#more than likely itll be monday though

[lilac-melody]

Me reading the tags for my fic update 🥹

[zarvasace]

I worked on this cookbook layout for 11 hours straight today (thanks caffeine you did your job) and I am only like 50% done with it by page count, and we're trying to get it done by Monday.

I mean a bunch of that was setup work like establishing masters and getting mad at paragraph styling, but I still have tables of contents and appendices and the index and all the cross-reference anchors and probably a few revisions because this client will likely want to edit a few things.....

If you hear screaming that's me

[scourgefrontiers]

im having trouble figuring out what i wanna work on today (i start commission work back up on monday so none of that) so im going to ramble until i figure something out <3

i have SOOO many projects and ideas i could be working on tbh. a lot of them, though, are in the development stage (such as a lot of my to-be comic stories), which means i cant..necessarily draw things for them and post said things?? which kind of turns me off from working on them lol. which also sucks bc i do wanna work on them! damn my need for validation

i started working on an older animation meme project that has to do with step (it even has a bit of voice acting in it! fun) and it got me thinking about step again lowkey. and that got me thinking about how i said i might make All my comics a reality sooner rather than later, and thats where im at rn--wanting to start all these projects but not being able to get past development u_u i was gonna do em all bc of adhd but ironically adhd is the thing preventing me from doing them lol

i am excited for my stories!! im excited to start sharing them no matter how slow i may be to do it. i dont feel any pressure to work on anything anymore which is good, but at the same time it does mean things are gonna be a lil slow. like dpgii for example. ive only posted 5 pages of it and im already taking a hiatus lol. i was thinkin about working on it soon however..idk how soon tho

i wanna make more wolves for blessed too but i gotta develop the story a BIT more i think. i have a vague basic story going but i need to put some spice and detail into it now. same thing for one way dream, i have some bits and pieces here and there but i need to get into the nitty gritty of it.

i could theoretically start step or alien love bc their scripts are like..done lol. i started thumbnails for step a while ago and i think i may have for alien love but i cant remember

also i wanna redo my ghosts meme. again. last time i remade it with danny phantom and it kinda flopped lol. but i wanna make it with one way dream this time :) itll have super spoilers in it but thats ok who cares i guess

circling back to not knowing what i wanna do--im having the problem where i have Lots i could be doing but i cant choose. i think thats the issue :/a rahhh rahh. i might just end up working on a comic idk. something in me feels like im not making the right choice in what to work on so thats preventing me from doing anything too lol. like if i choose to work on mirrors then im wrong bc i could be working on another thing, and vice versa. maybe i should just pick whatever feels right to me and just do it until i get tired of it

ok i'll end the ramble post here this got long. stream of consciousness and all that

[blackvail22]

i have to write down what im gonna say to my counselor because i genuinely have to make sure i have all of my thoughts straightened out so i dont blank like i always do

ok

my sister moved out on friday and saturday. it feels easier than last time, but it still doesnt feel right. like, i look at my clock when it's almost 4 and i think "oh, my brother will be home soon" and then it reaches 5 and im like "oh, my sister will be home soon" but they never arrive. its a sad realization every time but... yeah. i hung out with my sister and her friend on friday when my sister started moving. her friends personality is very... big, loud, but she can't help it so i dont mind it. my mood went from reserved -> opening up -> starting to be myself -> shut down. like, i was fine until i jokingly said "you have friends?" to my brother, when i know that he does..., and he said "i have more than you" and then he said that my online friends dont count. which, sure... i dont leave my house to see and hang out with them, but they're still friends; i still hang out with them somehow. idk, it just made me feel like .... idk what the word is.... it was just on the spot, and the way everyone was looking at me.. its like i was scared. not like anxiety-scared, but scared-scared. i dont really know why, though? i mean, actually.... i do have a bf and it kinda felt like they were invalidating that (even though they dont know about it and actually only .... hmm.... a few people know aobut it but i digress) but other than that, i dont really get it? it felt like they thought i was just being overdramatic when i said "they dont really hang out with me though" . ANYWAY yeah, i felt sad after that and like my walls went up too. on saturday i dont remember anything significant happening.. ijust remember i worked that day. i worked sunday too. after work on sunday, i have a lot of time because i had an early shift. i started to clean up all of the clothes i have everywhere. i mean, i guess i did alright, but my room still isnt clean somehow so. oh, also late that night i tried moving my bed into my sisters old room and i couldnt drag it like i could my other mattresses because theres a protector on it, so i got my bed, like, stuck and i slept on the floor of my sisters old room LOL it was kinda nice though. monday my brother got the bed in the room and it was nice. i put my desk in this room too. i dont have many of my things in here. i like how little things r in here. sometimes when i have too much stuff in a space i feel like so.... panicked. idk. i like how empty it feels in here. i might never put the rest of my stuff in here lol. uhh and then tuesday (yesterday) i worked as usual. i was talking with my old coworker though about life n stuff and she mentioned how she was looking for a roommate for when she rents and appartment and i offered to be her roommate so thats something now. i havent told anyone else about it because i feel like my mom and dad would be like pissed off which.... doesnt make a lot of sense to me because im less than 3 weeks away from being 18 and i told her i wouldnt rlly be able to move in until early september because of my surgery but anyway.... it makes me anxious to think aobut anyway because i dont have a license UHHH so ... itll be so hard getting to and from my appts and going to and from work. so thats kinda stresful but yeah that was my week. so much to talk about!!!

i stg me talking abt all of this is going to leave me with 45+ minutes to fill because all of this is like nothing LOLLLl

[namuneulbo]

week eighty-six

i was so busy on sunday so i couldnt post in time. sorry!! ill write and post this now at 1 am on monday. it was a good sunday though, cute person at the till but i got so flustered i forgot to look at their last name when i ided them so i just know his first name and middle name loool. went to the bar after work w c, l and s. we then went for food and ate in the school cafeteria. a cute security guard came after a while and asking for us to show our keys to prove we could be there lol.

ive been listening to loooots of saosin. im so in love w their stuff. so the sotw is obvious hehe.

okay now ill go through the week in order lol.

monday i dont really remember. just work.

i had a shorter shift on tuesday, only four hours! afterwards i met up w e and e and we walked around town and then had some food and then went to some shops. it was fun and time went by so fast.

on wednesday i thought id have to rawdog the music quiz and just go alone and hope id find someone ik there to play w BUT c came home just in time so she joined me along w d, e and s. s left before the results and d and e left right after the results. we did HORRIBLY!!! we came like,, 9th ??? out of 14 probably?

s joined us afterwards and m also joined in after a bit. i thought it was a lot of fun but apparently ive now gotten the news that s is... a bit weird. idk, i always thought my friends were kind of,,, making him seem worse than he is but ig im starting to understand what they find so odd ab him and back on wednesday i still enjoyed his company. after talking for a while, m left to go to another table and c and i were left w s. h joined us at one point and omg i was so excited ab it, i think hes so cool and cute and sweet and i kind of fangirled internally. like truly its not like a crush or anything, hes just so sweet and funny so i was so excited to talk to him. THEN..... D JOINED??? idk if ive talked ab him too much on here but basically hes just this bassist dude whos so fucking cool to me and ive never spoken to him and before this i hadnt even sat at the same table as him or stood within the same circle as him. ig this experience was quite humbling though lol i think i made him up to be more talkative and louder than he actually is. nothing bad ab that i just realized ive probably made him way cooler in my mind than he is irl. hes just human lol. hes still cool to me though but i need to mention that its funny that c had literally said to me like “girl, ur hyping him up way too much. hes just a man.” and now i was indeed proved right. he is just a guy lol. its kind of become an inside joke by now though and i like that ive created that correlation to him now so itll always be in the back of esp c and ls minds. i did fangirl a lot when he sat down at our table out of nowhere though and it was so funny bc c kept giving me a look.

d left quite quickly to go to talk to others and after a while me, c, h and ss convo turned into a film bro convo bc apparently all three of them r film bros and i havent seen like,, any movies so they started listing movies from every era and of every genre that i had to watch and it was so funny. after they had been listing stuff for a good 15 minutes they finally said dead poets society and i could finally be like “IVE SEEN THAT ONE”. i then watched interstellar the next day... no reason why i specifically watched that one...

after watching interstellar on thursday, i got so inspired to go learn cornfield chase on piano so i ran to school at 12 am but obviously it was closed. i knew it would be but sometimes the gates might still be open or something so there r loopholes but yeah, not this time. i checked every door lol. i still havent gone to practice it. i practiced a little bit at home on the keyboard but it sounds so bad and its so hard to play, mainly ergonomically.

friday! played sims all day and then went for a drink w t. we then went for a walk and then got some food to end the evening. i love them sm <3

saturday was work again but it was a five hour shift that went by pretty fast and it was such a weird shift lol. theres this guy that comes in every now and then and weve always had this little tension between us, like a pretty obvious romantic tension. i remember all the times hes been at the till while i was working. one time he was also just in the store while i was fixing some shelves, i think i was specifically organizing cat food? anyways, first time, i actually cant remember fully if it was him but im pretty sure?? idk, like i said, i get flustered when i see pretty ppl so i just remember a BIG tension and his hand shaking a bit when holding his card to the card reader. second time he bought cigarettes and i ided him and TURNS OUT ITS A GUY I WENT TO ELEMENTARY W LOLLLL. hes two years older than me and all i remember of him is that he used to show me gore on the computer at the after school thingy we were at. honestly shaped me a lot as a child probably. i wonder if he remembers me from that as well. anyways. he bought food some other time too and i remember just really feeling the tension still. like its sm fun??? like how u can feel that we both find each other so attractive yet no one says anything apart from just smiling and doing like a specific type of eye contact and just like idk... speaking in a certain tone ig??? its sm fun. hes so hotttttt. anyways on saturday he came in twice, once w his friend (who i also know and hes not a great guy sooooooo) and that time his friend was just buying cigarettes but he stayed away for some reason and like fully turned his back to me lol idk what that was ab but then after an hour or so he came in alone to buy some quick meal and the tension was back. i think he mightve genuinely just avoided me the first time bc he didnt want his friend to know??? or am i being totally delusional rn?

later that shift d shows up. THE d. we were both as surpised lol i just looked up from my phone when i heard someone start piling up stuff on the conveyor belt and then i meet eyes w him and his eyes widen just as much as mine and hes like “hi!” and im like “hi!”. we dont say anything else but it was just so funny and i keep smiling lol. hes so iconic to me. maybe a little hot too but like mostly iconic. i think. he is QUITE hot though... like to be fucking fair....

THEN omg. this was so fucking funny and i laughed ab it for the rest of my shift. this guy came in to buy alcohol and he was young so he showed id before i even got to asking him for it and his name is literally the same as w, my crush. FIRST AND LAST NAME WERE THE SAME??? what a fucking coincidence??????? it was so funny and i had to keep myself from bursting out in laughter in front of him it was so fucking weird. i didnt think w had THAT common of a name. like yeah first name sure, one of the more common ones for his age but like first and last name??? woah.

anyways, thats a fucking wrap.

sotw: saosin - racing toward a red light

[spricket-central]

i stopped by the pet store today and nabbed a bigger tank for my adults.

as you can see, its decently larger than their current enclosure (the pink one). i got it so i can fit a better dirt dish in it, as well as to make it more comfortable for a larger population (who knows how much longer itll be til crouton graduates to the adult tank!).

heres the dish i got!

its a reptile dish, like their current one, but larger, and SIGNIFICANTLY deeper!

this was an important detail to me, as i worry that their current dish is a bit too shallow for egg-laying to be as comfortable as it can be. adult female sprickets have such looooong ovipositors, and i doubt bonking the tip of it against the bottom of the dish makes it an appealing place to lay (perhaps a factor in peanuts insistence on occasionally prodding the paper towel with her ovipositor instead of just going to the dish?).

also its a super cute dish, ahaha. i wanna use my 3d pen to make/attach a little "ramp" of sorts to it. obviously sprickets have legs plenty long enough to climb into a dish of this height, but i feel like a little incline might make it a bit more enticing to them than having to pull themselves over that high rim.

i think I'll move them in on monday, because thats my usual tank cleaning day. i hate to disturb them so soon after their last cleaning, but itll be for a good reason! biscuit and peanut will move into the sweet new tank, and crouton can have their old one, which is a tad larger than her current one. everyone wins!

it also means croutons current, smaller tank will be free for any lil future hatchlings (ive still got that one egg incubating), so they dont have to take up the tiny Gay Baby Jail tank i use for temporary holding during tank cleaning.

god i spoil these guys, ahaha. theyre worth it though. i want them to live the most happy, healthy lives i can give them. its the least i can do for the joy they bring me. 💚

[tandytoaster]

Got all these units today

As per each community day, i was out with Quinn and it was v enjoyable and fun. His hair is a deep blue now, it looks good. I wanted a selfie with him but he hates pictures so he said no....... so idk when I’ll ever get another picture with him

We talked about Opportunity a little bit!!! It started with him saying he was “leaving the country next week. Never coming back. Press f” and then he said “speaking of f, did you hear that the mars rover died??” And I was like “YES AND IM SAD” and I told him about Spirit and Curiosity and how in the future they’re totally gonna retrieve them. Quinn made a joke about naming the next one a people name like Bob or Richard. That was a very big highlight of my day. I’ve been having a very very very rough time lately so I’m very very very glad I had a good 4 hours with Quinn.

Every time we do something together he always says he has a good time and that he likes hanging out with me and that he appreciates me driving him around.

[mypeacewithreece]

Good morning :)

Heading to my meeting soon, then picking up Natalie from her sleepover. Then Jared, Jerry, Samantha and I are driving to the outlets in Iowa city to get lunch and go to the Nike store to get track shoes. Both Jerry and Samantha start track on Monday. We'll probably get back late afternoon, then I need to finish cleaning my room and I'll feel like I got enough done on spring break lol

Tomorrow starts the work week again. It's getting harder and harder to go back.

My dad mentioned me trying school again and asked if i need help financially (I don't think I do) i think I might seriously look into it again. I really have no reason not to. I need my work's insurance now more than ever so I can't just quit, but I can take some online classes toward a different career. I have no idea what I want to do honestly. I think taking business classes or computer classes would still be a good idea because of our future. Isnt any other schooling a waste of time and money though?

I love you...I hope your weekend has been/will be relaxing. She's not active on Twitter which is normal when you guys are together. But my brain is filling in the story. Being active in my own life helps, but I feel so far away from you.

Itll be okay right?

It'll be okay.

I love you, I miss you

7:23am 3/20

[notwaitinginthecorner]

THIS IS MY BLOG

I think that... if u dont like me..or my posts u may leave... I think this is Ron's space officially and if u dont like it u can leave. Come back if ur ready for me but dont if u are not.

[mollydollyjournals]

It is Thursday 8th July and I have one day to get myself sorted for this weekend. I dont even wanna say my weight it's so bad 🙃 I definitely have muscle soreness but I feel huge in general so...gonna be a lot of water today and not much food and hopefully I wont feel quite so bad tomorrow.

It's also bugging me that I wont be able to weigh myself on saturday or sunday. I could take my scales with me but 1) the process of transport and finding somewhere even to put them etc could mess them up, and 2) then I'd have to explain why I've brought my scales with me. I already am gonna have to be seen eating normal food at normal times and not doing any exercise so it's not like I can expect any progress. But that's why it's so I infuriating that I weigh so much today. I dont know if itll all go away by tomorrow so I want to at least know if it's going down at all over the weekend. But I'm going to be stuck until Monday.

I have to figure out what to wear. That's one of the big issues. Actually I probably should run some laundry too. Just I dont really have anything that looks nice that I also feel okay in. What I normally do in these situations is wear a onesie and just be the group mascot. I mean if I dont feel cute I might as well wear something cute with novelty value. I know theres a point where I'd be able to wear a onesie over the weekend, hopefully more than once, and I'm guessing they wouldnt mind too much if I did more often... but I dont know for sure and I dont want to be an issue. If I ask they'll say it's fine, because they're nice. But idk if it really is.

So I kinda wanna go to the shops and see if I can find anything to buy. I dont know what though. I dont like going clothes shopping without a precise goal, when I have to have an outfit for something specific. Browsing is great but not if i HAVE to find something to wear in the next 24hrs. I just cant think of anything that wont make me look huge and I'll get self conscious. I always just wear sweats and oversize hoodies and stuff but I think it should be something at least slightly nicer for this.

Ugh idk. I also need to wait for hb to get up and see if he even wants to go to the shops. He might but idk and I really dont have the energy to deal with public transport if he doesnt. I should see what I have here first anyway. Theres one particular skirt I'm thinking of that I might want to wear but I dont even know where it is, I think hb tidied it away somewhere which means itll never be found unless I scour the entire house and garage etc. Which isnt happening in time. I could make something but that'll also take time I dont really have. I'm nervous.

[ktheist]

for the drabble game; so oc is at a restaurant and hears a couple having an argument at the table beside her. and when she made eye contact with one of them she realised that the man is namjoon, the ex she never got over. perhaps exes to lovers? ive had this idea for a long time and i think itll be interesting to see how the story follows!

it’s him.

you knew at first glance, since the moment you took the seat facing him a few tables away. after all, you’d be disappointed in yourself if you couldn’t recognize the other half of what made the supposed ‘power couple’. you’d always laugh at that name - it started out as a joke in your circle of friends and eventually spread far and wide.

it was because namjoon was the top student in his class and you were the student council president. the underlying humor in it was that while namjoon was exceptionally good at studying, you were the opposite - excellent social skills (which was what made you land the president post), can work well under pressure but failing in terms of grades.

“you’re perfect for each other!” jungkook - that little shit of a junior, you hope he’s doing well wherever he is now - had declared with barely contained laughter when namjoon looked like he was a second away from banging his head against the desk in the student council room as he tutored you. that was something coming from someone with patience higher than half of the people you’ve ever known and you’ve known and worked with a lot of people since becoming president.

in the end, you passed - got better grades than you expected and retired as president without any regrets.

so when you see him five years later while you’re having dinner with your colleagues and he seems to be on a date with the woman whose back is on you, you don’t exactly know what to do or say except pretend like you don’t know him.

the woman’s voice is getting higher with each sentence. and you’re not the only one who noticed.

“couples who make a scene are the worst.” eunbi grumbles - you chalk it up with the fact that she’s had a particularly bad day at work what with the director pressuring her to finish three reports all within this week.

‘everyone has their bad days,’ is what you’re about to say out of pure reflex but it’s in that moment that your eyes meet namjoon’s. he still has that effect on you - the heart skipping, breath hitching kind. from the way his eyes widen slightly at the sight of you, you know he’s not pretending to have only spotted you. it’s genuine, unbridled surprise. whether good or bad, you don’t know.

you’re not sure what to do - should you wave? mouth a friendly ‘hi’? or just shoot a smile? either way none of them suit your situation - you don’t deserve an ounce of his attention after pulling the biggest dick move, packed your things while he was away on a seminar and letting him know it was over when he came back to an empty home and emptier bedroom two days later.

the woman’s voice - it’s full out screaming now - catches his attention. it happens within less than one minute, heated exclamation of ‘you never listen!’ her standing up with her handbag hoisted over her arm before storming out of the restaurant.

namjoon doesn’t go after her immediately - you knew he wouldn’t leave without apologizing to the server and bowing to the staff as along the way.

x

the second time you see him is about over a month later at the same restaurant. it’s been a tough day - your manager is pressuring your team for at least three new designs so the client could choose which one they like better and they need to get done by this monday so you only have five days from now.

a shadow had towered over the table while you were looking through the menu and you thought it was the waiter.

“hey,” he shoots you that signature dimpled smile, so free of hatred or resentment - you don’t deserve it. “mind if i sit?”

but the smile falls off his face a heartbeat after he said that - it’s replaced with a sheepish one, probably because he went ahead without considering if you were waiting for someone and he just asked if he could third wheel -

“sure,” you say simply, offering a smile that doesn’t exactly match the familiarity in his.

x

he doesn’t talk about that woman and you don’t ask.

instead, the conversation treads on your present life. he’s currently working at a law firm somewhere in the neighboring city. it’s no secret that he loves his job from the way he talks about it and the stars that glint in his eyes - they’re the same stars you fell in love with. that eagerness to learn new things and help others with the knowledge he gains - he hasn’t changed one bit.

“you know i thought you’d be teacher,” you don’t know how you sit here and regard him so casually but build your walls up so high as if he’s a stranger, “you were always so good at tutoring.”

he must have noticed because the chuckle that tumbles out of his mouth is a little strained and he’s looking down at his plate of spaghetti more times than you can count - the namjoon you knew always looked at people in their eyes when he’s talking to them.

your heart clenches at the thought that he probably regrets joining you for dinner. probably swore not to come here on -

“on thursdays.i came by last week to and the week before last week.” this time, he’s looking right into the windows of your soul and you don’t dare let your thoughts wander to the what-ifs.

and it seems you don’t have to because he’s already confirming the subconscious thoughts swirling in the back of your mind.

“i wanted to see you again.” he nervously rubs the back of his neck as though finally realizing how ridiculous it sounds to be dropping by a restaurant that’s an hour from his place just for a strike of luck - a wishful thinking, that he’d see you again.

he did, but-

“why?” all of a sudden the memories are burning at the back of your eyes, those library dates, his coffee order that you memorized by heart, the impromptu weekend trips - all that ruined because of you, “why would you do something so  uncertain? you don’t even know if i’ll come here again or ever.”

namjoon isn’t one to beat around the bush - he may not find the words to explain his emotions, yes but he’s always been the one to wear his heart on his sleeve. and the answer painstakingly obvious as his brows furrow and his eyes glisten with a sort of fear for the uncertain - just like that time he asked you out all those years ago.

“i just - it’s the only lead i have on you.”

x

note: hahhaha i’M SORRY i had to end it there (and yes, with all the unanswered questions and the tension and the cliff hang) bc cliffhangers are fun to write but not fun to reAD HAHAHAH

request for the 1,111 vibers drabble are still open by the way!

[tylerwritez]

7:45 p.m. Sunday June 20th

Okay well... writing about the entirety of my day is gonna be. Quite the task.

Whatever. I'm dedicated to making this blog A Thing.

Today was Father's Day, so the first thing I did was get up and go downstairs. Gave my dad his presents. He made us pancakes. (I definitely ate too much today... but tommorow is monday so itll be easier to restrict)

We are, watched youtube, then we drove to Wabuman Lake. Idk,, the drive was just that: a typical car ride in which I struggle to find "car friendly" songs, aka songs that everyone will like... aka anything but metal and vocaloid... aka Radiohead, Weezer and Soda Stereo XD

When we got there, we rented a yellow paddleboat, which is this clunky plastic boat that you pedal to move, like some weird water bicycle. It was sunny, and honestly? I've always found being on the water to be calming. After that, we got ice cream (I got Blueberry Cheesecake flavour, my sister R got Cookies N Cream, and my dad got Burgundy Cherry)

I noted that there were at least 2 historical buildings there, along with... I forgot what I was gonna say. Nothing important.

Oh yeah, lots of cool old shiny cars.

We drove back. Got home, exhausted. I cleaned a bit. Idk. Didnt do much until after supper. Since we had fast food for lunch, we only ate a piece of bread and fruit smoothies for supper. We went out, I got a monster XD even tho my parents told me not to...

I got home, took a shower. While I was in the shower my dad got pissed at me for eating some of his chocolate but HE WAS SO SO SO MAD I was thinking to myself he cant be this mad over some choclate but you never know with my parents... they kinda hate me but also dont at the same time it's weird and hard to navigate.

Anwyays when I went downstairs he just. Seemed to have forgotten it ever existed and I mean, if he didnt mention it I wasn't gonna either. I did some homework then "went to sleep" aka went to my room, turned off the light, and pretended to sleep but actually talked to people online

People keep inviting me to hang out with them and I just hope my parents say yes to it all...

My friend Bee on Tuesday, Jay on Wednesday, on Saturday a group picnic...

If they say no to any of this I'll cry /hj

My talk with Jay tonight: I want to fuck him again RIGHT NOW. GET IN MY FUCKINF BED. RIGHT NOWWWW ugh. But also I noticed that since I explained one of my tone tags to him... HE USED ONE IN CONVO WITH ME. And idk. That made me so happy? I dont  know. I like how he proves consistently and constantly that he CARES about being considerate and cares about me.

That's a lot of the letter C but yeah.

And he said at some point that he missed

My body... and my shitty nerd gaming stuff and like. Omg he LIKES MY INTERESTS. I DIDNT BORE HIM TALKING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS AND VIDEO GAMES! SCORE. also he said he'd be down to cuddle without fucking which is. Great too... since I'm touchstarved and well... I call him Daddy. Nuff said.

As for Star... sometimes she just says shit that concerns me like it's nothing and I never know how to respond because I cant help her! I'm not a fucking mental health professional.

... when I told her mY shit she wasnt one either... why do I even try n help. Why dont I just tell her to go to therapy?

I'm angry at her a bit actually. She says shit like "haha just purged" and I'm like.... okay??? What do u want me to say to that.

Or like,,, I NEED TONE TAGS, OKAY??? I DO. this is mainly why I'm mad. She keeps making jokes without /j and I dont register them as jokes.... or maybe they aren't jokes at all and she just says they're jokes cos I get upset.

Sometimes instead of actually telling me how she feels, she uses this emoticon and... I dont understand what shes tryna tell me. And it keeps stressing me out. Idk. I told her look I dont understand it and she said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon" and like...

She tells me all the time no ur not overreacting dont let people tell you that you are and here she is. Telling me I'm overreacting. OUCH. THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME CRY IRL. STOP INVALIDATING MY FEELINGS PLEASE.

It actually  hurt me. Like I'm fr crying right now because. Ouch. How hard is it to just put a fucking "/j" after ur words? How hard is it to... use words and explain how u feel instead of giving me a straight faced emoticon. Its frustrating.

Also she keeps saying shit like "omg ur never horny what's wrong w u omg I'm the only one with a sex drive in this relationship how come u never initiate anything I need to fuck someone maybe *sends pic of model* maybe her" which like. A) is ignoring all the times I DID initiate stuff and B) makes me feel inadequate and like. I dont know. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough.

:/ I cant really be mad at her for my own brain being stupid.

Why am I so stupid? How come I never understand when people are joking? How come I have these weird things I do to feel comfortable? Why do I twitch and flap my wrists? Why is my ability to sleep restricted by the amount of weight on top of me (I need lots of weight)?

Why am I the worst person ever? I'm being 100 percent serious. My brain doesnt work! It doesnt. My emotions are too strong. They fuck everything up. I hate myself. Like, when Star said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon", I started crying. But when Jay said "I always want you to feel comfortable around me", I immediately felt such love toward him and I told him I love you... but I had to say it was as friends. Cos we have a "friends with benefits" thing going on... not even an actual relationship.

Well now I'm sad that he doesnt like me romantically but whatever. Hes too perfect and sweet anywayssss he deserves better than me.

Wait. Where does that leave me?

Alone? Again?

Alone?

ALONE????

Maybe I deserve it... but I actually genuinely cant live like that. I cant. I cant live. Without love. My parents fucked me up like that 🤪

But also I realized that I'm a lot happier in good relationships where people show me they love me and care about me and such.

FUCK JAY JUST TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LIKES ME... even if it's just as a friendship thing.... I appreciate it so much. Hes so fucking sweet it hurts. I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH. he told me, our sex can be rough but our relationship has to be built off trust and respect... LITERALLY FUCK ME RIGHT NOW.

Update we are now officially "best friends forever" but we also kiss and fuck and cuddle okay. That's a thing. I LOVE HIM. it's okay though. I don't know I said yeah let's be bffs then I physcially cringed. It's okay though. I'll be fine. It functions as a sexy romance thing anwyays.

I love him so much. Hes the best. Fucking hell. Hes the kindest person ever.

Also can Star please stop fucking with me. She said she'd stop using the emoticon and I said "thanks" and then she used a weird emoji to react to my thanks because she wanted to "acknowledge that she read my message without liking it".... oh so you dont like it??? What??? I said "okay" and she was like "yikes, you upset?" And I said idk cos I am but whatever and she USED ANOTHER SFUPID DUCKINF EMOTICON THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND WITH THE WORD OKAY OMFG. OMFG. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THAT MEANDS. OH MY GODDDD. I'm angry.

Fucking hell. I just wish... whatever.

If Jay liked me ROMANTICALLY as well...  perfect life.

Whatever.

My parents have fucked me up really badly. I know so. Today I saw a comic where a kid started crying while getting yelled at and their mom HUGGED THEM. Omfg. If I cry when my parents yell at me they just yell more. The best thing I can do is stay quiet. Fucking hell. Fuck. I wish I got hugged. When I was upset.

Its 1:03 am. Fuck all this emotional turmoil I'm SLEEPING. Fuck this. FUCK MY PARENTS, FUCK STAR, FUCK MOVING AND FUCK SCHOOL. And FUCK STAR.

[g0dtier]

honestly i feel so bad for him

these past days ive been out of the house a lot and whenever i get home, despite him being scared of the front door, hes waiting for me and Will Not leave my side

itll et easier though. Ive got my schedule for my carer job and its so nice. basically i care for either seniors or people with mental/physical problems that cant care for themselves and clean up their house and do laundry and stuff.  my schedule is so good in the sense that because its very physical you cant work for more than 2 clients a day so i work from 9am to 2pm every day except friday on which ill work till 12, and i have the weekend off. that gives me 20.5 hours a week which is not enough for me to live on so i also will be working in a contact center where i plan appointments/answer questions for customers of a glasses/hearing company that i dont even attend myself LMAO

so my schedulde will most likely be monday-friday working from 9am to 2pm at the latest and working about 6hours at night over several days at the contact centerfor 26.5 hours a week which i can live off while i ALSO have time to read/learn/cook/practice my hobbies while also having a lot of time for art so my schedule is like...the luckiest anyone could get just out of college

[pbandjesse]

Another day I got so many stupid blisters. This is why I wear sandals all summer because shoes just really jack me up. But I am starting camp on monday and Baltimore is so sweaty all the time and Im not sure on what shoes will be best. So me and James spent some time researching today and got me some hiking shoes he thinks will be good for the terrain. They will be here on tuesday so Im hoping itll just work out well. 

Today was a pretty excellent day even if it was to hot. I slept okay. Falling asleep was really hard again. I just keep getting really hot. The weighted blanket helps me fall asleep but I just wish it was cooler in here. Itll be fine. Just gotta tweak some stuff I guess. I might get us some black out curtains or something. 

I got up around 930. I just didnt want to do anything. I knew we would be leaving around 11. So I just. Laid in bed. I did get up and get dressed eventually. 

I had breakfast. Hung out with James. We made sure our bags were good to go. We waited on Brandon and his girlfriend Winnie. We sat outside on the stoop. My backpack strap decided to break all of a sudden so we had to deal with that. But then friends were there and off we went. 

I kind of realized pretty quickly that I was not wearing the right shoes. I did not wear what is in my picture. I was wearing my new tshirt dress and old brown boots. And while I was comfortable I was also very hot. The dress is dark and the fabric is nice and thick. Itll hold up a long time. But being in direct sunlight was not fun!! But we got down to the BSA and there were so many people. We found more friends. Lots of water and snacks. We walked to the school board building and they read their demands. It was great. There were music performances and while I was very hot, I was also really glad to be there. 

James and Benairen were standing on the steps. Brandon and Winnie were taking videos. I was sitting in the shade. It was a good day. 

Someone was handing out ice pops to the kids around. Someone gave me gatorade. Helped me feel better. I was hot in a different way than the other day. I was way sweatier. So the gatorade helped a lot. 

But after an hour or so I needed to tap out. James let Brandon know and me and him and Benairen were going home and if they needed a place to rest after they were more than welcome. 

Benairen let us know he had a hand cut and we stopped to look at that and I suggested we get him liquid banaid so we decided to take him to our place to get him fixed up. 

We passed a guy who was very confused and gave him some snacks and directions. But soon enough we were home. 

We all kept masks on. I sat in front of a fan. Fixed up wounds. I showed our animal crossing island off. Brandon and Winnie werent long behind us. It was just a very hot day. So we all cooled off. And then once my silly animal crossing tour was over they headed out. 

It was nice to be with friends. Its still so scary but I think things are getting better. Were in phase two now and while its yet to be scene what the 2 weeks after protests are going to look like. At least people are still wearing masks most of the time at those. The cases were mostly seeing right now are from restaurants and the memorial day weekend people. Because of the two week incubation period. Honestly I just keep seeing people still going to the beach and not having masks on and I just want to scream. Like I want to go to the beach too but I will be wearing a mask for the foreseeable future. Though not the mask I wore today. That material just gets hot to fast. I have other ones though so Im good. 

It was nice to be clean and dressed. I put the AC on in the living room and me and James hung out there. We ordered burgers. Looked for shoes online. James's new video game came and now he can play with all his boy friends so Im happy to see him happy. But I started not feeling well. Just very sun tired. 

And now I am just ready to get some rest. 

I hope you are all having a good night. Tomorrow I have lots of work to do. Wish me luck. Love you all. 

[rosepetalmark]

Not in the Stars

2.5k words

Renjun x Reader

warnings: alcohol mention

in which you plan to confess your love for your best friend to him at a party, but the universe has other plans in store for the both of you. 

You like Renjun. A lot. 

That was one sentence in your five years of friendship with Huang Renjun that you never thought you’d say to yourself, let alone admit to. 

You don’t know where these feelings came from, but all you know is that they’re strong and on your mind twenty four seven. Everything he says and does captivates your mind, causing your feelings for him to grow even stronger.

It’s as if these feelings for him suddenly hit you like a brick one day. You were strictly best friends last week, and now you have these unexplainable deep feelings for him, eating you alive and begging for you to confess to him.

It’s not that you’re opposed to dating Renjun, it’s just that he’s been your best friend for several years and he means so incredibly much to you. You just don’t want to risk losing him or making things between you two weird if he doesn’t feel the same. 

So you suppress your feelings. As long as you have Renjun as your best friend, that’s all that matters, right?

Jaemin always makes you second guess yourself, explaining that the dynamic duo that you and Renjun are would be ten times more incredible if you were dating. Since you’re already best friends and know everything about each other, why not date? Only bigger and better things can come from it he always says.

Although Jaemin makes strong points, you’re still scared Renjun will turn you away, mainly because you’re ninety nine percent certain that he only views you as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. 

Yeah you have sleepovers  and spend hours late at night talking on the phone with one another, but that’s what best friends do. If Huang Renjun has any feelings for you, you’re sure someone would have said something by now. 

You get the typical stares from old people when you make your daily trek to school in the morning, him waiting outside your house for you at exactly seven forty two, smiling so bright the second you walk out your front door.  

You constantly get mistaken as his girlfriend whenever you go out together on the weekend, which always causes a deep pink blush to appear on Renjun’s cheeks. He’s always quick to brush it off though, making it clear to everyone around you that you’re strictly best friends, and that neither of you view each other in that way. 

Boy is he wrong.

Everything about Renjun makes your heart flutter, and that’s something that scares you.

For starters, he excels so well in school. For someone who spends eighty percent of his time doodling instead of taking notes, he aces every test and can recite every piece of information that’s been discussed in class with no problem.

He’s caring and funny, and so unapologetically himself. He takes you to art museums on your spare time, talks about the latest conspiracy that’s on his mind, and always insists you go for milkshakes every Sunday night.

And boy was he cute. The way he tilts his head all the way back and crinkles his eyes when he laughs makes your heart absolutely melt.

Huang Renjun makes you happy and positive and there’s nothing more in this world that you want than to hold his hand and kiss him in public, as well as call him your boyfriend so bad. 

It wasn’t until you were out late with him, hanging out on the roof at Jeno’s house, trying to escape the loudness that was coming from inside. Jeno was throwing a kickback to celebrate the beginning of summer, something he does ever year, in which there’s always too many people inside, and you and Renjun find yourself on the roof trying to seek solace in the stars. 

Renjun looked so ethereal in the moonlight. There was nothing more that you wanted to do than press your lips ever so gently against his, and hold his hand while staring up at the stars displayed so brightly above you both in the dark sky. 

“What are you thinking about bubs?” Renjun asked, referring to the nickname he gave you when he found out that’s the name you gave your favourite stuffed rabbit when you were a child. 

God the way his voice sounded in this moment made you weak. The tipsiness you both experienced earlier was wearing off, causing your lack of hydration to become present through your raspy voices. 

But you don’t care. You’re with Renjun, and you are warm and comfortable and in love. 

In love. 

You’re in love with Huang Renjun and you can’t keep it in any longer.

Maybe this would be the best time to tell him. Every time you’re completely sober, you push the idea to the side, trying your best to forget your feelings for him even exist. What if Jun doesn’t feel the same? What if he does but months down the line you figure out you’re better off as friends, and then when you try to get back into your non-romantic routine, everything feels off? You always worry that things will go wrong and Renjun will eventually stop being your friend.

Not tonight though. Renjun looks gorgeous in the moonlight and the little bit of alcohol that remains in your system is acting as your source of encouragement, convincing you to confess to him right now and hope for the best outcome possible. 

“Love,” you reply nonchalantly. 

“Love?” he questions, staring back to you, seemingly surprised with your response. 

“Yeah. Just wondering what the universe has in store for me, you know?” you ask, turning your body to face his direction, criss crossing your legs over one another. “The idea of love both intrigues me and freaks me out. It’s exciting anticipating what will come from it, but the fear of something going wrong down the line makes me not want to pursue it, you know?” you say, staring innocently into his eyes.

He cocks his head, an intrigued look falling on his face. He purses his lips, looking as if he’s going to say something, but remains silent. 

You both remain in silence for the next several minutes, which causes your thoughts to wander. What if Renjun has caught on? Maybe he’s thinking of ways to turn you down gently. Or he’s trying to express that he somehow knows you’re talking about him, and he’s trying to do so in a similar manner. 

But the silence is killing you, and you want nothing more than for Renjun to say something. Anything to get your thoughts to shut up, and your heart race to stop rapidly beating.

“I think you shouldn’t be scared of love,” he finally says. 

Taking a deep breath, he looks off into the sky, admiring the many stars laying millions of miles away from you both. “I get that you never know what may come out of it, but I think it’s worth a shot to know you tried, and to experience something you’re not fully sure is going to work,”  he speaks softly.

“Take a look at the universe for example. It’s so big and undiscovered, yet millions of people are fascinated by it. We’re obsessed with the stars and galaxies and the possibility of aliens- which I know for a fact exist by the way, yet we’re not afraid to spend our time discovering them and giving them our attention. I think of love in a similar manner. Yeah the thought seems so broad and scary, as there’s so many things to experience and discover, but I think it’s worth it. You’re only going to learn new things about yourself and life, so why not give it a shot?”

He clears his throat, and pays his attention back to you. He has a look of determination in his eyes, and that only makes you grow even more anxious.

“Aren’t you a wise expert on love, Mr. Huang,” you chuckle.

“Well what can I say? I do a lot of thinking on my spare time when I’m not bickering with you,” he laughs, positioning himself on his arms so he can get a better view of the night sky.

“Hey!” you shout, pushing onto his arm, causing him to lose his newly comfortable position and to fall on his back. “What are you thinking about Ren? You have this sour look on your face.”

“Well your idea of love got me thinking,” he says softly, staring into your eyes.

Nervousness takes over your body. You have no idea what he’s going to say, and every second of silence is eating you up.

“And?” you say abruptly, eager to know what he’s about to say. 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I don’t know, I never thought much of it because I’m a wimp, but I think I’m going to ask Yeri out” he confesses, a small smile forming on his face. 

The mention of Yeri makes your heart sink. Yeri. He wants to ask out Yeri. Not you. 

Of course he likes Yeri. What isn’t there to like about her? She’s really pretty and polite, and they’re both the editors of the school newspaper, so they spend a great amount of time with each other. 

God this hurt. 

“Oh really,” you respond, with a less enthusiastic tone replacing your prior happy one.

“Yeah. We’ve been getting to know each other a lot more ever since we got asked to do this editorial on the basketball team, and I think I may have feelings for her”

“Well, um I think you should go for it Renjun, “ you reply, looking off into the stars to help keep what’s happening off your mind. If you look into his eyes, you’re certain you’ll start crying.

If it’s not you, you’re glad he has an interest in a girl with a golden heart and personality. 

“You think? What if she doesn’t like me?” he asks nervously, fiddling with the rings on his fingers.

“Like you said Ren, you never know what will come from love. Why not give it a shot if it’ll lead to potentially greater things not only within yourselves, but life in general? And if she ends up only seeing you as a friend, it’s okay. You’ll find someone one day who loves every part of you.”

And you can’t help but know deep down that that person is you. If Yeri rejects him, you’ll be right here to help him pick up the pieces, if not, you’ll still be here. As his best friend. Renjun deserves all the love and happiness the universe has to offer him, and despite being sad he shows no romantic interest in you, you’re glad he finds it in an amazing girl. 

“Alright cool, I guess I’ll ask her out on Monday when we meet up to discuss the paper then.” he says, smiling to himself. 

He looks so happy. Ecstatic even. You haven’t seen him smile this big since he won first place in your school’s art show.

“She’s here you know, at the party,” you say to him. “You should do it now.”

“You think?” he asks, eyes wide. 

Renjun was never one to act on impulse. He’s a man with a plan, and always has to do things by the book or else he’ll lose his hair. He likes structure and time, a complete flip from your bold and impulsive self. 

“Yeah, why not? You’re both here, you look really cute right now, and the stars are out in your favour, shining bright to provide you with the courage to do so.” 

This makes Renjun smile. You’ve always been a help in boosting his confidence, and you’re glad to be of assistance in such a nerve-wracking yet exciting period in his life. 

Standing up, he dusts the possible dirt off his legs. He crouches over, looking into your eyes and grabs your hand. “You’re the best y/n. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“As I with you,” you reply, a soft grin forming from your lips. “Now go downstairs and ask her out before she leaves.”

Standing back up, he begins walking to the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” he half shouts, pressing his hand to the door handle,  and making his way back into the house. 

You’re now left alone, on the rooftop, with just the stars and your thoughts. 

Why didn’t you bring up your feelings to him sooner, you thought. Now you’re only left sad and alone, because you were too scared to tell your best friend you’re in love with him. Confessing to him seemed so perfect in your mind a couple minutes ago, but sadly the universe has other plans in store for you. 

You decide to get comfortable and lie down, and begin to look at the constellations that are possibly present within the night sky. You can still hear the loud, most likely drunk people just a floor below you, and the vibration of the music hitting your body despite being away from the noise. But you don’t care. It’s just you and the sky, and you’re doing everything in your power to forget about the party below you, and to focus on the stars. 

As you point out the orion in the sky, you feel a buzz in your back pocket, indicating that you’ve got a text. Reaching for it, you unlock your phone, and see a notification stating that Renjun messaged you. Pressing on the messages app, you click on his name and read the following:

jun bug: she said yes!! we’re going out on tueday after we’re done editing :) (2:17 AM)

“Yes.” Yeri said yes. 

You’re happy for your best friend, but for yourself, you’re heartbroken. The possibility of dating him is now slim to none, especially since a potential girlfriend is in the mix, only making you more sad for yourself. 

You make sure to reply quick, and in a way that’ll make him happy, and hopefully provide you with the positivity that everything will be okay.

y/n: i’m so happy for you ren <3 (2:18 AM)

As you press send, you feel the tears start to slide down your cheeks. You’re happy for him, you really are, but you can’t help but wish that things went differently, and that you were in Yeri’s position. 

But as Renjun said before, love can be scary. It’s a learning experience, and if it doesn’t work out, you just need to take what you can from it, and hope for the best in the future. 

So you’ll take his words, and you’ll try your best to move on. 

It’ll be tough, but you hope to god that one day he’ll just be your best friend, and that this heartbreak won’t last with you forever. 

[kumkaniudaku]

Our Thing

Happy Valentine’s Day, guys. Here’s one of the two things I plan on writing. I consider all of you my Valentine’s since I never have one, so here’s something before the clock strikes 12. 

Work Count: 2k

Warnings: Not yet proofread

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“What? Of course, it’s a good idea! I’m the king of good ideas!”

Voices bounced off of the walls of the Brooklyn apartment building as Chad and CoCo walked side by side to the apartment at the end of the hallway.

The snow lining the sidewalks outside were typical of mid-February, giving Tasha more of a reason to stay inside on the cold Friday. But her friend insisted she leave the dark cocoon she had created for herself in her apartment just across the water in New Jersey.

Valentine’s Day was the designated time of the year to celebrate love. Chadwick had a reason to celebrate, but CoCo could no longer say the same. After months of turmoil and emotional abuse, she was a single woman again and dreading the mere thought of loving someone else. So, she planned to avoid all mentions of love and relationships for the foreseeable future. Even if that meant neglecting tradition.

“Look, Chad, we can celebrate on the 15th! This feels so...weird.”

“We celebrate Valentine’s Day together every year. We can’t skip out this year.”

“I feel like having a girlfriend is the perfect reason to miss a year,” CoCo deadpanned as they reached their intended destination. She could practically feel the excitement buzzing from the other side of the door in the form of Toni Braxton’s greatest hits so far, and started to feel bad for the woman she’d come face to face with for the first time.

“Why miss a year when we can celebrate together? And you get to meet my lady for the first time. It’ll be fun.”

“Fun my ass,” Tasha mumbled into the thick scarf around her neck, earning a look from Chadwick.

“Wanna share that with the class, Miss Greene?”

“Knock on the damn door!”

A muffled feminine voice announced that she was gearing up to answer the door adding to the uneasiness in the pit of CoCo’s belly. She knew that if she was on the other side of this encounter, seeing a woman with her boyfriend on date night would insight a riot.

When the door opened to reveal the woman she only knew as Jay, she was more than shocked at what met her. Jay was beautiful. Her slim figure came with a few curves to compliment her height. She was graceful beyond compare and impeccably dressed, making Tasha feel incredibly bland in comparison.

“Hi, baby,” Jay sang as she wrapped her arms around Chadwick and went in for a kiss. If Tasha had rolled her eyes any harder, they would’ve fallen from her skull and rolled all the way back to New Jersey to beat her home. Catching wind of another presence, Jay offered a courteous smile.

“Oh, hi! Did he forget to give you a tip downstairs?”

“A tip,” CoCo asked, obviously offended and a bit confused.

“A tip for the cab ride. I know it was hell driving in this snow. Just let me grab my purse.”

Chadwick could see Tasha’s struggle to maintain her composure, her mouth opening and closing with words she couldn’t produce.

“You know what? I’m going home. Call me to let me know you got back to your place safely.”

“No, wait,” he exclaimed before grabbing Tasha’s elbow and pulling her back to her original spot despite her struggle to pull away. Noticing the commotion, Jay turned back to Chadwick and Tasha with her brows quirked in confusion.

“Am I missing something.”

“Nope. I’ll just take my tip and be on my w-”

“Jay, this is my best friend Tasha that I’ve been telling you about. Co, this is Jayme Dubois, my girlfriend.”

A brief and unpleasant stare off preceded a chipper energy shift as Jayme went in for a hug. “CoCo, how are you! I have heard so much about you.”

“Yeah well, don’t believe any of it,” CoCo forced out between fake laughter while she made faces at Chadwick over Jayme’s shoulder.

“I’ll keep that in mind. So, what brings you over? Do you have a date in this complex? I always knew white boy Rick liked Black women.”

“Actually, Muffin, I was thinking she could spend Valentine’s Day with us. It’s been tradition for us to spend the holiday together and we don’t wanna break it.”

“So you want Tasia -”

“It’s Tasha,” CoCo interrupted in the most obnoxious tone she could muster.

“Right...Tasha. You want Tasha to spend Valentine’s Day with us? Tonight? Even though this is a couple’s holiday? Couple as in two, mind you.”

“Yes, Jay. It would really mean a lot to me.”

Jayme looked between a visibly annoyed Tasha and the pleading eyes of her boyfriend before letting go of a long sigh and stepping aside to usher her companions for the night inside.

Tasha took in her surroundings and quietly marveled. Though small because what seemed to be standard in New York, Jayme’s dwelling was equal parts colorful and classic. Had she not started the interaction on such a bad note, Tasha would’ve complimented her on the statement couch that matched her ornate rug, but she kept it to herself out of spite.

“So since we have one more, what are our plans for the night, honey bear?”

Chadwick caught the slight scrunch in CoCo’s face and ignored it to refrain from explaining the embarrassing nickname. “Well, we can still go see Definitely, Maybe like you wanted, but instead of dinner in the park, Tasha got us a reservation at this really nice Italian spot in the city.”

“I called in a favor from work. It was no big deal.”

Jayme disregarded CoCo’s smile as she took a sip from her water bottle and sat on the arm of the chair Chadwick occupied. Her hands rubbed patronizing circles around his shoulders and back, forcing Tasha to look away to save the awkward moment.

“Well, it seems like you too already have this figured out, so I’ll just grab my coat. Do you have any more suggestions, CoCo?”

“Nooope.” Tasha sang the word through gritted teeth forced into a smile. Chadwick gave her a sympathetic look before helping Jayme into her coat and ushering each woman safely out of the building.

Tasha remained the front wheel of the tricycle, preferring to stay in front of the couple to refrain from looking like the unwanted third party. With every audible kiss and nauseatingly affectionate gesture, CoCo felt her heart tighten. It wasn’t seeing Chadwick with another woman that had her fighting back tears in the theatre. She needed the sight to push her feelings for him to the furthest corner of her mind. It was the pain of knowing that she had just detached from one of the worst situations in her life, yet wanted to be with him to cure the loneliness she felt.

If she had it her way, she’d cry it out until the work week resumed on Monday in the comfort of her own home, but continued to engage in the conversation when the moment presented itself to appease Chadwick.

In a restaurant full of couples, Jayme, Chadwick, and Tasha were the only threesome in the center of the establishment. Nervous energy characterized the silence left behind when Chadwick excused himself to the restroom, leaving the women in his life to avoid eye contact.

Relief came in the form of a stout waiter visiting the table to collect dinner orders. Without realizing that the order would be incomplete without the third member of the group, the women ordered traditional dishes and wine for the table.

“And the young man? What will he have?”

“Oh! Ummm, I’m not sure,” Jayme responded as she fumbled through the menu. “Maybe you could come back in a few minutes?”

“He’ll have the Parmigiana w/ Pasta, but please be light on the sauce. He gets heartburn from all the tomatoes.”

The waiter took heed of Tasha’s warning before walking away, leaving Jayme to burn a hole in the top of Tasha’s head while she sorted through emails on her cell phone.

“How long did you say you and Chadwick have been friends?”

“Since Fall 1996. So coming up on 13 years,” Tasha answered, looking up to find an indecipherable look on Jayme’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I just - you know him so well. His favorite candy, where he likes to sit in the theatre, what he eats at certain restaurants. I don’t know if I can keep up.”

The process of finding the right words to assure Jayme, Chadwick returned to the table and unknowingly ended the conversation before it could truly begin.

“Never in my life did I think I’d have to stand in line to use the men’s restroom. I applaud y’all for doing that,” he complained as he took his seat. “Has the waiter come back for orders yet?”

“He did actually. Tasha got you Parmigiana w/ Pasta.” Jayme secretly hoped that Chadwick would reject the choice and ask for a second go at the ordering process. She was met with the complete opposite.

“Hell yeah!” His fist met Tasha’s across the table in his childlike excitement. “I love that shit.”

“Language, honey bear.”

“Sorry, Muffin.”

“Wow,” Tasha whispered to herself, unaware that the others around the table could hear her.

“Did you want to say something, Tasha?”

“Noooope.”

The table fell silent to give way to the idle chatter in the area around them. Chadwick looked between his girlfriend and best friend trying to find a way to get them to interact with each other cordially.

“So, Co, Jayme has been trying to get into basketball lately.”

“Oh really.” Tasha was clearly uninterested as she continued to read emails on her phone from weeks ago. A subtle kick underneath her table made her look up and noticed Chadwick’s non-verbal urging for her to at least pretend to care. “Which team are you interested in, Jayme?”

“I really like the Nets! Trenton Hassell to be exact.”

“Do you? Because he averages less than two points a game. There’s not much to like.”

“Trenton is your friend’s boyfriend right, Jay?”

“Does it matter now? Tasha basically called him a bad player.”

“Not bad, per se. He’s terrible. That’s a better adjective.”

“Oh-kay,” Chadwick interjected to end the escalating conversation. “Jay, how’s work at the fashion house going?”

“Ugh, it is amazing! We got some new pieces last night and they are beautiful. Maybe you could come browse one day, Tasha. Style can always use an update.”

“I consider myself more Maxine than Regine. Thanks though. I’m sure the pieces are nice.”

Tasha successfully contained her laughter at Jayme’s expression, feeling her first surge of happiness for the day.

Chadwick felt helpless as the night continued and each attempt at joining two of his favorite women ended in a snarky comment or shady look. Dinner provided a welcome activity that didn’t require group conversation, giving him the opportunity to cater to each woman. The longer they sat and contemplated grabbing cheesecake inside the restaurant or settling for ice cream on the way home, the more he could feel Jayme disconnecting.

“Muffin, do you want the strawberry cheesecake for here or to go,” he asked as she slid her coat from the back of her chair and collected her purse.

“Actually, I don’t feel so well, honey bear. I’m gonna head home.”

“What? So soon? We didn’t even get to dessert.”

Tasha watched Jayme put on her best “sick” face and gagged internally at Chadwick falling for the charade. Jayme was far from physically sick. If she was feeling anything, it was annoyance at the fact that her boyfriend’s best friend had spent the most romantic night of the year taking the attention from her.

“Well, let me walk you outside and wait for the cab to come.”

“Thank you, honey bear.” Jayme accepted Chadwick’s help into her coat, purposely ignoring Tasha until the last second. “Good night, Tasha. Maybe we’ll see each other for another occasion. Hopefully in a less...crowded environment.”

Tasha released a short chuckle before plastering on a fake smile, “Right. I’ll pencil you into my calendar.”

Jayme offered another fake smile and nod before leading the way out of the restaurant into the Brooklyn streets.

“I’ll pencil you in and the erase that shit. Fuck her.”

Time started to drag as she sat at the table alone, looking more foolish with three plates crowding her space than playing seat warmer for the world’s cutest couple. A glance out of the window gave her access to the tail end of Jayme’s departure. Her inability to peel her eyes away from the private moment showed her two things: Chadwick was far more interested in Jayme than she was in him, and she was clearly upset despite the kiss and hug she provided before disappearing into the backseat of her taxi.

Moments later, Chadwick took the seat directly across from Tasha and sighed.

“Go ahead. Tell me that you told me so.”

“I’m not gonna say that friend,” Tasha smiled. “All I’ll say is you’re gonna need one of these cheesecakes to go because mama is PISSED.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, I know so. But, I’m here to help with gift ideas to make up for this dumbass idea. And I ordered us dessert.”

Chadwick’s ear perked at the sound of a sugar rush to end a night full of terrible decisions. “Did you get the cookie thing with the-”

“The vanilla bean ice cream on top? C’mon now! You know me!” Without hesitation, the pair completed their signature handshake before sitting back in their seats.  “Sorry for ruining your date, Aaron. I’ll pay the tab as a peace offering.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I’ll make it up to her. You know there’s a reason she calls me honey bear.”

“Gross. Please, don’t finish that sentence. And what the fuck is Muffin? Are you a white TV dad now?”

Chadwick’s deep belly laugh at CoCo’s expense continued until their shared dessert was placed between them. Instructing Tasha to pick up her spoon, Chadwick began a pseudo-toast.

“To another Valentine’s Day spend together and many more to come!”

Their spoons clinked together in solidarity before the argument of who would get which portion of the cookie began, ending the most romantic day of the year the only way they knew how: together.

                                  _______________

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