#moreworksbyalexiskicksbutt

[remakethestars]

ME: I'm a boss-ass bitch. I ain't afraid of shit; shit's afraid of me!

FRIEND'S MOM: Stay outta trouble.

FRIEND: *tells her not to worry because they're with me*

ME: Friend's right. I have a knife, and I ain't afraid to cut a bitch. Fear not.

HORROR MOVIE GIRL: *screaming, literally bleeding out from a stab wound*

ME: Oh, shove a tampon in it; you'll be fine.

BOOK CHARACTER: *fighting for their life*

ME: PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT, YOU DUMBASS!

SPIDER: Howdy --!

ME: *screams, scrambles in the other direction, has to ask my grandma to get rid of it*

ME:

ME:

ME:

ME: Nope. Ain't 'fraid of nothin'.

[iwanttohearyourlaugh]

The World Died Because My Computer Updated

I was just watching The Flash on Netflix when my computer up and decided to update. It's done this once before as well. 

I was gone for five minutes after it started to get a drink and it still hasn't even started updating yet. It just says, "Getting Windows ready don't turn off your computer." Yeah, no periods. 

 What if I hadn't been watching Netflix? What if I'd have been doing something time-sensitive, like saving the world? Guess what, the world would be dead right now because Windows decided to update- WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! 

So, screw Windows 10 and screw McAfee who harassed me with notifications saying that I should restart my computer. It asked me the other day if I could recommend Windows 10 to a friend, would I? No. No, I wouldn't because this is bullcrap. It's my computer. I should decide when it updates. Someone who is not me should not decided when I do or do not update the computer belonging to me. 

It's been updating for a good ten minutes now. The world would be dead- all because McAfee couldn't keep it's d*mn updates in its pants and Windows 10 decided to go ahead and forge their mother's signature on the permission slip.

[remakethestars]

I shit you not I got this as change from the souvenir shop at Bible camp.

[remakethestars]

You have no idea how much I want an epithet. Like, I really do. All these people lived great lives, and they have titles.

Alexander the Great

Barrel-Rider, He That Walks Unseen, Web Cutter (Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit)

Bob the Builder

High King Peter the Magnificent (Peter Pevensie, Narnia)

King Under the Mountain (Thorin Oakenshield, The Hobbit)

Master of Lightning (Nikola Tesla)

The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One (Harry Potter)

What's my title? The Girl Who Never Leaves the House? Ugh.

[remakethestars]

Update 😅

I can't handle the massive number of blogs I had. I'm going back to just this main blog except for the pretty things (@alexisaraindrop), my Christian blog (@illfigureitoutialwaysdo), and my funny/important-stuff blog (@iwanttohearyourlaugh). Sincerest appologies for any inconvenience.

— Al

[remakethestars]

The wind runs its fingers through my hair as I stare into the indefinite distance. I whisper something and allow the wind to sweep my words away and share the secret with whomever it may choose. 

[remakethestars]

My best friend just sent me this song. I downloaded it. It's my new favorite song. Do yourself a favor and never take your best friend for granted.

[remakethestars]

Most of the time what I say to people doesn't mean anything. I'm trying to figure out how I feel about that.

[remakethestars]

😂 Friendship. 😂

[remakethestars]

I'm not like you. I wasn't built to last. I don't hold up under pressure. You're made like the iron-on patch you put over the worn knee of a child's jeans. I'm like a six year old girl's leggings. One fall and there's a hole in the knee. You're the cop in the bulletproof vest and I'm the civilian that gets in the way. You're a house built on a rock and I'm built over an Indian burial ground. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I've scraped my knee, been shot in the chest, and the foundation's crumbling.

@alexisaraindrop

[remakethestars]

We were in County Market the other day and this happened:

A mother was looking for her son. I'm pegging him at about 18. He's in the aisle across from ours and the mother's a couple aisles down. Mom: Stephan!? Stephan: Over here, ma! Mom: *moves down a couple aisles* Stephan!? Stephan: Mom! Me: (not very loudly, just a vice a whisper-yell) Marco! Stephan & his mom: Polo! And old man strolls past us, pushing a shopping cart. The mother's found her son and they're in the aisle across from ours. The old man walks between the aisles and chuckles at the encounter, shooting me a smile. Sometimes I forget I hate people.

[remakethestars]

Me: *prances into kitchen wearing an too-big t-shirt, pajama shorts, and fuzzy socks* Me: *stands on my tip-toes to get a glass from the cupboard* Me: *dances over to the fridge* Me: *pulls an ice tray out of the freezer* Me: Hello, everyone. Today we're going to play a game called- Me: *twists ice tray to free ice cubes* Me: 'How Many Ice Cubes-' Me: *twists it the opposite direction and is again rewarded with the blissful sound of cracking ice* Me: '-Can I Fit into This Glass?' Me: *starts expertly stacking the cubes until they're towering to just above the rim* Me: *sighs and glances to the two cubes left in the tray* Me: I have failed at twelve ice cubes yet again. Me: *looks up to invisible camera like in The Office* See you next time on 'How Many Ice Cubes Can I Fit into This Glass?'... probably in two hours. Me: *refills the tray with water and sticks it back in the freezer* Me: *scoops up a pitcher and fills the glass with water, earning more cracks from the ice* Me: *winks at camera as I dance from the kitchen and try not to slosh the water out of the cup*

~:~

• Quotev • Instagram • Wattpad • Tumblr •

[remakethestars]

That time the teacher I was 99.9% sure hated my guts backed me up.

So, I don’t think they do this anymore in the public schools, but in the private schools (at least the one I went to) you graduate from 8th grade. 

Now, my 8th grade class was one of four girls: Me(Allie), Abby(likes to be called Joey), Ivy, and Emma. Our homeroom teacher liked to pretend she liked me, but I think she secretly hates my guts(yeah, still. One of my best friends says that I’m a teacher’s pet, so if I’m not their favorite, I think they don’t like me, but that teacher shot me glares quite a few times and rather enjoyed calling me out- hell, she once called me stupid to my face, so we’re just going to pretend my bestie didn’t call me a teacher’s pet, yeah?). This teacher managed to take over the school. The principle basically just let her run it because she was getting old and wanted to retire anyway, so why not just let this teacher run it this year? 

Right, so we’re graduating. There’s a couple rehearsals, one in both of the two days before graduation(yeah, I screwed it up all three times, I think). The second rehearsal, they got the screen up that showed our names and stuff, a collage of pictures from that year. 

Now, you need to know that I was friends with most of the teachers on Facebook. One day I found a quote from Winnie the Pooh and tagged all my 8th grade class with something along the lines of “wouldn’t it be great if this was our class quote?”. Well, maybe this teacher hated me, but I don’t think she hated all my ideas, ‘cause that quote was projected across the bottom of the screen. 

I’ll take this time to remind you that we’re rehearsing in front of the entire school (it’s a private school that goes from K3 to 8th grade, so there aren’t that many kids). 

My friends notice the quote and start repeatedly punching my shoulder with hisses of “dude, the quote! That’s your quote!” or something like that, but they aren’t the only ones to notice it. The rest of the school notices it too and they all burst out laughing. 

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard.” -Winnie the Pooh

Now, I’m completely offended and kind of embarrassed. This is our graduation quote. I selected it and all of the kids in school are laughing at it because it’s from Winnie the Pooh. 

I’m mortified. Part of me wants to take off and go cry in the bathroom. The rest of me just stands there and slowly turns to look at the assembly of kids laughing at the screen- and me and my classmates. 

And, I mean, this teacher’s called me stupid to my face. She put on a good show, but I was about 99.9% sure that she hated me. Much to my relief and confusion, she speaks up. 

Her face turns cold and her jawline stiffens as hard as a rock as she clenches her teeth and turns to the kids all sitting idle in the church pews. The glare in her eyes is one I’ve been on the receiving end of quite a few times, “Is something funny?” 

The auditorium goes silent. The teachers all turn to look at the children sitting in the pews next to them. They give the children pointed looks, but they can’t fool me. They were laughing too. There are a few nervous and apologetic no’s, but that doesn’t settle the uneasy feeling wafting off the kids. The room’s still silent other than the noise of a few nervous fidgets and if me or one of my friends were to trip down the steps on the front of the stage, it would sound like an earthquake. 

“Then why were you laughing?” She asks. The question was asked only a second later, but it felt like an eternity for me. 

No one answers her question. 

“That’s what I thought,” she declares before turning back and continuing the ceremony. 

So, that’s the story of the time the teacher I was certain hated my guts backed me up.

~:~

• Quotev • Instagram • Wattpad • Tumblr •

[remakethestars]

“Nothing to say...

     Nothing at all.”

~:~

• Quotev • Instagram • Wattpad • Tumblr •

[remakethestars]

Sometimes I think- 

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or the others crazy?” -Albert Einstein 

-and then I send my best friends texts like these and remember that, yes, I am crazy.

~:~

• Quotev • Instagram • Wattpad • Tumblr •

[remakethestars]

Me(in comment): Hey, isn't your icon that one person from that one show?

Person(also in comment): Haha. Yeah, but they're also this one character in this one show.

Me: Oh, haha. Cool.

Person: You should totally check it out. *proceeds to explain plot*

Me: Cool! Will do!

Me: *continues scrolling because I'm a heartless sociopath and don't actually care about what the other person was talking about, only exchanging pleasantries to spare the person's insignificant mortal feelings*

Me(in head): Sometimes I can be a real bitch.

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Oh well. Haha.