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intheticklecloset · 3 years ago

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My Hero Academia Sentence Starters #61-70

A collection of the MHA sentence starters I’ve done, compiled for the sake of ease. These are all stand-alone stories.

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61) Lee Shinsou, Ler Deku

“If you give it back I might stop tickling you.” Deku had Shinsou straddled from behind, his fingers hooked into the dip of his hips, making the poor purple-haired boy screech and thrash and laugh his guts out, pounding the floor.

“I DOHOHOHOHON’T HAHAHAHAHAVE IT ANYMOHOHOHOHORE!!”

This only served to make Deku tickle harder. “Then where did you put it?”

“PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!” Dear god, who knew Izuku had it in him to be so ruthless?! Shinsou felt like he was going to die laughing if he didn’t stop soon. “LEHEHEHEHET ME GO!! I’LL GEHEHEHEHEHET IT BAHAHAHAHAHACK I PROMISE!!”

“The issue is that you took it in the first place.” Deku had to work to make his voice sound cold, but from his position behind Shinsou it was easy to let his big smile free. He was enjoying playing with his friend this way. “What were you thinking?”

“I WAHAHAHAHANTED TO MEHEHEHEHESS WITH YOU!! I’M SOHOHOHORRY!!”

“Oh? Well, you got what you wanted, didn’t you? And since you messed with me, now I’m going to mess with you.” Deku settled himself in further, never letting up on what he knew was his friend’s death spot. He smirked, unable to help the slight playfulness that entered his tone as he said, “I think this is a fair punishment for stealing my favorite All Might hoodie. Don’t you, Shinsou?”

“PLEASE, MIDORIYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Shinsou was practically crying, he was laughing so hard. “STAHAHAHAHAHAP!! I’M SOHOHOHOHOHORRY!!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not really mad. Unless you actually ruined it?”

“I DIHIHIHIHIHIHIDN’T!! I JUST HID IT I SWEHEHEHEHEAR!!”

Deku chuckled, finally letting up on his deadly assault. “Then you have five minutes to get it back to me before I really punish you for taking it in the first place.”

62) Lee Sero, Ler Todoroki

“You scared me!” Sero gasped, clutching one hand to his chest. He was pinned against the wall with Todoroki standing right in front of him. Moments before his boyfriend had had a crazy look in his eyes, but now those same eyes were all smiles and mischief. “Don’t do that again!”

“Sorry,” Todoroki chuckled. “I was just trying to fluster you.”

“There are better ways to do that,” Sero muttered.

Todoroki scribbled his fingers against his belly without warning. “Like tickling?”

“Gahk! Pfft – wahahahahahait!” Sero squealed, squirming against the wall. “No fahahahahair!”

“What? This is flustering, isn’t it? And far less scary.”

“I dohohohohohon’t know about thahahahahat!”

“Ah, well.” Todoroki moved up to his ribs. “I guess I can’t win every time.”

“Stahahahahahap!” Sero pleaded, curling up as best he could while still on his feet. “You jeheheheherk – you’re luhuhuhuhuhucky I’m so nihihihihice!”

“Oh?”

“Not everyohohohohone would l-lehehehehet you tickle thehehehem!”

“You’re right.” Todoroki smiled genuinely, pulling Sero into a tickly hug, fingers teasing his waistline now. “I’m lucky you’re so willing to be my victim.”

“Your whahahahahahahat?! Hohohohohold on—”

Todoroki chuckled. “Relax. I’ll stop once you say the safe word. You may not realize you haven’t actually said it yet.”

Sero whined through his giggles, flushing red. “Jeheheheheherk.”

“Only for you, babe.”

63) Lee Bakugou, Ler Kirishima

“You’re awfully cocky for someone who’s so ticklish,” Kirishima muttered.

Bakugou nearly tripped over his own feet. He clutched his coffee cup hard, nearly popping the lid and spilling the hot liquid all over his hand. “What?”

Kiri glanced at him, saw how flustered he’d become so quickly, and smirked. “I said, you’re really cocky for someone so ticklish. Don’t you think you should choose your words more carefully? Especially around someone so prone to tickling you into submission?”

“I – I don’t submit to anyone!” Bakugou shouted, storming on ahead, ears red as tomatoes.

Kiri smirked and trailed lazily after him.

Later that morning, once they’d retired to Kiri’s dorm room for a quick study session, the redhead came up behind Bakugou and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his neck. “Hey.”

Bakugou’s heart raced. He loved when Kiri kissed his neck like that. “Hey.”

“Remember what I said to you earlier?”

“About what?”

Kiri curled his fingers inwards, tickling the blonde’s ribs while still holding him close. “About you being so ticklish.”

“GAH!! Kiri nahahahahahahahaha!” Bakugou had no hope of stopping the giggles that poured out of him. He twisted and squirmed and tried to grab his boyfriend in retaliation, but Kirishima merely hardened his body and then pushed him over to the bed, shoving him face-first onto the mattress and drilling deep into his weak spot. “NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU JERK, I HAHAHAHAHATE YOU!!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kiri grinned as he settled in, enjoying his boyfriend’s screaming laughter. “I love you, too.”

64) Lee Deku, Ler Shinsou

“You’ve been sitting here so much, you’ve got dust on yourself,” Shinsou teased, waving his feather duster over Deku’s neck and ears from behind.

“EEEK!!” Deku squealed, shooting up out of his chair and whirling around, dropping his textbook on the floor.

For a moment, there was total silence.

Then Shinsou grinned wickedly. “Oh?”

“I – I know what you’re thinking,” Deku stammered, already backing away. “And I wouldn’t recommend it!”

“Why? Too ticklish?”

“No!”

Shinsou lunged, waving his feather duster at his boyfriend, who shrieked and scrambled to the door. “Get back here!”

“No!”

Bam. Shinsou chuckled as Deku stopped dead in his tracks, body going limp.

“Midoriya~” He hummed. “Be a dear and lay down on the floor for me.”

Deku obeyed. Shinsou climbed on top of him, grabbing his arms and pulling them down so he could sit on them, pinning his boyfriend effectively before releasing his hold on his mind. He enjoyed the look of confusion followed by panic when his partner realized what had happened.

Shinsou waved his feather duster teasingly. “Gotcha.”

“Y-You – you cheated!” Deku cried moments before he found himself sputtering and giggling and trying in vain to scrunch up his shoulders as the plumes of the duster brushed over his ears, neck, and cheeks, tickling him lightly. “Tohohohohoshi! Nohohohohohoho!”

“Toshi yes~” Shinsou smiled. “You’ve been hard at work all day. I think it’s about time you took a break and let your mind relax.”

Deku whimpered, but truthfully, he was grateful for the reprieve. “Meheheheeheanie…”

“You’ll thank me later.” The duster brushed under his chin, drawing another squeal. Shinsou felt his heart skip a beat at the sound. “My ticklish little Izuku.”

65) Lee Kaminari, Ler Bakugou

“What happens if I tickle you…here?” Bakugou honed in on a spot just to the left of Denki’s belly button, smiling in surprised satisfaction when he actually got a squeak and some light giggles. “Oh? Wasn’t expecting that, sparks.”

Denki pressed his lips together, trying to muffle his mirth for all of five seconds before Bakugou found the same spot on the other side of his belly button, and the electric blonde absolutely melted at the touch, snickering quietly.

“You like this spot?” Bakugou teased, digging in a little more.

Denki whined. “Nohohohohot so hahahahahard.”

Bakugou lightened the pressure, intrigued when his friend’s face flushed bright pink and his giggles seemed to never want to stop. All from the softest of touches. “Fascinating. This a fluff spot?”

“Yehehehehehehes.” Denki crossed his arms over his face, purposely exposing himself even more to the light tickling. He squirmed a little. “Gohohohohohod, I lohohohohohohove this.”

Bakugou bit his lip to keep from saying something snarky. It was obvious that his friend was having a blast being tickled right now. Despite himself, he didn’t want to end that by being his usual smart-aleck self. Instead he mused, “How long can you take it, I wonder?”

“Forehehehehever.”

“Forever is a long time.” Bakugou chuckled. “Want to see if you actually can?”

Denki looked at him, his eyes hopeful. “Wohohohohould you?”

“Yeah, why not?” The atomic blonde settled in, smirking. “I torture you all the time. I can be nice just this once.”

66) Lee Kirishima, Ler Bakugou

“I’ve never heard you squeal like that!” Bakugou laughed. He gripped Kiri’s wrists and leaned down to blow another raspberry into the crook of his neck. “I want to hear it again!”

“Nonono – Katsuki, plehehe-HEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!” Kiri shrieked, laughter being ripped from him uncontrollably with the placement of another raspberry right where his neck was most ticklish. Of course Bakugou had found that spot. Of course he had. “GEHEHEHEHEHET OFF!!”

“You’re so cute when you’re panicked like this,” Bakugou chuckled, smirking down at him.

Kiri bristled. “I’m not panicked. It just really tickles!”

“So you won’t mind if I threaten to do it again.” The blonde grinned when Kiri’s eyes widened in alarm. “See? I’ve got you cornered, Ei~”

“S-Shut up!” Kiri tried to use his quirk to gain extra strength to push Bakugou away, but his boyfriend quickly blew a raspberry at the base of his ribs, making him lose all concentration and throw his head back laughing again. “GAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU JEHEHEHEHEHEHERK!!”

“You love it.”

“SO WHAHAHAHAHAT?!” Kirishima gasped for breath when it was over, leftover giggles spilling from his lips. “It s-stihihihihill tihihickles really bahahad!”

Bakugou leaned down to the crook of his neck again, ignoring the redhead’s desperate pleas for mercy. He began nibbling on the spot he’d raspberried a couple of times, smiling when Kiri dissolved into desperate, squeaky giggles. “You’re so dang cute when you’re being tickled, Ei.”

“Ugh,” Kiri groaned, but he went limp and gave up the fight, surrendering to his mirth. “Shuhuhuhuhut up, Kahahahatsuki.”

67) Lee Kirishima, Ler Todoroki

“No! You fiend!” Kirishima screeched, pulling desperately at the ice shackles that bound his wrists behind him when not five seconds ago he’d been free to fight back. Todoroki smirked and pushed him down so he was lying on the couch, now helpless to do anything but take what he dished out. “I trusted you!”

“That was your first mistake.” Todoroki straddled his hips and wiggled his fingers teasingly. “Now, where to begin?”

“Y-You jerk!” Kiri sputtered, but he was grinning uncontrollably already. “Just because you know I love it doesn’t mean you get to tie me up—”

“I can release you if you’d like.” Todoroki cocked his head. “I just thought this would make it easier for both of us.”

Kiri’s cheeks became as red as his hair. He averted his eyes. “Well, I…I didn’t say I didn’t want it, so…”

Todoroki grabbed his ribs. “That’s what I thought.”

“AIEE!! Nahahahahahahaha!” Kiri’s heart raced as he tossed back and forth and tugged at his newfound shackles but couldn’t do anything to stop Todoroki from tickling him to pieces. “Oh nohohohohohoho! Wahahahahahait, wait!”

“Is the reality of your situation setting in now?” Todoroki couldn’t help but smile himself, having a ton of fun making Kiri desperate like this. He lived for these moments, those frantic giggles. He wanted nothing more than to keep pulling them from his friend all afternoon. Todoroki trailed his fingers lightly across Kiri’s belly. “Are you realizing there’s nothing you can do to stop me anymore?”

Kiri whimpered. “Plehehehehease be cahahahareful.”

“Always. And remember there’s a safe word. But until then…” Todoroki went back to drilling into his ribs, pulling a loud scream of laughter from Kirishima. “…I’m going to tickle you until you’re begging me for mercy.”

68) Lee Deku, Ler Shinsou

“I love seeing you laugh,” Shinsou said happily, digging each of his pointer fingers into Deku’s hip bones.

His partner flopped around helplessly, frantic giggles and laughter spilling out of him in waves. He tried pushing Shinsou away but he would always find a new spot to tickle until his hip was unprotected again. This had been going on for a few minutes by now and Deku was slowly losing his mind – and his will to fight back.

“Plehehehehehease,” he whimpered, his hysterics so out of control that he was already on the verge of mirthful tears. “Toshiehehehehehehe!”

“You’re so cute.” Shinsou growled out the last word playfully, falling on top of Deku and pressing kisses to his neck while he lazily trailed his fingers up and down his sides.

Deku jerked beneath him, giggling anew and trying to twist his head away. “Nohohohohoho! Not thahahahahahat! Toshi!”

“Tickle, tickle, tickle~” Shinsou teased into his ear. “Is my Izuku just super, super ticklish? I think he is~”

“Toshiiiiii!” Deku squealed, trying to retaliate by digging into his partner’s sides as well. “Plehehehehehease!”

“Oh, you want more?” Shinsou grabbed his wrists and shoved them above his head, further trapping him as he resumed his tickly kissing attack. “It sure seems like it. Why else would you provoke me like that?”

“Nononono I’m sohohohohohohohorry!” Deku kicked his legs, giggles turning to laughter the longer those light tickles drove him up the wall. “Toshi, hahahahahave mehehehehehercy!”

“But you’re just so cute!” Shinsou nuzzled the space under his ear, trying to hide his own beaming smile and blushing face in his boyfriend’s hysterics. “How can I possibly stop now?”

69) Lee Bakugou, Ler Bakusquad

“We’re not stopping until you admit it!”

“EEYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHADMIT WHAHAHAHAT, YOU IHIHIHIHIDIOTS?!” Bakugou screamed, thrashing beneath the weight of four of his friends at once, fingers digging into all of his worst spots in tandem, making him howl with laughter he couldn’t hold back if he tried. To top it off, Denki had even had the nerve to blindfold him, so he couldn’t see what was coming next. All he could do was focus on the tickling, and it was driving him crazy much faster than it usually did. “STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP IT ALREADYEHEHEHEHEHE!!”

“That you like it!” Mina giggled. “Obviously!”

“Yeah, Baku-bro!” Denki added. “You’re totally having a blast, just admit it!”

“I AHAHAHAHAM NOHOHOHOHOHOHOT!!”

Sero laughed. “Yeah, you are. Tell him, Kirishima!”

Kiri was – of course – closest to his ears, which made it unfairly easy for him to lean down and tease Bakugou right up close and personal. “Come on, Kats. You can’t honestly expect us to believe you hate this?”

“I DO HAHAHAHAHAHATE IT, YOU F-FRIHIHIHIHICKING KNOHOHOHOW-IT-AHAHAHAHALL!”

“Then why haven’t you said ‘red’ yet?”

Bakugou knew his cheeks were turning pink, and he hated himself for it. He growled around another string of laugher. “SHUHUHUHUHUHUHUT UP!!”

“Admit it,” Kiri said, “or we’ll tickle it out of you.”

“Y-YOHOHOHOHOU CAHAHAHAHAN’T MAKE ME ADMIHIHIHIT ANYTHING, YOU—!!” The blonde suddenly dissolved into silent hysterics when his death spot was targeted – that small space between his underarms and upper ribs. His fighting resolve crumbled in seconds, and as soon as he was able to breathe again he cried, “OKAYOKAY I LIHIHIHIHIHIKE BEHEHEHEING TICKLED JUST STAHAHAHAHAHAP!! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!”

All at once the tickling fingers left his body, and the blindfold was removed from his eyes. He was mortified to realize he’d been crying with laughter for who knew how long. His friends all enveloped him in a giant hug, and much as he hated to admit it, he sank into their embrace easily, knowing his secret was safe with them.

70) Lee Amajiki, Ler Kirishima

“I love seeing you laugh!”

Amajiki tried to curl up defensively, but it was difficult when Kirishima’s arms were wrapped around him from behind, gently digging into his sides and ribs. Not super ticklish spots, but ticklish enough to weaken him and make him giggle. He whimpered, embarrassed. “Plehehehehease…”

“Aww, but you deserve to be happy, Amajiki.” Kiri moved one hand into his underarm, smiling when his friend jerked sharply and barked out an actual laugh, followed immediately by trying to stifle any further mirth that threatened to spill. “Come on, man. Let it out! You’ve earned it.”

“Nohohohohohoho.”

“Fine, then. Where’s your worst spot?”

Amajiki gasped. “W-Whahahahat? I’m nohohohohot tehehehelling you that!”

“Either you tell me, or I’ll find it myself and tickle you to tears.” Kiri smirked. “Well? What will it be, buddy?”

Amajiki opened his mouth to reply, then clamped it shut again, shaking his head defiantly. Kiri shrugged, then went into full-on attack mode, using his quirk to push his friend to the ground, fingers flying everywhere, determined to find a spot that would really make him let loose.

It only took him a minute to try his thighs, and when Amajiki let out a loud squeal, the redhead stayed right where he was and dug in. “Oh, is it here? Is this your spot? Hmm? Tickle, tickle, tickle!”

“Nohohohohohohohoho!” Amajiki pleaded, his giggles bordering on laughter. He squirmed desperately. “Plehehehehehease, Kirishima!”

“I told you I’d tickle you to tears if you didn’t spill.” Kiri settled himself in on Amajiki’s legs, squeezing and pinching and scribbling over his thighs relentlessly, beyond satisfied when his normally shy, quiet friend burst into loud laughter. “Now it’s time to keep my word~”

#fanfiction #tickle drabble #compilation #quick prompts #boku no hero #my hero academia #bnha #mha #sentence starters #shindeku

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rajubhadra · 2 years ago

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julio-claudian-saberface · 4 years ago

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Some Other Women, Part II

Previous post, now with extra crackfic discussion and corpse disposal. Same disclaimers apply.

Domitia Lepida (the elder): Caligula’s cousin, Nero’s paternal aunt. There’s a story that when she was bedridden, she told Nero that she wanted to stay alive long enough to see the coming-of-age ritual of his first shave. According to this story, Nero said he’d shave posthaste - and then poisoned her and took her stuff.

In Fateverse, of course, Nero wasn’t going to have anything to shave up there but her eyebrows, so I wonder how it would have translated. That, and the arts festival that historical Nero threw when he did have his first shave. I’m picturing something with an obviously fake beard, Hatshepsut-style.

Domitia Lepida (the younger): Caligula’s cousin, Nero’s paternal aunt, mother of Empress Messalina. She raised Nero once his father (her brother) died and Agrippina was exiled. After Agrippina’s return they came into conflict, not least over her influence on Nero. Apparently Lepida was the honey to Agrippina’s vinegar. But when Agrippina, now Empress, brought trumped-up capital charges, she got the teenage Nero to testify against her. Lepida was subsequently executed.

Claudia Octavia: Daughter of Claudius and Messalina, Britannicus’s sister, Caligula’s first cousin (though far younger than him). Nero’s first cousin once removed, stepsister, and unloved first wife. She was a couple of years younger than Nero and their marriage was arranged some years after their parents’, when she was thirteen and Nero was fifteen.

A bit over a year later, her father died and Nero became emperor. A few months after that, she witnessed Britannicus die of poison at a dinner party while Nero dismissed his death throes as an epileptic fit.

(Also present, by the by: the future emperor Titus, who was Britannicus’s BFF or at least liked to say that he was in the years afterward, and also said that he had a sip from Britannicus’s cup and was deathly ill for a while)

(Also: The ever-virtuous Seneca wrote a nasty little RPF about her dead father called the Apocolocyntosis. You can find online translations of a work that historians are reasonably convinced is the same one. It trashes Claudius as a deformed mass murderer and Caligula’s whipping boy, and shamelessly sucks up to Nero)

By all accounts Octavia was an ideal virtuous Roman wife despite all this, with a lot of practice at holding her tongue and hiding her feelings, but Nero didn’t care for her and busily carried on affairs with first Claudia Acte, then Poppaea Sabina (see below). She was popular with the people, probably because of the ideal virtuous Roman wife thing. Seven years after becoming emperor Nero finally divorced her to marry Poppaea, leading to protest in the streets. Nero kept escalating, exiling her further and further away, accusing her first of being barren and then of committing adultery - first of doing it with a random slave, then with his admiral Anicetus (who had previously killed Agrippina for him, and who he paid off for his assassination and perjury with a cushy retirement of an “exile” in Sardinia). He threw in an accusation that she’d aborted an illegitimate child, never mind that he’d previously said she was barren. Her slaves were tortured to provide more ��evidence,” but most of them refused to break. Eventually, on the encouragement of Poppaea, who was nervous at her popular support, the executioners came for her.

By now Octavia was imprisoned on Pandateria, one of the go-to exile spots for women of the imperial family. Augustus’s daughter Julia had died there, and Caligula’s mother/Nero’s grandmother Agrippina the Elder, and Nero’s aunt Livilla. She begged to be allowed to live as not Nero’s wife but merely his sister, to no avail. It’s said they tried to bleed her to death, but she was so frightened the blood wouldn’t flow heavily enough (I have no idea about the biological veracity of this), so they suffocated her instead and brought back her head to show Poppaea. She was about twenty-two years old.

Headcanon time: Britannicus took after Messalina in looks, and Octavia took after Claudius, so Claudius was far more certain she was his. Hence he eventually agreed to a marriage between his daughter and his “stepson,” with the understanding that they’d be engaging in the good old Roman custom of adoption. The seemingly more sensible measure of a marriage between Britannicus and a female Nero was dismissed because of his doubts about Britannicus’s paternity.

Historically it’s speculated that Nero poisoned Britannicus so that Agrippina, who he was already quarreling with, couldn’t hold him over his head as a threat. But in Fateverse Everything Is Agrippina’s Fault, so she probably poisoned Britannicus too, to make sure he didn’t challenge Nero as he got older. Maybe he really did have epilepsy, and Nero didn’t take it seriously until it was too late - and maybe Octavia didn’t believe that she hadn’t known.

And the slander? The murder? It can’t be blamed on Agrippina, who was dead for three years by then and in any case wanted him to stay with Octavia for political reasons. Shall we switch gears to Everything is Poppaea’s Fault? FGO Nero in Septem is from 60 AD, the year after Agrippina died, and the divorce/remarriage was in 62. Were the effects of Agrippina’s poison really kicking in at this point, leading to Nero’s paranoia ramping up?

Claudia Acte: Nero’s first love, a freedwoman formerly owned by the Claudian clan and afterward under their patronage, indicated by receiving the name Claudia upon her manumission (headcanon: Nero met her because she was one of Octavia’s attendants). From her name, she might have been a performer of some kind (alternate headcanon: Nero noticed her after she played the role of Andromache in Seneca’s Trojan Women). Nero fell for her so hard that he sought to fake a genealogy that made her a long-lost princess of Pergamum, presumably so she would be a suitable wife. The relationship was a source of conflict between Nero and Agrippina, who presumably thought putting aside an emperor’s daughter to marry a former slave was the dumbest thing she’d ever heard of. As such it was encouraged by people like Seneca and Burrus, to lessen Agrippina’s influence. Some of Seneca and Nero’s friends helped run interference. One of them pretended that Acte was his mistress; Nero would slip him presents to pass on to her. There’s a story that Agrippina, desperate to recover her influence, starting trying to get incestuous with her son. Seneca nipped that in the bud by getting Acte, who herself was alarmed by this development, to go tell Nero to please don’t get down and dirty with your mother, it’s gross and the soldiers won’t like it.

You would think she’d be cast in the role of the Grasping Gold-Digging Whore, but that wasn’t the case. The likes of Tacitus regarded her as far better than Poppaea - to them, she was a nice inoffensive girl who knew her place and followed the instructions of good influences. Eventually even Christians began to claim she had been one of them. Why would Nero take so much to this Nice Inoffensive Girl and take so much against Octavia? Romantic chemistry is weird and unpredictable, and that he was never accused of being anywhere near the killing of any of Acte’s family probably helped their relationship. Maybe Acte, the common girl, was supportive of Nero’s artistic endeavors when Octavia, the proper Roman lady, wasn’t.

Being all virtuous and noble doesn’t mean you can’t amass oodles of money, as Seneca can attest (in an age before mass production, he had five hundred identical fancy tables). Nero eventually moved on to Poppaea, but Acte did very well from the affair, and retained her wealth after it ended. There are inscriptions indicating that she owned multiple properties and funded a temple to Ceres (I hear things floating around the Internet about one of those inscriptions being a prayer for Nero to love her again, but haven’t seen any actual source). She would use that wealth after Nero’s death to fund his funeral, presiding with two of his old nurses.

Poppaea Sabina: Nero’s second love and second wife. She was named after her mother, a famous beauty who was driven to suicide by the accusations of Messalina, and took after her in looks. She had red hair, which Nero rhapsodized about and compared to amber - “amber” hair dye became fashionable afterward.

She was married three times. First was to a guy named Rufrius Crispinus, resulting in a son who Nero was accused of having drowned on a fishing trip after her death for supposedly having imperial pretensions (i.e. playing at being the emperor; he was still a kid). Second was to Otho, one of Nero’s buddies who’d helped him with the Acte thing. Third, Nero fell for her and packed Otho off to Lusitania (modern-day Portugal or thereabouts).

All the potential nasty things they didn’t say about Acte? They said them about Poppaea. Josephus is the one historian I know of to have anything nice to say about her; according to him, she was a “God-fearing” woman who sympathized with the Jewish people and influenced Nero to go easy on them. There are claims that she pushed Nero to kill his mother so that he would be free to ditch Octavia and marry her - but, as noted, there was a three-year gap, so if that was the case Nero took his sweet time about it. Then there’s going to extravagant lengths to maintain her beauty i.e. milk baths a la Cleopatra, marrying Otho just so she could get close enough to grab Nero’s attention, and gloating over Octavia’s decapitated head.

She and Nero had a daughter, Claudia Augusta, who died at a few months old (infant mortality’s a bitch). She was pregnant again two years later, at the time of her death. Nero is the prime suspect, being accused of kicking her in the stomach or else jumping on it, possibly after an argument about his time at the chariot races. Modern historians are more inclined to think it was a miscarriage or childbirth complications; if it was childbirth, the child died with her.

At any rate, Nero took her death hard, threw her a grand funeral, and had her declared a goddess. One of the Oxyrhynchus Papyri has a poem of uncertain vintage in which the deified Poppaea is greeted by Aphrodite and reluctantly whisked off to the heavens to be with her children. Later, Nero “took up” with Sporus (a very unfortunate young man who has a whole other sad story) because of his uncanny resemblance to her, and sometimes dressed him in women’s clothes and called him by her name.

Headcanon: Nero, the admirer of Paris, decided she’d rather have a Helen than an Andromache.

Unless Simon Magus had penis-attachment magic, baby Claudia Augusta and the unborn child would have been adopted in that good old Roman tradition. Who was the sperm donor? Otho, perhaps?

Nero would marry a third time, to Statilia Messalina (having her husband bumped off to do it), who survived his fall, was briefly engaged to Otho during his own bid for emperor, and apparently disappeared into obscurity afterward.

---

Anyway, hope some of you were entertained by my rambling.

#fate series #fate/grand order #fgo #nero claudius #headcanon #amateur classics hour #tw child murder #tw abuse #tw incest

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iwanttobeyourwonderwoman · 3 years ago

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DAY 12

Favourite TV Series

Most of my friends think Grey’s Anatomy is my favourite show, but that’s only because it’s still running so I talk and post about it a lot more. But a few of my friends know that my most favourite series is Gilmore Girls.

I actually used to watch parts of the episodes when I was younger like 11 or 12 years old when they used to play on tv and my mum and sisters used to watch it. But at that age I wasn’t really paying attention to the show. We also managed to get the DVD set for a few seasons and once I was done with PSLE in Primary 6 I had a lot more free time so I would sit and watch a few episodes of whatever seasons we had at home. I only stopped because we didn’t have the complete set. But I always remembered the specific scene of the 24 hour dance-athon episode cuz I thought it was such a bizarre idea. Oh and of course the opening song.

Then when we got netflix a couple of years ago, I found it there and one day randomly decided to watch an episode just to reminisce the series. And then I obviously got hooked and I have watched the whole series twice now haha!

What really reeled me into watching the whole series as an adult would be : - The mother daughter relationship that Lorerlai and Rory had. Everyone wants that kind of close-knit relationship full of witty banter. - The whimsical characters, feels like I’d fit right into Stars Hollow. I would love to move there and experience the quaint small town. -Rory’s drive to be the perfect student but having her own unique personality beyond her brains and books. -Rory’s love life, watching her grow as she was with each guy. -Lorelai’s determination to achieve her dreams and raise Rory right. -Lorelai’s wit. Must I explain any further? Oy with the poodles already. -Emily Gilmore having such strange similarities to my own mother HAHA -Watching Luke and Lorelai eventually find their way back to each other, because #meanttobe

Watching any episode instantly makes me feel better and lightens the mood of any situation. I used to come home from work late at night and feel very drained and upset from the day I had at work, and reaching home and turning on the tv always cheered me up. I used to eat dinner while watching it at 1am (by the time I got home from dinner shifts) and by the time I got to the intro song, half my food on the plate would be gone because I’d be famished from not eating all day. And then I’d sing my heart out to the opening song, it’s so iconic and has the perfect choice of clips of the characters. I also love when I have friends who also watch the show so we can talk about it.

I watched Gilmore Girls : A Year In The Life twice too! I liked that they brought back all the fun characters to just have a glimpse of where they all were after so many years. I think all 3 women were going through their own existential/mid life crises kinda thing, but I was obviously glad to see Lorelai still with Luke. Rory obviously facing her own bumps in her career, which just shows that success doesn’t come without the effort. Didn’t like the fact that Rory hung on to Logan when he had a fiancee. Glad that Emily found her own strange calling and retirement job/life. Loved that Jess and Rory had a good friendship till the end. And also the last line, I mean come on who else’s baby could it be. It has to be Logan’s right!!??

So because the show is known to have such eccentric characters with crazy quotes, here are some of my favourites :

- “You jump, I jump Jack” - Rory - “Where have all the anvils gone?” - Lorelai - “People are particularly stupid today, I can't talk to any more of them” -Michelle - "This town is like one big outpatient mental institution." - Christopher - “This thing we're doing here -- me, you -- I just want you know I'm in. I'm all in." -Luke - “58 seats, 62 Koreans!” - The whole town

And the most iconic

“ I smell snow.” -Lorelai

Also to end it off, I just wanna put it out there that I liked all the 3 guys Rory dated and I think they each brought out very different aspects of her throug the whole show till the reboot. I think Dean was the sweetest first love anyone could ever have, I think Jess truly understood her as a person, and Logan was able to show her a very different side and view of life and helped her realise her capabilities.

And at the end of the day, because I’m such a sappy romantic,

I’m #TeamDean

He was such a good boyfriend!! But I would have liked to see her end up with Jess after the reboot.

If you’re out on your road, Feeling lonely, and so cold. All you have to do is Call my name and I’ll be there On the next train. Where you lead, I will follow Anywhere, that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to be with you I will follow, where you lead.

#gituuuu

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myhauntedsalem · 4 years ago

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Ghostly warning: Dead gangster Ma Barker doesn’t want her house moved

He called the newsroom with a warning: They can’t move that house.

“I’m worried something terrible is going to happen,” the man said in a thick New York accent. “I have to warn somebody.”

Then he told me a ghost story.

His name is Donald J. Weiss. He’s a 62-year-old retired police patrolman from upstate New York. He had moved to Ocala several years ago and visited the house where gangster Ma Barker had been killed. He had wanted to see the site of the longest shootout in FBI history: four hours, more than 2,000 bullets.

But when he wandered beneath the live oaks, a voice growled, “Get outta here, lawman!”

And when he took a photo of the front porch, a shadowy figure appeared.

“That woman is still in that house,” he told me. “And she’s pissed.”

He gave the photo to the Marion County Sheriff’s Office because he wanted to enter it into evidence. And because bad things started happening as soon as he had blown up the print. “I had a heart attack,” he said. “You think that’s a coincidence?”

The property has been sold, he told me. County officials want to move the house.

“They have no idea who or what is in there,” Weiss said. “That woman has the power to do a lot of things. We are dealing with the afterworld here.”

I thanked the caller for his concern.

“When are they moving it?” I asked.

He paused, as if to make a point, then said gravely, “By Halloween.”

Reporters get a lot of crazy calls. Many might have dismissed this one. But I knew this house, and so did my photographer friend John Pendygraft.

“Hey John,” I called across the cubicle wall. “Do you remember that story we did on the Ma Barker house?”

John’s eyes got big. “Do you remember what happened?”

Our story four years ago had been about real estate: historic home for sale on nine waterfront acres, eight miles north of the Villages, two hours from Tampa. And about the gangsters who hid out there until the end.

We had toured the four-bedroom house with a Realtor, whose assistant shivered and said, “I get the weirdest feeling when I’m in here.” We had reported rumors about flickering lights and an unsuccessful exorcism.

But we hadn’t written about what had happened to John. Or what he saw when he enlarged one of his pictures.

John has worked in war zones in Afghanistan and the Gaza Strip. He has photographed the dead from an Asian tsunami, a Mexican assassination and Hurricane Katrina. If he ever is scared, he won’t show it.

That fall day in 2012, in the Ma Barker house, he had gone alone into the front bedroom to take pictures through the window, looking out toward the lake where the FBI agents had crouched behind trees.

All of a sudden, John rushed out, cameras, lights, tripod flapping over his shoulders, nearly sliding down the 13 stairs. “I don’t know what happened, or what that was,” he panted. He heard the mattress fall, then saw it, dangling through the bed frame. “I didn’t touch it,” he insisted.

We left that afternoon, as dusk began to descend. From beneath the Spanish moss, John shot a few final frames. The next day, when he zoomed in on his laptop, he saw a strange figure on the screened porch: The silhouette of a stout woman with a bun, who looked like she was holding a machine gun.

Her story starts in Missouri, in 1873. Her parents named her Arizona Donnie Clark. She and a farmhand, George Barker, had four sons. As soon as the boys were grown, her husband left.

Legends vary about Ma Barker’s role in her boys’ gang. Some say she just cooked and cleaned. Others say she was the mastermind.

They began by robbing banks, then murdered a policeman. From 1910 through 1930, they are said to have stolen $2 million. And killed at least 10 people.

The FBI’s first director, J. Edgar Hoover, called them “the worst criminals in the entire country.” Ma Barker became the only woman to top the most wanted list.

In 1934, the gang split and went into hiding. One son fled to Chicago. Ma and her favorite son, baby Freddie, moved to Miami where, posing as a wealthy widow, she asked if anyone knew a secluded spot where she could spend the winter.

Someone introduced her to Carson Bradford, whose family had a lovely home in the center of Florida, on Lake Weir.

The house sounded perfect: fully furnished, set back from the road, with a boat tethered to a dock out back. Ma paid the full season’s rent in cash. Just before Thanksgiving, she moved in with Freddie and a couple of his friends.

In a letter to her son Arthur in Chicago, she drew a map of the lake and circled the closest town, Ocala. She mailed it from Ocklawaha’s little post office.

FBI agents found Arthur the following January, and with him, the letter, which led them to Ma’s hideout.

In the predawn darkness on Jan. 16, 1935, a dozen officers pointed their guns at the upstairs windows. “This is the FBI,” an officer shouted, according to an agency report. “You are surrounded.”

Some say the gun battle lasted as long as six hours.

When it was over, they found Freddie, 32, shot in the back of his head. Ma, 63, was curled on the floor, cradling her Tommy gun. That day, Hoover said, marked “the end of an era of violence.”

For nine months, the corpses lay unclaimed. Finally, a relative moved them closer to home.

But some say Ma still inhabits that two-story, cream-colored house with forest green shutters. The cop on the phone, my friend the photographer, the former and current owner all saw, heard or felt … something.

But how do you report a ghost story?

I started with the Marion County Sheriff’s Office and that “evidence” photo the retired cop mentioned on the phone.

Lt. Dave Redmond remembered some man bringing in the photo, but the deputy hadn’t seen anything in it.

Records only go back to 1990, said department spokeswoman Lauren Lettelier. “But since then, there have been no reports of hauntings at that house.”

I talked to Carson Good, 47, the great-grandson of the man who built the house. He has memories of swimming and sailing in the lake. And of countless sleepless nights, cringing in the dark. “I’m not a big believer of ghosts, but I heard a lot of sounds in that house,” he said. “Voices. Furniture moving. People walking up and down the wooden stairs.”

His grandmother didn’t like to talk about it, but she often heard spirits stirring. Years ago, he said, a psychic from Cassadaga held a seance at the house and convinced the ghost of Freddie Barker to move on. But the medium said Ma refused to move.

Good and his family sold the property for $750,000 and donated the house to the county, which hired a contractor to lift the home off its foundation and float it across Lake Weir to a park called Carney Island. County commissioners allocated $270,000 for the move. Private donations and fundraising will finance the museum.

County tax collector George Albright, who grew up next to the storied house, envisions an homage to the early days of the FBI, as agents set out to capture notorious gangsters like “Baby Face” Nelson, “Pretty Boy” Floyd, Bonnie and Clyde and, of course, the infamous Barker gang.

“We’ve already had calls from people asking about ghost tours. If they want something like that, or to hold seances, we’ll look into that,” said the tax collector, “as a revenue source.”

Some say the gang buried Mason jars filled with cash along the lake. Local children used to spend summers digging for the treasure, but came up with shovels full of sand.

As soon as the home is removed, before the new owner closes on the land, the tax collector plans to bring in a team with ground-penetrating radar to scan the soil.

“Let’s hope she’s a friendly ghost,” he said.

On a gray Wednesday in October, more than 81 years after the shootout, John and I returned to the scene. The house already had been lifted on jacks. The screened porch was gone; workers were carrying out lamps. A true-crime novelist was parked in an SUV, taking pictures.

Like John, he swore he had seen a face in a window.

“I think whatever’s in there doesn’t want us to come in,” said Tony Stewart, who had driven from Indiana to see the house in its original setting. “And it won’t come out.”

We had told the retired cop that we would meet him later. The tax collector didn’t want anyone else at the construction site. But Weiss pulled up in his white Cadillac, quaking in his tassled loafers.

“This is where their bodies were. They dragged ‘em right down this driveway,” said Weiss, clasping his arms across his chest. “She’s not at rest. She will never leave this property.”

He has felt this before, he said. “I sense spirits.”

The first time was in 1992, just before Christmas. He was on patrol in White Plains, N.Y., resting in his car between calls, when he had a vision of a sad teenage boy: long hair, pale, with a pug nose. Two days later, he was sent to a home where a teenage boy had hanged himself. “The same boy I’d seen.”

#Ghostly warning: Dead gangster Ma Barker doesn’t want her house moved #outlaw #paranormal #ghost and hauntings #ghost and spirits

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jacquelinep21 · 5 years ago

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(I wrote this email to my grandmother, aunt, and uncle last week and felt pretty good with how it turned out so decided to publish it here.)

Friday, May 1st, 2020

Coucou !

I’ve been wanting to write you for a while now, I even started a draft and wrote about ¾’s of it, had to stop to make dinner, and then never finished it. Maybe I was overthinking how I wanted to get the writing perfect when I should’ve just sent something to say hello, give you an update, and check-in that all was well with you. Mieux vaut tard que jamais.

How to describe everything and nothing that has happened since mid-March? Both on a personal level and on a “what’s the situation in France” level?

Personally, I’ve been cooking, both familiar recipes, and trying new ones such as Chickpea Curry, Mushroom-Stuffed Eggplant, One-Pan Wine Braised Chicken with Artichoke Hearts, Shakshuka, Spanish Tortilla, Roasted Red Pepper Cheese Toast, Peanut Butter Chile Sauce drizzled over broccoli and rice, Butternut Squash & Shallot Hash w/Poached Eggs, and a couple others. Let me admit, some were successes, others...will have to be adjusted and reattempted. Not to mention there are days when not having a dishwasher gets to be exhausting.

I still have multiple school projects that I have been working on, both group and individual. My classes were already supposed to end mid-April even before this all started, so it didn’t change much and most classes didn’t have any online classes, as the projects were more important and already put in place. I have three more to turn in before grades are due mid-May, and now the first part of my thesis is due one month later, at the end of June. Productivity has been difficult, as there are days that I feel like I need to do things for me, rather than sitting on my computer switching between reading the news and trying to do school work, but I’ve gotten a little better at it. My job, checking guests into apartments, and working in the office, is obviously non-existent, and likely will be until at least September, but because of the government's chômage partiel or temporary/partial unemployment of over 10 million people in France, I’m still getting 90% of my salary, which I am very thankful for.

What I have been doing for pleasure these days is listening to podcasts, my favorite being Spilled Milk, which I discovered in September when I was doing the grape harvest, a comedy show about food recorded in Seattle. I was taking a photograph or two a day with my dad’s 1984 Minolta 35mm film camera but ran out of film and can’t find a viable way to get more. I’ve been reading every day, finished two books so far, and have started a third. We’ve been watching movies and TV shows, such as Breaking Bad, the Jason Bourne trilogies, Charade, Star Wars, and others I’ve put off watching until now. Something I never thought I would do was a virtual dance/fitness classes but they have been a great source of dopamine and just physical movement. There are also weekly video chats with either Benjamin or I’s friends, which has been especially nice when we can reunite multiple time zones all in one call. My friend that works at Politico’s audio department asked if I’d be interested in recording an audio-diary twice a week as part of a project they’re working on of different people’s experiences during lockdown so I’ve been contributing to that (though not sure what’s become of the project so far). The most coincidental thing that has happened to me during confinement is changing the channel on the TV maybe the second week into the lockdown, as the Prime Minister’s press conference was ending (otherwise we hardly ever watch the TV), to a different channel only to see someone that looked vaguely familiar, and then see the street we live on. We soon figured out the people across the street we had seen filming once or twice were making a documentary on the lockdown. I contacted them after we finished watching the episode and they asked if I was interested in being interviewed. So that happened, haha. I don’t believe it’s possible to stream the episode outside of Europe so I’ve included the video here, it’s in English.

There are of course the daily musings outside the window to see what the neighbors across the street are doing or what is happening on the street below. Avenue de Saint-Ouen has calmed since this all began but it still is busier than I would’ve expected, both with cars and people, not resembling photos you may have seen of an eerily empty Paris. Sundays are the exception, when I can almost clearly hear what someone is saying on their balcony across the way, where the joggers' loud steps hitting the pavement echoes as they try to reach home before their 10am curfew, and the church bells ring telling us the time. The typical characters I can see on their balconies every day include the bald man that drinks his cup of coffee while smoking his morning cigarette, the retired man on the top floor that tends to his potted herbs that dangle over the balcony railing, or his neighbors that have two young boys that run back and forth. The weather has been clearer than any Parisian spring I’ve seen and the temperatures even got to the high 70’s last week but have now dropped and the clouds are back. We are allowed to walk for up to one hour within a 1km radius of our address, as long as we have a form, now available to download on our phones, filled out, otherwise there can be fines, though I have only seen police officers stop people twice.

So what is the situation in France right now? As of Thursday night, 24,376 people have died from Covid-19 in France, 26,283 people are currently hospitalized (551 less than the day before) and 4,019 are in the ICU (188 less than the day before). On May 11th, the lockdown will be lifted to a certain extent, but many restrictions will still be in place. Starting May 7th each département, kind of like a county, will either be classified red or green, depending on multiple factors, and this can change the severity of the rules after May 11th. Preschools, elementary schools, and daycares can reopen, on a voluntary basis by each family, so those in need that cannot do online learning and depend on the meals can return to school under certain hygiene measures. Public transportation will increase slightly but not back to the normal frequency, masks will be obligatory, every other seat must be left empty, employeurs are encouraged the adjust hours of employees that have to return to work to avoid rush hour, and that those not commuting to and from work should avoid public transportation during these hours. We will be able to leave the house without filling out a form, as long as it’s less than 100km from our address. Farther than this (62 miles) we will need to have a legitimate reason, such as professional or imperative family needs. No meetings, private or public, of more than ten people. Individual sports any time of day (currently in Paris jogging isn’t permitted between 10am and 7pm) but no team sports. Libraries and small museums may reopen while abiding by hygiene procedures. Parks may reopen but if considered dangerous, such as in Paris, they may remain closed. Most businesses can reopen, except restaurants, bars, cafés, large museums, movie theaters, concert venues, or theaters, while controlling the number of people in the business and customers may be turned away if they aren’t wearing a mask. Farmers markets may reopen as well. Malls may or may not reopen, depending on their size. Working from home is still strongly encouraged. The government hopes to test 700,000 people a week, though who can get tested isn’t clear. If you test positive you must self isolate for 14 days either at your residence or an allocated hotel, and teams of people will attempt to get in contact with those who may have been infected by said persons to get tested. An app is also in development to track this but is also highly controversial and will have to be voted on by parliament. Masks will be distributed by employeurs, by schools, to nonprofits for those in need, social action centers, and La Poste has set up a website where they can be bought, the government paying for part of the costs. The second phase in which things could change is June 2nd.

Voilà, I think that’s everything. I would love to hear from you when you can write back. Miss you and thinking of you.

Love,

Melissa

P.S. Some recent Articles/Blogs/Newsletters/Podcasts that are Paris related:

David Lebovitz's May 2020 Newsletter

When Cookies Fly and Other Tales of Staying Entertained During Quarantine

Lettre Recommandé: Notes from France by Lauren Collins

Podcast: Documenting confinement in Paris, checking in with the French psyche, May Day history (interview with the couple making the documentary that I was featured in briefly among other interesting things.)

The New Paris Podcast: Paris in Confinement

The Earful Tower Podcast: What does Paris look like in lockdown? (he has recorded several episodes about what has been going on, this is just a more recent one, light-hearted)

The Street That Still Offers Paris Hope

Denuded of Tourists, Paris Reveals Its Old Beating Heart

France 24's English Coverage of the France Lockdown (a great news outlet in English with a more French perspective of whats going on in France with articles and videos)

#spring 2020 #a letter from France #a letter from Paris #my personal writing #melissa ann #jacquelinep21 #quarantine cooking #recipes #may 11th #may 2020 #podcasts #Spilled Milk podcast #Paris #paris in confinement #confinement journal #lockdown life #le 11 mai #an american in paris

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vernonfielding · 5 years ago

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The lies, the secrets

Story No. 3 of my Season 7 Countdown Project! Also: I’m still taking prompts for future missing scene fics.

Summary: “My time undercover in the mafia was actually kind of lame. I mean, I wanted it to be badass, but I'm good at computers, so I mostly just helped them switch over from AOL.”

The story of how Jake became the mafia’s IT guy. Takes place during Undercover. (Read on AO3.)

What he doesn’t tell any of them, after he’s back, is that going undercover with the mafia is mostly just- really lonely.

Jake spends most of the first week alone in the crappy one-bedroom the FBI hooked him up with in Bushwick, waiting for one of the Ianuccis to get in touch. At night he lies awake on his mattress on the floor, mustard-yellow streetlight glaring through the grimy bedroom windows, and thinks that he’s already failed his assignment, that he couldn’t pass himself off as a disgraced cop for even one night. (The irony does not escape him.)

Then a guy calls Jake’s burner at 3 in the afternoon on the sixth day, and he introduces himself as Derek and says he’s downstairs. It’s now or never. Jakes takes a deep breath and blows it out hard, then steels himself and heads down. By the end of the week, he’s got a pierced ear and a gold-chain necklace and a cigar burn on the back of his neck, just below the collar of his new silk shirt. Years ago, before he’d gotten into the Academy, Jake had thought about getting a tattoo (“yippee ki yay” in calligraphy, very classy) in that spot and he’s grateful now that Gina talked him out of it. The burn was an initiation, and it didn’t hurt as much as he’d thought it would, but the scab is itchy and sometimes when he thinks of the smell of it he gets a little nauseated.

Leo Iannuci sends him out with Derek on a couple of jobs – mostly picking up cash from people they’re extorting from, but sometimes they’re the ones making the threats and Jake hates that part, hates it so much. Derek’s a nice guy, an Academy dropout who seems to shed his tough-guy attitude with his velour jacket every time they leave a bodega or laundromat or some other business where he’s had to smack someone around. Derek always does the hitting, never makes Jake do it, and Jake can’t decide if it’s because he likes the violence or if he just senses that Jake really, really doesn’t.

Either way, he’s grateful, and he has to keep himself from feeling too much fondness for Derek just because he protects Jake from the dirty work. Jake’s gotten that talk from the FBI: It’s natural to think you’re making friends, making connections, they’d said. But you’re not. Don’t ever forget that. Jake is always, always on his own.

About a month in, Jake is at Leo’s penthouse in Flushing, reeking of cologne that one of the Sals had doused him in while another Sal held him down, when Leo swears loudly and slaps the side of his computer, a rickety old desktop with a fan that sounds like it’s working triple-time.

“Motherfucker, it won’t let me fucking update!” Leo slams his fist down on top of the harddrive.

Jake looks around the room but everyone else suddenly seems to have important business on their phones, so he approaches Leo and says, “What’s the problem?”

Leo snarls at the computer. “I had to add some new clients to the ledger and now this son of a bitch won’t save the changes.”

Le’s “clients” could mean extortion victims or dirty cops or assassins-for-hire or any or all of the above. Jake hasn’t seen the ledger yet – he wasn’t actually sure there was one before this moment.

“You want some help?” he says, casually.

Leo finally turns his glare to Jake, staring him down long enough that Jake has to fight to keep from shifting on his feet and curling his hands into fists. “You any good with this shit?” Leo says.

Jake shrugs. “Yeah, I know computers.”

“All right, have at it,” Leo says, and gets up from the desk.

Jake sits, and Leo grips his shoulders, sudden and fast, fingers digging hard enough to bruise. And then just as suddenly he’s let go. He stays behind Jake, though, watching him click through open windows to find the source of the problem. It doesn’t take long.

“You’re using AOL,” Jake says. His voice sounds a little strangled to his own ears.

“Yeah, I guess,” Leo says. “So what?”

“So that’s your problem,” Jake says.

Jake’s definitely not an expert at computers, but he’s always had an affinity for the basics and it only takes him a few minutes to fix the immediate problem – an outdated file type that the desktop won’t recognize anymore. Jake saves the document, which, infuriatingly, is a table someone made in Microsoft Works. It’s so horrifically formatted that Jake can’t help but imagine the devastating stroke that Amy would suffer if she even knew it existed. She would seriously start bleeding out of her eyes.

Later that night, Jake smokes his first full cigar and convinces Leo to let him move all of their documents to a Google drive. By the end of his first full month undercover, Jake’s become the mob’s IT guy. It’s exactly as dope as it sounds. (It’s not remotely dope.)

+++

It takes him a couple of weeks to transfer everything to the cloud; he has to carefully rebuild all of the ledgers in proper spreadsheets. Leo assigns one of the Sals to keep an eye on him, but after the first hour Sal gets bored and retires to the couch to play Kwazy Cupcakes on his phone (the sound effects touch off a profound homesickness that Jake tries his best to ignore). So Jake has no trouble copying the ledgers onto a thumb drive that he later passes on to his handler. It’s almost all the evidence they need. Then it’s just a matter of waiting for the FBI to get its teams in place, to mark the right time and place to take down the biggest targets.

Jake does a few more jobs with Derek, and he just misses getting sent on a drug run that ends in a shootout and two of Iannuci’s guys in the hospital (Jake was back at Leo’s penthouse trying to figure out why his computer suddenly refused to talk to his printer). He knows he’s dodging literal bullets, but that doesn’t mean he sleeps well at night, or that his nervous system doesn’t light up like a Christmas tree every time someone racks a gun near him (which is pretty much all the time – mafia guys love cleaning their weapons).

Jake ends up giving a seminar to half a dozen Iannuci men (plus two women) on file encryption and two-step authentication and he feels a little guilty for teaching the mob how to evade hackers – some of whom will surely be cops – but weirdly, he’s starting to get bored, and he figures none of them are going to remember any of his lessons anyway.

The night before Marco and Angie’s wedding, Jake gets super drunk with a bunch of the guys and he sings “The Longest Time” with Derek, slopping rye whiskey all over their polyester shirts. The next day Jake’s going home. But that night, for the first time in 62 days, he forgets to be lonely.

End Notes:

Title is from Feed the Beast (Bash Brothers).

I know there is a lot of mafia-Jake fic, and that this take is not like the others. But I always thought Jake’s comment to Pimento about what he really did undercover was interesting and worth exploring. I don’t think it means the job wasn’t dangerous or super stressful for Jake, though my version is probably less so than some of the more violent takes some writers have offered (which are just as valid!).

I couldn’t decide if this story should be considered a missing scene for Undercover or Adrian Pimento. It fit better here for obvious reasons, but the revelation is in the later episode. But really, it doesn’t actually matter.

My darling beta @fezzle wisely pointed out that Jake the Computer Wizard doesn’t exactly fit with what we learn about him in Ticking Clocks. My solution/answer to this is that Jake is actually pretty good with day-to-day computer stuff (there’s quite a bit of evidence of this in canon – or at least, evidence that he’s not BAD with computers), but hacking-level stuff is way over his head. That’s why he starts Ticking Clocks full of bluster with the so-called security expert and then eventually has to admit he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Unfortunately, what he actually says is “I don’t know anything about computers.” That could be the writers just forgetting their own canon, but I choose to believe that it actually fits just fine with Jake’s “I’m good at computers” in Adrian Pimento. It’s all about context!

#b99 fic #b99 season 7 countdown project #missing scene #undercover #jake peralta #mafia jake

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agentnico · 5 years ago

Text

The Irishman (2019) Review

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”

Plot: Frank "The Irishman" Sheeran is a man with a lot on his mind. The former labor union high official and hitman, learned to kill serving in Italy during the Second World War. He now looks back on his life and the hits that defined his mob career, maintaining connections with the Bufalino crime family. In particular, the part he claims to have played in the disappearance of his life-long friend, Jimmy Hoffa, the former president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, who mysteriously vanished in late July 1975 at the age of 62.

Netflix has released arguably it’s biggest motion picture to-date, both financially and artistically, costing over $140 million (oh my!) and starring the likes of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino and being directed by none other than Martin Scorsese himself. Getting back into the mobster genre, Scorsese has a lot of fun bringing together this acting legends, and the film is at its best when it allows these stars to simply sit together in a room and talk. In fact, some of the best moments within the film come from scenes shared between De Niro and Joe Pesci (returning from retirement for this role no less!) as they chew on the dialogue and scenery and it really just makes you think that these actors won’t live forever, and how lucky we are to see them still do what they do best now and in such a fantastic way. Joe Pesci especially does something new by not being the desperado he usually is in his other films, and rather playing the sharp-witted quiet sensible guy and he’s absolutely electric on-screen. Al Pacino is at his most Al Pacino-est, and appearances by Harvey Keitel and Ray Romano are more than welcome. The latter especially impressed me, having to stand up side by side with these legends and managing to still bring his A-game. What makes The Irishman work is its stars. This is some of the year’s best acting work and so I expect a few of these fellas taking over the Oscars ceremony.

There’s also the element of using new de-aging technology to make the likes of De Niro and Pesci look younger (and consequently even older and more ancient) and I must say that generally it does work and is an impressive feat. There are a couple of shots where the CGI on their faces is obvious (a quick flashback with De Niro’s Frank during his soldier days really stands out) and then there is also the fact that they can de-age these actors’ faces all they want, but they can’t change the fact that the way their bodies move is the way 70 year old men’s bodies move. And this can lead to some scenes looking a bit dodgy/awkward and takes you out a little from the experience of movie magic.

The Irishman has been critically acclaimed by both critics and fans, and has already won Best Film at the 2019 New York Film Critics Circle Awards, however I might disappoint some by saying that I think this film is a tad over-rated and and overwhelming. It’s a bit too much, spanning over 3 hours with some scenes that could definitely have been cut, and then there is also the fact that this movie cannot help but live in the shadow of the likes of The Godfather and Scorsese’s own Goodfellas. Yes, I feel like I might get a lot of hate for that last statement, but heck, I’m a maverick. Yeah, I’m unstoppable! Come at me, bro! I can say whatever I want, this is the internet, the place for cat memes and endless news reports from The Guardian about Boris Johnson being, well, Boris Johnson. That’s a whole different conversation, let’s not get into that. Getting back on track, The Irishman has a lot to offer in terms of enjoyment, and it is obviously filmed immaculately due to Scorsese being a master of his craft, but I cannot lie, after hearing all the critical ravings I kind of expected something more better, memorable and unique. Instead we’ve gotten yet another fairly decent mob-flick on our hands that is boosted by some fantastic acting work. Alright, that’s it, Nico out!

Overall score: 6/10

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misfit-among-the-angels · 5 years ago

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Ah I love so many of those cute questions! And I know you like stuff to distract you, so how about you answer all of them? 😘 Can be in batches or all at once.

I hope you are talking about these questions c:

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?I don’t eat cereal tbh

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?YES! I loove cold, especially when it’s all snowy around, then I feel so alive!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?I have two bookmarks so I don’t use any other objects as bookmarks

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?I take my tea with two spoons of sugar and sometimes with milk if it’s black tea

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?Oh hell yea, I hate my smile most of the time

6: do you keep plants?Nope, I’m not much into keeping plans

7: do you name your plants?Nope

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?I used to write... Now i barely use any artistic stuff to express them :/

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?Nope

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?I sleep on back and on my both sides

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?Oh, I had so many that are now dead because I don’t talk to them anymore. One of them was naming my bag after Janick (lol). That there is one where we call Richard Kruspe Diva, this is such an old inside joke that usually I’m not even saying his name, just saying Diva.

12: what’s your favorite planet?Saturn probably

13: what’s something that made you smile today?That Tobi post on facebook

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?Oh it would be messy but with so many posters all around since we both love them

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!Mercury is still shrinking

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?Idk, I just love every kind of pasta

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?I’d love to try black and maybe turquoise

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.Me talking only about Rammstein for 5 hours straight and my best friend had to listen to that and he did. I still say sorry every time we remember that

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I have my travel journal where I write about every trip I went to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?Green and brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.Oh that’s got to be my red backpack. She’s been to almost every trip I went to since probably 2016. She is old but she is the best one but soon it’s gonna be the time for her to retire

22: are you a morning person?Hell no

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?Sleep

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?Maybe my best friend, I mean he already know probably every secret I had

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?I haven’t broken into any place

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?Maybe my New rock boots?? I mean idk

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?Spearmint

28: sunrise or sunset?Sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?She used to make necklaces and make it as a birthday gift. I still have two necklaces that she made for me as a gift and I still wear them and I still love them

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?Oh yea

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.Socks are cool and I love them, only that I usually forget to buy them and then I’m like “damn it, I’d love some nice socks to this outfit but I don’t have any..”

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.I think it was 2015 summer and I was totally drunk with my best friend, we were both fangirling/fanboying over Tobi and I remember he did something really hot and sexy - he poured some whiskey on my neck and licked it. Idk if he remembers that but my gods, I still can remember that and yea lol

33: what’s your fave pastry?Pies, cakes, buns of various kinds

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?It was a big pink sheep, I loved it so much because it was so cute and big and yea. I don’t think I named it. Idk, I hope my mother didn’t throw it away

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?I don’t really use them, tho I have one for when I’m writing

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?Danheim and Wardruna

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?Totally messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves!This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I really hate those fans who are like “I’m gonna die if I won’t be in a first row and I’ll do absolutely EVERYTHING to be there”. Yes, I get them and yes we all live being in a first row but man, those fans are so damn annoying. Like sure, I always try to be in a first row but I don’t bitch if I’m not

39: what color do you wear the most?Black, bit of red and blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?My Mjolnir necklace. Well my old one was missing and till this day I haven’t found it so I bought the one I have now and well, it’s my amulet so it means a lot to me

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?Good omens by Terry Pratchett‎ and ‎Neil Gaiman

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!I don’t really have favorite one

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?This makes me sad because I never did that

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?Last autumn when I was in Krakow

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?I dunno

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.I’m so bad and thinking of puns tbh

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?Beetroot soup

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?Darkness. Oh no, I loooove darkness now

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?YES, I love it. Last ones were the newest Rammstein album and Wardruna - Runaljod - Ragnarok

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?I don’t think I collect any odd things

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?Sooner than now by Sin cos tan

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?I don’t think I have any???

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?I’ve seen Beetlejuice and Pulp fiction and I love both of them

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?Me

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?Cry

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?The way they talk about something they are passionate about, the way they blush or try to be modest

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?I always have goosebumps when listening to it and yes I do sing along

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?Group of friends? hahah, it’s so bold to assume that I have a group of friends..

59: what’s your favorite myth?I love the myth of Ragnarok

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?Nope, I don’t like it

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?Can’t remember in both cases tbh

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?I don’t drink juice in the morning

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?I try to keep them organized

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?Dark but almost clear with few clouds

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?YES

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?Maybe something like this

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?I dunno, sometimes I love it sometimes I don’t

68: what’s winter like where you live?We used to have cool snowy winters

69: what are your favorite board games?Monopoly

70: have you ever used a ouija board?Nope

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?Black

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?I guess, never thought about this much

73: what are some of your worst habits?Being lazy, kinda being hot head

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.Smart, pretty, tall, has a good heart, funny, serious, helpful, has their own strong opinion about a lot of things, stubborn

75: tell us about your pets!I don’t have any :/

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?I dunno, maybe

77: pink or yellow lemonade?Neither

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?Neither

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?My best friend giving me a nickname which happened to be the one I use a lot now

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?It’s creamy color, well I had a small voice of choosing them but I’m okay with them

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.Oh no, I suck at describing stuff like this

82: are/were you good in school?Noo, I was sooo bad in school

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?Yep, I have so many plans for them. I’m still planning on getting more band/lyric related tattoos, also Tolkien one and the one with wolf and triquetra

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?I tried to get into reading them but I can’t buy any of them here and I hate reading them online

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?Yep, well basically all Avantasia albums lol

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?The Matrix, Kill Bill, Intouchables, Wild tales, The legend of 1900, Scent of a woman, Wag the dog

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?Idk

89: are you close to your parents?Not really

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.Krakow. The city that feels home to me, not only because it holds so much history of Lithuania but also because there is something about it that I just can’t describe... As my dad said it is a king city and it feels so, Krakow has a Wavel castle and so many other ancient buildings, maybe that’s why I love it so much. Even it seems that the life in it goes bit differently from any other cities, but from small Old town streets to Jewish district and to beautiful cemeteries everything makes me so happy there.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?I do plan to travel to Poland, then to Czech republic and then to Germany

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?Cheese, yes I love myself a lot of cheese on my pasta

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?I don’t have any other hairstyles other than the one I have in all my pictures

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?My best friend

95: what are your plans for this weekend?Don’t have any

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?It depends on my mood

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?ENFP, libra and i have no idea of my hogwarts house and I don’t really care

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?Last autumn, yes, I love hiking

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Far From Heaven by Battle beast Dancing With The Beast by Battle beast So Good It Hurts by Lord of the lost Harvest by NightwishRunaway train by Avantasia Hoffnung by Doro I Wish by Battle beast Traust by Heilung Serpentine by Pretty maids Ich weiß es nicht by Lindemann

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?Definitely past, because I have so many mistakes to fix and so many moments to relive

Thank you and sorry if my answers suck

#anon #answered

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freespiritdani · 5 years ago

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Okay, @freespiritdani, I wanna see how brave you are... The ASK ME STUFF list. All of them except the first one and the last one. Love ya lots, Mom.

Braver than you think, dear daughter!

You should know be better than that, you’ve known me all your life....

Here goes:

2: Age -39

3: 3 Fears - flying, heights, snakes

4: 3 things I love - motorcycles, horses, being and living in the country

5: 4 turns on - intelligence, smile, heart, laughter

6: 4 turns off - body hair not on the scalp, bad hygiene, the male of the species, arrogance

7: My best friend - @cherokeesapphicangel

8: Sexual orientation - lesbian and proud of it

9: My best first date - November 7, 2005, with the woman who would eventually become my world and my wife

10: How tall am I - 5′4″

11: What do I miss - things I’m no longer allowed to do post-heart attack

12: What time were I born - 6:12 AM

13: Favourite color - bright red

14: Do I have a crush - does my wife count?

15: Favourite quote - “Love is too beautiful to be hidden in a closet.”

16: Favourite place - at home, on the sofa, curled up next to my precious Angel

17: Favourite food - sushi

18: Do I use sarcasm - Now whatever gave you that idea? (in other words, yes)

19: What am I listening to right now - my precious Angel’s heartbeat

20: First thing I notice in new person - body language

21: Shoe size - 7

22: Eye color - chocolate brown

23: Hair color - black, no dyes.

24: Favourite style of clothing - “provocative”

25: Ever done a prank call? - yes

(where, perchance, is #26? LOL)S

27: Meaning behind my URL - I’m a free spirit.

28: Favourite movie - Hoodwinked!

29: Favourite song - “Niki Nana (We Are One)”, Yanni

30: Favourite band - don’t really have one

31: How I feel right now - very happy and content

32: Someone I love - my precious Angel (my wife)

33: My current relationship status - happily married

34: My relationship with my parents - they’re deceased (Mom in 2001, Dad in 2019)

35: Favourite holiday - Halloween

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - yes, classified (intimate)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - Also classified (same reason)

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Choices fandom

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - you could say that....

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - from my daughters

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - How the hell do I know? I have no clue who you last texted!

42: When did I last hold hands? - right now

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - anywhere from 2 minutes to an hour

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - uh, yeah!

45: Where am I right now? - lying in bed with my wife, all cuddled up

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - the mortician

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - yes

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - I’m alive and they’re not, so I’m going with “no”

49: Am I excited for anything? - Yes

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Yes. My brother.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Whenever I meet an asshole that’s going out of his/her way to be annoying

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - a few minutes ago.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Not gonna happen

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - yes

55: What is something I disliked about today? - went by too quickly

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Oh dear god, that list is too long to whittle it down to just one LOL

57: What do I think about most? - a toss up between cooking for my wife and sex with my wife

58: What’s my strangest talent? - strange to whom?

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I repeat, strange to whom?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Behind, if a camera must be involved at all.

61: What was the last lie I told? - that I had totally given up drinking about 8 months before I really did

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - neither

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and Yes

64: Do I believe in magic? - Yes

65: Do I believe in luck? - Yes

66: What’s the weather like right now? - cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - Cover to cover? The Rite by Jennifer Bene

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? No

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Yes, many, most of them not polite.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - Numerous in a car accident in 2018, most serious of which was a punctured lung

71: Do I spend money or save it? Spend. That’s why Angel is in charge of the money LOL

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? Whose tongue? With my own tongue, no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? *devilish grin* Yes there is....

74: Favourite animal? - Eagle

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - cumming

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - Artrip

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - “Show Me How You Burlesque”, Christina Aguilera

78: How can you win my heart? - (my wife already did LOL), show me you care about me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - “Here lies a girl whose only crutch/Was loving one woman just a little too much”

80: What is my favorite word? - kitten

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - not without their permission

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - “If your religion causes you to be a bigot, something is wrong with your religion”

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - No

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - healing

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - If something happened to your wife and she died, how well would you take it?”

86: What is my current desktop picture? - See picture above question 2

87: Had sex? - Yes, as often as possible

88: Bought condoms? - no

89: Gotten pregnant? -Yes

90: Failed a class?- No

91: Kissed a boy? - Yes, unfortunately.

92: Kissed a girl? - Yes, and I liked it

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Yes

94: Had job? - Still have job

95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - Not that I’m aware of

97: Had sex in public? - Yes, more than once

98: Played on a sports team? - Yes

99: Smoked weed? - Yes

100: Did drugs? - Yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? - Yes

102: Drank alcohol? - Yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - HELL no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? No

106: Been to a wedding? Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

109: Been outside my home country? Yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112: Broken a bone? Yes

113: Cut myself? Intentionally, no. Accidentally, yes

114: Been to prom? Yes

115: Been in airplane? Yes, once, when I was 8 years old. Had to be sedated because I panicked big time

116: Fly by helicopter? If being life flighted from an accident scene to the nearest hospital counts, then yes.

117: What concerts have I been to? Yanni, Christina Aguilera, Melissa Etheridge

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? DUH, I’m lesbian! My crushes by definition are Lesbian

119: Learned another language? Yes

120: Wore make up? Yes

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yes

122: Had oral sex? Yes

123: Dyed my hair? No

124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yes

126: Had a surgery? Yes

127: Met someone famous? Yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

129: Peed outside? Yes

130: Been fishing? Yes

131: Helped with charity? Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? Yes

133: Broken a mirror? Yes

134: What do I want for birthday? To be with family, especially my wife

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Already have them, Marti and Staci

136: Was I named after anyone? First name, no. Middle name, my maternal grandmother

137: Do I like my handwriting? no

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? my teddy bear

139: Favourite Tv Show? Mythbusters (off the air now)

140: Where do I want to live when older? Where I live now

141: Play any musical instrument? Piano, violin, harp, didgeridoo

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Heart surgery

143: Favourite pizza toping? Pineapple (sue me)

144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

145: Am I afraid of heights? Deathly afraid

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes to both

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yes

148: What I’m really bad at - Taking credit for anything

149: What my greatest achievments are - raising 2 amazing daughters

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “The only thing you’ll ever amount to is being a pretty cum dumpster”

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery - retire

152: What do I like about myself - my body

153: My closest Tumblr friend - my sister

154: Something I fantasise about - not being so short

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going-full-shmoo · 5 years ago

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1-26

...I’m not sure if you mean just answer all of them...I hope that’s it because I did it anyway! Thank you anon!

1. Favorite Hockey Team

I love the Ducks and the Avalanche the most, but there are a lot of teams that I love!

2. Least Favorite Hockey Team

Blackhawks, Blues, and Kings. Hate em. Can’t stand em at all.

3. Favorite Player

Brandon Montour and Tyson Jost! Also, John Gibson holds a special place in my heart as the most elite goalie in the league.

4. Least Favorite Player

Oh fuck where do I begin...both Kanes, Bitchington, Duchene....I’ll stop there.

5. If I were stranded on a island with a player who would it be and why?.

Idk, probably someone like Colton Parayko or Chris Krieder because they are both smart and seem to have some decent survival skills?

6. If I could spend the rest of my life being best friends with any player who would it be and why?

Oh so many...can I just say, like, all of the Avs?

7. You’re able to meet any player you want for a day and could do whatever what’s the first thing you would do? and what’s the last thing you would do?

Just fucking die, on the spot. That’s the first thing. I’m a basic bitch with a brand so Imma say Tyson Jost. Idk, maybe take him to a coffee shop and just sit and talk? That’s the way I really get to know people. Last thing? I’m thinking Disney trip.

8. What player would you want to tweet you and why?

My tweets are stupid so none of them? I have been replied to and had some tweets liked by the Avs twitter though!

9. Favorite Number on a player?

If this is jersey number, 36, 62, and 17...y’all know.

10. Favorite Brothers?

As pesky as they are, the Tkachuk brothers. They’re memorable. What can I say!

11. Favorite Hockey Movie?

Mighty Ducks like the true basic bitch I am

12. Favorite thing about Hockey?

The hits...the feeling of exhilaration when your team scores a goal...the fans going batshit when someone does something dumb on the jumbotron...many things!

13. First NHL Game?

Ah fuck my memory is bad. It was a Ducks game back in 2017-2018? It wasn’t horribly long ago

14. First AHL Game?

I actually have not been to an AHL game yet. I’d like to go to one soon! I have been to an ECHL game a VERY long time ago when I was a kid. It was for the Long Beach Ice Dogs! They no longer exist, but thats how Jaroslav Halak got to be an NHL goalie!

15. If you could become a season ticket holder for one-five teams who would it be and why?

If I had to chose, and if I had money and time to do it, I’d go for the Ducks. If I lived in Colorado, definitely the Avalanche

16. Who do you think would be the first player on Tumblr?

Any of the really young players...In terms of pure memes and shitposting, idk why my mind went straight to either Josty or Nolan Patrick

17. Favorite Bromance?

Nols and Teeks, Josty and JT, Boeser and Petey, to name a few

18. Favorite Coach?

Torts...but also Brind’amour.

19. Favorite Nickname?

There are some fucking great ones out there...Gary, Snackary, Captain America, Chubbs, Rotisserie Chicken, Huggy Bear, Baby Gronk, Squidney...yeah

20. What’s one thing you hate about watching a game?

Fans booing the goalie. Hate that. Looking at you Preds fans...Also the refs.

21. What’s one thing you love?

I have a hockey puck that I got from a Sabre at the Ducks vs. Sabres game earlier in the season? That’s something I love!

22. If you could Meet,Become Best Friends with,Interview or Hug any player who would it be?

Already answered!

23. If you met one of your favorite players or team what would be the first thing you tell them?

“I’m proud of you!” or something like that.

24. Favorite Retired Player?

LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU (Roberto Luongo)

25. Favorite Rookie?

Already answered!

26. How did you get started with Hockey?

My mom, brother, and I made a pact when my parents first got divorced that every year the three of us would try a new thing together. Back in 2017, we decided it was time to try hockey! So, we bought tickets to a Ducks game, up in the nosebleeds, bought shirts...and we went! Everything just kind of grew from there. Now I’m the resident hockey nerd in my house.

#asks

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doodlewash · 5 years ago

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My name is Carolyn Breen Morton, but I have gone by the nickname “Charlie” since about 4 years of age. I am 62 and a retired teacher from Barrie, Ontario, Canada. Art has always been part of my life, but like many artists, I felt at times that I lacked talent and imagination. My husband’s advice, “Draw every day and you will get where you want to go.” He was right.

I have followed the urban sketching movement for a few years and knew that this was the art form that interested me most. I started to sketch architecture a few years ago. My art is posted on Instagram and Pinterest and clearly shows my progression from very tight and controlled, to looser and more whimsical. I draw every day if possible and my motivation comes from several places.

I want to improve and consistently change my style. I love what I do but always feel that there is lots more inside of me. I want my family to see that anything can be accomplished, at any stage of life. I want to record life as I see it for my grandchildren.

My collection will be theirs one day and I have already started to teach them the value of artistic expression. This portable, passive, visual journaling is a wonderful skill to carry with you through life!

Favorite Art Supplies

I love Fabriano and Arches paper, 140 lb cold pressed, when I am working on detailed sketches. I will try out rough ideas on absolutely any paper that will hold paint, therefore my sketchbook collection is varied and formidable. I find that my style changes slightly, depending on the size of paper I use so I often cut it into different sizes for variety. My favourite size is 8” x 10”.

When I use a sketchbook, it is most often a Stillman and Birn Beta series. I find the paper to be good quality and it will hold up to lots of glazing and washes. It comes in an 8” x 10” format which is large enough yet portable.

I seldom plan anything with pencil as I find drawing in ink both challenging and exciting. If I make a mistake, I just work with it. I use a Lamy fountain pen with an extra fine nib and waterproof ink and also Sakura Pigma Micron pens in every size. Sakura’s calligraphy pens work wonderfully when shading large areas.

I am a bit of a paint junkie. Schmincke is my absolute favourite but I also use M. Graham and Daniel Smith.

My brushes are always synthetic (due to personal beliefs) and I love my Escoda round #6 and #12. Big brushes bring whimsy to a painting and I will often use nothing but a #12 round, even for the detail. I don’t worry about staying in the lines. I heard an artist once say, “Always use the biggest brush you can.” and that advice really works for me and my style.

Finally, I love to collect what I call props. I collect small die-cast British cars. I sketch a lot of British architecture and never feel that I have to be completely true to the scene.

I will sketch in one of my cars at exactly the angle I want. I also have a die-cast scooter and phone booth that come in handy as detail pieces. My props collection is growing as I am now looking for bicycles, dogs and mailboxes.

Some Tips That Really Helped Me

• Watch and read everything you can about the type of art that you want to produce. For me, the internet is rich with urban sketching classes, posts, groups and meetups.

• Try to avoid straight lines and it will bring whimsy and happiness into your sketches. Things a little crooked work wonderfully

• Draw what you love! I cannot lie… I love a good pub in England and have had lots of personal experiences in them so many of my sketches are pubs. Old architecture fascinates me so I draw lots of houses, shops, churches, and restaurants. Most places that I sketch I have visited, but certainly not all.

• Don’t worry about what your ‘style’ is. It will emerge all by itself. You take little things from other artists and make them your own. You have ideas in the middle of the night and can’t wait to incorporate them first thing in the morning. You start to look at the world in a whole new light and notice things that you really want to draw or add to an existing sketch.

• Forget the rules. Draw from photos, on location, or from imagination. It doesn’t matter. You will get very proficient in getting what is in your head onto the paper. Buy good supplies but don’t be afraid to sketch on a napkin in a coffee shop. In the end, just sit down and make some art and you will amaze yourself. It is in us all!

Prints will be available in the spring of 2020. Follow me on Instagram for further details.

Charlie (Carolyn) Breen Instagram Pinterest

GUEST ARTIST: "Happily Addicted To Daily Art" By Charlie (Carolyn) Breen - #doodlewash #WorldWatercolorGroup #watercolour #watercolor #usk My name is Carolyn Breen Morton, but I have gone by the nickname “Charlie” since about 4 years of age.

#WorldWatercolorGroup #canada #doodlewash #drawing #featured #illustration #painting #sketching #Urban Sketchers #Urban Sketching #watercolor #watercolour

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mizmahlia · 5 years ago

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Get to know me uncomfortably well!

I was tagged by my sis @donaldpiercesbae . Thanks, my dear. I loved your answers!!

1. What’s your middle name?

It rhymes with ‘bae’.

2. How old are you?

Older than a lot of folks around here, I reckon. (Mid-thirties.)

3. When is your birthday?

January the 26th

4. What’s your zodiac sign?

Aquarius. I’m stubborn, rebellious, and quirky.

5. What’s your favourite colour?

Clover green.

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don’t have one- I’ve never been superstitious in that capacity.

7. Do you have any pets?

I have a cat who’s a bit of an asshole named Oliver, who I love to pieces. And three days from now, I’ll be picking up a puppy. It’ll be almost six months to the day I suddenly lost my Milo.

8. Where are you from?

The United States of Dysfunction

9. How tall are you?

5’6” / 1.68 m

10. What shoe size are you?

I’m an 8.5 / 41-42

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Uh… it’s more than two dozen, but less than three dozen, I think.

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember my dreams, unfortunately.

13. What talents do you have?

Procrastination, I can talk to pretty much anyone, I can play video games longer than is healthy, and I can sorta write.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Not in the slightest and I am totally okay with that.

15. Favourite song?

None of Your Business by Salt N Pepa, Alone Together by Fall Out Boy, Broken by Lifehouse, Creep by Clint Mansell/Eliot Sumner

16. Favourite movie?

I can’t think of just one at the moment; but if it’s got Batman (or his friends/family) in it, it’s safe to say it’s on my list.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone I’m comfortable sharing my nerdy hobbies with, who can communicate, and who isn’t content with life as-is. (That means he wants to explore, try new things, strives to be a better person than he was yesterday, etc) To be cheesy, I want a partner in crime.

18. Do you want children?

Yes, but being 35 and having been single for 5+ years, I’m scared I’m running out of time.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

As someone who’s been married (and sadly, is divorced), I’ll be the first to tell you the venue isn’t nearly as important as people like to make you think it is. If I do it again, I’ll probably not do so in a church.

20. Are you religious?

No, but I consider myself a Christian.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

I’ve been there as a visitor many times, but as a patient, thankfully I’ve only ever been to the emergency room.

22. Have you ever gotten in trouble with the law?

Nope! But I used to get rides home after cross country practices in the back of my friend’s mom’s police car.

23. Have you met any celebrities?

Yep! Karen Gillan, Richard Speight Jr, Sebastian Roche, Hugh Grant, Johan Santana (MLB pitcher), EJ Henderson (NFL player)

24. Baths or showers?

I love me a hot bath, but it’s usually a shower.

25. What colour of socks are you wearing?

I’m barefoot whenever possible, like right now.

26. Have you ever been famous?

LOL nope

27. What type of music do you like?

Just about anything!

28. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Only in my bathtub

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. I have a neck problem, so I have a specific pillow I need to sleep with.

31. What position do you sleep in?

Curled up on my side.

32. How big is your house?

Three bedrooms, two floors, and an awesome living room.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Coffee and a granola or protein bar.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Several, and I honestly don’t see how/why it’s fun,.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, but I’m certainly no Roy Harper.

36. Favourite clean word?

Shenanigans

37. Favourite swear word?

Fuck and all of its derivatives

38. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

30 hours, I think? 0/10, do not recommend.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Nope, and I’m okay with that. I find it a little creepy.

41. Are you a good liar?

Better than I have a right to be, and it bothers me.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I think so, but then again, based on past experiences, I’m utterly terrible.

43. Can you do any other accents than your own?

I can do the stereotypical Minnesota one, though a lot of us don’t talk that way. But I’m terrible at trying to imitate accents, so no.

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I’ve been told by quite a few people I don’t sound like I’m from Minnesota. Make of that what you will. :)

45. What’s your favourite accent?

Irish, by far. I love that accent so much.

46. What is your personality type?

I don’t have a favorite type, but I generally prefer those who aren’t judgmental, arrogant assholes.

47. What’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

My wedding dress. It’s ludicrous how much they cost, and you wear it once.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

I certainly can!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

A pierced innie.

50. Left of right handed?

Right-handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Is water wet?

52. Favourite food?

Peanut butter

53. Favourite foreign food?

Authentic Italian, not like the crap they call Italian here.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m somewhere in between. I’m clean, but somewhat disorganized.

55. Most used phrase?

“What the hell?”

56. Most used word?

“Damnit.”

57. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on the occasion- for more important things or when I want to go through all my steps, about an hour and fifteen minutes because I have long, thick hair. For class every day, about 15 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I seriously hope not, but I’m not the best judge of that.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Neither because I don’t like lollipops.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the freakin’ time.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

In my car every day!

62. Are you a good singer?

Nope, but since I’m the only one who hears it, that’s okay!

63. Biggest fear?

Losing my parents or being alone for the rest of my life.

64. Are you a gossip?

I try not to be because gossip never helps anything or anyone.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

L.A. Confidential.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I like short hair, but I love long hair.

67. Can you name all 50 states in America?

I should hope so, since I live in the country.

68. Favourite school subject?

A tie between anatomy and microbiology.

69. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert with some extroverted qualities.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous?

Dentist appointments, waiting around at the starting line of a race I’ve never run before, flying.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

If it’s somewhere unfamiliar, sort of. Otherwise, no.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends on the mistake and the person.

74. Are you ticklish?

Everywhere and I absolutely hate it.

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

Not that I know of, no.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Several times and every time, I’ve hated it. I’m more comfortable as a worker bee, not the queen of the hive.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

LOL yes. My hometown had little to do other than that.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Nothing that wasn’t prescribed. I’ve never been curious enough to try any.

79. Who was your first real crush?

A boy named Davey (his name is David) when I was a kid. He’s a year younger than me and loved Batman, riding bikes, and wanted to be a Navy fighter pilot. He had these gorgeous blue eyes and almost black hair.

80. How many piercings do you have?

Three, but that will likely increase at some time.

81. Can you roll your R’s?

I should hope so; I studied Spanish for almost a decade.

82. How fast can you type?

According to a typing test I just took: 83 words/minute.

83. How fast can you run?

LOL not fast. Right now, I’d be lucky to break 9:30/mile.

84. What colour is your hair?

Medium brown with some grown-out balayage.

85. What colour are your eyes?

Like about 2% of the population, they’re green.

86. What are you allergic to?

Stupidity.

I recently developed an allergy to something, but I’m still trying to figure out what. I blame a trip to the state of Kansas.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I don’t, but I should. It really helped me work things out when I didn’t want to talk to someone.

88. What do your parents do?

They both still work, though I wish they would/could retire.

89. Do you like your age?

For the most part, yeah. I hated myself in my 20’s, but my 30’s have been so much better.

90. What makes you angry?

Intolerance, rude behavior, the Green Bay Packers, and the New York Yankees.

91. Do you like your own name?

Of course! It’s not a super common name.

92. Have you already thought about baby names? And if so, what are they?

I admit I have, but I’m not gonna share them.

93. Do you want a boy or girl for a child?

I’d like a healthy kid, plain and simple. Gender doesn’t matter.

94. What are your strengths?

I’m stubborn, persistent, and empathetic.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I’m stubborn, persistent, and empathetic.

96. How did you get your name?

A family friend’s first name is Molly and I got my aunt’s middle name.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I know of or care.

98. Do you have any scars?

Physical or emotional?

99. Colour of your bedspread?

100. Colour of your room?

Plain ‘ol white.

I tag @rolodexthoughts . :)

#About Me #personal stuff

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mooneyed-kid · 5 years ago

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Hey dude, do all of them.

1. What is you middle name?

I used to be super secretive about it for some reason, but it’s Kate.

2. How old are you?

3. When is your birthday?

July 4th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Cancer

5. What is your favorite color?

Blue

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

Boy do I. Five dogs, three cats, and two guinea pigs!

8. Where are you from?

Pennsylvania

9. How tall are you?

5’2”

10. What shoe size are you?

8 1/2

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Maybe 6?

12. What was your last dream about?

I dreamed I almost got into a car accident because I fell asleep driving

13. What talents do you have?

Making everything more difficult than it needs to be, and making cats love me

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I guess

15. Favorite song?

Oof I have so many. Loving on Hozier and the Wonder Years currently

16. Favorite movie?

It’s so hard for me to pick one. The last one I really enjoyed was Black Panther

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone patient and kind and sitting on the couch with me right now

18. Do you want children?

Probably someday. Not anytime soon

19. Do you want a church wedding?

No. Even if I did, I doubt I’m welcome lmao

20. Are you religious?

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

For myself, a handful of times. But I take my partner to the hospital at least once a year

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I don’t think so

24. Baths or showers?

I love both, but I take showers more often.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any

26. Have you ever been famous?

Not even a little bit

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

In theory it sounds cool. But I hate talking to people and having my picture taken so probably not

28. What type of music do you like?

Pop punk, alternative, and indie

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nah

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

At least two. Ideally as many as I can fit on the bed

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Curled up on my side. Sometimes on my stomach with my arms at my sides like a log

32. How big is your house?

Moderately large, but it’s not mine

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Medication and coffee

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but it looks fun!

36. Favorite clean word?

Bean

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck, obviously

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Without any sleep, a little over 24 hours. But I’ve slept less than three hours a night for weeks at a time

39. Do you have any scars?

A few, yeah

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not in a long time, but yes

41. Are you a good liar?

It depends who I’m lying to

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Oh absolutely. My first impressions are pretty solid

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

British probably. But I’m sure it’s very bad lmao

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t think so. Sometimes I can hear the Pennsylvania in certain words but it’s rare

45. What is your favorite accent?

Irish, by far

46. What is your personality type?

My Meyers-Briggs type is INFJ. I’m very introverted, intuitive, and empathetic.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Not necessarily clothing, but probably my work boots

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Barely

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

Left handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Oh yeah

52. Favorite food?

Ramen, or pretty much any noodle soup

53. Favorite foreign food?

Again, ramen. Or maybe sushi

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m so messy.

55. Most used phrased?

“Come the fuck on”

56. Most used word?

Bean! I call my partner bean all day

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

If I have to shower, probably 45 minutes or an hour

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t like to think I do, but I probably do

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

I suck on them until they’re soft enough to bite into

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Constantly. Or I talk to my animals if they’re around

61. Do you sing to yourself?

When I’m alone

62. Are you a good singer?

Mediocre, probably. I can carry a tune

63. Biggest Fear?

Probably losing loved ones

64. Are you a gossip?

Only with certain people

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

None recently.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I like both. My hair is short right now, but I’m trying to grow the top out and keep an undercut

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Sure

68. Favorite school subject?

English and Art

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Absolutely an introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, it sounds terrifying

71. What makes you nervous?

Literally everything lmao

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Depends on where I am

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Only if they’re important to get right.

74. Are you ticklish?

Extremely

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

I don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yeah, I’ve been in charge of people at work before

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Of course

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Yes

79. Who was your first real crush?

Hard to say. Looking back, it was probably my best friend from elementary school

80. How many piercings do you have?

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Not even a little

82. How fast can you type?

I can type fast, but not accurately

83. How fast can you run?

Oh man, not fast

84. What color is your hair?

Sandy blonde

85. What color is your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Latex, pollen, and dust

87. Do you keep a journal?

I’m trying to. Doing a bad job of it though

88. What do your parents do?

My mom is a country club receptionist, and my dad is retired. He was a postal carrier though

89. Do you like your age?

Nobody likes you when you’re 23 (I’ll show myself out)

90. What makes you angry?

Rude and disrespectful people

91. Do you like your own name?

I don’t really think it fits me

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I’m a writer, of course I have a million baby names saved. I’ve been thinking about the name Desiree a lot lately

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I don’t care

94. What are you strengths?

I can read a room as soon as I walk in, and I’m a great listener

95. What are your weaknesses?

I hate change and I can’t make decisions

96. How did you get your name?

I have a great aunt with my name, but my parents told me they just chose the name because they liked it

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Probably not

98. Do you have any scars?

A few, yeah

99. Color of your bedspread?

Navy blue

100. Color of your room?

Beige

#ask #ask game #long post

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