#more will come later because i can't stop thinking about this

[kurokawaia]

dabi, hawks, bakugou reaction to kid yelling at their mom ?

DON'T YELL AT YOUR MAMA!

⋆·˚ ༘ * FEATURING :: Bakugou Katsuki, Hawks, Dabi - (separately)

⋆·˚ ༘ * WARNINGS :: none really, bakugou x fem!reader, hawks x fem!reader, dabi x fem!reader, x fem!reader, second pov, reader is a mother, kids have a little bit of attitude, kids are around 5-8 years of age, slight spoilers for dabi! + more? MINI DRABBLES.

DABI

Dabi and yours first child has definitely inherited everything from Dabi, there isn't one thing that has been missed. Red hair, blue eyes and that same, quite annoying, sass and attitude. You didn't allow your son to have another cookie, keeping in mind he has had seven, causing him to retort, "Dad doesn't care! Why can't you be more like Dad! You're so annoying, Mum!" This wasn't the first time that your son has lashed out but it was never directed to you, so you didn't know what to do, you just stood there frozen with your lips slightly agape.

Dabi doesn't play around when it comes to you, not even his own child, no one will disrespect you, so you watch your son freeze up as he feels his fathers eyes glaring into the back of his head. "What did you just say? Do you want to repeat that or are you going to apologise?" Dabi asks, leaning down behind him, head next to his sons.

HAWKS

"You're not the boss of me!" Your daughter yells and you froze in place and you could feel Keigo looking at the both of you from the couch. You were both playing in front of the couches, on the plush carpet with her toys when you had told her, kindly, to pack up because it's time for bed when she began to yell at you with a tone you've never heard from her before.

Hawks makes sure to be a chill dad, being as nice and calm as possible is the best way to go in his mind. He doesn't yell, he never really has, so he wonders how she even learnt how to raise her voice. School, he realises. Keigo lets out a sigh before sitting upright from his previously laying down status and rests his elbows onto his knees. "I know I didn't, nor your mum raise you to speak like that, kid," Keigo scolds very lightly, but it's quite obvious that he doesn't sound very playful anymore. "Apologise," he says without any room for any back chat. Your daughter looks to the floor with tears welled in her eyes already.

Then, later on, he talks to his daughter about how to process frustrating emotions like that so she doesn't hurt her mama's feelings.

BAKUGOU

Bakugou truly tries to take the gentle parenting method that you opt for, but when his son is a carbon copy of him, it's really hard to do. His son has the exact same tone an attitude that is surprising for a kid to take on at that age but then again, his dad is Katsuki. "There's just one more broccoli on your plate, sweetheart, do you think you could eat it for me?" you ask gently and you were met with an immediate scowl from your son. "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, I AM NOT EATING THAT!" All you could do was blink in shock, that was probably the first time that your son ever yelled at you directly about... well, you.

Beside you, Katsuki was about to drink some water but he stopped midway, glass halting in the air as his vermilion eyes lasered onto his sons. "You wanna repeat that?" Katsuki says in almost a dark grumble and his son immediately tenses up, knowing that he stuffed up. Katsuki will not have anyone talk back to you in such a tone, never. "You don’t ever talk to your mum like that again. Not unless you want me to ground your ass for a month. Apologise."

Your son mumbles one with his eyes to his knees.

"I didn't hear you, say it like you mean it or I'll consider that grounding," Katsuki says more sternly and then your son emits a louder apology while looking you in the eye which was enough for you. Because you knew that Katsuki at that age would've never done that so you're proud that he can make his carbon copy can. Instead of giving his son the little scolding later on, Katsuki gives you a scolding on telling you to stop being so nice.

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

honey's a/note:: I hope you guys enjoyed this, im supposed to be working on my report for my assignment but i got bored ^^

[postmoe]

I find it attractive of a beta or alpha get turned into an omega if they get fucked to much. So what about yandere alpha geshu lin x beta/alpha male reader x yandere alpha jiyan. Or yandere Mydei x beta/alpha male Reader x yandere alpha Phainon. Reader getting turned into an omega so they can keep him all to themselves and maybe baby trap him 🤭.

dude i have so many beta fantasies it's not even funny. thank you for this opportunity.

non-con, abo, male reader, beta -> omega reader,

.

It was always the three of you; Phainon, Mydei, (Y/n). You went through training together, fought the hardest battles together, everyone revered you like you were unstoppable.

Well, everyone respected you in a passive/aggressive way because you were covered in the musk of two supreme alphas. Unfortunately for you, in the womb, you never grew to the next stage from being a beta.

Betas were pretty rare now, they started off as the dominant second gender, but as time grew so did the power of evolution. Everyone starts off in the womb as a beta, then months down the line you unlock your social status. Sometimes, you just get stuck as the runt. There have been few cases of people opening their second gender later in life, though only within a very specific fate of events.

It's not all bad. Apparently, Mydei's and Phainon's scent was so extreme that a lot of people couldn't stand near them for a certain amount of time. Alpha's get antsy, compliment or aggressive. Omegas have gone into heat on the spot, rolling over motionless as their hormones take over. Now, they're pretty good at controlling their smell, or so everyone says.

It never bothered you to begin with, your nose not suited to judge others. You couldn't read emotions if it wasn't present on their face, which in this day and age is more of a talent than anything; at least, that's what Phainon says to make you feel better.

For a beta to get this far in life is pretty astonishing. You realise you had a lot of help from your two friends. They've been able to sniff you out when you're in danger, or their scent that lingers on your clothes is enough to stop any intelligent bandit or monster. However, even when you're feeling down about it, even when the world criticizes you for 'using' two alphas to your advantage, they both have been there to keep you reeled in.

"Why do you even bother trying to lie to us," Mydei huffs, crossing his arms over his puffed out chest, "You have a smell, too. It's not like we don't know what you're feeling."

"That's unfair," you sigh, shoulders slumping, "Maybe I just don't want to talk about it, ever think of that?"

Phainon nods, his arms coming to drape over your shoulders from behind, rubbing his cheek against yours, "Everyone is allowed to have their secrets."

You roll your eyes, going back to polishing your sword with the rag while he lounges against you, "It's not even a secret, just the usual shit." You go silent for a moment, feeling their eyes burn holes into for more information. It should have been common knowledge by now that you won't get out of anything from them, so you gently place your sword down groan, "Fine! I walked past one of your fan groups today. An omega was saying how I was only holding back your true potential, that with me on the battlefield then you can't go all out."

Both of them opened their mouths to speak, you held up your hand to zip them shut.

"And before you say anything; yes, I know that I'm strong too. Yes, I know I can fight. Yes, I know they're just 'jealous' that I get to hang around you." You can't make eye contact with either of them, knowing that you might just crack if you do, "... It doesn't always help. I'm okay with that, though. This is the life I chose and I can deal with all the shit thrown my way."

Phainon buried his face in your neck, sniffling into one of your more sensitive parts, the scent glands. You shivered from the contact, he didn't seem to mind as he practically cried, "You're so strong, (Y/n)! But you know, you still have to take care of your mental health, too. I think you should stay away from those people for a while."

Mydei stood from his spot on the grass and walked over, ruffling your hair with his hand before dragging it down your face and to trace your neck, "We haven't been around because of the recent attacks, so our scent is waning from you. Here, we'll ward them off."

You shook your head out of their grip and rolled to the side, away from them, "I don't need you to scare anyone away by smothering me. I think your scent only makes them more mad."

"It's natural biology for an alpha to cover what's theirs in their smell, you can't just tell us to stop," Phainon argues, shrugging like it's the most obvious thing.

With a laugh, you stand and pick up your sword, "Since when am I yours?"

They both silently looked to each other, communicating in a language you would never understand. Mydei tells you, "You've been our beta longer than you've been alone."

"Yep~" Phainon teases, "Should have thought about that before you became our friend."

Yeah, right. One day these two will find their omegas, they'll create a beautiful family and you can be the cool, beta uncle that showers the kids in annoying gifts to rile up their parents. "Sure, whatever," you dismiss, now taking on an offensive stance, "So, we sparring or what?"

...

Storm season is fast approaching in this part of the land. You three had been sent out patrol the far, outer lands on a 'boys' camping trip'. The trek made you sweaty, the days humid and the nights cold, yet you didn't stop until you reached an open cave near the top of the mountain.

Forests surround you, rushing rivers and falls heard in the distance, and the sounds of insects chirping were drowning your ears. You had abandoned your shirt long ago, rolling yourself in insect repellent that did well to make your two companions scrunch up their noses in distaste.

As you set down the heavy bags in the cave, the sun setting in the distance, you noticed some faded, rock drawings on the walls. Walking up to them, you see crude images of stick figure deaths, a chimera with little hearts around it and a spurting dick. Phainon placed his hand on your shoulder, "Mydei drew the penis."

You both look over to see him skulling his sack of water, giving you both the middle finger. You purse your lips, "Even though I've known you for so long, it's always weird to see such a childish side of you."

After setting up camp, you realise how much you may have missed when you weren't able to accompany them on missions. This place is gorgeous, and they only tell tales of greater environments, it left you feeling a sense of awe and a pang of sadness. When they laugh together, bicker, playfully shove at each other, you can see it the way everyone else sees it.

Two, great alphas Mydei and Phainon - plus you. Little, ol' beta you.

It's nothing to get worked up over. Not a big deal, not an issue at all. You notice they've stopped talking and are looking at you with concern. Fuck. Why are you having this crisis now of all times? They can definitely smell you, they know what you're feeling and they're expecting an answer.

You smile at them widely, "Sorry, I just got lost in a daydream." Can they smell when you lie, too? If so, they speak nothing of it.

...

Being able to swim in such beautiful, clean water was a luxury you didn't know you needed. The baths and streams around Okhema were amazing, there's no doubt about it. Hot springs sent from natural sources, lotions and soaps created from the best ingredients, but this... This was something altogether new.

The water was a cold that made your muscles relax, the flavour refreshing and dare you say, curative. The sound was a delightful white noise of rushing water and splashing ripples from either of you or the fish that swim by.

On the shore, Phainon was the last to disrobe, the three of you deciding to skinny dip as a fun, good morning. You greet him with a smile as he resurfaces from bombing into the water, shaking your face of stray droplets, "Are you sure it's alright for us all to be here? I really think one of us should keep watch at the cave."

He lays on his back, closing his eyes while he floats around you, "Don't stress, there are others at points around the outer city. Someone is always watching from one direction or another."

"I see... I guess I'm just wor-" your voice is cut off as your ankle is suddenly grabbed and you're yanked down under the surface. You see the blurry image of Mydei, the red tattooed lines on his skin the main stand out for the fuzzy, underwater alpha.

The two of you duke it out - poorly - until you both resurface and you're gasping for air. He huffs out a breath of his own, hiding any semblance of exhaustion, "You're going to need to fight better than that if you want to get on our level."

As if coming to your rescue, Phainon swims over to him, "Oh, please, as if it's normal for someone to be capable of fighting under water." He then winks to you before shoving the blonde's head down, effectively drowning him out.

The three of you relax around the falls, floating idly in the water side-by-side. You think you could fall asleep, except your nose twitches at an interesting smell. You've smelt it before, very faintly and only when they really push it. What can be excruciatingly stunning to others, you only get a whiff of as a beta; the smell of these alphas.

Mydei and Phainon are a rare sort, extremely strong and capable of power beyond mosts comprehension. A few people are rare like that, some omegas even being too intoxicating for the outside world. It's a pleasant smell, to you, something you not-so-secretly indulge in whenever you get the chance. It also makes you feel slightly more normal.

You wade over and gently rest your head on the upper part of Mydei's stomach, closing your eyes and sighing happily, "I don't get why people can't be around you guys if you're too strong. I like your smell."

Phainon playfully pouts at you choosing Mydei, coming over to join you and rest his head on his chest. He inhales the Kremnoan's scent, smiling serenely, "Omega's and Alpha's never really stop developing their senses until their mid 30's. The older you get, even smells like perfumes can become too much, let alone the emotions of someone with tremendous power."

"Does that mean you guys aren't holding back anymore if I can smell you?"

Mydei moves a wet hand to pet your head, "We don't need to hold back up here."

"Besides," Phainon gazes at you with a fondness in his eyes, "It's nice to share something so personal with someone close, don't you think?"

They can't just relax like this around anyone, and since you all spend most of your time in the city, you hardly get a chance to get a whiff of them. A giddy smile decorates your face, your eyes closing as you relax once more, "Yeah, I agree."

...

On the third day you notice something odd. Your friend's seem to be more agitated, little offsets leading to snarling and biting, every twig snap or rustle has them staring in that direction in case of a particular threat.

You've never seen them like this.

They must be stressed by all the work that's been unloaded onto them. An argument broke out five minutes ago about something you didn't understand, the two deciding to take a walk to cool off and collect more firewood. You decide that this is the perfect time to help them out, picking up a sword and attaching it to your waist before heading out on a patrol. When you get back, they can relax at the duties already being fulfilled.

You don't know the area very well, however, you did accompany them the past couple of nights so you have an idea of where to go. You're not too stressed about getting lost, the trail somewhat visible to someone like you, who has been taught overcome these kinds of obstacles. What you didn't expect was that it gets darker quicker under the canopy of trees.

It appeared you had an hour of daylight left, yet only fifteen minutes later and you noticed a dramatic change. The mountains are certainly an interesting place to be, you're usually stationed closer to the city and nearer the fallen towns.

With the darkness comes fauna that arouse at night, a particular croak gaining your attention. You crouch down with interest, seeing a teal coloured frog with a lighter stomach hop into a puddle. It was smaller than the palm of your hand, yet the sound it made was so loud you would never expect it to come from such a tiny creature.

Your admiration was halted as you hear heavy thumping from deeper in the brush. It's fast, leaves and sticks being moved and thrown out of the way to make room for whatever is coming at you. You quickly draw your sword and take a defensive stance, readying for whatever may be in store.

If it's a boar or something similar, you could climb one of the thicker trees and make your way around by jumping branches. If it's something more like a giant bush cat, then you would have no choice but to fight it.

Turns out, it was neither. Before you had the opportunity to lay eyes on it, there is ablur of movement and your weapon is thrusted from your hand, flying off and landing into the dark distance. You're immediately incapacitated, wrist close to snapping and arm yanked back as you're brought to your knees.

Mydei is snarling aggressively in your ear, holding you down like some convict trying to escape. He spits his words like venom, "What the fuck did you think you were doing? Are you stupid?! Leaving the nest like that wandering off on your own!"

You cry out in pain as he tightens his grip, the sound and pheromones you let off making him back off slightly but not letting go.

Before you can ask what the hell is going on, Phainon appears behind you and walks around so he can kneel at your front. He tenderly cradles your face and looks over you for any other injuries, "Don't hurt him, Mydei. He made a stupid decision but it wasn't his fault."

A breath of relief leaves you when he finally lets go. You slump and cradle your aching arm, flinching when Mydei falls to his knees behind you and resting his face in the crook of your neck. He mumbles into your flesh, "Why did you leave like that? You could have gotten hurt."

With a new found annoyance, you flick Phainon's hands away from you and shrug the other off your back, "What the fuck??? Why are you both acting like I just up and left?"

"Because you did up and leave," Mydei growls, only halting when he and Phainon meet with a hard glare. He tuts and stands, making sure you have nowhere to run if you decided to flee, "We should have just been outright with him from the beginning."

You didn't like the sound of that. Without a word, you look to Phainon for an answer, Mydei is acting too impulsive for your liking right now. Phainon stands before you, both of them now crowding any escape with how close they are, "In truth, we brought you up here because we knew our ruts were coming and we wanted you with us."

"P-Pardon?" It was so incredulous you were sure you heard wrong. But, what else could he have said? "You do know what I am, right? We've only known each other for a couple of decades so be honest if you need a reminder."

Mydei scoffs and grabs you by the back of your shirt, hefting you to your tippy toes to growl, "Our Beta's got jokes. If you can jest then you can mate."

"WHAT?!" You kick your feet comically in the air, trying to find some sort of purchase, "I can't mate - I physically cannot mate! Not with an Alpha!!"

Phainon chimes in giddily, "Two Alphas! Don't worry, we'll ensure you're thoroughly pregnant by the end of this rut."

Body limits aside, being a beta means your reproductive organs aren't open to be used. They're sitting inside you, dormant. For some reason, you don't think they see that as a drawback, instead viewing your biology as more of a challenge to be tackled.

...

Day six and you're sore. Your legs, which have been in every position possible. Your arms, which are restrained when they're doing anything that's not fucking you. Your poor, poor hole, which hasn't been dry in days. Your oversensitive cock, now you can't tell what liquid comes out, your last orgasm streaming like piss on the rock below.

Phainon drags his hot, wet tongue up your neck, moaning as he slips his erected cock into you again. Your mouth hangs open, arse clenching when he's stopped by his knot hitting your rim. He's got you in a full nelson, your thighs over his own, a sound of discomfort coming from you at the stretch of his knot trying to enter you.

He shudders, lightly humping upwards, "Do you smell that, Mydei? He's changing."

Mydei flops his own dick in your face, tracing his leaking tip along the bone of your cheek before he slips his length between your lips, "How interesting. All our darling beta needed was a little push."

Your eyes roll into the back of your head as they fuck you again, your pretty, little hole gaping ever larger to accommodate them.

...

The cold, wet soil near the falls was blissful on your overheating skin. You've never felt this hot before, you assume it's a fever coming on from being under these two for however many days now. Mydei has you on your back, tongue swirling and mouth slurping at your puckered arse.

It was nice to just relax and be tended to, as fucked up as that seems. Phainon was behind him, washing his own body and admiring the scene before him.

Mydei licks a stripe from your hole, up the length of your taint and to your flaccid cock. He coos patronisingly, kissing the sensitive tip and making you jolt, "Poor sweetheart, have we been too rough with you?"

It's too little too late to ask you that now. You stick with your mission of giving them the silent treatment unless necessary, turning your head away and closing your eyes, thinking back on the coolness of the soil.

Until, "A-Ahh! S-Stop!" You moan, hands going to his hair and yanking as hard as you can, trying to stop him from swallowing your cock and drinking it over and over again. The way his tongue and cheeks move against your flesh has you throbbing and twitching in his mouth. "I can't, I can't," you breathe, swaying your head side to side as if to deny the oncoming torture.

But you can't, even half-hard he has you spurting your cum down his throat. You hold his head down with each half-hearted thrust, only to pull again before another tingling jolt of your hips.

When you can open your eyes again, you pleadingly gaze to Phainon, who had paused his washing to stare solely at you both. His eyes dart to meet yours, mind working overtime to bring him out of his daze and pull lightly on his companion, "Hey, save some for me, okay? Let him recuperate a bit."

Mydei flies his elbow back, not getting off you. At this, Phainon clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and locks the blonde's head with his elbow, flipping him back into the water.

You take a deep breath as they start to wrestle. Now you can rest again, you rarely get time to yourself now. When they sleep, sometimes, you're still plugged with one of them inside you, cockwarming throughout the night. Otherwise, when they go hunting, you might be tied tightly inside the cave, though there is usually at least one of them with you.

A gentle rain starts, the drops hitting your heated face. You need this, the rain a lot cooler than the falls as it collects in the sky. Lately, you've been feeling weird, unwell, hot. It's unlike anything you've ever experienced before.

Not to mention their scent. The boys' sweat, bodies, just everything about them is becoming less off putting and more desirable than ever. If you're honest, you're scared with what's happening.

...

They had both left you in the cave, the rain a perfect mask for hunting good meat right now.

"Need to keep our darling's energy up!"

You're not sure when, but some time after they left you were reeling in some sort of pain. Not like being slashed by a sword, or thrown by an enemy, but more like a strange punch to the gut. It blossomed within you and bloomed around your body, effecting your head and pelvis the most.

Breathing became difficult, your chest rising and falling quickly, you couldn't focus on how to fix it. No, not with the gnawing pain and discomfort in your gut.

You had wormed your way towards the entrance but the rope only let you go so far. They didn't give you enough leeway to get more than halfway through the cave, which meant you couldn't get any rain to cool you down.

What you did find, however, was their sashes they didn't wear today. Your nose twitched, and you reached your tied wrists over so your fingers could grab the red fabric and scrunched it to your face, moaning in absolute delight. Quickly, you secured the blue and gold one and weaved it between your legs, covering as much of your body as you could.

You're not sure when they came back, only realising they were standing ominously at the entrance of the cave when their musk started to seep heavier than the sashes you were breathing. The rain hadn't let up, both of them drenched and Mydei holding the antlers of a dead deer beside him.

Your jaw trembles, tears running down your cheeks as you whimper, "What's happening to me?"

It's only when you talk do they enter, dropping the carcass to the side before carefully kneeling down to cradle you. Your ropes are torn off and you sit between the two men, both leaning so they can run their teeth over the scent glands in your neck.

You whine as Mydei gently nibbles you, a low groan causing your cock to leak rivulets down your shaft, "Perfect for biting now."

Phainon reaches to gasp your cock, smoothly jerking up the length before circling his fingers along the glands, "I knew your unawaken second gender was this. You just had to be an omega, what with the way you were taunting us; begging to be bred."

Unawaken... Omega? No, that's-

"Hah~ Please..." You lift your hips when you feel fingers enter inside you, easily stretching you open now.

Mydei chuckles deeply, grinning at all the new possibilities going through his head, "Perfect for knotting now, too."

[plethorawrites]

I'm back to my once in a blue moon Roy post. And again, I can't stop thinking about how any person he dated HAS to be approved by Lian.

---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---_

It doesn't matter how much Roy Harper likes you or how perfect he thinks you are, if Lian doesn't like one of his partners, he'll break up with that person the next day.

He obviously waits a while to see if he even likes you enough to introduce you to her, but once he makes that decision, it's nerve wracking. He wants her to approve. He really does. And you want her too as well. He drones on about her constantly. Basically the entire first date was him relating every question you asked him back to her somehow.

Favorite place to go? The zoo, because Lian loves it. Favorite food? Grilled cheese, because he makes it for her so much he got hooked. Favorite color? It changes when hers does because everything she owns switches shades too. But he's partial to the color closest to her eyes.

And you're just as excited and nervous to meet her, knowing exactly how important she is to him. Lian is a good judge of character, she can know instantly if someone is wrong for her dad and she doesn't want them around him.

With you, it's the same as all the others. She's standoffish, curious but hesitant, asking you questions that only seem to have bad answers the way all kids somehow manage to do. And you're panicking, admittedly, not only at the questions, but at seeing Roy slowly deflate when he realizes how judgmental his daughter is.

At some point he excuses himself from the room for a moment, either to take a call, or try to take a breath because he's suddenly thinking about ending the relationship. But the second he walks away and both you and Lian can see the disappointment in posture, you both soften. Mostly her.

"...He works a lot," she told you, almost like a deterrent.

You nodded softly. "I know."

There was a pause, her princess crown falling a little bit. "Things with mom didn't end well," she mumbled.

You fixed her crown. "I know that, too." Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear you scooted closer to her on the couch. "I don't want to replace your mom, Lian. I just...want to love your dad."

She looked up at you. No one he brought home ever said the L word before. Not unless it was in some patronizing way as they talked about her while squishing her cheeks.

Her lips quirked, fighting a pout. "He's always busy," she repeated with emphasis. "I don't even see him for a week or two." She knew why, of course, and never blamed him. It still hurt.

Things suddenly clicked for you, realizing Lian was less worried about you, and more worried about you stealing her time with him.

"Well...maybe when he's gone, you and I could go somewhere? Do you like the aquarium?" You suggested hesitantly, watching her furrow her brows in skepticism as she nodded. "And maybe when he's back, we could all do something too, like a movie..." She seemed to relax a little, still pouting. "I'm not trying to steal him from you. You're the most important thing in his life, you know? You'll always come first."

...

A while later, Roy had all but prepared his typical break up speech, planning to tell you he liked you a lot but needed to take care of Lian and her needs first before focusing on himself. It hurt more this time, though, rehearsing it, than it usually did.

He walked back into the living room, freezing when he saw you braiding Lian's hair, a blanket pulled over her lap as she clicked the buttons on a remote.

"Oh, there you are," you said, glancing up. "We were going to watch 'Brave', do you want to join us?"

He blinked a few times, glancing at his daughter to ensure she wasn't just pretending. Then again, she never went along with anything she didn't actually want to do.

Roy nodded slightly, sitting next to Lian, squishing her in-between you two as she found the movie on the TV.

"You should make us popcorn," she practically demanded, starting the movie and glancing back at you as you finished her hair. "He makes really good popcorn."

You nodded curiously, giving her a small smile. "You ever tried it with M&M's in it before?"

Her eyes widened, head snapping towards her dad as if already asking for it. "O-okay, yeah, I'll check if we have any," he muttered, standing up, sparing a glance over his shoulder as he saw you pulling a blanket over Lian's lap while she passed her favorite princess crown to you.

It seemed she did approve, this time.

[was-that-a-pun]

Fleshin out more background characters in my AU fic for later chapters like I have with Medic and Thomas and a recent cut content video gave me ideas for Scout the boogie bot and Izzy the bobby bearhug

Scout I've decided was an older kid in Playcare and was a close friend with Matthew before he was 'chosen'. They were similar ages, though Scout had been there longer and had lost her parents in a car accident she wasn't part of. It gave her a slightly better idea of what he was going through than most other kids did and tended to play backup to his leader role.

Neither ran into Kevin much just by chance, the little they did see of him he seemed fine to them although Matthew caught some other kids setting him up to get in trouble once and put a stop to it.

After Matthew was taken Izzy arrived, probably younger than Jack when she got there, and instantly clung to Scout as big sister. Scout returned in kind and goes out of her way to care for and dote on her.

Scout though was also 'chosen' a little more than a year after Matthew and Kevin were, Izzy had a hard time in Playcare for the few months before she was as 'chosen' as well because she couldn't connect with anyone else the same way.

Scout and Izzy are dumped into the workyard/general population at the same time and Izzy does not handle things well. Scout would know that sobbing anywhere and scrambles to comfort her and convince her of who she is and that Izzy isn't alone. Doey overhears and oh shit this is one of my friends.

They all end up in trouble/punished because Izzy can't calm down enough to work, Scout wont leave her side, and Doey wont let the guards touch either one of them. But afterwards it makes things a little easier because Matthew knows he can trust scout, which means Jack and Kevin learn to trust her and she becomes one of the main people he talk to about the whole confusing experience of being three kids turned into one.

Cut content lines under the readmore that inspired me

Scout: Izzy, have you done what I asked you to? Gathered all your things?

Izzy: Oh, yeah! I’ve got my journal and my crayons and my dollys and my-

Scout: Good. Good I just wanted to make sure

Izzy: You. Y-you sound sad -

Scout: No! No. Just thinking…

Izzy: Thinking about what?

Scout: About everything to come, about our part in it.

Izzy: Oh...okay. Are we still gonna play our game later? Y-you promised we would-

Scout: *chuckles* I remember kiddo, and a good scout knows to keep her promises.

Izzy: Yes!

Scout: But finish up your tasks first please! Then my time is all yours.

Izzy: Okay! I’ll get them done quick! Super quick! You wont even see me doing them!

Scout: That better mean they’re actually getting done though *sigh*

[maleyanderecafe]

I Can Die for You (Manga)

Created by: Saori

Genre: Shoujo/Comedy

This is another one that I typesetted and is actually @meo-eirui's baby (as in she translated it). This one is just starting out, but is relatively light. It's in the same ballpark as Kurosaki-san no Ichizuna Ai ga Tomaranai in that it is a relationship with a teacher and a student (so an adult and a minor), though again, I think it does it tastefully enough that it's not too weird(well, mostly), at least in the context of the story. This is a pairing of a light yandere and a jirai kei type of character, though it is mostly pretty light hearted as of now. Currently there is two chapters out, though we will be updating weekly until the story is finished. . If you like our stuff, please donate to us on Ko-fi for more yandere stuff.

The story starts out with Nemu waiting on Christmas Eve for her boyfriend to come and visit her. While waiting she spots another man waiting for his love to come as well. However, as hour pass by, she and this other guy wait in the cold until finally their lovers come to visit. However, we find out that for both of them, they were essentially broken up with and didn't want to see them again, thus ditching them entirely. Nemu then invites this other guy to come and eat with him, feeling that she has a sort of comradery with him given they both waited in the snow for about ten hours. Nemu and Rindou then both complain about how they were too much for the other person with Nemu being a Jirai Kei (a landmine girl) and Rindou being yandere light. They both have similar ideas in terms of what they want in a relationship (like having only their love as their only contact, having a gps tracker on their phone and having the lovers prioritize only their lover), and Nemu feels really touched that she's found a kindred soul in this way. After spending too much time eating, the two aren't able to exchange contacts because their phones are dead, though Nemu hopes to see him in the future. A couple of months later, Nemu ends up dating another guy to stop the loneliness, though it's clear that she's still thinking about Rindou. This leads to the breakup of her current boyfriend, though lo and behold, her new teacher is Rindou which she cheers about immediately. Of course, Rindou doesn't respond, which leads her confused and she goes to look for him after. She finds out that indeed, this is the Rindou that she met on Christmas, and even asks him out, though Rindou refuses because he can't date someone who switches up with other guys so easily. The chapter ends with Nemu declaring she won't give up.

In the second chapter, Nemu continues the attack on trying to ask Rindou out, though she keeps on failing regardless and ends up being kicked out of class for interrupting too much. This leads to her writing a bunch of letters and whatnot declaring her love for Rindou. During this time, one of her ex's, Keito, comes to ask to be together again as the two only split up because of his parents. Despite this, Nemu continues to refuse him, both finding him annoying and finding that this will interfere with Rindou's perception of Nemu. Eventually Keito pulls up the attention that dating Rindou would cause him to go to jail given that she's a minor and he's an adult, causing Nemu to start to worry and be less aggressive in trying to pursue Rindou. Eventually, this excessive worry causes Nemu to cause an accident during Chemistry class where Rindou brings her to the nurse to take care of her. Nemu confesses that she stopped trying to be so aggressive once she found out that she could cause Rindou to get fired, though Rindou simply laughs at this stating that he wouldn't even care if he got fired if he was a teacher or even arrested, though once again, the chapter ends with Rindou rejecting her advances because she has ten exs.

This one is kind of strange because technically Rindou isn't really a yandere for Nemu, or at least doesn't have interest in having a relationship with her not because of the age difference (which well, manga logic) but rather because of her tendency to jump from guy to guy. We do see him show tendencies for his ex though, given that, like Nemu, he waited in the snow for three hours, was about to propose to her after only three months of dating and would have likely killed (or otherwise hurt himself) if not for Nemu's interference. Generally yanderes don't really jump from person to person, they tend to have one person who they are ride or die for, but this isn't really the case. Currently we don't have all the chapters translated (because I can't read Japanese) but we can assume that as the story goes on he does become more like how he was with his old partner to match with Nemu, given that it's going in the direction of the two being endgame. I think that they match pretty well and I'm a sucker for couples like menhara x yandere or in this case jirai kei x yandere since they often are able to match each other's energy. Meru is really spreading the word here with this kind of thing lol. It will be interesting to see how this series goes since it does have such a unique coupling.

Nemu is go getter from the beginning and I can always appreciate a proactive MC. It is kind of refreshing seeing a lead that is going after the yandere rather than the other way around, since usually the yanderes are the ones who pursue their love interest. I don't really know too much about Jirai Kei other than the general outfits that they wear, but at least from what I can tell they do tend to be very explosive in their emotions while still having a specific type of fashion that they have as well. I'm not really sure if Jirai Keis are types that tend to be more assertive in what they want, but in any case it is fun seeing Nemu's personality and seeing how much she loves the yandere side to Rindou. It does make me wonder if there's maybe too many series we do where there's a happy ending with the yandere and their lover but, that's an issue for another time.

The next chapter seems to be more about Keito and his relationship with Nemu, which I'm sure will somehow give me second male lead syndrome, but I guess we'll see how that goes. In any case, if you are interested in this series, please feel free to check it out. We'll be trying to post on Fridays on Mangadex, so keep an eye out.

[ssahotchnerr]

omg Katie i was rewatching s7 (as one does) and ohhhh my gosh I forgot how delicious and gorgeous beard!Hotch is😔😔 he’s just soo!!

I can’t stop thinking about maybe the beard making a comeback while on vacation or something, him being all domestic with that beard — and it’s just such a change from his usual suit and tie lawyer important job vibe😔 sorry just thought to share and wanted to know what you think of him <3333

while on vacation

i just couldn't not write a fic about this 🤭 bearded aaron my beloved cw; fem!reader, established relationship, jack calls reader mom, domestic fluff with a hint of spice❤️‍🔥, light suggestion <3 wc; 1.2k

"Don't scrunch up your face so much," you laughed gently, applying sunscreen thoroughly across Jack's face. Whether it was his forehead, the bridge of his nose, or his cheeks, he either attempted to move out of the way or scowled further in protest.

"But I don't like it," Jack complained. "It's cold and smells funny."

"I know you don't bud, but the last thing you want is to get sunburnt," you told him, your eyes sympathetic. "The sun here is a lot more harsh compared to how it is at home. I'd hate for you to be miserable, and not have as much fun because of it."

"I guess. It stings my eyes sometimes too."

"Just try your hardest not to touch your face, and you should be okay," you reassured him, snapping the sunscreen shut and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Plus, I don't think you want your father's lecture on the importance of SPF."

Speaking of - "Aaron?" you called out. "Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah..." You heard him sigh from the bathroom, the faint sound of him searching through his toiletry bag audible. "I forgot to pack my razor."

You grabbed Jack's hat and placed it atop his head, angling it more downwards to playfully cover his eyes. You got to your feet, meeting Aaron in the bathroom. "You? Forgot to pack something? What happened to the spreadsheet?"

"I don't make spreadsheets for everything," Aaron laughed at your teasing, an inquisitive expression soon taking form on his face. "Do you think the hotel carries razors?"

"I don't see why they wouldn't."

"Or we'll just have to stop at a store later," he shook his head, giving up his search and zipping up his bag.

"Or we could just... not," you suggested, pushing yourself off the doorframe and running your hands under water quickly. Once clean of any lingering sunscreen remnants, you gripped onto Aaron's polo, your hands soon roaming his torso.

An amused grin formed on his face, "Oh?"

"We're on vacation. That means getting out of routine, taking it easy, not shaving." You shrugged, continuing your flirtatious touch by toying with the collar of his shirt. "So what if a light beard makes an appearance. It wouldn't be the end of the world."

"And that's the only reason, right?" Aaron inquired as a mischievous smile tugged at the corners of his lips, his eyes gleaming with a playful understanding. "That we're on vacation?"

You weren't slick, and he knew it. However, your request did surprise him - you've only seen him with a beard once when he returned home from Pakistan, short lived as Jack despised it. But you hadn't mentioned it since.

You widened your eyes, feigning innocence, "I can't imagine there being another reason."

He lowered his voice, leaning in close. "Just say it turns you on sweetheart, it's alright."

Surprised at his sudden forwardness you immediately blushed, but he also wasn't wrong. However, before you had the chance to respond -

"Mom, Dad, you coming?" Jack asked, waiting patiently at the door with his beach towel in hand.

"Yeah, we're coming." Aaron clicked off the light, his hand finding your lower back. As he guided you out of the bathroom, it wandered further down, causing you to playfully push it away with a giggle before any young eyes could see. "Did Mom put sunscreen on you?"

He got a groan in response.

Over the course of the next few days, Aaron obliged, heeding your wishes and not shaving. It was mere stubble for a day or two, which was still a sight to see. But towards the end of the week, the beard was coming in wonderfully.

With his dark hair, slightly tousled from the laid-backness of the week's pace, the beard also complemented the sharpness of his features. It brought out the color of his eyes, enhancing their deep, intense color. His jawline, which could make you go weak in the knees any day, was more defined, a perfect contrast to the soft yet rugged texture of his beard.

Add in his sunglasses, the sweaty t-shirt clinging to his body at times due to the heat, and his developing tan, you were absolutely swooning. It was nearly impossible to tear your gaze away from him.

Even the smallest of things were driving you wild. Aaron simply placed breakfast in front of Jack one morning; face adorned by his beard, conversing with his son naturally, the domesticity had you fluttering in all ways. You found yourself wishing you had the same request on your honeymoon.

In addition, the slow vacation mornings also allowed you the time to admire Aaron before he awoke, peaceful and content in sleep. For the first time in a while too, he looked well rested.

Jack had been worn out and sleeping in also, due to the sun exposure and the long-yet-fun days catching up to him. It thankfully granted you and Aaron some much appreciated time to spend alone together.

"Good morning," you mumbled softly when Aaron's eyes found yours, reaching up slightly to press a kiss to his lips, his jaw, neck, anywhere you could reach. You continued to litter him with kisses, before full-on straddling him.

Aaron chuckled, his hands landing on your hips. His voice was still rough with sleep, peering up at you with his sleep-heavy eyelids. "I'd say it is."

You laughed softly against his skin, pulling his t-shirt collar down, giving you access to kiss his chest.

"What do I need to do to get a wakeup call like this every day?"

After pressing one more kiss to his collarbone, you sat up, remaining on top of him. "I can't believe it's our last full day," you whined as a dull filled you; back to the city, back to normalcy, back to clean-shaven Aaron.

He hummed in agreement, his finger tracing the tan line from your bikini bottoms, visible above the waistline of your pj shorts. "It did go by fast, didn't it?"

You nodded, your shoulders slumping as your bottom lip protruded in a pout.

"Are you mourning the end of our time off, or the fact that the beard will be leaving," Aaron questioned, an admirable glint in his eyes. Again, he looked thoroughly relaxed laid against his pillow, his hair sticking out in all directions as he gazed at you.

"Both," you sighed, cupping his jaw and letting your thumb graze his stubble. "Don't get me wrong, I adore seeing your clean and attractive face. But I am going to miss this."

"I'll tell you what, I'll keep it a few more days. To allow you to enjoy it thoroughly, in the privacy of our bedroom." He sat up, positioning you on his lap and easily bringing his lips to yours. With Jack so close, the two of you hadn't been very adventurous in fear of being caught. "And maybe it'll make an appearance more often. Since you like it so much." He mumbled lowly amidst the fierce kiss, a light smirk tugging at the ends of his mouth.

You pulled back briefly, a finger pressed to his chest. "Is that a promise?"

"Definitely."

[apollabarnes]

that was us part three

quick author's note: originally i wrote this series to coincide only with abby's appearances, so i didn't try and cover the time between abby leaving los angeles and coming back during the train derailment — however, since i've continued writing this series i've realized that what i orginally wrote had a lot of backstory that only existed in my head, but that was very much flavouring the rest of the story. i didn't write the tommy and abby interactions at the hospital as the first time they'd talked since he moved to harbor but all of that backstory stayed off the page. this is part of me trying to correct that, and i'm editing parts one and two to cover more of it. also, i know the hospital is originally part three, but this is sneaking in between chapter two and three (i'll update it on ao3 when i'm at my actual computer and not sneaking onto tumblr during work hours)

a tag for @leashybebes who asked to be tagged if i wrote any more of this!

abby's mom dies and she falls apart. she barely makes it through the funeral, buck holds her together while she's sorting through all of her mom's things and it's just. suffocating. her mom's passport is the last straw — how many things did she put off, thinking there would be more time before she got her diagnosis? how many things has abby put off? she loves being a dispatcher. she loves la. buck is the best thing that's happened to her in close to a decade. there were so many things she was planning to do before she tore her rotator cuff. then it was rehab, trying swimming again, quitting again — pushing off all things she'd thought about doing since she was a kid. tommy had helped with that, given her somewhere safe to recover while she licked her wounds, and still she'd put things off. put them aside and shoved them down and promised herself later, later, later. it's later and she still hasn't done even one of the things she wanted to do when she was younger.

she's going to start with her mom's old travel itinerary. abby packs a bag, buys an airline ticket, tells buck she's leaving. the thought of trying to sublet her apartment or sell it is just too much to deal with right now, so she offers him the apartment because he hates living with his roommates and she's certainly not going to be using it. she tries to be as gentle as she can. abby was stuck for a really long time and buck's the one that got her unstuck. it's a gift she's a hundred percent certain he has no idea he gave her, and she doesn't have the words to thank him for it, so she's gentle instead. buck deserves gentle. he deserves better than her, but she doesn't say that either. he wouldn't take it as the compliment she means it as.

it's a cliché to say that she can feel her heart break when he drops her off at the airport, but clichés become clichés because they're things that are true and universal.

abby sits in the airport lounge and waits for her flight to be called. she very quickly gets bored and pulls out her phone, staring at it. if she texts buck now she'll just turn around, let herself get stuck again. she'd like it, too. she wants to try. she can't stay. she scrolls through her phone contacts, stops on tommy's name. snaps a photo of her drink and the departures screen behind her.

guess who's going to europe?

since when do you text?

apparently phone calls are for fossils.

he didn't actually call you a fossil, did he?

no, of course not, but he's a texter. so. i am too now, i guess.

europe, huh? and a guinness to get you started. so you're headed to ireland.

how'd you guess?

your mom mentioned it a few times. really loved a good brogue and pierce brosnan.

she did, didn't she?

yeah. i'm really sorry, abby. about your mom and the fact i couldn't make it.

thanks. any recommendations for when i'm over there?

i'm more of a desert guy, hang on. i've got an idea.

what is this, a group chat? wait, abby texts?

why is everyone surprised that i text?

sal, abby's looking for places to visit in europe.

hey, sal.

head to italy. stop. eat. come home.

sal, jesus. i was hoping you'd be a little more useful.

well, no, he's got a point tommy, i do love pasta.

jesus, fine, stop — gina says hi, by the way. abby, i've been informed by your ex you're going to ireland first.

someone's got to keep you on track, sal.

you've already got the gift of gab since you're on the phone all day, so you can probably skip the blarney stone. there's the giant's causeway. and all the travel magazines try to rank the castles, but they're all neat.

didn't realise you'd spent so much time in europe, sal.

well, gina's the expert (and dictating some of this to me) but hey. she took me over for our honeymoon and we hit the highlights.

we're both very impressed, sal. how long are you going to be in europe, abby?

i don't know. until i get… inspired.

is the baby hotshot coming with?

i hate it when you two call him that.

we could have used his name if you'd ever given it to us.

and have you track him down at work and crack jokes? i don't think so. abby stares at her phone for a long moment before texting again. no, he's not coming. we broke up.

he broke up with you after your mom died?

forget cracking jokes, we'll track him down at work and break his leg.

thank you for the offer, i think? but i was the one that broke up with him.

why?

was the sex that bad?

because i'm going to europe and i don't know when i'm coming back?

gross, sal. abby, if this kid was really into you, he would have waited.

don't listen to tommy, abby, he's still half-hung up on this girl that dumped him ten years ago.

sal!

sal!

abby gets a solo text almost immediately from tommy, promising to dunk sal's head in the nearest toilet the next time they're in the same place. she laughs to herself, startling when the announcement for her flight comes crackling out of the overhead speakers.

that's my cue, gents. sal, just because you and gina wish tommy would move in doesn't mean you have to project that feeling onto us.

he's just so much better at folding laundry than sal ever is - gina

i'm not running away, we got a call. but i'm really embarrassed to know all three of you.

[savannagonemad]

shelter in your arms

~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~

fluff ✨

kang sae-byeok x fem!reader

wordcount: 3.3k

author's note: my first post! i hope you like it! i had this idea a day or so ago and i think it all came together pretty well 💚 also this ended up being a lottt longer than i intended but i got kinda invested lol oops. not really proofread so sorry if there's mistakes!!

~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~

you had finally convinced sae-byeok to go on a camping trip with you. you weren't even sure where the idea came from, yourself - you've never been too interested in camping to begin with. the more you thought about it, though, the better of an idea it seemed like to you.

your lives had been stressful, to say the least. you had gotten evicted from your apartment and had to move in with sae-byeok or else you'd be homeless. she was skeptical at first, but you've known her long enough that she got used to it pretty quickly. the pressure of this, combined with the general crazyness of life, had been wearing you out, and you could tell it was dragging on sae-byeok as well, though she tried to hide it.

when you had first brought up the idea, she was surprised, to say the least.

"y/n, do you even own camping gear?" she said, not even looking up from her phone.

"do you really think i would suggest this if i didn't have the stuff for it?" you huffed, crossing your arms.

"knowing you, kind of," she said, glancing up at you for a moment.

"hey!" you said, pretending to be offended.

she didn't say anything in return, though you could see a slight smirk on her face.

over the next few days, you kept bringing it up and trying to convince her that it was a good idea, but she wasn't having it. eventually though, after a lot of convincing (and a fair share of whining at her), she agreed to go.

"fine," she said, looking up at you from where she was reading on the couch.

"really?" you said, surprised. you were beginning to think about giving up on the idea.

"something tells me you won't stop bothering me about it until i say yes," she said, setting her book off to the side. "and besides, it's just getting colder out, and i don't want to do it while it's freezing outside."

for the next few days, the two of you planned out where you would go. you settled on a two-day trip over the weekend at a site next to a river. as the day of your trip apprached, you found yourself strangely excited for it. before you knew it, the day arrived, and you and sae-byeok packed your gear and loaded it into the car. sae-byeok insisted on driving, mostly because she didn't trust your driving, especially not with her car.

"i can't believe i let you drag me into this," she said as she pulled out of her parking space.

"come on, it'll be fun! and it'll be nice to get away from... everything, i guess," you said, looking out the window as you begin driving down the road.

"i guess," sae-byeok said, glancing at you in the rearview mirror for a moment. you looked into the mirror at the same time and she quickly looked away, focusing on the road.

the two of you made small talk as you drove to your destination, most of the topics being of little interest to you both. it was more of an excuse to talk to her - something the two of you didn't do much, despite being roommates. occasionally you would catch her glancing at you in the mirror, and she would act like nothing was happening. after a couple more times of this, you got sick of it and decided to confront her.

"why do you keep looking at me?" you asked, fully looking over at her in the driver's seat.

"i need to look in the mirror to drive, y/n," she stated, pretending not to know what you were talking about.

"i didn't know staring at the passenger was part of driving," you contested, drawing a noise of complaint from sae-byeok.

"it's nothing," she said, dismissing the topic.

you huffed but let it go. after all, it's not like you wouldn't have time to talk to her about it later.

after a few silent minutes of driving, you decided to try something. you looked into the mirror directly at sae-byeok and stared her down, waiting to see if you could catch her looking at you again. as you looked at your roommate, you couldn't help notice her facial features that you hadn't paid much attention to before - her freckles, her haircut which was strangely cute despite being very fitting, and her eyes which you swore suddenly were a lot prettier than you remember them being.

"you can stop staring at me now," she said, interrupting your daze. apparently you were looking at her for longer than you thought.

"sorry," you mumbled, looking away as you blushed in mild embarrassment.

you tried not to look at her for the remainder of the drive, but you couldn't help yourself a few times, though fortunately she didn't catch you again.

eventually you both arrived at the campsite entrance and sae-byeok parked the car letting both of you out. the two of you grabbed your gear and sae-byeok locked the car, then you started walking towards the entrance.

"how far is it to where we're going?" sae-byeok asked as you started walking together.

"i think it's about a ten minute walk or so," you said, subconsciously matching her walking pace. "why, are you tired of me already?" you teased, grinning slightly.

"i might be if you keep talking like that," she replied. "i can always leave you here," she said, the joke being a nice break from her usual cold self.

just as you were going to reply, your foot got caught on a branch and you stumbled, tripping and just barely missing landing on sae-byeok. luckily for you, you managed to catch yourself with your hands before faceplanting directly into the ground.

"y/n, are you okay?" sae-byeok asked, barely hidden concern in her voice. she crouched down next to you and helped you up as you avoided looking at her out of complete embarrassment.

you meekly accepted her help and the two of you stood up. you wanted to brush it off and keep walking but sae-byeok grabbed you by the shoulder and didn't let you keep going.

"i'm fine," you said, wanting to move on.

"let me see your hands," sae-byeok said, but you ignored her request. "now," she added, her voice firm but gentle.

you shyly offered your hands to her, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. she grabbed your wrists, looking over your palms closely to make sure you didn't accidentally cut yourself.

"just a few light scratches, luckily," she said, letting your hands go. as soon as your hands were free, you started walking forward again, much to sae-byeok's dismay.

"you're welcome," she chided as she followed after you, quickly matching your pace again.

"i don't want to talk about it. it was just a fall. nothing serious." you kept walking, sae-byeok keeping up with you and staying a little closer than before. she made a noise of complaint as you brushed her off but otherwise dropped the topic.

at least that's what you thought, until you felt her wrap her hand around your wrist protectively.

"what are you doing?" you asked, though not trying to pull away.

"making sure you don't fall again," she stated simply, keeping her eyes trained on the path ahead.

you didn't say anything else, mostly because you didn't know what to say. the physical attention did feel nice, though you definitely weren't going to say that out loud.

the two of you kept walking forward, her gripping your wrist protectively all the while.

"if you wanted to hold my hand, you could just say so..." you mumbled after a few minutes, causing sae-byeok to falter slightly.

"what." she said after briefly composing herself, looking over at you.

"nothing, nevermind," you replied, looking away as her gaze took your sudden confidence away.

you kept walking in silence for another minute before you felt sae-byeok's hand not-so-discreetly slip into yours, her fingers interlocking with yours so she could have a better grip. you glanced at her in surprise and saw a faint blush on her face, and you then locked your own fingers with hers. neither of you spoke a word about it until you subconsciously ran your thumb over the back of her hand.

"don't do that," she said, keeping her hand in yours. you quickly stopped and went back to focusing on walking.

"sorry," you apologized, not getting a response.

you were content enough as it is, even if this was just to make sure you didn't fall over like a bowling pin again. sae-byeok's sudden protectiveness over you was adorable whether she liked it or not, though that's definitely not something you would be admitting to her anytime soon.

finally, after a few more eventless minutes of walking, you got to the place where you would be setting up camp. sae-byeok removed her hand from yours, drawing a sound of complaint from you which she ignored as she began to unpack her stuff. you figured you should do the same and you begin to unpack too.

as you begin to unpack your gear, you looked around at the campsite. admittedly it was a very beautiful place - there were vibrant trees all around you, and you could hear the soft rushing of water from the river nearby. maybe you could get used to this. especially if sae-byeok was with you.

"don't fall into the river," sae-byeok called out as she began setting up her tent nearby.

"shut up," you retorted playfully as you begin setting up your own tent, embracing the whole 'clumsy' thing. apparently it means sae-byeok holds your hand, which is plenty of motivation for you.

after you get your tent arranged, you go over to check on sae-byeok, partially because you want to see how she's setting up her tent so you can make sure you're doing it right yourself.

"pretty nice place, isn't it?" you comment as you walk over. birds chirp in the trees as the soft rustling of the wind creates a surprisingly peaceful environment for being in nature.

"i guess," sae-byeok responds, pausing to look around, though keeping her back to you. "maybe you were right for once."

you pout and go to make a response of your own when the wind suddenly picks up, shaking some leaves off of the trees nearby. you hold your hand up to your eyes to shield yourself from the wind and wait for it to pass.

"told you," you finally manage to respond once the wind dies back down. you turn to finish setting up your tent - after all, it'll be dark soon and you definitely don't want to have to do it by the light of a fire.

your tent is gone.

you quickly walk forward towards where it was, looking down at the ground and hoping it'll magically appear again from wherever it's hiding. it does not. however, you do see the stakes you got out still lying on the ground right where you put them. your heart sinks as you realize you forgot to stake the tent down. the wind must have blown it away. which means...

you trail your eyes to where the wind blew, and you catch sight of your tent which has found a nice new home in the river.

"you cannot be serious," you say to yourself, getting sae-byeok's attention. she gets up and walks over, noticing your sudden lack of a tent.

"y/n, where's your tent?" she asks, coming to a stop beside you. you dejectedly point towards where it's floating away down the river. sae-byeok immediately covers her mouth with her hand and turns away from you, though you can see her shoulders shaking as she tries to conceal her laugh.

"it's not funny!" you say, whining at her. "where am i going to sleep now? in the river?"

sae-byeok gathers herself and turns to you, though there's still a small smirk on her face. "i'm guessing that was your only tent?"

"who brings more than one tent to a camping trip??" you complain, causing sae-byeok to giggle which draws another whine from you.

sae-byeok looks at you, then to the tent which is floating its way down the river like a boat. "do you want to go home?" she asks. she might find this funny but she wants to make sure you're actually alright.

you sigh. "no..." you start, fidgeting with your hands nervously. "we came all this way. i don't want to have dragged you out here for nothing..."

"you can stay in my tent then," she decides, turning back to go finish setting it up. "unless you want to fish yours out of the river."

"really? you don't mind?" you ask, trailing after her. the offer is really nice of her, though you suppose there's not really another choice.

"i'm not going to leave you outside in the cold," she responds coolly. "unless you want to sleep outside."

"no!" you say quickly. "it's just... i don't know. thank you."

"don't mention it. can you start a fire while i finish setting this up? preferably on land," she teases, getting complaints from you, though you do end up making yourself useful and start a fire for the both of you.

as the day turns to night and more banter between the two of you passes over a simple dinner cooked on the fire, it's soon time to turn in for the night, unless you'd like to stay outside and both become mosquito food. you follow sae-byeok into her tent where there's a grand total of one sleeping bag - yours was swept into the river along with the tent, and it's probably halfway to the ocean by now.

"uhh, sae? there's just one sleeping bag here," you observe. "and... one pillow."

"i can see that," she responds, kneeling down to open the sleeping bag.

"so... what are we supposed to do?" you ask. you're not too thrilled with the idea of sleeping without anything to cover you.

"it's big enough, we can share." sae-byeok looks up at you, speaking again before you can ask more questions. "it's either that or you keep us both awake because i just know you'll be shivering all night, your choice."

you fake pout at her while she lies down, scooting over to give you room. "thanks for this," you say as you lie down next to her, leaving a bit a space between you.

"zip it up," sae-byeok says to you, looking on expectantly.

"are you serious? we won't fit," you object. sae-byeok wraps her arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer, zipping up the sleeping bag herself.

"yes we will," she says flatly, trying not to pay attention to how close the two of you are. it's a good thing she wasn't looking at you since you were busy trying to hide a blush yourself.

the two of you laid there for a few minutes, neither of you able to get comfortable due to the cramped space. it didn't help that you kept getting slightly closer to sae-byeok with each passing minute, which is something she very much noticed. she looked over at you, unimpressed, though her face had a bit of amusement on it.

"what are you doing, y/n?" she asked, causing you to freeze still.

"nothing," you replied, hoping that maybe she wouldn't notice that you're suddenly closer to her than you were before. sae-byeok waited in silence, trying to get you to speak more, but you remained silent which drew a huff from her.

"i know what you're doing, so just come here and get it over with," she said, half-teasing. she grinned when she saw you suddenly get flustered and look away. "sorry, but you aren't exactly subtle."

you glared at her for a moment, but obliged and cuddled up next to her. the space situation did not improve, which prompted sae-byeok to speak again. "that's not what i meant. come on, otherwise neither of us will get to sleep tonight."

you slowly turned over and tenatively wrapped an arm around sae-byeok. when she didn't complain, you more confidently rested your head on her chest and lightly held onto her shoulder, your other hand resting at your side.

"comfortable now?" she asked you, her hand gently finding yours as she held your hand again. your heart half-melted and you nodded, which was satisfactory to her. "good. now go to sleep."

you sighed contentedly, cuddling closer against sae-byeok. in response, her free hand went to your hair and she absent-mindedly played with it, which you liked a lot. you let her know this by gently squeezing her hand, causing her to smile slightly.

"thank you," you murmured. you didn't expect tonight to end up like this, but you're more than happy that it did. your train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the feeling of sae-byeok gently kissing the top of your head, causing you to freeze.

"you're welcome," she said simply, not acknowledging what she just did. you tilted your head up to look at her, and she looked down at you in response, neither of you bothering to hide the soft blushes on your faces.

"sae," you started, suddenly feeling anxious. "can... can i kiss you?" you looked away as soon as you said that, not wanting to ruin the moment. "sorry, forget i said that.."

"y/n." sae-byeok squeezed your hand to get your attention, and you sheepishly looked up at her. she nodded at you, giving you butterflies in your stomach.

"really..?" you asked, wanting to make sure she was sure.

"yes, now do it before i change my mind," she said, looking at you expectantly.

she could get you to do anything with that look.

you slowly moved forward and hovered above her, looking down at her while your lips were just inches away from each other's. you stayed like that for a moment too long and sae-byeok got impatient, using the hand that was still playing with your hair to pull you in.

you melt into her as your lips connect, closing your eyes. this felt good. she softly ran her hand through your hair as her grip on your hand tightened. after a few moments, you went to pull away, but sae-byeok pulled you back in by putting her hand on the back of your neck. you were happy to oblige, pressing your mouth back on hers. you forgot about everything besides sae-byeok, your lips moving in sync as you kissed one another. you felt truly safe here, not worrying about the stresses that made you come here in the first place, and definitely not worrying about your tent which was most likely on its way to antarctica. all you could think about was sae-byeok.

after a minute or so, she finally let you go. you pulled away with one last kiss, looking down at her, both of you blushing heavily but not caring. her hand rested on the side of your neck as you looked into each other's eyes.

"i liked that," you said, smiling. "we should do that more often." you settled back down onto her chest after stealing one last kiss before she could respond.

"i wouldn't be opposed," sae-byeok said, playing with your hair once again while rubbing your hand with her thumb. "good night, y/n."

"goodnight, sae-byeok."

nothing but the sound of crickets chirping and the sound of rushing water from the river filled the air as you both happily fell asleep in each other's arms.

~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~

[amanda-519]

Ugh, I wrote like so many paragraphs but I had to put my phone down and when I opened Tumblr again my post was GONE. Not even in drafts so I have to write this AGAIN.

but, yes, I agree with you I'm also a huge Cecil apologist

I can understand completely why Cecil did what he did. Nolan almost took over the PLANET and Mark has the potential to be as strong as Nolan is. Of course the director of the GDA would try and come up with countermeasures!!!

.... But I'm also a Mark apologist. Like, imagine being Mark. Imagine growing up and having Nolan be gentle with you, be kind, be supportive. Mark grew up believing that his dad would never hurt him.

In season 1 when Nolan punched Mark, Mark was surprised. As he's on the ground he sounds like he can't believe his dad would actually hurt him. And later actually admits that he was surprised (and scared) that his dad hurt him.

Mark believed that his dad would never hurt him. That he would never hurt anyone.

After Nolan kills the Immortal in front of him, Mark immediately thinks that his dad is being mind controlled. His dad would never kill anyone. His dad LOVES him, his dad loves his mom.

And Nolan betrayed and broke that trust by killing all of those people, and almost killing Mark.

I feel like Mark kinda saw Cecil as a father figure, in a way. He was an older man in a position of power. He was wiser, more knowledgeable, and powerful.

Cecil was abrasive, stern, and a bit controlling. But I think Mark needed that. Nolan was shady, he could turn off his emotions. He could be at the guardians funeral and call them friends, and then come home and call them coworkers and not seem sad at their deaths.

Mark needed someone he felt like would tell him how it is. And I think he looked at Cecil for that.

Which is why Mark argued to work for him. To be on call. Why he trained with Cecil (like how he trained with his father).

Mark believed that Cecil wasn't like his father, on some level. Cecil worked for the GDA. He worked to PROTECT people.

I don't think that Mark's reaction to Cecil working with Darkwing or Sinclair was entirely because they were murderers, I think it was also because, in Mark's mind, he betrayed him.

Mark believed that Cecil was good, that he wouldn't hurt anyone, that he wouldn't work with bad guys (like how his father is working for the viltrumite empire), that he wouldn't hurt Mark (like how Nolan hurt Mark).

But then Cecil did.

Like imagine being Mark in that situation. Growing up thinking the world of your father, that he's a hero, that he loves you, that he loves your mom.

Only for Nolan to betray Mark so badly.

And then enters Cecil. An older man in a position in power, who has never been anything but nice (if a bit abrasive). (Remember, Mark didn't know Cecil was willing to let the giant tentacle thing kill him along with his dad)

Nolan helped Mark. He put him back on the field, made him feel important.

And then Cecil turned around and worked with murders and hurt him. Just like his dad hurt him.

But I can also understand why Cecil did what he did. I bet Cecil feels responsibility for what Nolan did, that he didn't stop Nolan before, that he didn't put in place countermeasures.

Cecil knew that Nolan was lying when Nolan showed up. But he hoped for the best. He was optimistic (naive) about Nolan. That he would help. And Nolan did, for 20 years. And then Nolan betrayed them. Betrayed him.

There were no countermeasures in place for Nolan. The giant tentacle thing they brought out was something they discovered recently. Even though Cecil knew that Nolan was lying when he showed up on Earth, he didn't try to think of a way to take Nolan down.

And it's not like it would have been hard to find a way, the screeching sound is a weakness. And I bet in 20 years Nolan came across something akin to that. But Cecil wasn't looking, he probably didn't pay attention to it.

And I bet that thought keeps him up. The fact that Cecil knew Nolan was lying and yet didn't try harder to think of a way to put Nolan down.

Nolan betrayed both Cecil and Mark, and that betrayal hurt both of them deeply.

I think both Cecil and Mark both, on a subconscious level, saw each other as a "do-over" for Nolan.

For Cecil, he saw Mark as a fresh viltrumite (like how Nolan was a fresh viltrumite when he first came to earth). Except this time Cecil is going to keep Mark on a shorter leash. He's going to put in countermeasures from day one (Cecil put the chip in Mark's brain right after Mark finished fighting his dad).

Cecil felt so out of control with Nolan that he wasn't willing to do the same with Mark.

I think Cecil pulled out the switch so fast because Cecil didn't like the idea of losing even the smallest bit of control of Mark. He was scared, sure, but he was also scared that if he didn't act now, that if he didn't get Mark back into control now, that this would be another Nolan situation.

For Mark, he saw Cecil as an older man he could trust. That was like his father in some ways (powerful, more experienced) but different in others (abrasive, says what he wants).

So when Cecil turned out to be working with murders Mark freaked out because he felt like Cecil broke his trust (like how his father broke his trust).

In conclusion, I can understand why both of them did what they did, lol.

ngl I’m a Cecil apologist

S3 SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

like I mean come ON he tried so many times to get Mark to chill and talk and at least respect what Cecil was trying to do. Like no a nineteen year old doesn’t get to single-handedly determine moral high ground just because he’s superboy.

Mark needs to be able to have huge unconquerable disagreements without resorting to violence. Or menace and the fact he can’t check how scary being flown after is to Cecil is giving those six right men who don’t realize yelling at women is INSANELY scary to them for systematic reasons.

the fact nobody in marks life except maybe his mom can go “Mark stfu and sit down we need to talk like adults” without having to FRY HIS BRAIN is scary. Cecil’s job is to keep the world safe. Mark just made it very clear he’s willing to exploit his supernatural abilities when he has a conflict of opinion. That’s not good. What if Mark, like naive young adults do, discovers political extremism? Or idfk, Vilrtumite ideology. Who saves earth when its protector disagrees with the people he’s trying to protect? Who keeps the invincible in check?

[bubbarnes]

from mila13la' instagram - december 09, 2024

[cinderflower]

Hey! I love your works, thanks for sharing them! Your stuff is some of my favorites in the fandom!

I just wanted to ask your opinion on how Malenia and Miquella (from FoR and your characterization of them specifically) would view Millicent. How do you think they'd interact with her? Would they avoid her? What would that mean for their own relationship? Etc etc.

Just asking because I think your take on Malenia and Miquella is so interesting to play around with.

Thanks! Your stuff is awesome!!

Wah, anon this is such a sweet message, I'm always humbled to hear people like my works and my characterizations! Thank you so much 🥺💕

I'm so sorry this is so long but as I'm sure you can imagine, I have Many Thoughts about Malenia lol.

I've actually thought quite a lot about Millicent and her sisters and I think, first and foremost, that she doesn't know about them at all. I think after her bloom and being carried back to the roots of the Haligtree that she's basically been in a pseudo-coma as the rot progresses now that she's needle-less, so she might know about the kindred of rot but not Millicent or her sisters.

With Malenia, I really focus on her lack of autonomy as a character throughout the most formative years of her life and the trauma that undoubtedly came with it, where she is burdened with the rot which would have effectively ostracized her from most people except Miquella (because of his immunity to the rot). This is also in addition to her being named as an Empyrean and already having her fate decided for her. So the nature by which Millicent and her sisters came to be, after her bloom and presumably like offshoots or cuttings from plants, they'd be another blow against her autonomy because she didn't have a say in their creation (implied by Gowry raising them and her rejection of the kindred of rot).

Specifically with Millicent, I imagine Malenia would see a lot of herself in her, and I think she would harbor a deep resentment because of that - not because she'd dislike Millicent, but because Millicent would be a reflection of her younger self. Someone who is spawned from her, consequently cursed BY her, to suffer the same hardships. Millicent is the same as younger Malenia, which consequently forces Malenia into the role of the Outer Rot God in their dynamic - unwittingly having taken on the role of the thing she hates. If Malenia had embraced the rot like Romina, I think it would be different, but every time she accepts it, it's when she's at the end of her rope with no choices left and she's essentially resigned herself to death.

This might sound harsh, but it's also why I love her as a character - I believe Malenia is ultimately deeply selfish in her actions where Miquella is concerned (and vice versa ignoring all the DLC). She's sworn herself to his cause, has proven herself willing to die for him, to go to war for him, to commit countless atrocities in his name and inflict the very thing she despises - the curse that has caused her so much misery - on countless others. For him. But! In a twisted way, it's also for herself! Because for once, this is HER choice. She decided to take on the title of his blade and devote herself to him. No matter the ask, no matter the cost.

Miquella, who knows Malenia better than anyone and has been by her side throughout the worst of it, knows all of this. I believe he would be sympathetic to Millicent and her sisters (also seeing a younger Malenia in them) but I suspect that while he would also try to help them in secret, he'd be (selfishly) keeping them away from Malenia so that she wouldn't have to deal with all the trauma I mentioned above. He might feel some guilt about it, but with how I write him in FoR, he's always willing to harbor some secrets if he believes it's in Malenia's best interest. He wants to save her, to give her back the life she's been denied - a life free of her rot and any burdens. And that would mean a life without five magically spawned new dependents whose existence would be inflicting constant psychic damage on Malenia and that she'd feel responsible for.

In a timeline where the twins are far less codependent, and where they're not both so focused on Miquella's ambitions to cure Malenia of her rot and revolutionize the world, maybe Malenia is able to take the time to heal and make peace with herself. In that timeline, maybe Millicent would serve to be a positive and healing influence on her.

[lunarruled]

She had the feeling that her question might catch him off guard, but it was something that Kyleigh had noticed more than once. And not from their little group, but from the others that lived in Alexandria. The quick glances whenever she would walk up the front steps, the whispers as she would come out of the front door hours later. True it was no one's business what two grown ass adults did, even in the end of the world. But the last thing she would want is to be an embarrassment to Daryl. Not that he was the type to give a shit what anyone thought of him, but she had already heard some of the things they said about him and didn't want to make it worse.

Without realizing it Kyleigh had actually stopped eating as she waited for him to answer. Never in her life had she cared so much what someone else wanted, their comfort level and how happy she could make than she did with this man. And as much as that terrified her the high she got from it made it all worth it. Just to see him smile when they were alone, to hear his cute laugh, to be close to him while he slept and make sure he was safe. She was blossoming into her role as his mate and just wanted to make it the best thing she had ever done in her life. Of course she would respect it if he told her maybe they should cool it off. It would break her heart, but as long as he was happy she could live. Carol and Rosita were already teasing her about her visits and what it was the two of them could possibly be doing and that was fine. But if anyone else said a single word she would have no problem ripping them apart late one night.

The second Daryl said that he didn't care Kyleigh's entire body relaxed, her heart started to beat once more and she let out a sigh of relief. And also a soft giggle at the fact that anyone had the balls to dare talk about a Dixon in some way. That did also make her wonder what Daryl's older brother that she had heard about would have thought of her, but now was not the time to drag that up.

"Oh not at all. I mean I don't think anyone's ever gossiped about me, even in the before days. Well they used to think my Aunt was a witch that never aged but that's not the point. No I'm with you on that Dar. If they want to talk then good, let them. It does get kind of boring around here so I can't blame them. I just didn't want it to bother you. I like the idea of people thinking we're together because I like being with you. When we were in the cabin, when we go on runs together, or like what we're doing right now. It's nice. Feels normal you know?"

"It was pretty snug there," he joked back with her, a small chuckle escaping him through his next bite.

He remembered how awkward he'd felt cuddled next to her, arms around her like a protective shell, trying his best to actually sleep - which he did not. But it had been worth it just to be near her. So much so that he'd forgotten what discomfort he'd felt and practically melted into her side. Daryl would fully admit (to himself at least) that he would have slept in that tiny bed every night, unease and all, if it meant he and Ky could always be together.

Her question caught a bit off guard however. Even though he wanted to move forward with them, and he hadn't really wanted outside interference, he surprisingly hadn't thought about other catching the obvious signs that they'd become a couple. "You coming 'round? Nah," he freely admitted with a gentle smirk, knowing full well that's not what she meant.

Daryl picked through his food a moment longer, pondering not if he'd be affected, but how. "Let 'em talk," he finally decided, taking a bite. "The Dixons have plenty'a practice being gossiped 'bout. N'if anybody's got anything ta say, I'll remind 'em ta mind their own business. How 'bout you? Would it bother ya f'people though' we were tagether?"

[disdaidal]

The way I'm still not finished with writing the first two ideas I had in mind for this ship, I'm suddenly getting two more. 🙈🙊 Could somebody please arrange it so that I'd have all the time in the world to write it all? Because 24hrs a day is simply not enough.

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[lxnarphase]

━━ ❝ sweet, sticky, thick, and pretty ❞

☾₊‧⁺...synopsis : toji wants to give you another baby

☾₊‧⁺...cw : toji fushiguro x fem!reader, smut, penetrative sex, pre-established relationship, overstimulation, unprotected sex, breeding kink, dirty talk, rough sex, begging, smug and cocky reader, feral toji

☾₊‧⁺...a/n : this is a post from my old blog but i revamped it and i really wanted to share this again because i was really proud of it. and yes, it's another breeding kink + pregnant kink. consider it a part two, since it takes place after megumi is born

toji never thought he’d get off on the idea of having another kid with you.

yet here he is, dick hard in his sweatpants as he thinks about you carrying his baby again...how you'd start to fill out all over again, that cute chubbiness coming back, how he'd have an excuse to dote on you whenever you complained about the simplest of things.

it starts off with how he sees you coo over megumi, calling him your sweet baby. you're such a good mother, too, it's clear you'd likely be the favorite parent to that little brat.

but god, does he find it attractive just seeing you be a mom to the kid that he gave you.

the day you ask megumi what he wants for his upcoming 4th birthday at dinner, neither one of you is prepared for the words that come out of your son's mouth.

“i want a baby sister,” he states bluntly as he chews on the steamed carrots, looking at you and toji. it was clear from how confident the little guy is that he's put a lot of thought into this.

“but, i don’t want her to look like daddy. he’s ugly, i want her to look like mommy.”

little brat. you straight up choke, trying to stop the laugh-coughs as toji looks at his son, offended. this really is his son, because who else but you and the kid he made with you could have the nerve to say shit like that to him?

“twerp, you look just like me, you realize that, right?”

megumi huffs, looking at his dad in the cutest little glare. “that’s 'cause i'm a boy, though," he explains as if it's obvious, his precious little cheeks puffed up as he stuffs more of his food in his mouth.

"my sister has to be like mommy. you’d be an ugly girl, daddy.” toji just rolls his eyes, pinching the cheeks of the mini him, ignoring his protests. as the two bicker, you think. would it...really be that bad to have another baby? you always wanted a girl, after all, and toji took such good care of you and megumi...it couldn't be that bad. “well, uhm,” you begin, catching the attention of toji, an unfamiliar smile on your face.

there's a mischievous look on your face right now, his eyes narrowing as he waits for your response. whatever you're about to say is either going to haunt him for the next few days or make him roll his eyes at you.

“i'm sure daddy and i can work something out for you, 'gumi, but let’s think of some other things, too, m'kay?” 

ah.

you went the haunting route.

ignoring the little cheer his son let out, toji can't hide the disbelieving look that crosses his face when he processes what you just said.

'daddy'?

you've said the word, sure, usually when you talk to megumi about him. but something was different about how you said it, the way you looked at him when you said it, the barely visible flutter of your eyes...a silent promise there'd definitely be a deeper conversation about it later.

the very day megumi has a sleepover with the neighbor's kid, yuuji, toji is mentally cheering. he loves his son with all his heart, he truly does, but having a toddler in bed meant limited contact with his pretty wife.

it's only been 3 days since that little comment you made and it's been on toji's mind constantly. every time he tried to bring it up with you, megumi would interrupt and toji was not being the reason his son ended up traumatized because he overheard mommy and daddy talking about making babies in the kitchen.

"bye, gumi! make sure you behave for mr. nanami, okay? have fun with yuuji," you coo as you press two kisses to your son's cheeks, snapping toji back to the present.

"see ya, kid, be good," toji says, giving a nod of acknowledgement to nanami. megumi barely says goodbye before he runs after yuuji to the car, his run a bit awkward because of his overnight backpack.

waving goodbye to nanami, you shut the door, turning to look at toji with that smile as you.

"hi, toj."

you think you're so cute, don't you?

"hey, mama."

toji can't even lie, you are. wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants? yeah, your the cutest thing he's ever laid eyes one. his hands rest on your hips, pulling you flush to his chest. fuck, you weren't even doing anything but he could already feel himself getting hard just from looking at you.

he's never been so whipped in his life.

"d'you wanna talk," you murmur lowly, your finger running over the thin silver chain on his neck. "we could go to the bedroom...and talk about the baby thing."

toji's eyes darken at the suggestion, knowing exactly what would happen the moment you both go into the bedroom. "yeah. think it's 'bout time we talked about it," he hums as he grips your wrist, tugging you to your room.

as soon you both step foot into the bedroom, toji hungrily presses your lips against his, letting out a deep groan. "had me thinkin' about knockin' you up again all fuckin' week, mama," toji sighs against your lips, tongue running over your lower lip.

"wanted to stuff you full so fucking bad."

feeling you sigh so prettily into the kiss, his doesn't hesitate to shove his tongue in your mouth, hands busying themselves as they push your (his) sweats down off your hips before guiding you back to the bed.

you knew he would get excited over your comment, but you didn't think it would be to the point where he was rutting into you as he practically devoured you, feeling your back hit the bed.

“you want to give our 'gumi a sister? wanna be a mommy again," he questions, breaking the kiss to press his forehead against yours. one of his hands slithers up under the oversized t-shirt to cup one of your tits and roughly knead it, his thumb just barely grazing over your nipple.

"wanna have another kid with big, bad toji? tsk, poor cunt missed gettin' stuffed full of cum?" 

you just hum a little breathless. your hand comes up to cup his cheek, looking from his lips back up to his eyes. he's so handsome when he's over you like this, his chain dangling right in your face.

“maaaaybe. megumi just made me think about it, 's all. you've been a good dad t' him, how could i not want to give you another one,” you coo, guiding him closer so you can press a kiss against the scar on his lip. 

“besides…”

toji grunts when he feels your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him flush against you so you can feel the thick, heaviness of his arousal through his sweatpants.

“don’t you want me to make you a daddy again, toji? c'mon, knock me up, big guy.”

after those words leave your pretty little mouth, toji is on you as he realizes that you're 100% going to give him the worse breeding kink ever.

"'m gonna fuckin' ruin you," he growls into your ear. you aren't given a second to protest before he's ripped your panties off, complaints falling on deaf ears. the tips of his fingers gently run over your puffy pussy lips, your slick wetness coating his fingers.

"fuck, mama, you're soaked already." his eyes are focused on your face as you squirm and whimper when he swirls little circles into your clit, an evil smirk on his face. "can't wait to fill you up 'til you're dripping with my cum, doll."

you can't stop your hips from trying to grind into his hand, eyes rolling back when he teased your entrance. "toji, c'mon, baby, i need you s'bad."

"baby, you know you can't take me without prep," he coos at you. he can feel how hot and slick you are, finally, finally slipping two of his fingers inside your cunt. and oh, the way you arch your back a little bit with a pleading whine of his name is so, so pretty, you're so fucking cute.

"mmn, maybe y'don't need prep, you just sucked my fingers right in," he says huskily before pressing a little kiss to the corner of your mouth. "you wanna try, mama? wanna see if you can fit my cock in you? really gonna feel that stretch, though, babe," toji warns, knowing you can't give a sensible answer when he starts pumping his fingers in and out.

when it seems like your about to answer him, the only thing that escapes your mouth is a shaky moan, his thick fingers curling to hit just the right spot inside of you that has you gushing. unable to form words, you tug on his shirt and nod frantically, just wanting to feel toji stuffing you full.

"yeah? you wanna try?" toiji pulls his fingers out of you, chuckling when you whine at the sudden feeling of emptiness. he pops his fingers in his mouth, cock throbbing at the addictive taste of your cunt on his tongue. "c'mon, we're both wearing too much, let's get you outta that shirt, ma."

you waste no time throwing the shirt off, not even giving him the chance to undress you. but once your shirt is off, you're practically ripping off his stupid black t-shirt that made his pecs look fucking delicious and those damn sweatpants and boxers that hid your prize.

as you fuss over his boxers, toji takes a moment to look at you spread out on the bed before him. you still had a bit of chub on you, tummy nice and soft and cute, just how he likes it. if he knew where his phone was, he'd take a picture of you right now; frustrated, horny, naked, and pretty. all for him.

"tojiiii, stop staring and kick off your stupid boxers, you're getting on my nerves!"

you can't even look him in the eye as you say that because you're too busy staring right at his cock, a thick bead of precum formed at the tip. the lick of your lips told him everything he needed to know, but he wasn't fucking your mouth, not tonight at least.

"what? i can't look at my own wife," he asks with a raised eyebrow, biting back a laugh when you swat at his hand that pinches one your puffy nipple. "tch, so rude, doll."

before you can snap back at him, he brushes the swollen head of his cock against your slick folds, smearing your wet over the tip. that shuts you up quickly and toji has to hold back another laugh. always so fussy until he finally gives you what you want. he's spoiled you rotten.

"toji," comes a soft whine, so soft he nearly misses it. your eyes are focused between your legs, lower lips between your teeth as he teases you with his cockhead. you huff, pushing your hand against his chest to give you enough space to shift positions, knowing exactly what would get him to stop teasing you.

once you roll over, you shift so that you're face down, ass up, you hand slipping between your thighs to spread your sticky pussy open, slick dripping down your fingers. "tojiiii, please? please, baby, stop teasing an' put a baby in me...please, hubby, give your wife what she wants."

any other whines or begs are interrupted when his hand comes down hard on your ass. he was going to give you what you wanted, what you both wanted. he was going to fuck you, fill you up with all his cum and whatever leaked out? he’d make sure to push it back in, whether with his fingers, mouth, or tip of his dick. 

when he finally pushes into you, he just lets out the most wrecked groan you’ve heard from him yet, each inch sinking into you stretching those tight walls just a bit more.

"holy shit...fuuck me, baby, too fucking tight, you're strangling my cock," he hisses, fingers digging into the fat of your hips as he gave you inch after inch.

god, just the thought of fucking you not just to feel good, but to fill you up, get you to take his seed deep inside to give him another kid? it's fucking with his head, his wife was gonna be the death of him.

both of you moan once he's all the way inside. you feel so full, his cock is too fucking big it doesn't make any sense and you genuinely think you should've let him fully prep you...but shifting your hips just a little bit has his tip pressing against something sinful. you whine and reach back to grab at one of his hands on your waist, turning to shoot him a mean glare as you demand, “stop stalling n’ knock me up, toji." 

who is he to deny what his wife asks?

using a hand to steady himself on the headboard, his hips begin to move slowly, pulling out just an inch and pushing forward again. "so tight 'n' warm..." each thrust hits deeper and more powerful than the last as toji begins to pick up speed, the thickness of his cock hitting every deep part of you.

it's almost too much, but you don't want him to stop, especially not when toji started running his mouth.

“shit, look at you, baby…takin’ it like a champ.”

now you really wish you stayed on your back, then at least you could've slapped a hand over his mouth to shut him up. you drop your head down against the mattress with a moan, starting to move your hips to match his thrusts, the room filling with the sound of skin slapping on skin.

“fuuck, c'mon, throw that ass back on me, thaaaat’s it, good girl.” 

he starts pounding into you harder when he feels you tightening up on him. the sweet moans and adorable words of “gimme more,” “baby, please,” or “s’ too good, toj,’” only pushing him to get even deeper, to get you to cum so he could stuff you full.

he coos when he sees you starting to scramble up further on the bed, away from his relentless fucking. he knows that he found that sweet spot that would have you creaming in minutes.

"tsk, you just never fuckin' learn, huh? 's always gonna be too much for you, isn't it," he huffs as his hand finds its way into your hair, tugging your head back to keep you from moving more. “hey. hey, nonono, don’t run away from it, lemme have it," he coos at you, following you up the mattress.

you never change, always swearing up and down that you wouldn't run from his cock, that you'd be able to take him. you wanted this, you wanted your precious husband to fuck another baby into you, t'give 'gumi a little sister, s’ i’m gonna give it to you.”

toji may sound like he’s still put together, but he’s just thankful you can’t see his face since yours is pressed into the pillows at the top of the bed.

you can’t see how he’s barely holding himself together, trying his hardest not to let himself go too much. the last thing he needs is to cum before you, knowing that while you wouldn’t mind, he’d be annoyed for breaking his streak.

he’s brought back into the present when you manage to turn your head a little, able to look him in the eye, and god, does he love what he sees.

your mouth is open as you moan for him, eyes lidded and focused on only him. he sees the little tears gathered in them, not quite spilling over but the fact that they’re there tells him he’s the one making you feel that good. 

“tuh-toji, ’m gonna cum, gonna cum—!”

"yeah?" hearing you moan so sweetly for him only makes toji smirk, fingers digging into your hips as he helps you meet each thrust. “gonna make a mess f'me already? poor little cunt can't handle gettin' fucked so good? mmn, shit, 's okay, baby. let go for me, mama, cum on daddy’s cock.” 

"t-tojiiiii," you shakily moan, nearly ripping the sheets as you cum suddenly. it was his voice, the way he tried to sound put together but you could hear how desperate he was to feel your pussy clamp down on him and get his cock nice and messy.

toji's deep, guttural moans mix with your cries when he unexpected is pushed over the edge, the way you desperately grinded back against him causing him to swear under his breath as he lost his pace, groaning your name as he emptied into you. it felt so hot, the pulsating warmth of his tip nudging against your cervix paired with his thick cum filling you up dizzying the both of you. 

you expect some kind of snarky comment from toji, trying to catch your breath so you could reply when he said it. but nothing comes (you have to stop yourself from laughing at the pun). you turn to look back, sighing when toji pulls out of you. usually he stayed inside, leaning down to tease you for cumming so fast...but he didn't.

something was wrong and for some reason, you felt like your pussy was in danger.

“toj…?”

he didn’t answer. he probably didn’t even hear you, not with the way he was looking so intensely at the mess between your thighs. the mess he made. toji doesn’t know what comes over him, his hands practically moving on their own as he moves you over onto your back, then moving his hands down to your sensitive hole and spreading. 

the scene in front of him just breaks him. you let out a soft whine, hips gently rolling into his hands. his eyes stay stuck between your legs—sharp and focused—as they watch the thick globs of his hot cum drip out of your hole and down onto the bed sheets.

the groan that leaves him is sinful, and once you make eye contact with him, you realize how fucked you are. he’s hard again, almost making you believe he didn’t cum if it weren’t for the creamy sheen of his cum on his throbbing dick and the hotness of his dripping out of you. before you know it, toji’s climbing over you, making sure your legs get pushed over to his shoulders as he pushes you into a mating press.

yeah.

you're fucked.

you keep making eye contact, and now that he’s so close to you, you see how crazed he looks. his eyes, completely black due to his blown pupils, have an unhinged look in them, and the half smirk on his face only makes you worry about your ability to walk the next day.

“t-toji, if you need a break to calm down, then-oh!” 

he shuts you up by pushing himself inside you, loving how your eyes cross so prettily. he has you now, you can't run away from the overstimulating feeling of him fucking you in this position. and when you feel his hands come up and lock together on your head to really keep you in place, you feel yourself gush all over his cock at the simple display of how strong he was compared to you.

you're so fucked.

all you can do is moan and cry out his name, hands grabbing whatever part of him they could reach. but he doesn't let you break eye contact, keeping you close to his face so he could see every little expression. and fuck, does he like what he sees.

“t-tojiii, t’ deep, t’ deep!”

“wan’ me t’ stop? t’ stop fuckin’ this messy hole?”

“fuck, y-you stop, and I’ll c-choke the shit out of yo-ouh!”

“that’s it, take it, take daddy’s cock, mama, lemme breed you.”

everything about this position is driving both of you crazy.

the closeness has you reeling, the way toji just cannot bring himself to break eye contact, needing to see what he was doing to you.

his thick cock is hitting deep, almost too deep, with the way each thrust of his hips causes the tip to press into the sweet spot inside you every. single. time. 

he has you for the whole day and the whole night, he's going to make sure you're stuffed entirely and doesn't plan on stopping until either you tell him you need a break or until he can't cum anymore. and even then, he doesn't think anything will be able to get him out of your cunt.

but with the way he just moaned into your mouth, thick spurts of more cum coating your insides…and the way he didn’t get soft, instead pressing you even deeper into the mattress as he began to pound into you with a groan of how much he loved your pussy…

you were sure it would be a while until he was done with you.

all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work

[kira-akira]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.