#most unequal friendships I've ever seen

[class1akids]

I’ve seen several complaints about certain characters just being yes-men to other characters, just like how tsuyu and ochako’s relationship became. How big of a writing flaw do you think it is in the work, and do you think it’s related to how Hk wanted to write about the heroes in the end?

I think Tsuyu is the biggest "victim". She literally has nothing else than being Ochako's full-time assistance / ear who listens.

Even with crime rates decreasing, it makes zero sense for Tsu to follow Ochako around to schools when she could make a huge difference being a hero who works at coastal areas / water rescue - which is what she was set up for. I highly doubt that granny redemption and Deku punching Tomura made any difference to drowning deaths.

I'm particularly irritated by parking Tsuyu as Ochako's full-time friend because of how Ochako is "conventionally pretty - and even get a big time-skip glow-up", while Tsuyu is a heteromorph - so not conventionally cute and is relegated to be the pretty girl's emotional support.

Especially when Ochako frankly dumps Tsuyu even from friend position when she gets obsessed with Toga and gives zero support back to Tsuyu.

You could say that Iida and Kirishima went similar routes as Tsuyu of being just support to Todoroki/Deku and Bakugou respectively, but they both still get to maintain their own arcs up until the end, and even after the timeskip, they have their own successful careers instead of being just a hanger-on character.

[namtanlovesfilm]

Unpopular opinions? Now it’s my time to shine lol

A lot of bl actors can’t act. They’re only cast because they’re handsome and/or nepo babies. Example: Win (grew up with money) and Luke (pretty but can’t act) imo

The fact that so many Thai actors have white fathers bugs the shit out of me and makes me hate men more. Its the whole passport bros thing before people really started talking about it. That could be because I’m a woc and I’ve had white men say some gross shit to me about making “beautiful light skinned babies” before so maybe it’s personal~ for me

I think Gun is mean to Off. I don’t like the hitting partner thing even if it’s supposed to be in a joking way. “Omg Gun is so cute when he’s mad.” No. It’s not cute to hit someone ever. Nanon is or was the same way with Ohm but I don’t know if he’s still hitting Ohm in the face as a joke because I stopped following Ohm because of the bullying controversy.

I don’t believe when any actor (from any country) apologizes. They’re sorry they were caught and they’re sorry their bank account is suffering the consequences of their actions.

I would tend to agree while also disagreeing bc I do think most thai dramas have a solid acting, which is always pleasant even for low budgets mediocre shows. but I definitely agree with your point that many actors are put in the spotlight without necessarily deserving it while others who are much more talented are kept as side roles (mond tanutchai & fluke pusit are great examples.) as for win & luke specifically, I would also tend to agree. I was heartbroken when I learned that win was a nepo baby bc I genuinely think he's a quite good actor, but I don't think he deserved to access this level fame after his first series ever when other actors have been working for practically a decade & are more talented. as for luke, I've only ever seen him in the 3 gentlebros where he deffo was over the top & not a great actor, but I still liked him bc he's charming. I think him being put in the spotlight immediately just bc he's hot is definitely unfair, and also puts a lot of pressure bc he did not have the 'growing' period that many early gmmtv actors had by having gradually harder & more front and center roles as they grew their acting (off is the perfect example of that.) so that's a lot of pressure for him, but also yeah he is unfairly profiting from favoritism bc of his appearance & it does suck.

bestie that is sooooo funny bc yeah. I mean, the fact that 99% of interracial couples in thailand are ALWAYS with a white man & a thai woman tells us everything we need to know. don't we love fetishization (:

to be fair I don't think I've ever seen gun hit off? or at least, like, a real hit? maybe I'm missing something, but I don't think gun is mean to off in the slightest. I think though that it does look like their relationship is unequal with off always being the jealous one, the one who buys stuff, the one who flirts, etc. but imo it's just for the cameras & we don't know offgun's real friendship outside of it. so personally I don't see what you're seeing, but oh well. as for ohmnanon I don't follow them & especially not now that ohm has been outed as a homophobic bully so I'll take your word for it lol

agreed, and tbh that goes on for any apology that takes place after people ask for it? like let's say I hurt my friend, but don't realize it & they tell me about it and ask me to apologize, which I do. did I even realize on my own what I did wrong? nope. am I apologizing bc I've reflected on that? nope. I'm apologizing to alleviate the situation & move on, which is exactly the same thing that celebrities do when they're "cancelled." imo apologies in general serve more the person apologizing than the one(s) they're apologizing to, and in general they just feel fake to me.

xxx

[inspiteallthedanger]

I'm not very experienced in the discourse in the Mclennon fandom, because I've been around for only a couple of months. Having in mind that, there's one thing that I struggle to understand: where does the idea that it was Paul who rejected John come from? It seems to be a popular idea in the fandom, and it seems to me that maybe you also believe that because in your (lovely and well-written) fanfiction there's this notion as well. Maybe you don't personally believe that but why do some people (if not you) believe that? I have read only a couple of Beatles books but I've seen almost all available interviews, etc, and for me personally if there's any evidence of one of them rejecting the other in any way (in friendship or romance) it's mostly about John rejecting Paul. Because it was John who asked for divorce in The Beatles, and that is a huge thing on its own for John and Paul partnership. It was also John who brought Yoko to their time together as musicians and that was not a small factor for separation in their last years together. It also seems that in the 70s it was mostly Paul who called John on the phone, though I'm not sure if we have any real info on that. There's also the famous story about Paul showing up with a guitar and John sending him away. I mean it was always Paul who visited John, even if that was about geography. There are also the many harsher things John said about Paul in media, compared to the less severe, less relationship-breaking things Paul said. (at least as I see them) With all those questionable or not anecdotes of John in one way or another sort of rejecting Paul, where does the idea that Paul was the one who loved John less, who rejected him *more* in any way comes from? I mean, in real life, in unequal relationships it's usually the one person loving the other more for the whole continuity of the relationship (maybe?)... And in John and Paul's case, I don't really know, because it's so unknowable, so complex, so distorted by media and biographers etc, and I can't say there's really a solid evidence that Paul loved John more, but I think there's at least more evidence that he wanted for them to write together forever, and to keep some sort of friendship together, more than there's evidence about John. I certainly don't see any evidence for the contrary, for John caring more about Paul (at any point of their relationship?) so I wonder where that ever came from? And I know that fandom believes that something happened in India?? But apart from John being pissed at Paul for leaving earlier is there any evidence, any quote at all suggesting anything more that that? Because being annoyed at Paul (and Ringo, really) for leaving earlier is not the same thing as Paul rejecting him in any more significant personal (or sexual) way. Sorry about this long ask in case it's annoying, maybe you've talked about that enough, but you're a cool eloquant person so I wondered what you thought.

Hello my lovely. No worries at all about the length of the ask. I love hearing what other people think.

Let me start by saying that I don't think you're wrong in that view exactly. The issue is that if you asked Paul (certainly at the time of the break up) he'd agree 100% with you. Paul feels like he was the one that got dumped and that John was the instigator of everything that went down. Obviously he's also agreed with by most of the books. So, to say that everyone that’s ever thought that is categorically wrong, doesn’t make much sense to me. There's isn't a correct answer here, they both hurt one another. 

In a tradition that I haven’t upheld recently, this got long, so it’s going under a cut. It’s also so rambly. So, if I didn’t answer your questions, I’m open to follow-ups. 

So, to start, I am of the opinion that Paul’s rejection (if there was one) probably wasn’t even something he did consciously. I think John read rejection into something that happened in India, something that was part of a wider pattern of behaviour between them he’d been feeling for years, but this one wasn’t something he could recover from. This is all speculation, though. There are quotes and things that back it up (of course) but, like, that’s just the Beatles for you. You can read more about that here, though. 

But, what you (and the literature) is saying makes a lot of sense because John did do those thing: John found Yoko before Paul found Linda, John asked for the divorce, John fire bombed their relationship in interviews and songs alike, John put an ocean between them. John refused to record with Paul, despite apparent repeated attempts on Paul’s part.

But. But the question that is never entirely clear is: why did he do those things??

That's the question that eventually leads to many people in the fandom (and especially the female hosted-podcasts and written fan content) delving into things to find a satisfactory answer. Although - warning - what we get is just a series of questions without a clear, defined answer. But it all just sort of suggests something happened that we’re not sure of. 

The narrative in those books you mention is that John was unhappy from pretty early on in the Beatles. Interestingly many will cite the "Bigger than Jesus" interview as proof of this. John said then that he wasn't destined to just be a Beatle, and later he absolutely doubled down on this. So, it’s weird to just dismiss that out of hand. I’m sure there must be some truth to it. 

But, what then, about all the other comments he made during those times? About how they’re all one person, or that he needs the other Beatles to see himself properly, that he and Paul will continue writing into their sixties together. Why’d he stay so long? Indeed, why wasn’t he the one that announced the split? Perhaps because it’s more complicated than that. John clearly absolutely adored the band - you don’t sit weeping in a cinema watching your break-up movie in front of a journalist if you’re not, like, emotionally invested in it. So what went wrong? 

I think the crux of the issue for a lot of people is that John’s reactions after the split are just those of a slighted lover. He seems so hurt by Paul (and it is Paul specifically, not the band in general), because of the viciousness of his attacks. Like, if he'd just fallen in love with Yoko and wanted to leave the band... why's he so pressed with Paul? Shouldn't he have moved on fairly easily? Especially once Ram and McCartney get slated in the press etc etc. It sometimes feels that the sheer violence of this reaction suggests something more. 

For rock writers it suggested that John just never really liked Paul and couldn't wait to get rid of him. But, then, what of all the hundreds of quotes and interviews from the band and others that John and Paul were inseparable, that they loved each other and... you know, created all those beautiful songs. I personally, really, truly don’t think John was just waiting for an excuse to bash Paul. So, the other option is that something happened to change John’s (and not Paul’s) mind about their relationship. 

There are also a few other quotes that suggest that something happened beyond what John said (Paul was overbearing and then awful during the divorce). Yoko said that John said no one had ever hurt him like Paul had. Multiple people say that John said Paul made him believe there was no such thing as true friendship. Yoko also said that John considered having an affair with Paul but he was too straight. Like. What the hell? 

The thing you mention about Paul reaching out can certianly be read as a man pining for his lost love... But, I don't get that vibe for two reasons: 1) Paul just wouldn't let himself seem weak in that way and 2) It just seems like he feels guilty. For whatever reason, Paul seems to have sort of internalised John's insistence that he's done something wrong.

So, as to what Paul did? I mean... we don’t know. There’s a lot of chatter that the breaking point was India, as you said. That John went there and was briefly very happy. Then he got back and was worse than his best friend since school had ever seen him. He fairly quickly after that cements his thing with Yoko and starts in motion the fairly slow car-crash of the break up. 

It seems, to a lot of people, that something must have happened for John to suddenly make this decision. Yoko had been around for around a year before India. Indeed, even after India, John seems unsure if he wants to really try again with Cyn. So, what pushed him over? John talked about loosing all belief in himself suddenly and needing someone to put him back together. Yoko really, really helped with that and it’s why he latched so hard onto her (among other reasons of course - I do think he fell for her genuinely too). 

My personal feeling is that Paul left India (and therefore John) when John was at his lowest - perhaps after John had opened up to him about feeling that way. That’s the moment when John thinks Paul can’t be trusted and he needs to find someone that will support him in ways Paul won’t. So he finds Yoko, but to be as committed to her as they both seem to want, he has to destroy everything else. Starting with Cyn but quickly moving to... Paul? for some reason? 

Side note - the timing of all this is so weird because the moment John falls apart and is like clinging to Yoko and making unwilling bystanders listen to their sex tapes etc. Paul is cheating on Jane and getting dumped. Like, the dude is spiralling the entire year he meets Linda (groupies and proposals and ill-thought through girlfriends). Why? Does he know too that something’s broken but has no idea how to fix it? Is that why he’s so forcedly chill about the Yoko situation, despite how bizarre it is? 

So, anyway, this is an incredibly long way of saying. You could be right. But the traditional view just seems to have some gaps in it. There is no way I believe that John and Paul didn’t love each other dearly for a long time. So, what happened? And why, even after everything they did to one another, couldn’t they stay away from one another for more than a couple of months? It doesn’t have to be that Paul did the rejecting, but the tone of what was said afterwards, just point more in that direction. 

Now, I don’t think (as some do) that it was explicit. That John asked for them to be boyfriends or whatever and Paul broke it off. I think that, actually, would have led to a much cleaner break. The issue is that there’s something unresolved. Neither of them are satisfied with how things played out. But, we don’t know why (and perhaps neither to they). 

Nonny, does any of this make sense? 

[enneamage]

Clingyduo compatibility in a relationship?

The results are in: They get along.

I feel like I know these two as a unit less than I should. They were very young at peak clingy, and I wanted to give The Youths some room when I started watching streamers, so I haven't seen as much from them at that time. They really did read like cartoon characters when I first encountered them, the energetic red one and the mellower eccentric blue one. Of course they’re both a lot more complicated than that, but it goes to show how naturally they seemed to flow into each other.

When looking around at anecdotal stuff, some profiles will mention that Sixes and Nines are also very commonly found together, both as friends and romantic partners. I've seen a lot of steadfast devotion between these types in many walks of life, so they've got statistical majority power backing them up.

Tommy is a very active, counterphobic fella who can get deep into his Seven wing. However, he’s very drawn to people who feel stable and reliable to him, giving him a secure base to come back to time and time again. Tubbo has historically been mellow and stable, putting his consistency and focus towards the things and people that he values most.

It’s hard to write a paragraph about people vibing together because of how low-maintenance and simple it can be. Still, these two have a long-shared history of being able to relax into each others company. This snip says it well:

Type Sixes with Type Nines have much in common: a love for chilling at home, a balanced routine and checking all the boxes at work so they can rest hard when it’s time to unwind. Although gifted at resting, this pairing can likewise get moving and down to business like none other when they hit their hardworking, creative place. The Type Six offers the Type Nine courage to find their voice in the world, and the Type Nine likewise brings rest and relaxation to the often neurotic Six. Once the Six allows the Nine to grow independently and the Nine understands the logical steps the Six needs to take to find security, they vibe so well. For helping getting to this point, communication help is of essence.

X

Coming back to the anime childhood friends theme, the thing with these two is that they’ve already been in each others lives long enough to shape each other. This is both a strong base for their stability, and the root of some issues that they would have to work out between themselves if they were to move from /p to /r.

I think a history with Tommy may have contributed, at least somewhat, to Tubbo’s passive-aggressive reflexes. This is keeping in mind the fact that passive-aggression is already a big thing with Nines, so it’s less that Tommy put them there and more he added fuel to the fire at times. Considering some pretty pointed “you’re a narcissist” comments from Tubbo in the past, Tommy has a history of trampling over him and not addressing that in the way that he should have, moving Tubbo into thinking that confrontation was a moot point with him.

While they may have cleared that hurdle now, their biggest roadbump would be that the energy between them was unequal for a long time, even if it was just a power dynamic of personality. Tubbo could handle Tommy like nobody else could, but it required getting used to his toes being stepped on at times. Tommy values the hell out of Tubbo, probably more than he historically had the skills to convey, so it wasn’t a lack of regard, just a lack of good instincts. While I think this is closer to being mended than ever before, they probably still have a ways to go in certain areas, and some separation has allowed them both to grow.

These two remain caring and mutually supportive of each other. They’ve moved some of their friendship back off camera, which is considerate of Tubbo’s preferences right now. These two have been a solid unit and acted as each others primary social supports before, so those skills might have rolled into partnership in another life, but this one seems to have other plans.

We both desire stability, comfort, and love, and we find that in each other. The Nine can offer the Six a sense of predictability because Nines tend to be steady overall. Their calm demeanor can be stabilizing for the Six, who may be more skeptical and alert to issues overall. The Six’s tendency to be more quick-minded and action-oriented can help the Nine be a more active force in their own life. Mutual devotion, loyalty, and shared values are important to us. We can cultivate a deep friendship marked by unity, affection, support, and healthy interdependence. In moments of stress, the Six’s questioning can feel accusatory to the Nine, while the Nine’s withdrawal can feel like abandonment to the Six. In general, Sixes can be reactive in conflict, which can leave the Nine tip-toeing to avoid setting the Six off. Meanwhile, the Nine’s reluctance to share their thoughts, express themselves, or deal with conflict can leave the Six feeling like the Nine is not being fully transparent, which can leave the Six suspicious of their motives and doubtful of their connection.

X

[missmentelle]

Hey, I'm going through a difficult time with my sister right now, and I was wondering if I could get some advice, as you seem to be good at that.

I feel like I've messed things up with my sister. She barely ever talks to me anymore, and when she does, she criticizes something I'm doing, usually raising her voice, but when I tell her to shut up and leave me alone, I always feel horrible, and I'm worried that I may be driving her away because of that.

The other day, she found out about my boyfriend, and she criticized me for being with him. I tried to ignore her, because I didn't want to hurt her, but it just hurt her more, and she told me off for my behavior.

She's always jealous of me because I get more attention from our parents, even to the point she'd accuse me of being selfish and not caring for her.

I feel like I can't do anything to mend our relationship, as anything I try to do just makes her yell at me and give me the cold shoulder. Is there any advice you could give me for this? I care about her a lot, and I don't want her to hate me.

My first question would be, how old is your sister?

I know it's cliche, but if your sister is in her teens (and it sounds like she is) that could be a potential source of your problem. Sometimes teenage siblings just.... don't get along. Being a teenager is a generally overwhelming experience - you're old enough to want independence, but you're not old enough to actually have it. There are a million pressures on you, but you have very little freedom or power over your circumstances. It's a lot to deal with. Taking out your frustrations on friends, classmates or authority figures isn't really an option, which usually just leaves siblings - as weird as it sounds, the fact that teens often feel safest and most secure with their siblings is the reason that teens often take out their frustrations and insecurities on their siblings. To be clear, though, that definitely doesn’t make it okay. It’s an explanation for her behaviour, but it’s not an excuse. 

You mentioned that your parents give you more attention than they give to your sister - I’m curious about that. Is there a particular reason for it? Have your parents ever shown you direct favoritism or directly compared you and your sister? Have they ever told your sister to be more like you, or presented you as a role model? Do you and your sister get unequal amounts of praise? It sort of sounds like your sister has been put in a position where she has to compete with you for your parents’ love - from her perspective, you are sort of an obstacle standing between her and your parents’ attention. If you weren’t around, she’d get more attention, and it sounds like she might resent you for it. Again, it’s not okay for her to take it out on you, and it’s not your fault that your parents aren’t giving their children equal attention, but it sort of shows where she’s coming from. Feeling invisible, feeling like you have to “earn” your parents’ affection, and feeling like the “least favourite child” are all really shitty feelings, and it’s easier for her to take them out on you than to confront your parents directly. 

As far as mending the relationship goes, I think it would be a good idea to have a direct conversation with your sister. Pick a time where she seems calm, and isn’t obviously upset about something. This doesn’t have to be a big formal speech - just tell your sister that you’ve noticed things aren’t good lately, that you care about her a lot and that you want to be close again. “Hey, I’ve noticed we’ve been fighting a lot lately and I’m sad about it, I really love you and I don’t want us to fight” is a decent way to start. If face-to-face conversations are tough, you can try talking to her over text or messaging if it’ll make it easier for you both to be emotionally open. If you think the parental favoritism thing is an issue, don’t be afraid to address it directly - “hey, I know mom and dad sometimes pay more attention to me and I know it’s not fair to you”. Be honest about how you’re feeling, and give her space to share her feelings. This doesn’t have to happen all in one conversation - ideally you want to start an ongoing dialogue to get all your issues out in the open and mend the relationship over time. 

I think it would also be a good idea to take a genuine interest in her life. It sounds like she’s feeling kind of ignored or second-best, and that sucks. Show her that you are interested in her life - ask her about her day. Remember details of the things she tells you. Ask her opinions on things, and take her opinions seriously. Send her articles or videos or memes that you think she might enjoy. Try to make her feel seen, and like she matters to you. Don’t be overly syrupy or condescending - you don’t want to make her feel like she’s being talked down to or pitied. Just try to be genuine. You don’t have to take everything she says seriously - if she’s being cranky and mean, you don’t have to stand there and agree with her, you can and should just walk away - but try to find time in each day to seek her out and just have a regular conversation with her about something. 

I think it’s also important to be patient here. Sometimes these things take time. My younger brother and I hated each other for a few years when we were teenagers, but we’re very close as adults. It seems like we had a lot of the same issues that you and your sister do - I got much better grades than he did in school, with much more involvement in extracurriculars, and he understandably got tired of having parents and teachers constantly compare him to me. Friends, dating and hobbies came a lot easier to me, and it left him frustrated and looking for someone to take it out on - he got in trouble for lashing out at school peers, which basically left him to lash out at me. But things got better for us. We both grew up. He found things that he excelled at, he found healthier ways to get attention, and he developed an identity beyond “MissMentelle’s screw-up brother”. When our relationship was at its lowest point, it seemed like it would never recover, but it did - we grew out of our teenage insecurities, we moved beyond fighting for our parents attention, and we found things to bond over. 

Relationships with siblings can be complicated - they are the longest relationships we have in our lives, and they move through many phases. Sibling relationships aren’t like friendships - they are permanent relationships, which means they are the place we end up testing boundaries. If you lash out at your friend, they will stop being your friend. Your sibling can’t stop being your sibling. Sometimes that means we can be much harsher with our siblings than we should be - they’re not going anywhere. Keep working on your relationship with your sister. Don’t let her be mean to you - set boundaries, disengage, walk away - but try to remember that this is something a lot of siblings go through, and remember that your sister’s anger probably isn’t really about you. It sounds like she’s dealing with some stuff right now, and needs an outlet for her feelings - unfortunately, you are the best outlet available, especially during a global pandemic that has limited her contact with her friends. Take care of yourself, try not to let it get you down, and keep trying to have normal conversations with your sister - in all likelihood, this rough patch will pass.  Best of luck to you! MM

[inamindfarfaraway]

The cut (but not out of my heart!) lyrics of “Crossing the Line” are here!

[…Well, I'm not being patient anymore]

I'm crossing the line

So get out of my way

'Cause I'm not gonna play by your rules

It's my time to shine

I don't need your okay

And I'm done being one of the fools

I'm crossing that line

There are lines that I've been waiting in forever

There are lines I've always felt I had to toe

Some were blurry, some unseen

Some I've had to learn to read between

So many boundaries, far more than you know

But the line you think connects us both together

That's a line that I'm not falling for again

'Cause this time my eyes are open wide

I've been trapped by lines you never had to live in

You were never really on my side

So I'm doing what I should have way back when

[I'm crossing the line…]

Damn time constraints just took a whole chunk out of the middle of the song. I understand that it would have been very long with this left in, though. I love this a lot. My favourite things are the amount of wordplay on different definitions of the word ‘line’; Cass explicitly telling Rapunzel - and by extension, the audience who’ve only ever seen her from Rapunzel’s perspective - that she doesn’t/we don’t know just how trapped and stifled she’s been and felt, so we can’t judge her; and the intended first chorus, which has “It’s my time to shine” instead of “I’m taking what’s mine”. The former lyric is only focused on Cass finally being respected, successful and happy, while the latter comes across to me as much more actively aggressive and vindictive, as she’s now set on “taking” away other people’s success and happiness to that end. And then the intended second chorus has more overtly villainous and destructive lyrics like “If I’m burning a bridge, let it burn!”. So the complete song subtly kinda mirrors Cass’s downward spiral over most of Season Three from ‘I’m gonna end a friendship that’s turned toxic and unequal and make myself that ex-friend’s equal’ to ‘THE KINGDOM WILL FALL! ALL YOU LOVE WILL PERISH!’. At least that’s how I read it.

Are you aware of the extended version of “Crossing the Line?” Technically it’s the full version, but for the actual episode they had to cut out a section for time. These lyrics add a lot in my opinion and I consider this song the ‘real’ one, even if as far as I can find Eden Espinosa hasn’t sung the cut lyrics.

I am aware of that, but I can’t really remember the additional lyrics. Could you send them to me please?