#most if not all of these are sunflower btw ! i basically only read sunflower.

[theokusgallery]

What do you think about middle aged sunflower ????

Okay I'm going to pretend I'm normal and didn't just have a conversation about it yesterday within which I had to restrict myself because of Discord's stupid character limit

Anyway. Gonna talk about fanfics briefly, because fics tend to get more complex with characterization.

A while ago, I got really into Marvel, and for two months I did nearly nothing except read spideypool fanfic all day and night. If you know anything about these two (that isn't from the MCU) (I hate the MCU, I hate it so so much, this is not who Spidey fundamentally is, he is supposed to be a friendly neighborhood loner loser and you Cannot just give him an Iron Man suit and a mentorship with Stark and intergalactic missions at 16 or however old he is in those movies when the essence of the character is that he is an average struggling teenager who just happens to get superpowers and fucks up a lot at the beginning of his journey and mostly works alone and quit the fucking Avengers himself) (wow I started rambling sorry. Ignore that), you'll know that they are both around... 25-30ish, currently. Something like that. The only other fandom that I read as many fanfics of was Ace Attorney, where depending on the timeline, they can be from 23 to like, 35 with a kid. So I'd say me being so invested in a ship with 16 year-olds is... kind of an anomaly.

I don't usually like the coming-of-age, teenage love stuff, and I honestly have never found a single sunflower schoolfic I liked (except Spiral of course but even then they're in college) because all of them tend to... infantilize both Sunny and Basil at great length. And also tear down anything that makes them interesting characters. I think a lot of OMORI artists (that includes writers) are very afraid of doing anything substantial with teenagers, despite, you know, the actual plot of the game, and as a result, a lot of the time most fics where the characters aren't aged up tend to be... incredibly boring. Of course there are some that are good — exceptional even — but in the end all I can think of is the huge gap in... quality? that sounds wrong to say about a creative thing... interesting-ness, let's say (a very personal and subjective concept), when I stopped reading Marvel and went back to OMORI. I stopped reading fanfics altogether because I just couldn't find one I liked as much as the average Marvel fic that I hadn't already read.

Maybe it's a result of the writers themselves being young? I know OMORI's fanbase is generally a lot younger than Marvel's, so that could affect it. I mentioned schoolfics because there's a lot of them and because they were mentioned in my rant yesterday, but it's not really about the fact that they're schoolfics, it's about the fact that more often than not, the setting is the plot, and since it's just your average highschooler writing their favorite blorbos into their own environment and projecting (which is very cool btw, 99% of my own writing is projecting), the plot is... basically nonexistant. It's boring. It's boring and the characterization is usually dull. But even outside of schoolfics, I think I stopped trying to read fics that start with Sunny getting out of the hospital after the True Ending for the same reason : it's often plain and plotless and boring. And, fuck, my favorite books and mangas and such are slice of life, I'm all for mundane plots! But there's a difference between a mundane plot/realism and just no plot at all.

(This is not, like, an attack of OMORI writers who make schoolfics or fics that start with the above mentioned premise, btw, I want to make that very clear. It's very much a personal preference. I think it's boring because all of the fics I read in Marvel had a very unique plot/premise is my point. And also because the characters were a lot more mature and complex. Different strokes for different folks)

I think that's what I'm kind of sad about. OMORI characters tend to be complex and morally grey in their own way, and people tend to forget about that because they're teenagers and obviously no one can do no wrong before the ripe age of 18. Children are all innocent and therefore cannot be more morally complex than cinnamon roll soft boys/girls (looking pointedly at Sunny, Aubrey and Basil. But mostly Basil). Also, I think people tend to straight-up forget that 16 year-olds aren't, like, 10? Of course they're not going to be as mature as grown adults, especially Sunny OMORI, Dissociative Amnesia World Champion, but like... When I was 16 reading OMORI fanfics, half the time I was like "a 16 year-old would not fucking say that". But also generally more mature characters are inevitably more interesting to explore to me because I prefer more mature themes — I'm simply extremely upset at the fact that people don't explore the complexity that's already there when they're 16, including the very mature themes that are already there.

TL;DR: I love middle aged sunflower, I love middle aged ships in general ! In fact, I will tend to prefer sunflower when it's aged up.

(... I probably should've led with that.)

[chemiste]

Foresight ~ ch.4

a/n: heyooooo, it’s chapter 4! btw, if y’all have requests send them in!!

masterlist

Once at the tour bus, you were met with various sleepy stares from a couple crew and the band members.

Sarah came up to you and basically melted into your hug, “I’m so tired…” She mumbled. You agreed with her as a crew person came up to take your suitcase and store it under the bus.

You realized there was more than once bus and wondered where you were supposed to go, “Hey Sar, do you know which bus I’m supposed to go on?” She rubbed the sleep out of her eye, “You’re probably on ours cause you’re Harry Styles ‘best friend’ right?” You nodded at her prediction and started to wonder about the friend thing.

Are we just going to pretend? Or does he actually wanna be real friends…

You were interrupted from your thoughts by Jeff tapping on your shoulder. “Good morning sunshine.” “Hey, Jeff.” “There’s an extra bed in the band’s bus you can take that one.” You gave a smile to him, “Thanks.”

Everyone climbed into their respective buses so they could start the 5-hour drive right on the dot. The bus was a lot bigger than you expected.

In the front behind the driver's seat was a long couch that sat opposite its twin couch, it the left corner close to the bus door was a tv drilled into the wall that sat diagonally. Farther back was a booth and table and then a mini kitchen on the right side. You walked farther back and saw on the left the small slide door to the bathroom and then another sliding door in the middle of the hallway opened to show the 4 sets of bunk beds, two on each side.

Each bed was covered with a curtain you could pull back. All of the beds thankfully, had their curtains open so you could see which one would most like be yours. It was the last bottom bed on the left side, it was the only one that didn’t have any pictures stuck on the walls inside around the tiny windows. One bed had fairy lights taped to the ceiling and another had a poster of Fleetwood Mac.

Putting down your backpack, you sat down onto the teal duvet that was too soft to be real.

“Innit comfy? 100% Egyptian Cotton.” You looked up to find a very cozy looking boy. Harry was wearing grey sweatpants and a tour hoodie.

His hair was sticking out from different angles and you could see the faint shadow of a beard growing. “Hi Harry, how are you feeling?” You asked as he sat down on the bed across from yours and started to take off his shoes.

“I’ll be better once we’re on the road.” Something about this tone made you wonder if he had a rough night but you didn’t ask anything else as the engine started up and the rest of the band came into the sleeping area to try and sleep the whole trip to Amsterdam.

Someone hit the lights off as the bus started to move and everyone’s curtains closed sans yours and Harry’s. You pulled your noise-canceling headphones you’d gotten as a present from a friend the year before and connected it to your phone to play some tunes to drown out the hum of the engine.

Little streams of light flashed in from your tiny window every so often so you pulled the black-out blinds shut and climbed into the XL twin bed.

You gave a little wave to Harry who had set up with a book and closed your curtain to try and sleep.

At some point on the drive, one of the turns the tour bus had taken jostled you awake. You pulled your blinds up a tiny bit to see that the sun was just breaking over the horizon.

You pulled your headphones off and took your hair down to brush through with your fingers. You contemplated going back to sleep but decided not to so you could enjoy the sunrise as you rode through the lovely landscape of Europe. You closed your blinds again and pulled back your curtains to get out of bed.

What surprised you was the bed across from you was empty, the curtain pulled back all the way and the conformer kicked down towards the end of the bed. After glancing around to see all the others were closed, you tiptoed out of the corridor and slipped out the sliding door, softly closing it behind you.

“Wha ’re doin’ up so early?

A British voice asked as you turned around to see the man of the hour sprawled out on the left side couch with a bowl of oatmeal in hand.

You padded over to the opposite couch and sat down into it, admiring how it swallowed you up.

Sorta like the cat bus in Totoro…

“Just got jostled awake by a turn, I wanted to watch the sunrise.” He hummed at your response and took a scoop of oatmeal.

You glanced over your shoulder to see the horizon painted with rays of yellow, orange, and peach.

“Sorta looks like a Sunflower doesn’t it?” You said aloud to him, still watching the new bursts of light dance around on the land below it. You heard the tap in the kitchen run and looked to see Harry rinsing out his empty bowl.

“Why are you up so early?” You finally asked, after swaying between thinking it might overstep boundaries or not. He shrugged and sat down, this time sitting on your couch. He rested an arm on the backrest and watched the road.

“Not sleeping well I guess.” You didn’t say anything, just watched out the window with him, not wanting to scare him if he decided to elaborate.

After a few minutes, he finally did. “I had a phone call last night that I wasn’t expecting and it just, messed with my head. Didn’t sleep very well s’all.”

Frankly, you didn’t know what position you were in to give advice but he seemed pretty torn up so you decided to give it a go.

“When I get into an argument with someone, I try and think of the qualities of them that I love them for and try to see my side from their point of view. Sometimes it infuriates me to the core cause I can’t see a different version of the story than mine, but once I do its easier to work things out cause then I can address the points that, if I were in their shoes, would upset me.”

He didn’t say anything, so you continued. “But Harry,” you put a hand on his shoulder and he turned his face ever so slightly to look at you, “remember that sometimes the other side of the argument may not be true and you can’t do anything about it. So if you can’t do anything to change it, don’t let yourself be consumed by it.”

You cracked a small smile, “Plus lavender and chamomile tea always put my mind at ease and it’s easier to sleep after a cuppa I think.”

The conversation ended without his response because Mitch and Sarah came into the main space to make coffee and breakfast. While the three musicians chatted, you slipped back into the cabin to grab your toothbrush and went into the bathroom to brush your teeth and do other things. You curled your eyelashes again, just in case.

After putting your makeup bag back in your backpack, you pulled your laptop out and sat down on your bed after pulled the blinds up. You didn’t get under the covers because it started to get warm in the bus.

“Clare?” The woman in question looked down at you from the top bunk that sat diagonally opposite yours. “Is there wifi on the bus?” She smiled and answered. “Ya, connect to the router ‘only’ and type in for the password ‘angel’.”

You snorted at the namesake of both titles and gave her a thanks. You opened your email account and sent an email to both of your college profs to plead to ask to transfer your work online.

Hello prof!

So, a situation has occurred and I’m going now to be in Europe for the next month. Is there any way I would be able to transfer my classes online for the time being?

Let me know what actions I need to take.

Y/N L/N

After re-reading it a couple times, you sent it off just to get out there before class was supposed to start again.

For the next two hours, you went over the syllabus and tried to find things you’d be able to write about or take pictures of incase your teachers needed a bit more convincing.

You had pulled out your camera and were looking through some of the recent pictures of Europe you had taken for the extra credit assignment your photography teacher had given you when Harry walked back into the sleeping area.

He sat on his bed and pulled his feet into a crisscross applesauce position.

“You’re a photographer?” He inquired. You glanced up at him for a moment and then looked back down in concentration on the picture in front of you and the screen of your laptop.

“Yeah, for class.—Damn, I don’t think this photo qualifies.” “Huh?” Harry hopped off his bed and peaked down to what you were looking at.

“Scoot over.” “What?”

He rolled his eyes are you and squished onto the bed with you. “What are you working on?” He asked with what looked like, honest interest. It surprised you a bit, since why would he care?

He could be doing so many, probably more important things on the ride than sitting with me.

“Well, I’m taking a photography class in college, one of my last actually. I did dual credit classes in high school and only needed a few to technically graduate with my degree.”

“Wha’s your degree ’n?”

“Photography and Media Arts with a minor in Creative Writing.”

He blew a larger breath out and sat back against the pillows you propped up against the wall, “That’s a mouthful innit?”

You smiled and held the camera up a bit to zoom into the picture. “I love it, I actually take photos for a few companies in New York which is exciting. It’ll help that I already have clients leaving college.”

“Where do you go to college?” “NYU.” “Very cool aren’t yeh?” You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and smiled at the compliment. “So what’s wrong with the picture?” He asked.

“I’m working on an assignment—” “during spring break?!” “—an extra credit assignment, and basically for each of these words I need a picture that correlates to it. The crossed off ones I’ve already completed.”

Harry leaned forward to read the words off your laptop.

Extra Credit Work

Please take photos over this month and relate at least one picture to each word below. Each picture is worth 10 points. You can add a caption about the picture to help it associate in need.

Joy

Sour

Chaos

Silly

Bright

Anguish

Erotic

Heavenly

Red

Enigma

Due May 1st.

“This is the photo I wanted to use for Joy but I don’t know if it's too generic or not.”

You gave him the camera, the photo was of Maggie on the first day in Paris. She was leaning backwards, looking at the Eiffel Tower.

“See, you can’t see her face, which is okay but the body isn’t giving that much expression either so I’m not sure if it will come off as stiff or not.”

He spent a few more moments looking at the picture and then the word. “I think it represents joy perfectly.”

You tilted your head and gave a quizzical expression.

“Look,” he started, “your definition of joy is different from someone else, right? But it’s easier to see that the focus of the photo is in a carefree state, leanin’ back, hair down. An’ I don’t think her body is stiff, ’t’s just relaxed. You can add a caption too if you want right? Maybe add somethin' like, the true feeling of joy ’s when you can finally throw your head back an’ not worry about hittin a wall or som’hin like that.”

He handed you the camera back and you looked at the picture again with a different view on it. “Wow—thank you, that’s honestly just what I needed to hear.” He looked down to his fingers, “can say the same fo’ this morin’, thank you fo’ that.”

Close it quickly Y/N….

Close them…huh?

“Blinds!”

Someone yelled from the main corridor. Harry jumped up from the bed and you pulled your blind shut as he pulled his shut and checked the others.

“Wha’ is it?!” He yelled into the other room, you trailed behind him after putting your things back into your backpack. Adam had a clicker in his hand that put down a black veil over both large windows in the main compartment.

“This bus has blacked-out windows, why the veils?” You asked.

“Cause if fans come up to the bus with a flash camera, it can still take a picture of the inside, this way the veil blocks it out.” The veils still allowed you to see through them sorta and you gasped at the sight before you. It seemed as though hundreds of people had mobbed the as the bus was trying to drive through.

“We’re in Amsterdam.” You stated.

 “Yeah,” Mitch replied, “seems as though the fans were tipped off of which hotel we’re staying in or something.” After hearing that, the whole room filled with a slight tension that caused you back to ache.

Clare glanced at her phone, “Jeffery is telling us to brace ourselves cause the hotel doesn’t have a private entrance we could drive through, we’re gonna have to go through the crowd.” The band dispersed to get their stuff.

As you packed up, Harry’s phone started to ring.

“Yeh? Mhm, yeah—fuck you’r right.” The British heartthrob turned to look at you which made you wonder who he was talking to.

“Will do, bye.” He ended the call and took his black hoodie off.

“Give me your sweatshirt, Jeff says we’ve got to make sure you don’t draw too much attention to yourself cause we don’t want a riot since we don’t ‘ave security wit’ us.”

You nodded and shrugged off the pink long sleeve. Once you got the hoodie over your head, you noticed how it engulfed you slightly.

“Got any sunnies?”

You pulled some out from a case in your bag and slipped them on. “We’re as close to the door as we can get, it’s time to go!”

Sarah called out to the band. “Hold you’r backpack in your hand, don’t want them to grab the handle and yank you back.” You only nodded and tied your tennis shoes before following the rest of them out to the door.

“Ready? Open, open, open!”

<3

masterlist

[ae0nx]

MHA SEASON 4 EPISODE 1!

I dunno, if I’ll do written reviews every week yet but I really want to though cos I loveeeee BNHA. Just a foresight, I watch the anime only and I know bullet points of what happens in later chapters (cos being an avid internet user makes it slightly impossible) but I don’t know the fulll debriefing so I’d still like no spoilers. Thanks!

- I’m feeling the opening. The openings of BNHA have always been growers for me, the only exception is ‘Peace Sign’ which is still my no. 1 opening (song wise, art direction wise is obvy the ‘Odd Future’ opening).

- I like the first shot of the opening basically being the first opening except instead of Izuku reaching out to All Might, he’s running his own race to the top!

- I love Amajiki in the opening! My sweet sweet boi :) I just love seeing The Big Three in the opening and I can’t wait to see more of them this season.

And the sunflowers in the background! Such a nice touch :)

Even though a lot of anime opening’s use this kind of ‘falling through the air, reaching out for each other’ shot (Radiant’s new opening literally has the same kinda thing), I do love it. As it is very relevant to plot. And it looks nice haha

Also, I love these graffiti shots in most of their openings. It’s dope.

- Lol, at first I really didn’t trust Tokuda as he has the same kinda hollow-ish sort of eyes that Yo Shindo has? 

- As someone who just had to deal with a whole day of looking after my three nephews who are all under 12, Aizawa is a whole fuckin mood this ep. I love Aizawa more and more every season.

- The pictures that Tokuda took of the class were super cute though. I almost wish he made just a sweet article about Class 1A, they deserve it! 

Oh look, it’s best boi.

<3 :)

- This episode in general, just reminded me how much of a good, pure boi Midoriya is. With My Hero Academia, especially during the breaks, the other characters are soooooo good and sooooo interesting that you can tend to forget that Deku IS best boi. Impulsive and self-destructive, yes but he’s just a super good boy.

- And I love smAll Might. Even though he’s technically dying (😬), I really love him in this state as his muscular All Might form was so performative (and enjoyably so) that you forgot about his core which is easier to read while he’s in this state.

Yayyyy, Tokuda is a good boi! I feel like too often we get the evil reporter bit in fiction, that it was nice to just get a reporter who’s a decent person. Yay!

My Hero has me paranoid about every bit and moment, that I’m thinking this is a prelude to something? All Might’s death? (Although I have a feeling that’s gonna happen pretty soon in the manga timeline rn...)  Maybe Overhaul’s quirk? But as I said I know shit... but I don’t know shit so...

- Btw, side note, I love Overhaul’s aesthetic. Fur lined coat, Black Death Doctor mask? Yes.

- I actually like the ending theme more than the opening theme rn. I’ll see how I feel later on in the season, but as of now the ending is a favourite up there with the Fantasy AU and the girls of Class 1A ending. Also, it is incredibly devastating and I love how much it crushes my heart. Hurt me more, daddy. Haha.

Looking forward to more BNHA! So happy it’s back. I’ve been so obsessed with this show lately, that I feel like I need to calm it the fuck down. I wish I could write characters like Horikoshi. But let me know if you’d like more reviews/recaps like this, I did the same for Fruits Basket and I’d be into doing the same for BNHA!

[taletreader]

answer 21 questions then tag 21 people you want to get to know better

(btw 21 people is impossible i know like 5 so shutup first of all to whoever made this.)

tagged by @totallygayforellie thank you pal :)

nickname: my “grownup” nickname is “Chels.” For obvious reasons. When I was a teensy weensy lil thing, I was called “Worm” because I couldn’t stay still and because I would wiggle out of your arms. HIgh school into college, it became “Bones” because of my weight--not in a bad way--which some folks still call me. It’s ironic now because I’m fat. Heyyy-oooo. 

zodiac sign: Pisces. I swim like a mermaid. 

height: 5′4″. Average. 

last movie i saw: I re-watched Predator. Go, Ahnold, go. 

last thing i googled: uhhh “William Shatner horses.” Basically,  I was going to try to tell a friend about him having a shitload of horses but I wasn’t sure if that was actually true or if I made it up. It’s true.

favorite musicians: I don’t have favorites, that’s not fair--duh. I don’t know though, I just listen to so much music...so many different genres and so many different artists. I don’t even remember half of the titles of the songs I listen to until I hear it again. I’ll forget again after that, of course. I’ll just try with a few. As far as ones that have stuck with me over the years: Alice in Chains, Billy Joel, The Talking Heads, Queen, and so many others. More recent ones are some like The Strokes, RATM, Glass Animals, Joanna Newsom, and Fiona Apple. 

song stuck in my head: Peter Gabriel- “Sledgehammer” --video is cool also.

do i get asks: never. you guys hate me.

following: 521

followers: all aliens

amount of sleep: i take like two sleeping pills a night (doctor’s orders) and i still only get like 4-5 hours of restless sleep maybe.

lucky number:  3

what i’m wearing: game of groans ;) t-shirt and owl pj pants with mukluks bb! 

dream job: iiii just wanna rock and roll all nighttt. but really, i just want to write. that’s all i have ever wanted to do. that’s what i half-ass went to college to for, and that’s what i’m making progress towards if my shitty body and life will cooperate. 

favourite food: japanese. sushi. but no more eel sushi unless i want food poisoning again. 

play any instrument: tried to learn how to play guitar but mainly just ended up making out with my ex boyfriend while “learning”

languages: english and three years of french but all i really remember is how to say please, thank you, the beach, and bonjour...y’all. 

favourite song: i don’t have one but if i had to pick the most meaningful song to me, i’d choose ten years gone by led zeppelin. i love the lyrics “and though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.” #deepbro

random facts:

every time i try to tell someone who is not used to my southern accent that my appendix burst when i was younger, they think i said my “penis burst” 

i like owls. i’m like that turtle kid but with owls. 

i have chronic lyme disease and am a host to many other diseases and conditions. 

because of what i just said, i have lots of time to do stupid and sometimes boring stuff like watch movies and tv shows a lot (horror is my jam), do craftsy things like collages, read and write, and mainly just stare into the abyss.

also because of this, you can probably guess i have like no friends and am completely single. not expecting a pity party, just sayin’ 

sometimes i secretly like it when the power goes out because my dad and i  STILL get to make shadow figures on the wall. my favorite is when i make a guy eating soup who then chokes on it. he survives though!! 

me as aesthetic things: owls, sunflowers taller than 6 feet, pretty patterned hair ties, wwe wrestler theme music (except for john cena’s), quiet bonfire night, chamomile tea, walking the dog in the rain, sam cookie music under the stars, perfect gliding of a pen on paper. 

i reckon i’ll tagggg @caterpillarhunting  @gracebabcockwrites @ladystardustsoul @mjdoc90 @namelesshippiearts @peacefulsenseoftime @sassy-swamp-mermaid @zenobiatavares @acherona @babeoutofhell @valeryhush

[lilgurlwithcomplicatedfeels]

Emotions

Do you ever feel like... Things are so great but theres this one part of your life you wish you could change so that you could be more confident in yourself? Fair warning: If you're my sister this might hurt you. So read at your own risk. I do. Its like this small splinter that I just can't block out anymore. When I was younger, I had none of my mother's attention. I was basically an outcast in my own family. There was even a time where my own sister called me a "mistake" which my mother quickly rejected the thought. Getting upset at my sister who said it. But Deep inside I was hurt, because I even thought of that. But I couldn't tell my mom that at the time. I was so quiet, I never asked for money to go to sports events. Even though I wanted to. I always did most of the chores, and sometimes ended up staying home alone. Because my sister... Well she had depression and she was trying to recover. Me on the other hand, I was the completely stable kid. Only slight behavioral issues. Some lying and some defiance, but in the end I was still a good kid. I usually confided in my mom's fiancee, who I considered my dad. I trusted him and he made good out of that trust. Teaching me about life and such. I felt like I belonged, but it was still hurting. I wanted my mom back in my life, but it was always about my big sister... I get my sister has issues, but now I'm scared to even do anything. On my sister's graduation, I decided to tell my sister what sort of dress I wanted to wear. It was the cutest thing, and I loved it. I felt excited! I was going to be feminine for once! nope. My sister convinces me to be matching with her, and we get one pieces. Along with sunflower bracelets. I'm standing there accepting it, looking in the mirror. I looked good, but I was hurt. My heart was hurting because I voiced it. I said what I wanted to wear, but I couldn't push back to say. HEY! I wanna do this! Now I'm just a confused gal trying to making past the next marker and survive. Yeah, I don't have depression. But I have anxiety in a different form. I don't have panic attacks, I just randomly start biting my nails or I start to pick my face. If theres a pimple, I pop it. I try to stop myself, and recently I've been able to avoid overall my face. My nails however... Theres been alot of people telling me to get a nail polish for it, but thats not the solution I want. I want to feel like I dont need to bite my nails, I want to feel comfortable. But I'm still nervous. My sister's left the house, but there are times where I'm scared that my mother. Who I have an amazing relationship with now, will leave me again. Then run off and push her own body to satisfy my sister's wants. Again, I said "Wants". Everything's been about what my sister wants. She doesn't want to do anything. I have to do everything. Chores are too much for her, I have to do them all. There was even a point in time where I was in my room, peacefully resting. Suddenly my dad bursts into the door, telling me the floors flooded with water. I yell back that my sister had done the dishes today(for once). She had forgotten to turn the water off afterwards. After that incident, I usually did the dishes. I had to make sure I get them done in the mornings before I went to school too. And to do that I woke up at 5-6 am. Got ready, all dressed and packed up. Then I went onto the bus at 7-7:30. I was a tired kid, but I managed to get pretty good grades in all my classes. But for some reason, my sister didn't get very good grades. Which confused me, what was she spending all her time on? Oh. Friends. That's what. So I was mostly on my own since I never felt like I belonged in a certain group. So I just... Walked away, Idk why im saying all this in a tumblr post. Maybe its because I secretly want my sister to see how bad I was hurt. How badly I was affected... I have a part of me that blames her for alot of things. Small little splinters that slowly sunk in. My discomfort for the color yellowish-green. (it was a nice shirt too... Ended up giving it

to her.) My concern over money. (She'd always end up going everywhere and I got concerned if my mom could afford it, so I just didn't go.) My fear of being hurt by people. (She'd say things like this person has a bad aura, when in reality this person just looked suspicious.) The fact that I don't have much hobbies since me and her had similar interests. (I always felt like I was her shadow, and when I started to get into things, she just went like "Oh... ok bye!") The sheer lack of attention I got. She was always hogging my mom's attention. Leaving me all alone and I barely knew anything about my mom. At one point my dad told me to go get a gift for my mom. I didn't know what to get. I was crying so hard because this wasn't my fault. After that, my dad apologized to me. Same with my mom, they both apologized. Then alot of crazy stuff happened including her moving out. (the moving out part I want to keep seperate.) I learned about my mom, about everything she likes. She saw how little she knew about me as well, and pretty soon she felt guilt as well. How could she tell me to get her something, when she knew nothing about me. For my 12th birthday I asked for rollerskates. We went to ripleys aquarium, and I was throughly enjoying myself. We saw the shrimp and the jellyfish. All the creatures in the sea was so fun to see... But then.... On my birthday- My sister suddenly says that she's anxious. (too many people around for her). Of course, I'm considerate but sometimes I wish I just put my foot down and said **"No! I wanna stay longer!"** But of course, I was the good kid. So hey! Yeah, I felt all this. So a part of me hates you, but I still care about you. You're my sister, but did you ever really... Love me? Thats my question for you. Instead of crying, I want you to really think. Whenever you gave me something, was it really something that made me happy? Or was it something that made only you happy? Because the more I think of the past, the more I remember the times when I fake smiled. Following in your footsteps because you were always talking about your own issues when in reality you should've only spoken to a therapist like I did. When shit got rough in school, I saw a therapist. I talked about my issues, there were even times when I just asked if I could have a nap or eat some lunch. It was the best place to just unwind. -AH! another thing that confused the fuck outta me. A really fricking nice teacher spent lots of money on you, gave you a place to hang out at during lunchtime. Was supportive even outside of school. Then suddenly you say "No I didn't like them.." **WHAT? THEY HELPED SO MUCH AND YOU SAY THAT?? IM SO CONFUSED?** I loved that teacher btw, they were very supportive and always set up academic bowl and were really supportive. There was this one time I got sick on a trip, then when I finally got home. I got much better. But that teacher kept checking on me, and making sure I had some food into me as I shivered from my illness. That teacher was the best, and they were always really huggy and comfortable. They are a taurus so it makes sense they had this motherly feel around them. Anyways- thats my piece for today. I just really needed to let this out.

[fit-like-korra]

Sugar. Let’s set this straight.

whoa I actually just posted about this. sorry for the sugar cravings, everyone.

If I ever had to choose between sweet and savory foods, I’d instantly choose sweets. Yes, I’m guilty of following food porn blogs and instagram feeds (and these are predominantly dessert places, ngl) - BUT. How bad is it... really?

What if I told you that America has a love affair with sugar. More than one-third (36.5%) of U.S. adults have obesity.  Back in 1822: Americans consumed around 45 grams of sugar every 5 days. (considering MFP says that my daily intake of sugar should be less than 60g, that’s not a lot. at all.) NOW, in 2012: the average American consumes a whopping 756 grams of sugar every 5 days. That’s 130 POUNDS OF SUGAR A YEAR. (that’s like- easily some people’s bodyweight in sugar alone).

Yeah- but... so what, right? What makes sugar so bad?

As I said before, sugar is a carbohydrate. basically, anything that ends in “-ose” is gonna be a sugar. You’ve got your monosaccharides, the simple sugars: these are things like glucose, fructose, galactose. Then, there are the disaccharides, a little more complex: sucrose, maltose, and lactose. (if you took some sort of biochem course you know that disaccharides are two monosaccharides bound together but yeaaah).

Most sugar we deal with, the white crystal stuff- that comes from one of two types of plants: either sugar beets, or sugar cane (sugarcane/sugarcane juice is delicious btw). That gets harvested, processed, and refined to turn into your common white sugar. It has no nutritional value whatsoever.

Well, what happens when we eat it? other than getting cavities

Basically, your body has two choices. a) You can either burn it for energy. It is a carbohydrate, after all. OR, b) your body converts it to fat and stores it in your fat cells.

So then, it comes down to genetics. Your body can have a preference or predisposition whether or not you tend burn it as choice a, or you’re more likely to store it as fat. Another way of looking at this is: faster metabolisms vs slower metabolisms.

Consider now, you ate one of those freakshakes we see on instagram. Yeah. These.

We’re gonna have a lot of sugar in our blood stream. (obviously.)

When you eat a lot of sugar, your body wants to release insulin to kinda balance things out. That insulin will either store the sugar in our liver and muscles as glycogen (for that workout pump) or in our fat cells. Depending on how well your body does that, then you may face hypoglycemia, or your classic sugar crash. Feeling sluggish and wanting that boost of energy, we cram MORE sugar down our throats and that whole dealio starts again.

Problem is, the more sugar we consume, the worse the blood sugar spike is, the more insulin you need. It gets easier and easier for your body to just skip using sugar as energy and just make more insulin and store that stuff away. (like how kids get super hyper and us adults,,, just don’t.)

So- all I need to do is just eat less sugar, right?

There ARE diets out there that exist, limiting intake of sugar and carbs. Things like Paleo (which I’ll probably cover eventually), or Keto/Atkins (this works for some people, but honestly from what I know, this fucks you up and isn’t something I’d recommend for everyone.)

There’s something called a Glycemic Index (and also Glycemic Load). What that boils down to is foods are ranked on a scale from 1-100 (100 being just pure sugar) on how quickly a certain food raises one’s blood sugar level. Things like french fries, white bread, and other simple carbs are almost just as bad as glucose.

There are alternatives, though. THERE IS HOPE.

Fruits: Though this IS a source of sugar (Fructose, guys. fructose.) You’re eating fiber and lots of vitamins and minerals along with it. Fiber is SUPER important in terms of a healthy diet (and good bowel movements, ahaha) and this is a good source of that. Try to consume fruit that has more benefits like higher fiber or rank low on the glycemic index. 

Alternative sweeteners:

Honey: This sweetener, especially if bought locally, is a great choice. Not only are you supporting bees, (BEES.) you also get an immune booster. It’s a natural alternative to robitussin, when mixed with lemon juice and hot water- it can make a tea to help fight your colds. Yeah. No negativity here.

Aspartame: The stuff you find in diet sodas. Studies on this are highly inconclusive, so if anything... just limit your intake of this stuff. If you go out for food, it’s better than a full-sugar soda, but still. Just,,, uh. Try not to unless it’s the best option you have (or just ask for water. Or unsweetened tea.)

Sucralose (a.k.a. Splenda): Gotta admit, this is my go to. Sucralose is 600 times as sweet as table sugar, so you can eat less of it to get the same sweet effect. It’s in your protein powders, or anything “sweet” that also claims to be low-sugar or low-carb. Your body struggles to break it down, so... that’s why it’s also non-caloric. Stevia: A naturally occurring sweetener from the sunflower family. 300x sweeter than table sugar, and also has a low effect on blood glucose levels.

High fructose corn syrup? Fructose is sugar, and it comes from a plant! yeah, uh. Its a sugar alternative, and it’s in a LOT of foods (if you’re not careful). It’s a cheap alternative for food producers to sweeten food, cheaper than actual sugar. Why was it created in the first place? Read up on it here. Just... don’t. It doesn’t affect the body the same was table sugar does. Watch out for that stuff, if you can.

that... was a lot of info, all in one post. My advice to you is to check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you can feel yourself actually having an addiction to the sweet stuff, I highly suggest being proactive in changing that. Set some rules for yourself, be aware, and make it harder to continue this bad habit. Stay strong, my friends. 

[pamabrew]

While everyone's K-Drama-ing, I'm K-Beauty-ing.

Nope. This is not about makeup for I am not a makeup person. Whereas, this post is about how I get to discover and appreciate the 10 Steps of Korean's Skincare routine. I know! Crazy right? 10 steps?! I couldn't even get my lazy ass to put anything after washing with soap. Yes, soap. Okay, here's a quick backstory.

BACKSTORY: 

2012 was the worst year for my face. I had breakouts all over my forehead and my cheeks. In short, all over my face!!! That was when I felt down and inferior the most. I couldn't really go out and I would rather stay home because the breakouts were withering. Come 2013 it's still there but decided to leave my cheeks alone, but still got them on my forehead. I used a yellow soap for treatment which I just bought in a local store in our place. Anyway, cut the long story short after "the great breakout" I stopped using any facial wash, makeup or anything that has to do with the face. I just wash it with water and that's it.

It helped though. I hardly had any breakout maybe one or two but that's when I'm on my period. Thank goodness.

Soooo....

I was browsing Instagram one night and saw these cutie packaging from a Korean beauty shop selling Korean skincare products and makeup. I started looking for blogs and articles that have the keyword: skincare, Korean skincare and 10 steps Korean routine on it. I got really inspired with Inky Cherie and Elisa Aquino's blog post about Korean Skincare so I decided to give it a try! After all, I'm turning 30 this year and one thing I can fully give to myself is TLC.

I started buying the products that I would like to try and were highly rated and recommended by bloggers, online shops, and articles I've read. Btw, I have a sensitive to oily skin so you’d better know first your type to exactly know which product to use, okay? Let me share with you guys my... 10 Steps Skincare Routine.

1. Oil Based Cleanser

Most people who put on makeup would definitely enjoy the power of these two. I only put eyebrow pencil and tint blush onto my face only when I’m scheduled to be in the office or have some errands to do. So meaning, I only get to use either of the two in those occasions. I would recommend the moisture cleansing oil for it can easily wipe off the makeup residue on the face even your waterproof mascara. So first step is to do the oil cleansing. 

2. Foaming Cleanser

Yes, I do the double cleansing to eliminate the excess dirt and to remove the cleansing oil from my face. I am using COSRX Low pH Good Morning Gel Cleanser. I use this twice a day; morning and evening. It does wonder to my face! I mean, after using you will instantly feel its power of making your skin feel and look clean! It’s so gentle but I’m not really good with its smell for I don’t like tea tree oil. I don’t like the smell of tea tree oil so that part, I have to endure. The second step is to do the foaming cleansing. 

3. Exfoliator

The most exciting part of doing the 10 steps is to do exfoliating. I am a noob into this kind of thing before, I don’t even know how to exfoliate and why do we have to do so. But now, I am enjoying and learning more about doing this step. I use Watson’s Collagen moisturizing & gentle peeling milk very seldom, but it’s so fun to use because you can actually feel like peeling all the dead skins on your face. Right now I am alternating Neogen Bio-Peel in Lemon and Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask every Wednesday and Sunday. Do not over exfoliate your face so basically, it’s advisable to do it once or twice a week. 

I love Neogen Bio-Peel because 1) it has lemon scent 2) it has two sides, the rough and the soft side. You use the rough side to exfoliate and the soft side to wash off the dead skin then you wash it off with water. You’ll instantly feel its effect! My skin feels so smooth and regenerated. I also love The Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask because 1) the strong absorption of sebum and the cooling effect of the clay refreshes the skin and contracts pores. The label also says that “Jeju volcanic clay is made from minerals released by volcanic explosions in Jeju. It's categorized as a preserved alkaline resource and is effective in removing sebum and other impurities.” 2) I can instantly feel how the mask is like absorbing all of my skin and pores. So the third step is to exfoliate. 

4. Toner

I am currently using COSRX One Step Pimple Clear Pads and Son&Park Beauty Water. I use the beauty water in the morning and the one step pimple clear pads in the evening. I don’t know the others but both work perfectly on my skin. When I’m not exfoliating, I am using the pimple pads because I don’t wanna overdo the scrubbing on my face. According to the product’s description, COSRX One Step Pimple Clear Pads are pre-soaked in betaine salicylate and willow bark water to chemically exfoliate without drying out your skin. Active ingredients penetrate deeply into pores to dissolve oil and dead skin cells, which help in controlling breakouts. This one is perfect for acne prone skin! 

Son&Park Beauty Water has willow bark and papaya extract and also has lavender water, rose water, and orange fruit extract that imparts a subtle hydration on the skin. I love using this because it’s so refreshing to the skin plus, it smells so good and not too strong. So, choose your toner or beauty water well. The fourth step is toning. 

5. Essence

(photo credit)

If you would notice, I am an instant COSRX fan! Not only they have good, gentle and effective products, they also have good packaging! I can’t say much about this essence yet because I am just going to start with this step. I’m still waiting for my order to arrive, probably tomorrow. But I’ve read that essence is the heart of all Korean skincare. “Think of this like vitamins for your face since it's loaded with replenishing and revitalizing nutrients to help prevent and repair damage, giving you ultimate elasticity and hydration.” - this I would have to see for myself. The fifth step is applying essence. (Halfway there!)

6. Serums or Ampoules 

I don’t know much about ampoules and I’m not using one so I can’t say much about it. All I can say is that I am loving this Collagen Hydro Balance Intensive Serum because 1) it’s cheap for a serum 2) it smells so good 3) not sticky at all and it dries quickly. I use this in the morning and at night. 4) it locks in the moisture of my skin and it promised to make your skin visibly healthy and youthful and I’m loving the effect on my skin.

I once used Human Nature’s Sunflower Beauty Oil but I didn’t like its oily effect so I quit. I have to keep it because you can also use it for the hair. :) The Sixth step is applying the serum. 

7. Sheet Mask

I didn’t give much notice on these sheets before. Honestly, at first, I thought it was just for making you look cute or just a fancy thing most girls do. I was wrong. I first enjoyed Etude House Pearl Extract Sheet Mask then ventured into different brands and kind. Currently, I am into Tony Moly and Innisfree sheet masks. Also, I’m enjoying Tony Moly Egg Pore Nose Pack. These sheets definitely give additional effect on my skin and help at least hydrate and repair my soon to be 30-skin. I only use sheet masks twice a week so if you would notice the whole ten steps thing is not really 10. 

So, the 7th step is by using sheet masks. 

8. Eye Cream

For the eye cream, I am using this beauty here. Mizon Snail Repair Eye Cream. Why use an eye cream? I have learned recently that the skin around the eyes is more fragile, more prone to dryness, and quicker to show age and fatigue so it has to have extra TLC. This eye cream gives my skin around my eyes a warm effect. It’s warm like really warm and I supposed that’s how it’s doing its job. I use this in the evening after putting my serum. I’m hoping to see less of my wrinkles in the coming days or weeks. The eighth step it to put an eye cream.  

9. Moisturizer

I am using this wonderful St. Ive’s Collagen Elastin Moisturizer. I’m sure you would find another moisturizer that would work well on your skin but this one I love because 1) why it's so cheap for a moisturizer 2) it smells amazing 3) dries easily and not sticky at all. It will give you a thick feeling on the face but it’ll submerge eventually. Why use a moisturizer? Because it can give your skin a soft and fresher feel. The ninth step is to moisturize.  

10. SPF / Night Cream

At first, I thought sunscreens are only when you have to go to the beach or when you’re going on a camping and would be exposed to the sun the whole day. I was wrong! I didn’t know the importance of sunscreen, especially on the face until I’ve seen videos and read articles about the effect of the sun to the skin. Do some googling. Now, I am using Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-touch Sunscreen and this is my favorite amongst all the products that I’m using! 1) it’s so thin that I couldn’t even feel like I’m wearing a sunscreen 2) it gives a fine touch to my face like wearing a bb cream or foundation and 3) it smells so good! I feel so protected! Op. 

And at night, instead of using moisturizer, I use a night cream. It’s like putting a wash-off mask but leaving it overnight while it does its repairing and magic. I am using Mizon Good Night White Sleeping Mask. I can feel and see its effect in the morning, looking at my “just woke up” selfie and looking at the mirror looking for my pores! Gone! hahaha! That’s when I know that I’ve chosen the right product for my night mask. GOOD NIGHT! 

Whew! That was quite too many steps, isn’t it? Actually, it would depend on your case and the ways on how you’re going to apply those products. Some would usually have five to six steps and some might only do the three. It depends on the care and repairs your skin needs. Just make sure to find the right product and know your skin type first. Read and do the research. 

I’ve bought most of the products I am using online: Shoppe (The BBCream Shop,  BeautyBoutique, and Watsons. HAPPY SHOPPING! 

So guys, again these steps works perfectly on my skin so if it works on me, that doesn’t mean it would also have the same result on your skin. Not. And also, it’s better to start taking care of your skin early so you don’t have to cram about looking old at your age. There’s nothing wrong about giving your skin an extra TLC. Why Korean products? Because they’re not as expensive as the “infamous” products out there and they’re everywhere! Plus they have cute packaging and they can give same better results like the mainstream skincare products. How about you? What’s your skincare routine? 

Here’s my Good morning selfie and when I’m done putting everything on my face “in the office sched selfie”. #NoFilter