#morg's awkward personal

[zsphoenix]

I'm rewriting my CV for a position and.... holy shit. I did everything I set out to do. My path is impressive. And it's not arrogance. It's just... even of I never work in the art field again... I'm proud of what I achieved.

.

.

.

In case you're interested in the museum field and collections management specifically, here's the kind of courses I took:

BA in Art

Online Course in Preventive Conservation

Workshop in Art Conservation (Introduction to the field)

Specialisation in Art Conservation

MA in Art History and Conservation

Online Course in Art Handling, Transport and Storage

And So!!! Many!!! Internships!!! To get that experience.

The only thing I would change is to have been paid during my internships. I loved everything.

I'm currently searching for jobs and studying a second degree in Information Technology at the same time.

If I get a job in the museum field, I'll do 2 courses in the next 2 years:

Art Registration

Law and Collections Management (IAL).

If I get a stable job, I also intend to do a PhD, but that's me being an overachiever, for the job I want, there's no need for one.

[flakytartart]

CONVENTION AUTOGRAPHS!! LET'S GO!!!!

Sarah Wiedenheft, my favorite voice actress for Takagi-san?

Check. She was so sweet when signing my photo, I didn't realize her voice was naturally that high! She has such a beautiful signature and personality.

Keith Silverstein, voice of Mondo-fuckin'-Owada (nice to meet ya)?

Check. I also got him to sign my Trigger Happy Havoc group print, along with Asahina's VA as well (more on her later). He was hella friendly and told me that he just got that Mondo print like 3 conventions ago. God bless him and the artist for that because I didn't have any merch for him to sign. 😭 A real dope guy, he even asked before hand if it was okay for him to swear in order to quote Mondo lol!

Now on to my grails...

TOHRU ADACHI!!

Voiced by the wonderful Johnny Yong Bosch! ✨️

I already spoiled this one with an earlier post but I wanna include it anyway! Despite how awkward the quote sounds (I originally told him to write something about helping me get out of a TV but I backpedaled out of embarassment) I'm quite happy with this. I'm unsure if he realizes how many fans are into Adachi? I can't be the only girl to have admitted that to him.

MORGANA!!!

Voiced by the lovely Cassandra Lee Morris!!! ✨️

AHH she was so nice!!! I was so nervous and had a hard time keeping my cool. I told her I adore Morgana and that he's like a baby to me. I got to show her my ita display, got signatures for my Danganronpa print + an Epic 7 Cecilia print for my bf, then gave her some old (but gold) fanart I drew with a letter on the back. She said I was so sweet for that and I just wanted to scream, it was so-!!! 🥹💞

I gave her my Morg to hold while taking pictures- the second pic is of us button mashing his head. 1000/10 absolute dream come true!!!!! ❤️

AND FINALLY. GIVE IT UP FOR MY FAVORITE COPY CAT KILLER:

MITSUO KUBO!!!!

Voiced by the amazing Kyle Hebert!! ✨️

(Shoutout to @cierv-o-robot-o for this absolutely PERFECT commission!! You're my hero!!!!!! 🥹🙏)

Bro when they announced that Kyle Hebert was coming to Kon I literally jumoed out of my chair and started running around the house like a maniac. I was so fucking excited

When it came to the convention I awkwardly got in line, paid for 2 prints (my Mitsuo + a Kazuichi) and a photo and waited. When I went up I told him I loved him as Kazuichi (pretty sure he drew the heart on there because I said I find him handsome) and that his voice sounds wonderful no matter what role he's playing. After that I kind of geeked out on him - I said I was "the fucking biggest Mitsuo Kubo fan ever, I promise you." 😭 I didn't mean to be that intense about it but I was so excited, I just had to let him know that Mitsuo has fans. A couple. At LEAST one (Mitsuo mutuals I'd never forget about you I was just flipping out).

He signed my print and I gave him a little packet that had fanart by me, a note, and 2 of the Mitsuo charms (game + anime versions). He said I was the first person he's ever seen get excited about Mitsuo before. For some reason I felt really proud about that? 🥲💓 I yapped for a little while after about how I also recognized his voice as the creepy stalker in Persona 4 Dancing in the hopes of letting him know that no matter how minor the role, there are fans. We said our thank yous, then I turned around and literally ran to gush about what just happened to my friends who were waiting close by. Which means...

I ALMOST DIDN'T GET THIS PICTURE. I WAS SO EXCITED THAT I RAN AWAY IN EMBARSSSMENT AND FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE. Luckily my friend is a huge Gohan fan and went up to his booth to get an autograph shortly after I was done freaking out. It was only then did I realize that I paid for a picture. x'V I told his assistant that I didn't get a picture, they worked it out, and I shamefully went back up for a pic. 🥹 He was nice about it, I appreciate his patience.

Waaahh it was all so cool, I'm so honored to have been able to talk to all of these incredibly talented voice actors!!! 💞💓💘❤️🥰 I hope to see them again in the future, I'll be sure to be prepared and to come with more gifts. FINAL KAZUICHI FLASHBANG GRAHHHH 💥💥💥

[simonsrosebud]

I can't remember if you've done something like this before but maybe you could write sth about Kalton taking their child to the dentist for the first time

okay so i kinda changed the prompt but i DID stick with the idea of “firsts”, like “first time morgan does this” ya know? this time it’s: morgan vs puberty✨

morgan gets her period in the morning. it’s not a lot, but she notices a bit of blood in her underwear before getting into the shower before school, and panics.

after she showers she sits on the toilet with the lid closed, towel wrapped around her body and her phone in her hand. she opens google.

what to do when you get your period?

she scrolls, but rolls her eyes when the results come up dry. she almost texts in her groupchat with her girl friends, but none of them have gotten theirs yet. they just barely started sixth grade.

she ducks her head.

kevin knocks on the door a while later. “hey we gotta hurry up today, i’ve got to drop you off a little earlier this morning.”

morgan freezes. she can hear elijah run past the door, and a moment later runs into the door. “i gotta go potty, morgie!”

“go in dads room!” she shouts.

“poppa’s in there!”

“just hold it, eli!” she tries to push her emotions down. she doesn’t know what to do.

kevin ushers elijah along to his and kevin’s bathroom anyway, and comes back. “hey, you okay morgs?”

“i’m fine!” she bites at her lip, and then stands. she’s presses herself to the door and hesitates. “wait, dad?”

“yeah?” he calls. is he across the hall?

“can you come here?”

she replaces her towel for her robe and ties it around herself, then cracks the door open a tiny bit. kevin stands on the other side and frowns. she’s nowhere near ready for school. “um... i got my period... and i need like, stuff, for it, or whatever.”

kevin’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline. “oh! um, okay, what do you need me to get? i’ll run to cvs real quick and grab stuff.”

“i-i don’t know! just-“

“i’ll-i’ll text your aunt- do you want- are you in pain? do you need to stay home?”

morgan goes to answer, near tears, but stops when she hears dalton come up to kevin. “what’s going on?” he whispers.

kevin steps to the side. “she got her period,” he whispers back. “i need to call dan or one of your sisters and go buy stuff really quick- why did we not prepare for this? she’s almost a teenager, now.”

dalton smiles, a tad, and rolls his eyes playfully. “it’s fine. take eli to school, i’ll handle her,” he kisses kevin’s forehead and walks to the end of the hall. he crouches down to the bin at the bottom of the hall closet and pulls out two small boxes. then he ducks into morgan’s room and grabs a clean pair of clothes.

kevin backs off when dalton knocks on the bathroom door. “open up a smidge?” morgan opens the door just enough to see half of her fathers face. “clean clothes, pads, tampons.” he unwraps a tampon and holds it upright. “get it up there and push the little plastic part all the way up.” he tries to ignore the mortified look on morgan’s face.

“it’s not as scary as it looks, but you can always use pads instead. or try google or call one of your million aunts,” he says. “i’d recommend allison. you know she won’t be awkward about it.”

morgan purses her lips in a small smile and takes everything from dalton. “thanks,” she mumbles awkwardly.

kevin is standing at the end of the hall. “when did you get a puberty lesson?” he smiles as dalton comes closer. “was i panicking?”

dalton scrunches his nose. “a little bit, yeah.”

elijah tugs on kevin’s hand. “gotta go, daddy.”

kevin picks him up to hold on his hip. “i’ll text you when i get to practice,” he says, and heads down the stairs.

dalton waits downstairs on the couch. he tries paying attention to the assignments he needs to grade, and then the television. after ten minutes he reaches for his phone.

“hello?”

“it’s me, bella.”

“i know. you’re the only one who calls me this early.”

oh. he lies down on his back and throws his legs over the back of the sofa. “are we supposed to be prepared for girls going through puberty?”

“are you talking about morgan?”

he nods to himself, then hums. “she got her period this morning and i was prepared with stuff i’d bought after you joked about puberty, but is there anything else we need to know? i know just about the bare minimum about girls as is.”

bella laughs into the other end. “just make sure she doesn’t turn into a bitch in high school and you’re set. i don’t know, worst i had was bad acne. just take her to the dermatologist if you notice her starting to get breakouts and keep a heating pad around if she gets bad cramps.”

dalton wants to hang his head, he really knows jack shit about tween girls. he sat up straight with a sudden realization. “when do girls go to the gynecologist?” he whispers.

“dude chill out! first time i started going was when i was eighteen. unless she’s got problems you can wait until then.”

“will she let-“

“she will tell you if she’s having a problem. you’re her parents, take a chill pill, and then an edible, my god.”

“hey! i just want to-“ dalton looks up when he hears footsteps down the stairs. “i gotta go.” he hangs up on his sister and nods at his daughter. “you okay?”

she nods. “i’m gonna be late for school.”

dalton makes a face. “you’re fine. do you want to go in or do you want to stay home?”

she scrunches her nose. “i have a test today.”

“if you’re sick he’s gotta let you reschedule.” he expects her to take the offer, but she only makes the same face again. “i’d personally love a no questions asked day off, but it’s up to you. i’m off today, so i’ll be here if you change your mind.”

then, morgan smiles to herself. “i’ll be up in my room with a deadly fever,” she says with finger quotations, and backed into the hallway before running up the stairs.

dalton sends a text to kevin. our girl is tough, but if anyone asks she has a fever.

she’s okay though? stayed home?

stayed home. she seems fine tho, who’s gonna say no to a free day?

women scare me dalton how am i a father to one

oh don’t be dramatic

[ducktales-wco-oo]

Morgana Macawber. That name would forever be burned in the pilot's memory. He's seen the fleeting glances, not particularly the way Drake saw her, but he's definitely taken notice of the way SHE looked at him. Which explains the current insecure feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. "Hey, uh, Drake, you got a minute?" Fingers toy with each other, gaze glancing off to a random spot on the floor. "Just outta curiosity, do you still love me?" ( Meme called for a jelly LP, kay? :'D )

- ✩ { @gamblealife​​ } ✩

✩ { Meme } ✩

{ ☆ } It had been a real flash from the past seeing Morgana... One that had turned Drake into a flustered and bumbling mess. Not from any romantic feelings or intent, but just- more the shock of seeing the woman again. Of hearing a voice that used to make his knees buckle from awe rather than nerves. Seeing glances that would make his heart race and his mouth dry, but now just caused his brow to sweat and a entice desire for the world to open up and swallow him whole. He was being ridiculous. He knows this. There was no reason to be so... awkward.

It’s not as if Morg was carrying any lingering feelings towards him, after all. Thinking anything different would just be flattering himself. While Drake might never pass up a chance to toot his own horn, even HE knows that more often than not- he’s just blowing smoke. Morgana is a tall, shapely, intelligent and literally magical woman... a knock-out like that wouldn’t have trouble getting any person she wanted. When they decided to separate— passions and dreams taking precedence over their relationship —it had been mutual, bittersweet but... necessary.

At least, he likes to think it was.

Regardless, Drake can’t deny the relief that rushed through him when he and Launchpad were finally on their own, a heavy whoosh of a breath escaping him as he rests a hand over his heart. Blinking quizzically, he looks up at LP when he speaks, a soft frown tugging at his beak as he carefully reaches over and takes a larger hand in his own.  ❝  Wha-? Of course I do...  ❞  He states, offering a gentle smile as his other hand moves to hold LP’s. Gazing up at the pilot, cheeks dust with warmth and lavender hues remain riveted on blue,  ❝  I’ll ALWAYS love you, LP. You’re my partner...  ❞  Word is stated with conviction, the word meaning more than either of them could possibly explain. A partner in life, fighting crime, caring for Gos...

Someone who Drake can depend on.

Smile slips into a concerned expression, hands giving LP’s a small squeeze as he inquires,  ❝  Why the sudden question? This... doesn’t have anything to do with running into Morg, does it?  ❞  Swallowing thickly, feathers ruffle and gaze darts to the side as cheeks flood with further warmth, a vibrant pink as he stammers,  ❝  I-I know I was kinda... weird back there, but- but it didn’t mean anything. I was just- It was just- WEIRD y’know, seeing her again and I felt... weird.  ❞  He finishes lamely with a wince, wondering why all the other words in existence seem to have left his vocabulary. Sighing, shoulders droop slightly as he looks up at LP.

 ❝  But that’s my problem. Not your’s... and it has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I promise.  ❞  { ☆ }

[disastrousbarnes]

Not without you (6)

Pairing: (Dad) Steve Rogers x Reader, (past) Bucky x Reader

Warning: swearing(?)

Summary: Ever since Steve lost Angela he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it?  

Authors note: Hi well last time I gave ya’ll a chapter it was may 2019, It’s Januari 2020. But hey, A bitch is back! This chapter includes a lot of talk about Bucky, but don’t worry, it’ll become more Steve x Y/N centered soon. 

FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND HONESTLY WANTED!

Wordcount: 2222

Tag List:

@lunadanvers @dangerdolns @stevieboyharrington @tessvillegas @lanabgil @cecedofficial @lovingrxgers @celebsimagines @pizzamyhearts @leaveittosteverogers @saroo-hawks @ellaprime68 @grace-wheeze @bxxbxy @lovvliies​ @marvelismysafezone​

TAG LIST IS OPEN!! So if you wanna be tagged just message me x

Read Chapter 1 Read Chapter 2 Read Chapter 3 Read Chapter 4 Read Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Old and new friends.

“So, Steve?” Tony’s eyes meet Y/N’s over the dinner table.

Y/N just rolls her eyes, of course Tony had to bring that up. “Not during dinner. Tony, please?” She pleaded. An awkward silence fell over the table. Y/N and Tony used to share everything during dinner, no topic was off the table. Not today though, Y/N didn’t want to talk about Steve, not in front of the kids.

“But-” Tony started, but he was quickly cut off by Pepper.

“Tony, she said no.” Potts and Stark shared a look, after which Tony silently went back to eating.

Y/N mouthed Pepper a ‘thank you’, the strawberry blonde responded with a sweet smile.

“So Alex, I read you became the captain of the football team?”  Stark Industries is Jacob High, the high school the triplets attend, biggest sponsor. Pepper, being the CEO of Stark Industries, likes to keep up with projects the company invests in.  So naturally she knows all about Alex being the youngest captain of Jacob highs football team ever.

Alex face immediately lights up. “Yeah, I guess the guys felt I was good enough of a leader to, well, lead them.” After his father’s death, the teen had really thrown himself into sports, something that was clearly reflected by his muscled physic.

Pepper gave him an encouraging nod, “The article did speak very highly of your capabilities to get the team together.”

“Teambuilding is the most important part of it all,” Alex agreed, “Thankfully Y/N allows me to get the guys together at our place. So each Friday we get together, cook dinner and just talk, play games, watch a movie. You know just something to make sure we’re all in sync.”

Y/N can’t help but feel happy to see Alex talk so passionately about his role as team captain. She still remembers the silence that had fallen over the boy the first few months after Bucky’s death.

All three of teen boys had taken their dads unexpected death really hard. Which was of course to be expected, but out of all of them Alex had taken it the hardest. He and Bucky had always been the closest. It also took him the longest to not treat Y/N like an outsider when she first started dating Bucky. Bucky had told her that this was because Alex didn’t want to get attached to anyone and then have them leave again. That when their mother left when they were very young really hurt and confused him.

“Y/N?” The feeling of a hand resting on her shoulder startled Y/N, causing her to quickly turn around to face Caleb. “Are you okay? Mister Stark has been talking to you for 5 minutes now.”

Y/N frowns, how could she have zoned out like this?  “Oh.” Is all she says, not sure if she should make an excuse or not.

Tony just laughs, “What do you say, we go to my office have a drink, bet those boys have their license by now, so they can drive back and I know for sure Miss Potts and Morgs wouldn’t mind spending some time with Anna. I have kept her to myself all day, after all.” He winks.  

Y/N is a little hesitant, but agrees. Tony used to be one of her closest friends and she can’t just continue to block everyone that reminds her of Bucky out of her life, everyone except for Sam that is.

 Not much later the pair stood in Tony’s office.

“Last time we were here you were pregnant.” Tony chuckles. Y/n had been about 6 month along back then. Her belly had already been huge, he even remembers she was wearing Bucky’s favorite maroon sweater. He only remembered that because Bucky complained that he actually wanted to wear it, about 24 times during dinner.  

“And my husband was still alive.” Y/N had meant it as a joke, but the look on Tony’s face clearly showed that that didn’t get across. “I- It was a joke T.”

Tony lets out a sigh of relieve. “Oh.” A small smile plays on his lips. “I was afraid you’d yell at me again.”

When Bucky died Tony had insisted to personally tell Y/N of Bucky’s passing. Something  she didn’t exactly take lightly. In the rush of emotions she had blamed Tony for all of it. She had told him it was his fault for getting Bucky to help him with the program in the first place and that he should have never have let him go to Afghanistan.

Though truly she knew Bucky was the one that came to Tony with the idea in the first place. Stark Industries had stopped manufacturing weapons years ago, but Bucky convinced Tony to get back into it. To help him make safe weapons that would cause as little destruction as possible.  That wouldn´t kill so many innocent people. He wanted to create a way to end wars as quick and peaceful as possible.

And hearing that that had been the thing to kill her husband had broken the -then pregnant- woman. When the shock had settled she of course apologized to Tony for her accusations, but to say that had put a rift in their friendship would be an understatement.

“Never.” Y/N said, sitting down in the big red office chair. “I still don’t understand why you need an office.”

“Yeah yeah I know. I am always down in the lab, but having an office is nice for-“

“Drinking.” Y/N finished the sentence, a bottle of jack had already found it’s way into her hand. “That’s the only thing we have ever done here.”

Sam, Bucky, Pepper, Tony, Bruce, Rhodey, Clint and her used to have dinner together every Friday night, to end the workweek right. After which they would get drunk and dance in this very office. The triplets would watch Morgan upstairs, which was an easy way to make some money. So they never complained about it.

“Does the rest still work for you?” She hadn’t really been in touch with anyone since the incident.

Tony nods, “Rhodey is still our main connection with the military. Clint is running the weapon testing department right now. Bruce and I have been working on some really interesting tech, it would make the weapons non killing, just rendering our opponents unconscious for about 12 hours max. Buck had been pressing me about that  for so long, we just weren’t able to crack the code. Of course something like this already on the market, but the danger with that stuff is that 1 it is always bad for the environment  and 2 you never know what the cognitive damage is with that stuff. Which is dangerous cause most of the time you aren’t just taking out the bad guy, but also the innocent bystanders.”

Y/N enjoyed seeing Tony ramble on so passionately about the new ‘weapon’ he and Bruce are making. It reminds her of sitting on the couch at home, just watching Bucky walk around the room, talking about all he wanted to achieve with S.T.W.P. He had been so enthusiastic, so willing to do everything to create a brighter future. One of peace.  

“But enough about weapons and work, what about that Steve dude? He’s a friend of Buck’s you said?” Tony had a way of smoothly swaying into topics Y/N didn’t exactly want to talk about.

“Used to be.” Y/N felt her body tens up at just the mention of Steve’s name. Something about the fondness and respect Bucky still had when he used to talk about him didn’t match up with the Steve Y/N had met. “Left New York and never contacted James again.”

“James?” Tony cocked an eyebrow, Y/N had never called Bucky James, not in public at least.

“Shut up.” She felt her face get hot, “It just flopped out. I only call him James when no one else is around.”

“Cause he didn’t mind it when you said it?”

“He didn’t.”

Tony smiles, putting a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “Of course he didn’t he loved every word you spoke.”

“It’s still weird when people talk about him in past tense.”

“It really is.” The man agrees. “It’s also weird that Steve and Bucky lived in the same town and never saw each other.”

“It is isn’t it?” Y/N had never even thought about that, honestly she hadn’t given Steve much thought outside of him being Luke’s dad and the man who left Bucky behind.

The rest of their night is spend making up weird theories of how Steve and Bucky ended up in the same town. That and getting very drunk.

//

“Steve?” Sam found himself standing in the doorway of what appeared to be Steve’s bedroom. He decided to check in when after half an hour Steve still hadn’t gotten back from getting a sweater.

Steve was sitting in front of the bed, holding a fluffy black sweater close to chest. He looked up at Sam but didn’t respond. Not that he needed to, the lost look in his eyes spoke volumes. He was hurting, really hurting..

Without speaking another word Sam sat down next to Steve.

“It’s hard isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Everything around you continuously reminds you of her. The kids, the house, all her stuff. Everything.”

“Yeah.” Steve frowns, looking at the piece of clothing in his hands.

“You don’t want to get rid of it because it reminds you of her, but at the same time all the memories are just way too much, aren’t they?”

Finally Steve’s eyes met Sam’s, they were filled with tears. “How did you just put all of my feelings into words?”

“I´ve been trough war and lost the people that mean the most to me. I´m just speaking from personal experience.” Sam’s fierce loyalty and insanely loving heart had only made his life harder, “Plus being a gay black man in the military, well lets say that doesn’t exactly bode well with some of those conservative white boys.” A sad smile adorned his lips.

Steve wrapped his arm around Sam, pulling him close, “Thank you.”

Sam felt confused at the random act of gratitude.

“Thanks for your service, thanks for all you have done and are doing for this country despite of the way you’ve been treated by the people living in it.” Steve had felt a bond with Sam the moment they shared a drink at O’Malley’s, now an immense amount of respect had been added to that. Sam had been trough so much and yet here he was running a countrywide V.A program and if he was right, helping Y/N raise Bucky’s kids.

Now Sam’s eyes were also filled with tears. The only time he had ever been thanked for his service is during award ceremonies, but the words had never felt as sincere as they did this very moment. A soft ‘Thank you’ made his way out of his mouth as he too wrapped an arm around Steve.

“Bucky would laugh so hard if he saw us like this.  Sitting here, snot covered and all mushy emotional. Then he would ask us if we’d like a cup of tea.”

“And he’d never force us to talk about it.” Steve adds.

“Never, but we would tell him anyway. Cause that’s just his effect.”

Steve loves the fact that the way Sam talks about Bucky makes him sound as if he hadn’t changed one bit from the Bucky he grew up with. The take no shit, but it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes, caring best friend.

“Bucky really was something else.” Sam says and releases his arm from Steve’s. “He was a little different after the war though, a little harder. That’s until he met Y/N. Something about her just sometimes a little too honest, completely open personality made it easier for Buck to deal with everything that had happened in his life. He was almost like the young, overworked, hopeful young guy I met during training. Almost.”

“She’s young isn’t she? Like a lot younger than Buck?”  Steve felt a little stupid asking, it wasn’t really his business after all.

“She’s almost 26 yeah.” Sam says with a chuckle. “Buck met her in New York when she was only 20. It was at some small 40’s themed bar she was working at. God the man tried so hard not to fall in love with that girl. He couldn’t help himself though, she just made her way into his heart, I remember right before he asked her out, she was all the idiot could talk about. Plus when you love someone the way Y/N and Bucky loved each other those 14 years feel like nothing.”

14 years, Jesus Buck, that’s a lot. Steve felt weird for even thinking that. He was judging a dead guy, who apparently really loved his wife.

“That’s uhm..” Steve wasn’t sure what to say. “She seems lovely.”

Sam lets out a loud roaring laugh, “She’s a fucking pain in the ass.” The comment might sound harsh, but his voice is filled with adoration and love.

“Isn’t that what you said about Bucky the first time we met?”

“I mean they both are, but I am decently sure I just called him an idiot fuck face.”

That night Bucky Barnes’  youth best friend and adulthood best friend became friends.  

[dolphin-enthusiast]

why hello again my sweet morgy~!! 💞🌠🍭 what a lovely evening to wind down with some writing and a glass of wine! hopefully you are doing alright!! well, of course school is going to make our days a little worse for now, but fingers crossed that i can offer a little brightness to you 😊💞 the second day of virtual school was extremely boring, i hate having to sit at a computer for hours,, so i ended up daydreaming and playing with fidget toys and eating lollipops hehe (1/8)

"yet again, you prove to be quite the charmer my dear morgane, out here once again with all of your smooth-talking! i swear, you will be the death of me one day, killing me with kindness,, i can only wish to be such a sweet person like you!! until them, i just have to keep pulling my dumb little one liners in hope of possibly flustering you back 😘 (2/8)

and today i made the unfortunate discovery that i have my ex and lots of mean people in my classes,, and so little of my friends! this is gonna be such a hard year i suppose :( sadly all i can do is hope that this year will be better than the last,, after all, as long as i can ignore/avoid them all staring at me and making comments, i'll be okay ❤ (3/8)

i had a hard time focusing in lots of the class video calls due to anxiety, so i doodled some portraits of my teachers!! i needed the practice anyway,, i haven't drawn in a while! i sent them teach the finished sketches and they both gushed with compliments!! it really cheered me up, i'm glad i was able to make people happy with my little doodles! 💖 (4/8)

speaking of drawings, i woke up to more artwork made of me! it's so so flattering, truly!! it shocks me how some of these artists do such amazing drawings for free, they're all so talented!!! ooh, and this reminded me, i should probably tell you all that all of the art, picrews, etc that's made for me and morg is saved in a special little photo album on my phone,, i call it "things people have made for me 💕" (5/8)

i like to go through them on bad days to lift my mood, so when i always say that your efforts mean a lot to me, i'm not lying 💓 but don't fret darling, even though we do deal with a lot of trouble in our daily lives, there'll be a time in the future when we'll get away from our bothersome struggles, no? and i do look forward to that incredibly so,, (6/8)

we have all of these improvised plans building up that i'm sure we can escape from all of the stress for a good while, we just gotta hang on until then!! and i'm always here to offer endless support, love, and wholesome stuff to brighten your day when you need it! one day at a time dear, we'll work our way there 💗💗💗 (7/8̶ 9)

oh, and of course i'll cook pasta for you amore, and fresh pasta at the least!! there's so many things i have to cook for you and others, so prepare for a feast in the future! after all, i only cook for my loved ones~ 🌺 ooh, i must've glazed passed that one ask about iris by the goo goo dolls,, i just wanna throw in that i absolutely love that song and my papa and i sing it all the time!! maybe i'll post a lil singy thing of that song here... 😖 (8/9)

oh dio, it seems the time has flown too fast again,, i wish these moments could last longer!! at least i can come back tomorrow and see you again! so i bid you a goodnight dolcezza, make sure to take care of yourself! as always, i'm thinking of you 💌 - tutto d'amore, waifu xoxo 💋 ps: don't worry amato, everyone is awkward when first learning to dance (even me!), but i'm sure you'll learn fast when i teach you 💘 (9/9)"

Before anything else if yo ex trynna start shit....je suis here👁️ iS thIs gUy bOtHeriN u qUeEn??

But like i felt that on a spiritual level online claases make me absolutely bored and i almost fell asleep so many times in the past also bc my sleep schedule is fucked so unlike the times i'd get up and freshen up a little now it was like me fighting off with my own body 10 min before online class starts asmr dhshdhdhd (i also basically end up playing video games or watching anime when shit really gets boring lmao)

AnYwAYs thats so wholesome?? The fact that ppl keep makin u stuff and u saved it in a folder too🗿 which reminds me...trust me i aint this wholesome or kind really u dont give urself enough credit dear u can b very sly/smooth if u want to so its def not just me here👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

Now i could only ever dream of having such a positive attitude as urself bc my dumbass gets thru life by ignoring and pushing down everything which is hella unhealthy but do we care n o t a t a l l ksshhx if anything im glad u keep maintaining a positive aura urself and i have to agree we have so many plans its unreal.....it just succs that life b kinda wack🤡🔪

On another note it sounds to me like we'll have to not only dance but also sing together....i have a feeling i said this before but s t i l l👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

[daydreamingabouthockey]

Somewhere in Stockholm Chapter 2

Word count:1,775

Masterlist.

Chapter 1

Note: chapter 2 of Somewhere in Stockholm sorry this took awhile. I’m refreshed I took a holiday to Stockholm so I have some new inspiration. Ft Alex Nylander (sorry about the weird formatting I’m trying to fix it atm)

Maggie stood outside a yellow painted apartment block on a deserted quiet street. She stared at the buzzers until she found the one labelled Altelius . A small buzzer sounded, She pushed the door and found herself in a small but grand hallway with a large chandelier and a grand staircase. Damn this was fancy and this was his second home where he only came in the off season?

She hauled her suitcase up the flights of stairs Stopping on the fourth floor and a white doors with the numbers ninety written on it, she knocked on the door and waited. It was opened by a young blonde boy, he had a half asleep expression on his face, wearing only a pair of sweatpants and was mid way through brushing his teeth. “Hi, i’m Maggie?” she said unsure.

“Sorry wrong flat” he said or at least that is what she thought he said before slamming the door in her face.Maggie stood there stunned for a moment unsure what to think apart from she must have been at the wrong place, but Will had definitely text her flat ninety. She knocked again. This time she could hear from inside the flat two boys arguing in Swedish. The door eventually opened again but this time, a different blonde answered the door and Maggie swore her heart skipped a beat. This guy was handsome, tall, Blue eyes a flow of long blonde hair and was naked from the waist up and from what she could see this guy was ripped. Suddenly she understood Morgan’s warning. Oh boy she was in trouble. “Hi I’m Maggie,” She said a little unsure. Her cheeks burning. “Ah Maggie, Mo’s erm friend, hi,I’m Willy ” he said pulling her in for a hug and Maggie had never felt more awkward. Why had he said friend like that? Also she was hugging a topless stranger in a hallway and damn how ripped what this dude? “Come in,” he said grinning, he grabbing her suitcase and pulling it in.“You don’t have to do that, its ok, it’s kind of heavy,” she said trying to pull it off him but in the process losing the tug of war, I mean duh, he was a pro athlete. “It’s okay, hey Alex come say hey,” he yelled out. The younger boy from earlier returned into the hallway still only wearing his sweatpants. What was up with these boys? Was wearing clothes optional or something? If so she was not going to complain. “Eh?” the younger boy Alex asked.“We have a guest young Nylander,”Will said hitting his brother over the head. Alex turned to stare at Maggie “Oh hi, sorry I erm slammed the door in your face,” he said and she got the feeling Alex Nylander didn’t like her very much. “Its okay,” she spluttered still distracted by the two blondes. She could feel her cheeks flushing. “We’ve had a couple of fans turn up to our flat recently, so now we’re a bit wary,hence the name change on the buzzer to Altelius instead of Nylander,”. “Oh wow, people really do that,” “Yeah, I had a grandma chase me down the road last week,” Will joked at least she thought he was. She really couldn’t tell.“So you can take my room it’s just through here,” Will said pointing to the door “Oh,”. “Something wrong?” He asked running his hands through his hair. Something she found very distracting. “I mean I know Morgan said your a bit of a charmer but I think you got me a bit wrong,I can’t share a bed, with you I don’t know you and” Maggie blabbered nervously . He stopped her and laughed “Chill Maggie, I’ll sleep on the sofa, I’m not trying to, wait what did Mo say about me?” He asked with a cheeky grin and a laugh. “Oh nothing,” she said suddenly turning red as a tomato. He gave her the full tour of the place, kitchen, living room, a swish bathroom which was all in true scandivanian style and looked like it had come straight out of an ikea catalogue. He showed her Alex’s room which looked chaotic. Clothes all overspilling from his suitcase and cans of red bull dotted around any available surface, papers haphazardly piled on the desk in the corner.When Maggie was finally led into William’s room she was surprised at the contrast of the two brother’s rooms. She surveyed the room around her, double bed with grey sheets, a bedside cabinet, the room was clean and sparse like no-one really lived in this room apart from a few personal items. A blue maple leafs duffle bag identical to the one, she had seen at Morgan’s place. Beside the bed was a photo of she assumed his family given they all looked identical, blonde hair blue eyed, mum, sisters, Alex and a bald man who he guessed must of been his dad. Apart from that the room didn’t seem very lived in. Maggie flopped down on the bed, picking up her phone to text her family to let them all know she was safe.

To: Mom

From: Maggie

Hey Mom just telling you know, I arrived in Stockholm. I’ll call you in a couple of days love you! M x

Then she quickly typed out a message to Morgan.

To: Mo Bro

From: Maggie

Made it safely to Willy’s of course I’ve embarrassed myself already. Also does erm Willy think clothes are something optional?

Her phone pinged back immediately.

To: Maggie

From: Mo Bro

Oh no what did you do? I forgot to warn you about that, he is very liberal with clothing must be a European thing. He walks around half naked at lot at the rink. You get used to it. X

She was pulled out of her daze by Will wandering into the room, who was thankfully now wearing a t-shirt. “Hey,” he said smiling widely “So i’m not sure if you had anything planned whilst you were here but me and Alex were going to and watch the Eurovision later, if you want to come, there doing this big event in Kungsträdgården Park” Willy asked sitting down on the bed. “Sure I’ve never seen the eurovision before,”

“Your in for a treat then,” he said and she could have sworn he winked at her. Was William Nylander flirting with her? She sat on the bed, she had only just met this guy. She had met a fair few hockey boys growing up and being friends with one and she had sworn off dating hockey players after learning the hard way with Leo Mustang the star player for the Giants in Vancouver. She had met him through Morgan and despite his warning she had dated him anyway something which backfired massively on her later when he brutally dumped her for a hotter skinner blonde girl at a party in front of all of his friends. The only saving grace was that Morgan had been there to pick her up and defend her. Like the true best friend he was. He hadn’t ever once told her I told you so even though she knew he was thinking it. She loved Morgan for that. An hour later Maggie had showered, power nap and was ready to go out on a new adventure. William effortlessly weaved through the winding streets of the buildings were coloured white, yellows and reds. Maggie looked around in joy. There was nothing like this at home. This place was beautiful. “I don’t understand the deal with this Eurovision,” she sighed putting another mouthful of strawberry ice cream in her mouth. They had stopped off at what Alex had described as the best ice cream in Stockholm. “I didn’t either at first when I moved here from Canada, it’s weird, countries singing weird songs and perform in the strangest outfits then everyone gets angry when neighbouring countries vote for each other, for us it’s a night we watch tv and get drunk, it’s just even more hyped up this year because it’s in our city,”

“Ah well it sounds like fun so, Mo said you live out in Sweden during the off season you live here all the time you are here?”

“Some of the time, I spend a lot of time at my parents, this is just mine and Alex’s place,”

“Oh wow it’s so nice,” she said, nodding. In Seattle, she shared a tiny apartment with her best friend Molly and her boyfriend, Brad. She had become excellent at being third wheel to them. She could only dream of owning her own place.“So how did you meet Morgan? I thought a pretty girl like you he’s been showing you off?”

“Oh I live in Seattle but me and Morgs go way back we met at school in Couver,”

“Ah makes sense,” she said blushing.

“What brings you to Sweden apart from you know meeting me?” He asked with a playful grin. She laughed and pushed Willy.

“I’m interrailing around Europe,”

“And Mo didn’t want to come?”

“Nah he’d rather sit on his butt, see Maggie, his dog, play golf and go fishing,”

“Wait he named his dog after you?”

“Yeah well, he refuses to admit it,” she said with a shrug.

“So when he’s talking about Maggie,” he said, his eyes suddenly lighting up like it makes sense. “He was talking about you and not the dog?”

“Yes,” she said bursting out into laughter.

“That makes a lot more sense I wondered why he told me me and Maggie got dressed up and went for dinner,” he shrugged. “Did you have a bath with him?”

“Ew no” Maggie said with a laugh “that one was the dog,that is weird, I would never shower with him,”wrinkling her nose as she laughed.

“You and Morgan aren’t?” He asked his tilting head.

“God no he’s my best friend,”

“Oh okay good, I mean not good cool,” he said blushing and running through his hands through his hair again and awkwardly laughing. The pair went silent for a moment until Alex suddenly said goodbye turning to walk away.

“Where is he going? Are we not..” she trailed pointing to Alex walking up the hill

“Oh Alex is going to meet some of his friends, I said we’d meet back later, but I was thinking you might be hungry?”

It was that moment when Maggie’s stomach had decided to loudly gurgle. “Well I think that settles it and I know just the place,” he said with a wide grin.

[camelot-queen]

At every occasion, I’ll be ready for the funeral

A post-Endgame fic

After the funeral, Peter is introduced to Morgan.

Pepper walks her up to him, she’s holding her hand and the little girl shyly approaches him. She looks like she’s trying to hide behind her mother but Pepper keeps a firm yet gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Morgan, this is Peter,” she says sweetly. “Can you say hi?”

“Hi Peter,” Morgan says, swaying slightly.

Despite everything, Peter smiles. He’s been told that five years have passed, even though it doesn’t feel like it for him. But he’s glad Tony got a chance at a happy ending before it all came crashing down.

Was it worth it?

“Hi Morgan,” Peter crouches down to her level. “It’s nice to meet you.”

And it really is. Mr. Stark’s kid… he had a kid. He got married. Peter’s happy, he really is. But it stings that he missed it all, while he was… he was…

“Daddy told me about you,” Morgan says, unprompted. Peter blinks in surprise.

“Uhhh… he did?”

Morgan nods. “Mmhm, he told me stories about you. Can you really hang from the ceiling?”

“I, uhhhh…” he looks up to Pepper for help, but she just smiles and nods. “Uh, yeah, I can.”

Morgan beams. “Can you teach me how to do that?”

He laughs. Pepper laughs. It’s the first time he’s felt any semblance of joy since…

“Sorry, Morg, I don’t think that’s something that can be taught,” Pepper breaks it to her. “Peter is just lucky.”

But is he lucky? He doesn’t feel lucky.

Morgan pouts, and he keeps smiling but it feels more forced.

��

He feels a little like a spectator, like he’s not allowed to be here. All these people spent the past five years with Tony. They know what he’s been through. They were there for his wedding, for the birth of his daughter. Peter feels like an old acquaintance who has never been there for him and has the gall to show up to his private funeral and call himself a friend.

Everyone keeps telling him he belongs here. They tell him how much he meant to Tony, how much he missed him. Pepper tells him that he’s the reason Tony kept fighting. It doesn’t make him feel better though, it only makes a pit form in his stomach.

Do they blame him?

He’s surprised when he sees a boy around his age at the funeral. He doesn’t recognize him—he’s tall, blonde, and no one else seems to be surprised to see him there. He generally keeps his distance, not too interested in socializing, until Pepper grabs him by the hand and pulls him over.

“Peter, I’d like you to meet Harley,” she says, dragging him closer. “Tony met him a long time ago and he always made sure to check in on him from time to time. I’m sure he would have loved you two to meet.”

Peter can’t quite contain the shock on his face. There was another kid he was mentoring? Or, no… just keeping in touch with. How had they met exactly? Why did Tony never tell him? Peter tries not to let the jealousy brew. It doesn’t matter now.

“Hey,” Harley says cooly, hands in his pockets and slouched, looking out-of-place in a suit.

“Um, hi,” Peter responds, his awkwardness a contrast to Harley’s confidence. “I-I’m Peter. Or… Pepper already told you that…”

Harley smiles, a small smile that Peter can’t read. “So you’re the guy that Tony kept telling me about? The kid genius?”

“Oh, I’m not…” Peter stutters over his words.

“I vanished too,” Harley continues, ignoring Peter’s bumbling. “I come back, and suddenly it’s five years later. My little sister is older than me now… so that’s weird. And Iron Man is dead.”

Peter winces at the bluntness of his words.

“The world has gone to shit,” Harley goes on. “I thought aliens in New York was weird, but this is… a new level. My mom and sister keep crying over me, but last thing I remember is yelling at my sister for going through my stuff. And then I was asked to come to Iron Man’s funeral… I always wanted to meet the rest of the Avengers, but not really like this.”

Peter lowers his eyes. He understands Harley to some extent, he missed the last five years too. But the one person who was around to mourn him is dead. Both his aunt and his best friend were also dusted, and they’re all he has left…

“How did you meet Tony?” Harley asks, and Peter’s head whips up. It’s an innocent question, but a complex lie.

“I, uh, uh…” Peter stumbles, much like he has this whole conversation. “The September Foundation. I applied. He hired me. I’m… I was… an intern.”

Harley narrows his eyes. “Tony worked directly with interns?”

“Special project,” Peter squeaks, trying to remember what he was told to regurgitate when people asked.

“That reminds me,” Pepper pipes up, saving Peter from further questioning. “I have something for you.”

She runs back into the house, leaving Peter and Harley alone for a minute. When she comes back, she’s holding a frame.

“I think he would want you to have this,” she explains, handing it over to him.

Peter takes it questioningly, but when he looks at it, his eyes burn. It’s one of the photos they took when Tony swore up and down that Peter deserved some recognition, despite not really doing much in his “internship” rather than messing around with his web shooters. They had taken a normal photo, which they sent to the papers, and then a “silly” one at Tony’s request. He had no idea Tony had framed it.

Without even realizing it, Peter starts crying. Tears plop onto the glass of the frame and his vision blurs.

“Oh, sweetie,” Pepper rubs his shoulder. “He cared about you so much. He never stopped thinking about you.”

He knows it’s supposed to make him feel better, but it doesn’t. His face burns from crying in from of Pepper and a complete stranger, so he tries to excuse himself. They seem hesitant to let him go, but when Pepper tries to pull him into a hug he flinches away. She backs off and he feels bad, but not bad enough to stay. He retreats and finds himself in the back of the house, where no one else is, and crouches on the ground, curling around the picture. There, he lets himself release the pent up sobs he had been trying to stifle.

It’s already been three days since the battle, and the numbing pain hasn’t subsided at all. It’s only gotten worse, the more it’s sunk in. Tony Stark is dead and he’s not coming back. The world went on for five years without him, and now he’s back and it’s in chaos. He died in Tony’s arms, then he watched Tony die. There are so many things he can’t reconcile with right now, and he’s not sure he ever will.

“You alright, kid?”

Peter jumps so fast that he almost falls over. But he catches himself last minute and stares wide-eyed at his unknown company. Happy is standing there, looking awkward.

“Well, I guess you’re not alright, that’s a dumb question,” he says after a while when Peter doesn’t respond.

“What are you doing here?” Peter says in a rush, embarrassed that he was caught crying.

“Well, I was about to make Morgan a cheeseburger,” Happy explains, looking more and more awkward by the second. “And I figured I should ask you if you wanted one too. But I couldn’t find you, so I was wandering around the house and then I heard crying…”

“Oh,” Peter kind of wishes he could be anywhere but here right now.

“Yeah,” Happy agrees. “But now I feel like you probably don’t want a cheeseburger, and it probably would have been better if I just left you alone.”

“No,” Peter wipes his face as best as he can. “A cheeseburger sounds great, actually.”

He follows Happy back into the house, trying as hard as he can to make it look like he wasn’t just crying his eyes out in the back of the house a moment ago. However, as soon as he enters the kitchen, May is right there and embracing him in a hug.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, baby,” she says soothingly, rubbing his back.

“I’m fine,” he mumbles, even though he’s clearly not.

Morgan sits at the table, kicking her feet, and Happy grills some burgers. Peter goes to sit at the table with Morgan and May goes to talk to Happy.

Peter looks out the window. People are still offering Pepper their condolences. He wants to offer his own, but he’s scared. He looks around. Everywhere in the house has memories of Tony. Pictures of the family he created while Peter was gone, forgotten wrenches and pieces of machinery laying around, projects he’ll never finish.

He tears his eyes away and stares down at the table. He can’t think about it. His heart aches. Suddenly, he feels a hand land on his… he looks up and Morgan is leaning across the table, smiling.

“Don’t be sad,” she says innocently. “It’s okay.”

Peter is stunned. How is this little girl more composed than he is? But then again, he thinks, she has the combined strength of Tony and Pepper… of course she’s doing better. Peter hasn’t even seen Pepper cry since that first time.

“I’m okay,” Peter says automatically, not wanting to be comforted by a child. “How are you feeling?”

“I miss daddy,” Morgan responds, and her lip trembles. “Mama said he saved the universe and now he’s not here anymore. That’s why there’s more people now.”

That’s right. Peter realizes that Morgan was born into a half populated world. She wasn’t even alive during the snap, the aftermath was all she’s ever known.

“Your dad is the best superhero ever,” Peter’s voice cracks. “Just… the best.”

“That’s what he used to say about you.”

That’s all it takes. The dam bursts and Peter is crying again. He laughs at the same time, both overjoyed and devastated. His emotions well and slosh into each other, combining until he doesn’t know how he feels. Morgan looks taken aback.

“No, don’t cry,” she pets his head gently, which just makes him laugh-cry more. “I’m sorry.”

May and Happy are interrupted from their conversation, which seemed to involve a lot of giggling, when Peter embarrassingly lets out some whimpering sounds.

“Sweetie,” May comes over to pull him out of his chair. “Do you want to go to the bathroom for a minute?”

She doesn’t wait for him to respond, just walks him straight down the hall and into the bathroom. She closes the door and locks it. Peter is standing in the middle of the alarmingly large room awkwardly blubbering. May gives him a pitying face and then bunches up some toilet paper.

“Shh,” she soothes, blotting his eyes uselessly, as more tears just well up.

Peter clenches and unclenches his fists over and over again. He’s reminded of when Ben died and he was throwing up in the bathroom, covered in blood, while May rubbed his back. She must have been in such pain too, but she made sure to comfort him first.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” May says softly. “You did nothing wrong. You’re hurt, just let it all out.”

“I don’t know what to do,” he admits brokenly. “What am I gonna do? Why does everyone leave?”

May pushes his head into the crook of her shoulder. He cries openly and she continues to make shushing noises and rock them both.

“It hurts, but you’ll get through this,” she whispers. “Not today, not tomorrow, but someday you’ll feel okay again. He’ll never be forgotten, but his memory won’t hurt so bad. And just know that he died a hero… because of him, we’re here. You’re here. I’m so grateful for that.”

Peter tightens his grip around her waist. They stay like that until they hear a knock at the door.

“Are you guys alright?” he hears Happy���s voice.

May pulls away to open the door. Happy is standing there looking sheepish.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he says. “Cheeseburgers are ready.”

“Thanks, Happy,” May smiles. “We might need a second.”

“Of course,” Happy looks past her to make eye contact with Peter. “Hanging in there, kid?”

Peter knows he looks like a mess. His eyes are red, his hair has become unstyled from running his fingers through it repeatedly, his skin is blotchy. But he nods anyways.

Happy nods. He opens his mouth, then closes it again. “I’ll be in the kitchen,” he finally says, then walks out.

May turns back to Peter. “We can leave now if you want. I think you’ve stayed long enough.”

Peter nods. “Cheeseburgers, then home.”

May smiles. “You got it.”

[zsphoenix]

I made 2 portions of tortellini filled with porcini mushrooms and it's so tasty, idk if I should eat all of it.

[zhenyakatava]

[last goodbye]

hello and welcome to the Most Extra Request Ever™. welcome. pls strap in! this request is for a cohort of people that (mostly) graduated from magnolia high in the class of 2011, and who are all interconnected through recently-deceased sam friar. as it often goes in small towns, kids who spent their whole lives being around each other tend to part ways at graduation and never see each other again. in this group’s case, they have no choice but to come back together for better or worse, and it’s done a great job at pointing out any cracks that still remain from years ago.

if you want to look at the chart above, pink = romantic / green = friendly / red = antagonistic / purple = familial. each character has a p...retty extensive blurb with lots of connections so we can try and ensure connections and interaction, but i think it’s rly important that everyone knows that these were relationships in high school (for the most part) and definitely don’t have to represent current relationships unless specified (like people who dated in high school don’t have to be dating now, people could have gone away even if it doesn’t specify, etc etc). also!! there will obviously be more connections made, i just could only put so much into graphic and writing before it got to be Too Much!

if you’re interested in a spot pls reply to this or message me or send me a lil msg on discord (morg#3278). xoxo bless

G1 - loren friar, 23, kat mcnamara (played by morgan)

G2 - graziella zavala, rafa constentino (played by betty)

G3 - heidi hope, 24, danielle campbell (played by maddie)

G4 - teddy townsend, 24, zoey deutch (played by suki)

B1 - noah foster, 24, quenten a (played by nicole)

B2 - first last, age, charlie rowe (played by liv)

B3 - micah friar, 24, carter jenkins (played by nick)

B4 - first last, age, face (played by emily)

samson friar (deceased): brilliant but lazy

sam grew up as the kid who acted out, who threw fits in class and got into fights on the playground. not many people really knew how hard sam had it, with strict evangelical parents who took all their frustrations out on him. at the end of the day, after using most of his time and energy being the protective big brother for twin boy 3 and little sister girl 1, he didn’t have much left for school. even though he’d always been smart, brimming with potential, he fought forces both external and internal - including only later-diagnosed borderline personality disorder - on his short-lived path to success. as he got older, the bad boy persona he’d acquired by acting out stuck hard and he rolled with it. he had his siblings and best friends since childhood, boy 4 and girl 3, to fall back on. their ragtag bunch got a pretty gnarly name for themselves, skipping class to smoke and throwing parties in abandoned houses. no one ever expected sam to start dating girl 4, universally known to be an uptight prude bitch. something clicked between them, and even though girl 3’s longstanding crush stood in the way of their relationship, it flourished regardless. for a while, she influenced him for the better. he shaped up, got his grades up, even made plans for college. that phase of their relationship was clearly a manic one, since those dreams died quickly. the romance was intensely passionate but also toxic, and despite the animosity she held for him for convincing her to stay local for school to be together and the personal struggles he faced, they refused to break up. in fact, they even decided to get married. about six months before his death, on the heels of the discovery that girl 4 had fallen pregnant, they got engaged. despite the romantic gesture, it couldn’t save their relationship or stop fate from intervening. when girl 4 miscarried, sam went off the rails. a minor drug habit that was once recreational became much more, and not long ago he ended up overdosing, leaving the carnage of family, friends, and lovers behind.

girl 1 (22-24): baby bookworm

sam and boy 3’s little sister, girl 1 was always tagging along with them. she never really fit in with people her age, never really fit in with people her brothers’ ages, so she was often left feeling isolated from everyone. this meant she often retreated into herself, not pursuing academics because of passion but instead because it was all she really had, one constant she could point to that would always be there. she hadn’t realized that perhaps some of the turmoil she felt came from her repressed sexuality until one night, after a party her brothers had begrudgingly let her go to, girl 2 kissed her. she’d never felt a crush like that before and never thought it would be with another girl. when boy 1 moved to magnolia, the two outcasts got along very quickly, becoming best friends and hanging out every single day. understandably, girl 1 was crushed when she found out that girl 2 had taken a liking to him and, apparently, the feelings were reciprocated. caught between her friendship and the protection of an almost-relationship she couldn’t even admit to, she decided to cut off the friendship with boy 1. just before her brother’s death, she finally gave in to boy 4, her brother’s best friend’s long-standing crush, and it’s not that she doesn’t like him, or that she doesn’t like boys, but that she still sees girl 2 at the grocery store and wonders whether it meant as much to girl 2 as it did to her. there’s also the strange fact that, when she looks at boy 4, she gets subtle reminders of her brother that make his loss easier, and isn’t it close enough to love that they’ve gotten each other through this?

girl 2 (24-25): prom queen

never the smartest in the bunch, girl 2 had to rely on street smarts, common sense and good looks to get along. clever in her own way, she was always particularly attuned to people - how to make them tick, how to get what she wanted, how to make connections like no other. maybe that’s why she was always flitting from guy to guy - though girl 1 would certainly say otherwise. she went from one bad relationship to another in high school, trying to find something in a guy that she couldn’t find on her own. after an ugly breakup with her long-term boyfriend, boy 2, that ended in absolute chaos, she was surprised to find herself interested in the unassuming new boy, boy 1. her friends, including part-time friend and part-time enemy girl 4, were surprised that she’d go for a nice guy - but she knew she needed a change of pace. getting girl 1 to leave her alone in the process was just an added perk - i mean, she was never gay or anything, just curious, and was that so wrong?

suggested faces: nicola peltz, cierra ramirez, camila mendes, madelaine petsch, taylor hill, halston sage, sofia carson, natalie alen lind, virginia gardner

girl 3 (24-25): bad genes

girl 3 was hardly given a fighting chance by the Powers That Be. her drug-addicted parents abandoned her early, leaving her with her not-much-better relatives, a revolving door of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and the like. it was no wonder she started hanging out with fellow garbage kids, boy 4 and sam. it was a surprise to her, though, that she found herself head over heels in love with sam. the feeling was never returned, really, outside of a few awkward kisses or fondling when he was off with girl 4. everyone was always asking why she didn’t just date boy 3, but the girl was perpetually oblivious to his advances because she was always focused intently on sam. at least she thought she was - but his death proved otherwise. she had actually thought things were looking up, and had been given renewed hope for her repressed love after they slept together one night. when he overdosed despite everything she’d done and everything she felt, girl 3 blamed herself more than anyone. the only thing keeping her from going off the rails (just like her one-time true love) is boy 3, and she’s starting to see what everyone was always talking about when they insisted she choose him instead.

girl 4 (24-25): academic alpha bitch

how do you not crack under the pressure when the weight of the world is on your shoulders? girl 4 was always so good at that, not without the help of anti-anxiety meds and meticulous journaling, always keeping up appearances to be the good, smart, promising girl everyone expected her to be. sam was her break from that, something that shocked absolutely everyone. she was too good, too smart, and had too much potential to be with someone like that. really, though, he was the only thing that made her feel anything but anxiety or anger. she made enemies everywhere she went, seeing everyone as a competitor, from her so-called best friend girl 2 to sam’s best friend girl 3 to her class president opponent, boy 2. sam was always her ally, no matter what, even if they fought. everyone blamed it on him, but she made mistakes too - namely, sleeping with boy 2 after a particularly bad fight. in truth, she wasn’t even sure whose baby it was, but either way she was relieved in a way when she miscarried. sam… not so much. she watched his downward spiral but didn’t have the tools to stop it as he froze her out and distanced himself further and further away from her - and, as she saw it, toward girl 3. girl 4 was the one to find him, and it’s a memory she could never forget, something that makes her regret the relief she felt not to be inextricably linked to him. grief-stricken as she is, how can she not see this as a fresh start?

suggested faces: willa fitzgerald, haley lu richardson, naomi scott, jessica sula, saoirse ronan, olivia cooke, zoey deutch, alycia debnam carey, camila mendes, halston sage, daisy ridley, logan browning

boy 1 (23-24): foreign exchange student

texas was nothing like where boy 1 came from. when he transferred to magnolia high, he didn’t know up from down or this from that. he was helpless - and girl 1 helped him. he developed a crush on her quickly, warming to her southern drawl and the way she talked when she got excited about something she was telling him about. at the same time, he started getting closer and closer to his mentor, the girl who was assigned to help him get acclimated to his new home and his new school: girl 2. it was strange to him that, when he became friends with girl 2, girl 1 stopped sitting next to him in economics, stopped eating with him at lunch, stopped answering his texts or calls. he didn’t see the correlation until later, when girl 2 made tasteless a joke about girl 1 being a lesbian. he had to adapt, either sink or swim in the high school environment he found himself in, and being with girl 2 meant swimming - and anyway, girl 1 clearly wasn’t interested anyway. 

suggested faces: timothee chalamet, tom holland, john boyega, noah centineo, xavier serrano, avan jogia, keiynan lonsdale, nick robinson, tye sheridan

boy 2 (24-25): big man on campus

boy 2 had everything he needed to succeed in life. his family had money in oil, he was exceedingly smart, he was good at sports and great with the ladies. he had everything going for him - well, almost everything. the only thing standing between him and success was a little temper that found him getting into fights on the football field or getting into screaming matches with his ex-girlfriend girl 2 in the middle of the hallway at school. he just needed something to channel all that energy into, so he signed up to run for class president, a good old fashioned competition that he could put some positive energy into. he never expected it to be such a tough battle, and much less expected to get into it with girl 4. perpetual rivals in school, their rivalry came to a head during the presidential election. she won, but he developed a fascination with her and a hatred for her garbage boyfriend, sam. he went off for college, but she never really left his mind. he came back recently after losing his job (he says he resigned, but that’s twisted the whole truth a little) and met girl 4 in a bar, and he thought their getting together would be a good thing for them - he could give her everything sam couldn’t, everything she needed and deserved. turns out he was just a distraction, and he told himself he’d draw a line. the line has been drawn even further since sam’s death, since boy 2 definitely doesn’t want to get involved with a dead guy’s fiancee. still, he can’t help but wish she’d reach out…

suggested faces: keith powers, dacre montgomery, ansel elgort, jacob elordi, matt noszka, carter jenkins, thomas doherty, gregg sulkin, logan shroyer

boy 3 (24-25): the unassuming one

boy 3 always felt positively boring, not good or bad but somewhere plainly in the middle. his twin brother sam was always getting the attention - mostly negative, but boy 3 quickly became a firm believer in life that all attention is good attention. he was always grateful for the protection he got, for himself and for little sister girl 1, but at the same time was resentful of his brother for his notoriety. they shared everything, like best friend boy 4, and everything else went automatically to sam. sam never respected what he wanted to do or who he wanted to see, including girl 3. sam always knew that he liked her, and yet sam used her crush on him to his advantage at any possible time. as close as they always had been, the resentment was too much for boy 3 to handle and, when he got the chance, he decided to go off and backpack across europe to find himself before going to college across the country. he’s back now for the funeral, and while he know better who he is now, he can’t help but hate himself a little for driving a wedge between himself and his other half. he’s falling into old habits now, trying to reconnect with the person he used to be in any way he can - like how he’s fallen back in with girl 3. now, he can’t tell whether this is growth, or if he’s just regressing back to his lesser self.

suggested faces: logan lerman, joe keery, nat wolff, cole sprouse, carter jenkins

boy 4 (24-25): class clown

no one ever took boy 4 seriously. he was always sort of dumb, this caricature of a class clown that had nothing else to offer. after a while, he sort of saw himself as that, too. he moved in a pack with boy 3 and sam, cracking jokes whenever he could and coasting along until high school would finally end. he spent so much of his young life hanging out with the twins that he became well acquainted with girl 1, their little sister. the boys had their own things, girlfriends and schoolwork and everything, and as they got older and boy 4 found himself devoid of any real passion, he spent a lot of idle time with her, learning from her and maybe, secretly, falling in love with her. he always knew how protective sam was of her, though, and as fiercely loyal as he was, he would never sacrifice their friendship for anyone - not even someone as amazing as her. sam dying was the worst pain he’s ever felt in his life, and if being around girl 1 is mutually beneficial, wouldn’t sam be okay with that? he has to tell himself yes, otherwise the guilt would overtake him and he can’t deal with that on top of everything. 

[olivias-cardigan]

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY MORG

so i just want to wish my internet bff a very happy birthday. morg, honestly you have been such a huge blessing in my life. you were so friendly from the start and we skipped the awkward phase and just went to being best friends. you are such a light wherever you go and can always make people smile. you make me laugh, even when life feels like it sucks and you always help me find the positive :) you listen to my rants, my problems, when i talk about my day, my crush anything and you are just, wow. nothing short of an incredible friend and strong person. i hope your day was as amazing as you are, you got the love you deserve, your slutty brownies were delicious, and congratulations on winning your game!!! @fiestatozier

[shoukokus]

your writing introduced me to Houseki no Kuni and I'm absolutely hooked! I haven't been this in love with a bunch of rocks since Steven Universe. So, can I have some headcanons about Cinnabar, Morg, and Red Beryl with a crush?

Sure ^^

Cinnabar

Cinnabar becomes the most awkward person in the world around their crush

Gets embarrassed around them really easily

Thinks they have like zero chance, so doesn’t really pursue it

Cinnabar would never ever want to hurt their crush with their curse, so they keep their crush at a distant

How Cinnabar feels is probably admiration and affection, they have very strong and specific feelings for their crush

Morganite

Very outgoing with their crush, wants to know everything about them

Morganite will get pretty protective of their crush, they don’t really want them patrolling

Will take extra time to practice combat with their crush

Checks on their crush before and after patrols

Very casually and not so subtly tries to be with their crush during certain times, like playing cards and going for check ups

Red Beryl

Really enjoys being around their crush

Loves having their crush model new outfits for them, it gives them a chance to spend time with them and making outfit adjustments

Likes designing other things for their crush, like accessories 

Will make their crush lots of little gifts, like hair bands, gloves, and pins

Red Beryl already thinks their crush is super cute, but seeing them wear what Red Beryl made makes them gush

[cxncxrcrxw]

ey is the personal imagine req still up?? i hope it's still up :" if it's still up, my name's Immanuel, my friends call me Imani, and my close friends (+ parents) call me Morgen/Morg bc I was born in the morning (p obv lol). I have black short but fluffy hair, dark brown eyes, I'm currently about 5'6, and I'm kinda pale. I like know new people but I'm super awkward irl, and I'm super outgoing when i'm around my bestfriends! I'm into Joji af btw. thank you!!

Title: If You Only Knew

For Joji, things had always been different when it came to you. 

Sure, he’d make gay bants with his other friends, like Ian and Max, but with you, they was always some sort of sincerity in his jokes. He’d find himself thinking about your eyes, no matter how similar a color to his he found them magical. He’d catch himself fantasizing about living up to the laughs he put into the camera’s view, he thought about how they would escalate, dreaming of being intertwined with you, to call your scent familiar. 

He wished every day for another night like the night like the night you all filmed Deadly Twister 2. 

You were pretty much a shoe-in for dressing up as Marshall Lee, and costumes were itchy and uncomfortable, so you were definitely not having that.So you played it simple with ripped jeans, a flannel, and fake fangs. Although the costumes were obviously supposed to be a gag, you just looked adorable. You knew this, Joji damn well knew it. 

Scattered across the mangled twister pad, swallowing down drinks like it wouldn’t be legal tomorrow, this already bad decision was being sprinkled with more, and the influence of a l o t  of alcohol was not helping your brains. Joji and you had ended up in a.. well.. twist, with his leg across yours and his left hand, holding him in a hover over your body. When he realized exactly how close the two of you were in of a predicament, he chuckled, nervously kidding when he said. 

“Well this is..” When he finally thought of something funny, he snorted before evening spitting out the joke. “Isn’t this.. Immanu-swell?” He bursted into laughter, along with the others. You were only slightly amused. Even you could notice a change in the tone of his voice, however. It wasn’t exactly in tune with the ‘Filthy Frank’ persona. The next time Chad spun for George, he knew he was fucked. Left hand blue. 

His left hand being the only thing keeping him up, and not being able to think of an alternate route, he moved his hand and slammed into you with a grunt, the shocked expression on your face caused him to pause, that nervous laugh returning. You giggled, a blush appearing on your face when you heard ‘jake’ yell out; “NOW KISS.” 

“He won’t do it, pussy.” Ian, or ‘finn’ remarked. 

Joji wanted to prove them wrong, after all, if it didn’t go well, he could blame it on being drunk or the camera. Leaning his head up from your shoulder and propping himself up with both arms, knowing he was probably crushing you, he wanted to try and make this quick, a pop kiss, but he couldn’t do it. 

“BET.” he said to the boys, before looking back at you, taking off his sunglasses, and raising his eyebrows as if to ask for permission. 

With a small smile, you only raised your eyebrows back. Joji leaned his forehead against yours, the attempt at being fast at this faded, gently he pressed his lips to yours, the taste of the two of you’s intoxication combining, as sloppily he bared his lips to yours. With the hand not covered in salt he cupped your face, getting completely lost in the moment and the soft feeling of your lips.

 He was snapped back into reality by the sound of Max nearly shrieking, to which he pulled away and stood up, landing you a wink before returning his glasses to his face. “Well well, boys. We have a game to play.” He said, bringing Frank back into the video. 

The two of you didn’t actually speak about what happened that night, you pretty much fell asleep afterwards. In the beginning, Joji had began to think that you didn’t remember it, as if you were too drunk to recall, nervously theorizing that it was the worst kiss you’d ever had, that you were repulsed by him. Au Contraire.  

George was sunk into his chair thinking about that night, oblivious to his surroundings. For fuck’s sake, his hair could of been on fire and wouldn’t of known it. The overwhelming, unsaid feelings were killing him, eating at his thoughts. He knew he wouldn’t rest tonight if he didn’t know. 

That was it. He was gonna find out.

 Opening the messaging app on his phone, he scroll quickly over to contact and pressed impatiently at the ‘compose’ option. Now he was faced with the task of figuring out what the hell he would say. “Hey, Immanuel? I have a question..” He wrote, pressing send without giving much thought. 

When your cellphone buzzed, you were surprised to see a text from ‘Joj’, the contents of the text giving you a sinking feeling. Were you falsely accused of something? Did something happen? What if he was texting about the kiss? That kiss.. it had meant everything to you, you didn’t think it meant shit to him. Every night, you feared a text explaining that it was all a joke. The way he kissed you, it couldn’t be a joke, right? 

People can’t find comedy in the way your lips pressed together, the look in his eyes. It couldn’t just be for just humour!

 Reluctantly, you texted back. “What’s up?”

Joji sighed in relief. That wasn’t hostile or annoyed, maybe it was a good time. He had already been typing before you had answered. “Do you remember the night we filmed Deadly Twister 2? Well, I just wanted to say that I actually really enjoyed that part where we kissed and I-” There was a gap in the text where he had decided finally what he wanted to say. “fuck, not even just that night.. I really fucking enjoy being around you and shit, idk what it is but I just wanted to know if you.. wanted to meet up for a drink or some shit.. just me and you?” He sent it, feeling his heartbeat skipping, sinking with the fear of rejection. 

When you finally read the text, ten minutes after you had actually got it, you felt dizzy. Blood rushed to the top of your head, as your eyes fixated on the words on the screen. How did would you reply? How could you? You didn’t want to sound desperate, or anxious, but you didn’t want to appear uninterested. Running your free hand through your short, black tufts, you texted back a simple;

“I’d love too, Joji. 💞💞”

The two of you made arrangements for the next day, you have dinner somewhere, have, what Joji was referring it to in his head as, ‘an official date’. You saw it as the beginning of something beautiful. He saw it as the continuation of something already great. 

I hope this fits everything you could of wanted. You seem like an awesome person. Thanks for everything! -Lans //

[sassywren]

Reasons why I ship Athos x Ninon and not Athos x Sylvie

You see, I found this post about Saxa, Sibyl and Gannicus, from Spartacus War of Damned: http://gibbonsarenotmonkeys.tumblr.com/post/46171470416/reasons-why-i-ship-gannicusxsaxa-instead-of

And I thought that it whas perfectly suitable for Ninon, Sylvie and Athos. So, I'm just playing with MJ's post, and will change a couple of words to adjust to The Musketeers fandom (Her stuff, my stuff). It's HER work, not mine, no copyright transgresion intended (MJ, love your blog!). By the way, the gif are not mine, either. They belong to their creators, and you can find all the originals post as I reblogged all of them :3

It’s not that I dislike Sylvie. She’s a fine girl. I just think Athos and Ninon would have made a better match, s'all.

1) Everytime Athos looks at Ninon he smiles. When he’s kissing her, fucking her, whatever, he looks so damn happy. Well, it's not that he is smileing all the time -or that they get to bed!- but he does smile to her (twice!) which it quite unusual. Have you noticed how little does Athos genuinely smiles in the series?

2) In contrast, whenever he looks at Sylvie he looks guilty. Like he’s touching something that he’s not supposed to, like he’s doing something dirty and wrong because she’s too ‘pure and innocent’ for a man like him. It took forever for Sylvie to convince him otherwise, and I don’t feel like that made their sex scene more 'special’ just more awkward. (That's SO true. Bondage? Please...)

3) Athos would not have had to change to be with Ninon ("To hell with the law"?? PLEASE!!) He likes having sex with multiple women is not the marrying kind, so is she not; he didn’t have to worry about drinking her under the table. It worked out perfectly. Ninon is already a grown up, so Athos never had to worry about acting like the 'responsible adult’ to protect her. Actually, Sylvie is like the little girl that says "I can take care of myself!" while not being able to lace her shoes. But very proudly independet she is. Ninon is all like: I don't need a man in my life, never have, never will; but I would spend the rest of my life arguing with you"

4) Nino loves Athos for who he is, not because he protected or can protect her. Ninon can protect her own damn self and doesn’t need a man for that. She fell in love with him, she’s not infatuated with him. Nothing more to say here.

5) The chemistry. Athos and Ninon just exude sex when they’re together. Even Aramis was shocked when they saw Count and Countess de la Sass together.

6) I get a total sibling vibe off Athos and Sylvie, because of the way he’s always protecting her and the way she looks up to him, so needless to say, their sex scene made me extremely uncomfortable. Well, I would say that (and this is only my view) Sylvie only started flirting with Athos so the musketeers were on the refugee's side, to make him have a reason to take part and confront the red guards.

7) The PAIN on Athos' face when they kiss for the last time. Because he knows he will never see her again. That. Pain. Pains. Me. And how Ninon caresses her face just to confort him.

8) Did you notice Athos' pupils when they were walking from the morge to Nino's house? They are super dilated, like he just had some cocain or something. You know? Pupils dilate when you see the person you are in love with ;)

And well, that was all, folks! Just don't hate me because I dislike the Sylvathos thing and stuff. It's just that Athinon is so perfect to me that I just can't help it.

[morganmulchi-blog]

And they overcame him [the enemy] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony… (Revelation 12:11 NIV)

[ OVERCOME :: verb – succeed in dealing with (a problem or difficulty) ; defeat (an opponent) ; prevail ]

We can sit on our battle wounds, sit on our scars.  We can hide them.  We can push them under our coats of performance or perfection or “normalcy”. We can keep their stories quiet.

Or we can expose them, risk sharing them. We can share our scars’ stories and open them up to the oxygen outside their hiding places so they can breathe and heal, really heal.  We can tell the stories of our battle scars so others can hear them and so others can gain strength from them. We can tell the stories of our battle scars to celebrate the songs that they sing.

May we tell the stories of our scars to celebrate the songs they sing.

Songs of victory.

A Victory Song

It was 6th grade Health class.  We were watching a movie on suicide and suicide prevention, and my innocent ears couldn’t tune out the deep voice of the narrator as he shared stories and statistics on the topic.  I was sitting in the back of the classroom at my desk, scared to watch the video yet as a student, unable to leave the room for more than a quick bathroom break. The film was being so detailed about kids who were suicidal and what their tendencies were, what their thoughts were and how they acted. I was scared hearing these things.  It was a terrifying topic for my 11 year old mind to try and comprehend, and that was before the moment itself actually came.

But let’s not start there.

Let’s start from the beginning.

I was born during the time of boy bands and Furbies – an early nineties baby born into a family with two amazing parents, a beautiful older sister, and a little pink house in a small Charlotte neighborhood.

If you lived in that little pink house (which yes, in fact was pink), you believed in Jesus, said your prayers before bed and understood the household standard of southern hospitality and good ole’ love and respect. I grew up going to church and was baptized around the age of eight, fully aware of the decision I was making and fully aware of my God who created and loved me.  God was always there.

When I was still in elementary school my family picked everything up and moved from our cute Mellencamp house in Charlotte to a nicer home in Harrisburg, North Carolina, but my parents made sure we packed our great memories with us along with our deep faith.  Looking back, I am so thankful to have grown up personally knowing God like I did. There’s nothing sweeter than a childlike faith, and I’m grateful to have been raised in an environment that encouraged my walk with the Lord. I actually attest the foundational joy that I have now, which started as a young child, to knowing God for so long. He was always there.

However, middle school years were particularly tough for me, and I remember always being right on the outside of the ‘cool’ crowd, right on the outside of being…well, in. I thrived on academics and dance, but there was something about those few years of teenage awkwardness that I didn’t quite seem to have down (though who ever really does…it’s middle school!). As if the braces and red-framed glasses didn’t help enough, I remember sitting in the atrium of the school on the outside circle of the group of pretty people and class all-stars. Looking back, that moment served as a metaphor for where I sat in the social hierarchy of my pre-teen years.

And then came that day in 6th grade.

As I said before, we were in Health class and were watching a film on suicide (a topic I personally believe NO young mind should ever be exposed to). I was uncomfortable watching it because it frightened me, but being that it was the end of the day and I was likely not going to share my discomfort with the teacher (#SOuncool), I sat there in the back of the class squirming in my seat, writing “I love you Jesus” over and over on my notebook paper and trying to avoid hearing too much.

A part of the film came where the narrator spoke about the actions a teenage boy took in the days before he ended his life, one of those actions being that he gave away his personal items – things like his wallet. In those moments, in that Health class, I felt a question rise up in my mind – a deceptive and confusing thought that would follow me for many years to come: I’ve given some of my things away before.  I’ve done some of the acts he’s mentioned.  Am I suicidal? Maybe I am.  

At that moment, in that Health class, fear of self-harm and the harming of others entered my heart and mind.  I became overwhelmed by the dread and horror of such acts and equally as horrified that I had actually thought I might want to attempt such things. As you’re reading this correctly, you’ll see that it wasn’t my desire to do any of those awful deeds. I wasn’t suicidal. I wasn’t angry or vengeful. I was a vibrant and joyful young girl with Jesus in my heart and a bright future in my eyes (despite those desperately unfashionable glasses I wore…sigh). However, that simple lie from the enemy had so horrified me in my young age that I couldn’t help but feel confused about my motives and intentions, and because of that, feel dirty and ashamed.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. (1 Peter 5:9 NIV)

The enemy is an awful one, isn’t he?  He doesn’t care about how young or innocent you are but will do anything he can to try and take you, God’s beloved, out of the game. His craftiness goes as far back as the book of Genesis when he confused Eve into thinking she could eat from the Tree of Knowledge. He twisted her perception and convinced her to believe something contrary to God’s truth, and unfortunately, she fell for it.  And so had I.

And surprising as it may sound, I couldn’t shake that fright. For years after that day I struggled with waves of fear, having terrible thoughts of wicked acts like suicide and murder roll through my head like destructive storms : they’d come in, tear the serene landscape of my mind apart, and then roll out, leaving me there to clean up the pieces. The irrationality of it seems crazy though, right? To have a fear of thoughts, a fear of doing something to myself or someone else that I didn’t in fact want to do – it almost sounds silly.  However, the deceptive seed that had been planted in my mind on that 6th grade day had started taking root and was choking out the garden of peace in my mind and spirit.

I questioned how much God could love and forgive me. After all, God had to be disappointed.  How could He love me with all of those terrible thoughts running around in my head? I wasn’t a bad person on the outside, and (because I didn’t WANT to do the bad things in my mind) I didn’t THINK I was a bad person on the inside, but those thoughts and that FEAR that haunted me (that I tried so hard to push away) made me feel that I had to earn God’s love anyway, which we know we can never actually do.  I would have conversations with my dad late at night saying, “Dad what if I think I’m good with God, but when I get to Heaven He says we weren’t on the same page and sends me to hell?” Or, in an attempt to divulge some of this inner turmoil, I would ask him, “Dad what if I have thoughts of bad things but don’t want to DO those things?” And though he made valiant attempts to comfort me with things like, “Morg, it’s not what’s in your head, it’s what’s in your heart,” I could never quite shake that painful confusion.

However, despite those seasons of inner turmoil, my upbringing was filled with beautiful moments of family, friends and JOY, and a common thread wove itself through all of my child, adolescent and teenage years – the thread of Jesus Christ. I look back and see times of sweet peace in my life, of progress and victory despite the waves of internal and external trial, and I know the only way that could have happened was because of God’s covering, His leading, His Spirit in me.  

The same childhood bedroom that saw tears from fear and confusion was the room that my parents let me cover with hand-painted Bible verses and was the same room filled with stuffed animals and sleepovers.  

The car that I’d drive to my dance studio (a refuge where my fear would temporarily subside) was a car often filled with uplifting worship music (sung countless times with an open sunroof and blasting speakers – some things never change).  

I even experienced God’s overwhelming peace for the first time as I prayed one day on my parents’ bed. I had cried out to God for help and received his awesome peace, not yet knowing the scripture Philippians 4:6 which only until months later would I read for the first time.

…by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 NIV)

Despite the enemy’s regular attempts to confuse me and take me out (quite literally), I continued to grow in my faith, walk into my destiny, and experience God’s love and hope in greater and greater ways. God was always there.

And even in my lowest points that came later in life – when I wouldn’t watch any movie or show with a lot of violence, when I cringed at medicine commercials as they mentioned “suicidal thoughts” as a side effect, when at age 18 I wouldn’t go into the kitchen for fear of touching knives and harming myself or others (yes, it’s true) - God was always there.

He was there when I hit my knees on my bedroom floor, close to giving up and praying to what only felt like the ceiling. He was there in the park when I sat at a picnic table trying to figure out what was going on with my life and desperate for answers. He was there the night I sat all alone at my apartment fighting contractions of anxiety with only worship music and His Word. He was there.

And he was also there when I thrived academically through high school and college. He was with me when I went on my (fully-funded) first mission trip to Los Angeles and first heard my call to women’s ministry. He was there when I left college and a 4.0 GPA to complete my second year internship at Freedom House Church.  He was there when I received my prayer language, when I spoke my first message on platform at Freedom House Church and when I came on staff and began this journey into ministry that I am so grateful to be on now.

Through the clearest mountaintops and the foggiest valleys, God has always been there, and because of that Presence, I haven’t limped through life with these challenges but I’ve actually grown and thrived DESPITE them.

And that’s just who God is.  He’s there with us in our lowest moments, in our times of trial, in our successes and in our greatest victories.  He has NEVER left us, and he never will – He’s a faithful, loving God who has a never-ending HOPE for our lives – lives filled with joy and peace in his Presence.

The thief [enemy] comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)

There are a few things I’ve learned from this journey and a few truths I’m still uncovering as I run this race. I hope these few encouraging words speak to you in YOUR personal journey with God.

1.    God is always with us, no matter what the enemy is up to or what life circumstances we face. The Bible says he is an EVERPRESENT help in times of need (Psalm 46:1), and he never leaves us or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6).  The sun may be tucked behind the clouds some days, but we know at all times that it’s still there in the sky; the same is with our Heavenly Father.  Some days we feel his great warmth and some days we have to rely on our faith to know that he’s still with us, but he is.  And he’s still all-loving and all-powerful and is cheering us on as we walk out the calling he has for our lives. He is always there.

2.    As a mentor of mine has said to me for years – Know your Bible. The power in those three words is tremendous.  To face any trial, to nullify any lie, to be able to (I believe) survive and THRIVE as believers in this tough world we have to know God’s Truth.  It’s everything. God’s Word is our sword, it’s our bread, it’s our lifeline, and we need to have it ingrained in our hearts so we can BE encouraged and so we can also ENCOURAGE others in their own lives.  With as much emphasis as I can convey – we must know our Bible. If you have read this far in my story and are financially unable to purchase a Bible, please reach out to me and I will personally get you one.  It’s simply vital.

3.    Our lives are JOURNEYS, and if we are always looking for the destination, it can become quite exhausting when we realize how far off that destination actually is.  As much as I wish I could steer my life’s ship onto the golden shores of an easy, struggle-free life, that’s just not reality in this world.  Reality is that we will face trials of many kinds, and some of those we may wrestle with at varying degrees of difficulty throughout our lives (the enemy doesn’t stop his fighting!).  However, we can rest assured that with Jesus in our boats, we are SAFE, we are STRONG, we have AUTHORITY over the enemy (remember – he is under your feet!), we are LOVED and we are headed in a FIXED, GUIDED direction no matter the storms we face. We are meant to rest and ENJOY the ride because our God is with us, and he is GOOD.

The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1 NIV)

And finally, I’ve been learning throughout this journey the power in our scars and the power in their stories. We’re in a real, spiritual fight on this earth for God’s kingdom and for His people, and that means life’s difficulties will often leave us with battle wounds. However, God’s Word says we overcome by His Son’s blood and by our TESTIMONY, and though for a long time I kept this piece of my story quiet, God’s shown me that it is when I share the stories of my scars (even if I’m still in the midst of the battle), I find the MOST empowerment and am able to encourage others on their journeys too.

When we freely expose our scars to the oxygen outside their hiding places, they heal greatly while helping others to heal as well. When we tell our battle scars’ stories, they have beautiful songs to sing, and those songs need to be heard.

May you find encouragement today to tell the stories of your scars so their songs can be heard.

Because those songs, my sweet friend, sing of victory.

[zsphoenix]

È il mio 11 anniversario su Tumblr 🥳

Been here for 11 years wow.

Seen a lot, learnt so much.

Been traumatised by random wars and survived the Mishapocalypse. NOICE