#mostly I’ve just been doing a lot of copy pasting and some deleting lol

[lilypixels]

Not me becoming an amateur stardew valley modder just through process of trying to make mods I want work together

[shadowsong26x]

And several months later, we’re back with more of the BSG rewatch! This time covering the rest of S2.5 and also The Plan because Why Not.

The delay was in part because of miscellaneous non-rewatch related things, and in part because...you know, I think this is where I stalled the last time I did (or tried to do) a full rewatch, back in like 2015? And I think I know why--it’s because I’m not actually super fond of this half-season.

Like, don’t get me wrong. One of my favorite episodes is actually in this section, and every season/half-season/whatever of this show has At Least one episode that I don’t particularly like. And my least favorite episode isn’t even in this section (that’s coming in the back half of S3 and hoo boy am I still mad just thinking about it).

But.

There’s like...a whole cluster of episodes I’m not fond of, all bunched up together, lol. There’s Black Market, of course (which, my recollection of my thoughts on that episode are ‘this one has Potential but Lee was the wrong person to be doing this’ we’ll see how I feel this time); and also Sacrifice; and then there’s Significant Chunks of Lay Down Your Burdens (mostly relating to Chief); and while I don’t remember The Captain’s Hand being bad, exactly, I’ve been dreading it this time around because the B plot in the current political climate is going to be. Rough.

Anyway. That being said, once I’m past this section, it should go smoother both because I’ll be past this chunk and also I now have a DVD player I can plug into my laptop, so I won’t have to wait for a chunk of time when I’m dogsitting (for people who have access to Peacock streaming that I’m allowed to borrow). So hopefully, the Great BSG Rewatch of 2022 will in fact be completed in 2022. XD

Okay. All of that aside--I’m including The Plan in this chunk for some of the same reasons I included Razor in the last one, because I need it for Fic Purposes. Also, while there are the obvious Spoilers, it technically chronologically ends before the timeskip at the end of Lay Down Your Burdens.

My notes on the miniseries and Season 1 can be found here; and my notes on the first half of S2 (plus Resurrection Ship and Razor) can be found here.

As before, my notes contain spoilers because I have seen the full series before. I’ve copied over a lot of quotes I like, some with commentary, some with just Flailing. Also some plot/construction notes, and some notes to myself about the aforementioned fic (and a couple other self-indulgent AUs), which I have deleted. There might be a few I missed, though.

Also, warnings. Very Very important content warnings: genocide, suicide, intimate partner violence, torture, and sexual assault, as well as a lot of other Violence. There is also some content relating to abortions/reproductive rights. Other than that, unlike last time I don’t thiiiiiink there are any that need to be more heavily warned for than others? Feel free to send me an ask if you want more details.

I think that covers it! Here we go!

Epiphanies:

Previously on from Roslin

Ah, yes, flashing back to the miniseries. I actually like the lavender suit? But yeesh her hair.

Okay, this is timestamped 189 days ago. Which lines up with where we were last episode (6 months based on what Cain says).

Awwww, Billy. :(

I think I recognize the actor playing the union guy? I’ll have to look it up.

Ah yes. That bit, where she sees Gaius and Caprica. And, like, part of me would like to point out that that is…very slim evidence of anything? At least by itself. Otherwise everyone who knew/cared about Boomer (or Gina, or that one Simon, or Doral, or…well, we never meet any of Leoben’s friends lol but he was the Secretary of Defense’s yoga instructor XD) ANYWAY. This one piece of information doesn’t actually mean all that much, is the point

Except.

::gestures at all of the Everything Else::

I think her reading the worst into this particular memory is probably at least partially based on she just personally does not like this man, but it’s. it’s kind of hard not to Question Things, knowing how he’s acted in the six months since. Especially how he handled the Shelly Godfrey mess. I don’t know that she’d fixate on it in quite this way without the personal antipathy, but that’s neither here nor there.

(And, as with so many things where he’s concerned, she’s partially (mostly) right but also partially wrong and honestly I really, really love the way these two play off one another.)

Okay, so there are more people on staff here than just Cottle and Ishay, there was definitely one other dude with a stethoscope.

BILLY MY HEART.

…I think, because I never watched this episode without spoilers (I think the first episodes I ever watched were either New Caprica or Crossroads? While someone else was watching and I was around) so it doesn’t quite hit me the same way it would if I was legitimately wondering if they’d find a way to keep her alive? I mean, laws of TV say they should, but while Crashdown wasn’t a Main Credits lead, he was I think in every single episode of S1? So…yeah, idk.

49,598 survivors

“Save the attitude for someone who cares.” I love Kat and Kara’s dynamic, and of course this is setting up for Scar which I think is either the next episode or the one after that?

Oooooooh right, this subplot.

Aaaaand there’s an issue with the ammo, not the gun, so when Chief checked it, he knew he was right.

Bill’s face :(

Oh, right, Adar was an asshole, as we learn here.

Oooooooh, and she stole that from him XD “One of the most interesting things about being president is you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.”

Isn’t it implied that they slept together at some point? Guess I’ll find out.

Ah, yes, the anomalies with Hera’s blood.

“Didn’t say conclusive, just damned odd.”

And yeah Adama is also Not Super On Board with this plan, but. He’s still going to back her.

Oh wow and yeah it didn’t actually hit Baltar that he’s about to be President until Bill pointed it out. You can see it all over his face.

Huh, so apparently Head!Six has been least-in-sight since Pegasus, which now he’s saying was weeks ago. Timelines!

Oh shit that was an actual cracking noise did she break his wrist.

Lol, people are used to him talking to himself by now no one even bats an eye as he and Head!Six have this fight in a crowded hallway.

BUT THE THING WITH THE TIE LOL and he just Automatically puts his hand to it.

((Also, I don’t think she usually wears brown? Caprica does a lot--she tends to wear softer colors/earth tones more than Head!Six does, IIRC? Whereas Head!Six usually wears bright/saturated red/blue or stark whites and blacks. And that one silver dress which only looks passable because Tricia Helfer looks good in anything. Mostly bringing this up because there was that one photoset I saw on tumblr a while back that was tagged as Caprica but like. Only one of the pictures was Definitively Her XD The rest were Head!Six, with one I wasn’t totally sure of lol))

And Bill does tell Helo directly because. Yeah.

“They’ve got stones, I’ll give them that.” “I’ve agreed.” “…what?” “We’re not negotiating. I just want to know what we’re up against.”

…Bill, I get why you’re doing this, but I think arresting him is going to cause more problems than it solves…

Sharon like “they’re still afraid of me? Fine. I’ll give them something to be afraid of.”

((also the timeline of her pregnancy makes ZERO sense but oh well))

Oh shit I forgot we got suicide bombers before New Caprica

Billyyyyyyyy :(

“The next few days are likely to be…hectic…so.” And that is a Fancy Wax Seal.

“Even their dedication has limits.”

This was never in any universe going to be a healthy relationship ever. And he did EVERYTHING RIGHT before and he’s doing EVERYTHING WRONG here, and some of it is his madness and Head!Six and.

And then he has the Realization about Hera’s blood.

“I am not who you think I am. And I will not be responsible for the destruction of mankind.”

Yep. Yep yep yep they were. Roslin you generally have better taste than this. But who knows, maybe he was less of an asshole before the election.

…also I take it back, I like the suit a lot less without the jacket. That ultra-high-waist skirt is. Not Great.

“You expected me to fail.” “I expected you to hold the line. This doesn’t have to be the end of the world.” When it. Like. Literally Is. Within the next day or so.

“When I return, if you still want my job, be prepared to fight.”

“I know that many of you believe in the power of prayer.” :((((((((((((((((

And then attempting to grab Sharon with only the music and no diegetic sound at all just. Wow.

As Bill watches from outside.

Oh Helo. Oh baby. “Please don’t do this.” And he’s prepared to draw his gun to defend his child. And Bill is going to talk him down. “think about what you’re doing, Helo. You’re a soldier.” “I’m a father. Like you. Please, sir…give me a raptor. Let me take her off the ship. I’ll get her away from the ship.”

And that buys Baltar time to get here from Cloud Nine with his answer. “I may have been…wrong. Very wrong.” And then he realizes what he just ran into and Helo is behind him XD

“What am I looking at?” “Nothing. That’s the whole point.”

“It’s untried. It’s obviously untried, and therefore extremely dangerous, but it’s possible.” And they’re out of other options so to use what is simultaneously an incredibly inappropriate and Extremely Apt term--they’re gonna try the Hail Mary. XD

“maybe it’s just her time.” “then for once perhaps I am the beacon of hope around here.” Ohhhh so much to unpack there.

Awwww, Billy!

48 hours later, so…given that they mentioned ‘a few days’ earlier, this episode probably took between 5 days and a week? Of course the timeline has stopped making sense but just for my own notes XD

“By saving Roslin, you’ve denied yourself your rightful place of leadership. There are aspects of you I do not understand.” “You wouldn’t.” and then Head!Six asks if he loves Gina and he doesn’t answer, because the answer is ‘yes but’ because it’s all so confusing.

And of course he opens the letter (and tbf there are Very Few People who would not.)

And once again she’s partially right and partially wrong--he is capable of compassion, we’ve seen that (and we see more of it later); he just. Has this issue with abstractions and out-of-sight-out-of-mind. Which for his position as scientific advisor isn’t Great but it can be worked around, but as President, he’ll need to be able to face those abstractions and apply these things on a wider scale. Which he doesn’t learn to do until s4 (and possibly not even then).

Once again a flash of Spite and he does Stupid Things but once he calms down he doesn’t hold a grudge (again the out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing in play probably).

Yeah, she’s never going to trust you.

The STUPIDEST THING Gaius. Why are you sending Gina your nuke. …also how did you get away with keeping it when the detector was dismantled. I have SO MANY QUESTIONS

Ohhhhhh that smile after that initial ‘recoil in shock’ moment.

Black Market:

Previously on from Lee.

Oh right. Quadrangle of why take one. Not quite as annoying as the Big One in s3 but still. While I don’t think Billy and Dee were long-term compatible even without the nonsense, it’s still…they both deserved better than this nonsense.

And this right here is why Lee’s relationships tend not to work out. Because he wants this Idealized Girlfriend thing and when he pays someone to pretend, it’s fine, but when he tries to make that work with Dee or Kara…

“Well, they wouldn’t be civilians if they didn’t have something to bitch about.”

“Supply levels are tight, but not critical.”

Antibiotics coming up already.

“A few trades would be one thing, that’s reality. But I’m talking about criminals making outrageous demands. We need to be in control of our supply chain, not the black market.”

…okay but that is a kinda scary-looking doll lol. “Maybe next time I’ll get one with two eyes.”

Ohhhhhhhh and the staging of Fisk’s murder with him going into his office and unfastening his collar echoes some of the staging of Cain’s murder I LIKE IT

Also good riddance.

49,597.

…huh, I feel like it should be less than that? Given the explosion from the Demand Peace movement explicitly had casualties…ah well. Possibly a handful of babies were coincidentally born as well.

Oh right Lee had an actual girlfriend/fiancée/something before? Maybe I shouldn’t judge his relationships so hard lol.

And of course there’s some creepy serial killer bs! Because why just murder Fisk, why not shove a cubit into his throat!

“I almost prefer [another Cylon] to the alternative.” Yeaaaaaaah.

And putting Lee in charge of leading the investigation. “Wouldn’t it be better if someone from Pegasus did it?” “Even though Cain is gone, her influence lingers. I need someone I can trust.” “There were times when it was in short supply between us.” “We’ve been through a lot. I hope we’re stronger for it.”

Gaius why are you here.

Ohhhhh he doesn’t know about the murder until he walks into the room, he was here to meet with Fisk.

“You bought yourself some goodwill by saving Roslin, but it’s fading. Their suspicions are returning.”

“Why are you acting like a child with your hand in the cookie jar? Wonder what she would say if she saw you like this.”

“Pegasus lost two commanders in a matter of weeks.” Timelines!

And he’s been raiding other ships and heavily involved in the black market. Yay.

“Half the fleet’s working [the black market]. Fisk was getting greedy.”

Of course Ellen has black market connections OH RIGHT THAT WAS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BRACELET I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED THAT.

“I haven’t done anything half the people on this ship haven’t done.” “Doesn’t make us right, Colonel. Just makes a lot of people wrong.”

“Permission to speak frankly, sir?” “You don’t need permission, and you don’t need the sir.” “…maybe that’s the problem. I don’t know what to think anymore, so I’ll just ask. Is this going somewhere? Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” “Dee…” “Our time together, our workouts…something’s changed between us.” “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

…yeaaaaaaah, okay, I know they were planning to write Billy off (I think either the next episode or the one after is Sacrifice, the other one is Scar) but. Yeah. Dee, you probably should’ve broken things off with Billy sooner than you did. Or at least had a conversation with him. Whatever happens between you and Lee, there’s something in your other relationship that isn’t working for things to get to this point.

And he says to Shevon “I’m not fooling myself, I know what this is.”

And he almost gets garotted, too! Or I guess technically he does but he doesn’t get garotted to death? At what point do you call someone garotted.

Yeaaaaaaaah ‘letting it go’ is Not gonna happen.

“Is that when you knew that you loved her?” “I thought so.” “But you hurt her.” …yeah, no, nvm, Lee has apparently always been shitty at relationships.

Oh, Lee does call for a medic right away. …not just for himself, but still.

Aaaaand this conversation! “I’m never quite sure where we stand with each other, Doctor. Why do you think that is?” “I can’t imagine why. I’ve never had anything but the utmost respect for you and your office.” …or maybe it’s not This conversation, they’re talking about his meeting with Fisk.

“Gaius, she’s afraid of you.” “Why--are you asking me this?” “I sense there is some unease in you in assuming the presidency, and I’d like to offer you an out.” YEP IT’S THIS CONVERSATION. And like…I’m not sure what he would’ve done if she hadn’t pushed him here, but once she pushes him he’s Definitely going to double down and refuse to resign. Even though that is what he actually wants, deep down.

“You can consider it a second chance, like the one you gave me.” “Charming. ::starts to leave::” “Doctor. This is a one-time offer. I suggest you reconsider.” “I’ve never been particularly interested in politics. And I never wanted any lofty position of power. I never wanted to be the Vice President. That is, until this very moment. Because right now, I can’t think of anything I want more.” Yeah, she misread him here and made the wrong play. Ah, well.

ZAREK. Aka “and then there’s this asshole (affectionate)”

“I just heard. Are you all right?”

“I know these places are legal, but…”

“I have to be careful about the company I keep.” “Yeah, well, according to Fisk’s log…”

Oooh, interesting. “See how many ships made stops at the Astral Queen after Fisk’s last visit.”

And Zarek’s not wrong, there was no way this was Not going to happen.

“They gave you Fisk’s killer for a reason. They’re offering you a way out.” Oooooooh and to have That in the same episode as That Conversation.

“You know something, don’t you.” “Just rumors. …there’s a freighter. Prometheus. Some people say it’s gone off the grid. But if you want something bad enough, that’s where you go. The deals are brokered by an ex-military mercenary named Phelan.”

“Lee. I hope she’s worth it.”

SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. Returning to Zarek being smart and having lines he won’t cross (until he doesn’t, but post-Earth 1.0 Everything Changes). And while I think I stand by my assessment that I’d like this episode a lot more if someone other than Lee was doing it…no one bounces of Zarek quite the way he does.

(Also Kara was barely in the last episode and I haven’t seen her yet in this one. Huh.)

…and every woman he’s been Demonstrably (Canonically*) Interested In except Dee has been a blonde.

((*I know Lee/Roslin is a popular fanon ship but.))

Aaaaaand now we know there is Trafficking of Children going on.

Okay, Phelan talks a good game and he’s not wrong about the black market filling a necessary niche buuuuuuuuuuuut then the trafficking of children undercuts his point by a LOT. “It’s hard to find a moral high ground when we’re all standing in the mud.” NOT ON THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE. “I’m not like my old man, Captain. And you are not like yours.”

…the sad thing is, murdering Phelan isn’t really going to Solve the black market problem. But we’re gonna hit another of Zarek’s hard limits here I’m sure (he’ll murder children if need be, man blew up a building, I don’t think the possibility of children being inside would’ve stopped him, but not This.)

“Nobody can stop it. And maybe nobody should. But it needs limits. There’s lines you can’t cross. And you crossed them.”

Yeeeep that’s the Point of this episode. …and I guess why it had to be Lee after all. He’s the one who hates himself for not being Good and violating his rigid ethics but he will do the Necessary Thing.

“So you’re still in business. For now. But if there are any more killings, if you hold back necessary medicines, if you ever touch a child…” …and now I’m kind of interested in Black Market Kingpin Lee. I’m more interested in Lee than I ever have been before, lol.

Yeaaaah, Lee, your relationship with Shevon is exactly what she says it is. “I’m a replacement for a lot of things. Things men can’t get anywhere else. Things they’ve lost. She wanted to give you a child.” Oooh, and Lee didn’t want kids. “But you were afraid, so you pushed her away. And then you ran. And you didn’t stop running until it was too late.” Okay, so what broke apart his relationship was not his shittiness, exactly, it was a legit ‘we want different things we can’t reconcile.’ …eeeeexcept for the fact that he was kind of Involved with Kara already. “I am not her. And Paya is not and will never be your child.”

And Lee claims it’s all wrapped up. “What about Prometheus?” Roslin asks. “We will keep an eye on them.” “Not exactly the solution I had in mind. Whether or not we allow a criminal enterprise to flourish in this fleet is not a matter of choice.” “I support your trade policies wholeheartedly, Madam President, but we are never going to have a perfect system. We are always going to have a black market. This way, we know names, I know faces, and we will monitor the situation.” Yeah, Lee’s right here, this was the best possible solution.

Awwww, this moment with Billy would be a lot cuter if not for that prior conversation and the way she Looks at Lee who’s hovering at the gym entrance.

Yeah, a near-death experience will change a man.

“You should’ve told me about the woman.”

…okay, so, in the final analysis…this episode is not as bad as its reputation/as I remembered? I think if I was at all more interested in Lee, I might even like it??? But I’m really not. And it’s unfortunately very skippable, apart from the Roslin and Baltar conversation and the Lee and Zarek moment. I’m not sure anymore that it would’ve been Better with, say, Starbuck heading the investigation. It would’ve been different and probably more interesting to me, personally, but…yeah.

Scar:

YAY THE EPISODE WHERE KAT AND STARBUCK DEFINITELY HAD ANGRY SEX IN A CLOSET SOMEWHERE.

Ahem.

I mean.

MOVING ON

Starbuck gets the previously on.

And now we’re at a mining ship that’s been operating for 29 days. And at least two pilots are dead.

“I don’t think he’s gonna RSVP, Kat. He prefers surprise parties.” “Yeah, well, he’ll be surprised when I blow him up.” “That’ll be the day.”

Oh, man, clearing out his bunk.

“Does anybody remember Rielly’s girlfriend’s name?”

“It does matter,” Kat says, and she’s right.

And their replacements are immediately brought in as soon as they’re finishing clearing out the bunks.

“Who’s Scar?” “Not who, what. Cylon’s top gun.”

“He’s got a taste for nuggets. Easy pickings.”

“There was a time you’d’ve noticed that before me.” “Fiiiiiine you’re the shooter.”

And Starbuck has the Fancy Tankard which I think goes to Kat at the end of the episode?

“This isn’t duelling pistols at dawn, this is war. You don’t wanna fight fair. You wanna sneak up behind your enemy and club him over the head. You see, Scar understands that. And so do I. That’s why I’m gonna kill him.” And Starbuck and Kat finishing each other’s stories turns into needling each other and that little Smile.

And yep they’re betting over the top gun mug. “Your lips’ll never touch the rim little girl.” Yeaaaaaaaaah they definitely had Angry Sex in a closet at least once this episode. But yeah, Lee and Kat have a point, Kara, maybe you should tone down the drinking…

But she misses Sam. And who can blame her, Sam is awesome. And she keeps getting shot down when she tries to get a rescue mission going.

Noooooope, the Raider Kat is chasing was Not Scar oh no. it was Bait.

49,593!

YAY THE FLASHY BITS IMPLY WE GET SOME STARBUCK AND HELO BEING BROS!!!!! AND HE WAS IN THE BACKGROUND OF THAT LAST SCENE SO YAAAAAAAY!

“That can’t be Scar. He should be jumping, or wheeling to gun at us…” and yep, checking the tail is Smart but there’s Glare and then JUST LIKE ONE OF THOSE MINISERIES SHOTS, WE SEE SCAR COMING OUT OF THE LIGHT I LOVE IT

And they’re stuck here for another eight days.

Okay, so most of the fleet isn’t here, that’s smart.

Starbuck, you should read the briefing notes before telling your pilots what to do.

Ooooooh, is this implying that Starbuck’s captured raider is Scar? I LIKE IT.

And that repeating of that “death as a learning experience” idea.

“How many pilots have we lost? I mean…have you lost.” “You know there are times when I look at you and I forget what you are. All I see is that kid that spooched her landings day after day. The kid that was frakking the Chief and thinking she was getting away with it.” “Yeah, I remember. You were like a big sister to--” And then Guns when she reaches for Starbuck’s hands.

“Be careful of Scar, okay? He’s filled with rage.” “About what?” “Dying is a painful and traumatic experience. Every time he’s reborn, he’s filled with more bitter memories. Scar hates you every bit as much as you hate him.”

And Kat beats Starbuck’s record on the range!

And oh man Starbuck’s voice/face when she’s hit, and then they lose visual contact and…

“Don’t be an idiot, Starbuck, what’s your position?”

SO MUCH ANGRY SEX

YAY STARBUCK AND HELO BRO TIMES

“Why are you pushing so hard? Kat’s just another hotshot kid out to make her bones. Like you were before you met Anders. …you ever think about him?” “What’s the point? He’s dead.” “…Kara. If you didn’t think he had a chance of surviving, why’d you promise to return with a rescue party?” “I thought I was…I don’t know what I thought.” …yeah, I guess after it’s been…probably at least five or six months…that changes things.

Oh noooooo these are the ones that were mentioned as getting Killed right at the beginning before we started flashing back and forth in time. Duck and BB just died.

“That kid needs more than a pat on the ass and a textbook quote about tactics, okay?” “You wanna be his wetnurse, go right ahead. His jacket says he’s a qualified viper jock, so either I fly him, or I ground him and we go up short. What’s it gonna be? Your call, Kat.” SO MUCH ANGRY SEX.

And someone pukes on the deck. Not the first, won’t be the last.

“Nice work, Starbuck.” “What the hell happened to BB?” “He did exactly what you told him to do! ‘Try to run and you’re dead.’ I heard you drill that into that poor moron’s head.” “You and I both know that 99% of the time, that is the right move.” “Not this time.” SO MUCH. JUST. SO MUCH.

“In two weeks, I won’t remember his face. I can’t remember any of their faces after they’re killed. No matter how hard I try, they just fade.” “I don’t even remember their names.” “Names? Oh, let’s see…there was Flattop, who bought it on his thousandth landing. There was Chuckles…” “The president says that we’re saving humanity for a bright shiny future on Earth--that you and I are never gonna see. We’re not. Because we go out over and over again until someday some metal motherfrakker is gonna catch us on a bad day and just blow us away.” “…bright shiny futures are overrated, anyway.” I like Lee and Kara much better when they’re being fr--spoke too soon. “That’s why we gotta get what we can. Right now.” “I’ll drink to that. To right now.” “So why don’t we? “ “Why don’t we…what?” and now they’re fucking. Because of course they are.

And Lee is saying slow down and Starbuck isn’t listening and juuuuuuust like when she frakked Baltar, she’s screwing someone else to hide from her Feelings. This time she’s screwing Lee to hide from her feelings about Sam. “There is no us. I just wanted a good lay. There is nothing here. Nothing. You get that?” “…sure.”

“Well that’s just great. Frak or fight, right? Maybe I am just a good lay, but I’m also your friend, okay?” “I am hung up on a dead guy, okay? And it is pissing me off. And I don’t know what I’m doing.” “I don’t need your pity, Lee!” “You don’t have it! You’re fine with the dead guys, it’s the living ones you can’t deal with!” And then she slaps him and then kisses him and then storms out and just. Why. These two. Are. So. Exhausting. Go have angry sex with Kat instead.

And now she’s drinking in the ready room, watching all the footage of her pilots dying.

“Maybe if you hadn’t been up all night drinking, Jojo would’ve still been here.” “…give us the room.”

SO MUCH ANGRY SEX.

“I put Snake in my place because I knew I was in no condition to fly. Unlike you, I don’t take a bunch of pills and climb into my cockpit too wired to land right!” “You used to be the best stick in the fleet. Now you’re just a reckless drunk who sends other people out to get killed. What are you gonna do? Gonna hit me, Starbuck?” “Scares you, does it?” “Actually, no.” “You’re afraid most of the time, Kat. You’re afraid that you’re gonna end up like that picture of Reilly’s girlfriend. Some little…forgotten picture that no one really remembers. You see, that’s why you’re riding my ass so hard. So no one will notice that Scar scares the living crap out of you.” And then Kat hits her. …and Lee comes in before they can turn that bickering/fistfight into an Angry Makeout Session. “What’s going on?” “…a little tactical discussion, sir.” “is that what they’re calling it now” “…must’ve been lively.”

And Lee puts them out on one of the pickets together.

And Lee asks if Starbuck is okay, and Kat goes to view the memorial wall. And pin the picture of Reilly’s girlfriend to it.

I love Sam so much. He deserved better.

“I am gonna put him right in front of you. Do not miss him, frakkin’ stim junkie.”

Ooooooh that spray of blood across the space/asteroid.

And Starbuck just stares at the downed, smoldering wing as they fly away.

so much angry sex.

And she does fill the cup. “You earned it,” she says quietly, and Kat realizes this is Serious, and not mocking each other anymore.

And Starbuck proves she was Lying to lee before. “To BB…Jojo…Reilly…Beano…Dipper…Flattop…Chuckles…Jolly…Crashdown…Sheppard…Dash…Flyboy…” And she starts to falter, but she keeps going. “Stepchild…Puppet…Fireball…” And Lee gets up to help her finish when she runs out of names and she Knows there are more but. “To all of ‘em.” “So say we all.”

And bro times with Helo again! “I could’ve done it. Just needed to get a little closer.” “So why didn’t you do it?” “Probably would’ve died in the process. Bastard was too good. Couple months ago, I wouldn’t’ve even thought about that. Would’ve just gone for the glory, hoping I could’ve pulled it out of the fire sometime.” “Don’t beat yourself up. You and Kat both came back alive. You did the right thing, called in your wingman.” “That’s not why I did it, though. I can’t get Anders out of my head.” “You got something to live for now. Not just die for.” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOUR HONOR. BEST BROS.

Sacrifice:

oh no.

::momma look sharp starts playing::

((yeah if I had ever gotten around to doing a S2 fanmix like the one I did for S3, this episode would be that song. I am NOT the only one who’s made the connection, either: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRMZ5qdsBu0 SUFFER WITH ME))

ANYWAY

Lee gets the previously on, I think (the subtitles say Laura but it is definitely a dude)

And this lady has a full on wall of crazy. Woo.

Does go to show that there is genuinely a thriving press in the fleet which is kind of great! Not just wireless, but actual papers.

Billy is being more outspoken than usual in this meeting, yay! Lol, Roslin comments on it, too.

Awwwwww. “You were saying about the hard questions?” and he’s proposing and it’s SUPER CUTE except Dee’s been kind of pulling away from him and towards Lee and…she just…her face, oh man.

And he’s still holding out hope and babbling when her Face says it all and then she finally gets the words out and and and. :(((((((((

“I can’t marry you. I don’t know how else to say it. I’m sorry.” :(((((((((((((

And the very next scene is her on a date with Lee.

She’s so pretty.

“I don’t know what to make of me and Billy, but I know I can’t marry him. Then again, I don’t know what to make of you and me, either.”

Oooh, whatever Lee is drinking just has a straight-up chili pepper in it.

Hi Ellen! Haven’t seen you in a while!

49,590!

And Ellen has a very pretty bright blue drink! With like. Smoke on it XD

Ohhhhhh and now Billy is in the bar and Dee is like “…shiiiiiiit.” And then Lee comes back with more drinks and Dee is like “fuuuuuuuuuuck” and Billy is just “…oh.” And his face. :(((((((( “Billy, I’m sorry,” Lee says, and retreats back to the bar. Which. Can’t blame him. (And Ellen already has a second drink, lol)

And Billy’s mad because “I thought we could be honest with each other. But when I proposed you knew you were going to be here with him today. I know giving you the ring was stupid, that’s fine. And maybe this wasn’t gonna work out between us, but this…you should’ve told me about this.” And…I mean, in her defense, when he pulled her aside to propose he kind of just kept babbling and she had frozen for a moment.

…on the other hand, Black Market was at least a month ago given Scar’s internal timeline, and so this has been building for at least that long and yeah, she really should’ve talked to him before this.

And meanwhile Ellen is like “it’s hard to choose the people we fall in love with…to love only one person at a time…people like us are more complicated.” And like. Not really helping XD

And then Dee says she’s sorry, and Billy says he’s here with friends and walks away. (earlier he said he was here on business which is proooooooobably closer to the truth But)

Whoops Lee noticed the lady from earlier. Which. Took him long enough, she and that one dude were acting Super Sketch. Aaaaaand he’s spotted her gun. Fun!

“Ellen, the bathroom’s over here.” “…are you serious? :D” and she only takes the blue smoky drink with her.

Sorry, Ellen, you’re not getting bathroom sex from Lee today. Or ever.

…is it just me or does that one shooter/bad guy/whatever look weirdly like a Five?????

Yep, and Now Ellen knows why Lee pulled her into the bathroom, so he could have some room to maneuver. And he’s counting shooters and.

“What about you, Saul? Are you afraid of her?” “The truth is, I don’t like the way it’s gotten under your skin.”

And now Ellen’s going to try and Talk to the people holding everyone hostage which. Like. Whatever else you can say about her, she’s got ovaries of steel.

((I feel like we haven’t seen Tigh all that much in this set of episodes either? Ah well, he’ll definitely be more present in this episode))

Although letting the hostages know Exactly how valuable a hostage they have might or might not have been the smart play, which is probably part of why Lee pulled her out of the room.

And giving two hours to produce Athena and Bill’s first response is “I need everything we know about this woman.”

And that little jerk when Bill hears Lee is there. But also half a squad of marines and Starbuck and he’s like “…yeah, I know who we want here get me Starbuck.”

And yeah that’s Smart what Lee is doing with the drink but it’s taking too long and he’s gonna get caught so he scrambles back to the bathroom--probably he can hear them in the other room?

Oh, nope, he was Lying in Wait. And now he has a gun!

“Lock and load, figure it out as we go.” I love Starbuck.

And then they use Dee as a counter-hostage so Lee has to let his guy go.

“We all have someone we care about. He’s not gonna choose a Cylon over his son.”

And Now the sensor goes off!

“There’s a reason you don’t start shooting on a spaceship. Maybe you nicked a line. Let me talk to the Admiral.”

“I’m not going to sacrifice a military asset on your altar of revenge.”

“This is about the loss of your husband, and I understand that. It’s about you wanting to strike back, I understand that too. We’ve all lost people we care about, and we learn to live with it.”

“I am sure you’re aware, Admiral, of the concrete evidence that Caprica’s defenses were compromised by a Cylon agent who infiltrated the Ministry of Defense on the eve of the attacks.” She is. Not wrong. “People look for complicated answers when something terrible happens. Maybe we were just caught by surprise and were beaten. And maybe we have to learn to live with that.” “And maybe you’re missing the point. You were infiltrated, and you’ve been infiltrated again. You are being played, and the rest of us are not going down with your ship! I want the air system repaired now!”

And IIRC he sends Starbuck in as the repair person.

“Saul, we can’t give her Sharon, you know that, right?” “I know that. We can’t start dealing with terrorists, we start doing that now and it opens the floodgates, they’ll never stop. And by the way, it’s not Sharon. It’s a frakking Cylon.” “You don’t think I know that?” “I think there’s part of you that looks into that thing’s eyes and still sees that young girl that reported aboard two years ago as a rook pilot. Whell it’s not. And it never was.”

And yep, Kara figures out that the sensor was messed with, and is going in for recon! Which will probably involve her shooting many things because.

“Captain, what are you doing?” “Volunteering.” Lol, that Marine’s tone XD

YEP SHE HAD GUNS HIDDEN AND NOW THERE ARE BULLETS FLYING

And Lee got hit--oh shit I thought it was farther to his shoulder than that, that’s like. That probably dropped a lung. Yikes.

Also oh shit I think Starbuck hit him while he was running to grab one of the guns(?) not sure what he was doing there.

She did hit at least one of the hostage-takers, though.

But the Marines were coming in through the half-open door! And he has to pull her out.

Okay yeah, now it looks more on his shoulder than his chest what do I know, lol.

“You still want the Cylon? Because if the Admiral’s son dies, you’re not gonna get a thing.” So Billy gets to get something to use as bandages and help Dee clean Lee up.

“My cover was blown, I had to move. I’m sorry.” “Any casualties?” “Two marines, probably KIA. At least one of the gunmen…and Lee. It was crazy in there. Confused. He got hit.” “How bad?” “I don’t know.” “Stand by. Hold your position. Make no move unless you hear from me.” “It was friendly fire. Lee got hit by friendly fire. …I think it was me.” Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. “…you have your orders.” Especially considering when she finally came clean about how Zak died oh man.

Billy is such a good bean I love him so much.

And Bill goes to talk to Sharon. “Are you playing with us? Are you playing with me?” Because he has to be Sure, has to decide what to do. “If I were to ask you, would you tell me who [the other Cylons in the fleet] are?” “No.” “That I believe.”

That does explain why Cavil is still unknown as of the end of this season (and probably D’Anna, too). The question is--why is she doing that? To have one more thing to hold on to Just In Case? Because betraying her people as a group is different from selling out Individual People? Hedging her bets in case she needs to turn to one of them for an exit strategy, especially if Hera is threatened again?

“He’ll be all right.” “Thanks for the concern. …she loses a husband, and suddenly the world owes her an explanation.” “He was a good man. And it wasn’t just her husband, it was my brother.” “My brother died on Picon, he was a good man too. They’re all good men.”

And of course she released her manifesto before taking over the bar.

And we can’t blow open the door because it would take so many explosives it would probably take out the entire bar. (Still love G-4 instead of C-4)

“There’s only one option left.” “No. We give them Sharon Valerii, we weaken our position permanently. Gentlemen, everyone in that room is someone’s son, someone’s wife, someone’s mother. …Billy’s the closest thing that I have left in this world and if you don’t think that that confuses things for me emotionally…let’s not be naïve.” My HEART.

And Saul says “what if they’re right” and she says “this isn’t about Sharon, this is about something way more long-term.”

“How’s my son?” “Alive. But my friend is dead. So are two of your soldiers. And your son is dying. I thought a long time about this. About what I’d do, about how far I’d go, and I honestly did not know until this moment--Chu.” And now she’s gonna deliberately execute hostages. Starting with Ellen.

“…hold your fire. I’m giving you the Cylon. But she won’t be alive.” “What does that mean?” “It means that you’ve convinced me. And if that’s the case, and she’s been playing me, then I can’t take any more chances. If you want Sharon Valerii, you can have her--but on my terms.”

RIGHT THEY STILL HAVE BOOMER’S BODY ON ICE! Convenient.

“I give you the body, you give me the hostages.” “…done.”

“Admiral, let me help. Please.” “Let me take it from here.” But he’s telling her without words that this isn’t like last time, he’s not Furious at her. And that helps. Just a little.

“I can see you watching him. I know you think you can get that gun.” “I’m thinking in case something happens--” “No. you’re not a soldier. You’re not trained for that. You’ve got nothing to prove.” “I know.”

Oh no oh no oh no oh no

And she fires a couple times into Boomer’s corpse and yep there’s the burn mark on her cheek.

Aaaaaaand her partner figures it out. “Wait. This isn’t right.” And pulls the blanket down further, showing the autopsy scar/mark. “…this one’s been dead for weeks. Their Cylon is still alive.” (more than weeks, it’s been at least four or five months at this point???? But what are timelines lol)

And oh no oh no oh no oh no he’s moving quietly around the back and oh noooooo

“Kill the girl.”

And he goes for the gun and I think does kill the other guy but then noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

And Dee does scramble over to check on Billy, and Bill goes right to Lee so he’s not alone for more than a few seconds and and and :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ;___________;

Oh no her face. When she comes into the morgue. And. Oh no. “Is this what you gave them?” “It was a calculated risk.” “It wasn’t worth it.”

“Lee, you can’t leave. You have to stay. You have to really stay. You understand?” and. And knowing where Dee’s story is going. And Starbuck hovering in the background. And. “It’s okay. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be right here.”

And then that last shot of Athena’s very alive and unscarred cheek. Man.

ETA: re: some of the Choices Dee is making here--I think a lot of it comes down to her not wanting to be alone, especially given that she was Estranged from her family when the attack happened. She’s probably known that she no longer really wants to be with Billy for a while, but she doesn’t want to leave him until she’s sure of where she stands with Lee, but Lee is a fucking mess, and then Billy surprises her by still being Fully Invested in this relationship and like. I wish she had made better choices here and I think she handled this whole mess Badly, but…when I think about it that way, I can sort of understand what she’s doing here? Especially if she didn’t realize Billy was in this to the point where he was working himself up to propose to her.

She should have done better, this was really cruel to Billy. But.

The Captain’s Hand:

Previously on from Tigh!

And that’s not exactly what Gina said, but it was probably cut. Same thing with that bit about putting Garner in command on Pegasus. “He’s the best they’ve got.”

HOSHI! What a good bean.

And we’re almost a month after the last episode.

Galactica’s the Bucket and Pegasus is the Beast, that’s cute.

I wonder if Lee’s scar sticks around, I’ll have to pay close attention to future shirtless scenes. What a hardship.

((look, I don’t like Lee very much but I am but a simple bi girl and I can appreciate the scenery))

“It’s only a temporary assignment. I should be back again in a couple weeks.” “Why’d the old man pick you?” “One word: Starbuck.” “Is she in hack again?!” “Not yet, but apparently she’s been driving Commander Garner up one bulkhead and down the other since she took over flight training here. And since I won’t be flying combat for a while…”

“Got promoted to Major.” “Don’t sound so happy.” “It’s not that big a deal.” “Yes it is!” “Well, if you think so…”

Aaaaaaand the B plot. Yay. …tempted to just like. Fast-forward over it and ignore it but. …no, I’m doing a full rewatch. I will be good. I will watch the episode. On mute if I have to, but it will be watched.

It is nice to see Chief and Cally again, though. I don’t think we’ve seen them since Epiphanies??? With the sabotage????? No, wait, they were briefly in Scar, nvm.

…I recognize that actor, I think? Garner.

49,584!

“Sir, it’s been made clear that discussing flight deck information with anyone not on Pegasus crew is not allowed.” Ooooookay yeah this is a li’l fucked up. “And who’s frakking bright idea was that?” And the Pegasus guys close ranks, but it was Garner. “So, barely competent and paranoid. That’s a hell of a combination.”

He does have a point about the way things need to be run in an engine room. But you can’t necessarily apply that same rigid exact precision/protocol to everything else that has to happen.

But yeah, Lee et al could probably learn a thing or two from him.

Hi Tory! You are very pretty.

“I’m still here, there’s too much to do. Let’s talk politics.”

“We did polls to see what the mayor should have for lunch.” Lol

“It helps when your only real rival is a convicted terrorist.” Until Baltar, prompted by Head!Six (and apparently Gina) throws a spanner in the works. Woo.

Hi Zarek! You’re an asshole (affectionate)

“For a while, I had a chance, until Laura Roslin ascended from politician to prophet. The truth is, I can’t win. But you could.” Oh, wow, I forgot that Zarek actually approached Baltar and didn’t just jump on when Baltar announced he was running.

And now that his Spite has faded he remembers he hates politics and doesn’t actually want to be in charge lol.

“It’s the office that makes you the perfect candidate. You’re pre-sold.” “Really? To whom?” like genuinely surprised there lol

As a counter to ‘superstitious ravings’ oh boy. “And you, Tom? You’ll just step aside, will you?” Yeah even Baltar isn’t going to think Zarek is doing this without an ulterior motive. ((he’s Not Stupid, like, one of his defining character traits is that he’s Very Much Not Stupid, but...like he’s also real dumb sometimes)) “I’m just happy to back a man of true conviction. A man who remembers his friends.”

“Everyone knock off the schoolyard crap and do your frakking jobs.” Yeah, they did need to hear that, Lee. And Starbuck takes the reprimand well because she knows they deserved it.

Awwww that one guy with a close shave kinda looks like Crashdown. Poor kid.

And Bill mostly cares that Cottle is involved in smuggling people on and off Galactica. Which. You know. Fair.

Cottle interjecting with “She could apply for asylum” and Bill giving him a ‘not now, Doc’ look.

[And apparently the Gemenon rep has Sarah as a canonical name. or possibly she was replaced by Danae in the upcoming election because I like Danae and her bitter rivalry with Fintan and poor Sondra holding the balance point in the middle between the two of them lol. And also dealing with Zarek. And the other eight assholes.]

Lol that ‘what’

And Bill is the one to point out the practical implications here. And she’s still saying no because this is Important for so many reasons. And he reminds her of the ‘we’d better start having babies’ thing and. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Aaaaaaand Starbuck pieces together ‘received a distress call’

And Lee trying to smooth things over between Garner and Starbuck and. Nope. And now Starbuck is restricted to quarters.

Oh no pushups. Oh no. ma’am. Ma’am please.

“You’ve been on board less than four days.” Lol.

And now they’re having a Fight. “You keep frakking up, and I keep having to clean it up, and I am sick of it!” “Poor Lee, your life is so hard, isn’t it.” “You mean since I got shot.” And she turns away crying to collect herself and now he didn’t mean to go that far and she changes the subject because they Can’t really go there right now.

And Lee’s like “this is almost certainly a trap” and Garner’s like “I disagree we’re taking the whole beast there.”

Bill is also like “uhhhhhhhhh…”

“It’s a scenario we don’t think likely.” “We? …Major Adama, do you concur.” And Lee is honest, and Garner is like, “I don’t share that conclusion.” And Bill says ‘send a five-Raptor flight don’t send the whole Pegasus.’ Aaaaand Garner tells Lee ‘I’m sure your expertise is needed elsewhere.’ Sigh.

Demographic projections. Yay.

“So now it’s our administration? She must be desperate.” Shut up, Head!Six, you’re not helping.

Okay, now we’re saying seven months ago when he ran these numbers--probably for that meeting in Water? He would need that to calculate the resources, probably.

Yikes. “if we continue on our present course, within the next 18 years, the human race will simply be extinct.”

And her voice is breaking when she gives the order. And like…these are very specific circumstances. And this doesn’t change the fact that it will just force the issue underground and make it a Lot Less Safe. But.

It’s just. Right now. Hard to watch. Damn it.

“We go in now, we’re going in blind. We should send a force recon.” And Garner’s like “no, my pilots are dying out there.” What happened to rigid protocols. It’s not the same as in the engine room but there is a reason Adama ordered that you do this in the order you’re doing it.

…graaaaaaanted this is also after he nearly came to blows with Cain over a similar issue so. Uh. There is that.

This poor sergeant who is being given contradictory orders and yeah he chooses to follow Garner and not Lee, regardless of who is right. Because Pegasus is still Tightly Bonded after everything with Cain.

Aaaand the raptor crews are already dead.

SUDDEN (UN)EXPECTED BASESTAR! …THREE OF THEM!

((Yeah, Garner’s a That Guy; I’ve seen him in a bunch of guest spots in other things))

Aaaand FTL is out so they’re Stuck.

Lol. “Sergeant, I think you have better things to do.”

And Garner is fixated on fixing the FTL drives. Trying to talk the engine room guys through it, but “they don’t seem to understand.” And he goes down, leaving Lee in command.

And Lee’s voice shaking just a little. “I have the con.” And then he pulls himself together and starts giving the necessary orders because he does know what he’s doing.

“Mr. Gaeta, any contact?” “Negative, sir.”

And that’s one basestar exploded!

And Garner does put his ass on the line and get himself killed to save the ship. Because he’s got a stick up his ass the size of Jupiter but he is a good man. “Close the hatch behind me. We’re losing air. Close the gods-damned hatch! Close it!”

Oh, maybe it didn’t blow up, but it’s leaving.

And he’s running out of air but he keeps hitting the valve with the hammer and then the light goes green and then he passes out, pulling the lever as he does.

It might have been better if we’d had a little more time with Garner, oh well.

Oh that was a cool shot, Starbuck coming in upside down.

“Starbuck’s report wasn’t so kind.” Yeah. And Lee still has the watch.

“In your opinion, off the record--what was Garner’s flaw?” “He was used to working with machines. Command is about people.” “Remember that. I want you to take command of the Beast.” And Lee like ‘whut’ “Garner was my decision. His failures are my responsibility. Don’t let me fail a second time.”

GDI STUPID FUCKING LIGHTER MUSIC MAKING ME CRY

49,579.

And yeah, Rya got grandfathered in, so to speak. And was granted asylum.

“My order came after she sought her procedure. No laws were broken.” “You have your pound of flesh. And I suggest you take your victory and move on.”

“You realize you’re screwed, right?” “Well, it could be worse. You could be my CAG.” “I’m gonna stay here and be Galactica’s CAG. Something about wanting to keep an eye on me.” “Well, you and Colonel Tigh have a lot of fun at those early-morning briefings, ‘cause the XO’s a lot of fun first thing in the morning.” And then she gives him a sincere Congratulations after all the teasing because when they work they do but the hand-holding and ugh. “I know why I was mad at you, Kara.” “A simple thank you would do.” “Cause you were doing what you always do. Bucking authority, and getting away with it. I bucked authority once, and it almost cost me everything. And I got to Pegasus, and there you were, doing it all over again. And it pissed me off, I guess.” “You should hear the way my brain works sometimes. …are we okay?” “…you have a brain?” and then they hug. And if it weren’t for the Quadrangle of Why clearly Lurking in the wings and that gd handholding I would like this moment a lot more.

Aaaaaand now the press conference where Baltar hijacks it and announces he’s running for president because. Of Course.

((I remembered the election arc lasting way longer than it actually does? Especially since Downloaded has. Like. Five minutes with the fleet and all of that is Hera’s birth and kidnapping.))

Oh, this is interesting. He starts out defending the decision, because he knows the reasons for it. “The decision has been made in good faith. …I, however, cannot in good conscience support it.”

And Head!Six watching him from the back with that little half-smile.

Yeah, Roslin was not expecting that.

And that slow clap from Head!Six damn. As the rest of the sound other than the BGM fades out.

So yeah, this episode is. Not great. Even without the IRL Timing. If Black Market was better than I remembered, this one was worse than I remembered. Even the A plot. I think we didn’t know Garner (or the engine crew types; especially with guys like Chief and Laird who are more flexible in contrast) well enough for it to hit the way it needed to. Also the fucking Quadrangle of Why I hate it so much.

Downloaded:

HELL YEAH I LOVE THIS ONE.

((full disclosure, I did spot-rewatch this one before I started this project))

Sharon gets the previously-on!

Okay, so, this is nine months after the miniseries.

And the first time we actually See someone wake up in a resurrection tank! …I wonder what that goo actually was. I’m sure the answer is out there somewhere but I’m too lazy to look it up.

(also like; if only for fic-writing purposes, I do think about that moment where--maybe he was stunned/knocked out for a second and he wakes up next to her body)

Other!Six has Concerns.

And the rest of Caprica’s brain wakes up and she asks about Gaius and surprise Head!Baltar!

And he immediately tells her that only she can see him.

Oh, there’s a Five there.

“If they know how you feel about me, it’ll be a problem.”

((Also, Eights tend to wear really soft, pretty things when they’re among other Cylons? Just a thing I noticed, especially with the midwife!Eight))

Okay, ten weeks later--does that line up with the timestamps we were given before? ::scrolls up to check:: I know that the S1 finale was around day 50…okay, Tigh was in command for ‘more than a week,’ based on my notes, and Boomer getting shot happens right when Bill wakes up…ehhhhh, that seems Off to me but who the hell knows.

…oh that’s interesting. Boomer is in restraints/cuffed to the tub, I don’t think Caprica was? ::rewinds to double-check:: yeah, nothing on Caprica’s wrists.

((side note--I spent some time in the Supernatural fandom, as one does, and Head!Baltar was an easter egg/cameo in a fic I’m still pretty proud of XD he was going to play a bigger part in future arcs in the same story but then I fell out of that fandom for a variety of reasons. So. Yeah, there it is))

“You’re in God’s hands. We’re all here with you. This will pass. Trust me. Everything’s going to be all right.” “Welcome home, little sister. We’re here. We’re going to take care of you.” “We’re proud of you, Sharon.” “And we love you.” Thaaaat’s a creepy little smile, Other!Eight. and then Boomer just SCREAMS.

49,579!

“I was thinking it symbolized rebirth. A new beginning.” Aww, her little smile at him. “It’s a memorial. Do you know how many people died in this park during the attack? In this park alone?” And then Sudden Unexpected D’anna and they jerk apart.

“Even after all this time, I still feel awkward.”

LOL all three of them crossing their legs in unison.

“You are a war hero, we could not have won without you.” And her smile gets a little frozen, and even more so when the Five comes up to tell her she’s inspiring.

“I find it absolutely amazing, you people went to all the trouble to appear human and didn’t bother to upgrade the plumbing!”

…I wonder when the last time Cottle actually did any OB stuff was XD Since he’s been assigned to an active battlestar, probably any pregnant personnel are transferred elsewhere?

“That mission could be profoundly disturbing.” “Disturbing? Does she mean sleeping with me, or killing billions of people? Because I rather thought you enjoyed sleeping with me.” “It was…difficult at times.” And then Three (who may or may not be the same Three as Final Cut; it is an Endless Source of internal debate for me XD I read somewhere that there was a deleted scene involving D’Anna and Gina that made them Definitively separate? But that isn’t in the actual show…and also doesn’t answer which of them is involved in the S3 stuff XD)

…I had a point.

Right. Three is saying ‘you should help Boomer reintegrate’ and Caprica is like ‘uhhhhhhhhhhh not sure I’m the right girl for that?’

And Three just plunges on calling her Caprica instead of Six.

Also LOL at James Callis’s face as Head!Baltar bounces back and forth between Caprica and Three.

“There’s talk of boxing her.” “Putting her memories in cold stories?” “Well, that’s a charming way of dealing with emotional problems. One might almost call it inhuman. Oh, that’s right, you are.” And then she glares at him a little bit/is about to snark back before Three/D’Anna pulls her focus back.

SAM \o/

Yay, baby is crying! Also…like…they are implying that Hera is Way more premature than she actually is? If we’re at around day 270 (assuming nine thirty-day months), she was conceived on day 24. That puts Athena at 35 weeks along, which is…way closer to term and actually around when someone with placenta previa might be induced (I looked into this for an unrelated story). …and also that’s counting from the date of conception, not the date of last menstrual cycle. If we assume an average four-week cycle, that would put her at around 37 weeks, which is pretty damn close to full term and no longer considered premature? (37-38 weeks is ‘early term’ and used to be considered full-term).

…then again, Athena was having morning sickness way early and the timeline of this pregnancy has never really made sense but it Jumps Out At Me, okay XD

...I’m putting way too much thought into this, lol. Let’s move on.

Also Helo is fretting adorably and I love him.

Back to Caprica and Boomer!

“You here to kick me out?” “No.” “You here to help me with my adjustment problems? I could save you some time.” Also I like Boomer’s taste in music. And watching her do pullups. …shut up.

“If you knew what you were, and you lived on Caprica, you know what that makes you? A really good liar.”

“Start with the elephants.” Head!Baltar is helping! Like, Actually helping! (And this gets brought into The Plan!)

Awwww, Boomer’s fake parents are super cute.

“Don’t get religious with this one. What are you thinking?” because Caprica is genuinely devout.

“This is love! I didn’t pretend to feel something so I could screw someone over!” And Caprica looks over at Head!Baltar, who is looking back at her. “I loved them. And then I betrayed them. I shot a man I loved, frakked over another man, ruined his life, and why? Because I’m a lying machine!” And then she throws the picture and the cut on Caprica’s face and yessssss let Caprica be devious.

“Nicely done. You timed it perfectly.” And the sad and slightly-ashamed look she gives him.

((a few months ago, I wrote a monstrosity of an essay on redemption arcs and different types and how they’re used; the second half of it was a whole case study on the way the narrative treats Caprica’s arc vs. Baltar’s. I’m not going to repeat the whole essay here but the gist of it was hers is much smoother/right from the moment of her reintroduction she’s shown to be much softer/much easier to forgive in a lot of ways. And there are Many reasons for that, ranging from the Point of her storyline to the Feelings evoked by an enemy agent vs. a traitor, and also ::gestures:: https://textsfromgalactica.tumblr.com/post/150634851964 …anyway, it’s something I’m going to pay attention to as we see more of Caprica over the next two seasons. But basically, even though I know there are specific Doylistic reasons why we have to highlight her most positive qualities Immediately and stick to them as much as possible, it’s nice to be reminded that she is an extremely talented spy and manipulator.))

“Never saw a Cyon show fear before. Especially the Sixes. Usually so hardcore.” “Feign fear and emotional vulnerability. You’re very good, you know. But I’m better. Let me help you. I’m different.” “I’m different.” “I’m more like you.” “I’m more like you.” “I had someone here. A man. I loved him, and I think he could’ve loved me, eventually.” And ohhhhhhh the way they drift into Unison and the VERY DIFFERENT VIBE to the nuke scene back in season one I love it I love it I love it.

((also I love that line))

And she looks back at him, and there’s a Lot on their faces.

Also there is probably A Lot to unpack here with the Caprica resistance and the types of bombings they’re planning vs. the New Caprica resistance vs. groups like the Demand Peace movement vs. Zarek etc. etc. Especially given when this show was written and came out. But that is not what I am here for personally, at least not for any kind of deep dive, but it is interesting. Especially here, where Sam is laying out the rationale for blowing up the café and it’s presented in a neutral-shading-positive light, even in the episode (slash string of episodes, especially given Gina) that are emphasizing that ‘wait, let’s deconstruct this idea that Cylons aren’t people). And then on New Caprica, there’s no bones about ‘we are doing awful things and the blood will weigh on our hands but it is Necessary.’ And again with Zarek and other on-screen bombers and…yeah. It’s a Thing.

“Three minutes, ten seconds.” “Boom.” The way he says ‘boom,’ man.

“I always loved the view. Sunlight on the water…it’s my favorite spot in the universe.” “Yes, it’s magical. Too bad you nuked it.” “After I downloaded, I went back to the ruins of his house.” “Why?” “Like you, I was looking for some kind of connection to him. Found some of his things, even held onto them for a while. But then I realized they were keeping me from truly embracing my new life.” “So what’d you do with them?” “I burned them. But I felt liberated.” “Yeah, it’s a beautiful story, isn’t it. Shame it’s all a pack of lies.” And then the little Look they share, and the way she reaches for the glass…and then she’s a lot better at covering the gesture to Someone Who’s Not There than Gaius is XD

“He was the one who betrayed us?” “Us--oh, I love it. This one thinks she’s more human than Cylon. Just like someone else I know.”

And then her FACE when Boomer tells her. “He’s…he’s alive?” “He’s…the Vice President of the Colonies. You didn’t know that?”

“If I want to toss a baby out an airlock, I’d say so.” I do love that line a lot.

And Head!Six wants him to take the baby.

Awwwwww Athena!!!!!! Her and Helo smiling down at the baby and so so so cute I love them they deserved better.

“Our little girl--we made her!” “Almost makes you want to believe in the Cylon god. …almost.” “I love you so completely.” So cuuuuuuuuuute.

“Why do you think they kept it from you?” “Is the wrong question.”

“She’s frakking with you. Can’t you see it?” “But why?” “Oh, it’s so perfectly obvious. You know, for a self-aware cybernetic lifeform, sometimes you can be unbearably obtuse.” “Oh, for God’s sake.” “Careful.” SUDDEN UNEXPECTED THREE. She does that a lot in this episode, doesn’t she XD

“I was hoping you’d see the light after talking to our friend here.” “She is lying, unfortunately. She has no wish to see Sharon cured. They’re just going to do it. They’re going to box her.”

And Boomer isn’t sure what Caprica’s playing at but she’s following her lead because Three is giving off Vibes. “What about now? I’ll help! The apartment’s right upstairs.” “Sure. Let me just get some things.”

And Sam’s ohshit face when there’s a Centurion in the garage.

Lot of classic cars down here, too.

But Sam distracted the Centurion before it could pull the cigarette and then it blew up before it could fire back. Yay!

“This is not a debate. This child will not be raised by the Cylon, and I cannot risk Cylon agents getting their hands on it. What I need from you is your help.” “Fine. I don’t like it, but have it your way.” And of course she already has a list of adoptive parents ready.

((So I 100% understand what Roslin is doing here and why. I also 100% understand why, in all the lists I’ve seen of her Best and Worst decisions, stealing the baby almost always tops the Worst list (attempting to steal the election sometimes beats it out.)))

And they do what they can for Caprica with what they have down here and offer a mercy kill so she can download because Pain but she refuses. “I’m not gonna give up on life again.”

Oh yeah that was. A Very Serious Break.

SAM BEING A CYLON MAKES THIS WHOLE THING EVEN BETTER BECAUSE WE’RE ALL CYLONS HERE.

…huh, Sam has to recognize Three, there are only so many skinjob faces, but he’s pretty chill? I wonder if some of his buried memories got shook loose by the concussion (and then immediately reburied by the second concussion XD)

“Humans don’t respect life the way we do.”

“I won’t let you kill him.” “She’s right. Don’t kill him.” “Why not?!” “Hm. Why not kill him? You’ve already killed billions of people. Do you honestly believe one more body is going to weigh any heavier on your conscience?” “…we should interrogate him. Find his accomplices.”

“She was on Caprica a couple of weeks ago.” TIMELINES MEAN NOTHIIIIIIIIING “She escaped with the help of another Sharon.” “If she gave him this, he meant something for her.” And Three tosses it aside with contempt, and it lands next to Caprica.

“You have it in your hand. Hard physical proof of one person’s love for another. If only felt this deeply about us.” “I did. …I do. I love you, Gaius.” “Where’s the tangible proof?”

Oh god the way Sharon is crying. “I should’ve been here.”

“I don’t kill patients.” And yeah Sharon is not hearing that right now and I cannot at all blame her. And based on the look on his face, neither can Cottle.

And that shot of Helo releasing the ashes into space, and Chief is with him, and  :(((((((((((((

Oh right this terrifying bit. Especially when lined up against all the Caprica and Head!Baltar stuff.

“You let them murder our child.” And he’s shaking. “I am so sorry. I tried.” “God’s will was that our child should survive.” And he’s crying. And she hauls him up. “His will was that you would protect her,” and then she slams him against the wall. “You have committed a monstrous and unforgiveable sin and you and your entire wretched race are going to suffer God’s vengeance.” And the fact that it is so quiet, other than when she throws him across the room, is. Is what makes it so much more terrifying. Because we’ve seen her rage loud before--like in the nuke scene--but this. Fuck.

Maya is such a sweetheart. And one of the few fully unproblematic people in this show XD

“The mother must remain anonymous for political and religious reasons.” And Roslin’s like “I’m gonna drop in occasionally” and Maya is just so happy to have a baby after she lost hers that she doesn’t realize that’s a little Weird.

“Thank you. I know how awful this was for you. But trust me, it was imperative. As far as the Cylons know, this child no longer exists. That is a good, good thing.” And Cottle on one level knows that, but on another level--he was the one who had to face Sharon and Helo’s grief.

“At least I’m not a murderer. I have a conscience. And I know the difference between right and wrong.” “A murderer is exactly what you are.”

“Life is short, but the next one’s not. Let your heart adrift, and your soul will get caught.” “I love you, Gaius. My heart and soul are yours.”

“You know why they wanted you to work with Sharon? So you’d lose your mind. They’re going to box you, darling, just like they’re going to box Sharon.” “…we’re dangerous. Sharon and I. we’re celebrities in a culture based on unity. Our voices count. More than hers. More than others. We’re two heroes of the Cylon, right? Two heroes with different perspective on the war? Perspective based on our love of two human beings? That’s why she wanted me to work with you. So you’d tell me that Gaius was still alive. She wanted me to lose my mind.” “You’re corrupted by your experiences. You’re a waste.”

And she took her eyes of Sam and he’s eyeing the gun.

“Believe the lies. Ignore the truth. Listen to me. I will show you the proof. Speak from your heart. Say the things that you know to be true.” “Jealousy, murder, vengeance--they’re all sins in the eyes of God. That’s what you and I know. That’s what they don’t want to hear.” “Because then they’d have to rethink what they’re doing. They’d have to consider that maybe the slaughter of mankind was a mistake!”

Debris shifts! And he goes for the gun!

“God loves me!” and then Caprica bashes her head in with a rock. “See you again soon!”

And they let Sam go. “You can stay and be tortured if you want. Your call.” And they give him the tags, the Tangible Proof. “…who are you? What kind of people are you?” “I don’t know.” And then Sharon gives him the gun!

“How long until she downloads?” “There were a lot of people in the café. At least 36 hours before they get to her. …long enough?” “For what?” “To change things for the better.” “What are you talking about?” “I have never loved anyone more in my life than I love you now.” “Our people need a new beginning. A new way to live in God’s love. Without hate. Without all the lies. All they need is for someone to show them the way. Someone like two heroes of the Cylons.” And she reaches out her hand. “I’m with you.”

I really wish this had Lasted. And I know that New Caprica crushes a lot of this optimism but.

“We found them! They’re alive!” “Yes, we are.” “We’re alive.” Echoing that thread ‘are you alive’ from way back in the miniseries--the first words in the show, I think.

I love this episode so much.

Lay Down Your Burdens 1:

Baltar gets the previously-on!

Hurray for debate prep (although nothing will ever beat Abbey cutting Bartlett’s tie in that one West Wing episode XD)

YAY WE’RE GOING BACK FOR SAM! Aka the part of this season finale I actually like lol

Damn losses of up to 20%.

“Everything will turn out as it should.” Not as reassuring as you think it is.

“What happens if the moderator doesn’t have a pencil?” “Then you’re pretty screwed.” Lol

And Athena is here to be an interface again! Slightly less Distressingly than the last time I hope.

“Don’t let your anger drive you into blasphemy, Gaius.” And then she pets him. And then she slams his face into the table.

“Ready?” “Yeah, just taking a little nap.” And the way he’s so casual about saying it. Man.

And Lee giving the people going on the rescue mission a pep talk

“We find any rock with food and water, I’ll build you a bar.” Lol.

“You okay?” “Can I go now?” Athena :(((((((((((

“I’m going to wipe the floor with you Gaius.” Yeeeeeeep she is.

And Helo checking in with Athena and :(((((( “don’t shut me out, not now.” “Something dark is coming, Helo. I can feel it. I can feel it lurking out there, waiting.” “What do you mean? Back on Caprica?” “No, not on the mission. Not any specific thing. It’s more like a dark time.”

And now there’s this bit. Fuck fuck fuck.

49,579!

CAVIL! God what an entertaining asshole.

“You thought you’d have an easier time with a priest than a real doctor, okay.”

“I pray to the gods every night, but I don’t think they listen to me.” “You know how useless prayer is? Chanting and singing and mucking about with old half-remembered lines of bad poetry. And you know what it gets you? Exactly nothing.” “……are you sure you’re a priest?” “I’ve been preaching longer than you’ve been sucking down oxygen.” LOL

“The problem is, you’re screwed up, heart and mind. Not the gods, not fate or the universe, you.” “Thanks for the pep talk.”

“I hope you find him, Kara. I really do.” “So do I.”

Yeah, he kind of is an empty suit when it comes to actual policy. Which is why Zarek is involved, because he thinks he can be the puppetmaster if he can just get Gaius through this election.

“You gotta keep hitting her on the religious thing.” “The mob isn’t usually in the habit of electing godless apostates who denigrate people of faith.” And Head!Six draping herself over Zarek XD it��s gotta be a special kind of fun, acting around someone else’s hallucination, especially when said hallucination is in your physical space like that lol

“I’m so assured right now, Tom, that I’m just going to sit back and wait for the hand of God to reach down and change my political fortunes. How about that.”

And Kara asks for a private talk with Adama to say thank you and goodbye. “Did I ever say thank you?” “No. then again, that would be a first, wouldn’t it.” “::laughs:: Thank you.” “Just come back in one piece. That’ll be thanks enough. Good hunting.” Awwwwww

Aww, Sharon. “I still can’t believe you talked me into this.” “It’s important. And I’ll be with you, there and back. It’s you and me from now on, no matter what. Just like we agreed.” “I know, I know. And I appreciate it, Helo. I really do. …I just can’t get her out of my head. Our little girl.” And the Marines are watching and yeaaaaah. Poor babies.

Yeah it is MUCH less disturbing when it’s like an IV and not an improvised whatever the fuck that was.

Oh, Racetrack. Who knows what went wrong but of course she found the Important Thing, she finds all the important things now that Boomer is gone.

“Mission rules say we keep going until we lose three, so we keep going. Racetrack will just have to find her way back to base. Hell of a way to start, though.”

“Were you having a nightmare when she woke you up?” “I don’t remember,” he lied, like a liar. “Oh. Been having any recurring dreams lately?” “No.” “Okay. That’s what we in the pray trade call a lie. And lies won’t get you anywhere.” Look Cavil isn’t quite on Zarek’s level of “and then there’s THIS asshole (affectionate);” mostly because while he is Very Entertaining/Funny, he’s not…well, he’s not Zarek. But at the same time XD

Yeah that is an Unsettling dream. “Every night it’s the same.” “For how long?” “A couple weeks?” “You were having the same dream when Cally woke you up, right?” “I don’t know. I don’t remember. …does it matter?”

“I don’t have a secret desire to kill myself.” “You’re right, it’s obvious. The question is, why?”

“Hey, you know what this is? It’s habitable.” Barely, but they don’t know that yet. “Maybe we’re not just a bunch of frakups after all.

Yay, Felix’s tattoo!

“Less than 20% of that place even supports human life, so--” “you’re not seeing the big picture. This is your new home. The place where you’ll start a new life. This is your future, Gaius.” “Oh, well, there’s a difference of opinion.” “What’s that?” “Oh, nothing, Tom.” lol Zarek is Not used to Baltar’s madness the way the others are.

Also, like…I can’t help but remember two years ago Head!Six promising Vengeance, and I know it’s not as simple as not listening to her, not with everything she is to him, buuuuuuuuuuuuut.

“You are a genius.” “And?” LOL “Pay attention. You’re about to win the election.” “…I’m sorry. What were you saying, Tom?”

“It may look dreary, it may be dreary, but it’s solid ground under your feet and a real sky above your head. You’d be surprised how much that means to people cooped up in metal boxes for nine months.” True, which is why this works. But.

LOL “He’s a smart sexy man like you.”

“Give up.” “What?” “Give up…on Earth?” “Yes.” “…it’s starting to look like a lovely little planet after all.”

“People vote their hopes, not their fears. Baltar’s offering them what they want to hear, and you’re offering them bitter reality.” Yep. Yep yep yep. I mean, that’s not 100% true, plus he’s actually kind of playing on both fear and hope (with the whole ‘this is a refuge because nebula’ aspect).

“Oh, for gods’ sake, Chief! You think you’re a Cylon!” “I’m not a Cylon.” “Of course you’re not. But that’s what you’re afraid of, that you might be a Cylon and not even know it. Just like Boomer. Right?” oh the Hilarious in Hindsight XD

“The truth is, you might [do a terrible thing]. But not because you’re a Cylon. Because you’re a human being, and human beings do terrible things all the time.” “But how do you know I’m human?” “Oh, well maybe because I’m a Cylon and I haven’t seen you at any of the meetings.” IT’S FUNNY CAUSE IT’S TRUE.

Aww, weirdly cute how Cavil is pointing out that the deck crew are Chief’s family. And also weirdly horrible. Because it’s Cavil saying it.

And the last jump taking them into atmosphere! “Be ready for wind shear, rain, storms--anything.”

Oh noooooooooo one raptor jumped right into a mountain. And when Helo realizes how they lost that one. Oh man.

And because he interrupted, Baltar gets the last word. Yay.

“Not your night, I guess.” “Why don’t you go frak yourself.” LOL

Sneaking through the pretty, pretty radioactive forest!

Oh, hey, using Helo’s actual name for like the third time in the series!

…man, winter must have been hell for Sam’s people.

YAY SAM

“Is there a Kara Thrace there?” “If there is, tell her she took her good sweet time getting here!”

Yaaaaaay hugs ^_^

“All right, just shut up and save us already.” Looooool I love them

Aaaaaand now we’re getting shot at/bombed/Something Not Good.

Ah, shelled. From between their current position and the raptors. Very Not Good.

Lay Down Your Burdens 2:

Starbuck gets the previously on! ((The subtitles are pretty consistently wrong on these))

Huh, for some reason I thought Gina was in more episodes than this? I mean I also thought that the election arc was longer so make of that what you will.

Yeah that bit in the previously-on was cut from the prior episode. So maybe Gina was in more episodes, but most of her scenes got cut.

Oh man and right from the previously-on into the credits I don’t think they usually do that???

49,550. Probably accounting for the raptor that jumped into a mountain.

Wow the flashy bits just. Right away show Cloud 9 getting blown up.

Lol Cottle, I love you.

This was also Never going to be a healthy relationship and just. Man.

“It was me. I may have been out of my mind and didn’t know where I was or what I was doing, but it was me.” Good on Chief for taking responsibility for what he did.

Aaaand then the shooting just. Stops. Which is Also disturbing.

Because like Sharon says, they want living prisoners. Yeaaaaaah.

And Helo’s face, hearing Starbuck offering Sam a suicide pact if that happens wow.

“He’s got the only issue people care about.” “That’s all anyone wants to talk about, this frakking planet. …excuse my language.”

“I know that settling on this planet will be a disaster for humanity and I will not say otherwise just to win an election.”

“There’s always a backup plan for victory.”

And after eighteen hours, no knockout gas lands on them. I do love timestamps, though!

“They could’ve overrun us any time during the night.” “They’re up to something.”

“Do the same thing we always do. Fight ‘em ‘til we can’t.” Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

And now we send out a recon crew to see what the frak is happening! Aaaaaand the Cylons are no longer there! “They just left.”

“Thank the gods! It’s a miracle.” HI PHILOSOPHER!CAVIL YOU ACTUALLY ARE “and then there’s this asshole (affectionate)”

And of Course he’s the priest Roslin was talking to (since his chapel’s on Galactica per The Plan it does make sense plus conservation of characters and Let’s Really Drive Home That We’re Introducing Another Cylon Here In The Most Intense Way XD)

Don’t be a dick, Gaius.

“The question of permanent settlement may be the most important question we’ve faced since the attacks.” “I agree.” “Good.” And then she wants to table the notion until after the election which yeah he was never going to agree to that. But it was worth a shot. Exhausting all other options before going for stealing the election.

(Also it’s what they actually should do but that’s neither here nor there.)

“This issue transcends personal disagreement as well as politics. I am appealing here to your sense of patriotism.”

…and it’s very telling that we don’t see Head!Six in this scene, despite it (I think?) being more his POV than Roslin’s. and that he took that pause before answering her.

And he’s already named it New Caprica, or someone did.

Ooooooh. “Were you with a blonde woman on Caprica just prior to the attack?” (And, again, that on its own is not actually damning but when you add it together with all the other Little Things, amplified by her personal hatred for him…yeaaaaah.)

And there’s Head!Six! “She knows.”

“She can see right through you. Get out of here now.”

And Ellen and Saul are Bickering as they so often do.

Oh, Chief shaved since last episode.

“Am I good or what?” “There’s gonna be no living with her now.” LOL

Awwww, that little nosewrinkle before Bill hugs her.

LOL that “I see” was very much “Dad sizing up his daughter’s new boyfriend” XDXDXD

And Chief’s face when he hears Philosopher!Cavil’s voice confirming the truce!

And Helo’s little glance at Athena; did she know and not say something.

“Well, this is an awkward moment. Yes, he’s right, I’m a Cylon. And I have a message. So, take me to your leader.” I LOVE PHILOSOPHER!CAVIL!

Aaaaand yeah, Athena gets taken to the brig too and Helo tries to claim she didn’t know but…yeah.

But then when Helo goes to talk to her. “Why the frak didn’t you say anything?” “I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t want to. Maybe I wanted him to come back and blow up the whole ship. Is that what you’re looking for?” “You don’t mean that. Sharon, we finally got the Admiral trusting us. Finally! And what?!” “They killed my baby. You think I care about you or us or whether the Admiral trusts me anymore?” and she’s not entirely telling the truth there, but she’s not entirely lying, either.

“Sharon I LOVE YOU and I am not giving up this frakking easy, not after everything!” and…I’m actually kind of okay with not seeing how they work back together/get married over the skipped year? Because they’re my babies and I want them to be happy. Only good things for the fighting Agathons.

LOL Sam. “You don’t have to get me drunk, I will sleep with you.”

But yeah that’s some mood whiplash, jumping from that scene with Helo and Athena to this one with Sam and Kara.

Sudden Unexpected Lee! Frakking Quadrangle of Why.

“Do you wanna meet my man?” “Your man?” “My personal property. Right, Sammy?” “Don’t call me Sammy.”

“Lee, when are you gonna get yourself a girl?” “I’m doing fine, thank you.” “You’re not still frakkin’ Dualla, are you?” and then he’s like “okay she’s at This stage of drunk and also the Awkward I’m just gonna bow out.” Also Sam gives her a little “really? Not cool” look, which I appreciate. He and Dee deserved so much better than the Quadrangle of Why.

“I mean, I’m not one to like lecture or anything, cause I’ll do anything to get into the pants of some hot little young thing--” “hey! Is that all I am to you?” “Yes, but you love it.” “It’s all right, I don’t mind doing charity work.” XD Okay I genuinely do love Sam and Kara and also Smoothie King is playing in my head again (one of the three best decisions I made for that Cylon ship mix a million years ago XD)

((the other two were ‘as long as you love me’ for helo and athena and ‘grace is gone’ for the tighs. …actually the ones I had for gina/baltar and tory/baltar were pretty good, too but not on the level of those three. …I’m pretty proud of that mix in general.))

And she does mutter something that I think is ‘you know you’re more than that to me.’ And then the door shuts and she’s like “where did he go?” and then Sex happens XD

“I’m here to deliver a message. After that, you can do whatever you want with me. I don’t care.” “Would you mind telling me what’s going on? I’m not a frakking Cylon! I’m not--oh. Well. Okay, then.” Still the best XD “Sorry to bust up your day, brother.”

And Fleet!Cavil deathglaring at Philosopher!Cavil because he’s Not Happy but then Immediately jumps in to dunk on humanity. “You see, we’re not like you. We can admit our mistakes and we’re not afraid of change.”

“So you abandoned the Colonies, leaving behind a devastated nuclear wasteland.” “And we’re supposed to be grateful.”

“We became what we beheld. We became you.” “People should be true to who and what we are. We’re machines. We should be true to that. Be the best machines the world has ever seen. But we got it into our heads that we were the children of humanity. So instead of pursuing our own destiny, of trying to find our own path to enlightenment, we hijacked yours.”

“My mission is to tell you that you’ve been given a reprieve. Cylon and man will go their separate ways. No harm done.” “………..no harm.” Yeaaaaaaaaah.

“Supernatural divinities are the primitive’s answer for why the sun goes down at night. At least that’s what we’ve been telling the others for years. Can’t really prove it one way or another, of course.” “I know a way to prove it. Throw them both out the airlock, let them see if there really is a Cylon god.”

It is really interesting, watching Fleet!Cavil take cues from Philosopher!Cavil here. Also the way Fleet!Cavil was watching Tigh through not-insignificant chunks of that conversation, I think especially on the ‘children of humanity’ line? Let me rewind to check. …hard to tell, actually, if he’s looking at Adama or Tigh. Oh, well.

Oh, hey, the Demetrius is listed on the board of ships for the vote tally! Neat!

That’s a nice little procedural blip, with Zarek questioning the military having a role in counting the votes. And one of the cases where I think he’s fully genuine, and not making a Good Point but for Such Self-Serving Reasons that he undercuts it.

Okay, 21,569 for Baltar, 17,754 for Roslin.

And now Tory sends the signal to steal the election. “There are only five ships left to report in. we need to move now.” And Tigh as her co-conspirator! And also Dee.

And the stolen votes are from the Zephyr! Which is I think where the Quorum is, or was a few episodes ago. And also comes up again with Hughes at the end of S3.

Except now they’re saying this is the last one?

24,265 for Roslin, 22,366 for Baltar. But it will be double-checked.

“I’ve seen a lot of elections, Gaius. Most honest, a few fixed. And you can always tell the fixed ones because they don’t make sense. And this doesn’t make sense.” “Laura Roslin is many things. But she’s not corrupt. And she’s not dishonest. It’s over.” And again we get one of Gaius’s Genuine moments here.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but are you as shocked as I am?” “I’m relieved.” “Well, you don’t sound it.” “I’m just tired. It’s been a long campaign.”

Aaaaaaand Gaeta figures it out because he is a Good Bean.

I wonder how they misspelled Gaius. Probably either dropped a letter or doubled one XD

“Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ll take care of it from here.” And Gaeta’s like “okay but we have to let the observers and the press--” “I said I’ll take care of it from here.”

Aaaaand Gaeta’s onto Tigh specifically and immediately goes over Tigh’s head and calls Adama. “I’m not sure how to say this.” “Fast and straight, I’d advise.” “Yes, sir. Admiral, I believe that Colonel Tigh is involved in a conspiracy to rig the election for President Roslin.”

And Bill first talks to Tigh, then goes to Roslin. “I agreed [that Baltar as president would be a disaster] but.” And Roslin admits it. “I gave Tory the go-ahead. I didn’t know exactly what she was planning, and I certainly didn’t know about Colonel Tigh. But I did know that she was planning to fix the vote.” “You tried to steal an election?” “Yes, I did. And I got caught. But Gaius Baltar cannot become President of the Colonies, Bill. It cannot happen.” “Laura…I don’t want him as President either, but…” “He’s working with the Cylons. I saw him just before the attack on Caprica with a copy of the tall blonde Cylon woman, the same model who accused him of treason before disappearing from Galactica.” “What the hell are you saying? Why didn’t you say something before this?” “Because I didn’t remember seeing him with that woman until I remembered it when I was dying. I know how that sounds, but it’s real. The same way Kobol is real, and the tomb of Athena is real, and the map to Earth is real. Baltar is working with the Cylons.” “Even if that’s true, we have no proof.” “No, I don’t.” “…do we steal the results of a democratic election or not? That’s the decision. Because if we do this, we’re criminals. Unindicted, maybe, but criminals just the same.” “Yes, we are.” “You won’t do it. You’ve gone this far, but that’s it.” “Excuse me?” “You try to steal this election, you’ll die inside. The people made their choice. We’re gonna have to live with it.” “It’s the wrong choice.” “Yes, it is.” “…all right.”

I don’t really have much to add to that transcription but. Man. Man oh man oh man.

And Baltar is like “….what the hell kind of error.” “I suggest you take your victory and leave it at that.” And he will. Because whatever else he is, he does know that things need to Function and if he’s in an open fight with Bill they Will Not. “…I can be magnanimous.”

“Let’s get a good look at our new home. Gods help us all.”

And this conversation with Gina. “I’m not going to New Caprica.” “What? What are you talking about?” “I’m not going to New Caprica.” “We’re all going to New Caprica. All of us. It’s our chance to be together. To be together again.” “No.” “…I can’t do this anymore.” “…stay?”

This is. Such a sad and uncomfortable moment. Because she knows what she’s about to do, and she’s giving him this before she does even though she doesn’t want to, and he wants her to be Caprica and while he knows on some level she isn’t and ohhhhhhh that shot of her walking out of the frame echoes one from Head!Six earlier and oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. And that shot of her reaching for his hand and him taking it also echoes some stuff on Kobol and this is so fucked up.

And Some Other Priest swears Baltar in. And it’s cut together with him and Gina and and and and.

And then Gina with the bomb as he’s Actually being sworn in and giving the order to settle New Caprica.

And her sitting naked in front of the nuke.

Oh shit Cloud Nine takes out at least one other ship when it goes I had forgotten that. Holy shit.

“We suspect the warhead was stolen from your lab, then smuggled aboard Cloud 9 by a Cylon agent.” And Bill suggests they focus on internal security. “No. our first priority is to see that people are safely established on New Caprica. Once that’s accomplished, we can put this tragedy behind us.” “You’re not listening.” “I don’t have to listen. I’m the President.”

And that shot of him Alone at the desk. That very long shot as he’s starting to break down.

One year later!

Okay so there might be another legislature besides the Quorum? Whatever the People’s Council might be.

Lol the painting.

People complain because they’re safe now. They have room in their minds and time on their hands to focus on these (seemingly and not actually in some cases) petty issues.

Yeaaaaah he’s spent the whole year high. (which I headcanon as him trying to keep Head!Six at bay.)

Okay, day 380 of the settlement. And all those shots of empty rooms/halls on Galactica because most people have settled.

Aaaaaaand I’m sorry I know that Very Serious Shit is about to happen but the MOUSTACHE XDXDXDXD

“I feel like I’m abandoning my post.” Aw, Tigh. “It’s time to pack it in, Saul. You know it. More than half the crew is down there on the ground already. We can barely put a squadron in the air to train, much less fly a CAP.” “You’re staying. “Someone has to take care of the lighthouse.”

“We’ve been orbiting New Caprica longer than we were running after the attack. I don’t think they’re coming back anymore. Colonel, if she gives you too much trouble…find yourself a younger one.” I do love them being Bros. We haven’t seen enough of that lately.

39,192 people on New Caprica/in the settlement.

And Sam is playing sportsball despite being very sick. And the wedding tattoo!!!

“Can’t believe I married a moron. Are you okay?”

And Cottle’s been out of antibiotics for months. “But he’s young and he’s strong. Make him rest, keep him warm. With a little luck, he’ll make it.”

And Saul and Ellen wander into the Union rally and Cally is VERY pregnant.

Chief is adorable with glasses.

Awwwww, look how happy Saul and Kara are to see each other! There are HUGS!!!!!

And Pegasus is sitting on the backup meds, so Kara has to go to Apollo. “He’d spring some for you.” “Yeah, I doubt that.” “That was a long time ago. People change.”

Yay school! I know someone did the math and there are actually not a whole lot of kids in the fleet, which…well, given Black Market is probably Good. (based on the final election tallies and total population at the time, with an assumed 18 voting age)

Hi Hera!

And Dee got promoted!

“I need a favor.” “Is that right.” “Yeaaaaah Lee is still pissed at her. And…yeah, I can’t…quite blame him.

And then the conversation is interrupted by Dee picking up something on DRADIS and yeeeeep the Cylons have found them.

“We have to get out of here.” “We can’t just leave them all behind. They’ll be wiped out.” “We don’t have a choice. We need to leave, now.” And Helo is doing what Gaeta used to do. “All decks finally report Condition 1, sir. Should we launch the alert fighters?” “…no. begin jump prep. We’re leaving. But we’ll be back.”

“The Cylons just jumped into orbit. And the Fleet’s jumped away.” And he listens to the noise and watches things rattle and suddenly Head!Six is back in that godawful silver dress. “Judgment day.”

Hi Leoben! Why are you creepy.

((…have we seen Any other Twos this season until now??? I don’t think we have. Even in Downloaded, we just saw Threes, Fives, Sixes, and Eights…))

And the door lighting up and this moment Almost echoes that first shot of Corinne, except no centurions. A Five, an Eight (Boomer?) and then Caprica.

And...I think maybe he Knows it’s her, there’s that little Flicker. And then he stands up. “I’m Gaius Baltar, President of the Colonies.” “I know who you are Gaius. I know very well.” ...well if he didn’t know before, he does now. “As long as you offer no resistance, you won’t be harmed.” And he looks over at Gaeta. “How do I know that?” “You don’t. You also don’t have any choice.” “…how did you find us?” Stalling. “It was quite by accident, actually. We were over a light-year away from here when we detected the radiation of a nuclear detonation.” And he realizes. He realizes what he’s done, unintentionally, all over again. (although this time he really should’ve known better, given past experience and also this time it was a nuke).

“Very well. On behalf of the people of the Twelve Colonies, I surrender.”

And like…at this point, he really doesn’t have any other option. What else could he do? If he refuses, best-case scenario, he gets shot and they move on down the chain of command until they find a President who will surrender (or lose patience and nuke the planet from orbit). Worst-case scenario, they skip all that, pull back, and jump straight to nukes. Surrender really is the only option.

It’s…everything he does after this that’s a Problem.

“What do you want to do now, Captain?” “Same thing we always do. Fight ‘em ‘til we can’t.” Yessssssssssss. And we end the season with that closeup on Kara’s face and just. Yes. I love it.

The Plan:

I do love the Prelude Words being spoken by various Cylons. It was…only Tigh of the Final Five, and nothing from Three (because Lucy Lawless is playing Dame Not Appearing In This Film), and I don’t think any Fives were involved (not sure why, they Are in this movie)? But the rest of the Significant Seven and also the basestar Hybrid.

“I figured out what went wrong.” “Well, that’s a useful revelation to have when you’re standing in front of an airlock!” “Every killing of a human being was a grievous error. Do you want to know why?” “I really don’t.” I love Philosopher!Cavil and Fleet!Cavil bickering. (especially given how this ends with them)

Okay, ten months ago was two weeks before the attack which…yeah, that lines up with the Somewhere Between 280 and 290 from Lay Down Your Burdens 2.

Yesssssss loving the All Along The Watchtower music.

“When they resurrect they’ll return with apologies dripping from their lips like jewels.” “Yes, be prepared for some very sticky hugs.” LOL

Okay. So. 14 hours is that one conversation from the miniseries. “No you did it because you love me.” That still gets me, and especially since this aired after the Daybreak flashbacks provide some additional context…

“0700 tomorrow Caprica City time.” Relevant to me for secret fic purposes XD

“I recommend you leave this body behind. The alternative won’t make for a pleasant memory. Oh, and I hear that poison is really not that bad.” But she wants those last moments with Gaius, and to tell him the truth. brain, stop, we rejected that AU where she comes clean several months earlier do not resurrect it

“Love outlasts death. Apotheosis was the beginning before the beginning. The flower inside the fruit that is both its parent and its child. Jump.” Gotta love Hybrid babble! And how cool and calm she is until she gets to ‘jump’

Yeah, this is not an airport bar, Ellen. It is possibly a strip club.

Cavil can you tone down the Oedipus complex please.

“So you don’t have a name?” “I…am a mysterious stranger.” “Oooooh.”

“Everyone hold onto the lap bar, please.”

lock s-foils in attack position sorry wrong fandom XD

Oh, hey, the bartenders are topless, neat.

“Well I’ve lived in this world a long time, and I’m proud to say I haven’t learned any gods-damned lessons!” oh, Ellen. XD

And there’s Barolay with her Very Red hair!

“What you gonna do now, Sam?” “Shoot ‘til I can’t, Coach.” Niiiiiiice, especially lined up with Kara’s Line.

Oh shit watching the attack from the ground is. Oh shit. Seeing the bombs dropping.

…yeah, I think the walls around Anders’ memories are thinnest. “This has happened before.”

And that very very slight smile from Caprica!Simon.

YAY FLEET!SIMON!!!!

And there’s Shelly!

“The farms of Aerilon are burning. The beaches of Canceron are burning. The plains of Leonis are burning. The jungles of Scorpia are burning. The pastures of Tauron are burning. The harbors of Picon are burning. The cities of Caprica are burning. The oceans of Aquaria are burning. The courthouses of Libran are burning. The forests of Virgon are burning. The temples of Gemenon are burning.”

And that dispassionate list over the Centurions executing survivors and the transition shot of Caprica City whole and then ruined and the Gemenon one and I think Libran and then the burned bodies…before panning up to the mushroom cloud and. Shiiiit. They uh. They did Not pull punches with this one.

((….also they’re missing one who are they missing ::googles the zodiac:: SAGGITARON.))

“If anyone can still hear me--are we on? I’m gonna keep broadcasting as long as I can. It keeps getting close--”

…also did Tory only join Roslin’s staff for the campaign or had she been there for a while before? Interesting question.

And then the team Panicking and Sam trying to keep them together. “We can’t lose our heads. We gotta find somewhere we can get some frakking perspective. We go anywhere, we go together, and we go when it’s safe.”

And Tory crawling out of her wrecked car and then panning out to show the devastation and some kind of SAR plane landing behind her.

((…I am a little Questions on the timeline here? Mostly in terms of…exactly how long does all this take? Long enough for at least a Couple of planes to get off the ground and meet up with the fleet…eh, I guess this part can be handwaved, it takes as long as it needs to to get various characters into position.))

Oh, wait, Ellen is also leaking. “This has happened before. Oh, gods. Am I gonna die?” “No, your suffering isn’t over yet. Not when you’ve got so much left to learn.”

Oooh, that’s a dead/damaged Centurion, so either instability/debris or people Are fighting back right from the start.

And then the raider taking off Right by the bridge they’re peering over.

“What do you want to do, Coach?” “I don’t know. What do you think?” “I don’t know. ::realizes everyone is looking at him:: …we can’t stay here. We gotta go. Stay low, stay fast, let’s go!”

Gianna!

And now jumping ahead to the note that got passed to Bill. And the way it cuts to that shot of Baltar in CIC implies that he’s the one that left it [which mostly matters for TOB purposes because…that would mean that they have No Idea how many models there actually are]

And while Ellen is barely conscious, she just asks for Saul.

“Of the five who created the rest of us, four are in this fleet. Does it seem cruel, keeping you alive? It is cruel, who am I kidding? But it’s also necessary. For 30 years you failed to observe the moral failures of humanity, against whom you find me lacking. Get better, Mother. Open your eyes and take a gander at what you think you love.”

Oh, hey, they’re already at the school! And Sam’s already pulling together plans from movies, and has gathered More People who can Make Things Go Boom.

“There’s a real possibility we’re all gonna die here. So I say it all comes down to how we die.”

And we’re at 8 days! Gathering photos.

“They’re awfully quiet.” “They’re numb. They’ve lost everything and now we’re putting them through the wringer just trying to get away.” And Tigh bumps into Cavil without recognizing him.

VERA! And that Smile when she and Cavil recognize each other, and he catches a glimpse of Fleet!Simon in the background.

Huh, his fliers don’t have the corners cut off XD

((Vera is my name for Tough!Six/Hooker!Six/Punk-Rock!Six/whatever the cool kids are calling her these days XD))

“The plan is, everything blows up a week ago. All the humans are dead and we Cylons all download and the universe basks in justice. However--” “That didn’t frakking happen.”

And Vera’s like “let’s cut to the chase and blow up Galactica.” And Shelly’s like “also need to protect ourselves from detection.” “Very good, Sixes,” Cavil says. And he says there’s a sleeper Eight. “Now, Two, you come with me. Let’s get this genocide started.”

Ohhhhhhh broken-open Raider wing is. Disconcerting. With all the squishy bits showing. Yikes.

And Leoben gets put on figuring out communications--both with a basestar next time one’s in range and listening in on the human military. “And send in a Six. Dealer’s choice.”

Explosives in a pyramid ball! It is indeed clever. “Like a homemade grenade.”

“If we destroyed it, he’d just make another.” “Which is why we have to discredit him.” “Me? Well, if he sees one of us, he’ll know what we are. …but he can’t say anything without saying how he knows.” “Very smart. Or maybe it’s the glasses.”

…so the question here is: why not just kill him? I mean, I guess Cavil tries that with the Five…and I guess discrediting increases Paranoia in the upper ranks more than a targeted assassination would, which is good for Cavil’s purposes.

Aaaaand one of Sam’s people accidentally moves and draws the Centurion’s attention and this. This is gonna go bad. With the Coach making a suicide play to get the improvised bomb into the bunker thing

And then there’s a Raider! Just what we needed. And this was Sam’s plan and at least four or five of his people died.

“I can’t understand how he was discovered. I heard it was Doctor Baltar.” “I’m not talking about that, exactly. I’m talking about how you’re walking around in this fleet wearing that jacket, and--more importantly--that face. You’re recognizable.” “No, his jacket was burgundy. This is teal.” LOL.

“They call this a suicide vest, but I think that undersells all the homicide that goes along with it, don’t you?” why are you this funny Cavil.

“Even robots take their dead.” “There was nothing--” “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.” Poor Sam. Poor Barolay. Poor all of them.

And Leoben in his little hideaway listening to the wireless and developing an Obsession.

Elephant!

And then he gets distracted by the kid. “This is a chapel not a bus station. You can’t sleep here.”

Aww, Chief bonding with his new knuckledragger!

As she gets confronted with the Reality of their equipment situation. “There are no spares.” “Welcome to Galactica.”

“Did you need to see me for something, Lieutenant?” “No, I…um…carry on, Chief.” “So, how long have you two been seeing each other?” LOL

And this is not like an office romance in your old job because Chain of Command and other Fraternization Rule issues but still cute.

…how does Cavil get in and out of Boomer’s quarters so easily? I can’t see him like bribing or charming someone into giving her the elephant the way he did with the fliers, just because that’s a little Too likely to bite him in the ass.

And then this flashback to Boomer being put under!!! I read somewhere that the costume this particular Six is wearing is labeled in some source somewhere as Gina’s? Which like…that is Very Flimsy Ground but maybe??? Based on what we see in Razor, she seems to have had a job that involved short-term contracts, which would have put her in a good position to monitor/handle sleepers like Boomer, and yeah occasionally she might have a few weeks where there’s no agent for her to contact But. …yeah IDEK like I said that’s in no way Actually Indicating that this particular Six is Gina But.

“And after you download, make sure to report our position to the fleet.” “Wait I’m…my cover is stronger than expected.” And she admits to the relationship with Chief and Cavil is like “…that’s an Interesting Choice”

“Go get some explosives, blow up the tank, and then have a fatal accident. Right now, I’m late for dinner.”

Rick Worthy’s voice is I Love It So Much.

Sudden Unexpected Cavil! And Simon is like “fffffffuck.”

“Is this your family? Hm?” Ominous. “Stop by sometime. And remember, I know where you live.” VERY OMINOUS.

Right, a bunch of Fives dealing with Bodies. “I never knew this would be so hot and dirty. The smell is…” “I know. Centurions should be doing this.” Lol at the bitchy Fives.

((quick thinking on the part of Philosopher!Cavil but I can’t help but think that if there had been Anyone with Any kind of intelligence/espionage background here it would Not have worked…))

Oh man and Barolay just starts crying. “They’re all alike. T, they gotta be Cylons.” “Frakkers look like us now.”

And Boomer relating how she almost fell apart setting the charges. “We shouldn’t need to breathe,” Cavil mutters. And then Boomer’s like “there are so few of them…they’re not a real threat.” “They are manifestly a threat. You of all Cylons should know that.” And then he tells her to get out of the wet clothes which, Gross. “Fine. Be a prude.” Gross, Cavil. I know that generally Eights are quite comfortable with casual nudity but you’re still being Gross.

And he takes the elephant and she wakes up at the beginning of the Actual episode.

As the Caprica resistance kills a bunch of Fives which is probably Very cathartic for them.

Yep, now there’s Cheering. Which just reminds me of that one bit when Athena knocks out the raiders and the viper pilots just Go To Town.

Okay, explosion was 17 days after the attack.

And Leoben realizes his face is known and goes Deeper into hiding. Living in the walls of his ship, wedged behind a container.

And at some point the resistance got Trucks!

And Simon is very smooth to cover the recognition but Philosopher!Cavil has a moment.

“Four, you’re late.” “It was hard to get away.” “Tell me. Are you reluctant to do more for your people?” “Like what?” “I’m just asking a general question.” “This is all improv, isn’t it?” “Our people were supposed to be positioned to cause destruction, not mop up afterwards! My Two was the Defense Minister’s yoga instructor!” ((which remains Hilarious to me also love how Consistent this government is with minister vs. secretary for cabinet-level positions lol)). “And one of the Sixes was a prostitute! And the only one who was in any position to do any real damage was a Five on this ship, and he frakked it up!!!” Cavil is so mad.

“And don’t you think for a moment that I’m going to be moved by the sweet, adorable fact that you married one of them! You come back tomorrow, and we’ll talk about you blowing up that ship you live on.”

And we’re up to 24 days with Six Degrees!

And Leoben is painting mandalas in his little hideaway, listening to his recordings of Starbuck. Because that’s not creepy at all.

“I think I’m losing it.” Poor Boomer. “Someone wrote ‘cylon’ on my mirror. And I think it was me. I think I was trying to warn myself. Or scare myself into doing what you want. Or out of it.”

“All mankind are our fathers, and that’s the sin for which they deserve to die.” “…I’m happier when I’m under. I’m happier when I’m human. I like myself. I love myself then.” Poor, poor Boomer. “Never say that. Never, never, never. Because if that were true, they win. And they can’t. Look at me. They know your lies. I know you. You can do this. You can kill Adama. For me.” And then there’s a Kiss which was SUPER NECESSARY AND NOT SQUICKY AT ALL.

((protip: if you are handling an undercover agent you should MAYBE NOT MAKE A PASS AT THEM))

Ah, yes. I have to go back through the Slightly Less Awkward But Still Uncomfortable bathroom conversation from Six Degrees again. Yay. …and she is kind of drawn to him because he is just. Catnip for Sixes, I guess.

“I don’t care if she plucked puppies from God’s ass! You’re worse than the Sixes!” LOOOOOOOOOOOOL. And then Cavil bugs out while Leoben is arrested.

And we get Vera covering Shelly’s escape while Cavil yoinks her into an alcove.

Ah yes, this moment where Baltar is like “…I could kiss you but you have a Massive Crush and I don’t want to send the wrong message.”

((…damn it, I think this is an edited version, because there’s a line in there with Simon covering D’Anna’s absence, and also the Pointedly Co-Ed Head With Full-Frontal Nudity. …also I think the bartender back on Picon was blurred out. Ugh. Well, when I get back to the DVDs, I have the full version there.))

“Is Baltar’s machine on the trash heap?” “I did what I could. I don’t know.” “Trying to make a guilty man look guilty. This should be easy.” “We had to fake the evidence! And Dr. Baltar, he helped us so much…” “Are you attracted to this human?” “No!” Because that other Six, she got addicted to him!” “I’m not addicted! He’s a brilliant man! But you should’ve seen me! I was brutal with him! I pushed him!” “My dear, if you had pushed him, you would have sent him through a wall! Oh, look. An airlock. How handy.” “Wait! I could blend into life on another ship, with another disguise!” “Go. And don’t forget to give them our coordinates. I want this finished!” I do kinda feel bad for Shelly.

25 days has Kara interrogating Leoben!

And the implication that when he’s choking her he gets flashes of their Future Encounters…Interesting. ((which means he probably should be marked down as Force-sensitive for crossover purposes.))

And the kid is back in the chapel. But this time Cavil doesn’t immediately kick him out. “So you have parents. Do they want you?” “No.” “Well, two decks below, there’s a room, and there’s people in that room that are in charge of the children that nobody wants. All right, don’t go there. But go somewhere.”

“Is he dead?” “If he’s not dead, he’s dying.” “Thus is the beast decapitated.” “Which inspired you to come and tell me…” “I’ll do it, okay? I’ll blow up my ship. I’ll blow up the Cybele.” “Good.” “One condition. I want my family kept safe.” “No, you don’t want that. You see, if they die now, they die without ever knowing what you are.” Ouch.

“That was the Four. Oh, and Boomer shot the Commander. Things are looking up.” This is. Weirdly almost cute? Them just settling together. “It could hardly go down. The Six failed, the Two failed…” “Every machine needs to warm up. We’re a fleet-killing machine. We just started to hum.” “We just started to hum?” And now handjobs are happening because Sure Why Not XD

52 days, Bill is still out, Cavil goes to see Boomer in prison.

“You shot him, but you didn’t kill him. You didn’t kill him, and things were finally going well!” “I shot him twice in the chest, what more do you want?” “How about once in the head?!” “I told you, I’m not in control. The only way that I could get this done was to turn myself into a Centurion. I could feel the bullets moving through the channels under my hard metal skin. I couldn’t feel my heartbeat.” “Sounds wonderful.” “If there was any part of us that’s human, in that moment I killed that.” “Yes, good, that’s the idea. Now listen, Eight, I need you. And I need to break a string of failures.” “I lost the best part of myself.” “Yes. All right. I see how this is. Goodbye, Eight, and good luck.” And he takes the elephant away. “…I don’t want a priest.” “And you deserve no absolution.”

And Philosopher!Cavil of course claims Helo and Starbuck are skinjobs. “I can’t be sure, though, my memory…”

“Who is it?” “Some random humans. Each side is going to suspect the other. I wish I could watch.”

“Hi.” Very sexy of you, Starbuck.

“So somebody might get shot. Great. You were the one telling me how swift and terrible this was going to be.” I gotta say, I’m a fan of role-reversals in a lot of contexts and this one with the Fleet copies of One and Four and the Caprica copies is definitely hitting the spot. “It’s been two months since those bombs fell, and you’re helping a resistance cell thrive here.” Which does also kind of imply that there are Additional pockets of resistance elsewhere? They…probably died out after the Cylons left. Too small, too isolated, too much radiation…man :(

And Simon wiring the airlock to kill himself cut together with him having very sweet sex with Giana :((((((

And I love this music behind all of it!!!

“I’m sorry,” he tells her. “I really am sorry.” And he holds a picture of her and his stepdaughter, “I love you,” he says, as he sends himself out the airlock.

YES THIS BIT!

“You want a progress report? I’ll give you a frakking progress report. Come on, it is spectacular! Doral blew himself up, causing minor damage to a minor hallway. And Boomer jettisoned the water, and then she personally found loads more water! And then she shot Adama, but not very accurately since she loved him. And then Leoben, he got obsessed with Kara Thrace, and then was captured and airlocked. And my sister Six utterly failed to discredit Baltar and his dreamy hair and destroyed our frakking cover in the process. And now Simon…Simon killed himself. Really killed himself, out of resurrection range, without blowing up the ship that he lived on because he couldn’t imagine life without his little human wife and his little human daughter because he loves them.” “Stop, stop, stop.” “Yeah, I guess I better.” “They’re all letting me down.” “Why are they letting you down, One? What’s the X factor? You can’t declare war on love.” “I think I already did. …hey, where’d the bottle go?”

As she glides out of his room in her underwear and a vest/hoodie and some very cute heels, never to be seen again XD

AND THEN THIS BIT

“I thought he was supposed to kill her in the woods.” “He’s a bad shot. Did she see you?” “No, I stayed out of sight.” “Good. She got a glimpse of me, but she didn’t react. So if there’s a One up in that fleet, she didn’t see him. At least not enough to ring a bell in her tiny brain.” Rude.

“What are they doing?” “You need a doctor to tell you that.” “Oh, for God’s sake. Why?!” “Why? He loves her.” “He loves her.” “Vigorously.” “She’s beneath him.” “…not necessarily.” Love it love it love it XD

And this time Cavil feeds the kid instead of just kicking him out.

“Seems like I never sleep anymore.” Poor Sam. “If you’re looking for a strong leader, you picked a bad time. …bless me, Brother, for I have acted against the example of the gods.” “…proceed, in the name of the gods.” And Sam confesses that he wanted to run after that other fight. “But you changed your mind.” “Well, no. Barolay was there, and she was gonna see me run. And suddenly I find myself worrying about my own frakking reputation. So I didn’t run. And that’s my confession. I’m a godsdamned coward, Brother.” “Well, I suppose you were. But what about now?” “I’m not gonna run anymore. Maybe I’m stronger or maybe I’m just more insane.” “This whole experience has changed you for the better. You’ve learned.” “You know, at the end of a confession, sometimes there’s an ending, or…” “Fine. You are absolved in the example of the gods.” And then Philosopher!Cavil asks the big question--can Sam forgive the Cylons. And Sam’s like are you nuts.

“What was that?” Four asks. “I thought he’d learned. But he loves.” “…what are you really doing here? What does this man mean to you?”

And we jump ahead to 280 days and Chief and Cavil talking! ((and yeah, this is Definitely missing some stuff because I Know there’s a moment added when they rescue Starbuck from the Farm where they send someone back to kill their Simon.))

But we’re cutting back to this scene with Giana and Chief talking, about her realizing that her husband was a Cylon. …I think there was another scene with her, too, after his suicide? …I’ll watch the full version later. Probably won’t update these notes but I’m Annoyed now, haha.)) Anyway that bit must have happened Not Long after Starbuck got back…although having Just Watched It, him walking across the deck to talk to her does echo the opening of his Recurring Dream except with more people around. Or at least it’s Clearly intended to evoke that. Sooooo…yeah IDK.

“My husband…only not. He was a Cylon. I thought he loved me. Gods.” “…maybe he did. I don’t know.” “Someone made him do it. Don’t you think? I mean, they keep finding more of them, and they must have been in contact. Someone is making decisions.” “You think that somebody told them what to do. Ordered them.” “I think Simon was told to do something, and instead he killed himself.” “…Boomer was a better shot than that.” “What?” “When she shot the old man. She was a better shot than that. It’s like she frakked it up on purpose, knowing that the marines would take her head off right then and there, knowing that it was…the only way out she could see.” “So maybe they were heroes, you know? In a way.” “I don’t know about that. Maybe.” “If I thought I was a Cylon, I’d climb this ladder all the way up there. I’d do it with style. I’d swan-dive out of this life.” And then he leans in to kiss her because So Many Confused Feelings and they have a Very Key Thing in common, and... “Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that.” “I know.”

Oh man and the way she clutches the clipping to her chest and continues to cry.

Maybe that conversation started the nightmares? He said he’d been having them for weeks. And the timeline of S2 is a Mess, so…

And this is new. “I’ve [trusted people] and they all let me down. Every single one. Every single one. So yeah, it should scare the frak out of you. But good luck to you.” And then he leaves.

“There’s hardly anyone left for you to lean on. But you can lean on me.” “You know, the day before I met Kara, I had 98 people. I loved those people.” “But you didn’t need them. And they’re dead. Do you mean to tell me that you go on loving them even when they’re dead?” “What are you talking about? Of course I love those people! Death doesn’t change that, what’s the matter with you?!” And then they’ve sighted the rescue party and Philosopher!Cavil is Thinking.

Ohhhhh and now there’s this creepy-ass scene. The kid comes and offers Cavil an apple. “What’s your name?” “John.” “We’ve become friends, huh? Friends are dangerous things.” And then just that quick, quiet stab, and the kid gasps…

And it’s all cut together with Philosopher!Cavil aiming at Starbuck and Considering it, but unable to pull the trigger. Even after he has a clear shot and Sam’s out of the way. And then he aims at Sam, back at Kara, and he Thinks. And chooses not to shoot.

Oh and the way Cavil just. Shoves the kid off the bed.

“Get the frak out of the way.” Rude.

“Why the cease-fire?” “There’s been a vote. There’s going to be a truce. We just need to convey it to the humans. All of them.” “I can deliver that message.” “Your model voted against it.” “I’ve had a new insight. Besides, there’s nothing for me here.”

And that moment when Fleet!Cavil first sees Philosopher!Cavil is STILL HILARIOUS AND I LOVE IT.

Yeah this version is definitely cutting it to show Philosopher!Cavil Frequently looking at Tigh. And putting a little more emphasis on Tigh in general.

…including cutting Roslin’s part of that scene and having Tigh decide to airlock them both which I don’t know how I feel about that lol. ((I’m guessing it had something to do with money or contracts and Rules for how use of archive footage is handled in things like this? Can’t cut the stuff with Helo or Baltar or Kara and there’s a Lot of them without them Actually being in the thing outside of that but))

And we walk past All of the Final Five on the way to the airlock because Of Course!

And we’re back where we started!

((…it occurs to me that. There is possibly going to be a Slight Bias against identical twins for a while in this culture. Which…well idk how much I want to play with that worldbuilding but…yeah.))

I do love Philosohper!Cavil keeping his hat to make Sure we can tell them apart XD

“Is there a resurrection ship in range?” “Yes, brother, but first we’re going to die in a vacuum.” “There’s a 170 foot launch tube ahead of us. We might die of our injuries before we get to the vacuum.” “…I don’t like you.” “I understand that.” “Do you really believe it was a mistake to attack the humans?” “Rather intensely, yes.” “You know that when we download among the others, your strange ideas will be shouted down.” “Ideas only seem strange until you try them on, brother.” I love that line so much. “We had a temper tantrum in the form of a cataclysm because we wanted them to treasure us, the Ones, more than humanity. More than their own history and blood.” …and also the Rest of that line but that bit about ideas is just. Amazing. “We didn’t want to be loved. We wanted to be treated fairly.” “We wanted to be held to a bosom, to be petted and perfumed and told we were the princes of the universe.” “Yes, well, if the humans were gone…” “Our parents would mourn them. They’d love them more anyway.” “I’m going to see to it that you get boxed. And then I’m going to prepare to wipe out humanity once and for all.” “…the anticipation is…really unpleasant.” “Yes.” And then Philosopher!Cavil holds out his hand and Fleet!Cavil takes it and they die holding hands and Feelings.

As Cavil’s “I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws and feel the solar wind of a supernova flowing over me!” line plays over their death.

So I really like this a lot??? I know it’s basically missing/added scenes, But they are Really Good Ones for the most part?? Also showing a One and a Four who did actually learn and grow the way other models are shown as capable of was really nice.

(But not any Fives. Nobody likes the Fives XD)

((I mentioned my Cylon pairing mix a while back; Fives were the only model who were not on there at all XD. ...also Baltar was the individual who appeared the most times on it XD Sixes as a whole beat him but that was across All included Six ships))

[theroguequeenaniki]

Questions 2009 -> 2021

This is from my Facebook. It popped up on my memories page thing. I originally answered this in 2009 when I was 15, it’s now 2021 & and I am 27, so I’m gonna do it again. Leaving the original answers. Original answers will be italicized. Commentary on the original answers in parentheses & crossed out? Lol. (I’m not gonna tag anyone, but, like, I guess if you want to answer these random questions from Facebook 12 years ago, go ahead lol) 

Questions

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose people to tag. Don't forget to tag me so I can see your answers! To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy! Next, tag people that you think may enjoy this (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :) 1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My cup with my Big Red in it The straw to my Kate Spade tumbler to drink my HEB Cola Lol.

2.Where was your profile picture taken? I got it off the internet. it's a random anime girl. My bedroom. 3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Never played it. Probably wouldn't be good at it. Not to good at video games. But I am good at Mario Cart, both 64 and the Wii. plus I'm good at some Sonic games. Still never played it. Idk if I’m any good at Mario Cart or the Sonic games anymore, I haven’t played either in years lol

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Doctor Who TikTok. My cats.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Umm, probably about 10:00 cause it took me forevor to get into bed. Uh..Past 4am. Lol. B/c my sleep schedule is fucked. I was in bed by 3am though, but I was playing games & watching TikToks on my phone. Lol.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. I'd move to either New York or Sweden. I don’t know. Part of me says yes. But part of me says no..b/c even though Texas has it’s faults (a LOT of them), I cannot imagine living anywhere else long-term..

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? HAHA. Yeah right. I've never even been kissed! Still nope. I have been kissed though. He just didn’t kiss me under the fireworks the one NYE we spent together...

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Um, I think R, but D might also. D is accross Stasney from me and R is a couple blocks down (I don’t talk to these people much anymore & I’m not going to share their names on Tumblr) Uh. I think Maybe Raven? B/c they’re the only one who lives in the same city still. But, Sarah might technically be closer distance wise? Hold on. Ok, yeah, Sarah’s closer, even though she doesn’t live in this city anymore.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? It all depends on the situation.(I totally stold M's answer but it's true) (I don’t talk to this person anymore & I’m not gonna share their name on Tumblr) I mean, yeah. Two of my best friends are each others exes and they’re still friends. I haven’t stayed friend with my ex, but, uh, he ghosted me so? Lol.

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? I love it. I still love it. Lol.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I can't remember. I don't think it was that long ago, I had a light cry on Saturday, but I don't remember the last time I cried really hard. When we got back from our trip in July. Had a full on breakdown that night. Overheated all weekend. Overwhelmed. Anxiety. It was not a very good vacation..I cry a lot though.

12. Who took your profile picture? I got it off of google. I did. 

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Umm, either myself, or one of my family members. Aside from myself. I think my dad, on his phone, b/c there was a cicada on his shoulder and he wanted to ask the family group chat if he could keep it. Lol. I take a LOT of pictures of cats though. Lol.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Hail yes! To much drama today! And I couldn't avoid it cause I was in the middle of it! (Oof, what drama was 15 yo Linda dealing with that she couldn’t avoid? Lol. I mean, I guess, Sophomore year was a bit full of drama lol) Anyway, I mean, they were pretty much the same. One wasn’t better than the other. One wasn’t worse than the other.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yeah. Now Music there is something I can't live without! Yep, Do it almost everyday. Sentiments about music remain the same. Lol.

16. Are you upset about anything? Yes. I'm annoyed about something and it's making me upset. (I assume this has something to do with the the drama mentioned earlier lol) Always. Anxiety & depression are a bitch. My rooms a mess & I can’t get myself to clean it. My shelves are still a mess.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yeah. though i havent really had one yet. I mean, yeah. Even though I haven’t had one last, aside from friendships, but they’re worth it. 

18. Are you a bad influence? I hope not. If so, let me know.(again I took M's answer but it's true) Probably. Idk. Lol.

19. Night out or night in? Depends on what's going on and how I feel about it. Night in usually. I do like going out sometimes, but, like, to dinner. Maybe a movie or a show. But, you know, we’ve been in a panini press, the only thing I’ve been comfortable doing is going to dinner (fully vaxxed & masked). But I also prefer staying home anyway. (Like I usually just go to dinner with my family lol)

20. What items could you not go without during the day? my computer. my book. my journal and a pen. My phone. My journal (b/c I write in it every night, as a diary, 14yo Linda wrote stories). Uh. I didn’t take food or drinks into account in the og, so I won’t in those. But, yeah. My phone & journal. I can go a day without my laptop if I need to. (Went the whole trip in July without pulling it out, though maybe that’s not a good example since my anxiety on that trip was so high..) I want to say a book, but I’ve been in a massive reading slump so...I wish I read as much as 15yo Linda did..

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I don't remember. I think it was myself.(if you want to know, ask me in person) I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember the last time I was in a hospital. 

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "Mrbobbybones:  wish ted would finally meet their mother already. geez. get to it. However, I see myself in that character more and more each episode." yeah. That's what it says. It's from Twitter. (Huh? and I can’t even go check b/c my inbox doesn’t go back to 2009 on Twitter?? (I haven’t had my account that long) Wait wait wait just remembered I used to get tweets to my phone as text messages lol)

Facebook messenger: “ Cool” From our group chat. Lol.

From actual text messages on my phone: “ heeey! Just put up the Tuesday PDS just for you  it’s a big one.” From Phillip Defranco’s text line Lol.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? I'm loving and hating it. but hey nobody gets out alive right? Uh..I mean. I’m alive. I have WiFi. Food. Family. I haven’t seen my friends in 2 years. (Minus Alex, b/c they were here in July to cat/house sit, but I saw them for like, one night..) There’s a lot that could be better. A lot that could be worse. 

24. Do you hate anyone? yes!!! Oof. I mean, kinda.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook Inbox, what would we find? some random conversations. most of my convos on her though have been in chat or through comments. Facebook Inbox is now Facebook Messenger. So you’ll find all my Facebook Messenger convos. Mostly our group chat. And side group chats for secret planning (birthdays & stuff). Plus other chats? Lol.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I better! (excuse me miss 15yo Linda you absolutely could have passed a drug test you ALSO didn’t drink or smoke or take any drugs lol) Yeah. Absolutely. I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs so, yeah? Lol.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? 

Yes. But I can't remember when... Yeah. Pretty sure. 

28. What song is stuck in your head? Gee by SNSD(Girls Generation) They're Korean. A few My Chemical Romance songs

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? EDWARD CULLEN! Joke! lol. No I don't know. If it was Edward, I'd call the cops. whoever it is though better have an explaination or they are gonna get hit in the head with my Book of Shadows. (Maybe I wouldn’t mind Edward at my window though? Lol.) Uh. My friends? Lol. Idk if I want anyone knocking on my window at 2am.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I don't know....... Uh. No? Idk. Most likely not gonna happen. 

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? I can't think of anything right now... Eat. Should probably clean my room.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Way to much! lol. Way way way too much

33. Do you smile a lot? i try to. I think I do. I get told that alot in Theater...

I think so

[lilolilyr]

Tagged by @ongreenergrasses, thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Way over 300! Tho it feels like it's been at 300sth so long by now, it'll be weird to look at once it hits 400 :D

Btw, funny how this tag meme asks for so much stuff that can be looked up by just... looking at my Ao3... without asking for any commentary by me? Lol

Anyhow, rest under the readmore bc this is 20 questions and Long!

Personal post - do not reblog

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

995596 - just a few more ficlets or 1 longer fic, and I've got a Million! Hey, maybe I should try to write one with... 4404? (I'd need to ask a calculator xD) words exactly... not rly a hardship with how many drabble exercises (exact wordcounts, 100 is the most used, I also do 200, 500, longest was 10000 exactly lol) I've already done... we'll see!

Over 400k for this year alone, and over half of that is my actual writing (not translations etc), I'm so proud! Last year I only barely hit 200k and that included a lot of translating work

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  

Again, one could look this up in my works filtered - sorted by kudos? But all three of my incubus!jaskier witcher series are in it, part 2 of the series is highest with 1091 kudos, then a Venom halloween oneshot, and 'Belonging', a fluffy snake-crowley piece from my ineffable spouses series (yes, sth with under 1k words - 666 to be exact - is in the top 5... my poor longfics lol)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

...I try to? But atm I have 202 unanswered (and I always click 'mark read' on replies so these are all comments on my own fic) even tho I told myself I'd not let it get past 200, and now I'm doing a tag meme instead of replying to anything so ummmm

Edit: 203 unread now

But I do love love love all the comments I get! And while atm it's still semi-manageable, if it ever gets to the point where I really can't manage to reply to everyone cause it's too much, i'd rly take that as a compliment lol :D I'd still try to reply to the longer and/or more thought through comments tho :)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*thinks* I have an MCD fic? But not only is that very much a case of ~posting a draft version that's barely in complete sentences insgead of taking the time to turn it into a real longfic~, I also just killed off the mlm couple I only semi care about and left the wlw couple with a happy/hopeful (rly don't remember) ending, so... hm idk whether that counts for angsty ending

Apart from that... I dunno, I just prefer my babies to be happy and fluffy? *.* i remember a mirror milippa in the mirrorverse one where in the end Michael is worried about lying to Philippa about her identity... there are some angsty TOG and Gomens ones but I think they end happy-ish (my memory is. Bad. but looking through my 'angst' tag I just saw a lot of h/c and 'angst with a happy ending')

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They're all happy???!?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ahahahahahhahahaahaha

Check this out

I need you to know that all the works in that collection take part in the same universe (or rather, multiverse), and are alltogether just scratching the surface of my gigantic headcanon multiverse that I've been building in my mind since I was like 10

Actual crossovers other than that I don't remember writing

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh but I only remember clicking 'delete comment', as it should be

Recently I've just gotten a bunch of 'you Need to continue this' and 'omg why isn't there more' or 'this shouldn't end' type comments, not hate, probably not meant maliciously, but So Annoying (maybe espesh bc I don't want to just hit delete on these, but I also don't want to pretend it's fine, but I also don't have the energy for a fight, and trying to explain why that behaviour is entitled and annoying and that I write what I want to write and nice comments should praise what I actually have written, and hoping that they understand and don't get mad is... hard.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Check out my rated E and rated M in my works

Mostly femslash lately, but I did also write other smut in the past

Most is a bit dominant/submissive play, but I do also like good fluffy smut with feelings! Best in combo, really :D

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the sense of pretending someone else wrote it (that i know of), but posted to other sites without my permission - writing 'don't repost to other sites' etc did Not help, they even copied those tags lol, so I just let it be, choosing my battles wisely etcetc, I'd prefer for my fic not to be cross-posted by others bc then I can't edit or otherwise influence the fic anymore and don't see everyone's reactions to it, but as long as it's not someone pretending they wrote it, I only semi care, not enough to fight it tbh

PSA: I Only post fics to Ao3 (and WIPs/prompt fills to tumblr&discord at times), if you see them somewhere else that's Not Me and you'd do me a favour by checking them out on ao3 and kudosing&commenting there instead :)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup, one to Russian a while back, a floreleine (Gunpowder Milkshake) one to Korean just today actually, and I translated a bunch to German myself

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I made a TOG fic together with @cinnamonplums, well mostly I wrote and she made the art :D

Trying to remember whether I ever actually co-wrote anything... don't think so?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't make me choose!!!

Atm Milippa is OTP bc I'm busy writing them for @discoveryfemslashfortnight (this is not a post to reblog for the fortnight), but I'm also still rly into Floreleine, Bering&Wells and Andromaquynh and Andronilynh, and I read a lot of Mirandy lately

All-time favs I'm not rly active in atm but will always be dear to me are the ineffable spouses, clintcoulson, heistwives, gosh so many more I'll stop here tho xD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Heistwives Kinda Job immediately comes to mind

I also rly want to finish at least one cohesive original-ish storyline for the lverse that I already linked for the crossover question above, but I just have so much backstory (it's been over 10 years!!!) and it's... hard...

And everything else that's still WIP and untouched for more than a few months will probably have the same fate lol

Also have a few that haven't even seen the light of day at all, most recent a Mirandy ~what if Andy had been pregnant when Miranda hired her and how would it change the entire storyline~ bit - I wrote it in bulletpoints in one go as quickly as I could, I know I had the finished product in my mind, I don't remember anything now and don't feel like going through the bulletpoints painstakenly filling in the blanks

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing one-shots quickly in one go

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Forgetting everything about a fic if I leave it in a draft for a second too long

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are many ways to go about it, and I think they all work (depending on the fic and the length and relevance of the dialogue)

I tend to leave single sentences as is, and for longer and important sequences use cursive and 'they said in xylanguage'.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hobbit apparently? I remember thinking that fic was so long lol, it's 3k

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Kat/Ana from Reef Break, they have Such Shippable Chemistry, and it would totally fit Kat's player personality to bang both siblings (she's canonically friends with benefits with Ana's half-brother)... but the ship has one (1!) fic on Ao3 *cries*

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

TOG Andromaquynh longfic In Your Stead has had the title since last year and probably for a while to come! I loved the story idea so much I really worked with several drafts and only! worked on that fic until it was finished so I wouldn't get distracted & forget about it, and the result was wonderful.

Tagging, if you want to do it, @sarah-fiers @purlturtle @cookie-sheet-toboggan @ussjellyfish @onaperduamedee @startrekgeorgiouery @rosalie-starfall @lonely-night @banashee @xvnot15 and everyone else who sees this

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

[prince-of-elsinore]

I was tagged by @stanfordsweater for this getting to know you game. Thanks so much for the tag! 😊💕 There’s a clean copy at the end for people who want to do this.

1. why did you choose your url?

It was already my user name on AO3 (and maybe some other sites, can't recall) and I wanted consistency across platforms (since I joined tumblr for fandom). And here's the pretentious part: if you didn't know, it's a reference to Hamlet, which is one of my favorite written works ever. Elsinore is the name of the castle where it takes place, so the prince of Elsinore is Hamlet ^^;

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have two, though I'm not gonna name them lol (they're not exactly secret but they're old news). When I first joined I wanted my main to be not totally fandom-dominated (whoops so much for that) so I made a side blog for my main fandom at the time (Hetalia), where I now reblog fanart every once in a blue moon. And I made another side blog for my fic. I still occasionally post on the fic blog but since my main is now basically completely spn anyway, I've just been posting my spn fic on main.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Since... 2012, I think? But not consistently. I hadn't used tumblr much in years before last fall and even considered deleting my blog multiple times, but spn ending (and the pandemic) brought me back stronger than ever ^^;

4. do you have a queue tag?

#q  (i'm lazy and it's just quickest that way 🙈)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

If only I could remember... Well, it was for fandom (mostly--also some history blogging) but I don't remember the specific impetus. As mentioned my main fandom was Hetalia at the time, and within that mostly German bros stuff. I also distinctly remember lurking on a lot of Sherlock blogs prior to joining 😬(my how tastes things change)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a Leyendecker illustration! I love his work so so much (so many dapper men, so much homoeroticism 👌). The piece is Easter-themed and I don't actually know why I chose it. This fop is a far cry from his usual suave dudes, but idk, I guess I liked how ott and fancy it is. It also matched the old flowery aesthetic of my blog before I changed the theme.

7. why did you choose your header?

Lol ok so that's a photo I took (on my first visit maybe?) at Sans Souci palace in Potsdam, Germany. It was the residence of Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, who--as anyone will know if they remember my blog days of yore--is my favorite historical figure! The glove is not mine. I found it like that :)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

As I suspected, this one I made defending Jared's "controversial" comments post-finale. Sort of funny because I'm not even a Jared stan 🤷‍♂️

9. how many mutuals do you have?

No idea

10. how many followers do you have?

Just passed 550, which I know isn't many relatively speaking but wow I certainly never expected to see the day! I've gained about 300 followers since I started posting about spn, which utterly baffles me, but hey I'm glad if you guys are enjoying yourselves!

11. how many people do you follow?

Oh, wow, I just looked and it's over 1,000 😳 I guess b/c over the years I've gone on multiple following sprees and only unfollow if people really really annoy me or if I just get really tired of their content (I do continue to follow a lot of people who post about fandoms I'm not in). I feel like I usually see the same <50 blogs on my dash, though, so I'm guessing about 900 of the blogs I follow must be completely inactive lol.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yes 🙃

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Varies. Over the past months I would check it every hour or more, felt like (not v conducive to getting work done orz). Recently (due to being away from my computer more often, now that the semester and my old job are finished) only a couple times a day, mostly at night.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Hm, not really. Nothing more than a couple snarky or passive-aggressive asks, and not for years (aside from that anon anti hate I got sort of recently--my first ever! I would say I win that one by default, y'know, just for not being the person sending anon hate). I did get into a pretty drawn-out debate with a Dean stan about Dean's death and Jared's comments on it--see above--but I wouldn't classify it as an argument.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Very Tired and skeptical

16. do you like tag games?

Yes they're great! Always make me smile (even if I don't participate I always appreciate the tag!) 😊

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, although I have to be careful about posting them because while I love getting asks in theory, getting them means I have to answer them! And I tend to be very slow at that because I want to put so much thought into it! (Send me asks any time, really! Might just take me forever to respond ^^;) ((Oh gosh this reminds me I still never finished some headcanon asks I got aaages ago. Maybe someday...))

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I don't have a good sense of what constitutes tumblr famous. My fave blogs are all stars in my eyes 🤩😇

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Haha no. Maybe with a few I just have a little cherished hope that they think I'm cool and smart 🥺

20. tags?

Hmm I pick @theregoestheneighbourhood, @doilycoffin, @decadent-prince, and @fallcolorspringrapid if you want to!!

clean copy:

1. why did you choose your url?

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

4. do you have a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

7. why did you choose your header?

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

9. how many mutuals do you have?

10. how many followers do you have?

11. how many people do you follow?

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

16. do you like tag games?

17. do you like ask games?

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

20. tags?

[red-sector-rivendell]

media reccs? 👀 since apparently you are a man of good taste?

Wow thank you 😏 I have a masterlist of movies that have changed me I often recommend to people, I'll just copy and paste here with quick synopses lol, it's kinda long. I'm not super great at writing synopses tho so bear with me

Dead Poets Society (1989)

One of my favorite movies of all time and a total classic. It's about a group of boys at a strict boarding school who are inspired by their new English teacher (played by Robin Williams) to think for themselves and chase their dreams. This movie literally changed my life lol

Quadrophenia (1979)

This movie is based off of the story behind the concept album by The Who of the same name. It follow the life of a young man named Jimmy who is in a gang called the Mods. Theres this huge gang war between them and the Rockers (I think that's their name, it's been a while since i watched it) and Jimmy questions his beliefs about coming-of-age and his values in life throughout the film

Cabaret (1972)

Based off of the Broadway musical of the same name, this movie is about a British man who moves to Germany during the beginning of the rise of Nazis. He meets a woman who basically turns his world upside down, and it follows their love affair and sexuality and anti-semitism, and it's hilarious and heart wrenching and a beautiful movie

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

This is a super trippy romance film. Basically in the universe of this movie, theres a technology that is developed that can delete memories of an entire person from your mind while you are in a dream-like state, and the main character of this movie (played by Jim Carrey) decides to undergo the procedure after a bad breakup. Its soooo good I highly recommend this movie

It's Such a Beautiful Day (2012)

This is an animated film about a man named Bill who is going through brain cancer. Its told from the perspective of an unnamed narrator essentially communicating everything Bill sees, hears, and experiences. This is the movie that got me into film and it is still a complete masterpiece and one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen

The Dirties (2013)

Loved this one a lot back in high school, it's been a while since I watched it. This is a film made in Canada about a high schooler named Matt Johnson and his friend Owen who decide to make a short film for their class about them killing the gang at their school that bullies them, and things take a dark turn. It's a hilarious movie and hits pretty close to home for me in a lot of ways haha

Logan's Run (1976)

Great movie, pretty cheesy though so be warned. This is based off a book with the same name, and it takes place in the future where most of humanity is wiped out except for a small society that lives under a domed structure. No one is allowed to leave the dome, and to control overpopulation, no one is allowed to live past the age of 30. It's really bizarre but I love this movie

Donnie Darko (2001)

Pretty sure this was Jake Gyllenhaal's first big hit when he was super young (I think he was like 19 in this movie but I'm not sure) basically about this kid, Donnie Darko, who is somewhat schizophrenic and has a habit of sleepwalking. After one particular incident he has a near-death experience and starts seeing a man in a bunny costume everywhere who makes him do weird stuff. Another pretty trippy movie with a crazy ending

American Psycho (2000)

Honestly I'm sure a few on this list you've probably seen (most likely this one included) but I didnt wanna leave any out because they're all so good. If you haven't seen this, it's about a Wall Street executive named Patrick Bateman who is a materialistic phony by day and a serial killer by night. I tried to read the book but the inner dialogue was really hard to get through lmao. Awesome movie though huge recommend.

Clockwork Orange (1971)

Yet another trippy one. And fuck it's been a long time since I've seen it so I might get some stuff wrong here. But it's basically about this serial rapist guy who hangs out with this group of goons and they all like to go beat up homeless people and shit, but the main character gets captured and has to go through reformation therapy to make him a better person. It's an extremely bizarre movie but soooo good and kind of hilarious lol

Creep (2014)

Of course this is on my list haha. If you haven't seen it yet, it's a horror movie about this freelance film guy who answers an ad on craigslist to help a man with cancer film a movie for his unborn son. And shit gets weird real fast. One of my favorite horror movies ever, I wouldnt say it's super scary but it's fun as fuck

Hereditary (2018)

If I'm being honest, I don't like a lot of big movies made in super recent years and especially not horror movies (mostly because they're all cheap cash grabs with no substance) but this one is an exception for me. Hereditary is fucking masterful in my opinion, legitimately creepy as hell and well-produced and well written. To put the plot as vaguely as possible without spoiling anything, it's about a family (mostly the mother) who go through some crazy fucked up shit. That's literally all I can say without giving anything away. Super good flick, big recommend

Gattaca (1997)

This list isn't in any particular order, and I love all these movies to death, but if I had to rank them this would probably be on the lower end. It's not a bad movie, it's still great but it's just not as life-changing as the other ones lmao. This takes place in the future where genetic modifications have progressed to a point where you can modify your unborn child's DNA to have the perfect baby. This has led to, essentially racial bias against those who never had that procedure when they were born. The main character was not one of these "special" children, but he wants an extremely prestigious job which requires that of the employee. Through the film, he is trying to fake his identity and fool the company into thinking he is one of these perfect people. Still a great film

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Johnny Depp, man, he is something else. I LOVE this movie. Based off a true story and a book written by the man who lived it, Hunter S. Thompson, this follows the adventure of the writer and his attorney as they go on a drugged-out, psychedelic romp through Las Vegas with the original intention being to cover a story on a motorcycle race, but things go off the rails as they both terrorize the entire city in a way. Just a fun ride the whole way, a great movie

The Truman Show (1998)

God I'm realizing this list is long as fuck. Don't watch all of these movies, it might take you a lifetime lmao. Anyway, this is a classic Jim Carrey movie and another one you've probably seen. But again, if you haven't, this movie is about a man whose entire life has been fabricated and shot for television without him knowing. Super great, super moving, fantastic film 10 outta 10 I gotta wrap this shit up

A Scanner Darkly (2006)

A lesser known Keanu Reeves movie, but fuck I wish more people have seen this. This is one of my favorite movies of all time, and it's based off a book which is just as amazing. This movie takes place in the near future, where facial recognition technology has progressed wayyy too far, and drugs have gotten to the point of no return. The plot follows a detective who is undercover in a junkie house trying to figure out who is the top of the drug dealing totem pole, but ends up wrapped in the junkie lifestyle a little too deeply. Seriously, I recommend this movie to everyone who asks, it's so damn good

Fight Club (1999)

Another popular one. If you havent seen it, it's based off a book by Chuck Palahniuk following the story of a man (the main character actually doesnt have a name lol) who meets a guy named Tyler Durden who changes his entire perspective on how the world works. They start an underground boxing club together to help themselves and other men blow off steam and get away from the capitalist consumer-centric lifestyle they are forced into. Big twist at the end, great movie five stars on yelp

Harold and Maude (1971)

This is a weird one. Gotta say. It's about a guy in his 20s who meets an old woman at a funeral and falls in love with her. Sounds pretty ok at face value but theres a lot of really strange subplots and a huuuuge twist at the end (one of the subplots being the guy compulsively fakes his suicide to get his mother's attention) big recommend

Polyester (1981)

This one I cant even explain u just have to watch it its fucking bizarre

Fargo (1996)

Ok lightning round on the synopses, this movie is about a man who wants to commit fraud by hiring guys to kidnap his wife so her father can pay them ransom and instead the husband gets the money but everything goes wrong it's really good

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018)

Another modern movie I actually like, last time I watched this I was on shrooms and it was crazy but it's about this hotel right on the border of california and (Nevada I think?) And all these weird people are staying at it and there are twists at every turn and chris hemsworth is a cult leader in it its great

Memento (2000)

GREAT MOVIE GOD PLEASE WATCH THIS ONE it's about a man who develops short term memory loss after witnessing the rape and murder of his wife AND WHEN I SAY THERE ARE TWISTS LIKE EVERY TEN MINUTES I MEAN IT. The film is chronologically backwards, in that the first scene takes place at the end of the story and works back from there in increments of like 5 minutes. Basically each scene is a segment of time that this guy remembers before his memory loss kicks in and he forgets and FUCK it's so good please god watch it

Almost Famous (2000)

This is another one that would probably be low on my ranking but still a great and fun movie, it's about this kid that wants to write articles about rock stars for the rolling stone (based off a true story btw) and he ends up running away to go ride on a tour bus with some band and gets into all types of shenanigans and its great and sad

Parasite (2019)

Another modern movie I love, fuck this is getting too long lmao. Poor family wants to make money and they hatch a scheme to pretend to be bougie and work for this rich family but shit gets weird and everything goes wrong and it's so good (also literally the only film ever that made me speechless afterwards)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Pretty much lives up to the hype, I totally forgot the plot but it's pretty damn good I remember that lmao

The Warriors (1979)

Fun movie, theres a bunch of teen gangs in New York and the leader of all of em is like "hey we should rally all the gangs together and fuck up the cops so we can rule this city" but then he gets shot by someone in the crowd and the gang The Warriors gets blamed so the whole movie is them running from all the other gangs so they can get back to home base and it's just an all around fun time movie

12 Monkeys (1995)

THIS MOVJE IS CRAZY it takes place in the future where a virus has almost completely wiped humans off the face of the earth so these scientists send this guy back in time to figure out where it came from so they can stop it from ever happening but obviously everything goes wrong and yadda yadda yadda it's amazing

Waking Life (2001)

Gonna preface this by saying this film is definitely not for entertainment, it's kind of an arthouse-type flick. It's the type of movie you have to think really really hard about to watch. The basic plot is the main character is stuck inside his own lucid dream, and is walking around listening to all these characters in his dream talk to him about, idk like the meaning of life and consciousness and shit. It's really good if you're in the mood for that type of thing.

Okay I'm finally done, you probably didnt expect this but I've been meaning to put my movie recommendations on this blog anyway haha. I deleted some just cause it was getting wayyyy too long. If u want a shorter list I can just give u like a top 5 in DMs but there u go have at it, every movie on that list is a banger I swear

[starlightsearches]

Scoundrel

So my inbox decided to delete every request that I had, but lucky for me I actually copied them all down this time! Here’s three requests that I’ve combined into one story, hope you all love it!

Anonymous asked: Lol you reblogged a head cannon from @historymiss about kylo and his “scoundrel” skills and it is just so funny to think about, I’d love to read a fic by you about it. Maybe reader is some type of smuggler being hunted down by the first order and they get away but not before they impress each other with shady skills?

Anonymous asked: Ooh! How about a prompt? “It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong” reader to kylo?

Anonymous asked: kylo x reader “is that blood?” “... no?”

Requests are closed ✨

Kylo Ren x Reader (no pronouns)

Warnings: some angst, language, mentions of sex pollen 😏, mild horniness, not a happy ending 🙁

There's no light at all in your hiding place, just the hard press of metal against your spine and the sound of your own breathing. You close your eyes, not that it changes the much, fill your lungs as quietly as you can manage and then hold your breath, listening closely to the sounds of footsteps as they move past you, the modulated mumbles of storm troopers as they head towards the exit of your ship. It's not easy to track their movements just by sound, but you don't think they found your stash, thank gods. If they all get off your fucking ship, you can be on your way in no time.

"Search completed, sir. No sign of the fugitives." You can just barely hear one of the troopers report to some silent supervisor, and your mind catches on the last word. Fugitives? Who were they looking for? Some people would pay a lot of credits for information like that. Despite its chaotic beginnings, today could still be a lucky one. You press your ear closer to the false wall that you hide behind, furrowing your brow in concentration.

"Complete searches of the rest of the ships, they’re here somewhere," there's a second voice now, and as soon as you hear it, ice floods your veins. You'd recognize that voice anywhere. Shit.

Your previous confidence in your hiding place leaves immediately, but you can't move, your sense of self-preservation still convinced that he might slip up this time. You're startled from that delusion almost immediately by a loud pounding sound, and then the panel covering your little shelter gives way to blinding light.

You land on your hands and knees with a loud smack, the impact driving spikes of pain through your bones. Someone—a trooper you assume—is on you immediately, yanking your hands behind your back. As soon as your eyes adjust, he's in your line of sight, filling your view with an expansive blackness.

"You again," he's crouched down beside you, the words almost quiet enough to be a whisper, and said with a kind of reverence that might only exist in your imagination. It's been a long time since you last saw Kylo Ren, but it feels like no time at all.

"We can't keep meeting like this, Commander," you reply, coating your words in a healthy level of sarcasm to hide any trembling that could break through, "People might think that you're in love with me."

He doesn't respond, because he never does, but he lifts his hand to your face, rubbing his thumb roughly against your cheek, the seam of his glove scraping against your skin. "Is that blood?" he asks in the same even tone, raising his hand to eye level; you can just barely make out the dark red smear against the black leather.

" ... No?" And then after a beat, "well, it's not mine." Nothing changes in the man before you, but you hear a modulated snicker from behind, and the trooper mutters an apology when Ren shoots him what you have to assume would be a glare if you could see the face behind his mask.

"Search them," Kylo Ren stands to his full height, and you follow close behind, yanked to your feet unceremoniously by the trooper. Some might find this situation humiliating, being cuffed and patted down on your own ship, but you're able to ignore it rather easily, choosing instead to keep your eyes trained on Ren. He returns your stare, his arms crossed tight over his broad chest, fingers flexing rhythmically against the swell of his biceps. No, being handled like this doesn't bother you at all, but you think it might bother him.

Your weapons are removed one by one, and it's a few minutes before the trooper is satisfied, attaching the cuffs to your wrists and giving you one final shove to signal the end of his search. "Should I take them back to the command shuttle?"

Ren stays silent, and your mind kicks in to lightspeed as you try to come up with a plan. If they got you off this ship, your chances of escape would diminish greatly. You'd need to stay aboard, but how? Fighting both of them wouldn't be an option, especially not weaponless. You'll have to make this up as you go and hope things play out in your favor.

"Leave the prisoner with me for interrogation," he says to the trooper, and you stifle a sigh of relief, "I'll need to search the ship again." You try to keep your emotions in check as you watch the trooper walk towards the exit, following him around the corner and out the door with your eyes. It's just you and Ren now. You could make this work.

He breaks the silence as soon as you're alone, plucking the thoughts right out of your head, "you're not going to escape."

"That's funny, I think you said that the last time we ran into each other," you keep your reply light, your tone laden with a healthy dose of mockery so he won't look any deeper. It's not easy to play tricks on a man with powers like his, which is why you've got to keep him distracted, uncomfortable. After all, this is your arena—he'll have to play by your rules.

He takes you by the shoulder, pushing you further into the ship with a shove that's probably meant to be harsh, but there's no heat behind it. "You can't get away from me," he says, more emphatically. His fingers press deeper into your shoulder, a heavy grip to emphasize his point, like that’s all it would take to keep you with him. He should really know better by now. 

You shrug out of his grasp with a little twist, turning to face him in the small corridor, chest to chest, your bound arms sandwiched between you, your own reflection staring back at you through the eyes of his helmet. "I wouldn't count on it, Commander. It's become a hobby of mine to prove you wrong." Your voice is barely a whisper, the heat of your breath creating little clouds of fog on his mask—you're closer than most would dare to be. It's dangerous, the way you get in his space, dangerous how you challenge him, but gods, do you like it. 

He chooses to ignore you again, refusing to take the bait, and instead continues his path down the hall, pulling you towards the cargo hold. It's mostly empty right now, with a few scattered transport bins littering the corners—just empty enough to fool any asshole who might try to poke their nose into your business.

"What are you hauling?" Ren asks, unconvinced by your sparse collection, searching the hold with slow, methodical movements.

"I don't know if you could tell, but I'm actually between jobs at the moment," you kick a crate of broken blasters to sell your lie, but it's clear he's not convinced as he walks the length of the hold, searching for any signs of hidden compartments. You take the chance to look around, as well, seeing if there’s anything that might aid your escape, or at least help you get the damn binders off. It’s a waste of time—there’s nothing in here for you, and even if there was, you wouldn’t be able to get to it without Ren noticing. You look back at him, just for a moment, checking to see if he’s distracted enough to ignore your scheming. By then it’s too late—you hear the sound of the panel lifting first, and it's only a second before he's opening the crate hidden beneath, too quick for the cry that rips from your chest but gets caught on the way out.

"Spice, really?" He reaches a gloved hand towards the container of the innocuous-looking yellow powder and your heart threatens to leap out of your throat, your feet moving towards him of their own accord.

"Don't touch that!" The words finally break free as you throw yourself at him—you don't really have a choice. The impact is hard, hard enough to upset his balance as he stumbles backward, catching you in his grasp, his hands gripping at your shoulders to steady you, too. You’re anchored in his arms, but your breathing is coming hard and fast, the adrenaline making home in your veins even if the danger has passed.

"Afraid I might contaminate your supply?" he whispers the question, the words coming low and mocking through the modulator in his helmet. He thinks it's his turn to get under your skin.

"That's not spice," you say, breathing hard, panic still coursing. "It's a highly potent kind of pollen used to, uh, stimulate arousal. Getting even the smallest amount of it on your skin or in your lungs can create an effect that lasts for weeks." He goes still against you, solid as stone, but you can feel his heartbeat running rampant through his body as he realizes the meaning of your words. Neither of you dare to move, afraid of worsening your already precarious situation, even though you’re well out of reach of the container. The tension has sucked all the air from the room and you stutter, trying to bring it back, "there's a king in the Kazyk sector who pays me good money to haul it for him."

"Is it contraband?" His gaze flits from you back to the powder, and then back again. Even though you can't see them, the pressure of his eyes weighs on you, bringing a heat to your cheeks.

"Depends on who you ask. It is expensive, highly coveted, and notoriously hard to transport. It can cause . . . complications when moved, if you're not careful."

"Complications?" You feel yourself flush, your entire body uncomfortably warm—the temperature control on your ship must be malfunctioning. It's only made worse by your proximity to Ren; you can feel his heat passing through the thick fabric he wears, smothering you.

"Do I need to spell it out for you, Commander?" You had wanted to mock him again, using his title like that, but the whisper that leaves your parted lips is absent of any ridicule, your words so soft and wanton that it sends a shiver up your own spine. You can't help but wonder if he's blushing under the mask—if his thoughts are currently consumed, like yours are, by images of bodies intertwined, heady moans passed between parted lips, his hands—ungloved—exploring every inch of you . . .

Your wrists tug against their restraints, unbidden. It's a good thing that you're still cuffed, because if they weren't, you're not sure what would stop you peeling back those layers he wears, taking off that stupid helmet, finally revealing his face. What would he look like, laid bare before you? What would it feel like to be encircled in his arms with nothing between you but desire?

You ball your fists, fingernails pressing crescents into your palms as you try to remove these thoughts from your mind, forcing yourself out of his grasp with a sharp tug, trying to breathe again. Gods, what is wrong with you? Some of the pollen must have gotten into the air and made its way into your system. You turn back, hoping to confirm your theory, but the little pile of yellow powder sits undisturbed, and the air in the cargo hold is heavy and still.

"Just put the lid back on it. I'm not hauling anything else," you command, and to your surprise, Ren obeys, replacing the cover on the container gently so as to not disturb the powder beneath. He grabs you again, by the arm this time so that he can keep his distance, thank gods, not that it helps you cool off—the heat stays trapped beneath your skin for much longer than you’d care to admit.

He takes you through the rest of the ship, stopping occasionally to open one of the many hidden storage compartments scattered throughout, cracking locks, breaking codes seemingly without even trying. He finds all of them—even the ones you made yourself, ones you were sure nobody would be able to locate without your help. It doesn't matter anyway; you were telling the truth before. You're not hauling anything else.

You lean against the wall, watching as he rips away the edge of another panel in the floor, finding it empty, and you roll your eyes. "Not to be a dick, but can't people like you just feel if I'm harboring fugitives on my ship?" He looks up at you, and you hope he can’t see the way you’re still shaking, hope he can’t feel any of the shame you’re trying so desperately to hide. You need him off your ship—no more complications, no more interference.

"People like me?" he asks, with the slightest hint of laughter, just barely detectable behind the modulation. So he does feel it—your embarrassment, the leftover yearning that you can’t seem to elude.

You roll your eyes again, as if the movement itself could create the nonchalance you’re trying so hard to mimic. You want to be annoyed at him. You want to be unaffected, cool despite what just happened. But it’s not working. "You know what I mean. Couldn't you just sense them?" 

"I know you're not hiding the people we're searching for,” he admits, sliding the floor panel back in place, “and I found all of these- "he gestures vaguely down the hall, the evidence of his handiwork littered along the corridor "-on my own." It’s hard to be sure when you can’t see his face, but you think he might be smug about it all. 

You furrow your brow, thoughts humming, trying to piece together this interaction in a way that makes sense. When that fails, you resort to mockery. 

“. . . So you've been ripping my whole ship apart for what? Just to show off?” Your heart jumps when you see him freeze—the physical changes slight, but not beyond your notice—a slow smile spreading across your face. You’ve got him now.

“You are trying to show off, aren’t you? I have to admit it, I’m impressed,” he stays where he is as you move closer, the visor of his mask trained on you, his muscles taut like he’s ready to run. Who would have thought that, in this scenario, you’d be the dominant one?

“That’s not-” he stutters—you can hear it through the vocoder, and you laugh, just a short, breathy thing. You shouldn’t let yourself get distracted from the goal at hand, but this is much more fun.

“No need to be embarrassed, I tend to have that effect on people. Everybody loves a scoundrel.” You flash him a cheeky smile, and he bristles, folding his arms over his chest again and standing to his full height. You can see the tension in him, practically pulling him apart. He wants to run from you. He wants to stay. 

“Not me,” he says like he wants to believe it, but you can’t miss the way his voice shakes.

“You especially, Commander. The Order and its people are far too proper for someone like you. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.”

The silence that follows your words fills the space, leaving little room for air. Maybe you’re hallucinating, but he might inch closer, his fingers twitching, maybe to reach for the latches in his helmet, maybe to bury them in your hair.

The sound of pounding footsteps against the durasteel floor shocks the breath back into your lungs, but even as the trooper dashes into view, Ren doesn’t pull away.

“Sir, there’s a problem,” the trooper huffs, and after a pause, Ren rips his eyes away from you. The trooper hesitates, now, realizing that he’s barged in on what probably looks to him like a private moment. “Uh, there’s a small band of Resistance fighters attacking the troops, we believe they’re here for the fugitives.”

Ren’s immediately on the move, his cloak snapping from the speed of his departure, and you and the trooper glance at each other for a moment before they follow after Ren, and you do too, curious to see the commotion. Despite his limited headstart, Ren seems to have vanished from the corridors of your ship, no trace of him at all, the only sounds echoing through the hallway coming from your own footsteps and the soft jingle of the trooper’s movements. 

The jingling. You’re almost to the door before you realize what that sound means, and you want to smack yourself. You can see the keys now, out of the corner of your eye. Escape had never been closer, and you almost missed it. You choose to ignore the voice in the back of your mind that reminds you about what had caused you to become so distracted. You don’t have time to think about it now. You have a plan.

The trooper startles when you yelp, tripping over nothing before you go sprawling, landing on the floor with a clang. You watch him from the ground as he stares back at you, hesitant, glancing towards the exit before his eyes fall to you again.

“A little help?” You sell it, make it look like a struggle as you try and fail to find your feet, but the trooper still doesn’t move just yet, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. Then he takes the bait.

“Thanks,” you mumble under your breath, falling into him as he pulls you to your feet, bracing yourself against the duraplast of his uniform before pulling the keys from his belt with a deft tug and tucking them into your palm.

He doesn’t even notice, running as soon as you're stable, and you follow behind, spinning the key in your palms angling it just right until you hear the snap of release. You catch the cuffs, trying to limit the noise they make as they fall from your sore and stiff wrists. You’re free. 

The trooper exits the ship immediately, off to help his comrades, but Ren is still by the door, deflecting the odd blaster fire. Most of the fighting is far past your ship, on the other side of the yard, but one or two stragglers have decided to aim his way. You watch from around the corner, listen as the sounds of fired shots ends with strangled cries. You move in behind him, getting close, holding the cuffs in place as best you can. 

“Looks like the fight has moved on without you,” you announce your presence, and he turns to look at you, but your eyes are on the saber, burning bright and wicked by his side. “Impressive, but not very useful long range. Blasters are more . . . versatile.”

He gives you a hard look—a searching look—before raising his hand, the fingers flexing in his gloves. Your blaster, the one the trooper pulled off of you earlier, nudges past you on its way to his hand and you jump out of the way, hardly noticing the smooth movement with which he fires, the bodies dropping even from this range as he shoots into the crowd with perfect accuracy.

You’ve never seen him in action like this before. Despite the number of times you had come face to mask with Kylo Ren, he’s never used his powers on you. Something about the realization is frightening.

“We need to leave,” he says, interrupting your thoughts, “back to my shuttle.” He’s looking at you again, head inclined, like it’s a question instead of a demand. And the stupidest part of you wants to go. You force that part of yourself to be quiet. 

He deactivates his saber, drops your blaster and reaches for you, his hand stretched out the same way it had only a few moments ago, but there’s none of the same power behind it; you still feel the pull.

“I know,” he says, and the cuffs fall from your hands because there’s no point in hiding anymore, “but . . .you still could-” he swallows hard enough for you to hear through the modulator, “-we still could . . .”

You walk towards him, your footsteps slow and even and he trembles, his fingers shaking again for an entirely different reason, and they don’t stop, not when they meet your waist, not when your hands grip both sides of his helmet, trying to find a hold against the cold metal.

“I’ll tell you what, Commander,” you say with a whisper, pulling him closer, close enough to rest your forehead against his, “I’ll go with you . . . the next time you catch me.”

It’s a smooth movement, unexpected—first you pull him close, pressing a kiss to the front of his mask, imagining the way his lips must be flushing in response, imagining what it would be like without the ridiculous apparatus in the way. He’s unbalanced, a little surprised, and when you push him back he doesn’t anticipate it, falling, flailing, until he lands with a thud in the soft mud outside of your ship.

“Until next time, Commander!” you call down to him as the hatch lifts, running to the cockpit as fast as your legs will carry you. You’re in a panic as you start up the ship, a shake in your hands that makes it hard to hit the right controls but you don’t stop until you hit lightspeed, trying your hardest to breathe.

You plug in the right coordinates and sit back in the pilot’s chair, brushing your hand across your cheek, picking up the stray moisture that lingers there. You don’t remember when the tears started. You’re not sure how to stop. It seems like today isn’t your lucky day after all.

[ilkkawhat]

All the numbers. (If not all then pick and choose a handful to answer).

lol you’re really going for it anon, huh?? 😂 bless your heart. I’ll do all of them and then idk. if anybody wants to send any again, I’m sure I can have a different answer

(I did just answer 7 & 22 so I’ll leave those out. rest below the cut)

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

I guess if you count all of my active WIPs that have been sitting dormant for months or years, there’s those since I like. I know what I’m doing in pretty much all of them, just as I know what I’m doing in some of my unpublished WIPs, but I think I just need to be in a certain mood/energy to do certain ones (ie, Agony esp is a very heavy fic so I gotta be able to Deal with that)

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

I deleted those 😂😂😂 but some of my reeeeeealllllly old stuff is still out there and I cringe thinking about that and though I could easily delete those too, I’m keeping them just since the harddrive that has the docs for it is corrupted lol

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Just all over the place these days tbh. Even chapter to chapter it’ll change, I’ll write snippets in future chapters--and I’m talking like three or four chapters ahead--just to get it out there. But then there’s other days where I’ll sit and just write and not stop.

4) favorite character you’ve written

Nick Stokes, of course 💜💜💜

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

Any of the Macgyver characters outside of Jack. Cause though I’ll claim not to all the time, I do know that I know the CSI characters (though I’m surprised I’m able to write in their POVs outside of Nick.) I grew up with them. I have a bond with them. The mac characters? I’ve only known for like. two years now and not even that well anymore since I’ve stopped watching the show. 

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

Expanding on details. Almost every fic I write, I’ll read it again later and be like “ah shit I should have run with this idea...” but I guess that’s how I can do a sequel/missing scene

8) favorite genre to write

hurt/comfort (emphasis on the hurt, really I mean we’re talking like borderline horror)

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

See I haven’t really honed in on any one particular thing that inspires me to write. It comes out of nowhere, and the following list of things doesn’t like, always work. When I’m listening to a song. When I’m driving in the car. When I’m watching something unrelated to the source material (totes got some inspiring vibes watching Falcon and The Winter Soldier yesterday tbh lmao) When I dream. When I go on a walk. When people send me asks and I just go the fuck off and suddenly ten chapters later I’m writing a fic that they probably didn’t even want (coughSpecimenStokescough)

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I think the last couple times I’ve like, really written it’s been in silence. Definitely alone. Don’t got people to write around, really lmao (unless you count my parents being in other rooms with obnoxiously loud televisions and tablets)

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

All of it. And I’m sure it’ll keep improving.

12) your weaknesses as an author

Dialogue. I don’t know how people talk 😂

13) your strengths as an author

Detail, description, and I also like to think--emotion? but idk. It’s hard for me to assess my strength tbh

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

Oh YES! At least for the longer WIPs like Last Breath or Agony. And listen to it on a loop when I’m trying to brainstorm or write if I want to write with music on. I’ve been starting to link the playlists when I’m doing with the fic (which is not many so far)

(I think Hellbound is the only one-shot I made a playlist for that I didn’t share)

15) why did you start writing?

I honestly can’t remember, cause I think I’ve been writing stories (fan fiction or not) ever since I was in middle school?? Maybe even elementary? But I do feel like I had gotten more encouragement for it than drawing from the few people in my life that did actively cheer me on, and there’s just something about writing that is so...fulfilling? Esp since I can’t like. Just manifest the images or make the “movie” in my head, at least I can write them down and hopefully convey what I see/feel in my mind through words.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

All my neglected OCs lmao. I did and I guess on some level still do want to make an original series.

In a chilling way Veronica also haunts me cause I realize how much of that like, darkness in myself I put in her. 

And Nick, well, he’s just always on my mind.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Just fucking go for it! Don’t give a shit if anybody will read it or not. Take your time, flesh out those details. Describe what you see, what they see, what they feel. 

If you think you’re going too far...you’re not. 

keep going

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

I mean any fan fiction I read in the past has probably influenced me on some level. I know that when I came back to CSI in 2018, reading all of kristen999′s nick whump def encouraged me cause I was like “oh...there’s others like me who like to see him hurt!?!?” and I do think that maybe sometimes after I read a fic, I might like. Try to incorporate those styles I see. The way words are described, sentences constructed. Not like, copy of course but I feel like a long time ago my writing wasn’t really idk, novel-like? very short, almost read like a script whereas now, since I’ve seen the way people write their stories (some novel length stories, too), I flesh mine out a lot more.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I don’t 😂 Thinking of my bigger projects like Agony, I do just kind make up some of it as I go with a rough outline although sometimes it is a bit more detailed--like First Flight actually has a super detailed outline but I know that once I start writing, something might come up, some twist I didn’t think of before--or even one that somebody suggests to me, but idk I feel like I do have a way of tying everything together regardless? Cause especially with those bigger WIPs I will try to go back and re-read if something seems familiar or if I’ve forgotten a detail, or if I’m planning on diving back into it after a long break from it. 

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Depends. I feel more accomplished with the long sit down sessions so I target that, but lately it’s been little spurts with maybe one big dump at the end of the week.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

Mostly cringe, but there are times I’m like “holy shit this is really good???” 

like I remember recently I re-read Agony and loved it, when I wanted to delete it maybe like. a week before that. I think it honestly depends on my frame of mind, and why I’m going back to read the fic? Cause I’ve had times where I’m like “wait what was this one?” and then I read it and laugh at how bad it is, but then other times where I’m like, “I wanna read that one fic I did...” and then I do and it makes me happy.

But, I will always kinda criticize at the same time--”aw, I could do this better, I could have expanded on this,” etc

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

My life is suuuuuuper boring so. not really lmao. One of my earliest CSI fics that actually created what I consider to be my number one OC (she’d be the lead in that original series I mentioned earlier) came out of me sitting and staring into a campfire lmao. 

also there was this teacher I had (one of those good IRL supports) that told me a story of something that happened to her (or was it her daughter?) and I turned it into a story (back in my teen days) so. I guess there are somethings. 

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Expert? No. But I will do numerous google searches to try and figure some stuff out and get lost in a rabbit hole of “research” for a while and hope that when I do write it, it comes off as I know what I’m doing when really, I do not lol.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

haven’t really written much in this past week, and certainly nothing to be proud of, but this line hit me like a ton of bricks for Specimen Stokes and I’m in love with it:

“Because, my dear specimen, I wanted to see if you loved the danger...or if you loved me.”

[schrijverr]

Behind the Scenes

This is a story that developed from a small peek into my brain whenever I write the stories you read into a thinkpiece about writing and posting fanfiction. 

On AO3.

Ships: none (unless you wanna ship me with my keyboard lol)

Warnings: none, I suppose, but it does get a little down in the end, I was having a rough day when I wrote this, sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~

I sit on my chair before my laptop. I’m curled into myself as my fingers glide over the keyboard and my thoughts flow out of my fingertips onto the screen.

It isn’t all that late, just past midnight, but it’s already dark outside and in order to see the keys properly I have to turn on the lamp I have on my desk. With the light it’s kind of cozy here in my little nook of the world.

I look to the screen and try to make sense of my own words. I don’t have a fully fledged idea yet, but a vague idea that floated through my brain at some point during the day has inspired me enough to open a new document and start typing.

I now know how this story begins and I see where I am going and how it will end, but the question of how I get there sits heavily on my mind.

I stop typing for a moment and think. If I introduce this character now, it might set some other things in motion and that’ll be good for the plot, but I don’t know how to write that character at all and I’m afraid that if I do it wrong, people won’t like me or my story.

I sigh and realize I’ve started almost every new paragraph with the same word. I hate it when I do that. The story starts to feel repetitive and as a non native English speaker I want to prove that I have a bigger vocabulary than that.

How to proceed?

A synonym, maybe? But I’ll have to look that up and I don’t think there is a good synonym for I. Sighing again I scan the page and think. Maybe I could start with a verb to shake things up a bit or a question. No, not a question that would feel out of place here.

Now I’ve written a few paragraphs again, so I could use the word I used before, but since I used it so many times already I want a bit more space between now and the next time I use it. So a synonym it is, I guess, I think as I open my browser to look one up.

…

There is no synonym for I.

Goddammit, I think. Well, it’s no use now anyway. I’ve decided to write this story in the first person, despite knowing I’m horrible at it, and now I have to deal with the fact that I don’t have another word for I.

I start my next paragr- no that’s not right. Backspace, backspace. Moving on to the next- No, not that either. Backspace, backspace. I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t, hmm, what’s a good word there?

I know I have a good word in Dutch ‘voortborduren’, but when I translate it, it gives me elaborate, which doesn’t fit in the sentence at all. Mentally groaning I recline in my chair as I try to think.

Maybe it’s the sentence itself? Lets see what did I write again? Oh yeah: I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t- and then I need to find a word. Hm, funny, I don’t know how to go on by the sentence about not knowing how to go on.

‘I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t’, I whisper it to myself in the hope the right word comes to mind.

First there is nothing, but then! Expand! Not perfect, but it fits, which is good enough for now, maybe when I proof read it a better word will come to me and I can use that.

So, expand. I wonder why I wrote something I can’t expand upon.

Fuck, I’ve spend so much time finding the right word that I have forgotten what I was talking, well writing, about in the first place. Softly swearing under my breath I scroll up and read what came before the sentence with the stupidly hard word to think off.

Ah yeah, it was about the other stupid thing, namely that I am writing this in the first person, which I still cannot do, no that skill has not come to me in the time it took to look up a word. What a pity.

But I have started the last few paragraphs with something other than I from time to time. That at least is something. Wait, should I add punctuation there? That, at least, is something. Looks better, but maybe that is just my love for commas talking. I mean, why write a boring sentence with a dot in the middle, which makes it short and doesn’t give you enough space to play with it, when you can also add unnecessary punctuation, so that you can play with the cadence of how something is read out loud or in someones mind?

Whoops, now that whole paragraph is long, if I want to make this story easy to read I’ll have to make this one shorter. Hmm, is this good? Yeah, probably. Enter.

Now, I’m suddenly wondering, if paragraph is even the right word. In Dutch the word is ‘alinea’ and the word ‘paragraaf’ also means chapter, but not really, only in a school book. It doesn’t really make sense, because you also have a chapter in a schoolbook and that’s divided in paragraphs and each paragraph has ‘alinea’s’

Aaand I’ve distracted myself by thinking about the differences between each language instead of looking up if paragraph is actually the right word and it means what I think it means.

I look it up on Google translate, not the most trustworthy source for sentences, but for lone words it’s alright.

It is the right word, along with indention, but I’m not really familiar with that word, although I can see where it comes from with the paragraphs creating indentions in the text. Still, I decide to stick with paragraphs, cause “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and I live by that.

Looking back to the clock in the corner of my screen I realize that I’ve now been writing this for 40 minutes. It isn’t all that long, but I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore. I had a point when I began and now I’ve forgotten it.

I stretch my arms, by pushing away my chair, leaning forward until my shoulders are at the same height of my desk is. My right shoulder cracks, it has always done that, but the sound snaps me out of my musings and makes me pay more attention to my surroundings.

It is raining outside and I hear people screaming. They sound happy, probably celebrating something and drinking, but I still wondered what they’re doing up so late (ignoring the fact that I am still awake too.)

Right, my word document. I was trying to remember what my point was. No wait, not remember, recall sounds better. I double click remember and replace it with recall: I was trying to recall what my point was.

Although I have found a nice sentences with the best word to describe the action, I still don’t know what comes next. I suddenly begin to doubt myself. Maybe this was a dumb idea. Maybe I’ve read this somewhere before and I am unconsciously copying someone. Maybe I should just delete this and move on to something else.

I mean, come on, who wants to read this? No one. I’m just going to post it, knowing that no one cares and no one will read it. People don’t go to AO3 for original works, you don’t, so why would anyone care about it? It’s going to get five hits tops, with maybe two kudos, three if you’re lucky.

And now I have accidentally switched to a second person perspective, can’t even stay consistent. Maybe if I play it off as an introspection or and internal dialogue no one will notice or think it’s an artistic choice.

Pff, artistic choice. You can hardly call what I’m doing artistic. It’s just fanfiction, a hobby. Yeah, I know that is still good and can be great, even amazing and artfully written, but this isn’t. I have a too direct writing style for that. I’ve only been getting English education for six years and it’ll take so much more practice until I ever reach that level.

I’ve gotten off track completely now. I faintly remember that this started out as a mock internal dialogue of what happens when I write a fanfic, but now it turned into a self deprecating shit parade.

I blink long and hard, trying to get my head back on track and write something better, or at least more consistent.

Realizing that in order to do that I should probably scroll up and read (lets be honest scan) how I started. I don’t have the energy for it, but I force myself to do it with a sigh.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Ah, yeah, I began with where I was and then that discussion about language and looking things up. Oh, but I’ve also reflected on what I’ve written before, well, before. Then it was about re-finding what I was doing after I had to look up a word and now it is desperately trying to remember what the actual fuck I was doing in an attempt to make something cohesive, but still. I decide to not do that again.

I still don’t know what my point was when I started this, but I’m making a new one up right now. I think I’m going to call the work ‘behind the scenes’ or ‘the thoughts of a writer’, since I have now decided that this is a way to get readers a peek behind the curtains.

As a reader, I can respect people so much for all the work they put into a story. And of course I’m not saying you can’t do that if you don’t write, no, that would be pretentious, but I do have more respect for them than before I started writing all those years ago.

It is really easy to forget that something you read in a few minutes has taken hours to write. This is not even 2k words long right now. I know I can read that in a few minutes, not even blinking and mostly forgetting, before moving on to the next story, but I have been writing almost nonstop for over an hour now.

I am lucky that I can usually keep the words flowing long enough to make some bullshit up that I can reason into a coherent story in the end, but that has taken practice. A lot of practice.

In order to become a good in writing a story you have to do it so many times and you won’t even notice you’ve gotten better until much later. I know this, because I recently went through all my works and made them better. Got all the typos out there, I fixed vague sentences and I made the lay out better. I also cringed a lot.

Well, I think I have to go with a ‘behind the scenes’ now, because I don’t think I can claim this is my internal monologue when I’m writing. Instead this has turned into a think piece about writing and appreciating it or something.

I don’t even know anymore.

I recall I had a point when I started this, probably thought it out and then my brain decided to throw it away and throw up this garbage instead. It is interesting, I suppose, but not at all what I was going for in the beginning.

Oh well, maybe I can fix it when I proof read it, because I am tired and I think I’m going to bed. I have half the mind to just fuck it and throw it on AO3 without glancing over my own words even once. It’s very tempting to leave others to deal with these honest words and pretend they aren’t mine, but I don’t.

However, I don’t think I will edit this that much, because it was nice to get some frustrations on, well not paper, but on screen. Just order my thoughts, you know?

It is hard to stay motivated when it seems that everyone around you is doing so much better than you. It is disheartening and it makes you want to stop.

I don’t.

I can’t.

Writing is what I do, it helps, it’s nice. I love writing and I don’t think I will stop loving it. But one of the reasons I love writing is because it can get the constant thoughts and ideas to stop swirling around in my head.

Today I needed it to stop, so that I could just go to sleep properly and I feel like this helped. It was honest and I feel better now. Tomorrow can come at me and I will face it like I did today. Maybe my last few fics weren’t to everyones taste and that’s okay, they were my taste and I love them and I am proud of them. For me that’s enough.

I would apologize for ranting, I usually do, but since you could stop at any time and leave, I don’t think I’m going to do that, what I am going to do, is thank you.

Thank you for reading this, despite the fact that it is not a fanfic. Thank you for allowing me to just dump all these thoughts on you. And thank you for being here and clicking it, your support, even if it is only an extra number by “hits”, means so incredibly much to me and I cannot put in to words how grateful I am that you are here.

Since it is now 01:18 and if I recall correctly it was 00:02 when I started, I think I am really going to stop now. Goodnight, or good-whatever time a day you’re reading this!

Goodbye :)

[dreamy-heichou]

Anime Tag Game

I was tagged by @roxi4, thank you so much!! :D This was a lot of fun though some questions got me thinking really hard lol

1. Last anime you watched?

It’s a new anime movie on Netflix called A Whisker Away (or Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu), it was really cute, funny and touching!

2. Last anime you binged watched?

Beastars. I was a little reluctant to start watching it but once I started I couldn’t stop lol

3. Recommend an anime and state your reason?

CAROLE & TUESDAY

This anime has everything: cute moments, funny moments, serious topics and a bit of angst. It’s about two girls trying to find their place in the new world they live in, Mars, which is where some part of humanity went because of the decaying state of Earth. They both have their struggles, their stories, but what unite them is music. The show is centered on them trying to make their debut in the music industry on Mars, and wow is the music amazing in this anime! All the songs are in English (except one in French) which was a real surprise for a Japanese anime, but it suits the characters perfectly! Totally recommend giving it a try!

4. Anime you have not finished watching yet?

I have a few lol, though right now I can’t remember which one and MAL decided to not work right when I’m doing this akjld

5. An anime you do NOT recommend and state your reason?

Okay, so before I go into this, just know one thing: I love Tokyo Ghoul. I really do, but I love the original story, the manga.

Concerning the anime: the first season was okay, they deleted a few things which I found was a shame, but it wasn’t bad.  But Tokyo Ghoul √A... It was a complete disaster and ruined the story and the characters (especially Kaneki ugh) imo. It makes things so confusing if you want to watch Tokyo Ghoul:re afterwards too!

So yeah, if you want to give Tokyo Ghoul a try, honestly I wouldn’t recommend Tokyo Ghoul √A at all. Read the manga, read a synopsis of this part of the story online if you want to watch the rest of the anime, but not this season.

6. List your top 5 favourite anime?

Oh boi I never know... I haven’t watched that much anime tbh (I prefer reading manga) and not as many caught my attention to the point that I can call them ‘favourite’, but I’ll try...

Shingeki no Kyojin

Sword Art Online (I know what most people think of this anime but I don’t care. It’s a flawed show but I love it nonetheless. I’m a simple person)

Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works

Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (they’re going to make a new adaptation soon I can’t wait!!!)

Fruits Basket 2019 (the anime hasn’t finished airing yet but it’s one of my favorite manga and the new adaptation is amazing!)

7. Of your top 5 anime, list 2 of your favourite ships from each show?

Snk: Ereri (duh!) and um... I have several other ships I enjoy but none stand out more than another honestly :/

SAO: Kirito x Eugeo (my second OTP, love them!!) and that’s it lol

Fate: Shiro x Rin

Higurashi: Keiichi x Rena

Furuba: Kyo x Tohru and Kureno x Arisa

8. Of your top 5 anime, list 1 ship that you do not like?

I haven’t said that one a lot because I’m not about spreading hate, and unless someone asks me I see no point in talking about it. Only my friends knew to this point... Eru**ri. Like just... No.

9. Of your top 5 anime, list 1 crack ship?

Ajdkdj I don’t know?? I’m not a big shipper usually, SnK is an exception, and I don’t think any can be called a crack ship lol 

10. Of your top 5 anime, list your favourite character from each show?

Levi Ackerman (SnK)

Kirito (SAO)

Oh damn... Rin or Archer I guess lol (Fate)

Rena <3 (Higurashi)

Kyo Soma (Furuba)

11. List 3 of your husbando/waifu and what anime they are from?

Levi (SnK) - my #1 and the man who owns my heart

Kirito (SAO)

Gavin/Haku (Koi to Producer : Evol x Love) -  I’m totally cheating with that one because the anime hasn’t aired yet lol but it’s from a game that I’ve been playing every day for almost a year now and this man is definitely 100% my husbando, can’t wait to see him animated!! (Haku is his Japanese name apparently but in the English version of the game he’s called Gavin)

12. Favourite anime genre?

Damn, again, I have no idea lol. I guess I like it when there’s not too much drama and not too much humor, like just the right amount of both? Then I like when there’s a touch of fantasy, or if it’s an Isekai. It’s easier for me to say which genre I don’t like tbh lol

13. Weirdest anime you have seen?

Weirdest? Hmm... Let’s go with Shinsekai Yori (From the New World) Honestly I liked that anime, some parts were total genius like holy damn! But when I started watching it I was so confused and kept asking myself “what am I watching? What’s going on?” but I kept watching it nonetheless because I was so curious :’) It isn’t a bad kind of weird, but some parts really grossed me out, like.. The rats... *shivers*

14. Subbed or dubbed?

Subbed, always!!

15. Fanart or Fanfic?

I only read fanfics for Snk tbh (once upon a time I was reading Naruto fics lol), so let’s say Fanart (tho I like both)

16. Protagonist or antagonist?

Depends on the character and the story, but mostly protagonist

17. Funniest anime you have seen?

I haven’t watched a lot of comedy anime, so I’ll go with Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO)

18. Saddest anime you have seen?

Oh boi... I have a few for which I cried my eyes out honestly...

First: Uta Kata. I’ll never forget how fucking depressed I felt at the end of this anime. I watched it in middle school and the ending got to me so hard, I still remember how I felt even after all this time (I wonder how I’ll feel if I rewatched it now?)

Then there’s also Clannad, I was crying my eyes out for several episodes in the After Story, and since Roxi mentioned it, AnoHana. 

19. Anime character you dislike the most?

Okay, easy one. No matter how many times I see him, no matter in which version because somehow he’s like a cockroach and can’t stay in one fucking anime, I always feel like putting my hands inside my computer and strangle him: Mato Shinji.

It’s insane how he was voiced by the same seiyuu who gave his voice to my favorite character of all times! It blew my mind when I realized that; Kamiya Hiroshi sure is an amazing voice actor!

20. Recommend an anime movie?

I highly recommend the first movie I talked about, A Whisker Away, but that’s not the one I want to recommend now though.

Maquia: When the Promised Flower Blooms (or Sayonara no Asa ni Yakusoku no Hana wo Kazarou)

This movie is just simply amazing and beautiful, though I must warn you that the plot is quite angsty. Like I definitely cried at the end of that movie too. It’s set in a fantasy world, and... okay I suck at summary so let me just copy/paste one:

“Though only 15, Maquia knows she will live for centuries without aging past adolescence. She belongs to the Iorph, a clan of ageless beings just like her. Maquia's elders warn her not to fall in love with anyone outside their realm, lest she wish to encounter true loneliness in the end. But fate pushes Maquia out into the mortal world one night, when an invading territory separates her from the clan. There she discovers an orphaned baby, Ariel, and takes him in as her own child. From this point, Maquia will suffer extreme heartbreak in the name of motherhood, as she watches Ariel grow and seeks to reconnect with her lost Iorph friends, all torn apart by the cruel world of Mesate.” 

100% recommend it if you’re not afraid of drama and like fantasy!!

------

Damn that was a long tag game!! Sorry, I ramble a lot :’)

I tag: @talkereritome, @dearlevily, @soapy0-0, @jaegerists, @flamoria, and anybody else who wants to do this! It’s a long one so only do it if you’re up to the challenge ;)

[dhwty-writes]

15, 23, 37 for the ask game? <3 /witcher-and-his-bard

Thanks for the you questions, lovely <3 @witcher-and-his-bard

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? 

OWBABH, hands down. That’s not even a question lol. Or my original work, though I suppose that doesn’t really count as fic

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

The first fanfic I ever wrote in English, Zutara Week 2018. First of all, my English has improved a lot since then, so there’s a lot of stuff I’d word differently. I also don’t agree with some of the characterisation choices I made there. The only reason why it’s still up is that I have deleted so many fics in the past and don’t want to do that anymore

37. Talk about your current wips.

Ohh, you spoil me! I love talking about my WiPs lol. I try to keep this as short as possible, so I’ll just talk abut the two things I’ve been working on this past week

The first is the new chapter of OWBABH, where I’m currently writing a banquet. It’s a lot of fun, but the progress is a bit slow, mostly because I’m also writing my Secret Santa fic. That’s the reason why I’m currently knee deep in some literary analysis of Her Sweet Kiss and Toss A Coin, since I’m trying to figure out Jaskier’s style to copy it. That’s all I can say about that, though, I’m afraid!

[eloarei]

About the process of creating a book (the not-writing part)

I was asked recently about if making a book was easy or tedious or whatever, and I realized that was actually something I’d like to talk about. I’d never done it before (and still I only have a little experience), but I’ve been teaching myself and it’s been... fun?  Behind the cut (that’s still a thing, right?), I ramble about formatting, PDFs, fonts, and some other stuff. (Also pictures, though most of them are the same as the ones I posted yesterday.) 

First of all, I had to pick a Print-On-Demand (POD) website. That was easy for me, because finding the website was actually what made me want to make the book. I used Lulu.com, which has worked very well for me the two times I’ve used it. (It has a bunch of bad reviews, but honestly I got just what I paid for both times. They apparently offer editing and marketing services; I can’t vouch for those because I only used the POD service. But personally I wouldn’t trust anyone to edit or market my book, let alone some randos on some website. They’re a POD site. That’s what they’re good at, so that’s what I use.)  It would have been almost too easy if they just let me copy-paste the text to them, but understandably they wanted a PDF. PDFs are kind of the bane of my existence, but I downloaded a template from them (for a 6x9 inch novel, with appropriate margins) and then copy-pasted my fic into it using LibreOffice. (I’m so-so about LibreOffice, but it does create PDFs reasonably well.)  From there... well, then I had to go through the process of reformatting it. I’d copied the text from my AO3, and that meant that it had spaces between every paragraph and no indents, which is how AO3 fics are typically formatted. It was a lot of Tab-Left-Down-Down-Down-Backspace-Backspace-Enter-Repeat. For 140k words, it took a few casual days.  After the bulk of that was done, I realized the indents/tabs looked... weird? They were too big. ^^; Luckily there was a setting in LibreOffice to change them all automatically. I almost cried at the thought of having to do it manually haha.  Adding data to the headers and footers came next. I chose to only add the page number to the footer, and nothing to the header. Normally people will have the author’s name on one side, and the book’s title on the other, but I skipped that for the time being. Not sure if I’ll do it for the ‘official’ release.  (Somehow my footer ended up being too small, so that’s something I need to look into.)  Next I had to pick a font and a font size. I decided to do something a little gimmicky: I have alternating chapters that take place in modern and historical times, so I chose different fonts to represent those chapters. For the historical chapters I chose “Century”, which is a serif font (meaning that it has little embellishments, like “Times New Roman”), while for the modern chapters I chose “Verdana”, a sans-serif font (meaning that it is sans/without the embellishments, like whatever font Tumblr uses).  It’s typically agreed that novels are best in serif fonts, because it’s easier to read them for a long session. The embellishments make the letters blend together into visually recognizable words, which is apparently how we read, as opposed to looking at every letter individually. However, because I wanted to be quirky, more than half of my book is in sans-serif, which I’m just hoping doesn’t annoy people.  I used Verdana size 11 and Century size 12. Even so, the Verdana still looks too large to my eye, so I’ll probably change it again.  After that was mostly aesthetic formatting, which was the actual fun part. I tabbed down I think about 10 spaces at the start of every chapter, then went back up a space or two, increased the font size and changed the font to something slightly fancier and wrote the chapter title (which for me were just “Chapter Five”, etc).  (UPON FURTHER SCRUTINY, apparently not all of my first chapter pages are tabbed down the same amount. ugh. ^^; They’re close but not identical. How messy.)  Under the chapter titles, I simulated “drop caps” on the first phrase of the chapter, because I didn’t have a good drop caps font. I just did this by retyping the whole phrase in caps, and then changing the first letter to a slightly larger font size.  Next were a few easy things: a title page, a few silly “praise for” pages of reviews I got from online readers (these probably won’t be in the “official” version; they just make me smile), a mock-up copyright page (mock-up because I don’t actually have a copyright or anything yet), a short dedications page (mine was just one sentence), and then an empty page so that the story text starts on the right, which is standard. I have bought another self-published book which otherwise looks pretty good, but it starts the story on the left page and it’s just so jarring.  At that point, the PDF was pretty much done. I added a few other little touches, like some little fancy dagger icons during in-chapter scene transitions. I ended up with the “the end” page being on the left, which, again, is really awkward, so I found a chapter that only had like two lines on the last page, and went back in and deleted a handful of words in the chapter so that it would end on the previous page instead.  THEN came the fun but agonizing part, as I’m not as much of a graphic designer as I sometimes wish. I had to make a cover. The other self-published book I bought looks really nice with a beautiful illustration on the front, but the spine and back had just tiny white text, and didn’t even include a synopsis. So I downloaded a template for a 6x9inch wrap-around cover, tossed it up in Photoshop, paint-bucketed it black, and went to work. I pasted in my synopsis in off-white sans-serif font about the same as my internal font, and bolded some of the key words for... ease of skimming and/or funsies? At the top I added a short dialogue exchange from the first chapter that I thought represented the story as a whole, chose a different font that stood out, and gave it a red shadow so it would stand out more. For fun I added some faint red blood-splatters behind the text.  For the front I chose a big bold block-letter font in off-white, then gave it a red and a yellow shadow so it would stand out. I rasterized the font (turning it into a picture), and then used the tool to highlight the letters, and splashed some red blood-splatters on them. I did the same for the spine. (Though really what I should have done was copy the logo from the front and resize it. Silly me. Now the two logos don’t match.)  I used Unsplash.com for a few free photos that I quickly manipulated into a passable cover art. Ultimately, I would like to have something either professionally photographed, edited, or drawn, but what I found was vaguely similar enough to what I wanted that I figured it’d do for now.  Maybe the last thing I had to do (besides uploading it all to Lulu) was decide on a pen-name! I ended up going with L.A.Rayborn, instead of my legal name. I used my legal first two initials, but chose my birth surname (which is twice removed from my legal name, since I was first adopted and then married). To be perfectly honest, the reason I chose not to use my legal name is mostly because I don’t want to associate my in-laws with possibly-sensitive content that they probably wouldn’t like.  SO. Then it was done, and I uploaded it to Lulu, and chose a few options on the site, such as cream pages instead of white, and matte exterior finish instead of gloss. (I highly suggest the cream for novels, but the matte is really just personal preference.) I paid them (I ended up getting it printed and shipped to me for under $20), and then about 2 weeks later I had the 400 page darling in my hands, ready to be eviscerated with a set of neon hi-lighters!  After this current round of edits, I already know there’s a ton of stuff I’m going to have to fix (and this is to say nothing of the story).  1. The font is slightly too large, but could probably use a 1.5 or maybe 1.2 spacing between lines. I’ll have to fiddle with it, and see what others do.  2. The back cover text is too close to the edges to really look good.  3. The page numbering just looks odd for some reason.  4. Figure out how to get the page numbers to stay off the copyright and dedications page, etc.  5. MORE THAN ANYTHING, I need to change the... I’m not even sure what to call it? I need to make the text space out evenly so that it creates a block on each page, rather than creating messy ridges on the right margins. I didn’t even think of this until I got the book and started comparing it to professional books I’ve read and enjoyed. It seems like a very rookie mistake. 

(lol I’m in the process of changing the main character’s name, which is why the crappy MS Paint edits.)  PHEW, that was long. But hopefully my journey was at least a little insightful. Please do let me know if you have any thoughts, questions, or suggestions about how I could better format the book for the “real” printing! 

[comicteaparty]

June 10th-June 16th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from June 10th, 2020 to June 16th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following  question:

How does poor web design affect if and/or how you read a particular webcomic?

carcarchu

it's a huge factor. if a comic is amazing in every way but the website or app makes it difficult for me to read i'm simply NOT going to read it. there are a lot of great series that i've put on the back burner just because the website is so annoying to navigate

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i've honestly never run into a website so bad it stopped me from reading a comic i was interested in

carcarchu

FYI the worst comic app i've ever experienced is Aqua Kiss which I downloaded to read a single series. it's the most barebones app imaginable with no search bar. if you want to read something you actually have to manually load each calendar week to find it and some stuff are buried dozens of pages back. and to make matters worse it doesn't have a "history" or "bookmarks" feature either

Deo101 [Millennium]

The worst things with sites that I see often are 1: huge headers, and 2: laggy sites (not really site design, but its adjacent I think) Another is if the pages are too big on the screen, so you can't, for instance, see some panels all at once. Those kinds of things can really ruin a reading experience for me

carcarchu

One example of a website that is hostile to the reading experience is ZMYK which for some reason hosts vertical scroll comics but cuts them up into little pieces as if they were comic format so you can't actually scroll through the entire chapter as it was intended to

That kind of thing grinds my gears so much how can something you have to pay for be that incredibly bad

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've also seen some sites that have graphic design issues, where elements are illegible due to their color, and some have very busy and distracting backgrounds. Those kinds of things won't necessarily ruin it, but they're distracting

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

forward comic's website was doing this weird thing where the further I read the longer pages took to load. Near the end it seemed they were taking 10 full seconds. Still read the whole thing though. Reading manga on shady sites with terrible internet connection as a kid has desensitized me

Oh one comic I was interested in but didn't read because of the site: I was kidnapped by lesbian pirates from outer space. It doesn't have a website. To read it you have to pirate (hehe) copies of the archive.

It's a pretty sad story- the author was young and tricked into giving up the rights to her series

She ended up taking the site down to prevent the company from getting any more money off of it

https://rosalarian.tumblr.com/post/65353128180/its-with-extreme-sadness-that-i-announce-that-my

Here's her post about it

I think it can be a good warning message to us

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

For me, the biggest thing that deters me from reading a comic is if the website isn't well optimized for mobile (as someone who reads a lot on the go). This includes the images loading bigger than the page, or navigation being hidden on mobile, or glitchy scrolling, or any number of ungodly things. Also, too many ads. That'll turn me away in a heartbeat.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah ads are definitely a huge turnoff for me too

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

FYI the worst comic app i've ever experienced is Aqua Kiss which I downloaded to read a single series. it's the most barebones app imaginable with no search bar. if you want to read something you actually have to manually load each calendar week to find it and some stuff are buried dozens of pages back. and to make matters worse it doesn't have a "history" or "bookmarks" feature either

@carcarchu okay i just digested this comment and wtf

no search bar is laughably bad omg

how did you even find out about it

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah that's ridiculous hahahaha

carcarchu

it's a shame because there are genuinely good comics on there you can't read anywhere else?? and i found it because an artist i adore did a series for it but it got AXED after only 2 chapters and after that was pretty much scrubbed from the internet. i think it's a shame because it really had so much potential and it ended before the story was really able to start

it's a screenshot from the app. you can see that it is categorized reverse chronologically by week

the point of aqua kiss is to emulate monthly/weekly style manga magazines but in app form. however i think the execution of this idea was horrendous

SteffieMusings

Oh no! It must make reading there so challenging. As for me, if the navigation is so hard to understand/pages don't load properly when you click a link or when the website's colours hurt my eyes so much I can't stay there for too long.

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Honestly nowadays most of the CMS's out there share the same basic functionality and adaptability, so it's getting harder to screw up on that. Most sites are OK, if only a bit laggy. If the site takes less than 2 seconds to load and it's not so crowded that I have to look for the comic, I'm generally good.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

How much bad/inaccessible web design I'll tolerate is directly proportional to how much I care about the comic.

I've dropped a couple series in the middle of the archive just because they changed the site design to screw up the tracking of bookmarking sites, so I would've had to figure out an alternate way to keep track of it, and it didn't seem worth the effort

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Oh yeah, I've totally had that happen too where I was deep into an archive, had taken a reading break for a month or two, and came back to find the urls had been updated and my spot was lost it isn't so bad if a comic also has an archive page, but ive stopped reading a few stories that it would have been too hard to track down where I was.

DaeofthePast

I haven’t had to experience weird websites in a while, but I do sometimes go to an unknown website to read the comic/manga I’m looking for. Mostly what I’ve had trouble with is unnumbered chapters, of that it’s unclear where/how to start reading in general.(edited)

Like, I get to the page for that specific comic and then there’s no easy “start reading here” button anywhere

And when I do find the chapters list, I don’t know which end of the list is the beginning bc it’s unnumbered

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Is a "First page" button enough or are you looking for a "new readers start here" button? (<- is redisigning her page)

DaeofthePast

Is there a difference? :0

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

hm, sometimes yes.

Some old running comics have different jump-on points (schlock mercenary for example).

DaeofthePast

Ooh I see

Well when I first go on the site, I just want to start reading so idk

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

So, I always try to read every comic that's featured in the book club all the way through. Like even if I don't particularly like the opening, or if the comic is thousands of pages long, or I don't have time to meaningfully discuss the comic, I do try to at least give the comic a fair shake by reading through the entire archive. There have been four exceptions. One was because of content (it was a gag a day comic, and the content was SO horrible for SO long that I just couldn't stand it anymore. real "punching down" type of humor). Another was because the comic was literally deleted before I could get to it. The remaining two were because the site design/organization were so awful that the comics were unreadable. One of the two comics had a custom built, hand-coded site (I assume), and it just... didn't work properly. Like the "previous" button seemingly took you to a random page, the "next" button and the "latest" button led to the same place, etc. I'm not sure the creator ever bothered to test the site. The other one used some pre-built stuff, so it was ok... but you had to scroll to the top of the page to go to the next page. Not only that, but the author was posting all their comics to the same archive - which means one page would be the comic that was actually meant to be read for the book club and the next few pages were a completely different comic entirely. And this wasn't a gag-a-day either - it was a story based comic, so the three action minimum to get to the next page made things absolute hell to keep track of.(edited)

DaeofthePast

Wow

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Uff, yeah, that sounds horrible.

Nyx+Nyssa's page is currently a barebone mess, but I made at least sure the navigation works. :/

DaeofthePast

Having the comic be deleted while you’re reading it sounds like such a weird experience lmao

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

i mean, it wasn't thanos snap style lol

DaeofthePast

Was the website gone too or?

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

it was in between days

nah the website was still there, it's just that the author had decided to reboot their comic and forgot that they had submitted it to the book club

DaeofthePast

Oh okay I imagined Thanos snap style

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Not really a design but a site thing: I can't do comics without an archive of some sort. On platforms like Tapas or WT, the episode list serves that purpose perfectly fine. I personally need to be able to see how many pages there are, and I need a way to go to specific pages easily. It might sound like a small complaint, but it's a big thing for me! There have been comics that piqued my interest, but once I saw that there was no archive of any form, I left forever. Sure, I might be missing out, but there are also lots of good comics out there that have accessible archives. My life isn't long enough to read them all, so I'm letting myself be very picky.

copperine

I can manage a very basic site just fine. But if a site is hard to navigate, or just makes reading the page/getting to the next page difficult - I'd be likely to give up eventually. Doesn't matter about the quality of the comic, but if it's a chore to just read it, it's going to put me off after a while

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I will note - if you want me to actually discuss your comic in the book club, please do have an archive link, and probably a cast page too. Like the lack of one doesn't stop me from reading entirely, but I can't discuss anything without being able to look back at specific moments. (and one of those archives that just has dates doesn't count - lemme know what the chapter is!)

copperine

For example - when I read webcomics on dA, I was absolutely fine with either the author having a dedicated folder with the pages in order. Another option was to link next and prev pages in the description. But if I had to go find each next page, I just wouldn't.

DaeofthePast

By an archive do you mean kinda like a chapters list?

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

A list of all the pages, ideally

That also list the chapters somehow

copperine

Short version: if I feel like I'm spending half as much time navigating the site as I am actually reading, it's gonna get old real quick

DaeofthePast

And same copperine. As long as it’s organized well, I will probably read it

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Like maybe you click on a chapter link to get to a list of the pages, or maybe it's just a list of the pages with the chapter names as headers

some sort of organization

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah! (I admit my own comic's archive page isn't the prettiest, but it's 100% functional.)

DaeofthePast

I only have a chapter list so far ^^; idk how to go about getting an archive

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Chapter list is totally fine if your chapters tend to be on the shorter side

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I like having chapter lists around, although coding them can be a handful Not sure if to go for an archive with thumbnails or just with page numbers though.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's also workable if you also have like... a dropdown menu for individual pages on the actual pages? So it only takes 2 clicks to go to a specific page (first click to go to the chapter, second click to go to the page)

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

OH yeah, there was also a dA comic in the book club once that didn't have any next/previous buttons. However, it was a short comic - the bare minimum for getting into the book club - so I still read it all the way through. But it was pretty annoying to do so. (it was also pretty obviously a fetish comic, but that's not really relevant to the discussion XD)

DaeofthePast

I want to post by scene so I’ll be dividing chapters like “chapter 3 part 1” to hopefully that will be better

copperine

I'll always take functional over pretty

DaeofthePast

Haha I’m not sure if I want to know the comic for that one

Also what is “punching down” humor?

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Like, the author was a straight man, and nearly every joke was making fun of people who weren't those things.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's like making fun of people but

copperine

Yikes

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

you're intentially trying to put them down

that's punching down in my imo rip

DaeofthePast

Oh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah....

DaeofthePast

Well at least I know what to call it when I see it in the future ._.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Like, occasionally I see a shitty joke in a comic and I keep reading because maybe the author improved (we do sometimes get comics with archives that date back decades in here) But this comic was just so consistently awful for so long that I couldn't stand it

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oof that aint good

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Though that's kinda off topic lol

DaeofthePast

Oh yeah

So bad site design...

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Anyway, I don't really wanna post the examples of the comics I talked about in here cuz I don't wanna call anyone out

Actually, hold on, lemme check something

DaeofthePast

I feel I haven’t had too much experience with bad site designs, but I might have just forgotten(edited)

K

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

ok yeah

so, the comic where you had to scroll up to the top of each page to click to the next one, and the site was multiple comics alternating pages that made the story rough to follow

copperine

Oof yeah having to scroll up to click next won't stop me but it is a bother

DaeofthePast

I like having the next button both on top and the bottom, even if they update page by page(edited)

It just feels convinient

copperine

Yeah same

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Re: punching up/down, here's an overly simplistic set of examples: billionaires making fun of poor people is punching down. Poor people making fun of billionaires is punching up.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

's good webdesign pattern for everything with continous content - e.g. blogs, web-novels, webcomics.

Ideally you have one on top, between content and comments and under comments

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

the comic that alternated storylines & required scrolling back up to go to the next page was Antibunny: http://vinnied.comicgenesis.com/d/20061002.html if you see that page I linked and click next a few times, there's no obvious distinction between the main story and the spinoff story (no, like, header change between the two, and the art style looks similar), so you can see how it'd be confusing to follow and the scrolling is just icing on the cake (it used to be even worse) the only reason I feel comfortable sharing that is because the author uploaded the comics to new sites, and fixed all those issues in the process: http://antibunny.net/

DaeofthePast

Oh nice. So they realized the problem

copperine

Aren't they in this server? Or am I thinking of another one

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Yeah, the author is in this server

copperine

I thought so

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Hence why he realized, because we told him that there was a problem during the book club

copperine

I'm not gonna take anything said here as a comment on anyway btw

DaeofthePast

It’s cool that submitting their comic to the tea party resulted in some good feedback :3

copperine

You love to see it!

It always makes me happy when webcomic community stuff helps people out, that seems like the ideal outcome

DaeofthePast

Yess

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i agree on that yeee

DaeofthePast

It’s like having a friend point out a spelling mistake. Embarrassing but you can live with the knowledge that your work is now a little bit better(edited)

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Yeah kinda off-topic, but I love it when the author of the comic for the book club joins the server. Like not only does it mean that the author could join in on others' discussions in the future (pay it forward 'n stuff), but... it's just really sad when I see a comic pop up in the book club and the author seemingly forgot they submitted it.

DaeofthePast

How long does it usually take to get to a comic? :0 that they would forget they submitted it?

copperine

I always hope I can help others out or support them, and I hope they feel the same

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The book club had a very very long wait list in the past. These days, not so long.

DaeofthePast

And I guess if you submit a comic with a website, the people here can be your beta testers

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

what's odd is that five months ago, the wait list was six months but now, the wait list is two months y'all need to submit/resubmit your comics

DaeofthePast

I tried going to submit mine yesterday and the site doesn’t let me v.v says you’re booked for July

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

oh yeah, so it is

DaeofthePast

Maybe later :3

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

i guess Rebel doesn't want the queue to get too long

copperine

I would submit mine but I'm only at 10 pages and I believe you need to have 20 to submit

DaeofthePast

Ooh they have a minimum?

Gotta count my pages now

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean it makes sense. Hard to discuss a comic that only has the cover for chapter 1

DaeofthePast

XD

Tru

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

"Let us dissect this cover image for an entire week"

DaeofthePast

It would be a hilarious April fools challenge

copperine

Idk I think it was 20 minimum?

DaeofthePast

shrug

copperine

@snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights) can you shed any light on this

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The sign up form is where you would normally find that information.

copperine

... very good point

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But the form is currently unavailable, and it's possible that Rebel might change the requirement when it becomes available again

copperine

Ah

Thank you for the heads up

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

FYI, https://comicteaparty.com/ is where the form will be available eventually

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

They accept resubmissions now?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I def like arrows on the top and bottom of pages for sites to be more of a thing, as well as clicking the image for the next page too! Honestly there hasn't been a make or break, mainly preferences, and the most complaints i have are with the mobile formatting. I think most comics have been pretty solid in functionality that i've read, and it's clear that having their own website is becoming mainstream enough for there to be help, tips, and tricks to making it work!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I definitely prefer if I can just click on the comic image to go to the next page especially for mobile.

copperine

Agreed!

Idk about resubmissions tho

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

... Wow. I absolutely HATE clickable images on mobile, because they usually mess with the pinch-zoom.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

i've had sites that didnt have image click throughs and the arrow..... was like SO TINY XD

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Didn't think anyone would actually like it, so... huh.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

i kept going back and forth

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

yeah, navigation needs to be bigger on mobile for safe tapping.

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Oh, re:resubmissions, I'm pretty sure you can if it's been long enough? I think @snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights) mentioned it recently as an option. But maybe a tangent for #general

boogeymadam

i dont mind the pinch zoom being a little more difficult from time to time cause usually the clickable image is worth it to me

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Same

boogeymadam

am also fond of sites that allow left/right arrows to let you move forward and back on desktop

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Mainly it's just for like Krispy said, reading on mobile and tiny next/previous buttons.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

ye my dummy thicc fingers prefer the click through image for sure

ohh yes Boogey that too

boogeymadam

it took me hours of googling to find the very simple comicpress option to just turn that on on my site

copperine

Mmm I do like sites that allow pinch zoom though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I also prefer clicking on the image to go to the next page

mariah (rainy day dreams)

My fingers small, but still dummy T-T

copperine

It makes it easier to get a better look at the page

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

iweudhweiu Mariah XD

copperine

Especially if it's got smaller font

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

nyxandnyssa has a seperate navigation for mobile that's much bigger and skipping scene select to make tapping easier.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I've had the hover text def bum me out for some comics, where you click the image and it just displays the text, then you gotta click the tiny next bar def killed me there

copperine

I've never had issues with pinch zoom affecting clickable images but I can imagine it would be annoying

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

but! never breaks me out of a comic for me to stop reading-! i persevere in the face of adversity XD

boogeymadam

i've never encountered a site so bad i couldnt continue reading. maybe stuff where i'd stop reading until i was less frustrated but i'd come back later.

DaeofthePast

That’s something I’ll have to consider for my site then

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I feel like Smackjeeves had a really obnoxious auto pitch & zoom before they updated most recently. I like when I can turn it off on my phone. I'd rather do it myself most of the time and let my phone try to auto it X')

DaeofthePast

I usually read on desktop more often than on mobile so it’s good to hear from other’s experiences

copperine

Idk I've never used a custom site yet

boogeymadam

same dae, except on tapas and webtoons!(edited)

comics with their own website i'll boot up my computer for a single update of

DaeofthePast

Even on webtoons I read on desktop

boogeymadam

omg your power, webtoons feels so choppy on desktop to me

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

im definitely lucky that our site got a mobile friendly version i remember the 'ol pinchy zoomz was tiresome on our site for sure

DaeofthePast

I get headaches from reading on my phone unfortunately :/

Idk what the difference is between reading mobile and on a desktop but my brain doesn’t like it

Like, I can text fine???? But reading a comic for some reason is like “no”

So yeah, comics on desktop for me

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

ohh!! it could be the close proximity!

DaeofthePast

Ooh :0 maybe?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

i know i get motion sickness depending on how close/ far i am from screens

DaeofthePast

Maybe it’s something like that... :O

boogeymadam

whatever the reason sorry you get headaches and motion sickness from comics :'0

DaeofthePast

Every once in a while I’ll try again to read on mobile I never learn

boogeymadam

the only reason i dont like mobile is sometimes comics text is a combination of too small there and the font is hard on my dyslexia

DaeofthePast

Rip

boogeymadam

so i see if zooming in on my computer helps

DaeofthePast

The lesson here is that it’s good to have both mobile and desktop options

boogeymadam

yep :'D

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

ohhh yea def agree. I know that feeling and i sometimes ... have a Time reading my own work XD (i admit it lol!!)

boogeymadam

sometimes my own comic is hard on my dyslexia for The Effect so i never have hard feelings with other comics

copperine

(brb)

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

ewiudhiwue the things we do AT WHAT COST XD

DaeofthePast

Asdfghjkl

Meanwhile I use the same font for everything

boogeymadam

wait im gonna generalize this more so it can be a party

DaeofthePast

Please post that on pillowfort so I can reblog it

boogeymadam

you can post it for yourself if you want dae!

i'm having a hard time logging on asdfgjh

DaeofthePast

Rip sure

copperine

Ah see I have both

Because hand lettering

It's great for feeling right for a comic but also eternally wondering if it's readable

DaeofthePast

Ooh yeah I guess that would count as both

What’s your comic btw :0

Wait, we’re supposed to be talking about website design right

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yep! If it gets too off topic, you can always continue in another channel that's more fitting.

copperine

Ah sorry! Sure thing

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Mobile is too small for me

DaeofthePast

Yeah

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

(oHHMYYGOSH BOOGEY XD)

boogeymadam

mm archives were mentioned already, and how it can really turn readers away to simply not have one at all? my favorite archive is https://www.vaingloriouscomic.com/comic/archive 's but i've seen some where they attempted an all picture archive and it backfired by just being a page of all empty boxes. this didn't deter me from reading it and it got fixed pretty quick tho~ mine is one of these and its a very chonky slowmoving page cause i uploaded the first 90ish as fullsized pictures. nobody's ever complained so idk if it's ever deterred anyone from reading but i know i gotta fix it someday.(edited)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really dont mind any kind of web design in particular though tbh. I prefer desktop sites but it’s fine if the design isnt great

DaeofthePast

Have you guys ever gone to a comic website (for a single comic) and the colors used in the background were so bright that it felt like they were blinding you to the point it was hard to read the actual pages?

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My archive is down right now becayse it broke and I dont know how to fix it lol

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

i def want a fully view-able archive but we're gonna be hitting 800 pages and i dont know how well that will work XD

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

But I have a navigation bar now

boogeymadam

u could have multiple pages of archive, krispy!

i'm starting a new page for chapter 2

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Or dropdown menus

boogeymadam

but its probably important to have a dropdown if u have more than 1 page, yeah

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I want to switch to picture archives, but I haven't found a good plug in/way to get my word press to do it :( if anyone has recommendations...

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I wish I knew how to make dropdown menus

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

i'll have to bring that up ! we dont do the tech work for our site ( thank gosh seriously) but i love archives that show full pages

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

If I could make dropdown menus I would be unstoppable

copperine

I miss the drop-downs on SJ

boogeymadam

i feel like dropdowns are smth i pretty much only exclusively see on hiveworks comics

i wonder what their secret is,,,

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I’ve inspected the elements on so many hiveworks sites lol

I want to know

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

they use word press I think

for their comic sites

just have to do some digging with the site html and csss

copperine

Right click and inspect maybe...

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Php stands for my Personal hell pit

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

if i could go undercover for yall i would XD

boogeymadam

also!! @mariah (rainy day dreams) i use elementor for mine

its not perfect and breaks like every time i update it but it works asdfg

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

... I'm currently writing a sparkling fresh wp-plugin for my page (comic easel wasn't doing what I wanted), but I am also a software dev who enjoys coding.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My template I use functions in mostly php and xml and its gibberish to me but functions so well I dont know how to improve it to have specific things I want

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

my knowledge with site design is basic at best lmao

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

wordpress is a bit special in that it does most things more complicated than strictly necessary.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but I do like fiddling with stuff

^that too lmao

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I know Shiza of osarilho is really good at web designing? she's made some beautiful work with her site!

boogeymadam

i want to ask shiza for more help but not before i have some money to pay her :')

she's helped me a lot already

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can do html and css at the babiest level

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I'll check that out Boogey, thanks! Even if it does break X') And I guess I'll just make a note to start stashing money to hire shiza XD im definitely at the point where my site needs a general face lift, but I don't have the spoons for it.

boogeymadam

imo i've made some really pretty pges with it. it's a drag and drop that's excellent at galleries, but it doesn't like when you don't have even rows for some reason

the wordpress plugin, Elementor, i mean.

copperine

I've been wanting to try comicpress for ages

I just don't know where to start

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I'm gonna move over to #shop_talk for my response

copperine

I had someone who was gonna help me out but we lost contact so it's on the back burner

boogeymadam

OOPS yeah

copperine

But for websites in general I prefer to have one that feels very basic than one that feels too busy or crowded

I'm not a graphic designer at all lol

If I do try an independent site I'm planning to pay a coding friend to help me

DaeofthePast

yeah i have no idea what I'm doing when working on my site, it's kinda basic, but at least it looks nice

copperine

I just use a premade theme on my ComicFury site

It works and that's good enough for me so far

Oh I guess the other thing that would put me off reading a comic is if the site isn't formatted for mobile, and/or particularly if the site doesn't have adaptive formatting

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

same, but editted it hard core so it looks like it's own thing lmao

copperine

I usually read on my phone because my computer is where I work so I like to get off it for hobbies

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but for me uh i guess mobile i try to read it either on tapas, webtoon or its own site

I find just clicking the page to the next one helps me a lot lol I don't do a lot of zooming

copperine

Mmm

copperine

It's personal preference a lot tbh!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I like my comuter because its big

copperine

Valid

Mine is not

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

did anyone talk about paying me please you don't have to do that

copperine

Idk but you can pay me

Idk what for but

I'll take money

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I absolutely would have to if you made my site awesome X') work is work, and you should be paid for it

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

fair enough

Just send me a DM whenever you're up for that and lemme take a look at what you already have

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I would hire someone to do web design for me but I dont have the funds & I dont wnat to make someone do work for me for free

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

I've been meaning to set up my own website for a while now, since the collective i was originally hosting my webcomic with kinda fell apart, but it's so much work and i'm hella intimidated :'''D

copperine

@sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead) there's been some related discussion in #shop_talk and I believe @boogeymadam might be able to advise (I'm sure others can too but I'm going off the convo from earlier)

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

@sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead) depending on how much it is I can help you out

RebelVampire

Admin Reminder Remember this channel is for experiences as a reader first and foremost, so #shop_talk and #general are better if you want to discuss your own stuff.

DaeofthePast

thank you for the reminder :3

RebelVampire

I would say poor web design is something I have a complicated relationship regarding webcomics. On the one hand, outside of a site being 100% completely broken, I'm willing to sit through a lot to read. So in terms of affecting whether I read a comic the first time or not, there isn't much to say there. But it does affect how engaged I am with the comic. Cause if I can't easily go back to re-read a page, easily find things like character names, have to deal with extreme lag cause the host is garbage, have to deal with eye bleeding color schemes, etc. you can bet your bottom dollar 1 time is all that comic is going to get in terms of reading it. I can only subject myself to so much, and if I don't feel like reading a comic again because of the site itself, I'm going to quickly forget it in favor of comics whose sites don't make me cry. I do give more leeway to sites created by creators in many respects. But professional bigtime hosts like Tapas or Webtoons literally have no excuse for some of their garbage design choices. And some of their design choices are super duper garbage.

DaeofthePast

that's true yeah, there's a big distinction of the quality expectations between sites by small creators and those of big companies like Webtoons

RebelVampire

At the same time, though, I know from first hand experience that poor design choices are literally influenced by user data for bigger companies. So for every decision I consider stupid- at the same time they probably did the AB tests that showed crappy design A had better results for their conversion rates than user friendly design B.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Which boggles my mind

I wonder if there's some kinda causation-correlation thing going on that the A/B tests could not detect accurately

boogeymadam

Rebel mentioned sites that have eyebleedy color schemes and I'm in the same boat; will read the comic, just will be turning down the screen brightness a looot. Sites that have a huge space of extremely neon background that distracts from the comic make me reluctant to read on the site, and I'll look for a mirror before trying. That white background of the 2 big comic hosting sites can at least be affected and turned dark by nightmode when needed, while nightmode doesn't work on half the bright comic sites I've tried it on. u-u

[purplesurveys]

714

Do you have anyone you fully trust? Yeah, mostly my friends. I wouldn’t befriend them if I knew from the get-go they couldn’t keep a secret or be reliable. What kind of pants did you wear today? I usually wear shorts to keep myself comfortable during the warm April days. How old is your television? Our TVs in the living and dining rooms have been around since we moved in so that’s 12 years. My parents’ TV is around 8-9 years old, I’m not very sure. I don’t have my own TV in my room – I used to, but it got moved to my brother’s room when we realized he’d use it more since he has a PS3/PS4. That one is around 6 years old. Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.  When did you last talk on the phone with someone? Not so sure. I think it was a couple of nights ago.

Are you currently sleepy? A little bit, which is why I have a cup of coffee beside me right now. ;) Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No, that’s so childish and obviously possessive eugh. I don’t like some of Gab’s friends but at the end of the day they’re still her friends, so I never feel the need to tell her to delete them. Have you ever had bad trust issues with someone? Yep. That’s why to make things easier for me I just stop talking to them entirely. What accent do you think is the most attractive? There’s a certain kind of British accent that I find very pleasurable to listen to... think the cast of Love Actually and how everyone there talked, haha. Do you own any television series box sets? I have an unofficial box set to the 1980s show Perfect Strangers that my dad bought for me. Other than that, no – I do have copies of some of my favorite shows like Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead, but they’re all kept in a hard drive.

Have you ever been in a fight with your best friend? I’ve been in numerous fights with Gab. My last fight with Angela was back in the 5th grade probs. Do you have high standards? Eh, for certain things but not everything. I have high standards for group projects and papers – my groupmates don’t just get away with writing in whatever style they wish or designing our Powerpoint however way they want if they’re grouped with me; I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to that. Which for me is an ok trait to have since more often than not I WILL see a grammar error or a haphazardly-made slide in a Powerpoint.

When it comes to food and vacations I also tend to be a bit uppity since both my parents have worked in the hotel industry for almost 30 years, so over time I’ve learned to identify which accommodations are good and which aren’t. When did you last receive a hug and who was it from? I haven’t received a hug in more than a month. I’m rottinggggggg. Do you take any advanced classes? No. I don’t think we can do that here, or if we even have that concept. What is your lucky number? I don’t have one. Do you own a book bag? If so, what color is it? No I don’t, I only have large backpacks since I tend to carry a lot of stuff for school. Was the last movie you watched a horror film? I didn’t watch it in full, but yeah The Shining is very much a horror flick. Do you own a lot of tee shirts? Yeah, both for outside and for home wear. They’re just comfortable and convenient to have lol. Do you plan your outfits ahead of time? Not always. I plan my outfits mostly if I’m going to be seeing my girlfriend the next day since I always want to look nice for her, and to look cute if we’re gonna go to the mall hahaha. Have you ever spent the night in jail? I have not. I’ve read Chris Jericho’s account of having to stay the night in a cell for a DUI and it sounds like a nightmare, though. Would you say you're a bad influence on others? No. If I do act like a bad influence it’ll always be jokingly - like telling my friends to cut class so we can have lunch together - but in the end I’ll tell them to go to their class, or at least to make their own decision. Describe your favorite jacket? It’s a UP-themed varsity jacket, and it’s maroon and has the name of the school in big letters at the back. Are you a colorful person or quite bland? I always try to be colorful, of course. I would hate to have to describe myself as bland. List one word to describe your significant other? Right now, annoying. In general, she’s understanding. Do you handle pain well? It’s one of the few things that I don’t. I can’t handle pricks to the skin, gashes, paper cuts, etc. Have you ever been so nervous you threw up? No, I find myself feeling barf-y only if I have a bad headache or, more predictably, if I’ve had too much to drink. Where is your favorite place to go when you're depressed? I like going to Skywalk because I can always count on the fact that at least one orgmate will be there at any time of the day, and my orgmates are my family and make me forget about my problems instantly. If Skywalk doesn’t help, I go to my car and cry as much as I need to.

If I’m not at the university I like going to our couch in the living room, because my bedroom only makes me more depressed and I have had particularly bad episodes when I had willingly stayed there in the past. Do you remember the first survey you took? I’ve always recorded my surveys on Tumblr so the first one is on my first survey blog, the one I got locked out of last 2016 haha. How many friends do you have on Facebook? I don’t feel like checking exactly how many but it’s in the 660s or 670s. Have you ever watched fight videos for amusement? No thanks, any video involving any kind of conflict stresses me out. In high school, were you in trouble a lot? Nah. My friend group were mild troublemakers but we all performed well in school, had good grades, and respected teachers at the end of the day so they didn’t really have a reason to penalize us. Do you enjoy your hairstyle? I like it a lot better than my boring straight hair, but with the lockdown making all salons close for the meantime, I have no idea what to do with my bangs that are growing too long now D:

Do you have long hair or short hair? It’s a lot shorter than before. How much make up do you wear on a daily basis? Zero. I only wear makeup for parties or formal events. What is your favorite television show? Breaking Bad and Friends. Do you have a leather jacket? No. I don’t really need that here either... I can’t imagine how hot I’d feel wearing that. Do you think anyone dislikes you for no reason? Sure. Don’t most people have one person they feel this way towards lmaoooo Do you have any children? Nope. Have you ever been interviewed on television before? Nah but we’ve had media crews visit our school before to look for interviewees for segments in news programs. I’ve always just said no and watched my friends from behind the camera. Do you have weak upper body strength? A little but it’s improved a whole lot from my fitness class last sem. What is the worst insult someone can call you? A failure.  Do you write on your hands a lot? Only back in high school. I have no idea what made me stop as soon as I started college but thank fuck I did because it was such a poor habit to have. Are you good at sketching? I’m no good at any kind of drawing or creating images. Do you think hugs are awkward? If it’s not with the right person or if I hugged someone who wasn’t a hugger then yeah, they can be awkward. Do you think facial hair is gross? No unless it’s neglected and has like gunk or food bits in it. But I don’t mind hair in general. Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color? Sure. What color was the last cup you drank from? My coffee mug :) It has a black decor on the outside that turns bright blue when the liquid inside is hot, so that I know to be careful with it. Ever play Angry Birds? I did play it back in 2010 but I was already pretty old then (at least for those kinds of games) so I didn’t really enjoy it. We had it on the family iPad for a while though because my brother, who was 6-7 at the time, liked the game. Did you think it was annoying, like I did? The sounds were a bit annoying, sure. Have you ever been to the zoo before? No, but close. My old school has its own eco-park that we used to visit every now and then. What instruments do you know how to play? Just the recorder, which really shouldn’t count lol. How late did you stay up last night? Till 4 AM, I think. How late do you plan on staying up tonight? I have no idea. Definitely not now, though.

[vnshkk]

Let's talk about Kyo's media blackout.

It is with a slight reluctance that I post this. It's not wise to mention Tanuki online nor share what they talk about within the overseas fandom for a multiple of reasons. 

1. I don't want them to get angry at me

2. I don't want the overseas fandom to flip out and judge the Japanese fandom

3. I just want everyone to be chill and happy and flowers

But I've seen a lot of people freaking out, a lot of random theories floating around and people worrying so I wanted to post this theory and open it for discussion. 

Of course this isn't fact. It's pure speculation. But given the timeframe, PERSONALLY I feel like this may have had something to do with Kyo decision. 

So I post this with two DISCLAIMERs. 

1. As mentioned this is not in any way fact. There is no proof that Kyo does or doesn't look at Tank. I simply find it interesting the sequence of events, the timing of the media blackout and I am only translating this for those who are interested. I hope this doesn't cause any huge arguments or any bad blood. It's simple here to discuss and consider.

2. Please do not judge the whole fandom based on Tank. Just like any forum, any comment section on the world wide web; there will be people who leave negative feed back. It is a tiny portion of people and not a reflection of the Japanese fandom as a whole. Judging them based on what they said would be like someone looking at negative comments or sarcastic jokes on Tumblr and judging the English speaking fandom. That's not to say what they post is okay, but it's just dumb shit posting and shouldn't be taken to heart. 

you get me fam?

Okay, so I contemplated posting screenshots and translating what happened immediately after Kyo changed his profile picture up to when he deleted everything but as I said I don't want to be taken out by angry tank users so I'm just gonna translate a selection of posts. 

These posts are taken from the Meg thread (remember the girl linking arms with him at a concert? That's Meg.) which to be honest is a shit show. It was a thread born from those notorious pics and for over a year now has remained a place where people post rumours, shit talk, complain and just make shit up a lot of the time. So please, AGAIN, bare that in mind. It is a place of negativity born from a scandal that shocked a lot of the fandom. Aint nothing nice ever gonna be said there. Periodt. In reality a lot of the people who post there are still fans of Kyo. I think they're just still a little hurt by the way it came to light about Meg. 

After Kyo posted his new picture I checked tank before going to bed because I was curious about what their reactions would be and everyone had exploded. During the 7 hours I was asleep Kyo deleted everything and left the internet forever so tbh given the fact he was probably bored in a hotel in Fukuoka, just did a radio show, probs wanted to see peoples reaction, etc I personally, believe he was on Tank. This is a running theme in the thread itself and people often say he actively browses it (this is not a major thing, a lot of guys in bands browse tank same as celebs browse twitter. Why Kyo would look at the meg thread in particular? idk. ) 

SO TLDR 

Yesterday around 7pm the thread suddenly changed to mixed reactions after Kyo changed his Twitter pic. 

"His new twitter icon had me shook lol" 

"I hope he changes his instagram one too" 

"Idk I don't like how quickly he's become some kind of social media old fogey" 

"Kyo's turned into a social media monster too" (*edit; my bad Yuchi is beer monster, Shinya is social media monster lol)

"It's kinda cheap" 

"I get you, it's like he's lost his values" (probably because Kyo has always made big deal about how much of himself he shares) 

 It continued like that for a while with people more or less saying the same thing until he posts about leaving social media.

"He just suddenly said he's not gonna do social media anymore" 

"lol after he went to all the effort of changing his profile picture" 

"I'm shook" 

"annoying 40 year old nut job" 

"Bet you he came on here"  

"Do you normally change you icon then quit" 

"Join Kyo online" 

"idg why even though Kyo's had so many haters since he first started twitter he's suddenly affected by it??" 

"I still think he's cute even when he's sulking like this lol" 

"I knew he was looking at Tanuki"

"I don't get why he's suddenly deleting it after all this time?? It's like what is this old man on about?" 

"It's lame how he's making such a big deal of out saying he's quitting" 

(lots of people agreed with this post saying that he's acting childish)

"I wonder what happened? Like everything seemed fine recently. I mean we'll never know but like I'm sure he has a lot going on.." 

"I can't believe he basically wiped his instagram clean but left all the pics of cake and omurice lmao" 

"If only he'd go to sleep earlier and eat a banana the serotonin would fix everything" 

The random comments and mixed reactions continued for all of Friday.  One of the main points that stuck out after the initial reactions was how people began to become suspicious that this was merely a tactic to get people to join Kyo online with people claiming this was typical of business man kyo,  that it was about that time of year where they usually begin to advertise and promote in order to get new members. 

So, allow me to play devils advocate for a second. As someone who is a member of Kyo online I have to admit since he started posting more and more online (compared to hardly ever on Kyo online), the membership has become more or less invalid. In the past it was worth the money for the videos and pictures that as fans we rarely saw. But if he's going to post them online then it raises the question (tickets to concerts aside) is there any point in being a member if you can just get the content for free?  I'd imagine that this plays some kind of role in why the reactions are often negative. Members of Kyo online have suddenly gone from having something exclusive that was only for them, to simply being a part of something anyone can access. 

Another point someone brought up is that whilst it's acceptable for Kyo to be upset. It is very, very childish and the timing is selfish.  Sukekiyo literally made their instagram days ago and suddenly Kyo states how he isn't going to post online anymore. This act instantly casts a negative feel on Sukekiyo's insta. It almost gives a vibe that any picture Kyo is in might be "against his will". Kyo is not new to criticism. He's been in this game for 20 plus years. Everyone who is in the Indies scene knows about Tank. Every fan, every bandmen, knows it's a bad place filled with mostly shit posting and rumours and doesn't represent fans a whole. 

The meg thread is simply fans flogging a dead horse, posting any poor Japanese girl with a straight fringe and some tattoos, anyone who looks even a little like Meg and saying she MUST be a groupie of Kyo. Which begs the question why would Kyo go there? Why would he look at that? Why would he want to subject himself to that kind of thing and then punish the majority for some dumb comments a few bored fans made? What was he expecting by going there?

Of course there is no proof Kyo lurks. But the reality is he probably does, I mean he's only human, he' s bound to be curious about fans reactions for Madara, etc and where else to get honestly reactions than an anonymous forum? Personally, as someone who has lurked tank for a few years now, I think he reads it. There have been times in the past where he's mentioned certain things, done certain things and I've thought "hmmm that's weird tank was literally talking about that". But once again there's no proof. It's just one of those vibes you get sometimes. (one major one I can think of is during the interview for mode of gauze where he said everyone massively complained about it. I know people can submit questionnaires after lives but I feel that a lot of Japanese people are more brutally honest when they can hide behind anonymity. ) 

Considering the "staff" posted a pic of his feet on the sukekiyo instagram today, I feel like this is just Kyo being (sorry to say) butthurt and it might just blow over.  A lot of the comments mention his age, mention how he's clearly trying and failing to copy 20 year olds by using insta, that he's lame or cringe and that's gonna hurt anyones pride. But I honestly think Kyo should be looking at the billions of comments on instagram of people who love him rather than a few trolls online. 

So with that being said I hope this was an interesting read and gave a little insight into why Kyo is often private. It was a big deal that he was posting so much and actively using instagra. I for one was very happy. I believe that in this day and age it is something that is required in order to engage with your audience and keep a good relationship. Hazuki and Ruki are good examples of this and Ive been saying for the longest time I wish Kyo would get more on board with it. So it's a shame he's left at the first hurdle. 

Oh well. This is why we can't have anything nice isn't it. 

[doodlegraveyard]

Hey doodle graveyard I fine your art so unique and I would wonder if you can tell how you draw your art style and I also would love to say thank you for being on tubler because it just all how you make the mha crew so interesting and how they look really cool with your added details I have been having massive art block lately also I need you help 😔😊

Hi! First of all thank you! I don’t remember exactly when I got this – busy week at work – but I have been thinking about how to answer this question… 

I don’t really know how to explain how i draw in my style? I don’t even think my ‘style’ is super consistent. I’ve taken a handful of figure drawing classes but mostly it’s just how things have happened naturally over years! and I’m still always learning and changing so i don’t think i can really give more than super general advice in that capacity, and I’m by no means a professional lol

For materials, i mostly do pencils and watercolor. if you go into the asks tag i’ve answered some questions about it in the past if you want specifics. that’s just the materials that wound up working for me!

I appreciate what you say about my character design, character and costume design is what I have the most fun doing! So i am glad other people like how they come out

I think a good thing to do is think about what various features say about a character or what impression they give rather than trying to make people generically attractive? If i set out to draw a character with one of their key traits being that they are pretty very often I become paralyzed and they never look right/end up kind of boring! (I think i still wind up making everyone attractive though lol… i actually want to push my features and body types to more extremes. but some people have narrower ideals of beauty i guess!)

Also for fan art, I tend to do my initial drawings of characters without looking at the show/comic whatever to reference, so they wind up looking more like whatever my impression of their character is than just copying features. Then I go back and look at the canon art and see if theres anything I forgot that I want to include, something that the character needs to be really recognizable. Then i pick and choose between canon and my own ideas!

For inspiration:

theres loads of amazing artists on tumblr who i’ve been following for years and years but the artist siins comes to mind as someone whose work i go back and look at a lot…their style is very very different from mine but I think they are very good at pushing diversity in shapes and expression! Look them up if you have a chance

I love love LOVE researching historical fashion, and clothes in general. too many cool blogs to link here, but for real.

look at project rooftop for cool artists redesigning superhero costumes!

I have an art reference tag on my main but its pretty sloppily curated, it has tutorials and tricks but also just a load of art i like the look of lol

I have art dating back to 2013 on this blog, i have deleted almost NONE of my high school shame, even stuff i really don’t like, so you can go back and see how things have changed if it’s helpful in any way? I do it sometimes to compare and see progress.

also anything post with a readmore usually has at least some progress pics hidden under there! so you can see how stuff looks before its finished i guess