#most of what I say just goes into the void and... honestly... I don't think the void stares back... I think it's just me; empty; alone

[eyelessfaces]

My only Bob thought is that I need some Bob writers to look me in the eyes and say they understand that he is a grown man. He is a whole adult. Because the infantilization of him is absolutely insane work.

It's like they headcanon him as only experiencing a max of 3 basic life experiences. Or he is incapable of existing in life detached from the rest of the team. I'm not even talking about how taking care of yourself is significantly harder when you're depressed. I've read some fics where he's being babysat like a whole 10 year old.

Also, why is it impossible for him to meet/know people outside of the Watchtower? He's not Rapunzel. Why can't he have a partner in fics who is just Normal? I actually think that would be a reprieve for him to have some connection to Normal outside of the team. I get that initially, it may have been a game of watching him to ensure that Sentry (and in turn, the Void) didn't come out again, but after so many months the guy needs some fresh air. He needs to experience the New York subway. Let him meet people outside!

I kinda strayed from my original point but it still stands.

actually thank you for this because this is what I've been thinking but haven't had the guts to say because I feel like it's an endless battle to try and stop people from infantilizing mentally ill characters. I don't know if you're familiar with moon knight but they treated steven grant the same way and it kinda ruined the character for me, as sad as it is.

but to come back to bob specifically, I can only say I totally agree with you, because I've seen some people go "blah blah blah he can only hang outside the watchtower if yelena is with him" ?what the hell? this man went on a wholeass trip to malaysia alone to get more drugs. he's capable. he's not some child or some puppy who can't act on his own. that's kinda crazy. not to mention bob was literally a drug addict for years and I know from my friends experiences that it can put you in some crazy situations. he will be fine casually hanging out in new york

same thing for people saying he's shy?? he has anxiety and he's a bit awkward, okay. but he literally told john he was an asshole within a few hours of meeting him.

as for the part where you talk about him meeting people outside the watchtower, I definitely agree, but honestly I think most people write a thunderbolt self insert or make bob live within the group exclusively because it's just, for plot reasons, easier to be part of the whole landscape.

the very first fic I wrote for him barely mentioned all of this and explored outside of this as the insert was someone "outside", and now that I wrote some more, I can definitely tell you it IS easier to write him as a part of the group, so I will be defending that part, but I totally agree that he shouldn't be treated like some leashed dog that needs to be accompanied whenever he goes out because this is just ridiculous and barely makes sense

[alienpepper]

tadc ep 5 predictions

ok so the teaser trailer dropped 3 days ago, and i've already seen theories about what's gonna happen. most fans think that caine's ai is glitching out, which i do too. some think that there's gonna be some jax angst that goes down which makes sense considering how it's his episode(i think ragatha's gonna instigate it but that's beside the point)

what i see nobody focusing on is the voiceover of the video. honestly understandable considering how it sounds like one big shitpost, but it is saying snippets of what'll happen, so i took a closer look at it.

quote for analysis, "they go in the hole and throweth life savers down a tumor seal" (such a raw line bro)

ok so for those who don't know, a tumor seal is a procedure that blocks blood flow to a tumor to either starve it or directly give it medication. if you think about it in context of the digital circus, "tumor" could be referring to whatever's causing the ai to glitch. this means that the "tumor seal" is preventing the tumor from causing more damage by eradicating it. if the tumor is a character, that could possibly mean abstraction for the poor soul.

but who could be the tumor? my first thought is gangle for a couple of reasons

1.during the baseball scene for a split second we see who the gang is probably going up against, and it's their swap au ig, but gangle's doppleganger(dopperGANGLE if you will) straight up just isn't there.

this could be because gangle is causing too many glitches and trying to replicate her was too much for the system to handle

2. during the flash game video glitch posted, when you click on gangle, the screen starts buffering

sounds like clicking gangle causes a...glitch *gasps are heard around the room*

the tumor could also be zooble's as they caused caine to glitch out in ep 3, and there's a scene in the teaser where zooble is in a void with caine and bubble

maybe caine figured out that zooble's the ones who caused the whole mess, so they can help fix it.

moving on, whoever the tumor is, then they're gonna be the one to get abstracted, which probably won't sit well with the rest of the crew. what if "throwing life savers" was a goofy ahh way to say "tries to save a life," the life in question being the designated tumor person?

[lies-unfurl]

On Thunderbolts*

I honestly don't know how to rate this. I feel like if I was a casual fan, it would be a solid 8/10, but obviously I'm not that. It was a tight story that cohered well and had some strong character dynamics. It also had issues, particularly with regards to how it related to the larger MCU, that I have a lot of thoughts on.

What I liked:

Yelena. Just in general.

More specifically, the way Yelena's depression was portrayed resonated with me a lot, mostly in ways that I don't feel like discussing in a movie review on tumblr dot com.

I honestly don't know how anyone could watch this and come away thinking John did nothing wrong, lol. Props to Wyatt Russell for playing him so unlikable.

I generally enjoyed the character dynamics. The scene in the back of the truck where Yelena and Ava were making fun of John's guns worked really well.

Overall, besides literally the last minute before the credits, the story felt like it was put together well. The pacing worked and events flowed in a way that made sense.

I liked Val as a villain, though I wish we'd get more of her motivations.

The scenes inside the Void were really cool. The second one with Yelena and her younger self was one of my favorites in the whole movie.

I obviously want Bucky to survive Doomsday, but if he goes out, at least he's got a banging costume and hairstyle for it.

What I want to be a hater about:

I have mixed feelings on Bucky's role in this. I think it makes sense for him to be in a more stable place than the rest of the group. My overall issue is that we're given no info whatsoever on how he went from TFATWS to where he is now. With Yelena, I can easily see how her character moves from Hawkeye, where we saw her last, to now. Ava, idk, sure, it's not explained how she ended up working for Val, but I can see how Val would take advantage of someone who has her abilities and probably not a lot of other job prospects. But Bucky? There's just nothing to foreshadow him going into politics in TFATWS. If the end of TFATWS sets up anything, it's him and Sam working together in the future. So how did we get here? Like, I do genuinely think it's kind of funny that the MCU didn't even try to explain things, but it's also bad writing. And yeah, I do wish we'd gotten more of Bucky. idk. It's an ensemble film, but they could have inserted a Void sequence for him without fucking up the flow too bad. Also, he just looks so unhappy for most of the movie, and I want to know why! Just the circumstances? The fact that he really hates politics? SebStan not enjoying himself? idk.

The pacing worked; the timeline didn't. How the fuck did Alexei get from NYC to Utah overnight in that limo. (Bucky maybe flew himself and his motorcycle in, but Alexei obviously didn't.)

I don't like Alexei in general. I feel like the movie missed a chance to reckon with his responsibility for what the Widows went through by just treating him as either comic relief or a supportive father for Yelena.

It was also a little weird that no one mentioned Melina?

I'm ambivalent about Taskmaster's death. I'm not that mad about it, but part of me feels like it was done mainly to appease the fanboys angry about her not being Tony Masters.

Bob was fine? idk, I didn't feel too strongly about him one way or another. I see some people in the tags blorbofying him, which isn't surprising, but... I just keep thinking about how he was supposed to be played by Steven Yeun. And I know Sentry was white in the comics, but sorry, it's a little weird to me that they replaced an Asian-American actor with a white guy. Val's whole thing with dyeing his hair blond would've hit much differently.

We should've gotten a Sam mention before the post-credits scene. It makes no sense for Val to say there are no superheroes around when Sam has been Captain America for years at this point, and he's been working for the government! When you pair that line with the implications of the hair dye, with apparently no one remembering that there are existing heroes who work for the government, it's... telling. And that's something that could've been brought to the forefront more by just having someone remember that Sam Wilson is Captain America.

I already wrote my thoughts on the post-credit scene, and they haven't really changed upon seeing the movie. That said, I do feel like the ending undermines the movie somewhat by falling into the same old trap where every MCU movie is an advertisement for the next movie. It just like... doesn't work? for Yelena to have the "We own you" line, and then the end credits and the PCS all confirm that actually, no one respects the New Avengers, so like... what's the point of them working with/for Val. And this will probably get expanded on somewhat in Doomsday and/or Secret Wars, but the casts for those movies are so bloated, I'm not sure how much consideration that element will get.

So, yeah. I don't know. I think it was a good movie on a technical level, but as a (reluctant) MCU fan, I don't know how much I enjoyed it. I feel like I can't form a full opinion because it ultimately doesn't feel like a movie that stands on its own; it's going to depend on how upcoming movies contextualize it.

[rainee-da]

🍀 Your First "I Love You" [2]

CHARACTER ❥ Delisaster 🍾 / Domina Blowelive 💧 / Cell War 💎

W A R N I N G ⚠️ PG-13 fluff with hurt/comfort on some / BIG SPOILER!!!! / might be too OOC for you.

D E L I S A S T E R 🪞

He was simply lounging around, stuffing himself with booze (rip that liver) when you suddenly come into the room.

At first, he didn't pay any mind to it. He gave you one of his toothy smiles as he leaned back on the chair lazily, waving a bottle of booze to your face, saying "Eyy sup', want some?"

When you finally say the magic word, he suddenly goes blank.

Not like a 'mind-blank' type of blank, but his face suddenly goes blank. All the shine in his eyes, his smiles, vanish into the void.

Honestly, this will make you feel afraid. Did you anger him? Did he not feel the same?

He suddenly picked up his phone and made a call to someone with a low whispering tone, too low for you to hear anything, and walked away. Leaving you alone with your thoughts.

But before you could think of any worst-case scenarios, a bunch of his goons suddenly barge into the room bringing... party popper???

Delisaster finally comes back being brought in by his goons... on a sedan chair???

At least, you're now relieved because he's now giving you a wide smile. A bit too wide. Scrap that- now you're creeped out.

Before you could ask about what the hell was going on, all of his goons popped the party popper, and a bunch of pink-shaded confetti flew across the room. Good luck seeing anything at all.

As soon as you're able to scrap off any of the confetti that is stuck on your face, you've now realized that the confetti is shaped into a heart. Kinda cute tbh.

And out of nowhere, he's already in front of you. Smiling wide, hugging you tight, laughing maniacally.

"YAHOOOOOOOO YOU SAID THE MAGIC WOOOO-" rip your ears.

All of the goons that surround you are now crying for some damn reason, passing a box of tissues around. Is this a wedding? a funeral??

Finally calming down, Delisaster finally leans back to take a look at your face. Now you can see that his smile is so gentle and he's looking at you oh so fondly.

He's caressing your face as if you're made of glass, and this is the most gentle and affectionate you've ever seen him. Usually, he's a menace to society

"I know I never really made you feel easy around me, especially with my reputation and all... not even my brothers can stand me... I don't even know if I deserve you," his voice breaks slightly as he leans closer your ear, "But you made me the happiest man, and I can never thank you enough for that... I love you too, baby."

... That would be so romantic if only the goons around you aren't screaming an ugly-ass cry, with the sound of snots being sniffed as ambience.

D O M I N A B L O W E L I V E 💧

He chokes on his apple juice, almost snorting liquid through his nose when you suddenly come up to him and say those.

"W-what do you mean??" he stammers with his face now as vibrant as his hair, eyes shaky as they darted around to avoid your gaze. "Do... do you even understand what you're saying? how serious that word is??"

Man is so melodramatic, but you can't blame him. All his life he believes that any form of endearment given to someone means that there is any ulterior motives behind it and things such as 'pure love' is just a thing from a fantasy book.

You are fully aware of his upbringing, so you wouldn't be surprised if he didn't believe you right away.

What you didn't expect though is for him to go into full-teacher mode and info-dumping you about the definition of love.

He deadass mansplaining 'Love' to you by citing sources from dictionaries, biology, and psychology studies.

He's so academically smart and his brain is like a walking dictionary but he's misusing it in such a weird way.

After he's done with his rant explanation that who knows how long it is, he'll avert his gaze from yours. He's panting slightly as he broke in with his question, "Now that you understand, next time don't say those words so easily to someone," he huffed slightly and crossed his arms, "It's not like I've ever done anything to you that warrants something such as that, you know."

Okay, now that understandably pissed you off. So it's now your turn to go on full-tangent on why you love him, what you love about him, how you didn't need him to do anything for you to love him, and about how his view of love is full of shit.

And now it's his turn to be bewildered. Your outburst has effectively overwhelming his heart with warmness that he never felt before in his life.

By the time you're done his face that is previously tinted pink now goes scarlet red. His mouth is agape and shaking slightly like a fish in the open air, and all of the retort he intended to throw is stuck in his throat.

Domina_Blowelive.exe stopped working lol.

"Whatever! You're stupid anyway," is the only counter he could throw back at you, and Gods he hate how weak that ended up coming out from his mouth.

Before you could say anything back to him he already turned his back and stomped away from you, huffing and mumbling profanities.

He's so embarassed that he didn't pay any attention to his path and ended up turning left a bit too early, and slamming his head onto the wall.

If Levis and the gang are around to see that, they'll not be alive for long lol.

You're the only one who could make the top students of the prestigious magic school Walkis Academy turn into a cuckoo mess. Congratulations!

It will take you a while for him to finally believe and accept your feelings. Even so, you didn't need him to say anything to know that he feels the same way.

His journey to recovery is still long ahead, he needs more time to unpack those childhood trauma that led him to become the person that he was. But I swear it will be worth it.

Please be patient with him ♥

C E L L W A R 💎

"What do you want now?" he said as he stared at you with an exhausted look on his face, checking you out to figure out your intention based on body language alone.

Because that's the only reason for his whole existence in this world, right? to give and to serve?

You repeated your confession, and now he stares at you dumbfounded. He narrowed his eyes and exhaled in frustration as he ruffled your hair slightly.

"Don't say such a useless thing next time. It's a burden."

Yeouwch that comes out wrong doesn't it?

Even though what he means by that is that it is useless for YOU to love HIM, and it will only burden YOU to love HIM.

But what do you expect? he survives his whole life in the attendance of Innocent Zero's deranged family by belittling himself down, doing all the nuisance and humiliating tasks to stroke Innocent Zero's children's ego. what a bunch of manchild.

Being negative and blunt comes as a second nature to him.

But then again, now you're hurt. What makes it worse is that before you can ask him to clarify what he means he's already out of sight, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

He realizes that you seem like you're about to cry before he goes, and he can feel his heart ache to see you making that expression. Then again, what he said is not exactly wrong, right?

He's only realized what he did when Delisaster waltzing to him out of nowhere, whistling towards him and teasing him about "being so cold to your booboo."

He can feel his soul draining out of his body as he listens to Delisaster's explanation that is filled with a bunch of degrading mockery because let me remind you again he's a menace.

Delisaster finally saunters off somewhere else. Cell takes this short amount of time to his advantage and goes hell-bent on finding you.

The maid and butler that come past him are confused because they never see Cell that mortified.

Upon finding you, he wastes no time and lunges towards you on instinct, effectively tackling you to the ground as if he's a bounty hunter. But he made sure to hug your head before it slammed to the ground, burying it in his chest.

His mind goes blank at the sudden closeness and now he has no games. Honestly, he didn't know what to say either even if his mind did not go blank. Man really had no games.

But he still tries his best, like he always does. He leans back slightly while still pining you down, staring at you with eyes wavering, a mixture of anxiousness and affection.

"I... just realized I worded it wrongly before..." he stated hesitantly as a start as he proceeded to explain his thought process, "Honestly, I don't know if I should even be indulging in these feelings... I have my master to serve, and I'm afraid you will get hurt if he finds out."

His mouth clumsily formed into a thin smile, his hand reaches towards your hair, twirling it on his finger and taking a mental note of how soft it was, "But, to answer yours... I feel the same, and always has been."

The smile that grows on your face makes his world stop for a moment. Stunning him into silence as he stares into your eyes that is full of life and affection. His mind then wanders, imagining things that a tool like him should have no right to dream of.

'Wouldn't it be so nice... if I could live a normal life with you?'

This is the continuation of this headcanon! I initially intended for this to be included in the previous post but alas; I hit a roadblock lolol-

I've been thinking back and forth between adding Cell War or not. But I didn't care what anyone say; Cell War is part of the family too! I want to make hcs this angsty boi so much

I'll be ending this prompt right here and move on to the next one I had in mind (I'm currently in Mash's brother hyper-fixation phases and will be writing tons of them in the future lol). If you want me to write for other character feel free to request one as long as the ask is open!

Thank you for reading!🍀

[starmaniamania]

just wondering, what's your honest opinion on the Starmania fandom ?

[This got long and I apologize, but also I'm not going to cut for once, because the main points are really at the end!]

Hi!

I've been thinking about this one, I think it arrived just before the last weekend of shows and I didn't really know how to answer it.

Firstly because I don't know how to define "fandom" here, as "Starmania fandom" seems so big and also so small at the same time.

There's thousands of people in France who'd probably define themselves as fans of Starmania, and I've met some of them in concert venues and my opinion of them is often not amazing 🤣 (Lots of people who are rude, impatient, entitled, who missed or forgot the message of the show and complain it is "too woke now," who try to treat the show as their personal nostalgic karaoke, who don't care about the artists on stage and only want to compare them to their 70s albums...) But to be fair it's probably true of most large groups of people who attend a show, and not specific to Starmania at all. I'm also annoyed at the people who believe that 1978 is SACRED and "No one will ever sing the SOS better than Balavoine or Monopolis better than France Gall" (who didn't even sing that w- that's a hot take for a DIFFERENT TIME🤣)

And need I mention the Mogador fanatics? 😅

But simultaneously, Starmania fandom as I've usually defined "fandom" (i.e., a community of fans who want to create, appreciate and discuss fanworks, whether that is meta, art, fic...) is TIIIINY. But it is a bunch of incredibly creative, talented, smart, funny people who I love a whole lot!

Honestly, my biggest "hot take" about Starmania fandom in the Tumblr/fanworks sense is the reason I've been going back and forth on how to answer this, because I don't want it to be taken the wrong way, but here goes... The truth is that I'm a little scared.

I see a lot of posts on wider Tumblr about how nowadays people move on from fandoms the second they end (usually talking about movies or tv shows.) The last episodes air, and a few weeks later the fandom suddenly dies because the critical mass of participants lose interest/find another new shiny object to focus on. This is usually paired with a comparison to "the olden days" when fandoms could survive for years after their canon was over, because enough fans kept producing enough new fanworks and having enough discussions to keep the thing alive even if a small-medium proportion of fans moved on.

And I worry that there's not enough of us to be able to do that, because we don't really have critical mass. For me personally, I worry that too many people are going to move on much sooner than I'm ready to let go (because I'm definitely not going anywhere for a while!), and that I'll go back to posting into the void.

I posted recently that this blog had reached its 100th follower but I consider a "hit" post to be around or over 8 notes. I think on AO3, we have 7 people who write semi-regularly, and the fics with the most kudos have 10. Those are starvation numbers in basically any other fandom, and they're our MOST POPULAR ones!! And it's not like we have, you know, that one author who just writes all day as a hobby and churns out 30k fics every other week, where everyone can just sit back and feel confident that new stuff is going to be coming no matter what.

(And that's why sometimes if I notice people discussing a fic in private, I'm like... I hope everyone involved in that discussion has let the author know they read the fic, because that could basically double the amount of feedback it got 😅😅)

So, yeah, basically, I just really hope that we collectively manage to support ourselves enough that it keeps feeling like a community, that it keeps living and maybe even growing. And that means everyone doing their share, me included, I'm definitely not saying I'm perfect here :p

And I know we all have busy lives and other things to do and fandom is a fun hobby and not a chore or homework. I'm not saying everyone needs to start making fanart (god knows I can't) or writing fic or posting essays or whatever, but let's make sure we interact with each other, with our fanworks, with discussion posts. Let's reply to each other!

And again, speaking personally (I hope this doesn't make it seem like I'm just using this post to whine haha) let's make sure to reblog, not just like posts. (FYI, it always takes me a little while to get to the posts I see, usually because I don't want to spam so I put things in the queue rather than rebloging them on sight, but they're going to come out eventually! Also feel free to send me things you think I missed!)

I'm not going to go into a(nother) rant about how "there is no algorithm on Tumblr" but you might not realize that every time someone reblogs one of the posts, I then see new usernames liking them! You guys have such an impact on spreading the Starmania lore/love -- I know I've gone into so many fandoms because I kept seeing a mutual post about them, and I would scroll past for weeks until one image hit me and I then *needed* to know where it was from, and sometimes that's how I found new fandoms!

So, yeah, I hope we can collectively bring in a few new people, and keep ourselves interested and happy for long enough that maybe we even bridge the "pause" and start getting new content again!!

So that's my answer. Congrats if you made it to the end, and tl;dr ILU ALL DON'T LEAVE OKAY? 😭

[nikeiyomiurioverthinker]

Nikei Yomiuri has BPD: the masterpost

So I've been formally requested to make a post on why I believe Nikei has BPD- so strap in, folks, this is gonna be a long one.

I want to preface this with, I am in no way a mental health expert, I am in no way qualified to actually diagnose anyone with anything, but I am a weirdo who likes to read the DSM-5 for kicks who also happens to think about Nikei Yomiuri a lot. Everything I say needs to be taken with a grain of salt, yadda yadda yadda, you know how that all goes.

TW for discussions of sui, CSA and SH. I am not planning to discuss any of these topics in depth (except for the first one, due to just. Nikei being Nikei), but if the topics distress you in any way, I would advise simply not reading this. Look after yourself.

So, firstly, I would like to discuss how BPD develops. Though there are many possible causes, such as genetics, affecting the on-set of BPD symptoms, one of the most common causes is childhood abuse, especially CSA. We currently do not yet know Nikei's backstory and how he was 'saved' by Utsuro, but it is commonly believed that it had to do with CSA. It both explains some of his behaviors- the weird hypersexual tendencies and his extremely negative reaction to being touched by Mikado from behind, for example- and 'fits', so to speak, Void's tendency in everyone there suffering some sort of child abuse. This is mostly to explain how Nikei fits the common parameters of someone in whom BPD could develop.

Now, as for the diagnostic criteria: the DSM-5 dictates there are 9 major symptoms of BPD, and in order to qualify, the patient needs to fulfill at least 5.

Before I go over which of the symptoms he fulfills, I want to start with stating that Nikei is a particularly hard character to get a read on, mostly due to him faking his personality for the greatest majority of the game, and though I do not believe everything about him that we see is 100% fake at all times, it would be presumptuous of me to discern what I personally believe to be real or not. Therefore, I will keep myself limited to:

His actions throughout the game (plus the ones he made from behind the scenes and also what he did before the actual happenings of the game)

Nikei's bouts of anger (which he is shown to be physically unable to control)

Chapter 6's Void Theatre (since Linuj has stated that Nikei was being truthful in it and was thus is 'real self')

Talking about his anger… symptom number 1, "Inappropriate, intense anger that can be difficult to control" and symptom number 2, "Rapidly shifting intense emotional dysregulation". I don't think I need to go too in-depth when talking about how he fits these symptoms. If you have played the game, you know Nikei is shown to turn easily aggressive in ways he seems unable to control. I think the scene that highlights that the most is the one in chapter 4 while everyone is in Nikei's room- right after Mikado leaves. Nikei is unable to calm himself down, and has to cut short the meeting due to his inability to regulate his emotions properly. Honestly, Nikei in the fourth trial could also be used as an example for this.

Symptom number 3, "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment". The man's gut reaction to Emma, Hajime and Iroha 'leaving' him was to come up with a plan to fuck over the man who took them away from him. It's actually a little hard to express myself in-depth on these first points, because I feel as though it would just be me repeating the game's plot points or just. Describing his character, rather than adding anything new to the discussion… of course, it's also pretty obvious that Nikei has extremely unstable relationships (again, Void), so he fits the fourth symptom as well, "Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships, often characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, also known as "splitting" ". He doesn't necessarily 'split' on anyone in game, unless you count the fact that he can go from developing a crush on Sora to hating her guts in chapter 4, though in that case, his sudden hatred is more than understandable, considering the context- but I have to stress, it is almost impossible for us to know how Nikei feels about people in general, since most of his relationships are technically developed off-camera. As I am talking about Nikei's relationships, I feel like it would be a disservice to this 'theory' to not bring up this specific answer to a question that Linuj himself gave:

Nikei is not healthy with his interpersonal relationships. While this comment is strictly about romantic relationships, it is not a stretch to say that he gets obsessive about others in general- ergo, his relationships are unstable by definition.

Our fifth symptom is "Markedly disturbed sense of identity and distorted self-image"- one of his most obvious characteristics as a person is his inferiority complex, which feeds into his desire for power. To this, we can also add his struggle with his own self-worth. We don't know why exactly Nikei idolizes his hand as of yet, but it doesn't take an expert to realize that no matter the reason, his obsession with it doesn't exactly give us the impression his self-image is in any way stable.

Theoretically, I could stop here, since to be diagnosed you only need to fulfill 5 symptoms, but I am an overachiever to a fault so I'm gonna go on.

Symptom number 6, "Impulsive or reckless behaviors (e.g., uncontrollable spending, unsafe sex, substance use disorders, reckless driving, binge eating)". Now this might be weird to some of you, since Nikei doesn't really show any of these behaviors in game (again, not counting personal headcanons for this, so even if I do believe Nikei is definitely a reckless driver, I can't exactly say that counts since it is 100% based on vibes) but these are all just examples of reckless behaviors- Nikei has just significantly more personalized ones. Like, say, participating in a killing game of his own free will, or using an actual stun gun on himself rather than just pretending to be unconscious, or randomly changing key details of the plan he made supposedly months prior on the fly (ie adding Teruya to the mix when his spot was originally supposed to be taken by Syobai). Assuming Nikei has BPD actually makes chapter 4 make more sense.

"Recurrent suicidal ideation or self harm"- this is the last symptom I am going to talk about, and the primary reason for the TW at the start. This is probably gonna be somewhat headcanon-y, and if anyone wants to disregard that as such I cannot exactly fault them for it, but hear me out: Nikei's plan counts as a suicide plan. Nikei is not an idiot- he would have known that, no matter how it ended up going, if he failed or not, Nikei was gonna die either way- if his plan worked and Yuki was executed, Mikado would have retaliated and killed him in revenge; if his plan worked and Yuki got away with it, he would have died in the mass execution; and if, how it happened in canon, he failed he would have been killed, too (Mikado may have said that he would have forgiven Nikei if he returned back to Void, but let's be real here- that was a bold faced lie. He was just gloating). This plan would have ended up with him dead no matter what, and he was okay with it- which I don't need to tell you, is not exactly something someone who has never considered suicide before would do.

(Also random thought that I probably wouldn't be able to fit in another post- Nikei's execution itself is fairly odd, in the sense that he was ultimately the one who killed himself. He was the one that ran up the stairs, he was the one that jumped off the building, he was the one that failed to catch the ladder- hell, jumping off a building is a pretty common suicide method. His death is unique in the sense that he brought it all to himself- he was the only executee that wasn't tied down in any way, all his actions were truly his choice. He didn't need to run away from the Monocrows, but he did. He didn't need to go up the stairs instead of down, but he did. He didn't need to jump, but he did.)

The last two symptoms are:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Transient, stress-related paranoid or severe dissociative symptoms

Which I don't think I can apply to Nikei in good conscience, since it's pretty hard to discern how that man is feeling at all times (other than, well, when he is raging). That would wound up being wayyy too headcanon-y for even me to excuse. Like, do I believe he is depressed? Absolutely. Do I believe he has PTSD? Certainly, but I can't point to any exact action he takes in game and point to it to say that he is 100% depressed. It's mostly just vibes. And again, I don't really need to? I have already given ample evidence as to why I believe Nikei has BPD, even without these last two symptoms.

(I mean, I COULD prove that Nikei has PTSD- if we consider his more than likely sexual trauma and his reaction to him being grabbed by Mikado specifically, someone who he considers to be a threat- that certainly feels like PTSD to me. Even without that, I genuinely doubt anyone that lived through the Tragedy DOESN'T have PTSD. Anyway I am losing track of the post here-)

I don't exactly know how to end this, but yeah! That's about it. Nikei has BPD, thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[degloved]

call it coffinshipper delusion I DON'T CARE but the amount of love that can fit into mark hoffman genuinely drives me Fucking Insane. maybe that's not the right way of putting it—call it the potential for love, maybe, or the unrealized capacity for love. you get the picture.

not to say he's able to divvy it up—in fact, a major part of his character is that he... really can't. it's always only reserved for one person, the most obvious example of this being angelina. and he's lost without the ability to beam it into somebody, to let it out of himself like the proverbial burden off his shoulders. having lost angelina, he's so desperately seeking out somebody else to direct it at. rigg, strahm.

except the thing about my boy mark is that he's about as subtle as a brick & like the most tactless man alive at any given moment. for all that he's capable of experiencing eartshattering amounts of love and the even more devastating need to Be Loved and Be Understood, the way he goes about trying to deliver it isn't the most normal. it's actually pretty unhinged. it actively pushes his targets away, obviously. and that's just the tragedy of it, i think. he's desperately clawing at any opportunity to escape this oppressive loneliness that he Can't Handle & that eats away at him on the inside, but he's always just a little out of reach. he always goes about it just a little wrong (or. a lot wrong)—and it just makes me. it makes me feel CRAZY i feel so crazy right now mark please mark just. relax babe just take a deep breath and ask him out on a date instead of putting him through a series of elaborate tests that will either kill him or make him hate you. PLEASE mark what happened to a dinner & a movie

and with peter it's like. i've said this already once. bro does not think love is in the cards for him. there is something Deeply Wrong With Him & he figures it just makes love surpass him. it's not even the gay thing like it's nottt an internalized homophobia thing at all. he's literally just so. yeah. bro thinks he was made wrong (<- op isn't projecting here at all btw) & he's ok with that. when hoffman shows up & The Obsession sprouts from bad soil, peter doesn't even See it's love. and maybe it's not, honestly, but it could be. it Could Be. the suggestion of love is there. he's just. he is so blinded by his own deep-rooted beliefs of his own Wrongness that he doesn't even see it. it's right there but he doesn't see it. he doesn't only Not See it, he misinterprets it as hate. hate and love being two sides of the same coin i suppose. because it can't be love—and there's the kicker, i guess; it can't be love, not because It's Mark Hoffman, it can't be love because it's PETER!! hoffman reeks of could-be love wherever he goes, peter is the one void of it (or so he thinks.) cups peter's face and presses our forehead together. babe it's ok. it's ok. you love with claws and teeth etc it's ok. there is Something Deeply Wrong with you that is also Deeply Wrong with mark hoffman

[unrooms]

...Chat doesn't like the mind-changing idea. That's fair; you don't like it a lot either. Especially because you can tell Ella really doesn't want to do it. And chat has ideas- wow, a lot of ideas- but they basically depend on what the two of you want to do. What your goal is.

...The thought has crossed your mind, between everything. Do you even want to go home? Does Ella? But you haven't gotten around to talking about it. Maybe because you're kind of afraid of the answers. If you go back to Earth, will it be possible to keep this body? Even if you could, there'd be problems, for sure. You... really don't want to be human again. You didn't realize how suffocating it was until you were able to escape it. You feel so much freer- safer- more confident like this. Happier. ...But not as much happier as Ella makes you. You'd choose to stay with her, you just... don't want to have to make the choice between this body and her. Maybe you don't have to? But, unlike you, Ella has people she's close to- family- back on Earth...

...You should really just talk to her. You know that. So you shake your head, steel yourself, and ask her.

"So... are we, I mean. Are we trying to go back to Earth?" She winces slightly, like maybe she hasn't been looking forward to this conversation either, and your heart sinks. You pad over and sit in her lap. She laughs a little as you awkwardly make yourself comfortable; you haven't had enough practice cuddling in this form. (You'd like to have more practice.)

"...Well... I can't just not see my mom and my sisters and brother again, you know? Or Evan or Miles..." She says quietly.

"I know..."

"But," she says, surprising you, "I don't know if- I mean, this world is so... we have so much more power here. And I don't wanna make you give this up..." She gestures at your whole body, then lets her hands fall into your fur. "I know we had plans for our future on Earth, but maybe it'd be better here? I- I don't know. If we could- make sure we could go back and forth, would you want to stay here- most of the time? Make a life here?"

You lift your head to look at her seriously. "I- I, yeah, I would, but- would you? Really?" You nudge your snout under her jaw. "I don't want to stay if you'd be happier on Earth."

She actually laughs, though, and puts her arms around you. "No, no- honestly, I think I'd rather stay here. Mostly. You know. I think there's things I still want to do on Earth, and I definitely want to see my family and friends again, but... yeah."

"So... so we want the same thing."

"Seems like." She smiles at you and you let out a relieved sigh.

"...I was worried we'd- I mean. I don't want to split up, not ever, but I'd hate to have to be human again-- -is that- okay?" You suddenly feel a wave of anxiety and shame. You're not normal, you never have been, and you know she likes that about you, but even so, is this too much? She's taken it in stride, but maybe--

But she just ruffles your fur playfully. "Of course it is. Like I said, I love you for you. And this is you. So I love it."

You grin helplessly and duck your head. You're so, so lucky to have her.

"...How would we go back and forth, though?"

"Easy. If we can get the void to go back at all, then someone here- the flesh, probably- can always summon us back. If we get enough to connect a phone here to Earth, too, then we can go back whenever we want. Otherwise- set a schedule, probably, so it summons us back at a certain time."

"That... makes a lot of sense. Okay. Yeah."

The flesh speaks up; "I'd certainly be happy to help you with that. Perhaps, even- you could find my friend Tyler, as well? If possible- well, I would love to see them again." It goes quiet at the end.

"Well... there are a lot of Tylers on Earth, so I don't know if it would even be possible, but, I'd certainly be happy to try." You nod in agreement and the flesh smiles a slightly dimmer smile than its usual one.

"Thank you. I'm still not certain where you can find enough void for it, though..."

"Well-" you say, "-There is one place, maybe. That we know of, I mean. Two if you count the grand knowledge-seeker, but I don't know why it'd give us any void- but you said that your parent summoned Tyler, and sent them back, so we know it can do that-- maybe if we talk to it, we can figure something out..? Chat has some thoughts about that."

"...Hm. I don't suspect it would give up its void, but it might agree to transport you, if you played its game? Still, it wouldn't be ideal for consistent transportation..."

"Might be worth trying, though," Ella says. "Tell me what chat's got."

"Mm, it's a lot." You reach out to connect instead, and she accepts it easily. You offer up the bundle of ideas from chat- you don't usually get so much at once, or anything so complicated, but it's still clear. Just, a lot to sort through, relatively. You're kind of surprised they can send so much information.

"-That is a lot," Ella says aloud for the flesh's benefit. "Uh..."

Just go transfer it to it directly, you think to her. It'll be easier than trying to use words.

So she does. You still don't really want to do telepathy with anyone other than Ella, but it's useful for figuring out your plans, so you settle on a system where Ella switches back and forth between the two of you to deliver thoughts. You're aware the flesh is still getting more of your thoughts than you might like this way, but it still feels better. You don't mind it too much.

The three of you think through all the ideas chat sent you and carefully piece together a plan. It involves you and Ella splitting up for a bit, which you don't like, but you'll still be able to talk over the phone.

"...Do you think this'll really work?"

"I think so. It's a good plan." Ella says. The flesh nods in agreement. "-But, you know- even if it doesn't, we'll find our way back to each other." She puts her hand in your fur.

"Okay. ...Yeah." She's right. You trust her, and you trust yourself. Even if it doesn't go to plan, you can handle it. "Let's not wait any longer, then."

You set off in opposite directions; Ella in the wagon heading toward where the stone-spiked helper left towards, and you and the flesh running back toward the walls, the floors, the ceilings, and everything within them. (Running is good. You're fast now.)

As you get closer to it, you start to realize just how big it is. The generally cubic structure you could make out at a distance reveals itself to be rooms- at least, room-height- and that means that it's at least like 6 stories tall. And it's wider than any building you've ever seen, taking up a vast stretch of the landscape. It's all the same blackish, shimmery material, kind of like obsidian. At least on the outside.

Just as you get close enough to make out the shape of a door in the black wall, the flesh stops you.

"-No nearer than this. Otherwise, it can trap you."

You come to a halt next to it. "Really?" You're still a good distance away.

"It could still trap you from here- but it will be slow enough to evade, at this distance."

"Oh. ...Can it hear us, from here?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well, alright..."

You take a deep breath. You didn't really think about how to start this conversation. Also, its name is long and hard to remember. And weird to start a sentence with.

"...The walls, the floors, the ceilings, and everything within them... hello. I'm Ro. I know you want me and Ella to come do your puzzles- and, we have something we'd like. So, I want to ask if you'll give us a specific prize. -That being, transportation between here and our home on Earth. That's to and from Earth. We want to be able to go both ways. Is that- something you'd be willing to do?"

There's a pause, and you wonder if it's going to answer at all. You did get the sense from the flesh that its parent isn't very... conversational, or the type to make deals. But after a moment, huge words fade into existence on the walls before you, in a stark white material you'd call marble, if you were sure it was something you'd seen before.

"THE GATE CAN BE OPENED WITH THE FRUITS OF FOUR TRIALS |

FROM YOUR HOME, A CALL TO RETURN TO THESE HALLS SHALL BE ANSWERED"

After a moment to translate the cryptic wording, you grin. "I guess that's a yes. Alright. Thank you. We'll... be back."

That's not necessarily true. You'll try to find a source of void first, to avoid potentially being stuck, but you don't see any reason to tell it that.

The words dissolve back into black, and you move a good distance away (still in its shadow, though) and check your phone.

One thing you figured out while planning is that you can use void to block someone from seeing certain information in your mind while you're connected- if you're careful and precise. You can't make up false information to show them- well, you can, but it's... flat and easy to tell that it was faked. So, the plan was for Ella to hide the knowledge of the internet that you suspected would let you 'find' it until she had confirmed that the grand knowledge-seeker intended to keep its word on an agreement. And the best way to confirm that would be through direct mental connection. Ella promises to help it gain the internet's knowledge, it promises to leave you and the rest of humanity be, they show each other that they're being honest, and the deal can be struck. That was the idea, anyway. It might not agree at all.

You agreed to call each other if anything went wrong, assuming you could, so you know she's probably fine. But you're still worried. You can't help it. You don't expect a text either, but you have to check. There isn't one. You type a quick text letting her know that your side of the mission worked out.

"No news from Ella yet," you inform the flesh with a sigh.

"Back to the meeting point, then." Which is what you planned, so you just nod and start running.

It's maybe a ten-minute run. After around seven minutes, you hear the distinctive sound of your phone dinging, and quickly slow to a stop. The flesh stops next to you.

"What is it?"

"Ella sent a text... lemme see."

Anxiously, you open the text.

it agreed!!! were in business!!! ive helped it set up a phone. part of the deal was i also told it how i hid stuff in the telepathy but hopefully thats fine? it really wanted to know :/

You let out a breath and read it to the flesh.

"Excellent!" it says, and you don't know why, but hearing it use that specific word surprises you, "You both succeeded, then."

"Yeah, I- I guess so."

You send Ella back a quick text congratulating her, and telling her you'll be at the meeting point soon. Only a few minutes after you get there, the wagon appears on the horizon, and you run over to it before it arrives, unable to wait.

"Hi!" Ella laughs as she climbs out to meet you. "Good job! That's a couple problems off the list, anyway. Big problems."

"Yeah." You can't help but grin back. "So... now we've got some freedom to look for void of our own, huh?"

"Yup... where do we start?"

"Well," the flesh interjects, "if you like, I'm sure you would be welcome in my group. We help keep each other safe, and we share information, so perhaps we can help you find a clue on where to find void? Of course, that's only if you wish."

"Huh..." Ella looks to you.

"Um, that sounds like it would be a good idea. If you also want to?" Ella nods.

"Yeah, we can always change our minds, right?"

"Of course."

"I guess it's decided then. Thanks, flesh."

Ella stares out at the horizon, and you sit next to her.

"I'm feeling good about the future," she says decisively, and you can't help but laugh quietly at her matter-of-fact tone. "What about you?"

"...Yeah. Me too. We've got each other, after all. And we've got a handle on this world, I think."

"Yeah." She grins back at the landscape which is starting not to feel so strange anymore and pets you absently.

---UNKNOWN ERROR: CONNECTION TERMINATED---

---ATTEMPTING RESTART---

---RECONNECTION FAILED---

[sage-lights]

This is so random, but hearing Shayne talk about Sword AF in the Smosh After Dark Q&A gave me a sense of closure. I'd already accepted that they weren't gonna do a season 3, but to hear him sort of confirm what I was thinking happened (that it was a lot work and time and too little return on investment, despite the fact that they loved doing it), I feel ready to leave the charred remains of my beloved piece of media buried in the ground.

I think BAF Legacy was able to have a proper send-off because the story was already written by somebody else and it had a definite ending with an already expected finite number of episodes, whereas Sword AF didn't really have an end in sight so the series fizzling out was sort of inevitable. I'm sad about it, but at the end of the day, I still get to see Shayne, Chanse, Damien, Amanda, and Angela work together and as fans we get to experience how BAF Legacy and Sword AF shifted all 5 of their relationships to one another to a cozier, sweeter space y'know? (I'm thinking specifically of Shayne and Angela becoming one of my favorite duos ever through Sword AF)

Like, BAF Legacy is where I first saw that Amanda and Shayne really clicked and it's what made me so excited when I saw that they were hosting Smosh Mouth together! To this day, the 5 of them- all together, give or take other cast members- is my personal favorite lineup. I loved the series so much so I WANT there to be something more dramatic and final (?) to its end than it just not being a sustainable series to produce, but sometimes that's all there is.

I am not ready to watch Smosh vs. Zombies yet, but I've seen what people say online, and I already know that Amanda and Courtney have a queer-coded codependent friendship thing going on and I will absolutely eat it up I love Courtmanda and I ADORE wlw pining. COURTMANDA WLW PINING? I won!! Sorry that was such a long message!!!! TLDR: I loved Sword AF but it's gone and that's okay. I ship courtmanda.

hi anon! thank you for coming to my inbox and chatting 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ (under the cut are my thoughts because it gets LONG)

i said a lot of my own thoughts in the tags of this reblog, but i think that beyond saf taking a lot of effort without a lot of return, i don't think enough people were really batting for it. i know amanda's talked about loving it, angela and chanse play dnd in their own time, shayne always wanted to get into dnd, and damien is obviously the one with the most passion as the dm. but when push comes to shove, i think the cast rather put their time into things like bit city because it's closer to that kind of true improv that they love.

characters i think also contributed to the longevity of shows. baf legacy let them change character every episode, but saf leaves them "stuck" in the same character for seasons on end. reoccurring characters at smosh are never as serious as the saf characters and maybe the cast just didn't vibe with it as much?

you should def give smosh vs zombies a watch when you come around to it. though i love long ttrpg series, it seems like a good middle ground between fans of ttrpg and what smosh likes to do. and yes, the courtmanda/gracevannah goes HARD!!! i adore them!!!!

if you poke around my blog, you see i started to post a lot about d20 and dropout recently. that's honestly just me filling the void that saf left behind and it's working! hoping that one day a smosh cast member will end up in the dome! that would make my little ttrpg heart soooooo happy!

[cursedthing]

I would like you to answer every single question about Ferry please. (I tried copy pasting all the questions here and it's just. It's so long. Sorry.)

.ON IT BOSS o7 .this goes under the cut since it will get long most likely! (hi. future us. it's long but not as long as it could have been <3)

.[1.] What's your name? Does it have any special meaning? Ferry. It's a type of boat. I think? It's my name.

.[2.] Everyone assumes you're human, but are you really? ...

.[3.] What weapon do you use? Do you wish it was something else? Dagger, mainly. Honestly anything will do, merchants only give me "assasin choices" however. Not much room to experiment with. When the tool completes it's use we repurpose it, keep a little of it with me.

.[4.] How does your magic work? Did anybody teach you, or did you come up with it yourself? Not really sure. 'know what was.. "advertised" to me (plus we did go to a school for that momentarily, with the kid not wanting to go). I did notice that other magic users, or whatever you call them don't have little... tablets? At the back of their necks. We fiddle with it sometimes and different spells are easier then.

.[5.] What do you wear when you're not wearing armour, if there's ever such a time for you? The usual getup. The clothes that were given to me for wear under the armour. Not much else. Olon and Maxie did try to introduce us to different clothes, on separate occasions.

.[6.] What do you know about your time before becoming a Wynn soldier, if anything? Nothing.

.[7.] You've been around many places, do you have a favourite food from any of them? We can't? Really eat most of the food. We do like the warm broths from Nesak.

.[8.] Do you prefer warmer climates to colder ones? Anything goes, in the case of the right equipment.

.[9.] In your opinion, where has the best view out of all the places you've been? Outer void.

.[10.] What's your favourite memory of your travels? Don't have favorites. Olon tripping on a slippery stone and falling into the river was pretty funny. Especially as he turned out okay afterwards.

.[11.] Which is your favourite province? Wynn, Gavel, or Corkus? Don't ask me that.

.[12.] When did you realise that there's no going back to how things were? There's never going back, only forwards, one step at a time.

.[13.] Who would you consider your best friend? All of our friends are the best.

.[14.] If you had the ability to change one minor thing about yourself or your journey, what would it be? No point in thinking about this.

.[15.] Which loss hurt the most? Nice question you have.

.[16.] What or who are you most scared to lose next? What's your next move.

.[17.] Who do you blame for everything? Used to blame the elven council or whatever the hell they're calling themselves. There's no single point of origin for everything that's wrong.

.[18.] The most common religion in Wynn is Bovemism, do you believe in a god? If I got this right I'm sort of an extension of a light god at this point. Would be funny if I didn't.

.[19.] How do you feel know that everyone's hopes are riding on you? Tired.

.[20.] What's your biggest regret that you can never hope to fix? I don't think about that.

.[21.] Why do you keep going? Why don't you?

.[22.] How do you think this will end? No one can tell. We'll die at some point, Death will greet us. We'll play games for eternity I think. That sounds nice.

.[23.] If you could say one last thing to the person you miss most, what would it be? Why did you go?

.[24.] Do you remember what happiness feels like? Why are all of the questions so bleak, of course we know what that feels like. Go look at a kantyr.

.[25.] The gates of Fruma will be opening to you by the end of the year, do you think you're ready for what comes next? We have to be.

[beifong-brainrot]

Honestly I wish we had more Kuvira + Bolin interactions? I think they're a very underrated duo. Like first of all, they have some absolute amazing comedic potential. Likey they're absolutely "someone will die 😠" + "of fun! ☝️😃". I think their relationship in regards to Opal is also absolutely hillarious too, and there should be more of it.

I've talked at length about Bolin's interesting relationship with Kuvira. How he used her to fill the void of a leadership role usually filled by Korra and Mako for him. How their relationship is incredibly similar to Bolin's relationship to Eska, sans the romantic nature of it. Bolin is an amazing character to use to present Kuvira's usage of powerplays and control of her enviornment. One example is the fact that Kuvira semingly was the one who had Bolin change his hairstyle as well as how he seems to panickily set it back in place after Opal messes it up for him and he notices Kuvira approaching.

Kai: What's up with your new hair? You look like a stiff. Bolin: [Annoyed.] Hey, Kuvira says it makes me look intelligent and professional.

But I think Kuvira's own realation to Bolin is also very interesting. She's clearly using him for her own gain, but I do think there's some level of fondness there too. Is it because Bolin is just such a willing and easy tool? Maybe. Or maybe his seemingly authentic and easily readable demeanour make Kuvira, a person who was betrayed by her own parents, feel safer, because she feels like she would see any potential betrayal from him coming.

While I think part of Kuvira and Baatar inviting Bolin to join their 'Inner Circle', which was seemingly just a super secret club with just the two of them, was a manipulation tactic to garner his trust before they sicced him on the Beifongs, I think part of it was also because they did genuinely appreciate having him around. To an extent.

Part of me wonders if Bolin's role in his relationship to Kuvira had a more symbolic role too. There is an interesting discussion to be had about those living under dictatorships and eventually growing to accept and defend the system. [Maybe one day I'll explore this to its full extent, using Kuvira's conections to stalinism lol]

Bolin truly does enjoy helping the people of the Earth Kingdom, and he sees assisting Kuvira as the best way to help as many people as possible. But in doing so, he also submits to and enforces a system that builds up Kuvira's totalitarian dictatorship. He also lacks the spine to question Kuvira. Bolin is an ultimately good person, who wants to help others, but his insecurities and fear of rocking the boat have him falling into complacency and ultimately cause him to become an oppressor. A very poignat narrative, even nowadays.

Bolin: You don't understand. Kuvira is helping out all the poor people of the Earth Empire. People like our family. This is for the best.

Bolin: Saw it last month! We went to this town that had nothing. Most of the people there had never seen a Satomobile before. Now, they have two Satomobiles, running water, and a magnet train that goes right through their town! I mean, how awesome is that?

I also think Kuvira is such an amazing character to place in Bolin's life, because she really took advantage of every single flaw in Bolin's carefully crafted coping mechanisms. Bolin very clearly heavily employs the fawning trauma response after his difficult childhood. And that, paired with his naivete and desire to help others made him an excellent tool for Kuvira to use.

I wish we had explored Bolin's feelings around his role in the Earth Empire, because the show did not deliver. We get Bolin feeling sorry for himself for an episode or 2, until the magnitude of his probably several yearlong commitment to a brutal militaristic fascist regime gets reduced to a lover spat that can be solved with a glorified fetchquest.

And I don't just want Bolin to have to reckon with actual guilt. I also want to see how it all most likelt negatively affected him, as I can absolutely see his time in the Earth Empire possibly being traumatic, especially with the added guilt and shame assciciated with the timeframe.

I wish Ruins of the Empires gave us Bolin confronting Kuvira, which would be an excellent signifier of him growing as a person. But Bolin isn't allowed good things, so we only get this.

And it's nice to see, and I love that Bolin absolutely CLOCKS her (which supports my theory on Bolin having much more perceptive than even he thinks). But I wish there were more to it. Because Bolin deserved to air out his grievances towards Kuvira. I also think it would be a good moment in Kuvira's potential redemption arc to see the perso who previously buckled to her demands so easily snap at her.

Seeing Bolin have a specific reaction to being brainwashed by Guan, placed in an Earth Empire Uniform once again and directed against his friends would be FASCINATING. Beacuse its a literal mirror of what he could've become had he not switched sides under Zaofu.

Bolin deserved so much more development around his role in the Earth Empire, and his relationship with Kuvira. And hell, I think Kuvira could be made much more interesting and fleshed out by Bolin being allowed to interact with her more.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

do you think NHS will ever be satisfied with the way things have turned out in the end? or is he already? I've seen polar opinions on this one and honestly can't decide which one I like more

oooh, what crunchy questions, anon.

short answer: I think he thinks he's satisfied.

the tl;dr answer: I don't think it's possible for us to know with any degree of certainty how nhs feels about anything post-canon, because the text gives us almost no insight into his interiority outside of wwx's speculation in the aftermath of the guanyin temple sequence. but I think we can make some educated guesses based on what we do know about his character.

rather than just rewrite stuff I've already written on this subject before, I'll drop some links to previous posts that I think are relevant to your ask:

nhs took so long to enact his revenge quest because he could not make up his mind about what he wanted to do. also this one, which includes discussion of his cql performance as well. indecisiveness is as core to nhs's character as his desire for vengeance, and I think that extends to his feelings about his situation post-canon, too.

this is definitely more within the realm of headcanon and speculation but I went deep on this the magnus archives-mdzs fusion reblog speculating on why I think nhs would be an avatar of the hunt, and a big thing about the hunt is that once the hunt is over, the hunters... don't really know what to do with themselves. womp womp.

now on to the point I don't think I've spilt much digital ink on yet:

nhs is, and always has been, a people person. this is extremely obvious when you dip back into the gusu lan summer camp for wayward young cultivators chapters, where nhs is at his most effervescent when he is bopping around the cloud recesses as wwx and jc's bubbly tag-along, lamenting how much lwj and lqr clearly hate wwx while cheerfully offering to give wwx more porn to make up for what he's lost. (it was nhs's porn, too! he'd be justified in being a bit cheesed off about it, but he really isn't!) if he sees a didi-shaped hole in a prospective friends' group, he sees an opportunity to make himself lovably indispensable as the court appointed littlest brother no one asked for, and quite frankly who could blame him? he loves to be spoiled and doted on, but imo there's some clear self-awareness and reciprocity at work in these dynamics that goes beyond a desire just to be pampered and looked after. I suppose an uncharitable read on teen!nhs would be that he's lazy and manipulative and finds easy marks to do the heavy lifting for him so he can sleep and paint and catch birds for his private collection, but tbh I think that interpretation does his character dirty. most people who end up spoiling and doting on nhs in the text are clearly happy to do so and seem to get something out of making life easier for this charmingly incompetent dandy. good for him--and for them!

...and then, post-canon, he is a people person without any people around him. sure, we can presume the existence of some unnamed nie sect subordinates who are stuck dealing with a sect leader who allowed his sect to languish and decline in the years after nmj's death, but I think if any of those unnamed subordinates were inclined to be people nhs could rely on to fill the 3zun and/or wwx and jc-shaped voids in his life, we'd at least know their names. I think it is telling that we don't, and that the last meaningful interaction we see between nhs and the characters who used to be his closest friends in the text amounts to an interrogation. whatever affection wwx used to feel for nhs has clearly withered on the vine and has been replaced by mistrust and suspicion--to say nothing of lxc's dead-eyed silence as soon as he begins to put the pieces together.

also: the last glimpse we get of nhs in the text before he disappears from the story altogether is him picking up jgy's hat and walking off with it. why does he do this? why is this the very last thing we see him do in the story? there are a few different possibilities:

"he's taking the hat to keep as a trophy!" I mean. maybe? I suppose I can't entirely rule out this possibility, but it is the least interesting one to me because it glosses over the complexity of nhs's pre-existing relationship to jgy.

"nhs doesn't know why he picks up the hat and takes it with him. he just does it." this is the idea I vibe with the most because it is most consistent with my read on his character--namely that he is never 100% sure about anything (except what qualifies as good erotica). but I think the part of him that still cares about jgy (it's there! it's tiny and shrivelled and warped by his transformation into the wuxia version of montresor, but it's still there) does not want to see his hat abandoned in the mud and dirt, and also does not want to interrogate his feelings about why he feels that way that closely.

"nhs can't abide littering! he's doing his part to keep the city streets clean." doubt.jpeg

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Hearing how Kuripa is trying to hunt down ASOOT!Hajime, I just feel given what's going on over DTFA; Nagi might not be able to really say or do much given her mission about her finding Utsuro and holy hell, there was more then she bargain for and I think she'll need some tylenol after that massive headache.

Like girl had to not only deal with Void but also the Kisaragi Foundation and her just having this mental breakdown over not just reforming the Remanats of Despairs, the guy she's interested in accepted a project, having Future Foundation breathing down her neck, her former teacher in a position of power, learning she has Divine Luck, Akane Taira deciding to communicate with her and Oh yeah, having to deal with Void and the Kisaragi Foundation's nonsense...

Yeah, girl's really going through it and just needs to rest but I do think Kuripa and Nagi's interactions would be pretty interesting since they seem like polar opposites where one is all violence while the other is mostly avoiding violence, so that be a rather fun interaction. 8P - Mod Poi

//By the way, this meme applies to both Hajime AND Kyoji for Bubbles, and Kuripa AND Uchui for me.

//Real talk, yeah, I definitely don't talk about Nagi as much as I talk about Hajime and Aliza, but it really is interesting to see how she is kind of the complete antithesis to Kuripa in terms of how they've coped with the pain they've been through.

//Nagi always goes out of her way to help relieve people of their burdens, and I feel in a party of these four MC's, she's the one who manages to remain the most emotionally stable. Meanwhile, Kuripa's way of dealing with his trauma is projecting it through violence, and it drags so many other people down with him.

//Like, you understand his pain and that he's not completely the villain, but he's still a rotten bastard for subjecting people to that.

//From what I know of everyone's blogs aside my own, I do feel like Nagi is the anchor of the trio. When bad things happen to Kuripa and Hajime, they shut themselves out or devolve into an unconscious state of pain if they can't deal with it. Aliza, similarly, while innocent at heart, is not above feeling emotional pain or rage towards people.

//Not to say Nagi doesn't, but the point is she has much more emotional maturity than the other three. Her story literally starts with "Bitch took mah fuckin LEGS!" so she's already come to terms with the idea that crying about it will not make things right.

//Point being that, I genuinely don't see a situation where Nagi could interract with any of the other blog protags and benefit from it. In fact, her conversation with Aliza during Aliza's little post was about NAGI helping HER with her issues.

//It is really...surreal, seeing Nagi have a panic attack, wheras it wouldn't be with the other three. And honestly, it makes me feel a lot of shit, because that's the team mom right there having an emotional breakdown, and it's gutteral.

//Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass and reading this whole thing wrong. You be the judge.

//Unfortunately, as of late, it seems the stars of depression are aligning, because none of our MC's are doing so hot.

-Mod

[tellywoodtrash]

Hello TT! Hope you are doing well, I lurked in after a really long time so thought would say hello and let you know how much your blog has impacted my life. I started following your blog religiously when I discovered Ishqbaaz, it was almost an obsession how zealously I followed your blog and the show. I was on the cusp of Adulthood, just two years short. All pieces of fiction were merely me trying to escape my horrible home life. I have always indulged in fiction, it has mostly been books tbh but there were times after I had access to a phone when tellywood lured me in. After IB, I just followed you for your wit and boldness. I imagined this is how my elder sister would be if I had one (since I am the elder sibling in the house). You actually hooked me to AryLie as well, and for that I am most grateful since I somehow found a supportive community through AryLie fandom (long story). I know you don't follow tellywood anymore, I too switched to Kdramas and Cdramas over the years. Oh, I also gave Suno Chanda a try; thanks to you and Mais. Absolutely delightful. The thing is I felt my appreciation towards your constant support (even if you weren't aware) should be at least known. You speak for so many girls in this blog of yours, always giving everyone a warm hug to those who need it and a virtual asskicking to who are being jerks. People you follow truly shape you, it's the way I have felt validated by when you spoke what I believed it; it's the way you introduced me to life changing fiction just when I needed it; it's the way you have been present for the last nine years in my life. I have always struggled with suicide ideation but if it has taught me anything; it's to always express the gratitude you are feeling. Life is so unpredictable anyway. I want to be appreciated and appreciate others as well. That's humanity to me. This connection where we truly value each other. Anyway, so sorry for the long ramble. I hope wherever you are, you always stay well, physically healthy and mentally sane. Adieu, my internet sister. I will keep checking in 💌

Oh my heart, I am actually here like........

Just the other day, I'd been thinking wistfully of all the community I felt through this blog, wondering if any of y'all are still even around. This message honestly feels like the universe's answer to that. 🥰🥰🥰

This blog started out as just me shouting into the void about nonsense ITV, but it grew into so much more thanks to you all. I am an only child (and wouldn't have it any other way!) and know nothing of being a sibling, but somehow I felt so fiercely protective of every single person I've talked to through this blog, that idk how, I just became an honorary big sister. It's a badge I wear with utmost honour, even though we don't even know each others' names!

Just know, even if I am not watching Tellywood anymore/super active on this blog, I'm still here on tumblr everyday (it's my safe corner on the internet) and you guys can reach out whenever! Life goes on, interests change, and we grow as people. But this blog and I don't plan on going anywhere, and it'll always be a home for y'all to drop in when you need it. 🏠🏠🏠💖💖💖

PS - I'm proud of you for finding a community of your own, and kicking mental illness's ass on the regular. I'm right there with you (on the suicide ideation) and we're not going down without fighting tooth and nail, sis. There are people out there who we care about, and who care about us, and that's literally alllllll that life is all about, baby!!!!!!!! Go on and live your best life to the fullest, and always remember that this internet big sister of yours is always proud of you. *forehead smoochies*

[yennefer-of-vengerbergs]

Rant under the cut, just because i need to get this out of my system 😖Feel free to ignore if you want.

I'm tired. I've tried so much to keep a positive attitude about my writing, trying to improve on my own, trying to appreciate what little notes on here and hits on ao3 I got, but I'm so tired of spending so days or weeks writing and editing something only for it to ultimately flop and be ignored. It's why I took a break from it. But then I decided to start writing again, even trying my hand at a longfic. I was so genuinely excited to start writing it and actually finish and post the first chapter for it. I was so damn hopeful that maybe this time, I'd hear something about it from someone. And it just...fizzled out. No comments. Barely any hits. I appreciate the lone like on here and the single bookmark it got on ao3, but I still feel like shit. It's so discouraging to spend time and effort on something, only for it to - as far as I can tell - go ignored. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong here. Is my writing that bad? Am I just posting at the wrong times? I've tried mornings, I've tried afternoons, early evenings, late nights, nothing works, it's always the same, no feedback, no comments, maybe some hits and likes, but other than that, it just feels like I'm throwing these fics into the void. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting to be showered in praise for everything I write by everyone who sees it even in passing, I'm perfectly aware that my writing isn't the best out there, but I'd like to think it's not THAT bad. Still, it goes completely ignored most of the times. I can accept that for my oneshots, they weren't as developed, what with them having a named character, with a specific background and people just won't be familiar with whatever went through my mind for them. But that first chapter of my longfic? I was genuinely proud of it. I have so many ideas for that fic that I wanted to share and talk about. I do want to write down all the stuff I came up with for my oc, I want my writing to improve, I want to develop my oc as much as possible and I want a whole lot more for this fic than for it to just be as dead as it is at the moment. I know it's only the first chapter, and that maybe it can still change if I continue to update it, but I can't help but feel discouraged and sad because of how things started off for it (and just how it's always been for my writing). How am I even supposed to improve anything, if nobody comments or gives any feedback? How am I supposed to know if anyone even likes the ideas I have? And how the hell am I supposed to know if it's even worth writing and sharing it in the first place, if I can't even know if anyone is actually reading it? It's bad enough I have an absolutely thankless job where nobody bothers to say something as basic as good job to me, no they just throw more work towards me, but to start to feel that same (or at least similar) way about something that's a hobby? That's supposed to be my moment of escapism? It sucks. It sucks and I hate it and I don't even know what to do anymore. I just know that I don't like this lack of interaction at all and it makes me feel like shit and today was the worst for it (it's genuinely been on my mind all day and even had me tearing up on and off since I saw the lack of notes and barely any hits and the no comments this morning, that's how bad it's gotten). I honestly wish it didn't affect me this much, but it does.

I don't know. Maybe I should just lower my expectations more than they already were. Maybe I should just quit writing altogether. Or at least stop posting and just keep it for myself. In any case, it's a horrible feeling.

😞

[limomi]

adults only, minors don't interact

we all know that Reo is at the very least ok/good in everything he does, so i'm just literally physically unable to stop thinking how he'd be singing this song for ya...

imagine how yall have sorta singing competition while studying in uni n Reo never gave a damn about it but

so u 2 r really close friends both in love with each other but still not dating cause each of you's afraid to confess. most likely u don't wanna be "one of all that ppl" confessed to him n get rejected n even he'd say yes, he'd definitely do that just not to make u sad? moroever, u 'know' his family won't ever accept u as his partner.

the same time Reo can't believe that you as perfect as you are to him can love someone like him, cause let's be honest, his self-esteem is so much lower than should be

so time goes by n u 2 fall more n more in love n it causes a lot of fights between u, u 2 just can't stand seeing each other being so nice n friendly to someone else, smiling to someone else, spend time enjoying someone's company but yall can't honestly explain what r the reasons of that 'weird' behavior so u fight even more. neither of u wanna lose this connection between u, but both of you are sure that it'll surely happen if either of you reveals the truth about ur feelings to the other

one day Mikage got way too overheated with jealousy, observing u going to lunch with some random guy n letting him to touch u when he helps u clean ur face cause u have sauce n crumbs allover it, when that guy has a nerve to hug u, to make u smile n laugh so sincerely

Reo confronts u, u immediately get defensive n angry with such tone he talks to u with, the fight is just dreadful, he says n screams a lot but nothing he actually should, the same do u

now u don't talk for weeks, even months n none of u can get over it, get over ur feelings but also fear to lose each other. so stupid n ironic of both of u to be that afraid of loosing each other n still doing everything what's leads to it

the day of singing competition Reo didn't even know about it, he just didn't care at all, but than some of his friends invited him cause one of contestants was the crush of this pure guy but he was to shy n embarrassed to go alone, so being nice person as he is, Reo agrees to keep his poor friend's company. n there he sees u with that guy he confronted u about.

Reo's mad n broken at the same time, he couldn't be sure if something's going on between u or not but he thought about the worst scenario possible n immediately got nauseous so he excused himself, saying he needed to go, n ended up spending most of the competition in the restroom, picturing u in the arms of that guy

'no thoughts, head empty' he run without any clear plans, irritated and defeated, to the concert hall, backstage area, and literally ordered to put a minus of this song next, he'd been listening to it on repeat for a long time, back when you gave it to him to listen to over a year ago.

ofc, they tried to turn him down, saying he wasn't on the list of contestants, but a few words were enough to make the organizers worry about their future well-being so they did what he wanted

Mikage ordered all the footlights to go out before he appeared on stage, n the hall was completely dark, at first no one could understand what was going on, but suddenly Reo's voice came on, filling the void with pain and love that was clearly audible in his singing, n u couldn't help but recognize that beloved voice, so tears began to roll down your cheeks in unstoppable rivers, even though u couldn't see him, you knew that was him.

song comes to the end, Reo screams 'see? I said that u have power over me' n that exact moment as he burst into tears he feels ur hand holding his one as u say with trembling voice 'let's go out of here, I don't wanna our first kiss be this public"

P.S. sorry but sometimes my brain just needs scenarios like in stupid romantic tv-shows for teens