#more self indulgence wooooo

[sillymarieee]

(Reposting bc made small changes)

This was so flustering to draw😵‍💫

Same thing for when I posted that Connor art piece... Simon is part of those fictional characters I find most comforting AND completely head over heels for-

Tried to add more details, with lighting and shading!

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

[ennyxy]

ONE OF THE BIGGEST SELF-INDULGENT THINGS I'VE DONE WOOOOO

For @shadeofsilentfire and my definitely favorite UTY fanfic I've read jwjdjdjfje

I would have definitely done it anyway eventually cuz I did say I wanted to doodle more moments from the fic, but thank you for suggesting I draw this moment specifically, Shade, it's one of my favorites, and you gave me the push I needed to actually finish it hehe

Honestly there's a reason this fic has the most kudos in the UTY tag guys!!!!

[turtlecleric]

Wooooo self-indulgence yayyyyy

bay!raph x fem reader, angst and hurt/comfort, cw: implied past sexual assault, panic attack, dissociation, trigger words, if I need to add more warnings please do let me know (sorry to the people on the tag list, as always feel free to ignore)

---

When Raph pulls you into his room, presses your back against the door, and buries his face in your neck, you can't help but giggle like a fucking teenager. You feel his hot breath against your skin as he speaks, and it makes you shiver, makes your smile widen so much your cheeks hurt.

“Been waitin’ all day to getcha to myself, doll.”

The earnest excitement in his voice makes you melt. Large hands trail up and down your sides, massaging and kneading, and then his lips find yours. You sigh into his kiss, slow and sweet like honey. The barest glide of his tongue across yours, the low rumble in his chest that manages to vibrate your mouth just a bit. It's driving you a little crazy, to be honest. You can't get over the fact that he can get you this worked up just from kissing.

Too soon, he pulls his mouth away and goes back to nuzzling into your neck. His hands tighten on your waist before one comes up to cup your breast over your shirt. You two have only gotten past kissing a couple of times before, so it pulls a loud, surprised squeak out of you.

Raph's other hand comes up quickly to cover your mouth, and your smile slips away as your eyes widen and your heart stutters in your chest. He murmurs into your ear, his breath hot against your skin, but the chill it sends through you this time isn't a good one.

“Shhh, you gotta keep quiet, baby girl. We're-”

No.

His next words are lost on you. There's a roaring static in your mind as sick panic takes over. It blurs your vision, distorts what you're hearing. You can't focus. You can't breathe. You can't move.

You're not there. Raph isn't him. Don't- don't slip back there, don't- no no no no-

Someone is standing over you. You're dizzy. Silent. As still as a statue. You feel their hand lift from your mouth, but you don't react.

Keep quiet. Keep quiet. Keep quiet.

You're aware of your heartbeat jackrabbiting against your ribs. You're aware that the person is talking to you again. You're aware of the barbed wire that's wrapping around your lungs and tightening. Tightening.

Keep quiet.

---

When Raph lifts his head to look at you, he freezes.

Something is… very, very wrong.

Your eyes are glossy, the faraway look causing alarm bells to blare in his head. You're not even blinking. Silent tears start to track down your face, and when he realizes how tense you are under his touch, he pulls away immediately. Raph says your name, tentative and quiet, and when you don't react, that's when he really truly starts to panic.

He says your name again, a little louder. You don't respond. Again. His hand hovers in the air between you, unsure and confused and fuck, what happened? What did he do? What does he do?

Carefully, he tries to take your limp hand in his. The moment he makes contact with your skin, you whimper and jolt back against the door in a full-body flinch. He yanks his hand back and watches in horror as you start to visibly tremble. The sight actually makes him nauseous, has him backing away from you and trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible.

What happened?

Are you… are you actually scared of him? The thought lodges his heart in his throat. Has his chest aching with something like betrayal, but no that… doesn't actually make sense?

“I'm not gonna hurtcha, sweetheart. You know that right?”

You don't respond. God, what has he done?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. You probably didn't want him to touch you like that. He went too far too quickly. You- you probably want him to go and are too scared to say- but he's stuck! You're blocking the door! He can't- he doesn't want to move you so he can leave, but he doesn't want to keep scaring you, but he- but, but no, it still doesn't make sense. If you were actually scared of him, you wouldn't have been- this whole time with- what the fuck is going on?

He's stuck. Well and truly stuck. He can't talk to you, he can't touch you, he can't give you any more space than he already is. He's terrified, terrified, of making things worse.

So he waits.

---

Awareness returns to you slowly, and control returns even slower. It burns when you blink. Your muscles ache, exhaustion weighing you down like chains. It's harder than it should be to raise your hand and wipe at your eyes, to keep yourself standing upright.

You realize all at once what happened, and the mortification of it happening in front of Raphael has you covering your face in hot shame.

Wait. Raph. Where..?

You lift your head from your hands to look around the room. When you spot him, your heart clenches painfully in your chest. He's sitting in the furthest corner of the room, hunched in on himself, his arms circled around his knees and his head ducked low.

Making himself small.

You swallow, trying to shake away the fog in your brain enough to go to him. Your legs feel like jelly, but you manage it without falling. When you kneel and place a hand on his arm, his head jerks up in surprise, and you see that he's been… crying.

He's talking before you can open your mouth, each word a knife between your ribs, each break in his voice taking the knife and twisting.

“I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know that I'm- I guess I just thought- I'm sorry. I went too far, I didn't- I shoulda- I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry-”

“Hey,” you croak, wincing when he flinches at your wrecked voice. “No, Raphie. No. That was… not your fault, okay? It's a me problem. I should've told you- uh. There's just certain things that can…” You sigh, not yet thinking clearly enough to have this conversation.

You mentally kick yourself. You should've told him before it ever became an issue, but. When people find out, they… look at you differently. You wanted to hold onto that normalcy a little longer. Put it off just a little more. But the look in his eyes - confusion, fear, regret - it hurts to see. Hurts to know that this could've been avoided if you'd sucked it up and warned him, told him the things that set you off from the beginning.

You're too tired to think straight. Still shaking. But you know he deserves an explanation.

“Can we… can we just…” Brain fog. Hell man. Focus, come on. Your hand on his arm tightens. “I'm not scared of you. I love you. I love you so, so much. It's not that you- I mean I- I promise I'm going to explain, but right now I…” The tears threaten to spill over again, and the frustration tangles in your chest like so much fishing line. You're fucking this up, you know you are. You really need to sleep. To get to a point where your brain can actually do its job. Are you even making any sense? Is he going to get fed up with you and- no, stop. Stop it. Raph is still staring at you, waiting, waiting. You try again. “I just need some time. Then I can explain. Okay?”

Raph's lips thin, his brows pinching together as he watches your face. He looks like he's in agony as he does so, but he unfurls a bit. Slowly, carefully, he reaches his hand toward your face. It stops just before he makes contact, and the hesitancy, the worry that radiates off of him, compels you to lean forward and press your cheek into his palm. Your tiny smile seems to bolster him, and after a moment he speaks.

“Whatever you need. Anything, okay? Anything.”

You close your eyes, raising a hand to press against the back of his hand cradling your face. He's so… tender. It makes the tears spill over again, makes something snap in your chest like a rubber band pulled too far. Your body flashes hot with embarrassment as you dissolve into ugly, keening sobs, but when you lean toward Raphael he's quick to wrap you in a gentle embrace.

He holds you close, letting you weep into his plastron and hold onto him tightly. He doesn't move a muscle, doesn't shush you, doesn't say anything at all. It's unusual for him, but then you realize. He's still terrified of doing whatever it was that set you off again. The thought has you surging up to wrap your arms around his neck, and he lets you. You try to tell him you love him again. It comes out barely intelligible, but he understands you anyway.

“I love you, too,” he whispers. After a long moment, he continues. “No matter what, okay?��

Your throat feels like it's stuck in a vice. Like you couldn't possibly push past it to speak. Somehow, you do. “Okay.”

---

Tag list: @yorshie @luckycharms1701 @thejudiciousneurotic @khayalli @thelaundrybitch @mxalmighty

[fcthots]

Please 🙏 give us more thoughts on the friends to lovers AU cause that's literally the one I have too.

-🌊

I’m assuming you mean my friend to ememies to lovers au. Tbh it’s super self indulgent but I’ll hit the high points for you. Heads up: it’s fem reader bc it came from my notes app as a personal au.

ANYWAY ONE THOUSAND FOLLOWERS WOOOOO

Basically reader hangs around Jason’s neighborhood through childhood

Immediately best friends

Jason sees you about twice a week for many many years

Side plot of Jason finding a new mafia in Gotham

One day Jason shows up unannounced to your house bc you do it to him all the time since he moved and he really needs to talk to you (haven’t decided what the emergency is yet)

You aren’t in your room and something looks wrong

He crawls in through the window and hears people yelling and arguing

He goes Robin mode and starts trying to figure out what happened

He follows the metaphorical tracks into the wall

Secret door

He spies and realizes your family is the mafia family he has had his eyes on

And you’re the topic of conversation

There’s an emergency with one of the fronts they have so the topic switches and they leave

Jason confronts you a week later after being weird and distant

He asks what they were talking about

You explain that you either have to join in on your family’s crimes or you’re going to have to live on the streets. They don’t want you working in the family bc you’re a woman.

(There’s a scrapped version where your family demands you to kill someone’s to pledge your loyalty and when Jason dies, you say you killed him)

He tells you he’ll take care of you. He’ll talk to Bruce. You can figure it out. You will figure it out, together. He reveals himself as Robin. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Then Jason dies

You find out from the news after you don’t see him for two weeks

You decide, fuck it. Nothing waiting for you outside of mafia life

Your family doesn’t want want u working for them. AND you started later than everyone else. Double whammy

Your family doesn’t trust you

You work twice as hard. You are determined to work your way up. You will survive

They give you low level assignments

You start doing side assign,ents that they don’t ask you to. You get them intel they didn’t know was there to get. Intel they didn’t know they needed

You start working your way up a twinge over the years

They send you in undercover as a stripper. Your job is to see if a rival gang comes in. The man you’re looking for has a deal there today.

The man is known as the Red Hood.

You don’t know Red Hood’s identity but he’s big in the game. A known killer. But a protector of women and the innocent. Your family HATES him.

The Red Hold walks in as well as his client

You switch places with someone and dance colder to their table sk you can hear their conversation

The Red Hood looks at you and freezes

In his head, he’s thinking you left the mafia, but because he died, no one was there to support you so you turned to stripping

He’s also thinking he missed you

You tell him that if he’s gonna stare at you like that, he better fork up some dollar bills

He tells his "client" to hold on for a moment

He walks up to you, voice modulator on and asks how much for a private dance

You make a joke about how he probably can't afford it

He says “I guarantee you I can”

Your "manager" walks over and says you have to take the money and do it, all in "subtle" wording

You’re nervous but agree

You lead him to his private room

And before you can try to make him horny enough to interrogate him, you turn around and his mask is off

You see his face

Older, but Jason

Someone is supposed to come to the club in 5 minutes and kill the "client" was making a deal with.

You can't let them kill Jason.

"You have to leave. Right now."

"What?" He's confused.

"Fuck. I'm so glad you're alive, but you have to go."

He tries to ask if you chose to be a stripper or if you were out of options

You say "I'm not a stripper"

He's confused. Thinks you’re maybe a prostitute.

"My brother is coming in 3 minutes to kill whoever *Client* was making a deal with so that he would be forced to make a deal with-... with us."

"You didn't"

“Dont. Don't do that. You were dead, Jason. And even ignoring that fact, you're not exactly far from the profession either."

"No. No, but you didn't want this. Your family treats you like shit"

“Better than the streets would have treated me... 2 minutes, Jason you have to go. Fuck. I'm gonna get demoted for this.”

Jason says he has a plan

You say it's too dangerous; you’re not losing him again

"Do you trust me?”

“…I still trust you"

He walks out and cancels the deal

He walks back in and says *Client* has to make his merchandise half price now, and with your ‘private dance’, you made it happen

He kisses your cheek and walks out

Your brother walks in and asks where he is, ready to be angry

You tell him to make the deal now, it's half off and that you convinced the other guy to walk

This is great success

You’re even given the weekend off

Jason waits until you leave late at night with the other girls

They're used to him showing up sometimes and walking them to their cars. They don't bat an eye

But he wordlessly gets in your car. Gets in the drivers seat, and drives you to his place, where you spend the weekend.

He tries to convince you to stay. You say you can't.

Because you want to take over the whole joint some day

So you go back do what you do

If you and Jason ever intersect, you go to your apartment together.

You fuck

He leaves for patrol before you wake up

He fucks you so you fall asleep and he can leave without saying goodbye

You fight.

YouI say you should stop.

You love him. If you keep going you’ll never love anyone else. You’ll never move on.

The truth is: you already love him like that, but if you keep fucking him, you won't be able to leave and it'll put a target on both of your backs

You fuck one last time and then he leaves

(He becomes a bat around this time)

He’s your enemy now

And you’re rising the ranks

[ticklishprincey]

Your New Normal

✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. A little self-indulgent fic to get my creative juices flowing, The Owl House hyperfixation is coming back full force and wooooo it's a doozy- I swear I'm getting to the asks, I hear you, and they're coming! ✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. Warnings: Angst, panic attacks, trauma/PTSD, nightmares, implied insomnia, implied suicidal ideation, depersonalization, blood, self-harm, there's a lot of things just please be careful! ✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. Notes: This fic is more angst than actual tickling, it's more of a seasoning than the main course if you catch my drift. Purple - Luz Orange - Hunter ✰✰✰ It wasn't supposed to be like this. Hunter was never supposed to be here, let alone hiding in the bathroom like a coward. The house was pitch black as he stumbled through, closing the door behind him like it would save him from the aching thoughts in his mind.

Belos. The sight of his eyes, the sneer on his face, it carved nightmares in him when he slept. Its like he could feel the hands of his once family, his once thought to be uncle, wrapped around his ankles to drag him back into the boiling isles.

A failure. A mistake. A failed experiment. He shouldn't even be alive.

His eyes flickered to the mirror, catching the look on his face through the reflection - who was that? Who was he? All he could see were the eyes of Caleb, the hair of a long dead boy. The look of someone he should've never been. Nauesea pooled in his system as this burning feeling erupted in his mind, he wasn't Hunter. He was never Hunter. Who even was Hunter? Caleb Wittebane stared back and he couldn't hold back from smashing his fist into the mirror. His lungs burned as the tears started, a searing hot pain in his hand - he was bleeding. The mirror shattered, glass shards sitting in the sink. The dread didn't leave him though, his aching hand and clouded mind digging through the bathroom.

The cabinets under the sink were pried open roughly, his hands sifting through the contents frantically. His hand touched a cold metal and pulled it out - scissors. His vision was blurred with tears but that didn't stop him from grasping at tufts of hair, cutting it messily.

He wasn't Caleb. He can't be Caleb. Please, he has to be Hunter. What would his friends think if they found out? What would Willow say? What would Luz say? He was a Grimwalker. He was a mistake. The sounds of Luz's knocking and voice didn't even pull him out of the borderline manic behavior, dead set on getting rid of the familiarity of the boy he didn't want to be. "Hunter! Please, open the door!" His hands paused, the scissors nearly hitting the back of his head as his body jolted. Breathing was hard but after a moment he found his voice. "I'll be out in a minute." His voice was strained, he was panicking; his heart and mind reeling from the thoughts that consumed him. There was no light inside, it was just him and the darkness that was filling the room. "Hunter! Open this door!" His voice cracked as he replied. "I'm using the bathroom." It was a lie. But there was no way he could let her in right now, not when he was falling apart like this. A choked breath from him followed the statement as tears streamed down his face and he forced himself to continue cutting his hair, desperately hoping Luz stayed outside. He heard Luz struggle to get the door unlocked, her breathing becoming panicked. "Let. Me. In." "No!" His voice was louder now, filled with tears and anguish. He didn't want Luz to see him like this, so torn and in shambles, so messed up on the inside and desperate to make sense of it all. "I swear to God, Hunter, if this door doesn't come open in 10 seconds I'm breaking it down!" An empty threat, of course, but Hunter didn't know that.

The words seemed to strike a nerve in him, his teeth clenching as he dropped the scissors with shaking hands and rushed to the door.

His hands fumbled with the lock for a moment - hesitating at the thought of how Luz would look at him - before finally pulling the door open.

His eyes were glassy and blood shot, tears streaked over his cheeks and hair cut messily to varying lengths. Luz looked him up and down, her eyes filled with both relief and concern, which quickly turned to sympathy for the shaking boy in front of her. "Oh, Hunter-" She wrapped her arms around Hunter almost instinctively, pulling him into a warm embrace. The tears that had pooled in his eyes and threatened to fall only fell faster at the touch, sobbed chokes of broken noises leaving his throat as he leaned into the comforting hug like a lifeline.

His trembling fingers clutched at the back of Luz's shirt, holding tight like his life was dependent on it. The two slowly descended to the floor, both of them on their knees as the hug continued, never breaking as Luz muttered comforting words into the boy's ear as she rubbed his back, brushing away stray bits of hair. He let himself breakdown with her in the dark bathroom, his sobs getting louder the more Luz spoke to him, the more he tried to speak back and failed with nothing but choked cries. Hunter's arms wrapped around her neck, keeping her close as he laid his head against her shoulder and closed his eyes; shaking against the older girl with tears staining her pajamas. Luz brushed away the tears streaming down his cheeks, gently lifting his face up to look at her. "You're safe now, I promise." Their eyes met through blurry tears, the gentle touch making Hunter shake against Luz as he leaned into the touch, desperate for any comfort he could get.

He choked out a broken noise in a pitiful attempt at speaking, only managing to say one word. "Promise?" "Pinkie swear." The words were like a reassurance to him, a much needed and desired comfort. He held tight to the human, clinging tightly as he shut his eyes tight and continued sobbing against her Neither of them knew or really cared how long they stayed there, holding onto each other as Hunter's tears stained the older girl's pajamas, but after a while he managed to quiet down; his tears drying up as he just laid against her, exhaustion settling into his bones. "You feel a little better now?" He gave a pitiful hum and nodded weakly, letting out a quiet sigh as his adrenaline finally let up, leaving his body tired and in a mess. His heart still raced in his chest and the thoughts that tore through his mind left him feeling sick but he was still leaning against her, still in a hug he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. Luz smiled at the sight, one of her closest friends trusting her like this was one of the greatest accomplishments she could ever achieve. She absent-mindedly ran her nails up and down the boy's arms, caressing the skin. Small giggles broke the silence. "Luz-" "Do you want me to stop?" Hunter shook his head, a pink hue dusting his cheeks. "No- Feels nice. Just tickles a little." Luz hummed in acknowledgement as she continued the light tickling, moving her focus to his back, running her nails up and down the spine. Bubbly giggles were her reward, as the boy in her arms whined and fidgeted with the hem of her pajamas, too exhausted from his tears to squirm or fight the sensations. Not that he wanted to. He liked this. He liked having friends. He liked feeling wanted. He never wanted to go back. ✰✰✰ ✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. WOW THAT WAS A LOT OF WORDS- So sorry, it's more angst than fluff, the tickle community tags are more clickbait in my honest opinion but whatever. As I said before, I am working on the asks, I hear you! Love you all!

[myrmyrtheorca]

QUESTION TIME BUDDY (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Squalo (cause of course i gotta ask after the squ)

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Xanxus

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Yamamoto

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

oh look the weird squalo girl got asks about squalo wooooo who would have thooooought how do you guys still follow me? seriously am I not so obnoxious about this guy???? what are you doing here

Thank you for indulging me bud ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

2. Ok so. I apologise in advance if I get some things wrong about his canon traits because I feel like I'm REALLY bad at analysing characters, and I'm a bit self-conscious about sharing why I like them because my idea may not be totally accurate to canon. My favourite thing about Squalo has to be his sense of pride. Often in anime the prideful character is either a comic relief or their pride is extinguished the moment they're defeated, as if it's a flaw that needs to be "remodeled", reduced, and they become friends with the MC or generally feel downgraded. However Squalo wears it like a fucking badge of honour and does not ever reconsider it, and balances his responsibilities as captain and his more independent side without exaggerating. (I live off characters with strong beliefs that they bring to their grave HHHNNHHN NNOITRA THIS IS YOU)

Idk if it will make sense but he's never LESS loud, proud, or stubborn after his (many) defeats. After the Rain battle, he doesn't just fuck off defeated hating on Yams because he got outsmarted - in future arc, Squalo sees it as his responsibility to hone Yamamoto's abilities because that brat is strong in his eyes and he's pissed off Yams is not expressing his potential (not to mention the 100 matches tapes). I feel like he can respect strong people without thinking any less of himself.

There are also many other things I like about him but this is at least one of the top 3.

5. Other than his character song? brb-

12. A headcanon for Xanxus... he's one of those people that doesn't particularly care for animals (and here I mean like he won't fawn over them with a baby voice or anything, he likes them just enough) but animals ADORE him. They show themselves to be extremely friendly towards him. Why? Who knows. It applies to box animals too.

15. My favorite ship with Yamamoto. AAAAGH I'm not the biggest shipper out there but. I think it's a tie between 8027 and S80(tyl), but since I tend to ship DS I always resort to 8027 for Yams.

[goldenteaset]

"Some Ways Belial Could Come Back"

...Born out of my missing him very much but wanting to have fun with it. I did try to keep these vague on the pairing front, believe it or not. XD;

Option one: He Just Shows Up

Falling through the ceiling, sneaking in through a window, whatever. Everyone else uses doors, but not Belial, trickster extraordinaire. He goes the extra mile (RIP to Danchou's rupies).

The pros: He's just here! No muss, no fuss, he's back, baby!

The cons: Why did he come to the Grandcypher? How is he even here? It just raises too many questions.

Option 2: Sariel. Just Sariel.

Thanks to Belial's extra conflicted self-esteem issues, he probably assumes nobody wants him back. Not so! Aside from the fans, in-universe there's at least one very special person who's been looking for him: Sariel. With a resolve that even interesting ants can't (wholly) shake, if anybody can find Belial and bring him home, he'd be my pick. He's changed so much already, I'm sure Belial would love to know what's happened!

The pros: Belial can be with a friend (or more?) again right out of the gate. It would be extremely touching. Bonus if Sariel hugs him ;v;

The cons: Sariel might be so excited to take Belial out of the Dimensional Rift he might let something else out too... (exciting though!)

Option 3: Pantry raid at Bubs' Tower (of Babyl), WOOOOO

Beelzebub has been having fun making Danchou and co.'s life hell thanks to the Tower of Babyl event. In Belial's mind, that just wouldn't stand. That's his hobby. It's only natural he'd want to crash the party and steal Bubs' snacks or what-have-you.

The pros: Beelzebub's reaction would be hilarious, it'd be a wild way for ToB's already wild ride to end

The cons: There's no guarantee Belial wouldn't take over the ToB himself, ensuring the event gets EVEN HARDER (please no)

Option 4: Lucilius and Belial Star In The Lighthouse

Mostly self-explanatory. Lucilius is clearly not having a good time with Belial in the Dimensional Rift ("You're still sulking?" per Belial's summon), so what better way to let the good times roll for him than force Belial out of the Rift and into the Sky Realm? I personally would love to see them have a nightmarish argument that ends with Lucilius chasing Belial with an axe.

The pros: See above, the Belifaa fans who prefer them darker would have a field day

The cons: Arguments and axes aside, it'd mostly leave them at the same place they started, relationship-wise. That's not as interesting to work off of for the writers.

Option 5: "Just Call Me 'Lucifer'"

Easily the most self-indulgent of the bunch. Probably connected to 2 and 4, somehow Lucifer regains enough of his physical form that he can go into the Rift and he, Lucilius and Belial can have a very, very, very long talk. With luck, they reconcile (or close to it) and then can both come back to the Grandcypher. (Heck, Lucilius can come too if he wants, why not.)

The pros: The emotional constipation brigade here can finally show their feelings (while hopefully not resolving everything, that wouldn't be as fun), they get to interact again, Primarchs: We Know Drama

The cons: Similar to 1's, with bonus "Oh god how desperate would Lucilius be to give Lucifer back his body", Belial might stick his fingers in his ears and hum a lot

....And that's my list so far! Not including such wildly self-indulgent options such as "Danchou's Sheer Hot Messiness Compelled Him" or "Lyria Said 'Please' Cutely". XD

[emmadoodle]

Bday Tickles!!!

A/N:Before I say anything, I just wanna give a big thanks to @fluffallamaful and @awkwardtickleetoo​ since the two of them are the reason I wrote this in like,,,24 hours hahaha! This fic was so rushed cause I just kinda wrote it mostly for fun. It’s late for George’s birthday but that doesn’t matter lol. Here you go!

Summary: In the Dream Team household, there’s a special tradition that they participate in during birthdays. Raspberries Supremacyyyyy!!!

Words: 2k

This totally sucks btw asjdfhlkaj

-------------

George originally didn’t believe his roommates when they first brought up this birthday tradition. He heard about birthday punches, or birthday pinches, or even birthday kisses... but raspberries? He hadn’t even heard that term since he was a child, and even then he had to look it up to make sure he remembered it correctly. One thing was for sure, they weren’t just a fruit.

“What, you want to give me twenty five of these? Why would I even let you,” George said with a scoff, his tone of voice obviously trying to cover up the fact that this idea flustered him a bit. He licked his lips out of a nervous habit. 

“You have to dude, it’s a tradition in this house. You live here now so you have to abide by the rules,” Sapnap explained, albeit playfully, with a huge smirk on his face. Dream sat in silence as his friend explained, but George really didn’t like the teasing look on his face. 

“Well. it’s not even my birthday yet, you can’t even do anything right now,” George shrugged and played it off. There was no way they were serious. This seemed so childish, and they’d barely been around him in person yet. Everything still seemed so new.

“Well yeah, but your birthday is tomorrow, isn’t it?” Dream finally spoke up, leaning forward a bit from where he sat on the one cushion sofa that was perpendicular to the main couch. George really didn’t like the tone of his best friend’s voice. They were still messing around… right?

When they all went to bed that night, George was way more nervous than he would’ve liked to admit. In the end he couldn’t get an answer out of his roommates whether or not they were joking or not, meaning he was gonna have to find out the next morning. Trying to sleep the day before your birthday was always hard. Afterall, birthdays are always exciting. But somehow this was the hardest it had ever been for George to fall asleep.

He wasn’t sure when he finally dozed off, sometime in the middle of all the anticipatory thoughts and jittery butterflies, but the next thing he knew, fresh sunlight from in between his curtains were shining into his eyes. He squinted, feeling rather full of energy and refreshed, but then the memories of what Dream and Sapnap told him last evening hit him like a truck, and a pool of dread spiked in his stomach. 

He reached for his phone to check his phone, a small smile already forming on his lips against his will. It was ten in the morning; usually by now there was the sound of chatter from the main living, or at least the sizzling of the stove from Dream’s cooking, but right now there was nothing. It was dead quiet, and the silence was beginning to become more and more heavy as George just sat in his bed. He took a deep breath, he was just being an idiot. Sometimes those two would sleep in till noon. This wasn’t anything huge. After calming himself, he rose from his mattress and placed his socked feet onto the carpet as he stood. 

He opened his door with a slight creak and stepped into the hallway. When he reached the living room he was surprised to find it also completely empty. There were a couple small blankets left on the couch from the day before when they had spent the day watching movies together. But other than that there was nothing. Suddenly however, a scream tore from his throat when he felt arms wrap tightly around him from behind into a hug. 

“Happy birthday Georgie!” he heard Sapnap’s voice near his ear. Dream had also jumped out from around the corner as well yelling 'surprise', which only added to George's loud screeching. 

"Let me go!" He yelled, struggling in Sapnap’s hold to no avail. Even though he was older, George was just a bit weaker than Sapnap was. He was dragged a few feet to the couch, where Dream had moved away the blankets onto the floor. George fell and was pulled onto the soft cushions. Sapnaps’s back was against the arm of the couch while facing perpendicular, his arms wrapped around George’s torso and under his arms, keeping the birthday boy pinned to his chest. Dream sat in front of them on top of George’s knees. 

“I thought you guys were joking!” George finally yelled, squirming in Sapnap’s hold. In response Sapnap only hummed and rested his chin on George’s shoulder, not needing to try very hard to keep him in his grasp. 

“Of course we weren’t joking,” Dream smiled. This was the most hyper George had seen the man this early in the morning.

George groaned and held out his hand towards Dream, well aware of how red his face was right now, “Ughhhh fine! Go ahead and blow the raspberries onto the back of my hand,” he said, hoping that would be enough. Sadly though as Dream shook his head with a smirk, and Sapnap giggled into his ear, he knew that this wasn’t gonna cut it. 

“Aww come on George, we aren’t gonna give just regular old raspberries, we’re giving you birthday raspberries.” To emphasize his point, he poked a finger into George’s stomach making him giggle.

“Thehen what’s the differehence?” George squeaked out, afraid he already knew the answer.

“It’s under here!” Dream exclaimed as he pushed up George’s shirt. Sapnap’s hands rested on his chest, leaving his stomach wide open. He shrieked as he felt the cool air on his tummy and he immediately covered himself as best he could with his arms.

“Whahat?? Nonononono this is sohoho stupid!!” Sapnap and Dreamed laughed along with him. Even as George squirmed, it was evident by his body language that he didn’t seem to be too uncomfortable. Dream promised himself he would be sure to pay attention if George really didn’t want to participate. 

“But this is our gift to you, cutie!” Sapnap said excitedly, squeezing George more into the backwards hug, enjoying the warmth of his friend.

“I really dohon’t need anything reheheally,” Dream wasn’t having any of it tho. He suddenly threw George’s arms out of the way before bending down towards his stomach and taking a deep breath,” WAI- NohOHOHO! WHAHAHA-” 

George threw his head back in a panicked cackle and he covered his entire face in his hands. It took him a few seconds to even realize nothing had even happened. He removed his hands slowly to uncover his eyes and saw Dream smirking at him evilly. “Why wohohould you dohoho thahahat?!” He complained, relaxing again and laying his head back onto Sapnap’s shoulder. He heard Sapnap laugh next to his ear again and all Dream did was shrug, still grinning at him. 

Dream took another sudden breath again, but this time he didn’t even bend his head down. Still, George yelped, covering himself as he broke into laughter, catching on quicker this time that he had been bamboozled.

“Stohohop dohoing thahahat!!” George whined, completely embarrassed that he’d fallen for it again. Dream took another quick breath, and this time George didn’t flinch as much, catching onto the blonde’s tricks. Instead though, a sudden tingly vibration shot into the side of his neck, causing him to break into sudden laughter. It turned out, Sapnap had gotten rather bored waiting for Dream to actually start and decided to take matters into his own hands.

George had convulsed, trying to arch out of Sapnap’s hold but unable to. “That’s one!” The youngest exclaimed when he finished. George didn’t have time to even process what had happened or even recover before another raspberry was placed into the other side of his neck, a little closer to his ear. He scrunched up as much as he could and squeezed his eyes shut as he squealed. “Aaaaand two!”

George was given a second to catch his breath as he opened his eyes again. He had to endure twenty three more of these? There was no way! “Okay George,” Dream said finally, and then blew a stream of air onto his bare stomach. He flinched at the sudden cold, yet that didn’t stop the anticipatory giggles that began to bubble out.

“Dreheheheam wahahahait-” Dream took in a loud breath, and this time he didn’t fake it. He blew a large raspberry underneath his navel causing the man to erupt into screaming cackles. He wasn’t given a second to recover afterwards as another one was placed into his neck again, making him kick his legs as much as he could underneath Dream’s weight. “GUHUHUHUYS WhAHAHAHA… WAHAHAHAIT!” 

Sapnap kept count in his ear, always reminding him how many he had left. It was like a pattern, a number being said in his ear before the tickling returned in a new place. “Seven…” one was placed onto his right side. “Eight…” another erupted right behind his ear causing his laughter to rise high and squeaky. “Nine…” George’s hands gripped Dream’s head as one was blown near his hip. He arched his back high as his cackling nearly went silent. Dream laughed at his best friend’s predicament and he and sapnap finally stopped after ten to give him a slight break.

George’s eyes were teary, and a loopy smile was plastered on his face, “Thihihis is the wohohorst,” he said, his arms limp against his sides.

“Oh, you don’t mean that,” Dream teased, shaking his head, “Sapnap’s not holding you that tight anymore. You’re not even trying to get away.” Even as he pointed it out, George still didn’t make any moves to get away. He only covered his face again when it began to get red again.

“You got fifteen more, you ready?” Sapnap brought the focus back onto George’s current predicament, and the slight squirming returned for a couple seconds before he stopped again. 

“Lehehet’s juhust finish thihihis,” Dream cooed at George’s response, and nuzzled his face right in the center of his tummy before blowing a large raspberry right on top of his belly button, jumping right into the deep end. George didn’t even try to say anything this time, falling into deep belly laughter from the second it started again. 

Dream and Sapnap took turns blowing raspberries as George was lost in ticklish bliss. Even though Sapnap continued to keep count in his ear, he stopped listening after a while. All he could focus on was the tingling left over on his skin after every blow. Any time they moved somewhere different, his skin continued to buzz with ticklish energy that left his nerves feeling like they were on fire. All he could focus on was the feeling, and somehow deep down he was having the absolute time of his life. 

He would jump every time they hit a sensitive spot, and he curled in on himself as best he could every once in a while. He could tell the two of them were talking, probably teasing him about not even fighting back anymore, but he didn’t care. 

George snapped back into reality when they reached twenty-four. “Okay Sapnap, last one, ready?” He heard both of them inhale, a large wave of butterflies taking over when he realized this was definitely the set up for a big finale. Before he could yell at them, begging them to wait a second, he felt an explosion of tickles both from Sapnap and Dream, one on his neck and another on his stomach. Dream shook his head to add to the vibrations. George screamed out in hysterics, then his laughter went silent. He was definitely at his limit. Even minutes after they stopped, and as Dream rubbed the tingles away, he still continued to laugh hard. 

Ihihihit tihihihickles,” he complained, melting in Sapnap’s arms. 

“Happy birthday George,” Sapnap placed a kiss into the top of his hair. Dream hummed in adoration.

“It’s still early in the morning. I say we sleep in a bit more,” Dream offered, not even needing an answer as George’s eyes were already closing, a satisfied smile still plastered on his lips. Sapnap adjusted just a little bit to lay down a bit more, keeping George in his arms. Dream moved to lay on the other side of the couch.

“Thahanks guys,” George mumbled sleepily. He slipped into unconsciousness, not hearing as both his best friends tell him just how much they loved him. Luckily, he already knew that. 

[cloversdreams]

tfw you have a thought that youre certain wont even be ficlet length once you flesh it out and it just keeps growing then youve got yourself a fic 

[deiitaelric]

bkdk split up fic - part 2 ig

PART 1 HERE

like some people liked this highly self indulgent idea, I’m writing more. I hope you enjoy :)

*unedited, don’t shame my English*

---

Not much later All Might entered the room and five pairs of eyes looked at him.

“Well, well, what do we have here?”

“All Might! Kacchan got hit by a quirk and split up in four” Izuku said, approaching him. The little boy between his arms looked at him, then at All Might, and back at Izuku when he spoke. 

“What are you talking about? Why did you call him All Might?” 

“Hmmm, well…” Izuku turned back and looked at the Kacchans there. “Should I tell him or not?” 

“The fuck is going on?!” Teen Kacchan yelled.

“Well, young- younger Bakugou, the thing is, this is my body when I’m not on duty” The old man told the little kid.

“The fuck?!” Yelled the same teen. 

“I don’t believe you” The child enunciated, crossing his arms. He looked out of the corner of the eye at Izuku. Then he looked away. And then back at Izuku. “Is that true?” 

“Yeah, well… Yeah, he’s telling the truth” 

“You wouldn’t lie to me, right? Because I’ll kick your ass, Izuku, I don’t care you’re older now”

“I know, I know. I wouldn’t lie to you, Kacchan”

The child looked satisfied and glared back at All Might, still with his little arms crossed.

“Prove it, anyway” 

“Kacchan, that’s…” 

“Of course!” All Might said, entering his buffed shape. “I’m here!” 

“Wooooo” The kid’s eyes went wide and shiny, his mouth smiling wide. He patted Izuku’s back with one hand and pointed at the hero with the other. “It’s him!” 

“I know. He’s so cool, right?” Those big red eyes looked at him and Izuku felt his heart full of joy.

“Wow!” Was all what the kid responded. 

All Might came back to his form in a cloud and smiled at them. The teenager was shocked in place, the seventeen years old was just frowning looking at Deku, and the oldest was smiling lightly, with his arms crossed over his chest. The original Katsuki looked at the older and tilted his head just one second, thinking about how his future-self looked so fucking cool, just as expected. But when he looked at the teen, he frowned. To handle that bitch was gonna be difficult. But he knew himself better now, so maybe he might be able to handle him for the amount of time he had to be split up.

All Might asked Mini Kacchan to grab him and two seconds later the old man had the kid between his skinny arms, holding him with such care. The little thing has sparkles on his big eyes. The other blondes and Izuku revised the records All Might had brought to confirm that knowing the future wouldn’t affect Katsuki or the world. This was because once he returned to normality, all the experience would return to the original Katsuki, maybe with the exception of the future one. Will the future Kacchan remember the travel when he came back to his time? Probably, but it wouldn’t affect so much. How long does it take to come back to normal? It depends on how much exposure he had with the quirk, so doing math, they think it may only  last a couple of days.  Should they tell Katsuki’s parents? He himself, all of them, agreed in a firm no. Would they have to share Original-Katsuki’s room? Yes. Except for the child, who didn’t want to leave Izuku’s side.

“Hah? You’re not going to stay with this nerd” The teenager complained. 

“Shut up, I’ll do whatever I want” replied mini Kacchan, already back in Izuku’s arms. 

“Kacchan, it’s oka-” 

“You just shut up, Deku! I don’t care you have a fucking quirk now! I bet it’s a lame one, just to fit you!” 

“That’s enough, Kacchan. You don’t have to be that way” Izuku put the child down and looked at him with a serious expression.

“Hah? Where all this confidence came from, fucking nerd?”

“I know you well enough. We already had this fight, I’m up for having it again” Izuku raised his hand in fist in response to Katsuki's raising palms cracking little explosions.

“The fuck, Deku?” the original said, letting his body between them. “Are you fucking serious?” 

“I know the way to make him stop doing this!” 

“If you know, just stop!” Katsuki looked Izuku right in the eye. “You know how he feels”

“And that’s just why! I want to let him know I never looked down at him!” 

“But don’t follow my ways, stupid! Right now, you're just agreeing with him” 

“Kacchan… You know I’m not doing that… And having that fight changed everything between us” 

“Shut up! He’s not me” Katsuki made a face. “Well, he is! But you know what I meant” 

“Allright, fine. But mini Kacchan can do whatever he wants, you listen?” He knelt beside the kid and softened like nothing had happened. “You can stay with me if you want, okay?” He said sweetly, brushing his spiky head. 

“Okay! But don’t treat me like a child, ok?!”

“I won’t, I promise” Izuku smiled at him.

After the little dispute, they sat on the couches, saying goodbye to All Might and waiting for Aizawa to come back with instructions. Mini Kacchan climbed Izuku’s lap and sat there. The young adult was on the couch arm, looking at them piercingly. The original was sitting on another couch, looking at them, and the teen leaning against the couch’s arm, arms crossed, an angry pout on his face. 

“And what now?” Izuki said, helping the kid to sit comfortably on his lap. The little boy was looking at the oldest blonde with a suspicious look and when Izuku followed his gaze, found those crimson eyes on him. “Wh-what?”

The young adult Kacchan smiled. Izuku caught his breath. Then Older Kacchan lowered his view at the kid. The two blondes looked intensely one in another eyes, and an electric tension passed between them. The kid turned to face Izuku and hugged him, resting his little head over his shoulder, and putting his tongue out at the older blonde, who frowned a little with a smirk.

“What are you two doing?” The original said. They kept looking at each other, not answering. Then Izuku looked at Original Kacchan and smiled weakly. 

“I don’t know what is happening. Are they having a staring competition?” 

“He wants to steal you from me” The kid whispered in his ear. Izuku gasped and his face reddened.

“Wh-What?”

“What’s happening, nerd?” Original Kacchan barked, starting to get annoyed.

“Uh, no- Hmm, nothing” his voice turned out high pitched and he moved his hands in front of him. Mini Kacchan hugged him tight and Izuku hugged him again. The kid then loosened the grip. “Um?” 

“Okay, I’m done with this shit. I’m leaving” Teen Kacchan said, already leading to the door. 

“And where are you planning to go, huh?” Original Kacchan said, rolling his eyes.

“Shut it!” Teen barked, opening the door only to find Aizawa there. 

“Go back in there, Bakugou”

“Are you fucking doing anything this time, or are you gonna waste my time?” 

Aizawa kept looking at him for a moment, blinking slowly. Then he pointed at Teen Kacchan, turning his head to look at Original.

“And I thought you were something, wow” The older man looked back at the teen with a bored expression. “I’m a teacher, so I’m the authority here. Do you have a problem with that?” 

“As long as you do something” 

“Okay, look, I don’t have the energy for this” He focused his attention on the other boys present and pointed at them while talking. “Bakugou, you will need to attend your classes either way” he said to Original Kacchan. “You will have to take care of the child,” he said to Older Kacchan. “And you,” he turned to point at Teen. “What are we gonna do with you?”

“He can attend the classes, too. Take the wind out of him” Older Kacchan said, smirking.

“Whose side are you on?” Original asked, angrily. 

“Deku’s” He said, lowering his eyes at him again. Izuku looked at him out of the corner of the eye and looked away, flustered.

--

PART 3 HERE

--

ok idk what am i doing lmao

[splatsys-sizeshift-shenanigans]

KSBENENSKSKZJNSMALQIEHFBSKSI

NOM

BET really self-indulgent little splatnoms thing i did whoops i didn't mean to hit the fearplay button there!!! TWs: soft, safe vore, digestion mention (nothing actually happens, dw!!), says literally three swear words, uhhhh fearplay?? i think thats it!!!

WORD COUNT: 1519 (IVE BEATEN MY PREVIOUS BEST LETS GOOOOO)

Losing to the King

T!Rider (Cor0ika) and G!Emperor (Cor0ika) (gotta avoid getting in the main tags wooooo :'D)

Emperor smirked as he looked over at Rider, who was trying not to seem annoyed. “Well, you’re the one who planned this whole thing, you gotta face the consequences of losing to the king.” He grinned at the glare Rider gave him, humming. “Yeah, yeah, shut up. This is already gonna be annoying enough, you don’t gotta rub it in more than you’re already going to.” The yellow-green inkling huffed as he twirled the vial in his hands, just thankful Goggles wouldn’t be home for a few more days, meaning he wouldn’t have to see this. “Go on, then. Better sooner than later.” Emperor chuckled as Rider shot yet another glare at him, before sighing and downing the contents of the vial, shrinking down to the size of a small figurine. He glared up at Emperor, stepping back as he noticed previously unseen malice in the yellow inkling’s eyes. Emperor smirked as he looked down at Rider, fear written in the tiny inkling’s eyes as he stepped back. “Pfft, what’s wrong, Rider? Why so scared?” Rider took a sharp breath, trying to hide his fear as he looked up at the yellow inkling, trying to find a way out of the situation, faltering as a hand wrapped around him from behind. “Not so tough now, are you?” Emperor grinned as Rider struggled in his grasp, lifting the tiny towards his face. “Nonono- Emperor, I swear to cod, put me down, this isn’t funny!” Rider squirmed, trying to get out of Emperor’s hand, fear shimmering in his eyes as the yellow inkling opened his mouth. He quickly had to move and grab onto Emperor’s fingers as the larger inkling moved to hold him above his jaws, his eyes narrowed with a strange form of victory in them as he waited for Rider to lose his grip. The tiny yellow-green inkling dangled from Emperor’s fingers, struggling to keep his grip as he started slipping, trying to pull himself upwards, his eyes widening as he lost grip with one of his hands, cursing under his breath as he felt himself slip down further, making a vain final attempt to latch back on before slipping off of the fingers he was clinging to, yelping as he fell. “Nonononono, no!” Rider cried out, grimacing as he landed on Emperor’s tongue that had been lying in wait below him, his last glimpse of hope shattering as the other inkling’s jaws clicked shut around him before he could get himself to move. He closed his eyes tightly as the tongue started to work at him, feeling it brush against his sides, clearly trying to get him to laugh. He didn’t think Emperor would go that low, soon unable to stop the small amounts of laughter escaping from him at the movements, kicking against the tongue, completely distracted from the situation at hand by what was happening, Emperor continuing to coat the smaller inkling in saliva with a hum. Rider snapped out of the distraction as he began to slide towards Emperor’s throat, his eyes widening. He started to struggle again as the throat took hold of his legs, adrenaline flowing through him as he tried to pull himself out, eyes shining with fear as he felt himself being dragged deeper into the tight area. Rider closed his eyes tightly yet again as he was fully swallowed into the esophagus, kicking out and struggling as much as he could in an attempt to get Emperor to choke, feeling the slimy tube around him grow tighter, restricting his movement. He winced as he came to a sudden stop, trying to push himself upwards, just getting forced back down by the pulsating throat around him. “No... No! Not like this!” Rider shouted, trying to squirm his way back out, ultimately failing as he went through another tight area before being roughly shoved into Emperor’s stomach, wiping spit out of his eyes as he tried to gather his bearings, trying to think of a way out, even though deep down he knew it would be useless. He squirmed and struggled against the increasingly active organ around him, grimacing as he heard Emperor let out a low belch, followed by chuckling at the situation. “You thought you’d be able to get away with that, didn’t you?”

Emperor chuckled at Rider’s struggles, which were beginning to slow down at this point, the smaller inkling already beginning to tire himself out, laughing at a muffled ‘Shut up!’. “Keep it up and maybe I’ll keep you in there for the rest of the night.” “What?! No, you can’t do that, the potion doesn’t last that long!” He smirked at the response Rider gave him. Now, normally, the other inkling would be right about the amount of time that the potion lasted, but there was a reason he had let Rider head out onto the battlefield first, after all, he’d risked his life before the battle to get ahold of that effect extending powder from the Deepsea Metro. “Do you wanna test that theory, hm?” Emperor grinned as Rider went silent, leaning back against the couch and resting a hand on his stomach, feeling every movement the squirmy inkling caused, trying not to laugh at Rider’s pitiful attempts to escape from his slimy prison. “Maybe if you don’t act up, I’ll let you out in a few hours.” He murmured, feeling Rider’s struggles cease, other than the occasional attempt to get comfortable.

Rider crossed his arms as he looked around, huffing as he tried and failed to get out yet again. Emperor had fallen into a heavy sleep, rendering him trapped in the larger inkling’s stomach, leaning back against one of the walls with a sigh. He’d been trying to keep track of time, he wasn’t exactly sure what time it was, but he knew the potion definitely should’ve worn off by now, and he had no idea why it hadn’t, but it was worrying him quite a bit. Rider shivered at the thought of returning to normal size while being trapped in here, sure, he could go into squid form if it did happen, but he wouldn’t be able to do that until he was fully back to normal, let alone beforehand. Either way, he was reasonably afraid of it happening, yet there was nothing he could do if it did happen, he just had to hope Emperor woke up before then. He winced as the stomach became active again, churning around him as it tried to digest him, which didn’t worry him all that much, considering the way inklings can make their stomachs safe, and the fact that the potion had a safeguard against this very type of thing, to prevent anything from happening, but that didn’t make the feeling any less discomforting. Rider huffed at the movements around him, squirming at the churning became harsher, taking him a few moments before realizing that it wasn’t getting harsher, it was just Emperor being a jerk and rubbing at him. “Emperor you piece of shit! Let me out!” He shouted, rolling his eyes as Emperor laughed at his yelling. “Alright, alright, calm down you little shit. Then again, I should really just keep you there for another hour for saying that.” Rider froze at the threat, quickly responding. “Okay, okay! I take it back, just let me out! Please?!” He called out, fear welling up within him when there was no response, followed by a shocked yelp when the stomach pressed in around him, pushing him upwards. Of course, he was used to the feeling, but it always snuck up on him, especially in situations like this where he didn’t know how much time he had left before he’d return to normal. Rider forced his eyes shut as he moved back up the throat, groaning as he slipped back into Emperor’s mouth, ignoring the chuckling until he felt himself sliding back towards the other inkling’s throat. “Emperor no! Don’t you fucking dare!” He shouted at the yellow inkling, who laughed before slipping Rider out of his mouth and into a small towel, cleaning the tiny off. “Rider, you have no chill, ya know that?” “Shut up! You didn’t need to try to do it again!” “Oh be quiet, it’s not my fault you taste so good.” “I- You- Shut up!!” Emperor grinned as Rider looked away, definitely flustered by the words. “Nah, go get yourself cleaned up, I’m gonna head out. Oh, by the way...” Emperor flashed a slight grin at Rider, dropping a small empty packet on the table. “Have fun getting out of this one. Cya around.” He hummed, before walking out, hearing Rider shout after him, closing the door behind himself and going on his way.

“No, Goggles, I’m not kidding, I’m gonna be stuck like this for the rest of the week because that idiot used the whole thing. Yeah, I know I could do that, but I can’t. I can’t reach it!” Rider huffed as Goggles giggled at the situation, crossing his arms. ‘Alright, I’ll be home in like... Two days max, hopefully nothing more than that, though.’

[magioftheseas]

Thoughts of You

Summary: In which Rae observes Claire as she ponders, and she has a few thoughts of her own. All tied to, of course, the lady herself.

Rating: PG

Warnings: None really.

Notes: If I’m gonna be writing villainess stories, at least one of them has to be from an actual yuri. Thus, I Favor The Villainess gets this story. Wooooo~ Lesbians~! Pride! Yeah!

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

It’s the moments where Lady Claire is deep in thought where her more elegant beauty shines through. When she pauses, when she ruminates, whatever it is that she considers—it’s such a lovely sight that I can’t help but admire. I can’t help but be curious, too, but I don’t need to ask unless whatever she’s pondering also troubles her.

It’s funny. As a player of the game, I of course wanted to know everything there was to know about Claire. Her thoughts, her feelings, her wants, her desires—elements which were normally dismissed as Claire was a rival, I wanted access to.

As a character within the ‘game’, it’s fine to not know everything. If a time ever comes where she trusts me fully, she can tell me herself.

That’s much more rewarding, even if it’s never going to happen.

Still, it’s so nice to be present in the moment with Lady Claire. Especially when she can take notice of my admiring, and her face scrunches up in a most adorable way that, as a player, I never would’ve gotten to see.

Aah, yep! Up close and personal is the best!

(So close, and yet so far.)

“You’re thinking weird things again,” Lady Claire hissed at me. “Stop.”

“I’m not! My thoughts are perfectly normal for me!” I protested, knowing it’d rile her up.

Which it did because she stamped her foot.

“Normal for you is weird!” she shouts, pointing. Her hands are so nicely manicured, too! Nails perfectly polished and filed down! “What weird thing are you doing now?! Why are you looking at your hands?!”

Goodness, how worked up Lady Claire gets. There’s no reason to not be honest.

“I was thinking about how lovely it would be if our hands fitted perfectly and snugly together,” I cooed, making grabby noises that had her recoil with a high-pitched squeak of surprise. “Lady Claire, won’t you indulge your lowly servant and please let me hold your hand?”

“How dare you request such a vulgar thing—!”

“Yes, a vulgar being as myself should be slapped!” I crowed. “That’s right, Lady Claire! Please put this vulgar thing in its place with a good hard smack delivered by your perfect hand!”

“What’s wrong with you?!” she cried, sounding distressed.

Ah. Might’ve overdone it. Lady Claire’s not a violent person, after all. She’s too gentle for that.

“You can be gentle with me instead,” I said, clasping my hands. “A pat on the head instead of a hard slap would be fine, too! If that’s what you’d prefer!”

I know I’d much prefer to be treated gently than roughly—even though I would be happy with either if it were Lady Claire...

“N-No!” she exclaimed, red in the face. The color that suited her best, the color of passion and of fire—yep, Lady Claire was perfect! “That’s not what I meant! Why do you always respond in the crudest ways?!” Rather than wait for my teasing response, she gave a beleaguered sigh and waved her hand at me. “Don’t even bother replying to that. I should have known better.”

I exhaled, and it unintentionally comes out as a whistle.

Lady Claire has been completely blindsided by my antics. She’s just muttering to herself about what a headache I am and rubbing her temple for good measure. I’ve completely distracted her from whatever it was that she was thinking about before.

I can’t lie. It makes me happy to be on her mind. It also makes me feel guilty about how selfish it makes me to be happy.

“Shall I fetch you some sweets?” I ask. “Some chocolate, perhaps?”

“I don’t trust you,” Lady Claire huffed, waving her hand at me. “Get Lene to deliver it instead.”

“Right away.”

I can’t lie. That stings a little.

But...it’s fine.

Really, it’s fine.

--

Lady Claire is deep in thought again. She really is lovely.

“...you’re staring,” she mutters darkly, nibbling at a cookie.

“Because you’re so beautiful my eyes can’t be kept away!”

She blushes, growls and—oh, she’s so adorable, too. She really checks all the boxes. Adorable, beautiful, and sexy. It’s no wonder I love her so much. I’ve always, always loved her so much even when I didn’t know anything about her.

(I haven’t gotten to truly know her until recently.)

“If you have something worthwhile to say, then say it!” she barked at me, huffy and precious. “Unless you’re thinking vulgar things again?!”

I opened my mouth for the usual banter.

That’s right! Vulgar as always! You really should punish me, Lady Claire! It’s what I deserve!

I ended up shutting it. Lady Claire takes notice, straightening up and staring holes into me. It makes me happy to have that crystalline blue gaze on me. At the same time, I don’t like that she’s so worried.

“No,” I said. “I don’t have anything worthwhile to say. I apologize, Lady Claire.”

Lady Claire makes a face. Pinched up around her dainty nose, her brow furrowed. That sharp gaze of hers narrows now.

“Something is bothering you,” she pointed out. “If that’s the case, then...”

“I won’t let it impede my services to Lady Claire,” I said, lilting and loving. “You don’t need to worry.”

“But—! You admit you’re bothered!” she balked, as if she couldn’t comprehend it. Honestly, she’s too kind for her own good.

I’ve thought it before, but I’m sure of it now.

A lovely person such as her doesn’t deserve to be saddled with the title of Villainess. She shouldn’t have even been shackled to the title of Rival.

Someone like her absolutely deserves great and wonderful things. She deserves to be happy, above all else.

I can’t trouble her. I really can’t. Especially when...

“I don’t want to put such a worried look on your face,” I hum, leaning in but mindful of keeping some distance. Lady Claire blinks up at me, and it’s so breathtaking, especially in how I can see myself reflected in her gaze. “And, do you want to know the truth? All I ever think about is you, and all I concern myself with is how you can be happy. Because I love you.”

Lady Claire flinches, so I hurriedly pull back.

“It’s true! The only thing that’s ever on my mind is Lady Claire! And how adorable, beautiful, sexy she is!”

“Gah!” she shrieked, as irritated as she was no doubt exasperated. “Can’t you be serious for one second?!”

Absolutely not.

“My love for Lady Claire is as serious as serious can be!” I declared passionately. “Lady Claire, I love and revere you! I’ll do so until the end of time!”

“Just shut up! I don’t want to hear anything more from you, Rae Taylor!”

Ooh, full name. She’s super annoyed now.

I can’t help but laugh.

“I worship you and so much more, Lady Claire!”

“SHUT UUUUUP!!!”

--

Back before all this, when I had been writing fan novels, I’d think up all kinds of ways to circumvent Claire’s fate. There was one idea that was in fashion among fan circles.

Disgracement and banishment.

It was always the quickest way to change up the setting and the perfect stepping stone for learning humility. Since I wanted Claire to flourish in the countryside either way, I dabbled with the idea. It was fun—and there wasn’t anything wrong with it. It was just fiction, after all. It wasn’t real.

If anyone attempted to disgrace Lady Claire here, I wouldn’t be able to stand by. I wouldn’t forgive them. If any god looking down upon us now decided that dragging Lady Claire through the mud would be the best way to teach her a lesson, then I’d have to destroy them.

It’s funny how much everything changes when you’re on the page as opposed to the one holding the pen. Even though I know everything destined to happen, I still get unbearably anxious.

What if I can’t help her? What if I can’t save her?

I didn’t lie when I told her that she’s all I think about and all I worry about. If anything happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do.

Lady Claire deserves to be happy. She doesn’t deserve to be forced to suffer under the pretense of self-improvement. I’ll do whatever I can to help and protect her because I love her with all my heart. Not as a character, but...well.

It’s obvious, right? Why am I telling you about this? I don’t think it’ll give me the sense of control I long for.

I just don’t want to lose the girl I love. So, please don’t take her away.

--

“Rae Taylor. I want to go out. I need some fresh air.”

“Oh! You want me to go along?”

“Do I need to spell it out for you?!” she yelled, but she took a deep breath. Composed herself. Still ended up blushing beautifully when she clarified, “Just—I think a brief change of setting can be a good distraction. For both of us.”

Aah.

I love her. I really, really do.

“Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” I swear. “Be it on the path to Hell or the aisle to marriage.”

“W-Why between those two?!” she shrieked. “You—!” Another deep breath. “I wouldn’t be able to shake you off anyway. I only expect you to serve me to your fullest abilities!”

“I will! I absolutely will!”

I won’t let you down.

Maybe if I think it hard enough, it’ll become true. Haha, yeah right.

[karmasuna]

》you have a crush on bobby pins

pairing; shinso x f!reader

genre; fluff

wordcount; 2235

synopsis; it’s shinso’s birthday and he gets a very peculiar gift from a mystery person.

a/n; wooooo it’s shinso day! this is purely self indulgent and also heavily inspired by this assclass karashuu fic by @/gwendee on ao3! they’re like my all time favorite writer yes i just-

“Happy birthday, Shinso!” 

“Thanks,” the purple haired boy glances back at the girl who had just walked past time, giving her a small smile just to be polite. 

He doesn’t know that girl, he thinks. Ever since he’s joined the hero course he’s been getting a lot more attention, which he guesses was to be expected. It’s not bad, he supposes, but it does stand in stark contrast from how they had treated him just a year ago, shunning him because of his quirk. It’s a nice change.

 Coming to a stop in front of his shoe locker, he opens it only to promptly be hit in the face by an onslaught of gifts and letters. Shinso sighs. 

“Isn’t this is a bit too much,” he mutters quietly as he bends down to pick them up, nose scrunching a little when he catches a whiff of all the combined perfumes the girls must have drowned their cards and presents in.

Behind him Kaminari whistles lowly, eyeing the small mountain. “Bro, you’re gonna catch up to Todoroki’s level in no time. That dude has two fanclubs just here at school, I seriously have no idea how he does it.”

Finally managing to get everything out of his locker he slips on his indoor shoes, tapping them gently the floor before looking up at the blonde, unamused. 

“Take whatever you want,” he gestures at the pile. “It’s not like I would be able to eat so much chocolate anyways. I don’t even like them that much.”

“Sweet,” the blonde flashes him a grin, already fishing out a bag from his backpack and wasting no time with shoving boxes in. “You’re the best.”

“You came prepared, didn’t you.” Shinso grabs the cards and envelopes, scanning through the names to see if anything catches his eye. Unsurprisingly, nothing does so he just tucks them away in his bag. Of course you hadn’t put something in his shoe locker, that’s just cliché.

Kaminari shrugs, standing up and heaving the bulging bag over his shoulder. “Bakugo never wants his presents either, so I’m ready for it.”

When he gets to the classroom he’s greeted by a chorus of birthday wishes and another small stack of gifts on his desk. These elicit a genuine smile from him. They’re from people who know him well and it shows in the unique presents they had each picked out. 

It’s sappy but the thought they put into the presents makes his heart warm, and he doesn’t even try to stop the fond smile creeping onto his face as he flips through the album Midoriya had given him, complete with cute little notes from everyone. 

His eyes widen when he gets to the bottom of the pile, looking at the small pouch in confusion. There’s a few bobby pins inside and a small scrap of notebook paper, unfolding it to see “happy birthday” hastily written in chicken scratch. Clearly whoever wrote it was either in a hurry or didn’t really put any effort into the gift.

It’s a strangely thoughtful present, he supposes. Maybe now his hair would finally stay out of his face even when he does his homework after school and his hair gel softens just enough to let a few wisps constantly poke at his eyes.

Shinso thinks long and hard about who possibly could have given him such a peculiar gift even as the school bell rings, tuning out Aizawa’s announcements as he gets lost in his own thoughts, eyes scanning the room for any potential answers. 

There’s no way it could’ve been a boy. Last time he checked none of them were beauty gurus, and he’s pretty sure they wouldn’t know how to even use a bobby pin either, including himself.

So it was most likely a girl then. He finds his thoughts automatically drifts toward you, but he shoots the assumption down before it can even become an idea. Sure, out of all the girls he was definitely closest to you, but he’s convinced that you only talk to him because you feel sorry for his antisocial ass.

He sighs, burying his face in his hands. Now that he had jumped onto this thought train he can’t stop thinking about those stupid bobby pins. 

---

“Midoriya,” he later asks during class when he can’t take the curiosity anymore, “do you know if anyone in our class uses bobby pins?”

 Midoriya looks visibly confused from his strange question, and Shinso honestly doesn’t blame him at all. “Aren’t they really common? I’m not sure, but even Eri has some.”

That wasn’t helpful at all. Shinso thanks him anyways, and moves on to see if Kaminari and his habit of “observing” girls would be of any help. 

“Kaminari, I need you to help me find out who gave me bobby pins as a birthday present.”

The incredulous gaze he gets in response is definitely something he expected. “Um, what now?”

Shinso repeats himself, slower this time. The blonde still doesn’t seem to get it, so he pulls the small satchel out of his pocket and shows him. “Bobby pins,” he repeats, hoping Kaminari would connect the dots.

“Woah,” says Kaminari.

Shinso waits patiently to see if he had anything else to say. “That’s it? /Woah/?”

“I don’t know, man,” Kaminari peers at the little scrap of paper, studying the handwriting carefully. “I can help you ask around though. See what Jiro knows.”

---

Later that day after school he takes the bag out and puts it on his desk, staring at the small note that came with. He feels stupid for having used up most of his birthday thinking about bobby pins of all things. 

 “I need to know,” he tells himself before pulling out his phone and dialing.

 “The fuck you want, dipshit.” Bakugo picks up almost instantly, which Shinso is very thankful for.

“I need advice.”

“And you think I’m gonna help you like some shitty therapist? Fuck off, I don’t wanna hear you whine like a little bitch.”

Shinso waits a few moments, and when Bakugo doesn’t hang up he starts talking again. “I got bobby pins from someone in our class,” he begins. 

“Why do I need to know this.” The blonde sounds angry on the other end, so he decides to stoke his ego a little.

 “You don’t sugarcoat things, and I need you to tell me what I don’t want to hear. Not exactly something Midoriya can do.”

Bakugo snorts. “Damn right that shitty Deku’s useless. He’s fucking stupid.” 

“Yes,” Shinso agrees, “so help me out here.” 

And so he tells Bakugo everything. It’s not much given he really didn’t know anything about the mystery sender, but the blonde listens anyways, grunting occasionally to acknowledge his story.

“You have a crush on bobby pins,” Bakugo concludes when Shinso’s finished. 

“Say what now.” 

“You don’t know shit about whoever sent them but you can’t stop thinking about them. It’s pretty straightforward.”

The purple boy sighs loudly, not knowing what to say. Bakugo’s not wrong, really. It’s either that or-

“It’s either that or you have a crush on Y/N, since you obviously think she’s the one who gave them to you,” Bakugo says.

Shinso swears out loud. “I did not want to hear that,” he tells the other boy.

“Sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t have fuckin called me in the first place. This is a waste of time.” Bakugo doesn’t sound sorry at all.

“She doesn’t like me back.” At this point he doesn’t even bother hiding his crush on you anymore. If you were going to find out you would have ages ago.

“Why can’t you just ask her yourself and quit forcing me to listen to you whine like a little bitch.”

“Oh yeah.” He hadn’t even considered that an option. “I’ll definitely do that.”

“Cool. Can I leave now?”’

“Sure. Thanks, Bakugo.”

“I don’t want to hear your sappy shit,” is all he says before he hangs up. 

Shinso takes in a deep breath before pulling up your contact and quickly typing in a message, finger hovering on the send button, contemplating whether he should send such a dumb-sounding message and potentially weird you out. 

He’s still staring at the screen, his other hand going to brush hair from his eyes as he debates with himself.  

Suddenly there’s a knock at his door that snaps him out of his thoughts and makes him jump, resulting in his finger accidentally hitting the send button. Groaning in frustration, he gives himself five seconds to wallow in his regrets before getting up to open the door, definitely not expecting to see you there. 

“‘Toshi! I know it’s your birthday but it’s still Friday night, and you know what that means,” you grin at him, letting yourself in and flopping onto his bed. 

He closes the door and nods, sighing with the motion makes his hair fall into his eyes again.

“Yeah, you’re gonna force me to watch Haikyuu with you again.” 

You pout at him, scooting over to make space for him as you pull up the website on your laptop. “Don’t say it like you don’t enjoy it. I see the way you look whenever Yamaguchi gets to serve.”

“Shut up,” is all he says in response, but there’s no heat in his words.

“You aren’t denying it,” you say giddily, but your tone changes when you look at him and see him brushing hair out of his eyes again. 

“Didn’t you get the bobby pins his morning? Use them, geez,” you say casually as if it were no big deal.

Shinso freezes in his actions, trying to process what you had just said. “Yeah, I did,” he says carefully, trying not to give way the way his heart was racing in his chest, “how’d you know?”

Just then your phone pings, you laughing when you see his message. “Mhm, I put them there. If you’re not gonna use them then give ‘em back, I don’t wanna waste any. 

“Thanks,” he says, feeling oddly touched now that he knew it was really you. “I would use them but I don’t know how to.”

 You raise a brow, surprised by this new information. “Seriously? Don’t worry, I gotcha. Where are they?”

 Reaching over to grab a few from his desk he hands them to you, sitting still as you shuffle around to sit between his legs, carefully gathering the stray locks and twisting them gently. “Tell me if it hurts, yeah?”

 His brain is short-circuiting from how close you suddenly are. He can practically smell your shampoo, and seeing you so pretty and focused up close doesn’t help him calm his heart at all. 

 Your lips look really kissable right now, he thinks to himself. If he just tilted his head up the smallest of fractions your lips would meet, but he’s too afraid of ruining your friendship.

 “Damn, you really put a lot of effort into getting me a present,” he murmurs, “with the chicken scratch and all.”

 “Shush, you know how bad I am with birthdays. Be grateful I got you anything at all.”

 “Wow, I’m so touched,” he retorts sarcastically, rolling his eyes at how you had just blatantly admitted you didn’t remember his birthday, “guess this means I don’t have to get you that Oikawa figure for your birthday then.” 

 He chuckles when he feels you freeze up from his words. “What? You literally gave me your own pins and told me to give them back. What kind of a crappy birthday present is that?”

 “No, please. I need my Tooru,” you whine, voice smaller than before. “I’ll get you something, anything I can afford, okay? Just tell me what you want.”

 He hums, thinking about his options,  waiting for you to get back to work on his hair before speaking up again. “Anything?”

 “Anything my wallet can handle,” you clarify, mock glaring at him as you pull at the strands roughly, making him grunt in pain. “Okay okay, I got it, chill.”

 “I don’t think what I want is going to hurt your wallet at all,” he breathes, studying your reaction to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable. 

 “Mhm,” you say, not really paying attention to his words as you slide the last bobby pin into his hair, “I’m done! What do you want then-”

 You’re interrupted by him tilting his head up ever so slightly to press his lips against yours in a soft kiss. Gasping in surprise, you don’t even have time to react before he pulls back, rubbing at the back of his neck bashfully. 

 “Um, I’m sorry,” he begins, but this time you cut him off, throwing your hands around him and grinning.

 “For what, stupid? Kiss me again.”

 There’s no denying your words set his cheeks away, but he swallows before leaning back in to connect your lips again. Hands carefully snaking their way around your waist and pulling you even closer, holding you so gently as if he were afraid you would shatter or disappear. 

 “I really like you,” Shinso whispers when you pull apart, bumping his nose gently against yours.

 “I like you a lot too, ‘Toshi,” you grin, “happy birthday.” 

 He hums in agreement, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “Best birthday ever.”

---

“I should just give you my phone case or something for your birthday.”

 “What the hell? Our phones aren’t even the same model!”

[gingervsblondie]

Blondie Has Servant Trouble (1940)

11:51 PM, Saturday, 19 October 2019

What a title, eh? The biggest first world problem of the 20th century. Needless to say, there are bigger problems in the world in 1940 than Blondie’s servant trouble, but here we are. I’m not in the best mood so why not take it out on this totally well-meaning but inconsequential piece of light entertainment from 80 years ago?

11:55

Hey so: the mailman Dagwood runs into in the intro isn’t the mailman he runs into in the movies proper. I don’t know if it ever was. Maybe in the first movie, I honestly don’t remember, but I don’t know who that guy in the intro is. He’s not the mailman I know and love from these great great flicks.

11:58

Hey, noir detective newspaper guy is back! I guess whatever drama I decided was going on behind the scenes last time is resolved now.

We may never know how much blood he has on his hands, how far he went, interrogating petty criminals in alleys, following the trail that ended at the dog-catchers, God rest their souls.

12:01 AM

So… I think a lot of what I’ve seen so far is stock footage, which isn’t something they’ve done to any noticeable degree in the previous movies. Maybe it isn’t though? I don’t know! I don’t trust myself. Maybe these movies are just so repetitive that I can’t believe that they filmed this stuff a second time anymore.

(Future Euan note: I’m pretty sure it wasn’t stock footage.)

12:03

So far, this entry seems to be about superstitions. You know, black cats, walking under ladders.

I’m kinda checked out. Which I can only apologize for. If you’re reading this I want to give you my all, but I mean YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN. YOU’VE SEEN OLD CARTOONS. Man I miss Dagwood and Blondie just chilling on the train.

12:07

Blondie: “Poor Daisy. Maybe she’s tired of doing the same thing over and over. I know I am.”

Holy shit, the movie heard me. I’m scared now. I’m feeling very vulnerable and I’m not ready for Blondie Has Servant Trouble to Sonic.exe me.

12:09

Dagwood just electrocuted himself atop a ladder at the top of a flight of stairs, which he then fell down. And all I can think is “man I wish Dagwood could die.”

12:15

Alexander Hamilton Bumstead has a kite.

Kinda like how Charlie Brown flies a kite.

...

You know, What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown has a really interesting sequence of World War II footage that’s hand-tinted in bright stylized colours. I could be watching that right now.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3x6rhf

12:28

I promise I’ll go easy on the next movie. I’ll look on the bright side for that one.

12:30

The mailman says he transferring. It’d be weird if the movie where I finally notice that there’s a different mailman in the intro is also the last movie with the mailman that actually is in the movies.

12:32

There’s a gag where Dagwood, through a series of hilarious events, runs into the mailman while caught on Alexander Hamilton Bumstead’s kite, and we see the kite flying in the air with the mailman’s hat stuck in its string. And all I could think was “that must have been a very hard shot to get and it was not worth it.”

Dark Side Euan has entered the chat.

12:38

Apparently people said “no offence” in 1940. Did not know that.

12:39

You know, I was in a good mood last night. Maybe things’d be different if I did this then.

See, like: Dagwood just kicked his boss in the ass so hard that he slid clear across the room. And I feel nothing.

12:44

Turns out the mailman transferring was just more “ooh, is the mailman gonna avoid getting run into this time? No. He’s not.” The mailman’s transferring to a neighbourhood where Dagwood’s boss is going to put him so that he and Blondie can have servants. Shenanigans. Malarkey. MALARKEY I SAY.

12:48

Somebody died. I’m pretty sure this is the first allusion to death in the Blondieverse. So people can die. By that token, Dagwood can die, assuming he’s a human.

But you know what they say about assuming: don’t do it if it’s not funny.

Is Dagwood an alien? That would explain what I’ve taken to be the strangely pointy bits of his hairdo, maybe they’re actually antennae. Perhaps he’s some kind of god, or an angel, a being from a higher- wait I’m just doing the Mr. Bean lore now.

12:56

Dagwood, Blondie and Alexander Hamilton Bumstead (to say nothing of the dog) are on the car-ride over to the house they’re going to stay in, where a magic trick manufacturer died (more malarkey incoming.)

While Blondie was getting all horny at the thought of having servants (I don’t know how else to describe it, she just keeps saying the word “servants” with satisfaction,) Alexander Hamilton Bumstead cut her off and said “Daddy, are we still in the United States?” I thought, true to his abolitionist namesake, he was condemning his mother for indulging in the privilege her position in the class hierarchy provided her. But apparently he was just commenting on how long the car-ride was taking.

1:08

They’ve arrived at the house, and it doesn’t have electricity.

Alexander Hamilton Bumstead: “This is a mess, how are we going to eat?”

Blondie: “We have plenty of candles, dear.”

Alexander Hamilton Bumstead: “Only eskimos eat candles.”

Never mind, Alexander Hamilton Bumstead isn’t a progressive in the realm of race politics after all.

1:16

Alright. The movie’s acting like there’s a ghost in the house. They’ve shown us someone under a cover, cartoon ghost style. I’m betting you right now it’s the magic trick manufacturer and he’s still alive and that’ll be the shenanigans and in fact death remains an unconfirmed theory in the Blondieverse. And if I’m wrong, I’ll just go back and delete this paragraph.

1:18

I’m wrong. But anyway I’m pretty sure they used stock footage for real this time, for a shot of Daisy running into a door and hitting her head because there’s no dog door. Unless maybe Daisy had a catalogue of tricks she could do, and so they’re filming them more than once to get the most out of having trained the dog to do that.

1:23

So! The guy under the sheet was a black man by the name of Horatio Jones, played by Ray Turner. I note that he’s black because of our experiences with Willie Best, the only other black representation in these movies up until this point. Horatio’s in the house because he’s being initiated into a lodge, and he has to spend a night in a haunted house. So maybe these movies are improving at representing black people?

(Future Euan Note: Horatio is still a pretty stereotypical character, and has his eyes wide practically every second he’s on screen, but he’s presented as equal in class to the Bumsteads so I guess I can count that as progress.)

1:36

Shenanigans alert: the servants just arrived, or rather two people purporting to be the servants, but they reacted oddly when Blondie said “you must be the servants,” and haven’t said anything, instead letting Blondie talk for them, so I suspect they’re not actually the servants. Maybe they’re there to rob the dead magic trick manufacturer’s house? I’m determined to figure out the shenanigans before they happen.

1:40

The “servants,” on their own:

Servant A: “This is my house, it always has been my house.”

Servant B: “But those young people are harmless.”

Servant A: “Harmless? No-one is harmless!”

Servant B: “...Sometimes I think your mind is-”

Servant A: (Turning, putting his hands on her neck as if to strangle her,) “You’ll never say that again!”

These bastards are straight out of a completely different movie.

1:45

Blondie has her fur coat from the last movie. Continuity! Wooooo.

1:47

Please make this movie be over.

1:51

I hate you

You hate me

Let’s team up and kill Barney

With a baseball bat and a two-by-four

No more purple dinosaur

1:54

Dagwood got a flashlight stuck in his mouth and can’t get it out. Which is upsetting more than it is comical. Reminds of that one bit in The Empty Child.

Gross.

1:57

After getting it out, Dagwood promptly got the flashlight stuck in his mouth again, while demonstrating to Horatio how he managed to get it stuck the first time ‘round.

What a fucking dipshit.

2:03

Eric the fake servant dude just grabbed a kitchen knife and walked menacingly in the direction of the Bumsteads, before fake servant lady stopped him.

Don’t tease me like that, Flournoy!

(Future Euan Note: Wow that’s dark, I’m sorry.)

2:07

The guy playing Eric, the demented mystery man masquerading as a servant and repeatedly holding his head in anguish, is named Arthur Hohl, and a cursory glance at his Wikipedia tells me that he’s a fairly serious actor. And I mean I’m down. I’m struggling with this one but I am down for the introduction of a thespian playing a violent and dangerous man losing his grip on reality.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s Dick Flournoy’s self-insert character.

2:15

There was just a bit where Dagwood ran to get water to douse on fake servant lady, who’s unconscious.

...Which reminds me of this one scene in A Boy Named Charlie Brown, which I’d also rather be watching.

https://youtu.be/E7ID_E-SYbQ

Snoopy’s an asshole and I love it.

2:24

15 minutes left. My eyes are doing that thing where they feel bad to keep open. You know. When one is sleepy.

2:28

https://youtu.be/AQE4bwA6EF4

This movie is weird you guys.

2:30

Welp, the movie broke me. I laughed.

Blondie: (reading a newspaper clipping with a picture of the crazy fake servant dude) “Man eludes police after knifing attorney.”

Dagwood: “Euh- with a knife?”

2:35

This movie’s never gonna end I wanna SLEEEEEEp

2:37

Ignore this entry, I’m just typing something so I don’t fall asleep.

2:38

Dagwood just yelled “Blondie, I’m shot!” What actually happened is he burnt himself with a candle, but if I was a real sociopath, I could edit that line with gunshot sound effects either side of it. Like Dagwood’s Crazy Frog and I’m on Newgrounds circa 2005.

2:42

I think Dagwood just got stabbed. I think Dagwood has a knife in his back. I think Dagwood just got STABBED.

2:43

Nah the knife was just stuck in his jacket. But if I was a REAL sociopath, I could- 

idk, edit in a punchline when you’re not so tired, Future Euan.

(Future Euan Note: I dunno, painstakingly animate CGI blood dripping from his back? I don’t really know what you were going for here, Past Euan.)

2:47

Okay it’s done! IT’S DONE! It’s done.

Quick quick quick, wrap up: This movie was good, probably, maybe? I was miserable watching it but it had weirdly life or death stakes and a psycho killer (qu’est que c’est) which is almost interesting by Blondie standards. It’s even the kind of movie I could see myself stumbling on and enjoying if it wasn’t a Blondie movie, or if it was but I wasn’t on this crusade. The kind of movie I’d find on some weird DVD collection of public domain or cheaply licensed old movies, like a favourite of mine, The Answer, a 1955 episode of Four Star Playhouse that felt very profound when I was little.

My Dagwood Sandwich rating is: one sandwich containing ice cream. You appreciate the ice cream, but you weren’t exactly expecting it in your sandwich. And when somebody asks you how it was, you’re like, “Well, it was ice cream, so good I guess.” And they say, “Did you enjoy it?” and you say, “Well, no.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I’m gonna go to sleep.