#mormonandgay

[nerdygaymormon]

You posted that Ben is now open to dating and romantic relationships, but you didn't share any thoughts about it. Does it bother you that someone like you is choosing to not honor the rules of the church?

I'm glad Ben shared with people about his decision. I think after being well-known for saying he will be single & celibate forever, it's good that he's transparent that he's shifted.

For me as a queer Latter-day Saint, it does not bother me that other queer people make their own choices to do what is healthy for themselves. Reconciling your queer orientation with your religious identity is hard. Doing so in the spotlight is even harder.

Over the course of a year, David Archuleta announced he's stepping away from the Church, Charlie Bird got married, and now Ben Schilaty announced he's dating. About 2 years ago Tom Christofferson announced that he's dating.

This has happened many times before, such as when most of the profiles of queer members on the website mormonandgay were removed because they'd fallen in love and left the church. Over and over, a similar story and a similar outcome.

If we can't keep these good people who try their best to make this work, it says a lot about what is being required of them. I think this continual turnover of even its most visible and beloved queer icons signals that something is just not right with the Church’s position on LGBTQ+ matters.

FYI, for the anon's benefit, you shouldn't assume that I don't date and am not open to romantic relationships.

[ssamovie]

Wow! Check out @appletv’s Recent Discoveries! ——— #ssamovie #mormon #gaymovies #gaymovie #lgbtmovie #queerfilm #lds #byu #mormonandgay #mormonism #church #latterdaysaints #churchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints #apple #documentary #recentdiscoveries #appletv #itunes #film #filmmaking #gocougs #utah #utahfilm #utahfilmawards @utahfilm @usgabyu @theoutfoundation @outmagazine @npr @doug_fabrizio 🔴🟡🔵 (at BYU) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMQ5YPZBwJY/?igshid=193tto6mnl79m

[gaymarriedandmormon]

Goodreads summary:

Three years ago, Tanner Scott’s family relocated from California to Utah, a move that nudged the bisexual teen temporarily back into the closet. Now, with one semester of high school to go, and no obstacles between him and out-of-state college freedom, Tanner plans to coast through his remaining classes and clear out of Utah.

But when his best friend Autumn dares him to take Provo High’s prestigious Seminar—where honor roll students diligently toil to draft a book in a semester—Tanner can’t resist going against his better judgment and having a go, if only to prove to Autumn how silly the whole thing is. Writing a book in four months sounds simple. Four months is an eternity.

It turns out, Tanner is only partly right: four months is a long time. After all, it takes only one second for him to notice Sebastian Brother, the Mormon prodigy who sold his own Seminar novel the year before and who now mentors the class. And it takes less than a month for Tanner to fall completely in love with him...

[organicfishass]

Just in case any of you want a glimpse into how terrifyingly brain-washing serving an LDS mission is:

I consistantly self-harmed while serving, (very discreetly, so that my companions wouldn't notice) yet the thing that filled me with enough fear and guilt and worry that I sought help from my Mission President was the fact that I'm gay. So.

[nerdygaymormon]

Didn’t Elder Bednar make a comment in one of his talks or youth firesides saying church members shouldn’t be calling themselves “gay” and that it’s more appropriate to say “same-sex attracted?”

In a March 2016 Face-to-Face broadcast, this question was asked, "How can homosexual members of the church live and remain steadfast in the gospel?"

in response, Elder Bednar replied, "First I want to change the question – there are no homosexual members of the church. We are not defined by sexual attraction. We are not defined by sexual behavior."

As he continued speaking, he mentioned people who "have an inclination to be attracted to those of the same sex."

It was a very tone-deaf answer.

In fairness to Elder Bednar, he was sticking to the approach the church had which was not to use the words gay or homosexual. The idea is that this is not who you are or a part of you or an enduring aspect of your spirit, instead it's a trial of the flesh and it's like having a disability or an addiction.

Later that year in October 2016, the church's mormonandgay website said it's okay to use the labels Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual, while the website still primarily used the term "experience same-sex attraction."

It may not be fair, but Elder Bednar comes across to me as strict without much compassion and that was exemplified in his answer back in 2016. He didn't acknowledge the heart of the question, that what is asked of queer members is difficult. Instead of offering encouragement or empathy, he instead made a big deal about what language queer people should or shouldn't use to identify themselves.

[ssamovie]

Wow! Check out @appletv’s Recent Discoveries! ——— #ssamovie #mormon #gaymovies #gaymovie #lgbtmovie #queerfilm #lds #byu #mormonandgay #mormonism #church #latterdaysaints #churchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints #apple #documentary #recentdiscoveries #appletv #itunes #film #filmmaking #gocougs #utah #utahfilm #utahfilmawards @utahfilm @usgabyu @theoutfoundation @outmagazine @npr @doug_fabrizio 🔴🟡🔵 (at BYU) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMQ4xOrBl6T/?igshid=yu9poisyhg9j

[nerdygaymormon]

An update from Jessyca who was featured on the mormonandgay website

She’s found love!

Her video has been removed from the mormonandgay website. There’s not many personal story videos left on that page. 

This video, which should be so joyful, is mostly her acknowledging that she’s letting down some people who saw her as an example that gays could live the church lifestyle.

She’s pretty courageous

[ssamovie]

Looking for more Mormon & Gay content produced by LGBTQ individuals? Check out this Latter-Day Lesbian Podcast with fun and friendly hosts Mary & Shelly. All of their stuff is a hoot n' a holler, but in this latest episode they also graciously mention our film! ❤️ PLUS, starting today, we will be turning around and giving 10% of every donation to our film to our friends at USGA, the off-campus group of LGBT BYU students who work tirelessly (on their own) to provide "a safe space for open, respectful conversation on LGBTQ & SSA topics." We are getting more and more excited about finishing this long-standing film project in the next few months! If you'd like to support our film and help us finish it and get it out there, go to www.SSAmovie.com/support and click through to the Utah Film Center's online donation portal. All donations are tax-deductible, and 10% of all donations to our film from now through #PrideMonth will go to the much-deserving students at USGA! And thanks again, Mary and Shelly! 🏳️‍🌈 -- #LGBT #byu #gay #mormon #lds #mormonandgay #queer #lgbtq #pride #slcpride #utah #film #ssamovie #ssa #brighamyounguniversity #utahfilm #documentary #latterdaysaints #mormon #gocougs (at Salt Lake County, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxsJS8Hhf0n/?igshid=5rsh2m7or26y

[ssamovie]

Two days ago, LDS leader (Apostle) Jeffrey R. Holland spoke at good ol' BYU with nothing but chastisement and words of aggression; towards queer-affirming faculty and staff, towards active members with progressive-leaning politics, and even towards one queer individual: Matt Easton (who we are delighted to report is handling the situation wonderfully) (the one who was on Ellen). The intolerance of #Queer / #LGBT / #SSA individuals within #Mormonism is not new. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has an extensive and well-documented history of anti-lgbt rhetoric and action, but there is good news: there is ALSO an extensive history of pro-lgbt stories and triumphs in our ever-growing community! In 2020, in the middle of the #pandemic, we officially released our film Same-Sex Attracted. "Same-Sex Attracted" is a feature documentary about the #LGBTQ communities around #BYU and the students on campus. As fellow students (and then alumni) ourselves, we the filmmakers were able to invite then-current students to share their heartwrenching stories with the world in the hopes of spreading accurate awareness of the harsh realities of being #Queer in a toxic religious culture such as the one at BYU. "Same-Sex Attracted" (2020) is available to watch on multiple streaming platforms online. Visit our website or click the link below to watch and learn more about what it's like to be Queer at the Lord's University. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12615012/?ref_=tt_urv ____________ #byu #LoveNotMuskets #ssamovie #lgbtq #queer #gay #lgbtqia #ssa #lds #mormon #latterdaysaints #ldschurch #mormonandgay @gravitasventures @amazonprimevideo @tubi @imdb #queerfilm (at BYU) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBtTZNrpqY/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ssamovie]

This is a sneak peek into what it’s like being Queer at @brighamyounguniversity. We are seen as scary antagonists. We are actually beautiful and kind protagonists. There is no empathy for the LGBT community in these flyers. Watch our film to gain some empathy. ________ #byu #lgbtq #gaymovies #gaymovie #lgbtmovie #queerfilm #lgbtmovie #queerpodcast #film #lgbt #lgbtq #queer #gay #mormon #mormonandgay #lds #latterdaylesbian #latterdaysaints #latterdaysaint #churchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints #family #proclamation #proclamationtotheworld #ldsproclamation #mormons #brighamyoung #protectfamilies (at BYU) https://www.instagram.com/p/CL8QQyqhhMJ/?igshid=ecwdz292jf54

[ssamovie]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by "Same-Sex Attracted" Movie (@ssamovie)

Cheers, mate! Thank you @melbqueerfilmfest for being selected as a Finalist. We’re honored to be a part of your community! #aussie _____ #gaymovies #gaymovie #mqff #ssamovie #lgbtmovie #queerfilm #byu #lds #mormon #mormonandgay #lgbtq #queer #latterdaylesbian #latterdaysaints #gocougs #film #filmmaking #doc #documentary #indie (at BYU) https://www.instagram.com/p/CL7dix6hCpI/?igshid=bob6asp2ta8m

[ssamovie]

More good news! In case you haven’t already heard, @affirmation.lds is now hosting our film “SAME-SEX ATTRACTED” through the rest of their international conference (ends Oct. 4th)! Students can register for $15 for the entire conference and see the film that way, or you can apply for a scholarship! This is great news for anyone who hasn’t seen the film yet and wants to watch it before it is available online (which we will hopefully have more info about soon!) Stay safe everyone ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 #lgbt #ssamovie #byu #gocougs #queer #mormon #gay #lgbtq #lds #mormonandgay (at Salt Lake City, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/CFQABGKBSEc/?igshid=119h4g19zq0f9

[gaymarriedandmormon]

It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion-- its message becomes meaningless.

Abraham Heschel, God in Search of Man

[ssamovie]

Check out our mention on the latest Mormon Stories Podcast episodes! Our Producer and her family were featured talking about their experience growing up Mormon, their faith transitions, and Maddy's coming out while at BYU. (P.S. "Same-Sex Attracted" comes up in episode #1122) ---- #ssamovie #byu #lds #mormon #gay #lgbtq #lgbt #queer #mormonandgay #brighamyounguniversity #comingout #pridemonth #pride #gaypride #film #documentary #samesex #samesexattracted #movie #latterdaysaints #thechurchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints #saints #podcast #podcasts (at Davis, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByZBTM6BDZ2/?igshid=5mab9y1bu0an

[nerdygaymormon]

Did you see President Nelson's talk to the young adults of the church where he spoke about which labels to use for our identities? What do you think it?

I watched a recording of President Nelson's remarks from Sunday.

The part of the devotional you're referring to is when he said the most important labels we have are:

Child of God

Child of the Covenant

Disciple of Jesus Christ

He spends a lot of time going through other sorts of identifying labels and warns "the adversary rejoices in labels because they divide us and restrict the way we think about ourselves and each other."

He goes on to warn that no abuse or prejudice towards others is justified because of how they choose to identify themselves (such as by their nationality, race, sexual orientation and gender).

He also warns against any label that isn't compatible with the first three labels, which he says are unchanging identities.

————————————————————

Where did "child of the covenant" come from? I can't recall ever hearing that phrase before. Never before was it taught as one of our core, eternal identities.

Being a child of the covenant and being a disciple of Christ are both choices, so I don’t know why he says they are “enduring,” especially when there are other characteristics which are more enduring and difficult/impossible to change

I agree those three labels he put at the top are important to believers, but they also are ways of dividing ourselves and can be impediments to unity

————————————————————

I’m glad he said if we’re being prejudiced to people based on their nationality, race, sexual orientation and gender, then we are not following God.

I hope he really means it and the Church will terminate all such discrimination. Even if he means individuals in their private lives shouldn’t treat others differently or refuse them service, but the church will continue to limit opportunities, that’s still moving a step forward. No marginalizing individuals based on traits they can’t change and are intrinsic to them.

————————————————————

This is much softer than how the church leaders have spoken about labels in the past, which usually included cautions against LGBT labels. This time he didn't specifically caution against LGBT labels, but the language is such that it could be implied.

I want to point out that the Church's mormonandgay website & same-sex attraction website both say it's okay to use the LGBT labels (even though the Church clearly prefers the term "same-sex attraction")

————————————————————

I noticed he used “gender” and not “sex.” There is a difference between the two. Gender is a construct, gender is performative. Consequently I would say gender identity is implied or included with the term “gender.”

————————————————————

There's a certain simplicity and charm in thinking if we could get rid of labels, we are getting rid of the things that divide us and it would help us to be united.

It's an especially compelling idea to those in the large, dominant group. Removing labels is a way of saying everyone is basically like yourself, labels perpetuate or emphasize differences that don't matter much.

It's invalidating to those who differ from the larger population. Our differences are important in how we understand ourselves and should be seen and appreciated.

It reminds me of when a white person says "I don't see race," or "I don't see color,” which is a way of denying the racial identity of others. To say you don't see another person's race is to negate the reality that their race contributes to the experiences they have as they navigate society. It also implies they should deny or get rid of their racial identity and that you don’t want to learn about how racism impacts their life. It denies the current reality and history we live with.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a long history of denying that gay, trans, and queer people exist. Has said people should not use words such as lesbian or bi in describing themselves, and described having same-sex attractions as something to be struggled against. For decades the church was a proponent of reparative therapy, for hiding your sexual orientation & entering mixed-orientation marriages. The Church has a history of fighting against marriage equality and other basic rights. Just this year, a church leader described the rainbow flag and coming out at BYU as divisive and encouraged metaphorical "musket fire" against LGBTQ+ equality.

Given that history, when the president of the church says we shouldn't label ourselves, or that only these 3 labels are important, it can feel like this is yet another assault on LGBTQ+ individuals, another attempt to erase us or diminish us.

————————————————————

Here's the thing, identifying as gay doesn't replace my identity as a child of God. I can be both and I am both. One doesn't negate the other.

You can be a Queer child of God, a queer disciple, and a queer child of the covenant. You can be any and all of these, or none.

————————————————————

It feels like the invitation from the Church is that LGBTQIA people are welcome to come be a part of us...

but don't bring the rainbow flag

and don't use identity labels

and don't tell others about this part of you

and don’t transition

and don’t make us uncomfortable

and you aren't going to the Celestial Kingdom

and you won't be gay or trans when you die

and...

that's not welcoming

[nerdygaymormon]

The Church needs Elder Queers

I saw a zoom fireside where people lamented their gay and trans children leaving the church. They talked about things the local church congregation did or didn’t do that hurt their child. They spoke about what a loss it is for the church to be losing these queer members because they have so much to offer.

I saw a different zoom fireside where the person was saying gay members of the church feel alone, they don’t see anyone else like them, and he wanted to say, “you’re the 3rd gay BYU student who has come to speak to me today.” His point is queer members need more visibility in the church. 

It got me thinking that for several years now, the LDS Church leaders have been saying there's room for queer people at church, there’s a space for you here. 

I think young LGBTQ+ people look around & don't see queer adults. That speaks louder than being told there's a place for them. They also learn the “place” for them in church isn’t equal, they get some very tough rules that only apply to them and not the cishet members of the church. 

Until the Church becomes a place that keeps & attracts queer adults, it's going to keep losing younger queer people.

What would it take to attract gay or trans people to join this church? If you’re not willing to change to make it a place hospitable to that group, then you’ll lose your gay and trans youth because they also will see it as a space that’s not welcoming to them.

I’ve also been thinking a lot of how since 2000, the church has been actively sharing the stories of gay, lesbian and bisexual people and their desire to stay in church. For over 20 years there’ve been many such stories shared on the old mormonandgay website, on the church’s website, at women’s conference, in the Liahona and New Era magazine, in books sold at Deseret Bookstore. 

It presents this image that there’s a population of queer people in the church that is happily making it work. Honestly, I have loved watching and reading most of those stories, there’s power in how they describe their journey, their struggles and their faith. 

However, most of those stories are no longer available. As the individuals have fallen in love, or for other reasons have stepped away from the church, their story no longer fits the narrative the church wants to tell and their story is removed. 

Having watched this happen for 2 decades, I think it’s clear the church isn’t interested in sharing our stories, it’s interested in using our stories as a way of sharing its message. It leaves a false impression on many members about what the journey is going to be like when their child comes out. They aren’t prepared for the likely path their queer child will take. 

I like what Nathan Kitchen, president of Affirmation, recently said. “The Church should really do a where-are-they-now reunion video with everyone from their past story platforms.” I think that would more clearly illustrate the typical path and choices of queer people in this church. And hopefully, it would help illustrate for the church what it is this population needs that it doesn’t find inside the church.