#most of the jokes ive made have just been really fucking stupid shit like saying i relate to ken from the barbie movie

[mausolealdrift]

i think im like. Seriously cancelled or whatever within my circle of mutuals on instagram omfg this shits funny as fuck dude. i mean it’s doing awful things for my paranoia and trust issues but it is also fucking hilarious

[pathetickuroo]

fukutora hcs bc theyre funny

- fukunaga shohei #1 lover of badddd bad bad bad movies. terrible films. not good. we're talking sharknado snakes on a plane willys wonderland velocipastor that one thanksgiving slasher film that i cant remember the name of rn (dont think abt the mechanics of it being a thanksgiving movie too hard). generally not a movie enjoyer i think but most certainly clocking in for shit that is Not Good

- tora is baffled every time but definitely not opposed to it (this guy loves cuddling on the couch i think he hits the fake yawn arm around shoulders maneuver like. regularlyyyy and fukunaga doesnt even pretend to think its silly anymore)

- "shohei this movie doesnt even make any sense" "🤷"

- tora the hugger from behind of All Time he is finding any possible excuse. "u look cold" or "makin up for lost time" or "i have practice in an hour plsss plssssss just let me have this PLSSSSSSS" (he uses that one in particular a lot) (fukunaga wouldnt have said no in the first place) (he thinks its cute so he doesnt say anything abt it)

- repressed-as-hell hs tora did not quiteee know what to do w whatever tf he had goin on so he didnt get the guts (ha) to say anything until a couple years after graduation (which he then said over text bc yokohama -> tokyo = long distance)

- fukunaga conveys thoughts in as few words as possible (which is fucking awesome btw if fukunaga has no fans it means ive died) BUT in order to preserve the meaning it sometimes takes a second to respond

- tora did Not have a good time attempting to navigate this when he was trying to confess

- bro immediately started freaking out to yaku "DUDE WHY DID I DO THAT THAT WAS SO STUPID" "omfg its fukunaga give him a second. impatient ass" "I THINK IM DYING" "jfc"

- meanwhile in tokyo fukunaga was staring at "i rly like u dude" trying to figure out if tora meant like (homie) or like (w/gay intent)

- fukunaga only ever calls tora by his full government given name when he is Displeased. tora used the pan he needed for dinner tn so now he has to wash it? taketora. tora rearranges his living room w no warning? taketora. doesnt even say it in a mean/angry tone or anything j matter of fact as all hell. honestly i think if fukunaga was ever genuinely angry abt smth hell would probably freeze over

- tora does get extremely pouty abt it tho. "shoheiii what did i do :(" "the pan" ".......OH FUC—"

- when tora first moved to yokohama he got a cat bc of course he did he graduated from nekoma. tf else was he supposed to do, get a dog? (maybe in the future)

- very very fluffy very cute very sweet tuxedo girl. her name is "destroyer" (yes really) he calls her badass on the reg and she is sooo cuddly w him. fukunaga finds all of this extremely funny

- in fact when fukunaga starts visiting suddenly destroyer doesnt gaf abt tora anymore. worse than pain of death in his opinion it is So Not Fair. first thing fukunaga does after he meets the cat is send a pic to the old nekoma gc "top 10 cats that like me more than they like their owners" tora throws a pillow at him "i RAISED her from a BABY" "did u rly" ".....NO BUT IT AINT RIGHT"

- after theyve been together a few months toras thinkin abt how fukunaga used to Never Talk Ever and he makes a joke "ha i guess i learned how to speak BODY language am i right. right shohei. thats funny right"

- fukunaga calls him taketora for a week. tora retires that joke permanently and they never speak of it again

- tora morning person fukunaga not-exactly-a-night-owl-but-doesnt-love-being-awake-at-5:30 person. one time fukunagas in yokohama for the weekend he wakes up at 6 annoyed as hell (tora got up at 5 and left for a run) bc wtf his pillow literally got up and walked away. falls back asleep wakes up again at 10 tora made not only coffee but pancakes too AND heated them up for him hes immediately like ok nvm this is fine actually no complaints (<- still gets annoyed when his human teddy bear ditches him)

- TORA BABE SAYER. hey babe thanks babe i missed u babe. but it took him foreverrrrrr (forever) to get comfortable actually saying it instead of thinkin inside so there was also (and still is) a lot of dude (romantic) bro (romantic) man (romantic).

- fukunaga doesnt like saying pet names or anything (but to be fair does he like saying ANYTHING most of the time) but does not mind being called them at all (that's a lie he thinks it's awesome and so so so sweet but when tora asks if it's okay he says he doesn't mind)

[benzobucky]

🌎 OPERATION HOT CHIMP

For TOO LONG the DD fandom has been in shambles, ppl arguing spreading misinfo, straying from the original concept etc. Remember when we were supposed to make Nananana the most viewed video on Youtube, yea that didnt pan out did it.

Well I believe i have a solution....🤯🤯

July 26 is going to be a WORLD WIDE DANGER DAYS BLAST. We're going to post fics, hcs, art, cosplays, vids etc to show ppl that were back with a force. 💥🙌

Im setting some ground rules for this content and all DD content going forward. ive thought about them for a while and i think theyre fair. new rules for OPERATION HOT CHIMP are as follows,

🦍 No sayin you wanna fuck Tommy chow/lo mein, witch or that clown guy

🦍 Vayas not going to fuck you either so just let that one rest

🦍 OCs are fine but no more crossovers. i dont think sherlocks gonn show up in the zones to say "hmmmm i have a mystery for...............PARTY POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

🦍 OC names can only have 2 words, noone cares how many dracks Toxic Orgy Bomb Shit Chromatic Biscuits Pie has killed

🦍 Tbh OC names should be more original in general, theyve all got named like Titty Detonator, for exmaple mines called Ricky Bobby (my fav will ferell movie), its laid back, funny movie reference etc also hes a racecar driver like the real Ricky bobby

🦍 Dr. Death Defyings real name is not "Steve." Its charles

🦍 Power Pup is made from DOG FOOD not "grinded up exterminators"

🦍 No more sayin Kobra kid is 🇬🇧british. Tbh the royals probably died in the wars, and thats a huge part of the "Being british package"

🦍 If you write/draw stuff about the four you HAVE to include the girl. "i dont like her shes boring" idc, the girl is the center of dd, she keeps fun ghoul from doin stupid stuff like sticking his dick in the mailbox and yellin "FORGIVE THIS BITCH"

Rn ppl outside the dd fandom make fun of us, sayin "haha its the wierd sewer of the mcrmy."

Thats bc they see the DD fandom as 💥💥💣🤮🙄🙄😑😐💣 But with OPERATION HOT CHIMP, i know we can turn it into 💿💃🍡🦍👈⛽🍆🤯🛴💰🗿

Call it CODENAME GORILLA when your around non-DD ppl (normies). We're going to blow their minds with the biggest blast the MCRmy has ever seen🤯🤯 July 26, write it down 📝

No this is not a joke....someone needs to straighten things up around here....might as well be me🤌

As Ricky Bobby said shake....and BAKE🤛

I understood mostly nothing but i really dig your vibe, gotta draw something for it

LET'S GO DD COMMUNITY 👊👊👊👊💥💥💥💥💥⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

Also I think we should try to make Danger Days tag trending on that day

[surlifen]

guide to surlis sonas

aka an excuse to Poast Images and drone on because I love to do that!

current main sona I think and closest to a truesona: this otter guy who remains unnamed because all the names that are my name have already been used at this point LMAO

art by nepeteaa and by me! I'd honestly draw him more often if he weren't hard to draw? surli was easy because. Fox. (and Generic Thin whereas my body type is, while still pretty thin, specific in a way that's hard for me to draw) and honestly I enjoy drawing him more oTL.... otters are super hard to stylize cutely + in a way that looks Like Me... surli does not look Like Me teebeehaiche

surli fennec surlifen main sona of the past and still like... kind of me it's complicated

imbages by jilf and vhsdruid

i kinda ended up disconnecting from his Design as a Whole and the alt palette didn't really fix it but nonetheless he's never leaving my possession. it's weird cause my brain can really only connect fully to one character per Thing/Setting as a Sona who is Me so ever since splitting off into otter I don't feel FULLY connected to either the way I once did to surli :( but I am experimenting with having multiple sonas and maybe ill try that thing people do where they also do sonas for different Aspects of themselves so I don't just have an army of Normal Nice Blonds

pokesona: liam

art by me, cicadaghost, me

not much 2 say he is me pokemonned! he's much Smaller Cuter than I am and I really enjoy his simple design + imagining him in the pokemon world :3 like what berries he'd like best and what specific cities/landmarks he hangs out at... hiking in ilex forest and visiting the national park yk

lee: bunny....sona....?

art by me, purrker

he was a bit of an experiment in "CAN I have more than one fursona?" and also "CAN I make a sona who isn't Exactly Like Me?" i've always seen people whose sonas have Supernatural Elements and been like how can you do that. I respect it so much but if EYE am a normal human person how can I connect to something with strange abilities and qualities. and I still couldn't go so far as like... my friend whose sona is an honest to god several stories tall kaiju with a backstory and shit, but lee has supernatural luck and a connection to/control of storms/lightning because that's sick and awesome and cool. and also glows and has cool antlers when he wants. he's not as me as the others but he's there and he's not... NOT me?

fucking... willie dustice, silver city "self-insert" joke guy

unfortunately I DO love his stupid ass. you know how sometimes in a comic or animated show there'll be some obscure reference to one of the creators or someone on the team like as a gag that goes over most people's heads well he's supposed to be that. his appearance is me at my worst (needs haircut + shave) and he has the OP superpower of putting people in pocket dimensions of altered reality he controls entirely but he ONLY uses it to make stupid filler bottle episodes like They All Have To Play Softball or Beach Episode or whatever. represents my oft-abused ability as a creator to Put Those Guys in a Situation. he's not so much a sona (cause if I made a silver city sona it would be genuine not this greasy freak) but he sure is Representative of Me.

horse: horse

i was challenged to make a horsesona. I don't plan to do anything with him but kept him around because I liked his design. someday I might make a more natural horse sona for in case I ever joined some kind of equine rp setting or some shit equivalent but for now my sparklehorse

spinxynsona: coast

art by capricorne, me, me

coasty woasty... made for the nephfei world for the spinxyn closed species. first closed species sona ive ever had and i think hes neat! nephfei is such a well designed world that is really conducive to stories and characters influencing each other's arcs but coast is just some guy he's just there. he just lives there and minds his own business. (he has no gifts or curses so nothing really requiring a Story) but maybe i should get him some Friends at least maybe i can have a sona who has Story OC Friends from other people and still be like yes thats me if i was friends with everybody's ocs

dnd character who was based on me: august

art by me, thembodino

it was suggested since I have a very hard time being In Character (i get so self conscious) that I start with a character similar to myself! so august is incredibly Just Me FR. if i were to go on an adventure i would be bad at it and terrified. his campaign is suspended due to Life but i accidentally, due to knowing nothing, picked a pretty OP blend of stats that has made him bizarrely competent (not like. the best in the party or anything but he really can hold his own and once like critted twice and turned invisible and flew and killed a dragon) and honestly that's hilarious and I like it for him

that's it! the rest of my characters are just characters not sonas though I still love them dearly, some of them even more than some of my sonas i won't name names though ty if you made it this far. i love to Talk

[nickmpreg]

been meaning to ask for awhile now and now I feel brave enough to, can I hear about the fanverse incident

claps my hands together . so this might get long you’re just going to have to bear with me . some details may be foggy in my head because it’s been probably a year since ive cared or really paid much more attention than what my friends told me to it but this is , essentially , what i remember the most and what makes the fanverse a fucking disaster

so the fanverse predates the Republican donation stuff by about a year . when it was announced i think the games that stood out the most to people were the joy of creation , popgoes , candy’s , flumpty’s , and the fnaf 1 remaster ( that i’ll spend so much time on . there’s so much stuff on phisnom alone ) . TJOC and candy’s don’t really have a lot to say on them , because the creators are normal people ( ? ) who just wanted to make fnaf fan projects , and if they could make some money via assistance from Scott by means such as selling on steam and possible merchandise , of course they were gonna take it

i don’t wanna say that the cracks started to show when the creator of flumpty was outed as a pedophile and openly admitted to it and banned himself from any online space to go better himself or whatever , but i will say that you could probably guess things were only going to go downhill from there when Scott made no public statement . i guess if you’re a dick rider you can argue that fnaf has an audience of children who don’t really need to be hearing a lengthy statement from the series creator about how pedophilia is a bad thing because Obviously , but he Has made statements about that before . he cut ties with pinkypills ( supposedly ) because of her comics that portrayed william as a pedophile . this isn’t meant to come off as a defense of pinkypills because she’s a genuinely terrible person , but one would think that a real life human person grooming a minor and admitting to it would be worse than possibly having someone read a comic that would have others perceive your fictional character as a pedophile . moving on

popgoes is being developed by kane carter who’s his own brand of something . he has such a bad tendency of saying stupid shit on his Twitter and then when someone goes ‘hey man this sounds a little stupid’ he will bug out and post some heated rant before going nuclear and locking his account , rinse and repeat for however many years it’s been . <- that’s why i joke that i have beef with him . because he did that to me circa 2020 when i made a joke about his old sister location theory about it being an underground sex dungeon or something He just had to make sure i knew at 14 years old that he wasn’t serious ! and it was a product of lack of knowledge of the time or whatever . i don’t hold that against him btw i just think it’s objectively a little funny . i think in terms of fanverse reception popgoes is still held in a really high regard because it seems to be one of the only projects that’s still actually being fucking worked on . if kane carter wasn’t such a fucking bizarre guy on his Twitter im sure that he’d still have a crumb of good faith left to anyone other than the people who have been following him since he made popgoes as a one off thing and probably feel some sort of obligation to keep going

Stares At You . and phisnom . phisnom is a special guy . he was the one who was assigned to remake fnaf 1 but make it Scarier or something . i feel it’s important to say that phisnom has gone on record saying that redesigns ( such as the ones in analog horror ) that just take the base design but make it grimy and ‘scarier’ are lazy and don’t actually add anything to their base design . i don’t inherently disagree with his take but seriously look at this

yeah man you’re really dodging the ‘making it scarier just because’ allegations with this one . i honestly think that aside from the joy of creation which is just like a really impressive fan game this was probably the second most hyped up one because it was being sold as a remake to the first and it was being funded by Scott’s money . objectively for the time it felt a little bit cool and i drew fan art for it ( which i still think is cute . i wish that phisnom didn’t suck so much fucking cock and balls so that i didn’t feel bad about looking at it but it’s whatever )

where the problems with phisnom reach a head is that he’s a cunt . like really just a cunt i don’t know how else to put it . there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting to have an audience of adults or whatever especially if the thought of having an audience of children makes you uncomfortable there is Nothing wrong with that , but when you sign on to make a remake of FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS you need to know what kind of fan base you’re signing up for .

phisnom’s twitter is 18+ , but he would get interactions from minors all the time . whether or not you blame the minors is up to you i guess but Again , when you’re posting about your five nights at Freddy’s project unless its just straight up porn it’s kind of absurd to think that everyone here is going to be a strong hearty adult . like let’s be so for real we all know the adults in the room aren’t funding your fan game .

what you probably heard is that after he played the ruin dlc he didn’t like it . since the dlc had just come out it had its recency bias and a kid replied to his tweet about it and then phisnom quote retweeted them and inadvertently sent his audience who aren’t stalking him for fnaf over to this child and send him gore and porn . obviously a person can’t control what their fan base does but when people were like ‘hey dude your community is sending a child gore and porn’ instead of making a tweet like ‘i don’t want you guys to do that’ he posted an ‘apology’ that just led back to a rick roll . obviously at this point he kind of just looks like an edgy child and people go to their lord and savior Scott Cawthon to get something done

by the way , i didn’t mention this yet , but this phisnom stuff happened in like July-august of last year , so it’s not like this was that long ago . that being said you also have to wonder Hey . where’s fnaf+ by now . because that was also the question that a lot of people ran back to . so you’re getting funded by both Scott cawthon and an audience of fans who are expecting a project that the creator himself managed to shit out in about a month , while you’ve been given three years to recreate some source material and you’re not done yet ? what’s taking so long ?

all of this combined into one melting pot led fnaf+ to getting canceled . go figure . scott never released his own statement on it because he’s off doing god knows but phisnom did , which basically said he’s done with fnaf and don’t ask about it or fnaf+ as a project anymore because he’s not completing it and he would like to do other project .

im sure there’s stuff i missed because of the aforementioned brain fog all the way at the start but yes . the fanverse is a fucking disaster . the joy of creation and candy’s are pretty good though

[questionablepastries]

large vent

tw: suicidal ideation

I need to type this out for my own sanity. But also the entire purpose is on the off chance that someone reads this and, in some way, relates to what I'm experiencing. Not the entirety of it, but a part of it, would be enough for me to justify sharing my experiences. Normally, I would have written this out in a diary but something tells me that by sharing it and letting people they are not alone would be more beneficial than keeping this to myself. To preface everything, these are first world problems. All of this spiraling - ok first off my behavior towards what is really the most minor of all triggers is annoyingly blown over. All that happened was that someone i thought i could have befriended more given time and more chats- just one day decided i wasnt worth being (and i hate typing this) mutuals with.

What made me laugh was the idea of describing my lil hissy fit emotional tantrum to my boomer absolutely not online coworkers and they would all most likely laugh about it. But the more i thought about losing this mutual, the question i kept going back to was why? why was i blowing this out of proportion? what even caused this big of a reaction in me? well first off, i was really riding on the hope to get to know them better. i really wanted to be friends with them. the great thing about online friendships is that it eliminates any barriers that would be present if someone tried to make friends with you in person. you dont worry about smelling bad, looking weird, stuttering, bad posture, etc. so truly i was thinking if our interests aligned enough and we cracked some jokes we had something, that could blossom into something cool. instead it didnt and they just dropped me entirely out of nowhere, and me being my silly self thinks somehow its my fault.

honestly though im sure they were going through something - like they would constantly post about wanting ppl to unfollow them and me going oh that cant be about me surely, nah it was most definitely about me. i cant nail down what it was though, did i not reach out enough? did i joke too much? was i too little was i too much. unfortunately, with the lack of a physical barrier im taking this as a personal fault that I Really messed something up. Something about me as a person is inherently undesirable and therefore not worth putting in the time or effort to talk to -- there must have been something off about me for this to have played out the way it did, right? I keep running scenarios in my head like oh what if i reached out more, or what if i responded in a different way that one time -- as if it can change the outcome of what has happened but. all of this. all of this emotional self inflicting stupid reaction im having stems from my own struggles in real life to make friends. this has been a running trend all my 28 years (yeah 28!) and.. to bring myself back to reality and to keep my emotions from spilling over. I came up with a good strategy.

I always ground myself by saying to myself in a silly voice as if one would calm down a pet "are you punishing yourself for having become the person you are today due to your shitty environment/upbringing that you had no control over" and "are you punishing yourself for factors out of your control Again? eye roll come on now" and thats literally how ive been grounding myself this entire time whenever i get really uncomfortable with how i am as a person in real life. and yeah honestly my upbringing sucks ass it sucks soooo much. i have no extended family and it has never been more obvious since i became conscious as a toddler to this day that my extended family on both sides absolutely does not give a shit about me nor my immediate family. my immediate family being my mom and my sister. my mom and my sister are my ONLY family. side note and i mean this semi-jokingly: if you have a family fuck you. when my coworkers talk about their uncles or their aunts or their grandparents or how they were raised by their grandparents or how they hung out with their cousins and how they went on vacations, or how they spent time with their dad. i feel this massive vacancy in my heart that is a placeholder of what i want so desperately to have happened. i feel like those scenarios they describe to me are just not possible, families only exist on tv shows, and christmas specials, thats not a real thing. it has never been a reality for me. unrelatable. all of it. and as a first generation child from immigrants (lets not even get into my dad we havent spoken to him in over a decade) my only memories are of food stamps, being smelly in school because my mom could literally not afford the time to take care of me or afford a baby sitter, my stuttering, my inability to join extracurricular activities due to money, all of it added up to my ostracization throughout the entirety of my school years.

& as a child on welfare it was very much drilled into me that the only escape from poverty is through education and i took that very seriously. im a fucking scientist now i passed the national exam to get where i am. where i failed socially didnt matter to me back then as long as i had good grades, grades were All that mattered to me. and i succeeded. but not without some draw backs. ive always been an awkward person. i have a couple of friends few and far between in person. its literally three people that i keep in contact with in real life and i am extremely grateful that they reach out to me but its also like. i gotta do better lol one of them forgot my birthday this year and the other one only texted me 'birth' on my birthday, the last one he's a keeper - we're basically brothers and he always checks in on me, but he doesnt live in the same state as me. so all of that is to say. When this person broke mutuals it kind of made me, or rather for my own sanity, seriously re-evaluate my relationship with how i spend my free time, and who and what exactly am i placing value in. this person absolutely does not care about me and i dont expect them to. and given what little we had in terms of an online friendship i guess i let my hope of a cool friendship with them blind me to the reality of what we actually had. time and time again i have placed more hope and love into online individuals that do not reciprocate - and usually they just drop the ball on me. which is like ok. im sure i was either too little or too much i can never accurately gauge how intense i am due to, you know, Lack of Real Life Experience. oh right the suicide thing, so like for the longest time i struggled with suicidal idealization - it only stopped until i graduated about two years ago. In my pre-teens to late teens i told myself that if i was in the same scenario where my mom and my sister are my only family but we were well off i would definitely have killed myself.

I decided as a pre-teen that my only worth was how high i could get into my academics in order to lift my mom out of poverty. that was the Singular Only driving factor that kept me alive. kinda. damn that sucks to write out lol but its true! that was my mantra back then and i would repeat it anytime something shitty happened to me or someone was mean to me. im not sure where im going with this. i just wanted to get it out there, that i was and still am very lonely in person, and whats funny is that im not even like ugly im just average, i hung out with my sister and dolled myself up a bit for my birthday and we went to the mall and three guys hit on me unprompted so its definitely not a looks thing - SPEAKING OF when i got into uni and moved into an apartment with four roomates i was like this is my YEAR, im gonna go out SO MUCH im gonna walk around campus im gonna go out late and do school clubs!! and then covid happened. the apartment lease was worthless. i stayed indoors exactly the same amount as i always did only this time it was justified, but it sucked because that was the time i had decided i was going to break my cycle of staying inside holy shit that fucking sucked. and then my senior year of college i didnt need to stay in an apartment anymore because i was required to be in a hospital four days out of the week for training so i ended up back at my moms. i think there is something wrong w me tho bc im not saying it was being poor that led to me being awkward. but it didnt help, and im gonna go ahead and blame my lack of a support group - family wise, my entire life, on how uh. i came out. lately im trying to reel back how blunt i am. which. uh. hmm. i actually have a large language barrier with my mom. somehow i picked up on understanding spanish but not speaking it perfectly, it improved, im way better at speaking it now.

but i could hardly communicate with my mom while growing up, and she never expressed interests in my hobbies or who i was as a person, to this day i am and will forever be a 7 year old toddler in her eyes. she still shows no interest in me as a person or who i am. which is fine with me, ive accepted that she wont change, because she grew up in a more messed up environment and this entire time only until Recently, she had been on breadwinner providing for my two daughters survival mode. um. so , like i mentioned. that person breaking mutuals just shone a light on how, broken i am as a person? you would think, without physical barriers the sky is the limit when it comes to befriending people but no i still struggle i cant do anything right i suppose. i just need to focus on improving my life outside of online spaces. people online will reach out of they want to and can so im trying to lessen my hopes in general. and um. idk im at a loss for words currently. i simply dont know where to begin when it comes to , anything? living? hmm. i only just escaped school so i feel like i can breath - air for once. im no longer under the scary pressure of - if i fail at school im better off dead- ohh i think i know what i can add - offline people are WEIRD. ive had a couple of hiccups with friends irl that i literally dont talk to anymore! one of them became a misogynist red pill guy, another guy kept trying to touch me every time we hung out! and the last guy kept telling me to fuck off when i asked how he was doing!! hmmm. yeah this is just circling back to my current mantra which is to not be overly mean to myself for how i am currently due to my , situations leading up to now. I DONT KNOW. here's hoping..!! something !! anything is nice to me!! ohhhh i remembered something else. recently my coworker exchanged numbers w me saying something about haning out with other coworkers in the future. i am so desperately trying not to get my hopes too high up. always happens tho!!!!!!!! i get my hopes up when it comes to making friends both offline and online!!!!!! and guess what keeps happening again and again!!! HAHA………..can i have hope this time??? do u know once i tried reaching out to a mutual i wanted to befriend and get closer to (we were calling each other friends by this point) on Three Separate Platforms i knew they were active on only for them to Not respond to Anything i sent? AND i didnt even reach out three times in a row I Spaced It Out like a Normal Person. Only for Them to Tell me how they were having Fun in Their Friend Group of Other Online People talking about our Mutual Interests. Do you know how fucking stupid i felt at that moment. Oh im sorry am i not cool enough to be invited to that. Am i too stupid what is it about me thats so repellent??

I know its common courtesy to not be straight to people and tell them whats wrong with them but damn i wish someone would be straight with me and Not leave me hanging UGH. I realized at that moment tho that I never wanted to BE that desperate EVER AGAIN. I felt like such a stupid asshole holy shit. I never want to be that desperate for some onlines person attention ever again oh my god,, i dont think ill ever forgive them for that. its all on me though!!!!!!!!! mY FAULT!!!!!!!, for placing Value and i guess getting my Hopes up that i could make friends again WHOOPSIES i forgot im fuckin uhhh Ultra stinko Stupid Bitch who cant maintain any sort of relationship!!! back to the ditch on the side of the road i go to drink my stupid pond water like the unlovable unwarranted piece of shit nobody wants to hang out with again!!!!!!!! MY BAD!!!!!!! SO SORRY TO BOTHER. well its whatever i got money now, i have a job. and as much as i would like to say well earning money is all that matters right? its not. im a greedy greedy jealous little sniveling BITCH and my heart will never stop yearning for what others take for Granted. SO YEAH LOL. this has felt great to type out!! if you relate to any of that...um... Im sorry!!!!! we all in this together. but maybe not really im just gonna be kept at arms length with literally anyone i try to befriend offline due to me bein a little weirdo who cant relate to anything haaa,,, i want to end this on a positive note but fuck that! This is where im currently at and this is my current predicament! Will it improve? sure if i put some effort into myself and spend less time online and stop putting rakes on the ground to step on. i literally set myself up for getting hurt everytime ill figure out a way to make the pain hurt less.

[kasaneteto]

sorry i simply must complain for a moment

ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you

MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.

i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!

he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.

ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.

its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.

i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol

[davestriderascend]

the homestuck reread, pt 6

ive finished it. the main comic, anyway. theres still all the bonus content to slog through and the postcanon stuff, but i finished the main comic, and you know what? i think thats a feat enough all on its own. so heres the recap of the end, from act 6 act 6, on.

heres the previous recap, and heres the first one if youre new.

act 6 act 6s intermissions and subacts works according to similar rules as act 6 acts 1-5. the acts are short and all about homosuck (excepting the last one), while the intermissions are where literally everything else is happening. that said,

Act 6 Act 6 Act 1

this is the beginning of homosuck. its just, absolutely classic homosuck. at the end, caliborn corrupts the game file, creating the glitches that plague most of the a6a6 intermissions. homosuck is, of course, fucking hilarious and meta and the stupid art style lives rent free in my brain and i find myself drawing in it constantly. basically, i had a good time. theres not much else to say.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1

we pick up where we last left off with the introduction of grimbark jade, crockertier jane, and hics plot. the kids have been split up among the planets, and roxy and jake are in jail. john is struggling to control his retcon powers, and hops around time and space mucking things up, while jade tries to chase him down. this is where the big character selection screens and unclickable characters joke really gets going.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 2

this is the section of homosuck where john teleports himself into the narrative and bitches a lot about how much it sucks.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 2

this is where things start building up to game over. aranea inserts herself into the narrative. jake goes ultra hope mode. jade dies. jake dies, but gets better. terezi beats the shit out of gamzee. jade joins callie in the furthest ring, and jane might too? idk. tbh, intermissions 1-3 kind of blend for me. which is obviously bc theyre a part of one big overarching narrative.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 3

this is the part of homosuck with the animes. this also may have had some kind of impact on how i doodled growing up. this is also the part where john beats caliborn up. the act ends with the game over animation, which leads directly into the following intermission with no real clear separation between them.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 3

this is the part where everyone dies. well, the intermission as its marked on the hs map is literally just condy killing aranea, mostly, but the game over animation leading up to it kills everybody. john is the sole survivor.

The Characters

i think here, therefore, is where i must give my final thoughts on the pre-retcon versions of characters. dave and karkat are a lot closer than i remembered- i thought we as a fandom kind of made that shit up? but they are, in fact, besties. jakes crybaby breakdown in these three intermissions is.... well theres a lot to unpack around jakes ideas of masculinity and how hes sexualized and smarter people than me have done it, so i probably wont. otherwise idk that i have like, super coherent thoughts that are worth getting into.

on the whole, the pre-retcon versions are more dysfunctional, more insecure, and more toxic in their relationships. they dont spend as much time with each other as they mean to, they dont look out for each other as much as they wish they had, and theyre all so insecure all the time about everything, especially the meteor crew.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 4

caliborns tablet is broken, and so hes back to his shitty straight line doodles. the whole act is literally just him bitching and moaning about how hard his life is as a pitiable little guy.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 4

this is the one where terezi tells john how to go back in time and fix everything. roxy and john both make deals with their denizens to survive, which means that all other versions of john and roxy will die in every other timeline. roxy has a funeral for rose, vriska and meenah start dating and sort of give up on all of their plans, and terezi and john pitchflirt a lot. this is also the act where jane and jade hang out w calliope and talk about what happened before they woke up w her.

The Characters

something i thought was worth noting is that in this intermission, both jade and jane confess that grimbark and crockertier essentially removed their consciences and allowed them to follow through on thoughts or desires they usually wouldnt express- meaning a lot of the nasty things they say are their actual feelings, deep down. theyre both really ashamed of it all, particularly because they meant the things they said. i think reviewing these sections of hs will be really important for character analysis relating to the two of them.

we also learn that roxy just like. really likes funerals, for some reason. it feels like a mirror of dave, and daves interest in dead things.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 5

this is the claymation homosuck, that tells the story of the juju said to defeath le and how le came to be. this is also where that big stupid animation involving illuminati and le's timeilne comes from.

i remember when homestuck ended that whole juju thing was like, the BIGGEST plothole left behind that made everyone nuts. how did they get in the juju??? DID they defeat le??? how did they get to a point where they could do that?? when tf did they all go back in time and fight caliborn like that??? the epilogue tried to answer these questions, but with how much success is largely up for debate.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5

vriskagram. this is the part with all of those reunion conversations, with the plans to take out the bosses, with the sprite prototypings, with meenah and (vriska)s breakup, with tavros assembling an army, with the pre retcon terezi and vriska finding each other in the afterlife, with caliborn approaching his denizen, with jade, jane, and callie finding alt callie and waking up (callie coming back to life), and with the kids splitting off into groups to finally take on the bosses. everything right up until collide is right here.

The Characters

i have to comment on this. post-retcon, the kids are so much more... mellowed out. theyre in healthier, stable relationships, theyve matured a lot, they talk through their problems, and the nature of the act in general is such that the jokes take a backseat to genuine feelings and reunions and elaborating on relationships weve been waiting to see the payoffs for for ages. its setting up for closure, and it makes the following act hit so much harder for sure.

in retrospect, i think this is probably part of the reason so many people were averse to the epilogues. i genuinely dont think the tone of the epilogues is significantly different from early hoemstuck, its classically hussie in a way that i never questioned reading it for the first time, possibly bc in addition to reading hs i had in fact also read ps, jb, and bq, so id just been exposed to more of it. i also revisited logs a lot, and i think most people didnt. instead, their last and strongest memories of hs was this incredibly sincere, sweet act, which is really a MASSIVE outlier.

anyway, things that i thought were of note: jake hates crowds. not only is he really uncomfortable, but roxy backs this up by commenting on how reluctant he was to spend time w the whole group in their session, and john makes a similar comment about jades gpa liking his space so much that he moved to an island.

dave tells dirk that he hasnt told anyone else about his bro and never would, including karkat by name. he feels that dirk is the only one he really can talk to about it, and the only reason he spoke to dirk about it in the first place is bc dirks existence is just uniquely distressing enough to trigger a breakdown where he blurts it out. also on the topic of dave, i think dave first mentions paleontology pre-retcon, rather uncertainly, as something he could have gotten into but never did, to the point where hes not even sure if paleontology is the right word to describe his interest. as the comic goes on, he seems to become more confident in asserting that he wouldve liked to become a paleontologist.

callie, terezi, and jade all struggle with feelings of insecurity and worthlessness, either because they feel that they have no purpose, because they feel empty somehow, or because they feel secondary to an alternate self.

despite dvekat """""officially"""""" getting together in post-canon content, theyre alluded to being together in this act, with terezi and vriska stating that theyve settled into some kind of quadrant, japrose saying karkat has a matesprit, and daves intense aversion to answering any questions about romance, suggesting that he may be in a relationship and too embarrassed to talk about it. theres room for debate, i guess, but it really read to me like they were already together and just quiet asf about it.

anyway my favorite conversation in this act is by far the one between roxy, rose, and kanaya, and rather than even say shit about any of them i am just going to insist that you (by which i mean future me, probably) give it a reread bc its the best.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 6

collide. easily my FAVORITE flash animation in homestuck. i actually still have my old shirt that has the collide frame of dad punching through the brick, though its so full of holes ill have to repurpose it now. the rest of the act is everyone meeting up post battle and getting ready to receive the reward. ngl this act made me legit cry its just. SO good. the fraymotifs are awesome and the battle feels difficult and long without being boring, and there are so many genuine moments of emotional sincerity mixed in with punchy, exciting scenes. its just great, and the art is fantastic. i have a new pfp locked and loaded, believe it.

Act 7

act 7 is a single animation wherein alt calliope blows up the green sun, the universe tadpole becomes a frog, vriska and the ghost army unleash the second weapon, caliborn defeats his denizen and gains his le powers, wv and pm toss the rings in a volcano, and we get a preview of how earth c has developed.

the animation in this act is gorgeous. god, its so fucking stunning. the movement is so smooth, and the particle effects were really impressive. also, the tadpole was so cute.

Credits/Snapchat

theyre fucking cute. there isnt much to say, because there isnt much there. the last little plot mess with jane and the moon exploding has never made sense to me and likely never will. i get headaches trying to figure out why hussie released these if they wanted to also release the epilogues, given that they directly contradict each other more often than not. moving on.

Final Albums

during all of this time, no albums were released. however, directly after the end of hs, three were.

Collide

collide was previously my favorite album. what can i say? the music goes hard. yes its just the songs that are in the collide animation, but who cares, and also go fuck yourself. i am a really big fan of oppa toby style and just how fucking. fundamentally toby it is, god. however, heir of grief is literally my favorite homestuck song in existence period. its so bittersweet and yet the sound is so full and and the ups and downs of it are just really potent. plus, guitar is my favorite instrument and i really like the guitar in this :)

Act 7

its literally just the singular song used for the act 7 animation. i mean, its a good song. but it is literally just one song. weird that they gave it its own album tbh.

Vol 10

MY NEW. FAVORITE. ALBUM. there is not a single solitary miss on here. reading through the track commentary, its obvious that this album was created to be an ode to the end of homestuck, to show how far weve really come. it remixes so many classics, and for many of the artists who worked on this album, it was a chance to revisit stuff theyd done before and show how much theyd grown since they started out. every single song is so full, moving and beautiful and breathtaking. its the most polished album by far. i dont think i can pick a favorite song because theyre all so good. the album also wraps up in the most perfect and bittersweet way, and its just. ugh. this was such a perfect way to end.

Final Thoughts

it holds up. i mean, yeah, it has its fucking problems. however, hussie manages to capture the feelings of being a teen growing up on the internet so fucking well, and no one, ever, has written young girls like hussie has. i cannot think of a single comparable female cast in anything. there are so many really potent and genuinely touching moments alongside so many hysterical ones, and you know? i think we really forget how ahead of its time hs was in terms of gay rep.

hs was the first time i ever saw a gay couple get together in media. it was the first time i ever saw two guys kiss. it was the first time i ever saw a nonbinary character! rose and kanaya started flirting in the first few acts, and they not only survived until the end, but got married and raised an entire generation of kids. never before had i ever found myself shipping a queer couple that became canon. so its always gonna hold a special place in my heart, really.

but yeah, against all odds, i actually really enjoyed my reread. there were some rough moments, in terms of like, major bigotry hussie has and wrote in, but overwhelmingly its easy to remember why this had such a stranglehold on my life for like. idk, five fucking years? more?

my opinions have shifted around some, though, as ive gotten older.

i think, on my first read, my favorites list wouldve looked like this:

the kids: dave was my favorite, unequivocally. i think ive mentioned this before, but i imprinted on him instantly like a baby bird. i was inexplicably obsessed with davesprite and abro, also, to the point where i liked them even more. i think dirk and his splinters were favorites of mine mostly just because i viewed them as dave 2, the sequel. i liked john a lot while reading, but lost interest as the comic went on (i regained that interest much later). i always liked rose and roxy, but a large portion of that was due to their relationship to the striders.

the trolls: i imprinted on vriska instantly. she felt like the answer to the rep id been searching for my whole life. there has never been another female character like her, and there may never be again. i have always loved her and i will defend her to the death, however, after finishing my read, i never did engage w much fancontent. sollux was another early favorite of mine, though he was in hs so little that my passion sort of faded with enough time. karkat, conversely, grew on me progressively, starting as a character i was indifferent about and becoming probably my favorite troll. i was pretty attached to eridan, and violently outgrew a brief gamzee apologism phase. i liked kanaya, but she grew on me even more with time, as did aradia. equius i discovered a sudden passion for years after reading the comic for the first time.

dancestors/ancestors/guardians: ugh. ugh. i dont even remember my favorite dancestor. i dont wanna think about it. i was really fixated on them but moreso than liked them i think i just hated everything everyone had to say about them and had to be right always. my favorite ancestors were psii, dualscar, and the sufferer, and i dont want to even talk about the shipping i was up to. my favorite guardians were very obviously the bros. goes w/o saying.

carapacians: i thought droog was the coolest mc member for some reason, and itchy and crowbar were my favorite felt members. could NOT tell you why. ar and wv were my favorite exiles. i think i just thought ars little outfit was sick. i dont have toe xplain why i liked wv, everyone likes him.

pesterlogs: i recall once claiming that The convo between hal and dirk was my favorite. i also know i was a very big fan of anything erisol said ever (and sollux, similarly). however, i dont think i had one.

ships: i was a really hardcore drkjake shipper (all splinters included) while i was reading, which branched into an interest in johndve with enough time. i got big into just about every combination of eridan, sollux, karkat, and dave (sprites included), except solkt, and eventually i got rlly into aradve, dvejake, and jhnhal/johndrk. i am censoring to keep myself out of the tags. i think, in most recent years (prior to my reread), my faves were eridve, dvekat, and jhnhal?

current fave list, post reread:

kids: rose. rose rose rose. i adore her so much. roxy is a close second. there was a moment where i prefered jake over roxy, in those really early a6 acts, but she came right back in strong and reminded me why i adored her so much. hal is also very high up there. not dirk- just hal, because all of his conversations are literally so funny. john is great and i love him, my feelings about him really havent changed at all. the striders on a whole were a lot less interesting to me on my reread, though, and now theyre the characters im mostly just invested in for their connection to the lalondes. ive conquered whatever toxic masculinity i was battling when i first read hs and come out loving wizards. feminism wins.

trolls: vriska remains the og. she is still iconic. no one is doing it like her. i wont suffer argument. sollux is also still fucking incredible. my feelings about both of them havent changed in the slightest. kanaya was one of my faves this reread, and i think i really just didnt appreciate her the first time. she has such a great dry wit, and there are so many really cute, very touching moments with her. i think other than those three, i have discovered a new love and respect for equius and nepeta. i am still probably not normal about eridan. karkat, like the striders, was less interesting to me this go around. i still like them, dont get me wrong, just not as passionately as before.

dancestors/ancestors/guardians: my favorite guardian is johns dad (and also janes, bc theyre like, the same person). johns relationship w his dad is just so important to me. i couldnt give LESS of a shit about the ancestors. ive outgrown it. im different. im better now. but unofrtunately, kankri is...... sighs. probably my favorite dancestor now. hes just. so fucking funny. pray for me.

carapacians: jack is the best, period. dunno how i ever thought differently. cd is probably my second fav mc member now, just cuz hes a funny little dude. crowbar is my fave felt member bc hes the only interesting one, ig? but i dont care that much. wv is my favorite exile.

pesterlogs: every single convo between hal and jake was my new favorite for a long time, basically, up until that roxy rose and kanaya convo came up out of the blue and smashed that to pieces. definitely my favorite. its like, the perfect culmination of all of the things i love about all of them, all in one place. however, honorary mentions go to vriskas speech about being a hero, which has lived in my brain rent free since the first time i read it, and also probably The conversation between dirk and hal, bc lets be real it is pretty sick.

collide is my favorite flash animation by far, heir of grief is my favorite song, and vol 10 is my favorite album, as ive mentioned

ships: i am now an insanely hardcore haljke fan. that is most of whats come out of this tbh. i still think eridve is hilarious for no real reason i can explain, and halqius rules. arquius<>davepeta i also have strong feelings about suddenly. pay absolutely no attention to the fact that these are 75% hal ships he is just really shippable ok. butyeah mostly when ive freshly read something iactually. dont care that much about ships? that tends to come later, with too much time spent in the fandom. im sure ill be obsessive about some roxy or rose ship in a year from now

but yeah i think. those are all of my thoughts for now!! and i will just continue to chug my way through the bonus content, and probably make recaps about those eventually. if you read all of these thanks for coming along on this wild little ride. i am genuinely SHOCKED i finished the main comic in less than a month. and relieved, also.

[deathandthemaiden23]

Bro idk who's around me rn idk who's really still here in this fandom idk who will even see this or read it and i dont wanna get into it (proceeds to get into it) but ive been on a grand fucking expedition to confront past trauma and shit lately which whoopeee what else is new for what basically amounts to a dreamworks adult obsessed with the grim reaper from shrek specifically i think there's probably an actual good reason this is my biggest blorbo yet (which by the way, my good bitches, is truly saying something) beyond "big scary wolf sexy" but like anyways its been a hot fuckin second of me just sort of existing in purgatory with basically only this character to keep me real company the whole time chipping away at fanfic and makin doodles here and there while trying to solve the great big fuckin mystery of hey pal is there any particular reason you spend most of your free time fantasizing at length about being loved and cared for by literal fuckin death but um i kinda sorta had been making peace lately with the very real possibility that probably the only reappearances from Death we'd see going forward in this franchise would kinda just be relegated to stuff like being a playable character in that dumbass mario kart game they made recently that they had the audacity to charge $50 for the version with him in it and I was immediately prepared to shell out the fuckin money regardless anyways tldr this is my longwinded way of saying bless harvey fuckin guillen for supposedly saying he wants to reprise his role as perrito in shrek 5 and specifically mentioning he wanted to know more about his backstory including the near death experience he had in the sock that he still wears like ok let me be clear im not getting my hopes up for shit im super excited about the idea of harvey and everybody reprising their roles for future shrek installments but i know shit be disappointing sometimes and it just be like that sometimes blablabla alright nothing is set in stone in this cursed ass timeline we're in bbbbbbut

✨️H O W E V E R✨️

I cannot help but think in some kind of weirdly jaded optimism that surely dreamworks would not fucking let the absolute furry cashcow that Death is go to fucking waste if they're bringing shrek back to the big screen it just seems incredibly fuckin stupid this big fuckin bastard gave everyone a boner when last wish dropped to the extent that i actually didnt know anything about last wish going in to see it in theaters the first time knew nothing of the plot who was in it whatever right THE ONLY FUCKIN KNOWLEDGE I HAD OF LAST WISH PRIOR TO SITTING DOWN AND WATCHING IT WAS "OH I GUESS THERE'S A WOLF CHARACTER AND EVERYONE WANTS TO FUCK HIM" LMFAO UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKIN YEAR RIGHT LOL anyways if dreamworks doesnt seize the opportunity to give him at least one more like visible cameo appearance anywhere in whatever they can squeeze out of the shrek franchise after it was dead (lmfao) for like years (the puss in boots show is little known to anyone sadly and also it seems vaguely noncanonical if that makes sense stuff gets said on the regular in that show that just seems too batshit even for shrek standards) I'll genuinely like die of shock the entertainment industry is chock full of companies just like dreamworks always achin to get their hands on another iconic character they can squeeze money out of ad infinitum and like i dont want that to happen with Death I dont but also... please just let him show up at least one more time dreamworks throw this bitch a bone im begging you you will make so much money i promise u the thirsty tumblr fans are no joke we'll bankroll your ass to the moon and back

I feel it would be remiss of me not to offer some form of content after all this impassioned war and peace length solilioquy about the scu (shrek cinematic universe) so here's an old WIP from forever ago im like 90% i havent posted here (if i have oh fuckin well tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) its a lil scene from chapter 2 of my death fic where he gets caught redhanded picking flowers for his crush because he's a dork ass loser and wants to impress her without coming on too strong lmao like bro she's so into you just go for it

[clover-the-awesomest]

Vent??? I guess??? Made for socially awkward ppl I think?????

Disclaimer: I'm not diagnosed with social anxiety or anxiety at all, and have adhd instead, and thus I'm just. Terrible at social interactions. This post is made for people who just want an explanation for why they struggle with social interaction and it's also just a way to get my feelings out myself. I'm not trying to assume anything about anyone!

And also, this post is an extension of this reblog:

You don't need to read it, but if you want then sure. Most of the context is in the tags I wrote tho so... Yeah.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you're mentally okay.

I hate being nice sometimes.

Being friends with people who have seen/gone through some fucked up shit or are just mentally insecure is the norm for me. None of my friends are sane. I'm no different, having been basically raised by the internet and mentally neglected in school for a few years. (Not in highschool tho) There are times where I can relate to my friends heavily, and times when I question whether or not they need like 3 therapists. We typically just like to make insensitive and dark-humored jokes via discord though, since my dry sense of humor works well with theirs. It always works out well...

Until I we end up talking about serious issues in life.

Don't get me wrong, I am more than willing to listen to them when they need to vent about something or get any pent-up sadness out there. They listen to me info-dump all the time, so it's only fair I listen to them too. It's just basic human empathy!

However, I'm terrible at just. Talking to people normally. I cannot hold a regular conversation about real life even if it would save me from some kinda imminent danger! I hate having to talk about anything but my hyperfixations because I then just don't know what else to talk about. So when my friends start venting or asking for advice on something, I freeze up.

I overthink. I freak out. I panic. I feel the need to say something, anything to my friend, because they are my friend and they need support! But nothing comes out of my mouth. I stutter, I sputter, I start treating the situation like a college-level math equation because the situation is so goddamn deep and it's all so complicated and then all of a sudden they look at me like they expect me to say something and I can't say anything because my brain can't process what they're talking about and I just don't know how to react and I don't know what to say and if I do say something it'll be along the lines of "I can't relate" or "I'm sorry" or "I don't know what to say about that" and all of those options are so stupid and so rude and will end up ruining our dynamic/relationship because I acted out of line and I didn't do the right thing and I assumed something about their issues and I'm a failure and I'm stupid and I should've kept my mouth shut and I'm gonna lose them forever and I made them feel worse and now I feel worse and-

...

I don't get stressed easily. I'm not level-headed in the slightest, but I don't really freak out about a lot of things. I'm always just indifferent about things.

It's painful for me when I'm stuck in these situations though because I actually start internally freaking out! I never know what to say or do, even with people I've known for years! I'm not in any bad blood with my family. I'm not in desperate need of a therapist. I'm not suicidal and I sure as hell don't have depression. My life is relatively normal compared to all my friends, who all have some sort of physical and/or mental problem, so I never know how to act when they bring up their issues. I internally panic and I beg whatever holy being I feel like worshiping that I find the words, but they never come. So I just end up feeling like a jerk, like we shouldn't be friends and that I'm the worst person in the world.

I know it's all in my head. I know these fears and insecurities are irrational. I know that they probably are glad that I just listened in the first place. But sometimes, it's all just too much.

So in short, I hate being nice sometimes.

I'll be honest, this was all just me venting on fuccin Tumblr of all places, and I do wish I could provide any comforting words for those who feel the same and need to hear something nice. But true to my own words, I just don't have anything to say. I do believe that you, the reader, can get better and I do have hope for others who struggle with social interaction, because it's just a small issue in the grand scheme of things and it doesn't truly matter. For me though? I got nothing. I don't have any hope for me. I'm just doomed to the internet for all of eternity.

All I can say, is that you should keep your head up and not lose hope with these kinds of things. Don't worry about every little syllable, don't stress over every single word. Chances are nobody will give a crap and they'll just be happy that you listened. The worst case scenario is that they'll tell you what you said was insensitive. That's it. Someone's told me that before, and it sucked, but it truly is the worst that can happen, and you'll likely get over it soon. So again, don't worry over every little thing. It's alright, everything's okay, and it will be okay.

You don't have to like being nice all the time.

[madmaddyenby]

/dsmp /rp (all talking about characters that content creators roleplay as on the dream smp, not content creators in real life)

ive been thinking this since ive been rewatching the exile arc, n i saw someone talk abt a bad take he saw regarding the "lightheartedness" in the exile arc, so im gonna write an essay on it now

i think one of the things that rlly hit hard abt the exile arc is that it wasnt like . 24/7 bad shit yknow? like it makes it feel super realistic. like, c!dream and c!tommy would make stupid jokes together! but then in the next minute c!tommy could show a sign of being suicidal, or c!dream would start doing something hurtful. abuse isnt rlly. constantly apparent? sometimes abusers will joke around with you, youll joke around with them, you can have a funny conversation about a story with them, whatever. they are still an abuser, your abuser, and it like, this being in the exile arc shown with c!dream and c!tommy joking around makes it just feel so much more accurate to abusive situations

it also shows like. c!dream being more "friendly" to c!tommy so he can get c!tommy to view him as a friend more. for example, during the stream "Tommy Is So Lonely in Exile with Dream" after spending the whole day hanging out and joking around, tommy says how since he and dream had bonded a lot that day (joking around, hanging out in general , i think this is right b4 c!tommy starts to clump the taking armour stuff with bonding :() that c!dream could listen to the gifted disc from c!lazar with tommy and lazar, because c!tommy trusted him now that they had bonded.

a example of something that was a funny "bit" is the phone that c!tommy made! it was a funny haha, until you like. realize that c!dream had been joking about c tommy being depressed, sad, and lonely right in front of his face right after having purposefully Made him depressed, sad, and lonely from abusing him. its fucked up!!

a lot of funny bits during the exile arc are like there, mainly where its c!tommy coping with depression n stuff.

another thing that goes into that "light heartedness" is how either right before or after asking tommy to put his stuff in the pit, he'd ask how he was doing and go right into joking. for example, during the "Tommy Speaks to Mexican Dream in Exile" stream there was a part basically right when c!dream joined call where c!tommy saw a skeleton horse in a tree and was loudly confused/exited abt it, showed c!dream it, dream said it was cool than instantly moved on to digging a hole .

whiplash from lighthearted moments like that, to c!dream abusing c!tommy is one of the things that made breaking c!tommy down Work bc it confused c!tommy to the point where he just thought of the abuse (the whole armour put thing) as bonding . which just makes the whole exile arc feel more real.

like, these things that are supposed to be lighthearted and funny bits play into making the exile arc even Less light hearted once you think about them from beyond "haha funny". there are really so many more examples i can show with this, the whole beach party aftermath with c!dream and c!tommy just hanging out . the whole cdream stopping ctommy from seeing the christmas tree thing, that one time that c!sapnap came to visit with c!dream there, c!tommy saying that he had to finish the "how to sex" book before he died, the entirety of the mexican dream visiting stream, etc etc

so no, the exile arc wasnt rlly . light hearted? most of the stuff that was "light hearted" in the end made it overall less lighthearted, was c!dream trying to "bond" with c!tommy so he would view cdream has his only friend, or c!tommy coping with humor. also theres so many things that were made out to be "funny" by c!dream, things that were Not funny like taking c!tommy armour.

add anything to this if youd like !!

[hangovercurse]

The Things We Can’t Tell Pete About

Pete invites you to meet his friends from The Dirt and makes you promise not to flirt with any of them, which is a lot easier said than done, especially when Colson Baker acts like that.

Request: “Hey so I love all your writing and I just thought you should know that! But also I’d your requests are on still would you mind writing a youre Pete’s little sister but kells got a crush xx”

Colson x reader

Warnings: Drug use, Cursing

A/N: I know, Dom (Yungblud) wrote the song, but also I am the writer and I say that Y/N wrote it :) Anyways, enjoy. This is only part 1 of what is probably going to be a fun, cute lil series. Also thank you to the anon who sent this! You made my day(s)

Word Count: 2411

| ii | iii | iv | v |

masterlist

New York was lonely without your brother. He had been filming in New Orleans for the past three months, leaving you alone. You had some friends, but Pete was your best friend. You were only eight months younger than him and practically attached at the hip. You supposed going through trauma together would do that to people.

He facetimed you all the time from set, updating you on things in his life, showing you cool stuff from the set, and introducing you to his castmates. You had kept him updated on your music, playing him demos of songs you were writing and getting his opinion on them.

Him being away wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it definitely sucked for you. So, when Pete texted you that he was having a few friends from the movie over the night he got back, you were ecstatic.

Before you left your apartment to walk to his, he texted you.

You’re not allowed to flirt with any of my friends

You rolled your eyes as you locked your door, preparing a response.

I’ll try my best

Your phone buzzed seconds later.

I’m serious. I don’t trust any of them with you.

And I don’t need that kind of awkwardness in my life

Like if you date one of my friends and it goes badly

I don’t wanna deal with that shit

You chuckled at his chain of texts.

Don’t flirt with your friends because they’re dicks, got it

Don’t worry bro, I know the sibling code

 You came to find out that that was a lot easier said than done. When you walked into his place, everyone in the room turned to look at you. You recognized most of them from your facetimes with Pete, but you doubted they remembered who you were. One who did remember you was Colson, Pete’s new best friend. He made eye contact with you from across the room, a sly grin on his lips. You sent him a small smile, Pete’s text running through your head briefly.

You found your brother lounging on the couch, a huge grin on his face. He was definitely tripping on mushrooms. “Y/N!” He yelled. “This is my baby sister, everyone.”

You rolled your eyes, walking further into the room, grabbing a drink from the cooler, and taking an empty seat on the opposite couch. “I’m less than a year younger than you, Pete.”

You heard a snicker from the one of the guys, looking over to see Colson covering up the smile on his face. “But you’re still younger than me so it counts.”

Everyone went back to their own conversations, which you were thankful for. “Y/N, you remember Colson, right?” Pete motioned to the blond guy.

“Yeah.” You nodded, looking him up and down. His muscle tank exposed the sleeves of tattoos, which seemed to cover every inch of his skin. “Your hair was different, but yeah I remember you.” You opened the beer on the coffee table, taking a swig.

“You’re the musician, right?” He asked you, leaning back onto the couch.

You nodded, “Aspiring musician but, yeah.”

“Oh, she’s great. You should hear her sometime.” Pete butted in, grinning like an idiot at you.

You rolled your eyes but had a smile on your face. “I work primarily as a songwriter and editor right now, but I’m trying to work on putting out some of my own stuff.”

You felt a little intimidated talking to Machine Gun Kelly about music, seeing as he was one of the best in the industry, but he seemed to be genuinely interested in your work. “Well, if you ever want some help or someone to listen to it, I’d be willing.” He flashed a smile, his bright blue eyes sparkling.

“Thanks, that’s really cool of you.” You bit your lip slightly, trying to hide the fact that you were totally breaking Pete’s rule.

Pete sent a glare your way to which you raised your eyebrow. You weren’t really flirting; you were just… making connections. “Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve been working on this sketch idea, Y/N, and I need your opinion.”

You nodded, letting him talk. “So, I was thinking like, there’s this guy with posters all over his wall. Like life size posters of a bunch of different people. And he falls asleep while doing homework and he dreams about them coming to life. And it plays out like one of those really bad commercials that encourage kids to stay in school and shit. Like the posters are telling him to study for his test, but then there’s this one poster that’s like, very sexy. And she’s just like, talking about hot dogs and everyone else gets really sick of it and one of the other posters tries to like, tear down her poster or something.”

Throughout his description, you got more and more confused. “Pete, that’s not funny that’s just fuckin weird.” His mouth hung open in shock. “Dude, seriously? The big punchline is the playboy poster girl talking about hot dogs until the other poster people get tired of it?”

“Yes.” Pete said, as if it were obvious. “That’s hilarious.” You glanced at Colson with a questioning look on your face. He seemed as unsure of the joke as you were.

“Pete, man, that’s not your best work.” Colson clapped him on the shoulder and you giggled at Pete’s disappointed expression.

“You guys are mean.” He pouted and you two laughed. “Ok, well, how would you make it funny?”

“I don’t know if you can, bro.” Colson’s laugh was contagious. When he laughed his whole body shook, his feet stomping and everything.

“What are the other posters?” You asked, trying to be supportive but knowing this wouldn’t turn out very good.

“Well, I was thinking maybe one is like a video game character. Like that lady from Wreck-It-Ralph. The mean one. And then like a snowboarder who is definitely high, and someone else, I dunno.” He shrugged, taking a hit from the joint in his hand and passing it to you.

“Okay…” You trailed off, looking at Colson for support. You brought the blunt to your lips, inhaling the smoke and bringing it down, letting the smoke leave your mouth slowly. You passed the joint to Colson, who gladly took it, a smirk on his face.

Pete looked between you two at the small interaction, a frown. “So, the posters,” he brought your attention away from the man again, “they’re all really serious about teaching this dude math. But the hotdog girl just keeps talking about hot dogs in like this really high-pitched voice.”

You watched the smoke fall from Colson’s lips, not fully paying attention to your brother.

“Yeah man, I think that sounds funny.” Colson told Pete, his eyes lingering on you for a little longer than they should have. “It could use some work but if anyone can make it funny, it’s you.” Colson punched your brother on the shoulder, but the look he sent you said the exact opposite.

You held in your giggle, taking another sip of your beer.

The rest of the night followed a similar pattern, you and Colson flirting and Pete trying to get in between you two. At one point, after a few more hits of weed and a couple more drinks, Colson brought out a guitar, insisting you play something for him. Where he got the guitar from, you had no idea, but you didn’t ask questions. Instead, you rolled your eyes, insisting that “if I have to play something, so do you.”

Everyone was too caught up in their own conversations to care about the noise, or too drunk. You started strumming, trying to remember the chords to a song you had started writing a few days ago. “There’s no lyrics yet, just a melody I came up with.” You blushed, feeling very self-conscious suddenly.

“Guess I’ll just free style to it then.” He chuckled as you started to strum, your fingers working the strings like they had your whole life.

The blond man closed his eyes, head nodding as you played and thinking of what to rap.

“Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night. Catch me, I’m the one on the run away from the headlights.

No sleep, up all week wastin time with people I don’t like. I think, somethin’s fuckin wrong with me.

You smiled as he sang, watching his expressions change as he tried to think up the next line.

Drown myself in alcohol, that shit never helps at all

I might say some stupid things tonight when you pick up this call

I be hearin silence on the other side for way to long, I can taste it on my tongue, I can tell that somethin’s wrong.”

He opened his eyes, looking rather proud of himself. “I had some of those lyrics already, but I just changed ‘em a little. I really liked that.”

You nodded, “That was impressive.” You smiled, looking back down to the guitar when something hit you.

You began to play the same melody but pitched higher to fit your voice.

“Roll me up, and smoke me love

And we could fly into the night

You take drugs, to let go, and figure it all out on your own

Take drugs, on gravestones, to figure it all out on your own.”

You looked up to Colson, watching his expression change, his eyes wide. Pete had a proud look on his face.

“Pete, you are a sucky hype man. You did her no justice.” Colson hit Pete on the arm.

“Whaddya mean, I told you she was great.”

Colson looked over to you, a stupid smile on his face. “Seriously, that was fucking amazing. Like, we gotta write that shit out some day.”

You bit your lip, trying to stop the blush from reaching your cheeks. “Yeah, that’d be cool.” You were trying your best to keep your cool as Colson kept his gaze on you, but you were completely freaking out on the inside.

A little while later, almost everyone was gone except you, Pete, Colson, and Douglas Booth, who joined your conversation not long after your jam session. Pete let out a yawn, directing your attention to the time.

“Jesus, it’s already 4am?” You asked, a frown on your face.

“Why, you got somewhere to be, darling?” Douglas asked you, your face scrunching up from the nickname.

“I have a writing session at 11 am tomorrow. Or, today, I guess.”

Pete reached out to hit you in the head, playfully, which you dodged. “Go to bed, dummy.”

You shrugged, “I’m gonna be dead at it anyways, might as well keep the party going a little longer.”

Douglas rolled his eyes, patting your shoulder. “Be that as it may, I am ending this party and going home. Goodnight, guys. It was nice meeting you again, Y/N. Good to see you guys.” Douglas and the guys did that little hand slap and hug thing before he left.

“I love you both, but I will also be going to sleep. And you should too.” Pete stood up, stretching his arms out before giving Colson a fist bump and leaving to his bedroom.

Once your older brother left, Colson moved to the couch you were on, his arm falling over your shoulders. You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “And how can I help you Mr. Kelly?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m assuming Pete gave us both very similar talking to’s, given the glares you’ve been receiving all night.”

“You mean the “don’t flirt with my friends” talking to or the other one?” You tilted your head, a sly look on your face.

“That’s the one.” Colson laughed through his nose, an adorable smile on his face. You were both considerably high, but you still knew exactly what you were doing.

You moved closer to Colson’s body, “Well then I guess we’d better not do this.” You said quietly, leaning into him. “Or this,” You grabbed his jaw, inches from his face.

“Or this?” He whispered, connecting your lips. You smiled into the kiss, tasting the weed on his tongue. You adjusted your body so you were facing him, his arm that was once around your shoulder now wrapped around your waist.

His other hand grabbed your leg, pulling you up so you were straddling his lap, and your arms wrapped around his neck. His lips seemed to fit perfectly around yours, and you did all you could to keep yourself from moaning into the kiss as his hand began to travel up your leg.

Realization hit you like a brick wall, and you pulled away, your breathing heavy. “Sorry,” you muttered after a few seconds. You climbed off his lap, smoothing out your shirt. “We shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t have done that.” You smiled awkwardly down at him.

He nodded, the same realization hitting him. “Yeah, that’s not the best idea. Sorry I wasn’t really thinking.”

You shook your head, cheeks still very red. “No, no, no don’t apologize. It was fine, it’s all fine.”

He nodded, looking down awkwardly. “I should get going.” He stood up, landing a little too close to you.

“Why don’t you just sleep here? Pete won’t mind and it’s a lot easier than going home.” You bit your lip awkwardly, taking a few steps back.

Colson scratched the back of his neck. This was a very different demeanor than he had before, and you found it very cute. “Are you sure?”

You nod. “I’ll get you some blankets and pillows.” You moved towards the guest bedroom, a guilty smile on your face. You moved your hand to your lips, feeling where Colson’s lips had graced you minutes before.

You came back to find Colson laying on the couch, one hand behind his head. “We don’t have to tell Pete about that, right?”

You shook your head, a small smile still playing on your lips. You put the pillow behind his head, watching his eyes as he watched your lips. “Stop looking at me like that or I’ll do something else we can’t tell Pete about.” You said quietly, watching him grin. You pulled the blanket over him, leaning down to be level with his face.

“I kind of like the things we can’t tell Pete about.” Colson chuckled, leaning forward to connect your lips again.

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.

[hivequest]

Taking a Risk » Mallek Adalov/Reader

Wordcount: 2.3k words

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, stressed out reader, chillboy Mallek. TYping quirk only used when texting cause I could not be bothered lmao Originally posted on AO3

A/N: One of my favorite things that I’ve written, ever. I love Mallek and he’s for sure one of my favorite Friendsim characters. When I wrote this I was really feeling those Quarantine Woes

You didn't know what you were doing here. You felt out of place in the worst possible ways. It was a weird, squidgy feeling like stepping on wet grass. But not like the fun kind where you were running around in a sprinkler on a hot-as-balls summer day. No, this was the bad kind of wet grass that you stepped on without knowing it was wet. Why weren't you wearing shoes?

This analogy is stupid. The point is, you're feeling bummed out.

And what better way to not have to deal with that than hang out with someone you knew wouldn't push you into talking about all the ways crashing on this planet sucked! The point is, you're on your way to see Mallek. Mallek is absolutely the kind of friend who can tell when you just need to sit down and veg out. You had been so caught up in everyone else's bullshit that you weren't looking after your own damn self. So now you were doing that.

All it took was a quick text, asking Mallek if he had any company. He texted back only a moment later with a no, obviously not. You asked him if he wanted any. Not really. You ask him if you can come over anyway. Obviously.

You smiled at the palmhusk in your, well, palm. You could already feel the chill vibes of your hacker friend. Friend? Was that the right word for it? You didn't know anymore. When you first met there were definitely some sparks there. You could still feel them now and it made weird butterflies flutter around in your stomach. When you slapped his phone out of his hand and he sent you ass over applecart into the slimy depths of sewer water and he saved you, tits out and all.

You shook off the weird wistful feeling of maybe possibly crossing the friendship barrier and told him you'd walk to his hive. You'd been moping in some bookhive, not your usual hang-out spot with Tagora or Tyzias. This was some upper caste bookhive with purple bloods and some indigos and definitely not where you were welcome if the looks you were getting were any indication. They ranged from snooty to downright murderous. Yeesh.

Your phone -palmhusk, stupid troll names- beeped again. You got another text from him and those cheery fucking butterflies were back. God, you had it bad.

yeah were not doing that lmao;

im not going to let my robobuddy walk out in the sun

do you even know what time of day it =

just stay put ive already got your location ill pick you up;

And like a good little friendsimp. You park your ass on a chair and wait. You hadn't released your moping had taken up most of the night. But with the quick look around, yeah, no, this place was nearly empty by now. Just some older bluebloods trying to cram before their Ordeals and get shipped off-planet. Again: Yeesh.

You kept your ears open for the telltale sound of Mallek's limo. It was a sound you were getting used to these days. He always seemed ready to drop whatever coding shit he was working on to come to see you. You tried not to think too hard on what that might mean. No need to get your hopes up now. It's probably just your bad mood making you imagine some context where there's nothing. Yeah.

Damn, that shit hurted.

Just as you were about to add that to the reasons you were considering just screaming your lungs out who cares whose listening? you heard the wonderfully familiar sound of an approaching elongated scuttlebuggy. If that wasn't enough of a clue as to who the ride was for the quiet of the bookhive was very abruptly disturbed by a series of rhythmic beeps.

Holy shit was that the Tetris theme?

You shoved your palmhusk into your hoodie pocket and yanked the hood over your head. Even if the sun was only out a little bit you didn't want it anywhere near your freshly healed skin. You had no kind cowgirl to nurse you back to health right now if you got your asscheeks baked by the flaming death orb. You peeked your head out and even with the blinding light of Alternia's suns you could Mallek had opened the door and was waiting for you.

Aw. No, shit. You're in a bad mood don't get all heart eyes at him. Don't make it weird.

You took a few steps back into the bookhive, ready to make a run for it. You turn to a sitting indigoblood, who is just staring at you disdainfully for keeping the door open. You give her a two-fingered salute. Godspeed young cosmonaut. She gives you a one-fingered salute. Close the door you insufferable bulgebiter. Fair.

Taking a running start, you book it out into the heat of the Alternian sun and dive for the open car door. It's then that you realize he's halfway parked on the sidewalk to lessen the amount of time you'd have to spend in the sun. Aw. That also means that you came barreling like a cannonball at something that was like two feet out of the door. FUck.

Your face meets carpet and you can already feel the rugburn starting to set in. You hear a startled wheezy laugh from above you, a sound you know better than anyone else on this planet. You smile. It's not like you had any dignity to begin with.

You say hello to him as you peel yourself off of the floor of his car.

"Hey, there robobuddy. You stuck the landing this time," He smiles down at you as he reaches over you to shut the door, closing the space out from natural light and leaving you both lit by his colorful LEDs. You shrug and tell him you've been getting a lot of practice landing on your face these days. The look he gives you is still smiling but there's some level of disbelief at the dumbassery that is your whole existence.

"I know you can get yourself into it. Nothing too bad this time, though, right? No drones or broken bones?" He sounds concerned which is nice but he doesn't drown you with his concern. He leans back on the bench of his limo, keeping an eye on you as the vehicle begins to move on its own. You've been staying out of big messes but the little messes are starting to mess with you. He makes a sound of understanding the sounds as it comes from deep in his chest. Whoa. "Believe me, I've been there. Glad you're not cracking under it though."

He smiles and you can see his little fang and you can feel your heart melt a little. And also you're getting a bit teary-eyed and now Mallek looks alarmed. Shit. You try to quickly explain that you're fine, just, alien allergies am I right? He must be using some new air freshener to mask the musty smell of his limo. Since doesn't use it enough. Ha ha?

He isn't buying it.

With a rare show of cerulean prowess, he lifts you up off of the shitty car rug and sets you on the seat beside him. He feels uncomfortable and you can tell. Ah, goddammit you made it weird. You didn't mean to. Fuck. Fuck now you're feeling even worse. You thought you were starting to balance out. You're with Mallek now, shouldn't everything start to quiet down like it always does? Fuck. He doesn't say anything at first, just leans back against the seat and stretches his arms across it, letting you lean on him if you choose to.

...You choose to.

Your head finds itself somewhere between his shoulder and his collarbone, and you just. Shove your face there. Then scream.

To his credit, Mallek doesn't even flinch. He doesn't wince or shy away from you as you let out every bit of anger, sadness, and frustration out against his sweater. He just sits quietly, staring straight at the blacked-out windshield. You get the feeling he's needed to do this more than once.

Screw this planet. Screw everything about it that makes all of your friends suffer. Why can't you just get them away from all this bullshit?! Why do you have to deal with everyone's bullshit! You love them, you do but holy fuck they're looking to you like you can undo all the damage this place has done to them when you've got literally no god damn idea what's happening at any point ever!

And then, just like that, it fades into the background. Your throat hurts. Your head hurts and you think you might be crying. But it feels lighter. Better now that you've gotten some of that aggression out. You aren't like the trolls on Alternia. You can't kill people when you experience an Emotion™. But that doesn't mean you don't get pent up with rage.

Mallek realizes that now. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and his left hand slowly moves down from the back of the seat the rest against your back. His thumb brushes against your back, the claw drawing little patterns against the fabric of your sweater. His sweater. He tries not to think his sign your chest. This isn't the time.

"Feeling any better?" He asks and you don't know how to answer. You kinda don't want to. But you nod anyways, and you feel some tension leave his body. You knew he was worried about you. You apologize for making him witness your meltdown but he just makes another deep-chested hum. "Nothing to apologize for. I got the feeling you weren't feeling great. I could tell from the texts, you didn't use nearly enough ugly emojis."

You scoff and smack a hand against his chest and once again you hear that wonderful laugh from him. Hey! Your purrbeast emojis are adorable, thank you very much! And you'll not hear another word of it or else you'll send him pictures of rocks and rocks exclusively. No more memes.

"Jokes on you I'm into that shit." You laugh and thump your head against his collarbone. You thank him for being with you when were needed it. And picking you up to make sure you didn't deal with it alone. You don't want to make it weird but...yeah.

He doesn't respond this time, just letting you both enjoy the silence and the comforting sound of the engine. You should almost be at Mallek's apartment by now. It's as you're settling in for the last bit of the drive that you notice that the limo isn't moving. And hasn't been for a while. Your head pops up in confusion and the little GPS display on the back of one of the seats says... yep.

You're already at Mallek's.

But then why is the engine still on? That can't be good for the environment. Do these things even run on gas or is it bugs? Bug gas? Gross.

You notice then that the rumbling is coming from behind you. Like. From where Mallek is sitting. He doesn't look away when you turn to him, just kind of tilting his head to the side with a little bit of a cerulean hue to his cheeks. Oh. Oh, the sound is coming from him. He's purring. That's.

That's adorable.

You feel yourself soften even more when he lifts his arms, silently offering a hug if you want it. Is this platonic? Is this more? You've never had too much trouble identifying what people wanted from you. (Debatable.) If was overtly flushed you could shut it down or divert it to something very much friends only. (Like your every exchange with Zebruh.) But did you even want to do that to your hackerman? You could feel yourself screaming, no, absolutely not. But at the same time, you didn't want things to change. You didn't want to make his issues any worse than they already were. He didn't have too much longer on the planet and you knew it would tear him apart.

But then he turned those blue eyes to you. He looked just as unsure as you were but he was willing to take the risk. He shoved himself so far out of his comfort zone for you and was asking you to be selfish. To want something for yourself and do something for yourself. Not put him or anyone else's wants first. Just your own. And so you did.

You crawled up into his lap, pressed yourself as close to him as you could and clung to him. His arms didn't hesitate to wrap around you and you could feel a shuddering breath from above you.

"We don't have to put a label on this... not yet. Or ever. Either way is chill with me. I just... yeah." He gave up with a little shrug of his shoulders but you knew what he meant. Unless you could find a way to fight fate he was going to go off-world. He was going to leave you and you doubted you'd be able to go with him. You'd probably get gored by a drone for even trying.

But even if it was just for now, just for a moment, you were going to take it. You were going to let yourself have something, have someone who would care for you no matter how long or short your time was. You'd take it. You had stomached some of the most horrible things on this planet but Mallek had always been a constant. And you got the feeling he thought the same way about you.

So, you'd take it. Whatever comes next, you'd take it. You listened to the sound of his purring, in no hurry to move to get inside the apartment. Mallek felt the same.

You exhaled.

You would be okay.

[soulwillower]

tozier • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x tozier!reader smut)

requested: okay so once regular requests open, here’s my idea. so the reader and richie are siblings and they absolutely hate each other and to get under his sisters skin, he fucks her best friend. so in sheer anger she decides to fuck all of his

warnings: underage drinking, very flirty bill denbrough, smut, oral (male receiving), a teeny bit of deepthroating, fingering, switch bill, unprotected sex, praise kink, a teeeeeny bit of a pain kink i guess but i think that’s it. unedited

part 5 of the tozier series [  i  ii  iii  iv  ]

(losers and reader are 20+ and in college in this)

5.7k words

♡

when richie had galloped into your room to tell you that the losers were coming over, you’d just shrugged it off and nodded your head - you were used to your brother’s friends being around. honestly, now it didnt ever bother you because despite the pain in the ass that he is, your brother sure knew how to pick a friend or two (or six).

you’re thinking about that as you pad into your kitchen, face on the floor until you see richie’s legs sat backwards in a chair.

“hiya.” richie greets you with a two-fingered salute as you look up. you open your mouth to respond but your breathing is cut short when you look to the right, where bill denbrough stands in all his stupid sexy glory in the middle of your kitchen, toying with a lighter as he meets your eyes.

bill. oh god.

“hey, y/n.” he says with a soft grin, his green eyes alight with joy as he tosses his lighter to richie, who catches it swiftly.

you try your hardest to not fucking blush because damn it, all he said was “hi” and you’re honest to god 3 seconds away from taking off all of your clothes and leaping onto him. or vomiting in the sink - maybe both. for some reason, bill always makes you feel hot, no matter how old you get and how many of his friends you bone.

“h-hi bill, how are you?” you ask back, cursing your nervous stutter. richie, who has apparently decided to throw caution to the wind and smoke openly in your kitchen instead of going out back to the yard, chuckles through his lit cig. “aw, you’re startin' to sound like him, sis.”

you shoot richie an alarmed look, "that's a bit rude." you say and richie shrugs it off, wiggling his stupid bony hand at you, “nah c’mon, it’s so cute!” he insists and you just turn even redder.

“n-no, he’s right.” bill mutters with another goddamn smile and your chest flutters with butterflies as you make eye contact. “but i’m doing really good, thanks. how are you, y/n? are you going to come w-with us tonight?”

you and richie both look at the boy standing casually at your kitchen counter, his eyes innocent as he pops a blackberry between his plush lips. you have to tear your eyes from him because he’s staring at you expectantly and you think you might fucking combust.

bill denbrough, your brother’s best friend, was very hot. obviously. he had always been sweet - when you were all in middle school you remember bill always being kind albeit dismissive when you would see him at your house in passing.

but puberty smacked into bill like a fucking freight train, just as it did to you and your brother and all of his friends, and bill was a borderline god now. it was completely un-fucking-fair, because you swear sometime between when richie slept with your best friend and now, you went from barely batting an eye when the boy was around your house to blushing when he so much as looked at you and waking up in a sweat after having a dream of him sneaking into your room from richie’s and fucking the daylights out of you.

totally, completely un-fucking-fair.

but sometimes, you kind of thought bill saw you in the same way you saw him. sometimes.

it was there in the way bill’s eyes would meet yours; it was there in his gentle words and sharp laughter whenever stan or your brother made a stupid joke and bill was three beers into the night, the way he’d immediately look for you every time he did so.

you’re pretty sure it was there most of the time - even before you started on this quest of sorts to get back at richie, because it's not like you weren't thinking about richie's friends before you started this whole thing. and bill has always been the boy next door, the friend that your mom always gushed about even from a young age; he's just grown into his looks so quickly in the five years since you were in middle school.

and that, in itself, is the real reason why you’re thrown by bill’s insistence that you join the rest of the group tonight - you can count on your hands the amount of times that bill denbrough has asked you to hang out. it's not like he doesn't like you, but it's more like he doesn't care if you're there either way. and you hate to say it, but that nonchalant attitude makes your thighs clench every time he smirks when you walk into the room.

“i mean, sure, that's cool.” you say neutrally, feeling way shier than you ought to when, at the same time, you’re watching bill crack his knuckles and all you can think about is him sliding his fingers deep inside of you.

“we're going to kiera gross's party.” bill says with barely any interest as he picks another blackberry out, and yes you are blushing again so you turn to look at your brother instead. you really didnt want to piss rich off, but if bill denbrough was insisting you go with them tonight...

he shrugs, "whatever, just don't be a bitch." he says with a playful grin. "oh, and don't get too flustered tonight, y/n. you know, cuz stan's coming." richie says in tease, making you flush. "shut up, richie." you hiss, shoving his shoulder and sneaking a glance at bill, whose expression is unreadable as he stares between you and your brother.

you'd had a small crush on stan when you were kids, which had weaned off eventually, but it used to be fairly obvious. stan was so funny and intelligent and admittedly very hot, but he and especially richie still tease you about it occasionally, which is very mortifying. you don't know why you're so flustered that bill knows - it's not like he'd care for any reason, and he's too nice to really tease you about it too much anyways, and it's not like he hasn't heard them tease you about it before.

you're just embarrassed.

"okay. yeah, i remember her. i'll come." you mutter, toying with the hem of the shirt you're wearing and smiling at bill. you feel hot under his gaze and your legs clench together just at the way his fingers tap against the counter. god.

"y/n, what the hell, 's that my shirt?" richie pipes up, switching the subject with brows furrowed as you blink. "i don't know what you're talking about." you say, trying to feign innocence as you grin at the two boys in front of you. richie scowls, "c'mon, stop stealing my shit!" he whines and you shrug, glaring at him, "stop stealing my weed, then."

"take it off." he grumbles, crossing his arms, and you scoff.

"big deal, rich, you have so many other shirts." you reason as you walk over to fill up a glass of water. "no, y/n, it's mine. take it off!" he insists, and you sigh, making eye contact with bill from across the counter.

"fine!" you snap, getting a sly idea in your head. a very bold idea, one that will be perfect to piss richie off. so you start to lift the shirt up from off your frame, lifting a pointed brow at richie as his eyes widen and he rushes towards you.

"no, no! jesus, don't fuckin' do that." he yelps. bill's chuckling and you can't help but look up at him, flushing under his smirk as he lifts his brows playfully at you. he looks so hot as he smirks down at you, his eyes trailing down to where your fingers still have the hem of the shirt lifted up slightly.

"i-i wouldn't mind." bill says quietly, a glint in his eyes that immediately makes you flush, your stomach flipping around at his words as you tear your gaze away, feeling the adrenaline rush from your brother's anger and bill's attention. your heart stops at his words and your stomach burns, butterflies fluttering around as a small giggle escapes your lips.

"bill, stop. fuck you. fuck both of you, actually." richie mutters, rolling his eyes and turning away from you both, putting out his cigarette on his shoe and standing to go throw it away. bill looks at you with red cheeks of his own, lifting a brow in tease as he looks at you.

"he was just joking, richie." you say with a smirk, ignoring how weak your legs feel. you grip the counter as you stare at bill, unsure where his boldness comes from but wondering if it's driven by the same reason you're acting up.

bill hums, smirking to himself as he pulls a few more blackberries and drops them in a bowl. "oh sure, c'mon trashmouth. i was j-just joking."

“william.” richie snaps and you raise your brows, confused but loving what was happening. you're slightly thrown off - having forgotten that bill's full name was william, but also because of the sharpness and warning tone in richie's voice.

“what?” bill asks with a laugh, looking up from the damn fruit carton as he stares richie down. it almost feels like a challenge, the way your brother is staring at bill, and you feel left out in a way that you don't really know if you want to be let in.

it's slightly tense and you’re shocked - richie is the kind of fucker who laughs at suave shit like that, but the more you think about how protective he is of his friends, the sooner you roll your eyes.

"oh....kay. i'm gonna- i'm gonna go." you say awkwardly, biting your lip. you hide your grin as you slip out of the kitchen, meeting eyes with bill as he winks subtly at you while richie shakes his head with a frustrated glare down at the lighter in his hands. "y/n," richie calls as he follows you down the hall.

you turn right at the base of the stairs, a smirk on your face. "what?" you snap. he glares at you. "don't do that shit in front of my friends, that's so fucked."

you stare at him, trying your hardest not to smile. you wonder if bill can hear you. "what? we were just teasing you, richie. i can't help it if your friends all want to fuck me."

he runs his hand over his face, groaning, "can you be quiet? bill probably heard that. and don't fuckin' joke about that. if you touch one of my friends i'll kill you." he snaps. 

you shove him, completely floored that he could be so daft. "richie, you're still fucking my best friend! i hate you, why are you such an asshole?"

"whatever. stay away until we leave tonight." richie says as he turns to leave, holding up a middle finger as he stalks back towards the kitchen.

you didn't go back downstairs until you heard the others come in about forty five minutes later, spending most of your time getting ready and calming down after richie's stunt. you decided that tonight is the night you try and hit on bill. after grinning to yourself in the mirror and flattening your top against your chest, you make your way down from your room to find all of richie's friends lounging around the kitchen. of course, your eyes immediately find bill, who is still eating those damn blackberries. you chuckle.

"do you ever put those down?" you ask, causing him to pick up his head and chew slowly, grinning through a closed mouth as if he'd been caught red-handed. his eyes move up and down your figure and it makes your stomach flutter. he doesn't get the time to respond because richie's already herding everyone out the door. bev's winking at you, which makes your stomach flip, slinging an arm around your shoulder in greeting as you all file into stan's hatchback, mumbling about the girl's house whose party you're going to.

you spend the first two hours with bev and mike, playing pong and sipping casually on mixed drinks while you catch up with people you haven't seen since you graduated.

a while after, mike and bev start to play king’s cup. you opt out, instead deciding to go find some of the others. when you make your way to the kitchen, you find richie and stan taking body shots off of two girls you remember from your bio class junior year. 

the sting of jealousy you get from the girl as she cards her fingers through stan's curls instantly makes you sour, shoving richie as you grab a mike's hard lemonade and crack it open on the counter.

"what's wrong with you?" richie mumbles, wiping his mouth as the girls walk away. stan smirks as he leans on the counter, his cheeks red. god, you hate being so horny. where's bill?

your eyes linger over the crowd and richie, always the asshole, takes the opportunity you'd accidentally just presented to him. "you sad stan the man isn’t taking body shots off of you? you’re not really his type, sorry.” 

you gape at richie, feeling like you could murder him on the spot. you’re bright red, not daring to look at stan as he mutters, “richie, you’re a fucking asshole.” 

you glare at your brother. “just trying to find the best thing to kill you with. i want you dead.” 

"whatever, you don't need to be so sensitive." richie teases, craning his neck when somebody calls his name from the backyard. "sis, duty calls. catch you in a bit." he adds, his attention on your friend who'd just shown up and is waving richie over. the sight of her makes you roll your eyes at richie.

as the boys leave, stan nudges you, "don't listen to him, he just doesn’t like the idea of me liking you more than him. you're cute when you blush." he nudges your chin with his fingers and then laughs when you flush even more, turning and making his way through the crowd with a drunken goodbye.

jesus christ. 

now that you're alone, you want to scream. your eyes roll back as you rub your face with a short sigh. what the fuck were you thinking, getting involved with ben, bev, mike, and eddie? and now bill? plus, what’s stan up to, since when was he such a flirt? 

god, you're way over your head.

“a-are you okay?" the devil himself asks as he pads into the kitchen behind you, a smile on his face. great.

you sigh, shaking your head, "richie makes me so fucking mad sometimes." you say honestly, wary of talking shit about richie to his best friend. bill just nods, and you realize for a second you really let yourself think that richie's friends didn't know he was an asshole.

"you know,” bill smirks, “r-rich told me to stay away from you tonight.”  bill just takes three steps closer, oh so slow, and it unintentionally backs you against the counter.  your mouth goes dry, your body buzzing at the proximity.  slowly, bill places his hands next to you and leans on the counter.  “we should just get back at him to piss him off.” he mutters and your eyes widen, lips parting as you stare at him. "it's f-funny when he's mad."

your eyes bounce down to his lips, which are curled in a smirk and you breathe out shortly. "how do you suggest we do that?" you whisper, hands snaking around his shoulders and ignoring the pounding in your heart. he smirks, "d-don't know. what would piss him off the most?"

you grin, feigning innocence. "y'know... maybe if we just went into a room together right in front of him. he'd get somad." you say with a giggle. bill chuckles, turning back to see richie laughing loudly with your old friend by his side, telling some stupid story that was probably making everyone roll their eyes. "let's go, then." bill says, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the kitchen, your face burning already at how easy that just was.

you pass the group of people that richie's in, and bill sends you a look before he taps a kid next to richie on the shoulder, effectively grabbing richie's attention. "h-hey, can you hold onto this drink? just for a bit?" bill says, handing him his cup. you follow bill's lead, handing your drink to your friend and asking her to hold onto it. "we'll be back in a bit." you say, sending her a wink and making richie furrow his brows.

you see his eyes follow you as bill grabs your hand and pulls you towards the closest room, his hand falling to your back as he ushers you into the room. as the door closes, you let out a bit of a laugh, shaking your head. you sit on the ground in the empty bedroom and bill follows, his knees grazing yours and making your stomach flip embarrasingly. he pulls out a deck of cards. "w-want to play something while we w-wait?"

you snort, realizing if you want to make richie suspicious you should at least stay in here for a bit. and it's not like you're complaining that you have to spend time alone with bill denbrough. "you want to play war?" you ask, looking at bill.

he nods and starts shuffling, handing you half the deck. "he's going to kill me." you mumble with a slight laugh. bill sends you a look. "he's going to kill m-me, not you." he says, shaking his head.

you laugh, "no, he's going to be furious. he's a bit hypocritical, he doesn't want me to have sex with you, let alone be nearyou, but he's probably going to take home my best friend again tonight."

bill hums, and that's when you realize how blunt you'd just been.

"he just d-doesn't like it when people have fun." bill says, lifting a brow as his voice goes lower. you turn slightly red as you make eye contact. "and it sounds like he kind of deserves it, anyways. i think if we had sex it would be a win-win."

you blink because wow, bill is much smoother than you expected. you look at him, his dark auburn brows rising above his half life eyes, which are trained on your lips. "then what's stopping us?" you say in a whisper, your heart pounding in your chest.

and just like that's you're kissing bill.

his lips are chapped and warm, strong against you as he pulls you closer by your neck. he smells amazing, and you surge up against him with a small sigh when his tongue brushes along your bottom lip. you're about to move over and straddle him, but a noise makes you pull away.

"out of the way!" you hear your brother's voice distinctly call muffled from behind the door and you jerk away from bill suddenly. he chuckles at you and you both pull yourselves together just as the door bursts open, richie standing at the doorway. you blink up at him with a smirk, the deck of cards in your hand as bill asks him innocently, "what's up, r-rich?"

"what the hell are you doing in here?" he snaps, looking between you with angry eyes. you snort, "we were going to play war. is that okay, dad?" you spit sarcastically. richie rolls his eyes, "get out. we're leaving anyways."

and he turns, leaving the door wide open as he tries to grab mike's attention. you meet bill's eyes and you both laugh awkwardly after having been interrupted, ignoring the red on your cheeks as you make your way towards the front of the house to meet up with the others.

richie acts like a toddler for the ride home, the streets at one in the morning empty as you all sing along terribly to the music stan plays. he's pouting and sending you and bill death glares from where the two of you sit in the trunk of the car, making you smirk to bill when richie looks away.

but after you've all gone to bed, you toss and turn in your room by yourself, unable to get bill off your mind. his lips, his hands on your neck and waist... after thirty minutes of debating, you finally pull yourself up and creep out of your room to find him in the basement with the others. you're not sure what your plan is, but luckily you don't have to finish it because you nearly run into him five steps away from your bedroom door.

"oh!" you say, jumping a bit in the dim lighting. "y/n." he says, looking surprised and guilty. "what're you doing up?" you say, letting out a breath as your heart rate jumps.

"can't sleep." bill explains, green eyes boring into yours. you hum, nodding and ignoring the blatant lie bill just told, ignoring that he's walked up two flights of stairs towards your room just because he 'can't sleep.'

it makes you grin. "well, i still have that deck of cards we were using earlier." you say, sending him a look as you gesture slightly to your bedroom behind you. bill smirks, "we n-never did get to play that round of war, did we?" he says with a charming smile.

it's mostly quiet as you set up the deck, the tension of being alone together in the middle of the night in your bedroom making you seem like you're doing something you're not supposed to. it makes you feel warm as you start playing, the first time you draw the same card giving you a good idea.

after you flip your fourth card down and see you lost, you let out a sigh. "fuck." you whisper, reaching and pulling your top off. you toss it to the ground next to where you and bill sit and then you dare to look at him.

his eyes are wide, cheeks flushed as he stares at your chest, your skin glowing against the fabric of your bra. "fuck." he nearly moans, and the noise makes you instantly clench your thighs. "these rules are n-not the ones my parents taught me." he says with a swallow. you laugh a bit, shifting as your heart pounds. "i like this version much better." he whispers.

the next time you both draw the same card, he loses, and he smirks, pulling his own shirt off. it makes you turn red because yeah, you forgot he and stan are on the baseball team and you did not expect him to be this fit. you lick your lips, pulling your eyes off his bare skin and clearing your throat. it's silent in the room, the sexual tension almost killing you.

as you both draw a matching card next time, you're about to scream from the intensity. you lose and try to hide your smirk as you pull your shorts off your legs, going onto your knees and grinning at bill. he groans lowly, biting his lip and making you impossibly more wet.

"i don't know how long this game's gonna be, y/n." he says lowly, his eyes glued to your frame. you lick your lips, shrugging as you move to crawl toward him, "we can just say i win, then." you whisper, throwing a leg around his hips and settling into his lap.

"well why can't i win?" he asks as his hands course over your bare skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. he's grinning softly, eyes stuck on your lips with an enticing look. you melt as you lean forward, "you'll have to work for it." you whisper against his lips, kissing him.

his hand slides from your hip up to your jaw, his thumb caressing your chin softly as he presses against you. "f-fuck, y/n." he mutters against your lips as you pull back, moving your hips softly down against him and feeling his cock twitch below you. you let out a small moan into his ear as you balance your forehead on his shoulder, your fingers roaming over his chest.

he's biting softly into your neck minutes later, making you whimper as his thumb sneaks down to rub circles against your clit slowly. you palm him lightly and his head falls against the mattress, letting out a moan. you kiss him as your hand moves, squeezing him lightly and loving his stuttering breath on your skin.

you pull yourself off of him and sneak between his legs, laying down so he has a perfect view of your ass as you mouth over his boxers. you tease his cock with your mouth before you mumble, "can i taste you?"

"y-yeah, fuck yes." he breathes out, and if it weren't for your aching need to make him feel good, you might have huffed at how needy he sounded. you pull him out of his boxers and toss the underwear to the side, watching as his cock springs up to hit his stomach.

"sh-shit," he whimpers as you grin, leading your mouth down to press hot, open mouth kisses down his shaft.

he groans, one hand coming to hold your head softly, making you tingle. you watch as he stares at you, lips parted and eyes blown wide. his cock is glistening with precum as it lays hard against your palm. you lick your lips, leaning towards him and keeping your eyes on his.

you lick a stripe up the base of his cock and up to his tip, swirling your tongue. he groans in relief and pleasure as you take him into your mouth slowly, bobbing your head and taking as much of him in as you can. he's bigger than anyone you've been with before, and the need to feel him inside you and to make him fall apart has you taking him as deep as you can.

he lets out a choked moan as you take him deeper, your eyes clouding with tears as you try not to gag. you can tell he’s straining not to buck his hips as you bob up and down on him. you know he’s already close and you smirk when you hear him moan swears under his breath. he's whimpering, his cheeks rosy as he looks at you with half-lidded eyes. he's putty in your hands, and it makes your stomach flutter.

“god, you feel so good, y/n.” he groans. you pull back, sucking on his tip as you swirl your tongue, catching your breath. you take him in again, holding as long as you can and loving the way he’s writhing under your touch. he groans, one hand digging into the carpet, the other resting in your hair, his chest rising and falling shakily.

bill sits up, his eyes dark and lip caught between his lip as he watches you. “i see you touching yourself." he mutters, and your hand slowly stops rubbing your clit, your mouth stilling until he's deep in your mouth and you look up at him. "a-are you going to let me fuck you?” he says, his demeanor changing so quickly you swear you can't breathe. you turn red as you pull your mouth off his cock, a string of spit falling down your chin. he catches it with his thumb and then slips his thumb into your mouth.

"i just want to make you feel good." he says as your tongue swirls eagerly over his thumb. as he pulls it out you nod, trying to find the words to regain the authority that you'd just lost. "such a pretty girl." he mutters as he rubs your cheeks with his hands.

"please," you say, feeling desperate. "please fuck me."

he moans at that, eyes rolling a bit as he nudges you so you're laying back on your carpet. he's above you then, kissing you deeply as his hand slowly trails from your knee and up slowly towards your neglected pussy, his fingers stopping to rub your clothed folds. you let out a small moan as his fingers move, your toes curling. "so wet." he says quietly as he looks at you, watching your reactions to see what you like. it gives you butterflies.

but you suddenly can’t think of anything besides bill, because he’s slipping a finger inside your heat slowly and you're gasping, eyes clenching in pleasure.

he's building a rhythm with his fingers and you know that if anyone is awake in the house besides you, they’d know exactly what was happening in your room currently. you can’t find it to care as you look up at bill, staring back at you with swollen lips and a smirk, his fingers making you grip his hair in ecstasy.

your moans pick up in pitch and you clench around his fingers tightly as his thumb starts to rub your clit, the feeling of bliss having never felt this strong before. your toes curl and you let out whimpers, one hand tangling in his lush hair and the other holding your breast. his head dips down, lips attaching to the other nipple and swirling, making you arch your back.

his fingers pick up pace, curling and pumping in and out of you as he leaves light hickeys all around your breasts. the thought of bill denbrough marking you up for everyone, including your brother and all the other losers to see pushes you closer to the edge.

“bill, fuck, i’m close-“ you start, groaning in pleasure as he smirks slightly. you whimper when he pulls back, a devious smirk playing on his lips, his fingers sliding out of your heat. you moan at the sight of him, shirtless and hair missed up from your fingers, his mouth sinful.

he reaches his hand up to you and obediently you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking up yourself from him. he watches with his mouth slightly open and eyes dark, pumping himself in his other hand. "fuck." he mutters as he pulls his fingers from your mouth, staring down at you. "you sure you want to?" he asks, lips close to yours. you nod, "please, bill, need it so bad." you say, hands rising to his shoulders.

he says nothing then, instead lining up at your entrance and teasing your swollen clit with his head. he's kissing up and down your throat and you let out a whimper, gripping his bare shoulders. and then he pushes into you slowly, his teeth grazing your neck. the sudden stretch fills you to the brim and you let out a guttural noise at the feeling. your back rubs uncomfortably against the carpet as he pushes into you, but your hands grip his shoulders tighter and all you can think about is bill.

“fuck, bill.” you mumble, moaning his name as he starts thrusting, building his pace slowly as you adjust to his size. "harder." you barely get out, whimpering as his hands grip your hips, and then he’s snapping his hips into yours.

“fuck, you're perfect.” his hands grip you, holding your legs open as your eyes roll back slightly, “look at you, f-fuck.” he pounds you into the carpet, his lips then falling to suck large marks on your neck, the stinging pleasure of your bare back on the carpet adding to the pleasure of bill tearing you apart.

his hips still snap into you deeply, his arm slipping under your back to prop you up slightly, making him hit your g-spot and making you let out a loud moan. you feel him so deep inside of you that tears prick at your eyes, the pleasure building instantly. "so pretty." he says against your neck.

you keen loudly, back arching as you yelp his name. he pulls back to look at you, hand tugging on your hair so you look at him as he pounds into you. “look at you.” his voice is deep and rough and then he's pressing a kiss to your temple as he fills deep inside you, the feeling overwhelming as your orgasm creeps up again.

your fingers scratch down his bare back, making him hiss and hum slightly, gripping your hips and lifting you slightly. after a few more thrusts, he pulls out and is flipping you quickly to your hands and knees, hand pressing gently on your back so you arch it. "shit." he hisses under his breath as he eases back into you, the new angle has you biting your hand, his cock pressing deep inside you from the pace of his hips. his lips pepper over the raw skin of your back, red and sensitive from rubbing against your carpet so hard.

and he nudges your head as he thrusts into you, tilting your jaw so he kisses you. his lips are against yours like he’s claiming you, his teeth clashing slightly with yours and his tongue dominating. you’re weak, legs shaking as he pounds into you.

you moan, your stomach clenching in ecstasy as you moan out his name, coming closer with each harsh thrust, “bill, fuck, im gonna cum,” you whimper. at your words, he pulls out of you and flips you again, so you're back on your back, this time lifting one of your legs and pushing into you quickly. your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh.

“wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down. you whimper, face red from the pleasure of his words. he's slamming into you, your back rubbing hard against the ground and his eyes admiring the smudged makeup of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already.

his thumb rubs circles on your cllit and as he presses lightly, you can't hold off any longer. "bill, fuck!" you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. "so pretty." he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back.

"fuck, b-babe, 'm gonna cum." he mutters as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips as he thrusts one last time into you, pulling out. you quickly move as he rises to his knees, opening your mouth as his fingers squeeze your jaw.

he's pumping himself as his cheeks redden, chest rising and falling quickly. "y/n, fuck." he mutters he as he cums, spilling onto your tongue as you look up at him.

beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he spills into your mouth, his cock laying heavy on your tongue.

you look up at him with wide eyes as he sighs, falling back down next to you. "j-jesus." he mutters, and you laugh, kissing his cheeks and then his lips.

"th-that'll piss richie off." bill says breathlessly. you laugh lightly - if only he knew.

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[mountainscouts]

yr top ten fav sp characters GO!!!

*panicking like theres a gun pointed to my head*

OKAY OKAY, fair warning i like to latch onto characters who don't ever appear or speak ever again because im fucked in the head!

let's start from the bottom!

10) pip

i like pip for all the different reasons compared the usual ones. I love characters getting ripped on for their passiveness/kindness in this show and it only makes the town consensus that everyones and asshole even funnier. i think his voice is a little annoying but i actually enjoy it at the same time. "pip" is one of my favorite episodes because of how absurd it can get and is a great start to making more spin off episodes. i really like this stupid british kid, rip pip!

9) jimmy

JIMMY THAT FUNKY LITTLE COMEDIAN!!! i love him, he's legit really funny and i love all of his episodes. even with his speech impediment being the reason why you're supposed to think hes funny, he's genuinely funny on his own with his personality and snarkiness. beloved little man. also his debut episode also includes my blog's namesake. bring back the scouts!!

8) heidi

she's smart and funny

ok no shes SO SWEET. i care her so bad, i genuinely love her character and she is probably the saving grace about season 20. i actually was invested in seeing her grow and seeing her on screen just made me happy especially if her overt kindness was the butt of a joke. i don't like heiman but they were so entertaining together, maybe it was just how horrible they were when eachothers presence that I liked. god I miss her so much

7) craig

poor craig has been a victim of so much bad characterization but my love for his actual character in the show is so good. i love the pandemic trilogy so much, craig definitely shines there with his aloof attitude and disdain for the boys. i miss when he'd always be known for flipping people off, getting in trouble, and just not giving a fuck. but also he's still very much so a kid with kid interests!

6) henrietta/the goth kids

i feel like the goth kids are a full package, but since henrietta is probably considered "the face" of the group ill say she's my favorite. i love her specific dialogue the most she contrasts so well with her family and it doesnt fail to make me laugh. also, shes genuinely really cool along with the rest of the goths. like why do their outfits pop off.. and for what. also the goth storylines are also so fucking hilarious, i love goth kids 3 so much its probably a top 5 ep for me.

5) david

hes beaner.. jus like me🥺 NO, GENUINELY THERE IS A BIAS WHEN IT COMES TO HIM BUT I DONT CARE. david, like most of everyone in my top 5 has so much nostalgic value to me. i remember watching you're not yelping for the first time and being completely enamored with him right when he showed up on screen with his familia<3. i do genuinely love the role he plays in that episode and even the minor specs of him in season 19, seeing him makes me so happy. also i love the fact he was just so ready to kick cartman's shit in, what a king.

4) tweek

tweek is so funny. his delivery. his dialogue. his body language. god i love that little meth head. he also suffers from mischaracterization but my love for him surpasses any shitty fandom interpretation. free hat is one of my favorite episodes and his arc in that ep is PRICELESS. only tweek would respond to "what do you see as a positive about toddler murder" with "its easy" absolutely iconic, pinnacle of humor, it makes me collapse every time. also hes pretty unpredictable and i love his spontaneous nature.

3) stan

stan definitely is one of the fandom favorites for so many reasons but i just know that ive genuinely really liked him since forever. one of my favorite episodes (and possibly underrated stan episodes) is stanley's cup, it's just such a good episode and observation of his character along the lines of ygo/ab. i like the place he as as the most sensitive out of the main four while still having an intense passion for things he feels strongly about too amongst other traits.

2) rebecca

rebecca is probably one of the first, if not the first one shot character i grew attached to. at the ripe age of 8 fucking years old I remember watching homp and thinking she was the cutest thing ever. i also really loved her romance with kyle (kybecca 4lyfe) so that also pushed me to REALLLLLY like her. she's also genuinely really interesting with her speech delivery and (once) sheltered view on life. i know we will probably never see her again but i pine for the day that we do even if its just a mention or cameo. i love her so much oh my god.

and to no one's surprise:

1) gary

hes nice