#most of the time i will hyperfocus on it for a couple weeks until its like 80% done and then drop it for months or more | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mcrmadness · 4 years ago

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I’m just wondering about ADHD again and how the doctors here say that there’s no need for testing me for ADHD because I had “no signs of ADHD in my childhood”. Well, I was born in 1991. The whole terminology and the knowledge over ADHD was different back then.

I was talking about this with my mom a couple of days ago and she said that I had troubles with homework - not that I would have not understood them, I just had such a hard time focusing on them. She said that she constantly had to remind me that I need to focus on the homework and not draw doodles or do other stuff. She sais she asked even from the school how deal with a child who cannot focus on their homework and from school they just said “Make sure the table is completely empty so there is no distractions.” but my mom told them “Do you really think that helps? All they need is a piece or paper and a pencil.” and those were the tools I had - my school books and pencil. I didn’t need distractions on the table in order to get distracted from homework.

She then also said that back then no one even talked about ADHD. It was still known as MBD aka Minimal Brain Dysfunction Syndrome and since I was not “stupid” and definitely did not show signs of learning/developmental disabilities - in fact I was learning faster than other kids - there was no need to worry about this syndrome. (Nowadays it’s apparently removed from the Finnish list but can still be used as an umbrella term for things like ADHD etc.)

I was trying to google this term now, to understand when was the term replaced by “ADHD”. I only found that this was done in the US already in the late 80s but I could not find anything about Finland, but I know for sure that what comes to things like mental disorders and neurodiversity, Finland has always been running late when compared to e.g. the US... I could only find some sort of Finnish ontology and thesaurus website and it says that the article about MBD was created in 1986, but the article about ADHD only in 2000. That would mean I was 9 years old (and my social anxiety and selective mutism were starting to really grow), and ADHD was still considered very much the “disorder of hyperactive boys”. This website does not even know the term ADD so I have no clue when did they start using it for the first time (in Finland). I just know that my sister got the diagnose along with an Asperger’s Syndrome somewhere in the mid 2000s. Now I’m starting to feel like I want to go find some old books about psychiatry just to see when did they start talking about ADHD and ADD in Finland and how did they describe it as BEFORE they discovered it exists also in girls (and since I’m afab, I most likely have the inattentive version), because this is just driving me so crazy.

I just... I don’t know. I just feel stupid because why is it me who needs to read about the history of psychiatry? Shouldn’t it be the psychiatrists doing so? But I do wonder what would he say if I went to him and really said that “no wonder they never suspected AD(H)D in me as a child when the term literally did not exists in Finland yet”. I just feel like I need to start writing down something like a book about my experiences. Collect EVERYTHING I can find that I have written over the past 15 years in the internet and copypaste them into a file and print this out to him. My brain just empties itself when I’m supposed to talk to a doctor but then I just face these things in everydaylife 24/7. And he just wants to give me antidepressants for anxiety. Okay, he did offer me occupational therapy too but I am afraid that it will just... kill my creativity again. I mean, look at my “timetable” for one week if we think I’d have a random person visit me once a week, let’s say e.g. on Tuesdays:

Monday: Nothing - the resting day after weekend aka no way I’m gonna get anything done. Know that there will be occupational therapy next day - don’t get anything done because mentally trying to prepare yourself for that. Tuesday: Hypothetical occupational therapy. Not possible to get anything done beforehand. Afterwards you’re so tired and the day is done so just sit around the flat and feel like going crazy from bored but be unable to do anything because TIRED. Wednesday: Nothing - the resting day after the therapy. The next day is a grocery store day. Start mentally preparing for that. Can’t do shit because of that. Thursday: Grocery store day. Can’t do shit before or after. Before because can’t start anything in case unable to stop in time - and when having to force a hyperfocus to stop when it’s not stopped on its own, it makes me so irritable and absent minded because can’t think of anything else but that one thing I was hyperfocusing on. Friday: Nothing - rest day after grocery store day. Mentally prepare for the weekend on which I usually always visit my parents on both days. They live in the same city, just less than 2km away but I still can’t start anything before that really, and I come back home so late I won’t be able to do much. Weekend: Visit parents on both days.

And then repeat. So when am I gonna draw? Edit videos? Write? I always do the creative things at night because PEACE and because my brain just works better at nighttime - ALWAYS has. I even found a diary entry I had written when I was 13 or 14 and I had been fighting with my parents because I always did my homework so late and my dad didn’t understand that, and I was then screaming in my diary that they just don’t understand that I am not ABLE to do my homework earlier than in the evening/at night, it’s just not possible to do them right after school.

Already now as I have about 3-4 free days in a week, sometimes even 5, I feel like I need more free time from my free time. I’m constantly thinking about how I want to do this and that, like I want to draw, write, edit videos, write... they are on the top of my mind 24/7 but still it takes weeks or months to get anything started. I just wrote about this yesterday that I feel like I have two moods: either too little time AND energy or too much time but a plenty of energy. There’s no in between. Now I am lucky to have too much time for myself but it also means I have all the time in my hands so I can always procrastinate and do everything the next day because I have time. Which means I won’t do shit, because I have no deadlines, and I start doing those things only when everything lines up perfectly. It’s never a decision to take my sketchbook and start drawing. It’s more of an impulse - I just feel like now it’s the day for drawing and suddenly find myself holding the papers and pencils in my hand.

Same happens with chores, chores just never make me feel good unlike doing one of these fun things. Oh and chores are also something that will make it hard to do the fun things because I kinda... don’t let myself start doing the fun things if I have the not-so-fun things undone. Which means again procrastinating and postponing something like dishes for days. I am not sure where have I got this mentality. Because like... wouldn’t it be a lot smarter to let myself to draw instead when I KNOW I can’t start doing the dishes, instead of punishing myself with “no washing dishes, so no drawing either”? Because as a punishment it does nothing. It does not motivate me with the dishes. They will be there for days or weeks anyway and they will be done only when I get that impulse to finally do them. Or, usually it’s not an impulse even. It’s just me needing food and in order to get food, I need to cook and in order to cook, I need clean pots and pans and in order to get those, well, I need to do the dishes.

I think this mentality partially comes from my school time. I aways knew how to prioritise my homework so that I get them done the most efficiently I could. Which meant that I always made the less-interesting homework first and the homework from subjects I liked, the last. I did this because when I started with the stuff I had harder time focusing on, it made it easier to focus on the interesting stuff. If I had started with the interesting stuff, I’d have had a lot less concentration and energy left for the less interesting homework and the chances of understanding a word of what I read would have been very minimal.

I still pretty much use this with everything I do - work first, fun later. I guess for neurotypicals this is not a big deal and probably something they all do, but my brain really wants to do the fun first and the work never. (By work for myself I mean things like chores etc. When I was actually working, it actually went: work first, fun never - because I was so tired after work I could not do anything that involved brains.) If I start with the fun, I literally will never do the work part. So I have to have the work first, even when it means I will procrastinate with EVERYTHING else too. But that is the only way to get it done at least at some point. It’s just that I feel like my life is nothing but work. I always have to shower, do the dishes, clean the kitchen table or start cooking. (Let alone the rest of the stuff like cleaning the HOME.) It’s a neverending worksite. I barely have time for fun because I don’t let myself to do that because the work is not done yet. But it just... never ends.

I think the reason why I hate chores is because no matter how many times I do them, I still always have to do them again soon. I shower, but I need to shower again in a few days. So it feels like it’s a waste of energy and time! Why to shower now when I have to do that after a couple of days anyway??? I do the dishes but there they will be again in a few days as I keep eating from them! Washing a plate after every use is also not an option - then “it’s just one plate” so it’s easy to put it in the sink because it’s not a big deal to wash it with other plates after a couple of days. Until it’s been 2 weeks and there’s again the rest of my plates in there and I hate my life again because I never remember how much washing the dishes also makes my back hurt but I need clean utensils because food.

But when I create something or play a video game, there is always a finish line and once you get past that, you don’t need to start over UNLESS you want to! When I draw something and it’s finished, it will stay like that! It’s not going anywhere, it won’t fade, I don’t need to draw it ever again if I don’t want to! So it’s not waste of my time, it’s something that will last almost forever. And I love the dopamine rush I get when I look at a finished product, but I don’t have the dopamine rush when I look at my cabinet with clean plates because I know they won’t stay like that forever. They won’t stay like that even for a few days. And that literally kills my motivation with every chore I need to do.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #adhd #adhd inattentive #long post

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dragonstoravens · 4 years ago

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Babylon Vol. 1: Accidents Happen, Never Too Late for a Disaster

[ID: a blue patterned banner with text reading “BABYLON.” End ID.]

(These are the final two chapters of Babylon book 1! After this we’re going to take a break until after the new year, and pick up posting book 2 then. Keep an eye out for updates, enjoy any holidays you may celebrate and whatever time off you may get either way, and I hope you enjoy the culmination of One Entire Book Of Dumbasses.)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @charlottedotexe @glitterandstarshine @rainbowcoloreddays @the-starlight-chills @erased-in-stone

General: @elywritesbydarkness @residentofthedisc @humour-and-hyperfocus @skyfirewrites @viawrites-andacts

22. Accidents Happen

A little laugh wasn’t usually too much to pay to buy some time to not have to talk. Azure smiled at the scrawny balding man to her left and leaned back into Trinity as far as she could without bumping him, trying as hard as she could to not make it obvious she did not actually find him funny really at all. Trinity was funny. Trinity made jokes and had wit galore. Trinity could single-handedly make her break character in less than three words. This man had none of that, and his voice sounded a little bit like a dying frog to boot. She flashed another smile and gave another carefully crafted titter before reaching her hand to touch the carafe of water on the table. Coincidentally, it was at the same moment Trinity did the same.

Their hands brushed past each other, her small calloused hand meeting his larger, softer one for just a moment as they each sought the glass. Azure felt a jolt up her arm, followed by the now-familiar burn of blood rising to her cheeks. She’d held his hand before, fingers intertwined as they entered an event or clasped gingerly in a dance. There was something foreign about touching him casually and without planning or forethought. Something she just hadn’t quite gotten used to yet. Every move had been executed with all intentions known from the start, every touch had purpose and use. The cheek kisses were marking territory and the hand holding was to keep her from getting lost in the sea of people. Linking arms was for showing her off to mothers with too many children and a hand on the small of her back or her hip was to keep the lechers off her when she wasn’t busy keeping the harpies off him.

It didn’t help much that if she wasn’t careful to know when she was about to have physical contact and what kind and for how long, it made her nigh-useless. Perry had one time accidentally snuck up on her-- she’d been distracted with something-- and began playing with her hair. She’d become so jumpy the rest of that day she’d needed a sedative from Pthalo to sleep. She didn’t want to know what that would do to her if it was Trinity, the way she’d been lately. She likely wouldn’t sleep for a week. Her productivity in the workshop would grind to a halt.

She glanced up at him, the strong jawline and the green eyes that beckoned her to never look away. She then immediately looked away, not wanting to broadcast her emotions on her face, and retracted her hand, nudging the carafe to his hand from the opposite side. She focused on everything but his hand, how smooth and soft she knew it was when it was laced with hers. The blush on her cheeks remained mild, nearly unnoticeable. Somewhere nearby someone told a joke, and she faked another laugh. Trinity poured her more water. She nodded in appreciation. She wanted to hold his hand. She’d probably get to later, on the way through the throngs of humanity to get to the car.

The thought soothed her, knowing that in the future she’d know exactly what would happen. The events always followed the same pattern, one that she could predict and plan for. She could fake this if she knew when it would happen, could swallow the leaping of her heart and the daydreaming. She might even be able to fake her way out of the feelings, train herself to never think about the implications of tucking her head neatly in the crook of his neck while they danced so she could whisper under the music, or the gentle smile he gave her to reassure her when she got nervous at the beginning of every dinner. She could ignore them and bury them until they died. She only saw Trinity once a month, maybe twice at absolute most if there was an update or maintenance he needed. Plenty of time in between to forget she’d ever had a feeling to begin with and return to that beloved state of platonic understanding.

She sipped her water, glancing at him again from the side, satisfied with her plan. As long as these things remained single nights at a time with space between, she could smother this feeling easily. Toss herself into work right afterwards every time. He hated these things still, and he’d never WANT to go to one overnight even if an opportunity did present itself. Yes, she thought, setting her glass down, I’m safe from that. Safe from seeing his face as he slept and witnessing him getting ready for bed. She could have shivered at the idea. That would throw a wrench in the whole thing.

Good thing she was absolutely certain she would never have to worry about it.

23. Never Too Late For A Disaster

“It’s an overnight trip. Four days, I think-- over a whole weekend.”

Azure could practically hear his gritted teeth and consternated expression through the phone. The phone call was strange enough on its own-- She and Trinity usually texted, or did a video chat. If they called, she was almost always the one to initiate it. She could hear his footsteps pacing back and forth as he continued. “And it’s important. I was asked to go to this one directly by my employer. He won’t be attending, but I have business to take care of.” That would explain the stress in his voice. “It shouldn’t be anything you have to worry about. Any danger we can handle. But… it’s also a couples only event, which is why I haven’t been before. I mean couples only in the sense of we’re going to be one of the few pairs there who aren’t engaged or married. Camilla and I have been together long enough to get invited, but…”

On the other end of the line, Trinity was struggling to find the right words. After all this time, he felt like he was right back at the beginning, asking his friend to go with him to one of these stupid things in the first place. It still felt a little like he was taking advantage of her kindness for some sort of overdone closeness that he was missing, using her friendship for something more. It itched at him, churning in his chest. “We’re going to have to sell it. More than usual.”

At the mere mention of an overnight trip, Azure’s mouth went dry. She found herself grateful that he’d called but wishing desperately he’d texted so that she had time to make a joke or something. She wanted so badly to not want to go, to laugh at it and tease him for not having a better option than her this whole time, but instead she was, of all the terrible terrible feelings in the world, excited.

And then he said they’d have to sell it, and she was worried again. About his reputation and her poor defenseless heart. She sighed, more exhausted than she intended to sound.

“We have no option, huh?” Her voice was clipped, pitched higher than usual. He recognized it: she was nervous as all hell. “Four days? As in overnight three times?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry. I can find a way around-- maybe I can still do it alone. Or I can find a way to handle my business besides on the cruise. He can’t argue if the work still gets done…”

Her dumbass heart still hadn’t gotten with the program her brain was trying to send out, and she spoke before she could think. “I mean listen, what’s a weekend cruise in the name of keepin’ your boss off your back?” The answer was the fact that she was now absolutely screwed and needed a new “get over Trinity before he figured her out and never spoke to her again” plan because this was not going to help. God, and it was a cruise? The thought of all that water made her cringe, knowing full well she’d be spooked half to death the whole time. But there was no way she could let him go it alone. There was resignation in her voice, tinged with something else. Frustration, maybe? “It’ll be fine, I’ll sit in your lap once or twice and pretend to plant one on ya or somethin’ and it’ll be squared away right as rain. If it’s all gooey couples they’ll be too busy thinking about each other to pay too much attention to us.”

“S-sure.” In his living room, Trinity finally managed to stop pacing, forcing himself to agree with her. He wasn’t about to objectify his friend just at the thought of spending a few nights together and cuddling a bit in public, he told himself sternly. He just hoped that somehow, maybe, there’d be two beds in whatever little suite they were given on the ship. Or at least a couch. “Well, if you’re sure… I’m sure your brother will be delighted to outfit us for that whole time. I’ll come to pick you up at the end of the week?”

Azure nearly dropped her receiver. That was not enough time for her to convince herself that this would not be a big deal. Her tongue felt like it took up her entire mouth. It was already Tuesday. “He loves a deadline. I’ll tell him to keep it kind of casual, I’m sure he’ll still find a way to expose my whole ass instead of just most of it to the entire boat anyway though.” She managed to inject her joke with the appropriate cheerful tone, but the idea of her being nearly naked in that high-fashion way and Trinity perceiving her with his real, actual eyes at the same time made her feel a sickly sweet sort of nervous. She had told him how she felt about the high slits her brother always cut into her gowns. It was a staple at this point, the signature that said it had been made especially for her. Crim claimed it made her look taller. She claimed he was an asshole. They were both right.

The bit about swimsuits caught Trinity off guard somehow, though it really should have been obvious. This was a cruise, and yes, that’s how swimsuits tended to work. And that’s what she was planning to sit on his lap with. No wonder she sounded nervous. She was leered at enough at these events, she must be worried about what people would do-- what even he might be thinking. He hated the idea of himself becoming part of the problem, making an already difficult situation even harder for his friend just because she was pretty. “Don’t worry. I’m the one who’s asking you to go, so I’m not going ask you to do anything that makes you any more uncomfortable. You can always borrow a shirt of mine if your brother’s designs are a little... too much.” Or too little.

She could hear him trying to be helpful, trying to reassure her in that practical way he did where he offered a solution to the problem he thought he was perceiving right as soon as he saw it. It would have worked, if that charming little solution didn’t make the war tattoo in her chest speed up even further, the battle between her heart wanting and her head screaming only getting more chaotic. His shirt. On her body. Probably with the fucking smell still on it? No, no thank you, she wanted to live at least another month or two.

“...Azzy?” She said nothing. Trinity cleared his throat. “Az? Are you still there?”

She squeaked, unaware she’d zoned out trying to remember that citrusy smell that hung around him. “Sorry, sorry, I was just tryin’ to think about how hard I should knock Crim on his ass if he makes even half an attempt at somethin’ nude ‘n sheer again,” she lied, “Thanks for the offer. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, I see.” Trinity frowned-- he wasn’t completely convinced. Then again, it wasn’t really any of his business what she thought about when they didn’t have the comms in. Just because Azzy was a truly bad liar didn’t mean he had to call her on it every time, especially not when she was this nervous. She liked her privacy. No need to invade it further. “So… Thursday, then?”

“Sure thing. I’ll see you Thursday. L-”, She caught herself, cheeks flaring. Love you, bye was not the appropriate sign off. “-ater, bye!”

They hung up near simultaneously, and planets apart, rested their heads in their hands with twin groans. Somehow, they could both see the writing on the wall-- things were about to get a lot more complicated.

#wip: babylon #writeblr #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #chapter update

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lesbeet · 4 years ago

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not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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captainillogical · 5 years ago

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Devil’s Ballroom Ch.8

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

(i’m sorry. i have terrible chapter pacing skills so the next one will be the last, not this one. thanks for all of ur patience p: )

Immediately you accidentally elbow Alex in the face as you try to get out of his grip, and he yells out in pain and drops you onto the ground.

"Wait! SPINEL!" You shout and run towards the direction she went, but you don’t see her anywhere. "SPINEL!!!" You shout again, eyes frantically roaming in every direction around for her, a couple of people stop to stare at you. She’s much faster than you, and could be leagues away by now.

You can't believe she would just run like that, without explanation. She was staring at you and Alex like.. did she seriously think that you and Alex.. oh god. She thought you were with Alex.

Okay. You try not to panic as you stand there, awkwardly. You feel a hand on your shoulder.

"What the hell was that?" Alex says beside you. You can't speak for a moment, and when you do, your voice comes out hoarse.

"Er.. I think some horrible misunderstanding just happened." You say, defeated. You look up at him, and you're trying to not be visibly upset. He looks down at you, and makes a face.

"That was her? She could've said hi, sheesh.. she even left cookies here." He shrugs, looking at the spilled cookies on the ground.

"Dude. How are you so fucking stupid." You say, nearly about to smack him again. He gives you a confused look. "Are you shitting me? She came to give me those cookies in thanks for yesterday, and what does she see? You kissing all over my face."

He still gives you a blank look.

"Ohhhh my god. You are such a fucking moron." You retort, staring at him for several solid seconds until a look of sudden realization hits his facial expressions.

“Oh. OHHHHHHHHHHHH.” He covers his mouth, and has the audacity to look mortified.

“Yeah.” You cross your arms. “Thanks for that.”

“I uh.. man, I just wanted some Y/N love, I’m sorry. I just got so carried away.”

“I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m like, romantically involved with you.. Oh god what if she thinks I like men?” You cover your face in your hands, groaning into them. “I never told her that I liked just girls..”

“You told her about your crush on Harper though? What about that?” He raises his eyebrows in question.

“Yeah but I never told her about any of the other shit, and I haven’t exactly like.. given her any signals..”

“But you flirt with her all the time! And she flirts back! I know, because you’ve told me everything, multiple times.” He bends down and scoops up the container, and picks up the cookies and places them all back inside.

“Alex, I really hate to break this to you, but girls flirt with each other all the time. Most of the time, it’s over compliments, and sometimes it SEEMS genuine, but really, they’re just being nice.” You say. “Unless you’re super bold, with girls you basically have to be frank with them about your feelings and intentions for them to realize you’re serious. I myself prefer to kinda be sure that the other person likes me back, before I stick my neck out, you know? Because getting the ‘Oh, I thought we were just friends’ shit fucking hurts.”

“I’m pretty sure she likes you, dude.” He says to you like you’re an idiot.

“I’m not so sure about that.” You say, because you refuse to believe anything unless the cold hard facts are slapping you in the face.

“For someone so smart, how are you so stupid?” He sniffs one of the cookies, and looks like he’s contemplating taking a bite. You scoff. “You know what? Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter. My point is, even I can tell she likes you.”

"Coming from you, that means nothing to me." He immediately looks up, completely offended. “What? I mean, seriously. Do I have to remind you of all of our middle school and high school years? That should explain itself.”

“Okay when you put it that way, YEAH, I was stupid, but this is different. This is me absorbing someone ELSE’S love life, and even I’m not that much of a fool.” He sighs, and mournfully tosses the cookies into the bin closest to you. “I think you need to like, give her a call or something and explain yourself. She looked really upset.”

“Yeah, I..” You pause for a second to pick your screwdriver back up. You don’t even want to work anymore. “You’re right. I’m just nervous.”

“Just do it before you overthink it.” He replies.

“Ugh, okay.” You pull out your phone, swipe over to your contacts, and press the call button on Spinel’s name. Immediately, it goes to voicemail.

Of course.

You leave a voicemail for her to call you back as soon as she hears this, and you also shoot her a text.

“She’s not answering.” You say.

“Of course she’s not, I mean, I wouldn’t either. Give her a while and try again later, she probably just needs some time.” He says, and also pulls out his phone, typing something on it real quick. “Also, give me a minute, mom needs to call me about something for tomorrow.” He steps a couple feet away from you to take the call.

You stare at your phone, and for the first time in a long time, you really don’t know what to fucking do other than just stand there. What if she’s so upset, she never talks to you again? Will she give you a chance to hear you out? And are you ready to talk about your feelings with her?

Lord.

You haven’t really thought about them too much yourself, if you’re going to be honest. You’ve been keeping this all super casual in your mind, because it feels irrational to grow feelings for someone this quickly, considering you’ve known her for less than 2 weeks. But.. you admit, the more you push the thoughts away, the more you understand that you might like her a lot more than you originally considered, and denying them will just cause you issues like that one time when you were 19.

You sigh out loud. Off to the side you can hear Alex arguing with his mother about some errands she wants him to run tomorrow, and for a brief moment you consider just going home, but then remember that not even Mr. Smiley can cover the rest of the shift. You have a good two hours left, you can survive, hopefully. You make yourself busy with fixing the part you were previously working on - but you’re having a hard time concentrating. After a couple minutes, Alex taps on the side of the wall, and you peek your head out to look at him.

“Look, I hate to do this to you right now, but mom wants me to go grab a few things from her office, and pick up an order from the print place before it closes.” He pushes his curly dark hair out of his eyes, half leaning on the wall next to you. “I can probably be back by the time you’re done with your shift.”

“Hmm.. alright.” You mumble, trying to keep your mind on more positive things. He leans closer to you, stretches out his arm, and pokes you on the cheek.

“Don’t hyperfocus on this. Shit will be fine, you just gotta give her some time to get back to you, okay hun?” He gives your cheek a little love smack and stands straight, heading out already. You watch him go.

“Super easy for you to say..” You say to yourself, and busy your hands.

Most of the rest of the shift passes quietly, and you receive no messages from anyone. You hate that you can’t do anything, not really, so you send Spinel another text. She still hasn’t seen the other one, and it’s been nearly two hours.

Y/N: Can we talk? Please.

You aren’t in the mood to text anyone else, so you put your phone back into your pocket, and start all of your closing duties. The next twenty minutes goes by in a heartbeat, the crowds of tourists long since dissipated. There isn’t a lot to do. Once you clock out and grab your things from the breakroom, you feel your phone vibrate so you pull it out quickly to see who it is. You try and fail not to feel disappointed that it’s just Alex.

Alex: she wrapped me up in some other shit so like, im runnin hella late

Alex: im sorry

Alex: its gonna be a while, ill let you know when im done and ill just come over to ur place

Alex: if thats ok

You type out a couple replies to him, and sigh out loud. It’s for the best really. You don’t exactly want him to talk to you about all this stuff right now anyway. You head out, lock up the place, and walk in the general direction of your home.

By the time you’re home and settled, Alex has given you an update, and it’s been nearly four hours since you saw Spinel with no response. You’re seriously starting to worry, because she’s never not replied to your messages like this. You go to send her another text, and realize that she still hasn’t opened any of your messages. You send her another inquiry, and pop up your chat with Steven.

Y/N: Steven.

Y/N: I need you to answer asap.

You see that he’s online, and you wait for an answer. It only takes him a minute or two to get back to you.

Steven: Hey Y/N, what’s up?

Y/N: Have you talked to Spinel in the last couple of hours?

Steven: Not since this morning, why?

Y/N: Can you call her just to check up on her? I’m worried about something.

Steven: Yeah hold on.

You wait for several long minutes for him to get back to you.

Steven: Her phone’s just going to voicemail, which is pretty weird. Maybe she accidentally let it die? I’ll let you know when she answers back.

Steven: Are you guys okay?

Y/N: Uhh, I’ll get back to you on that.

Steven: Hmm, okay.

You go to lay on your couch face down, and scream into the cushions.

Apparently you fall asleep that way, because the next thing you know, you have to peel your drool covered face off the couch cushion. You blink away your sleep-heavy eyes, and blearily check your phone. It’s 5am.

The only message you’ve received is one from Alex saying he stopped by, but left since he saw you were sleeping. Okay wow, he could’ve woken you up into a better sleeping position. Your neck feels like shit.

You’re trying to ignore the growing feeling of dread in your stomach, pointedly not thinking about how Spinel hasn’t texted you back yet, and how long it’s been. You grab a glass of water from the fridge, trudge up the stairs into your bedroom, and flop on your bed. You pass out again nearly instantly.

When you wake up again, the sun is glaring into your window, and you groan. You roll over and pull the covers over your head. Fuck the sun today. You grab your phone from your nightstand, and notice it’s almost 1pm, the fuck? Why the fuck did you sleep so long? You look at all your notifications, and pretend that you’re not looking for a specific one from someone.

Spinel still hasn’t texted you back, and STILL hasn’t seen any of the messages you’ve sent her. You are starting to panic a little, so you shoot Steven a message.

Y/N: She hasn’t said anything to me at all, has she answered you?

You message your dad and friends back while waiting a few minutes for Steven to reply. It takes him a few minutes to get back to you while you're laying in bed.

Steven: Her phone is still off, and she hasn't replied to anything I've sent her. I'm gonna ask Lapis to check up on her since they live in the same building. I'll get back to you when I get an answer.

It's been like twenty hours since you've seen her, and you're worried. There's no point moping around though, so you get up and get dressed for the day. You make and eat breakfast, even if you don't normally. You need a distraction from your thoughts, so you give your dad a call to check up on him, and ask him when he's coming home this week. He talks to you about his long days in meetings after meetings, the silly shit he got up to with a coworker last night after drinking, and the new hobby he's thinking of picking up when he gets back home. You guys talk for a long while, and maybe it's something you really needed, because you momentarily forget about what you were so worried with in the first place, until your phone buzzes. It's ringing actually, and your phone screen lights up with Steven's name. You tell your dad you've got to go to take this other call, and answer Steven. You sit there, phone in hand for a moment, before putting it to your ear.

"Y/N?" You hear him ask, although a bit muffled.

"Yeah. Anything?" You reply, trying to keep the nervousness out of your voice.

"She's uh.. She's on homeworld with the Diamonds right now? Maybe they worked something out with whatever event they were planning." He says into the receiver, completely casual like this is no big deal. Like that answer didn't just shatter your morale.

"Hm, okay. I appreciate you telling me this." You want to hang up and cry.

"Why didn't Spinel tell you she was going? I mean, she doesn't need to let me know since I go back to homeworld frequently.. are you guys okay?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh." You say, unable to form an answer that isn't too revealing. "I'm not sure. But I'll let you know if anything changes."

"You know you can talk to me, right?" He says, gently. You appreciate that he cares, but it's best if he doesn't interfere.

"I know. Thank you, Steven." You reply, holding back any emotion that will give you away.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay? See you, Y/N." You say goodbye as well, and hang up.

You sit at your dining table for several solid minutes without moving, staring blankly at your phone, mind swirling with thoughts.

Okay. Alright. You can do this.

You refuse to cry, and you pinch your arm to get the prickling feeling away from the edges of your eyes. Fuck. Okay.

So she just.. left. She left, when she was fighting with the Diamonds literally yesterday about something awful they said to her, so awful that she had an emotional breakdown over it, and couldn't even TALK about it with you afterwards.

She left for homeworld to escape you.

You, specifically.

Because of a misunderstanding.

You probably sit there for a good twenty minutes absorbing everything, weighing the gravity of the situation. Afterwards, you get up and distract yourself with chores. You refuse to put any more thought into this, and just figure you'll wait.

At around 6pm, Alex comes over, and the two of you play Minecraft for the rest of the night, and he pointedly doesn't ask about Spinel at all. You're thankful that he's here in person, for once, because you don't know what kind of stupid shit you'd do without him here.

He spends the night and crashes on your couch, and you lay awake for most of the night, restless.

When you wake up, Alex has coffee and oatmeal ready for you, which is pretty funny because he never makes food. He's usually awful at it. He's sitting at the table sipping his coffee and drawing in his sketchbook, and he looks up when you make your presence known.

"Wow, you kinda look like shit my guy." He says, taking another sip of his coffee, and setting the mug down.

"Thanks. Had insomnia pretty bad last night.." You trail off and move to grab a mug from the cabinet and pour yourself some coffee. It's a black coffee only kind of day.

You sit down on the opposite side from him, and slowly drink your coffee. It smells good. You're worried Spinel hates you and never wants to see you again. You pull the bowl of oatmeal towards you and take a bite of lukewarm mush.

"This is kind of awful but thanks." You say as you shovel more into your mouth, and consider adding more brown sugar to this.

"I ain't no Gordon Ramsay, but I try." He doesn't look at you as he shades the back leg of the deer he's sketching. You watch him bite his tongue in concentration, and you take another sip of coffee. It's kind of burnt tasting, but whatever. You've had worse. "What do you want to do today, anyway?"

"Mmm." You eat another bite of oatmeal. "Can you please pick? Cuz I'm kinda braindead right now and I don't really feel like concentrating." He looks at you with mild concern.

"Last time I got to pick, you banned me from picking out what we do for a solid year." He furrows his eyebrows, twisting his pencil in hand.

"Yeah, well.. I don't really care right now." You shovel more food into your mouth.

"Fine. You said so, okayyyy, so no complaining later." He rolls his eyes and huffs, pencil scratching against the paper. Your phone buzzes several times on the table, and you reluctantly grab it. One message from dad, and.. two from Steven. You open up Steven’s messages first.

Steven: What did you do?

Steven: She doesn't want to come home.

Your stomach feels like lead. Alex notices you immediately.

"Uh. What's wrong?" He asks, leaning over. You tilt your phone away from him and you can feel the tears coming. You swallow, trying to get your face to cooperate.

“Um..” You feel your voice wavering, so you take a steadying breath. Looking down at your phone again, you struggle to form any kind of coherent words at all. You push your phone over to Alex, he reads what's on your screen, and looks back over to you with a serious face.

“For real? Are you kidding me?” He says, and you can hear the frustration in his voice. “I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind.”

“No,” The words finally find you. “Let me deal with this, please.” You give him a half hearted smile, and pull your phone back to yourself. With shaky hands, you text Steven back.

Y/N: Listen, I didn’t do anything, but..

Y/N: I’d prefer to get this sorted with her in person.

Y/N: I don’t want to play the messenger game

Y/N: I want her to hear it from me.

You don’t have to wait too long for his reply.

Steven: Okay well, I don’t know how well that’s going to work

Steven: Considering she refuses to talk to me about any of it

Steven: Let me know if you end up wanting me to do anything?

Steven: And I’ll message you if anything happens on my end.

Y/N: I appreciate that. Thanks.

You sigh and look up at Alex, who’s watching you with his chin in hand, leaning on the table.

“Anything?” He inquires.

“Nothing.” You say.

“Well, let me clean up the mess I made and let's go out. Mom let me have the car today, so we can go wherever. You said I can choose and no take-backsies, just give me a few minutes, alright?” He stands up and takes the both of your plates to the kitchen, and you watch him for a moment before deciding to get up and get dressed.

You head up to your bedroom and open your closet, rummaging around for something cozy. You grab a soft long sleeve shirt, and sweatpants, because who gives a fuck honestly. You’re looking inbetween all your sweaters for your favorite one that you’d like to wear today, before realizing that Spinel still has it. Instantly, your eyes fill with tears at the reminder, and you let yourself cry quietly in frustration where no one can see you.

After a few minutes, you wash your face in the bathroom and get dressed, settling for a different sweater. You take a couple deep breaths, and head downstairs to Alex.

You spend the rest of the day with Alex, and he takes the both of you to Empire City to browse the mall and window shop, and he buys the both of you dinner. You feel like he’s being extra sweet to make you feel better and you appreciate him so much for it, but Spinel’s on your mind literally all day and you can’t distract yourself enough. He gives you a big hug after dropping you off at home, and before leaving he makes sure that you’re okay. You’re not, not really, but he helped you not spiral further downwards today.

The next day you only work a half shift, so you get to sleep in and you take full advantage of it. It has now been three days since Spinel disappeared with no word since, and you’re beside yourself with worry. But you can’t let this stop you living your day to day life, so you do what you do best and keep on with your routine.

The fourth day goes quickly as you work a full shift, and you’ve got quite a few things to do before your dad gets home tomorrow. You’re excited to see him, as he’s been gone for nearly three weeks now. The house will be back to normal, and way less lonely.

Your dad comes home the fifth day and you spend the entirety of it with him, and you don’t think about Spinel at all. The both of you go to the movies, and then to the beach to have a relaxing afternoon as family bonding time. When you guys head home, you make him his favorite steak and potatoes and he talks about all of the things he had to do and how much he missed your company while he was gone. You think he notices that your mood has slightly been off today, but he doesn't ask about it.

The sixth day, Steven sends you a text about her still not being home, and you wonder why you even bothered opening the message. At this point you’re no longer despondent, you’re now just frustrated with the growing feeling of anger building inside you.

By the tenth day, you’re rightfully pissed. You gave her more than enough time to get over whatever feelings she felt - and she’s not taking any of your feelings into consideration. She left you to deal with the aftermath of what she assumed to be true, and never even gave you the chance to explain yourself. You haven’t sent her a text since that last one you sent over a week ago, and you think you’ll send her one more.

Y/N: Whenever (or IF, I guess) you decide to pop back in on earth, I’d like to have a chat. :)

Steven hasn’t said anything much in the last week, either. You kind of feel like he’s avoiding you because of this, but it doesn’t matter now. If she never wants to come back, that’s on her.

Two more days go by - pretty uneventfully. You spend most of your time at work, or playing minecraft with Alex and the occasional Harper when she’s actually in a motel versus camping. The two of them haven’t asked about Spinel at all - and you know they’ve talked about it extensively in private. You’re secretly relieved that you don’t have to talk about her, though.

Two weeks pass, and you give up entirely. Life goes on.

One of these late afternoons you’re lying in bed after work and texting your friends, and for a moment you think about shooting Spinel a last message. You don’t think she’ll come back to earth at this point, but you want your sweater back if she ever visits. You swipe over to your chat with her to let her know this, and your eyes glance at the ‘seen’ icon at the bottom, timestamp dated nearly 36 hours ago.

Huh.

Wait. What the fuck.

You sit there for a moment, frozen in shock. Shock that quickly turns into boiling anger, and you find yourself texting Steven faster than you realize.

Y/N: So she comes back and you say nothing, yeah?

Y/N: Remind me to not do you any favors for a while.

Eyes stinging, you go back over to shoot Spinel an angry message, but before you can even type out half a sentence, Steven rapidly texts you back.

Steven: Hold on for a second, okay?

Steven: Let me explain something.

You don’t really care at this point.

Y/N: nah man.

You get up from bed, pocket your phone, and waltz downstairs. You put on a sweater, toe on the nearest flip flops, and head out the front door. Dad’s at work currently, so you lock the door and head over to little homeworld. You walk briskly over to the bar you met Spinel at, and after a small hold up with the bouncer, head in and move directly to the counter, facing Bismuth.

“Hey Bis,” You say to her, and she glances over to you from her current patron, and smiles at you.

“Y/N! It’s been a minute. How’ve you been?” She replies, facing you.

“I’ve been alright,” You lean a bit over the bar. “I actually just have a question, if you don’t mind.” Bismuth looks at you inquisitively, and you continue. “What’s Spinel’s address? She never gave it to me.” You smile sweetly at her.

“Hold on, let me get a pen and some paper.” She says as she sets down her glass, and grabs a pen and some receipt paper from the register. You watch her scribble something down, and she hands it to you.

“Bis, I ever tell you that you’re the best?” You take the piece of paper from her hand.

“Only once,” She grins. “But I could stand to hear it again.” You laugh at that, and pocket the note.

“Thanks for this. I’ll pay you back later, promise.” You wink at her, and turn to leave. You hear her chuckle and pick the glass back up from the counter.

“I’ll keep you to that!” You hear as you leave the building, pulling out the note again to glance at the address.

It’s over a mile away, and you figure now or never, and walk towards the general direction of her place. You try and fail on calming your nerves on the near 30 minute walk, and by the time you get to her apartment building, you’ve worked yourself up into a whirlwind of emotions. Also you’ve pointedly ignored your phone this entire time, and you’re pretty sure you’ve missed 5 calls and dozens of texts, but you knew that if you looked at any of it, you’d lose face and chicken out.

Spinel’s apartment is on the 9th floor, and you marvel at the technology side of the building for a bit. These gems really knew how to build stuff. You take the elevator up, and once you’re on the floor, you take a sharp left to the odd numbers side of the building. You reach her door and stop, almost touching the frame to knock on it. Although it’s pretty quiet in the building, you can hear a faint voice, or voices, coming from inside her apartment if you listen closely enough.

You take a deep breath, and let it out. You take another three, and consider leaving altogether. You steel your nerves, lift your arm, and knock on her door frame twice.

You think you hear the voice quiet down as you stand there, waiting. Several seconds go by, and you can hear your own heartbeats.

For a sec you think that she won’t come to the door, but after a few more moments you hear quiet movement towards the door you’re standing in front of. You make a point to step to the side, so whoever is answering the door can’t see who’s standing there through the peephole.

Very slowly, you see the door handle turn, and the door swinging open several inches. You watch Spinel peek her head out the door, her phone in her hand, and turn to make direct eye contact with you. She freezes instantaneously, like she expected it to be anyone else other than you standing there.

Her hair is in a messy bun, and your eyes trail down to notice that she’s wearing your sweater.

This pisses you off immediately.

#spinel #spinel x reader #spinel su #spinel self insert #steven universe #my fic #devils ballroom

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shulto-masusdesus · 5 years ago

Text

The Cryptid Machine [BNHA AU: Chapter 1]

Time for the cryptid machine to go wild

(this is my writing sideblog btw)

i havent written anything else in days. i pushed for it so hard. 7k in three days and its just one chapter lol, fuck (i mean i wasnt writing anything else anyway so im glad i was productive at least thanks for giving me something to do lol)

But it was also fun

I accidentally really made them into the scooby-doo gang and honestly its the best thing ive ever done unintentionally. They just fit so well

@kawaiipotatuh @vango-bango and @sooske yo hi yall said you wanted to read it so i wrote it

sorry sooske i didnt get to shiga in this chapter but hes comin,,,,this is gonna be chaptered so he’ll definitely be in this soon. definitely plot relevant because i love shiggy.

anyway A/N over time for the story

Rating: T for language and fantasy violence (no nsfw this time this is group friend story)

tags in the tags. some body horror because cryptid-related creepiness yknow. and major character death later on so yknow

if i missed anything tell me, okay now time for the story <3

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Izuku, frankly, was stunned.

“I thought it was just a hobby!”

“A hobby?” Shouto threw back what looked to be his thirtieth Five-Hour Energy, pouring syrup on the pancakes Izuku brought without paying much attention. They were more syrup than pancake at this point, but that was hardly priority at the moment. “A hobby?”

The giant frog sitting on the table between them blinked its left eye, and then the right, after a little delay. Izuku shuddered. Too much frog, too close, too much detail. Very scaly and slimy and bumpy. Frogs were not supposed to be big. But it was easily bigger than his head, almost the size of his torso.

“How did you get it in here?”

“Thawed crickets.” Shouto raised an eyebrow, as if having frozen crickets stored for a time such as this was normal and expected. Like a madman consumed by his own craft, he picked up a syrup-coated pancake with his own two hands, and bit into it. Then he looked at the mess with mild surprise, a gaze that read “What the fuck is this? Where did all this syrup come from?” Izuku didn’t have the heart to answer him. “…You’re underestimating me.”

Izuku shut his eyes, sucked in a breath, rubbing his temples. “So. You found this frog in the woods behind your house. You just so happened to have a pack of frozen crickets-”

“No, that’s not what happened,” Shouto leaned forward, elbows on the table, the plate of pancakes Izuku brought ruined and pushed to the side, with that damned cursed light in his eyes he got when he was about to tell a story, dive head-first into a theory, or conjure up a new way to ditch work. “I’ve been hunting this frog for months. I learn about many creatures when researching,”

Scrolling r/cryptids, Izuku thought. And various other unspeakable 2chan threads and dark web sites. He sighed. Those pancakes were better than usual, too...he managed to remember to use less butter…he forgot that all the time…if he was going to make pancakes in the middle of the night, they may as well be good...what was Shouto talking about? Oh yeah, the frog.

“-and I encountered this post about a kappa sighting. It was confusing, and I almost wrote it off as another incident of someone just seeing something very mundane in the wrong light - until I recognized the location of the sighting.” There it was, Shouto’s rare grin, a look very reminiscent of the cat that finally caught the mouse. “…Heartstone Lake, on the park side of the woods.”

The giant frog grumbled. Loudly. Its chest puffed a little and Izuku felt a wild fear for what a real croak would sound like. This thing was huge. “Uhm, yeah? And?”

“So I went and checked it out.” He went over to his Wall, pointing to photo after photo, and Izuku hummed along, suddenly very, very worried about this frog in the Todoroki’s basement. This could end in many ways, and a very loud croak waking up his dad would be one of the worse ones. “Found tracks. Tracks, Izuku. You have to understand - nobody ever finds tracks.”

Izuku nodded. “Crazy.” He said, noticing how the frog’s eye was starting to slowly roll around, as if looking, scanning its surroundings. He was a little bit more than freaked out. He really had thought that this was just an interest of Shouto’s. Not something he was actually going to pursue, and that it produced a very crypid-like thing, a real result? A part of him wanted to go home and go back to bed, before Shouto decided to find a demon from hell or something. Or before the frog turned out to be a demon from hell. “…Did you do a steak-out?”

“Yes. Many steak-outs.” Shouto sighed, rubbing his face. “For…six weeks. Every night and every spare minute I could get. Along with a camera live feed setup. Only today did I actually see something, and once I did, I didn’t let it get away.” His smile was so wholesome, but the fruit of his labor was probably a harbinger of the void. Izuku was torn between supporting his friend and self-preservation.

Izuku decided to call the two people who would help back him up in whatever answer was the right one. The guardian angels, Tenya and Ochako. Because he needed help.

“I’m gonna call Tenya and Ochako.”

To Izuku’s bewilderment, Shouto deflated, smile dying, abruptly concerned. Izuku sputtered, pausing in pulling his phone out of his pocket. “What?! Do you not want them to know, or-?!”

With a sigh, Shouto grumbled, “Tenya…You know what he’d say.”

Izuku rolled his eyes. “It’s probably what you need to hear, really. Monster or not, this frog doesn’t belong indoors. We could get money for it, and what if it’s a new species or something-”

The other boy sighed. “Fine, whatever-”

The underside of the frog’s throat started expanding. Izuku watched in mute horror as it opened its mouth, and released a croak.

It was louder than Izuku expected. Very much so. His ears were left ringing from the rumbling warble, but that was hardly the biggest problem. There was a lot of thudding and yelling going on upstairs, in the upper levels of the Todoroki household; the family converging in on Shouto’s basement for whatever that definitely inhumane noise was.

Shouto’s dad was the strictest father around, and didn’t allow Shouto to have friends over on weeknights, nevermind late at night; since Izuku, an unapproved friend, basically snuck into the house on a weeknight at the unholy hour of three in the morning, he was breaking many, many rules.

And a giant fucking frog on the table in the middle of the room also would do more than raise a few eyebrows.

Shouto, however, was prepared. He pushed a mysterious white jar across the table to him, and pointed to the basement awning window. “I’ll help,” He said. “It’s actually not all that heavy.”

“Shouto! What was that?! What are you doing in there, it’s three in the morning on a school night-!”

There was his father. However, aside from the actual basement door lock, Shouto secretly installed about six extra locks, so he wasn’t getting in any time soon. “Studying, Dad,” Shouto said, heaving the massive, slimy frog off the table. He nailed he tired, annoyed, exasperated tone perfectly. Izuku opened the jar, and forced down a squeak - mushy, wet, dead crickets. “There’s a science tomorrow, I want to make sure I’m ready.”

His dad went quiet, which was his “you’re probably lying, but finding out the truth is more effort than I’m willing to put in at the moment” response. Izuku’s been witness to it a lot, as this is far from the first time he’s been a Master Lock away from getting caught. Shouto gave Izuku a look, frog in hand, as he opened the small window.

“Studying at such an…early hour is counter-productive. Get to bed, Shouto.”

“Alright.” Izuku shimmied out the window, onto the grass outside, and cringed as he opened the jar and gently picked up a soggy cricket corpse. With some difficulty, Shouto shoved the fat mass of jiggling skin through the awning, and Izuku pulled it the rest of the way out.

“Don’t let it out of your sight,” Shouto mouthed, scowling a little. Most likely because he was forced to get rid of his first find. Weird giant frog or not, it was really important to Shouto, so he couldn’t lose track of it-

The frog grumbled, and started hopping off.

“Get it!” Shouto hissed, and Izuku ran after it.

It wasn’t as fast as he thought. He caught up to it easily, and offered it a few crickets to bribe it into sitting still for a moment. Shouto’s window shut, and tense yelling ensued; Shouto buying time so he could hide incriminating evidence. His dad probably heard them.

An awkward ten minutes passed. Routinely, Izuku dropped a cricket or two, and the frog stayed put. Eventually, Shouto opened the window again, glaring.

“Take it to your house,” He said. “God knows I’m not gonna get away with hiding it here.” And he shut the window.

“So,” Izuku said, to the monster frog, dropping a couple more crickets. Its tongue flicked out to grab them, and honestly, Izuku feared for his safety. “I guess you’re coming to my place?”

_______________________________________________________________

Step one; get it onto his bike.

His basket was definitely big enough for the frog. He could probably stop every couple minutes to feed it a cricket so it wouldn’t struggle too much while he was on the road. It wouldn’t end well for either of them if it decided to upset the balance of the bike on the road.

He lugged the frog into the basket - it really wasn’t as heavy as it looked - and gave it a few crickets before locking the lid. Step two; get it home. That was the easy part.

The ride was mostly uneventful. The route was mostly muscle memory, so it wasn’t hard to hyperfocus on every odd rustle and bump on the back of his bike. He stopped to feed it about five times, and each time its tongue lashed out harder and faster. His fight-or-flight instinct begged him to run away from the very real monster frog on the back of his bike. He channeled the energy into maintaining cadence. If Shouto wasn’t his best friend, and wouldn’t probably murder him if he lost it, he would’ve let the frog hop into the woods when it tried to.

Finally, he reached his plain suburban neighborhood. He considered stopping at Kacchan’s house, but he’d probably kill the frog on sight, so he couldn’t rely on him for moral support. Time to call Ochako up for an early-morning napover. She said “anytime”, right?

Step three; get it to his room. His backyard didn’t have a fence, and he didn’t have a basement, and even if his mom didn’t have a panic attack when she saw the frog, she would definitely tell him to get it out of the house. Any rational person would, really. So. Hiding it in his bedroom was the only choice.

Mom never got out of bed past midnight, so it was easy to trudge inside, to his room, and to lock the door behind him. Then the frog leapt from his arms, and hopped its slimy body onto his bed. Ew. Time to call Ochako.

As promised, she answered by the fourth ring. “…Yaeah…Deku…?”

“Uhm, come to my house?” Izuku chuckled nervously. “Shouto found…uh, a giant frog, but he couldn’t keep it at his house, so I’m keeping it at mine. I need a little moral support?”

“...” Ochako sighed, a very, very long sigh. “...”

“Ochako?”

“What?”

“Shouto found a giant frog-”

“A WHAT?!”

It took Ochako all of fifteen minutes to get to his place, on foot. She took the short route to his room - through his window - and gawked at the frog for another five minutes, school backpack and sleeping bag falling from her hands.

“He - really?!”

“Yeah…”

She stared at it for a long, long time. It grumbled again. Izuku felt a sinking feeling.

“It’s - a giant frog.”

“...Yeah.”

“And…he just…?”

“No, he said he’d been looking for it for the past six weeks.”

“So that’s why he’s been passing out in class?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Ochako stared at the frog. “I thought it was all…”

“He flipped out a little when I said I thought it was just a hobby.” He ran his fingers through his hair with a huff. “This is really important to him.”

“Well…” She mumbled, eyes wide. “We may as well…take good care of it. H…how do you get a frog to go to sleep? Don’t frogs need heat lamps? How do we take care of a frog - a giant frog-” She stomped her foot. “Did Shouto think about this at all?”

She looked at Izuku. He raised an eyebrow in return. And she fell into giggles. “Yeah,” She said. “Let’s get it in front of a heater?”

Izuku left the room, running down to the hall closet to get a heater; on his way back, Ochako suddenly screamed.

He ran to his room, and to his horror, the frog was, for lack of a better term, erupting. Blowing up like a balloon. Ochako shoved him out of the doorway, into the hall, and slammed the door shut.

“What is going on here?” Oh, his mom was up now, rushing down the hall with concern. “What happened? Ochako, very…nice to see you, but at this hour? What’s happening?”

The two teens were speechless. They looked to each other for answers, but found nothing there but shock and general horror. Tentatively, Ochako cracked the door back open.

The frog was splayed about thinly like a shed bag. Sitting on Izuku’s bed now, instead, was a girl with long green hair. And also very naked, the frog broke open and was now a naked girl-

Confusion ensued. Mom screamed a little, shocked by the frog flash bag, and Ochako and Deku screamed because the frog was gone and Shouto was now on the list of people who wanted them dead; then his mom ran in, bringing the blanket up around the girl with shaking hands and firing off questions one after another, and Izuku screamed louder because he realized that somehow the frog became the girl - Ochako screamed louder, because she realized that with Shouto’s internet skill and wide range of information sources, there was no way to hide from him.

“Izuku, who is this?! Why is she naked?!” Mom turned to him with an unfamiliar demanding tone. “Explain! Now!”

“I don’t…!” Izuku was, completely, lost. “I don’t know…! I think - she was-!?”

Ochako stopped screaming, and said, “We don’t know! She - the frog - it exploded and - it was a frog before-!”

“A frog!?” Mom shouted - his mom never shouted. Izuku felt like reality was fraying at the seams. “What-”

“RIBBIT.”

Everything stopped. Ochako stopped. His mom stopped. Izuku felt like he suddenly lost the ability to breathe, like someone clicked ‘end task’ on his lungs and his panicking head.

The girl’s eyes were very, very big, an expression of pure confusion and shock on her face. “RIBBIT!” She screeched, again.

“R…’ribbit’…?” Mom said, weakly. “What do you mean…?”

“...” The girl stared at Mom with a wild lack of recognition. Not just that she didn’t know who Mom was; she had no idea what she was seeing at all and was completely lost. Izuku was almost as lost, really. “Ribbit…”

Ochako swayed lightly, gripping Izuku’s arm. “S-so - the frog was there before - did she come out of the frog…?!”

Izuku looked at the frog flesh and slime splayed on his bed. “…P…probably…”

His mom’s expression faded from extreme shock and confusion, to general surprise. “Izuku, Ochako, please explain - what is this mess - who is she-”

“I don’t know!” Izuku burst, shaking a little. “I don’t know! It was a frog before and now its a girl and Shouto didn’t tell me and I don’t know-”

“Izuku-”

“Izuku, baby, calm down,” Mom quickly crossed the room to him, softly taking his hands. “It’s okay, I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry. Let’s have some tea, and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

“...O…okay.”

_______________________________________________________________

Tea with a splash of honey was always good. It warmed him down to his core. The girl seemed to also be enjoying it, if her regular sips were any indicator. Even if she was a bit tentative, slow, testing about it, each time.

His mom sighed heavily. “So, according to your story, she’s…”

Ochako hummed. “Yeah. I don’t believe it either. We should call Shouto.”

“He’d love this,” Izuku mumbled, staring into his tea. “He probably knows what…she is. I certainly don’t.”

“...Well,” Mom glanced at the girl. She had a permanent frown on her face. “We’ll deal with this tomorrow. Today, we’ll…well, It’s already five, isn’t it?”

Izuku dropped his head onto the table. “One hour. Please. I want sleep. I didn’t sleep at all.”

“Ditto,” Ochako also dropped her head, with a heavy thud. “No sleep. At all. I almost was asleep, but then Deku called…”

“Sorry…”

“’S alright….I wouldn’t wanna miss this.” She huffed a laugh. “Somehow, I’m glad I saw it live.”

Mom sighed again, sounding old. “Okay,” She said. “You only have about two hours, though. Remember, you both promised you would ride to school this year.”

Izuku groaned, muffling himself on the wood table. Ochako also whined. The girl watched the both of them curiously.

His mom agreed to watch the girl while they napped; Izuku was so not sleeping in his bed, so he took Mom’s bed instead. Ochako splayed out over one half of the king-sized bed while Izuku took up one third, sharing it because his mom’s bed was wonderful.

It was, without a doubt, the worst nap of his life. Because just as he was getting settled in and kind of almost sleeping, the six o’clock alarm on Mom’s bedside table buzzed loudly. Along with the knee Ochako unconsciously jammed halfway up his ass and her loud drool-snore-choke-drowning, he kind of wanted to die, to get some real sleep. The reason why he stopped sleeping in the same bed as Uraraka Ochako came back to him. Violently, in the form of a foot mysteriously journeying its way up his pants. She was just the weirdest sleeper.

He untangled himself from the covers and Ochako and trudged down the hall. He went to his room, intent on grabbing a shower before school.

He grabbed his clothes from his closet and was on his way to the bathroom before he suddenly recalled what happened last night. Where the fuck was that girl-

He ran around the house, looking for her and Mom - the car was gone from the driveway. His mom had work early in the day, so that was normal, but the girl was still nowhere to be seen. Where was she?!

He texted his mom urgently, and she responded, I left her at home. She should be there with you. Have a good day at school <3

One, was he really going to just leave her at home all day? And two, she was absolutely nowhere to be seen. He checked the kitchen, the living room, all the closets, both bedrooms, and their house was one floor and small as fuck, so there wasn’t many places to hide. She was gone.

And then Ochako screamed. Izuku could probably guess where frog girl was.

He ran to Mom’s room, and there she was, Ochako standing on the bed in a martial arts defensive position with frog girl sitting on the floor, blinking cluelessly, now dressed in spare clothes Ochako left here. But she still had such an alien air around her that it felt like the clothes didn’t quite fit her. She confounded Izuku on every level.

Izuku was cobbling together some way to react to the situation when his phone started ringing. He answered.

“H-hello?!”

“Is the frog okay?”

Shouto. Izuku felt a range of emotions, from relief to joy to murderous intent to numbness. “…It turned into a person, Shouto. A girl. Did you know this would happen!?”

A silence passed.

“Shouto?”

“...S-sorry, I…”

“Shouto, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” He sniffed faintly. “I wanted to see it.”

“You knew it would happen?!”

“No, but I had a feeling. Part of the witness reports described a frog standing on two legs like a person, and even people with frog-like features, y’know, like a person, but a frog.” Shouto sighed. “So either it was just one creature that could shapeshift to varying levels of frog to humanoid, or it was many creatures that were all varying levels of frog to humanoid. Like kappas or something.” Something tapped rhythmically in the background. “I wished I could’ve seen the shift. Do you still have the shed skin?”

“For what, Shouto,” Izuku was, frankly, pretty fed up. The frog girl was now on top of Ochako and very closely watching her, scanning her features. “What are you going to do with a giant frog flesh bag, Shouto.”

“Research.”

“Shouto.”

“Testing.”

“Shouto! You’re missing the-”

“Fine!” The other boy huffed roughly. “I’m gonna call Mei and cash in a debt to use her research facilities.”

“Shouto, I love you, but you have a C in chemistry. But that’s beside the-”

“She’s going to examine the frog skin, okay?! That’s it! Sorry I don’t have a genetics lab in my fucking basement!”

Izuku tried to be exasperated, but he ended up fighting back a smile. “N-no, Shouto, that’s not - I - whatever Mei has to do with it, it’s a nasty sack of frog skin, Shouto. I was talking more as in, ‘it’s absurd that you would want it, so why’, not ‘you don’t have the means to do anything with it, so why’.”

Shouto went quiet. “…” It was a long, self-depreciating quiet.

“Look,” Izuku said, smile fading, because fuck, Shouto drove him crazy sometimes. “Get your ass over here and help me decide what we’re going to do about her. She can’t stay here while we’re at school all day, can she?”

“I don’t see why not,” Shouto mumbled. “Can’t take her to school. Can’t let her loose.”

“Shouto, you have the skin, basically, so you have a model of what the crypid frog looks like, right? And proof?”

“Yeah. That’s the best part.”

“So do we really need to keep her?” Izuku watched as the girl tried to lick Ochako with a freakishly long tongue. Being a reasonable human being, the brown-haired girl was scrambling away before she made contact. “She’s…well, I mean, endangered species preservation, right? And - I dunno, what’re we gonna keep her for? She looks like a person, kind of…it’d be weird. Morally.”

“...How human does she seem?”

“One hundred percent. She has big eyes, but that can be passed off as a feature, y’know?” Ochako ran to the doorway - the girl opened her mouth wide, tongue flicking out, and it reached all the way across the room, wrapping around Ochako’s waist and pulling her back in. Izuku flinched as his friend shrieked. “…But her tongue is super long and weird, like a frog’s, and she currently has captured Ochako with it.”

“...Well, human meat doesn’t sit well with frogs, so she isn’t going to try to eat her. Unless she’s an adventurous type or something. I mean, she is a monster, so she’s probably full of surprises. Don’t trust her.” Shouto laughed, like this was a joke. Izuku didn’t find it very funny...How did he know that human meat doesn’t sit well with frogs…?

Ochako was released once she was dragged close enough for the girl to grab her. “So we’re just gonna leave her in my house for the day.”

“Yeah.”

“There are hazards everywhere, Shouto.”

“She’ll probably be fine.”

“But what if my Xbox isn’t, Shouto? What if she burns my house down, Shouto? What if she breaks my Xbox Shouto-”

“Forget about your Xbox,” Shouto snapped. Izuku gasped loudly. “It’ll be fine. She won’t mess with anything. I think. And like you said, if she escapes, it isn’t that bad. As long as the skin is still there, she exists. That’s all I need. I have to take a shower before school, I smell like black coffee and steroids. Later.”

And there he went. Almost angrily, Izuku pocketed his phone and said, “H-hey!”

Frog girl looked at Izuku boredly. “Help me,” Ochako begged, held captive by the two arms around her waist. Izuku debated the pros and cons of tearing her away from the literally mutant creature. What was the likelihood of survival?

“We have an hour before we meet up with Shouto,” Izuku stated flatly. “I’m taking a shower first.”

“No!” In a flash, Ochako twisted free of her bindings and was out of the room, and zooming down the hall. “You take all the hot water!”

Izuku sighed. Frog girl, covered in her own hair like she was drowning in it, stared at him with wide green eyes. He averted his gaze, nervously.

“U-uh, hi,” He said. Wow, could he be any more awkward? Well, she wasn’t human, so it wasn’t like she’d pick up on any of human societal nuances-

“Hi.”

She said. She fucking said. She said?! She said. She talked. She said words. She said ‘hi’. Whoawhoawhoa - it had to be simple parroting, it had to be just-

“Where did she go.”

Izuku felt the inexplicable urge to cry. “Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-”

Frog girl stared at Izuku, eyes peeking between strands of hair with a strange light. “Where is she.”

“I-I-I-I-I-d-d-d-d-on’t-”

She stood up, and walked past him with halting, almost jerking steps. She left the room, and looked one way, then the other. “…”

“O-O-Ochako?!” Izuku felt like curling up in a corner and sobbing wildly. He felt like he just looked into the void and it talked back to him. He felt a number of things, and all of them involved some level of existential terror. “Sh-she’s i-in the sh-shower…D-don’t-”

She was already on her way down the hallway. Izuku didn’t really think upsetting this being of mysterious and potentially reality-breaking power was a good idea. Technically, she was another girl, so it wouldn’t be that weird for her to walk in on Ochako, right? Uh.

Right on cue, Ochako screamed. Izuku groaned. By finding this cursed being, Shouto effectively turned his life upside down. For better or worse was yet to be seen. But from how Ochako was currently fighting frog girl out of her shower, it was probably for worse. Would his life ever go back to normal?

_______________________________________________________________

By some miracle, they managed to get on the road on time, meeting up with Shouto on the way. While he and Ochako rode very practical bikes, he rode a skateboard. Why, he refused to really tell. If he wasn’t wearing his school uniform, he’d look like he was in the wrong decade. And somehow the uniform made it look even tackier. But it was alright. It wasn’t like he was bad at it; in fact, he pulled many moves that were reminiscent of a certain famous skateboarder, but he was also from the wrong decade. Somehow, it suited him. He, to a concerning level, didn’t care what other people thought of him, so it was okay. Just weird.

“So,” Shouto said, cruising along with Ochako, keeping up easily despite having much smaller wheels. Also weird. “Show me a pic of her.”

“A what?” Izuku blinked.

“A picture.” Shouto raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you didn’t take a picture.”

“...”

Ochako shrugged, rhythmically tapping her bell. “Didn’t think to.”

The boy huffed. “You guys are the worst,” He said. “How are we supposed to get proof that she shapeshifted if we didn’t get the after picture?”

“Shouto, I’m tired,” Izuku sighed. “I’m sorry. But this is way over my head. I’m not good at…this paranormal cryptid stuff. It’s fun when it’s just creepy stories, but - I dunno, this is too much.” He shuddered. “She talked. Just, started saying words. Like a normal person - super blunt and to the point, but it was like she said it like that on purpose. She knew. Just like that. And she was a frog before-”

“She talked?!” Shouto’s eyes lit up. “What did she say? What did her voice sound like? Ugh, I wish we got it on tape-”

“Shouto!” Izuku snapped. “Pay attention! Forget that stuff - I don’t want any part in it anymore! I’m scared! After school, we’re gonna let her go, and that’s gonna be the end of it! Okay!?” If there’s even a home to return to, Izuku thought bitterly.

Shouto stared at him, blankly. Then he looked away. “…Alright.”

Ochako whistled. “You guys fall out hard,” She said. “I give it…three days before one of you starts apologizing.”

Izuku’s face burned. He was the one apologizing, most of the time. But not this time, He thought resolutely. He wasn’t at fault here. Shouto was going to apologize to him, for dragging him into this mess in the first place.

_______________________________________________________________

[10:25 A.M.]

nessie: im dying. im actually dying

shouto: why

nessie: what the fuck is a lamange

nessie: mange is a disease

nessie: in french it means what??? food???? kill me

shouto: it means eat

shouto: pay attention in class and you might get it

nessie: fuck you

nessie: youre the last person i want to hear that from

shouto: ow

nessie: Rip Believe It Or Not

shouto: Ripley’s I Know This Stuff Is Real, But I Can’t Handle It, Dog

nessie: nibyguvtfcu

nessie: so you do get it

shouto: get what

shouto: what

nessie: oh my god

nessie: Oh My God

nessie: you are a national treasure

nessie: you know that

shouto: ??????

shouto: ?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!what am I missing now

nessie: shut up for a minute teach coming

shouto: well I hope not thats a little inappropriate

---

[10:30 A.M.]

nessie: shouto holy shit what the fuck oh my god what the fuck

nessie: dude

shouto: yeah I sent that without thinking

shouto: and then I couldnt send a correction because

shouto: and yeah

nessie: dude

pppppppppppink: whats happening

pppppppppppink: oh wow what was that shouto hahahahha

shouto: oh my god look it was an accident

tenya: ochako its hardly fair to make fun of him for that

tenya: it was an honest mistake

nessie: tenya coughs, “unfortunately”

shouto: say that shit to my face deku

shouto: whos on the football team huh

nessie: surprised you caught that

nessie: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shouto: i am going to kill you,

pppppppppppink: hey no death threats on my friendly christian minecraft server

nessie: deadmeme

tenya: yes, death threats are not the way to handle strife between friends

tenya: but neither were those insults, izuku

tenya: you know shouto’s skill does not warrant comments such as those

nessie: hes gonna get a coma i know it

tenya: what does that have to do with anything

nessie: football

nessie: caveman sport

tenya: that is inappropriate

shouto: dudedudedude look man

shouto: im sorry okay

nessie: FOR WHAT SHOUTO

shouto: I DONT KNOW

pppppppppppink: wow that was fast

tenya: please quiet teacher

------

[10:35 A.M.]

shouto: look man I dont know what youre so angry about

nessie: im not angry

pppppppppppink: izuku coughs, “im furious”

nessie: im n o t

tenya: izuku i believe you are, in fact, angry

nessie: im not angry

shouto: youre angry

nessie: SHOUTO WHAT THE FUCK MAN

nessie: EXCUSE ME IF IM A LITTLE SHAKEN UP ABOUT YOU DROPPING A FUCKING FROG DEMON ONTO ME

shouto: i wouldve kept it if i could

shouto: but i forced it onto you without asking

shouto: sorry

nessie: “sorry if i valued a mythical creature above my friends feelings”

shouto: well fuck

shouto: i tried

shouto: yeah fuck you

shouto: i wouldve loved to have it

shouto: you love it when i talk to you about it so what the fuck is the difference

nessie: THEYRE JUST STORIES

nessie: S T O R I E S

nessie: I DONT WANT THEM TO BE REAL

nessie: ITS TOO MUCH

nessie: ITS SCARY

shouto: dude theres always a chance of the stories being real

shouto: you didnt know that

nessie: dontdothat

nessie: i dont want to think of them like that

nessie: no one wants them to be real

shouto: i do

nessie: yeah but ur a weirdo

tenya: foul

pppppppppppink: yeah try again

pppppppppppink: stay within bounds

nessie: are you reffing our fight

tenya: yes

tenya: go on

shouto: dude if you dont want any part of it then ill take her okay

shouto: okay?

nessie: that isnt it

nessie: because ur gonna be all weird about it and be all offended

nessie: bullshit

nessie: were gonna straighten this out here

nessie: rn

tenya: as a distraction in class.

nessie: sure

shouto: im not gonna be offended

pppppppppppink: hahahahhahahhha

shouto: im not

tenya: you will be offended

nessie: you will be offended

nessie: you dont think my fear is valid

shouto: being scared of it and pushing it away isnt going to make it disappear

shouto: theres a monster under your bed whether you want it to be there or not

nessie: oh my FUCKING GOD SHOUTO

nessie: THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

nessie: YOU DONT LISTEN TO ME

shouto: i am

shouto: im doing nothing but listening to you

shouto: im getting on aizawas nerves

tenya: he means respect

tenya: you arent respecting him

tenya: as evidenced by you “twisting the knife”, for lack of a better term

tenya: you understand that stories of paranormal activities entertain him?

shouto: yes

tenya: the rift seems to lay in the fact that although he enjoys them as stories, he does not wish them to be real, intimate experiences

tenya: this is where you two seem to split

tenya: because you strive to live the stories

pppppppppppink: *is eating popcorn* marriage counseling :D

shouto: i mean who wouldnt

nessie: I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT

nessie: NONONONONONONONO

nessie: UCK AMN DO YOU THIINK I WANNA FUCKING

nessie: THAT IS

nessie: NOOONONONONOONONO

shouto: shit man calm down

shouto: so it scares you

nessie: fuck yess??? you get it????finally????

shouto: why

[nessie has left the group chat.]

pppppppppppink: dude you messed up

shouto: .

tenya: i advise understanding

tenya: not everyone feels the same way you do

shouto: well duh

shouto: but it isnt scary

shouto: .

pppppppppppink: are you hearing yourself? finally?

pppppppppppink: not to be mean, ur just

pppppppppppink: really dense :D

tenya: to him, it is scary.

tenya: and thats just how he works

tenya: youll have to respect that

shouto: but its not scary

tenya: that is an opinion, shouto

tenya: not fact. it varies from person to person

tenya: you have to respect his opinion, shouto

shouto: .

shouto: god

shouto: fine

tenya: now what’s this about a “frog demon”?

pppppppppppink: ohohoohooho

shouto: first of all, it isnt a demon

pppppppppppink: do i have a story for you!

_______________________________________________________________

Izuku settled on giving Shouto the cold shoulder. It lasted out of school and on the way home, even as they pulled up to his house. Even as he kept pestering him with his constant, creepy, begging stare. Fuck him. Because if he talked first, he’d end up apologizing. And he couldn’t do that. He wasn’t the one at fault.

The frog girl was gone. They searched high and low, all over his house, but she was nowhere to be seen. Izuku found the frog skin wrapped up in the dumpster outside, and threw it at Shouto without a word. Shouto didn’t say anything, either.

“Hm,” Ochako popped a sucker into her mouth. “I changed my mind. Two days.”

Izuku grumbled, flushing bright red.

“I find this whole story a little hard to believe,” Tenya said, and Izuku felt a wild urge to punch him. “You mean to tell me that this so-called giant frog split open and turned out to be a young girl? Who is now missing?”

“Tenya, I wish it didn’t happen,” Izuku crossed the driveway, grabbing the taller boy by his quarterback shoulders. “I wish desperately that it didn’t happen. But it did.”

“Oh yeah,” Ochako said, nodding. “It was crazy. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t been there.” With a shrug, she added, “Still kinda in doubt. It was super late.”

“Maybe it was a dream?”

“No,” Shouto said, coming up to show Tenya something on his phone. “Pictures. Video. It’s real. The frog, at least. I also have samples at home. I did some research - actually, there are some frogs that can grow up to about the size of our frog, but they can only live in equatorial Guinea. Without the girl, the skin only proves that a new species of giant frog lives in the area unless they map its genome or something.” He shrugged. “Not the story I was looking for, but cool nonetheless.”

“’Story’?” Izuku bristled. “What are you even looking for, Shouto? Why are you doing this at all?” Whoops. But he couldn’t help it. He’d been wondering it for a while, but this was the breaking point. Would he just hand the girl over to scientists for testing if he did have her? Would they take advantage of the fact that she isn’t human to do whatever they wanted? What was Shouto getting from this? Money? Fame? He wasn’t the type who would search out stuff like that, so what-?!

“Huh?” Shouto tilted his head. “...Why not? It’s fun.”

He could scream. Angrily, he stomped back to the porch, yanking open his door and ready to lock it behind him-

-and the kitchen was a mess, like a tornado whizzed around in the few moments they went outside. The dining table was on its side, chairs thrown around, cabinets raided and foodstuffs everywhere. The fridge was open, and judging from the aggressive clinking going on, someone was there. Izuku could probably guess who it was. But why now? She barely touched anything, earlier.

And then she peeked above the fridge door. Izuku screamed.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

if anyone knows how to color text please tell me because i spent a lot of time coloring the chat messages in the original doc and im sad it didnt carry so please and thank you tell me,

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fantasiawandering · 5 years ago

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Do you have any recommendations for writing ADHD? I'm unmedicated due to health reasons and I really want to write but it's so hard

The problem is it’s such a spectrum that what works for me may not work for you, and my writing brain is still broken due to stress, but things I’ve found helped:

Before I started taking meds, I got to a point where one of the few things that helped was standing and dancing in place to music without lyrics. Other things that let you move while working (like an exercise ball or exercise bike desk) might help.

I also trained myself to for a while into writing soundtracks. Each story or book has its own soundtrack, and when that soundtrack is on, my brain recognized it was writing time.

I stopped writing anything longhand because with my brand of ADHD, I can never copy it over onto the computer. It’s part of why I have so much trouble editing -- I don’t want to go back over things.

I work out a lot of the story before I even sit down at the computer. I’m most productive in seasons when I can walk home. As I’m walking, I work out plot, dialogue (I learned how to talk under my breath so I don’t look like I’m talking to myself), all that stuff, so that by the time I’m ready to sit down and right, it’s just transcribing what I’ve already worked out in my head.

I found a couple routines that let me get into that hyperfocus space. I used to spend a week at a writing lodge on Toronto Island, and discovered I can pick at a story for months and then dump 40,000 words into the computer in a hyperfocused week.

Everything I write is on Google Drive, so I can write pretty much anywhere I have a tablet. That way I can write when inspiration hits rather than waiting until I get back to the computer and risking losing it.

#ADHD life #writing life #how do you even word?#Anonymous

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builder051 · 6 years ago

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Best of 2018: other stuff

I’ve posted lists of my most popular posts and my favorite pieces of my own writing, but I want to take a second to plug some my favorite other stuff. I’m a pretty big media consumer, despite being a little out of touch with what’s popular and newsworthy. But since I tend to hyperfocus and perseverate, you can rest assured that everything on this list has been tested to the limits and truly loved.

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

Yes, I’m extremely late to the game. If you’re not familiar, this is a live-play fantasy gaming podcast (it started out as D&D, but they’ve expanded) where 3 brothers and their father create amazing adventures with hilarious and relatable characters, perfectly balancing drama with humor and action. It may sound boring, but they’ve created DragonQuest (Balance arc) and Scooby-Doo (Amnesty arc) esque worlds that are easy to get lost in. There’s approximately 100 hours of content so far, so it’s a commitment to catch up, but entirely worth the time.

Books

Sharp Objects and Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

I read Gone Girl years ago, but I was unaware that the author had more books to her name. These are as good as Gone Girl, and arguably creepier. Sharp Objects is beautifully written, with the power of angry words as a central plot point. Dark Places is more suspenseful, and it has more characters, tackling the way in which small actions create ripples in our own lives and those of others. HUGE trigger warnings for both of these. The TWs are spoilers, though, so think of them this way: If you’re a fan of Criminal Minds, you’ll love these books. If you’re not, you probably won’t. Both have emeto in them (and so does Gone Girl). I have a feeling that the author might be a fan of whump. :)

The Adventure Zone graphic novel

See above. They made the podcast into a comic book. It’s genius.

American Vandal

This is a Netflix show that I feel like is simultaneously very popular and something nobody knows exists. It’s been a long time since I lost sleep over a TV show, but I couldn’t rest until I finished the first season. It’s a reality series/documentary following a 15-year-old boy’s quest to investigate a tagging incident for which his classmate has been (wrongfully?) accused. It sounds low-stakes, and it is, compared to something like Serial that investigated a murder, but it rides the line of seriousness and humor that perfectly captures the gravity of teenage life. It’s crass, it’s disgusting, it takes an inordinate amount of time to lay out the details of summer camp hookups and phone pranks, and yet it also shows a boy’s deep-seeded worries about how his actions will affect his college and career choices. The series is amazingly well produced, considering that it’s the product of high school sophomores working out of their school’s media center. It’s the kind of show you’ll watch on the edge of your seat the first time, then continue to giggle at it for weeks afterward.

The Vietnam War

Yes, one of those PBS Ken Burns documentaries. If it’s not your cup of tea, I understand. It didn’t used to be mine. But this isn’t the kind of film you fell asleep to in history class. The narration balances geography, history, and government lessons with real-life anecdotes, all presented with original footage of the most-photographed war. I’m a nut for the era, but it’s an incredibly poignant viewing experience that brings a lot to the table. Segments on music, pop culture, protesting, and the perspectives of various cohorts (African Americans, Viet Cong, those who fled to Canada, nurses, children of refugees, etc.) combine into a patchwork story that’s well worth the viewing time.

Sharp Objects

As discussed above, this is a thriller/mystery adapted from the page to a miniseries for HBO (but google it and you can stream for free). Amy Adams portrays the main character, and it’s about 75% true to the book. It’s not as good as the book, as most of these things turn out to be, but it is good. Lots of angst, illness/injury, emeto, etc. But, as I said, it’s like Criminal Minds in terms of content. TWs abound.

Films

First Man

This is a perfect film. It’s a biopic, and there’s not a lot of action, but it’s thought provoking. It’s exceptionally well-written, the acting is spot-on, and the music and visuals are beautiful. It makes a man’s extraordinary experiences into something intimate and relatable by de-mystifying it. Fight with the wife, swim with the kids, go to the moon, ho hum. Tis the rhythm of life. It’s all presented at the same pace, with much gravity (pun intended) given to body language and well-placed symbolism. It’s definitely a shoe-in for awards, and it’s my pic for Best Picture.

Isle of Dogs

This is a bizarre piece, but it’s genius. A bit like American Vandal in its way of being simultaneously sincere and off the wall, this animated film occupies an awkward collegiate space--it’s not for kids, yet not really geared for adults. It’s funny, cynical, and very sad, though it’s not that kind of sad dog movie (again, spoilers, but I’ll say that it’s ok to get attached to your favorite characters). This film is art, for sure, and it’s also extremely enjoyable.

Boy Erased

This is a tough watch, because the TWs are the plot: A boy struggles to come to terms with his sexuality and recover from the trauma of sexual assault while participating in an abusive conversion therapy course. There are no plot twists. It’s exactly what it sounds like. But the acting is gorgeous, especially Lucas Heges as the main character and Nicole Kidman as his mother. It’s a beautifully angsty movie. It has a largely hopeful ending, but there are almost no lighthearted moments. All the same, it has a satisfying feel, and didn’t make me feel down when I left the theater.

Colette

This is the ceiling-shatterer of this awards cycle. As promised in glimpses of the trailer, it’s ground breaking in its portrayal of female agency and LGBT characters in a historical context. The beginning is a bit slow and Jane Austen-ish, but from the midpoint to the end, there are multiple mind-blowing revelations and shocking lines that take the story from a little known page of history to a spectacle representative of the Parisian salon culture from whence it came.

Cam

I know this is a strange choice. It’s a second-rate, made-for-Netflix pseudo-thriller about camgirls and the horrors of modern technology. The reason it’s on my list, though, is because it’s very obviously meant to compete with Assassination Nation (even using some of the same actors), and, unlike its big-budget counterpart, it actually hits its mark. It forces the viewer to think about the lines between respect and abuse, exploitation and sex work, and the meaning of privacy in an increasingly digitized world,

Art

Artsnacks

Subscription boxes are nothing new, but I’m especially pleased with this one. Instead of just sending stuff, it cultivates a community. You receive a box of 4 to 6 art products (typically a pencil, a couple pens and markers, and a paint and/or brush--things that are expendable, so you don’t accumulate junk even as a long-time subscriber) and a piece of candy. The game is to use all the products in the box to create a piece and post it on social media, then connect with other artists. Artsnacks also releases collections and pushes additional challenges (such as Inktober) that encourage skill development and interaction among participants.

#best of 2018 #laur talks #laur recommends

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softhowerton · 7 years ago

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Ok so i was thinking about this post by @newbads all day and specifically like. When and how did dennis start acting distant around Mac? but i kind of went off on a tangent not rly related to that post so heres on its own, like, sort of a timeline i guess, starting from mortgage crisis and ending with ddl

(i actually started this like a week ago and then got stuck halfway through and now school has started again so i wont probably have time to come back to it like i’d want, so i’m posting it as is and pls feel free to contribute later stuff if u want to :))))

Hypothesis: Dennis is super touchy and affectionate in season 5, freaks out after Break Up when he realises his feelings for mac, temporarily distances himself a little bit for a while (including marrying maureen), but mostly still pretty close. After Mac Day starts getting especially distant and it only gets worse over time, reaches a peak in s12 after Mac comes out in HoHC, and its evident by DDL that this is not sustainable and something drastic has to change.

read more because its fuckn long for a dashboard tbh, sorry

Mortgage Crisis- Dennis cant keep his hands off Mac for this whole episode, even when its unclear whether theyre actually pretending to be a couple yet, hes just Like That. And hes clearly super comfortable with pretending to be a couple, like absolutely no qualms whatsoever, totally willing to give out random superfluous information about their relationship to strangers without a second thought.

Break up- Dennis Realises™ and has this series of expressions before literally blatantly checking Mac out (you could also say the important moment of realisation here is the date at the end and ‘beautiful lips’ but since thats technically not canon lets go with this) He’s clearly panicked about this and even though they make up by the end of the ep theres a definite shift because the next 3 episodes are then:

Dennis aggressively asserting his straightness basically (D.E.N.N.I.S. System)

Dennis aggressively ignoring Mac (to be fair, ignoring everyone else too) (Mac And Charlie Write A Movie)

Not particularly relevant to the larger macdennis plot but does have Dennis complaining abt a homophobic joke so… (Reignites the Rivalry)

Mac Fights Gay Marriage/Dennis Gets Divorced which is Dennis reacting like this to Mac ranting about gay marriage, impulsively marrying Maureen, kicking Mac out, and then divorcing maureen after like 2 days while calling mac his boy toy and pointedly looking at him when he tells maureen he never loved her.

Then we dont really get any more episodes with macdennis teamups (the closest are ones with the whole gang or all the guys) until the end of season 8. But theyre still pretty close and touchy most of the times they are together, and that s8 episode is Dines Out so like, maybe the actual episodes haven’t teamed them up, but Dennis is definitely not what you could call distant at this point yet and certainly not distant enough that Mac has noticed anything.

So arguably the turning point is Mac Day where you get the first time Dennis says he hates mac, after hes faced with country mac who’s kind of an ‘idealised’ version of what our mac could be and points out a lot of his failings just by being there (someone else wrote a thing abt this i dont remember who it was sry but it was really good, if anyone knows the post i mean pls link me and ill add it here because basically: that post.) And also the first non-joking explicit mention of Mac being gay, like the one in Mac’s Banging The Waitress doesnt really seem serious ya know. And then almost immediately after that Dennis tries to confront Mac about facing up to his delusions about himself- nominally about being badass but….in context…

Its also maybe worth noting that they lose the Macdennis ApartmentTM for the first time like 5 episodes later.

Updated hypothesis before i continue: actually Dennis doesnt really seem to get that remarkably distant until like s10- theres definitely a downturn after season 5 but not as sharply as i thought. Early on Dennis seems to act on it in some way every time Mac’s sexuality or their relationship is brought up but each time is pushing it a bit less, either because he gets wary of doing anything too risky after he keeps going back in the closet or because the closer they get to finally being done with Mac being in the closet, the closer they get to Dennis having to deal with his own sexuality. Maybe both. Also, while overall there’s less touching/fondness/sexual undertones than there used to be, when he does, those individual instances are... A Lot.

Ok and then i was gonna talk about Spies Like US, Suburbs, Goes to hell, HoHC, Tends Bar, and DDL but i really dont have time and i typed this in like 6 hours of hyperfocus hell and no longer remember where i was going with it anyway lmao

#macdennis meta #iasip meta #macdennis #idk if this is particularly revelatory of anything lmao its literally a timeline #with some minor observations stuck in #but eh it was fun to make at the time lmao #Can I Riff

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not-just-any-fangirl · 7 years ago

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Pls tell me all the fuck about tenten, also his relationship with Elly :D and also maybe about Elly being the straight faced drama king I assume he is?

Tenkiame Fullbuster

Eldest son of Gray and Juvia

Has many nicknames

My Sun, love, dearest from Juvia

Tenki from most of the guild and his friends and family

Tenten from Elly only

it’s adorable and super gay and honestly, both boys should have known they loved each other long before they finally got together

jk they both needed to grow up a bit before finding one another in that way

He has black hair on top and blue hair underneath

which is much more prominent when he has an undercut or wears it long enough to fit in a ponytail

Elly dies when he grows his hair long enough to fit in a pony tail, particularly when he keeps the undercut and shaves the side of his head

think sokka from atla

He has dark eyes like Gray but shows his emotions openly like his mother

He also got anxiety and depression from his parents!

yay!

hes an angry crier but strangely just kinda shuts off when deeply sad until he’s along and secluded and then goes into a breakdown

never said he had healthy coping mechanisms

in crowds he's v chill and outgoing on the outside but inside he hates everything bcus its all too much and loud and everything is in hyperfocus and his body keeps feling like something terrible is about to happen and like everyone is silently judging him

he also has periods of weeks/months where he just kinda stops... feeling.

He’s v good at acting and pretending he’s fine, but all he really feels is anger and apathy

It takes a couple years but eventually when he’s 15/16 Gray finds him mid anxiety attack in a secluded cellar in the guild during a large post GMG party with a large number of people from every guild

Gray and Juvia are ashamed they never noticed the pain their son was in

Immediately reach out to Porly and get a reference to an expert

talk to Tenki and assure him that he’s not weak or less, and even open up a bit about their own battles with depression and mental illness

bcus you know they both have depression AF

He has a little brother named Kouki

four years his younger

announced he was transgender when he was eight and was met with instant acceptance, understanding, and love

has his mother’s eyes and v light blue hair takes after his father’s tsundere attitude but less extreme

They love one another but also constantly insult and don’t get along that well

but if you look at their brother the wrong way the other will Fuck You Up

While not cold he’s not a very welcoming person at first

people soon learn its just his resting bitch face and that he is a fucking puppy

V dry sense of humour

uses fatalistic humour so much

*guild fight is happening*

*leaf knife comes flying and jabs into the wall just above his head*

Tenki” Next time aim three inches to the right and one down kay thanks

*his favourite curry sauce gets discontinued from the store*

Tenki: This is it. This is when I die.

Kouki, stepping on/over his back and continuing to push the cart: I’ll remember you fondly also I call dibs on your jackets

Tenki: The fuck you do

likes animals but fears them intensely once they’ve passed fluffy baby stage

has difficulty taking no for an answer and keeping his excitement at bay around people he is comfortable with

He is hella bi but leans more towards men than women

has had two boyfriends and a girlfriend before dating Elly

Ranking of serious was the second boyfriend -> girlfriend -> first boyfriend, but the gf lasted the longest while the second bf was a v fast-paced and whirlwind love that ended when the boy had to move to Pernegrade

MAGIC

Uses Ice Make Body magic, a combination of his mother’s water body and his father’s ice magic

his ice is more fluid tho, less rigid and more easily lending itself to live make magic like Lyon

Gray understands how Natsu feels but also refuses to admit it

Lyon was already salty about Natsu being the godfather of his kids and revels in this victory when Tenki trains with him sometimes

He prefers to shift his arms into ice the most, but can do his whole body as a defensive mechanism as the ice is extremely strong

becomes slightly translucent and can be a little offputting

Gray nearly has a heart attack the first time thinking his child just used Iced Shell

it was not a fun afternoon as Gray had a fun little PTSD relapse and has to spend the rest of the day holding his children and his wife in one way or the other

loves feeding his ice to Elly by sending little projectiles at him and watching him chase them and do gymnastics to catch them with his mouth

He decides Elly is his forever love when he’s listening to the Dragneel ramble over his own feelings and not wanting to lose him as a friend

Tenki fuckign melts for Elly and smiles like an idiot when he’s called Tenten.

Holds his nine-month age advantage over Elly’s head

He is also literally like five inches taller and enjoys holding many things over Elly’s head

so that the pink haired boy has to jump and then open himself to Tenki swopping him into nuzzles and hugs and kisses

Elly loves it and pretends to fall for it every time

Their fave activity together when not training or making out is cuddling and judging people together while they sit under a tree in a park

so fucking salty

such judgement

the roast session is amazing

and it only gets better when their siblings joining

it’s fucking legendary

Elly can be dramtique(tm) and Tenki will play along in the dryest and most indecipherable tone so that no one knows if he’s serious or not

he’s not and he’s plainly mocking Elly

Elly knows but doesn’t care

he’s just happy someone is listening to him rant

are so gross with PDA

the grossest

so much lap sitting

and lowkey grinding while dancing

Luna and Kouki bond over wanting the Death having to watch their older brothers be gross together

#fairy tail #ft next gen #gruvia #nalu #elly dragneel #tenki fullbuster #just any hcs #legendarydragondefender #just any answers

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fadinglight123 · 7 years ago

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Also HYPERFOCUSING IS NOT A FUCKING GIFT!!! I CANNOT FUCKING CONTROL WHAT I HYPERFOCUS ON SO MOST OF THE TIME ITS ON SHIT THAT I SHOULDNT HYPERFOCUS ON ANYWAY (*cough* fandoms *cough*)

My hyperfocus is literally the fucking reason I had so much trouble getting through high school with anything higher than a 3.2 GPA and I'm one of the LUCKY ones. I could not do my homework half the time bc I had hyperfocused on something else and wanted to play a specific video game or watch a specific movie or even do a completely different assignment that wasn't due for quite a while over one that was due in less than 24 hours. One time, I shit you not, I sat at my desk just staring at the ceiling and looking around my room while fidgeting instead of trying to finish a huge essay project due the next day that I was only halfway done with. I zoned out like that for 4 hours.

Right now I've got a bit of a hyperfocus on breath of the wild, so I've been playing it for weeks now. Yesterday I didn't anything until my parents got in and made dinner, which basically forced me to stop playing and eat. I didn't eat at all the day before. I had only eaten sparsely over the past couple weeks. Don't fucking tell me that hyperfocus is a gift or useful or not dangerous. I literally hadn't eaten in over 24 hours yesterday.

And I'm relatively lucky because at least I can still mostly function when I need to, even if I can't always get what I need to done. A hyperfocus where I forget to eat is pretty rare (partly bc I've basically been conditioned by years of school to at least stop and have lunch around midday). I am a somewhat functional person despite being currently unmedicated (bc until recently I wasn't even in a position to be diagnosed since my parents are the type where if you don't fit the stereotype of a disorder you don't have it). I know people who require heavy medication to function on a socially acceptable level. ADHD is not a gift. Fuck off with that noise.

Dr. Russell Barkley on ADHD (x)

#one of the fastest ways to piss me off is to insinuate that symptoms of ADHD are not absolute hell to deal with 95% of the time #some people are luckier than others and have found ways to make their symptoms work for them #not all of us can do that though #fuck off if you think we all can

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theseventhhex · 5 years ago

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Electric Youth Interview

Bronwyn Griffin & Austin Garrick

Photo by SECRETSSECRET

Electric Youth’s self-produced ‘Memory Emotion’ is the yang to the ying of their acclaimed debut: whereas ‘Innerworld’ had an inward focus and the immersive atmospherics of a headphones album, the new LP looks outward, exploring a wider spectrum of sounds, moods and tempos, resulting in their most dynamic body of work yet. ‘Memory Emotion’ is much more outer-world, an album focused on the external world we live in and the way in which we interact with the world as a result of the emotions attached to our memories. ‘Innerworld’ was finding that sense of self, developing and establishing a viewpoint, and ‘Memory Emotion’ is Electric Youth taking that viewpoint with us out into the world… The Seventh Hex talks to the gifted duo about being in hyperfocus mode, the Toronto Raptors and arcade games…

TSH: How would you sum-up how your creative partnership evolved as you readied material for ‘Memory Emotion’?

Bronwyn: We’ve always been consistent in how we work creatively together, ever since we started. We’ve known each other since we were 10 years old and learned how to work within each other’s strengths and weaknesses over the years. Naturally we’ve gotten more comfortable and confident with our ideas and that only makes our partnership stronger. Prior to ‘Memory Emotion’, we’d completed one studio album and two scores for feature films, so each of those projects gave us a further level of experience we’d never had before, a maturity we felt while preparing for ‘Memory Emotion’.

TSH: What was the level of focus in studio like as you formed and fleshed out these tracks?

Bronwyn: We’re always working; even when we’re not working we’re subconsciously preparing ideas in our minds. One process on ‘Memory Emotion’ that was different than how we prepared for our first album is that we started with 800 ideas that we were compiling over the last 4 years and narrowed them down to the strongest ideas. When we finally selected the ones we wanted to flesh out, then it was hyperfocus mode in the studio, with two week recording sessions that would result in a finished song each time.

TSH: Tell us more about topics regarding the way in which we interact with the world and the emotions attached to our memories coming into play on this body of work…

Bronwyn: While ‘Innerworld’ was more introspective, it was our intention for ‘Memory Emotion’ to speak on more of the external world. It’s impossible to isolate ourselves from world events, despite the fact that we would like to just create art, because we’re always inundated with information.

Austin: Looking outside of ourselves, these things worked their way into much of the material in the same way these issues work their way into daily conversation. Science has proven the strong link that exists between music, memory and emotion, so we explored playing into that with this record as well and finding ways to bridge a meeting point of all these things, be it musically or lyrically. And whether consciously or subconsciously, the way a person reacts to the world around them has as much to do with the emotional memories attached to their past experiences as anything else. So in that sense, these memories are always a factor in current issues.

TSH: Does working from a place of spontaneity and trial and error help to yield some unexpected results for you both?

Austin: For sure. Spontaneity is in the front seat during the initial stages of an idea, then as we develop it further, once we’re closer to finishing the production, it becomes less about spontaneity and more about the trial and error of different approaches.

TSH: Which parts of the track ‘Real Ones’ did you have to labour over mostly to get the song to sound just right?

Austin: Probably the drums, it’s the perfect example of the trial and error part of the production process for us. I knew I wanted to use layered 70s rhythm box sounds on that one, which isn’t really something we’ve done before. So I went through rhythm box drum sounds from at least 100 different drum machines before arriving on the layering of the dozen or so used on that song.

TSH: Also, what is the track ‘Thirteen’ is in relation to?

Austin: It’s the first time we’ve co-written lyrics with someone outside of the two of us. It’s a song inspired by real life experiences of ours and our co-writer, at the same time it’s very universal experiences of deciding if a relationship is worth making an effort for. In the song it says “two pure hearts since we’re seventeen” but the song is called ‘thirteen’ because we first became a couple when we were thirteen, seventeen just sounds better in a song. It’s not about teen love though, relationships of any age deal with these matters.

TSH: Bronwyn, do you feel there was a particular shift or notable changes with your vocal delivery on this record?

Bronwyn: Not really. If anything I’d say we’ve only refined my vocal sound and really made a point of the vocal performances while recording. You may notice a lot of vocal layers in some of the songs on the record and what you’re actually hearing is a vocal synth we created specifically for ‘Memory Emotion’. Inspired by learning of the process 10cc underwent to do a similar thing for their timeless classic 'Not In Love', for ‘Memory Emotion, we built a sample based synthesizer we call the "B48", consisting of 624 individual samples of my voice, with each note consisting of 48 layers of my voice. It’s a big part of the sound on ‘The Life’ and ‘Breathless’ and ‘Real Ones’.

TSH: What were your intentions when you touched on wanting something more environmentally versatile with this record?

Austin: Creating an album that has songs for different moods rather than one specific mood throughout. By design, ‘Innerworld’ is an album that is much of the same mood throughout, and with it being our first album; we really wanted to make a point of establishing our core sound on that. Almost 5 years later, we’re still really happy with that record, and we accomplished what we intended to with it creatively. So for ‘Memory Emotion’, we wanted to explore different areas on the spectrum of our sound and create songs for different listening environments.

TSH: Are ideas regarding childhood still at the forefront of your minds and seeping into your music?

Austin: Not consciously, but on this album we experimented with what the subconscious effect would be of having certain items from childhood in the studio. Not with the intent of putting childhood memories at the forefront of our minds as much as just giving us a long running sense of self while working, of who we are and where we come from. We wanted to work in as personal of an environment as possible for this album, so we moved our studio from the commercial space it had been in since 2012 into a home studio environment, where we still had access to world class gear but in a space that was home. So we decorated it with things like the rug that was in our childhood living room, and art that used to be on our walls.

TSH: How rewarding has it been on your journey so far for you both to be honest with yourselves by not compromising creatively?

Austin: We’ve been so fortunate in that the things we’ve done that have resonated the most with audiences so far, have been the things we’ve been the most honest and uncompromising with. We’re happy to know that following our heart and coming from a place of true emotion with our work has done the best for us.

TSH: Which recent soundtracks have you been most impressed by lately?

Austin: In the last year or so, the First Man Soundtrack from Justin Hurwitz, Phantom Thread from Jonny Greenwood, Suspiria from Thom Yorke, and Cliff Martinez’s score for Nic Refn’s Too Old to Die Young. We wrote a couple songs for the series that didn’t end up in it, but Cliff’s score is really one of his best, the series didn’t end up requiring much in the way of songs outside of the score.

TSH: Have you managed to play any arcade games recently?

Austin: We haven’t been able to keep up with video games for years; our plan is to catch up when we’re retired. We still play old classic arcade games once in a while though and have a small collection of our own. The most recent we’ve played are A.P.B, Toobin and Galaga (Bronwyn’s Favourite).

TSH: Assuming you’re both NBA fans – your thoughts on the Raptors bringing joy to Toronto?

Bronwyn: Honestly, we don’t watch basketball that often, or many sports for that matter, but this was historic for the city. We couldn’t help but watch, and feel a sense of pride for Canada and the city of Toronto specifically. It was an opportunity for the city to connect. Never before have I seen so many Toronto Raptors fans wearing merch on the streets to support their city.

Austin: Drake is also a driving force for Toronto and the international profile of the city today, so it was only right that he’s been involved with the Raptors the way he has. He really broke some glass ceilings that had been in place in Toronto until he came along. He’s made a lot more people proud of where they come from and this year with the Raptors has been another glass ceiling broken.

TSH: What matters most with your musical endeavours as you look ahead?

Bronwyn: We look forward to touring ‘Memory Emotion’ in 2020, and getting deeper into the world of scoring film and creating our third studio album. Our next release will be the soundtrack to a film we scored last year that will be out next year, we don’t want to get in trouble so we can’t say the title yet.

Austin: It’s only been a few weeks since the release of ‘Memory Emotion’ so we’re really looking forward to it making its way out into the world further. In a lot of ways we’re still just getting started, there’s still a wealth of creativity to explore, we look forward to the next few years.

Electric Youth - “ARAWA”

Memory Emotion

#Interview #Electric Youth

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