 'cause I can see you, my lil' homie You playin' dirty with propaganda, it blow up on ya You're playin' nerdy with Zack Bia and Twitter bots But your reality can't hide behind wifi Your lil' memes is losin' steam, they figured you out The forced opinions is not convincin', y'all need a new route It's time that you look around on who's around you Before you figure that you're not alone, ask what Mike would do

9) Family Matters (Drake)

A few hours after 6:16, Drake finally responds to the beef. He ups the ante by taking shots at Kendrick's family and drops that Kendrick beats his wife. Drake also threatens other artists who may be siding against him. This is also the most he's said the N-word in his song, taunting Kendrick for revoking his N-word privileges in Euphoria.

When you put your hands on your girl, is it self-defense 'cause she bigger than you? Your back is up against the curb, you diggin' for dirt, should be diggin' for proof Why did you move to New York? Is it 'cause you livin' that bachelor life? Proposed in 2015, but don't wanna make her your actual wife I'm guessin' this wedding ain't happenin', right?

EDIT: This post on reddit believes that Family Matters was the whole reason for the Euphoria drop. This is pure speculation, however, so decide for yourself the validity of these receipts!

10) Meet the Grahams (Kendrick Lamar)

Not even 45 MINUTES after Drake drops Family Matters, Kendrick responds, robbing Drake of his temporary triumph. He straight up lays waste to Drake's entire family, offering to be Adonis' mentor because Drake's a deadbeat dad, calling out Drake's parents for raising him terribly, and revealing that Drake has another illegitimate child, this time a daughter he's been hiding for eleven years. He also warns the female listeners that if they like Drake, they're exposing themselves to a predator.

Dear Aubrey I know you probably thinkin' I wanted to crash your party But truthfully, I don't have a hatin' bone in my body This supposed to be a good exhibition within the game But you fucked up the moment you called out my family's name Why you had to stoop so low to discredit some decent people? Guess integrity is lost when the metaphors doesn't reach you

11) Not Like Us (Kendrick)

24 hours after Meet the Grahams, Kendrick drops a new diss track, this time actively calling for Drake's life, saying he has fake street cred, called the people in his entourage pedophiles, and releasing the track just before everybody hits the club on a Saturday night just to rub salt in the wound. He calls out Drake on behalf of 2Pac and promises he has at least five more diss tracks waiting, knowing that Drake hasn't had the chance to respond yet. He also mentions Family Matters, which meant he wrote his responding diss in less than 24 hours.

Let me break it down for you, this the real n---a challenge You called Future when you didn't see the club Lil Baby helped you get your lingo up 21 gave you false street cred Thug made you feel like you a slime in your head Quavo said you can be from Northside 2 Chainz say you good, but he lied You run to Atlanta when you need a few dollars No, you not a colleague, you a fuckin' colonizer

12) The Heart Part 6 (Drake)

Also 24 hours after Kendrick's last diss track, Drake finally drops a response. He addresses some of the allegations, including purposefully feeding info from the mole to Kendrick about a daughter that doesn't exist. He takes a few more shots at Kendrick's relationships, implying that his partner Whitney hasn't denied the accusations of domestic violence. He also clowns on Kendrick's sexual abuse as a child and blames that on his witch hunt to prove Drake was a pedophile. He ends the diss saying that he was tired of the whole beef and he didn't want to fight with an alleged woman beater. As of 5/9/24, THP6 has more dislikes than likes on Youtube.

My mom came over today, and I was like, "Mother, I— Mother, I—, mother—," ahh, wait a second Wait a second, that's that one record where you say you got molested Aw, fuck me, I just made the whole connection This about to get so depressing This is trauma for your own confessions

_____

This is the BARE BONES summary of the long, bitter history between Kendrick Lamar and Drake. This doesn't even cover it all. This is just about the disses. I recommend looking up the history between them for more context in other places.

It's 5/9/24 and 3:00pm (PST) as of this post. Updates will be posted accordingly.

[ramu-ego]

blue lock men that are all bark and no bite <333

ALL BARK AND NO BITE BABIES ♡ - askbox open cw: fem!Reader, dom!Reader, aged up, oral sex (f!receiving) mention, sexual themes word count: sloppy headcanons character(s): multiple

DNI :: minors, blank blogs + m!Reader blogs

GRUMPY LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER :: we're talking won't shut the fuck up with too much of an opinion for such a pretty face. Talks a big talk. And some might believe it judging by the way they look. But don't let that fool you these fools are all talk and no bite. Best things their mouths do besides spout loud bullshit, is wrap themselves around your clit and suck on them day and night. Pretty men who intimate those around them when they're wrapped between your legs later on. Lips latched onto your clit. Tongue working you over until you say stop. Chins soaked in your juices while you ride, grind and fuck their face to as many orgasms as you'd like. Sure they look like they could bite. But they suck clit even better ♡

Raichi, BARO, EGO, Okawa, Karasu, Kunigami (currently), RIN, Oliver

[sbk-zgvlt]

Random idea: Sebek as a dog…

…

that’s it… 🤗

I hope you know I have no idea how dogs fuckin work (I have owned over 10 of them before/hj)

I dont know what KIND of dog but. I think itd be funny if he was super fuckin small. But he's VERY passionate and a very loud barker/lh

Follows around Dia 3 dutifully, and usually barks at Silver to wake him up. Growls at him but he's really all bark and no bite when it comes to Silver.

Spoiled motherfucker. Diasomnia love him. He WILL use this to his advantage and he WILL get you into trouble if he doesnt like you.

[blueicequeen19]

Double Cross

Warnings: unprotected threesome, cnc, anal, oral, the works

JJ advances on me in the garage. I quickly scramble away and around the truck he’s working on as he gives chase. My heart raced in my chest as I dodged all the scattered tools and parts on the floor to keep from tripping. I should’ve ran back into the house. Now I was trapped out here with him and he blocked the only exit.

“Come. Here. Now.” JJ barks, jumping up into the bed of the truck and over the side. I scream when he catches my arm and shoved me against the deep freeze, pinning me with his body. I can’t hardly catch my breath. My adrenaline was pumping wildly and my pussy was throbbing.

“Tell me he’s lying.” JJ bites out, glaring down at me with those big baby blues. I stuck my chin out as I glared back up at him.

“You fucked my sister.” I state and his jaw clenched.

“I was drunk.”

“So was I.”

“Goddamn it!” JJ turns and throws his fist against the truck door. Again. And again. I flinch each time. He turns around suddenly and sits me roughly on the freezer then plants himself between my parted thighs, ringed fingers digging into my flesh.

“Did you like the way he felt inside you?” JJ snarls, smashing his lips against mine. I almost give in. Almost. I don’t kiss him back and I push at him instead.

“Yea, I did. He has a big dick.” I spat and JJ laughs, fumbling with his shorts.

“You can tell me how big my dick feels with it buried in your ass.” JJ growls, yanking me off the freezer and spinning me around. He yanks my shorts and panties down before slapping my ass hard.

“JJ, don’t!” I squeal but he shoves my chest down onto the top of the freezer, smashing my tits beneath me.

“Stay still or I’ll tie you up. Your choice.” JJ snaps, slapping my ass again.

“You’re not doing anything without lube.” I cry. He laughs, walking away and grabbing a bottle of baby oil from a shelf. He turns back with a wicked grin.

“Don’t worry, baby. I got you.” My body trembles as he steps out of his shorts and pushes his boxers down. I feel the cold of the baby oil drip between my cheeks before he starts lathering himself up.

“JJ—.”

“Shh. Just shut up and take it.” I jump when his finger presses against my ass, little by little until he’s knuckle deep. I’m panting and whimpering. It’s foreign and it’s burn but my pussy is throbbing violently, begging to be filled.

“JJ—.”

“Take it, baby.” I cry out when he presses a second finger into my ass.

“Hey, J— whoa! What the fuck guys?!” I jump at the sound of Pope’s voice but JJ doesn’t stop.

“Shut up Pope and get over here and lick her clit.” My eyes nearly bug out. There’s a long pause before I feel Pope kneeling beside me. I meet his eyes but he just gives me a small smile before attaching his mouth to my clit. I cry out immediately, lifting up on my toes as JJ fucks me faster with his fingers.

“Don’t let her cum. Not yet.” I hear JJ say and Pope’s mouth slows on my clit, stealing my orgasm as JJ withdraws his fingers.

“Motherfucker.” I pant, my legs shaking with exertion.

“It’s okay, baby. Let me know if it’s too much dick for you to handle.” JJ pushes down on my back and starts to penetrate before I can comment back. It takes my breath away but just as quickly Pope is there taking the edge off. JJ could punish me all he wanted but I was going to enjoy the fuck out of it while he did.

“Oh, God.” I cried, my body trembling with the need to cum already. I started to shake harder and when Pope slid a finger inside my quivering pussy, I came with a scream.

“Shit!” JJ cursed, pushing inside me more. “That was just the tip. I’m not even in yet.” JJ rasps, spreading my ass cheeks as he pushes in more. I reach down and fist Pope hair, holding him to me as another wave quickly approaches.

“Fuck, you feel so good. Like fucking heaven.” JJ starts to ease in and out, making my eyes practically roll back in my skull. It was too much yet not enough.

“Pope.” I moaned his name and his eyes snapped open, looking up at me for a moment before adding another finger.

“Fuck, Pope I can feel you inside her.” JJ groans, picking up his pace. I reach back for something to hold on to and JJ quickly pins my arms to my back, fucking me harder.

“JJ—oh, fuck—JJ!” I cum with a scream, my knees almost buckling, curses filling the air as JJ cums deep in my ass. I sag against the freezer as JJ slips free of me. Pope stands as JJ finds something to clean us up with and wraps his arms around me to steady me.

“Pope, that was amazing.” I rasp, my heart beating wildly as he helps pull up my panties and shorts after JJ cleans me off. I needed a shower.

“You’re welcome.” JJ snaps, his jealous rearing it’s ugly head. I couldn’t help but want to push his buttons further.

“Do you want me to blow you? I’m sure you must need it.” I bat my eyelashes at him, almost laughing at his stunned expression. He looks from me to JJ and back.

“He doesn’t care.” I whisper, cupping Pope in his shorts and swallowing my surprise by what I find. His eyes widen as he swallows, looking to JJ again.

“Is that true? You don’t care?” Pope asks JJ. I don’t wait for his answer before tugging Pope’s shorts down to his ankles. I stay on my knees as they have a silent conversation and I pull his cock from his boxers. It’s slightly longer than JJ’s and just as thick. It would hurt like a bitch.

“I guess she owes you one.” I hear JJ say as I meet Pope’s eyes and swipe my tongue over his swollen tip. He hisses, bracing himself against the freezer. “But she doesn’t get to cum again. Her punishment isn’t over.”

[windupnamazu]

don't be so awoof!

ffxivwrite2023 #02: bark (of a dog or other animal) emit a bark.

Lunya & @fistsoflightning's Zaya & Argos. Post-Endwalker. 371wc. ⮞ I do not control the speed at which lobsters Argos die asks for treats from someone who would rather not be in a 25 malm radius of him, but unfortunately has to be if they want to visit their little sister.

If Zaya got any paler they could probably pass as a Sin Eater, thought Lunya wryly as her sibling shrank behind her as best as they could, her own Lalafellin two fulms and ten ilms to Zaya's five and three be damned.

"Zaya, darling," she said with the same soothing tone she usually reserved for her wards, trying to shove a bully stick in their hand, "he doesn't bite."

"Not th' issue," their sibling muttered, and Lunya got the sneaking suspicion that if she were any taller Zaya would try to climb her like a lizard up a palm tree if only to escape their mortal enemy: Argos.

It wasn't that Lunya didn't understand Zaya's aversion to the newest member of her pack—well, she actually didn't, but she kind of got the feeling that it was something between his connection to Venat, to the Mother specifically, and his golden hair and crystal blue eyes being all-too-familiar—but she couldn't exactly control when and where he decided to manifest himself. Any creation of Venat, dutiful and loyal though they were, also happened to possess a sizable amount of whimsy and personal autonomy, and Argos in particular acted a whole lot more playfully since she freed him from his lunar sojourn and brought him down to Etheirys.

And if Argos liked you, oof.

"Just one treat and he'll leave you be," she tried to tell Zaya, who looked about one second away from Thunderclapping across the Lavender Beds and flattening her garden in their wake. "Zaya, if you don't appease him now, he might—"

Argos boofed, Zaya flinching at the sound, and suddenly there were seven of him.

Motherfucker, Lunya thought, offering up a quieter mental apology to Hydaelyn.

No. No, no, no, no, Zaya signed as the Argoses padded forward with a gleam in their admittingly unnerving crystal eyes and a furious wagging of their fluffy-wuffy tails, each tap of their index and middle fingers to their thumb increasingly firm and panicked.

Well, Lunya thought solemnly, watching them activate Fists of Wind and sprint out the gate, trailed by seven golden aetherial dogs floating a fulm off the ground, it probably could be worse. He could have asked them for belly scritches instead.