#mostly still on family relations and boundaries

[lovieku]

Good Luck, Babe! #3 ☆ jeon jungkook

what happens when you leave everything behind, only to be faced with it again years later? eunbi is convinced she was given another shot at keeping all she ever wanted, but it’s difficult when that all is her childhood best friend who doesn’t want to do anything with her anymore. how to earn his trust back?

☾ pairing: non idol!jk x fem!oc

☾ genre: childhood friends to strangers, friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut

☾ word count: 9k +

☾ warnings: explicit language. say hi to eunbi!!! and to the friend group!!! its a bit funny until it becomes angsty … ouch. jeongguk is a bitch lowkey. pun unintended (you’ll see). theyre dramatic as hell. like bro it cant be that serious 😭. im sawrry for this. and its not all!!! see you in fourth chapter 🫡

☾ author’s note: hi hi hi!!! this took a bit to fully convince me but in the end it did. i was frustrated because i felt like i couldnt really use my words properly to tell the whole thing but… here we are now!!! thank u!!! enjoy 🫶🏻

prev ㅣindex ㅣ next

three ⋆ this is me trying

Up to that point, Eunbi’s life has been a constant adjusting to new surroundings, leaving bits and pieces behind, getting attached to new ones, and hoping they wouldn’t be taken away from her. It would always end up as she feared it would, though. From as early as she can remember, Eunbi would live off her blue backpack, where she gathered a toothbrush, a change of clothes and her favourite plushie to help her sleep and adapt faster to the smaller bed at her dad’s house. When her parents had divorced, it had been a rough patch before the both of them could come to a legal agreement; that being, she would spend the weekend with her father, and then stay with her mother again until Friday rolled around.

She rarely looks back at those days now, but when she does — mostly at night, her mind seemingly incapable of putting a stop to her furious flow of thoughts and just sleep — she thinks if it hadn’t happened to her when she was still pliable and mouldable, when she was yet to be met with what ordinariness was supposed to look like for others, she wouldn’t have been ready to wholly face all that followed. Eunbi was young when she learned that love between two people could end so easily, and her innocent self accepted that as the norm.

As a result, what she found harder to accept, more than her own mother and father not even being able to stand next to one another without ending up quarrelling, was having to leave her small black poodle in Gwangju, with her grandma, after moving away to Busan. Curly (little Eunbi had given him that name for obvious reasons, and to this very day she finds it dumb, but it makes her giggle nonetheless) had been a great companion through the inevitable loneliness she had to face as an only child. She was convinced he could understand her better than no other, even when she would force the tiny creature to sit and listen to her ramble on.

Busan was the next big change that was pushed onto Eunbi, only a few years after her mother got engaged to a man that would soon replace her biological father: with time, sleeping over at his house for the weekend was no longer even a contemplated thought on his side, coming up with excuses after excuses as not to, and that slowly led to showing less and less interest in keeping up with her and meeting up. The little girl had always been numb in relation to such negligence, and because of this she could consider herself lucky in some distorted sense; it didn’t affect her as much as it should have.

Part of that was also due to her step-dad being a great father figure during the initial times of his and her mom’s relationship, making sure to adapt to Eunbi’s pace and boundaries, never overstepping while also being able to bring fun into her life by taking the family out to visit places and eat delicious meals. What he couldn’t do for her, however, was live with a dog. When he and her mother decided to finally move together following their wedding, they both agreed on wanting to restart from a brand new place. Busan was their perfect pick for a variety of reasons: her mom got offered a job at a recently established company that seemed promising, and her step-dad could fulfil his deep-rooted dream of expanding his by starting a new branch.

Every single thing about him seemed perfect to her mom’s eyes, even if he was apparently deathly allergic to dog’s fur. And, of course, she picked her husband over Curly. Eunbi couldn’t believe it, nor accept it. The girl cried over the small dog for the two weeks prior to moving, during the trip to Busan, and for the following days there. Her grandmother would keep her updated by sending pictures of Curly through email, and even after the scar had healed, those would never fail to make her tear up.

As shameful as it might be to admit it, after having dried herself from half the water that made up her body because of the constant crying, it didn’t take long for the scar to close. When she first stepped foot in the big city by the seaside, Curly showed up right in front of her. Just in human form. Big eyes, long black hair and puppy manners, her neighbour was definitely sent to her by something greater. Eunbi was obsessed. It didn’t show at first, her pride prevailing. But it was harder and harder to fight against it. Jeongguk was simply too easy to love.

They became inseparable. Wherever he was, better believe she was there too, attached at his hip. And if they showed up alone, people would naturally ask about the other. Because the moon is never seen without its stars, and sunflowers only ever turn to face the sun. Their bond could be perceived by anyone as unbreakable, a friendship to envy and wish for, and every brick that built it had resulted in the creation of their own safe haven that only had space to contain the two of them. Not anybody else could be let in, the bubble exclusively recognised their password. It wasn’t composed of words, or numbers. It was the look of understanding they would share; the white lies used to cover the mischief of the other; their own handshake, accompanied by an original friendship jingle that Eunbi came up with randomly; the assurance that they could reveal their biggest secrets to one another, and they’d be kept like an oath.

There’s many of those that Eunbi shamelessly revealed to Jeongguk, some with intent and others unleashed spontaneously during their many endless talks. But when she thinks of it, she never admitted the single one that really mattered, the one that her best friend in the whole world needed to know, and remember. At all times. In any circumstance. It wasn’t a secret, it was more a result of her pondering; it came to a full reasonable thought only years later, and by then it was too late to tell him.

Eunbi thinks, and she’s sure, Jeongguk was the reason why all that came before the two of them had to happen. If it didn’t, she would have spent her whole life looking for that missing puzzle piece: under the cushions of the couch, in between her bed sheets, accidentally thrown away in the bin. It was as if all the hardships she experienced were justified, because at the end of the tunnel Jeongguk was waiting for her. And everything finally made sense. The puzzle was complete. Jeongguk was the reason himself. He was sent to teach her an important lesson: everything happens for a reason. There’s a cause and an effect, and even if the cause was suffering, at least the effect was her favourite boy.

Then, a gust of wind had wiped the puzzle to the ground, every single piece losing its place. When her best friend was taken away from her, she stopped being so convinced with the thought she herself had harboured, because she suddenly couldn’t find the meaning behind such a cruel fate. If everything really happened for a reason, then what was it? Jeongguk helped her see colours, only to return to black and white. Leaving him behind had marked the death of a version of herself that she would never get back.

Seoul was big, and harder to adjust to, even more with the baggage she was now dragging behind. Unpacking it, she found out all she had brought with her was a shattered trust and a soon to be broken promise to never get attached again. It was hard to be faithful to such an imposition, when Eunbi was born to give out love. It was hidden in that luggage, in between fears and regrets, but surely present.

And it prevailed in the end. Even at a slower pace, love found its way up and helped a lost Eunbi navigate the big capital city, promising new beginnings and healing. She found that in the faces of people that she would then start to recognise as friends, inside warm cafes during the coldest days of winter, and in the certainty that no matter where she is, she is always looking up at the same moon.

What she has built in Seoul so far feels the closest to stability that she has experienced in years. Starting university and meeting Dahye was the last bit of convincing it took to make her consider once again that a reason could exist, and that in the end it would make sense. Maybe not totally. Maybe just partly is enough after all.

Until, seeing a pair of familiar starry eyes in the midst of dull ones was all she needed to firmly believe in what she had been finding hard to accept. It took one shared look for past and present to get blurred together, and the mixture of old with new feelings created a mess. It was nice, nonetheless. Better than the seemingly impossible to get rid of emptiness at the pit of her heart.

Behind her eyes, Eunbi could see the puzzle slowly reaching its final form again, this time with more missing pieces, but the image was at least recognisable. When Jeongguk showed up in front of her again like magic, she contemplated becoming religious. Getting to her knees and starting praying to whatever greater force was shining on her path to please keep doing that. None of that showed on the outside, her smile breaking and mirroring the expression on the boy’s face. Pure sorrow. She knew she was probably the last person on earth Jeongguk wanted to see, and the fact that he wasn’t even trying to mask it didn’t help.

The most rational response she could come up with at that moment was to act as if nothing ever happened. And then, the bricks that a long time ago held together their safe bubble were being used by the boy to raise a high wall between them, making sure accessing his space would be impossible for Eunbi. Who could blame him? Still, the happiness she shamelessly felt when Jeongguk showed up at her 20th birthday party was too consuming, she selfishly wished for the rest of her birthdays to always look like that as she blew the candles. Nonetheless, when he suddenly left sprinting on his bike she knew the gods would need time to grant her desire. Although, this time around she had faith.

She doesn’t know how long it would take for it to break, though. September getting closer and closer only means that Jeongguk’s birthday is just around the corner. As part of his friend group, she had been involved in the process that led to organising the surprise camping trip, even if she didn’t exactly participate. After all, she doesn’t get to say she knows the boy better than anyone, anymore. Jeongguk has evidently changed, and as a consequence she knows way less about him than the others.

For that exact reason, Eunbi had made various attempts to back down from the trip, fearing her presence could significantly ruin it for the celebrated boy. At first, she tried to be casual about it with Dahye, since she’s the only one she’s opened up to about the whole dilemma, “I think it’s better if I don’t come. After all, it’s a friend trip. I’m not really his friend.” To which her roommate only replied with bullshit, proceeding to type away on her keyboard. That did not help whatsoever.

Then, the night she was too tipsy to take a taxi back home and Jeongguk had offered her a ride on his bike, she came home with a smile on her face only to burst out crying in front of a just as drunk Dahye. In between sobs, she begged to be left out of the trip, “Ple- Please, Dahye. He hates me. I can’t stand it.” Her friend tried to shush her whines, pushing Eunbi’s head on her chest and consoling her, “He doesn’t, baby. I’m sure he doesn’t.”

As a result of that night, Dahye had then sat her friend down with the intent of fully convincing her to be present for Jeongguk’s birthday trip for a number of reasons, “It would be rude to not show up after he was there for your birthday. And also, what if you two end up talking about… things! And everything gets solved! That would be nice, wouldn’t it, Bibi?”

Eunbi had just nodded all the way through the motivating speech, not really understanding nor believing her words, but apparently they were enough to lead her to the present moment: awkwardly squished between Dahye and Jimin on the couch of her flat, while they animatedly converse with the others to approve on the trip schedule. She has never felt so out of place before, not only because she doesn’t feel like she has a say in the whole discussion, but also because as time went by the two friends by her side kept shifting to subtly get closer to one another, not realising they were compressing her body in the process. To the point she is forced to get up, the position she was in being too uncomfortable, and sit on the ground under the couch next to Namjoon.

She can feel her movements being followed by a pair of curious eyes, and when she looks up to meet them, she finds out they belong to the origin of all her worries. Before Jeongguk can divert his attention elsewhere, aware he was caught observing, she gives him a quick tight lipped smile. It goes dismissed, as if it hadn’t happened. Ouch. It’s okay, Eunbi can take it. She used the few days prior to this to mentally prepare. She knows she’s not exactly welcomed anywhere near him, that’s why she made a silent secret pact within herself: whatever happens during the trip, don’t be a bother to Jeongguk. Stay away from him as much as possible, and if not possible, then do anything to avoid putting that frown on his face, exactly the one he’s sporting right now. On a second thought, if just looking at her gets him to react like that, maybe it’s best to mentally wipe that off her list of things to keep in mind for Jeongguk’s birthday camping trip.

With there still being a day left before their minibreak takes off, the girl can already tell it’s going to be hard to follow the flow of that list, Jeongguk making it obvious her presence could have been avoided before the vacation has even started. Still, she remains composed and brushes off what had just happened, instead focusing on the main topic of conversation.

The group (Hoseok) has decided to meet to go over the schedule one last time because, “Everything needs to be perfect, guys. We can’t afford to slip!” It’s still Hoseok talking. Eunbi learned that he had always been the one in charge of organising events and little getaways when it came to the friend group, his obsession with keeping everything under control coming in handy in such scenarios.

Not only that, but the reddish haired guy is also amazingly quick on his feet, and in a relatively short amount of time he has managed to find the perfect excursions and experiences to go over during the trip, making sure every day spent together would be filled with fun activities that he knows the birthday boy is going to look forward to. In between what he has arranged there is cycling, canoeing, trekking, and more stuff that Eunbi can’t keep up with. Surviving this is going to be made ten times harder by the amount of energy that is going to be expected out of her. She sighs at the thought, looking down at her manicured nails. She just got them done, and now they would surely break.

It takes a few seconds for her to realise the sudden silence that fell above the room, and when she looks back up she’s met with eleven pairs of eyes staring at her. She straightens her posture, suddenly too aware of being perceived, and she deduces her previous exhale had been released with more energy than intended. Hoseok sweetly smiles at her, “Anything you don’t agree on, Eunbi?”

The panicked girl opens her mouth to justify herself, her eyes getting wider and shinier with embarrassment, but Dahye beats her to it, “Bibi, didn’t you say you, like, hate cycling? I’m sure we had a whole conversation about it.“

Eunbi is mortified. Her eyes jump from Dahye to Jeongguk, trying to get her best friend to shut up while also registering the boy’s scoff and muted roll of his eyes. Oh god. Her whole be-lowkey-and-make-yourself-unnoticed plan just shattered in a matter of seconds. She can feel Jeongguk’s eyes bore flaming holes into her skull, his arms crossed and his legs furtherly stretching out on the armchair. If she still had a small, tiny hope left that he didn’t fully hate her, she just witnessed that shattering in pieces too.

She quickly shifts to sit on her heels, her hands frantically shaking to try and save her face for what she could, “No, what? I love cycling. Seriously, I’d do it everyday if I could.” She chuckles shakily while subtly shoving Dahye’s knee next to her to signal going with the lie. At first, Dahye looks clearly confused: she was so sure of that information about her roommate. She furrows her brows, looking down at a panicky Eunbi widening her eyes. It takes only a few more seconds for her to suddenly get it, shaking herself from her doubts and catching the ball, “Oh, right! You do! I got it confused with, huh… something else.” The girl mutters that last part only to join her friend in a nervous laugh, and an apologetic smile. Best believe Dahye is going to hear about this later.

Hoseok looks just as puzzled as the others, but nonetheless he nods, announcing the schedule has been officially confirmed. A collective acclaim fills the room, only for the boy to stop it with a raise of his pointer finger, “Now, I will assign you guys in your respective cars.” Which is comically followed by a joint groan, and some protests. Hoseok ignores them, and goes on reading off his perfectly planned out Word document.

”Namjoon is the first driver, and he’s travelling with Iseul, Seokjin and Sora,” he looks up to briefly check with the mentioned members to see if there are any complaints, then proceeds. “We’ve got Yoongi with me, Aera and Taehyung. Then…” Hoseok squints his eyes while scrolling down the document, and those few seconds of silence are enough for Eunbi’s thoughts to anticipate what is about to follow. She lowers her head, unwilling to meet Jeongguk’s glare when Hoseok says, “Jeongguk is driving with Jimin, Dahye and Eunbi. All set?”

The positive response is quick, even too rushed and disregardful of what was said, as Namjoon and Taehyung have been impatiently begging for the never-ending organising to be over so they could order food and finally fill their starved stomachs. No one pays any mind to it, but Eunbi and Jeongguk stay quiet, while Jimin and Dahye share a knowing look. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

The evening is spent in the cramped living room of Eunbi and Dahye’s shared flat, eating pizza and letting a random movie play, which soon only functioned as a background noise the moment Taehyung started a game of Would You Rather. Even if Yoongi initially shushed him, everyone eventually became more delighted with Seokjin’s unthinkable suggestions than with the film, “Would you rather be trapped in a small room with 10,000 tarantulas for 10 minutes, or eat 10 tarantulas in 10 minutes?”

Eunbi tries to let herself be distracted by the content smiles on her friends’ faces, even feels less distressed when she notices Jeongguk relaxing as well, but that doesn’t stop her mind from overflowing with all the things that could potentially go wrong. It inevitably shows on her face, and in her unusual quietness. She has been pondering on the last information Hoseok had shared about the confirmed schedule for hours now, worrying it was going to start the trip on the wrong foot. There were all the best intentions to not poke the sleeping bear, but she fears being in the same car as him is going to stir him awake.

After the group leaves the apartment at past 1 a.m., Hoseok checking with everyone that they’ll show up at 8 sharp tomorrow morning in front of the same building they’re now parting ways from, Eunbi releases a long sigh as she closes the door behind her shoulders. Dahye catches the look on her features immediately, taking her pretty face in between her palms, “I’m sorry for earlier. I was trying to help.” She pouts, and it makes the shorter girl chuckle.

Eunbi shakes her head, dismissing her apology with a small it’s okay, and freeing herself from her friend’s hold so as to avoid meeting her eyes, instead busying herself with tidying up the mess in the living room. Her flatmate looks at the strangely silent girl narrowly, “What are you thinking? Please, don’t let it be something stupid like I don’t wanna drive in Jeongguk’s car.”

When all Dahye is met with is silence, she knows that specific something stupid is flowing in the other girl’s head. Eunbi spends the next hour packing and letting Dahye think she’s wholly convincing her distressed roommate nothing could go wrong from just being close to each other, and if anything, it could be a starting point.

For the sake of getting at least three hours of sleep before the long drive ahead, Eunbi fake promises her friend that she won’t let such thoughts haunt her mind and stop her from enjoying the holiday (she was forced to repeat those exact words) knowing she’s going to let them do precisely that. She also ends up staying awake all night either way, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse that she can use to ask Hoseok if a small change would be possible, hoping it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to him and his perfect plan.

When the following morning rolls around, the group gathers in the courtyard of the flat complex as instructed hours earlier by Hoseok, who looks like he’s on the verge of a serious crisis when it’s one minute past 8 a.m. and Taehyung still hasn’t shown up. Eunbi fears for her life when she taps his shoulder as delicately as she can, still unable to avoid a jumpy reaction from the boy, who then relaxes when he sees the girl’s sweet smile. That lasts for about one second, because when Eunbi softly asks him if they can talk he’s back to puffing out panicky breaths.

She hesitates a moment before uttering in one single exhale, “I’d rather not go in Jeongguk’s car.” Faced with Hoseok’s perplexed stare, she goes on explaining in a rushed, messy speech, “It’s nothing personal, really. It’s just- Iseul! Yeah, Iseul begged me to be in the car with Dahye… She doesn’t know Sora that well so she said it would be way too awkward. I can go with Namjoon!” She ends it by trying to sport a convincing grin on her lips, but with the way it looks like she’s being held at gunpoint to smile it’s doing the exact opposite, not helping in hiding her own panic at all.

Hoseok takes a few seconds to process her request and read her expression, but in the end he just shrugs and nods enthusiastically, “That’s okay!” He then claps his hands twice, recalling the others’ attention who comically snap their heads in unison, hanging on the boss’ lips, “Tiny change. Eunbi doesn’t wanna be in Jeongguk’s car, so she’s going with Namjoon.”

For the second time in under 24 hours, Eunbi is so embarrassed she prays the ground to swallow her whole. Hoseok doesn’t seem to be making a big deal out of the way he worded his announcement, busy typing away on his phone, probably updating his Word document with the recent change. The others don’t look too fazed either, accustomed with the two infamously not being too fond of each other for no apparent reason, except for Dahye and Jimin: the former is looking at the girl incredulously; the latter has shifted his attention to his best friend.

Eunbi can feel cold sweat dripping down her forehead, the weight of the world crushing on her shoulders. She’s afraid to follow Jimin’s line of vision, but as she slowly does, it leads her to meet Jeongguk’s intense gaze, a slight pissed scowl hardening his features along with his brows almost meeting at the bridge of his nose. His all black attire composed of an oversized t-shirt, cargo bermuda shorts and chunky sandals matches perfectly with the look on his face. He seems confused, and unnerved. And sad? This is not how things were supposed to unfold.

Under such pressure, the girl impulsively releases a nervous laugh, her whole face red with awkwardness, “It’s not like I didn’t- Okay! I’ll just go wait in the car.” Her head hangs as she distances herself from the group, finding an escape from Jeongguk’s disappointment in Namjoon’s car. She bangs her head on the dashboard a few times, making the most of the last minutes alone she’s getting before departure.

Starring in that shitshow was not on her list of things to keep in mind for Jeongguk’s birthday camping trip in any way. On the contrary, what she has been trying to do is going by the rules of the list itself: stay away from Jeongguk and don’t be a bother. Instead, the opposite seems to be happening every time she attempts to be nice to him so as to not be a hassle during the trip. Releasing a shaky breath, she hopes her intentions wouldn’t be misinterpreted by the boy, as she tries foolishly convincing herself the telepathy between them still exists, at least to a small extent. She was only doing this for him. To make it easier for him. Please, please send this telepathic message to Jeongguk.

Connection probably isn’t working too well, because when they all get to the destination after a fairly long ride, Jeongguk still looks pissed, shutting the car door with more energy than required and unloading the luggages, taking his and Iseul’s to the entrance of the camping site. Eunbi narrows her eyes as she observes the scene, the short haired girl thanking the previously annoyed boy and effortlessly putting a smile on his lips, and she almost doesn’t notice Namjoon urging her to move. She abruptly shakes herself out of that trance, relaxing her hands that had subconsciously closed into fists, and takes her bags out of the car. As she clumsily drags them on both of her shoulders, her Converses do little to protect her soles from the rocky ground, and she groans. It’s not like she was expecting Namjoon to carry her baggage, she can do it herself. But as she keeps watching Jeongguk easily handling all that weight, she huffs.

The campsite looks amazing. The space that the group has at their disposal is huge and wholly surrounded by nature, making it the perfect getaway from the chaos of the city. Not too far, in between trees, a glimpse of the sun reflecting its rays in a large lake can be caught. Eunbi witnesses an excellently carried out jam session, with the lively enthusiasm of her friends on microphone, birds on percussion and cicadas on bass. She smiles, and sighs contentedly. Dahye’s words from last night echo in her head, don’t let this stop you from enjoying the holiday, and today she wants to believe them. She’s glad she chose to wear jeans shorts instead of cargos, the heat slowly but surely rising, and a flowy white top that keeps her fresh, for now.

Hoseok instructs them to get to work, and they do. All their bags are gathered under a big ancient tree as each couple and trio starts (tries) setting their tents. While they’re busy figuring out how to ensure the tent won’t fly away, which Taehyung fears particularly, Jimin and Jeongguk offer themselves to go and fill everyone’s water flask at a nearby drinking fountain they had found. Eunbi kneels down to fish hers out of a blue backpack and goes to hand it out to Jeongguk, who’s collecting Dahye’s bottle. The boy smiles at her friend, but it gets wiped off when he shifts his gaze on Eunbi’s shorter figure. The moment is brief, and awkward: her big unsure eyes stare into his hardened ones, arm extended out to him, wondering if there might be something funny on her face for him to turn so serious; she hesitantly lifts her brows, waiting for something; Jeongguk looks her up and down, only to not acknowledge her water flask, and just walks past her.

Eunbi is dumbfounded, the tip of her ears reddening as she remains paralysed with her hand out, even after Jimin collects her flask, muttering something close to Don’t mind him, please accompanied by an apologetic smile. She regains consciousness of her surroundings only when, beside her, Dahye can’t help the snort coming out of her mouth, trying but failing to save it with her hand. The still shocked girl slowly turns to face her amused friend, mouth slightly agape and left eye clearly twitching, “Did he just… act as if I don’t exist.”

The situation shouldn’t be funny, but to Dahye it’s the peak of comedy as she keeps giggling the more the slow realisation of what has just happened shows on Eunbi’s features. Obviously, the latter can’t find one single reason to laugh about it, whining while the taller girl pats her shoulder, still smiling, “You really need to talk to him.”

The targeted girl ignores that, biting her nails nervously, ”Was he saying anything about… me, in the car?”

Dahye lifts her brows, shaking her head, ”Nothing. He’s probably talking shit about you with Jimin, though.” Eunbi follows her pointed finger and catches Jeongguk animatedly discussing with his flatmate, balancing the bottles in his arms, before they turn a corner. Eunbi fusses, lightly tugging on her braided pigtails, and she feels helpless as even the friend who’s supposed to be supporting her through all of this is chuckling at her. Despite being shorter, when Eunbi shoves Dahye’s shoulder she manages to make her stumble, but that doesn’t stop her laughs, though.

”You’re building the tent on your own.” Arms crossed and pout on, Eunbi isn’t joking as she goes to sit under the tree surrounded by bags and ignores her name being called out. Rather than reacting to it, she spots tiny bugs between the grass and inspects them for a while, pretending it keeps her distracted from what’s plaguing her mind. Soon after, with her knees to her chest, watching those ants working to transfer food from one side to the other inevitably gets her lost in her thoughts. What is she doing wrong? There’s clearly unresolved problems between her and the boy who brutally ignored her existence minutes ago, but she thought maybe if she started seeking for truce, then he would too. His response, instead, makes her realise no matter how much she tries, it’s apparently not enough to mend what happened all those years ago. She messed up worse than imagined.

The constant pondering makes her lose track of time, and she comes back to reality with undesired outcomes that she convinces herself to be true. When she recovers from the (as she has deduced, deserved) humiliation, Dahye has already set up half of the tent and Eunbi walks over to her bashfully, “Sorry for being childish. I’ll finish this, Hye.” The girl just smiles softly and nods, sending her a flying kiss that makes Eunbi chuckle before taking her previous spot under the tree. At least Dahye doesn’t hate her.

It takes her a while to figure out what to do but she soon grasps how hard a seemingly simple task can be, feeling bad for letting Dahye do a great part of it on her own. Still, she needs to work fast as lunch time is approaching, and everybody around her is almost finished. She has been crouching on a particular spot on the ground for a while now, trying to properly secure an angle of the tent unsuccessfully. Until she groans exasperated, puffing her hair out of her vision and lifting her body up to find a solution. She tries stomping on it a few times, but it doesn’t work, and if anything it worsens the situation. Huffing out, with her hands on her hips she looks around for help, and the first person her eyes fall on is Jeongguk.

He was already staring at her, comfortably sitting on a deckchair with his legs spread and sunglasses on. His tent looks perfectly set already, with Jimin seemingly fixing the inside of it. His hand is covering his mouth before he uses it to lift his glasses over his head, and is that a smirk? They both stare at each other in silence, Eunbi still struggling to breathe, and she hesitates slightly until her eagerness to be over with the tent becomes stronger. She speaks up to make herself heard over the small distance, “Can you- help me?”

Jeongguk narrows her eyes at her, initially not answering but not even moving from his relaxed position. The girl is ready to be met with silence again, but it’s something worse when he opens his mouth, “I think Namjoon would be happy to do that.” He’s as stern as ever as he returns the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, furtherly spreading his whole body on the chair and facing the sun. Only then, he releases a content sigh, smiling slightly.

All of this cannot be real. What does that even mean? Eunbi can feel her eye start to twitch again and she needs to clench her jaw to stop it. It’s okay. Breathe. She unexpectedly but successfully manages to hold herself from exploding on him, both overwhelmed with tent building and frustrated with his behaviour. She can’t really decipher what led him to not only act cold, as he usually is with her, which is fine, but also mean! But no problem, she’ll try once again. It costs nothing to be nice. And she tells herself she’ll stay that way, even if she’s met with the opposite, until he breaks.

The storm of negative emotions tormenting her thoughts can be distortedly seen as a good thing on one side, if she considers that the sudden adrenaline flowing in her body gets her through most of the task without any help, even mindlessly, while she keeps reflecting on the interaction and the previous ones. Why the fuck would Namjoon be happy to help her? Well, he would, he’s naturally a helper, but why did Jeongguk say that? Is he really that pissed about her going in his car? She tries to understand, she really does. Keep being nice is what she tells herself instead.

When the tent is finally up, only with Dahye’s finishing touches, and food is finally in her stomach, refilling her energy tank, it’s like there’s a switch going off in her head, making it seem as if nothing bad has ever happened. Eunbi is back to her talkative self with a full tummy and a bashful grin while her best friend teases her for the earlier tantrum she went on about, but at least it’s all smiles again.

The first day at the campsite is spent basking in the slowness that follows after ticking off the only two activities planned for today on Hoseok’s schedule: setting their tents and preparing meals for lunch and dinner. The boss then instructs the group on just getting acquainted with their surroundings, and they don’t need to be told twice, making the most out of those short remaining moments of ease.

The rest of those hours are used to laze by the huge lake, in between swims and sunbathes. Luckily, Eunbi had packed a few bikinis and she chose to wear a black set, its laces meeting at the back with a bow. Sitting back and taking it easy, before all that she will be faced with the next few days, gives her a chance to get closer to the others. During the earlier drive, she had the opportunity to chat with Sora and discover the sweetheart she truly is, and the car was then easily filled with laughter, mostly provided by Namjoon and Seokjin’s terrible jokes. She now sits by Sora on a beach towel, all the other girls in a circle catching up and laying by the sun. In the back of their gossip session, the boys could be heard laughing and squealing, and the sound reminded Eunbi of sweet childhood. She briefly shifts her attention to them and smiles when she observes how they’re doing the most to tire their energy out, from using a rope hanging by the branch of a tree to leap into the water, to initiating a volleyball match using one of their rolled up towels.

Eunbi grows even fonder than before of the people she’s surrounded with, the earlier stress leaving her body and being replaced by serenity, a small sigh released from her lips before she returns to listen to the girls’ chat. She laughs at something Dahye says and jumps on it excitedly, making the others chuckle at the two friends eagerly recounting one of their craziest uni experiences so far.

All of it is short lived when Taehyung and Jimin suddenly drop a water balloon over their heads, a collective gasp filling the space followed by the two boys’ childish giggles and Dahye’s screams, getting up to run after them. They all spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get back at each other with more pranks, bathing in the lake’s cold water and taking silly group pictures to seal the day. As the sun begins to set, they all sit on their towels and silently observe nature, definitely too tired to speak, and preferring to savour the sweet moment.

When the sun finally leaves its place for the moon to rise and the group of friends gets back to their tents, their stomachs growling signal it’s time for dinner. They take turns to shower using the nearby public structure and then help setting a campfire to cook. It also works as a very needed source of heat, given the temperature has significantly dropped and their bodies are still humid from washing up. Eunbi wears the grey cargos she had discarded earlier this morning when deciding on what to put on, and a white tee, her damp hair falling on her shoulders and making her feel slightly chilly. She comes up beside Yoongi to help him with the meat, benefiting from the warmth of the fire.

There’s not much talk between the two, only the older boy advising her to be careful of the flames every two minutes, but it’s comfortable. Eunbi still has a hard time reading through Yoongi, and maybe it’s what she enjoys the most about him: his aura is soothing and it exudes security. He doesn’t exactly show it, but he’s deeply attentive and caring of his friends, and the girl feels safe next to him. She can sense him looking over at her while the meat is cooking, and as she turns to him she meets his eyes with a smile. He ponders, scanning her face “You got sunburnt. You need to wear sunscreen tomorrow, or it’ll get worse.”

Eunbi chuckles, dragging her pointer finger up and down her red nose, “Yeah, I know. It kinda hurts but it looks like I have natural blush now!”

Yoongi shakes his head with a small amused scoff, “That’s stupid, Eunbi. Wait for me here, I’ll go get you an after-sun cream.” And even as he walks off, he reminds her to not stay too close to the fire. She thinks that’s an exact demonstration of what the boy is truly like in her head.

The girl keeps grilling the meat, humming unknown melodies under her breath, and she almost misses a broad figure sitting on one of the chairs surrounding the fire. When she looks up, it’s Jeongguk avoiding her eyes and instead staring at the flames, their light reflecting in his big orbs and making them shinier. He wears his bermudas from earlier, but he now has a grey Stussy hoodie on top of it. His locks are still wet after freshly coming out of a shower, and they curl on his forehead, making him look like a poodle. She smiles. It’s like 15 years old Jeongguk is there with her again, his bare, exhausted face and droopy eyes taking her back to Busan. Without even realising what she’s doing, she extends a cooked piece of meat his way, “You want some?”

Startled, the boy breaks from his spacing-out and registers the request. He looks between Eunbi and the meat, gulping. He licks his lips, and she swears she can also hear his stomach rumbling. When he keeps ogling the food without replying, she wiggles the fork and his eyes follow its every movement, as if hypnotised. Then, he suddenly screws his eyelids shut and breaks from the trance, simply shaking his head no and fishing his phone out of his pocket, mindlessly scrolling on it. Just like that, she’s back to the present, and Jeongguk hates her. Eunbi narrowly glares at him while he can’t see her.

Yoongi comes back soon after with two different creams in his hands, and he gives them to Eunbi with a chuckle. She thanks him and lets him take over the cooking, while she curiously inspects the products, still standing next to the fire. When Yoongi spots his younger friend on the chair, he asks the same exact question as her, forking a piece of meat, “You want some?”

Jeongguk’s attention is back up, this time on Yoongi, and when he sees what his hyung is referring to he eagerly nods. Eunbi interrupts her examination just in time to see the boy hungrily shoving the food in his mouth, brows furrowed and praising noises accompanying his munching, making the older friend by her side chuckle. Instead, the girl is once again in disbelief, even more as he watches Jeongguk patting his knee with force, satisfied with the bite, “Hyung, this shit is so good. I want more.”

Eunbi scoffs imperceptibly, leaving the scene with an annoyed scowl wrecking her pretty features. As she enters her tent, she’s glad Dahye is still showering as she makes the most of that isolating moment. She sighs wearily and whips out her phone. Using its camera, she tries to ignore her tumbling emotions and instead puts on the creams Yoongi had given her, but not even those are enough to distract her. She’s still incredulous at what she’s being put through, her patience wearing thin, and the pact she made with herself before coming here is dangerously close to being broken.

Dinner is spent with good food and even better people, and only then Eunbi visibly untenses again. In between bites and full mouths, they go from discussing random facts to casually engaging in games of Truth or Dare or Never Have I Ever, the beer bottles slowly being emptied while their tummies get filled. When they’re done eating, the relaxed smiles on their faces implicitly communicate how the meal has been the perfect ending to the lovely day spent together. Still, they stay by the fire and keep up an effortless chat. When one of them comments on the limpidity of the sky, its stars being perfectly visible in this zone of Seoul, they all look up and stare in silence at the fullness of the lights.

Even if it’s not too late, the weariness from being out in the sun for multiple consecutive hours is weightening down on most of them, Seokjin and Sora retiring to their tents, soon after being followed by Yoongi and Hoseok.

It’s a little past midnight, and Eunbi starts to feel more and more affected by the cool breeze, its effects showing on her prickled skin. She tries to warm herself up by rubbing her exposed arms with her hands, but it’s to no avail, “God, I’m so cold.”

A collective agreement follows her claim, with Iseul speaking up and curling herself into a ball on the deckchair she’s sitting on by taking her legs up to her chest and hugging them close, “Me too, it’s freezing.”

”Oh, I have a spare hoodie.” Both girls snap their heads at the voice, which belongs to Jeongguk. However, as he quickly gets up to retrieve the sweater from his tent, it’s not clear who between the two he’s referring to, their curious expectant eyes following his every movement. Eunbi has her reasons to feel so eager, given the fact that she has been begging for one nice interaction with the boy, a spark of hope lighting up in her chest at his offer. On the other hand, she doesn’t know why the other girl seems equally excited, twirling her short hair around her fingers as she waits for Jeongguk to come out of the tent again. She huffs, a pout ending on her features.

When the sought-after boy gets back with a blueish crewneck in his arms, both girls hold their breaths, the sudden tension going unnoticed by the others (except for Dahye, she’s like a psychic when it comes to her best friend’s emotions), until Jeongguk lays the piece of clothing on Iseul’s shoulders, coming behind her and then sitting on his chair again.

Iseul bashfully thanks him, the tips of her ears seemingly reddening while a sweet, alluring smile makes its way on her lips. Eunbi scoffs at that, and if looks could kill Iseul would be dead right now. The dirty look she sends her way luckily goes unnoticed, and she keeps hugging her own body trying to provide herself with warmth. When she shifts her attention to Jeongguk, he’s already looking at her, smirking. She can’t be convinced he isn’t doing all this on purpose.

Even with her teeth almost chattering, the neglected girl forces herself to stay with the others until the end, and with Namjoon and Taehyung retiring to sleep only six of them remain. Under a white full moon, the conversation doesn’t really follow a clear direction, steering from existential questions that none really have the answers to, to Jimin’s drunken adventures. Jeongguk giddily joins the recounting and adds many details to it, specifically highlighting the embarrassing parts that his roommate is trying to omit to save face, and making all of his friends laugh with their whole chest, Eunbi included. She simply can’t ignore the fact that he’s naturally charming, and hilarious as well. In the middle of his storytelling, his whole body gets involved and it makes the events seem even more impressive. Eunbi smiles when she compares the Jeongguk in front of her to the beloved one in her past, the one that would sit her down and force her to keep up with his running imagination, constantly up with new ideas for silly scripts.

Then it’s Dahye’s turn to share one of her experiences, and Eunbi inevitably gets thrown into the tale, which had seen the two friends drunkenly sneaking themselves into a concert. It’s like they’re perfectly mirroring Jimin and Jeongguk’s dynamic, because while Dahye is trying to leave out critical parts of the story, Eunbi strongly insists on specifying them with an unseen emphasis for 1 a.m., causing everybody to laugh along. In between chuckles, her eyes fall on Jeongguk, who is mindlessly scrolling on his phone and seemingly not paying attention. Throughout the recounting, she notices Jeongguk distractly listening but never laughing, and if he does it’s only after something said by Dahye. Slowly, the enthusiasm gets wiped off her face as she curls up on the chair, sulkily letting her friend finish telling the story.

Another hour of effortless conversation goes by, and Jeongguk is back to lively chatting again, his animated gestures and witty jokes getting laughter out of his friends, but this time Eunbi doesn’t join. She silently sets on observing the boy, despite being caught a few times. She really wants to understand the reason behind his behaviour, but there’s no factual explanation she can come up with other than the obvious reasons that put them in this situation in the first place. If that’s the case, there’s nothing much she can do other than going up to him and finally talking it out like the mature adults they should be, but with their petty, silent bickering she doesn’t think that’s happening any soon.

While she’s busy squinting her eyes at the boy, in a borderline creepy manner, she doesn’t notice Iseul crouching in half in laughter at something Jeongguk said, until she’s directly referring to her, “Oh god, Eunbi! Why did you never tell me Jeongguk was this funny?” Said girl is startled by the question and by the abrupt interruption that shakes her out of her trance, confusion written on her face and it must be evident with the way Iseul goes on explaining, “Dahye told me you’ve known him for a long time.”

All at once, the atmosphere is tense and maybe Iseul and Aera can’t feel it, but Dahye definitely can as she snaps her head to her friend, who’s staring directly into Jeongguk’s eyes. The two seem to be battling an unnamed war through eye contact, and the intensity of the boy’s gaze ignites something implacable in the girl’s chest, dangerously close to rage, and it has to do with all the feelings she’s had to bottle up in less than 24 hours. She scoffs, referring to Iseul but never breaking the staring contest with the boy, “Oh, is he? Don’t think I’m well acquainted with that side of him yet.”

If the tension wasn’t palpable to everyone before the comment, it surely is now, the only ones that have something left to say being the crickets and owls in the background. Jeongguk only snickers before washing a hand over his face, an unsettling smirk on his lips. He seems to finally acknowledge the other girl’s presence, but it’s not in the way Eunbi initially imagined it would go. Instead, it’s venom spitting out of his mouth, “You would've been if you weren’t so self centred, always wrapped in your own bubble all the fucking time.”

Eunbi's confidence falls as quick as her heart, a sudden force weighing on it and almost crushing it. She’s fast at hiding it, ignoring the slight sting she can sense in the back of her eyelids, her only goal is to shoot harder. She forces the fakest smile she can muster, “Self centred? Are you sure you're talking about me?” The affronted girl scoffs, loud and sarcastic, “Fuck, and I thought you'd know better than that, Jeongguk. You should try getting your head out of your ass and look around. Maybe you'd see how shitty you've been treating all of us-” me “-for these past weeks.”

Jeongguk is visibly taken aback, and it’s his heart falling this time, his face following suit. His broken features do little to hide the doubts plaguing his spiralling mind. Had he pushed it too far? Had he been actually so bad to his own friends? Seeing his contender’s face relaxing with victory makes him snap out of the sudden trance, as he regains consciousness fast. No, he hasn’t. Fuck this. Blinded by anger, he utters the unimaginable, “Speak for yourself when you say shit like that. As far as I'm concerned, I've been treating you fairly seeing the bitch you are.”

His eyes are as pitch as black, the stars in them that Eunbi would love to get lost into are unreachable now, almost as if a dark cloud had obscured them. It must be the pollution that's taking over his heart too.

She’s frozen in place as the cruel words echo in her mind, the force that was keeping her heart underwater had managed to crush it, and it was now coming up her throat, squeezing the air out of her lungs. Her ears ring with the sudden lack of oxygen, and she can only faintly hear Dahye’s raging comments coming in her defence against Jeongguk. She can only seem to focus on the cracking of the fire, though, its thumping noise suddenly unbearable, as she feels more and more engulfed in its flames. She forces all sounds to come back to her, strongly pulling herself out of her own plagued head, the boy in front of her now unrecognisable to her empty eyes.

Looking around, she notices all of her friends — his, after all — had gone extremely quiet, the pressure weighing on them too. She can't stand it, needs to get out. She wishes she had never agreed to this. So much for keeping her peace. Yet, she'll never give him the satisfaction of knowing how much that hurt her. She'll die before crying in front of him.

“Well, if you don't mind, the bitch has had enough now, so with all due respect, she's going to sleep.” With a forced tight lipped smile, she gets up in one fast movement and walks to her tent, leaving the others disoriented, and a still furious Dahye scoffing at Jeongguk. He follows her with his eyes until she disappears in her shelter, clenching his jaw and announcing his departure soon after.

Inside the tent, Eunbi takes several deep breaths trying to calm down, and she feels frail when she can sense her eyes prickle with tears. She tells herself it’s angry ones. Apparently, being nice isn’t enough, and she watches as the seal to her pact shatters with force, signalling no come back. Following suit, the puzzle breaks once again, and she’s left scrambling for the pieces falling, looking for the one that will start it over again. And this time, it’s going to be even harder.

[mostlyghostlyy]

How possessive do you think Kobble is? I think he has to be at least a bit, but like him being a more passive pining stalker it might look a little weird on him. Less telling you off and more desperate, maybe.

I think he definitely has a possessive side during a relationship. Before, he would be mostly just passive pining and stalking. When you’re finally his, he doesn't want to lose that and will take drastic measures to keep your affections.

I don't think he would ever outright tell you off in any way. Any criticism would be masked in light-hearted passive aggressive comments. Dale seems more like the type to try to be coy about things, and would prefer to sulk instead of addressing any concerns with you. Deciding instead to hint at things and hope you’ll notice. If you don't understand what he's lamenting about, it will only make his mood worse. Rough sex usually follows. He would be huge into guilt tripping. He likes the attention it affords him, even if it's negative.

Jealousy is a big component of his possessiveness. He is very sensitive to the feeling of envy. If he ever feels slighted or ignored at all while you are in someone else's company, you would never hear the end of it. His hands would be all over you, and Dale being shameless would start talking over the conversation. He commands your attention, whether you are finished or not. He will say anything to get you to leave the conversation, even if it embarasses you. Throwing a smug grin at the individual while you tote Dale off to somewhere more private.

I don't think he would be controlling enough to keep you hidden away from friends and family all the time, but he definitely wants most of your free time spent with him. And if you do have plans with anyone, he will make sure that they know you belong to him. Dale would be fixing you up with hickies, bites, bruises. Any kind of sexual related markings so they cannot be misconstrued. He does this when you go out together, making you sport a shirt that has a plunging neckline so everyone can see his trophy (you).

You would have no privacy with this man. He would always want to know where you are at all times. Even if you simply stepped outside for the mail he would be at the door, pestering you with questions when you returned. Dale is clingy, and that mixed with insecure is a toxic mix. He would need to do everything with you, and would act as if he can't function without you by his side 24/7. Dale has no boundaries, so he would expect you not to have any either. I think he would be personally offended if you ever asked for space, and might even break down in tears. Expecting you to comfort him. On this note, I think he would want to know what you’re thinking at all times. Constantly looking for validation that you’re happy and that he is secure in trusting you.

A cute little hc that i have (which is i guess only slightly possessive, but still applies) is that he NEEDS to be the one to drive you places. You need to get to work? Dale will drive you there, and pick you up. Something from the store? Dale loves errands! Meeting a friend? Dale will also be meeting the friend because he’ll transport you! You will never have to touch the wheel of a (personal) car again, because he will take you anywhere you want to go. He will not take no for an answer either.

[astroyongie]

ೃ⁀➷ Future Spouse Reading ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

I am back with a reading for Future spouses! this is a general reading so of course the info here isn't 100% for your FS but you can find some info that you might want to get an eye in!!

Take a deep breath

close your eyes

Now chose a pile that you feel more connected with and discover what it says about your possible FS!

Have fun !!

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Pile 1 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

: ̗̀➛ Astrological Placements

their are Air dominant so either a air sun or rising sign

in some cases its an air sign stallium

: ̗̀➛ Appearance

Your FS is someone average height depending on their gender. they are mostly a white person so they can come from Europe, USA, Canada, more from the western countries. they have sharp eyes and nose. I didn't got much on their physical characteristics

: ̗̀➛ Personality

witted and vif personality, they are someone who see things as they are, they have a very straight mind and way of being

they are also the type to have a different perception of the world they are very observing and they are able to pick on the small changes that happen around them

FS is also someone with a big heart that often helps others instead of helping themselves. this energy also could mean that they will work on something that is help related such as science/medicine area such as doctors or nurses or even social workers or psychiatrists

: ̗̀➛ Background

Didn't get much here but they aren't someone who come from a rich background. for many of you, your FS comes from either a middle class family or a more economic difficult family background, they are close to nature so its possible that your person has grew up in the country side rather than in the city.

: ̗̀➛ Sexuality

isn't much to say here, they are someone pretty average and "banal when it comes to intercourse. I feel like they aren't the best but they aren't the worst either and that things will mostly feel like a normal married couple

: ̗̀➛ Difficulties

they are someone that will be stuck into a routine most of their lives, so your life will be mostly dealt through routine. waking up, taking care of the kids, going to work, find the family at night. they are someone who needs routine, who doesn't really like to move around or travel a lot

Your FS is also someone that grew up in a very toxic environment or for some they are someone who have a very toxic environment around them. this could potential make the couple go through some issues in the future and its also the main difficulty in the relationship.

: ̗̀➛ Random

for some of you, you will end up marrying someone who is divorced or someone with whom you will divorce in the future. there for man y the energy of divorce so it really will depend from case to case (this also could be the person you will end up with after a divorce for exemple)

they are someone with many resiliences skills and they are very brave in their every day to fight the difficulties in life. they set straight boundaries and they don't allow people to take advantage of them

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Pile 2 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

: ̗̀➛ Astrological Placements

Here we have either a earth (mostly taurus) or libra sun, rising and stallium

: ̗̀➛ Appearance

for most of you, your FS is someone black or brown skinned colored (in some cases mixed), with short hair. they are rather tall for their gender and can be considered handsome/beautiful

: ̗̀➛ Personality

they are very creative and they might have an hobby of doing music, painting or doing any type of art in general (for some fs this could also be a professional vocation)

they are very agitated, they are someone that always needs to move, they are very funny they like to tease and they just unable to stay quiet and still

despite all they are also someone very sensitive and they have their own emotional side that needs to be take care of

they are very chick, coquette. they like to dress well , to look well, to have a nice scent, to always be good looking, they take care of their appearance a lot

: ̗̀➛ Background

for most of your, your fs will be a fiend of your first or a friend of a friend/friend circle that will be introduced foo you and which will be falling in love posterior to this

they are also a fight in their soul. this for some could mean your fs will be working in security, firefighter, combat sports or illegal sports, street fighting, soldiers or military in general.

: ̗̀➛ Difficulties

their mental health will be the principal difficulty you will have In the relationship. of course this will be translated differently for everyone and each fs will have their own mental illness that will be a difficulty in the relationship in its particular way.

Your fS is also someone that used to do bad things (either to themselves or to others) and even after being married they can still have these patterns which might cause issues in the marriage

just like another FS, this FS also has repetitive behaviors which means they have a hard time letting go of what is inscripted in their behaviors since they are young and some of these patterns can make you uncomfortable or provoke arguments

: ̗̀➛ Sexuality

they are the type that likes new things and doesnt like traditional sex altogether. even after being married it won't lose the spice nor the novelty. they are also a experienced lover and for many more experienced than you in the matter

: ̗̀➛ Random

they have always new resolutions, and like I said they like to experience a lot so they are always ready to take their wife/husbands to an adventure

they also have a very bad relationship with their work and for some with their working colleagues and that would be something hard to deal with all their life

be careful because they are the type to attract a lot so people will fall in love easily with them and they will alway try to make you two apart

these person will have physical transformations during your marriage. for most it will be from going to skinny to chubby or going chubby to skinny

in many of your fs will be very spiritual or religious

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Pile 3 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

: ̗̀➛ Astrological Placements

pisces energy here but honestly any sun, rising or stallium in water signs

: ̗̀➛ Appearance

they are rather short for their gender, and honestly this person could be from any ethnicity, there isn't here any thing that gives away where would they come from. due to that their physical appearance is also impossible to say

: ̗̀➛ Personality

they are quiet by nature, shy, introverted even I must say. they aren't confortable in open spaces in general and they like to have their own cocoon

some of you will be dating someone who likes to write or to read

they can be quite chaotic as well, like someone messy that often forgets to do their responsibilities and need to be reminded constantly

they are free free too. they won't be the type to force you to do things the same way they expect you to give them enough freedom

: ̗̀➛ Background

most of your FS had at least one experience with abandonment (either parents or earlier partners) which causes them to be very very insecure in their life and to have patterns of behaviors that reflect those issues

despite that, they are very close to the family they have left (in some cases even to the family that have abandoned them/mistreated them). Family plays a huge factor in their personal lives

During their adult life they will be able to have some luck when it comes to their love life with you or even in their work since they have a rough start, as they will get older, their life will fix itself

during their life with you they will probably suffer form heart diseases

: ̗̀➛ Sexuality

your FS would be someone quite goo at sex because they are just as kinky as they are nurturing and the combination will go quite well for their partners. they are very romantic and that can be felt inside the bedroom

: ̗̀➛ Difficulties

they are someone that are instable emotionally so this will possibly bring a lot of complications in the couple I the future

and with that they are also very doubtful, they doubt everything and everything, they doubt feelings and actions. once again this will go with the instability and be one of the major difficulties to live with

for some of you, they are someone that would rather keep the relationship discreet or even secret from other people. although this could not be an issue for some, it could be an issue for others, specially if you are the type that likes to show your partner around or in social media since your FS isn't the type to enjoy exposing their life around

The weight of their family is very very present, which means they are unable to let go of their family opinions nor the need to see them or be with them. this can be cute but also a huge difficulty to solve when in a married relationship

: ̗̀➛ Random

they will be the first one falling in love for you, and they will probably try to court you, flirt with you and try to conquest you when you two first met

some of your FS will be living by the sea

some of your FS are people hat believes and likes to manifest

but also they enjoy the beauty things of life and might have a liking for luxury things

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Pile 4 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

: ̗̀➛ Astrological Placements

water energy, so water sun, rising or stallium sign

: ̗̀➛ Appearance

most of your fs will have eyes of color and mostly green I see here. they are more for the brown color (not entirely black so maybe mixed or for exemple form arabic roots or even Indian in some cases and even for some asian with a more honey liked skinned tone). they have a very impressive built as well

: ̗̀➛ Personality

they have a temper thats for sure, they are usually very quiet and nice but they can be very agressive as well depending on who they don't like

other than that they are also a very jovial personally. they like to be happy, they are funny and enjoy making people around them happy

: ̗̀➛ Background

most of your fs will come from a wealthy family or at least their background will be economically better than yours

due to that they are also probably someone who will have a lot of money, who will work and have a good job or studies. they will be able to provide

: ̗̀➛ Sexuality

their sexual energy is rather complicated to read because some of the fs have a very complicated relationship with sex altogether and they view It as complicated or at least they are very traditional in some points

however in some cases they are also quite kinky, like bdsm kinky like

: ̗̀➛ Difficulties

I feel like most fs will have a posterior relationship that caused them many issues. obviously for each person this will be different but the common point is that, the past relationship has a lot of influence on our you fs will behave with you which will cause issues

they lack of communication a lot, they aren't the type to communicate well or to talk about their feelings. this could potential be a difficulty especially during arguments

some fs will have a personality that is very complicated to deal with because they can be easily evil without meaning it (in some cases) which again can be proven difficulties

: ̗̀➛ Random

their mother is very very present in their live which is good but at the same time can be complicated (especially if they are boys)

despite coming from a wealthy background they are very generous and they are the type to enjoy sharing what they have with people who need it. they will also provide for their partner and give them whatever they need

expect them to be a long erm successful professional. no matter the job they do, they will be successful and continue the wealthy partner that is already present on their family

but also this comes with he fact that they are a workaholic and they probably spend little time at home

they will have throat issues during the marriages, mostly disease associated

the relationship between you two eventually gets better with the years

i see that you guys will also be the type to have a. lot of projects and some of you will even move countries a lot or will be changing to move abroad.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Pile 5 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

: ̗̀➛ Astrological Placements

air energy, Aquarius for most of you. So sun, rising and stallium in air sign

: ̗̀➛ Appearance

they are average height for their gender, they come from a white background, probably western as well. They have big eyes, probably dark in color and a sharp nose. they have a fluffy appearance so for some they are chubby/curvy

: ̗̀➛ Personality

diânt got much info here, other that they are people that are rather intuitive, very in sync with their emotions and with their spiritual side or their faith in some cases. their whole personality is mostly based ont heir values and morals

: ̗̀➛ Background

they will be someone with a rocky and rough path while they grew up, thankfully not of tFS have gone through healing and emotional healing and therapy.

some of these FS will be found after you (or them) had a very harsh break up. however in some cases this marriage will also end up in divorce.

they are someone that will suffer a lot from digestive diseases after you guys get married

: ̗̀➛ Sexuality

they are very active sexually, they have a strong sexual energy and probably the type that has a lot of passion and energy to give into the relationship. it will differ form FS from FS, but most of yours is quite kinky, mars like energy and masculine energy as well

: ̗̀➛ Difficulties

they are someone that enjoys to be alone and often they will try to push you away unconsciously or not talk to you when something is wrong. because of that this would bring in some difficulties inside the relationship

they also have a hard habit to break into their behavioral patterns. most of your FS has an incapacity of changing the way they are, they always go back to their usual patterns which again can be rather problematic depending on what pattern of behaviors they have and how harmful they are to you or themselves

: ̗̀➛ Random

they are someone that always have a new idea or new goals in their life and they will mostly try to take you in their crazy ride

however they also lack a lot in planning and if you are someone that actually executes plans than the marriage will be nice and balanced. your FS is also someone that can fear the unknown and doesnt enjoy leaving their confort side

they will be working independently and for themselves. for many fs this can be someone that has their own company or have their jobs hat doesnt require to work for someone else

again, the divorce energy is very represent but it will be different form everyone in some cases you guys will divorce or find each other after a divorce

Your Future Spouse isn't your twin flame

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Pile 6 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

: ̗̀➛ Astrological Placements

here we have earth energy, but also air signs and scorpio. in sum, rising or stallium

: ̗̀➛ Appearance

they are someone with short hair, in some cases their will be rather bald. they have dark eyes and hair (if they have any). they are average height for their gender and they are more of a dark skinned tone than yours

: ̗̀➛ Personality

they are someone that don't miss opportunities and they take whatever lives throws at the without being bitchy about it. they are very grateful for what they have no matter if it is positive or negative

they aren't a liar, they are someone who likes to tell the true and likes to listen to the true. don't attempt to lie to them

they are someone rather stable in their life, with a stable personality as well

they are also very intuitive !

: ̗̀➛ Background

in most cases this is someone that have suffered from negated when they were a child and that have impacted their perception of the world a lot

and in some cases your fs was either cheated on a lot of they have a very large cheating list before they have met you

: ̗̀➛ Sexuality

they are rather good at sex. they aren't bad and they aren't extradionary but they are good and they are usually the type that can safety a married person

: ̗̀➛ Difficulties

for most of your, your fs has commitment issues which will cause complications in the marriage. for some your fs won't want to marry or they take a lot of time to marry you, in some cases they can cheat or be paranoid and think you are cheating on them. they have trust issues and commitment issues and that will be the biggest difficulty with them

: ̗̀➛ Random

despite everything it is possible fo you and your fs to live in a very happy relationship for the rest of your lives (if you learn how to forgive cheating in case it happens )

they are also someone that during the marriage will known professional failure (probably will get demitted in their work or will lose their job or will have a period were he won't find work/won't be able to work) and they will need your support a lot

probably to leave together until the end of your days

[black-lake]

astro observations 2

more observations today for ya? this time both signs and aspects. 🦊 

Should I call it the Aquarius post? 🤔 I mentioned Aquarius too many times, sorry I relate too hard, bear with me. 

Highlights: aquarius, MC, IC, sun, virgo, capricorn, gemini, sagittarius, jupiter, mercury, moon, scorpio, aries, uranus

------

🦋 Aquarius placements especially sun, moon, mercury, mars, MC and ascendant are PROS at ignoring your texts until they want to answer. It's like they either consciously ignore your text to rebel against what others expect them to do and do exactly what they want at that time, or unconsciously rebel in the same way desiring complete "freedom". My bestie is aquarius sun and I'm aquarius MC, we answer each other's texts days or weeks later and are okay with it 💀 oh, the answer is also too irrelevant it makes you want to throw your phone at a wall yay 😻

🦋 Fire moon + fire/air mars and anger issues 🤝

🦋 Virgo moons, you had a critical mom or parental figure, you internalized her voice, you criticize without knowing. Your words can make someone self conscious even if you think it's innocent judgment 🥺 Your words can also make some's day because you are trusted! (applies to gemini moons and mercury too). Don’t take it for granted. Until you know how to use your judgment for good, with balance and kindness you become the warmest most looked up to friend.

🦋 Capricorn moons are such complex individuals, their trauma is unique to them, they can endure and have endured a LOT. They are extremely caring or deadly careless no in between. Keeping it professional is what they're good at. Each one I met is so much different than the other, they have similar but different stories, but they all have this grounded energy that can make them even seem heavy energetically. Once evolved, they can be the wisest people to talk to.

🦋 Aquarius MC individuals might have been too emotionally attached to their family at a young age, especially their mom (with leo 4th). They had so much passion and love for their mom and realized it wasn't equally reciprocated, they were manipulated (hits home). They also might have been jealous and needed the love and attention all on them, but they dgaf anymore. 😎 At a certain age, their family broke their trust and they became completely detached. They learned to be emotionally secure and set strong boundaries with people which shocked everyone. They stopped giving energy to their family or anyone else. They ran out of f*cks to give so soon.

🦋 Aquarius MC/IC they were and always will be seen as weird and different from their family and everyone else (hell I'm seen as controversial and questionable even when I sit still and do nothing). love that.

🦋 Also if you have Aquarius MC, IC or Ascendant check when saturn transits 4th or 10th or aspects the nodes/mc. This indicates the end of karmic cycles with your family related to your self concept and self expression. You will have a chance to break cycles and be more individualistic. It may be painful but hold on. 🥺

🦋 Gemini and Virgo ascendants can be introverted or extroverted, mostly introverted, unless they have planets in the 1st, much air or fire energy. They always have a way with words tho no matter what, and they always are nervous, their minds never shut down, they keep thinking and rethinking lol. These individuals break social norms, research and discuss topics much more profoundly than what has been done before. They have topics to talk about that were forgotten or not discussed enough.

🦋 Sagittarius moons and placements, feeling the need to laugh at the wrong, very wrong time. LOUD laughs . Laughs that make others stare with a look of concern. Making jokes when it's time to get serious. Repeating jokes as it gets more serious. Making more jokes when someone tells them to stop. Laughs at people not laughing at their jokes. Laughs at their own joke before they say it. plz I admire. 

🦋 Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius, Capricorn, Aries, Leo, Scorpio mercuries intrigue me the most, they got something impressive about them, the way they talk and their words are powerful, can equally be destructive and toxic. People can take them the wrong way. What they have to say should be heard period. Watch your speech if you have these signs, you don’t want to hurt people or yourself.

🦋 Now I don’t like to talk about how Scorpio and Aries mars are seen as "sexy" because it's been said trillions of times (even tho I like to read them because I'm a scorpio mars 💀). But hear me out, the most prominent thing about all scorpio mars individuals is that they like to move in complete silence, like they don't exist, like you will never catch them. Every decision they take in life is private, because that's the only way they can shock you with their big success and revenge on all people that didn't believe in them. They want to keep you guessing and never give you answers but will show actions and accomplishments only. Their biggest dream is to come out on top once everyone has forgotten about them (or not), but to see your jaw droppin is their wet dream loool.  

🦋 Mercury conjunct Uranus? and all aspects for that matter, but especially the conjunction. You cannot convince me that these individuals are not geniuses, no matter how dumb they act. Take care of your mind, it's something special gorg. Also your voice must be so unique, it stays on someone's mind and is so vivid when they think of you. 

🦋 Mercury conjunct Jupiter, the philosopher. You just like to talk about abstract and broad topics. Spiritualist at heart, rational to deny it often tho. You have sooo many interests it's insane. You are the jack of all trades. People expect you to know things? You come off as a know it all, even if you don't mean it (yea I have it I relate). You have lessons to learn and teach those around you especially about their concept of life and beliefs. Any compliment you give can mean a lot to people. Your positivity is infectious. 

🦋 Mercury aspecting Jupiter, especially conjunctions can give a lot of optimism, this applies to neptune positively aspecting chiron as well. I see it in charts of people that have heavy saturn, pluto or chiron energy, to balance the darkness, their ability to think positively is healing to them and others because likely other things are destroying them in life and they already have many wounds. Your optimism is not an illusion, it's a gift from the universe. Life gets better as you spiritually evolve. 

🦋 Moon opposite/square mercury, such a hard aspect. A constant mental and emotional conflict. You don't know whether to trust your thoughts or emotions. You don't know when you're trusting either. There is a direct and strong influence of thoughts on emotions. Now that means your thought can hurt you or elevate you so be careful. Especially at a young age your thoughts and others' thoughts have hurt you deeply, as you grow you learn how to balance it out, to not give a f*ck. The good thing about this aspect is that these people pick up on their thought patterns easily and have potential to manipulate their minds to their benefit. Mental health is important to these individuals. Don't let your mind run wild especially in a negative direction. It's also important to surround yourselves with positive people. Music might be important for you to process emotions. 

🦋 Conjunctions are far from being "neutral" aspects imo. They are powerful natural talents and gifts in perspective, confidence, expression and skills. These aspects are always positive, even to challenging planets, if they act negatively then there are likely other challenging aspects to the same planets, the native might have not learned yet how to work with this energy or hasn’t realized their potential. Conjunctions are the highest and strongest potential any two planets can reach. The planets don't become "one", they rather meet eye to eye, acknowledge their qualities fully and work out their differences beautifully which manifests in the form of talents and potential. Yes like all aspects they got their negatives too but their positives enormously surpass the negatives. Conjunctions are highly positive aspects, it's unfair to call them neutral.

[zahri-melitor]

What was the purpose of the New 52? Was it really a failure?

There’s a loaded essay topic!

The purpose of the New 52, to my best understanding, was stated to be the opportunity to tell stories that were less weighed down with continuity and allow a clear starting point for new fans to hop on board and start reading comics.

Basically, COIE and Post-Crisis is a successful version of what they wanted! COIE did in fact reset the universe and make a nice clear boundary for fans, and while if you dig in, particularly to 1980s comics, it wasn’t always as clean or tidy as people think of it being, and it created some weird discontinuities requiring additional retcons (Donna’s everything being the most famous, particularly to tumblr), it created a 25 year long largely coherent story where characters grew and changed over about 5 in-universe years of narrative.

Let’s look at Wally, because he’s emblematic of it. Wally in 1986 was a young adult who just lost his father figure, was expected to step up and take on a role he had never expected to need to take, especially that young, and was a kid from a fairly conservative background who had never examined his views.

Wally by 2011 was a fully grown adult who had a wife, kids, extended family, a career, was fully respected in his role as the Flash, and had found his views becoming significantly more progressive over time as he was exposed to more of the world.

This is fantastic long form story telling. The problem is to tell long range generational storytelling is that you have to be willing to allow those legacies to occur and the character focus to shift. And that makes fans of older characters, particularly the ones giving up their legacies, mad and long for their faves to be back in their prime.

Enter the New 52.

New 52 was an attempt to cut this Gordian knot. If they created a new timeline where superheroes only had 5 years of history, then that meant that the classic Silver Age headline characters couldn’t be ‘too old’ to still be realistically running around doing what they do. They had to be in their late 20s-early 30s! Young! Hot! Spritely! Relatable to a new generation!

While some of these characters did have 70+ years of history, the thing is that nearly 50 years of it (1938-1986) had already been compressed and glossed down to basics. Nobody can actually tell you what happened the year Dick Grayson was 14 years old. You can build one from old storylines if you wanted to have it! But it's not as easy as pointing to a run of comics and saying "during this Dick was 14".

This left two significant problems in tension with each other:

The intention to make Bruce, Clark, Hal, Barry, Ollie, Arthur, Diana etc about 30ish years old and the key adult members of the DCU to revolve stories around.

Everyone from the Titans on down therefore had to get significantly younger to fit into a 5 year history, but a lot of these characters ALSO had active fans and writers wanted to use them.

And then, on top of that? Because the intention for resetting to a new universe was to remove the burden of backstory from storytelling, the editors and various offices...never sat down and worked out together what the new history contained.

This led to the wild situation where The Flash, for instance, was reset to a pre-1986 state where there wasn't even a KID FLASH, and basically every member of the Garrick-Allen-West-Chambers-Mercury Flash Family not named Barry Allen or Iris West had ceased to exist (and uh, given it's the Flashes, only ONE character with each of those names existed). While over in Batman, the writers tried to hang onto everything and they cut ten years out of the timeline mostly from discarding Dick's history, so that Bruce had 4 Robins in 5 years.

This obviously created a lot of the issues. Because there was no structure as to what was in or out in the new universe, writers just...did whatever. And contradicted each other. And when they realised the contradictions, tried to write retcons to excuse it. (Was Tim Drake Robin or not? Depends on which writer you ask!)

Was it successful?

In the short term, in terms of sales? Yes, absolutely. DC managed to get a bunch of new readers in, as was the financial intention. It also did allow for a shift in focus on some characters: it's where basically all of Damian Wayne's stories that people like as stories (and not as concepts) exists; it's where Jason Todd's modern characterisation as an antihero and dynamic with the other Bats was established; it brought back a bunch of older properties that hadn't been seriously used in years back into the spotlight; due to the fixation on having 52 titles running at all times it gave a lot of characters opportunities to headline titles that hadn't got that in a long while, and the opportunity to try out different styles of storytelling; it provided the opportunity for modern rewrites of origins for some characters that needed some retcons applied - Morrison's Superman is well regarded and both Aquaman and Green Arrow's origin rewrites for instance put things together more coherently and discarded some outdated elements. Blue Beetle's rework of Jaime's history to keep the main elements but excise the fact it was so reliant on Infinite Crisis was actually better considered than people give it credit for.

The bigger issue was the lack of planning meant that the timeline became a burden on the whole initiative, particularly given how many fans were asking for the return of beloved characters and dynamics that had been wiped away or rendered unrecognisable in the reset. On top of that, there was the conception that they could just abandon the whole timeline again at the end of 5 years and start over, so large radical changes were fine and wouldn't have ongoing effects.

Also, the initial boost of sales from being able to announce brand new titles, like every time an #1 is announced, trickled away. Yes, it was the entry point for a generation of new fans. But also it wasn't any more turnover in terms of new fans than in any other period, on the long term view. There were still more people who were comics fans of DC who were long term fans than there were new fans, buying comics 2-3 years in, and those are the sort of fans who DO want the continuity back. They've got decades of favourite stories that they were told no longer mattered, and they wanted them to matter. And they lost a whole chunk of fans who reacted to New 52 like it was a contact poison and...stopped buying DC comics.

And so, like a pyramid scheme or a shell game or a company expanding too fast, it started to fold in like a pack of cards. DC found itself frantically relaunching more and more titles in 2014 and 2015 as they tried to regain the new feeling momentum of 2011. Their timelines needed people who cared deeply about the characters to go over things and reinterpret them to make things flow, and most of the people interested in doing that were trying to reinstate pre-Flashpoint continuity elements.

And that's why eventually, in 2016, we got Rebirth.

I don't think it was an outright failure. There are salvageable elements. But I think the damage it did to the company reputation and to their ability to exploit what makes cape comics distinct and unique as a storytelling form far outweighed the benefits gained.

And the recovery process from trying to turn the situation around has been long, drawn out, and is still ongoing for some characters.

[leggerefiore]

could you maybe do hcs for poke villains with an s/o whose love language is physical touch?? preferably fluff but i would not mind light angst regarding a few who would reject it at first but learn to love it :3

(not even arceus, creator of the universe, could pry me away from cyrus’ thick ass arms. i need to sink my teeth into him RAHGHGHSAG)

maybe part 2 eventually with volo, lys, gio, and colress

cw: fluff

characters: Cyrus, Guzma, Archie, Maxie

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ He struggles. Touch is not his forte. There is an urge to keep a distance from everything. You clinging to him makes him nervous. The physical closeness feels like a boundary he struggles to surmount. Gifts seem to be where his love language mostly lies, and physical touch is what he most avoids. Cyrus never grew up with it. His family was never the type to give comforting words or any kind of touch… He genuinely tenses up at first when you embrace him. It is all so foreign, and his mind simply feels frozen. Any gentle caress or hold is simply too much. He needs to be freed and given ten minutes alone to process everything. Then, he needs to remain untouched for another hour to reset. It is a difficult time getting him adjusted, needless to say. But, he does. He shifts to accept the touches for longer periods of time.

☄️ Slowly yet not so steadily, he becomes accepting. Alas, there will remain little reciprocation from him. While you may cling to him for long periods of time, he still prefers that it remain during private times. Any kind of touch in public will almost always be rejected outside of a quick kiss or hug. His image is something that he feels must be preserved. And, in private, he still battles with his complicated feelings about touch. While he understands what you prefer, his body physically freezes and hesitance claims his muscles. There is no harm meant by it, and a part of him slowly does come to enjoy the feeling of your embrace during longer cuddle sessions or a peck to his lips or cheek as a greeting. That part begins to crave it, even. He feels lost as to what is going on with him.

☄️ Perhaps, one day, he will overcome the mental boundaries that prevent him from coming to accepting this. When he gets over everything related to his madness and rejection of feelings, he may find himself wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your nape, letting out a contented hum. Or even initiating the greeting kiss instead of waiting on your lead. Maybe, even, those late night cuddles his body craves and unconsciously initiates will finally be done openly in the evening rather than slowly overnight. The physical closeness of your body allowing his mind a rare of kind peace that he cannot believe he denied himself for so long. But… It will be a rocky road to get there.

💀Guzma🕶

□ He is touched-starved. Guzma's parents were not the most affectionate, and Team Skull is not exactly a place where you just find a cuddle buddy. Well, not for Guzma. Part of him is relieved that you seem more than giddy to wrap him in an embrace and just cling to him, and another part wonders if he really deserves it. A good for nothing… Maybe there was a nice bone in his body because he does worry about your choice in him as a boyfriend. But, when you smiled up at him, those feelings disappeared. Whatever his shitty old man used to say did not matter – You loved him despite his flaws and showed it almost constantly. Those dark thoughts faded. Your opinion was the only one that mattered.

□ He struggles a bit in public, wanting to keep up his tough appearance. There is a strange thought that he might lose his edge if he has you clinging to his side. He understands your preference in showing love, and he accepts it – but, being intimidating is an important part of his image. Though, there is something funny about his beating someone down speech while his partner clings to one of his arms. It adds to it, actually. His grunts at least say it does. Guzma believes it, too. (Kukui gives a good laugh at it and is happy his old friend found a partner for himself. He thinks it is a good balance for him.)

□ Ultimately, physical touch becomes his main method of affection, too. Guzma loves to pull you into a hug and rest his head on your own. Having you close to him reassures whatever unwanted thoughts enter his head or just reminds him that you are close to him and that your support is always there. Anything you want to give him is eagerly accepted, too. He loves anything you are willing to give him. Hugs are a favourite, though. Kisses are second… They are nice but sometimes feel too intimate for whatever you might be doing. Kisses are a common greeting between you both, usually ending up bringing multiple to different areas. His favourite of all has to be you napping on him, though. Something about seeing you sleeping on him feeds his ego in all the right ways.

☀️Maxie🌋

🪨 He struggles. Maxie genuinely does. Everything he does is so structured and guided that even something as simple as your preference for giving affection gives him pause. What example would that set for him as a leader? You cannot just cling to him whenever you feel like. There were rules to these things, right? Especially in public… His mind races at the most simple of touches from you. He was given adequate affection growing up, but… Rules. He struggles to find a good way to accommodate your needs.

🪨 Public touching seems completely impossible with him. Even just holding his hand results in him pulling away and trying to pretend that he did not notice or react. It may hurt, but it is something that you will have to work him on. Maxie does apologise when you are both alone and attempts to explain his actions, so you do not think they were done in malice or rejection. He does wish that this pressure was not on him, but he really does think that his example is most important. It is difficult to sway him away from that line of thought. He does feel bad about rejecting you just showing your love so frequently.

🪨 In private, he seems like an entirely different person. Any kind of touch is accepted with pleasure and whatever tense air that surrounds him is completely gone. Cuddling is a common way to spend time together – Maxie simply adoring the warmth that the shared contact brings. Kisses are common, too. Mostly quick pecks to the cheek, but he allows a kiss to the lips all the same. He initiates fairly often, too. In truth, Maxis adores the warmth generated from physical touch. It is a nice comfort on his stressed mind, and he finally can let go of all his stiffness. Your way of showing affection is adored by him in secret. He will never let it break his stern facade, but, well, when you are alone with him, you will know.

🌧Archie🌊

💧 He loves it. Archie simply cannot get enough. The pirate is exactly the same way, so he is glad you feel just the same as him. Physical touch is the best way to show love, right? Letting yourself be so open and vulnerable with another is a special thing… Not to mention the endorphins! He is ready to let you do anything and everything with him. His family was pretty much all like him, so it was really no surprise he brought the same energy out himself. A guffaw can only leave him when you sneak a tentative touch, and he turns around and deepens it. You might meet your match in him.

💧 He loves doing things in public. Why should he hide anything? The whole world should know how much you two love each other! Kisses are shared whenever you and he want to, and public cuddles are not a common sight around Lilycove or the Aqua hideout. If anyone comments on it, they get a glare. Why does it bother them? He does not really care – All that matters is that you are happy. He loves making you grin whenever you come in to hug him or kiss him or even just hold his hand. There is a certain pride he gets in knowing that he meets your needs so well. You really seem almost made for each other.

💧 In private, everything is cranked up to ten. He loves for you to just sit in his lap and have your arms wrapped around his neck while you both just relax from whatever was happening in your day. Kisses are longer and perhaps a little more passionate – something he does actually draw the line at in public just a tad. He loves catching you from behind and pulling you into a hug, or you even doing the same to him. There is probably very little time you two spend apart from each other at home. Cuddling when in bed is a must, too. He loves holding you close to him like a plush toy. Really, he is the best partner for someone inclined towards physical touch.

[eddiessluttywaist]

desiderium

an eddie munson series

AGELESS/BLANK/UNDER 18 BLOGS ARE NOT WELCOME TO INTERACT. PLEASE RESPECT MY RULES AND BOUNDARIES.

summary: eddie’s odd, forgotten childhood friend seeks him out when he needs her more than he realizes.

pairing: bsf!mechanic!bartender!eddie x eccentric!bsf!fem!reader

word count: 4,752 words

content/warnings: eventual smut so MDNI, angst, swearing, loneliness, mentions of drugs and crime, mentions of imprisonment, family issues, feeling unwanted, slight bullying, anxiety, nightmares, insomnia, depression, loss and grief, mentions of spit, super brief mention of alcohol and vomit, very brief mentions of breakups and inappropriate sexual relations (nothing reader or eddie are apart of). i think that’s it!

a/n: this is my first attempt at a slow burn series so i hope it’s good! i’m also trying a new setup with photos instead of gifs ^ i’ve seen a lot of other people do it and i think it looks really cool so! also creds to who owns and posted these photos! they’re not mine, i just made the collage!

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5

*

Eddie Munson had grown bitter since you last saw him. To be fair, the last time you saw him was when you were kids but still. You always knew him to be boisterous. Adventurer Eddie. Eddie with the weird ideas and cool drawings. Eddie who made you laugh until your stomach cramped and you would cry out that he was going to make you wet yourself.

You didn’t know it as a kid but even then he couldn’t catch a break from the world around him, and apparently it never stopped spiraling even when it beat him into a hollow shell covered in grease during the weekdays and alcohol—and occasionally vomit—on the weekends. He was worn down by his own worries that never seemed to cease and miserable stories of others admitting things they should’ve never said aloud. Sometimes the stories were fun or at least amusing, but mostly just depressing. This was Hawkins after all.

This wasn’t an Eddie you knew. Had someone told you that man in the garage wasn’t him, you simply would’ve nodded and kept going on your journey to find him.

But it was him, and you were positive he was meant to be back in your life. No matter how much it was hurting right now.

*

You didn’t know why he left at first. It was as if he ceased to exist, and sometimes—when you were all alone at night—you wondered if he had been a ghost. If he had been an imaginary friend, but surely not? He had his own home you hung out in. His own dad who let you guys eat too much junk food and stay up too late. He looked and sounded real when he would scarf down several bowls of honeycomb cereal with those slurping noises you always hated and would whine at him over. He felt real when you would play wrestle—and unfortunately very real when he won and would pin you down while slowly letting a string of saliva stretch down towards your face in an empty threat. He never really did it, but it was gross all the same, and when he’d let up you’d punch his arm as hard as you could.

One day, you asked if your parents remembered him and your father scoffed at the question while he stared at the newspaper, but at least he acknowledged you at all. Meanwhile your mother had all her focus on putting her earrings in and checking her makeup in the small mirror on a wall surrounded by family photos. Those framed pictures felt emptier than the looming threat of Eddie’s spit touching your face.

“Well his father’s a bottom feeder stuck in prison,” your dad flicked his paper to straighten it out again from where it had begun to bow backwards. “And his kid is probably no better. You’ll make other friends.”

You never understood why he was so cold about the loss of your only friend. You’ll make other friends. Yeah right. No one liked you. Everyone made fun of the way you sat idly on swings just to kick on occasion as you focused more on the book in your hands, or the way you’d squat down and give all your attention to a bug in front of you. Either a line of ants that you regarded with pure intrigue because you wondered how they always filed so neatly and did their best to stay together. Sometimes you left crumbs by them just to see if you could watch them pick them up. You’d watch snails and show them the attentiveness and respect you felt they deserved as they slowly trudged along—so determined, you thought. You’d watch butterflies and try to keep track of all the different kinds you saw. A lot of them were small and fluttery with those buttery white wings, but sometimes you saw a monarch and your eyes would grow large with excitement.

You cried when Zachary McKay would stomp on the anthills or teased you about how the French ate snails—something his dad would say was just more proof of how odd Europeans are. They were one of those arrogant “We love our Country!” households with an “I can do whatever I want—America is the land of the free” ideology and it showed in their unbridled and privileged ass of a child. You didn’t inform him that one Spring of the wasp nest that formed on the underside of the slide he frequented. Maybe it was mean, but you were content in silence over on your swing when you heard him crying out in pain one day. He developed a crush on you in high school that dramatically contrasted how he treated you in grade school—and even tried to make a move at Maddi Ecker’s 17th birthday party—but you could only think of the ants and the snails. You turned him down and he was horrible to you again.

You eventually did make some friends, other odds and ends throughout your school, but it wasn’t the same as it was with Eddie. Maybe it was childish and stubborn, but you could feel it deep in your gut that he was one of a kind. So you couldn’t let him go. All those years you ached for your friend who you considered lost. He always came up with wild stories and (when you were still relatively young) you imagined he had become a pirate and was lost at sea. Or became a gunslinger in the Wild West and didn’t draw fast enough. Maybe he went to slay dragons and wound up a burnt crisp of a human. That last one made you cringe the most, but he probably would’ve liked it the most. He loved mythical creatures the way you adored real creatures. By high school you weren’t as naive. You heard about his dad—caught with multiple charges of grand theft auto, a hit-and-run in one of said stolen cars, and dealing drugs. The hard shit. Not weed or shrooms. But the kind of stuff that really ruins lives.

You always thought Eddie had a good home. His dad didn’t hate him the way you were sure your parents hated you, and he had a nice house. It wasn’t a mansion or anything, but they really didn’t need anything beyond a one story and a sizable basement with only two of them. In hindsight, you supposed he couldn’t find a home in that childhood house anymore than you could with yours. Yours lacked love. His lacked a reliable source of income.

Over time you heard about the night with all the sirens and social workers. The night he turned into a spirit that had finally moved on—an imaginary friend that your growing mind ceased to conjure. He lived with his uncle over in Indiana, rather than your small town in Ohio. Even in your mid twenties, he flashed in your mind like a small blip on occasion and it still twisted your stomach.

You thought of asking if you should go to him whenever you remembered, but you thought you needed a sign. What if you showed up too early? And you messed up any possible grand plans? So you avoided indulging in questions about him to your tarot cards or over your pendulum map. On occasion you caved and just asked a simple question: is he safe? It was a yes every time you broke and just had to check up on him, and the answer reassured you for long enough until the next time the concern rose up to unbearable levels.

But then you started getting those dreams. Sometimes they were just memories playing from deep within the archives of your mind. Sometimes they were nightmares of yelling at someone to go away, only to realize it was Eddie far too late—and when you wanted to run after him to correct the mistake, you couldn’t move as quickly as you knew you were capable of.

It went on for about a month before you finally broke. Your eyes had snapped open, accidentally waking yourself in the middle of saying what you had been shouting to Dream Eddie out loud into your pitch black room. You glanced at the time. 11:11 PM. You felt your heart skip a beat before you shoved yourself out of bed. You had to take a moment to steady yourself against your bedpost from the sudden movement making you dizzy, but then you were flicking on the light and digging through your belongings. You didn’t even give yourself a chance to wipe away at the thin sheen of sweat over your skin from August heat mixed with a cheap fan that really didn’t make that much of a difference, and the stress from the events that had played deep in your mind while you slept.

With a shaky breath, you smoothed out your map on the floor where you were squatting, and steadily held your pendulum over the center. Does he need me? You finally asked and watched as the chain connected to a sphere of rose quartz slowly began to circle. It sped up and then began to dart in different directions before finally swinging back and forth between both of the “YES''s on the piece of cloth.

*

It took a little over a month to arrange your departure from your life in small town Ohio—not that small town Indiana was really all that different. You had briefly been back at your childhood house after your lease came to an end for the apartment you shared with a friend (who didn’t want to renew because she wanted to move in with her boyfriend, and you didn’t have the heart to tell her that the card spread you had laid out all pointed towards a breakup). All of this to say you didn’t have a lease or mortgage to tie you down. You certainly didn’t have a boyfriend (you haven’t had one since college), and you didn’t even like your job at the local mart so it was easy to give your two weeks. Your parents were just as sick of your presence now as when you were a child, and were willing to help you in every way possible to get you to just leave again. Had you not been so focused on your end goal, you might’ve taken a beat to really feel the hurt that always came with parents who only came to your aid when it meant keeping you at arm's length. But you couldn’t focus on it and really (for the sake of your mental health) you shouldn’t focus on it. All of your energy went towards Eddie who seemed so far, even if he was supposedly just a few hours and a state line away.

You didn’t have a place yet, which was a mistake on your part for rushing, but you could stay in a motel for the time being. The prices were pretty low anyways and the owner seemed pleasantly surprised by the sudden source of money and company. The lot belonged to her husband who had passed a few years back, so now it was only her running the place. Her daughter helped sometimes, but she had another job to focus on—only coming to help when the older woman was ill. So even though she appeared kind of grumpy at first, she really softened up to you when you wound up padding out of your room the first night and asked if she wanted to play Go Fish. You had been feeling antsy and lonely, and you were right to assume she felt lonely too.

Over the past week or so, you found a friend in that creaking, groaning motel. You did have a bit of a tendency to befriend the adults around you more often than kids your age when you were younger and it still happened now, apparently. A shrink at university pointed out once that it had to do with the lack of guardianship and guidance growing up. That you were trying to replace something that had always been missing, but you didn’t go back to him after a couple sessions. You didn’t like how patronizing he was, telling you things you already knew. And when you asked your dowsing rods if he was sleeping with any of his clients, the two pieces in your fists whipped open in a blatant “Yes!” But he wasn’t around now to make you feel low with his supercilious commentary and his notes that he always scratched down right in front of you. Your parents weren’t around to remind you of how utterly unlovable you can be. It was just you, Martha at Hawkins’ Blue Bird Inn, and hopefully a pleasant reunion on the horizon.

Today was the day to finally see Eddie, and Martha urged some confidence into you this morning before sending you on your way with the directions to the garage. No matter how many times you clarified he was just your childhood best friend, she got that sly look about her that always showed when an adult was all amused about the novice in front of them being openly or involuntarily blind to love.

So there you were. On a mild Wednesday morning in late September, standing before Thacher Tire after a lot of asking around, a lot of time flipping through Martha’s phone book, and even more odd looks. You let out a careful breath, doing your best to reassure yourself with the knowledge that the people you spoke to knew his name in the first place. He had to be here, and even if he wasn’t working today he should at least be employed here. Maybe you could be told when to come back to speak with him or where you could find him outside of work. Would they share something like that? People don’t tend to care about privacy in small towns, that’s why everyone knew (generally) where everyone else was. Maybe if you clarified that you’re an old friend, they wouldn’t treat you as a customer and tell you where he would be.

You were wringing your hands as you eyed the door in front of you. The glass looking in was worn from age and weather, clearly cleaned so people could see through it, but there seemed to be an aging to the corners where the rectangle of glass met the surrounding wood that couldn’t be scrubbed out. It felt like a portal looking into what could be, and you suddenly felt yourself getting anxious with what exactly meant could be. You had a knack for catastrophizing, and spiraled in all of the worst case scenarios until you were running back to your car and abandoning the lot.

*

“Trust me, it’s not as scary as it seems. Going for those intimidating opportunities is always better in the long run than letting ‘em slip away,'' Martha murmured to you before biting into the sandwich you brought her.

You bought typical fast food that you always came running back to when you were stressed, but she didn’t like the grease. You learned that over the past week when you brought up your bad habit, and her nose scrunched up at the mention of crappy burgers and overly salted fries. Instead you got her a tuna sandwich from the nearby marketplace, and she shared her big jug of iced, sweet tea with you.

“I haven’t seen him for over ten years…,” you sigh, toying with the crackling paper that was wrapped around your cheeseburger. “What if I’m the only one who clung onto our friendship? What if it’s stupid to him?”

“Mm, us women always do hold on longer,” she hummed thoughtfully and you refrained from your urge to correct her old-fashioned view of gender dynamics for the sake of staying on topic. “I still think you should go for it.”

“What if… what if it’s not what I think it’ll be? What if I’ve turned him into someone more fictional than Eddie in my mind, and when I’m faced with how he really is now I just… I dunno…wish I didn’t come here?”

“They never are what you conjure up. They’re always better up here,” she pointed a bony finger to her temple and you focused on one of the curls in her short gray hair for a second before bringing your gaze back to hers. “I still think you should go for it.”

You huff out a laugh at her repetition, smiling sadly to yourself as you look down at your hands and notice the thin sheen of grease on them. Maybe Martha’s right. Maybe this food is gross. You grab a few napkins from the brown paper bag and wipe at your fingers.

“Just think of it this way: is it worse knowing the truth or worse never knowing?”

*

Eddie had been having a shit day. Actually he had been having a shit week. If he let himself truly indulge in his pessimism, he’d be acknowledging that he’s altogether just had a shit life, but he was trying not to fall into that trap. It would make him the kind of depressed and bitter that made him snap at others and then feel guilty about it—which only made him feel worse about himself.

He hasn’t been sleeping well, a sudden flare up of his insomnia throwing off his circadian rhythm. He thought with how busy his schedule was that he’d knock out the second his head hit the pillow, but he only seemed to be exhausted until he finally laid down. Then was when his thoughts randomly chose to run and his heart would race with the sudden surge of anxiety-inducing thoughts. He was beginning to feel so overwhelmed by everything that his eyes burned with the beginnings of hot tears but he wiped at them carelessly with the heels of his hands before they could become too real. In his mind, they didn’t exist until they fell.

Eddie ached with exhaustion that only seemed to let up when he could actually get a shot at some rest. He ached with loss and grief. He ached with pure misery and painful seclusion and a silent trailer—besides the occasional buzz of electricity through his lamp that he turned back on when he realized he wouldn’t be sleeping anyway, or the groan of the old mobile home settling against its cinder blocks. The upcoming season made itself known through the ever growing chill that formed at night and occasionally blew through every crack and crease of the trailer, making him shiver and pull his blankets up before inevitably growing hot again and kicking them away.

He missed his friends that he rarely saw. Everyone is busy nowadays. He missed Wayne who… god, he couldn’t even think about it. He missed Chrissy who lit up his world Spring of ‘86 just for them to drift apart. People seemed to drift from him a lot. People seemed comfortable with forgetting him and giving a brief call only when they got a pang of guilt at any reminder that they were getting awfully close to leaving him behind. But who was he to drag them down? It was heart-aching enough to live the way he did sometimes, let alone when people acknowledged just how heart-aching it was. Sometimes he even missed his dad, but he always avoided thinking too hard about him before it could sink his mood to a new level that would be hard to crawl out of.

He hadn’t been able to fall asleep Wednesday night until early into Thursday morning. He settled into a deep rest around 4 AM just to be abruptly woken up by his 6:30 alarm to make sure he was at Thacher’s by 7:00.

“Fuck off…,” Eddie groaned out loud and slammed his fist down onto the alarm clock, never lifting his face from where it was planted right against his worn pillow.

He laid there for what felt like forever, but was really only a few minutes before he finally peeled himself out of his spot. Forcing himself from the comfort of his old mattress was never easy, especially when he couldn’t rely on any excuses he made up as a teenager to just flop right back into his bed. He had to get up. He had to work.

He went to make his usual toast just to see there was only the end piece left in his loaf of bread, and let out a guttural groan of frustration as he tilted his head back. He forgot to stop at the store. Grumbling a bitter so that’s how today’s gonna go under his breath, he shoved the sad excuse for a slice of bread into the toaster and then began looking through the kitchen for something else to satiate him until lunch.

He wound up eating what was left in his jar of peanut butter with a spoon after slathering the small piece of toast with jelly. He didn’t have time to clean a travel mug (which he forgot to clean last night) so he took a regular one with him on his commute, and wound up dumping his coffee all over himself mid-sip when he had to stop short for a kid suddenly biking across the road. The young teen laughed at the close call and made his way to the other side of the street. Eddie glanced down at his drenched t-shirt and coveralls, releasing his third irritated groan of the morning while he rolled his eyes up to the ceiling of his van before focusing back on the road and moving his foot to the gas. He focused on taking deep breaths as he gripped the steering wheel and made his way to the shop.

Thankfully, Linda had already started a pot of coffee in the break room which he happily drank and patted at his wet clothing with one of the blue shop towels. Staining was inevitable and it really didn’t matter with the coveralls anyways, but that didn’t mean he had to be damp. Taking that moment at the start of his shift helped with his mood, but the amount of customers bitching over the phone about how long it was taking to get their cars back were steadily draining him back into a surly mood. The most he had to look forward to and keep himself from unnecessarily snapping at someone was the fact that it was almost the weekend—and yes he would still have to work nights at The Hideout, but at least he didn’t have to get up early.

*

Never knowing was decidedly worse.

You had concluded this after ruminating on it all night—with and then without Martha’s help. And despite all of your anxieties that were just barely buried under the surface, you made yourself go to the garage again.

An obnoxious, tinny bell sounded and a dull voice said from behind a counter: Welcome to Thacher Tire. What can we do for you?

You approached carefully as if you moved too quickly, the depressing gray and beige setting around you—which held far more meaning for you than just fixing cars—would suddenly melt away and you’d wake up.

“Do you know where I could find Eddie Munson?” you asked in a soft voice, and the woman obnoxiously chomping at her gum looked up at you over the top of her glasses before looking back down at the paperwork in front of her.

“He’s in the garage. Is he working on your car?”

Your heart jumped and although you hated to lie, you did.

“Yes,” you said probably too quickly, but it seemed nothing could get this woman to care.

“Wait over there, please,” she spoke in a voice that was just as greige as her place of work.

You thanked her meekly and shuffled over to one of the worn, faux leather and hard plastic seats. The room smelled of cheap pine air fresheners and the potent combination of oil, and that specific rubber scent of brand new tires. The space with the front desk and the waiting area was small enough to be cramped if it was a busy day, but since you were the only visitor at the moment you didn’t have to be confronted by the full potential of such limited space. You toyed with your hands and tried to pay attention to the fuzzy television in one corner of the room, but you couldn’t help listening in on the receptionist’s call.

“…’s a girl here to talk to ya… uh-huh… yeah I know… uh, no I don’t think so. I doubt it. Her voice is different from the one that keeps calling about the Ford. Might be though... ‘Kay.”

You anxiously wiped your sweaty palms over your jeans as you heard the clunk of hard plastic settling back into its cradle. What if he didn’t remember you? What if he did, but didn’t care? What if he thought you were weird for showing up? What if he grew up to be someone who stomps on anthills?

Your head shot up at the sound of a door opening and then closing from the back, and a man in filthy coveralls approached the woman behind the desk. He had messy, curly bangs settled on his forehead and the rest of his long hair was in a low ponytail. He was sweaty and clearly exhausted as he wiped at his forehead and left a swipe of grease in his wake, speaking quietly to the receptionist before making his way over to you. The closer he got, the better you could smell the grease and sweat and bitter coffee, but it didn’t deter you. What truly threw you were the circles under his eyes and the sort of pale cast to his skin that people got when they were fatigued or ill. You weren’t sure why a part of you expected to see an eleven year old kid approach you with a god awful buzz cut and big brown eyes, even after fourteen years.

This was it. This was your moment. The time to reclaim your best friend, and have the greatest person you had ever met back into your life. Why was your throat suddenly so dry? You swallowed anxiously and then parted your lips to speak and-

“Miss, I know you’re waiting on your car to be fixed before the weekend—I promise I’m working as quickly as I can.”

You tried not to cringe at the use of “miss” and looked up at him with wide, sad eyes wondering why he didn’t see an almost ten year old girl with a messy braid in her hair that she did by herself, complaining at him to chew with his mouth closed.

“I lied,” You said bluntly and the man stared at you in a way that felt blank and still despite his wonderment.

“I-I don’t have a car here. I just wanted to talk to you.”

He eyed you curiously, his hands slowly wiping onto an old rag. It looked like it had been used so many times, you doubted it was even picking up any filth on his hands but just moving it around instead. He was clearly thrown off by the sentiment which brought a sort of youthfulness to his face in that moment of curiosity before his features hardened.

“Listen. I’m sure whatever prank you have conjured up is hilarious, but I’m tired and trying to do my job.”

“No-- no, no,” you tried to clarify, shooting up from your seat. “I—I-”

But he was already swiftly stomping away from you towards the back, muttering to the receptionist with a quick and surely rude comment about you on his way. You were moments from being politely asked to leave, you’re sure, but the woman hesitated with a gentle expression when she saw you approach her with glossy eyes.

“Could you please just give him this?” you asked in a soft voice that you did your best to keep even, but of course it wobbled just enough to be humiliating. You could feel the heat in your face and (even worse) the moisture in your eyes so you did your best to avoid eye contact.

You outstretched your arm and she met you halfway with a nod, allowing you to drop the old friendship bracelet into her palm.

[cmyk-anaglyph-honeycomb]

Helluva Boss S2E9 blind blogging

[did the minimum about of editing and half of it was done while I was at work, so please excuse any grammar mistakes.]

(Mostly relating to the last episode)

Again, Stolas refuses to just talk. He was walking away and teleported Blitzo out of the building but now, after ignoring texts, he gets pissy cuz Blitzo wants to talk. 100% of this is because Stolas doesn't want a conversation. Blitzo misunderstands his intentions and jumps to conclusions, but when at least 3 opportunities to talk are given, Stolas shuts down.

Also where was this desire for a real relationship months ago after Blitzo admitted that he didn’t see their relationship as anything other than Stolas wanting to sleep with him. THAT is when they should've had an honest talk not mouths of avoiding each other.

(Okay now this ep)

God they made Blitzo so obnoxious to prove a point.

Veronika is a famous popstar, wtf does she care enough to throw an anti-Blitzo party? They have barely interacted in the show, never once in this season, why is she suddenly so pissed at him? How does she know Stolas is an ex, that happened recently.

If Stolas is that ‘done’ with Blitzo why doesn’t he just teleport him off the property again?

"Im UnCoMfOrTaBlE wITh HoW yOuRe SpEaCkInG tO mE nOw" fuck off. You had no problem going on a rant about all the dirty shit you wanted to do to him while he was being fucking gun down but now that shits uncomfortable. 

Stolas said whatever he wanted to Blitzo whenever he wanted and the second he doesn't feel like it, talking like that is breaking a huge boundary. Jump off a bridge.

Where did he get the impression that Blitzo and Striker were friends? Besides the games he never saw them around each other. Gives of the ‘these kids are near each other so they must be best friends’ energy. Like, no, they just met.

"You knew someone was trying to assassinate me?" 🥺 Yeah your wife was screaming about it two feet from your face. If it wasn’t important then, it isn’t important now.

I'll give Stolas the Striker thing and immediately take it away cuz it wasn’t like Stolas sounded afraid or even concerned during the phone call. How tf was Blitzo supposed to know royals could get hurt? Striker only had one angel weapon as far as IMP knew.

"Why would I allow everyone to see how much I like you? How I’ve tried to try so fucking hard to show I like you, to support you."

Fucking when? Where? Name literally one time. That shit at the harvest moon festival doesn't count because if Stolas actually cared he would've paid attention to how uncomfortable Blitzo was with him shouting pet names directly into the microphone. He’d know that him and Striker aren’t friends. Blitzo using the book was an arrangement for sex that Stolas offered. That is not support.

The one and only time their relationship was called out by others Stolas hid his face. Anything after has been in private and not where anyone, not even Blitzo was a witness. Ozzie is the only other person Stolas has openly confessed his feelings for. And he's with his own imp, so of course he isn't going to make a big deal about it.

“That was still the gayest thing I’ve heard all day!” Ignoring the actual line, why is he going feral? Wtf is this scene for? It's so out of place for what’s going on. This is something Loona would do.

“I don’t own you dick.” He’s right tho. Stolas tried to change the relationship without giving Blitzo a heads up or even communicating properly and then got butthurt when he didn’t get the answer he wanted and that was before Blitzo went off on him. And that’s after months of avoiding each other. This talk about changing their arrangement should’ve happen after Ozzie’s. Or at least hinted in Seeing Stars.

Why is the murder family wife getting an apology like she didn't try to kill IMP too ?Why does Blitzo know where she lives. DHORKS shouldn’t get apologies either, kinda ruins the point of Blitzo doing this ‘my name is Earl joke’ if he's apologizing to these people he had the right to hurt. I wonder if Moxxie got an apology.

The party has no music, making it the funniest scene in the series.

I knew they were going to make Veronika the bad one but good lord what is this. Are she and Stella drinking the same crazy juice? That made her Lute levels of crazy. 

You're telling me that ALL these people are Blitzo's exes? That insufferable ass? Is he supposed to drop dead gorgeous and the crew didn't tell us?? cuz no way this annoying man can pull that many people.

How did Blitzo get that far into the party and no one, all of which are there because of how much they hate him, didn't notice? Did he sleep with that many people or just date them? Why are any of these people wasting their time like this? Blitzo isn't important, he doesn't do anything. He is another asshole in hell, a place filled with assholes. Wtf is Blitzo's shitty behavior so out of place?

Oh look another situation where Stolas being in a relationship with an imp is not given any levels of importance or notice. 

So Tex is just mouthing the words right, cuz no way his voice is just blending in like that. Why is he here? 

Did they recast Stolas's singing actor? This song is bland. The singing is okay, but the music might as well not be there.

He's whining about still wanting Blitzo but refuses to speak with him or attempting to get him to have a serious conversation. He has no idea what Blitzo wants and has never asked once.

Stolas is drunk now? He only had a few drinks. In the circus he downed an entire bottle and was fine. Now a few drinks of spiked punch and he's wasted?

They throw this party every year!? You are shitting me. Why? He has signs posted everywhere. His crew is three other people, just kill him if he's that big of a problem. 

The creators cannot convince me that all these people care more about Blitzo than the oppressive society they live in, a member of which Stolas is.

Stolas's drunk rant kinda reveals that he wants to be loved and less that he wants to be in a loving relationship with Blitzo specifically. Interesting.

Seconds later Stolas is flustered by some random guy just asking to dance. Interesting.

How does Verosika know about the apology tour? He walked out on her when she said I love you, okay that's bad, but after spending so much of the episode making her look like a crazy ex, it gives off the impression that he dodged a bullet. At the very least Blitzo is actually in the wrong and it isn't some misunderstanding like with Fizz.

Glad they addressed that Blitzo being bad at relationships is a weird thing to focus on but it isn't explained. Unless he is extremely abusive, many people should not care about him / still be angry. These people live in an environment where they can be murdered at any time and almost no one would care / do anything to help. Compared to all that, a shitty boyfriend is kinda nothing.

I’m glad Verosika wasn’t completely shat on during this episode, especially in the last bit. We probably won’t be seeing her again but at least she got to leave with grace. 

I like the ending song.

Final thoughts. This episode worked overtime to make Blitzo the bad guy. It pulled maybe 100 people out of nowhere to justify Stolas’s anger and for what? The way he was so quick to hook up with another guy, shows he doesn’t care about Blitzo, he cares about the idea of a good relationship. That’s fine on its own, but the first part of this episode and the end of the last was about Stolas making his shattered pipe dream Blitzo’s problem.

Out of all the episodes that do not have a B plot why is it this one?

[messycunt]

Need me more of that Hucow Malleus... and just Diasomnia in general, my favorite boys.

This was supposed to be short but woah boy, strap in because your dumb Hucow au (tone: affectionate) hooked me like a goddamn fish. I did not know I was horny for this. Some of it is requests, some personal headcannons/ideas/sacrificial offerings for your au.

Ummm, for the sake of recognizing me in the future, can I be assigned an anon emoji? IDK which one to pick, but if you're willing to select one based on my vibes, that's cool!

May I request how Mal and his handler's relationship kicked off? He isn't aggressive so I imagine his previous handlers felt intimidated or could just never find Malleus to perform handling duties! So Crowley just had to rotate through staff hoping to find a handler Mal is fond of. Or perhaps Mal chose his handler through a chance meeting...?

In the meantime, I imagine Lilia was a pseudo-handler for Mal but couldn't perform most of the duties due to their familial-platonic relationship. Handler duties seem really intimate.

(Speaking of that... Does the job come with a "you might get fucked by Hucows" disclaimer? Or is that JUST Crowley's farm? If humans and Hucows are equal, do the non-farm Hucows act mostly normal and the farm Hucows choose to lean into their more primal, horny side?)

Also not to be a simp but here's some more things my silly fangirl brain has thought up:

Imagine Malleus disappearing on his handler's days off because he's followed them home (with their permission, after pouting at them the whole day) and is enjoying a domestic weekend? Cooking home made meals for them, playfully doing a role-reversal where he is the "human's handler" which is mostly him insisting on doing chores, assisting with basic things like hair brushing, then being confused when he has to use technology to do things like "washing clothes" or "running the dish washer" or "turning on the radio." But altogether it's really wholesome because he wants to show his appreciation for his handler by doing for them what they do for him! Unfortunately, with how tall he is, a few holes do get poked into the cieling at your house.

Hucow Malleus who won't ever cross his handler's boundaries, but is very touch starved and needy, so he'll often make offers that involve physical touch and close proximity, then pout the rest of the day if you say no. Typically he just makes offers a little too soon. For example, after only a few weeks, offering to let his you stay in his personal quarters with him instead of the communal handler sleeping quarters. Lilia suggests he ask again after a few months. Malleus never stays sulking for long- how could he when his favorite handler is around? I imagine he has big regal looming eldrich entity energy but is very soft and gentle at the heart. He likes hearing about your life experiences, especially travel. Being a show cow means that Crowley tries to keep extremely close tabs on him when traveling for shows and Mal hardly gets to enjoy any of the local culture. He's pretty adamant on having you brought a long for business-related travel. That way, he's technically being supervised when he sneaks away with you to see the sights!

Hucow Lilia being so very fond of pranking his handler, whose care he barely needs. He'll playfully make care tasks difficult on purpose, but stops just before you can get frustrated or upset. If he accidentally crosses the line, sometimes he'll even finish the care task himself without help! Which shouldn't be physically possible in most cases, but he'll take his secrets to the grave.

Hucow Lilia who is a "retired" show bull (again, claiming he's "too old" for it) but can easily perform his old routines without breaking a sweat. If any of the young cows aspiring to be show bulls need, he's glad to train them! But his training is a little... unconventional and most young cows will pass on the offer. But it must be effective since he was- still is- Malleus's sole show mentor. I imagine Lilia mostly sticks around the farm because of his Diasomnia family and because he likes helping raise the calves. With supervision from Vil, who makes sure his parenting methods aren't too crazy and, more importantly, ensures he never cooks.

Imagine Silver being the easiest Hucow to handle for because hes just so chill and sleepy. If anything, the hardest part sometimes is waking him up long enough to get him to move to a different spot for Hucow care! He easily accepts his handler's assistance but also offers to help with tasks like carrying milk or fixing a fence. He is also very likely to fall asleep on their lap for hours and make their legs go numb. The best part about being his handler is definitely that he'll let you pet and stroke his pelt pretty much the second you become his handler. He's very duty-bound and, as such, trusts you implicitly to do yours.

Unlike Silver, Hucow Sebek is very unwilling to rely on his handler. Lilia has had to scold him many times on letting you do their job. Sebek tries to relent, but he will still complain, especially if it's a new care task or routine. To him it's a matter of pride and proving he doesn't have to depend on others. Especially since he's fond of you- he can't let himself look WEAK by relying on you, right? But if you twist your words just a bit- say that he's helping you by letting you do something or need him to remind you how it's done- he's suddenly eager to show you. He'll preen under your praise and, if you want to make him really happy, ask him to do little things for you, like reaching something on a tall shelf or asking for his advice on a personal matter... he'll absolutely glow with pride knowing you value him. Also, Hucow Sebek eventually gets to a point where he'll WEEP when you're gone the same way he does when Malleus is away for a show and he can't come with.

Now, after brainrotting a bit, I have two more requests and they are HORNY...

My first request is some size kink shit with Hucow Malleus and his handler. I'm LIVING for the idea of getting split in half by his literal prize cock with him cooing praise over his tiny little handler being able to take it. Big soft Dom vibes, even when he's being rough, just so much love in his giant dragon Hucow body.

My second request is Sebek getting blue balls and his handler insisting on "relieving" him because he's trying to power through it until it "dies down" or some dumb shit. But once he relents, he's DONE for. Nearly begging to breed his handler, pressing them up against a wall or some shit, kind of "dom but tsundere" vibes? 100% consensual and instigated by the handler tho.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!!!!

I'm happy my insanity is what turned you to the hybrid kink side n I love all of your ideas please do stick around

uhmmmm how does milk(🥛) anon sound?

cw: hybrids(hucows), breeding kink, begging, dacryphilia(jus overwhelmed tears I think its cute), not proofread so sorry if it's all nonsense characters: malleus, lilia, silver, sebek

malleus is far from violent and doesn't have a reputation as such, he doesn't even playfully nip or headbutt like kalim and ace sometimes do, but his strength and stature are probably what scared some of his handlers off in the past if they weren't frustrated by how much he loves to disappear the hour before shows that is.

I imagine you being some intern handling some other cow that malleus just gravitates towards for one reason or another. when track is lost of him he's found in your general area or waiting somewhere he'll know you'll be soon(yes he subconsciously memorized your schedule) but you didn't seem to mind. this is great from crowleys perspective though, it's an obvious and easy fix, by making you malleus' handler he doesn't have to worry about switching them out every month… or paying both fees for fairs that he never ended up attending.

♡

trying to find a way to say this that isn't crude but well when am I not; fucking the hucow you're in charge of handling isn't part of the job technically but isn't frowned at too much either, not on crowleys farm anyway tho i wouldn't put it past the old bird to have made separate agreements w handlers that do require them to tend to their bulls more intimate needs, with a -barelynoticeable- pay increase of course. other establishments do have regulations in place to prevent it, seeing it as unprofessional at worst. it works on "a you break it you buy it" type of policy so you wouldn't wanna be the guy who knocks up a prize heifer who's starting bid is 70k.

♡

lilia makes for a fun cow to handle if anything, uh granted you're not brand new to working on the farm that is, alot of his ways of teasing newbies is borderline hazing, outside of that he's like a fun grandpa. he is banned from the industrial kitchen tho the closest he's allowed to get to cooking is supervised potato peeling duty if jamil has anything to say about it. I also imagine lilia being cuddly once he gets comfortable enough with you! lots of hugs, cheek kisses and headpats(he likes giving and receiving them) happen between the two of you.

♡

silver takes his responsibilities very seriously and would do well w a handler who's equally task minded but not to the point theyll outright refuse his assistance, though a little downtime never hurt anybody… I mean you told crowley you'd probably have silver milked by noon so it's not like you promised or anything, plus he looks cute resting so peacefully.

♡

now if anyone needs a reminder to relax every once in a while it's sebek. but once you catch onto the fact that he's just a little bit, maybe kinda sorta trying to be a show off cus he has a itty-bitty tiny crush on you(even if lilia had to point it out for you) it makes the job so much easier. yells your name and trots up to you so excitedly during morning role call every. single. day. his body language is super easy to read even if he's trying his best to act aloof about how he feels, especially early on, the way his tail swishes around wildly when you pat his arms while giving him compliments always give him away.

hucow sebek is one prideful n stubborn animal, even in rut. you offered to help him the first few days of it and why wouldn't you? I mean it's not in your job description, probably but you don't mind helping the poor thing out. he refuses the first 2, 3 and then 4 times so you decide not to push him. something about how malleus wouldn't stoop down so low as to take a cheap shortcut offer(he would) such as the one you've presented him with, even tho he does really want to he didn't verbalize that last part ofc.

when he does finally fold he's desperate and sweaty and mumbling nonsense about how you were right and he's sorry and he doesn't deserve you and you are also both very much behind the practice showroom out in the open. you can feel tears and sweat drench the back of your shirt. sebeks large hands are gripping at your hips and tummy like his life depends on it. his thrusts are sloppy and inexperienced but they work to fuel the fire growing inside of you nonetheless.

he hasn't stopped talking the whole time either. he's loud like always but it's what he's saying that's surprising to you. begging you go let him cum in you over and over until neither of you have any strength left and promises to be the best father he could possibly be if you do end up taking his calf. it's just his rut talking, you think, it has to be. not that you'd mind

♡

by the time sebek gives you a break hours have already passed and he slips his dick out of you still some what hard. he insists on carrying you back to his quarters, with intentions of continuing there obviously.

whoever was practicing for next weeks show that afternoon sure did get an earful

i did get a few other asks about hucow malleus n his breeding kink if you're reading this and you sent one of them I didn't forget you ok kiss kiss, so ill keep this ask in mind when answering those <3

[linkspooky]

BSD VS LITERATURE: NO LONGER HUMAN

The second entry in my long running series to analyze every single book referenced in Bungou Stray Dogs, to try piece together the author’s intended meaning in referencing the work. 

Osamu Dazai’s ability name comes from the author’s final novel “No Longer Human”, you may have heard of it. The novel contains several events from the author’s real life, but is considered semi-autobiographical because it depicts the life of a fictional character “Yozo” who much like the real life author attempted suicide a total of five times in his life before utlimately succeeding. Many believe the book to be his will as Dazai killed himself shortly after the last part of the book was published. As for the connection to the fictional character, more under the cut. 

1. Disqualified from Being Human

Dazai as a character borrows several traits from Yozo the protagonist of the novel. He has the same habit of clowning and engaging others in a false persona, while it happens mostly offscreen the audience and Dazai’s coworkers are aware of the fact he regularly indulges himself in vices like drinking, having illicit relationships with women (its often referenced he has a long line of exes and women he’s left upset over him) and that he’s also constantly in debt. 

Deeper than those surface level traits though, Dazai shares the same motivation as Yozo for his antics. They are both people who feel utterly alienated from the people around them, unable to connect with their thoughts and feelings and because of that they resort to always engaging them in a false, and comedic facade. They are fundamentally uncomfortable with ever presenting their true selves around others. 

As a child I had absolutely no notion of what others, even members of my own family, might be suffering from or what they were thinking. I was aware of my own unspeakable fears and embarrassments. Before anyone realized it, I had become an accomplished clown, a child who never spoke a single word. No Longer Human. 

Dazai is described as a child in the same way by Oda, who is arguably the character who knows him best. Even with Oda though, and the rest of the Buraiha trio as a whole though they were friends it carries the tragedy that they never were truly honest with one another, Oda never overstepped the clear boundaries between him and Dazai, Ango never let either of them into the secret that he was a government spy all along. Even that friendship which Dazai found comfortable, and was so significant to him he changed his entire life’s past around Oda’s dying words, he still placed an uncilimbable wall between the two of them. 

“I thought you were similiar to Dazai at first, rushing into battle and wishing for death without even considering the value of your own life. But he’s different. He’s sharp witted, with a mind like a steel trap. And he’s just a child - a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we’re seeing.”

He was too smart for his own good. That was why he was always alone. The reason why Ango and I were unable to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside no matter how close we stood. 

But in that moment I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude. Bungo Stray Dogs, Volume 2. 

There’s a supposed difference in Yozo, who is a drunken layabout constantly in debt who fails out of college and Dazai the super genius who is apparently one of the smartest members of the cast, but honestly if you peel back the layers of Dazai’s “Superhuman / Godlike Genius” status his and Yozo’s behaviors and treatment of other people is actually pretty similar. 

Here is the secret of No Longer Human that a lot of readers miss in their interpretation. While Yozo can be a sympathetic character, because he’s genuinely miserable in his life, and the way he tells his story is highly relatable to the unhappiness of many readers, Yozo sucks. 

If you look at his actions outside of his self-pitying narration, Yozo is a serial manipulator of people, especially those with a status weaker than him in society (women, and even chidlren) he strings them along often taking money from them until he abandons them. Yozo is considered to be so pretty and likable, people often relate to his misery and give him what he wants without him giving anything in return.

There’s four major women he interacts with in the novel. A married women he gets to pay for his drinks a couple of times, doesn’t see for months, and then commits suicide with her. His reaction to her death is very minimal and he doesn’t even seem to mourn her. Then, he becomes a kept man for a woman with a child for awhile gets her to pay for his drinking habit, has multiple affairs on her while living at their house (or at least it’s implied).He also comes to view the child as an enemy of his. 

“I would like my real Daddy back.”  I felt dizzy with shock. An enemy. Was I Shigeko’s enemy, or was she mine?

No Longer Human.

He abandons them. (Surprise, surprise). Then moves on to marry a seventeen year old girl, specifically because she is a virgin. I probably don’t have to mention the predatory subtext there. 

Yoshiko’s pale face was smiling as she sat there inside the dimly lit shop. What a holy thing uncorrupted virginity is, I thought. I had never slept with a virgin, a girl younger than myself. I’d marry her. [...] I made up my mind on the spot: it was a then-and-there decision, and I did not hesitate to steal the flower. No Longer Human. 

That wife then gets raped and not only does Yozo feel little to no sympathy for her whatsoever, he then proceeds to just leave and abandon her because his image of her as a perfect image is ruined. He even refers to her as a possession he lost far earlier on in the novel. 

Once in a while, it is true I have experienced a vague sense of regret at losing something, but never strongly enough to affirm positively, or to contest with others my rights of possession. This was so true of me that some years later, I even watched in silence when my own wife was violated. No Longer Human.

The last woman he gets involved with only because he has a morphine addiction and he wants to string her along so she can keep supplying him with morphine. If you strip away the thin veneer of Dazai as a master manipulator and superhuman genius, you are just left with his actions which include his constant manipulation of other people (children younger and more vulnerable than him) and even his own allies. He is a user, much in the same way Yozo is. This is just named characters, it’s implied offscreen that Dazai has Yozo’s same habit of burning through relationships and women like jet fuel. 

Of course, there is a tragic reason for Yozo’s behavior it is implied he was violated by a female servant as a child, but that further adds onto the underlying point of the novel that Yozo’s genuinely miserable but he’s also the architect of his own misery. He is a victim who basically continues the cycle of abuse. His two primary methods of interacting with people is either manipulating them / stringing them along, or abandoning them. Even the Dazai who works at the agency keeps Akutagawa his biggest victim wearing the coat that Mori Gave him that represents the cycle of abuse just... wrapped around his little finger because it’s more convenient to use and dispose of him that way. 

Akutagawa’s so insanely devoted to Dazai that he believes being abandoned was just a secret little test and if he performs well than he’ll finally get the carrot that Dazai has been dangling in front of his head for a long time. Dazai’s treatment of Akutagawa as someone to just conveniently use and then dispose of is something that leads to Akutagawa getting himself killed trying to earn that praise. 

Dazai and Yozo have a similiar problem where they are pitiable in the fact they are victims themselves, they have been used in the past and it’s left them feeling alienated and unable to connect with others, but then they jump right into treating others as less than human too. Dazai has this strange paradox where he scolds Dostoevsky for believing in god and seeing himself as an agent of god or some kind of omniscient manipulator and that the real people who make a difference in the world are the people living in the world and struggling in it but Dazai... still doesn’t see himself as one of those people. Dazai’s like “You shouldn’t manipulate people like pieces on a gameboard...” but Dazai still views himself as one of the players sitting and watching things from on high rather than one of the pieces. 

Dazai and Yozo are incapable of seeing themselves as human beings and eternally feel like outsiders when they try to be around others. However, at the same time they give no respect to the humanity or the feelings of other people. They don’t treat others like humans. Which is why they are essentially the architects of their own misery, they are alone because they choose continually over and over to either only engage in other people with lives, or treat relationships as transactional. These flaws of Dazai’s have been toned down since the dark age, but even Detective Agency Dazai still has this habit of looking down on other people. He has good intentions he tries to live by, but also in crisis situations tends to fall back on old habits. 

2. Lover’s Suicide

Finally, there’s two relationships in the book that parallels Dazai’s two most significant relationships in the story. The tragedy of Oda in the dark era, actually mirrors what was Yozo’s most significant suicide attempt in the book. Yozo runs out of money and on a whim attempts to commit suicide with a married woman who had been more or less a longtime but distant acquiantance. 

We threw ourselves into the sea at Kamakura that night. She untied her sash saying she had borrowed it from a friend at the cafe, and left it folded neatly on a rock. I removed my coat and put it in the same spot. We entered the water together. 

She died. I was saved. No Longer Human. 

This event mirrors the defining tragedy of Dazai’s backstory as depicted in the second light novel, and his reason for leaving the mafia. Essentially, Dazai finally becomes close to someone his longtime acquaintance Oda, who unlike him has a reason to live in raising children and dreaming of one day becoming an author. However, by the end of the novel it’s Oda who commits suicide and Dazai who lives. 

“You’re such an idiot, Odasaku. The biggest idiot I know.”  “Yeah.” “You didn’t have to do this. You didn’t have to die.” “I know.” 

Bungo Stray Dogs, Vol. 2

If you want to sprinkle in an additional homosexual subtext what Oda basically does is commit a lover’s suicide with someone else, by choosing to die with Gide. Which means that not only does Dazai survive while Oda dies, but Oda chose to commit a lover’s suicide with someone other than him. 

Then there is Yozo’s acquiantance to longtime friend Horiki. HOriki is his only real significant friend in the novel, but Yozo absolutely despises him. Nothing healthy ever comes from their relationship, he gets Yozo addicted on cigarettes and alcohol, he drags him to secret communist meetings, however Yozo who frequently just abandons people never really gets rid of him. 

Horiki and myself. Despising each other as we did, we were constantly together, thereby degrading ourselves. If that is what the world calls friendship, the relationships between Horiki and myself were undoutably those of friendship. No Longer Human. 

The reason being that Yozo despite loathing Horiki senses that the two of them are alike in nature. There’s also something to be said about Yozo getting along more naturally with someone he hates, rather than the people in his life who constantly attempt to love him. 

Horiki and myself. Though outwardly he appeared to be a human being like the rest, I sometimes felt he was exactly like myself. No Longer Human. 

His relationship with Horiki reflects both the partnership of the double black duo, two individuals who loathe each other but had near perfect cooperation in their teamwork but also the foiling between Chuuya and Dazai. They are both people who do not view themselves as human, Chuuya because of the mystery of his origins as the host of Arahabaki and Dazai because his intelligence leaves him feelings isolated from the world. 

He looked up in the direction of the sudden voice. It was a familiar voice, one that belonged to the person he hated most in this world. 

Your birth itself was a mistake. We’re the same. Is there a really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn’t real?” 

The voice was taunting him. 

[...]

“Screw you Dazi.”

Chuuya wanted nothing more than to slice off the ear the voice was whispering right into. He could see Dazai’s wavering shadow by his side, and he wanted to gauge out his eyes. 

“That’s just proof that you at least somewhat believe what I’m saying. Because deep down inside you’re the same as me.”

Like, they hate each other, but they hate each other for the real person they are deep down on the inside. Which results in him and Chuuya having an entirely antagonistic relationship and yet at the same time Chuuya is the one person that Dazai can’t really bullshit or lie to, because sharing so much in common gives Chuuya some insight into Dazai’s darker tendencies. 

Which results in a relationship where neither of them like each other, and yet both of them are just a little bit obsessed with each other. Despising each other and constantly together. 

So in summary, No Longer Human is a work about a character’s difficulty to form relationships with others because not only do they not see themselves as human they also treat the others around them as lesser than humans. Yozo is a character clearly stuck in that cycle of abuse, whereas Dazai Osamu himself is someone struggling in the story to break that cycle and curb his own manipulative tendencies inside of himself, ironically because of the close relatonship he had formed with the one person he was ever even a little bit honest with Odasaku. 

[p0k3m0n-catch3r]

Obey Me Brothers with an GN!MC interested in their past

like a detective way where they try and figure out literally everything

(and yes this is me, i have too many questions about the brothers)

Lucifer

Hes fine with it, mostly. He does understand there is a lot of mysteries to his family, but for the love of diavolo stop asking the most detailed questions at the dinner table.

ESPECIALLY if its about Lilith. The most you’ll get is a look from everyone and Beel choking on his food

Besides questions that goes past boundaries, hes happy to answer any questions. Most he already has the answer to

Some he doesn’t, like a question about his power. Demons don’t have a way to exactly track their magic, so if you want to figure out how two of his wings somehow are more powerful than Asmo, Beel, and Belphie, don’t ask him.

Other than those things, hes fine with you questioning everything. Doesnt harm him at all so do whatever you want (as long as it doesn’t affect his brothers tho)

Mammon

Weirdo is what he thinks. Who cares about his past?? that was over 200 years ago! Stop questioning everything in that corner and give him ways to get money!

Ohhh so you want to know more about Lilith?? Ask the twins cause he’ll either look at you weird or just straight up tell ya no. If its a reasonable question, then still ask Beel or Belphie.

A question about his brothers will probably end up with an answer if youre lucky. He doesn’t care about those questions and havent really thought about them until you mentioned it! Its not like he’s going to after though, so don’t ask him to get an answer.

Overall, he thinks youre a bit boring and better with Satan but still loves you. No way is he just going to give ya off to Satan!

Leviathan

Out of everyone, him?? theres not much question about him besides why hes such a loser

yeah joking theres a lot. If you ask him how he’s able to still mantain a strong body while either not eating and drinking for months or eating chips and soda, you’ll get no answer. He just shrugs and assumes that its just how demons and angels work

And also, stop zoning out in the middle of shows!! He loves you but he wanted to rewatch ‘Ruri-Chan Saves the Planet with Her Magical Skills’ So he can rant to you about it!! He’ll shake you awake if he has to!

But as a friend (or more) he still loves being with you. Just don’t ask any questions related to Lilith

Satan

Yeah im gonna be honest this is the only dude you can talk to, but still end up with no answer. He has theories, sure, but not much evidence can back it up

If you ask a question prepare to get a long answer, at least an hour of him ranting about how he can’t find anything other than theories written 700+ years ago

Do not ask him how he was formed. Even if Lucifer has nothing its still a bad idea. That will be a mystery forever

As for the power question, considering hes more powerful than a few brothers and was onlt formed from two wings, he is trying to figure that out. He doesn’t like thinking about Lucifer though, so most of the time he turns to questions about Lilith.

If you want info about her, just go to Satan or the twins. He has most of what they know, since they told some info and what they know abt her to him

But overall, if all youre doing is figuring out mysteries, Detective Satan will be your best friend!

Yeah im finishing this later, enjoy this part though

[systemuserboxes]

can we ask for inbox checks??? it feels like my asks never go through on this stupid app :((

sure! currently in our inbox we have :

this system uses parts language and doesn’t care what you think about it

this system mostly has familial inner relationships

this headmate has a twin in-sys

this system is not “traumagenic” they have a fucking disorder

this osdd system hates being called plural

this system is still living with their abuser

This fictive is disgusted by their philia, please don't remind them of that part of their source

this host loves Leshy

this host's system won't let them make it COTL themed

This system uses parts language

This user accidentally relates to traumatized OCs

This Ashley Graves alter does not agree with her source

This alter looks and acts different than before due to fusing and resplitting

this sys needs extra love/comfort during winter nights and summer days

this system is collectively genderfluid

this collective has avPD and social anxiety

this collective has AuDHD

this system is madness combat introject heavy

This system hates oversharing online

This system hates oversharing online

this ever after high fictive is upset its source no longer exists

This user has Cohn’s disease please be patient

This user is disabled

this system loves their best friends

this collective has NPD traits

this part holds NPD traits

this sfw agere blog is run by a system

This system collectively would kick an endo in the balls /hj

this alter has multiple pronouns please use all of them

this alter has multiple pronouns please rotate between them

this alter has multiple pronouns please ask which ones to use when talking to them

this alter fucking hates november sixteenth

this user is a Dalek fictive

this system has a shit ton of tommyinnit introjects

This alter has a complicated relationship with source separation

This fictive has pre-system trauma that isn’t canon and it doesn’t hurt any less

This system has a hard boundary against calling their pre-system memories pseudomemories, pseudotrauma, and false memories

This alter doesn’t give a fuck what you think about in-system relationships

This fictive doesn’t give a fuck about what you think of their pre-system actions

This alter is extremely protective over his wife

This alter is a recovering asshole

this system has age regressors

this alter is an age regressor

this system has pet regressors

this alter is a pet regressor

this system has age regressors and pet regressors

this alter is an age regressor and a pet regressor

this system has autism and bpd, please be patient with them

this system has adhd and gets distracted easily

this system frequently has tics

this alter fears the body's dad

this system fears the body's dad

this introject has severe leg pain

this introject is a pain holder

this alter is aggressive

this system is male

only this systems host is trans

this male system has a female alter

this system has one alter that no one likes

This fictive looks and acts different from their source

this user is a pokemon fictive

this system has a constant tummyache please be patient

this system feels unsafe in hospitals

This system is very little heavy

Some of our littles are very sensitive, please be patient with them

This little is a my melody fictive who loves their source !! Please ask about source as much as you'd like

this wilson fictive is afraid of the dark, closed spaces, and big dogs

this wilson fictive loves willow like a sister

this alter is a caretaker

this alter is a gatekeeper

this alter is a symptom holder

this alter is a mood booster

this alter’s role changes depending on what the system needs

This fictive is trying to separate from source but is having a hard time, please be patient with them

This alter is hypersexual/hyperromantic, please don't flirt with them

this system's special interest is psychology

this system's special interest is DID/OSDD

this system's special interest is DID/OSDD

this alter hates endo “systems”

this fictive is hyperfixated on their source

this system wants more friends, but is scared to reach out first

this alter ask you to not compare them to their source

this alter is so small, size of two sauces

this blog is run by a mask fictive

this headmate is a Percy Jackson fictive

this system is dsmp fictive heavy (and they dont support it)

This system doesnt have a host or co-host but bosses

This alter is a fictive from a book

This alter is a fictive and a fictionkin

This alter is a fictive of a oc

This alter is easily upset

This system needs comfort all times of Christmas

This alter was bad in source, but is trying to be better

This alter regresses

This alter is from a problematic source, but isn't problematic

this alter desperately needs a hug

this alter struggles with relationships

Parents, "parents", and similar figures scare the fcking sh!t out of this system

this system is no longer forced to fake their body age!

this system is still questioning

This system splits easily and ends up with a lot of introjects for their current hyperfixation/special interests that end up fronting very often.

This system splits easily and ends up with a lot of introjects for their current hyperfixation/special interests which is currently the Percy Jackson Series) that end up fronting very often.

this alter looks like a little but isn’t one

this little is mentally a adult

This alter is going to fight the host so they take care of themself

Hey, mama! Yeah, we're like, uh, yass and work and slay and yass over here, like... yass... (joke userbox)

this system is ok with front checks/front asks

This alter is a fictive/introject of Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil

this system is anti radqueer

this alter holds anger and has low temper

this mafuyu asahina fictive is semi-intact with their source

this emu otori fictive is semi-intact with their source

this fictive is a trauma regressor

this alter is an oswald cobblepot fictive

this system is a dog

this system is a rottweiler

This alter has memory problems, please be patient

This alter zones out/disassociates a lot, please be patient

This alter struggles with finding words to talk

This CoD alter doesn’t like being compared to their source

this system loves you /p

this system loves their wife and husband, and will fight you if you say otherwise

this alter misses their abuser and this alter still loves their abuser

this system has maladaptive daydreaming disorder

This little is from a media that isn't kid-friendly

this alter has a child in their parnters systems

this alter id's as mspec gay

this alter id's as msepc lesbian

this alter is a panromantic lesbian

this alter is a fictive of a character that doesn't have a canon personality

this alter has a distinct accent

this system is Australian

this system is Russian

This System Has Way Too Many Fictives From Regretevator

this fictive is similar/not fully separated with source but doesn’t want to be compared to it

this system loves animals

((this took so longgg))

[twig-tea]

Thoughts on The Trainee ep10

I wrote a separate post focusing on the Ba Mhee & Tae relationship here, but wanted to talk a bit about everything else going on in this episode that I loved as well.

One of the things I love the most about this show is how it holds nuance, and another is how all of the interns get an arc. And in this episode we got to see Pah, who mostly has been shown as a screw-up this episode for being too friendly and chatty and not focused enough on work, and who has been getting the interns in trouble with his plots, finally was able to use his friendliness and plot for good! The things that are Pah's weaknesses are also his strengths and make him a great colleague. And he's already learned from last episode to take things more seriously, so I'm glad he got to show off this week.

Speaking of the other interns and their arcs, I loved how we got to see Pai casually chatting with her coworkers this episode. She's learned the importance of fostering friendships at work and being collegial not just competent, and I really loved seeing that payoff with others and not just the core intern group!

Turning to the protagonist of the intern group, I loved Ryan's conversation with Jane about his dreams and how they aren't grandiose, and he's embarrassed by them. I related to this a lot; I've never really wanted to accomplish anything in particular myself, or been very ambitious, but I love helping the people around me accomplish their goals. It's what I'm good at and it gives me so much fulfilment to see other people succeed. This is what made me a good editor, and it's what makes me a good project manager and people manager now. We have seen from episode one that Ryan is a great helper and excellent at noticing what needs doing and making sure it's done, once he has the experience. And I love that he hadn't recognized that skill in himself or noticed that it was fulfilling for him. He had noticed how much he enjoyed preparing customer files, likely because the feedback was immediate and positive, but he clearly gets satisfaction from quietly making sure everything is in place for his family's print shop to run smoothly too. It was difficult for him as an intern in a new space with no understanding of how anything works. But in just a couple of months he's learned to anticipate some of the needs on his own, and he's starting to recognize his own passion. I love this arc for him. We've also seen his interpersonal skills, and how he's often terrible and freezes when directly confronted, but he is also great at noticing when people are down and asking questions that are tactful and work-focused rather than personal, to give the other person a chance to interact that isn't too fraught. We've seen him check in on Pie, Tae, and Pah this way. I keep thinking about how Jane's refrain to him is "if you want to know, ask", and how I can't wait to see Ryan get to that point.

Speaking of Jane, he continues to be walking a careful line and the way he is smiling more because of this crush is really lovely to see. Jane started the show so frustrated with his colleagues and wary of Ryan's disinterest, but he was quick to see Ryan's potential and encourage him, and we soon saw him defend and uplift Pai in a way that made it clear he was a great mentor and not what his colleagues said about him. It's interesting to see him start to cross the same boundaries that Judy crossed with Ba Mhee, but in a very different order and in very different circumstances. I do really love that the show is able to illustrate how the same behaviour can be appropriate or inappropriate, dependent on context. And I love that Jane is waiting for this internship to play out before they do anything more than hug and flirt a little.

Judy is still my only current frustration because I don't really understand her motivations--why tell Ba Mhee she knew she was uninterested if she was then going to pursue her? Why is she suddenly not good at things we know she is good at because of her job (e.g. noticing what Ba Mhee likes and doesn't like and doing things to annoy rather than help her). I am still hopeful we will get this missing piece in coming episodes.

Speaking of; just to put it into the universe, here is my wish list for the last two episodes:

Ryan asks Jane a question directly [preferably he asks him out, but I'll take him asking about his feelings or what's next for them or something on those lines]

Judy insight [preferably via a Judy/Jane conversation but I will take any insight I can get]

Jane getting some appreciation from his coworkers or leaving to start his own production house

Ba Mhee fully owning some of her stuff from her first relationship with Tae, if not stated outright then at least demonstrated via differences in her behavior, including her having other interests during their second attempt

I don't need much time spent on this one but seeing Pah take work stuff seriously in a similar way to how we saw Pie casually being friendly in this ep (just to underscore that he's really taken the lesson on board) would be great

I would also love a final glimpse of Ryan's sister doing well (especially if we do get a time skip)

Just for thirsting purposes, I would also love a little more time with the cute art department guy!

[I am talking about back left with the arm tattoo, the one who told off the guy who was being gross with Pai and Ba Mhee, and who carried Tae on his back, hello my beloved]

[multifanrae]

Reasons why Tim and Sasha’s friendship is so fucking important to me. (An appreciative essay to the Magnus Archives and also a mostly related rant on how media usually portrays relationships)

#1 and also the most important, their friendship is just so GOOD. Like yeah what we see is mostly just joking around and a bit of poking fun, but it’s so completely free of malice which is actually really hard to achieve. Because that’s what my friends and family do to each other but it always seems like there’s some deeper undertones that end up at least slightly hurting someone, but from the intonation and the small insight we get into their relationship, that harmful part seems to be absent and like it really is just fun to pass the time and make conversation. And in order for that to work, the relationship has to be really deep and vulnerable to negate that kind of preying on insecurity which just shows how close they really are

#2 having a man and woman just be really close friends for some reason just means a lot to me personally. I know they allude to past relations, but the core of it is they both recognize and respect that they’re really just good friends, and even though they explored a sexual/possibly romantic avenue, they both concluded it was really just platonic, and it’s agreed upon and respected enough to the point where it can be joked about without discomfort. I just love that they get to be so close and important to one another without the romantic element because I’m so tired of seeing m/f relationships only being romantic and/or sexual especially from an unrequited standpoint. (Specifically when the man, despite many objections and boundaries, continue to see her as a sexual object or conquest)

#3 just having good platonic representation. Don’t get me wrong I’m a slut for romantic subplots. (Mostly when they’re gay because I’m a lesbian deprived of representation but still) I think platonic relationships are incredibly important to represent because they’re so often shown as less significant than a romantic one and that’s not true and not fair. Platonic relationships are incredibly important and incredibly meaningful. In some cases I’d even say more than romantic ones, because there isn’t the expectation of sex (assuming it’s an allo relationship). And friendships tend to last longer than romantic affiliations anyway, so it’s stupid to assume that just because you aren’t romantically or sexually involved that the relationship is inferior

#4 I just fucking love their dynamic. I really think they actually just bring out the best in each other. They’re both smart in similar but different enough ways and they seem to just fuel the best aspects of each of their personalities, even if the teasing may seem crude at first glance

#5 I’ve just been watching the RQGG20 stretch goals with Mike and Alastair and the “hello, my name’s Timothy Stoker, you killed my brother and my best friend, prepare to die” fucking TOOK ME OUT. I know it’s a Princess Bride reference, but the delivery and the fact that the stranger took the two most important people of Tim’s life was a realization that felt like a fucking knife to the chest. (Yes I did only realize that just now). They were seriously such best friends and the fact that Tim was living and interacting with someone he didn’t know wasn’t Sasha is just hurting me all over again. Because the pain I’d feel if my best friend was switched out with a monster and I didn’t notice (even tho that’s literally the point) like the guilt and pain that cause

[dontneedhair]

On Identity And (Not) Being Seen

(Me kind of hidden, although more to be protected against sunburn in this case, and revealing all of my full cueball look.)

Sexuality seems to be tied to who we are, at least to a degree. One way this can find its expression would be when, let's say, a man introduces himself in front of a group, and often right after his name, he will add that he is married and has children. Describing himself as a family man can get him bonus points with a lot of people; it can help him to come across as less threatening and is surely seen as an asset in more conservative circles.

When, on the other hand, someone’s sexuality doesn’t correspond to what is seen as the norm, people often feel the need to name precisely that. And I’m not even primarily thinking of those who are "not corresponding", but of others describing them. I’ve often heard one person mentioning someone famous in a neutral or positive way, and another person immediately interjecting „But he/she is gay!“, which literally was meant as some sort of  „counterargument“. This occurs a lot less these days.

The same thing also easily happens when those talking about a gay person (to stay with the example) don’t have an issue with their sexuality, but still feel it’s an important characteristic that helps making sense of who that person really is. Maybe that is due to how our sexuality has an influence on the way we relate to others on a basic level.

Finally, people who tend to see themselves as „normal“ seem to feel compelled to state exactly that (one way or another) when others wrongly assume they are part of a sexual minority that was/is considered as „less normal“. And for someone from such a minority, being able to simply mention this aspect of their lives can feel like a huge relief.

Lately, I have thought A LOT about what this means for me as a shy, introvert gay man who’s sexuality is very much linked to different „non-standard practices“ (fetishes), of which hairlessness is one major example. And as I have written on here, I don’t believe I feel drawn to being degraded or humiliated because of my lack of hair. I rather love both the process and result of removing hair, be it on me or on other men.

By being hairless, I express a part of myself that feels both very authentic and vulnerable. Others will generally not know that a big part of my motivation to do this is sexual by nature, and since I’m a guy, many people will also feel free to comment on my appearance in my presence. Mostly not in a mean way, more like feeling the need to tell me I would look better with hair or, on the contrary, that the look really suits me.

Unbeknown to them, they are talking about something which for me is very intimate in nature, and that again is why they can easily step over some boundaries without even realising it. That can make me feel quite exposed, and in case of the more negative comments, insecure. I sometimes use the word „naked“ to describe that state, and some readers who comment on here or chat with me have also used that word in that context.

At the same time, I do actually long for this part of me to be seen by the people I’m close to, with whom I feel comfortable and who don’t have a problem with the concept of „different“. But these are the few people with whom it feels safe to discuss almost anything in connection with sexuality. That in turn rules out most of my family, acquaintances or people I work with. To be completely honest about my motivation to be bald/browless by choice really is that intimate to me. While I try hard not to lie about my motivations, what I will say when asked about it will most likely only amount to some form of „I like it that way“.

So to summarise, I express something very deep about myself by looking the way I do; I don’t want to hide that side of me, but I also don’t want to let everyone into that intimate space by telling me what they really think about it or asking me to justify myself. To complicate things even further, the possibility of being confronted can actually be a thrill, especially after having made some change in my appearance, when I’m not yet sure whether or not people will notice and if I’m going to get away with it. However, it is the possibility that’s the thrill. Being confronted or getting snark comments would actually be a major turn-off.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for considering not joining my family for Christmas, even though my BIL already used his frequent flyer miles to get me a ticket?

Buckle up passengers, this is a long haul flight.

My (35F) younger sister (33F) and brother-in-law (43M) live on the other side of the country. They just had their first kid, and want me to join them, my mother (60sF), and younger brother (31M) for Christmas. They know that I don't make a lot of money, so my BIL used the frequent flyer miles he got from work related travel to get me a plane ticket. I was looking forward to going and meeting my niece (0F), but am considering cancelling because of family issues (mostly unrelated to my sister and BIL) that came up after they got me a ticket.

We have an older brother, who I will call Z (37M), who may end up being there at Christmas. Z has struggled with schizophrenia since he was first diagnosed several years ago. He has been hospitalized at least five times for his condition, and three of those times were involuntary. The most recent time was about two weeks ago in the state my sister lives in. He was there because he was going to be starting a new job, but he hasn't been taking his medication for a while and encountered a stressful situation that set off a psychotic episode.

When Z has an episode like this, I am usually pulled into the situation because 1) he can remember my phone number but not anyone else's, and 2) he trusts me even when he's having paranoid delusions. The two times he voluntarily checked into the hospital were because I drove hundreds of miles to check on him/the situation, and took him to the hospital because no one else could, or would even try to, convince him to go.

I REALLY do not want to be as involved in Z's care as I am, but don't have much choice. Other family members either fail to seek medical assistance in a timely or effective way (mom, dad, sister), have a strained relationship with Z that keeps him from trusting them during an episode (dad, baby brother), or lived on the other side of the country and could just stay out of it in the past (sister, BIL, recently baby brother).

My family also frequently ignores my advice regarding managing Z's condition and ignore the boundaries I try to put in place to protect myself. Getting into all the stories would take way too long, so I'll give the highlights. During Z's first episode, instead of getting him to seek treatment, my dad (60sM) brought Z to stay at dad's house where I was living while returning to college. This house had MANY firearms in it. I was lucky enough to have a friend near enough by that I could stay with them and still get to my final exams. During other episodes I've told family that I didn't want to be left alone with Z, only to be left alone with him for several hours where I couldn't abandon him because he was too unstable. I've told family that I didn't want to be the one to take him to the hospital, only for me to arrive at his location and IMMEDIATELY have to convince him to go with me to the hospital. By myself.

So, Z was just released from the hospital yesterday, and is currently at sister and BIL's house, which I'm told is an eye opening and alarming experience for them. Z is supposed to start his new job in a week or so, and this job provides housing. Given his current state, several of my family members doubt he will be stable enough to hold down this job by then. If Z loses the job, he will almost definitely end up back at my sister's house.

I've told my sister that if Z is going to be there, I will not come for Christmas. I already had to be his primary contact person throughout the latest hospitalization, and I know that the only way to keep my boundaries from being crossed is to not be there for my family to cross them. My BIL is apparently upset that I'm not willing to "tough it out" and that I'm wasting the ticket he got me (even though he told me when we made reservations that the ticket could be exchanged for other dates). My sister is sad that she won't see me or get to introduce me to her daughter yet, and that I would miss the baby's first Christmas. My mom has tried to guilt me using my sister's feelings, while my dad and younger brother say I'm making the right call.

TL;DR - My mentally ill older brother is coming out of a psychotic episode, and may be staying with my sister and BIL at Christmas. I may refuse to go visit for the holiday, even though BIL already bought me an (exchangeable) plane ticket, because my family doesn't respect my boundaries regarding my older brother and I fear being put in situations that range from extremely distressing to downright dangerous. AITA?

What are these acronyms?