#mostly a reminder for myself lmao
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Reminder for my fellow OCD-havers: That invisible, unspoken rule you're following that's currently keeping you stuck isn't real. You can do that thing you want/need to do, even if you haven't met the hidden requirements yet, and nothing bad will happen.
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reminder to students with adhd whose executive dysfunction makes it hard (if not impossible) to do assignments and homework. youre not lazy, or a slacker, or not a hard worker, and youre not worthless!!!!!!!!!
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i miss him so much :(((
(tw for implied grooming/csa in the tags)
#i should probably start calling myself trisgro0med now lolll#i just didn't expect it to end like that T^T#and like he's right there. i could text him.#we used yo text all the time it feels so weird not having talked to him for a while :(#and likee I've found some random guy to lovebomb me but fuck it's really not the same#like i miss him specifically#it just felt so different with him#like usually socialising with people kinda drains me especially recently with my poorer mental health#so after fun socialising i eithwr felt the same as usual or i often had a mood drop#but calling him always made my overall mood better for the next two days or so?#it was fucking incredible. i never felt this way about anyone. he was my world#(i really made the transition from hypersexual to hyperromantic lmao)#and like objectively i know what he did was wrong. even if what was with me wasn't bad the shit with his niece def was#but i don't want him to face any consequences. i definitely don't want him to change for the better (rationally i do but emotionally not yk#also while yeag it probably wasn't healthy for me#now without him tying me down I've dived headfirst back into bad habits#and that stuff makes me feel worse than our relationship did#minus for the few really bad lows i guess#i just want him back AAAAAAAA#and god he like apologised and shit#i don't want his apologies. i want him.#anyhow yah I'm in a new era XD#transgroomed but with him specifically lmao#nice reminder that being transgroomed is mostly a bad thing for me qwq#silly's ventposting
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I am in. Pain
#/j/j#I’m both struggling and having a blast. Dynamic posing is not my strong suit baha#I’m mostly just excited to render it once it’s done#I WAS drawing the apocalypse boys but glass animals came on and my thoughts were overtaken#wip#i'm procrastinating lmao#Ignore the very obvious noting that those are knee pads that was a reminder to draw them for myself BAHA
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The thing is that I do sometimes want to complain about being single but I cannot do so w my friends bc one of them asked me out a while ago and I said no so now it's super awkward if I do that. And I don't like doing it here much either but I do want to complain. I just miss having someone it felt like I clicked with yk. I do not miss my ex for many reasons but I do miss the way it felt. Aughh
#wastepaper basket#Ngl the fact that I'm the only one that was involved in the Fuckery that happened that's still single hurts like a bitch lmao#I have to remind myself it's not my fault. But it still sucks!#Anyway I've been reading romance fic and it's getting to me. Ugh. I try so hard to meet people but I'm not good at pursuing this kinda thing#And dating apps sound like a fucking nightmare especially in a small community like mine#Obligatory disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with not being a relationship n like mostly I'm really okay w things as they are I'm just.#Sometimes a bitch wants someone to hold okay. Sometimes a bitch wants someone who gets it. And not in a friend way
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sometimes i write something and think "is this too much like is it too fucked up" but then i remember that 1. there is no such thing and 2. i do not need to write for the delicatest bad faith reader it is on them to read tags and notes and c. i do not need a fascist in my head there are too many (>0) out there already and 4. i actually do not have to analyze why i write the stuff i do i am allowed to be creative without examining my brain about it
#also i had ed get angry dragon'd in one of my first fics so. actually my most recently published fics are tamer?? or is it just me#not my wips though it's time to get properly nasty again#this post is mostly about how i keep getting fic ideas for age difference premises and i do not wanna examine that lmao#but also about second-guessing if certain aspects of sex scenes will make people back out so i have to remind myself that#i can write what i want and don't have to cater to everyone#anyway i miss writing i wanna go home and get back to it#need to get the writer cache in my brain drained there are like 3-4 second halves to wips in there#🐭���
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The thing I think we have to remember about PJO is that it is largely a plot driven series. Much like with the HP books, there is a greater end to reach and so character introspection and growth isn't all that important so long as the plot is fulfilled.
It's why Jason's backstory is never really elaborated on, and he seemingly never recovers his memories. It's why Leo's arc is getting a girlfriend to solve his problems, not recognizing that love comes in many forms and his friends are worth more to him than some girl. It's why Percy's personality seems to change from what he had been like in the previous series, because the plot requires him to behave a certain way.
It's probably why I can't remember much of Piper's effects on the series outside of random pivotal moments. It's why Frank's stick of life dilemma basically vanishes after SoN. Why Annabeth and Hazel don't appear to change. Why people's opinion of Nico shifts between SoN, when some people (Frank) were fond of him, and HoH, when he was suddenly creepy and scary.
This isn't really a negative thing. Plot driven stories are fun and exciting, and because of the lesser character introspection there's a lot of avenue to play around with them in fandom. It's also helpful to Rick because I don't think he's always stellar when it comes to emotional nuance. Focusing on plot allows him to get around the effects of the story on the characters. Honestly this might be why the new book struggled to some people - because the story was supposed to be built around introspection and emotional nuance and he couldn't figure out how to apply that to the plot he had in mind.
When a story is about the characters, often you'll see the plot matches the character's dilemmas, either metaphorically or as an arc to drive the character's change throughout the story.
But yeah, ultimately I think the books are largely plot driven and that's why things don't always make sense between stories. If you look at TLT Percy and TLO Percy there's not a huge difference between them, other than physical changes and a general sense of maturity that comes with aging up. There's no real change that I can recall with others either, other than a sense of comfort with their roles/powers as demigods.
And that's all fine and dandy. You know, not everything has to be about introspection and character growth. But, I do think we need to start keeping that in mind more often when we analyze the books. Asking ourselves "why did this change, why did characters become different, how come this was never elaborated on" becomes less frustrating if we remember that for this series the plot drives the characters. And if isn't important to the plot, it wasn't important to elaborate on or include.
#happy talks pjo#this is mostly a reminder to myself lmao#but it was inspired by someone adding onto one of my posts today about the changes between pjo percy and hoo percy
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With august it was “he’s a complicated and flawed character but that doesn’t make him BAD” and it was also like that with day at certain points, well now I raise you: last twilight is a complicated and flawed show but that doesn’t make it BAD!!!
#to those who feel any criticism of it is unacceptable but those ppl are mostly on twitter I think#and not TO me bc I already feel this way and don’t have to remind myself#but to anyone who sees my long winded complaints and Breakup Scene Day conspiracies lmao I don’t think a bad#and I will say disastrous ep 11 takes away the magic from the earlier eps! I am likely to rewatch it up until about ep 9 or so!#I will simply pretend the rest never happened lmao. ep 11 was bad I maintain that but the majority of the show was everything to me!!!!!#of course we don’t know how it ends but in my opinion the breakup was executed so poorly that no ending could compensate#not to say no possible ending could be good tho I’m not holding out hope I just think it was done badly and that’s that#and that’s ok. the rest of the show isn’t ruined by it#last twilight
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I have to go back to work tomorrow :'(
#my diary#literally awful nightmare scenario 0/10#but I only have 3 more weeks#:') then it's back to NEETdom living w/ my parents#and it's not like I'm ungrateful but the 'it could be worse' talk is actually really unhelpful so maybe pocket that thought for now#believe me I am fully aware that I could be homeless lmao I do not need a reminder!!!!#my disabled senior citizen parents should not have to sustain and care for me and the whole situation sucks#maybe let me feel bad about it the way I'm supposed to!!#(I'm mostly yelling at myself)
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me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)
im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal
#snap chats#I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA#rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous#i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything 🥴#i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...'#when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing 😭😭#that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish#but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out#my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts#and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me#i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO#like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO#UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left#i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier#my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig#ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes#like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot#i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason.#idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao#and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake#also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more#uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ☠️☠️#if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit#ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY
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i've been thinking about how one of Thee furry fetishes that always seem to be tied to us is vοre, despite more than half (from my observations at least) of the fandom listing it on their "hard limits, i don't draw/write/rp that" lists (myself included), kinda weird how that happened
#it's fine to like vοre ofc! just something ive noticed#inflation too but to a slightly lesser extent (not into that either personally)#just proves how varied and wide the whole group is :)#apart from having A Lot Of Interest in long thin (or thicker 😳) Wiggly Things that go into Places (iykwim)#what im into is mostly what you can do with a human ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#apart from being attracted to monsters way more than humans i have to think ''ah. yes. that's probably not really that normal''#like i have to remind myself that is Not in fact vanilla#i want to get f***-f***ed by a baron of hell's huge thick muscled arms while i'm nose-deep in another's furry nether regions?#yeah nah my experiences are NOT universal. lmao#...i should start drawing my baron oc again teehee
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lowkey me abt my masters abroad plan
#on top of everything it will be a big L for me like i keep telling everyone id rather die than live in this country lol#like oooh look who's back with us in this humble depressive reality miss too-good-for-here lol#genuinely tho i do think im too good for here but the bar is so low#and also i keep having to remind myself there's a very real possibility i will just be stuck in the closet in the foreseeable future#if i keep living here lol#aaand also i do like my family but i need to push myself away from my comfort zone i feel like. and how am i gonna do that in this country#like going to Istanbul is not a choice no offense to yall but i dont wanna die in an earthquake lol#and other cities are just????? mostly not even cities????? lol#NBC would be having a field day with these thoughts this will be the case study for his next movie 🤩#i mean after that insane politics fight during dinner scene lmao#🗒#anyway. omw to nap
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You know, despite being a pretty big grιmmjow fan, I almost never talk about him, because most gj fans are insufferable. But, like, what's with the absolute dogshit takes on him lately? Lately meaning more like the last 5 years, but bleach is an old enough manga for that to be a small enough amount of time. No, he's not the renji of HM arc. No, he's not a kenpachi copy. No, he's not a misunderstood woobie looking for community. No, he's most certainly not an ιchihιme shipper. Where were all of these born from?
#I think the answer is just that a big part of fandom largely does not care for the#Hm. More violent let's say. Aspect of characters#but two characters with vaguely punk attitude are not similar just based on that#I saw like four of those in the past week so I'm testy I guess#and mostly posting this as a reminder to myself to do a proper post on him. analysing him narratively#because shocker wow he had a narrative purpose and that's why he had so much panel time#On second read this sounds so condescending LMAO sorry that wasn't the initial impression I wanted to make#it's just something that leaves me very confused and I saw a pretty mean take with nothing to back itself up and I felt defensive
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I can’t believe it took me until 2022 to finally understand Andrew Garfield’s appeal... I thought he was cute like a deer, and then I was just neutral about him beyond “seems like a nice guy. Also seems like he’s very enthusiastic and he’s straddling that cute eager puppy and annoying theater kid line closely once in a while for me” in the later years. But then something clicked last year? And then the Golden Globes flirting this year????? I’m not sure what, but I think I can see the attractiveness.
#jk i know what it is and it's mainly that he's giving girl vibes#i don't know how to explain this but this might not need explanation because of how you all seemed to be on the same brainwave on my dash#and also just falling in love with men i like left and right basically#or being ready and receptive to be kissed and manhandled by them lmao#i will not forget him crushing on ocean lmao#and he likes to INTENTLY look at you and listen to your every word#reminds me of colin farrell's interactions with people#but with colin i thought he was hot just looking at him and only now am i finding out this information about him#because he was in the actors roundtable i watched that came out recently from THR#pretty sure he's like that in the other interviews this press tour too#also maybe because andrew's now older even if he still looks baby-faced#this is a partial lie because i do remember being into andrew's face in the early 2010s#and thought he was good-looking but i don't think i ever went '👀 oh...?' about him#don't get me wrong i think he's mostly in the 'cute baby-faced deer' category but occasionally and more often nowadays#i find myself attracted to him dfjklasfjajfals#i feel like this is what happened with james mcavoy too#i didn't think james was cute really. i didn't get why all my friends were obsessed#and then i watched him in more stuff and saw what his personality is like and i get it
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Hrmgmmmmmmm I really did decide to wade back in to The Office and Oscar/Andy and all for the sake of my fic, and then just. Immediately propelled myself directly into the abyss with scarcely a glance back, huh :'DDD
Honestly... after my last few fandoms, I kinda forgot that this is how this used to usually go: I'd finish something, or at least get moderately through it, and wouldn't think TOO much about it, and then I'd discover a ship and/or the fandom, and then it's just. Hyperfixation time triggered out of the blue!!!
But I'm happy... I really can daydream so so much for these guys right now hahaha, I'm just bursting with ill-formed ideas!!!! I had that so so much with Ensemble Stars but I mean it's been a longggg time... But here, everything is so new and shiny and novel and different and I'm just very happy :DDD
#i'm rewatching the show to get the voices right#and remind myself what was like. actually happening in canon around the time it's set lmao#luckily the fic is mostly not set in the office itself so it shouldn't make a huge difference#AND I'm reading every oscar/andy fic I can get my hands on#for general inspiration and to get me back into the fanfic reading and writing mood~~~~
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hmmm I should play Pokémon Violet soon. i want to assign Pokémon teams to mdzs characters but idk the sv pokedex like at All. I’m sure I could make solid teams just picking from all the other regions but what if there’s a rlly fitting paldean Pokémon yknow .. I could just go thro all the dex entries but I’d rather meet them in game so I Don’t permanently end up thinking ab any of them as like ‘the wwx Pokémon’ or anything.
im so sure someone else has made them Pokémon teams Somewhere but there’s 1,000 Pokémon now (hey don’t cry. 1,000 different pokemon, okay?) so im sure I can bring some of my own flavors to the table anyway
#meowings.txt#the closest thing to a written out character analysis I’ll ever post Will be Pokémon teams#im not entirely sure who all I’d do but. deffo wangxian. obv. and thennn. oh prolly jin ling.#and then I’ll prolly just see what happens w like. jc and jgy and sizhui and wen ning and qing#ill deffo Try for jc sizhui and wen ning but idk if I can make them full teams we’ll have to see. jgy and nhs I have Thoughts on but again#idk if I could make them full teams. wen qing either but like womens rights yk#OHHH Id try w yi city also for sure. I bet I could do xue yang and xxc & I’d love to try the other 2#we’ll see LMAO im literally just going to look thro every Pokémon n itll b how ever many I see that make me go ‘oh that’s this character’#anyway. this post is mostly to remind myself to do this when I get a chance.
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