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lucaawrites · 3 years

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ron weasley with a trans slytherin boyfriend

masterlist

requests are open!

pronouns: he/they

warnings: romantic relationship, mention of dysphoria, period (if i missed something please let me know!)

request: Hi! I recently found your blog by high key stalking the Ron Weasley x male reader tag and was wondering if you’d be up for/willing to do a fic/head cannons or anything for a Ron Weasley x trans (FtM, He/him he/they pronoun) Slytherin reader? Ron brings joy in my life and even more when I’m feeling dysphoric myself and I can never find any good trans reader stories I fully understand if you can’t or don’t want to though☺️

note: thank you so much for requesting! it means a lot <3 I hc ron as trans but we are going to pretend he is cis for this one, but this inspired me so I probably will be doing a trans ftm ron x trans ftm reader very soon, I hope you enjoy! I put a warning before the period stuff, in case you don't want to ready it :) im sorry it took so long. feedback is always very appreciated!

here ron knows how to knit

i'm sure he would make sweaters that say "trans rights are human rights"

he would even make trans flags

or just things with the trans flag colours in general

when you came out to him he had so many questions

he wanted to make sure to never hurt or misgender you

and even called you “boyfriend” in every chance he got

“hello, love. how is my handsome boyfriend on this beautiful day?”

he is the biggest trans ally

he is just the sweetest, if you want to transition he would stay up late searching in books potions or spells that may help you with your dysphoria

if you bind he totally would say that only the manliest of men bind, "because it's like you have to keep all your masculinity inside, like it's too much for the world, you know?"

on really ugly dysphoria days he would lay next to you and without crossing your boundaries be with you, if you want physical touch he would hold you and whisper sweet things on your ear

“you are my boyfriend, the best person I have ever met, your body doesn't dictate what you are, and what you are, is a boy, my pretty boy”

even he would mark and say little things about you that “are masculine”

“and your eyes? that shade of e/c is super masculine”

he would make you feel as safe as he could at any moment

and if someone misgendered you on purpose? that man would throw hands, he is ready for everything, a punch would fly before they could end their sentence

you don't like him fighting or violence? he would respect you and not do it, but they would not misgender you ever again

you prefer to do it yourself? he would support you 100%

“pretty boy” definitely would be an every-day pet name

“hey, pretty boy” “hello, pretty boy” “what are you doing, pretty boy?”

he is the most supportive boyfriend

you have a special interest? he would ask you all about it

he would never get tired of listening to you rant about something you like or you are passionate about

and he would definitely rant about his special interest too, his eyes would shine and he would move so much his hands while talking that he probably would throw something accidentally

if you get very concentrated in something and you lost track of time he would bring you water and some snacks, and if its cold he would bring a blanket or he would be the blanket

he would make you stand up and sit on his lap (if you are comfortable with it), he basically would be your chair and blanket at the same time

for your birthdays he would give you a handmade gift, even if you don't celebrate, he would definitely make you gifts on random days too, even flowers that he saw on the hogwarts grounds and made him think of you, he would learn a charm that keeps flowers alive after all the plants/flowers he gave you keep dying

ron enters your dorm with an extended blanket on his hands “I have brought you a gift” he said giggling a little behind the blanket, “its a blanket, nothing more, but if you turn it this way” he then turned the blanket the other side, revealing in the other side that instead of being just the same color it had a draw knitted in it, it was you two like stick figures holding hands with a heart in the middle, then he would pop his head above of the blanket “do you like it?”

he would not be able to hide how much he loves you (not that he wanted to tbh)

when you two started dating he would ask you if you let him introduce you, when you confused say yes he would go “and they are y/n, my boyfriend” with the biggest smile you've ever seen

he is a proud boyfriend, not matter what you do

if you have a plant he would totally talk to it, he even would put a name on it (if it already didn't had one) and call it "our child"

"have you watered our child today, sweetheart?"

he would totally leave little notes on your books/beside your bed with smalls "hello, beautiful ;)", "I love you :)", "have a good day <3", "drink water pls" "im proud of you"

he would have a picture of you on his wallet/pocket, prove me wrong

if someone asks if he has a partner? oh, god.

“yes! I mean, yes, I do, do you want to see him?” and without letting the other person respond he would take the picture he carries always with him and show it to who asked “they are my boyfriend, his name is y/n, he uses he/they pronouns, they are a slytherin-” and he would go on with things about you (and how handsome you are) until someone stops him

TW: PERIOD MENTION

this man is surprisingly good at taking emotional hints

if you are in your period he knows

but he would not mention it until you do because he would not want to make you feel weird

he does things for you before that tho

he would give you blankets, "the weather is being weird, you have to be ready"

don't get me wrong, he does that normally, but this blanket is specially weighted and is really warm, perfect for cramps

he would make sure you eat all your meals and drink all the water you need

"oh, love! I casually have more water with me than the amount that I want, do you fancy some?" it was not casual

"oh! look! some of your favorite snacks! aren't you lucky?"

he would leave you snacks beside your bed with post-it notes that just have a <3 on them

one day you were looking for him and you find him talking quietly with ginny on the common room

and as you get closer you hear him going “so what should I do for him? like what do I get them? what do you use? what’s helpful? is there anything he definitely needs-”

he is just so cute I love him so much

the first time you get your period and you are dating he is extra soft

and specially that cycle was not being easy

he had helped you on your period before, but that day he just went to you, held your hands with one hand lightly and put the other on your cheek and you're like huh???? but then you see the expression on his face and holy shit

the softest smile is on his face. and you can't help but smile back at him.

the two of you stare at each other for a bit, smiling. then he breaks the air.

"why don't we stay on the dorm today?"

you didn't feel great that day but you know by the way his thumbs were lightly caressing your cheeks you knew that everything was going to be okay

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thelesbiancitizen · 3 years

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I really admire how well spoken and thoughtful you are in your responses and the level of empathy you show so I was wondering if maybe you could give advice or sources to help me, if it's too much trouble or too emotionally exhausting then feel free to ignore this ask and I'll keep googling and researching on my own so nbd. I'm gender critical and while I definitely don't think transitioning would solve my problems most of the time I still have major body dsyphoria and actively want to start hrt and get top surgery on my worst days. Its especially hard because I'm gnc and a lot of people say I'm "trying to be a man" either in a religious conservative way or in a "supportive" progressive way. I used to bind my chest and considered getting a packer for a while as well as did voice training and while I've stopped for now I think back on the feeling of passing in public or having my friends tell me how masculine I looked and the temptation to start up again feels overwhelming. I don't know how to fight it some days other than reminding myself how financially unattainable a lot of options are for me rn and I'd appreciate your advice

Thank you for the kind words, anon, I really appreciate it. I really feel for you on this. Something that I think dysphoric or detrans people don’t often talk about is how good it really does feel to ‘pass’, and how hard it can be to give that up. You asked for advice, but I would like to tell you a story instead. When I was binding and wearing men’s clothes and on T, and I passed as a man, it felt really, really good. The ‘gender euphoria’ was real. I looked in the mirror and really liked what I saw. I felt confident in public. I was ecstatic when my voice was dropping. It all felt really good and right. So my reasoning for detransitioning was not because it felt bad or wrong, not really, anyway — it’s more complicated than that. Sometimes trans people say “detransitioners realized they’re actually cis” or “transition wasn’t right for them”. But that’s besides the point. I really liked passing as a man. The problem was when I realized that the person in the mirror was not me.

I had changed my name, my pronouns, my wardrobe, I tried to change my body shape and size, I even tried to change my personality. I tried to change everything about myself to become more of what I thought I should be, and less of what I didn't want to be. I made myself into a man. I felt I was creating my True Self, that I had won something, won a battle against my body, my femaleness. But it slowly began to dawn on me that in creating myself as a man, I wasn’t only creating a person who wasn’t really me anyway — I was, in actuality, erasing myself. I slowly realized that in transitioning, I had created a kind of persona for myself, the ideal man I imagined in my head. Instead of being a weird, awkward, androgynous lesbian woman, I imagined that by transitioning, I could escape that fate. I was fairly successful in erasing everything about me that said ‘female’. I tried to erase my past. I tried to erase my body — literally. I tried to erase my voice. I was running away from my body, running away from the reality that I was born a female and that my body would always be female and I could never, ever escape that truth. I could fool others. I could even fool myself from time to time. But I could never fully forget that I was female. And my entire transition was based on this lie, that it was possible to erase my femaleness entirely. I couldn’t. And the more I tried to erase it, the more I began to truly and utterly despise myself -- the real self underneath the idealized version I was trying to become. I loved the Crafted Me, the False Me that I had made up during my transition. I loved the man I saw in the mirror. The Real Me remained, buried alive, no matter how many times I tried to kill her. She would not go away. And one day, all of sudden, the illusion fell apart; the man in the mirror was not me. I felt like a fraud. Who was I trying to fool? I could fool other people, but I could never fool myself. I was exhausted. I was exhausted of scrutinizing my body and tearing about everything that gave away my ‘terrible secret’ of my femaleness. I was exhausted of policing the pitch of my own voice every time I spoke, of chastising myself for sounding too much “like a girl”, I was tired of feeling panicked every time I had to go outside because it meant I had to put on my uncomfortable binder and wear hot, baggy clothing to hide my curves even if it was 90 degrees outside. I was tired of looking at my body in the mirror and wanting to rip it to shreds with my bare hands and crawl out of my skin. Why? What was wrong with it? What was really wrong with my body that made it so detestable? I realized it was... nothing. There wasn’t actually anything wrong with my body. And I had been told there was by so many people, people I trusted, even, and then I took that script and ran with it, telling myself my body was bad and wrong and ugly and hateful. I looked at pictures of myself as a little girl before everything went wrong, and I cried. For the first time I really, really realized — that little girl is me. She is still alive. I am her. Every time I put on my binder I was telling that little girl that her body is hateful and wrong. Every time I shot testosterone into my stomach I was telling that little girl her body is hateful and wrong. Every time I looked in the mirror and pinched and prodded and scowled at what I saw, I was pinching and prodding and scowling at that little girl. I had been convicting her of a crime she had never meant to commit -- the crime of being born female in a society that hates females. But she had never done anything wrong -- I had never done anything wrong. There was no crime. Why was I doing this anymore?

Very quickly I lost my appetite for transitioning. My binders made me feel sick. I could not wait for the testosterone to leave my blood and it made me feel squeamish to imagine it in my veins. I called up my doctor and told her I was going to stop T and she gave me the go ahead to quit cold turkey. Once I realized that by transitioning I was not creating my Authentic Self, but was, in fact, destroying myself, everything about transitioning became horrifying to me. I was horrified at what I had done. I felt I had betrayed myself, I felt I had been betrayed by a community that had claimed to care about me. For days I held myself and cried and apologized to myself and to the little girl in the photos. I promised to do better for her. I knew I had to find a way to make it up to her, to myself. My body wasn’t wrong after all. I think because I could never learn to love my body for how it looks, I tried to destroy it instead. So I decided: if I could not love my body for how it looks, and I no longer wished to destroy it, then I had to find ways to learn to love myself that had nothing to do with the way I look. I was finally done waging war against my body; I wanted to make peace with myself. I laid down my weapons. I decided to leave my body alone. It has been a long and difficult road, and I am still traveling on it, and probably will forever. But I am committed to this peace treaty with my body. I have tried to focus on the way my body allows me to live. My body allows me to take walks in the woods and to smell the fresh air, to smell pine trees and flowers and mud and cut grass. My body allows me to knead bread and make shepherd’s pie and French pastries and my whole apartment smells like sugar and brown butter and coffee and I did that with my hands and my muscles and my brain. And then I get to eat that food and taste it with my tongue. My body allows me to walk to the art museum down the street and I can use my eyes to look at the paintings and I see paintings of other people’s bodies and I realize I never ever judge anyone else’s body even 1% as harshly as I used to condemn my own. And sometimes I spot my reflection in a pane of glass and I see the silhouette of my body and I start to cringe and I hear the voice start up to tell me that I look bad and wrong and I tell myself, stop, no, you’re ok. I think of the shape of my mother’s body and how she is shaped like home. I think of the shape of my aunt’s body and how she is shaped like love. I think of the shape of my friends’ bodies and how they are shaped like laughter and happiness and even if they aren’t “beautiful” they are beautiful and I must be shaped like something beautiful, too, if they love me the way I love them. And I keep walking. And when I get home I play guitar and I thank my fingers for being able to make chords and strum the strings the way they do. I pick up an embroidery project and thank my eyes for picking out the colors and my hands for being able to make bullion knots. And I read books on things that make my brain buzz with aliveness and I thank my body for allowing me to read those words, to read poetry, to understand poetry, to write poetry. And I try to do these things as much as I can and to remember everything that my body allows me to do, and how little it matters what my body looks like. When I am happy and living my life and baking and playing guitar and laughing with my mom and swimming in the ocean and crying on the phone with my brother, it does not matter one single bit what size my chest is or if my stomach is flat or if there is hair on my legs or if my voice is deep or high. None of that matters. Transitioning only changed minor things that do not really matter in the end. It could not give me happiness and peace of mind and security in the knowledge that I am valuable and worthy and wonderful all on my own, without changing anything. I am who I am, and that is enough. It has to be enough. There are days when it is difficult to remember this. I remember the little girl in the old photos. On those days, I do it for her.

So my advice is this: however you need to, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for whatever you need to forgive yourself for. Forgive yourself for hating yourself, forgive yourself for not knowing how to help yourself, forgive yourself for making mistakes, forgive yourself for times you were misled and for times you didn’t know what else to do. Forgive yourself for being charmed and for hoping for miracles. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know. Forgive yourself for being human and for having a body. Forgive yourself for not being able to live up to unreasonable expectations. Forgive yourself for not being “feminine enough”. Forgive yourself for being born female. This is where you start. And when you start to forgive yourself, you will find that deep down in the depths of yourself, the parts that you tried to bury and kill will still be there, they will still love you, and they will forgive you, too.

When you can learn to forgive yourself, you can begin to build trust with yourself, real trust. And this is why I can't give you specific advice, because moving forward from here is something only each of us can find out for ourselves. Not in a spiritual woo woo way, but in the sense that while each of us have so much in common, we all have chinks and cracks in different places, and I don’t know you well enough to know where yours are, exactly. I wish it were easier and there were magic words I could say to give you the answers you need. But what I can assure you is that, as cliché as it sounds, you do already have those answers inside you. Forgive yourself, learn to hear and to listen to your inner voice again, and find out what you really need to feel whole again. And then do your damnedest to get it. Maybe you can relate to some of my story here, maybe not. It's ok if it doesn't ring true for you. But at the very least, I hope this snippet of my story might help you begin to think about your own story. Sometimes we tell ourselves stories that other people have written for us; and we tell ourselves the same story for so long that we forget that it’s possible to rewrite it, and to start telling ourselves a new one. Good luck & all my love to you.

#ask #detrans #detransition #dysphoria #detrans woman #detrans lesbian

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lowell-moonguard · 4 years

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I mentioned this on twitter but I wanna talk about it here because there's no character limit and the post lenght will be religated to exactly one (1) post. Unless someone talks to me about it then idk.

Its super fucked up that the trans experiance is so throughly fetishized that people can't really conceptualize the idea of a trans man becoming a father by any other means than adoption because to do it "the old fashioned way" is just straight up a lot of cis people's fetish?

Like I am trans masc, I am capable of becoming pregnant. And while I don't want kids, and neither do any of my partners. The idea of someone like me can have children and find it to be an empowering and normalizing experiance is something that's a little beyond words for me right now.

Like sit down and really think about it, what is the vision most people have about trans people, including trans femmes. Do you think any are parents? Do you think that this was a planned endevore or was it something they had to "earn" via adoption? What about a trans masc and femme couple? Where the traditional roles of mother/father are flipped in our bio-essentialist world? Do you know of a single story where a trans person has a child, The Old Fashion Way, and this is treated like not only a normal thing but something to be celebrated?

I can think of maybe one (1) article I read a few years back about a nonbinary person who was capable of becoming pregnant and the journey that was. The dysphoria that induced and the struggles they underwent both due to the changes pregnancy brings and every bit of it was a story that needed to be told, that needed to be said.

But because of how people make my sheer existance into a fetish, I can't tell my stories in peace. I can't bring this character out into public because I'm afraid people are gonna start excluding me from things because I'm "bringing my kinks out into public" when really its just that I, a trans masc capable of becoming pregnant, want to tell not only a story that is rarely told in a non-sexual light, but one that is empowering to me personally.

Like I get it, I'm queer and I'll never fit into the cisheteronormative ways that American Society want me to. And I also get that because transness is just seen as a vehical for sexual taboo that no matter what I do, people are gonna see anything I do as a sexual thing. But there's some normalities that I do want to have accessible to me and people like me.

You know that post that's gone around where if you take a tired, run through, cishet romance trope and turn it gay it suddenly becomes intresting again? Imagine actually treating the journey of parenthood with the same respect. I have two characters now that are trans and parents, one was simply backstory and one is current.

And I know people like RCDArt fucking scarred all of us, and that the literal fucking DECADES long list of cis people writing mpreg because their ships are gay and they want the Drama™ of a pregnancy storyline without any of the introspection, research, or fuck maybe even awareness that trans people even existed back in the early days of fic. There's a history of this stuff just being used as fap material and nothing deeper.

But that doesn't mean trans people shouldn't be able to tell stories that are about us, that are usually inaccessible to us because we spend so much time trying to prove to The Cis that we aren't ~weird~ and are Just Like Them except we get to die alone and childless. We don't pass on The Queer Gene that makes more of us because well that would be counter productive to allowing us to exist wouldn't it?

And on the flip side I totally get other trans mascs that don't want to touch the subject with a 30 ft pole because even thinking that they're able to get pregnant gives them the kind of dysphoria that makes them wish they weren't alive. I get it. I do. But what makes you dysphoric doesn't make everyone dysphoria. Everyone experiances things differently and we need to make stories that apply to trans people and our lives.

#long post #Guarding The Moon.txt #pregnancy mention #ramblings #I'm queer and upset

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transthaumaturge · 4 years

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trans asks: 3, 19, 40

and bonus chosen without looking at the question: 27

--- Sorry I was a few days late to answer this, @foxoftheasterisk! I just re-reblogged the ask game as of the middle of the day on 12/24 so that it’s easier to see what I’m responding to. Responses under the cut so that this doesn’t dominate anybody’s dashboard.

Ask 3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? I’d say probably more social dysphoria. I have enough bottom dysphoria that I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror while I’m in the bathroom, but the biggest source of trans-related discomfort for me is not knowing whether I look or sound feminine to other people when I’m interacting with them in public. I’ve learned two important things from having a lot of social dysphoria: 1) You probably notice the nuances of your voice and appearance much more than any random person you’ll meet on the street--especially when it comes to cis people. I spend a lot of time thinking that my voice doesn’t sound natural, or that my face isn’t “feminine enough” (whatever that means), but people notice a lot less in general than I think they will. If you’re trying to pass, whatever that entails, you’re already doing a great job ^_^* 2) Passing is a shit metric for trans people to be judged on, and a shit metric for us to judge ourselves on. I’m just as much a lady now as when I had a full beard shadow two years ago, and I’m much happier with my no-makeup appearance nowadays than I was when I tried to dress hyperfeminine every day in my first year as myself. Give yourself a break. I still get anxious over my voice and appearance, but I don’t let it convince myself that I’m “failing at being a woman” anymore. I am a woman. If some rando on the street thinks otherwise, it’s their right to have terrible opinions. Ask 19: Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? I’m fully out in my day-to-day life, and that includes in my job as a high-school science teacher where I have a trans pride flag on my desk and co-advise the school GSA as an “LGBTeacher”. I like being visibly trans, especially to the kids that I work with, because it makes me a “possibility model.” It shows trans kids that they’re safe being themselves around me, and that there’s a real possibility that they’ll grow up happy as their true selves. But would I ever go stealth? I suppose I would if I felt like it was a matter of safety, and I’ve done so in the past for that reason. In the summer that I was interviewing for teaching jobs back in 2018, I had been out to myself as trans for several months but made the choice to pretend to be a cis man for all of those interviews and also for a full year into my teaching career. I knew that if I came to my interviews in a dress, I stood less of a chance of being hired and couldn’t afford to be jobless. And I knew that if I presented as a woman in my first year of teaching, it might introduce an element of danger into my life that I didn’t need while I was still working on coming out to those around me and building a support network. I took a calculated risk to go from being stealth to being out in my daily life because after a while, it was just too painful to not be my authentic self. But that took a lot of work. I spent a lot of time working with the local teacher’s union to make sure that I had someone to protect me when coming out to the district and school administration. And in my personal life, I waited until I had my own health insurance, my own car, and a handful of other things before I came out to the dad who threatened to take all of these things away from me if I wore women’s clothes in public again. If anybody reading this is trying to make that same decision of “when to go full-time”, I would strongly suggest that you do what you can to make sure that you have resources available to you if the worst happens afterward. You may not be as lucky as I was with the timing of my coming-out, but make sure that you have something to steady yourself with. A place to go if things get ugly at home, some money or possessions stashed away where the people who want to control you can’t get to them. At the same time, don’t let family manipulate you into waiting and making yourself miserable for years and years because “it’s just not safe right now”. My dad tried to do that once he realized he had nothing on me anymore, and I saw it for what it was. Nowadays, if I went stealth, it would be to pretend to be a cis woman rather than a cis man. I think that I could do that, but only if I was in an interaction where people knowing I was trans would put me in danger. It would particularly suck because I wear a kippah wherever I go, but I would even take that off if I needed to. I’m not so self-sure that I don’t realize there are places in my own country, some not too far from me, where there are people who want me dead. My goal is to make sure that I never end up in those places if I can help it, and if I do, to fake it until I make it. Ask 40: How did/do you manage waiting to transition? In this respect, I was luckier than most because I slowly came out to myself over the five years that I was in college and away from my parents, and wasn’t fully out to myself until I was 23 and about to get a job that I could use to support myself. I know that it’s not that easy for a lot of people, especially because my relative privilege helped me to get into a stable, independent living situation after school. But even with all of that, I still spent an entire year pretending to be a man while I taught my first year of high school science and waited to complete my full social transition. It was really hard. On the days that I wore a button-down shirt and dress pants to school, I felt trapped; on the days that I wore a school t-shirt and loose jeans, I felt like I was falling apart. Using my “guy voice” made me flinch almost constantly, because it didn’t feel like mine. I had to constantly remind myself that I was a woman, and that I would get through this. It’s difficult, when everyone around you is using your deadname and misgendering you. Here are the three things that helped me the most: 1) I built a support network for myself in my personal life. When I was looking for a house to move into, I made sure that my housemates were okay with me being trans and that they wouldn’t be uncomfortable with me being myself at home. Coming out to strangers like that was difficult, but I couldn’t bear another year of only being myself when I was in a locked bedroom. I was also lucky enough to have a queer community center in my town where I attended weekly trans support group meetings, which gave me a way to dress authentically and be seen and affirmed. I’m not lying when I say that I looked forward to those support meetings every second that I wasn’t in them. If you’re in a pre-coming-out situation and don’t have a physical queer community space right now (or that space is closed because of quarantine), online spaces are also amazing places to seek out affirmation and be seen. Discord, Reddit...just make sure that any Facebook groups you join aren’t marked public or everyone you’re friends with will be able to see your posts and comments from that group on their feeds. I learned that the hard way, thankfully long after I came out. Many queer community centers, if you live relatively close to them, are also doing weekly online support meetings right now to try and keep those affirming spaces alive during covid. 2) I started saying daily self-affirmations. Mine went “My name is Rachel Tikvah [Lastname], and I am a woman. I am a sister, I am a daughter, and I am enough.” I set phone alarms to say it in the morning before work, in the afternoon after work, and I also whispered it under my breath anytime that I felt like I just couldn’t take pretending any longer. Not only did it help me in the moment, it helped me to get used to my new name while my deadname was still being regularly used. If the above affirmation doesn’t feel like it would work for you, I have no doubt that there are plenty of trans self-affirmations that you can look up online and choose from. 3) I focused on the approaching milestones. I got through my first autumn by building my wardrobe and picking out my new first and middle names. By then, I had decided that I would start hormones on my birthday in February and counted down the days until then. Starting hormones brought a bunch of early transition milestones with them that I could focus on, and I worked out a deal with school administration that I would come out over the summer and start my second school year as a woman. That gave me an ultimate goal to work towards. Every step I took, every accomplishment I made, brought me closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Knowing that kept me strong, and it kept me hopeful for the day when I would never have to worry about pretending to be a man ever again. If you’re currently in a dark place and not sure when you’ll be able to transition medically or socially, figure out what those milestones are for you and focus on what steps and amount of time it will take before they’ll come true. If you don’t have any milestones to look forward to, try to create some for yourself. Order some trans gear to start wearing if you have a safe way to do so! Work towards choosing a new name for yourself if you want a new one! Celebrate the anniversary of coming out to yourself with your friends each year! Whatever you can think of, put it on your mental calendar and look forward to it while you wait. Bonus Ask 27: What do you do to validate yourself? The self-affirmations that I mentioned in ask 40 really helped, and I still say them almost daily now that I’m out. They’re especially helpful when I’m feeling particularly dysphoric. As someone who is also very proud of my Jewish identity, I also say the blessing “thank you god for creating me as a woman” when I take my hormones or when looking at my body makes me smile. Those are beautiful moments that I thought for the longest time would never happen, and I want to sanctify every one of them. The Hebrew for this modified blessing can be found on this blog post: https://velveteenrabbi.blogs.com/blog/2012/03/on-bodies-blood-and-blessings.html Apart from that, one of my big refuges is clothing. I have a wardrobe full of cute clothes (there’s something beautiful about coming out of the closet and then filling it with dresses) that I’ll wear if I need to feel extra-feminine or sure of myself. I’ll put on makeup before going outside, and if I need it, I’ll take a picture of myself and post it to one of the queer discord servers I’m part of with a request for positive affirmations about my femininity. Knowing that I’m being seen by people that I care about and that they think I’m beautiful always means a lot and helps me feel better if I’m having trouble chasing the dysphoria away on my own. Between positive self-affirmations and being seen and cheered on by friends, I’m usually able to make myself feel better if I need that extra boost of validation. I should also mention that while it doesn’t come up a lot now that I’m not being regularly deadnamed, I used to ask friends to use my chosen name more in conversation than they would otherwise. Hearing it more chased away the intrusive thoughts, most of which at the time were my brain saying my deadname to me whenever there was a moment of silence. My brain was quieter when my friends were using my real name regularly. Okay, I hope that that gave you a little bit more insight into me and my transition! I am living proof that trans people can come out to themselves in adulthood and turn out alright. Gender is a galaxy, and I’ve remade myself out of the stardust. I hope that any trans people reading this have been/are able to transition safely as well. You’re all amazing, and you deserve happiness.

#trans #trans positivity #trans asks #thaumaturgethoughts #transition

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 5 years

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Will I be accepted by most next to all of the trans community if I only have a little bit of dysphoria i.e, I don’t despise my breasts yet I’m not comfortable with them? I have started transitioning (( ftm )) I just don’t want to fully commit and then not be accepted by the community. Thank You!!💜💜

Lee says:

Honestly, I think the majority of trans people don’t really care much about what a random other person’s level of dysphoria is.

Like when I meet another trans person, we sometimes talk about coming out, or our family’s reaction or about how our transitions have been going (If you can tell from my answers on this blog, I love to talk about my medical transition lol), but people never ask me “How much dysphoria do you have?”. Like sometimes they’ll say they feel dysphoric about something, but nobody asks you to rate your dysphoria on like a 1-10 scale in normal conversation.

There are some trans people who think you need a certain threshold level of dysphoria to merit transitioning, but I don’t think most people will find it unusual if you say “I’m not comfortable with my chest so I decided to bind/get top surgery” instead of saying “I despise my breasts, so…”

While some people do have extreme dysphoria about everything, a lot of people have medium amounts of dysphoria about some things, little dysphoria about other things, and fluctuating dysphoria about a few things, and so on. There isn’t one universal level of dysphoria a trans person has to have in order to be valid. In fact, some people are trans without dysphoria.

The reason I transitioned isn’t because I wanted the trans community to accept me. Honestly, when I came out I wasn’t even thinking about what other trans people would think- I was worried about how my family and friends would react. I transitioned because I needed to have a body I felt comfortable in, so I could be happier and so I could have less dysphoria.

But when I did start posting online about my transition, I got an unfortunate amount of hate from other trans people. I’m non-binary and genderqueer, and folks said that I shouldn’t be on low-dose T because it would turn me into a man and I would regret it once I realized that non-binary people are actually confused cis people looking for attention, that taking T would make me dysphoric because I’m not a trans guy, that I shouldn’t have gotten top surgery because it’s taking a surgery date that could have gone to a man who really needed it, that getting a hysterectomy without an oophorectomy was pointless, that I’m fetishizing who knows what by and creating an ‘inhuman’ body by scheduling phalloplasty to get a penis while keeping my vagina. And so forth. The reaction I’ve received from the trans community hasn’t always been positive.

I do believe it’s a small but vocal minority of “hatekeepers” who were all in a tizzy about me being able to choose what I want to do with my body- the majority of the trans community is either supportive or doesn’t care, it’s just the truscum who make a fuss.

But even if other trans people didn’t support me, it wouldn’t stop me because I know what I need for myself and it doesn’t matter what other people think I should do.

You’re saying if you aren’t accepted by “most/next to all of the trans community” then you won’t do what you need to do to be happy in your own life. But then you’re resigning yourself to an entire life, the rest of your years alive, hiding who you are, pretending you’re something that you’re not, and actively denying yourself the things that would make you happy.

You fully commit to your transition not because of what others think, but because of what is right for you. In the end, you’ll be happier with the way you move through the world because of that- and remember, 99% of the people you interact with in your life aren’t dysphoria discoursers.

So honestly, even if my answer was “You won’t be accepted by the trans community” (Which is definitely not true) that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t transition and do what you need to do to feel comfortable and happy in your body and life. There will always be some people who are transphobic or ignorant.

Not being accepted by people sucks, but you don’t need 1 million people to theoretically support you if you have 5 good friends who actually support you. I know the feeling of “I don’t want to do this unless I’ll be supported in it” and that’s valid, but you don’t need the whole community to agree with what you’re doing, you just need a few people- and it’s always possible to find a few folks who are accepting and supportive.

So yes, I think that all people who want to transition atypically, all non-binary people who want to medically transition, all trans people with microlabels or neopronouns, all trans people with atypical dysphoria, little dysphoria, or no dysphoria, all trans people who are sometimes not accepted within the community, should get to choose their happiness and follow through on it because there’s always a path and there will always be someone you can find who will accept you even if you don’t find them at first. Don’t let the haters in the community keep you from doing what you want to do.

If you’re happy in your body and in your life, that’s what matters- not what other people think, even if those other people are in the trans community.

#Lee says #ftm #transitioning #chest m #breast m #dysphoria #vagina m #transphobia m #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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transmedicalism-saves-lives · 5 years

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You seem an intelligent and thoughtful young man, so please drop the "Pro-NB". This entire "non-binary" craze is pure foolishness and won't reflect well on the people who used to support it once it's gone away again. Someone like you can honestly do better.

I’m sorry, but that would be inauthentic of me to do. I’m well aware that I’m wrong about a lot of things right now, and nobody can say for certain which things I’m wrong about because everyone holds false beliefs, everyone. I have no shame in the idea that I might be proven wrong. However, I would be ashamed if I pretended to have objective certainty of a negative.

It is technically possible for a nonbinary brain to exist, with the precise ratio of grey and white matter in place. It might be a one in a hundred thousand thing, but that’s still seventy thousand people alive- a tiny amount, but a real one.

Most people aren’t nonbinary who say they are, no. Almost every trans person I’ve met went through at leaat a month or so of thinking they were nonbinary, and plenty of cis people go through the same thing. Nonbinary can be a useful tool for questioning, if nothing else. But there are dysphoric people for whom the label of nonbinary makes more logical sense than FtM or MtF. There are people with incomplete dysphoria who don’t want to fully transition, and who might need to mitigate that distress differently than a binary trans person.

Brains are complicated as hell. We do not have a super straightforward condition, and while it is possible, in the future, that I’ll be proven wrong, it was also possible twenty years ago that people supporting transsexuals would be proven wrong, and I’m extremely glad that some people took that risk anyway.

#ask #tw: nonbinary discourse #nonbinary

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ceriseskies · 5 years

Text

It’s 5am Let’s Fucking Do This

Dear Transgender Transmedicalists.

You’ve been on my mind recently. I made this very emotionally driven post to get some of my frustration out, and well, the response I got from one of you, was— well, I got roasted.

So. Feeling like I owed a debt or something, I’ve done a little research, I’ve gone through some of your blogs. I have read actual trans people’s takes on you. And I think I’m going to to bring a new weapon to the ring: empathy. It’s not one I see a lot of use of on Tumblr.

Because there’s one thing you’re absolutely right about: Most, or at least a sizable amount of “truscum” are transgender.

(For the uninitiated, that means they believe you need gender dysphoria to be trans—non-dysphorics are called “transtrenders” or “tucutes”. Usually, but not always, comes with nb-phobia.)

First of all, I want to say where I think you’re right, because it’s only fair, and I want to show I’m being sincere about this.

For starters, I know Tumblr has this “you’re perfect and valid just the way you are babey!!!! Don’t change a thing!!!! <3<3<3!!!” And I can see why someone who suffers from severe dysphoria and needs medical transition for their mental health is scared off by that. I’m not here to police your positivity. If hearing someone tell you “your hormones are coming, and your transition will be smooth, quick, and soon, and you’ll come out of it a beautiful girl/handsome man” is what keeps you alive, then surround yourself in it. I want you to be healthy and happy.

Also, I believe that no one should have to date a trans person. That’s rapey. HOWEVER, I would question what makes someone uncomfortable about it. The genitalia? Okay, that’s valid. But a lot of other excuses are pretty thinly veiled transphobia, because no matter what kind of man/woman you like, a there’s a transgender person who fits those requirements. And don’t date someone transitioning away from the gender you’re attracted to. That’s sleazy.

And honestly, I think a lot of the “non-dysphoric” trans kids do experience some dysphoria, judging by their accounts. Just not an overwhelming, crippling level like I see most transmeds experience. There’s a lot of misinformation about it, and can see why they might not recognize it. And there’s a lot of dysphoric people would don’t even realize they have it until they become acquainted with their real gender. I would estimate that 90% of trans/nb people will experience some degree of it at some point in their life.

But even if 100% were dysphoric, I’d still be opposed to it being the defining characteristic. Why? Well, it makes being transgender sound like a medical disorder. And the idea of an LGBT (and continued, but that’s for another day, kids) identity being considered a disorder gives me major ick vibes—think conversion therapy, religious exorcisms, homosexuality being in the DSM…

Let’s start by breaking down the philosophy, because I can’t start telling you what you believe is wrong until I assess what you believe.

The belief of your average “truscum” is that gender dysphoria is the core of ThE TRanS eXpErIeNcE, whereas “trenders” believe gender to be a less tangible and more fluid concept.

It’s essentially dysphoria cure-seekers versus the gender truth-seekers, which, are the terms I’m gonna use now, because as a non-trans individual all these words feel dirty in my mouth.

Dysphoria sucks. And a lot of the cure-seekers are very much displeased with their trans identity. To them, being cis is good—they want to be cis. They encourage those comfortable with their assigned gender to be happy about it! Therefore, they’re completely at odds with the gender-is-a-social-construct, down-with-cis ideology of the gender “truth-seekers” who are encouraging kids to create new genders and just find what feels right. They can’t imagine having fun being trans—it hasn’t been for them.

And because of that, well, I can never be too mad at them.

There’s also an element of deep insecurity. Pretty much every dysphoria cure-seeker has latched on hard to the idea of brain sex, despite the science being shaky at best. It gives you the explanation you need for your dysphoria. You want a solid scientific ground, not just cheesy platitudes about it being ~how you feel inside~.

Just like every other trans person on Tumblr dot com, you’re seeking validation. That’s normal. Even you worry about being fakes sometimes.

But let’s not get too ahead ourselves here, it’s still mostly about people who aren’t “trans enough”.

The problem here is that in seeking your own validity, you’re stomping on other trans people.

I’ll let Casey, a lovely, 100% bona-fide trans woman, take it from here.

Now, usually when I hear the word “transtrender”, I find it’s not usually used at someone who has professed a lack of dysphoria. It’s usually someone who is being trans “incorrectly”.

For example, Riley J Dennis gets called a trender a lot, despite her talking about her own dysphoria on several occasions.

See, there’s a real fear that all these new gender experimenters are going to make the trans community look like a joke.

There’s a belief that these cool-new-gender-flexible-trans-kids are reinforcing trans about trans being a trend, and thus, blocking “real trans” from getting the help they need.

And you’ll notice that neither of these complaints has anything to with dysphoria. This is whining about people being annoying.

This is… very optics-focused. And hey, I think Tumblr downplays the importance of looking good to the average public. However, actual people matter more than outside impressions.

And also, who is the audience for this? Transphobes?

This tangential comment thread on Innuendo Studios’s “White Fascism” video gets it.

A lot of you simply want to assimilate into society as your real gender. You want to pass, be given the right pronouns, and get the hormones and surgery you deserve. And you want cis people to acknowledge you the correct way.

And so you try your best to be the “ideal trans person” for the cisgendered. You experience dysphoria, you want to pass, you’re actively seeking transition.

Sometimes you even join in the bullying.

There’s a lot of sucking up here. All lot of trying to to prove yourself to someone who wants you to suck them off.

And I refuse to suck the cishets’ metaphorical dicks. However, their real dicks might still be on the table if they treat me right,

Look, there’s quite a few transphobes out there who are unwilling to admit they’re transphobes, are looking for a cop-out. And this rhetoric enables their transphobia, using this guise which even comes with free trans supporters!!!

But eventually, they’ll turn on you. When you start challenging their perceptions, when you start stepping on their toes, when you become too inconvenient to be a shield against accusations of transphobia, they’ll toss you right in the garbage with all the “trenders” and “tucutes” you��ve been stomping on, and something tells me you’re not getting a warm welcome in that “garbage can”.

And they’re going to treat you like shit. And you’re going to be surprised when they teach you like shit. You’re going to have to learn the hard way that a conditional ally is not a real ally, and your beliefs are all about being conditionally accepting.

Transphobes don’t care about you or your struggles. If they did, they wouldn’t be transphobes.

What’s all of this going to get you?

What’s the endgame? Like when you kick out all the transtrenders, what will you have earned?

Will you have taken back your “trans spaces”? Will you have gotten rid of those annoying kids at the expense of actual people who need those places?

Will you have more of the non-finite trans resources?

What will that earn you?

You do realize that if you achieved your goal, you’d probably just start attacking each other, right?

And then we’d be back at square one. Because if there’s one thing all humans, cis, trans, or nonbinary, it’s someone to feel better than, no matter how stupid or toxic the reason is. Look. I don’t know what’s going on in each of your individual heads, and I don’t know any of you personally. I can’t tell you what has personally driven you to transmedicalism, but I hope you leave it behind one day.

All I can say is that I know a lot of you have had your own struggles, and as a (maybe?) good cis ally and fellow LGBT person, I sympathize with you. I’ve done my best to try and dismantle your worldview.

And I want you to know: it gets better. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I know someone does, especially someone who’s ideology portrays their very being as inherently suffering.

Look, my PMs are open if you want to talk to me about this (or anything else). Please be polite, don’t come at me with callous accusatory questions you don’t actually want me to answer.

With love,

Cerise

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aquarianlights · 7 years

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Hey I just have a question, as a transboy do you wear a binder on a daily basis and how do you deal in the summer if it's hot where you are? I find that it's extremely uncomfortable when it's hot to wear an extra layer and I'm just wondering if you know of any like lighter solutions than a normal binder? Xx

I actually don’t know any lighter solutions to binders, tbh. :/ I’m sorry. My favourite binder is from a company…uhm…GC2B? Or uh…something like that. Anyways…it’s absolutely amazing. And it’s actually rather breatheable, surprisingly. It does still get hot af, though. But I mean…during the summer, if you ARE going to wear binders…wear the ones that only cover the bare minimum. Like…only ones that cover your chest and nothing else. It helps with the heat problem a bunch. 😣 Coz I mean…if you don’t wear a binder, you’re probably gonna wear a bra (I hope???) so that’s still an extra layer in a sense but holy fuck bras are SO MUCH MORE BREATHEABLE THAN BINDERS. Not to mention they don’t squeeze you like binders do. “But that’s common sense, Riles. Don’t even go there.” Okay okay sorry. Tangent.

BUT. To answer your other question…I don’t always bind in the summer for the heat reasons. If I know I’m gonna be outside for more than 30 minutes, I don’t wear a binder. I am susceptible to heat exhaustion because of my medications so I have to be really careful. Not to mention, I get hot as fuck SO easily…and it puts me in SUCH a bad mood, that if someone even so much as rubbed me the wrong way, I would probably snap their neck off. You have no idea how many physical fights I have gotten into simply because it was too hot out and I had been in the sun too long. Fucking hell, I mean, …with what global warming (cough humans cough) is doing to this planet, I would not even be surprised if wearing a binder could KILL YOU in this heat. I mean, in case you missed it, things are literally MELTING in Arizona. Like. Fuck, dude. ._. Idk about you, but, being psychologically tortured and uncomfortable is better than dying of heat stroke or heat exhaustion or yknow…being literally cooked alive from the inside out. So no I don’t really wear binders during the summer. Or hot months in general.

I don’t always wear a binder when it’s comfortable out, either. I have to outwardly portray as female around my family so I don’t get beaten or yelled at or locked up. I also outwardly portray as female when I’m at home in the south. Basically because I’m scared of getting raped or shot or burned alive or whatever. I have had cis men shout at me that they want to “rape the girl back into me” and I have had a gun pointed to my head over my expressing myself as male outwardly. So…I mean…I’m just…scared, tbh. And since I’m in MA SURROUNDED BY FAMILY (aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins, third cousins, …I mean…holy wow, practically my whole damn family is up here so I’m constantly in the presence of everyone AND their friends) I just don’t bother binding. However…I have fairly small breasts and I always wear a bra that tucks them close to my chest in a comfortable way (not always a sports bra). So when I put on my clothes over that…it really only looks like I have little raises on my chest. You can barely tell at all. I mean, yes, you can tell…but it covers it pretty nicely. Helps that my breasts are really small.

But…I do think that I’m gonna start binding when I go to family things now. Coz after talking to one of my second cousins, I have found out that our family is pretty open to the LGBTQIA+ population…as we have QUITE A FEW lesbians and gays in our family. I think I’m the only transgender one, though. But some…a lot…of my family knows what transgender is (surprisingly, even a lot of my older 40-50+ aged family memebers know transgender things)…and I came out to a lot of people I felt it was safe to come out to so far…so I mean…I feel like when my mom introduces me as my birth name, I am going to start stepping up and saying “Please. Call me Riley. I am transgender and I don’t go by that name anymore.” Because I’m finding out that…the north is a LOT more accepting of us than the south is. Like…I don’t feel like I’m gonna get raped or murdered here if I go out of the house with my chest bound and portrayed as outwardly male. So I’m gonna start doing that…coz, I mean… I’m going to be getting on hormones anyways so my family will find out EVENTUALLY ANYWAYS. WHY NOT NOW. UGH.

Fuck. Tangent…sorry, mate. Lol.

But ANYWAYS…to answer your questions:No, I don’t know any cooler options to a binder. If any of my followers know, PLEASE shoot me an ask to publish or respond to this ask in the thread.No, I don’t wear a binder in the summer.

And, yes, I’m completely downplaying how utterly PHYSICALLY ILL it makes me feel to go outside outwardly portraying as female…but I will be damned if I end up passing out in the middle of Boston because I couldn’t handle taking my binder off. I do NOT want to die…and that would be an EXTREMELY painful way to die. And YES the dysphoria it causes makes me FEEL like I’m dying, but…fuck it. I can’t handle heat, man…the way the binders squeeze me makes the heat thing even more unbearable. And binders+heat=panic attacks for me. Coz I feel like I can’t breathe.

So…man…the only thing I can advise is invest in some bras that push your breasts down. Sports bras are a good way to start…but I found some that are a lot softer than that, push without it FEELING like it’s pushing, and gently cup your boobs on the inside with super soft breatheable material. And most of it is netted material…so it’s nice and breatheable. I think I got them at Target? Maybe Wal-Mart. Fuck, I can’t remember.

But I SERIOUSLY recommend getting a binder from these GC2B people. I forget if that’s the right name of the company…I will edit this when I can google it. Sorry. I’m on mobile. BUT ANYWAYS dude lemme fuckin tell you about these badass binders okay. 😎 Like holy fuck where do I start. They’re fashionable, they’re breatheable, they fit like a glove when you get the right size (and omg they have AMAZING staff and customer support that will help you return yours if it’s not the right size and exchange it for another size), they don’t squeeze you to death, they’re made of REALLY nice material, they don’t pull on your shoulders, they come in a variety of colours and skin tones and different models, they’re extremely durable…and they do the job they’re designed to do. And they do it DAMN WELL. When I put mine on, you can’t tell I have boobs at all. It chisels my chest into nice pecs. Like…I could not ask for a better binder. They’re not super expensive either. I mean…yeah, they cost a good bit, but they’re not “expensive”. They cost a COMPLETELY fair amount. And I PROMISE YOU they will help you find your right size no matter how many times you have to exchange sizes. And yes they have a measuring chart…like every FTM shop should!

But anyways I’m going on another tangent.

I’m really sorry I couldn’t answer your questions…Sometimes I wear baggy tops to cover my chest when I’m feeling more dysphoric than usual. And I feel dysphoric every time I don’t bind my chest. So summer fucking sucks. Stay indoors…lol. That’s the best advice…if you do things indoors, a binder shouldn’t be a problem. A/C is a fucking miracle, tbh. 😧

If anyone has any answers or personal experience to share for this lovely person, PLEASE hit up my inbox so I can publish it…or reply to this thread so nons can keep track of it. 🙂

Ily nonny! I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I know that feel all too well… I really hope you find a solution that helps with the awful dysphoria. :/ And if you DO figure out something on your own…PLEASE come back and let me know. I would love to be able to comfortably bind during the summer without being cooked alive by the sun. Lol.

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