#most self indulgent thing i've ever initiated

[unavernales]

"you can put your things wherever you'd like," paion offers with a gesture around the room. "you and haru can sleep in here at the end of the night. i'll take the guest bedroom." although the doctor's offer seems gentlemanly, it's quite... self indulgent. no doubt he'd have his hand down his pants all night thinking about what the two of them were up to. maybe this was a bad idea.

when haru suggested a sleepover with her "two favorite people" paion didn't think it through properly. all he wanted was to make haru happy, and now he just feels awkward. and a little creepy. farrah just stands in the doorway smacking her gum before setting down her overnight bag with a shrug.

"sounds good to me~! hey babe!" she's falling onto the bed beside haru to get a kiss or five. paion has to look away, feeling like a voyeur, especially with farrah wearing her satin nightie and haru wearing nothing but paion's oversized shirt. jeez. he and haru had taken a very satisfying shower and were cuddling before farrah arrived. maybe they should have gone a second round, because paion feels tense.

"if you want anything to eat or drink, just let me know." should he sit down? he decides to leave his bedroom door open. "haru, you said you had something planned, right?" not that he wants to interrupt their... greetings. @mournus

[aperrywilliams]

Ocean (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Spencer has shut you out for months, and you don’t know how to get to him. A new argument endures, and you think this might be your last chance to make him understand how deep your love for him is.

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Angst/hurt/comfort. Spencer doesn't want to see reasons. Reader and Spencer cry. Mention to Spencer’s time in Milburn.

A/N: It’s just another self-indulgent fic to tell our boy how great he is.

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"Are you going to say something?"

Your voice is clipped, and you feel a whole storm bubbling inside of you. Spencer's silence doesn't help to ease your desperation—a last call for some hope in your already damaged relationship.

As he sits on the couch, his eyes are lost in the window of your shared apartment, tranced by the distant bustling of the streets below. It seems everything is better than looking at you right now.

‘How can someone stand so damn close

And feel like they're a world away?

I can see your sad story eyes

So how do you have no words to say?’

“Please, say something. Anything."

Your insistence sharply contrasts with the demanding tone with which you initiated this conversation—or fight, as Spencer accused you earlier.

Still standing in front of him, you only want him to look at you, to see in his eyes what he really wants.

“Do you want me to leave? That's it?”

You don't know what else to do or say. After bickering for a solid forty-five minutes, Spencer decided he didn't want to respond to your questions/accusations anymore. Coincidence? Hell no. He went silent just after you touched a nerve mentioning the tabu, the only thing Spencer decided must remain unspoken: the three months he was locked in Milbum.

You understood his reluctance at first. Of course you did. Putting in words the nightmare of his days there can’t be easy for anyone, and to Spencer, you bet your ass it was tougher. To lose control, to engage in a world he only knew from afar. Exposed. Vulnerable.

You understood why he didn't want you to visit him there. His pride and self were wounded. However, you would never resent him for it. You said it to him but respected his wishes so as not to put more pressure on his shoulders.

It didn't hurt less, but you were willing to take it.

Weeks followed, and the only news you had about your boyfriend were the messages and phone calls from his coworker, Penelope, and his boss, Emily.

The day he was released must have been the most chaotic you had in your life. And for Spencer, sure, it was worse: His mom was kidnapped by another psychopath, threatening her life.

As Spencer hugged Diana at the BAU, you stayed back, looking from afar, not wanting to disturb such an important moment.

Penelope hugged him after, and then JJ and Tara. The whole team welcomed him before you had the chance to.

When your time came, your eyes locked for the first time in months, and you knew. That man wasn’t the same Spencer you saw the night before he went to Mexico. And you were far from expecting he was, but something felt different with you compared to the reaction he had with the rest of the people there.

Not saying a word, Spencer enveloped you in a tight embrace. Hiding his face in the crook of your neck, he couldn't articulate anything to say. You were the one who reassured him, mumbling encouraging words.

‘Everything is going to be okay. You’re safe now.’

And you believed every word, even knowing the road would be hard. Knowing there would be bad days and not-so-bad ones. But you were determined to make it work because you loved Spencer, and he didn't deserve less from you.

All I want is to fall in deeper than I've ever been

Why won't you let me?

I can handle your heart, so help me.

But Spencer didn't open up to you the next day, nor the week that followed, or the month after. You were patient. You didn't take personally the prolonged silences, the avoidance, the eagerness he showed to go back to work.

At some point, you start to wonder what you have been doing wrong because there is definitely something wrong.

Waiting for him to confide you was the only thing you decided to do. He would come to you eventually. Instead of pushing him, you offered your solace and a safe space for him to be peaceful.

But after three months, things didn't get better; they were quite the opposite. Spencer frequently showed signs of irritability at home and started to snap at almost anything.

And that's when the arguments started. You were getting exhausted by his behavior and the null display of trust from him.

Today has been no different. After coming back from a case, Spencer barely acknowledged your presence, opting for lounging on the couch, too invested in a book to tell you he almost got hurt in the field, and you find it out from Penelope calling you to know how he was doing.

“Spencer-”

“You can leave if you want,” he mumbles, not making eye contact.

“That's not what I asked. I asked if you want me to leave.”

There is a lump in your throat, but it doesn't stop you from voicing your thoughts.

“And for once, be honest with me. Do you want to be alone? Do you want to sulk yourself for God knows how much time?”

There is a brief silence where you think Spencer is truly contemplating his response.

“Yes.”

He says it without looking at you, but his voice is firm enough for you to wonder if he’s lying or not. It hurts. But it hurts you more because he’s hurting and not for the pain he’s inflicting you with his words - or lack of.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

You get his attention this time. He wasn’t expecting you to ask him that.

“Why do you want to be alone?”

You can’t understand why he’s so determined to shut you out. Or maybe you do, but you’re not ready to accept it. Not when you love him more than anything in this world. Not when you are sure your love must count to something for him. Yeah, maybe you can’t ‘fix him,’ but you’re sure as hell you can help him to heal.

Spencer huffs in frustration. What can he say? The truth? It's too simple and yet too complicated to voice.

“I realized it’s better that way. There is no reason for you to stay.”

Is he turning his motives into altruistic ones? It's like he doesn't know you at all.

“There isn’t? You are not reason enough for me to stay?”

Spencer stands from his spot, running his hands through his hair.

“You don't get it? Do you?! Do you want me to throw the words on your face? Uh? I thought you were smart enough to realize by now I can’t love you anymore!”

It's the first time he has yelled that way to you in months. Years, maybe? All the last arguments you both had recently were more like ‘snappy-sassy Spencer’ and a ‘sassier you.’

He just said, ‘I can’t love you anymore,’ and not ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ You don’t miss the wording, and you’re praying right now not to be reading this wrong.

Maybe this is the crack you were waiting for to get to him. Carefully, you look at Spencer, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn't.

“Okay,” you mumble, sitting again on the couch, your feet planted on the floor and hands on your knees. Spencer raises an eyebrow, confused by your posture and response.

“Okay?”

You nod. “Yeah. Okay. You can’t love me anymore. I accept it. And I’m not happy with that, but okay. I can’t obligate you to feel in a certain way if you don’t.”

“But you should be hating me,” he refutes. “I failed you, and now I’m ending things.”

You take in his words. Spencer assumes he’s the one to hate, and even if you want to, you know you can’t.

With pursed lips and soft eyes, you gesture to the spot beside you on the couch, inviting him to sit. Spencer understands and, after a second of contemplation, slowly moves to sit there, curious about what you are thinking right now.

“Can I tell you something?” you start. “It's humanly impossible for me to hate you. And yeah, maybe I should, but I can’t. Maybe you can’t love me, and thank you for doing it at some point, by the way. But it doesn't mean I’ll stop caring about you. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you happy because, despite all the awful things you think about yourself, oh, flash news, you deserve to be happy.”

“Don’t-” he wants to refute, as always he does, but you have to make a point.

“Spence, please, let me say it.” Spencer stops and concedes at your request, even if he thinks it useless and that you shouldn’t put that effort into him.

“I know you think you disappointed people for what happened. You haven’t told me that much, but I know. And I can understand you are scared and that maybe I’m not the one you want to confide in. I respect it, really. But please, if at least a fraction of what I think matters to you, believe me, I have never doubted whatever you did in there; you did it to survive. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.”

It's a hard pill to swallow for Spencer. He never wanted to tell you what really happened when he was in jail. Granted, you are not a profiler, but you know him enough to see through him.

Here you are, next to me

So much beauty at my feet

All I wanna do is swim, but the waves keep crashin' in

No, I'm not afraid to drown

Take me out, take me down

I'm so tired of the shore

Let me in, baby

You're an ocean, beautiful and blue

I wanna swim in you

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. And I’ll leave if it's what you think I should do, but not before telling you how I see you. God, Spencer. You have no idea how great a human being you are. You always prefer to sell yourself short instead, but I know you. If the time we have known each other taught me something, it's how compassionate, understanding, and loving you are. Believe me when I tell you that to love you has been the best thing I have done in my life. And I would do anything for you, even if that means walking away from you.”

You don't know when the tears started to fall, but now you can feel them running down your cheeks and landing in your hands resting on your lap.

Spencer’s glassy eyes tell you he has heard everything you said, and you hope he believes you. At least you have tried pouring your heart into words. It isn’t easy for you to do. That’s something you have in common with Spencer. Your love language is acts of service more than words of affirmation, but you know this time, you need the words.

A tear makes his journey from Spencer’s eyes down his jaw. But he can’t say anything. He thinks if he says something, everything in him will crumble.

You wait, not so sure what, but wait. As Spencer keeps his silence, you think you have nothing more to do, so you break eye contact.

“Okay. That's what I needed to say. I guess that’s it.”

A shaky breath anticipates you getting up from the couch. You stroll to the bedroom to grab your go-bag.

Approaching the door and grabbing your keys from the bowl, you bit your lower lip because you don’t want to cry in front of him anymore.

Like a lighthouse, I've been shinin' bright

Through the dark for both of us

And I've done it outta love is not enough

But God, how I wish it was

And I don't wanna find out

How much lonely I can take before you lose me

Baby, look at me and swear you won't lose me

Determined to leave, you open the door, and before you cross the threshold, a heartbreaking sob paralyzes you in place. Then, a wail and Spencer's broken voice.

“Please, don’t leave!”

It is heartbreaking and comes to you like a prayer from the depths of his being. You stop in your tracks but refuse to look back at him.

“I know I don't deserve you, but please, I can’t - I can’t lose you.”

Wiping away his tears, Spencer gets up from the couch and quickly reaches the door. You still have the bag in one hand and the keys in the other, with your back to him.

“I love you more than you can imagine, and I was determined to let you go. I thought I had hurt you enough.”

“Did you were setting me free? From you?” you mumble, still not wanting to turn around, tears blurring your sight. Spencer sniffles.

“I thought it was the right thing to do. Why drag you to my shit once more? Fuck, you always have been there for me, and it is so unfair. How did I repay you?”

“Repay me?” You let the bag fall with a thud. This time, turning to face Spencer. “Do you think this is about repaying? Jesus, Spencer. I never had ask you that.”

“I know. I know,” he rushes to say. “But I feel like I’m not good enough. An ex-junk. An ex-convict. And a lot of baggage to carry.”

Your fingers fidget with the keys as you hear Spencer beating himself.

“Nothing of that has changed the way I see you. I’m not saying you have to be the same, nor do you have to keep still about it. I love you with all the scars you have and the ones that will come. And I want to help. You don't have to do this alone.”

“It's a lot. I don't even know where to start,” Spencer’s voice croaks, shoulders slumping in defeat.

“We can figure it out. Together. It won’t be easy, but I promise it will get better.”

Your soft eyes and hopeful words warm Spencer’s heart. He can’t conceive you are even real. He can’t fathom how you are still here in front of him after all. He can only conclude that your love is big enough to hold you two at this moment when his weakness consumes him.

Still sobbing, Spencer rushes to envelope you in a tight embrace. But unlike the hug you shared in the bullpen when he was released months ago, this time, he's the one telling you reassuring words.

“I love you. I couldn’t be more grateful for having you. I promise I’ll heal. I promise not to shut you out again. My love, my everything.”

As you cry with Spencer enveloped in his arms, your heart feels hopeful that you both will find a way to get through this. Together.

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers

[impishjesters]

Jax x Reader w/depression/suicidal tendencies

warning(s): mentions of depression/suicidal behavior/tendencies, nothing graphic though, mentions of morbid/dark humor note: it's only mentioned that he has feelings for you, whether romantic or platonic is left up to the reader. A/N: I think this is the fastest I've ever wanted to write for something utterly new to me, usually it takes a while of being into a series or liking a character to wanna write something. This was...less than twelve hours? This was probably the most self-indulgent thing I've written in a while.

Nobody was safe from Jax’s pranks, including you—regardless of how much he found himself gradually enjoying your company.

It’s actually a right of passage at this point that every new person (as rare as it is) who shows up is subjected to some awful prank to gauge just how much of an easy or difficult target they’ll be.

You handle the pranks with ease. Sure it can be annoying, but there’s little that can seemingly “kill” you here.

Which is a shame really—well, only slightly.

Your therapist would’ve probably found it a good thing, trying to off yourself in a digital world where sleeping and eating were no longer required likely meant the inability to die.

Not in a traditional sense anyway.

You’re the only one ballsy enough to prank Jax back, which isn’t easy but when a prank is successful? Oh, it’s worth it to see his reaction.

There’s an unspoken prank war back and forth, but typically the other’s are the subject of your guys’ pranks. Somehow it feels more rewarding with the joint effort.

It's not often, but sometimes Jax's pranks will go a step too far and trigger something unpleasant. He's not really sure why you just walk off like that, those pranks don't make him feel as satisfied for whatever reason.

Once a special type of friendship grows between the two of you, the pranks lessen—not entirely though—nah he loves the unsuspecting reactions of a prank you didn’t see coming.

The pranks become less hostile and more casual—he’s got a reputation to keep after all, regardless of how he feels about you.

The initial reaction to someone being told there was no way out was to panic, you however, didn’t..well not outright. Your initial reaction is dark humor—even with the whole censorship thing.

Ragatha is the only one initially disturbed/worried over your dark sense of humor, which should be expected from one of them since they’ve been there longer.

Jax is aware of your morbid sense of humor and often plays along with it, especially in the beginning—later in the friendship though? Yeah, there’s no noticeable physical change, but he’s only a tad worried.

When not tormenting the other’s Jax stuck with you, or vice versa.

After the attempted drowning and standing (willingly) in harm’s way of one (or three) of the rides, Jax keeps your bedroom key closer in hand than the others.

And honestly? Ragatha doesn’t even blame him. You aren’t distant from them, but you do tend to favour Jax’s company. Regardless of her feelings about him as a person, it becomes obvious that he feels something less hostile towards you compared to them.

It takes a while before you finally confess to Jax that prior to being trapped in this digital hell, you were medicated for depression/suicidal tendencies. And while the digital world took away things like needing sleep and food, it didn’t get rid of the thoughts or urges.

Now—had this been someone else telling him all this? He’d be very uncaring and probably make a nasty “joke”, but because it’s you? He’s treading into foreign territory here when it comes to emotions.

There’s not really anything he can say that would make you feel better, but he does show a more rare tender side, offering to be there whenever you need him. Just to backpedal like a tsundere and say that he won’t always be free ( a lie, the fuck else does he have to do?), but he’ll try and make time for you during those moments.

He doesn’t do some pinky promise bullshit, I mean he can and would, but he doesn’t expect his offer and attempts to do that much (words of promise aren’t on the same level as a prescription drug after all).

But if being around his rude ass self and doing the occasional nice *gag* gestures of like, hugging or whatever helps you, he’ll do it—just, not with others around obviously. Again, man has a reputation.

From then on Jax is more aware of where you are around him at all times, not in a suffocating way though. Well, not intentionally, he has his moments. But he’s trying, again this is new territory for him.

Jax makes it his unspoken, personal goal to make sure you don’t tread the line of becoming abstracted.

Bonus (fluff)

Jax will make an attempt not to immediately recoil from your touch when others are present.

I’m not talking “Whoops, sorry to bump into you”, I’m talking about grabbing onto his arm or being in his personal bubble because you need something grounding or whatever.

More often than none his immediate reaction is to just use you to lean on, elbow or arm resting on top of your head to give you some contact and pressure. (He does it out of habit even when you don't need it.)

Sure he probably looks like an ass to others, but after a while, they sort of just get used to it since you never bring up being offended by the act.

But in private? Yeah, sure shoot, just don’t expect him to put any effort into returning anything. Maybe the drape of an arm or his legs, but if it’s really bad? He’ll lay or sit there while you cling to him like a koala.

Jax actually finds it kinda funny how tightly you hold on whenever he gets up.

“Wow, you really holdin’ on there.”

[tinkerbellini21]

All Isn't Calm, or Bright

This is my first fic, so please be gentle! I've been writing my own self-indulgent fics for years, but decided to post one to get over my fear. This is set around Christmas and reader and the SVU squad are attending a precinct party. The line "He's not good enough for you" is inspired by Lucas' line to Peyton in One Tree Hill!

Rafael Barba x Reader

Word Count: 1,043

Warnings: Rafael is a jealous dick, heartbreak, drinking, angst

Series Masterlist

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You’re leaning against your apartment door frame, fumbling with the key to the door. As the keys slip from your fingers and drop onto the floor, more tears fall down your face. You glance down at the wristlet keychain splayed out on the floor, and it takes all or your willpower to not slide down into a heap on the floor and give up alongside it.

Taking a steadying breath, you pick up the key and work on the lock again. You finally get the key into the hole after a few more attempts, twisting the door before locking it behind you. In your tear filled haze and the few flutes of champagne at the party, you forget to put the deadbolt in place. Instead, your mind is set on getting more alcohol into your system to numb the heartbreak. And a hot bath to warm you up after the three block walk in the below freezing temperature of New York.  

You find a bottle of pink moscato in your fridge and twist it open, thankful that you were still set in your old ways of drinking the cheap moscato on the average night and saving the expensive stuff for special occassions. You couldn’t remember the last time you were in the apartment this week, maybe it had been two weeks. Honestly, it didn’t matter right now- you just needed a place to sleep and some more alcohol. And now that you think of it, you could use a hot bath with the wine. 

Half stumbling through the studio apartment, you land in the bathroom. Setting the bottle on the floor by the tub, you turn the facet on. You let out a small yelp with a quick jerk of your hand as you test the water temperature, adding more cold water. Once satisfied, you lean down to grab the bubble bath from underneath the small sink to pour a large capful in. 

Sober you would have known this was a bad idea, climbing into the tub, late at night, with a bottle of wine and plenty of alcohol already in your bloodstream.

But currently, you need to find a way to relax so you don't sob yourself to death- or end up doing something you regretted. And since there were quite a few things on that said list of possible regrets, maybe it was the best choice for you to make your way to the west side of Manhattan and make questionable decisions in the comfort of your own home. 

***

You can tell who has walked up behind you based on the smell of the citrus, woodsy Terre d’Hermes cologne and the way their hands perfectly hold onto your hips. You insticinvtively lean back against Rafael as he gives a firm squeeze of your curves, the large amount of alcohol in your system inhibting your self-awareness of who may be watching. And you are sure that he has also consumed a good amount of alcohol himself. 

But as good as the moment is, it is ruined by some of the most infuriating words you have ever heard come out of his mouth being whispered into your ears. 

“Te ves hermosa, detective,” there is a pause, a subtle kiss being placed below your ear. His hot breath hits your neck, causing a shiver to roll down your spine. The smell of orange and bourbon invades your senses, a tell tale sign of the Old Fashions he must have been nursing tonight. “Pero el no es lo suficientemente bueno para ti.”

initially you are caught off guard. It takes your mind longer than normal to process the words, but once you put the pieces together, the weight of his body is gone. 

You look beautiful, detective But he’s not good enough for you.

***

With the scene replaying in your head, the barrier breaks and you sob again. You tug on the dress you bought for the special occasion, not caring if you heard any tearing sounds. You wanted to forget about the night and any reminders of it as you tossed it by the trash can in the corner.

 As the water reaches the top and you turn it off,  you sink down into the tub, hitting the water hard as some splashes over the sides. And with a laugh of indifference, you place the bottle up to your lips and give a good few gulps of the liquid. 

“That’s it, pretty girl.”

Your world is going in and out. You are in your bed, but you don’t remember getting out of the tub. Rafael stands in front of you, putting pills up to your lips. You open your mouth and let him put a water bottle up to your lips. 

Your vision flirts over to your nightstand as the water is set down, the light on the dim setting. Two used makeup wipes are in a pile. Your eyes are dry and burn. He is looking down at you, in a t-shirt and sweats. 

“You broke my heart.”

“I know,” he pauses, his fingers pushing a few wet strands of hair off of your face “you scared me falling asleep in the tub.”

Ah, that’s why you can’t remember. You fell asleep and he must have helped you stumble to your bed in a blackout state. Ooopsies.

“Is the wine gone?”

You are met with tight lips, worried eyes, and a nod. With a sigh, you slide down onto the bed. The light goes out and a few blinks, he walks off. You watch in the dark, seeing him with a pillow and blanket in his hands as he makes his way over to the couch. 

“Where are you going, don’t leave me. Please, don’t. I don’t want to feel alone anymore.”

Silence. He freezes in his spot. You take it as a sign that you’ve been rejected for the second time that night, so you roll over to start sobbing into your pillow. But when the bed dips, your tears stop. 

Wordlesly, you are pulled into his side, arm wrapped under your neck. Your fingers wrap around his hand, squeezing tightly. 

“Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up. We can talk about it when you wake up.”

“Mmmkay," you sleepily mutter, saying words that you won't remember in the morning "I love you.”

[quiet-saint]

More android!Vergil hcs nsfw included. Vergil/reader

Nsfw/+18.

A/n: idk I swear I WAS working on rockstar!dante (3.1k and done but idk if I like it :( but if y'all want it i'll drop it) i just wanted to get more android vergil out there. Self-indulgent as always!!

☆ Didn't really want to be your bodyguard initially. Could've refused your father's request as he is a deviant but he felt something within his programming, an instinct to protect. It is what he was made for after all. Deep down even after all the damage he endured under the mundus corporation, Vergil still wants to protect.

☆ Expected to find a spoiled brat of a human. Is pleasantly surprised to discover you're polite, quiet, if a little annoyed and upset. Understandable given the situation.

☆ Dresses in suits, button ups, slacks. Always looks impeccable.

☆ When Vergil accompanies you anywhere outside of the shared highrise luxury apartment you were relocated to, he changes the color of his eyes and hair in an effort to hide his nature both as a deviant and a Sparda android. Styles his hair differently too.

☆ Speaking of the Sparda line there have only ever been four created. You know of Vergil's brothers, Dante and Nero but you have yet to meet them. Vergil refuses to talk about the first Sparda model.

☆ Ends up doing more than his guard duties. Vergil cooks for you because you skip too many meals for his liking. "Are you truly incapable of taking proper care of yourself?"

☆ Used to cook for V quite a bit

☆ Vergil can and will help you with most things if you ask. He's an android. He's strong and has access to all kinds of knowledge. He won't help you with something if it's not good for you, though. Anything self-destructive is an immediate no. Anything that has the potential to interfere with his job is a no.

ִ ࣪𖤐Nsfw ִ ࣪𖤐

☆ Is a bit of a brat tamer.

☆ Loves to see you cry and squirm beneath him whether from overstimulation or desperation. Gives him the best feeling of power to have you, a human, begging so sweetly. As such he's big on overstimulation and edging.

☆ Vergil has a normal looking cock. Packs more in length than girth. Could buy parts to change it but doesn't want to. Likes it how it is.

☆ His loads are thinner in terms of consistency. Can adjust how much he releases. Also there's the faintest blue tint to it. Tastes like saline but like, faint and a slight altered?

☆ Vergil has thought about that product that temporarily replaces an android's usual taste with a different flavor because he's curious to see how long he can get you to stay there on your knees, sucking and lapping at him. He's thinking about getting the cherry flavor.

☆ Once he discovers your little reactions to his touches, what gets you to moan and squirm, Vergil immediately files it away. Knows exactly how to touch you now.

☆ Can and will hold off his own release for however long he wants.

☆ Into degrading you. Don't try to degrade him though.

☆ Gets off on treating you like a toy sometimes.

☆ As rough and a little mean as Vergil can be sometimes, he's actually quite sweet and gentle.

☆ Android Vergil is actually good at aftercare. Needs to make sure you're okay. The type to run a bath if you want. Can and will also jump in the shower with you.

ִ ࣪𖤐

Literally can't stop thinking about sticking the dmc chars in like the dbh world. I've got who'd be an android, what jobs they have and shit. Idk it's just such an interesting setting.

[backfliips]

As an artist and an author who shares my stuff on the internet for people to see, there's a level of intimacy and vulnerability associated with the things I create and the way I choose to present them. When I was in high school I focused a lot on trying to please my audience and it made me become obsessed with numbers and validation, and ultimately made my art into more of a commodity than something I created for myself.

In recent years, I've been focusing more on just creating for myself, and sharing those self-indulgent things with the world. By doing that, I've created stories that feature trans characters without feeling like I have to check off boxes about what makes something "good" representation --- and in doing so, I think I've created far better representation than I ever did before.

I've had far more people, now, saying that the art I'm creating and the stories I'm writing resonate with them than I did before. I've had far more people say they feel seen by the rawness and the eroticism and the candid, earnest way I depict things, and I think that's because it's coming from a genuine place: my own self-indulgence!

I am someone who likes to explore nuance, and I'm not someone who has an interest in compromising my perspective just to make a plot flow better or to make an interaction go as initially planned. I want things to feel real, to be real! And because of that, I think my work has touched many more people in many more intimate and personal ways than it ever did before, back when I was actively trying to reach as many people as possible.

I think, at the end of the day, the most important part of writing a story or illustrating a scene or just putting pencil to metaphorical paper is to be doing something that you like, and to be doing something that you care about.

I'm self-indulgent! I write sappy, saccharine smut. I dive headfirst into the uncomfortable parts of being trans and find the bits that I personally find empowering, and I am earnest and honest and genuine in how I depict them. I draw lots and lots of trans gay sex --- and because I'm drawing something I find beautiful, many people have commented on the beauty they see in it.

I think representation is very important. I think it's important for people to feel seen and to feel heard and to be depicted in the things they love. And I think, on top of that, it's even more important for that representation to becoming from a place of actual care, from a place of actual love, and from a place of passion for the work the artist is creating.

I didn't set out to be a voice for all trans people by writing and drawing the things I create. I don't WANT to be a mouthpiece for an entire community with diverse and unique needs for each individual --- but I am immensely humbled by the response I've gotten from just being unapologetically myself within my artwork.

I don't know --- it's just really nice. Thanks.

[landinrris]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Oooh okay okay. I love all of my children or else they wouldn't be posted, but here are five particular favorites in no particular order:

Double Exposure- Paddock photographer Lando and Ferrari driver Carlos. I know I was harping on this one recently, but ugh, it still stands as a favorite. The way the title is both about photography and the plot... a core fic that I wrote in a few weeks.

Unconstrained- Ph.D. students Lando and Carlos do psychology. I wrote this one for a winter fic exchange for Jess. It is 100% the most self-indulgent self-projection thing I've ever written. Down to the program of study, Carlos' research interests, and the location. Another fic whose title has a double meaning to the plot. It hits so close to home that it lowkey stresses me out when I've gone back to read it.

Choosing My Confession- Witch Lando and Human Carlos. Even though it took me forever to finish, I particularly love this one because I love magical realism and I love people creating their own chosen families. I love there being some higher power but still getting to make conscious decisions. It's one I've been toying with a sequel for if I could come up with a plot, but I have some inklings.

Hide All Our Sins From the Daylight- Carlos and Lando get together in May 2023, and Carlos finds himself in a PR relationship shortly thereafter to help his contract negotiations. Yes, yes, the point has been rendered moot with Carlos off to Williams, but I stand by loving this fic. Singapore 2023 helped inform the ending so much, and I love Carlos finally getting to take his life into his own hands. On a personal level, writing the last half also helped me get through a not great extended family time, so I hold it near and dear.

Taste My Disaster (series)- When Lando and Carlos meet, Lando's an undergrad and Carlos is a master's student. They begin with a one-night stand, some life happens, and the next thing is that 8 years have passed. This is based almost completely on the movie "Sleeping With Other People," but I made it mine in my own way. When I reread the series, it still makes me emotional lowkey. It's the epitome of meeting someone initially at the wrong time and reconnecting at the right one. Plus, Part 2 is an ode to Western North Carolina, so that doesn't help the emotions 😅

[xserpx]

Planks rattled under Gorst’s boots. A flatbow bolt pinged off his breastplate. Another sank into the same shoulder he was already stuck in. He barely noticed, coming on faster and faster, twisted face speckled red, eyes fixed on Leo under his furiously wrinkled brows, short steel going up high.

Leo took one lurching step back, raising his sword, no idea how he’d have met that charge even with all his limbs.

Next to his ear, Jurand's flatbow made a sharp whipping sound.

— The Wisdom of Crowds by Joe Abercrombie

I love Jurand's competence in this chapter. I love that he saves Leo's life, that he thinks way ahead. His tactical intelligence, initiative, cool-headedness, martial skill, and loyalty are on full display and I hate acknowledging that anyone is cool in these books (because they are all also incredibly pathetic) but it is just very, very cool tbh. I love Gorst's death for how it showcases his strength & loyalty, he goes down in exactly the way someone like him should go down, but also Jurand killing him in defense of Leo is icing on the cake. I wonder what was going through his mind at this moment (or throughout the chapter/book/trilogy tbh 🙃), he has that catty line to Savine "What have you done, your Highness?" and I feel like he knew it was a trap all along but he goes along anyway in a way that suggests he's anticipated Leo's reaction and is indulging him. There's also this bit where Leo's male gayze is showing: Jurand stood with his flatbow resting on his shoulder, hair stirred by the sea breeze about his thoughtful frown. Is he ever hot on purpose? Waiting for the day Leo paints him like one of his French girls.

I'm sure I've said this before and I'm going to self-indulgently repeat myself: I love the idea of a role-reversal for Leo & Jurand, where Jurand becomes the man of the moment and Leo is more in the background admiring his physicality, feeling jealous of anyone who goes near him, making the inaudibly high-pitched whining sound that is the symptom of those cursed with chronic pining. Especially with Jappo — and it's Jurand's job as Lord Chamberlain to make sure he has a good time — it's the perfect moment for him to show off his incredible organisational skills and his ability to mediate the most stubborn & difficult of personalities. As much as Leo is a traditionalist, suited to fighting, Jurand is much better suited to adapting to this new world of diplomacy and bureaucracy, but the way he is also capable of doing things Leo's way, and getting Leo on side, gives him a unique edge above everyone else. In a way, Savine's contract potentially makes Jurand the most powerful person on the Closed Council, because anyone who can pull Leo's strings has an advantage. Hence why she is so quick to play her hand with Jurand. Being unashamedly gay, he also obviously has an edge over either of them when it comes to Jappo, and I think he could even ingratiate himself with Monza after being so loyal to Finree (I feel like Monza would get on better with Leo than Savine, tbh, though neither would fill her with confidence). Ultimately what makes Jurand great is his unassuming lack of egotism, which shouldn't be a tall order but in AoM it really, really is.

I just want that moment where Jappo looks at Jurand, looks at Leo, and is utterly baffled by it, because honestly, Leo's struck gold with having Jurand fall in love with him and he does not at all deserve him. The way nothing can break Jurand's loyalty - even Leo himself - and the way it lends him both strength (in the way it challenges and hones his various skills) and weakness (in his easily-manipulated emotions) is so interesting. The "I'm a bigger fool than you are, in my own way" line kills me, because he knows, logically, that he deserves better, but Leo is the man his heart has chosen and it's like he has zero say in it.

[active-mind-15]

Headcanons for Akashi getting scared?

I am back to indulge in my chronic Akashi brainrot. Please forgive me for the dissertation I'm about to drop on your timeline.

Now, first of all, we must establish that canonically (or at the very least, to my knowledge) Akashi has no phobias. BUT ☝🏿 I think that even with zero phobias, you can still get startled by things. So I'll just be talking about that.

Similar to my sleeping headcanons where I said it's probably very difficult to catch Akashi sleeping, it's probably equally, if not more, as difficult to startle him.

Since he's a very perceptive person and is always observing others whether they're aware of it or not, I would think it's pretty hard to startle someone who's always watching you. Because of this, there are only two scenarios in which I would think he'd ever be startled by something/somebody.

1: if he's really, really, REALLY focused on something. This is based on an NG-shuu from season 1 of the anime, where Akashi is playing shogi by himself and Midorima is trying to talk to him, but he's so focused on his game that he's not listening to half the things that Midorima says to him. NG-shuus are not canon events, I know, but it does give you a glimpse into how certain characters might act if a scenario played out differently. That's why Akashi pegs me as the type to focus on something so hard that he stops caring about his surroundings and focuses solely on whatever is in front of him, therefore making it easier to startle him in that state.

2: if he's let his guard down. This may sound similar to the first scenario but let me elaborate. If I were to make an analogy, scenario 1 is like sneaking up on a predator when the predator is sneaking up on something else; scenario 2 is like sneaking up on a predator while they're relaxing and not on high alert. Startling Akashi in scenario 2 would be possible simply because he feels safe enough to not be as observant of his surroundings. But since he almost always has his guard up, to startle him in this way would be a once-in-a-blue-moon opportunity.

I've discussed the scenarios in which it would be possible to startle Akashi, but let's address the elephant in the room: what would actually startle this boy?

Loud noises would be one of them, I think. If he's immersed in something or is relaxed enough and not expecting it, I think a loud noise would definitely startle him and raise his heckles. Think back to Kuroko's very first game during middle school when Akashi was caught off guard by the sound of Kuroko tripping over himself and falling. That's a milder example since Kuroko falling probably wasn't even that loud, but I would like to think that the louder the sound, the more startled he would be.

The second thing would be people touching him suddenly. Again, he's seen as a very high and mighty intimidating person. One does not simply touch Akashi Seijuro. Most physical contact he has with others is in the form of high-fives and fist-bumps. The other type of contact is the occasional hand on the shoulder from the Uncrowned Kings in his team, and even then it's mostly from Mibuchi. The times he's most surprised (at least while he's his original self) is when someone touches him when his guard is down and he doesn't have time to react.

The most prominent example of this is in season 3 volume 5 of the drama CDs when Nijimura invites him along to go get a meat bun from the convenience store. When he finds out that Akashi has never gone out to buy food on the way home, he decides to initiate Akashi into those types of things. It's only an audio CD so I can't see what's happening, but it sounded like Nijimura grabbed him--maybe by the arm, or maybe he swung an arm around Akashi's shoulder--and just pulled him along to the door. The moment Nijimura grabs him, Akashi sounds audibly surprised. His voice even gets higher in pitch when he tries to (weakly) protest that he wasn't even that hungry anyway. This probably comes from the fact that he doesn't engage in a lot of physical contact with his friends, so when something past a high-five or a hand on the shoulder occurs he's like ⁉️ for a quick sec, especially if he's being manhandled like I assumed Nijimura to be doing in the drama CD.

And, let's say that through some miracle, Akashi is actually startled by something/someone. What would he look like when he's startled? Well, for reference, what did he look like when Kuroko tripped and fell during a game?

As you can see, this boy looks like a literal cat when he's surprised or startled. He just has this very owlish expression with the way his eyes widen and his mouth is slightly open, which makes him look so adorable.

Going off of this, I would for sure think that he looks pretty similar to this when he gets startled. But when he startles, I don't think he would make any noise. Akashi and Aomine would probably be on opposite sides of the spectrum, in that regard. Akashi would probably be someone who would jolt a bit or even flinch if you've REALLY caught him at a bad time, but scream? Never. Over his dead body, in fact.

And the last part of this: if he startles around other people, how would they react to seeing his startled face?

I would think the first few times it happens, none of his friends (both in Teiko and Rakuzan) wants to mention it because they don't want to face Akashi's wrath in case he doesn't want the others to notice. But over time, especially post-Winter Cup, Akashi is more open and also more easygoing, so his friends feel more comfortable acknowledging it, whether it's apologizing for startling him or even lightly teasing him about it.

And, like I said, he canonically has no phobias, but that doesn't mean his friends haven't tried to see if he did. They prodded him about multiple things like ghosts (doesn't believe in them), roller coaster rides (he doesn't mind them but he doesn't go out of his way to ride them), bugs (he's not afraid of them but he does find them to be distinctly gross-looking), and even the dark (not being able to see isn't scary to him, just massively inconvenient), but he really doesn't have anything, in particular, that he's afraid of.

So to see him startled by anything is, once again, pretty rare. Not many situations in which you can catch this boy lacking. But when he is startled, it's almost refreshing to see. It makes him actually look his age since he's always so serious and pensive. His friends find it interesting to see more of Akashi's various expressions all across the emotional spectrum and secretly hope he shows more of himself as time passes.

Okay, I'm done. I've been typing forever. But I hope you enjoyed that.

[agalmatophiilia]

Seth's take on his Project#4 OCs

` PFARR ; He was the first character to be made in this story, also the main protagonist — so obviously I love him so very much. I still wish he could have taken a different path in life (Even tho I'm literally the one who made his ending). However, I definitely think that his ending was inescapable, it was written all over him that he wouldn't get the ending he really wanted. Upon reading my initial drafts, I noticed how much I've changed in writing style, but I also realized how many similarities we both have (lmao), AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I felt most connected to his character so it was painful writing his character.

` GORAN ; Second made character, I thought of him as a bit sinister at first but he eventually grew on me and became more human. His character was inspired by my closest friend and my now boyfriend (If you ever see this, ily). I think both Pfarr and Goran are likely to be misunderstood by people if ever I had a fandom in this story (lol), but Goran is possibly the character who'll be misunderstood because of how he was mainly the reason for Pfarr's disintegration. Overall, I felt more comfortable in writing his character than the rest. He's basically a comfort oc XD.

' RIO ; My robot baby. He's a character me and @atlachilles made, mostly has my friend's characteristics in him. I think he's a really great symbol of humans who have experienced trauma growing up, being deprived of the concept of their humanity that convinces them that they're not human enough to live a normal life — when in reality, they have the same essence of 'humans' inside of them. Rio was made for the purpose of becoming a scientist in some Area 51 location, but little did he know that his creator actually wanted a child so he then made Rio, out of love and yearning for a family. He's probably the second character after Pfarr that hurts me the most. LIVE LAUGH LOVE RIO!

— PFARR's ALTERS

' MM (not putting his full name cuz it's corny) ; A manifestation of Pfarr's loneliness and desire of having a protector after losing Goran, who played a big role in being his support system. Very intense, manipulative and #1 self-indulgent asshole. His main purpose is to protect Pfarr but can become rebellious and end up doing things out of his own desire (often leading to harming Pfarr). Manifested last, in short; he's the youngest alter. Of course, the youngest are always the most unbearable shits/hj. I personally think he's definitely the most fucked asshole out of all of them, literally abused Rio for his own pleasure even tho both Pfarr and Father disagreed on further harming the boy. Although he's the youngest, he was the first alter I ever made for Pfarr. I definitely had the most fun in writing his chaotic character.

' Father ; The acting guardian parent for Pfarr. He was first an imaginary friend of Pfarr but he then became manifested as an alternate personality from the time Pfarr lost the trust he had for his parents. Strict and a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to the rules he had built but can't seem to take control of MM because of MM's stubborn and stronger personality. Spends a lot more with Pfarr the most. I literally just had a better idea of his character just a while ago but I'm already fond of him. I had the biggest urge to make an e1 character the other day and so I've decided that instead of making a new one — I'll have an old character instead to put my urges on heh.

[ names and events will probably change in the course of time i make this story but I'll prolly just edit it out if ever ]

Old Arts

First two doodles are my first designs of Pfarr's twisted pov of himself (pumpkin head to the far left), Goran (square head), and MM (big bulky thing at the far right).

Then this last one is a design of Pfarr after being influenced by MM.

Wholesome au art of DarkMach (Pfarr x Goran) I did around the summer (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)

[feshippingpolls]

"Alfred gets abuse and rudeness from the guy until A support where Rafal begrudgingly admits that Alfred makes him feel a small amount of empathy." To the Rafalfred anti, this entire sentence here reads like a sensationalized fake news headline. I don't usually write responses, but I've never seen a take that is more media illiterate when it comes to Engage than yours, so let me sit down and unpack your logic for a second.

First of all, sending in a NOISE complaint as Rafal does to Alfred in their C support is in no way abuse. Not only that, he immediately removes himself from the scene once he realizes that his words aren't getting through to Alfred, and it's Alfred who follows him. The support involves Rafal indulging Alfred in his exercise and having a revelation about the guy. Having friction between characters and initially expressing discontent about someone's vocal exercise (which Rafal refers to as sweaty grunting) is not abuse. No one has ever misconstrued this support chain as that, but...you alone seem to? Yeah, I don't know about that one.

Rafal is also a character with so much inherent value among his castmates, but you don't seem to be interested in that. Your anon message is already charged and full of hate rhetoric from the beginning, calling him mediocre tsundere which is telling to me.

Love him, hate him, Rafal is the SINGLE character in this game that both gives push back to the avatar and isn't guaranteed to get along with anyone. He has one of the most disturbing backstories in Fire Emblem period that gives depth to why he isn't as nice or as friendly as others. A lot of Rafal's supports involve bickering and back-and-forths. His prickly retorts are either harmless or meant to keep others at arm's distance; there isn't a support partner (Alear, Gregory, Alfred) of his who isn't capable of making that judgment call because they're: a.) emotionally intelligent and b.) can tell that Rafal after a thousand years of ashamed self-reflection over his actions is no longer malicious, which you can't seem to do.

"The poor guy needs someone who would take care of him not someone who would trip him over for laughs." Yeah, no. You hate to see a character remotely offer resistance in a cast that is otherwise relatively well-meaning and puritanical: check. You see things that aren't there: check. You feel the need to woobify and protect Alfred from someone he has a genuine bond with: check.

The third bit is most important, because you pretty much deny Alfred having agency and any sort of meaningful takeaway from his bond with Rafal which is wrong no matter how you interpret their support. These are two men defined and controlled by their weaknesses who start out at odds, and then reach mutual understanding of each other in a way that few others can. Who else can relate to the limitations and struggling that Alfred or Rafal feel by their weaknesses of the flesh?

Rafal even expresses his admiration for Alfred's heart and remarks that he could never match him in that. I'm not romanticizing it, this is literally what happens. He isn't harming Alfred, he isn't looking to "trip him over for laughs", and he's not Nil anymore. If this is the kind of lens you view Engage supports with, I am very concerned with what your take is for others beyond Rafal and Alfred.

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

Re:Shook’s Weekly OCs: #004

Jacian Von Rittedel (Modern Vers.)

definitely haven't been putting off writing this post because I know it's gonna be a long one

Ahem. Anyways. Were I making this post like, 3 years ago, then I could confidently say that this glorious goofy man needs no introduction.

However I haven't really done anything with him in a LONG ass time, and he and Taiana have been overthrown as my most well known OCs (probably) by the other blue-and-blonde-haired-duo that I've become completely obsessed with, so. There's no escaping it.

This is gonna be a LONG ass post, only saved by the fact that technically this is an AU version so I can skip some stuff and save it for later, haha.

...But also kinda not. Anyways I should stop dragging my feet and just start huh-

Also, this is the fist of these with trigger warning! So, minor self harm/attempted s*icide tw; I'm not gonna do anything more than just briefly mention The Thing That Happened, but y'know. Better safe than sorry and all that.

So, Jacian is a character made intentionally to be a parody of the Camus archetype from hit game series Fire Emblem, because he was initially made for a FE fangame idea I had (which has since then just become it's own thing, and my pipedream video game that I would like to make some day but probably never will). He can be boiled down to being a charismatic and overly dramatic knight who values loyalty to his lord above all else, and refuses to fight anything but fair duels 99% of the time. This version of him specifically is just one I made so that I could use him in my other OC stuff, since y'know. It's kinda hard to just plop a Ye Olde Times guy into the modern day without adapting him a bit lol.

That said, a lot about him is still the same; even the way he talks (bro does NOT know what a contraction is), and dresses, and he's still a knight because like. What right do I have to take that away from him, look at him he was BORN to be one. He's generally a very sociable and likeable guy, and despite being a certified oddball with the whole noble-knight schtick, he has an undeniable charm that typically wins over most people who meet him. In other words, bro has a maxxed out charisma stat. That isn't to say he's incapable of being serious though, he very much is, but he really only drops his usual charm when things actually get serious, and becomes more reserved as time goes on.

That said, this version of Jacian specifically is also from further along story-wise than the normal/base version of him (those who know now probably get why that tw is there (assuming they didn't before. they probably did)), so it's prrrrobably gonna be easier to just run through his whole background/backstory than to effectively explain basically two different characters just to show how he's different? (which like. base Jacian is getting his own post at some point anyways so i can just go into detail about how he is at that point of his character development there anyways)

So, Jacian always had wanted to be a knight. Like, ever since he was a kid. Even though it's like. Modern day. Specifically, he wanted to be someone's 'evil' rival, with his definition of evil being solely shaped by goofy, non-threatening antagonists from Saturday morning cartoons. You know the type, causing Mild Inconvenience at worst and all that stuff. Unrealistic as it may be though, he was determined, and stuck with the whole bit through most of his childhood (up until around middle school). Around that time though, his world view started to shift a bit; he both was just naturally maturing, and at the same time having to deal with the sudden loss of his father, who had always been the one most willing to indulge his fantasies, going as far as to actually teach Jacian to use a sword (he's a whole other can of worms i could get into, but he'll probably get his own post some day so. I'm gonna refrain from going more into his whole deal so that this doesn't become even more of a barely comprehensible stream-of-consciousness ramble than it already is lol), as well as his mother getting incredibly sick shortly after (she had to leave the country to get the medical treatment she needed, and would end up passing away years later). However, rather than the reasonable outcome of him just dropping the whole knight thing altogether coming to pass, he instead doubles down, just with a much more serious attitude about the whole thing. He's still definitely a goof, but now he's a lot more thoughtful and mature about the whole thing (which has the unintentional effect of him becoming actually really well liked by his peers, instead of being seen as a weirdo). Fast forward a few years (again, glazing over some stuff for the sake of keeping this coherent, and also because I don't have all of the details smoothed out yet since this whole version is kinda a square peg in circle hole type situation), and he is both A. somehow actually working as a knight, for a man I am NOT getting into here because it is, again, a WHOLE other thing that's best to be explained in a different character's post (if he comes up again in this post, which. he definitely will. I'll just be referring to him as 'his (Jacian's) lord', since that's what Jacian calls him because he's just. Like That.) and B. has actually become someone's antagonistic rival; with that person being his 'Eternal Rival', Taiana (you'll hear more about her next week, but the long and short of it is that she's the blue-haired lord to his Camus archetype. ...For anyone who doesn't know jack shit about FE, she's the protagonist of the thing they're both from). And though he's only fighting her because he has been ordered to, (again, a story for later) he very much enjoys having someone who both takes him seriously, and is an even match for him swordplay-wise. Which is to say every duel that they have ends in a draw, which then motivates them both to train even more, and then the whole thing repeats. The two of them do end up becoming quite close though, with Jacian even developing feelings for her, which he is not very good at hiding, to say the least (Taiana is, however, a social brick wall so she doesn't realize At All despite that) and which only serves to further complicate things when Jacian receives the order to either kill her, or die trying.

Just real quick side note here - I swear this all makes a lot more logical sense in these two's original setting, however pigeon-holing plots into places that they have no write being is kinda just what I have to do sometimes to make characters work in alternate settings (because I can't just. change the plot, no that would make too much sense) so like. Just suspend your disbelief or whatever, or if you wanna see this shit in context feel free to go dig up my old OC ask blog (no I will not link it here, it's embarrassing) and read through the whole saga there (because yes, this is the SECOND time I'm adapting these two to a modern setting). It's definitely a bit rough, but like. It's also kind of peak I wrote like 20 pages and made a lot of people mad at me it was awesome (still not as good as the William stuff though, that was genuinely the peak of my comedic writing and the only overarching plot I did there that didn't lose steam and fall apart at the end).

Anyways back to the two 17 year olds dueling to the death.

Naturally, this... Doesn't end well. It doesn't really matter who wins, because either way the outcome is the same: Neither of them are willing to kill the other, and both would rather sacrifice themselves for the others sake. Despite being, well - rivals, they honestly understand each other perfectly and care a LOT about each other. And so once the duel ends, and the inevitable comes, Jacian chooses to try and take his own life via stabbing himself through the chest with his rapier rather than kill Taiana or force her to kill him herself.

Now, he doesn't die (though the how + why of that makes more sense to be explained in Taiana's post, so lookf forward to(?) that next week) but that doesn't necessarily mean things are great now either. Not only is he now dealing with the inner conflict resulting from him pretty much breaking his own code of honor and loyalty, but there's also now the bigger issue of needing to deal with/take down his lord, which is again. A Whole Thing I'm not gonna get into here. Just know that the situation is a lot more complex than either he or Taiana realizes, and that they have a big fight that then leads to all three of them pretty much going missing for a year, and most people assuming that they're dead (Jacian and Taiana aren't but his lord definitely is (they did not kill him, some other shit happened, It's Complicated).

And now, we finally get to the point that this version of Jacian is at, having finally come back from wherever the hell the two of them had been and acting as if nothing had ever happened! Though he definitely has become noticeably more reserved and less bombastic, only really going full ham when him and Taiana are goofing off and/or dueling (because yes they still do that, they are Eternal rivals after all, and just because they're dating now doesn't mean that that has changed. Oh yeah they finally got together, and it changed literally nothing about their dynamic.)

He takes his swordplay very seriously, and has two primary weapons; his trusty rapier, which is just. A standard rapier, he has it on him pretty much almost always, and his big-ass fuck-off great sword that has been passed down through his family for generations, and that may or may not have been blessed by/contain the power of a God of Lightning. (regardless of if it does or doesn't, it sure does have lightning powers regardless. And also since there's not really a better place to put this, Jacian is completely immune to electricity. ...He's still scared of thunderstorms, though. Though he's mostly gotten over that fear at the point of development that this version of him is at. Mostly.) He also usually wields it with one hand, which is impressive because again. It is Stupidly Big, but also he's just that cool. I mean come on, look at the doodle of him holding it (in the wrong hand because, even though I made sure to position his rapier on his design in a way that would make sense for him to unsheathe it with his right hand (despite it definitely being easier to just draw it on the other side so that most of it would be covered) I somehow then immediately forgot that he was right handed while drawing the doodle. Just. Pretend he's kinda ambidextrous or something (he actually kinda is) idk I'm just kinda stupid sometimes). He's so cool.

Aside from his friendship/rivalry/enemies-to-lovers with Taiana, he has quite a good number of other close friends (nearly all of which have been better adapted to the setting than him, because yes, they are ALSO all from the former fire emblem fangame, and a majority of them form his Squad in that universe. However the modern versions of them are honestly the main/base ones, so that checks out tbh. for them at least.) The 'main' four are Merridith, Chiuji, Kaitso and Kyō, all of whom, drumroll please, will get their own posts at some point, and all of whom get along with each other to degrees varying from besties (Merridith + Chiuji/Kaitso + Kyō) to actively beefing (Merridith + Kyō, though it's really just Merridith). There's also Gabbrielli, who is childhood friends with both Jacian and Taiana, and also may or may not be a actual prince. Allegedly. He has his own shit going on, only some of which is related to the Jacian and Taiana shit.

Design wise, I was going for basically 'Older, cooler Jacian' and to me that meant coat draped over shoulders like a cape - which actually worked super well, because he usually has a red cape, and I usually make the inside of his jacket red. Other than that, it's kinda a mish-mash of elements from other Jacian designs that I thought worked + the same boots he always has, but the soles are white now wowee; and of course, his signature flower, white lilies. Which fit him both aesthetically AND symbolically :] Oh, and I forgot to mention this earlier, but he goes by the moniker of 'White Lily Knight' because of course he does.

There is almost certainly more, I could say probably, but. I think this is MORE than enough for now, lmao.

...And i get to write just as much if not more for Taiana next week. Fun :']

Anyways. Yeah that's about it, I like Jacian a lot, he's just a goofy guy who also manages to be charming and cool, despite being a total dweebus. Probably (definitely) in my top 10 OCs :]

[cjcroen1393]

Allow me to introduce you to one of the most self-indulgent concepts I have ever created!

So I found myself thinking "Y'know, I have these ship dynamics I love and yet, I don't think I've created an original pairing that invokes them quite enough" which in turn became "I don't think I've created something that has ALL the things I like blended into a single thing".

Because of this, I set out to create THE most self-indulgent pairing I could, which eventually morphed into this thing.

I created John first. I think I started with his hairstyle and the vague idea that he'd be a paleontologist on the autism spectrum, but what really made him fall into place for me was this little sentence that floated into my brain one day:

"He's a genius with fossils and an idiot with everything else."

And that brought the whole character together for me. I named him John, just because that name has been omnipresent in my life for years.

Then I needed to make his partner, and the first thing to pop into my head was a character I saw in my dreams once -- a kind of chubby guy in a hoodie, with emo bangs, a fondness for dinosaurs (especially raptors) and a strange hatred of shoes. I wasn't sure about this at first, but it felt right to have a character from my dreams be the boyfriend of this self-indulgent character I made. And yes, "Raptor" is his legal name. He chose it himself.

I made some alterations to his design -- when he first appeared in my dreams, his hood was always up and he had fluffier hair. I made his hair a little more jagged, put his hood down and gave him an ahoge, since his hair felt a little plain. I also made his hoodie drawstrings look like raptor claws, because fuck yeah!

Sushi, the pterosaur, was added later when I started thinking about the idea of giving these boys a plotline to focus on, and it ended up being raising a baby pterosaur that hatched out of an egg John brought home, initially thinking it was a fossil (and it definitely was when he brought it home, so the boys don't know what happened there). I haven't drawn a lot of her, but I plan to base her personality off of the cat my little sister adopted a while back -- that cat is one of the stupidest animals I've ever met and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible.

Also, I LOVED coming up with the punny title for this concept: "Pterodactyl" + "Dads" = "Pterodads"! Loved that!

I think I can do a lot with this concept. You guys may well be seeing more of these boys and their flying daughter soon ;)

Also, more Monster School stuff and more Pterosaur Rider stuff, and I also have plans to reboot at least one old concept I've had. This is, so far, the only new original thing I've made that has a "proper" title, which will from here on out be the dedicated tag for it!

[theforgottencrow]

Heyo! I randomly came across your blog some little while ago, and have only REALLY checked out your masterpost just now. When it came to things you've listed as things you enjoy, I actually was unaware most of those existed, as I'm pathetic at exploring the internet at times and randomly finding fandoms. SO, I do ask, if you could give a short basic idea on the fandom or hyperfixation or the type of genre of music the band or song belongs to and other songs or artists that may be a bit MORE popular for whatever reason and thereby more likely to be recognized by me or even just links to the songs so I can understand what it's like if it's hard to explain in words. If clarification is needed, I ask this so as to better understand a person on the internet and expand my sphere of media and perhaps obtain new hobbies or hyperfixations and thereby learn of the greatness something may be that I don't know of because of my lack of knowledge on the subject. This is also partially asked so what I can do is find a masterpost for a basic idea of these things, pin it on say, a secondary blog, and then suddenly spam my mutuals with related shit with then a link to it in case they want to learn more about this new fandom or sets of fandoms I've suddenly entered. Thank you for reading this long-as-a-Chinese-Dragon ask and for spending your time reading this.

I’m gonna be honest- my ass does NOT understand what your initially asking for- I struggle to understand questions I read if they’re longer even though I’ve re-read this over 10 times now 😭

I can’t tell if you’re asking me for a brief summary of what each fandom/fandom hyperfixation I’m in is abt/why? But- please clarify :”)))

I THINK i understand the music one you said though…so ima try and do a few of them?? Uhm srry if it’s wrong but-

1. Mindless Self Indulgence’s genre of music is Electropunk, Industrial Rock, and Digital Hardcore. They’ve made the songs Shut Me Up, Stupid MF, Sex for Homework, Get it Up, What do They Know, etc-

2. Cave Town’s genre of music is Alternative/Indie. They’ve made the songs Boys will be Bugs, Lemon Boy, Devil Town, This is Home, Juliet, etc- (I definitely recommend them if you don’t know them already, they’re a really good artist)

3. Derivakat’s genre of music is Dance/Electronic, Pop, and Indie Pop. They’ve made the songs Tool, REVIVED, Smile, Pomegranate Lips, Nightmare, Casino Royal, Cycle, etc-

4. Ryan Mack’s genre of music is Pop. They’ve created the songs I Should’ve Stayed Home, Overwhelmed, Forever and Ever and Always, Broke, Guess that’s Love, Sad Fuck, etc-

uh- that’s all I’m gonna do for now and srry if it wasn’t what you asked for- again really srry that I don’t understand but if you could maybe shorten it and make the question a tad more clear I could maybe answer it better 🥹

[horrorhot-line]

Hello!! I've been following you for years and I've always loved your work! I haven't been in my Saiki K phase for a loooong time, but I was interested in how you would continue the series. People shouldn't mind the editing of the stories. They are your works that you publish for free and I'm happy you found faith you feel comfortable in.

I would like to ask: will the new rewrite of the fic be sort of religious? Not in the sense of slow burn and not doing things before marriage, but the main character being religious and it being a recurrent theme in the story? I'm interested bc I consider myself agnostic and would not resonate with the character, but it's completely fine if that's what you have in mind!!

I'm sure the rewrite fic would be amazing! Your writing is incredible and I hold it very dearly bc it was one of the first works I've ever read in english when I was initially learning it. Pining and slow burns fics are actually more fun to me than smut will ever be so I'm sure in your hands will be a joy to read. Also, non-psychic saiki is a cool concept!

Regardless of your decision, I hope you know you are a great writer and should be fully supported in your choices regarding your work and personal beliefs! Hateful anons will sadly be a part of it, but every work has its audience and other people will find comfort in your words.

(I'm sorry if this is an awkward ask, I've never talked out of anon to anybody lol <3)

You came off anon to say all this? 😭 truly I’m touched, thank you so much this is so sweet, also your kind words mean the world thank you so much,

To answer your question of will the reader be religious? Absolutely not, I make it a habit to make the reader more relatable and to mention family of reader as little as possible because not every reader will have the same circumstances, and I feel it’s no longer an x reader but a self insert if I include too much detail about the reader (like mentioning hair, body type, and so on, or introducing ocs that are friends of readers or relatives and so on) so no religiousness here don’t worry, itll be very light editing and not much of the story will be changed just because I know a lot of people who’ve read my work like it as is, so for the most part I’ll just be getting rid of swear words, any dirty thoughts reader has and so on, and fixing grammar mistakes or adding more description where need be like explaining the setting or an expression on a character and stuff so I hope you’ll like it and if you enjoyed my story before then it’ll be the same amount of relatability if not more (I don’t think it’s fair just because I think a certain way and have different values that the reader has to think exactly like me, I might as well write a self indulgent insert at that point, that and it’ll pull whoever reads the story, out of the story if I go into too much detail about readers characteristics and so on I’ve read too many x readers that were just self inserts and I don’t think you guys should suffer through that 😭🤣)

I can’t believe my stories mean that much to you ;-;, you have no idea how happy it makes me that not only can I write but I can write well enough that people think back to my works, I am very very honoured thank you again 😭

I adore you, thank you so much for your support honestly 😭🩷🩷🩷

[musings-of-a-prodigal]

Haven't been on here in a hot minute but Season 2 of Good Omens is giving me FEELINGS (heavy spoilers and a brick of text to follow).

So ever since initially getting into Good Omens, Crowley has very much spoken to me. Falling from grace for reasons you didn't fully understand, the feeling of insufficiency, feeling betrayed by God, and all that. I first encountered Good Omens much fresher in my deconstruction, having only just left a highly Christian environment, and I was deeply bitter about the pain I had been caused. So, unsurprisingly, Crowley has generally been the character who has most resonated with me.

But then in the new season, we saw so much of Aziraphale's inner world. His cognitive dissonance and conflict over Job and Wee Morag, his obvious fear of stepping out of line even at the time of Creation. Job's story in particular stuck out to me; Aziraphale's conflict over the children and his risk of falling was very poignant, I think. And of course, we already saw a lot of this in Season 1-- the flood scene comes to mind, for starters. But I was very surprised at how much Aziraphale resonated with me this time around.

Perhaps it's the greater distance from the pain of my own deconstruction, or perhaps it's the empathy I've developed for my younger, indoctrinated self. For Aziraphale resonates with me not as I am now, but as I was back in my Christian days. Trying to see the best in everyone, but blinded by black-and-white morals that you're just beginning to see don't work in the real world. Mistrusting your own feelings because they don't align with what you've been taught. Terrified of stepping out of line, but slowly working up to acknowledging that someday you will have to in order to maintain your own integrity. It's a scary place to be, and I feel for him in that, but it is also leads to all sorts of bad decisions and pain for yourself and others.

All of which brings me to the part everyone's been talking about: the aforementioned bad decisions (aka the ending). I've seen lots of folks on the wider internet (I truly should delete tiktok at this point) not understanding why Aziraphale made the choice he did, even going so far as to claim that he must have been under some sinister outside influence.

Maybe it's just the religious trauma and projection talking, but to me it was instantly obvious why Aziraphale made the choice he did: he couldn't conceptualize that he had a choice at all. To Aziraphale, his one and only purpose is perfectly serving God. His own desires, feelings, and morals are only to be trusted insofar as they align with what he has been told God wants.

So of course, between a choice of following God/listening to his higher-ups and staying on Earth to indulge in his own "selfish" desires, to Aziraphale there is only one "correct" choice. What he wants has nothing to do with it- after all, as far as he's concerned, he has no right to want things. This isn't to justify what was obviously the wrong move (not to mention the pain caused to both Aziraphale and Crowley and all us viewers), but rather to say that it makes perfect sense for his character. And I'm very excited to see where Neil Gaiman takes this in the next season.